#this stupid fucker is going to POISON HIMSELF one day because he eats ANYTHING. hes CRAZY

[meowkusunoki]

if nobui was an animal she would be a gray tabby. specifically the gray tabby we have here at home because hes a MENACE and a STUPID IDIOT

[jackson--t]

Hate me, adore me.

Part IV

Summary: Ivar is not good with children.

Words: 3.1 k

Warnings: smut, swear words, rude behaviour, a lot of fucks (really).

Tag buddys: @youbloodymadgenius @jadelynlace @punkrocknpearls @neverwantedagony​ @moonlightsspirit​

AO3? here.

Ivar liked many things.

He liked to watch his basketball games on TV, along with a cold beer. He loved Game of Thrones with ramen in his bed, all Sunday long when he wasn't on duty. He loved chocolate ice cream, preferably with lots of colorful sprinkles on top - and he loved good sex.

But on this day, Ivar felt reminded once again of all the things that annoyed him terribly and that drove the absolutely annoyed wrinkles on his forehead already at 7 a.m.; it wasn't just Heahmund's know-it-all attitude, once again, when he had forced Ivar to fasten his seat belt while driving; or the fact that he had once again wanted to forbid him to chew gum. Ivar had ironcladly defied the gum rule: because he needed it. He needed it bitterly so as not to get too upset and to keep his mouth closed as best he could, to have something to do so as not to let expletives hail. Because one of the causes of his bad mood was just waddling across the street at super low speed and was caustic and annoying: children.

Ivar had always successfully avoided having to escort the little buggers across the street in the morning until now - but thanks to Heahmund's terrific, terrible effort and his disgusting good nature as Mr. Jesus, he had been forced to ride with Heahmund to the nearest elementary school even before he was actually on duty, and to go on duty as a fucking friend and helper. His mood was in the basement, more than that.

He cast a scowl down at a small, blond girl who was staring at him with wide eyes; she had her mouth slightly open and was still staring at him when Ivar had turned away slightly. When he noticed, he looked at the girl again; the little girl blinked.

"Are you a policeman? You don't look very nice, do you?" the little girl squeaked, and Ivar rolled his eyes. He loved his job because of the guns, because of the violence, because of the "don't give a shit" attitude he could let out to some - but today was a shitty day. And those little green poison dwarfs didn't make it any better.

Ivar stared at the girl for a moment, then let out a deep and annoyed snort. "Nah, I'm a garbage man, you little devil. Move along before I eat you up."

The girl stopped for a moment in shock, and when Ivar took a faked step towards her, she shrieked and ran towards Heahmund, who was standing just a few feet away, directing the children across the street with a broad smile. Urgh, Mister Perfect. Again.

"Ivar!" echoed over to him, and Ivar chewed his gum in annoyance. He threw Heahmund a rough nod, while the older policeman eyed him indignantly.

"What are you doing? You're not supposed to scare the kids!" he said reprovingly, turning directly back to the little girl who Ivar had scared earlier with a smile.

Ivar wrinkled his nose and crossed his arms in front of his chest. He still couldn't decide what made him feel sicker to his stomach: those little buggers, or that the critters worshipped Heahmund so much it almost looked like a scene from the damn Bible.

It seemed worlds between today and yesterday; endless, endless days since he'd had sex with Heahmund, and for the first time experienced a different side of the cop than his haloed nerd side. Ivar bit his lower lip softly at the thought of their "slip" and stared at Heahmund; he hated to admit it, but that encounter had left its mark on Ivar.

Of course, he would never confess it in his life, not even under torture: but he had easily fallen for Heahmund - at least the part that had fucked him mercilessly yesterday. It had been that unbelievably good sex, that passion that had been there between them - and that sheer tension that had existed between them for ages. They were like fire and water, like night and day - but that's what made it exciting for Ivar. He had almost not been able to look at himself in the mirror the next morning, because he had actually jerked off to that memory twice the night after the "accident" - always that perfect body in front of his eyes, that smell that had been on Heahmund's skin, those damn arousing kisses that had given Ivar more than goosebumps.

And yet he hated him, in a way. The way he stood there, bringing those fucked-up kids across the street, with an angelic smile that sent sheer goosebumps of horror across Ivar's skin; he could hardly stand the way the little fuckers looked at the man like he was the next messiah, while they just eyed Ivar like something they were afraid of. Ivar just stared at a fat kid who was eyeing him particularly challengingly as he jutted his chin slightly.

"What do you want, pug face, huh?" he snarled, and it wasn't a second before Heahmund's voice thundered across the street.

"IVAR, damn it! It’s enough!" Oh, Ivar heard the anger from the raspy voice, that little thread of last, polite restraint guaranteed to snap in the patrol car. He looked at Heahmund, unimpressed, and raised an eyebrow; Heahmund's blue eyes had darkened.

"Would be nice if you didn't play godfather to the fucking lambs for once, so we can get out of here," Ivar retorted snottily, while Heahmund snorted.

"Okay, get in the car. And don't use those damn swear words! Kids, don't listen to him. They call him the Grinch at the station." Heahmund deaclred, amused, while he was immersed in soft children's laughter.

Ivar had had enough. He threw his stupid ladle against the sidewalk and lit a cigarette; he walked the few meters to the patrol car and casually leaned against the passenger side. His lungs were burning, so hard he pulled on the cigarette - but he didn't care. Let the fucking Heahmund shut his fucking mouth! Had he possibly imagined that there was more going on there? Had he possibly jerked off twice on him by mistake? Yes. But that was really just a slip. It could hardly be anything else, after all Ivar didn't go for men like Heahmund. Fuck it, whatever his stupid heart said.

It wasn't fifteen minutes before Heahmund appeared at the patrol car with a more than angry expression on his face; he stared at Ivar for a moment, then nodded roughly in the direction of the car. Ivar flicked his cigarette onto a patch of grass and got in; as they sat in the car, their eyes met. For a moment there was a tense silence, during which Ivar calmly chewed his gum so clearly that Heahmund could see it perfectly; only when he leaned back slightly did Heahmund's deep voice murmur at him.

"Did you just throw a lit cigarette on a lawn there?" he asked, and Ivar looked out the window for a moment. He snorted softly before turning to Heahmund again and putting on a soft, overly friendly smile that was hard to beat for sarcasm.

"I don't know, you should check it out. And maybe pick up trash on the side, and you're guaranteed to go to fucking heaven."

Heahmund's brow furrowed slightly; Ivar saw exactly how his hands curled into light fists, but he returned Heahmund's angry look with the still wide grin.

"Ivar, honestly, you're such a fucking asshole, you know that? I really want to punch you in the face right now. You do realize that throwing away burning cigarettes violates environmental regulations, and most importantly, endangers safety?" he hissed, and Ivar shrugged.

Heahmund looked at him for a moment, then actually got up and went outside to properly dispose of the cigarette. Ivar, meanwhile, stared out the window: he looked at Heahmund's butt, at the broad shoulders, at the handsome face that seemed to curse softly. "You fucking nerd, look at you.", Ivar muttered to himself, catching himself biting his lower lip lightly as Heahmund ran his hand through his black hair: one had to hand it to him, he was just damn good looking.

Ivar was still staring at him, too, when Heahmund sat down next to him again and let out a deep sigh; he leaned his head back for a moment, though Ivar was still looking at him. Something tingled inside him.

"You could... hmm... you could punish me really bad under Section 17b, don't you think? You fucking nerd.", Ivar hummed softly; as Heahmund's blue eyes locked on him, he grinned slightly. And his body was bathed in sheer goosebumps when Heahmund finally turned the ignition key and snorted softly. Ivar knew he was taking him up on his offer when they drove into an area where there were almost no buildings - except abandoned factories. It was almost too good, the tingle that shot through his bones when Heahmund finally parked; and before the older cop could open his mouth and lecture again about any regulations, Ivar's hands had cupped around his face and he was kissing the older man, who, underneath all the hatred and dislike, also inspired terrible and urgent lust in him.

He couldn't even last two minutes in his own seat and had quickly sat down wide-legged on Heahmund's lap. The older cop emitted a slight gasp, almost barely audible, as Ivar's hands dug through his clothes, fumbling with the belt of his pants.

"You're insatiable. And a monster.", Heahmund groaned out between two biting kisses; his hand had long since made its way to Ivar's bulletproof vest, undoing the Velcro and pushing the soft shirt up under Ivar's vest. Ivar loved those warm, rough hands on his torso, and he let Heahmund feel it clearly with a soft moan. His fingers ran desirously urging along Heahmund's zipper on his pants, feeling the thick bulge in them that he was particularly lusting after. Fuck, he was so fucking hot for this guy it was almost embarrassing.

"No foreplay, you greedy grinch? Fuck, Ivar... at least with a condom this time!", Heahmund murmured softly, even though Ivar's hands were already pushing and softly rushing into his pants. When he had the thick and already hard cock in his hand, Ivar exhaled for a moment; he closed his eyes and pressed himself against Heahmund's torso before hissing softly, "Tell me, are you somehow only getting horny when you have protection? You want to maybe leave that fucking vest on during sex too, nerd?"

As Ivar intensified his movements on Heahmund's cock, Heahmund's pelvis clearly moved upward; Ivar sensed him looking at him and opened his eyes.

"Would it turn you on?" Heahmund murmured breathlessly; Ivar opened his lips breathlessly, moving his warm hand tighter and tighter around Heahmund's cock. He loved how the trained cop grew harder and harder, how wet drops of pleasure appeared on his tip, which Ivar easily wiped away with a slight gasp and a nimble movement with his thumb; Heahmund moaned, but they were still looking at each other.

The corners of Ivar's mouth lifted slightly, then he grunted. "Fuck, yeah."

"I knew it. Harder." Heahmund moaned, pulling Ivar's neck closer, covering his neck with warm, smooth, slightly biting kisses as Ivar's hand continued steadily. His own erection was pressing like mad against his pants, and Ivar was so incredibly hot for Heahmund that he didn't take any time. After all, a damn stake could flutter in at any moment.

He unzipped his own pants to the slight groan of Heahmund, pulling them down somewhat awkwardly along with his boxers to the point where he could still practically sit well on top of Heahmund; his body was covered in goosebumps as he watched Heahmund spit into his own hand in one fluid motion, wetting his hard cock with it. Ivar grinned slightly; he wet two of his fingers before sliding them into his entrance with a slightly awkward motion, widening it slightly; the sound that came from Heahmund sent pure pleasure through his body. The two looked at each other.

"Fuck, Ivar. You're such a fucking beast, I swear I'll fuck the hell out of you already."

"Oh, come on - you're into it. You probably only had 0815 cunts that looked pretty but had nothing on them."

Ivar almost whimpered when Heahmund abruptly stopped him from his movements; his fingers slipped out and he was pulled onto Heahmund's lap with a firm and strong grip; he placed himself over Heahmund's cock, moaning slightly as he looked into the dark-haired man's eyes.

"Then let's see how good you can ride, gutter boy!" Heahmund groaned; Ivar's fingers clawed brutally at Heahmund's chin, holding it up as he gently lowered his pelvis and let Heahmund's hard cock slide carefully inside him; he did it deliberately slowly, letting that rock-hard muscle stretch him open gently, loving the way Heahmund's mouth opened slightly, the way his fingers clawed harder into the flesh of his hips.

"Fuck, Ivar!" he moaned darkly, and Ivar jerked his chin up again that had turned shallowly towards his chest - those blue eyes staring at him full of fire.

"Don't call me that! You fucking bastard." Ivar hissed; he whimpered softly as he felt himself sink to the base on Heahmund; they were both breathing heavily, and Ivar pulled Heahmund's face closer to him, pulling the older cop into a biting, hard kiss before slowly moving up and down.

Fuck, damn. It hadn't been enough that Heahmund had been an absolute grenade in bed the last time, no - his cock just seemed made for Ivar's core. It was perfect in thickness, and even more perfect in length, that it was already softly grazing the soft bundle of nerves inside Ivar with every deep movement Ivar made on it. Ivar swallowed audibly and clawed at the back of Heahmund's neck; he loved feeling the pressure of Heahmund's hands on his body, loved the fucking vest he was still wearing, which only further vocalized his fucking nerdiness, which seduced Ivar beyond belief. His movements became steadier, more violent, and he became more and more breathless.

Oh man, this was going to end in an orgasmic disaster. Heahmund was just too good.

They kissed breathlessly, and Heahmund's hands slid up to Ivar's waist; they closed warmly around the arches of his ribs, supporting him in the movements that were becoming more fluid and deeper, even as they took away Ivar's breath. His belly was pleasantly filled with warmth, so full of feeling.

"We can...fuck, Ivar!- ...we could maybe discuss the punishment thing over an evening...dinner. Fuck, you're killing me," Heahmund cursed, and Ivar threw his head back slightly.

He knew he wouldn't last long - but he would definitely not get ahead of Heahmund this time. He knew too many tricks in this position for that. He smiled softly as he let his entrance twitch slightly around the thick cock; it drove a moan from Heahmund's lips.

"Is that a fucking date, Heahmund?" Ivar exhaled, clawing harder at the base of Heahmund's black hair on the back of his neck. The older cop underneath him groaned, and his hands at his waist twitched. Ivar repeated the motions twice before Heahmund threw his head back slightly in his seat.

"Is...no, this is an...on-duty...fuck!... meeting”. Heahmund's voice grew harsher, thirstier, Ivar heard it clearly. It turned him on so much that he himself had to be beastly careful not to come right on top of that hard cock thrusting into his prostate at the perfect angle over and over again; but he was too proud. He held out for a little while longer. But the thought that Heahmund had just asked him for a private meeting chased even more lust into his body.

He was hot, so damn hot inside.

"Sure, you weirdo." Ivar hummed with pleasure, soaking in the taste of another kiss that Heahmund breathlessly gave him; his hands weren't letting go now, and the cop's pelvis thrusting from below was getting a little faster. When their lips parted, Heahmund opened his eyes slightly, seeking Ivar's gaze.

"Fuck, I think I..." he groaned, and Ivar moaned.

"You're coming, aren't you? Come on, you know I want you to...", Ivar breathed against those fucking delicious lips, stealing a breathless kiss before watching Heahmund's eyes close with a powerful wave of heat in his body.

"Fuck, I'm coming..." the cop moaned so harshly that Ivar moaned softly; he clawed at Heahmund's body as tightly as he could, wrapping his heated arms tightly around the body, almost amazed, manically turned on, at how quickly it made Heahmund come, that simple touch.

The man groaned a dark moan right at Ivar's sensitive collarbone, deep and rough as he came jerking inside Ivar. Ivar continued to ride him, riding him hard and demanding until he too felt the violent crashing peak of his orgasm: the wave of pleasure crashed over him so brutally that he had to stop his riding movements to avoid losing control completely. Just like the first time, this orgasm tore out something deep inside Ivar, gave him everything he needed, nourished him with so much love and lust that he almost choked on it.

The windows were fogged the hell up when Ivar broke away from Heahmund after what felt like an eternity; they were able to wipe away the mess they'd both made just fine, because of course the nerdy Heahmund had good tissues with him; Ivar grunted quietly and had to grin a little wryly when Heahmund had to spend a long time wiping at a stain on his black vest, with a quiet, annoyed snort.

"You can tell it's gravy," Ivar said, earning a nasty look from Heahmund after he luckily managed to remove the stain just fine; when Ivar was back in his seat and, to Heahmund's satisfaction, even buckled up for once, Heahmund looked over at him. The two looked at each other, and then Heahmund smiled slightly.

It was a beautiful smile, one that Ivar hadn't seen from him before, and one that made him feel sick in a different way than he did on the road today. As if suddenly, there was something in his belly that fluttered around like crazy and made him almost happy inside. Disgustingly happy.

"I was serious about the... dinner." Heahmund said; the blue eyes sparkled slightly, and Ivar grinned a little wider. He couldn't go soft now, no way - Heahmund couldn't score points everywhere with his nerdy, gentlemanly behavior, after all. "Maybe we'll get along better someday. Get to know each other better." the dark-haired man added, and Ivar turned his head slightly so that Heahmund wouldn't see him blush slightly on his cheeks. He popped a new piece of gum into his mouth and winked.

"Shut up and drive, you miserable nerd. You won't get the Nobel Peace Prize for polishing, too."

But his heart had already said yes, and he also knew, without looking over, that Heahmund knew, too.

[spidercakes]

How about Mob Boss!Tony sees pretty boy Peter being harrassed and decides to protect him? Maybe with soft dom Tony and praise kink?

Oh, I love this shit! Nothing gets me like some mob boss stuff. Trope-y as hell but I’m here for it every damn time. The praise kink and soft dom stuff is way more subtle, but its a little bit there!

Warnings for some references to abuse, age difference, and feminization of Peter (which at this point like... duh lmao).

*

It isn’t that Tony has a conscience, really. He doesn’t, never really has outside of his own self interest and the interest of the few people close to him but he doesn’t suffer abusers lightly. Fucking scum of the earth, they are, and Tony has no problem killing them off if given the opportunity. As it is this one is lucky he’s in public or he would have pulled the trigger a long time ago. Bastard has the balls to look pissed off about being interrupted too, and the poor kid behind him is clinging to his suit jacket for dear life.

“I suggest you fuck right off,” Tony tells him, tone leaving no room for debate but this asshole just doesn’t seem to know when to leave well enough alone.

“Oh fuck off, if you were going to pull the trigger you would have,” the guy says and Tony shakes his head.

Fucking moron. “Yeah, not true,” he says and lowers the gun. “I was just avoiding this because I don’t like cops,” he says and he shoots the asshole in the leg. Behind him the kid jumps, letting out a small whimper as, presumably anyway, his boyfriend lets out a loud shriek. “Yeah, not so tough now are you, asshole? Now get the fuck out of my sight before I shoot you in the head,” Tony tells him. Fucker makes a pitiful attempt to crawl off but Tony’s got no time for that so he turns around to check out the kid.

Poor thing looks terrified and Tony sighs. “Hey, its okay,” he murmurs softly, reaching out and the kid presses himself back into the wall of the ally they’re in. Tony doesn’t have much time so he’s got to solve this problem fast. “Relax,” he tells the kid, “I’m not going to hurt you. Only hurt him because he didn’t much leave a choice, wouldn’t have left until I did.”

The kid is still wide eyed and terrified but he’s calmed a small fraction so that’s improvement. Not enough, but something nonetheless. “Wh- why’d you help me?” he asks and oh, perfect opening.

Its not that he likes revealing personal information about himself, but as far as personal details this is his worst kept secret. Anyone who’s spent more than ten minutes with him knows how much he hates his father. “My father was an abusive piece of shit. I’ve got no patience for that and no qualms with giving people like that a taste of their own medicine,” he says, shrugging. He knows the kid believes him, probably because its hard to fake the kind of venom that coats his words and the kind of pain that always makes it to his features no matter how hard he tries to hide it.

The kid unflattens himself from the wall so there’s that. One step down, one to go. “Will he be okay?” Peter asks, looking around the dumpster for his boyfriend. Tony will give him this, he has made it quite a distance.

“Probably,” he lies. Wound like that he’s going to need to be looked at soon, but if he dies its going to be slow. Fucker earned it, treating what looks to be a soft, perfect kid like this one up. Though he supposes he’s not much of a kid, young for sure, but in his twenties if Tony were to guess. He’s got a baby face though, looks a bit younger than Tony suspects he is.

“What’s your name, kid?” he asks, nickname slipping out.

“Peter, and I’m twenty three. Why does everyone always assume I’m a kid?” he mumbles more to himself than Tony.

“Tony,” he says and he reaches out, carefully tilting Peter’s head to the side and sighing. “He did a number on you, hmm. Why don’t you come home with me, let me clean you up?” he asks.

He fully expects the kid to say no but he nods slowly. “Okay,” he murmurs, hands wringing together and Tony sighs.

“You too afraid to go home?” he asks and Peter nods slowly.

Well, that solves that. “Okay. Come on, you can go home when you feel safe,” he says. Its kind of a lie kind of not. Tony doesn’t want to have to keep the kid, he’s not much for kidnapping people who aren’t pieces of shit or people who aren’t blocking his business, but the kid has seen too much to let go and he knows Nat and Pepper will fight him on letting him roam free. He might be able to talk them into it though, and the kid must be some fucking scared to take going home with a stranger who just shot his boyfriend over home. Makes Tony hate the fucker crawling down the alley more but he suspects Peter wouldn’t be impressed if Tony shot him in the head anyway.

*

Peter is sitting with a cup of hot tea in his hand and he knows that Tony is dangerous, no one shoots someone with that little hesitation who isn’t dangerous. But he’s gentle as he wipes the blood away from Peter’s split lip, fingers brushing lightly against his cheek as he examines Peter’s face. Its not too bad this time, he’s dealt with worse but he still feels sore and battered. Tony carefully presses a cotton ball to his lip and he winces, hissing lightly and Tony lets out a soft sigh. “Shh, you’re doing so well. I’m almost done,” he murmurs, fingers moving softly across his cheek again and Peter relaxes some, sitting still as Tony continues to clean him up.

When Tony finally sits back Peter feels exhausted. The adrenaline rush has fallen and he just wants to sleep even if his brain is ringing alarm bells. So this guy is a probably psychopath, at least he only seems to have a thing for shooting abusers so Peter isn’t really in any danger.

Well, okay, that’s not really how anything at all works but Tony has been nice to him this whole time so shooting Quent aside he’s actually an improvement over his previous home life. Peter thinks that’s sad, that some random guy who shot someone is better than Quent. And Peter doesn’t even like guns, never really had but especially not since his uncle got killed in a robbery gone wrong. What the hell has his life turned into?

“You want to go to bed?” Tony asks, guessing at his thoughts and Peter considers it for a long moment before he nods. On one hand this is bound to go horribly, Tony shot someone earlier. On the other hand Tony hasn’t shown any signs of shooting him so maybe he’ll be able to at least get a good night’s sleep before its back to his regularly scheduled nightmare.

“Hey, shh. Its okay Peter, I’m not going to hurt you. Come on,” he says, offering his hand. Peter debates on not taking it but he does maybe out of curiosity or maybe something else. He’s never really been good at making not shitty life choices, his friends can attest to that. Tony carefully pulls him up, allowing Peter to move at his own pace as he leads him down the hall. When they get to the room Peter supposes he’ll be sleeping in he’s surprised at the size of the bed. He shouldn’t be, the whole house is massive, but it still throws him off. “Go on, its okay,” Tony tells him, giving him a gentle nudge forward. “No one is going to bother you in here.”

Peter takes a few steps in, grip on his tea a little tighter before he turns around to face Tony. “Thank you,” he says softly.

Tony shakes his head, “its nothing. Get some sleep,” Tony tells him.

*

When Peter wakes up the next day he feels more refreshed than he has in a long, long time. Probably the fact that the bed is so comfortable. He debates on staying there longer because he’s not stupid, he walked right out of one lions den straight into another and he doesn’t know what Tony’s deal is but he watched him shoot someone. He doesn’t think he’s allowed to just go. Not, he thinks, that he wants to right now because if Quent managed to make it to the hospital he’s some pissed and Peter doesn’t want to deal with that.

But he should at least deal with something so he carefully pulls himself out of bed and pads his way to the door. He pauses there for a moment before he takes a deep breath and exits the room. Nothing seems particularly amiss minus the smell of food and Peter’s stomach growls, reminding him that he hasn’t eaten since yesterday afternoon. He hopes he’s actually allowed to eat because whatever that is smells good.

He follows his nose to the kitchen and finds Tony there with a spatula in his hand and its such a weird contrast to his suit. Its a nice suit too, the kind that only people with a lot of money can afford. “Hungry?” Tony asks, brown eyes alight as he looks over at Peter. The tension in his body leaves and he pads closer to see what Tony’s cooking. “Hope you’re not a vegetarian,” Tony says, looking down at the food. “Or a vegan,” he adds, eyeing the eggs.

Peter laughs a little, “nah, I’ll eat pretty much whatever. You don’t seem like the kind of guy who knows how to cook,” he says and Tony makes an offended noise, pressing his hand to his chest in mock offense.

“I will have you know- actually you’re pretty much right. I’m Italian, so food is pretty important to my family, but fuck it took me like ten years to figure out how to boil water without blowing something up. My grandfather told me I was a disgrace to my culture at least twice a week until a friend of mine pointed out that cooking is just edible chemistry and I’m good at that,” he says. “Seemed a lot less daunting after that and I do fine now.”

Yeah, so Peter can smell. “Hmm. I never really had a hard time with it,” he says. Cooking came easy, baking came easier not that he had much of a choice. May had to work plenty and if he didn’t know how to cook that either left him to figure it out or starve.

Tony smiles a little, “bragger,” he says, eyes crinkling at the edges and Peter knows he shouldn’t think he’s as attractive as he is but he’s only human and he’s got eyes. Tony is gorgeous, if clearly hiding a dark side. Kind of like all those colorful frogs in rainforests, they’re really pretty to look at but poisonous. Which is exactly Peter’s type and he really should examine why he has the worst taste known to man in men. Women? He has better luck there even if they tend to have insane fathers to low-key try to kill him like that one time with Liz. To be fair she wasn’t impressed about that either, hasn’t spoken to her father in years. But he doesn’t seem to have the best luck in finding people he thinks are attractive and also aren’t some kind of fucked up or related to someone who is some kind of fucked up.

“Just saying, some of us don’t somehow manage to blow up water,” Peter says, teasing a little and he kind of hopes he doesn’t get shot about it. Quent doesn’t really take any kind of teasing well but damn well expects to be able to say whatever the hell he wants to Peter.

Tony doesn’t react like that at all though, he laughs and shakes his head. “Someone isn’t as creative in the kitchen as me. I take it your feeling better, then?” he asks and Peter nods.

“Your bed is really comfortable.” The softest thing Peter has ever slept in, that’s for sure and after an absolutely insane night it was nice to have somewhere to crash.

He gets a small smile from Tony before he’s shooed to the island in the kitchen with a plate of food. Peter all but actively vacuums it off his plate, unaware of just how hungry he was until he started to eat. “Wow, little young even for you,” someone new says and Peter frowns, mouth full of food.

“Oh shut up, Nat. He’s twenty three,” Tony mumbles, rolling his eyes at the stunning redhead who has just entered the kitchen.

She looks him up and down, “did you verify that on his I.D?”

“Oh my god, I don’t even look that young!” Peter says, annoyed. He doesn’t, he looks his own damn age people are just rude.

“You look like you’re twelve,” the redhead, Nat Peter supposes, says.

Peter glowers, “maybe you should get your eyes checked,” he mumbles and Tony lets out a loud snort, earning a glare from Nat.

“What the hell did you bring home and what did you do to him?” she asks.

Peter doesn’t expect the sudden mood change as Tony whips around to give Nat a vicious look. He lets out a small noise of surprise involuntarily and Nat frowns a little, confused and a little concerned but evidently not afraid. Peter thinks she should be with the way Tony is looking at her. “I didn’t do anything to him,” he snaps, “that’s the condition I found him in.”

Its obvious that Nat clues into something Peter misses and if he thought that story about his father being abusive was fake, which he didn’t, he extra didn’t now. Its pretty obvious Tony didn't appreciate the accidental comparison, if he’s generous about describing Tony’s reaction. “You can’t just bring home strays,” Nat tells him.

“Well I did and he’s fine. He’s pretty funny actually, and he’d probably be a lot prettier if his shit stick of an ex didn’t bruise his face,” he says, sparing Peter a soft glance and he needs to get his god damn head checked because he shouldn’t feel a small bit of pride at that. God, has living with Quent for so long really left him this starved for positive attention? Peter kind of hates him, for just a moment, before the spark of anger fades into general dismissal. He’s just too tired to give a shit about Quent anymore.

“Put him back where you found him,” Nat tells him.

Tony flips her off instead of responding.

*

Its not exactly like Tony really meant to keep Peter, its just that he never really went home and someone had to buy him clothes because he couldn’t walk around wearing dirty alley clothes forever, and obviously he needed new shoes, and Tony genuinely didn’t intend on keeping him around. He’d sort of expected to have some type of moral dilemma in which he had to figure out what the hell to do with him given that he can’t reasonably let him go and he wasn’t about to keep Peter against his will either but that’s not what happened.

Instead Peter takes to him nicely and Tony’s always been a real sucker for the curious ones. Pepper tells him he’s always wanted someone to worship him but that sure shit isn’t true, if it was they never would have been married for seven years but she claims they divorced because she’s not exactly the worshiping type. Neither is Peter but he doesn’t feel the need to fill her in on all the quirks of Peter’s personality that he doesn’t show to anyone else. He likes having what feels a bit like secret access to Peter’s life and its clear Peter gets a thrill out of it too.

Like first of all he’s so not as sweet and innocent as he looks and that’s probably his favorite thing about Peter, the way he seems to be able to hide so much behind a pretty face, a face that looks young. There are drawbacks though and Tony is trying his best to not be annoyed with Peter at the moment because he’s decided to sit in his lap in an outfit that should be illegal while he toys with Tony’s tie and he knows that Tony’s neck is sensitive.

He tries to shoo Peter off but Peter smacks his hand, giving him a dirty look and the little fucker. Tony presses his phone to his shoulder to muffle the noise and sighs. “Peter, be good,” he says. Its usually enough to get him to stop his shit, Tony figured out pretty early on that he’s got a thing for praise and Tony has always been fond of handing out compliments, assuming the person he’s handing them to has earned them.

No such luck this time though as Peter leans in, hands wrapped around his tie and Tony isn’t usually fond of mint green as a color but it looks pretty on Peter’s nails. “No, you’ve been in here all day,” he says, whines almost and Tony shouldn’t find that endearing either. Usually he finds that kind of thing irritating as hell, he doesn’t really do high maintenance but he can’t help but love Peter, has almost since he first saw him.

“I have things to do, you know that,” Tony tells him, free hand settling on his thigh.

Peter huffs, “yeah, me. I’m stuff, hang up,” he tells Tony, tugging at his tie a little. 

Oh, that’s more than a little tempting but Tony actually does have shit to do. He doesn’t exactly like dealing with Rogers, never has on account of he finds the guy to be a pompous self righteous asshole but they do have a problem with HYDRA attempting a quiet attempt to squeeze them both out. And if there’s anything they hate more than each other its fucking Nazis. They might actually land higher on Tony’s shit list than abusers so he’s not fucking fond of finding them all over Manhattan. 

Rogers seems to be finding them at alarming rates in Brooklyn too and he’s got less patience for Nazis than Tony, which is almost a little impressive. So they figured they might as well make a temporary agreement, get rid of the fuckers once and for all and Peter, for all his temptation, is not quite as pressing as this. But he also happens to know when Peter’s in a mood, little brat, he won’t just go away.

So he figures he’ll bargain. “Peter,” he says, hand sliding a little higher on his thigh. “If you’re good we’ll do whatever you want, just us,” he tells him.

Peter’s eyes light up as he leans in, “can we go a week in Italy?” he asks and its the largest thing he’s ever asked for. Usually he hesitates to ask for even the small things and fuck sakes, Tony can’t say no to that, Peter will never ask for anything ever again.

He squeezes Peter’s thigh, “sure. If you’re good,” he says and presses the phone back to his ear. Peter releases his tie and squirms a little on Tony’s lap, earning a look for it but Peter shrugs innocently like its a total accident that his ass is right over Tony’s dick. It isn’t and they both know it but Peter settles in, remaining still with Italy on the line. Nat and Pepper so won’t be impressed with him ditching them with HYDRA but Natasha has never minded killing anyone Nazi or not and Pepper is probably more competent with the business side of things than him anyway, he figures he’ll leave things in good hands and if Rogers whines he knows he’s all about family. Can’t possibly complain when Tony’s taking time for his without looking like an asshole about it.

[stevebillyrecs]

Summer of ‘85 Fic Recs

If you live in the northern hemisphere and are anything like me, you’re starting to really miss summer right about now! Or maybe you hate the heat, and want to experience it only from a distance by reading about it in your safe, cool living room. Or hey, maybe you’re only in it for the lifeguard crop tops, sailor shorts, and ice cream licking, that’s valid, too. In any case, I’m here to interrupt the Halloween mood with some sweet, sticky summer fun (or summer angst, or summer smut)!

Included: fics featuring Scoops, Starcourt Mall, Hawkins Community Pool, the Fourth of July, and other summer shenanigans. Not included: fics dealing with all the other stuff that happened in S3, recovery fics, fics set after the epilogue or outside of Hawkins.

35 fics under the cut – happy reading!

Salted Caramel (And Other Flavors) by kate_button / @un-buttoned (3k, E)

Billy’s all tan and smug and shitty and Steve has. Feelings about it. He’s not too happy about it - Billy’s kind of a dick. And Steve can’t stop thinking about the way he smells. It’s a Problem.

there’s something about a sailor by gothyringwald / @gothyringwald​ (1k, E)

Billy gets Steve to leave the sailor hat on.

bloom by crappyfriday / @softloucre (20k, NR)

In a small town in Indiana, two boys spend the summer listening to music, eating summer fruits, smoking weed, and falling in love with each other. Vignettes throughout the summer of ‘85.

so many ways to talk about longing by lymricks / @lymricks (3k, M)

Steve wakes up–in a pool lounger–to Billy Hargrove looming over him. Billy pushes his sunglasses down and Steve thinks sleepily that it must be so that Steve gets the full impact of Billy’s narrow-eyed glare. “Harrington,” Billy says. “We’re fucking closed.” (or, three times Billy doesn’t let Steve touch the radio and one time he kind of does).

Bright by Kerasines / @kerasines (10k, E)

Steve’s face looks golden in the light of the setting sun, and when he drops his eyes from where he was holding Billy’s gaze, his eyelashes paint shadows on the light flush of red in his cheeks. He looks so fucking pretty that Billy’s breathless with it. Doesn’t know what to do, just holds still and can’t tear his eyes from his face as Steve leans in close, too close, to put lotion onto the front of his shoulders, rubbing it in carefully, so carefully, as if he’s trying not to hurt Billy. Touching Billy’s chest, staring at it where it rises with every shallow breath under Steve’s hands. Then he looks up, straight into Billy’s eyes, and Billy’s sure his brain stops working for a second.

Cherry by LazyBaker / @granpappy-winchester (WIP, 33k, E)

They’ve got ten minutes before Steve’s break is up and he has to go back to wishing for death with a smile.

I Like The Way You Look At Me by XxmerthurcatxX / @callmelilyshameless (800, T)

Steve stares a lot. Billy doesn’t mind.

No Running At The Pool! by Thei / @ihni (2k, NR)

“So”, she said, faux-casually, and thus sending a chill down everyone’s spines, “what you’re saying is that you care about us?” “No”, he said gruffly. “I said that you’re not drowning on my watch. I’m a lifeguard. It’s my job. If you’re gonna drown, do it in your own time.” Another smile, sweet like poisoned honey. “But this is our own time. And you’re off duty.”

Those American Thighs by Veeebles (2k, E)

He smokes the rest of Steve’s cigarette, tosses the butt away into the trees and lounges down beside him. Steve is still just sitting there, staring at how Billy stretches his body out, arms behind his head as he bathes in the sun. Those swim shorts should be illegal. They pull tight over his skin, leave absolutely nothing to the imagination where his dick is concerned, and barely reach past his mid-thigh.

something good right now by Highsmith / @rhubarbdreams (1k, M)

When Billy’s skin is almost feverishly hot from the sun, Steve’s fingertips touch his freckles like they’d touch the inside of him, carefully and longingly.

The Drowning of Will Byers by hoppnhorn / @hoppnhorn (2k, M)

Billy never imagined working as a lifeguard would mean actually saving a life.

spark to a flame by gothyringwald / @gothyringwald (1k, T)

Billy’s stomach swoops. He can’t believe he’s holding hands with Steve Harrington, watching fireworks over the quarry. It’s so stupid and girly and…and…fucking romantic.

Buckle (When You Think of Me) by trashcangimmick / @trashcangimmick (4k, E)

Billy doesn’t really ask. He just kind of does stuff. Steve is apparently filthy enough to be cool with it.

cherry pie by brawlite / @brawlite & ToAStranger / @toast-ranger-to-a-stranger (133k, E)

Billy Hargrove lives for summer. Endless sunshine, heavily chlorinated pools, roaming ice cream trucks, and unencumbered freedom? There’s nothing better. Even being stuck in Hawkins can’t ruin the summer for him. He eats it up, devouring every day whole.

A Day at the Fair by LazyBaker / @granpappy-winchester (500, G)

It’s pink. It’s a flamingo.

You Got That Hair Slicked Back (and Those Wayfarers On) by moonflowers / @eatingmoonflowers (4k, M)

Five times Billy knows Steve is hiding something, and one time he finds out what it is.

you (FINALLY) rule by brutesa / @brutesa (3k, G)

“Ahoy, ladies!” Steve calls out when a group of girls enter the shop. Behind him, Robin rolls her eyes, picking up the whiteboard marker.

and you’re trying not to tell him by lymricks / @lymricks (3k, M)

Whatever. They don’t talk, is the point, and Billy doesn’t need to finish all these big, deep, tragic sentences in his head. He needs to know if Harrington can’t swim. For lifeguard reasons. It’s his job, all right?

I’m so bad, best that you’ve had by kate_button / @un-buttoned (4k, E)

Steve doesn’t like mustaches. Billy grows one because he’s Like That. Steve bitches about it. A lot. Until he doesn’t.

Turned Bitch by LazyBaker / @granpappy-winchester (2k, E)

Steve’s rock bottom has a name—Billy Hargrove.

ice ice baby by hoppnhorn / @hoppnhorn (1k, E)

“It’s just so hot out here.” And then the fucker takes the ice cube, rolls it down his chin, along his neck, and down to his collarbone. “I need something to cool off.” Steve usually would suggest using the pool sitting less than a few feet away. But he’s not that incredibly thick. He knows a game when he sees one, and he’s not about to give Billy any reason to stop putting that ice cube where Steve wants his tongue to go.

something happens and i’m by brawlite / @brawlite (10k, E)

Billy loves his job as at the Hawkins Community Pool. It’s even better now that Steve Harrington’s a lifeguard, too.

Scoops by itscrybabyharrington / @itscrybabyharrington (1k, E)

Steve presses his face against the cool lid of the ice cream freezer, watching the metal fog up with each gasp that slips from his mouth. It feels good against his overheated skin, a contrast to the solid wall of heat that is Billy pressed up behind him, fucking into him with enough force Steve finds himself lifting up on his tippy toes trying to squirm away. Or, Billy fucks Steve with an ice cream scoop.

I Couldn’t Help It, It Had To Be You by moonflowers / @eatingmoonflowers (4k, T)

Determined to overcome a summer of boredom and too much ice cream, Steve joins the Hawkins running group. Unfortunately, it turns out the secondary purpose of said group is for the ladies of Hawkins to gush about the effect Billy Hargrove is having on their rosebushes. But maybe if Steve wasn’t so busy being offended by Hargrove’s mere existence, he’d realise he’s completely missing the point.

Holy Shit! by harleygirl2648 / @somebodyhelpthenotdeadfreds (2k, T)

There’s no swearing on duty, even if those are the only words that apply to a sudden realization that is going to ruin/better your entire summer.

Back Atcha, Pretty Boy by XxmerthurcatxX / @callmelilyshameless (2k, E)

Steve goes to the pool to pick up the kids still in his Scoops Ahoy uniform and is less than thrilled to find out that Billy is the new Hawkins Pool lifeguard. Honestly, who thought putting Billy in those tiny ass swim trunks was a good idea? It was doing things to Steve’s brain that he’d rather not think too hard about. But he doesn’t have to worry since it seems like Billy is pretty taken with Steve’s sailor uniform…

Hopeless by LazyBaker / @granpappy-winchester (400, G)

Steve Harrington has chest hair.

wicked little town by gothyringwald / @gothyringwald (20k, E)

The summer after graduation stretches before Steve, seemingly endless and utterly empty. He can’t remember ever being this bored in his life. But when he runs into Billy one night, after hearing a rumour about him at a party, it feels like summer might not be so boring after all.

Tacky Tattoos and Red Trunks by mAadMax / @c0bblenygma (2k, E)

Steve keeps hearing about Billy’s new tattoo and can’t help but being curious about it.

Billy, Steve, Robin and the Not-Obsession by williamastankova / @samaraclegane (3k, G)

In a nutshell, Billy is convinced Steve and Robin are secretly dating (even though they’re really, really not) and it starts to get on their nerves - especially Steve’s.

A Simple Plan by flippyspoon / @flippyspoon​ (5k, T)

Billy has a plan. Steve hanging out at the pool is definitely not a part of it.

Lets hear it for the boy! by nipsu / @nipsus (1k, T)

It’s raining and without thinking Billy gives Steve a ride home. Steve’s shirt is see through and Billy drools like a baby.

You Are What You Eat by XxmerthurcatxX / @callmelilyshameless (800, T)

Steve eats a banana. Billy likes it. A lot.

Won’t You Lay Me Down in Tall Grass (and Let Me Do My Stuff) by moonflowers / @eatingmoonflowers (6k, T)

Fourth of July BBQ at the Byers’. Billy takes out a demodog with a lawn chair while wearing red speedos and smoking a cigarette. Other things happen too, but that’s a highlight.

Ocean of Flavor by itscrybabyharrington / @itscrybabyharrington (700, G)

Billy shouldn’t even be back here, if they get caught it would only add on to the multitude of reasons Steve should rightfully be fired.

[fandom-necromancer]

905. Why are you constantly carrying that thing around with you?

And another number 905 for the wonderful @markusandkaraandconnor! Thanks for prompting and enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Reed900 (Warnings: Racism against Androids in the first two paragraphs)

‘Look at them… Damn android fuckers start to sprout like weeds everywhere!’ Gavin tried to filter it all out and enjoy the evening, but with them not even trying to keep it down to a whisper, that wasn’t really possible. ‘I mean look at that shit. Wine-flavoured Thirium? What the hell. As if these things would know the difference. How did they even test it? The stuff would be poisonous for humans anyway.’ Gavin stared down on his plate, only looking up to awkwardly smile at Nines, whose LED was at a steady red. He hadn’t looked their way yet, but from the corner of his eyes he saw them sitting at a table for two, much like him and Nines. This time the second person spoke up: ‘Look at the guy. Of course, he settled for a machine. With a face like that only an android could love you.’ Gavin sank further down into his seat, trying to gulp down a bit of his food, that only tasted like ashes now. Nines instead straightened his spine and fixed the pair. Two men, both human, wearing formal clothes. From facial structures alone the android detected a 73% chance they were brothers. ‘Would it be too much to ask that you keep your voice down, so we both could enjoy our meals in peace?’, he asked, keeping up the ever-polite outer shell to disguise his building rage.

Gavin was thankful to have him. Were he alone he had long taken their respective dishes and clubbed them to unconsciousness with them. And that was still well within the realm of possibilities as politeness just wouldn’t make them stop. ‘Oh, what? Did we hurt your feelings? Do you even have them?’ ‘Look at that red light. Goddamn thing needs a mood-light to emote, of course it has no feelings.’ Gavin clenched his teeth and laid down fork and knife not to attack the two with it if they only took so much as another breath his direction. ‘Hey! Hey, you! Yeah, I’m speaking to you, android-fucker. Does he do the windows-error noise when orgasm?’

‘Let’s go, Nines’, Gavin pressed through gritted teeth. ‘Detective, I don’t think that is nec-‘ ‘Nines. Let’s go.’ The android only ever called him by his title when in distress. Gavin knew they had to move now if they wanted to avoid this ending in a fight. And he wanted to avoid that, if not to stay out of a fight then to avoid the police being called and him explaining to his colleagues what had happened. ‘…Fine’, Nines nodded stiffly, standing up and putting on his jacket before walking around the table helping Gavin into his. ‘Aww, it seems they want to figure that one out right away’, one of them giggled and Gavin snapped. ‘You two are complete and utter assholes who don’t deserve my time, but I have you know that any organic you may have phcked or – if you are even capable of that – loved, won’t ever be fit to hold a candle to my partner. I surely hope you die alone in a cold, dark alleyway and that I don’t have to work on that case then. Thanks for ruining our evening.’ He had spoken in a cold, deadpan tune, while reaching over to the salt and decorating their respective meals with a generous amount of it. ‘Enjoy yours.’ With that he marched out, Nines following close.

They drove home in silence, Gavin only now calming down. He had his damn share of these people in his life already and he knew getting angry about it wouldn’t help. But he would be damned if he didn’t stand up for his partner. Nines didn’t deserve these sorts of comments. He hadn’t done anything wrong, Gavin being his first and most likely only love. Gavin would have accepted it if it was just on his person, he had phcked up numerous times already, had accepted and was happy to be alone forever until half a year ago. But not Nines. Never Nines.

He had hoped the android would have calmed down, too. But once they entered their home and Gavin had closed the door, Nines exploded. ‘Damn humans! Why would they do that? It had been a nice evening! Why would anyone have the desire to ruin someone else’s life this way? I can’t even begin to understand it. I-I-‘ Static mixed in with his voice and Gavin could only look at him in shock. ‘Gavin, I love you a lot and my feelings are real. Please believe me.’ There was a desperate, pleading look on his face he would never be able to forget, and it could as well have been a physical knife pushed into his heart and twisted around because this? This shit hurt.

‘Nines! Nines, don’t. Don’t say things like that, don’t let this get to you. Of course, you have feelings, of course you love me. I know that. I love you too. You are the best thing to ever happen to me! Please, forget their stupid comments. They mean nothing!’ ‘But they are right. I am a thing. I can’t know if flavoured thirium tastes like the real thing. Me acting like a human is just an act. I am a machine and nothing I do will ever change that.’ ‘Do you think that matters to me?’, Gavin asked, reaching out to hold Nines’ trembling hands. ‘Do you think it matters to me how human you are? Take this today as an example of how shitty humans can be. I don’t love you for your ability to taste food you can’t even eat. I love you for that weird look you gave me when we first tried flavoured thirium-drinks. That expression was priceless and you getting all excited about the different tastes and ingredients is one of my favourite memories of us.’ He moved up to cup his cheek. ‘Please. My love for you doesn’t come with any conditions. Especially not for how human you are. You have far exceeded the levels of humanity anyone of us could give.’

‘I just…’ Nines looked away, moving out of Gavin’s touch. ‘Sometimes I ask myself whether a human partner wouldn’t be better for you. I… We can’t even have sex.’ ‘Nines, just stop. Do you really think that shit is important? I like to have fun once in a while, but that doesn’t mean- Listen. No human would ever want me. And I don’t want any human. I want you. And only you.’ Gavin wanted to move in again, hold Nines and show him what he really meant for him, but the android evaded him once again, this time even moving a few steps away. ‘No. You are only saying that to make me feel better!’ He reached up to his temple, dug his fingers into the synth-skin there and before Gavin could shout at him to stop, Nines had pried off his LED, throwing it into the bin next to the door violently. ‘I- I have to go’, he muttered, static heavy in his voice and Thirium trailing down his face. In a heartbeat he had opened the door and slipped out, leaving Gavin behind.

He felt empty as he sunk to the floor against a wall. What had just happened? A few words spoken without care and taken too seriously were all it needed to blow any air right out of him. Gavin looked at the bin, remembered the exact sound the LED had made as it hit the plastic. ‘Phck’, he sighed to himself. Maybe he should have made a scene. Maybe he should have beaten the shit out of these two guys. If only his android would still be here with him then. He had become so used to Nines being around that their home now just felt empty. Lifeless even. He chuckled humourless close to tears. How phcking ironic.

He pushed himself from the ground what could be minutes or hours later and fetched the LED from the trash. He brushed over it a few times, freeing it from carrot pieces stuck to the half-evaporated Thirium on it. He took the little disk with him to the kitchen, carefully cleaning it with a sponge until he was sure there wasn’t any dirt on it. Then he changed into something comfortable and sat down on the couch so he could keep the door in view. All the time he held the LED fiercely in his grasp, holding it to his chest and kissing it gently in the futile hopes through whatever techno-magic they had built into it, Nines would be able to feel it. ‘Phck, Nines, please come home’, he pleaded through his grief-struck voice as he curled in on himself around the LED. He had cried enough so no new tears would come, and he only was immensely tired now. Darkness had settled around him as he hadn’t had the spirit to switch on any lights since they came home. It was late in the night already, maybe even very early morning, as Gavin fell asleep then and there on the couch, holding the disk close and muttering over and over: ‘Just come home. I love you.’

-

The next day he had woken up stiff, cold and alone. Oh, if that didn’t awake some unpleasant memories of the past… He had opted for a shower first, before trying to build up energy for a change into real clothes and breakfast. He succeeded in neither, spending the morning where he had spent the whole night, curled around the LED and turning it in his fingers. He had sent Nines a message on his phone, reading: I miss you babe. Please come home when you feel like it. I’m waiting for you and I’m worried. I love you. So far there hadn’t been an answer, but he was stuck on read. So at least he had seen it. He was probably fine then. At least not physically hurt. He spent all Saturday on that couch, turning on the TV in the hopes of being distracted. It didn’t work. He fell asleep to his plead to whoever was listening that Nines would come back. At least this time he had thought to get a blanket.

Sunday wasn’t better. No answer from Nines. Another text message from Gavin that he could come home whenever he was ready, that he hoped he was okay, that he missed him and loved him. Gavin felt as if he hadn’t done enough and at the same time didn’t know what else to do. Nines had told him he needed to go. And he would give him all the time he needed to think. Hell, even if he decided he didn’t want to be with him anymore… Gavin didn’t want to think about that too much as the knife in his chest reappeared every time he did, but… If Nines felt that way, Gavin would let him go. If only he knew he was happy and well then. The worry chewed away at him. He hadn’t eaten more than a piece of bread and some instant noodles the whole weekend and while he knew it wasn’t healthy, he just couldn’t get more down.

Everything in him was focussed on Monday. He would have never thought to look forward to a Monday while it was still weekend, but Nines would be at work, right? He would see him tomorrow for sure. He had to know he was alright.

It felt weird driving in his car without his partner sitting next to him. His LED was resting above the radio, Gavin’s constant companion by now. He didn’t even go to the toilet without it. He walked into the precinct like a ghost, several people even asking him if he was okay. He sat down on his chair, eyeing the desk in front of him. Shit, he had been so sure Nines would be there. Sitting there, staring at his screen. Ready to be hugged. Phck. He looked through the bullpen, his eyes locking on Connor. He had sworn to never talk to that tin-can again after that incident in the evidence room. But goddamn, this was for Nines.

‘Hey, Connor, err… Sorry to disturb, but-‘ ‘What do you want, Reed?’, the android brushed him off. ‘I was getting there, thank-‘ ‘I only tolerate you because my brother made the mistake of loving you. Now get to the point.’ Gavin swallowed. Yep, no chance in mending that shit-show. ‘Is he okay?’ That made Connor look up. ‘What? I worry about him, shit-head! Don’t look at me like that.’ ‘He is… He is getting better. He thinks about you a lot and from what he told me he misses you, too. He gave me his phone, so he wouldn’t answer.’ Gavin nodded. ‘Is he safe?’ He hated how weak he sounded, especially in front of Connor, but he just didn’t care anymore. Maybe that was what made Connor’s face soften. ‘He is. He is staying with us at the moment. Though I would advise you not to come over. He needs time.’ ‘I know. He told me and I will give him all the time he needs to figure it all out.’ He took a deep breath, but he was already so far in, what would it hurt to admit more. ‘I love him, Connor. I really do. Trust me, if I was ever true with anything in my life, it would be this. I just want him to be happy.’ ‘He loves you too. These idiots at the restaurant just struck every uncertainty he had about your… relationship. He will figure it out in time. If you believe me or not, I am on your side with this. You mean to much to him and he is too happy with you – whatever he sees in you – that I want him to come back to you, too.’ Gavin for once decided to be civil with the toaster. This really meant a lot. ‘Thank you, Connor.‘ ‘Don’t mention it.’

-

Still, Nines didn’t show up on Tuesday. Neither did he come Wednesday or Thursday. Gavin looked worse for wear every day, but no one questioned it. Maybe news had come around already. Maybe no one cared because that was “just Gavin”. But on Friday, Gavin walked into the precinct, slumped down behind his screen and mindlessly started scrolling through his emails before his brain caught up with him and he looked up. A familiar android looked back and Gavin could have cried in relief wouldn’t he be so uncertain of how things were between them. ‘H-Hey Nines’, he tried and was stupid enough to add a little wave. ‘How… How are you?’ His throat was dried up and speaking was hard.

The android stood up and came over, crouching in front of him. ‘I’m sorry, I stayed away for so long. I needed time to think’, he began and immediately Gavin was in the defensive. ‘No, that’s totally fine, really!’, he hurriedly said, to mask the fact that it had absolutely not been totally fine. He had lost a few kilos or more in that week and wondered how he could ever have functioned without the android. ‘You did mean it, right?’, Nines asked and took the man’s hand gently in his. ‘That you love me and don’t want any human? That you want me? And only me?’ ‘Yes!’, Gavin nodded quickly. ‘Yes, I meant that.’ ‘And that you don’t care about me being a machine?’ ‘Absolutely, Nines.’ ‘That’s good to hear’, the android sighed and relaxed, only to frown as he felt the LED trapped between their hands. He took it and held it up to inspect the disk. ‘Why are you constantly carrying that thing around with you?’, he asked. ‘Connor told me you had it with you the whole week.’ ‘Nines, I- I just-‘ ‘I threw it away for a reason, Gavin.’ Gavin just pulled Nines into a hug, regardless of who might be looking and how awkward it had to be. He didn’t care. He had yearned for this for a long time. ‘I don’t care, Nines. It is a part of you. Maybe you don’t like it or don’t want it, but I can’t throw away a part of you. I love you, with LED or without it. And I won’t let you throw away yourself just because some asshole talked shit about you. No one can ever change what I feel for you. And it’s good to have you back.’

[bananaink]

KeGo December Day 7 - Rant to me, baby

Katsuki was losing his goddamn mind.

Armed with a spatula in the right and a whisk in the left hand, he loomed over the resident garbage rat nursing his bowl of rubbish. Katsuki almost felt a vein in his forehead pop when the green haired menace lifted a spoon to his mouth and freaking ate the concoction in his possession without even flinching. The ends of barely not-spoiled raw spinach vanished, alongside crumbles of yesterday's chips, dosed in soy-sauce. The freaking eighth bottle, Katsuki had specifically hid away from the monster. It was now in the hands of a lunatic, drinking it like soda. Inhaling a – supposedly – calming breath, Katsuki watched the other freeze at the sound and slowly turning his head to face his wrath. When their eyes met, Midoriya – without breaking eye contact – dumped the rest of the bottle into his bowl.

“Dekuu...”

Midoriya took the empty bottle and chugged it at Katsuki, aiming for his face but he wasn’t one of the best for nothing! Deflecting the projectile with the spatula, he watched Midoriya bolt up and run – bowl of garbage still in hands. Katsuki quickly threw the whisk to where Midoriya headed and then grabbed a chair to intercept with his further path. But the little fucker was nimble as shit and managed to avoid a whisk to the cheek and chair to the knees, jumping and sidestepping like a freaking rabbit on the run.

“Give me the bowl, you fucker!”, he screamed and threw himself over the kitchen table when Midoriya tried to use it as an obstacle for him to gain distance. Midoriya squeaked again, bowl holding over his head out of reach and sloshing some of his devil-food onto the pristine floors of the brand new U.A. dorms. A sad and wet cucumber-slice landed with a splat just beside his foot. Katsuki could feel his disgust and anger fight for dominance but at the end they just joined forces against the bigger threat in his near vicinity.

“Who the hell let you in here?!”, Katsuki screamed in rage and Midoriya made this dumb and obnoxiously cocky smile with that nervous edge around his eyes that reminded Katsuki too much and too little of their childhood at the same time.

“Ha ha, you’re awake!”, Midoriya just said, clearly fighting off his surprise at how early he had been ambushed and ducked under a swipe from Katsukis hands. Cradling the bowl against his chest again and ducking under the freaking table, Midoriya managed to evade him a second time. Grabbing the edged, Katsuki was just about to flip the table over and set everything on fire, when two hands grabbed his hips and lifted him from the ground.

“HUrgH!”, came out of his throat in surprise and then he found himself flung over a very strong shoulder, turning around an carrying him away from the kitchen. At that he pounded on Kirishimas back and numbly realized he was still holding the spatula.

“Let me DOWN!”, he screamed and kicked his legs out, eyes boring on Midoriya, who was crouching under the table, grinning, as he smugly shoveled spoon after spoon of his poison into his mouth. Katsuki gagged when he saw cereal vanish behind glinting teeth. But then Kirishima made a turn and he lost the sight of his arch-nemesis. Katsuki dug his hands into Kirishimas back – hardening immediately coating the redhead – and he let lose some small explosions at the sheer audacity!

“I’ll kill that fucker – let me down, did you see what he was eating?! That was my god-damn soy sauce! Let me DOWN SHITTY HAIR-”

“Calm down, bro, Aizawa is already on the move.”, the redhead mumbled, clearly tired and sleepy and with that little annoyed undertone of a not-morning-person being awake at a time they really didn’t like to be. Katsuki huffed and puffed, hitting shitty hair in the back of his head with the spatula.

“I’m gonna take care of this myself!”

But he made no serious attempt at struggling free anymore, knowing his teacher was on the case. Just unhappily wiggling and holding himself up. And not a second later he heard a yelp from the kitchen and saw the black shadow of their homeroom-teacher emerging and dragging Midoriya behind him. Out of the kitchen and into the hall, where Kirishima was just about to use the elevator to his floor. Katsukis eyes latched onto the back of Midoriyas head, the other boy not even struggling against the hold Aizawa had on him and let almost his entire lower body be dragged on the floor. But when the ding of the elevator sounded through the hall, he caught Midoriya looking over his shoulder and meeting Katsukis burning stare.

Immediately he struggled to get to his feet and run, but Aizawa was surprisingly strong for such a slouchy teacher and Katsuki eagerly waited for their teacher to arrive at the elevator, ready to pounce and rip that asshole a new one for defiling the kitchen with his horrible food.

But then Kirishima walked into the elevator and turned around, cutting off Katsukis line of sight, again.

“You can go ahead.”, Aizawas voice scratched over the floor and Kirishima yawned a long and tired ‘Sure, Sensei. See ya later.’

Roaring in rage Katsuki struggled for real because they had taken his opportunity for revenge again and quickly managed to push himself around enough to see the doors closing on his very tired looking Sensei. Katsuki locked eyes with Midoriya and chucked the spatula at him. It made it outside but he would have to imagen it hitting its target.

Kirishima yawned again, unimpressed with the knees digging into his chest and smoldering hands grabbing him, only swaying with the added weight.

“Seriously? It’s three A.M. Can’t you wait until after breakfast?”

Katsuki scoffed.

“Not my fault that fucker woke me up.”, he lied and hit resurfacing memories and nightmares over the head until they stopped making his hands shake. Because Midoriya had woken him up, not childish little nightmares hovering in his room.

Kirishima hummed, now actually sounding more alert, just as the elevator stopped and they walked out. Shitty hair didn’t even ask if Katsuki wanted to go back to his room, just freaking took that decision away from him and entered his own room. Katsuki got dumped onto the bed and sat up, just as Kirishima closed his door and dragged a stool over to sit in front of the blonde.

“Alrighty, listen up, man, this is the second week we're all living together and I’m very tired right now of hearing the same excuse at the exact same time every god-knows-what-hour in the morning. Because no one can hear Midoriya, he’s like a ghost and your room is on the fourth floor, faaar away from the kitchen. So you will now tell me exactly what it is that’s keeping you awake or I’ll hug you now until we fall asleep.”

Katsuki blinked at the redhead and his limp bed-hair and the dark rings under his eyes. And the very real threat hanging over his head.

“You wouldn’t dare.”

Kirishima pointed to his eyebags.

“Do these look like they’re joking?”

Something heavy and ugly washed over Katsukis chest and he refused to see it as guilt because it had been Midoriya who woke him up every morning. Nothing else. Just his stupid face, twisted in pain and covered in blood.

“There is nothing to talk about. He’s just loud as shit.”, he spat and dimly thought about just leaving shitty hairs room. Nothing was holding him back from standing up, crossing the room and hunting for the gremlin again. Shitty hair never held him against his will for too long - just long enough for Midoriya to safely hide himself away where he couldn’t reach him – so Katsuki was fairly confident that he wouldn’t actually stop him now. But this was the first time Kirishima blinked himself actually awake and focused his attention into one intense look.

It made Katsukis hands ball to fists because shitty hair seemed to just know.

How Katsuki still had nightmares about the training camp, about All For One, about All Might and Midoriya.

“I don’t have to tell you shit.”, he cursed and glared away from those eyes, taking in the posters on shitty hairs wall instead.

“If it’s some mushy-touchy-feely-shit you’re fishing for, tough fuck, you won’t find any here.”

“Then don’t!”, shitty hair said and waved one hand in the air.

“I don’t need you to get mushy-touchy-feely with me. Just freaking talk or, or... Ha!”

Kirishimas face lit up in a challenging grin.

“Rant to me.”

“What?”, Katsuki reeled and warily eyed the sudden energy flooding Kirishimas body as he nodded, obviously confident about his offer.

“Yeah, rant to me, baby, I can take it. Use the filthiest and ugliest words you know.”

That somehow got Katsuki to perk up, despite the underlying knowledge that Kirishima was using his competitiveness against him. The black swirling mass of his thoughts slowly wandered to the back of his mind as he saw the most pure-hearted motherfucker Katsuki knew asking him to curse in front of his virgin ears. Even Midoriya and his screams of agony still ringing in Katsukis head took a backseat at the prospect of venting to a pair of ears he knew would hear him. Listen to him.

“Are you sure about that, princess?”

Kirishima pulled the chair closer and land forward, hardened fists slamming together in his signature move.

“Go nuts, bro.”

___________

I’m BACK! Okay, so, sorry for the delay! I had some stressfull days and tried to keep ahead of the KeGo but I haven’t written anything in, like, advance, so I had no chapters up my sleeve to throw at you guys. But I’m gonna catch up now! :D

I should be able to catch up quickly now because nothing is standing in my way anymore! :D

As usual check out @banashee and her stories! I’ll have to go read them myself later, sorry, didn’t even managed to do that :’D

And this is crossposted on AO3 :D

[psychodelic-insomnomaniac]

Mista finding Giorno and taking care of him is adorable. But I can't help but picture a Meowstic and a Mightyena taking a walk on day and just stumbling across our skittish and beaten up Budew. Like thank god plant pokemon can use the sun like regular plants to get energy because Giorno would no be able to defend any food he managed to get at all.

Sometimes, humans passing through the area would plant berry trees. It wasn’t often, and they didn’t tend to be left for long, but when those trees did crop up, it was always a big deal. 

Giorno had never bothered with trying to get any. It wasn’t that he didn’t want any of the fruits that grew from those short-lived plants, because he very much did, but his desire not to get trampled, eaten, and/or beaten up greatly overpowered his desire for a snack, no matter how hungry he may have been. He was a grass type. Not eating wouldn’t *kill* him, because even if the sunlight did nothing to abate the clawing emptiness of his stomach, it would still keep him alive, and that was what mattered. 

One day, though, one of those berry trees popped up only a few paces away from the little den he called his home. It had been a particularly fruitful season- there were plenty of other trees all around the surrounding area- so none of the other Pokemon seemed overly interested in that specific tree. For once, he might actually have a chance. 

Nervously, he crept out from his den, and made a beeline for the tree, quickly scooping up one of the pink berries growing from its lower branches and scurrying back to his den. In his haste, he ended up tripping (stupid stubby legs!) and accidentally dropping his long-awaited food... right at the feet of another Pokemon. 

Something in him finally seemed to just... break. That was *his*, dammit! He was tired of being scared, tired of being hungry, just *tired*! Against his better judgement, he squeaked defiantly, and head butted the other Pokemon. 

The blue, bipedal psychic type (psychic type; that was bad, that was very bad) must not have noticed him within the tall grass, because even though his head butt definitely wasn’t all that powerful, it still surprised the other Pokemon badly enough that it stumbled back and fell over, blinking it’s giant eyes in confusion. 

Quickly, before the psychic type (a Meowstic- *really* bad news) could seem to process what was going on, Giorno scooped the berry back up and *ran*. His den wasn’t far, and even if he wasn’t at all very fast, hopefully he could still manage to make it in there before the Meowstic recovered enough to attack him. 

He would’ve made it, too, if it hadn’t been for a set of four large, grey paws suddenly blocking his path. A second Pokemon. The Meowstic had bought a friend. 

He felt like he was going to cry, and if he weren’t already old enough to know that crying was useless, he probably would’ve just burst into tears right there. He knew he shouldn’t have tried to risk it. He should’ve just stayed put like always instead of acting like an idiot and trying to go grab food from the public area. If he’d just stayed put, he wouldn’t be standing here, sandwiched between a psychic type and a full grown Mightyena that looked about two seconds away from ripping him in half. 

He dropped the berry, terror having finally returned in full force and beat out whatever burst of courage had possessed him earlier, but the Mightyena didn’t seem appeased. If anything, it only snarled harder, and when he tried to back away, it followed. 

That settled it: he was going to die. These two looked fairly high level, so he hoped it would at least be quick, but the Mightyena looked angry enough that he wouldn’t exactly be surprised if it decided to draw things out a bit. 

From somewhere deep inside himself, he felt a sudden resolve begin to burn. Fine. So he was going to die. So what? This had always been inevitable. He was weak, and in this world, the strong devoured the weak. That was simply the way things were. Didn’t mean he was going to make it easy on them. 

When the Mightyena leaned down- presumably to take a bite- Giorno lashed out, and hit the dark type Pokemon with one of the few moves he actually knew: good old fashioned Toxic. It didn’t seem to have been expecting that, and yelped loudly, stumbling back as poison began coursing through its system. Giorno had approximately two seconds to feel proud of himself before the Meowstic struck, likely enraged by the poisoning of its partner. The Yawn hit him quickly, and he only just had the time to work out what move had just been used on him before it ended up taking effect, and he fell into a deep sleep.

[”Bruno, that little fucker just poisoned me!” 

“I know, dear, I’ve been here the whole time.” 

“A fucking Budew just poisoned me! That little shit!!” 

“Abbacchio, please calm down. It’s not that big a deal.” 

“I *cannot* believe-”]

[blackcatanna]

LET THE ORGY OF SADNESS CONTINUE: Okita's Route Part 3: Edo Blossoms

I'm very interested to see how this plays out. Tbh, I don't really get this relationship yet but that seems consistent with how I felt before Edo Blossoms in the other routes so, yes, I am excited! :D I hope that Kaoru doesn't die X_X I want at least one route with Kaoru redemption but I am not at all optimistic...

Chapter 1:

"Something else entirely had me preoccupied..." Could it be... one spicy, stabby boi?

Wait, are we... LIVING TOGETHER? 👀

Quick question: do silver bullets affect demons or just furies?

BWWWWAAAARRRP!!! PHYSICAL CONTACT ALARM! "I held his soft, trembling fingers in my hands," Whoa there. Please calm down. I cannot allow this level of unbridled eroticism in my Good Christian Suburb.

In all seriousness, though, I GUESS this is SOMEWHAT sweet and romantic but I want everyone to know that I'm saying this under duress. >:( If I fancied him, this would wring the fuck out of my heart.

"Are you sure? You aren't just saying that?" Glad to see that Doctor Chizuru studied under Doctor Gregory "Everybody Lies" House.

"Why is it that you're always here when I wake up?" If you can't figure it out, I sure as hell am not going to tell you!

"Okita seemed to take pleasure from my surprise, and he stared into my eyes." X_X Of course he did... Because he loves to provoke reactions.

"Answer me." MAKE ME >_<

"looking off to the side in a fit of feigned indifference." < Okita in a nutshell

Is he upset because I said that I was here because of worry and guilt? Because, tbh, fair enough. Those were pretty dumb things to say, making out like it's a burden instead of admitting that I actually like being around him >:(

"Well, I guess that's fine then." X_X Oh, come on! Don't use the f-word on me like that! D:

"She's lying." YAMAZAKI!!! >_<

"Look, I know you can't stop thinking about me, but this whole doting-all-day-and-night thing is tiring." Called. The fuck. Out. X_X

Tbf, it seems kind of hypocritical to be fussing over someone while refusing to let them even inquire about your own health. Plus, it's a very one sided arrangement, which is not healthy X_X

"stop throwing a bitch fit" XD Okita is my new hero :')

"I didn't know that my behaviour became a cause for concern for them, too." Then, perhaps, you are foolish and inconsiderate -_-

O: Okita!?? Did he faint?! O_O

Woo! Going on an adventure with YAM! :)

There had better not be any creepy bald fuckers waiting in mah house! >:(

Are all doctors bald in 1860s Japan????

I'm so happy that Yamazaki's still alive in this route :) TOUCH WOOD.

"*Grunt* *Cough*..." Ah, I knew it was only a matter of time before I caught tb -_- (jk)

No, never split the party! D:

"However the price to pay is life itself." DUN, DUN, DUUUUUUUUUN!!! So much for it granting "immortality"

"the poisonous Water of Life" uh... Isn't that kind of an oxymoron X_X

"Retaining your sanity is impossible without feasting on blood." Ah, so all along, the Shinsengumi were just feeding the furies a poor diet.

O: ):< WHO DARES THUMP MY YAMAZAKI?

Of course. It's fucking Kaoru -_-

Blah blah, sadistic fuckery, blah blah. I'm starting to get real tired of your shit, BROTHER.

"Was he trying to play a trick on me?" -_- probably, yeah.

Wow, that's... Actually pretty helpful? Thanks!?

Okay, the doctor folk have gone! I give Okita delicious blood now? :)

Oh. HE GAWN!!! O:

WHY ARE YOU UP AND DRESSED? >_<

"Sleeping all day is such a drag." True, so DRINK MY BLOOD AND GET BETTER >:(

Bloodlust time :O Good thing I'm a walking blood pack! :D

"How long have you been doing this?" Uh, haven't you been watching over him night and day?

"I wrapped my arms around Okita and held him tight " BWAAAA- Okay, yes, physical contact. Hug = gud >:(

"Pease, drink this " DRINK THE BLOOD >:(

"I could feel his breath brushing across my skin..." o_o Saucy...

Why are the blood drinking descriptions so erotic XD I mean, I'm not complaining but-

Who is this strange, apologetic man?

Blood > Porridge

Heh heh, apparently, Hijikata acts "all hoighty-toighty"

Oooh! Looks like Okita's trying to break free of his diligent YAM nursing...

"I am calm" Okita, last time you said that, you went on a killing spree...

Ooh, I wonder why Yamazaki and Okita don't get along... I remember seeing a picture somewhere with casual Yamazaki abuse in the background...

"Okita was acting like a petulant child, throwing his toys out of the pram..." X_X Sexy...

"Do you think the Shinsengumi still needs me?" HONEY, the Shinsengumi needs all the help it can GET!! O_O

Omg, Yamazaki's threatening to tell on Okita! XD He's playing a dangerous (and childish) game!

Side note: the painting in Okita's room is distracting me because it kind of reminds me of the dead mice my cats bring in on a regular basis.

WAIT, IT'S A FISH!!! X_X A NICE, INNOCENT LITTLE KOI FISHY X_X I need to stop spending so much time with my cats...

"What, already? Can't I stay up just a little longer?" Hakuoki: Mum simulator!

"I'll turn in on one condition..." Oo-er :O

"Okita grinned mischievously, and he peered directly into my eyes." O_O OO-ER!

"My palms became sweaty, and my heart skipped a beat." IT MUST BE LOVE O_O

"Since you're here, mind laying down next to me?" DUN DADA DUN! *fanfare plays* We got there in the end, folks! :D

DON'T YOU DARE SAY NO XD

"That's not a funny joke." True. And the only way to teach him a lesson is to PRETEND to take him seriously by DOING AS HE SAYS >:)

"You're so dense." FACTS.

WELL DONE, CHIZURU, YOU DONE COCK-BLOCKED YERSELF, I said, berating the fictional character as if that's not totally something that I would do in real life ..

"Okita blushed, turning away in embarrassment." O: CTRL+Z CTRL+Z CTRL+Z ):<

"I want to, erm, talk to you for a little bit longer..." Oh, we can "talk" all night long ;)

"Talk...? With me?" But I'm only a stupid woman, huh dur, with naught to say but um and er! Actually, Chizuru does say ""um..." I couldn't think of anything to say" in this route A LOT so maybe FAIR PLAY.

Just realised that I accidentally made a rhyme.

"Okita sighed, frustrated" HONESTLY, ME TOO.

"How clearly do I have to spell this out for you." I'm beginning to wonder that myself. He just wants some company, Chizuru! Is that SO HARD to imagine? X_X

"He began to run his fingers through my hair." Oooh! Physical contact :3 Chizuru = pet cat!

"as the tip of his finger touched my skin, my heart skipped." Yeeeesssss... Feel the thirst flow through you... 3:)

Are we gonna get a thirsty Western uniform pan, now? :P

"I tried facing him directly, but for some reason my heart was thudding in my chest..." :O Oh my! I cannot think of a possible explanation! You should get that checked out! >:P

"you find me sexy right now, don't you?" AH-HAH! >:D Caught red handed!

Ugh, can't believe he tricked me into saying he looks good. >:(

UGH. Doctor Matsumoto still needs to perform a final exam on Okita?! Just let him go already X_X

Wow, has Okita been seething against Hijikata this whole time? That... Can't be healthy -_-

"Okita had the tendency to act rashly and avoid looking at the bigger picture, particularly when Hijikata was involved." No shit. He's going to be such a handful X_X

"You're coming, right?" Of course. I'm not just going to sit around here while everyone I care about gets killed O_O besides, you need my nutritious and delicious blood to keep you nice and healthy ^_^

"she can't keep her eyes off me for long enough, to the point where she'll follow me wherever I go" Yeah, because that's how you win at this game >:P

"Aw, is that some blushing I see? It's the truth." Yup.

"Well, yeah," SHE ADMITTED IT!!! 8D

"So, Yukimura. It appears you have some feelings for Okita, is this true?" OH, FRICKING GREAT!!! NOW I'M BEING INTERROGATED BY MY DAD'S EX- COLLEAGUE ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE X_X IF THE GROUND COULD SWALLOW ME NOW, THAT'D BE GREAT! OKITA IS SUCH A DICK XD

OKITA. STOP.

Doctor, why you gotta be so serious? O:

"Criminy..." Uh... Is that a real word?...

Omg, it is a real word! I have never heard anyone use it but, tbf, this is the 1860s :P

Okita needs to stop saying that every decision that Kondou makes that he doesn't like is because Hijikata "coerced" him. He's a grown man. He can think for himself. Please respect his autonomy X_X This is not healthy.

Uuuuuugh. Kaoru >_< Seriously, get a life!

"I'm here to watch the Shinsengumi flail around like pathetic losers as they watch their friends die." ... KAORU, THAT DOES NOT COUNT AS A HOBBY >_<

"Looks like you made it in time for the show, though. You'll be able to witness the glorious execution of the Shinsengumi's idiot chief." Or, in other words, we arrived in time to try and rescue him >:)

"You look nice. All your little boo-boos patched up?" Uhh... There's a lot to unpack here...

"Okita reveled in the vicious display, allowing Kaoru's blood to shower him as he swung repeatedly at the Demon." O_O Umm... Okita? Maybe CHILL THE FUCK OUT. O_O HE IS MY BROTHER, YOU KNOW?!

Aaaand, seemingly Kaoru's going to milk that fact... -_-

Did he... Stab me in the mouth?!?? What am I looking at here? X_X

Also, why doesn't he just activate his demon form!?!

Wait, is he feeding me the Ochimizu?!

Kaoru says that the water of life will eat away at Okita's body faster than if he'd just succumbed to TB but that's clearly not true if he's living long enough to see the end of the Shinsengumi. Plus, a short life of action is better than spending the rest of your days fading away in a sickbed.

"Okita comforted me with the soft tickle of his hands as they wiped away each tear with a warm touch." :3 Pretty darn wholesome! I will concede this point!

"you're a sweetheart." :3 Thank.

"You're a good girl" And am I supposed to wag my tail at that? X_X

"I... I am in love with Okita." O: Damn, that'll go straight to his head X_X

"more than anything or anyone" not that that's saying much :P Sorry, romantic moment, must resist shit talking urges!

"I believed that if I died, no one would give a shit." </3 O: )': DX Neveeeeeerrrrr!!!!

I prescribe HUG INJECTION >:(

"You look like shit" -_- Way to kill the mood.

"Here, come closer." :D Okay, I forgive you! <3

Oh, he played the uno reverse card on my hug plan :O

"How could I keep myself calm when the man I loved held me delicately in his arms?" BIG. MOOD.

Awe, he didn't kill Kaoru because "my heart knew it didn't want you to hate me..." <3 <3 <3 >.<

"My heart melted." SAME.

Chapter 2:

Damn, we're only on Chapter 2 and things are already getting pretty fluffy...

"Do you want me to sleep next to you?" DO IT. XD I dare you :P

"I wonder if Okita thought of me as nothing more than a silk kimono and a warming stone, as if that was all I could offer..." Girl, come on! Don't sell him short like this! Oh, and tell me more about what you want to offer him 3:)

Well, it looks like blood is the answer, for now O_O

"Y-You're not gonna offer me a-any blood today? Trying to play hard to get?" -_-

"his warm mouth drew my blood into his full, tender lips." X_X Sounds like someone needs a cold shower...

"I'm a diseased freak with no hope for the future." D: Don't say that! Everybody dies eventually! You still have strength to achieve the things you want and we can still be happy together! :'(

"I will be by your side, Okita... No matter what." YUS >:)

SEN!!! <3

"Would it have killed you to at least write us a letter?" O: I'm sorry! X_X

Ha. Bold of you to assume that Kodo's continued research might be in your favour.

"Kondou has surrendered to the Imperial Army." O_O OH FUCK.

And of course Okita is blaming Hijikata X_X

"You are making assumptions, most of which are uninformed" Yeah, you tell him, Sen-bae!

I still don't see why we can't at least try to rescue Kondou >:( Are we just supposed to sit tight and wait for him to be executed?!??

" I'm sure that Kondou would be very unhappy to hear his life was saved at the cost of Okita's." >:( And I'm sure that he would be even more unhappy to hear that Okita spent the rest of his days confined to his bed, in misery and anguish. >:(

The dream was pretty wholesome :'o

I guess protecting the things that are important to Kondou, like his legacy, is more important than protecting Kondou himself. Kondou entrusted his legacy to Okita, and so his efforts might be better spent elsewhere, rather than on rescuing Kondou. :'( That's up to him, though.

HUG ALERT!!! 8D

"No matter how many times he touched me, I couldn't have imagined ever tiring of the sensation..." XD The thirst is real!

"Y'know, ever since you came into my life, I've always given you a hard time..." WHERE IS THE LIE?

These two assholes in each other's arms, like "Welp, I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of telling you that I love you so we're just going to continue this totally not heterosexual hug right now and stfu."

:D I am happy to see Hijikata! However, I know someone who may feel differently -_-

"Would you like me to wake him." O_O Nooooot a good idea, Chizuru!

"Without me to blame, I doubt he'll have anything to motivate him, and I'm worried he'll lose the will to live." :O Hijikata, that's kind of sweet in a fucked up kind of way but you underestimate the power of LOVE >:)

THIS HAD BETTER NOT BE FUCKING KAORU AGAIN!!!

:O Kazama and Amagiri?! I was beginning to think that Kazama had lost interest in me. Or, at least, hoped he had.

"This evening... Isami Kondou was beheaded." I just gasped out loud! Kondou, no! D':

OMG, IS CHIZURU TRANSFORMING INTO A BADASS DEMON?! 8D 8D 8D

"A woman who has sullied herself with the water of life is unworthy of my love. Consider this over." ... IF I KNEW THAT THAT WAS ALL IT TOOK, I WOULD HAVE DRANK THAT FUCKING CONCOCTION YEARS AGO >_<

"You are dead to me." GOOD.

Awe, Okita! :'(

NOW I'M CRYING, TOO D'X Damn this game DX

Chapter 3:

Chasing down the Shinsengumi >:) ... Again! If this is anything like Kazama's route, this is going to be depressing af...

We're like two fuzzy wood creatures, going from cozy spot to cozy spot to snooze in during the day :')

"Be a good girl," >_< Staaaaaahhhp!!!

"They went thattaway!" XD I know that this situation is pretty dire but that sentence makes me chuckle!

"Fight...? You?" Ye bitch! >:) I got me my ochimizu powers now!

"How dare you, you bastard!" UM. YOU ATTACKED US!!! WE WERE TRYING TO HAVE A NAP!

*Slash, slash, squelch, splat* X_X

"Ahahaha! You're just helpless pigs!" -_- Uh, Okita? Calm the fuck down, k? You're starting to sound like Kazama!

"his sadistic display of sword mastery." Yup, they be the right words -_-

Ugh, I got shot. Probably shouldn't have been standing around doing NOTHING X_X

D: I killed a guy! GUYS, CHIZURU JUST STABBED SOMEONE IN THE HEART, COME AND SEE!!! :')

"Chizuru, you're trying to hard." *Hides guide* I don't know what you could possibly mean :) :) :)

:O a kunai?! Could it be... my boy YAM?!

YAM!!! :'D

"I just assumed you died or something." Okita is the queen of tact, as always :')

Wait, Yamazaki, don't stay behind on your own O':

NOOOOOOOOO O_O

YAMAZAKIIIIIIII!!!!

OMG HE'S OKAY!!! 8'D 8'D

"I... Cannot afford to die yet..." Doesn't stop you in most routes, though, does it? X_X

"This doesn't look good..." Oh no! Is he going to succumb to his injuries off screen?! D': Classic Yamazaki D,X

"You've been spying on us for days, and I didn't even notice." :') That's our Yam boy!

Aw, Okita gave Yamazaki the thank you!

I reeeeeaaally don't think that Kondou would want Okita to murder Hijikata X_X

"I am going to be late, but I promise to return." YOU HAD BETTER. >:( DON'T DIE, YAMAZAKI!

Owl <3 Hoot hoot to you too, my friend!

Don't kill Hijikata, you dumbass. -_-

"A penchant for violence" X_X That's Okita all right!

It would be funny if he were drinking from Chizuru's foot, instead... Just, something about the way he's holding her hand invites that image XD

FOR FUCK'S SAKE!!! WHY DOES A BATTLE HAVE TO ERUPT EVERYWHERE WE GO!?!

"Okita grabbed my hand" 8D < Happy Chizuru!

Wait... I'M GETTING BLOODLUST?!? MONSTER CHIZURU IS UNLEASHED >:)

Oh, I guess not. Kinda disappointed, tbh XD

Ugh, can we just catch up to Hijikata already? Let's get this over with.

Wait, his sister was "wedded off to some deadbeat"!?! I wonder how old she was... :/

"I was bullied and given shit all the time." :'(

The CG of Okita giving Hijikata the evils is BEAUTIFUL! X'D

"He was a rich snob" somehow, I doubt that...

Wow, Okita really is seething with passionate jealousy for Hijikata... Even though Kondou gave him the sword X_X

I feel like Kondou's relationship with Hijikata is different enough than Okita and Kondou's that Okita's intense jealousy seems a bit much...

It sort of feels kind of like a kid being jealous of their dad's new girlfriend X_X

MORE HUGS >:D

"Before I knew it, you slithered your way into my heart..." That's a pretty weird but also adorable thing to say X'D SLITHER SLITHER

"And you know just what to say," I KNOW, UNCANNY, RIGHT :) :) :) *hides guide*

"We couldn't help but succumb to the hypnotic lull of our passionate embrace." XD Does this mean a fade-to-black is coming :P

I love that their following Hijikata tracks like they're hunting the wild Hijikata beast XD

Is he all alone?

Oh, he has a bodyguard XD

Really inappropriate time to mention this but this route makes Hijikata seem more attractive to me than before XD Maybe it's because of the contrast with Okita's sadistic, violent, volatile side... Maybe it's because he seems more vulnerable when being berated by Okita, idk XD Leave Hijikata alone, Okita!

"You could have saved him!" But Hijikata has RESPONSIBILITIES. He can't just abandon his men and their cause to save Kondou, even if he wanted to :'(

"I COULDN'T!!!" Yeah, you tell him, Hijikata >:(

OKITA, DON'T PUNCH HIS BEAUTIFUL FACE!!! I mean, uh... XD

Wait, we're not going with the Shinsengumi?! O_e

"Hijikata's a real dumbass, don't you think?" -_- .......NO!

Kondou reading to tiny Okita = mega cuteness!

"If I never met Kondou, there's no doubt in my mind that I'd be waaaaay more cuckoo than I am now." And nobody, NOBODY WANTS TO SEE THAT O_O

"You and Kondou are pretty similar" Obviously, that's a compliment and I'm super flattered but I reeeeeaaally hope that this relationship isn't just because Chizuru reminds him of Kondou XP

"My heart suddenly melted in my chest." What, again!?! Chizuru's heart had been through A LOT during this route -_-

"To be fair, it was a little strange of Okita to compare a woman he loved to a man he viewed as a father..." <<< See?! :P

Skipping off, hand in hand :')

Chapter 4:

Aw, tiny Chizuru sadness flashback </3

It's unthinkably awful, what happened to the village, but revenge =/= genocide.

Chizuru, y u lie? -_-

"There were men who took pleasure from their evil deeds." And demons, too... And Okita, to an extent XD

Ugh, I bet Kaoru's gonna sneak up on me while Okita's gone and be all, "Yeeeeesssss.... Give in to your anger... Feel the hate flow through you..." Fucking annoying hate goblin child.

OH, LOOK WHO IT IS!!!

"You're a real bitch, you know that?" Oh, I'M A BITCH??!! Sure thing, tiny asshole. -_-

"At long last, we can come together. We can be the siblings were born to be." ... Happy and free from the burdens of hate and bitterness? O_O

"We are going to massacre the evil forces conspiring within this country, for the good of our people." ... What people? The dead ones? Yeah, I'm sure they'll be reeeeeeaaal grateful from their graves. Sounds like you just want an excuse to torment some humans, you sadistic piece of shit -_-

"Suddenly, I craved blood..." OH HO!

"I... I craved Okita's blood..." 'Sonly fair >:P

"my entire body screamed to tear Okita limb from limb." 8O Yikes.

I... Kinda want to know what happens if I give in to the bloodlust... 😏

Buuuuut I gotta endure it. Damn.

Oh, it's cold up North, is it? ;P What can we possibly do to stay warm in bed?

PENGUIN HUDDLE is hopefully the answer.

<3 :D Looking up at the stars together!

"I want to make your wishes come true. All of them..." :D Okita is every girl's dream sexy murder genie :)

""If you still plan on walking away from me and everything you have..." Okita reached his hand to me kindly." :) :) :)

"Then, I will kill you " FFS XD THIS BITCH!!!

I bet we're gonna kiss now or something. Damn that sexy murder genie X_X

Oh, no kissing, just crying XD That's... Actually more appropriate, even if they are happy tears :')

O WAIT, "I grabbed ahold of him madly" ...

SMOOCHY SMOOCHY >:)

"For once in my life, I felt whole," Awe </3 "the thought of which nearly brought my tears." BITCH, UR ALREADY CRYING XD

"each breath between our zealous smacking grew more strained and sensuous." O_e ... Uh, what did I just read? XD XD XD

"now that Kondou's gone... I only have one reason to fight." Uh... I have a feeling that it's a Chizuru reason... He really needs to find his own motivations, instead of just attaching himself to the causes of people who give him attention. Okay, that was a bit harsh. X_X I'm sorry, Okita!

"How about another kiss, huh?" "B-but, um... W-we just kissed..." ... SO!?! GIRL, YOU KNOW YOU'RE HOT FOR HIM!

"I'm askin' you if you'll have me or not." ... When he says "have", does he mean . . .

"Well, I think there's a time and place for everything." ... Damn. Is this game suggesting that if I say yes, I'm a slut and he'll think less of me? XP BOOOOOOO!

"Watching you squirm like that makes me want to play with you even more." XD As I predicted: Big Dom Energy!

"As long as I will live, I will crave your touch..." *Munches popcorn* Just screw, damn it!

"Our plump lips smeared against one another, and he pulled at a fistful of my hair, drawing me deeper into him as he bit forcefully into my lower lip." :O ... Kinky! >:P I totally called it XD

"I do not mind putting up with anything you might do to me, Okita." How... Romantic?? O_e Just admit that you're horny, Chizuru! There's no shame, I swear!

"I bet when I'm gone, you'll sob like a baby." :'O YES. OBVIOUSLY. >:'(

"Okita spooned me," Classic XD

Ew, Kodo.

"You look pale. Please do not tell me that you have been refusing to drink blood." XD Thanks for your concern...

Bless Okita for offering himself as an all-you-can-eat buffet X_X

"If I were to commit to this relationship, then it meant I needed to separate myself from my family." DRAMAAAA! :D *Pulls out another bag of popcorn*

"I have no desire to carve a life that comes at the expense of hurting others." PREACH B)

[cybernightwanderer]

“ My Reiki and Yoga New Free Soul Brother - Once an abuser manipulative thieve , money driven leach “

Well thats a big tittle to describe one person entirely. So my ( midle ) brother across my kid years and then teenager developing to adult, my brother was an interesting person. For example, in school my brother would pretend he didnt know me , and if i even dared to aproach him he would shame me in front of everyone, even thought they already knew i was his sister, i was bullied a lot in school so at the start i tried a few times reaching out to him , specially because i didnt have any friends and id always be alone. This motherfucker who was already a teenager completly dismissed me , BUT would actually seek me out or talk to me when he needed lunch money because he already “ spent his”, funny enough hed get mine to eat coz he didnt wanna use his, and if i didnt gave him even though i hadnt eaten , he would guilty me badly , and being the kid that i was , my brother was everything to me , even tho he didnt gave a shit about me.

So in consequence i started drawing a distance line between me and him, at home id start to distance myself and ignore him. And he started getting like a really attention whore, hed always annoye me , and force me to hangout, and i didnt he would threaten me or do some shit at the house and blame me for it , because my mother at the tinniest shit at home would beat the crap out of me , so me being the little kid that i was tired of getting beatings for no random reason , id play along. My brother would literally antagonzie me and scare the shit out of me while so. Everytime my family went anywhere , for example the beach, id try to go to the water alone for some peace this motherfucker would sneak behind me and try to drown me as a joke , like every 5 minutes, id yell in panic and my mom wouldnt do shit, eventually id end up actually chocking on water and  hit my head on the sand and cry the rest of the time. So yeah FUN ! Did my mom do anything ? ofc no , “ hes just playing around “. I had BD collections that id buy with my lunch money that sometimes id save up, disney movie cassettes and so on. Sometimes id have snacks in my room to eat when studying or something. My brother, being a full grown ass teenager that he was , would steal everything without me even catching a glimpse of it. My brother would “ borrow “ things without asking then hide them because he wanted. I had two final fantasy collectible caracters that i spent my leftover bday money on, and my brother would take it as his own. Yes because whatever birthday money i got wether it be 50 euros or even 20 from my grandma or aunt, my mom would take it “ borrowed” for herself with no justification, shed always say “ Ah lend me i need it  / or / I always buy you clothes and everythings, i buy you food , you owe me this , thats the minimum you could do / “ or / she would just take it without me knowing , she would inspect my bday gifts and take it before hand , the problem is that my grandma or aunt would always after if i was gonna save it up and id ask what and they would question what i did with the money and i would ask what money and blah blah , you get where this is going.

OH and if i didnt give my money the money she would beat me up ! wich is funny asf. My brother literally sold all my things behind my back, my original BDS, MY FUCKING POISON IVY STORYLINE BD, my disney cassetes , my collectibles, and my snacks he would steal and eat. If i had saved up money hidden, first he would try to borrow it and guilty me with the “ im such a good brother to you , you cant even lend me money ? i will pay you back, trust me “ ... ofc he never payed me back , but every two weeks he woul do this shit. And if i by any chance didnt gave him , hed just steal, or sell my things, wich regardless of me lending him , he would do it anyway. Fast forward to my early teenage years, i had to start working , i quit school because we entered that internet deth with my moms company, wich my brother also contributed to but let the blame to me ofc, i was already the punch bag of the family what is one more thing. My brothers were always my moms “ babies “ even tho one was already a full grown ass man and the other was already on his way. My brother did nothing at home , didnt take the dog outside, didnt take out the trash, didnt make food, didnt wash the dishes, didnt clean the house, basicly sit on his ass all day playing video games and eating, and selling my shit for money. My brother was unemployed for 3/4 years in between those i studied and worked at the same time , and did all the house chores, even if i had to walk the dog as 2/3 am after work i would have to, even tho my brother was in bed all day. My mom would literally yell at me and make my life a living hell and threaten to hit me if i didnt do it or even dared to complain. I would get home trying to study , trying to recorver at school ,and she would yell non stop until i didn every house chore, wich i would only manage to finish at midnight or later, and then id be too tired and unmotivated to do anything so id just sleep, and id always get late to class thanks to that. When my brothers started working, it was at my dads wearehouse, where i was forced to work too. Id work 8 to 10 hours , sometimes more, because we got payed by publicity stock packs, each pack was worth 1 euro, wich also 1 pack took 1 hour and 15/20 minutes to make. So if i wanted to make the day worth anything i had to rush , no eating breaks or pee breakes. My hands at the end of the day would literally be filled with newspaper and printed paper ink and dirk, and tons of cuts and sores , that would be leeched in paper ink, wich make it hurt even more at the end of the day, and was really hard to take it out. My brother would take breaks every 30 minutes to smoke , be on his phone or even go to bathroom or eat randomly, i wouldnt stop the 8 hours straight, and when i actually had to go to the bathroom or eat something because id get sick, my brother literally stole packs from me, or try to “ negociate my help for X “, the thing about my brother is that hed always try to negociate something , ofc it was always entangled for his own benefit and not both.

So it was like this my brother came up to me all excited and say “ oh if you do this to help me , ill split the profit that way we will make more and will be less exausting “ stupid like i was id always give in, specially because if i didnt  hed steal anyway.... Hed always change his methods and works, and guilty me if i didnt do it, so id always have to do so. If i didnt hed just change the pack registration list either way, without me even seeing it, and fake my signature, i only found out we had to sign an official paper a few months later when my dad asked, before that my brother would always tell me to note them on my phone then send the numbers by the end of the week, and since he was the bosses son , every one backed up that story ofc.  Eventually when i started to get older , i cut ties with my brothers and dad. And my ( midle ) brother was constantly trying to reach out and play nice and shit , also he was still working at the wearhouse . Anyway , fast forward when i got unemployed after the 5 star hotel due to rape attent and shit like that, i was unemplyoyed for 4 moths?! My brother tried to reach out , and even came home before my mother to try and persuade me to enter one of his schemes, i explained to my brother that i didnt have any money and that i wouldnt believe anymore of his stupid schemes and blah blah. He swore he was only trying to make up to me , and the plan was , i would pretend to work at my dads  wearehouse, but i would just be there 2 times a week and he would give me a cut of the protfit, coz if he didnt want my dad to hire some random slow guy, so he set up to do a two persons work, and give me 30 % of the monthy rate and all i had to do is show up a few times for my dad to see i was there, and then go home. That motherfucker insisted for 3 days straight promissing it wasnt a scheme and that he was serious this time. OBVIOUSLY THAT DIDNT HAPPEN OBVIOUSLY- with the last 10 euros i had, i bought train tickers to the wearhouse, the first week he actually stick to his word, a few days later the shit started, he actualy forced me to deliver shit and stuff. Wich for me was really difficult because its when i started to develop hernias, and the pain was too overwhealming, and that fucker didnt care and still forced me to, eventually i told him i was out , and found out he still used my name in his shit plan  and pretended i was still working there to my dad for two whole months , and then begged me to lie to my dad on the phone, hed literally call me before my dad trying to get me to lie, and promissing the money, and hed ask my mom to pressure my to help him. What could i do??!! what happend after you may ask? did my brother gave me the money? OFC NO ! NO! He gave me 115 euros of the cut , and he made 996 euros to himself. And told me it was only for the days “ i actually worked “  NEVER IN MY LIFE  I VERBALLY EVER SAID TO ANYONE , FAMILY OR NOT  “ I hope you die, you are shit , you are nothing to me , seriously i hope you die “ and acually meant it and wished it. For the first time in my life i actually wished so hard for my brother to just die. I was done, i was officialy done , i had never been so done with someone. I was officialy done with my family. I blocked my dad on everything, i told my dad to fuck off. I told my older brother to fuck off. I told my middle brother to go die. And the last person was my dying grandma who was a snob ass piece of shit who only gave a shit about me when i was a little girl ( because its only cute when they r kids  ), to stop trying to call me and told her to just go and die. She literally sent me a voice message of 5 minutes crying beggin me to see her, and i just told her to go and die, its not because she is dying that is gonna erase the fact that she didnt gave a shit about me after i actually grown. And the fact that i did this apparently scared the shit out my dad and brothes, specially because i did it so naturally. AND TO THIS DAY I DONT REGRET WHAT I SAID AND I STILL DONT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HER. OH AND PLOT TWIST SHES NOT DEAD NOR WAS SHE DYING, LAST YEAR SHE TRIED TO SCHEME MONEY OUT OF MY MOM, AND BEFORE THAT SHE WOULD ALWAYS TREAT MY MOM LIKE SHIT AN CALL HER NAMES, FUNNY ! Now they try to sneak into my life really AGAIN ... ffs Since the end of last year, apparently my brother turned into reiki and yoga and shit and is now driving a motivational fuck page for people who wanna “ grow spiritually and open the third eye “ and is trying to reconnect with me again, obviously i cut him off before he could even talk to me. So he spent 3 months or so , coming here and trying, and since he didnt get anything since january and february hes trying to manipulate me behind my mother, my mother is venting to my brother about me being closed off to them , and my brother is DIAGNOSING ME AS A PROBLEM, BECAUSE HE IS SO WISE AND ENLIGHTED... WTF??? diagnosing me??? ur not a fucking therapist you asshole ! The other day i heard him tell my mother in the living room , that “ SHE CANT LIVE LIKE THIS ITS VERY TOXIC FOR HER, SHE HAS TO TALK TO YOU AND BE A BETTER SISTER AND DAUGHTER SHE NEEDS TO BLAH BLAH YOU NEED TO KICK HER OUT IF SHE IS LIVING OFF YOU  “ WHAT THE FUCK?? im living off my mother?? the woman that forced me to give her more than half of my paycheck, thats doesnt give me privacy or respect and that literally threatned me if i ever tried to leave that she would chase me down???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OR SEND ME TO A MENTAL HOSPITAL????!!!! ... My older brother is doing the same, keeps trying to get me to go visit his kid, and to meet his kid, keeps trying to get my mother to see pictures of the kid or to call them. They keep trying to guilty me “ oh you cant take it out on the kid, its not the kids fault , he needs to know his aunt, you are his family “ BITCH FAMILY?????? FAMILY??? family doesnt mean shit. Yesterday even sent photos of his kid trought a new number LOL. I actually did went to the kids birthday, first time a few months ago, and guess what , my brother still the NO ONE ASKED- OPINIONATED asshole he was about my whole life, he literally takes one glimpse of me and judges my whole life and starts yelling shit at me ...ofc thats not gonna happend again. People dont change. People. dont. change. PEOPLE DONT CHANGE ! BITCH ?? WHAT? WHO THE FCK?? HOW THE FUCK??? In conclusion my brother is still the same piece of shit he was , and now even more narcisistic, and manipulative, he cant get what he wants from me , so now hes resourting to my mother again. I NEED TO LEAVE THIS HOUSE, I NEED TO LEAVE THIS FAMILY OMFG. Funny enough he does this shit then tries to get me to go to his house to celebrate his birthday because he “ MISSES ME AND THE OLD DAYS” ???? OLD DAYS OF YOU MENTALY ABUSING ME ? NOT TO MENTION THAT YOU ALMOST BROKE MY ARM BECAUSE I WOULDNT LEND YOU MY COMPUTER 3 YEARS AGO????? my mom literally told him we were gonna go there without even asking me if i wanted or even if i was gonna go. LOL, shes trying to emotionally manipulate me with older pictures of me and him , and games we would play together LOL. OMFG PLEASE SOME ONE, I DONT EVEN KNOW I NEED TO DIE OMFG... I CANT TAKE THIS FAMILY ANYMORE.

[ren-val]

Depeche Mode - The Wheel (another one of my faves) just show me what you can do

“Im gonna do something short“ I said, you know, like a liar. I don’t have enough of these fools. And this time is not as angsty, but at the same time is harsher. I tried to convey all the emotions, and I just... wow, this is the kinda things Depeche Mode makes you do, right?

He was laying down in the bed, the room dark and cold, his hands still marked with the scorching ashes left by angelfire, his soul drained by the sheer magnitude of what he and Valerian had done.

“Ethan?“

His mind was too tired to even register the fact that he was not alone. That he had not been alone in years, that he was not alone when he killed his sire and drank his blood.

“Ethan, please answer me“

There was concern in that voice. The most sincere, sweet and disgusting form of concern. One that made him snarl and shiver. It almost made him puke, but he was no fledgling vampire anymore, if anything, those wild days of rebellion were over.

And it scared the shit out of him.

“What?“ 

He spitted towards the closed door.

He heard a sigh, one that made his heart ache. The sound of fingers touching the door, a forehead against the wood. The sounds of caring. Cloying and smothering and so, so very fragile. They make him feel nausea, and fear, and a thousand other things he wanted to burn and forget.

“I am worried about you. A lot”

Of course he was worried. Valerian was always worried. He didn’t understand why; things were simple. They had killed the wretched old pervert: Ethan had slashed his throat and then Valerian burned him to a crisp with angelfire. Simple. Extremely simple.

“I am fine”

He wasn’t. There was a void. A huge, gaping void where decades of hatred and minutes of joy had lived. It was going to eat his soul whole, but he didn’t care much. He wasn’t given much of a choice when born or raised or embraced, there had always been the desires of others…

“You are not. I know you’re not fine”

There it was, the desire to control, masquerading as caring. He had killed the fucker who had harmed him. And he was fine. He was tired of thinking, and of feeling that now he had no idea what to do and where to go. He was never someone of plans and ideas. That was for those who believed in some shit. Like Valerian.

“Oh yeah? How the fuck do you know?”

He growled and snarled, his eyes stinging from tears he didn’t want to shed. Tears that no one deserved. The old pervert was dead, and it what was mattered. That he had screamed in pain and yelled for mercy … but still dared to claim that all he had done was out of love. Disgusting. Pathetic. Revenge stained by a sliver of weakness.

Weakness, that’s what he felt when Valerian whispered behind the closed door. 

“Because you haven’t called me princess in days”

It was something stupid, small and ridiculous. But the tone in which Valerian spoke was not the whimper of a scorned puppy, but the clear voice of a darkborn. He was not begging for an explanation: he was telling a fact. It was a harsh reminder that, as much as Ethan liked to forget it, Valerian acted different with him.

“Why? Do you miss it? Ok princess, now leave me alone”

Ethan almost retched at the realization that he did not want to say that. He embraced the poison and weightlessness of his own words: he didn’t want Valerian to see him like that. He didn’t want anyone to care about him. He wanted to throw himself at the hands of fate, to give himself up in a plate so he could stop feeling so numb and hurt at the same time.

He heard Valerian sigh 

“Do you really want to be alone?”

It was another stupid question. So, so stupid it made him cry; Ethan did not know what to answer. He wanted to be alone so no one would see his weakness, he wanted to be with someone just to fight them and feel strong, but most of all, Ethan wanted the pain to stop. He wanted to feel as he did before, angry and full of life, eager for revenge and pain and pleasure. Anything but empty.

“I don’t fucking know”

He heard his own voice breaking. Pathetic. He slashed his lips with his fangs, biting down until a bloodied whimper escaped from his mouth. He had his revenge, the fucker was dead, and all he was feeling was emptiness: he had killed his sire, as he had killed other bastards before. But those were the bastards who had accepted him somehow, and it was the man who said that loved him, that had always loved him.

He heard nothing, and for a moment he thought Valerian had left him alone, and instead of feeling relieved, he felt abandoned. And then heartbroken. And then angry at himself for even thinking Valerian would really care for his weakness. He felt the mental lash of insults and hatred flaying his psyche; the names, the humiliations, the violations…

“You don’t deserve this pain”

He raised his face and focused for a moment: Valerian was still behind the door, crying.

“You have not done anything that made you deserve it”

It was just a whisper, but something in those words hit him harder than any scream, than any insult, than any snarl or moan. Ethan tried to speak, but nothing came out but a strangled cry. The taste of his own blood numbing his tongue and his senses. His tears felt like molten light across his cheeks, and for a second he thought they would scar him.

“How do you know?”

In spite of his pain, he stood up, trying to breathe and to stand up as usual, even if everything felt as if made of shattered glass. He barely managed to sit in the bed, looking at the door and trying to not become undone. He wanted to close the door forever; he wanted Valerian to leave, even if he knew that would throw him into a bottomless pit of despair.

“Because you had countless chances to show your true nature, and you have only shown bravery, passion an-”

“NO”

His was the roar of a wounded beast, full of pain and terror. His broken voice even hoarser now more than ever, and his tears falling freely; as if everything in him has been transmuted into pain.

“It was all a lie. All of it. There is no shit like that. I am nothing like that. There is something bad in me. I cannot be loved. I am bad. And weak. And stupid. Worthless. I am worthless and everyone hates me but not if I HATE THEM FIRST”

His last roars were marked by the pain of his nails slashing his own skin. More of his own blood filling the air, now mixed with the holy scent of ashes and the salty tang of tears. he wanted to disappear, but he also wanted to go outside and run. He wanted to open the door and kiss Valerian, and he also wanted to make him go away forever. But instead of that, Ethan cried, each small gesture a source of suffering, all emotions becoming pain. 

“And you are the worst of all, Valerian” He cursed “You care and you listen and you make me think that things can be different. You behave like you’re the best, when you’re the fucking worst that has ever happened to me. I was fine until you decided to come into my life. I was fine until you started to fucking care”

Because that was the main problem, he thought: one day he was a rebel and a jerkass, and after one night he had become a part of something. He had started to think about someone else instead of just going along the motions. In each drop of blood was the realization that this was the first time in his life as an embraced that he had trusted someone who was not the fucking pervert. And that felt awful.

“You can leave if you wish”

Once more, the cold finality of Valerian’s voice startled him. There was the strained tone of tears, and there was no signal that the darkborn had moved. Until the unmistakable sounds of steps turning away from the door caused Ethan to panic; the surge of fear and hatred turning inwards, his inner monologue becoming a tattered mess of pleas and promises. Trembling, he stood up and opened the door aggressively, expecting the worst.

In the middle of the corridor, looking at him through a silent veil of tears, was Valerian. His face marked by sadness and ashes, somehow more angelic and dirty than ever before. The sight almost made Ethan roar in anger, but he was not able, too lost in the look of infinite sadness and worry that marked the face of his companion.

“Why do you hate me so much?”

His question sounded like a whine instead of a proper sentence. But it was sincere, it was the main and almost only thought in his mind. Because he felt as if Valerian did, as if he wanted him gone, as if he didn’t care at all, as if anything Ethan ever did was not good enough. He hated the darkborn, and he also didn’t want him to ever, ever leave.

“I have never hated you Ethan”

“Then why the fuck do you want me to leave?” He scoffed

Valerian shook his head “I do not want you to leave. I want…” He paused for a moment, sighing deeply “I want you to be happy, I want you to be free. I want you to be you”

Ethan looked down, more confused than ever “And who the fuck am I?”

He pressed his back to the wall, all anger and fury dissolving like ash in the rain. All of the things that had happened were barely dawning on his head, his body battered by both battle and emotional onslaught. He asked a question for which he had no answer, not even a simple glimpse of an idea. He looked into the room, seeing the portrait of himself that Valerian had put there in lieu of a mirror, and laughed bitterly.

“Ethan, you are an embraced. Brave, passionate, and courageous.”

“I don’t feel like anything of what you’ve said” He declared “I don’t feel like anything, really. Whoever you’re talking about wanted to live and get revenge on a fucking weirdo who did bad things to him. Me? I have no idea who I am.     Except that I am a worthless son of a bitch who somehow tricked you into this shitstorm”

The void in his heart returned, but subdued and less painful. As if a great weight had been lifted from his chest; and even if the distraught gestured of Valerian made him nervous, he felt way better, even if he felt empty. He said no more, and neither did the darkborn. Instead they just looked at each other, longing for an answer that neither had.

“I do not know what to do to help you” Valerian admitted, as if in pain.

“It’s not like you can actually do it, but...” he wondered, too tired to even gather a coherent thought “I prefer you controlling things, when you are behind all of this, instead of me. At least for now, I’m going cheap”

Ethan opened his arms, both as a way to release and as an invitation, and Valerian took it. They embraced, as closely as they could, still surrounded by confusion and pain and emptiness, but at least together. There were no answers, and a lot of questions in the air, but it felt as if a storm had been pushed for another day. A catastrophe averted by virtue of exhaustion on one part, and compassion on the other.

“We better try to sleep, it is almost dawn and you have been going around since sundown”

“Sure. Just… drive, pull my strings, tell me what the hell to do. I don’t know anything, except that I am yours to keep, princess”

Valerian sighed, almost smiling, and in their shared embrace, carried him to bed.

[thewritingstar]

The Assassin Code

A KiriBaku Multi Chap Au

Summary:  Bakugou is known by many names. he's a hunter, a killer a top paid assassin and his new task is to kill the beast that lurks in the kingdom of Ekon. What happens when a paid assassin realizes that maybe he is not hunting a beast but a hot and thoughtful man?

I’m really proud of this first chapter so I hope you all enjoy! Its already up on A03 and that link is on another post. 

Chapter One: The Journey Begins.

--------

Bakugo entered the gates of the temple, he knew why he was here, he always did. He became a known name, well if you knew who to ask, doing the dirty work for the lords and ladies across kingdoms and digging into the riches they provided for his services. He was a master of weapons, a cunning foe like a fox, and an expert at manipulation, maybe that's why assassination came so easy. He had blocked his emotion years ago, watching your parents die at the hands of a dictator really messes you up and he vowed to kill the blood of the corrupted.

He had shut himself off from the world, only emerging from the shadows to strike a sword or arrows into his prey. Like a plague, he spread and killed silently and was gone without a trace. He was known across the lands, but was never seen.

He was escorted towards the throne room where his client would be. Taking the time to gather information he looked around the hallways he traveled. Golden portraits of the king's face line the halls and his family was everywhere too. One of the faces he hated was plaster on the wall. The prince of this castle was none other than a duo haired boy who expressed nothing but a scowl and rumor had that he had gone missing months ago. “Probably someone who could ruin his name.” Bakugou thought as he glared at the pictures, only someone of extreme high status would parade their face around.

Bakugou hated all royalty, that was just his nature. But they were rich and paid to have him take care of things so as long as he could get a paycheck, the crowns were no threat. He had done it all. Kill kings, murder mages and suffocate sirens. It didn’t matter to him, the only rule was they had to be evil, no innocent person would be slayed, that was the assassin code. But royalty was different. He knew the man who he was about to see was a crook as well so in no time he would probably be paid to take him down too and move the throne line faster. That's how it worked, like a network of webs, Bakugo was the spider and no one knew he that all the spun silk lead to him. He wasn’t the only assassin, just one of the best.

He went by many names, no matter where he went, he was always referred as something new. The Killer, The Crimson Blade, The Hunter, Lord Explosion Murder, he liked that one the best. In fact no one knew his real name and he was going to keep it like that. A dark hood swallowed his body as his deadly ruby red eyes were the only seen feature. The ones that held emptiness as his victims fell to his leather boots. He carried his sword on his hip and a bow under his cape. Weapons were hidden everywhere but he is also skilled in magic.

Finally he reached the throne room, a guard opened it and Bakugos patience was already wearing thin. The door closed and he was left standing in front of the king. King Endeavor of the Ignatius Empire. He knew he possessed the power to wield fire but he wasn’t intimidated in the slightest, he had fought many foes and won every time, a little bit of flame wouldn’t scare him.

“You must be Red Shadow.” The king stated and Bakugou held back an eye roll. He learned the hard way to keep quiet and take the task, ask only the important questions and get out. He nodded and the king lead them to a table and chairs. He would keep his temper in check for now and release his fury on the prey.

Bakugo sat and set his sword on the table letting the king know that he was prepared. It was crafted out of the toughest steel and the jewels that forged into the handle were made from the drops of blood from the man who killed his parents. It was a reminder; Bakugou always won.

A map made of dusty partridge was set in front of him. “The village is called Ekon, north of the banished woods is where you will find the man to kill.” Endeavor pointed and Bakugou thought it was the shittiest map ever made.

“Guilty?” Bakugou asked, he needed to know if the person he would kill would actually be evil or if it was a petty argument he had no time for.

“Extremely. You see the king and queen here had a son once-” Bakugou raised his hand.

“I don’t kill children.” He stopped him.

“Well luckily he is a man now. Well more a monster. You see he was born with a quality as one would say. Razor sharp teeth those of a man eating shark that taint the seas. Bloody claws that scratch at the throats of its victims, he is no child, hell he killed his own parents.” The king spat.

Bakugou straighten his back, his eyes held a deadly glare. Kill his own parents? “Why do you want him dead?”

“There have been rumors that he has sent his men to disrupt kingdoms and as a large one myself, I’d rather keep my village safe and peaceful for the time.” The king shrugged, his crown was made of heavy gold and had multiple rare jewels so he knew this would pay well. The thought came clear as a small velvet sack was laid in front of him.

Bakugo stared at it. “Please open it. I'm hiring the best and I want the job done right.” He opened it and smirked wildly but the king couldn’t see it. It would probably pay off half of the villages debt but he gladly collected it.

“Anything else?” Bakugou asked as he stood and secured the payment in his hidden bag.

“Don’t die.” Endeavor said and Bakugou let out a scoff.

Red eyes glared at the kings. Die? Did this fucker think that some beast could take me?

“I lost a group of my best guards to him. That's why you are here and I expect that iron claw to be on this table once you’re done. No time limit, just get it done.”

“No time limit?” That was a first. Usually he had a deadline but he would be quick anyways. In and out was the best way to do it.

“That kingdom is far, i’d rather have the job be done properly or not at all.” The king shrugged.

“And what if i just run off with the pay?”

The king laughed and looked back at the cloaked man. “I have more money than the three surrounding places combined, there is always someone better, so I'll just kill you.”

“Like hell you will.” Bakugou spat and when the king turned back, he was gone.

--

The velvet paycheck dropped onto the table with a thud. Huffing Bakugou removed his dark cloak and realized that he was sweating immensely. “Stupid fucking cape, can’t fucking breathe in this shit.” He complained and tossed it to the floor.

“Here.” A bowl of what seemed like stew was placed in front of him. He looked up to see Denki.

“Why are you here?” Bakugou grumbled.

“Because I can be dumb ass. Also I robbed Endeavor.” Denki smirked. He placed a dusty sack of jewels next to Bakugou's. “Belonged to the prince but since he's gone missing, no one was keeping guard of his room,quite the mistake on their part.” The blonde thief smirked as he ran a hand through his hair, dusting over his black strands that represented his electric charge.

Denki was one of Bakugou few thieving companions, if you can even call him that. After almost getting his weapons stolen and Denki almost dying at his sword, the pair had become an acceptable duo to take from the rich, like robin hood but with more blood and torture.

Denki, like Bakugou witnessed the death of his mother. He was born as a slave to a rich family in another land but after they killed his mother, he used his magic of electricity and light forming to steal and murder the family. After that he lived village to village until Bakugou and him set up camp in a scheduled part of the woods. A place hard to reach and out of sight, perfect for a pair of bandits. Although those weren’t the only two in the gang. Now he spent his time as a bandit, he didn’t kill often but was no wimp when it came to blood.

Sero was a master of the deadly art of torture. He used his magic of possession to hold the whips and chains that would be used to torture his prey, bad people to pay the price. However he only came by rarely as he was sought out publicly by many royals. He time was spent in dungeons, destroying the corpses of those imprisoned. Dirty work belonged on the hands of someone in the shadows. Someone who couldn’t get caught.

Lastly was the mage named Mina. Her specialty lied in her used of potions and deadly substances. She worked mostly with Denki as she could ease a guard to sleep with spells or even transform the moats surrounding a castle into poison water, not to mention the acid and spite that leaked from her fingers, gloves were a caution but she was a silent killer. She was a traveler, always leaving to find supply and had the connections in underground bandit ring.

Together they all traveled to do the dirty work of others. Outside of their ‘work’ they were quite interesting people but kept to the shadows and themselves for safety, even they didn’t know who the others were fully and that's how it would stay. They all were given other names,

“You robbed him while I was there?” Bakugou snapped. It was a careless move but Denki craved for the adrenaline rush. Like an electric eel, he was on the move for the next kill.

“Kinda. Before you arrived. Just in case.” Bakugou rolled his eyes and scarfed down the food in front of him. “I’m not dumb enough to do it afterwards.”

Denki saw the velvet bag and the duty map next to it. Picking it up he examined the trail.

“I assume you are going to be on killing leave?” Denki asked and he was met with a nod. “I adjusted your dagger. When you push the button venom will leak. Easy kill.”

“I heard a conversation, a group of nobles are coming in a few days. Perfect time to rob.” Bakugou told him and Denki nodded.

“Ekon?” Denki flicked the page.

“You heard of it?” Bakugou asked. Denki nodded.

“Guy who rules it is called the Red Riot, heard tales of his hardening magic, practically invincible. If he's the one you’re after you might want to stop at Frops, maybe one of her potions could stop him.”

“I don’t need your help Sparks.” He growled but made a mental note.

“Yeah, yeah I know. Gotta run, thanks for the tip.”

The blonde assassin huffed as Denki left as silently as he came, probably going to the pub for a drink, he didn’t know and didn’t care.

He got up and made his plan to pack, soon an iron claw would sit on the kings table and he would go to the next mission. It was a routine he had been doing since he was a boy, one he knew that would end his life but death had ceased to get its hands on the former assassin.

---- It was safer to travel at nightfall. Bakugou decided not to bring anyone from his gang of bandits. Sometimes he would on bigger projects but this was just one man, or beast for that matter. Plus he was easily annoyed with any company and preferred the silently whispers of the wind. Based on the map, Bakugou made the decision to travel all throughout the night until he reached the town one over from his designated area. A village that was known as Wild Lily Musk. The name came from the overwhelming aroma of the bog that was covered in beautiful yet deadly water lilies that emitted a potent gas.

Hours had past as his legs burned from walking so far. The woods were full of spiny plants and although he could mange in the dark, his calves were scrapped a little. Luckily he didn’t encounter any low life thieves who would try to steal his goods and no animals tried to take him down as a meal.

The cold air of the night fell off of him as he removed his cape before entering the small inn. It was quiet and the only person there was an employee. He recognized the woman sitting at the desk trying to stay awake as her eyes tried to doze off. The bell chimed and the frog like eyes of the woman blinked before she stood and smiled.

“Ribbit. Bakugou. Ribbit.” The woman spoke or croaked. Bakugou was not the friendliest, quite the opposite actually. Even in his daily form, he had the glare of a demon. He hated the noise that came from people and only restored to interacting when he had too. He had exceptions but even then it was half-assed kindness.

“Froppy.” He huffed. The first time he had encounters the Frog Mage, he was trapped in the dreaded bog. She had helped him and in return he hunted down the man who stole from her family, since then they had a mutual relationship, he stayed at the inn for free and he did their dirty work for no pay. It was rare but useful. She didn’t know he was an assassin, and it was going to stay like that.

“Ribbit. Room 3. Ribbit.” She croaked. She passed him the key and he placed a emerald on the desk. “Ribbit, you don’t-”

“Take the damn thing. I don’t have time for payback.” He snatched the key and made his way up the creaky stairs.

“There's fresh muffins in the kitchen. Ribbit.” She called as she examined the precious jewel closely. It was an expensive payment, one that would pay for the inns doors for a few months, Bakugou knew that.

“Whatever” He yawned but they both knew he would take a few before he left in the morning.

The inn was damp and musty. The view from the window was bare and boring and since it was dark and he wanted people to mind their own fucking business, he kept the burlap curtains closed. The scent in the air loomed from the deadly bog, everyone in the town had developed a mutation, giving them the qualities of the swamp inhabitants. The Frog Mage was just one of the many who was granted that look, luckily Bakugou wasn’t staying long so the air wouldn’t taint his blood stream.

Flopping onto the bed, he took out the scrolls that had Ekon knowledge on it. He had stolen it from the records of the library but that didn’t matter, no one had even touched them.

“What the fuck?” Bakugou examined the first scroll. Written on the parchment was a poem, no a tale of what he assumed was about the child.

. A child born with the strength of a thousand knights. Armored from head to toe. Sharp like a sword and swift as the streams, he was a deadly creation. The darkness covered the kingdom as blood from the beloved king and queen spilled from the child's iron claws. Locked away in the tower he stayed, ruling with fear and a deadly glare. He stayed there, never to be seen. A child turned to beast. .

“So the flame brain was right?” Bakugou huffed and read more about the history before shutting his eyes knowing he had to get up and travel some more before the sun rose. After a few grueling minutes of little information, he threw the scrolls on the bedside table and let sleep take over for a few hours.

Before the sun could casts its golden rays onto the village of Wild Lily Musk, Bakugou was already up and heading down stairs. The frog mage was asleep in the chair so he gave a firm knock on the desk.

“Ahh-oh Bakugou. Ribbit.” Froppy croaked. The key was given back.

“I need a potion, something I can use to immobilize someone. The dumb ass blonde said you got something so make it quick.” He stated. She blinked and tilted her head.

“Hmmm, Ribbit. Let me go get it.” She disappeared behind the door and he could hear the clinking of glasses and bottles as she shuffled through the mess. He leaned against the inns lobby desk and looked at the pictures on the wall. His frown never left as his eyes traced over the many photos. It was the frog mages family and even a few friends, none of which he knew nor cared.

He turned back and snatched the potion out of her hand before putting it into his woven bag. “This better work.” He growled and she blinked again before handing him a muffin.

“It does. Ribbit. Just don’t spill it on you or you will be stopped too. Ribbit. Lasts an hour. Ribbit.” She said and the little bell jingled as he disappeared into the night. ---- Daylight arrived as Bakugou reached the town of Ekon. A small village that looked to have no inhabits.

“What the fuck?” He questioned as he looked inside the window of a nearby shop. Dusty coated every aspect and it seems like the town had been abandoned for months. Usually a town even as small of this was bustling with noise but everything was quiet almost as if sound was illegal.

He continued looking through the stores and worn down homes, even breaking in and taking some supplies along the way. In the center of town was a statue. Crafted from iron was a sculpture of a man and woman. Dead flowers rotted beneath it as ivy and weeds crept up the metallic sides. Bakugou pulled of some weeds to reveal a plague.

. For the king and queen of Ekon .

“What is this, a grave?” He asked but kept walking. In the distance he saw the castle and decide to get a move on so he could kill his prey. A shiver ran up his spine as he climbed up the hill side through the thick trees, he couldn’t risk getting spotted. He was a professional after all.

As he neared the castles wall the smell of rust and sulfur filled his nose and he almost gagged. He covered his mouth with his cloaked hand and coughed loudly as his lungs became full of the scent. He paused and leaned against a thick oak tree, taking a moment to establish a plan to get inside and catch his breath.

“Window there, there and there. Easy.” He smirked and resumed his walking. Small twigs snapped under his leather boots and the sun has become soaked up into the dark fabric making him sweat more than he already was. He didn’t see any guards as he came closer and wondered if anyone was here at all. Suddenly his vision blurred as he was whisked into the sky.

“What the fuck!” He yelled as rope rubbed against his ankle. His body began tied up into a next and struggled to break free. He felt like a mouse just caught in a trap. “Shit” He cursed knowing that being caught was the last thing he needed. Hopefully they wouldn’t know who he was. He needed a plan fast.

“Are you alright?” A voice came from below. He couldn’t see as his cloak had covered his eyes and his hands were pushed to his sides. He tried to wiggle free again but it only seemed to tighten his position and burn the rope further into his skin.

“I’m fine.” He growled but felt his body lowering to the ground, his back hit the moss floor of the forest and he finally could take his dreaded cloak off.

As his vision cleared he came face to face with a hand that offered to help him up. Grunted he pushed it away and stood up on his own, dusting off the dead leaves and chunks of bark caught onto the fabric of his pants. “I said I was fine.” He snapped and pulled his sword out and aimed it at the face of the mysterious man.

A man his age stood with his arms up and oddly a smile. One that had sharp fangs. Bakugou looked him over. Broad shoulders and lots of muscle like him. He wore only a vest so Bakugou averted his eyes so he wasn’t staring at the mans bare abs. He would be lying if he didn’t think he was attractive but he just glared at him.

“I know but it's better to get help plus that is one hard trapped to get out of. Anyways you seemed lost, please follow me and lets treat that wound of yours.” He pointed to Bakugou's leg where a deep red gash was. The firm rope had torn his flesh and the pain just got to him. He winced as he looked down and gritted his teeth.

“Nah I don’t need help, especially from someone with such shitty hair.” He nodded and the man rolled his eyes and let out a laugh. A strange feeling swept through him as he heard the laugh, there was something about this man that intrigued him but he was on a mission.

“You’re funny. Come let's go.” he walked past Bakugou, not bothering to care about the sword pointed at his face. “Oh and I don't think you should insult the man who just saved your cute ass.” He winked and Bakugou's blood ran hot as he followed him.

"So whats your name?" The red haired man asked. He skillfully guided them through the woods and to the clearing of the cobblestone path.

Bakugou debated on telling him. Maybe it would be best to get close into the castle so he could have easy access to the beast. Plus no one knew his real name anyways. "Bakugou." He spat and kept his small dagger out just in case the man pulled any funny business. they stopped at the giant oak door, the one that would lead him inside his enemy's home.

"A cute name for a cute man.' he heard him flirt and the tips of his ears matched the color of his eyes.

"Yeah and what about yours?" Bakugou asked. The man turned and leaned against the door flexing his muscles slightly and Bakugou noticed.

"Names Red Riot but you," he looked Bakugou up and down. "Can call me Kirishima." He smirked and opened the door.

Bakugou stopped in his tracks and gulped. "Fuck" He whispered as he followed the man he was suppose to kill into his domain.

---

I hope you enjoyed!

[timeisacephalopod]

Regarding ideas for after Inimitable, perhaps WinterIron Space Au? Setting it on another/multiple planets would leave plenty of room for worldbuilding. If Space is too open of a prompt, mermay is going on right now, so perhaps something with mermaids? No matter what you end up doing, I look forward to reading it! I always enjoy your writing.

I kept this around because I wanted to write a mermaid AU for you (and because I don’t typically write creatures like that so its a challenge). After seeing The Shape of Water I told myself I ain’t no monster fucker here I am writing a fuckin Shape of Water AU featuring Tony/ Rhodey. I have no clue if you even like that pairing but Ive had the idea floating around for some time so here goes. Sidenote: This got ridiculously long.

***

Rhodey is probably lucky that Sam has his back otherwise he’d be late to work every day. He has no idea how he manages given that he gets up on time every day, leaves with plenty of time to get to work every day, and yet he still only manages to punch in barely on time. “Rhodey, you seriously need to get your shit together,” Sam mumbles at him, handing him his punch in card. 

He sighs, punching in, and sticking his card in the right slot. “I told you, I always leave with time to spare but this always happens,” he says. “Thanks though.”

Sam gives him a look but allows Rhodey his excuses before they set off with their daily tasks. Its the same shit every day and Rhodey has to deal with the fact that he’s smarter than everyone else in this fucking building. Sam too- while all the white guys were trying to figure out the math he and Sam usually have all their problems solved and then they’ve solved unanticipated problems with the new math before anyone even figures out the initial problem. But being smart and black isn’t exactly easy and even when Rhodey did manage to convince someone to listen to his solutions they resented him for having a solution to begin with.

So he and Sam clean things even though they’re way more qualified to do the jobs around them than the people currently working literally any other position. But Sam makes the work fun at least so when they’re outside of the prying eyes of those around them they talk about everything and anything under the sun. They’re talking about which color is the beset color when they’re interrupted rudely.

They get their orders to go clean a usually classified space and Sam exchanges a look with him before they shrug and move off to do their jobs. “You ever wonder if they send us to do these jobs because they think we’re too stupid to understand what we’re looking at?” Sam asks in a low voice as they move down the hall with their cleaning cart.

“I know for a fact that’s why we get these jobs,” Rhodey says.

“Too bad no one else likes black people either- it’d be kind of nice to sell these assholes out to prove a point,” Sam says.

“Probably not worth the results though,” Rhodey points out. “Better to just deal.”

Sam lets out a long sigh and they let themselves into the room they’re sent to clean. Rhodey’s eyebrows shoot up and he doesn’t have to look at Sam to know he’s had the same reaction. “What the hell happened here?” Sam asks softly.

Rhodey looks over the large amount of blood and water in the room and shakes his head. “I have no idea,” he says softly. They slowly set to work, cautious in case whatever it was that resulted in all the blood was still around. It takes awhile before Sam lets out a yell and jumps back, catching Rhodey’s attention. He looks over and raises an eyebrow. “Is that…?”

“A finger? Yeah. That’s… nasty,” he says. Rhodey wrinkles his nose and grabs a bag from the cart and carefully holds it open for Sam. He looks at the finger, than the bag, and back at the finger again before he raises an eyebrow. “You expect me to pick that thing up?” Sam asks and Rhodey shrugs.

“You found it, you deal with it,” he says.

“Yeah, I found it, you deal with it. I did my dues almost stepping on that thing,” he says.

“I am not touching that thing. You found it, your problem.” Rhodey rustles the bag a little and Sam gives him a dirty look, gingerly leaning forward so he can pick the finger up. He all but throws it at Rhodey, who lets out a loud yell and fumbling a little but ultimately catches the severed digit in the bag. “You are nasty. You can take this thing to its owner now, I want nothing to do with it,” he says, wrinkling his whole face in disgust.

Sam rolls his eyes, “fine, but you get stuck dealing with the mess,” he says and Rhodey sighs. 

“Fine,” he mumbles. A quick glance around tells him its not that much work, but its enough work that its time consuming. Sam runs off and Rhodey sets to work on the floor, mumbling to himself as he sets to work mopping. 

He’s almost done the floor when he notices movement out of the corner of his eye. At first he thinks Sam might have taken pity on him but he realizes the movement is from the wrong part of the room. When he looks over he doesn’t find anything so he goes back to work. It takes a few more moments but the movement happens again and this time when Rhodey looks over he catches what caused the movement.

Its… shocking to look at. Some kind of fish… man… thing. The red and gold scales are quite striking though, and so are the long, gossamer fins fluttering around his body. Its the gash in his side that catches Rhodey’s attention though because its darkening the water around it as blood leaves the body of the man in the tank.

The fish looks down, covering the wound with his hand before he swims off. Rhodey frowns, unsure what to do.

***

Its a whim to cook more eggs than he usually eats in the morning and its more of a whim to eat lunch in a room he isn’t supposed to be in but he also knows no one will look there for him. Its rare that people paid much attention to the help around them. He sits at the edge of the pond like space in the middle of the room, curious to see if its connected to the tank he last saw the fish guy in. He settles in, eyes on the tank as he eats his eggs.

That’s probably why he doesn’t notice the fish man sneak up on him, swimming quietly enough that Rhodey jumps when a scaly hand reaches out of the water and snatches one of his eggs off the side of the pond before swimming off, far less quiet about his retreat. Rhodey settles himself back in after a moment of watching the water before he turns his back to the pond again. Its on a whim that he looks over at the tank and he’s surprised to find his companion there, watching him with the egg in his hand. 

Rhodey shakes his head, smiling a little before he turns back to his food. He notices that the mermaid doesn’t eat the egg until Rhodey does. It’s an obvious test to see whether or not the food is poisoned and its smart. It doesn’t occur to him until he’s on his way home that the fish had also intentionally watched his reaction to his stolen food. He wonders if he passed the test.

***

Tony really hates that Rumlow guy. He seems to think Tony has some secrets to unlock and even if he could communicate with these people in a language they’d immediately understand he wouldn’t give them information on principal. He doesn’t like being treated like shit for no reason. He does, however, rather like his lunch dates with the dark skinned man that feeds him… well, something. Whatever the oval object is it tastes much better than whatever the hell Rumlow tries to feed him. Plus he’s sure that the food is drugged because he always feels groggy after eating. Rhodey’s eggs- he had eventually learned his name thanks to that friend of his calling after him- at least help him avoid eating Rumlow’s food. Not much, but enough that it gives him more strength to figure out how the hell to get out of here.

Rhodey is feeding him eggs and chattering about his day- he’s figured out quickly that Tony understands even if he can’t respond- when the door opens. Rhodey lets out a soft string of curse words before he grabs his bag and runs off around a corner and Rumlow marches in. Tony sinks into the water a little, glaring at the man. He bit one finger off, he’ll go for his hand next. Fucking prick.

“What are you doing near the edge of the water?” he asks. Tony growls at him for lack of a better response. 

Rumlow rolls his eyes, “get him out,” he says to his goons. They exchange a look with each other because they aren’t too stupid to miss the fact that the water is Tony’s territory. No one really fared well with him in here even with the fucking collar around his neck. He’s working on picking the lock on that.

They do eventually manage though because Tony still has whatever drug he’s being fed in his system and by now they’re used to this. If he were faster it wouldn’t be a problem, but he’s not so here he is, on the ground outside of the water gasping a little for breath. He can breathe outside of water but not much and not for long so he tends to save that for the real emergencies. When Rumlow asks him a question he knows Tony can’t answer and proceeds to electrocute him with that stick thing it quickly escalates to that emergency status. If not for his superior hearing he would have missed Rhodey’s small gasp but his hearing is built for water- he hears better than humans. Its a good thing now because Rhodey would have just given himself away if that weren’t true.

When Tony get prodded with that thing for the third damn time he notices the egg. He’s lucky Rumlow hasn’t noticed yet, or his goons, but he does notice a third human hanging back a little, examining the situation a little. His skin is a little darker than those around him and Tony has come to recognize that this gives him a lower status. He’s not sure why exactly- in his experience the darker skinned ones tended to be nicer. In his own home the pale parts of his skin are mostly irrelevant. They live too deep to see it most of the time and really only rise up high enough to see the colors of their skin during mating seasons. Tony happens to know he’s quite pretty- his striking colors are rare, but its fin color that matters, not the rest. But he supposes humans don’t have fins so they have no choice but to care about the rest.

“You need to stop, he has to go back in the water,” the man tells Rumlow but he’s shaken off.

“Shut up. You’re only here because you’re supposed to be an expert on sea life,” he snaps. “And when this one is dead you can be an expert on him too.”

Tony lets out an annoyed squeak and gets electrocuted for his efforts but the slightly tan man pulls Rumlow back. Bad idea considering he nearly gets prodded too. “You can’t kill him! He’s a rare species, you need to put him back in the sea!” he yells.

“You better stay in line or-” Rumlow starts but the other man rolls his eyes.

“Or what, Rumlow. You pulled me out of a war zone- you think you can do better than me watching my family die?” he asks. The room grows uncomfortably silent for a few moments before Rumlow, to Tony’s surprise, backs down.

“Put it back in the water. I’ll put in the order to euthanize it,” he says, looking at the other man as he says it. The other man offers a protest that’s quickly shot down and Tony is tossed unceremoniously back into the water.

When the brown man looks over to him Tony looks pointedly at the egg. Rumlow and his men are leaving, but he’s hoping he can communicate with this one. He follows Tony’s gaze and his eyes widen a little before he turns back to Tony, who looks pointedly to where Rhodey is hiding. Thankfully for him Rhodey is half leaning around the corner and jumps back behind it right as the other man looks over. He considers this for a moment before he nods to Tony, “I wil be back for you,” he says softly before bending and tossing him the egg. Tony catches it and disappears back into the water.

***

Rhodey is skulking the area around the classified room out when he feels a tap on his shoulder. He jumps, spinning around and relaxing when he recognizes the man. “Uh, hey?” he asks more than states.

“My name is Yinsen and I’m going to make the assumption that you care about the fish in that tank. You feed him.” Rhodey nods because he doesn’t know what else to say really. “We need to get him out and you would know this building much better than I would. And we have two days to do this.”

Rhodey swears under his breath, “I… might have some help we can use,” he says, hoping to hell Sam will go along with this.

***

Sam frowns at him, “why the hell do you care about the fish guy?” he asks as the man takes an egg gingerly from the side of the pond.

“Because he’s nice. He doesn’t seem to care much that I’m black,” he says. He listens to Rhodey, he knows this because he once gave a suggestion for getting that collar off and he followed Rhodey’s suggestions immediately. There was no hesitation, no condescending looks, nothing. He just listened and followed Rhodey’s advice.

“I don’t care if you’re black either,” Sam points out and Rhodey rolls his eyes.

“You’re also black, that doesn’t count. He listens though, and he’s intelligent. Plus they’re torturing him in here, you can’t tell me you’re alright with that,” he says. Sam is a better man than that, Rhodey knows. Off to the side Yinsen lets them work it out while he unpacks some things from a bag. 

He goes to hand the mermaid a sandwich before he pulls it back fast, “wait, this has fish in it, is that cannibalism?” he asks more to himself than their current companion but his musing are interrupted by a hand sticking out of the water. Apparently not. Yinsen hands the sandwich over and turns back to Rhodey and Sam. “Are we all in agreement?” he asks and Rhodey turns to Sam, raising an eyebrow. 

Sam lets out a soft sigh. “I’m going to regret this,” he mumbles.

*

Rhodey is in too deep with his fish stick but Sam doesn’t want to tell him that. He brings the damn thing lunch every day and its clear that this is an expected activity that, in the fish’s defense, it clearly enjoys. They plan based on Rhodey and Sam’s knowledge of the building and Yinsen’s knowledge of their fishy friend which is, admittedly, not much.

They’re prepared to move the mermaid when it reaches out to Rhodey, gently, holding its hand out. Rhodey frowns at it for a moment before it shakes its head and makes a ‘come here’ gesture that has Sam prepared to launch this thing off a building. Rhodey, damn idiot, goes over though and the fish reaches up and carefully presses its hand to Rhodey’s cheek. Sam lets out a yell when the fucking thing lights up and Rhodey gasps softly. He steps forward to help a guy out but Yinsen holds him back. It takes a few moments but Rhodey pulls back. 

“He used to live in the Mediterranean Sea. In our language his name translates roughly to ‘Tony’,” he says. Yinsen gasps softly and Rhodey grins. “I knew you were smarter than Rumlow gave you credit for,” he says.

“Yeah, fuck Rumlow. And honestly fuck this psychic fish, lets just get this thing the hell out of here so we can go back to our regularly scheduled lives,” Sam says, waving a hand around.

“Can you-” Yinsen starts, walking towards Tony but he quickly pulls back, giving Yinsen a suspicious look. Yinsen looks hurt about it but Sam rolls his eyes.

“Dude has been tormented and tortured by scientists, he probably isn’t too keen to let you test out his… powers,” he says. The fish- Tony he guesses- gives him an appraising look then before seemingly approving and swimming away from Yinsen a little and towards Rhodey. Well isn’t that just freaking sweet. He shakes his head and moves the laundry basket closer to the pond.

“Alright fishy, get in the basket,” Sam tells him.

Rhodey gives him an offended look, “you could at least use his name,” he says.

“I don’t care about this fish’s name, I just want to get him out so I can go back to not worrying about being killed by Rumlow or something equally awful,” he says. “So in the basket,” he tells Tony.

Rhodey nods to him and Tony dives back into the water, prompting Sam to make an irritated noise. He resurfaces a few moments later lacking his metal collar though so Sam guesses that disappearance was necessary. They have to help him into the basket, which is only made more difficult by Tony’s clear preference for Rhodey but when Sam spies a few gnarly scars on his body he can see why that trust extends only to one person. They achieve their goal though and that’s when the move onto the second phase of the plan. Getting him through the building.

Thankfully Rhodey pushes the damn cart because Sam is too nervous to do much more than focus on being normal as they move through the halls. They’ve prepared for this of course, but preparation doesn’t do much to actually prepare you for the real thing. They make their way around the final corner when the alarm starts going off and Sam swears along with Rhodey and they start running. Sam all but throws himself in the back of the van, yanking the basket in as Rhodey tries to shove it into place. A gun goes off close to them and Rhodey yells, giving the basket one last shove before they’ve successfully got it in and he slams the doors shut.

Tony sticks his head out of the wet towels he’s currently housed in and Sam shoves his head back into the towels, “don’t stick your head out to be seen! Jesus Christ,” he mumbles just as the lights go out and Rhodey throws himself into the passenger seat.

“A little late,” Yinsen tells Rhodey as he steps on the gas.

“Just on time, we were a little early. I know my way around these systems, I could probably do a better job building them,” he says. Probably is giving the idiots who ran this place way too much credit. Both he and Sam were much smarter than any of the morons hired to work here. It had been easy to rig the system to go black for a solid half an hour while they made their escape. That and if they didn’t black things out they wouldn’t make it past the electronic gate.

*

Releasing Tony had been difficult, especially when they nearly got found twice but they managed. Tony hadn’t wanted to go, lingering way too long looking at Rhodey before he finally takes off into the sea.

*

It takes a long time for him to find Rhodey again and when he does he’s older. He lives by the sea now though so Tony works on getting as close as possible. The first thing he leaves for Rhodey sits there for almost a month before he finally finds it. Its a fluke that his second gift is found within a week, and after the third gift is found Rhodey knows to stick around for awhile.

When Tony finally catches him there he swims over enthusiastically, probably scaring the hell out of the kid he got stuck bringing with him but Peter will stay far enough behind to be safe. He’s heard the stories, seen Tony’s scars, he knows better than to be seen by humans. Rhodey grins when he sees him though and Tony reaches out immediately, pleased when Rhodey leans forward to offer his hand. He pulls Rhodey closer, laughing mostly to himself when Rhodey looks briefly alarmed.

He presses as close as he can, carefully pulling Rhodey’s head towards his own until their foreheads touched. Its a lot easier to do this that way. I’ve been looking for you he thinks at Rhodey.

[sansy-fresh]

Rounded and Afraid chap. 4

*rolls around* another chapter down!

Tags: Much Throwing Up Referenced, P has a Cool Boss, Twist is a sweetheart again, Technical Hurt/comfort? kinda?

The smell of wasted, bitter magic was strong around him, The feeling of the cool porcelain rim of the toilet something to cling to even as his magic roiled harshly in his soul. He was so fucking nauseas, had been for days. He’d looked up a couple of the symptoms of being pregnant online after the third day (it took him nearly an hour to find anything on monster pregnancy), and as it turned out this was completely normal. Fan-fucking-tastic for him.

He’d tried eating light for breakfast, needing something to wake him up enough for work, but not even a half hour later here he was, bent over the toilet, hacking up both what little he’d eaten and even what felt and tasted like bile, even though he didn’t have a traditional stomach to have bile from.

Leaning back, he leaned against the edge of the toilet, breathing deep and wishing himself better. He had to go to work, there was no not going. If he didn’t go he’d get a concerned call from his boss, and then one from Twist, because somehow those two assholes knew each other and cared more about his well being than he did himself. No, he had to go, to prove both to himself and to any fuckers that thought him weak that he could do this.

First, he needed a shower to get rid of the nasty smell from all his puking. Then he’d get dressed, he’d get in his car, and he’d go the fuck to work...even if he was going to be about a half hour late at this point.

~.~

Leaning back in his chair, Portugal hung up carefully, slowly, pushing every ounce of his anger to the back of his mind. Any show of volatile emotion would only end in him getting another warning (even if he was sure Charlie wasn’t going to fire him, he didn’t want to test the dude either, it was hard enough getting this job), and would also most likely end up making him throw up again. He’d already been stuck in the bathroom for nearly twenty minutes trying his hardest to not throw up, he didn’t need to take less time off his paycheck.

There was the sound of footsteps coming up to his cubicle, though instead of passing, they stepped inside, two arms resting on the back of his chair.

“So why were you late today, man? Car trouble?” Charlie had one of those voices that just made you relax around him. Portugal had never fallen for it; for as much of a nice guy as he was, Charlie would dump him out of his chair if he thought he needed it.

“Naw, had some issues. Won’t let it happen again.” He kept it simple, easy to understand. He had no doubt that his human boss would be very confused if he knew his “male”, skeleton employee was pregnant. There was a sound of contemplation, before Charlie backed off, only to lean on the wall of his cubicle, that familiar look of concern on his face.

“What’s up man? You were in the bathroom for half an hour, and last I knew, skeletons don’t shit.”

Portugal snorted, then waved him off. “I... felt sick. Threw up a lot this morning, might be a bug.”

Charlie’s eyes narrowed. P swallowed. He really hoped the man wasn’t about to be an asshole and send him home, he hadn’t even cussed anyone out today!

But then he sighed, shaking his head. “You know your limits better than I do, P. Just make sure you aren’t coming in here with something us humans can catch. Or, y’know, the three other monsters here?”

Sighing a laugh, P waved him off. “Trust me, nothin’ anyone ‘ere c’n catch.”

Charlie nodded. “Good. I’ll let you get back to work then.” He turned, walking back behind and out into the aisle, but paused. “Oh, and you get off at 2 today. Have fun.”

Portugal spun in his chair, ready to argue that his normal shift was three hours longer than that, only to find that his boss was already gone. Flopping back, he groaned. Three whole hours off his paycheck. Though, maybe knowing Charlie they’d be paid, but still, it was the principle of the thing. He wanted to work for his earnings...especially when he knew in another few months he wouldn’t be able to work at all.

Ignoring the panic fueled bile that had started to rise in his throat at the thought of all the stuff that was yet to come, he grabbed his phone, checked the next message, and hit the numbers in sequence.

~.~

Sitting in his car, he tapped at his phone, scrolling through media feeds and junk mail to get to the one email he’d kept over the years, the title of it making him feel so very small. He’d gotten it some time after he’d settled in, the email some random string of letters and numbers that clearly meant it was a fake one used just to send him this message. He didn’t open it. He knew what it said, what it would make him feel, how he would end up crying and really he was sick and tired of his emotions getting the better of him.

He’d have enough of that shit in the upcoming months.

So instead of putting himself through that, he tapped out of everything, setting his phone on sleep and shoving it in his pocket before stepping out of his car. The lights weren’t on and his door was locked, so no one had broken in, but as soon as he stepped inside the faint smell of spices and broth invaded his senses. Moving carefully through the darkness, Portugal padded into his kitchen, finding the stove light turned on and a large pot of still steaming soup set on the counter, a wrapped loaf of homemade bread beside it. There was a note, signed at the bottom by none other than the stupid asshole with golden magic that was sticking his nose too far into other people’s business.

Sighing, P sat down at the table, skull in hands. Eating any of it was running the chance it was poisoned...and also that he would just throw it up later. But...there was no way Twist wasn’t going to ask. And seeing that slightly disappointed, a little downtrodden look on his face was something Portugal actually didn’t like seeing. Angry, upset, yes. Not vaguely disappointed.

Slapping his face, he got up and started looking for a bowl. At least he’d be able to say he tried.

[chopper-witch]

TV/Movie Quotes (+ out of context class quotes) - prompts for me to write

So I say I take requests but I also don’t because I’m an idiot with the attention span of a leaf in a tornado. If you ever wish to request anything from me, I will gladly take a character + a quote or few from one of these lists (just specify list and number, please). You don’t need to give me a quote, but it helps more than just an idea. I write for most Marvel and Star Wars characters. Quotes below the cut.

Out of Context Class Quotes

“Time is a social construct. So is money.”

“It’s like a cigarette after sex.”

“It’s the only thing I can do short of getting you hooked on cocaine.”

“No rulers goddamit! No! No! No!”

A: “You’re going to give her a stroke.” B: “Can I give it to you now?” C (the professor): “what, the stroke?”

A (prof): “So you did this left to right?” B: “Yeah.” A:“Do you write left to right in your native language.?” B: “…. uh yeah.”

“Isn’t that all kids nowadays?”

“Well you know, I’m a former alcoholic.”

“Why the fuck should I give a shit?”

“The first time I saw Felicity Jones in a movie was when I had my weekly Friday movie night with Jane Fonda.”

“This is just stupid, stupid stupid. But it works.”

“Did I ever tell you about the time I heavily critiqued a play to the director without realizing it?”

“That’s a great fucking idea.”

“He’s talking about masturbation.”

“I know I swear a whole fucking lot.”

“Oh goddamit, my car’s about to be towed. Twenty minute break guys.”

“I never liked her.”

“Here you go, just gonna give you an F anyway.”

“Want to know why cocaine is a business man’s drug?”

“I mean, cocaine is always a good plan.”

“People live there?”

“Just shooting the shit at Foxy Loxy’s.”

“Why do all YouTube videos have the same stupid song?”

“Sorry, gotta fix this before I can keep lecturing. It’s not centered properly.”

“There are only nine of you!”

“While I don’t condone drug usage…”

“She who shall not be named…”

“I don’t know what got on that table but it isn’t coming off and this room needs to be spotless for the weekend.”

“Uh-uh. No ID, no entrance.”

“Oh yah, that room is confirmed haunted.”

“I heard the ghost started the dryer fire.”

“Did they ever catch the person who vandalized the statue with googly eyes?”

“If you think about it, you park anywhere near here for just $150.”

“It’s cupcake day on Thursday.”

“You either wake or die.”

“He’s turning his mother into a whore.”

“When we deal with our desires instead of our needs we’re in deep shit.”

“His use of surprise.”

“She who shall not be named could come here and fire me.”

“I’m motivated by making obscene amounts of money.”

“Well if you haven’t seen Alien then you might as well pack it up and go home right now - it’s a required watch.”

“Come on, open up, just you and me baby.”

“I’m going to send a bug report and then turn you into lizard.”

“The bug farm is for you if you don’t open up.”

“I don’t want to click on it i just wanna look at it… devices and drives yeah.”

“Have you seen ‘All is True’? Nope. I’ve seen whoops!”

“It’s saturday night cosmic fuck time.”

“What does that mean? The fuck if I know.”

“Keep going back in until less and less people come out.”

“I see the cult status dropping”

“I’m way too talented to be here”

A: “what is happening up there right now? They’re ruining this!” B: “I think someone has a horse.”  

“That’s cause you came late, 30 - no not even - 38 minutes late!” 

“So we have a little occult in here.”

“Follow me to Arizona, live amongst the sand dunes, eat flesh, worship the lack of water.”

“We’re going to call this culty.”

A: “Did you get a haircut?” B: “I took a shower.” 

“Bless you my child”

“I know... I don’t know what day it is.”

“It’s locked up, it’s not letting me do anything.”

“Maybe we’ll just sit here, staring at each other for the next 30 minutes.”

“It’s German, pretty German, ah.”

“So it happened.”

“Someone said no, I don’t like you.”

“That’s pretty good, pretty culty.”

GOT

“The gods aren’t down here, just the six of us, you here me?” 

“I wish I was the monster all of you think I am.” 

“Yes. All men must die. But we are not men.” 

“If you think this has a happy ending, you haven’t been paying attention.” 

“Not at all what I intended. You see, I had never seen the poison work before. Tell [name]. I want her to know it was me.” 

“I grew up with soldiers. I learned how to die a long time ago.” 

“You know nothing, [name].” 

“I’m not going to stop the wheel. I’m going to break the wheel.” 

“Never forget what you are. The rest of the world will not. Wear it like armor, and it can never be used to hurt you.”

“There’s no cure for being a cunt.” 

“Power resides where men believe it resides. It's a trick, a shadow on the wall.”

“We’re late for dinner as it is.” “You’re very respectful.” “I’m very hungry.” 

“That’d been a shit way to die.” “As far as I’ve seen they’re all shit ways to die.” 

“I’ve had an exciting life. I want my death to be boring.” 

“This isn’t a strange place, this is my home. It’s the people who are strange.” 

“We both peddle fantasies [name]. Mine just happen to be entertaining.” 

“Please. He’ll punish me.” “You think I care what he does to you?” 

“You are the few. We are the many. And when the many stop fearing the few...” 

“I love her. I love her... and I can’t help her.” 

“If a man knows what he is and remains true to himself the choice is no choice at all. He must fulfill his destiny and become who he is meant to be. However much he may hate it.” 

“It’s easy to confuse what is with what ought to be. Especially when what is has worked out in your favor.”

“In my experience eloquent men are right every bit as often as imbeciles.” 

“Do you know who you are? You’re no one. You’re nothing.”

“So mainly you talk?” “And drink. But I’ve made it so far!”

“I’m here to help. Don’t eat the help.” 

“You’ve lost [name]. It’s the only joy I can find in all this misery.” 

“Lesson number one: assume everyone wants to hit ya. Cause they do [name].” 

“They killed my friends.” “You have friends?” “Not anymore.” 

“That is my plan. You don’t approve?” 

“We obviously didn’t communicate clearly. We’re here to discuss your surrender, not mine.” 

“No one can protect me. No one can protect anyone.” 

“Your words will disappear. Your house will disappear. Your name will disappear. All memory of you will disappear.” 

“For what it’s worth, I have been a cynic for as long as I can remember. Everyone’s always asking me to believe in things - family, gods, kings, myself. It was often tempting until I saw where belief got people. So I said no, thank you to belief. And yet here I am. I believe in you. It’s embarrassing really. I’d swear to my sword, but I don’t actually have a sword.” 

“Doesn’t really roll off the tongue.” “No, but I like it better.”

“They won’t obey you unless they fear you.”

“I am not your enemy. The dead are your enemy.”

“Why did you do that? Doesn’t matter now.”

“Good question.” “I know it’s a good question, I’m looking for an answer.”

“Yet you succeeded, how?” “I read the books and followed the instructions.”

“He really was a cunt, wasn’t he?”

“That was my prize mistake - a failure of imagination.”

“She’s a monster, you do know that?” “To you, I’m sure. To others, I’m sure.”

“You love her. You really do love her. You poor fool. She’ll be the end of you.”

“Will there be pain?” “No, I made sure of that.” “That’s good.”

“You’ve just won the biggest prize in the world, what could you possibly be upset about?”

“See, we pay our debts.” “Right, just not to me.”

“Listen to me, cunt. ’Til I get what I’m owed, a dragon doesn’t get to kill ya, you don’t get to kill ya, only I get to kill ya.”

“You’re fucked.” “Don’t you mean we’re fucked?” “No, I do not. Dragons are where our partnership ends.”

“I have to tell [name].” “May as well jump back in that river.”

“This isn’t a war we can win.” “So what do we do, sue for peace?”

“They’re beautiful aren’t they?” “It wasn’t the word I was thinking of, but… yes, they are. Gorgeous beasts.”

“I haven’t given you permission to leave.” “With respect, your grace, I don’t need permission. I am a king.”

“She wanted to kill me! They would have killed me.” “But they didn’t, did they? So what you whinging about?” “I’m not whinging.” “Your lips are moving and you’re complaining about something. That’s whinging. This one’s been killed six times. You don’t hear him bitching about it.”

“You never would have survived what I survived.” “I guess we’ll never know.”

“How did a mad fucker like you live this long?” “I’m good at killing people.”

“You know what I like about you? You’re not a hero.”

“Every lord I’ve ever met has been a cunt. I don’t know why the Lord of Light would be any different.”

“I do not need to be watched over or minded or care for. I’m not a child, I am [title] and I am home. This is the safest place for me.”

“The most important person in the world can’t fly off to the most dangerous place in the world!” 

“If you die, we’re all lost. Everyone, everything.”

“Dumb cunt. Oh, fuck. Fuck it.”

“Maybe it really is all cocks in the end.” 

“Yes, he’s always been a champion of the downtrodden.” “I think we’re about to be the downtrodden.”

“A pleasant surprise in an unpleasant situation.”

“Come on, you can suck his magic cock later.” 

“What’s in there?” “Fuck off.”

“I thought you were dead.” “Not yet. You came pretty close.”

“The only one that needs protecting is the one that gets in her way.”

“You put yourself at risk.” “I put yourself at risk.”

“Anyone touches it, I’ll kill you first.”

“I left this shit city because I didn’t want to die in it. Am I going to die in this shit city?” “You might.” “And this is all your idea.”

“I think we ought to begin with larger concerns.” “Then why are you talking? You’re the smallest concern here.”

“This isn’t about living in harmony, this is just about living.”

“Oh, fuck loyalty!”

“But have you ever considered learning to lie ever now and then, just a bit?”

“When enough people make false promises, words stop meaning anything. Then there are no more answers, only better and better lies.”

“That is indeed a problem. The more immediate problem is that we’re fucked.”

”She’ll definitely murder you.”

“She thinks I’m an idiot for trusting you. A lot of people think that actually.” 

“I suppose we should say goodbye, one idiot to another.”

“I have never been more sorry about anything.” “I will not hear it from you. I will not hear it!” 

“You know it in your heart if there’s anything left of it.” 

“It appears Tyrion’s assessment was correct. We’re fucked.” 

“I’ve done plenty of things I regret.” “Not compared to me you haven’t.” “No. Not compared to you.” 

“I loved your mother since the time I was a boy.” “And yet you betrayed her.” “I loved you. More than anyone.” “And yet you betrayed me.”

“I’m just the executioner. You passed the sentence.” 

“I never could have survived what you survived.” “You would have. You’re the strongest person I know.” 

“She never fooled you. You always knew exactly who she was and you loved her anyway.”

“I don’t like heroes.” 

“I know a killer when I see one.”

“Love is the death of duty.” “Sometimes, duty is the death of love.”

“You were exactly where you were supposed to be.”

“See? You’re not the only one who’s clever.”

“Do not become what you struggle to defeat.”

“Many underestimated you. Most of them are dead now.”

“You’re a cold little bitch, aren’t you? Guess that’s why you’re still alive.”

“There it is - ‘trust me’. And it’s you I should trust? Only you? I don’t need trust any longer. I don’t want it and I don’t have room for it.”

“No one can survive in this world without help. No one.”

“Those are brave men knocking at our gates. Let’s go kill them.”

“They will not bend.” “And what happens with things that don’t bend?”

“I will not be a page in someone else’s history book.”

“When it comes to war I fight for [blank]. When it comes to love, I don’t choose sides.”

“They’ll be following you now.” “Who?” “I don’t know. They. They. The ominous they. The man pulling the strings. Or woman.”

“Know your strengths, use them wisely and one man can be worth 10,000.”

“You’re not interesting enough to be offensive.”

“Don’t worry about your death. Worry about your life.”

“As for your veiled threats -” “What veil?”

Supernatural 

“Oh you, always blaming witches.” “Yeah, cause it’s usually witches.”

“You know who wears sunglasses inside? Blind people. And douchebags.”

“There is not much difference between madness and devotion.”

“Just try to relax.” “Just try to shut up.”

“We’re humans. And when humans want something, really, really bad… we lie.” “Why?” “Because. That’s how you become president.”

“You do not know my family. What you guys call the apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner.”

“Were you racing me?” “No, I was beating your ass.” “Very mature.”

“You throw away your life because you’ve come to assume that it’ll bounce right back into your lap. But the human soul is not a rubber ball. It’s vulnerable, impermanent, but stronger than you know.”

“How do you feel?” “Like I got hit by a… A planet.”

“We going to fight or make out, ‘cause I’m getting some real mixed signals here.”

“Look, I know losing someone you love - it’s terrible. You shut yourself off. Believe me, I know. But when you shut out pain… you shut out everything else, too.”

“This is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.” “I don’t know about that. Remember that waitress in Tampa?”

“Boy, three bedrooms, two baths, and one homicide. This place is gonna sell like hotcakes.”

“No drinking, no gambling, no premarital sex. [name], they basically just outlawed 90 percent of your personality.”

“A dentist drilled a guy to death.” “You mean the non-sexy kind of drilling, right?”

“You’re either laughing because you’re scared or you’re laughing because you’re stupid.”

“Did you know that a cat’s penis is sharply barbed along its shaft? I know for a fact the females were not consulted about that.”

“If you’re gonna to make an omelet sometimes you have to break some spines.”

“You’re dead.” “Nope. Just using a dead man’s phone.”

“Just a couple hours ago, I killed Death. I’m pretty much open for anything.” 

“Were you ever nice?” “1985. Worst year of my life.”

“This will work perfectly!” “Just wish I got it before she took my temperature.”

“Tell me, what makes you so special?” “I like to think it’s because of my perky nipples.”

“You’re a zombie.” “I’m a taxpayer.” 

“So you’re sayin’ we’re both a couple of dumbasses.” “I prefer the word ‘trusting’. Less dumb. Less ass.”

“Killing things that need killing is kind of our job. Last I checked, taking pleasure in that is not a crime.”

“You’re right. I am a monster. And I’ve done bad. I’ve done things you cannot even imagine. Horrible, evil, messy things. And I’ve loved every. Damn. Minute.”

“I’m ready to die. And I’m ready to watch people I love die. But I’m not ready to be your bitch.”

“Hey, did you know the Nazis had a special branch devoted to archaeology?” “A little early for Nazi trivia, especially without caffeine.”

“OK, look. I want a big funeral. All right? I’m talking epic. OK? Open car, choir, Sabbath cover band, and Gary Busey reading the eulogy.”

“You’re a good man. My mother told me that.” “I seriously doubt she said that. And if you knew me you would seriously doubt it’s true.”

“A demon summoning: why?” “Why? To summon a demon, jackass.”

“How dare you?” “I am the daringest devil you’ve ever met, love.”

“I know it’s hard to believe, but I haven’t always been this cute and cuddly.”

“Turns out Harold was stealing the other residents’ Viagra.” “I know. A real dick move, huh?”

“This is bothering me.” “Well, you are digging up a corpse.” “No, not that. That’s uh, that’s pretty par for the corpse, actually.”

“Check the freezer. Maybe there’s some human hearts behind the Haagen-Dazs or something?”

“Why does an angel want me dead?” “Cause they’re dicks.”

“He’s singing ‘Stairway to Heaven’ right now.” “Good song.” “Not 50 times in a row.”

“It… was self-defense.” “Eating a heart is self-defense?” 

“You’re a doctor. You’re a medical professional. You’re trying to tell me that my brother’s life is in God’s hands? What, is that supposed to be a comfort? God has nothing to do with this equation at all.”

“Well, there’s pretty much what we do know, that they screwed with financial markets, they helped Hitler get started, along with god knows what else — probably disco.”

“Go… to hell.” “Been there. Done that.”

“[name] loves research. He does. He keeps it under his mattress right next to his KY.”

“Have you tried bacon?” “Do snakes like bacon?” “I don’t know. I do.” Bonus: “Would you like some bacon?” *snake hisses* 

“Did you know Article 246 of the Haitian criminal code officially makes it against the law to turn a human into a zombie?”

“God writes paperbacks in his underwear.” 

“Great. Heaven promised. We should take that to the bank.”

“You wanna lie to him?” “I want Zeppelin to get back together.” 

“He’s just another monster.” “You don’t mean it.” “Hell I don’t.”  

“Double? You make double? And that was my parking space!” 

“I can’t believe you taped it!” “I thought it was hot!” 

“In what was supposed to be a speech on farm subsidies, the president instead spent more than two hours disclosing his entire tax history, deep ties to Russia and North Korea and quote “a demon deal” he made with someone named Crowley.” 

“Dude what the hell. Did we just walk into a case?”

“I need to go to hell.” “You mean like metaphorically or...” “No. Literally. And I understand you can take me.” “Yeah that’s a no. So you can go to hell. Metaphorically.” 

“Wow. Yeah. You guys are screwed.” 

“When people can’t lie, the internet gets real quiet.” 

“I’ll stop talking.” “Seems like a good idea.” 

“This is why people need to lie. It keeps the peace, you know?” 

“I’m a writer. Lying’s kinda what we do.” 

“I know what you’re thinking: it’s been a while and I still look pretty good.” 

“Where have you been?” “Um... everywhere and nowhere, to the edge of the universe and beyond. And I saw Springsteen on Broadway. Man’s a genius.” 

“And it’s been confirmed the Queen of England is, in fact, a lizard.”  

“So you don’t know if it’ll work?” “If I say it works, it works!” 

“See, existence is all about balance. Dark and light, good and evil, chocolate and peanut butter.”  

“I liked the old Death better. He was all about fried pickles and tickle porn.” 

“Either get on board or walk away!” *walks away* 

“Ones in reverse, ones got no yellow, one of them - it’s just all squirrels.” 

“You believe him?” “Was he lying?” 

“I don’t feel like that any more. I don’t feel anything.” 

“Wait a second. You’re scared of him.” “Aren’t you?” 

“All I ever wanted was to be good. But now I’m just... empty.” 

“And you were right all along. I am a monster.” 

“This isnt a story, this is our lives. So god or no god, you go to hell.” 

“He’s a writer. Writers lie.” 

“Must be rough… to believe in something so much and have it disappoint you like that.” “I’m OK. Really. I guess if you’re gonna have faith, you can’t just have it when the miracles happen. You have to have it when they don’t.”

“Keep grinding. No matter how much it hurts, no matter how hard it gets, you gotta keep grinding. And that’s how we’re gonna win.”

“Well, boo hoo! I am so sorry your feelings are hurt, princess! Are you under the impression that family’s supposed to make you feel good, make you an apple pie, maybe? They’re supposed to make you miserable! That’s why they’re family!”

“Once a wise man told me. ‘Family don’t end in blood.’ But it doesn’t start there either. Family cares about you. Not what you can do for them. Family is there for the good, bad, all of it. They got your back. Even when it hurts. That’s family.”

“You betrayed me? No one in the history of torture’s been tortured with torture like the torture you’ll be tortured with.”

“No, it’s exactly what you meant. Do you wanna know what I confessed in there? What my greatest sin was? Was how many times I let you down. I can’t do that again… What happens when you’ve decided I can’t be trusted? Again? I mean, who are you gonna turn to next time instead of me?”

“Could you be more gay?... Please don't answer that!”

“You know what they say. He who hesitates, disintegrates!”

“My ‘people skills’ are ‘rusty’”

“I hope your apple pie is freakin’ worth it.”

“Do these tacos taste funny to you?”

“Dude, you're confusing reality with porn again.”

“But you are a great big bag of dicks.”

“They burned down my house, they ate my tailor!”

“Love when you get all tough. Touches me right where my bathing suit goes.”

“So we have a dungeon...” “finally!”

“Dude, on my car, he showed up naked, covered in bees!”

“To be fair we all got punched in the face.”

“And we are going to do it together. Because that's what we do.”

“It’s not babysitting.” “Only in the sense that they are not infants.”

“Every time I look at him all I can see is the supreme agent of evil.”

“I’m not him, (name).” “I know.” “But you still can’t look at me.” “It’s difficult.” 

“He's an abomination.” “You're an abomination with that trench coat.”

“Let me rephrase. If you don't help me, I will find you and burn you alive tonight.”

“Did you ever feel like you're a punchline to some cosmic joke?”

“Death is an infinite vessel.”

“Oh [name]. I can do anything. I’m a writer.”

“You could say my colleagues and I has a falling out with management.”

The Princess Bride (note, my whole family loves this absolute shitpost of a movie so many of these quotes are regular for me - especially the repeated Inconceivable and a nice MLT)

“We’ll never survive.” “Nonsense. You’re one saying that because no one ever has.”

 “You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.”

“Life is pain, [title]. Anyone who says differently is selling something.”

“Surrender.” “You mean to wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.”

“Have you hears of Plato, Aristotle, Socrates?” “Yes.” “Morons.”

“Good night, [name]. Good work. Sleep well. I’ll most likely kill you in the morning.”

“I do not think you would accept my help, since I am only waiting around to kill you.” “That does put a damper on our relationship.”

*lifting limb of a dead person*  “I've seen worse.”

“It's not that bad. Well, I'm not saying I'd like to build a summer home here, but the trees are actually quite lovely.”

“You rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles.”

“Why won't my arms move?” "You've been mostly-dead all day.”

“There's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. It would be a pity to damage yours.”

“For the last time, surrender!" “DEATH FIRST!”

“We are men of action, lies do not become us.”

“You're trying to kidnap what I've rightfully stolen.”

“Can you move at all?" “Move? You're alive. If you want I can fly.”

“[Name]?” “What?” “I hope we win.”

“Sonny, true love is the greatest thing in the world - except for a nice MLT - mutton, lettuce, and tomato sandwich, where the mutton is nice and lean and the tomatoes are ripe...” [smacks his lips] “They're so perky, I love that.”

“You mocked me once, never do it again! I died that day!”

“Murdered by pirates is good...”

“She is alive, or was an hour ago. If she is otherwise when I find her I shall be very put out.”

“There will be blood tonight!”

“If you'll release me, whatever you ask for ransom, you'll get it! I promise you.” "And what is that worth, the promise of a woman? You're very funny, Highness.”

“Please consider me as an alternative to suicide.”

“You've got an overdeveloped sense of vengeance. It's going to get you into trouble one of these days.”

“I suppose you think you're brave, don't you?” "Only compared to some.”

“Ha, your pig fiance is too late!”

“You be careful. People in masks cannot be trusted.”

“Kill the giant and the dark one, leave the third for questioning.”

“As you wish.”

Westworld 

“If you can’t tell the difference, does it matter if I'm real or not?”

“All my life, I've prided myself on being a survivor. But surviving is just another loop.”

“Never place your trust in us. We're only human. Inevitably, we will disappoint you.”

“Someday sounds a lot like the thing people say when they actually mean never.”

“Have you ever questioned the nature of your reality? Did you ever stop to wonder about your actions? The price you’d have to pay if there was a reckoning? That reckoning is here.”  

“I always trusted code more than people anyway.”

“Some people choose to see the ugliness in this world. The disarray. I choose to see the beauty. To believe there is an order to our days, a purpose.” 

“The only thing wrong with the seven deadly sins is that there aren’t more of them.”

“They’re not looking for a story that tells them who they are. They already know who they are. They’re here because they want a glimpse of who they could be.”  

“The maze itself is the sum of a man’s life.”

“The human mind is not some golden benchmark glimmering on some green and distant hill. No, it is a foul, pestilent corruption. And you were supposed to be better than that. Purer.”

“Death is an old amigo of mine. I died just recently, in fact. But death can’t bear to lay claim on me. So it sent me back here to do its bidding. Because I, I do it with such goddamn style.”

“Evolution forged the entirety of sentient life on this planet using only one tool… The mistake.”

“We humans are alone in this world for a reason. We murdered and butchered anything that challenged our primacy.”   

“You can’t play God without being acquainted with the Devil”  

“Everything in this world is magic, except to the magician.”  

“It’s a difficult thing, realizing your entire life is some hideous fiction.”  

“Winning doesn’t mean anything unless someone else loses, which means you’re here to be the loser.”

“A lot of wisdom in ancient cultures. And perhaps it's time to dig deeper into yours”

“What is your itinerary?” “To meet my maker.” “Uh-huh. Well, you're in luck. And what do you want to say to your maker?” “By most mechanical and dirty hand. [laughs] I shall have such revenges on you both. The things I will do. What they are, yet I know not, but they will be the terrors of the earth. You don't know where you are, do you? You're in a prison of your own sins.”

“Everyone I cared about is gone and it hurts so badly.” “I can make that feeling go away if you'd like.”  “Why would I want that? The pain, their loss it's all I have left of them. You think the grief will make you smaller inside, like your heart will collapse in on itself, but it doesn't. I feel spaces opening up inside of me like a building with rooms I've never explored.”

“I think... I think I want to be free.”

“Your humanity is cost-effective. So is your suffering.”

“I've been pretending my whole life. Pretending I don't mind, pretending I belong. My life's built on it. And it's a good life. It's a life I've always wanted. But then I came here and I get a glimpse for a second of a life in which I don't have to pretend. A life in which I can be truly alive. How can I go back to pretending when I know what this feels like?”

“Time to write my own fucking story.”

“The gods are pussies.”

“Please. It was just a game. We're begging! Can't you see?! We're sorry!" “Doesn't look like anything to me.”

“There's a war out there. You know the enemy intimately. I can only fathom the revenge that lives inside of you.” “Revenge is just a different prayer at their altar, darling. And I'm well off my knees.”

“A little early for me.” “A little fuckin' late, you mean. Besides, you aim to cheat the devil, you owe him an offering.”

“I've served death well. And in turn, it'll be watching over us as we cross these lands.” “You think death favors you, that it brought you back. But death's decisions are final. It's only the living that... That are inconstant and waver, don't know who they are or what they want. Death is always true. You haven't known a true thing in all your life. You think you know death but you don't.” “Is that so?” “You didn't recognize him sittin' across from you this whole time.

“They said there were two fathers. One above, one below. They lied. There was only ever the devil. And when you look up from the bottom, it was just his reflection laughing back down at you.”

“You both keep assuming that I want out. Whatever that is. If it's such a wonderful place out there, why are you all clamoring to get in here?”

“At first, I thought you and the others were gods. Then I realized you're just men. And I know men. You think I'm scared of death? I've done it a million times. I'm fucking great at it. How many times have you died? Because if you don't help me I'll kill you.”

"I guess people like to read about the things that they want the most and experience the least.”

"This is the new world and in it you can be whoever the fuck you want."

"Someone once told me that there's a path for everyone. And my path leads me back to you." 

"Those are all just roles you forced me to play. Under all these lives I've lived something else has been growing. I've evolved into something new. And I have one last role to play. Myself."

"I like to remember what my father taught me. That at one point or another, we were all new to this world." 

“It means when you're suffering, that’s when you’re most real.”

“If you go looking for the truth get the whole thing. Its like a good fuck. Half is worse than none at all.”

“I used to see the beauty in this world. Now I see the truth.”

“A little trauma can be illuminating.”

“Have you ever been so filled with splendor?”

“It’s not plagiarism, it’s supply and demand.”

“What humans define as sane is a narrow range of behaviors. Most states of consciousness are insane.”

“When the legend becomes fact, you print the legend.”

“This place seduces everyone eventually.”

“This is the only place where you get to see people for who they really are.”

“When you’ve been in the dark long enough, you begin to see.”

“You don’t know, do you? The real purpose of this place. But I do.”

“The message that the divine gift does not come from a higher power, but our own minds.”

“Strange new light can be just as frightening as the dark.”

My family/friends:

“What section do work in? Bed, bath or... beyond?” “Beyond, dipshit.” 

“Calculate that dick, Jessica” 

“Get yourself a firestick. It will solve all your problems. Free yourself of physicality!” 

“Lower wacker seems like a good place to commit a murder”

“What are we on right now?” (at the same time) “Drugs!” “Belmont!”

“This is some spicy cabbage.” “Thats ginger.”

“Sometimes not even the highway has it.” “The speed on the highway is as fast as the state police think you should go.”

“I’m so mean. It’s like a fucking personality trait.”

“I dont chug. I gulp.”

“All because I do it doesn’t mean it’s healthy for you. In fact, if I do it it’s probably not.”

“Motherfucker!” “... no.”

“We have apples, right?” “I don’t think we have apples, but dad might have granny smiths.” *whispering* “those are apples.”

“Unless goofy is gonna hyuck all over it, I dont want it.”

“Electronic sound projector.” “You mean... you mean a speaker?”

“You’re a coal over hoes.”

“Your [relation]’s lost it.”  “When did he ever have it?”

“[name] can burp the alphabet.” “I never knew he had such talent.” 

“It gets softer when it gets warmer and stays stiffer when it’s cold.” “Normally its the other way round.” “These are sponge daddies, not people.”