#well at least i have most of my GEs done considering i went for more than 3 years

[ibijau]

Sins of the Fathers pt5 / On AO3

At noon Jin Ling went to his parents’ house where his husband had spent the morning. They all had lunch together, after which Wen Yuan and him would head back home to start training. Following Jin Guangyao's advice, Jin Ling planned on testing his husband's knowledge of internal cultivation and to work on that as a first order of business. If Wen Yuan proved to have been taught already, they could move on to martial arts. Jin Ling hoped that could be delayed, though. If they had to go to the training grounds, Jin Chan might see them and try to cause problems, which he hadn’t decided yet how to handle.

It felt unbearably awkward to be alone together in the middle of the day. They never spent time like that in each other’s company, so Jin Ling felt his husband was still pretty much a stranger. Making things worse, Wen Yuan was as silent as ever, waiting in the middle of the room, staring at Jin Ling with cold eyes. 

Jin Ling wondered if it had been a mistake to accept his mother’s request. It probably was. But between his unresponsive husband and being around Jin Chan and his idiot friends… 

“My mother told me you already have some training?” Jin Ling asked, trying to sound imposing and confident, like his cool uncle Jiang Cheng. “Tell me more about that.”

Wen Yuan nodded, not the least bit impressed by his husband’s tone.

“When I was young, Wei zongzhu taught me a few notions. It was a long time ago. I was younger than Jin Bai when the lessons had to stop.”

“Do you know why he stopped teaching you?”

“Yes,” Wen Yuan said.

Jin Ling waited for his husband to elaborate. No further explanation came. Wen Yuan just placidly looked at him, radiating indifference.

“I’m not asking because I’m nosy,” Jin Ling announced, which was mostly true. “We’re not friends, we don’t have to know everything about each other! But I need to know if your lessons stopped because you were bad at cultivation, or if there was some other reason.”

“Oh,” Wen Yuan said, blushing a little. He quickly shook his head. “No, it was another reason. Wei-ge… I mean, Wei zongzhu said I showed promise when he was teaching me. But circumstances forced us to give up.”

It wasn’t the answer Jin Ling had expected. Considering Wei Wuxian’s reputation as a cultivation genius, and his animosity toward all other sects, it would have made sense for him to train any child of his that had any skill. He would have needed some disciples now that he’d left the Jiang sect, and also some people to fight for him in case the other sects decided to attack him. The undead were a useful weapon, but they could only do so much.

After being told by his mother that Wen Yuan had only minimal training, Jin Ling had assumed that his husband lacked natural predisposition for cultivation. It was the reason most cultivators gave up on their own child. His own mother had been like that, interested in cultivation to a degree but with a body too frail for it. So either Wen Yuan was lying (but why would he, when Jin Ling was sure to soon find out the truth?), or Wei Wuxian had lied to him to spare his feelings (but would an evil genius ready to sell his son care about that?) or… or there was something fishy going on.

“Well, alright, let’s see that then,” Jin Ling said, once more trying to sound imposing like Jiang Cheng. “Let’s test your breathing first. If you’ve really learned anything at all, it should be that.” He paused and hesitated, something Jiang Cheng would never have done. “I, uh, I’m going to have to touch your chest to check that. Don’t go getting ideas, it’s just to see if you’re doing it right!”

To his surprise, Wen Yuan blushed again. Which was stupid, because Jin Ling had just said there was nothing personal to it. But of course seeing Wen Yuan blush made it weird, and suddenly Jin Ling too was blushing

“Sit down,” Jin Ling ordered. “And, uh, get in position to meditate and all.”

Wen Yuan obeyed, sitting down in the middle of the room. Strangely, the position he adopted was the same one Jiang disciples usually took to practise their breath and improve their inner cultivation. It seemed Wei Wuxian, however creative he’d been for other things, still used the basics he’d learned in the Jiang sect. Jin Ling wondered if Jiang Cheng would be happy or angry about that. It was the sort of thing that was often reproached to new sects (Jin Ling had heard so much criticism of the Moling Su sect) but in that particular case, maybe Jiang Cheng wouldn’t mind that much.

After giving his husband a moment to get started, Jin Ling knelt down next to him and placed one hand over his ribcage. The first thing he noticed was Wen Yuan’s heartbeat increasing the instant he was touched, but Jin Ling ignored it, refusing to make this whole thing any weirder than it already was. Instead, he focused on Wen Yuan’s breathing, its slow and steady rhythm, the way it helped energy gather inside his body, making it pool in the right places.

Wen Yuan hadn’t lied, and neither had Wei Wuxian. He really had a lot of potential. Well trained, Wen Yuan would have formed a golden core years ago. It was baffling that he didn’t have one. With such good bases, even just handing him a cultivation manual and checking on him every few weeks would have been enough, as long as he practised dutifully. So why had Wei Wuxian given up on him?

Jin Ling didn’t bother asking. Wen Yuan wouldn’t have answered. Still, it was hard not to be curious. Nothing about this made any sense. Even Jin Guangshan, not particularly known for caring about junior disciples unless they were rich, would not have given up on someone who showed such promises.

Jin Ling removed his hand from his husband’s chest. Wen Yuan looked at him, his expression a little less cold than usual.

“You’re doing alright,” Jin Ling said. “More than alright, really. How long can you last doing that?”

“All day,” Wen Yuan replied, some pride piercing through. “I can also keep it up when I sleep sometimes, but it’s harder and I'm equally likely to fail.”

“No surprise there. It’s hard to learn to breathe right in your sleep, unless you have a teacher who’s willing to watch you and wake you up every time you go back to normal. Xiao-shushu said he’s never gotten the hang of it. It’s mostly fine, though. It’s not as good as if you could maintain the right breathing all the time, but you can still cultivate like that. Can you control the energy inside you at all?”

It was the expected next step. There was hardly any sense in gathering energy and then not doing anything with it. Even Jin Bai had already learned how to do that. And yet, Wen Yuan shook his head, looking embarrassed.

“Only a little,” he confessed. “Wei zongzhu… didn’t have a lot of time to teach me, even when he still had time at all, and I was often busy as well.”

“You’re a sect’s disciple, what could be more important than your training?” Jin Ling exclaimed. “It's a real waste, with natural skills like yours! If your father was just some rogue cultivator it would be one thing to prioritise other things, but someone like Wei Wuxian should know better. To leave you to your own devices like that…”

“You don’t know him,” Wen Yuan cut him off. “So don’t talk about him.”

He didn’t raise his voice, he didn’t even frown. But coming from a boy that normally couldn’t even be bothered to speak to Jin Ling at all, well, he might as well have been shouting.

“I know enough about him,” Jin Ling snapped back. “I know he sold you to us and couldn’t be bothered to see you get married. I know that he couldn’t bother to properly teach his own son. He’s really just as bad as everyone says, in the end.”

“You don’t know him,” Wen Yuan softly repeated, looking down at the floor. “Wei-ge is a good man. The things he’s done, the good he’s done… but you wouldn’t understand.”

Jin Ling clenched his fists. Of course he didn’t understand, when his husband refused to tell him anything about anything! Was he supposed to read Wen Yuan’s mind to learn in what ways Wei Wuxian was entirely unlike everything everyone knew about him?

To Jin Ling, it was clear that Wei Wuxian was a cold and uncaring person. Everything he'd done in the past had proven it, everything Wen Yuan had said now confirmed it. That Wen Yuan still wanted to defend his father was to his credit, it made him a filial son… but it also made him a bit of an idiot. If Jin Ling could accept the truth about his grandfather, then he expected everyone should look at their own family with the same clarity.

The only reason Jin Ling kept from saying these things out loud was that he didn’t want to disappoint his mother. It was clearly important to her that these lessons go well. Jin Ling couldn’t let her down.

“Nevermind your father, none of this is about him,” Jin Ling said. “It’s about you. So you’ve got some basics when it comes to internal cultivation, that’s already more than I expected. What about fighting? Has anyone taught you that? Hand-to-hand styles? Or some swordsmanship maybe?”

“I’ve never used a sword,” Wen Yuan replied, looking embarrassed again. As he should be, even the smallest and poorest of sects found enough money to get their disciples a blade. “But I can defend myself, and I’m alright with a bow.”

In spite of himself, Jin Ling felt a spark of interest at the mention of archery. A bow was not the most common weapon for a cultivator, but it was one he’d always liked. It was in his blood. His father was after all a renowned archer, as was his uncle Jiang Cheng. But come to think of it, Wei Wuxian too used to be a reputed archer in his youth, so perhaps it shouldn’t be surprising that his son had inherited his skill.

“Has your father taught you?” Jin Ling asked.

“No,” Wen Yuan said. Then, to Jin Ling’s shock, his husband actually elaborated on his answer, on his own. “It was my cousin Wen Ning who taught me archery, and most of what I know about hand-to-hand combat as well. He’s the one who really took care of me after…”

Realising he’d said more than intended, Wen Yuan trailed off with a frown.

“After what?” Jin Ling asked.

Wen Yuan looked away, his frown deepening.

“It’s not important. Do you want to test me for this, too?”

Although disappointed that his husband had stopped talking just as the conversation was becoming interesting, Jin Ling considered their options. On one hand, he definitely needed to assess Wen Yuan’s level. His mother had given him the impression that his husband was a complete beginner and he’d planned some lessons accordingly, but Jiang Yanli seemed to have underestimated her son-in-law. 

On the other hand, trying to test someone who had trained with a fierce corpse was a little scary. It was possible that Wen Yuan wouldn’t know how to control his strength, nor how to avoid seriously harming a living opponent. 

Ultimately though, Jin Ling had to test him, and he had to do it without showing any fear. He was the teacher in this situation, and what could he hope to teach if his student knew he was scared?

“Let’s get up,” Jin Ling ordered. “You’re going to try to strike me.”

“What if I hurt you?” Wen Yuan asked, unfolding his legs and getting up while his husband did the same. “I don’t want to get in trouble.”

“Have you hurt people before?”

“Yes, once or twice,” Wen Yuan calmly said. “Sometimes, people would try to enter the Burial Mounds in Yiling. Uncle Wen usually took care of them alone, but in recent years I’ve helped him when necessary.”

Jin Ling shivered. “Have you… killed anyone?” he asked, dreading the answer.

Wen Yuan hurriedly shook his head, looking horrified.

“Oh, good then,” Jin Ling awkwardly said, more relieved than he could admit. “If you couldn’t kill some low level robbers, then I don’t think you’ll really be able to hurt me.” He took a fighting stance, bracing himself. “Go on, show me what you can do. Hit me as hard as you can.”

Visibly reluctant, Wen Yuan got in position to strike. Before he’d even moved, Jin Ling noted that his posture wasn’t very good, his legs weren’t as solid on the ground as they should have been. It would have been easy to knock him over. He kept that thought to himself, and waited for his husband to hit. 

When he finally did so, Wen Yuan’s attack turned out so weak that Jin Ling easily took the blow without flinching. It would have hurt a common person, sure, but that was all the good that could be said about it. It had lacked power, proving that Wen Yuan had never learned to use his energy to strengthen his blows, something any child would learn in a sect. It also lacked speed. A common person with some knowledge of martial arts could have avoided it. A cultivator, even a low level one, definitely would have dodged, and found Wen Yuan open for a counter-attack. 

Overall, Wen Yuan had attacked the way a fierce corpse would, but he lacked the raw power of one.

“Are you alright?” Wen Yuan asked. “Did I hurt you?”

“Was that the best you can do, or did you hold back because you were worried about hurting me?”

Wen Yuan looked embarrassed by the question, which was already an answer in itself.

“I held back a little. If something happens to you because of me… I don’t want to risk the wrath of the Jin sect.”

That was a fair concern to have, so Jin Ling couldn’t scold him. At the same time, it was insulting that Wen Yuan thought him weak.

“Don’t worry about hurting me, you’re not capable of it,” Jin Ling assured him. “If you’ve hurt anyone before, it was just luck on your part. We’re going to have to start over from scratch, you’re really bad at this. Your family and your sect have failed you, if this is all they’ve bothered teaching you.”

It might not have been the nicest thing to say, Jin Ling realised after he’d already said it. But he was starting to get angry on Wen Yuan’s behalf. Bad training could be worse than no training at all. It was going to be so hard to undo all the bad habits he’d probably picked up over the years, something Jin Guangyao had told his nephew he’d also struggled with after using fake cultivation manuals when he was young. Right then, Wen Yuan was offended at the insult against his family, but Jin Ling didn’t doubt that in a few months, Wen Yuan would be furious that they had failed to properly guide him.

For now, Wen Yuan took a deep breath. There was a spot of red on his cheeks, this time likely from anger rather than embarrassment, but aside from that he still looked perfectly calm. It made Jin Ling feel like he wasn’t even worth getting angry at, which in turn made him angry.

“What is next in the lesson?” Wen Yuan quietly said, like a dutiful student talking to his teacher. “More testing?”

“No, I know everything I need to know,” Jin Ling scoffed. “You’re much better than I expected, but also much worse. I have to change my plans for you, nothing I prepared will work for someone like you. You can go if you like, or stay here and hide in your room until dinner. I have to go to the library to figure out how to deal with you.”

His face still red, Wen Yuan bowed deeply and, Jin Ling thought, with a touch of disdainful irony.

“Thank you for your patience with this unworthy student,” Wen Yuan said, and definitely that had to be ironic. “I am grateful for my husband’s help.”

Jin Ling scoffed, refusing to answer that veiled insult. His patience indeed! Next, Wen Yuan would thank him for his gentleness. Maybe it was better when Wen Yuan didn’t speak to him at all, if all he could do was mock him when he spoke.

But Jin Ling didn’t have time to deal with that. Without another word, another look at his husband, he left the house and strode toward the sect’s library, hoping something in there could help him deal with a student who was at once too good and too awful to be taught the usual way.

[wrennnies]

HEY TUYS IM NOT DEAD

so in the last month ive been on holiday and then got sucked into inazuma eleven, since i was alresdy playing it ill give a short summary of what i thought (plus inaxuma eleven 2) and also the anime!!! (though shorter bc i watched it in a dub of a language i barely know) ill try and play all the inazuma eleven 3 games, i only watched the first season of inazuma eleven go tho.

inazuma eleven 1: it was great!!!! unfortunately ive been endeared to bobby shearers. also i thought the erik plotline went nowhere but i was supposed to get him before kirkwood.... the last battle i beat by mere happenstance, whoops!!! i lovedit tho. ALSO someone pls answer this: are zeus like.... genetically modified humans????? cuz it neverr gets answered, ray darks way of speaking was SO VAGUE. like is the research abt the boys or the steroids????

also nellys so cool i love her. the anime was super cool, but i was confused with its 127 eps since i only played the first game so i thought it mightve been like some anime only stuff??? turns out theres more than one inazuma eleven game.

i think the anime adapted the game pretty well, from what i could understand but i thought celia was way meaner abt jude in the game??? idk if its bc she has the “im gonna end ur life” face all the time in that game that made me think that though.... probably since shes like way more "innocent and cute" in the second game (todd ironside is so wrird i HATE HIMM in the first game)

anyway inazuma eleven 2!!!!!

great game, i called shawn shibuya since i didnt know his english name, or his Japanese one for that matter. the reason i chose shibuya was because i played twewy right before seeing him, and he looks like a shibuya.

speaking of which, i had some names for the people i didnt know the names of!! heres a list of the more interesting ones:

shawn: shibuya

victoria: peach (because her name sounded like peach in the localisation)

sue: girl inlove with erik

dvalin: hades (he looked like a hades)

hurley: dry sea (same reason as victoria)

darren: knockoff mark (look i didnt know anything abt this guy)

knockoff axel (i dont remember his name im sorry but his hairs kinda styled the same way????)

archer: giacomo????? giakomo???? i literally have no idea who or ehat a gyacomo is i just saw him and said "giackomo" SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME WHO GIACOMO IS, maybe i mixed gakupos name and komo os name together???? but WHY????

camilla: kori (i played time hollow before this and they looked kinda similar)

anyway back on task i really liked the girls, even if they got their ass kicked most of the time... like everyone else 😭😭 also jack was so sexist like WHATTT least mark was like yeah u come over here NOW.

the love stuff was cool, i savestated to ge everyones dialogue lol... i think my favs either toris or celias, its hilar that they dont even CONSIDER celia to be gf material 😭😭😭 but thats fine with me, love her. i liked how nathans mental breakdown was done in the anime betterr than the game since he left himself and bot bc he got the shit beat outta him. also SHAWN FROSTE. KIND????? HE CALLED CLOISTER DIVINITY "CLOTH EARED BEGGARS" AND TOLD SOMEONE THAT THEY HAD A FACE ONLY A MOTHER WOULD LOVE FUCK YOU MEAN KIND???? blunts more accurare i think. hes also scottish so i thought hurleyd be welsh since shawn was scottish and hes north uk so i thought west would be welsh... even if that makes no sense. AND SOUNDTOWN IS SO FUNNY like "hed kill the coach to get that key" lmao???? some of the character sprites are.... interestinf!!!! victoria definitely looks better in the anime 😭😭😭

nah but to learn that these orphans were just cosplaying their ocs while bombing schools is insane LIKE THET GET NO REPRECUSSIONS???? THEY DESTROYRD SCHOOLS ANDI KNOW THEYRE ALL LIKE 12 BUT STILL???? also dvalin is such theatre kid, they ALL ARE.

aliens destroying the world via football is honestly so level 5 i think they found their footing.

linas eng voice does NOT suit her LMAO itsl like a teenagers voice like thats a grown ass woman bro

caleb is cool tho love his insane sprite

like did jordan EVER apologise for destorying a bunch of schools??? i prolly shouldnt say bombing cuz they werent bombs...

also i thouggt for SURE this franchise would be more popular like ONLY 2,861 FICS ON AO3 FROM A SERIES THAT LARGE????? FUCK OFF... LIKE PROFRSSOR LAYTON HASLIKE TEN THOUDAND OR SMTH STUPID??? and i also need to know which game i can recruit professor layton to football fight with me

and jordan was done SO DIRTY in sesson 3 LIKE NOOO COME BACK :(((((

and i thought axel x mark would be WAYYY more popular than it is???? like i cant believe caleb x jude is the most popular thing on ao3 😭😭

also i cant believe jordan and xavier adopted kariya and its ONLY MENTIONED IN THE DISCONTINUED GACHA GAME???? like isnt that breaking SOME sort of workplace relationship rule?????

im glad to see nelly and mark together, tho it makes me a bit sad to think what silvia wouldve thought bc she def was there when it happened, i also read some of the fandom pages for them and he gets married to camilla in an au???? like GOD silvia cant catch a BREAK

also go was really good!!! hate that pikachu fucker though. /j they got people that arent british!!!! and i got spoilt via my sister. cant believe hurley whirley wasnt in season ine tho wtf. caleb also lookslike a middle aged mother when hes older lmao. i also hate that fuck ass dog for a moment i thoight he was gonna start talking like a certain other level five dog i could name, SHERLY.

and im guessing tenma isnt in orion bc hes dead since axel wasnt alienating himself to save him that time....

i got spoilers and i thought that shawns dead bro was actually alive 😭😭😭 in inazuma eleven

descole and stahnguns secret love child is also cool, love the new captain even if hes rich and plays piano

and i think thats it!!!! thanks for reading if uve read this far lol

[aetherarf]

Requested by Anonymous!

Hello, can i request a hurt/comfort with Childe where we had a bad day and we want him to comfort us but instead he yelled (for some reason) at us. Of course ge didn't mean to do that and he feels very guilty. He did his work fast and went to our shared home. When he got there he sees us crying our souls out and he feels extremely guilty than before. And then he comfort us and apologies and make it up to us.

[[Summary: A good deed never goes unpunished, even if it was little more than a misunderstanding... and riddled with guilt, Childe does everything he can to get back home to you and make everything right. ]]

[[ Word Count: 1'514 ]]

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Childe may have been a... certain individual, but he was a good man, and he worked hard, even if it wasn't always for unselfish reasons. And everyone had to do things for selfish reasons, it was human nature.

But he was also so selfless that it was sometimes odd, to see him flip from side to side, from being so selfish to selfless. But it was just him. And usually, when he was being more selfless, it did wear down on him, wanting to take care of everyone, but not so good at remembering to add himself to the list of people to be cared for.

So, with a hot meal, you decided to go see him... Or, if he was busy, just drop it off with a note you already wrote. Maybe he'd like the note either way, a little physical symbol of affection.

He was sentimental like that.

By the time you got there, you saw him in his 'office', though it was barely that. Weapons were set against the walls, and more than a few spars had been held in here judging by the damage on the floors and walls, but even he had stuffy work to do, paperwork and meetings, and all the painful things a leader would do. Or a Harbinger, really.

He was also too prideful for a secretary, deemed it too stuffy to get one, even if he adamantly didn't need one.

Standing at the back of the room, he seemed... A little hunched over? Tense, pulled taut like a bowstring. You took a few steps in, getting close to his desk that had countless papers scattered over it, as well as one that had some faint singe marks, and was now slightly damp, as though it was extinguished with ice.

"Leave me the fuck alone, I'm sick of you!"

You froze, thankfully having just set down the dish, not dropping it and leaving a mess when he was angry.

And he was pissed, seeing how he was ready to lash out, you could see the faintest glow on the cabinet he was standing by, reflecting his vision, pulsating with a heart rate that was by no means safe.

Immediately, you dashed out, knowing what was good for you, even if his saying such a cruel thing came out of nowhere...

... Was that really how he felt? Work being an escape, even when he did so well to seem like he was happy when you were home before him?

The tears nearly froze to your face before they fell.

**

No.

As soon as Childe heard the pounding of feet on the ground, he knew he did not just yell at Signora. He was hoping it was some recruit- while he didn't want to defy his reputation as being the kindest of the Harbingers [or at least, to some he was considered that], he still had his own temper.

When he turned around, he didn't see anyone, but a dish wrapped up to be kept warm against the Snezhnayan cold. He took a few steps closer and lifted up the letter set atop it...

And his heart sunk, a rock straight into the pit of his belly.

He just yelled at you. You came here, being- being so kind to bring him food, because of course you did, trying to help him in even a small way was more than what most people did.

And it wasn't just yelling- Hell, he was second from spitting some vile things at what he thought was Signora.

He needed to get home.

... Not that he could. He couldn't leave until he got everything done, a big reason Signora was on his ass. But-

He could get it done, he'd get it done, and he'd get it done fast.

[Even when he ate, because of course he ate, needing the food in his stomach to fuel him as he rushed. It was good, and he did not want to admit that his feet felt like they were bleeding from standing and rushing, his hands too sore from writing.

A blessing, as guilty as he felt over it.]

After far too many hours, and after the sun still set, he finished, dropped everything right on Signora's desk, heedless of whatever else she was doing, and left, practically sprinting to get home as fast as possible, hoping you were even there, ignoring the nip of cold air burning in his lungs. Fumbling with the keys and half forcing his way in, he wondered if anyone was there at all. The fireplace unlit, completely dark, and it was spotless as he had left it when he went to go meet with the other Harbingers... It was like he left, and you were never here.

No-

No, you were here, he left you bundled up in blankets, and since then the fire reduced to ashes without even embers left. This is not a home that holds warmth, not right now, only the frigid dread that hung in the air, so thick he could see mist when he exhaled.

Not caring to even take off his coat, he rushed through the hallway, trying to keep his footsteps as light as possible as he strained his hearing as he neared the bedroom at the end of the hall before he could hear the softest, most pitiful crying, muffled by fabric and the door between you. If he had even the slightest lack of self-control, he would've broken down the door, even if it wasn't locked in the first place. Instead, he grabbed the handle and tried to open it slowly, so as to not startle you...

As soon as he did, he spoke, "Hey," he whispered, "Hey, it's just me." He slowly stepped in, he saw you ready to dart, staring at you with horror in your eyes like a deer that had an arrow pointing right between its eyes,

"I'm- I'm not mad!" He shouted, cringing at himself, "I promise," He said softly this time, "I'm not mad, I'm not mad... it's okay."

Slowly, Childe approached the bed, trying not to upset you more, finally sitting down on it, it creaked beneath his weight as he looked at you, uncertain. He snuck his hand to yours, and held it gently, rubbing his thumb over the back of your hand.

He... had some explaining to do.

He could do this.

He didn't do anything unforgivable... he hoped. He really, really, didn't mean it, but wasn't that what all the terrible people said? When he really just... didn't know it was you, and instead someone who didn't listen until you bit?

"I-" He took a deep breath, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell at you, now or before. I didn't think it was you- before, anyway... Signora had been on my ass and I thought it was her- you know how the other Harbingers are," you nodded, at least giving him that much faith that he didn't do anything unforgivable, "Are you... okay?"

"... You're not mad?"

"I'm not mad at all... and I'm sorry I made you think I was." He reassured, feeling that much more at peace when you relaxed into his arms.

He holds you close, every sniffle making his heart crack more and more, but he knew it was for the best you got it out. He wanted you to get out every little bad emotion, he really did. Even if it was a little hard to endure.

Eventually, it quieted down, until there were no whimpers or whines or distress, just the soft sound of breathing in the room, so faint it was almost drowned out by the faint breeze outside.

"... Are you okay?" He finally asked, oh so very hesitant and shy, "It's okay if you're not."

"I am," You said, though he knew the pain remained, at least you were okay.

He sighed with a smile, before it stopped, "Do you want to help make dinner? Or should I just...?"

"Stay for a little longer?" You asked, and he laughed softly,

"Well, I'd love to stay and cuddle, but this position is starting to make me ache... and I sort of forgot to take my boots off." He admitted with the goofiest grin you had ever seen. You could hear them hit the floor as he just removed them, after being inside for so long.

Absurd.

He still pressed a big fat smooch right onto your cheek, "I'll go get the fireplace started so we don't freeze here, alright?" He asked, and upon seeing your agreement, he stood up, then stopped for a moment, balefully staring at the muddy tracks he brought in as he tentatively took off his still-dirtied boots, setting them onto a mat.

"Actually," he said, still staring, "Could you light the fireplace?" He asked, "I'd rather get these up while they're still wet and easy to mop."

For some reason, the absurd change of topic and genuine logic to it made you laugh, and he looked back at you and smiled, with all the love in the world.

[ap-sadistics]

ive been working on my portfolio for art school applications for the past several months and the deadline for one of the colleges i wanna attend is coming up real quick and im not fucking done and im stressed and ive been So Stressed that ive had a persistent eyelid twitch for my right for like a week and its so fucking annoying i want to stab my eye with a fork when will FUCKING STOP DOING THAT. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THIS IS BASICALLY COLLEGE APPS *PEGGLE 2 JUMP* 2!!!!! I CANT BELIEVE IM RELIVING ONE OF THE MOST STRESSFUL TIMES OF MY LIFE AGAIN (SHRIEKS INTO A PILLOW) 4 YEARS LATER AND IM LITERALLY STARTING COMPLETELY OVER AGAIN

[robininthelabyrinth]

NMJ is the only one that knows bc he’s the only one that NHS truly trusts, he’s the only one who knows why NHS focuses so much in painting and art, NHS doesn’t know why or how but with a little bit of spiritual energy he’s able to bring what he paints in paper to the real world and with that the Nie sect has the beasts of legends under their command

on ao3

“How about you draw a flower?” Nie Mingjue said without much conviction. It was hard to have conviction when you knew it was pointless.

“No!” Nie Huaisang shouted, unsurprisingly, because toddlers always shouted. They seemed to have a great deal of feelings and sound for such small frames. “Taotie!”

Nie Mingjue grimaced. “No, no, not Taotie,” he said quickly. Never Taotie, not again. “How about the Baihu? Nice fuzzy tiger?”

“No!”

“Fenghuang? You like birds.”

Nie Huaisang considered it. “I like birds,” he agreed.

Nie Mingjue heaved a sigh of relief. “Me, too,” he said enthusiastically. “I love birds.”

He had never had especially strong feelings about birds, but he was willing to develop some.

“Okay,” Nie Huaisang said, and patted his thigh comfortingly. “I’ll draw you a bird, da-ge.”

“…thanks,” Nie Mingjue said.

When Nie Huaisang was done, he proudly presented Nie Mingjue with the results of his work.

Nie Mingjue put the baby phoenix in the new aviary he’d secretly had constructed behind his father’s back, thinking to himself that the high-grade construction materials he’d insisted on were totally worth losing his allowance for the next year.

The phoenix chick - it looked like a plucked chicken with maybe three feathers total - weakly coughed smoke.

Because of course it did.

Sometimes Nie Mingjue wished that he could just tell someone about Nie Huaisang’s unusual gift – it was a pretty big burden to bear, and he really wasn’t sure he was old enough for this type of responsibility – but no one else deserved to know. If they didn’t have the good taste to like Nie Huaisang when he was no one and nobody, pointless and useless, they didn’t deserve the benefits of knowing him now that he could do stuff.

Even if it was weird stuff. 

Stuff like his ability to summoning the things he drew into existence. 

Even things that might not really exist.

Besides, the thought of Nie Huaisang getting wrapped up into war and politics when he was still so young –

No, better to just store away what he made and hope he grew out of it.

And no more Taoties.

-

“Lan Zhan said his uncle shows people his artwork,” Nie Huaisang said, sitting on Nie Mingjue’s table in the family study. “Why don’t you ever show my artwork?”

“You do art?” their father asked absently, most of his attention on the report he was reading.

“Huaisang does great calligraphy,” Nie Mingjue interjected very quickly. “You’ve seen it – it’s beautiful. And his poems are very well crafted, too.”

“But Lan Zhan said –”

Nie Mingjue mentally resigned himself to not being friends with Lan Xichen any longer, no matter how well they’d gotten along, on the basis that the other boy would probably take it personally when Nie Mingjue murdered his brother.

“He also said stuff about rules,” he said. “Hundreds and hundreds of rules. Do you want to listen to all of those, too?”

“No,” Nie Huaisang said sulkily, five years old and bitter with it. “But…”

“How about we show Lan Wangji your aviary?” Nie Mingjue coaxed. “Go ask him if he’d like to see it. I bet he’s never seen anything like that – and you can ask him what type of animal he likes best, too!”

Nie Huaisang’s eyes went wide at the thought and he dashed off.

“You spoil him far too much,” their father commented. “An aviary – you talk about it more than he does, and you’re always getting birds to fill it up for him, too. Why are you so devoted to him learning to like birds?”

“Better than him liking fierce beasts,” Nie Mingjue said, omitting to mention exactly where he obtained the birds that filled the aviary. “Or corpses.”

“If he liked fierce beasts, perhaps he’d be more martially inclined.”

No, we would be, Nie Mingjue thought. He’d gotten a lot of spare practice with Baxia trying to fight corpses that had no business being there during the period in which Nie Huaisang had gotten temporarily interested in the things in his father’s stories – and that was before Nie Huaisang had learned about yao.

“I don’t want him growing up morbid, that’s all,” he said.

“You’re his brother, not his nursemaid,” their father said, a little exasperated. “Nor are you his mother. Why are you fussing over him so?”

Nie Mingjue huffed and shook his head. “How goes recruitment for the border?” he asked instead, and listened to his father tell him about how people barely a year or two older than him were being sent to risk death in the name of sect honor.

Not Nie Huaisang, he promised himself. Not yet.

He’d tell his father when Nie Huaisang was old enough to handle the consequences.

-

“Huaisang, didi,” Nie Mingjue said, and tried to smile, even though it pained him. “Can you do me a favor? A really, really big favor?”

Nie Huaisang sniffed, clutching at his arms and shaking. “What, da-ge?”

“You remember Jiwei? A-die’s saber? Can you draw that for me, please?”

It only made it worse.

-

“Da-ge?”

“Yes, Huaisang?” Nie Mingjue asked, scowling at the map. It didn’t get any better the longer he looked at it, but maybe if he kept glaring he could cow it into submission.

“Don’t you want me to help?”

Nie Mingjue looked up at where Nie Huaisang was wringing his hands by the door. “Help? With what?”

Nie Huaisang rolled his eyes at him, like it was Nie Mingjue being dense instead of him having started a conversation in the middle. “Uh, with border defense?”

“Why would I ask you to help with that?” Nie Mingjue asked blankly, then realized how his words could be misconstrued. “Not that I wouldn’t ask you to help, of course, but you’ve never really liked battlefield strategy, and anyway you are only twelve –”

“Da-ge!” Nie Huaisang whined. “I meant drawing!”

“…as in maps?”

Nie Huaisang’s glare could light fires.

Nie Mingjue coughed and put aside his work to focus on his brother. “Huaisang, why do you think I would use your drawings in planning out a possible battle?”

“Because they’re useful?” Nie Huaisang said, crossing his arms. “I can make things appear, da-ge, just by drawing them. Not sure if you’ve noticed, but that’s not something that normal people can do.”

“I know,” Nie Mingjue said. “It’s not. But just because it’s not normal doesn’t mean it’s not a wonderful ability, Huaisang.”

Nie Huaisang looked a little bit appeased.

“But just because it’s wonderful doesn’t mean I’m going to abuse your ability,” Nie Mingjue continued. “You should be playing, not working, and if anyone tells you otherwise, you tell me and I’ll straighten them out.”

Nie Huaisang came up and hugged him. “So it’s not that you’re not ashamed of me being weird and useless?”

“I think we’ve already established that an ability like yours is far from useless. And I don’t care how weird you are, principles are principles: you’re too young to be used for battle. Sorry, Huaisang; my hands are tied.”

Nie Huaisang laughed at him and left, looking much happier.

-

“So what would you like?” Nie Huaisang asked, eyes sparkling. “Me and my brush are at the ready, here to help!”

Nie Mingjue rubbed his forehead. “If you’re sure…”

“Da-ge! I’m seventeen – you were already sect leader for two years by my age. And it’s not like I’m going out there on the front lines or anything; I’m just going to draw some stuff for you.”

“You say ‘just’,” he grumbled. “It does drain your qi, you know. That’s why you took such a long time to form a golden core…”

“Yes, but I did get there eventually, didn’t I? And anyway, it’s fine, I’ll do it instead of my usual landscapes. What would you like? A dragon to devour our enemies? The white tiger, nipping at their heels? A taotie –”

“No Taotie.”

“You’re so weird about that,” Nie Huaisang complained, rolling his eyes again. “Fine. Then what?”

“Sabers,” Nie Mingjue said, giving in. “Standard steel, not spiritual. Horses, feed, saddles. Say, how are you at drawing arrows?”

“Da-ge,” Nie Huaisang said. “I can draw you the beasts of legend, and you want me to draw you arrows?”

“Yes. As many as you can bring yourself to create, really; everyone’s always short on arrows. More rice would be good, too –”

“This wasn’t exactly what I was expecting when I volunteered to help,” Nie Huaisang grumbled.

“Are you going to do it for me or not?” Nie Mingjue asked, unimpressed. “You asked me to use you, not to give you an art project.”

His brother heaved a sigh. “Yes, yes, I will. Can you explain to me why this is your choice, at least?”

Nie Mingjue ruffled his brother’s hair. “Huaisang, when you draw something, it comes to life. Fully to life, as a separate and independent creature of its own – if you draw a dragon, who’s to say that the dragon will choose to fight the Wen sect, instead of turning on us? It wouldn’t be much help if we had to run out, sabers drawn, to deal with whatever it was, only to be exhausted before the Wen sect even arrived.”

“…oh.”

“When we’ve made some progress in the field, I promise to let you help build fortifications,” Nie Mingjue said. “You can start thinking of really nasty traps –”

“Da-ge?”

“Yes?”

“…is that why you hate the idea of me drawing Taotie so much?”

Nie Mingjue coughed.

“Da-ge!”

“Don’t worry about it. It was always really good saber practice…”

-

“And if anyone tries anything against you at the camp, you draw something really mean, okay?” Nie Mingjue said, pressing paper and a brush into his brother’s hand in addition to the ones he’d hidden away in his luggage - there was a chance that might be confiscated upon his arrival. “I don’t care what it is.”

“I know, I know –”

“Promise me!”

“I will!” Nie Huaisang exclaimed. “I promise already!”

“Not just if they’re aggressive. Even if things just look suspicious –”

“Suspicious? Like what?”

“If they take you somewhere secluded,” Nie Mingjue said, face drawn with worry. “Somewhere where it’d take us a long time to find your bodies. I don’t care if you put other people in danger from your creation, okay? Don’t make me have to find your corpse.”

Nie Huaisang was silent for a moment. “I understand,” he finally said. “I promise.”

-

“I’m never drawing anything legendary ever again,” Nie Huaisang sniffed into Nie Mingjue’s collar. “That Xuanwu was awful. It tried to eat all of us!”

-

“Do you want me to help with the logistics, Sect Leader Nie?” Meng Yao asked.

“You already help with the logistics,” Nie Mingjue said, not really paying attention. If it was serious, Meng Yao would bring it to his attention – he was a truly remarkable aide-de-camp. “You already help with everything.”

“I appreciate Sect Leader Nie’s confidence in me,” Meng Yao said, smiling a little. “But no, I meant – with the imports.”

“Imports?”

“Every week we receive new shipments of goods – food, weapons, defenses – from Qinghe, and we don’t send any money back. Surely such expenditures are putting a strain on the Nie treasury..?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” Nie Mingjue said. “Huaisang is handling it. It’s good for him to have responsibility.”

Meng Yao looked a little skeptical, but in his defense, he’d met Nie Huaisang.

“Really,” Nie Mingjue assured him. “He’s not going to hurt our budget – it’ll be fine. They’ve come steadily every week so far, haven’t they?”

“If Sect Leader Nie is content, then so am I,” Meng Yao said, but he was pouting a little, perhaps at the perceived lack of trust. He did so love to be helpful.

“You know I trust you with my life,” Nie Mingjue told him. “But this is something that Huaisang is, for once, best placed to handle. Don’t worry about it.”

It wasn’t really his secret to share, after all. Maybe when the war was done.

-

Nie Mingjue was on his back in the throne room of the Fire Palace, staring up at the man who murdered his father and who was about to murder him, too, when he heard the sound.

A high-pitched squeal, unlike anything else he’d ever heard – a little like a pig, a little like a wolf, a little like the long slow grate of metal against metal. It burned on the ear, a vile sound on the verge of being physically painful.

“What is that?” Wen Ruohan asked, frowning. He was standing above Nie Mingjue, his foot crushing down on his chest; Baxia was out of reach, knocked away, but at least no longer in the traitor Meng Yao’s hands. “Meng Yao…?”

“I - I’m not sure, Sect Leader Wen,” Meng Yao said, looking equally confused.

Nie Mingjue laughed.

They both looked at him.

He grinned up at them, blood in his teeth.

“What?” he said. “Never heard a Taotie before?”

[thelastpilot]

‘On GOD We Are Going to Get You a Girlfriend’- A Lovesquare Story as suffered by Nino

My last charity fic for @mlbforblm! The prompt was Aged Up College AU lovesquare, in which Adrien is struggling with his love for both Marinette and Ladybug and Nino is put in the position to be the ultimate wingman. I went a little off script with this prompt but I hope it scratches that itch nonetheless. 

The concept itself lent itself much better to 15k than 4 but I did what I could! Hope it gets a laugh out of you. 

It was twilight in Paris, the tail end of sunset slipping away as people all across campus engaged in extremely varied states of productivity. That is to say, at most 20% of the campus’ live-in population was actually getting any work done, while the rest of them were either limping along or had already given up.

It was midterms week, clearly.

In the dim space of a reasonable apartment accommodation were well -intentioned study implements of every kind. The completely average couch and carpet were covered with just enough of a layer of highlighters, pens, and printed pages to give a really studious impression at a glance, but whatever vibe it might have managed was thoroughly ruined by a young man laying face down on the floor, a game console nearly tumbling from his hands. Another, separate, but equally as unfocused young man had his back to plain white wall against which they had been meaning to put like… a chair or something at least for most of the semester now, staring idly out of the sliding glass door to his left that offered only a sliver of a view from his current position. At most he could see two lovely, but neglected, potted plants and a shoddy balcony looking off towards the main body of their college campus.

He watched the small patch of sky he could see succumb to a light coverage of clouds, and as he considered the possibility of rain, he sighed.

“Nino?” he finally spoke, looking away from his strip of sky. He waited for a response for a second or two, before reaching out with his foot and gently prodding his friend’s side to check he was alive, smirking slightly when he received a grunt for his efforts.

“Mm,” Nino answered from his curled up position, the glasses on his face a perfect reflection of his Pokemon team’s stats, which was ironic considering that Stats was exactly the thing Nino was avoiding at the minute. After a beat too long, he realized his friend was still waiting on his response. He lifted his head slightly, his hat falling free to the ground as he said, “Mm? Yeah?” He blinked slowly. “What?”

Adrien smiled down at him, chuckling a little before tossing aside a textbook he had been pretending to take notes from for the last hour. When his lap was free he leaned forward and rolled to the ground, mimicking Nino’s exact positioning on the ground a small distance away from him, sighing again (louder this time).

“What?” Nino repeated himself, laughing when Adrien leveled him with a sour look. He rolled his eyes but dutifully paused his game, shutting his Switch off and putting it on the ground out of their eyeline. “Go for it dude, what’s up.”

“You’re not going to like it.”

“Is it a girl thing?” Nino asked flatly, raising an eyebrow when all Adrien managed was a sheepish smile. “Dude.”

“Come on! You’re my friend, you’re contractually obligated. Look don’t make fun of me just help okay; I’m really stuck now.” Adrien pleaded with him, bringing his hands in front of him to cartoonishly beg for his grace. He got another eye roll for his trouble but Nino hadn’t gotten up and left yet so that was a good sign.

It wasn’t that his friend didn’t want to help him, its just that… well.

Adrien always had some kind of girl problem, pretty much off and on for the past five years. He knew it got hard to listen to and Nino had put in way more than his fair share of time into this. Especially since he had made essentially no progress whatsoever in all that time, but boy was he almost on to something here.

Nino said nothing else, making a vague hand gesture for him to continue and Adrien did as he always did.

He hesitated, carefully considering how to phrase something.

“So um, there is this girl. That uh, girl, I always talk about. The one you don’t know. And then there is another girl, one who you do know.”

“Do we HAVE to be so vague man? We’re in our own place, there is no one around. Can’t you just say it? I get so confused when we do it like this.”

Adrien tensed slightly, discomfort crawling up his back. “I uh, I can’t. Just- just listen okay? I can’t explain it.”

“We’re in our house,” Nino complained again. But Adrien ignored him, because he always ignored him when he said that.

“Just listen okay?”

Nino looked at him squarely, or at least as squarely as he could manage while laying on the ground. When Adrien patiently waited for a response Nino finally sighed, rolling on his stomach and laying his face sideways on the floor to match him, nodding stiffly for him to continue.

“It’s just, there is these two girls,” he began, “I’m losing my mind over it, I’m worried man and it’s coming to a head. I know I’ve said that before, but I mean it this time. I have never ONCE in my entire LIFE gotten the timing right Nino, I’m dead serious.” Adrien rolled around a little gripping his hair with both hands. “I get the timing wrong EVERY TIME. I have never been where I’m supposed to be! I’ve never made a move at the right time I have never done it right. I get close with one girl but she doesn’t reciprocate or she tells me to wait or she says that its complicated, then I get close to the other girl but I feel GUILTY because I still care about the first girl. But she says it isn’t right so I work on it I let go but then the other girl is gone or moves on or life gets in the way. I have been in the wrong place EVERY TIME-,”

 Adrien’s ranting continues, rolling around on their carpet as he incredibly vaguely and very stupidly details a problem that he has had for many, many years. Nino can feel himself retreating into his own thoughts, more focused on Adrien’s animated rolling than his actual words. He reaches out once to save a stack of notes from getting creased and ruined, but other than that remains completely still and lets his friend do his thing.

This happened maybe once a week or so, maybe a little less often or more often depending on the status of the girls.

The fact that Adrien literally REFUSED to say their names made this completely incoherent, but where in his love life he was inconsistent, when it came to never talking about work Adrien was true to form.

Nino blinked blearily as Adrien continued, pouring over the reasons he cared so deeply for them both and why that made him feel like a bad person. It left Nino to stew, wondering much like always why they did it like this.

The two of them were superheroes. Spoilers if you didn’t know. He didn’t feel like much of a superhero when he was sprawled out on his shared apartment floor suffering the long run up to failing his Stats midterm like any other student. But the fact remained that he was one, and so was Adrien. The problem was that Adrien was serious about keeping life and work separate. It was pretty much only hard and fast rule about this gig that Nino had picked up on when he first joined. Never talk about work as a civilian, under any circumstances. You only get to talk about work when you’re suited up, and you’re only allowed to talk about life in plain clothes.

Honestly, it was so hard to do it that way, but the rules were clear, not that anyone had actually stopped to explain them to him. Adrien froze up whenever he even so much as mentioned an akuma attack or asked about an injury. Don’t talk about work, but…

They lived together now, this was the first semester where they had done so and Nino was so hyped about it. Like FINALLY, our kwamis can relax and we can be ourselves. He had been so excited about it, but to his profound disappointment Adrien refused to relent on his rule. Their kwamis were never even out in the open except for in their rooms, like he knew Adrien was strict but surely he wasn’t that committed.

Nino understood that it was probably Ladybug’s rule but still, it’s not like she was here. He wouldn’t advocate for disobeying her but… come on man. His brain hurt.

He KNEW Adrien was talking about Ladybug/Marinette. He knew that for a fact, but Adrien would never say her name out loud, because that overlaps with work (even though they hang out with her in person like every single day.) Maybe Nino didn’t know who the heck this second girl he was talking about was, but at the very least he could be clear about one of them.

Whoever the second girl actually was sounded a lot like Marinette, so the for-sure thing was that he had a type. Honestly though he had stopped trying to figure it out years ago. If he wasn’t so exhausted from not studying he would humor him like he always did, but today… man he was kind of tired.

He waited until Adrien was done talking, undoubtably ending by asking for advice as per the usual. Then, like always, Nino said what he always did.

“You need to communicate. If you are not crystal clear with these girls about what they want and what you want nothing with ever happen. You need to bite the bullet and TELL them, at least ONE of them, what you’re thinking.”

And like always, Adrien groaned and covered his face and said, “It’s not that easy!”

They both grumbled dejectedly into the carpet, repeating their years old platitudes until they gave up on each other. Nino usually did this a lot better but he reserved the right to tap out and Adrien usually seemed to accept that.

The only different thing Adrien actually said was when he was standing. He mumbled, “I know, I know. You’re right, as usual but… I’m maybe gonna ask someone else. See what they think.”

“I don’t know what answer you’re hoping for, but that’s all I’ve got.”

“I know,” Adrien sighed, offering a hand to help him off the ground. He smiled gently, but his eyes were sad. Enough of a gesture to explain that he wasn’t actually mad at Nino’s dismissiveness. He had a right to refrain.

 They spent an idle few minutes cleaning up their mess, consolidating their notes and books into two loose piles and neither saying much. It was only about thirty or so minutes later when Adrien announced vaguely, “I’m gonna go for a run.”

“Yeah man,” Nino answered, knowing by heart Adrien’s codeword for ‘patrol’. Didn’t know why he didn’t just say it, but that was a dead horse long beaten.

 Adrien left within a minute or two but Nino stood blearily for awhile in the living room, staring at nothing as he debated just going to bed for the day.

He was just about to head to his room to ask if Wayzz was ready for dinner when the kwami in question came flying into the room, confidently out in the open space now that Adrien was gone.

“You’re getting a call!” Wayzz piped up importantly, waving his little flippers a bit to sell the point. “It’s Cat Noir!”

“I- what?” Nino sputtered, glancing towards the apartment door in confusion. “He literally just- ugh.” Nino groaned as loudly as possible, Wayzz shaking his head a little. “Why is he LIKE THIS, he could have just TOLD ME TO COME.”

“I know he’s odd about it, but he must have his reasons. You should go, he must need you for patrol.”

Nino demanded a few more moments of frustration, which Wayzz indulged, before grabbing his keys and unlocking a window in case he didn’t feel like using them. It was Adrien’s turn tonight but okay whatever.  

 It only took him a minute or two to transform and get out onto their building’s roof, stretching a bit before raising his wrist. He forced himself to take a deep breath and remind himself of the rules while he returned Adrien’s call.

Through the hazy, green, holographic screen he saw the face of Cat Noir answer on the first ring, the feline superhero sighing in relief and smiling widely.

“There you are! I was hoping you were out. Hey, I know this is kind of sudden but… um I was wondering if you were willing to meet up with me. I want to ask you about something.”

He allowed himself to hang his head in frustration just out of the video feeds eyeline, pulling a sharp breath through his teeth before answering, “Yeah bud. Lets meet up.”

“Great!” Cat Noir answered enthusiastically, genuinely happy that he had agreed for whatever reason. “Meet me here when you get a second,” and he sent over his current location. Sure enough he was literally like, one block over.

He hung up without a goodbye, dragging his feet as he started to head that way. He was slow about it sine it was at most five seconds away for him. Adrien was so INTENSE about this charade some days it just drove him completely crazy. But rules are rules.

He waited for about a minute to distance their patterns, then with a short jump and a few corner’s turned he found Cat Noir crouched on top of the Linguistics building.

“Hey, you got here fast,” Cat greeted him happily, a little nervous looking actually. ‘Carapace’ as he was really had to resist the eye roll there, deciding instead to nod.

He went over and sat somewhat heavily, not pretending with an greeting at all and just watching him flatly. For whatever reason this made Cat Noir hesitate a little, but he quickly got over it, pushing through the weirdness and folding his hands in his lap.

“Well, listen I won’t waste your time much. I know we don’t really do this, we only ever talk about work and that’s the safe thing, I get how it is.” Cat Noir looked away, his gaze fixated on the possibility of rain, before he finally sighed.

“I just… I was wondering if I could get some… girl advice?”

Cat Noir looked to his ally, scanning his face and getting even more nervous as he more or less saw a brick wall of an expression on Carapace’s face.

Carapace blinked, saying nothing as Cat Noir began to talk unprompted, persevering despite the lack of reciprocation.

“So um, there is a girl, and you know that.  I always talk about her, and there is another girl, one that you don’t know.”

Carapace blinked.

He softly let out a “Bro…” but Cat Noir was hyping himself up now and he started rolling.

“It’s just, there is these two girls,” he began, “I’m losing my mind over it, I’m worried man and it’s coming to this point where like, I-,”

He kept going, looking down at his gloved hands and missing Carapace’s slowly warping expression. He started rambling, about how he always got the timing wrong, about how he cared about both these girls so much and he just didn’t know what to do. He started and he didn’t stop, completely unaware of Carapace starting to lose touch with reality.

Finally Carapace interrupted, stammering slightly in a tone that was wildly like…

Disbelief?

“Dude I- stop, hang on. Dude I just- I know?” He waited for a beat, watching Cat Noir blink in confusion. He scanned his face, looking for just- literally anything. After another moment that was way too long, he finally braved it. “We- we already, we already talked about this.”

Cat straightened, throwing his head back in exasperation and groaning loudly, “Okay I know I talk about girls sometimes but I honestly never bother you with this much can you humor me please?”

“No I-,” Carapace paused, his voice getting quieter. “We just… literally we-,”.

“Please man I- UGH I’m really having trouble!” He nearly shouted it, looking so genuinely unheard that Carapace was reeling. “You’re one of my only close guy friends I NEED a second opinion, I’m begging now. I already asked my other friend but he always says the exact same thing and he’s RIGHT but I need someone to say something else!” Cat suddenly mimicked his voice saying, “”You need to communicate.” That’s what he says, he’s RIGHT obviously but I just-,”

He kept talking, briefly glossing over how this ‘friend of his’ wasn’t particularly helpful with this line of questioning, so Cat Noir had chosen to seek HIM out instead.

And as he went on with his rant, Carapace slowly brought his hands to his face in intense contemplation.

Suddenly, in the middle of Cat Noir’s over the top love ranting Carapace decided to interrupt him.

“Hold up- hold on now. I need to clarify something, just cause I need to double check alright, just checkin’ something.”

Cat Noir paused, looking to him and slowly saying, “…okay?”

“You KNOW I know you’re Adrien Agreste right?”

 Silence. Cat abruptly went rigid, but Carapace just splayed his hands wide, rapidly searching his face for confirmation of the impossible.

“Like dawg you KNOW that right? You’re aware? You know that right?”

Cat Noir was frozen, holding as still as possible like Carapace was a T-Rex and if he didn’t move this problem was just gonna go away. But Carapace pressed further, getting louder as he said “DUDE you know who I AM RIGHT?!”

The feline superheroes breathing was starting to pick up, his eyes blown wide as he REALLY looked at his friend, before he nearly inaudibly squeaked, “…no?”

“ADRIEN-,”

“Shhh!” Cat Noir leapt forward, trying to grapple him as he went into full panic mode, “Wait shut up shut up!”

“IT’S BEEN FIVE YEARS!”

“SHUT UP!”

They started to wrestle, Cat Noir violently shushing his companion as he had a full melt down, saying things like “All this time-!” and “You’re an idiot!” and “I thought you were just- oh my god!”

“Please!!! This is terrible Carapace shut up!! I don’t know how you found out my identity but I-,”

“WHOSE THE SECOND GIRL-!?”

“Lower your voice!”

“WHOSE THE SECOND GIRL”

“What do you mean?!”

Carapace gripped him hard by the shoulders and threw them both until Cat Noir was flat on his back with a harsh thump against the roof tiles. The turtle hero held him tight and shook his shoulders, his eyes crazed with years of realization colliding together at once. “Who is the second girl in your ridiculous life, what’s her name?!”

Cat Noir looked wild and frightened, finally becoming so flustered that he just hissed in a whisper, “It’s Marinette okay!?”

“And?”

“And WHAT!?”

“AND?” Carapace reiterated, shaking him harder.

“And LADYBUG you MORON!” he hissed as quietly as he possibly could.

Instantly Carapace stopped, holding him in a vice like grip just above the tiles. After an incredibly still moment, he dropped him, closing his eyes and putting his hands over his face.

Cat Noir was flat on his back, panting heavily and staring up at him freaked out, but it was like Carapace had been struck by lightning and he was just sitting there, completely still.

 “Oh,” was all he finally said, curling in on himself slightly. Before suddenly, he pitched to the side and just lay there on the roof tiles, rolling onto his stomach.

“…oh?!” Cat eventually managed, twisting onto his side to look at him just laying there. “That’s all you have to say?! Of COURSE it’s Ladybug! I talk about her EVERY. DAY.”  

“This… explains… so much,” Carapace muttered, not even listening to him. With a huff Cat crawled onto all four and went over to him, his heart racing in what was nearly a panic attack at this point. But all of Carapace’s energy had been spent, and he just mumbled dejectedly with his face smooshed against the tiles.

Cat Noir’s ears twisted forward, trying to make out the words, before he just lost his patience and hissed “What are you saying?!”

“I said YOU’RE STUPID!” the turtle barked out, turning his face back into the filthy roof.

“Why am I- UGH forget it! Just forget it we have a way bigger problem here- If Ladybug finds out my identity has been compromised she’s going to-,”

“Is SHE stupid too!?” Carapace interjected, twisting just enough to look up at him incredulously. “Is everyone stupid but ME?”

“What the hell are you talking about?! Dude there is RULES! No one is allowed to know anyone elses identity!”

Carapace just gaped at him, before his eyes unfocused and he just went limp. He whispered it when he said, “So she IS stupid…”

He waited a beat, and wretchedly mumbled to himself, “Oh god you’re both so stupid.”

 Cat Noir was at a loss, looking all around him like he was desperately trying to make sense of it all, stopping only to try and sort of Carapace’s miserable breakdown.

He was about to give up and just drag Carapace to a lockable room somewhere before his friend propped himself up all at once with the most exasperated expression he had ever seen on a human person.

“So help me- someone has to do some shit about this, listen to me-,” Carapace got to his knees and lunged forward to grab him by the bell. He pulled him forward, and with all the determination of a war general he proclaimed, “On GOD I am going to get you a girlfriend, do you hear me? I am going to make this happen because I can not STAND another DAY of this. Got it?!”

“I- Carapace I-!?”

“GOT IT?!”

  Cat Noir dangled helplessly in his grip, and with his last wits he sputtered out, “Okay, okay!!! I’ll do whatever you say!”

[cuddlepilefics]

I’m glad to see you back!! I’m not sure if you are accepting requests but just in case I’d like to request an emeto sick Jooheon with Changkyun as a caretaker! (Can you guess who my biases are lol) I hope you are doing well!!

Sleep well, honey

Fandom: Monsta X

Sickie: Jooheon

Caregiver: Changkyun

Prompt: 'Hot water bottle' @sicktember

No one's POV.:

Monsta X had finally gotten a day off after a long time. Most members wanted to go out and have fun or visit their families, who they haven't seen in a while. The two maknaes however felt tired out from their busy schedules and decided they'd stay at the dorm and sleep in as late as they'd want to, which on Jooheon's case ended up being really late. Changkyung had already been up for two hours and not wanting to wake his friend, made himself a small breakfast before lazing on the couch and watching TV. It was already a bit past lunch time when he started to worry. Sure, they all were exhausted but sleeping this long really was extreme. The youngest decided to give Jooheon thirty more minutes before he'd go and check on him. Those thirty minutes passed with Changkyun unable to focus on the drama he was watching before he got up and quietly made his way to his friend's room. He carefully opened the door just a crack, peaking into the dim room. Apparently, the older rapper was still asleep. Walking closer, Changkyun looked at his hyung. Jooheon was curled up around a pillow, hugging it to his middle. His brows were furrowed, forehead glistening with sweat. Before the younger could feel for a fever though, Jooheon stirred, looking at Changkyun surprised. "Sorry for waking you", the maknae apologized, sitting down on the edge of the mattress. Closing his eyes again, Jooheon shook his head and denied: "You didn't, I've already been awake for a while."

Uncomfortable with the silence, Changkyung asked: "Are you okay? I thought I'd check on you, considering how late it is already." – "I-I've got a stomach ache... Can you make it better?", the older groaned, grimacing in pain. As if to prove his point, his stomach grumbled angrily, causing the rapper to squeeze his eyes shut and bury his face in the pillow. Unsure of how he was supposed to make it better, Changkyun offered: "Well, you haven't had breakfast yet. I could make you something light and see if that settles your stomach." Gritting his teeth as a cramp hit, Jooheon shook his head. "Please don't make me food", he breathed, when the cramp let up. Rubbing the older's back comfortingly, Changkyung wracked his brain to come up with another way to help his friend. "How about a hot water bottle?", he hummed after a few minutes of thinking, "Might help your muscles relax and ease the cramps a little." – "Please", Jooheon nodded, gripping his pillow tighter. Squeezing his hyung's shoulder, Changkyun got up and promised: "Be back in a minute. Hang in there." The older nodded again, although this time, his dongsaeng couldn't see it as he was already out of the room.

As he waited for Changkyun to return, Jooheon couldn't help but notice the way the pain in his abdomen slowly morphed into something else. His stomach churned, letting out a sickly gurgle. Propping himself up on his elbow, Jooheon brought his fist up to his lips and muffled a queasy belch. He hoped it was just some gas wanting out but by the way his mouth watered, he could tell he wouldn't be that lucky. Unsure of what was going to happen, he stayed propped up, which was how Changkyun found him a few minutes later. "You okay?", The rapper asked worriedly, placing the hot water bottle aside to take in the other's sickly appearance, noting, "You could blend in with the wall perfectly with how white you look right now." – "I-I don't know", the older muttered, "It just hurt at first but now, I feel nauseous out of nowhere." Gently pulling the pillow out of his hyung's grasp, the maknae hummed: "Let's camp out in the bathroom for a while." Jooheon nodded, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He needed a moment for his head to stop spinning and for his stomach to settle a bit, as he feared he'd get sick all over the floor the moment he stood up.

Changkyung stayed close by and wrapped an arm around Jooheon's waist, supporting him as he stumbled to the bathroom, one arm cradling his upset stomach. The older already felt bile rising up his throat and swallowed back a gag, clenching his teeth, afraid something would come up before they made it to the bathroom. His shaky legs giving out the moment he reached his destination. Jooheon squeezed his eyes shut praying for his stomach to settle while the younger flipped up the toilet seat. Knowing how much his friend hated throwing up, Changkyun crouched behind him and rubbed his back. He could feel the heat radiating through his shirt. Remembering that he had wanted to check for a fever earlier but had gotten distracted when the other woke up, the maknae pressed the backs of his fingers against his hyung's neck. Jooheon shuddered at the cold touch. "You're burning", the younger cooed sympathetically, getting back up to fetch a cold washcloth. Jooheon only groaned, not really surprised at the revelation. His stomach was still doing backflips and he could feel his mouth water. Swallowing convulsively, the rapper moved closer to the toilet bowl. He hated being sick with a passion and would try his hardest to keep his stomach in place. Slowly he was losing the fight though and it freaked him out. Changkyun could tell by the way his friend's hands shook. Draping the cool cloth across the older's neck, he hummed: "Deep breaths. Stressing yourself out isn't going to help."

Trying to take a deep breath, Jooheon shook his head. His air was cut off by his throat contracting with an unproductive gag, that brought tears to his eyes. Only seconds later, his stomach lurched and he choked up a wave of mainly stomach acid. Changkyun was there, rubbing his back and whispering words of encouragement. Clutching the other's hand for support, Jooheon retched again. His ears rang as he threw up last night's dinner. Catching a short break, Jooheon tore off a wad of toilet paper to first dry the tears and sweat before cleaning his lips and chin. "Do you think you're done?", Changkyun whispered, rewetting the washcloth. The older shook his head, crossing his arms over the toilet and dizzily resting his head on them. Gently combing his hair back, the maknae sighed: "You already felt sick last night, didn't you? I remember you barely ate anything for dinner." – "Jus' wasn't hungry", Jooheon denied, cringing at the vile smell. "Alright, sit back against the tub for a moment, yeah?", the younger frowned, reaching to flush the toilet for the older, "Are you sure you're not done? You barely ate dinner and skipped breakfast entirely. How could there possibly be anything for you to throw up?" – "T-There is", Jooheon insisted, leaning over the toilet again.

They sat there for another twenty minutes but nothing happened aside from the rapper's stomach turning painfully. Still running his hand up and down the older's back, Changkyun offered: "Do you want me to call any of the hyungs for you?" Jooheon shook his head. They should enjoy their day off. "I could get you some water. Maybe if you drink something, you could throw up and get it over with", the younger tried, hoping to find a way to help his friend feel at least a little better. Unsurprisingly, Jooheon shook his head again. He hated throwing up, so there was no way he'd make himself sick even if he would feel better afterwards. After another ten minutes, Changkyun was able to convince him to move to the living room couch. While the older curled up there, drawing his legs up to his chest and hugging his sore middle, the maknae fetched a bucket and placed it next to the couch just in case. Then he collected the hot water bottle he had abandoned on his friend's bed and went to refill it, so it'd be nice and warm again. "You still want this", he asked quietly, crouching next to the couch and showing his hyung the hot water bottle. The older nodded, uncurling just enough to hug the newfound heat source to his middle. It was only now that he noticed just how cold he felt. Changkyun picked up on the little shivers and frowned. Jooheon's fever must have gone up if he was having chills like that.

Retrieving a fluffy blanket from his room, the maknae also fetched an ice pack before returning to the living room. He spread the blanket over his hyung's tightly curled up form and warned: "I'll put something cold on your forehead. Your head must be hurting from the high temperature you're sporting." Jooheon mumbled something incoherent and flinched a bit when the younger pressed the icepack to his forehead. Heart aching in sympathy, Changkyun stroked the other's arm till he had gotten used to the cold sensation on his face and was able to relax a bit. "Do you want me to turn on the TV to distract you a bit?", the maknae asked, reaching for the remote. He couldn't just let his friend wither in pain. Though he didn't get a reply, he turned on a random drama that was playing, making sure the volume was just loud enough to understand. After a few minutes, Jooheon opened his eyes and glanced at the TV too. If he couldn't sleep anyway, a distraction didn't sound too bad. In the beginning, the background noise and distraction were really welcome but after sometime, all the colors seemed to blur together, making the rapper's head pound. He closed his eyes, hoping to follow along with the plot despite not being able to see it. It didn't work and not being occupied anymore, he started paying more attention to how his body felt. Jooheon could feel every slight turn of his stomach and took a deep breath, reminding himself that the bucket was right there and nothing bad could happen to him. He'd be fine.

Ten minutes later, Changkyun noticed how his friend's skin shade looked faded and washed out. Just as he wanted to ask if everything was alright, the older propped himself on his elbow and leaned over the edge of the couch. Pulling the bucket closer, Jooheon drew in a shaky breath. Tears already pricked at his eyes. They finally had a day off and he had to spend it miserable like this. "Ssh, you're okay", Changkyun promised, moving closer to rub the other's back. The older choked out a sob before ducking his head into the bucket with a forceful retch. Changkyun patted his back as he coughed up a wave of sick. Considering it was mostly stomach acid and bile, Jooheon's throat burned making it incredibly painful to take in a breath. Before he could really recover from the first wave, his stomach lurched again and the younger cringed at the wet splattering noise. Changkyun could feel his own stomach clench and looked away but his hand never stopped drawing soothing circles onto his hyung's back.

Exhausted, Jooheon flopped onto his back, his arm draped over his face as he tried to recover from the exertion. "I'll get you some water. You don't have to drink immediately but maybe rinse your mouth", Changkyun hummed, placing the icepack back onto his friend's forehead before getting up and making his way to the kitchen. When he returned, the older seemed almost asleep but groaned quietly when the maknae rubbed his arm to get his attention. Jooheon sat up with some struggle and accepted the water his dongsaeng handed him. First, he rinsed his mouth a few times before taking a small sip and handing the glass back. Helping the older get settled again, Changkyun tucked the blanket around his hyung's shoulders and asked: "Will you be alright for a moment, so I can clean this out?" Jooheon nodded with his eyes closed. He felt like the couch was moving underneath him and just wanted for it to stay still so he could go to sleep. With the dizziness taking up most of his attention, he barely noticed when Changkyun returned and placed the now clean bucket back on the floor. The maknae could tell Jooheon wasn't asleep, his face didn't look relaxed enough for that. In hopes of helping the older get some rest, he played with his hair and gently scratched his scalp, successfully distracting Jooheon from most of his discomfort. He was too exhausted to stay awake much longer anyway. Changkyun smiled a bit when his hyung's face relaxed and he huffed a soft breath in his sleep. Sleep well, honey.

[nillegible]

(Part 3 of Stay, the MY time travel fic. Read Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 )

It’s several more weeks before he meets Qin Su again, and it’s like having a sword shoved through his gut a second time.

He thought he’d gotten over her death in the weeks since, but apparently not.

Meng Yao’s skills at administrative work, honed to perfection over years of managing Jin sect, had resulted in a series of rapid promotions, as more and more people realized that Meng Yao was not only capable but willing to do boring meticulous drudge work and do it well. By the time Qin Su returns from her mother’s small, secluded clan, Clan Liu, Meng Yao is one of Qin Cangye’s personal aides.

He keeps his face when she thanks him for saving her life just barely. It’s so hard, when she looks so young and carefree, untouched by the grief for a lost child, of a secretive husband who never turned to her.

Meng Yao had done that to her.

I didn’t have a choice, he’d cried to Er-ge, in a temple and felt justified. In front of her sweet face, that defence dies a quiet death.

She’d killed herself, when she heard the truth, and for one moment, in between the grief, the rising terror of an unknown enemy stalking him, he’d hated her for it. Do you think you have suffered more than I? How dare you take your own life, while I still didn’t give up?

But he owes her better than that, so he smiles, and promises the Young Mistress Qin that it was Meng Yao who was honoured to have been of assistance to her. He remains perfectly cordial, always, in her presence. He doesn’t hide away, doesn’t take paths around the buildings that she frequents, even though every time he sees her again, it hurts.

This pain, at least, Meng Yao deserves.

He’s careful not to get too close though. He makes his excuses not to join her where he can, and never shows her the attention he had in a previous life. He didn’t expect this to be noticed, but as he’s learned the hard way, some eyes are always sharper than Meng Yao would give them credit for.

*

When Qin Tianyu approaches him for tea and a discussion of the talismans that Meng Yao has been reworking to be more efficient, he thinks nothing of it. When they’re working on writing some together after, and the talisman master carefully broaches the topic as if it wasn’t intentional, Meng Yao can see the Sect Leader’s interest in the matter.

“Meng Yao has been noticeably cold to Su-sizhi,” says Qin Tianyu.

Meng Yao looks up, sharply. “I have no quarrel with Qin-guniang.” How did I miss this?

“I said cold, not a quarrel,” he returns calmly. “She is the only one you do not call shijie.”

“She’s the heir, it’s polite, Qin-shishu,” Meng Yao says, even though he knows it’s not good enough. Everyone else calls her Su-shijie, quite enthusiastically. He endures the carefully considering look that Qin Tianyu sends his way. His mask had held up beneath Wen Ruohan, Nie Mingjue, Jin Guangshan, and Lan Xichen. He would not be unmasked by the a simple elder of Laoling Qin.

But Qin Tianyu just nods, as if confirming something to himself. “The idea was floated that Meng Yao joined Qin sect for Su-sizhi.” he says, and Meng Yao freezes, wary. “After all, Sect Leader Jin does not need another spare heir.”

Meng Yao sits in silence, work ignored as he tries to decide on a response. He had briefly considered before approaching Sect Leader Qin that it may look like this from outside, but had reasoned to himself that as long as he showed no interest in Qin Su, it would blow over, and he’d look like any other disciple. That people would find it suspicious that Meng Yao was not angling to marry her to become the next Qin Sect Leader is a surprise.

So, what should he say to turn this suspicion astray?

“This humble disciple is merely Sect Leader Jin’s bastard son. Young Mistress Qin deserves better,” he says, hoping that was vague enough to be acceptable.

“Meng Yao professes to be remarkably unambitious,” returns Qin Tianyu, lightly. Liar, he’s saying, even though for once Meng Yao isn’t actually lying. Qin Su did deserve better than what he’d given her. He’d loved her enough to know that. But unambitious people cannot do what Meng Yao did to keep his place at Wen Sect. Couldn’t remove the head of Wen Ruohan and end a war.

Unambitious people would not do all of that, just to become one of threw personal aides of a minor Clan Leader.

“Maybe I used it up,” says Meng Yao. From the way the elder glances up, he realizes that he had been silent long enough that he believed he wouldn’t get an answer. But Meng Yao has found his words, and there’s nothing to do but continue, “My mother wished to be a Jin concubine. She wanted me to do anything it takes to secure a place within Jin Sect. That it was the only way for me to live well.”

And she was wrong. She was as wrong about this as she was about Jin Guangshan. It had been a constant, grinding pain, to know again and again that the person he loved above all else had been so incredibly wrong. Meng Yao had thrown himself life and soul into trying to prove her right, into gaining his father’s regard and living well. He’d fought desperately, thinking that if only he gathered a little more influence, that if he did just a little bit more, then he’d succeed. Get the recognition his mother craved for him.

At some point, spite and fury had taken the place of love and duty, but he had not wavered in his goal. But he’d still never proved her right; had murdered his own father, and sat in mourning like a filial son, truly mourning how much he’d failed.

Nothing that he did could ever make up for it. This time, he knew better than to even try.

“It was my mother’s ambition,” he says aloud for the first time. Perhaps to a broken woman who did not even own herself, it had been liberating to imagine owning so much, to be in control of her own fate. “It was hers, but I…”

He falls silent, and after a few moments Qin Tianyu returns his attention to his paused work. For several minutes, he just watches the hypnotic way that the talisman master draws the same talisman again and again with the most minute of differences, to be tested and ranked according to efficacy.

“But you?” he prompts, when the stack is complete.

I want to live. That single, animalistic need, that had kept him alive through so much that would have killed others. I will not die here. Not now.

“I want to live,” says Meng Yao. And then continues, unable to stop, “I wanted her to live, too.” And when she didn’t, when illness wasted her away, taking her from him in pieces, unable to save her for want of something as immaterial as gold… something had broken in him.

Qin Tianyu nods, serene, as he gathers up the completed talismans. “Meng Yao would do well to think about why.”

Why?

You think your life is worth more than theirs? All the people you sacrificed, to live just a few years longer?

“Why shouldn’t I deserve to live?” asks Meng Yao, sharp. “Why shouldn’t we… why are our lives to be discarded at the whim of those stronger than us?”

“Silly child,” he says, “You have survived. You are alive. Now what?” Meng Yao just stares. “Perhaps Meng Yao should consider getting on with other things.”

Get on with what? Meng Yao had turned down Sect Leader Jin’s offer, had given up the name Jin Guangyao, just to escape the tragedies that that would precipitate.

But he was alive now. He was alive, and had time – perhaps even unmeasured time, so long as he stayed out of his father’s way. Perhaps he wouldn’t cultivate to near immortality, like those stronger than him, but he could live nearly a century more. Now what? Why are you alive?

It was so unlike him to not have a plan, but for once he hadn’t really. He didn’t…

“Meng Yao,” Qin Tianyu snaps, and when Meng Yao looks up, he’s leaning forward over the table, hand out and hovering over Meng Yao’s wrist.

“Master Qin?” asks Meng Yao, but rather than answer, the elder gently touches his fingertips to Meng Yao’s wrist. The pressure of foreign qi is familiar; light and diagnostic, before it withdraws.

“This old teacher apologizes,” he says, when he’s done. “I did not mean to cause you distress.”

“Not at all, this martial nephew is glad for his elder’s guidance,” says Meng Yao, taking his hand back and holding it to his chest. “I will meditate on how to prove myself more useful to Qin sect in the future.”

“Meng Yao, you misunderstand. No, rather, it was this master who misspoke. I did not mean to imply that you must prove yourself.”

“I understand,” says Meng Yao, after a beat. Spoken aloud, it must have sounded more cruel than he wished. But that was still what he meant.

There is no resolution after that. Qin Tianyu seems unable or unwilling to explain better, though he clearly thinks about it for a while. Finally, he dismisses Meng Yao, who leaves with the talismans. The lingering unease of a conversation that went poorly is left to fester in the room, while Meng Yao retreats to the disciple quarters immediately.

He resolves to work harder.

[AN: What do you think? Too OOC? I'm hoping to give MY a proper and slow redemption story, but it’s a toss up whether it’s going well or not. Thannk you for reading, please drop a comment in the replies if you have writing advice! I’ll be so grateful!]

[Click here for part 4!]

[fallcolorspringrapid]

i’ve been drowning in feelings too much to post screencaps of the last two episodes, but now that i’ve maybe calmed down a bit, i’ll post the somewhat random selection i took of ep 49 while watching. it’ll have to do, not going to be able to go back and rewatch right now

i can’t even remember exactly what is happening here. i think they’re looking at jin guangyao...oh, it’s probably from when xichen was kneeling with him, that would explain the very conflicted expression on lwj’s face

i love how xichen and a-yao’s relationship works as a kind of dark mirror to lwj/wwx. it’s so painfully delicious to think this is lan zhan looking at what might have been his fate had wei ying turned out to be the monster everyone thought he was. he went through hell when wwx died, but at least he never had to watch wwx confess years and years of evil deeds

unlike poor xichen...

he’s been so saint-like in his patience and compassion, and now those are finally all but used up

(also, look at his delicate fingers! they are giving me thoughts)

and oh a-yao!

poor little snake, all traumatized by his own evil deeds

he keeps saying he didn’t have a choice, that it was kill or be killed, and i love it how his actions contrast with those of wwx, who only resorted to violence when someone else had already attacked him first (even his little wen-murder spree was done as revenge for harm already done). and i’m not saying wwx is perfectly innocent and meng yao is perfectly guilty, on the contrary! i find it fascinating how similar they are in many ways, and how both of them had the chance to end up where the other is, had they chosen an different path

no thoughts here, only beautiful resentful energy vibes

wait, a thought: where did chenqing come from? did jiang cheng toss it to wwx? had he been carrying it all these years?

speaking of carrying, lan zhan is expecting wei ying to collapse and is ready to catch him

he’s so openly worried and in love, it’s honestly a little painful to witness. hanguang-jun, your feelings are leaking all over the place

hmm, i think i’ll tack three more screencaps from the final episode onto this post, since basically the same scene continues with nie huaisang’s deception and its tragic consequences

oh xichen! it might have been easier to find peace with what he did if a-yao really had tried to kill him, but this...

...this is so much worse. the utter futility of it! and i believe a-yao is entirely sincere in his belief that he has never done xichen wrong. he really loves his er-ge. and xichen really loves him back

this is the most romantic stabbing i have ever seen

honestly, you cannot convince me this isn’t a tragic love story. xichen considers dying with a-yao. he has to be pushed back—and the way a-yao smiles at him like he’s finally got proof of that love!—and has to be nearly dragged out, and when the temple is in ruins and a-yao dead, xichen looks like he would like to be dead as well

that this whole confrontation happens in a temple dedicated to guanyin, the bodhisattva of compassion, it’s just...argh. so good. clawing at my walls here. how much of the suffering of this entire story could have been avoided if everyone (except xichen, he’s done more than enough) had shown even a little more compassion towards the others?

[songofclarity]

What's your opinion on Huaisang going :3 in his quest for world peace?

Hello, Anon, that is an excellent question! Because I am of a mixed opinion in that I want to have my cake and eat it too! The short answer is that I think Nie HuaiSang going :3 is fanon and then there is canon Nie HuaiSang but I adore them both ♡

On the one hand, I love a Nie HuaiSang who is healthy, happy, and confident enough to go :3 in his quest for world peace! He set aside his grief, got all his ducks in a row, and now he's living his best life. After all the angst and cruelty that's happened, it's refreshing to get a good cat-and-mouse game where it's the bad guy running from sharp claws reaching for his rotten tail. Nie HuaiSang is intelligent and clever enough to manage it all, too. We saw he's a little schemer in his Gusu days so have at it, Director Nie! After all, the first step to getting revenge for your late Da-ge (may he rest in peace) is to have fun with it!

On the other hand, and this is where I'm going to be real about it, that's not a Nie HuaiSang I've come across in the actual content... Donghua Nie HuaiSang (in the two seasons we have) has a depressing cloud hanging over his head, novel Nie HuaiSang is brimming with well-concealed rage, and CQL is a wonderful mix of the two. For the most part, he parodies Jin GuangYao's pitifulness with his "I don't know" x3, but even that could easily come from something real.

Just as we witness Lan XiChen crushed under the wheel of realization, Nie HuaiSang was crushed by it, too, albeit off page/screen. He's gone from worrying about his grades, being yelled at to do his saber practice, and organizing his fan collections to confronting his third-brother-by-proxy's betrayal, deceit, manipulation, 1st degree murder, child murder, incest, rape, coercion, unlawful imprisonment, and whatever else. Nie HuaiSang learned he was used by Jin GuangYao to kill Nie MingJue. That's some really heavy stuff!

Nie HuaiSang going :3 in his quest for world peace also kind of does a disservice to Nie HuaiSang's development, characterization, and actions -- at least how I've come to understand them. There is an innocent delight in going :3 that I feel Nie HuaiSang is no longer capable of when Wei WuXian returns. This leave us with him going :3 out of some darker enjoyment that I just can't see. Nie HuaiSang is all about that righteousness anger. He refers to Jin GuangYao as an immoral man. Less than being cute and mischievous about it, I think Nie HuaiSang shows more signs of wanting to tear Jin GuangYao’s throat out with his teeth lol

But Nie HuaiSang is weak physically, his cultivation is poor, and he’s not a genius. He’s clever, though, with the ability to read the room! And the writing on the wall says that accusing Jin GuangYao of his crimes is dangerous. Jin GuangYao is not above murdering innocent children, for goodness sake, and if they end up in a direct confrontation, Jin GuangYao will make Nie HuaiSang’s death look like an accident. It’s just... not a good stage for expressions of :3 and Nie HuaiSang seems to be in a higher percentile for self-preservation.

This ties in with my other probably unpopular opinion: Nie HuaiSang depended on Lan XiChen from beginning to end and never stopped thinking of Lan XiChen as his brother. It's his brother and Da-ge's brother, with Jin GuangYao delegated as "the other." Nie HuaiSang going :3 during events behind Lan XiChen's back when Lan XiChen suffered is a cruelty all its own that I don't recall seeing evidence to support  -- and I also hope doesn’t exist where I haven’t looked lol

Like I've seen the theories that suggest Nie HuaiSang blames Lan XiChen for Nie MingJue's death, but I've never really seen it talked about that Nie HuaiSang would be blaming himself. Not only was Nie HuaiSang aware that Jin GuangYao raised Nie MingJue's blood pressure, Nie HuaiSang continued to 1. accept all the gifts from Jin GuangYao despite it making Nie MingJue angry 2. delighted whenever Jin GuangYao arrived in the Unclean Realm because Nie MingJue would have someone else to yell at 3. left Nie MingJue's anger as a Jin-GuangYao-and-Lan-XiChen problem and thus left Nie MingJue entirely in their care.

(In Nie HuaiSang's defense, he did not know about the saber spirit and its effects until after 1. Nie MingJue told him shortly before Nie MingJue died and that was one of the reasons they had another big argument 2. after Nie MingJue died and either Lan XiChen, Jin GuangYao, or the Nie family in general had to tell him. Nie HuaiSang is the poster child of “Ignorance is Bliss” and then he had to tear the poster off the wall when he found out.)

Like a little child, however, Nie HuaiSang played Jin GuangYao and Nie MingJue off one another for his own gain. So all the times Jin GuangYao came to play murder music for Nie MingJue, Nie HuaiSang was happy and being :3 for all the wrong reasons.

Once the truth came out, I think that would have been a very, very hard lesson to bear. That would have been the loss of innocence and likely the loss of being :3 about things in general.

So when Nie HuaiSang is going about his revenge scheme, he's no longer a child about it. He knows now that when he starts playing Lan XiChen and Jin GuangYao off of one another that he's playing with his life and with Lan XiChen's. In the past, Nie HuaiSang would run off with his presents and let Jin GuangYao and Nie MingJue sort themselves out. In the present, Nie HuaiSang tries to be there for the conflict. In the treasure room scene, he reinforces what Lan XiChen needs to know in order to stand his ground versus Jin GuangYao -- you're doing this for our dearly departed Da-ge who is my brother and also your brother -- and then he faints before anyone can tell him to leave the room.

But his life is still in danger. He's always in danger on this hunt for world peace. Lan XiChen was Nie HuaiSang's sword and shield. CQL did a mighty disservice to Guanyin Temple, I feel, because in the novel Jin GuangYao was effectively, "Fuck you for stabbing me, Lan XiChen" and then Jin GuangYao only has eyes for Nie HuaiSang. Jin GuangYao is so furious and petty that even when he'd been poisoned, lost an arm, was “betrayed,” and was stabbed through the chest, he was still probably going to try to tear Nie HuaiSang limb from limb.

And if Lan XiChen hadn't been 100% ready and willing to stab Jin GuangYao, Nie HuaiSang would have died instead. If Lan XiChen gave Jin GuangYao even a second of leniency after that "Behind you!" then Nie HuaiSang would have died instead.

There's really no chance to be :3 about the situation when Lan XiChen is over there telling Jin GuangYao not once but twice to STOP impaling himself further on Shuoyue, because that's how much much Jin GuangYao wanted to get his hands on Nie HuaiSang in that moment. And even though Jin GuangYao is impaled, he’s still not dead! He’s getting to his feet now and he still wasn’t dead! He’s walking around now and he’s still not dead...!

There's bound to be less :3 and more choking on the heart in his throat when Nie HuaiSang's life is literally in Lan XiChen's hands in that moment. Considering how well that went for Nie MingJue, just -- yikes! The trust Nies have in Lan XiChen is unfathomable!

And then (and then!) only when it’s done, only when Jin GuangYao’s neck is snapped and the threat is gone, does Nie HuaiSang let the smoke of his anger show. Nothing cute, nothing sweet, nothing mischievous comes out. Nie HuaiSang wanted that man dead and he was likely terrified about it and he looked ridiculous maintaining his cover to do it but he took it very, very seriously.

For all the things Nie MingJue tried to teach Nie HuaiSang about using his saber, the one lesson that stuck was this:

Nie HuaiSang knew to respect the business edge of a blade.

King. We stan.

[xiyao-feels]

Part Two: Claims about NMJ and NHS

Intro - Pt 1 - Pt 2 - Pt 3 - Pt 4

NMJ

1) NMJ wished to protect NHS from cultivating with the sabre as a youth.

I don't think he tells us this in quite so many words, but it seems implied by the flashback scenes: his giving NHS the paintbrush, the bit where he takes 修刀 and gives NHS 修心, and course him literally telling NHS that whatever NHS wishes to do, he'd support it.

As far as I can tell there's no evidence of this. Now, to be fair, we don't see them as children in MDZS, but there is not as far as I can tell any sign that NMJ has ever done anything but strongly desire that NHS work on the sabre. Indeed, even at Hejian during Sunshot, the reason he overhears MY and LXC's conversation is because he is bringing NHS' sabre to LXC so that NHS will not be able to escape practicing with it. He certainly does not renew any kind of commitment to allowing NHS to do what he wills before his death. In CQL, we see rather less, but as far as I can tell there doesn't seem to be anything that contradicts MDZS on this front.

2) In his heart, NMJ carried significant doubts about the righteousness of Nie cultivation practices, including both the sabre-curse-inducing sabre cultivation and the practice of balancing the sabre spirits via corpses in the wall

This is quite central to the movie. It's arguably implicit in his desire to protect NHS from cultivating with the sabre, but beyond that, he is clearly extremely uncomfortable at NHS' moral challenge of Nie practices and believes at least partially that NHS has a point; moreover, it's implicit in his confessions to NHS in the tomb:

The Nie family's ancestors created this family foundation with great hardships. Unexpectedly, it was cursed by the sword spirit. I practiced swordsmanship hard and thought I could find a way to solve it, but I just followed the same old disastrous road of the ancestors.

And of course, his moral arc in the movie is about embracing those doubts and rejecting Nie tradition.

There is as far as I can tell no evidence of this in MDZS or CQL; in fact we don't learn anything about the Nie burial traditions in scenes where NMJ is still alive, and he never shows any doubt about the wisdom of sabre cultivation.

3) NMJ used to be "intelligent and wise"; it's due to the effects of the sabre curse that he is "moody and brutal".

We're explicitly told this by NHS at around 32:50: "Da-ge, look at you now, you have changed. When you were young, you were always wise and intelligent. Ever since you practiced swordsmanship, you've become moody and brutal." It's also backed up by the childhood flashbacks. The sharp distinction between NMJ and sabre-curse-affected-NMJ, shown by the way sabre-curse-affected NMJ is visually marked out, also helps suggest this.

Now, in MDZS and CQL, this…is complicated. Again, in MDZS, we don't see him as a child—the earliest we see him is still well past the time he began practicing sabre cultivation. And in ch 26 NHS does indeed suggest that sabre cultivation causes increasing irritability; it certainly seems plausible, indeed almost necessary, that he had less of a temper before he started practicing, and for that matter we see his anger grow worse as time goes on.

Nevertheless, we never actually see any trace of a calm-tempered NMJ in the text. Even by the beginning of Sunshot, his reputation as an angry man is firmly established. Consider the Nie men's reaction to his anger at their shit-talking MY, in the cave:

The entire cave was in a muddle. Everyone knew ChiFeng-Zun’s personality—the more one tried to explain, the angrier he was. Seeing that they probably couldn’t escape punishment and would have to tell the truth, nobody dared to speak a word.

Even his friend LXC says to MY, “MingJue-xiong has quite a fiery personality. It must have been truly difficult for you to have earned his approval.”

And NHS, who very much loves his brother even as he is also to some extent frightened of him, is never shown pining for the halcyon days of yore. Narratively speaking, sabre-affected NMJ is the only NMJ we know. I think…this is something a Nie brothers spinoff could theoretically do something interesting with, but the way it's presented in their relationship is all wrong.

In CQL, the evidence is much the same or just not shown. NMJ generally seems less angry (though even so, we see him be angry at the Nie men for mocking MY (in subjective CQL-Empathy, but still), at WWX for saying maybe let's not kill XY immediately, at JGY for having killed the Nie cultivators, etc.), and if anything his relationship with NHS seems better than it is in the novel, although this too is well after he's begun to practice sabre cultivation.

4) NMJ respects NHS' interests

When picking NHS to lead the other team in the tombs, NMJ tells us that NHS knows most about astronomy in the Nie, and NMJ clearly considers this valuable.

If NHS did actually have significant knowledge of cultivation, NMJ would probably respect that. However, this is what NMJ has to say about the interests NHS canonically has (ch 49):

Nie HuaiSang was absolutely delighted. He greeted Jin GuangYao again and again as he grabbed the fans in haste. Seeing how his younger brother reacted, Nie MingJue was so outraged that he almost found it amusing. He turned to Jin GuangYao, “Don’t send him those useless things!”

In a hurry, Nie HuaiSang dropped a few fans on the ground. Jin GuangYao picked them up for him and put them into his arms, “HuaiSang’s hobbies are quite elegant. He’s dedicated to art and calligraphy, and has no propensity for mischief. How can you say that they’re useless?”

Nie HuaiSang nodded as fast as he could, “Yes, Brother is right!”

Nie MingJue, “But sect leaders have no need for such things.”

In CQL, I believe we just don't see enough to say, although given that again, NHS' isn't actually studying cultivation, it seems likely NMJ' attitudes are much the same.

NHS

1) NHS is profoundly morally motivated

NHS is immediately and hugely upset with the practice of using corpses in the walls, explicitly on moral grounds, even though it was the practice of their ancestors, and even once he finds out that they're not (usually) Nie men, but evildoers.

Having been told by NZH that the blades need the corpses to suppress their aggressiveness: "But isn't that just sacrificing people?" "Zonghui, the Nie family have always been righteous. If we give sacrifice to it with life, we will become evil."

And then, to NMJ: "Wait. Let me ask you. Why is here called the Sword Sacrifice Hall? What is to balance sword spirit? I didn't understand before coming what exactly Sword Sacrifice Hall represents. I know it now. This is not balance but sacrificing flesh and blood!"

NZH: Second Young Master, you misunderstood it. Those corpses belong to evil men. The Nie family's ancestors had uses their bodies to balance the sword spirit. We also follow the ancestral instructions."

NHS: (to NZH) Evil men? (to NMJ) Aren't they human beings? Are you qualified for deciding their fate?

NMJ: The sword spirit is extremely dangerous. Generations of the Nie family all balanced the spirit in this way.

NHS: Even if they were wrong, you also follow their way?

In MDZS…I went over the chapters where he shows up, and I'm not actually sure we ever see him express a moral sentiment? I could be missing something, but it doesn't seem to be any kind of fundamental part of his character.

This is his reaction to WWX's first suggestion of demonic cultivation, when they're studying at CR (ch 14):

After thinking for a few moments, an expression of envy and yearning appeared on Nie HuaiSang’s face, “To be honest, Wei-xiong’s words were quite interesting. Spiritual energy can only be obtained through cultivation and taking great pains to form a golden core. It would take I-don’t-know-how-many years to do, especially for someone like me, whose talent seems as if it was gnawed by a dog when I was in my mother’s womb. But, resentful energy are from the fierce ghosts. If they can easily be taken and used, it would be beyond wonderful.”

And—granted this is several years down the line and NHS is keeping up his cover, but when NHS is explaining the sabre tomb to LWJ and WWX in chapter 26, he doesn't seem to have any problem with the practice. In fact, he tells us that he participated in choosing corpses for NMJ's sabre:

Nie HuaiSang was already shocked speechless. Wei WuXian inquired, “Who chooses the corpses that the Nie Sect uses for the Saber Hall?”

Nie HuaiSang replied with a glazed expression, “Usually, the past sect leaders chose and stored them when they were still alive. My brother passed away at an earlier age. He didn’t have enough, so I also helped him choose some… I kept whichever corpses that were complete with all limbs. I don’t know about anything other than this…”

In CQL...mmm. I rewatched all the pre-Sunshot scenes with him in it, and I do think he comes across as, at least, less amoral. We don't have the gee wouldn't demonic cultivation be nice scene, and you could definitely interpret him as being worried about the granny at Dafan, or even the temporary-puppets; he says you have to admire Songxiao's integrity and elegance as they depart; and while we don't see him be part of the initial 'maybe we shouldn't just immediately execute XY squad,' he does go da-ge after NMJ seems irritated at WWX, and after NMJ throws MY out he goes in and is like but why!!!! That said, in both cases where he challenges (and I use the term rather loosely for the da-ge after NMJ is irritated with WWX), he immediately backs down faced with NMJ's opposition. I really don't see any sign of the character who is so morally motivated and so sure of his own correctness he challenges NMJ, /in front of all their men/, and keeps up the challenge despite NMJ's consistent opposition.

2) NHS isn't really interested in JGY's gifts

At no point is he shown delighting over or interested in anything JGY gave him (except of course the flute for treating his brother), and in fact when JGY says that after the journey he will give him gifts he replies "San-ge, I am not afraid of difficult journeys. I'm not craving for toys either." On the contrary, gifts are associated with /NMJ/, who gave him a paintbrush as a child.

In MDZS, we see him explicitly delighted in and interested by JGY's gifts. In ch 49, we see him going over a dozen gold-lined fans, which turn out to be gifts from JGY; when JGY mentions he's going to play a song for NMJ, he expresses interest and mentions "the limited edition" JGY gave him "last time," and then when NMJ shouts at him to go to his room he runs instead "to the living room for the presents that Jin GuangYao had brought him;" when JGY shows up at Qinghe after the stairs incident, NHS "beamed as he got ready to go to Jin GuangYao and see what presents he brought this time." Considering how little time they have together on the page, the gifts show up a great deal.

In CQL, we mostly don't see a lot of NHS and JGY's interactions after JGY's legitimation but before NMJ's death, so it's impossible to directly say. However, he is at least shown to delight in and greatly value beautiful things (see at least the fan flashback in ep 35).

3) NHS is motivated by a desire for his brother's respect and the respect of their men.

This is the argument JGY uses which finally settles NHS on going along on the journey, around 14:30: "Both of you are pillars of the Nie family. You should work together. You can also prove yourself." See also his pleasure with himself at solving the puzzle quickly in the tombs; it's not a purely self-satisfied pleasure, but rather, "It seems I'm not useless" (27:35ish). When NZH replies, "Second Young Master, you are definitely not useless. It's just because everyone has their own will," NHS gives a firm little nod. NMJ's respect for NHS' skills and interests is also made central to their relationship.

In MDZS, NHS really doesn't seem to be motivated by people respecting him. Consider, again, what he says about WWX's idea of demonic cultivation (ch 14):

After thinking for a few moments, an expression of envy and yearning appeared on Nie HuaiSang’s face, “To be honest, Wei-xiong’s words were quite interesting. Spiritual energy can only be obtained through cultivation and taking great pains to form a golden core. It would take I-don’t-know-how-many years to do, especially for someone like me, whose talent seems as if it was gnawed by a dog when I was in my mother’s womb. But, resentful energy are from the fierce ghosts. If they can easily be taken and used, it would be beyond wonderful.”

A golden core was a core formed by cultivators after they had cultivated to a certain point. It can store and control spiritual energy. After the core was formed, the cultivator’s level of cultivation would increase at a rapid speed, and become better and better. Else, they would only be a low-end cultivator. If disciple from a prominent clan forms the core at a later age, it would be a disgrace to tell other people of it, yet Nie HuaiSang didn’t feel ashamed at all. Wei WuXian also laughed, “I know, right? No harm comes from using it.”

Even during Sunshot, he's slacking off, using the excuse of having forgotten his sabre. (ch 48)

And then in ch. 49, after NMJ burns his things:

Nie HuaiSang roared at Nie MingJue, “Saber, saber, saber! Who the fuck wants to practice the damn thing?! So what if I want to be a good-for-nothing?! Whoever that wants to can be the sect leader! I can’t learn it means I can’t learn it and I don’t like it means I don’t like it! What’s the use of forcing me?!”

I'm not necessarily saying he wouldn't enjoy it if NMJ respected him, and certainly it seems a fair read that he would like it if NMJ yelled at him less. But by and large, he just doesn't show any objection to being thought of as useless, even before his Headshaker cover—and there's a reason that cover worked, after all.

In CQL...well, again, he doesn't really show any sign of objecting to being thought useless, as far as I can tell.

4) NHS knows about the sabre curse

JGY explicitly says so at about 13:05: "You know his sickness. He didn't do it on purpose." Moreover, if NHS didn't know, the offer of flute-playing wouldn't really make sense.

In MDZS, NMJ explicitly hasn't told NHS at least as of JGY's visit after the stairs, and there's no indication he told him between then and when he qi-deviated. Indeed, it's JGY who thinks NHS should be told, while NMJ rejects this (ch 50):

Jin GuangYao, “Brother, these days you’ve been stricter and stricter towards HuaiSang. Is it the saber spirit…?”

After a pause, he continued, “Does HuaiSang still not know about the saber spirit?”

Nie MingJue, “Why would I tell him so soon?”

In CQL, we're not told either way; this being the case I tend towards defaulting to MDZS unless I have a specific reason to think otherwise.

5) NHS, though bad at fighting, is skilled in cultivation theory

Again, JGY says so, at around 13:19: "You are good at Daoist magic" (and NHS seems to accept it). Moreover this is continually backed up by the film, with NHS making good use of it in the tomb, and then of course in the last scene having put together the true effect of the corrupted passage.

There is no indication of this in MDZS. He's interested in art and beautiful things, but he struggles with the Lan lectures. When JGY defends NHS' interests, he mentions art and calligraphy, and says his hobbies are elegant; he makes no mention of any kind of cultivation theory. As WWX himself notes, thinking back (ch 21):

In the past, Wei WuXian and Nie HuaiSang studied together, so there were a few things he could comment about this person. Nie HuaiSang wasn’t an unkind person. It wasn’t that he was not clever, but that his heart was set somewhere else and used his smarts on other areas, such as painting on fans, searching for birds, skipping classes, and catching fish. Because his talent in terms of cultivation really was poor, he formed his core around eight or nine years later than the other disciples of the same generation as him. When he lived, Nie MingJue was often exasperated by the fact that his brother didn’t meet his expectations, so he disciplined him strictly. Despite this, he still didn’t improve much.

I'm not saying he couldn't have developed in this direction after NMJ's death, but there doesn't seem to be any indication he was skilled in that way beforehand. Again, there's a reason his cover as "totally useless person" works as a cover.

In CQL, again, we don't really see any evidence of his skill with cultivation. NHS is shown flipping through his book for the answer to the executioner question LQR asks WWX; he doesn't show any evidence of significant cultivation knowledge on the road trip section (although he is shown to have a good memory for things he's actually interested in, and you could argue he has good instincts!); his wish at the lantern festival is that he passes his studies at the Lan. I just don't see it.

Previous | Next

[ibijau]

Futures Past pt13 / on AO3

Nie Huaisang is visited again by his future self, which goes even less pleasantly than before

Nie Huaisang did not enjoy in the least being dragged out of bed in the middle of the night, a hand firmly pressed over his mouth to keep him quiet and avoid waking the other Nie disciples.

His future self really needed to find a better way to visit him. They had to decide on a schedule of some sort, Nie Huaisang ranted when they were outside, hidden away near the cabin he currently inhabited. Or a signal. Or something other than the absolute terror of a stranger taking him out of his bed in the dark.

“Couldn’t you at least have told me when you were planning on coming back?” Nie Huaisang complained, to which his future self shrugged.

“I was supposed to, but I forgot,” the older man muttered from being his fan. “Not that I would have kept to the schedule anyway. I had to know how your time in Yunping City went, so I… pushed hard to come here as early as I could. I probably won’t be able to return again until late fall, or even the bew year.”

He did look tired, and had a slight trembling in his hands, Nie Huaisang noted. Though that could just have been excitement rather than a sign something was wrong with him.

“It went well in Yunping City, I think,” Nie Huaisang announced. “I don’t think that Meng Yao will be going to Lanling Jin now, not if he has even a little bit of brain, and…”

“He’s more stupid than you’d expect,” his older self snapped. “I take it he’s still alive then?”

Nie Huaisang hunched his shoulders and looked down at his feet. 

“It’s not like I could actually have killed him! And anyway, he’s nice. Well, I thought he was nice…” The older Nie Huaisang scoffed. “And Lan gongzi thought it too…” Another scoff, and when Nie Huaisang risked a glance, he was met with an expression of disgust. “And Jiang gongzi too had a good opinion of him!”

“You saw Jiang Cheng?” his older self asked, lowering his fan while something shifted in his voice. “How was he? Was Wei Wuxian there too?”

He sounded almost eager to get news, as if he cared about these people.

He sounded almost human.

“I don’t think that other one was there,” Nie Huaisang said, trying to remember. He'd been so nervous about that Meng Yao business, he hadn't paid attention to anything else. “And Jiang gongzi mostly seemed interested in chatting with Lan gongzi. They were getting along just fine. I think they’re writing to each other now? I think Lan gongzi mentioned that the other day.”

Whatever softness had briefly taken over his older self melted in a second, replaced by something dark.

“That’s new,” he said, closing his fan with a flourish before tapping it against his hand. “I knew they would have met briefly in Yunping City, but to my knowledge they didn’t speak at all. We’ll have to be careful. I don’t like the idea of Jiang Cheng siding with that idiot." He sighed. “We’ll see what comes of it in the future. For now, tell me what you’ve done with Meng Yao, since you’re apparently too much of a coward to properly get rid of the man who killed da-ge.”

Nie Huaisang felt breathless at that casual mention of Meng Yao’s true role in his brother’s future death. His older self had said that Meng Yao was involved, that he needed to be dealt with, but Nie Huaisang hadn’t thought…

How could someone like Meng Yao ever kill his brother? Even if he worked day and night, even if he tried as hard as he could, Meng Yao would take years and years to catch up to even a normal cultivator’s level. He would never compare to Nie Mingjue who everyone agreed was a cultivation genius, a force of nature. In a direct confrontation, Meng Yao could never win.

It would have been something more insidious then, Nie Huaisang thought. Poison, or backstabbing, or some other under-handed thing. And since Lan Xichen had appeared so instantly fond of that Meng Yao, since his future self hated him too, maybe he’d accidentally given him the means of coming close to Nie Mingjue. That would certainly explain why that older Nie Huaisang despised both men so intensely.

A little shaken by that theory, Nie Huaisang started recounting what had happened in Yunping City. Or at least, he explained most of it. He was so embarrassed about failing to find the right brothel that he didn’t speak about that, meaning he also didn’t say anything about meeting Lan Xichen in the red district, and that complete breakdown the poor boy had.  And while he proudly explained that Meng Yao was now part of Yunmeng Jiang where he appeared to be doing very well according to letters Lan Xichen had received, Nie Huaisang didn’t mention that to obtain that result he’d insulted a sect leader and gotten harshly punished for it. He didn’t think his older self would show much sympathy for his suffering.

Really, talking to that man was like talking to Nie Mingjue when he asked about his brother’s cultivation progress. Except at least Nie Mingjue was only like that some of the time, when the elders had pestered him about Nie Huaisang’s lack of talent for anything one time too many. His older self felt as if he was this way all the time.

“I suppose Yunmeng will have to do,” the older Nie Huaisang sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “The Jiangs certainly aren’t going to give him a recommendation to join Lanling Jin. Anything is better than Lanling or Qinghe at this point.”

Nie Huaisang pinched his lips, quite glad he hadn’t mentioned his initial plan of bringing Meng Yao to Qinghe. It had been a stupid plan, he now realised. But he hadn’t known that Meng Yao would be his brother’s actual murderer, and his future self hadn’t said anything, and…

“Now that Meng Yao is dealt with, let’s talk about what you have to do next,” the older Nie Huaisang said.

“About… about S-Su She?” Nie Huaisang quickly asked, trying to sound as indifferent as he could.

His older self opened his fan with an elegant gesture that Nie Huaisang was starting to hate, and shook his head with a cruel smirk.

“No. I’ve given this some thought,” the older man explained, fanning himself slowly. “I’ve reached the conclusion that I don’t care much whether Jin Zixun and him kill each other. Good riddance, neither of them are worth even the dirt used to bury them. These two are just…”

“He’s my friend,” Nie Huaisang squeaked. By which he meant Su She of course, but also…

Jin Zixun and him had exchanged a few glances here and there during particularly boring lessons, and they’d chatted a little when they’d been punished again together, this time over a failed assignment. Jin Zixun wasn’t a friend, but he might have become an acquaintance, and that was probably more than anyone could say about Jin Zixun.

His older self closed his fan with a sharp gesture and glared at him.

“He’s not.”

“But he is!” Nie Huaisang insisted. “I met Su-xiong a while ago, and he’s real nice, and we get along fine, and he even…”

“A man like Su She doesn’t have friends. He’s only using you to get something. What did he make you promise? Support? Help? Money?”

“He’s not like that!” Nie Huaisang cried out, letting his voice rise higher than was truly wise at such an hour of the night.

But he couldn’t let Su She be insulted that way. Maybe it was different where his future self came from, maybe Su She and him hadn’t met over there, but they had met here, and they were true friends.

Su She had amply apologised about not coming to see Nie Huaisang that whole week he’d been punished for his fight with Jin Zixun. He had cited his own punishment, as well as Lan Xichen enrolling him in his book-copying scheme. Both were valid reasons, but Su She still appeared very sorry that he’d let Nie Huaisang deal with that on his own, and shared some candies with him as a way of apology.

Su She was the best friend Nie Huaisang had ever had in his life, and he refused to hear anyone insult him, even himself.

“Su She is no friend of yours,” his older self claimed. “Stop whatever acquaintance you have with him right away. Da-ge wouldn’t approve, anyway.”

“Why not?”

“Because you’re at the point of my life where I’m a little idiot who cannot do anything right. If you’re making a decision, it’s always going to be the wrong one, and it will anger Da-ge. So drop Su She immediately.”

"Da-ge isn't like that," Nie Huaisang grumbled. 

"I've known him longer than you," his future self retorted. "I know what he thinks of me." 

Which might have been true, but it still felt wrong. Nie Huaisang and his brother had their disagreements, of course. Many of them, in fact. They argued over just about anything, but rarely seriously, or about anything really important, and they always made up quickly. Sure, some people misunderstood their relationship and thought they didn't get along. Some had even tried to take advantage of that perceived rift between them, but both brothers knew where they stood. 

Nie Huaisang knew his brother would like Su She when he met him. In fact, Nie Mingjue had already promised he could invite his new friend to come to the Unclean Realm, provided he passed his exams.

Maybe it had been too long since his future self had last seen Nie Mingjue, if he could only remember their few disputes and none of the affection. 

"The only person you're supposed to pay attention this year to is Lan Xichen," his older self reminded him. "So how are things going on that front? I swear if there's still no progress…" 

"No, there is!" Nie Huaisang said, raising his hands in a defensive gesture. "A lot of progress! We spend at least a shichen together every week lately, sometimes more!" 

"That's a very precise amount," his older self noted. "How do you know it is that much?" 

"Well, see, he gives me music lessons. He says I'm quite good at it actually," Nie Huaisang added with pride.

That pride was met with a dark, angry look. Or perhaps not angry as such, Nie Huaisang thought after a moment. Maybe envious instead. Considering the opinion his future self had of Lan Xichen, it was impossible he'd ever been given those lessons, or surely he wouldn't have hated Lan Xichen so much. And since they were the same person, or at least had been the same person before his future self grew up into an asshole, then they had to have the same tastes, the same aspirations.

"What instrument ?" 

"The guqin, of course. You know, I always figured it'd be really hard, but I'm liking it a lot, and it's really fun to practice a little every day, and Lan Xichen is a really nice teacher, and he's actually fun, and…" 

"He's not," his future self cut him. "And while I'm glad you're finally remembering the part you have to play in our plan, I don't want you to get distracted. Music isn't your goal. Neither is it to actually befriend Lan Xichen. You only need to make him think you're his friend, getting attached as well would be a mistake."

"But…" 

"In fact," his older self continued, slowly fanning himself, "it would be best if you gave up already on the idea of having friends. It's not for the likes of us. If you were a little more charismatic and likeable perhaps… but in the end, none of the 'friends' I made at your age were there for me when I needed them. I had to trick them into helping when the time came to avenge da-ge, or they would have let his murderers live free."

"Well maybe if you weren't such a prick they'd still be yours friends," Nie Huaisang muttered, which earned him a slap. 

It didn't immediately register that he'd been hit. He just stood there, staring at his older self, vaguely aware of a noise too loud in the quiet night of the Cloud Recesses, and a rising sensation of heat on his cheek. 

"I can't believe nobody has ever done that, with how annoying I am," his future self remarked, shaking his hand as if the blow had hurt him too. "Now listen to me. You are not likeable. You are not charismatic. You're not even particularly clever most of the time. Why would anyone want to be friends with you? At best they're tolerating you because it's impossible to just reject the heir of a great sect, but make no mistake, your only quality is Nie Mingjue. In terms of popularity, you rank about as high as someone like Jin Zixun. Do you understand what it means?"

Nie Huaisang failed to contain a few tears as he brought one hand to his smarting cheek. It felt hot to the touch, and he'd have to expend some spiritual energy into it, or else there might be a mark in the morning that would be difficult to explain. 

As for his older self's question, Nie Huaisang shook his head the way he felt might be expected of him.

"It means you have to treat people the way they treat you," his older self said. "Keep your heart closed, and use them for what they're worth. Especially Lan Xichen. Get him to trust you, but don't make the mistake of trusting him back. He is a rather poor friend to those who make that mistake."

Gritting his teeth, Nie Huaisang obediently nodded, fearful of being hit again. 

But it didn't sound right. He refused to believe that people were as bad as his future self said. Surely Su She at least was better than that. Nie Huaisang could doubt anyone in the world, but not Su She, so he was absolutely not going to dump his friend just because some old creep with trust issues told him to. Not even if the old creep was himself.

As for Lan Xichen… not so long ago, Nie Huaisang might have accepted that unkind assessment of his brother’s friend. But now that they hung out together more frequently, he thought Lan Xichen wasn’t so bad. Their music lessons really were nice. Lan Xichen was patient and encouraging, something few teachers in Nie Huaisang’s life had ever been. He didn’t mind when Nie Huaisang got too tired to focus, or when he struggled with something that should have been easy. He also didn’t take Nie Huaisang’s moments of easy success as proof that he was faking whenever he struggled, and for this alone Lan Xichen had Nie Huaisang’s gratitude.

Not only that, but Lan Xichen had proven that he wasn’t as stiff and boring as Nie Huaisang used to think. He’d listened about the problems that Su She had, hadn’t he? And not just listened, but he’d done something about it, and he was still doing something about it, and not only for Su She’s sake either. 

Su She had told Nie Huaisang that any inner clan disciple who bothered an outer disciple was in serious trouble these days if Lan Xichen heard about it… or worse still, if Lan Wangji got involved. He was a stickler for rules that one. Once his brother had casually mentioned to him that some people were breaking Lan principles behind the teachers’ back, Lan Wangji hunted them down and made sure those people regretted it.

All because Nie Huaisang had told Lan Xichen that he didn’t like how people treated his friend.

How could Nie Huaisang not have started liking him a little after that?

“Speaking of making friends,” his future self said, “you remember you need to fail your classes this year, right? We have big plans for next year.”

Nie Huaisang nodded again, with more sincerity this time. Failing his exams would not be difficult. At all. In fact, he was quite good at failing. Lan Qiren could have testified that when it came to failing, he’d never had a student as great as Nie Huaisang.

“Good, excellent. Now, I don’t have much time left here today but… I have a task for you when the classes end.”

“Another thing?” Nie Huaisang lamented. “That wasn’t the deal!”

“It is for da-ge’s good,” his future self snapped, and once again Nie Huaisang wondered if he really loved his brother enough to bother with all this.

He did love Nie Mingjue, no doubt. But he still wondered.

“In fact, it’s for the good of the whole cultivation world,” his future self continued. “This might be the most selfless thing you’re ever going to do, so don’t mess it up. When the classes end, you’re not going home. You’re going to the city of Kuizhou…”

“Really? Oh, that’d be neat. I’ve always wanted to see…”

“You’re not going there to sightsee and think about poetry,” his older self cut him. “You’re going there to find a young criminal by the name of Xue Yang and ensure he never gets to create trouble for the cultivation world. You’ve disappointed me with Meng Yao, but I think you should manage to do the right thing with Xue Yang. He’s only ten or eleven, and you have a sabre, surely it can’t be too hard to dispose of him.”

“You don’t mean…”

The older man closed his fan, his face devoid of emotion. “I would think my meaning is clear enough, but I’m not letting you mess this up as you’ve done with Meng Yao. Xue Yang must die. He grows into too much of a menace as an adult. Even if we're going to make sure his particular skills never become needed by any sect, letting him live is just too risky. He’s devious enough to come up with demonic cultivation all on his own if given the chance to grow up, and he certainly doesn’t have any ideals of justice to help him keep it under control. Kill him before he harms anyone.”

"I'm not a killer!" Nie Huaisang shouted, too loud, far too loud, but he didn’t care, horrified by the very idea of what he his future self was demanding. He felt sorry when fighting fierce corpses and tended to cry at exorcisms, how could he ever… and to a living person, to a child.

And yet his future self rolled his eyes as if his horror were but another minor annoyance to deal with, and started fanning himself again.

"You'll learn fast. Just find a cat, snap its neck, and you'll see how easy it is. After two or three you stop feeling sorry for them, and people aren't so different from cats."

“I don’t think da-ge would want that,” Nie Huaisang protested in a trembling voice. “I don’t think he’d like that at all. It’s just… it’s a kid! Good people don’t kill kids! Even a lot of bad people don’t kill kids!”

“Be quiet, or we’ll be found by whichever Lan disciple is patrolling tonight!”

Good, Nie Huaisang thought. If they were found he’d be punished, sure, but more importantly he’d be forced to tell someone about everything his older self had told him, from the war that was coming, to Nie Mingjue’s death, to killing children. But of course Nie Huaisang couldn’t be so lucky, and no one appeared to have heard him.

“You’re really too naive,” his older self said. “Everyone kills children, they just don’t speak about it and pretend they’re righteous. Even da-ge is no better. I only realised that after the war with the Wens, but it’ll be good for you to grow out of your illusions earlier than that. Besides, you don’t have to tell da-ge that you’ve killed that boy. Keeping secrets is your only real skill, use it.”

“Da-ge isn’t like that,” Nie Huaisang hissed, and felt he’d started crying again.

His brother wasn’t a murderer. He was a good person, he wouldn’t harm anyone who didn’t deserve it… but he might make an exception when it came to the Wens, who nobody in Qinghe Nie really counted as people anymore. 

They were just a disease upon the cultivation world, pests that needed to be eliminated. Nie Huaisang, who had always agreed to that, had never really paused before to think that Qishan Wen also counted a number of children, of elders, of servants, of people who really had nothing to do with his father’s death and maybe didn’t even realise there had ever been such a person in the world.

“Da-ge is only human,” his older self said. “And all humans are ready to kill to get what they want. Da-ge wanted to avenge our father. You want to protect da-ge. It’s not so different. If it helps, Xue Yang really deserves to die, so don’t bother feeling sorry for him. He would kill you for candies, given half a chance.”

“I’m not like that,” Nie Huaisang sobbed.

“Not yet perhaps,” his older self conceded in a softer voice. “But you’ll get there anyway. The world is cruel. We must be worse than it is, if we are to survive, if da-ge is to survive.”

The man raised a hand toward Nie Huaisang's head, wanting perhaps to comfort him by ruffling his hair. It was what Nie Mingjue would have done. But Nie Huaisang flinched, fearing to be struck again, and his older self's hand dropped at his side.

“So remember well,” his older self ordered, his tone dry once more. “An orphan boy named Xue Yang, who lives in Kuizhou. He’s a petty criminal for now, he hasn’t yet switched from theft to violent crimes I think, but it’ll come soon. He would be tall for his age I believe. He has a missing little finger on his left hand, and when he smiles his canines are very prominent. He is a monster, and he cannot be allowed to live. Do you understand?”

Through heavy tears Nie Huaisang nodded. That seemed to satisfy his older self who vanished. 

Nie Huaisang understood indeed, but he didn’t agree and was certain he never would.

[nottheheadshaker]

I asked @coffeefordage for some nielan prompts and got several good ones. Here's a modern AU drunk (but not clingy, sorry) Lan Xichen meeting Nie Mingjue for the first time, with background wangxian. Is this a meet-cute? A meet-drunk? idk. Enjoy.

This is my first Untamed fic. Only time will tell if this is a good idea. (Also on AO3)

Nie Mingjue took a sip of his drink, wincing as his eardrums were assaulted by noise that some people (Huaisang) considered to be music. He didn’t want to be here, and he was pretty sure Huaisang didn’t really want him to be here either, despite all of his wide-eyed pleas for Mingjue to accompany him. How else could Mingjue explain his little brother’s disappearance as soon as they walked through the door of the club? If this was how Huaisang wanted to spend time with him, Mingjue could be doing it from home. His ears would certainly be happier for it.

He lifted his glass again, preparing to down the rest of his drink so he could leave.

“Hi,” a cheerful and somewhat breathless voice said from behind him.

Mingjue turned, a polite greeting-slash-brush off on his lips, only to have the breath knocked right out of him at the sight of the most beautiful man he had ever seen. He was smiling at Mingjue as if Mingjue was the source of all of the world’s joy. The stranger was tall and elegant, a delicate pink flush spreading along his perfect cheekbones. He was wearing a pale blue and white outfit that looked like it came out of one of Hauisang’s magazines. Not exactly a clubbing outfit, based on Huaisang’s strong - and often-shared - opinions about fashion. The man was stunning in it (and out of it, I bet, Mingjue’s brain whispered), so Huaisang would probably forgive the transgression.

“Oh,” the beautiful stranger said, “you’re even more handsome up close! Wait here, please.”

Before Mingjue could remember how to form words, the man disappeared back into the crowd. Mingjue looked down at his drink. He still had just about half of it left, so he probably wasn’t experiencing an alcohol-induced delusion. Mingjue was still puzzling over the encounter when the man returned.

“Hi,” he said again, his smile just as bright. He was looking expectantly at Mingjue.

Mingjue blinked. “Hi,” he managed to say. His throat felt incredibly dry. He took a large gulp of his drink.The burn of the alcohol did nothing to help his composure.

"What's your name? It wouldn't be polite for me to call you Handsome Stranger." The man's smile was so blinding, it took Mingjue a minute to understand what he'd just said.

He couldn’t let this opportunity pass. He gave the man a once-over to buy himself a little more recovery time - a mistake that only made it harder to think - then said gruffly, “I’m Nie Mingue.”

“My name is Lan Xichen, but you can call me yours.”

Mingjue downed the rest of his drink. What the fuck? The most beautiful man in the world was using a pick-up line? On him? How was he supposed to respond to that? Say something, he told himself, even if it’s stupid. “I’ll be sure to remember that.”

Impossibly, Lan Xichen’s smile got bigger. He looked over Mingjue’s shoulder and raised his hand in a thumbs-up gesture. Mingjue followed his gaze and found a pair of men watching them from a nearby table. One of them was beaming at them, returning Lan Xichen’s thumbs-up enthusiastically. The other man looked almost exactly like Lan Xichen, minus the bright smile. Was he glaring at Mingjue, or was that just his face?

“My brother and his boyfriend,” Lan Xichen said, drawing Mingjue’s attention back to him. “A-Xian has so many pick-up lines, so he gave me one for you!”

He was barely keeping up with what was happening, but he tried for an intelligent response. “That was nice of him.”

“Yes,” Lan Xichen nodded happily. “He was sad he doesn't get to use them anymore. He said I should get to have some fun with them, at least.”

A quick glance back at the other men showed one of them - the one he assumed was Lan Xichen’s brother - pulling the other up out of his seat. They wrapped their arms around each other and started swaying to music only they could hear. They certainly weren’t dancing to the music that was actually playing. Huaisang was standing nearby. He quickly fled when he noticed Mingjue looking at him. Mingjue’s eyes narrowed. What was Huaisang up to?

“Oh, Huaisang left again,” Lan Xichen said, sounding disappointed. “I have to thank him. He asked me to get him another drink, and that meant I could get a better look at you.” His eyes widened. “I forgot Huaisang’s drink!”

“I don’t think Huaisang will mind. I’m sure he’s had more than enough,” Mingjue said quickly. He had an idea what Huaisang was up to now, but he couldn’t bring himself to care this time. “How do you know him?”

“He’s A-Xian’s friend.” Lan Xichen’s brow furrowed in thought. “Or possibly a friend of a friend? I just met him last week, in this very club. It’s nice here! A bit loud though. So many people.” Lan Xichen looked around, taking in the dancing bodies that surrounded them. “Do you know Huaisang? Is he your boyfriend?” Lan Xichen’s smile dimmed, fading into a politely fake copy. Mingjue didn’t like it.

“He’s my brother.” He thought Lan Xichen might be a little drunk.

“That’s wonderful!” His true smile returning, Lan Xichen sat down on the stool next to him and leaned toward him. “Do you have a boyfriend? A girlfriend?”

“Neither.” Although if Lan Xichen was still interesting - and interested - when he was sober, Mingjue was willing to change that.

Lan Xichen pulled his phone out of his pocket. “We should exchange numbers!” He poked and swiped at the screen a few times before finally exclaiming, “Got it! Here.” He thrust the phone at Mingjue.

This probably wasn’t how things like this were supposed to go - who handed their phone to a complete stranger? - but Mingjue was done questioning anything Lan Xichen said or did tonight. He sent a text to himself and then saved his number in Lan Xichen’s contact list as ‘Nie Mingjue - Single’.

As soon as Lan Xichen took his phone back, he took a picture of himself with the same bright smile that had short-circuited Mingjue’s brain earlier. “So you don’t forget who I am,” Lan Xichen said as he tapped away on his phone. Mingjue’s own phone buzzed with a notification.

“No danger of that,” he said, but he was quick to take out his phone and save Lan Xichen’s number in his contacts.

“Now you send one to me!”

Mingjue did not like having his picture taken and he really did not like taking selfies, but he didn’t hesitate to do as Lan Xichen asked. He tried to remember everything Huaisang always insisted on explaining about taking selfies, getting a good angle and adequate lighting. He even managed a natural-looking smile.

Lan Xichen gasped softly at him, then again after he received the picture of Mingjue. “So handsome! I love your dimples!” He gazed at the picture a little longer, then tucked his phone away and hopped off the barstool. “We should dance!”

Before Mingjue could decide if his dislike of club dancing was strong enough to withstand Lan Xichen’s radiance - he was beginning to suspect he could deny this man nothing - they were interrupted.

“Xichen-ge.” It was the brother’s boyfriend, the one with the unused pick-up lines. “Lan Zhan needs to go home."

“Time to sleep.” The brother - Lan Zhan, apparently - did look sleepy, his eyes almost half-closed. He tugged at his boyfriend’s arm and tried to pull him away, swaying a bit as he did.

“Didi!” Lan Xichen swept his brother up into an enthusiastic hug.

Lan Zhan submitted to the embrace, laying his head on Lan Xichen’s shoulder and closing his eyes. “Wei Ying too,” he said.

“A-Xian!” Lan Xichen pulled his brother’s boyfriend into the hug. The boyfriend went along with it, shrugging when he caught Mingjue’s eye. He wrapped his arms around both brothers.

“Time for all good Lans to go home and go to bed,” the boyfriend - Wei Ying? A-Xian? - said.

“Do we have to go?” Was Lan Xichen… pouting?

“What about your uncle? He’ll blame me for corrupting your morals!” Wei Ying pouted right back at Lan Xichen. Nie Mingjue had to look away before he started laughing at their antics.

“No.” Lan Zhan jerked upright from his doze on Lan Xichen’s shoulder and grabbed Wei Ying’s hand. “I will protect you.”

“Very well,” Lan Xichen said, a hint of a pout still on his face. “We’ll go now. We won’t give shufu any more reason to be mad at you.” He turned the two young men around and began herding them away. Mingjue tried not to let Lan Xichen’s abrupt departure bother him. Not even a goodbye?

“The door is this way, Xichen-ge,” Wei Ying said, steering the unsteady trio in the right direction.

As they drifted past him once more, Lan Xichen noticed him and pulled them all to a halt. “Nie Mingjue!” he cried, as if seeing him again after a long period of time. That damn smile was back. “I’m sorry, I have to go. Maybe we can dance next time?” Mingjue nodded dumbly. “I’ll text you! Or you can text me! Okay?”

Mingjue nodded again. The whole evening had taken on a surreal feel and he was starting to doubt the whole thing had happened, even as it was still happening.

“I’ll remind him,” Wei Ying said, giving them a wide smile. Lan Zhan glared and stalked away, pulling Wei Ying along with him. “Bye!” Wei Ying called over his shoulder.

“Goodbye, Nie Mingjue! It was nice to meet you!” Lan Xichen reached out and touched his hand briefly, then hurried away after his two companions.

Mingjue flexed his hand. The spot where Lan Xichen had touched him tingled like they were in some sappy romance. Hauisang could never learn of this.

As if summoned by the thought, Huaisang appeared at his side.

“Wei Wuxian was right, those Lans cannot hold their liquor. I think they had less than half a glass of beer between the two of them.” Hauisang tapped his chin with his fan.

“Wei Wuxian?”

“My new bestie. He was just here - the one wearing black.” Huaisang smiled brightly. “He’s fun.”

Wei Ying - Wei Wuxian, that explained why Lan Xichen called him A-Xian - had been wearing black, while Lan Zhan wore clothing similar to his brother. “I see. We weren’t properly introduced.”

“Wei Wuxian isn’t a proper introduction sort of person, he won’t care. Now Lan Xichen.” Huaisang went back to tapping his chin. “Lan Xichen is definitely a proper introduction sort of person, wouldn’t you say?”

“Yes.” His brother was definitely up to something. “He did properly introduce himself, which is why I even know who you are talking about right now.”

“He really is a delicious looking man, isn’t he? And he’s so nice. Definitely boyfriend material.”

Mingjue didn’t answer. Was Huaisang interested in Lan Xichen? Lan Xichen had just been hitting on Mingjue. He should tell Huaisang, let him down gently before he got invested, but that still very firmly put Lan Xichen out of Mingjue’s reach. Bro code or whatever, there was no way Mingjue would hurt Huaisang like that. Maybe in a few years, after Huaisang had moved on? Who was he kidding, there was no way someone like Lan Xichen would stay single that long.

Huaisang smacked him on the arm with his fan. “Silly da-ge, for you, not me! He’s not my type.”

Since Huaisang said that about every person ever, Mingjue wasn’t sure what his brother’s type was. Did he even have a type? Would he tell Mingjue if he did? He wished Huaisang didn’t feel like he had to protect Mingjue from whatever it was he thought he was protecting him from. Who was the big brother around here?

...wait.

“For me?”

“Why do you think I sent him over here?”

Mingjue did not know how to feel about that. Grateful for the roundabout introduction? Irritated at the meddling? Overwhelming love for his sneaky little brother? “I can manage my own affairs,” he finally grumbled.

“Of course you can,” Huaisang said with a soothing pat on his shoulder. “Buy me a drink, da-ge. Lan Xichen never brought the one I asked for.”

“You’ve had enough.”

“But da-geeeee-”

Mingjue ignored his brother’s whining - he had a lot of practice at it. Even Huaisang draping himself over his back and complaining directly in his ear could not change his mind. If Huaisang really wanted a drink, he could get his own.

His phone chimed a text notification at him. Lan Xichen was already texting him.

Our Lyft driver has such a nice car!!!

The text was accompanied by a slightly out of focus picture of a smiling Lan Xichen sitting in the back seat of a vehicle, with the top of his brother's head just visible on his shoulder. Very little of the car was showing.

Mingjue didn't bother to respond, but he couldn't help the fond smile that crossed his face. If this was Lan Xichen drunk, he couldn't wait to see what he was like sober. He was about to put his phone away when Huaisang grabbed it out of his hand.

"What's this?" Huaisang opened up the text app and stared at his most recent text. "You set his contact name as 'Yours'? Da-ge!"

Mingjue took his phone back and put it in his pocket. "What? He said I could."

[zhansww]

I decided to switch to an ask, hope that's okay. So one big reason why I commented in the first place because I thought of you as some crazy shipper, but after talking to you for a while I saw it's not really true. That was purely me being wrong and I apologise. I just went through your whole pinned post and a lot of it was stuff that I already expected and I still don't think I can change you mind but really, a lot of that stuff is things that friends could do. 1/?

Getting dinner together, giving somebody a necklace etc. friends can do that too. Some might even see it as an elaborate marketing strategy. You see it as romantic, because you want to. And most of the stuff, like posting something at a certain date or time of the day or changing song lyrics is just pure speculation. They might be coincidence. Some things might not even have anything to do with them together but something completely else. 2/? You say that you try to not see hints where there are none, but stuff like that, analyzing dates and looking for clues in what exact time of the day a certain thing was posted in sm is just that.You see those things as romance because you want to see them as such, not because they objectively are. That's exactly it, seeing things where there are none. 3/3

I said this more than once already but I am open to having my mind changed. If I didn't, I wouldn't ask for discussions in my pinned post. To have a proper discussion, though, both parties should 1) have the same amount of knowledge on the subject, 2) leave their emotions out of it and 3) be open to the possibility of being wrong. So again; I am open to having a rational discussion about this. If you aren’t, please let me know.

Getting dinner together, giving somebody a necklace etc. friends can do that too.

Of course they can. But do friends feel the need to be secretive about it? When it comes to their dates in June 2018 and December 2019, they spent the night together. Not to mention, they went out of their way to spend 520 - Lunar Valentine's Day - together. Would friends do that? Right after the date in Dec 2019, Yibo wore a pink hoodie to the airport, which as far as we know was the first time he wore pink of his own volition. In his interview with Cosmo two months later, he got asked "what's the first thing that comes to your mind when hearing the word romance?" and his reply was "pink pink". Cp fans think this means that gg was the one who gave him that hoodie since dd himself doesn't like pink. But even if he didn't receive it from gg, Yibo must have been in a romantic mood to be wearing pink - and that, after being with XZ, his “friend”. Regarding the necklace, if it was given by a friend, then why does Yibo constantly wear it yet hide it? To compare, he wears the necklace and ring Han-ge gave him at any event/recording and he wears those openly, too, the way you're supposed to wear jewelry, right? He wears the ox head necklace at events and also in private, in selfies, in between schedules, during rehearsals etc and he started hiding it, i.e. wearing it under his shirts, after fans started fighting about it. Surely, you know that Yibo is an honest/straightforward/blunt person. If we cp fans were wrong with our theory, he would definitely call us out and simultaneously please his solo fans by telling them they're right, thus putting an end to drama among his fans - but he hasn't. The only thing that explains this is assuming he received it from a romantic partner cuz being involved is something that Yibo’s company would not allow him to go public with so instead, he has to hide the necklace as well as his relationship. Likewise, he surely wouldn’t be wearing the necklace all the time if the one who gave it to him wasn’t even closer to his heart than Han-ge is.

Some might even see it as an elaborate marketing strategy.

Marketing what exactly? CQL is over and done with and they don't have other projects together. Not to mention that their connection has brought more harm to their reputations than good and they have way more solo fans than cp fans. Thinking ggdd would go through so much or any trouble just to give credibility to a lie implies that they do it for clout (which neither of them needs or wants) or that they think that queer relationships is something to make fun of or else, that they have no integrity. What exactly is it about them that makes you think they would be such people? They both starred in a BL. Yibo even insisted on trying for that role although he got rejected twice. XZ has shown his support of the lgbt community before. Given Yibo’s entire attitude and e.g. his song lyrics in WuGan, he doesn’t care about fame/clout. He does what he’s passionate about because he’s passionate about it and for money, according to himself. And I don’t think I even need to point out why XZ has clearly no need for more attention. (In fact, his studio asked fans in a recent statement to stop their fan support and voting etc - as a result, his supertopic dropped several spots from the #1, after having been there for months).

And most of the stuff, like posting something at a certain date or time of the day or changing song lyrics is just pure speculation. They might be coincidence.

So what is the limit? How many coincidences do there need to be exactly for them to stop being coincidences? How can posting something at precisely minute 3 or minute 8 always be a coincidence? Especially when XZ wrote in an older weibo post that he uses kadian. He posted at 13:28 in two of his latest updates. On TTXS, Yibo got asked what romantic things he’d do for his partner and he literally said he’d remember certain dates and times and do something surprising. In a more recent weibo, Yibo made a post in support of Han-ge at precisely 21:00 - the kadian of which means "ai ni", love you. He once posted an ad for his mobile game at 18:21 which means "Yi Bo ai ni" and which could have been directed at his fans. Some of their kadian might be but not all of them are reaching and the sheer quantity of all the kadian they've been using proves that those are not coincidences either. Regarding the changing of song lyrics, yes those are speculation. Gg never actually said he'd do that. But the circumstances around those is what makes it seem meaningful. And that time when he changed the lyrics to have the letters ybxz in the beginnings of lines seems meaningful and obvious enough as is.

Some things might not even have anything to do with them together but something completely else.

Of course that is a possibility and one that I am well aware of. I can and do obviously only base my judgement on what we see and know. If there’s something I don’t know that would somehow make my pov wrong, I would be willing to admit that and change my mind. When it comes to things like XZ, changing lyrics to ybxz or Yibo, posting at 10:05 (gg’s birthday) or talking about ordering clothes home to share and then seeing gg in those clothes or gg posting at times that have Yibo’s name or dd, posting at times that have XZ’s name - make it unmistakable to me that they are each other’s special someone and not anyone else’s. Since those things only fit each other.

You see those things as romance because you want to see them as such, not because they objectively are. That's exactly it, seeing things where there are none.

At the beginning of your message, you apologized for assuming I’m a crazy shipper but you end the message with this. “Seeing things where there are none” is what I’d consider crazy shipping so that last sentence sounds like an insult to me. I don’t know what to make of this, lol. Your assumption that I want to see those things as romance is wrong. They’d have it soooo much easier if they were just friends, why in God’s name would I want them to have it more difficult? They wouldn’t feel the need to hide so much, to be so distant in public. We’d probably get fanservice and selfies and joined endorsements. The scandal from February may not have ever happened cuz they’d definitely have fewer cp fans. It’d be awesome if they were nothing more than friends. Not to mention that making wrong claims about a relationship between two real people, solely based on what my desires are, is selfish - it’s about what I want instead of what is. I do not have that attitude. The fact that I wanted to believe they’re just friends is precisely why it took me several months to concede that I must be wrong. I kept dismissing all that I saw as coincidences or as platonic. I do not want ggdd to be lovers but I also don’t want to deny reality. I know that my perception may be fallible, though, so of course I am open to discussing this. I would welcome being proven wrong about this. You don’t properly back up your claims and your arguments don’t take all that we know into consideration. Which is why so far, at least, you haven’t made me see differently.

[fishylife]

Street Dance of China Season 4, Episode 5

- I love practice montages! I was surprised that we got to see the process of each of the captains (of the competing teams) choosing dancers to their teams. Ibuki and Ma Xiaolong were speaking English to each other, and I don’t doubt that English was probably the main mode of communication across borders for these dancers.

- Okay Ibuki leading Huang Xiao by hand and then Huang Xiao cackling in glee and hugging Ma Xiaolong....very cute.

- So...is Huang Xiao baby?

- Huehuehue love Poppin’C’s laugh

- Ibuki said that Ma Xiaolong helped her a lot with recruitment. I think that’s for two reasons. One is that Ma Xiaolong (and Huang Xiao) are choreographers, so they have a better idea of what styles look together. The other is that Ma Xiaolong knows the Chinese dancers better than she would.

- Moony was saying how Ibuki is the captain but she is the youngest, and is definitely very cute haha.

- Yang Kai was very worried about dancing to a rap song so he recruited as many choreographers as he could. But the issue was that they all had different approaches to choreographing so they spent a lot of time discussing before choreographing and rehearsing.

- Yang Kai deadass brought his laptop to the hotpot restaurant because he was going to turn dinner into a lesson on Three Kingdoms for Boris and Kenken lol. The name of their song was Chitu, which is the horse of Lv Bu. Basically Chitu was just a great super capable horse and that’s why it was so famous lol. Yang Kai was trying to compare their battle to the Three Kingdoms lmao. Kenken was Zhuge Liang, Ibuki was Cao Cao (LMAO), and Chitu Ma was a Ferrari lol. Not gonna lie though, the stories in Three Kingdoms are pretty iconic lol.

- In terms of the performances, I liked them both! I think that Team Ibuki’s performance was very fun in the sense that it was like a story. I don’t think songs like that are popular dance songs, so I really liked seeing how they choreographed the dance and I felt that it was done in a very creative and fun way. I think where it may have fallen short was the cohesion. I like Poppin’C, but I wonder if it was difficult to fit him in because his skill set was so specific. As well, because all of the dancers were wearing different clothes, it was a bit difficult to see their synchronization during the group dance parts. For Team Yang Kai’s performance, it definitely was extremely hype. Whereas Team Ibuki wore different clothes, Team Yang Kai had a dress code so the cohesion was easy to see. But I feel like Team Yang Kai’s performance was being propped up by the fact that it had a very hype song, one that easy to dance to.

- Rochka continues to be the biggest fanboy of every single person on this show. I love him!!!

- Y’all have no idea how much I love hearing Boris speak Chinese. Yes, he has an accent, but he is also very easy to understand. You have no idea how difficult it is to find non-ethnic Chinese people who speak Chinese this fluently. Iunno, he just makes Mandarin seem so much more approachable. Boris said that he’d been in China for 7 years so it makes sense that he feels so confident speaking. A lot of people who are learning languages have to get over that hump where they stop feeling embarrassed about their accent because they have to go out and live their life and buy groceries and go to the doctor and stuff and it’s really interesting to hear Boris expressing himself.

- Henry feeling so pressured when he had to choose which team to pick lmao.

- Yixing went “We’re looking at you because you’re cute!” So bold, Yixing XD

- And Henry went “I feel pressured because you guys are handsome.” XD Two can play at that.

- Then Han Geng went “Henry’s Chinese is so good now!” XD My mom says that to me when I make a good joke in Chinese.

- Yixing has to talk behind his clipboard because he’s so nervous lmfao.

- So the rule is that one judge gets two votes for each matchup. In addition to that, that judge has to cut three members, two to enter a battle and one to be eliminated immediately, not including the captain.

- Ibuki was so upset when she returned to her seat :(

- Ye Yin had his team draw out their feelings as they listened to their assigned song. I thought it was a bit gimmicky, but this visual is cute.

- I thought Team Ye Yin’s performance was cool considering this was a song that would be difficult to choreograph for. I was surprised with how the incorporated breaking and locking elements, as there are breaking and locking experts on their team. But overall I thought the choreography was so nice. It told a story, and it suited the vibe of the song. Props to Bunta for the awesome choreography.

- Han Geng said that their performance reminded him of his youth, and then Henry said that he felt the same, that the performance reminded him of Geng-ge. He was like “ge, do you remember?“ and Geng-ge was like of course! Han Geng said he remembered their romantic days X’D So unnecessary. At one point the director was like did Han Geng and Henry used to have their arms around each other’s shoulders? And both of them were like uhh yeah all the time dude.

- George was asked about his rivalry with C-Lil because they keep getting stuck together lol. Apparently C-Lil became a tea enthusiast which was cute.

- Yuwan clapping his hands while his arms around C-Lil :3

- Team Liangliang’s performance was cut because apparently it was not very good, and the editors cut it out to prevent them from getting haters. I think Liangliang’s Sun Wukong headgear had obstructed his vision, and Yixing said that the performance wasn’t very in sync. A pity :(

- Gogo Brothers’ team is stack af.

- Gogo Brothers + Hilty & Bosch hotel room conference lol.

- AC went for a waacking + krump combo which is cool! Their performance was extremely aesthetically pleasing. Even though the fire power is perhaps less explosive, they worked together as a team very well. I definitely thought the waacking and the krump complemented each other very well.

- AC bought snail noodles for his team members, and apparently it’s one of those very polarizing foods, but Chika really liked it haha.

- Ohh, you know this is gonna be good.

- Team Gogo Brothers’ performance was good, but at the same time...there wasn’t anything new about it? Since there were five lockers on the, most of the performance was going to be high quality locking, but at the same time, the locking kind of overshadowed any attempt to try anything new. It was still good though, I just felt that it had limitations compared to AC’s performance that did something new with combining styles, both in terms of dance and aesthetics (costumes).

- Love to see the baby smile v.v

- Lmao Xiao Jie said that Xiaohai was the good luck charm of their team XD His good luck charm name is Jr. Baby, aka Haibaobao lol

- Yibo and Yixing voted for Gogo Brothers, and Han Geng voted for AC, so Henry, who had two votes, had the final say in who would win this battle. Then we got the theatrics where Han Geng, Yibo, and Yixing went into the audience because their job was done lol.

- Then Henry was like “ge~~~~ didn’t you say you would take care of me?” And Han Geng’s like, I’m letting you have the SDOC experience bro.

- Even though we all know it’s a joke, Han Geng is still so caring and affectionate lol.

- Anyway, after all that shenaniganery, what Henry said was right. It feels so tough eliminating any single member of the team, because it was all of them who helped deliver such a beautiful performance. I know AC had a tough time going up against Gogo brothers but dammit I actually super loved their performance. So cruel!!!!!

- Han Geng felt bad because Auju had said he wanted to be in a solo battle in the 3 vs 3 challenge, but he was put in the 5 vs. 5 battle and then this group performance, so Han Geng wanted to let him have the stage to perform his best. I thought it was a nice gesture, to let him have the stage to show off in the way he was most confident with, to let himself show himself at his best.

- Then Henry was like “what if we had Auju AND Yixing????”

- And then Boi Marble joined!!! Krumptastic

- Yixing said that even though krumpers look really fierce, that aside from the krump, all of them are lil cuties uwu.

- Team Nelson having fun with Hanfu was so cute! :D Sometimes with the non-Chinese contestants, I worry that they find the Chinese culture stuff tedious, because SDOC does try to fit as much culture in. So I’m glad to see that they’re at least finding a way to have fun. I wish I had such pretty hanfu to dress up in v.v

- I’ll be honest though, I don’t think Nelson’s team was very synchronized. He had a lot of very good individual dancers (Bouboo, Zyko, Lil Kev, that firepower is undeniable), but there were parts when I felt like all of the dancers were doing their own thing. Maybe the choreography was too subtle, or maybe the dancers themselves had slightly different rhythms.

- Acky-san giving red pockets to his team, but instead of money, he wrote them letters in different languages T_T

- A full popping team is risky move, but it paid off. Everybody was popping so everybody was dancing to their strength. Compare that to some of the other teams, where there were some dancers who clearly were lagging because they were dancing to a style they were very comfortable with. In addition, the visual style of the performance was fresh and fun. Their costumes were very wacky and fun to look at, and their performance exuded the kind of fun vibes where you felt like you wanted to join them.

- Out of the captains who’d lost their challenges, they would have to battle each other in a round robin style tournament. First place would get to keep two of their "pending” members, and second place would get to keep one.

- Yixing got up SO FAST when Tell Me started playing. I didn’t know this song before so I looked it up and it is a bop haha.

- Yixing dancing along uwu I don’t know the name of this song but it was the second song in the Ibuki vs. Liangliang battle.

- AC vs. Ibuki dancing to It’s Raining Men was A LOT of fun, particularly because everybody including the spectators knew the song haha.

- The first place winner was Nelson who was able to save Tengzai and Lil Kev and the second place winner was AC who could only choose one person to save, and AC chose Fanfan.

- Ma Xiaolong and Huang Xiao comforting Ibuki because she couldn’t save her team members :(

- Ahh I’m going to miss Yuri because she was so cute and fun. AC apologized for not being able to save her :( Gonna miss u bb ;(

- I liked Latrice too T_T Hated to see her go :(

- Brats playing with the microphones. They basically disassembled their standing microphones and waved the part around even after Han Geng already told Yibo not to lmao.

- So this section was supposed to be the captains’ opportunity to tell the dancers what kind of team they were looking to put together. Yixing was so surprised because Han Geng and Yibo had very simple and short statements (though it took a while for Han Geng to get to his point), because the boy deadass prepared a speech. Of course he did.

- Yang Kai said that his speech sounded like a motivational speech from a boss at work. That’s exactly what it is.

- Apparently Henry also prepared a speech XD

- So from what I understand, the captains will recruit a team that they think represents their style. Afterwards, the dancers who have not been chosen will get to choose their team based on which captain’s style they like. I think that’s how it works, we’ll see if I’m right lol.

- Henry trying to gleam information X3 Yibo just deals with the pressure by smiling and shaking his head. Dare I say this is the first time I’ve seen Yibo look shy??????? It’s cuuuute.

- Since the cubicles don’t have ceilings, Henry was like someone could be watching me!

- Nosy housecat in training

- Yibo and Henry and Han Geng were playing mind games being like “oh, you picked Poppin’C? And Yixing fell for the trick ^^;; Luckily he was not allowed to change his answer so at least he’s not going to make a change he regrets lol.

- All of the dancers Yixing picked were not picked by anyone else so he was quite lucky.

- Han Geng had three of his choices matching with Henry or Yibo.

- Henry has no idea how to recruit dancers so he just ends up singing love songs. Of course.

- Zyko’s loyal dude XD I can see why Han Geng is a safe choice though. Han Geng is low on the theatrics, so if I was a low key guy like Zyko, I’d probably feel less pressure being on his team. I could just focus on dance and not on entertaining the cameras.

- I can see why Nelson would go with Yibo. Yibo is quiet but he’s serious and focused and more importantly they both confirmed that they are competitors.

- Henry and Han Geng both chose Ibuki. Here Han Geng is patiently waiting/spying while Ibuki and Henry have their interview.

- Then he was offered a ladder and Geng-ge became the biggest gremlin lmao.

- Yixing the good little helper.

- C U T I E

- When Han Geng was having his interview with Ibuki, he locked the ladder in his own room and kept the key. Then he stole the keys from all the other rooms and gave them to Henry XD Actual troll-ge.

- Ibuki chose Han Geng in the end.

- So all of the people Henry chose picked other captains. This frame lmfao.

- I think last season Yixing had tons of trouble recruiting dancers to his team. In the hotpot preview he said he was super lax about this year and it worked in his favour.

[robininthelabyrinth]

Do you think it's would make a difference of the war aftermath, if nie huaisang Mother was a wen ?

Nie Mingjue had never really known what to do with Nie Huaisang’s mother, a feeling that was most decided mutual.

Concubines were quite common among the regular folk, but they were fairly rare for cultivators, a function of the relative rarity of female cultivators; virtually all the men Nie Mingjue knew preferred visiting prostitutes or setting up mistresses from the ranks of women who couldn’t cultivate over bringing them into the household.

And yet Nie Mingjue’s father brought her home, pale-faced and already pregnant, after having spent nearly two months away at a discussion conference to rehash the boundary lines, and married her according to their clan’s customs, bringing her into the household to stay.

There were whispers, of course. There’d been talk about how his father ought to have another son to replace Nie Mingjue ever since his mother had left as swiftly and unexpectedly as she’d arrived. But that sort of talk faded soon enough when a rumor leaked that the Wen sect had sent her to Nie Mingjue’s father’s quarters as entertainment, and had never expected him to marry her to legitimize the child.

Nie Mingjue didn’t hear about that until much later, when he was older, but he thought they might even be true – a disappointing failing in a man he’d always revered, but it wasn’t as if he could or would say anything about it. At least his father had always treated her well, no matter how she flinched and shied away from everything at the start. The rare few times Nie Mingjue saw her, she was always looking wan and sad as if she’d left her heart behind in Qishan.

Maybe she had.

But she was his father’s concubine, so it wasn’t as if Nie Mingjue could ask, nor do anything about it if he did.

She fell sick not long after the birth, which was a difficult one, and became bedridden; to ease her burden, Nie Mingjue quietly took over caring for the baby, his brother, with the intention of handing him back to her when she was better.

She eventually got better, mostly, but she didn’t take Nie Huaisang back.

Instead, she burst into tears at the sight of him, every time.

Nie Mingjue might be a child, and more inclined to be martial than cognizant of feelings, but he was still young enough to be hurt and indignant on his brother’s behalf. He still remembered the bitterness of asking why he didn’t have a mother only to learn that she had left him behind – he had no memories of her – and to think that this mother was right here, and yet…

In the end, he continued to raise Nie Huaisang as best as he could between training and classes and learning to be a sect leader, and began to treat her coldly, like a stranger.

Still, when his father lost his mind, she was the second person he thought to save, after securing Nie Huaisang’s safety: like a little bird, she was fragile and delicate, faded from years of self-imposed confinement even though Qinghe lacked the restrictive rules of Qishan – she wouldn’t last a minute against the full force of his father’s mad range that even he could only redirect, not stop.

(He woke up, later, to her trembling hands trying to apply healing salve onto his injuries, and he thought it might be the first time she’d ever looked directly at him. It didn’t last: she didn’t speak other than to ask him if Huaisang was all right, and he’d snapped in a helpless rage that she’d lost the right to ask him that years before, and after that they had mutually agreed that it would be best if he locked her in her room for her own protection until his father died.)

After that he became sect leader.

“I have a request,” she said to him one day, a few weeks later. “If you would grant it.”

Nie Mingjue shrugged and gestured for her to come into his office. Nie Huaisang was sitting in the corner painting a family picture – Nie Huaisang and Baxia, himself and Aituan – and he looked up briefly, curious to see what woman was brave enough to dare his brother’s temper, but the interest quickly drained out of his face after he’d managed to place her.

“You want to go back to Qishan?” Nie Mingjue asked when she seemed to be unable to speak. “My father is dead; surely your mother’s family would take you, if you didn’t mind the rumors.”

To his surprise, she paled and shook her head rapidly.

At his questioning look, she lowered her head and whispered, “The women of Qishan Wen cannot – it would be a disgrace. And it is – it’s a harsh place to live, cruel and unkind.”

Nie Mingjue had always supposed that to be the case, but he thought he might as well ask. “What, then?”

“I…I would like to bring someone here. If you don’t mind.”

Nie Mingjue’s eyebrows arched. His father hadn’t been in the ground a full month, and she wanted to move her lover in? He ought to cut off her head even for suggesting it.

But she was Nie Huaisang’s mother, however much he despised her for neglecting him, and so instead he said, “Who?”

She told him.

Baxia screamed in metal and Nie Mingjue was on his feet, feeling his eyes pound as his sight flickered red with rage: “You had children?!” he snarled at her, ignoring how her eyes went wide and she backed away from him even though after everything that had happened with his father he hated being feared the most. “You had children and you left them there?!”

“Da-ge, you’re blocking my light,” Nie Huaisang said, not looking up from his painting, and the moment Nie Mingjue saw how his knuckles had gone white around his brush he turned to face the wall to take deep breaths until he was calm again. He was still facing it when he heard Nie Huaisang speak again, his voice even. “You should leave, Concubine Wen.”

“I only –”

“It’s your fault he’s so angry,” Nie Huaisang said, and his voice was as mature as a seven year old could make it – mature, and angry as well, in his own way, really angry rather than throwing a temper tantrum that was halfway for effect. “Go away before you make it worse. We’ll have an answer for you later.”

She left.

A small hand made its way into Nie Mingjue’s, squeezing it lightly. It helped, a little. “What did she do?”

“She has children,” Nie Mingjue said, still staring at the wall. “A girl and a boy – their father died shortly before she met our father. She just…she left them behind in Qishan, which she clearly hates, and she never…she’s lived here for years. The boy’s only a year older than you. And I had no idea! She never once mentioned them, or visited, or let them visit, or – anything.”

“Why do you care?” Nie Huaisang asked, tone curious.

“Because it’s wrong,” Nie Mingjue said. “She abandoned them. Just like –”

He shut his mouth, unsure if he wanted to say you or me, but nevertheless Nie Huaisang’s hand tightened on his own, understanding.

A better man might think to himself that this loss was the reason behind her reluctance to get close to Nie Huaisang; Nie Mingjue, whose mother had left him behind and through another woman’s negligence became a parent when he was the same age as her older son would be now, had no space in his heart for sympathy, and all he felt was disappointment.

Still, it was not in the nature of the Qinghe Nie to do nothing when faced with an injustice.

It took a few months to make it work, painful negotiations with Wen Ruohan smirking at him across the table because he had something Nie Mingjue wanted and he knew it, but in the end he managed to arrange for the two children to come to visit Qinghe without explaining exactly why he wanted them.

Not to stay, because Wen Ruohan wouldn’t have leverage that way, but it was – something.

“Nie Huaisang can show you around,” Nie Mingjue told them, because they were obviously terrified of him and no one, not even little sheep-like Wen Ning, could be scared of Nie Huaisang. “And take you to meet your mother, if you like.”

“And what if we don’t?” Wen Qing asked, crossing her arms. She was a little older, though still a few years shy of Nie Mingjue’s age.

“Then don’t,” Nie Mingjue said shortly. “I brought you here for your sake, not hers.”

Somehow, and he really didn’t know how, that day had ended with him teaching Wen Ning how to shoot arrows to Nie Huaisang’s over-excited cheering and Wen Qing’s dramatic eye-rolling, and by the time they left they were calling him da-ge the way Nie Huaisang did, even Wen Qing.

He still wasn’t sure if they’d visited their mother.

But then – that wasn’t the point.

“They’re your brothers and sisters, you know,” he told Nie Huaisang, a slight frown marring his face. “They’re as close to you in blood as I am.”

“Obviously,” Nie Huaisang sniffed, rolling his eyes – an entire production when he did it, shoulders shrugging and head lolling. “Why do you think I told them to call you da-ge? Brother and sister of a brother; it’s close enough.”

Nie Mingjue rolled his eyes in return and cuffed him as a brat, but his heart was lightened, a little. From what he knew of the woman, the two Wen children might never have a proper mother, but that was fine; he could do that for them, the way he’d done it for Nie Huaisang, and this way Nie Huaisang would have a er-jie and a san-ge as well.

But the thought was easier said than done – Nie Mingjue was determined to go to war against Wen Ruohan to avenge his father’s murder, and it was difficult to balance that enmity with the need to ensure Wen Qing and Wen Ning remained safe, and were not considered hostages.

Jin Guangshan, of all people, ended up helping with that, his mouth so full of sly innuendo about pretty young Wen Qing that even Wen Ruohan seemed halfway convinced by it, and equally convinced that Nie Mingjue would get bored of her quickly enough, an impression Nie Mingjue did his best to encourage.

On the surface, he even let that seem to be the case, letting the visits cease and adopting a blank and uncaring expression any time she was mentioned.

When the war drew nearer, Wen Ruohan’s excesses more unforgivable, Nie Mingjue sent a missive – through five different layers of secrecy that Nie Huaisang had somehow concocted, and Nie Mingjue really didn’t want to think about how his useless baby brother figured out something his spies couldn’t – asking if Wen Qing and Wen Ning would be willing to seek refuge in Qinghe.

Wen Qing refused, but shared all the information she could, as a healer, in good conscience pass along. She thought they could do more to help people by staying where they were, and Nie Mingjue couldn’t fault her for that even if he disagreed – and she promised him that both she and Wen Ning were doing everything they could to fight against injustice, no matter what the circumstance.

Nie Mingjue tried his best to keep track of both of them.

He didn’t want to find them dead with a Nie saber in their chests, but he couldn’t let people know about their connection, either, or else it’d be a Wen sword in their backs instead. It was a hard balance to draw.

After Meng Yao killed Wen Ruohan, and the sun on earth fell from the sky at last, leaving all those surnamed Wen to pay for the sins of their clansmen, Nie Mingjue made it a priority to find them.

“You won’t be able to find anyone if you can’t walk,” Nie Huaisang scolded him, shoving him back down onto the bed. “I’ll go look for them myself. It’ll be fine.”

“If you can’t find them in any of the remaining Wen strongholds, try the prisoner of war camps,” Nie Mingjue said muzzily. He wasn’t sure what was in the medicine Nie Huaisang continuously poured down his throat, but it was very strong; he could scarcely feel how many broken ribs he had, but he couldn’t feel much else, either. “Maybe someone took them somewhere they’d be safe…”

“They’d better be safe. They promised.”

“Huaisang…”

“What if they’re not safe?” Nie Huaisang fretted. “They’re still surnamed Wen. Someone could be bullying them –”

Nie Mingjue reached out with a hand to pat Nie Huaisang’s knee. He missed the first few times, but eventually got it. “Don’t worry about it,” he said firmly. “They may be surnamed Wen, but they’re wards of Qinghe Nie; if you see someone bullying them, bully them back – who’d start something with us now?”

He was speaking lightly. Unfortunately, given that he was talking with Nie Huaisang, he probably shouldn’t have been.

“So, there’s good news and bad news,” Nie Huaisang announced, blowing into Nie Mingjue’s office. “Also, you shouldn’t be working.”

Nie Mingjue’d heard the same thing from about seven different people – “you’re still three broken bones over the work limit, Sect Leader” – but he was dying of boredom; they should all be happy he was voluntarily limiting himself to paperwork instead of seeing if willpower and some braces could stand up to a basic round of saber training.

“What’s the news?” he asked, then brightened when he saw Wen Ning trailing after him. “You found them!”

“I did! Well, Wen Ning, but he says Wen Qing is still free and looking for him, so I can’t imagine she’ll be that hard to find. Also, I may or may not have started a war by stabbing one of the Jin sect main family cultivators.”

Nie Mingjue stared at him.

“He was beating Wen Ning!”

Nie Mingjue glanced at Wen Ning, who looked anxious enough for it to be true. “Well, in that case, he deserved it,” he said, a little bit begrudgingly. “Is he dead?”

“Maybe?” Nie Huaisang thought about it. “…probably. You know how Aituan gets. I’m not sorry; Jin Zixun was an ass.”

“Did you at least challenge him to a duel first? It’ll make things easier if you did, though I suppose it’s not strictly necessary…”

“You’re not mad?” Wen Ning blurted out, wide-eyed. “Sect Leader Nie, if you have to fight another war because of me –”

“Against Lanling Jin?” Nie Mingjue snorted. “I could beat Jin Guangshan with both hands tied behind my back even if I were twice as injured as I am now, and that’s assuming he lets it get to a fight. He’ll want something else instead; the question will be to see if it’s something I’m willing to give.”

What he wanted was Wei Wuxian’s head on a platter, or at least his Stygian Tiger Seal.

Nie Mingjue thought about the rumors about Wei Wuxian, frowning, and agreed to think about it, committing to nothing.

He was glad for that, later, when the man himself showed up at one of the Jin prisoner of war camps that Nie Mingjue was demolishing, Wen Qing at his side, clearly ready to tear down the sky to get Wen Ning back.

“Uh,” Wei Wuxian said, staring blankly. “You’re – taking them somewhere?”

“Back to the Nie sect,” Nie Mingjue said. “You too, Wen Qing; we’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

“Is this okay?” Wei Wuxian asked her.

“This is fine,” Wen Qing said, beaming. “Da-ge will take care of us.”

“…us?”

“After that scene you made back at Lanling, you’ll need it,” she said briskly. “Didn’t you hear? Some people were saying that you killed – what’s his name. Jin Zixun.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Nie Mingjue said. “Nie Huaisang killed him.”

“Nie Huaisang?”

“Yes.”

“With – what?”

“His saber, of course.”

“His…saber?”

“Yes.”

“No wonder they think I did it,” Wei Wuxian said. “Even I don’t believe that story. No offense, Chifeng-zun.”

Nie Mingjue suppressed a sigh, though in fairness he really couldn’t blame him. “Does he really need sanctuary?” he asked Wen Qing. “The Jiang sect…”

“He needs it,” she said firmly.

Nie Mingjue’s eyes narrowed, because he knows his younger siblings too well. “You did something.”

“How do you do that?” she complained.

Nie Mingjue just shook his head. “I’m your da-ge,” he said. “All right, come on; help pack everyone up and come to Qinghe. We can deal with the rest of it later.”

“But –” Wei Wuxian started to say.

“You can argue back at Qinghe. It’s probably better than wherever you were planning on taking them, anyway.”

“…I was thinking Yiling?”

“The Burial Mounds? My young siblings? Absolutely not.”

(When they arrived, there was a woman standing at gate, watching them. She seemed pleased.)