#this show is so confused about what it wants to be and it's painful to watch! this is what makes it entertaining in a roudabout way

[a41-i-finally-caved]

JJ and PTSD and why 4.10 was a slap in the face

Okay. so. Here's my issue.

(there will be a ton of cursing because I'm fucking pissed.)

JJ's ENTIRE FUCKING ARC has been him feeling like he's worthless, like he's somehow inherently evil, that he "deserves" the things that happen to him, that everything's all his fault. That he should be killed saving his friends because that's all he's fucking good for.

And that? That's not a JJ-exclusive thought pattern. That's what happens to your brain when you're a CHILD and a fucking grown ass man instills that in your head. Whether physical and verbal abuse like they showed in canon, or childhood sexual abuse like what's happened to me and many, many others. An adult shows you that you're not worth shit compared to them, and since you, again, are a child, you fucking believe them. Adults teach you about the world, and kids are good fucking listeners.

So you grow up knowing down to your guts that you don't belong on this earth, you don't own your body, you don't deserve the space you take up. Any of y'all confused by JJ's bullshit?? Well there you go. That's the very basic assumption he's working off of: he's dead, been dead for years, so what the fuck's it matter what he does? It doesn't.

(I don't know how to express that screaming lack of existence to those with an inherent understanding of their own worth and right to living but the closest I can get is this. You look at yourself and understand that no matter what actions you take, you are wrong on a soul-deep level and there's nothing you can do about it.)

Here's the thing. It's all bullshit. And it takes so much fucking effort to believe that, and some days you don't but you trust that you will tomorrow or the next day or the next. That's called healing. That's called living.

Because the only way past this is time and support and fucking proving with every breath that no. Fuck you. I deserve to be here. I deserve to get old. To cry. To weep. To fucking dance on a dock because you finally made a home. That you deserve to LIVE.

And S4E10 just declared no; you don't. JJ was too damaged to give him any other ending. Even Kie couldn't fix him. The best he could hope for was dying in the dirt with someone he loved. Oh look he gave up the crown! He was happy in the end! He had his wish! He loved her!!

Yeah well sorry to bust the 'isn't it all so tragic' circle jerk, but no. It's not fucking poetic. Or beautiful. Or God-fucking-forbid romantic. It's shit.

Because JJ Maybank was never real, but they chose to highlight the very much real pain I and others struggle with using his story. And then they told me that struggle ends with death...because how else could it end?

Just because y'all can't imagine living his life and going on, and going on, and going on, and not fucking killing yourself doesn't mean the rest of us aren't looking down that path every day and deciding to break those lies in one moment of existence after another.

The showrunners missed that.

If they wanted to finish JJ's arc? It wasn't saving Kie, or finally having some 'realization', or sacrificing himself for his friends. It wasn't some short but meaningful life.

JJ needed to fucking live to prove that he deserved it. End of story.

Thanks for the slap.

[crustyfloor]

lowkey becoming a Till hater after this. I hte that guy (Regretted writing this 2 seconds later)

It was established earlier in the series that some of the cast do have parents, some know their parents or remember their face, some don't, I feel like it was important to us to know this fact about Till, because this comic answers more questions about him than I had thought, such as where his sense of humanity originates from entirely.

Starting the comic off with "Lo has always wondered ever since the creation was born whether or not providers also felt the same emotions that they were feeling towards the creation" shows more about the environment of Alien stage than I initially thought, Lo seems to love Till more than any "parental figure" I've seen in alien stage, its real, its affectionate, but Alien stage is so dystopian and detached from our society that Humans have no real solid attachment to morality, social code, etc. Aliens could never relate to humans either, so how can they enforce what they don't understand? This leaves Humans to figure it out on their own because no matter what, they'll still be human and feel inexplicable emotions. Love is one of these major emotions that get confused. and loving someone is normal, but I can imagine "Providers" can't afford to be as attached to their "Creations" as Lo was, they couldn't help forming a special bond with Till. But I love that it's immediately established that Lo loved Till as much as they could, and he wasn't brought into the world without care and familial love.

And it's also made clear that Till's passion for art and music was apparent from the jump.. even as a child, he composed his own song and sang it to his mother, he started showing skill and talent at a young age, he was as much of a prodigy as he's always been said to have been, but Lo's expression upon realizing that is so unmistakably afraid. Lo knew more than anyone in that situation how risky it would be letting Till go on because singing, they were more than familiar with the environment of Alien stage, the elaborate display of talent and entertainment on the big screens, the inauthentic excitement of the performers, Till was almost just like them, and Lo knew that Alien stage was where innocent children like him go to be chewed and spat out by Segyein until they had their fill and moved on to the next talent, Lo feared that fate all the same, humans like them didn't have the right to just sing when they want however loud they want, their voices didn't belong to them. Not anymore, but Till had made it into something of his own, he was too naive to know the truth.

They knew the risk, as a survivor, Lo knew what life, what horrors Till would be subjected to if this was ever found out by the aliens who would only use it to hurt and market him, to put him through a grueling cycle of pain until he too met his end on that stage. Lo's ear notch is a nod to their experience, and they were completely right. But as a mother, they didn't even want to take that innocence away from Till, not when his eyes sparked so brightly and pitifully.

In relationships like these in Alien stage, I always see that there is a choice to make between breaking making reality clear or reveling in obliviousness, it happens with Ivan and Sua, Sua and Mizi, Till and Mizi, etc etc. Something has to give and take.

Sua's sister is my favorite example of this kind of exchange, she told Sua bluntly that she would be doomed on that stage as she is now, that she was pitiful, if only to ensure her safety in some twisted, caring way, it effected Sua a lot as a child, living with such deep seated trauma caused Sua to develop an obsession with safety and security based on the fear her sister instilled in her so deeply, to find that warmth in Mizi, Sua was content living in delusion until she had to face it, continuing the cycle.

Lo made the decision to let Till remain oblivious, they, too, found comfort in such childish carefreeness. Like they had hope, they let Till keep singing despite their unease. They cared so deeply about Till enough to prioritize him being himself rather than making him suppress his spirit. The darkness that shadows over Lo's perspective in contrast to the light that makes Till's shines behind Till shows the difference between living in fear--delusion and living freely, oblivious.

The cruelty of their situation was overshadowed by love for a moment, Lo's one wish for their son-- that he would grow up knowing what it's like to love and be loved and chase after the feeling--if only in his heart he would remember how much they tried to show him that love and actively seek it after they're gone, or give it to someone else. They wanted to teach him to be himself through encouraging his love for music.

I don't believe they failed at all. Till was fully aware of how much he meant to his mother, it was so obvious. He loved making them proud, and making them smile and sing with him every time he tried to replicate those 'good cries', Till loved Lo back equally, and as he grew up he never stopped loving.

One thing about Lo's wish was that they hoped Till would never grow up alone. Till's separation from his mother must have had more of an impact on him than we could ever realize from his perspective, even if we never hear about it again, even if he's forgotten about it, suppressed it, it's a trauma that has deeply plagued his subconscious. He lives with that wariness for the rest of his life.

It was Till's fear that stemmed from the pain and regret of losing his mother that caused him to avoid attachments, emotionally suppressing himself, and he keeps his heart behind restrictive chains because he can never let that vulnerability be used against him again, it explains a lot about his relationship with his friends, how he percieves his own relationship with them after going so long not addressing his feelings. He craves connections but fear, and being in the middle of confusion makes him freeze in place and run back to old habits. Jumping to feelings he can easily rationalize, hatred, anger--or avoiding conflict all together.

Even after Lo and Till were separated, Till did not grow up without love, or without the feeling of loving, even though he was alone in his own self-made bubble distanced from his peers, there is a difference between isolation and loneliness, in his case, he remained distant even with his closest friends, or the girl he loved more than anything, as a way to protect himself. But he was never left alone with 4nakt beside him.

When Till can only realize he's loved when he can recognize it and see it for himself, thats what makes the comic being focused on the whole group rather than just Mizi or Ivan interesting, and telling about his character. It drives home the fact that Till was also a little kid who craved connection just like the others, he expects to be left to himself, and his friends seek him out naturally. He valued and loved all of his friends. rather than a specific person like Sua focuses on Mizi and Ivan focuses on Till this shows that everyone who stayed with Till had an importance to him

(Even Sua looks somewhat fond...)

Till grew up knowing what it was like to be cared about and loved it, sought it out, and inherited that touch from his caretaker, What Till gained from his relationship with his mother shows in the way he treats Mizi, Ivan, even Sua. Mizi's kindness and care were a familiarity, something that instantly attracted him to her, it likely reminded him of his mother in a way and he subtly sought out her attention for that very feeling of love and feeling cared for.

With Ivan, he couldn't help caring about him in little ways, it was only natural, if only because it was part of Till's nature to nurture, letting Ivan be himself around him as a parallel to the way his mother encouraged him to be loud about his interests. And Sua, even if they weren't close at all, Sua was an acquaintance to him, hell even the way he treats a little broken flower with just as much compassion shows us how much Lo impacted Till's growth

To the Segyein, Humans are nothing more than a product, to those who disobey, they are punished, to those who comply, living to sing on stage and feed the aliens is their "prize" for living through it all. Their separation was something Lo saw as a their punishment for having their own little rebellion in making music for themselves, loving it, making it into something the aliens couldn't use against them, it was their own little fun, and they could do it freely. It was an inevitable consequence that they could have prevented as Till's caretaker

In the end, Lo probably never lived to see her son grow up, but they prayed for Till's pursuit of happiness. The traces of them, the evidence of their care that they tried to deeply thread into Till's person stayed with him forever, exactly what kind of trace Lo had left on him...they taught him how to love and be loved, they let him love art, they showed him what living freely with no restraints was like, that's the kind of life he fights for even after he's trapped in this system. her impact keeps him kind-hearted and fighting. It keeps him human despite all of the pain he was burdened with as he grows up

And even when his art is his pain, the creation of art and music reminds him of why he lives, what he lives for, it gives him a vague sense of hope even if for a moment, it brings him that same joy he had when he was a child

"Exactly what kind of trace"

The traces you leave behind is what's important to a human, every human is born to die, what matters most is how you live your life, what impact and memory you leave behind, I love Lo's character, even if we have little context around her background, because she knew that fact and wanted nothing more than to leave a meaningful impact on Till, if they were to one day die they wanted to leave him with a trace of them, a message he would never let go of. and that sentiment became deeply intertwined in his being. Till's emotions, his love, makes him the character he is.

The title of the comic expresses this too. "evidence" or "traces"--this comic is evidence of Lo's impact, evidence that Till was loved and knew how to love in return, Till had relationships. His entire existence was the product of love, it's evidence that he was alive and had humanity, that's what makes this comic even more tragic. It's evidence that he was human at all when we can forget that in the midst of the chaos of all of their lives. Innocence where the aliens don't bother to acknowledge. Till isn't a weapon, or a product. And this perspective of him through his mother's eyes reflects that.

The humanity that he holds within himself even after losing family connects him to more people who prove to care for him as deeply as he cares for them. Till was lonely but never alone with the love he had around him, they always come back, the relationships around him that his mother wished he would have so that he would never sink into a lonely abyss, only a boy and his song, and on that wall is a drawing that draws a picture of a life he's always wanted, a real heavenly garden with real trees and a real sky, and the drawing includes the four of them together, because he had always envisioned a life worth living, free, with all of his friends by his side.

The translation is done by @/WhatfaFruit

[squeakadeeks]

Fabric highlights: Microsuede

I get a lot of questions about material choices, so I thought it would be cool to do little overviews of my favorite materials! (since to be honest, i pretty much just rotate between 3-4 fabric types haha)

Starting with microsuede, my all time favorite and most used material choice. Microsuede is a faux suede made from lots of tiny polyester microfibers split and combined together. its similar in feel to natural suede but distinctly different in its overall fabric drape. It can sometimes have stretch, but usually its a non-stretch fabric. (also not to be confused with microfiber!! mircofiber fabric is similar but its much softer, its the material that cleaning wipes for glasses/screens are used of.)

Some of the advantages of microsuede is its a thick, sturdy fabric. Personally I find it a very friendly fabric due to its thickness and body. Its a great choice if you want something to have some heft to it and structural support. It presses well and can hold folds like the dickens. Its both easy to work with and easy to make a garment that looks nice out of imo. It comes in all kinds of weights from apparel to upholstery. I've personally never used heavy duty, true upholstery weight microsuede so I cant speak much to that, I tend to use microsuedes intended for apparel.

Another great advantage of microsuede is it has an inherent, mottled texture. this is great for making simpler, color blocked designs still have visual interest.

It also takes to adhesives well due to the fuzzier texture, meaning the glues can grisp with more surface area (you just might have to press it in a bit, its still a poly fabric so its not the easiest thing to get hot glue to stick to but by god it can be done).

But microsuede is not a one-size-fits-all fabric. One, the stiffness it has can be a downside if you want a more flowy drape, it would rather fold and crease than flow. Two, its a pain to paint or use HTV on, the fuzzy texture is a downside here. Three, It can also show needle holes if you have to seam rip depending on what you used. You can use a universal needle on microsuede dependings on the weight (I usually do). But its still a thick fabric so be sure not to use too thin of a needle, i also have luck using medium pressure and a walking foot. but all the same ive lost many a needle to microsuede via snapping.

Another thing is personally i find that due to its texture, it looks more homespun and rugged, as such I would hesitate to use it if i wanted a costume to look more regal or formal (i still used it on thistle though lol so its all about the particular use-case)

I source my microsuedes from Big Z primarily (like literally 90% of the time) but I also use fabric wholesale direct, and jo anns, who despite their markups does have some very nice quality suedes, i love their stretch suedes in particular.

I love microsuede. its probably my favorite fabric to use and I will even change my plans on a costume just to use it!

[bougiebutchbinch]

I’m back to talk about transfemme Wade (who I think would refuse to go by Wanda bc “we already have one of them, don’t wanna confuse the fans!”) but in an embarrassing amount of thought so anon-

I feel like she has so many wigs that sit along the wall of their room, one for every occasion (Logan talked her out of getting a massive Miku length one bc she would never take care of it Well enough-), her favorite is the Barbie of just a cute blonde ponytail that sometimes she’d clip colorful strips into. Sometimes she showers wearing a wig for the Euphoria of her bf being pissed there’s a bunch of plastic in the drain- she goes through so many phases of what style she likes, their living room was full of amazon boxes at some point and Logan was ‘forced’ to sit through a fashion show and give his opinions, and while he doesn’t know the difference between Lolita (THE STYLE THE STYLE!!!!) and Harijuku, all he knows is his girl is beaming and rambling a mile a minute and he can’t make himself veto any outfit she shows off. Unfortunately his real favorite look of hers involves the same t shirts and boxers she wore before coming out, no makeup, no wig, face mushed into his chest and just Content as can be. He doesn’t care about her putting on a big effort to look femme (though will always lovingly praise looks so the RSD doesn’t trigger), as long as she’s happy and safe, he’s so lucky to have her 🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷🩷 anyways I go ESPLODE NOW thinking of my self ship with her-

WAILS AND RUBS MY FACE ALL OVER THIS LIKE A HAPPY CAT

AWHHHHHHH

she is everything to me. EVERYTHINGGGGG

[UNDER A CUT for discussions of bottom dysphoria - as well as related self-inflicted violence, but in a Poolverine way where violence is consensual and sexy and fun for everyone involved!]

I need her to be happy and to find joy and to have a million wigs and for Logan to love her just as much with them as without them, while bitching something rotten while he pulls the gross wads of plastic faux-hair out the drain

I need her to drape herself over Logan's lap like a happy housecat only Logan's the one who starts (embarrassedly) purring as he strokes her because he's so delighted and comfortable in his life right now~ And Wade is just being VIBRATED by the very loud proof of her boyfriend's love of her.... And she is smiling the GOOFIEST grin while Logan turns bright red!

I need her to turn to Logan after a long day of murder and they start pulling voraciously at each other's clothes - only Logan freezes STARSTRUCK because. Damn. And Wade's kinda confused and a bit self conscious, but tries to hide it under jokes until Logan says in this gruff, choked voice - "You look so fucking good in red" and she looks down to see where she's pulling off her costume and she's just fucking covered in this glossy red satin dress of her own blood ❤️

(And Logan maybe buys her a long red evening dress that she's probably never gonna have occasion to wear, but he's flushing so much when he presents it that he almost matches the colour, and he wants to see her in it so bad, and whenever Wade wears it around the house just casually, she gets picked up and fucked against the nearest wall lmao)

I need Logan dipping her effortlessly in a kiss, and she feels so fucking weightless in his arms ❤️

I need them baking together before Laura comes around and they both keep burning shit but they're laughing and having a good time and there's a smudge of flour on Wade's nose and Logan is imploding internally over how cute she is

I also need her to casually say to Logan one day when the Bottom Dysphoria is particularly bad, 'hey can you chop off my dick while fucking me and then just keep chopping it off whenever it tries to grow back??' and Logan is like 'what the fuck babe' and 'I have a vague sense that I shouldn't enable this' and 'babe are you fucking sure' and Wade is like 'yeah I get off on pain and that would make me very very happy, plus it will do no lasting damage <3' and Logan is like 'OOKAY I GUESS' and then they have fun horrific bloody mutilation sex that would look absolutely awful to anyone else but is actually very tender and affirming and cute

[sillygoofyqueer]

Please, oh mighty one, bless us with more jiuyuan crow Yuan content. I'm kicking my feet giggling everytime I read any of your additions. That guy so needs an emotional support animal, no matter what form it comes in.

Do you think crow yuan wld be attracted to the shinies in the bamboo hut? All the uselessly gaudy gifts the sect leader keeps throwing at him are finally coming in handy. But SJ is also super possessive of his items, so I wonder how that interaction will pan out? Would crows be the type to appreciate fine art and pretty colours in paintings, or are they just attracted to things that glow and reflect the light?

Also I'm just imagining crowyuan completely missing the bullying scene, then flying around until something shiny within the bamboo stalks catches his eyes, and he just finds a dangling guanyin there like ???

Does he take it with him? Does he realize it's the protagonist's jade pendant? Or does he just go, huh, how'd this get up here, and off in a nest it goes lol. Man, one of your previous posts talked about crowyuan just scattering his nests all over the peaks, and no one can touch them unless they want the wrath of god (SJ and thusly his enabler) upon them. And I just find it hilarious how inconvenient it could possibly be? Like imagine him setting up nests in the most inconvenient places on An Ding out of spite, and people just have to circle around it and try not to dislodge anything. Like, not all of them are on purpose across the peaks but man can it turn out to be a bit of a pain. And then ofc it can just be endearing the other times, with peak disciples recording the location of new nests and tallying to see which peak has the 2nd most nests (1st ofc always goes to Qing Jing)

I'm squealing over this reaction, I will bestow upon you what you seek. Shen Yuan is literally pulled into the Bamboo Hut after the sun hits the shinies through the window and he notices the glint from where he's politely making a nest nearby (so Shen Jiu won't be lonely!! God!). There is a slight pause of 'oooh, shiny! NO, THAT IS SHEN JIU'S- holy shit was that a ruby-' and then he darts into the hut (conveniently left open because SJ had to rush to deal with a rude visitor) to go poke and prod at the shinies. SJ returns to his hut after booting Liu Qingge (who wants to show SY a cool monster he killed) off his peak, to find the source of his headache holding a random gold trinket close to his mouth (he can test the realness that way, he swears), frozen in place as he stares at SJ. Of course, SY is embarrassed and SJ is confused (and yet pleased - SY entered his house of his own accord). SY awkwardly hands over the shinies he has scooped up into his arms, apologising profusely about the instincts he has while SJ (although he doesn't care about them, they're still his) acts righteously offended by his the little thief and forces him to stay for the night as punishment - no nest equals punishment for the thief teehee. However, Yue Qingyuan sees how much SY likes shiny things and starts offering him little gifts because he wants him to feel comfortable on Cang Qiong Mountain- SJ is of the full mindset that YQY is trying to steal his bird and immediately gets pissed off. As if that loser's bribery gifts are any better than SHEN JIU'S!! He will not stand for such a thing, and starts shoving his gifts into SY's hands almost forcefully. SY has learned to appreciate the finery of things, which is his human side still sliding into his life, but the other crow demons are still working on that aspect. SY does most definitely just sees the fake jade pendant, bites it, and just goes "mmm, fake things <3" and drops it into his nest. Luo Binghe sees it one day and has to physically hold himself back from just snatching it right away, instead finding SY and breaking down into tears as he tries to justify why he should have it back. SY has already handed it back to him, but he feels the need to explain. SJ is super jealous to find SY coddling LBH in his nest like the baby birds he deals with all the time. SY WILL PUT HIS NESTS ANYWHERE, AND HIS NESTS WILL STAY THERE BECAUSE NOBODY CAN DENY THAT DEMON. He makes them everywhere: on paths because then he can still be social while chilling, in An Ding peak storerooms just because..., on the roofs of Wan Jian Peak forges because they're toasty, Bai Zhan Peak fighting grounds because cool entertainment, and Qing Jing Peak because SJ <3

[anamericangirl]

"fun" interaction I had with a pro-abort who I thought was my friend. For context, I was a teen pregnancy and was put up for adoption. I wasn't arguing explicitly against abortion, but that adoption should be a more visible option. I told her I was adopted and even though I experienced plenty of struggles in my life I was glad I was born.

She said it would have been better if I was aborted because then I wouldn't have gone through that pain.

This was years ago and I still get confused about it occasionally.

I apologize it took me a while to get this but that is insane.

Pro-aborts really have no idea what they are saying. The idea that dead is preferable to any sort of struggling is preposterous and they need to stop idolizing murder and death.

When pro-aborts pretend abortion is preferable to letting a child live because at some point they are going to struggle or experience pain I want to ask them if they've ever struggled or experienced any pain and when they say yes I ask them "then why haven't you killed yourself yet? You know you're going to experience more pain and struggling in life so if death is preferable to that why are you still here?" Because the truth is they know experiencing pain is not a good reason to end someone's life.

They've convinced themselves abortion is the best thing ever, though, so if someone tries to show that other options are better they have to start defending abortion even when it makes no sense to do so.

I, for one, am glad you were not aborted.

[bloodyinkandquill]

Venomshank and child zombie Reader

ughhhh headache, but me and my sister are watching the season two finale of toh, it’s my fav show it’s her first time watching it, the collector is my favorite character, they’ve been my pfp on my main since king’s tide aired

- Venomshank can’t recall every person he’s turned, when he goes feral he cant recall those times and if he doesn’t have his mask on it leads to him later discovering a good amount of new zombies, so when he starts finding new zombies recently he doesn’t think much of it, he does feel bad for basically killing innocent demons but he is still a deity so he doesn’t truly feed that bad

- That changes though when he finds one zombie, cowering behind something watching him, eyes scared but also not quite understanding what’s happening to them, it was you, he knelt down to you and took of his mask to try and appear less scary

- He could tell you weren’t fully turned but turned enough, some of his zombies were brainless husks but on rare occasion the bite doesn’t work correctly and leaves them half themself half zombie, so he tries to gently explain to you what happened, you got infected by something and now you’re partially a zombie, your reaction is either scared and terrified or maybe a bit excited because zombies are cool

- He tells you that he can bring you to your parents if you have any, you say you don’t so he asks if you’d like to accompany him, internally he’s trying to make up for the fact that he bit a child, not really having anywhere else to go you agree, maybe he’s also filling a bit of a hole, he does miss when Sword was a kid

- Venomshank treats you incredibly kindly and gently, he does everything he can to stop the turning so you stay at the amount you are, he can’t cure you but he can stop you from turning further, he also figures out exactly what inside you turned, what organs no longer work, he finds you no longer breath but to some degree your heart still beats, it’s odd

- He cooks you food rich in vitamins and such especially vitamin D since you can no longer go in the sun, hope you like oranges! His cooking is actually really good, if not a little strange, but not bad since he’s already raised one mortal child he knows what they eat now

- Speaking of you get all of Sword’s hand me downs, clothes and toys, his old room, he of course also gets you new things as well, most of Sword’s stuff was donated anyways, but he also gets you teething toys, the zombie part of your brain really wants to bite any and everything so having teething toys instead of gnawing of furniture is good, if you bite him he doesn’t mind he laughs about it and takes a fake snap at you, you giggle and he makes sure to never actually bite you, worried it would finish the turning process

- Sword first meets you around three weeks later, he’s gotten very curious as to why his dad’s been in the mortal world so much recently so when he stops by his home to check in with his dad he sees you hiding behind the couch, at first he’s confused till he notices your rotted skin and understands, he also takes pity on you, slowly as Sword visits more, especially to take care of you when his dad can’t, you get closer, he basically becomes an older brother to you, which he sort of is since his dad is sort of acting as a dad to you

- Venomshank feels guilty a lot, he wishes he never would have gone feral without his mask and turned you, he feels like he ruined an innocent child’s life, you’ll never grow up and you’re not fully yourself anymore, when he thinks your not looking he throws pained glances your way because he wishes he could have done something more to help you, he doesn’t regret meeting you but he wishes he never had to

- Sometimes he has to go away for days at a time, maybe two weeks if he’s unlucky, he insures you have more then enough food and such and makes you promise to be careful, you always do, even pinky swearing to top it off, sometimes Sword will take care of you but for the most part you can take care of yourself, you usually just sleep a lot, or zone out, since you turned you do that a lot, sometimes you’ll zone back in to realize you were just standing in the kitchen for 7 hours straight, you just eat like 13 oreos, have some water, and go to bed

- Speaking of bed your sleep schedule doesn’t exist, sometimes you sleep for 2 days straight, which sort of terrifies him, sometimes you sleep through the day and are up at night, other times you have a regular routine of sleeping at night, you also take a lot of naps, you have less energy as a zombie and you also get bored a lot, he plays with you and does things with you to keep you busy which you appreciate greatly because it beats sleeping all day, though sleeping is nice, so is biting, biting galore

- The other swords do not know of your existence, he fears them seeing you as too weak or a waste of time so he keeps you secret, maybe Darkheart knows of you but the others just think he’s spending more time training his mentee, when in reality he’s caring for an eternally child demon, he knows eventually he’ll have to say goodbye, in one way or another you will finally pass on, but for the time being he has you and he can care for you, protect you when he couldn’t before, it’s bittersweet but he knows he just has to cherish the time he does have with you

ugh my fucking head help my headache is so bad ughhh, maybe i should put on my old glasses till i go to bed, i just need to figure out where they are, anyways hope yall enjoyed thanks for reading!

[fangirlmermaid]

You Are The Only Exception!

Summary- Reader performs a brand new love song about Matt at a concert.

Pairing: Matt Sturniolo x fem!reader

Note: Thank you to everyone who voted for my poll! It was a tie so I will be posting the Chris Fanfic soon!

Warning: Small sexual tendencies, a very sassy and pissed-off manager

(as usual, there may be spelling or grammar mistakes)

(Sorry that it's long)

~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the intermission part of your show. This was usually the time you spent talking to the fans and getting the latest gossip about what was going on in their lives. Not this time. You were nowhere to be seen, making your boyfriend Matt confused but he just assumed that there was a problem you had to take care of.

Matt and his brothers sat in their box seats talking stupid shit when they heard a commotion from the audience below them. You weren’t in your red bodysuit, you were in this gown. Matt's eyes grew hearts, which caused Chris and Nick to wrinkle their noses in disgust at their brother's reaction. No matter what you wear Matt always looks at you like you are the most beautiful girl in the world but seeing you dressed in that outfit took it to a whole other level, Liam Neeson could be near, and his attention would still be on you.

You walked near the end of the runway where the microphone and stand stood.

“Boston, how are we feeling tonight?!” 

The crowd screamed you could feel the positive energy

“You guys seem like a cool crowd, I feel like I can be honest with you guys”   

The crowd cheered

“So as you know my parents got a divorce when I was younger. I had a Wii growing up it’s a whole Wiispiracy” you announced nonchalantly.

The crowd laughs at your joke.

“Seeing how love caused both of my parents to go through pain made me scared to fall in love” You continued. 

Even though you were playing cool Matt knew how deeply terrified you were when you guys started to date. Always looking over your shoulder, expecting Matt to break up with you if you made one small mistake. It was a rocky start in the beginning but now you guys have been going strong for a year. 

“Until I met a special someone. He dressed up as Batman for Halloween, I don’t want to talk about it” You murmured, thinking of Matt caused your cheeks to heat up. Especially when he was Batman!!!!

The crowd screamed

Matt looked a little flustered, but he couldn’t stop smiling no matter how hard he tried not to. 

“I know I said I would never write a love song… but I’m just a girl” you shyly said twirling your (H/C) hair.

The crowd roared so loud that Salem could hear it.

The brothers looked at each other shocked, In your whole career you never once wrote a love song, especially about any flings you were rumored to have had in the past. Matt’s heart swells. He jumps off his seat and starts to cheer louder than before. Both of his brothers are laughing at Matt's reaction. Though Nick and Chris acted like they were grossed out on the inside they were happy that Matt found someone who goes to great lengths to show and express how in love they are with Matt. 

Your guitarist was strumming a soft rhythm on her acoustic.     

When I was younger, I saw my daddy cry

And curse at the wind

You decided to write this song when Matt took you on a Mini-Golf date. It was the day after your third LA show. It was your free day before you had to be in Arizona. Matt cleared his whole schedule just to spend every second with you. Matt was showering you with compliments and affection on that day. You knew Matt was normally shy when it comes to PDA but not on that day, it got you giggling like a school girl.

That she would never let herself forget

And that was the day that I promised

I'd never sing of love if it does not exist 

You remember the exact moment when you saw yourself having a future with Matt. You guys had been dating for four months. You were hanging out in his room, lying on his bed while he lay on top of you, fast asleep, using your steady heartbeat as a lullaby. 

You saw how peaceful he looked, causing you to smile softly. You played with his hair delicately trying to not wake him up. The thought of waking up like this daily didn’t scare you like it did initially. 

But darling, you are the only exception

You are the only exception

You are the only exception

You are the only exception

Your dancers came out and started to slow dance with their assigned partners. When you decided to add this song to the Boston setlist (instead of randomly dropping it at 3 AM), you decided to shorten intermission but you told your dancers that they should still take that time to rest before the next performance. Instead, they said no and wanted to participate in that performance. 

And up until now I had sworn to myself

That I'm content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

As it was a brand new song you were the only one singing. You noticed some members of the audience were looking to either their partner,

friends or the special person with love in their eyes. You were glad your fans had found someone who made their lives happy. 

But you are the only exception

You are the only exception

You are the only exception

You are the only exception

Your eyes wandered over to the box seats where you saw the three goofballs. You pointed at your boyfriend who shyly smiled forming his hands into the shape of a heart (rare for him to do anything more than hand-holding in public). His brothers had to hold onto the back of his shirt as if he would fall.

When Matt comes to your show you forced yourself to NEVER look at him. You knew you would be distracted by his cuteness and would mess something up, so you always forced yourself to be busy once you were on stage.

I know you're leaving in the morning when you wake up

Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

You closed your eyes and grabbed the mic when you hit the high note. The crowd applauded and cheered.

“Sing it with me!” you invited. You threw your arms forward encouraging the crowd to sing along to the chorus.

You are the only exception

You are the only exception

You are the only exception

You are the only exception

You turned your back to the audience, gripping the mic in your hand. As the band kept playing you walked back to the main stage.

You stopped and looked over your shoulder bringing the mic back near your lips.

And I'm on my way to believing

Oh, and I'm on my way to believing

The music ended and you lowered your mic. The audience roared and applauded causing you to give a satisfied grin. Your eyes made their way back to the box seats, All three brothers were cheering you waved to Chris and Nick then blew a kiss to Matt just before the lights went out.   

Then you ran to change.

When the lights came back on, everyone turned their attention to Matt waving to him and thanking him. Matt didn’t want to steal your night, he pointed at the stage trying to turn the attention back to the stage.

~~~~~~~~~~

Once the attention was off of him, Matt slipped away with the bouquets of your favorite flowers which is something he always does when he goes to your shows.

He flashed the security guards his backstage badge, once he was clear Matt walked towards your dressing room. 

Knock Knock

“Wanda, I’m just putting my shoes on!” You yelled behind the door 

Matt rolled his eyes “This kid” he muttered before knocking again. 

Matt heard a soft come in and opened the door. He noticed that you were busy lacing up your Doc Martens to look at him, Matt was still filled with glee that he was too afraid to sound like an idiot to speak, so he decided to drink in your beauty. 

 You turned around to see your boyfriend “Hi, baby” you smiled, and Matt shyly presented you with the bouquet. Butterflies fluttered in your stomach a feeling you never want to get sick of.

You noticed Matt hasn’t said a single word since he came in causing your Anxiety to hit you like a bullet train. A tornado of negative thoughts spun into your mind.

Did he hate the song?But he looked excited when he was out there, was it an act?

This would’ve been the biggest slap in the face if he broke up with you just after you sang your heart out for him. 

You placed the flowers down at your makeup station before grabbing his hands “Matt what’s wrong, is it the song? Did you not like it? I know I should’ve talked to you about it but I-”

Matt cupped your cheeks and kissed you passionately, he learned very quickly that the makeup team hated fixing your smudged makeup. He still gets scared by the death stare they gave him. 

However, after this performance, he didn’t care. He loved you so much that he wanted to scream it to the world (even know they were already aware of it).

You both pulled away breathing heavily “I loved the song, beautiful” Matt assured causing a smile to fall on your lips. You brought him into a chaste kiss “I just wanted the world to know how much I love you!” You admitted, Matt brushed some hair behind your ear “Baby, that was the sweetest thing anyone has done for me” Matt assured, Your eyes grew hearts “Well you are the only exception” you chuckled.

Matt gave a light laugh before wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you in close. You wrapped your arms around his neck “And you’re mine” Matt sealed that promise with another kiss.

Matt’s lips trailed down to the sensitive part of your neck, you tilted your head to give him more access. A soft moan escaped your lips as you gripped the back of his hair. 

The door swung open causing the two of you to break away from each other. You both were facing a pissed of Wanda “You got to be kidding me” your manager scoffed, you glanced at your boyfriend both of your faces were red as a tomato as if you were two teenagers caught in your bedroom by your mom. 

Wanda pulled out her walkie talkie “Can we get makeup in (Y/N) dressing room?” Wanda sighed, Matt placed a gentle kiss on your knuckles. The makeup team groaned when they saw Matt, “Okay fix her makeup, and cover up that hickey!” Wanda ordered pulling Matt out of the room. 

Wanda dragged Matt back to the backstage entrance “The only reason why you're not dead is because you are (Y/N)’s boyfriend. But I promise, if I catch you back here before the show is over I’m going to be your worst nightmare, got it?” Wanda threatened her eyes full of rage, Matt nodded, his eyes full of fear. Wanda pointed at the two security guards “And if you two jackasses let him back here before the show is over imma fuck your day up, understand?!” Wanda threatened striking fear into the two enormous security guards. 

Wanda walked back to your dressing room muttering how men always ruin everything. 

Matt walked back to his seat shaking, part of him hoping that they were able to cover up that hickey but another part of him hoping they don’t so the entire stadium knows that he loved you and the song…but mostly you.

[thedyingwriter]

somethings that i needed to get out regarding today's episode:

9-1-1 live airs in the US around 7 am Friday in my country and i get to watch it at 10:30 am on disney hotstar.

I couldn't wait so i was awake all night and was literally on twt since 6:30 am to get some clips.

that's where i find out that bucktommy break up.

i have been devastated all day. i have cried multiple times and i have literally lost count atp. it hurts like an actual breakup and i have absolutely no one irl to share this grief with.

the Abby being the ex-fiance wasn't even a major issue. i have been seen it done so well in so many fics.

Josh's speech was so beautiful and important but then to pull a breakup like that makes no fucking sense.

after what we saw in 8x5 breaking them made absolutely zero sense.

i was too overwhelmed so i tried to sleep and actually watched the entire episode around 11 am. I wanted to keep and open mind and analyse the episode.

twt is literally so toxic rn. I'm not even opening it.

after watching the entire episode i was even more confused as the breakup made zero sense.

we have had 8 seasons of character growth for buck, if they end up making him go back to casual relationships it just feels a complete wastage of 8 seasons of growth.

and from what we've seen in the past episodes the breakup was completely uncharacteristic to both buck and tommy.

it made no sense. why would tommy put so much effort if he knew it wouldn't last.

him constantly showing up for evan and talking about family just made zero sense for him to break up like that.

also it kinda felt weird to bring moving in together before saying i love yous.

and the way he said "the parking spot was too good to be true". this breakup doesn't feel good at all. he was obviously in pain and so was buck. this isn't doing any of them any good.

utter bullshit.

plus the "I'll see you around buck" broke me. like why the fuck would you do that to me and to buck.

it felt like someone put fucking alcohol all over a stab wound and then rubbed salt all over it.

LOW BLOW.

now coming to the post ep interviews which btw made it worse.

i was still under the impression that the way the breakup happened there was still hope for reconciliation because remember even tarlos went through breakups.

but then lou confirmed he might not be back and that this is it. specially that buck line. UGH.

and that #letbuckfuck interview with oliver really triggered me. I'm a bisexual woman and the reason i really loved buck's discovery of his sexuality was bcs Oliver was very determined in Givin a good bi rep.

but this doesn't feel that way. he could have said that he wants to see buck explore his sexuality more with both men and woman but the whole "girl, girl, guy. guy, girl, guy" montage was a very disturbing image.

it feels very stereotypical and biphobic.

it just hurts me so much. idk why i expected so much from a network tv show who has been queerbating for years.

i am gonna be watching this season just to see how they salvage buck's relationship and sexuality. it feels incomplete.

but if it goes in the buck 1.0 direction that's it for me.

i watch 911 as an escape from reality and if it goes so bad i am not continuing with the show.

it has already tested my limits and mental health enough.

also i need to point out that there are a lot of people who enjoy watching sports a lot more than they enjoy playing it. buck is a watcher. he would have loved seeing the Lakers match. just bcs he doesn't like to play doesn't mean he hates basketball.

a little extra side notes-

really excited for another buckley han kid. hope they don't ruin it. want to see how they deal with ppd this time.

also happy for eddie and really hoping he gets chris back soon.

ya'll need to understand how platonic friendship buddie is also so important rn then them getting together bcs eddie is def not ready to date.

if he starts dating he'll feel super guilty for putting his desire above chris all over again.

ALSO FOR PEOPLE IN THE BACK- EDMUNDO DIAZ IS CANON STRAIGHT.

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

Just started playing Pokemon Go again and I was wondering, which of the skeletons would play? What kind of player are they?

Do they really want to catch them all, who’s only after shiny pokemons? Who sucks at it?

Just picturing the lazier ones just going around in a car instead of walking is really funny to me

Love your works, by the way 😘

Undertale Sans - He just started playing and somehow that lucky bastard has only shinies. Papyrus is losing his mind. Sans only has to take two steps out of the house to catch a random shiny Evee, just hanging there. He doesn't understand why everyone is so shocked. Isn't it how you play the game?

Undertale Papyrus - Papyrus has a small huge addiction to the game. He goes to run every morning to catch new Pokemon, he goes to random places the game tells him to go to catch rarer Pokemon and he's determined to catch them all. The problem is that his luck is so bad. He can catch 2000 Rattata in a row but not be able to catch the only different Pokemon showing up because his Pokeballs don't work. He's getting frustrated.

Underswap Sans - Blue is not exactly a good loser. And there's no way this arena is falling into the hands of some kids. His Pokemon are overpowered and he's so proud he's making all the neighborhood's kids give up on the game because it's impossible to beat him. Except that one time someone did and then Blue ragequitted the game, so mad. He reported them just because he could.

Underswap Papyrus - This is not a good game for Honey. Sure, it's fun to see him lazily ride his tricycle in the street looking for Pokemons until he sees one, forgets there's a sidewalk between him and that Pokemon, and then falls head first on the floor. He has the attention span of an oyster and can't drive and catch Pokemons simultaneously.

Underfell Sans - He played once, lost against a Rattata, classified it as "a game for the babies" and never touched it again. He's playing REAL games on his computer, games that he doesn't lose, actually. He loses interest right after for Pokemon Go.

Underfell Papyrus - He doesn't get it. What's the point to capture monsters virtually??? He can do that in real life and way better than these shitty games. Tiny balls to contain a giant whale, really? That's so unrealistic! He's going to show the dev how to capture things properly by capturing them all.

Horrortale Sans - Oh, a pretty bird, he wants that! But... Uh... After catching the pretty bird, he looked up and now he has no idea where the hell he is. Oak completely dissociated while chasing pokemon and now he's just lost in the middle of the forest. Maybe he should call Willow for help. Not sure "there's a tree" is a good indicator of where to search though.

Horrortale Papyrus - The notifications are stressing him and he can't walk too much outside anyway because of his painful back. So he opens the app and prepares to uninstall it. ... Wait, is that a shiny Charizard? OMG! HE NEEDS IT. And here he goes. He wants not to be addicted to that game but that's too late.

Swapfell Sans - Yes, he caught one of these things. Now what? He doesn't understand what is the point of the game. Why would you need to capture virtual creatures again and again? What do you even gain from this? You can't even train your creature properly! What's the point of catching wild animals if you can't use them as weapons? He's confused.

Swapfell Papyrus - Is he the only one realizing that the devilish app is just trying to make him do sports? Because he knows when someone tries to manipulate him. He's definitely not going to walk outside to catch Pokemon, he's taking Nox's car to do it without effort. See? He's more clever than the devs! What are you going to do now?

Fellswap Gold Sans - You think he has time in his day to think about that? Wine played for maybe 10 minutes, got bored, and never touched the app again. He doesn't have time for this and he's judging so hard anyone who has.

Fellswap Gold Papyrus - He wants to play the game, he really wants to, but his phone is too old to be compatible with the game. Coffee is just lying in bed, head faceplanted in the blanket, so frustrated about that. He's mad. Let him catch Pokemon...

[buddietommys]

"Why not?"

"I wish you were a girl."

[novadreii]

i just now realized why umbrella academy s4 feels so much worse than its previous seasons. it's trying to be the boys. it's going for shock value which, if you've seen the boys, is not really that shocking. and it's juxtaposing that with a cringefuckfest of an attempt at humor to try and make it a Dark Comedy. but all we have is a show that is trying to be both scandalous and funny at the same time, while failing at both. the writing and acting is so fucking bad! is everyone ok? there are 2 actors i like on this show (those of viktor and five) and even they are kind of lackluster this season? i will have to hatewatch this whole season.

nothing can be the boys a second time. there's better tv out there but the boys really did a good job nailing down dark comedy. in so many ways. it's a hard thing to do and umbrella academy thought it would try to capitalize on the trend without actually studying what makes dark comedy so good. it just feels like a m*rvel movie but with more gore and killing. boo.

[bitchfitch]

I've had to make a spreadsheet to keep track of the vignettes. and I'm pretty certain over half this book isn't going to be about Conall and Arlo. This format really gives me room to play with the whole time fuckery that happens around Arlo so the connections between sections are going to be more about themes vibes and flow than linear story progression. Like I'll make a key that sorts all 7 ish timelines linearly within themselves and another that sorts them all into one timeline. Because a good portion of these happen concurrently.

Like, A scene might play from Arlo's pov and ten sections later you'll get it from Conall's. and while that's happening the two different versions of Asena are both doing their own thing at that same moment.

Also there's 2 Asena's now. one of them isn't happy about it but the other doesn't know that other version of herself exists.

[isildheir]

Honestly, my abuser saying Louis was just as bad as Lestat or basically implying they hate how people write Lestat off as more abusive than he is or that Louis was just as abusive was a red flag I should've put a lot more stock into.

[wyniepooh]

Loving him was never enough

you don’t have what logan needs, but he still takes all that he can.

Cage fighter!logan x reader. Mentions of violence. Porn with a little bit of plot. mdni; 18+

thinking about being logan’s plaything in his cage fighting days.

It’s not uncommon for the fighters to have a beautiful girl around their arms as they enter the ring, and though Logan usually resists against the fan girls who clamour around him in a frenzy, he figures a sweet thing like you could only do him some good.

Not only does it piss the other fighters off, (they hate to see the king of the cage also have a pretty girl like you beside him) turns out, you’re not half bad for company either.

You’re an anxious little thing, brows furrowed and eyes teary before every match. Logan doesn’t bother telling you that he’ll be fine, that he’s going to win guaranteed, that his punch is as hard as metal. Literally.

He hates to admit it, but he finds it endearing, the way you’re so worried for him. through his nonchalant front, he still wipes away your tears with his large hands before every match and reassures you, cooing, “I’ll be fine. You’ll see.”

When logan gets in the ring, the fight goes exactly as he expects it to go. The other guy is destroyed before logan even shows his true strength. In a spiteful and humiliating position, the fallen guy comments something like, “I’ll fuck your pretty girlfriend dumb.”

Logan hears, of course, and though the guy is already bleeding and sprawled over the mat on the ground in a pathetic display, and though logan definitely didn’t consider you his girlfriend, he throws the announcer to the side and pounces. Through gritted teeth and a bleeding forehead, he catches your eye, shaking his head lightly before knocking the other guy out.

You wait for him in the small public washroom afterwords, arms crossed and pouting. As Logan approaches the door and sees your stiff pacing around the room, he knows you’re mad. And he knows it won’t stay that way.

“‘was so worried, logan,” you practically run towards him, “why’d you have to go after him like that? he could’ve really hurt you.”

He scoffs and flashes you the fresh wad of cash. “Hurt me? Please.”

He stays still for as long as he can bear while you dab at the wound on his head with your sleeve, silently hoping you wouldn’t notice the red cut slowly healing by itself. When you try to touch his face, to run a finger down his cheek and his stubble, he grabs your wrist harshly to stop you.

You’re confused, confused as to why he allows you to trail along to his every fight and wipes your tears with such a gentle hand, but refuses to let you in. He doesn’t give you much time to think, though, because as soon as you part your lips to speak, he’s picking you up from under your arms and sitting you down on the cold sink counter.

there’s an aggressive desperation behind his kiss, probably produced by the adrenaline of the recent fight and triggered by the soft whine he heard from you when his teeth knocked against yours. His hand reaches down between your legs and drags your panties to the side, and before long, you’re biting his shoulder and mumbling, “‘gonna cum, logan, please, let me cum.”

He does, drawing out your short orgasm with a few more pumps of his fingers and a graze over your clit. When he’s done, you’re practically already numb, head limp on his shoulder as you hear the metal clinking of his belt.

“You want this?” He asks, holding your head up by your chin as he tilts his head and raises his brows. “You want me?”

You nod feverishly, half-lidded eyes flickering as you breathe, “yes, logan. need you.” Your head falls back against the mirror, and he looks down with a grin at the sight in front of him.

he hooks his arms around your knees to bring you closer before you take him to the hilt in one go, burying a mewl into his shoulder as you wrap your legs around his waist. The first thrust burns, always does, but only he can make you forget the pain in an instant. Soon, your hands are tangled in his hair, his beard is rubbing against your neck, and you’re begging, “please, lo, need it so bad. “ Logan fucks exactly like how he fights, thrusting into you so sharply your ass is sliding back on the metal counter with each movement of his hips.

He’s done this enough times to know what makes you whine and dig your fingernails into his back, but he still demands, every time, “that feel good, baby? you like that?” Of course, you don’t have to answer for him to know that it does, that it does feel good, so incredibly good, and that he’s hitting all the right spots in the body only he knows so well.

You aren’t the only one filling the room with lewd noises. Logan is panting too, the echoes of his each and every grunt reflecting off of every corner in the room and into your ear. It only makes your cheeks flush hotter, only encourages your hips to move more eagerly to match his pace.

It’s always when he’s just about there that Logan pulls back and looks down at where the two of you are connected, slowing down his strokes to slowly watch his bulging cock sink deep into your slopping cunt.

It’s the only opportunity with logan that you get to really look at him, to see the raw expression of euphoria on his face, teeth bared and mouth open. Some strands of previously gelled hair are stuck to his forehead with sweat, and his eyes rolling back with each press of his pelvis. Your eyes trace the sweat on his shoulder, the hair on his chest peaking from behind his white wife-beater, and the vein on his stomach that connects to the one on his dick.

You gaze flickers back at his face, and you extend a hand to guide his head towards you. He tries to turn away, as usual, and you hate that you know he’s holding back; limiting the noises he’s making, the pace he’s taking.

“Just use me, Logan. I know you want to,” you plead against his lips, inhaling a gasp as you press your lips onto his. You expect him to pull away, to push your head to the side and focus on finishing the other task at hand, but this time, he only pulls you closer, one hand around your waist and the other on the back of your head. He doesn’t give you much time to be shocked before he resumes his previous pace, drilling into you with the same vigor, albeit a bit more sloppy than before.

Logan pulls back to catch his breath, and at the same time, you clench tightly around him. A low groan escapes him, a noise so animalistic and fervent that you reach your high right then and there, shrieking as your legs begin to shake.

He’s close too, you can feel it in his breathing, so you let him fuck you beyond your orgasm, even if it’s getting to be too much and you’re losing your thoughts by the second.

“nobody— ah— fucks my girlfriend,” he suddenly growls, lifting you up from under your arms and shoving you against the tiled wall. He squeezes your cheeks, forcing you to look into his hazel gaze as he spits, “n-nobody fucks you like I do.”

He plummets into you deep, leaning his lips in and making you swallow one last groan of his before you feel his warm release fill your insides.

When he’s done, Logan is supporting all your weight, your limp arms splayed around his sweaty back. You whimper at the emptiness as he pulls out, feeling his cum languidly drip down your inner thighs.

You’re too exhausted to realize what he just said, to react to what he just referred to you as, and as the fog of pleasure slowly unclouds Logan’s head, he’s glad he fucked you stupid enough to forget.

-

a/n: anyone else feel like they’re incapable of writing good smut? Hey Google how many other synonyms could there possibly be of the word ‘thrust’?

[lymtw]

Aftercare with Toji, where after all the roughness and manhandling is over with, he can't take his eyes off of you. All he cares about is making sure that you're not in excruciating pain, yet he hasn't been able to say a word for the past five minutes. You've pressed so many tender kisses to his face and expressed that you're okay enough times to him, but he can't seem to drop the smallest, lingering coil of guilt he feels at the sight of your scuffed up body. You look like you fought off a bear and ripped octopus tentacles off your skin—simultaneously, with all the scratches, bruises, and hickeys that littered you from your jaw to your ankles.

"Quit staring," you say, bringing your knees up and crossing your arms, your hands gripping your biceps.

"Nah- baby..." he finally says, softly, like he's quickly trying to justify the gaze he had set on you. "Come here."

Toji makes quick work of crushing this wave of insecurity that threatens your peace. He knows what you just endured was not the softest experience, and that you practically let him—a man capable of showing the aggression of a pack of wolves, devour you. Really, he did not hold back at all.

You slide down the bed and pull the covers over your body, laying your head on his chest with an arm thrown over his midsection. He pulls you close with an arm wrapped around your shoulder, and kisses the top of your head. "You know I love you, right, mama?"

"Mhm," you hum. Minutes ago you would have thought those words were a cruel joke being played on you with the way he gripped onto you like he wanted it to hurt.

"Wasn't trying to hurt your feelings by staring at you like that. Just did a lot of damage, this time, and it looks like it hurts... a lot."

"I'm fine," you repeat, for the nth time. You look up at him, briefly, sparing a smile before resting your cheek on his chest again. "A hot shower will melt it all away, I promise," you mumble.

He brushes over one of the many stains he left on the side of your neck. "My little trooper," he sighs, very much relaxed by your side. "You know i'd be proud even if you told me you were hurting." He knows it'll take more than a shower to get all these new semipermanent tattoos off your pretty skin, but for the sake of not making you feel small, again, he shuts up about it.

"I know," you assure. "I just don't wanna burden you. You're probably just as tired, if not more."

"What do you need?"

You lift your head again and look at him, confusion filling out your features. "You heard me, didn't you? I can take care of myself."

"I know that, and I don't doubt it for a second, but you're really gonna reject me?" He hisses, dramatically clutching his chest. "Damn, mama, just like that?"

"Well, no. Of course not-"

"Right. Of course not," he says, with that horrible tendency he has of cutting you off when the situation benefits you. "Gonna ask you one more time, and if you don't answer, i'm just gonna do what I want for you. What do you need?"

You had to think about it for a minute, about how you wanted him to help you. Independence shone through your thoughts. Everything he could help you with, you could also do alone. You didn't want to be needy.

"Five..." He's timing you, now. "Four..." The countdown has your brain scrambling to pick something. Anything, but you're blanking, losing second by second the already little time you were gifted. "Three... it shouldn't be this hard," he teases, a smirk on his face.

"I don't know, um."

"Two... you're gonna lose the option of telling me what to do, doll."

"No- I don't know."

"One." The countdown ends. "Alright," he groans, pulling you up with him as he sits up. "Let's go."

–

Sure enough, once the lukewarm water hit your skin, you gained a burst of energy. You made the washing of your body an amusing, yet tedious task for Toji. With all your little excitement fueled dances and laughter, what should have been a ten minute session turned into a twenty minute one.

"Doll, turn around. Let me get your back," Toji says, holding back a grin at the sight of you trying to soothe the burning sensation you feel in your nose after inhaling water.

You turn your back to him, before jovially turning to face him again. "Joking, joking," you say, when you catch his lidded eyes. You quickly turn your back to him, again, with giggles slipping past your lips.

He sighs, unable to hold back the gentle curl of his lips any longer. "What am I gonna do with you?" He lathers you from the nape of your neck to your lower back, with soap. The contrast of the white foam and the darkened stains on your skin, were enough to have him thinking about what ended just a little over half an hour ago. There wasn't a spot on you that didn't have some mark of his on it. Your shoulder blades and spine were mottled with stains of his lips, and your hips had opaque fingerprints on them.

You winced and took a step forward, away from Toji's touch, successfully pulling him out of his zoned out state. "You're scrubbing the scratches too hard," you say, turning to him while running your hands over the tender skin.

"Shit," he gently pulls you back and turns your back to him again, "sorry, princess." A few soothing kisses are pressed into the strikes, enough of them to make you forget that it even stung in the first place. He makes sure his mind stays out of the gutter, at least until he's done washing you, so that he doesn't hurt you again.

After showering, you stayed in bed while Toji went to the kitchen to make some tea for you. He did this for you after every night of intimacy, to expedite the betterment of your exhausted throat. He also knows of the calming properties that ease you into slumber. He wants nothing more than for you to sleep off the soreness your body retains.

"There you go, baby. I know you don't like it, but it'll make your throat feel better, so you have to drink the whole thing." He settles down next to you, on his side of the bed and watches you sip on the steaming hot drink.

The familiar scrunch of your nose appears at the taste that hits your taste buds, a sight that Toji has started looking forward to. "I hate the flavor just a little more every time I drink it. Oh well," you say, taking another sip, ignoring the scalding heat that embraces your tongue.

"I know. It sucks," he says, pressing a kiss to your temple. "Hopefully, next time we choose correctly and get something you'll like."

You set the mug down on the nightstand and turn to him. With warm hands, you cup his cheeks and tilt his head up slightly.

"What?" He asks, his eyes directed towards you.

Your smile evolves into a short giggle as you stare at one pinpointed spot on the side of his neck. "I got you, too. Right..." you drag a finger down his neck, gently pressing on the dark spot you left on him. "...here."

His hand tracks your touch and replaces it with his own, feeling the mark. "Damn right, you did. You got me, baby," he says through a grin. "My turn?"

You sigh, with faux irritation. "Fiiine."

"Let's see..." He cups your cheeks the way you did his. "I got this whole area here." His thumb brushes over your jawline, dragging beneath it to where the marks end. "Then there's this entire patch right here." He turns your head, exposing the reddish-purple splotches on the side of your neck to the light. His eyes trace the slope that leads to your shoulder, spotting the marks that remain visible beneath the collar of your shirt. He coordinates his touch with his sight, dragging his fingers over your delicate skin. "Right here," he says, after pulling the collar of your shirt down your shoulder, revealing more of his marks.

"Okay, okay. You win," you say fixing your shirt, covering up again.

"There's one right there," he continues, tapping the column of your neck. "Some more there," his finger glides over your left collarbone.

"Toji, I swear, if you point out one more, i'm gonna bite your finger off."

He stares at you silently, the corners of his lips twitching as you watch him, intently. After a few seconds, he slowly starts directing his finger towards a mark on your chest. Once he makes contact with your skin, he gently presses on the smear of color that marks it, still holding eye contact with you. "Here, too."

You swat his hand away from you, and huff. "Why did I even try to threaten you? You want me to bite your finger off, huh?"

"Not in the slightest. I just knew you weren't actually gonna do it, so I pushed it."

You cross your arms. "Whatever. I'm just gonna put a hoodie on so you can't look at them anymore."

"Woah, baby, put down the knife," he says, hands up in playful surrender. "No need to take drastic measures over this. Don't hide all my hard work."

"Hard work," you mutter, an incredulous scoff following.

Toji's gaze falls on your lips. "You're pouting like you wanna be kissed," he teases.

"And you're... you're being annoying," you say, covering your mouth with your hand, concealing the involuntary lift of your lips.

"Yeah, but you still want me to kiss you," he says, with a sly, knowing smirk on his face. "Look at you. Look at that blush. Even your knuckles are red, doll."

"Oh my god..." you groan with embarrassment. You use both hands to cover your entire face, now.

He chuckles, pulling you into his arms. "You're so pretty, ma. A total work of art." His hands have never gotten lost on you, but for now, in any way he holds you, he'll be able to see the trails his lips left behind.

"Stop..." you mumble, smiling softly at the sweetness poured into his words.

"You look mine, with all these marks," he says, pulling down the collar of your shirt a little, to see the blots of color that appear at the start of your spine.

"Shut up," you say, blushing furiously against his chest.

"Sounds like you still want that kiss, huh?"

"Not anymore," you say, lifting your gaze to meet his. The look in your eyes betrays every ounce of your denial. Toji can very clearly tell that you're lying.

"Those rosy cheeks are saying something else," he says, grinning. "Damn, look at those pretty lips. They're ready for me."

"If you want to kiss me, just say so," you chide, lightheartedly.

"I'm gonna kiss you so hard, doll," he says, cupping your cheeks again. "Your lips lack a little more of me."