#this shouldn't make me feel old
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It hasn’t been three years...
It can’t have been three years...
Yet it has been three years.
three years since 7x05
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seeing non-black people critique rick's portrayal of black characters is interesting sometimes. only like 30% of the critiques I see make any sense to me to be honest
#��rick made carter be an elvis presley fan that's fucked up!” is a real thing I just read#do you think black people can't enjoy elvis even though he appropriated black culture for personal gain#boy you would not like what I have to tell you about eminem. or kpop. or anything else bc black culture has been#appropriated by like everyone forever. are black people not allowed to enjoy iggy or ariana or billie or [the list goes on]#I myself am not biracial but I /mostly/ like carter and sadie (specifically carter who isn't white-passing) as black representation#the part where carter feels indignant that he has to hold himself to a higher standard because the world is harsher on black boys#did genuinely resonate with me when I first read that part as a child and it still does to this day#can we talk about how rick knows nothing about black hair instead#or how hazel is from the jim crow era and seems to not have one single thought about race in the modern era#or hazel's horror over the amazons keeping slaves but “no they're not slaves they just like it that way 🥰”#my problems with hazel are not at all about stereotypes I just don't buy her as an authentic portrayal of a black girl from the 1930s#don't get me started on beckendorf. does every black character need to die a violent horrible death rick#anyways this isn't intended to make anyone feel bad but we need more meaningful nuance in critiques beyond “hey that's a stereotype! bad!”#if you can't discern and communicate WHY it's bad then you're not saying anything of substance#is it a caricature? is it uninformed/underresearched? are all the characters from that group being represented in that way?#is the stereotype itself a degradation of that group? is it being played for laughs? is the character a one-dimensional stereotype?#what can we glean about the biases of the author/narrative and their worldview through their portrayal of certain groups in the text?#a big part of literary analysis and critique is not only pointing out The Thing. you need to also say something about The Thing#like if you have a black character say they like hiphop then sure it's a “stereotype”. but lots of black people do like hiphop#it's an important part of black american culture and portraying that in media isn't racist by default#and in fact lots of poc keep parts of themselves quiet for fear of being perceived as a “stereotype” when we shouldn't have to do that#BUT if you're doing it like jonah wizard was written in the 39 clues then that's where we've got a problem bc wtf was that rick#that was so racist oh my god I was like 11 years old reading that 😭 and then he had the white mc poke fun at him for being a gangster#and him being a ��gangsta” was always played for laughs throughout the story#not being pro-rick here as I'm a big fan of critical riordan reading just being pro-thoughtful critiques because some of you guys actually#sound a wee bit ignorant when saying things like what was mentioned in the first tag#baye.txt#pjo hoo toa#rr crit#<- tagging that just for. well the tags basically
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oh. mobius loving loki as death loves everything. he's been here since the beginning of time and his work is all he's ever known and he spends eons watching variants get pruned and he feels like the only one who cares. then he meets a definitely-not-analyst who knows him and is desperate for him to say that he knows them too and even after they erase his memories over and over he remembers it deep down and he dedicates himself to loki variants and feels sad, is sadness when they get pruned. no there's no justice or comfort, there's just the tva but he cares the most about ppl dying, he cares so much about loki's fate and he sticks his neck out several times just so they can live and it's making me think of death taking no pleasure in his job. of death knowing there's no such thing as justice and hating the world for it anyway. you must learn compassion to be death. mobius loves like death.
#tj said mobius loves like a researcher desperately trying to make ppl care abt a dying species and i have been foaming at the mouth ever#since they r literally insane for saying that to me#im reading mort rn im so emotional#he saved two kittens and he got angry abt them!!! he shouldn't have feelings yet he think a 15 year old girl dying is unfair and he has to#go on a little walk to process sadness#'i am sadness' 'there's no justice. there's just me' my sweet bbg#loki series#mobius m mobius#loki#lokius#loki season 2
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and I think child modelling should be illegal I'm not even joking
#I dodged it but like it truly felt like we were pigs raised to slaughter. slaughter being prostitution#every little detail I remember now as adult with basic child psychology education from my teacher background is just. how#I'm not brave enough to say 'jail to mother' (yet) but honestly...#what wrong could come from making a bunch of girls used to lying about their age ignoring being made uncomfortable and disrespected#especially by adults who can make all sorts of rules and claims on their bodies and schedules that are treated as secrets#I had the best experience possible and I am certain I did get pimps approaching me my mother and contractors#and even then I felt very weird that I was often sent to nightclubs that only allowed adults as clients but since I was there to get on#stage as work then I could get in and actually I got instructed to keep on 'vip areas' that typically had a lot more drugs circulating#the heels the clothing and makeup I got put on were also so wrong#I didn't hate it at the time some things made me uncomfortable but I liked dancing I liked fashion and I liked how the fact I was 'making#money' made me more respected in my house and I started getting more independence (that I probably shouldn't have been given either)#but ugh the existing photographs already make me want to throw up and I am glad there aren't photographs of the worse 'dance' jobs I did#very strange little universe#I also feel like I was the only girl that didn't have an eating disorder but mostly cuz I already had problems with alcohol that did the jo#but also I got in much older than the other girls and out pretty fast#crazy that 13 is old but like you genuinely hear of 6 year old who are responsible for a considerable portion of the household income#YIKES#the compliments I got on managing to look older and 'being so mature'. yikes#anything that allows a child to be the one making most of the family's income is a receipt for disaster#.txt
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contemplating deleting my blog soon I might make a new blog but idk
#.bdo#i just need to work on some insecurity issues is all. been on a long self journey this year#can't shake the feeling that every time i say anything it's wrong somehow#and there is some reality to that. i have been wrong several times I've even been downright mean to people over misunderstandings#i just haven't been able to break out of the habit of feeling permanently embarrassed about every small mistake I've ever made#& old insecurities from my childhood are resurfacing#like when i was a kid/teen and no one would ever tell me when i was breaking social cues but they'd make fun of me behind my back#i have 3200 followers and most of my posts get 0 notes sometimes i get 1-5 so it makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong#i end up deleting a lot of them...#almost every post of mine that's gone viral was just a screenshot or picture saved from somewhere else....#and the times that i have gotten attention over a post that stands up for people who aren't like me it makes me terrified#that i look like i'm trying to play a savior role or like i'm virtue signaling#i have a few good mutuals who i love so much and that's why I'm still here#it's also the only social media i use currently#but it does really hurt when i put a lot of thought into something like spending hours making a funny meme or a thoughtful post#just to find out that the only people who find them interesting is my extremely small circle on here if anyone at all#it's so dumb i shouldn't be feeling like this over fucking numbers....it's not even real#i find a little bit of (petty) solace in the fact that there are people on here who are loudly and repeatedly saying way more embarrassing#shit than I've ever said#but even then when i know someone is absolutely wrong it makes me feel nervous like what if im the next person to fuck up that bad#and i find out through public ridicule#well that actually kinda did happen on here once but not on that scale#last year i sent someone something i thought was funny and they sent back an 'ok'#and then immediately made a huge long post about how you shouldn't talk to strangers like you're already friends#called it parasocial behavior...got tens of thousands of notes and i knew it was about me...#i wholeheartedly agree some people go too far with parasocial behavior but i never fully understood what part of what i said/did was wrong#and i went back to feeling like the kid who never found out they were doing something wrong until they heard that they got made fun of#i don't even attempt to make new friends on my own on here anymore because i'm terrified of that happening again#almost all of the people I've become friends with on here came to me first and i love and appreciate them for that#but even then i feel too nervous to socialize that often bc i never find out/realize that i fuck up until later on
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i personally think there was no need to make remarks about age
#i dont need to feel any more ashamed about this when i shouldn't feel ashamed about this in the first place#because three years is not a HUGE difference. it IS an age gap but it isn't a GIGANTIC red flag-waving age gap.#but i guess for a guy it is if the girl is older#but anyway man it was comment after comment line after line and i felt like i was standing in front of a firing squad#not gonna lie my whole chest literally hurts when i think about it too deeply!#i have literally never been told before that i'm not an option because i'm too old#i also personally (and this is a bit bitter of me to say so maybe) i resent the fact that he did take the time to tell me that he was not#personally attracted to me. and then add at the end of the conversation that if i were younger he'd consider it#like. you literally told me you don't like me that way and aren't attracted to me that way#so the only reason you'd consider me as an option really is the fact that you know I'M interested in you ????#anyway makes me want to throw up:)#the waiting room chapter
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retail would be pretty good, if only certain old men were banned from interacting with other human beings
#personal#i honestly enjoy it#i like being able to help someone figure out what they need (and not what the company wants me to sell)#(also the way some people's eyes shine when i say that “that's my recommendation and not the company's” is really nice)#(makes me want to learn everything correctly so i can help them the best way)#i like being useful even for something that feels so simple#but certain old men shouldn't be allowed out in public#the rare old man that's polite is a god among them
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somewhere running about in sydney is the guy who got absolutely destroyed on live tv about punishing kids (michael) for wearing the wrong socks. and idk i just think about it from time to time
#i know people who know him too that's the awkward part#referring to the sunrise interview they brought their old teacher in#meanwhile ashton is like 'you don't even know me'#the whole thing was a disaster. but schools shouldn't make kids wear specific socks and just. not treat them well til they succeed#and pretend they were backing them all along yk? idk exactly what went on but this story has happened 1000 times.#reasons to support#youthlib#michael clifford#5 seconds of summer#5sos#ashton irwin#luke hemmings#calum hood#sunrise#not me trying to tag the news program just to see:#sunrise in sydney#like using that tag feels blasphemous here
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i was clearing out my notes app (because finally getting a new phone yay!) and this entry from 2022 is so heartbreaking
#2 years and 1 even worse situationship later im still too much i still want too much need too much have there are claw marks#jn everything that ive been forced to let go of lol#saving this for later so hopefully idk 2 more years later someday ill be just enough for somebody#there's a whole list of reasons titled ' why we shouldn't get back together' my heart breaks for younger me#i mean i know i was still quite old at 19 but it was first ever heartbreak for me and i was so dilgent in getting over it#i kinda think that was the healthiest grieving ive done for a person not like perfect because i still fuckef up#and failed my exams and fell 6 months behind but still i let myself FEEL#all these recent ones are just one layered on top of another i see something that reminds me of someone and i break down lol#i begged and begged for a new phone but wow this phone has soo many memories it's been with me#from july 2020. lmao lasted longer than pretty much all my relationships#baby me made such a compelling argument logical fact based about why we shouldn't get back together#i used to be so earnest and obsessed with making myself better maybe it was self centered but it was better than#the self loathing dirtbag ive become. what happened to u girl#save
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Honestly at this point starting to feel I've managed to miss Jason's characterization while he was alive because he really really does not and has never seemed especially angry to me, but the comics are trying to hammer it in so much, it's like all they mention is his anger and impulsiveness and his death but like??
I can never remember jaybin (<-is that what we call jason robin for short?) being like that, certainly not to the extent they're always saying, to me his anger wasn't that much, and it pretty much matched with batman's, it wasn't greater than anyone else's, and it just felt like general new hero anger, I cannot stress enough just how off all these flashbacks and talking about him feel wrong to me
#dc liveblog#anger was like the last part of the story and All they talk about too. why can't they say anything else at all#i know he was the lonely robin but cmon man#crying screaming turning into dust emoji#he wasnt angrier than those around him. his impulsiveness while there wasnt stand out. his violence wasnt something looked on with concern#instead of reminding us about jason and how batman failed him all these flashbacks and mentions are just making me feel like#they didn't know anything about him and are projecting failure and only see faults#its weird#i figure reading precrisis first is affecting how i percieve him but i dont mind that i think his character shouldn't fully change after#still feel like im missing something though#like all they talk about is his anger all they say about him is his anger all they remember about him is his anger#and he was a 14 year old that at the very most was equal to the grown man in a bat costume when it came to anger#who was the person he was closest too#ive not gotten to the red hood yet and im not saying he was right. but i understand his perspective
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Instagram keeps showing me reels of someone with a handle named something like jamesmaythristtraps and like, they are truly doing gods work but I can't like or comment on these masterpieces because I know what kind of snitch of an app it is 😔
#well atleast now I have figured out how to keep myself warm in upcoming winter months#no but#how do people handle their relatives following them online#????????#pretty recently friend of a friend was like “oh what's your insta =)??”#and its like#I have four posts and one of those is mf rick astley should I be explaining myself ??#banging my head against the table like why couldn't I just get my fangirling on for bts or something#or maybe more like out of all the 80s acts why did I fall hard for the one who is memed to death#I mean okay rickrolling can be funny#and he looked goofy there#top tier Tintin cosplay#even with my attraction to James its like#I feel like I should be explaining myself because he's old#and most likely not what when people think about male celebrities people drool over ...#maybe shamed myself into thinking “I shouldn't be attracted to this” “this is abnormal so it must be wrong”#I mean tons of girlies like men like him#but then I see guys my age say things like “I should go to the gym so women would pay attention to me”#or putting weird flexing photos on their dating profiles (not even just flexing with their muscles but like cars or watches... or fish...)#like I don't care about your boring ass new volkswagen ????#and in that case it wasn't even just one photo... I don't care for new cars they all look the same :-/#it just makes me go ? am I supposed to be attracted to this ?#is this the norm??#why can't I be normal aaaa#so in conclusion#I'm deeply ashamed of my interests and attractions lol#hopefully I will someday grow out of this#all the peer support is welcomed on this post lmao
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Wdym Flavio called himself a democratic dictator, and said that he's pulling all the strings behind the scenes(x)
#idk how to describe it but. a lot of the tps now act pretty ruthless#but theres just something sooooo palpably different hearing an old school f1 guy talk#it feels like they're on a whole other level. at least to me !#that interview is so fascinating though#how he sees his role#as this kind of underboss#he doesnt want to be tp bcs thats too much. but he still wants to make all the decisions#i guess to me it often felt like most tps had an iron grip on what their teams did#but is he just outside of the formal structure? or is this the norm for all teams#since he said tp and td are to implement what he wants. not make decisions#democratic dictator.....#i guess i shouldn't be too surprised his role in the team is way bigger than the title makes it seem#i mean 'executive advisor to the ceo' gives off advisory not dictorial#though frankly its better for the image of the team for him to be behind the curtain and not representing them out front#considering um. everything.#flavio briatore#f1
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Human pet guy showed up on my dash again (via puppy play sick skateboard tricks post) and I decided to look at what he was up to these days, and
what do you mean he was born in 1995?
#kai rambles#human pet guy#on one hand it kinda makes sense in that he was like 22 or something when he made the original human pet post#like if he was a 22 year old inexperienced with pet play i can somewhat see how you could end up making that post#maybe you could get your wires that tangled up about it if you've never actually done it#and then like you finally get to try it and suddenly all of that bullshit is dispelled#also you can be a pretentious little dumb dumb about it when you're 22 you know? let me write as if im always talking down to someone#on the other hand#the guy still believes it#he's still salty about people not getting where he was coming from#he still thinks he's right#and like maybe that's because he's still never got to do pet play in real life but that feels like a mean assumption#and a little lazy and bad faith you know?#especially considering he believes even weirder things now like that gen z boys who voted for harris should now be concubines for the#''victors of the election'' and that this is how it's always been until CHRISTIANITY TAUGHT PEOPLE BETTER#absolutely insane thing to say and honestly i could break down that entire post because boy howdy is it a ride#also he believes something to do with trump experimenting with ways to trap people in crystals?#like that's a facebook ass conspiracy#which hence would imply he's older#the way he talks also just reminds me of jordan peterson#but jordan peterson isn't only 5 years older than me#id assumed he was older because of his cadence and vernacular#but no#he's not even 30#im just rambling in the tags here because i just. like i oft talk in a kinda pretentious manner so i know that's not a thing unique to older#folk and that this shouldn't be tripping me up so much but it's just like.#he was younger than me when he made the original human pet guy post#that's wild#you know who he reminds me of?#whatifalthist on youtube
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I've been thinking abt my critter dupes some more and it was all fun and games until I remembered that I made Mi-ma a beeta and hm. Whoops. Uh oh. (<- Considered the implications for more than 2 seconds)
#rat rambles#oni posting#it's not Too bad. shes fine. but hoo boy. the images my mind showed me were not fun.#it's ok she just needs to keep being the farmer cook that she is and gather stuff for her fellow dupes and itll all be fine#Id provide further context but then itd become too clear what Im talking abt so how abt I dont#its ok shes ok nothing bad happens to her shes just a bit quirky thats all#and even if things did go a lil wonky it wouldnt be irreversible just a bit of an issue for a bit#shes just a silly billy who's genetic makeup is a series of contradictions and anomalies#I also have it as a thing where most of the colony see her as like a baby sister since she was the first duplicant printed after quinn left#so the dupes who were already there were like oh shit there's a new one and quinn isn't here to help them adjust we have to do a good job#in their place and make sure she feels the security they helped us feel while we built this colony together#and meanwhile mi-ma was just sitting there having the joints of an 80 year old woman and the energy of a young and spry bee#some of the younger dupes in that colony actually dont like her much because they see her as kind of spoiled#liam and leira especially constantly give her gifts and let her do things she rly shouldn't do#they eventually get better abt it when it actually starts to threaten her physical well-being but it sort of starts to swing in the other#direction after a while with leira especially being rly obsessive with making sure shes not doing anything that could cause health issues#ada has some light beef with mi-ma but she starts to turn around on her a bit once she learns abt some of the stuff shes gone through#after a lil while they get to be bug buddies who are experiencing joy and whimsy together watching paint dry or smth idk
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*blows a kiss in the vague direction of switzerland* for Frida
#too gay to sleep#too sleepy to do work#the undone work fills me with anxiety#the anxiety makes me skip things i shouldn't skip#the things i should be doing make me feel guilty#at the end of all this#what can one do besides hyperfixate on a nearly-80 year-old princess#anni frid lyngstad
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tw ed in the tags !!
#im feeling sooo awful abt my body today its crazy#i dont wanna relapse but also i have prom and grad coming up so its very very tempting#silly side note but ive been friends w some moots on edtwt longer than I've known some of my irls and that's crazy to me#anyway i was looking at tweets of me being so majorly uber excited abt final hitting 45 kg T-T like man omfg#feb 23 me was the skinniest id ever been and i was thriving !!#and i highkey wanna be that again#was my hair thinning and did my face look so gaunt it scared me at times? yes#did i also feel my prettiest + have the most external validation from strangers etc ever? also yes !!#i feel fat and ugly rn but I'm also just very averagely weighted#but i have a naturally broader built but i feel like i look bigger even if I'm not ?? 9ufdkjhjs#anyway its scary looking through old tweets bc I'm talking abt skipping lunch like everyday and stuff like that's scary !! don't do that#but also it makes me wanna do it again like if i could look like that again... id genuinely kill myself for it#i was kinda also p healthy back then LOL only ate god food#cardio every evening + muscle training every morning#anyway teehee thats all i very much dislike my body rn and i hope i can lose a bit so i don't feel like dying <3#i have hope bc im only 5kg off what i used to be so !! shouldn't be too hard yaaya if i can just get back in the 40s ill be happy like a 47#i got this !! hopefully will not destroy myself in the process yay#tw ed
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