#this post is unhinged
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Four: Try explaining your fight with Ganon or whatever evil was wrecking your kingdom, but without context.
Wind: Old-ass wizard kicks around some minors while the only other adult is a shapeshifting boat-man who prioritised claiming some triangles. Beat that.
Four: I’m sorry, what?
Wind: That’s how Grandma saw it. But I get it, he did take a few pot shots at me and especially Tetra.
Time: [remembering when Ganondorf, chasing after Zelda on horseback, stopped his pursuit solely to blast a 9 year old in the face and monologue]
Time: Sounds like him.
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Wild: Appointed knight finally fulfills his mission after waiting 100 years to reload his save.
The Chain: What?
Time: That sucks, I only waited seven.
The Chain: What?!
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Twilight: Local ranch-hand stops a nightmare induced apocalypse alongside an imp who’s a princess and a hermit, who’s also a princess.
Time: [clears his throat]
Twilight: After screaming at the moon vocal coaching from a ghost stalking the entire journey, who wasn’t a princess.
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Sky: Local daydreamer wakes up, fights god, and wins.
Wild: I mean...did you though?
Legend: Yeah, jury’s still out on that one.
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Hyrule: Mute kid brutalises pigman after assembling wish granting triangles, and saves the princess. He does it again years later.
Wild: You were silent back then?
Hyrule: Well, I couldn’t speak because I didn’t know the language. After saving the first Zelda she asked members of the nobility teach me- and how to read and write.
Twilight: Did you bite them when they tried to scold you for getting an answer wrong?
Hyrule: You did that too?!
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Warriors: Pairs of powerful fighters from across the ages band together to defeat creepy time sorceress, then conquer red-maned wizard.
Legend: Ugh, the power of friendship. Really?
Warriors: Comradery, actually.
Legend: [mimicking his tone] Cringe, actually.
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Legend: Which one?
Four: Choose your favourite.
Legend: [thinks for a moment] A scarf wearing hooded hobo breaks into my house on several occasions and stages a coup to save two worlds.
Four: What...were you doing?
Legend: [sighing] All the hard work.
~~~
Thanks for reading!
Masterlist
9th place in the LU character design ranking
Character analysis posts:
Hero of the Sky, Hero of Time, Hero of Twilight, Hero of the Wild, Hero of Warriors
Parkour team - LU drabble
How each member of the chain laughs - LU headcanon
I didn't know what to do for Time since I've already made the speedrunning puberty joke and I don't know much about Four's adventures.
#this post is unhinged#i headcanon that hyrule and twilight grew up in the wild#finding civilisation a little later in their childhood and therefore being late bloomers in education#linked universe#lu fic idea#lu fic ideas#linkeduniverse#lu#lu incorrect quotes#linked universe incorrect quotes#lu time#lu twi#lu twilight#lu wild#lu warriors#lu four#lu hyrule#lu sky#lu wind#lu legend#lu drabble#lu headanons
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Yall remember this scene from Hazbin Hotel?
If he’s so hard right then
Where is… yknow… the hard?
THIS IS HAZBIN HOTEL, THE SHOW ABOUT MURDER AND SEXUAL CONTENT.
AND SHE CANT EVEN DRAW THAT TO MAKE THE JOKE ACTUALLY FUNNY
VIVZIE ARE YOU AFRAID
ARE YOU SCARED
#clarification#I do not want/need to see that#but it bothers me#vox#hazbin hotel#vox hazbin hotel#velvette#hazbin hotel velvette#the vees#hazbin hotel vees#valentino#valentino hazbin hotel#this post is unhinged#alastor#hazbin hotel alastor
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I have literally no where else to say this and I’ve already told too many friends that I can’t keep telling them because it’s redundant and I KNOW I’m over a year late on this, anywhere between 1-4 years late really but -
God I finally listened to the album and watched a slime tutorial of Beetlejuice the musical and I’m ravenous for Alex Brightman as Beetlejuice. Like regular actor Alex is cool on his own yes, but I’m talking about Beetlejuice. That nasty green scruffy ghoul. I want to devour him I want to do unspeakable things with him I want him I want him I am desperate to absolutely destroy him and then go riding that really cool prop snake with him after and do other naughty demon stuff.
#this post is unhinged#I am extremely homosexual for that man#Beetlejuice#Beetlejuice musical#idk this is so late to the game but I’m dying over here
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PSA for fanfic writers
#writeblr#fanfic#writing#fanfiction#my art#I say this a lot on the unhinged discord#so I made a little graphic to post instead#1k#10k#20k#30k#40k
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deepthroating a gun without breaking eye contact...... he put his entire gongyussy into that | SQUID GAME 2
+ the video because the sound he makes when he puts the gun in his mouth? [redacted]
update: he improvised that. the man really said i'll go full slut.
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#my beautiful unhinged wife..... you know the salesman is an utter freak on the streets and in the sheets#i watched one episode of the new squid game for the plot#the plot: gong yoo showing off his lack of gag reflex <3. he gloc on that glock etc.#the way he drags his bottom lip down with the muzzle of the gun sjhfsgfjhfgkj. redacted redacted redacted.#anyway. new username to celebrate#he put his entire ahjussy into his performance here. his ahjussiussy. his ahjussussy. you get it.#mutuals/followers from my old asian drama blog remember when train to busan came out in 2016 and for one and a half months#and i slipped back into my obsession and i was just a gong yoo shrine? ;_____;#i'm on the brink of regressing.......... help.....#also pardon the quality realised only after exporting that my grain was too strong -.-;#gun tw#blood tw#gong yoo#squid game#squid game spoilers#squidgameedit#netflixedit#tvedit#kdramaedit#uservik#chewieblog#userbbelcher#userisaiah#it's been a while i forgot what other tags there are…#long post#you know what.#gay#i cannot read salesman/gihun fic because i dislike ljj with a burning passion though.....
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women cannot possibly be fucking more robots than men, i ALONE fuck like hundreds if not thousands of robots
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have realized that while i am not a fan necessarily of "people meet and immediately fall in love" i am a fan of "people meet and are immediately obsessed with each other." the love can come later but the absolute fixation should be immediate
#important text posts#about me#vegaspete and xuexiao in particular come to mind#it's the 'how unhinged does this look from the outside' question maybe#if it just looks like two people hitting it off and being cute together right away then eh not my thing#if it looks like two people who have suddenly zeroed in on each other in a way that makes others go 'oh that doesn't seem good'#i'm there baby
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Penelope: cupping odysseus's face: I would gut us both and entangled our intentions. I will stitch our skins together and tie us into knots you will never be able to unravel
Odysseus: peppering kisses across her face tearing up: that's the sweetest thing anybody has ever said to me
The rest of court watching them: uM
#epic the musical#(And technically this works for the odyssey too)#Penelope#Odysseus#Odypen#Post canon my beloved#Unhinged penelope my beloved#Body horror i guess#Body horror as flirting#Dony worry odysseus is into it he's also a possessive rat bastard and he also never wants to leave ever again please and thank you#Penelope is just as insane as her husband and I will die on this hill#Also headcanon that odysseus peppers 20 kisses across his wife's face whenever she says something like this#Yes they are also blushing and crying while this happens#Yes they are also sitting on each other#Yes this did happen while they were holding court everybody was very concerned
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THEY CALL ME HOMEWRECKER
pairing. established!cait x reader ft. older!vi
content warning. eighteen+, some freaky toxic shit, caitlyn lowkey a bad girlfriend, reader a freak, and violet’s just there for a good time, ooc!vi mostly, strap!sex, threesome, jealousy, cheating, some good ‘ole drama, public!sex, slight voyeurism if you squint.
#thank u to my boo @sinstear for helping me facilitate this madness and giving me even more ideas for it. and for @shouyuus for always supporting my gay panicking. still crying about it. as always, eighteen+.
since the two of you were struggling financially, you’ve always stuck by caitlyn’s side. throughout all of her business endeavors, one finally stuck, the restaurant on avenue street, and god is it ever so booming. weeks of hectic hours turn into months of hardly seeing her due to her schedule always being on the flipside of hers.
all of it was so excruciating.
over the past few months, the cracks of your relationship fall over like a tsunami waves, crashing repeatedly into the shore. you try to talk about it with her — the two days out of the week when you actually see her — but she’s always too tired.
too this.
too that.
nothing you do is ever enough. it doesn’t matter if you set the mood just right, candles light with rose petals on the bed, buying a new lingerie set to attempt to peak your girlfriend’s interest.
“baby, it’s been months since we’ve had sex? do you just not want me anymore? caitlyn reassure you she does but makes no move to give you the relief you’re so desperately seeking. deadly kisses turn stale in your mouth, the bitterness of her stagnant need tastes like the dark chocolate on your tongue.
“just—“ caitlyn grunts as she gently shoves you off as her back turn away from you “not tonight.”
you’re so close to cry, to calling this relationship for what is, a colossal failure. deciding to cool down before offering her the proposition, the one you’ve been thinking about for a while now. no matter what you do, you love cait too much to call it quits. you have to fight for who you love, no matter the cost. this is the only choice you can make…right?
droplets kiss your skin, an oversized shirt hits your thighs as your feet pad away from the cool tile, the dampness of your hair touches the cotton as she looks at you, exhaustion written all over her gorgeous face.
“what if we opened this up? let someone…in.”
shyly, you mumble. and you expect some lewd response, anger, a finality to the end but you’re met with relief. “i think that’s a great idea, love.”
but caitlyn would live to regret those words. “just one night with someone else.”
the both of you agree.
all of it happened organically, that’s what you were her for. caitlyn was close and made sure not to hover. the stipulation being the two of you had to be attracted to whoever came home with the two of you. it’s when you spot her, checking you out from the other side of the bar.
“hi, cupcake.” her voice is sultry but her rasp velvet smooth.
“o-oh, u-um, hi—” you readjust shirt, the swell of your breasts threatening to spill from the tight top you’re wearing. she’s the hottest woman you’ve ever seen. soft lines on her face to resemble her age, but fuck, she’s so pretty.
powder-blue eyes resembling the sky as she checks you out from head to toe, unable to keep her eyes off of you. she can’t stop looking at you as you squirm underneath her blunt gaze.
“who’s the blue haired woman behind you? girlfriend? she looks like she wants to kill me for getting so close to you.” with a fierce sense of confidence running through her veins, she plays with the pretty silver chain hanging from your neck.
“she is my girlfriend but we have an understanding.” the nerves from your initial impression of her dissipate, as you step closer to her. “we’re on the hunt for someone to fuck our brains out, especially mine it’s been a little too long.”
"how long?"
the curoisty slips out before she can help herself, eyes falling back on your tits again again as you cross your arms over your chest, tongue running over your lips as the tattoo peeking out from her the underside of her neck.
“long enough.”
but caitlyn interjects, slithering her way as she immediately starts caressing the mystery woman’s forearm. it’s difficult to pretend there isn’t a sting in your chest when she so easily touches someone else without a second thought.
it isn’t fair, that’s all you’ve wanted, an ounce of her affection but it seems it just takes a certain kind of woman to get her going. on that doesn’t love her the way you do, one that’s hotter, sexier, and definitely has more experience than you.
caitlyn is all over her, all night. vi, as you’ve come to learn, is much older than you and cait, more successful than you could ever dream of, and she damn sure knows how to sweet talk. you can’t help but feel a little left out as you sip on your martini, courtesy of vi.
excusing yourself to freshen up, not that you believe either of them would notice, you wash your hands, splash some water on your cold face to calm yourself. it’s crystal clear, she always wanted to have sex, just never with you.
there she stands, proud and tall, with hope in her eyes like she’s found the missing piece of her puzzle. “so, she’s perfect, right? i mean we really hit it off. the both of us, right?”
you nod, “yeah, sounds perfect, cait.” but she’s too fucking horny too nice the clip to her name or the bitterness in your tone. she’ll have her fill and you’ll be stuck on the sidelines, again. she’ll do anything but acknowledge this relationship for the farce it is.
you should have known, all the signs right in front of you to see, and now it all it took a pink-haired goddess to show you the light. she’ll get her pussy wet for anyone who isn’t you.
“great! i’ll tell her. i’m so glad we decided to do this, love.”
love.
the irony of her burning affection nearly causes you to throw up.
still, you’re incessantly scrubbing at your hands, the skin feels raw, the top of your fingers wrinkling like prunes. the last thing you want to do is meet them out there. the gorgeously, very-fuckable stranger who your girlfriend can’t get enough of. you should have just done the right thing, put the relationship to bed along with the rest of your dignity. now you’d have to watch who you thought was the love of your life, get off right in front of you.
then she’s here. vi. with her beautiful face, her cologne that smells of vanilla and mahogany, her perfectly fit body, making you feel more insecure than you’ve ever been.
“you alright, princess? if you have second thoughts just say the word…”
“nope.”
with a violent urgency, you keep scrubbing the soap into your absolutely clean hands, bending over the counter slightly to rinse them when you feel her behind you, gripping at your hips. she reaches over to shut the water off, handing you a few paper towels to dry your hands.
what the fuck is she playing at? why isn’t she sucking caitlyn’s face off?
“i have something else in mind—” vi leans over as her hot breath kisses your ear, “and it has to do with this pretty, little skirt on the floor.”
“oh, vi, we should really go and meet caitlyn, she—” but you can’t talk, not when she starts stroking the silky skin of your thigh, pushing the hem of your skirt up just a hair.
“you sure about that?” vi crawls her playful hand underneath the hem, playing with the panties covering your cunt, teasing your slit through the delicate lace. “i had my eyes set on something i want to try first.”
“o-oh…kay, well, it’s really not the best idea. please, can we—"
“so you really want to princess? something tells me, you’re dying to have this pussy eaten, fucked….stretched. i have a perfect hot pink cock for you to get fucked with, a mouth to please you, and a good set of fingers for you to bounce on.”
before you realize what’s she’s doing, her heavenly hands dip inside your panties, splitting your folds like the red sea; as god intended. she groans in your ear when she not only feels, but hears how soaked you’ve become, hot breath setting your body aflame.
“how does that sound, princess? want me to take care of you?” you grind against her pelvis, back arching into her as she slips a lone finger inside you. you moan so high, it nearly sounds like a scream.
“mmm, shit, ahhh, that’s—”
becoming very aware of the public setting, anyone could walk in the door at any given moment, you try to refute but you’re struggling to find the words, as she curls her finger inside you, establishing a steady pace.
“what? don’t think of caitlyn now. she certainly didn’t care before, did she? let me guess…she left you and your vibrator to your own device, pressing on that pretty clit of yours, hoping she’d jump in but she couldn’t.
“she couldn’t do what needs to be done—” vi bites and sucks at your neck, you crane your body towards her in submission, giving the older woman all the access she needs to tear you apart. “but i can give you whatever you fucking want, princess.”
it doesn’t take anything else before you’re attacking the older woman with your lips, her tongue invades your mouth as she surges for dominance, gripping your plump cheeks through the small amount of fabric covering them.
immediately intertwining your finger through her hair as you tug on her roots, as your skirt rides up against almost rising completely as vi pushes you through the first open stall she sees. not giving one flying fuck who hears her.
“needed you first, you know that? couldn’t help myself as soon as i saw you. god, just you wait until tonight.”
you shake your head as she pushes the your skirt to your hip bones, ripping your panties off with one single rip!
“tonight?”
“yes, pretty girl, tonight. m’gonna make her watch while i fuck you on my cock.”
pressing her knee with force in-between your legs, an animalistic moan tumbles out before you could even stop yourself.
“c’mon, ride my thigh, sweet girl. that’s what you want, hm?”
vi’s strength centers you in like gravity, allowing you to slide further up her trousers, your folds fluttering against the friction, allowing the crease of her perfectly-ironed slacks to push against your soaking pussy.
“god, fuck her for not wanting to fuck you. i’ll fuck you all night if you let me.” vi grunts as she watches your body writhe, tits bouncing as chase your high.
“fuuuckkkkk,” you hiccup, so close as she pushes a thumb in your mouth, effectively shutting your mouth for a moment as you suck on the digit. swirling your tongue around her finger, pretending she’s fucking you with a strap instead.
“such a good girl for me.” pulling off with a delectable pop, she presses against your clit, blissful patterns being traced on your bundle of nerves and just with a few strokes you’re done for. falling fast and hard.
“vi, vi, oh fuck, baby, viiii—” a drawl of her name as she abuses the bundle of nerves, the ache for her full attention and freely does vi give it.
you fall into her chest, whimpering as her incessant need to play with your clit does nothing to help you calm down — all she does is rile you up.
fuck, caitlyn.
not a day in your life had you thought of being interested in someone so much older than you, but god you’d never come apart like that. not so quickly and not ever quite as hard. she knew what you liked without uttering a word.
the swipe of her thumb felt like a stroke of god, as if she was one, giving into your mundane pleasure, helping you close in on what seemed like an impossible finish.
this wasn’t part of the deal. shit, you’re so fucked.
“turn around.” you obey.
a pathetic servant willing to get it’s pay.
she slaps your ass once more, a whimper tumbles and vi eats up every second of it.
“how bad do you want my cock, baby?”
“so bad, please.”
“good. you’ll show me…in front of her.”
—
“just like that princess, fuck, you’re so goddamn pretty.”
violet’s hands steady your hips as you ride cait’s cock, the strap stretching you out to the heavens, vi guides you in perfect rhythm. you know you should feel bad, but you can’t stop staring at vi, her perfect eyes gleaming as you moan out her name.
not cait, vi.
“love—” caitlyn’s voice is drown outed when vi is looking at you the way she’s does, the way you’ve been begging your girlfriend too but she only does when there’s someone else giving you what you’ve been desperately craving.
“how does it feel, cupcake?” vi whispers in your ear, “does it feel good when you fuck yourself on her cock?”
without warning, vi slaps your ass as you jolt forward, the silicone cock slipping deeper within you, kissing your cervix as vi keeps her hand on your lower back, guiding your movements.
“f-feels really good, vi.”
vi kisses down your neck, biting at the skin before she presses her scarred lip against your ear.
“i know it does, princess. been wanting this for months, huh? don’t worry about a thing. i’ll take care of you.”
vi smirks as she sees caitlyn stirring with fury, bold pair of blues ignite under the fire of someone else seeing what is so rightfully hers. she hates this, knowing someone else is talking you through it, touching your skin, soft lips kissing the ample skin of your neck.
truthfully, she’s never been a jealous person. as the rises at the break of dawn and sets in the cool evening, caitlyn truly believed she’s the one for you — no one else could dare compete.
it’s caitlyn and you.
but suddenly it doesn’t feel like the two of you against the world.
it’s vi and you, the anxiety bubbling in her stomach feels catastrophic, so she fucks into you, making you squirm with need. but still, you’re so entangled in vi, you don’t even notice her.
the night hadn’t started the way caitlyn planned — or wanted — but she lapped at your cunt as vi instructed her to do so. she’d been vying for an ounce of her attention. truthfully, she’d settle for either one of you, but the two seem to enthralled with one another to even notice her existence.
but fuck, you’re her girlfriend. only hers.
but when you’re close, you ask vi for permission to come. it’s vi’s whose name you scream out when you start falling apart on caitlyn’s cock. it’s vi rubbing your clit, whispering sweet nothing in your ear as you see stars, it’s vi who pulls you into her lap as you cling onto her for dear life, as if caitlyn’s touch feels poisonous.
nothing makes sense.
when caitlyn thinks for a moment, she’ll get an ounce of attention, vi handcuffs her to the chair across the bed.
“what are you doing?” dark blue eyebrows furrow as her, eye squinting harshly.
“you’ll get your turn, be patient.” vi scolds, but she has no intention on following through on her promise. this is to make a mockery her, to show her exactly what’s she been missing.
in the full nude, she walks over to the night stand, grabbing the harness, and makes sure everything is just right for you — the hot pink dildo protrudes, just as she promised. the pink bush she’s sporting matches deliciously as her happy trail follows up her lower abdomen.
caitlyn wants to curse at the wind when you immediately fall in obedience, commands fly off vi’s tongue and you adhere to her wishes. the first has your mouth wrapping around her pink cock, she gently thrusts, lubricating the plastic with your tongue. your hands twisting vi’s pierced nipples, playing with the silver barbell, taking pride and joy when her breath hitches.
“lay on your back for me, yeah?” vi doesn’t waste another beat.
with reckless intent, she slides in, every inch of her saturated in your warmth. you waste no time, fingers woven through her hair like a thread through embroidery. her pink hair becomes nothing more than a leash for you tug on, each powerful thrust to much, too soon — but you also are too terrified to let go.
"take it, princess. just like that—" violet pushes deep, clinging to her broad back, scratches made in tandem when she delivers a brutal pace. "tell her how much you love my cock."
there she sits, jaw slack, mouth open so wide she could catch flies.
vi can't tell if you she's crying and part of her almost feels bed until desperate pleas of her name fall from sanctioned lips. violet smirks as she looks back at caitlyn, waiting for the inevitable moment of her crumble.
there's only so much one girl could take and violet knew she had to be hitting her limit. soft please of, babygirl, falls on ears that only hears vi's instruction. deviously, violet smirks as she watches caitlyn realizes exactly what as going on.
but it's too late.
you're already far out her grip as your grip onto violet for dear life as you come apart on her cock, moaning louder than caitlyn's ever heard.
you're never loud, even when the two of you did have sex, it's always been quiet.
sweet. soft.
nothing about this is tender as your squirt all over her bed sheet, effectively sending violet over the edge from watching you come, fucking you harder as you moan into her neck, sharp teeth sinking into her collarbones.
to sink the final dagger in her heart, you initate violet's lips locking in yours, a smashing of desire reaches it's fateful end. caitlyn watches as you lose yourself in someone else, someone older, wiser — her stomach churns as she desperately tries to break free of the restraints.
she's been made a fool of, a mere mockery just for wanting to try something you suggested. but the jealousy falls around her, she's not strong enough to watch you enjoy getting your brains fucked by someone who has everything.
for the first time in her life, she feels you slipping through her fingers.
"would you stop touching her? this is over. we're done with you, vi. she's my girlfriend, get off her." bitterly, caitlyn sneers.
"oh, she does?"
with a roll of her strong hips, vi thrusts deep into your pussy, you clench around her, arching your back as you cry out for your lover's touch.
"well, i hate to be the barrier of bad news, but she's not done which means neither am i. so, enjoy the show, cait. you sure have paid a pretty penny for it."
#❝ ⋮ ⌗ ┆𝐫𝐚𝐲𝐫𝐚𝐲 𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐬 ❞#um … so … i wanted to write something filthy/toxic and this is that.#this was supposed to be a blurb but.#i’m a little insane.#this is just me being unhinged and bored. so.#im posting too much. i’m crawling back in my 15k vi series im building. see ya at some point.#vi#vi arcane#arcane#vi x reader#vi arcane x reader#vi x you#vi smut#vi arcane smut#arcane x reader#league of legends arcane#caitlyn kiramman#caitlyn kiramman x reader#caitlyn arcane#vi x caitlyn#caitlyn x reader#caitvi x reader#(ᝰ.ᐟ) arcane works.
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a lot of the popular "queerbait" ships are just "these two characters are friends / they stood close together once" but every once in a while i'll stumble into an unfamiliar ship tag and see shit like "in episode 169 Scrungko gives Blorbis multiple prostate orgasms with an anal vibrator while pretending to date him" and like. idk what the hell is going on there. but if it's not queerbait then they just invented something even more insane. maybe y'all are right sometimes.
#also this post is not an exaggeration bc i literally saw this in a post today#it's always sunny in philadelphia#iasip#<<< i'm not kidding what the HELL is happening in that show. how are they even still on air what season are they on#macdennis#I think that's the ship name idk. anyway i don't go here but y'all seem a little unhinged and i can't even blame you#theo.txt#100#500#1k#2k#5k#10k
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i personally like to think instead of Tim putting on a siren or something when he gave warning for the whole blowing up LOA buildings and stuff he played Blow by Kesha and figured they’d get the hint (it worked surprisingly well). I just think it’s funnier if we let tim be extra cunty even when he’s literally having the worst time in his life :D
i also think it’d be hilarious if like a couple years down the road the batfam still has like no clue what tim did while he was on his bruce hunt. like whenever they ask he just gets a haunted look and says “you don’t wanna know” and calls it a day. but somehow(maybe ra’s sent it to them for some power play type thing???) they get footage of this specific instance. and all of them are looking at tim in varying amounts of horror(except jason, because i also like to think he’s the only one who sees through tim’s normal human mask and sees him as unhinged as he is) and tim has to be like “well shucks guys i needed a little bit of humor in my life at the time idk what to tell you”
#red robin#tim drake#unhinged tim drake#crack post#batfam#batfamily shitposts#this made me giggle#dc stands for disregard canon
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Tim Drake’s Unhinged Power Move (ft. Marriage, Ra’s al Ghul, and an Uncomfortable Batfamily)
No one really understood how it started. One moment, Tim Drake was Red Robin—tired, overworked, and fueled by caffeine. The next, he was dropping a bombshell in the middle of a routine debrief:
“Oh, by the way, I married Ra’s al Ghul.”
The room froze.
Dick’s dumbbell hit the floor. Jason choked on his beer. Damian’s sword slipped from his hand. Bruce, staring at Tim like he’d grown a second head, barely managed a strangled, “Tim. What did you do?”
Tim took a sip of his coffee, utterly unfazed. “It’s a power move.”
Jason, wheezing with laughter: “Oh my god. You married Ra’s out of spite? Replacement, I’ve never been prouder.”
Tim smirked. “Something like that.”
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It wasn’t really spite.
Ra’s had been obsessed with him for years. The offers of succession, the constant attempts to lure him to the League—it was never-ending. Tim was tired. Tired of being hunted, tired of the games. So, one day, he called Ra’s’ bluff. If Ra’s wanted him so badly, he’d have to deal with all that came with it. Including Tim’s unrelenting need for control.
Ra’s agreed.
And just like that, Tim Drake became the most terrifying in-law the batfamily had ever seen.
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Talia didn’t know what to think at first.
She’d seen it all before—people manipulated by Ra’s, twisted into tools for his will. But Tim? He didn’t play by those rules. He sat at Ra’s’ desk, sifting through League reports like they were Gotham case files. He didn’t bark orders; he made suggestions. And then, the soup happened.
Talia returned from a mission, bruised and exhausted. Tim, barely looking up from his paperwork, said, “Sit. You’re hurt.”
She scoffed. “I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity. It’s soup.”
Talia stared. “Why?”
Tim shrugged. “You looked like you needed it.”
It became a routine. She’d return from missions, and Tim would be there. Not with judgment. Not with manipulation. Just quiet support. He listened. He offered advice. He treated her like a person, not a pawn.
Somehow, they started having regular bonding time. Shopping trips. Quiet conversations on the balcony. Tim became a person Talia could trust—a concept she hadn’t believed possible.
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Damian was losing his mind.
“Drake!” he hissed, cornering Tim in the Batcave. “You’ve… corrupted my mother!”
Tim raised an eyebrow. “Corrupted? She’s thriving.”
“She smiles at you!”
“I’m very charming.”
Damian’s finger trembled as he pointed. “This makes you… my grandmother.”
Tim smirked. “Respect your elders, grandson.”
“I REFUSE!”
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Bruce was spiraling.
“Tim, this is dangerous.”
“Relax,” Tim replied, sipping his coffee. “I’ve got it under control.”
“You married one of our greatest enemies!”
“Think of it as an undercover op,” Tim said, voice calm and unyielding. “I’m playing the long game.”
Jason, from the sidelines, grinned. “He’s playing 4D chess, and you’re still on checkers.”
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The Real Chaos?
Tim didn’t marry Ra’s to make him happy. Hell no. If anything, it made Tim sick to his stomach knowing Ra’s was smug about it. But if putting up with Ra’s al Ghul meant protecting Talia, stabilizing the League, and giving Damian a family that didn’t break apart at the seams?
He’d endure.
Because Talia was healing. Damian’s mother was smiling. And Ra’s… well, Ra’s thought he’d won.
But the real winner? Tim Drake.
Gotham’s most unhinged vigilante had just become the League of Assassins’ terrifying step-parent. And honestly? It suited him.
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Damian, whispering to Alfred: “I need… therapy.” Alfred: “We all do, Master Damian. We all do.”
#tim drake#batfam#talia al ghul#ra's al ghul#grandma tim drake#league of assassins#tim drake power moves#damian in a crisis#tim joins the league in the most unhinged way possible#I want to see tim and talia bonding#tim would be the greatest step parent ever and you can't convince me otherwise#he literally raised bruce out of his grief#talia deserves to be cared for and tim is going to be the greatest step dad for her because she deserves so much#tim helps talia be more present in damian's life and somehow ends up parenting the rest of the bat kids as well#with the exception of tim of course#brain rot and silly post moment
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the qualities of Bunny are
-Two Long Ears (or anything resembling ears such as horns/antennae)
-Fluffy
-Round Shape (some nuance here esp for hares)
with secondary characteristics being
-Long Feets
-Mischievous little guys
with this philosophy much more can be Bunny than just rabbits. You Too can be Bunny . open your eyes and hearts
#not heritage post#if i had an actual pet rabbit i would be normal i swear#the longer i go without petting a rabbit the more unhinged i get and its been like since april
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i feel like percy is the type of fighter who would laugh if a monster ran away from him out of fear. but annabeth is the type of fighter who would call them a coward and run after it.
#bonus points if this happens at the same time#percy jackon and the olympians#pjo text post#pjo#pjo headcanon#percy jackson#annabeth chase#percabeth#percabeth headcanon#percabeth being the cutest couple to ever not exist#percabeth fluff#percabeth for the win#don't fuck with percabeth#they're both a little unhinged but what can you do
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Captain, I'm sorry to report that the vibe is absolutely in shambles.
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PIDW but it's a game.
You play as Luo Binghe, the lowliest disciple of Cang Qiong Mountain Sect's Qing Jing Peak. The first part of the game proceeds more or less like a semi-normal fantasy dating sim -- Luo Binghe is bullied and downtrodden, but can seek help and opportunities to build relationships with various female characters, like Ning Yingying and Liu Mingyan. The game's interface implies a truly staggering number of potential romance candidates to unlock, however, so it makes sense that the first part in your disciple years doesn't get you very far in any of the routes.
But then for the second part, things start to shift. You get an option that seems to amount to asking whether you want to make things better for Luo Binghe or not. When you click the obvious choice, that you do, your previously cold and ruthless shizun seems to go through an inexplicable change of heart. You get a weird kind of fanservice-y scene featuring him during the Skinner Demon Mission. Then he features extremely heavily in the Demon Invasion Mission, only to turn up as your companion in the Dream Demon Mission.
After that, it seems like you've gotten onto his route, somehow? Why does the scummy male teacher even have a route in a game like this, though? You try to check for player guides but you can't seem to find any. You try reloading older saves and making other selections, but no matter what you choose, you end up finishing the Dream Demon Mission by moving into Shen Qingqiu's house, and the routes for Liu Mingyan and Ning Yingying and the briefly-encountered Sha Hualing are all greyed out.
But maybe that just means they're inaccessible for advancement for now, or something. And a lot of games have plot points that are on rails, and you can see where Luo Binghe actually getting a place to live would be one of those things. The format of the game changes as well, going from a relatively loose sequence of scenes and interactions to a daily management style, where you have tasks to complete (make shizun breakfast, go to morning lessons, cultivate, do chores, etc) and only a set number of hours in which to complete them. You have affection points, but any time you try to spend them on anyone other than Shen Qingqiu you get an error message. There are dialogue options for flirting with other characters, but they're always greyed out and impossible to select.
Still, you can unlock scenes. A lot of them are just long slow shots of Shen Qingqiu doing things, like reading, or lecturing, or eating. You get missions, and sometimes you meet female characters who seem to unlock new possible romance paths, even though they're still constantly greyed out. Maybe this part of the game's just especially on rails? Waiting for the actual harem-building segment? You kind of like a lot of aspects of it anyway, though. Luo Binghe is an especially compelling character, not at all like the usual sort of non-entity placeholder main guys in games like this. He definitely has personality.
But then you get to the third part. The Abyss. Shen Qingqiu pushes Luo Binghe in, and suddenly you're wondering if you've somehow reached a bad end. You were saving up some of those affection points for later, maybe you should have spent them all on him? Was there something you did wrong to make this happen? You're not even sure why he's thrown poor Binghe away, he was cold and cryptic about it, and now you're wondering if all the time you spent distracted by other things was time you should have spent farming a better relationship with him. You can't help but wonder where you went astray, because Luo Binghe will not stop wondering about it, and wondering about it in ways that make you feel oddly like he is accusing you, the player, of making the wrong choices... but in a way that could still plausibly be aimed at himself, as a character. You feel bad. You kind of want to restart, but you also can't bring yourself to abandon Luo Binghe. You have to see this through, to help him make it to the other side.
Regardless, the Endless Abyss seems like it must be an inevitable plot development. A lot of the game shifts to account for it. There's even an option to essentially select this "thought" from Luo Binghe's internal diatribe, that this is inevitable, and it seems to turn off the litany of recriminations for a while, although sometimes it also results in Luo Binghe... glaring at the screen?
At you?
Anyway the daily management system goes out of the window, and instead there's an energy bar now. Encounters with monsters or the occasional demon woman will lower the energy bar, how much depends on what you choose and how the encounters proceed. Sometimes there are romantic/sexy responses for interacting with the demon women you meet, and they aren't greyed out, but if you try and select them the cursor will jump to another option. You think there might be something wrong with your mouse? Sometimes you get Luo Binghe glaring at the screen scenes afterwards. When Binghe's energy bar hits zero, you're offered two choices -- "sleep" or "think of shizun". Sometimes even if you pick "sleep" the cursor will still jump to "think of shizun", and you'll be treated to another one of those slow lingering scenes of Shen Qingqiu. Except they are becoming increasingly strange, obviously warped by the exhaustion and trauma of the situation, so that aspects are eerie or even disturbing. For example, sometimes Shen Qingqiu seems to be missing limbs, or eyes. Sometimes there's blood on his hands. Sometimes the food he's eating is rotted, or the bamboo house background looks like the Qing Jing Peak wood shed. That kind of thing. You don't mind the idea of harm coming to the man. He deserves it, really, for pushing Luo Binghe into the Abyss. But the few times you try and select options along those lines, the UI glitches again.
Also the "think of shizun" option only restores a quarter of the energy bar, whereas resting restores all of it. But if you try to go for too long without doing it, it will lock you into choosing it successively for a long time.
In addition to the energy bar, there's a calendar. It's not all that sophisticated or even consistent, and it's clearly meant to reflect the fact that Luo Binghe has troubles accurately judging the passage of time in the Abyss. However, the longer you spend in the Abyss, the more violent and unhinged things start to become, and the more the UI starts glitching to reveal disturbing messages, and the more often Luo Binghe "glaring" scenes happen. So you decide to do your best to get Binghe out of here as quickly as possible. This part of the game must be broken, but hopefully if you can make to the next segment, it will work properly again.
Eventually you get to the Xin Mo Mission, which is the last part of the Abyss section, and Luo Binghe escapes.
But the weirdness continues. Worsens, even. You still get missions to like, take over the demon realms and infiltrate Huan Hua Palace, all cool stuff, and you still meet girls who seem to unlock possibly romance paths. But most of the time everything is greyed out. There will be 5 dialogue options but maybe only 1 or 2 of them will be selectable. Parts of the menu are inaccessible. You don't have an energy bar anymore, you have a Xin Mo corruption bar, and it just keeps steadily rising. Sometimes you're presented the option of propositioning a character to "mitigate corruption", but if you try and click it the game glitches or the cursor freaks out and it fails. Sometimes the game crashes outright, and when you reload your last save, it starts with Luo Binghe glaring at you through the screen. You still get the "rest" and "think of shizun" options at times, but neither one helps the corruption bar.
Then. Jinlan City. You reunite with Shen Qingqiu. There seem to be a lot of options for acting vengefully towards him, but they're all greyed out, except for a few which let you chase him down or manhandle him a bit. The whole segment is frustrating, full of weird fanservice-y moments but also mired in how little Shen Qingqiu will say, how often he insists on evading or running away, and how Luo Binghe doesn't seem to have the right prompts to actually get him to explain himself. At times it seems like the "think of shizun" mechanic is bleeding over into the real interactions with the character, so that you can't tell what's really going on vs what are the manifestation of Luo Binghe's trauma or even hallucinations. The Xin Mo bar has maxed out. You have to catch Shen Qinqiu. Catch Shen Qingqiu. Catch Shen Qingqiu--
Then suddenly the bar is at 0, and you're watching Shen Qingqiu's lifeless body fall towards the ground, his energy expended in the effort to push back the corruption. Like, all of his energy.
You catch Shen Qingqiu. Or at least, you stop his corpse from hitting the dirt.
Now the game art is crisp and clean again. All the weird UI artifacts and blocked-off menus are either gone altogether or else working properly. The sound, which had been very gradually deteriorating with low-pitched ringing and muffled portions, is normal. You can hear characters gasping and distantly shouting, and birds chirping somewhere, the ragged cadence of Luo Binghe's breaths, while the camera focuses on Shen Qingqiu's body.
Huh, you think. That's a sort of dramatic resolution to that plot arc, and it raised more questions about Shen Qingqiu than it answered, really. But at least it's over with now? Does this mean Luo Binghe can finally start to recover, or advance other plots?
Then everything blacks out. You get booted to the main menu, or something that looks like it, except the only option you can select now is the New Game+ one.
When you click it, it seems like you've started the whole game over again. Except that there is a Xin Mo corruption bar, greyed out, already waiting for in a corner of the screen. And instead of starting out with a view of Qing Jing Peak, you start out with the young Luo Binghe looking directly towards you. Like he's staring through the screen. It's the basic starting point character, except he already has his demon mark on his forehead, and his expression is way more cold and calculating than anything the junior protagonist would have worn.
"Don't get in my way," he warns.
Then the game proceeds like a visual novel with extremely limited choices. The old selections and the menu for various romance routes don't even appear, the menus have all changed again, this time oriented entirely around hiding Luo Binghe's demonic cultivation (while building it) and managing daily choices and Shen Qingqiu's relationship status. A romance game with only one romance route, and it's the treacherous crusty old teacher? Wtf? But otherwise it seems almost normal, except for the special faint-lettered red options that sometimes appear in weird places on the screen, suggesting things like preventing the Skinner demon from catching you unawares, or saving Shen Qingqiu from Without a Cure poisoning, or keeping out of the Endless Abyss.
Those options seem like they should create different outcomes, and you click them whenever they show up, but they consistently fail. As if there's some other force in the game pushing things back onto the rails no matter what you do...
Anyway, eventually you get through the main plot again, and Shen Qingqiu dies once more. This time the game keeps going from that point, however, with quests to try and find ways to resurrect him. You're starting to wonder why you're still playing -- after all, you signed up for a harem game, not this tragic gay love story? You're not even gay! It's just that Luo Binghe is such a compelling character. You decide it's time to take a break, though, so you get up, do some stretches, go to the bathroom, etc.
It feels like someone's watching you.
You've definitely been playing that game for too long. Sometimes you think you catch sight of Luo Binghe's face out of the corner of your eye, in the bathroom mirror or on the black surface of your phone's screen, just before you turn it on. But when you look twice or turn your phone off again, nothing's there. You call your little sister, to apologize for dropping off the face of the earth for a bit, and you joke about getting too invested in this weird game that might be broken? She hasn't heard of it, but she sounds a little worried as she suggests maybe coming over and taking you out to lunch, or something.
You decline -- she's got a lot on her plate, and she mentioned already having plans earlier -- but then you promise to get some fresh air anyway. But when you go to head out, somehow you find yourself turning away at the last minute. You try again, and yet it's like you just keep getting distracted before you can open the door. After a few tries you give up, swallowing down your growing unease. You take off your shoes and coat. When it comes to it, you really do want to find out what happens to Luo Binghe next.
The game is running.
You don't remember turning it back on...?
The screen is focused on the familiar image of Shen Qingqiu's preserved corpse. You can see Luo Binghe's hand in the frame as well, transferring qi in yet another familiar sequence, the one that seems to run at the end of every in-game day. There's some text.
Is it you? the red letters ask, scrawling and flickering, as if someone is attempting to write directly onto the screen. Are you the one behind all this? Thwarting me at every turn?
Yes/No options appear in the game's usual font and position. You try to click "no", even though you're unsure and feel like you must have missed a scene somehow. But the interface warps and when you hit "no" it changes to Stay Silent.
I can't figure out. Are you here to help me, or get in my way?
Help/Harm. You click "help" but again it changes to "stay silent" afterwards.
What do you want from me?
This time there's no option to select at first. Then, as if being shoved onto the screen by some alternative function, a text box opens up. Like the kind that some games have for implementing cheats or selecting character names. This particular game has never shown such a function before, Luo Binghe's name was locked in and you don't even know if it has cheats. The cursor blinks, and somehow it feels as if you have only one chance, and if you don't take it now, it will be gone forever.
You type in "help" and barely manage to hit enter before the interface blinks out. No list of prompts or possible options appear.
Shizun? the red text scrawls, shakily.
Then the whole game crashes.
You wait, but it doesn't start up again. You try to run it again, but you can't find it on your system, somehow. Really weird. Even if it had crashed, it shouldn't have gotten deleted? But you still can't find it. You start to feel genuinely alarmed. Not only can you not find the game on your system, but when you try and search for it absolutely nothing comes up. You try and go to the online shop page for it, but you can't remember where you actually got it from in the first place, now that you're thinking about it.
What bullshit is this?
What, was the game actually some kind of virus? It couldn't have been. Also who would make a virus like that? You get up and pace, trying to make sense of it.
It's gotta be some kind of mistake. Maybe you've just missed too much sleep, you're not thinking right. You'll take a break and when you come back you'll realize that you were just looking in all the wrong places, somehow.
You head over to the fridge to grab something to eat.
You can't remember the last time you went shopping, but the food in there is probably still fine. Right?
#svsss#scum villain's self saving system#bingqiu#scum villain#long post#shen yuan transmigrates into another new game+ with unhinged frankenbingmei/ge#good luck user!#this system exists to ensure a satisfying gamer experience!#the hell it does#refund! refund!
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