#this probably isn't good for my mental health
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I'm gonna be so serious, y'all are remembering POWDER and Ekko and not JINX and Ekko when screaming about how much you "wanted Timebomb endgame over Caitvi"
shoving JINX in a relationship with her current mental state is not a good writing choice whatsoever, because Ekko literally had to keep rewinding time because she kept trying to kill herself. If Anything, That relationship would be rushed and fanservice because they would have jumped the gun in 2 episodes vs the 2 seasons it took for Caitvi and showing their ups and downs throughout their whole relationship.
The alternate universe works because Powder doesn't become Jinx and the two don't separate, unlike this universe where the two have been at odds for 7 years and almost kill each other back in Ep 7 of S1.
"But Cait never said sorry!" she didn't really have to, because Vi never stopped being in love with the girl that she Knows Cait is at heart, the Cocktail Molotov scene in Act 2 makes that VERY apparent. Cait saying that she was waiting for Vi to recover to address Jinx is the start of it because Act 1 Cait wouldn't have even Considered doing that, because she was so gung-ho about putting a bullet into Jinx that she Demanded Vi move out of the way for her to do so. She holds herself accountable with the mistakes she's made ("We can't erase our mistakes. None of us." that wasn't just a line targeted at Jinx to prove a point, there's deeper meaning behind it), and moving the guards out of the cell proving that she trusts Vi and her judgment on Jinx is that apology, Caitlyn has always been an "acts of service" kinda person over being a "verbal" kinda person; it's all over the place in S1 but Especially here in S2. But even after she takes Vi's shirt off, you could tell by her eyes and body language that she was most likely going to stop herself again to apologize for hitting her because the wound was in the same spot she initially hit, which was part of the lead up for This wound to even happen, but Vi's the one that just pulls her back in instead.
I'm also gonna add on that Vi thinks she made the wrong choice in trusting Jinx and thinking Jinx's changed because Jinx locked her in the cell and ran away again. So why in the Hell would Vi go chasing after her Again to be met with the same result time and time again? Vi isn't responsible for Jinx's mental health and y'all saying that are just weird. And I think it's apparent that Stillwater probably wasn't even in the top 10 things in her head being with Caitlyn, she was just running wild on emotions that she hasn't allowed herself to feel like-- Ever. And even if it Was Vi probably would have said she wasn't comfortable being in a jail cell of all places.
What was I talking about? Oh right, Timebomb.
Like Yes, it's shitty that Ekko doesn't get a happy ending considering he's the most unproblematic in the entire show. But people tend to forget that at the end of the day, Arcane is a TRADGEDY. It's not She-ra, it's not The Owl House, it wasn't going to be wrapped up in a neat little bow where everyone gets to smile and walk into the sunset with their loved ones, especially considering the fact that this season's being used as build ups to other stories, it's relatively clear that this isn't the last we're going to see of a lot of these characters. When they come back into play? well... who's to say?
But also, let's address that a lot of the Caitvi hate is just straight up homophobia at this point because a lot of people can understand Mel's admission to manipulating Jayce as an apology but Cait's actions we're suddenly braindead and need shit completely spelled out. like good lord I'm so tired of this. Y'all would NEVER have survived Catradora let me tell ya...
(My next post is gonna be a long winded rant about Maddie so stay tuned for that...)
#arcane#arcane season 2#caitlyn kiramman#vi arcane#ekko arcane#jink arcane#caitvi#timebomb#league of legends#yall are weird#and hypocritical#to say the least#arcane discussion#im rambling again#but i have a point#making timebomb canon would be fanservice not caitvi#im just saying
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WTF
Someone stole my Amazon package!
I bet it was Marinette!
#lila rossi#miraculous ladybug#no joke#someone really did#blurring the line between my real life and roleplaying#this probably isn't good for my mental health
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Unfollowing accounts that post AI bullshit and too much penetrative porn.
If you get unfollowed, I'm sorry but that's why.
#if you cant vet your shit for ai then fuck you lol#also i know this is Tumblr but seeing some poor girl getting her asshole absolutely blown out at like 9:30 on a Wednesday isn't great#it's probably not super good for my mental health as well#or if you only post boring skinny white girls#fuck offffff
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Heading out for a late night drive to clear my head,, blast some music, sing/scream/shout my heart out to the lyrics and just enjoy the cool air on my face…Have a good Friday night all ✌️🏼🤓
#swear one night I'll go out and not come back#just go#no explanation or reason#just go somewhere new#and start over#apart from my mum and like 2/3 people no one will notice my absence#I'm okay#this isn't a cry for help lol#so please don't think it is#just learning to accept I'm a no one in this world#and I'm slowly becoming okay with that#maybe that's not a good thing but I'm tired of trying to be a somebody to people#I grew up thinking I'd be somebody#id have the friendships made from childhood#a big social group and be someone to people#life hasn't panned out that way#I'm learning to accept my reality and be okay being by myself#the music and drive await#probably delete this later#personal#mental health#ramble
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the process of getting therapy that my insurance pays for is stupid enough that i want to kill every single fucking person involved in designing this process
(suicide mention tw for the tags i didn't get to put that as the first tag so now it's here)
#how the FUCK am i supposed to get an urgency code when it seems like if you admit your mental health is bad enough to warrant an urgency#code#that will just get you institutionalised#them: it seems like your mental health is so bad that i am not sure if ambulant therapy is enough for you#also them: but you don't seem like you're gonna kill yourself within the next two weeks so good luck finding a therapist#who is directly paid by the insurance and has any kind of space on their waiting list :)#like we have a list of like 20 therapists my mom contacted and not a single one even had space on a waiting list#that was shorter than a year#im kinda considering to tell the next idiot therapist i see abt this that i feel like killing myself abt all this shit#that isn't entirely true. and also i probably wont due to the fact that i dont wanna be instututionalised#but goth i am considering it#spike spoke
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#hhhhh I'll probably delete this later but if i don't physically put these thoughts somewhere I'll maybe explode.#but fuck man. shit sucks fr! I highkey think I can't go to work tomorrow but yknow how it goes!!!!#I'm caught somewhere between finally being taken seriously about my health issues#and having the most wretched mental health crisis#like on one hand fantastic! I'm being taken seriously now its gotten to the point where I cant fucking walk normally#but on the other hand oh my god holy shit. i had to get this bad???? and I'm worried. i know theres shit so much bigger than me rn going on#but I'm worried about my health. especially when I've been trying to deal with it for the better part of like.... 5 years#since i was 19!!!!#I'm 24 and worrying about whether or not I'll actually walk about with 0 pain ever again isn't that fucked.#so that's bittersweet. ive got physio tomorrow. blood tests next week#an ultrasound coming up#its ultimately a good thing im being taken seriously. if not a terrifying acceptance that everything ive been feeling has been real and#well. bad.#and like with this right is the crash of my mental health. just a fuckin nosedive man.#i have a relatively stressful job i felt out of my depth about and thus guilty for but now its a role that I've approached in constant pain#for the last few months.#i can't deal with that actually! lots of stress! lots of pain! lots of mental pain over my physical condition! my job grinding my soul!#aaaaa!!!!!!!#like i dont WANT to be unemployed either#I'd much rather be uhhhh employed! and able to save money towards actually getting Help™#but I've got to admit that i hurt too much. and its consuming my whole fucking brain.#but I'll go on#ive got my first trip out the country solo next week!! im heading to san Fransisco!!! im excited.#but I'm worried for the inevitable moment where my pains catch up with me#ill surpress it while I'm out there. try and remind myself to have a good time. return to the uk and feel a weeks worth of pain#and even THAT sucks to consider#but i should stop#rambles
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wondering if being constantly misunderstood/misinterpreted for most of my life is the driving factor behind me trying so hard to make people understand that the stuff I feel bad about/responsible for ACTUALLY WAS THAT BAD/WAS MY DAMN FAULT even if everyone says it wasn't...
#all of that probably isn't good for my mental health either#also feeds back into: if i'm so unsure about my own perception and personality and everyone else knows me better than i know me#is it even worth staying alive?????#does my life have meaning at all? or would it be better to free everyone from the burden of my flawed existence
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in 2024 I wanna stop hearing about betterhelp
#elise's posts#SO many youtubers etc I like are promoting this shit#fyi for those who don't know it's a REALLY unethical business trying to take advantage of the mentally ill#and before you say 'but how else am I meant to find a therapist that does online sessions'#post-pandemic most therapists offer this#and if you want the whole 'I can text my therapist for therapy anytime 24/7' thing...#sorry I know it might sound useful but it's SUPER bad for both your own mental health and your therapist's#sorry but therapists are not meant to be there for you 24/7#that's not their job and it's really unhelpful for YOU to become dependant on a 24/7 therapist#betterhelp do not vet their therapists thoroughly#and some people say they have been evangelised to on betterhelp by preachers who ask the algorithm to assign them queer and atheist clients#many reputable therapists state that it's a terrible business model promoting unhealthy practices to patients#it claims to be the cheapest option but it's more expensive than the most expensive therapist I've ever had (I'm in the UK)#and significantly more expensive than the cheapest who was still good and probably more qualified than some people on betterhelp#you pay extra for the middleman#(being allocated a therapist you didn't choose and vet yourself isn't great anyway imo surely you want agency in this huge decision?)#and I'm sorry but pride counselling is a branch of the same company#please just look for therapists that specialise in your needs through a regulatory model and get in touch with them directly#not all of them have waitlists and tbh if every therapist on betterhelp is available whenever what does that say about them
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venting so much i ran out of tags lmao
#i think im hallucinating ?????#i have my headphones on (listening to boyfeel on repeat n choppin up some paper)#and keep feeling / seeing shadows in my peripheral vision#im probably just dehydrated and having bad floaters but i dont like it :)#today has also been bad dramatically awful#life isn't serious there's no reason to feel this heavy#oop very emo thoughts incoming#life can't be meaningful or ill miss my parents too much but can't be meaningless or im living without them for nothing#im just. struggling very hard this year. idk#i had so much health bullshit going on for months that i put off going to a psych n now im so busy that it feels bad taking time off for it#and im also scared of getting on meds bc the idea of being dependent on something that i might not have access to is.. auuughhh#idk dude my adhd has been debilitating lately and i feel so stuck and sometimes i think i have ocd bc my compulsions are so fucking bad and#all my mental bullshit with my breathing has slowly been driving me wild and peaks my anxiety#and sometimes i worry abt being bipolar bc my mom's mom is and my mom's best friend told me she thought my mom might have been#bc the way my moods are so low or so high is exhausting it feels like i haven't had a “normal” day in so long#but also atp when im happy i feel manic bc idk how to healthily experience happiness anymore#idfk y'all !!!! im also very nonverbal these days#ugh and still going back n forth on telling my therapist ive been suicidal again bc i dont want him to have to report me or anything idk#a few months ago i made a joke about offing myself and he got rly serious n said he'd have to take action if im serious so im leaning no#like. i wouldnt actually kill myself. i just don't want to exist sometimes in this life#its just been very very very very very very very very very very very very very very hard lately without my parents or grandma#and even after all these years it's still heartwrenching to think about continuing to live this life without them#like. i just want to make them laugh. i just want to feel their arms around me in a warm hug. i just want to dance to their favorite songs.#i don't want to think of them and see their dead bodies anymore. i want to remember them healthy and smiling.#i would take care of them again in every lifetime but fuck dude. i just want to remember their good days instead of the end. can i please#please fucking invision them at their best. i want to remember the dad that played baseball and video games and whose laugh filled the room#i want to remember my grandma who was so sassy but kind. whose button nose crinkled when she smiled. who taught me to happily be dramatic#i don't want to remember them being frail. i want to forget the frustration i saw in their eyes. i want to forget seeing them struggle#(insert sadness about not remembering my mom at all)#just. fuck dude. my life is simple and i am safe so i shouldn't complain. but things feel so fucking hard sometimes. i feel so heartbroken
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was constantly angry. unfollowed a couple of people. no longer constantly angry. unfollowing is truly the best medicine.
#internet activism isn't very useful and I'm probably going to go delete some posts#a guilt tripping post just made me enraged and I unfollowed the people reblogging it. mental health through ceiling.#speaking of: if anyone is specifically guilt tripping a group of people just by dint of being part of that group#you should ignore them. they have nothing good to say.#this goes for being a man being a woman being straight being bi being ace#being white being latino being black being part of a country being part of an ethnicity being part of a religion#liking kiwi on pizza for all i care.#there's a difference between 'this group generally doesn't experience xyz'#and 'you BETTER repent for what you've done to us cishets or you're a bad person and you support transphobia'#(I have never seen a trans or gay person make their donation posts like this. idk if it exists)#(but it shows my frustration with this style of posting)#anyway. can we practice understanding that not everyone from one group is 'like that'#and should not share blame by things they cannot control.
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How old was mike when he died? What happens to evan in this au? (Death swap au)
Is henry death too? I was searching through the tags but you know how much tblr loves to hide posts
Michael was 16 when he died in 1986
Evan still got his head chomped on. He then spent most of his childhood in and out of hospital and intensive care. The bite and long hours alone only worsened all of his inherited mental illnesses Which William exploited. In the present day at 20 William and Evan work together on the whole we're gonna find immortality through killing children thing.
Evan always feels incredibly bad after they do a murder but rationalizes it as progressing science and generally making things better for people.
Nope Henry is alive and well! He still had his depression after Sammy died but Charlie was able to pull him out of it easier and stayed with him once her mother left. In the present day he's doing fine and doesn't know what his business partner is up to at all
#Sorry if I mess anything up my dyslexia brain isn't good with numbers#Evan probably would've turned out fine if he had gotten proper mental health help but he didn't#fnaf death swap#I really needed this today...
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!!!! Only 40€ missing then I can maybe afford the 50 year old instrument that hopefully is still in a well playable condition that I previously didn't have enough money to afford!!!!!!
#I'M GETTING THERE FRIENDS I AM GETTING THERE!!!!#34 hours of school a week and thats not counting homework and studying so.#trying to learn an instrument probably isn't the best idea but I think I need something to get me a little out of the#uhhhmm... how to say...... the mindset that I as a student don't deserve to have hobbies other than my eveningly three hours of videogames#and it's supposedly good for your mental health and while I don't really need that I think it could do some good for me so!!!!#fingers crossed!!!!!!
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#i feel as though I should start a tag like deep thoughts with the bloz or some shit for my new kick of live journaling about my angst#but anyway hot tip for all the people pleasers out there#surround yourself with mostly supportive people who dont take advantage of others unfairly and who are thoughtful about other people#100% of the time it works every time to make your life so much more enjoyable and easier#and it isn't mean to expect at least the bare minimum of social competence and normal behaviour from others before you agree to socialize#and associate with them (which is sort of what i was guilted into believing growing up)#because guess what that's how you avoid harmful creeps!#your feelings and boundaries exist for a reason and it does suck that sometimes people are just really bad at social skills#but it's not your responsibility to be their therapist or the one exception who will be there for them or whatever else either if they're#truly making you feel weird or unsafe#you as a people pleaser are probably HYPER concerned with being pleasant and polite and accommodating and all these other things that#you worked very hard to become and you will burn yourself out and/or get hurt and/or resentful if you feel exhausted or used#or unappreciated for it and half the time you are actually doing it more for yourself than for others anyways#because it makes you feel valued and like a good person#this is also all related to having issues with codependency too btw which i do because my whole family does#def recommend reading up on both things if you relate it will improve your mental health very much#love you wishing you the best things in 2023 we all got this we are going to do great 😘🧡 muah#p
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15 questions for 15 people
Tagged by @ya-nahz
Are you named after anyone?
Just the last names.
When was the last time you cried?
Out-and-out bawling... it's been awhile. I get teary fairly frequently, though.
Do you have kids?
Only metaphorically.
Do you use sarcasm a lot?
Noooo... whatever would make anyone think that?
😁
What’s the first thing you notice about people?
Height.
What’s your eye color?
That's actually been a matter of some debate recently. 🤔
Scary movies or happy endings?
Well, I'm not a 'scary movie' person, so happy endings?
Any special talents?
Uh... I'm pretty handy with puzzles, I have an excellent reading voice... I absorb and process information well?
Where were you born?
About 3 miles from where I'm sitting.
What are your hobbies?
Nothing in particular. I read. I internet. Every once in a great long while I write something.
Do you have any pets?
Nope.
What sports do you play/have you played?
It's been awhile - the last few years haven't really been conducive, you know? Formerly: basketball, soccer, golf, tennis, and baseball.
How tall are you?
6'2".
Favorite subject in school?
History! I guess that should have been foreshadowing. 🤔
Dream job?
Already did it.
Tagging: @sunfl0werswitch, @thegirlwiththetwinklyeyes, @rae-being-naughty, @shy-gfd, @christiandomme, @youknowitsworthfightingfor, @skinreflectsthesun, @the-affectionate-boy, @thatsuccubabe, @reddevilgoddess,@k-thursday, @a-prevented-domme-light
#(some of these questions seemed a little data-mining-y)#(so I elided them)#(just to say)#yeah already had my dream job#I'm back to teaching again#and it's nice#but it's not the same#and it never will be#and I have to learn to live with that#foreshadowing I blindly ignored and tried majoring in computer science 😂#tall and thick#too big to be tossed around 😔#those sports are in order of most recently played#and probably talent too 😂#though in that category golf could arguably flip with soccer#haven't had any pets on my own#my schedule was never appropriate#and now... well now I fear my mental health isn't good enough#my preferred media ending is actually 'ambiguous'#it's some kind of blue#uh... I don't think I have any other relevant tags?#thank you Moody 😊#(that's not 15 people)#(but I literally just went up the mutuals list)#(checking for people I've actually talked to who *might* be interested 😂)
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receiptify challenge:
Tagged by the lovely @minho-knows (hi! how have you been? ilysm)
Also perks of me actually being online when I saw you tagged me, because I actually got it done instead of being like "i'll do it after work -doesn't do it after work-" again.
Tagging: @redrcbin @katherine-mcnamara @reveriiewrites and @ anyone who wants to do it just feel free to tag me as the person who tagged you because I never know who to tag in these things. Obviously no pressure to actually do it though ofc <3
#tag games#tag game#receiptify#i'm surprised the entire thing isn't maisie peters I've been listening to her excessively on loop#we can tell where my mental health is though yikes#i stand by end of youth is probably gonna be my most played track of the year but maisie's probably gonna be my number one artist#like i'm trying to listen to 1989 tv rn because it's like one of my favorite taylor albums and all I can think about is#the good witch deluxe - like the maisie peters brainrot is real ok
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Mental health issues are SOOO funny.
Me: Well, I'm not actively trying to kill myself and I'm not in the hospital so it's probably all just in my head and I'm just making it up for attention. I think if I was faced with a real crisis this wouldn't matter.
Anyone I'm speaking to (Concerned): Can you get some medication? Can you quit your job ASAP?
#goat talk#personal#I go 'well if I was faced with a *REAL* crisis I would feel worse so this can't be one'#and 'well I'm forcing myself to do all the things I'm supposed to. I'm exercising and socializing so it can't be that bad'#Like I *do* work on my hobbies#I just don't get into a flow very well#and I sleep 10+ hours a day and my shit is weird and I'm always about to cry#so I must be fine right?#it's probably a good time to consider something like that#I had my panic attacks under control starting in 2020 when covid hit#but now that Covid 'isn't an issue' they're back. full force. 4+ times a week with tears each night.#It's incredibly lucky I can still brute force willpower myself into situations that *help*#I imagine if I wasn't working every mental health tip under the sun from 'find religion' to 'get enough sunlight' to 'dye your hair'#I would be worse off
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