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just-dreaming-marvel · 3 days ago

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LEGACY ~ 19

LEGACY MASTERLIST

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Word Count: 1,850ish

Summary: You continue to struggle.

Notes: Sorry it's taken me so long to update! Hope it's not total crap.

The rest of the day flew by faster than you had expected. Tony never left your side. He had pushed aside his Stark Industries work and his lab work in order to be with you. Pepper called a few times to check in and you could sense that something had happened between her and Tony. Wanda stopped by a few times, just hovering near the door to make sure everything was okay.

Steve was there, second to Tony. He sat on the right side of the bed, reading, sketching, or working on his tablet. He remained pretty quiet, okay to just observe your condition and wait for you to ask for help.

After dinner, you grew tired. You were afraid to close your eyes, not wanting to see whatever your mind wanted to show you. Tony had surprisingly fallen asleep first in the chair to your left. Steve yawned, causing you to look over at him.

“You should go to bed, Steve,” you quietly told him, not wanting to wake Tony.

“So should you,” he replied, setting the book in his hand down on the small table beside your bed.

You shook your head. “I’m not–” you were quickly cut off by a yawn, “--tired.”

Steve chuckled lightly. “Yeah, not tired at all.” He took your hand and began to rub his thumb against the back of it.

“What are you doing?”

“Trying to get you to relax and fall asleep.”

“Steve,” you tried to pull your hand away but he held firm.

“I’m not letting go until you’re asleep.”

You threw your head back against the pillow and stared up at the ceiling. “You don’t understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t. But I think that you’re scared of what you might see when you close your eyes.”

Tears began to build up in your eyes as you turned to look at Steve. “I don’t want to relive everything… everytime I close my eyes, I’m back there in some way.”

Steve leaned in closer and put one of his hands on your cheek. “You’re not there anymore, Y/N/N. You’re home and you need rest. I’ll be right here the whole time. You won’t be alone.”

You nodded, a few tears trailing down your cheeks. “Tony’s here, you don’t have to stay.”

“I want to stay, Y/N. Let me do this.” He brushed the falling tears off of your cheeks. “Let me help you.”

“Will you be here when I wake up?”

“Of course.”

You reluctantly agreed to try to sleep. You were trusting in Steve to be there, to somehow protect you from the horrors in your mind. So, with Steve holding your hand, you fell asleep.

~~~

You were surprised when you didn’t wake up screaming in terror. When you thought about it, you didn’t have a nightmare at all. When you opened your eyes, you saw that Tony’s head was resting on your bed. You looked over to where Steve was supposed to be, only to see that he wasn’t there.

Before you could control it, you began panicking. You let out a strangled cry, waking up Tony.

“What’s going on?” He asked, his head quickly snapping up. Tony quickly became more alert as he noticed your panicking state. “Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“I–Steve–where–” You couldn’t get a full thought out.

“Steve?”

“Where—”

Tony grabbed the oxygen mask above your bed. “Here,” he placed it over your nose and mouth. “Breathe, Y/N. In, out. FRIDAY, give me a location on Rogers.”

“I’m right here,” Steve said, rushing in.

“She woke up in a panic,” Tony explained. “She’s been saying your name.”

“You… you weren’t… th–there,” you stuttered through sobs. “I… w–woke up… and you weren’t… there…”

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Steve said, taking one of your hands. “I had a phone call to take. I was just out in the hall.”

“You said… you’d be there…”

“I shouldn’t have stepped out, I’m sorry.”

You laid back and closed your eyes, trying to focus on the air from the oxygen mask. You missed the worried look that Tony and Steve shared.

~~~

“I thought she slept well last night. Didn’t she sleep well?”

Steve sighed. “You were in here too, Tony. She didn’t budge all night. Didn’t make one sound.”

Tony stared out the window, hands stuffed in his pockets. You were in the bathroom, showering. Steve was in his usual chair, leaning forward with his arms resting on his knees.

“Then why the immediate panic attack once she noticed you were gone?” Tony continued to frett. “And, no offense, but why you?”

“I promised that I would be there when she woke up.”

“Maybe you should have kept that promise.”

“Maybe Y/N wouldn’t be so panicky about broken promises if you would stop breaking yours.”

“Really, Rogers?” Tony spun to face the man. “You’re going to turn this back on me?”

“I’m just stating the facts… Y/N might not even know exactly what caused the panic attack. It could be something else.”

Tony’s hand ran down his face. “I don’t know how to help her, Steve… I’m at a complete loss.”

“You just have to continue being there for you and the rest of us will do the same… Y/N will survive this.”

“She’s going to fake it. She’s going to act like everything’s okay when it’s not. How am I supposed to help her then?”

“What would you want someone to do?” Tony looked at Steve with utter confusion. “You act like everything’s fine all the time. Y/N learned how to do that from you. So, Tony, what would you want someone to do?”

Tony turned back to the window, remaining silent. He knew that Steve had a point and didn’t know how to answer the question. Even after a lifetime of faking it, Tony still didn’t know what he wanted people to do to help him. He sighed, covering his face with his hand and making another mental note about how he had failed you.

~~~

The next week was a weird routine of you sleeping, eating, showering, and having nightmares, with Tony and Steve barely leaving. The others would drop by with gifts and food for you, but you could barely hold a conversation. You didn’t open up much more about what you had through, everyone was concerned about it.

After showering one morning, you exited the bathroom to see Tony a little bit more peppy than he had been the last week.

“What’s going on?” you asked.

“Helen just came in and cleared you,” Tony said with a smile. “Are you ready to get out of this room?”

“Are you serious?”

“Very.” He offered you his arm. “Let’s get you out and walking around, shall we?”

You slipped an arm through Tony’s. “Could we possibly stop by the kitchen? I’m hungry.”

“I think that’s a great idea.”

Tony led you out of the med-bay and to the common area. You kept glancing everywhere, unsure of any one who walked by. It didn’t help that your legs weren’t steady and you were heavily using him to balance. Tony kept worriedly glancing your way. When you reached the kitchen, Nat was cooking and Rhodey was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee while looking at his phone. Tony led you over to the table and helped you into a chair.

“Y/N,” Natasha smiled.

“It’s good to see you out of bed, kid,” Rhodey said as he put down his phone.

“Thanks,” you mumbled.

Tony stood behind you, hands on your chair. “What you cooking, Red?” he asked.

“Bacon, waffles, I’ve already got the coffee ready and I’ve cut all sorts of fruit,” she responded.

“Okay, Y/N/N,” Tony clapped his hands together, “what can I get you?”

“Aren’t I supposed to be on a special diet or something?” you wondered.

“Don’t worry,” Nat said, “I talked to Helen before making breakfast. You can eat whatever you want.”

You told Tony what you wanted and he was quick to dish it up and give it to you.

“Any plans for today?” Rhodey asked as you began to eat.

“Um… I don’t know,” you replied. “Dad?”

“I was thinking just a nice, easy, relaxing–”

“Who are you and what have you done to my dad?” you quickly interrupted with a laugh. The others followed, relieved to hear your laughter is what seemed like ages.

“What? I know how to relax!”

You reached over and gave his arm a light pat, “whatever you say, dad.”

The four of you chatted some more before Rhodey had to leave for a meeting and Natasha left to answer a phone call from Clint.

“What do you want to do today, kid?” Tony asked. “What do you feel up to?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged. “You don’t have anywhere to be?” Tony’s hurt and guilt hit you like a ton of bricks. “I’m sorry, dad,” you quickly said. “I didn’t mean to hurt you or make you feel more guilty than you already do.”

“It’s okay– wait… how did you know that I was feeling those things?”

“It was just a guess,” you lied, beginning to spiral inwards. Mad that you weren’t able to control your abilities fully.

“No, it wasn’t.” Tony shook his head. “Do you have access to all of your abilities now?”

You hadn’t heard a word Tony was saying, too busy getting mad at yourself. You quickly stood up, causing the chair to fall to the ground. “I’m so sorry,” your words came out in rushed cries. You took off down the hall.

“Y/N!” A chorus of voices shouted after you.

You continued down the hall until you found a custodial closet to slip in. You pushed yourself into one of the corners and began rocking. The emotions and thoughts of everyone in the building suddenly came crashing down on you. You let out a shout of pain as your hands came up to your ears.

“Y/N!” Tony shouted as he tore the door open. He was quickly kneeling in front of you with Steve skidding to a stop behind him.

“I can’t… I can’t… take it,” you sobbed. “Make it stop! Make it stop!”

“What’s going on?” Steve asked, growing more and more concerned.

“I… I don’t know,” Tony replied.

Wanda’s voice suddenly rang through your head, “You can control it.”

“I can control it,” you whispered to yourself. “I can control it.”

You slowed down your breaths, calming your heart and mind. Slowly, you began to form walls in your mind, blocking out the thoughts and emotions of others. Your hands began to drop from your head and you looked over at the two very concerned men in front of you.

“I did it,” you rasped. “I’m sorry.”

“Please don’t be, kiddo,” Tony said. “It’s going to take a lot of time and patience for us all to get used to it again.”

“Are you alright though?” Steve asked, his only focus is you.

“I’m fine,” you nodded. “Or… I will be.”

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