#this really hasn’t been that hard
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As someone who rarely gets tired of eating the same thing over and over again I COULD be vegan forever. Theoretically. I’ve fulfilled the 3 good meals quota.
#god bless the 3 pillars of veganism#lentils guacamole and Oreos#I love discovering things I already like are vegan#graham crackers for one#gummi candies#I’m not gonna be an annoying vegan bc I can’t give up cream cheese bagel or dunkin donut but#this really hasn’t been that hard#I’m gonna live 4ever
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I’ve been losing my mind over these guys recently
#transformers#humanformers#decepticons#Starscream#skywarp#thundercracker#Soundwave#shockwave#wavewave#seekers#a lot of these are unfinished cause my iPad started overheating 😭#idk how actual pilot uniforms are supposed to look- tbh I just worked off one ref image + some from top gun#I don’t really want it the fits to look too similar to any existing uniforms cause I’m not trying to imply anything#anyway- thundercracker has honestly turned out to be my potential favorite??#I’m not sure yet cause I basically love all the main decepticons but fr it might be thundercracker#but it’s okay- I don’t HAVE to pick one fave I suppose#ughhh transformers has been such a nice change of pace from mk cause what is even going on over there??#I’m only excited for the t1000 and I’ve been DYING waiting for him to be playable#terminator 2 honestly in my top 10 movies and t1000 in top ten villains tbh#Robert Patrick did such a phenomenal job it just hasn’t been topped#but yeah wtf is even going on in mk?? like who the flying fuck asked for Conan??#but anyway I should probably actually draw either prime or tf one#I just love g1 so much plus the designs are literal squares it’s so much easier 😭#I’m also just attached to who whimsical it is? such simpler times#I think transformers tries to hard to be dark and brooding sometimes#which is my main criticism for how Optimus is in prime but that’s a whole nother conversation#I will say though prime did a good job of converting the dark bayverse designs#and making them fun an appealing to look at#doodle#my art
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can’t sleep. here’s doodles for an animatic I’ll never post. ✌️
#today has just been really hard#im trying very hard to stay positive but#ugh#drawing isa has always been cathartic for me I’m glad that hasn’t changed :)#anyway. rn I’m sketching another animatic that hopefully I actually WILL post but those sketches are even messier than these so#for now y’all get these#I am proud of them :)#phineas and ferb#isabella garcia shapiro#phinabella#phinbella#pnf#vent art#cadence rambles
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#tw: loss#tw: death#I just need to tag ramble for a second#found out my uncle passed away kind of out of nowhere#we weren’t super close because he burned a lot of bridges in 2019-20#but still. my mom is taking it really hard#and I can’t really do anything for now because she’s in New England and I live in the Midwest right now#and I can’t book a flight for another two weeks minimum#the only child who left home guilt is hitting tonight#I’m so tired of loss#2020 was my grandma#2022 was another family member#2024 was my grandpa that hasn’t even been a year yet#on top of a lot of work nonsense happening right now and not being able to find a new job#I’m so exhausted by it I just want a break#if you read this thank you and I appreciate you I mostly just needed this out
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am i the only person who tends to think of pain in pitch?
as in, pain can be “high pitch” or “low pitch” — if its sharp, like a paper cut or heartburn or aching, its high pitch; if its like a stubbed toe or sore muscles or a headache, its low pitch
high pitch pain is when you hiss, low pitch pain is when you groan, etc etc
i dont know if this makes sense to anyone else?????
(because everytime im writing fanfiction i have to hold myself back from describing it that way — and im not even sure i could fully, effectively communicate that w/o breaking immersion — but me saying “sharp pain” has become. a problem. probably. i really need alternatives)
#and i for some reason associate high pitch pain with light colors and low pitch pain with dark colors#its not exactly word for word like that but its the best way i can think of right now to put it#yes this was sparked by my shepnax fic#yes ive been writing it for a week and am one paragraph into chapter 2#god what i would give to not stare at my screen for 10 minutes straight with a fully blank mind and actually. you know. write#it is what it is#if anyone has any alternatives…please let me know bc google hasn’t been very helpful (but I haven’t looked very hard since im curious if#other people think like this too)#GOD I JUST REMEMBERED I STILL HAVE HALF THE PROMISED DRAWINGS TO DO#SHOOT SHOOT SHOOT#UHM#MY BAD YALL???#ill try to crank em out tomorrow#whoops#jade rambles#-> really living up to this tag right now huh#not art#writing
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Almost back home!!! I’ve been away for two weeks and I haven’t had good internet connection. Looking forward to getting back home.
I’ve been quiet cause of it, so how about a shop/merch update!! The products from my shop have already gone through a round of proofs this last week after I placed the order (as some files had gotten mixed up). I’m hoping the products finish their manufacturing and are shipped to me within this next week or so!
I’ve ordered extras of everything to put up in the shop as “in stock” after I send out my preorders, also ordered a few items as samples. They had a higher MOQ (minimum order quantity) so if they turn out well, I’d like to do a giveaway with some of them!
#I know I’ve been kind of quiet in general lately too apologies for that#gonna be honest and life has been pretty rough lately#general TW I reference death below#two incidents happened a few months ago regarding almost losing brother and losing a cousin to horrible situations#and it’s really been very difficult to deal with and has brought on a lot of haze and mental dullness or inability to focus#and tbh even months later it’s still been very difficult#it’s why I’ve probably come across as closed off or absent these last few months#so just explaining that#I’m still overcoming it but I believe I’m doing better now#I have been unable to mentally pull myself together enough to successfully create any content like fics or art#though I’m trying very hard#it is getting easier too. I have written a lot more on vacation than I’ve mana fed to write in a long time#I still love and appreciate PLA and submas so so much that just hasn’t been able to manifest in content creation lately#but it has manifested in buying merch haha#when I get home I may just show my collection#I am still alive in this fandom#if you’ve read this far thank you#and thank you for sticking around while I’ve been quiet!!
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Smiles. Have this that I’m working on (a scene I’m adding later into Burn)
#burn au#amphibia#anne boonchuy#sasha waybright#marcy wu#sars writes#sashannarcy#i regret nothing#enjoy pain#i worked really hard on this#hasn’t been edited#tw blood#tw death#oops forgot to add those
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this week had everything to be the worst week of the year and honestly I’ve been keeping it together so well, I’m really proud of myself
#lemon man talks#Obviously I’m not 100% well but I haven’t snapped!!#I’ve been reading jshk and osnf + I’m rewatching osnf and honestly it hasn’t been that hard to ignore the bad things#We had a two day holiday so I’ve been resting a bunch and I’m planning on buying some yarn and a crochet needle wednesday#I got new headphones and I’m really happy about this and I’m really excited to pick up crochet!!#I took a walk today and it wasn’t that bad#I’ve been feeling bad about some things but honestly I’ve been way worse dude#I’m handling this pretty well considering everything
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I mean I’m obsessed with crash landing on you because it’s like if a hallmark movie was good and that is fascinating to my brain and healing to my heart.
#I didn’t think such a thing was possible#I’ve been living very much in a world of extremes lately re: Art#like. on the one hand all the great works I teach just taking OVER my brain#and my knowledge of them deepening at a very rapid pace#(sometimes in a too terrifying way so I feel like I’m hurtling down a hill. it’s actually really hard sometimes and I think part of how)#(my anxiety is manifesting itself. like. I just. I don’t feel like I’ve taken a deep breath in a year)#(I’ve just been in. motion.)#and then on the other hand finding new ways to find shows like Bridgerton dead#and Bridgerton helps with that because it is emotionally hollow. because it is fundamentally embarrassing#because Anthony snarling at Kate about how his honor is hanging by a thread isn’t sexy at all#so my mind has kind of just been living in those two extremes and there hasn’t been a lot of room for gentleness or nuance#but cloy is very healing 😭 and it just doesn’t#push the buttons in my brain that immediately need to analyze and#to some extent—destroy! tear apart! with fierce and savage energy.#it just lets my brain and heart exist.#and also there is something so sweet and pure and real about so much of it#I think it’s cause it’s true love 😭 and it’s that simple.#(I’ve also outgrown/moved on from some of the more mediocre things I used to love. Like I just needed something new) but yeah.#it has been very hard in my brain lately even though it’s also been very good#like. teaching is just a lot these days. because it takes sooooooo much effort and work to get the kids going intellectually speaking#and one of the only ways I know how to reach them. or at least the lane I’m really driving in right now#(I know there are more ways)#is simply speaking to them above their heads. with passion and energy and a certain degree of expertise#and it’s WORKING#because it wakes them up and makes them want to engage#but I am also moving so fast and so vulnerably for all of my certainty. that it’s just hard.#I need to relax but I can’t. I feel like the devil is behind me every second#this is dramatic. and as Lewis said in surprised by joy it’s only one layer of what’s happening#but it is what happening#a lot of things are unfolding/growing and also the anxiety is terrible
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(More thoughts and drafting! Some weird formatting I know but it was all one block in my notes)
Emma is doing just fine. Average. It’s really not so bad.
She’s just been dealing with a lot of change. And with too many things not changing.
Which is… an odd thing to struggle with.
Because she likes change. Daunting challenges. The unpredictable. Doing new things every day and never being scared of them. And she likes independence.
She had thought so, at least.
After the show, she had been hit in the face with just how… isolated she was. She had only had two friends before the first season, but she had left them behind. Her mother wasn’t doing the best, and she didn’t have any nearby family.
She found herself laying in her bed in the middle of the day most of the time, scrolling through her contacts and old conversations.
Or scrolling through her comments on TikTok.
A few weeks ago, she had tried some stunt involving a motorcycle and an inflatable pool. She probably wouldn’t have messed it up if her hands weren’t trembling.
(She had forgot to check the breaks, and wasn’t sure if they were working.)
(They were.)
The blood dripping down her face and the gash in her lip didn’t sting as much as it did watching the video.
She looked ridiculous, and she probably always did. It was better when she had someone else to do it with. Maybe she was losing her touch.
She didn’t post the video.
She turned back to dancing instead, which did feel less embarassing, despite the constant mocking feedback. Sure, the jokes were “funny”, but she didn’t care about any of it. She didn’t feel the rush, she wasn’t planning every day, and she wasn’t known or loved for anything.
Except for what she lost.
And, the show, to an extent.
-Ugh, she misses the show. She shouldn’t, but as stupid as it sounds, she really did. She missed doing crazy things and talking to people. Having a chance of winning. Beating everyone. Being cheered on. It wasn’t always great, but at least it was something. She misses doing something.
And she really misses Bowie. She missed Bowie, but she knows better than anyone that she can’t go back to that. They just- have better things to do now. He probably does.
He’s got Raj- which is great! And she’s happy for him! She’s happy for everyone. For Wayne, however he’s doing, for Julia, despite everything.
And Caleb. For having Priya.
Emma is jealous that Bowie gets to have someone.
Emma is jealous that everyone else gets to have someone.
Emma is jealous that, unlike everyone else, winning the show probably wouldn’t have made her any happier.
She isn’t sure what would.
#cw injury mention#(very brief)#writing her always feels weird because I like to explore things that weren’t at all touched in canon#because we only see her as angry at Chase or lighthearted and silly#but I think she’d feel sort of empty. especially with how much attention she would be used to and craving#with Chase and her number of fans. I think she'd struggle with individuality a lot.#and you can't just be super angry and then careless.. like she would have a lot of guilt too#like e4s2 and when Bowie and her fought are what I’m going off of#plus she’s portrayed as a person who wants validation/social interaction/close relationships#and she doesn’t really have that. she doesn't get people and she only really has Chase#also you can’t tell me she loves TikTok and it’s so good for her mental health lol I use TikTok and nobody has ever thought that#but yeah it’s hard to analyze and elaborate on a character who’s been kind of wasted in canon#but still I think there’s so many fun ways to view her#original post#total drama#total drama island#total drama 2023#total drama reboot#td spoilers#technically this is Priyemma based but I won’t tag it as such cus it isn’t obvious. The Priyaleb line hints to that#I think Emma would have gotten really attached to her though.. arghhh.#because Priya trusted her and supported her and liked her and she hasn’t actually had that before. She hadn't been cared about as her own#person. and her missing Bowie… oomph it hurts. auuughgusuughh#gah sorry for ranting lol but I love her#td Emma#Emma td#tdi Emma#Emma tdi#total drama emma#emma total drama
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The weight of the world is a heavy burden
Especially for a child
(Or, in slightly less dramatic terms – I imagine that the first of her past lives that Avatar Suiren [who is the Avatar after Aang instead of Korra in my AU, and also Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughter] gets to talk to is Yangchen, because she is too plagued by memories not her own [including Jetsun’s death, fun fact]. And Yangchen wouldn’t want another child to go through what she did on their own)
(Or maybe someone just needed an excuse to draw @katkastrofa’s latest obsession in a context that interests them as well, just in time to maybe cheer her up a little? You can’t prove anything)
#my art#artists on tumblr#the legend of korra#Avatar Suiren AU#Kat and Nia and their multiverse of madness#yangchen#original character#sotrl suiren#if you’re wondering what the context is. Suiren is around 8 or 9 here. already having revealed herself as the Avatar to her parents#and it has been Hard. because as much as they try to maintain a sense of normalcy for her. it’s clear that things have changed#they never accounted for their daughter turning out to be the Avatar. they hoped Aang dying on the night she was born to be a coincidence#all of their plans now have to be rethought and put on hold because her safety is more important than anything else#she is never blamed for anything. she is still just as loved. yet there’s now a heaviness in their gazes whenever they look at her#the Avatar as a concept should not exist. it is too much power and responsibility for one being who is ultimately human#that’s what Suiren was taught. so what do those teachings mean if she’s the Avatar?#basically.. a whole lot of cognitive dissonance and she hasn’t even been alive for a decade yet#and all her life her head was filled by strange memories and dreams. fragments of lives not her own. sometimes nightmares#and usually her mama would comfort her through it but tonight… she just wants to be alone#so she wanders off. not too far. but enough that she wouldn’t be heard. and just softly cries#because it’s too much. because she doesn’t want to be the Avatar. why her? why not anyone else?#and as she whispers that she wishes she wasn’t the Avatar. her mind is assaulted by memories of previous Avatars saying the same thing#it really is a never ending cycle of too much burden being placed on a single person. but that realisation is anything but comforting#she begs for it to stop because that grief of life over life spent pushing a boulder uphill is just Too Much#and before she knows it. it ceases. only to be replaced by a blue glow visible even through closed eyelids#and a feather light touch of hands on her face. it doesn’t feel exactly like human hands by virtue of belonging to a spirit#that helps her relax a little. reminding her of mama’s touch. she looks at the person who appeared before her. her mind supplies the name#‘Avatar Yangchen?’. she whispers. but the woman is nowhere near as stoic and peaceful as she’s shown to be in every depiction of her#she looks.. sad. concerned. as burdened by grief as Suiren herself is. she’s not just a legendary figure from a time long gone#not yet another past life Suiren would never measure up to. she’s… human. capable of human emotion. just like Suiren is#I’m not sure how their conversation goes and have no inspiration to come up with anything. but I just wanted to draw them interacting
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whats that ? hes been alive for centuries ? nah thats just the coffee and spite keeping him alive , no way hes a cryptic
oh ? the sun hurts him ? uhm thats just a ,, severe sunray reaction ! yeah ! that can happen right ?
( im having so much fun thinking of this au can you tell )
It’s so fun, I need to get tag going for it 😂 But god Frank just being that fuckin oblivious is my new favorite thing ever. Like so suspicious of everyone else that he doesn’t consider that he’s got any strange habits that would suggest anything about himself because I mean, who would know Frank better than Frank? Surely there’s nothing he could’ve possibly missed
#additionally the thought of him having been alive for so long is kind funny#just assumes people can just. Do That if they tried hard enough#which is to say he hasn’t really tried at all#though I do love the thought of this taking place in a bit more normal world#where like I said nighttime is just fine and I’d say they could leave the neighborhood if they pleased#so Frank just being around for years#and hear me out#has had previous lovers that just kinda drifted off over time#but they all looked and acted very similar to Eddie
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Shunsuke Daito during the Kiryu saga stream earlier this year: *sad about being replaced in Ishin and longs to do more RGG content*
Shunsuke Daito, months later as he sits across a vaping Yokoyama on the official YouTube channel to be involved in the Tokyo Game Show:
#yakuza#ryu ga gotoku#like a dragon#baba shigeki#kind of if you pretend hard enough#but no really why is he here and all over for TGS???#he stands out a lot compared to the more apparently relevant cast members#and I don’t even mean that in a bad way he just hasn’t been here since the first Ishin so it’s like?????? hello sir????? uh hi????
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i wish i could draw again. It’s strange to loose what i loved for my whole life
#sorry to complain about this a millionth time…. it’s odd#it’s a chore to me. for so very long now.. and i feel so deeply unsettled and upset by this.#Joy is found in enjoying things but this hasn’t been one of them in almost 2 years now. i’m still thinking that this is#because methods of sharing art are scattered now.#i don’t .. want to post in a discord server where it gets burried#i don’t want to post on twitter where i fight for it#or on tumblr where it’s hard to tag anything unique or self made#fur affinity is close to deviantart but it’s all artists looking for commissions ( very valid#but i miss the communication and comments ..)#deviantart is a joke and i hate insta/tiktok… ect…#maybe that’s it… no reason to draw in my mind cause no one will see it#sorry. i really don’t think my art is Bad necessarily and i appreciate evryone thats ever liked it!#but it’s just. hard#In General…?#speak#oh well… here’s to hoping
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finished silly doodles of the hypercluster au where everything is normal and the princess is just a major shut in with major mommy issues. might draw more from this au (specifically data and barnaby) but that’s for later
character list: The Princess/ “Genevieve”, Lucille, Amitie (belongs to @radvercity), Mother/“Melissa”.
individual doodles under cut cuz some r a bit hard to read
“Claire’s lobotomy and HRT*
*for my girlfriend”
“My mom’s gonna fire you if you smoke around me.”
“Well your mom’s a total bitch, sooo…”
gay people (idk why it turned orangeish but it’s fine)
“I’m headed to work now. Stay out of trouble. Remember that Lucille isn’t allowed to watch Five Nights at Freddy’s playthroughs.”
“Yep, got it. (Probably going to let her watch them anyways)
“(wanted to watch fnaf playthroughs)”
“Melissa Sinclaire (hottest mom ever)”
“Mommy can I go play outs-“
“Not now, dear. Mommy is in the middle of a VERY convoluted custody battle!”
#oc#ocs#oc rp#crep’s ocs#art#digital art#hypercluster#this au is so silly#lucille hasn’t been allowed anywhere near fnaf since the chuck e incident…#it was a tragedy…#really funny though.#a really funny tragedy#her mother supports her skin stealing habits but it’s just a bit hard to explain to the cops#all of them are unique for their crimes
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been thinking about anya all week and wow. wow. jimmy really makes her out to be this incompetent loser but really, jimmy was not only the reason curly ended up in such a state, but anya managed to keep him alive even though they were stranded and had little medical care… he made a big deal out of everything, was rude to her when he didn’t have to and made sure to make her feel sick every single time he “helped” out. but he didn’t help. he was dramatic and emotionally volatile and made her feel useless just because she asked him to do a simple thing. she already felt terrible and scared, having been literally raped by him and forced to stay in the same enclosed area as him until they’re rescued or something happens and she did her best to stay away from him, to protect herself, to lock herself away (wanting locks on rooms, locking the medical room when she died) or have some kind of defense (hiding the gun) against him because he was terrifying, didn’t view her as human or equal in any sense and didn’t see anything wrong with the way he took over her body. jimmy already has a pattern of using people, like when he used daisuke’s idolization of him to get daisuke hurt in the air vents to save ANYA. because jimmy didn’t wanna get hurt or save anya. he takes responsibility at the end but not for anya. he thinks his true crime that everyone’s out to get him for is because of what he did to curly. but he’s okay with people getting hurt and he’s okay with anya being scarred forever and hurt because he doesn’t view anya as a person so he never takes responsibility. he doesn’t even notice. he doesn’t care
#anya is so much more than what you see of her#all because of jimmy#he doesn’t think she’s a person at all#🧸#she’s been doing all of these things to take care of people#and jimmy acts like she hasn’t#because HE is the one making things hard#and views anya as beneath him more than anyone#so he discredits her any chance he gets#it’s absurd really to watch the medical room scenes and all he does is tell anya how terrible she is#while he goes to administer pain meds to the guy he burned alive essentially#and the only times jimmy comes to his senses are when he’s around curly#because he doesn’t think he’s been wrong to anya. at all.#he only gives his emotional speech or advice to curly#he never apologizes. does anything for anya. he does for daisuke and swansea even just a little#never anya
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