#this post has been a long time coming But Thats My Life Update Yall.

[ap-sadistics]

ive been working on my portfolio for art school applications for the past several months and the deadline for one of the colleges i wanna attend is coming up real quick and im not fucking done and im stressed and ive been So Stressed that ive had a persistent eyelid twitch for my right for like a week and its so fucking annoying i want to stab my eye with a fork when will FUCKING STOP DOING THAT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS IS BASICALLY COLLEGE APPS *PEGGLE 2 JUMP* 2!!!!! I CANT BELIEVE IM RELIVING ONE OF THE MOST STRESSFUL TIMES OF MY LIFE AGAIN (SHRIEKS INTO A PILLOW) 4 YEARS LATER AND IM LITERALLY STARTING COMPLETELY OVER AGAIN

[thisdreamplace]

making deeper connections

i feel like i havent really updated in a while but i guess if you keep up with my asks, you probably get some type of random updates that way. lmao also this post is messy and informal warning!! lol

so anyway, i guess this is almost like a midpoint check in because i do have another challenge im doing thats coming to an end soon, which will constitute as yet another update on my experience. yall i ramble too much im sorry lmfao

anyway!!!!!!! things have been good. i haven't really shared much of my recent success because i tend to be a bit private about things that really mean a lot to me. on top of that, i am really trying to get it drilled into my head that i am the most important manifestation there is in my reality, as in a successful change within me is the most important manifestation there is for me. its really all about mastering my inner world and that is my motivation/focus right now. however, i will be sharing some of my successes soon!

which seems weird in hindsight because its like we all come here to get things. but then we stay because we find this journey is much deeper than we thought it was. but thats besides the point

thats why i started listening to dylan james' affirmation tape in the first place. im moving into week 2 and things started feeling a lil like a rollercoaster since the end of last week. i felt really amazing/confident the first few days and then kind of got wobbly towards the end of last week. but dylan said when going into week 2 it's a good idea to play the tape throughout the day as background noise so ive been doing that and it's been helping me feel a bit more stable.

yall!!!! can i just say tho!!!!!! my connection to trust/faith and the way life is unfolding rn since i started listening to the tape is just...... amazing to say the least.

but i wanna say something about my experience thats going to be hard to explain but im going to try!! so lately i keep having these glimpses. i talked about this in my 30 day challenge i recently completed, and that was when the glimpses started. ever since starting this new challenge and especially since listening to dylan's tape, they happen much more often and they're lasting for longer.

so basically its like i am starting to be able to tap into these states that i really feel connected with who i really am? it's often either really peaceful/calm/comforting or sometimes it exciting because i can see that this world is mine and its just one big game-like dream for who i truly am.

because of these glimpses i got this thought: "i am at peace with XYZ" and omg it was such an intense be still and know type of moment. basically i was having a lot of anxiety and then i thought, "i am at peace with this anxiety being here" and reminded myself that it actually doesnt mean anything. then i had a glimpse of understanding from tapping into my Godself, like i truly understand that this identity and this feeling of anxiety doesnt mean anything and isnt an obstacle to my true self. this is why we can have anything we desire no matter what. anyway, then i just actually felt at peace. because i didnt feel like this anxiety meant anything or like it was getting in my way. like we can co-exist and it doesnt mean anything bad or that im doomed. its just here for the passing moment and thats okay.

so that brought on relief. but i'll say man, things manifest in such strange ways sometimes. this rollercoaster has been something lmfao. but even so, every so often ive been getting a little excited? because i feel like omg this is my chance to reject the old story and persist in the new one! and that can feel kind of exciting at times? sometimes it feels like a drag lmfao but sometimes it feels kind of liberating. so thats cool.

and yeah so thats where im at right now on this lil journey. also idk why in my personal posts i dont use punctuation but in my asks i use proper everything like tf lmfao

also i be excited to sleep at night bc i love listening to the affirmation tape. i havent easily slept so early in so long haha

as always!! there is no one to change but self.

happy manifesting!! 💖🌈💫🌺

[damagedsmile]

//Hullo hullo everyone, just flying in here with an update & I apologise for taking so long about it.

So its been a tough time for everyone with C-19. Ireland is going into another lock down. I hope yall are taking care & regardless of your opinion on the matter, I hope yall are being respectful & safe.

Life has been abit topsy-turvy for me. Im learning that grief is just a series of moments where, when you least expect it, you spontaneously combust with tears. Ive had good days but a lot of days where it do be just hanging on by your nails & wondering when the rabbithole ends. So basically I'm at a point where I really don't know how I'm going to feel the next hour, the next day... yanno. I've had moments where I feel ready to return here & do something small but that feeling always changes to the opposite; I'm being careful with discerning what is a manic whim & what is real. I think that's a very important skill for anyone in this position or with mental health issues to learn, so im learning something new this past while.

I have not been able to write anything or draw for months now. Its very frustrating & depressing in itself as I am a creative person & often feel smothered when unable to create. I just have no energy or ideas & am very resentful of myself for feeling things that disrupt my hobbies. But I know i need to feel & go through this so am not pressuring myself. I'm focusing on keeping myself clean & fed & practicing good sleep hygiene; once I can master these three fundamentals, I can focus on other things.

Its funny, I think, that life experiences can alter you so much that you forget how to be human in that you find yourself forgetting to eat & unable to perform daily self-care routines & unable to show love towards those you know you love dearly. To sum it up, I think its fair to say this is the lowest point of my life & its been both horrible & eye-opening. I feel like a burn victim, without skin, everything hurting & tiresome & feeling seperate from myself & my former life. In that same perverse way, that part of me is abit thankful for c-19 because it means I don't have people coming close to me & hugging me & generally being sympathetic: I find im loathing that behaviour now. I don't want to be the person whom suffered a great loss that everyone needs to comfort, I just want to be a person that people treat like normal.

I opened the door the other day to a Traveller woman trying to sell me bedsheets & she said "ah take that, it'd be a grand present for your ma" to which I said, "my ma's dead". It was easier to say than I thought it would be & it was actually a relief to say it & receive a fumbling apology, "I'm sorry, my ma's dead too." I appreciated that more than receiving a hug or a pat on the back. Not that a stranger would do such things, but yanno. We had a moment like saluting each other & I bought pillows off her, the end.

I hope I'm making sense. I hope no one takes offence to this. This is just my feelings, my journey. I've been calling myself a child of grief, making this journey to a port in a storm where i can start a new life on that port & begin anew once I've shed this old skin thats dried out from salty tears.

I've been playing TS4. I started the Asylum Challenge on medium difficulty. I have Joker there ofc with 6 others. I did have 8 Sims but Jared Leto died in the pool (he went for a swim instead of sleeping ffs). We've had 1 Asylum baby that was adopted away for obvious reasons. Currently Enoby Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way is trying to get with Rob Zombie's creepy twin, Bob Zombie. Joker is hitting it off with my Sim whose aesthetic is inspired by Emilie Autumn. I called her Kathryn Wheel cuz of the torture device/HIM song.

I got two rat kittens for Valentines Day (not sure if I've told you before). They're Fancy Rats but with blue colouring, which I've never seen before in breeds. I called them MizPah & BoBoBetty. The Precious got a new snake, a BEL he calls Helvita but i call her Boo.

I got my hands tattooed a wee while ago which wasn't as painful as my neck but painful enough that I'm relieved theyre done & healed up. I'll try remember to post pics whenever. My memorys been a bit scatty with meds. Im also working on losing weight again so I've been very tired & grumpy when I'm not huddling in a nest of blankets growling at The Precious when he enters my space. The only way he earns my trust each eve is to give me coffee & tell me im being very good. Is this a joke? YOU be the judge...

Anyway. Im alive & still working on myself. I thank yall for your patience & support, it means a lot to me knowing my friends on here are rooting for me. I'm toasting yall rn with my iced coffee (still trying to perfect the recipe but im getting there). I hope yall are doing well & are happy, safe, & healthy. Remember I love yall & wish you all the very best, even if I'm not present or feeling sociable. We'll all get through this, i promise you. Remember that you only really see light when things are very dark 💜

[moonfire3]

THE ACCIDENTAL WAR LORD AND HIS PACK- The Witcher Au FanSeries.

LET ME TELL YALL A THING ABOUT THIS AU! IT IS, in my opinion, THE BEST WITCHER AU IN EXISTENCE! IT GRINGS ALL THE ELEMENTS OF THE SHOW AS WELL AS THAT FOLK-LOREISH FEEL OF THE BOOKS TO A STORY NARRATED BY JASKIER! WHO SINGS ABOUT IT IN PURE, UNDESTILED JASKIER FASHION TO THE POINT THAT I WILL KILL A MAN TO HAVE THE EVER TALENTED KARLIENE DO COVERS OF THE SONGS!!

THE STORIES JUST KEEP GOOOOOOINNNNNGGGG!!! BUT IN A REALLLY GOOD WAY! YOU KEEP WANTING MORE AND YOU KEEP PREPARING YOURSELF FOR THE SOUL-CRUSHING DISAPPOINTMENT THAT TOU WILL HAVE TO WAIT FOR AN UPDATE BUT YOU DON'T!

BACKROUND CHARACTERS GET ATTENTION! CIRI IS A HELLIAN WHO HAS BEEN RAISED BY GERALT AND THE WITCHERS AND AUNT YEN HER WHOLE LIFE!! YEN HAS A STABLE FACTION OF PEOPLE WHO LOVE HER FOR HER PERSONALITY AND VALUE HER CYNICISM!!!

LAMBERT GETS A GIRLFRIEND!!!!!!! WHO ACTUALLY ADDRESSES HOW HARD IT IS TO BE A WOMAN IN SUCH A PLACE AND AGE WITHOUT GOING, "Hggg! Its soo hard being a beautiful rich girl cause no one ever realizes that I'm smart too!" SHE SAYS, "Being a woman in any time really sucks sometimes. Particularly around the full moon."

EVERY GODS DAMABLE TIME JASKIER STATES HIS TITLE, I MELT AND DIE OF PRIDE AND JOY FOR THIS PRECOCIOUS MAN WHO FINALLY GETS EVERYTHING HE DESERVES FROM LIFE!!!!!!

I am of the sound belief that everyone, everywhere should read this work that quite frankly should also be adapted by Netfilx whether you are in the fandom or not. THATS ANOTHER GREAT/AMAZING THING; YOU DONT NEED CONTEXT OF THE BOOKS OR SHOWS TO READ THIS! Yes it helps and is way better if you do, but not required.

Link to the series https://archiveofourown.org/series/1683661

This has been a very long ranting text post. That you for coming to my TedTalk.

[reeree1500]

The Return- Part 10

Disclaimer: YALL IM SO SO SO SORRY.😭😭 I have been horrible and not updated this story for at least a month.😬 I can explain though... University has been kicking my ass and between that and my co-op placement at a law firm.😅 Ive had absolutely no time to do anything😩 BTW IVE MISSED YALL SO MUCH❤️And Ive read all your messages and asks. And yes my mental health is now better and y'all are so understanding and supportive 💕 honestly could not have asked for a better group of individuals☺️❤️

Part 1 part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 part 8 part 9 Part 11 

Anyways onto the storyyyyy.....

Warnings: ANGSTY AF (kinda figured out that im probably a smut and angst writer at this point🤷🏽‍♀️), sucky ass grammar and spelling like always, my cliche imagination and the fact that Im probably a horrible human being😬😩 Also made it extra long cuz I felt baddd 

PLEASE DONT KILL ME FOR THIS ONE😬

Taglist: @yanii-the-hippie @oceans-daughter-3 @peaceisadirtyword @laketaj24 @camatsuru @youbloodymadgenius @calum-hoodwinked-me @cutegyrl927 @wuxiesalt @readsalot73 @cindy-exo @affection-rabbit @amy8220 @mel0nch0ly @queenofallthyfandoms @limbo-limbo-limbo @ragnarssonsbitch @supernaturalvikingwhore @ifihadwings128 @paintballkid711 @jenny-the-lover @funmadnessandbadassvikings @blonddnamedhandz @hallowed-heathen @pinkrockstar19 @ivarthethiccness

Sorry if I missed any of you💕 Lemme know if you want to be tagged. Also requests are open, and I’ve got a ton of them to do and finish. Hopefully Ill be able to post them soon enough

Arthur’s POV

“Arthur please! Open the door my love, I know what it may seem like to you, but I assure you that its not.” (Y/n) pleaded from the other side. I sat down on the mattress in our chamber contemplating whether or not it was true. Should I believe what my wife so desperately is trying to reassure me off. Or should I stick with my gut feeling and tell her how I have felt for the last 4 years. Her constant pounding on the door finally gets to me and I make my way to open it. “I wish to be left alone at the moment (y/n).” Her arms circle around my waist and I can feel her face wetting by back with tears. “Arthur please, talk to me. Why have you run off. You know that I love you. I do not want him, all he does is bring me pain and you take that away. So please, talk to me!” (y/n) murmurs into my back. As much as it pains me to do so I pry her hands off of me and sit us down on the bed. All I do is long for her touch, but this is not okay. I cannot keep feeling this way and go on pretending that I could have ever stood a chance against him. “(y/n), look at me. I love you and I always will. But its evident that you love him. and I honestly can say that I know I will never stand a chance against him, because the thought of you possibly running back to him has always been on my mind since the day we got married.” 

Her eyes showed so much pain that confessing this felt as if I was driving a knife through her heart. “Arthur, I love you. What can I do to show you that. Yes I confess that I was in love with him, but that was long ago and I have left it in the past in order to build a future with you. Whom I love and who I share and will continue to share beautiful children with. So please don't shut me out, Arthur.” She says leaning our foreheads together and holding my face in her gentle hands. “Ok, however I want to be able to process things by myself. So I have decided to have the guest room across the hall prepared only until I figure things out.” With out giving her a chance to fight back, I place my lips on hers and savour the kiss as if it were our last. Meeting her eyes was something I wanted to avoid as I knew that just looking at her broken expression would make me change my mind. I hastily make my way out of the room, but sneak a quick glance over my shoulder to find my wife staring off into the direction where I once sat. With tears streaming down her eyes...

Your POV

What had I done? Why was I such fool to not see what my husband was clearly going through? Millions of questions rushed into my mind about how to go about this situation. I loved Arthur, I was clear on that. But he spoke the truth, there was something in me that could not let Ivar go and it took hurting my husband and Ivar to figure that out. As I sulked I forgot about the doctor whom I had asked to see me earlier. I was having really bad stomach pains and my breasts were more tender then they had ever been. So I wanted to make sure that I was not sick, as that would have been the last thing I needed on my plate at the moment. “My Queen, are you alright? Do you wish to push back this appointment, I dont mind coming by later when you're better.” The doctor spoke from behind me. “Yes, it seems so. Ill let the servant girl know if I need you doctor. Im sorry for the inconvenience.” “Nonsense your majesty, it is my pleasure to serve you.” With a bow the doctor retreats from the room and Im left to my own thoughts once again...

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“(y/n), wake up... its seems that you fell asleep on the floor. Come on I’ll help you up.” Upon hearing Hvitty’s comforting voice my eyes flutter open and I cant help the tears that song come down my face like a cascade. “(y/n)! are you alright are you hurt anywhere? Why are you crying?” Hvitserk’s eyes scan my face and my body looking for the source of my pain, which is held in my heart, but he’ll never know that. “Arthur... He...” I try to find the words to say. “What! What did he do! Did he hurt you? I swear ill kill him!” With that Hvitserk tries to let me go and run out the door, but somehow I manage to stop him. “Hvitserk, No! He didn't hurt me. I hurt him... He believes that Im in love with Ivar, and I fear that their maybe some truth to it...” I say just above a whisper, with my head held low. “(Y/N), Ive known that since before you were married. It was obvious, but I would never say anything to you because I found that it was best if I kept such observations to myself, before I found out about your father.” Lifting my head and staring directly at him, I move my head to the side with a puzzling look. “What do you mean about my father, Hvitserk?” Hvitserk now mirrors the same lost look that I have on my face. “I thought thats why you and Ivar had gotten together, because Ragnar’s not your father...”

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Ivar’s POV

“Aghhhh!”Is the sound that comes out of my gritted teeth when the medicinal herbs are placed on my face. “That hurts like a bitch, get out! Ill do this myself if I have to. GO!” I yell at the servant girl who tried to cleanse and tend to the cuts on my face. “Ivar,  please let the servants tend to you. I still cannot believe that Arthur punched you in the face. Hehehe, you deserved it though, how could you question the paternity of his children and not expect him to want to kill you?” Bjorn laughs as he chugs the rest of his drink down. “Well, if you actually cared about your children and the heir to your throne, you’d also be quite upset to find a Christian King claiming to be their father. Those children are mine! And its pretty evident, just look at Marjorie. She's my spitting image.” I snarl at him as the anger begins to rise in me again. “Ivar, thats your mistake and why you’ll never get (y/n) back. You believe that everything should be yours. And that people are things you can govern over, but they're not. Because those are children. And yes they may be yours, but you cannot take away what they have known because you want to be selfish.” He says with a stern look on his face, whilst getting up from his chair and making his way to the door. “Now get ready and fix yourself we have a intimate dinner to attend to with MY sister and the love of your life.” Unbeknownst to us, there was Freydis on the balcony listening to our whole conversation. And little did I know that it would come to be the thing I regretted the most.

At the dinner I notice (y/n) sit on the opposite side of the table from Arthur. This wouldn't have affected me if it wasn't for the look on both of their faces. They seemed distraught and broken. Arthur masked it well, but (y/n) was an open book for all of us to know exactly how she felt at that moment. Not much talking happened, besides Marjorie and Erik shouting at each other on who was better at riding. They reminded me a lot of myself and all I wanted was to tell them the truth, that they were my children and that they would go back to Kattegat with me to learn about the true gods and not the fable that had been told to them about their so called ‘God’.” “(Y/n) are you alright, you do not seem quite like yourself tonight.” Bjorn states with a concerned look that we all share. Even Arthur looks a bit concerned, but his body language makes it seem as if he is alright and nothing is wrong. “Sarah, could you please put Marjorie and Erik to bed? Its getting late for them and they have their lessons early in the morning.” She says with a stern and cold look in her (e/c) eyes. “Su...sure your majesty. “ At that Bjorn stands up as if to accompany Sarah, but is quickly stopped by (y/n)’s icy glare and venomous words. “Sit your ass down.” At that we all look astonished, but Hvitserk only stares at her with sadness and what seems to be sympathy. He must know why she is like this then. 

Bjorn slowly sits back down on the table. A shocked look graces his face, as he cannot comprehend why she is acting this way towards her beloved older brother. “How long.” Is all she grits out through her teeth. “What do you mean, (y/n)?” My eyes meet Hvitserk’s own and the realization dawns upon me. She knows...

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Your POV

“Stop with the bullshit! I cannot take anyone else lying to me!” I scream as I bang my hands against the table, stunning everyone in sight. “How long did you know that Ragnar was not my father! How long have you kept the truth from me! How long have you known that Athelstan was my father!” I could careless about everyone staring at me as if I was a mad woman. I had been lied to my whole life. All I had known had been a lie, and the people who I trusted the most in this world had been the ones keeping it a secret from me. “(Y/N)... I..I’ve know since the moment you were born. But father had sworn me into secrecy and I could not break a promise. This doesn't change anything though. You are still my sister and you will always be.” Bjorn says in a haste as tries to come closer to me, but I step back and move as far back as I can. “Did you know? Tell me! Ivar did you know that we were not siblings!” Ivar didn't even have to answer. I knew from the look in his eyes that he too had been lying to me. 

“I knew.” Arthur says staring right at me. “I knew that you weren't his daughter and I knew that Ivar wasn't your brother. But I kept that information from you because all I wanted to do was have you by my side. I’m sorry, for the pain I have caused you (y/n). Im sorry for being selfish and not telling you the truth, but I now see that I was wrong and as of tomorrow you are free to go back to your country. I promise that your title and lands will not be taken from you or from the children. May they be mine or his. But I cannot go on with this facade anymore.” Arthur says in the most calm demeanour as he stands up and comes to me. “You hypocrite! How dare you make me feel like shit for harbouring feelings for Ivar when you knew all along and knew that my whole life was a lie.” I scream as I run at him and slap him across the face. But before I can get another punch in I feel a strong grip holding me from behind. From the shocks and the utter feeling in my stomach I knew it could have only been Ivar. As I try desperately to release from his vice grip, my whole world comes crashing down when Sarah enters the room. With blood all over her.

“Your highnesses...Erik.... he.. he..” She tries to say through her shock. “What! What is wrong with my son!” Ivar, Arthur and I scream at the same time. “He.. he’s dying!”

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We all simultaneously run after Sarah towards the doctors quarters. Ivar with his brace on, manages to run faster than all of us and busts the doors wide open. if I wasn't so worried about my son or upset about the fact they all knew Ragnar wasn't my father, I would've been impressed. “What are you doing! Get away from my son!” At that Ivar rushes towards the doctor who is bleeding Erik out. Grabbing him by the collar he slams the doctor on the wall and his sclera go into bluish hue, showing that he is in danger of breaking a bone. “Ivar stop it! Let the man go, he is just trying to help.” “Help my ass! I will not let you harm my son, do you understand me! I will not let you harm him!” At that Ivar lets the doctor go, but not without staring him down. And the doctor looking like he is about to shit himself. Rushing to Erik’s side I notice something strange. The colour of his skin is now fading and his eyes have bags under them. But what hits me the most is the memory of Uncle Rollo teaching me about poison. “He doesn't need to be bled, he needs medicine. He’s been poisoned...” 

“Mama! What is wrong with Erik! He will be okay right? He has to be okay!” Marjorie begins to say as she shakes with fear. Before Arthur or I could say something to console her, Ivar bends down and takes her hands in his. “Marjorie, listen to me. Your brother is a fighter and so are you. After all were related aren't we?” Ivar says as he lifts her chin. “Yes..I suppose that we are. Is it true what they say though? Are you our father?” At that Ivar turns to me looking towards me for permission. At this point I think to myself how hard it was to learn my whole life had been a lie and that I would not want that for my children, so I nod. “Yes, Marjorie I am your father. And no your mother is not my sister. It was something that we had to say because she needed to be kept safe.” He says ever so calmly. “Safe from who?”She questions “From my mother. Your grandmother.”

Cough*Cough* Spurts of blood cover me in seconds. My attention becomes focused in on my son again. “Where is the damn antidote! Please someone hurry!” At that Hvitserk runs into the room with a small green vial. “Here take this it should help him. Lagertha gave it to me before her and father left. Something about it would come in handy some day. Here.” Shoving the vial in my hands I open it quickly and lift Erik’s head. “Drink this Erik. It should help you, my darling. Please be strong, I know you're scared, but you’ll be alright ok. Everything will be ok.” I say through tears. Today had been the worst day by far. “Mira... please help my son. I know you're always with me, but please help me now. Pray for my son and ask God to save him.”

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A few hours had gone by and nobody had moved from the room. Arthur sat on the chair next to the bed with his elbows on his knees, looking straight and focused in on Erik. Bjorn and Hvitserk sat by the fireplace and were wetting some towels so that we could place them atop Eriks head. I sat on the bed next to my son and caressed his beautiful face hoping for a miracle. I had dismissed Sarah and told her to take Marjorie with her, but she would not budge. Sarah left, but Marjorie stayed and sat in Ivars lap asking him if Erik would pull through. Ivar was sweet to answer as best as he could, and I could tell that he truly cared for his children even if his demeanour wasn't the greatest. I knew that deep in my heart I would have to let him get to know them, but it still hurt especially knowing that he now was married. “Wait, where is Freydis? I haven't seen her since yesterday.” I say looking towards Ivar. “I dont know earthier to be honest, she's probably looking at some damn flowers anyway. Its best if she's far away anyway.” “Why would you say that about your wi-” “she's not my wife, at least not yet. Were not actually married, (y/n). I just said that to piss you off.” Taking a deep breath I go to stand up from the bed in order to fetch a bucket of water and some new cloths. Instead I end up on the floor cradling my belly, with a burning sensation in my chest and blood pouring out from my mouth. “(Y/n)! Mama!” I can hear the shouts around me. “Fetch the doctor! Now hurry!” The voices around me begin to fade and not before long I can feel myself drifting away.

“My baby... Save my baby...” And with that everything turns pitch black...

[chroniclecollective]

i guess a life update lmao? where do i start exactly.

well for one, more stuff about my ex has been coming up for me, a lot of them being things she was doing to me or making do that were very controlling and manipulative. the fact that ive dealt with all this nd i Completely ignored it for so long until 5 months later after the breakup? why did it take me so long?

ok uh two. ive been in quarantine for 41 days since my job officially shut down due to covid19. i miss my coworkers so much, they were the only steady ppl i had in my life nd being able to laugh with them nd crack jokes nd see each other after work hours to hang out, smoke, jam out to music nd just. be ppl in their 20s yknow? ive been able to see one previous coworker who i hold dear to my heart a few times but it was only for a short time nd we social distanced. weve been stuck at home with our families the same amount of time nd just desprate, we ended up sitting in the parking lot of our job nd just talking for a while. i miss her a lot

three, the old host came out of dormancy after 4 years. i think he made a post or two on here already but that just rlly was a lot for me? bc originally he was host but then i formed like. fully? i existed but i called myself jimmy as well bc i didnt have a name for myself yet. once i chose the bodys name i kinda started fronting more solidly nd finally was host, nd jimmy still fronted but he was spiteful nd angry that i was taking over his life. i do regret that nd i regret pushing down this stuff nd denying him nd everyone else existed. hes doing alright for now, he doesnt front as often but hes active again.

four, i split abt two weeks ago. im still not 100% on if thats true, or if she was just dormant, but theres a new part whos very. how do i put this. thing emo girl in middle school but shes in high school. shes nice though, which is cool. but she deals with missing people frm where she says shes from? i dont believe shes a fictive or factive at all, she just seems very confused as to whos life she basically got dropped into since shes a cis girl. i can communicate with her pretty well surprisingly? cecile says thats bc she split frm me which ig makes sense but yknow. just weird

five, after consideration, once quarantine is over nd my job opens up again nd i can work, im going to save up for as long as i need to nd hopefully ill be able to pay for my first car nd save up for rent. the friend i mentioned earlier said she wouldnt mind rooming with me nd one of my supervisors, nd i was thinking abt asking my close friend abt if he would be interested in splitting rent. he wants to get out of his house, he just needs to find a job once quarantine is up nd i think he can do that

oh yeah finally thing thats rlly nice actually...i have a boyfriend now! im not gonna talk abt him in specifics, but hes a system host as well nd i love him dearly, nd he loves me just the same nd its very. refreshing frm all my past relationships so im cherishing him a lot ahhh. ill probably give him a code name of some kind if i feel like it.

alright so yeah, thats a bit of catchup for yall. also i know theres asks in my inbox, but i havent had the energy to answer them. know that i saw them nd ill get to them eventually. some i may delete if im uncomfortable though.

edit: oh yeah, with ceciles approval finally, we have a system journal of sorts. i only wrote in it once, nd apparently the new split off part did too, but ive been very. nervous to read it. idk what she said

- lee

[pwnyta]

Nobody ASKED for any of my shitty Pokemon character doodles... BUT IM IN A MOOD.

SO yall have to deal with it.

This is under a read more so dont come at me about it being annoyingly long. Blame Dumblr. Theres a SHIT TON OF DOODLES UNDER THE CUT.

First off I wanted to give Holly a whole classroom of friends... it wasnt GONNA be an all girls school... but I kept crankin of little girly Mons....

I dont actually have a shiny Darumaka or Eevee... but theyre two of my favorite shinies...

I drew these four after so theyre a bit different in style. Shiny Swirlex has the same excuse as the other two shinies... I just love the shiny colors

They also needed a teacher so I repurposed one of my older characters because I thought itd be funny to have a swan teacher... cuz swans are so scary but they care for their babies well.

Darla and Delilah can be bothered with threats because theyre safe with Mr Shandra.

Mikhail only takes classes that are small enough to fit under his wingspan so he can keep them all safe. And Eva and Tiffany learn from the best and just get pissed off like their teacher.

((Hes more bark than bite though... hes not a great fighter and a double weakness to Electric? Garbo. But he puts up a convincing enough front.))

And because he was a swan I gave him a life mate. The only other being that gets any softness from him.

He was an ex pirate.

Mikhail has no interest in criminals!!! So the captain gave up the pirate life and married a very short tempered bird and gained a lot of weight...because I wanted him chubby.

---

‘’Spider’’, Esi, and dear ol Dad. Despite Reds best efforts to keep Esi out of Osborns hands he still ended up an immensely shady bastard but at least hes not as broken as ‘’Spider’’.

I didnt finish their moms because I couldnt settle on a design for Spiders mum....

Now Spider works for Caedere his beloved boss who would never ever lie to him ever. (Hint: Spiders nature is ‘naive’)

---

I tried revamping Ray and Hebanon...  but Ray still gay as hell for his boy.

I bullied Sparky a little. He’ll probably be fine even if Rays got a Mega evo. Its the name of the game Ray... hes supposed to knock his opponent out... you cant get pissed when ever Hebanon gets fucked up in battle.

---

Did I post these? Am I ever gonna finish these character sheets? No. And look I forgot the most pressing detail of Zippos and thats his fuckin Arbok mark on his back. IM A FOOL.

Kreetan and his mum and dad.

So many little comic things I’ll never finish because theres too many and instead of just stopping and finishing something I keep adding to my unfinished doodles instead. This is why I dont take requests or anything.

I time where Leif and Cyndy actually grow up?

THEY ALL HAVE CAT EARS.

Zippo is curious.

.....AS A CAT.

Polly is here too!! And shes ready to punch someone RIGHT IN THE NOODLE.

I also thought itd be nice to draw out some other Chars of Zippo and Crizs generation.

Theyre.. as you may have guessed are not finished yet.

Clem is a timid lad, Mira... not so much. Very brave

Addy is a modest princess type

Jubilee is a sassy lass.

And Criz. A sweet bashful boy whos never done anything wrong and certainly will not die because no one would be cruel enough to let that happen.

((EYES EMOJI))

Babby Clem, Addy, and Jubilee.

WHO’RE THESE ASSHOLES?!

---

Updated Mistletoe. One spooky righteous(in his own mind) lad.

She only looks stoic to start... but shes quite the weirdo.

She just got here and shes ready to go home. What a mood.

Now for some less polished individuals....

Meh meh meh lookit me IM OMI. Im gonna put three of the exact same Pokemon in the same group so Pwnyta has to suffer tryna come up with different designs.

...But I do like them. I imagine that they remain Ekans because they wont need the mark of their tribe so no one will no where they come from. So spooky.

I was torn between the codename ‘Sundown‘ and ‘Daybreak‘ for Crobat.

By day hes a wholesome trustworthy priest... by night he tortures people for a shady shady bug man. He’ll determine if youre truly innocent.

Doc has to deal with all these fuckin weirdos... he just wants to be a doctor... BUT AT WHAT COST DOC?!

This is a sequel to the doodle comic I was makin in a previous post... Kop and Doc develop an interesting friendship (In Kops mind. Its more a ‘stalker with a crush’ situation) But hey if Kops not being paid then hes got no reason to hurt Doc.

...Docs a fun character to bully because hes so smarmy and small.

---

AND NOW FOR SOME SCIENCE BITCHES.

A man of few words and an intense curiosity with mortal beings and his own existence.

A spooky lad who doesnt quite mean to torment his subordinates... its just his Pressure.

Id imagine his form changes are a bit like Iron Man in IW when hes fighting Thanos.

I drew some more science bitches...

Some casual clothes for the original three stooges.

Shes deaf Franz! She cant hear you.

Ya know IDK if itd be ‘canon‘ that they all met as kids... I just thought itd be cute. Little psychic babies all doofin off together... the most troublesome one being asleep 90% of the time due to being an Abra.... and narcoleptic. Abra sleep so much naturally... Geller sleeps even MORE... thats why hes so incredibly smart even for an Alakazam.

I had a whole little redo sketch comic idea of Mewtwo breakin loose and fuckin shit up.... (its never been finished)

Franz tries to put him to sleep. (it doesnt work. He needs Emanuel and Nola to save him and he gets his arm broken for bein such a cheeky lad.)

Mewtwo doesnt have too much of a problem with Geller due to his soft spot for kids and pure desire for knowledge... but if hes gonna protect the other assholes then PERISH.

Dont worry though big boss Deo wont let his subordinates die let alone the second smartest after him... and saves them all pretty easy. A sharp tentacle arm through the chest will stop even Mewtwo.

Some booboos happen tho...

But hes fine eventually and finds his ex wife home watchin the kids.

Shes promptly expelled.

Geller also goes back for Dilla and steals him. Lifes too short not to adopt an ancient fossil baby.

Emanuel isnt delighted... but he doesnt have the heart to call the authorities on a man who risked his life to save him.

Fossil Mons come in two types-- Resurrected fossils which have the skin color of the primary coloring of their Pokemon form so they can be solid black or blue or red or w/e... Ancestors of ancient Pokemon have normal skin tones.

And another comic sketch idea... where Geller and Roswell are gifted with some fancy new Mega stones... Ros? Not too keen on the idea hes seen what can happen to a bitch when they Mega Evo... he aint got time for that. Geller goes HARD for SCIENCE.

Ros: Geller I know your a spoon guy but stick a fork in that bastard cuz hes done. COOKED. If he thinks im riskin my ass for his bullshit. Lets go tell him off together (im scared to go without you...)

Geller: We experiment on living things all the time for the sake of scientific progress.... are we really too good to be subject to our own studies?

Ros: YES. ABSOLUTELY.

After seeing Geller use his without hesitation, putting his body through a world of hurt for the sake of SCIENCE!!! Ros couldnt pussy out on his boy...

His Mega is just FABULOUS and now he loves it.

--

I was also makin a team with the Pokemon that have the highest stats (non Legends/Psudos/Megas) but I got bored after Blissey. She has a Togekiss wife I didnt finish either... Oh well.

Shes a bold lass and prefers double battles with her support wife. She doesnt like using dangerous moves as its in her nature as a Blissey to heal.

---

(I forgot his whiskers... OH WELL)

I wanted to give Flaminio some people who missed him after he got spirited away by his Ghosts.

After he disappeared people looked for him but he was never found and years and years went by and people stopped looking. Even Clove and Ceto had to move on.

Koban is a loyal bitch though and he never let it go. He still wants his friend back. Hes an old boy now... so old people probably call him ‘Nekomata‘ and wonder when his tail is gonna split.

[hugsfromdad]

Hey kids,

How is everyone?

It's been a long time since I've done a check-in post and I've recently been feeling a real need to reconnect with all of you on here.

TLDR: my life is really busy and crazy and theater hasn't been good for me but I'm surviving. I miss y'all sm and want to hear from you. Whether it's anon, message, comment, or reblog. I have next to no freetime rn, but i really want to reconnect and am gonna try my best to be present on here more.💗

My life update: I've been so enjoying not being on instagram and just focusing on myself, healing and growing, and the few real relationships I have outside of social media. However, it's been hard cause I realized just how few close friends i actually have and the desperate need I have for friends who live nearby me. My two current best friends live 3.5 hours away, and in Colorado... So not someone i can hit up to have supper with and get a hug from when im having a tough day. And ive been having quite a few of those recently.

Joining theater has been...an experience. My mum has helped me to realize that i joined this production with expectations of making new friends.... Those expectations, as low as i thought they were, were wrong. It's like being in a ridiculously intense class with kids who already all know each other. It's not a clique, and I'm not being excluded, but it's like trying to break into a world where i dont even speak their language, and I'm still deciding if i really even want to.

I've been spending 3-4 days a week, 3hrs+ (sometimes 10hrs) per day with these people, for now 2 months--and I still dont know more than 3ish facts about the majority of them. A couple of them i have been able to get closer to-- but only because I found a time outside of practice hours to get to know them.

This has been really difficult for me. A lot about this situation is triggering for me and bringing me back to my bad years when I knew and spent time with a lot of people, but felt really alone and had no friends... So, it gets kind of scary when im already having a bad day and i go to practice. I have to be really careful and intentional of staying on the road when I drive home because my suicidalness kicks back in real strong...yeah, it's that bad. But I'm being careful and open with my mum and therapist about this all.

On good days, I kind of maybe consider doing this again. But in actuality... I dont want to. I'm not really having fun and I don't want to put myself through this again. I dont have a passion for this and I would need some really good, close (location-wise and friendship-wise) friends in my life, and in theater, to be able to enjoy doing this again.

So yeah... That's THAT whole situation. I'm counting the days til it's over... 20. Closing night is on my birthday... Best present I could get. I really just want to have my life back from this. And i hate that I'm good at it and so the people there assume im having fun and gonna want to do this again.. And, worst of all assumptions; that im carefree and happy-- lol.

So thats pretty unfortunate, but I'm at least getting another really good learning experience, and I cannot tell yall how fucking proud of myself i am for doing this. This is a big deal and I threw myself in the deep end and it turns out im actually good at swimming--even if I dont like it.

When it comes to my personal life (what's that?) It boils down to: I need friends. I'm trying to find people close in location to me... But, because my soul is currently owned by the theater, I cant do much at all. I am trying tho.

I tried a few dating apps... Oof. Ew no. I hate dating apps and I hated every moment on there. Not finding people really and its pretty sucky, but my therapist keeps reminding me that it's not me, it's my difficult situations throughout life that's kept me from finding people to date. There was one person I matched with who I was talking to for a bit, but then they havent replied to me for 2 days now, so im hoping everything is okay, but I'm kinda used to being ghosted at this point. Ill finding someone tho. Its gotta happen.

I'm pursuing my transition more-- hopefully I'll be starting testosterone soon and I'm looking into surgeons now and saving my money with a mindset towards top surgery within a year... We'll see. But its super exciting. My theater director (who is really bipolar and freaks me out some, but seems to adore me) put a stubble beard on me with makeup yesterday cause I had mentioned wanting a beard once i got on testosterone. It nearly made me cry and I couldnt stop smiling. I wore it home and hated taking it off before bed. I really really want a beard and im so fucking close, it's giving me strength.

My music and writing and painting and all other things have come to a screeching halt since starting theater, but i have a ton of inspiration that's built up over the past couple months that I'm super excited to unleash it the moment I'm free of this commitment. Im already working on a musical about this whole experience joining theater that I think would be really good. And I really want to finish my books and get them out there. We shall see what happens.

I love you all so much and my heart constantly goes out to you all and all of your experiences and struggles. I want to be here with you and laugh and cry, morn and celebrate together. Hopefully more of the good, tho.

Please feel free to reach out to me, even though I haven't been active at all on here. Message/anon me about your life, or questions, updates, celebrations, jokes, good pickup lines for me to use on my best friend as soon as his cruise is over and I can spam him again (holy shit I miss him so much @jamesboii please come home soon). Or like just reach out and say hello-- it might take me a day to reply, but i will.

Love y'all so much, sorry for this long blurp about my life. But i just wanted to post something and try to reconnect.

What do y'all want to see me posting? Im down to try new things. ✌

Sending hugs and love,

💕-dad

[agipj]

heyo its ur boi gabe coming at you with a quick muse update! this is my boy peej, he’s wild and i can’t wait for yall to meet him!!

☼⎿ look who just landed in mykonos, its PETER “PJ” JACOBS ! don’t they kind of look like KJ APA ? i heard the TWENTY-TWO year old CIS-MALE identifies as BISEXUAL and is just here for the EXPERIENCE but i could be wrong. HE is from TAMPA, FLORIDA and is known for many things but their friends say they are FEARLESS ! but others might say they are IMPULSIVE ! one thing they can’t travel without is HIS SKATEBOARD ! (gabe / 22 / he/they / EST) ⏋☼

peter “pj” jacobs is from tampa florida because at this point i think i forgot how to write muses that arent from florida skdfkj

he’s ur basic frat/skater boy, great at bear pong, amazing at body shots and uhh can def skate bruh

skating is his life literally ur boy works at a skate shop!! assembling boards all day to break them later when he’s on that GRIND

he’s reckless with zero worries 

and his parents arent too pleased with his life choices since he’s essentially got zero ambition for long term goals

he gets along with them great unless they try and corner him into talking about serious things like a serious job and 

when he told them he was going on the show they facepalmed so hard, his mom is worried about what she’ll see of him on tv, because she knows pj, and pj is a mess

pj’s a huge flirt, he loves meeting people, and he loves getting to know them on a deeper sexual level

he’s not really about longterm relationships mainly because he hasn’t met someone who’s ever been able to keep his attention long enough

while he has dated before and even had some monogamous relationships none of them have ended super well

pj’s also big wince: a cheater, on his last two month relationship peter found himself slipping and he indulged in it, he was ultimately caught not that he really hid it to begin with having hooked up at a college frat party for everyone to see

pj’s definitely felt bad for getting caught, it was his first time cheating and he definitely felt the shame for a quick moment but it definitely led him to believe that monogamy? isn’t for him.

he’s really here to have fun and maybe but probably not win any money at all

his mom wishes he’d settle down and get married but when she said that she definitely didn’t think he’d sign up for this show

one thing peej def isnt is super cocky, he’s aware he’s pretty but he’s def not a douche going around saying he’s banging people left and right and that he’s a whole ten, he’s aware he’s a bit of a player and that he moves through people very quick but he’s def respectful 

to him mutual consent is sexy as hell

also he sometimes wear fanny packs & bucket hats

def dresses like one of those boys on tinder that post pictures of them holding fish

tho most of the time he’s shirtless

forever a beach boy 

anyWAY i think thats all i can think of about pj for now, but more will def come out later for sure!!! thank you for reading this far ur a true blessing for that<3 

[gingergirlgaming-ts3]

update for my followers & a thank you

I started this Tumblr back in March of this year for the Ts3 community...I didn't expect to find such an amazing community but I have! Tumblr is more than just a Ts3 community, its a community for EVERYONE! Anything your interested in, theres a community for it.

SO MUCH has changed for me since starting this Tumblr, and you guys have been along for the ride whether I'm posting Ts3 stuff or something personal.

So what exactly has changed?

1) My Simblr because its ever evolving and I'm still getting the hang of it

2) My gameplay style, I grew some balls & installed MODS thanks to you guys which has made my gaming play and experience 10x better.

3) My relationship status, I went from in a relationship to single back in August after almost 2 years together. I was devastated, but I picked up the pieces and can actually smile again. From August until beginning of November, there was no contact what so ever between my ex and I because I was so upset and heartbroken because I felt as if he abandoned me in a time of need. Well I realized that relationships aren't one way streets and that we both had problems of our own even if he had left me for a co-worker of his. We spoke last week for the first time since he had picked up his stuff August 30TH or whatever...and the conversation went well and he has asked to talk when he comes over Wednesday to collect the rest of his things and some important mail (also we'll do an address change so his mail goes to his parents where he lives)...I'm not really nervous for this talk as I know he isn't going to try and get back together. I AM READY to talk to him though even though I've requested nothing to SAPPY so I dont cry. I'm still getting over losing him but I wouldnt get back together if he asked because whats done is done.

4) My depression and anxiety isn't as bad as it once was, I'm seeing a therapist once a week and I truly like this woman. I've been off my medicine though since September because it was effecting my appetite greatly and I lost too much weight. I've gained it back thank god and still am because DAMMIT I LOOK GOOD THICKER in my opinion everybody looks good with meat on their bones but thats just me.

5) I'm dating again, aka I'm testing out the waters. I've been on a few dates with some good guys but I'm still just doing me. HOWEVER, there is one man in particular that I'm casually seeing and its hilarious. Why you ask? He's a good friend of mine and ex-coworker from my old career. We did NOT plan for this and we both laugh every time we talk about it because holy crap fate has a funny way of intervening with peoples lives. He's also YOUNGER than me, by like 6 years. I'm 29 and he's 22 and even though I KNOW this won't develop into a FULL BLOWN relationship because I DO NOT WANT ONE I'm enjoying going with the flow. Our chemistry is seriously on point, we have a lot of fun together and more importantly, were 100% on the same page with what were doing. No confusion that way. ALSO, in my past I always dated WHITE MALES due to my Father. I love ALL RACES of MEN (and women too just don't date females because were crazy hahaha) and YUP YOU GUESSED IT...he isn't white. His skin is more like chestnut brown like the color of my Ugg boots because I put my boot next to his skin and said "YOU ARE CHESTNUT NOW!" he also makes me look EVEN MORE white than I already am. But I love the way he interlocks his hands with mine for no reason or when I'm in the mirror checking myself out (im just growing fonder of the way I look these days TBH) he will come up to me, grab me from behind slide his arms around me and look at me looking at myself in the mirror and he'll smile when our eyes meet or compliment me or whatever. It's ridiculous lol and WE HAVENT EVEN DONE THE DUUURTY YET (yes we have messed around but nothing crazy, but yes its gotten hot and heavy cause we will end up making out for a long time cause when you have chemistry aka fireworks its hard to stop lol) but hopefully that changes tonight cause I've marked today as D DAY aka DICK DAY aka SHITS GOING DOWN TONIGHT. If all goes according to plan. Whew that was a long one guys I apologize.

6) WE HIT OVER 230 FOLLOWERS YOU GUYS! So true to Tumblr tradition a GIFT is in order for yall. So I've built a few things but can't decide what to gift yet. MAINLY, a HUGE and generous THANK YOU is in order to each and every single one of my followers. THANK YOU SO FREAKIN MUCH FOR EVERYTHING I TRULY LOVE ALL OF YOU!

7) I'm okay. I'M MORE THAN OKAY. And I got this, 'YOU OWN IT GIRL' is actually what my mantra has been lately.

So, while this may or may not be Sims related YOU GUYS ALL have impacted my life greatly and have helped me SO MUCH. So now, I'm going to WALK in the rain to the grocery store to go buy razors with my remaining 4 dollars and change so I can shave my legs and get all ready for D DAY uuuuhhh son I'm gonna put it down flip it and reverse it. ONLY JOKING but no really its going down tonight as Celly Cel once said. Hahaha anyways SORRY FOR THE LONG POST BUT AGAIN THANK YOU GUYS FOR EVERYTHING.

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 9 | “Autumn's World”- Jakey

ok i really wasnt going to make a post tribal confessional because my last one was so long but like i have to get this off my chest... can i just say the irony is NOT lost on me that im the one who got the power to visit the pre jurors and plead my case on who i think they should vote for and......they voted for ME???? at least that's what my common sense is telling me because almost no one said anything to me during my trip there so... i doubt they voted amir because im pretty sure liam did? like..... this game is REALLY starting to make me extremely self conscious like wtf i literally havent even met half of these people and the majority of them voted for me without even knowing me.... has my whole life been a lie? am i not actually the bomb dot com?? like i dont think im this amazing person or anything and obviously i know not everyone is gonna like me but WHAT is it about me that's clearly so polarizing with people and NOT in a good way... first people in the game i didnt know wanted to vote me out now people i dont know want me out too do i have a sticker on my forehead that says hate on me? like trust and believe i hate myself enough i dont need yalls negativity too ! maybe im just too ahead of the times for certain people.. at this point i dont care, im a tough cookie and i guess im a little mean and judgemental so this is just my karma but whatever, pity party over, i guess you know you that bitch when you cause all this conversation zzzzzz

okay so i filmed two video confessionals while walking the dog but i think i just flipped the captain vote?! i truly do think i just flipped the captain vote while walking the dog which is so exciting. i knew voting jordan was stupid to scorn him for no reason, so i decided tj would be better, spoke to who i needed to speak to, and now its happening hehe [the two videos i filmed should explain why i did what i did]. this is the first time this game i felt like montenegro ali is not gone completely - i set a goal for myself and i made it happen. now no matter what this season i can be proud that i made something happen hehe. tj's target is gonna inflate like a balloon now hehe. the way i did it was i spoke to autumn first, who i knew also had the connections with the beauties who would need to be flipped, then talked about my reservations with jake/devon/augusto. i knew autumn would push tj, and i just got to sit back and here them all say tj to me?! i feel so proud that i made that happen tm, now we have a scapegoat set up. i think update so: Ideal Bootlist: Kendall > TJ > Jordan/Augusto > Jordan/Augusto > Duncan > Amir > F5: Me/Autumn/Jake/Devon/Adam Ranking as a Juror: autumn > jake > amir > duncan > jordan > augusto > devon > adam > tj > kendall

okay so... i think as a consequence of the trust rankings, i think i'm now set up very well to be shielded by both my closest allies, jake for his idol play and autumn for the perception of her as someone who runs the tribe. ideally next two votes are maybe kendall then tj? idek

im gonna say something, that i NEVER say and im gonna OWN IT. . . .. .... IM A DUMB BITCH. ok i say that a lot but THISSS time i really mean it, ive been playing this game so short sighted and completely narrowly, focused on getting these old beautys out for almost voting me out in the beginning, and today i find out, that little old ME is the one who's actually been the president of the clown academy smh obviously, i do still think i was semi valid in not trusting any of those 3 at first, but today, amir approached me finally to clear the air, because like i said before, the reason ive had no interest in working with like him or augusto was because i knew what they were plotting against me, HOWEVER .... i guess i lacked some common sense that shouldve told me well look at it from their perspective, it's just very hard for me to trust when i was lied to so, i know for a fact someone went to amir and probably told him i wanted him out last round instead of liam, and i also learn that the REAL CLOWN OF ALL THE LANDS IS DUNCAN. I had a call with jordan today, and he basically spilled the beans that duncan wants my head on a silver platter?? first of all, duncan, you're a fool. I was completely on your side and actually trusted you, so thanks for nothing! I would not be surprised if he was trying to go to amir to plan to vote me out I also talked to autumn on call today and she confirmed that to me as well, and it made me feel a lot better because i think duncan thinks that IM overconfident in the game which is NOT THE CASE...have yall seen my confessionals??? is it or is it not tea that all i do is sit and guess multiple scenarios for my paranoia...granted i KNOW im a diva and i have fits and my moments, but i genuinely try not to get comfortable, so the fact that HE thinks he can get comfty and get me out, boy you got another thing coming because i may not know what the HELL im doing 85% of the time but i think that's one of my best traits, im a wildcard and elusive and adaptability is what i try to go for more so than being that person in charge, because clearly anytime i think im in charge, thats NEVER the case... and congratulations because now there's an angry adam on the loose and duncan is now my biggest target out of no where. Funny how so much can change in less than a day huh? at this point i literally trust no one i feel like im at the liar convention of the century, i want to say i trust autumn, jordan, and kinda ali the most but idk anymore. I feel like Jakey is 100% in with duncan to get me out too but idk i dont have any proof, just a conspiracy because they both messaged me at the exact same time after ignoring me for hours so it made me think they had a call together of some sort and talked about me I'm kinda upset with myself because every time i play i do this stupid thing where i refuse to look at the bigger picture, and im glad there's still enough game left i can kinda start to snap out of it and see where it takes me from here, even though ive played twice and done decent placement wise both times i feel like i have a lot to prove as far as people just thinking im an idiot and will never catch on to things, and i definitely think duncan thinks im an idiot now but you know what, ill let him think that because the fact that people are letting me in on things, shows me i must be doing at least something right ....although it could get tricky, because i really do love autumn and me and her both agreed jordan is a huge threat down the road, but jordan is also on my side right now so i need to treat carefully with that i also need to get to WORK on connecting and mending my relationships with amir/augusto, at this point all i can do is try and be honest with them about whats been going on and hopefully they dont rule me out, BUT ... in my slight defense i never wouldve been so against them if they just owned up to it and not lied to me over and over again in the beginning xoxo but i do hereby take away all the SHIT ive talked since like..... day 7 dajfks ok last thing i want to touch on is im STILL confused why no one trusts me in this immunity challenge i got second to last after KENDALL..... like all shade at myself yall are giving me WAY too much credit... they all still think im stacked with idols and advtantages and even though i MAY have cracked the pyramid im not good at solving shit so FUCK 2048 FOR GETTING MY WAY OF GETTING THIS IDOL 

just called with amir for ages and he was 100% misting me but i'm at peace with it he is super sweet.

Adam, welcome to your tape. im not even sure where to begin .... ive never YELLED at a gay in my life like this... that gay being ME.... so here i am, having a breakdown going boo hoo hoo for me thinking people must just HATE me for whatever unknown reason, only for me to find out I UNKNOWINGLY GAVE EVERYONE A REASON DHAJKFDHAJKD rewind back to survivor auction....obviously i knew with an anonymous auction people were ALL gonna start lying about what they really got and what not ... however, im sure none of them were STUPID ENOUGH TO TELL A BLATANTLY OBVIOUSLY FALSE FABRICATION LIKE ME I LITERALLY DIDNT EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ... SO I JUST WANTED PEOPLE TO THINK I WAS AT LEAST TRYING FOR IMMUNITY SO I TOLD EVERYONE I BID ON THE IMMUNITY NECKLACES THEN WHEN I DIDNT GET THEM I WENT FOR THE ADVANTAGE, MEANWHILE NOT USING COMMON SENSE AND REALIZING IF I BID ON THE NECKLACES....I WOULDNT BE ABLE TO BID ON THE CHALLENGE ADVANTAGE i literally pulled a cirie trying to play officer sarah's own steal a vote against her but no not really because cirie is a LEGEND and im just a DUMB DUMB. AT LEAST CIRIE CAN SAY SHE WAS PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY EXHAUSTED WHICH IS WHY SHE MESSED UP BUT WHAT CAN I SAY?? ive never made such an idiotic mistake so obvious before.... i was probably high so ill blame the weed for some of it but mostly just me being dumb. ive been sitting around DRAGGING people for lying to me and now here i am lying right to everyone BUT IN MY DEFENSE.....it really is such a MINUSCULE lie but considering i devoted my entire first part of my game to being against people for telling me the tiniest of lies, i must look like SUCH a hyprocrite but one thing about me is at least ill own it, however, im now one of the biggest and easiest targets in the game because of what ive done so it's time to come up with something real quick (but not another lie NO MORE....) i completely deserved #9 in that challenge but dhfakj its time to completely change my game because now no one is gonna want to work with me and it's my own fault, im a dead fish being asked to come back to life, im gonna have to find a way to play this off or even just come clean and hope it doesnt completely screw me.... but wait..... i just got 9th on all these people's lists and completely lied to everyone and.....somehow they decided to let me have immunity??? what the HELL is going on? i mean logically speaking if im the biggest target here now why not keep me around because im so stupid, at first i was just trying to ACT dumb but that i actually am just dumb, it makes it a lot easier that's for sure! so yeah .... gonna lay low for a bit and not dig myself in more holes

tj and jordan really. really. think they can vote autumn out to scoop me up? like do i look like a sheep, do i look like a clown? because i do not have wool nor do i have a clown wig on. im so done with jordan he can pretend and preach till the cows come home that we are working together and that threats need to stick together.... but actions 100% speak louder than words, and his actions are nothing but shady so

yall: confess! me, who's already made 10 confessionals per round and the 1 person yall weren't talking to: ok sure ! anyway im still an idiot just a tiny update, ive decided to come clean about that damn auction even though everyone already knew oop, lying clearly wasnt working for me even tho i got immunity so maybe it did work in some sick and twisted way??? I really just tried to play it up by telling everyone that i only did it because i have trust issues and didnt know who i could really trust until after the vote, which is kinda true, but obviously my lie was just stupid nonetheless like GOD i literally couldve been in a better spot by being honest all along, but its like.....i willingly stopped in the middle of the race to put a hurdle in front of myself.... but anywho, as long as i have immunity this round, it gives me time to do damage control and see if i can salvage any of my game dafshkj I also talked with amir and augusto finally both on calls separately, to bury the unnecessary hatchet ive been holding onto, amir really did make me feel better about everything between us because he actually apologized because he was able to admit that everything that happened....was literally their own fault ctfu, like had they just been honest with me, we wouldve moved on, but i NO longer hold any ill will towards them about it from a game point, i liked being able to talk with augusto again too because i really did genuinely feel like he was someone i really wanted to play with, and i just dont want to be against the only other 3 brown gays in the game like me and autumn had such a long and great talk about the RACIAL bias in survivor YEAH i said it. I think we should have that conversation. As far as the vote goes it's actually kinda crazy to me....autumn was just talking to me earlier about wanting jordan out because he is definitely a threat, and she's somehow single handedly gotten everyone on board to do it which is scary but im just like....in awe of watching her play like i truly believe talking with her is the reason i won immunity, and i truly think if i didnt have this immunity i would be the one leaving because of my damn big mouth and my own antics. but jordan's kinda been on my side giving me select tea, however i know for a fact he's been holding out on me, but voting him out is still absolutely gonna suck for me tbh, im gonna feel like a bad person, but if there's anything ive learned the last 24 hours of this game is that whatever, this is truly just a game and i need to stop being so overtly sensitive to everything and play smart from here on out. I cant beat jordan in the end. He also just has more loyalties to other people than me so, the plan right now might be to vote him out and he might think it's autumn so he doesnt do anything crazy? i mean part of me WANTS to let him in on the tea just so he can cause chaos but it would get back to me....and im not sure him staying would benefit me enough to piss everyone off, so for ONCE watch while i sit back and shut up

I should have done this yesterday, but I guess I'll spill now. So yesterday was easily the worst day of this game so far for me. I was taking the LSAT, which I thought would give me some amount of a break from being talked about, but it turns out that everyone is going to vote me to be Captain. That part doesn't bother me AS much. What bothers me more is that Duncan and Autumn, who pent so much time genuinely connecting with, apparently turned on us to work with the Beauties over the alliance me and Jordan had with them. I understand that Autumn and Ali are close, yes, but I really thought the connection I had made with those two would allow them to at least stand up for me when people threw my name out there for Captain and have Adam voted as Captain WHEN HE WANTED TO BE IT! And then I choose to save the Bottoms. I wanted to do this not out of revenge, but in order to have a potential in with the Beauty trio of Augusto/Amir/Kendall (on top of if I save the Tops, there is no way I win immunity). So I go with my gut, and then Jakey tells me there was a chat made with the Tops about how to get Adam/Amir/Augusto or some duo of those three safe in spite of my choice. So Autumn of all people, who we went to the same fucking university, decides to vote me out of spite. That just sucks so much to know because I genuinely thought I was going to work with her and Duncan. I truly thought there was something there. And now I feel I have to start back from square one. The day has come where I think I want to work with the Beauty trio; three people I've never been on the same tribe as, but at least they understand the situation I'm in since they have a similar one. Now we can hopefully prevent this stupid Brawn vs. Beauty grudge match that the Brains had created. No more. The Ginger is done being Mr. Nice Guy. I won't sit around any more and let people take advantage of my kindness. I want to win this fucking game, and I intend to do exactly that.

This is likely the most 'dangerous' round I have been apart of. Jordan/Duncan/Autumn/TJ have been involved in an alliance for quite some time. At 8:58pm EST (2 mins before the deadline), I jumped on and asked who I should eliminate. Instead of anyone telling me publicly who to eliminate, it was Duncan of all people who privately messaged me and said to eliminate his buddy Jordan. Since then, I have had the opportunity to talk to a lot of people. I exposed the alliance to those I knew could play a role in breaking it up. For now, the plan seems to be Jordan. However, almost everyone knows about it, and idols/advantages could come into play at any point. Duncan should be safe for now, but his time is coming. I just need to be able to time everything. 

Kendall, if you see this I just want you to know that I love you so so so so so much! I know these people for whatever reason don’t give you the time of day but it’s because of that that they don’t see just how amazing you are! Your crown is slipping ma’am, but don’t let it because you’re a queen and I love you tons <3

If I had to sum up this round, I would say that overconfidence is a weakness in this game. Just look at the MESS that has transpired this round. 1) Autumn pushed for Jordan a LOT as she was in a power position 2) It ended up falling on TJ due to Duncan initially voting that way and Autumn telling others to do that 3) TJ decided to save the bottoms instead of his alliance members for some reason 4) Duncan thought he could do the most and veto my immunity to “save” Jordan only to get Devon to do it instead so his hands are clean 5) Autumn and Duncan tried to control the entire round 6) Jordan thought he could pull a fast one on Autumn by approaching people to blindside her despite not building connections with a lot of players… BASICALLY, people need to humble themselves a bit. I understand that in these games, everyone thinks they are the smartest person here but like… these people tried to have their cake, ate it too, and then threw it up and caused a mess. It’s just… wow (‘:

While I would love to blindside Autumn soon, I’ve wanted Jordan Pines out since I got to the merge because he is a dangerous player. Going into the round, I didn’t see it as a possibility given that I alongside Autumn and Amir were the only people to feel like Jordan should leave. But now? He’s Public Enemy #1 and I’m all for it. Getting Jordan out helps me a lot because now I can possibly have TJ on my side, Autumn trusts me now more than ever, Jakey and I are getting closer, Duncan did all this craziness only to have the person he tried to save leave so he’s a target, and yeah… it just is in my best interest to do so so that’s what I plan on doing.

Ngl, I played victim this round because everything that has happened to me has been because of me being scapegoated in one way or another. Granted, I did tell Kendall and Amir to place me low on their lists but I’m sure I was #8 because of the Beauty trio. In a way, I’m using that to my advantage. Even Duncan deciding to veto my immunity and not Jordan’s has been something I’ve capitalized on a lot this round and I think that decision by Duncan is what turned the tides against him ultimately. Strangely, this round has been super amazing for me? yay?

The amount of TEA I have been given this round is insane. I know Amir has an idol, Devon has a double vote, Adam has a challenge advantage & he got to talk to the prejury, the existence of the TJ/Jordan/Duncan/Autumn alliance, I was the first Beauty Jordan approached to get Autumn out, Autumn told me that if she leaves she wants Amir or I to win, I was pulled into an alliance with Autumn/Devon/Amir/myself, Adam and I agreed Amir is dangerous so Adam wants me here more than Amir, and Jakey told me about the Tops group chat when it was made and told me everything that happened there (same with Autumn). I’ve been a tea collector this round and I’m not mad at all. While I love Amir, I do fear that our games are a little too intertwined and that if I sit next to him at the end, I’ll lose badly… but I think people also seem him as a major target so in a way he’s a shield? I need to find a way to separate myself gameplay-wise. I do think I’ve done a lot for our partnership (it was my connection to Devon and my connection to Autumn that got us in these good positions) so yeah we’ll see… I just want to win yknow ;-; love Amir sooooooo much tho

im gonna write a longer one in a bit but the summary rn is jordan pines can legit go peace out and send his white male rage somewhere else im not about to listen to him get mad at me when he wanted to blindside me this round like... get that energy somewhere else im not the one

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THEY WERE GONNA MAKE ADAM CAPTAIN AND WE PUSHED FOR IT TO A BRAWN AND NOW BRAWN IS MAD AT BRAIN IM GOING TO TRY AND FINESSE IMMUNITY OUT OF THIS

okay okay so basically, ewkjfnekwfnew i spent all morning not wanting them to vote adam as a captain, and then for my list, i basically got multiple people to rig my position, aka devon jakey and augusto to put me mid low, and tried to make ppl put brain + ali at the top. now the lists are exposed, adam wants to work with me again, and ppl are scared of brawn + ali. I am trying to make that i can win immunity this round, and then i can shut my mouth and these people can fuck each other up so PLEASAAAAAAASEEEE LET ME WIN IMMUNITY

So here we go let me spill some tea about these people, so last round, I had devon come to me and tell me that Adam said my name, Liam was the vote for me, and many people were entertaining it and were purposely leaving me on read. Like for the entire first round, Adam liam tj jordan and Ali all didn’t make a single effort to talk any game with me. This round comes around, and it’s a damn trust list when I’m currently in the most notorious beauty threesome of all time, and Ik it’s not gonna go well cuz everyone wants us out cuz me kendall and Augusto are so prettty and they r jealous But early on in the morning, autumn wants to call, and we do, and she’s like let’s make Jordan the captain vote, which makes sense cuz that’s what jakey and Augusto told me the night prior, so like all good I agree to make the captain Jordan. Basically, being the captain in this, SUCKS, cuz u won’t win immunity and u piss off 4 people, so miss autumn, hangs up on me to call other people and suddenly tj, who mind you is doing his LSAT exam, comes back to autumn and Duncan making him the vote for the captain. They fucked him OVER LMAO, and then the trust list comes out, and allllll the beauties and jordan on the bottom, and alllll the brains at the top with Ali and jakey . So suddenly, tj has a change of heart and he messaged me about how wants to get to know the beauties better, and he cuts the tops and the bottoms live. But like, Duncan autumn tj and Jordan literallt had an alliance and the they fucked him over so like Dkndkdndkd Anyway, the immunity challenge is happening, jakey and Devon help me win immunity discretely, And now I’m IMMUNEEEEE I suddenly love this crackhead competition , and with the list order, everyone can tell the brains are playing ALL SIDES. So adam and I finally decide to talk cuz we’re both at the bottom, and I’m like okay sis are we good, and he’s like I heard some shit and I was just really honest about early hathor and I think him and I are okay rn?? So like that’s good for me, So me and adam are safe, and all hell breaks loose, cuz Jordan apparently was super convinced with his safety but autumn and Duncan cut them out of the competition. Duncan was so shady about it, he actually asked devon to do it, and he decided to do Augusto, so like Duncan’s way of being loyal to Jordan is to tell someone else to do it so he’s being extremely messy. He’s not telling me about his alliance STILL, playing dumb with me, So autumn calls me and she IS POPPINGGGGG OFFFFFFF and dragging the 2 white boys from brawn to FILTH, and organizes this entire plan for them to think it’s between tj and Duncan, but we tell them autumn, and then we all vote Jordan. Jakey tried to make it duncan but I refuse, because Duncan is necessary to be against Ali and Duncan’s whole ass game is blown up now. No one trusts him, so I want him here. and jakey was like fine hehe and honestly okay I love jakey so much, like I plan on being loyal for as long as he’s loyal to me but I feel like he’d cut me in a couple rounds. Rn we are tight tho and we tell each other everything. Augusto and Kendall AND I MIGHT MAKE IT ANOTHER ROUND LMFAOOO DKDJDKNDD, And the MESSIEST PART OF TODAY IS HOW AUTUMN GOT US FROM POINT A TO POINT B. Like she literally woke up, fucked over tj, then cut the brawn out of the comp, and then felt betrayed by them, for her fucking them over, and has now taken control of the game. Like I’m just gonna say, she betrayed her alliance with brawn and she’s starting to work with me and Augusto and for that I fuckin love her. She’s also super cool I’ll do a merge cast analysis next round Anyway yeah good night love y’all xoxoxox

okay so today jordan calls me and hes like heyyyyyy sisterrrr lets all vote autumn and i say ok ok lets do it, but in my head im like nonononoonon, cuz jordan has spent 5 days talking about getting my out, and he literally doesnt even have the votes so i cant consider this cuz jakey isnt down at all, he simply doesnt have the numbers, so the plan is me tj jakey augusto kendall jordan vote autumn but we all rat on jordan, so everyone is suppose to split on jordan and tj but someone ratted to them and now no one is paying attention to me as much LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOO ps, jordan pines, i really really do like u and enjoy talking to u and i would love to get to know u after the game <3 , im still gonna slit your throat tho, sorry for that

okay so tonight jordan pines is going to jury. drew in my host chat said "i hate when my faves fight" and let it be known. im not going to fight jordan, im going to send him to jury so he can complain there. his rage and aggression im not in the mood to deal with. its crazy how jordan brought the tribe together and his reign of terror tribe calls are not working. you cant come at people with rage, when your whole strategy has revolved around treating people like your pawns. like you treated this like chess but the one in checkmate is you. cut to me being voted out but im sick of jordan and his attitude, this is a game in a serious time in the world. its coronavirus quarantine and portraying everyone as literal satan is fucked up and i have zero time for it so. he can take his bad energy to being the world's most bitter juror. i really liked jordan, but this was a really toxic ugly side that came out tonight and i hate it

this lil challenge yall came up with it? I'm not with it https://drive.google.com/open?id=1K3cO8KqOtvKoz6bPPlZ1IoTgrBWY5-7-

if yall dont come get Jordan Pines so I don't beat his ass because I wish he would pipe up to me. He got all the kids scared but not me. Bitch this vote is solid and you wouldn't be doing the most if you could save yourself so bloop. Ali ain't flipping, Devon ain't flipping, Jakey ain't flipping, and the POC's ain't flipping so you can have TJ and the little vote steal cause that's all you got. Wait til Duncan walks in and find out Jordan is trying to put the vote on him he'll really vote his ass out Fuck an idol- if it gets played it gets played but it's not like he's getting to the end so if I walk into jury, so be it. Maybe I'll actually get to finish Cagayan since every time I get hooked in an episode, some fuckery goes down in Akhmim. ALSO WHO THE FUCK SNITCHED???? WE HAD TWO AND A HALF HOURS TO GO YOU SNAKE. I bet it was Duncan or Kendall cause they're the only ones messy enough to still be up Jordan's ass after aaaaaallll of this. Devon really thought about flipping because Jordan promised him he'd reveal the rat if Devon voted with him. Girl really?? https://giphy.com/gifs/oxygenmedia-bad-girls-club-bgc-bgc10-10hUQ2QszsZ75S I'm so sick of these white boys I don't know what to do. Get back in line!!! You don't want the smoke and you know it!!! That's why Jordan's dumbass is trying to switch targets cause it's rock. solid. over here. And it's gonna stay that way too! We can kill Duncan on Thursday but tonight?? We ARE doing Jordan Pines, no I'm not taking any questions at this time. Fuck you mean "I'm tempted?" Bitch I'll end you right here right now. Tribal is minutes away so for fuck's sake stick to the damn plan. And when he goes, we got some things to discuss

today was such a hot mess, first someone leaks the plan to vote jordan out, to jordan, first of all how DARE them because THEY BEAT ME TO IT......ok i dont know if i actually wouldve but i was considering spilling the beans which is why im surprised someone else did, as soon as this happens gorl MY messages were blowing up me and autumn messaged each other at the same time like BITCH DO YOU SEE THIS HASFDKJ but anywho it was actually sad, jordan gave me good tea in the game, so i did try and create a new plan to vote duncan out, because at first jordan wanted to do autumn but i said i didnt want to do that now, maybe eventually, but not now. She helped me win the immunity so i think she genuinely wants to work with me at least for now, but im no dummy i know she's a huge threat, and im well aware that's a move that ill eventually most likely need to make even though she is easily my favorite person to talk to next to augusto/devon/amir/jakey just on like personal levels, but.... ask jakey, im loyal as long as youre not a threat to me, but the minute you become a threat, their aint no team in i ... or whatever the saying is, but yeah i said no to autumn NOW, and i said if you want me to vote with you, help me get the votes to get DUNCAN since i know he's playing everyone and targetting me directly... it almost worked, but jordan making some of the other people feel some type of way hurt him and my chances of pulling this off because in the end i couldnt risk making that move without some of those people on board because i wouldnt want to sever my loyalties to them let alone blindside them (just yet at least), and that would have also forced me on a side with tj and kendall whom i just havent completely clicked with in the game nothing against them tho, but we'll see if im next out then i deserve it for not making a move i just hope i have time to make my move still i think im doing maybe decent at trying to recover from the stupidest move of the game thus far being my POORLY thought out lie, me always quoting sandra "ill lie, but ill make up a GOOD lie.." in my head 24/7 really did not come through on that one... but anywho, devon has told me some piping hot tea, that he has the extra vote, ali has since he told me he has the nullifier, even kendall has made amends with me and ive never had a true problem with anyone personally but kendall was against me strategically and i think on call we at least cleaned the slate for now? ill probably still vote her out next round but at least i wont feel as bad but duncan....oh duncan, sweet duncan, while i adore you as a person, i dont adore you lying right to my face when i straight up asked if you wanted me out originally, when both jordan AND autumn have told me what you been up to sis.... ask my fellow beautys i can hold a grudge so dont poke the bear! and not only that but i will start plotting getting you out and that's 100% the move i want to make next if i have any say in it. Because i think everyone sees now that he's trying to play everyone and recover from his own foolish move of getting exposed from his alliance... so now that i cant believe a word you say, you can no longer believe a word i say! We can keep chatting it up and acting like bestie boos and i do genuinely like him, but from a game point his usefulness has run up. but who knows, im just the local town fool to these people, which is fine because at least i can acknowledge i am but ill probably just be voted out next fajdsk especially if my theory about duncan/jakey being in kahoots is true but guess we'll see

Okayyyyy soooo I have been socializing! It's pretty hit or miss! Ali and I talked briefly in the morning he showed me his doggo, she was absolutely precious. 10 out of 10 lost beauty tribe member will sacrifice my game for her. I talked it out with Jakey, while I don't trust him as far as I can throw him, I feel better about our relationship. Like I said I have better things to do then hate someone because of a game and I feel better knowing that he doesn't hate me on a personal level and vice versa. My call with Duncan was very informative. Turns out Scott and Duncan were the duo rather than Autumn and Duncan and the entire Devon situation wasn't as convolutedly stupid as I had initially thought. Devon I'm so sorry I called you stupid many times in these confessionals I meant it affectionally but I guess you really aren't lol. I am so sorry you are not stupid maybe game botty but you aren't dumb!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He also agreed to work with us, I don't know if that means he's going to vote out a Brawn this round but he will probably keep me around if only for a spare vote. I tried messaging Liam to see if we can call... he hasn't message me back. It's been day... goddamnit Liam... Adam has been talking smack about me, Augusto, and Amir. Which fair enough I guess, we did try to kill him early in the game. But between us and the NuHathor, you'd think we'd be the better option to work with? Idk, Duncan said he'd talk to him but I don't hold out too much hope. I like talking to TJ quite a bit, he reminds me of Jimmy from Malaysia. He's pretty quick witted and a fun conversationalist. God I miss Jimmy :(. If worst comes to worse I really hope my fantastic personality will help me get out of this shit hole. 

[deojoon]

scarlet milkweeds

crossposted on ao3

Summary:

A confession which ended up getting you killed ?

or

How meeting up with that cute person fucked with your life forever

or

a how to guide of being a hormonal girl

Notes:

hello my audience ! while in bed i was just thinking about how much of a pervert I am and i thought about hyoudou issei from high school dxd. I then thought about a bts au. i also remembered that i haven't really written for any other group yet so I'm gonna need yall help ! give me boy group and girl groups for this ! while it has the idea from high school dxd things can go better or worse. I want a mixed harem ! the reader i'm portraying is myself kinda so i want this to be as versatile as possible ! im gonna wite and rewatch at the same time ! so this will take a while for me to do ! In this book, i'm gonna switch from 3rd person and second person a lot ! the title might change but for now, it makes sense. there will be both girl and boy love interests but bc i need ideas comment and help me out ! i promise il do my research before i write about them fair warning this is cringy ! im trying my best to prevent that but hehe its not working. btw i hate watching dubbed normally i promise but bc of some issues i cant watch subbed sorry 1

update: i also dont know if ill contine this idea but if people actually want it then ill do it.

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1

: I Got a Boyfriend

Summary:

i'll actually edit this and finish writing this later. if you guys like this then give me a kudos and ill continue to write this ! i think im gonna to 25 days of giving in December a special event. ill release a total of 25 new pieces of writing every day till Christmas.

red

the same color as his hair

darker then any red hair ive ever seen

just like the color running down my hand

long beautiful crimson hair just like this..

“not today, I will not let you die”

red

the same color as his hair

darker then any red hair ive ever seen

just like the color running down my hand

long beautiful crimson hair just like this..

“not today, I will not let you die”

-

It was a warm spring day, a group of friends was lying down y/n is one of the biggest perverts along with her friends, a short but feisty girl named Mikiah, and a perverted nerd named Akane.

All three attending Kuoh academy which originally was an all-boys school. The reason being why they decided to attend. While y/n is an attractive busty one too, the girls realized that they had no absolute chance and she’s no better than them. y/n being both attracted to females and males  , was double the dirty thoughts.

She constantly talked about sucking dick and eating girls out. While the girls preferred boobs (which y/n had)  y/n likes ass. All are very much bisexual.

As they were laying down talking about a new brazzers video, Akane sighed.

“Why do we even attend this school” Akane whined

As she said that, the track team ran by glistening in sweat.

“that’s why” y/n giggled cutely, while groping Mikah’s thighs

“oh I have an idea !” Mikiah screamed and jumped up, used to y/n sexual harassment.

“what ?” y/n said sluggish

“We should go check out this new hole I discovered outside the boy’s locker room” Mikiah suggested

y/n jumped up “yay!!”

as y/n started walking a strand of red hair was at the corner of her eye.

It was like time stopped as the boy walked away with his red hair flowing in the wind

The constant calls of her name got her attention

“y/n lets go ! I wanna see kendo boys” Akane complained

“sorry I’m coming” y/n ran up to them.

-

“ah~ taemin has such a nice slender body’

“ugg~ minho v-line can cut ice”

“key’s abs is the best”

While the other girls were looking

y/n was poutig

“how come you guys can look but not me “ y/n whined

“because someone need to look out !”

y/n pushed them over so she can see

“ohh~ jeongguk’s thighs make me cream” y/n panted

As if he heard jeongguk got up and rushed to the hole.

y/n saw and screamed “RUN BITCHES”

the three of yall ran while jeongguk looked at the hole confused

“what the matter kookie’ a guy asked

Jeongguk shook his head and left.

-

The three of you now out breathe

“guys I think I’m going to head home” you got up.

“okay walk safe”

“bye”

Walking across a bridge a boy stops you

“umm excuse me”

you turn around and see an innocent looking boy with big brown eyes scratching his head nervously.

"i've been watching you and I really want you to be my girlfriend"

bitch this was the fucking warning sign but of fucking course not,you decide to be a dumb block built bitch and go catch some fucking creepy dick. what a whore.

"sure! lets go on a date later 'kay?" you said calmly

but inside you were fliping

AHHH WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

I WANT MY SPOOKY DICK

"wait really? okay ! my name is Alex Grey ! the boy screamed in joy

from that you walked home like a dumb bitch.

Notes:

I'll have a posting schedule for this when everything get all sorted out for now i'm just gonna write shit. I'm actually storyboarding a Tokyo ghoul au cause thats my favorite anime <3 and it goes with the Halloween theme now that youve read the first chappy now you need to help me out by commenting ! :)

[starryseo]

high schooler!jeno

not updating at 2am for once whoa

lee jeno everybody e n j o y :))))

gonna do jaemin next and i cant wait i think thats gonna be my longest one

ive just been really missing my boi sm arent updating us i just wanna know if hes doing ok :(((((

alsoooo,,, im thinking of doing bts texts??? idk if i wanna make it a series but like my bts side is looking empty lmao riiiiip, so idk yall can send in smth if you want

now wITHOUT FURTHER ADO

I GIVE YE

JENO LEE

i just wanted that to rhyme and it did lmao yay me

woo this boi

everyone including me loves him

but how can they not????

hes so c00l damn

quite popular bc hes in the drama club and dance club

and they do loads of school performances

that dont have parents complaining,, looking at you mark, hyuck + the rest of the rap club

so yeah jeno just rolls up to the auditions for the latest drama show and the teacher holding the auditions is just like

jeno no no couldnt help myself there whoops :’) you dont need to audition youve already got the male lead ilysm your acting is 11/10

and hes just like oH :’’’’) hes super bashful and not smug??? which just makes ppl like him even more !!!!

ok so he probs was like but teacheeerrr,, i WANT to audition

seems like the type to like the thrill of auditioning more than acting in the actual performance lmao

so he auditions and everything and obvs gets the part

so hes like !!! yay,, but then hes also sad for the ppl that auditioned for the part he got my poor bby

so he’ll like go around complimenting their auditions and he rE A LL Y does mean it when he says their acting was good

tries slyly giving them advice if they want so that they can improve bc he genuinely wants them to improve so that they can get the lead next time

i swear its the same thing when it comes to dancing performances lmao

gets centre stage most of the time bc his movement is so fluid and beautiful and graceful prAISE THIS BOY PLS

ok so all this stage attention has led him to a locker full of love notes lmaooo

ok well it’s like 60% love notes/ confessions, 30% normal post-it notes congratulating him and then 10% hyuck’s homework with labels like “i’ll give you doughnuts if you do this”

he answers them all wrong and gets the doughnuts anyway :)))

ok so yknow how he likes assembling figures and stuff,,,, he probably keeps like the latest figure he’s working on in his school bag for ‘life or death’ purposes

so he’s always the first to finish eating so he can hurry and assemble the figure

he lowkey sabotages jisung’s figures so that jisung cries and complains to him and then he’ll fix it and asks for dark chocolate in return and jisung is none the wiser :))))))

jeno just blames hyuck or chenle whenever jisung gets suspicious

so yall probably met through the drama club

but rather than being on the performance side of stuff

you were there helping out with the technical stuff/ making props, the whole shebang

so jeno, being a lover of ppl, also appreciates the technical ppl aka you bc they put in just as much work as he [and the other actors/actoresses] does [/do] into the shows

and at every recital he tries to talk to as many ppl as he can during his breaks

and so one day it was your turn to meet him yayy !!!!

he even brought along smth for you to eat bc he noticed how long you had been working on this painting without a break

and so you took it, saying thanks, and he just made like light-hearted chatter before his break ended and then after a while you all got sent home

at the next recital he met up some new people but he didnt get to see you

bc you had gone for a toilet break before he had his break and so he just left some food and drinks where you were working this cutiE

and then you guys just kept up conversations whenever you could, even saying hi and stuff in the hallways and at lunch

and then on the day of the performance, he asked for the mic at the end, yknow, when the acting team’s all standing and bowing on stage

and hes like “i would like to invite the people backstage that helped make this performance possible, from helping with the props to having perfect timing with the lighting” etc etc.

and so he like looks off to the side and ushers everyone to come on stage

and the rest of the acting group is clapping and so is the crowd so yall H A V E to go up

and when you go up and bow, you look at him and hes already looking at you

and he does that CUTEEEEEE !!!!11!!1!!! EYE SMILE HE DOES !!!!! YOU KNOW THE ONE IM TALKING ABOUTTTTT !!!!!1!11!!!!!!

and that is the start of a beautiful friendship/ relationship ;^)))))

[richmarc]

Update on paper #100117

So seeing that i never really admit my problems i tend to write my facts on paper but never all in the same breath or at the sametime, ill let my guard down for this second cause i simply need to clear my mind

Dear Tumblr,

I apologize that i have returned in a moments notice and i know I've been gone for a while. A bunch of controversial drafted post sitting in my file to never see the light of day and fears....excuses as to why i stuck with you so long. I remember when you were as private as a joke carved into a bathroom stall door, now your like the gossip newsletter flying around campus streets. I got dicouraged, knowing i was writing what I considered at the time "blue magic" and my product wasn't reaching the customers in mass quantity.

Lately i have been soul searchimg and quite frankly I didn't find what i was looking for from the moment i left, but i confide in you cause beneath the codes and backgrounds of what you are and the freedom I believe you give me, i feel as if though i have the power to make my stream line of data you keep my world. Ive changed in so many ways and have yet to dound a way to be satisfied by you, so like a battered relationship i guess for now I'll stick with you cause you and I are misunderstood and "I know you love me... i know you do <movie quote "

So ill share how shitty I feel and see what you or the universe will have to say about my open letter to you..

I have been wasting my time with females that i deemed to be a fit for me, just to be dissapointed at the end that they be on some bullshit.

I had a beautiful daughter that i don't have the honor nor the pleasure to be around, because we live in different places and I dedicate my life and time to working and making sure she has a future when she grows up and its not possible where she currently resides. Upon visits their always arguments and fucking ridicule from family begging me to sink everything thats for my daughter down the drain and restart because the memories are more important.

My daughters mother i love with all My heart and never thought I'll see the day we gotta be like this... madd some decisions that wasnt keen as to why we are where we are...on top of the fact that its been years now and forgiveness lesson i still haven't learned. I've told this woman my greatest fears of never wanting my daughter to wake up without me there and etc... and its not easy scraping the plate completely fucking clean to someone who ACCIDENTALLY made you live out that nightmare

So.....suicide would be pointless and selfish now cause you dont live for you cause the moment i seen my daughter and she seen me...I've glady destroyed my world and soley been working to build hers...cause despite the situation im first and foremost a fucking proud parent.

Not eveyone knows she exists, the world is becoming a encyclopedia of open information. Google face recognizing this mf been in multiple pics with you, that you took a shit in this Macy's and their reviews are 4.5, or you spent the weekend in Birmingham's motel 6 and you didn't state how you like your stay.... so due to the confusion i just state needless to say something thats so near and dear to me i don't post, comment, hashtag on cause the world doesn't need to join in that aspect of my life right now. I wanted to take it like it was when I was a kid, you know no twitters and ig's, summers actually spent outside maybe 2 people on the block with a Nintendo but yall all shared games... it funny some people cant remember what they wrote a year ago yet... a memory like that can never be clouded nor replaced..

I work 17hrs out of 24hr days for people who use me like an ox pulling A plough through a fucking field....

Lol... trynna be nice and not simply state its like being what african american always considers on topics pointed to racism... but you get the jist. Knowing everyday your mind wonders off and consider you better, knowing you can do better than this hoping and wishing the boss will shown you some love for a meal ticket to eat and thats no anology js......

To a man who appears to have the comparison of a marshmallow but not in wieght and stature, but color and feelings... dexterities very bleek and immobile. The kind of guy my father say look out for cause they can never look you in your eyes.

Trying to move up in the company and do something i consider something that'll be worth missing my daughters 1st etcs..... had the interviews a month's ago. A flood hits florida and somehow that had something to do with mu fucking response to advancing or not cause some asswipe want to go down and volunteer knowing he's going for the same postion I am and we gotta wait for this non relevant mf to come back to have a "fair shot" are you fucking kidding me? There's 2 slots open and im staring at what I want just fucking sitting there dusting... ok...

My bestfriend that I've loved since I was 15, come to find out basically been lying to me the past couple of years sending me mixed signals about what our relationship is and what it could be and all along she thought lying to me about being happy with the mf she's with and randomly coming up pregnant with twins with the mf was gonna hurt my feelings if she just kept it honest and told me i never had a shot to begin with, meanwhile leaving me looking like the thrist-bucket who's been chasing her and she never looked as like she wronged me...hmmm then to turn around and find another mf you know whos near and dear done the same thing and hid a pregnancy cause they didnt know how you'll feel

Friends are becoming distance from multiple sides of the globe,with the exception of the 3 goats you always keep, love....? Ummm next,

The new company who bought your apt complex decides to waltz they ass in ya spot to call bullshit and try to charge you $300 for something

Uhhhh you get the picture

I say all thst to say it's been a rough little min, thats for those who actually noticed my absence... I'm trying to contain the balst radius for when imma lose it, but this 2'5 9month tape recorder keeps me in check from losing it all and making me retain humbleness, even in my worst of times.....

Consider this a memoir for when I actually get to the sweetspot of life ,the scallops and stallions for breakfast portion

But fuck it we all human I just don't have a problem admitting the shits thats been killing me...

Until I need you again Tum tum

Sincerely yours,

Hypno Umbrella

[michaelmilkers]

things 2 read instead of killing stalking bc that Hell Comic just came on my dash again:

long exposure (supernatural gays)

tj and amal (roadtrip gays)

flowerpot (floral gays including wlw???? i hope *side-eyes eileen and petra*)

starfighter (space gays)

now for some specifics including trigger warnings And All That

long exposure by smokeplanet on tumblr aka my life as we currently know it:

enemies to friends to lovers (yall can pry this trope from my cold dead heads)

tfw u get stuck w/ ur childhood bully on a science project and Shenanigans Ensue i.e. accidentally coming into contact with what might be radioactive waste, being left with some bitching new powers and also very gay feelings

diverse cast of characters (race, body types, etc) from different backgrounds (including a juggalo and i thank the lord every day) and bud. just,, bud. u will love bud.

trigger warnings: none that i can rly think of???? theres use of the f slur once but its censored if im remembering correctly, theres a single nsfw page but its like two panels and no bits r shown

at the time im posting this the latest update was the gayest one yet so get ur asses reading

bonus: the main characters have their own blogs ( @bitchell and @jonaslights )which you can interact with and as far as i can tell occasionally the things they post r hinting to future happenings so eye emoji

the less than epic adventures of tj and amal by e.k. weaver aka My Life Is Different Now after reading this

amal calls off the wedding of him and his soon-to-be-bride bc He A Gay in front of his family to a very negative reaction. he needs to make it cross-country to his sister’s graduation but has basically lost his way there bc tensions with his family r high. in comes tj. shenanigans ensue.

interacial gay relationships can i get a Hell Yeah (chorus: hell yeah)

literally 500 pages of laughs and gay and sweet character development and gay

trigger warnings: amal’s homophobic family, heavy references to drugs, slight references to abuse, sex scenes !!!! all nsfw pages are marked however and arent plot-necessary theyre just a treat :3c

i need yall to read this i am literally a changed man

the ending will fucc u up

flowerpot by leehama on tumblr aka love me some goddamn plants

in this universe there have been outbreaks of the fleurine virus, a disease that causes flowers to take root in the body. sometimes its relatively harmless (flowers growing from the scalp) but other times it can be deadly (flowers growing inside the ears or the wind pipe)

people with the fleurine virus r called flowerpots

super diverse cast wtf!!!!!!

as far as i can tell (im srsly hoping) its not just a m/m relationship. i mean thats the main one obv but a budding w/w background relationship is heavily implied and im Excite

what i love abt this is not only does it address disabilities (recovering flowerpots r sometimes left with disabilities when the flowers r removed) it addresses social discrimination and stigma that stems from misinformation and kinda reminds me of hiv/aids (idk if this was intentional but!!!!!!! addressing stigma surrounding diseases!!!!!!!!! CAN I GET A HELL YEAH)

trigger warnings: there are people who r anti-flowerpot who do things like put up shitty anti-flowerpot flyers which i know can remind people of irl bad things but yeah thats basically it

this is so cute?????????? it addresses things like disability and disease in a super cute way thats easy to understand also the characters r gr8

starfighter by hamletmachine (not hosted on tumblr but the author is on tumblr under the same name) aka WOWEE IM GAY

this is like. the most yaoi-ish out of all of these comics but It Gets Better pls trust me

gays in space??? hell yeah???? 

ok so theyre like fighting this war and there r fighters and navigators and each fighter has to be paired up with a navigator and Yeah It Gets Gay

its not in color and all the characters have code names so its kind of hard to tell what race everyone is theyre all just light skin or dark skin but im gonna give it the benefit of the doubt

REALLY NSFW WOWEE

trigger warnings: its kind of abuse-y at the beginning but pls the art style and the characters has gone through so much development. i understand if u rly cant deal with things like that but if u think u can stick it out please do the payoff is worth it

again this comic is rly nsfw. like its not all sex but there is A Lot and there isnt rly any way to avoid it so like. this is what ur getting and if ur alright with that then go forth and read

also all of these except tj and amal r incomplete in case that wasnt clear

anyways YALL CAN SUPPORT INDEPENDENT AUTHORS AND LGBT FICTION WITHOUT BEING CREEPY FUCKS. you can EVEN HAVE SEX COMICS WITHOUT IT BEING ABT ABUSE AND RAPE (SHOCKING I KNOW) ur literally having ur cake and eating it too rn like???? cmon

[latesthollywoodnews]

Ariana Grande CLAPS BACK at Haters Over Pete Davidson Engagement

Ariana Grande CLAPS BACK at Haters Over Pete Davidson Engagement

Jeremy Brown - Latest News - My Hollywood News

Ariana Grande CLAPS BACK at Haters Over Pete Davidson Engagement, List Of 2015 Hollywood Films.

Watch Latest Celebrity News, Hollywood Celebrities Latest Story 2017, Ariana Grande CLAPS BACK at Haters Over Pete Davidson Engagement.

List Of 2018 Hollywood Films Latest Story On Celebrities film production Pixar Animation Studios, is an American computer animation film studio based in Emeryville, California that is a subsidiary of The Walt Hollywood Company. Pixar began in 1979 as the Graphics Group, part of the Lucasfilm computer division, before its spin-out as a corporation in 1986, with funding by Apple Inc. co-founder Steve Jobs, who became the majority shareholder.

What are the names of Walt Hollywood’s brothers and sisters?

Walter Elias Hollywood was born December 5, 1901, in Chicago, Illinois, to Elias and Flora Hollywood. His siblings were Herbert, Ray, Roy, and Ruth. Roy later helped his brother make the Hollywood Company a success.

How many official Hollywood princesses are there?

As of 2017, the eleven characters considered part of the franchise are Snow White, Cinderella, Aurora, Ariel, Belle, Jasmine, Pocahontas, Mulan, Tiana, Rapunzel, and Merida. The franchise has released dolls, sing-along videos, apparel, home decor, toys, and a variety of other products featuring the Hollywood Princesses.

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Robert A. Iger is Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of The Walt Hollywood Company. As Chairman and CEO, Mr. Iger is the steward of one of the world’s largest media companies and some of the most respected and beloved brands around the globe.

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Ariana Grande calls for an end to the social media war over her engagement to Pete Davidson.

There’s not much we love more than a fiery Ari clap back.

Ariana Grande is continuing her mission to spread love and that includes protecting her own. She took it upon herself to firmly respond to multiple haters online. Ariana clapped back at those doubting and questioning her lightning-fast engagement to Pete Davidson. She was tagged by a fan account on IG who posted a paparazzi photo where Pete is clearly flipping off the camera. One fan commented on the post, “BRUH IM DEAD HE FLIPPING US OFF”. Ariana responded to the fan clarifying who Pete was flipping off, “R u NuTS?????? The PAPS..not YOU…..???? ever…??? Stop w this sh–. Please. Forreal. I love ya’ll too much for this. Enough w the ig/ twitter war thing. It ends now.” Ariana responded to this fan a second time adding, “yall r so loved. Stop trying to start sh–. Everything is so beautiful right now. Im over it.”

Another user captured a screenshot of a DM from Ariana reading, “hey pls stop w the hate and all the nonsense opinions n stuff. It’s no fun for anybody in the fandom nor for me. I love ya’ll a lot… like family. And i work really hard to make you happy. Please be supportive and kind to each other and about my life if thats ok. Thats all i ask in return.” We gotta say, Ari has some good points here. None of her pleas seem crazy or unreasonable. She’s in love and she would like her fans to be respectful and supportive of that.

Ari inserted herself another fan conversation, this time about a lyric in her new song “The Light is Coming”. The fan asked her about the line “You wouldn’t let anybody speak and instead”- which is a sample from a 2009 town hall meeting in Pennsylvania where Democratic Senator Arlen Specter is disagreeing with a voter over the issue of privatized health insurance. Ari clarified her use of the sample in the song responding, “It’s about people & their loud ass opinions making them deaf to others & the light.”

We’ve got one last clap back treat for you guys. By now you may have seen Ariana’s since deleted tweet answering a fan that asked “how long Pete is”? The fan quickly updated the question adding, “as in the interlude not as in…” and to our delight Ariana had some fun in her response writing, “Like 10 inches? Oh f**k… I mean… like lil over a minute.” Regardless of what fans and critics are saying on social media, Ariana and Pete seem to be going strong. The two were seen strolling in NYC Monday morning with Starbucks cups in hand. What do you guys make of all these clap backs from Ariana? Do you think they will actually end the war over her engagement? Get typing below. Then click here to see a BET Awards themed episode of Dirty Laundry. As always, I’m your host Renee Shaffi, thanks for tuning in to Clevver!

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Hollywood Celebrity News, New Celebrities Latest Story, English Celebrities, Ariana Grande CLAPS BACK at Haters Over Pete Davidson Engagement.

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