#this post reminded me to take my allergy meds

[444meat]

this post is a bit long but please read it if you do not have a sleep disorder, more specifically if you don't have a circadian rhythm disorder, i need y'all to understand something

i never thought i would have to write this, but yes, sleep disorders can be incredibly disabling. my sleep disorder is a disability.

i had to drop out of highschool as soon as i was legally able to do so. i had health issues my entire life, both physical and mental, but the brunt of my physical health issues started when i was fourteen. i had to repeat grades and certain classes due to frequent absences. by the time i was sixteen, i could not attend school without a manual wheelchair. as a young adult now, i can't leave my house without a powerchair if i'll be expected to walk more than five minutes, and even then, it's much better for me to just use one unless it's totally impossible. on top of that, i experience flu-like symptoms that make leaving my house extraordinarily difficult. by the time i dropped out, these symptoms were disabling enough to keep me home, though they were not as bad as they are now.

i bring this up to point out that i am otherwise physically disabled, and to carry on to say that these symptoms were not the driving factor to me dropping out. living in a major city, there is a significant chance that i could have found a school to attend which could accommodate me. it would not be easy and i would still have a much harder time than other students, but it would be an avenue worth exploring. i would be able to try it. considering my financial situation, i would have been able to afford a private school. i could do online schooling. there were options.

because of my sleep disorder, we literally could not even look.

my waking hours vary wildly from day to day. sometimes for weeks at a time i will wake up after sunset and fall asleep after the sun has risen. i've had weeks where my sleep schedule more closely resembled friends i had made on the other side of the world than people i knew in person. even then, i cannot properly adjust to being awake at night, because there are also times when i'm awake on a seemingly normal schedule.

i briefly attended an asynchronous online school before dropping out. it was the best one i could access. it was awful. the lessons were bad, the teachers were bad, the work was bad... not even only in quality. there was a lot of ableism and other bigotries that demoralised me. because i couldn't attend the virtual classes due to my sleep schedule, i also fell behind academically, and because of my other health issues, i didn't have the energy to catch up.

making doctors appointments is terrifying because i never know what my sleep schedule will be like when the time comes. most doctors in my area are extremely booked. i've missed a rheumatology appointment and had to reschedule for six months in the future, and because i had to stop taking my pain meds from GI side effects and my allergy meds stopped working, i had to go without any medication that entire time. i physically cannot force myself to wake up without getting enough sleep because my body is fragile and i will start experiencing severe & unbearable symptoms of my other disorders. these cannot be pushed through. i cannot even try.

the "best doctor" for circadian rhythm issues in my area — a major city, might i remind you — only takes patients during early morning hours. this is not a joke. despite the most common circadian rhythm disorder causing people to wake up late and fall asleep late, the guy who is the "best" for treating them doesn't see people after 11 am. it is easier for me to maintain a 'wake up at 3pm, fall asleep at 6am' schedule than a 'wake up at 3am, fall asleep at 6pm' schedule. i cannot see this doctor. when i briefly managed one appointment with his secretary, she just told me to set an alarm and fall asleep at the same time every day. that was all of her advice. like i have not tried that.

as far as i'm aware, there is a single medicine approved to treat the condition i have. last time i checked, it costs something like three thousand US dollars a month. 6 times as much as my old heart meds, which were already very difficult to get covered, even with really good health insurance. the meds supposedly take months to even start working.

i had a delayed sleep wake rhythm my entire life and ran on very little sleep to get to school, to the point that i started uncontrollably falling asleep at school after my health issues started and necessitated more energy than my body had. my sleep cycle started moving forwards as it does now when i was sixteen. before i stopped attending, i would frequently attend school on 0 hours of sleep, get home, and fall asleep immediately.

the world is not built for people with circadian rhythm disorders. my sleep disorder makes functioning on a normative level impossible.

i NEED people without sleep disorders to stop treating this like it's some funky and low stakes thing to deal with. i am so tired of having people tell me they 'wish they could be nocturnal' or that they 'love staying up all night' when i tell them about my sleep disorder. you DO NOT want this, and this is VERY DIFFERENT from occasionally staying up late for fun. yes, being awake during nighttime hours can be freeing. it stops being freeing when you have no choice on the matter, have to be socially isolated for weeks on end, cannot reliably schedule doctors appointments, cannot attend school or work any job with specific hours, cannot maintain an eating schedule or a schedule for taking medication because you're never awake at normal times, etc etc etc.

and it's not as simple as taking melatonin. when i take melatonin it stops working after two uses and the times it does work i get at most 3 hours of non-restorative sleep and my sleep schedule either goes back to what it was before the next day or gets significantly worse much faster than it normally would. it's not as simple as not using screens. i've been in settings without screens for months and still had it happen. i've lied down for 8 hours trying to sleep and failed. there is no easy fix. this is how my body works.

yes it's a disability. no you don't want it. it's not a quirky character trait. think before you speak please.

a note: this is not intended to state that being otherwise disabled is not also a valid or genuine reason for dropping out of school. there's a good chance i would've had to drop out anyways, and i can't attend school now with how my symptoms have progressed, regardless of the sleep schedule. i wanted to illustrate how the combination of a sleep disorder and other chronic illness makes my life significantly more difficult and how it reduces my access to accommodations and care.

[trevorendeavors]

So. That Florida Bathroom Bill, huh?

TW: bathroom bills, transphobia, internalized transphobia.

I ain’t beating around the bush. I will be using strong language here. If that ain’t your cup of tea or if you’re just here for my usual brand of gay fanart and fic, it’s okay to scroll past this post. Really. I won’t judge. This is one doozy of a vent.

For the people in my DMs asking me if I’m okay (as a trans person in Florida considering recent bathroom bill bullshit) I’m just… sitting here with an exasperated sigh.

It’s funny that the first time I hear of this is from a DM from someone on the other side of the world. I’ve been deliberately avoiding lgbt Florida news for some time because the more I think about it, the harder it is to be civil in transphobic conversations.

Last night I was deadnamed in front of a few people, and today at my graduation I’ll likely be deadnamed in front of a whole convention center. That’s what I get for not changing my name legally, huh. Oh well. Didn’t wanna go through all the paperwork just yet (in case I go for a different name) so I’m stuck with the one I’m sure I don’t want.

So again, I try not to think about it.

But yeah. It sucks.

Honestly? The bathroom bill doesn’t change much for me. It’s still the same shit as always.

The one time I went into the men’s restroom, I freaked out a cis guy so badly (poor dude was genuinely scared of ME accusing HIM of something bad) that I never did that again.

As for women’s restrooms (the one I most frequently use) that’s a whole other deal. Most days, I don’t pass. I’ll just go out and say that. I have a high voice, boobs, and a bit of hips. Some days I dress really feminine too, so it only makes sense. No one here is going to buy “see I LOOK like a woman but no see I’m secretly a ‘man but not quite’ inside but I wear makeup as a kind of exaggerated cosplay of a gender I am NOT, y’see?”

I don’t want to have a nuanced discussion of gender in the bathroom. Most people 30+ in age don’t even know what non-binary is and barely get the concept of trans. As much as I love being and educator and advocate, after a long road trip I want to piss and get on with my life. Also cis men have told me the horror stories of male bathrooms (how do you get shit ON the ceiling????) and then I’m thankful to have been “born a woman” or whatever.

Most days I don’t think about it too hard. But on my more dysphoric days or when on the blessed days I do genuinely pass more masc - when I go into the bathroom looking like this:

I genuinely don’t know which bathroom to use.

It’s embarrassing. Especially when there’s no family restroom available. And when I go to the women’s restroom, I sometimes get these looks. Brief, surreptitious glances they think I don’t notice. To ease tensions, I lift my pitch and give a compliment. I even puff out my (binded) breasts slightly as if to say, “Yes, I have tits and a pussy, does that soothe your cisnormative and petty fears that I would assault you?”

Jesus, some days I wish I could say that quote outright. But I can’t, and I know it’s not fair to them. They’re scared, I get it. I remind them of a traumatic experience. Sometimes, certain people who have nothing to do a trauma invoke fears of it unintentionally by raising their voices or saying something off or even existing. But that’s MY responsibility to fucking deal with that. Other people can’t help existing.

By and large, people with transphobic tendencies here are usually nice. Beyond, nice even. They’ll help you host a spontaneous ice cream party. They’ll buy you allergy meds when you’re choking. They’ll take you in after your mother kicked you out. Like I said, genuinely sweet and kind people.

Which makes it harder when they accuse trans people of transitioning to skirt military drafts, to cheat at sports, to deal with mommy issues. When they equate gays to sex crimes (yes, the ones you’re thinking of). When they refuse to call you your full name. When they call you a baby who refuses to clean her pooped diapers.

I try to be nice. But by god, is my patience waning…

By. Fucking. god.

I’m tired of the way it’s affected me. Making me feel worth less than cis folks, like my feelings matter less. Even worse, I hate how it makes me jealous and spiteful towards younger trans folks in better situations. Younger trans folk I don’t understand. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not an excuse to mistreat them the way I was mistreated. And I’m genuinely glad that they’re living a better life. I have to work on these thoughts, it’s my responsibility. It would be nice, though, to live in a world where I could devote more energy to celebrating our collective existence instead of surviving it.

That being said, I’m grateful for the people here and in person who have stuck by my guns. The people who check in on my when shit gets worse in terms of politics.

What helps most?

What really helps is when people get mad WITH me. For so long I was told my anger was something to be stowed away, to be quietly extinguished with calm words or relieved by some masturbatory exercise of civil discourse. You know. Where you get off to talking civilly but don’t actually get anywhere and you still have to live in a world that was just as transphobic as before. I just want people to be pissed WITH me. To share in my anger and frustration. To join me as I slam the desk, flip the table, and cry to the heavens,

This fucking sucks

Right now this matters to me even more than action. These check ins, sharing in my anger - it helps, it really does. Makes me feel less alone in the world.

[shmoppop]

Crescente (pt. 1)

(Stargate fic I wrote at 3am with g/t and some of my fave characters) (also posted on my Qoutev)

  "Dial us home, Daniel." Colonel O'Neill proclaimed, the man standing next to the DHD as he turned his attention towards the marveling man.  

  "Yessir." The shaggy blonde replied, pulling his gaze away from the huge flowers that were more brightly colored than he'd ever thought possible for plant life. Punching in Earth's address on the engraved buttons, the chevrons lit up as they locked in their location. 

  Rubbing his itching nose, Daniel looked back at the team, Sam standing besides Teal'c. Turning towards Jack once the wormhole formed, the four made their way back over to the Gate which appeared dwarfed by the upscaled backdrop of the unusual planet. 

 Hammond had put the planet on the list for exploration, and once the MALP came back with a video feed of huge bugs half the size of the rover itself, Jackson and Carter practically begged the General for permission to go. The planet itself was not much larger than Earth from the estimations, and sustained a livable atmosphere for human and humanoid life. Which did not come as a surprise, all of the planets with Stargates on them were habitable to humans in one way or another. 

  Upon arriving, the team were astounded by the gargantuan scale of the flora from 92X-393; flowers larger and taller than apartment buildings, trees more massive than the low cloud cover of the forest like planet. No intelligent life had been recorded, which left the team wondering why there were not inhabitants. Speculating was half the fun, Jackson thought when they first entered the portal to 29X. 

 Now he wanted off more so than O'Neill did when they went to the other planets. His allergies had been nothing short of horrible after a grand time period of about ten minutes. Perhaps giant sized plants and flowers meant giant sized allergies, the scientist was a mess, his nose running and sneezing every few minutes. 

  "Remind me to bring you a spare lil' box of tissues." Jack chuckled, patting the disheveled linguist on the back as they stepped through the wormhole back to Stargate Command. 

 - 

  "Dr. Jackson?" Hammond tore the man from his thoughts, Daniel looking up at the General with a look of apology. "Sorry, sir. My head has been fuzzy since we got home." Daniel said, taking off his glasses and pinching the bridge of his nose as Sam looked at the blonde.  

  "Allergies." She guessed, Teal'c quietly looking at Jackson for a moment. "You've had these ailments since we arrived there, Jackson. Perhaps you should see Dr. Frasier." He spoke in his usual monotone manner. 

 "I agree. Usually you're up and at-em by now." Jack added, Hammond giving a nod of agreement as he sat back in his chair. 

 "I'm fine. I just need to take some allergy meds and I'll be fine. Nothing new." Daniel said with a wave of his hand as he put his glasses back on.  "I'll get some from Frasier." The young man added after a look from both Sam and Hammond. 

 "You may feel fine, but who's to say that you may be more severely allergic to something. Your face is a little pink." Sam pointed out, the woman looking at her friend.

 "Indeed. You look different." Teal'c said as Daniel looked at the Jaffa and woman with a subtle look of resignation. 

 "Fine." Daniel said after a moment, Jack shrugging towards the man as Hammond got up from his seat at the head of the table. The General had called a de-briefing shortly after their arrival home. They had taken back a few samples of dirt for their teams to catalog and store. Hammond was particularly interested in how the flora could get so big.

  Having taken a reading of the atmospheric levels once they had arrived, the team were surprised that the oxygen level was nearly thrice the amount they'd found on Earth. The levels themselves indicated readings closer to the oxygen levels of pre modern historical Earth. It was interesting and all, though by the time that SG-1 had showered, changed, and discussed what they'd encountered, Jackson's skull felt like it was splitting. Hardly paying attention by the end of the meeting, Daniel left as soon as he was permissed much to the others' worry. 

  Making his way down the steps down stairs and through the ugly concrete walls of the Stargate Command beneath Cheyenne Mountain, Dr. Jackson winced to himself. His migraine was no surprise with his allergy attacks previously. He knew he'd get sneezey and congested, amd after that like clock work he would get a migraine that would be gone by the next morning. Though this headache was chewing at a different spot- no- all over - which wasn't normal.

  Squeezing his eyes shut for a moment to try and ebb the throbbing pain throughout his skull, the man pulled the door open as he entered the infirmary. 

 "Janet." Daniel greeted, the brown haired doctor as he carefully sat on one of the empty examination beds. The missions had proven to be wrote successful, which was a relief, given they had Apophis breathing down their necks. 

  "Hi, Daniel." She replied flippantly, walking over to him. "Hammond said your allergies were bugging you again?" She started, tossing her old gloves in the trash before putting on a pair of sterile ones. Turning back to the blonde, the woman quickly darted over in alarm. "Daniel?" She said, her brow creasing in worry at seeing the archaeologist laying on the bed with his eyes squeezed shut. 

   "My head. It's killing me, Janet. It's not like a usual migraine or allergy congestion headache." Daniel muttered, his arm snaking over his eyes to shield from the blinding florescent lights overhead. 

  "Okay. Just keep a steady breathing and try not to move too badly." She said, her tone growing increasingly worried, "Can you move your head back?"

 "It's not meningitis." Daniel said flatly, Dr. Frasier pulling away for a tick at his change in attitude. "...Sorry." He whispered after a moment as he peaked at her under his arm with a grimace.  

 "Alright-" She continued before Daniel let out a cry of pain, his hands flying up to hold his head as he sat bolt upright. 

 "Daniel? Hey- I need you to tell me what's happening." Frasier said, startled by the outcry as she rushed to grab him a syringe with twenty five milligrams of morphine to sedate and calm the man.  

  "My head, Frasier, fuck my head!" Daniel sobbed, curling into a fetal position as he sat at foot of the bed. 

  "I know, Daniel. I need you to work with me here." Janet said in a grunt, attempting to get the man to scoot back and lay down so she could administer the pain killer effectively.

  Quickly injecting the drug once she managed to get the linguist to stop shaking for a few moments, Jackson looked at her for a beat as he went unconscious from the sudden adrenaline release and thereafter sedation of morphine. 

 -

  Waking to find Sam and O'Neill standing beside his bedside talking to Dr. Frasier, Dr. Jackson quietly watched them for a moment. His entire body ached like he had just ran a marathon through pudding, his limbs felt like they weighed a thousand pounds each, his hair hurt, everything hurt. 

 His mind was still swimming in pain from what he could tell, his vision was blurry and the throbbing was still present in his temples but for the present, Jackson stayed comfortably unaware. Clearing his throat, Jackson looked up at them. 

 "You okay, kid? Frasier called us and said you started loosing it over your head." Jack said, the graying man never the best with formalities, but always meaning the best which was what Daniel only cared about for the time being instead of correcting him. 

 "Yeah," Jackson croaked, Clearing his throat again as he rubbed his nose, "Allergies are still bugging me." He said, Frasier making a face. 

 "Still bugging you? You have the equivalent to kill a small child from what Janet's told us." Jack said, Sam giving the Colonel a look.

  Giving a nod in reply, Jackson rubbed his eyes quietly as he brushed back his hair. "How long was I out?" He asked eventually as Sam came over to his bedside. 

 "About 45 minutes. You sure you're okay? Dr. Frasier is running your blood work to see if anything of this has to do with 29X-393." The blonde woman said, looking over the man for a moment with a concerned glance. 

 "Besides this headache, I feel fine." Daniel said, failing to tell her the pure sore and achiness that was spreading and overpowering the morphine. 

 Unconvinced, Sam gave a reluctant nod as she pat his shoulder fondly. "The Colonel, Teal'c, and I have to go to a meeting with SG-4 to brief them on 29X. We'll be back." She said, O'Neill giving Jackson a wave as he walked out. Nodding quietly, Daniel waved back as the two left. 

  Closing his eyes, Frasier came back as she checked his pupils with one of her flashlights. 

 "Ah- fuck, Doctor." Daniel gasped at the blinding light inches away from his sensitive eyes. 

 "Sorry, but you pupil dilation is normal, given your circumstance. How are you feeling?" She asked, checking his lymph nodes as the man gave her a so-so gesture with his hand. 

  "Shitty." Jackson admitted as he slowly sat up, feeling top heavy yet a million pounds regardless. 

  Looking at the man in surprise, she ushered him to lay back down. "Not so fast, last thing I need you doing is passing out." She said, looking him over.  

-

 By then, it was late in the afternoon and Daniel still felt sick, though this time around, he felt like his body was on fire. Frasier had left to get the lab results and Jackson felt a tingle crawl up his spine, first it was small, then the tingle grew from just that- a tingle- to full blown waves of burning hot ripples through his muscles and bones as he let out a jagged gasp. 

 "Frasier!" He called, the waves of fire growing more constant as his cheeks grew warm. Groaning quietly, the pain eased which left the blonde gasping for air, his lungs feeling squeezed in his ribcage before being let go as he trembled. 

  Letting out another cry of pain, the man sat up, panting in agony as he looked down at the white bedsheets, shaking from the effort to not vomit. Looking at his shaking hands, the man's eyes grew wide in horror as he watched the flesh of his hands turn a dark purple for a moment before a sense of dead filled him.

 "Frasier!" He yelled again, this time his voice high with panic as he watched his hands seem to enlarge before his eyes. Letting out a rattling breath, Jackson felt like he was in some sick dream as the numbing sensation spread from his hands to his arms, to his chest and running down his legs. 

 Running down the hall, Frasier quickly opened the door to the infirmary, one of the stationed guards telling her Jackson had been urgently calling for her. As the woman entered, she fell dead in her tracks, staring at the man infront of her. Daniel had grown nearly a foot since she'd left. 

 "Frasier? What's happening to me?" Daniel asked in panic, his voice shaking as was his expanding body. Looking down at the sound of fabric stretching, the man got up, his head shooting towards the ceiling as his shirt clung to his growing chest.

"Frasier?" Jackson said, struggling not to have a panic attack as the woman stared up at the archaeologist is horror. This was something out of science fiction novels: not reality. Certainly not in her own lifetime. 

  Getting to his knees to avoid the light fixtures hanging from the ceiling, Daniel was loosing space, the seams of his shirt splitting as his pants. Letting out a pained grunt, Jackson quickly grabbed the blanket from his bed, throwing it over his hips as he outgrew his clothes.

  "Help me! Janet, help me!" The blonde said, sounding on the verge of tears as his shoulders grew taller than the frame of the viewing windows a story above the infirmary floor.

 Regaining herself, Janet ignored every rational thought in her mind to high tail it out of there as she jumped over the expanding leg nearing her direction. Running over to the red lock down button on the wall, Janet slammed her fist against it as the compound went into lock down. Grabbing the phone on the desk, she quickly dialed the number of General Hammond's office. 

"H-Hammond! It's Dr. Jackson, sir... No, he isn't fine! Sir- Dr. Jackson is going through some kind of hyper growth! I need backup in here!" She said frantically as she looked up at the agonized man, his giant hands flying to cover his ears at the blaring alarms to block out the terrible sound.

[hell-heron]

Ok so. The complaints masterpost bc I won't be sleeping OR writing my thesis today very obviously lmaoooo

The premise is: the kids aged 7-13 roughly of people who work for a certain company have a convention to go on a 14 days camp in the mountains which is organised according to an American college admissions officer's idea of wellroundedness even though no such thing exists here. So we have like 5-8 activities a day many of which are recurring/are trying for some sort of end result for example there's a 'film class' where we're attempting to wrangle our 40 tweens into all appearing in a 4 minute videoclip set to a The Family Madrigal filk. The amount of 'yesss show us the unique talent which you surely have and are comfortable performingggg' of everything is overwhelming. The wellroundedness anxiety clusterfuck timetable is theoretically varied and well split but actually everything that isn't about sports or performing is heavily sacrificed for the sake of logistics and the film project. I'm really hating the film project because the main task Is getting the other 35 to shut up while a small group is filming their talent and i feel like a prison guard.

Obviously this age range is insane for the lenght of the stay, the younger kids are constantly weeping and failing to mesh, the one-size-fits-all supervision policy does NOT work, and overall we have ten thousands logistical issues from it

The parental feedback and communication aspect is suffocating. They call home every other day, they receive messages every night (which obviously causes projectile weeping when some logistical issue means we lose a message or when someone has sane parents so they don't get messages every night like their roommates) we must post 50 pictures at least a day, which the parents use as basis for their complaints: someone for example called to ask why their child wasn't smiling in it, while one of mine, who I remind you are aged 10-12, told me his mother told him to ask why he was only in one of the pictures posted during the day. This is super alien to my formation and my ideas of what a sleepaway experience should be for and overall I don't wish to repeat the experience

Another issue is that we can't allow the younger kids to manage their own meds so we can't allow the older ones either, we confiscated all medical supplies on arrival, gave them to the infirmary and at morning and night we have to take the kids there and queue up so they can receive their allergy meds and ear hole disinfectant from a doctor. This is insane for our age group and a huge waste of time for the kids given out doctors keep some comfy hours and scold us if we ask them to come for some too minor emergency.

Another is we have uniforms which we replace and wash every day, this is both to make them more easily recognizable and because the younger kids are not really capable of managing their luggage etc that makes sense. However the whole process of managing the materials is so convoluted and fast-paced and unintuitive, the time allotted for the morning, shower and night transitions is kind of narrow, so it means that every time the kids are inside their rooms they have to be completely focused on quickly carrying out their procedures, if they goof off or leave the room or do anything else but prepare it complicates things immensely and that just sucks. There's a resentment this breeds in the worker because you think 'wtf, we provide 14 hours of unstopping fun for you all day, we only ask that you be focused and cooperative and not prioritizing fun for 30 minutes thrice a day, how can you make it so hard for us instead?' but it's not really what's happening because so little of it is real unstructured fun of the kind they want when they're chilling in their rooms, even though they really do enjoy the activities. The uniforms and backpacks and water bottles and everything are also low quality AND scarce so we can't do anything about the constant complaints which really erodes trust imho that you will be the person Who can help with their more serious problems. I feel like only using the uniforms for trips outside the Camp might have been better.

We also do pretty elaborate evening parties which are just unnecessary imho after very long intense days of activities and the entertainers are just so fucking whinyyy lmao the kids enjoy it plenty are plenty engaged but they still complain that the counselors don't motivate them enough and don't sit with them and don't participate actively enough like sorry if we need to keep a bit of a distance to observe discipline problems and also we work 15 hours a day with no break.

We always finish at midnight bc there's not enough night workers and we have to put the kids in bed ourselves and can't leave til they're calm, and after bedtime we have a group reunion and age-group reunion, the second of which is useful but both of which run long, and after that my coworkers still appear to hang out. I don't lol. This obviously leaves just the bare 8 hours to sleep, no time for anything else in the day, some of my coworkers I think have a bit more time for hygiene bc they live on the premises but they put me in a B&B a couple minutes away and it does sadly make a difference, i can't go to my room at any point during the day.

I had NO introduction to my duties whatsoever no tour of the premises no anything lmao, on the days where I should have done that I instead was sent to another city to bring home the Kids from the June Camp, sleep there and pick up the July ones. None of that was in the job description, it was told to me that I would Need to do that while I was on the train for the camp. My roommate Is a freshly 18 year old girl still with a year of high school to go and she still had to do that, though not on her own like me. Overall the circulation of information is painfully stilted, there's too many groupchats none of which i was added before the start.

[galunacycheckyourheadtour]

Acting up, feeling down

I’m struggling. There it is - I put my white flag up.

You wouldn’t know it to look at me. I am doing all the right things. Putting the right positive posts up on social media. Going out. Started a job. But every single minute of every single day I am battling with the black dog and his incessant negative woofing inside my head, telling me I cannot do things and that I am useless, lazy…well you get the gist.

I know I have once again, set myself for a fall because I panicked and did what I thought everyone else thought I should do and not what I want. If self sabotaging was a sport, I would be an Olympic athlete. I find it fascinating that I do the same things, time and time again and think I am so self aware but in fact, I am far from it. I know what I am doing is wrong each time, I know my gut instincts are right but part of me goes ‘no this time it will be different.’ But it is not and then I have to try and work my way out of the situation

I’m constantly exhausted, mostly because I am not sleeping, which I know makes things so much worse. I lie in bed and dread everything I need to do and wish that I could disappear, hoping that some exterior force will mean that I can just stop being.

But that is not the answer, I know that is not the answer. Nor is acting and pretending I am ok or coping, when I am definitely not. I keep seeing myself, the smiling fool who says yes to everything and sounds so enthusiastic on zoom calls and the minute I come off, I fall apart. I could get a BAFTA for some of my performances.

I went for a mental health annual review part 1 last week. The minute I walked into the surgery, I felt my eyes watering and I was on the edge. As my name was called, I knew I was crying - so but told the nurse I thought I had allergies - what the actual fuck?!

When I sat down, the nurse asked me how I was and I burst into tears, a howling embarrassing stupid ugly cry and of course, I immediately apologised as I hate crying in front of strangers. She was absolutely amazing, and spent twenty minutes listening and offering support. I don’t think I had realised how low I had got, how lonely I had felt and at that moment, I knew I needed more help. She escalated my part 2 with the doctor for an asap appointment, as felt it was important that I was seen and had a medication review, especially as I am not taking anything at the moment.

Its been years now of this and I am tired of not feeling well, tired of fighting it, tired of going 5 steps forward and ten steps back in a matter of days and I am tired of constantly having to make excuses about it and letting people down. I just want to be normal and do normal things, and not feel like I am acting my way through life.

So for now, I know I need to see the doctors and probably go back on meds, be more honest with my friends and family, ask for help, increase my counselling and try and focus on what is good for me in the short term, and come up with a plan. Rather than obsessing over chucking my phone in the sea, driving to Scotland barefoot whilst eating a Toblerone.

I also reminded myself of the statements I wrote when I was feeling a bit better in

Today I choose to work for myself.

Today I chose to say goodbye to what does not serve me anymore.

Today I chose to stop being a victim of my past.

To stop sabotaging my own progress, falling into negative patters and to step forward into the light

Today I choose me, as me is pretty ok.

**I’m so grateful for the NHS, as it continuously takes a battering from our awful leadership - they helped me so much and I felt lucky I was offered that appointment and was given so much care and kindness.

[surrojourney-2022]

The Journey Concludes

So much to write about! First and foremost, belly bud was delivered on November 14th. Up until labor and delivery, this was my best pregnancy (other than the fear of the baby being HUGE based on ultrasound measurement). I chose to be a surrogate based on how great my two other pregnancies and deliveries were, uneventful. After this journey, I can say I will never put myself at risk again. The events that occurred during labor, delivery, and recovery has opened my eyes to how lucky our family is and how grateful the fathers are for a healthy baby. If you are considering being a surrogate, nothing can prepare you for the worst. And if I went through what I went through during labor and delivery with my own children, I wouldn’t have signed up to be a surrogate.

24+ hours of active labor which led to a C-section

Couldn’t progress past 5 cm dilation due to the umbilical cord wrapped twice around belly buds neck - each contraction led to a drop in baby’s heart rate

He ended up being sunny side up (eyes facing out toward belly) with an arm at his head - and turning couldn’t happen until 10 cm dilated

No pain meds aside from Tylenol and Motrin for the first 4 days due to medication allergies

Blood transfusion post delivery

4 days without seeing my kids and the guilt of our parents taking care of the kids

With not having a C-section with my own children, I was not prepared with what recovery was going to look like. Brian was my rock through it all, helping me throw up on the OR table, getting me dressed during the first week, taking care of the kids and house while I took time to heal. It was very humbling to have someone else do it all when I couldn’t even get off the couch on my own. I don’t know how mothers take care of infants while recovering. Kudos to all of you out there who tackled it all!

Although it wasn’t what I expected, I am thankful for this journey.

A healthy baby boy who now completes a family just in time to share the joy during the holidays

Our marriage is on a new level, I fell in love with Brian even more than I thought I could during this process

The kids help out so much more now

An amazing life lesson for the kids on equality

Questions people have asked:

Were the fathers in the L&D room? Yes, the whole 24 hours. They witnessed my water breaking, many emotional conversations and decisions, and many hours of contractions (thankful for an epidural). They were unable to go to the OR but held their bundle of joy right away in a separate room.

Will I do it again? Strong No

How did I feel giving the baby away? It didn’t negatively affect me, this baby was not my genetics and although I grew him in my belly for 9 months, it was the best feeling seeing him with his parents.

Any advice for someone considering surrogacy? Go in with an educated perspective, anything could go wrong during the process. I went in blind and naive based on how well past pregnancies went. All pregnancies and deliveries could be different.

How am I doing now? 3 weeks postpartum and I’m feeling a ton better than the first week. Still need a reminder to take things slow, but definitely on the other side.

Will you keep in touch with the family? As of right now yes, the family sends pictures, have sent get well gifts, and we’re planning on the girls meeting the baby after the holidays. I don’t know for sure what the future holds, but we currently have an open mind.

Thanks to everyone who followed along on this journey. Feel free to reach out with any questions!

[torchickentacos]

"Only immunocompromised people get really sick and die." "Only the elderly." "Only the disabled." Only those lesser than a traditionally young and healthy person? Only those whose entire lives are seen as outliers, as disposable, as fragile beings not worth the effort of protecting?

Only my grandmother and best friend. After all, she's already lived a full life, right? It doesn't matter if my last interaction with her is in a hospital with words coming through machinery, her life visible only as vital signs and beeps on a machine.

Only my little sibling. Only them, with their dry humor and the silent looks they and I exchange when someone says something that reminds us of an inside joke. Only them, who already has enough health issues. Only them, who already suffers from issue after issue. They come home exhausted from non-covid medical testing, and every morning I hear them taking their inhaler and measuring their peak flow meter stuff, our mother reminding both of us to take our meds. And all of that is without ever having had covid. But it's just a fourteen year old. Only a kid, who cares?

Only me. Almost 21. Only me, with my silly little blog that keeps me tethered to any semblance of a social life since healthy people can't be bothered to allow me a world I can live in. Only me, with the way I get winded going up the stairs in what looks like an outwardly healthy body that is, on the inside, in the constant process of hurting me. It's only me who would die, no more mornings spent cuddling with my dog even though I know it's going to set off my MCAS/allergies. I love her so much that it's worth it, though, and I wouldn't trade her for the entire world. I'd never get a chance to get that tattoo I've been wanting, blackberries to commemorate the summers I spent at my grandpa's picking berries with my cousins in the woods, our at-the-time tiny fingers stained deep black and purple and red for days. I'd never wake up early in the mornings to make my coffee and sit at the counter again, watching the light creamer swirl and mix with the dark coffee, a beacon of warmth in the cold morning air. I'm already not sure what a career would look like for me in this state of health, let alone post-covid. But hey, it's only some random 20 year old. It's just me and my silly blog.

It's only that infant with RSV, with a view of a hospital cieling instead of a colorful mobile above a crib. It's only that older man across the street who gets your mail for you when you're out of town. It's only your classmate. It's only a family member. It's only people around you, hearing you say how little their lives matter.

After all, it's only the immunocompromised. It's only the elderly. It's only the disabled.

if none of these options apply to you, feel free to reblog

[intimidating-fettuccine]

How about Toby, Jeff and Ben with an s/o who has super strength, but they look like a little noodle. Like they can lift an entire fridge with little to no effort, but they look so scrawny

Stay warm and Hydrated

-Gummy Worm Anon

For whatever reason this post reminded me to take my allergy meds, so I hope you guys are also staying warm and hydrated, and if you need allergy meds remember to take em

Jeff and Toby may be found here

BEN:

This seems to fit BEN as well. He looks like he's one of the weakest creeps in the house, but he's actually one of the strongest, thanks to his powers as a poltergeist. So long as he's in his ghost form, BEN can use his abilities to do all kinds of things, such as lifting a fridge by himself, and once he finds out you're the same way, well...

He pretends like he has no strength whatsoever because he wants to watch you do all the heavy lifting because he thinks it's so attractive. You're his strong partner that can do anything and he just likes to sit back and brag. "Look at my partner, they're so amazing. They might not look like it but they could totally take you down, so you'd better watch your back because my babe could totally rock your house." He just never stops bragging about it and puffing up his chest because he thinks you're so amazing and he thinks it's so cool that he has such an amazingly strong partner, even if your looks don't match your strength.

Really, though, all of that comes from the fact that BEN likes to feel safe and protected with his partners, and he absolutely feels safe and protected whenever he's with you, so just go ahead and coddle him a bit. He will help you out though if you really need it, but then he's back to acting like a baby that needs protecting. OH! He also TOTALLY asks you to carry him all the time, and he has his pouting face and tone of voice perfected, and he gets so excited and bubbly whenever you pick him up and carry him around because he loves being in your arms. Feel free to throw him though. It'll get back at him, but he probably enjoys that too.

[thebibliosphere]

I’m 48 hours post-vaccine and still doing fine.

My POTS is still all over the place, but it’s not as severe--no more 200bpm from standing/sitting.

Migraine has mostly dissipated into a mild headache. I can take Tylenol for it and it works so that’a nice.

Arm hurts and my joints are still inflamed but it’s getting better. Shoulder is no longer frozen and I can pick Holly up again, so that’s obviously the most important thing lol.

Fatigue is still pretty rough, but I’m managing. I’m lucky ETD was able to be home this weekend and make sure I’m eating and drinking between naps.

Majorly, my MCAS has remained stable and non-reactive. The only noticeable histamine reaction I had was right after the shot when my arm was red and itchy at the injection site for the first 30mins. But since then? Not a peep.

For the MCAS/HIT people who asked about meds, I was advised by my doctor(s) to pre-medicate with an h1 blocker an hour before the injection, and an h2 if I woke up that day and felt it was needed. I shifted my dosing times to avoid antihistamine overdose--but considering what most of us take for MCAS is considered an “overdose,” I likely didn’t need to. Obviously talk to your doctor before making any changes to your medications. I also had Benadryl and prednisone on hand for after, as well as my EPI-pen(s) in the event of emergency. I didn’t need either and I was able to go back down to my normal h1 dosage within 24 hours. I also took an additional D3 supplement* as I’ve noticed a positive effect on my skin reactions when I do, and my doctors are happy to let me use it for such. If I’d had any quercitin** left, I might have taken one of those as well, but I didn’t need it. I was also advised to be as well hydrated with electrolytes as possible, and given how my POTS reacted I understand why. Hope that helps some of you feel better about getting it/gives your doctors something to work with.

I’m going back to sleep lol

-----

*Vitamin D deficiency has been linked to an increase in asthma and allergies. (source)

**Another supplement that has been shown to effectively inhibit mast cell dysregulation in patients with mast cell dysfunction. (source)

Which reminds me, if any of my mast cell dysfunctional friends on here have a brand of quercitin you recommend, let me know? I’m trying to buy less from Pure Encapsulations since Nestle bought them. The quality has remained the same, but I don’t like giving money to Nestle if I can help it.

[turtle-steverogers]

she is very long so. enjoy😌

- Steve n Bucky going to the bodega down the street from their apartment. it’s open till like 4am and they go at all hours. sometimes they’ll go separately but they always go together when they go in between 12-4 am and no one who works there questions why

- they get a cat that they treat her like their child. it’s Alpine ofc😌 steve loves her so much but he knows it’s Bucky’s Cat and he’s fine with it

- you know how some siblings or partners or friends can communicate with their eyes and basically have telepathy? they totally have that and it annoys the shit out of every single person they meetjdksndks. someone will be talking to them and they will just make eye contact with each other bc it reminded them of an earlier convo they had or they both got annoyed by the other person or it reminds them of an inside joke or something and it just irritates EVERYONE. no one is able to intercept it and it’s just a thing that no matter what - even though they don’t mean to - you’ll feel a little left out when you’re with steveandbucky. it just comes with the gig. i like to imagine that depending on if it’s an au or not, its either really obvious or not. like in an au then yes it’s obvious they can have non verbal conversations, but if it’s not an au then it’s not entirely obvious bc they’re enhanced humans and they know how to hide their secret conversations. but everyone they talk to is essentially an enhanced human or has special abilities so it’s obvious to them and they catch them in the act LOL. if they’re interacting with regular people then it’s not very obvious though

- DATE NIGHT!!! yes they’re old yes they have date night. when they go out it’s usually to places in their neighborhood, but a lot of the time they like to stay in bc. they’re old men <3 steve is better at cooking and bucky is better at baking bc you can get creative with cooking and steve likes that more. he enjoys baking a lot too but he thinks bucky’s stuff tastes better. whenever they stay home though there’s ALWAYS a movie. always. they alternate choosing but there is always a movie to watch. bucky usually falls asleep nearing the end and steve plays with his hair😌 he rolls his eyes cause it happens every time but he actually likes when it happens bc he can braid strands of hair together

- pet names oh my god. so many pet names. every single one. mainly from bucky. steve uses them but maybe like two. he favors sweetie and buck and that’s it really. sometimes he uses hon. bucky though oh my god. every single pet name under the sun. so many variations of doll you wouldn’t believe - baby doll ofc, dolly, stevie doll. sweetheart. sweetness. blondie. pretty boy. hot stuff. stevie. baby. hon. honey. sunshine. angel. it’s just so many. and it’s like very sickening insane twisted etc but hot at the same time. most people are like jeez barnes do you ever shut up… but most of these people secretly think it’s a little hot theyre thinking damn where is that affection for me…. i need me a bucky barnes :| steve is the only smitten kitten outwardly even if he huffs and puffs sometimes but it’s obvious he enjoys it. like they are so annoyingjdkssn for real they aren’t a pda couple really but the petnames….. so many. so so so many it’s sickeningly sweet but bucky dgaf! steve is his sweetheart his dolly his baby his angel so he’s going to call him these things!

- steve knows his body is what is considered “perfect” but he still is insecure about it around most people and bucky knows this so when steve lounges at home in bucky’s boxer briefs and his own tee shirt or he kicks off his pants when he’s too hot at night in bed bucky is reminded of just how much steve loves him and feels comfortable around him which is something he always strives for - to make steve comfortable. not baby him because steve bitches at anyone that does that to him but to make him feel comfortable

- and on the subject of feeling comfortable i imagine that they always check in with one another but it’s very subconscious they hardly realize they do it. like steve will bitch at bucky to pick up his shoes from their doorway or to clean his hair from the shower drain but the next second he will ask him if his back still hurts from being kicked by sam and from where steve AND alpine scratched him (in very different ways)

- steve is the sweater husband and bucky is the sweatshirt husband. they trade off a lot but that’s just how their closets look

- steve takes a liking to crop tops 😌 but ONLY around the house bc again he’s really truly only comfortable around bucky. he wears em with boxer briefs or sweatpants but you can guarantee that the briefs and sweats usually just end up on the floor 9 out of 10 times

- hair ties everywhere. they can be found on the floor in the laundry in their bed in the couch on top of the fridge on their fire escape. they are literally everywhere. steve just picks them up and puts them in the bathroom but they always make their way back. he doesn’t say anything to bucky until he finds alpine chewing one and she ends up smacking herself in the face with the hairtie

- their fridge is always full with leftovers and food from sam or clint’s or whoever’s house or takeout. they always eat it all but they get and make a lot of food so the fridge is always full

- subconsciously bucky always has a hand on the back of steve’s neck. like it’s not ENTIRELY a possessive thing but he used to do it a lot when steve was small because it was easy and it was comfortable. for him and just for him and steve. it was like swinging an arm around steve’s shoulders or putting a hand on his shoulder. it was just natural and easy so he did it. a part of him back then prewar did it possessively too, but he always tampered that down bc steve wasn’t his. now he does it without shame

- steve really likes tofu and vegan meat, non dairy milk like almond and soy, and overall a lot of non dairy vegan foods, and a lot of fruits. he gets made fun of for a lot specifically about the vegan stuff but his reasoning is that there’s so much food accessible for people with allergies in the future that he wished existed a hundred years ago so he’s going to try it and stick with it if he likes it. people shut up after that

- he also tips a little more than he needs to everywhere he goes. everywhere. like it’s cool when steve rogers walks in to a restaurant bc he’s a superhero or whatever but its REALLY cool because he leaves a generous tip and that’s what really makes peoples day

- before they get legally married they are still very much married. like “i packed you lunch, meet me at the restaurant instead of me going to pick you up bc it’ll take longer, i got takeout let’s bitch together while we watch shitty reality tv, let’s bitch at EACH OTHER through the phone in public, let’s send each other ugly pictures of each other or funny texts while we’re right next to each other, i’m out with a group and you’re not there and i say multiple times ‘i miss steve/bucky’, let’s yell at each other from opposite ends of the apartment instead of getting up to see each other, steve i’m going to fuck you on the couch bc our room is too far, etc.” they are just very much married without the documents and legalities and it’s very obvious

okay all of these were ABSOLUTELY wonderful and im really going to restrain my urge to respond to each and every one but that might be futile

-okay YES they definitely go to that bodega at all hours, and usually it's for normal things when they go separately: milk, cereal, toilet paper. but when they go in the middle of the night, they almost always purchase some like odd assortment of candies and deli meat. also, they're always in their pajamas. like bucky's in plaid pj pants and a star wars sweatshirt, and steve is in like 5" shorts and a huge crewneck and they're both in slides and they definitely only speak russian to each other when they're in there after hours

-yes alpine! they also have a dog, that is more steve than bucky's!! his name is norman in my headcanon (and a couple of my fics) and he is best boy

-okay i need more of this in my general stucky life: steve and bucky being like,,, best friends as well as lovers and being so seamlessly close. like yeah, they definitely talk with their eyes, or just one glance, or half-sentences ("hey, did you ever get to--" "yup, on the way home. it was so--" "yeah, good. glad to hear") and they know exactly what the other is saying.

-yes to the date nights!!! and when they stay in to watch movies, they make Tons of popcorn. and they Have to make separate batches, because steve will Only eat his with like half a bottle of that powdered white cheddar on his

-YES we share the same fucking headcanon for petnames on god

Steve: love you, buck:)

Bucky: love you, pumpkin

-Steve definitely has body dysmorphia, probably even post serum (I have lots of thoughts on this, that might be a different post) and yeah, Bucky definitely knows its Big that he feels comfortable enough to be exposed around him (and he's even more honored that steve lets him be intimate with him, because that's really hard for steve, too)

-yeah! and easy check ins like "ur stomach still bothering you from last night?" "oh, no it was just a little bug turns out" or like "my head hurts:(" "i have meds in my bag. you want?" "yeah, just two" or like subtly checking on injuries, yeah

-yeah the sweater versus sweatshirt tracks tbh i picture steve in a lot of crewnecks so yeah

-STEVE IN CROP TOPS STEVE IN CROP TOPS and i raise you they're often ones he's cropped himself and he's also painted on! or bleach painted!! and theyre so cool and bucky never wants to make a big deal out of it, but he's so proud of steve for expressing himself like that

-ALPINE SMACKING HERSELF ALKFJALSDKFJA also steve always has a hairtie on HIS wrist in case bucky forgets one for himself

-they also always have Steve Staple Foods cuz i headcanon steve as a picky eater (adhd!steve + serum enhancements, it's down to a formula) so they have a lot of Kraft mac and cheese and easy heat up meals and lunch meats around for when he's having bad food days

-OMG and steve absolutely MELTS i raise you, too, bucky will especially hold the back of his neck when he needs to get steve to Chill Out. so like if he sees him stressing he'll put his hand on the back of his neck and squeeze and literally feel the tension drain from him or like if steve is having a panic attack, he'll hold the back of his neck while they breathe together

-yes and also any time that steve is Choosing food for himself and feeling motivated to eat it, it's a win, so people learn to back off there, too

-yes! he tips generously, but never awkwardly or offensively. he's also super kind and patient to food service workers!

-this last point is so perfect i cant. like yeah, back to steve and bucky just being,,,, the best of friends. ugly selfies galore, shoving their feet in each other's face, flicking each others ears. and yes, all the fucking gossiping. on the phone gossip, venting, fun gossip from around work. they talk about it all. and it's so great for them

thank you again for stopping by! your thoughts are impeccable!

[ackermans-freedom-inc]

Masterlist

Heya! Thank you for visiting! I will post all of my writings here, so please feel free to browse at your leisure. 

If you want to send in a request, please feel free to do so, unless my blog description says requests are closed. If they are indeed closed and you wish to send something in anyway, you are very welcome to do so! I may or may not get to it though I will try my best. 

__________________________________________

Levi Ackerman 

Fics

Train Pt 1 

All My Choices - “All my choices lead to you” prompt

Hot and Cold - He would compliment you one moment, and hurt you the next

Just a Drink - Someone came to hit on you at the bar...

Nothing More - You and him were friends with benefits...and nothing more? NSFW

Remember - You succumb to the thoughts in your head, and he’s there to remind you

Monster - “Why do you have to make me into a monster?” prompt

Snow - You get lost in blizzard and Levi is worried sick

By Your Side - What happens when your cheesy pickup line loving self gets paired with a handsome bodyguard?

Education - You are a poc, and somehow the world will not leave you alone

Counting the Days - Levi just wants to do the do, but his son gets in the way. NSFW

Bows - “I just wanted to be pretty for you” 

Carry a Tune - (LawyerAU) Levi gets jealous.

Never - He broke up with you out of the blue

Alleged Allergies - (LawyerAU) Levi and your cat adoption adventures

Fish - You’re feeding your baby and Levi couldn’t be more supportive

What More Could You Ask For - You and Levi with your kids on a beautiful morning

I Miss Her Too - Your best friend was gone. How could you ever heal?

Tease - (LawyerAU) You have to entertain an important client for the firm...your boyfriend is NOT pleased

Pep Talk - Hanji’s messy cat comes over to meet your cat...what could go wrong?

Next to You - He opens his eyes, and sees you, fast asleep.

Never Expected - He breaks up with you, but you loved him so much. So why?

For the Night - You met his eyes from across the club. Memories that weren't your own swirled in your head. One night of passion ensued. NSFW

Treading Water - You fall into the water after a titan attack. You can’t swim.

Poopyhead - You and Levi’s darling son goes missing one day

The Sham - You were arranged to married to Levi. It was a sham. 

Your Touch - Levi was so so stressed, so you do what you can to help him

Uprising - You loved him so much, but the moment never seemed right

Someone You Loved - He watched as you fell out of love with him

I Wish - Him and you were over months ago. What more could he have to say?

You Weren’t There - You were missing in action for weeks. No way you were still alive. Right?

Mergers and Accusations - (Lawyer AU) Your boyfriend couldn't have leaked your confidential files...could he? 

The Mop Job - Levi, Isabel, and Farlan and Levi’s broken ankle 

Where You Belong - You and Levi were expecting. So what happens when one of you loses their memory?

A Matter of Time - It was only a matter of time before one of you caught feelings

Hold On - There was nothing you wouldn’t do for your sister...who also happened to be Levi’s girlfriend.

Dibs - You sought out Levi for comfort after a breakup

Mirrors - You felt insecure in your body. Levi comforts you

Pumpkin - You tell Levi you’re pregnant against a gorgeous fall background

His Touch - You have a phobia of intimacy, and you thought you were ready to try something new

You Never Liked Her - You stood by Levi through it all. What about your own feelings?

Stressed - You were so stressed over exams, and Levi helps you out

Pet - You were a high ranking demon. And then you met him

Treading Water 2 - he was so glad to have you back and he wanted to show you (tiny bit spicy)

About Damn Time - the other vets act as ScoutWingmen because you and Levi were taking too long

Pointe - Levi finds you alone in the mess hall in the middle of the night. Dancing?

Zoom - the 104th kiddos see a cat...in two zoom calls?

How Many Times? - how many times does Levi have to ask you to be his?

Diamonds - (MafiaAU) Fluff/angst

Just a Trim - haircut with Levi drabble

Whirlybird - domestic drabble

Moot - LawyerAU, nsfw | watching Levi demolish opposing counsel made you feel a certain way...

Headcanons

- Levi’s Ideal s/o - kinda turned imagine/scenario, some nsfw

- Levi with a Med&Science s/o

- Levi with s/o with eating disorder  - tw eating disorder mention

- Levi with a s/o who has a fear of intimacy

- Levi with a s/o who cries after sex - mention of past trauma, fluff, kinda nsfw

- Levi with a s/o who is RIPPED 

- Cheater!Levi with a badass s/o

- Cheater!Levi with a badass s/o PT2 

- Levi when his s/o has a miscarriage (tw) 

- Levi with a smaller male s/o

- Levi with a s/o with narcolepsy 

- Levi with a smaller bratty male sub! s/o NSFW

- Awkward sub!Levi in a relationship - SFW, fluffy af

- Levi when he meets another full Asian girl

- Levi slow dancing with you

- Levi with a dom!male reader

- Levi with a s/o who looks like an angel but is kinda the devil

- Levi with a s/o who likes to laugh/tell jokes

THIRSTY THURSDAYS - NSFW AF Y’ALL. 18+!!!!!!!!

#1  - oral reader receiving | You just wanted to try sitting on his face...

#2 - first time, smut, choking kink | You waited for him to be your first

#3 - Sub!Levi, tied up, slapping | He wanted to prove he could take orders

#4 - Dom!Levi, jealous/possessive, edging | You spent time with Erwin?

#5 - Waxplay, sensation play, edging, dom-ish Levi | You wanted to try this...

#6 - Omegaverse, ModernAU | Your heat was coming and the sauna helped

#7 - Dirty talk, modern AU | You just wanted to watch the dang movie

#8 - Pegging, prostate stimulation, sub!Levi | You wanted to try something...

#9 - public sex, oral, dirty talk | A fun time in the waterpark changeroom

#10 - dirty talk, sex, modernAU | You wanted him to do more than just your taxes

#11 - bathtub sex | Levi saw you training cadets...and oops you’re hot

#12 - Modern AU, dirty talk, name calling, domlevi | You were worried Levi wasn't enjoying himself

#13 - hurt/comfort, comfort sex, fluff | After the [redacted] Levi was worried you were avoiding him 

#14 - jealous/possessive dom!Levi, rough sex, choking, slapping | You got a little carried away squealing over your favourite actor...

#15 - MIKE X READER - daddy kink, size kink | no plot just fucking Mike while calling him daddy

#16 - oral female receiving | He was too busy to give you attention...

#17 - older!reader (31) x Levi (25). No kinks just sex | it had been so long since you were with someone...then you met him

#18 - public-ish sex | you and him were friends with benefits for years. But one day, beneath the stars and against the wall...

#19 - oral, slight voyeurism | you, in a dress. Him under the table...what could go wrong?

#20 - oral, vaginal sex, slight voyeurism | you and levi get walked in on

#21 - touchstarved Levi | just sex no kinks, fluffy

#22 - Eren x Reader, modern AU, soft + sweet, no kinks, fluff

Multi - Chaptered

Abeille: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6

Not Levi 

Sneakers - Annie x fem!reader - Annie goes to the mall to get a pair of sneakers...what she didnt expect to find was you 

She - Mikasa x fem!reader - You just loved her so much. But she...

[sampauwelsschrijft]

Antidepressants are so weird.

Like, you forget to take them one day and the next day you’re this anxious mess and you’re constantly dissociating and your brain is so slow and you’re just in this constant state of panicking without reason while you feel like you’re floating and also you have no idea what the fuck is going on 100% of the time.

But also, that feeling when you start taking them for the first time? It’s so strange.

I remember the first time I started taking meds for my anxiety was when I was in high school and I remember just feeling so calm while walking to school the next monday? I was usually so anxious in the morning, especially on mondays, and I had literally not known it any other way for my whole life, but suddenly I realized I was not stressing out at all.

And then the side effects started kicking in and I was so fucking tired during the last class of the day and it was terrible because I had a very busy week and I was up late working on group projects every night.

But at the same time, it was great that I was taking the meds that week because, like I said, I was up late working on group projects in other peoples houses and eating at their place and I was socializing and masking my autism the whole day every day for a week and I never once had a panic attack and I had only one meltdown in that whole week.

And than the side effects went away and I felt so weird without the anxiety that I had known for whole my life? Like, obviously it was still there, but so much less? Before I started taking the antidepressants, I had panic attacks almost every week, but suddenly I could go literal months without panic attacks. And the suicidal thoughts I had also known for a very long time... just gone.

The same happened when I started taking new meds two months ago. The first week was terrible, I was really tired and I had these two days were I had so much executive dysfunction that I couldn’t even get up to make tea, but than the side effects went away and suddenly I felt so much calmer than before and I felt like I had so much more time in a day? And than I started going on walks and last week I even went to buy popcorn alone and that’s a really big accomplishement for me.

But the strangest thing is probably other peoples reactions when they hear I’m on antidepressants.

My grandma is great at that, saying things like ‘you don’t need meds, you just need to get over it’ in such a sweet voice and she really means it like advice. (No shade to her, she’s a great grandma and she’s really sweet and she really means it well, she just doesn’t understand it.) But it’s so weird to me, because, like, you won’t tell someone who’s taking medication for a phyisical condition that they need to stop taking their meds and get over it, right? So what’s the difference with me taking meds for a mental condition I’ve been struggling with my whole life? I’ve never been so happy as in the two years since I started taking antidepressants. I’ve been doing so many thing I would have never seen myself doing. 

My grandma made it sound like ‘it’s just my age’, she literally said she ‘felt the same way when she was my age but she just got over it and than she got her drivers license even though she was scared of driving’, and I was just like, I’ve literally never seen you drive a car in my twenty years of existence but that’s great for you I guess?

And the excuse she gives me as to why I shouldn’t take my meds is because medication is always dangerous and it has side effects? And like, yes, I know, but panic attacks aren’t fun either? Suicidal thoughts are dangerous too? Meltdowns are dangerous when you have them at the wrong time or around the wrong people? And really... feeling scared and stressed without any reason every second of the day is just... terrible, and if taking pills is going to help me with that, I will take those pills.

The weirdest thing is that, while she’s saying that to me, she’s also constantly reminding my grandpa that he needs to take his pills, and I just wonder what makes her think the two are so diffenent? 

Again, my grandma is a wonderful lady and I really don’t want you to think bad of her, but I just don’t understand why she finds it so hard to understand that mental illnesses are a serious thing?

Another dude once asked me why I don’t take my antidepressents only on the days I need them, like how I take my asthma medication only when I know I’m going to do sports or have a lot of allergies that day... and I’m just like... that’s not how it works? Not all medication is something you can just take whenever? A lot of medication, not just antidepressants, need time to start working, and you also just can’t stop with them out of nowhere, because that’s going to give you withdrawel symptoms?

And he’s reason for asking that was that he believed antidepressants make you a different person and, just, how? Are you trying to say my anxiety and depressive episodes are my personality or something? In my experience, antidepressants have actually helped me be more like myself. When I’m not constantly stuck in my own head, I have time and motivation to do the things I like and be myself, and when I’m not constantly anxious about what other people might think of me, I stop masking my autism.

These kind of people aren’t the weirdest ones though, one of my high school teachers has taken that price.

In my last year of high school, we had a trip to Berlin, so we had to fill in this form about our medical conditions/ medical history and allergies and the medication we take and stuff like that. I filt out the form completely normally. I stated my allergies, I wrote that I had light asthma and might have difficulties riding a bike because of it, and I guess I must have written about my scoliosis and the jaw surgery I had had that summer (or maybe the summer before that, idk, my memory doesn’t really do timelines to be honest), and I wrote that I was autistic and had anxiety and that I sometimes had depressive episodes because I had had a depression when I was 14. And than I just wrote that I took medication for my asthma and antidepressants for my anxiety. And maybe I wrote down some other stuff, I really don’t remember how detailed the form had to be.

A few weeks went by, until the teachers started doing their paperwork for the Berlin trip and the teacher that was organizing it all started going trough the medical forms and read that I took antidepressants... and suddenly she just started treating me differently.

Like, at that point it wasn’t really a secret anymore that I had anxiety and was in the process of getting diagnosed with autism, all the teachers were supposed to know it, but I guess after reading that I actually took medication for it, this teacher started realizing how serious it was?

She began skipping me whenever we had to read aloud in class and she started being extra nice to me and even giving me better grades, because, idk, she felt bad for me or something?

And than, during the actual Berlin trip, she was constantly keeping her eyes on me. It was weird, because we were all 17/18 or even 19 at that point and the teachers mostly just let us do whatever, but this teacher just constantly came talking to me while I was just having fun with my friends. There was even this point where we were at a fair and this teacher saw me standing somewhere alone and started almost babying me thinking my friends had abandoned me, and I was literally just like... my friend is right there buying food for us? Why do you instantly think I’ve been abandoned when you see me alone? My friend is actually helping me and buying food for me right now? Like... what?

And than she almost seemed sad when she actually saw my friend handing me popcorn. Like, lady, how big is your saviour complex?

Well, anyway, I guess all this post is trying to say is that 1) forgetting to take your antidepressants makes you feel weird and like you don’t even exist, and 2) people react weird to mental illness

[jimalim]

I posted 3,473 times in 2021

612 posts created (18%)

2861 posts reblogged (82%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 4.7 posts.

I added 4,041 tags in 2021

#q - 2160 posts

#the wilds - 827 posts

#leatin - 327 posts

#leah rilke - 179 posts

#fatin jadmani - 178 posts

#cat tag for cat things - 116 posts

#ask - 90 posts

#fatin x leah - 62 posts

#fic rec - 54 posts

#a good reminder - 48 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#im so sick of people danding more content especially wheb they refuse to engage with it in any meaningful way like comme tomg and rebloggin

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Fatin is surprised to find Leah half hazardly flung over the guest bed in the condo she shares with Dot when she gets home from a lunch meeting. Leah goes to school at the university about 30 minutes from their place. Though she lives on campus, she's often hanging around the condo, so much so that they even made her a spare key. It's not unusual to find her asleep, she's just usually on the couch or in one of the girls beds waiting for them to come home. Rarely does the guest room get used, unless the entire Unsinkable 8 crew is in town. So seeing Leah camped out, bag on the desk, jacket and jeans thrown on the floor catches Fatin off guard.

Her location begins to make more sense as Fatin slowly creeps closer, careful to not wake her up. There's a box of medicine on the night stand and crumpled up tissues all over the other side of the bed.

Fatin reaches out to check Leah's forehead for signs of fever. She's warm, but it's probably low grade at best. Leah groans at the sensation, slowly blinking to see Fatin above her. She mumbles, "my roommate kicked me out. Finals are in 2 weeks and she doesn't want my germs around."

Fatin laughs lightly as she take a seat, "and what makes you think I do?"

"Ha. Ha. It's just allergies, it's not contagious." She's silent for a moment before she quietly asks, "can I stay here please?"

A large grin forms on Fatin's face, if Leah was asking permission to stay here, then she really must be going through it. "Of course sweetie." She leans down and places a quick kiss to Leah's temple. "Get some rest. I'll come check on you when Dorothy gets home."

A couple hours later Dot enters the guest room with Fatin close behind. She moves to check the meds Leah's been taking and scoffs, "no wonder she's miserable, this shit doesn't do anything." She leaves the room but Fatin lingers a few minutes to see if Leah needs anything. When it's clear the girl isn't gonna wake up, Fatin leaves quietly closing the door behind her.

When Dot gets back from the store with proper medication, Fatin insists she take it to Leah. "Dottie, could you make your special homemade chicken noodle soup tonight, for Leah?" Dot smirks, knowing full well how much Fatin loves the soup herself.

Leah's awake and furiously blowing her nose when Fatin opens the door moments later.She's a bit embarrassed and covers her face while groaning. Fatin sits next to her and pulls her hands away. "Dorothy got you the good stuff." She winks, handing over the new drugs and a glass of water. Leah happily accepts, downing the pills in one swallow. "She's also making you soup!" She adds climbing up the bed to sit against the headrest. She motions for Leah to lay on her lap, a position she loves and constantly does during their movie nights.

Fatin gently strokes Leah's hair. They stay like that for the next hour or two. It's not until Dot greets them with a hot bowl of soup that they move. Leah sits up and Dot places the bed tray over her. Soup, water, some crackers, and some more meds to take before bed. Dot pulls up the desk chair to join the party without disrupting the bed. The last thing any of them needs is hot soup spilling all over.

They hang out for a while as Leah eats, catching up on the backlog of gossip since they last got together. With finals quickly approaching, Leah hadn't been around as much. Having papers to write, and tests to study for.

It hurts Leah to laugh too hard, triggering a coughing fit. Fatin rubs her back until she calms down enough to stop. She yawns shortly after and Dot announces they should leave to let Leah rest. When Fatin moves to get up Leah grabs her wrist. "Can you stay? At least till I fall asleep?"

"Sure thing, just let me take this to the kitchen first." Fatin grabs the tray and exits the room.

It's about 10 minutes before she returns, wearing pjs and carrying an extra pillow. The way Leah smiles at her, despite how grumpy she's looked all day, gives Fatin butterflies. She situates herself under the covers and allows Leah to curl up to her. The girl's head tucking into the crook of her neck, an arm draped around her waist, and legs tangled between hers.

Leah quietly thanks Fatin for all the care she's provided for her all day. Humming with content at the feeling of Fatin's nails drawing up and down her back. She's asleep in no time.

Fatin doesn't leave right away, wanting to make sure Leah was in a deep sleep before risking moving. She leaves the room for a moment to fetch some more meds, a fresh box of tissues, and another glass of water. She places them all on the nightstand on Leah's side of the bed.

As much as she wants to cuddle back up with the girl, she knows they'll both sleep better apart. That way Leah doesn't feel like a burden getting up every few hours cause she can't breathe. She leaves a little note on the nightstand, kisses Leah's forehead, and reluctantly leaves the room for the evening.

 Take these after 2am. Wake me if you need anything! Good luck trying not to dream of me 😉 ❤Fatin

126 notes • Posted 2021-01-14 00:54:48 GMT

#4

The way I nearly had a heart attack seeing these trending topics next to eachother ☠

251 notes • Posted 2021-09-10 02:51:22 GMT

#3

My favorite thing about The Wilds is the fact the cast is largely unknown. I absolutely get way more enjoyment watching first time/lesser known actors play characters. It's so much more believable.

419 notes • Posted 2021-01-05 01:05:11 GMT

#2

Fanfiction Cheat Code: If you really like something someone wrote and wish there were more fics like that, be specific in your reviews. Highlight particular lines, motifs, tropes, and such that you really enjoyed. Writers will often keep that in mind when writing new work. 

687 notes • Posted 2021-05-09 13:47:28 GMT

#1

PSA: Fanfic is FREE! and writers choose to spend their valuable spare time to write these stories to share with you. It is an ABSOLUTE PRIVILEGE to get to read these fics, and anyone demanding people write more, update quicker, etc is truly a fucking asshole, and you ACTIVELY make people NOT want to write.

2054 notes • Posted 2021-08-09 20:35:28 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

[firepiplup]

How do i say no to people

You know that analogy about people with adhd having spoons for energy management or whatever? My spoons are on backorder from like 2 months ago and more got on that list now

The problem is that all of the things I'm being asked to do are Very Important Things

I have to feed my diabetic cat. This in itself is not a problem, however she's needs to eat at a specific time (12 hour spacing) and my current sleeping situation along with work do not allow this to happen consistently. Currently trying for 7:30, we'll see how it goes

My apartment has bedbugs, and there's no way in fucking hell I'm sleeping on my living room floor until my scumlord landlord actually gets the guy to come back to spray because he did spray but I'm still seeing adults and i "need to give the spray time to work" it's been fucking 2 weeks i don't know how is supposed to work but i feel like after 2 weeks whatever spray you did isn't going to get any stronger i just want to sleep in my own bed it's been like this since fucking March

With that part explained, I'm sleeping at my mom's house on the other side of town. This in itself isn't much of a problem, however as "payment" i have to take care of her dog in the morning, to practice because she's going on a week long vacation in October and none of her dogs can just be taken care of like normal dogs. He needs to wear a diaper to leave the room while i pick up his shit and soiled weewee pad and mop the floor, give him some time to be out of his room, and then feed him his special food mix. The other dog has allergies and probably will get into something he shouldn't, then not use the bathroom outside even though he literally has a doggy door that has constant access to the backyard. Neither dog get along with each other, which is why they are separated. Thank fuck the cat is just normal, this is why i prefer them

Now with THAT explained, it's difficult to take care of my own cat on time in the morning. But as the legendary Billy Mays says: But wait, there's more!

I just got rehired at my job working in a local understaffed pizzeria. My friend, ego also works there, is on vacation (good for her, she deserves it, absolutely no negativity towards her) so i have acquired her hours. So i now work 6 days a week, kinda sorta clopen but i guess it's more of opelose. Or a combination of both? Idk. The point here is, I'm then dealing with essentially running half a restaurant alone 6 days a week, with it not being 7 purely because the owner himself ALSO has the same work schedule as far as I'm aware, and wanted to give himself a day off, and since we are so understaffed it would be impossible unless we literally closed. My tasks include answering the phone, washing dishes, making sandwiches, making dinners, folding pizza boxes, and cleaning the tables/equipment on that side of the restaurant. So essentially everything except making pizzas, cleaning the pizza area, mopping in general, and driving. We generally close at 9, 10 on Friday and Saturday. Guess who was explicitly rehired to close those days? Guess how that's going to work with me having to be home around 7:30 to take care of my own cat? I have no idea either. It's only for about 3 weeks, but my mom, whom i have not asked for any additional help with anything, won't feed the cat while i have work, even though there isn't a guarantee that i can leave on time to THEN RETURN to close, because again I'm the only one on that side of the building. I understand the fear of the bedbugs, so that's probably it, but it still fucking sucks because the kitchen is on the other side of the apartment from the bedroom and there is literally no reason to go there to feed her. But i get it

Did we get to where i can do my own ADLs? Of course not. My neighbor is in the hospital, and her husband is blind. This is a new development that was only discovered an hour before starting this post (about 3:30 am for me). She's ok, it's for mental health reasons, and that's her own business about that. Her husband being blind is not a new development however. And he needs help taking care of the pets, specifically the birds. Which is fine, they just also need to eat on their own schedule. 8am, around lunchtime, and 8pm. Guess who's still at work? One of the birds is special needs because her beak got injured and needs to be essentially spoon fed. Which the blind husband can't do at all. Fairly simple task, but just adding to my obligations that are Very Important because they involve making sure things don't starve to death while my neighbor is in Crisis

Ok let's see, that's 4 Very Important Tasks/Obligations, and only one was originally my own voluntary one. Still not at taking care of myself yet, but i have my shelter, i have my job ("part time" minimum wage, hurray. Part time because even with me being there 6 fucking days a week open to close it still isn't technically enough hours for the state to recognize it as full time), and I'm taking care of *counting* about 8 pets for the next week. Will unemployment give me my money that I've been claiming since March? No? Will they let me claim with my new working hours that makes that while process even harder? Technically but it'll take over an hour for it to process and it doesn't even do that in the end? Well fuck, guess i have to wait to get paid on the books in cash and beg for a hand written paystub and have my hours worked written down. Glad i earned $100 this week, i hope now that my hours have increased i get some more

Next on the list, appointments. Because I'm a dumbass who can't remember shit if it isn't consistently recurring, i overbooked myself for next week. My much needed therapy appointment with my therapist that I've only met once and is the replacement for my much better therapist that i actually had a relationship with is supposed to have a session with me on Tuesday. Will i remember to do it this time? Possibly since i actually remembered it's on Tuesday. Will she send me the reminder text with the zoom link? Probably not. Wednesday, my one day off, thank fuck for that, is the main problem with the scheduling. My med appointment is for 11:30. Cool, can do. Driving lesson at 12. Oh, that's a little close, but i can manage that probably. I only average 1 lesson per year and a half, so it's fine, it's "healthy" to be nervous about operating a death machine powered by explosions. Have to go to social services to pick up, or attempt to, a new food stamps card. They probably close at 5, and add a Non Driver, i need to rely on someone to take me. The sooner the better, but it can't be during the lesson. Don't forget to take care of the creatures before and during all of this.

Ok. Great. There's an hour before work. Time to shower, because it's so fucking hot I'll be sweating like crazy by the time i get around the corner to the pizzeria, with me literally getting out and dressed and then walking out the door. Glad i finally did still to take care of myself. Eating? I might have something i can heat up quickly while the cat eats and so i can take my own meds. Dishes? Those are going to have to wait, i hope the heat wave doesn't get too bad, but it's been like this for a while, still slowly chipping away at them. Sleep? Severe insomnia. I partially blame the bed, my mattress is so comfortable, i hope the bedbugs like it because i can't fucking use it right now. I'd be sleeping so fucking soundly if i were in my own bed, and yet here i am. Maybe i should take the Trazodone now. I just hope I'll wake up on time. Oh look I'm exhausted, can't afford to buy comparatively better prepared coffee from Dunkin, so i guess my shitty at home coffee is going to have to do. Black because i don't have any creamer or milk or lactose free milk in my house. Just the way i hate it. Gonna have to deal with that i guess, maybe I'll learn to like it

The coffee pot lives in my fridge now. I'm worried to put it with the other dishes because if it sits there, not being washed like everything else, then i won't even have the option of coffee. It's just water and ground up beans, I'm sure it's fine

Maybe i can find some kind of coping skill/hobby to help me through my limited me time. Let's see.... I like to crochet, and that helps me get through the dishes by letting me alternate between them and a row/round on one of my many started projects. What? It's in a giant garbage bag with a bedbug treatment stick because of the damn ass bedbugs? Can't open it for at least another week and even then there isn't a place to put the yarn safely? Well fuck. I found that really helpful with keeping me grounded. Umm, well looking online, i should *checks notes* buy new yarn in the meantime and keep it somewhere safe. Uh, well, i can't afford more yarn now and i have nowhere to put it. Videogames it is maybe? Oh fuck now I've hyper focused too long on pokemon, rhythm heaven, and whatever daily games i do, i think i have 5 of those of varying lengths of time spent on them

Did i remember to brush my teeth? No. Do i remember that i should and then when i get out of the shower so i forget to actually execute? Yes. Have i gone insane? Probably

How many spoons is a person supposed to have per day? It takes more for me just to get through the day in general. Why does everyone need me to do their Very Important Tasks? Why is there never anyone else? Can my neighbor just not buy more birds when she gets home from Crisis?

I just want to have good mental health, why is this so hard

[farmlesbians]

your Claritin post reminded me that I needed to take my allergy meds! thank you! and good luck with whatever’s wrong with you

thank u <3 i can’t take allergy meds cause extra strength doesn’t even help me but when i used to take them they always made me feel like i was in that glee ep where mr schues wife became the school nurse to watch him and gave the entire glee club decongestants and they did rly enthused medleys

[drferox]

Learning to manage veterinary clients

I had my new grad vet (who is not really a new grad any more, she is a big, tough, grown up vet but still likes to pretend there are training wheels on the bike) listen to me talking on the phone the other day. I had a particularly irate client, who in our view was irrational, who I had to handle on the phone. And while it ended reasonably, there are tricks and phrases I’ve picked up from watching other clinicians, and I urge vetlings to watch other vets and learn their techniques for dealing with irate clients.

Identify the Problem

The first thing to do when dealing with any upset or angry client is to identify the problem, and keep in mind people don’t always tell you up front what their issue actually is. Money, or anxiety over money, is a common concern. Others might be more worried about giving tablets, or where the pet can stay while they’re away, or any number of things. If you can identify the problem, and offer possible solutions, that might soothe the client’s worries and let you do your job.

Most people lashing out are not fundamental buttburgers. Mostly they are afraid of something. If you can soothe the fear, you’re doing well.

Another common fear is that you will ‘just put the old pet down because it’s old’ and assuring the owners that they have more options than that (treatments for arthritis, ways to improve quality of life, etc) goes a long way.

Give a little, and ask a little in return

Once you’re identified the main problem or their fears, you can try to do something about it.

For example, if their primary concern is money, you can go through different treatment options and their costs, and how you can space those costs out over time. Not everybody has a lot of cash at hand, but if you give people a budget and a time frame many can save up a couple of hundred dollars to do what needs doing. Just taking away the unknown factor can go a long way to settling a client.

You can also try to find reasonable ways to lower the costs, particularly for long term medications. Maybe it’s cheaper to sent a pre-anaesthetic blood screen to an external lab a day or two before the procedure, instead of doing it on the day. Maybe a 100mg tablet is less than double the cost of a 50mg tablet, so they can break it in half and save a little money every day, which adds up over the month.

You are helping them out, but you are asking for their cooperation to do so. They have to come in on two different days to save money on the blood screen, they have to actually cut the tablets themselves or phone a few days in advance for you to order their meds in. These are really tiny concessions you are asking of this client, but it makes them feel like they are saying yes, like you are now working as a team to address their concerns, and that’s important to actually help the pet.

Even the language you use can help here. “Just let me grab a calculator... just let me look that up.” By asking the clients for something, something they can easily say yes to, it fosters a feeling of teamwork.

Write complaints down

There is nothing quite like writing the complaint down to make people feel like they are being listened to, and it’s super helpful for addressing a complicated complaint to have it in some kind of list format. People who are upset will often get things out of order, and it helps to get things straight. If this is a fact-to-face conversation, try to take notes while facing the client, not turning your back on them to type on the computer.

Take advantage of free consultations

It is hugely useful to be able to offer somebody a free consultation with their pet. And lets be honest, if they’ve being particularly belligerent then they’re going to take up more than 20 minutes of your time on the phone or just talking anyway, you might as well spend ten minutes looking at the animal, it will actuallys ave you time and stress.

Many clinics will offer free post-surgical consults, or discounted revisits anyway, so knowing what you can offer within the clinic policy is a good way to placate some concerns, and let the client think they are getting something for free.

It’s also good in general to follow up your procedures and treatments to make sure they are actually getting better, so you have a record. Then clients can’t claim the pet ‘never got better’ months later if you have a record of them being better, or you can poignantly point out that they failed to come to their recheck, so this limits what you can interpret.

Take care though not to give too much for free. You might make the consult free, but that generally shouldn’t include medication or further treatment as required, unless you’re quite confident whatever is going on is iatrogenic, eg antihistamines for a vaccine allergy.

If you can’t get people in, let them take a photo of the issue and email it to the clinic (do not let them text your personal phone!). It’s better to get them in most of the time, as most people are more reasonable face to face, but some things can be resolved with just a picture. For example, a pet that had hair on their neck shaved for a blood draw and not a suddenly appearing rash with hairloss after starting the medication.

And if all else fails

There are some lovely catch phrases you can use if the client continues to be very unreasonable and you just don’t seem to be getting anywhere.

I am not the vet who treated your pet, I am just trying to get to the bottom of this. - Useful if it’s not you being complained about. Reminds the client that they can be angry, but please don’t be angry at you.

I cannot do anything else about how the prices are set, would you like me to get the practice owner to call you? - This is the equivalent of getting a manager, but it’s why they get paid more than you do. Refer it up, but give them good notes.

Behavior like this towards staff will not be tolerated. - A reminder to not yell or threaten.

If you feel that our services were not up to your standard, you are welcome to seek veterinary treatment elsewhere. - This is a very polite reminder to those clients that they are, in fact, most welcome to leave. You are not going to bend over any further to keep them as a client.

Of course it’s best for your sanity to focus on the good clients, not the bad ones, but you still have to deal with those bad clients from time to time. Listen to how other people do it, and copy the techniques you like.