#this should not be happening to me!!!!!!
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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Dentist today. Crying screaming and throwing up
#this should not be happening to me!!!!!!#he only has a short appointment available so i think they’re just going to slap some composite on it and send me on my way#which…… fine. i don’t care anymore#i just don’t want to be in pain#in a way i’m kind of relieved because it means my friend can’t come over#i’m trying to help her with something but all of the dates she has for when stuff happened are pretty wrong according to my records#(which i trust because they come from stuff like timestamped images and phone call logs)#(whereas hers come from her going ‘well i think THIS happened after THAT but i’m not sure so i’ll just ascribe a random date to it’)#and also i feel like she’s trying to twist some of her recollections so that they back up HER recollections#but sometimes it’s totally unrelated but she Wants it to be related so she’s trying to claim i heard something i couldn’t have heard#i had to tell her like 3 times that i wasn’t in the country on this date i was supposed to be at her house#so it’s all just really frustrating#so yeah she wanted to come over here and complain and i was like no this is the last thing i need#i’m trying to redo my nails for god’s sake#oh my nail polish came off in the bath lol 🥲#like fully peeled. never had that happen before#i do think it was a combination of things. 1) used a dodgy old sally hansen strengthener on my bare nails#2) next layer was a holo taco base coat which always seem to be a Bit peely#even if not actually a peely base#3) i only had a thin layer of mooncat polish on. just 2 coats#4) top coat was glossy taco. my polish had been on maybe an hour and i proceeded to get in the bath and submerge myself#it was a ridiculously hot bath too so i’m not surprised my polish lifted#but now i need to paint my nails again and i need to get to the dentist and then i need to get some work done this afternoon#i don’t have time to explain that i was not here in february 2021#personal
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that moment when you cross the point of no return with a character should be accompanied by a specific chime i think. like 🔔 congratulations! this one has been installed in the Permanent Collection and you will never stop thinking about them as long as you live
#that just happened to me in real time btw#they should maybe also consider a warning tone#unfollow that tag and log off right now or that's it for you. no going back. you're gonna name a pet after this one someday#i headcanon'd too close to the sun#containment breach
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i would say that, mentally speaking, i'm in a good place right now! physically of course, the crows continue their chanting,
#'weaving spells with beaks and talons' whatever u wanna call it. sounds like chanting to me#anyway yes. that is a thing that is happening#yes i am aware of it. stop asking.#am i taking steps to stop this thing from happening? how. how the fuck do u suppose i should go about doing that?#yea i've done some dumb shit in my life#no i am NOT about to go INTERFERING with the CROWS
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I think people sometimes misunderstand why we come up with such elaborate justifications for shipping two characters together. I don't justify my ships because I feel that I need to; I justify my ships because squinting at the published canon with furrowed brow and asking myself "okay, how exactly would this work?" is my idea of a good time.
#life#fandom#fanfic#shipping#canon#contemplative beard-stroking may also prove constructive should one happen to be equipped to do so#it's not about being right#it's about the fact that you can't prove me wrong
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Mr D insisting that Percy's name is Peter and immediately afterwards yelling at the demigods to get the hell out of the camp I LOVE THIS GOD
#“are you still here?” D love you should be pretending you don't care about him#Dionysus i will be by your side always#f ck Zeus let me get D wine#the way a war happened and nothing shook him fills me with hope#percy jackon and the olympians#percy jackson#pjo series#pjo tv show#percy jackson and the olympians spoilers#pjo#mr d pjo
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I don't know who needs to hear this, but as a creator -
I am fine with "the audience" -
downloading my fics
printing my fics
copy/pasting or screenshotting my fics
sharing your saved copy of my fics with anyone else who might want them in the unlikely but never impossible case that my fics are no longer available on ao3
making a book of my fic(s) and running your fingers across the pages while lovingly whispering my precioussss
doing these things with anything I create for fandom, such as meta, headcanons, au nonsense like 'texts from the brodinsons,' etc
I am not fine with "the audience"
doing any of the above with the purpose/intent of plagiarizing my work or passing it off as their own in any capacity
feeding my work into ai for any reason whatsoever
Save the fandom things. Preserve the fandom things. Respect the fandom things.
Enjoy the fandom things.
#fanfic#ao3#archive of our own#fandom things#tumblr things#i may have said this at some point#i'm sure i have#but whatever - just in case#i don't say this with the presumption that i'm so amazing and people are clamoring to save my fics#but just if anyone is so inclined that's all#ftr i don't intend on ever removing my fics from ao3 or deleting fandom things from this blog#i've always shared my fandom things with the intent of keeping them shared bc that's the whole point of posting#but the fandom atmosphere and ao3 constantly being under attack who knows what can happen#not that this applies to anyone but should all else fail you can also reach out to me and i will personally give you a copy#at least of fics bc i save everything#not so much the tumblr things but this is a good reminder to myself that i should do that for the things i care about#that i've made or done and only posted here#anyway sorry i have now used up my quota of the putting words into sentences doing for today#i have plans to stare into the void now
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Skywalker Siblings Part 3
First Previous
#probably the last part of this scene#but I’m still using Star Wars as a coping mechanism so who knows what will happen next!#drawing Yoda came so naturally to me#should i be concerned#Star Wars#starwarsblr#luke skywalker#leia organa#force sensitive leia#princess leia#yoda#han solo#kinda his hand is there#I was like I should take a break from drawing faces let me draw A STARSHIP
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Gentle reminder that very little fandom labor is automated, because I think people forget that a lot.
That blog with a tagging system you love? A person curates those tags by hand.
That rec blog with a great organization scheme and pretty graphics? Someone designed and implemented that organization scheme and made those graphics.
That network that posts a cool variety of stuff? People track down all that variety and queue it by hand, and other people made all the individual pieces.
That post with umpteen links to helpful resources, and information about them? Someone gathered those links, researched the sources, wrote up the information about them.
That graphic about fandom statistics? Someone compiled those statistics, analyzed them, organized them, figured out a useful way to convey the information to others, and made the post.
That event that you think looks neat? Someone wrote the rules, created the blogs and Discords, designed the graphics, did their best to promo the event so it'd succeed.
None of this was done automatically. None of it just appears whole out of the internet ether.
I think everyone realizes that fic writing and fanart creation are work, and at least some folks have got it through their heads that gif creation and graphics and moodboards take effort, and meta is usually respected for the effort that goes into it, at least as far as I've seen, but I feel like a lot of people don't really get how much labor goes into curation, too.
If people are creating resources, curating content, organizing the creations of others, gathering information, and doing other fandom activities that aren't necessarily the direct action of creation, they're doing a lot of fandom labor, and it's often largely unrecognized.
Celebrate fan work!
To folks doing this kind of labor: I see you, and I thank you. You are the backbones of our fandoms and I love you.
#unforth rambles#this wasn't really prompted by anything#I'm just sick and tired and distractable#or i should say it wasn't prompted by anything recent or that happened now#like no one has disrespected me#but as i hit the point that it's regularly taking me an hour plus every single day to queue things for the danmei art blogs#i just think of all the times people go WAIT YOU RUN ALL OF THOSE??? BY YOURSELF???#like i just don't think a lot of people realize how much work it is to really do background fandom labor long term#and i appreciate places like rec blogs and networks and events and just everyone#y'all are awesome#thank you so much
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corvidae
#my art#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#jjk fanart#jujutsu kaisen fanart#yuji itadori#itadori yuuji#blood/#yuuji#im not tagging this as spoilers idc sue me . iykyk but i dont think it's obvious enough at all 2 warrant the tag#idrk what this is sorry ive been having a hard time drawing n feeling inspired lately :'>>> so it goes#i find i tend to default to drawing birds when that happens ???#did it with gojo did it with shiro and now it's yuuji's turn ig#sometimes it's helpful to just . mess around with a whole bunch of brushes until something looks ok#and birds and feathers lean soooo well 2 playing around w brushes theyre very forgiving#flowers also kind of so i threw in some camellias bc i figured why not add More Red#i think they mean something that's probably relevant but i was more looking fr the shape of the petals#th rounded tops blend rly seamlessly with the way i rendered th feathers so i am like!!!! nice#just checked also apparently red camellias just mean love and devotion lmao should have guessed#'perishing with grace' also hm hm hm that's kind of wild with th crows#anyway i didn't put too much thought in2 this one so i won't talk fr ages about the symbolism it's all pretty much right there#anyway ty fr being patient with me im sorry draws have been slow :<#ill come out of it ill bounce back!
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"You can only be jealous of someone who has something you think you ought to have yourself." Margaret Atwood, The Handmaid’s Tale
#art donaldson becoming the most interesting character to me#i'm just obsessed with his jealousy and desires#he's so opaque bc he rarely speaks up but he's an open book when you know how to read him#that much jealousy should have consumed him entirely from the inside we're lucky he's still standing#“was anyone going to tell me about this parallel or was i supposed to notice it by myself?”#i say as never check the tag bc i'm easily annoyed#this seems like an obvious parallel considering the next scene that happens with tashi but i never realized it before now oops#nasty snake donaldson they will never take you away from me!!#art donaldson#tashi duncan#patrick zweig#challengers
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iknow my comics are ugly please just hear me out
#So me and my friend were talking about ‘whos the most likely to’ with ratiorine#and she asked ‘whos the most likely to confess first?’#and i said Nobody. Theyre both doomed forever. Unless it happens on accident.#and this is what i imagined#★ my art#art#honkai star rail#should i tag ratio even if hes not here#hsr aventurine#ill tag ratio because his husband is here#hsr dr ratio#hsr topaz#ratiorine#aventio#Someone reblogged my post with the tag golden ratio.#golden ratio hsr????#excuse me???#why are yall making new ship names without me. How DARE you be so creative without me in the room.#GET BACK HERE#i can literally talk about these two for hours im so serious its getting bad like it already was bad but now its worse
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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I was inspired?
#I don’t have an explanation for this one lads I just wanted to#sorry it should be expected from me at this point#if I haven’t done it yet and it’s from the 2010s it’ll happen#anyways#httyd#how to train your dragon#hiccup haddock#Jack Frost#rise of the guardians
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was it casual when i sat in your lap in public? was it casual when i said "recently my heart is crying because you're leaving"? was it casual when we decided how your last name would fit with mine? ("yuki tsunoda-gasly" / "no tsunoda, only gasly" / "yuki gasly?") was it casual when we sang adele's "someone like you" together at your going away party? was it casual when i knew it was you just by touching your ass? was it casual when i knew it was you by smell alone? was it casual when "will you miss me?" / "for 2-3 minutes maybe" / "i'll take that. even if it's just 2-3 minutes, i'll take that"? was it casual when that bus was completely empty and we still sat right next to each other, all the way in the back? was it casual when i picked you up multiple times so you could dunk a basketball? was it casual when i begged to come over to your house multiple time and then you finally let me and we cooked fried rice together? was it casual when we played christmas twister together and i said "your big eggplant is touching my ass"? was it casual when we were pressed up against each other on a scooter going two miles per hour? was it casual when-
#edit: tinytauris fact checked my post and they sang 'hello' not someone like you & it was 'your big monster' not eggplant#everyday i think about the fact that yukierre should've been what lestappen is now#i should be able to go on the yukierre tag on ao3 and it should say 'showing 1-20 of 6745'#they were genuinely so fuckingg weird about each otherrrrrr#im being so serious when i say that if they ever came out as gay/bi/whatever i really wouldnt be surprised#literally just 'okay?? fork spotted in kitchen cmon now' moment#anyway i think about that moment on the bus soooo often#will you miss me? / maybe for 2-3 minutes / ill take that then. even if it's just for 2-3 minutes ill take that#hwat the FUCK#i was going 'gay gay homosexual' everytime i saw them together#yukierre#yuki tsunoda#pierre gasly#also im like 90% sure that everyting i worte down actually happened but if i wrote smth down that didnt happen#and my yukierre infested brain just conjured up please let me know#also ive had this is in my drafts foreverrrr (re: since july) so if this has already been done im so sorry#i always feel like such a loser making posts about driver relationships lol#like 'oh look at that weirdo that got too invested in people she doesn't even know'#whatever im getting to introspective now#1k
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Hi !
I got bottom surgery on July 25th :3
I'm recovering well but I'll be on bedrest for a while. Collie and I will need rent help for September/food/gas/utilities/etc. Two disabled trans women. Anything helps ! Thank yall so much for all you've helped so far, it's saved my life ❤️
https://venmo.com/u/nora-esther-rose
https://www.paypal.me/NoraEstherRose
https://venmo.com/u/Leah-Esther-Rose
https://www.paypal.me/androgynophore
#leah is still her legal name#her mom helps w us having a phone at all and can sometimes help but never a full months rent help so thats def the most pressing matter#but we already paid august rent and we have a month so we'll probably be fine#actually still havent paid utilities :/#i was wondering if more donations would happen since the surgery date and apparently not#got three the day of and two the day before but we're at 70 rn after all the gas of dropping me off and visiting twice or smth.#idk. stupid van. she should be taking public transit but i get why she doesnt want to. barely anyone masks on public transit here anymore :/#edit update: collies mom helped us pay utilities for last month which was mostly the electricity bill. water bill comes every 3 months#so i guess we'll see how much that is.
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