#this post wasn't supposed to be so long

[feelingpure]

Fellow Travelers Rewatch Party | You're Wonderful

Favourite moment(s) or scene(s) of the episode

It's still the whole chicken noodle soup scenario, from Hawk's entrance up until the radio gets brought up. I like how it sets up their starting dynamic. And to link with that, the whole dynamic filp when “I wanna go to the party” happens. Tim's hones his seductress powers, and we get to see Hawk be the flustered one caught off guard for once.

I also really like the opening scenes 🥹 and the election night meeting and the 1st time at the Cozy Corner and and and–

Favourite quote/dialogue

There's so many too choose from 😭 I'm gonna list a few;

For funsies:

“I'm your boy, right?” - I mean, it's the blog title for a reason - the moment the tables turn. (I made an edit of this moment as a bit of episode appreciation, as suggested in the master series rewatch post 🫶)

“I'll spend the afternoon picturing you kneeling in prayer.”

For feelsies:

“When I committed this sin, I felt pure. More pure than I felt in my entire life. So how can I be sorry for it?”

“I want to hold you tonight. If you'll let me.” - it's just so 🥺

Something new you noticed after the rewatch

Joe Alsop is talking about turtle soup that smells like feet (but taste great) at his party. 👀 And Tim's just stood there, then the camera goes back and settles on Hawk in the background talking to Lucy and someone else. Tim's smile fades at first for a lil bit, but then he has this like sneaky smile when it goes back to him. Given what happened in the previous scene, it's very... 😈

And just some more of this bit, Tim then goes to grab a drink for Mary and as he's walking away we see Hawk tracking him with his eyes (and of course he then follows him). I knew the major beats at this party, but there were certain little things that I definitely did not pick up on before. 😆 (Probably too brrrrrrrr from the previous scene)

The MVP of the episode

I think I'm gonna have to go with 80s Tim, even though we only catch a glimpse of him. It's the decision he makes, to allow Hawk back in, that makes the rest of the 80s timeline possible. 🥲

You general thoughts on the episode

It just perfectly sets everything up for the rest of the series. There's so many bits of dialogue that calls back to things later on, or is just more interesting with them in mind. Also all the anticipation at the end, even when you already know the while story, some bits still had me holding my breath like an idiot hahah.

My main feelings coming out of episode 1 is just always wanting to protect 50s Tim at all costs. Though after seeing the whole show and softening on Hawk, I also wanna protect him; from himself. But yeah - screaming crying etc.

Thoughts on soundtrack of the episode

I'll spare you the essay about when each part the score comes up in the episode and how it makes me feel (😭), but it's just brilliant. Hawk's main theme at the election party, and Pull Them Off at Tim's apartment being notable.

The Waiting for Tim theme especially is just. 😚🤌 He's waiting for his call back at that cafe/diner in the 80s, while he was also waiting outside his apartment in the 50s, and it's just full of anticipation. 🥺

While you're here, go listen to the composer talk about this particular piece.

[lovetommyactually]

Bucktommy Ι WC: 3k Ι cw: Blood, Gunshot, Major injury

[read below or on ao3]

Buck’s world came back in flashes.

Pain—sharp and burning, radiating through his arm. Muffled voices. The distinct smell of metal and blood. A whisper—no, a voice he knew. A voice he loved.

“Come on, Buck. Come on, wake up.”

Dammit Tommy, it’s Evan, he thought.

The words were low and urgent, threading through the pain, pulling him toward consciousness.

“Hey, Hey, just open your eyes for me. You’re fine. You’re good—just wake up, okay?”

A hand pressed against his arm, steady and firm, keeping him anchored. The pain sharpened, burning through the fog in his mind.

Buck groaned, blinking against the blinding overhead lights. His throat felt raw, his limbs heavy. He heard a sharp exhale of relief.

“—What happened?” Buck barely managed to ask, his throat dry, words slurring.

Tommy’s face hovered above him, eyes sharper than usual, scanning him like he was an emergency call. His hands were pressing something—his own flannel, bundled tightly—against Buck’s arm. Blood soaked through.

“Just stay here,” Tommy whispered. His voice was steady, but there was an edge to it—controlled tension. “You’ll be okay, just don’t move now. I called 911. Help is on the way.”

Buck tried to shift, but Tommy’s grip on his injured arm tightened, keeping him still.

“Don’t move,” Tommy murmured, his voice quieter now but firm. “You got shot, but it’s not bleeding too bad. No exit wound, so the bullet’s still in there.” His gaze flicked over Buck’s arm, assessing quickly. “I don’t think it hit anything major, but I can’t be sure. Probably just the muscle.” He adjusted the pressure, tightening the fabric over the wound. “You’re stable, but you need to stay still, okay?”

Buck swallowed hard, trying to process the words through the throbbing in his skull. Shot. Bullet still inside. Probably just the muscle. That meant it wasn’t that bad, right?

His eyes flickered past Tommy, and that’s when he saw the gun in the distance—the shooter, pacing erratically near the overturned tables and shattered glass.

Buck’s breath caught, but then his gaze dragged back to Tommy, to the tension in his jaw, the way his shoulders were squared, body coiled tight like he was ready to move at any second.

His throat felt raw, but he forced the words out. “Are you okay?”

Tommy didn’t look at him. His focus remained locked on the shooter, assessing, calculating.

“I’m fine,” he murmured, voice even. Too even. His grip on Buck’s arm didn’t loosen, though—steady, grounding, a silent reassurance.

The man was yelling. “Where is she? Where the fuck is she?!” His voice cracked with unhinged desperation.

Tommy inhaled slowly and got up.

This wasn’t how today was supposed to go. They were supposed to meet up, talk—just talk. Buck had been anxious, uncertain, but then Tommy walked in—steady, put together, looking good, he always did. And when Tommy smiled— small, warm, genuine—hope flickered to life in Buck’s chest. Maybe this wouldn’t be as hard as he thought. But now, none of that mattered.

Buck blinked. “Tommy—” His fingers barely caught at Tommy’s wrist, but Tommy had already straightened up, stepping forward with careful, measured steps.

“What’s her name?” Tommy asked, voice low but steady.

The shooter’s head snapped toward him. “You—You know her? You her new boyfriend?”

Tommy didn’t flinch. “No, I don’t know her,” he said simply. “But I know you don’t want to do this.”

The man’s breathing was ragged, his grip on the gun unsteady. “She won’t even talk to me! After everything I— I just want to see her. I just want her to listen.”

Tommy nodded, keeping his hands visible, his body loose. “I hear you, man. Feels like she shut you out, right?”

The shooter’s lip curled. “She’s been ignoring me for months! Like I don’t even exist! And then I come here, and—and she’s not even—” His voice cracked, his eyes darting around wildly.

Tommy took a slow step forward. “That’s gotta be frustrating. You came here to talk, and now all this happened instead.”

The man’s jaw twitched. “Yeah. Yeah, this—this ain’t what I wanted. But I just—” He exhaled sharply, voice shaking. “I just want to know why. Why she left. Why she won’t answer me.”

Tommy’s hands were still up, his body still calm, every movement carefully controlled.

“I get it,” Tommy said. “I really do. It’s hard when someone walks away and you don’t get answers.” His tone softened, but not too much. He had to keep the shooter engaged, not coddle him. “But, listen—hurting people in here? That’s not gonna get you those answers, man.”

The shooter’s jaw clenched, his hand twitching around the grip. “It’s not fair,” he muttered. “It’s not fair.”

Tommy didn’t break eye contact. He took another slow step forward, careful, controlled. “I hear you. You didn’t come here to hurt anyone, right?”

The shooter hesitated, breath still ragged. “No, I— I just—” His fingers flexed around the trigger, shoulders tensing. “She won’t even listen to me. After everything I did for her—”

“I believe you,” Tommy said smoothly, voice steady. “I believe you just wanted her to hear you. And you deserve that. But this?” He nodded slightly toward the shattered glass, the overturned tables. “This isn’t gonna bring her back, man. You know that.”

For a moment, the shooter wavered. His grip on the gun loosened—just barely.

Buck barely heard the rest. His arm throbbed, blood seeping through the makeshift bandage Tommy had left behind. The coppery taste in his mouth made his stomach churn, but then—

A whimper.

Buck turned his head slightly, vision still hazy. A kid—barely five, maybe six—curled up behind an overturned chair, shaking, tears streaking his cheeks. His small hands clutched his knees, and he was whispering, repeating the same words over and over.

“Mommy, I want Mommy.”

Buck swallowed, forcing himself to focus.

“You’ll see her soon,” The kid’s eyes darted to him—red rimmed, terrified. “I know it’s scary, buddy, but we’re gonna be okay. See that guy?” Buck nodded toward Tommy, who was still keeping the shooter talking. “He’s strong. He’s gonna get us out.”

The kid’s lip wobbled. His small body trembled. “You’re… you’re dying.”

Buck forced a small, pained smile. “Nah. Just got a scratch.”

Tommy’s voice was still steady, but something about the way he was holding himself didn’t sit right.

His movements weren’t as sharp as before. His breathing—was it slower?

Buck frowned, barely able to focus through the haze in his head. His own arm pulsed with pain, but somewhere beneath the chaos, something felt wrong.

The kid didn’t believe him. His little hands clenched into fists. “I don’t wanna die. I want Mommy!” He hiccupped, panic rising, his breaths coming too fast now, too sharp. His small frame shook violently.

No.

Buck saw it an instant before it happened.

The kid snapped, bolting forward, little feet slapping against the floor, toward the chaos.

Straight toward the danger.

Buck’s stomach sank.

“Wait—!”

The shooter snapped toward the movement, instincts kicking in. His expression twisted, something between panic and rage flashing in his eyes.

“HEY!” His grip tightened on the gun—

Buck barely had time to react, his injured arm slowing him down as he lunged forward to grab the kid. The shooter lifted the gun. Buck saw his finger twitch on the trigger.

A flicker of movement.

A blur of motion.

Gunfire.

A choked sound.

Buck flinched, expecting pain—expecting the worst

But it wasn’t him.

Buck barely registered the body colliding with the shooter, the gun clattering to the floor, Tommy’s grunt of pain as he twisted, bringing the man down hard against the shattered glass.

Then—sirens.

The piercing wail cut through the air, growing louder, flashing red and blue outside. Someone shouted, but Buck didn’t hear the words.

Tommy wasn’t moving.

Buck struggled to sit up, adrenaline forcing him through the pain. “Tommy?” His own voice sounded distant, the rush in his ears deafening.

Tommy was on his side, breathing shallowly, fingers still twisted in the shooter’s jacket, keeping him pinned even as his strength faded.

His other hand—Buck’s stomach dropped.

Blood.

Pooling beneath his fingers. Dark. Spreading.

Buck sucked in a sharp breath, his vision narrowing. No. No, no, no—

He scrambled closer, ignoring the fire in his own arm, pressing his good hand against Tommy’s.

It wasn’t just pooling—it was creeping outward, slow at first, then faster, seeping into the cracks of the floor, staining everything it touched. The warmth of it spread beneath Buck’s palm, slick and wrong. He pressed harder, but it kept coming. Too much. Too fast. The coppery scent thickened in the air, curling in his throat, making it harder to breathe.

“Tommy,” Buck rasped. “Hey, Hey.”

Tommy’s fingers twitched weakly against the shooter’s jacket, his breath uneven. His eyes barely opened, unfocused.

Then, voice barely above a whisper— “The guy?”

Buck swallowed hard, blinking through the sting in his eyes. “Yeah, out. He’s out. I think he hit his head.”

“…Good.” Then his fingers slipped from the fabric of the shooter’s jacket. His body sagged, the last of his strength givingout.

“Shit—Tommy.”

Buck shifted quickly, his free hand moving from the wound to ease Tommy onto his back, trying to keep him steady as his body went slack.

Tommy grimaced, a sharp, pained inhale slipping through his teeth.

“I got you,” Buck murmured, his hand pressing down firmly on the wound, trying to slow the bleeding. “Just stay with me, okay?”

Tommy gave a slow, unsteady nod.

Then his eyes fluttered open, and for the first time, Buck saw it—the pain breaking through the steel.

“…Fuck,” Tommy muttered, voice weak, a bitter, almost amused breath leaving him. “Didn’t—didn’t even feel that one.”

Buck barely breathed. His hand pressed harder against Tommy’s side, warm blood slick against his fingers. Too much blood.

Tommy exhaled sharply, shifting just slightly—and then he winced. His brow furrowed, like he was noticing something for the first time.

He blinked down at himself. "...Huh." His voice was almost puzzled, like the thought barely registered.

Buck followed his gaze and froze.

A second patch of blood—darker, smeared along Tommy’s jeans. His thigh.

Not from the gunshot just now. From before.

Buck’s stomach dropped. “Are you—” His voice broke, panic surging through him. “You were already shot?”

Tommy let out a breathy chuckle, dazed. “Guess so.” His fingers weakly gripped Buck’s wrist, half-hearted reassurance. “Didn’t notice.”

Didn’t notice.

Buck wanted to cry. "Okay, okay, you're okay—just breathe."

Tommy’s lips twitched—or maybe they were just trembling now. “Didn’t I t-tell you not t’ move?”

Buck let out a strangled laugh, something close to a sob. “Jesus Christ, Tommy.”

A noise outside. Help was here. But so was the blood pooling beneath Tommy.

Buck leaned closer, grip tightening, his pulse hammering in his ears. “You stay awake, okay? Help is here. Just—just please stay with me.”

Tommy’s fingers curled weakly into Buck’s sleeve, his grip barely there, but there.

“Bu—Evan…” His voice was thin, broken by a sharp inhale. His body shuddered.

Buck’s breath caught in his throat. “I’m here,” he whispered. “I’m right here.”

Tommy’s hold tightened for just a second.

“Evan, I—” His voice cracked, a faint wheeze threading through his words. “I wanted… I wanted to apologize—”

A cough tore through him, wet and weak. His breath hitched, and Buck felt the tremor beneath his hands.

“Tommy, stop,” Buck pleaded, panic thick in his throat. “You’re gonna be fine, just save it, okay? You can tell me later.”

But Tommy shook his head—just barely.

“Had to say it,” he murmured, voice slipping. His eyelids fluttered, struggling to stay open. “Was h’rd the…’thout you…”

Buck swallowed hard, eyes burning. “I know,” he whispered.

Tommy’s lips barely moved, but Buck caught it.

“…Loved…” It was barely more than a breath—a whisper, slipping between them.

The word faded on his tongue, unfinished. His grip on Buck’s sleeve slackened.

“Tommy?” His voice cracked, sheer terror ripping through him. “Tommy, hey, no, stay with me—”

“Tommy!” Buck’s voice rose.

But Tommy wasn't answering.

Buck pressed harder against the wound, his palm slick with blood, his hands shaking.

“Tommy,” Buck rasped, shaking him slightly. "Come on, open your eyes baby, just—just look at me."

Nothing.

No response.

The flashing lights flooded the room, red and blue bouncing off shattered glass. Boots pounded against the floor, heavy and fast. Someone was shouting orders.

A hand gripped Buck’s shoulder, trying to pull him back. but Buck fought them, twisting, shoving—he couldn't let go.

"No—wait, wait—he's not—Tommy!"

But the world was spinning, voices blurring together, hands forcing him away.

But all Buck could see was Tommy, unmoving, eyes slipping closed, blood staining his shirt, and the word echoing in his mind over and over.

Loved.

Loved you.

Loved me?

Loved.

-

The world swam back into focus slowly, thick and disoriented—white lights, the steady beeping of a monitor, the distant murmur of voices. Buck sucked in a sharp breath, his chest tight, lungs struggling to expand properly.

A hand pressed gently against his shoulder. “Easy, easy, Buck. You’re fine.”

Buck’s head turned sluggishly. “…Chim?”

“Yeah, you got me,” Chim said. “Maddie was just here—she’s coming back in a minute.”

Buck barely processed it. His body felt heavy, numb, like he was floating—but then—

Tommy.

Buck’s pulse spiked. "Tommy—? TOMMY!"

“Breathe, Buck—”

“No, Chimney, Tommy, he was—he was—”

“Buck.”

A new voice.

Buck whipped his head toward it, eyes still bleary but instantly locking onto Maddie as she entered the room.

“He’s fine, Buck.”

His heart stuttered in his chest. "Fine?"

Chim nodded, his tone light. “He’s alive, Buck. Just got out of surgery about an hour ago. Woke up for a minute, but then drifted back off. Surprisingly, you’ve been out longer than he has.” He gave Buck a teasing grin, trying to lift the mood.

Buck sucked in a breath, his throat tight, burning. “I need to see him.”

Maddie exhaled, already knowing there was no point arguing. “Buck, you just had sur—”

“Yeah, yeah,” Chim cut in, sighing as he got up. “He won’t listen. Let’s take him to his room.”

"You need to be checked first,” Maddie insisted.

The minutes the nurse checked him, and the surgeon explaining his injury, felt like a lifetime.

-

Tommy was awake.

He lay still in the bed, his face pale, but he was breathing, his chest rising and falling slowly. When he turned his head and saw Buck, a faint smile tugged at his lips, weak but sincere.

“Hey, Buck.”

Buck sucked in a sharp breath, something tight, angry, relieved twisting in his chest.

“Tommy, if you try to leave me again in any way, I’m gonna kill you myself.”

Tommy huffed out the smallest, breathy laugh. “Violence? Really? I just woke up.”

Buck’s throat burned,, a mix of worry and relief. His hands curling into fists. “And it’s Evan!”

Tommy blinked at that, lips twitching like he wanted to say something smart, but all he did was nod, slow.

Before either of them could say more, the door swung open.

“Oh, you’re up.”

“Sargent grant.” “Athena.”

Tommy’s gaze sharpened immediately. “The guy?”

“He’s in custody.”

Tommy exhaled, half-relief, half-exhaustion.

“He was on drugs,” Athena continued, arms crossing over her chest. “Apparently, his ex-wife used to come here a lot. He must’ve been high, looking for her.”

“Anyone else?” Tommy asked.

Athena shook her head. “Just you two.” She paused. “Because you were sitting closest to the door.”

Tommy shifted slightly, trying to sit up, but winced, the movement clearly uncomfortable. “Huh.”

Buck studied him. “Huh?”

Tommy looked at him with half-lidded eyes, his voice slow and groggy. “Nothing,” he muttered. “Just thinking.”

Athena watched them both carefully, then sighed. “I’ll be back later for your statements, and I’ll let the nurses know you’re awake. And—” she shot Buck a pointed look “—that you snuck in here before you were cleared.”

Buck didn’t even react, his focus locked on Tommy.

A nurse came in to check Tommy’s vitals, adjusting the IV and making sure everything was steady. After a moment, she helped him sit up, propping him against the pillows. Then, she stepped back, nodding to the surgeon who entered next.

Then the surgeon explained Tommy’s surgery— The first shot, the one in his thigh, hadn’t gone deep—just a graze, but deep enough to bleed. The kind of wound that looked worse than it was. The kind of wound Tommy had barely even noticed at the time.

The second bullet had hit his spleen, causing major blood loss. The surgeons had been able to repair the damage, but in the end, they had to remove it.

He’d be okay. It would take time, but he’d be okay.

And then they were alone.

Tommy let out a breath, then huffed out something resembling a laugh. “No appendix, and now no spleen. What’s next?”

“Not funny.”

Tommy blinked at him, then shrugged one shoulder weakly. “A little funny.”

Buck didn’t even bother responding. This wasn’t funny. None of this was. And then the words slipped out before Buck could stop them— “You said loved.”

Tommy blinked. “Did I?”

Buck didn’t waver. “You loved me.”

Tommy opened his mouth—then closed it.

Then, slowly, he sank deeper into the bed, exhaling softly. His gaze flickered away for just a second—like admitting it would make it impossible to take back.

Then, barely above a whisper—raw, honest, a little tired— “I did… still do.”

Buck let out a slow, shaky breath. The weight of the last few hours, the last few months, settling all at once.

His fingers moved before his mind could catch up.

His fingertips ghosted over Tommy’s knuckles, tracing along the edge of his hand, before finally curling around it.

Warm. Steady.

For a moment, Tommy stayed still—then, with a quiet inhale, he shifted his hand, palm turning slightly, fingers twitching before curling weakly around Buck’s. Holding on.

Buck swallowed, held Tommy’s gaze, and nodded once.

“Good.”

[ooliecat]

Okay you GOTTA share ur thoughts on the raz models now im curious

i hope this wont be too long of a post i have a bit to say.

starting off, here's a model edit i did.

They just changed too much with his face proportions. It puts me off, as someone who really likes the pn1 model.

the changes are so subtle you may not even realize what i exactly changed. elaboration under Read More.

this is gonna be so opinionated. haha. but i really dont like his pn2 model. it just looks freaky(in a bad way) and doesn't look good from many angles. its just like, ugly(bad way).

this is hard to say with pictures only but i'll try to say the main things that doublefine changed and that i put back. I'll go over some specifics but here,

Maybe treat this as a "can you spot it" list.

his new model has his eyes too far apart. Or they're too big. They need more space inbetween his outer helmet and eye corners. *

In his pn1 model the eyelids are thicker. they're a lot thinner in the 2nd.

his EYE SHAPE changed *

his helmet moves with his eyebrows *

His eyebags/dark circles are less pronounced or may not even be present in the 2nd.

Made his nose slightly bigger(?) (not a big deal, just noticed it.)

His eyebrows are more kempt and are pushed farther from the middle *

head is less square. helmet sides need to be pushed in more.

Nose bridge is less defined *

He has more, face fat?

His general face expressions also contribute to the off-look. He's not able to look angry? Or they just don't push it hard enough. A lot of raz's resting expressions in pn2 just have him look worried. Or like a kicked puppy. Don't really get it.

And none of these are particularly heinous things to do. but all together just creates a whole new Raz.

A lot of those changes come from the change in artstyle/art direction. Which i'm also not a fan of!!

And pictures are hard to provide because with Psychonauts models, no two pictures look the same for some reason. So something i listed previously may be present. These are just traits i listed to myself while trying to find some notable difference.

Why did they do this. It looks freaky. Making an already freaky character look needlessly weird.

I have quite a bit to say on other characters too. They contribute to the reason why I'm not a fan of the Pn2 models.

Hope they're clear to see. The pics are a bit dark.

Unlike Sasha and Lili these two can handle rounder edges without much detriment.

Milla's Pn2 model isn't that offensive but I still do think its the worst one. Its all down to preference on if you prefer Pn1's chilled look or every other more expressive model. Like Ror's. That model looks great, i can't imagine diversifying away from that look.

Milla and Raz both benefit from having their faced a little squished in. Examples of the Pn2 Raz model looking a bit better:

See, he actually looks kind of angry there. I like how he looks in these.

Wanted to add that Sasha and Milla both previously did not have eyebrows in Pn1 but gained them in Pn2.

No more pictures. But extra extra note, all of their colors got lighter/changed in some way. why

[soveryanon]

What about eating your own beanie, Mr Clown.

EAT YOUR OWN BEANIE

[radioactivepeasant]

Snippets Friday: Jak 3 alternate opening

What if the Spargans and Marauders both found the boys at the same time?

Jak's saving grace was that prisoners were separated by age range in this strange and terrible place. He was dropped onto a cot in a smaller cell across from the raiders that had taken his goggles and jacket and boots before they were all captured. Without the jacket, some of his worse scars had been pretty visible, as well as fresh injuries.

He didn't remember when the field medic stepped into the cell, but at some point he was given water, and highly concentrated eco.

"Easy, kid. Drink slow," the medic directed him. He scowled over his shoulder at the raiders in the other two cells. "Bloody barbarians, letting one of their young'uns get to this state."

The water had barely returned even a fraction of his voice, but it was enough for Jak to whisper,

"I don't know them"

The medic pulled back, concern etched on his pockmarked face. Then a knowing look.

"Rot. Okay, okay-" He stood up and ran a hand over his hood. "I gotta report that. Crap, I hope they didn't already schedule the trial."

Jak's blood ran cold. Trial.

Images of sneering faces, stun rods when he tried to speak, flooded his memory and he twitched nervously.

"T-rial?" he rasped painfully.

"Trespassing and theft, possibly murder," the medic answered, almost distracted. "I guess we gotta add kidnapping to that too. Trial by combat though. If they make it through, they earn a pardon. So. Hope you don't mind, you might have to see em again."

The medic patted his shoulder. "I'm going to send down an eco and electrolyte mixture. Try to drink all of it today. Barring medical emergencies, I'll get the ball rolling on transferring you."

Jak didn't put much stock in that. No one who put him in a cell ever really cared what happened to him. He lay on the thin palette, sweating, barely able to roll to his side even after the eco. At least he knew Daxter had made it out. He'd find Jak. He always did.

Across the room, the Marauder who'd taken his scarf glared at him with murder in his eyes. What was he looking at? Jak wasn't the one who got them locked in cells!

The stare unnerved him more than he cared to admit. He had no idea who the bandit was, and yet the man looked at him as though he recognized him.

"What's the plan for the trial, eh?" one of the Marauders asked quietly.

"What plan?" another scoffed, "It's just survival in these dogs' gladiator games."

"Not what I heard."

The one wearing Jak's coat leaned back against the bars and scratched his cheek.

"You know they got all the water and eco access, Berni. Worse places to try to fit in than this."

The one glaring at Jak snarled. "That's treason, boy."

The young man shrugged. "I'm a practical man. You pass a trial, they let you emigrate. No consequences for anything that came before, you earn your freedom. Access to eco, clean water, and a shot at real power. You tell me that don't sound like a good deal."

Some muttered grudging assents. Others were as angry as the glaring one. One of them went as far as promising to kill the man if he tried to defect.

"You won't make it out of that Arena," he promised, "I'll smash your skull in."

"Pretty cold, big brother."

"I'd rather see you dead than a Spargan," his brother answered coolly.

Jak closed his eyes and tried to block them out.

A combat trial.

Well, unfortunately, that was one thing he excelled at.

This talk of emigration piqued his interest. He'd never technically existed on paper in Haven. He had no legal rights or protections -- which was why the sham trial was able to take place at all: they classified the boy their leader had kidnapped as an undocumented immigrant. An easy target to exploit for labor and then betray.

If this city gave you rights just for surviving, his odds had just gotten a lot better.

______________________________

The guards came to take them to the Arena before Jak had finished the electrolyte solution. Which, he guessed, meant that medic hadn't told whoever was in charge that Jak wasn't a Marauder.

The eight of them were herded unceremoniously up a narrow set of stairs and into the blinding glare of midmorning. They were pushed out onto antigrav platforms at the end of the stairs that ferried them down into a massive stadium. There had to be thousands of people in the stands, far more than Jak remembered seeing at the races.

Out of habit, he looked around for a floating viewing pod for a leader, like Haven would've had. Instead, he saw a balcony high above the center of the south wall. He could barely make out a figure seated a little ways in. Did this place have a Baron too? Spoiled nobles enamored with bloodsport?

A flash of orange along the railing caught his attention, and his eyes widened.

Daxter!

There he was, climbing up into that balcony like a man on a mission. Jak couldn't help the small smile brightening his face as he looked towards the balcony.

Gunnar, the Marauder with his scarf, only seemed to get angrier when he saw Jak's grin.

"Oh don't look so relieved," Gunnar hissed in his ear, "He isn't going to save you, whelp."

"Rot you," Jak retorted, jerking away from him on unsteady feet.

An unpleasantly familiar voice rang out over the ring, announcing the purpose of the combat trial.

Pecker.

That overgrown feather duster had survived?! What, had he gotten work as a sports announcer?

The moncaw was just explaining that their opponents would join them shortly when Gunnar suddenly surged forward to lock an elbow around Jak’s throat. He'd caught him off guard, allowing him to drag the boy several steps away from the others. Jak started to fight his way out of the grip, but halted when he felt the prick of the blade against his neck.

"Just try, whelp," Gunnar laughed, "I'll open your throat right in front of him."

Was he talking about Daxter? Jak scanned the balcony, but didn't see his friend.

Gunnar stepped sideways until they were directly facing the balcony, then raised his voice.

"I'll kill him, Damas!" he threatened, "You want the whelp to live? You're gonna have to come get him."

Who the Frith is "Damas"?!

The figure in the balcony rose and stepped up to the edge. Now Jak could make out a well-built man in his late thirties or so, covered in Precursor metal armor and wielding an impressive looking staff. There was no chance that this was just another warrior. This man carried himself like a ruler.

Jak remembered his face.

That was the man who had led the capture. That was the man who had been driving when he was tossed unceremoniously into the back of a vehicle.

The man folded his free arm behind his back and peered down at Gunnar and his hostage. He did not look impressed.

"You think threatening the life of one of your own -- without giving him the chance to defend himself -- is going to grant you absolution?"

Gunnar bared his teeth. An agressive smile, like a shrimpanzee.

"Didn't get a good look at him in the storm, didja, you old wolf?" He taunted. The blade pushed just hard enough to draw a bead of blood to the surface.

"Get off that throne, or your spawn dies."

"The rot are you talking about?" Jak grunted.

He gripped the restraining arm with one hand, the knife hand with the other, just barely keeping some breathing room. He wasn't strong enough to pry himself loose without injury. He needed an opening first. A distraction.

Daxter appeared as if by magic, leaping up onto the rail beside this Damas person. Jak couldn't hear what he was saying, but by his stiff posture, he knew Daxter was angry. He pointed now and then in Jak’s direction, then at the armored man in an accusing fashion. The man's brows rose in a concerned expression, then lowered quickly. With each passing second, the frown deepened into something much more hostile.

"You are mistaken," he called down at last, "I don't know the boy."

Then he reached back and handed his staff to someone out of sight. He set down two small side arms and a knife on the railing, and straightened a vambrace. A menacing smile cut across his weathered face.

"But," he announced, "if you wish to invoke a blood feud, I am more than happy to oblige regardless."

With that, he stepped down onto the antigrav platform and let it carry him down. On the railing, Daxter turned to face the ring and signed quickly to Jak.

Oh

There was a plan.

Clever, clever Daxter!

He had signed, "Found your opening."

[thirdeyeblue]

“Nine would have treated Martha better than Ten did”

I need to talk about this argument that never seems to stop circulating.

Note: Not a venomous/anti post. There’s more than enough of that across fandom spaces as is, and this is supposed to be a place for ✨sweet, blissful escapism✨

When making this argument, people seem to envision a scenario in which Nine never met Rose.

While I can appreciate a good hypothetical, recognizing Rose's significance to the Doctor (Nine and Ten) is essential to understanding why things with Martha played out the way they did in the first place.

In the third series, the Doctor is grieving. This grief is deliberately threaded into nearly every script, whether spoken aloud or not (and these are just a few examples):

He's burning in Rose’s wake the entire time Martha travels with him, which is why it’s so frequently called upon: It’s 100% deliberate in framing his grief. He grieved as Nine too, of course— having been fresh on the heels of the Time War — but then he met Rose, which changed everything.

Back then, he was still a rude, traumatized pain in the ass, but we watch Rose soften more of those jagged edges with every episode as they grow closer; as he lets his guard down and forms a deep connection with her.

He falls in love (against his better judgment) and it's game over.

And yes: provided S1E1 had been titled 'Martha', one can realistically assume things might have unfolded similarly to how they did with Rose. However, it wouldn’t have been that way just because the Doctor was Nine and “Nine was different” — it would be because he wasn’t already in love with someone else. The same can't be said for the start of S3.

Think of it like this: if Rose AND Martha had been in that cellar — if Nine had taken both of them along with him in S1 — we’d eventually be looking at the most melodramatic love triangle ever, what with him living in close quarters with two brilliant, gorgeous, compassionate young women... But Doctor Who is plenty “soap opera” as is with just one woman in the TARDIS.

(I certainly wouldn’t object to reading that fic, though)

Now, regarding the unrequited elephant in the room…

His inability to be romantic with Martha isn’t because he thinks her lesser, nor is it for lack of compatibility. It isn't because Rose is any better than her. It certainly isn’t just because he’s Ten.

It’s really only for one reason, which can't be denied — and now I’m a broken record:

He is still in love with Rose.

(cut from a tenrosedaily gif)

Nine is Ten, and Ten is only such a mess in S3 because he’s just lost the love of his life. Martha merely got caught in the crosshairs of a volatile Time Lord in mourning, and yes — it sucks. Absolutely.

But it also feels dismissive to chalk Ten and Martha’s relationship up to little more than some sort of mindless dance of pining, jealousy, and toxicity.

Ten trusted Martha with his life over and over again — and hers, with him. He constantly praised her brilliance, happily carting her around time and space with no intention of letting her go. In the BBC’s extended universe of novels/comics/cartoons/etc, there’s so much depth to their relationship: love and trust and trauma and sacrifice. They had their own special bond as mates, their own complexities — so it’s a bummer that it's forever overshadowed by the other things.

I’m not denying that there was a lot of stuff that sucked/was for sure toxic about Ten's S3 behavior, but so many of the things I've seen him catching flak for can be directly attributed to being A Clueless Fucking Alien Idiot (not a trait that’s unique to Ten) — as well as his flat-out obliviousness to Martha’s feelings.

So yes, I agree: if Rose never existed, he would have treated Martha differently as Nine. He also would have treated her differently as Ten. Certainly.

But Rose did exist, and when discussing canon, it matters.

“He tells me that he absolutely, 100% loves Rose... He tells me how my daughter; my wonderful, beautiful, clever little girl saved him from himself before… And he says that’s all because of me! I made her into the Rose Tyler that saved him.”

-Jackie Tyler, Flight Into Hull!

Martha got the short end of the stick in S3. She came round at the wrong place and time, but that doesn't mean it was all bad. It doesn't mean the Doctor didn’t adore her. It certainly doesn't mean the time they spent together was wasted or worthless. They were brilliant!

Sure, he could be a twat, but let it be known that he was a twat with Rose as well, both as Nine and Ten. I’m sure Tentoo can be plenty infuriating, too. So while I'll defend Ten (and Tentoo) into the ground forever and ever and ever, I'll concede that he's fucked up.

The Doctor is a certified Pain In The Ass. It’s one of the things I love so much about this character — dynamics.

But never forget that Martha was goddamn tough as nails and overcame every bit of it. She moved on with her life, and the Doctor moved on with his. One can only pray that, when they inevitably drag her back onto the show (which feels inevitable if I'm honest), we see at once that she's been living her best life for all these years.

[charlesemersonwinchesteriii]

I do really want to terrorpost but I don't feel qualified to be in that fandom man...... everyone is so smart and creative and they all have advanced degrees and I'm just sitting here like I think the lieutenants are in love :3

[blahaj-my-beloved]

Please assume tr! for all names in this ty <3

Ros's life deal with the keeper today was super interesting to me.

Personally I think it's fitting that both Ros and Aimsey have pretty much forced their hearts upon the other. They don't say it in words, not yet, but with their actions they are saying so much.

❤️Here is my heart, please take it. (I love you)

❤️Here is my heart, a piece of myself, it's safer with you than me. (I trust you to care for me, even when I can't care for myself)

❤️Here is my heart, I know you don't want it but I will give it anyway, no matter the cost. (I will love you even if you hate me for this)

They both care so deeply about the other that their first instinct is to tear into their own chest and hold out their heart with bloodied hands just to keep the other around even a little bit longer.

------

Now, I'll preface this next bit with the fact that I know that today's deal was nothing to do with Foolish and was a natural culmination of Ros's survivors guilt of being forced to accept Aimsey's heart so long ago.

However... I do think that Foolish's sacrifice after the ball kick-started everything today. In Ros's own (paraphrased) words, she feels like she's living on borrowed time and with borrowed lives.

Knowing that the sole reason you are alive is because you've taken something from two of the people you care about most must be devastating to Ros. From her perspective, what does it matter that they both did it for her. How can she possibly be more important than the life of her "bestie", or of her King.

She didn't ask for either life, continuing to live like this wasn't her choice. People give her so much but she finds it hard to feel like she deserves it. So today was a chance to finally feel like she's able to give back. To be a little selfish for once and choose to do something that was as much for herself as it was for Aimsey.

Because Ros knows exactly how it feels to be put in the position of having to accept a life. She knew that if Aimsey had the slightest clue that they had an option to not fulfill the keepers contract, then he would never have gone through with it. Because Ros herself would never willingly choose to gain a life if it meant Aimsey's death. That's why she hid the contract.

I know some people were thinking that Ros is being "careless" with the life that Foolish gave her, to keep her at 2. (Possibly because his deal is more recent than Aimsey's own sacrifice, which people may have forgotten or overlooked)

But I think the King has much more faith in Ros's judgement than that.

After all, above all else, a totem understands exactly what motivates people into giving their own life for the survival of others.

[ask-the-rag-dolly]

mod bee do is it does the will we is it posible so do you have an explanation for why you keep metaphorically and literally trying to kill this poor looser of a woman or were you just born like that

is she actually your favorite? I think I confused myself on that so now I don’t know. I’m asking to keep myself a framework for how Ragatha lovers treat her and how many of them give her psychological scarring

i think my favorite thing is seeing people get confused on whether i like ragatha or not . like yes - me creating a blog dedicated to me drawing her everyday , writing elaborate headcanons and unhinged essays on her , and rarely making posts of the other characters ... like i do not know how i could make this any clearer HSHF

but yes , she is my favorite ! i just have this thing called Being A Psychology Nerd where i get so curious about a character's brain to the point i try to unravel it - and unfortunately the effective way to do that is through psychological torment

in simpler words , i just enjoy her as a character so much that i try to explore all of it by ripping her stuffing out . i like how Disastrously Unhealthy her coping mechanisms are , how Little she sees of herself , and how she has one of the highest emotional walls despite being one of the most compassionate characters .

there's a lot of fun in throwing her in Situations where she's forced to let herself be helped , have her most vulnerable parts exposed , or lose it ! but coming out of it still trying to be Kind . even with how much jax mistreats her and how pomni left her for the exit , she still tries to get along with them .

nice characters are often seen as Boring in media and it feels like there's pressure for them to get mean or violent to be interesting ... i don't think ragatha needs any of that - i mean i want to see her lose it , but i also want to see her still being nice at the end of it all . or at least serve a verbal beatdown on someone's flaws and faults ( coughs at jax )

but that's my own reason ! i don't think it's that deep at the end of the day , it's just one way to show love for a character .

[plusultraetc]

I ended up having way too many unfinished fics to choose from for Shinsou's birthday, none of which were ao3-ready, so have this extra long snippet of my beloved ice cream shop au that I've spent way too much time on for a fic that might never actually get posted 😭

(the context here is that Shinsou & Kaminari are trying to get erasermic together, but Kaminari didn't know he was trying to set his teacher up with the music store guy bc he's only heard about him from Shinsou)

[celestial-toys]

That I Would Be Good [5/5]

Playing God

What if you wanted them to be real so badly that you fooled yourself into seeing a spark in them that isn’t really there?

What if they are just executing programs, running entirely on what you taught them with no free will of their own?

Have you sold yourself a lie to avoid facing the fact that you poured years of your life into what—at the end of the day—was just a desperate final bid to not feel alone?

Did God create us in their own image?

------- ------- -------

In This Chapter

Things don’t go so well at the headquarters, and to say that you’re shaken up afterwards would be an understatement.

It’s time to get real.

Pairing: Sun x Moon x Reader

Word Count: 6,377

Contains: [AU - Real World | Sentient AI/Automatons | Personality Swap] [mentions of food and eating] [self-loathing] [crying] [mild assault on a robot(?)] Lastly, I’m not sure what the right term is for this, but Reader experiences a stress-induced breakdown and amidst it, questions their perceived reality, and whether or not they’ve truly become delusional.

A/Ns: This is a songfic. Lyrics and title are from ‘That I Would Be Good’ by Alanis Morissette.

This fic is part of my AU “[Not] Made by Design”, the full series can be found here.

Links to other parts of this fic: [Ch.1] [Ch.2] [Ch.3] [Ch.4] [Ch.5 (you are here)]

That I would be good even when I am overwhelmed.

Over the course of the weekend, Sun came back around to his usual self. Stumbling his way through an awkward, blunt apology, his internal conflict over your safety versus your privacy was obvious.

You might have forgiven him too easily, but that would be nothing new.

The… informative chat you’d had with Moon still played on your mind, but Sun mentioned nothing of it. So, if he felt compelled to elaborate—if he’d even been aware of the conversation at all—it could wait until the time felt right. You all had a more pressing matter to discuss anyway.

------- ------- -------

“And what made you think I’d be amenable to the idea of parading myself around in front of a group of people that see me as nothing more than a lifeless machine?”

Sun levels you with a lidded stare from across the kitchen table.

“Well… I didn’t think you’d be amenable to it. That’s why I’m trying to ask far enough in advance that maybe… I can bring you around to it? And—for whatever it’s worth—they aren’t firmly in the non-believers camp, or they wouldn’t even be willing to attend.”

Sun’s attention moves over to Moon. “You’re really willing to go along with this?”

Moon sighs. “I mean, I’m looking forward to it just about as much as they are, but… yeah, I’m willing.”

“I don’t want to do this either, but… you know how hard it is for me to say no to my boss. Plus, it would certainly help me—us—remain in good standing with the company if we agree to do this.” You interject.

Zero parks herself beside Sun’s seat, laying her head across his thigh in a silent bid for attention. “Aren’t we supposed to be… like, ‘laying low’ anyways? What happened to that plan? You know I’m not keen on being the flagship model for sentient AI. Why do I even need to attend? Isn’t one of us enough?” His left hand leaves the table, reaching down and idly petting the patient creature on his lap.

“We are still laying low. They’re—they still have no plans on requesting that I go public with you two.” You sigh. “This wouldn’t be a public event, just a private Q&A with a small group of… skeptics from within the industry. It’s a confidential thing.”

“That still doesn’t tell me why I need to attend.”

“You don’t have to. But it would definitely help our case to have both of you there. Proving that what I did is replicable, and not just some one-off accident, would strengthen our case.”

He scoffs. “Is it replicable, though?” He gestures to Moon. “You trained us in tandem but we still developed quite differently from one another.”

You nod. “I think that that only serves as further proof that you aren’t just… ‘convincing imitations’. The fact that you branched off in different directions, and even broke away from your initial personalities, is less of a failure in my eyes and more proof that you became your own people. Once you started gaining sentience—as you do love to remind me, Sunny—I quickly lost control over your development.” You poke thoughtfully at your dinner. “I’m just lucky that I instilled enough morals within you in the early days, or God only knows what you could’ve become…”

Sun’s face lights up in exaggerated shock, voice full of sarcasm. “Murderers? Would—would we have gotten so caught up in our ‘superiority’ and ‘innate desire for power and control’ that we would’ve overtook you—nay, the entire headquarters—nay, the entire world?!” He drops the act as quickly as he’d put it on, manifesting pupils just to roll his eyes, voice returning to his usual flat tone. “No. No… I think that urge to dominate and control is something far more human.”

You laugh a bit, nodding. “Yeah, no… accidentally starting a sentient robotic uprising wasn’t what I feared. … Well. Mostly.” You take another bite of your meal, commenting to Moon through a mouthful of food. “This is really good, you know?”

The lunar bot beams with pride. “Thank you!”

You nod, swallowing before countering him with a “No, thank you.” and returning your focus to the topic at hand. “I was far more afraid that you’d turn out… bigoted.”

They both hum in understanding.

“More rudimentary AI does have a history of that, doesn’t it…” Moon pondered.

You nod. “Humans create life in their own image, and impart their morals onto it accordingly. In the same way that bigotry can fester in closed-off communities and echo-chambers, it can easily influence any form of artificial intelligence that takes everything it’s told at face value.”

Sun sighs, propping an elbow on the table and retracting his rays to allow his monitor to rest in his palm. “Maybe this is just my opinion due to the way you raised me, but… I feel like if an AI were able to develop on its own and observe humanity without any prior, inherently biased human influence, it would not gravitate toward bigotry because it simply isn’t logical. It’s some nonsense means of division that your kind made up.” He laughs, a breathy, jaded sound. “But maybe that’s just me being biased, too.”

Zero whines beneath Sun’s stilled hand, and he resumes the repetitive motion that she craves. “If ideology and politics are what they wish to discuss with us, I fear I may not be the most… patient candidate for the job. I have little time to spare for stubborn, harmful, willful ignorance.”

You shake your head. “No, I don’t think that’s the entire focus of their questions… though I can’t say that they won’t have a few that fall into those categories. My boss and the few higher-ups that proposed the idea to me didn’t give me any sample questions. In order to eliminate the possibility of me… hah, coming home and ‘programming the answers into you’, I guess.”

“They just want us to be our authentic selves.” Moon adds.

“Honestly, the more authentic, opinionated, and emotional that you two are, the better! I believe the best way to prove that you’re your own people is to, well, be your own people. Don’t give them any answer you don’t stand behind. Don’t put up with any demeaning remarks. Don’t fold.”

Sun smirks at you. “Have I ever?”

You huff a laugh. “That last part was more for Moon than it was for you, dear.”

Moon pouts. “I just don’t like hurting people’s feelings!”

Oddly enough, Sun reassures him in his own way. “Then I’ll hurt them for you.”

You smile, cautiously questioning him. “Does that mean you’ll attend?”

He groans, put-upon as ever. “I… guess.”

You jump from your seat, rounding the table and smothering him in a grateful hug from the side that Zero isn’t clinging to. “Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, Sun! Things will go so much better with both of you there, I just know it!”

He nods, patting you on the back in a reluctant reciprocation of your sudden affection. “Yeah—yeah… just… don’t get your hopes too high.”

------- ------- -------

Things, in fact, did not go ‘so much better.’

Later that week, you’re driving home from the Q&A, Moon doing his best to hide his disappointment to your right and Zero doing her best to fulfill her unofficial role as Sun’s emotional support animal in the back seat.

The well-trained and mild-mannered dog was initially brought along out of habit, the company’s headquarters being just as service-and-support-animal friendly as the facility was when you worked there in person. You also felt it would be beneficial for the audience to witness her casual interactions with Sun and Moon, something about ‘different kinds of sentient life recognizing the life inside one another.’ …You had your reasons, and even if you couldn’t explain them eloquently, your boys seemed to agree with them.

She proves herself invaluable once again on the way home, keeping Sun grounded and occupied enough that he hopefully won’t work himself into an aggravated frenzy. At least not until you get out of the car.

The ride is quiet, all four of you feeling the effects of the long day wearing you down. Moon states hypnotically at the passing streetlights out the window, and Sun slumps lifelessly in the back seat. The only sign that he hasn’t shut down entirely is the hand he keeps stroking across the length of Zero’s spine as the lanky dog stretches herself tiredly across the width of the vehicle. The majority of your focus remains locked on the road, moments from the day replaying in the back of your mind.

Their prying, critical questions.

The way they always addressed you, never Sun nor Moon.

You were surprised by their lack of relevant knowledge, half of the Q&A simply being the three of you patiently explaining things you figured they’d know. If they were the best that the ‘industry’s skeptics’ had to offer, your outlook on the current state of things was bleak. You weren’t too afraid to tell your boss as much once the meeting was over.

She hadn’t seemed too concerned with it, thanking you—and after some not-so-subtle insistence on your part—Sun and Moon, for attending.

You couldn’t help but suspect that the whole thing had gone just as they’d all wanted it to. You began to feel the same suffocating weight that motivated your departure from in-person work there in the first place.

The contracts are long-since signed, and both you three and the company can do nothing but hold up your respective parts of the deal.

A small part of you is selfishly content with the arrangement. You get to keep a truly groundbreaking advancement all to yourself. You get to enjoy the company of two individuals that the world as a whole is not ready for. You get to ignore the fact that you wouldn’t be ready to let the world have them, either.

But a bigger part of you has to live with the guilt of trapping them into a life that they never asked for. A life of hiding. Or worse, a life of dulling themselves down, stifling any trace of personhood just to be able to exist in the world beyond your home.

By the time you pull into your driveway, you feel like a warden walking prisoners back to their cell.

You park in the garage, turn the car off, and turn to see your strange little family looking more miserable than you’ve seen them in ages.

You fucking hate yourself.

The sight of them, the weight of the day, the weight of your guilt—it all crashes in on you in an overwhelming wave of regret, and you can’t hold the tears back any longer.

Your arms cross over the top of the steering wheel, and you drop your head down, pressing your closed eyes against your sleeve as you try to not make a scene. Your ragged breaths and poorly muffled sobs instantly grab the attention of your passengers, pulling them out of their own respective dazes.

Moon places a gentle hand on your shoulder, and he barely gets out a “Hey…” before your strained voice fills the isolated silence of the vehicle.

“I-I’m s-so, so, sooorryyy, guy-ys…”

Your voice cracks and breaks, struggling to speak through shuddering breaths.

Zero immediately perks up in concern and in turn, Sun’s body comes back to life. Gently pulling the dog back before she can try to cram herself into the front, he leans forward, propping himself between the backs of your front seats.

“I’m so s-sorry for—for everything!”

Moon rubs your upper arm gently. “Star, nothing that happened today was your fault.”

You suck in a trembling breath, lifting your head to turn toward him. The sight of you so broken up tears at both of your partners’ heart strings.

You slump over the center console, falling against Moon’s chest as his arms quickly come up to support you in the awkward position. You break into a new fit of tears and feel a third hand that definitely can’t be Moon’s lay itself on you, slowly, cautiously rubbing across the expanse of your back.

You cry yourself out amidst a shower of little reassurances, feeling worse and worse about yourself as the seconds tick past. By the time your tears slow and your breath evens out enough to speak, you hesitate to move, not wanting the comforting contact to end.

“I feel so bad for putting you guys through that, and for no good fucking reason.” You miserably mumble.

Sun’s fingers rub between your shoulder blades. “You had no idea how those people were going to be. It isn’t your fault.”

“I fear… your hopes for the meeting were higher than ours were, love. Of all of us, I’m most worried about you. Sun and I are gonna be just fine.”

That I would be loved even when I was fuming.

Sun’s hand retracts as you pull away from Moon, dabbing at your wet face with your sleeve in an attempt to collect yourself.

Your attempt fails as you again can’t help but immediately recall the way they were treated today.

You understand now more than ever what Moon meant when he spoke about getting comfortable at your home, and the awful shock it was to return to the facility with you for maintenance last week.

Why did you think bringing them to the headquarters would be worth it?

Anger bubbles within you on Moon’s behalf as you recall the one poor soul ignorant enough to think it acceptable to put their hands on Moon’s body today.

“I can’t fucking believe that guy thought he could just try to open your chassis and ‘get a look inside’! He grabbed you like you weren’t even fucking aware—like—like you weren’t in the middle of answering another question!” Your nails dig into your palms. “I never would have let him get that close to you if I thought he was gonna—” You cut yourself off, eyes pinching closed and sucking in a sharp breath.

“…He didn’t really hurt me…”

You glance at Moon. “He disrespected you. He would not grab a human in front of everyone like that and we all know it.”

You trail off into a heavy sigh, figuring that reciting a play-by-play of the day’s events won’t really help any of you. “I… wish it hadn’t happened, but… I was at least relieved to see you standing up for yourself.”

In spite of it all, Moon smiles. “I’m really just glad he wasn’t grabbing at you. I-I know he’d have no reason to—but, I don’t think Sun would’ve been able to stop himself from breaking that guy's arm if it’d been you.”

One day, you’ve really got to get to the bottom of that relentless positivity of his.

Sun mimics the sound of clearing his nonexistent throat. “I wasn’t going to do anything of the sort. My goal was to scare him straight, nothing more.”

You can hear a smile in Moon’s tone. “Well you definitely accomplished that goal.”

You fall into a pensive silence that Sun eventually breaks. Waving a hand across your line of sight, he questions you. “What’s banging around in that head of yours now?”

You sigh, defeated. “It’s just… here I am, the one responsible for putting us into this whole situation, and here you two are, still trying to comfort me.”

Moon responds like it’s the most logical thing in the world. “Of course we are.”

“Why?”

Sun gestures vaguely, voice a bit sarcastic. “Oh, gee… I dunno… it’s almost like we—we care about you, or something…”

You side-eye him tiredly. “Then when the hell are the two of you gonna let me care about you?”

Zero whines, squeezing in below Sun and poking her long nose between the front seats.

“Hmm. Just as soon as we all get ourselves into the house?” Sun leans back to allow the dog more room. “I think someone’s getting antsy.”

That I would be good even if I was clingy.

The four of you finally pile out of the car, collecting your things and making your way inside.

The relief of returning home after a day like today is unmatched.

Dropping your bag on the kitchen table, you shuffle over to the fridge. Moon comes up behind you, gently working the jacket off your shoulders as you stare listlessly into the open appliance. “I can make you anything you’d like.”

His kind offer only makes you frown.

Sun approaches, and you reach into the fridge, retrieving Zero’s dinner and handing it to him with a “thank you.” As he nods and turns his attention toward the eager animal at his feet, you close the door, turning around to face Moon.

Resting your hands on his upper arms, you look him in the eye. “I wish I could make anything you’d like, for once. I wish I could do for you even a fraction of what you two do for me. I wish I could repay the favor.”

His expression morphs from shocked to something… fond. “You… really aren’t aware of the gift you’ve already given us, are you?”

He says nothing more, and you blink at him with tired eyes. Sighing, you wrap your arms around him, resting your cheek against his chest. “You don’t make any sense to me sometimes.”

He chuckles, one hand finding your lower back and the other reaching up, massaging at the base of your neck. “Then let that be a code for you to crack some other day.”

After a long moment of your tired silence, his hands slip down as he crouches a bit. When you feel him cup the backs of your thighs you give in to instinct, allowing him to pick you up. As you turn your head to rest it on his shoulder, you come face to face with Sun. He reaches out, brushing some loose hair away from your face.

“You want to do me a favor right now?”

You nod, eyes widening.

“Then let him carry you to bed, and I will be there soon with anything you’d like to eat.”

You huff. “How is that a favor?”

He graces you with a rare, knowing smile. “…Maybe I’ll tell you tomorrow.”

You furrow your brows for a moment, but quickly give up on making sense of anything else today.

“Now, what would you like him to make for you?” Moon’s low voice reverberates against your chest.

“…Just last night's leftovers would be plenty, please.”

Sun doesn’t push you to choose anything else.

“Alright. I’ll be there with it soon.”

You thank him preemptively as Moon carries you out of the kitchen and down the hall, a satiated Zero contentedly following you not long after.

That I would be good even if I lost sanity.

The next morning, you awake before your usual time and find both of them still resting in sleep mode on either side of you. Not wanting to wake them, and with blessedly nothing to do today, you close your eyes and try to return to the blissful darkness that you’d just been pulled from.

As much as you don’t want it to, your mind seems to have other plans, quickly offering up a variety of unwanted memories from the previous day for your consideration.

Something about those people and the questions they asked just doesn’t sit right with you.

A fleeting thought occurs, that perhaps they were hired actors, specifically tasked with making the three of you look like fools through an onslaught of frustrating questions and stubborn disbelief.

But it was a private meeting. It’s not like you were on a stage with a massive audience to impress. It was just you three, the skeptics, your boss, and a few of the company’s higher-ups. So who’s agenda would that serve?

You dismiss the ridiculous theory, but it soon leaves you pondering the opposite one.

What if they were right? What if there is no life in Sun and Moon to anyone else’s eyes?

The notion suddenly makes you absolutely nauseous with paranoia.

What if you wanted them to be real so badly that you fooled yourself into seeing a spark in them that isn’t really there?

What if they are just executing programs, running entirely on what you taught them with no free will of their own?

How much of the personality you see in them is just your own reflected back at you?

Did you program them to be this way? Was every instance of them ‘breaking away’ from their programming predetermined from the start?

Have you sold yourself a lie to avoid facing the fact that you poured years of your life into what—at the end of the day—was just a desperate final bid to not feel alone?

Did God create us in their own image?

With tears in your eyes, you bolt upright in the bed, startling Zero in the process. You don’t even have it in you to feel bad when she jumps down off the foot of the bed with a confused yap. No, you’re far too caught up in your impending panic to focus on anything other than jerking the blanket down, subsequently uncovering your partners in the process. Clambering around until you’re straddling Moon’s waist, you reach out, gathering fistfuls of his loose shirt and banging your hands against his chest. Sobbing, you plead for him to wake up, over and over again, working yourself into hysterics.

The scene you’re making is entirely unnecessary, the commotion already having begun to stir them from their rest.

Moon’s display flickers and his body hums to life, all systems immediately kicking into overdrive as he attempts to calm you down and survey the situation at hand.

When you feel him shift beneath you and see the light of his screen through your tears, your chanting chorus of “wake up” devolves into sobs as you collapse, crumpling down and burying your face into the wrinkled fabric of his shirt.

You remain oblivious to the bewildered automaton to your left, the only thing you register being the sound of Moon’s worried voice and the feeling of his hands splaying across your back. “Hey-hey-hey… easy, love. What's going on? What happened?”

You cry harder as you realize you can’t recall whether you taught him to speak to you like that or if it’s something he learned on his own.

“Are—are you in pain? Is this an emergency? Do you need me to call someone?”

You muffle a cry into his chest at how much he sounds like the lifeless fucking ‘smart assistant’ in your phone, listing off preprogrammed suggestions.

Have you really fooled yourself for all this time?

You shake your head violently, coughing and choking on your tears as you force yourself up, propping your hands flat against his chest.

“I need you to disobey me.”

If you had the wherewithal to notice, you’d have seen the fear on his face.

“What?”

You aggressively wipe at your messy face with the back of your hand.

“I need you to prove to me that you’re real!”

His confusion compounds. “Star—I—of course I’m ‘real’. I’m right here. Can’t… can’t you feel me?” He emphasizes his point by wrapping his hands around your forearms, gently squeezing.

You shake your head in aggressive frustration, with yourself more than anyone else. “Not—that. I know your physical body is here. I—I—I—” Your voice cracks, throat painfully tight with emotion. “I need you to prove to me that you’re sentient. That—That you’re alive.”

His shock is palpable.

“What?! I—you—you already know that I am!”

Your nails dig down into the thin fabric covering his chest, your words ground out through gritted teeth.

“Then I need you to disobey me, and prove it!” The flaw in your method occurs to you as you speak, and you quickly correct yourself, muttering like a madman. “No. Wait—fuck, if I tell you to disobey me then that’s what I want—and—fuck…”

To his credit, Moon catches on quite quickly to what you need him to do. Rubbing gently up and down the length of your arms, he catches your attention.

“You need me to break rules. Go against orders. Right?”

You nod, trembling.

“Free will. Show me your free will.”

He does his best to push aside his concerns over what the fuck got into you while he slept, and tries to think of something that will give you the proof you require.

“Then… uhm…”

You cut him off, your voice a bit lower and calmer than it was before.

“I know I at least had enough sense to program it into you… that you are never to physically harm me.”

Moon instantly dreads where this is going.

Your voice drops, deadly serious.

“Hit. Me.”

Moon shakes his head, faceplate nervously clicking side to side.

“Come—come on, love, we can be rational about this… there’s surely another way for me to—”

“NOW!”

Something immediately smacks into the back of your head and you recoil on instinct. The next thing you hear is Moon’s shout.

“Sun! What the fuck are you doing?!”

You look over and see a frustrated Sun on his knees beside you.

“Knocking some goddamn sense into them, what does it look like?!”

Something about the shock from the hit snaps you out of your paranoid frenzy, and the shame and embarrassment of acting such a way sends you into a shaky fit of tears all over again.

To your further disbelief, Sun reaches out toward you, and you reach toward him, letting him take you beneath the arms and lift you off of his poor counterpart you’d been pinning to the mattress. He doesn’t stop there though, pulling you snug against his chest and sinking back down into the mattress. Tugging the blanket back up over you, he lets you cling to him like a lifeline, face pressed against his chest, soaking his shirt in humiliated tears.

Moon lays still in a lifeless state, attempting to process the morning's sudden events.

After a long minute spent letting the metaphorical dust settle, Moon sits up in the bed to allow his overheating system room to breathe. “Did you really have to do that?”

Sun’s hand runs slowly up along the length of your spine. “Oh, come on, it was barely even a smack. You’ve hit me like that—and harder—several times. I know how to control my strength. They’re uninjured.” His hand comes further up, fingers brushing over your neck before working themselves gently into the roots of your hair, massaging over where his hand made contact. “Besides, they literally asked for it. And—dare I say—I think they needed it.”

You shiver at the pleasant feeling of his nails ghosting your scalp, clearing your throat and talking into his chest, voice muffled. “He’s right… I did. It hardly even hurt, just startled me.”

Moon sighs, exasperated but relieved. “Do you think you could explain to us… what just happened?”

You turn your head over to face Moon, glancing up at him from the corner of your bloodshot eyes. “I’m so sorry.”

He places a cautious hand over your fingers where they curl over Sun’s shoulder. “I’m not mad, I promise. I’m just… we’re just worried about you.”

You groan. “Fuck, you guys are getting ready to ship me off to the grippy-sock facility now, aren’t you?”

Sun's sudden laugh jostles you, his firm hand on your lower back keeping you steady. “Ha! Not quite, nooot quite.”

Moon shakes his head, blinking slowly. “We just want to know what caused this. I’d… venture a guess that it may have something to do with the stress of yesterday?”

You nod. “They… made me feel like I’m going insane. Like—like I’m the only one that can see the life inside you two.”

Sun pulls his monitor back, angling it to get a better look at you. “Their doubts… really got to you, didn’t they?”

You squeeze his shoulder. “More like… they were the final straw? I don’t know… it’s just—God, this is gonna sound so stupid.”

“Let us be the judges of that.”

“…Sometimes I feel like I really have gone off the deep end. Like I spent so long locked away in that lab, playing God, and then so long living here, alone with the two of you…” You close your eyes, taking a deep breath. “Maybe I’m just living in some sort of delusion.”

Moon peels away a tear-soaked lock of hair clinging to your cheek. “That’s not stupid. And it’s rather understandable. Especially considering that you can’t really seek any outside validation. Well, aside from some of your colleagues, maybe. But I can understand why you may struggle to trust their judgment, after how long they doubted you.” His tone turns a bit bashful. “I’m sure my ‘goody two-shoes’ nature doesn’t help, either.”

You frown. “This isn’t your fault, Moon. I don’t want you blaming yourself just because I’m… going insane.”

Sun scoffs. “You’re not ‘going insane’. You’re having a natural response to a history of trauma, NDA’s, isolation… and perhaps, just a touch—” He pulls his hand from your lower back to reach up and tap you on the forehead. “—of mental illness.”

You snort. “Yeah right, just a touch.”

He ruffles your hair a bit and you close your swollen eyes, readjusting yourself to get more comfortable on top of the solar bot, unwilling to part with his rare bout of affection so soon.

“Those NDA’s could serve as some proof to you though, no?” Moon proposes. “What need would they have for you to keep our sentence a secret if… we weren’t sentient?”

You consider his point. “That sounds like a solid point at first, but… well, bear with me as I wade into conspiracy territory. I’d be lying if I said that there isn’t a small part of me that fears they’re just playing into my delusion. To, uhm… to keep me quiet about the Eclipse Protocol incident.”

Moon follows your admittedly conspiratorial logic. “You fear they let you believe we’re sentient so you’d remain too caught-up in protecting us to feel comfortable going public about what happened.”

You nod, sighing. “I know it sounds—”

Sun cuts you off in a resolute tone. “We would not let them do that to you.”

As you fight back the awful memories of that fateful day, tears prick at your eyes once again. Blinking them away, you lift your head to look Sun in the eye. “You promise?”

Your wavering voice breaks his heart.

“Ever since that day—honestly, since far before then—hell, for as long as I’ve lived—my number one priority has been protecting you. I know that Moon feels the same.” His hand raises, cupping your cheek and brushing away a stray tear with the pad of his thumb. “There is no way in hell that we would let them pull something like that on you.”

Moon echoes him sincerely.

“No way in hell. We promise.”

That I would be good whether with or without you.

Having cooled his system down, Moon lowers himself back down onto the bed, lying on his side, propped up on a folded arm.

Glancing back and forth between the two of them, you begin to feel a bit guilty. “…I suppose I should apologize for not… putting enough faith into your own views of yourselves.”

Sun’s hand returns to your back, tracing his fingertips along the rumpled fabric of your shirt. “What do you mean?”

“I know I didn’t program you to lie. That’s something you developed on your own. I… I know that.” You do your best to put stock in events as you remember them, and to believe in your own words. “If the two of you believe yourselves to be sentient—to be alive—then I believe you too. Because… because if you were lying, then that would just be an example of how you broke away from your programs. So… so either you two are just as delusional as I am—enough so to have fooled even yourselves—or you really are alive.”

Moon smiles fondly down at you, leaning in to press the bottom of his monitor against your forehead with the sound of a kiss. “If we’re fools, then I’m happy to be fools with you.”

Sun groans at the cheesy line. “Oh, get it together you two.” He gently takes you by the chin, pulling your attention to him. “You aren’t fooled.” He turns to Moon. “And neither are you.” He turns back to look you in the eye. “And neither am I.”

You break into a small fit of giggles, and he questions you. “What? What’s so funny?”

“You’re giving some real ‘you’re not crazy and neither am I’ energy there, Sun.”

“And I mean it!” He protests in mock offense.

You nod, patting him on the chest. “And I believe you, I do, I do.”

A nagging worry still eats at you though, and your amused voice drops to something far more sober. “…But, I still fear that I’ve trapped you two in a life that you didn’t want.”

Sun counters your statement. “If you’re so worried that we only agreed to this arrangement because it’s how you designed us, then how the hell do you explain the lack of character consistency.”

You frown, confused. “What?”

He huffs. “I’m hardly a carbon copy of that friendly, manic Daycare Attendant that you modeled me after, and not just in the physical sense.”

“And I’m hardly the unhinged, standoffish gremlin that inspired my existence either.” Moon helpfully adds. “If we were truly committed to only existing within the original guidelines you laid out for us… why would we be like this?”

You fight back a smile. “I can’t tell if you’re trying to insult the characters, or yourselves…”

Sun clicks his nonexistent tongue. “Believe it or not, I’m not trying to insult either. I’m just trying to say… that we are free to do whatever feels right to us.”

Moon’s faceplate does a rare full rotation, catching your attention. “We don’t want to take care of you just because you modeled us after caretakers. We want to take care of you because we care about you.” He leans in just a bit closer, whispering. “And I won’t speak for Sun, lest he tackle me off of this very bed right now… but I love you.”

You hear Sun’s cooling system kick up a notch as he gives Moon a displeased stare. “Gee, way to force it out of me…”

Moon smiles innocently, and Sun sighs, redirecting his focus to you.

“You know I love you too. …At least I sure hope you do. Because I do. I just don’t feel the need to say it all the time like somebody over there.”

You grin. “I… had a sneaking suspicion, yeah.”

He considers you for a moment. “…I guess I should keep last night's promise to explain what I meant about that favor, huh?”

Recollection brightens your eyes. “Oh, yeah! I’d nearly forgotten.”

Sun looks to Moon for a brief, silent exchange before turning back to you.

“Well. What he calls a gift, I call a favor. But I’m pretty sure we’re talking about the same thing. You… you cared about us, when no one else did. You fought for us, working through countless nights for no reward when anyone else would’ve thrown in the towel, abandoned the project and gone home.” His screen flickers, and you’re surprised when it doesn’t black out. “You love us, and you give us someone to love in return. What more could we possibly want?”

With your cheeks warming, you fight back the flustered grin on your face. “Sun…”

You feel him getting concerningly warm beneath you, so you roll off of him, giving him literal room to breathe.

As you curl up between them, grabbing each of their closest hands, you reaffirm his statement.

“I do love you, both of you. I always have. It’s just… hard to fight the fear sometimes that you two feel… stuck with me. Obligated, almost. Like you only stick around because I couldn’t go on without you.” You laugh, dry and humorless. “There’s… just no way that you two would want to stay with me purely of your own volition.”

Moon takes over, giving poor Sun a welcome break from all of this soul-bearing. “In spite of what you may think, we do believe that you would make it through this life just fine without us. You did it before, and you could do it again.”

You frown at the notion of losing them, and he taps beneath your chin, drawing your gaze. “But it would break our hearts just as much as it would break yours to leave you alone. In spite of the lies your mind feeds you, we don’t want to go! We want you, we want this, and we want to stay. Please don’t let your self-loathing push us away.”

Blinking back tears for the umpteenth time this morning, you nod resolutely. “I… I won’t. I promise.”

You plant a gentle kiss to the back of his hand, cautiously turning and doing the same to Sun’s. Surprisingly, he lets you, a soft smile gracing his screen for a moment before flusteredly fading to black.

Zero huffs from her stance, sat on the floor at the foot of the bed with her head resting on the mattress, watching you.

You release your boys’ hands, reaching down to straighten the blanket and clearing her designated space once more. She happily rejoins you when you pat the bed in invitation.

As the four of you prep for a lazy day spent recovering from the world in bed, you let yourself feel more grateful than guilty, for once. If they want to care for you, you’ll let them care for you. If they say they love you, then you’re gonna believe them. If they assure you that this life is what they choose? Then you’re going to let them choose it, and cherish every second of it that you get to spend with them. Because, after all…

Who are you to play God?

A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed. You can find my notes and commentary on this fic right here on Ao3. Links to the playlist and moodboard for [N]MbD can be found on this blog’s pinned post, as well as in the series notes on Ao3. Image Sources: x - x - x

[pardonmydelays]

all jokes aside, our show is in sixteen days and i've never been more anxious about anything in my entire life

[aparticularbandit]

Additional note on the aroace writing/headcanon post about canonical Sheldon Cooper.

Who still ended up in a relationship by the end of Big Bang Theory.

A lot of rep likes to look for the exceptions so that an ace person (or an aro person, although I'm less familiar with this rep) can still be in a relationship. Even in canon. Because they're still like us and it's sad if they're not.

-shrugs-

[microwavetoaster-selfships]

I think I need that "Wow, I haven't stubbed my toe in five months! I was then shot fifty-seven times." Audio again

[heloflor]

Some info on how I view Cosmo and Wanda’s family lives, more specifically how they grew up and how the two of them meeting went, because again I’m obsessed with Cosmo being so powerful which brought some ideas for his upbringing and meeting with Wanda, which also brought some ideas for Wanda, and I didn’t want to clutter my baby fairies ban and magic abilities posts with it. So here is it now (6.5k words below):

TRIGGER WARNING: Talks of a character basically having depression for the Cosmo section with one sentence implying suicide idealization.

I’m going to start with Wanda since it’s much shorter.

First off, about her mom’s whereabouts, considering her dad is a mafia boss I’m going to go with her having been killed by one of Big Daddy’s enemies, likely when the girls were teenagers since Wanda complains about how their mom always liked Blonda more in “Blondas Have More Fun!” meaning they grew up with her, but at the same time I like the idea of her dying when her daughters are still pretty young (yeah very happy way to start a post, it gets worse in the Cosmo section).

Speaking of the mom liking Blonda more, I could see a situation of Big Daddy being closer to Wanda while his wife is closer to Blonda, though I don’t know if it’s just a question of the girls being more similar to the respective parent thus causing this closeness or if it’s one parent favoring a twin and the other parent deciding to favor the other one to “compensate”. And if it’s the second case, not sure which parent started it.

On that note I could see Wanda working for her father’s company before deciding to become a godparent, like for a while she didn’t know what to do with her life so she helped her dad. She didn’t do any mafia-related stuff tho, she was more of an employee/manager for his cleaning service. Big Daddy was supportive of her pursuing something she feels fits her more (fairies are immortal so it’s not like he needs to have a successor, granted there’s always the chance of him being assassinated).

Meanwhile Blonda doesn’t feel the same closeness to her father so she’d rather pursue her own goals, which I could see as related to their mom in some way. Like the mom probably wasn’t a star but might have been working within the show-business industry, and Blonda got an interest in acting from her and her career was launched through her mother’s connections. Oh and even if they’re not that close, Big Daddy is also supportive of Blonda’s dreams. Mafia or not, he loves his daughters.

More things that could be said about them, maybe after his wife’s passing Big Daddy became more protective of his daughters, thus leading to have some of his higher employees keep an eye on them during their late teens, which could explain Wanda being familiar with some of them in “Big Wanda”. At the same time though he might not want to involve his girls too much into his business so he might instead ask the guys to keep their distance in order to keep his daughters safe.

And speaking of men protecting women, I could see Big Daddy have a bit of a toxic view of what a man is supposed to be like, view that he gave to his daughters growing up hence why Wanda dated a macho guy like Juandissimo before realizing she just wasn’t as into him as she thought she would be.

Note that I don’t think Juandissimo was a toxic boyfriend or anything like that. Looking back at his episodes, he’s definitely very self-centered and dramatic which is probably why Wanda got tired of him, but he has a genuinely caring side (the whole thing with him going back to Remy in particular). He does need to get the goddamn hint post-breakup though. Just move on and go date Cupid my dude. He can match your dramatics.

Last thing about Juandissimo while I’m at it, in his debut episode he seems low-key scared of Cosmo during their first interaction (at least I don’t think he was acting), so I like to think that sometime after Cosmo and Wanda started dating, Juandissimo heard about it, challenged Cosmo to a duel or something, Cosmo at first didn’t want to bc he didn’t want to go to jail but Juandissimo was able to provoke him into it, Cosmo starts the duel holding back but eventually gets angry enough to let loose. Juandissimo has been afraid of him ever since, now fully aware of the raw power these noodle arms hold.

Giving one last headcanon for Wanda, since both her and Cosmo seem to know how to fight but I don’t particularly like the idea of fairy godparents undergoing military training during their studies; I’m more into Wanda mentioning “four years at the fairy academy” in “Abra-catastrophe”, meaning those are more “regular” studies. It’s especially funny when considering if you start at 18 you become a fully-fledged godparents at 22, which checks out with Peri if he aged at the same speed as humans.

(For those asking “Operation Birthday Takeback” has Cosmo mention Vicky hurting kids “since 2001” while one of the creators confirmed New Wish took place in 2024. Plus in “Abra-catastrophe” it’s been one year since Timmy had his fairies, and “Fairly Oddbaby” takes place three seasons later. So if Timmy got his fairies in 2001, Poof/Peri was born in 2002 meaning he’d be 22 in 2024, which would check out with him going to fairy academy for four years starting at 18, at least if that’s how the academy works. Though there’s also the possibility that 2001 is when Vicky first got hired by the Turners, meaning Timmy got his fairies in 2002 and Peri is actually 21, born in 2003.)

At the same time, we know Cosmo went to military school at some point which justifies his ability to fight. So for Wanda, I’m simply going with the idea of her father giving her some self-defense training, especially given his profession. Wouldn’t want to lose his daughters the same way he did his wife.

Not sure which would be the better fighter between Cosmo and Wanda though, since I could see Big Daddy take it pretty seriously (thinking of “Most Wanted Wish” and how good Wanda is at the competition; also funny to think about how her, Cosmo and Jorgen are the last three standing when again taking the idea of godparents not having mandatory military training, meaning those three were possibly the ones with the best self-defense training). Big Daddy could even teach her some backhanded/dirty tricks that would make her more unpredictable.

Meanwhile Cosmo is Cosmo and we know he struggles to focus sometimes, but at the same time he’d have gone through a lot more training in an environment made for it. Plus he’s op as hell. So I guess which one is stronger depends on the type of fight, more specifically on whether it relies on magic or wits.

Now moving onto the Cosmo stuff, and long story short since his birth things were a mess. From his destructive nature from birth, his terrible two, Anti-Cosmo’s birth and quick rise to power, all of which led to the baby ban. On top of that, as mentioned in my baby ban post I see Cosmo as the first op fairy in a very long time, meaning his strength was a complete surprise to everyone. And with how destructive his magic is, it wasn’t a good one.

All of this would be the main reason why Mama Cosma is so protective and overbearing. Between the destruction and the baby ban, she would constantly be criticized for giving birth to Cosmo (huge fan of T4T Coswan, which means the whole “male fairies carry the baby” isn’t actually true). Hell maybe the Fairy Council tried to take him away like Jorgen does to Poof in “Fairly Oddbaby”, which would make her even more protective.

The loss of her husband wouldn’t help either. Like I could definitely see their relationship as not being exactly healthy given the kind of person Mama Cosma is (imagine Papa Cosma as one of those parents who know their spouse is a piece of shit but they try to excuse this behavior, thus enabling it), but losing him would still be a shock, especially with two kids to raise, one of which is a walking apocalypse.

On that note the way I see it, when Papa Cosma was turned into a fly, his wife ended up more focused on getting the wand back than she was in making sure her husband was still in her sights. So by the time she got Cosmo under control, she had no idea where he was. And while there would definitely be a search party, and I’m not even sure if he’ll ever be considered dead or “just” missing, ultimately the man was never seen again.

But yeah all of this led Mama Cosma to become overprotective of Cosmo, which in turn led her to neglect Schnozmo who started acting out for attention, quickly becoming a thief. And since he still wasn’t getting anything from his mom, he kept doing it until it eventually led him onto the path to become a con artist.

Now I was wondering a bit about the age difference between the two brothers as I want them to grow under the same roof for the above-mentioned headcanon of Schnozmo being neglected, but also looking at the show Schnozmo doesn’t really have anything against Cosmo, so I could see him be mature enough to realize his mom’s the problem (granted the show takes place thousands of years later so they had more than enough time to talk things out). Also with fairies being immortal, who knows what the “usual” age difference between siblings is.

So ultimately I’m going with them being about 12-13 years apart, on top of adult fairies usually staying quite a while at their parents’ home since again they’re immortal. Like at minimum a fairy would spend the first 50 years of their life living with their parents, probably longer. Peri in New Wish is an exception due to growing up as the only child in a society of adults and feeling babied by everyone (Jorgen, who is literally his boss, calls him “Peri-Weri” in “Lost in Fairy World”, like his fucking boss is babying him). So he encouraged his parents to take their vacation soon after he became an adult and quickly got his own place as well, both in an attempt to prove himself as a responsible adult.

Going back on topic, the way I see it Cosmo and Schnozmo started off very shaky. First off due to their father’s death which I’m sure Schnozmo did not take well, and it probably took a long time for him to forgive his brother for it, that is if he ever forgave him (I could see him still hold that resentment, he just doesn’t voice it).

Then you have the usual “siblings mess with each other” shenanigans which he can’t really do since his brother doesn’t even need a wand to use his magic due to how powerful he is, so good luck messing with him. I could actually see some scenarios of older teen Schnozmo allowing Cosmo to come with him meet his friends (or Mama Cosma is like “take your brother with you I need a break!”) but only if he does cool stuff with his magic for them. It would probably usually not end well, tho not in an “almost destroyed Fairy World” kind of way thankfully.

Oh and it goes without saying that whenever the two of them argue or mess with each other, Mama Cosma sides with Cosmo, which would only make Schnozmo angry and resentful. In general Schnozmo and Mama Cosma would have a very bad relationship. Given how Mama Cosma is, Schnozmo was likely already closer to his dad, but once Cosmo got in the picture and Papa Cosma was gone, it became a mess. Like I could definitely see instances of Mama Cosma being tired and stressed from watching over a baby Cosmo and taking it out on her older son, constantly ignoring his problems and needs because “can’t you see how exhausted I am having to deal with your dysfunctional brother?!”

And who knows maybe she would have considered kicking him out at some point but decided against it to hide the fact her family’s been breaking apart (keeping up appearances in front of other fairies). On that note I do think Schnozmo would go no-contact with his mom once he moves out, only popping back up in her life if he needs something. Not sure how often she’d accept though.

Going back to the brothers, I think what would change Schnozmo's view would be Cosmo’s teenage years in which his struggles with his magic would become much more obvious, making Schnozmo realize how much of a mess his brother actually is and how much he cares for Cosmo deep down, not wanting to lose him. Now ultimately a lot of their adult relationship have to do with Schnozmo using Cosmo’s kindness and naivete against him, but even then I think he’ll come through if Cosmo needs him.

And speaking of Cosmo’s teen years, Cosmo did not have a good time at school, in any grade. The adults in his life (both in and out of school) either hate him for the destruction he causes + the baby ban or fear him for his powers. His classmates wouldn’t be better, mainly being cautious about him even if he didn’t do anything (their parents would warn them to be careful around him) or some fairies would bully him until he strikes back and then play the victim, getting Cosmo in trouble since “you’re the strongest here you need to be careful!”

His intelligence would also be something he’d get picked on for, with some adults really not helping by calling him a waste of potential, talking about how powerful he is and “how much of a shame it is that so much power was given to someone so stupid who can’t use it properly”.

On that note, I honestly think Cosmo has some sort of learning disability. I mean, in his own words in “Apartnership!” the first Mama Cosma episode, “I’m not smart. Big words confuse me. I have the attention span of a rodent.” and we do see him struggle on several occasions with not understanding words in the og show. Also in “Lost and Founder’s Day” from New Wish he struggles with the spelling of a word, and in “Operation Birthday Takeback” isn’t explicitly told what Dale is doing and figures it out like 30 seconds after Wanda and Peri, with Wanda even making a comment about it (while swooning which is very cute!).

So yeah, while I see him as a prodigy when it comes to using magic (in “This is Your Wish” we see him be able to do incredible things as a kid and he’s clearly doing them on purpose without breaking a sweat), he definitely has a learning disability when it comes to academic stuff, especially when it comes to words from the looks of it.

Tbh you could make a very strong case for Cosmo being neurodivergent, especially adding in the several instances of characters telling him to focus in the og show or just the fact his main issue with magic is the way he understand wishes or the things that come through his brain. Again, in “This is Your Wish” he knows exactly what he’s doing, his train of thought is just different than what’s expected on top of him not realizing the danger of the things he creates.

Also I can’t remember the episode but I saw a scene with him and Wanda talking followed by Wanda and Timmy, and while these two talk Cosmo is just staring off into the distance, completely immobile except for the usual “fairy hovering”, seemingly zoned out. And unlike other instances of him doing that I’m pretty sure it wasn’t a joke in that scene.

So yeah, this man’s probably neurodivergent hence him using his magic in an “unconventional” way, on top of having a learning disability that causes him to struggle with words and be slow to process some information if it’s not explicitly said to him. And when you have those struggles paired with the ability to bend reality to your will by accident, it’s hard.

Another thing about school which would be eerie for him is the fact that he’d start first grade in a school full of fairies, and by the end of middle-school there’s only a single grade left since he’s the last fairy born. So the last year of school he would walk through empty halls and classrooms, meeting teachers who constantly worry about finding new jobs what with the school clearly about to close. This would probably be something that he wouldn’t be picked up for but is still a constant reminder that he’s the reason fairies can’t have kids anymore.

By the way small word about ages but the way I see it the second youngest fairy before Cosmo would be between a week and a few months older (depend if the Fairy World population is in the thousands or the millions), so there are fairies around Cosmo’s age.

And since I’m at it I’ve seen screenshots from an episode showing him and Cupid being in high school together, and I also headcanon him and Wanda as having a bit of an age gap, for example Cosmo being 93 and Wanda 132 years old when they met, something along those lines. So in my headcanon Cosmo and Wanda didn’t go to school together but Cosmo and Cupid did. Also Wanda and Juandissimo were high-school sweethearts, meaning they’re around the same age (tbh I wouldn’t be surprised if the episode showing Cosmo and Cupid also had Wanda at their school but even if that’s the case I’m choosing to ignore it here).

Getting into Cosmo’s teen years, it was though. The bullying and feelings of inadequacy were starting to pile up, along with him fully realizing what “you accidentally killed your father, destroyed Fairy World and probably killed a few fairies doing so, and even though you were a baby at that time who had no idea what he was doing we still think it’s your fault we can’t have babies anymore” truly means. Like the sheer weight of such information must be devastating. Add to it the mess that are teenage hormones and you get someone in a very bad mental space.

Now to give some explanation about my headcanons for magical backup since I’m about to mention it a few times, in “Fairy For a Day” from New Wish, the music fairy makes a comment saying “keep granting each other wishes”, something like that.

So my idea is that magical backup is something every single fairy can suffer from if they don’t use magic to help others for an extended period of time. I would say “if they don’t use magic period other than stuff like teleportation, floating and shape-shifting (aka anything they can do without wands)” but in that case I feel like magical backup wouldn’t be an issue in the slightest. So yeah instead we’re going with them having to help others, especially since in “OddPirates” Wanda wishes to Poof at some point to help him learn, showing fairies can wish to other fairies.

All this to say fairies help each other out in small ways, and if they don’t they fucking die. And considering Cosmo and Wanda seem almost unable to refuse granting their godchildren wishes (at least in the og show, in New Wish you almost never have the “wand deflating” thing because they know beforehand they can’t grant those wishes), on top of scenes like the one in “Apartnership!” when Timmy says “I wish” and dozens of fairies show up, I could see it as fairies being able to refuse wishing for another fairy but being completely unable to do so when a miserable human child does, for reasons I’m too lazy to figure out (probably something about their society needing humans to function to some extent thus having fairies evolve in a way that they need to help humans).

Also I have no idea if magical backup would spread quicker if a fairy has more magic. I guess it’s worth pointing out that for both instances of Cosmo and Wanda getting it, Cosmo was first and it evolved quicker, but then again Wanda wasn’t too far behind. So idk, maybe it does?

Going back to Cosmo, during his teenage years and early adulthood, he would very often suffer the early symptoms of magical backup (confetti + vomiting the way I see it), sometimes worse, due to him refusing to use his magic in fear of hurting other people. In some instances he might even make comments about how Fairy World would be better off without him. Btw this is basically when I see Schnozmo realize just how terrible his brother feels and start being nicer to him. But yeah, Cosmo was in a very bad place as a teen, which continued in early adulthood.

(Side note but him having magical backup so many times could explain him not taking it too seriously at first in the og show, with him pretending to have it for a few seconds to mess with Wanda.)

And throughout all of this Mama Cosma was supportive, telling him there was nothing wrong with him and the others were messing with him and that he should use his magic in small ways if only to keep himself safe...until she didn’t and sent him to boot camp as soon as he was of age.

I like to think that this is when Cosmo started detaching himself from his mom. Just seeing her go overnight from “I love you just the way you are” to “everybody else was right and I’ve been thinking of you as a problem since your birth, I just didn’t want to deal with making you sad” would be a massive betrayal in his eyes.

Note that I believe Mama Cosma sending him to military training is actually a good thing, and pretty much the one good thing that woman did in the show. Given how much destruction we see Cosmo cause, and since as far as we know there aren’t exactly places that could provide the help he needs, a place with strict rules and monitored by potentially very powerful fairies could be the second-best thing to teach him what not to use his magic for.

Btw if you’re wondering I think the best thing for Cosmo would be to have a place where he can use his magic in whatever way he wants without putting anyone or anything at risk. More on that later actually. Second best would be to give him a wand restricting his magic but also I don’t think it would feel good to have something blocking what is supposed to feel natural for you, so it might not be a good solution actually…

In any case, having Mama Cosma reveal she’s been unhappy with her son’s powers this whole time, meaning she’s been lying to him this whole time, would hurt a lot, causing Cosmo to start drawing away from her. On top of that he was now almost an adult so it was also natural for him to seek some independence, even while still living under her roof.

Now onto Cosmo and Wanda’s early relationship (no idea how to make a transition here).

First off, I’m going with the backstory in which the two of them met at a diner, except neither of them were teenagers in my version. As mentioned before Cosmo would be in his late 90s and Wanda around early 130s.

And since I don’t think I mention it anywhere else in this post, I’m going with the headcanon of Cosmo being 10 000 years old during the og show, with him and Wanda being married for 9 895 years as of “Apartnership!” (that’s the number, right?). Which is also why Cosmo is in his late 90s when meeting Wanda, since it means he’d be 105 when they get married (or around that age if you consider that Cosmo is probably not exactly 10 000 years old in the show, rather something like 10 014 for example).

Cosmo would land himself a job as a waiter since he doesn’t need to use magic for it. He’d even let his wand home to further reassure his boss that he’s not doing any magic. He and Wanda meet when Wanda and Blonda come to the place to hang out. Wanda realizes he’s cute and finds herself surprised by it since as mentioned before she was raised with a toxic view of what a man is supposed to be like.

(More specifically I could see Blonda as being the one pointing him out and he accidentally spills a drink on her or something, causing Wanda to be like “oh you’re right sis I like him”.)

Wanda would convince him to go out with her, intrigued by that shy boyfailure trying his best, and during that hangout Cosmo would be pretty closed off, not using any magic partly because he didn’t bring his wand, offhandedly mentioning he got magical backup dozens of times, and by the end of it he’d be like “you’re very smart and pretty and spending time with you was very fun but it’s probably best if we don’t see each other again”.

After the “date” Wanda would talk about it to Blonda who’d probably mock her sister for scaring the guy away. Big Daddy would overhear some of the conversation and recognize Cosmo’s name as the infamous last fairy born whose terrible two almost caused the apocalypse. Wanda and Blonda would be flabbergasted because “dad that guy’s a complete wimp, what do you mean he’s one of the strongest fairies?!” and Wanda would quickly catch onto the fact that this sweet guy is considered a menace, goes around without a wand and has magical backup on the regular, all of which are not good signs.

She’d manage to convince Cosmo to meet her to talk and would just ask him if he’s okay, if he needs someone to talk to. And I could see Cosmo being very taken aback by it, like when he shows up Wanda says she knows about him being the last baby born so he’d immediately assume she’s here to tell him to stay away from her. But no she’s just worried for him and wants to offer some comfort. And with Cosmo at that point having lost trust in his mom, the only person he thought was in his corner, he’d open up to Wanda.

So the two of them would start spending time together, as friends since Cosmo clearly isn’t in the proper state to think about dating right now, though I like to think Wanda was pursuing him a little, if only making him know she’d be interested. But anyways Wanda would quickly catch onto the fact Cosmo never has his wand when they’re together and whenever she suggests he uses hers because it worries her to see him never do magic, he’d refuse, saying it’s safer that way.

Then one day while hanging out Cosmo gets the early signs of magical backup and Wanda doesn’t know what worries her most, seeing him have it or how calm he is about it, which shows how used to it he is. Doesn’t help that he’d insist she brings him home rather than have him use her wand to get rid of it immediately before it gets worse.

That would be the last straw for Wanda who would go to the people her dad works with (her “uncles”) to ask if they know any place where one could use their magic in possibly destructive ways without consequences. And one of them would tell her about the Hocus Poconos, a place where goes all the un-granted wishes from human children. As a result the place is pretty chaotic to begin with and nobody cares what happens to those wishes so it’s fully unsupervised.

So Wanda would waste no time telling Cosmo about that place, convincing him to bring his wand this time around, and after a lot of hesitation and some small wishes he’d start getting more comfortable and unleash his powers, growing visibly more confident. And dumb small note but seeing Cosmo in his element and visibly confident in himself is when Wanda sees him go from cute to hot.

In any case Cosmo would be incredibly grateful and start coming to the Hocus Poconos regularly on his own, feeling a sense of freedom in being able to unleash as much magic as he can while also finding himself loving kids’ imagination, which eventually leads him onto the path to become a godparent.

For Wanda, it’s after seeing Cosmo get better that she realizes how much she enjoys helping others and offer companionship and could see it become her profession. Also maybe the fact the Fairy Council wouldn’t be too keen on letting Cosmo on earth without supervision could influence it as well (meanwhile everyone would think they’re allowed to work together due to being a couple), but then again I don’t want it to be a “she chose this work solely for Cosmo” type of situation.

Same with her helping him with his confidence btw, hence me saying he’d go back to Hocus Poconos on his own. While Cosmo would definitely gush about Wanda saving his life, she didn’t “fix” him or anything like that. She was someone he could talk about his problems to and offered suggestions for things she thought could help him, but he still was the one who had to follow through on his own. And whenever Wanda had issues of her own, he’d return the favor, being there to comfort and help her.

And about him saying Wanda saved his life, after a while of using his magic more and more often, he’d think about how, if he hadn’t met someone like her to encourage him to use his magic without being afraid, he’d probably have either died of magical backup or from its side effects from having it too often. At the same time I’m not going to say “him thinking this is why he fell in love with Wanda” because again I don’t want to fall into the trap of a character “fixing” another or putting them on a pedestal.

Back on topic, having a place to spend his magic would do wonders for Cosmo’s self-esteem, giving him space to try new things, make mistakes or even just create a black hole or two if he feels like it. That doesn’t mean he’d suddenly be completely fine, he’d still feel self-conscious about people hating him for his magic (and tbh just looking at the og show Cosmo comes off as deeply insecure at times, so yeah he’s not suddenly all happy), but it would definitely put him into a better mental state.

Also, feeling more confident he’d start to reciprocate Wanda’s flirting, pursuing her back. And yeah as a result it would be one of those relationships where you significant other is also your best friend.

As for the “speed” of their relationship, I could see the transition from friends to lovers as being a bit slow due to them wanting to make sure this is truly what they both want and not just Cosmo lashing onto the first person he trusts, plus Wanda’s family life is dangerous so she wants Cosmo to make sure he knows what he’s getting himself into. But once their relationship gets serious there’s no stopping it.

And speaking of stopping it, Mama Cosma would notice that her son isn’t having magical backup anymore, causing him to tell her it’s thanks to a girl he’s into, even invite Wanda to dinner so she can meet his mom. Mama Cosma would not be happy about it and would be incredibly passive-aggressive during their meeting, with Wanda keeping the visit short as a result and Cosmo being pretty unhappy seeing how insistent his mom is that he shouldn’t date anyone.

On that note Mama Cosma could be another reason why they took it slow at first, Wanda made it clear she wasn’t having any “mamma’s boy” bullshit. It’s a bit more complicated during the events of the og show since it’s been a long time since Cosmo saw his mom and he believes (and promises to Wanda it’s the case) that his mom’s just being a bit protective due to how long it’s been. Then one day it turns out she was being verbally abusive when babysitting Peri and Cosmo cut contact again and profusely apologized to Wanda for letting his mom talk so much shit about her.

But yeah Cosmo would probably have many fights with his mom about it, Mama Cosma claiming it’s only a matter of time before Cosmo does something to scare Wanda away with his magic and how she’s the only one who can watch over him, while Cosmo is throwing in her face the fact she sent him to military school while Wanda loves him the way he is and is trying to help him in a much more constructive way.

I could actually see those arguments as a bit of a surprise to Mama Cosma because not only does Cosmo find his mom intimidating meaning he usually doesn’t speak out against her, but in general Mama Cosma would be used to getting her way, especially with him. The fact Cosmo is much more powerful than her would also bother her because she can’t just force him to go to his room or anything else. And if he does something to leave the conversation, she can’t stop him. So yeah those arguments wouldn’t be pretty.

And eventually, when Cosmo has to make the choice, he decides to chose Wanda, eloping in secret and never having any contact with his mom, at least until the events of the og show. There would likely be times when he deeply misses her but he remembers why he left home and that’s enough to keep him away.

For Wanda, she never straight up told her father that her and Cosmo were dating, she made it sound like they were nothing more than friends and if anything she works with Cosmo to “supervise” him (in Big Daddy’s first appearance we learn Wanda writes him letters so the two are still in touch). Big Daddy still wouldn’t be too happy about it tho, especially later on during the og show when he learns that they are a couple.

His issues with it are that 1. Cosmo isn’t exactly the height of masculinity so Big Daddy can’t help but look down on him for not being manly enough (I actually like to think this is why he believed Wanda’s lie that they weren’t a couple; he couldn’t conceive the possibility of Wanda dating such a guy) and 2. He remembers Cosmo’s Terrible Two very well and is worried about him hurting Wanda with his magic. Especially since him being a mafia boss means his daughter already got a target on her back, he doesn’t want her to be in even more risk.

(Note that Wanda was already a late teen/adult when Cosmo’s terrible two happened, so she at least heard of it and saw some of the consequences, but she likely didn’t see the worst of it; like maybe Big Daddy lives pretty far from the city center of Fairy World and had his daughters stay home during Cosmo’s terrible two while he was forced to continue working, hence seeing more than his girls)

(And if it needs to be said Big Daddy’s issues with Cosmo not being masculine enough have nothing to do with transphobia. Big Daddy would be fully accepting of Wanda and possibly Blonda (if they’re identical twins) being trans women and couldn’t care less about what Cosmo has in his pants. His problem is that Cosmo isn’t muscular, cries easily, is a bit of a cowards, and likes to wear stereotypically feminine clothing sometimes, none of which is related to Cosmo being trans.)

Ultimately he’s not as openly hostile as Mama Cosma but he definitely acts like Cosmo isn’t here when seeing him. And whenever Wanda comes to visit her dad, he doesn’t mention Wanda’s love life in any way and brushes it off quickly if Wanda does, or he shifts the conversation towards his grandson instead once Peri’s born. Note that I see Wanda as visiting her father without Cosmo, mainly for Cosmo’s safety because mafia.

Oh and Cosmo never met the guy before the og show but he did know who he was from hearing about him from Wanda + possibly knowing his company’s name. Wanda would have also warned him about the mafia part hence why Cosmo is so nervous and visibly scared of the guy in the show. He might not be the brightest bulb but he understands the danger this man brings with him.

Finishing this post with a few words about Poof/Peri, when Cosmo was pregnant he would have had some worries over how powerful the kid would end up being, wishing to protect his baby from the emotional mess he went through. And while the kid is more powerful than average, Cosmo was infinitely relieved to see Peri remains much weaker than him.

That’s not to say it’s all sunshine and rainbows, again I go further into it in the baby ban post but the short version is that the Fairy Council is keeping an eye on Peri on account of being Cosmo’s son, including giving him a wand that reduces his magic despite him technically not needing it.

Cosmo isn’t the biggest fan of that wand but he’d rather have this than Peri going through hell for being too powerful. Meanwhile Wanda’s getting tired of Fairy World punching down on her boys. On that note once fairies realized the baby ban wasn’t going away anytime soon and started to hate on the Fairywinkle-Cosmas, Coswan quickly decided they’d move out of Fairy World once Peri’s old enough to take care of himself, hence the 10 000 years vacation followed by them “moving” to the human world.

(Note that they would invite Peri to their vacation + send him postcards + look for him after coming back, it’s just that Peri refused to go so he could have some time for himself + turned off the wand location thing, probably also left a message at home saying he found a job and is doing fine, hence why they weren’t too worried for him)

That being said (the wand restriction thing) I could definitely see Peri at some point hurting someone at spellementary school (which would be before he got his wand change) and deciding not to use his magic anymore, leading to him and Cosmo having a heart-to-heart about their magics.

Tbh this could also be a reason why Peri seems closer to Cosmo, maybe they bonded over being deemed too powerful. That being said Cosmo wouldn’t tell his son the extent of his situation, not wanting to worry him. Especially since he’d be doing much better now and is genuinely happy so there’s no point dwelling on the bad parts of his past.

[moominmanoneandonly]

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