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deadcactuswalking · 1 year ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30/12/2023 (Christmas Garbage)

Content warning: Brief references to murder, racism and unlawful sex acts. Merry Christmas!

Yawn, it’s a Christmas episode. It’s not even Christmas anymore - the tracking week included Christmas Day. “Last Christmas” is #1, of course it is. Skip this one is my personal advice. Christmas Christmas Christmas. REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

So, there are a few new arrivals today, but it’s also a week of mostly just festive music the week after festive music mattered so I’ll have a bit of a different approach, one I’m sure will be made up for with next week’s: Less than a fifth of this week’s chart are non-Christmas songs, I’m going to be mostly in chart nerd form rather than expressing much of my opinion, which is kind of how this series has been moving towards lately? Next episode will be the rush of new and old songs thanks to the end-of-year gains and Christmas collapse, so that will be more of a classic episode when it comes to dishing out intros and opinions on different genres and artists, the usual. For now, well, let’s just run down what we have here. Rounding out the top five are Brenda at #5, Ed and Elton at #4, Mariah at #3 and Sam bloody Ryder still hogging up #2.

Let’s continue with rounding up the Christmas songs. The songs entering the UK Top 75 for the first time this year in this week, but have already entered the top 75 previously, are “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry at #70, “Mistletoe and Wine” by Cliff Richard at #69, “Please Come Home for Christmas” by the Eagles at #68, “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia at #66, “Santa Baby” by Kylie Minogue at #64, “Christmas Wrapping” by the Waitresses at #62 (one of my personal favourites) and “My Only Wish (This Year)” by Britney Spears at a new peak of #59, “Come on Home for Christmas” by George Ezra at #56, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas” by Perry Como at #54, “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” by Bruce Springsteen at another new peak of #47, and “Christmas Tree Farm” by Taylor Swift at #46… and speaking of new peaks, “What Christmas Means to Me” by Stevie Wonder at #76, “Jingle Bells” by Meghan Trainor at #48, “Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt at #44, “Little Saint Nick” by the Beach Boys at #43, “A Holly Jolly Christmas” by Burl Ives at #40, “The Christmas Song” by Nat King Cole at #34, “Winter Wonderland” by Laufey at #26, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes at #20 and “DJ Play a Christmas Song” by Cher at #18, as well as Jorja Smith’s cover of “Stay Another Day” at #16 and “Let it Snow” (three times) by Dean Martin at #13 and finally, it took a while but “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande reached the top 10 at #8.

I questioned the point in listing the notable dropouts - songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40 - since they’ll all be back next week but hey, if I can list a bunch of Christmas songs by dead people in succession, why not secular songs by those very much still with us? With that said, we bid adieu to that terrible cover of “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by “Creator Universe”, and then bid a probably temporary farewell to “Stop Giving Me Advice” by Lyrical Lemonade, Jack Harlow and Dave, “You’re Losing Me” (From the Vault) by Taylor Swift, “Surround Sound” by JID featuring 21 Savage and Baby Tate, “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims, “exes” by Tate McRae, “Northern Attitude” by Noah Kahan with Hozier on the duet version, “Runaway” by Ye featuring Pusha T, “Can’t Catch Me Now” and “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo, “On My Love” by Zara Larsson and David Guetta, “Water” by Tyla, “Strangers” by Kenya Grace, “I Remember Everything” by Zach Bryan featuring Kacey Musgraves, “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift and finally, “Sprinter” by Dave and Central Cee. So, yeah, big bloodbath this week but one that involves a revival for the next.

So, time to “review”, isn’t it? We have some new arrivals, most of which are Christmas songs, let’s trodge through them.

NEW ARRIVALS

#74 - “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” - Dean Martin

Produced by Lee Gillette

So, firstly: I’m going to be getting the vast majority of my info from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, the Official Charts Company’s archive: it may sometimes be inaccurate or awkward in its formatting but I know charts well enough to notice when something doesn’t seem right - for the most part - or when it contradicts with Wikipedia or other sources. You can find the vast majority of this info elsewhere, I’m not doing intense research, but hey, it’s good to have a little backstory and that’s what most of this episode will be: stories. We start with a fictional one, that of Rudolph’s.

Now he may be a tradition now but he’s more recent than you think, pitched in 1939 by a retailer in New York known as Robert L. May. He’s a newly-created Christmas character that is a bit of wholesome children’s content with a good message, insanely basic character design and therefore incredibly intuitive marketing strategy. The song came 10 years after the character, and whilst Gene Autry probably recorded the most well-known version, it’s never charted in the UK. In fact, Dean Martin’s version, which debuts this year at #74 - it’s its first week in the top 100 even - is the first version to chart, despite American success of versions by Autry, Bing Crosby and even the Chipmunks and the Temptations, both inspiring 60s vocal groups. This 1959 cover from A Winter Romance, the same album with “Let it Snow” on it, is a completely fine, very cliché Christmas-sounding tune with a weird German accent for Santa’s dialogue. Whilst it may be somewhat surprising the song’s not charted, I do understand. I sang “Rudolph” as a child in assemblies at school, sure, but I’m a much later generation than a lot of the people listening to Christmas music this time of year in this country, and it’s always felt like a specifically American export, especially that stop-motion TV special that may have re-popularised the tune. The only other “Rudolph” song to chart is Chuck Berry’s 1958 classic, “Run Rudolph Run”, which peaked at #36 in 1964 and is currently at #49. When it peaked, “I Want to Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles, another rock-and-roll classic, was #1. Mr. Berry of course would later go on to film women peeing, so maybe someone should make a festive rock and roll remix to “Ignition”.

#72 - “Carol of the Bells” - John Williams

Produced by John Williams

Spotify actually credits more than OCC does here: John Williams is listed here as he’s the only performer listed on the chart itself but on streaming services, the lead artist is actually Mykola Dmytrovych Leontovych, the Ukrainian composer for the song, originally arranged as a very non-Christmas piece “Shchedryk”, which I guess is still about Winter as when translated, one can read lyrics about how a swallow flies into a home promising wealth for the upcoming spring. It’s connected to a folk holiday in Ukraine celebrated on New Year’s Eve known as “Malanka”, somewhat similar to Christmas in its festivities but with a depth of its own traditions unique to eastern Europe, and it wasn’t even the intended holiday of Leontovych’s original composition, first performed in Kyiv in 1916. An American composer, importantly one descending from the Rusyns of modern-day Ukraine, heard the composition, which made its way to New York in the 1920s, and wrote English lyrics relating to Christmas though, interestingly, Peter J. Wilhousky is nowhere to be seen in the artist credits for this version, being relegated to a writing credit on Spotify.

There are many versions of this song but by far the most popular is the rendition by John Williams, an icon in film scoring who arranged the song alongside a children’s choir performance for the 1990 film Home Alone, which has aged pretty well - mostly because it’s practically just slapstick of a kid torturing these two idiots - and has become a Christmas classic, particularly in eastern Europe, where its release lined up pretty nicely with more lenient restrictions on western films, so it became one of the first western family films seen by many children beyond the Iron Curtain just as it fell, which does make the use of Leontovych’s composition come full circle in a way. Personally, I’ve always found this song a tad eerie and intense, but Williams’ version of “Carol of the Bells” is the only one to have charted in the UK, and it first reached the top 100 in 2018. Additionally, the main theme from Home Alone, “Somewhere in My Memory”, spent one week at #69 in 2019. The #1 that week was “Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max, and John Williams has charted a few times with singles and many, many other times on the albums chart, for his work in film scoring. Last year, the Home Alone soundtrack made its very first appearance there at #100, and this year, probably assisting with the new peak of this song, the actor who played the boy Kevin McCallister, Macaulay Culkin, received a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame and the film itself was inducted into the Library of US Congress’ National Film Registry.

#71 - “Entrapreneur” - Central Cee

Produced by Chris Rich and Caleb Bryant

Alright, let’s cut the Christmas crap for a second as we do have a new song from Cench charting, and whilst Jeezy has made that awkward pun before, this is still a completely fine, maybe even pretty good, drill track with a very energetic performance from Cench here and despite some very odd mixing that makes the percussion feel stiff and the bass less present than it should be, I still think it hits hard amidst the soaring strings and keys at the back of the mix that is surprisingly dynamic at times, it almost feels like it’s going for a cloud rap vibe but instead of fully submerging the listener, Cench submerges any need for the instrumental by bringing a lot of charisma, some funny lines and a whole lot of triumphant flexing that given the motivation in his voice here and some genuinely likeable lyrics, actually feels pretty deserved. Sure, he sticks to the same flow, but it’s one that works and seems to serve his best interests lyrically as he can fit all of his wordy bars into it, so I’d say this is ultimately a success.

#67 - “Deck the Halls” - Nat King Cole

Produced by Lee Gillette

Another Lee Gillette production in the same week, huh, I guess the guy was the go-to for soulful Christmas tracks. I’m never going to complain about hearing Nat King Cole’s rich voice… except for this song, misspelled as “Deck the Hall” on Spotify, where it feels like everything’s a bit too fast for the guy, I almost feel bad. It’s a very spritzy and string-heavy song that just ends up too chintzy to give Nat King Cole any time. Hell, I’ll be honest - this one sucks, it’s way too busy and barely anyone could pull off this dead-on-arrival fa-la-la-la song anyway unless you’re a cartoon character but I haven’t seen the Animaniacs chart in my lifetime so this is a carol I’ve never preferred. As for this song’s chart history, this is its second week on the chart, and only this version has ever charted to my knowledge, debuting at #84 last year. That’s not to say people haven’t recorded and performed this song that aren’t named Nat King Cole because by God, they have, though not nearly as much as a song we’ll be talking about in a few paragraphs’ time. As for the original composition, it dates back to the traditional Welsh carol “Nos Galan”, which is actually about New Year’s Eve and both its tune and lyrics were written around the 1700s, but English lyrics by Scotsman Thomas Oliphant in 1862 brought us the carol we know today, so this one is a bit more historied than Rudolph, especially with popularising the now universal phrase of “’tis the season”. I don’t even like the slower, original Welsh version of this, it’s just a pestering little song to me. Never done well to my knowledge. Next.

#63 - “This Christmas” - Donny Hathaway

Produced by Ric Powell and Donny Hathaway

This is a pretty weird one because yes, this version of the song has never charted in the UK’s top 100 before. That much is true… but I have reviewed it, and in 2020 in fact, so dig up that old episode, right? Well, maybe not, because the only reason I reviewed it is because a Jess Glynne version charted that year, and it was an Amazon original version, that I ended up comparing to the original, one of my favourite ever Christmas songs, in complete despair and almost disgust. Hathaway has a buttery but unabashedly joyful voice, he came up with that iconic gleeful horn line and that clever, sleek title-drop in the verses, and like I said in 2020, lest we forget the bongos. It’s a detailed, beautiful song that was first released in 1970, with the B-side “Be There”, which is probably why OCC questionably lists this song as “This Christmas Be There”. Said B-side is the other holiday single tacked onto his self-titled album and whilst not as catchy or canonical, it is more of a melodramatic tune with just as many intricacies, it’s really an underrated gem to be honest. It took a while for “This Christmas” to latch on, only really resurging in 1991 when included on a reissued Christmas compilation record. It didn’t chart on the US Billboard Hot 100 until 2020 and has finally made it to the UK’s singles chart in its original form. The malformed Jess Glynne butchering made it to #3 in 2021, and “Last Christmas” was #1 that week too. It briefly returned in 2021 but only peaked at #52 that year and has not appeared again so I’m assuming the UK has come to their senses and made the correct decision about which one to enjoy from this year onward.

#60 - “Jingle Bells” - Frank Sinatra

Produced by Voyle Gilmore

It is a disgrace that Meghan Trainor’s version outcharts Frankie, but there is some solace in knowing Trainor’s version may be like Jess Glynne’s “This Christmas” and end up as a one-year-only success. It’s not like it matters though, “Jingle Bells” may be the most-recorded song in human history, and is definitely at least one of them, even though it was never explicitly about Christmas… though the song was originally titled “This One Horse Open Sleigh” so part of me thinks that James Lord Pierpoint, the song’s writer and Confederate soldier - yikes - had at least Father Christmas in mind when composing the jingle. Pierpoint even wrote music for the losing side in the Civil War and ended up on the opposing side of his father in the Union Army - Jesus, the less we know about the guy who wrote the song, the better, what a loser. Anyway, like 70,000 Goddamn people have dashed through the snow to get to the studio and record this track, so it’s safe to say the song has reached beyond its obscure writer at this point. It’s been broadcast from space, for God’s sake.

Sinatra, or more accurately Gilmore, extends the song with an unnecessary spelling section from a choir, but otherwise the 1948 recording is a lot of fun with a classic, swingin’ performance from Frankie as one would expect, especially when he has some fun with the cadence of the track, even if he doesn’t do it all too much. The song is such a staple that it’s been implemented into other Christmas standards for years, and not just “Jingle Bell Rock”, which I consider so separate to be its own song so I’ll wait for another cover of that next year before I get into that chart history, but also it’s a motif heard in Bing Crosby’s “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas”, the guitar… solo(?) in Nat King Cole’s “The Christmas Song” and even Joni Mitchell’s “River”. As for the original, I mean, it’s been covered by everybody from Herb Alpert to the Beatles to the Barenaked Ladies to Barney the Dinosaur to Eric Clapton to Gladys Knight to Pearl Jam to the Wiggles to CBeebies’ Goddamn Alphablocks but the versions that charted are as follows.

The first version of the original “Jingle Bells” to chart in the modern chart was… a reggae version by Judge Dread, who if you know anything about him, is not exactly a wholesome Christmas artist, and of course, it’s actually a vulgar, laddish version using the melody to talk about having sex on Christmas with some girl. I’ve talked about Judge Dread on this blog before in my special episode from 2021 about songs banned by the BBC, in which I included a lot more of his story. To be completely honest, his version is a lot of fun, especially with how carelessly he delivers it all, and it peaked at #64 for two weeks in 1978, during which “Mary’s Boy Child / Oh My Lord” by Boney M. was #1. It’s currently at #51. In 1981, a novelty version by the Hysterics that lasts for only less than a minute and a half, peaked at #44 for three weeks. Subtitled “(Laughing All the Way)”, it is simply a guy laughing obnoxiously to the tune of the song as a cartoon-sounding pop-rock version plays under him. It is profoundly stupid. “Don’t You Want Me” by the Human League was #1 during these three very cursed weeks in British history. In 2005, whoever the Hell was behind the Crazy Frog mashed up the song with “U Can’t Touch This”, which apparently warrants it a separate Wikipedia page, and it peaked at #5 whilst Nizlopi’s “JCB”, a personal nostalgic song for me, was #1. Another EDM version by Basshunter peaked at #35 in 2008, when Alexandra Burke’s cover of “Hallelujah” was #1. It’s safe to say that both 2000s Eurodance versions of “Jingle Bells” are cheap and ridiculous. Last year, Sam Ryder’s Amazon-exclusive version from an Amazon-exclusive Christmas film charted at #41 - “Last Christmas” was of course at #1 that week - and this week, we see both versions by Meghan Trainor and Frank Sinatra charting. He originally recorded it in 1948 but it only started charting two weeks ago. Oh, and of course, Batman smells and Robin laid an egg.

#58 - “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” - Mariah Carey

Produced by Walter Afanasieff and Mariah Carey

Mr. President, a second - okay, more accurately, third - Mariah Carey Christmas song has hit the canon… and I have no idea why you’d listen to this slightly-oversung, dull 1994 rendition over the Darlene Love original, which has a slightly similar story to “This Christmas” though arguably more organic. It wasn’t a single when added to Phil Spector’s Christmas compilation album - he would later murder a woman, of course - but the track, released in 1963 and featuring Cher on backing vocals, who would later cover the song as a duet with the surprisingly-still-alive (especially if she knew Spector, sheesh) Ms. Love, 60 years later - yes, that’s this year - on her own Christmas album. Sadly, that one didn’t chart but Carey’s instead. Love’s version gained popularity simply because in the late 80s, talk-show host David Letterman just liked the song and continued to invite her year upon year to perform it on his show, which is adorable.

In the UK, the original version didn’t chart until after Bublé’s - sigh - which didn’t last, peaking at #47 for two weeks in 2011 and briefly coming back in the bottom-feeder region in 2015. When it peaked, the #1 was “Cannonball” by Little Mix, and then “Wherever You Are” by the Military Wives and Gareth Malone, that year’s Christmas #1. Love’s version first charted here in 2017, though her other Christmas song, “All Alone on Christmas”, featured on the Home Alone 2 soundtrack - starring a man who I’m pretty sure James Lord Pierpoint would have voted for - peaked at #31 in 1992, during which the #1 was predictably Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You”. “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” would eventually peak at #22 in 2018 and is currently charting at #31, whilst Carey’s version reaches a new peak this year after first charting in 2021, and with that, we are done with 2023’s Christmas episodes of REVIEWING THE CHARTS. Also, did you know U2 had a version of this? …Why?

Conclusion

This wasn’t really a conventional episode, was it? I can’t really fairly give Best of the Week out, or the worst for that matter, because these are songs I hold very few notable opinions on and spent most of the time just talking about their origins and their chart success. With that said, screw “Deck the Halls”, thank you for reading and I’ll see you next… year!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #christmas music #frank sinatra #mariah carey #dean martin #central cee #nat king cole #donny hathaway

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allmyocsarebritish · 6 months ago

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Feeling is mutual :)

Noone asked for me to do this whole entire thing but I'm bored so I shall :)

Also imma just number them because finding the emojis will take AGEEEES lololol

1) my lockscreen is my pony

2) cheese, it's more versatile in the sense it can be grated, sliced, melted etc yk? Chocolate can too I guess but you can't melt chocolate over your oven chips or jacket potato OR MASHED POTATO OMG THATS BUSSIN (got carried away)

3) literally noone calls me by my full name to the point I forget it is my name so ye

4) mosquito on the wall by the wombats (no surprise there)

5) I do it constantly I'm literally procrastinating writing one now

6)ye

7) not a single one

8)how they react during a disagreement (why am I being so formal what)

9) cookie dough because it tastes way better

10)cat person 100000000000% I'm deathly afraid of dogs

11) earbuds

12) "mum I'm so sick of being a slave to commentary YouTube"

13) weird fact weird fact uhhhh it's already august like what where has this year goneeeee

14) permanently exhausted pigeon

15)my horses shavings with her

16) ye

17) "emo" horse girl

18) jeans absolutely

19) I don't go to Starbucks but I guess just a hot chocolate even though I don't really like them

20) pink. My entire room is pink. My carpet is hot pink. I hate it. I decorated when I was 5 and haven't been able to change it.

21) technically my pony is my most prized possession but if we're talking object it would be my childhood teddy or my red old fashioned radio

22) I've never had either (can't call myself bri'ish having never drank tea ik)

23) woolly mammoth

24) OH FUNNY STORY I was applying for a Tumblr account for well over a year but it wouldn't let me because "oOpS SoMetHinG wEnT wRoNg" till my mate emaily made one for me last September which was called like grackleee or something (a type of noseband for horses) then I got a new phone in November and it wouldn't let me back in so I made this one

25) I can't say id take my horse to a desert island cause that would be cruel I guess I'd take my phone

26) everyone thinks I'm emo but im really not I'd say more like e-girl but also horse girl (it's complicated)

27) professional dressage rider

28) married to alastor (even if swi says that doesn't count)

29) this one real old blue zip hoodie I got from a charity shop with an eDgY shirt underneath, this one black chainy miniskirt and fishnets with massive stompy boots 💯 I wore it to the last non uniform day before we left school

30) most wombat songs

31) dark blonde which fades to faded red then faded black

32) all the time

33) yeeeeeees

34) "you're obviously a good rider that's why I let you ride my horse. I wouldn't let anyone else do what you do"

35) favourite blogs I'd say are all of me mates both online and in person

~ 💖 ASK GAME 💖 ~

📷 What’s set as your phone’s lockscreen?

🍫 Cheese or chocolate?

✨ Do you have any nicknames?

🎵 Last song you listened to?

✏️ Have you ever written fanfiction?

😏 Are you on discord?

💛 Do you have any piercings?

🐰 What do you think says the most about a person?

🍪 If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

🐶 Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?

🎧 Headphones or earbuds?

🌼 What’s the last thing you said out loud?

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know?

🦉 Are you a morning person or a night owl?

🧸 Favorite place to nap?

🏳️‍🌈 Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

🦋 Describe yourself in three words.

👖 Jeans or sweatpants?

🥤 What’s your go-to Starbucks order?

🧡 A color you can’t stand?

💎 What’s your most prized possession?

☕ Coffee or tea?

🦖 Favorite extinct animal?

🌙 How long have you been on tumblr?

🌴 Desert island item?

🐸 Describe your aesthetic.

🔮 What’s your dream job?

💙 Relationship status?

🌿 Describe your favorite outfit.

🎤 Is there a song you know all the lyrics to?

🤎 What color is your hair?

💌 Do you talk to yourself?

💄 Do you wear makeup?

🌸 Best compliment you ever received?

💞 @ your favorite blog.

Reblogs are appreciated!

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jodilin65 · 22 years ago

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WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 30, 2002 I hate God for allowing our heat pump to break after all the things that have broken on us already! I really do. I’m gonna hate him even more on the first, no doubt. APS is in back so I’m sure God will be picking out the perfect set of freeloaders to move in if he hasn’t already.

It’s cold and drizzling out.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 29, 2002 Signing in on this very cloudy day. Tom says that according to the weather news, we should see snowcaps up top of the mountains today cuz of all the moisture. Can’t see any yet, though.

Saturday, I tested Tom, who did exactly what I thought/hoped he’d do. As I’ve said before, the man just doesn’t have the heart to come out and admit he isn’t any more interested in sex than I am, though his actions clearly show it. I brought the subject up and he said we’d start tomorrow, which was last Sunday, and how he wanted me to do him by hand. I reminded him that I’ve made the offer to take care of him by hand before, but he didn’t bring it up, so neither did I. Sure enough, when the next day came, he never said a word about it. What this means is that although I doubt I’d feel a shred of guilt if I did end up getting it on with Teddy Bear, whose letter’s now just 90 days away, I’m all the more certain I wouldn’t feel any guilt. I wouldn’t be depriving him in the least.

Before I get to the worst news, about 26 pinkies have arrived over the last few days, and the red truck still comes in back nearly every day.

If anyone had any lingering doubts about a breakage curse being thrown on us, this will kill them off - our fucking heat pump broke! It never fucking ends! We can’t go 6 months without a major break of some kind. Two-year-old heat pumps just don’t give out like this. What is it with this two-year shit anyway? We lost the well at two years and now this at two years - aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!!

It’s so obvious that something wants us to put our money anyplace we don’t want to. Every time we get ready to receive a large sum of money with which we have certain plans, something has to come and fuck us out of our plans. I’m so fucking sick of being kicked back in life financially, never getting ahead. I know someone’s going to have to be called out on account of this, and that alone will cost hundreds. Then, we have to hope to hell we called the right person who knows what the hell they’re doing. Better now than when it’s boiling hot out there (we’re using the portable heaters), but I’m sick of this shit. Totally sick of it! I’m fed up with our stuff breaking and with being forced to put our money in places we shouldn’t have to. We need fences and things like that. Not to have to fix a new heat pump.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 25, 2002 Spoke to Paula a few days ago. Get this - they want to give her 10 lousy days in jail, a $500 fine, and a year’s probation for slugging that cop. Yet the writer goes to jail for 6 months, does 100 hours of community service, and ends up paying thousands towards it. Yes, we really do live in a wonderful world with wonderful people, don’t we?

Tom was saying that it’s not the spontaneous crimes Arizona’s strict about. They’re strict about those that were planned. No shit! Even so, I don’t think Paula would get just 10 days and a year’s probation for slugging a pig out here. No way.

Anyway, Paula, who admits to hitting the pig, said she was hit first. I don’t know what to believe. A lot of pigs are aggressive, and they do hit, so I’d say that yeah, she probably was hit. In that case, she had every right to hit back. Sometimes two wrongs do make a right if you ask me. Sometimes you just have to give back what you get, depending on the situation.

She says her lawyer’s pressuring her to plead guilty. Public pretenders will always try for that. Remember, they’re on the state/county’s side and not their clients.

Received a quick letter from Mary. She thinks Pérez went to Madison, too. Figures, huh? What is it with all the Estrella DOs moving to Madison? Is there anyone there I knew?

She said the testifying’s been delayed till March and that a new prosecutor was assigned to the case. She asked me to look up what I could find on the new prosecutor, but I couldn’t find anything on her.

She hasn’t seen hotdogs in a while. That’s good, but I’ll bet they’d suddenly reappear like magic if I were there!

Hope’s still her celly. I wonder what the hell she’s in there for. I asked Mary, but I have a feeling she won’t tell me.

Other than that, she praised my book again and thanked me for writing as often as I do. Makes her smile, she says.

Believe it or not, I decided to do some wall art, but only in the retreat. I did a ballerina, but I don’t like the way the fat-faced thing turned out. My flowers came out okay, though. Flowers are easy because you don’t have to be so precise with them.

So much for not anticipating Scot till April or May. The cheeks showed up yesterday. It hasn’t even been 3 weeks since his last visit! This is the first time he’s ever come twice in the same month. Tom said it’s simply because he happened to be in the area, but after what’s happened, I’m always suspicious of anyone in the system. It makes me wonder - did I say or do anything to falsely imply we may move? Or is something else going on I don’t know about? I just didn’t expect him to pop in again so soon, but maybe that’s why he did. Well, if he shows up again before mid-February, I’m not opening the door. Just because he hasn’t done anything corrupt yet that we know about, doesn’t mean he’s clean with the best of intentions in mind. He could be a friend of the freeloaders for all I know, biding his time, just waiting to slowly start harassing me. I doubt it, but you just never know. He could suddenly decide to either make demands he knows I can’t/won’t meet or badger me with the hopes that it’d cause me to abscond. Again, I doubt it. He probably was in the area. But just in case, I’m standing my ground against the freeloaders/system. I’m not going to be driven out of my home. I just won’t answer the door much if he starts coming around more often. Maybe if he sees I’m not that accessible, he’ll back off, but if he does have it in mind to start harassing me, and if he can’t get to me in one way, he’ll go another route to get at me. I’d rather him bug me every week, though than tear up the house. I wouldn’t let it happen if I could help it, but that’s my biggest worry. Again, I doubt it’ll happen, but the reason it’s my biggest fear is not only cuz of the humiliation of feeling violated by having strangers pawing through our personal stuff but cuz I know they’ll take something. I know how it is - if they can’t find contraband, they take something that isn’t. They’re not gonna waste all their time and work walking out of here empty-handed. Besides, it’s a power thing, too. Just the idea that they can take from someone. It’s an adrenaline rush for them, making them feel all high and mighty and God-like.

All I can say is what I’ve already said - if he hurts us, he hurts himself. He’ll ruin his career, his life and much more if he steps out of line. Never again will anyone hide behind the law to use and abuse us with it while we lie down and just take it.

I’m shocked to say, after yesterday’s dentist appointment, that I have not one cavity! See, I really think Smith made up a lot of those cavities. I’m so glad I switched dentists. This one’s so much more competent, honest and friendly. She finds new things to compliment me on each time I see her. This time it was my young-looking hands that lack brown spots, and the dimple in my left cheek that I’ve always hated. Looks like a zit to me.

Her assistant was talking about painting stars and clouds on her kid’s ceiling and I mentioned the wall art to them. The dentist thought the idea sounded cool and was curious about it, so I said I’d send some pictures of various wall art to her.

I decided to wait a couple of weeks, at least till he gets paid, before I get another whitening kit, cuz they’re $30. I did get more fluoride toothpaste for $10, though, since I’m not doing the fluoride treatments with the trays. She said we didn’t have to drive all the way in to pick it up, either. She’ll mail it to us, which is very nice of her.

After seeing her, we went through a fast-food drive-through, then to Walgreens. I got silver chrome nail polish, though it looks more like shiny gray than metallic silver. It’s still nice, though.

I also got a vanilla lip gloss and a watermelon one, too.

Then I got 3 Kelsey dolls for $12. They’re close in size to Barbie. I got a blue-eyed blond, a green-eyed redhead, and a brown-eyed brunette. They each came with spare outfits.

MONDAY, JANUARY 21, 2002 I’m trying out a new word processor now. So far, I like how it has a lot of colors to choose from and a built-in text reader, but it has several flaws.

I freed my last male mouse and now all the ladies are living together. I have about a dozen in all till the babies are born.

Decided to do some wall art, after all this time, but only in the retreat. All it is is a music room/storeroom. As soon as the sun comes up and I have better lighting, I’ll attempt some outlines. If those are a success, then we’ll get some markers. I was thinking I’d do floral decorations. Maybe a Bugs Bunny too, like I had on the bedroom wall in Phoenix.

Yesterday morning, just before 7:00, I heard two dogs barking outside the window in front. When I looked out, they were barking at something on the front steps, though at first I couldn’t see what it was. My yanking the blinds up so I could see better scared the dogs back a few feet. Then I saw next door’s big black cat. It jumped off the stairs, then the dogs chased it down toward where it lives. When I glanced out the side door, I thought I saw it lying dead about 80 feet away, but since the sun wasn’t fully up yet, I couldn’t see that it was really a dead cactus slumped over. The cat escaped by climbing up a tree.

The ruckus woke Tom up, but fortunately not too long before he was going to get up, anyway. I’m pretty sick of dogs on our property. These are always huge dogs, too. Never any little poodles or anything like that. So I’m hoping we can do the entire exterior fencing this year. Even though they’d be too big to squeeze through the barbed wire, we talked about stringing a low-voltage wire around the perimeter.

I’m going to try to stay up as late as I can, but I don’t expect I’ll sleep well tomorrow or the next day with them booming away up there. It’ll depend on the time they do it.

When we saw Scot Friday, I told him I decided I didn’t have enough dolls and so I decided to get more. He then said, “Oh, just what the old man needs. I’ll bet he’s thrilled. But there are worse things to collect.” That’s when he told us about people collecting barf bags from planes. Unused, of course.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 17, 2002 Although we both checked, we couldn’t find anything about Paula online. Massachusetts doesn’t air out people’s dirty laundry like Arizona does. Arizona is definitely the most unique state as far as what’s illegal and what’s not. So much so that the Madison Street jail is the only jail in the country with live cameras. Meaning, I can go online and watch them at intake, the very place I was first at! There are 4 different cameras. They show a holding cell, the whole row of holding cells, the search cell, and the area where the mug shots are taken. Wouldn’t it be a trip if I saw Teddy Bear!

Due to the way my stomach reacts so poorly to dairy products, I’ve been forced to change my diet menu. I can’t have dairy or roughage. Especially raw roughage. I’m simply going to have one big chicken, potato and broccoli TV dinner, a bag of popcorn, and some crackers each day. I’ll be hungrier on this menu, but I’d rather be hungry than sick. I’m sick of having so much gas and sometimes getting the runs, too.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 15, 2002 I’m rather tired this cloudy day cuz the freeloaders said I had to get up sooner than I’d have liked so I could see Scot on Friday. If he doesn’t test me then, then who knows when he will?

I finished the East Coast part of my story yesterday, including its final proofreading. Today or tomorrow I’ll start my adventures in the wild, wild West!

Paula’s been through her share of Eastern adventures. Sure enough, she has been busy getting arrested, but as usual, I couldn’t make sense of her rapidly changing and disjointed sentences. Something about speeding and a case of mistaken identity between her and her twin brother Paul concerning her car. Then she said she beat up on this lady cop. Then she’s also in trouble for threatening that woman on school grounds.

She has court this week. The 3 months she spent in Niantic wasn’t the only time she did. She’s done two 6-month sentences. All of which were for assault. I never was kidding when I said she had one aggressive temper! It sounds to me like she’s going to be doing time. I told her to notify me if she does, so I can hold off on sending letters to her.

I hope she curbs her temper soon. You can only point a loaded gun at other people so many times before that gun’s turned on you. Meaning, she’s gonna end up hitting the wrong person and getting herself killed sooner or later.

She says that her father never got packages she sent him in Florida, either.

Paula was so hyped up and even paranoid. It seems she’s more and more paranoid lately, always thinking her phone’s tapped. I got a kick out of how she claims she hears static depending on what she says. As if taps know what’s being said! Anyway, if I didn’t know any better, I’d swear she was on something.

I feel so bad for Justin. She’s always threatening to beat his ass, break his face, punch him out, etc. That kid must be utterly terrified half the time! He’s going to turn out to be a monster. This is the type of rearing that produces the utmost violent people. I know she’s beating on him. I’d be willing to bet she’s never hugged, kissed or praised the kid.

During my interview with Tom, he claimed he didn’t want our relationship to be platonic since I’ve been home and said that he’s only kept his distance cuz I haven’t been interested. No, I haven’t been, but I don’t buy his being interested. Wouldn’t he have brought it up a few times here and there if he was? I think that unlike me, he can’t admit his lack of desire. I told him a few times I was rather indifferent and that if he felt he had to do it, ok, but when he didn’t bother to pursue the matter, I assumed he wasn’t any more interested than I was.

I can live with the same person year after year, obviously, but I can’t have sex with the same person year after year. I want Teddy Bear till I get sick of her and get her out of my system!

MONDAY, JANUARY 14, 2002 We finished making the Barbie stands. We ended up using Plexiglas for the bases as well as the stands and they look really good. A lot better than if we’d used CDs.

Tom set up a can crusher outside so we can crush soda cans and take them in for money. It’ll be like another piggy bank.

I did an “interview” with Tom for my book. He told me more about his childhood, but we haven’t gotten to his adulthood yet.

I can’t believe they’ve been working on that house in back for 3 months now.

Today’s one of those days where I’m really missing Teddy Bear quite badly. As bad as I did a lot of the time during my first few months home. Can’t get the woman off my mind! Will we see each other? And if so, how often, and what will happen? So many questions run through my mind. Has she been alone all this time? Does she miss me?

SATURDAY, JANUARY 12, 2002 Gina still misses me, she told Tom when he dumped stuff at the recycling center. The people she has right now are doing such a lousy job. She hinted at the possibility of having to hire someone, but I’m not about to get my hopes up. If I were meant to be a homemaker like I have been over the years, why would that suddenly change? Seems to me that if I were meant to be working, I’d have been working all along. Also, it’s too good to be true. The job would just be too ideal, and the idea of the freeloaders leading us to more money after they took us for thousands, seems rather ironic. I also have to wonder, if we made more money, would the Gods be more tempted to send someone to steal it from us? It just seems that whenever we have more money than usual, someone rips us off.

For just $20 Tom got an awesome new vacuum. It’s small and you can sling it over your shoulder with a strap. As small as it is, though, it has major suction. It’d be ideal for vacuuming the couch, blinds, utility area, countertops, and the area around the animal cages.

I received mail from the doll company yesterday (Paradise Galleries) and now I have to wait two months for Sugar Plum, the musical ballerina. I guess they’re made and assembled in batches in China.

I also got mail from Mary. It was a quick letter saying she has to testify on the 4th. I wonder if it’d be on the news, being a high-profile case. I’d think the baby killer would generate more media coverage than the stalker.

She said she hasn’t seen Pérez yet, but when she does, she’ll slip her my note/pictures. I get the impression Pérez hasn’t been there in a while. I wonder if she’s still even there. She says there are a lot of new DOs. No Teddy Bear.

She also praised my writing, saying I was a very talented writer and that my life has been like a good thriller. Ha! If she thinks that, wait till she reads my life out here. I’ve decided to have two books. Book one will be Life in New England (the first 26 years of my life) and book two will be Life in the Southwest (ages 26-35). Book one is going to be about 50 pages long with 58 chapters.

I spotted an easy way through the wash that’s in back of the house. It’s not as close to the house as the front wash is. Anyway, I walked through and back towards the rentals. What pieces of shit! No decent white person with a decent, honest job is going to want to live in a dump like that.

It’s quite a walk from this house to the back property line. There are 4 washes on our land. The front one’s just a dozen or so feet from the house, maybe a bit more. The second one’s about 100 feet behind the house, then there’s one about 50 feet from the rental, with one in between. The one in between is pretty half-assed. It’s like it barely formed. This is where he wants to build a barn, whether or not we have horses. It’ll be a good privacy block, as well as the hedges we’re going to put up, and a good way to get water to them. For now, we’re gonna dig a trench and use the old plastic well piping to pipe water out to the hedges.

So, our tentative plans are to put up an interior fence, a doggie door, barb wire the west and north perimeters, porch/screen the 3 doors, though we may not get them screened in this year, plant exterior hedges (mostly in back), and a couple of palms and clumps of cactus in front.

Next year we’ll screen the porches, do the barn, do the pool/AZ room, finish the exterior fencing, and create a circular drive in front that’ll extend over the wash. So he’ll still park where he parks. He just won’t get to that spot the same way he does now, which is driving in between ours and next door’s property.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 10, 2002 Well, I finally get to hear my wind chime and hear it well. Some would find the clanking annoying, but I love the sound of wind chimes. There’s a dust storm blowing through right now and if it’s fronting any rain, I don’t know. It was gorgeous earlier. Around 70 with a gentle, clean-smelling breeze. The perfect weather for opening windows.

I’m beginning to think that yes, Paula is in jail, but I’ll find out sooner or later. I won’t write to her till I do. Besides, I’m still pissed at her for saying she was going to send stuff she knew she wasn’t going to send.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 9, 2002 Down to 120 pounds now.

The red pickup and George are in back again. It sucks to know that the dog the renters will have, and I know they’ll have one cuz their place will be closest to ours, may very well be audible within the house if it’s got a loud bark. Nowhere near as loud as those collies in Phoenix, but it may even be somewhat annoying when we’re outdoors while it’s a straight shot without any hedges to absorb some of the sounds.

Yesterday it was so nice out. Cool in the shade and warm in the sun, the air smelling as clean as can be. Today it’s cloudy and cool with the air reeking of horse shit. I don’t know why you can smell it some days and others you can’t.

Now there’s a white mini-van in back I’ve never seen before.

Tom may be switching to nights and looking at a raise, but we don’t know this yet for sure.

I was pleasantly surprised to get my dolls yesterday. I love them! Some of the colors aren’t quite what they appeared to be online, though. Emerald’s dress looked pine green like Rapunzel’s, but it’s more of an olive green. She’s one realistic-looking doll for $25! Valentine, another member of the fairy series by this artist, isn’t quite as nice, but certainly nice enough. Her dress looked pink online, but it’s mauve. Both the mauve and olive dresses add good variety as far as colors go, though I don’t particularly care for olive. The doll wearing the dress, on the other hand, is great. She has red hair and green eyes, while Valentine has blond hair and blue eyes.

Twinkle looks sensational and also very realistic. She’s no Bailey, but she’s close. Only her gray eyes fringed with auburn lashes aren’t as realistic, but only if you get close up to her. What I like about dolls that are around her size is that you don’t have to get right up to them to see them well enough. Especially the girl dolls, which tend to be thicker. Summer Dream is only a couple of inches shorter in length, yet you have to be close to her to admire her fine, delicate detail. Twinkle’s hair looked washed out online, making it appear white, but it really is white! Talk about variety and originality. It really goes with her fairy theme and her satiny pink outfit. I didn’t attach her wings, though. They were full of glitter and they made a mess. I’m not big on wings anyway. I never attached Angel’s, Linda’s or Valentine’s, but I did attach Emerald’s cuz they were cool looking with just a little glitter and scattered glittery stones.

The little fairies come with some cute accessories. Emerald comes with a gold plastic treasure chest, bedecked with jewels inside and out. There’s even a beaded necklace inside. Valentine comes with a gold wand in which a pink jeweled heart sits on top, and also a plastic butterfly-shaped box with multi-colored jeweled hearts inside. Ashton-Drake wouldn’t sell one of these $25 dolls for under $80! And I can’t believe Twinkle and Praying Spirit were under $200!

Twinkle’s wand is really cool looking, by the way, and she’s my first doll to lie on her tummy.

The only one that wasn’t as impressive in person was Praying Spirit, but she sure is nice enough and I don’t intend to send her back. She looked lighter online and her lips looked rosier, but again, she adds variety to my collection with her hands clasped in prayer and her long braid flowing down the middle of her back. I had done up a cheap doll that was stored away in a braid, but it didn’t look too good.

It was the PO that fucked up and not the doll place. It’s totally something that would have to happen to me, though. I always have to fight for or wait on dolls.

The next one I want to get from them is Blossom for $60 who goes with Twinkle.

When I checked online, I found another picture of Sugar Plum, who’s on her way, and she is poseable. I figured she wouldn’t be all-porcelain like Patrice and Colette, but even so, I’m amazed she’s just $25.

Now there’s a car I can barely see from the angle it’s parked with what appears to be, looking through the binoculars, a white guy and two Indian women standing on the front steps of the house. Perspective renters? Wouldn’t surprise me since we can’t have white neighbors, but I’ll take Indian over black or Mexican.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 8, 2002 There’s been a red pickup, along with George’s white one, in back the last two days. I wonder when it’ll ever have power and people living in it. The longer it takes, the better.

I wonder if Teddy Bear ever did check into some property out here. I’ll find out, hopefully, soon after 111 days.

I fine-tuned my diet to perfection, so I should start losing weight again. I’ve been stuck at 121 pounds.

MONDAY, JANUARY 7, 2002 The dolls still haven’t come, so Tom called them from work at the bank’s expense. The girl he talked to said they usually take 10 days. Then why did they say they shipped priority mail? Priority mail takes only 2-3. God, I hate liars! And if they use regular parcel post, how come they only take 10 days and Ashton-Drake took 3 weeks? And does their 10 days mean “10 days” or 10 “business days?” Well, either way, he feels they’re definitely a legitimate business and that they’ll be here this week. I hope so, cuz even by regular mail, it shouldn’t take this long from San Diego. They were shipped the day after we placed the order like they said they usually do. It’s been 8 days. They also said they can’t put a trace on it till it’s been 30 days, so I’d have to wait till the 28th of this month. I hope my doll luck doesn’t turn out to be that shitty!

We’re now trying out a new way to epoxy the Barbie stands. I thought it’d look better if we epoxied the Plexiglas stand right to the CD. So far, so good. Our prototype’s drying nicely. I think it can handle a 5-oz. doll.

I took a strip of material that Ma had given me and I tacked it across a couple of tall, narrow slots on the entertainment center. That way I could put 4 small dolls in that area.

I definitely want to convert back to having nothing but female mice, so I set up one male with 5 females. Once they have babies, I’ll ditch the males. So I have 3 groups right now. A pair of males, the male and females, and then I’ve got 6 females.

I forgot to say that Scot amazed the shit out of me by not testing me when I saw him on the 4th, and he also stopped by today. He was in and out in a flash, and Mr. Serious was loosened up for a change. He even laughed when he saw all the dolls strewn about the kitchen table. What a stupid ditz he is, though. Talk about being non-observant! He asked if the Bowflex was a Christmas present, saying he hadn’t seen it before!

Anyway, I’m glad he finally came. Now this will be one less thing I have to anticipate bugging me for a while. I don’t expect him back till May.

SUNDAY, JANUARY 6, 2002 Did I get my dolls last Friday? Of course not. They better be here on Monday! I’d be very surprised if they weren’t, despite my shit doll luck. If they’re not, Tom will call them from work. If they took the money Monday, I doubt they shipped them any later than Tuesday. Therefore, I doubt it’d take more than a week to get to me.

We finally got the second story of the rat’s cage back on. It looks pretty neat.

We went outside yesterday and staked out where we want the interior fence to be. It’s going to run from the utility pole at the corner of the house where he parks to the back door. It’ll extend out towards the wash in back, which means Pepper or whatever dog we do get, if we get a dog, will have plenty of room. Way more room than your typical yard in Phoenix.

Next week we should know exactly how much stock money we’ll be getting and what we’ll be doing with it. We’ll at least get some ideas, then we’ll get prices. Some things may cost more or less than we think they do. We didn’t expect to get the satellite this cheap, but that’s why God compensated us with the delay. So you just get more hassles with the money you save. It’s still good to find things for less than you thought because then there’s room for buying more stuff.

As of yesterday, there has been a huge dumpster sitting behind the new rental, but no activity. They’ll probably make up for lost time this coming week.

I’m surprised Paula hasn’t been pestering me. Could she be in jail? Or maybe she’s feeling guilty for lying to me about sending first a doll, then a letter and pictures.

FRIDAY, JANUARY 4, 2002 Oh, how I hope Tom’s right about it being unlikely that I have to piss in front of anyone! Either way, in just a few hours I can get that over with, then get asked the same damn questions, half of which he knows the answer to, like how much time I got total. It really bugs me when he tells me how much time I have left. First of all, I know how much time I have left, and what’s the point of bringing that up? Does he think it’d make me feel better? It’s way too soon to be counting down the probation time. I’m worlds away from the end. I’m not even to the halfway marker yet. This is an annoyance not worth bitching about, but if he ever again refers to them as the “victims,” I will let him know that that bothers me and that I don’t want to hear it. God how I wish that when it wasn’t testing time, he was a gorgeous woman. It’d make it a little easier.

I moved the wind chime I got for Christmas and put it outside the office window. It’s just too hard to hear things like that in this house. Being on the stair rail just wasn’t cutting it. It’d have to be stormy-windy in order to be heard from there.

I was extremely shocked to see four or five p-dogs running around yesterday! I didn’t think they’d return till March.

If all goes well, my Teddy Bear should be 115 days away. Well, I can send the letter. I just have to hope she gets my letter or calls me if she doesn’t. I may send letters to both Estrella and Madison.

Mary sent home some oranges from her orange tree with Tom yesterday, but I couldn’t get into them. They were hard as hell to peel, and I’m just not a citrus person. Ma gave him twenty bucks, so maybe we’ll get treats at Circle K. I’m down four pounds. Down to 121. I think I can get to 115 in 27 days with a few days off from the diet in the midst.

I want my dolls today! Oh, Tom said he knows why he didn’t get an email from them; because it wouldn’t go through. He’s got something set up wrong. Even so, there should be an invoice saying that the doll they didn’t charge us for is out of stock or sold out. I knew someone would be missing or delayed. Especially after Christmas. I also knew they wouldn’t give me a free doll. I’ll bet it’s Emerald or Valentine that I won’t get today.

THURSDAY, JANUARY 3, 2002 Once again they’re talking about the possibility of Tom switching to nights, but who knows if it’ll ever happen? If it does, he’ll make almost two more bucks an hour and would work mainly from 9 PM-5 AM.

They’re also talking about laying other people off, but because that’d mean a lot of money for us, we know it won’t happen. God knows how many more years he’ll be stuck at this bank. At least he can be flexible about his hours, though, at this place. With the freeloaders occupying so much of our lives, he needs all the flexibility he can get.

Speaking of the freeloaders, I told him I was nervous about tomorrow’s trip to Scot, cuz I know he’ll test me, and I fear having to put on a piss show for someone, but Tom said it’s highly unlikely with him being the only PO in Maricopa. Of course, all he has to do is tell me to go to Casa Grande if he wants me to piss for someone that bad. I’ll know to drink a cup of tea before we leave tomorrow. It’s a great diuretic. You can get three or four trips to the bathroom in just one cup.

My bio’s still under construction with no known finish date in sight. I’m still back east. Still in MA. Haven’t even gotten to S. Deerfield yet, for that matter.

Sure enough, there were no dolls yesterday. No message about the one they didn’t bill us for. Tom thinks they may’ve comped the bill on that one for placing such a huge order, but I doubt it. No one’s that generous. If anything, they should comp a doll for the delay. It’s been a week since we placed the order, and holiday or not, I should’ve received the dolls by now. We’re thinking the dolls were shipped Monday because that’s when the money was taken, so that means they shouldn’t be here till tomorrow or Saturday. I don’t want to make him run all the way to the PO on Saturday if they don’t come on Friday, so I’ll just get them next week in that case, unless there’s some further delay.

I wish it were tomorrow afternoon! Then I won’t have to see the cheeks again for two weeks, and I should have my dolls.

They haven’t caught Bin Laden yet, the guy who masterminded the terrorist attacks. They never will either, I’d bet. These are the kinds of people God protects. So, I just try to see the good in it, and that’s that out of the many thousands of people that were killed, a lot of assholes had to be included.

They didn’t have fireworks at Times Square this year so people wouldn’t freak out thinking it was terrorists.

Although I’d go back to sleep if I were tired enough, I’m going to try to stay on a day schedule for the next few months. If I remember correctly, January through March is when they’re booming by a lot.

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 2, 2002 Yesterday we rearranged like I said we were going to with the stereo and entertainment center. I think I’ll like it better this way.

We also cooked salmon. It was the first time Tom tried it. He says he’s going to try eating healthier, but like with most things, I know he won’t stick to it. Anyway, the salmon was way too salty.

Upon ordering the dolls, I read what they had to say about ordering/shipping, and was like - you mean I can just order these and get them in a few days? Yeah, right! Sure enough, as my shit doll luck would have it, one’s out of stock and the 4 that they did charge us for weren’t shipped till Monday. There’s no way I could get them today. And this was informed to me by Tom right after I was thinking that getting all 5 dolls today was a wee bit too good to be true. Why does there always have to be some kind of catch to life’s good things? We rarely get to do things like buy stuff for ourselves like this, yet there’s always a catch. A doll’s out of stock, they screwed up my order, and there’s some glitch within the doll.

TUESDAY, JANUARY 1, 2002 Maricopa, AZ Age 36 I haven’t gotten too many vibes pertaining to this New Year. It doesn’t even feel like it’s New Year’s. All I got was that I would lose weight and that he’d get a raise around March. I can’t see anything for sure on fences, dogs, porches, etc. I don’t even have any Teddy Bear vibes, though I still think she’s coming. I hope so, but if she doesn’t, she doesn’t. I should know for sure one way or another between now and March. I think February will tell me.

As for goals, mine are to be down to 115 pounds come February 1st, 110 by March 1st, 105 by April 1st, and 100 by May 1st. I think I’ll get close if I don’t get all the way down to where I want to go. Don’t have a choice either way. I’ve got to lose some weight because my clothes are pretty tight on me, but I have already dropped some, so that’s cool. I didn’t even need to weigh myself in order to verify it. We could see the difference, and I could feel it, too. When I was 125, just a slight bend to the side would cause my sides to roll, but now it takes a little more than a little bend. Once I hit down around 105, I won’t be able to roll my sides no matter how far towards the side I bend at the waist.

We have to figure out a way to keep Little Buddy from going under the couch or else it’ll be completely destroyed in no time. I was thinking that the best way would be to staple wire or strips of wood in back of its frame.

Had some really cool rearranging ideas. I was thinking that it was rather dumb to have two “stereos” in one room. The music loaded on the computer is there if I want to work out, or if someone’s being noisy while I’m trying to work.

Meanwhile, I thought I’d put the listening/singing stereo in the storeroom (the retreat off of the bedroom). I always thought the music would sound good in that room. It’s our smallest room at 10x10. Also, the way I sit on the floor has really fucking up this semi-cheap carpet, and so I’d prefer to fuck up the carpet in more remote, less-traveled areas of the house.

I screwed a curtain rod about a half-inch from the floor in the doorway to the music room, as I’ll now call it, and Tom’s office to keep the rat out. Before, he was blocking off his dump with wire.

Lastly, I got this awesome idea for the entertainment center that he built that’s been in my office ever since we got the big-screen TV. This one may be hard to describe, but anyway, it’s got 3 columns of shelves. The first one’s about 5’ high with 3 shelves just over 22”. Each varies in height. The second column’s barely 2’ tall. It too, has 3 shelves that are 25” wide. The third column is about 4’ high with 3 shelves that are just under 22”. Well, for the most part, the dolls are too tall to go anywhere but on the top shelves, and one of the 3 top shelves was taken up by the stereo, then the monitor. If I turn it on its side, with the highest part being at the bottom, I could fit more dolls in, though not on the bottom, cuz of the rat. The shelves would be skinnier and taller, rather than short and wide. Perfect for my 22” dolls. Once turned, it’ll be C-shaped, with the bottom of the C extending out more.

I also remembered seeing an age on the tag inside the sleeper Jade’s wearing that Bailey came in. Instead of spending $100 on a dress for her at a place like JBS Dolls, I could go to K-Mart and look for something within the same age group. I still need to get her a stand someday, too.

I sent Mary some more of my own story, and some journal stuff to Paula, even though she doesn’t deserve it. I still don’t like being lied to like that just to get tapes and keep letters coming.

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la-princessaa · 1 year ago

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I'm a grown-ass adult. I'm 26 this year. I have a doctor's appointment in about an hour and a half. I want to bring my new stuffed animal. I'm going to talk about some scary stuff, or, at least, stuff that makes me nervous. Big steps. I will be weighed. I'm really anxious. And my stuffed animal is not palm sized.

Rationally, I know it would be fine, in theory. No matter what I'm going for. I've been to this doctor numerous times. This time just feels especially scary as I'm knee-deep in a bad mental place, and I'm talking about making permanent changes to my body. All I can hear is

"it's kind of funny, like, not in a bad way, but I'm having to explain that a 25 year old is upset that her teddy bear got stolen".

"Do you really need that baby(doll) anymore? You're already 9!"

"(Affectionately but you know they do think you're too old) gimme that baby! You're too old for them!"

And then add in my fear of germs and the like,and you've got a whole, fun cocktail. I want to bring him, he brings me a lot of joy, but also I'm an adult now, right? I don't need him.

#sammy's random posts #I'm tired and everything is scary and it sucks. really bad

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stingray-sins · 3 years ago

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HEADCANON TIME

THOUGHTS BEHIND FRANCESCA'S LITTLE PLUSHIE... Thanking @catboy-pucci and @jojolovenotes for this amazing headcanon that probably is gonna be a canon sooner or later after I write a fanfic about it.

I really like to think that Jotaro is the one who gives gifts disinterestedly or not even as gifts, objects that he thought someone might like and he just give. After the Egypt trip things would be a bit tense for both Jotaro and Francesca. Having experienced so many things in a short period of time is undoubtedly heartbreaking for both of them, but in an attempt to return to being the adolescents they once were and Francesca living in Tokyo, she would ask Jotaro to visit the city, to know, to travel.

In one of the after-school outings is when they find themselves in front of an Arcade, where students go after busy classes to spend money with friends to compete and have fun. Francesca would ask him to come in to see from inside which Jotaro is not much of a fan but he simply accepts without much to argue because he knows that Francesca will not change her mind when she already has something on her hands. That's when they come in to try their luck, the famous SEGA machines are a success in those moments in 1990 and even more for the prizes with won tickets. Francesca does not confess but she has really caught her attention a Sonic plush toy, all cute things on Japan are just bright for her and that Sonic plushie is something she wants to win it at all costs but simply someone else has taken the prize that she so desired.

On the way, Jotaro feels how sad she has been for not winning it but she tries to hide it, mentioning that they can go another day and that it is not necessary. The days go by and on the table in her room he finds a teddy, without a doubt it is not Sonic at all but it has an air and is apparently made by hand, different shades of blue, different face...

Francesca lets out a sweet laugh knowing who was the mastermind behind that handmade stuffed animal, it won't be Sonic but it is even something much better. because it is unique, it has a more beautiful meaning and it's hers. Over time Francesca finds it difficult to admit but she continues to keep that stuffed animal, she actually sleeps with it and although it sounds very immature to say so... that special stuffed animal has been her comfort companion to face the sad and traumatic nights. next to the plushie she feels calm and accompanied. She may be a 26-year-old woman, already independent and with a stable job, but that stuffed animal should never be missing in her bed. never.

#Headcanons.🐠#Thoughts.🐠#Jotacesca.🐠#Francesca castiglier #jotaro kujo #jojo oc #jjba oc #jojo's bizarre adventure oc

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edith-is-a-cat · 11 months ago

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okay so time to number them

have four small scars on my face

the coolest (aka the eyebrow scar) was from this type of toy piano

3. the one on my forehead is from a glass coffee table, specifically from me singing along to the sofia the first intro and went along with the dip she did, slashing my forehead open, on easter 4. The other two, by my eye and mouth are from a dog bite, and it's from none of my mother's dogs from my grandpa's dog on my father's side on his weekend (i tripped over the dog and somehow he blamed it on my mom?? I was like a literal inch away from getting a messed up eyes) 5. I have many small scars on my hands and i have no idea where they came from (for awhile i didn't even know they were scars) 6. I think i have emetophobia? though it only gets horrible when it's others 7. I cut bangs for myself when i was little 8. I had braces 9. I had a gap that I miss so damn much 10. My canines are smaller than average, my right one being the smaller 11. For awhile I though you lost nails like teeth.. (i lost both my thumbnails and they regrew and my left pointer. 12. I burnt my left pointer finger on a texas shaped waffle maker, now it's a bit sensitive to heat 13. I've picked up two wild birds randomly when i was younger 14. I have a super faded birthmark that is kinda in the shape of a heart 15. I have a stuffed animal that is as old as me and got left at a hotel one time and is so apart of me it's basically why i use it/it's pronouns 16. I went to private school up until freshman year when i had to move 17. I have never had a crush, have someone have a crush on me, or dated someone 18. My favorite top three movies are: howls moving castle, cinderella (live action 2015), the holdovers 19. I don't really have a favorite song but i do have a favorite album (how to be a human being by glass animals) 20. I have a laptop that will be turning 5 next school year 21. I name a lot of things: big as teddy bear: jerry (after one of my favorite characters (hes from tales from the gas station if you are curious), teddy bear i got when i was born: teddy, eevee build-a-bear: eeveelyn, sylveon build-a-bear: levi (yes after levi from obey me), my melody build-a-bear: len (yes after the vocaloid, my best friend has a matching kuromi thats named rin :3) 22. I had to play twst twice before i really got into it 23. Twst and utdr are the only fandoms ive really interacted with 24. One of my favorite books is small steps: the year I got polio i had to read it twice in school and i read it once or twice on my own 25. My favorite book series is tales from the gas station and i could recite the blog version from heart due to how many times i fell asleep to mrcreepypasta's reading of it (his voice is so literally perfect for the mc (aka jack) and i refuse to believe the voice of jack in the theatrical release is how jack canonically sounds) 26. I have house of leaves and i have tried to start reading it but i just was unable to comprehend for a hot minute so i'm waiting to have a LONGGGG plane ride of something similar to read it 27. My main name, edie, was inspired from what remains of edith finch. I also choose it so if someone were to call me it i could use the excuse it's a nickname since my initials are E.D. 28. The name kel is directly lifted from omori, jeff is also lifted from the creepypasta but thats because i was matching pfps with my friend and they were matching ben and jeff pfps and someone in a discord server im in didn't know my name so they just called me jeff and i really like that, moss is deltarune + a meme i think about sometimes 29. I thought i was outed once via tiktok 30. I was almost outed as queer on a road trip and my sibling's best friend yelled something about it when i was playing a game on my phone that had pride flags available (he was queer too and probably just didn't realize i wasn't out) 31. I am not out to my parents and plan to never be (but they probably already know im some form of gay and don't really care <<ref: "I don't care if it's a guy, a girl, or a sea bass">>)

hey... uhm thanks for reading? that was a lot and im genuinely surprised i wrote that all

cutely kicks my legs woukd u liek to hear fun facts about me :3

#silly little bear chatters :]

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angelicamerlinbarnes · 3 years ago

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Okay but like I feel like Diego is the kind of person to flirt with really bad pick-up lines and Klaus is just Not Having It

featuring: Diego being a flustered Mama's boy and Klaus being a disaster dumbass and the two of them being completely in love with each other anyway

DISCLAIMER: None of the pick-up lines are mine, but the responses and ensuing shenanigans are :)

(there's fifty of these so buckle up kids :) sorry not sorry <3)

seriously though some of these are really bad

#1: He A Snack

Diego: Baby, you belong in the vending machine because you’re a snack.

Klaus: Diego you know I’m claustrophobic.

Diego: Don’t you mean Klaus-trophobic??? *finger guns*

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: I want a divorce.

#2: I’m From Hell

Diego: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Klaus: I’m a veteran addict and abuse victim who can see ghosts, Diego.

Klaus: Everything hurts.

#3: Animal Puns

Diego: *points to TV screen playing the Discovery Channel* Hey Klaus.

Diego: You’re my otter half.

Klaus: Diego those are meerkats.

#4: Stars

Diego: The stars are beautiful tonight.

Klaus: Yup.

Diego: You know who else is beautiful?

Klaus: Ben.

#5: Get Out Your Handcuffs Mister

Diego: You’re under arrest… for stealing my heart.

Klaus: Diego you got kicked out of the police academy like five years ago, just give up.

#6: Bad Boys

Diego: *leaning against the doorframe like a moron* So. I hear you like bad boys.

Klaus: Diego you cried because you accidentally stepped on a bee last week.

Diego: Well yeah but -

Klaus: You held a funeral for it. You made us all speak. You had Allison fly in from California. It was a fucking bee, Diego.

Diego: … I wear leather?

Klaus: So does every other kid who shops at Hot Topic. You’re not special.

#7: Prince Charming

Diego: Your knight in shining armor is here -

Klaus: One, that’s a turtleneck, not armor.

Klaus: Two, you’re covered in blood. That’s the opposite of shiny.

Klaus: Three, you smell like dead fish. Go take a shower.

#8: Chemistry

Diego: Did we have a class together? Because I could’ve sworn we had -

Klaus: Chemistry? Yup. Also English and math and foreign languages and history and like every other fucking thing because we grew up in the same sadistic boarding school, Diego.

#9: The Store Can’t Just Give Away Things For Free. That’s A Terrible Way To Run A Business.

Diego: I like your pants.

Klaus: Thanks. I got them out of a dumpster. And yes, you can have them 100% off.

Diego: *voice cracks* Really?

Klaus: No.

#10: Boyfriend Material

Diego: My jeans are made of -

Klaus: You’re wearing leather pants Diego.

Diego: Okay but -

Klaus: So they’re made of leather and they’re not fucking jeans.

#11: Digits

Diego: I lost my phone number. Can I have -

Klaus: None of us have phones, Diego.

Diego: I can… buy us some?

Klaus: Fine. I want my number to be 1-420-420-4201.

Diego: Baby no.

Klaus: *pulling out the puppy dog eyes* Pwetty pwease?

Diego: Fine, but mine’s gonna be 1-696-969-6969.

Klaus: I love you so much. Marry me. Have my babies.

#12: Love At First Sight

Diego: Do you believe in love at first sight or -

Klaus: If I did I’d have already fallen in love with a lot of hot ghosts.

Diego: - should I walk by again?

Klaus: You’ve been pacing for the past ten minutes, Gogo. I think if it was gonna happen it would’ve by now.

#13: You Have Fine Written All Over You

Diego: Are you a parking ticket? Cause -

Klaus: Diego I can’t drive.

#14: His Eyes Are Green Not Blue You Dipshit

Diego: Your eyes are an ocean, and I’m lost at sea.

Klaus: ... can’t you, like, hold your breath forever?

Diego: *blinks* Baby, I love you, but you’re ruining this with our childhood trauma.

Klaus: Well since you’ve refused therapy I just thought this was the next best option.

Diego: I take back what I said about loving you.

#15: Math Is Dumb And I Wish School Would Stop Teaching It

Diego: Are you a forty-five degree angle?

Klaus: Actually, because humans have non-linear body shapes, it’s impossible for their specific angles to be measured -

Diego: Are you high or have you been defiling Five’s books again?

Klaus: *blinks* Why can’t it be both?

Diego: *rethinking life decisions*

#16: Baby I’m All Yours

Diego: Do you have a name?

Klaus: Klaus.

Diego: Or can I call you mine?

Klaus: I mean I prefer “baby”, but sure.

Diego: *super wide eyes* Really?

Klaus: *melts into a puddle of glitter* Yeah, Gogo.

#17: (Not) Bookworms

Diego: Thank god I brought my library card. Cause I’m here to check you out.

Klaus: *through a mouthful of waffles* God isn’t real. We all die and rot beneath the earth to be eaten by maggots. There is no such thing as a higher power.

Klaus: *swallows waffles and takes a really loud slurp of an orange juice and chocolate milk combo*

Klaus: Oh, and the library’s closed for renovations til, like, Christmas so you’re outta luck, sorry.

Diego: I thought you met god? Little girl on a bicycle?

Klaus: Her? Nah, only Satan’s got that much sass. Plus, that wasn’t heaven.

Diego: And you know this how?

Klaus: *squishes Diego’s face with both hands* Think about it. Do you really think dear ol’ dad’s in heaven?

Diego: Can you let of my face please?

#18: Bad Move, Buddy

Diego: Are you a pre-historic fossil? Cause you’re my missing link.

Klaus:

Klaus: Did you just call me old?

Diego, backing out of the room slowly: What? No! No of course not! No, obviously no, absolutely not -

Klaus: *releases savage war cry*

Diego: *runs for his goddamn life*

#19: I Rate This 0/10

Diego: Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only -

Klaus: I don’t know where I’m from. I’m an orphan.

Diego: Oh… I know, baby -

Klaus: And the piece of shit that adopted me lived in New York anyway. We’re in New York right now actually. Do you need a geography lesson? I think Pogo’s got a map -

Diego: Klaus.

#20: Oh Shit

Diego: If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Klaus:

Klaus: *tears up* I’m nothing?

Diego: Oh no. No no no. No, baby, you’re not nothing, don’t cry, I’m so sorry, that’s not what I meant, baby - oh my god please don’t cry -

#21: You’ve Got Everything I’m Searching For

Diego: Is your name Google? Because -

Klaus: Diego. For the last time…

Klaus: My name is Kimberly Linda Aerealia Ulysses Saffron Hargreeves the Twenty-Fourth. I don’t know why I need to keep explaining this to you -

Diego, kissing him quiet: You’re my favorite person in the world, you know that?

#22: Don’t Make Bets You’ll Lose, Luther.

Diego: Luther bet me a hundred bucks I couldn’t talk to the prettiest person here. How do you wanna spend his money?

Klaus: Drugs.

Diego: Baby -

Klaus: *beams* Nah, I’m just kidding. Stuffed giraffes.

Diego: *grins* For Five?

Klaus: *nods* For Five.

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego: He’ll hate them.

Klaus: Exactly. Let’s go.

#23: Deja Vu

Diego: Have we met before?

Klaus: Yes. Obviously. Are you also high?

Diego: No -

Diego: Wait, you’re high?

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus: No?

#24: Such An Optimist

Diego: Are you a time traveller?

Klaus: No, that’s Five.

Diego: Cause I think you’re my future!

Klaus: *stares blankly*

Diego: No? Nothing? Nada?

Klaus: In the future we’re all dead dipshit.

Klaus: Because. Ya know.

Klaus: THERE’S A FUCKING APOCALYPSE COMING.

Diego:

Diego: Okay then.

#25: Please Go To The Hospital.

Diego: Are you my appendix? Cause my stomach’s fluttering and I think I should take you out.

Klaus:

Klaus: Did you drink water from the fish tank again?

Diego: *turning green* Luther dared me to okay???!!!!

#26: Suicidal Tendencies

Diego: Hey gorgeous -

Klaus: Let me guess. I should drop dead?

Diego: What?! No! Baby -

#27: Infinitely On The Naughty List (And Not The Good Kind Of Naughty List (If There Is One I’m Asexual I Don’t Know))

Diego: Are you Santa Klaus? Cause you make all my wishes come true.

Klaus:

Klaus: You have five seconds to run.

Diego: *already two streets away* Fucking shit -

#28: You Can’t Use That Every Time We Have An Argument, Tony.

Diego: Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?

Klaus: I mean, there’s one in the corner of our living room right now, so I guess?

Diego:

Diego: *squeaks* You - you can see dinosaur ghosts?

Klaus: I mean, there’s a chance that thing Ben’s petting is just a super deformed ostrich, but yeah, I think so.

Diego:

Diego: *tearing up* That’s so cool.

#29: A Whole New Kind Of Thirst Trap

Diego: I’m thirsty. But guess whose body is 75% water?

Diego: *smirks*

Klaus: *frowns*

Klaus: Hold on, I know this one…

Diego: Klaus -

Klaus: *snaps fingers* Oh, I know! Luther!

Diego: *horrified* What the fuck Klaus why the fuck would you say that -

#30: What A Tragedy

Diego: You must be a campfire. Because you’re super hot and I want s’more.

Klaus:

Klaus: Diego sweetheart, you’re allergic to marshmallows.

Diego: *tearing up* I know.

Klaus: You wanna hug, baby?

Diego: *crying* Yes please.

#31: That Can’t Be Allowed

Diego: Don’t tell me if you want me to take you out to dinner. Just smile for yes, or do a backflip/somersault/counter-spin gymnastics combination for no.

Klaus: *smirks*

Klaus: *does a triple flip and lands perfectly on the top of the bar counter*

Diego: *turns bright red* That was h-h-hot.

Klaus: *beams and jumps down into Diego’s arms bridal-style*

Klaus: *kisses his cheek* I know, baby.

#32: Merry Christmas

Diego: You’re the reason Santa started the Naughty List.

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: *pouts*

Klaus: No fair! He told me last week I was on the Nice List!

Diego: What? Klaus? What does that -

Diego: OH MY GOD KLAUS IS SANTA DEAD???!!!!

#33: I’ll Keep You Safe, Honey.

Diego: I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me instead?

Klaus: *pulls out a stuffed tiger*

Klaus: He got lost in the kitchen. Don’t worry, I rescued him for you.

Diego: *takes soft tiger*

Diego: *voice cracks* Oh. Thanks.

Klaus: *kisses his forehead* You’re welcome, baby.

#34: Excuse Me?

Diego: The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.

Klaus, internally: Shit. What if he finds out I stole like five of his knives and all of the cookies last week?

Klaus, externally: *blinks*

Klaus: Um… Stefonopolis?

#35: I Am Not Apologizing For This One

Diego: If you were a steak, you’d be well done.

Klaus: But I’m so unique…

Klaus: I talk to the dead, Diego.

Diego: Okay…?

Klaus: *smirks*

Klaus: So wouldn’t I be medium rare?

Ben: Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#36: Leonardo Da Vinci Was Arrested Multiple Times For Homosexual Activity.

Diego: Is this a museum? Cause you’re a work of art.

Klaus: *dancing to the soundtrack of High School Musical 3* Actually Five took me back to Italy once. Leonardo da Vinci and I had some fun.

Diego:

Diego: Oh my god. Seriously?

Diego: *looks up picture of Mona Lisa, now titled Mona Klausa*

Diego: How the fuck -

#37: Why Would You Say That Though

Diego: Am I sleepwalking? Cause I’ve only seen you in my dreams.

Klaus: *sitting on the counter and eating a donut in one bite* Are they dirty?

Luther: *chokes on a pickle*

Diego: Oh my god no -

Diego: Well sometimes -

Diego: I mean no of course not -

Luther: *praying to whoever’s up there to just kill him already*

#38: Be Safe Kids!

Diego: Can you hold this for me?

Klaus: Sweetie, you need to wash your hands.

#39: Apocalypse Averted!

Diego: If looks could kill, you’d be a weapon of mass destruction.

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: I thought that was Vanya.

Diego:

Diego, panicking: Holy shit Klaus you can’t just say things like that -

Vanya: *crying from laughter*

#40: Attractive

Diego: Do you swallow magnets? Because you’re -

Klaus: *shoves him up against the wall*

Klaus: How did you find out? Who told you? Was it Ben? I swear to god I’ll kill him -

Diego: *squeaks* What?

#41: First You’ve Gotta Propose Diego

Diego: Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?

Klaus: Diego. Did you buy me a cake?

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus: I’m waiting.

Diego: Right sir yes sir right away sir -

#42: He May Not Be A Kitten But He Is As Soft As One

Diego: If I followed you home, would you keep me?

Klaus: I’m homeless, Diego.

Diego: What? You are? Oh no, baby - you can come stay with me?

Klaus: *looks up from Disney Princess coloring book and raises an eyebrow* Is your bed available?

Diego, blushing: Ye-yeah, b-ba-baby. Whe-whenever you-u w-want.

Klaus: *smiles*

Klaus: *takes Diego’s hand*

Klaus: Okay.

Diego: *dies a little bit inside (in a good way)*

#43: It’s Just You.

Diego: Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Klaus, blushing: I -

Five: DIEGO. THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE. NOW IS NOT THE TIME.

#44: ‘Scuse Me, Mate?

Diego: You know, penguins mate for life. Wanna be my penguin?

Klaus: Eh. I’ve always been more of an iguana man.

Diego:

Diego: What?

#45: You Look Like… Antonio Banderas With The Long Hair.

Diego: How’s the most beautiful person in the world doing today?

Klaus: *buried in a Vogue magazine* I don’t know I’m not Antonio Banderas.

#46: What The Fuck Klaus

Diego: Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.

Klaus: *hands him a Candyland board* Here. I stole it from Pogo.

#47: You Dumbass

Diego: I hate my last name. Can I borrow yours?

Klaus:

Klaus: We have the same last name, Diego.

Diego: *blinks*

Diego: Fuck you’re right -

#48: Okay But Diego Would Make A Great Aladdin Though

Diego: I’m not a genie, but I can still make your dreams come true.

Klaus: *wrinkles his nose*

Klaus: You can get me a pink elephant with jaundice?

Diego: *blinks*

Diego: What the fuck Klaus -

#49: HELLO

Diego: Is that a knife or are you just happy to see me?

Klaus: I don’t just have random knives on me Diego, I’m not you.

Diego: So you are happy to see me?

Klaus: I mean you just interrupted a very riveting episode of Sesame Street, so… we’ll see.

#50: It’s Always Best To Start With The Truth.

Diego: I love you.

Klaus: *beams* That’s all you had to say, darling.

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hlupdate · 4 years ago

Link

Variety’s Grammy-nominated Hitmaker of the Year goes deep on the music industry, the great pause and finding his own muses.

“We’ll dance again,” Harry Styles coos, the Los Angeles sunshine peeking through his pandemic-shaggy hair just so. The singer, songwriter and actor — beloved and critically acclaimed thanks to his life-affirming year-old album, “Fine Line” — is lamenting that his Variety Hitmaker of the Year cover conversation has to be conducted over Zoom rather than in person. Even via videoconference, the Brit is effortlessly charming, as anyone who’s come within earshot of him would attest, but it quickly becomes clear that beneath that genial smile is a well-honed media strategy.

To wit: In an interview that appears a few days later announcing his investment in a new arena in his native Manchester (more on that in a bit), he repeats the refrain — “There will be a time we dance again”— referencing a much-needed return to live music and the promise of some 4,000 jobs for residents.

None of which is to suggest that Styles, 26, phones it in for interviews. Quite the opposite: He does very few, conceivably to give more of himself and not cheapen what is out there and also to use the publicity opportunity to indulge his other interests, like fashion. (Last month Styles became the first male to grace the cover of Vogue solo.) Still, it stings a little that a waltz with the former One Direction member may not come to pass on this album cycle — curse you, coronavirus.

Styles’ isolation has coincided with his maturation as an artist, a thespian and a person. With “Fine Line,” he’s proved himself a skilled lyricist with a tremendous ear for harmony and melody. In preparing for his role in Olivia Wilde’s period thriller “Don’t Worry Darling,” which is shooting outside Palm Springs, he found an outlet for expression in interpreting words on a page. And for the first time, he’s using his megaphone to speak out about social justice — inspired by the outpouring of support for Black people around the world following the death of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police in May.

Styles has spent much of the past nine months at home in London, where life has slowed considerably. The time has allowed him to ponder such heady issues as his purpose on the earth. “It’s been a pause that I don’t know if I would have otherwise taken,” says Styles. “I think it’s been pretty good for me to have a kind of stop, to look and think about what it actually means to be an artist, what it means to do what we do and why we do it. I lean into moments like this — moments of uncertainty.”

In truth, while Styles has largely been keeping a low profile — his Love On Tour, due to kick off on April 15, was postponed in late March and is now scheduled to launch in February 2021 (whether it actually will remains to be seen) — his music has not. This is especially true in the U.S., where he’s notched two hit singles, “Adore You,” the second-most-played song at radio in 2020, and “Watermelon Sugar” (No. 22 on Variety’s year-end Hitmakers chart), with a third, “Golden,” already cresting the top 20 on the pop format. The massive cross-platform success of these songs means Styles has finally and decisively broken into the American market, maneuvering its web of gatekeepers to accumulate 6.2 million consumption units and rising.

Why do these particular songs resonate in 2020? Styles doesn’t have the faintest idea. While he acknowledges a “nursery rhyme” feel to “Watermelon Sugar” with its earwormy loop of a chorus, that’s about as much insight as he can offer. His longtime collaborator and friend Tom Hull, also known as the producer Kid Harpoon, offers this take: “There’s a lot of amazing things about that song, but what really stands out is the lyric. It’s not trying to hide or be clever. The simplicity of watermelon … there’s such a joy in it, [which] is a massive part of that song’s success.” Also, his kids love it. “I’ve never had a song connect with children in this way,” says Hull, whose credits include tunes by Shawn Mendes, Florence and the Machine and Calvin Harris. “I get sent videos all the time from friends of their kids singing. I have a 3-year-old and an 8-year-old, and they listen to it.”

Styles is quick to note that he doesn’t chase pop appeal when crafting songs. In fact, the times when he pondered or approved a purposeful tweak, like on his self-titled 2017 debut, still gnaw at him. “I love that album so much because it represents such a time in my life, but when I listen to it — sonically and lyrically, especially — I can hear places where I was playing it safe,” he says. “I was scared to get it wrong.”

Contemporary effects and on-trend beats hardly factor into Styles’ decision-making. He likes to focus on feelings — his own and his followers’ — and see himself on the other side of the velvet rope, an important distinction in his view. “People within [the industry] feel like they operate on a higher level of listening, and I like to make music from the point of being a fan of music,” Styles says. “Fans are the best A&R.”

This from someone who’s had free rein to pursue every musical whim, and hand in the album of his dreams in the form of “Fine Line.” Chart success makes it all the sweeter, but Styles insists that writing “for the right reasons” supersedes any commercial considerations. “There’s no part that feels, eh, icky — like it was made in the lab,” he says.

Styles has experience in this realm. As a graduate of the U.K. competition series “The X Factor,” where he and four other auditionees — Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne and Louis Tomlinson — were singled out by show creator and star judge Simon Cowell to conjoin as One Direction, he’s seen how the prefab pop machine works up close. The One Direction oeuvre, which counts some 42 million albums sold worldwide, includes songs written with such established hitmakers as Ryan Tedder, Savan Kotecha and Teddy Geiger. Being a studious, insatiable observer, Styles took it all in.

“I learned so much,” he says of the experience. “When we were in the band, I used to try and write with as many different people as I could. I wanted to practice — and I wrote a lot of bad shit.”

His bandmates also benefited from the pop star boot camp. The proof is in the relatively seamless solo transitions of at least three of its members — Payne, Malik and Horan in addition to Styles — each of whom has landed hit singles on charts in the U.K., the U.S. and beyond.

This departs from the typical trajectories of boy bands including New Kids on the Block and ’N Sync, which have all pro ered a star frontman. The thinking for decades was that a record company would be lucky to have one breakout solo career among the bunch.

Styles has plainly thought about this.

“When you look at the history of people coming out of bands and starting solo careers, they feel this need to apologize for being in the band. ‘Don’t worry, everyone, that wasn’t me! Now I get to do what I really want to do.’ But we loved being in the band,” he says. “I think there’s a wont to pit people against each other. And I think it’s never been about that for us. It’s about a next step in evolution. The fact that we’ve all achieved different things outside of the band says a lot about how hard we worked in it.”

Indeed, during the five-ish years that One Direction existed, Styles’ schedule involved the sort of nonstop international jet-setting that few get to see in a lifetime, never mind their teenage years. Between 2011 and 2015, One Direction’s tours pulled in north of $631 million in gross ticket sales, according to concert trade Pollstar, and the band was selling out stadiums worldwide by the time it entered its extended hiatus. Styles, too, had built up to playing arenas as a solo artist, engaging audiences with his colorful stage wear and banter and left-of-center choices for opening acts (a pre-Grammy-haul Kacey Musgraves in 2018; indie darlings King Princess and Jenny Lewis for his rescheduled 2021 run).

Stages of all sizes feel like home to Styles. He grew up in a suburb of Manchester, ground zero for some of the biggest British acts of the 1980s and ’90s, including Joy Division, New Order, the Smiths and Oasis, the latter of which broke the same year Styles was born. His parents were also music lovers. Styles’ father fed him a balanced diet of the Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, the Rolling Stones and Queen, while Mum was a fan of Shania Twain, Norah Jones and Savage Garden. “They’re all great melody writers,” says Styles of the acts’ musical throughline.

Stevie Nicks, who in the past has described “Fine Line” as Styles’ “Rumours,” referencing the Fleetwood Mac 1977 classic, sees him as a kindred spirit. “Harry writes and sings his songs about real experiences that seemingly happened yesterday,” she tells Variety. “He taps into real life. He doesn’t make up stories. He tells the truth, and that is what I do. ‘Fine Line’ has been my favorite record since it came out. It is his ‘Rumours.’ I told him that in a note on December 13, 2019 before he went on stage to play the ‘Fine Line’ album at the Forum. We cried. He sang those songs like he had sung them a thousand times. That’s a great songwriter and a great performer.”

“Harry’s playing and writing is instinctual,” adds Jonathan Wilson, a friend and peer who’s advised Styles on backing and session musicians. “He understands history and where to take the torch. You can see the thread of great British performers — from Bolan to Bowie — in his music.”

Also shaping his musical DNA was Manchester itself, the site of a 23,500-seat arena, dubbed Co-op Live, for which Styles is an investor and adviser. Oak View Group, a company specializing in live entertainment and global sports that was founded by Tim Leiweke and Irving Azoff in 2015 (Jeffrey Azoff, Irving’s son, represents Styles at Full Stop Management), is leading the effort to construct the venue. The project gained planning approval in September and is set to open in 2023, with its arrival representing a £350 million ($455 million) investment in the city. (Worth noting: Manchester is already home to an arena — the site of a 2017 bombing outside an Ariana Grande concert — and a football stadium, where One Love Manchester, an all-star benefit show to raise money for victims of the terrorist attack, took place.)

“I went to my first shows in Manchester,” Styles says of concerts paid for with money earned delivering newspapers for a supermarket called the Co-op. “My friends and I would go in on weekends. There’s so many amazing small venues, and music is such a massive part of the city. I think Manchester deserves it. It feels like a full-circle, coming-home thing to be doing this and to be able to give any kind of input. I’m incredibly proud. Hopefully they’ll let me play there at some point.”

Though Styles has owned properties in Los Angeles, his base for the foreseeable future is London. “I feel like my relationship with L.A. has changed a lot,” he explains. “I’ve kind of accepted that I don’t have to live here anymore; for a while I felt like I was supposed to. Like it meant things were going well. This happened, then you move to L.A.! But I don’t really want to.”

Is it any wonder? Between COVID and the turmoil in the U.S. spurred by the presidential election, Styles, like some 79 million American voters, is recovering from sticker shock over the bill of goods sold to them by the concept of democracy. “In general, as people, there’s a lack of empathy,” he observes. “We found this place that’s so divisive. We just don’t listen to each other anymore. And that’s quite scary.”

That belief prompted Styles to speak out publicly in the wake of George Floyd’s death. As protests in support of Black Lives Matter took to streets all over the world, for Styles, it triggered a period of introspection, as marked by an Instagram message (liked by 2.7 million users and counting) in which he declared: “I do things every day without fear, because I am privileged, and I am privileged every day because I am white. … Being not racist is not enough, we must be anti racist. Social change is enacted when a society mobilizes. I stand in solidarity with all of those protesting. I’m donating to help post bail for arrested organizers. Look inwards, educate yourself and others. LISTEN, READ, SHARE, DONATE and VOTE. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. BLACK LIVES MATTER.”

“Talking about race can be really uncomfortable for everyone,” Styles elaborates. “I had a realization that my own comfort in the conversation has nothing to do with the problem — like that’s not enough of a reason to not have a conversation. Looking back, I don’t think I’ve been outspoken enough in the past. Using that feeling has pushed me forward to being open and ready to learn. … How can I ensure from my side that in 20 years, the right things are still being done and the right people are getting the right opportunities? That it’s not a passing thing?”

His own record company — and corporate parent Sony Music Group, whose chairman, Rob Stringer, signed Styles in 2016 — has been grappling with these same questions as the industry has faced its own reckoning with race. At issue: inequality among the upper ranks (an oft-cited statistic: popular music is 80% Black, but the music business is 80% white); contracts rooted in a decades-old system that many say is set up to take advantage of artists, Black artists more unfairly than white; and the call for a return of master rights, an ownership model that is at the core of the business.

Styles acknowledges the fundamental imbalance in how a major label deal is structured — the record company takes on the financial risk while the artist is made to recoup money spent on the project before the act is considered profitable and earning royalties (typically at a 15% to 18% rate for the artist, while the label keeps and disburses the rest). “Historically, I can’t think of any industry that’s benefited more off of Black culture than music,” he says. “There are discussions that need to happen about this long history of not being paid fairly. It’s a time for listening, and hopefully, people will come out humbled, educated and willing to learn and change.”

By all accounts, Styles is a voracious reader, a movie lover and an aesthete. He stays in shape by adhering to a strict daily exercise routine. “I tried to keep up but didn’t last more than two weeks,” says Hull, Styles’ producer, with a laugh. “The discipline is terrifying.”

Of course, with the fashion world beckoning — Styles recently appeared in a film series for Gucci’s new collection that was co-directed by the fashion house’s creative director, Alessandro Michele, and Oscar winner Gus Van Sant — and a movie that’s set in the 1950s, maintaining that physique is part of the job. And he’s no stranger to visual continuity after appearing in Christopher Nolan’s epic “Dunkirk” and having to return to set for reshoots; his hair, which needed to be cut back to its circa 1940 form, is a constant topic of conversation among fans. This time, it’s the ink that poses a challenge. By Styles’ tally, he’s up to 60 tattoos, which require an hour in the makeup chair to cover up. “It’s the only time I really regret getting tattooed,” he says.

He shows no regret, however, when it comes to stylistic choices overall, and takes pride in his gender-agnostic portfolio, which includes wearing a Gucci dress on that Vogue cover— an image that incited conservative pundit Candace Owens to plead publicly to “bring back manly men.” In Styles’ view: “To not wear [something] because it’s females’ clothing, you shut out a whole world of great clothes. And I think what’s exciting about right now is you can wear what you like. It doesn’t have to be X or Y. Those lines are becoming more and more blurred.”

But acclaim, if you can believe it, is not top of mind for Styles. As far as the Grammys are concerned, Styles shrugs, “It’s never why I do anything.” His team and longtime label, however, had their hearts set on a showing at the Jan. 31 ceremony. Their investment in Styles has been substantial — not just monetarily but in carefully crafting his career in the wake of such icons as David Bowie, who released his final albums with the label. Hope at the company and in many fans’ hearts that Styles would receive an album of the year nomination did not come to pass. However, he was recognized in three categories, including best pop vocal album.

“It’s always nice to know that people like what you’re doing, but ultimately — and especially working in a subjective field — I don’t put too much weight on that stuff,” Styles says. “I think it’s important when making any kind of art to remove the ego from it.” Citing the painter Matisse, he adds: “It’s about the work that you do when you’re not expecting any applause.”

#harry styles #variety #021220

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ruinenekami · 3 years ago

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I posted 1.452 times in 2021

89 posts created (6%)

1363 posts reblogged (94%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 15.3 posts.

I added 964 tags in 2021

#winx club - 331 posts

#aesthetic - 118 posts

#umineko - 74 posts

#w.i.t.c.h. - 72 posts

#precure - 71 posts

#hetalia - 66 posts

#gif - 66 posts

#aph - 62 posts

#madoka magica - 61 posts

#sailor moon - 43 posts

Longest Tag: 114 characters

#sheets;blanket;comforter;two main pillows;three deco pillows with two plushies;pillow for clothes;giant teddy bear

My Top Posts in 2021

And not only in a platonic way.

20 notes • Posted 2021-08-27 19:08:30 GMT

Winx Club Childhood Headcanons: Bloom

While I am still working on my future AU, I decided to spice up the Winx childhoods with some tidbits. First up: Bloom

💫Before Daphne sent Bloom to Earth, she has put two spells on her. The first one was an easy one, it allowed people who might find her know her true name. Daphne believed that one day she might be able to return to her home planet so this spell would help her when she finds inscriptions of her name.

The second one was much more difficult to do. It was a somewhat sentient conglomeration of magic that would protect Bloom pretth much till she dies or she acrivates her Winx. At this point in time, it protected her three times. The first one was when Mike found her. The second one was when she was being annoyed by a kid in preschool. It made Bloom look like a dragon for a second and scared the kid off. The third one was during the Knut fight in the first episode.

💫She was four months old when she was sent to Earth, which means she could at least experience a bit of Domino life during that time.

💫One significant thing were Marions stories. If the parent has enough magical experience, they can mentally project the story into the kid's brain and help them with memorisation. That's why Bloom even got the fascination with fairies as Marion described the Domino fairies in a lot of detail.

💫Bloom didn't live with her adoptive parents right away. At first she was sent to a child center for lost or abandoned kids bc they were trying to find her parents. Another thing was that Mike and Vanessa didn't think they would do a good job raising a child. They were married for two years at that point and Vanessa just opened up her flower shop a few weeks prior to finding Bloom. They were still looking out for her as they visited her every weekend. After a year and a half, they finally decided to adopt her as the search was unsuccesful.

💫She got interestes in art after she won in a school art competition at the age of 10. Vanessa encouraged her to submit her highly detailed drawing of a castle.

💫Sports were one of the things the family did regularly. From biking to swimming, they were very active whenever they could. This made Bloom the second most athletic Winx after Aisha.

💫Bloom and Mitzi used to be BFFs. Mitzi transfered to Blooms school and the classmates mocked her as she was "just a spoiled rich girl" which was not true at the time. Bloom befriended her as both weren't that liked by the other kids for being different (Bloom was quite a wild kid back then). But after starting middle school, Mitzi found other friends (which were also the popular kids) while they driftee more apart. Bloom still tried to be her friend, but Mitzi rarely paid attention to her. One rare occasion was when she broke up with Andy when they were both 15. After founding the Winx Club, she realized what true friend were really and wanted to "get revenge" on Mitzi in the Hallowinx episode.

21 notes • Posted 2021-09-05 17:46:14 GMT

Getting into the community side of the W.I.T.C.H fandom, I already expected to find some Phobos and/or Cedric tumblr sexyman vibes. But I didn't know how WIDESPREAD that was. 😂

28 notes • Posted 2021-11-07 21:38:05 GMT

Fave Guardian this, fave sexy villian that.

But who is your fave W.I.T.C.H. mom if you are brave enough to share?

31 notes • Posted 2021-11-24 08:26:08 GMT

Facebook HQ rn

34 notes • Posted 2021-10-04 20:56:42 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #my tastes changed drastically #winx club #w.i.t.c.h.#precure

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hldailyupdate · 4 years ago

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This Charming Man: Why We’re Wild About Harry Styles

Variety’s Grammy-nominated Hitmaker of the Year goes deep on the music industry, the great pause and finding his own muses.

Styles has plainly thought about this.

Harry for Variety. (2 December 2020)

#harry styles #harry update #article #variety #hldaily #December 2020

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reavenedges-lies · 4 years ago

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Full Article Below The Cut

Which players should the Penguins protect? Three Post-Gazette staffers play GM

MATT VENSEL

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

[email protected]

JUL 15, 2021 5:18 AM

Ron Hextall has been mum about which Penguins he plans to protect in next Wednesday’s expansion draft. We have educated guesses but won’t officially find out until the weekend, after teams must formally submit their protected lists to the new Seattle Kraken and the rest of the league.

In the meantime, we decided we would steal Hextall’s comfy GM chair for a moment, kick back our feet, swivel around a little bit and share which players we would protect if Mario Lemieux was crazy enough to let us run the team.

Who’s we? Post-Gazette beat reporters Matt Vensel and Mike DeFabo and columnist Ron Cook, game-day regulars over at PPG Paints Arena.

We also projected which guy the Kraken would grab in each scenario.

All three over us opted to protect seven forwards, three defensemen and a goalie instead of eight overall skaters and a goalie. And while we all agreed on most of the players we would keep, there were a few differences. So we explained the rationale behind our personal protected lists.

Finally, these protected lists are somewhat based on the personal preferences of each of us. But there is some actual intel buried in here. So enjoy, let us know which of us is the smartest and feel free to share your lists, too.

Matt Vensel, Penguins beat reporter:

FORWARDS: Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Jake Guentzel, Bryan Rust, Brandon Tanev, Teddy Blueger and Kasperi Kapanen

The first four guys are no-brainers. Tanev and Blueger are quick calls for me, too. Tanev is a guy who can provide a spark on a random Tuesday in January and help you win playoff games in May. He is also integral to the team’s off-ice chemistry. Blueger has become an effective shutdown center and added 22 points in 43 games last season. The final forward spot comes down to Kapanen and Jeff Carter. Carter is the more useful player to Pittsburgh for 2021-22, especially with Malkin out indefinitely. But I’ll gamble that Seattle passes on the 36-year-old and I will instead keep Kapanen, an imperfect middle-six winger but a tradable asset.

DEFENSEMEN: Kris Letang, Brian Dumoulin and Cody Ceci

Letang and Dumoulin are the easy ones. And young blue-liners John Marino and Pierre-Olivier Joseph are exempt, so need to worry about protecting them. No one else is a priority. Mike Matheson had a nice first season here and fellow lefty Marcus Pettersson is well-rounded with perhaps a little more room to grow. Unfortunately, both have pricey, long-term deals that eat up too much cap room relative to their level of performance. Ceci is an unrestricted free agent but he is someone whom the Penguins should and will consider resigning. I’ll keep his rights, which could maybe be traded for a future asset if we can’t afford him.

GOALIE: Tristan Jarry

Protecting Jarry is not endorsing him as my No. 1 entering 2021-22. I just don’t want to be caught without a goalie when the record screeches on the offseason game of musical chairs. I still hope to bring in a veteran with some semblance of a playoff pedigree to push or potentially outright replace Jarry on the roster.

SEATTLE SELECTS…

Jared McCann. I crossed my fingers that Kraken GM Ron Francis would take one of these bigger cap hits off our books. But they pass on Matheson, Pettersson and winger Jason Zucker and roll the dice on McCann. The former first-rounder has speed, a wicked wrister, versatility and a reasonable $2.9 million salary. The Kraken hope that the 25-year-old finally puts it all together on his fourth NHL team.

Mike DeFabo, Penguins beat reporter:

FORWARDS: Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Jake Guentzel, Bryan Rust, Brandon Tanev, Kasperi Kapanen and Jeff Carter.

The Penguins might be willing to play a game of chicken with Seattle and assume the Kraken will not select a 36-year-old who has just one year remaining on his contract. In fact, I’d expect them to take this bet and leave Carter exposed. But if I’m playing GM? That’s too big of a gamble now that we know Evgeni Malkin underwent significant offseason knee surgery that will force him to miss the beginning of the season. Who knows when Malkin will actually return? Who knows how effective he’ll be at 35 with a wonky wheel and a disrupted offseason program? The Penguins need a reliable insurance policy. Carter is exactly that. Carter fit in seamlessly in the dressing room after he was acquired at the deadline and made his presence felt on the ice, too, scoring 13 goals in 20 games, including playoffs.

DEFENSEMEN: Kris Letang, Brian Dumoulin and Mike Matheson

There’s an argument to be made that the Penguins should leave both Pettersson and Matheson exposed and try to entice Seattle to take one of those long, expensive contracts off their hands. However, the way the Penguins’ speed-oriented system highlighted Matheson’s strengths makes him a player that I wouldn’t want to lose for nothing.

GOALIE: Tristan Jarry

Jarry’s postseason performance didn’t inspire a lot of confidence. But where will the Penguins be if Seattle selects their No. 1 netminder? I’d still try to add a goalie to challenge Jarry for starting time or possibly even supplant him. But knowing he’s on the roster gives the team more options and a safety net.

SEATTLE SELECTS…

Teddy Blueger. Give the 26-year-old center credit. He’s almost always the last player on the ice at practice, fine-tuning his game as he adds an offensive dimension to what’s already a consistent defensive game. But let’s not make him out to be more than he is. He’s still, more or less, a fourth-line center on a team filled with talented forwards. The Penguins would have a much-easier time replacing a fourth-line center than a second-line center like Carter.

Ron Cook, Post-Gazette columnist:

FORWARDS: Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Jake Guentzel, Bryan Rust, Kasperi Kapanen, Brandon Tanev and Teddy Blueger

Only the final spot was difficult for me: Blueger or Jared McCann. I’m gambling the Kraken won’t take Jeff Carter at his advanced age even though he would be a perfect leader on a young team. It would be nice if Seattle would take Jason Zucker and his inflated salary off the Penguins’ hands, but that isn’t going to happen. I went with Blueger over McCann because he is more qualified as a center.

DEFENSEMEN: Kris Letang, Brian Dumoulin and Mike Matheson

The Penguins don’t have to worry about losing much on the blue line. Matheson and Marcus Pettersson are more than expendable because of their high salaries, but the Kraken won’t be interested in either player. It’s good that John Marino is exempt from this draft. I see him coming back next season and having a good year. Getting bigger and tougher on defense should be Ron Hextall’s No. 1 offseason priority. Opponents go virtually untouched in front of the Penguins’ net.

GOALIE: Tristan Jarry.

Penguins management insists it still believes in Jarry despite his playoff flameout. I wasn’t buying any of it until someone I trust in the organization told me that the coaches and players know the truth about Jarry – that he was injured late in the season, didn’t get to practice before the playoff series against the Islanders and lost his edge. I still have my doubts and want to see the team bring in a veteran goaltender to challenge Jarry for playing time. That wouldn’t be good news for Casey DeSmith, who is a solid No. 2 netminder. Who knows? DeSmith might have given the Penguins a better chance against the Islanders if he hadn’t been injured.

SEATTLE SELECTS…

McCann. Sadly. The Penguins won the NHL’s most rugged division last season so you know they are going to lose a good player in the expansion draft. That will be McCann. I will hate to see him go despite the fact he came up small in the postseason the past two years. I see him as a solid NHL player for many years.

First Published July 15, 2021, 5:18am

#pens lb #pittsburgh penguins #Pittsburgh Post-Gazette #2021 offseason #nhl expansion draft

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jodilin65 · 23 years ago

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SUNDAY, JULY 29, 2001 Teddy Bear’s settling in nicely. Getting louder, too. At night she chats for hours at a time, getting louder when she hears me call to her from the next room.

The 14 babies that were born to two mice on the 25th are doing well. I can’t believe The Gray Lady and her babies survived.

Got a 2-hour concert last night. No, it wasn’t the new people introducing themselves to the neighborhood, but a live band somewhere far off towards the east. Could’ve been a house stereo with its speakers pulled outside, since it was a little long to be from a car, but I could hear the thump of the base in here really well.

A lounge in the center of town says: Welcome to the casino, cattle, and cotton capital of Arizona. They forgot something. They left out the “freeloaders.” The filthy fucking freeloaders we’re overrun with. Then again, there are just as many freeloaders, as they call them out here, in Phoenix and other places in Arizona. The whole southwest is infested with them!

When Tom and I talked about other places we may one day move to, I was in quite a dilemma. I want to stay where the weather’s hot and dry, but that’d mean sticking to the southwest and its freeloaders. Going tropical would mean having to deal with humidity. Going up north would mean fewer people and fewer minorities, but then we’d have to deal with the cold and snow. To say that each place has its pros and cons is an understatement! If Teddy Bear does become a regular part of my life, which I’m hoping for, then I may want to stay in Arizona unless she moves.

Tom heard a good joke at work that goes like this: Two lesbians entered a whorehouse. They asked to speak to the madam. When the madam appeared, they told her, “We want two 15-year-olds.”

The madam then said, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors to lickers.”

THURSDAY, JULY 26, 2001 Three days in a row of being out and having appointments was starting to drive me crazy! I was beginning to feel like I’d feel in jail - smothered by too many people and too little space.

Helen says I’m making great progress with the anger and doing better each time she sees me. You’d think, as I told her, that I should be fuming every minute of every day after what these freeloaders put me through, but I guess that all the good I got out of it is what keeps me from doing that. Besides, I spent so much time fuming, that I’m nearly all fumed out. There’s hardly any left in me, but don’t be fooled. If I could legally find, kidnap and torture that bitch and her boy toy, I wouldn’t hesitate. She’d stay with me as her master for 6 months, the very same amount of time I was held hostage before I let her go, and believe me, nothing good would come of it for her. She’d be leaving scarred and traumatized beyond help.

When Scot stopped by yesterday at noon, he was much more relaxed. He was in and out real fast, never going in any of the enclosed rooms, and not even asking me all of the usual questions that are part of a script they follow. They usually ask if there are any changes, any police contact, or any problems with drugs/alcohol, but he only asked me if there were any changes.

He gave me a good suggestion which I called and left a message for Helen about. He suggested having her give me a note to take to the mental health screening. Hopefully, this will keep them from bugging me for another appointment, if they see I’m already working with someone.

He asked me if I had any idea how long I’d need to see Helen, but I have no idea. Technically, I don’t need to see her ever again. I think she’s already offered any help she could possibly offer me. Especially by enlightening me with the possibility that Tom wasn’t deliberately holding back, but I still sense deep down there was a fear of making a kid. Not so much because he didn’t want to have to deal with it, but because he doubted my ability to deal with it, even though he said he felt I could handle it.

I think I’ll see her a few more times, then we’ll be done. It’ll save us money, too.

It was kind of funny because we got to talking for an hour and a half. A half-hour into the next lady’s appointment. I told Helen to be glad it wasn’t me waiting on her like that, or else I’d be as pissed as I was the day I first met her!

After Helen’s, we went to the pet store. We can’t afford the cage yet, thanks to the freeloaders, but we did get a couple of wooden burrows for the mice, some food, and a new guinea pig! Yeah, I kind of miss having them around even though they’re not very playful. They don’t do anything. They just sit there, but they’re so cuddly, unlike rats who just want to run around and play, and they sure make neat sounds, although this one hasn’t squealed yet. For the first few days, guinea pigs lay low. It’s a female pig that costs $16. She’s black with one white paw and a white stripe on one side that looks painted on. She’s still velvety soft because she’s not fully grown. She has a regular GP nose and not a pug nose like Velvet had. She’s pretty timid so far. Especially compared to a rat. Rats, though, are still my number one. They’ll always be my favorite.

I deleted the mice, except for Gizzy the house mouse, from my pet chart. I decided not to bother keeping mouse records, other than in this journal. Speaking of which, I got a good look at the babies today, who are just sprouting their fur. I see Skunkhead in them. Instead of having mostly solids, I’ve got mostly markings in this case. I’ll get a better look at them tomorrow when I go to clean their cages.

Saw the ear specialist yesterday and was there for two fucking hours! Specialists are terrible in that way. First we saw the doctor, who’s kind of old. Like in his 60s. He’s an ugly geek, too. He cleaned the canal out which was totally loaded with dead skin. There were huge chunks of it he pulled out. He said he wants to see me every 6 months. Then he had a mold made for that ear to keep water out when showering or swimming, but of course, I’ll never wear the damn thing. It was made out of silicone rubber. I also had a hearing test done, too.

Still haven’t heard from Mary. My guess is that she either decided to dump me for some reason, got extradited and lost my address, or someone’s been interfering with our mail. But I don’t know whose mail is being intercepted if that’s the case. My mail to her? Hers to me? Both?

Tom got me a new electronic reader to read my journals when I proofread them. It’s good to hear it as well as see it. This reader is a little more convenient to use than my old one.

He also got me a dictionary with Spanish, German, and Swedish. It’s nice to have that on the computer and to type in the word I want, rather than look it up in a book.

I’ve been having a serious mental block about working out. It’s just so discouraging knowing I can’t lose the fat without starving consistently. Then, even if I could, I’d still have to eat way below the average amount to keep it off, so I’d be very hungry either way. I’d have to work out for hours every day in order to consume 1500-2000 calories a day without gaining whatever weight I lost.

Another reason I’m having trouble bringing myself to work out, though I should settle for gaining muscle even if I can’t lose the fat, is because I fear that someone or something will come and undo all my hard work, forcing me to start all over again.

MONDAY, JULY 23, 2001 It’s Monday. Teddy Bear, are you in M Dorm? Are you, Mary? Hopefully, Tom can stop at the PO tomorrow and hopefully there’ll be a letter from Mary.

The Teddy Bear craze hasn’t worn off a bit. I’m still in love with her and I’m still lusting for her, too. Still got 280 days to go, though, unless she beats me to it or changes her mind. She might also still decide to see me, yet have a girlfriend in tow. I hope not! If it happens, though, it happens.

I can’t believe I have nearly 3 months of journaling that’s under 30 pages!

I finished typing up the jailhouse journal and am now in the proofreading phase.

Went to a dentist today and she was great. Friendly, competent and with the times. The offices were nice and modern. I didn’t realize just how behind the time Dr. Smith and Melanie were till today. Dr. Mohr mentioned something to me that I’d never heard of before. Not even from Mel. For about $400, I can get a permanent retainer! I was so glad to hear this, too. It’s a worthy investment so I don’t have to deal with retainers all my life, which are a pain in the ass. Not compared to braces, but still, I’d rather have a built-in one. I was surprised she said $400 and not $1,000- $2,000. I can start with the bottom, which is more stubborn than the top, which will cost $200, and do payments. So, I don’t have to shell out the whole $400 at once and do both upper and lower teeth. It’s a wire they cement on behind the teeth. That’s my number one priority in the teeth department. My second priority will be having custom-made cups for home fluoride treatments, which can later be used for whitening treatments. That should be around $100 for the cups. The fluoride toothpaste is about $10, and the bleaching job should be around $150 if I do it at home (two treatments). It’s $500 if it’s done at their office (one treatment).

Unlike Smith, the doctor was very blunt and easy to understand. She explained things to me with no hesitation. She’s going to contact our insurance and get a chart of what’s covered, and how much of it, so I’ll know precisely what things cost.

I was surprised to learn that I only have one cavity and one that’s loose! The reason I’ve been having sensitivity in certain areas wasn’t due to cavities, but due to the gums receding a bit (she said something about how braces de-calcimine the teeth). She agrees I was badly short-changed in the enamel department. My enamel’s really soft, so she recommends keeping up with my fluoride treatment and using toothpaste made for sensitive teeth to coat the tiny nerves that are exposed. She said it’s important to be consistent, or else the sensitivity will return.

She’s right about that one! I learned that from being in jail.

She doesn’t recommend getting my teeth whitened till after I get the sensitivity down on my teeth and my enamel toughened up a bit first.

She said my teeth looked gorgeous, and that I’m doing an excellent home-care job. She took a few X-rays, tightened my retainers, scaled the teeth, then polished them. She did a lot of work that Smith would leave to the hygienist. She did the tightening of the retainers and the scaling.

Also, we were the only ones in the waiting room, which has got to be the smallest one I’ve ever seen, with only 3 chairs. They took care of me right away too, once they got me seated, and didn’t leave me there waiting forever.

After leaving the dentist, we stopped at a fast-food drive-thru.

I keep forgetting to mention this, but I’m really surprised that Scot asked me if I was in the tents the first time we met. Didn’t he know I was Ad-Seg? Didn’t he have all my jail information? I ask this because of the way they pass so much information around. I thought he was mailing Helen a paper stating the requirements necessary for doing the mental health screening, not every single thing about my case. He sent her detailed information, right down to every single one of my terms of probation. The only thing he might not have sent was copies of the journal, but maybe he did. I’d think Helen would’ve mentioned that, though.

Saturday, we went to Walgreens where I got a pair of blue tie-dye shorts and glittery lip gloss. We went to Dairy Queen that day, too.

FRIDAY, JULY 20, 2001 Yesterday, Tom worked 2nd shift.

He also went to visit his mom and she gave us $20 for whatever we wanted, so we’ll probably take it to Walgreens this weekend.

I sent out a letter to Mary asking her what was up. I hope I hear from her.

I finally saw a snake on this property. One of those black ones, only this one wasn’t jet black. It came up out of a hole by the bedroom, yawned, then went hunting. I shot some pictures to show Tom when he got in but didn’t save them. They’re not as good as last year’s. I printed out the pictures I took. I’ll send them to Paula. When am I ever going to hear from that girl again?!

I started a 1200-calorie diet at 119 pounds last Sunday. On Monday I was 116, and for the last 3 days, I’ve been 114. It’s such a struggle getting below 115 and staying there. I agree with Tom – I’m not going to make it to 100. I don’t even think I’ll make it to 105, and if I did, how the hell am I going to stay there? I was thinking I’d maintain by having 1400 calories a day, but not at 105 pounds. I’d have to have less than that to maintain a weight that low. I could maintain anything that was 115 or higher on 1400 calories, though.

Anyway, the beginning of my day starts off easy. I’m not even hungry for the first 3-5 hours, but it gets progressively harder throughout my day.

I might go do some bottling now. I still say I’m being a sucker by doing this probation thing. It’s like a beaten woman returning to her abuser. In other words, I’m still letting the freeloaders and the state control me.

TUESDAY, JULY 17, 2001 Tom and I were just out burning some stuff in the rain. It was a very gentle, pleasant rain.

We heard someone at the new house yell out, “Hey,” to someone else over there. Still no idea who they are or how many of them there are. Like 9 out of 10 Arizona households, they might have a dog, but at least it can’t be heard inside the house. Anyway, once the weather cools down and they open their doors/windows to play their music for us, we’ll probably be forced to learn more about them then.

Later…

Tom said that with the way the wind was blowing, he could almost make out what they were saying at the new house. He heard a white girl yell, “Be quiet,” to the dog.

Well if they’d just take their dog inside, they wouldn’t have to listen to it so much, but that’s a no-no in Arizona. So are leashes, and as soon as that dog gets into next door’s chicken coop, they’ll shoot it.

MONDAY, JULY 16, 2001 The freeloaders will be costing us another $60 and probably a lot more than that. God, I hate those mother-fucking freeloaders! Damn them to hell for ruining my life! I could fucking curse their lives one by one for doing this to me all for asking them to shut up! I’m never going to be free of them, never!

Always with me, always with them.

I got the appointment for the mental health screening, which is going to cost $60 since they don’t use our insurance. The mental health screening is just one appointment, but if I need more, and I can guarantee that they’re going to say I do because that’s how they make money, they go by a sliding scale fee which is based on your income. So, knowing firsthand how anyone who’s licensed to prescribe drugs always insists you’re a mental case in need of appointments/drugs, I know I can count on multiple appointments. Again, though, I’ll be damned if they’ll seize control of my body like that.

Other than this fucking shit, the freeloaders had me working for them earlier on the bottles.

I’m almost convinced I had a past life and owned slaves. That’s got to be why God’s hell-bent on pitting these things against me.

I just can’t believe how far this shit’s gone and I doubt I ever will! How could they be so much a part of our lives when we live over an hour apart? They’re a million times more a part of our lives here than they were from just a few feet away! How can I ever purge them from our lives?!

Tom says Scot won’t bring up my “not working” again.

Yes, he will. But like I said, that’s where I put my foot down. That’s where Jodi doesn’t let others rule her and dictate her life to her. That’s where she takes control of her own life and takes a stand for her rights and for what she believes in. That’s where she shows the courts that they just can’t always control people the way they want to.

I still feel self-blame in this, too. I mean, if I had just let them fuck me over and not spoken out about it, this shit wouldn’t be happening. Some other shit would be happening instead, but it wouldn’t include my Teddy Bear.

In non-freeloader-related news, and believe it or not, I do have some, we painted the beam in the bedroom yesterday to hide the off-white paint dots that we did to cover up nail heads.

Tom also saw one of those black snakes while he was out burning yesterday morning. He said it acted as if he wasn’t there, getting within 10 feet of him.

SATURDAY, JULY 14, 2001 In mice news, The Gray Lady’s pregnant again, which means she and the babies will all be dead once they’re born. I know a third pregnancy would kill that old mouse, and if the second batch didn’t make it, why should the third?

In other mice news, we have two mystery deaths we’ve been trying to figure out. I found two male mice dead today. They were both lying on their sides as if they casually died in their sleep. They were healthy and active, so I have no idea what killed them. Was it a dominance fight, or what? There wasn’t any blood, though. Was it a genetic disorder? It wasn’t fumes from the spraying Tom had to do yesterday, or else they’d all be dead. It couldn’t have been anything they ate, cuz again, they’d all be dead.

I’m not going to enter these deaths in the pet log. I only enter mice born or bought at this point cuz there are so many of them. It’s like groups of fish.

He had to spray under the house yesterday because we had an infestation of baby flies. There were thousands of them everywhere! This is just the thing that would happen to us, too.

I couldn’t fall asleep till 4 AM (I might roll my schedule) so Tom was nice enough to pick up bottles for me. That gave him extra room too, because he could use my seat.

It looks like there’s going to be yet more money we’ll have to dole out for the freeloaders. (ten years from now there’ll be something to dole money out for on account of them)! We’re having trouble getting an appointment made for this “mental health screening” the courts were supposed to have done in jail that they never did, so Scot’s going to refer me to a place that they use. I doubt our insurance will cover it.

When Scot was saying he had been “trying” to let us go about it ourselves so our insurance would cover it (like God would let someone else pick up the tab on these freeloaders), I didn’t like his tone. He was bordering on acceptable and being out of line, but for now, I’ve decided to let it go until and if it either happens again or he does something worse.

Fortunately, Tom hasn’t hit me for sex. I’ve had absolutely no desire whatsoever to get it on with him, but I sure do love to fantasize about Teddy Bear! Also, fortunately, we’re on the same wavelength, so I don’t have to feel guilty and like I’m depriving him. He’s not as honest about it as I’ve been, though. He says he’s “just letting me work through my ordeal.” Is he going to say that every time I have an ordeal to work through? I just think he’s saying that to cover for his own lack of desire.

THURSDAY, JULY 12, 2001 The prospect of Tom’s new job isn’t definite yet, but it’s almost a sure thing. Who knows when he’ll begin, though? The ironic thing about it is that it may require him to travel to Vegas on business for a few days here and a few days there. When I realized Teddy Bear and I were going to get together someday, and as more than just friends, I thought to myself – wouldn’t it be nice if he’d go on business trips periodically so I could stay with her? Well, I might! I’ll bet that if I mentioned staying at Mom’s she’d offer to take me if need be or if I wanted since I wouldn’t want to spend too many days out here with no car. It’s just an ironic coincidence that I find myself wishing he’d have some business trips, then we find out he probably will. And right around the time we’re to meet, too. I seem to be getting an awful lot of wishes granted lately. That is, as long as they’re not freeloader-related.

Tomorrow’s freeloader-related task will be reporting to Scot. I don’t know if I like the idea of that being on Friday the 13th, but I don’t have bad vibes at the moment. I wouldn’t go near him if I did, believe me.

Saturday’s freeloader-related task will be dropping off and picking up bottles.

I wish these freeloaders would get out of my life! Out of my time, out of my schedule, out of our wallet!

I have less than a month’s worth of jail to type up, and then I can do the final proofreading.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 11, 2001 My life sure as hell has been more eventful out here than back east, even if some of the events weren’t good. Back east, my residence may’ve changed a lot, but I basically knew the same kinds of people and did the same kinds of things. I hung out with mostly losers, made prank phone calls, and spent a lot of time being lonely and getting out of New England. That was the highlight of my life from 1986-1992.

I think what makes the probation more infuriating than jail, not that being thrown in jail for the freeloaders who badgered me wasn’t infuriating enough, but I’m not getting anything out of this shit. No Rosas, no Teddy Bears, no nothing. And I don’t care if that sounds selfish or not.

August 8th stands out in my mind for some reason. I don’t know if it’s good or bad, though. Maybe that’ll be the day Tom finds out for sure if he’s getting a new job at the bank with a raise. I vibed that he’ll get it and get a 5% raise. That’ll put him at around $16 an hour. Pretty good for Arizona.

We got a fluorescent bulb for the kitchen light that burned out. There are two lights in that big kitchen. One by one as the regular bulbs blow, we’ll replace them with fluorescent bulbs. They’re $11, but they’re supposed to last 5 years.

I’ve been considering a liquid diet. Liquid diets can be easier than diets that consist of food. Eating is like smoking – it’s easier to be all or nothing. But if I lost the weight, then what? That’s the real problem there, not losing weight. I could lose it. The question is – how do I keep it off? My body’s going to naturally want to reset itself at the weight it was meant to be at, that it feels most comfortable at in this day and age. Just like I was stuck at 124 pounds the first time I got fat since being in Arizona, I’m now stuck at 117. That’s better than 124, but I can’t budge below 117 without coming close to starving, then as soon as I eat the usual amount I eat, I jump back up to 117. This is why a part of me is hesitant to lose the weight in the first place, knowing how easy it’d be to slap it right back on.

SATURDAY, JULY 7, 2001 I can’t believe I have under 25 pages of over a month’s worth of journaling. It’s just that I’ve been busy typing the Estrella book. The faster I get those jailhouse journal drafts typed up, the better I’ll feel, even though with my memory, I could write the thing without the drafts. It’s the little details that although I remember most, I wouldn’t want to forget.

Also, I’m blessed enough to not have a whole lot to write about (for now), and knowing that someone may steal these journals, puts a damper on my writing enthusiasm. Instead of going into detail, I’m basically just writing the facts, and that’s it.

The fact is, I had a major mouse mix-up and lost track of who was making it with whom. That’s because a male mouse jumped into the ladies’ cage, and a female mouse just had to go where the boys were! So now, I could have half a dozen pregnant ladies. You know how it is, though - when you don’t plan or try, they breed well.

Saw Scot yesterday, who shocked me by not asking for a piss test. We told him we’d call Helen for more referrals for this stupid, waste-of-time screening they want done (we had no luck with the two names she gave us), that they should’ve done in the first place.

I have about 40 community service hours done. I’ve been picking up bottles every other week so that the other two probationers can have their share. Meanwhile, Tom dropped off bottles and recyclable shit today, even though it wasn’t my week for bottles.

Tom taught me an interesting thing. We went out to decide whether or not we should bomb this evening (we did) based on which direction the storm was headed. All the storm cells we could see didn’t appear to be coming our way. He was holding up his finger, and I was like – what are you doing? He explained to me that if you wet your finger, the side that gets cold tells you which way the wind’s blowing. Neat, huh?

We’re sure now that Dan’s gone. His name’s now off the mailbox, but no new name’s gone up yet. I just know it isn’t Teddy Bear, unfortunately. These people obviously beat her to it, not that she’d necessarily want to live this far out and have such a long drive to the jail (a little over an hour). So far, it appears that God’s blessed us with a few, quiet white people. They hang out back a lot at night when it’s cool, judging by the lights, but I haven’t seen or heard them yet. Knowing that they’re white and judging by the size of that small house, I’d say there are only one or two people living there. They have one vehicle, from what I can see. A dark-colored jeep of some kind. Could even be a Bronco or a Blazer. It’s hard to tell at a distance.

Do I want to meet them?

No. I don’t want to know they exist and I’m not at all curious about them. I don’t want them making their business our business or making their trash our trash. They don’t seem to be slobs like next door does, but next door’s Mexican and we all know that God puts me next to blacks or Mexicans no matter where I go. At least most of their junk is heavy shit that can’t blow into our yard. Most of their land is fenced off, too. Anyway, those who have newer or nicer houses tend to be less trashy than those with dumps.

THURSDAY, JULY 5, 2001 I’m so furious right now! My fury is freeloader-related, of course. Everything I do, I do for them. Freeloaders, freeloaders, freeloaders! Everything is freeloaders this, freeloaders that. For the freeloaders, because of the freeloaders - I have no life of my own! I go to sleep based on the freeloaders, I get up based on the freeloaders, we budget our time and money based on the freeloaders, etc. A good 80% of my life revolves around them! I’m so fucking sick of being forced to be their victim, and I’m so fucking sick of being used and abused by the system that caters to “minorities” at our expense. Minorities, along with the corrupt pigs, lawyers, and judges, fuck us over and then cry racism. Always gotta use racism as a crutch. Well, of course so many people hate them! I’m sick of being this powerless, helpless person, and I’m fucking sick of being thrown back in time, back to being a child again being told what to do! God

We’ve got to band together and take a stand against these people and not cower down to them and let them destroy us. Yet even juries are afraid to rule against blacks because they know they’re such poor losers who’ll go out rioting because they just can’t handle losing and not getting their way.

Tom’s had no luck with the two referrals Helen gave us, and tomorrow, when I report to Scot, and maybe feel like I was molested by having to piss in front of someone, he’s going to lay down the facts for Scot – the court ordered an “immediate” mental health screening, so why didn’t they take care of that while I was in their custody? It isn’t us in violation here, but of course, only the courts and its connections can legally violate.

I’m within inches of saying – fuck it! I will not be victimized another day. I’m taking back my life NOW and I refuse to associate with anyone in connection with the freeloaders!

The question is if I can ever cleanse my life of these freeloaders, whenever I can cleanse my life of them, who’ll be my next perpetrator, and how many years will I be their helpless, powerless victim?

Tom was saying, “Yeah, you got fucked over, but if you never sent the mail this never would’ve happened.”

Maybe not, but it makes me wonder – does anyone ever tell her, “Well, if you and your people had just shut up and left them alone, you’d never have gotten any mail from her.” Has anyone ever asked her if perhaps she might’ve provoked me and, in a sense, asked for what she got? Has anyone ever reminded her that we only wanted not to hear their music? That we weren’t asking for a million dollars or for them to change their lives? Then again, to be considerate of others would be asking them to change their lives.

Another thing that I don’t get is how people can harass people for years, then act all surprised when they finally get a reaction.

What did they expect?

Well, the next batch of freeloaders to harass us won’t get a reaction now that I know the laws protect them and know that they know it, too. That’s obviously where this twisted bitch was going in the first place – to use the law against me and in her favor, being the poor “minority” with a kid. She was trying to do this all along from the get-go cuz she knew she could fuck me over in court, with or without her pig pal.

Let’s not forget the big picture here. At this point, it doesn’t matter whether I’m guilty or not of wrongdoing. What matters is that not only doesn’t the sentence fit the so-called “crime,” but they brought this on themselves. Let’s not forget that they antagonized and provoked me and that if they had just kept their shit to themselves none of this would’ve happened. This never would’ve gone as far as it has if it weren’t for them.

Despite the good that came of it, it not only burns me up to know that I lost 6 months of my life to these freeloaders but also that I worried like hell for half a year over this house. I was so sure we’d lose this house! Better to worry for nothing than to not worry when there really is reason to, but still – 6 months I fretted over this, 6 months!

WEDNESDAY, JULY 4, 2001 Today was a good day, although come tomorrow, it’s back to the usual grind – working for the freeloaders, getting up when the freeloaders say so, going places because of the freeloaders, doing things because of the freeloaders, etc.

I realized that this year I couldn’t be happy that we weren’t stuck being 3’ away from them during this Fourth of July holiday. We may as well be. At least then they didn’t cost us $40 a month. They didn’t cause me to have to scrape labels off of hundreds of bottles. They didn’t steal half a year of my freedom. They didn’t cause me to have to go places, do things, and spend money on account of them. The only thing they caused was for me to be severely annoyed by their noise, and stressed out over the prospect of them making noise when they weren’t. They may’ve made my life hell and really disturbed my peace, but initially, they didn’t own every aspect of me and my life.

Anyway, instead of bitching about shit that can’t be changed and that I’ve bitched about a million times before, I’ll get into today’s events. I got up around noon and we were out the door by 1:00. We went straight to Mary’s.

It was so good to see and hug mom after so long. She was glad to see me, too. They all were, and they treated me just like always. Ma looked better than ever. She was walking without her walker and was hardly shaky at all. She can now crochet and do puzzles. She had about 8 puzzles to give me and I chose 3 of them.

Their house was the neatest I’d ever seen it. It wasn’t nearly as cluttered as it normally is. Mary’s so with the times, though, overall. She doesn’t cook, doesn’t clean, and works.

First we all sat and talked. Dave was his usual goofy self. After chatting for a while, we all hit the pool, except for Mom. There were half a dozen pool noodles and balls that we each threw at each other. Well, Dave and I did most of the throwing. Dave and I are more alike, whereas Tom and Mary are more alike, which meant Tom and Mary preferred to float on noodles, for the most part, and chat, but Dave and I were rowdier. I jumped off the diving board several times.

Before hitting the pool, they gave Tom his birthday presents, and I’d say that if you asked Tom, he’d say this was the best birthday present he ever got. First, he got a check for $44 from Mom that was inside an awesome, sparkly card. Fireworks on a cake that’s so glittery. From Mary and Dave, he got a new computer! One way was better than he said he was going to get as soon as we had a spare $400 which probably wouldn’t have been for 5 years. I’m going to get a CD changer then, as soon as we can get me one!

After we left, we stopped at the grocery store for a few things, then went through a fast-food drive-thru, then home.

TUESDAY, JULY 3, 2001 I found out more about Ida and Mary online.

It looks like Ida’s a regular little klepto and has been in trouble with the law for at least a decade. Shoplifting and burglary were her charges. She must’ve stolen something pretty expensive for it to be a class 4 felony, and if she’s so well off financially, why did she need to steal whatever it is she stole? She’s got cases stemming back to 1991. When she was in with me it was for a violation. It appears there’s a good chance she even did a year and a half in prison. The burglary shocked me. I can’t picture this little old lady having the guts to burglarize anyplace.

This was just a site that gave basic information on cases. Not a news article. I can’t believe they list people’s addresses! And why? Do they want people like Ida and I to be hurt by our enemies, or what? Knowing that the freeloaders know where we live while we don’t know where they live is very unnerving.

Speaking of freeloaders, I went to look for dirty laundry on Joebitch, knowing she’s got to have some somewhere, but all I found was a dead link to the slanderish article the Arizona Republic did that Teddy Bear read. All I read was something about her “5-year ordeal with a hate crime.”

Oh, poor, poor little black bitch. How many years will my ordeal be? How many years will you victimize me?

Fucking mother-fucking sick bitch!!! Aaaarrrrggghhh!!!

As far as Mary goes - if I didn’t know her, I’d say she was a sick and very twisted individual after reading what I read. But I do know her, and I know how the media lies and hypes things up, though most of it was what Mary herself told me.

Her ex abused her son James here in Arizona and they were both to stand trial for that. Then she had Gretchen and they fled to Florida where he killed Gretchen while Mary was at work. Mary panicked, knowing they couldn’t call the authorities and was afraid to leave Justin, so they buried her in a shallow grave before fleeing to Seattle where they both got jobs. That’s when the authorities finally caught up to them. So Mary’s charged with violating by leaving Arizona, with neglect for not getting medical help for Gretchen, though I assume she was already dead by the time she got home, and is testifying against Justin for abusing James.

The fact that I haven’t heard from Mary in a couple of weeks made me wonder if they’d extradited her, but Justin doesn’t stand trial till October. It doesn’t seem likely that they’d move her anytime soon. I don’t know what’s going on, or if someone intercepted my mail to her or hers to me, but I’ll give it another couple of weeks or so before I call the jail and find out if she’s there. I’ll then write to her there if she is, but if not, I’ll write the Florida address she gave me.

Through my binoculars, I saw what appeared to be a fat, middle-aged white guy at Dan’s. I don’t know what to think anymore. Maybe Dan’s renting the new place while being in Indiana throughout the summer, or maybe he sold the place to a relative and that’s why his last name’s still on the box.

We saw quite a cute sight outside. A mother quail with its 7 babies following it. It’s so cute how they follow right along like they do.

I decided to quit dieting and working out. Why build muscle you can barely see? Why diet when diets don’t work? I’m fat and that’s that. If I decide someday I just have to be thin, I’ll lose weight the only real way I can – by starving it off. Then, in order to keep it off, I’ll starve myself like every other day.

MONDAY, JULY 2, 2001 Slept in late. Saturday’s my day to eat all I want and Sunday’s my day to sleep all I want.

I hemmed a pair of pants for Tom and sewed some seams that were tearing in a pair of shorts of mine.

We went out and got blizzards from Dairy Queen in the early evening. This time I got a Reese’s Peanut Butter blizzard.

Mom’s daycare center closed, so we let them know that I would be willing to stay with her at home, full or part-time. I like the idea of looking out for her and working with only one person and one I get along with, but the hours are going to be a nightmare for me. Damn God to hell for making me nocturnal! You don’t know what a bitch it makes life when you’re a night person. Tom would have to take me on the way to work and pick me up afterward. I don’t like the idea of having to get up at 4:00 in the morning, though. That’d be really hard to adapt to. Actually, I’d never adapt to it. You can’t make a day person a night person, nor can you make a night person a day person. It’d always be hard on me. I don’t think they’re going to want me for the job, though, but we’ll see. I have mixed emotions about it. I want to do it for the extra money and because I’m sick of society bashing homemakers, but I wish it could be at night!

Later…

I’ve been totally lacking the energy and motivation to do things lately. I just wish I wasn’t nocturnal and so sleep-needy! I crashed around 4 AM and couldn’t drag myself out of bed till noon, and even then I was still tired. I ended up napping for nearly 4 hours, getting up at 7 PM. I said, “Fuck Scot, fuck the freeloaders!” I need to live my life for me and sleep when I need to. I can’t be stumbling around exhausted all week for these people who own and control my life in ways I never dreamed possible. At least I could sleep when we all lived together, though I did go to sleep stressing out over them.

Anyway, like I said, I lack the drive to do things. The only thing I’ve done consistently is work on my jailhouse book. Of course, I still take care of the animals. The day I lack the energy and motivation to feed them and to change their cages would be the day I’d stop having animals. I mean things like housecleaning, working out, etc. I’m way ahead on the bottle bullshit, but that’s about it. The loss of motivation towards working out is easy to explain, though. Knowing I can’t lose 15-20 pounds is what dampens my desire to work out, and knowing I couldn’t keep it off if I could, doesn’t help, either. I have to try to see it for what its only purpose could ever be – to keep my muscles stronger. Meanwhile, I’ll just never shed the outer layer of fat.

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 4 years ago

Text

Once Bitten, Twice Stupid

Pairing: Klance: Keith Kogane/Lance Mcclain

Summary: Lance has lived a pretty simple life since being turned into a vampire. He’s got his house, his cat, and his two besties that have no idea he’s a vampire thanks to his awesome acting skills... He thought he was happy, that things were fine, that he wasn’t drawing too much attention to himself... and then he met Keith.Big, dumb, hot, emo, stupid Keith. Keith that went and flipped his life upside down, because, seriously, Keith really was a special kind of stupid.Vampire Lance x Vampire Hunter Keith

READ ON AO3

People sucked. People truly, madly, unequivocally, completely and totally sucked. That’s why Lance had brought his farmhouse outside a the tiny speck of a town barely found on most maps. He hadn’t lead a particularly long life, at least not when compared to others suffering from the same condition as he had, yet in his short time, he’d come to hate people. Don’t get him wrong, he didn’t hate everyone. He had two best friends that meant the world to him, Pidge and Hunk. Both paranormal investigators, and both blind to his unusualness. No. What Lance held issue with was the continued hunting of his kind by the Vatican. His “ancestors” may have bathed in blood, and sacrificed virgins, all that kind of hooky-huha that one reads in scary stories, but before he’d been made a vampire, he liked to think he’d been a happy enough well liked kid, and he liked to think that even these days he still carried an air of that charm whenever he was forced from his home.

Garrison was a tiny town 50kms away from Platt City, founded during the Third World War, the city held plenty of ghostly secrets which had drawn both Hunk and Pidge to the area. Boasting a single Main Street, the highlights of the town were limited to tourist traps and three pubs on the Main Street. It was while studying at Platt University that he’d met both his best friends, twenty years his juniors, yet thanks to his unwanted immortality his body had stopped maturing roughly around the age of 18, making it easy to join the crowded university with a few falsified papers. His intention was to refresh his legal skills in order to keep up with the time’s. With the help of his Mami, he’d moved somewhere small and private, to a dead beat town that accepted weirdness as an everyday occurrence thanks to the tourists that came to see the ghosts of soldiers passed. When he’d been a kid, he’d always dreamed of being an astronaut, yet had chosen law to help those less fortunate in some kind of redemption for his condition. Being immortal meant keeping up with the times, though his house retained much of its old “Victorian” charm. Plus, with Platt being so close, it made for an easy drive up there every three weeks to pick up new blood bags. He was in no way a stereotypical vampire other than his need for blood. He wore glasses, because his eyesight was so good his mind couldn’t process everything he was seeing. This came with the unfortunate side effect of being clumsy as hell. He’d come from a Catholic family, meaning he believed in the presence of God. He’d also never drunk from a human, and never taken a human as pet or a lover like some did. When he wasn’t tagging along with Pidge and Hunk to ensure they didn’t accidentally summon something nasty, most of his time was devoted to providing low cost family legal advise.

Perhaps because he hadn’t been born a vampire, he’d retained many of his human ways. Sunlight didn’t turn him to ashes. Garlic gave him pretty bad stomach cramps and indigestion, which could be fobbed off with the excuse of an allergy. Silver gave him hives, again, something that could be passed off as an allergic reaction. He refused to harm animals for blood. He refused to bite another human, despite the fact a bite wouldn’t turn one anyway. They needed to be drinking his blood for that to happen, and after how he’d been turned, there was no way he’d ever do that to a mortal. He showed up in photographs, though his eyes always came out red instead of their usual bright blue. Mirrors weren’t exactly his friend, but not because he couldn’t see himself, instead because he hated seeing himself. They didn’t magically show his “vampire face”, instead they reminded him he’d never grow old. At the ripe age of 44 he looked 18. Even when he turned 100, he’d still look 18. It was thoroughly depressing. Unlike some vampires he didn’t have a coven, or a pack. His house only held him and his cat Blue, who he’d found as a tiny kitten under the steps leading up to the porch. She’s was black, fluffy, and an absolute princess in his eyes. Other than the general upkeep of his house, blood costs and the very occasional splurge on new clothes, most of the money he made went to spoiling his little princess. He wasn’t sure if Blue was part vampire, her teeth had always been sharp, as kitten he’d dug her out by the scruff of the neck, her tiny little teeth were far too cute as they buried themselves into his hand. She’d never acted like she was, but she also preferred to stay inside and had a personality that rivalled some of the most twisted “Queen” vamps he’d met. Then again, everyone knew cats were temperamental arseholes, so maybe Blue was simply being the snobby cow she was born to be.

All in all, Lance had nothing to complain about in his life. He was happy, content, safe in the knowledge no one about to ruin that anytime soon.

Pulling into the parking lot of their usual dive, Sal’s burgers wasn’t the most popular place in town, making it the perfect place to hang out. Located 10kms out of town on the road to Platt City, seemingly an inconvenience the locals, most of Sal’s customers came from tourists needing to stop because their kids needed the toilet. A few of the older locals had dedicated seats at the service bar, and maybe one or twice a week people spiced it up from their usual coffee shops on Main Street, but all in all, the lack of customers is what Lance loved about it. The whole place looked as if the 50’s had left it behind, from its pastel pink exterior to the cheesy green and silver breakfast stools at the c go heck board service bar. From his parking space he could already see Pidge and Hunk waiting for him in their usual booth. Hunk’s head thrown back as he laughed at something, probably at Pidge’s expense.

Cutting the engine, Lance grabbed up his wallet, phone, and gloves. He wasn’t exactly the warmest of people to begin with, but this freezing weather was likely to turn him into an undead popsicle. Already dressed in his favourite khaki jacket, Lance did a quick double check pat down before climbing out his battered blue four wheel drive. She was old, had one too many rust spots and didn’t like starting on days like today, but he’d had her since he’d graduated college the first time around. His Mami was always nagging at him to get rid of her, to use some of his money to buy something better, something that didn’t have roll down windows and a dodgy CD player. His first car was his first real taste of freedom after being turned. They’d been through a lot together, leaving him unable to say goodbye to her. That’d be like cutting him own arm off.

Sal gave him a wave as Lance walked in, the man was a teddy bear under his perpetual 5 o’clock shadow and greasy apron. His policy seemed to be that if someone couldn’t respect him like this, they weren’t worth his respect in return

“Hey’a there, Lance. Pull up a seat and I’ll bring your usual over”

“Thanks, Sal. You’re the best!”

Sal grumbled, Lance pretending he didn’t hear every low word about him. Bringing up that Sal secretly liked him well enough would only leave the old man flustered. For the sake of their “friendship”, he played along with Sal’s mumbling translating into how much of a pain he was. With a bounce in his step, Lance headed over to Pidge and Hunk, throwing himself into the booth as he wrapped his arms around Hunk

“Lance!”

“It’s soooo cold! Warm me up!”

Hunk hugged him back

“I’ve got you, bro! You’re freezing...”

“And you’re late. You were supposed to be here half an hour ago”

Lance sighed dramatically as he rolled his eyes at his favourite tech gremlin

“You know how she gets in cold weather”

“Who? There better not be anything and wrong with my Princess”

“Pidge, you should know by now that when Lance talks like that, he’s talking about his car... right?”

Lance grinned

“Of course I’m talking about my girl. And my Princess is perfectly happy. Blue was curled up under my blankets when I left”

Pidge pouted at him

“You could have brought her with you. I miss my Blue cuddles”

“You could try coming by the house. She was in a mood when I left”

Lance had a backpack carrier for her, but Blue would have frozen her perfect little toe beans out in the weather today. He’d left the heated blanket on a timer for her, unable to keep from spoiling his princess. Pidge’s hand left her laptop keyboard to grab her mug of coffee

“But your house is soooo far away. Anyway, we’re here to talk about work. I was on this forum last night, and someone swore they met a werewolf. Can you imagine? Hunk told me to stop scaring him”

Hunk... Hunk was the biggest ray of sunshine Lance had ever met. The poor man got every single form of motion sickness know, but that never once stopped him. He was terrified of ghost stories, not the best constitution to have when one is a ghost hunter... No, paranormal investigator. He’d been told there was a difference, but honestly it all sounded the same. People loved to think of the unknown, that world existing just out of their everyday mundane lives. Having been in that world for as long as he had been, Lance would happily pay for a boring mundane life

“I wasn’t scared... I’m... cautious”

Pidge clucked at Hunk, Hunk flipping her off. Laughing at him, Pidge wasn’t easily swayed

“You’re a chicken. What about you, Lance? Do you believe in werewolves?”

Werewolves were dicks. He’d bumped into a few over the years, and they’d done nothing to persuade him that they weren’t. The only thing they had going for them was their commitment to their mates and family, other than that, they were testosterone filled morons with claws.

“I don’t know... I feel like they’d all be too stupid to hide their existence”

“Wolves are incredibly smart... Fine, let’s put that one the back burner. Now, about work, there’s a group of tourists that want to come through the old hospital. The visitors centre in town gave me a call about it. Apparently they pay reeeeeeally well”

They’d have to. The old hospital was “cursed”. It’d been converted into a professional centre, but three years after the renovations they closed the building down thanks to the high number of injuries. If there were ghosts there, it was doubtful they’d care to bother with the employees. They all had their own issues. Lance held the opinion it was more a spate of psychosomatic symptoms resulting from the first accident. The building had been handed back over to the town, where it’d sat empty until it reopened as a military museum. With a bored sigh, Lance resigned himself to the fact that Pidge had already gone ahead and decided this was happening. Patting Hunk on the arm, the big man let him go

“When is this all supposed to be happening?”

Pidge’s eyes twinkled with mischief. Lance loved that about her. The top of her head barely came to his chin, but her pint sized stature didn’t stop her. She was always up for a laugh, and frightfully adapt with all things technology based. One of their first conversations came about because Lance had dropped his phone down the stairwell, smashing the screen as it bounced. Seeing her notice pinned up at the campuses cafe, he’d reached out to her with no idea they’d still be besties so many years later. From memory she had an older brother who was as much of a nerd as she was, while her mother and her father both worked in some private sector. He’d met them once over a family dinner Pidge dragged him to, seen them half a dozen times on their front steps as Pidge fled from their parental yelling, and finally been stuck in a very awkward conversation with Pidge’s father, Sam, when he’d found Bae-Bae, the missing family dog who Pidge had brought along on one of their ghost hunts

“Tonight. We’ve got permission to start once the museum shuts for the day. The tour starts at 8, so we’ll go in, set up, have something to eat, then scare the shit out of them at 8”

“You didn’t tell me it’s tonight!”

Poor Hunk. His poor heart had no time to come to terms with this. His worrying only made Pidge smile wider

“Relax, it’ll be fiiiine. Lance is coming with us. He’ll protect you from anything spooky”

“Why do I have to protect you? What are you going to do? Sue the ghosts for giving you the heebie-jeebies? Sorry, that’s not my specialty”

Pidge slid her glasses down to the tip of her nose as she puffed her chest out

“Ha, he, ho, I’m Lance and I have a fancy law degree! Those ghosts better think twice before looking at me”

Lance laughed way too hard, tears leaking out the corners of his eyes, his black frame glasses nearly falling off. Pidge pushing her glasses back into place as Sal brought over Lance’s pancakes and coffee. The man simply placing them down before backing away without a word

“Oh my god, Pidge. That was awful”

“It wasn’t that awful. So, Hunk, you’re in snacks for the night. Lance is in charge of driving, and I’m in charge of the tech. What are we forgetting?”

“That we value our lives and don’t really want to do this?”

Pidge sank lower in her seat, a soft thud coming as Hunk gasped in pain

“What was that for?!”

“Being a chicken”

“I’m not a chicken”

“Are too...”

Picking up his fork, Lance calmly cut in on their fight

“Children, don’t make me seperate the pair of you. Hunk, you’re big, brave, and very manly. Pidge, you’re so fucking short you couldn’t even covertly kick him under the table. If we’re going out, I need to stop by home on the way. Blue needs her wet food for the night, and no, she’s not coming tonight. It’s going to storm as it is”

Crossing her arms, Pidge slumped back in her seat

“You just want to keep my Princess all to yourself. Hunk can leave his car here and we’ll take yours”

“I thought my house was too far away to visit?”

“It’s not when you’re the one driving. Hurry up and finish your pancakes, I wanna go already”

Lance looked down at the forkful he’d been about to load in his mouth, purposely cutting the stack in half to annoy Pidge. Scoffing down Sal’s pancakes was an insult to the man who’d made cigarette ash in pancakes edible. The lack of hygiene may have been another reason why the locals stayed away, but when you’re immortal, standards kind of went out the window

“Laaaaance. Nooo. What are you doing?”

“Enjoying my breakfast. Order another coffee... actually, order some warm milk, I can see you practically vibrating from the amount of caffeine in our bloodstream”

“I’ll have you know that the level of blood in my caffeine stream is just fine. Plus, you’re like the only person in the world who enjoys Sal’s pancakes!”

“Oi! I heard that, Katie Holt!”

Pidge ducked down further in her seat at Sal’s voice. A couple of regulars laughing at her embarrassment, as Pidge blushed

“Now look what you’ve done”

“Not my problem, Pidgeroonie”

“Watch your back, I’m going to get you tonight, then steal away Blue”

Lance shrugged, unfazed by her threat. Tonight would be another lame arse tour under the belt, the most exciting thing they could expect was some jump scare.

#accidentally started a new fic #klance #bottom Lance #mpreg #voltron

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