#this ones getting too many follows and i dont want my mom to find it

[horce-divorce]

I have hard boundaries for myself about how I use social media that I've followed for the last few years. Ever since I briefly left tumblr and tried twitter, I took so much psychic damage from that experience that I had to make new rules about how I use the internet. Setting app timers did nothing for me, so I compromised: im allowed to use social media daily to my heart's content (which I found isnt actually all that much)- as long as isn't the FIRST thing I open when I wake up.

For YEARS it was my habit to crack open my eyes and click into FB or Twitter or Insta before I even got out of bed. It was like this compulsive Need to Know What's Going On Out There. what did I miss while I was asleep? Never much, but always some new drama, some new political blunder, some new Person of the Day everyone was dunking on. I hated it, but I COULDN'T stop. I physically couldn't resist.

So lately I've tried to replace that habit with, just, something else. Anytime I feel the urge to click into social media, I try using another app instead. Usually it's a game (dvc has been great for me bc of the social feature, but just as often I'll open up my coloring book, wordscapes, or any other game that keeps me busy for 2 seconds and fulfills the "click button get dopamine" urge). Especially first thing in the morning. My brain needs a solid 2-3 hours of consciousness before I can handle social media.

A cool life hack I learned recently is that it's easier to get up in the morning if you do something you actually LIKE to do first thing in the day. it's done wonders for my mental health. I went from "ugh, morning again? It was literally morning yesterday," to feeling like Spongebob hopping out of bed going "IM READY!" every day. Clicking into social media was NOT something I was doing because I liked it. Gaming is something I do because I love it. I love checking on my dragons, it makes me feel HAPPY to have looked at them, i make new friends playing games bc we already have something in common (ive rarely made new friends on social media. I used to make friends ALL THE TIME playing games like neopets, roleplaying and posting on forums, and building little websites and things- ive even made a bunch of friends on tumblr. Never on FB, though). It's a world of difference getting up and checking on my animal crossing villagers, who fill me with glee and delight, vs looking at FB first thing in the morning and feeling bitter about all the people I know who aren't paying attention to me.

So anyway, this has worked SHOCKINGLY well for me? Usually just clicking another app and looking at it for a minute fulfills the urge to have clicked the FB button, or whatever, which then goes away- and I have sated my craving without pissing myself off, and without creating additional urges by going on social media. I have been using social media SO MUCH LESS since I started doing this and I've been feeling amazing for it. And it's not always games. I also use more practical apps like Bearable and Habitica. Sometimes I'll even click thru my photos or notes instead of clicking the social app.

This morning, I broke my habit. For the first time in weeks or maybe even months, I woke up and clicked FB and Insta first thing. I shared a post or two lately and I was hoping my friends had seen it, but I knew they hadn't even before I looked. 2 likes, no comments. I clicked into Instagram and saw a Reel from Kevin James Thornton, a comedian and whole media personality who has over 600k follows on Instagram alone, pleading with his existing fans to choose to check up on him and to sign up for his email list instead, because the algorithm only wants to hook new followers. The 600k existing ones aren't good enough. Gotta have that exponential growth or else our shareholders will be very cross with us!

I realized this morning what it is about FB that makes me so irate, the thing that creates additional urges to post my whole ass and pick fights and be as annoying as possible: because I hate feeling like I'm being ignored. And this is a feeling social media manufactures for you CONSTANTLY. You log on and ONLY see posts that are already popular, posts that are already "getting engagement." Everyone else is clearly online commenting and interacting with all this other stuff except for yours. Why aren't you good enough? Don't they like YOUR posts? Why are they ignoring you? What did you do wrong?

You can KNOW wholeheartedly that Facebook gives incentives to certain posts/posters and that it does the opposite with certain topics, especially socio-political ones. You can know that it's the algorithm refusing to show your posts, and not your friends ignoring you. But still, you have a page, people know how to find you- can't they come to your page to check? Did they forget you exist? Do they just not care? You can SEE they're online, and they can see YOU'RE online, so what's not clicking???

In me, at least, this WILDLY increases the urge to post something dramatic, incendiary, or outrageous just to get a response. OH, you guys don't like me when im being polite and quiet? You'll really hate me when I decide to be annoying on purpose!

Which then increases engagement, providing you with positive reinforcement for posting "controvertial" things, starting fights, posts that provoke people into responding... If you wont choose to interact with my posts? Fine. I'll make the urge fucking irresistible. A positive reinforcement for fighting and doing other unpleasant things we don't like, and supposedly don't want to use social media for, and yet.

It's not merely that posting misinformation and getting in fights is profitable to these platforms. Why is it profitable? Because the more you engage with (read: fight) random strangers, the more other, new people are also exposed to your inflammatory conversations, which in turn sparks a response in them, and so and so forth.

If we all just gained 600k followers and then stopped, and we all saw every update they made, and we all just hung out in our own corners and minded our own business? Sure, that would be lucrative for the creators with all those followers, but Instagram wouldn't be experiencing exponential growth- they need MORE new users, MORE old users spending MORE time on the app, following MORE people, leaving MORE comments, SEEING MORE ADS, because they need more and more and more for their shareholders. Influences are the product just as much as regular users.

I'm thinking about that post that talks about how, as income inequality gets worse and the middle class shrinks, advertising gets more and more aggressive, despite people's ability to spend shrinking with each new day. This feels similar somehow? Like, people are starting to get wise to the fact that social media makes us feel like crap, and that the excuse of "I have to use it to stay connected to everyone else" falls flat when you're not actually connecting with those people. Even as the internet continues to shrink, more and more people are getting fed up with social media and using it less, or leaving outright, because it's becoming less and less usable, more ad-ridden than ever. And yet it reinforces the need for those platforms to get more aggressive, to bring in more users to replace the ones they're losing. It's a never ending cycle of "we have to cause you psychic damage! in the interest of roping in more people to damage psychically :)" and we all know we're doing it, and we all hate them for it, and yet we can't stop.

Once again I have to mention that absolutely fucking BIZARRE interaction my bf had the other day. Someone he knew "liked" a comment that was spreading misinformation and a very anti-treatment sentiment about DBT. He messaged this friend privately to ask if they really thought that. They told him, "I dont know what DBT is. I just click 'like' on any comment someone I think is cool makes." When my bf pressed them further, along the lines of, "why would you do that?" They said "for engagement." This was not an influencer, this is not a brand or a page or a business account they were using. It was a personal account w a few hundred friends. I just CANNOT get over this. Clicking buttons just because they're there, "for engagement" lmao. Engagement for whom, my good bitch? They might be interacting with your posts, but this is not "your" platform. The engagement isn't for you, sweaty. But ok.

I dont have a conclusion or any suggestions here. Just an observation. What a fucking mess. Social media demanded that we all make ourselves available 24/7, trained us to React instead of to care, convinced us all that we are each some kind of personal brand that requires social marketing to maintain, got us to pick fights with each other constantly as a result, made the internet a miserable place to be, and we have thanked them for the privilege.

Anyway. No more letting the algorithm tell you what to care about today. Contact me thru a series of intricate rituals or not at all. If it's really that important you can send me a Neomail 👍

[sxtvrns]

the firsts i’ve never felt

🎶 now playing: clementine - grentperez

P: Kim Jongseob x Fem!Reader

S: You find yourself wandering the headquarters after being left unattended. He finds himself unreasonably intrigued by you.

C: meet cute, fluff, puppy love, inaccuracy, a bit sloppy, mentions of bullying, kinda rushed?

N: i’ve transformed my entire feed and started a bunch of masterlists and stuff! this fic is part of one of them that i need to design and stuff but i hope you’re loving the organization because i certainly am. i really wanna write but my brain is running out of scenarios i can work off of so if you dont hear from me for a while you know why. if i don't get a hair colour right sue me i can't memorize everything | all ages listed are korean, not international!

view the rest of the conversations ☆彡

please interact if you enjoy!

“Hey, honey, do you wanna come and visit my new job today? They’re showing me around, and you’re planning to work in the entertainment industry behind the scenes, aren’t you?”

…sounds like a super unprofessional thing for your mom to say on her first day of the job. However, the staff gave her leeway somehow after saying you were an aspiring makeup artist with a growing following. She said you could join in a few years, if you’d like. You still had time to think about it.

“So, how old is your daughter?” The employee asks.

“16.”

“What kind of makeup does she do?”

“She has a rather… broad spectrum. I could go into specifics but that would require me showing you examples and taking up your time.”

“Oh, go ahead! Besides, I could use a break from the work.”

The door to the elevator opens with a ding, both adults behind you not seeming to pay attention. You quickly but stealthy walk off the elevator, their attention still focused on your mom’s phone. As the doors close, they still don’t seem to notice, instead they continue going up, and you’re left alone in the quiet, empty hallway.

Somewhat quiet, actually. There was loud music coming from some of the rooms you could hear from outside as you walked by. Your phone buzzed in your hand, though you aren’t bothered to check it until another staff member sees you in the hall. She goes on her phone, types rapidly on the screen, and starts walking towards you.

You walk away from her at a quickened pace, turning the corner and beginning to run. You turn the corner again, briefly glancing at the rooms as you pass by, all of them with people inside and the lights on. Except for one.

The sound of steps sounded like it grew withe presence of multiple people, so you had no time to check and instead opened the door, and to your relief, no one was inside. You shut it quietly, hiding against the wall in hopes that the crowd passes by.

The buzzing from your phone earlier was frantic texts from your mom, asking where you went and specifying that the staff was now looking for you. You replied calmly that you ‘took yourself on your own tour’ and ‘got off as a joke in hopes she would notice’. You could practically hear her sigh at her phone as she responds with ‘i’ll keep you updated’ before leaving you on read.

You slide down against the wall, sitting and observing the environment around you. This was a dance studio, one of many that looked the same as some of the others. You didn’t want to get caught, so you stayed there for a bit on your phone, caught off guard at the sound of someone opening the door.

At first you panic, thinking someone from staff found you, but it was just some guy adorned in all black with a beanie and a mask, taking both of them off and somehow not noticing you.

You spoke too soon.

the first meet.

His eyes widened at the sight of you, the door he held open by a sliver. You hear something from outside.

“Jongseob, there’s some new hire’s daughter on the loose and she was last seen on this floor, have you seen her?” A staff member asks, the boy’s head peeking back in to look at you. You frantically shake your head and gesture for him to keep his mouth shut as he peeks out the door right after.

“I haven’t seen her, sorry.”

He fully closes the door this time, a sigh of relief escaping you as your eyes stayed glued on the boy that was nice enough to not snitch. “What are you doing here?” He asks, a reasonable question since you were in the studio for a reason other than dancing. “My mom works here. She’s starting today. And… I may or may not have gotten off the elevator too early.” You try to sum it up.

“Why?”

“Um, they were distracted. And I didn’t think the door would close right after I got off.”

“How did they even let you in?”

“I might work someplace like this as a makeup artist. When I’m older. My mom brought me along for her tour, and… that’s how I ended up here. I was running away from staff. If you want, I can leave.”

“I didn’t lie just for you to get out and defeat the whole purpose of it. It’s okay, you can stay as long as you need to.”

“Really? I’m not intruding?”

“My members won’t be here for the next little while, if you’re overwhelmed by the presence of multiple men.”

His joke makes you laugh, and you inch out of the corner you’re hiding in more, seeing him walk towards you and open the laptop on the desk. “How old are you now?” He suddenly asks, a question you find odd at first.

“16.” (international age = 14, turned 15 after a few weeks)

“Really? Me too.”

“You looked a little young. Are you a trainee?”

“I actually debuted a few weeks ago. We’re doing some promotional stuff and we have practice today.”

“Do you want me to leave when they arrive?”

“You can stay for now. It’s up to the leader if he wants you in or not. I guess if you aren’t distracting, you could watch. But I gotta wait for him.”

“I’ll check you guys out sometime. All the groups are listed in the lobby, so…”

“P1Harmony. You’ll find us easily.”

Quiet clicks come from the mousepad, as you merely stare up at him, who seems to be so focused on the screen in front of him. He looks up, then looks down at you, and your observing gaze fixed on his face. He ponders, before holding his hand out. “Nice to meet you. I’m–“

“Jongseob. You’re Jongseob.”

You finish his sentence for him, leaving him visibly surprised as you shake his hand.

“Um, I heard them say your name from the hall.” You explain, him nodding. “I’m Y/N.”

“That’s a pretty name.”

You find yourself blushing. “Thank you… um, also for not snitching. I texted my mom that I was okay, so everything should be fine now.”

“That’s good. Maybe don’t get off the elevator while she’s distracted next time.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

Music starts playing from the speakers, Jongseob walking away to the center of the room to warm up. Your eyes are on him the entire time, since there was nothing else you could focus on. Even if you tried going on your phone, the music would draw your attention away from it.

You had a short attention span.

But watching Jongseob merely warm up seemed to prove otherwise. Your eyes were glued to his movements and small yet precise spotting, how precise he was when he matched every beat and transition. You stared at his reflection and his back the whole time, gaze moving to his face.

He caught you staring, looking back at you through the reflection of the mirror with a subtle smirk before going back to dancing.

He comes back to pause the music while you space out staring at the floor, as he takes off his beanie and runs his hand through his hair. “How’d I do? Seemed like I caught your attention.”

You clear your throat. “Good. Really good.”

He believes you have another reason you aren’t telling him, still deciding to sit down beside you despite doing so. “What are you doing?” You ask, looking at him. “Sitting with you. Why, does this bother you?”

“No. Just… I thought you’d be warming up more. That seemed short.”

“It seemed short because you were watching me. I was dancing for, what, a little over 10 minutes? I think I’ve warmed up enough.”

“Right.” You say, kind of understanding what he’s saying. “I like your hair. The colour is very pretty.” A light purple that could be described as lavender was what it was. It painted him as docile, gentle. He seemed to be so, given he was sitting with you like this along the side of the room.

“Thank you.” He smiles, sounding genuine. So genuine, in fact, that he smiles at you for the first time with his teeth showing, his hand covering his mouth right after. You take a mental note of that habit. “When did you start training?” You ask.

“When I was 12.” (international age = 10, turned 11 later that year due to late birthday)

“That young?! When I was 12 I was still scared of the concept of paragraphs…”

“I’ve always wanted to be a singer. Perform for others. There was a chance, so I took it.”

“I admire you for that. Taking risks that benefited you later in the future.”

“You took a risk today.”

“I did?”

“You stepped off the elevator and outran a bunch of staff successfully.”

“And I benefited from it how?”

“You met me.”

You’re unsure if he’s flirting with you, but your face heats up regardless. “Yet I’ll never see you again. But… I enjoy your company. And I appreciate your kindness.” When you look up from the ground, he’s handing you his phone, the keypad open.

“Let’s keep in touch.”

At first, you’re a little stunned at his boldness. But you accept his offer, typing in your phone number and letting him do the same with your phone right after. “I’ll try to text you back when I can. I’m pretty busy.”

“And I’ll try to not keep my phone on silent. I’ve missed so many interviews because of it…”

“For part-time jobs?” You nod. “I later learned they weren’t paying what they should be, so I guess I dodged a bullet.”

“Do you have a job now?”

“I work at a convenience store for income. My mom’s always saying I never needed to take a part-time job claiming we’re somewhat rich, but I wanted a bit of independence for myself. And I get free food and snacks sometimes, so that’s a bonus.”

“If I come visit, will I get free food?”

“Convenience store snacks are cheap enough already. Maybe I’ll give you ₩489 off.”

(₩489 = 0.50 cents)

He laughs at your offer. “I’ll take it.”

The door suddenly opens, five other men coming in all at once, stopping once they notice the two of you sitting together against the wall.

“Hello.” Jongseob greets, getting up. “Who’s that?” One of them asks, looking at you. “A… friend.” He responds.

“How did she get in here?”

“Long story.”

Their stares are reasonable, yet they make you feel uncomfortable as you feel out of place cooped up against the wall. Jongseob seemed to notice, shooting you a quick question. “Are you okay?”

The sound of his has your head turned to face him as you nod, acting like you weren’t spaced out prior. “I’m fine. This is the rest of your group?”

“Yeah. You can stay for practice if you’d like. I’ll ask Keeho.”

Surely they wouldn’t mind, you were just afraid you’d misinterpret their gazes for glares that would scare you off. “I would, but I should go. I already texted my mom earlier that I’d be leaving while she was still working. But I’ll leave. I don’t want to be… distracting.”

“You aren’t distracting at all.” He attempts to reassure you.

“Says the one who was looking at me through the mirror’s reflection.”

“Jongseob, should we warm up?” One of the boys asks, taking off their hoodie and beanie while they all simultaneously look at the two of you. That was an indirect invitation saying that they were about to start, him getting up his spot and lending you a hand to do the same.

“Thank you, Jongseob. I’ll text you.” He nods with a smile as you leave the room, your fast paced steps almost being heard from the inside of the room.

“Who was that, Jongseob?” Theo asks as the youngest walks over. “A new friend. She kinda abandoned her mom unintentionally and hid in here from the staff.”

“Oh, her. The people downstairs were talking about it.” Intak adds.

“In a good way or a bad way?”

“Mixed. How come her mom brought her here?”

“Y/N’s planning to work in the industry as a makeup artist, and her mom wanted to show her a potential place for hiring since she’s already working here.”

“She said she’d text you.” ‘What does that mean?’ Keeho meant to ask.

“I gave her my number.”

They’re all surprised, wide eyed and everything. “Really?”

“I wanna talk to her more. I think you guys scared her off.”

“We don’t look scary.” Intak looks at himself, then everybody else. Jongseob’s eyes dart over all five of them briefly. “You guys look terrifying.”

“As if you weren’t wearing the same thing when you left the apartment.” Theo sneers, looking at him weirdly. “Hey, she liked my hair and I saved her from a bunch of staff. I’m a pretty approachable person even with the coverups.”

“You approached her.” Theo retorts.

“And?”

Intak, very obviously antsy, whines. “Can we just start, please? We’ll talk about this later.” He groans in distress, convincing the rest of the boys to move on. Keeho speaks up first from the sea of silent stares.

“Let’s go, then.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

On the way home from school, you usually take the shift right after at the convenience store you worked at. It was close to home but not far from school, you managed to be on time for majority of your shifts.

Your coworker seemed to be eye candy for the girls your age that came in, but you saw him more as an older brother figure. He was super nice and always filled in for when you weren’t feeling well, and frankly, you thought it was a bit strange girls your age were pining over a man in his late 20s.

You had your fair share of attraction to more famous people that were older than you, but the fact you knew your coworker long enough to know things about him kind of made some situations awkward. Sure, he was cute, but come on. He’s practically looking for an actual job already and the fact he’s stuck with you is because he actually enjoys his part-time and you two were always only available for the same time slot every day.

You weren’t working today. You knew he was. So you assumed that it would just be a straight shot walk home.

Until you remembered you were a victim of verbal harassment.

You never did anything wrong, you were just laughed at and picked on by a specific group of girls for a reason you didn’t know. You always believed it was because you were prettier than them, given that their crushes ended up all mutually pining over you rather than them.

It’s a joke that you laugh at with them at times, yet the girls still don’t seem to like you.

At least they weren’t cutting your hair or anything. You could take words but you couldn’t take a pencil being dug into your hand.

So when you saw those girls turn the corner, you ran, fingers crossed they didn’t see you.

“Y/N, come back! We have something to tell you!”

They saw you.

With your backpack almost falling off, and the sound of rapid footsteps that sounded like they were getting closer, you spot the convenience store you worked at and run in, your coworker behind the desk and watching you hide behind the shelf closest to the wall.

At first, you’re panting, out of breath and coughing as you try to get it back.

“Y/N?”

You look up.

Jongseob is standing there, fridge door held open by his hand with a drink in the other, small clouds of steam coming from the cool air hitting the heated room. “Hi.”

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine.” You would’ve told him the truth if the story was so long. You peek up from the shelf, fully standing up when you see no one there. “Are you hiding from someone?” He asks, obviously and reasonably clueless as he lets the door close. You merely nod, seeing the girls out of the corner of your eye through the glass and ducking down again, dragging Jongseob along with you.

The bell above the door rings as shuffling can be heard going towards the counter.

“Shin-Il! We saw Y/N come in here, did you see her?” One of the girls’ ear piercing voices rings in your ears, their attempt at acting cute and desperate simply making you cringe. Luckily you told your coworker about your complicated situation with these girls. “No, sorry. She isn’t working today.”

While you’re mentally pleading that they don’t care enough to check around the store, Jongseob’s eyes stay on you and dart around just in case, being able to hear the brief conversation as he stares.

“We’re looking for her! Are you sure she isn’t in the bathroom or something?”

“She isn’t here. Maybe she went somewhere else.”

They all whine, leaving the store as you let out a sigh of relief. You look up to see Jongseob offering you a hand, which you accept, helping you up as you lean against the fridge door, in disbelief that those girls were so clueless.

“Why were they looking for you?”

“They hate me, that’s why.”

“Why would they hate you?”

“Because I’m prettier than them. Long story.”

“The boys they liked all ended up liking Y/N collectively. Friendly with the boys, tormented by the girls.” Shin-Il suddenly appears out of nowhere, handing you a small bottle of water. “Who’s this, Y/N?”

“My friend.”

“How do you two know each other?” Jongseob asks.

“We work together part-time. We always end up picking the same shifts, and I make sure she doesn’t get killed by her fellow classmates when they come to visit.”

“Are these girls really bullying you, Y/N? Have you brought it up with anyone?” Jongseob asks, the worry noticeable in his tone. “They haven’t physically harmed me. When you consider all the details, they’re just jealous.”

“I don’t know any of the details, and that’s why I’m concerned.”

“I’m fine, Jongseob, really. I think I just… need to stay in here for a while. Just in case they’re in any of the other stores.”

“I can walk home with you, if you’d like.” He starts. “Um, just in case they show up or something, I can like, cover you–“

“I’d like that.”

You cut him off with your straightforward answer, and he seemed to be content as he sends you a closed lip smile. “Are you ready to go? Do you want anything?” He asks, looking out the window just in case. “I haven’t eaten lunch today, but I don’t have enough money on me.”

“I can pay for you. Get whatever.”

“Really? But I don’t know when I’ll pay you back.”

“You don’t have to if you can’t.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Jongseob–“

“Y/N, please. It’s okay, really. If you want to stay here and eat, you can do that too. I’ll wait.”

You feel a bit guilty as you get yourself dosirak and a small container of banana milk, seated at the window seat as Jongseob pays for your food. He sits down beside you, looking at the window and staring at you through your reflection in it. “Is it okay if you can tell me why those girls don’t like you?”

You swallow. “It’s really not a big deal, Jongseob.”

“Yes, it is. I know we’ve only ever talked a few times through text, but I’m… it sounds concerning that they’re willing to chase you for a few insults.” You sigh, taking a sip of your banana milk before trying to rack together all the pieces of the story.

“Well, Shin-Il kind of explained it to you already. Those girls have a crush on some guys, and those guys, at one point, ended up liking me. Now I just make fun of them for it as an inside joke, so I’m friendly with them. They don’t like me in that way anymore. Those girls dislike me because the guys liked me instead of them. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah. That’s… stupid.”

“It is. They’re too ignorant to see that there’s really nothing there anymore. Otherwise, I feel we could be good friends. But I’m patient enough to wait until they realize their harassment was for a reason thats existence already faded away.” You continue to wolf down on your food, as hungry as you were, Jongseob merely keeping watch outside and of you. To make sure you weren’t choking, of course.

As you leave the store and your walk home begins, so does the empty feeling in the air.

“Are you sure the walk home isn’t far?” You ask. “No, I’ll be okay. It won’t be dark for a bit.”

“And… I promise I’ll pay you back, okay?”

“You really don’t have to…”

“Yes, I do. I know you’re an idol and all that, but you’re still a human with morals.”

“If you insist. But if you can’t, you don’t have to.”

“I will.”

Jongseob’s beanie hides his vibrant purple hair, and as much as you are disappointed you aren’t able to see it, you understand that it would be a dead giveaway that he was in the entertainment industry.

“I watched your show the other day.”

“Really? How did I do?”

“You were awesome! I think it’s cool that there’s an idol out there my age, and I’m friends with you, no less. You looked really good, too.”

“Thank you…” He wasn’t expecting to get so flustered over your compliments. Lucky he had no choice but to wear his mask. Jongseob watches as you bring your phone to your ear as you send a greeting over to the person on the other side of the line.

“I’m coming, I’m on my way home.”

“Yes, I’m okay. I’m with a friend right now.”

“He’s walking home after me, he’ll be okay.”

“Look, can you not be go crazy over this right now? I’ll talk to you later.”

“What do you mean ‘you want to meet him’?! You never want to meet anyone!”

“Okay, okay, fine, just stop screaming in my ear. Bye.” You end the call and let out a frustrated growl as you tighten your grip on your phone. “Everything okay?” Jongseob asks hesitantly.

“Just because I said I’m walking home with a ‘he’ my mom’s freaking out over it and now she wants to meet you.”

“I think I’ve run into your mom while at headquarters. She acknowledges me but is usually in a rush.”

“She’s usually late, that’s why. But she always gets one step ahead of her work, so she always gets excused. But seriously, is it just because you’re a guy that she wants to meet you? She didn’t ask to meet my other female friends and they just met her voluntarily while walking with me.”

“What about your dad?”

“Overseas for work. He’s coming back in a few weeks. He’s much more laid back. I think my mom is a bit… overprotective. I can understand that, but she could’ve asked me to introduce you without screaming at me…”

“Is she… abusing you?”

“God, no! It’s just one of those days, y’know? Maybe she got pissed off she stubbed her toe or something. And just because she always wants to keep watch over me, I feel like retaliating.”

“Is that why you stepped off the elevator?”

“Not really. Maybe.”

He can’t help but smile after uncovering your true motive.

As you approach the door, you have no choice but to knock given that your keys were probably buried somewhere deep in your backpack. Your mom opens the door with a relieved sigh as she opens her arms for a hug, which you reluctantly accept in front of Jongseob. “I’m so sorry for yelling at you, honey, I… I was having a bad day and I took it out on you and I was worried that–“

“Mom. It’s okay, I get it.” She smiles softly, any grudge you held against her melting away instantly. It was surprising how she was able to manipulate you so quickly. “You’re friends with Jongseob?” She asks.

“You know his name?”

“Of course I know his name, your mom works at FNC too.” She says, referring to herself in the third person. “Are you sure you can walk home alone? Isn’t it a bit far by foot?”

“I’ll be okay, ma’am.”

“I can give you a ride, it’ll be much faster.”

“My dorm isn’t too far from here and it won’t be dark for a while. Thank you for the offer.”

“Get home safe, okay?”

“I will. Bye Y/N.” He says his goodbyes as he walks away from the premises of your house, your mom letting you in and closing the door fully. “You didn’t tell me you were friends with Jongseob. I would’ve started bringing you to work after school so you don’t have to stay home alone. I could get you a pass to come in.”

“Isn’t that an abuse of your position?”

“I care about my daughter, what kind of abuse is that?”

You sigh followed by a smile as you begin to head up the stairs.

“You should’ve gotten his phone number before he left!” She yells before you disappear into your room.

“I already have it!” You yell back.

“Since when?”

You freeze, unable to think of an answer.

“Long story!”

“I have time!”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“Shin-Il!”

“Shin-Il, I got this for you!”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Shin-Il!”

You roll your eyes as the countless crowds of girls just keep coming into the store. As much as it was annoying, you were glad you basically hogged all the free time since Shin-Il just had to be at the counter to tend to the flock.

“You could be doing better things right now.” He says, turning back to look at you. “Like what?” You rhetorically ask, looking up from your phone. “Restocking the shelves, cleaning the floors, doing your homework.”

“I am a very diligent student, thank you very much.”

“You don't even go to cram school. What about your fans?”

“I already posted last week. They know how intricate the process can be.” He begins to leave when you stop talking. “Gonna use the bathroom. The minute you stand up, you’re on register duty for the rest of the shift.”

“Then I’m not gonna stand up.”

He snatches the phone out of your hand, dangling it above his head. “Hey!” You jump up, struggling to reach your phone. Curse men for being so tall. “Give it back!” He hands the phone back to you, putting a hand on your shoulder and whispering into your ear.

“Your shift begins now.”

Jerk.

“That wasn’t even fair!” Shin-Il ignores you as you hear a door from a distance shut and lock. You sigh, annoyed, shoving your phone in your pocket before briefly scanning whatever was in view in case it needed restocking.

You don’t seem to be paying attention, because by the time you blink, a person is waiting at the counter.

“I’m so sorry, I’ll take those.” You apologize, embarrassed, scanning the person’s items and bagging them for him. You’re struggling to make eye contact as the person pays you, insisting you keep the change as they walk off. “Next.” You call, the person in line putting his things on the counter.

“Did you find everything you–“ You look up to see Jongseob, an innocent, toothy smile on his face. You noticed his fang, something you couldn’t help but find charming. “Hi.”

“Hi. Slow today?”

“All the customers came for Shin-Il and that’s it. You’re the second person I’ve served today.”

“I’m honored.”

“I don’t even know where he is and why he’s taking so long in the stupid bathroom. Anyways, how come you came here? Isn’t there a place closer to your dorm?”

“I just happened to be in the area. I also wanted to see you.”

Your heart flutters at the thought, but you shove those feelings down before it can reach your head. “Really? You could’ve just went someplace closer.”

“I figured I’d come say hi. I feel like this is the only time we can see each other like this.”

“Like what?”

“Like normal teenagers with normal lives.”

He pays for his items, leaving a container of banana milk out of his grasp. “You forgot–“

“It’s for you. Take it.”

“Jongseob, how am I gonna pay you back?”

“Don’t.”

“But–“

“Shhh.” He leans in, sliding the container towards you. “Let me be nice to you, okay?” He pulls away, acting as if he wasn’t so bold a few seconds ago. “Do you want me to walk you home again? I’ll ask the guys to come find me so I won’t have to walk home alone.”

“I don’t– um... I’ll be off a bit late.”

“Which gives me more of a reason to walk with you. It’s dark and you’ll be alone.”

“You know I don’t live far.”

“And you know that this is a safer decision and you’re ultimately denying it for the sake of my safety and convenience.”

“Jongseob, your safety matters way more than mine. You’re a freaking idol, for God’s sake. And I thought you came alone, what do you mean the guys can find you?”

“We decided to go out together. We ended up splitting up to explore and look around by ourselves. I think I’m the only person that went alone."

"I can tell. Did you ask them if they wanted anything?"

"Theo and Jiung are grabbing food for later." He pauses. "My offer still stands." He reminds, persistent. You look at him, appreciating his kindness but unsure if he was willing to wait. "I don't get off until 8."

"I'll walk around after I eat. You can call me when you're done."

Though you feel a bit guilty, it really seemed like he wasn't backing down. "Sure. Thanks. You're also holding up the line." He smiles before taking his items with him as he finds a seat, you taking the banana milk and sliding it closer to you and to the side. Shin-Il finally comes back after taking who knows how long in the bathroom, eyes landing on your friend.

"He's here again. You two must be close."

"Eh... lucky circumstance. What were you even doing in the bathroom, you weirdo?"

"What else would I be doing besides use it for its intended purpose?"

"No one pisses for 5 minutes, Il. You aren't fooling anyone. Is it that girl you're talking to?"

"I am not talking to anyone."

"When those girls find out they are gonna freak."

"I was buying tickets for a thing."

"I thought all public events were closed. You aren't that slick."

"Okay, maybe it is about that girl, but we're just going somewhere, that's all. But I was buying tickets for an exhibition, she loves art."

"Aw, how cute. So when's the wedding?" You take a sip from the small container of banana milk Jongseob bought for you, noticing he isn't in his seat anymore. How did he eat so fast? "Y/N, can you do restocks? We'll make more sales if I'm at the counter."

"You aren't that handsome. The schoolgirl rush is over, no one's gonna come in."

You were wrong.

Many people came in, just not his usual audience, but at least they weren't all up on him. You could hear the compliments from the fridge, but nothing seemed to bother you or him one bit.

As you take an empty box to the back, you go to grab another one until Shin-Il stops you. "I'll take it from here. Mun-Hee clocked in early. And you have a visitor." He pats your back as you get up, seeing Jongseob waving at you with a smile, taking his phone out and showing you the screen.

"It's 8 o'clock."

At first, you're shocked by his dedication, but frantically hurry to the back to clean up and grab your things in order to not keep him waiting. When you get back, you see him talking with your coworker, and you interrupt in order to stop Shin-Il from potentially saying anything embarrassing.

"All ready? Let's go."

You both say your goodbyes as you walk out the store, Mun-Hee nudging Shin-Il in the side. "Kid's got a boyfriend now?" She asks, only receiving a shrug in return. She's content with the answer, going back to your unfinished restocking job.

"You really did mean it when you said you'd wait."

"Of course I did. Why wouldn't I?"

"Sometimes people change their minds or things happen out of their control that they just can't make it."

"I just walked around the park nearby and stuff. And– oh, I just remembered something." He stops, taking his beanie off and putting it on your head, revealing the alluring lavender that coloured his hair, something you secretly found appealing. You don't even have time to process that you were wearing the hat that covered his beautiful colour. "Jongseob, your hair. People might recognize you."

"Brought an extra. It's a bit late, so I doubt I'll get asked for a photo."

"So you planned this?"

"Whenever you send me selfie updates, you're never wearing a hat. You aren't even wearing a scarf, are you not freezing?"

"I am. I didn't think it'd get this cold, so I didn't bring one since it was warmer this morning."

"It'll always be colder at night, Y/N. You need to remember that, especially since you're working late."

"Did you even wash this?"

"Five times through the cycle. You seem to like it when we see each other, and conveniently, colder weather is approaching so I thought you should have it. You don’t have any hats at home?”

“I forgot to bring one. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. No need to pay me back, by the way.”

By the time you look back at him, his hair is covered again with another beanie, his stealthiness making you stifle a chuckle. “What?”

“I like your hair. I sometimes wish you didn’t have to hide it.”

“Well, I don’t necessarily hide it, I usually just wear hats because it’s more comfortable for me. A lot of people are dyeing their hair now, so I don’t think I’ll get recognized if I didn’t wear one.”

“How many people have you seen with purple hair in public?”

“Quite a few people, actually. So do you want me to take it off?”

“Huh? Why? Aren’t you cold?”

“At least I have a scarf. And you said you wished I didn’t have to hide it.”

“Weren’t you the one who said we shouldn’t risk anything when asking to walk me home?”

“Fair. But that’s a completely different scenario. I took a risk going down the path I’m still on today.”

“That is irrelevant.”

“Worth a shot.”

He walks with you to your door again, ringing the doorbell as you waited an unusually long time for your mom to answer.

“My mom said she could get me a card for FNC so I could stay there instead of alone at home after school. I tell her once and I’m already being pampered.” You laugh, Jongseob’s face lighting up. “Really? You should text me when you arrive! I’ll come find you, and I won’t bother if you have homework to do!”

“She hasn’t gotten it for me yet, I’m still thinking about it.”

“You should say yes so we can see each other in person more often! As long as your school isn’t far from headquarters, though.”

“We see each other when we call.”

“Seeing you like this is often just my luck. Otherwise I’m busy practicing or resting in the dorms. I like being able to talk to you in person.”

And as he smiles, that same one always on his face whenever you two seem to be together, you remember that he’s still just a kid. He’s the same age as you and he’s already in the spotlight, under the watchful eyes of so many fans through their screens.

You get to see him beyond that screen. You’ve been able to see him, meet him, know him beyond his idol persona. And he’s comfortable enough to share who he really is with you. You feel grateful for that.

The front door opens, your mom welcoming you in and noticing your friend by the door as well. “Jongseob, what a nice surprise! Such a coincidence you two ran into each other again. Thank you for walking with Y/N.”

“You’re welcome, Mrs. L/N.”

“Do you need a ride back?”

“Jongseob!” Someone calls, a group of five guys crowded outside your house, which you then identify as his group. “Let’s go, dude! Food’s gonna get cold.” Another one adds.

“I should get going. See you tomorrow, hopefully?” He asks, almost promising.

“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”

You both stand there for a moment, looking at each other as if you were anticipating something as your mom goes ahead inside, the door still open. He suddenly steps forward and wraps his arms around you, one of his hands resting on top of your head.

You’re surprised, but return the hug carefully before he pulls away, sending you a small wave as he goes to join his group in departing.

Jongseob feels an elephant in the room as he walks with them, Theo carrying on a conversation that didn’t seem to make the vibe go away. It doesn’t seem to until they all got back to the dorm, when they started eating.

“That’s a different hat. What happened to the other one?” Intak asks rhetorically. “Y/N had it.” Soul answers nonchalantly, not seeming to understand the sarcasm behind it. “I gave it to her. She was cold.”

“Is she borrowing it?” Jiung asks. “I gave it to her. It’s hers now.” Jongseob reiterates, his point clarified.

“How does Soul know her name and we don’t?” Keeho asks, mouth full. “I talk to her all the time, do you not hear?” Everyone but Soul shakes their head. “She’s nice.” Soul adds.

“Hopefully she can come after school tomorrow. Her mom is trying to get her admission in so she doesn’t have to stay at home.”

“You met her mom?” Intak asks, Jongseob nodding. “I run into her in the halls, sometimes in the elevator.”

“What was the hug for? I swore she looked like she could’ve fallen asleep in your arms.” Theo asks, pointing out something that had Jongseob questioning.

“I… I don’t know.”

his first crush.

“I was feeling nice, I guess. It was cold. She looked cold.”

Jongseob didn’t really have a reason. He couldn’t think of why he left you off with a hug that night. The question kept him up all night.

Along with the speed of his racing heart.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

seob

seobie

jongseob

hi sorry

whats up?

my mom is looking for you what dance room are you in

why is she looking for me?

has to give you something? idk she told me to ask

okay im in 205

thanks

Jongseob puts his phone down and goes back to warming up, taking off his hat and focusing on himself. More specifically, his hair.

‘I really like your hair. I sometimes wish you didn’t have to hide it.’

Why couldn’t he get that out of his head?

As the song begins to end, he hears a knock on the door, finishing off and pausing the music before answering. He opens the door to reveal you, still in your school uniform.

“Hi!” You greet. At first, he’s stunned. You’re really here, and you’re really visiting him. “I got a card from the front desk.” He’s still standing there, jaw slack, staring at you in disbelief. All of a sudden, he’s hugging you, hiding your face in his shoulder as he looks up to check the halls, guiding you in and closing the door.

“Don’t want them to see you. But hi.” He mutters, clearing his throat after pulling away.

“They know I’m here. Have you warmed up yet? Are the rest of them coming?”

“Not for a while. I think I’ll take a break–“

“You dyed your hair!”

He freezes as your hand goes up to touch it. His color changed from lavender to a deep, light red. “Yeah. Do you like it?”

“It looks really good on you.”

“Do you prefer this or the purple?”

“Honestly, you look good with any color.” You sit down on the ground, opening your backpack but pausing before going any further. “Can I do my homework? I have one question left and it’s super easy.”

“Go ahead.”

Jongseob can’t help but focus on you the whole time, when you take your papers and pencils out, when you read through the worksheet, when you begin to write, so concentrated in the moment. He finds himself staring, and you do too.

“All done.” You look up to see him returning your gaze, something there when your eyes meet. “What was so interesting about me and my schoolwork?”

“Huh?”

“You were staring at me.”

He flushes, shaking his head and denying immediately. “No! I wasn’t!”

“Come on, you can admit it. You think I’m pretty.”

“I–“

“I think you’re pretty.”

You cut him off, answering with no shame and an innocent smile on your face. He can’t help but think you mean more than you really do. “You do?”

“Oh, I do. Your hair, your face, your style. It all compliments so well. Take it from me, I’m an artist.”

He thinks to himself as you await his answer. “I think you’re pretty too.”

“Really?”

“Really pretty.”

You both have the same kind of war going on in your head. You wish the other really meant it, but something was holding you back from believing they did. To outsiders, you looked like two people in love. In your head, you were hoping he really meant what he was saying.

“I, um, hope you don’t mind if I stay in for practice. And I do want to talk to you before your members get here.” You try to divert the conversation with the atmosphere telling you closure was needed. “Yeah, we’re working on our comeback actually, so…” He holds out his pinkie.

“You have to promise not to tell anyone. Not a peep.”

You lock your own with his. “Promise.” You both giggle at the gesture as your fingers pull away. “I know this is gonna sound like a really stupid, cheesy question, but do you mean it?”

The way you start off catches his attention. “Do I mean what?”

“When you said I was pretty.”

He’s stunned, stuck in place as he stares at you while forgetting to answer. “I know we’re still young, but I’ve had my heart toyed with before. And all he did was laugh.” You scooted closer to him. “So what I’m asking is, ‘seob, do you really think I’m pretty? Or are you just being nice?”

“What answer are you hoping to hear?”

“That you do. That you mean everything you’ve ever said to me.”

He’s frozen, all he can do is stare into your eyes as you await a response. “Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes, I do mean it. You, Y/N, are one very pretty girl.”

“How many pretty girls do you see while out for work?”

“Many. None of them are as pretty as you.”

her first crush.

You know you’re the one that instigated this conversation, but still, you can’t help but blush at his response. “You’re all red.” He points out. “Do my words really mean that much to you?”

“All I wanted was closure.”

The door opens, Jongseob patting your head and joining the rest of the guys as if he didn’t just have you melting a few seconds ago.

You sat in the corner of the practice room, your face still hot, and your eyes focused on Jongseob the entire time.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

i want you to come visit but my mom isnt letting any visitors in the house

how come?

apparently we’re having a dinner party here in a few days or something? idk shes trying to keep it clean beforehand cuz my dad is finally coming back from his trip

he’s been overseas for how long??

a few months now, some promotion that he got resulted in him staying longer

oh wow

well you could come over to my dorm

actually?

i gotta ask the guys first

oh if u have to ask then its okay maybe next time

they said yes

i hear them cleaning up

what

are you coming or not

omw

You knock on their door, and when no one responds, you call Jongseob, and it suddenly opens to reveal sight of him holding the phone up to his ear.

“You have… a lot of stuff.” He points out, eyeing the large bag you’re carrying. “Are you sleeping over or something?”

“I actually… if it’s okay with you… wanted to do your makeup. I know you’ve been saying how much you want to try it and stuff and I figured we could do it if I saw you today but I forgot to ask–“

“Absolutely. Yes, please, come in, no one’s in my room. ‘Cause… I share a room, and, Jiung’s out and the rest are watching a movie.”

“I get it. I get your whole rooming thing. Am I gonna be in trouble for being here?”

“Not if you don’t get caught.”

“How mischievous of you. If you were to ever get into a scandal with me, would you care?”

“Oh, I wouldn’t mind that at all.”

You laugh it off as if your face wasn’t on fire, closing the door to his shared room.

“Ew, are they gonna make out in there?” Intak says in disgust with fake repulsion. “Just because Jongseob can get a girlfriend and you can’t is not a valid reason to be petty.” Keeho holds back his laugh. “Theo– you can’t say that! That is not funny!”

“Then why are you laughing?”

“…watch the movie.”

Meanwhile, in Jongseob’s room, you finish off his base, tapping brushes against palettes before gently stroking the pigments against his face. His eyes, specifically. The medium shade brought out the orange in his hair, but really, you’ve been wanting to try out a specific look for a while.

“Keep your eyes closed.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Don’t call me that.”

“Why?”

“Makes me feel old.”

“You’re older than me.”

“I’m the same age as you. Now hush.”

He blows a raspberry as you do his eyeliner, a miracle it didn’t smudge or that you didn’t mess up in any way. It was almost adorable how eagerly he nodded when you showed him your container of extra rhinestones.

You hand him a mirror, putting your extra equipment away before finding a tube of lipstick. “Wow.” is all he says until he puts the mirror down and sees you putting on said lipstick. “Oh, you were actually gonna… do that part?”

“Oh, no. I was just swatching. It’s a pretty shade, don’t you think?” Your lips are painted with a vibrant shade of red, bold and eye-catching as you turned to face your friend who’s struggling to keep his jaw from hanging. “Yeah. Really… bright.”

“Well, you know my style. Bold and bright. I decided to… take a break for a change. And I took it out on you.”

“You call this a break? I look fabulous.”

“It’s the rhinestone effect. But yes, this is a break since I only do my face most of the time. And the colours are neutral, but defined. Makeup therapy for me is a total stress reliever, but obviously my face can’t handle powders daily. And… I really needed this, especially after this week.”

“Exams?”

“I took them already.”

“This early?”

“I’m taking AP classes since I don’t do cram school. My school is aware, and honestly, surprised at my career choice. Peer pressure is getting to me more than it should.”

“I hope you don’t feel guilty about this in any way. You’re so talented.”

“My only talent is this. Maybe I’ll work behind the scenes in the entertainment industry all my life. And… there’s something else I need to tell you.”

“What is it?”

You exhale. “I got the job.”

“The job?”

“I’m your travelling makeup artist. I’ll be going with you for future tours and everything.”

He can’t stop his jaw from dropping now. “No way. You’re serious?” He asks, watching you nod eagerly as a big smile grows on his face, going in for a hug which you tightly return. “Y/N– that’s amazing! Does this mean I’ll get to see you every day?”

You nod. “It’s why I’m taking AP. Maybe I’ll switch next year, but I’m exempt from classes because of my success.”

“Wow, so privileged.”

“I’m just good at my job.”

You hear him chuckle, his eyes focused on you and that damn red lip. “I’m proud of you. I’m so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” You stifle a laugh. “I’m sorry, it’s just hard to take you seriously with the makeup.”

“You’re the one that did it!”

“You’re never in my style, and it’s over the top!”

The door opens and you immediately pull away from Jongseob, taking out cleansing products after sorting everything else in your bag. Theo stands there, still, staring at your friend all glammed up.

“How do I look?” Jongseob asks with dramatic poses to show off his makeup, Theo taking out his phone and taking pictures of him silently. “You did this?” He asks you, pointing at the boy that had your heart racing. “Did I do good?”

“He looks great. You should come out and show the guys.”

“I don’t wanna watch the movie out there though.”

“You can go back in here and continue making out with Y/N or whatever it is that you were doing in here in the first place.”

“I was not– hey!” Theo’s dragging Jongseob out of the room by his wrist, unable to keep his grip on the doorframe as you hear him groan. You can all hear the guys gushing over Jongseob’s face from the room, poking jokes at him and teasing him.

“Is that lipstick? Did she kiss you?!”

“No, no, nothing like that! She was swatching and it must’ve smudged on me…”

“I thought you two were kissing when I walked in.”

“We hugged.”

“Sure.” One of them snarkily replies.

“I’m gonna tell you who dies if you don’t stop talking.” You hear Jongseob threaten, referring to the movie that was currently on pause in the living room.

“No!”

He silently comes back to the room, seeing you sitting there, cleansers still out as he shuts the door. “Is there really lipstick on me?” He asks, turning his head so you could see all angles of his face. “Oh, right there. How did I not notice that?” You get up with a makeup wipe, swiping it gently against the mark until is goes away.

It was only until you moved away that you noticed how close you were, and that he notice something missing. “You wiped off your lipstick already?”

“I told you I was swatching. I took photos.” ‘And I could see the way you looked at me.’ You thought. “I’d like to post them, but you’re an idol and all, so…”

“A shame, really. Do you wanna eat? Jiung got some takeout, and I don’t wanna take off your hard work for a little while.”

“Sure, but don’t expect me to take you seriously while you’re all glammed up.”

“You did this to me!”

“We are not having this conversation again.”

his first love, where he can’t imagine being with anybody else but you.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

Jongseob’s met a lot of pretty girls. As an idol, it’s only natural he has to work with them, be in the same premise as them. Yet he can never see anything more to them because they aren’t like you.

Your snarky replies, your teasing, your genuine questions and need for reassurance, your automatic response to rely on him, contact him whenever you’re feeling overwhelmed. Maybe it was because he’s spent so much time with you that he built this connection, but he learned that no one else could replicate this feeling he was so comfortable with.

This feeling that he only felt with you.

His members teased him mercilessly, especially on your first day on the job. You were assigned to him and specifically him (according to a colleague, he requested you), and every time anyone of his fellow group saw you working so close with him, they’d start laughing.

Jiung and Intak would take Jongseob’s phone from him if they were to ever find him on call with you. Keeho would give him those looks whenever he saw him smiling at his screen, and on his screen was you. Theo and Soul… they left him alone for the most part. They’d say hello and you guys would chat, but of course, Theo with his natural older brother energy, would occasionally tease him about it, usually through complaints.

“Jongseob, can you stop talking to your girlfriend and go to sleep? We have practice tomorrow.”

“Geez, you wanted her to swatch on you, didn’t you?”

“Watch where you’re going with that! I know you’re practically in love with her, but you should still pay attention to your surroundings!”

Soul simply encouraged the idea of you two together.

“She really likes you, I can tell.”

“Will you be out of the dorm more often when you two start dating?”

“You got her a ring? When is the wedding?”

And all Jongseob really wanted was to figure out if you really did like him or not. Because he felt like he could never experience such euphoria with anyone other than you.

He was only 18, why did he seem so sure about this? His mind was certainly older.

The door to the studio opens, and you enter, dropping your school bag onto the floor and looking absolutely spent.

“Are you okay?” He asks as you walk over, head in his chest. “Not even a hello?” You joke, looking up at him. “Tired. Long day. School’s a real pain in the ass when you have things to do outside of it. You’re lucky you’re busy enough that you don’t have to go.”

“Sometimes I wish I could. I’d enroll at your school and take all the classes with you so I’m not alone. Speaking of school, what happened to those girls who chased you?”

“Oh, them?” You laugh. “We’re cool now. One of them apologized to me. The rest followed. It took one longer than the rest to muster up the courage. They thought I hated them which is why they couldn’t talk about it in the first place, which is understandable.”

“Did you forgive them?”

“Not right away. I accepted their apology, but I’ll talk to tomorrow. It’s a little bit scary leaving work in fear of being chased and they kinda ignited that in me. I could never hate them, though. Maybe that’s a lie, but I guess when I thought I hated them, I was just afraid.”

“You’re so insightful it’s honestly attractive.” You look at him, amused. “Are you flirting with me, Jongseob?”

“Oh, I’m just being honest.”

“Sure. Your birthday just passed and your ego is suddenly through the roof.”

“Well, I am Kim Jongseob, so maybe my ego should’ve been through the roof a while ago.”

“Now you’re just sounding arrogant.”

“I’m just better.” You roll your eyes, looking at the computer in the corner of the room on the counter. “Can I change the music?” You ask, watching him walk over and open the right tab for you. You change the keyboard language to English, searching up a name so fast he doesn’t comprehend that the music already started. You walk away as he stays and reads the name off the screen.

Clementine – grentperez

He looks at you, who happened to already be waiting for him in the center of the room. He walks over, spinning you around and catching you, visibly surprised when the singing begins. “It’s in English?”

“Mhm.”

“Can you understand it?”

“A little bit. Otherwise, I like how it sounds. Can you understand it?”

“I’ve been getting better… at least I try to. It sounds good.”

“I should send you more of his works. I think you’d like those too.” You feel his arms wrap around your waist, pulling you close enough into a hug. “Is this okay?” He feels you nod against his chest, your arms wrapping up and around his neck as the two of you simply sway to the music that filled the room.

To be in Jongseob’s arms, your best friend’s arms, like this was something you didn’t know you wanted to experience for as long as you could. This felt intimate, feeling closer with him like this more than any other hug you’ve shared.

You two probably looked like idiots to anyone that would walk in, but it was just the two of you, and all you could think about was how comfortable it was in each other’s arms.

There’s a spark. A spark that turns into a growing flame when your eyes meet. A flame that you wanted to keep ablaze but was on the edge of extinguishing. “You… you look really pretty.” He suddenly stutters, the flame growing a little bit more. “Thank you.”

“I really want to kiss you. Really, really bad.”

His abruptness catches you off guard, and it’s almost funny how the song began to near its climax.

“I’m sorry, was that too forward? Forget I said–“

“No one’s stopping you.”

It’s so cliche how the song reached its peak when his lips are on yours. You both were young, yet your minds were older. To kiss someone at such a moment for the first time in your life only made you fall in love with him even more, and really, you never thought you’d experience it so soon. With an idol, no less.

“Kim Jongseob!”

The sound of his name makes both of you pull away and look at the door, Intak, Jiung, and Theo standing there like they’ve seen a ghost. “What the hell are you doing?!” Intak exclaims, probably more aggressive than he meant to.

You both stand there, dumbfounded, and it wasn’t until you were back in your head that you both decide to separate from each other instantly. They looked angry. They probably didn’t feel that way, but in the moment, you felt humiliated. One second later, your face is hidden in his chest again, feeling his other hand on your back.

“I’m sorry.” You mutter against him, his hand patting your back reassuringly. “No, there’s nothing for you to be sorry about.”

“Don’t you feel the slightest bit embarrassed? Your friends just walked in on us kissing.”

“Oh, I do, absolutely. They’ll never let me hear the end of it.” You look up at him, and he’s smiling. “Then why don’t you seem that way?”

“Because I was kissing you.” Your heart beats faster than it ever has before when you’re with him. “You’re the only girl they’d want to see me kiss in the first place. Lucky for you, you’re the only girl I’ll ever wanna kiss in my whole life.”

“Since when did you get so romantic?”

“Since the day I met you in this very studio.”

Your worries suddenly melt away at his words, further assured he feels the same way you do.

“I really don’t mean to interrupt this very sentimental moment, but we have practice, so can you guys hurry it up a little bit?” Intak speaks up, appearing behind Jongseob out of nowhere. You pull away, going to get your things in the corner of the room, realizing he was following you. “You’re not gonna stay?” He asks, holding onto your hand.

“I have schoolwork to do, ‘Seob. And I need to talk to my coworkers at my part-time.” He pouts. “I know there’s so much more we need to talk about, but I’m eating into your practice time right now. I’ll call you, okay? We see each other tomorrow. Promise.” You squeeze his hand, feeling his other hand on top of yours.

“I thought you already quit that job.”

“They’re still my friends. I check in with them from time to time.” He sighs. “Goodnight, Y/N.” He kisses your forehead before letting you go.

Once you’re out of sight of the doorway, you can’t help but giggle and jump around out of pure excitement. You catch sight of Keeho and Soul in the hallway, greeting them briefly. “What’s got you so excited?” Keeho asks.

“He kissed me.” You watch his expression change to match yours, jumping around with you in the middle of the hallway. “No way! Are you serious?”

“The rest of them walked in on us…”

“I’ve literally been waiting for months for him to make a move and the one time I decide to leave later– ugh, I’m so happy for both of you!”

“And then he…” You point to your forehead. “He…” Keeho puckers his lips while you nod, the both of you proceeding to squeal almost too loud in the hallway. “Girl, please, you two are literally so freaking cute, you need to tell me more!”

“I really need to leave, I’m sorry!”

“It’s okay, we’ll see you tomorrow!”

You’re on your way to the convenience store, relieved to see both Mun-Hee and Shin-Il behind the counter, both of them equally shocked to see you there. “Y/N! I thought you were working.” Shin-Il says.

“I need to tell you guys something. Can I still come back here?”

“No. But you used to work here, so whatever.” An indirect invitation to come behind the counter given by Mun-Hee. “Judging from the look on your face, you either made progress with Jongseob or made out with Jongseob.” She adds.

“I kissed him, thank you very much.”

“Oh, shit.” She curses. “And he did it first?” You nod. “Damn, girl! He’s really down bad for you!”

“Is he your boyfriend now? He should be.” Shin-Il asks. “We didn’t have time to talk about it… he’s in a dance practice right now and I promised I’d call him.”

“Honey, no. This is the kind of thing you talk about in person. If he’s really dedicated and really loves you, he’d tell you. But with the amount of times you’ve breached health protocols with something to say about him, I think he really does love you in that way. But still, call him later. You promised.”

“You give all this advice as if you’ve ever been in an actual relationship.” Shin-Il jokes, resulting in a death glare from the most helpful former coworker in the moment. “Listen to her, not me.”

“Obviously.”

The welcoming bell chimes as someone enters, coming to the counter as quick as they came in. Mun-Hee looks in awe at the person as he stops at the counter, face lighting up. “We still on for tonight?” He hands her two 5000 won bills.

“Mhm.” She says in the most obvious lovesick tone, sliding the man’s items back towards him as she gives him his change. “I’ll see you later, Mun.”

You hold back a laugh at the nickname, glancing between her and the man as he leaves the store.“Who even is that guy?”

“They’ve been hooking up but then they actually started liking each other for more than the sex. Total K-drama material.”

“She did not need to know that!”

“If she can tell us about her love life, I can tell her about yours.”

“This is something entirely different! And what about you? Does she know that your little girlfriend calls you Shinnie now?”

You can’t hold back your laughter. “Pfft– Shinnie!? You guys are so corny!”

“Don’t you call your boyfriend ‘Seob’?” Shin-Il retorts. “Okay, but that’s just his name shortened. At least she didn’t add or double anything to it.” Mun-Hee reasons, receiving an eye roll from her coworker.

“I can’t believe we’re all in relationships now.” She adds. “I can’t believe you’re in a relationship! You’re so grouchy all the time, it’s hard to believe anyone would love that. You too, Y/N! You’re only 18 and you already kissed someone.”

“You still haven’t kissed anyone at your old age?!” You exclaim.

Mun-Hee sighs. “Can you tell it’s been rough without you here?”

“Definitely.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

“So does my dad approve?”

You ask as Jongseob enters your bedroom, shutting the door gently before sitting across from you on your bed. “Of course he approved, I’m Kim Jongseob.”

Your dad had to go on another trip, which was prolonged, right after his first one due to a promotion offer that was promised if he continued to work efficiently overseas for a little longer. He got the promotion. He didn’t come back until mid-2021, and you didn’t tell him about your little relationship until today.

“I bet he’s pissed at me. I swore I meant to tell him, I just forgot.”

“He isn’t. He’s just… very surprised.”

“Understandable. I may or may not have rambled to him about you.”

“Did you say anything embarrassing?”

“No.”

“Then what did you say?”

“He asked me what I loved about you. It’s a long list.”

“We have time.”

He chuckles. “Okay, well, I said I love that you’re such a hard worker, and how devoted you are to anything that you do, how you never settle for less. How there’s a sparkle in your eye only I’m able to see when you get excited. How beautiful you are when you’re at your happiest, when you’re doing something that brings you comfort. Should I keep going?”

You’re too flustered to answer his question. “What did he say?”

“‘When’s the wedding?’”

You hit him playfully, hiding your face in the side of his arm, embarrassed that your face was so warm from something so simple. “You really noticed all of those little things?”

“Of course I did, you’re my girlfriend.”

You wanted to kiss him so bad in that moment, being interrupted by your mom barging in the room. She simply stares at both of you. “You’re nearly 19, I expect you to know what we don’t wanna hear in this house.” She closes the door, Jongseob getting up to lock it this time.

“My mom’s gonna get so suspicious next time she tries to open the door.”

“Valid. But we know our boundaries, don’t we?”

You fulfill what you imagined in your head, kissing him briefly and pulling away when you feel his hand tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear.

“Wanna know something?” He mutters.

“What?”

“I don’t think I could ever love someone else the same way I love you.”

“Is that so?”

“Honey, I admire you. You’re amazing.”

“Speak for yourself, mister. So talented and famous for it. I think we’ve been keeping these words bottled up for years when we were just friends.”

“Mhm. There’s so much more I wanna say.”

“We have time.”

“It’ll take all week.”

“I have all the time in the world when I’m with you.”

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

🐺: guys where is jongseob

🐶: is he not at y/n’s house??

🐺: we have a shoot tomorrow why is he at y/n’s house

🐿️: the shoot is next week are u dumb

🐺: damn bro mb

☀️: they’re gonna get married someday i just know it

🍟: he wanted her ring size (о´∀`о)

🐺: why is he there anyway??

☀️: he went to meet her dad

🐿️: OKAY JONGSEOB I SEE U MEETING THE FAMILY

🐯: are you guys talking bad about me

🐶: nah we’re just thinking about what kind of ring ur gonna get her

🐯: im still 18 calm down 💀 y/n’s dad said the same thing

☀️: even mr. l/n agrees

🍟: how is y/n?

🐯: she’s good, i actually might stay over tonight

🐺: WHAT

🐶: on a weekday is crazy

☀️: why arent u coming home?

🐯: she fell asleep on me i dont wanna wake her up

🐿️: do you have clothes?

🐯: 👍

🐶: bro is prepared he predicted this

🍟: say hi to her for me!!!!

🐯: alr goodnight guys im lowkey tired

🐺: jongseob sleeping early? thats new

🐯: i hope you have nightmares

and if you’re fadin’, then honey i’ll be fadin’ too. darling, i don’t even know who i am without you. 🎧

[hrtsdollie]

THE LETTER - M. STURNIOLO (matthew sturniolo x reader)

pt1

warnings; no use of y/n , none this is simply a letter from a grieving girl to her boyfriend who has passed , it’s super short though!

major warning; this is a super rough topic to write about, if you don’t like the idea of reading something where matt passes, then please do not continue reading. this is purely fiction, and in no way, shape, or form am i trying to spread misinformation and claim that matt is seriously dead. this is just a thought i had (about readers grieving process and sort of the reaction). if you don’t like it, don’t read it. if i receive hate from this, anons and comments will be turned off. - xoxo emmy.

dear matthew, 

the weeks following your death were worse than anything. media was awful. and normally when people got under my skin like this, you would help me. but now.. its the posts about you that were bothering me. you really can’t help me now. i never realized how insensitive this fanbase was. some comments and memorial videos are sweet, most are not. i miss you matt. i lay in your bed and i cry. i cry? is this what you would’ve wanted for me matty? to spend my days crying? i dont care, i miss you.

wails can be heard all throughout the our house. we’ve left boston. nick and chris and me. not you. i want to move down there. i want to visit you whenever i would like to. but your mom says you’ll always be with me. chris stays in nick’s room. his cover has been broken down and he’s starting the grieving process. im proud of him. i know nick  feels it too, but chris needs him.

our friends have all come to visit us. the fridge is stocked with casseroles and drinks that we probably won’t ever get to. nearly every surface is covered with flowers. your friends loved you more than anything. everyone did. but nobody is grieving like nick and chris and me. that’s all it is now. just nick and chris and me. the flowers and the food are too much. 

it’s almost like the house is aware of your absence. our bathroom flooded, chris nearly burned the kitchen down by using the toaster, and it’s like the ninth time i have slipped walking up the stairs. my sweet boy is gone, and all shit is hitting the fan. come back to me, matty. i love you.

your silk sheets still smell like you, along with every hoodie. your pink hershey shirt is worn by the pink bunny you had bought me for valentines day. i have all of the bunny stuffed animals gifted to me by you just sitting in your room. i miss when i was your bunny. i miss the feeling i got in my stomach the first time you called me that. i would do anything to hear it come from your mouth just once more. 

i feel guilty, like maybe it should’ve been me in the car. but your brothers have told me several times it wasn’t my fault. i can’t keep myself from holding some resentment towards nick and chris. what if it’d been them? i know that isn’t any better, but seeing them everyday hurts me so bad. it’s as if the ghost of you, my highschool sweetheart, simply floats through the halls, but it’s only your brothers. chris shaved his beard, he’d let it grow out after you died. he looks less like you do — well, did now. it hurts a little less, but it’ll never not hurt to see them, or at least that’s what marylou told me. 

i call marylou everyday. it’s nice to hear her voice. she’s hanging on and trying to work through this, at least from what i can tell. i think i’ve sent you too many voicemails these past few weeks because your inbox is full. maybe i wasn’t the only one who simply wanted to talk again. i feel bad sending you messages everyday. so that’s why im writing this for you. you deserve to have an update, you always were nosy. and so so sassy. i miss your “mattitude”. if you were here i would let you be sassy, and make stank faces at me all you want.

i hope all the pain you ever felt is gone now matty. and i hope this letter finds you well. i will continue to write this until i see you again. someday. not now, and not soon. but someday. 

love, bunny ᡣ𐭩 

divs by @/anitalenia

open to possibly writing pt3 on this one because i have an idea but that would be the last part! feedback is so heavily encouraged (be kind, i am just a girl 😓).

tags: @lypsiiii

[bratphilia]

I was talking about the step-father one! I honestly don’t have many ideas. except for maybe, if he lets his William side come out. so either a boy that the reader was talking to “goes missing” or hell, maybe even reader’s mom if she starts to get in the way?

ofc reader wouldn’t know who did it or anything, as William is careful with his killings. but yeah those are just ideas!! you don’t have to do them, just throwing them out there

taboo, pt. 2: blood on the tires (w. afton x reader)

note: here it is!! just decided to follow your first idea bc i dont know if yall wanna see your mom... well... so here we are.

pairing: steve raglan / william afton x reader

tags: murder, stalking, spanking, 69 position, overstimulation, daddy kink

taglist: @iikyutee

"mmmmph!" you moan against steve's hand. it's slapped over your mouth to drown out any noises you make. for extra precautions, there's also a blanket covering the crack of the bottom of your door to ensure no noises escape the room.

steve is pounding into you. one of your legs is slung over his shoulder. it's like clockwork at this point. your mom is on the phone with her friend, so steve slipped into your room and pounded the living day lights out of you.

simple. 

when it's over and he's buckling his belt, you reach for your phone, suddenly engrossed in typing something. "who are you texting?" he asks in a genuinely playful tone.

"oh, just kai," you say mindlessly like you're supposed to know who you're talking about. 

"kai," he repeats. who the fuck is kai? something in his gut churns. he doesn't like it. he's never heard of him until now. "where did you meet him?"

your eyes never leave your phone. your lips quirk up slightly when a responding notification sounds. "he was my lab partner in bio-chem. asked for my number afterwards."

oh. so he's interested in you, is steve's takeaway. but he clenches his jaw and says nothing. instead he changes the subject:

"what do you want for dinner? or should we just order out?"

you both decided on ordering out, your mom wanted to make food, but two versus one, right? throughout dinner, steve is dead silent. his eyes stay on his plate. you and your mom are passively arguing about something, but all he hears is white noise. kai. he hasn't felt this blinded by rage since, well, he was still william. 

a chicken is trying to get in his coop. it wakes up the william side of him. and steve — william — hates it.

suddenly the sound of the kitchen table banging snaps him away from his thoughts. you're getting up, tears in your eyes. "fuck you!" you scream at your mom and stomp upstairs.

mom turns to steve for support. "she's just so immature."

"i agree, honey," he muses. 

but don't worry, he'll be there to pick up the pieces later, when mom's asleep and when you should be too. but you're waiting for him to sneak in your room. you always are. his darling girl. 

you wake up the next day, hoping to feel steve's arms wrapped around you and his face buried in the crook in your neck, just like the position the two of you are always in after another one of your midnight sessions. but he's not there. you never got used to his abandonment of you, but you're forced to understand why. 

you don't come out of your room the next day. you can't face your mother and her fake apologies. you feel sick to your stomach with hunger, but you just stare at the wall and wait for steve to come back. part of your arrangement is an unspoken truce; a mutual understanding that the two of you are in each other's corner, as cheesy as that sounds.

steve does come back, but it's around one in the morning. he comes in, positive you're awake — because of the sound of music coming from your laptop — only to find you sound asleep. then he notices something.

your phone. he remembers last night. 

steve scrolls through your text messages with kai. he invited you to go to the movies and then his house to study — probably where a disgusting man-child like him would try to put his hands on you — but much to steve's dismay, he said he would give you his address during class tomorrow. 

fuck. steve would have to wait to strike until after your class tomorrow, meaning he'd have to find a way to take you so he knows where to go. he can manage that.

everything goes according to plan. he's able to convince you let him take you to school, despite the suspicious quirk of your brow. he doesn't leave the campus. instead, how does he pass his time? well, let's just say he uses some of the pictures he's taken of your naked, post-sex body, are put into good use. 

he's parked from an angle so that he can get a good look at the students that come rolling out of the building and to the parking lot. 

steve spots you as you walk out of classroom, talking with a boy that he recognizes from the photo you set as kai's profile picture. as the two of you part ways, you head to the parking lot where you thought steve would be waiting to pick you up at. instead, steve drives around, following kai's trail until he's alone. 

it's just too easy. as kai is walking across the street, steve simply revs his engine and speeds forward, slamming the poor bastard's body against the front of his car. and then, for good measure, he backs up, feeling the tires elevate as the run over his body. steve just can't contain his smile. 

he pulls back up to your meeting spot to find you sitting on a bench on your phone. a sick part of him hopes you're trying to reach kai. steve honks the horn, grabbing your attention. you climb into the car and inquire, "what's wrong with the front of your car?"

"drove into some mud awhile back."

thankfully, you drop it, engrossed in your phone once more. once you're back home, mom's at work, meaning the two of you have time to do whatever you want until she comes home. the both of you decide on watching a movie that ends with his body on top of yours, slamming his hips into you while you practically scream.

steve is glad things worked out this way.

the day that you were planning on going to the movies with kai approaches and steve can barely contain his excitement. he has plans for how he'll handle your disappointment when you come home. 

it's been about two hours since you left. steve can only imagine you waiting at the mall growing more and more impatient as the time goes by. when he hears the telltale sound of the door slamming and a loud slam, he smiles knowingly. 

"what's wrong, honey?" he calls, approaching you from the kitchen.

immediately, you look tearful. "he stood me up..."

"who did?"

"kai!" you shout, louder than intended. 

oh, so you want to act like a brat, do you? he fakes an angry look. "don't use that tone with me." this should be good. 

a tear slips down your cheek and you wipe it with the back of your hand. "'m sorry. just upset."

"you're sorry, what?" 

you practically perk up. you know damn well what's coming next, too. "i'm sorry, daddy." 

steve smiles — smirks, actually, and saunters towards you. he lifts you chin to look at him with one hand and the other is put on your shoulder. "you don't need to mess with boys like kai when you have a man like me in your life."

you nod slowly. he's right after all. all steve had to do was eliminate the option for you to make the right decision. 

then he drops his hands, looking at you with authority and pulls you into the room that your mom and him sleep in. "you do know what happens to brats, right?"

"but daddy, i was just —"

"none of that," he scolds you and moves to sit at the end of the bed. "bend over my lap."

blood rushes to your face. he's going to punish you like a child, and for some reason, it increases the heat already pooling in your stomach. you promptly slip out of your leggings and do what he says, embarrassed. he has you so your ass is in the air.

steve smooths over the soft skin and pulls and tugs at your thong, letting it snap against your skin and earning a jolt from you. "did you wear these for him."

"no daddy," you whine. "only you."

"good girl," he praises, but he doesn't quite believe you.

he starts delivering smacks to your ass, causing high pitched whines to tumble from your mouth uncontrollably. the blows are inconsistent both in speed in between slaps and harshness, always keeping you on the edge for what happens next. he spanks you fifteen times (he made you count and thank him after each one) until he decides you've had enough.

he pulls your underwear to the side and dips a finger inside your wet pussy. "poor baby, so needy for daddy," he coos.

"yes," you moan, wriggling against him.

he situates you so that you're upright on his lap. you cock your head curiously. "i want to try a new position. want you to suck my cock while i eat your pussy." you rub your thighs together in anticipation. it's a position you've only seen in porn, so this was exciting to you.

steve sheds the rest of his clothes off and lays on the bed, beckoning for you to lay on top of him. once again, the lewd position makes you blush. you cage his neck with your thighs and face his cock. you make the first move, licking up and down the shaft. you give a guttural moan when a swipes a long lick up your center. you can't help but pull your mouth off and stare back at him.

"keep goin,' baby," he gruffly tells you and you try your best to continue.

it's proven much more easy for steve to eat you out than it is for you to suck his dick. he seems completely unshaken to your ministrations, leaving you confused if this is even pleasurable for him at all, meanwhile you're trying your hardest to keep yourself together as he eats you out.

steve smothers his face into your cunt, moaning like it's more arousing than you sucking him off. one particularly harsh suck on your clit has you gushing on his face. it doesn't matter if you've come already, he just keeps going. you try your best to keep a pace of stroking him while sucking on the tip but it just ends with you only being able to kitten lick all around him.

he shakes his head into your pussy, giving you a nice feel of his beard, and you're close again. "ah! steve!" you cry.

then he stops. "what's my name, baby girl?"

"d-daddy," you correct yourself. and he grunts against your clit, making you come all over again.

the stimulation is too much at this point. you try to move away from his body but his strong hands have such a firm grasp on your ass that renders you practically immobile. you can feel the rim of his glasses rubbing against your clit as he shakes his head. "daddy, please — ah — s' too much.."

the only response he gives is a growl into your cunt as he begins to thrust that long tongue inside of you, effectively making you come for the third time on his face. that's when he decides you've had enough. he guides you so that you roll over next to him on the bed.

"you didn't finish," you say with a pout.

"didn't want to," he says, staring up at the ceiling. "just wanted to make you feel better."

[kenlvry]

you're the only sp writer i request from you're literally my fav 😢😢 but can i request stan kyle and kenny with a reader who gets jealous really easily??

reader who is easily jealous

an, HI OMG THIS IS SO SWEET ILY ANON ☹️☹️🫶🫶 18-19

kyle

okay kyle didn't know you were the type to get easily jealous, i mean he js thought you didn't really care and kinda let him roll with whoever he wants but thats probably because he hangs out with girls who are in the same cliques as you so,,

it was until you literally glared at the waitress who stared at him for one too many seconds he knew, you ended up having a bad mood throughout the whole meal and eyeing the waitress "baby r you okay?" "why? if im not are you going to leave me for that stupid waitress?" "WHAT NO???"

theres always two reasons why you're so quiet on a date, kyle was too friendly with a girl or a girl was too friendly with him. you ignore him roll your eyes at him and he's just begging you to give him an ounce of attention.

if a girl likes his story you literally stalk her, her mom, her brother, her father, her boss, her colleagues everything.

you continue to ignore that girl for weeks and roll your eyes at her whenever you see her around cz why u liking my mans story? keep your likes baby

he finds it so hot tbh like omg ur this obsessive with me?? 🤭 he gets turned on by this for sure.

even though he finds it attractive and it gets him all sweaty he needs to he careful because you weren't easy to persuade once your jealous fr. once he had to get down on his knees, crying out to you to please look at him. he loves you though and he'd do it again

a thud was heard from your window, then another, and another. it was annoying you so you open your curtains to see what was causing the noise, it was your boyfriend. you opened up your window sticking out half of your body out of the window, "kyle?" you yell, "please unblock me, i dont know why she follows and likes all my post i swear" he yells back. you smile to yourself at how desperate this man is "what if i dont want to?" you put your hands in the frame of the window smiling "um,, I haven't really thought about it" "oh bye then" "wait wait!" he called out and you turn back from walking away. "I'll uh.. I'll freeze myself!" your eyes upon widen at his dumb idea "what no you idiot" he takes off his jacket, gloves and hands then put it on the ground, he then kneels clasp his hands together "please?" "omg." you rub your temples together and rush down. kyle sighs thinking you left him, looking at the ground of shame because now the neighbors think he got another girl pregnant or something. the front door open and he flung his head to its direction, you walked out with your own coat wrapping it around him "you can beg all you want but there's a way to do it without hurting yourself" "anything to make you happy" "I'm not" he chuckles as you drag him inside "don't do that again" "hmm we'll see" "kyle brofloski!" he chuckles again at you while you bring him up to your room, he really loves you.

kenny

LOVES IT SO FUCKING MYCH 😝😝😝

its like he knows you love him because you'll isolate yourself just because a girl winked at him and won't see him until he begs for forgiveness even though it aint his fault

okay that kinda sounds like a redflag,, WTV WALK HIM LIKE A DOG IG 🤭

anyways, he doesn't hate it dont care if it interferes his life. even if he has to give up everything to make you talk to him he'll do it IM NOT JOKING

he does not care, he has to block all the girls he knows? okay! never talk to any of his girl friends? yea sure! breath only your air and not lay his eyes on a single woman except you only? anything you want babe ☺️

ALSO GETS HARD FOR THIS PLEASE. i js know he's turned on after you get visually jealous.

"please baby look at me" he pulls your arm for you to stop your tracks from going into your room "shut up, maybe you should go to that hoe who waved at you, why did she wink?? did you two used to have something??" you pull back your arm and go up the stairs with kenny following in suit. arriving infront of your bedroom kenny pulled your arm again and when you turned he immediately fall to his knees "please, i dont know her" he hold your palm with both hands, glossy eyed "i,, kenny" "please?" tilting his head to the side, he'll sit there for hours if he has to. "get up mccormick, im sorry i overreacted" he got up so quickly then hugged you, his head falling on your shoulder "loveyou" his breath on your shoulder, you smile "love you too"

stan

i think he has a love hate relationship with your jealousy, like on one hand he knows you love him and would literally kill anyone for him but on the other... its kinda tiring to beg to you

i mean he doesn't care going on his knees, and crawling all fours for you but at times he just can't deal with it yk??

but he mostly loves it obvi, the way your eyes stay focus on the girl that was 'hitting' on him or the way you sulk and won't tell him why even though its obvious it's bc your jealous, its all so cute to him. and he loves this side of your jealousy, just couples being couple

other times though.. you'd block gim everywhere and won't unblock him until the next day when you reflect on your stupid decisions. or when you ignore him at school or not even make eyecontact with him, he hates and loves it.

you had another quarrel with stan again, this fight was because he still comments '☺️' under Wendy's post of herself, it was valid true but you still thought you overreacted. sitting on your bed with your arms cross and tears almost falling down at the thought of Stan going back to wendy broke your heart. ding a notification popped up and you pick up your phone hoping it was stan despite you blocking him everywhere, it was your friend "um, whats up with stan?" she texted you "wdym" your eyebrows furrow together, you immediately unblock him on Instagram and to your surprise his profile picture was you, his stories had 8 pictures of you with cute songs behind it. he had posted 2 picture of you two on his feed one captioning "traveling the moon and back to find good internet to see if her blocking me was a mistake or im a mistake". his bio was now "tell her to unblock me ☹️". you smile at this and your cheeks turned a pink tint. you unblocked him on every platform and it seems he had changed his profile picture to you on every single one. "." "BABE YOU UNBLOCKED ME" "i mean yeah i have to especially since i have 5 people texting me about your profile" "just wanted to show my girlfriend love" "whatever" a knock was heard on your door, then a chat from stan "open up i brought food and wine" you smile and blush to yourself as your rush down to open the door. he was the sweetest

[captainzigo]

since I have been making my little pony comics for the past few months, I have basically forgotten what every single one of my duckverse comic prompts means. I had a big list full of one sentence prompts for duckverse comics that I was going to make, and I was reading through it yesterday, because I thought about making one. I was surprised to find out that I have no idea what any of them mean. instead of just deleting the list, I have decided to share with you. For what good it will do you. Think of this as a little shout out to the people who followed me for duckverse content. i havent forgotten about you. it’s also a little peek in my twisted mind. my horrible creation process. a behind the scenes look from hell. the list of prompts is below the break

max college fund

launchpad rescue hero

costco 22¢ per bite

house of mouse

door to darkness

because i’m hispanic?

donald cousins catch and release

fish wife

the greatest skateboard trick in the seven seas

backyardagins movie

evil versions boy band

gladstone gay moms

the poor part of town

private army of freaks vs my boys

you own the town. you are politics - what do you think taxes are for - not gladstone bail - id be doing everyone a favor

kids table is great actually

donald cry gold swim

beautiful gold moon

villains table

these lovebirds

gladstone can’t read

gladstone hyper specific thrift store shirt

louie seeing anyone right now?

managed my uncle’s finances

june dolls episode

may louie webs spy episode

house of mouse christmas hdl want to come

propeller cap start to turn. big wind. its a helicopter landing. thanks babe

double gay batteries

daisy likes donald snoring

if you can understand anything he says then yeah!

sora. quack pack. bald monkey

i respect your pronouns. i dont not respect YOU scrooge

why are you friends with my rival’s girlfriend

we’re sisters now too???

The dancing hacker - do you know how hard it is to lucid dream

are you guys playing dancing hacker?

how did you do that? Those dice were rigged i mean.

you guys were supposed to prepare a musical number every session

Lady in pink but with a knife

girl boss? No girl lady. But not a girl.

sephirof at the door. never seen Donald that serious in my life.

I have a superhero alter ego - like super Grover?

louie x robin the frog

daffy: i’m getting you a job in Hollywood, kid! You gonna make big times. Why? uh… i’m friends with your mom.

Duckburg community college is the only community college that does dance scholarship

duckberg community ducks, and the Duckburg University geese

in helicopter: you ever going to get tired of having our dates like this? no never.

donald take responsibility for our son! panchito what

babe your costume is terrible. why are you still in a sailor hat

tasha austin gay lesbian solidarity

hey webby! *glittery hands*

webby diary

shake for trust? glitter on hand. body slam

why did t you tell me your girlfriend is a pilot? tasha said i shouldn’t tell you because of what happened to you pilot ex. he’s still alive!

pablo: sleeper agents be like time for my next mission

CHRISTMAS GIFTS

WHATS UP T-BOYS?

donald’s boyfriends what does gladstone have against gay people

donald you should wingman for me. i thought you were gay

dugan duck is your secret kid isn’t he

huey ponytail

donald has three boyfriends why can’t i have two

woops i mexed up their super powers - let’s go, t boys! i didn’t make them trans! they were like that before, right?

your brother donald has like five partners. yeah and i’m not my brother donald. you’re right. i should date your brother donald

dewey damn girl your ass phat what are your pronouns. katy nun/ya

tying normie trans girl to a chair turbo pablo

don’t worry. the promise ring is just a tracking device

punch buggy gets steadily more and more violent

dewey’s many licenses

duck twins cobwebs

beaks: help! #911

katy can not entertain in her tiny trailer

uno gaydar donald i finally give you a job and you’re being gay on the clock??

when mom comes in and you have to hide your DS under your pillow

HDL Tulin

HDL chart

[taiigaatea]

heyyy guysssss you wont mind if i just post some sketches right???? ok good im NOT sitting through the 5-10 hours of makin a finished art piece (also yesterday was my moms birthday i love you mom)

wait i vhave a lot of things to post um lets start with most recent first

i went on vacation AGAIN to ocean city how wonderful... tbh i did this partly because me et a friend (hi lunar even though we dont follow eachother #LOL!) were talking aboutone of their recent sketches involving bathtub and i was like HEY I WANNA DO THAT TOO!!!! pool is not bathtub though dont listen to me. i looove that official art posted like 3 weeks ago with edgar in his cute little transparent cape thing soi i was like FINE ill steal it because i have no #originality !!!!!!!! love it

that was way too long for one section my bad

wouldve added these to the end but i think it makes more sense to put them here just because these were also done over vacation (same with the next sketch as well) DONT ASK ABOUT THE "IAN IS NOT SKIBIDI" its literally just me and ian being stupid and annoying in the restaurant as All siblings do,, these suck tbh but whatever its dull crayon drawings it doesnt really matter... (i love dumsers though)

WHY DOES DISCORD SUCK I JUST WANT TO DOWNLOAD MY IMAGES

-

ok ugly ass sketch number 3 we are really winning with these. edgars too cute though i cant be mad ANYWAYS. modern au!!! except i have no designs for either of them i just put them in the clothes i used for them in the sims 4 BECAUSE!!! i forgot i deleted their cc in a fit of rage however many years ago (edgar kinning #lol) and didnt want to quit the game to find more since the game takes FOREVER to load... its that 13gb of cc isnt it :onesecondkite:

lunar helped me with this sketch too (especially on the canvs/easel) can we all say thank you to lunar

-

last one yaheehy! ignore how blurry it is/it being unfinished i did it on the train and some guy sat next to me... IT IS FINISHED but fuck you im not getting another picture i do what i want!!!!!!!! theyre in skirts/dresses because i drew them in the two outfits i packed for that trip (baby cousins first birthday !! yayyy) honestly i dont care about anything other than putting my favorites in cute outfits especially if i own them myself

-

can i post the edluca diaries here... is this a safe space (it should be since aa isnt here)

dont take this seriously at all the only reason the stupid fucking book exists is because of the no more yaoi letter. im not a writer probably wont ever be (LILYZARI DOES NOT COUNT) the "fic" i wrote is completely satire to spite aa because we are the bestest of friends (he bought me minecraft!!! now i get to be The edlucayaoi on minecraft!!!!!!!)

oh shit i just realized i left a mention of lucas name in there UM sorry aa i cant fix it now books signed

[etherealspacejelly]

hi dad, i'm having some internal conflict. i've always been a really anxious person (which is probably due to undiagnosed anxiety disorders) and i've never really "fit in." i've been treated as weird all my life. i've never understood tone and i get in a lot of trouble with my parents for this (even though i've explained i can't control it), i go nonverbal for brief periods of time occassionally, loud noises and bright lights cause me pain like extreme headaches, i always feel the need to follow self-created routines in order to feel safe, i don't understand social boundaries all too well, i intensely hyperfixate, i'm extremely hyperempathetic, etc. i've never understood why i'm the way i am. then i started learning more about autism and i think i may have it. many of my autistic friends seem to think so.

but my parents don't believe me and don't like me researching mental health stuff. they don't think i'm "autistic enough" because my mom used to work with autistic kids who were almost always nonverbal and on a more extreme end of the spectrum. i mask all the time too, as a defense mechanism since i get in so much trouble for misunderstanding. hell, my parents won't even get me an official anxiety diagnosis (even though i've had symptoms since the moment the signs can appear) because they think "labels don't matter."

and the big problem that comes along with this is, i don't want to self diagnose and seem disrespectful to diagnosed autistic people. i've done a lot of research and gotten a lot of opinions from neurodivergent people in my life, but i still feel fake because i have no access to a diagnosis. so many people have told me to try to get one and my parents completely refuse.

is it okay to self diagnose? will diagnosed people find this disrespectful? i'm not exactly sure how to go about this. it'll most likely be several years at best before i can get medically diagnosed.

tldr; i may be autistic but i have no access to a diagnosis and feel guilty about self diagnosing. any advice?

thank you and sorry if this was too vent-ish, i just wanted to see if you had any thoughts <3 feel free to ignore this ask if it's too overwhelming /gen

baby. honey. sweetpea. let me tell you something

autistic people actually dont care if you self diagnose. in fact, many of us are self diagnosed. diagnoses can be inaccessible for many reasons, and its perfectly understandable if you cant or dont want to get one

i can absolutely relate to you. my mum works with disabled kids too, and insisted that i couldn't be autistic because she "would have known". she considers herself an expert, but somehow missed all the signs in me. i guess because i am also quite high masking.

you definitely sound autistic to me, and if other neurodivergent people who know you agree then you probably are. autistic people can sense each other lol

i remember once when i friend of mine came to me and was like "hey btw im autistic" and i was like "yeah i know. you told me" and they were like. "um. no i couldnt have told you i only got diagnosed a few days ago and this is the first time we've spoken since then" and i was like. oh. i just Sensed it, you know? i just fuckin knew

so yes. you can self diagnose. thats perfectly fine. and if anyone tells you that you cant or that you're somehow "harming the autistic community" you can tell them to fuck off. self diagnosis does not harm the autistic community in any way, but it can really benefit people like you.

i hope someday you can get the accommodations you need and deserve. in the meantime, please give yourself grace. you're trying your best. and im proud of you, ok?

[lemmetreatya]

HELLO if you are free at the time can you write and eren x reader insta post prt 2? With both of his moms again that was really good if that isn’t to much may I ask if it’s like him spending money on her too ? LOVE YOURE WORKS BTW

Eren’s Insta Spam (Pt.3)

eren x black!fem reader

part 1

part 2

AHH! Yes thank you so much for the request! A part 3 was definitely overdue so thank you for reminding me lool! Hope you enjoy beloved 🫶🏾 Also: BIG UP! TUN UP! to @erenxh for helping me out with a few of the translations for Carla,, you truly an OG 🫰🏾💙 + @quiveringdeer as the honorary tag for these aus

Okay so as we know, Eren has a lot of ‘fans’ who are genuinely really nice to him — but only him — and so whenever he takes you out, he tries to be low-key.

Buuuut it doesn’t mean YOU have to be lowkey and so whenever youre out and about you take pics of him and he occasionally posts these

Liked by ynprivnotpriv, mikamimamii and 74 others

ej__jaeger dump! taken by the one who captures me thru the lens of love xx @ynprivnotpriv

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ynprivnotpriv the caption??? you’re so cheessyyyy 😭😭 luv you thoo 💖💖

grishaj__ 👍🫰

ej__jaeger @ynprivnotpriv only this cheesy for you my love

ej__jaeger @grishaj ❤️❤️

But besides that, Eren loves to take you out and spoil you with stuff. It’s kinda controversial though because look okay, Eren’s not a bum per se, but he also HATES working or doing anything labour wise so it’s really Grisha’s money he’s spending on you 😭😭😭 Like he gets a lil money from sponsors and that but its barely liveable earnings

And although you don’t mind, at times it’s like “Okay, Eren. We need to get you a job.” Because he’s at the checkout but on a phone call with his Dad talking bout “Just send it to me now, I’ll explain when I get home.” And you really dont wanna be spending Mr. Jaeger Sr.’s hard earned surgery money like that shdjdjd but Eren wouldn’t take the initiative to do any of that shit himself so you get Carla and Dina involved

“What about a Barista? You’ve got that cute hipster look to you, they’ll love you there.” You said.

All four of you sat in the living room around your laptop, scrolling on various job searching sites to find Eren an occupation. He however seemed to be the least enthusiastic.

“Noooo. Too many of my fan— People, I know go there. It’ll be too bait.”

“That’s okay!” Carla exclaims. “It means you can give them discounts and talk to your friends while you’re on your shift.”

You stifled a giggle, knowing those weren’t the type of people Eren was talking about but alas, we move.

Annoyingly bouncing a tennis ball onto the ceiling and then catching it, Eren sighed as he ran a hand through his hair and paced around the room.

“Man, I need something that pays good money but small hours and allows me all the flexi shifts I want.”

“öyle iş istiyorsan git de sihirli fasulye ye!” Carla tuts.

The brunette whizzed round in shock.

“You urging me to become a drug dealer?!”

“What?!” You look towards Carla with a gasp.

Shaking her head and hands, the woman tried to clear the allegations her son stuck on her.

“No! I told him to go eat magic beans if he wants a job so easy!” Carla explained but then followed up her words with a taunt in Eren’s direction — a warning not to make her look bad.

“Well, what about Zeke’s place? I’m pretty sure he could get you a nice position over there.”

All of you looked towards Dina who had a rather elated expression on her face. This also seemed to pique Eren’s interest seeing as he stopped pacing and gave Dina an intrigued look.

“Wouldn’t that make me a Nepo baby?” He asked.

With a straight face you narrowed your eyes at your boyfriend.

“Boy, that’s really your concern?” You deadpanned. This seriously couldn’t be the most testing factor of working with Zeke of all people but apparently Dina and Eren were on the same page.

“I don’t think it will.” Dina made a thinking face before bringing up her phone to do a quick search. “I only think it affects you if it’s passed down from a parent and not across from a sibling.”

With a groan, Carla threw her head onto your shoulders, feigning fatigue.

“Oh my goodness, my annecim only wants to be rich. Not a hard working bone in his body — Oh! I’ve failed.”

With a soft laugh, you patted the woman’s head.

“Sorry, Carla. I know you tried your best.”

At the end of the day though, Eren makes sure he always spoils you with nice things and doesnt mind spending maintenance money on you! He’ll always have coin for you regardless and loves when he sees you all dolled up under his appendage

he’s THAT Guy: he’ll wait for you when you get your manicures done and talks smooth with all the workers so he can get discounts and shii dhjddk 😭😭

“Girl, can I just say, your boyfriend is such goals? Like how he so smood with it?”

The nail technician briefly removed her face mask to whisper that to you, eyeing the way he was making easy conversation with the other woman.

With a small laugh, you tapped on side of your Airpod to pause your music so that you could also turn round to observe his antics.

“Yeah, no he treat me real well.”

Turning round back to her, you gave her a knowing look.

“You want me to hook you up with one of his friends?”

“What, they just as good as him?!” She whispered.

“Oh, nobody as good as him but they good.” Giving her a knowing look, you pursed your lips over at the woman.

With a nod and an impressed look back, the techniciane moved back to continue her work on your nails, her mood more excited.

“Okay, okay. I’ll see what you got to offer.”

Liked by dinafritz_off_fitfh, jeankir_jr and 29 others

ej__jaeger she keeps saying her feet are cold but she never wants to wear socks 🤨⁉️ LIKE??? if your lil white manny toes are cold, SOCK EM! 🗣🗣

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sashabear7891 FOR FREE EREN???? FOR FREE???! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

uchihabapegod put dem dawgs away son 🌭

ej__jaeger @sashabear7891 you always know where to get the prem shit thoooo

ej__jaeger @uchihabapegod okay zeke so now that youve said that explain to me why exactly youre perceiving my girls toes??? 🤨📸

ej__jaeger @jeankirjr_ I am giving you three working minutes to unlike this post.

Liked by arminarletarmin, yummir and 104 others

ej__jaeger ROD 🚀

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mikamikamii THATS A BIG ROCK??

uchihabapegod Marriage?? In this economy???

carlaakarjaeg_34 Eren Text Me Right Now. Please Eren

yummir @ynprivnotpriv lmaooooooo i know you aint sleeping rn bitch come explaaiinn???

conniethe_conman only reason i know you lot are playing us is bc i know eren DOES NAWT have the funds for that and because y/n wouldn’t say yes to an unemployed MAN 😆😆

ej__jaeger @conniethe_conman the way you’re the only one to not fall for it but DAMN???

[thenightfolknetwork]

How do I even begin this? Ok. Hello. Im a creature. None of my creature traits are all that visible so I just look like a human. Still I will look in the mirror at night with glowing eyes, my teeth are sharper than any sapio Ive ever met, and the only thing keeping my nails from being claws is that I am being forced to cut them back

And that gets into my next problem. My parents don't think Im a creature. Well, in their words, they dont think Im a "monster." They say that these experiences I have are normal. They say that I am just trying to have something wrong with me

And while it is upsetting that my parents don't listen to me, my main issue is that I think they are also creatures. Your genus is often hereditary so at least one of them cant be sapio, but I think its both.

My dad is like me. I see his eyes glowing and claws growing and teeth sharp. I see his body hair being longer than any other sapio and needing to cut it.

My mom is a bit different. She will part her hair in a way to cover her neck, not wanting to show scales. She calls it dry skin. She will do anything to get into water- just as long as its private- and sit right below the surface.

Still, to both of them, we are a family of sapios. We are normal. There is nothing wrong with us.

I am a creature, I know I am and nothing that anyone says will take that frome me. I just want my parents, and maybe even my siblings, to see that they too are creatures. I want them to know theyre not just a weird sapio, but an amazing and beautiful creature

I appreciate your desire to see your loved ones embrace their liminal identities, reader. It must be very difficult for you to see them denying their nature in this way.

It sounds as if they have internalised a great deal of anti-creature sentiment over their lives. They use derogatory, outdated language to describe the community, and see your self-identity as a person of the night as a desire to have “something wrong” with you.

It is incredibly difficult to unpick those tangled perceptions of the world, especially when they've been rooted for so many years. But I'm afraid there is a hard limit to how much you can help them with this. You cannot force self-acceptance upon another person.

Coming to terms with one's own identity is something that needs to come from within. You need to respect their autonomy – and that includes their right to make decisions that seem unhealthy to you. Their perceptions and preconceptions are their own responsibility. If they choose not to unlearn those lessons, that's on them.

What's more, I worry about your own boundaries here. You are already handling your own identity, finding your way to a positive, celebratory relationship with your liminality despite the lack of support from your parents.

It is too much to ask of yourself, to take on the burden of doing the same for your family members.

The best thing you can do for yourself and your family is to concentrate on forging your own path. Lead by example. Show them that being a creature is nothing to be ashamed of, simply by being your own, amazing, beautiful, liminal self.

If they can follow your example, that would be wonderful. And if not, you will have your own rock solid sense of identity to hold you aloft.

[For more creaturely advice, check out Monstrous Agonies on your podcast platform of choice, or visit monstrousproductions.org for more info]

[akaakeis]

gnawing at my nails rn i miss my bf (i dont have one) how do u pick like,,, one person to selfship with bc⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️⁉️

like there r so many options ushijima i dont even know who's my favourite character rn ushijima like guys☹️⁉️⁉️

BUT I cant wait for savyaku😼😼😼😼😼 SOCUTE

goshiki is my babey though he is sososososososososo cute and i would want him irl and i bet i could even pull him irl toooo

yk what this type of starting is called! a HOOK sentence cuz u got HOOKED and now ur reading this long ass ask. WAIT FUCJ mattsun guys hear me out here ANYWAYS. HRU SAV!!!!!!!!!!!! its 4am for yew rn right!!

anyways.. its 4pm havent had lunch yet am so fucking tired but soft rice.. soft white rice.... i want to sleep but rice....... call me basic but soft white rice is the best fucking thing in the entire world right after u. teacher gave my english composition an 80 i think ill end up on the news. i just stood up abruptly and the world went 🌀🌀🌀🌀 should i be worried..!!!!

THERE WAS AN OWL ON OUR ROOF THE OTHER DAY SO COOL i almost started writing akaashi hurt comfort (???) at school today but i didnt get time and now im Too Tired :(

im reading and the mountains echoed by khaled hosseini and erm. the plot is so questionable at times like wdym the guy was in love with his chauffeur wdym she tried to kill her sister and changed her mind last second so it was only paralysis but its ok bc she killed her fr next time. wdym this one girl dated her moms ex and then married her friend's ex like guys.. guys i have Questions..

IDK IF U READ JJK MANGA BUT U SHOULD READ JJK MANGA

i cant wait for ur birthday #weirdkidthings Im So Funny Guys Im So Funny

im going to sleep so hard tonight grrgrgrhrgrg i had ice cream on the way home from school YUM and then math kid era p2 i finished this one thinf before everyone else even started and the teacher asked if i did it qt home cuz wtf. ew now i remember her using her nail to create indentations in the paper and i feel nauseous my skin is crawling

WHATEVER eRmmrmrm im sitting on the stairs rn hashtag procrastination ahahahahah ive been writing this and zoninf out for the past 7 minutes yyyyyippeeee

im so tired guys let me sleeeep

my parenrs were supposed to find baby gender today but the little shit kept its legs shut and didnt let them see (just like me frl)

correction im lying on the stairs rn ..

honestly me x goshiki would be Bomb why is he so unpopular all his fics are mid or questionable so far,,,, anyways. konoha is so beautiful i would want him excpet i have like no grip on his character so #tweaks. i hate andrew tate so fkn much. i cant wait till i turn 16 idk i feel like life will be significantly cooler then. anyways bb i take my leave gotta go eat lunch

i hope youve eaten by the time ur reading this!!! stay hydrated and safe and dm me to be silly together whenever >:]]]]] i hope u have a WONDERFUL day sav!! ily <3

look at my man hes so gorgeous btw

alina... bf... :D alright then! umumumummm honestly there were many characters that i wanted to do a selfship with but i didnt want to be self shipping with the same character that someone im following consistently self ships with LMAO cause i feel like it gets weird for me at that point cause all the hcs in my head get mixed up? ANYWAY i just think of selfships with any character im hyperfixating on at that very moment... in fact my selfship very well may change!!!

anyway since im replying after you decided on yuulina... NOYA AGHHH U GUYS WILL BE SO CUTE TOGETHER!!! IM UR NO 1 SUPPORTER THIS IS YUULINA SUPPORT CENTRAL‼️‼️‼️

savyaku sounds so funny i need to thank of something that sounds better stop rn 💔 BUT I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SO SO MUCH IM SUPER EXCITED TO DO SOME SELFSHIP STUFF :))

u would so pull goshiki irl 🙂‍↕️

HELP thanks for the english lesson lina 😭 those terms always make me shudder because they were drilled into my head in my college comp class it was horrifying. and NO not mattsun i do NOT approve of that at this point in time!!!! AND IM OKAY!! tired as hell and i have 3 projects to work on <3 (i stacked my classes this year, im not proud.) IT IS NOW 3 PM AS I ANSWER THIS ASK SO SORRY IT TOOK ME LIKE 12 HOURS WOAH

honestly u were probably tired because you didn't eat but i digress... AND SOFT WHITE RICE HAS MY HEART IT MAY BE AN ASIAN THING?? and awh stawp😋 ARE WE TALKING ABOUT THE ENGLISH TEACHER THAT YOU CORRECTED IN CLASS? THE ONE THAT CANT SPEAK AS WELL AS YOU?? insanity 😨 i may end up on the news as well. AND YOURE PROBABLY HUNGRY AND DEHYDRATED GO EAT AND DRINK WATER IF YOU HAVENT ALREADY WHAT??? PLEASE TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF!!

WHAT AN OWL ON THE ROOF THATS SUPER COOL!! bro i love owls :( and ugh i get what u mean i feel like sometimes the time just slips away... but its okay! you'll have time at some later date <3 make sure you rest enough!!

guys what my jaw just dropped?? THOSE WERE THE MOST RANDOM PLOT POINTS YOU COULDVE LEFT ME WITH. NOW IM JUST CONFUSED? KINDA WANNA READ IT NOW (my readlist has 100+ books on it)...

AND IVE READ SOME OF IT BUT IM NOT UP TO DATE RN I HAVENT HAD MUCH TIME TO CATCH UP RECENTLY

im excited for your bday too!! im trying to math away the time differences in my head so like i would dm at 12 pm the day before your bday so i would catch u at midnight i THINK.

i hope u are having an AMAZING sleep rn alina!!! and u are so smart <3 barf ur teacher needs to stop doing that thats lowk unsanitary? in my book

HELP ME NOT THE JS LIKE ME FR 😭😭 hopefully u guys are able to figure out the gender soon!! im so excited for you guys <33

goshiki is under appreciated as a character honestly and i think its cause of his fuckass haircut 😭 NO OFFENSE TO YOU WHATSOEVER IM SORRY!! HES CUTE BUT THE HAIR IS NOT FOR ME. when i saw him shirabu AND tendou i was like "what the HELL is wrong with shiratorizawa they are all fucked" no they werent they had semi and ushijima BUT THAT WAS FIRST IMPRESSION ANYWAY also konoha UGRHSHSBNDMSJABD hes so!!! so!!! yeah!!! i love him sm... also how did we get on the topic of andrew tate hes such a weird guy i dont like him 💀 AND SO REAL im excited to be 16 <3

AND I HAVE!! make sure u eat something nutritious before school! and drink some water!! i hope your day is lovely <3 ily!!

[autisticlee]

I know I need to "just do things by myself" like literally everyone tells me, but I really wish I had someone I can always ask to go places with me even if it's just to one store for one quick thing.

I barely have the ability to function enough to take care of myself daily. leaving the house for any reason is basically impossible most days. I don't have the energy and ability to drive, find the thing I need at a store, interact with people, and do the checkout dance, then drive home, all while acting "normal" (or appropriate/presentably human enough) in public with the added bonus of sensory overload. for most people, going to the store is one single task. that's all it is. for me, it's hundreds of simultaneously occurring steps I need to remember to do and maintain the entire time....

it's so hard to explain this to people. no one gets it. but i need someone else to do the human-ing for me and I just follow along. they drive, answer or ask questions and let focus be on them, lead me to the thing I need, let me copy them so I dont stand out with my weirdness...so many times i'll go to a store to get a few things alone. the sensory cacophony of everything hitting me at once makes me forget what I'm looking for, tunnel vision on the offending sensory input and can't see where i'm going, can't find things even if they're in the same place they've always been, i've run into people and things, knocking stuff over, because my body disconnects from my brain and it's hard to control. if people talk to me, I can't process their words or respond. I can't ask questions if I need to. i'll wander lost for way longer than I want to be there.

this whole time, i'm trying my best to put on a mask and appear "normal" so I can blend in, but i'm struggling and it's probably obvious because idk how to act "normal" or as expected when alone. so many times I come home without one or more of the things I needed from a store even if I had a list in hand.

I completely space out and dissociate way more often than i would like. not even stores when i need to go in and out quickly, but anywhere. if I try going to a thing that's supposed to be fun, like say a festival or aquarium or anything else, and I go alone because I don't have a friend to go with, I spend the whole time in a sensory overloaded, dissociative state, while being required to perform "normal human" rituals and masking. then get home, realizing I didn't enjoy it or retain much of it because my brain was overworking and i got exhausted as soon as i got there. i didnt get to relax and enjoy any of it because it was so much work and my brain shut down while there to try protecting itself. it's a whole brain exercise that exhausts me beyond belief. this whole time. i'm trying my best to put on a mask and appear "normal" so I can blend in, but i'm struggling and it's probably actually very obvious because idk how to act "normal" when alone and don't have someone to copy and follow.

if I have someone familiar with me, especially someone comfortable who i dont have to lead or entertain, I can ground myself better and focus more on them. I follow and copy them so I dont have the try as hard to be a human and think about doing human things. it's easier to copy someone doing the things than to try to think of the hundred steps you probably forgot and perform them alone. they always answer people so fast before I even processed half the words that were said to me.

it always surprises me when people do that. they'll answer a question before I even processed it was a question! I always need someone to be there for me to answer for me because i'm too slow, they get impatient, and/or I answer incorrectly, if i'm able to speak at all being semi-speaking. at least half the time if I do get words out, they don't hear me or mishear me. for example, just yesterday, I made my mom go to a new sushi restaurant with me. the waiter apparently asked if I was ready to pay, my mom was gesturing to me ans asking if im ready or something and the waiter was looking at me, but my brain couldn't make any of it out at all. I was staring between them like ???????? and gave up and just shook my head no. my brain was trying to figure it out and process anything at all, but i got incredibly confused and completely froze up. my mom answered "not yet" and they left. I was like, what was that about ? She said "they wanted you to pay now. you're ready to go right? now we have to wait again." I didn't get any of that, and if I was alone, that would have been even worse because I wasn't able to figure out anything or even say words. I need someone with me at all times to cover my perpetually lost and confused ass lmao

but it's also a struggle when the other person is like this too, puts too much attention on me, or expects me to lead us both. it causes the same effects as if i'm alone, plus the added bonus of needing to entertain and/or advocate/answer for and lead THEM, when I can't even do it for myself! I had a friend like that and it was annoying and immediately exhausting every time we hung out.

I don't know if any of this is making sense. i'm sure at least one person's gets it, though, right? how it's hard to consciously and appropriately act human in public when alone, but copying or hiding behind another person makes it easier than thinking about it all yourself, while sensory overload! if i can I just exist along with them and the focus isn't all on me like it is when i'm alone, it's a lot easier.

acting "normal" like a human, or basically what's "appropriate" in public spaces around others takes so much brain power that most people don't have to even think about! because it's automatic for them. so they can't fathom how much i'm struggling and it's so easy for them to say "just do it/you don't need help/you don't need someone to do it with or for you/you're being lazy!" plus adding on sensory overload you can't ignore, while everyone else is able to completely tune out and ignore the horrible lighting, the squeaky cart wheels, the crying babies and screaming kids, the 50 different conversations, the loud phone ring tone a few aisles over, the annoying music playing, someone dropping a box of something, crinkling of wrappers, the cash register beeps, the air being a bit too chilly, the annoying seam on your socks, the scratchy material of your jacket, the overly bright display of products, etc. everything all at once in great intensity. people who can ignore this don't know how lucky they are. they also don't understand what it feels like. it's exhausting.

i'm like a cave gremlin seeing light and the world for the first time ever, every time I leave my room. everything is confusing and overwhelming, but because i'm human shaped, everyone expects me to have the expected human behaviors and they freak out when i dont meet those standards. they don't care how difficult it is for me and how much i'm struggling. they won't help or accommodate me. it has to be my fault I made them uncomfortable.

exposure doesn't make it any better and arguably makes it worse because more sensory overload and more need to use my brain to overthink every word and movement I do, leading to a very deep exhaustion immediately 😫

this is why functioning labels or comparing me to my "good" days/experiences sucks and shouldn't happen. I often need help/support and people expect me to ~do it myself~ and refuse to help me so I struggle and fail to exist correctly.

[swaglessboygirl]

i find it so sus that my entire life has been full of Almost being raped actually.

like yea my grandpa grabbed my ass and looked down my shirt and liked kissing me on his lap too much but i dont remember anything happening

yea that boy my age led me to the woods when we were kids and my mom said i was gone for two hours so she almost called the cops, and all i remember is getting mud on my pink leggings, but he didnt do anything and i dont remember what we did in the woods, let alone being gone for two hours.

yea that car followed me when i was walking down the street in cosplay but i wasnt kidnapped or anything

and sure my "friend" kissed me when i was drunk and pulled me into a bathroom to see my tits to check if i have the anatomy for nipple piercings, but all they did was grope me and pinch my nipples, they didnt do anything else.

how is it statistically possible that so many times, I've "almost" been raped, but never have been? how is it possible that ive been groped but no one's ever touched me down there? who wants to be the first?

[ha1taniwh0re]

There treasure

Im in my Pirates of the Caribbean era so my handsome captain will get the first story on this blog

"what is your name miss?? Barbossa asked.

"Carina Smyth sir" she said.

"Smyth??" Jack said.

"Yes? Why are so suprised?" Carina asked.

"Is your mother alive miss Smyth??" Gibs asked.

"She is, you can meet her when we get to land, we are on way to my home" Carina said.

Barbossa, Jack and Gibs just nodded and went there way.

"Could it be (name)'s child? When was the last time you saw her Barbossa?" Jack asked.

"19 years ago...." Barbossa said.

After only 30minutes they were on land. Carina saw you standing there and waiting. Still looking so young and beautiful.

"MOM!!" Carina yelled and ran to you.

Barbossa, Jack and Gibs followed Carina because they want to meet her mother.

"Still young and beautiful, what are you a witch??" Carina joked.

"Only an ex pirate my dear" you said.

You saw someone walking towards you two but when you saw 3 familiar mans you forgot how to breathe.

"Hector....."

He was the only one you wanted to see for so many years.

"You know him?" Carina said.

"I know them all my love. I sailed with them" you said.

"WHAT?!"

"(name) Did you sleep with someone else 19 years ago?" Barbossa said.

"What is that question?" Carina asked.

"Carina my love... Do you remember a story about your father?" You asked.

"Well you said he was a pirate just like you, a captain to be more clear. You loved him but as you know he is dead because someone attacked your guys ship. Why....?" Carina asked.

Teras started falling down your face.

"Im sorry sweetie but I didn't know if he was dead or alive... I couldn't just sail with you as newborn baby. How can i feed you when i sail with 20 pirates. How can I find a clothes for you, you will grow up one day and i dont have money to buy clothes for you every month. Also I didn't want you to die on sea you would be just too young" you said.

"YOU COULD GO SAILING. YOU WOULD ALWAYS LEFT ME WITH ANALISSE. REMEMBER YOU WOULD GET HOME DRUNK AND WOULD FIND ME ALREADY ASLEEP."

"WOULD YOU BE MORE HAPPY THAT I DID WENT SAILING TRYING TO FIND YOUR FATHER? WOULD YOU BE MORE HAPPY IF YOU GREW UP WITH NONE OF YOUR PARENTS?! I WOULD ALWAYS GET HOME DRUNK BUT I GET TO YOUR BED SINGING YOU A SONG SO YOU WOULDN'T BE AFRAID OF DARK LIKE YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME. BECAUSE I WOULD GET DRUNK THAT NIGHT IN THE MORNING MY HEAD WOULD HURT LIKE HELL BUT I WOULD PRETEND LIKE NOTHING BOTTERS ME JUST TO HELP YOU HAVE A GOOD LIFE. I COULDN'T JUST FORGET ABOUT YOUR FATHER CARINA HE IS THE ONLY ONE I EVER LOVED AND I STILL LOVE"

"Why are you talking like he is alive?! Is one of them my father?!" Carina asked.

"YES CARINA HECTOR IS YOUR FUCKING FATHER ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!" You asked and went to house.

Barbossa and Carina were just looking at eachother and just hugged.

"I didn't want to make her mad... Im sorry" she said.

"I know but you need to say that to her treasure" he said.

They all went to your house. You were in kitchen sitting with your head in your hands crying.

"Mom.. Im sorry I didn't want to make you cry and im sorry for saying about you being drunk while i was a kid" Carina said.

You raised your head but didn't look at them.

"No, you are right. My love towards Hector wasn't a valid reason for leaving you every night just so I can go and blaming myself for leaving your father that day on ship" you said and stand up.

"I don't know if you still love me Hector but it would be great to spend some time with your daughter. If she wants she can go sail with you.... But promise me you will give her back sometimes.... She is the only thing I have left from you.." you said.

Barbossa didn't say a word he was looking at you and started walking towards you.

"You said earlier you still love me??" He asked.

"Yes, I have never stopped loving you" you said and put your hand on his face.

"But look at you... You are still young and beautiful and im just a old pirate" he said and chuckled.

"Heyy don't say tha-"

You didn't finish your sentence because he kissed you.

"Let's sail together again but now with our treasurer" he said and you both looked at your daughter.

She smiled at you two and ran to hug you both.

"Well now that we did this and have there happy ending LET'S MARRY YOU SO WE CAN HAVE A PARTY" Jack said and you only laughed.

[goldenj0]

okay first of all I am so beyond proud of you!!!!!!! no one deserves this more than you and I just love you so much. I'm having such a proud mom moment right now.

can I get a fluffy brother's best friend with rafe cameronnnn??? maybe they are going to the same college (he is no more than like, 2 years older) and her brother asked him to look after her for him and he starts falling for her, and her him (even tho she totally had a crush on him in like her pre-teen, early teenage years because who wouldn't?)

summary — you are in love

pairing — brothers best friend!rafe cameron x fem!reader

warnings — a few seconds of sadness but a whole lotta fluff and a kiss or four later!

author’s note — megan i adore you and your support and it means the world to me and i did change it up a bit, hope you dont mind!!

Love was cruel with two blue eyes and sandy colored hair, who also happened to be your brothers best friend.

Bright eye and a school girl crush, with your heart on your sleeve. Having listened to Taylor Swift on repeat growing up, you knew this is what love felt like.

Over the years you fell harder for him each day. It was how your name sounded rolling off his tongue. Always going out of his way to make sure how your day was and checking in on you. Rafe always made you feel important even when you felt like you didn’t.

And maybe you thought he started to feel the same way, but then senior year came around and football and senior parties took over his life and that left you in shadows, only ever getting the small waves in passing and a forced smile as you turned to walk down the other way.

The memories of him were all you had to hold on to.

A year later, freshly graduated and a freshman at UNC you felt like you could conquer anything— including the blue eyed boy that you were madly in love with.

A week later with no sightings of him, you we’re excited that maybe just maybe, you could start over and forget about him, but the universe had something else in mind.

Loud music, too many bodies and maybe the promise of a kiss would completely wipe the idea of him out of your memory.

Too wrapped up in your thoughts, your tan body collided with the back of a figure, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, I didn’t—“

“y/n?” The Taylor Swift songs started speaking.

The universe for sure hated you became you looked like a deer in headlights trying to gather your thoughts and form a sentence or coherent thought.

“Rafe?” Eyes trailing up the tall figure, noticing the changes and how much he’s grown from the last time you saw him.

The last few times he’s been home you had successfully avoided him at all costs making up lame excuses to be out when he was over. And for awhile it worked.

“Hey, how’re you?” Wrapping his arms around your waist, home, “Been hoping I’d run into you.”

“Oh yeah, well I’ve been busy with school and getting settled and yeah.” Flustered and upset at the thought of never having the one thing you wanted.

Rafe was star struck. He couldn’t remember what you looked like. Of course he kept up with you on Instagram and occasionally seeing you on other peoples snapchat stories, but you were a work of art that a picture couldn’t capture. Rafe Cameron couldn’t remember when it happened, but he fell hard for his best friend’s little sister. Too caught up in his thoughts he didn’t register that you stopped talking and started waving a hand in front of his face.

“Sorry, I, uh, can we go talk somewhere quiet?” The million dollar smile that you fell in love asked you. “Somethin’ I need to tell you.l

All you could do was nod and take his hand when he offered his up. Following him through the crowd and out of the house to a more quiet part of the backyard he took a seat and patted the empty next too him.

“So I uh, shit okay,” Raking his fingers through his messy shaggy hair, trying to find some composure that was nowhere to be found. “y/n, I need to tell you something.”

He knew. That’s all that filled your mind. Rafe Cameron knew that you loved him and he was here to let you down gently because you were his best friends little sister.

“Have you ever had those feelings? Y’know those feelings that you shouldn’t have but you do?”

“Yeah.”

“I uh have some of those for someone I shouldn’t and I don’t know how to tell her.” Picking his head up and meeting your eyes.

“Oh.” Swallowing the tears that were threatening to spill, stupid feelings, “Have you thought of just telling her.”

“I’m in love with you.”

“Yeah just like that.” Forcing your water lined eyes shut and picking your back up.

Rings littered fingers grabbing your cheeks to meet his eyes, “I’m in love with you.”

Millions of emotions and feelings running through your body as you process the words you yearned for, for years from the boy you’d been in love with since you were twelve and he was thirteen.

“y/n? Can you say something?” Nerves crawled under his skin, “Shit, I shouldn’t have said anything, I just —“

The lips he craved to feel for as long as he could remember were on his begging for entrance to his mint and beer mouth. Cold and nimble fingers met his warm and flushed cheeks as you pour everything into this exact Taylor Swift moment.

Pulling away from the best feeling, “I’m in love with you too.” Pressing your lips against and feeling him smile against your pillow like lips.

besties!! @r0und3bitch @mackenzielovee @cutesouls @onmykneesforrafe

[butch-himbo-king]

hello, here's some unsolicited advice for your sinus infection, pls disregard if you dont want that.

theres 3 things i think might be helpful to you and you might already be doing some of them.

1. neti pot or saline wash. depending on how clogged ur nostrils are, it might be difficult to use a neti pot, but if you persevere doing it daily, i think it can bring some relief. ceramic neti pots are more expensive but i think theyre safer than plastic. you can google how to do this, just make sure to use clean/boiled water. also when ure done, blow ur nose gently and without closing either nostril.

2. nasya, this means putting oil blend up ur nose in the morning. if you google, you can find a lot of premade oils, but i find it safer and cheaper to make ur own. i use coconut oil with 2% essential oil (i use tea tree and eucalyptus globulos) but if you choose to do this, you can just do the euc so you dont have to buy 2. google "nasya ayurveda" for more info

3. steam inhalation, this is the one you might already be doing like when u turn on the shower rly hot and breathe in the steam. i also like boiling water in an pan adding essential oil (again eucalyptus globulos reccommended) off the heat and breathing in with a towel over my head and the pan to trap the steam (this is physically uncomfortable but worth it for the relief)

source: ive had so so many sinus infections both as a child and adult and my mom is into aromatherapy so ive learned a bit from her and also google

Safety note 1: pls still take your antibiotics when you are able to get them!!! these suggestions are more for relief than getting rid of the root of the inflammation so u still need the anti-bios

Safety note 2: if you do this, pls be sure to dilute your essential oils carefully. they are incredibly concentrated substances that can actually do harm undiluted. all the suggestions i made here have been practiced in traditional medicine (specifically ayurveda) for thousands of years and are safe!! but only as long as you follow the directions

im very sorry if this comes off preachy or like im telling you what to do or like those essential oil moms, but these three things have helped me tremendously and i thought they just might help you too. once again, feel free to disregard and tell me to go fuck myself if thats your truth. im also happy to answer any questions if u have them!

i like ur blog and hope u and ur partner continue to do well and be happy!

thank you fr for sending this it’s so sweet and really genuinely appreciated!!!

i have tried the netipot but both of my nostrils are too swollen for the water to even drip into my throat let alone go all the way through to the other nostril. it literally just sits in whichever one i pour it into for a second and then falls straight back out once it overflows lmfao

and i have been doing a lot of steam inhalation with simmer pots and any time i make soup or tea

one thing i haven’t tried though is the oils. i know if i make a trip to my moms house she’ll have everything i need bc she’s also a very herbal remedy type of woman and she has her big wooden storage box of every oil imaginable.

thank you so much for taking the time out of your day to send me a little bit of help this is really and truly appreciated i hope you have an amazing day 🫶🫶🫶