#this probably means less time on tumblr but
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It's been a while since we talked about SPN. So I wanted to ask you what you think of this essay on Sam (if you have the patience to listen to it, it's about 20 minutes). For some things the author's opinions are legitimate but for others, in my opinion, they are not. Especially for the finale, on which I do not share this opinion at all. www*youtube*com/watch?v=xLCB4RhiP5A&t=4s
I'm not even going to add the link, which tells you what I think of Rachel's opinion. I only agree that season 4 was a bit of a misfire.
Three minutes into the video and I was already bored with her complaints over the "lack" Sam's autonomy and pov. Her Dean blaming got old really fast. Yeah, Dean is unfair towards Sam but 1) that's what brothers do, and most importantly 2) that's what happens to main characters, they constantly get shitted on. One of the biggest reliefs in real life is realizing you're not the main character. In The X Files, Mulder is called a loser even by the freaks and rarely given grace. Nobody apparently trusts Bode in Fire Country despite saving lives. Xena was always getting reminded of her less stellar past in Warrior Princess.
Sam girls get mad when stuff from Sam’s past gets brought up because they think he’s being unfairly punished for it. At least Sam’s past is valid enough to be mentioned. Cas’s storyline gets the LOL treatment and Dean’s arcs are always getting dropped; his hell trauma, tenure as the torturer’s apprentice, Michael’s vessel, demon, MOC, all are dropped and largely forgotten.
Probably the only time the AAs and I are in agreement is Dean's pov means squat because Dean isn't being talked about by other characters. Dean and his pov mainly revolve around Sam. To quote a casual observer I found on tumblr: Sam gets the larger story arcs in the show and Dean gets more of the “silly and fun” filler episodes.
As for Sam's autonomy, my guess is she and I have differing views on the meaning of the word. IMO, autonomous characters often have these traits:
A tendency to resist authority (Sam rebelling against John, Dean, Lucifer, and Chuck)
High level of self-assuredness (Sam knows himself outside the hunting lifestyle)
A need for personal space and privacy (Sam is a private person and admits not sharing his deep personal issues with Dean)
A preference for independence in social situations (Sam is not a follower)
An innate desire for control and decision making power (Sam's life long issue, demon blood infection made it worse)
A desire to set and achieve individual goals and aspirations. (Sam's consistent endgame through the entire series)
A character with autonomy means they have ability to act independently and make decisions without being influenced by others. They have strong sense of self, able to think critically, are self-sufficient and able to take responsibility for their actions. Doesn't that last sentence sound like Sam Winchester to the tee?
Oh yeah I very much Disagree with her take on the series finale. Sam didn't die a bitter old man, what the heck was Rachel watching??? Sam peacefully passed away in his house with his beloved son at his side. Sam's son was clearly a well adjusted young man with a happy childhood. Happy well adjusted offsprings don't come from bitter parents. Sam wasn't bitter, sad yes, but not bitter because he accomplished the goal he had since his own childhood: to have a normal life outside of hunting and raise his own family. Most SPN fans were happy or satisfied with the finale because the Winchester legacy lives on.
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I'm so happy today. I hope you guys are having a nice day <33 💐
#v speaks#first day of training as a corporate girl c:#I was so nervous at first#but everyone is so nice to me and the job is really easy#I still feel so shy but doing my best always 👍🏼#let's goooo#this probably means less time on tumblr but#I will try to manage time better
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i think the wildest cognitive dissonance i've had re: the realization that the average (?) tumblr user Truly Does Not Look At The News was when like. people started bitching and moaning that "everyone" was focusing on crimew being a trans catgirl anarchist without actually looking at the importance of her work in leaking the no-fly list.
when earlier that day i had clicked on a top CNN headline reading something like "hacktivist leaks US no-fly list, exposes racial discrimination, islamophobia, bans on two-year-old children"
(i don't remember the exact wording. i know it was About The Important Shit.)
and then i'd logged onto tumblr. and only THEN found out that the hacktivist was a trans catgirl anarchist. CNN's early reporting did not give A Fuck about that At All, because THERE WAS A LOT TO SAY ABOUT THE NO-FLY LIST.
so imagine my surprise scrolling thru tumblr's meme coverage like
me: oh shit the no-fly list leaker who exposed all that heinous shit is a trans catgirl? good for her that's delightful :)
a sizeable portion of tumblr's population, for some fucking reason: nobody would come to my house and click on article links for me so now i'm mad that my memes don't double as exhaustively researched current event bulletins :( HOW DARE THE MAINSTREAM MEDIA SILENCE US >:(
#not to be condescending but like are you guys fucking serious.#'the news is biased and inaccurate' yeah i see you've done a lot of media literacy training for yourselves on tumblr dot gov#and are super informed about everything all the time.#meow. sorry. this is catty and mean. BUT LIKE. I FELT LIKE I WAS GOING OUT OF MY FUCKING MIIIINDDDD#IT WAS IN THE NEWS EVERYONE WAS TALKING ABOUT IT. THAT'S WHAT THE MAINSTREAM PUBLIC FOUND OUT#YOU ARE IN AN EXTREMELY SPECIFIC ECHO CHAMBER PLEASSEEEEEE LOOK AT STUFF OUTSIDE TUMBLR O N C E#OH MY GODDDDDDD#am i crazy??? like am i insane??? please fucking tell me other people also saw that it was in fact covered in the news????#I FEEL LIKE I MADE THAT MEMORY UP WHOLESALE OR SOMETHING ????? BY THE WAY TUMBLR USERS WERE FKCN TALKING??#politics#american politics#i have a migraine. i'll become less of a bitch when i'm done having a migraine probably.
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I refuse to draw the rest of the interior of this bus but here's more of my TMNT Iteration
#my art#artists on tumblr#artist#art#digital#digital art#fanart#drawing#digital drawing#tmnt#tmnt au#tmnt fan iteration#tmnt fanart#tmnt fan art#tmnt original iteration#tmnt angel#tmnt kendra#rottmnt kendra#rise kendra#in my version Kendra met Angel on the bus#And I mean the american yellow school buses not the public bus#Kendra skipped a grade or two and I feel like she probably didn't have many friends because of it#And Angel is a cool girl who's pretty friendly overall [less so as she gets older] who saw someone alone and decided to make a friend#some of my most formative memories were made on school buses by older girls sitting and sharing their ear buds and chatting with me#either way I think that Kendra would have joined the purple dragons and her personality would remain unchanged#she joined younger because Angel joined first. But honestly Kendra is higher in their hierarchy because she'd be harder to replace#Kendra was always going to be a intelligent sly manipulative vindictive person and Angel I think gave her an outlet#A time and place she didn't have to hide her true feelings because she wasn't trying to get anything out of Angel#I feel in the modern day in my comic Kendra doesn't even have to manipulate Angel either. Angel has genuine trust in her that it'll go well#I feel Angel is one of the few people she currently knows in my iteration she would hesitate before throwing under the bus
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one odd thing about going deeper is that I'm no longer satisfied with shallower. and that's, weirdly enough, a net positive. I've self harmed - eh, twice? in the last month. both were well into the criteria that should have got sutures and ignored it; suspect I hit a vein once and was extremely close to muscle, which feels kind of odd. yeah, it's ramped up; yeah, there's a lot of blood and all that kind of stuff. very high risk of infection, potential nerve damage and all that kind of stuff (though I have not got either of them; I scared off an infection that wanted to hang round by chucking quantities of alcohol on it). but at the same time. that's only twice. that's a lot better than previously.
#tw sh#the one from a fortnight ago. which i have told nobody irl about including the person to which i showed the first one. is still thinking#about healing and not really doing it yet. it'll get there. might have to wear a bandage or smth on placement#if we were going into winter i would think there was a serious concern of doing it a bunch more but for now i know i absolutely cannot#because it will be visible.#i mean it already will but im gonna pretend it was from months ago and hopefully deflect questions about just how i got such scars#actually the one that i think approached muscle is surprisingly close to healed and probably going to scar surprisingly little#the other one is simply too fresh still to know how it'll scar#should've taken progress pictures to monitor healing but was too scared others would accidentally see it#didn't want to traumatise folks#honestly was genuinely tempted to take one (1) photo of the more recent one and post on my secret sh tumblr but i talked myself out of that#anyway im fine#personal#puddleglum hours#yesterday dad hugged me and patted my arm and it was LITERALLY directly on top of the fresher one but i was able to Not flinch#fun fact: when you go that deep it is in fact Less painful than a few layers shallower#which i found to my own concern the first time and was freaking out thinking id done something nerve-related#anyway yes i really am fine prommy#fessed up to my doc about self harming anyway#and technically unless muscle is involved it is clinically described as superficial#(fat layer is the one where they will nearly always consider sutures necessary but some shallower will be dependent on how much they gape)#but also because of how much blood there is every time you kinda have to spend longer making sure you're not gonna bleed all over everythin#so that also stops me bc oh it's nearly midnight i cannot devote like two hours or three to making sure i don't wake up in a puddle of bloo#(hyperbole)#anyway in some ways i find this funny. probably should be vaguely concerned. but eh
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teehee i now have a very very wonderful photo
#me leaning and slightly sleeping on the guy i like#🤭🤭#for those who follow my lore closely (so i think only milo) this isn't the cute guy in history whom i have never spoken to#this is the now pretty close friend in my school friendgroup who i had a big crush on for a few months#i became less obsessed with him but that was definitely a good thing i think crushes get unhealthy when they're too strong#and i still think he's cute obviously i mean i liked him for looks alone the first couple weeks#anyway today at this party i was sitting next to him and ended up sleeping next to him three times in succession#i mean kind of sleeping looking back i probably did doze off at points but it was kindaaa fake sleep#first time i edged toward his shoulder but didn't fully have my head resting against it#then i ducked my head up and said i wasn't asleep just resting and we laughed a little#i think he said he wanted to draw on my face avjddhbd#anyway second time my head inched toward his shoulder and was fully on there teehee#then when i ducked my head back up he was like awwe its okay and kinda tucked my head back against his shoulder#i was GEEKING bro 😭😭 i opened my eyes those three times when people questioned my sleepiness bc i could not keep a straight face#i was fighting to contain a grin the whole time#uuughh and he was saying how he didn't want to move and was getting people to pass him things abdjbdhd#he could have kicked me off but he didn't!! that's so cute#i was hoping someone would get a photo and a couple people did and they're so cute#gawwddd idk if now is the right time for anything but i really like him i enjoy his presence immensely#he's so nice he's not absolutely perfect of course but he's such a sweet guy#im thinking of that one tumblr relationship advice post about how the ancients didn't stumble across fully built temples#they found a flat place with good grass and water nearby they found a good place to build and then built#if there's any chance of things happening between us iiii think it's a good place to build#literally my only personal downsides for him are such minor things that could definitely change with age and maturing#it's just a lack of motivation or passion toward things and sometimes a bit of a lack of consideration#but i know im guilty of that too and he really is so nice he never acts maliciously#never at all augh he's so sweet
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i genuinely need to be put down like a dog i cant do this anymore man holy shit
#yall dont know the meaning of terminally online til u meet me#i hate myself so much its not even funny i am the most miserable worthless scum#my sleep schedule is 7am to 3pm all i do all day is rot on the couch and sometimes draw if i have a drop of motivation#depression is completely kicking my ass and im not even fighting back i give up what the fuck man#theres not even a point for me to keep trying i just want to stop feeling such deep despair 24/7 please#i dont want to die i just want the pain to stop so i can peacefullylive out the rest of this year before i turn 18 and its all over for good#but i cant even have that! im just gonna suffer the whole time thanks great#i wish i could just get better and fix all of this but i cant its not working we dont have the money to#actually get me the help i need to make it work. i just have to figure it out or die#i just wanna go back to ***** ** *** i just want to stop being lonely and useless#i dont know why im posting this shit to tumblr. its so stupid i should just be journaling or something#probably because im worthless selfish scum. idfk.#the last 6 months have been a complete blur. just rotting on the couch or in bed occasionally seeing friends once every other month or so#ive already wasted half of being 17 abd im probably gonna waste the rest too. ill do nothing of worth before i die.#even my art is ugly and horrible and not worth leaving behind. people tell me to work to improve it but i dont have the time left#ill never create any of the things i wanted to create ill never be a good artist im just going to die exactly like this#an absolutely terrible person.#the only people i can talk about the things that make me a terrible person with are people who are terrible in even worse ways#no one can comfort me except them because theyre the only people who know what ive done and actually do see it as less than absolute evil#because they know absolute evil because it is them. but i actually don’t believe that i think theyre bad but could be good#idk what im saying anymore#someone shoot me#please im not kidding#just make it stop#tw vent#tw sui#delete later
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man.
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#gonna say I'm venting a bit (kinda of a lot)#but I may seem selfish from this and let me say now ik everyone was putting themselves first (which is a very good thing)#but having three mutuals deactivate their accounts within I think two months or so??#I rlly don't like to be negative and I might also take a break from Tumblr (as much as I love posting here#so I'm still unsure if I'll even stick to that) bc of how negative I've been lately#I just don't want to keep venting and putting that on everyone so#but yeah I just. It makes me sad to see old/new mutuals go#I never thought I'd have to like#witness it#Idk#I've cried over losing them all and it feels rlly silly but I mean idk#I (try to — my feelings with crying are iffy and I hate admitting I do cry) not cry over everything but I just can't word stuff rn#might be posting less/not posting at all for the next few days or so#I'm gonna be busy in July anyways so it's probably better to just say that now#sorry guys I'm just dealing with some stuff mentally lately (an example being gender dysphoria but I can't even word the stuff going on#not to sound like I'm overexaggerating bc I rlly don't wanna seem like I am. It's nothing too serious so don't#be worried at all pls I'm ok enough I won't just disappear)#I just wish I could have alone time in my room with my cats without my family bugging me for a few days#It's tiring atp#I wanna lock myself up just to recooperate and figure out how to deal with certain things the best I can#anyways yap fest over I'm gonna go play wuwa and build Jinshi more#sorry for venting again 🫡🫡
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.
one of my major problems with my job is that I get sososo tired of trying to figure out how to interact with people in a way that is honest, productive, but also doesn't bruise anyone's egos, and I can feel myself getting worse at it as time goes on and it's genuinely what drains me and stresses me out the most by far
#thoughts#personal#I am sooooo wary of being banished back into the Bitch Corner#part of me feels like it's inevitable (and probably some neuroatypical behavior honestly)#that the longer the collaboration goes on and the more I feel defeated in advance at the notion that these people will end up hating me#but trying to pull out before this actually happens will lead to people not understanding why I'm backing away#and also hurt my reputation in a way#tired tired tired#not to go all sjw on tumblr dot com (the audacity!!) but#wonder how less of a problem that would be for me if not woman-adjacent in games#I mean don't get me wrong I would be a Horrible Person if I had received amab socialization I have zero doubts about that#but#yeah like a lot of the time the reason why I get shoved into the Bitch Corner is because I reacted to bullshit I did not start#but the way I react becomes more important than what I was reacting to (I have Very Bad examples of that in mind)#I've been called a living shotgun recently in a way that wasn't entirely derogatory and even a little appreciative?#and the thing is that do sound like me (oh no) and I would appreciate and own that descriptor I think#if the notion of being perceived as harsh and bossy didn't fill me with absolute dread as to how I'll eventually be treated#how people will eventually feel like it's okay to treat me because surely I must have deserved it at least a little#so#idk don't love that being a constant in my career so far!!!!#sorry I'm just being very Panic Attack Trigger Happy since a couple of days#doesn't bode well for the year to come
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i would ideally like to post about something else but we can only reblog the posts we are given. and if it's funny it's funny.
#how to reblog exactly the right blend of posts to come across exactly right#bc its not exactly certain that he actually did the damn thing#you have to take it with a grain of usamerican law enforcement#you cant expect idealogical purity from anyone much less guy who shot someone many times point blank in broad daylight#there is no arguing that even though killing not nice this was all around no question a good thing that was done#there are more places on the political compass than lefty tumblr & alt right#what am i missing here#oh im not into the highly public stalking campaign though some of the information is admittedly funny#and hes not as hot as i expected very much frat boy hot which isnt my thing#not about abs at all so know i mean it when i say dude the fuck did you photoshop them things#we should probably all keep talking about fuck this insurance ceo amongst ourselves and outside ourselves#i have not seen anything appeal to both left and right as much as whatshisface's corpse
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Gonna put myself out here for a hot minute to remind everyone that the runner of a poll or little event on tumblr is not responsible for the replies/posts of everyone else in the fandom, nor do they have the power to stop people from reacting in any which way in the notes of their post without turning off reblogs and shutting down the entire thing full stop. I think we can all agree on that? They are not a discord mod, or the fandom's babysitter. Tumblr is the Wild West and by god none of us are the sheriff.
That's all ok keep on keeping everyone
#I think everyone can understand the wariness that comes with suddenly holding a giant megaphone?#and also the inbox is not your political confessional. for like.. the last time#if you have a point to make reblog or make your own post#Mac mumbles#this is getting sidetracked but#some of this stuff really does just look like ask bait. stop it#don't throw it onto someone else to suddenly have to reply or take the heat for. go off anon at least#you may not be intentionally mean about it but it's not nice. if you have a stupid point to make use your own blog to make it don't leech#off someone else's blog and watch them navigate the replies of an opinion You Made#if you're not sure how to figure out what sets a trap for a Tumblr user: stating an argumentative opinion or ranting about others behaviour#usually causes shit for the one answering the ask#because now their hands are tied and no matter how they respond they are probably gonna get shit#obviously this is less of a personal rant because as we have established today: I am the swing a bat at the hornets nest mutual#but yeah. be nice. don't send political discourse on anon into peoples inboxes if they haven't already brought up the topic.#its kinda a dick move. why not make your own post? oh its because you want Their Platform to boost your opinion? get out#if you wanted to have a conversation about it then dm them or send it off anon so they can reply properly#**privately#if you're worried you might get heat for it then ding ding! that is also a dick move! you know its a heated topic#and yet you hath brought it forth onto another blog so that They may be the one to carry the conversation#ugh sorry for the long rant this is just Such a pet peeve of mine#again I don't care much as a receiver but watching others get stuck in it is like... mrs anon sir. that was not nice#bad fandom etiquette etc etc#this goes double if its a generally positive or neutral blog. be annoyed on your own time
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The destiny reddit is an absolute warzone right now. Do yourself a favor and avoid it like the plague
Oh no. I saw a lot of negative comments overall and while I understand where they're coming from, I think at some point, some people should calm down.
I mentioned some of the issues I had with the campaign and I stand by them, I think some of this stuff definitely felt rushed and that we're sorely lacking basic information to understand the plot. But I can get over that if it's fairly reasonable to believe we'll find out eventually (and it is) and if the rest is solid. And to me, the rest is solid.
I know people have issues with strand taking too much time from the campaign, and I get it. But also to me, strand being such a huge part of the story made the campaign feel more personal and invested for US, the Guardian. To me, that was the point. I do wish the campaign was a bit more expansive, perhaps another mission or two would've been perfect imo. An extra mission could've delved into the history of the Veil and what it means. It's a legitimate complaint that I share, but also some people online have been expressing it... rather explosively.
I'd also add a counter to my own complaint; when it comes to the plot about the Veil and the Witness and the Traveler, it's clear that this isn't the end; it's a setup. Everything that happened here we can learn about retroactively in a month or six months or a year. It may suck because it's content for THIS expansion so we want to know now, but it CAN be explained later.
But strand? Strand can't. We have to learn it NOW. We can't get strand and then have a really cool personal discovery quest about mastering it in a month or six or a year. So if they didn't have time to fit another two missions into the campaign, it's fairly obvious what is being cut.
Is it clumsy? Yeah, definitely. I definitely feel like some crucial information has been deliberately cut away and removed, possibly waiting to be delivered during the year to prepare us for The Final Shape. I'm not a fan of that method, I would prefer a solid chunk of lore about the current story to be delivered in the current story. If anything, then for clarity. Especially because the majority of the players will not be waiting around to read 15 lore tabs during the year to figure out what's the Veil. A major expansion should be self-contained.
But for the love of god, some of what I've seen online is basically some players acting like we have E.T. (1982) on our hands. Like, I agree that there's issues and I've spoken about them and I can do it again at any point, but at the end of the day, I had fun and the good stuff was good. Literally my only true complaint is that it feels like a mission or two are missing. Pretty much every problem I have would've been solved with that. But that's an unknown amount of extra time of work so I cannot make a comment whether they could've done that or not. I will assume they couldn't so they didn't. Generally don't like assuming that they did it maliciously because then we go into dev harrassment territory.
#destiny 2#destiny 2 spoilers#lightfall#lightfall spoilers#ask#i've seen some really bad outrage out there and i just don't get it#it's fine. there's some disappointment but also a lot of really cool stuff#listen. i was on the front line during ME3 ending apocalypse and I equally did not understand it then either#it was a slightly disappointing ending (last 5 minutes more or less) but not worth the massive outrage#and if people genuinely just. do not enjoy ANYTHING about it i personally think that's a sign they no longer like the game#just speaking from my personal experience because i went through that myself#when i found myself scoffing and huffing and getting angry at every new bit of info about changes in forsaken i figured. hey.#i don't like this game right now. bye.#sat out an entire year and came back to check shadowkeep because the game moved to steam#like i genuinely do not mean this in any negative way but some people just do not like destiny anymore and should probably take a break#not talking about anyone specific on tumblr. i know some people are disappointed including some friends#and i understand their complaints. but usually most of them also have something they liked so it's not all horror and doom#and even if they didn't. who cares. if you don't like it hit da bricks#we have limited time on this earth please do something you enjoy
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I forget this is the don't vote, firebomb Walmart site so it no longer surprising to me that Tumblr uwuifies a group that in essence took the firebomb Walmart philosophy and applied it to a whole country.
"It'S nOt AbOuT tHe JeWs It'S aBoUt ZiOnIsM aNd CaPiTaLiSm" woah slow down your roll there Tumblr user doctor's plot
Yeah as per my last post this explains my feelings of foreboding
#yemen#tw current events#being jewish means taking psychic damage every time you log into Tumblr dot com as of late#and i have come to the realization that my tumultuous moods swings are probably somewhat relate#i already don't follow like anyone but its not enough so i think less time on this site will help#i need to get a way to drive to the nearest shul thirty minutes away because i need that
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Man..
#sorry i'm still upset about bridal sharena. like YEAH she's an incredibly powerful incredibly useful unit#pair her up w winter edelgard and the girlies are cleaning up tt maps extremely efficiently#and YEAH. she absolutely has nice art and huge win for the power of friendship. w veronica.#but man. it's like. i can't even enjoy my time w her.#due to. extremely specific things about me that are entirely a me issue and i can acknowledge that and own that.#it would probably feel less bad if like. sharena got literally anything else. in between now and her bunny alt.#like YEAH... she is the other half of the alfonse duo. which is the cutest shit and i love them so much#idk i know it's a non-problem. it feels dumb to make it a problem.#but genuinely like. i don't like using her w the animations on i don't really like checking the home screen dialogue#it's INTERESTING. for lore/characterization purposes. it's funny and charming bc ofc it is!!!#it's sharena and veronica ofc they're gonna be funny and charming!!!!!!! they are SO endearing to me#but god. i really do just. have problems. and it feels soooooo upsetting that like#my very specific problems are preventing me from enjoying WHAT SHOULD BE. something i should really like!!!!!!!#like there are NO problems w her!!!!!!!!!!!! the problem is ME!!!!!!!!!!!!! i'm gonna thrup#why didn't intsys consult me about this. the unemployable shut-in who runs a semi-obscure tumblr blog. in america#unbelievable..#like would i sound insane if i said marriage is like a trigger for me. like completely seriously and unironically.#like. again. it is such a non-issue. and all of it is on me to choose what i engage w that IS how managing your triggers works.#please please pleeeease don't misconstrue anything i'm saying i'm being vulnerable. rn. and petty. super fucking petty.#and obviously i can just. not use her. or use her minimally. but that's really not my point here i'm not looking for solutions#i'm just. expressing how uniquely upsetting this situation is. w how intense my askr sib interest is#w the fact that sharena IS. absolutely one of my fave charas. i adore her completely and she means so much to me#this feels like. a saw trap. made just for me.#idk again there is no solution here and i fully acknowledge this is a skill issue and realistically not even a problem.#but like. can anybody hear me. it's so dark in here.
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sudden itch to write a rare pair fic thats not Percy related
but like
the last time I did that it ended up becoming my top fic and lead to me deciding that you know... actually I hate that ship just out of spite so i'm not sure how good of an idea it is
maybe if i try like femslash or something super super rare with side characters or something
#using tumblr as a diary again#like is it healthy to feel that way?#no it's probably not but knowing that hasn't made the feeling go away in the months sense i posted it lol#like multiple people have asked for more for it but I'm ngl I'm likely never touching that ship again much less the fic itself#like if i even did decide to it would probably just be Percy and Viktor meeting#the whole reason it even became the ship it did was because I couldn't figure out how to write Viktor#But i don't think that's what people mean when they say they want more of it but maybe id be less annoyed if I did add a Percy/Viktor chapt#I feel like this is what those people mean when they talk about posting art you put your all into vs a doodle#because while i spent a hell of a long time procrastinating writing it i was never like actually happy with it#I just kinda wrote and posted it because I was running out of time and wanted to be done with it#which I think is part of why I find it annoying that it has like double the kudo's of everything else but it makes sense that it does#like it's a garbage fic yeah but its the main character and a fan favorite so ofc its going to get more attention#especially in comparison to the niche nonsense I make that I like more#will I ever delete it No I'm fire believer in not deleting things I've made because ive learned in my life i always regret it so#I just have to get better at writing so I can knock it off its horse >:)#or just keep adding extra chapters to Raspberry Muffin until it surpasses it lol#they only have a difference of 64 at the moment so its not impossible#I know im going to see this again in a few years and be so confused on why it bothered me so much i just know it lol
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im so going to puke from all of this stress and anxieties im getting it’s not even funny
#im stressed out about school. im stressed out about my party. im stressed about trying to manage making posts on here.#im so… exhausted.#i might need to take a break.#NOT a long one!! i just need some time to get through the marking period of my school and my party AND THEN I’ll be back to posting on here#it’s been… putting me off from eating and drinking. it doesn’t feel good having all of this stress on me.#i know it’s not from being stressed out from being on tumblr but like… some small parts… it is.#but it’s largely school and my party.#it’s been making me more irritable towards some people irl and really anxious too…#i just need to time to push through those things#and less time centering around being online#because if i don’t get my mental health back together then i won’t be able to make any actual posts for myself or for you guys…#I’ll probably be back around November. Just. Don’t think I left you guys. Okay?#I’ll be reblogging some stuff but I’ll still be on break which means I won’t be around to posting stuff; to answering the inbox;#or to answering messages either. I hope you all understand I’m not avoiding you but that I’m trying to help fix a bump in the road for my#mental health. Thank you if you read these tags. I’ll see you guys in a bit. :)#(me reblogging stuff will be sent through my queue. that will be getting it’s own queue/break tag. you’ll see it when it happens or#when it gets added to the pinned post.)
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