#this sequence is the entire reason I wanted to read the novel- to see exactly what happened

[wuxian-vs-wangji]

Love Sky Excerpt: The Attack on Sky (Ep 13)

I know a lot of people were curious about exactly what happened in the novel, which gives a bit of context to some ambiguous moments.

**Note: Rain is often referred to by his Thai name of "Warren".

Warning: This carries all of the trigger warnings of assault, rape, and violence. Read at your own discretion.

"Let go of me. Let go of me, you fuckers! Let go!!!"

"Where did this kid get all the strength from? Shit!"

In the nighttime when most people are falling asleep, Sky's frighteningly struggling to get off the pull and hug of two men who drag him inside the bathroom. Two hands swing a punch around until Petch yells; two legs try to kick as hard as he can. While the fear creeps into his heart, his eyes see the horrible past returning.

"Let go. Let go of me!!!"

The cold gesture he used as a shield is broken. There's only fear that pushes Sky to find an escape.

Smash!

Suddenly, a strong punch lands on the stomach of the kid who has never gotten into any fights. Sky curls up; his eyes widen. The pain is so much that he can't even yell. The one who did it wasn't Petch who was frustrated, but it was Gun, the man he used to love.

The man did it without mercy, and now his eyes show satisfaction while he's licking his lips like the young man is the sweetest prey.

Pow!

Sky is thrown into the big bed, but the young man isn't giving in.

Slap!

"Ah!"

As soon as Sky gets up to climb off, Gun pulls his collar and slaps him on the cheek with full force. He falls back onto the bed as the man straddles over him, flipping Sky who's in great pain to be face up. Then he lifts the kid's chin and stares at him with pleasure.

"When did you get this feisty?"

"Fuck! You look happy, Gun. Ouch! The bitch scratched me!" Petch swears while taking his shirt off and moves back, then he hears his friend laugh.

"Then why were you stupid enough to let him do it? If he wants a fight, then give it to him." Gun doesn't even have a tiny bit of sympathy for the breathless one with the red face on the bed. He even likes to see the fearful look, the terrified eyes and the shaking body beneath him.

"Still as mean as last time. I thought you wanted to be gentle with your ex-boyfriend."

"Ex-boyfriend your ass; he's just old trash I threw away."

Sky bites his lips so hard it hurts. He can barely breathe, but he's trying to find a way out. He has to run. He will not let history repeat itself. No!

Grab!

But his chin is grabbed tight and pulled to look at Gun's eyes again. Eventually, Sky has to see... the devil.

"He looks much more seductive."

The look of defiance makes Gun happy.

"Let go!" Sky shouts.

"I'd be dumb if I did. Did you know I've missed you since you called [to ask about the race]? I suddenly remembered the obedient kid." Gun grabs Sky's chin hard, but the young man doesn't react. Even though he's scared to death, he has to get away. He will not do anything that pleases the other one.

"I've never fucking missed you!"

"You used to do everything I told you to do. C'mon, spreading your legs back then or doing it now doesn't make any difference; we're not strangers."

Sky doesn't listen, no, he tries not to hear them at all. He glances at the door. His brain says there are no guards, so he controls his body that wants to vomit to be still.

Go ahead, Sky. Do it.

Pow!

Crash!

At that moment, Sky pushes the one over him to fall to the side. He knows that if he waits until Petch comes back, he will not be able to fend them off even if he's a man. Then he gets off the bed, biting his teeth and holding back the pain in his stomach. He struggles up from the floor and runs to the door.

Grab!

"Arghhhh!!!!"

"Where are you going?"

Suddenly, Petch who is busy looking at his back becomes fast; he runs over and grabs Sky's hair. He screams out and falls on his back, hearing swear words of frustration over his head.

"Your ex is a fucking handful. If I didn't want to know how good he is after Pai's been fucking him, I wouldn't have helped you." The speaker pulls Sky's hair back so hard that the young man is pulled back onto the bed. Sky would have more strength in him if he didn't hear someone's name in the conversation which terrifies him to his bones.

And of course, Gun notices it.

"But he just gave the kid to you?"

Gave... to?

Sky's eyes widen. His brain stops processing anything as soon as he hears those words.

"Haha, look at him. Are you shocked, Sky? I thought I taught you better, but it seems you never learned."

The young man moves his face away in disgust when a hand slaps him gently and starts touching him adoringly. He knows better. Gun is having fun with this. He's having fun seeing Sky scared!

Pow!

"Ugh!"

"Fucking hell, he's finally down."

Sky hadn't yet processed what he heard when Petch punched him again in the stomach. His eyes widen, yet the world is blurry, the pictures aren't clear, only his ears hear everything. And he hears something that makes his heart... bleed.

"Prapai gave you to us."

"No... that's not true. No..." he shakes his head and whispers with no voice, denying what Gun is saying.

"How did you think we got in here? Your nice guy Pai gave us the keycard himself."

"No..."

Please, it's not true! Pai, it's not true, right? You didn't do this, right?

Gun continues in a joyful voice.

"You don't believe me? Well, it's okay. But these years have taught you nothing, right, Sky? So, I'll tell you something. When I told Pai that I was your ex and showed him our pictures, Pai said something. Do you want to know what?"

Sky didn't want to know that or anything else anymore. While his vision is spinning, he's forced to look at the phone screen; it's a picture of him having sex with three men.

A picture so disgusting that he has trouble breathing.

"I have more. Wanna see?"

"No..."

He's not saying it to Gun, but to himself as he looks at his picture and those men in various positions. Sky remembers nothing from that night but pain, and that he looked at this man and begged for it to stop. He didn't know when they took pictures of him, and now Prapai has seen them all.

"It's okay if you don't want to see the rest, but do you want to know what your Pai said?"

"No."

Sky feels as if he's dying. His heart is bleeding and screaming not to hear anything else at all. He doesn't want to know anything and be in even more pain. He shakes his head, breathless, looking like his heart could stop beating any second.

But the most horrifying words are said out loud.

"He said, 'Take back your filthy toy.' "

"Ugh!"

Sky sobs out loud with his eyes wide open, but he can no longer see anything when his heart and his brain are translating the message. The terrible memories from the past confirm that this is happening again, and in the most horrifying, brutal way.

Pai.... gave him to them?

Again? How long do I have to endure this pain? Why? Why does nobody love me?

He sobs and screams out as loud as he can. Even with no tears, Sky is dying.

Pai, do you hate me now? Are you bored of me already? You... gave me to them?

In the midst of the torturous screams, he can only hear the laughter of two men. Once again, Sky is returning to his past, but not in a nightmare. This time it's true that he has been fooled, and his heart has been betrayed again.

---

At the race, Prapai notices Sky is missing and Rain is returning from somewhere.

---

"Where did you send Sky off?"

Warren laughs.

"Do you have brain damage? You told me to send him yourself."

"Me? Me?!?!?!" Prapai shouts loudly, making the kid flinch and the smile fades; he realizes Prapai isn't joking.

"You didn't?"

"What did I tell you? I was racing all the time, I didn't have time to tell you anything. So, who told you, Rain? And where is Sky now?!" His stress causes Payu to stare at him, and also Saifah walks in to see what's going on while Warren replies quickly.

"Back then, when... when you were racing, Sky told me he was going back to rest, so I was going to drive him home, and a guard told me that you told me to send Sky off to your condominium."

Prapai rarely gets angry, but it's terrifying when he does, and Rain understands that now.

Even though Prapai is a big man with a strong body and tanned skin, he always has a smile on his face and his eyes only show happiness, so Rain has never been scared of him. But now that he's tense with angry eyes and clenched teeth, Rain moves closer to Payu with a hammering heart, not only because he's afraid of Prapai, but also because he's realizing... he screwed up.

Warren didn't know about his friend's past, so he never doubted a word from the other person. But no more.

"My condominium." Prapai is still repeating the word, but above all, he's thinking about the guy who kept flattering him and just asked for his keycard. He turns away from there and hops on his superbike as soon as he can.

Prapai isn't sure what's going on yet, but he doesn't have a good feeling about this at all.

"When the event is done, take the bikes to the garage. I'll see to them in the morning." Meanwhile, Payu turns to order his men quickly. He pulls Warren's hand who tries to follow; he doesn't care about the struggle and says to Pai in a strong voice, "I'm coming with you."

Payu doesn't know what's going on, but the look on Prapai's face... this is the first time he thinks his friend might kill someone.

"Me too."

Same goes for Saifah, who says it and gets in his car. Then Payu drives off immediately, following the other man who's riding his superbike far ahead of them and over the speed limit.

---

It doesn't take long for Prapai to park the superbike in front of his condo, stop the engine, and pull out the key. He remembers he already gave his backup keycard to Sky and his main one is with Petch. Instead of running to the elevator, he goes straight to the counter downstairs. He takes some time to give his name and obtain a visitor pass, by then his friends catch up with him.

"So, who told me to send Sky here?"

"How am I supposed to know?!" Prapai knows he shouldn't yell at Rain, but he has no time to cool down. Warren can understand, so he stays silent even though he's scared.

Not long after, they all arrive at Prapai's floor. The tall man runs along the hallway and slams his fist on the door.

"Open the fuck up!" He's so angry that he can almost break the door down.

Bang! Bang! Bang!

"The fuck are you banging for? Just come in quietly- Pai!!!"

Bam!

At that moment, the door opens up and Pet, who's wearing only pants, pokes his head out frustratedly. His eyes widen when he sees the owner of the room. Prapai doesn't care; he pushes the guy so hard that he almost falls. He heads right into the room and sees an empty living room.

"Pai, how did you get here? You let me borrow the room. It hasn't even been an hour yet!" The one who's been pushed blocks him again.

"Move away," Prapai says.

"Don't be so mean. I'm your brother. I'm borrowing it for a bit."

"I told you to fuck off!!!" Prapai yells from the top of his lungs. He no longer cares who's inside. If it's the girl Petch was eyeing at the race, then everything's fine. But if it's what he thinks, this won't end well.

He pushes the other one's shoulder away and pulls the bedroom door open.

"!!!"

The scene that he sees makes Prapai's eyes widen.

The one he's worried about is lying naked with another good-looking man.

If Sky were struggling, Prapai would not be this still. But, no. The kid who used to struggle with him all along is just lying, letting a man with a pierced eyebrow put his face on the kid's chest. And if Prapai saw it right, the guy was sucking Sky's nipples hard without any struggles from the kid at all!

There is not even a rope tying him down, just the boy closing his eyes willingly, causing Prapai to almost lose his balance.

"Here comes trouble. I told you, Sky, that this was a bad idea." Gun gets off the naked body, slicks his hair and makes a troubled face.

"I'm not lying to you. When we brought the girl up here, we found your boyfriend. I just found out that Gun and your boyfriend are exes. When we were here, your boyfriend started acting up on Gun, so my girl ran away. Then he dragged Gun into the bedroom. And as you can see, they're already having sex," Petch says with disappointment, but the one being mentioned doesn't respond.

It's like Sky doesn't care about Prapai at all.

"That's not true! Sky's not that kind of person!" It turns out to be Warren who shouts and pushes Petch away.

"Pai! Sky would never do that. No way. Even if he's actually an ex, Sky would never fuck his shitty ex! He's always disgusted any time he mentions his ex. Sky! Say something!" Now Warren is the only one who shouts loudly, acting as if he's about to approach his friend on the bed.

But Prapai is faster.

The man rushes in to grab Gun and swing him angrily into the wall. The tall man then drops down onto the bed, observing the naked body with wrathful eyes.

"Sky, get up and talk to me!!!"

He's damn furious after seeing the marks on the white skin, all over the chest, neck, and above all- the silver rings on both nipples.

"Talk to me!" he shouts loudly.

Sky has told him about the ex who made him pierce his nipples, and now the kid is wearing them again just to please the guy?!

Somehow, his heart is denying it, even with a clear scene that the two were obviously already having sex. Prapai doesn't want to believe what he sees. He's acting pitiful by begging his boyfriend to get up and answer.

What do you actually want? You can see they're having sex, so what is there to ask?

He should kill them both, so why is he sitting there waiting to hear any excuse from Sky?

Fuck! I don't want to fucking think anymore!

At that moment, Sky opens his eyes slowly and stares back at him with a gaze that is... empty.

He begs in a raspy voice.

"Pai... don't give me to anyone... Please don't give me away... Just yours... can I be just yours?"

Prapai doesn't really understand what's going on, but one thing he knows is... the kid is in agony.

Sky is not crying; there's no sign of him being drugged. There's only a few words slipping out of his mouth- can he be just Prapai's?

But that makes Prapai snap.

Not because of the clear picture of an illicit affair, but his heart makes him do this.

"You motherfuckers!"

He doesn't know what happened in this room. One thing he does know is that the kid is clearly suffering. It shows through his shaking voice and the emptiness in his eyes. Even though there are no tears, the listener's heart aches in pain. Who else could have done this if not them?

Prapai has been wondering what happened to Sky's last relationship, but this time he doesn't have to ask. The sure thing is that his lover looks like he could die at any minute, so the man turns around from his naked body on the bed and goes straight to the one trying to slip out of the room.

Pow!!!

The man makes a strong punch to Gun's face. The man crashes to the floor, but Prapai isn't satisfied yet. After seeing Sky's face and thinking of the paranoid looks Sky always had, or the day Sky told him they were over despite being in so much pain, he can guess that these men are the ones who caused it. He doesn't know what Gun did, but the bastard left a lethal wound on his boyfriend's heart!

"You hurt my boyfriend, didn't you?!"

"No... Ow! He seduced me! That bitch seduced me!!!" Gun tries to block the punches as best he can, but how can he fight a big, furious man? The more he makes excuses, the angrier Prapai is. He can't count how many times he punches Gun's face. HE doesn't care about the bleeding nose or cracked lips. He only knows that he will make Gun suffer more than anything he put Sky through.

"Stop it!"

Petch runs in to pull Prapai away from his friend, but at this second it causes a fist to punch at Petch's jaw instead. Still, it opens an opportunity for Gun to grab his phone and show Prapai when he turns back.

"You have to believe me. Sky is more slutty than you know! He fucked three men at the same time before!"

Gun shows the picture he showed Sky earlier. He doesn't care anymore about using it for blackmail.

They didn't think Prapai would catch up this early because the event wasn't over yet, and it's known Prapai never leaves early unless there's an emergency. They thought they would have fun with Sky many times and have a chance to drag him somewhere else before Prapai ever knew.

The picture was prepared for blackmailing Sky later, but they never thought their friends wouldn't arrive before Prapai. And what the fuck?! Just Sky saying 'Can I be only yours' can make Prapai this angry?

The picture pulls Prapai back and he snatches the phone to see it. He sees Sky giving a blowjob to one man and being penetrated from the back by the other two.

"You see? Are you seeing this? Sky is a slut. He invited me himself. He tricked you into thinking he was a good kid. I used to believe it too." When he sees Prapai freeze, Gun speaks with blood pouring from his nose and a smirk on his face.

The evidence is clear as crystal, who wouldn't believe it?

But...

Crash!

"!!!"

Not only is the phone thrown to the ground, but Prapai also stomps on it until it's broken right under his heel. He stares at Gun once more as he says in a terrifying voice.

"You take care of that fucker; This one is mine."

"Arghhhhh!!!!!"

After Prapai finishes speaking to Payu, the tall man grabs the ring on Gun's eyebrow while using his other hand to lock the head, and then he pulls the ring out. Gun screams in pain. His flesh is ripped apart. The red blood runs down his cheek, but this doesn't meet Prapai's needs. He's so mad he can actually kill!

Meanwhile, Payu knows that he was told not to intervene. Even if his friend actually kills Gun, just let it be.

Not just his piercing on the eyebrow, Prapai grabs Gun's head and slams it into the wall. He ignores the swearing and Gun begging him to stop, as well as the confession that he did it, Sky didn't seduce him, but he told a guard to lie to Rain. He did it all. But the more Prapai hears, the angrier he gets. Even though Gun's body falls to the floor and his face becomes unrecognizable, he still slams his foot into the torso.

"You hurt my boyfriend. You hurt my Sky! I'm never fucking letting you leave this room alive, you piece of shit!!!!"

Several hits later, Prapai kicks Gun until he's no different from a breathing piece of flesh, but he feels it's not enough. Incomparable to the torture Sky is gong through.

"Sky, look at me! Can you see me?! Sky, look at me!"

Rain's cries as he helps Sky calls back Prapai's conscience. No, his brain isn't working properly, only his body is rushing in and pushing Rain aside. He holds up Sky who is still laying frozen, staring up at the ceiling with his lips pressed together, eyes flashing without tears.

"Sky, look at me. Baby, please look at me."

Those eyes don't even acknowledge him.

Prapai feels as if the one in his arms is crying, but there are no tears. It's as if Sky is swallowing down all of his pain.

Two bloody hands carefully hold the kid's face, forcing the eyes to meet his.

"If it hurts, cry. I'm right here. I'll wipe your tears. Just cry."

He says it in a soft voice, even though his heart breaks for the one who is holding it back.

Prapai used to think Sky was never a cryer; despite their difficulties, he never cries, even when they misunderstood each other. But this time he thinks differently. He suddenly realizes the reason Sky doesn't cry is because he locks it all inside, letting his heart drown in tears and die. So, he begs in a shaking voice.

"Cry it out, Sky. Don't keep it to yourself. I'm right here, kiddo. Right here."

"..."

There is not even a flicker of movement. Sky just stares blankly with pressed lips and trembles. He looks like he's drowning, out of breath. He's still not moving, and then...

"I told you to let it out!!!"

The big man screams at the top of his lungs, telling the suffering one to let it all go, but...

Drip. Drip. Drip.

"I'm begging you, cry. I know how much pain you're in. Let me help. Let me..."

It turns out Prapai is the one with tears rolling down his cheek, to his chin, and dripping onto the bloody stained cheek. Tears after tears like there's no way of stopping it, while the deep voice is begging for any way to get inside Sky's heart, to be someone the kid trusts and lets out all that he keeps locked inside.

"I will never give you to anyone. Do you hear me? Never."

Those eyes blink slowly, and the one who has been silent after begging the other not to give him away asks in a shaky voice.

"Pai... why are you crying?"

"Because you won't. If you can't, I will cry for you. If you're suffering, I will suffer with you. If you are in pain, I will be in pain with you. Let me be the one who can do that for you." If he could, he would take all the pain from this kid to himself, all of it, just to be the one in pain or suffering. Anything and everything that is too hard for Sky to face, he will take it all.

And that makes Sky reply softly.

"Even if I cry myself to death, nothing will ever get better."

"It will, trust me. Everything is going to get better. I will be right here- right next to you- so I can take care of you." He insists strongly with a face covered in tears. Then his eyes start burning when the kid's eyes become red, and the tears... roll down Sky's cheeks slowly.

Sky cries, his body shakes, and the sobbing becomes harder.

"Um! Ugh! Pai, Pai."

The sobbing turns into Sky calling his name while tears flow from the collapsing dam. The one who's been still lifts his head up and pulls Prapai into a tight hug.

"Pai, please don't leave me. Don't give me to anyone. Please don't, please just love me. Just love me... Love me... Please! Pai!" the kid grips his shirt tight.

The one who's been trapping his pain inside finally cries out loud.

This is the first time after that incident that Sky let out real sadness and had someone with their heart open to truly hear him.

The man who will love and protect him like never before.

---

"I'll leave you to take care of it."

"Just go, we can handle it."

After Sky calmed down, Prapai wrapped the kid in a blanket and lifted him up. Then he glances around the room without a care for a moment and sees Warren crying with guilt not too far away. Payu is keeping watch on that shitty man with a pierced eyebrow who is already unconscious, while Petch is whining in pain at his feet.

"I'm coming with you."

"It's okay, Rain. I can take care of Sky." Prapai bushes the other one off, shaking his head and holding the kid tighter. Sky looks at his best friend, still Sky, still not wanting his friend to worry.

"I'm okay."

"Well... but... Let's talk after this."

Sky nods and closes his eyes, exhausted. He's not hiding anything anymore.

When they share an understanding, Payu calls them.

"Take my car keys."

Prapai rode a superbike on his way, but considering Sky's condition, it would be impossible to ride it home. So, Prapai is more than happy to take his friend's car keys. He doesn't want his lover to be in the same room as these fuckers anymore. He gets out of the room, but in the entryway he sees...

"Chai."

A handsome man with a terrifying aura- the close confidant and head employee of the host of the race.

Chai comes with a large group of his men. Surprisingly, those men are dragging several teenagers with them.

"That guy said there were going to be more people coming. I was worried we'd be outnumbered, so I called Chai. He happened to be around." Saifah raises his eyebrows at Prapai, looking proud of his own intelligence. Prapai thanks him for it. He's too mad now seeing Gun's friends to think of anything. He can only nod as a thank you and tells Chai-

"If it's not too troublesome, beat the shit out of those two in the room for me. I'm begging you. And if you want me to compete with anyone in the race, I won't deny it."

If he competes, bids will come pouring in, and the host will get a share. But Prapai is ready to not get a single baht, no arguments, he's ready to do anything Chai's boss asks him to, just to make sure the two brats get what they deserve.

And the Thai mafia will be even more thorough than what he asked for.

"I will see what I can do."

Even saying it like that, a deal has been made.

Prapai is now comfortable taking Sky out of here as fast as possible.

Prapai leaves, while Rain wipes his tears.

"Fucking asshole! You hurt my friend! Did you use me, you motherfuckers?!" the tiniest one who looks fragile has a stronger personality than Sky, and kicks Petch many times. There isn't even any hesitation in his mind when he goes to stomp down hard on the exposed crotch of the one who passed out; Gun will be waking up to absolute suffering.

"You hurt my friend, so you'll never use it again!"

This time, Payu doesn't stop him from stomping again... because his tiny boyfriend won't back down easily.

And, of course, he feels bad for Sky. So, for Rain who is Sky's best friend, how could Payu even stop him? It seems that before they end at Chai's hands, Petch and Gun will be made infertile by Rain first.

---

It is half past three in the morning when Prapai brings his lover back to his house. He stops to tell Praiphan, who is studying for her exams, not to wake anyone up. He doesn't want his parents to see how messy Sky and him look right now. His sister agrees and looks after them with worry, but doesn't intervene. He doesn't have time to care about anyone else other than the kid in his arms. He puts him down on the bed as gently as he can.

But when he steps back to clean his bloody body, he's grabbed.

"I'm going to take a shower; my hands have blood on them."

When he says this, the kid gets up, clinging onto him all the way to the bathroom with an uncomfortable look. He has to ask.

"Would you like to take a shower together?"

The one who's been quiet nods.

They really just take a shower. Prapai cleans the blood that stained Sky's face from his own hands. He takes off the rings which are pierced to the kid's nipples with hatred. He covers the kid's body in soap and cleans him up.

Sky also rubs soap on the man. There is no sexual sensation; there are only touches of trust and intimacy.

When they finish, Prapai wraps Sky in towels. He takes the kid to sit on the bed, but again...

Grab!

"I'm just getting clothes for you. Don't worry, I'm not leaving."

That makes Sky let go of his arm as his eyes look calmer. Prapai turns quickly around to put clothes on and grab some for his beloved, who puts them on without speaking.

When it's done, he doesn't hesitate to pull the other one into a tight hug, stroking his hair and murmuring that the bad stuff is over now, nothing will happen again, and that Prapai is here now.

The man can hear the heartbeat of the one in his arms slowing down. The anger and suffering lessens.

When he sees Sky looking calmer, he feels calmer too.

[peaky-shelby]

Ugh I told you I apologize for the novels in response to your chapters….but I’m not sorry at all lmao. ILYSM!! (Sorry I’m so late to the party…grad school kicked my ass this week so I’m just getting reading) Here we go!

Starting tense with her slipping away without a word. I say tense, not negatively. how you described it as if the moment was made of glass and the slightest sound would break it. It’s painful and beautiful. Girl the fucking way you write Neymar absolutely destroys me. AND THIS IS GOING BACK TO DEFINE ME NEY OKAY. (He holds a special place in my heart) I just…this guy is like a kicked puppy

 He nodded “JW gonna write about this, hm?” he poked her nose. His eyes half open. She took hold of his hand.“JW won’t be writing about anything for a while.” “I missed the penalty.” She shook her head “is that why you’re like this?” 

What the fuck bro. I know its a Kylian story and I love it, but ney…my poor ney...he needs something good in his life here okay. 

Okay back to business. I love how Kylian is taking care of Taylor while she’s taking care of ney. And shout out ney to figuring them out with no help. Like that just goes to show how fucking observant he is, which also speaks to the relationship he has with the two of them. Even while drunk off his ass. smart boy lol.

Alright this is now just becoming an “I love ney and all I want to do is hug this kid to make him feel better” rant. This also just makes me feel so happy about how far their relationship has come since ney found out Taylor was JW. How painfully hurt he was back then, and now he’s throwing it back in her face without any malice towards her. Their friendship is so much stronger and I love how Taylor knows exactly what conversation she needs to have with him. And TAYLOR SAME GIRL PRETENDING NOT TO KNOW WHAT HES THINKING SO IT DOESN’T MAKE IT REAL LMAO. GIRL SAME. 

Back with Taylor and Kylian. I just….AH the chemistry they have is intoxicating to read. I’m fucking weak over it. Small spaces, especially airplane bathrooms, the TENSION. I love that they’ve gone from genuine arguing and frustration to straight up just flirting and being cute. “She grinned, slapping his hand off her ass. Her shoulder bumped on his as she finally walked passed him. Proud of herself for his reaction. He bit on his tongue, twisting it in between his lips.” SO FUCKING CUTE. I have no words for when he sits down next to her. Like going from heated, to making me squeal from cuteness as they hold hands underneath the blanket. It's just so sweet I want to cry because they’re so good for each other.

Him pleading with Taylor to come to him when she’s freaking out about the meeting with Galtier has me in a puddle. Taylor is a better woman than i am because how the fuck did she not fold immediately when he’s practically begging her to come to him…AND THEN THE MAN HAS THE AUDACITY TO ACTUALLY SHOW UP WITH FUCKING CAT FOOD?! the whole following sequence is just perfect. So romantic, and hot, and I just wanna die. I MEAN “Hoped she could stay down this rabbit hole with him for the rest of her life.” AND THEN GET SLAPPED WITH “She never minded being on her own but this… this felt nice too.” BRUUUUUHHHHHH. I love that they see each other in the morning, it just makes it so real to me and I’m obsessed with them. Their morning is so domestic and her giving him her keys. R.I.P. me. 

GO TAYLOR FOR GETTING THE FULL TIME POSITION. I’m so proud of her she so deserves it with everything she’s been through. I love that there’s finally the post sex talk and it’s absolutely adorable. Her finally opening up and you can see her walls crumbling because of how annoying persistent Kylian is. Her finally admitting how scared she is of the entire situation is so fucking relatable. 

YOU SURE KNOW HOW TO ABSOLUTELY KILL ME WITH A SINGLE GOD DAMN SENTENCE. THAT LAST LINE. WHAT THE FUCK OWW. Cannot wait to ch 11 k ilysm byyeeee 😘

NEVER APOLOGIZE

Texts like this the reason i write and i love you so much for taking the time there is no greater gift. I've reread this 5 times because oh my god i love it 😭 i can't wait to hear your thoughts on ch11.

Also define me ney and this ney are basically the same and I've thought of Gabriella doing a cameo multiple times but I'm scared people will be confused ughh😭

[phoenixyfriend]

ok. karin vs anakin's genome being 50% the Force. go

Jesus fuck, okay. Uh, fair warning, I know very little about this subject, so it’s 90% bullshit. I am in no way qualified to talk about biology past the high school level.

Anakin's sixteen. He's part of a set of Jedi assigned to a weird mission regarding making contact with an isolated planet of near-humans with superpowers but no space travel. He doesn’t really have a Job here and now, he’s just there as Obi-Wan’s plus-one. There's an underlying plot about Sidious trying to acquire people from Ninja Land, but none of the Jedi are fully aware of it. Mostly they're distracted by all the ninjas and their bitching.

They call it the Shinobi Planet, because nobody can agree on a name for the planet when they ask and the last major international alliance was named after the shinobi profession, right? Good enough, you can change it later when you idiots can agree on literally anything, oh my god. The Samurai are very offended and it's a whole thing.

Anakin wanders a lot. He runs into various strange people and is mostly polite because, listen, half his friends are distinctly not human. When your immediate circle includes nautolans and besalisks and twi’leks and whatever the fuck Yoda is, you’re not gonna blink at a Hoshigaki or... uh... okay that kid just turned into a giant fox, is anybody gonna--no? That’s normal? Just him? Cool, cool, cool.

There’s a kage summit involved in the negotiations going on. IDK what’s being negotiated, probably something to get the ninjas to set up a singular spaceport so there’s somewhere to land WITHOUT ships being regularly shot down by village defense systems powered by that massive flaming purple skeleton warrior or the girl who punched down a mountain or the.. the literal desert? There’s a guy that can control the desert? Is there any way of keeping him away from Anakin?

(Gaara’s tickled pink that the reason someone wants to stay away from him has nothing to do with fear or respect for authority, and everything to do with ‘he is also from the desert and fucking hates it, so he’s staying away from the sand powers,’ because it’s very novel and kind of funny.)

ANYWAY where was I. Uh. Right, kage summit, lots of villages, they invite smaller villages to pitch in, but nobody ever ever ever wants Orochimaru anywhere near this situation, for hopefully obvious reasons, so Otogakure sends Karin.

Really, who else was it gonna be? Suigetsu? You want Suigetsu representing you on an interstellar political field? You want Juugo before he’s stabilized? You want Sasuke, master of ruining kage summits? You want these idiots representing you at the big kids’ table?

They send Karin. She’s a bitch with a temper, but at least she’s not as big of a political risk as... literally anyone else from the snakepit.

Anyway, Anakin wanders around, meeting people, trying foods, showing off when asked for demonstrations. He doesn’t have an Entire Protocol Droid, but he did cobble together a little floating helper that can do translations for him. Assume all translations are accurate and being done by the little helper bot. Bot’s name is G1-0T. Anakin calls it Glot.

He runs into Karin at one point, who’s not super into the whole situation, but at least Anakin’s interesting. She’s not interested in him, because he’s sixteen and she’s like... mid-twenties. And his hair is stupid. But! All these force-sensitive people feel weird to her, because sensor stuff, and it’s not chakra but it’s... something. Anakin is, of course, the weirdest.

(There are non-sensitives in the envoy, so she knows it’s not just a space thing.)

She strikes up a conversation about it, because hey, she hasn’t made it this far to not lean into... you know, being the kind of person who barges ahead with Weird Questions that might lead into fun science stuff.

Anakin is like. Well. This woman’s very strange, but it’s not like there’s anything against talking about midichlorians to random people. It’s easy enough to look up in the core. Not everyone knows about them, but it’s not a secret or anything.

“Wow,” Karin says, though not in so many words, “that sounds incredibly strange, and actually a lot like it functions completely differently from chakra, though maybe it intersects with nature chakra somehow. Can I take a blood sample?”

Anakin doesn’t want to give a blood sample to a stranger. Karin isn’t stupid enough to try to steal one. She’s seen what this Force Stuff can do, and this kid’s got a lot of it. She hasn’t got enough information on hand about it to know if he’d notice.

“How about I let you look at the blood of a guy that can turn into water?” Karin asks, because she’s not going to let him look at her blood. “I’ve got it with me.”

“...why?” Anakin asks, reasonably disturbed.

“He owes me,” she says, and does not elaborate.

“What, there’s nothing weird about your blood to share?” Anakin demands, like the ornery little bastard he is.

“People took my blood against my will for over a decade,” Karin says, with the kind of smile that threatens a stabbing. This is not secret information. Her healing factor is in the bingo book. Plenty of people still want her dead. “Nobody gets my blood except me.”

Anakin has no idea what to do with that answer. Most people wouldn’t know what to do with that answer. It’s not exactly a standard answer.

“So there is something weird about your--e chu ta what the fuck are those scars?”

Karin looks at her arm. She looks back at him. She raises an eyebrow.

“What do you think they are?”

He stares a little longer, and then very carefully does not say anything as she pushes her sleeve back down.

“So can I look at your blood?” she asks again.

“Uh--”

“You can look at mine under a microscope,” she wheedles. “You can’t take any, though.”

Anakin... does eventually agree. Eventually.

-----------

There is a very angry redhead yelling at a machine, and Anakin does not know what to do.

“Is something wr--”

“What the fuck is your blood?” she demands. “It’s glowing in ultraviolet. It burned the dye up. I tried to sequence your genome--”

“Woah, I did not agree to that.”

“--and look at this. Look at this!”

“I don’t know how to read your graphs. None of this is a language I know.”

“It’s garbage,” she hisses at him. Glot takes a few moments to process it. “Look at this. This is supposed to--fuck, where’s the Jiraiya file, he’s standard--this is what it’s supposed to look like for most humans with chakra. And this is a civilian, and a few bloodline users--”

“Do you just carry these around with you?”

“Shut up, you don’t exist. You have--you have more in common with summons than people. I ran a blood test on one of your human diplomats, the ones that aren’t monks--”

“When did they agree to that?”

“They didn’t, I’m just sneaky.”

“I should tell Obi-W--”

“STAY THERE, I’M NOT DONE YELLING YET. Do you see this? Do you see this shit? This is the one and only time I’ve managed to perform any kind of analysis on a bijuu. They don’t usually have blood. Shukaku is sand. Matatabi is literally just fire. This was almost impossible to make happen, but I did it because I’m a dedicated biomedical resea--”

“Because you’re unhinged.”

“--rcher, and you know what? You know what I’ve found?”

“What?”

“Your blood looks like you’re half demon,” she says, grabbing him by the shoulders and shaking, a little wild-eyed and clearly pissed at him. “Half of it’s human! Half of it looks like the non-physical chakra manifestations that were torn-apart remnants of a godlike demon. The fuckers can’t die. They also can’t breed. They don’t have reproductive organs! This isn’t just demon-tainted like a jinchuuriki, I’ve got that analyzed--”

“Why?”

“Because my cousin’s a moron, don’t change the subject. You--you shouldn’t exist. Your blood is stupid. Fuck, is this what I’d find if I analyzed the Sage of the Six Paths?”

“The what?”

She ignores him, frowning at papers. “Is--I need to call Haruno, she might still have some of Kaguya’s blood dried on her old gloves from the war, I know she kept those as a souvenir from the whole ‘punched a god’ thing.”

“I’m sorry, the what?”

“There was a thing a few years back, godlike alien demon princess who got sealed into a moon by her sons a thousand years ago, but her immortal sentient goo child brought her back with a giant tree that consumed all the tailed beasts-the flaming fox you saw earlier is one of them--and then used a giant eyeball to reflect off the moon to put everyone in a hallucination at the same time so she could eat our life-forces,” Karin dismisses. “It’s not important.”

“There is--what?”

Jedi see many things. Many of those things are very strange.

This is a little much even for Anakin.

“It’s over, if you want the actual details, talk to my idiot cousin,” she huffs. “But now I need to run comparisons between the actual nonsense that is your entire existence and the actual nonsense that is my cousin’s existence, and maybe Sasuke’s... fuck this is going to be a mess, I’m going to have to cross-reference all the clans with bloodlines we know are derived from Kaguya, she’s the only angle we have on gods like that, unless... maybe there’s still some black Zetsu goo somewhere... Orochimaru must have kept a sample...”

“Uh, can I--can I go? I’m not comfortable here.”

“I need to find Naruto so he can call the Sage of the Six Paths out of the afterlife so I can see if I can get blood from a ghost to compare to yours.”

[kmclaude]

Forgive me Father, I have no awful headcanons for you, only a general question on comic making. How do you do it, writing-wise/how do you decide what points go where, how do you plot it out (or do you have any resources on the writing aspect that you find useful?) Not to get too bogged down in details, but I attended a writer’s workshop and the author in residence suggested I transfer my wordy sci-fi WIP into graphic novel script, as it might work better. (I do draw, but I don’t know if I have it in me to draw a whole comic—characters in motion? Doing things? With backgrounds? How dare, why can’t everyone just stand around looking pretty)

I was interested but it quickly turned into a lot of internal screaming as I tried to figure out how to compress the hell out of it, since novels are free to do a lot more internal monologuing and such compared to a comic format (to say nothing of trying to write a script without seeing how the panels lay out—just for my own sake, I might have to do both concurrently.)

As an aside, to get a feel for graphic novels I was rereading 99RM and was reminded of how great it was—tightly plotted, intriguing, and anything to do with Ashmedai was just beautifully drawn. I need more Monsignor Tiefer and something something there are parallels between Jehan and Daniel in my head and I don’t know if they make sense but it works for me. (As an aside, I liked the emphasis on atonement being more than just the word sorry, but acknowledgment you did wrong and an attempt to remedy it—I don’t know why that spoke to me the way that it did.)

I thought Tumblr had a word count limit for asks but so far it has offered zero resistance, oh well. I don’t have much else to say but on the topic of 99RM, Adam getting under Monsignor’s skin is amazing, 10/10 (about the Pride picture earlier)

wow tumblr got rid of the markdown editor! or at least in asks which means the new editor probably has no markdown....god i hate this site! anyway...

Totally! So first, giant thank you for the compliments! Second, I have a few questions in turn for you before I dive into a sort of answer, since I can give some advice to your questions in general but it also sounds like you have a specific conundrum on your hands.

My questions to your specific situation are:

did the author give any reason for recommending a, in your words, "wordy" story be turned into a graphic novel?

is the story you're writing more, like you said, "internal monologuing"? action packed? where do the visuals come from?

do you WANT it to be a comic? furthermore, do you want it to be a comic you then must turn around and draw? or would you be interested in writing for comics as a comic writer to have your words turned into art?

With those questions in mind, let me jump into the questions you posed me!

Let me start with a confession...

I've said this before but let me say it again: Ninety-Nine Righteous Men was not originally a comic — it was a feature-length screenplay! And furthermore, it was written for a class so it got workshopped again and again to tighten the plot by a classroom of other nerds — so as kind as your compliments are, I'm giving credit where credit is due as that was not just a solo ship sailing on the sea. On top of that, it got adapted (by me) into a comic for my thesis, so my advisor also helped me make it translate or "read" well given I was director, actor, set designer, writer, editor, SFX guy, etc. all in one. And it was a huge help to have someone say "there is no way you can go blow by blow from script to comic: you need to make edits!" For instance, two scenes got compressed to simple dialogue overlaid on the splashpage of Ashmedai raping Caleb (with an insert panel of Adam and Daniel talking the next day.) What had been probably at least 5 pages became 1.

Additionally, I don't consider myself a strong plotter. That said, I found learning to write for film made the plotting process finally make some damn sense since the old plot diagram we all got taught in grammar school English never made sense as a reader and definitely made 0 sense as a writer — for me, for some reason, the breakdown of 25-50-25 (approx. 25 pages for act 1, 50 for act 2 split into 2 parts of 25 each, 25 pages for act 3) and the breaking down of the beats (the act turning points, the mid points, the low point) helped give me a structure that just "draw a mountain, rising action, climax is there, figure it out" never did. Maybe the plot diagram is visually too linear when stories have ebb and flow? I don't know. But it never clicked until screenwriting. So that's where I am coming from. YMMV.

I should also state that there's Official Ways To Write Comic Scripts to Be Drawn By An Artist (Especially If You Work For A Real Publisher As a Writer) and there's What Works For You/Your Team. I don't give a rat's ass about the former (and as an artist, I kind of hate panel by panel breakdowns like you see there) so I'm pretty much entirely writing on the latter here. I don't give a good god damn about official ways of doing anything: what works for you to get it done is what matters.

What Goes Where?

Like I said, 99RM was a screenplay so it follows, beat-wise, the 3-act screenplay structure (hell, it's probably more accurate to say it follows the act 1/act 2A/act 2B/act 3 structure.) So there was the story idea or concept that then got applied to those story beats associated with the structure, and from there came the Scene-by-scene Breakdown (or Expanded Scene Breakdown) which basically is an outline of beats broken down into individual scenes in short prose form so you get an overview of what happens, can see pacing, etc. In the resources at the end I put some links that give information on the whole story beat thing.

(As an aside: for all my short comics, I don't bother with all that, frankly. I usually have an image or a concept or a bit of writing — usually dialogue or monologue, sometimes a concrete scene — that I pick at and pick at in a little sketchbook, going back and forth between writing and thumbnail sketches of the page. Or I just go by the seat of my pants and bullshit my way through. Either or. Those in many ways are a bit more like poems, in my mind: they are images, they are snapshots, they are feelings that I'm capturing in a few panels. Think doing mental math rather than writing out geometric proofs, yanno?)

Personally, I tend to lean on dialogue as it comes easier for me (it's probably why I'm so drawn to screenwriting!) so for me, if I were to do another longform GN, I'd probably take my general "uhhhhhh I have an idea and some beats maybe so I guess this should happen this way?" outline and start breaking it down scene by scene (I tend to write down scenes or scene sketches in that "uhhhh?" outline anyway LOL) and then figure out basic dialogue and action beats — in short, I'd kind of do the work of writing a screenplay without necessarily going full screenplay format (though I did find the format gave me an idea of timing/pacing, as 1 page of formatted script is about equal to 1 minute of screentime, and gave me room to sketch thumbnails or make edits on the large margins!) If you're not a monologue/soliloque/dialogue/speech person and more an image and description person, you may lean more into visuals and scenes that cut to each other.

Either way this of course introduces the elephant in the panel: art! How do you choose what to draw?

The answer is, well, it depends! The freedom of comics is if you can imagine it, you can make it happen. You have the freedoms (and audio limitations) of a truly silent film with none of the physical limitations. Your words can move in real time with the images or they can be a narrative related to the scene or they could be nonsequitors entirely! The better question is how do you think? Do you need all the words and action written first before you break down the visuals? Do you need a panel by panel breakdown to be happy, or can you freewheel and translate from word and general outlines to thumbnails? What suits you? I really cannot answer this because I think when it comes to what goes where with regard to art, it's a bit of "how do you process visuals" and also a bit of "who's drawing this?" — effectively, who is the interpreter for the exact thing you are writing? Is it you or someone else? If it's you, would you benefit from a barebones script alongside thumbnailed paneling? Would you be served by a barebones script, then thumbnails, then a new script that includes panel and page breakdowns? What frees you up to do what you need to do to tell your story?

If I'm being honest, I don't necessarily worry about panels or what something will look like necessarily until I'm done writing. I may have an image that I clearly state needs to happen. I may even have a sequence of panels that I want to see and I do indeed sketch that out and make note of it in my script. But exactly how things will be laid out, paneled, situated? That could change up until I've sketched my final pencils in CSP (but I am writer and artist so admittedly I get that luxury.)

How do I compress from novel to comic?

Honest answer? You don't. Not really. You adapt from one to another. It's more a translation. Something that would take forever to write may take 1 page in a comic or may take a whole issue.

I'm going to pick on Victor Hugo. Victor Hugo spent a whole-ass book in Notre-Dame de Paris talking about a bird's eye view of Paris and other medieval architecture boring stuff, with I guess some foreshadowing with Montfaucon. Who cares. Not me. I like story. Anyway. When we translate that book to a movie any of the billion times someone's done that, we don't spend a billion years talking at length about medieval Paris. There's no great monologuing about the gibbet or whatever: you get to have some establishing shots, maybe a musical number, and then you move tf on. Because it's a movie, right? Your visuals are right there. We can see medieval Paris. We can see the cathedral. We can see the gibbet. We don't need a whole book: it's visually right there. Same with a comic: you may need many paragraphs to describe, say, a space station off of Sirius and one panel to show it.

On the flip side, you may take one line, maybe two, to say a character keyed in the special code to activate the holodeck; depending on the visual pacing, that could be a whole page of panels (are we trying to stretch time? slow it down? what are we emphasizing?) A character gives a sigh of relief — one line of text, yeah? That could be a frozen panel while a conversation continues on or that could be two (or more!) panels, similar to the direction [a beat] in screenwriting.

Sorry there's not a super easy answer there to the question of compression: it's a lot more of a tug, a push-pull, that depends on what you're conveying.

So Do I Have It In Me to Write & Draw a GN?

The only way you'll know is by doing. Scary, right? The thing is, you don't necessarily need to be an animation king or God's gift to background artists to draw a comic.

Hell, I hate backgrounds. I still remember sitting across from my friend who said "Claude you really need to draw an establishing exterior of the church at some point" and me being like "why do you hate me specifically" because drawing architecture? Again? I already drew the interior of the church altar ONCE, that should be enough, right? But I did draw an exterior of the church. Sorta. More like the top steeple. Enough to suggest what I needed to suggest to give the audience a better sense of place without me absolutely losing my gourd trying to render something out of my wheelhouse at the time.

And that's kinda the ticket, I think. Not everyone's a master draftsman. Not everyone has all the skills in every area. And regardless, from page one to page one hundred, your skills will improve. That's all part of it — and in the meantime, you should lean into your strengths and cheat where you can.

Do you need to lovingly render a background every single panel? Christ no! Does every little detail need to be drawn out? Sure if you want your hand to fall off. Cheat! Use Sketchup to build models! Use Blender to sculpt forms to paint over! Use CSP Assets for prebuilt models and brushes if you use CSP! Take photographs and manip them! Cheat! Do what you need to do to convey what you need to convey!

For instance, a tip/axiom/"rule" I've seen is one establishing shot per scene minimum and a corollary to that has been include a background once per page minimum as grounding (no we cannot all have eternal floating heads and characters in the void. Unless your comic is set in the void. In which case, you do you.) People ain't out here drawing hyper detailed backgrounds per each tiny panel. The people who DO do that are insane. Or stupid. Or both. Or have no deadline? Either way, someone's gonna have a repetitive stress injury... Save yourself the pain and the headache. Take shortcuts. Save your punches for the big K.O. moments.

Start small. Make an 8-page zine. Tell a beginning, a middle, an end in comic form. Bring a scene to life in a few pages. See what you're comfortable drawing and where you struggle. See where you can lean heavily into your comfort zones. Learn how to lean out of your comfort zone. Learn when it's worth it to do the latter.

Or start large. Technically my first finished comic (that wasn't "a dumb pencil thing I drew in elementary school" or "that 13 volume manga I outlined and only penciled, what, 7 pages of in sixth grade" or "random one page things I draw about my characters on throw up on the interwebz") was 99RM so what do I know. I'm just some guy on the internet.

(That's not self-deprecating, I literally am some guy on the internet talking about my path. A lot of this is gonna come down to you and what vibes with you.)

Resources on writing

Some of these are things that help me and some are things that I crowd-sourced from others. Some of these are going to be screenwriting based, some will be comic based.

Making Comics by Scott McCloud: I think everyone recommends this but I think it is a useful book if you're like "ahh!!! christ!! where do I start!!!???" It very much breaks down the elements of comics and the world they exist in and the principles involved, with the caveat that there are no rules! In fact, I need to re-read it.

Comic Book Design: I picked this up at B&N on a whim and in terms of just getting a bird's eye view of varied ways to tackle layout and paneling? It's such a great resource and reference! I personally recommend it as a way to really get a feel for what can be done.

the screenwriter's bible: this is a book that was used in my class. we also used another book that's escaping me but to be honest, I never read anything in school and that's why I'm so stupid. anyway, I'd say check it out if you want, especially if you start googling screenwriting stuff and it's like 20 billion pieces of advice that make 0 sense -- get the core advice from one place and then go from there.

Drawing Words & Writing Pictures: many people I know recommended this. I think I have it? It may be in storage. So frankly, I'd already read a bunch of books on comics before grabbing this that it kind of felt like a rehash. Which isn't shade on the authors — I personally was just a sort of "girl, I don't need comics 101!!!"

Invisible Ink: A Practical Guide to Building Stories that Resonate: this has been recommended so many times to me. I cannot personally speak on it but I can say I do trust those who rec'd it to me so I am passing it along

the story circle: this is pretty much the hero's journey. a useful way to think of journeys! a homie pretty much swears by it

a primer on beats: quick google search got me this that outlines storybeats

save the cat!: what the above refers to, this gives a more genre-specific breakdown. also wants to sell you on the software but you don't need that.

I hope this helps and please feel free to touch base with more info about your specific situation and hopefully I'll have more applicable answers.

[tsukiida]

pining — bakugou katsuki

— info :: bakugou x gn!reader ; sfw ; slight angst & humour ; 3.13k words.

— contents :: quirkless reader ; bakugou’s pov ; one-sided attraction ; bakugou being bakugou ; well-meaning wingmen bakusquad.

— synopsis :: katsuki hates the way you make him feel.

— note :: this is my first time writing bnha, let alone bakugou, I hope I do it justice… if you read this, thank you, I hope you like it! :)

katsuki swears he hates you.

to be honest, he’d rather hate you, than feel like… this about you.

he’s convinced you’re messing with him. your quirk must make it so, because there’s no other reason why he feels his body heat up, his heart beat quicker somewhere deep in his chest, every time he thinks of you. you’re definitely doing it on purpose.

it’s that damned shopping trip to blame.

the girls had dragged everyone out to have some bonding time, which is the shittiest excuse katsuki has ever heard for splurging and buying pretty dessert that clogs up arteries. he’d have skipped out on it, but raccoon eyes begged kirishima, who in turn begged katsuki.

that’s another thing that pisses him off; remembering exactly how the other boy had convinced him. really, he couldn’t give less of a shit about something like romance, but of course the extras are going out of their mind about how popular they are with their preferred gender, and of course they had to drag him into it.

no, he doesn’t care at all, but it hurts his ego pride to entertain the idea that he might not be #1 at something even as petty as that.

hell, he doesn’t even care about being #1, as long as he’s doing better than deku.

but he’s not blind. cheeks is obsessed with the green haired idiot, her heart probably having a taste of her own quirk and shooting off into the universe fluttering madly every time she looks at him.

it’s like the world is out to get him, because not only did he have to accompany all the losers to their stupid trip, but he also had to, under duress, with that goal in mind? really? grade schoolers, the whole lot of them.

what he hates most about the whole thing is you, though.

and you’re doing exactly the things he hates.

ever since you stumbled across deku during that trip, tapped him on the shoulder and smiled at him, it’s like you punched katsuki in the gut. he can’t forget the way you’d looked so meek, but still somehow comfortable around deku, and he’d be damned if he doesn’t hate that.

and for the life of him, he can’t recall ever seeing you during his days in middle school. you claimed that you’d been classmates with deku – and by extension, katsuki – for an entire year, and deku sure seems to recognise you. but katsuki doesn’t. deku lights up like a stupid bulb, but katsuki does not.

he hadn’t needed to know details about any of the dumb extras that had infested middle school, more so any of them who didn’t already seem to know that he is the best. that must’ve been why he didn’t know you. there weren’t too many people who didn’t believe in his worth, but the ones who didn’t… they weren’t special enough for him to remember. they could never prove him wrong, after all. they were nothing.

but you.

he hates you. he strongly dislikes you. he can’t stand you.

and you seem to love that shitty deku.

no, it’s not the same kind of emotion that uraraka holds for him.

you absolutely adore that girl too, and she treats you nicely enough despite the wary look in her eyes initially, when she thought she was being subtle while hovering around deku.

no, katsuki hasn’t been observing. especially not because he’s interested. he is literally just looking out for himself, because he doesn’t want to be blindsided just because he wasn’t careful of some scheming pest.

the pest in question being you.

you’re already wreaking havoc on his mind, full of nothing but thoughts of you, other than being #1. he would never give up on that, no matter how much you make his heart pound and palms sweat.

you’re kinda helpful for his quirk, actually, and that’s the only reason he hasn’t already blasted you off into nothingness. the accelerated heart rate does wonders for him. but he doesn’t want to credit you either for something he could achieve with his own hard work.

he can definitely credit you for being the most annoying idiot that he knows, though. your quirk is painful, because late at night when he’s alone, he’s hit by images of your face. you hang out so much with his classmates now, he can’t help it. he can’t even sleep peacefully, because when he does fall asleep, his often dreamless nights are swapped out for stupid sequences produced by his subconscious involving you, because of your silly little quirk that you think katsuki is unaware of.

it gets worse.

he finds out you’re quirkless.

he storms up to you when he’s had enough. not only do you go to a school quite near theirs, but you also always have time to meet up, and isn’t that super convenient for whatever grand scheme you’ve concocted in order to try and take down bakugou katsuki.

it’s a half-growled and half-whispered, threat-filled one-sided conversation between him and you when he asks you to stop whatever you’re trying to do. you, being the infuriating person that you are, just tilt your head and stare at him in confusion. in the name of all might, that should not make his heart skip a beat, because he doesn’t have any intention of using his quirk right now. he just wants you to stop using yours. that’s all he’s there for.

but then you just shrug slightly, that damned nervous smile plastered on your face that you’ve barely been showing anymore, now that you’re comfortable with the extras. you shake your head when he asks you, as nicely as he can, to stop whatever messed up thing you like doing to him.

“this your way of trying to win against me? you can’t,” he grits through his teeth, fingers itching to create little explosions. he’s not going to show his off when asking you to call yours off. he won’t—

you tell him you have no idea what he’s talking about, because you’re as quirkless as they come.

with all the strength that he can muster within himself to not have an outburst, he asks you to repeat yourself.

you do. “i’m quirkless.”

in the end, he can’t help himself, and sets off a series of minute explosions that have you hopping back, out of his arm’s reach. as if he’d harm you with them, he thinks while glaring at you.

katsuki would like to say that he got over it quickly, but it takes a while, truthfully. at first he can’t wrap his mind around the fact that you’re quirkless, because then every thought of you that’s haunted him the past few months is without explanation.

you being quirkless literally opens up so many other questions. if you’re quirkless, then who’s to blame for everything happening to him? is it someone else at fault? are you just stupid and oblivious and unaware of your own quirk? did it manifest late? did someone grant it to you? there are so many questions, and things are still the same, if not worse. he barely thinks of anything else.

at least he can write it off in the name of being better at defending himself from stray quirks affecting him.

he hates it, but he asks kirishima, very subtly, if he’s heard of anyone whose quirk has the effects katsuki hates suffering from. the stupid redhead simply looks him dead in the eye and says that it sounds like the case of a bad crush quirk, something out of cheap romance novels which might be quite dangerous in practice, before proceeding to ask katsuki why he’s curious about it. bless his stupid soul, sometimes, because he completely buys the lie katsuki feeds him.

he didn’t want to have to convince kirishima that he doesn’t have a crush. because he doesn’t want to even entertain the idea of having a crush on stupid little you.

especially when you barely even give him the time of day anymore.

well, you’ve never really been the closest to him, nor does he want that, thank you very much! but it seems like the only time you and him ever had a proper conversation was when he asked you about your quirk, and that too ended badly, with barely any words exchanged. but at least you used to smile at him. not that he liked it or anything, but it was better than you giving him the cold shoulder.

are the extras actually more interesting to you than katsuki is? he’s a little miffed if that’s the case. but whenever he talks, you hear him, sometimes even respond to him, so perhaps it’s not a matter of ignoring him.

it’s just one thing you do.

you avoid his eyes.

it’s subtle enough that no one else notices, and the first few times he sees you look away when your eyes meet his, his breath catches in his throat and he’s almost too shocked to breathe in.

he knows that he’s not done anything to warrant that reaction from you. perhaps you’re simply realising after a long time that he’s the one you should be paying attention to, rather than all the extras. and perhaps it’s easier for you to pay attention to him with your ears rather than your eyes. he can understand that. your eyes seem to have that effect on him too; it’s entirely possible that this way is easier for you to focus on him.

maybe he makes you nervous.

there are so many maybes, but that thought still makes a grin tug at his lips, seeing which kirishima almost gets nervous. yeah, he’s getting cocky.

but that’s fine. he doesn’t plan on approaching you yet.

after all, if you’re into him, you should be brave enough to tell him.

…

honestly, it’s completely the electric eel’s fault. really, it’s 100% his fault because he thinks it’s fun to talk about stupid shit around katsuki. stupid shit like you possibly having a crush on deku, even though all signs say otherwise.

katsuki was willing to overlook that, but then raccoon eyes decided to encourage that hypothesis, and soon the idiots around him were talking in hushed whispers about deku’s supposed fanclub. such a situation definitely warranted katsuki blowing up their asses during training.

katsuki hates training with deku with a burning passion, but such a situation also warranted going up to him and demanding that he train with katsuki. if only he’d had enough mind to notice that the class was ending. if only he’d not run his mouth—

“they’ll never even look at you.”

deku doesn’t know shit about what katsuki just said, looking at him like he grew another head – which pisses him off even more – but kirishima and the rest of them know—

they know that katsuki is still hung up over that stupid conversation from days back, and they also know something’s up, and katsuki hates himself for being an idiot.

they corner him, as impossible as that sounds. katsuki would’ve blasted them off into outer space but they literally pile up onto him, clinging and refusing to let go of him even when he threatens to beat their ass again. curse sero’s tape.

katsuki would like to say that he fends them all off and throws them off his case. unfortunately, that does not happen. they find out a few things that day. thankfully, the only things they do find out are: you really get on katsuki’s nerves, and you also have a silly little crush on him.

“for real? are you sure?” ashido asks, eyebrows knit together like it’s something particularly unbelievable, and kaminari nods along uncertainly.

katsuki scoffs. “no other reason why they can’t look me in the eye.”

“i mean, you are kinda scary…” sero starts, but one glare from the scary person in question has him trailing off.

kirishima politely provides, “he’s manly!” and the conversation ends there.

…

oh, but the scheming doesn’t end.

kaminari is a bloody idiot, and encouraged by the equally idiotic sero, both of them come up with various scenarios wherein you and katsuki could stumble into each other, completely coincidentally, as if katsuki can’t hear them gossiping right behind him.

he ends up having to intervene when they get increasingly creative, which only means disaster in katsuki’s book.

“i’ll just wait.” he simply shrugs, watching the idiots get confused.

“fun to watch them squirm when they think they’re being subtle,” he offers further, and kirishima gives him a disapproving look, mumbling something about sadists.

“bakugou,” ashido stares at him critically, opening and shutting her mouth many times before eventually asking, “do you like them?”

after several more explosions, katsuki’s heart beating too fast in his chest, the sweat beading at his temples written off as part of his quirk, he’s able to dispel the idea from her mind.

he’ll never like someone like you.

and he’s still wary of you in the secret corner of his mind, not sure why he reacts the way he does to you. he’s not stupid, he knows what a crush is and how it works, but he really can’t see himself being attracted to you at all.

it has to be something someone concocted to get him weak, but they’re not going to succeed.

even if not having your eyes on him pisses him off more, making him feel irrational and prone to dangerous stunts and outbursts. even if not seeing you around much makes him feel like there’s not much to show off to. even if he really doesn’t feel like there’s anything worth showing off when he spies poor little you hanging around his classmates, quirkless and gentle.

gross.

…

katsuki hates being wrong.

katsuki hates knowing he’s wrong.

katsuki barely ever is wrong.

but when he is, he messes up completely.

if he were to possess the ability to correct one thing, he’d just lock up the idiots who call themselves his friends, and not let them near you.

they notice your little mannerisms too, of course they do when katsuki himself told them that you like him. they notice that you don’t meet his eyes and prefer staying away from him, but still respond to him whenever he talks. they notice that you don’t seem to fear him like some people do; almost as if you’re comfortable with him.

and they also notice things he wishes they didn’t notice, like the way his skin reddens imperceptibly when he sees you, and the way he makes an effort to not blast things up too much in your vicinity.

(it’s not really much use anymore, unfortunately.)

it’s definitely kaminari who is to blame; he always is for everything. katsuki doesn’t need any more reason to want to absolutely pummel him, because with the tape idiot’s encouragement, he bounces up to you one day and asks the dreaded question.

“what do you think of bakugou?” the blond asks, grinning from ear to ear as if he’s done something wonderful, but the way your eyebrow creases in confusion makes katsuki’s heart skip a beat. erratic. he doesn’t know what to make of the expression on your face. and no, he’s not waiting for your response, dammit. he’s 100% busy ignoring everyone. he can’t let you know all of his attention is on him, especially when you’re about to turn your head to look in his direction.

“he’s okay,” the words eventually leave your mouth, and he almost snorts. just okay? are you stupid, or just pretending to be? he knows your vocabulary is bigger than that.

“don’t you…” kaminari leans in dramatically, and katsuki has to strain his ears to hear—

“don’t you like him?”

well, hell. guess someone missed the tact memo.

that’s fine, though, katsuki’s okay with that. maybe letting you shyly avoid him isn’t the best course of action when you refuse to make a move.

you let out a non-committal noise, prompting another round of questions. the way you further get confused and respond with questions of your own makes something nag at the back of katsuki’s mind.

there’s something steadily sinking, and said sinking feeling grows the longer you talk to the electric idiot. by this point, katsuki has realised he’s missing something, but he’s still confident that it’s nothing he can’t overlook at this crucial moment when you spill the beans.

“my dear, sweet y/n, don’t you like bakugou?!” kaminari finally exclaims, possibly frustrated, and katsuki internally wheezes. he’s preoccupied with what you’ll say next, so laughing at the idiot’s expense takes a back seat.

he has to hand it to you; you’re really hard to crack, and it’s almost annoying. katsuki’s tempted to just burst his way over to you and demand a clear confession.

the answer isn’t something he’s expecting.

“not that he’s not, y’know, nice and all,” you babble, clearly stalling. you exhale at the same time as katsuki inhaling, and he holds his breath, waiting for the shoe to drop. really, maybe kaminari isn’t so bad if he can actually weasel the truth out of you with his stupid self.

“it’s just… he’s kind of scary. i try not to get in his way.”

kaminari seems just as stumped as katsuki feels in that moment.

“but… the way you act around him…”

well said, pikachu.

“oh.” that single word feels a bit like a gunshot. “oh, oh, i see. oh, no.” you need to stop saying ‘oh’ so many times, as if that changes anything.

“i’m sure he’s a good guy, but nope, i’m not interested in him romantically. i only act so awkward around him because that’s exactly how he makes me feel. i don’t even know him that well.”

can you stop twisting the knife?

“bakugou noticed,” kaminari mumbles, loud enough that katsuki hears. the words sound like they’re laced with pity. katsuki hates it, but what he hates more is how the idiot’s voice lowers to a whisper to say something to you that he really can’t hear from the distance.

katsuki also hates how your lips part and understanding dawns on your face.

he hates how your eyes meet his, head-on, because he completely forgot to look busy and has been gawking at you for the past few minutes. he hates how your eyes widen before a wary expression crosses your face.

katsuki hates the way you make him feel.

“is that what he’s passing it off as?” you ask, loud enough that he can hear. you’re not making an effort to lower your voice either.

kaminari does not respond to you, and you let out a short laugh, no doubt incredulous.

katsuki feels something within himself snap.

he leaves the room.

— note :: feedback is appreciated! :) I like this open ending because there’s a lot that can happen with it, let me know if anyone wants to see more of this! thanks for reading! :) ETA: if you’re interested in a continuation, you can read “honey”! :)

[razberryyum]

Scumbag System (SVSSS donghua) Episode 10 Thoughts (spoilers)

(covers SVSSS chaps 24 - 26, BC Novels Translations)

And thus the first season of the SVSSS donghua comes to an end...rather weirdly abruptly to be honest, but more on that later. Obviously I love the donghua. It was not perfect, but it still exceeded my expectations. I truly appreciate what they were able to do within their budget constraints and I think they captured the spirit of the source material perfectly, which is really all I hope for when it comes to adaptations.  The writing was strong, the humor hit the spot always (for example, when poor Shizun got motion sickness from sword riding, I guffawed), and they also gave us some of the most beautiful characters I’ve ever seen on screen, especially with Shen Qingqiu, Luo Binghe and Liu Qingge. I really, really hope they release official figurines for them. I’m going to start saving my money now just for that possibility.

Even though their time together in this episode was short, the BingQiu love was definitely strong. They gave them a combo move that was not in the source material: for someone like me who grew up watching Cantonese dramas, two characters who have a combo sword move (”雙劍合璧”!) are usually a couple so I was especially tickled by this addition. I am always thankful to the donghua team for the little Easter Eggs they give us for BingQiu, like the way Binghe's eyes lit up when he sees SQQ... 

or when SQQ touches him...

Once again, for those not in the know, it can easily be interpreted as a disciple just being devoted and filial to his Shizun. But for those of us who have read the novel, of course we know it’s indication of Bingmei falling in love with SQQ. I love how subtle yet significant these little expressions of Binghe’s are, and I hope they continue on with these little touches even in the next season. 

Of course then there are the more obvious gestures, like that HUG:

It lasted for a good 15 seconds and oh my God look at the Binghe’s hand placement!  There was totally nipple groppage happening there! This wasn’t in the book by the way...SQQ didn’t get woozy and Binghe most definitely didn’t have to catch him like some fainting damsel, so we have the donghua team to thank for this wonderful moment of (sexy) physical contact between the two of them. 

The donghua team was also especially generous in this episode since not only did we get some BingQiu love, but we got a pinch of LiuShen and QiJiu love too.

LQG’s eyes were on SQQ the entire time! And then Yue Qingyuan as usual took any opportunity he got to touch his Qingqiu.  So all shippers were fed. Hell, they even threw in some more straight-baiting again so peeps who are watching the show for the “straight” romance between Luo Binghe and his never-to-be-future-wife Qin Wanyue were fed too since the scene where Binghe gives her the handkerchief to wipe away her tears were not in the chapters of the book for this episode, and racking my brain I don’t even think it was in the book, period. I’m trying to remember if that handkerchief even holds any significance but even if it does, it’s all for naught since we know Qin Wanyue is at most just a minor side character. She does pop up again later on but then is mostly forgotten, so...not quite sure what that moment was all about other than to, I don’t know, throw off the censors?

I’m also not sure why we spent so much time with Liu Mingyan and Gongyi Xiao in this episode. Nothing against them personally, I like both characters very much (despite my previous complaints about GYX’s character design), and it’s not that they don’t deserve more screen time, but this was the season finale! Even though the next season has been announced, God knows when we’ll see it next year and how many episodes it would be, so every minute of screen time matters! That’s why I was a bit puzzled that they used up half of the episode showing LMY basically facing the same perils with her group of fellow disciples as before and GYX just running from that huge serpent. Even if that thing DOES turn out to be Zhuzhi-lang, it was still a bit much. They weren’t exactly character building scenes either so...why? Budget reasons? Didn’t have enough money to pay SQQ’s voice actor (Wu Lei-laoshi) so they had to stick in miscellaneous scenes to lessen his screen time? 

I’m kidding of course. God I hope that wasn’t the reason because that would just be sad.

Speaking of miscellaneous scenes though, what was going on with these two dudes?

I gotta admit, I’m a bit salty that these two mob characters got to do what our main couple can’t. What’s their story? Why do they get special privileges? Damn these nobodies. XD

All kidding aside, I have to say, of all the episodes this season, this might be the weakest one, not only because of the “filler” scenes, but also, the way the episode ended was so odd, especially for a season finale. The season basically ended on a scene transition. Not a cliffhanger, just a scene transition, and then cut to credits. What?? Why??? It’s almost as if they just ran out of time so had to stop the show all of a sudden. And then as if to make up for it, they added post-credit scenes which, honestly blew me away because it was so unexpected. It was indeed almost enough to make me completely forgive the weakness of the episode as a whole and that weird-ass ending.

I teared up!  The scene was kind of chopped up, didn’t even flow that smoothly, but I still got emotional! I’m sure when I see this scene in its entirety next season I am just going to be destroyed. I think they made it even more gut-wrenching than it was in the novel. Looks like the donghua team really aren’t gonna hold back when it comes to delivering the BingQiu knives. 

We also got to see Mobei-jun appear in the post-credits scene; I guess they had to stick him in there since he was featured in the poster for this season, so it would have been weird if he didn’t at least make an appearance.

I immediately thought of him as Sephiroth’s younger cousin when I first saw him on the poster and I still feel that way. Anyone related to Sephiroth, I will approve and instantly have affection for. For the MoShang shippers’ sake, I hope the Shang Qinghua they create for him will be just as pretty. I think I can now safely discard my guess from last time and also that moon-faced bearded ojisan others have guessed. We actually got a glimpse of the real deal in this sequence:

They strategically made him blurry so you can’t really make out his features, but what we still can tell from there is that he does not have facial hair (hence, he cannot be the ojisan) and the hair crown he’s wearing is silver and different from the twinky sect leader. So I guess we’ll be getting a fresh out of the microwave Airplane Bro instead of any of the no-name potential cannon fodder we’ve already seen. 

We’ll probably get the abyss opening up in maybe even the first episode of next season but that’ll still leave a lot of ground to be covered in just 10 episodes (rumored). There haven’t been any talk about a third season, but I really hope it’ll happen, even though it might take them a while to make it. I know it’s premature to even think of a third season when we haven’t even gotten an actual release date for the second, but I’m greedy because I already miss the donghua. This season was over so quickly, I’m already mourning the lack of new episodes. I hope we get the second season in the first quarter of next year and then by some miracle, a third or even fourth to properly finish out the story. I know we will never get the FULL story, but as long as they keep the spirit of BingQiu’s love and continue to hint at it like they’ve been doing this season, I will be more than satisfied. 

And while I’m wishful thinking for new seasons, I hope we also get a BingQiu duet and character songs. I love the opening and ending theme this season, if they want to save money I totally don’t mind if they just use the same OP/ED themes in the next season as well, but I hope they throw in a good BingQiu insert song and then release some individual character songs as well. I’m still not a fan of Binghe’s voice, but maybe they can have someone else do his vocals for the songs. SVSSS is the older son of MXTX’s works, I feel like it already got short-shrifted in terms of adaptation since it got the lesser budget compared to MDZS and TGCF. Hopefully with how popular the donghua is this season, it will be given a bigger budget next season so they can bring to life all the subsequent proceedings from the book properly. And whatever they’re paying Wu Lei-laoshi, SQQ’s voice actor, they should double it because that man is just amazing. I worship his voice and performance. I wish he would read the audiobook version of the the novel. I would listen to the hell out of that.  I have always loved SQQ, but if I’m going to be honest, I came into the show just a little more excited about seeing Bingge being brought to life. I still love Binghe of course, in all his phases, however, now,  because of Wu Lei-laoshi’s stellar voice performance (and of course SQQ’s beautiful looks), I’m leaving this season absolutely head over heels about SQQ/Shen Yuan. Also thanks to the show, I’m completely obsessed with Liu Qingge as well.  So for those two reasons, I will eternally be grateful to the donghua team.  

[gothhisoka]

𝖍𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝖚𝖓𝖎𝖛𝖊𝖗𝖘𝖎𝖙𝖞

𝔠𝔥𝔞𝔭𝔱𝔢𝔯 18- 𝔞 𝔪𝔞𝔰𝔨𝔢𝔡 𝔫𝔦𝔤𝔥𝔱

Fandom: Hunter x Hunter

Ships: Chrollo x Reader, Leorio x Kurapika, Hisoka x Illumi

Genre: romance, dark academia, royalcore, university AU

Word count: 3k

Background: This is from my (gothhisoka) fanfic on Wattpad and AO3 called Hunter University. It is Chrollo x OC, but I decided to change it around for Tumblr. Both Chrollo and y/n are hiding things from each other but are both feeling the same attraction. A masquerade ball is held at your university. You don’t know if he even wants to dance with you, but apparently he does. He wants to do even more than that.

Tags: Fluff, first kiss, sfw

The masquerade hall was astounding. The high stone walls were adorned with scarlet silk banners. Golden fabric streamers hung from every banister of the second-level balconies. As in the entrance, symbols of cherubs and mythical creatures were splashed across the ceiling in a dizzying array. The light was dim, for all the chandeliers were set low in the traditional style of Venetian masquerades. Candelabras were scattered on every table and upon every wall.

Symphonic music was emanating from the open stage in the front of the room. A live orchestra was playing a gentle concerto as the students poured in. It was only 7:10, so not many were on the floor. The true dancing would start in another couple of minutes.

It was a scene out of a fairytale. The hundreds of breathtakingly dressed students only added to the general fervor of it all.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Chrollo said as he looked towards you. It was unclear whether he was talking about the room or how you looked tonight. Your bright eyes shone out underneath a bronze mask, which was catching the candlelight within its shiny material.

Still entranced, you were led by Chrollo to the table they had reserved. The troupe followed behind, engrossed in their conversation while you both remained in your own little world. He put his hand on the small of your back, simply aching to touch you once again. The feeling was mutual.

On the table, there were glasses already set up accompanied by a lavish bouquet of flowers. Uvogin pulled out a couple of bottles of champagne he clearly swiped from the restaurant. Everyone dropped off their bags at the table.

It appeared as if not all of the troupe members would be dancing. Franklin was already seated with his arms crossed. You looked at him questioningly, after which he said, "I have to guard the stuff." It was clear by his tone that he actually meant "I don't like to dance."

You smiled placidly and nodded in understanding. He was an unusual sort of guy. She was beginning to like him already. In fact, the whole Phantom Troupe was becoming gradually more likable as the night progressed.

You looked for Kurapika to bid him one last warning before he got whisked away by Leorio. By the time she spotted him, it was already too late.

You watched as Kurapika scratched at the back of his head, suddenly unaware of what to do with his arms. He was apparently awestruck by his dance partner's appearance.

The two made their shy greetings. Kurapika reached for his hand as any chivalrous partner would do. 

Soon a waltz commenced, floating around the room. A subtle violin and cello duet beckoned people out onto the floor.

You watched as Kurapika led Leorio out, their suit jackets glimmering synchronously as the lights passed. They took position still near their group's table, but far enough to have room to dance.

The wide floor soon filled with numerous other couples. Hisoka led Illumi out alongside Uvogin and Nobunaga. Hisoka and Illumi were practically professional dancers from the very start, moving to an elaborate step that drew the attention of all the students. People nearly cleared the floor to make room for them. This annoyed Illumi to no end, while Hisoka displayed a wild grin. They twirled, dipped, and did intricate step sequences, unquestionably rehearsed to perfection.

The rest were not as remarkably polished. Still, they appeared to be equally enjoying themselves.

Leorio and Kurapika laughed as one of them accidentally stepped upon the other toes or missed a movement. While they lacked coordination, they surely didn't lack chemistry. This was a good sign.

You could see their mouths moving but the music drowned out their voices. Kurapika attempted to guide Leorio in the basic box step, turning him once in a while. 

Most ignored the cameramen or simply didn't notice them lurking in hidden spots. You had some otherworldly feeling that sensed them under the shadows in the balconies. 

"Are you done watching?" Chrollo asked, holding his hand out to you just as Kurapika had done with Leorio.

You hadn't realized you were still staring out towards the masked partners on the floor. The ball was entirely overwhelming; the sound, the rapid movements, and the room itself were causing your head to spin.

Nonetheless, you snapped out of it and processed what Chrollo had just said. You just got offered a dance. A dance with him. 

You knew his indicative gestures were leading somewhere. That somewhere was here, into his arms. 

In front of hundreds of students, not to mention journalists itching to get a photo of the boy who was so famous. Not to mention his dance partner, who was no more than a low-level hunter wannabe.

Now's not the time to get nervous. This is what you wanted. Isn't it?

You stared down at his hand as if to ask "for me?"

You peered up to see the most gentle face slowly becoming riddled with doubt.

"This is what you want, isn't it?"

Is it? 

Now that you are actually here, in the position that used to be visible only in your imagination, you feel immense pressure.

In these weeks past, you didn't even question what you were getting herself into. To be fair, you weren’t sure what this night would be, exactly. Would you be met with a closed-off boy whose coldness warded you away or the courteous man who would rather teach you nen lessons than see you fail?

Is it even safe to get this close?

Chrollo's personality had shifted in the span of the night. It became full of genuine interest rather than his usual impassive curiosity. He, as a person, was becoming all the more real.

Real was dangerous.

This stream of consciousness only took a second. It took one look into Chrollo's eyes to know what your answer would be.

"This is what I want."

It was the first step. No, rather it was your first leap off a skyscraper.

You were falling. Hard.

His grip was delicate, holding your hand as if it was made of glass. Chrollo felt strange, being so unsure. He was normally an expert at figuring out people– what they felt and why they acted the way they did. 

You, on the other hand, were a labyrinth. He had always been so hesitant for this reason. Chrollo needed to be able to figure out a person in order to get close to them. With you, there was something buried deeper than you let on. It was virtually impossible to uncover. You put up almost as good of a front as Chrollo.

Or perhaps it was Chrollo's own mind that was muddied at the thought of you. His intentions versus yours, his morals versus yours. It all began to matter very much. What would he think in the end, after he got out of your what he so desired?

Nevermind that now. For Chrollo was feeling a mutual enthusiasm that you were plainly exhibiting. He led you out to the floor.

The Phantom Troupe watched with apprehension. They weren't used to their boss being so amiable. He couldn't be swayed by a simple person, and yet here he was.

"Can you dance?" Chrollo turned to you, putting an arm upon your shoulder. You already almost melted under the single touch.

You had reached the middle of the floor, far from the troupe. Was he that confident in his own dancing? The center could be viewed from all sides and balconies. You were sure to stand out.

"Not well," you said candidly.

Chrollo began a light step, swaying from side to side. This newfound tenderness was surprising. He was treating you as if you were a queen. And you couldn't get enough of it.

Wanting to grasp for more of this certain side of him, you said, "I can do more than this."

"As you wish," Chrollo said with a gracious smile.

He immediately followed a more complicated step, falling in line with the other couples on the floor. You pretended to ignore their whispers.

Just as you thought. He is an incredible dancer.

Every time you struggled to keep up he would adjust his pace. You worked like hands on a clock, moving as if set to one another's rhythm. The music now was a quicker allegro beat.

Your attire fanned out as you turned: your right hand in his, your arm on his shoulder. 

Now it was the students' turn to stare at Chrollo and you. It was unclear if it was because they recognized the boy under the mask, or they were observing the electrifying chemistry.

You couldn't help but beam as you sailed across the floor. Chrollo did not break eye contact and you did your best to do the same. 

A feeling overcame you as you continued to hold his hand in yours. It couldn't be described as fireworks or sparks, as often depicted by the romance novels she's read. It was more of an awakening.

Despite the weather turning cold, you felt as if it was spring. A revival. Things were blossoming, the rain washed away the grey of winter.

He was your spring.

It was odd. For Chrollo could be explained more effectively as ominous and intimidating, unlike a bright spring day. He should've been cold stone walls, closed doors, secret passageways.

But no, he was warmth itself.

If only you would turn away for a second you would notice a coldness settle that hadn't been there before. 

The way he looked tonight in his dazzling suit and mask, the way he said all those uncharacteristically gracious words: these were the things you would have etched in your memory for a very, very long time. Now, without Chrollo it would feel as if something were missing.

You would not realize this yet, as you were still in a state of pure elation. It was only the beginning.

But this was the connection you felt. Having it defined opened up a world of possibilities. 

Who would've known, it all came into fruition at a masquerade ball.

                                          ━━━━━♥♠♣♦━━━━━

After a couple more songs, you left the floor. Sweat prickled at your brow. You were left panting after a rapid final dance.

Several students couldn't help but clap. You hadn't even done a thing. You were sure it was Chrollo's dancing that gained all the attention.

"You're better than I expected," you said.

Chrollo brushed back his hair which had fallen in his face with all the movement.  "I would say the same to you, y/n." He smiled, sizing your up.

You didn't dispute his return of the compliment. He was right. 

At the group table, Kurapika and Leorio were sitting drinking glass after glass of the bootlegged champagne. It would've been inappropriate to bring alcohol to such a prestigious event if many other tables weren't doing the same. Apparently, the students here did know how to have a good time.

Chrollo went to talk to Franklin as you sat next to Leorio and Kurapika.

"You both were amazing!" Leorio exclaimed as you approached. 

You grinned, "Where have you two been?"

"We were on the floor too, didn't you see us?"

You tried to laugh it off, "No... I was a little distracted." 

To be fair, you didn't notice the cameras, the students, or the other dancers either. 

"Sooo are you two going back out?" Leorio asked, leaning on his hand. His words slurred slightly.

You looked over your shoulder at Chrollo. He looked serious as he talked to Franklin. "I'm not sure. Are you two?"

"Yes, we plan on trying the group dance. Just like we practiced," Kurapika said, giving you a knowing look.

The synchronized dance was the signature of the ball. All those who learned it were allowed to participate. It was the last dance, so they would still be sitting for a while. The time was now around 9:00 and the hall would be closed by 12:00 a.m.

Before they could converse any further, Chrollo gently put a hand on your shoulder. "Sorry to interrupt, but I have something to show you, y/n."

He held his hand out again. This time you took it with no hesitation. 

"Ok," you leaped up, flattening out your dress.

You were all too willing to go wherever Chrollo pleased. There wasn't even a point where she needed to remind herself who this man was. His charm had influenced you too far already. There was no going back.

Kurapika gave you a warning look. You threw him back a smile. This did nothing to reassure him.

Chrollo interlaced his fingers slowly with yours, hesitating as you crossed under the balconies. You could've dissolved right then and there. It only further confirmed his gentlemanly attitude and respect towards you.

You couldn't even look at him. You felt your face growing hotter by the second. Thank god for a mask and several layers of foundation.

To your surprise, you were led far from the dance floor. You ended up at a small door in a quiet corner of the ballroom. The spot was underneath the alcoves and not a soul was in sight. Moonlight poured in from the tiny stained-glass windows.

"It's through here," Chrollo said, his voice barely audible over the orchestral music.

"Do I get to know where you're taking me?" You stopped in your tracks. You were thinking of what Kurapika would say. Even though you would follow him at the drop of a coin, you weren’t that stupid. He is a man, before all else. 

Something flashed in Chrollo's eyes. Was he hurt by your sudden distrust? 

"I'll show you. I promise you'll like it," Chrollo replied, creaking open the door.

There was nothing at first, only darkness. But stepping through the door bestowed an even more enchanting sight than the ballroom.

You gasped, "I didn't realize there was a courtyard out here."

Chrollo looked at you as if he were seeing you the first time tonight again. The profile of your face was highlighted by the moonlight. your jawline was your only feature that stood out, the rest of your was soft under the haze of darkness. The surrounding blue contrasted against your fading red lipstick. your hair had grown significantly more disheveled but it still looked utterly smooth. If Chrollo was bolder he would've run his hand through it and took you by your waist and done things he surely would regret for initiating too soon... he wanted to savor the moment when it inevitably came.

He smiled, despite himself. Neither of you noticed the cold, still warmed from dancing only moments ago. Chrollo watched as your eyes soaked in the scene before you.

It seemed as if the bushes and trees saved their last breaths for this space alone. Fall leaves hung over a gravel path. Ivy snaked up the surrounding structures, all encapsulating the tiny yard. A small table sat in the center of the path upon which a lantern was placed. He had come prepared.

The whole night: he had anticipated it all. He had realized your love, and, at this moment, you realized his. What he had yet to figure out was the depth of those feelings or where they came from. Or, most importantly, what was tucked underneath those feelings. That was what tonight was for.

The orchestra still echoed faintly through the ancient walls.

"Shall we dance? I never did like dancing in front of a crowd,"

You redirected your eyes to an equally beautiful scene. You were still in reverence. It was obvious now that he had planned it all.

Your heart swelled like an ocean wave, but all you could manage to get out was, "Are we supposed to be here?"

Chrollo looked at you dangerously, "To remind you, I'm not supposed to be anywhere." 

Before you could say another word, Chrollo stepped forward and lifted both his and your own mask off of your faces. 

"There."

Chrollo's undivided visage was in view now. The curve of his nose and tops of his cheekbones caught the light of the moon. His downcast eyelashes were full, framing his silver eyes.

As for Chrollos view, he simply needed to see your whole face to be sure that what you felt was really true. When he saw the arching of your lips and widened eyes, he knew it was.

He grasped your hand in preparation to waltz, deliberately intertwining his hand with yours. 

Timed perfectly, the music slowed. It was a couples' number. Inevitably, this had also somehow been planned by Chrollo.

This dancing was quite different than before. It was full of significance.

The song picked up with a violin. Chrollo pulled you close, your bodies almost touching. Your heat radiated off of one another. You felt almost giddy with attraction. What you wanted to do to him was far past your confidence, but you wanted it all the same.

His eyes didn't leave yours. A slight smile persisted on his lips. He hadn't enjoyed himself so much in years. And the last time he felt something like this, it wasn't nearly as genuine.

You swayed from side to side with only the moonlight and distant concerto guiding your steps. You made a move to rest your head on his shoulder. It was so that you could not look into his eyes as you spoke your next words. You snaked your arms behind his neck while he placed his around your hips. It felt good to be so close. You felt secure in his arms.

You really hoped this was going where she thought it was. But you needed to be certain.

"I want to know if this is true," you whispered, breaking the tranquil silence. Your breath was hot against his neck. It drove him absolutely mad. 

Unknowingly, you had echoed back the words Chrollo had been retracing in his head throughout the night. Is this true?

He feigned ignorance of the meaning behind your statement. "What's true?" Chrollo whispered back.

"Is all this premeditation for something else? Another scheme?"

Chrollo suddenly turned serious, "I will never do that to you again. This is for real."

You pulled back to look into his eyes, "But what is this?" 

Your face was lined with apprehension. After all that happened tonight, it still wasn't clear. Chrollo needed to change that.

He looked down at you, attempting to convey what you meant to him in his eyes. They overflowed with tenderness, admiration, and worship, even. 

You hadn't realized that he had these emotions in him. Now you understood. It was all because they were reserved for you.

His movement was swift. He lowered his face to yours, soaking in your divine scent. You didn't anticipate what was about to happen until his lips delicately brushed against your own, asking for an invitation. He clearly didn't need one, for your body responded immediately. Your hand trailed up to the side of his face. Chollo pulled your hips towards him. Your eyes fluttered shut.

And you kissed. 

It was intoxicating.

The taste of him nearly silenced your thoughts. It was a tang of wine and sweetness. You tried to let the feeling seep into your bones, agonizing over its ephemeral nature. 

Your surroundings dissolved into the inky night. You focused on how soft his mouth felt, how his hands upon your hips made you want to yield to all he could offer, and, in turn, all you could ever desire.

Seconds later, you unwillingly pulled apart. Your whole body tingled, edging for more. Both of your heartbeats were fluttering a rapid cadence. Remaining there for a moment– foreheads touching, breath tickling one another lips– you savored each other's presence. 

Your kiss was unlike anything either of you had experienced before. It was born out of lust but resulted in something deeper. Floating to the surface was an unbound attraction sparked by one mouth on another.

You both were left smiling with flushed cheeks. Goosebumps prickled on your arms.

"I hope that made it clear," Chrollo said pulling away at last.

The warmth disappeared and you were left in a state of longing. You could still feel the touch of his lips upon yours, a ghost of his sensitive movements.

You smiled lightly at him, "It did."

Chrollo held out an arm for you. "We best be getting back now."

You were frozen in place, coming to your senses. Holy shit.

The enormity of what that kiss meant came crashing down upon you. What would this mean moving forward? Everything had seemed so temporary with Chrollo, coming in and out of your life as he did in the past month. Was this temporary as well?

There was no time to dwell upon the future of their relationship. Although the promise of privacy in the courtyard tempted you to stay, there was still one more number to dance. 

                                      ━━━━━♥♠♣♦━━━━━

[softcannoli]

you are the person who got me to watch the untamed and now I am BEGGING you to tell me what guardian is and where I can watch it.. is there time travel because sometimes I see two gifsets that do not seem like they're from the same show

ooohhhhhhhhohohohohohohohoohohhooo ohhhhhhh boy where do i even start

so uhhhhh Guardian is an on-fire trashcan of a show and also the only thing I've been able to think about for like a month. It's based on the novel of the same name by Priest, which I have not yet read but have heard is very good.

I say "based on" bc I have been given to understand that it is a VERY loose adaptation, bc the novel is pretty much entirely about That Gay Shit™, the undead, reincarnation, and literal gods, all of which IIRC are big no-nos under censorship laws. So the show had to get a little creative, and so now it's about aliens? and time travel? sort of? It's weird, but that's okay, because the show is far more interested in the homoerotic subtext, of which there is OODLES.

So basically our two main characters are:

Zhao Yunlan, who is a regular human dude who is in charge of Special Investigations Department, or SID, which is essentially the department of Supernatural Monster Cops, who are responsible for making sure superpowered underground alien people don't come up to the surface and run roughshod over regular humans, and

Shen Wei, a mild-mannered university professor who is Actually Ten Thousand Years Old, and is also secretly a superpowered underground alien person. He knew a dude 10,000 years ago who looks exactly like Zhao Yunlan for unknown (timey-wimey) reasons, and was very obviously in love with him, so when he meets Zhao Yunlan he is IMMEDIATELY lost in the yearning.

There's also a bunch of other people who work under Zhao Yunlan in the SID, and they are all absolutely delightful and have a whole found-family sort of dynamic going on.

Is this a good show? I think if I'm being totally honest I would have to say no? But is terrible in a bunch of truly delightful ways. The CGI is literally shit-tier. Some of the props could not more obviously be made out of craft foam and paper-mache. The quality of the dubbing work is really uneven, and by the last 15 episodes or so they seem to completely give up and some of the lines are dubbed over by someone who is CLEARLY not the same voice are the person speaking. A lot of the writing choices make NO sense, and the plot starts to go completely off the rails somewhere just past the halfway point. (there's also some stuff that is bad in like, a bad way, but I'll talk about that a bit at the end of the post)

The thing about this show is that it's gay. Like GAY gay. Like The Untamed was pretty gay, but I could conceivably see someone cover their ears and shut their eyes to all the gay subtext in that show and convince themselves there's a heterosexual explanation for everything. Not so with Guardian. Like, I really, legitimately cannot fathom even the most willfully ignorant person not picking up on the vibes between Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei. I simply cannot picture it. There is, in fact, NO heterosexual explanation for them.

The show throws in the most flimsy, half-hearted nods to the idea that Zhao Yunlan and Shen Wei are just Good Platonic Buddies, and then in the next scene will just drop in a 5-10 minute sequence of Shen Wei taking a sick Zhao Yunlan home, tucking him into bed, staring at his sleeping face with a face full of tenderness and longing, and then cleaning his apartment and folding his laundry for him. It's fucking unreal.

The show was very clearly trying to push the limits of subtext to see exactly how much they could get away with, and as far as I can tell the answer they got was "not that much", bc I've heard some suggestion that the show was pulled shortly after broadcast for another round of edits.

So it's on Viki, but if you don't want to pay for a streaming service and don't mind sliiiightly sketchier subs, it's also on Youtube! It might be some other places too, but those are the ones I know about.

I'm going to stop now bc this post could seriously be like 5 times longer but please watch Guardian and join me in my daily cries about Shen Wei (Zhao Yunlan can come too I guess, but it's mostly about Shen Wei, bc of the inherent eroticism of loyalty and life debts)

Lastly, bc I would be remiss not to mention it, here's some warnings about the worst things I can remember off the top of my head. I personally still think the show was well worth watching, but there's a few things I sort of wish I had known going into it, beyond the vague warning "the ending sucks". It's gonna be spoilers, so read at your own risk.

There's some talk about suicide in the first arc which isn't really that bad in the grand scheme of things, but can come across as dismissive and/or insensitive. There's an arc somewhere in the mid-20s that leans on some really ableist "split-personality" tropes. I will fully admit that the only thing that kept me watching at that point was the knowledge that this would be over in an episode or two, and the fact that the youtube subtitles translated comments about other character's behavior as "cringe", which I found an extremely funny translation choice.

And lastly, the finale. The finale is bad in a number of ways, but the biggest and easiest to explain is that the show goes full Bury Your Gays and kills off both Shen Wei and Zhao Yunlan. ( and then another entity takes control of Zhao Yunlan's body?? so the general public doesn't actually know he's dead?? which I found pretty uncomfortable) But like basically my view of the ending is that if something bad happened, No It Didn't. Which seems to be the general opinion, since apparently Priest went back and wrote an extra epilogue chapter to fix the drama's ending.

[hookedonapirate]

Book Sneak Peek

A/N: For those of you who don’t know, I’ve been converting A Helping Hand to an original novel. After months of frustration from not knowing what to leave and what to take out because of the ridiculous length of this story, I’m finally close to being finished with it. It’s currently in the process of being edited and polished. This is a sneak peek of my new book. Unlike my first novel, this one is set in "The Big Apple” just like AHH. It features Harper and Audrey (Emma and Elsa in AHH) from Follow My Lead, and Derrick, Elisa and their daughter, Gracie, make an appearance at the end. 

I also wanted to let everyone know I will most likely be taking A Helping Hand down, even though I’ll be self-publishing. I know I said I wouldn’t, and actually I’m really sad about it, but after going through it, I realized it’s completely full of errors, misspellings and whatnot. Plus, I didn’t just change the names of characters and remove ouat elements; even though it’s the same story and the scenes pretty much follow the same sequence, apart from what I took out or added, I’ve made A LOT of changes to it, and I don't really want another version of my book out there. I encourage you to download A Helping Hand while you still can. But I will definitely let everyone know before that happens.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy another sneak peek!

I groan into the fluffy pillow my face is burrowed in. My head’s pounding, I feel like someone drilled a hole through my skull, my throat is dry and nausea lingers in my stomach. Slowly dragging my arm away from under my face, I open my eyes to a dim room, the curtains shielding any sunlight trying to burst through.

I take a minute to roll over, my eyes adjusting to the room as I lift my head slowly, taking in my surroundings. 

Nothing seems familiar. 

Granted, the guest room in my brother’s apartment is not very familiar either, but at least it reminds me of Brady. This room does not. It’s too pink and girly.

“Where the hell am I?” I grumble hoarsely.

I’m surrounded by pale pink walls and white furniture—a chair decorated with pink, frilly pillows, a bookcase lined with romance novels, a vanity and a nightstand with a pink, furry lamp. The curtains are made of white lace and there’s a large wall hanging that reads in large, cursive writing, Be your own kind of beautiful. 

My eyes scan the comforter, which is also pink, along with more frilly pillows.

This is definitely not my brother’s guestroom.

This is definitely a chick’s room.

My eyes widen in horror at the revelation.

This cannot be happening.

Gathering further evidence to solve the mystery as to how I ended up in some woman’s bed, I sharply lift the covers and peer underneath them, seeing that, yep, I’m bare-ass naked.

“Fuck.”

I let my head sink back into the pillow as I drag my hands over my face. I can’t believe my first night in New York, I hooked up with some random woman.

I went to the bar with those intentions in my dispirited condition, but I don’t recall picking up anyone. In fact, I have no recollection of last night beyond the bar. Which means I was way too smashed to hook up with anyone.

I need to leave. I’m not the type of guy to fuck someone and run off the next morning without at least buying her coffee or getting her phone number. To be honest, I’m not the type of guy who does one-night stands, but I’m in no shape to be involved in anything resembling a relationship. 

 Judging by the breakfast she’s making, this woman has other plans. The door is closed but I can hear dishes clanking around in the kitchen. And as I spot my clothes across the room, I doubt a woman expecting nothing more than a one-night stand would go to the trouble of picking up my clothes from the floor, folding them neatly and setting them in the chair. She certainly wouldn’t be making me breakfast.

I sit up slowly and place my feet on the floor, hoping this will stop the room from spinning around me. I drop my face in my hands and groan. I haven’t felt this hungover in years. I eventually stand up and grab the knitted blanket I’ve been sleeping on, securing it around my waist. I go to the window and pull back the curtain.

I’m on the third floor, judging by the number of windows beneath her unit. I remember little about the surroundings, but I do remember seeing the pancake house directly across the street and I remember thinking about how much I missed my mom’s chocolate chip pancakes. I also remember the bar I went to last night and seeing the barbershop next to it and thinking how badly I need a haircut. The names of the establishments are all the same. Which means only one thing. 

The woman I slept with last night lives in the same building and floor as my brother. 

Fuck.

I have a feeling this won’t end well. I let the curtain fall into place and turn around when I hear a gentle knock on the door.

Shit. 

I swallow thickly as the door opens. Panic flares inside me as I try to think up a way to get out of the pickle I’m in. I scramble toward the chair which holds my clothes.

“Owen, you awake?” 

I whirl around until I’m face to face with the most beautiful green eyes and golden hair I’ve ever seen in my life. I drag a hand through my disheveled hair, my eyes traveling down her body. She’s wearing a thin, pink bathrobe, exposing a pair of long, sexy legs that go on for days.

Legs I can definitely imagine wrapped around me.

Damn, I hit the jackpot last night. 

She’s beautiful, which is either a relief or extremely dangerous; I can’t decide which one.

She strides over to me, bearing a glass of water and a cheerful smile. I’m still stunned by how beautiful she is. “Morning, sunshine. Sleep well?” 

She’s teasing me and I like it.

How in the hell did I forget a night with a woman like her? I must’ve been out of it. “I have a splitting headache and the room is still spinning.” I press my fingertips against my temples, feeling them pounding underneath my touch, “Other than that, I’m perfect.”

“I can imagine,” she says with a giggle. 

Her giggle is the most delightful sound I’ve ever heard in my entire life, even with a splitting headache. 

“Here, I got you something that might help with that.” She offers me a glass of water and some aspirin.

“Thank you.” I graciously accept the aspirin and water, deciding this isn’t so bad. 

“What, no ‘thank you, beautiful’? Guess you’re really not feeling well,” she says playfully. 

Fuck. I even called her beautiful, which means I was laying on the charm pretty thick last night. I offer a frail smile, despite feeling terrible. Not only because of the alcohol. I feel terrible for getting her into bed while I was inebriated and miserable from my breakup. And she was probably drunk too, which makes me feel even worse. Although, she doesn’t appear to have a hangover. Maybe she’s one of those people who doesn’t get hangovers after they get drunk. If she is, she’s pretty lucky.

I swallow the pills, and as I wash them down with water, I know the right thing to do is tell her I’m not ready for a relationship or a woman in my life, but how can I? I don’t really want to see her smile dissipate, especially since she turned out to be so nice and sweet and beautiful.

I lower the glass and close my eyes briefly, the coolness of the liquid feeling quite soothing against my cracked lips and dry throat. Damn, if only I could remember exactly what I did to this woman with my mouth as my tongue slashes along my lips. If only I could remember what she did to me with that lush mouth of hers. A shiver skates down my spine. I try to shake the thoughts from my mind and try to speak but struggle to find the words. It’s difficult when this woman is staring at me with those intense green eyes. I desperately want to scoop her into my arms and kiss her senselessly, creating new memories of having her in bed, but I know that would only end very badly. Even more so than it’s already going to. The last thing I want to do is lead her on.

Somehow, I manage to refrain from kissing her. “Listen...I don’t remember much about last night and you’re…” My hand makes a grand, sweeping gesture down her form, “drop-dead gorgeous...and I’m sure last night was incredible...but my girlfriend just dumped me and my head’s a mess right now, so, I...” she eyeballs me in confusion as I will myself to continue, “I think we should just be friends.” At the same time, I reason with myself that we’ve already done God knows what, so there’s no harm in a quick kiss on the cheek, right? Besides, I may not be ready for a relationship, but I’m still a gentleman.

I step into her space and casually lean in to kiss her cheek. She smells like strawberries and cream and I can hear her breath hitch as my lips brush along her skin.

“Whoa, what are you doing?” She places her hands on my chest to push me away.

I quickly pull back to give her space, apologies leaving my lips. “Sorry, I just figured since we had sex—”

Her eyes practically pop out of her head. “Wait, you think we had sex?!” 

Well, duh. I shrug. Why else would I have slept naked in her bed and why else wouldn’t she be fazed by my nakedness underneath the blanket? “Didn’t we?”

She dissolves into laughter, to my complete and utter humiliation. “Oh no, no, no, no! We did not have sex.”

Please let me know if you would like to be added or removed from the tag list for future updates and sneak peeks.

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[grainjew]

Random ask time! Care to name ten fics, any fandom, that you have or plan to reread? (Not necessarily your top ten because top ten is hard but ten that you genuinely enjoy.)

hi lynse i can’t believe you slightly switched the ask subject from what you were contemplating sending in dms. yes i do care to do this!!! fics follow

these are arranged in literally no order whatsoever except vaguely the order I remembered they existed and tragically they will mostly not be readable for you lynse on account of us sharing fandoms basically never. but in any case!!! let’s go!!!!

A Professor and a Student - LeDiz - Pokemon Anime (Alola) - multichap, complete - Professor Kukui’s pov outsider on Ash, through interstitial set during the first season of Alola anime. This fic is the fic that got me into pokeani in the first place, and I have reread it all the way through at least once and specific chapters genuinely so many times. it’s good! it’s got so many fun reveals! it’s even got a surprise plot! if someone is in pokeani fandom though there’s like a 95% chance they’ve already read it, so it’s kind of pointless to recommend

Broken Rules and Consequences - Redring 91 - Doctor Who (All Eras) - series, ongoing i think - This is one that i’m planning to reread rather than one i’ve already reread: I first read it back when i was originally into dw, in like 2013, and honestly lynse the timing was probably right for me to have recced it to you back then. in any case i have a friend who vouches for its continued quality, and it was straight-up the only dw fic i kept up with for several years after i first fell out of the dw fandom. it’s a really excellent exploration of all the times the doctor has met their past and future selves, and i highly recommend it. it’s also very long, so watch out!

An Unexpected Greeting - kimirice​ - Pokemon Anime (Alola) - threeshot, ongoing - it’s a fic in the “cynthia runs into ash in alola and dumbfounds his entire class” genre and it’s a good one. my favorite one. i reread it whenever i want to feel serotonin in my bones. serotonin does not go in bones. whatever, this fic is such a joy, it’s pretty short, please read it if you too want serotonin in your bones on account of revealssssss

Phone A Friend - TheBigCat - Doctor Who (Seventh Doctor Era / Gallifrey Audios Era) - oneshot - this is another “reread when i want serotonin in my bones” fic. it really is amazing just how much joy can be stored in a single 1K oneshot, it makes me so happy, that’s ace’s space dad........... wahhh the au - everything’s fine tag on this one really carries it right into my heart

dreamt you a kinder future - Sixteenthdays - Dream SMP - multichap, ongoing - my FRIENDS forcibly got me into the damn MINECRAFT RP. this is all you will see of it on this blog ever because i do have SOME dignity left but if you HAVE gotten bodily dragged into caring about the block men yourself please do enjoy this time travel fixit about pre-plot Dream getting dropped into post-Doomsday era canon and dealing with the fact that his future self is evil and ruined all his relationships. its very good i reread the ranboo chapter regularly

The Red Coast - Maldoror_Chant - One Piece - oneshot - genuinely hilarious pov outsider on post-skypiea straw hats via some idiot bounty hunters who think they‘re easy prey. it’s a lot of fun and it took me three entire rereads to catch the punchline, which i am still mad about. please read this fic i am shaking my fist at it

Though She Be But Little, She Is Fierce - Izzyaro - Pokemon Anime (Kalos Era) - multichap, abandoned(?) - a few years after the kalos crisis, Bonnie sets out on her own pokemon journey. told through the eyes of her very alarmed traveling companion, who so incredibly doesn’t know what to make of her. yes, it only has two chapters and hasnt updated in years. i do not care. the chapters stand alone as oneshots and this fic has done so much for me. its like 90% of the reason i write bonnie the way i do its such a joy

Keeping a Welcome - Gramarye (ao3 | ffn) - The Dark is Rising Sequence - oneshot - did you ever wonder, gee, zeph, why do you write so much loyalty content? and why is it all Like That? well, the answer is that i read this fic at a formative age and imprinted on it like a baby bird, and then subconsciously was shaped by it for the next decade. genuinely it is SO good. it’s so good guys. guys it’s so good im going to cry just thinking about it. o a t h s ,,,  wahhhhhhh gramarye is probably my favorite fic author ever i love their stuff SO much. so much. i am going to cry im telling you!!!!!! (also while I'm here I also recommend everything else theyve ever written, especially the Eirias Triad, which i have reread probably as many times as there are fingers in my house, and which is only not on an entry on this list on account of me wanting to keep it at one rec per author)

Nah - soomin - One Piece - oneshot - the straw hats have been stuck in a time loop of their entire lives for many, many years, and boy are they having a good time causing chaos. this is one of the only op time travels that i feel like accurately captures what would actually happen if luffy did a time travel, and i love it. they’re having so much! infinite retries for the best adventure ever!

Insomnia - tikitikirevenge - The Legend of Zelda (Majora’s Mask) - multichap, abandoned(?) - novelization of majora’s mask with a twist: instead of resetting the three day loop every time, link gets exactly 5 cycles, and the whole thing is a stable time loop. its true it hasnt updated since 2015, but it was my favorite zelda fic back in middle school and i still reread it every few years to confirm that it’s just as good as i remember: it somehow always is. and every time, i forget just how agonizing (complimentary) the link&tatl friendship slowburn is like dear lord does this author know how to write a slowly developing relationship hh i wish more people would read this fic it’s really just very good ok dont mind that its abandoned just before the snowpeak temple

[aitaikimochi]

Here is the full translation of Nomura, Kitase, and Toriyama, and Hamaguchi’s interview from the FF7R Famitsu feature! Nomura talks about Jessie's popularity, the decision to include the Masssage Parlour scene, comments about the next installment's release, and more!  Kitase discusses how it’s like working with a new generation of game developers, explains a bit more about the scene with Sephiroth and Cloud at the Edge of Creation, and refers to the Remake as the “New FFVII Story.” Toriyama mentions that the staff who worked on the original game wanted to create a completely new game while younger staff wanted to stay true to the original. Hamaguchi explains more about the development process as well as how they came up with the battle system, what type of system they have planned for Part 2, and more!

DIRECTOR TETSUYA NOMURA INTERVIEW —Now that the game has been released, how are you feeling?

Nomura: Well first off, I feel very relieved. Although there’s still a long way to go on the road to completing the entire story, we are now able to see exactly which direction we will be heading.

—From the game’s battle system to its story to the elaborate details of Midgar’s various environments, including songs that sometimes only play in one scene, the game is full of a richness that has been carefully crafted, which shows that a lot of time and effort was spent creating this game. The staff must have been very enthusiastic, right?

Nomura: I think it’s due to the staff’s love for FFVII. The enthusiasm from the fans also helped propel us forward.

—Are there any elements from either the Original game or part of the compilation that you wanted to make a reality or something that you wanted to have in the past game that then added into this game?

Nomura: Definitely the world itself as well as how richly the people are portrayed. With all the different compilations gathered, it was rather easy to create the world. I think we were able to convey the importance of the areas seamlessly.

—FF7R really digs deep into the Original Game’s story, but there is a surprising development towards the end of the game. With Remakes, there’s always a faction of people who don’t want anything changed, but there are also those who actually want things to be changed. Were there discussions among the creators on whether or not you should change things?

Nomura: Since the concept of FF7R was already decided from the beginning, there wasn’t that much discussion. However, since each individual had different ways of perceiving things, we did discuss exactly how far we will change the story. I believe that I was the one who actually put a stop on several ideas towards the latter half of development (laughs).

—The Remake contains the “Whispers of Fate” that are not present in the original story, but what was the intent of having this presence? In English, they’re called the Whispers, but in Japanese they’re called the “Feelers.” Is there a specific reason for this difference, for example if the word “Feeler” was the origin of the name?

Nomura: Nojima-san actually requested us to give the Whispers an eerie aura. Initially, the Whispers were designed to be made out of small particles of sand that crumbled while still maintaining its shape, but also unclear in form. We then created an image of them wearing a robe, but more so than that, when we had to make a lot of them appear together, that’s when their form took a clear shape. The word “feeler” means to sense and to touch, but at the moment I cannot say anymore than that.

—Those who come into contact with Aerith can see the Whispers, right? Also, was Aerith able to see them from the beginning?

Nomura: People can see the Whispers when they come into contact with Aerith. However, at the moment I am unable to tell you when Aerith started seeing them.

—Instead of always being on edge, Cloud seems to behave more cooly but instead comes off as uncool to those around him. Aerith also seems a bit more mature than the original’s portrayal of her, and Barret seems a more unhinged and tense. The characters all seem to have a new side of them now. What kind of concepts did you use to add to the characters in this game?

Nomura: I personally think that the characters still have the same image as they did before, but with much more expressions now, and adding voices also created a large impact. This was my interpretation of the characters at the start, but since the original game required the player to imagine the type of reactions the characters would have, I think that this caused there to be different images of the characters. As time passed, I’m sure that those images of the characters had changed as well. I think that the errors in each individual player’s interpretation is in itself an interesting part of the game.

—Jessie has a lot of scenes in the Remake and has become quite a popular character. Were her scenes planned from the beginning, or were they something that was added midway through development?

Nomura: It was planned from the beginning. However, I did not expect her to be this popular though!

—The three new characters in Wall Market, Andrea Rhodea, Madam M, and Chocobo Sam, left quite an impression. What was created first, the characters’ personalities or their designs? Also, how did the concept of the Massage Parlour come about?

Nomura: At first, the characters’ personalities weren’t that detailed. We didn’t plan for their designs to be that rich either. However, I think that the voices and acting played a great role for them. In regards to the hand massage, in a city like that, well, the maturity rating would probably go up, so we couldn’t go further with what we had.

—Characters such as Leslie and Kyrie appeared in the light novels, but what was the background on bringing them into the Remake? For example, was it for fan service or something else?

Nomura: Since the stories are part of the Compilation, Nojima-san and myself had plans for them to be included from the beginning. We thought that it would be natural for them to appear in that time and place within the story, so we decided to leave them there. In regards to what happens to them after the events in the Remake, I recommend that players read the light novel “Final Fantasy 7 TURKS: The Kids Are All Right.”

—In regards to the battle system, it contains a fusion of both command and action elements, and each character has a different fighting style. By choosing different character moves, players are able to form various effective strategies, making for a very refreshing experience. Also, the acting and conversations that the characters have during battle also gives a fresh spin on each battle. I’m sure that this was made possible by trial and error, but what was the most difficult part in doing all of this?

Nomura: A real time action battle requires a sense of nervousness and realism, but we couldn’t discard the form and battle of the original game’s command RPG style. As a result, we went through a lot of trial and error to find a perfect harmony for the two. We decided early on to allow for a slow motion sequence to take place to allow players the advantage of being able to select their actions, but there was a long period of time that we couldn’t do it properly. It was largely thanks to the staff for tying in the ATB system to perfect this as well.

—Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

Nomura: We know that everyone wants the next installment to be released quickly. We would also like to deliver it as soon as possible. Since we were able to see the line of quality from the first installment, we hope to make the next installment even better in quality that will make for an even greater experience. We hope to release it as soon as possible, so please wait a bit more. I think we can clearly convey the direction when we officially announce the next installment, so we hope you can look forward to it!

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PRODUCER YOSHINORI KITASE INTERVIEW

—From the time that the game was announced at E3 during 2015, the world focused their attention on the game, and after releasing footage of the game’s progress through a promotional video at E3 during 2019, the expectations from the fans has only increased. I’m sure you felt quite a lot of pressure at that time, but now that the game is finally released, how do you feel?

Kitase: I feel relieved that we were able to successfully approach both veteran fans who have been there since the beginning as well as new fans. I feel like right now, the expectations are even higher than before the game was released, and that gives us a lot of motivation to develop the next installment.

—Before the game was released, you mentioned that the hurdle that you needed to overcome was that of the player’s imagination that they have constructed in their minds for the Remake. After seeing the reception from the players post-release, do you feel that you have overcome that hurdle?

Kitase: Well, not just for me, but the power of the entire development staff combined was great. Most of them were fans from the beginning who also played the original game when it first came out. Thanks to that, they knew what kind of image fans probably had for the Remake, and I think we were able to overcome the hurdles that way.

—The game was released worldwide during a time when COVID-19 was affecting the entire world, but did that have any impacts on the game’s development? Also, before the game was released, promotional events were cancelled and the distribution of the game was also shipped ahead of schedule. There seemed to have been a lot of hard decisions to make depending on the situation…

Kitase: In terms of development, we only had the debugging phase left, which meant that the game was pretty much already complete, so there was not much impact from the virus. However, it was a pity that many promotional events were cancelled, and people were not able to really celebrate the release of the game. Luckily, through the means of the downloadable version, we were able to deliver some fun during a very stressful time where it was hard for people to even leave their homes. I hope that we were able to give them at least a moment of reprieve through the game.

—In regards to the FFVII Remake production, was there anything you were particular about?

Kitase: In the latter half of the story, there’s a scene where Cloud and Sephiroth have a confrontation. I wanted the scenery of that segment to show a starry sky that represents the overall themes of FFVII, and the art design team was able to bring that image to life.

—From the game’s battle system to its story to the elaborate details of Midgar’s various environments, including songs that sometimes only play in one scene, the game is full of a richness that has been carefully crafted, which shows that a lot of time and effort was spent creating this game. The staff must have been very enthusiastic, right?

Kitase: That’s all thanks to the careful attention that the Co-Directors Hamaguchi and Toriyama as well as the development staff put in making this game. I started game development ever since the Super Famicom console, so I’m used to the type of “cut” and “reuse” way of production. However, the new generation of games require a sense of reality, so that former way of developing games has become obsolete. The current generation of game development staff have that new type of conscience when creating games, so it’s thanks to their enthusiasm that we were able to make this possible.

—I’m sure that there are several younger development staff who never played the original FFVII, so were there any instances where there was a bit of a generation gap?

Kitase: Not really. But I guess when we wanted to give an example from a movie or something, we wouldn’t bring up a reference from an old movie that they probably wouldn’t know (laughs).

—Are there any elements from either the Original game or part of the Compilation that you wanted to make a reality or something that you wanted to have in the past game that was then added into this game?

Kitase: I suppose that would be making everything in 3D with a 360 degree scope of the world. Especially when you’re looking up into the sky of Midgar or looking down towards the slums, I’m really glad that we were able to give the city a sense of realism.

—As a gamer, was there anything in particular from FF7R that surprised or impressed you?

Kitase: This is connected with my answer to the previous question, but yes, being able to look above towards the sky from the slums, thinking “wow, you can see the sky after all!” For 23 years, I imagined the slums to be under a lot of pressure and cloaked in darkness. In the Remake, you can see a different side of the city during the day that you could not see in the original game, and I thought that was really fun.

—You were involved with the initial level design of the Sector 5 Mako Reactor from when the characters infiltrate the reactor to their escape, but were there any other parts that you also were involved in?

Kitase: I was also in charge of the initial stage level design for the scene at the top of the Shinra Building. The scene where Cloud is about to fall off the rooftop but is saved by Tifa is a callback and answer to the Sector 5 Mako Reactor scene where Tifa couldn’t save Cloud from falling.

—FF7R really digs deep into the Original Game’s story, but there is a surprising development towards the end of the game. With Remakes, there’s always a faction of people who don’t want anything changed, but there are also those who actually want things to be changed. Were there discussions among the creators on whether or not you should change things?

Kitase: Director Nomura as well as Co-Director Hamaguchi and Toriyama hoped to be able to keep all the parts of the original that fans have come to love. However, we also wanted to add several surprises that would balance out the story too. I’m sure there are people who wish to experience the exact same story and relive memories. However, if we were to do that, then all we would be doing is just adding to the original experience, which would cause the Remake to lose its significance. I think that we were able to successfully revive the story by adding new elements for the new generation of a “New FFVII.”

—Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

Kitase: The new FFVII’s story has only just begun. Please look forward to the story from here on out! --------- CO-DIRECTOR TORIYAMA MOTOMU INTERVIEW

—Now that the game has been released, how are you feeling?

Toriyama: I’m really glad that despite the abrupt change in lifestyle [due to COVID-19], this game is able to deliver entertainment to people around the world in the comfort of their own homes. There was some skeptism from fans when we announced before the release of the game that the FF7 Remake will only take place in Midgar, but because the game dug so deeply into the world of FF7, I was relieved to hear that a lot of people were extremely satisfied with the game.

—From the game’s battle system to its story to the elaborate details of Midgar’s various environments, including songs that sometimes only play in one scene, the game is full of a richness that has been carefully crafted, which shows that a lot of time and effort was spent creating this game. The staff must have been very enthusiastic, right?

Toriyama: We thought about how we can revive the entity of FFVII using the latest technology as well as capturing the richness of the original. The time it took to oversee one scene or area was great, and in order to do so, we needed much more staff than what we had back in the day. Each and every staff had their own things they were particular about, and we were able to find a balance and successfully craft this game.

—Since you were involved with the development of the game, was there anything you were concerned about?

Toriyama: Since we had to replace many things with a new portrayal, I was quite particular that the essence of FFVII still remained true throughout. I think that if you had played the original game too, you would know which parts were changed and which parts were left in. However, I wanted to make sure that the events of the Remake flowed in a natural way with both new and familiar elements that you can enjoy. I’m happy to know that the Remake is able to add an even more vivid experience to go along with your memories of FFVII.

—I’m sure that there are several younger development staff who never played the original FFVII, so were there any instances where there was a bit of a generation gap?

Toriyama: There are actually a lot of staff who have played the original FFVII and got the opportunity to work in this industry. There are also staff who are more versed in the original game than even the members of staff who worked on the original game, and many of those staff wanted to make an adaptation that kept faithful to the original. In terms of keeping things as traditional as possible, the staff who worked on the original game, myself included, had the notion of “making a new game that no one has ever seen before.” With that conscience in mind, we were able to decide the type of direction we wanted to go in the Remake.

—Are there any elements from either the Original game or part of the Compilation that you wanted to make a reality or something that you wanted to have in the past game that was then added into this game?

Toriyama: In terms of music, FFVII is a rather cinematic series, but in the original game due to disc space and time restraints, we weren’t able to include a movie-worthy soundtrack. However, we were able to challenge ourselves with the Remake. We wanted to have specific songs that played throughout the entire game that would also go along with the scenes, so the Remake gave us a chance to be able to try this out. With this type of composing, we didn’t really have a specific detailed list, so we didn’t count exactly how many songs we created until we realized that the soundtrack itself would span to seven discs, making it a huge volume of songs (laughs).

—As a gamer, was there anything in particular from FF7R that surprised or impressed you?

Toriyama: After the game was released, I saw a gaming review website capture all the little details of various landscapes in the game, from the posters and billboards to the train time schedules, close inspections of the buildings, pretty much everything that showed the lifestyles of people living in Midgar. Although I’m glad that people were able to deeply observe the details we put in, I can’t help but see some flaws, so it kind of gives me pressure to make sure that the next installment will have even more perfected details (laughs).

—Compared to 23 years ago, from the addition of voices in conversations to a change of design, trends have changed. Was it difficult to achieve a balance of retaining the essence of the original game but still representing it for a new generation?

Toriyama: We wanted to have the game be fully voiced including the NPC within the city, so we were careful when putting in dialogue that would sound natural. We left in some funny lines spoken from the original game’s NPC too, but since there were way more NPCs in the Remake compared to the original, we made sure to find a good balance where those lines wouldn’t be buried among the other spoken dialogue.

—Instead of always being on edge, Cloud seems to behave more cooly but instead comes off as uncool to those around him. Aerith also seems a bit more mature than the original’s portrayal of her, and Barret seems a more unhinged and tense. The characters all seem to have a new side of them now. What kind of concepts did you use to add to the characters in this game?

Toriyama: For the Remake, the voice acting was added after we had finished creating the cutscenes, and I think that the character’s performance really shined through from the work that the actors and actresses have done that brought out each character’s charm. During recording, Barret had an unexpected continuity that we pushed further, and the results really brought out his character very well.

—In regards to seeing a brand new side of Cloud, the peak of it would probably be the dance sequence at the Honey Bee Inn. Was this scene planned from the beginning?

Toriyama: We strongly did not want to leave out Cloud’s crossdressing scene but instead wanted to create a concept that would make it stand out even more in the Remake. We decided to make Wall Market a huge entertainment district, and we were very enthusiastic in making the Honey Bee Inn even more of an entertainment hotspot in the Remake. I actually helped create the Honey Bee Inn for the original game, so it was easy for me to reimagine the place for the Remake. While still retaining some elements from the original, we were able to give it a huge makeover.

—The Shinra Mascot dog “Stamp” appears in various locations, even on a snack package blowing in the wind in towards the ending with Zack. Was the character of Stamp originally created in the beginning stages of development?

Toriyama: The dog Stamp is a very important symbol that was planned since the beginning. Stamp’s use was determined along with the game design. AVALANCHE also uses him as their symbol, so there is a good meaning to him that we included to have him stand out. However, the Stamp that appears in the scene with Zack is a different breed, so please pay attention to that.

—I was quite surprised that Chadley turned out to be what he was in the story, but who’s idea was it to create this character?

Toriyama: Chadley is a new character that was not in the original game, so it was the scenario team who decided on creating this character. There are a lot of contents regarding the game’s difficulty levels and clearing the battle reports, so we decided to have Cloud be able to encounter Chadley throughout the entire game. I haven’t finished clearing the HARD mode yet, but I hope that those who haven’t cleared everything yet can challenge themselves with this!

—The new character Roche left quite an impact, but he’s an eccentric one that only appears in Chapter 4 and nowhere else. What was the purpose of his character, and will he appear in the next installment?

Toriyama: We had initially drawn up a concept of having Roche appear at the last battle on the Midgar Highway, but we thought that he might ruin the serious mood of the ending sequence, so we scrapped that idea. We also thought to put him in as a boss battle in the Chapter 14 slums, but since you can’t really race around on a motorbike in the slums, we unfortunately could not make it work. Roche’s spontaneity is one of his character traits that stands out though, so there’s a high chance that he’ll appear in the next installment (laughs).

—In the Remake, the characters have a lot of banter when they’re walking around or fighting battles, and the dialogue is not always the same either. Did you oversee the types of conversations that were put in?

Toriyama: All scenarios were checked and supervised by me and Nojima-san. We actually had a lot more lines prepared in the script for dialogue spoken by characters in boss battles, but somewhere around the middle of production, we eventually cut out the frequency of giving out hints and instead left it to the players to think about what to do. This in turn caused us to cut a lot of dialogue out.

—Are there any specific episodes, scenes, or dialogue that you were interested in or wanted to include?

Toriyama: The AVALANCHE base at the bottom of Seventh Heaven in the original game was an interesting area that left an impression on me, but since Cloud is not very close with AVALANCHE in the Remake, we wanted to show that distance between them, which made us leave out that scene. Although I really wanted to have Barret punching that sandbag in the Remake, I had to restrain myself (laughs).

—Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

Toriyama: Even though the first installment of the “FFVII Remake” has ended, the story has only just begun. While listening to the voices of the fans, we also hope to make the next installments something that would exceed your expectations. I personally also played the original game again after finishing the Remake. While waiting for the next installment, I hope you can enjoy the differences in the Remake’s portrayal of Midgar and also have fun imagining what kinds of things lie ahead in the next game too!

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CO-DIRECTOR HAMAGUCHI NAOKI INTERVIEW

—Now that the game has been released, how are you feeling?

Hamaguchi: I felt very relieved after seeing the user feedback after the game was released. I fully joined the development team for FF7R in 2017 when the fans had been waiting for this game for quite some time already. So I made it my mission to ensure that fans do not wait longer than 3 years for the completion of the game. FF7 is a game that many people have come to love, so there was a real sense of responsibility to carry, but even so, the development team staff is composed of people who are extremely passionate about FF7, so we were able to enjoy making this game while progressing on its development.

—Since you were involved with the development of the game, was there anything you were concerned about?

Hamaguchi: What was constantly said to the team was that we must “respect the original game.” We were not creating a new game that is only inspired by the characters and world of FFVII, but we strove to create a game where the elements of the original are remade using the latest game design and graphics, making it feel “nostalgic yet new.” If we were to stray far away from the source material, then people might think “this is not the FFVII that I know,” so we tried to follow the original story but added details that we could not add 20 years ago using the latest technology. With that, we were able to focus on enriching the story to create an experience that is still “the FFVII that l know, but with a lot more new things waiting to be discovered.”

—From the game’s battle system to its story to the elaborate details of Midgar’s various environments, including songs that sometimes only play in one scene, the game is full of a richness that has been carefully crafted, which shows that a lot of time and effort was spent creating this game. The staff must have been very enthusiastic, right?

Hamaguchi: The Remake was made possible by the enthusiasm from the entire staff. During the production of this game, the task division between the development staff was even more than another Final Fantasy numbered game. For example, a person in charge of location would usually be a level designer that would spend 2-3 years on a single location’s design, execution, and then implementation, and we had specific staff designated to work on all the locations as well. For battle parts, we had a single person in charge of 2-3 bosses at a time, and a level designers also oversaw everything from design to implementation. With this scheme, we were able to have each game designer focus on only the parts that they are designated with, which allowed them to be enthusiastic and particular with the production of their areas. However, because of this, each game designer felt very strongly of their work that they poured their all into, so in order to not lose satisfaction, wemade it a priority to view the contents as a whole within the team. By doing this, we were able to combine everyone’s vision into the end product.

—Without having the battle system be solely either a Command RPG or Action style, it must have been challenging to fuse the two together. During development, there must have been some trial and error to get it right, but was there any part that was specifically concerning or challenging?

Hamaguchi: One of the most particular parts was how we were going to incorporate the ATB Battle System. We didn’t want to incorporate a completely new battle style that was different than the original, so we were inspired by the original FF7’s ATB battle system to create a new and improved one that also works in real time. Of course, I’m sure that the action elements we added gives off a very fresh impression, but the root of the system is from the ATB battle system, allowing us to incorporate a sense of nostalgia to the battle system. The part we worked extremely hard on was how to fuse together action and command style elements. Many of the development team staff including myself have a long history working with command RPGs, so we are very confident with that type of battle style in that field. However, when we tried adding action elements in, there was a sense of discord within the battle system we had.

The part we were stuck on was that implementing a command system will cause the the user to have too much information in regards to fighting strategy, and that would only cause issues if we were also going to add real time action options too. When we were doing trial and error to figure out how to draw the line between how many action and command elements we could add, Battle Director Endou Teruki was able to join our team. He is extremely versed with action battle systems and how to develop them, so as soon as he saw what we had created, he immediately pointed out that we were lacking features in regards to the action elements of the battle system. Since we were having trouble figuring out a balance between the action and command elements, we couldn’t really answer what we were lacking since we just simply added in action elements, so we were not able to create a very refreshing experience. Luckily, Endou was able to concentrate on the action parts and balanced out the battle system with fast paced command RPG strategy as well as action elements, which is what you see in the finished product.

—In terms of creating an action battle system, I’m sure there were concerns about the increasing difficulty of that fighting style. For those who are not fond of action battle systems, there’s also the option of “CLASSIC Mode,” but was there anything else you were particularly conscious about?

Hamaguchi: For those who only wanted to enjoy the game’s story, we implemented EASY Mode, for those who wanted to enjoy the command RPG style of fighting, we also created the CLASSIC mode, so there are different play styles you can choose from. Since the “CLASSIC mode” was something we tried for the first time, we were excited to hear the reactions of the players, and I think the reviews have been favorable. We heard comments from users who enjoyed the Normal mode’s difficulty level but in the CLASSIC mode style, so we will refer to their feedback in the future as well.

—Since the game’s release, I’m sure that most people have viewed the battle system in a very favorable light. What do you think about the reactions that you have seen thus far?

Hamaguchi: We feel that we have delivered the exact type of battle experience that users can accept. I think this is thanks to the way we were able to create a system that not only reimagines the ATB battle system in real time form, but we also pays homage to the Command RPG style, which leaves a sense of nostalgia while giving a fresh new experience to the battle style. I’m sure there are a lot of people who are interested in what kind of battle system we have in store for the next installment too. We would like the battle system to be even more customizable with more action and command strategies that users can curate into their own playing style, giving an even newer experience, so please look forward to that!

—It seems that the level cap at 50 has some limitations in regards to your status attributes and range, and since various weapons have their own strengths, it seems like you put thought into balancing out battles. In regular RPGs, characters grow and their weapons become stronger, but it feels like this was done in moderation. Was this balance something that the development team had planned from the beginning?

Hamaguchi: When we were stuck on how to create the battle system, we made changes to optimize the balance of the battle system. We wanted a balance that also incorporated the original FF7’s customizable options with materia, and Battle Director Endou also had the same thoughts. However, if we allowed players to get as many materia as they would like, then they could technically give the same set of materia to each character, which would defeat the purpose of giving each character their own unique abilities. Thus, we decided to put limits on the amount of attributes you can have. Moreso than putting a moderation on gaining strength, we wanted players to have fun with the strategies that they could incorporate by using different materia or weapons. If you were to redo a battle, you could try other ways of setting up your weapons and materia to create a stress free battle, and I thought that was an important function to have.

—Boss battles within the game have different stages where the attacks or field changes, such as the Sword Dance battle that splits between two parties during the fight. Was this concept of having battles be set up in different stages as the fight progressed something that was decided during the beginning of production?

Hamaguchi: That’s right. I told the team during the beginning that boss battles would be executed out in phases. Many of the bosses within each chapter contain some of the most exciting reveals, so we wanted players to be able to feel immersed within the story even through the boss battles. In order to do that, we constructed each boss battle to have several different phases where the battle strategy changes and also focuses on the story at the same time. We also paid attention to the party structure. In particular, we spent a lot of time and effort to solidify the party structure during the battle with Sephiroth. The battle with the Whisper Harbinger that leads to the climax fight with Sephiroth is one that changes automatically as does the structure of the party you are fighting with, so the protagonists need to work together in order to challenge their own fate.

However, we felt that if we were to do the same type of structure during Sephiroth’s battle, then it might become tedious to the player. For example, if we were to take away one of the protagonists out of the four, then the fans of that protagonist might feel let down. Because of that, we decided that the characters who join you during the Sephiroth battle will depend on how you fought during the Whisper Harbinger battle. However, in order to do this, we would have to create a ton of cutscenes depending on the order that the characters appear in, and even now I remember the look on the cutscene team member’s faces when I proposed the idea and the blank stares that I received (laughs). Because the Final Fantasy Series is one that is known for having a large amount of cutscenes, I am really grateful for the cutscene team member’s assistance in not just the Sephiroth battle scene, but for working so hard on all cutscenes within the series too.

—There are weapons, accessories, materia, and items that were added into the Remake that were not present in the original game, but was there any particular reason for doing this?

Hamaguchi: Right before the game went gold, I actually made an absurd request to the team to add the “Pedometer” materia. You get this materia at the start of Chapter 14, and since you’re there to help people out with odds and ends within the Sector 5 and Sector 6 slums, you would need to walk around the areas a lot. Since you had visited these areas within Chapter 8 and Chapter 9 already, there wouldn’t be many changes, so I thought to give players a reason for walking around these places again by adding in this materia. I actually originally called the materia the “Step” materia, but I noticed that Toriyama changed the name to the “Pedometer” materia instead (laughs). I was reminded of it again when I saw the strategy book refer to that name.

—Is there any specific monster enemy or battle (whether it be within the Colosseum or Battle Simulator) that piqued your interest?

Hamaguchi: The “Level 7 Top Secret Battle” has quite a shock factor. The person in charge of battle planning asked me, “Does it make sense for Bahamut to summon Ifrit?” Since they are fighting in a virtual reality, it wouldn’t be a problem, so I answered “Yeah, go for it!” without thinking too much about it. However, when I was doing a play check for the difficulty level of the battle, I remember being shocked (laughs). When that happens, you’d probably panic and think that you should defeat Ifrit first, but it’s actually more advantageous to focus on attacking Bahamut instead. This battle was the most difficult one for me and left quite an impression.

—I’m sure that there are several younger development staff who never played the original FFVII, so were there any instances where there was a bit of a generation gap?

Hamaguchi: Since the original game was so widely loved by fans everywhere, there were a lot of younger staff members who were scared of making changes. On the other hand, Producer Kitase wanted big changes (laughs). Nomura and I saw the Remake as an homage to the original game, so if we were to change anything, we made sure that it would be something planned with a specific reason that fans could accept.

—Did you have any ideas or wishes that you were entertaining by yourself that was then made a reality in this game?

Hamaguchi: It’s not something I was entertaining for a while, but having an automatic weapon growth system was something that I focused on before working on FF7R since I was on the development team for the “Mobius Final Fantasy” game, which left a strong impression on me. Since a smartphone game operates in a way that you return to it on a daily basis, lots of things are automated as much as possible to create a smooth experience. There’s also a card synthesis system within the game that allows for an automated way to synthesize your cards, so that was a point that I thought would be nice to have in FF7R where weapons could automatically level up as well. I’m always thinking about the consumer side when developing games, and being able to see customer reactions in real time, such as when I was developing smartphone games, gave me an environment to try out a lot of ideas I had. I think that was a great experience for me.

—As a gamer, was there anything in particular from FF7R that surprised or impressed you?

Hamaguchi: Although I myself was involved too, I’m still very impressed that we were able to successfully create a game from start to finish without making compromises to any of the large amount of data we had. This is all thanks to not only Nomura, Toriyama, and other directors such as me, but also to the game designers, graphics team, sound team, system staff, and more. All of us had various responsibilities as creators, and it’s because of the best efforts of everyone that we were able to make this game possible. I’m personally very excited to make the next game with the same team members again!

—FFVII Remake is highly praised as a game with amazing quality with the latest technology, but was there anything that was challenging or something that you did not personally oversee but was still impressed with the outcome?

Hamaguchi: Seeing the world of FFVII open up through its story is one of the highlights that makes the game so enjoyable, but the user experience and story immersion could be greatly impacted with too many loading screens and wait times. We therefore kept a technical eye on the loading system since the beginning. In order to do this, we aligned the data with each situation so that it could simultaneously load, which allowed us to not have the loading screen appear during the middle of the chapter. During the last cutscene of each chapter, the next chapter’s data would already be loading in the background, which allowed for the load screen between chapters to also be as short as possible. We also added tips to read on the load screen, but because the loading times are so short, it’s also difficult to read all of them. It made me cry out with joy!

—Lastly, is there anything you would like to say to the readers?

Hamaguchi: The first installment of the “FFVII Remake Project” was centered around Midgar, and we strived to recreate a Midgar that you could not experience in the original story, showcasing the hustle and bustle of the lives of the people there as well as the environment. The next installment will then shift to the other parts of the world since the characters have escaped from Midgar in the story. We hope to create a game that allows you to experience the charm and allure of the world of FFVII from the various lives of the people as well as the environments that will be present. Production for the next installment is already under way, and our team is putting their all into the advancement of the game. Although there is still a wait, we hope that you can look forward to what we have in store!

[shihalyfie]

Since the things I write for this blog are generally supposed to analyze existing canon, I really do try to be level-headed and diplomatic and keep as many personal opinions as I can out of it -- not that I’m pretending I’m not biased anyway, but there’s a certain degree of me having to hold back on my more self-indulgent stuff in trying to make good, analytical, level-headed posts that make sense to everyone.

This is not one of them. The following post is extremely chock full of shipping-related delusional content. Please feel free to ignore the below. I’m sorry.

Anyway, this scene, you know, the one that made basically every Ken/Miyako shipper go (eyes emoji) at. This is such a tiny, innocuous little thing that really should mean nothing -- Ichijouji Ken being a nice and considerate person is like saying water is wet -- but when your movie is advertised as an epilogue lead-up, and (even among non-shippers) how Ken and Miyako hooked up is one of the many parts of that epilogue that people are curious about and will naturally be keeping an eye out for, and when the movie is a 95-minute one that doesn’t exactly have the luxury of time to be wasting and yet feels this entire sequence needs a whole 25 seconds dedicated to this setup...

Yes, really. They actually built this up for a whole half a minute.

Wait, okay, hold up. Let’s zoom out a little bit. Of course, everyone talks about the most obvious part (Ken is very worried about Miyako in particular) and all, but let’s dial back to what happened before this.

Miyako decided to try and get information on the Internet despite Hawkmon’s warnings and ended up with an Eosmon running after them. As a result, she ended up turning a corner from the street we later find out Iori and Ken were on.

Stingmon and Ankylomon happen to intercede to prevent it from closing in on Miyako and Daisuke. Except wait, it may not be just happening to, because the novel gives us a bit of an interesting detail...

Ken’s voice immediately spoke up from the other side of the street: “Stingmon!” “Spiking Finish!”

So yes, it seems like Ken (and the novel seems like it wants to indicate Ken and Ken specifically, even though Iori and Ankylomon were also relevant to this situation) personally redirected Stingmon’s attention to the situation and sent him in to take care of the Eosmon chasing Miyako, the moment after he presumably saw the Eosmon chasing her and her going around a corner out of his sight. (And then Iori and Ankylomon joined in because they also care about Miyako very much, of course.)

Which is then followed by:

“Miyako-san, are you okay?” “Yeah, I’m fine,” Miyako said, waving a hand to ease the worried Ken.

...the novel really wants to dedicate some words so you know that Ken is very worried (even though, you know, some degree of concern should be expected given context). Like, you know, this entire situation would not even be out of the ordinary if it weren’t for this unusual amount of focus of Ken (In Particular) Being Very Worried About Miyako (In Particular) in this context where Iori and Daisuke are also there.

You know. Cinematic parallels, and all.

Really, the issue is not the event itself as much as how unusual this is in a meta context. Again, this movie was 95 minutes. We were catching up on these characters for the first time in years, and there was a lot of info to unpack, and every single line dropped has significantly more value to be picked apart than your average line in a 4-cour anime. No, seriously, they even actually said that every line is important. And this movie is so fast-paced, and there was so much to cover in very little time, that they probably didn’t have time to depict the ins and outs of some intimate romance that otherwise wouldn’t have been relevant to the plot, but you know, given that these two are literally going to have their first child sometime in the next five years, the fact that something was slipped in to hint at how this was supposed to track isn’t that unreasonable...

Right?

I mean, I’m not even getting into the other suspicious things like how Ken suddenly whips around and is the first one to fling himself at her to greet her, and drops a “that was fast” as if he were the one to personally call her in, with his voice suddenly jumping up half an octave higher like he’s taken off guard by her presence. Or the fact that in the drama CD, Wormmon -- who’s infamously known for only being clingy towards Ken-chan to the near exclusion of everyone else -- is so, so endearingly happy to see Hawkmon as if their partners have been hanging out recently. (Right after we’re reminded about V-mon’s thing for Tailmon as parallelism for Daisuke’s thing for Hikari, too.) What have you two been doing lately? Or even back in the profiles, the very, very fascinating detail where Miyako chooses Spain of all places to be her exchange program location, which has as its native language one that Ken was canonically established to have some degree of proficiency in, making you wonder what exactly led to such a “coincidental” choice right there.

Maybe I’m reading into this too much. There are many other reasonable explanations for this. Yes, I’m well aware. I am absolutely, shamelessly projecting into all of this...

...But please let me enjoy this for just a moment here.

[bedlamsbard]

I got a couple of different asks about Luke and Ahsoka in other side AU 10, so I guess I will just make it a regular post after all so I can answer all of them at once.

@slecnaztemnot: 

Okay i just read your latest other side chapter and I wanted to ask about Ahsoka and Luke dynamics. I wonder what exactly where their heretics disagreemts about the jedi doctrine? while i can guess some of the stuff like attachements i guess i mostly see ahsoka as nonjedi and therefore someone who should not be attached to doctrine about attachements (haha) so i am wondering how you see her. i would actually love your take on how their first meetings went. continued in next ask, 1/2

1/2 continuation since most people write them as Ashoka immediately spilling the beans about the whole Vader situation to Luke and yours Ahsoka didn't. So I am curious what do you think Ahsoka feels about it. I got of course lot of it from the fic itself so i am mostly asking about how did you base your interpretation, if that makes sense and what led you to the narrative choices to portray their relationship in such way.

@comentter:

I'm most interested in what Luke and Ahsoka know about each other. Luke doesn't know much about Ahsoka obviously, but does he have any idea why she seems to hate him? He must be desperate lol. And how much does Ahsoka know about what happened on the DS2? And how much does Kanan know about these events? What was Hera able to tell him and what else did Luke and Ahsoka tell him? I always figure that everyone but Luke and a few people he told (like Leia) think the Emperor and Vader from the DS2 explosion.

I now have this image in my head of Ahsoka spending time with Rex and her laughing as Rex does something like tell a joke or a specific gesture. Then Luke walks by, does the exact same thing and Ahsoka is like "Of course, you'd do this stupid thing, you idiot!" :D

I think shortly before I started writing this sequence I had seen some cute art of Luke and Ahsoka hugging, which is a pretty common art trope and which has never sat quite right with me.  I also have the tendency to want to do the opposite of common fanon, which I can’t leave out either.  I also wanted to logic out what the hell was going on with Ahsoka’s charaterization in her Mando episode on a Watsonian level rather than a Doylist one (which I did a few weeks ago), even if other side takes place well before Mando and doesn’t intersect with it in any meaningful way.

When it came to the Luke and Ahsoka relationship (or lack thereof), it came down to three questions for me:

Who knows what?

What do they know?

When do they know it?

I made the decision early on in the chapter to leave Leia out of this relationship entirely, since the new canon seems to at this point in time (within a year of RotJ) be keeping it relatively quiet that she and Luke are siblings, and it’s not something that Hera would have a reason to know.  (Note also that this entire sequence is told from Hera’s POV, which plays into the “who knows what when” angle.)

As per Rebels S4 (not the epilogue, because Mando’s thrown that out the window), Ahsoka knows (or has good reason to believe) the following:

Anakin Skywalker is Darth Vader, Sith Lord

Darth Vader was directly or indirectly responsible for the genocide of the Jedi Order and the deaths of any Jedi who survived the Purge (”you and your Inquisitors saw to that”)

Padme Amidala is dead

Obi-Wan Kenobi is dead (Obi-Wan was not dead, but she has no way to know this)

no Darksider can return to the Light side

At the end of RotJ (not taking into account anything that happened in the comics or ancillary novels, which I’m not up to date on), Luke knows (or has good reason to believe) the following:

Darth Vader is Anakin Skywalker

everyone Anakin ever knew is dead, mostly because of him

Vader returned to being Anakin Skywalker at the end of his life

(Leia presumably also knows all of this, perhaps with a few more details based on things her parents might have told her, but her feelings about Darth Vader are: Bad, Do Not Want, to be glib about it.)

Now, there’s one other factor here, which is Rex.  Rex knew Anakin and knew Ahsoka and was in the Rebel Alliance -- we know that he was on Yavin IV prior to Luke’s arrival and we know that he fought in the Battle of Endor. (And turns up in a couple of scattered art panels from the comics.)  If we want to take his brief appearance in Galaxy of Adventures with Han Solo’s strike force as canon, then he may have also known Han and probably Luke -- certainly his ears would have pricked up at the name “Skywalker.”  (Okay, there’s one other factor, which is R2-D2, but Artoo never tells anyone anything despite knowing...everything. Or most things, anyway.)  Rex doesn’t seem to know that Anakin became Darth Vader (I believe there’s an interview somewhere where Dave or Pablo or someone says that a meeting between Rex and Vader would be “awkward,” but there’s no canonical reason to believe that he knew about the Anakin/Vader connection), but he probably found out at some point that the 501st was the battalion involved in the assault on the Jedi Temple.  He also, as of Rebels S3-4, assumes that Vader killed Ahsoka -- presumably Ezra would have told him as much as he could.  (And Ezra does know that Vader is Anakin, so he may have told Rex that as well.)  Rex also knows that Anakin Skywalker was having an affair with Padme Amidala, but presumably didn’t know about (a) the marriage or (b) the pregnancy, because how would he know?

Then we come to Ahsoka’s return and unfortunately the current canon gives us no time point for when it actually happened: presumably Ahsoka did not or could not return to the greater galaxy at the point she “left”, during the fight on Malachor (3 BBY), because as of Rebels S3-4 everyone still believes she’s dead.  Maybe she’s still stuck on Malachor without a way to get off, who knows; maybe after S4 Ezra grabbed her into the World Between Worlds she decided to stay on Malachor until she ~caught up with the main timeline, which...you then have to believe that Ahsoka is going to deliberately remove herself from the war, which I can get to, but is not something I’m totally comfortable with.  Or she pops out in the timeline at the same time that Ezra returns to the main timeline and is able to more or less immediately return to the main timeline narrative, plus or minus a few weeks.  (There are, after all, still a couple of Advanced TIE fighters parked in the Sith temple, even if they were potentially damaged in the temple collapse.  Ahsoka could have repaired them or used the comms systems to call for a pick-up -- this is, btw, what happens in Crown.)  We don’t know when the S2 finale scene/S4 WBW scene of Ahsoka walking back into the temple actually takes place in the timeline; it doesn’t have to be at the exact same time as the rest of the S2 finale sequence (since obvs Vader dragging himself out, Maul flying off, and the Rebels crew looking sad doesn’t all take place at the exact same time).

Other side AU is deliberately vague about when Ahsoka returns from the World Between Worlds/Malachor/to the Rebel Alliance; it’s not stated in the story, but I made the assumption that she came back shortly after the (non-epilogue) end of the Rebels finale, but was still deeply messed up from her Malachor revelations.  (Also, like, Sidious, I guess, but she was probably so messed up about Anakin/Vader that Sidious being around barely registered.)  Since she never seems to have held a formal position in the Rebel Alliance, I assumed that after she returned and let everyone know she was still alive, she then immediately took off to try and figure out what the hell happened with Anakin at the end of the Clone Wars, since she saw him like a week before he snapped and at the time he seemed fine.

The problem is that almost everyone involved is dead.

Now, at this point (shortly before Scarif and ANH), a few people are still alive who then die shortly, but whom Ahsoka may have no reason to believe were involved.  Bail Organa, for example, is still around, but aside from him being Padme’s friend Ahsoka doesn’t have a reason to know that Bail was there when Padme died -- and since they were in contact for the nineteen years preceding there’s no reason for her to assume now that he was keeping something for her.  Back in the comics (before I stopped reading them), Vader did some digging to figure out what was going on with Padme and his child; Ahsoka probably would have done the same digging (without having to torture anyone), but without necessarily knowing that Padme was pregnant.  Knowing the date of Padme’s death (same as the Republic, essentially), she may have had a previous assumption that Padme was assassinated on Palpatine’s orders, but knowing that Vader is Anakin probably moves that assumption closer to the truth, that Anakin was somehow involved in Padme’s death one way or another.  Sooner or later Ahsoka will turn up the fact that Padme was pregnant, come to the obvious conclusion that Anakin was the father, and possibly find out the same thing that Vader does in the comics -- that the child was born before Padme died.  (But also probably not that Padme was carrying twins, but even if she found that out, it wouldn’t make a difference.)

While Ahsoka is doing her digging (and there really isn’t much information out there to find), the events of Rogue One and ANH happen, and Ahsoka comes back to the Rebel Alliance to find out which of her friends are still alive.  (Maybe Rex is with her at this point, who knows.)

Everyone in the Rebel Alliance is talking about some young hotshot named Luke Skywalker.

Luke Skywalker who has a very familiar lightsaber, who claims his father was Anakin Skywalker, and who had some kind of relationship with Obi-Wan Kenobi, who turned up on the Death Star, fought Darth Vader, and died.

Ahsoka has just spent the past few months trying to figure out what happened with Anakin, and as best she can reassemble the facts it mostly comes down to “Anakin did something dumb for Padme, that something dumb was ‘turn to the Dark Side and kill literally everyone,’ and then Padme died, the Republic was overturned, and the Jedi Order was wiped out.”  Ahsoka presumably walks into a room, hears the name Luke Skywalker -- maybe sees him -- and is all at once face to face with the living evidence of just how badly Anakin fucked up.

This is just too much for Ahsoka to deal with at the moment, so she takes off again, and spends the next five years brushing in and out of the Rebel Alliance doing odd missions that can really only be done by a trained Force-user.  Rex, who seems to have a more stable position in the Alliance, is always going to side with Ahsoka over anyone else; if she tells him not to tell Luke that she knew Anakin, he won’t.  (And for that matter, he may have somewhat fraught feelings about Luke himself.)  She may have the odd interaction with Luke -- who has heard that there’s another Jedi in the Alliance and wants to be friends/get real training -- but Ahsoka just does not want any part of this. It’s irrational! She knows it’s irrational! But this is the living evidence of Anakin’s failure, Anakin who last she saw him TRIED TO KILL HER, who was at least partially responsible for the deaths of everyone she ever knew.  (And honestly, finding out that Vader topped it all off by killing Obi-Wan is not going to help.)

Ahsoka may also be feeling a certain amount of survivor’s guilt: if Ezra had not pulled her out of the Malachor temple at that exact moment, she came pretty close to bringing the temple down on both herself and Vader, and may have succeeded in killing him.  She did not do so, and who knows how many people died because of that in the years between Malachor and Yavin?  (Just because Tarkin was the one who gave the order doesn’t mean that Ahsoka may at least partially blame Alderaan’s destruction on Vader, if she knew he was on the Death Star then.) She knows he killed Obi-Wan.

The Yoda lineage is very good at going “yikes, I am going off to live alone and beat myself up over my failure for years” and Ahsoka is very much an example of that lineage.

She and Luke have a relationship of “Hi, I’m Luke Skywalker, do you want to talk?” and “I have to leave immediately,” maybe with the odd “please stop using that lightsaber grip it is physically painful for me to watch, do it like this instead, okay, bye.”  Luke probably told all of two other people about what happened with Vader on the Death Star, Leia and Han; he has no reason to tell anyone else about it because it won’t matter to them.  Why would he tell Ahsoka, whom he has no relationship with?  He doesn’t know that Ahsoka knew Anakin Skywalker and would only know if one of four people told him: Ahsoka herself (no), Rex (no), R2-D2 (maybe), or Admiral Ackbar (would never have occurred to Luke to ask, might have occurred to Ackbar to say).  (We also don’t know that Mon Mothma knew Ahsoka very well, or at all, for that matter; they never interacted in TCW.)

As for her swinging harder into overt Jedi-ness by Mando after her blatant “I am no Jedi” of Rebels, it reads to me as a response to the Anakin/Vader revelation (especially the attachment thing).  She had made certain assumptions in the TCW period (see her saving Rex in the TCW finale) and prior to Rebels; Kanan’s method of Jediness was something she could accept in the time period and in those circumstances; the Anakin/Vader revelation shattered all of that, followed immediately as it was by Kanan apparently going full Jedi self-sacrifice despite his attachments.  (Her reaction to Ezra being a trauma response about two very different circumstances.)  All of a sudden what she thought might have been mutable based on the circumstances became something that had to be adhered to in case of dangerous results, which she had just had brought home to her in extremely bad circumstances.

I made a crack somewhere about Mando’s central tension being between “being Mandalorian” and “being doing Mandalorianness”; I think in the post-OT period with Ahsoka and Luke we’re seeing something similar with “being Jedi” and “being doing Jediness.”  Even if Ahsoka isn’t actively claiming the title Jedi anymore (because what does that accomplish in most contexts?), she’s leaning far more into the tenets of the Jedi Order -- which Luke doesn’t know and doesn’t know he doesn’t know.

Thus the doctrinal dispute.

Ahsoka grew up in the Jedi Order.  That’s what she knows, that’s how she knows how to be a Jedi; for her being a Jedi is being part of the Jedi Order, whether or not the actions associated with performing Jediness are being actively practiced.  Luke doesn’t have that context.  For Luke, being a Jedi is...being doing Jediness.  (This is super awkward phrasing.)  Performing the actions of a Jedi.  Luke has a few holocrons, but I’m guessing that a lot of what is on those holocrons makes the assumption that whoever is opening with them has the context of being a part of the Jedi Order and doesn’t explain really basic stuff about the Order or what that means.  Luke’s Jedi Order is not going to be the Republic Jedi Order made anew; it’s going to be something that has a resemblance to it and is based on a similar view of the Force, even arguably its heir, but is just not going to be the same thing.  It can’t be.  Luke doesn’t know what he doesn’t know.

Kanan, of course, is coming into all of this from a similar context as Ahsoka: he grew up in the Jedi Order, it’s what he knows, it’s who he is.  Except Kanan never walked away from the Order, so while Ahsoka had been disconnected from her Jediness at the time of the Purge, he never lost his -- part of Ahsoka’s tension from TCW S7-Rebels was “I can’t be a Jedi because the Order is gone” and Kanan’s was “can I be a Jedi without the Jedi Order?”  (Ezra is a whole ‘nother thing but is somewhat outside the scope of this.)  The Jedi Order never factors in Luke’s Jediness at all.  (There’s some lineage doctrinal dispute here as well -- the Yoda lineage seems to be very closely connected to the Order as the font of Jediness, the Windu-Billaba lineage somewhat less so.  The Yoda lineage is like...the hardcore conservatives of the Jedi Order, though, and are probably not typical.)

Poor Kanan came back from the dead, after a week in another universe (which had its own problems; he’s been trying to very gently convince his counterpart that even after being an Inquisitor for months he can still be a Jedi), into Luke trying to build a new Jedi Order from scratch, Ahsoka firmly believing it couldn’t and shouldn’t be done and not wanting to be in the same room as Luke at all (not to mention that she really did not believe that they should have gone for “hey, let’s send Hera Syndulla to another universe” as even being an option), and both of them having essentially incompatible notions of being a Jedi at each other -- this is probably the most time Luke and Ahsoka ever spent in each other’s presence.  They’ve probably never articulated their problems at each other, just assumed that the other knew them.  And Kanan has his own “how to be a Jedi” approach, which is from a very different than either Ahsoka or Luke because despite originating from the same context as Ahsoka, he had a very different path to get to his present position.

As for what Kanan knows -- uh, pretty much only what Hera knew, and Hera knew very little?  She was friendly with Luke and Leia, but didn’t have much interaction with them -- she states that she had a tendency to avoid Luke because even if she would never say it to Luke’s face, she silently believes that if any Jedi should have been in the Rebel Alliance, it should have been Kanan and Ezra and not this relative newcomer.  If the Death Star 2 news about Vader and Palps was never common knowledge, then Hera wouldn’t have known it.  Kanan’s in a position of having to play catch-up, but also having a completely different priority (finding Ezra).  He sat through this meeting where after they’d finished grilling him on “you were in ANOTHER UNIVERSE and also you CAME BACK FROM THE DEAD?” they politely sniped at each other with a bunch of context he didn’t have and flat out decided that wow, he did not want to deal with this at all, whatsoever.

(This is also not stated in the story, but Luke and Ahsoka also disagreed about whether Jacen should be trained or not: Luke said, yeah, of course, when he’s a little older! and Ahsoka said nope, he’ll be fine, it will go away. Hera was just very “...I will deal with this later” about it since it wasn’t an urgent issue.)

[reachexceedinggrasp]

Would love to hear about your beefs with Lucas because I have beefs with Lucas

(Sorry it took me three thousand years to answer this, anon.)

They mainly fall under a few headings, with the third being the most serious and the thing that I am genuinely irl furious about at least biannually (and feeling unable to adequately sum up The Problem with it after yelling about it so often is a huge part of why this post has been in my drafts for such a long time):

1. His self-mythologising and the subsequent uncritical repetition of his bullshit in the fandom. Obvious lies like that he had some master plan for 10 films when it’s clear he did not have anything like a plot outline at any point. We all know the thing was written at the seat of various people’s pants, it’s blatantly self-evident that’s the case. There’s also plenty of public record about how the OT was written. Even dumber, more obvious lies, like that Anakin was ‘always the protagonist’ and the entire 6 films were his story from the beginning. This is preposterous and every time someone brings it up (usually with palpable smugness) as fanboys ‘not understanding star wars’ because they don't get that ‘the OT is not Luke's story’... Yeah, I just... I cannot.

Vader wasn’t Anakin Skywalker until ESB, it’s a retcon. It’s a brilliant retcon and it works perfectly, it elevated SW into something timeless and special it otherwise would not have been, but you can tell it wasn’t the original plan and there’s proof it wasn’t the original plan. Let’s not pretend. And Luke is the protagonist. No amount of waffling about such esoteric flights of theory as ‘ring structure’ is going to get away from the rigidly orthodox narrative and the indisputable fact that it is Luke’s hero’s journey. Vader’s redemption isn’t about his character development (he has almost none) and has no basis in any kind of convincing psychological reality for his character, but it doesn’t need to be because it’s part of Luke’s arc, because Vader is entirely a foil in Luke’s story. It’s a coming-of-age myth about confronting and growing beyond the father.

All attempts to de-centre Luke in RotJ just break the OT’s narrative logic. It’s a character-driven story and the character driving is Luke. Trying to read it as Anakin’s victory, the moral culmination of his choices rather than Luke’s and putting all the agency into Anakin’s hands just destroys the trilogy’s coherence and ignores most of its content in favour of appropriating a handful of scenes into an arc existing only in the prequels. The dilemma of RotJ is how Luke will define ethical adulthood after learning and growing through two previous films worth of challenge, education, failure, and triumph; it’s his choice to love his father and throw down his sword which answers the question the entire story has been asking. Vader’s redemption and the restoration of the galaxy are the consequences of that choice which tell us what kind of world we’re in, but the major dramatic conflict was resolved by Luke’s decision not the response to it.

And, just all over, the idea of Lucas as an infallible auteur is inaccurate and annoying to me. Obviously he’s a tremendous creative force and we wouldn’t have sw without him, but he didn’t create it alone or out of whole cloth. The OT was a very collaborative effort and that’s why it’s what it is and the prequels are what they are. Speaking of which.

2. The hubris of the prequels in general and all the damage their many terrible, protected-from-editors choices do to the symbolic fabric of the sw universe. Midicholrians, Yoda fighting with a lightsabre, Obi-wan as Anakin's surrogate father instead of his peer, incoherent and unmotivated character arcs, the laundry list of serious and meaningful continuity errors, the bad storytelling, the bad direction, the bad characterisation, the shallowness of the parallels which undermine the OT’s imagery, the very clumsy and contradictory way the A/P romance was handled, the weird attitude to romance in general, it goeth on. I don’t want to re-litigate the entire PT here and I’m not going to, but they are both bad as films and bad as prequels. The main idea of them, to add Anakin’s pov and create an actual arc for him as well as to flesh out the themes of compassion and redemption, was totally appropriate. The concept works as a narrative unit, there are lots of powerful thematic elements they introduce, they have a lot of cool building blocks, it’s only in execution and detail that they do a bunch of irreparable harm.

But the constant refrain that only ageing fanboys don’t like them and they only don’t like them because of their themes or because they humanise Anakin... can we not. The shoddy film making in the prequels is an objective fact. If you want to overlook the bad parts for the good or prioritise ideas over technique, that’s fine, but don’t sit here and tell me they’re masterworks of cinema there can be no valid reason to criticise. I was the exact right age for them when I saw them, I am fully on board with the fairy tale nature of sw, I am fully on board with humanising Anakin- the prequels just have a lot of very big problems with a) their scripts and b) their direction, especially of dialogue scenes. If Lucas had acknowledged his limitations like he did back in the day instead of believing his own press, he could have again had the help he obviously needed instead of embarrassing himself.

3. Killing and suppressing the original original trilogy. I consider the fact that the actual original films are not currently available in any form, have never been available in an archival format, and have not been presented in acceptable quality since the VHS release a very troubling case study in the problems of corporate-owned art. LF seizing prints of the films whenever they are shown, destroying the in-camera negatives to make the special editions with no plans to restore them, and doing all in the company’s considerable power to suppress the original versions is something I consider an act of cultural vandalism. The OT defined a whole generation of Hollywood. It had a global impact on popular entertainment. ANH is considered so historically significant it was one of the first films added to the US Library of Congress (Lucas refused to provide even them with a print of the theatrical release, so they made their own viewable scan from the 70s copyright submission).

The fact that the films which made that impact cannot be legally accessed by the public is offensive to me. The fact that Lucas has seen fit to dub over or composite out entire performances (deleting certain actors from the films), to dramatically alter the composition of shots chosen by the original directors, to radically change the entire stylistic tone by completely reinventing the films’ colour timing in attempt to make them match the plasticy palate of the prequels, to shoot new scenes for movies he DID NOT DIRECT, add entire sequences or re-edit existing sequences to the point of being unrecognisable etc. etc. is NOT OKAY WITH ME when he insists that his versions be the ONLY ones available.

I’m okay with the Special Editions existing, though I think they’re mostly... not good... but I’m not okay with them replacing the original films. And all people can say is ‘well, they’re his movies’.

Lucas may have clear legal ownership in the capitalistic sense, but in no way does he have clear artistic ownership. Forget the fans, I’m not one of those people who argue the fans are owed something: A film is always a collaborative exercise and almost never can it be said that the end product is the ultimate responsibility and possession of one person. Even the auteur directors aren't the sole creative vision, even a triple threat like Orson Welles still had cinematographers and production designers, etc. Hundreds of artists work on films. Neither a writer nor a director (nor one person who is both) is The Artist behind a film the way a novelist is The Artist behind a novel. And Lucas did NOT write the screenplays for or direct ESB or RotJ. So in what sense does he have a moral right to alter those films from what the people primarily involved in making them deemed the final product? In what sense would he have the right to make a years-later revision the ONLY version even if he WERE the director?

Then you get into the issue of the immeasurable cultural impact those films had in their original form and the imperative to preserve something that is defining to the history of film and the state of the zeitgeist. I don't think there is any ‘fan entitlement’ involved in saying the originals belonged to the world after being part of its consciousness for decades and it is doing violence to the artistic record to try to erase the films which actually occupied that space. It's exactly like trying to replace every copy of It's a Wonderful Life with a colourised version (well, it's worse but still), and that was something Lucas himself railed against. It’s like if Michaelangelo were miraculously resuscitated and he decided to repaint the Sistine Ceiling to add a gunfight and change his style to something contemporary.

I get genuinely very upset at the cold reality that generations of people are watching sw for the first time and it’s the fucking SE-except-worse they’re seeing. And as fewer people keep physical media and the US corporate oligarchy continues to perform censorship and rewrite history on its streaming services unchecked by any kind of public welfare concerns, you’ll see more and more ‘real Mandela effect’ type shit where the cultural record has suddenly ‘always’ been in line with whatever they want it to be just now. And US media continues to infect us all with its insidious ubiquity. I think misrepresenting and censoring the past is an objectively bad thing and we can’t learn from things we pretend never happened, but apparently not many people are worried about handing the keys to our collective experience to Disney and Amazon.

4. The ‘Jedi don’t marry’ thing and how he wanted this to continue with Luke post-RotJ, so it’s obviously not meant to be part of what was wrong with the order in the prequels. I find this... incoherent on a storytelling level. The moral of the anidala story then indeed becomes just plain ‘romantic love is bad and will make you crazy’, rather than the charitable reading of the prequels which I ascribe to, which is that the problem isn’t Anakin’s love for Padmé, it’s that he ceased to love her and began to covet her. And I can’t help but feel this attitude is maybe an expression of GL’s issues with women following his divorce. I don’t remember if there’s evidence to contradict that take, since it’s been some time since I read about this but yeah. ANH absolutely does sow seeds for possible Luke/Leia development and GL was still married while working on that film. Subsequently he was dead set against Luke ever having a relationship and decided Jedi could not marry. Coincidence?

There’s a lot of blinking red ‘issues with women’ warning signs all over Lucas’s work, but the prequels are really... egregious.

[chiseler]

Hammett Made It Easy

To put it bluntly, it is simply, humanly impossible to watch Roy Del Ruth’s original 1931 film version of The Maltese Falcon without drawing comparisons and parallels with John Huston’s much more popular (if not exactly “timeless”) version from a decade later. After all, in many fundamental ways the films are a nearly identical match, scene for scene and line for line. Almost, anyway. Enough so that you’d notice.

The fault for this lies squarely on the shoulders of author Dashiell Hammett. whose 1930 novel made straying from the original source material extremely difficult. The sharp dialogue, the snappy pacing, and the already cinematic scene structure are all so very good that there was little reason to go messing with it. In fact, as the story goes, when screenwriter John Huston made the decision to move into directing, Howard Hawks gave him a copy of the book as a potential first project shortly before Huston left on a vacation. Huston handed the book to his secretary and told her to type it up in script format. She did, and it was that initial version straight from the book that was green-lighted by the studio—even before Huston had had a chance to read it.

Huston later made a few minor changes and additions, but one has to wonder if ten years earlier screenwriters Maude Fulton and Brown Holmes didn’t work much the same way, given how much of the 1931 film’s dialogue reappears verbatim in Huston’s—with the notable exception of the Shakespeare quote that closes the latter (a line supposedly suggested by Humphrey Bogart).

Granted, Huston’s film runs twenty minutes longer than Del Ruth’s spiffy 80-minute number (for a number of reasons, including a much larger role for the hapless gunsel Wilmer and an extended final sequence), but nevertheless if you remove the script from the equation, comparing the two films becomes much easier. At that point the remaining important factors are the directors and their styles, and the casts and their performances.

By 1931, Del Ruth was already well underway in a directing career that would find him making comedies, musicals, dramas, Westerns, and even the occasional horror film. Although comedies were his real forte (he would soon direct Lee Tracy in Blessed Event), taking on something like the Hammett novel was not that unusual. He was not a particularly remarkable director, and stylistically his films resembled most other standard films of the day. The scenes were quick, the camera was static, he didn’t have much time for pizzazz. As was the case of so many of the films of the era, his pictures often resembled filmed stage plays. He was on a tight schedule, and as soon as he finished one he had to be on to the next in a couple days. In the end he crafted an entertaining, well-told story, and that’s all the studio and audiences were looking for.

Meanwhile, The Maltese Falcon was going to be Huston’s directorial debut after having solidly established himself as a respected screenwriter. Some of the suits at Warner Brothers were hesitant to let him make the leap, so he had to prove to them he could do it, and approached the film with the kind of energy and big ideas you find with so many first-time directors. Although the film wasn’t as flashy and inventive as Citizen Kane, Huston did pull out a few tricks, like the famed seven-minute take, and the camera work was fluid and energetic. Even if audiences didn’t notice a number of his little flourishes, it was still a very confident film. More importantly, it was an entertaining, well-told story—and that’s what the studio and audiences were really looking for.

(It’s worth noting, however, that Huston’s version was much tamer than Del Ruth’s—perhaps for obvious reasons. In Del Ruth’s version there’s no pussyfooting around the fact that Sam Spade really is having an affair with his partner’s wife. Nor is there any question what happens after Spade accuses Ruth Wonderly/ Brigid O'Shaughnessy of only using money to buy his allegiance.)

What Huston really had on his side was, if not star power exactly, then at least a handful of familiar faces. It might have been Sydney Greenstreet’s film debut, but audiences certainly recognized Mary Astor, Peter Lorre, Elisha Cook, and Bogart. Up until this point of course Bogart had only been a character player, but his star was definitely on the rise, and broke with this film.

Del Ruth, on the other hand, was working with an armload of good, available B actors. Most of them worked regularly, but they weren’t exactly Joan Blondell or Douglas Fairbanks.

It’s in looking at the performances of the two groups that the real differences between the films arises. Take the character of Sam Spade, for instance. Bogart’s performance as the womanizing, sharp tongued private dick always struck me as stiff and stagey—you can almost hear him thinking of each gesture before he makes it, and each line before he speaks it. There’s something tangibly artificial in his performance, the feeling that we really are watching an actor, and moreover one who’s not trying very hard.  Or maybe one who’s letting his stage training get the better of him, thinking the dialogue alone will carry the day. I of course love Bogart, just not here, particularly.

Ricardo Cortez (in reality the NYC-born son of Austrian immigrants) portrayed a much looser, more easy-going Spade, always ready with a quip and forever chasing skirts. He gives a much more relaxed performance that often borders on the straight comic. In spite of the fact that Cortez is much more comfortable in the role, it seems, his Spade is almost out of place here, smirking his way through a double murder investigation.

Seen today, Greenstreet’s   Gutman seems so unique a performance that it immediately became iconic, and a character and performing style he would go on to recreate for the rest of his career. It seems unique anyway, until you see Dudley Digges Gutman from a decade earlier. The similarities between the two performances are shocking. The intonation, vocal tones, the side mutterings, the laughter, the gestures, even the facial expressions are so nearly identical it’s almost as if Greenstreet studied  Digges’ performance closely and decided to recreate it for the remake. Strange thing is, for American character actor Digges, it was a unique role quite unlike anything else he’d played before or would play again. Unless you care to argue that the spirit of the true Kasper Gutman inhabited both actors (and then stayed in Greenstreet), it’s a mighty remarkable coincidence.

One of the more interesting distinctions can be seen in the character of Spade’s secretary, Effie Perine, and more specifically it boils down to a single line reading.

In one of the first and most famous lines of the film, Effie informs Spade that a new client is waiting to see him. In the Huston version, bubbly Lee Patrick says, “You’ll wan to see this one anyway—she’s a knockout!” She seems awfully enthusiastic about it, happy to encourage her boss’s assorted flings. It seems a little odd, but then she spends the rest of the film running errands for Spade and we never give her another thought.

In Del Ruth’s version,  Una Merkel’s Effie does not smile and does not chirp when she says dourly, “You’ll want to see this one anyway. She’s a knockout.”  There’s so much stifled bitterness, frustration, and jealousy in the line that we can read her entire character—almost her whole life—in those few words. And for the rest of the film, whenever Spade asks her to run another errand or do another favor, we know what she’s thinking when she agrees. Thanks to Merkel, Effie becomes the one honestly tragic figure in the entire story, with the possible exception of Wilmer.

As Gutman’s henchman and punk, far be it from me to compare anyone with the great Elisha Cook, Jr.—unless of course it’s the equally great Dwight Frye. Sadly Frye has been given very little to do here except look sullen and angry. In fact he’s only been given a single line of dialogue (“I’ll fog him”). Still, he’s always fun to watch—though admittedly not as much fun here as Cook, who gets to give Bogart a vicious kick in the head.

In the end and over time, the choice of which, if either, version is superior is a simple matter of taste. It does become easier to understand, though, why in the 1950s Del Ruth’s version was redubbed Dangerous Female in order to distinguish it from Huston’s.

by Jim Knipfel

[pikapeppa]

Pikapeppa Tutors: How To Write A Longfic

Greetings, friends! I am Pikapeppa (queenofkadara on AO3), and today I’m writing a little tutorial about how to write a longfic. 

Before we dive into it, first things first: how do we define a longfic? In a nutshell: there is no fully agreed-upon answer. Different people define it in different ways. Word count is often used to define a longfic, but I don’t think that’s sufficient; furthermore, there is literally no agreement whatsoever about the word count required to count as a longfic. For the purposes of this tutorial, I will define a longfic as a multi-chaptered fic with a complex plot, and which is the same length or longer than the Great Gatsby - i.e. longer than 47k words.

Given this definition, I have completed 10 longfics, and I have completed 7 more multi-chaptered fics with complex plots which are <47 words. This is the experience I’m drawing from for this tutorial, and please be warned in advance that I have no formal writing training, so if you want advice from someone with formal training, then, it’s, er, best to look elsewhere. 😅 Please also note that this is based only on how I personally write longfics. Others might do different things, but this is just my method, which has successfully allowed me to finish every project I’ve started.

For me, writing a longfic involves following the following steps:

Know the endpoint of the fic.

Make an outline.

Write the chapters in order. 

Easy, right? NAH, BRO. It can be tough! But let’s break this all down piece by piece. Then I’ll address the final topic of editing and actually posting the fic. 

1. Know your endpoint. 

One question I’ve received is how to think long-term for a story rather than one chapter at a time. My biggest and most important piece of advice for a longfic is this: know how you want the story to end. Does your main couple live happily ever after, or do they have a terrible sad breakup? Is the villain defeated, or do they escape to wreak havoc another day? Does your character make a startling realization that spurs them to change, or do their flaws lead to their downfall? The endpoint doesn’t need to be specific, and you don’t need to know how exactly it come about. But you need to know what the most important part of your ending will be. You should know the target that you’re aiming at before you start writing. If you know the ultimate goal of your story, you can keep that in mind while writing each of your chapters so that they serve that ultimate goal. 

The nice thing about this advice: if the longfic you want to write is a retelling of a canon game/show/whatever through your OC’s eyes, then you already have the endpoint. I will call this kind of longfic a “novelization”, and this constitutes 4 of my 10 longfics. Because the endpoint is already given to you by the canon game, novelizations can be a great way to ease into writing longfics, and a great way to practice the various elements of writing a longer story such as pacing and developing relationships, since the main plot points and conclusions already exist. Similarly, if your longfic idea is a fix-it fic because you didn’t like the ending that the canon game gave you, the endpoint is already still there: you know the alternate ending that you want, and every chapter you write can be geared toward building up to that ending. 

On more than one occasion, I have put aside a fic idea I liked because I didn’t know how the story was going to end. On the flip of this, I have written an entire plot knowing nothing but the endpoint (*cough* the entire Arlathan Forest arc of Where The Winds Of Fortune Take Me *cough*). So this would actually be my #1 piece of takeaway advice: before starting a longfic, know how it’s going to end. This way, you have a clear goal that the rest of the fic can aim toward.

2. Make an outline.

A number of people have expressed concerns about outlines. How much of the story should be outlined before writing? How strictly do you need to stick to the outline? How important is it to have an outline?

I totally understand the anxiety about outlining. If you’re more of a pantser than a plotter, outlining can be tough. I personally am far more of a plotter, though I have also had the experience of flying by the seat of my pants before (see above aside re: Where The Winds Of Fortune Take Me). All I can tell you is what I usually do and what I would advise. As a quick summary before I dig into it, though, I would say this: The outline can be as detailed or as vague as you want/need it to be, and it should be fluid.

Step 1: Throw down all your ideas in no particular order. 

When I’m just starting to develop a fic idea, the outline is literally just a dumping ground of all my ideas so I don’t forget them. It contains everything in no particular chronological order including plot ideas, character traits, big moments in the romantic relationship that I want to hit, and so on. Really, then, the outline starts off as just a place to brainstorm, with no particular structure needed. 

Step 2: Organize the ideas sequentially.

Once I’ve got all my initial ideas down, I’ll start organizing them sequentially, preparing for the order in which they’ll arise in the fic. If you write on a computer, this is easy to do just by cutting and pasting events in your doc; if you’re more of a visual organizer, it might help to print or write all your ideas on slips of paper and stick them up on the wall so you can move them around, like what Jane the Virgin does.  

By the time this step is done, the outline should, at minimum, consist of a series of events/ideas/conversation snippets etc. that are ordered by when they happen in the story. It could have further organization beyond this, too, if that helps you; for example, almost all of my stories are romances, so they have headings like “Who is Rynne Hawke”, “Fenris psychology”, and “Major relationship moments”. The amount of organization you do at this point is up to you. All that matters is that you start organizing the chaotic jumble of ideas and putting them in order of when they happen in the fic. 

Step 3: Break the events into chapters.

Once my events are generally ordered, I’ll start dividing the events up chapter by chapter based on what I think would be reasonable chunks of plot/relationship development. Importantly, this remains fluid through the entire writing of the fic. I don’t think I’ve ever stuck to the number of chapters I originally planned; I always end up breaking chapters up, or moving things from a later chapter into an earlier one or vice versa, and it works just fine for me. All of this is because The outline is not set in stone. There is no reason things can’t change in the middle of the fic or be moved around as needed. The outline should be thought of as a tool to store your thoughts so you don’t forget, and to organize them in order to help you make your way toward that endpoint. 

It’s also worth noting that my outlines become more and more detailed as I get closer to the chapter in question. For example, if the story is 15 chapters, I might only have a couple lines of plot points for the last 5 chapters when I start writing. By the time I’m coming up on those last 5 chapters, I’ll have a much better idea of what will happen in them since I know what plot points and relationship points need to be wrapped up, and I’ll thus be able to add more details and ideas to the outline. Again, this calls to the outline being fluid and changing as the story goes on. It is not set in stone.

As a final note about this, if the fic is really long, such as Lovers In A Dangerous Time (67 chapters total and >500k words), it is ABSOLUTELY NOT NECESSARY to have the entire story mapped out or to know exactly what’s going to happen in the later chapters. All you need to know is your endpoint, and to have a vague sense of what might happen in those later chapters that will serve the endpoint of the story. Again, this all calls to the outline being a memory and organizational aid rather than a strict and inflexible sequence of a events. 

In sum: the outline should not be thought of as a strict roadmap for your fic. It is a tool that helps you make your way toward the ultimate endpoint of your fic. It allows you to store and organize your thoughts, and it is perfectly fine for it to be fluid and to change as the story goes on. It can be as detailed or as vague as you want, and the amount of detail in it will likely depend on whether you’re a plotter or a pantser. Outlines are never set in stone, and there is no one best way of outlining! The outline is there to help you, not to intimidate you!

 3. Write the chapters in order.

Now, I suspect that this point might raise some objections, but hear me out. Writing a long story is a labour of love, but it is still labour. In any longfic, there are going to be parts that are less fun to write. There are also going to be parts that you are REALLY REALLY JAZZED about writing, and you will want to get straight to those parts and write them because you’re psyched about them. The reason I’m suggesting that you write the chapters in order is to spread out the “work” and the “fun” evenly through the process. If you evenly distribute the less-fun and more-fun parts, then you can use the “fun” bits as a treat for yourself to get yourself through the less-fun bits. You’re basically using your own project as a reward for creating that project, and honestly, there is nothing more satisfying than getting that kind of intrinsic motivation from your own work. 

For example, I hate writing battle scenes. So when the fic gets to a point when I have to write a stupid battle scene, I keep my eye on the prize and tell myself something like: “okay, just finish this battle scene, then you can reward yourself with the fun after-battle banter or smut.”

Here’s another way to think of this: when you’re reading a story, anticipation is key. The buildup to the main event, whether that main event is a big character reveal or the First Kiss/First Fuck, is so important. If you’re reading a story, you don’t want to jump straight to the chapter where the reveal or kiss happens. You want to build up to the big moments when you’re reading a story. Why wouldn’t you want to build up to them as a writer, too?

There are more practical reasons to write sequentially, too. If you write the fic in sequence, it may be easier to keep track of what you’ve done and to know where you’re going next. It can also happen that while you’re writing, you come up with new ideas that you hadn’t thought of when you first started the fic, and those new ideas can have a huge impact on later events. But if you’ve already written the later events, it can be more difficult to incorporate the new idea into what you’ve already done. 

This is not to say you can’t write BITS of later chapters/conversations and hang on to them for later. There absolutely is room for writing when the inspiration strikes. I’ll often have an idea for a conversation or a smut scene that I can’t use until later, so I’ll just write it down and throw it into the outline until the appropriate moment arises. For example, in Lovers In A Dangerous Time, there is a very angsty conversation between Fenris and Hawke in chapter 63 that I had plotted out in point-form about 3-4 months before I actually wrote the chapter. I plotted out the most important lines of that conversation WAY ahead of time, but I forbade myself from writing the scene in detail until the rest of the fic up to threat point was written. 

TLDR: Writing sequentially helps you to reward your story writing with your own story. It allows you to build anticipation for your own story, and it lets you stay flexible and open to new ideas that arise during the process. You can and should write bits of the fun chapters, especially so you don’t forget them, but I strongly suggest saving them and rewarding yourself with them for when the proper time comes. 

Okay, those are basically my three big steps in writing a longfic! Now to talk a little bit about editing and posting. These are not so much advice as just a little bit of my own experience, and what I’ve seen/heard others do.

Editing: a few remarks

I post my fics chapter-by-chapter, which means that I edit and clean each chapter to my satisfaction before I post it. My personal editing process usually involves three passes: a first read and edit, which involves the most changes; a second edit which involves more tweaks than big changes; and a final read before I post, where I try and often fail UGH to catch typos or subtle errors.

It is not necessary to do it this way, however. I know some people prefer to write the whole story, then go back and edit it from the start. This makes total sense, really; this way you can make sure your events are cohesive, and that you haven’t left any loose ends untied that you might have forgotten about. I would say this is a matter of preference, but I wonder if your writing speed might also play a role in this. I’m a fast writer, so I don’t usually forget what I’ve done earlier in the fic by the time I get to the end. But with Where The Winds Of Fortune Take Me, which involved a month-long break at one point, I did find myself having to go back and reread old chapters to refresh my memory. So if you’re a slower writer, you might find it helpful to write the whole story, or at least big chunks of it, and then read it through for cohesion before you start to post.

Posting: a few remarks

As I mentioned before, I post chapter-by-chapter. One question I’ve been asked is whether to stick to a posting schedule, or to post when you feel like it. I have done both, and I think either choice is equally valid. All I can really do is explain my experience with this.

When I was a relatively newer writer, I was hardcore obsessed with Horizon Zero Dawn and I was posting a chapter of my Aloy/Nil longfic every day. It wasn’t just my obsession driving this, but also I was getting comments and kudos every single day on every chapter from hungry readers since it was a relatively rarepair at the time. It was basically a crazy feedback loop of me providing fic and getting a lot of comments and then being spurred to keep feeding my own obsession and provide more fic. 

Nowadays, however, I stick to a weekly update schedule for my longfics, and I have a lot of reasons for this. For readers, I get the sense that weekly updates give them something to look forward to and helps build anticipation for tense moments in the fic. It can also give readers some time to digest the previous week’s chapter before receiving the next. I also get the sense that for writers who update and write a lot [points at self], if a reader gets a million update emails from a writer, it can be overwhelming and make the reader feel guilty about not staying up to date with the writer’s works, and there is nothing I HATE more than having readers feel like it’s homework to keep up with my writing. 

My reasons are more selfish, too. I’ve discovered that if I post two chapters on the same day, many readers will only comment on the second chapter. If I space out the posting, I get more engagement from readers, and since I, like all writers, am a whore for comments, I’ve learned to purposely hold on to my chapters and space them out in the hopes that more people will engage with me when they read them. THERE, YOU ALL KNOW MY DIRTY LITTLE SECRET. PLEASE DON’T JUDGE ME.

Another note on posting schedules and engagement, specifically relating to AO3: when you search in AO3, by default, the results are organized in terms of most recently updated fics. Every time you update your fic, it will show up at the top of the search hit list, thus increasing the chances that someone new will notice it and decide to read it. Spreading out the frequency of your posting can thus optimize the amount of times that it shows up at the top of the search. 

All right, that’s pretty much all I have to say about all this! If I had to sum it all up, though, I would stick to the three-point process I outlined above:

Know your endpoint, and aim toward it.

Make an outline, and remember that the outline is your friend. It’s a memory tool and an organizational aid, and it can and likely will change as your fic goes on.

Write the fic in sequential order, and use your own story to motivate yourself. 

I said this before, but writing a longfic really is a labour of love. It can take months or years to finish a longfic, and it is not always easy. It’s my hope that this little tutorial will make the process less daunting and help some of you guys launch into writing that story you always wanted to write!

If anyone has any other ideas for tutorials that they’d like me to address, please feel free to send me an ask or a PM!

- Lots of love from your friendly neighbourhood Pikapeppa xoxo