#this ones kinda heavy Im sorry?

[lovesickeros]

☆ de fontaine

{☆} characters furina {☆} notes cult au, imposter au, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings angst, suicidal thoughts, hurt / no comfort {☆} word count 1.4k

This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair. This wasn't fair!

She thought, for one moment, she could put the mask down and breathe – for one moment of daydreaming, she thought she could just be Furina. She thought she would finally get to live the live she should've had in the first place, the life she threw away to play God to an audience who saw her as nothing but a circus animal, dancing to their whims. Furina just wanted to be selfish for one brief and fleeting moment..and it was gone before she could even grasp it in her hand. A comet soaring past far out of her reach.

She can barely keep her hands from violently shaking as she looks down at them – broken and bloody and more a corpse then a person – and she feels so numb she can't even feel the rain pelting against her back. None of this is fair, she wants to scream, why is it always me? But her voice is silent beneath the torrent of rain. She wonders if the ocean would take her if she sank into it's depths – just for a moment, she wonders how it would feel to finally be able to sleep at ease.

Furina is tired.

But Furina is nothing if not useful, isn't she?

So she forces her feet to move, dragging against the stone beneath her heels, and drags their bloodied body into the nearest empty building, letting the rain do the work of washing away the smeared blood following her path. The smell makes her feel sick, the feeling of it sticking to her hands and gloves makes her lightheaded, but she persists. Because Furina is useful, because Furina won't let them die out in the rain, because Furina won't stand by and just let them rot on the streets like some..pest.

Furina wants to go home. She wants to sleep and she isn't she if she wants to wake up, this time. But she keeps going anyway.

Because it's all she's ever done, and the habit sticks.

An Archon she may not be, not anymore, but the expectations of five hundred years still linger like eyes on the inside of her skull. They watch her, pry and prod at her thoughts, mocking laughter and judging eyes following her as she forces herself to dance to the song they weave with glee. Furina never stepped off that stage – she's still there, she thinks, watching the crowd stare at her in disdain as the curtain call looms above her like a guillotine. She still hears Neuvillette deliver her damnation and salvation with a trembling voice, still feels her hair stand on end when electro crackled like the crack of the whip, Clorinde's blade aimed at her like a loaded gun.

She's trapped on that stage and she never left, not really.

She hates it. She thinks she hates them, but it's not their fault. They didn't ask for this, didn't ask for everyone to turn against them, didn't ask for her to save them. Neither did she..yet here they are, she thinks.

She tries to tell herself she's in control this time, though. She can stop performing her part in this horrible, bloody play any time she wants. It makes her feel better, just for a little while, if she convinces herself she's still Furina, painfully human.

And Furina has always been good at lying.

It's the believing that's the hard part.

There isn't time for her to wallow in her own self pity, though. They're still bleeding out onto the dusty, creaky floorboards of some random, broken down house and she's just standing there as the blood stains the wood. She can fix it – she's good at fixing things. She's done nothing but fix things – try to, anyway – for five hundred years. She can fix a little wound, how hard could it be? Her hands are clenched so tight they ache as she kneels down, wincing at the creak of the floorboards beneath her heels– she hesitates just long enough to wonder if she's making a mistake before she peels away just enough of the outer layer of their clothes to see the deep, bloody gash across their chest. She tries not to think about it – it's deep, too deep, and she feels dizzy just looking at it, but she's handled worse, right?

Furina can fix it. That's what she's good at.

She doesn't feel so confident when she tries to wrack her brain for..something. Five hundred years, and a little wound stumps her? No, she had to have learned something, right? She's decidedly not trying to buy time because she's panicking, parsing through hundreds of years of memories like flipping through a book. Furina isn't made for this, not really – she's running on nothing but adrenaline and she's really not sure what she's doing, but she's trying. And just like before, it won't be enough, will it?

She'll fall short again – she'll be too late to fix it before she's alone again.

Furina was an Archon..used to be. What use would she have for that sort of knowledge? Which makes her predicament all the more harrowing and bleak. What was she supposed to do?

Furina had heard it first hand, that vitriol in Neuvillette's voice. She isn't sure she's ever heard him that..angry before. She's not sure he would listen to her if she tried, either. And that scares her more then anything. All of Fontaine was up in arms about this..imposter, yet here she was, staring down at them bleeding out in front of her, and she was trying to save them.

Why? Why is she throwing away her only chance at normalcy for a fraud? Why didn't she just turn them in?

They were dying – that should've been a good thing, shouldn't it? So why didn't it feel like it?

"Why you?" Her voice breaks as she speaks in harsh tones, grabbing the front of their shirt in trembling, bloodied hands. "Why now?" She wants to scream, to demand answers they can't give, to claw back the reprieve she was promised after five hundred years of agony..and all she can do is sob into their chest, pleading for an answer that will not come. "Why me?"

Silence is their answer, and it hangs heavy on her trembling shoulders as she cries.

Of course they don't, she thinks bitterly, no one has ever answered her pleas spoken in hushed sobs. Not her other self and certainly not them.

Furina has always been alone. Furina will always be alone.

Because Furina never left that stage, never left that moment when she looked at herself in the mirror and took up a mantle too heavy for her to bear. She always finds her way back eventually. There's no one on the other side anymore – she stands alone on a stage, waiting for an inevitable end she isn't sure will come.

"Please," She pleads through tears and choked sobs, clinging to them like they are all that keeps her from sinking. "Please don't leave me, too." The words burn on her tongue – how pathetic is she that she craves companionship from the bloodied body of the imposter? Perhaps she's truly lost her mind after all these years..perhaps she's finally gone mad. She must have.

But their presence is like the first feeling of gentle warmth upon her skin as the sun crests the horizon, like the gentle lap of tides along her heels, the sway of branches and leaves as the wind blows through them like an instrument all it's own. They are the soothing sound of rain against the window as she watches the dreary skies in fond longing, the first bloom of spring as color blooms upon the landscape like paint had been spilled across the hills and valleys.

They are like the faint spark she carefully nurtures and stokes, so fragile even the smallest wind could blow it out like a candle. She cradles it within her palms, pleads with whoever will listen – prays that someone finally listens, because if not for her, then for them.

She's failed to protect too much already, let too many people with so much trust in her fall between the cracks of her fingers like grains of sand. She won't let them go – she can't.

If nothing else, if she couldn't be saved when she begged for salvation from that five hundred year long agony, even if she never got that chance..

Furina will make sure they do.

[elkieanddoppo]

chuuya moving on from dazai bc he ran away (betrayed) the mafia and didn't even bother telling him beforehand. he thought dazai could trust him now. they were literally in a relationship and had been since they were 16.

it was 2 years later, he was walking to a bar that he has been going to ever since dazai betrayed him. chuuya insisted that he has moved on from him but really, whos gonna believe him when he still drinks and cries because of that bandaged freak.

he enters the bar and walked to his usual seat. he noticed a blonde man sitting beside it. he sat down and ordered his usual.

while waiting, he could not stop looking at the guy beside him. he was so gorgeous. even though he can only see his side profile, chuuya thinks hes the most beautiful person he has ever seen.

the blonde noticed that he was staring and turned his head to him, "whatre you staring at me for? do you want a fight huh? im not in the mood right now." the beautiful dazzling blonde with red glasses said. chuuya noticed that the guy brushed his luscious hair with his hand as he still looked at chuuya

'oh my, his eyes is so. i can get lost while looking at it. also his hair, damn. i wonder what his hair would look like while hes fucking m-- I MEAN WHAT WHO SAID THAT' chuuya coughed and looked away while blushing.. "uh im sorry, it's just that youre so beautiful- I MEAN HUH UH I MEANT THAT IVE NEVER SEEN YOU IN THIS BAR BEFORE haha dont get me wrong.."

the blonde was surprised by the ginger's outburst but he calmed himself down and chuckled.

"calm down. im sorry for kinda assuming that you want to fight,, as i said i had a really bad day today."

chuuya looked at the other.

"don't worry, it's my fault for staring.."

the blonde smiled, "my name is kunikida doppo. it's a pleasure to meet you." he reached out his hand to the ginger.

"oh, im nakahara chuuya. you can just call me chuuya tho." he said as he shaked kunikida's hand.

"wait but we just met. i believe that it is inappropriate to call someone their first name when they--"

chuuya reached to kunikida to tuck a strand of hair behind his ear, "please, kunikida-san? i hate when people call me by my last name."

kunikida blushed at his action, "well, if you say so." he said as he drank from his glass again. "then quit calling me kunikida-san too." he murmured. if the man he was talking to was not the nakahara chuuya, then no one would have heard it. however, chuuya heard it loud and clear.

chuuya chuckled and drank from his glass that arrived a while ago when the two of them were talking.

"should i call you kunikida-kun then?"

"i- um." the blonde cleared his throat. "you can...ll...ppo"

"hm? cant hear you, darling. speak up."

"what.. darling?! chuuya, are you already drunk?"

"oh, sorry. did i make you uncomfortable?" chuuya scratched his head.

"oh uh no." he paused for a second.

'it felt right...' he thought. he ignored the thought by shaking his head.

"uh you can call me doppo, i guess" kunikida said as he looked at his glass of sake and gently shook it.

"i can?"

"yeah." kunikida smiled sweetly.

'god hes so beautiful.' chuuya thought as he smiled back

"alright, doppo."

the only people that had called him that were: the armed detective agency president, fukuzawa yukichi, and his parents. kunikida was not used to anyone else calling him that but since he was the one who insisted...

he felt himself smile. he looked at chuuya who was staring at his wine. he looked so empty when he entered the bar but now he was full of life. this look he has now suits him better. he wants to make this man happy.

however, theyve only just met. so he must wait. wait until he has truly get to know him better.

kunikida raised his glass, chuuya noticed it.

"cheers?"

chuuya smiled and raised his glass too.

"cheers."

[hacksawboy]

sorry i was playing tf2 from when i woke up till like 50 minutes ago so i had to like quickly doodle something to post. so bug fortress. take bug fortress. im so exhausted rn help

tf2 is now my most played steam game 200 HOURS BRO women hate me fish do not fear me

[druidshollow]

being sick with something to do with your biologigal sex when youre trans has to be one of the most isolating experiences out there

[wings-of-angels]

trying to plan out what pokèmon bruce wayne would have... much to think about

[m3llowm1sh]

cw for flashing lights tw for (slight?) ab*se mentions in the lyrics!

ok so ever since i saw this post (specifically the last pic) i could not stop thinking about how the first glass beach album is kind of cocole coded which led to me thinking about it for like almost a week which led me to start progress on this custom level of glass beach by. glass beach which. is far. VERY far from finished (7 FUCKING MINUTES ARE YOU KIDDING ME) but i wanted to share what i have of it it anyways bcuz. i need ppl to see my vision.

this post got longer than i thought it would so. More ramblings under the cut

ik the song is supposed to be about a girl’s parents being shitty and the guy wanting his lover to run away from them and stuff, but i have a plot in mind about how instead of parents its nicoles smoking addiction which keeps on hurting her and how cole is tired of it. i think its nice to explore their journey of cutting away from their addiction (even though its mostly talked about in the game… idk i still think its interesting) and how everyone else in the hospital helps them idk. also including some pining because that's always wonderful

theres also this little mini comic i drew w the first couple of lyrics of classic j dies and goes to hell part 1, theres not really a story its just random moments but i still think its decently alright? i am. not a storyteller. IDK

but anyways i just want people to get that they are so. glass beach coded and i could NOT get them off of my mind for the life of me. i hope i can muster up the motivation to finish the level because i really really want to and i think itd be cool idk RAMBLE OVER

[lightningmcqueeniloveyou]

Sometimes my day is going fine then I think about the theory for Mater's tall tales series where everything Mater said was real and Lightning didnt remember it because in the first tale, where Mater did the stunt thing by the cliff, Lightning did fall down the cliff and kinda died and Doc had to rebuild him completely so now he has holes in his memories.

[muirneach]

yeah prev kinda fucked me up ngl. read it and was uncharacteristically like damn that sucks anyways back to scrolling. but then i dropped my phone on the table and stared into space for ten minutes there. i dont know man. i guess my secret dream of being the first tboy in the atp kinda took that one personally. not that this is about Me when this is about andrey being lowkey a horrible person. hes sucked for a while but now its just like. yeah okay fuck off man…

[altruistic-meme]

oph, hey anxiety ✌️

[allylikethecat]

teen dad au 👀 i’m here for maximum angst haha

Okay, so Ducklings is pretty angsty and Fictional!Matty isn't handling that whole situation well... now IMAGINE how angsty that fic would be if Fictional!Matty was like 16-17. Teenagers are the angstiest group of people I've ever met and we all know how messy my Fictional!Matties always end up being...

I have a few more projects I need to finish (or almost finish) before I can truly dive into this one (I say that now but watch me be like FUCK IT WE'RE POSTING next week lol) but between this and the Vampire fic have been very much consuming my thoughts. I'm so glad that there is an audience for this one as well!!! My head has just been SPINNING with so many ideas and the note on my phone for this fic is getting longer and longer...

Thank you so much for sending in this lovely encouraging ask, for reading and for the continued support! I hope you enjoy my other projects in the meantime and that I'm able to get to this one sooner rather than later! I hope you have a happy Monday and a fantastic week!

❤️Ally

[undercoverangell]

men when the cycle is endless

[hacksawboy]

some of us r sane and the rest of us spend 5 hours drawing their tf2 ocs

i was gonna do more but um. no. not right now. another day mayhaps.

anyways i finally finished vampire medic and i also designed scene scout which was an idea i never talked about but ive had in mind for a bit xD yeah i hope u enjoy :)

[benetnvsch]

OH OH just realized my Oda-coded friend ,, actually ??? shares a birthday with him wow this will have No Impact on my wellbeing At All ?!???uhashhh?

[if-loki-was-a-fox]

Hhhhhh why does it always have to take me six hours to transition into doing anything it's so frustrating I just wanna write that fanfic NOW or take the shower NOW or get out of bed NOW I don't want to spend half the day hyping myself up for it >:|

[deeisace]

.

[hzrnvm]

even before i watched bcs (and even before i watched brba, a little) i found myself imitating saul goodman's mannerisms and phsyicality/gestures. This is because 1. he's attractive 2. I'm already constantly moving my hands and clapping and pointing. I'm not that far off.