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deadcactuswalking · 11 months ago

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REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 30/12/2023 (Christmas Garbage)

Content warning: Brief references to murder, racism and unlawful sex acts. Merry Christmas!

Yawn, it’s a Christmas episode. It’s not even Christmas anymore - the tracking week included Christmas Day. “Last Christmas” is #1, of course it is. Skip this one is my personal advice. Christmas Christmas Christmas. REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

So, there are a few new arrivals today, but it’s also a week of mostly just festive music the week after festive music mattered so I’ll have a bit of a different approach, one I’m sure will be made up for with next week’s: Less than a fifth of this week’s chart are non-Christmas songs, I’m going to be mostly in chart nerd form rather than expressing much of my opinion, which is kind of how this series has been moving towards lately? Next episode will be the rush of new and old songs thanks to the end-of-year gains and Christmas collapse, so that will be more of a classic episode when it comes to dishing out intros and opinions on different genres and artists, the usual. For now, well, let’s just run down what we have here. Rounding out the top five are Brenda at #5, Ed and Elton at #4, Mariah at #3 and Sam bloody Ryder still hogging up #2.

Let’s continue with rounding up the Christmas songs. The songs entering the UK Top 75 for the first time this year in this week, but have already entered the top 75 previously, are “Cozy Little Christmas” by Katy Perry at #70, “Mistletoe and Wine” by Cliff Richard at #69, “Please Come Home for Christmas” by the Eagles at #68, “Santa’s Coming for Us” by Sia at #66, “Santa Baby” by Kylie Minogue at #64, “Christmas Wrapping” by the Waitresses at #62 (one of my personal favourites) and “My Only Wish (This Year)” by Britney Spears at a new peak of #59, “Come on Home for Christmas” by George Ezra at #56, “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas” by Perry Como at #54, “Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town” by Bruce Springsteen at another new peak of #47, and “Christmas Tree Farm” by Taylor Swift at #46… and speaking of new peaks, “What Christmas Means to Me” by Stevie Wonder at #76, “Jingle Bells” by Meghan Trainor at #48, “Santa Baby” by Eartha Kitt at #44, “Little Saint Nick” by the Beach Boys at #43, “A Holly Jolly Christmas” by Burl Ives at #40, “The Christmas Song” by Nat King Cole at #34, “Winter Wonderland” by Laufey at #26, “Sleigh Ride” by the Ronettes at #20 and “DJ Play a Christmas Song” by Cher at #18, as well as Jorja Smith’s cover of “Stay Another Day” at #16 and “Let it Snow” (three times) by Dean Martin at #13 and finally, it took a while but “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande reached the top 10 at #8.

I questioned the point in listing the notable dropouts - songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40 - since they’ll all be back next week but hey, if I can list a bunch of Christmas songs by dead people in succession, why not secular songs by those very much still with us? With that said, we bid adieu to that terrible cover of “I Wish it Could be Christmas Everyday” by “Creator Universe”, and then bid a probably temporary farewell to “Stop Giving Me Advice” by Lyrical Lemonade, Jack Harlow and Dave, “You’re Losing Me” (From the Vault) by Taylor Swift, “Surround Sound” by JID featuring 21 Savage and Baby Tate, “Lose Control” by Teddy Swims, “exes” by Tate McRae, “Northern Attitude” by Noah Kahan with Hozier on the duet version, “Runaway” by Ye featuring Pusha T, “Can’t Catch Me Now” and “vampire” by Olivia Rodrigo, “On My Love” by Zara Larsson and David Guetta, “Water” by Tyla, “Strangers” by Kenya Grace, “I Remember Everything” by Zach Bryan featuring Kacey Musgraves, “Cruel Summer” by Taylor Swift and finally, “Sprinter” by Dave and Central Cee. So, yeah, big bloodbath this week but one that involves a revival for the next.

So, time to “review”, isn’t it? We have some new arrivals, most of which are Christmas songs, let’s trodge through them.

NEW ARRIVALS

#74 - “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” - Dean Martin

Produced by Lee Gillette

So, firstly: I’m going to be getting the vast majority of my info from the horse’s mouth, so to speak, the Official Charts Company’s archive: it may sometimes be inaccurate or awkward in its formatting but I know charts well enough to notice when something doesn’t seem right - for the most part - or when it contradicts with Wikipedia or other sources. You can find the vast majority of this info elsewhere, I’m not doing intense research, but hey, it’s good to have a little backstory and that’s what most of this episode will be: stories. We start with a fictional one, that of Rudolph’s.

Now he may be a tradition now but he’s more recent than you think, pitched in 1939 by a retailer in New York known as Robert L. May. He’s a newly-created Christmas character that is a bit of wholesome children’s content with a good message, insanely basic character design and therefore incredibly intuitive marketing strategy. The song came 10 years after the character, and whilst Gene Autry probably recorded the most well-known version, it’s never charted in the UK. In fact, Dean Martin’s version, which debuts this year at #74 - it’s its first week in the top 100 even - is the first version to chart, despite American success of versions by Autry, Bing Crosby and even the Chipmunks and the Temptations, both inspiring 60s vocal groups. This 1959 cover from A Winter Romance, the same album with “Let it Snow” on it, is a completely fine, very cliché Christmas-sounding tune with a weird German accent for Santa’s dialogue. Whilst it may be somewhat surprising the song’s not charted, I do understand. I sang “Rudolph” as a child in assemblies at school, sure, but I’m a much later generation than a lot of the people listening to Christmas music this time of year in this country, and it’s always felt like a specifically American export, especially that stop-motion TV special that may have re-popularised the tune. The only other “Rudolph” song to chart is Chuck Berry’s 1958 classic, “Run Rudolph Run”, which peaked at #36 in 1964 and is currently at #49. When it peaked, “I Want to Hold Your Hand” by The Beatles, another rock-and-roll classic, was #1. Mr. Berry of course would later go on to film women peeing, so maybe someone should make a festive rock and roll remix to “Ignition”.

#72 - “Carol of the Bells” - John Williams

Produced by John Williams

Spotify actually credits more than OCC does here: John Williams is listed here as he’s the only performer listed on the chart itself but on streaming services, the lead artist is actually Mykola Dmytrovych Leontovych, the Ukrainian composer for the song, originally arranged as a very non-Christmas piece “Shchedryk”, which I guess is still about Winter as when translated, one can read lyrics about how a swallow flies into a home promising wealth for the upcoming spring. It’s connected to a folk holiday in Ukraine celebrated on New Year’s Eve known as “Malanka”, somewhat similar to Christmas in its festivities but with a depth of its own traditions unique to eastern Europe, and it wasn’t even the intended holiday of Leontovych’s original composition, first performed in Kyiv in 1916. An American composer, importantly one descending from the Rusyns of modern-day Ukraine, heard the composition, which made its way to New York in the 1920s, and wrote English lyrics relating to Christmas though, interestingly, Peter J. Wilhousky is nowhere to be seen in the artist credits for this version, being relegated to a writing credit on Spotify.

There are many versions of this song but by far the most popular is the rendition by John Williams, an icon in film scoring who arranged the song alongside a children’s choir performance for the 1990 film Home Alone, which has aged pretty well - mostly because it’s practically just slapstick of a kid torturing these two idiots - and has become a Christmas classic, particularly in eastern Europe, where its release lined up pretty nicely with more lenient restrictions on western films, so it became one of the first western family films seen by many children beyond the Iron Curtain just as it fell, which does make the use of Leontovych’s composition come full circle in a way. Personally, I’ve always found this song a tad eerie and intense, but Williams’ version of “Carol of the Bells” is the only one to have charted in the UK, and it first reached the top 100 in 2018. Additionally, the main theme from Home Alone, “Somewhere in My Memory”, spent one week at #69 in 2019. The #1 that week was “Sweet but Psycho” by Ava Max, and John Williams has charted a few times with singles and many, many other times on the albums chart, for his work in film scoring. Last year, the Home Alone soundtrack made its very first appearance there at #100, and this year, probably assisting with the new peak of this song, the actor who played the boy Kevin McCallister, Macaulay Culkin, received a star in the Hollywood Walk of Fame and the film itself was inducted into the Library of US Congress’ National Film Registry.

#71 - “Entrapreneur” - Central Cee

Produced by Chris Rich and Caleb Bryant

Alright, let’s cut the Christmas crap for a second as we do have a new song from Cench charting, and whilst Jeezy has made that awkward pun before, this is still a completely fine, maybe even pretty good, drill track with a very energetic performance from Cench here and despite some very odd mixing that makes the percussion feel stiff and the bass less present than it should be, I still think it hits hard amidst the soaring strings and keys at the back of the mix that is surprisingly dynamic at times, it almost feels like it’s going for a cloud rap vibe but instead of fully submerging the listener, Cench submerges any need for the instrumental by bringing a lot of charisma, some funny lines and a whole lot of triumphant flexing that given the motivation in his voice here and some genuinely likeable lyrics, actually feels pretty deserved. Sure, he sticks to the same flow, but it’s one that works and seems to serve his best interests lyrically as he can fit all of his wordy bars into it, so I’d say this is ultimately a success.

#67 - “Deck the Halls” - Nat King Cole

Produced by Lee Gillette

Another Lee Gillette production in the same week, huh, I guess the guy was the go-to for soulful Christmas tracks. I’m never going to complain about hearing Nat King Cole’s rich voice… except for this song, misspelled as “Deck the Hall” on Spotify, where it feels like everything’s a bit too fast for the guy, I almost feel bad. It’s a very spritzy and string-heavy song that just ends up too chintzy to give Nat King Cole any time. Hell, I’ll be honest - this one sucks, it’s way too busy and barely anyone could pull off this dead-on-arrival fa-la-la-la song anyway unless you’re a cartoon character but I haven’t seen the Animaniacs chart in my lifetime so this is a carol I’ve never preferred. As for this song’s chart history, this is its second week on the chart, and only this version has ever charted to my knowledge, debuting at #84 last year. That’s not to say people haven’t recorded and performed this song that aren’t named Nat King Cole because by God, they have, though not nearly as much as a song we’ll be talking about in a few paragraphs’ time. As for the original composition, it dates back to the traditional Welsh carol “Nos Galan”, which is actually about New Year’s Eve and both its tune and lyrics were written around the 1700s, but English lyrics by Scotsman Thomas Oliphant in 1862 brought us the carol we know today, so this one is a bit more historied than Rudolph, especially with popularising the now universal phrase of “’tis the season”. I don’t even like the slower, original Welsh version of this, it’s just a pestering little song to me. Never done well to my knowledge. Next.

#63 - “This Christmas” - Donny Hathaway

Produced by Ric Powell and Donny Hathaway

This is a pretty weird one because yes, this version of the song has never charted in the UK’s top 100 before. That much is true… but I have reviewed it, and in 2020 in fact, so dig up that old episode, right? Well, maybe not, because the only reason I reviewed it is because a Jess Glynne version charted that year, and it was an Amazon original version, that I ended up comparing to the original, one of my favourite ever Christmas songs, in complete despair and almost disgust. Hathaway has a buttery but unabashedly joyful voice, he came up with that iconic gleeful horn line and that clever, sleek title-drop in the verses, and like I said in 2020, lest we forget the bongos. It’s a detailed, beautiful song that was first released in 1970, with the B-side “Be There”, which is probably why OCC questionably lists this song as “This Christmas Be There”. Said B-side is the other holiday single tacked onto his self-titled album and whilst not as catchy or canonical, it is more of a melodramatic tune with just as many intricacies, it’s really an underrated gem to be honest. It took a while for “This Christmas” to latch on, only really resurging in 1991 when included on a reissued Christmas compilation record. It didn’t chart on the US Billboard Hot 100 until 2020 and has finally made it to the UK’s singles chart in its original form. The malformed Jess Glynne butchering made it to #3 in 2021, and “Last Christmas” was #1 that week too. It briefly returned in 2021 but only peaked at #52 that year and has not appeared again so I’m assuming the UK has come to their senses and made the correct decision about which one to enjoy from this year onward.

#60 - “Jingle Bells” - Frank Sinatra

Produced by Voyle Gilmore

It is a disgrace that Meghan Trainor’s version outcharts Frankie, but there is some solace in knowing Trainor’s version may be like Jess Glynne’s “This Christmas” and end up as a one-year-only success. It’s not like it matters though, “Jingle Bells” may be the most-recorded song in human history, and is definitely at least one of them, even though it was never explicitly about Christmas… though the song was originally titled “This One Horse Open Sleigh” so part of me thinks that James Lord Pierpoint, the song’s writer and Confederate soldier - yikes - had at least Father Christmas in mind when composing the jingle. Pierpoint even wrote music for the losing side in the Civil War and ended up on the opposing side of his father in the Union Army - Jesus, the less we know about the guy who wrote the song, the better, what a loser. Anyway, like 70,000 Goddamn people have dashed through the snow to get to the studio and record this track, so it’s safe to say the song has reached beyond its obscure writer at this point. It’s been broadcast from space, for God’s sake.

Sinatra, or more accurately Gilmore, extends the song with an unnecessary spelling section from a choir, but otherwise the 1948 recording is a lot of fun with a classic, swingin’ performance from Frankie as one would expect, especially when he has some fun with the cadence of the track, even if he doesn’t do it all too much. The song is such a staple that it’s been implemented into other Christmas standards for years, and not just “Jingle Bell Rock”, which I consider so separate to be its own song so I’ll wait for another cover of that next year before I get into that chart history, but also it’s a motif heard in Bing Crosby’s “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Christmas”, the guitar… solo(?) in Nat King Cole’s “The Christmas Song” and even Joni Mitchell’s “River”. As for the original, I mean, it’s been covered by everybody from Herb Alpert to the Beatles to the Barenaked Ladies to Barney the Dinosaur to Eric Clapton to Gladys Knight to Pearl Jam to the Wiggles to CBeebies’ Goddamn Alphablocks but the versions that charted are as follows.

The first version of the original “Jingle Bells” to chart in the modern chart was… a reggae version by Judge Dread, who if you know anything about him, is not exactly a wholesome Christmas artist, and of course, it’s actually a vulgar, laddish version using the melody to talk about having sex on Christmas with some girl. I’ve talked about Judge Dread on this blog before in my special episode from 2021 about songs banned by the BBC, in which I included a lot more of his story. To be completely honest, his version is a lot of fun, especially with how carelessly he delivers it all, and it peaked at #64 for two weeks in 1978, during which “Mary’s Boy Child / Oh My Lord” by Boney M. was #1. It’s currently at #51. In 1981, a novelty version by the Hysterics that lasts for only less than a minute and a half, peaked at #44 for three weeks. Subtitled “(Laughing All the Way)”, it is simply a guy laughing obnoxiously to the tune of the song as a cartoon-sounding pop-rock version plays under him. It is profoundly stupid. “Don’t You Want Me” by the Human League was #1 during these three very cursed weeks in British history. In 2005, whoever the Hell was behind the Crazy Frog mashed up the song with “U Can’t Touch This”, which apparently warrants it a separate Wikipedia page, and it peaked at #5 whilst Nizlopi’s “JCB”, a personal nostalgic song for me, was #1. Another EDM version by Basshunter peaked at #35 in 2008, when Alexandra Burke’s cover of “Hallelujah” was #1. It’s safe to say that both 2000s Eurodance versions of “Jingle Bells” are cheap and ridiculous. Last year, Sam Ryder’s Amazon-exclusive version from an Amazon-exclusive Christmas film charted at #41 - “Last Christmas” was of course at #1 that week - and this week, we see both versions by Meghan Trainor and Frank Sinatra charting. He originally recorded it in 1948 but it only started charting two weeks ago. Oh, and of course, Batman smells and Robin laid an egg.

#58 - “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” - Mariah Carey

Produced by Walter Afanasieff and Mariah Carey

Mr. President, a second - okay, more accurately, third - Mariah Carey Christmas song has hit the canon… and I have no idea why you’d listen to this slightly-oversung, dull 1994 rendition over the Darlene Love original, which has a slightly similar story to “This Christmas” though arguably more organic. It wasn’t a single when added to Phil Spector’s Christmas compilation album - he would later murder a woman, of course - but the track, released in 1963 and featuring Cher on backing vocals, who would later cover the song as a duet with the surprisingly-still-alive (especially if she knew Spector, sheesh) Ms. Love, 60 years later - yes, that’s this year - on her own Christmas album. Sadly, that one didn’t chart but Carey’s instead. Love’s version gained popularity simply because in the late 80s, talk-show host David Letterman just liked the song and continued to invite her year upon year to perform it on his show, which is adorable.

In the UK, the original version didn’t chart until after Bublé’s - sigh - which didn’t last, peaking at #47 for two weeks in 2011 and briefly coming back in the bottom-feeder region in 2015. When it peaked, the #1 was “Cannonball” by Little Mix, and then “Wherever You Are” by the Military Wives and Gareth Malone, that year’s Christmas #1. Love’s version first charted here in 2017, though her other Christmas song, “All Alone on Christmas”, featured on the Home Alone 2 soundtrack - starring a man who I’m pretty sure James Lord Pierpoint would have voted for - peaked at #31 in 1992, during which the #1 was predictably Whitney Houston’s “I Will Always Love You”. “Christmas (Baby Please Come Home)” would eventually peak at #22 in 2018 and is currently charting at #31, whilst Carey’s version reaches a new peak this year after first charting in 2021, and with that, we are done with 2023’s Christmas episodes of REVIEWING THE CHARTS. Also, did you know U2 had a version of this? …Why?

Conclusion

This wasn’t really a conventional episode, was it? I can’t really fairly give Best of the Week out, or the worst for that matter, because these are songs I hold very few notable opinions on and spent most of the time just talking about their origins and their chart success. With that said, screw “Deck the Halls”, thank you for reading and I’ll see you next… year!

#uk singles chart #pop music #song review #christmas music #frank sinatra #mariah carey #dean martin #central cee #nat king cole #donny hathaway

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allmyocsarebritish · 3 months ago

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Feeling is mutual :)

Noone asked for me to do this whole entire thing but I'm bored so I shall :)

Also imma just number them because finding the emojis will take AGEEEES lololol

1) my lockscreen is my pony

2) cheese, it's more versatile in the sense it can be grated, sliced, melted etc yk? Chocolate can too I guess but you can't melt chocolate over your oven chips or jacket potato OR MASHED POTATO OMG THATS BUSSIN (got carried away)

3) literally noone calls me by my full name to the point I forget it is my name so ye

4) mosquito on the wall by the wombats (no surprise there)

5) I do it constantly I'm literally procrastinating writing one now

6)ye

7) not a single one

8)how they react during a disagreement (why am I being so formal what)

9) cookie dough because it tastes way better

10)cat person 100000000000% I'm deathly afraid of dogs

11) earbuds

12) "mum I'm so sick of being a slave to commentary YouTube"

13) weird fact weird fact uhhhh it's already august like what where has this year goneeeee

14) permanently exhausted pigeon

15)my horses shavings with her

16) ye

17) "emo" horse girl

18) jeans absolutely

19) I don't go to Starbucks but I guess just a hot chocolate even though I don't really like them

20) pink. My entire room is pink. My carpet is hot pink. I hate it. I decorated when I was 5 and haven't been able to change it.

21) technically my pony is my most prized possession but if we're talking object it would be my childhood teddy or my red old fashioned radio

22) I've never had either (can't call myself bri'ish having never drank tea ik)

23) woolly mammoth

24) OH FUNNY STORY I was applying for a Tumblr account for well over a year but it wouldn't let me because "oOpS SoMetHinG wEnT wRoNg" till my mate emaily made one for me last September which was called like grackleee or something (a type of noseband for horses) then I got a new phone in November and it wouldn't let me back in so I made this one

25) I can't say id take my horse to a desert island cause that would be cruel I guess I'd take my phone

26) everyone thinks I'm emo but im really not I'd say more like e-girl but also horse girl (it's complicated)

27) professional dressage rider

28) married to alastor (even if swi says that doesn't count)

29) this one real old blue zip hoodie I got from a charity shop with an eDgY shirt underneath, this one black chainy miniskirt and fishnets with massive stompy boots 💯 I wore it to the last non uniform day before we left school

30) most wombat songs

31) dark blonde which fades to faded red then faded black

32) all the time

33) yeeeeeees

34) "you're obviously a good rider that's why I let you ride my horse. I wouldn't let anyone else do what you do"

35) favourite blogs I'd say are all of me mates both online and in person

~ 💖 ASK GAME 💖 ~

📷 What’s set as your phone’s lockscreen?

🍫 Cheese or chocolate?

✨ Do you have any nicknames?

🎵 Last song you listened to?

✏️ Have you ever written fanfiction?

😏 Are you on discord?

💛 Do you have any piercings?

🐰 What do you think says the most about a person?

🍪 If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

🐶 Are you more of a dog person or a cat person?

🎧 Headphones or earbuds?

🌼 What’s the last thing you said out loud?

🙃 What’s a weird fact that you know?

🦉 Are you a morning person or a night owl?

🧸 Favorite place to nap?

🏳️‍🌈 Are you a member of the LGBTQIA+ community?

🦋 Describe yourself in three words.

👖 Jeans or sweatpants?

🥤 What’s your go-to Starbucks order?

🧡 A color you can’t stand?

💎 What’s your most prized possession?

☕ Coffee or tea?

🦖 Favorite extinct animal?

🌙 How long have you been on tumblr?

🌴 Desert island item?

🐸 Describe your aesthetic.

🔮 What’s your dream job?

💙 Relationship status?

🌿 Describe your favorite outfit.

🎤 Is there a song you know all the lyrics to?

🤎 What color is your hair?

💌 Do you talk to yourself?

💄 Do you wear makeup?

🌸 Best compliment you ever received?

💞 @ your favorite blog.

Reblogs are appreciated!

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la-princessaa · 10 months ago

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I'm a grown-ass adult. I'm 26 this year. I have a doctor's appointment in about an hour and a half. I want to bring my new stuffed animal. I'm going to talk about some scary stuff, or, at least, stuff that makes me nervous. Big steps. I will be weighed. I'm really anxious. And my stuffed animal is not palm sized.

Rationally, I know it would be fine, in theory. No matter what I'm going for. I've been to this doctor numerous times. This time just feels especially scary as I'm knee-deep in a bad mental place, and I'm talking about making permanent changes to my body. All I can hear is

"it's kind of funny, like, not in a bad way, but I'm having to explain that a 25 year old is upset that her teddy bear got stolen".

"Do you really need that baby(doll) anymore? You're already 9!"

"(Affectionately but you know they do think you're too old) gimme that baby! You're too old for them!"

And then add in my fear of germs and the like,and you've got a whole, fun cocktail. I want to bring him, he brings me a lot of joy, but also I'm an adult now, right? I don't need him.

#sammy's random posts #I'm tired and everything is scary and it sucks. really bad

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stingray-sins · 3 years ago

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HEADCANON TIME

THOUGHTS BEHIND FRANCESCA'S LITTLE PLUSHIE... Thanking @catboy-pucci and @jojolovenotes for this amazing headcanon that probably is gonna be a canon sooner or later after I write a fanfic about it.

I really like to think that Jotaro is the one who gives gifts disinterestedly or not even as gifts, objects that he thought someone might like and he just give. After the Egypt trip things would be a bit tense for both Jotaro and Francesca. Having experienced so many things in a short period of time is undoubtedly heartbreaking for both of them, but in an attempt to return to being the adolescents they once were and Francesca living in Tokyo, she would ask Jotaro to visit the city, to know, to travel.

In one of the after-school outings is when they find themselves in front of an Arcade, where students go after busy classes to spend money with friends to compete and have fun. Francesca would ask him to come in to see from inside which Jotaro is not much of a fan but he simply accepts without much to argue because he knows that Francesca will not change her mind when she already has something on her hands. That's when they come in to try their luck, the famous SEGA machines are a success in those moments in 1990 and even more for the prizes with won tickets. Francesca does not confess but she has really caught her attention a Sonic plush toy, all cute things on Japan are just bright for her and that Sonic plushie is something she wants to win it at all costs but simply someone else has taken the prize that she so desired.

On the way, Jotaro feels how sad she has been for not winning it but she tries to hide it, mentioning that they can go another day and that it is not necessary. The days go by and on the table in her room he finds a teddy, without a doubt it is not Sonic at all but it has an air and is apparently made by hand, different shades of blue, different face...

Francesca lets out a sweet laugh knowing who was the mastermind behind that handmade stuffed animal, it won't be Sonic but it is even something much better. because it is unique, it has a more beautiful meaning and it's hers. Over time Francesca finds it difficult to admit but she continues to keep that stuffed animal, she actually sleeps with it and although it sounds very immature to say so... that special stuffed animal has been her comfort companion to face the sad and traumatic nights. next to the plushie she feels calm and accompanied. She may be a 26-year-old woman, already independent and with a stable job, but that stuffed animal should never be missing in her bed. never.

#Headcanons.🐠#Thoughts.🐠#Jotacesca.🐠#Francesca castiglier #jotaro kujo #jojo oc #jjba oc #jojo's bizarre adventure oc

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edith-is-a-cat · 9 months ago

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okay so time to number them

have four small scars on my face

the coolest (aka the eyebrow scar) was from this type of toy piano

3. the one on my forehead is from a glass coffee table, specifically from me singing along to the sofia the first intro and went along with the dip she did, slashing my forehead open, on easter 4. The other two, by my eye and mouth are from a dog bite, and it's from none of my mother's dogs from my grandpa's dog on my father's side on his weekend (i tripped over the dog and somehow he blamed it on my mom?? I was like a literal inch away from getting a messed up eyes) 5. I have many small scars on my hands and i have no idea where they came from (for awhile i didn't even know they were scars) 6. I think i have emetophobia? though it only gets horrible when it's others 7. I cut bangs for myself when i was little 8. I had braces 9. I had a gap that I miss so damn much 10. My canines are smaller than average, my right one being the smaller 11. For awhile I though you lost nails like teeth.. (i lost both my thumbnails and they regrew and my left pointer. 12. I burnt my left pointer finger on a texas shaped waffle maker, now it's a bit sensitive to heat 13. I've picked up two wild birds randomly when i was younger 14. I have a super faded birthmark that is kinda in the shape of a heart 15. I have a stuffed animal that is as old as me and got left at a hotel one time and is so apart of me it's basically why i use it/it's pronouns 16. I went to private school up until freshman year when i had to move 17. I have never had a crush, have someone have a crush on me, or dated someone 18. My favorite top three movies are: howls moving castle, cinderella (live action 2015), the holdovers 19. I don't really have a favorite song but i do have a favorite album (how to be a human being by glass animals) 20. I have a laptop that will be turning 5 next school year 21. I name a lot of things: big as teddy bear: jerry (after one of my favorite characters (hes from tales from the gas station if you are curious), teddy bear i got when i was born: teddy, eevee build-a-bear: eeveelyn, sylveon build-a-bear: levi (yes after levi from obey me), my melody build-a-bear: len (yes after the vocaloid, my best friend has a matching kuromi thats named rin :3) 22. I had to play twst twice before i really got into it 23. Twst and utdr are the only fandoms ive really interacted with 24. One of my favorite books is small steps: the year I got polio i had to read it twice in school and i read it once or twice on my own 25. My favorite book series is tales from the gas station and i could recite the blog version from heart due to how many times i fell asleep to mrcreepypasta's reading of it (his voice is so literally perfect for the mc (aka jack) and i refuse to believe the voice of jack in the theatrical release is how jack canonically sounds) 26. I have house of leaves and i have tried to start reading it but i just was unable to comprehend for a hot minute so i'm waiting to have a LONGGGG plane ride of something similar to read it 27. My main name, edie, was inspired from what remains of edith finch. I also choose it so if someone were to call me it i could use the excuse it's a nickname since my initials are E.D. 28. The name kel is directly lifted from omori, jeff is also lifted from the creepypasta but thats because i was matching pfps with my friend and they were matching ben and jeff pfps and someone in a discord server im in didn't know my name so they just called me jeff and i really like that, moss is deltarune + a meme i think about sometimes 29. I thought i was outed once via tiktok 30. I was almost outed as queer on a road trip and my sibling's best friend yelled something about it when i was playing a game on my phone that had pride flags available (he was queer too and probably just didn't realize i wasn't out) 31. I am not out to my parents and plan to never be (but they probably already know im some form of gay and don't really care <<ref: "I don't care if it's a guy, a girl, or a sea bass">>)

hey... uhm thanks for reading? that was a lot and im genuinely surprised i wrote that all

cutely kicks my legs woukd u liek to hear fun facts about me :3

#silly little bear chatters :]

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angelicamerlinbarnes · 3 years ago

Text

Okay but like I feel like Diego is the kind of person to flirt with really bad pick-up lines and Klaus is just Not Having It

featuring: Diego being a flustered Mama's boy and Klaus being a disaster dumbass and the two of them being completely in love with each other anyway

DISCLAIMER: None of the pick-up lines are mine, but the responses and ensuing shenanigans are :)

(there's fifty of these so buckle up kids :) sorry not sorry <3)

seriously though some of these are really bad

#1: He A Snack

Diego: Baby, you belong in the vending machine because you’re a snack.

Klaus: Diego you know I’m claustrophobic.

Diego: Don’t you mean Klaus-trophobic??? *finger guns*

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: I want a divorce.

#2: I’m From Hell

Diego: Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?

Klaus: I’m a veteran addict and abuse victim who can see ghosts, Diego.

Klaus: Everything hurts.

#3: Animal Puns

Diego: *points to TV screen playing the Discovery Channel* Hey Klaus.

Diego: You’re my otter half.

Klaus: Diego those are meerkats.

#4: Stars

Diego: The stars are beautiful tonight.

Klaus: Yup.

Diego: You know who else is beautiful?

Klaus: Ben.

#5: Get Out Your Handcuffs Mister

Diego: You’re under arrest… for stealing my heart.

Klaus: Diego you got kicked out of the police academy like five years ago, just give up.

#6: Bad Boys

Diego: *leaning against the doorframe like a moron* So. I hear you like bad boys.

Klaus: Diego you cried because you accidentally stepped on a bee last week.

Diego: Well yeah but -

Klaus: You held a funeral for it. You made us all speak. You had Allison fly in from California. It was a fucking bee, Diego.

Diego: … I wear leather?

Klaus: So does every other kid who shops at Hot Topic. You’re not special.

#7: Prince Charming

Diego: Your knight in shining armor is here -

Klaus: One, that’s a turtleneck, not armor.

Klaus: Two, you’re covered in blood. That’s the opposite of shiny.

Klaus: Three, you smell like dead fish. Go take a shower.

#8: Chemistry

Diego: Did we have a class together? Because I could’ve sworn we had -

Klaus: Chemistry? Yup. Also English and math and foreign languages and history and like every other fucking thing because we grew up in the same sadistic boarding school, Diego.

#9: The Store Can’t Just Give Away Things For Free. That’s A Terrible Way To Run A Business.

Diego: I like your pants.

Klaus: Thanks. I got them out of a dumpster. And yes, you can have them 100% off.

Diego: *voice cracks* Really?

Klaus: No.

#10: Boyfriend Material

Diego: My jeans are made of -

Klaus: You’re wearing leather pants Diego.

Diego: Okay but -

Klaus: So they’re made of leather and they’re not fucking jeans.

#11: Digits

Diego: I lost my phone number. Can I have -

Klaus: None of us have phones, Diego.

Diego: I can… buy us some?

Klaus: Fine. I want my number to be 1-420-420-4201.

Diego: Baby no.

Klaus: *pulling out the puppy dog eyes* Pwetty pwease?

Diego: Fine, but mine’s gonna be 1-696-969-6969.

Klaus: I love you so much. Marry me. Have my babies.

#12: Love At First Sight

Diego: Do you believe in love at first sight or -

Klaus: If I did I’d have already fallen in love with a lot of hot ghosts.

Diego: - should I walk by again?

Klaus: You’ve been pacing for the past ten minutes, Gogo. I think if it was gonna happen it would’ve by now.

#13: You Have Fine Written All Over You

Diego: Are you a parking ticket? Cause -

Klaus: Diego I can’t drive.

#14: His Eyes Are Green Not Blue You Dipshit

Diego: Your eyes are an ocean, and I’m lost at sea.

Klaus: ... can’t you, like, hold your breath forever?

Diego: *blinks* Baby, I love you, but you’re ruining this with our childhood trauma.

Klaus: Well since you’ve refused therapy I just thought this was the next best option.

Diego: I take back what I said about loving you.

#15: Math Is Dumb And I Wish School Would Stop Teaching It

Diego: Are you a forty-five degree angle?

Klaus: Actually, because humans have non-linear body shapes, it’s impossible for their specific angles to be measured -

Diego: Are you high or have you been defiling Five’s books again?

Klaus: *blinks* Why can’t it be both?

Diego: *rethinking life decisions*

#16: Baby I’m All Yours

Diego: Do you have a name?

Klaus: Klaus.

Diego: Or can I call you mine?

Klaus: I mean I prefer “baby”, but sure.

Diego: *super wide eyes* Really?

Klaus: *melts into a puddle of glitter* Yeah, Gogo.

#17: (Not) Bookworms

Diego: Thank god I brought my library card. Cause I’m here to check you out.

Klaus: *through a mouthful of waffles* God isn’t real. We all die and rot beneath the earth to be eaten by maggots. There is no such thing as a higher power.

Klaus: *swallows waffles and takes a really loud slurp of an orange juice and chocolate milk combo*

Klaus: Oh, and the library’s closed for renovations til, like, Christmas so you’re outta luck, sorry.

Diego: I thought you met god? Little girl on a bicycle?

Klaus: Her? Nah, only Satan’s got that much sass. Plus, that wasn’t heaven.

Diego: And you know this how?

Klaus: *squishes Diego’s face with both hands* Think about it. Do you really think dear ol’ dad’s in heaven?

Diego: Can you let of my face please?

#18: Bad Move, Buddy

Diego: Are you a pre-historic fossil? Cause you’re my missing link.

Klaus:

Klaus: Did you just call me old?

Diego, backing out of the room slowly: What? No! No of course not! No, obviously no, absolutely not -

Klaus: *releases savage war cry*

Diego: *runs for his goddamn life*

#19: I Rate This 0/10

Diego: Are you from Tennessee? Cause you’re the only -

Klaus: I don’t know where I’m from. I’m an orphan.

Diego: Oh… I know, baby -

Klaus: And the piece of shit that adopted me lived in New York anyway. We’re in New York right now actually. Do you need a geography lesson? I think Pogo’s got a map -

Diego: Klaus.

#20: Oh Shit

Diego: If nothing lasts forever, will you be my nothing?

Klaus:

Klaus: *tears up* I’m nothing?

Diego: Oh no. No no no. No, baby, you’re not nothing, don’t cry, I’m so sorry, that’s not what I meant, baby - oh my god please don’t cry -

#21: You’ve Got Everything I’m Searching For

Diego: Is your name Google? Because -

Klaus: Diego. For the last time…

Klaus: My name is Kimberly Linda Aerealia Ulysses Saffron Hargreeves the Twenty-Fourth. I don’t know why I need to keep explaining this to you -

Diego, kissing him quiet: You’re my favorite person in the world, you know that?

#22: Don’t Make Bets You’ll Lose, Luther.

Diego: Luther bet me a hundred bucks I couldn’t talk to the prettiest person here. How do you wanna spend his money?

Klaus: Drugs.

Diego: Baby -

Klaus: *beams* Nah, I’m just kidding. Stuffed giraffes.

Diego: *grins* For Five?

Klaus: *nods* For Five.

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego: He’ll hate them.

Klaus: Exactly. Let’s go.

#23: Deja Vu

Diego: Have we met before?

Klaus: Yes. Obviously. Are you also high?

Diego: No -

Diego: Wait, you’re high?

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus: No?

#24: Such An Optimist

Diego: Are you a time traveller?

Klaus: No, that’s Five.

Diego: Cause I think you’re my future!

Klaus: *stares blankly*

Diego: No? Nothing? Nada?

Klaus: In the future we’re all dead dipshit.

Klaus: Because. Ya know.

Klaus: THERE’S A FUCKING APOCALYPSE COMING.

Diego:

Diego: Okay then.

#25: Please Go To The Hospital.

Diego: Are you my appendix? Cause my stomach’s fluttering and I think I should take you out.

Klaus:

Klaus: Did you drink water from the fish tank again?

Diego: *turning green* Luther dared me to okay???!!!!

#26: Suicidal Tendencies

Diego: Hey gorgeous -

Klaus: Let me guess. I should drop dead?

Diego: What?! No! Baby -

#27: Infinitely On The Naughty List (And Not The Good Kind Of Naughty List (If There Is One I’m Asexual I Don’t Know))

Diego: Are you Santa Klaus? Cause you make all my wishes come true.

Klaus:

Klaus: You have five seconds to run.

Diego: *already two streets away* Fucking shit -

#28: You Can’t Use That Every Time We Have An Argument, Tony.

Diego: Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist right?

Klaus: I mean, there’s one in the corner of our living room right now, so I guess?

Diego:

Diego: *squeaks* You - you can see dinosaur ghosts?

Klaus: I mean, there’s a chance that thing Ben’s petting is just a super deformed ostrich, but yeah, I think so.

Diego:

Diego: *tearing up* That’s so cool.

#29: A Whole New Kind Of Thirst Trap

Diego: I’m thirsty. But guess whose body is 75% water?

Diego: *smirks*

Klaus: *frowns*

Klaus: Hold on, I know this one…

Diego: Klaus -

Klaus: *snaps fingers* Oh, I know! Luther!

Diego: *horrified* What the fuck Klaus why the fuck would you say that -

#30: What A Tragedy

Diego: You must be a campfire. Because you’re super hot and I want s’more.

Klaus:

Klaus: Diego sweetheart, you’re allergic to marshmallows.

Diego: *tearing up* I know.

Klaus: You wanna hug, baby?

Diego: *crying* Yes please.

#31: That Can’t Be Allowed

Diego: Don’t tell me if you want me to take you out to dinner. Just smile for yes, or do a backflip/somersault/counter-spin gymnastics combination for no.

Klaus: *smirks*

Klaus: *does a triple flip and lands perfectly on the top of the bar counter*

Diego: *turns bright red* That was h-h-hot.

Klaus: *beams and jumps down into Diego’s arms bridal-style*

Klaus: *kisses his cheek* I know, baby.

#32: Merry Christmas

Diego: You’re the reason Santa started the Naughty List.

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: *pouts*

Klaus: No fair! He told me last week I was on the Nice List!

Diego: What? Klaus? What does that -

Diego: OH MY GOD KLAUS IS SANTA DEAD???!!!!

#33: I’ll Keep You Safe, Honey.

Diego: I lost my teddy bear. Will you sleep with me instead?

Klaus: *pulls out a stuffed tiger*

Klaus: He got lost in the kitchen. Don’t worry, I rescued him for you.

Diego: *takes soft tiger*

Diego: *voice cracks* Oh. Thanks.

Klaus: *kisses his forehead* You’re welcome, baby.

#34: Excuse Me?

Diego: The only thing your eyes haven’t told me is your name.

Klaus, internally: Shit. What if he finds out I stole like five of his knives and all of the cookies last week?

Klaus, externally: *blinks*

Klaus: Um… Stefonopolis?

#35: I Am Not Apologizing For This One

Diego: If you were a steak, you’d be well done.

Klaus: But I’m so unique…

Klaus: I talk to the dead, Diego.

Diego: Okay…?

Klaus: *smirks*

Klaus: So wouldn’t I be medium rare?

Ben: Ooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

#36: Leonardo Da Vinci Was Arrested Multiple Times For Homosexual Activity.

Diego: Is this a museum? Cause you’re a work of art.

Klaus: *dancing to the soundtrack of High School Musical 3* Actually Five took me back to Italy once. Leonardo da Vinci and I had some fun.

Diego:

Diego: Oh my god. Seriously?

Diego: *looks up picture of Mona Lisa, now titled Mona Klausa*

Diego: How the fuck -

#37: Why Would You Say That Though

Diego: Am I sleepwalking? Cause I’ve only seen you in my dreams.

Klaus: *sitting on the counter and eating a donut in one bite* Are they dirty?

Luther: *chokes on a pickle*

Diego: Oh my god no -

Diego: Well sometimes -

Diego: I mean no of course not -

Luther: *praying to whoever’s up there to just kill him already*

#38: Be Safe Kids!

Diego: Can you hold this for me?

Klaus: Sweetie, you need to wash your hands.

#39: Apocalypse Averted!

Diego: If looks could kill, you’d be a weapon of mass destruction.

Klaus: *blinks*

Klaus: I thought that was Vanya.

Diego:

Diego, panicking: Holy shit Klaus you can’t just say things like that -

Vanya: *crying from laughter*

#40: Attractive

Diego: Do you swallow magnets? Because you’re -

Klaus: *shoves him up against the wall*

Klaus: How did you find out? Who told you? Was it Ben? I swear to god I’ll kill him -

Diego: *squeaks* What?

#41: First You’ve Gotta Propose Diego

Diego: Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?

Klaus: Diego. Did you buy me a cake?

Diego:

Klaus:

Diego:

Klaus: I’m waiting.

Diego: Right sir yes sir right away sir -

#42: He May Not Be A Kitten But He Is As Soft As One

Diego: If I followed you home, would you keep me?

Klaus: I’m homeless, Diego.

Diego: What? You are? Oh no, baby - you can come stay with me?

Klaus: *looks up from Disney Princess coloring book and raises an eyebrow* Is your bed available?

Diego, blushing: Ye-yeah, b-ba-baby. Whe-whenever you-u w-want.

Klaus: *smiles*

Klaus: *takes Diego’s hand*

Klaus: Okay.

Diego: *dies a little bit inside (in a good way)*

#43: It’s Just You.

Diego: Is it hot in here or is it just you?

Klaus, blushing: I -

Five: DIEGO. THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE. NOW IS NOT THE TIME.

#44: ‘Scuse Me, Mate?

Diego: You know, penguins mate for life. Wanna be my penguin?

Klaus: Eh. I’ve always been more of an iguana man.

Diego:

Diego: What?

#45: You Look Like… Antonio Banderas With The Long Hair.

Diego: How’s the most beautiful person in the world doing today?

Klaus: *buried in a Vogue magazine* I don’t know I’m not Antonio Banderas.

#46: What The Fuck Klaus

Diego: Do you have a map? I keep getting lost in your eyes.

Klaus: *hands him a Candyland board* Here. I stole it from Pogo.

#47: You Dumbass

Diego: I hate my last name. Can I borrow yours?

Klaus:

Klaus: We have the same last name, Diego.

Diego: *blinks*

Diego: Fuck you’re right -

#48: Okay But Diego Would Make A Great Aladdin Though

Diego: I’m not a genie, but I can still make your dreams come true.

Klaus: *wrinkles his nose*

Klaus: You can get me a pink elephant with jaundice?

Diego: *blinks*

Diego: What the fuck Klaus -

#49: HELLO

Diego: Is that a knife or are you just happy to see me?

Klaus: I don’t just have random knives on me Diego, I’m not you.

Diego: So you are happy to see me?

Klaus: I mean you just interrupted a very riveting episode of Sesame Street, so… we’ll see.

#50: It’s Always Best To Start With The Truth.

Diego: I love you.

Klaus: *beams* That’s all you had to say, darling.

47 notes · View notes

bismuthwisdom · 3 years ago

Text

I posted 1.452 times in 2021

89 posts created (6%)

1363 posts reblogged (94%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 15.3 posts.

I added 964 tags in 2021

#winx club - 331 posts

#aesthetic - 118 posts

#umineko - 74 posts

#w.i.t.c.h. - 72 posts

#precure - 71 posts

#hetalia - 66 posts

#gif - 66 posts

#aph - 62 posts

#madoka magica - 61 posts

#sailor moon - 43 posts

Longest Tag: 114 characters

#sheets;blanket;comforter;two main pillows;three deco pillows with two plushies;pillow for clothes;giant teddy bear

My Top Posts in 2021

And not only in a platonic way.

20 notes • Posted 2021-08-27 19:08:30 GMT

Winx Club Childhood Headcanons: Bloom

While I am still working on my future AU, I decided to spice up the Winx childhoods with some tidbits. First up: Bloom

💫Before Daphne sent Bloom to Earth, she has put two spells on her. The first one was an easy one, it allowed people who might find her know her true name. Daphne believed that one day she might be able to return to her home planet so this spell would help her when she finds inscriptions of her name.

The second one was much more difficult to do. It was a somewhat sentient conglomeration of magic that would protect Bloom pretth much till she dies or she acrivates her Winx. At this point in time, it protected her three times. The first one was when Mike found her. The second one was when she was being annoyed by a kid in preschool. It made Bloom look like a dragon for a second and scared the kid off. The third one was during the Knut fight in the first episode.

💫She was four months old when she was sent to Earth, which means she could at least experience a bit of Domino life during that time.

💫One significant thing were Marions stories. If the parent has enough magical experience, they can mentally project the story into the kid's brain and help them with memorisation. That's why Bloom even got the fascination with fairies as Marion described the Domino fairies in a lot of detail.

💫Bloom didn't live with her adoptive parents right away. At first she was sent to a child center for lost or abandoned kids bc they were trying to find her parents. Another thing was that Mike and Vanessa didn't think they would do a good job raising a child. They were married for two years at that point and Vanessa just opened up her flower shop a few weeks prior to finding Bloom. They were still looking out for her as they visited her every weekend. After a year and a half, they finally decided to adopt her as the search was unsuccesful.

💫She got interestes in art after she won in a school art competition at the age of 10. Vanessa encouraged her to submit her highly detailed drawing of a castle.

💫Sports were one of the things the family did regularly. From biking to swimming, they were very active whenever they could. This made Bloom the second most athletic Winx after Aisha.

💫Bloom and Mitzi used to be BFFs. Mitzi transfered to Blooms school and the classmates mocked her as she was "just a spoiled rich girl" which was not true at the time. Bloom befriended her as both weren't that liked by the other kids for being different (Bloom was quite a wild kid back then). But after starting middle school, Mitzi found other friends (which were also the popular kids) while they driftee more apart. Bloom still tried to be her friend, but Mitzi rarely paid attention to her. One rare occasion was when she broke up with Andy when they were both 15. After founding the Winx Club, she realized what true friend were really and wanted to "get revenge" on Mitzi in the Hallowinx episode.

21 notes • Posted 2021-09-05 17:46:14 GMT

Getting into the community side of the W.I.T.C.H fandom, I already expected to find some Phobos and/or Cedric tumblr sexyman vibes. But I didn't know how WIDESPREAD that was. 😂

28 notes • Posted 2021-11-07 21:38:05 GMT

Fave Guardian this, fave sexy villian that.

But who is your fave W.I.T.C.H. mom if you are brave enough to share?

31 notes • Posted 2021-11-24 08:26:08 GMT

Facebook HQ rn

34 notes • Posted 2021-10-04 20:56:42 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #my tastes changed drastically #winx club #w.i.t.c.h.#precure

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hlupdate · 4 years ago

Link

Variety’s Grammy-nominated Hitmaker of the Year goes deep on the music industry, the great pause and finding his own muses.

“We’ll dance again,” Harry Styles coos, the Los Angeles sunshine peeking through his pandemic-shaggy hair just so. The singer, songwriter and actor — beloved and critically acclaimed thanks to his life-affirming year-old album, “Fine Line” — is lamenting that his Variety Hitmaker of the Year cover conversation has to be conducted over Zoom rather than in person. Even via videoconference, the Brit is effortlessly charming, as anyone who’s come within earshot of him would attest, but it quickly becomes clear that beneath that genial smile is a well-honed media strategy.

To wit: In an interview that appears a few days later announcing his investment in a new arena in his native Manchester (more on that in a bit), he repeats the refrain — “There will be a time we dance again”— referencing a much-needed return to live music and the promise of some 4,000 jobs for residents.

None of which is to suggest that Styles, 26, phones it in for interviews. Quite the opposite: He does very few, conceivably to give more of himself and not cheapen what is out there and also to use the publicity opportunity to indulge his other interests, like fashion. (Last month Styles became the first male to grace the cover of Vogue solo.) Still, it stings a little that a waltz with the former One Direction member may not come to pass on this album cycle — curse you, coronavirus.

Styles’ isolation has coincided with his maturation as an artist, a thespian and a person. With “Fine Line,” he’s proved himself a skilled lyricist with a tremendous ear for harmony and melody. In preparing for his role in Olivia Wilde’s period thriller “Don’t Worry Darling,” which is shooting outside Palm Springs, he found an outlet for expression in interpreting words on a page. And for the first time, he’s using his megaphone to speak out about social justice — inspired by the outpouring of support for Black people around the world following the death of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police in May.

Styles has spent much of the past nine months at home in London, where life has slowed considerably. The time has allowed him to ponder such heady issues as his purpose on the earth. “It’s been a pause that I don’t know if I would have otherwise taken,” says Styles. “I think it’s been pretty good for me to have a kind of stop, to look and think about what it actually means to be an artist, what it means to do what we do and why we do it. I lean into moments like this — moments of uncertainty.”

In truth, while Styles has largely been keeping a low profile — his Love On Tour, due to kick off on April 15, was postponed in late March and is now scheduled to launch in February 2021 (whether it actually will remains to be seen) — his music has not. This is especially true in the U.S., where he’s notched two hit singles, “Adore You,” the second-most-played song at radio in 2020, and “Watermelon Sugar” (No. 22 on Variety’s year-end Hitmakers chart), with a third, “Golden,” already cresting the top 20 on the pop format. The massive cross-platform success of these songs means Styles has finally and decisively broken into the American market, maneuvering its web of gatekeepers to accumulate 6.2 million consumption units and rising.

Why do these particular songs resonate in 2020? Styles doesn’t have the faintest idea. While he acknowledges a “nursery rhyme” feel to “Watermelon Sugar” with its earwormy loop of a chorus, that’s about as much insight as he can offer. His longtime collaborator and friend Tom Hull, also known as the producer Kid Harpoon, offers this take: “There’s a lot of amazing things about that song, but what really stands out is the lyric. It’s not trying to hide or be clever. The simplicity of watermelon … there’s such a joy in it, [which] is a massive part of that song’s success.” Also, his kids love it. “I’ve never had a song connect with children in this way,” says Hull, whose credits include tunes by Shawn Mendes, Florence and the Machine and Calvin Harris. “I get sent videos all the time from friends of their kids singing. I have a 3-year-old and an 8-year-old, and they listen to it.”

Styles is quick to note that he doesn’t chase pop appeal when crafting songs. In fact, the times when he pondered or approved a purposeful tweak, like on his self-titled 2017 debut, still gnaw at him. “I love that album so much because it represents such a time in my life, but when I listen to it — sonically and lyrically, especially — I can hear places where I was playing it safe,” he says. “I was scared to get it wrong.”

Contemporary effects and on-trend beats hardly factor into Styles’ decision-making. He likes to focus on feelings — his own and his followers’ — and see himself on the other side of the velvet rope, an important distinction in his view. “People within [the industry] feel like they operate on a higher level of listening, and I like to make music from the point of being a fan of music,” Styles says. “Fans are the best A&R.”

This from someone who’s had free rein to pursue every musical whim, and hand in the album of his dreams in the form of “Fine Line.” Chart success makes it all the sweeter, but Styles insists that writing “for the right reasons” supersedes any commercial considerations. “There’s no part that feels, eh, icky — like it was made in the lab,” he says.

Styles has experience in this realm. As a graduate of the U.K. competition series “The X Factor,” where he and four other auditionees — Niall Horan, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne and Louis Tomlinson — were singled out by show creator and star judge Simon Cowell to conjoin as One Direction, he’s seen how the prefab pop machine works up close. The One Direction oeuvre, which counts some 42 million albums sold worldwide, includes songs written with such established hitmakers as Ryan Tedder, Savan Kotecha and Teddy Geiger. Being a studious, insatiable observer, Styles took it all in.

“I learned so much,” he says of the experience. “When we were in the band, I used to try and write with as many different people as I could. I wanted to practice — and I wrote a lot of bad shit.”

His bandmates also benefited from the pop star boot camp. The proof is in the relatively seamless solo transitions of at least three of its members — Payne, Malik and Horan in addition to Styles — each of whom has landed hit singles on charts in the U.K., the U.S. and beyond.

This departs from the typical trajectories of boy bands including New Kids on the Block and ’N Sync, which have all pro ered a star frontman. The thinking for decades was that a record company would be lucky to have one breakout solo career among the bunch.

Styles has plainly thought about this.

“When you look at the history of people coming out of bands and starting solo careers, they feel this need to apologize for being in the band. ‘Don’t worry, everyone, that wasn’t me! Now I get to do what I really want to do.’ But we loved being in the band,” he says. “I think there’s a wont to pit people against each other. And I think it’s never been about that for us. It’s about a next step in evolution. The fact that we’ve all achieved different things outside of the band says a lot about how hard we worked in it.”

Indeed, during the five-ish years that One Direction existed, Styles’ schedule involved the sort of nonstop international jet-setting that few get to see in a lifetime, never mind their teenage years. Between 2011 and 2015, One Direction’s tours pulled in north of $631 million in gross ticket sales, according to concert trade Pollstar, and the band was selling out stadiums worldwide by the time it entered its extended hiatus. Styles, too, had built up to playing arenas as a solo artist, engaging audiences with his colorful stage wear and banter and left-of-center choices for opening acts (a pre-Grammy-haul Kacey Musgraves in 2018; indie darlings King Princess and Jenny Lewis for his rescheduled 2021 run).

Stages of all sizes feel like home to Styles. He grew up in a suburb of Manchester, ground zero for some of the biggest British acts of the 1980s and ’90s, including Joy Division, New Order, the Smiths and Oasis, the latter of which broke the same year Styles was born. His parents were also music lovers. Styles’ father fed him a balanced diet of the Beatles, Fleetwood Mac, the Rolling Stones and Queen, while Mum was a fan of Shania Twain, Norah Jones and Savage Garden. “They’re all great melody writers,” says Styles of the acts’ musical throughline.

Stevie Nicks, who in the past has described “Fine Line” as Styles’ “Rumours,” referencing the Fleetwood Mac 1977 classic, sees him as a kindred spirit. “Harry writes and sings his songs about real experiences that seemingly happened yesterday,” she tells Variety. “He taps into real life. He doesn’t make up stories. He tells the truth, and that is what I do. ‘Fine Line’ has been my favorite record since it came out. It is his ‘Rumours.’ I told him that in a note on December 13, 2019 before he went on stage to play the ‘Fine Line’ album at the Forum. We cried. He sang those songs like he had sung them a thousand times. That’s a great songwriter and a great performer.”

“Harry’s playing and writing is instinctual,” adds Jonathan Wilson, a friend and peer who’s advised Styles on backing and session musicians. “He understands history and where to take the torch. You can see the thread of great British performers — from Bolan to Bowie — in his music.”

Also shaping his musical DNA was Manchester itself, the site of a 23,500-seat arena, dubbed Co-op Live, for which Styles is an investor and adviser. Oak View Group, a company specializing in live entertainment and global sports that was founded by Tim Leiweke and Irving Azoff in 2015 (Jeffrey Azoff, Irving’s son, represents Styles at Full Stop Management), is leading the effort to construct the venue. The project gained planning approval in September and is set to open in 2023, with its arrival representing a £350 million ($455 million) investment in the city. (Worth noting: Manchester is already home to an arena — the site of a 2017 bombing outside an Ariana Grande concert — and a football stadium, where One Love Manchester, an all-star benefit show to raise money for victims of the terrorist attack, took place.)

“I went to my first shows in Manchester,” Styles says of concerts paid for with money earned delivering newspapers for a supermarket called the Co-op. “My friends and I would go in on weekends. There’s so many amazing small venues, and music is such a massive part of the city. I think Manchester deserves it. It feels like a full-circle, coming-home thing to be doing this and to be able to give any kind of input. I’m incredibly proud. Hopefully they’ll let me play there at some point.”

Though Styles has owned properties in Los Angeles, his base for the foreseeable future is London. “I feel like my relationship with L.A. has changed a lot,” he explains. “I’ve kind of accepted that I don’t have to live here anymore; for a while I felt like I was supposed to. Like it meant things were going well. This happened, then you move to L.A.! But I don’t really want to.”

Is it any wonder? Between COVID and the turmoil in the U.S. spurred by the presidential election, Styles, like some 79 million American voters, is recovering from sticker shock over the bill of goods sold to them by the concept of democracy. “In general, as people, there’s a lack of empathy,” he observes. “We found this place that’s so divisive. We just don’t listen to each other anymore. And that’s quite scary.”

That belief prompted Styles to speak out publicly in the wake of George Floyd’s death. As protests in support of Black Lives Matter took to streets all over the world, for Styles, it triggered a period of introspection, as marked by an Instagram message (liked by 2.7 million users and counting) in which he declared: “I do things every day without fear, because I am privileged, and I am privileged every day because I am white. … Being not racist is not enough, we must be anti racist. Social change is enacted when a society mobilizes. I stand in solidarity with all of those protesting. I’m donating to help post bail for arrested organizers. Look inwards, educate yourself and others. LISTEN, READ, SHARE, DONATE and VOTE. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. BLACK LIVES MATTER.”

“Talking about race can be really uncomfortable for everyone,” Styles elaborates. “I had a realization that my own comfort in the conversation has nothing to do with the problem — like that’s not enough of a reason to not have a conversation. Looking back, I don’t think I’ve been outspoken enough in the past. Using that feeling has pushed me forward to being open and ready to learn. … How can I ensure from my side that in 20 years, the right things are still being done and the right people are getting the right opportunities? That it’s not a passing thing?”

His own record company — and corporate parent Sony Music Group, whose chairman, Rob Stringer, signed Styles in 2016 — has been grappling with these same questions as the industry has faced its own reckoning with race. At issue: inequality among the upper ranks (an oft-cited statistic: popular music is 80% Black, but the music business is 80% white); contracts rooted in a decades-old system that many say is set up to take advantage of artists, Black artists more unfairly than white; and the call for a return of master rights, an ownership model that is at the core of the business.

Styles acknowledges the fundamental imbalance in how a major label deal is structured — the record company takes on the financial risk while the artist is made to recoup money spent on the project before the act is considered profitable and earning royalties (typically at a 15% to 18% rate for the artist, while the label keeps and disburses the rest). “Historically, I can’t think of any industry that’s benefited more off of Black culture than music,” he says. “There are discussions that need to happen about this long history of not being paid fairly. It’s a time for listening, and hopefully, people will come out humbled, educated and willing to learn and change.”

By all accounts, Styles is a voracious reader, a movie lover and an aesthete. He stays in shape by adhering to a strict daily exercise routine. “I tried to keep up but didn’t last more than two weeks,” says Hull, Styles’ producer, with a laugh. “The discipline is terrifying.”

Of course, with the fashion world beckoning — Styles recently appeared in a film series for Gucci’s new collection that was co-directed by the fashion house’s creative director, Alessandro Michele, and Oscar winner Gus Van Sant — and a movie that’s set in the 1950s, maintaining that physique is part of the job. And he’s no stranger to visual continuity after appearing in Christopher Nolan’s epic “Dunkirk” and having to return to set for reshoots; his hair, which needed to be cut back to its circa 1940 form, is a constant topic of conversation among fans. This time, it’s the ink that poses a challenge. By Styles’ tally, he’s up to 60 tattoos, which require an hour in the makeup chair to cover up. “It’s the only time I really regret getting tattooed,” he says.

He shows no regret, however, when it comes to stylistic choices overall, and takes pride in his gender-agnostic portfolio, which includes wearing a Gucci dress on that Vogue cover— an image that incited conservative pundit Candace Owens to plead publicly to “bring back manly men.” In Styles’ view: “To not wear [something] because it’s females’ clothing, you shut out a whole world of great clothes. And I think what’s exciting about right now is you can wear what you like. It doesn’t have to be X or Y. Those lines are becoming more and more blurred.”

But acclaim, if you can believe it, is not top of mind for Styles. As far as the Grammys are concerned, Styles shrugs, “It’s never why I do anything.” His team and longtime label, however, had their hearts set on a showing at the Jan. 31 ceremony. Their investment in Styles has been substantial — not just monetarily but in carefully crafting his career in the wake of such icons as David Bowie, who released his final albums with the label. Hope at the company and in many fans’ hearts that Styles would receive an album of the year nomination did not come to pass. However, he was recognized in three categories, including best pop vocal album.

“It’s always nice to know that people like what you’re doing, but ultimately — and especially working in a subjective field — I don’t put too much weight on that stuff,” Styles says. “I think it’s important when making any kind of art to remove the ego from it.” Citing the painter Matisse, he adds: “It’s about the work that you do when you’re not expecting any applause.”

#harry styles #variety #021220

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hldailyupdate · 4 years ago

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This Charming Man: Why We’re Wild About Harry Styles

Variety’s Grammy-nominated Hitmaker of the Year goes deep on the music industry, the great pause and finding his own muses.

Styles has plainly thought about this.

Harry for Variety. (2 December 2020)

#harry styles #harry update #article #variety #hldaily #December 2020

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reavenedges-lies · 3 years ago

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Full Article Below The Cut

Which players should the Penguins protect? Three Post-Gazette staffers play GM

MATT VENSEL

Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

[email protected]

JUL 15, 2021 5:18 AM

Ron Hextall has been mum about which Penguins he plans to protect in next Wednesday’s expansion draft. We have educated guesses but won’t officially find out until the weekend, after teams must formally submit their protected lists to the new Seattle Kraken and the rest of the league.

In the meantime, we decided we would steal Hextall’s comfy GM chair for a moment, kick back our feet, swivel around a little bit and share which players we would protect if Mario Lemieux was crazy enough to let us run the team.

Who’s we? Post-Gazette beat reporters Matt Vensel and Mike DeFabo and columnist Ron Cook, game-day regulars over at PPG Paints Arena.

We also projected which guy the Kraken would grab in each scenario.

All three over us opted to protect seven forwards, three defensemen and a goalie instead of eight overall skaters and a goalie. And while we all agreed on most of the players we would keep, there were a few differences. So we explained the rationale behind our personal protected lists.

Finally, these protected lists are somewhat based on the personal preferences of each of us. But there is some actual intel buried in here. So enjoy, let us know which of us is the smartest and feel free to share your lists, too.

Matt Vensel, Penguins beat reporter:

FORWARDS: Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Jake Guentzel, Bryan Rust, Brandon Tanev, Teddy Blueger and Kasperi Kapanen

The first four guys are no-brainers. Tanev and Blueger are quick calls for me, too. Tanev is a guy who can provide a spark on a random Tuesday in January and help you win playoff games in May. He is also integral to the team’s off-ice chemistry. Blueger has become an effective shutdown center and added 22 points in 43 games last season. The final forward spot comes down to Kapanen and Jeff Carter. Carter is the more useful player to Pittsburgh for 2021-22, especially with Malkin out indefinitely. But I’ll gamble that Seattle passes on the 36-year-old and I will instead keep Kapanen, an imperfect middle-six winger but a tradable asset.

DEFENSEMEN: Kris Letang, Brian Dumoulin and Cody Ceci

Letang and Dumoulin are the easy ones. And young blue-liners John Marino and Pierre-Olivier Joseph are exempt, so need to worry about protecting them. No one else is a priority. Mike Matheson had a nice first season here and fellow lefty Marcus Pettersson is well-rounded with perhaps a little more room to grow. Unfortunately, both have pricey, long-term deals that eat up too much cap room relative to their level of performance. Ceci is an unrestricted free agent but he is someone whom the Penguins should and will consider resigning. I’ll keep his rights, which could maybe be traded for a future asset if we can’t afford him.

GOALIE: Tristan Jarry

Protecting Jarry is not endorsing him as my No. 1 entering 2021-22. I just don’t want to be caught without a goalie when the record screeches on the offseason game of musical chairs. I still hope to bring in a veteran with some semblance of a playoff pedigree to push or potentially outright replace Jarry on the roster.

SEATTLE SELECTS…

Jared McCann. I crossed my fingers that Kraken GM Ron Francis would take one of these bigger cap hits off our books. But they pass on Matheson, Pettersson and winger Jason Zucker and roll the dice on McCann. The former first-rounder has speed, a wicked wrister, versatility and a reasonable $2.9 million salary. The Kraken hope that the 25-year-old finally puts it all together on his fourth NHL team.

Mike DeFabo, Penguins beat reporter:

FORWARDS: Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Jake Guentzel, Bryan Rust, Brandon Tanev, Kasperi Kapanen and Jeff Carter.

The Penguins might be willing to play a game of chicken with Seattle and assume the Kraken will not select a 36-year-old who has just one year remaining on his contract. In fact, I’d expect them to take this bet and leave Carter exposed. But if I’m playing GM? That’s too big of a gamble now that we know Evgeni Malkin underwent significant offseason knee surgery that will force him to miss the beginning of the season. Who knows when Malkin will actually return? Who knows how effective he’ll be at 35 with a wonky wheel and a disrupted offseason program? The Penguins need a reliable insurance policy. Carter is exactly that. Carter fit in seamlessly in the dressing room after he was acquired at the deadline and made his presence felt on the ice, too, scoring 13 goals in 20 games, including playoffs.

DEFENSEMEN: Kris Letang, Brian Dumoulin and Mike Matheson

There’s an argument to be made that the Penguins should leave both Pettersson and Matheson exposed and try to entice Seattle to take one of those long, expensive contracts off their hands. However, the way the Penguins’ speed-oriented system highlighted Matheson’s strengths makes him a player that I wouldn’t want to lose for nothing.

GOALIE: Tristan Jarry

Jarry’s postseason performance didn’t inspire a lot of confidence. But where will the Penguins be if Seattle selects their No. 1 netminder? I’d still try to add a goalie to challenge Jarry for starting time or possibly even supplant him. But knowing he’s on the roster gives the team more options and a safety net.

SEATTLE SELECTS…

Teddy Blueger. Give the 26-year-old center credit. He’s almost always the last player on the ice at practice, fine-tuning his game as he adds an offensive dimension to what’s already a consistent defensive game. But let’s not make him out to be more than he is. He’s still, more or less, a fourth-line center on a team filled with talented forwards. The Penguins would have a much-easier time replacing a fourth-line center than a second-line center like Carter.

Ron Cook, Post-Gazette columnist:

FORWARDS: Sidney Crosby, Evgeni Malkin, Jake Guentzel, Bryan Rust, Kasperi Kapanen, Brandon Tanev and Teddy Blueger

Only the final spot was difficult for me: Blueger or Jared McCann. I’m gambling the Kraken won’t take Jeff Carter at his advanced age even though he would be a perfect leader on a young team. It would be nice if Seattle would take Jason Zucker and his inflated salary off the Penguins’ hands, but that isn’t going to happen. I went with Blueger over McCann because he is more qualified as a center.

DEFENSEMEN: Kris Letang, Brian Dumoulin and Mike Matheson

The Penguins don’t have to worry about losing much on the blue line. Matheson and Marcus Pettersson are more than expendable because of their high salaries, but the Kraken won’t be interested in either player. It’s good that John Marino is exempt from this draft. I see him coming back next season and having a good year. Getting bigger and tougher on defense should be Ron Hextall’s No. 1 offseason priority. Opponents go virtually untouched in front of the Penguins’ net.

GOALIE: Tristan Jarry.

Penguins management insists it still believes in Jarry despite his playoff flameout. I wasn’t buying any of it until someone I trust in the organization told me that the coaches and players know the truth about Jarry – that he was injured late in the season, didn’t get to practice before the playoff series against the Islanders and lost his edge. I still have my doubts and want to see the team bring in a veteran goaltender to challenge Jarry for playing time. That wouldn’t be good news for Casey DeSmith, who is a solid No. 2 netminder. Who knows? DeSmith might have given the Penguins a better chance against the Islanders if he hadn’t been injured.

SEATTLE SELECTS…

McCann. Sadly. The Penguins won the NHL’s most rugged division last season so you know they are going to lose a good player in the expansion draft. That will be McCann. I will hate to see him go despite the fact he came up small in the postseason the past two years. I see him as a solid NHL player for many years.

First Published July 15, 2021, 5:18am

#pens lb #pittsburgh penguins #Pittsburgh Post-Gazette #2021 offseason #nhl expansion draft

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dammitadolfnomorecake · 4 years ago

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Once Bitten, Twice Stupid

Pairing: Klance: Keith Kogane/Lance Mcclain

Summary: Lance has lived a pretty simple life since being turned into a vampire. He’s got his house, his cat, and his two besties that have no idea he’s a vampire thanks to his awesome acting skills... He thought he was happy, that things were fine, that he wasn’t drawing too much attention to himself... and then he met Keith.Big, dumb, hot, emo, stupid Keith. Keith that went and flipped his life upside down, because, seriously, Keith really was a special kind of stupid.Vampire Lance x Vampire Hunter Keith

READ ON AO3

People sucked. People truly, madly, unequivocally, completely and totally sucked. That’s why Lance had brought his farmhouse outside a the tiny speck of a town barely found on most maps. He hadn’t lead a particularly long life, at least not when compared to others suffering from the same condition as he had, yet in his short time, he’d come to hate people. Don’t get him wrong, he didn’t hate everyone. He had two best friends that meant the world to him, Pidge and Hunk. Both paranormal investigators, and both blind to his unusualness. No. What Lance held issue with was the continued hunting of his kind by the Vatican. His “ancestors” may have bathed in blood, and sacrificed virgins, all that kind of hooky-huha that one reads in scary stories, but before he’d been made a vampire, he liked to think he’d been a happy enough well liked kid, and he liked to think that even these days he still carried an air of that charm whenever he was forced from his home.

Garrison was a tiny town 50kms away from Platt City, founded during the Third World War, the city held plenty of ghostly secrets which had drawn both Hunk and Pidge to the area. Boasting a single Main Street, the highlights of the town were limited to tourist traps and three pubs on the Main Street. It was while studying at Platt University that he’d met both his best friends, twenty years his juniors, yet thanks to his unwanted immortality his body had stopped maturing roughly around the age of 18, making it easy to join the crowded university with a few falsified papers. His intention was to refresh his legal skills in order to keep up with the time’s. With the help of his Mami, he’d moved somewhere small and private, to a dead beat town that accepted weirdness as an everyday occurrence thanks to the tourists that came to see the ghosts of soldiers passed. When he’d been a kid, he’d always dreamed of being an astronaut, yet had chosen law to help those less fortunate in some kind of redemption for his condition. Being immortal meant keeping up with the times, though his house retained much of its old “Victorian” charm. Plus, with Platt being so close, it made for an easy drive up there every three weeks to pick up new blood bags. He was in no way a stereotypical vampire other than his need for blood. He wore glasses, because his eyesight was so good his mind couldn’t process everything he was seeing. This came with the unfortunate side effect of being clumsy as hell. He’d come from a Catholic family, meaning he believed in the presence of God. He’d also never drunk from a human, and never taken a human as pet or a lover like some did. When he wasn’t tagging along with Pidge and Hunk to ensure they didn’t accidentally summon something nasty, most of his time was devoted to providing low cost family legal advise.

Perhaps because he hadn’t been born a vampire, he’d retained many of his human ways. Sunlight didn’t turn him to ashes. Garlic gave him pretty bad stomach cramps and indigestion, which could be fobbed off with the excuse of an allergy. Silver gave him hives, again, something that could be passed off as an allergic reaction. He refused to harm animals for blood. He refused to bite another human, despite the fact a bite wouldn’t turn one anyway. They needed to be drinking his blood for that to happen, and after how he’d been turned, there was no way he’d ever do that to a mortal. He showed up in photographs, though his eyes always came out red instead of their usual bright blue. Mirrors weren’t exactly his friend, but not because he couldn’t see himself, instead because he hated seeing himself. They didn’t magically show his “vampire face”, instead they reminded him he’d never grow old. At the ripe age of 44 he looked 18. Even when he turned 100, he’d still look 18. It was thoroughly depressing. Unlike some vampires he didn’t have a coven, or a pack. His house only held him and his cat Blue, who he’d found as a tiny kitten under the steps leading up to the porch. She’s was black, fluffy, and an absolute princess in his eyes. Other than the general upkeep of his house, blood costs and the very occasional splurge on new clothes, most of the money he made went to spoiling his little princess. He wasn’t sure if Blue was part vampire, her teeth had always been sharp, as kitten he’d dug her out by the scruff of the neck, her tiny little teeth were far too cute as they buried themselves into his hand. She’d never acted like she was, but she also preferred to stay inside and had a personality that rivalled some of the most twisted “Queen” vamps he’d met. Then again, everyone knew cats were temperamental arseholes, so maybe Blue was simply being the snobby cow she was born to be.

All in all, Lance had nothing to complain about in his life. He was happy, content, safe in the knowledge no one about to ruin that anytime soon.

Pulling into the parking lot of their usual dive, Sal’s burgers wasn’t the most popular place in town, making it the perfect place to hang out. Located 10kms out of town on the road to Platt City, seemingly an inconvenience the locals, most of Sal’s customers came from tourists needing to stop because their kids needed the toilet. A few of the older locals had dedicated seats at the service bar, and maybe one or twice a week people spiced it up from their usual coffee shops on Main Street, but all in all, the lack of customers is what Lance loved about it. The whole place looked as if the 50’s had left it behind, from its pastel pink exterior to the cheesy green and silver breakfast stools at the c go heck board service bar. From his parking space he could already see Pidge and Hunk waiting for him in their usual booth. Hunk’s head thrown back as he laughed at something, probably at Pidge’s expense.

Cutting the engine, Lance grabbed up his wallet, phone, and gloves. He wasn’t exactly the warmest of people to begin with, but this freezing weather was likely to turn him into an undead popsicle. Already dressed in his favourite khaki jacket, Lance did a quick double check pat down before climbing out his battered blue four wheel drive. She was old, had one too many rust spots and didn’t like starting on days like today, but he’d had her since he’d graduated college the first time around. His Mami was always nagging at him to get rid of her, to use some of his money to buy something better, something that didn’t have roll down windows and a dodgy CD player. His first car was his first real taste of freedom after being turned. They’d been through a lot together, leaving him unable to say goodbye to her. That’d be like cutting him own arm off.

Sal gave him a wave as Lance walked in, the man was a teddy bear under his perpetual 5 o’clock shadow and greasy apron. His policy seemed to be that if someone couldn’t respect him like this, they weren’t worth his respect in return

“Hey’a there, Lance. Pull up a seat and I’ll bring your usual over”

“Thanks, Sal. You’re the best!”

Sal grumbled, Lance pretending he didn’t hear every low word about him. Bringing up that Sal secretly liked him well enough would only leave the old man flustered. For the sake of their “friendship”, he played along with Sal’s mumbling translating into how much of a pain he was. With a bounce in his step, Lance headed over to Pidge and Hunk, throwing himself into the booth as he wrapped his arms around Hunk

“Lance!”

“It’s soooo cold! Warm me up!”

Hunk hugged him back

“I’ve got you, bro! You’re freezing...”

“And you’re late. You were supposed to be here half an hour ago”

Lance sighed dramatically as he rolled his eyes at his favourite tech gremlin

“You know how she gets in cold weather”

“Who? There better not be anything and wrong with my Princess”

“Pidge, you should know by now that when Lance talks like that, he’s talking about his car... right?”

Lance grinned

“Of course I’m talking about my girl. And my Princess is perfectly happy. Blue was curled up under my blankets when I left”

Pidge pouted at him

“You could have brought her with you. I miss my Blue cuddles”

“You could try coming by the house. She was in a mood when I left”

Lance had a backpack carrier for her, but Blue would have frozen her perfect little toe beans out in the weather today. He’d left the heated blanket on a timer for her, unable to keep from spoiling his princess. Pidge’s hand left her laptop keyboard to grab her mug of coffee

“But your house is soooo far away. Anyway, we’re here to talk about work. I was on this forum last night, and someone swore they met a werewolf. Can you imagine? Hunk told me to stop scaring him”

Hunk... Hunk was the biggest ray of sunshine Lance had ever met. The poor man got every single form of motion sickness know, but that never once stopped him. He was terrified of ghost stories, not the best constitution to have when one is a ghost hunter... No, paranormal investigator. He’d been told there was a difference, but honestly it all sounded the same. People loved to think of the unknown, that world existing just out of their everyday mundane lives. Having been in that world for as long as he had been, Lance would happily pay for a boring mundane life

“I wasn’t scared... I’m... cautious”

Pidge clucked at Hunk, Hunk flipping her off. Laughing at him, Pidge wasn’t easily swayed

“You’re a chicken. What about you, Lance? Do you believe in werewolves?”

Werewolves were dicks. He’d bumped into a few over the years, and they’d done nothing to persuade him that they weren’t. The only thing they had going for them was their commitment to their mates and family, other than that, they were testosterone filled morons with claws.

“I don’t know... I feel like they’d all be too stupid to hide their existence”

“Wolves are incredibly smart... Fine, let’s put that one the back burner. Now, about work, there’s a group of tourists that want to come through the old hospital. The visitors centre in town gave me a call about it. Apparently they pay reeeeeeally well”

They’d have to. The old hospital was “cursed”. It’d been converted into a professional centre, but three years after the renovations they closed the building down thanks to the high number of injuries. If there were ghosts there, it was doubtful they’d care to bother with the employees. They all had their own issues. Lance held the opinion it was more a spate of psychosomatic symptoms resulting from the first accident. The building had been handed back over to the town, where it’d sat empty until it reopened as a military museum. With a bored sigh, Lance resigned himself to the fact that Pidge had already gone ahead and decided this was happening. Patting Hunk on the arm, the big man let him go

“When is this all supposed to be happening?”

Pidge’s eyes twinkled with mischief. Lance loved that about her. The top of her head barely came to his chin, but her pint sized stature didn’t stop her. She was always up for a laugh, and frightfully adapt with all things technology based. One of their first conversations came about because Lance had dropped his phone down the stairwell, smashing the screen as it bounced. Seeing her notice pinned up at the campuses cafe, he’d reached out to her with no idea they’d still be besties so many years later. From memory she had an older brother who was as much of a nerd as she was, while her mother and her father both worked in some private sector. He’d met them once over a family dinner Pidge dragged him to, seen them half a dozen times on their front steps as Pidge fled from their parental yelling, and finally been stuck in a very awkward conversation with Pidge’s father, Sam, when he’d found Bae-Bae, the missing family dog who Pidge had brought along on one of their ghost hunts

“Tonight. We’ve got permission to start once the museum shuts for the day. The tour starts at 8, so we’ll go in, set up, have something to eat, then scare the shit out of them at 8”

“You didn’t tell me it’s tonight!”

Poor Hunk. His poor heart had no time to come to terms with this. His worrying only made Pidge smile wider

“Relax, it’ll be fiiiine. Lance is coming with us. He’ll protect you from anything spooky”

“Why do I have to protect you? What are you going to do? Sue the ghosts for giving you the heebie-jeebies? Sorry, that’s not my specialty”

Pidge slid her glasses down to the tip of her nose as she puffed her chest out

“Ha, he, ho, I’m Lance and I have a fancy law degree! Those ghosts better think twice before looking at me”

Lance laughed way too hard, tears leaking out the corners of his eyes, his black frame glasses nearly falling off. Pidge pushing her glasses back into place as Sal brought over Lance’s pancakes and coffee. The man simply placing them down before backing away without a word

“Oh my god, Pidge. That was awful”

“It wasn’t that awful. So, Hunk, you’re in snacks for the night. Lance is in charge of driving, and I’m in charge of the tech. What are we forgetting?”

“That we value our lives and don’t really want to do this?”

Pidge sank lower in her seat, a soft thud coming as Hunk gasped in pain

“What was that for?!”

“Being a chicken”

“I’m not a chicken”

“Are too...”

Picking up his fork, Lance calmly cut in on their fight

“Children, don’t make me seperate the pair of you. Hunk, you’re big, brave, and very manly. Pidge, you’re so fucking short you couldn’t even covertly kick him under the table. If we’re going out, I need to stop by home on the way. Blue needs her wet food for the night, and no, she’s not coming tonight. It’s going to storm as it is”

Crossing her arms, Pidge slumped back in her seat

“You just want to keep my Princess all to yourself. Hunk can leave his car here and we’ll take yours”

“I thought my house was too far away to visit?”

“It’s not when you’re the one driving. Hurry up and finish your pancakes, I wanna go already”

Lance looked down at the forkful he’d been about to load in his mouth, purposely cutting the stack in half to annoy Pidge. Scoffing down Sal’s pancakes was an insult to the man who’d made cigarette ash in pancakes edible. The lack of hygiene may have been another reason why the locals stayed away, but when you’re immortal, standards kind of went out the window

“Laaaaance. Nooo. What are you doing?”

“Enjoying my breakfast. Order another coffee... actually, order some warm milk, I can see you practically vibrating from the amount of caffeine in our bloodstream”

“I’ll have you know that the level of blood in my caffeine stream is just fine. Plus, you’re like the only person in the world who enjoys Sal’s pancakes!”

“Oi! I heard that, Katie Holt!”

Pidge ducked down further in her seat at Sal’s voice. A couple of regulars laughing at her embarrassment, as Pidge blushed

“Now look what you’ve done”

“Not my problem, Pidgeroonie”

“Watch your back, I’m going to get you tonight, then steal away Blue”

Lance shrugged, unfazed by her threat. Tonight would be another lame arse tour under the belt, the most exciting thing they could expect was some jump scare.

#accidentally started a new fic #klance #bottom Lance #mpreg #voltron

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superbataddicted · 4 years ago

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Superbat Week 2020

Day 1 (Jul 26) - Working Together

(Fluff & Fun)

The tension in the air was heavy and strained.

Bruce carefully examined the patient before barking out in a terse voice.

“Scalpel.”

And a gleaming blade was handed to him.

Teeth biting bottom lip, Bruce made several cuts while Clark watched on with bated breath.

“Needle.”

Bruce demanded and Clark jumped to obey his order. One was placed in his palm, already threaded with a length of string.

Holding it between his thumb and forefinger, Bruce began to sew, keeping the stitches neat and even as he closed the wound. With a final knot, he held the string taut while Clark snipped off the excess.

“Do you think it’s okay?” Bruce queried, needing some affirmation despite knowing that his surgery was spot-on.

Lips pursed, Clark scrutinzed the patient before clapping Bruce’s shoulder.

“Looks pretty neat to me so I’m sure he’ll be ok with it.”

Feeling much relieved, Bruce grasped Clark’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

“Wouldn’t have made it without you.”

And Clark smiled, his expression saying it all – that’s what he would do for Bruce.

Together, they hurried out of the Batcave and into the manor, Bruce carrying the patient in his arms.

Sneaking into Dick’s bedroom, they found the six-year-old fast asleep, worn out by a long bout of crying.

Heart aching at the sight of his son’s puffed eyes and tearful streaks, Bruce kissed his forehead gently. He then tucked the just mended teddy bear under Dick’s arm. The boy stirred, hugging the bear tighter but did not wake.

“Told you I’ll find Roosevelt” Bruce whispered as he pulled the blanket up.

“And your dad always keep his promises,” Clark murmured, smoothing out Dick’s hair before fixing his gaze on Bruce.

In the quiet dimness lit only by a night light, they stared at each other, eyes awash in emotions.

Bruce moved first, leaning in to kiss his dearest friend. And Clark returned the favour – warm and full of love.

“One more month...” Clark sighed, breath ghosting over Bruce’s lips when they parted.

“Yes, one month more,” Bruce smiled, fingers caressing Clark’s cheek.

One month to go and then the divorce would be done. Dick would finally be in his custody and Clark – always there, always waiting – they could finally be together, open and free.

(A case of Dick losing his security blanket – teddy bear Roosevelt – during their move back to Wayne Manor. And Bruce, together with Clark, managed to find it back. Unfortunately, the right limb was torn and Bruce tried his best to fix it up.)

(My 2nd year participating in Superbat Week. Last year, only did one day and this year hoping to do more.)

#superbatweek2020 #superbatweek #superbat #writer: batzmaru65 #clark kent x bruce wayne #superman x batman

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fieryhcart · 3 years ago

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✨ candice patton, cisfemale, she/her — whenever i see adelaide “addie” savoy meandering down agnes street growing pains by alessia cara starts to play inside my head. maybe it is the vibe they give off. overalls stained with paint, rustic sewing machines, band-aids and lollipops on her purse at all times ; you know ? artistic impressions is what keeps them interested in agnes. i heard they are a thirty-two year old b&b ower . they look like the kind of person who has it all figured out. // @agnesextra

TW: child neglect, abuse, arson.

‘ello chickens! it is i, g aka the dumb dumb behind alexander, once more bringing you a character nobody asked for but hopefully someone will love? she is my precious baby and i adore her so hopefully, she’ll find a home and a family here with all of you and your amazing characters. without further ado, i’ll introduce you to my baby, addie.

addie was born in peachtree, georgia as adelaide savoy dupont, daughter of a salesman/conman and an atlanta socialité who learned to be a scammer thanks to her husband and taught addie to be one as well from a very young age.

they part of the renown du pont family, so they p much lived like royalty for a good portion of addie’s life, even though her parents were never affectionate towards her and p much only used her whenever they needed something from her because no one suspected the little girl with the ponytails and sweet smile.

theodore michael savoy du pont, addie’s younger brother was born when Adelaide was around nine. their mother lost interest on teddy pretty quickly so addie pretty much raised the kid as well as she could after she turned thirteen and the two formed an unbreakable bond very quickly. the most their parents neglected them, the closer they got.

CHILD NEGLECT TW the worst instance of their parents neglecting both addie and teddy happened right after teddy turned 7. their friends and family found out about how the couple had played them and the savoy family lost all respect within the community, so they quickly started to go in debt with banks and strangers to try to live the life they were so used to. by this time, the matrimony had mostly forgotten their kids to the point where they stopped providing for them unless they needed adelaide for some job, so it was all addie’s responsibility to not only care for her brother but her parents somehow. she started working (an honest job) when she was fifteeen and never truly stopped.

ARSON TW when addie was seventeen, one year from graduating high school her parents made a decision: they needed money to pay off credit debts and alas, they needed to burn down the house the du ponts had bought for them down. when she heard about the plans, addie started to storage as many stuff as she could when she was informed of what was going to happen (was guilt-tripped into staying silent) and the night her parents actually burnt the house down, addie grabbed teddy, everything she had gathered, a car a friend had lend to her and fleed peachtree. the two siblings never look back.

in the next years, the savoy siblings lived in around eight different cities in the usa, where addie would work two, three jobs and sometimes homeschool teddy, since they moved a lot and couldn’t find schools for him.

when addie turned 18, she sued her parents and gained teddy’s custody, becoming his legal guardian and raising him as such, all by herself

the savoy siblings arrived to islesbury in 2015, when addie was 26 and teddy 16 after receiving an inheritance from the du pont. they bought a nice house in town and a bigger manor near the beach in shambles and worked to turn it into ALMOST HEAVEN INN, a b&b addie still manages to this day. she also makes all of her and some of teddy’s clothes (something she had to learn to do after their parents stopped providing for them), paints and sculpts.

when the two arrived to islesbury, addie met someone she completely fell in love with and within a year, the couple was already married (i already submitted the wc to main BUT PLEASE GIVE ME ADDIE’S SPOUSE I HAVE SO MANY IDEAS IN MIND) and raised teddy together for a year, until he started college.

he recently graduated as a vet, still lives with addie and her spouse and is addie’s biggest pride and joy.

most days, addie is one of the nicest people you’ll ever meet, the kind of girl who smiles at everyone she meets and greets strangers with a smile on the daily. she likes making people around her happy. she thrives when people around her shine.

however, she can be very closed off and go as far as to be very deceitful? I mean, she is sharp, even though people don’t think she is because they write her off as a “southern belle” type, but what most people don’t know is she can be cunning whenever she sets her mind on it, she learned from a very young age how to take advantage of everything she had to get what she had her mind settled on.

the one thing she cares the most about in the world is her brother. the boy is pretty much her own and has been since the day he was born, she would stop at nothing to make sure he is fine and he is happy.

her hobbies include painting and sculpting (which she makes some money off of), gardening (the Atkins sibling’s home is a glorified zen garden by now) and designing (she sometimes uses this skill to make clothes for selling to friends and acquaintances).

loyal to no end, good god. It takes a lot for her to feel comfortable with someone to call them her friend but once she does, she is the most loyal friend. also the mom friend, no matter how close you are. If it’s even a little bit chilly outside and she sees a stranger shivering she WILL give them her sweater, has medicine and candy on her at all times.

she can be quite impetuous and extremely curious to the verge of being noisy, but never in a malicious way, unless you mess with someone she cares about.

whatever you throw her way, she’ll land on her feet.

i’ll post her full bio later but please if anyone wants to plot with my baby, give this a like and i’ll come to you!

#agnesfm.intro

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