#this story got way darker than I initially intended

[arlequinelunaire]

Danganronpa Showa: Prologue Part 2

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At least I got to see that Genpachi, that eagle, and I weren't the only ones around. Standing here inspecting the cavern were four others our age, the one who first approached us being a prim and proper boy with stark white hair beneath a cap, remarkably bushy brows, and wearing a black Nehru jacket with gold epaulettes. 

"Greetings, it's good to see the rest of us gathering," he smiled and gave a sharp bow, "I am Ishimaru Toranosuke, and it's a pleasure to make your acquaintances. I have been called a great many things, a political genius, an effortless leader, but at Hope's Peak I am enrolled as the Ultimate Manager. My dream is no less to become Prime Minister of our fair Japan, so all of us may embark on the road to recovery".

"I smell narc," Genpachi muttered under his breath to me.

"T-that's Sakamoto Genpachi, Ultimate Jazzman. And I'm- I'm Enoshima Tsubasa, I'm the, well, Ultimate Pilot," I said, before I sighed, "Guess that's not much of a talent though, given we're all trapped underground like this".

"Relax, bub. There's no way anyone can keep me, the Ultimate Jailbreaker, down here, so you'll be up and flying in no time," smirked the next student, a man so hulking I could've mistaken him for a teacher. Stubble forming on his chin, the rest of his face was hidden by a black balaclava and beanie, though his smile showed braces that looked like barbed wire. The balaclava combined with his striped shirt made think of a raccoon. He had several keychains around his belt, a set of knives and spoons clutched between his fingers on his right hand, and a... cookbook in his left. I saw there was even still a ball-and-chain attached to his leg, which he was a bit too playfully swinging around.

"Alcatraz, Cowra, Hachijo, Hashima, no chains can contain me. Oh yeah, you can call me Katsu Yudai".

"I assure you, no such breakout will be necessary," Toranosuke spoke up, shooting a glare up at Katsu, "Hope's Peak Academy had to be relocated underground for safety during the war. Spreading wild accusations of imprisonment will only cause panic among our student population.

Anyway, to return to our initial subject," the Manager coughed for emphasis and turned back to look at me, "So, you say you are from the Enoshimas? Ah yes, a well-respected military family with a storied background, delightful to have you here. As for our 'Ultimate Jazzman' though," Toranosuke furrowed his brow, before he shrugged and said, "Well, if it's what Hope's Peak has permitted..."

"Wise man once said 'Nothing is true. Everything is permitted'," came Genpachi's response, which Toranosuke just brushed off.

I tried to be more courteous. "T-thank you for your welcome, Ishimaru. Um, unusual a welcome as this is, it's really an honour for me to be here," I said, bowing in return.

"Likewise," said a girl with a wavy pink bob, a darker shade than mine, who was wearing headphones, not a sight I saw often other than on officers. She had on a beige jacket over a ruffled blouse with a rose pinned on it, and an also beige ankle-length skirt patterned with tiny white dots. "My, I don't intend to be presumptuous, but... I assume you'd be familiar with me. Most of Japan is after all, at least with my voice," she then asked.

I was left scrambling to think of where I could possibly know this girl from, until I remembered that broadcast I'd heard last night (at least, I guessed it was last night).

"Oh, I know, you're the Ultimate Radio Broadcaster! I-I think I listen to your radio show, you were talking about Hope's Peak and how you'd be there, a-and you also mentioned Ishimaru," I staggered back as I said, unable to believe I was meeting a national radio presenter.

"What's the big deal? I've got better tunes than her on rotation 24/7," Genpachi had to remark.

She politely laughed, hand up to her mouth. She then said, choosing to focus on me, "Why thank you, I'm always grateful to meet a fan. I can understand why you took a while to recognise my voice, even someone like can forget how people sound different on air than in person. Well, as we're all going to be schoolmates, um, I believe you are entitled to my proper name. Please, call me Benibara Momoka".

Wait, oh no, as Benibara was the Ultimate Broadcaster, then was there a chance of-? I'd have to ask that Voice, that 'Ultimate Mission Control', about her in private... if they'd even give an answer.

As I was still uncomfortable with the thought of brining the Voice up in public, I tried to breach the topic a little by saying, "Wow, they can sure do some amazing things with radio these days, huh? Like, even send waves straight into a person's head, um, I'd imagine anyway".

Benibara had to tilt her head at me, but she then said, "Ah, I see you've been tuning into our Science Fiction broadcast". Well, that got me nowhere.

That left one person here, a girl with round, rimless glasses framed by bronze-blonde hair ending in curls, wearing a dark blue dress with a white cravat over a lime green labcoat. Multiple test-tubes were stuffed into her pocket protector, a scribble-covered notepad poked out of her burgundy purse and had on a wristwatch fitted with far more counters than just the time.

"Guten tag," she said, bowing and smiling, before she twitched and stepped back a little. "Um, guess it is no surprise I am from Germany, ah ha. Um, if I may make a request?" she then asked.

"Sure, ask away," I said, trying to break the ice.

She sighed out. "It does feel a little spoilt of me, given how open everyone here has been with their talents. But, well, I would prefer to keep my Talent a secret, confidential as per request, for now. Do not worry, it is indeed listed on the Academy records, I shall happily reveal it in due time, once we're all.... comfortable," she fidgeted.

Toranosuke had to fold his arms and remark "Secrets are not ideal for group cohesion, but... I do suppose there is nothing in Hope's Peak Rules about obfuscating one's Talent, at least to other students. By all means then, if you must".

"Oh, thank you thank you, that helps me a lot," she perked up right away, before she gulped and said, "Eh, okay, I will of course give you my name. Hildegard Schulz, pleasure to meet you."

Looking around the underground, I could see that the second floors and higher of both Hope's Peak buildings were cut off by the cavern roof. I figured this left any passage upwards either within the buildings themselves, had their upper floors not become encased in stone, or through one of the many tunnels that at present had been blocked off by cooled magma. Speaking of magma, the strong sulfuric smell and ashen taste within this cave made me flinch as I tried heading forwards in it, though looking around it seemed like Momoka and I were the only ones having trouble, as the rest proceeded onto the North Building. Momoka then turned and looked and me a little funny. She said, "Huh, it's strange. I've mostly spent my time cooped up in radio stations, but you said you were a pilot, right?" before she then stepped back, "Sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, ah, i-if I came off that way". "You mean used to like the ashes and smoke of the warfield, right?" I said back to her, and also tried to tell her, "Hey look, I don't think you were imposing at all. But yeah, I was only really in the air force around the end of the War, so I only saw so many battles. I mean, I'm here as a Pilot, not like the Ultimate Dogfighter". Momoka however then added, "Then again, with all the bombings, I guess most of Japan has gotten used to ash and sulfur, more so than any volcano could make us". I bit my lip as she brought that up. "Yeah, my bad, I shouldn't have forgotten that" I mumbled. "Ahem, time is a wasting," Toranosuke then said as he walked back up to us. He then grabbed my arm to drag me further along, though granted I wasn't exactly moving at that fast a pace, while Momoka stumbled as she raced to keep up.

[thewickedbohemian]

Another poll related to my project ideas (please DO NOT STEAL)

Some clarification because the poll options had a word limit

the girl reporter lead in my queer Twelve Dancing Princesses is intended to be inspired by Katherine from Broadway's version of Newsies (and this movie would take place around that same historical era) and I thought it'd just be better to have a girl reporter lead initially after the story (and who can blend in better with the twelve princesses) who then ends up falling for one of the princesses than how the original story has a guy after princess-as-prize-to-be-won

the Tiger Lily thing is because not only have I felt Disney should deserve a shot at redemption for how the original Peter Pan ended up but (unless it was explained and I just don't know) it's always fascinated me what the hell Native Americans were doing in Neverland in the first place so I thought (if it wouldn't be offensive to write about a fictional tribe that doesn't exist in reality) it'd be a cool sort of prequel to write (albeit with Native cultural consultants or w/e) about a tribe escaping white settlers to a land always thought to be mythical perhaps mainly due to a badass princess leading the way. I apologize if any of this would end up being insensitive, I won't make it if it's too disliked and it wasn't meant to be.

what I mean by modernized-a-la-Tangled is my version of The Marvelous Land Of Oz would be tweaked-somewhat for modern sensibilities the way Tangled did to the original Rapunzel story (e.g. getting rid of the scene where this book's particular wicked witch gets scared off via talking mice because women are afraid of mice right) but it'd keep more of the core story than Tangled did

yeah I know the story of Purim goes to some R-rated places but those would be toned down (e.g. offscreen implied-violence or the sexual elements getting dialed back to around the level something like Aladdin could get away with) and while this would still be on the thematically-darker side of Disney movies if it was indeed made one (like The Hunchback Of Notre Dame or even Coco) I think it still has the potential for a cool story with some relevant themes (like inner beauty or the importance of speaking out) and it'd give us a Jewish Disney Princess that's more than just what Elena Of Avalor gave us with Princess Rebecca and do so without mentioning God (as the story of Purim is one of the only "Jewish holiday backstories" if not the only one that doesn't involve god at all)

[edream93]

I’m Hooked On All These Feelings (Harry of Auradon AU) Part 9

Hey everyone! Sorry that I haven’t updated since October. It was a combination of being stuck and just having a lot of different stuff going on in my life. I’m honestly not 100% satisfied with this chapter but let me know what you all think. This is also posted on on AO3 or FF.net. Here’s the link for Part 1 , Part 2 , Part 3, Part 4, Part 5,  Part 6 ,  Part 7, and Part 8 of the story so far.

TRIGGER WARNING: There are some abusive elements in this chapter. Nothing too detailed but if you’re uncomfortable with that but still want a basic summary so that you can continue on with the story, just message me or shoot me an ask.

She was laughing at her.

She. Was. Laughing. At. Her.

She was laughing at her.

(Why was she laughing at her? Didn’t she care? Didn’t she knew what it did to have someone who was so integrated into your soul to laugh at you?)

The mocking laughter followed the half-fae as she slipped down the wharf, arms frantically pinwheeling as if the air would become solid, providing something that would halt her slippery path.

Disbelief quickly turned into anger once she was able to grab a railing along the side of the wharf, keeping her out of the shark infested waters. The laughing that had followed her suddenly turned into worried shouts colored with concern but that still didn’t cool her fiery ire.

No one was supposed to be laughing at her.

She wasn’t supposed to be laughing at her.

“You give her too much freedom,” her mother had mentioned offhandedly once or maybe a hundred times before. “She doesn’t know her place. The hierarchy of life. That she is untouchable only because she is yours.”

And Uma was Mal’s, claimed from the very first time they met.

Mal swung herself silently back onto the wharf, just behind Uma’s frantic form searching over the side of the wharf, ready to jump into the shark infested waters. When Uma’s voice was tinged with worry, with fear, Mal preened at Uma’s concern (“For me. Only for me,” she thought.) before reaching out and tapping the teal haired girl on the shoulder.

The look of relief on Uma’s face was addicting and on this wharf surrounded by the dregs of the Isle, Mal found it too precious to share with anyone else. So she poured a bucket of shrimp on her best friend and laughed at her as she had just been laughed at.

Fair is fair after all.

By the end of the day, everyone had heard of Uma’s new nickname either through the spreading gossip or by the smell alone.

“Shrimpy,” everyone, even Ursula, called her. Because “Uma” was something that Mal wanted to hoard all to herself, in name...and in person.

Uma was Mal’s.

It was never said but everyone knew it.

A week after the incident at the wharf, Mal watched as the Gaston twins shoved Uma to the ground, doing it again when she tried to get up. They laughed as mud and other Isle filth covered the girl, mingling in with the shrimpy scent that still lingered. They taunted her with crude and horrible words, punctuated every so often with their fists.

“Seriously, Mal? Again?” Jay sighed from the wooden crate he sat on with a practiced tone of boredom, despite the tension in his body. He tossed a knife he had pocketed earlier off of one of Shan Yu’s men into the air, catching it’s hilt it with little effort. “Why let Dumb and Dumber mess with your claim?”

Mal rolled her eyes. She thought he would get it. That he would understand the need to keep what was his close and under control. After all, though he denied having anything to do with it, there was a reason why Cruella’s sniveling little runt never got anything more than a little rough housing at school from anyone other than herself or Jay after the thief had seen a beating taken too far nearly kill the boy.

“Because she needs to be reminded of how things are run so she doesn’t forget her place,” Mal casually leaned against the crate. Somewhere deep inside her she purred that her Uma bit back each scream and groan she was inflicted.

“I still don’t get it,” Jay mumbled irritatedly. “Wasn’t that the hole point of dumping shrimp on her? She’s weak. Why not just move on and forget about her?”

She fumed. “You don’t need to get it,” Mal crossed her arms. If he didn’t get it, then it wasn’t her job to explain the rules of the game, the hierarchy of the Isle that was her birthright as Maleficent’s heir, how a part deep deep within her craved both for Uma’s affection and pain.

Jay let out  frustrated sigh, glancing over as one of the Gaston twins, shoved the small teal hair girl into the side of the building, a loud crack heard even from their distance.

“They’re going to break her,” Jay tossed the knife deftly back and forth between his hands. A nervous tick, Mal noticed.

“Get rid of them,” she ordered and for once, Jay didn’t fight her. He merely hopped down from the crate on quick silent feet, scooped up several large pieces of rocks, and tossed them with easy aim at the twins. The two boy’s thick necks swiveled towards his direction, scowling as he gave them a one finger salute.

Mal didn’t even watch as Jay took off laughing as the Gaston twins forgot their prey, chasing after the quick footed thief and his taunts. Instead, she made her way towards what was hers until she was crouching in front of the crumbled semi-conscious form of her favorite plaything.

Uma’s left eye and cheek was swollen and angry looking, her bottom lip split, and if the shallow breathing indicated anything, her ribs may have also been bruised as well.

Despite the beating, despite the taunts and cruel names, her dark brown eyes looked at Mal fiercely, never wavering.

“J-just...kill me.”

“Don’t worry,” Mal said taking Uma’s chin in her hand, her face softening. “That isn’t what I want at all. You’re mine after all. No one will take you from my side. No one,” she promised just as the other girl fell unconscious.

  ---

“Do not give me that greedy little look of yours,” Maleficent closed her eyes exasperatedly, pinching the bridge of her nose. She had to remind herself that her tadpole of a daughter was just a limo ride away from getting her off this damn Isle. She couldn’t kill her...yet... “I have already told you, Mal. You cannot bring your little pet with you to Auradon.”

“Then I guess I’m just not going.”

The entire room went silent, and if it wasn’t for the fact that there was no magic on the Isle, Mal would have sworn that the crack of thunder that shook the decrepit remains of the Bargain Castle was her mother’s doing.

“Mal,” her mother purred with so much sweetness in her voice that the hairs on the back of Mal’s neck stood to attention at the hidden danger.

The Mistress of Darkness pushed herself from the makeshift throne she had regally sprawled herself on, sweeping across the room, all patch worked cloak and squeaking floor boards towards her only spawn. Mal held her breath, jaw clenched as her mother’s twig like fingers grasped bruisingly her jaw. Jay, Evie, Carlos, and their parents were long gone, off to go pack and plunder and cause some last minute mischief before the royal limo arrived for them.

It was just Mal and her mother.

No one was there to witness the dark fairy’s hand move from her daughter’s jaw down to her neck with inhuman speed and strength. Mal choked, tears already beginning to burn against her glowing eyes, chipped black nails digging futilely into her mother’s unrelenting grip.

“Now you listen up, naughty girl of mine,” Maleficent smiled cruelly, bringing Mal close to her face. “Everything you have is because of me. You live because, at the moment, I wish it so.” A pale bony finger traced down Mal’s cheek, a poor counterfeit of affection. “Not one little tangled purple hair on your hornless head has been touched by the filthy vermin that scurry around this Isle because of me.”

Without warning, she dropped Mal with a push, turning around as if she couldn’t bare the sight of the girl struggling to fill her lungs with air.

“I don’t do it out of love, but as a reminder. Do not cross me, girl. There are worse things than death, and I am one of them.”

Mal glared at her mother’s back. Outlined by the dim light that managed to get through the dust coated windows, Maleficent looked like shadows breathed with life and the essence of all the nightmares that plagued Mal every nightmare.

(Scratch that. Her mother made her nightmares look like blissful dreams.)

“Bring your pet and its...toy,” Maleficent finally conceded

Mal bit the inside of her cheek as she got up to her feet. Before the smirk could grow on her face and she could sneak out of the castle, Maleficent called out to her.

“Remember, heir of mine,” she sighed over her shoulder, as if she found the task of talking to her own flesh and blood tedious and beneath her. “If you fail in getting me the wand, you are replaceable, as tiresome as that would be to cultivate a new heir.” Her glowing green eyes connected with Mal’s. “Don’t forget that, my dear.”

Mal’s teeth ground against themselves but she didn’t say anything else, knowing that she was dismissed. She slipped out of her mother’s castle, tugging the collar of her jacket up high to hide blooming hand shaped bruise on her neck. Keeping to the shadows, she took alleys and cut through nearly abandoned buildings until the smell of rotten fish, rum, and seaweed hit her like a wall.

Ignoring the leering gazes of the drunken pirates, Mal plowed through anyone who was in her way as she stalked through the Isle’s usual scowling crowd. She didn’t even pause when she came to the entrance of a building that looked like it was one weak wind of being blown away. Instead, she pushed through the set of swinging doors. The rowdy noise of the shady establishment instantly silenced at her grand entrance. All eyes were on Mal.

The sounds of pans and canisters dropping on the floor along with Uma’s curses and Gil’s bumbling apologies were heard from the beyond the kitchen doors before the object of Mal’s search came stomping out, scowl set deep on her lips as she tossed a tray of undoubtedly half rotten food in front of a customer.

Mal smirked internally when Uma freezed in her presence, catching the minute way the other girl seemed to shrink at the sight of the half-fae. Mal preened at her attention.

“Pack your things, Shrimpy. We’re heading to Auradon to steal a wand.” Her green eyes narrowed at Gil’s much larger form standing dutifully as always behind Uma. “Your idiot too, I guess,” she snorted before leaving, not even waiting for a response.

Uma would come. Afterall, she was Mal’s. And no one would be able to take her from Mal’s side. No one…

...except for a young sailor with eyes as deep as the sea.

---

“I hope you understand the difficult position recent circumstances have put us in.”

Mal tilted her head to the side. Her face scrunched up in confusion as she looked at Fairy Godmother. “I-I don’t understand, ma’am,” she frowned, worrying her bottom lip.

Fairy Godmother cleared her throat. “I am referring to the disappearances of Uma and Gil and their apparent connection to Harry Jones’s unfortunate magical induced visit to the school’s infirmary. We have still yet to find them and have no way of knowing whether they’ve attempted to go back to the Isle or not. All we have to go on is the evidence from Harry’s room when he was found and Prince Ben remembering you offering him a cookie,” the headmistress said pulling out a plastic bag with a half eaten cookie in it. “A cookie that we found, upon further inspection, to be laced with a love potion.”

“I- We had nothing to do with that!” Mal exclaimed, leaning forward in her seat. “I mean- I mean…” she paused,hands covering her face before a choked sob escaped her lips as she brought her legs up to her chest. Her hands moved from her face to clutching her hair tightly in trembling fists.

Fairy Godmother gasped, startled by the girl’s sudden tears.

“She was my best friend. Uma was my best friend and she...she...lied to me!”

“Oh dear heart,” Fairy Godmother got from her seat, moving around her desk to place a calming hand on Mal’s shoulder. She was startled when Mal suddenly clutched onto her, sobs growing stronger. For a moment, the woman didn’t know what to do, seconds seeming to drag before she put a hesitant but reassuring hand on top of the girl’s purple head before her maternal instincts took over and began stroking Mal’s head soothingly.

After a few moments, Mal’s sobbing began to settle down a bit tas she clutched onto the older fairy’s powder blue suit. “I had told Uma-,” she sniffed. “I had told her that I thought Prince Ben was cute. I mean, he’s so kind and-and good!” Mal laughed wetly, pulling away slightly to wipe at her nose with the back of her sleeve. “Ben’s...so, so good. There’s no one like him on the Isle. I couldn’t help but fall for him. Uma saw that. S-she said I should make cookies and give them to Ben. That she would help. I-I get so f-flustered around Ben sometimes that she said it would be a good idea to have an icebreaker. We made the cookies together but I didn’t know she put a love spell on them. I would never do that to Prince Ben. Never. I want- I want to be good. I-”

“Shh-shh, dear heart,” Fairy Godmother pulled a handkerchief from her pocket, wiping the remainder of Mal’s tears. “Obviously Uma and Gil have deceived us all. I’m so sorry you had to go through something like that. To have put your trust in the wrong person.”

Mal nods, giving the woman a shaky smile. “Thank you.”

Fairy Godmother spent a few more minutes doting on the girl before letting her leave the office. Mal gives the woman a wave and a small smile as she leaves before turning back into the hallway where Evie, Jay, and Carlos are waiting for her.

Her smile melts away into a sneer once the doors are closed and it’s only the four of them in the hall.

“Idiot old fairy,” Mal spits before tossing Jay a used menthol stick that he had swiped from one of the theatre kids that had trouble crying on cue.

Mal didn’t even look to see if the others were following her as she stomped through the halls of Auradon, hands twitching at her side, green sparks dancing dangerously at her fingertips at the thought of Uma and what she would do once she got her hands on her.

Her mother had been right. Uma had never understood the hierarchy of life and her place below even the very bottom in it. 

But that was Mal’s fault, she acknowledged. She had been too soft. Had bruised Ursula’s spawn but never really broken her. It was a mistake that she would be sure to never make again.

After all, there are worse things than death, and Mal would make sure that for Uma and her little sailor, she would be one of them.

[ketchup-chup]

Isekai that don’t completely suck pt 3

Didn’t think I would be making more since I feel it’s so mainstream now everyone has probably read all of these but just in case you haven’t here are a few isekai stories I’m enjoying.

 Some of these also go by different names sometimes due to translation differences or having been officially licensed and renamed so apologies about that.

I Became the Hero’s Mom 

Summary: After passing away and being reincarnated into her favourite book, Aisha couldn’t ask for anything more than to fangirl and fawn over her favourite character Abel, until suddenly she finds herself engaged to his father. 

There are a lot of stories like this one where the main character isekai’s and finds themselves the stepmom of their favourite character or just some cute kid they adore and they can get a bit cringy with how much the main character fangirls for the kid but this one just hit different. It still has it’s moments of intense secondhand embarrassment however, I find both the child and the male lead in this one more tolerable and the plot is actually very intriguing once it gets going.

The Tyrant’s Only Perfumer 

Summary: A young woman passes away to wake up in the body of Ariel Winston, the antagonist in the book she was reading. A perfumist who had forced the protagonist of the novel into dating her by blackmailing him with a perfume that calms his bloodlust that only she can create.

I love villainess manhwa’s where the main character has a special talent of some kind and a perfumer is certainly a new one! Not to mention the art for this one is very pleasing to look at so that’s a plus too!

The Way to Protect The Female Lead’s Older Brother 

Summary: Waking up in the body of Roxana Agriche, the daughter of the man who had kidnapped the heroine’s older brother, she must do avoid her death and the heroine's future vengeance by taking the initiative to save the heroin’s brother

OKay this one is darker than the rest, and I didn’t add it to the description but the main character wakes in a world of a 18+ novel. While it’s not extremely graphic or anything it can still be a bit suggestive and sorta violent so skip this one if you don’t like that sorta thing.

That being said the main character is extremely different than the normal kinds we see and even in her everyday life the stakes actually seem high. It’s a bit of a breath of fresh air. Fairing warning though while he’s not the male lead (I hope?) she gets very… friendly with one of her brothers. 

Death is the Only Ending for the Villainess

Summary: Waking up in the world of an otome game set on hard mode, our protagonist wakes up in the body of Penelope Eckhart, a villainess who seems destined to die at every turn

The concept and execution (no pun intended) of this one is very unique as the main character is able to see how well the male lead’s like her (like an affection meter) as well other having other popup windows telling her of her overall popularity and of events that are about to happen. I know there are a few others with this concept too but the way this one presents these things is very well done.

Living as the Tyrant's Older Sister

Summary: Alicia finds herself reborn into the world of a fantasy novel where she plays the role of the older sister to a tyrant who will inevitably be the cause of her beheading! To avoid this fate Alicia seduces the male lead’s friend to hopefully leave the country with him only to find she had seduced the wrong man

The art for this one is very distinct but definitely not in a bad way especially in it’s comedic moments. The protagonist, Alicia, is very funny and charming and her relationship with her brother is very realistic in that they are always at each other’s throats lol

This list is a little shorter than the rests just because I find that after I recommend a series it’ll keep updating (as ongoing series tend to do) and I’ll just not like them very much anymore, whether it’s because they got boring or just got plain bad. So this time I was a bit more picky and I pray that these series don’t fail me. 

[stardancerluv]

Is There Love When Dating the King of Gotham?

Part 2 of 2

Summary: Roman worries about you.

Warning: Language, angst, implied smut

Note: Some gifs are from Halston (Ewan is amazing in it!)

When Victor formally and finally interacts with the girl he grows to love. (It’s rough...I want to edit it some...but you get the idea!)

Roman was confused. You had been so happy earlier. Maybe the marks, he mused. Well he did get enthusiastic but then again, this had been the longest he’d been away from you.

Looking around he saw no one noticed your little act or at least they pretended they didn’t. He was going to talk to you.

Sliding free of the table, he got up and made his way over to the elevator.

“Boss?” Zsasz stopped him halfway.

He slid his eyes over. “What?”

“Y/N is upset.”

He swallowed, he blinked looking at the scared man. “I noticed. Do you know why?”

He scratched the back of his head. “No.”

“All right. Is there anything else?” His annoyance continued to grow.

“Falcone is here early.”

“Really? Fuck.” He ran his fingers through his hair. “It’s my first night back. He can fucking wait.” He straightened one of his cuffs.

“His assassin is with him.”

His brow furrowed. “Then go and talk to him. Tell Falcone my other meeting is running late.” Roman looked over at Zsasz and saw something was over his face. Was that a fucking sheepish look? He couldn’t believe it. “And why can’t you talk to him?”

“She’s a girl.”

“So?” He took a mental step back. “Compare your exploits!”

“But she is beautiful.”

“Yeah, Zsasz, are you fucking serious.”

“Yeah. I can’t chat her up.”

“You can. You both kill people. Start there.”

Zsasz’s eyes grew for a moment before darkening and narrowing again.

“Look, it’s true. You both,” Roman rolled his eyes. “You keep us respectively safe. Start there. I’m sure she’d love some of your stories.” He grinned thinking of some of lessons Zsasz had helped him send to his enemies. Times called for certain actions and Zsasz had helped greatly.

A smug razor thin smile spread across Zsasz’s face. “Really?” His features even brightened. “Seriously?”

He could not believe, he’d ever have to give his right hand man a pep talk. “Yeah. Now go over and charm her.”

His mouth twitched upward, before settling back down. “All right.”

*****

Roman was still shaking his head when the elevator announced its arrival at the penthouse.

The penthouse was dark walking further into it, he could only hear the sound of his steps as he walked.

Meeting the apex between the living and the business part of his penthouse, he paused. Seeing a glow of light coming from under the door of your studio, his heart lifted. Maybe you had a deadline and decided to work. Sometimes you worked too hard. Those clients of yours didn’t deserve you.

He slowly turned the knob and walked in. He stopped, his breath caught in his throat at the sight of you looking crumbled in the middle of your studio. Feeling like this was new to him. Usually it was just him or his power and his club. Seeing you like this, he wanted to sweep you off your feet and into his arms. He wanted you to feel better. Taking a breath, he went over to you.

He knelt down and wrapped an arm around you. “Baby.” His voice came out as a purr, showing his concern for you wasn’t as hard as he thought it would be. “What’s the matter?”

You pulled away from him. “What are you doing here?” You spat out.

“I was worried about you.” His voice came out darker than he intended but he wasn’t about to apologize.

“Worried the little bitch will run away while you are allowed to stray?”

Confusion mixed with his earlier annoyance. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

Tears fell from your eyes. “You keep me like a kept bitch, while you’re the top dog. You do what you please, while you keep me close to keep an eye on me. Showering me with extravagant gifts, and you give me a good fucking so I don’t care when you see the next cute piece of ass.”

“Where the fuck is this coming from, is it because I marked you earlier?”

He did enjoy giving you expensive gifts. What else should he do with his fucking money besides getting a new suit or car. Or using it to maintain his power. And he’d be lying if he didn’t admit you were an amazing fuck, the best he’d ever had. But what the hell had gotten into you.

He thought you loved being his. Had you seen him talking with that new fucking singer, he wondered.

He really hating his actions being questioned. He was tempted to let you have your little fit and just go down to his meeting with Falcone. But he was also still tired from his trip, he did not need this. Especially from you.

“Roman.” Your voice cracked, and suddenly you pushed him. He slipped but didn’t lose his footing, his anger finally poured out of him.

He grabbed you then, he heard and saw you wince. “You fucking tell me what’s the matter or I’m going back downstairs, I didn’t come up here for you to scream at me.” He shook you a little. He didn’t like being rough like this with you. After being a punching bag, he didn’t like this. “I’d fuck you but I don’t want you to think I’m bribing you. So out with it.”

“I love you.” You finally spoke, your voice had grown scratchy. “Don’t you love me?”

His grip on your arms loosened. “Of course I do.” He swallowed.

“You’ve never said it. You leave notes to me with... With your initials.”

He pressed his lips together. “Baby, I spoil you.”

“I told you I don’t need any of those presents.”

“I’ve... well ki-”His voice trailed off. “I’ve corrected problems for you and people have paid for wronging you.”

“Yeah but...”

“My silly little girl,” He shook his head. The thought made his stomach churn. He had never really felt this way. He loved himself, so this churning felt good but it was new to him. “I love you. You’re the only one.” He exhaled, and he smiled. That had felt good, he smiled even broader when he saw the glow and flush come back to your face.

“Oh, Roman.”

He rose an eyebrow. “Is that where all this is coming from?”

You nodded.

He shook his head and sighed. “Look, you know me. I’m not sentimental. I’m actually quite a cold bastard. Not with you.” He grew serious. “Now, I won’t say it often but know that I do. Now, get rid of those fucking kept bitch thoughts, you are my girl...my baby...” He searched for an even better word. “You’re my princess.” He smiled. “That’s why I enjoy spoiling you so much.”

“Oh Roman, I just needed to know.” You threw your arms around him After a few breaths, he wrapped his arms around you. Damn, he never thought you could be as temperamental as him. He liked that you had a spark to you and he certainly loved all of you.

******

As Falcone droned on about territory and you quietly sipped at your drink, you placed a hand on Roman’s thigh. Idly, you had been enjoying the random brushing of Roman’s gloved fingertips on your shoulder as his arm rested above you on the cushion.

You were so glad that he had not walked away. You were bubbly finally knowing he did in fact love you. You squeezed his thigh at the thought.

You eyed Falcone, he was a large man, up and down. His right-hand woman of sorts who sat beside him, she barely had room. You could swear she had glanced at Zsasz a few times as he stood close beside Roman while the meeting went on. But who would make eyes at him. He was shut off with no sense of humor. You resisted the urge to roll your eyes at the thought.

From how Roman shifted beside you, it was evident he was growing bored. You glanced his way when he pulled the last olive off the cocktail pick. It clanked against the glass when he tossed it into the empty glass.

A smile blossomed from you while sipping your drink when his gloved hand went over yours. His eyes met yours briefly as he continued to nibble on the olive before looking back at Falcone.

*****

“Could Falcone be any more boring?” You asked as you felt Roman’s fingers drift near around the necklace.

He had helped you fasten it on before the two of you went back downstairs. Now with it the only thing on your body and you still felt clothed. Though now it meant so much more.

“Yes, I’ve had to sit alone with him.” A deep chuckle came from him, as he looked down at you.

“I suppose that could be rough.” You smiled at him, from where your head rested on his chest.

“I was imagining all the things I could do to you while you just wear this; entertained me for the last part of the meeting.” A smirk played on his lips.

“Oh really? Do you feel like sharing some of those ideas?”

A happy squeal came from you as he managed to pull you even closer to him. “We have a few hours before dawn, I suppose we could do a few of them.”

@spn-obsessed-dean @vintagemichelle91 @xxxeatyourh3artoutxxx @ewanfuckingmcgregor @zodiyack @angel98624 @frenchgirlinlondon @emyliabernstein @thepeachreads @nebulastarr @itsknife2meetu @omghappilyuniquebouquetlove @poe-kadot26 @babydoll97-blog1 @hazel-nuss @vcat55 @feelthemadnessinside @johallzy @foreverhockeytrash @frostypenguinoz @professionalclown @chogisss @shantellorraine @xxinvisiblexx @blondekel77 @saphic-stories @drarrylov3r @i-cant-hear-you16 @deadlymistress24 @yesqueenofthelight @generallj @thebeckyjolene @blackmasque @mrskenobi19 @bdffkierenwalker

[chyrstis]

WIP Friday!

I’ve had some tags throughout the week, so I’m going to cash them all in here, since Friday’s the day and I might’ve been hoping to get this posted last night too, whoops! And I want to thank you all for tagging me even if I don’t always respond quickly! <3 I definitely intend to, but there’s never enough time in a day or a week, is there? 

Tagged by @redroci @tommymillers @jackiesarch @ma-sulevin and @amistrio and @adelaidedrubman !

Tagging: @writerofblocks @twistedsinews @painterofhorizons @hunnybadgerv @cobb-vanthss @shallow-gravy @nightwingshero @ma-sulevin @shellibisshe @jackalopestride @unlikelynick @geronimo-11 @fluttyseed @fadedjacket @weekend-writer @starsandskies @faithchel @belorage @tomexraider @consumedkings @vasiktomis @chazz-anova @aceghosts @ofravensandgenesis @scarlettkat86 (and if you’re already posted WIPs, don’t mind me one bit! no obligation or pressure’s ever intended)

First, a snippet from Lighting the Fuse’s Ch. 2 which I’d love to edit up and post this weekend, so here’s hoping I can kick myself in the butt hard enough to pull it off? *crosses fingers*

---

“Not tonight, hon. Not tonight.” Propping herself back up on her elbows, she gave him a smile. “You’re here now, though. So…how about it?”

“How about what?”

“You ask,” she replied, giving him a lazy smile. “Since I’m clearly on the cusp of benching you if you don’t.”

Sharky clapped his mouth shut. Stood there, rooted to the ground and didn’t let out a single peep. 

That boggled her completely. “Seriously, hon? Nothing?”

It was dark, but Hana could almost swear he was a shade of red darker than her hair right now. “You uh…. See I didn’t think it was-maybe you being asleep kinda threw off my groove a bit.”

Hana blinked at him. Watched a crooked smile settle onto his face as he let a nervous chuckle out.

“Like, like I mean I was gonna-was thinking of maybe doing this sorta-” His words trailed off as he clenched his teeth, swallowed hard, and let out a long exhale.  “Okay, so maybe this shit isn’t exactly-”

A loud sigh came from her left directly from the radio, and the sound filled the entire room.

“…Wait, what the fuck?” Sharky asked, his eyes darting everywhere as he tried to pinpoint where it was coming from. “You hear that?”

Clenching her fists, Hana slowly let her hands relax as she let the tension out. “Unfortunately.”

“Deputy, Deputy, Deputy. I know you’re listening. But I’m starting to think you’re doing this on purpose. I thought you wanted my attention. Would’ve been glad to finally have it undivided, and yet you deny me the pleasure of hearing a single response in turn. How…cruel.”

---

And a bit more of the Hana/Sharky one-shot I’ve been chipping away at, that’s actually getting really close to being finished too. I just need to jot down a few more moments for it and see if these two can actually clam up long enough to let me finish

---

“Yo, it’s not like I’ve been there any longer than a few days at a time, and half of the shit they’ve dragged me down to the jail for’s legal, just not in any of the spots I ended up doing it.”

“Is that right?”

“Yeah, which is just fucking stupid seeing as lighting a fire by my house’s fine, but if it gets out to the street and catches on the trees ‘cause it’s extra dry out and the wind’s blowing, suddenly I gotta go in ‘cause I’m negligent or some shit. Then the po-po’s claiming I gotta have a permit to burn in the drier seasons, but it rains fucking plenty here.”

He’d draped his arm over her shoulders by this point, the motion coming so easily from him she hadn’t even noticed at first. Just nestled right into that warmth almost on reflex as Sharky kept on talking, and didn’t want to budge an inch if she could help it.

“Man, it’ll be the driest stretch of the year, and the sky’ll just open up and drop a bucket-load on us ‘cause it’s feeling it, but even if it don’t, anything I start’ll get put out. Just ‘cause I’m around doesn’t mean shit’s gonna go down, or nothing. ‘Cause then phone calls are made, people start looking at me funny, and I’m getting pulled out of my car for jack and shit when maybe I just wanted to take a breather there. Maybe get in a few Zs, take five to ten to jerk it, and they don’t gotta watch that too closely if I’m doing it either.”

She’d been nodding along with him, then stopped. Let that statement sink in as her eyebrows drew together before they rose high on her face.

“…Hon, that’s not legal.”

“Aw, come on, Dep! Don’t tell me there’s some kinda permit for parking out-“

“No, not that. You’d probably get slapped with a ticket or fine, sure, but it’s more about the fact that you were  beating it there.”

“It’s indoors.”

That response came quick enough for her to tilt her head back to look at him. To side-eye him heavily as he shrugged, and damn. She’d curled up to him a lot closer than she’d initially thought. Close enough to-

She cleared her throat.

---

And a little more of the No Cult AU, maybe? ...I may have watched Speed again last night entirely due to this. and it might also be up to almost 8K in length as well, pre-edits, so... Help 

---

But that didn’t solve the other problem. Towing it.

A truck would’ve been their best bet, but with him already there it didn’t make sense to try and scrape together cash for a tow truck, or to fire off a call to anyone down at the compound. His car had been used to drag Sr’s truck out of more than a few ditches without tearing the frame up, so this wasn’t a stretch to consider, and leaving them hanging now would’ve just been a shit thing to do when they didn’t even have a working phone or forty bucks between them. 

And while he’d never been able to get a tow bar to last more than a few months max, he had a few solid workarounds that could still get the job done. One of which he’d seen in a commercial a while back. 

He knew it almost by heart at this point, and cool as it’d be to fix their problem by just whipping his pants off and tying their vehicles together with them to help tow them to the compound, he’d gone down that road before. Hell, not just once, but twice now, and considering he’d been left between getting pepper sprayed and arrested, or having a busted set of jeans and his ass hanging out for the rest of the day, he wasn’t sure he liked where that left him on round number three.

Besides these were a well-worn pair, and they seriously didn’t make them like they used to. Long as he tried not to get too creative with them, they had more than a few good years in them yet. So after some sifting and digging through the trunk of his car, Sharky kept his fingers crossed that he’d find an actual tow strap back there. He and Hurk had been through this dance enough times before that he knew he had one, and crossed his fingers that he hadn’t left it over at Sr.’s place. 

Sure enough, there it was. Fucking majestic, and almost crumpled in the back, Sharky withdrew one perfect tow strap and broke out a few moves to celebrate it before hitching the two together. 

Once it was secure, he told them all to hop in, and while trying to cram one extra person into his car was tough three other people might’ve been pushing it. John regularly had the best seat in the house and still hardly made it more than a few miles before fussing at him, and here they were double - and triple stacking themselves in any spare space in order to take a seat. Man, he was already thinking up ways to relay this story to Hurk later on, but with them semi-settled and packed safe as they could be, he fired the engine up and got them all back on the road. 

It wasn’t a far drive out to Joseph’s but he took his time with it. Drove the slowest he’d ever attempted short of being twelve and behind the wheel for the first time, trying to be extra gentle with it all as the van lumbered behind them.

If he went too fast, they’d tear the back of his car off and lose it. If they hit the brakes too hard, they’d get rammed, so he needed to nail that sweet spot. Keep from tipping from one end over into the other as he played his very own version of Speed out on this stretch of road, watching that needle dance back and forth over that perfect point as he started to sweat a little under his cap.

But he had this. Pressed his foot down on the gas and let up when he needed to, exercising the kind of control that even John would give a silent nod of approval to - which would almost make him the Keanu to his Sandra, except John wasn’t there and currently trying to crawl under any of this shit to keep a bomb from going off - but whatever, it was close enough.

So he watched the mile markers fly by as they got closer and closer to the island, and by the time they rolled through the gate and came to a stop, Sharky let out whatever breath he’d started holding, and didn’t even care when the van nearly smashed into them on the home stretch anyway.  

[morganas-pendragons]

Light | Wrecker

This is #1 of at least half a dozen or more fics I am gifting my Twitter kids for Christmas! I wanted to give back this year, and so I decided to write some things for characters I haven’t really tried anything for yet. Regardless of that, I hope you enjoy! 

I played around with the clones ages for this considering we don’t know how old The Bad Batch is - like with Rex physically looking like he’s in his twenties but not actually being so. 

This reader is a mom to the clones and uses she/her pronouns - exactly like the type in my headcanons - and she happens to have a favorite... 

***

This was supposed to be a no strings attached type of job. The Kaminoans had recruited you, a simple human, to be a caretaker - of sorts - for the hundreds of babies that occupied their nurseries within the cloning facilities. 

  “There’s no point in forming attachments, Miss. Soon enough they’ll be handed a gun and told to go play war.” 

Yeah. Well. You intend to give these children as much love as you are physically able, and that all starts with the first gaze you set upon one of the clones in the back of the nursery with the mutation. 

He’s among 3 others who are specifically mutated for purposes you are not privy to know as a civilian. That doesn't matter. You pass through lines of cradles and approach the four in the back, peering over the side to gaze into the wide and vulnerable eyes of the largest baby. 

  “Hello, sweet boy.” You murmur, grinning as he coos happily at your voice and lifts his arms upward for you to sweep him upward and into your warm embrace. “You’re stunning. I bet you’re going to be such a big, strong boy!” 

The baby’s response - despite only being old enough to hold himself upright in your lap - is only to clap joyfully and pound his tiny hands against your legs. 

Big, strong boy. You’re gonna change the world. I just know it. 

Wrecker, Age Four 

His brothers named him Wrecker. It’s fitting, given how much larger he became then the other clones, but you’re too attached to the boy to leave Tipoca City at the time that the Kaminoans have asked you to.

  “Buir!” You’ve been moved to the rooms in which they house the clones who are toddlers, and the first thing you see upon waking from your nap is a child sprinting as fast as he’s able to launch himself into your lap. “You’re awake!” 

You beam and press a kiss to his forehead. “Hi ad,” You whisper, peering over his shoulder as he wraps his arms around your neck and buries his face in your shoulder. “Something you need to tell me? I gotta go take care of your brothers.” 

  “They gave me a name today!” He says, and your eyes widen as you gaze at his three brothers who stand before you. 

  “Only because he nearly broke Viper’s nose!” 

You raise an eyebrow and gently pry Wrecker away from your chest. He’s definitely larger then the other clones despite how young he is, but he’d never use his size and strength for violence. Never. Your son is soft, innocent. He’s good. 

  “Wrecker, what’s-” Your gaze snaps back to the clone with the darker hair who then replies to your query with Hunter. It’s a fitting name. “Hunter, talking about?” 

That’s the same day you learn that the clones who will eventually make up the spec-ops team known as The Bad Batch are fiercely protective of each other. They must have learned it from the person who protected them. 

Little to the knowledge of most people, you took these four clones - the special ones, the ones who got the stares, the ones who got picked on and bullied by their brothers - under your wing. You saved them. 

And in turn they save each other. 

You are so proud to be Wrecker’s mother in that moment as he hastily recants a story of how he almost broke Viper’s nose simply because he was bullying Crosshair. 

  “Ad,” You ruffle his hair and beam with pride as you wind your arms around his body. “I am so proud of you.” 

When Wrecker climbs into bed that night, the words he never hears from his trainers and superiors rings in his mind as he burrows under the thin blanket the Kaminoans have given him and his vode. 

  “I am so proud of you.” 

As he falls into sleep, he dreams of his mother. A home, a family, and a mother standing in the kitchen unit - who gives him real food, real food he likes and he’s allowed to eat that tastes salty and sweet and sour and he’s so excited to have it - who treats her son as if he’s the whole world. The whole galaxy. 

Wrecker, Age 10 

The day he returns from a training mission with the rest of Clone Force 99 is the same day you have your first real battle with panic. According to what Crosshair and Tech tell you upon return, Wrecker was injured in a way that leaves him partially blind and with significant scarring. 

You’re terrified. He and the rest of the Batch have already had a difficult time integrating themselves in with their brothers to the point where they’ve taken to calling the non-mutated clones regs and now only associate with each other. You don’t particularly care much about that anymore. As long as they’re looking out for each other. 

When Wrecker is released from the medbay, you search the cloning facility for your son until you find him in the quietest room - the nursery - with his back against the wall and his chin resting on his knees. His face is scarred. His eye is cybernetic. 

Maker, you love him. 

  “Wrecker,” Hunter had warned you about approaching him - claiming he’d become hard of hearing with the explosion that had injured him - and had brought up a fantastic idea with Tech’s help that you were going to initiate as soon as he was ready. “Ad.”

Your son lifts his eyes to meet yours. 

  “Buir,” He replies softly, always so careful to not disturb the babies who lay in their cradles around him. “Did you need something?” 

You tilt your head and sit in front of him, parting your legs and resting your elbows against your knees. Wrecker watches you intently as you do so. He’s always been perceptive - not as much as Hunter, but enough - and with the lack of his sight, he’s having to rely more on his limited senses. 

  “Do you see this?” You take your fingers, press them all together, and rest them against the bottom of your chin before moving your hand forward. “This is sign language. It means thank you. It’ll be an easier way to talk to your vode when you can’t hear them so well. Is that something you’d be willing to learn?” 

He nodded and frowned. “I’m gonna miss blowing stuff up.” 

You reach outward, brush what remains of his hair away from his eyes, and repeat the sign for thank you and you’re welcome. He watches your hands mimic the movements before repeating them for you to see. Wrecker does them perfectly. 

  “Don’t worry.” You murmur. “You’re gonna get to blow stuff up again. I promise.” 

Your only response is his smile. It’s more than enough. 

Wrecker, Age 12  (Set during S7) 

'Сause you are loved You are loved more than you know I hereby pledge all of my days To prove it so

After a while, the Kaminoans have had their uses for you. Your services are no longer required and so you are sent back to the boring home world that you have barely stepped foot on since being sent to Kamino to be the caretaker to infant clones. 

Your experience with the formed Grand Army of the Republic is what gets you into the military, has you trained, and eventually what lands you on Anaxes. 

Though your heart is far too young to realize The unimaginable light you hold inside

  “Ma’am,” Cody’s voice rings out from behind you as you stand in the hangar bay, arms crossed over your chest with your eyes on the horizon as if waiting for the arrival of a ship. “I’ve cleaned your blasters. Just how you like them.” 

You turn to acknowledge the Marshal Commander and smile softly at him. While you spent much of your time with The Bad Batch on Kamino, the greater majority of the Commander Batch and the younger clones have considered you one of them for quite some time. 

  “Thank you Kote.” You murmur. He nods his acknowledgement and before he turns back to Kenobi, lays a hand on your shoulder and says something about the arrival of Clone Force 99 for a mission they’re assigned to do with Rex. “What?” 

The less then graceful landing of the ship known as the Havoc Marauder signals their arrival. You don’t dare move. It’s been too long since you’ve seen them, seen him, and you want to value the moment while you can. 

I'll give you everything I have I'll teach you everything I know

They had never really known the lengths you went to in order to protect them - to protect him - and give him the life, the childhood, you felt he deserved. The Bad Batch had still had it rough, but your gentle nature upon meeting them had impacted them significantly. 

  “The Calvary has arrived!” 

The first thing you see is the personalized armor. You are not the slightest bit surprised they threw in all their effort into ensuring their armor - out of the entire army - was the most notorious. Not to mention that as someone who watched them all grow up, you can see each of their personalities within the way they’ve painted it. 

Then you see him. It’s unmistakeable that it’s Wrecker considering how much taller and broader he is then the rest of The Bad Batch, but it’s not him that notices your presence first. 

It’s Tech. Ever the perceptive, constantly absorbing as much information as able, constantly recording everything, who sees you standing in the hangar and nudges his brother in the midst of speaking to Rex and Cody to point you out. 

  “Mom?” Cody asks skeptically, followed by a gasped “Buir? That’s the buir I never got to meet?!” 

Kix is laughing hysterically at the way Jesse guffaws upon realizing that you are the infamous mother to the clones, but only these four and specifically Wrecker, but the way your heart swells when Wrecker notices you standing there far outweighs the reactions of all the other vode around you. 

Instead of a greeting, Wrecker does one thing. He sees you, beams like the sun lives deep within him, and very promptly tosses you upward to sit on his shoulders. He looms over all his brothers. That doesn’t stop him. 

Oh... oh, that boy has not and will never change. 

With every heart beat I have left

I will defend your every breath

Bonus: 

  “I get to blow it up? The whole stinking thing?” Wrecker asks, to which he then looks to you with wide eyes. “You made a promise!” 

You smirk and pat Anakin’s shoulder as you pass him. “Oh, I know I did.” You reply. “Anakin is keeping up on my promise for me.” When Wrecker begins to take the detonator, you turn to the Jedi and meet his gaze. I’ve been promising him this since he was old enough to know how to blow things up.” You coax him into fully handing over the detonator to your son. “Go on. Make his year.” 

Admiral Trench’s cruiser explodes in a cloud of sparks behind The Havoc Marauder. 

[three--rings]

Colorism in Word of Honor?

So the topic of colorism as it potentially relates to Zhou Zi Shu’s disguise in Word of Honor/Shen He Ling has been raised.

And to be honest, I had the thought myself that it was a little...hmm...that part of his “ugly” disguise is a seemingly darker skin tone.  Now he’s also playing the part of and living as a beggar, so he’s meant to be dirty and living outdoors, which may be part of the reason for his makeup.

But I also noticed that some gifs I was seeing made his skin look a LOT darker than it did when I was actually watching the episodes.  So I went back to look for myself, and ended up taking a lot of comparison screen-shots and here we are.

FTR, I’m not intending this post to be giving any definitive answer about whether this is or is not colorism or objectionable or anything.  I think you can probably make cases in both directions that wouldn’t be unreasonable, and it’s really not my call. 

First of all, it’s important to note that skin tone as it appears on screen depends HUGELY on lighting.  One person can be lit in ways that completely changes how their skin appears in the final product.  And I think that’s happening a lot in this show, as well as the make-up not being always applied the same.  Sometimes ZZS is supposed to look cleaner or dirtier and I think the cleaner times are when he’s got less bronzer on. 

So first of all, what does he look like out of disguise?

(All pictures are DIRECT, unedited screenshots from my computer, off Youku Youtube. They aren’t the highest possible quality, because...I’m too lazy. )

Keeping in mind both of those still involve make-up, so it’s not necessarily his “natural” skintone.

Then as a beggar, in full sun. 

Same location, slightly later in the same scene, different episode, different lighting.  You can see all the dirt smudges on his neck in particular.

In a cave.  This shows off the Extreme Contouring look of his make-up and the way it’s sorta blotchy, like on his nose and neck.  Is that meant to look like dirt?  It’s not really all-over dark, but definitely trying to make him look gaunt and with dark under-eye circles.  Also comparison to WKX’s skintone in the bottom one.

This is after he’s had a bath and changed clothes.  Not nearly as harsh in the contours at all.  This is a very different make-up job, honestly.

And this is the end of ep 4, in semi-natural light, about as “presentable” as he’s gotten. 

So, that’s a side by side.  I think it’s clear the make-up has changed over these first episodes, from a very harsh initial “beggar” look, to something a lot less extreme, as the character’s situation has changed.  I don’t think it’s as simple as the show intentionally making his skin dark to make him ugly, so much as them trying to tell a story visually.

But how successful it’s been is up for debate, certainly.  Taking an actor and trying to make him look like a different person is hard, especially on a limited budget.  Certainly you might not LIKE the end result of the make-up and that’s totally valid.  I just don’t think it’s always as extreme a contrast as some clips and/or gifs or stills might make it appear.

[awake-my-oceans]

Days 8 and 9

So I said I’d do this every day and then promptly skipped a day. Whoops. In all fairness, I did write out my response and planned to post it later, but then I got sucked into the black hole of a very well-executed, very stressful fanfic until 1:30 and then promptly passed out. Anyways, my responses to both days are under the cut. (Some people in this challenge put NFSW stuff under the cut. None of my stuff is NSFW, but it’s under a cut anyways since it’s longer than normal.)

What is your favorite trope to write and/or read? And is there a difference between reading and writing the trope?

Found family found family found—

I used to think my favorite trope was angst and/or whump. But then I realized that the darker parts were an unhealthy outlet for various mental health stuff, and the healthy stuff was essentially “character A is legitimately suffering, but then found family makes it better. It doesn’t necessarily fix the situation, but it makes things possible where they were not before.”

So, like. Found family that’s not afraid of angst but doesn’t intend to go in circles with the angst, either.

If I write it, I like the specific brand of trope/characterization/etc more than usual. Whether it’s because it takes stronger-than-normal like to get me writing, or because writing makes me like it more, is anyone’s guess. Probably both, tbh.

This is on full display in my current wip. I could easily and accurately summarize it as “therapy ain’t happening, lol, so throw found family and a few much-needed breakdowns into the pot for a home brew version.” (Admittedly, two protagonists are cousins, but, like. They basically have to decide whether to let that family claim matter to them, and they way they do it is essentially by found family-ing each other so, like? Classify that as you will.)

Tell us about ideas you have floating around. Worldbuilding snippets, or ideas for new stories. Just a few bullet points.

Underneath Kid and Conan (friendly rivals) is thief and detective (legally opponents). But underneath that is Kaito and Shinichi (lonely, the both of them, and worldshakingly kind).

Kaito is soft, around his doves, in ways the masks of Kuroba and KID otherwise don’t allow.

Toichi taught Kaito a whole lot about acting, but the thing that really drilled it into Kaito’s bones was the days, weeks, months, and years after Toichi died. His father was dead, his mother was emotionally and perhaps physically absent, and Kaito was a wreck. Adults, and Aoko, were understandably concerned. And Kaito, oh so kind underneath it all, was upset because his behavior was making people sad and worried, and he didn’t like it. So he fiddled around with how he presented himself until he discovered that “quiet, silly kid and occasional class clown” made people think he was bouncing back. He wasn’t, but after a while, only Aoko really suspected it. KID is a weirdly honest way for him to express how behind the easy humor is grief and skill and steel self-control.

Akako’s magic can make anyone besotted with her—except for the people she genuinely does or will love. Her journey to accepting this is complicated.

Kaito initially started being KID for the opportunity to connect with his father and for the thrill, in that order. But after only a few heists, he starts realizing that while those things have value, it’s not worth the damage it will do to his future—legally, mental-health-wise, and with Aoko. If he hadn’t found out the details of his father’s murder via his father’s murderers, he would have kept an ear to the ground because of Jii saying his father was murdered, but he otherwise would have dropped KID within a few weeks.

When he moves back into his own house, Shinichi is a little disgruntled and a little mad and a little wistful to discover that he sleeps easier when someone else is in the room snoring, now.

[marshmallowprotection]

Do you still like V after the events of Saeran's after end? Do you think he's horribly OOC in there or do think he's in character?

I hear so many V stans say he's out of character but I dont think so. It you consider what he's done in the Christmas DLC, in Another Story, and in the main routes of Deep/Casual story he's always been obsessed with Rika and always keeps making bad decisions (or keeps procrastinating making a decision) because he's unwiling to priortitize the RFA over Rika. Ray's after end is just a timeline where he decides to stop hesitating and fully commit to his obsession with Rika. Its him making the worst decisions possible.

If anything, its V's own route that feels OOC because I feel like there's too little chance he would stop obsessing over Rika and fall in love with someone else. But those are just my own thoughts and opinions. I'm curious to hear yours.

Personally, I said this when I was going through my initial reaction to Saeran’s AE so you could read that series if you haven’t already because I put it down in a lot more blatant detail. I’ll leave this free from this tag, though, don’t want to add dislike over there when I know a lot of people are hurt and upset. So, let me just say, SPOILERS AHEAD.

I have to say that I don’t think he was out of character. I sincerely don’t. I think was the game showing us truly how far V is willing to go for Rika and how far he had already gone for Rika. Listen, V’s not my favorite person in the world but I’d say that he went through a lot in his life and he has such a specific personality type that we can’t disregard. Both he and Rika were wrong in their relationship with each other. They both did wrong things. 

V is a victim of Rika’s abuse, that is for sure, but V did say and push Rika to lean more into her more violent thoughts. It had a lot to do with his warped sensibility and what he was dealing with on his own, from his mother, to how his personal understanding of love was twisted and fractured. He said it himself in his route that he was obsessed with Rika and that he would do anything for Rika because that love was an infatuation stronger than any drug. 

The Secret Ending, for example. He was willing to come and get everyone from the cabin. I don’t know what he thought was going to happen when he did that or if anyone would trust him. He’s got such a martyr complex that it pains me and I wish he valued himself more and admitted that he needed to stop this and just talk about what help he needed. I understand that it’s fucked up, and all of this is complicated because the boys cannot be found by the government. 

But, he could have told Jumin. 

He could have done a lot of things but he hesitated and got scared and tried to blame himself and do it on his own. He doesn’t want Rika to die. He doesn’t want Rika to go to prison. He doesn’t want Rika to suffer. Yet, he’s seeing how she’s hurting others and hurting herself and spiraling, and... sometimes it’s hard for me to understand why he lied. He doesn’t know about Mika, the AE said that as a fact, and I don’t know when he found out about Mint Eye. 

But, he lies to cover Rika’s tracks? Is it for Saeran, V? Or, is it for Rika? I’m really concerned that I don’t know the answer here. I know that he tries to help save Saeran and get him out, he really does, but he always hesitates and he always reaches and fails, and I don’t know if that’s because he’s doing it to himself by self-sabotaging or because he legitimately doesn’t know how to get him out. 

V’s greatest struggle in life is how indecisive and unsure he is. He frustrates me a lot. I see where he could find himself and where he could open up and be a good person and be happy. I see it. But, he won’t let himself let go and Rika and he keeps burning as Icarus does as he reaches out for the sun. 

In this timeline, we see how deeply V can go if he lets himself commit to that state with Rika. In Ray’s Route, Jihyun saw us commit ourselves to Saeran and believe in him, and forgive him, and forgive Ray for what happened. However, it was our choice to forgive them... and you know the difference between what went down with Saeran and what goes down with Rika? Saeran was willing to say that he fucked up and that he needed to stop, that he needed to grow, and that he needed to change. 

He apologized and he said that if you gave him a chance, he would love you and protect you. You accept that, but he’s still going to be working on that for a long time in his heart because he knows what he did. His willingness and capacity to grow and admit fault make him mature and respectable. Rika is never willing to admit her wrongdoings. 

You saw that play out in Saeran’s AE from minute one and you can’t ignore that fact. When Jihyun went back to Rika. And, you know what I personally thought was going to happen? I thought he was going to take Rika, leave the country, and fucking run and never look back. I thought that he was going to take all of her sufferings and place it upon himself so nobody would ever be hurt again sans himself because he “thinks he deserves to be punished by her hand for what he did.” 

However, no. 

V did not do that. 

V decided that he would fully immerse himself in Rika. He decided that the best thing to do was to take the wrong lesson from what he saw with Saeran and the MC. He stood by Rika thinking that if he pushed or tried hard enough to let her be himself instead of forcing her to be something else, maybe she would have a breakthrough like Saeran did. However, he couldn’t do that and let her go to jail, could he? Nope. So he had to make a deal with the devil. For Rika’s freedom and happiness, he had to hurt everyone. 

He himself says in one of the floating space thoughts that he needed to research how to commit himself to that. V admits that he knows that he’s wrong to go this far with Rika, both of them admit that they know they’re wrong and that they knew it was wrong from the start. 

We can see him on Day 3 with moments where he is... showing this guilt again and showing us that side of him that we saw before he cracked and committed to his fate with Rika. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not like they’re dating or anything here, he’s merely giving Rika what she wants because he thinks it will help her and right what went wrong. It doesn’t. They’re both living in her fantasy for her sake. Rika’s selfish wish is a family where they pretend nobody was hurt and if she gets that... well, that’s one of the BEs. 

V has been enabling a lot of her darker thoughts from the start, and for a while, he realized that he had to do something and he tried to do something by trying to go and remove Saeran from that place, but in the end, he felt like there was nothing left for him to do but commit to Rika and suffer in that selfish wish. V is willing to do anything for Rika, even hurt others when it comes down to it. He hurt the RFA and he betrayed them for RIka. 

This is the worst-case scenario for the kind of person that V can become, and I don’t think it was out of character, I think it was just an aggressive reminder of how far you can fall if you let yourself give up and decide to burn all of the bridges that you have for someone that isn’t good for you. I think what I never expected was the fact that V was there when Mother Choi was killed. I never thought he was there. 

I thought he either suspected it or learned well beyond the fact. But, no, he was there, he helped her move the body. He lied and covered her tracks and that was the moment that Rika herself said that she gave up on everything and fully committed to what she and Mika were planning on doing. 

So, from when V started to enable her in the wrong ways by telling her revel in a devil, to the murder (even though it was a self-defense case, it was still traumatic to blackout and cut someone to save your own life), to Mika and the plans for the cult. It was a recipe for disaster. I never thought that V was there when it happened. That just... 

That revelation to me, his willingness to drug Saeyoung, his willingness to let the brothers suffer for Rika’s happiness... this is revealing how far V could go for the person that we all know as Rika. The situation doesn’t always call for V to go and do something to this degree, but there’s no denying that V is a complicated character with a lot of weight on his shoulders. 

He was never my favorite but... I can’t disregard what has been written and that I don’t feel like it was OOC. I just think it was showing us a reality where he could go too far. I realize that not many people are going to agree with me on this front and that’s okay. I don’t hate V. V fucked up a lot and there’s no denying that, I just wish that he never went back to Rika and he came to us for help in the first place. 

I guess this is a bit more lengthy than I intended, haha. This isn’t to be mean to anyone that thinks differently than me. I really don’t want to get into arguments or anything over this. So, please, no discourse over this. 

TLDR; This is just a reality where V went over the edge, and it’s just a possible timeline where he could lose himself to what he long tried to push back against but he ultimately gave up on himself and let himself be fully committed to Rika’s selfish wish. You can see the guilt and exhaustion in his eyes but he just lets himself become the villain because it’s the only way to protect Rika from suffering and the only way to “kind of” protect the boys. 

[chaos-monkeyy]

26, 27, 34 😊

26. Is there anything you’ve wanted to write, but you’ve been too scared to try?

This ask beat you to it, I’m afraid 🙈💙

27. What’s the nicest comment you’ve ever received?

Ack impossible question 🤣

I seriously could not pick one, I’m lucky to get so many amazing comments from so many lovely people, so instead of the ‘nicest’ one, I’ll share one of the earliest comments I got on my very first fic I ever wrote ever: 

WELL

I

CHRIST

SO HOT

and so tender, and so loving, and so in character, and oh damn you are doing an absolutely fabulous job of providing this fandom with glorious, glorious, much needed smut

This is definitely one of my all-time favourite fics <3 <3 <3

This person’s comments in general just made me feel so goddamn good about my first, nervous foray into writing fic and working on what ended up being a way longer and complex OT3 story than I’d intended when I started, and it was just... Being welcomed like that, and supported (by them and others as well) I think really really set the stage for my entire experience and feelings towards fanfic and fandom as a whole. 

34. Copy and paste an excerpt you’re particularly fond of.

From Curious Creatures: 

Thrawn was unendingly, endearingly curious. He never seemed to run out of questions about humans and why they did any number of things, from wearing clothes and sleeping in houses to burning wood, cooking meals, and boiling water. He didn’t answer all of Eli’s return questions about faeries, though he did answer some; and Eli had quickly realized— and just as quickly accepted— that he would never truly understand the way the tiny creatures saw the world, no matter how many questions Thrawn answered. He didn’t mind, though, growing increasingly, deeply fond of the little faerie as the days went by.

But then, one day, Thrawn stopped coming.

Eli hadn’t thought anything of it initially. It wasn’t unusual for a day or two to pass without a sign of the faerie. But after a week came and went without a single nighttime visit from Thrawn, with even the dish on the hearth left completely untouched, Eli started to worry. The first frost had finally come, dusting the world in twinkling sparkles of chill white one day— the same day that Thrawn had first failed to appear, he later realized with a twinge of unease— and the promise of approaching winter was a faint but sharp bite on the air.

--

Time passed, and the days grew shorter while the air quickly grew colder, the once-vibrant leaves falling from their trees to lie dull and lifeless on the ground.

Eli finished preparing for winter, preserving and bartering and storing all the supplies he would need for the coming months, and still there was no sign of Thrawn. He finally had to shutter his windows, sealing them against the cold and wind and rain, although he left one window free for as long as the weather permitted it. But by the time the winter snows began and Thrawn still hadn’t returned, Eli started to truly fear he would never see the little faerie again. He kept up his habit of leaving out nightly offerings, just in case, but he no longer expected to find them gone in the morning. And they never were.

The lonely evenings grew longer, darker, colder; and he couldn’t help wondering sadly, staring into the dancing tongues of flame in the hearth, whether Thrawn had moved on and forgotten all about him, or if something had happened to him out there in the forest, or… he realized with a sudden, sharp pang of loss that he had never thought to ask how long faeries lived.

Perhaps, like the bright blossoms of spring and summer, they lived only a brief time before succumbing to the harsh cold of winter.

Eli tried not to think about that, preferring instead the bittersweet image of his little faerie flitting silently, happily, through warm, moonlit woods in some distant place; far, far away from the bitter winds and snow that had settled into the forest.

That stupid passage has made me tear up every time I’ve read it, which made it really hard to edit 😂 But it’s like... a whole self-contained mini story within the bigger story, almost, and for some reason I just really like the tone I hit with it.

💙💙💙

(The fanfic writers ask list!)

[okamirayne]

Hi Rayne!! Just finished (yet another) re-read of BtB, and I don't think I've cried this hard in a long, long time - it was very cathartic. But, feels aside, I was wondering if you could tell us a bit more about Karibi? She's fascinating and I'm just dying to know more! (Sorry if this has been asked before!!)

Hi there, my lovely Anon!

Apologies for the delayed response. Aw, luv.  Always so, so chuffed to learn someone has revisited the series and even more touched to know it hits you in the feels <3.

But, feels aside, I was wondering if you could tell us a bit more about Karibi? She's fascinating and I'm just dying to know more! (Sorry if this has been asked before!!)

Karibi! <3 Firstly, no, this hasn’t been asked before, so imagine my excitement regarding an OC ASK -- can you picture it? TREBLE IT. XD 

Another dear Anon asked about Naoki in a previous ASK and I thank you for your expressed interest in Karibi! It’s a funny one because I have two Karibi OCs -- the edited version I inserted into BtB and the original, original version. Given that we’re talking about BtB Karibi...let me rewire my character brain a moment and firmly draw a line or two...or twelve....

Right! A Third War orphan, Karibi grew up in the orphanage outside of Konoha and proved to be quite a handful over the years given her feisty nature, constant escape-attempts, insistence on dressing and behaving like a boy (for which she earned consistent bullying and beatings), and her rough-housing free-for-all scraps with other kids -- as well as her routine habit of stealing food from the kitchens to give to a stray dog who constantly hung around the outskirts of the orphanage. It was easier for her to attach herself this dog than other kids who came and went, just like the voluntary care-givers. Her mischief-making, stealthy tactics, “never stay down” stubbornness and streetwise attitude soon caught the attention of a retired Konoha ANBU veteran (a patron of the orphanage) who interrupted a violent fight between Karibi and a group of local boys who’d stoned the dog to death. Observing how fiercely she fought (always getting up when knocked down) despite being outnumbered and beaten, the ANBU veteran recognized her potential, promptly adopted her, and trained her in ninjutsu, genjutsu and chakra control.

Their relationship was close, until it wasn’t.

Advancing quickly through the academy and ranks – winning zero friends along the way – she was soon put forward for ANBU by her adopted father, who immediately cut his ties to her, damaging an already tentative trust. Intended as a solo agent, she was immediately assigned to a 3-team ANBU unit named Team Yokai consisting of herself, Genma, and Naoki (Captain).

Enter in, bonding.

It was here, after a lot of boundary testing and testosterone busting, that she finally formed some hard-won emotional attachments after beating Genma and Naoki bloody in taijutsu combat – taunting them constantly to get up (“seven times down, eight times up”). While she was promptly one-upped by both in ninjutsu, her genjutsu prowess brought her right back onto an even keel with them both. Perfectly balanced, respect began to form between them – then friendship – which later led to a lover’s trine between the three of them. This was intense but short-lived; Karibi soon recognised that though she loved them both, she preferred women and also realised Genma and Naoki’s feelings for each other went a hell of a lot deeper than ‘close friends with benefits’. She knew they’d fallen for each other before either admitted it to themselves, let alone each other.

The three of them were inseparably close.

They were more than her friends or comrades – they were her family.

They kept each other going.

Karibi allowed Naoki to establish a permanent telepathic link with her whereas Genma only allowed it during missions and in the bedroom. Karibi kept her mind open to Naoki always, though he never intruded until years later after being listed as Killed In Action.

His death blew a hole in their world.

Their team was dismantled.

They would not accept another Captain.

To make matters worse, due to the unbroken telepathic link and the resulting ghost of Naoki’s presence in her head, Karibi never truly believed Naoki had died and her adamant ‘denial’ of this ‘fact’ created a heart-breaking rift between her and Genma.

This rift between them grew darker and wider as Genma turned to solo deep-cover missions and Karibi turned to drink when she wasn’t neck-deep in assassinations and a failed “could’ve been” relationship. And then one day the edge of all the smashed glass bottles in her life looked very, very tempting.

Genma found her, just in time – the first time at least.

Treated and cleared of suicide risk, Karibi was soon diagnosed as schizophrenic given the “voice” of her dead Captain in her head and this threatened her position in the ANBU – but her brokenness caught Danzō’s interest.

After a failed attempt to recover her relationship with her civilian lover and unable to mend the rift between herself and Genma, she signed on for a ROOT initiation mission – which sadly finished what she’d started with the bottle – though it was an impulsive and sudden decision rather than a deeply pre-meditated one. She disobeyed orders when sent into a child-trafficking operation being run out of an orphanage. This was a trigger for her. Rather than complete the ROOT mission of kidnapping a couple of kids for ROOT grooming, she murdered her ROOT partner and slaughtered the “nuns” who were supposed to be taking care of the children rather than indenturing them into the sex-trade to raise funds. When the ninja traffickers showed up, she lit the building on fire, and while the children escaped she made damned sure not one “piece of trash” running the trafficking ring got out alive.

She went down fighting in flames.

Her death was the final crippling blow to Genma. He went to Mizugumo immediately after that. Then he went to his own personal hell before Kakashi met him there in ANBU’s gutter and helped drag him out of it years later, saving him from the same fate as Karibi when he almost identically mirrored the blaze of glory tragedy with his suicide attempt in Tanzaku years later.

Random Trivia:

Karibi loved dogs and often kept an eye out for Inuzuka women looking for a bit of rough and tumble.

She dealt with a lot of possessive shit from Naoki. He was very possessive of his family/lovers and was only just about able to accept Karibi being intimate with others, even after he’d stopped sleeping with her. Genma always joked that Naoki only accepted her activities because her preference was for women, not men.

Karibi, like Naoki, felt strongly about the abuse of children, given certain illicit incidents she’d witnessed at the orphanage -- she and Genma understood Naoki’s childhood trauma and were the only ones who could handle him when he flew into a rare rage

Her favourite catchphrase was “seven times down, eight times up” (“Nana korobi, ya oki” which means “Fall down seven times, stand up eight.” It means choosing to never give up hope, and to always strive for more.)

While her ANBU step-parent/mentor abandoned her in the end, she retained the green knit scarf he gifted her (the only gift she’d ever received from him other than her training and removal from the orphanage)

She began to fall for a civilian woman -- the scariest thing for her, other than losing her teammates.

Karibi’s top value was “resilience” and never giving up – which made her suicide attempt so painful for Genma to accept

She turned to Naoki for help retrieving memories about her parents – this enabled him to perfect his own kinjutsu to reverse memory erasure

She had a plethora of ear piercings and a tattoo Naoki inked on her hip

She loved various green teas

She had a crush on Kurenai – round about the same time Genma did, which made for an interesting competition between them….and a somewhat unfair irritation towards Asuma.

She was a bit of magpie in the ANBU and stole items on missions, donating them privately to the orphanage

She loved berry-picking and was very well-versed with poisons

Genma gave her chickenpox and she gave him hell for it

She almost managed to shove a spinning top up Genma’s ass – almost.

Genma accidentally broke her baby finger playing “thumb wars” and it never set properly on the joint, causing her to have a crooked little finger

Most of her illusion/genjutsu techniques focus around folklore creatures and light, which came in handy on missions dealing with highly suspicious village folk

Her dream goal was to one day be Goei Shotai to a female Hokage – a dream Genma later lived out for her when Tsunade came into power

Naoki was with her telepahtically when she died, as Genma was with Naoki when he died -- in that way, Karibi was not as alone in death as Genma always feared.

Wow, that was LONG.  Sorry, Anon! I absolutely love character-writing and development....I get carried away even if most of their story never makes it into the actual written piece. Thank you for asking about Karibi, I hope this insight gives you some answers! <3

[angelanimedesaray]

Investment Part 3:  Olive Branches and Arrows

AN:  *Claps to underscore each word* This. Is. Not. A. Happy. Story. This. Is. A. Dark. And. Often. Heart. Wrenching. Story. You. Are. Here. To. Cry. Soooo...ya’ll still on board this angst train?  Good, good, cause I’ve got more for you XD XD (though despite the length I feel like this is still more of a connecting chapter basically laying a bit of groundwork down)  I’m enjoying writing my heavier, grittier story maybe a little too much, geez, I really am an evil author XD

Characters:  Levi, Reader, Erwin, Hange, Jean (Briefly), Armin (Briefly), Moblit (mentioned/briefly), Mikasa (Mentioned), Sasha (Mentioned), Christa/Historia (Mentioned), Many Unnammed OCs, a random OC named Sandy

Pairing:  Levi????x????Reader???? it feels weird tagging that right now...WHo’s tO sAY?!?

Warnings:  Heavy Angst, Language, Violence, Dangerous(Life or Death?) Situations, Injury, Trauma

Word Count:  19136  (Sweet merciful--what?!?! And I thought the first part was long)

<---Previous Part    Next Part---->

(Gif found on Gfycat, source: YouTube, digitalmeals)

*Reader’s POV*

It was quiet in the small room you had made your own, the rest of the house’s occupants fast asleep since dawn hadn’t even finished breaking above the walls yet.  A small oil lamp on the nightstand provided the light the sun wasn’t able to give yet as you stood in front of the mirror, fingers prodding gently at the spot on your collar you were sure was on its way to leaving a scar.  Most of the teeth imprints might eventually fade, but those four points where the pressure had been hardest, the teeth deepest…

Your finger brushed gently along those spots specifically, your mind instantly bringing back the feeling of teeth sunk deep in your flesh, the hand around your throat, your own repetitive but desperate pleas for Levi to stop ringing in your ears.

Pulling your hand swiftly away from your neck, you tried to shake the memory out of your head, or at least push it back to the darker corners of your mind.  Hands still trembling, you reached for the small tin of powdery makeup you’d bought to try and cover up the bite mark.  This shit was expensive, and not something that a soldier getting paid as little as you were should have been spending money on.  But if the bite was able to be seen even in passing under your collared shirts or the occasional casual shawl, you weren’t entirely sure it was one you could explain away--it was too deep to brush off as something kinky from a rough one-night stand.  Not to mention anyone that knew you would know claiming you’d even had a one night stand would be hard to believe on its own.  There had always been an excuse when it came to your romantic life: you were too busy, you didn’t feel like you had room in your life for someone else right now, there was no one you were interested in, the people you were interested in didn’t reciprocate the feelings.

Now the one person you’d started to care for had…

There was no point to dwell on that if you didn’t have to.  Getting too wrapped up in thoughts about what happened had gotten you into this precarious situation, and you needed to try and move past it.  That was the point of this entire indefinite leave of absence--to try and get your head on straight, or at least get it clear enough you could function properly again.

When Erwin had requested your presence in his office, you’d already known what it was about.  You weren’t sleeping, jumping at shadows, mind constantly being pulled under into shadowy memories and making it almost impossible to focus on the present, easily distracted, performance plummeting in training for a messy myriad of reasons, even your appearance worsened noticeably.  You couldn’t do your job on relaxed, out of the field days--if you were to go on a mission of any kind, especially an expedition, the way you were now, you would definitely be killed by something that could have been avoidable, and possibly take one or more fellow scouts with you.  Your inability to stop your situation from getting worse had forced Erwin to act, and doubtlessly he was about to ask about your state of mind formally and dismiss you if he felt it necessary.

Before he could even ask, before he could even speak, you’d asked for a leave of absence.  You didn’t know for how long, you couldn’t give him an estimate when he asked--you simply acknowledged you were working through something, and the look in his eyes told you that he knew exactly what that something was.

When only four people knew what was happening with Humanity’s Strongest, developments of any kind were bound to be known by everyone almost as soon as they happened.

Instead of being given an immediate dismissal, Erwin agreed to the leave, however long you needed within the usual limitation of no more than a year for leaves.  And when you were ready, you would inform him if you were stepping away from the Scouts permanently, or if you were going to try and show him you still possessed the psychological and emotional ability to stay.

Since you didn’t have anyone to turn to outside of the Scouts, Erwin had set up a place for you to stay: a rented out room in a small house amongst a family of three.  It was in the quiet part of town, and besides the young boy of the family constantly trying to get you to answer questions about the Scouts, you were left alone.  Perhaps they could tell you needed to work through some things--you’d tried very hard not to let your nightly routine of terror disturb the rest of the family--or perhaps Erwin had informed them when making the arrangements that you would need space and quiet.  Either way, it gave you plenty of time to simply work through what happened and try to figure out how you were supposed to move forward with your current situation.

The makeup now applied as well as you could, you got dressed in something more comfortable, wrapping a shawl around your shoulders high enough that it bunched around and covered your neck.  Sitting on the edge of the bed, you stared into your reflection in the mirror, letting your eyes unfocus as your mind drifted.

And you’d done a lot already.  It had taken a few days away from the Scouts and away from Levi for the fear to settle down enough you could start to think clearly again.  Now, you’d had time to think about what happened, to try and approach it logically instead of steeped in fear, to try and look at it from Levi’s perspective, from an outsider’s perspective, however you could to understand as much as possible.

The entire thing had been one of the stupidest things you could have done.  The idea alone had been a foolish death wish considering you had walked right into the most dangerous place within the walls looking for a hungry predator that lusted for the very kind of blood that ran through your veins.  Acting on it had almost gotten you killed, and then pushing Levi the way you had, both of you letting things boil to the point it reached…

You thought you might be able to understand why Levi had decided to do what he did.  From the very beginning, he’d been trying to protect you from himself.  It had always been about protecting you.  When he’d tried to scare you the first time--which he had, initially.  How could you not be scared when he’d suddenly rushed you with fangs bared and eyes aglow--he had given himself away because he didn’t immediately lunge for your neck like he had the night he’d almost drained you.  Plus, his eyes had been searching, probing, watching you for your reaction no matter how intent on your blood he’d been pretending to be.  Then there was simply the fact he’d just saved your life.  After it was initially clear he wasn’t in some kind of haze like the first time, it didn’t make sense for him to attack you.  Finally, as terrifying as the suddenness of the intimidating act had been, he’d been gentle, careful, not anything close to the rough, feral way he’d lost control and attacked you the first night

He’d wanted to scare you away, he’d grown as desperate to drive you away as you had turned desperate to get him to talk to you and let you help.  He’d pushed harder and harder the angrier he got, threatening and insulting, anything to try and push you away, and you’d simply pushed back.  In his mind, at least in that moment, it was the only thing he could still do to protect you.  In his mind, he must have decided that with how hard you were pushing back, he had to hurt you, to truly scare you, if he was going to make you leave him alone, so you’d finally be safe.

But that didn’t make it okay.  It didn’t excuse what he’d done to you, how far he’d gone.  As much as the knowledge of why could have been used to make things better, it also made it so much worse.  Because every bit of it had been intentional.  He’d done this to you intentionally.  Maybe he hadn’t intended for what he’d done to leave the scars it did.  Maybe he hadn’t intended for the pain and fear to run so deep you couldn’t stand the dark anymore, whether your eyes were open or shut.  Maybe he hadn’t intended for the trauma to cause you to spiral so rapidly on a path of pure self-destruction with heavy sabotage from your own mind.  But he had intended to scare and hurt you, to make you truly fear him.  The last thing that was, was okay.

Realizing your hands were shaking again, and a lot more noticeably, you clasped them together with fingers interlaced, pressing your lips against your thumbs and trying to take deep, calming breaths as the familiar pain welled in your chest.

You still couldn’t believe that Levi had intentionally hurt you like that to make you leave.  That he’d been able to bite and hold you harder and harder, to listen to you cry and beg to let you go, and then simply leave you.  After saving you from the gang that had almost killed you, he’d drank your blood and left you wounded, terrified, and alone in a strange part of the Underground, having to regain enough senses on your own to find your way back to the surface and Headquarters.  You’d accepted that it was possible for him to lose control and hurt you by accident because of this strange bloodlust he now had, that was just reality.  But what he’d done, knowingly, on purpose…

It cut deeper than you’d even known it could.  You hadn’t thought he was capable of that, no matter how desperate he’d been.

But as terrifying as all of this had been, as cutting and traumatizing and world shattering as it was, you had to get past it.  It was eating you alive, destroying what little of your life you still had to call your own.  The Scouts were all you really had, and it threatened to take even that from you.  If it took the Scouts, all that would be left to destroy and devour would be what little remained of you.  If laying down and accepting you were going to wither away into nothing wasn’t an option, then you had to find a way to get up and move on, to try and recover.

Your first step had been your leave of absence, so that you could process away from everything, try to come to terms with what happened, get your head on straight, and stitch yourself back together at least enough so you could return to active duty.

Returning was going to be one of the hardest parts.  Going back to being around Levi, of every corner you turned possibly having him on the other side, of inevitable meetings and training sessions and just basic day to day things causing the two of you to have to be in the same room...

But the hardest part wasn’t going to be visible.  The hardest part was going to be internal.

Could you forgive him?

Right now?  No.  You didn’t even see the glimmer of the possibility on the horizon.

But...because you could see why he’d done what he did, because you might have some kind of understanding about why it had happened, and because he’d been someone you’d cared about...you were willing to try and forgive him.  Maybe you would never be able to fully forgive him, but you wanted to at least try.  At the very least, you felt like you owed yourself that--owed yourself because you didn’t want to have to carry any more weight of the burden crushing your chest than you needed to, and forgiving him might help lighten it.  Owed yourself because you’d cared for him, one of the only things left in your life you’d given a damn about after everything you’d lost, and you were admittedly scared to lose anything else.

You wanted to at least attempt to forgive him, but before you opened that door, you needed something from him in return.  If he showed some kind of remorse for what he’d done to you, if he was willing to try and make it right, you could open yourself up to trying to forgive him.  If he was suffering even a fraction of what you were suffering because of his choice…

Your heart seemed to squeeze in your chest, lungs burning as you wiped away tears with the end of your shawl.  Perhaps that was part of what made this so much harder.  The few times you’d glimpsed him or had stopped to think about Levi--not what he’d become or what he’d done, just Levi--so many heavy emotions welled up inside you, bone deep and suffocating in their presence.  The pain and fear was guaranteed after what happened, but there was also grief for what happened between the two of you, for how real the possibility was that things between you were shattered and ground to dust beyond repair.  Every time you saw him, every time you even thought of him, those feelings rushed to the surface.

Yet despite everything, despite the strength of the pain, the fear, and the grief...you didn’t hate him.  You didn’t wish any kind of ill intent on him, didn’t want anything terrible to happen to him like being physically harmed, didn’t want him to be discovered, didn’t want to hear about him starving himself or anything like that.  Despite everything, hatred didn’t stir inside you like the rest of those feelings...never hatred.

Now, if you were going to attempt to forgive him, you needed to find a way to let him know that you were open to it.  You needed to find a way to extend the peace offering where he could see it.  With how far Levi was apparently willing to go to cut you out of his life to protect you, he clearly wasn’t the one who was going to reach out first.  You were the one who was going to have to set the groundwork for a reconciliation if the two of you found yourselves mutually desiring one.  Besides, maybe it was better that you would be the one to make the first move.  You were the one who’d been hurt so deeply, wronged so thoroughly.  Something felt...right, or at least a little comforting, about you being the one to decide if forgiveness was an option.  If he were to come to you about forgiveness, especially right now, you wouldn’t be able to accept it, wouldn’t be able to find it in yourself to make that first step.  But if you had the power to make it an option, if you chose whether it was even a choice, and if you got to choose when forgiveness was an option and when the first move was made...that felt secure.  That felt right.

So, when you were ready...you were going to go back to the Scouts, you were going to retake your life...and you were going to decide what you were going to do about Levi.

When you were ready.  For now...you just needed a little more time to feel steady ground beneath you again and heal.

*Levi’s POV*

He shouldn’t have said a damn word to her.

He hadn’t even entered the hall to Hange’s office yet when he smelled the freshly spilled blood, the familiar scent impossible to miss when it cut through the air and pulled at the constantly lurking bloodlust inside him.  Immediately his mind started trying to figure out what had happened, if he should even walk into her office if he could smell blood.  Had she dropped a beaker and cut herself?  Was someone injured and she was stitching them up?  Or was it intentional?

The last one was, unfortunately, the most likely.  He should have kept his mouth shut the other day.  He should have known if he’d mentioned it even in passing while giving Hange the usual report of whether or not his bloodlust was getting harder or easier to manage, and if there had been any changes in his feeding habits, she was going to try and experiment with it--it had been new information that made her eyes light up, as small as the bit of information had been.  In all this time, up until that very moment, Levi had neglected to mention any kind of distinct differences in the blood he drank.  But at the time, he’d still been dealing with the nasty, chemically aftertaste that came from drinking from someone who’d had unholy amounts of drugs rushing through their system, and when she’d asked why he ‘kept making that face,’ the comment had slipped out.

It seemed she’d decided a slightly riskier experiment was in order, if the scent was anything to go by.  It was only getting stronger the closer he came to the door…

And he could hear two heartbeats inside, not just one.

Reluctantly, Levi knocked on the door, trying not to breathe in through his nose, half-hoping Hange was going to tell him she needed time to clean up a mess instead of call him inside.

“Aha!  There he is, right on time,” Hange said in a rather chipper tone that let him know he could come inside, her normal speaking voice one Levi could hear clearly through the door.

Posture rigid and still avoiding breathing through his nose, Levi let himself in, gaze quickly flickering to take note that the other person in the room...was actually Erwin.

What was Hange planning that required Erwin to…

And then he noticed the fresh bandages on their arms, covering similar spots near their wrists.

Ah...that was what was happening.  His suspicions were correct, then.

Maybe he should just give a resounding ‘no’ and leave before Hange had the chance to pitch her experiment to him.

“What the hell, Hange?”  Levi did nothing to hold back his scowl, letting the woman know how displeased he was with the situation he was walking into.  Even trying to avoid smelling it, he knew it was in here, and knowing there was fresh blood so close to him was enough to make the lust for it start to boil inside him.

“I knew if I gave you a warning, I’d never get you in here,” she said dismissively, reaching over to pull two small cups into view on the table as she started to speak.  Levi’s gaze snapped right to them, the dark liquid inside unmistakable and causing the familiar ache in his teeth to return as he struggled to retain his composure.  “You mentioned a specific taste the other day, and it gave me too many theories to test all at once, but there is one important factor I can test right now that could help us start to figure out the rest!  Is there actually a different taste for different people, or is it all in your head?”

He could feel both of them watching him closely for his reaction, looking for every twitch and shift he made.  He’d been lucky he hadn’t been around any serious training injuries that involved a lot of blood, yet, so he didn’t have much experience with resisting fresh blood he could visibly see.  It was even harder than trying to tune out the temptation when he started to get hungry and was surrounded by people who could be another victim if he wasn’t careful.  He was finding it difficult to look away from the two cups Hange held in her hands so he could give her a proper glare.

“Levi?”

Levi closed his eyes at Hange’s voice so that he could turn his head away from the sight, jaw tight despite the ache in his teeth he now knew was his fangs wanting to break through.  “You should have given me a warning,” he said gruffly, hand reaching out to the nearest surface to give him something to grab to try and relieve some of the tension building inside him, as well as to steady himself.

He might have been able to ignore it if she hadn’t pulled the cups into his direct line of sight, just a few short paces away.  His mouth was starting to water at the thought of fresh, healthy blood that wasn’t drained from the dregs of the Underground--clean, undiseased, untampered blood, and without a trace of drugs or alcohol in them, too.

After a few moments of shuffling, he heard the cups set down on a surface on the other side of the room, giving him a little more distance and putting them out of his immediate sight once he opened his eyes.

“There, out of sight out of mind?” Hange asked, a bit of a sheepish smile on her face.  Levi only hummed--out of sight made it better, yes, but it was nowhere near out of mind.  “This is something we’re going to have to work on before our next expedition…” she added in a mumble.

“I’m assuming you have questions, first?” Levi interrupted, suddenly overcome with the urge to get this all over with as soon as possible.  He hadn’t expected Hange to be poking at some of his limitations today, and for all their sakes, he’d rather keep this brief.

“Right--before we move forward, I need you to describe the taste of the blood you’ve been drinking up until today, and any differences you’ve noticed between them,” Hange said with barely contained excited curiosity.  “You mentioned you recently were left with a chemical aftertaste?  You can start there.”

“I was tasting the drugs in his system more than anything else,” Levi muttered, nose still crinkling in distaste at the reminder.  He hadn’t fed since then, and needless to say, that particular hunt hadn’t been very satisfying.  Focusing on Hange’s question, Levi racked his brains to try and come up with descriptions of the blood he drank, something comparable that they could understand.  “There’s nothing special about what I drink down there.  It’s...thick, but flat, or like a watery tea.  I run into drunks, most.  Then, it’s...muddied.  When I go to the Underground, there’s always something off about it.  Tainted.”

None of them lived up to the high of his first time.  Maybe it was just because he was feeding off the scum of the earth, and they usually did have drugs or liquor in them.  It was still pleasurable, satisfying if he could find one that didn’t have something running through their system.  Recently, when he fed, he simply satisfied the base hunger.  None of it had managed to abate the desire though, not since…

“What about Y/N?”

Levi stiffened.  The silence in the room suddenly seemed passively hostile, even though he knew that part was in his head.

He’d been trying so hard not to think about her since she’d left, and here Hange was, forcing him into a situation where he had to think about her.  Even worse, he had to think specifically about the two times he’d hurt her the most in order to answer Hange’s question.

Trying to put Y/N out of his mind had gotten somehow...harder, after she left.  Probably because he knew that the sudden yawning absence was entirely his fault.  Before she left, he’d heard her every night, heard every time she’d woken from nightmares because of what he’d done to her, and he had been unable to do anything besides listen in silence to what he’d caused.  Then, one night...his mental lashing didn’t come.  Her cries didn’t cut through Headquarters to slice through his heart.  And when he went to her quarters to see if maybe she’d finally had a peaceful night of rest, he hadn’t been able to hear her breathing or her heartbeat.  There wasn’t a scent of blood or death, either, to support his mind jumping to the worst case scenario.  She was simply...gone.

Surprisingly, it hadn’t been Hange who told him Y/N had taken an indefinite leave of absence.  It had been Erwin who told Levi the very next day how much farther the repercussions of his actions had gone.  Erwin was the one to tell Levi she’d taken the leave to try and cope, and decide whether she would stay in the Scouts moving forward.  Erwin had been ready to dismiss her, noting her state had deteriorated to one that could cost herself and others their lives if she was to go out in the field, but she’d shown a sign of proactiveness, shown she was willing to at least try to get better.  This leave was her last chance to stay in the Scouts, and it was entirely likely she might not even come back from it if she couldn’t recover herself away from everything.

No...if he was being honest with himself, she’d left to get away from him.  She’d walked away from what she’d once told Levi herself was all she had left, she hadn’t been able to tell Erwin if she would even return.  Wherever she was, she was alone, she didn’t have anything, and it was because of him.  He’d never meant to take everything from her, but he had, in the end, hadn’t he?  If she couldn’t come back, if the demons he’d created were too strong for her to overcome, that’s how far he’d pushed her.

It had all spiraled so far out of his control...grown far beyond what he’d ever intended.  He hadn’t even done anything else to her beyond the one incident, but apparently it had been enough.  From the sounds of it, her mind had taken the one trauma, and pulled her deeper and deeper into a hole she couldn’t get out of.

“Levi, I need to know.  If there’s a difference in the blood you drink, it might answer some important questions about your diet and bloodlust.”

Levi pulled himself out of his pitiful thoughts and back to the present, reminding himself he wasn’t supposed to be thinking about all the damage he’d done to Y/N.  Right now, he needed to be thinking about what her blood had tasted like, even if he’d rather block out the memories.

Trying to muscle past the pain, Levi focused instead on the taste of her blood, what had made it so hard for him to stop both times--even if the first time was more because he’d been starving and near death.  The taste that his prey in the Underground could never live up to, a taste he now knew wasn’t in his head and distorted from desperate need.  Even when he’d freshly gorged himself on four different people from the Underground, it had been just as strong the second time, just as heady, intoxicating, pleasurable…

“Intoxicating,” he finally said out loud, trying to ignore the ache in his teeth as the focus of his thoughts brought his desire back to the front of his mind.  “Rich.  Like a favorite tea spiked with warm liquor.”

It felt weird describing different blood to Hange and Erwin like they were unique brands of tea or alcohol, but it was the only comparisons he was able to come up with that might be able to describe to them the effect the different blood had on him as well.

Hange was already nodding, the gears clearly turning in her mind.  “This is already looking good for some of my theories.  It could still be mental, though, so just to be sure…”

This time, when Hange brought out one of the cups, Levi was prepared, keeping his gaze fixed on Hange with great effort and purposely taking steady breaths to keep his composure.

“To test the theory just a little bit more, I want to know if any other blood tastes different to you.  Hence the cups,” Hange said, offering the first one to him.

Levi took the cup without hesitation, his grip strong and giving away how badly he wanted the blood, if his earlier reaction hadn’t been enough of a hint.  He only paused for a moment, a thought flashing through his mind as he felt both Hange and Erwin’s stares burning into him, and could hear them holding their breath.

Neither of them had seen how he...changed...yet.  They’d only seen the after-effects, the little things.  They’d never seen his fangs, the glow in his eyes, and just how completely the desire for blood could take over.  They were about to see it--a mild form of it, one that didn’t include biting into someone and ripping their throat out, but still.

The thought wasn’t enough to stop him, no matter how self-conscious it might make him feel.  Right now he had a cup of fresh, clean blood given to him willingly for the first time since he’d turned into...whatever he was, and he wasn’t about to let it go to waste.  The clawing need he’d been trying to push down wouldn’t let him.

The relief that seemed to wash over him when he finally tipped the cup back and felt the warm blood rush past his lips was unexpected.  It wasn’t as hot as when it was fresh from the vein, but it also had been sitting for a few minutes in the cup, so that was to be expected.  It was still...delicious.  Satisfying.  Enough that he had to push back a soft moan that tried to rise in his chest.  His fangs started to peek through, as if his body expected him to be sinking his teeth into flesh when it tasted blood.  He hadn’t realized how much he’d missed this kind of taste, considering the high of the blood he’d drank the first night had been all tangled up in his shame and panic, and the second time, he’d been inflicting emotional agony, both onto Y/N and himself--no part of him had enjoyed it that night.

But now he knew...and a small part of him dreaded what that would mean going forward.

The drink was over far too soon for his liking.  He kept his eyes closed, a soft, slightly shaking breath escaping him as the taste started to fade--and this time, it didn’t leave behind the aftertaste he’d been dealing with ever since he’d started feeding in the Underground.  He waited until he had his composure again, until the fangs retracted again and he felt his voice would be its usual, steady tone before he turned to look at Erwin and Hange again.

Hange’s eyes were wide, the red glow in Levi’s eyes flashing in the reflection of her glasses.  She was scrutinizing every inch of him, looking desperately for any other visible changes besides his eyes.  Her gaze kept wandering towards his lips, the look in her eyes telling him she was hoping to get a glimpse of his fangs.  Erwin...was as stoic as ever, but there was a glint in his eyes.  Levi was sure the other man was simply biding his time, waiting to figure out the extent of what had happened to Levi so they could use it to the Scout’s advantage...and seeing the physical proof of the change in Levi made it that much more real for him.

“So?  Did it taste any different?” Hange pressed, taking the cup from Levi and noting with less surprise than anyone else would have when she found it empty.

“Sweet.” Levi said simply, tongue swiping at a stray smear by the corner of his lips.  “With a bit of a...tang, to it.”

“Aw, Levi thinks I’m sweet,” Hange said with a smirk, prompting Levi to roll his eyes as she turned to grab the other cup.  “Aren’t you curious to know what yours is like?  Think you can top rich or sweet, Erwin?”

She was being way too lighthearted about all of this.  A part of Levi was unsettled knowing what they tasted like--when his hunger got particularly bad, would he find it harder to resist drinking from them?

He’d be protesting if he wasn’t enjoying having even a small taste of willingly given blood that truly satisfied him.  It would be short lived, so he was going to revel in it while he could.  In fact, this time, there was no hesitation as his fingers curled around the cup that Hange gave him, already pressing it against his lips and tilting the cup back before he could finish registering he was about to taste Erwin’s blood.

He shouldn’t have been so quick to get it down.

The taste, while good, hit him with a raw, potent strength that made him quickly pull back, trying to swallow before the cough burst through, the blood burning in a way that threatened to tip past pleasurable as it slipped down his throat.  It was overpowering, hard to get down, at least in large doses.  No drinking in large, bloodlust hazy gulps, then--it was more something to be sipped gradually, nursed like a strong liquor.

“Levi?” Hange asked in concern as Levi started to cough, holding up a finger to tell her to give him a second as he waited for the burn to abate enough he was comfortable with speaking again.

“Just...Really strong,” he said haltingly, voice holding a hoarse edge.  “Like a gin that kicks back.”

It was almost like a part of him was making it difficult because it didn’t like him drinking Erwin’s blood.  He couldn’t even focus much on the taste because the kickback overpowered it.  Though he definitely had a bit of a buzz humming through him once the burn passed.

“Has that ever happened before?” Hange asked curiously.  Levi simply shook his head.  He still had the cup firmly in hand, planning on trying to drink it with small sips a little at a time instead of the long pulls he was used to drinking with.

Hange looked back at Erwin.  “On the bright side, I don’t think you’ll ever have to worry too much about him ever biting you after that reaction.”

“You think so little of me?” Levi asked, his tone holding a bit of a biting edge as he spoke.

“Normally, no.  But recently...you’ve given us reason to worry.”

Levi’s attention landed firmly on the two people standing in front of him, gaze sliding from Hange’s suddenly serious demeanor and Erwin, who was now radiating a grim, firm aura.  The man was acting more like a silent observer right now, and it was starting to put Levi on edge.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

Hange adjusted her glasses, taking a seat and scooting a little closer to where Levi stood with the cup of Erwin’s blood still in hand.  “I’m guessing that just now, you feel better than you have in weeks?  More comfortable, more...satiated?”

He still didn’t like where any of this seemed to be going, eyes narrowed.  “Get to the point.”

Hange placed a hand carefully on the table in front of her, near the journal she kept her discovered facts about Levi recorded.  “I’m supposed to be figuring out what’s happened to you, Levi.  Of course I’m going to notice when you start feeding more often--you’ve been going to the Underground more and more, which means your bloodlust isn’t being satisfied, not really.  Maybe the initial hunger, but not the desire, the important part--the dangerous part.  And instead of telling me how those urges are getting easier to control, it sounds like they’re getting harder.”

Levi’s gaze flickered to Erwin.  That was why he was here.  This was about Levi’s bloodlust getting worse, and if it was getting worse...that meant that the other Scouts were going to be in more and more danger the more Levi’s control spiraled.  Levi had been having...difficulties, lately, but he hadn’t felt like he was putting anyone in danger, not yet.  Though Hange was right he’d been going to the Underground more often, recently, his hunger returning faster than it had been the first few weeks.  And no, after he fed in the Underground, he wasn’t satisfied, not like he’d been that first time, not like he’d just been with that teasing taste of Hange’s blood.

Hange laced her fingers together thoughtfully in front of her face after Levi had a few moments to contemplate what she said.  “I haven’t been able to think of much that could help up until now.  We’ve tried a few things, but they only go so far.  But with this...I think your diet is a crucial factor towards keeping your bloodlust under control.  And right now, you’re not meeting those requirements.”  When Levi fixed her with a questioning look, Hange continued before he could interrupt her.  “I have never seen you as satisfied after feeding as you were just now.  Not even if you came straight to me after one of your soirees into the Underground.  And you only got a small cup--that wasn’t nearly as much as you’ve told me you usually drink.”

“I’m already drinking from people in the Underground--”

“But you’ve already explained how it’s not enough--you just described how its watered down, it leaves an aftertaste, it doesn’t even taste as good.  It sounds like you’re choosing to eat stale bread when there’s a perfectly prepared roast in front of you--”

Anger sparked inside him at the comparison.  “What am I supposed to do, Hange?  Grab someone off the streets?  Open a vein, drain them dry, and if somehow I don’t kill them when I lose control, hope they don’t run screaming what I am to everyone in the walls?”

“What you’re doing now doesn’t change the fact that I believe you need to make a dietary change if you’re going to adjust,” Hange’s return was just as blunt as Levi’s, her tone unusually firm.  “I think Y/N had the right idea, as much as you might not have liked it.  And before you bite my head off--I mean the part where you need to find people you can trust that are willing and able to let you feed off them regularly.”

Levi’s teeth clenched.  Part of him wanted to look away, but instead, he held Hange’s gaze with his own eyes harder and sharp as flint.  “When I feed, it...nearly...always ends with someone dead.”

“Then we’ll have to come up with a way for you to learn to control yourself when you’re feeding.  Because if your appetite keeps getting worse at the rate it has, if we can’t find another way to fix this, then soon you’re not going to have a choice.”

Now he looked away, gaze staring down into the dark liquid that swirled lazily in the cup in his hand.  He didn’t have anyone he trusted with this, no one that didn’t already know.  He wasn’t about to feed off of Erwin--and apparently Erwin’s blood wasn’t going to comply with that, either.  Hange was already spread thin, her experiments and research alone keeping her darting here and there and back and pulling late nights hunched over her desk trying to unravel the mysteries of not only Eren and the titans in general, but now Levi, as well.  He worried that drinking from her would be the last bit of strain that proved too much.

And Y/N was out of the question.

What else could he do, if he didn’t want to start grabbing innocent people off of the streets above ground?

He could drastically cut down his options when he went to the Underground to feed.  It was a start.  Maybe it would be enough.

“I’ll be more selective,” he said quietly, pausing to take a small sip from the cup.  It still burned on the way down, but not as strongly, and far more tolerable--pleasant, even.  The only thing that kept him from trying to immediately down more was how badly that had gone the first time.  “Figure out who has drugs or alcohol in them.  It should clean up my diet some.”

Right now, he didn’t have any other answers for how to fix this.  Not yet, anyway...but he would have to put some thought into it, if only so he didn’t end up losing control and hurting someone.

Again.

*Reader’s POV*

The stone walls of the Scout’s headquarters felt almost comforting in the familiar sense.  There was still something about them that put you on edge still, even after your break.  Maybe it was the knowledge that Levi was somewhere around here.  While you were on leave, you’d known he wasn’t anywhere near you.  Now, he could be just around the corner.

Especially since you were on your way to Hange’s office.

You had just returned, only returned long enough to give Erwin your decision to return before you’d made a beeline for Hange.  Even then, the meeting with Erwin had been overall brief, with Erwin mostly making sure you understood that you were going to be watched for some time, just to make sure you really were fit to return to the field.  Part of you, once you were out of that office, simply wanted to make a beeline to your quarters and settle back in, to try to make the room as warm and inviting as possible to try and sooth what remained of your fears.  But you knew you had to make a beeline for Hange’s and ask her now before you had enough time to come up with excuses, something you knew you would continue to do before giving up entirely.

You had to ask her now.

Outside her door, you still hesitated, hand hovering over the door, mind screaming that it was entirely possible Levi was on the other side of the door.

You might have been ready to return to the Scouts, but you weren’t quite ready to see Levi again.  You needed time to settle back in, and time to prepare yourself now that you were here and the fact that you were going to inevitably run into him again was that much more real.

But you needed this conversation before you saw Levi again, too.  So you would simply have to take the chance.

You finally knocked, making sure the sound was loud just in case Hange was sucked into something and her hearing was a little selective.

“C’min!” came Hange’s muffled voice, and you let yourself in, finding the door partially blocked by her shifted desk, but still able to open wide enough to let you inside.

You had no idea what the other woman was doing, but she had all sorts of notes scribbled and pinned in random places around the room in what you guessed was some kind of specific order, and Hange was stretching as far as she could to reach a pin so she could add the sheet she was barely keeping on the wall with her fingers, the pin she needed just out of reach.  Hange groaned in frustration, and without bothering to ask the what, you simply reached out and grabbed the pin for her, allowing Hange to stop trying to stretch beyond her abilities.

“Oh, thank--Y/N!”  Hange snapped the collection of notes and rough sketches on the sheet in place, then pulled you into a sudden and strong hug.  “You came back!  We weren’t sure you would!  How long have you been back?  Is it permanent?  You are back, right?  Moving in, not finishing moving out?”

“I’m here to stay, yes,” you said softly as she pulled back to bombard you with questions.  “I just finished talking to Commander Erwin, so I only just officially returned.”

“This isn’t the first place you came, is it?” Hange asked in surprise, which only grew when you nodded to confirm her thought.  “Why?  Don’t you need to get moved in?  And lunch should be coming up, soon--”

“Hange, it’s almost dinner.  It looks like Moblit brought you lunch, too, from the looks of that plate,” you said, gesturing to the half-eaten sandwich on her desk.

“Semantics--I wouldn’t think I’d be your first stop after returning!  I’d be more honored if I wasn’t so confused--why come here first?” Hange continued quickly, studying you with almost disconcertingly perceptive eyes.

You averted your gaze, choosing to look at the notes she had pinned all over the wall to try and figure out who she was studying--Eren or Levi--and what exactly had her so worked up when you walked in.  The rough sketch on the wall seemed to be of...Levi’s fangs.  Specifically several different iterations of what they looked like and what happened when they came out.  Was she working on his physiology, then?

“These aren’t right,” you said abruptly, carefully taking down the paper but leaving the pin in place so that it could be returned to its spot when you were done.  You brought the paper to her desk, flipping it over so you could sketch what you had in mind on the back.

It might sound like you were changing the subject, but you weren’t.  In reality, this was actually an easier transition into what you needed to talk about than anything you could have come up with.

As you spoke, you thought about the couple times you’d seen Levi’s fangs bared, trying to muscle past the fear you had felt in those moments, steadying your hand by grabbing it with your other hand when it started to shake, and putting the rest of your attention on trying to sketch out what you were talking about for Hange.

“There’s four fangs, not two.  They’re hard to see, but there’s two on the bottom--not as noticeable, but it makes...biting, and I suppose tearing, much easier.  And they might be thicker at the base, but they’re fine and sharp when they’re all the way out.  I doubt he could chip them or anything, though.  They’re probably as strong as he is.”  You waited until you had your rough sketch of four bared fangs for Hange to see, turning it towards her and pointing as you continued your explanation.  “I only saw it once, but I think...it’s a little hard to describe, but the original teeth don’t go away, it’s almost like the fangs grow rapidly out around them, and when they retract, they pull back into the gums.”

You left that sketch to Hange.

Hange was looking at you more than your sketch, despite the information you were giving her.  If you’d thought her gaze was intense and probing before, it was burning, now.  “I thought this was...too sensitive of a topic,” Hange said carefully.

In other words, Hange and Erwin knew how badly Levi had shaken you, and they were afraid to break you if they brought it up.  They weren’t entirely wrong.  It was painful to think about--your hand was still shaking, and both of you could see it.  Your heart was beating a little faster, breathing a little heavier, and not anywhere near in a good way.  It was incoming panic, but you were fighting to hold it back, fighting to steady your breathing and keep your composure.  This was something you had to do.

“I want to learn more about what’s happening, and help however I can,” you said carefully, drawing yourself up to your full height to make yourself look more confident about the decision.  Your shaky composure wasn’t helping, but this was something that you were intent on doing, despite how you might look right now.  “I’m hoping if I can...understand...and if I can find ways to help from a distance...it’ll help me, too.”

If you could understand what was happening to Levi more, if you were around it and knew as much as they did about what he was going through, you were hoping that the knowledge--and gradual exposure from a distance--would help you cope.  If you could understand it all, maybe you wouldn’t be so afraid.  The nightmares might still be a problem, but maybe you could soothe the daytime paranoia in the process.  And maybe, if you started working to help Levi from a distance...it would help lessen the fear of him.  Maybe you could nurture that desire to help back until it was strong enough to overcome the fear.  It was still there, you wanted to help him, even now, but at the moment, the fear was still too strong.  You were still afraid of even running into him in the hall--you were shaking just trying to describe his fangs to Hange.  So you would settle for starting from a distance.  Baby steps, little things, until you’d recovered enough of the pieces you were still picking up from the floor to feel confident enough to try the harder parts.

And if you could find ways to help him from a distance, maybe that could be the first olive branch between you two, the first peace offering he could see that told him you were open to a reconciliation in the future.

Hange’s gaze flickered to the hand you were still holding to keep it from shaking.  “Are you sure?”

You nodded.  “I’m sure.  I have to do this.”

“You don’t owe him--”

“I have to do this for me, Hange.”

At the very least...you had to do this for you.  If you managed to help Levi, too, then good.  But right now, you were learning so you could help yourself heal.  Helping Levi could be a main focus later when you were comfortable again.  Right now...Right now this was for you.  This was healing for you.

Hange took a seat, gesturing for you to take the seat beside her that was angled so it faced her.  There was a brief silence that lingered between you as Hange added notes and a few extra sketches for what you had described to her about Levi’s fangs.  Eventually, she finished, got up to pin the sheet back into place, and then turned to face you.

“What do you want to know?”

“Everything,” you said softly.  “And I’ll try to answer as many questions as I can.”

“I do have questions--believe me, I have plenty.  Levi won’t let us really...see him feed.  I only caught a brief glimpse of his top fangs the other day.  You’ve seen far, far more than me, and yes, you could probably answer some important questions I have.”  Hange’s expression was serious, eyes appearing to look straight through you.  “But they’ll be questions I’d rather you answer when you’re ready.”

“I’m ready now.”

Hange leaned forward, gaze sharp.  “You are, are you?  What did it feel like when he bit you?  Was it painful, and was there a difference with where he bit?  What did him drinking your blood feel like?  He’s always talking about the risk of him losing control, but only you’ve seen him do that.  Are there any warning signs?  Any features that appear?  What exactly happens when he loses control?  He says he blacks out, but what does it look like?”

Out of your control, you felt yourself starting to sweat, heartbeat picking up speed, rapid-fire images playing in your mind’s eye of Levi’s teeth sank deep into your neck and collar, your pleas, tears, Levi unyielding, outwardly unaffected--

Hange’s hand covered your own, pulling you out of your thoughts to give you a sympathetic look.  “Like I said, when you’re ready.  I’ll write them down, give them to you...and you can simply answer them whenever you like--whenever you can.  You’re the only one who’s seen Levi when he feeds, and he won’t let Erwin or myself see, so I’m going to have to settle for your accounts when you’re ready to give them.”

You nodded quickly, not trusting your voice to be steady if you tried to speak quite yet.

“Now, you said you wanted to know everything...anywhere in particular you want to start?”

You took a few deep breaths, steeled your resolve once more, and met Hange’s patient gaze head on.  “Start by telling me how much all of this has changed him.”

*Levi’s POV*

Someone should have warned him she was back.

It wasn’t a bad thing--quite the opposite, in fact--but if he’d known, he could have been on the lookout, he could have kept his distance for both their sakes.  Instead, because he hadn’t been aware, and hadn’t been seeking out the familiar sound and scent and had blocked them out with everything else, he ended up running right into her as she walked out of the office Levi was about to enter.

There was a tense silence between them as they both paused in shock, staring at one another.  Levi blinked, coming back to his senses.  When had Y/N returned from her leave?  How long had it been since he’d seen her?  Over a month since her leave?  Even longer since he’d scarred her so terribly?

He felt a slew of things he wanted to say rising up in his chest.  She’d been in so much pain the last time he’d heard her, enough pain that he inflicted that she’d been driven away, he had been so sure that he’d taken everything from her.  Seeing her in front of him sent a rush of relief through him, relief that he hadn’t taken everything from her if she was still here, relief that she’d come back, that she was still in the Scouts.  How long had she been back--when had she come back?  Surely she wasn’t better, so how was she, really?

Something inside him seemed to reach out, lips parting with the start of what he wanted to say on the edge of being spoken into existence.

Then the sound of a heartbeat doubling, perhaps tripling in its pace reached his ears.  Her breathing stopped as she trembled, feet trying to bring her a few steps away even if it was only two steps to the side she could currently manage.  Fear flashed bright in her eyes, slapping down the brief feeling to reach out as he quickly retreated back into himself.

Idiot.

Hopefully, before his eyes could give him away, Levi shut himself off again, expression blank as he stepped aside so she could get away from him faster, so she wouldn’t have to be anywhere close to him.

He’d wanted to cut her out of his life, and he’d succeeded in making her fear and hate him.  After all this...there was no place for any words of concern or relief, not from him.  It wouldn’t be anything she wanted to hear from him ever again.

She bolted as soon as she had the space in the hall to do so, her pace just shy of a sprint as he listened to her footsteps fade behind him.  Hange was standing just inside her office, an awkward silence filling the space between them as Hange’s gaze bore into him.  He didn’t look at her, though.  He made himself keep walking, to keep going down the hall and pass Hange’s office instead of going inside, as if he hadn’t been intending to go see her in the first place.

Right now, he didn’t want to see anyone.

Not long after Y/N returned, Levi started to notice things.

He didn’t see her, not at first.  She managed to always be somewhere else, or to have just left.  Part of that avoidance might have been his doing, with Levi going out of his way not to bump into her again and cause a panic attack, checking rooms before he entered them, staying as aware of his surroundings as he could without getting overwhelmed by all the sounds and smells.  But even though he didn’t see Y/N in person, he could see little signs of her presence.

At first, he didn’t think anything of new homemade curtains appearing on some of the windows.  He did start noticing them, though, when they gradually appeared on all the windows, and he found out they were thick enough they could block out the sun and stop the irritating, burning itch if he couldn’t stand it any longer.

Then, while he was supervising the cadet training one day, he’d caught a whiff of the scent of tea leaves carried by the breeze.  Looking around, he couldn’t see anyone other than the cadets, and all of them were too busy to be drinking tea.  Not to mention, it was specifically tea leaves before they were brewed--the subtle difference in scent was a lot easier for him to pick up on now.  Curiosity made him try to find the source, the scent leading him to the edge of the woods, and to one tree in particular.  Reaching into the hollow space in its trunk, he found a small tin with a small wrap of the tea leaves he’d been smelling on top.  Like some kind of lure--and he wasn’t sure how he felt about that.  Inside the tin were a few tea biscuits wrapped together, a few crusts of bread--the kinds of things that wouldn’t spoil if they were wrapped up inside the tin in the shade for a few days.  He couldn’t help but wonder if he was supposed to find the stash, or if one of the cadets--Sasha came to mind--had gotten crafty with stashing snacks.

The stash on the training grounds wasn’t the only one he found, though.  He kept finding the same kind of snack tins in places he frequented--aside from his own quarters and office--with little bundles of tea leaves on top to help him find them through smell.

And for a while, he couldn’t figure out where the hell these little stashes were coming from, or who had put up the curtains.

Until the day him and Y/N were finally in a room together.  It was brief, and Y/N had kept to the other side of the mess hall despite all of the people she usually sat with on the side of the room near Levi.  But once she’d spotted Levi, her first reaction besides looking away had been to draw the curtains.

Then it clicked.

She’d made or bought the curtains, she’d put them up on the windows for moments like this, when they were in the same room together.  She must have been the one to put together the tins, too, and if she had been the one to put together the tins, then he knew why she’d done it, too.  Hange had him try to go a few days without eating, and the result had been discomfort on Levi’s end as they’d found out he didn’t actually need to eat--he only needed blood.  Eating was more of a ritual, something that made him appear to still be like everyone else, and, more importantly--something else they had discovered--it helped to keep his bloodlust under control.  The tins weren’t motherly little care packages, the curtains weren’t simple thoughtful gestures.  She was trying to keep him pacified, to keep him as undisturbed as possible out of fear.  If he had something to abate his bloodlust, if the sun wasn’t irritating him as much, then he was less likely to hurt her again.

It made him squirm, put a sick feeling in his stomach.  It had been better when he hadn’t seen her, when he’d known the pain was there but it was still distant.  Now, to see that fear of being hurt again, so close, even in the tiny details he couldn't escape.  It hurt more to see these small gestures born out of that fear.  As if hearing her cries at night again--a clear sign she still was far from all right even if she could function fine during the day--was not painful enough, as if seeing the fear in her eyes when he was remotely near wasn’t already difficult, as if he hadn’t already hated himself for what his choice had brought her.

Part of him wanted to try and say something to her, to somehow lessen the pain, to tell her she didn’t need to pacify him...but he feared he’d only hurt her more.  He didn’t have the words to even start to try, and she clearly wanted him as far from her as possible.

Once again, he’d gotten what he wanted when he’d pushed her--she was finally staying away from him, now.  He’d just never thought it would be this painful for both of them.

Levi straightened from his thoughtful spot leaning against the desk as his office door opened, once more letting in the one person who didn’t bother to knock when coming into Levi’s office.

“You and I need to talk,” Erwin said as he shut the door behind him.

“What is it this time?” Levi asked, eyeing the two cups of freshly brewed tea Erwin was carrying.  If Erwin was bringing tea with him, then he intended for this conversation to take a while.  He might even be trying to bribe Levi to good behavior.

Erwin set the tea down on the desk between the two of them, fixing Levi with a firm stare.  “It’s about you.  Particularly, where your head is, currently.”

Not at all a good start to this conversation.

“You’re checking in on my wellness?  Making sure I’m of sound mind?” Levi asked, a biting edge in his voice.  “I’m fine.”

“That’s not what I’m asking,” Erwin returned patiently, taking a seat in front of Levi’s desk.  Levi was still leaning against the side of the desk, watching Erwin closely with his eyes narrowed.  “For the first time, you’re not entirely here, are you?  Now, there’s the obvious, for what could be distracting you, and it’s a valid reason...but I think there’s more than that.  I think there’s something you’re starting to want more than anything that’s involved with our fight against the Titans.”

“I’m not abandoning this fight, if that’s what you’re suggesting.”  Levi cut Erwin off before he could even suggest the notion, voice as sharp as his fangs.

The slightest smile quirked the corner of Erwin’s lips up, his head inclining slightly towards Levi.  “That’s good to hear, but I still have some rather important questions.”

Levi finally reached for the tea Erwin brought with him, gaze still fixated on Erwin as he tried to figure out what the other man was getting at.

“That doesn’t change the fact that you’re distracted by something other than what’s been going on with Y/N.  I want to know where your head is at, and more specifically…” Erwin leaned forward, tone hard and laced with that intense drive and purpose that had caught Levi’s attention in the first place when he really joined the Scouts.  “What is it that you want, now?”

Levi hid most of his thoughtful reaction behind the rim of the teacup, eyes unfocused and mind distant as he mulled over Erwin’s question.  He was distracted--he had every right to be, between everything happening to him and the tension between himself and Y/N, but something else, something deeper, something he wanted?  That wasn’t where his mind had been, necessarily, but maybe Erwin had caught something before Levi even realized it himself.  He was trying to use the momentary pause to do a bit of soul searching, to try and figure out what Erwin had noticed, hiding the action by finally taking a drink of the tea during the pause.

All other thoughts were immediately halted after the first reflexive swallow of his tea.  It burned all the way down, far more than a simple it’s too hot kind of burn.  This was acidic, like it was eroding his mouth, throat, and chest, a soft sizzle and a light steam curling off his lips as Levi erupted into pained coughs and gasps.  A weakness started to spread through him as quickly as the burn, causing his doubled over posture to turn into a crumple as his legs lost the strength to support him.

If it wasn’t for Erwin’s reflexes, Levi would have hit the floor.  The man had been on his feet the moment Levi reacted negatively, and had caught him when he’d started to collapse.  The cup had fallen to the floor, spilling its burning contents all over as Levi clutched at his throat, mind trying to figure out what the hell was happening to him.  Erwin’s alarmed voice asked if the tea had been somehow poisoned before immediately shooting down the thought himself, because Erwin had made it himself.

“Water.”  Levi’s voice was hoarse, raspy, a shadow of the pain he felt reflected in it.  Erwin left Levi’s side to grab the pitcher of water behind Levi’s desk, leaving Levi to sink to the floor and try to endure the burn.  His hand reached out to try and steady him as the strength continued to drain out of him, his palm connecting with the spilled tea on the floor as Erwin came back around the desk with water.

“Shit!”  There was a much louder sizzling sound and a far more noticeable stream of steam when his skin connected with the tea, and when he yanked his hand away, the skin was red and had even blistered.  Cradling his burned hand towards his gut, Levi reached out for the glass of water Erwin was holding out for him with his other hand, draining the majority of it to try and sooth the burn, and using the last gulp to rinse out any lingering trace of whatever was in his tea that had caused the reaction.

While Levi was doing that, Erwin crouched down next to him, reaching out to carefully brush his fingertips along the spill.  Unlike with Levi, nothing happened--no burn, no sizzle, no steam.  There was only the slight glisten on his fingertips of the few drops of tea that had clung to his fingers.  Erwin rubbed the liquid away thoughtfully while Levi watched, pulling his hand away from his midriff to show that, despite Levi’s rapid healing, the skin was still an angry red and slightly blistered.

This wasn’t a poison or anything like that--this was another side effect of what had happened to him.

“What kind of tea was that?” Levi asked, voice still strained.

Erwin looked from where the tea had been on his fingertips to Levi’s burned hand, expression both concerned and thoughtful.

“White sage.”

*Reader’s POV*

By some miracle, you’d managed to find a comfortable routine to help ease you back into the Scouts, and, more specifically, helped you re-adjust to being around Levi once again.

You did try your damndest to stay away from him at first, mostly because you just weren’t ready to see him yet.  The run in you’d had with him outside Hange’s office had been terrifying, your body reacting before your mind could catch up and try to speak reason.  Your eyes may have seen how his shoulders pulled back slightly, how he froze in place once you’d seen each other, how for the briefest moment he’d looked like he was going to say something to you before his entire demeanor shifted again to cold and closed off, and he’d stepped aside.  While your eyes had seen it all, your mind had been too busy screaming danger at you and trying to get your instincts to stir you into running away, and your mind and instincts had won out against what your eyes could see.

After that, you didn’t run into Levi at all.  Probably because it was easier to avoid someone if you were both actively avoiding each other.  Thankfully, it gave you the time you needed to learn, to try and understand, to sooth the fear that had taken hold.  Hange had quite a bit of information to give you, some of which had been extremely thought provoking about the entire situation between yourself and Levi, and others which had given you the perfect ideas to start trying to help him from a distance, to push small peace offerings his way.

They had, in fact, found something that somewhat helped his bloodlust.  Apparently, Levi didn’t need to eat or drink, but doing so could help cool down that lust for blood and make it a little more manageable.  Knowing he was still overseeing the cadets on the training grounds from time to time, you’d decided it might help--at least a little--if there was something nearby that he could turn towards to try and soothe the craving if someone ended up bleeding during training.  It wouldn’t be as effective as blood itself was, but it was better than nothing.

You’d even placed a small bundle of tea leaves atop the tin, using your knowledge from Hange about just how heightened his senses were to provide a way for him to find your little emergency stash.  You weren’t exactly comfortable going up to him and telling him about it, so you settled for simply giving him a way to find it.  You’d even used the same kind of tea leaves when you’d gotten the idea to make a few other secretive stashes just for him hidden around Headquarters, trying to pick spots he was in frequently that he could potentially find himself in a position that made him struggle with his bloodlust.

The bit about sunlight irritating him like a burning itch had been news to you--even if you’d seen him irritated out in the sunlight, you would have simply assumed some of the cadets were getting on his nerves, or that he was particularly disgruntled with everything going on.  Still, that had been something you could easily help with from a distance as well, putting aside some of your free time to learn how to make some simple, heavy curtains that you could put up on the windows around the castle.  It had also been a nice side project to help keep yourself occupied.  And, knowing sunlight was an irritant, when you started to catch glimpses of him in the mess hall or the library, in any shared space that you were bound to see each other in at some point, you’d almost subconsciously reach for the curtain to pull it closed, trying to make it a little less prominent for Levi’s sake.

But those were just the little things.  The big things were something you mulled over frequently.

Such as your discovery of how his emotions (and personality) had been amplified ever since he’d changed, and how he was still trying to figure out how to balance and control them.  It almost explained his attitude towards you since that first night.  You’d known that he was afraid to hurt you again if you stayed in his life, and you’d known he had been--understandably--angry when you’d followed him down into the Underground, when you’d argued with him.  But knowing this changed things.  Fear turned to terror, so he hadn’t simply been afraid of hurting you again, he’d been terrified he would.  Anger turned to rage, to fury.  And you kept pushing and pushing him harder and harder.  Had he even been thinking straight that night?  Had he been in full control of himself, really?

Pain turned to agony.

What would guilt turn into?

Devastation?

That discovery...that one had stuck with you.  It was something you thought about every time you caught a glimpse of him, usually as he left a room you’d just entered.

One of the biggest helps for you, though, had been the recent discovery of white sage, and Hange’s prompt, quick thinking that resulted in a gift specifically for you.  On your wrist you now wore simple, woven bracelet, day and night--never once did you take it off.  Twine made from white sage plant fibers made up the majority of the surprisingly sturdy bracelet.  Apparently, Hange had enlisted the help of Christa, Sasha, and Mikasa to make it, claiming that it was a feel better, welcome back gift for you.  It wasn’t really a lie, either.  When Hange gifted it to you, she’d explained how recently, Levi and Erwin had found out white sage acted as a sort of poison, that it burned when Levi came into contact with it.  Hange suggested that you think of it as peace of mind, a bit of protection against the possibility of Levi ever biting you again.  The little bracelet, despite how flimsy or fragile it may appear, was a small assurance of some kind of security, and it helped soothe the fears that your mind came up with in the dark at night.  More than once, you’d started to fall asleep with your other hand lightly touching the bracelet, to assure yourself it was there, that you could use it to protect yourself if the red eyes materialized from the darkness.

Speaking of a feel better gift, it had become painfully obvious that even those who didn’t know about Levi, knew that something was going on with you.  The sudden leave had probably been a good indicator considering you didn’t have anyone you would need to visit or leave for, but the fact that Christa, Sasha, and Mikasa hadn’t questioned a feel better gift was your first sign your current state was rather public knowledge.  You even had another scout that had been giving you a lot of help recently, probably deciding to try and help ease your load after hearing whatever happened to you had resulted in you taking a personal leave.  Sandy was always nearby if you needed help, probably keeping an eye on you to make sure you were okay, that you didn’t need anything.

You appreciated the help, even if the realization that almost everyone knew you were not okay was not something that sat well with you.

Well...at least everyone was too preoccupied trying to figure out what was happening with you to notice anything odd that might be happening with Levi.  Though that also meant that you had to be a little more careful when you went to make sure the tin boxes you hid for Levi stayed stocked with fresh food, changing out anything going stale.

The first time you’d gone to check the tin boxes, you would have been worried he hadn’t even found them if it hadn’t been for the fact that the tea leaves you’d put on top were gone.  At first, he didn’t seem to be using it, and you debated giving up on the little stashes.  But after a while, you had noticed that a crust of bread or one of the tea biscuits would be gone when you went to check the boxes.  He was using them.  Not often--which overall was a good thing--but he was using them.  So you kept making sure that the tin boxes stayed full, and the food inside stayed fresh.

Considering some people were actively watching you out of concern, you had to make the trips later and later at night in order to avoid drawing attention to the tins meant only for Levi.  God-forbid Sasha found one of these stashes.

That was what you were doing right now, a small collection of tea biscuits and a few crusts of bread wrapped and tucked safely away as you crept quietly through the halls, unable to bring yourself to stick to the shadows, but still trying to stay relatively out of sight as you headed towards the training grounds, first.  It was the only place you didn’t have an excuse readily available if someone caught you sneaking around, so you usually tried to get this checkpoint done as quickly as possible.

A few halls and turns away from the back exit you were hoping to take, you suddenly felt hands around your arm, pulling you roughly into one of the unused offices and shutting the door sharply behind you.  It was dark inside, a single oil lamp kept relatively dim on the desk not giving you enough light to see whoever had pulled you inside and was now in the shadows.  That was all you had time to register about your surroundings before the figure was lunging at you, almost the image of your nightmares personified without the fangs and eyes.  Though the eyes and fangs were missing from the nightmarish image, there was a flash of something sharp headed your way as it caught the light, and you reacted instinctively, still trying to figure out what was happening as your heart rate picked up speed.

They had to come closer into the light to attack you, and you were able to make out the glint of equipped ODM gear, a drawn Scouts cloak hood, one slender hand reaching out for you again while the other came in fast with what looked like a needle.  Your hand was already moving to disarm the hand that held the needle, since that was what you had seen glint in the dim light, both hands latching onto the offending arm as you tried to knock the needle away, the other hand of your attacking latching onto your hair to try and steer you where they wanted you.

“Ah-Ow--What the hell!” you tried to shout, most of your cry muffled by the sound of your scuffle as you managed to knock the syringe to the ground where it shattered and seeped into the thick, large, centerpiece rug, but found yourself shoved back into the desk in the process.  They’re other hand was reaching for the blades on their gear, a motion you immediately reached out to stop as you were bent backwards over the desk.  Your attacker’s face was finally luminated under the hood by the awkward angle, just long enough for you to see that it was Sandy, the girl who had been helping you so much recently.

She was still trying to draw her blade with her other hand tangled in your hair, and before you could stop and think, you grabbed onto the back of her neck, pulled her close, threw your body weight backwards over the desk, and sent you both careening across its surface and over the other edge.  The shattering of glass and a familiar fwoosh sound reminded you there had been an oil lamp on that desk, one that, judging by the sound and the sudden growing light in the room, had fallen onto the rug and sparked a fire.

Sandy didn’t seem to care much about the fire as both of you landed on the ground behind the desk.  You tried to scramble to your feet to either bolt for the door or put out the fire, you weren’t entirely sure yet.  It ended up not mattering, because Sandy tackled you to the ground again, the sound of the ODM gear clattering against the floor a little louder than your yelp as she tried to pin you down.  You fought back, knees pulled up to keep as much of her at a distance as you could while one of her hands grappled for your throat, the other reaching under her cloak, most likely towards her weapons again.

“Get...off!” you grunted, using your knees to vault her over you and towards the fire that was still behind both of you.  As she rolled back to her feet, you turned, taking in the sight of the fire that had already rapidly spread across the rug and was trying to devour some of the furniture in the room, now.  If you wasted any more time on this fight, you were going to be trapped in here.

As Sandy popped back up onto her feet, she pulled what she had been reaching for out from under her cloak, but it wasn’t the blades from her ODM gear.  It was a bundle of plants you couldn’t quite make out in the darkness, a slight shine to them in the light of the growing fire suggesting they were coated in oil, but she was holding it like a weapon.  What, was it poisonous?  What was she planning on doing with that?

Sandy grabbed at you again, holding onto your collar with one hand, bundle of plants in the other, pushing you back against the desk once more.  She let go of the plants, tossing them into the rapidly spreading fire.

Several things happened at once.

A thick, fragrant smoke starting to billow and fill the room as the oily bundle was swallowed by flames.

Sandy tried to push you closer to the flames and smoke, close enough the smoke made you start coughing.

The door to the room burst open to reveal the familiar silhouette of Levi, who was already rushing into the room at the sight of flames and you bent over a desk by a hooded figure.

He made it halfway across the room before passing through a cloud of smoke that had an instant effect on him.  In a split moment, Levi went from charging in to break up the fight and drag them both out of the on-fire room, to on one knee, hand at his throat, coughing violently between gasps for air, his skin starting to redden and blister.

The bundle of plants...it was white sage.  She threw white sage into the fire!

Sandy knew about--

The other scout’s grip slackened on your collar as she saw Levi’s visceral reaction to the white sage-laced smoke, realization and shock dawning on her face.  There was a tense moment, a pause between the two women who were watching as Levi tried to pull himself to his feet away from the smoke that had rapidly started to fill the room.  There wasn’t anywhere he could go now except out, but considering he’d sunk to his knees, he might already lack the strength to stand, especially with such a large amount of white sage being pumped into his system with every breath.

Sandy let go of you completely, her interest in you vanishing entirely as Levi continued to collapse.  Instead, she turned towards Levi, her hands already reaching to start to draw her blades, steps quickening to close the distance between herself and Levi--

“No!”

You didn’t think about what you were doing, you simply did it, throwing yourself at Sandy and tackling her to the ground, hands clawing at hers to try and pry one of the blades out of her grip, pinning her to the ground with yourself between her and Levi, Sandy angled close to the fire.

Sandy tried to jerk her blades aside with enough force to either pull free or embed the edge of her blade into your side, forcing you to use both your hands to keep her restrained as your eyes sought for a way to end this fight quickly.  As you and Sandy struggled back and forth over her blades, your fingers starting to draw blood from her hands, you heard Levi's coughs and gasps behind you dwindle towards a disturbing silence.  If this white sage stuff was poisonous to him, could it kill him in large doses?

The thought spurred you to more desperate action, leaning down to bite at the wrist closest to you, eliciting a scream from Sandy.  She tried to jerk away, but only succeeded in pulling her hand away from your mouth and into the fire--which earned an even louder scream.

Behind you, Levi went entirely silent.

You pinned her hand down by the arm, forcing it to stay in the flames until she let go of the blade.  Ignoring her louder screams, you waited until she finally let go before you released her arm, grabbed the cable it was connected to, pulled it from the flames, and smashed the handle into the side of her head as hard as you could while she was busy cradling her severely burned hand.  You cried out at the pain of the scorching hot metal along the way, forcing yourself to hold onto it long enough to knock Sandy out before instantly dropping it and backing away.  You looked back, dragging Sandy a little further from the flames by the leg as you staggered over towards Levi's prone form.  It was getting harder to breathe with all the smoke in the room, sweat making your hands slick as you rolled him over to try and see what state he was in.

Every inch of his exposed skin was red and blistered, and he was unconscious--either because of the pain or the sage itself, you couldn't tell.  The room might have been on fire, your lungs burning as you struggled to breathe between increasingly frequent coughs, a light headedness starting to sink in, and Sandy clearly knowing something about what had happened to Levi, but your first priority, in that moment, was to get Levi out of this room.  Even if you could only save one, and Sandy somehow had information about what Levi was, he was the priority.  He was the one you cared about what happened to him, and this smoke was poisonous to him.

Winding your arms under his and around his chest, you lifted, the task made more difficult by his unconscious dead weight.  Unconscious, but alive.  Hopefully.  You hadn't checked yet, and you didn't think you were going to have the time to check with how fast that fire was growing.  Right now you were focused on dragging him little by little out of the room and out into the hall, your bracelet causing another burn and trail of steam as it pressed into him thanks to your grip, but he didn’t react, still out cold.  At least now you knew for a fact that your bracelet worked.  You didn't stop after you'd passed the doorway, but kept going, trying to get far enough the smoke wasn't as thick, and he might be able to start to recover.  Several doors down you finally set Levi down, covering him with your cloak just in case before rushing back to the room to see if you could get Sandy out of there, sucking in the fresh air while you still could.

The flames were higher as you reached the doorway, the smoke rolling out into the hall, thick and cloying.  There was still a thin path in, but it wouldn't be there for long.  Covering your mouth and nose with your arm, you plunged back inside, squinting against the flames and smoke as you leapt from open space to open space, retracing your steps to where you'd left Sandy.

She was on fire.  Partially, just the arm and leg on one side so far, but still on fire as the flames tried to take over the section of the room you'd left her in.  You yanked her away from the main flames, ripping off her cloak and using it to beat the flames on her arm and leg out, coughing the whole time.

She's not worth dying over, remember that.  But I at least have to try and get her out, in case she does have information, you told yourself as you grabbed the other woman, preparing to attempt to carry her out as well.  You tried to pick her up and sling her over your shoulders, knowing your path wasn't wide enough to drag her like you had Levi, so you were going to have to expend some of your strength to get her out.  Once you were sure you wouldn't drop her, you started forwards, trying to avoid the flames and tolerate the smoke long enough to pass the threshold.  One step and three coughs at a time, slowly but surely…

By the time you reached the hall, you practically collapsed, dumping Sandy carelessly onto the ground as you doubled over, body wracked by the violent coughs from your smoke-filled lungs.

You couldn't stop here--you needed to get help. The building was on fire, and it was too big of a fire for you to try and put out on your own, especially with the state you were in, now.

Fast approaching footsteps drew your attention towards the end of the hall opposite the side you'd dragged Levi down, a few of the male cadets who roomed on the ground floor--including Jean and Armin--appearing around the corner.

Ah, so the smell of smoke was spreading…or the sounds of a fight in a silent headquarters in the middle of the night had caused a few people other than Levi to stir.  Good, because you didn't think you had the energy to try finding people right now.

Before anyone could ask any questions, you started giving out orders.

"The room's on fire.  Armin--find Commander Erwin and Hange, I'm gonna need them, and they need to know what happened.  Jean, get her out of here, but be careful--she's probably gonna be arrested," you said between gasps and coughs, nudging Sandy with your boot to indicate who you meant for Jean to take care of.  Armin was already racing down the hall, glancing curiously at the prone figure covered by your cloak but wasting no time to investigate considering the urgency of the situation.  "The rest of you, we need people and water, fast.  Start waking people up.  Have some people at the well filling buckets and others running them inside--those flames are moving quickly and we need to get this fire under control before it spreads any further."

Jean rushed forward to grab Sandy off the ground and carry her away, the other cadets scattering to do as you'd told them to while you shuffled down the hall back towards Levi.  He wasn’t moving, not even the slightest rise and fall of his chest, and you were starting to fear that you might have been too late.

Once you’d made it to his side, you slid down the wall, reaching out to gently pull back the cloak you’d thrown over him so you could get a good look at him.  You only did it enough so you could see, not wanting any potential passersby that wasn’t Hange or Erwin to see him like this.

His skin was still blistered and red, though you thought it seemed to be slowly fading away, like he’d simply stuck his arm in a too-hot bath and had just pulled it out.  It was almost too slight to notice, though, and you worried how long it might take for him to recover.

The adrenaline of the fight was starting to fade, but your heartbeat quickened again now that you were alone in the hall with Levi, even if he was unconscious.  There was a slight tremble in your hands as the fear tried to creep up again, but you ruthlessly pushed it aside, drawing on the knowledge that your bracelet worked, his current state, and the fact he was like this because he’d charged right in to help you without knowing about the sage as a cool rational that you had no reason to be afraid.

Your fingers gently pressed against his throat, feeling for a pulse...and finding none.  You tried again, thinking that maybe you just weren’t feeling in the right spot, that you hadn’t pressed hard enough.

Still nothing.

Starting to feel an entirely new kind of fear rush through you, you drew closer, feeling anywhere you could think to try and find a heartbeat, but you couldn’t find anything.

“No, no, no, no, don’t be dead, you can’t be dead, ‘specially not like this,” you murmured, hands pulling him a little closer as you tried to figure out what you were supposed to do next.  CPR?  You’d have to drag him into one of the other rooms in case it worked so no one would notice Captain Levi covered in burns and blisters tonight but perfectly fine, say, the next morning--

The burns.

Your panic stilled for a second, logic kicking in once more as your hand gently moved across one of the nastier burns on his cheek.  The red skin around it had faded to an irritated pink, and the burn looked a degree milder than when you’d pulled him out of the room initially.

They were still healing.  Who knew how long his pulse had been missing, and yet, he was still healing.  If he wasn’t still alive in some sense, wouldn’t the healing have stopped?  How did all this work?  There was still plenty you didn’t know about what happened to Levi--that none of you knew.

“Y/N!”

You looked up at the welcome voice, dropping the cloak back over Levi instinctually before anyone else could see on instinct.  Thankfully, at the moment, it was just Hange approaching you, Moblit rushing past to help put out the fire with the other cadets.  Reality snapped back to its full pace around you to make you realize that there were people running around in the halls, mostly ignoring you to focus on keeping the fire under control.  No one questioned the fact you weren’t helping considering you were covered with the blackish grey soot from the fire and had a burned hand, bloodied hands, and maybe even a little blood near your mouth.  Clearly, you’d already been in the middle of it.

“Hange--Help me with him,” you said, putting your arms under Levi’s limp body once more with the obvious intent to pick him up.  Hange did the same without question, taking Levi into her own arms since you actually lacked the strength to pick him up.  She pulled back the cloak to see who it was and froze.

“Don’t let anyone see him,” you said quickly, and she dropped the cloak back into place.  “That smoke’s laced with white sage, he walked right into it and...Hange, he doesn’t have a pulse, he’s not breathing, but he’s still healing, I don’t know--”

“I’ve got him,” Hange said as you broke off with another cough, her gaze flickering back towards everyone still fighting the fire.  She was already turning to carry Levi out of there before anyone could notice, giving you one last parting statement before she hurried away.

“Armin said he was supposed to get Erwin, too--he shouldn’t be long.  You can tell him what happened.”

*Levi’s POV*

He was burning alive, inside and out, throat closing and cutting off the air he’d desperately tried to breathe, eyes blurred by the smoke that filled the room.  He could only just make out the sight of someone approaching him quickly, barely caught the glint of blades being drawn--

“No!”

Before they could reach him, a dark blur collided with and knocked them to the ground, their struggle illuminated by the flames just enough so he could see Y/N on top and positioned between Levi and the other scout, holding down the hooded scout and trying to claw one of their weapons from their hands.

He only caught the faint smell of blood before the smoke once more blocked everything out, this time choking him entirely and causing his vision to darken until he slipped away into nothingness.

Everything came back to him in a rush, like he’d vaulted himself out of the depths of a lake with his ODM cables after nearly drowning, gasping in air as he lurched forward, eyes snapping open, world spinning around him in an overwhelming cacophony of sensory information coming at him all at once.  The surface beneath him had a slight give to it, a blanket falling into his lap as Levi lurched forwards, breathing heavy since the last thing he remembered was being unable to breathe and he was instinctually trying to gulp in air.

Someone’s hand lightly touched his arm, drawing Levi’s attention before he could even start to visually take in his surroundings and bringing him face to face with a familiar pair of glasses.

“Oh, thank god, you are still alive, I wasn’t wrong, good,” Hange was saying with visible relief, helping to steady Levi as he tried to regain his bearings.

“What?”

Still alive--what was she going on about?  No...what had happened?  The fire, Y/N, the other scout, it was coming back to him in fragments, and he had a gaping hole in his memory after he’d seen Y/N tackle the scout to the ground before they could reach him.  He’d just lost consciousness...right?

“You didn’t have a pulse--we thought you were dead.  Well, technically you were, but I mean, you weren’t permanently dead, apparently.  You were still healing, so we thought--or, I suppose, more hoped--that you were actually okay, or you would be.  The only thing we’ve been able to do is wait and see what would happen.”

Levi listened to her with partial disbelief, hand moving subconsciously to lay over his chest and feel his heart pounding beneath his fingertips.  Dead?  Again?

The smoke...it shouldn’t have burned like that, unless the thing that scout had thrown into the fire as he’d entered the room...had it been white sage?  Was that why the air had suddenly choked him, why the smoke burned when he walked through it?  His gaze flickered towards the hand that was still holding him up, the skin smooth and unblemished once again, even though earlier it had been blistered and red, had felt like someone had set him on fire.

Levi gave himself a small shake mentally.  No, that was something he could reflect on later, there were more pressing questions right now.

“Y/N, the fire...what happened?” Levi asked, voice still sounding weak to his ears.

“I didn’t hear the story, but besides a bit of a burn on her hand, Y/N’s all right, we managed to put out the fire before it spread too far, and the scout that attacked you two is in the dungeons.  Y/N told Erwin the full story, you’ll have to ask him for the specifics.  He’s been waiting to see what happened with you before going to get answers from the scout--I suppose he figured you’d want to be there, if you woke up.”

Levi pushed aside the blanket, feet planted firmly on the ground as he started to get out of the bed Hange had him laying on.  Now that he looked around him, this wasn’t Levi’s room, Hange’s, or Erwin’s--it seemed like they’d stashed him in a spare room while he recovered.

“He’s in his office?”

“Most likely,” Hange answered, watching with concern as Levi had to reach out and steady himself, a brief wave of dizzy weakness washing over him as he stood up.  “Levi, you might need to rest a little longer.  You were just dead a few minutes ago--”

“I’ll be fine,” he said bluntly, cutting her off as he let his hand drop and headed for the door.

He needed answers for a lot of things right now, but his current priority was figuring out why that scout had been attacking Y/N, how the hell she’d known about white sage, and what else might she know about what was happening to him.

Erwin had been understandably surprised when Levi entered his office--pleasantly surprised, yes, it was good news Levi was alive, but still surprised.  Apparently they’d had to make excuses for his absence for almost two days, unsure if he was even going to wake up.

After dismissing the scout who didn’t understand why Erwin was visibly surprised to see Levi, Erwin had locked the door and explained the situation to Levi.  Of course, Levi already knew that Y/N was all right and the fire had been put out, but now he had a better understand of what happened.  Now he knew that the scout had attacked Y/N, possibly believing her to be whatever Levi was, considering how quickly the woman’s attention had shifted once she saw Levi react to what Y/N hadn’t.

He was also aware now that not only had Y/N tackled the other scout and subdued her before she could attack Levi in his weakened state, but apparently she’d been the one to drag him out of the room before the flames could reach him or the smoke burn him any longer.  She’d also been the one to take charge of the initial reaction to the fire before a disorganized panic could give it a chance to spread too far.

Erwin, in the meantime, had plenty of time to prepare his approach.  From what was explained to Levi, if they could convince the scout who’d attacked him--Sandy, her name was, apparently--that she was mistaken, that Levi wasn’t...whatever she thought he was, then she’d be allowed to stay in the scouts.  If not, then understandably, she couldn’t stay.  They’d dismiss her, citing her to have had some kind of mental break, likely from stress.

It wasn’t ideal, having to make someone doubt themselves, to discredit them that way, but if her meditated reaction to finding out about Levi had been to attempt to kill him--and to technically succeed for two days--then she couldn’t stay.

But all that would come after they attempted fishing for information, which was what they were doing now.  Erwin was situated on a chair facing Sandy’s cell directly, the guards dismissed, while Levi leaned against the wall in the shadows, by the door.  He could hear just fine from his spot over here, and he would stay out of sight, which would hopefully result in Sandy being a bit more talkative.  As such, it was already established that Erwin was going to conduct the interview as if Levi wasn’t there, and Levi was simply there to listen, just in case she had something informative to say.

“You do realize that not only did you attack one of your comrades, you attempted to attack a superior officer, based on the statement given by L/N,” Erwin said, gaze steadily fixed on the imprisoned scout that was sitting out of Levi’s sight.

“Attacking Y/N was a mistake, I swear, I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known I was wrong--I was sure it was her, I was sure, I was just trying to confirm it, but things escalated, and then Captain Levi showed up, and--”

Clearly, sitting in a cell with no one to talk to for two days hadn’t done anything for Sandy’s nerves.  She was a nervous wreck, and her statements were all over the place.  It looked like she hadn’t thought of what she was going to say when she was faced with consequences for her actions--or maybe she’d actually believed she wouldn’t be discovered.

“I know it’s going to sound crazy, and I didn’t quite believe it myself until I saw it, I saw it with my own eyes, but Commander Erwin, Captain Levi isn’t human!”

Levi straightened where he was standing by the door, attention sharpening.  This was what he was down here to hear.

“I know Levi’s skills exceed that of any other soldier, but that doesn’t mean--” Erwin started to say patiently.  His steady dismissal of the statement caused an outburst in Sandy, which was probably his intent.

“That’s not what I mean!  I mean, maybe, that’s something else, maybe that has something to do with it, too, I don’t know, but that’s not why I’m saying this!  Please, Commander, you have to believe me.  I wasn’t trying to kill anyone, not...not at first,” she finished in a squeak before she jumped right back into her fervent claims.  “My grandmother used to tell these stories, and that’s all they were, stories!  Nonsense!  There were no such things as bloodsuckers, the living dead that drank the blood of humans to stay alive--they were just ghost stories she told to make us behave!  But then Y/N kept pulling those curtains shut to block out the sun, and she was sneaking out late at night, everyone knows she left for unknown reasons for a whole month, and there’s those whispers about all the strange deaths in the Underground, of people showing up drained of blood and I-I got spooked, so I just thought--I thought I’d just make sure that they really were just stories.”

Levi felt sympathy start to rise to the forefront of his mind at her statement.  She’d simply been scared, and she’d handled it poorly.  There was a lot of that going around, recently.

“L/N said that you threw something into the fire instead of putting it out when it started.  I’m assuming the stories had something to do with that, too?” Erwin asked, expression and voice both entirely indifferent, unrelenting in his thoughts or feelings about what he was hearing.

Sandy had apparently started tearing up at some point, since Levi heard a sniffle inside the cell.  “She used to say that you were supposed to burn white sage to cleanse a place of evil spirits and demons,” Sandy said rather pitifully.  Levi’s grip tightened on his arms, but it was the only reaction to her words between him and Erwin.  The other man simply kept up his interrogation.

“That explains that part,” Erwin mumbled under his breath, purposely loud enough for Sandy to hear.  “Anything else you want to explain about your actions?  Now is your chance to do so.”

“I know it all sounds crazy, I thought they were just stories, too, but that sage worked, I saw it, it burned Captain Levi--he’s not human, Sir, you have to believe me.  If he’s one of those bloodsuckers from my grandmother’s stories, then all the scouts are in danger!”

Erwin started to stand up.  “What happened to Captain Levi was a severe allergic reaction to white sage--”

“This wasn’t an allergy!”

Erwin continued as if she hadn’t spoken.  “--one that I’ve known he has because I was there when he first discovered it.  I also saw him after the fire and can confirm the rash and hives--not blisters and burns, like you may have led yourself to believe--”

“No!  I saw it!  Commander Erwin, please, you have to believe me, I saw it with my own eyes, that wasn’t an allergic reaction, the Scouts are in danger--”

Levi straightened from his spot against the wall, silently making his way out of the dungeons and back towards his quarters.  None of this was something he needed to be here for.  In fact, it turned out he didn’t need to be here to begin with--Sandy didn’t know any more than they did.  She knew even less than them.  Listening in had been pointless.

As he entered his office, Levi left all but one of the lights off, even though it was late at night by now.  He simply let the moon and the oil lamp on his desk provide the light, mind trying to decide if he needed a cup of tea or something stronger as he made his way to the window.  After unlatching and opening it, he leaned outside, closing his eyes and breathing in the fresh air as a cool night breeze pushing his hair back.  His thumb idly traced along his palm, tracing scars he should have had from burns and shattered tea cups before dipping down to feel at the pulse in his wrist.

Demon...that was the second time he’d been called that.  A red eyed demon that preyed on the unsuspecting.  An evil spirit warded off with a little white sage.  The living dead.

He was dead, wasn’t he?  He’d died twice, now--once in that alley when his investor snapped his neck, and again just the other night when he’d apparently suffocated or the white sage had caused his heart to stop--he wasn’t entirely clear on the details, there, though he was sure Hange would have plenty of inquiries after this to find out.  Could he even really, truly die now?  If he hadn’t been breathing, if he didn’t have a pulse, yet he still healed and came back, was there a death for him?  He wasn’t even alive--or he shouldn’t be, at least, after he was killed that first time.

From what Sandy had said about her stories, he wasn’t even human anymore.  He was some kind of monster that preyed on humans...like the titans preyed on humans…

Levi shuddered in self-revulsion at the thought, feeling his ire rise as he ran his hand through his hair to try and dispel the idea that was already taking root in his mind.  As he did so, the flap of powerful wings drew his attention out just past his window, towards the tree that grew outside his office that had recently become the home of a rather large brown owl.  As he watched, the owl landed on one of the branches with one talon, the other talon holding a pinned black raven in its claws.  Levi locked eyes with the owl, which seemed to look at him inquisitively before, after deciding Levi wasn’t going to interrupt or disturb it, it reached out with its other talon to hold the still-squirming raven’s head down before it’s beak tore into the neck of the pitifully flailing smaller bird.  Able to see the scene in perfect clarity, Levi tensed and looked away, shutting the window behind him as if he could shut out the scene that reminded him too strongly of the night everything went wrong.

As Levi was latching the window, his door opened.  Erwin, again, then.

“Didn’t sound like you were convincing her when I left,” Levi said as Erwin stepped inside, Levi pushing the curtains aside a little more to let the moonlight in before he turned to face Erwin.

Erwin shook his head.  “I left her to think things over, but she knows what she saw.  She’s not going to let it go.”

Levi nodded.  So they were going to go about dismissing her.  It was a shame...and unfair to Sandy.  She’d truly been trying to protect the Scouts from the monster dwelling among them.  She should be thanked, not dismissed, except that monster was him, and Erwin needed Levi out there fighting titans, protecting Eren...so Levi’s secret took priority.

“You seem a bit more occupied with your thoughts than usual.  What are you thinking, Levi?”

That was one way to ask him how he was doing after all those frantic accusations about Levi being a demonic, bloodsucking, evil spirit, a monster, a threat to the Scouting Regiment, to everyone around him, even if he was trying so hard not to.

“I go down to the Underground regularly.  And I rip open the throats of unsuspecting people to drink their blood.  To eat them.  I come back wanting to eat more.”

His tone was on the brink of a threat, his words sharp, and as he spoke, he kept his gaze locked with Erwin’s, refusing to let Erwin look away from the truth of what Levi was saying.  He refused to let the other man blindly deny that he was actively protecting a monster that devoured people like the titans did.

Erwin’s gaze only hardened, meeting Levi’s head on as he stepped closer, as if to prove he wasn’t frightened by the threat in Levi’s tone.

“What happened to you wasn’t your choice,” Erwin said bluntly.  “What you did choose was to keep fighting, and to continue as yourself.  We both know you’ve been trying to minimize the casualties despite needing blood to survive now.  You’re still fighting for yourself, for the scouts, for humanity, despite everything that’s happened.  You didn’t change as a person, Levi, you’re still you.  You still have a heartbeat pumping blood through your veins, so you’re still alive.  You still think and feel--from what I’ve heard from Hange, you feel even more, now.  You’re more human than most of us, Levi.  Don’t forget it.”

Levi turned his head away, choosing instead to look out towards the shadow on the tree he knew to be the owl, eating the rest of its meal.  It seemed every day he found another reason to be mortified with what he was turned into, whether it was discoveries like tonight that forced him to look at how inhuman he could be with the slightest step in a different direction, or with how thoroughly he’d already hurt the people around him despite how much he’d wanted to avoid doing so.  But under everything, at the very center of it all, was a rage simmering under the surface, a fury focused entirely on the man who’d done this to him, who had turned him into this creature against his will.  That was what Erwin saw, that was what was at the root of everything bothering him, distracting him.  Levi’s goddamn investor, who hadn’t even rippled the water from what Levi could tell since turning him.

“What I want…” Levi said suddenly, his voice quiet and steady despite the intensity of his unearthed rage he was finally bringing to the surface so he could properly look at it.  “Is to find the thing that did this to me, and rip its throat out.”

Erwin seemed to consider Levi’s words for a few moments, studying Levi closely as if trying to gauge if it was an honest desire or if Levi was simply trying to throw him off from the conversation they’d been having about how Levi saw himself.  However, he still relented--for the time being--and nodded slowly.

“It does seem that there’s something...possibly more dangerous than a titan...lurking within the shadows of the walls,” Erwin said carefully.  “Considering how easily it was able to overpower you, we were lucky it decided to turn you instead of kill you, or we would have suffered a devastating blow for our efforts.  It would be wise to try to find it before it reappears.  Right now, if it was to go after someone else, if it decided to kill someone important to our cause, we’re woefully unprepared to handle that kind of a threat.  That needs to change.”

Erwin gave Levi a level look, one that clearly laid down the fact that this would still be a give and take deal between the two of them.  “I’ll tell Hange we’re doubling our efforts to understand what’s happened to you so we can start coming up with ways to fight back.  And we’ll start looking for the being that attacked you.  What you want, is something the Scouts can want, too.  It’s something that would be in all of our interests.”

Next Part---->

Levi Tags:  @humanitys-hottestsoldier @sunny-flo @clary-quinn

Investment Tags:  @regalillegal @cecldcecld​ @soft-levi-girl-blog​

Vampire Levi Tags:  @thesilencebeforeastorm @psychiccvampire @mysteriousmagicx @super-peace-fangirl

[hs-devote]

2. S T A R T E R

Moodboard // Content // Masterlist

Disclaimer:

All characters and situation in this story are fictitious. Resemblance to any person living or dead is only God knows.

Previous chapter :

In less than 30 seconds, the door bursted open revealing a man with fancy clothes, curly blonde hair, hands in his pants. Y/N never seen him in this company before. Harry sighed in disbelief, dialling Madeleine's extension immediately.

“Don't you know what function of the phone or fucking intercom is on your desk?! I didn't say I'd be available for another guests.” He hissed.

That blonde guy looking at surrounding, until his blazing blue eyes caught Y/N busy figure on the couch. He taking closer step to her, tilting his head. “I've never seen you before.” He spoke lowly. Y/N just offered a small smile.

“Hey, Harry. Is this your new birdie? You didn't tell me you got a new beau.”

2. STARTER

His words made Y/N face reddened, trying to ignore it.

“You almost never let a female to sit on your couch, always sitting formally.. in there.” He's teasing again, while pointing at regular seat. Y/N squinted her eyes, while Harry massage his temple. She knows this guy irritated him so much. “How many times to I have to tell you, you can't go straight into my office without warning. We never know if I'm busy-”

“Busy shagging this girl? Woah I think office is off a limi-”

“LUCAS!”

“Excuse me?!” Y/N screamed along with Harry. The man –who called Lucas by Harry– just giggling like a fool, but in one second the look on his face turned serious. “With your reaction like THAT, I believe even more.”

“Just.. just don't listen to him, Y/N. This is my cousin, Lucas. And Lucas, this Y/N, my assistant.” Harry was lost in his words, didn’t want to make the situation being uncomfortable. Meanwhile, Y/N muttered a nice to meet you – even Y/N didn’t like his first impression, she had to be polite by forcing a small smile.

“What do you want?” Harry's voice stern, glaring at his cousin – trying to balance his emotions. Lucas smiled wryly, “Firstly, I want to apologise to you and your lady. Secondly, did you check your phone? I didn't come to joking around. Except for earlier.”

“No, I was busy. Why?”

“Commonwealth decided to review the projects and there's possibility that we might.. lose the bid.” He asserted.

Another crumbling day for Harry.

Harry stared at his cousin in disbelief, then snickering. “You've gotta be kidding me.”

“If the worst scenario really happens, you should find substitute.”

“How much the bid worth?”

“Around £850,000.”

“Fucking hell.” He muttered, while rubbing his face. “Keep an eye to this. I'll think of another plan.”

Lucas nods, getting up from the seat. “I'll keep you updated. Get enough rest, you're overworked. Try to have fun for a while.” He tapped Harry's shoulder – winking at Y/N, then excused himself.

“Dear lord please get easy on me.”

Y/N heard Harry mumbling, she couldn't imagine how upset he is at the moment. Finishing the paperwork, she put it on his desk “I made a few points, there are something we can fix. The rest, we have to change the agreements in total.”

Harry was silent, no words came out. Until suddenly his head snapped, “Have you grab lunch? I need to clear my mind.” He asked, change the subject.

.

.

.

. Lunch break taking place at an Italian restaurant not far from the office. While Harry ordered pasta, Y/N was more interested in salads. London cool breeze this afternoon and vacant booths in the restaurant are something that she enjoyed for a moment. If she was alone to take a lunch, she didn't dare to eat in a fancy restaurant like this. She would go for Shake Shack, The Athenian, or Thunderbird – sometimes she likes to bring her own homemade food.

“I want to apologise for Lucas behaviour earlier. Sometimes he doesn't have control over his mouth –or whatever came out from his mouth.” Harry sighed, putting down his cutlery. “Meanwhile, he's one of the trusted people in Erskine. The most loyal employee I've ever seen.”

“It's okay.” Y/N mumbled, “I thought he was your friend. Never seen him before, not expecting a cousin or employee either.”

“Indeed,” Harry sipped his drink. “He's not having duty in here. He heads a branch in Manchester, but every two weeks he'll definitely come here.”

“Mr. Styles, can I ask you something?” Y/N ask quitely. Harry glanced briefly, smirking. “It's Harry when we aren't in office.”

She blushed, “Right.” Tucking a strand of hair behind her ear, “I do not intend to ruin your mood, regarding the two agreements that you asked me to correct. There are a lot of weird things, if you want to change them, I'm not sure they would want to because.. If I could say, the agreements was favourable on their side.”

He just stared at her, bitting his lip. “Have you finished them?”

“If we can persuade them, our losses can be minimized. Everything will be okay if we do it right.”

“I hope so.” Sighing, he leaned in his seat. “Arrange the meetings, we have to talk to them as soon as possible.”

After finishing lunch, they both in rush to getting back at the office. When Y/N wanted to pay her meal, Harry beat her first. She refused, but he was insisted – he said it was small treat because he hasn't found her mistake during her work with him. Y/N thanked him when leaving the restaurant, promising to treat him a lunch the other day.

Canary Wharf that noon filled with people, some dressed up in their business attire, or common people who just want to grab lunch. It took a couple meters walking to the restaurant, so Harry didn’t use his car when he took Y/N out for lunch.

Harry was talkative person with meaningful conversation. From him, Y/N knew that Erskine actually has a sister company, but he didn't take care of it anymore since it had been sold by his father's friend.  Right now, Erskine is kind of arguably hostile to that company. His father was furious, but he couldn't do anything because it was his own fault after all.

“The name is Machtig, if you want to know.”

Having a good chat, a joke here and there, until someone hit Y/N from behind. She was stumbling a bit, but Harry was quick to hold her arm. It was a man, wearing a thick, worn-out jacket and black beanie. At first Y/N didn't really bother, but after realising she was no longer holding her purse. It hit her that man was running on her, most likely the robber.

“Hey!” Shouting, her legs start running after him. Hoping he didn't disappear in a sea of people. Harry was confused, chasing her slowly without knowing the reason.

“What's wrong?”

“That man stole my purse. I need to find him.” Y/N ran back, hoping to find that man. A little grateful for remembering his appearance, makes it easy for her. Having no care with some people curious eyes, Y/N kept run following her instinct –left Harry somewhere.

Her head snapped, seeing Harry was pulling the collar of the man she was looking for. Y/N walked to him, being able to hear what Harry say to him.

“It's not yours, mate. Give it back to me.” The robber was stubborn, not wanting to return it back. He still holding her purse tightly. Y/N took the initiative to pull his jacket, so she could take it, but luck was not on her side that day. As fast as lightning, he pulled out the pocket knife, leaving a small scratch on her arm. Blood was splotching from the cut, not much -but still hurts.

Seeing Y/N in pain, Harry pinned the man's hand down in his back, taking away her purse from him. Saving it securely behind his suit jacket. The robber managed to free his hand and giving Harry a  punch below his jaw. Y/N flinched, as Harry stumbling –while the man ready to give another attack, she quickly stand on his way. Ignoring her wound.

“No! Please stop! We just want my purse back!” Y/N shouted.  Taking a step closer, she could smell alcohol from his awful breath.

“Get out of my way!” Before he could reach her, Harry pulled her behind his back and this time give that man a good punch right in his face until he fall backwards, holding his seems broken nose. Harry's fist was tight with the veins popped up.

Something strange, despite his bruised jaw, Y/N felt that someone standing in front of her is not like regular Harry. Yes it’s Harry, but he was dark, more intimidating. When he look back – staring at her, she could clearly see his irises get darker than usual, his pupils dilated. Without warning, Harry pulled the man's collar and beat him up, everywhere. Face, jaw, chest, stomach. No matter he was bleeding blood and his action gathering more crowd.

“Harry, please!”

No response, still punching.

“Harry, stop! He's slowly dying!”

Again, still punching, no mercy.

“Harry!” Y/N grabbed his waist, holding him back so he couldn’t punch his opponent again. As if he didn’t hear her, he tried to let go of her hand, but she got faster by cupping his face. Forcing him look at her, “Harry, please stop. I'm okay. We're okay. He's dying, you could get him killed.”

He averted his gaze around, seeing people seemed to be talking about him. Y/N quickly turned his head, to look at her again. Comforting smile was drew on her face, “It's okay. We'll go, okay?”

When she turned around, she saw the man lying unconscious, silently praying Harry didn't kill him. Four policemen appeared before they both could go from the scene. The two of them lifting the man up with the help of paramedics who had just arrive, while the rest of policemen came to them.

“Excuse me ma'am?”

Y/N gave him small smile, “Yes, sir?”

They begin to ask about the scene that concerns them both and asking for information. Feel enough to hear her confirmation, they ask for Y/N phone number if they need to call her upon the accident later, and excuse themselves. She glance at Harry, because he hadn’t said anything. His stare was blank, still with darker irises and dilated pupils. It took her a moment to realised his hands were covered with blood, but the police never asked anything about it. Looks like they didn't notice, same as her who was unaware, the blood from her wound still dripping.

Harry suddenly wrap her wound with handkerchief, tighten it to keep the blood from flowing. Taking her hand in his, he asked her to leave. “Let's go.”

Arriving the Erskine building, they took another lift, direct to his office, not wanting employees to see his state. When they both passed Madeleine's desk, Y/N was one hundred percent sure she was looking at them both in utter shock, not daring say anything. All she knew, Harry's hand was still holding Y/N's, not knowing that her two colleagues were bleeding.

Y/N got a first aid kit and start helping Harry's wound first. But again, he beat her first, taking over the kit.

“Hey, let me help with your wound.” She said. He just silent, taking the kit out.

“Yours worse.” That's all he said. Y/N endured the pain while he help her, thankful that the wound wasn't that deep so it didn't need hospital stitches. During he bandaged her wound, she was looking at him carefully. His chocolate tousled curly hair, soft curls that fell on his forehead. Eyebrows, eyelashes, those eyes, and then nose, thin lips, cheekbones, jawline, and his small ears. This man was so pretty, so beautiful. Despite his rough act earlier, he was so delicate.

When his eyes flickered at hers, Y/N avert her gaze. He bandaged her wound neatly, she muttering a small thank you, appreciating his help. He refused her help when she took his hand.

“Let me help you, Ha-”

“I said, no! Don't you understand? Are you deaf?” He growled, voice heavier than usual. The earlier aura still dangling around him. Irises still dark meanwhile his pupils back to normal. To be honest she felt a slight pang in her heart, do not understand what's happening. He got up, leaving her alone with a loud bang when exited his office.

.

.

.

. From what happened a few days ago, Y/N still doesn't dare to interact much with Harry. Just talking and meeting him if necessary. He also didn't talk about that scene. Since the accident, it seemed his mood was still bad, he was more often issued a higher pitch than usual.

Sun shining blindly that noon. Upon her return from lunch break, some employees gathered together, seemingly talking about something. When Y/N passed by, she felt their attention follow her every step she take. She didn’t bother, thinking they're gossiping about unnecessary things.

“So, your wound because of that huh?” Madeleine, with the last name Brown –well, she just know recently– pointing at Y/N's bandage.

“That what?” Y/N didn't want to jump into conclusion that she know what happened, Madeleine might has another assumption.

“You were robbed while walking back to here, weren't you? The news with headlines – Harry Styles, the man of Erskine, got into huge fight – spread massively today. Some medias showing your pictures that day.”

She stare at Madeleine dumbfounded, didn’t know about this. Did Harry know? Her minds rolling on the few people she met in the corridor, it most likely they were indeed gossiping about her. About that accident. Y/N just shrugged, “I don't know if that accident will spreading everywhere.”

“I was surprised, it's rare for a robber hanging around in that area. As well as the pictures, how the hell the journalist got the pictures” She mumbled. “How's your wound anyway?”

“It's getting better, I think it can be removed in a few days.” Looking at her bandage, a small sign that always reminds her of the accident. Madeleine just nod, “I think the scene really getting into him, you know? I mean, he's more irritable lately. Did you know he fired three employees on the 6th floor yesterday? He even threw a journal right in front of them.”

She bulging her eyes, shocked. “I didn't..”

“Well, he was furious. But it was undeniable hot.”

“Get to work!”

They both flinched when someone barking behind them.

Speaking of the devil, it’s Harry Styles himself.

Madeleine nodded, walking back to her desk. He didn’t stop in front of them, continued to walk towards his office. Y/N stare at his back, then down to his hands. His bruised fist still look angry, although it seems already taken care of.

The time keep ticking until clockwise shows 7.00 pm. Y/N tasks today was awfully pile up, every single one of them were screaming wanted to get it done. Dead silent in her office increase her desire to  finished them quickly. She realise the office was getting dark, contrast with her view of London night sky that twinkles from buildings lights out there. Y/N was getting ready to go home until she realise the office next to her, Harry's office, is still blinding light.

Thanks to the sheer curtain, she still able to see Harry's figure still on his desk, hands holding his head tightly. For a slight moment, Y/N can see him gripping his head, veins poking, sometimes hitting his head with his fist. Worried about him, Y/N taking initiative to dialling his extension, keeping her eyes still on him. He didn't budge, letting his phone ringing. She tried to call his personal number, Harry had looked at his phone screen but didn't answer it. Lifting her bag, she headed to his office.

“Mr. Styles?”

No answer.

“Harry?”

Dead silent.

This time, she knocked his door. Still, no answer. Slowly, Y/N scanned her access card, the door opened successfully. Slowly, very carefully, she walks to Harry.

“Harry?” She call his name, in friendly way. She hopes he will soften a bit if she call him not with Mr. Styles

“What do you want?”His venom voice scared her, but Y/N was determined to getting closer to him. Step by step...

“Are you okay? Are you in pain?”

His head immediately snap to her direction, his face made her fear increase. Y/N swallowed, taking a closer step. In a flicker eyes, he stood up – walking to her, grabbed her hands – right in the wounds. She winced, hands trying to hold his hand away.

“What do you want?!” His boomed voice startled her. Y/N squeaked, while staring into his eyes. His eyes, a pair eyes she didn’t know. She wanted to scream, ask for a help. But there was only Harry and her in here.

“Harry, please. I don't intend any harm.” She whispered, almost crying.

“Harry? Harry you say?”

What?

She didn’t understand. Maybe he meant she should address him Mr. Styles. He opened his mouth again, but it wasn’t an anger, it was a wince. He let go her arm, and moved away. Keeping his distance from Y/N. He screamed again, in agony. Y/N comes near, but his hand prevent her.

“No, please no. Just.. just go home, please. It's getting late. I'll be okay.” His voice is gentle now, like his usual voice. Seeing his assistant didn't move any muscles, Harry's pleading again. “Please, I'm okay. You should go home, Y/N.”

Y/N just stare at him, nodding her head. “Get rest, Harry.” She left Harry alone, headed home. Her muscle feel stiff. She wants to hurry up so she can relax her muscles under the shower.

The following day, until late noon, there are no signs of Harry. His office is still the same as last night, a little bit messy. Y/N asks the cleaner to tidy it up, while trying to contact Harry on her phone.

To: Harry Styles

Good afternoon, Mr. Styles. Are you coming to the office today?

Less than five minutes, her phone buzzing. New message from Harry.

Hi, Y/N. I'm sorry I forgot to let you know I couldn't come today. Is there something important?

When Y/N just wanted to reply his message, her office phone ringing,

628 – Madeleine Brown

“Yes, Madeleine?”

“Hi, do you know if Mr. Styles will come? I have five lines waiting on him.”

“Oh, actually he just text me that he couldn't come. I think he's unwell right now. Tell them they can call back tomorrow, or leave a message. I will tell him later.”

“Alright, thank you.”

She hung up the phone, texting Harry back. Letting he knows that his client wants to meet him tomorrow, but she's not sure, offering to push it back. But Harry, as the hard worker he is, undertakes to meet them tomorrow, asks for her help to prepare, and asks her to send some finished documents to his email.

Lunch break, Y/N decided to take away a chinese food and chose to spend her lunch break in the break room. The queueing is not too long, but standing alone in a queue is quite boring. Y/N wants to take Madeleine with her, but she has disappeared first. While she's waiting her order, the ongoing broadcast news quite distract  her, showing news of the murdered that occurred last night on King's Road - Chelsea. The victim was lying on the side of empty road, with a stab wound in the hip. Unfortunately no sharp objects were found, there was no CCTV either. The Police are having a little trouble investigating it. All they can find out is the victim is a homeless thirty year old man.

Thanking the waiter after her order came, she walking back to office immediately. On the way back, she remembered the accident with Harry the other day, she just realise that she didn't get any call from the police. If they did follow up on that case, her or Harry should have been asked to be willing to be witnesses, right? . 

.

. Unedited. The first few chapter will be sucks.

Feel free to ask me anything here

[mediaevalmusereads]

Daring and the Duke. By Sarah MacLean. New York: Avon, 2020.

Rating: 3/5 stars

Genre: historical romance

Part of a Series? Yes, Bareknuckle Bastards #3

Summary: Grace Condry has spent a lifetime running from her past. Betrayed as a child by her only love and raised on the streets, she now hides in plain sight as queen of London’s darkest corners. Grace has a sharp mind and a powerful right hook and has never met an enemy she could not best, until the man she once loved returns. Single-minded and ruthless, Ewan, Duke of Marwick, has spent a decade searching for the woman he never stopped loving. A long-ago gamble may have lost her forever, but Ewan will go to any lengths to win Grace back… and make her his duchess. Reconciliation is the last thing Grace desires. Unable to forgive the past, she vows to take her revenge. But revenge requires keeping Ewan close, and soon her enemy seems to be something else altogether—something she can’t resist, even as he threatens the world she's built, the life she's claimed…and the heart she swore he'd never steal again.

***Full review under the cut.***

Content Warnings: explicit sexual content, violence, blood, references to child abuse and maiming

Overview: There was only one book left in the Bareknuckle Bastards series so I thought “why not?” I was curious as to how MacLean would redeem the main antagonist of the first two books, and I rather liked Grace every time she showed up on the page. While there were some things I enjoyed, I would put this finale closer in quality to Brazen and the Beast than Wicked and the Wallflower. There wasn’t much to bind the two leads together aside from their past, in my opinion, and while MacLean attempts to tell a darker, angstier story, much of the plot felt empty and repetitive. Still, there were some nice nods to feminism and consent was always at the forefront, so I’m giving this book 3 stars.

Writing: MacLean’s prose isn’t radically different in Daring than it was in Brazen. It might be a little more serious, as the subject matter is definitely darker, but overall, it’s easy to get through and conveys MacLean’s ideas clearly. My only major complaint is that Daring felt more slow-paced than its prequels, perhaps because we got a lot of filler and repetition of the same scene but from different perspectives. Granted, some of this happens in the previous books, but because Daring isn’t largely focused on something external (like a business rivalry or a power play with an antagonist), everything just seemed to drag.

Also like Brazen, I don’t think MacLean used her themes to the fullest extent. There were some interesting attempts, such as the story about Apollo and the recurring mask motif, but there were also some duds, like the commentary about people being mad that Victoria was queen because she was a woman (Victoria was not a good symbol of “girl power,” in my opinion). While any one of these could have worked, they didn’t have as heavy of an impact as the themes in Wicked.

I also think MacLean held back on giving her characters unique quirks that served as metaphors; while Grace does have a tattoo that has some significance, it didn’t have sustained presence like Felicity’s lockpicking or Whit’s two watches. As a result, Daring felt the most thematically flat of the three books, and I wish as much care was put into both Brazen and Daring as was in Wicked.

Plot: Aside from the romance, most of the plot of this book revolves around Ewan’s redemption and a subtle concern over the increased frequency of raids on houses of ill repute. To be honest, I think this book started out rather well; Grace rescues Ewan from the explosion that happed at the end of Brazen, and their initial reunion and confrontation was fairly angsty. From there, though, I felt like the plot started to get repetitive and had no shape. Devil and Whit would threaten to beat up Ewan, Ewan would make some grand gesture (like hosting a ball or ask to help Covent Garden in a way), Grace would be attracted to that gesture, they’d have some intimate moment, Grace would then get nervous and run, only for the cycle to start over. While I did like the ways in which Ewan tried to earn forgiveness by helping Covent Garden, there wasn’t a whole lot of tension in these scenes aside from the threat of a brawl. I also didn’t feel like the subplot about Grace’s bordello was prominent enough or thematically related enough to have an impact; the bordello raids seemed to be a commentary about women and power, but it fell flat for me because Ewan didn’t really have to struggle with seeing Grace as an equal or as someone with power in her own right. He’s mostly already there, so the commentary felt rather hollow.

I think I would have much rather seen a plot with stronger parallels to the romance or one with more dramatic references to the characters’ pasts. Maybe Ewan’s secret could have been at risk throughout the book, and Grace has to decide what to do (which could have made for an interesting final showdown, if Ewan’s true identity had been discovered). Getting out of that pickle seems like a much more interesting plot than the empty gestures towards women in power that we got.

Characters: I liked Grace in Wicked, so I was happy that she got her own story in Daring. She’s a smart businesswoman with an intelligence network of almost all women, and I love the pleasure she takes in roaming the rooftops and dressing in bold colors. I also really love the friendships she has with her lieutenants at the bordello, and the sibling banter between her and Devil and Whit. However, my admiration from her cooled whenever she would engage in her back-ad-forth with Ewan. She never seemed to know what she wanted and was fairly flighty, which is understandable to an extent but irritating when there isn’t a strong plot or clear emotional progression to back it up. I always felt like Grace was stagnating and never really evolving, and her main character flaw was just to get over her past and hesitation about Ewan’s title. I wanted her to have something more, like an insecurity that Ewan could help her with.

Ewan, for his part, is somewhat interesting in that he was a villain in previous books. I liked the angst he brought to the story as well as the heartbreak when we finally learn why he made certain choices in his past, but other than that, he didn’t really have an exciting emotional arc. After the first scene, Ewan leaves London for a year to make himself a better man worthy of Grace, and when he returns, he seems to have finished growing and only needs the people around him to see it. I feel like we were cheated of seeing that growth happen on-page.

Side characters were fine and served their purpose. Devil and Whit were at their best when teasing Grace, but at their worst when talking about Ewan. I felt like they were always threatening to beat Ewan up but they never acted, which meant that their words felt hollow and their confrontations were useless. It would have been more interesting, in my opinion, if they had had more honest conversations with Ewan about their pasts so the angst was not just between Ewan and Grace but between the brothers as well. I wanted the brothers to struggle more with their emotions, rather than just think about punching one another.

Grace’s lieutenants, Veronique and Zeva, were fun when they were teasing Grace, but it also felt like they were there to relay information about the raids, which weren’t all that interesting. I liked that Grace was shown to have female friendships, and I liked that the lieutenants showed women in positions of power outside of a domestic setting, but ultimately, the raids just weren’t exciting enough to me to think of the lieutenants as much more than filler.

Romance: Based on the events from the previous two books, some readers may not find Ewan redeemable, so the quality of this romance will largely depend on what your personal threshold is. Personally, I was willing to give MacLean a shot, and while I do think she did everything she could to show that Ewan was trying to atone, I also don’t think she did enough to make the romance exciting. Grace and Ewan seemed to be mainly bound by their pasts, and though Ewan says he loves Grace for her boldness and power, it seemed all tell and no show. Part of the romance requires Ewan and Grace to learn who the other is now rather than try to recapture their childhoods, and I felt like not much of that happened outside of Grace just giving Ewan a tour of her bordello and telling stories about what happened to her after she fled with her brothers. I would have much rather had moments where the two bonded over some shared values - the laundry scene in Covent Garden kind of did that, but it was so dragged out and nothing was really built upon it, so I don’t think it had the intended effect.

I also don’t feel like Ewan and Grace grew within the romance very much, and by that I mean they didn’t help each other overcome some kind of character flaw. Ewan’s character development happened off-page, so most of his arc was about getting others to see that he had changed rather than changing before our eyes. Grace’s main barrier to the relationship was her past and her inability to trust, which would have been fine if all her reservations didn’t go out the window the moment she noticed Ewan’s muscles. It was somewhat exhausting to see her have an intimate moment with Ewan, insist that it was just this one time, then flee because they couldn’t be together (due to his title and her emotional hang-ups). The cycle would repeat, and it didn’t feel like each encounter built on the previous one. I think I would have liked to see a continuous evolution where the two learned who the other had become in the 20 years they were apart, uncovering truths along the way and building back trust rather than this back-and-forth of “we can’t be together” and “well, we can bang this one time but NO MORE after tonight.”

TL;DR: Despite including some delicious angst, Daring and the Duke ultimately relies on a cyclical romance and a lackluster plot, making this book a middling finale to the Bareknuckle Bastards series.

[chouetteffraie]

Why do you think skk is so popular 🤔🤔

This is a loaded question, dear nonnie! Coming right out of the gates with a toughie huh?

Soukoku is a behemoth of a ship. Getting initiated into the fandom, it’s probably one of the first ships you’ll see. With soukoku fanart popping up in the bungou stray dogs tag all the time and, out of 13144 bsd fics on ao3, 5655 of them including soukoku, it’d be hard not to see the immense fanbase it has. So, we come to your question nonnie: what makes soukoku so popular?

Please note: this comes from the perspective of a relative nonshipper, and I only speak for my own opinions and observations. I’d love to hear anything you have to add!

under a read more because it got a little wordy!

1. Foe Yay

Foe yay is a term used by TV Tropes to define the shipping of two characters who are enemies, whether it’s because the operate on opposite sides of the law or they just don’t like each other. Overall it boils down to this: the hostile tension between them can be easily read as romantic or even sexual if you choose to read it as such.

Media is up to interpretation, so where one person sees bitter enemies, another sees a viscous round if flirtation. Neither are wrong interpretations, even in regards to the canon legitimacy of a ship- I hold this viewpoint because I believe canon can be anything you want it to be; it’s an open field to sow the seeds for creativity. So, in any situation where they are together, there’s automatically a possibility for that moment to be regarded as a ship.

2. Their history

Let’s be real: people love a story where two characters know each other like the back of their hand. While that may not be the case, it’s a pretty solid fact that of every character in the series (that’s still alive- sorry, oda), Chuuya is the one who knows Dazai best. Everyone in the ADA may (or may not have) heard about his time in the mafia, they may have heard him talk about his darker days, and they can see what he’s capable of, but they weren’t there with him. Chuuya was.

Chuuya is the only one that’s still around who, through being partnered with Dazai in the past, knows that darker side of him the best. Akutagawa, as his subordinate, only knows the version he saw as an underling. Chuuya saw more of the real him as an (almost?) equal. Dazai isn’t very open with his personal details; he never was. But there are certain things Chuuya doesn’t need told like others might because he was there, and that sets the foundation for a nice potential ship.

3. Their partnership

I don’t remember the exact phrasing, but soukoku was and is described as an ultimate powerhouse, an unstoppable duo. In order to be part of a team that rises to such infamy, there has to be a certain bond, one where the members can work together and trust that the half of the job that isn’t theirs will get done efficiently. 

Not only do they have that certain bond, one where they can trust the other’s strengths and play off them to emphasize their own, it’s almost like the two characters were made for each other - in a way. In terms of their abilities, Chuuya’s could legitimately kill him when he uses it, and he has no way to stop it. The only way it can be stopped is through Dazai- he’s dependent on Dazai if he wants to perform to the best of his abilities (slight pun intended). Dazai, however, would be incomplete in the team without Chuuya; where he’s tactics and intimidation, Chuuya’s more the powerhouse and action guy he needs. While capable independently, the two are better together. They allow the other to perform just a little better than they would alone.

4. Their trust

Because of this partnership, the two of them trust each other. Chuuya has literally admitted this to Dazai (yeah I see you “I used Corruption because I trusted you” squad) They know what the other is capable of- Chuuya is especially aware of Dazai’s darker habits he tries to hide- and Dazai knows how Chuuya will respond and trusts him to be loyal and dependable as he’s always been.

5. Their current bond

William Shakespeare once said (something along the lines of), 

“Love me or hate me, both are in my favor. If you love me, I’ll always be in your heart…If you hate me, I’ll always be in your mind.” 

What that means is that any strong emotions, whether positive or negative, towards a person will put them in the forefront of your mind. When you have a crush, you often think about them all the time, are reminded constantly of them, and have strong reactions when they are mentioned. When you hate someone, you tend to think about them all the time, are reminded constantly of them, and have strong reactions when they are mentioned. Thank you copy and paste.

Love and hate have very similar “symptoms,” so it’s easy to see why enemies could be viewed as lovers in denial. Let’s be real, denial is a sexy, sexy concept to play around with in fanfic. Who doesn’t love a good slowburn and some classic mutual pining?

Even now, in the current timeline, Dazai lives to pester Chuuya constantly, who is the perfect target with his temper and confrontational attitude towards Dazai. You know what that is? Chemistry. I’m not talking strictly romantic, either. As two characters, they go well together: they interact and bounce off each other in an entertaining and believable way.

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Overall, soukoku is what I see as the most fundamental ship in any fandom. For Durarara, it was shizaya, for Voltron, it was klance- the whole “rivalry” thing seems to attract shippers, and for good reason. Soukoku has a few unique spins to it to help shippers make their point, and I know I’ve missed a lot of them in this quick little ask. Still, I hope this gives you an idea as to why I think it’s so popular!