#this one is recent though. today actually
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A Place In This World
The Afterthought: Chapter 5 | series masterlist
ACOTAR x Archeron!Reader
chapter 4 | chapter 6 | ACOTAR x reader masterlist
Story Summary: Working at Sevenda's is a welcome escape from the River House, where you've become little more than a ghost after Starfall.
Warnings: toxic family, depression, self deprecating thoughts (none of them are too terrible this chapter)
Words: ~8.4k
Author's Note: I never seem to get as far in the plot as I want to in every update... This chapter isn't too crazy exciting, but there's some sweet moments and a little bit of angst with the sisters. I hope you all enjoy this update! Title is of course from Miss Swift 🫶
18+ only pls
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Your neck was stiff when you came to, the beginnings of the morning sun spilling across your face.
The ground outside was glistening with a fresh layer of snow, nearly untouched at this time in the morning. It seemed even the early risers had chosen to sleep in today, after the revelry of Starfall last night.
You, however, wouldn't stay asleep any longer. Not with the cold numbness slithering through your chest, curling itself around your heart, your lungs, your ribs. An absent hand came to rub at your chest, to bring some semblance of life into your hollow heart once more.
No such luck.
A glance at the clock that had recently been placed above your bedroom door told you that it was half past six.
That gave you two and a half hours to bathe, drink tea, possibly eat something, dress, and make your way to Sevenda's.
You did just that, sinking down into hot water, a sigh leaving your lips as your body soaked in the heat. You could almost pretend you felt alive.
After forcing yourself from the bath, you dressed in a simple, dark green dress. It was made of cozy wool, and the long sleeves were easily pushed up to make whatever work Sevenda would give you easier. It fit you loosely and reached to just above the tops of your feet, something you were grateful for after last night.
The feel of all those males' eyes on you... It was unsettling then, and unsettling to think about now. You could hardly imagine wanting to be looked at like that by someone you actually liked, let alone by strangers... How could Feyre stand it? How could anyone stand it? You supposed each person was different...
You shook your head, clearing those thoughts away. No need to contemplate how inexperienced you are in the romantic world, despite what Nesta claims.
Quietly, you crept downstairs, keeping an ear out for anyone who might be awake, teapot in hand. Thankfully, no one was in the kitchen yet, and you were able to prepare a pot of tea with no interruptions. Safely ensconced in your room again, you sipped at the lovely orange and cinnamon tea you had made.
As you stared out at the still-sleeping city, your mind drifted to last night. How Feyre had had no time for you, and Mor hadn't appeared while you had been in the House of Wind. Feyre had been crowded by the citizens of her city, that was understandable... Mor not showing up worried you though, but you were sure there was an explanation. And your other sisters and their mates, well, you hadn't believed they would interact with you anyways.
Azriel had been... Surprising. Caring. Sweet, almost. Him noticing that you had left wasn't something you had even considered, with how close he had been with the pretty redheaded friend of Nesta's. And... You had become accustomed to not having your absence noticed.
Your eyes closed for a moment, a wave of sadness washing over you.
You still felt so alone.
The minutes continued ticking past as you stared blankly out the window, sipping on your tea when you remembered to.
Soon enough, it was fifteen minutes until nine, and you peeled yourself out of the armchair. Boots first, then the short cloak, scarf, and mittens Azriel had given you for Solstice- also the ones that he had draped around you last night in the cold.
You wondered how he had gotten them...
You just barely remembered to grab the cup that Sevenda had lent to you before you snuck out of the River House, into the snowy city.
The walk to Sevenda's was peaceful, quiet. Most citizens of Velaris seemed to still be sleeping, and the blanket of snow on the ground muffled everything. The silence of the normally bustling city matched the feeling in your heart.
Empty. Cold. Quiet.
Sevenda's was warm already, the smell of spices lingering pleasantly in the air when you pushed your way in through the door.
"Ah, Y/N! Lovely to see that you decided to come in," Sevenda's warm voice greeted you from the left, a hand waved in greeting.
"It's nice to see you too, Sevenda. And thank you, again. I really appreciate the offer. I brought back your cup," you added, raising your hand to show it.
"Thank you, dear," Sevenda said, taking said cup from your hands. "Would you like to get started?"
You nodded your head, and let the fae lead you to the back of the restaurant, into the kitchens. It was large, with multiple shiny, silver stoves along the back wall, three matching cold boxes, a wall completely taken up by pots, pans, anything that you would need to cook. There was also counter space galore, with two other fae already working dough in the far corner.
"For today, I'm going to see how you do with prep work, mainly with fruits, vegetables, and meats. If you do well, I'll keep you on full time, if you'd like," Sevenda said, her words sparking a bit of hope in your chest.
Chopping, dicing, cutting. You could do that.
"That sounds perfect, Sevenda. Thank you for giving me this chance."
Sevenda smiled warmly at you, and placed a gentle hand on your shoulder. "Of course, dear. Now... Are you feeling alright?" She asked more quietly, a concerned look in her eyes.
You nodded. Even though you weren't, you didn't want to rehash last night's events. "Yes, thank you." You even shot her a smile that you hoped was at least half-convincing, relieved when she returned the expression. "What should I start with?"
"First, you'll need an apron and to wash your hands," Sevenda said, leading you to the large sink, which conviently had a plethora of aprons hanging on hooks next to it.
You did as she asked, scrubbing your hands under hot water halfway up your forearm, dress sleeves already pushed up to your elbows. You tied a dark blue apron around your neck and waist, and faced Sevenda, who was pulling a cutting board from a cabinet. You noted the location, wanting to be as useful as possible as often as possible.
"I'll start you off by demonstrating how I like everything to be cut, and you'll do the same thing right after. I know it will be a lot to take in, but most of it is fairly simple. Let me know if you have any questions, alright?"
"Alright," you said resolutely, nodding your head.
The hours passed quickly, filled with you absorbing the information that Sevenda was feeding you through her demonstrations, taking in every angle that she used the knife at. You did decently, your cuts a bit clumsier than Sevenda's but still accurate enough. She was kinda, reassuring you that in time, you'd gain confidence and surety in your movements.
It was lovely.
Feeling needed. Feeling useful. You had entirely forgotten how that felt over the last two years, being the extra sister with no magic to help in a way that someone else couldn't.
By the time your shift was finished, Sevenda had pulled you aside to speak with you, anxiety building in your gut even as she smiled warmly at you.
"I'd like to hire you on immediately, full-time if you'd like," Sevenda offered, a twinkle in her eyes. "You've already got the basics down, and you're on track to catch up with my other prep cooks so long as you keep at it with the same enthusiasm you showed today. So... Would you like to have a job?"
A smile- a true, unburdened smile spread over your lips. "I'd love to, Sevenda. Thank you so, so much for this opportunity."
"Thank you for solving my dilemma of hiring a new prep cook, Y/N! Now, do you have an account with the Bank of Velaris already?"
You thought for a moment before answering. "I do... But it's the one that Rhys and Feyre set up for me. Would I be able to make a new account?"
You still felt like such a child, knowing so little about how the city you lived in worked. You had spent so long wishing and longing to leave that you'd hardly taken the time to learn about Velaris. Seeing how you were stuck here, likely permanently... The thought sent a pang of sickness to your stomach. But still, since you were stuck here, you might as well start learning about the city in which you will die.
"I'm sure that could be set up... Would you like any help with it?" Sevenda asked.
"That would be amazing, but you don't have to," you said, hoping that she didn't feel forced to help you, after your breakdown last night.
"Oh, nonsense, I'd love to help you Y/N. We can go in a few minutes, I just have a few more questions for you. Now... Would you like to work five or six days a week?"
That was an easy choice. "Six days would be best, I think." Less time in that house, waiting to be left out of events and dinner conversations.
"Alright, and if you ever want to go down to five days, just let me know and we can work something out. Do you have a specific day that you'd like off?" You shook your head. "Would Mondays be fine with you?"
"Mondays would be just fine," you replied. "Do you..." You paused, rolling the question over in your head. "Do you know of any apartments for rent? You don't have to answer, of course, I just thought I would ask," you said quickly, already regretting the question.
Sevenda merely smiled at you. "I do know of a few close by. Once you have a week or two of pay in your account, we could go look at a few sometime, if you'd like?"
You nodded quickly. "That would be amazing, Sevenda. Did you have any other questions for me?"
Sevenda closed her eyes for a moment before fixing them on you once more. "None that I can think of at the moment, but you'll be back tomorrow in case I forgot anything. Now, let's go get you a personal bank account," she said cheerily, rising from the table you had sat at. You followed her lead, letting her take you to the large, white marble building that had a large matching sign with, presumably, its name written in the large gold lettering on it.
Making an account was easy enough, and within the hour you had a small metal card, magically linked to your bank account in hand, your first day of pay already deposited by Sevenda.
You walked back to her restaurant with her, parting with a brief hug, initiated by Sevenda.
"I'll see you in the morning, Sevenda," you said, the words repeated back to you by the kind, chocolate eyed fae.
And then your legs carried you without thinking, back to the River House. The snow had melted just slightly, and was significantly more trampled than when you had arrived this morning. The sun was nearly set already, casting a pretty orangey-pink glow over the city.
Pretty.
The River House was warm when you entered, and thankfully there was no boisterous laughter coming from the living or dining rooms.
A part of you still longed for someone to ask where you were, what you had been doing all day.
But you knew better by now. And you were proven correct when no one came to greet you, even while you made a small dinner of rice with grilled vegetables. You even ate in the dining room, a rarity for you in the past months, the tiniest part of you hoping that Feyre might come in to talk with you. Or that Mor would show up, and you could spend part of the evening together.
Neither happened, and soon enough you were back in your room, a fresh pot of tea in hand, soothing, calming lavender and chamomile again.
You had enjoyed your day at work, but it had exhausted you. All you wanted at the moment was to fall asleep, but you chose to do something else before crawling into your makeshift bed in the tub tonight.
You would try to read. With your gift from the twins in hand, you pulled the cookbook that Nesta had gifted you, filled with lovely illustrations of soups and stews from all corners of Prythian.
Slowly, you let the magnifying glass read out the title a few times, your brain trying to make sense of the letters on the cover turning into the words you were hearing. It was embarrassing, how long it took you to be able to understand a sentence, even with it being read aloud to you. Heat rushed to your face, even with no one in the room to witness your shortcomings.
You tried reading a recipe, going one word at a time with the glass. That... Sort of worked, though it was slow going. And you felt like the only reason you were mildly successful was that the words were being read aloud to you.
How pathetic.
You sighed heavily before draining your last cup of tea and shutting the recipe book. That was enough of disappointing yourself for the night.
You stripped yourself of the dress you'd donned the morning, changing into a soft, long sleeved white cotton sleep dress that met the skin of your ankles, swishing softly against them with each step.
Sleep came easily to you that night, your body tired from doing so much work when it had grown accustomed to sleeping all day and rarely moving. It was a pleasant kind of tired, though, letting you drift into a peaceful sleep.
The next morning went much the same, with you rising before the sun to bathe and have a soothing pot of tea. Work flew by, with you completely focused on improving your knife skills for the seven hours you were there, determined to not let Sevenda down.
Before you knew it, you'd already worked three days in Sevenda's homey restaurant, settling in comfortably, even with the other fae you now worked with. Josi and Torma were the other two prep cooks, and both of them had been warm and welcoming to you. Sevenda's sous chef, Wren, had been a little less friendly, but you'd noticed that he was like that with everyone except Sevenda. He wasn't rude, or anything, just quieter.
It was on your fourth morning of work, a Saturday, that your routine was interrupted.
Azriel was in the kitchen, patiently watching a pot of oatmeal cook, shadows playing around his wings and over his shoulders, a couple of them breaking away to crawl up to his ears.
"Good morning," you said quietly, going to the cupboard that housed the kettle.
"Good morning, Y/N. You're up early," Azriel remarked in a neutral tone, neither judging nor questioning.
"Mm, thought I'd have a cup of tea before everyone else was buzzing around..." You said, feeling mildly guilty that you hadn't told him the full truth. You set to filling the water and setting it on the burner next to the one Azriel was using, then turned to grab your teapot. "Would you like a cup?" You asked before you could stop yourself and consider the possibility of being rejected, even for a simple cup of tea.
"I would very much, Y/N, thank you. Would you like some oatmeal? I'm afraid I've made too much..." Azriel said softly, a tiny frown on his face as he stared at the pot before him.
A small smile grew on your face at his reaction. "That would be nice, thank you." You pulled two of your teacups out of the cupboard. A few minutes later, the two of you were sat on stools at the kitchen island, a bowl of oatmeal and a cup of tea in front of each of you. The oatmeal was delicious, flavored with cinnamon and brown sugar, which paired well with the apple cinnamon tea you had brewed.
You ate in a comfortable silence, occasionally stifling a giggle when a shadow brushed over you, their cool touch tickling the back of your neck and your ankles. Curious little things...
Soon enough, though, it was time for you to depart from the River House, and return to the one place that you felt wanted in this city. Azriel had finished his breakfast as well, so you grabbed his dishes, ignoring his protests in favor of washing them.
"You don't have to do that, you know."
You rolled your eyes playfully, even though he couldn't see your expression. "I know that, I wanted to." Bowls, cups, silverware were all placed in the dish rack, clean and shiny from the water dripping off of them. Once that was finished, you returned to your room for a brief moment to grab your scarf and hat, and when you returned downstairs Azriel was lingering near the front door.
"Going somewhere?" Azriel asked neutrally, only a bit of curiosity in his tone.
You blinked at him once, twice. Strange, that it would be him who would know that you were employed first. "Yes, I'm going to work," you said plainly, hoping that his neutrality would continue. While you wanted your sisters to know... You wanted them to find out because they paid attention, not because Azriel had.
"Oh? Could I walk you there?" His question caught you off guard- if anything, you had anticipated him asking if Feyre or Rhys knew or had approved of the job. In your surprise, you nodded in agreement, and moments later the two of you were out the door, walking through the fresh layer of snow that had fallen overnight. You noticed a few of his shadows moving in front of you, pushing some of the snow from your path.
Cute.
"How long have you been working?" Azriel asked from your right, following the path you were taking.
"Just a few days, so far," you replied, trying to give the minimum information so you wouldn't bore him... Starting a new job was hardly an accomplishment for a fae of his age.
"Are you liking it?"
You nodded immediately. "I'm loving it already, working with food is probably the most natural choice I could have made." Too many words...
"That's wonderful, Y/N. It's nice to see you smile again," Azriel said softly, drawing your eyes to him. He was wearing a small smile on his lips, one that you realized matched your expression. A light flush spread over your cheeks- was your happiness always so obvious?
"It's nice to feel like smiling again..." You said quietly, more to the air around you than Azriel himself.
Sevenda's was in sight now, and you slowed your pace. While Azriel may just be being nice... He was still being nice to you. And having someone be kind to you was something you craved nearly every second of every day, so you wanted to savor it, even if it was selfish.
"Do..." Azriel paused, as if he was considering his words carefully. "Does Feyre know that you're working? She hasn't mentioned it."
"Uhm... No, I haven't told anyone yet," you admitted.
You saw Azriel nod his head in your peripheral, and you hoped it was one of understanding.
"Do you want them to know?"
You hesitated. "If you're asking if you can tell them... I'd rather you not."
Another nod as you approached the door to Sevenda's, stopping in front of it. "I won't tell them, then. Sevenda's, hmm?" You bobbed your head in confirmation. "That's good, she's a great boss from everything I've heard."
"She's amazing, if I can be honest," you said, gratitude in your voice. And she was. She had been so kind to you, and so helpful.
"I'm glad, Y/N," Azriel said, his voice the warmest that you had ever heard from him. "I'll let you get inside. Have a good shift."
"Thank you, Azriel. Have a good day," you said, waving goodbye to him before entering the warm restaurant, a smile on your face.
Your day passed quickly, filled with the delicious smell of spices and fresh cut vegetables, the sounds of sizzling meats and bubbling stews. This job at Sevenda's was truly a blessing, distracting both your mind and body as you listened to the friendly chatter between your coworkers and focused on what you were doing.
The River House sounded empty when you returned, completely devoid of sound. No running water, or voices in the living room. The entire night, you saw no one, not even Nuala or Cerridwen. You even spent a few minutes sipping tea in the living room - though you left quickly, feeling out of place even while alone - hoping to see Feyre for a moment. You hadn't seen her since Starfall, and... You wanted to see her. You also would have been able to ask her where Mor was, but alas, the question would have to wait.
The next evening, after your final day before having a day off, you saw Feyre for the first time in five days. She was glowing with happiness, both naturally and from the magic you knew she had gotten from... One of the High Lords - you still weren't sure which.
"Y/N! Come, sit with me for a little bit," Feyre said, dragging you onto the couch in the living room with her. You had just barely gotten your boots and scarf off before she met you in the entryway. "I feel like I haven't seen you in forever."
"It has been a bit," you agreed, settling in beside her. You glanced around, noting that Nesta and Elain were seated next to each other on the love seat, angry stares trained on you.
At least they weren't glaring yet...?
"So, how have you been?" Feyre asked you, drawing your attention away from your other sisters and back to her.
"I've been fine, Fey. Just..." You debated telling her about your job. That would also mean Nesta and Elain knowing... But... You wanted Feyre to know. "I've been... I've been working."
Nesta scoffed from where she was seated, whispering something to Elain. You frowned. What problem could she possibly have with you having a job?
"Really?" Feyre asked skeptically. "You... Where are you working?"
Her tone, the sheer disbelief in her voice had you regretting ever opening your mouth. Being honest was obviously not a good choice for you anymore. "At Sevenda's restaurant..." You said quietly, met with a dainty snort from Elain. Heat rushed to your face, especially when Feyre frowned at you, as though she didn't believe you.
"Really? That's... That's really nice, Y/N. I'm happy for you," Feyre said with a strained smile. You didn't believe her for a second.
Still... "Thank you, Feyre. What about you? How have you been feeling?"
"Tired," Feyre moaned dramatically, a hand on her forehead. "The little one seems to be draining all of my energy, I've had to start eating double what I normally do just to feel like I can function."
"Maybe you can stop by Sevenda's when Y/N is working," Nesta suggested in a snarky tone, causing Elain to giggle into her hand. "If she even works there... What Sevenda would need with you, I have no idea."
Tears pricked at your eyes, though you fought them. Why were they so mean to you?
Feyre glared at Nesta, but said nothing in your defense.
She probably agreed with Nesta's words.
"I'm sorry that you're feeling so exhausted Feyre. Maybe there's something that could be taken off your plate for a little bit, until you're feeling better?" Another scoff from Nesta.
"I don't think there is, Y/N. It takes a lot to run a court..."
You knew that. Of course you knew that. "Oh... Well, I hope that you feel better soon, then. I'm... I'm going to go take a bath. I'll see you later?"
Feyre nodded. "I'll see you later. At dinner?"
There was no way in hell you would be showing at dinner tonight. "Maybe," you said, standing from your place next to her. You made your way out of the living room, ignoring Nesta and Elain's glares, up the stairs and into your room.
Happy. You had been happy when you returned home. You were proud of the fact that you had gotten a job. And yet the three people that should have cared, should have shared in your happiness and pride? They couldn't care less. They didn't even believe you.
That only served to solidify your choice to leave this cursed house as soon as you could, to continue in your plan to have your own living space. And, of course, it put tears on your cheeks, on the blanket that you curled into as you laid in the bathtub.
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In your first three weeks of work, you never saw Mor. You did, however, receive a letter from her on your first day off, read to you by the glass the twins had gifted you. She had apologized profusely for not showing up to Starfall, though she had a good reason. The citizens of the Hewn City had demanded to have a member of the High Lord's Inner Circle stay with them through the celebration, and as the only one already there, that duty had fallen to her. And in the week since, she had been constantly fighting with Keir over the upcoming election that was planned, hardly having a moment to herself.
Which was why the letter had taken so long to be written.
You felt horrible for having thought she had abandoned you, though you knew there was a reason you had jumped to such a conclusion.
Every week since then, Mor had managed to find the time to write you a letter, each one asking about how you had been, informing you of the lastest bullshit her father had put her through. You looked forward to each letter from her, but wished that you could see her in person, or at least write a letter in response. You missed your friend. According to her most recent letter, the one that had arrived two days ago, she would be returning to Velaris for a few days in the next week.
You were excited to see her again, but more than that, you were excited to move into your apartment today.
Sevenda had shown you to two different available apartments last week, and on Monday you had signed your lease. The building was only a couple of blocks away from Sevenda's, and it was a cute little place on the third floor, with a balcony that had a decent view of the mouth of the Sidra and the harbor. You already knew that you would be taking your tea on it once the weather had warmed, the view was too amazing to pass up an opportunity to look over.
The walls inside had already been done in a shade of light pink the day before, the cabinets of the kitchen coated in a pale lavender, a move in gift from your new landlord. It was a small space, that was true. Besides the bathroom and built in closet, the apartment was one large room, with no walls separating the living room from the kitchen, the kitchen from the bedroom.
But you didn't mind.
Because it was yours.
And truly, how much space did you need? There would be enough room to have a small dining table, a loveseat and a couple of armchairs in front of the fireplace - which you had been absolutely delighted to see - and a large bed. You could even put up screens or curtains to partition off your bedroom, if you felt like it.
The possibilities felt endless as you lugged your small amount of belongings over to your new place, bursting at the seams with happiness.
Today, Sevenda had given you the day off so that you could move in, though you had tried to insist that you wouldn't need the whole day. Still, she had made it clear that you deserved the day to settle in and purchase whatever you needed, even going as far to give you a week of advanced pay.
Moving your belongings took you less than an hour, even in the snow, and only three separate trips between the River House and your apartment. The presents you had recieved for your birthday and Solstice, the clothing that you couldn't part with, skincare items, and your hairpin all went with you, but everything else in your old room stayed.
You had decided against informing anyone of your move, choosing instead to quietly remove your things. If they truly cared about you, they would notice your absence soon.
If they didn't... You would deal with that if it came.
By midday, you were shopping in the Palace of Hoof and Leaf, on the hunt for cookware. You already had the wonderful measuring cups and spoons that Nuala and Cerridwen had gifted you, as well as your tea set from Azriel, but you would need a bit more than that to be able to cook at home.
That lead to you entering a lovely little shop, filled to the brim with pots, pans, and cooking utensils in every color of the rainbow.
For now, you only bought one frying pan and one pot with a lid, both in a shade of pink that matched your measuring cups. You also purchased a set of three mixing bowls in the same shade, made of a light but durable clay. A spatula, wooden spoon, whisk, and a set of silverware also came home with you, along with a few cleaning supplies that the store happened to carry, but anything else could wait for now.
You carried your bounty home, arms sagging under the weight of your purchases as you climbed the stairs to your apartment. Everything was put away in a matter of minutes, and you allowed yourself to relax on the floor for a bit, letting your arms flop out to the sides.
You could hardly believe it... A smile crept across your face as you lay on the floor of your own apartment, that you had earned the money for. You had done this for yourself, all on your own.
Once your arms felt less weak and tired, you sat up and looked around the room. It was... Fairly barren. Your pink bedding set and blanket from Mor were in the far right corner of the apartment, the box of your clothing placed next to it. Near the door to the bathroom you had placed your box of toiletries, and in the kitchen you had already stacked your cookbooks and teas on the counter and placed your dishes in the cupboards.
You needed some kind of furniture tonight, if you could manage to find something your weak arms could carry home.
And towels! How had your forgotten about towels? Oh- and food, you would need something at least for tonight.
You let out a breath. Maybe Sevenda was right, that you would need most of the day to get settled. You got up after another moment and put your boots back on, along with your hat and scarf.
A trip to the Palace of Thread and Jewels provided you with the towels you needed, in an assortment of pastel shades and sizes, as well as a fluffy purple bath mat. You even remembered to pick out two fluffy pillows as well, just in case you slept on the floor or in the tub tonight. As you were leaving the Palace, you couldn't help but pick out a soft, sky blue blanket one of the outdoor stalls, the green skinned fae bidding you farewell with a kind smile. You walked home, snow beginning to fall just before you entered the building.
You deposited your bags on the floor to the left of your front door, and set down the stairs immediately after locking up. Before the snow started to accumulate, you wanted to get a chair or something so that you would have a place to sleep for the night. If you couldn't find anything... Well, the bathtub looked to be the same size as the one in the River House.
When you had been out earlier, you thought you had spotted a second hand store, filled with mismatched furniture. You retraced your steps, and found it to be in the middle of the Palace of Thread and Jewels.
Inside, it was cluttered, with small paths leading through the building. It was near the back of the store that you found something you might like- a tall backed, wooden chair with a pink velvet cushion and backing, the legs of the chair curved and elegant.
Why would someone ever part ways with this?
You continued to the back of the store, finding a pale, short fae male sitting behind a counter, reading a book.
"Hi, I'd, uhm... I'd like to buy a chair that you have?" You asked shyly.
"Which one?" He asked, without looking up from his book.
"The uh. The wooden chair with pink velvet on it."
"Fifty gold marks," the male said shortly, a hand extending to take your bank card and press it to his ledger, all while continuing to read. He handed it back a moment later. "Have a good day, miss."
"Thank you," you said quietly before leaving the counter, going to collect the chair into your arms.
The walk home was slow going, the chair decidedly too big for you to comfortably carry for more than a few steps at a time. But still, you made it, dragging the piece of furniture up the stairs and through your door. You managed to lug it in front of the fireplace, settling into it for a moment.
You almost decided to skip getting ingredients for dinner... But your stomach rumbled in protest, at the thought of continuing to neglect your health in favor of avoiding discomfort. So instead, you pulled yourself from your new chair, then went back down the stairs and into the snowy city one last time today.
The Palace of Hoof and Leaf was a bit further than the Palace of Bone and Salt, but you knew where to find what you were planning to cook for dinner. It was easy enough to find rice, chicken, zucchini, broccoli, and a small set of spices, a large enough selection to satisfy you for at least your first month. Snow had begun to fall heavily while you had been in and out of shops, already covering the tracks that had been on the bridge when you had crossed it earlier, and when you finally made it up the stairs and through your front door, you were feeling tired.
Tired enough that for the moment, you placed the chicken in your cold box then walked over your chair, and plopped down.
You would consider today a success, even with how tired you now were. After all, you were tired in your chair, in your apartment.
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Two days after you moved, you had an unexpected knock on your door, just a few minutes after you returned home from work.
Perhaps it was finally Feyre, realizing that you had moved.
You were proven wrong when you opened the door, however, to see Azriel standing before you, a cloth bag filled to the brim with little jars.
"I- Hello," you said, surprised at him being here, even if he had taken to walking you to work on the mornings he was in town. "Can I- Can I help you?"
"I just returned from Illyria, only to find one of my shadows to be very frantic over the sudden emptiness of your room," Azriel said, though there was no accusation in his tone. "And after I spoke with Sevenda, she... She directed me here. I hope that's alright?"
You were even more surprised by the efforts he had gone to to find you, than his presence at this point. "That's fine, Azriel. Was there a reason you wanted to see me?"
"I... Yes," Azriel said, somewhat shyly, and you swore that you almost saw a flush covering his cheeks. "You never did tell me which teas you enjoyed, so I brought you a jar of each. I thought you might like to have a bit more, now that you're living on your own."
That was... Incredibly sweet of him to do. You were running low on your tea stash at the moment, and knowing that he'd thought of you...
Don't get any feelings, or hints of feelings, you reminded yourself. Humans and fae don't belong together, no matter how kind and attractive they are.
"Thank you, Azriel," you said, stepping aside to let him through the doorway. It was only polite, after all, to let him in. "I'll take those," you said as you grabbed the bag from his hand, moving into the kitchen to take arrange the little jars on your counter.
"You don't have a bed," Azriel observed from behind you, a hand on your chair, where your blankets were still piled.
"Oh, I'm uhm... I'm still working on that," you said sheepishly, abandoning your task of organizing the jars. Your eyes darted over everything, looking for anything else he could find issue with.
"Let's go solve that, then."
"I- What?" You asked, thoroughly confused. He was offering to go shopping with you...?
"We can go find you a bed today, Y/N. You need something to sleep on, and while a chair is fine for a little bit, it really would be best for you to have a bed," Azriel said simply. You were still staring at him in shock, so he sighed lightly and said, "Think of it as a housewarming gift, Y/N. You can pick out whatever you want, and my shadows will bring it here for you."
"I- But... Why?" You managed to get out, even as you mentally kicked yourself for being so awkward.
Azriel's mouth turned up in the corners at your reaction. "You need a bed, and I'd like to know that you're sleeping comfortably."
"But... Why?" You repeated, still confused.
Azriel sighed and shook his head. "You're my friend, Y/N, I like to know that my friends are well taken care of. And that starts with a good night's sleep, which starts with a bed," he explained as he walked over to your closet, pulling out the scarf and hat that he had gifted you. He wrapped the scarf around your neck and put the hat on your head, lips turning up more as you stood there and let him. "Now get your boots on, unless you really don't want to go."
Your eyes narrowed playfully at him, but you did as he said, slipping your boots on and lacing them up. "Alright... Thank you, Azriel."
His lips turned up into a full smile this time, a beautiful sight on his face. "You're welcome, Y/N. Now, let's get going before it gets too dark."
You let him lead you across the Sidra, to a shop in the Palace of Flame and Steel that specialized in wooden furniture.
"Pick out whichever one you like most," Azriel had told you, with a pointed look telling you that he would know if you tried to pick the least expensive option.
He watched as you went from bed to bed, mattress to mattress trying to find the right combination. You had been in the store for nearly an hour by the time you made your choice, settling on a walnut frame. It had a nice headboard, with little creatures carved into the posts on both sides, a feature that was continued at the corners of the end of the bed. Some of them looked like little cats, a pet that you had always wanted to have but never could afford in the human lands, and when you had been able to, your family had firmly shut the idea down.
For the mattress, you had laid on one that felt like a cloud, supporting your body in a way that you had never experienced. Perhaps... Perhaps Azriel was right, after all.
You felt dreadful, though, as he paid for your new furniture, even as he reassured you that it was a housewarming present and he was more than fine paying double the amount if he had needed to.
He walked you back to your apartment, and, as promised, your new bed was already set up along the back wall, looking extremely inviting even without bedding on it.
"You should let me repay you," you insisted to Azriel, a hand on his forearm stopping him from leaving. "I can't... This is too much," you said.
Azriel's eyes shined with understanding as he read the guilt in your own. "It's okay, you know. To be given things, without the need to reciprocate. But... If you still feel that you need to repay me, I suppose you could make me dinner some time," Azriel suggested.
You narrowed your eyes at him. "Are you sure I can't pay you back?"
He shook his head. "The only payment I will accept is in the form of food, Y/N. Again, this is a housewarming present, it is a gift that I am giving to you of my own free will. I am, however, partial to your cooking, which is why I would accept that as payment."
You sighed, but nodded your head. You would pay him back with food, as often as he liked. "What days are you in the city?"
🤍🤍❣️🤍🤍
It took two more days before Mor was in town, which you found out about two hours into your shift when she burst into Sevenda's, speaking loudly enough that you could hear her in the kitchen.
A moment later Sevenda appeared, your blonde friend in tow.
"Y/N!" Mor exclaimed, pulling you into a hug once you had set down your knife. "Oh, girl, I have missed you so much!"
You squeezed her back tightly, overjoyed to see her again. "I've missed you too, Mor!"
Mor pulled away a moment later, her face serious. "Where are all of your things? I went up to your room in the River House to see you, and none of your stuff is there! Feyre had no idea either..."
A flush spread over your cheeks. "Oh, uhm... I moved out?" You said hesitantly.
Mor blinked at you a few times before a smile slid over her face. "You... Moved out?" She giggled. "And you didn't tell anyone? Was it this morning?"
You shook your head. "No, it was on Wednesday," you admitted softly, turning your gaze to the floor.
"And Feyre didn't... Oh, sweets," Mor cooed, pulling you into another hug and stroking your hair. You pushed her away after a moment, face bright red at being comforted in front of your coworkers.
"It's okay, Mor, really. I've already accepted that they don't notice me," you said, hoping that you had successfully hidden your pain. You may have accepted that your sisters pay you no attention, but it didn't mean your heart didn't hurt.
Mor frowned at you, but accepted your answer for the time being. "Well, when are you off work? I can stop by again, and you can show me your apartment!"
"I'm normally off right around five, you could come back then."
"Sounds like a plan, sweets!" Mor said brightly before leaving the kitchen, waving at you before being shooed out by Sevenda.
You quickly got back to work, determined to make the day pass by quickly.
And it did. The next five hours went by fast, filling you with a feeling of accomplishment as you finished everything Sevenda had asked you to do a few minutes faster than usual. Something as simple as that made your day so much brighter, easier to fight away the feeling of loneliness that followed you most hours of the day.
Mor met you outside as she'd said she would, a shining ray of sunlight even as the sun had begun to set.
"So- I leave town for a few weeks, not that I wanted to," Mor grumbled as you linked arms with her and began to lead her to your apartment. "And when I come back, you've already had a job for three weeks and you've moved into your own apartment? I am so proud of you Y/N."
You blushed at her words, but still allowed yourself to soak them in. "Thank you, Mor. I'm glad that you're okay with it."
Mor frowned. "Why wouldn't I be okay with it? I think it's amazing that you decided to move out, everyone deserves their independence."
You nodded, but your thoughts were on your sisters... What they surely thought of you, leaving without a word... "It's just... I don't know. My sisters... Weren't very supportive of me even having a job, let alone having my own apartment."
"Oh, hon, don't worry about them. I think they're just jealous of you having your own life outside of our little circle. Now, Nesta and Elain... They could certainly use a talking to," Mor hissed. "And Feyre isn't much better, letting them get away with their behavior."
You shook your head. What would they have to be jealous of? Being lonely? Having at most three friends, if you were being generous with the term? "It's fine, Mor, really. I've stopped expecting them to act any certain way, it's just... Easier."
Mor sighed next to you. "I suppose so... Anyways, tell me what's been going on!" Mor said cheerily, sensing your hesitancy to speak about your sisters.
"Well... Not much, beyond the moving out and getting a job. Although..." You thought about Azriel, how you now considered him a friend- and he thought the same of you. "Azriel has been very nice, he brought me some tea blends when he found out I moved. And helped me find a bed."
"Oh, I'm sure he did," Mor said suggestively, wiggling her eyebrows at you. You smacked her arm lightly and shot her as much of a glare as you could muster.
"Not like that Mor!" You exclaimed, blood rushing to your cheeks at her insinuation. "He helped me go to a store and his shadows brought it back to my apartment."
"Oooh," Mor laughed. "Okay, I misunderstood, Y/N. I'm glad that he's been a good friend to you while I've been away."
"I am too, Mor," you said softly, a hint of a smile on your lips.
You unlocked the front door of your building, letting Mor pass through the doorway before you, then led her up the stairs.
"Three flights? I must be spoiled, only having a flight to go up one at my place," Mor said by the time you reached the top, your fingers fumbling for the correct key.
"It's not all that bad, Mor," you giggled as you swung the door open, letting her go in first, and closing the door softly behind you.
"Oh, Y/N! This apartment is so you!" Mor said brightly as she looked around. "The bed looks amazing." She flopped down on it, sighing happily after she did. "You chose good, sweets."
"Thank you," you giggled, plopping down next to her. "I'm so glad the owner was willing to paint, it saved me from trying to do it myself."
"And it looks lovely too, and as I said, very you. So," Mor started, a hand flung onto your thigh. "I thought, if you have a day off while I'm in town, we could do a sleepover again! Either here or at my apartment, whichever you'd prefer."
"That sounds lovely Mor. If you're still here tomorrow, and you don't have plans tonight, I have tomorrow off," you offered.
"That's perfect! I'll go get a change of clothes and pick up some food on my way back, if that works for you, Y/N."
You nodded. "That sounds like a plan to me, Mor. I'll see you in a little bit?" The two of you stood from your bed, Mor's hair the tiniest bit rumpled from being squished against your mattress.
"Yep! Any preferences on food?"
You shook your head. "Anything is fine by me Mor, get whatever you've been missing while in the Hewn City."
Mor's face scrunched up at the mention of the Hewn City. "Don't remind me," she groaned. "I think I'll get some kind of pasta. Pasta sounds perfect for a sleepover."
"That sounds good to me. Walk safely, Mor, it's been slick out at this time recently," you warned, smiling when Mor winked at you playfully.
"I'm always careful, sweets. See you in a bit!"
You shut the door behind her, a smile on your face. You hadn't realized just how much you had missed your friend until you saw her again.
Not wanting to waste your alone time, though, you pulled yourself into the bath, determined to finish before Mor returned. While you didn't feel disgusting, you felt a bit dirty from work still, and if you're spending the night with Mor you'd like to smell decent.
Still, you let yourself relax in the steaming water for a few minutes, bubbles coating the water's surface. Your lungs expanded and collapsed rhythmically, lulling your heart into a state of peace.
Maybe... Maybe you could belong in Velaris.
Maybe it was your sisters that you didn't belong with, any more.
But with Mor? With Azriel? At work? You felt like you had begun to carve out a tiny little place for you to exist peacefully, if not happily.
A deep sigh left you.
You wished... You wished you could belong with your sisters once more. Your heart longed to see them, to share your joy with them. But... They never seemed to share in it with you.
So, you would settle for carving out a space for yourself.
No, it's not settling, you told yourself as you began to scrub at your body with a cloth. It's choosing to live, not to merely exist.
You may not know what you want out of life, but you're willing to find out now.
You willing to try your hand at living once more.
🤍🤍💝🤍🤍
General Taglist: @daughterofthemoons-stuff @lilah-asteria @meritxellao
The Afterthought Taglist: @darkbloodsly @angelbunny222 @uniquedreamsblog @romantasyreader28 @that-one-bibliophole @idkmyoldonewasembarassing @deathtopistachios @saltedcoffeescotch @sleepylunarwolf @babypeapoddd @kingshitonly @bravo-delta-eccho @bluebries81 @liahaslosthermind @deepestmentalitypersona @historygeekqueen @hermajestysworld @marina468 @esposamultifandom @astrokitty18 @larissa01-blog2 @acourtofbatboydreams @angel-graces-world-of-chaos @thelov3lybookworm @weekendlusting @dxjaaaa @thejediprincess56 @casiiopea2 @butterfix @sirenpearldust @marrass @satiresunflower @mae-foster @boo-shalala @optimisticbabydreamer @sttvrdustt @bunnybella186
#the afterthought#a place in this world#acotar x reader#archeron!reader#acotar x archeron!reader#acotar x reader angst#angst#fluff#acotar#acotar fic#acotar fanfic#toxic inner circle#tato writes
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Female!Reader × HybridPuppy!Yuji
The reader produces breast milk , which she expresses and donates to a shelter for small hybrids. HybridPuppy!Yuji often hugs her and presses himself against her chest to inhale the smell of milk, which makes his mouth water and his cock hard. In the end, he can't resist and begs his mistress to let him suck her milk. Or he sneaks into her bedroom at night and drinks her milk while she sleeps.
Instead of Yuji, you can have Satoru if you want to change the character
Notes: I love this so fucking much, I made a few changes I hope you don’t mind and I’m using Satoru btw because I don’t write for minors.
Pairings: PuppyHybrid!Satoru x LactatingFem!Reader
Warnings: I’m sorry but I’m warning ya now this is some nasty shit but a good nasty if ur into this! + Smut + Lactation + hybrids + reader has big boobs + possessive!Satoru + perv!Satoru + porn with plot + notproofread + bathroom sex + I think I spent too much time on plot and not enough porn sorry!
You love visiting the shelter near your house, it’s just a ten minute walk of you enjoying the scenery and speaking to the townspeople, they always greet you with the warmest smiles because they know you, they’ve known you for years.
In fact everyone here knows you: a widowed mother and wife, a mother whose children have been moved on to pursue their own hopes and dreams so in your little warm house it’s just you. You’ve noticed for a while a void in your heart, the loneliness does get to you some days but not today.
Recently a facility had been built, a hybrid facility, at first you hadn’t ever thought those existed because under new law hybrids are allowed to coexist around regular humans, they are to be treated as such it was a long time coming, it hurt your heart to see them being treated as outcasts.
You learned that this facility was for the young, abandoned and on occasion they’d take in adults who still couldn’t find their place.
And in that place you finally found your calling. for some odd reason you and your doctor couldn’t place you were still weirdly lactating, it was exhausting having sore breasts and an endless supply of milk you’d have to pour down the drain: too embarrassed to donate it in fear of being found out in the small town of people.
You awake up with full boobs that needed to be emptied or you’d spend the entire day in pain, pumping the milk was the only way, you’d only have to do it once a day but the sheer amount could keep a baby feed for the entire day.
You’d been talking to one of the workers of the facility and they’d been explaining how the young ones weren’t exactly taking well to the supplied formula milk, “they’d cry constantly” he exclaimed and it broke your heart into pieces the thought of them not eating hurts you, for the very first time you confided in the worker and he didn’t look disgusted not one bit in fact he seemed overjoyed.
“Disgusted? Why would I feel that way? This means the little ones will eat and not throw fits.” When he finishes that sentence a long drawn out sigh leaves his lips. You can’t help the giggle that falls from your lips.
Suguru you learn comes by your house to pick up the supplements and does he have some comments, he had waited a week to see how much you would produce.
“All this?!” You stand in your doorway shyly nodding in his presence, he’s actually appalled you weren’t lying when you said you have a good bit, he shakes the box in his hands and listens carefully, it’s hard for you to watch him do that right in front of you and not get a little flustered.
He thanks you graciously and makes his way back to the facility, you really hope they like it, it was one hell of a week for you. Though the feeling you did something good swarms you with warmth.
After that it was found that they absolutely loved your milk, and you had plenty to give, it was so cute the way Suguru described their reactions and how priceless it was. One little one had whined for more: Yuji was a special character he required a bit more milk since he was malnourished, Suguru couldn’t stop describing how he would not let go of the bottle, his grip was not going to let up easily, he looked so genuinely happy describing his work and how much he enjoys this field.
You break out of your thoughts and make your way to the facility, it’s downright gorgeous garden greeting you before the glass doors, smelling so good greets you just as warmly, you open the door and offer your greetings to the staff, Suguru had told you on the phone that the little ones had been particularly needy and needed some attention, attention they couldn’t provide right at the moment so they called you: they always do.
They’re way more comfortable with you, always asking when you’re coming back and on occasion they’ll beg you to stay a little longer with them, cute little faces decorated in tears to trick you.
Right now you’re relaxing on the mat in the playroom whilst they all run around chasing after one another, Nobara: a little lion hybrid is trying her hardest to doze off on your lap, she can’t with all the loud children playing like it’s their last day ever. You slowly and softly rub her short locs to lull her, it’s working until Yuji: a tiger hybrid ever the energetic thing is crawling to come bother her.
With Megumi: a wolf hybrid, and basically his other half following right behind him quietly.
Nobara seems unphased by the tiger trying to bother her, simply shooing him away so she can get her beauty sleep, that sentence makes you giggle, you continue to watch the threes antics without saying a word, a show with no production is how they act together.
Yuji sees your hands rubbing Nobaras ears and he’s immediately making his way towards your soft fingers, basically forcing you to rub his orange striped ears, this doesn’t make Nobara happy and she tries to shove him away; whining for your attention again.
You know how they get if you aren’t showing them equal parts attention so now both of your hands are preoccupied, Megumi doesn’t seem to mind, simply sitting and watching on.
You hear his voice before you even see him, he’s definitely running through the halls disrupting the staff, he’s yelling your name so loud that you know its Satoru and how eager he is, you know how eager puppy hybrids can be.
When he pops his head into the playroom the brightest smile you think you’ve ever seen, he quickly makes his way over to you ignoring the little growls the babies give him, he’s pushing them aside against your protest and laying in your lap. The grip he has around your waist allows for him to fully envelope himself in your breasts.
“Missed you’s much” he playfully whines.
“You seen me yesterday Toru.”
Satoru lets out a satisfied sigh in the warmth of your boobs, he’s become obsessed with you, and it’s bad he’s had to he reprimanded by Suguru and the other staff multiple times for his possessiveness it’s not his fault though! He can’t control how he feels about you not after that day.
It was when he was feeding Megumi, sometimes as a way to bond Suguru will have Satoru bottle feed them, though he absolutely dreads it, he has to put up with it, all the other adult hybrids are far too hard headed.
He was curious one day, about how the milk had tasted, he found out through Suguru that the formula had been changed to breast milk, it was a slip of the tongue but he himself had also noticed how they whined for more.
He unscrewed the top to the bottle, the little calm Megumi was already drifting off so he wasn’t a problem.
He took a sip, and quickly pulled away: fully expecting it to be the worst thing he’s ever tried: it’s baby food not food meant for him but that feeling on his tongue never came in fact it was actually quite good.
Another sip and another after that; he scarfed the remains of the bottle down with a flushed face, it tassted like- well he couldn’t describe it but he knew he fucking loved it. He found himself sneaking into where it was kept and taking some for himself, it was almost an everyday thing, he knew when Suguru was questioning and bothering him he had to stop but he couldn’t, until he met the source of where the milk was coming from.
He snuggles his face deeper, ignoring and zoning out the loud noises around him, he can smell the milk on your breasts, you recently pumped? Probably this morning to be exact as and all he can think about is how you sat there for hours getting rid of the awful feeling in your sore breasts.
You feel something hard against your leg, you know how Satoru feels about you but this is too much. You’ve already had to tell him in the past that he’s much too young for you and would be better off finding someone who can fit his needs, he insists that he only wants you and doesn’t care about the age difference.
You have yet to bring up these feelings to Suguru though, you can’t bring yourself to say because what if Satoru won’t trust you anymore, it was hard building trust with the man due to his past experiences.
He’s only getting more excited by the minute, his tail moving in slow languid motions.
The way he’s looking up at you is filled with nothing but love and lust, you know that look too well.
You aren’t sure why you’re in a bathroom stall with Toru whilst he feels you up, caressing your boobs, every attempt to tell him to stop dies on your tongue when he rubs a sore area, your breath hitching in your throat when he grinds his hard cock on you.
Such a needy puppy he is, whining under his breath words that you can’t quite decipher especially with how heated you’re getting, your mind getting foggier by the minute as you let Satoru get his fill of you.
He rips apart your blouse and carelessly throws it on the floor, along with your bra next. Your nipples are exposed to the cold air of the facility and Satoru is reveling in it. He paws at your heavy boobs with rough calloused hands that are uncoordinated, squeezing the fat in his hand until he sees what he wants.
The droplets of your milk finally coming to fruition, he licks one nipple and you think you can see him visibly shake with excitement, he filts that nipple in his mouth and suckles, after a good minute he ceases his constant unconscious movements and readily focuses on the sweet milk cascading down his throat.
A moan breaks free from your trembling lips, this feels nothing like the machine you have at home, this feels so fucking good it alone has your cunt throbbing in your panties, the swirling of his tongue and just how content he looks is driving you mad.
You slip into that space that you know is bad for you, your voice is for some reason egging Satoru on, calling him all sorts of names that entice him to suck harder. Your hands don’t listen to you either because you’re rubbing the front of his pants in soft motions.
His whimpers don’t go unnoticed, nor does his swishing tail, such a good boy you tell him, losing all sense of rational he drags you with him to sit on the toilet, you don’t expect the amount of strength he has for being so lanky but he manages it.
He goes right back to sucking on your fat breasts that still replenish his appetite.
You let Satoru strip you of your bottoms and your panties, you let him slip his cock inside of you when you know you shouldn’t, he isn’t big but he fucks constant, always hitting that good spot inside of you based off your reactions.
He looks disheveled and messy, his face red and his mouth dripping with drool and remnants of your milk.
You let him bend you any which way he sees fit in that stall, an overexcited hybrid means it’s going to take a while to exhaust them, though you feel tired after having an orgasm you’ve never experienced he isn’t done, he’s cum multiple times, filled your cunt with his leaky cum he still isn’t done yet.
When he’s got you in his lap leaning on him for support he’s nonstop talking about what you and him will do from here, he talks about how he wants a family of his own and how you’ll be such a perfect mommy to his little ones.
#zsworks#fem reader#gojo x reader#jjk x reader#gojo smut#gojo x female reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojou satoru x reader#satoru gojo x reader#puppyboy!satoru x reader#puppyhybrid!satoru#puppy!satoru#cw lactation#cw hybrids#Cw perv!satoru#satoru x y/n#satoru x reader#jjk satoru#jujutsu kaisen satoru#satoru x you#satoru smut#gojo satoru#widowed reader
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𝓒𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄: 𝓢𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐫
pairing kang sae-byeok x reader | wc: 1.8k
summary -> the worst day of your life. ( spending a day with your boyfriend ) warnings -> unwanted touch, alcohol consumption.
( beneath the quiet masterlist )
12:16AM
𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 Sunday with your boyfriend was considerably the last thing you wanted to waste your day on. The tension between the two of you never subsided, even as the both of you texted each other every once in a while out of pure boredom, the conversation always stale and ending abruptly, ruining your mood for the remainder of the day. At some point you had stopped trying to mend the cracks in your relationship, sick of the way he treated you, as well as the way he lacked any respect for the boundaries you set in place.
Speaking of boundaries being crossed, he showed up at your apartment unannounced, the sharp pounding of his fists against the door and insistent ringing of the doorbell waking you up at 8AM sharp. The annoyance you felt as you stared at the ceiling like no other, whispering apologies to your alarm clock for ever calling it the most unbearable thing in the world in your moments of crankiness.
His intrusion of your space gave you no time to gather yourself, there was no transition from sleep into the reality of yet another exhausting day, the next one always more tiring than the last.
Him greeting you with rough kiss on the lips, From the very start it felt like an obligation rather than a date. Bringing his own set of clothes he wanted you to wear, a skirt too short, with a blouse too revealing. Calling your clothes boring, mentioning how much of an "upgrade" this was before dragged you along, feeding you an empty promise of today being the “Perfect Day”. And as much as you wanted to believe him, you couldn't. Noticing how every detail, every choice he made, was tailored to his preferences, without a care of what you wanted. Everything was always for him, from the stores you shopped at, to the food places you stopped to get something to eat.
Deciding to bring you to a café, one that you had once enjoyed but now resented. The rich aroma of coffee beans, once a comforting scent to ease your mornings, now twisted and churned your stomach uncomfortably, the smells overwhelming and making your head spin. You had told him weeks ago about your newfound aversion to coffee, wanting nothing to do with it unless it had to do with work. But as with most things, your vocal discomfort seemed inconsequential to him, always brushing it off with a "What about me and what I like?" even though it's always about him and what he likes.
Now you sat miserable at a bustling Café in an outfit you didn't like, across from a man you hated.
He at least had half the heart to ask you questions in a way that feigned interest, but it was undeniable how much he didn't actually care, the way his gaze always flickered elsewhere before you could even finish answering. His eyes shamelessly trailing up and down women that passed by, the smallest things pulling his focus away from you, leaving you feeling like an afterthought. Your words, spoken with less and less conviction, and your sentences falling shorter and shorter until they were simple hums. It didn't matter as you became mere background noise to his wandering attention.
At your silence it didn't take long for him to launch into yet another self-absorbed monologue, recounting his recent trip with an air of arrogance. His tales of all the “amazing” things he’d done during his three months away felt more like boasts than conversations, especially when he'd compare your last three months to his with the usual hint of arrogance. His sentences soon falling on deaf ears as you tuned him out, doing the thing you just judged him of your gaze now wandered around the café in search of anything to anchor your restless thoughts and cure your boredom—until your eyes landed on her.
Sae-Byeok stood by the pickup counter, her hands buried deep in the pockets of her oversized worn jacket. Her gaze, sharp and steady, already watching you with a familiarity that left you frozen. Everything around you—the hum of the café, your boyfriend’s incessant chatter—faded into a muffled blur as you kept your eyes focused on her. She didn’t look away, and neither could you, almost as if you were stuck in a trance from her usual analyzing gaze. Her presence somehow becoming something you missed even with how fleeting it was.
And It wasn’t until her name was called that she tore her eyes away from you, reluctantly turning to grab her order from the counter. Even as she looked away your gaze remained reliant on her figure, still staring until the insistent snapping from your boyfriend's fingers in front of your face, pulled you back into reality. A soft gasp, escaping your lips as you blinked rapidly, trying to force your eyes to focus back on him.
“Are you even listening to me?" He sharply asked, his hands now gripping the side of the table. "It’s like you’re half-dead,” he added, irritation thick in his voice as he sat back in his chair with a huff. His head suddenly turning to try and follow your gaze. “Who are you looking at anyway, hm?”
You opened your mouth, only a pathetic breath of air able to come about before you mumbled out a weak. “No one. I—I was just… thinking.” your tone shaky, unsure, and unconvincing.
He didn’t buy it, he never did. His judging gaze lingering on you long after your excuse. But before he could press further and catch onto who you actually were looking at, Sae-Byeok was gone. Flipping her hood over her head as she stepped outside, covering herself from the light drizzle outside. Even after being called out with his eyes still burning into you, you couldn't help but watch her one last time. Freezing at the glance she threw your way through the window, her expression unreadable as she disappeared into the street. At least you were happy to see her.
With an annoyed sigh followed by angry grumbles, your boyfriend waved over the waiter, demanding the check with the kind of dismissiveness that left a bitter taste in your mouth and a cloud of embarrassment hung over you at his disrespectfulness. Sitting in front of him left you wondering why you had ever gotten together with him in the first place.
Waiting for the check in silence and being dragged to the car was something you wished to never experience again, the weight of what his next words or actions might be left you jumbled with nerves. And as if things couldn't get worse, the ride home only revealed how he knew nothing about you.
"The fuck is your problem, huh?" was the first thing that met your ears. You shrugged all of his pointed comments and aggressive jabs off, mumbling quietly as you fiddled with the rings on your fingers. None of his comments or questions were meant to actually find out "what was wrong with you" they were just mindless jabs at your supposed “coldness.”
You stayed still as ever when he turned towards you, seeing out of the corner of your eye the rise of a slow smirk making its way onto his face. "I know what this is about." he quietly mutters, his voice dropping down an octave making the hair on your neck stand up.
"You do?" you question, with raised eyebrows, eyebrows moving but the rest of your body remaining frozen as a soft hum fell from his lips.
"You just missed me."
You had to fight your eyes from rolling, of course he didn't fucking know.
One of his hands softly landed on the skin of your knee, his fingers creeping upward to your thigh, his fingers roughly kneading the skin of your thigh as he slowly pushed the hem of your skirt higher. Your stomach twisted in revulsion at the feeling of his touch, something that once excited you and filled you with butterflies repulsed you and filled you with dread and without thinking, you grabbed his hand, throwing it off of your lap while simultaneously pressing your figure as far as you possibly could into the car door, the cold window a welcoming feeling.
At the feeling of you throwing his hand off of you and the look of disgust that clouded your features, his grip on the steering wheel tightened, his knuckles white as he snapped at you, “Is this really how you treat your fucking boyfriend who's been gone for three god damn months?”
You didn’t argue, you simply didn’t have the energy. Staring out the window, you muttered out with a sigh, “I’m just tired,” hoping the words would be enough to end the conversation. You couldn't put it into words, becoming so emotionally checked out that any type of conversation with him would be pure torture.
But they weren’t. His voice sharpened paired with a deep grumble, his next words dripped with venom. “If you’re not gonna fuck me, what are you good for?”
The silence that followed was deafening. The weight of his words settled over you like a shroud, suffocating and inescapable and by the time he pulled into your driveway, tears blurred your vision. He slammed the car door on his way out, leaving you behind in the quiet of the car and his absence. Something that should've brought you peace was instead suffocating and left you humiliated.
Through the cracked window of the car, you caught the faint, acrid smell of his cigarette smoke, the orange glow of the streetlamp casting against his silhouette that showed him leaning against the hood of the car, now on his phone as if he didn't just say the words that would haunt you throughout the rest of the night.
You didn’t wait for him to return. Gathering what little strength you had left, you trudged into your apartment and shut the door firmly behind you, locking out the night—as well as him. Walking to your room, you peeled off the day like a second skin, washing your face and changing into something soft, comfortable, and familiar. But the tears came harder once you were alone, the events of the day replaying in your mind like a cruel montage. You crawled into bed and pulled the covers over your head, trying to drown out the world. It was a bit ironic how the appearance of someone you knew so little of became the best part of your day.
Going to bed with one person on your mind, leaving the brunt of the day and your boyfriend behind.
Only to be woken hours later to the stench of alcohol and the unsteady shuffle of footsteps. Lifting yourself up to watch him drunkenly stumble into the room, a jumble of slurred apologies escaping his mouth, all stained with insincerity. Grumbles of "I'm sorry, baby." leaving his lips as he sloppily kissed you on the cheek.
You didn’t respond. You didn’t move, you nearly couldn't. Staring at the ceiling, you let his muttered words fade into nothingness and as he collapsed into bed beside you, all you could think about was how little you missed him.
I can't live like this.
' 𝒕𝒂𝒈𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ' 📷 : @miabcuzz @twicesuuui @kissyslut @kritkalhit @st4rcs @dumbbellxo @theforestchoseme3 @wlvlurvsfimmia @genshinenjoyer @theweirdanimation @ch-3-rry @nenukkjhj @giaqnn @crack240 @pookalicious-hq @laurenkenss @sheinhamood @pooksterrr @bbynai @diorzs @beaaluv @colorfulkittenperfection @yourl0caltrash @kidicaruslover911 @sherryuki-callmeyuki @i0nic02 @knfthxv @mina-has-been-here @monroesturnns
#kang sae byeok x fem!reader#kang saebyeok x fem!reader#kang sae byeok x reader#kang saebyeok#kang sae byeok#kang saebyeok x reader#squid game x fem!reader#squid game imagines#squid game x y/n#squid games x reader#squid game#067 x reader#player 067#player 067 x reader#067
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P.S. Do You Still Love Me| Pt4
メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ P.S. I never stopped loving you... メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ pt1 pt2 pt3 bonus メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ
Han sat at the studio, tapping his fingers lightly on the surface of the desk, the sound of the beat from the speakers filling the space around him. For the first time in months, his posture wasn’t slumped. His shoulders weren’t weighed down by the invisible burdens that had been dragging him into darkness. Today, his eyes were bright, his hair brushed, his energy different, even though there was still a lingering hesitation in the way he spoke.
But it was a hopeful hesitation.
Felix and Jeongin shared a knowing glance as they watched him hum along to the track him and the other two boys of 3Racha were planning for the next album, his fingers moving swiftly over the keyboard, as Chan tweaked a few things next to him.
"Hyung-ah, what if we layered this over the last portion? Or I think the same layering could work on the title track if you wanted a more upbeat song."
It had been so long since they’d seen Han actively participate in the studio sessions, and it felt like a breath of fresh air to everyone.
Although they still kept quiet, hoping not to break the fragile peace they saw Jisung experiencing. Chan was privy to information that only Jisung and Minho had experienced; due to his fatherly nature and Jisung's attempts at finding a solution to the problems he had created.
Chan had quickly agreed with Jisung leaving early to fix things, but the other members were unaware per sake of focusing on deadlines. Jisung would tell them later. Maybe over a dinner apologizing for the way he distanced himself.
Although no one had said anything, the familiar sight of his focus, the way his hand scribbled notes across scrap pieces of paper- his mind working behind his quiet demeanor, gave them hope.
It was like the Han Jisung they knew before everything had happened was slowly coming back, piece by piece.
"Is it just me," Felix whispered to Jeongin, "or is Hyung actually... working today?"
Jeongin nodded, his eyes wide with a mix of surprise and relief. "He’s not just here physically. He’s... here here, you know?"
Felix smiled softly. "I missed him being like this."
Jeongin’s face softened, and he looked down at his hands nervously, before muttering, "Do you think it's becuase he let go of Noona finally?" The fox eyed boy looked up at his older friend. "I don't want to say anything but...I miss noona, too. She's family."
Felix’s expression changed to one of gentle understanding. He knew exactly what Jeongin meant. Since everything had happened, there had been a strange emptiness in the group, and your absence had made the tension between them all palpable.
Han turned slightly in his seat and noticed Felix and Jeongin’s quiet exchange. He raised an eyebrow, the corners of his mouth lifting into a small, almost imperceptible smile.
"You two look like you’re talking about something serious," Han teased, his voice light but still tinged with a certain hesitance as he scratched behind his ear.
Felix chuckled, leaning back in his chair, clearly more relaxed than he had been in a while. "We were just talking about how it's good to see you like this again, Hyung. You’ve been...distant recently. We missed the old you."
Han paused for a moment, the smile faltering slightly before he shook his head, chuckling softly to himself. "Yeah, I get that. I’ve been... not myself lately."
Jeongin quickly asked, like ripping a bandaid off, "Did you let Noona go?"
Felix shot Jeongin a look and sighed. "There are better ways of asking that..."
Han chuckled and looked at the two.
Felix leaned forward, a little concerned. "But I'm curious as well...are you okay now? Truly? I mean, we’re all happy to see you working again. But, uh…is...you won't go back to the way you were? Did you really let her go?"
Han’s expression softened, and for a moment, his eyes drifted down to the track playing on the screen. There was something quiet, something almost sad in his gaze, but it wasn’t the hollow emptiness it once was. It was more like he was still finding his way through the wreckage but managing to keep himself grounded, little by little.
"How could I." Jisung said quietly. "It was a stupid mistake on my end to begin with. I hurt her a lot. The only right thing to do is to make it up to her for the rest of my life if she lets me, isn't it?" He let out a soft chuckle. "We’re...going to be okay," Han said slowly, the words not coming easily but feeling like a small relief once they left his mouth. "I think we’re getting there. Just, uh...took the wrap around way because I am an idiot.
"YAH, FOR REAL?!" Jeongin exclaimed excitedly bouncing in his chair.
Han couldn't help but laugh at the youngest's excitement.
"Yes. From what I gauged last night..."
"Omo, you slept together?" Jeongin asked, jaw dropping.
"What! No she was drunk and I had to pick her up because some prick kissed her." Han pouted and crossed his arms.
"Someone kissed, Y/N?" Changbin asked suddenly from across the room. That caused everyone who hadn't been paying attention to start now, as Han nodded.
"Yes! Her coworker! As if he could even compete with me. She hated the kiss too." Han said triumphantly, sparking a conversation about the event of last night, and how exactly he planned to woo you over and beg for his forgiveness.
Unbeknownst to Jisung, you were standing outside the JYPE building, a letter in your hands. You walked up to the desk, a little nervous since it had been a minutes since you were there.
"Uh...hello?" You asked the receptionist, who looked at you with a bored look.
"How may I help you."
"Um, I have something to give to my boyfriend."
The receptionist looked at you if you were utterly delusion and scoffed. "Boyfriend?"
"Y-yes..." You said shifting on your feet uncomfortably.
"Listen, we get a lot of crazies like you. I'm gonna give you a minute to leave or else I'm going to call security."
Meanwhile, Chris was ushering everyone back to work, so Jisung could get home quicker. Felix had rushed out to go grab some water for everyone when he heard a familiar voice.
"Please! Can you just call them or something! I'm not a sasaeng I swear!" Felix looked to the floor below and saw you, a looking tense and about ready to break.
Did you really leave the apartment to come see Jisung?
Felix rushed back towards the studio, forgetting about the water. "Hyung! Hyung! Noona she's downstairs!"
Han looked up as did the rest of the boys. He immediately rushed out the studio, not giving a care in the world for what was surrounding him.
Why didn't she stay home? I was coming back? Did she come to breakup with me? Is she leaving? Is it too late-
You were trying desperately to explain your situation to the receptionist, but it was of no use since you and Jisung hadn't been public.
You didn't blame her for you sounding crazy. She probably felt like you were lying when you weren't you were just trying to find a way to get to Jisung to solve things once and for all without outing your connection.
"Please!"
"I'm gonna have to ask you to lea-"
"Jagiya!" You froze and turned to the voice you had memorized like the back of your hand. A voice you could pick out in the sea of millions.
Jisung stood there looking at you, as if you were the only on in the lobby. As if there wasn't dozens of eyes on you. The receptionist quickly brought her hands to her mouth and bowed in apology. But you weren't concerned about that.
Rather you were concerned about why Jisung's eyes looked so frantic and troubled. You made your way to him and he dragged you to an empty meeting room.
You stood in silence looking at each other for a moment his eyes troubled.
"Baby, are you okay?"
And with that he broke down. Covering his face in his hands.
"How do you still care for me so effortlessly after everything. How can I feel deserving of you when you're like this. So perfect when I'm not."
The words hung in the air like a thick fog, suffocating the space between you both.
Jisung's voice cracked with emotion as he spoke, his face a mixture of disbelief and guilt. "I'm horrible."
You opened your mouth, but the words caught in your throat. You had imagined this moment countless times, where you could finally address the root of all these problems, but now that it was happening, everything felt too overwhelming. The confusion, the heartbreak, the longing- it was all too much, too soon.
"Jisung..." you whispered, your voice barely a breath. "I read your letters."
You expected him to be in shock, or question you, but instead he gave out a defeated sigh.
"Ah." He looked at you for a brief moment, eyes clouded with self-doubt, before looking away once again. "I'm a coward aren't I? I pushed you away," he said softly, almost as if the words themselves hurt. "I let everything slip through my fingers because I was scared. Scared that I wasn’t enough for you. That I couldn't give you everything you deserved. And I couldn't even tell it to you to your face."
You took a step closer, your heart aching for him. His vulnerability was something you hadn’t seen in so long. It made everything you’d been through seem even more painful. How could someone so full of warmth, someone who made you feel safe, feel like he wasn’t worthy of your love?
"Jisung, stop," you said, reaching out to him. "You don’t get it. I never stopped caring about you. I never stopped loving you. And I never will."
A breathless laugh escaped his lips, but it was bitter, filled with regret. "But I hurt you, Y/N. I hurt you when you needed me the most. I was so caught up in my own insecurities that I pushed you away without thinking about how it would make you feel."
His eyes were wide now, desperation and guilt etched into every line of his face. He stepped forward, grasping your hands tightly, as if afraid you might slip away from him. "How do you still love me after everything? After I broke your heart? I can’t wrap my head around it. I don’t deserve you, Y/N."
You shook your head, your own emotions rising to the surface. "You don’t get to decide what you deserve, Jisung," you said, voice trembling with the weight of it all. "I do. And I still choose you. Even after everything."
You held out your letter, tears clouding your vision. "Read it. I wrote it for you. So just...read it."
He swallowed, his eyes red rimmed and hands trembling as he grabbed it, a pit forming in his stomach in anticipation.
Jisung, I guess, somewhere along the way, we lost the chance to truly understand what it meant to love each other. We got caught in the noise of everything that came with it—the questions, the doubts, the silent thoughts we never voiced. And maybe that’s why we ended up here. Because, somehow, we never really addressed the most important thing: what it truly means to be enough. For the longest time, I convinced myself that you left because of something I did. I spent nights turning over every little thing in my head, wondering if I wasn’t enough for you. If I wasn’t the right person. I couldn’t shake the feeling that I had somehow failed you, failed us. But I never, not in a million years, thought that it would be you asking yourself if you were enough. If you felt like you didn’t deserve me. I never imagined that you would carry that weight, not when you’ve always been the one I leaned on. And here we are, and I’m holding your question—Do I still love you?—in my hands, unsure of how to respond in a way that you’ll understand, in a way that you’ll believe. I don’t know how to say this without sounding like I'm exaggerating, or trying to make you feel like this is some grand, impossible thing, but... I need you. I need you the way I need the air I breathe. It’s almost embarrassing to put it into words, to let you see just how deeply ingrained you are in me. But you need to hear it. You need to know that even after everything, even after all the confusion and the pain, my heart still beats for you. It always will. When I think about the time we spent apart, I can’t help but wonder if there was something more I should’ve said, something I could have done to keep you from feeling this way. If only I had seen it sooner, if only I had known how much you were struggling. I hate that I didn’t, but I also realize that it isn’t anyone’s fault. It’s not about blaming either of us. We’re both human, Jisung. And sometimes, we get lost. We make mistakes. We doubt ourselves, we doubt each other. It’s a part of loving, a part of being vulnerable. I never wanted you to feel like you weren’t enough for me. I wanted you to know that, for me, you were always more than enough. And now, as I sit here and think about everything, I wonder—can we go back to what we were? Can we fix the pieces that fell apart? And part of me hopes we can, but another part wonders if going back is even the answer. Maybe it’s not about reliving the past or undoing what’s been done. Maybe it’s about moving forward. Maybe it’s about growing from what we’ve been through and figuring out how to love each other in a new way, a way that feels whole. So here I am, writing you this letter—something I should’ve done a long time ago. I’ve spent too much time thinking I needed to be perfect, thinking I needed to fix everything before it was too late. But maybe the answer isn’t in fixing everything; maybe the answer is in accepting that we don’t need to be perfect. You’re enough, Jisung. You’ve always been enough. And I’m sorry if I didn’t show you that in the way you needed to see it. But I’m telling you now: I need you. I love you, and I always will. And I hope that, somehow, you can find a way to believe that, even after all the time apart, after all the silence, that you still have a place in my heart. I’m here. I’m still here, and I want to move forward with you. Always, Y/N
He drew in a shaky breath.
P.S. I think you always knew the answer...
He stared at you, eyes searching yours for something, anything-
Then, without warning, he collapsed into your arms, his body trembling as he let go of everything he had been holding in. The tears bursting from you as well. "I'm so sorry," he murmured, his voice muffled against your shoulder. "I'm sorry."
You wrapped your arms around him, holding him tightly, as though you were both afraid that if you let go for even a second, everything would fall apart again.
"I love you," you whispered, your voice thick with emotion. "We both made mistakes. I’m here. And you're here. It'll work. We'll be okay this time."
For a moment, neither of you spoke, letting you sobs and
the weight of your shared pain and unspoken love pressing in on you both. It felt like the world had paused, giving you a fleeting moment of peace. The chaos of the past few months, the confusion and the silence- it all seemed so distant now, as if it belonged to someone else.
There were no easy answers, no quick fixes. All you had was each other, and for the first time in months, that felt like enough.
Jisung pulled back slightly, his face still clouded with uncertainty. "I want to be the person you need me to be. I want to make up for all the time we’ve lost."
You looked at him, your heart swelling with a mixture of love and caution. "You already are, Ji," you said softly, smiling at him as you held his cheek. "And we have forever to prove our love for each other, hm?"
His eyes softened, a flicker of hope lighting up behind them. "Hm," he echoed, his voice barely a whisper, but it was all you needed to hear.
You let out a shaky breath, finally allowing yourself to believe in the possibility of a future. You didn’t have all the answers, and neither did he, but one thing was clear: you were both willing to fight for this. For each other.
But before you could say anything else, there was a knock on the door, interrupting the fragile moment you had created. The sound startled both of you, but Jisung didn’t move. He kept his gaze locked with yours, his hand still tightly holding yours, as if he wasn’t ready to let go of you just yet.
"Hyung?" a voice called from the other side of the door. It was Jeongin, his tone slightly hesitant, as though unsure of what he might walk in on.
Jisung sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration, the small moment he had with you ruined, but his grip on you remained firm.
"They missed you too." He murmured.
He looked back at you one last time, his gaze searching yours for reassurance. You nodded slightly, the unspoken understanding passing between you two. You weren’t ready for the world to know yet, but you were ready to face whatever came next- together.
"Yeah, just a minute," Jisung called out, his voice a little rougher than usual.
But without a second of hesitation, Jeongin rushed in without a care for the world, the rest of the boys behind him.
The room seemed to pause for a beat as everyone rushed towards you. The tightness in your chest loosened with every familiar face. Minho, the ever-present big brother, was the first to give you a noogie, ruffling your hair as he grinned.
You laughed, even as tears threatened at the corner of your eyes. Changbin pulled you into a warm hug, and you could feel his steady heartbeat, a comforting presence. "Missed you," he mumbled into your hair.
Felix was next hugging you like no tomorrow, just to get pushed out the way by Jeongin who slipped his arms around you like a safety net. His embrace was gentle, but there was an unmistakable tenderness in the way he held you. He pulled back slightly, his voice soft but filled with sincerity. "You’re back, noona. We missed you."
You looked up, meeting Jisung's eyes. His gaze was intense, but there was something softer in the way he held you now. "She’s my girlfriend, Innie-ah," he said, his voice a little rough but proud, as he pulled you closer to him.
Jeongin stuck out his tongue.
You let out a shaky breath, your heart swelling with the truth in his words. The guys were all there, their presence overwhelming in the best way. You felt safe, loved, and, for the first time in a long time, enough.
Jisung kissed the top of your head, gently stamping his affection on you. The weight of everything you’d been through, the distance, the silence- it seemed to fall away with that one small gesture.
You other were the human embodiment of everything he’d both hoped for and was scared for- everything he needed. And as you were wrapped in his arms, with the guys surrounding you, he finally felt it- the reassurance that he was enough. That he was worthy of this love.
Of your love.
メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ@abovenyx @wolfs-archive @oddracha @iyeeeverydee @parisanmorovati @seungmincenteric @panbish-1209 @fxiry-vtt @sseawavee @shuporanporang @amarecerasus @softkisshyunjin @whoa-jo @meanergreener @rikibun @ayyonoona @shinywombatcrusade @y4yayael @skzstan12345 @mariteez @allys-reads @jazziwritesthings @skzstannie @yongbokkiesworld @kkkeopi @neverendingstay @moony-9 @minsungsthirdwheel @everlastingspring143 @joyofbebbanburg @leezanetheofficial @tr-mha-fan @bubbly-moon @night-storm7 @missmajdastark @axel-skz @rockstarkkami @emilyywhyy @holly-here メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ𝟶メ
#skz imagines#skz x reader#skz stay#stray kids#skz angst#skz fluff#skz#skz reactions#stray kids reactions#han jisung#jisung skz#han skz#stray kids jisung#stray kids han jisung#stray kids han#skz han#skz jisung#skz han jisung
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youtube
Self promo I uhhhh sometimes upload stuff it's almost def gonna be d4dj related though. Also the pauses are because I am very slow at reading and recognizing the stamps.
Also flashing lights! Maybe! I'm not sure, be safe though
#d4dj#d4dj groovy mix#self promo#yaaaaaaa#dont expect much from the channel#just occasional posts#vids arent uploaded when i record them usually#so. some might be much older than others#this one is recent though. today actually#Youtube
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Healing church setting up the sprinkler in the front yard of the grand cathedral so Amelia can run around and bite the water. Enrichment.
Dude fdshhfdh This is so wholesome xD
This is how Amelia's era as a vicar SHOULD have ended *sob*
#dhfhdshds#bloodborne#shitposting#vicar amelia#ask replies#doodles#sorry i am not an expert in how dogs-that-are-not-fully-dogs work and it was just a quick doodle#i am trying to get into a habit of responding at least some asks with doodles but they'll be messy#also yes i've learned that her tail is actually really tiny today xd#there are those videos with bosses frozen and inspected close on youtube so yeah#also yeah sorry it is not a front yard of grand cathedral but just random area with grass fdjdfd#though honestly recently i had a dream that that particular yard was really expanded and there were grassy/bushy areas by-#-each side of that#and there was also a secret statue of laurence in one of the niches#it was the second dream i ever had that featured theme of finding canon look of laurence in the game#it is weird that it happened twice lol
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i'll angel in the snow until i'm worthy (snow angel)
#infinity train#grace monroe#she is. such a moment#my art#guesstimating this took like 6-8 hrs#okay actually according to my screentime this took just over 5 hrs? but i literally. basically did nothing except this all day#talk too much was on loop the entire day today it has at least a 90% chance of appearing on my top 5 this wrapped#then again i had a huge loop song last month too so maybe it'll still need to battle it out w the other 9 songs for this yr#it snowed recently and i did not make a snow angel but i did hit some of my friends with snowballs. and get hit. infinite train reference..#i'm not totally sure how this specific shape of snow angel is physically possible but please ignore physics in favor of aesthetics#eventually i will be able to color things in a way that completely (as completely as possible) matches my Head Vision#this one was pretty good as far as vision matching goes though so yay for improvement and progress and growth
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went to a comic store today and saw individual issues of idw sonic in person for the first time ever btw . epic win
#not that ive never been to a comic shop before its just the only.one thats anywhere near me#is one i didnt know existed until like a year ago because its in a weird spot#and their hours are very incompatible with the days/times im actually able to go around shopping#and ive also been to other places that sell comics they just never hvae idw sonic#ANYWAYS i got to go today and they had sonic yayyy . and i also got an issue of monster high new scaremester#because ive really been wanting to read that one and havent been able to find it online like . at all. nobody is archiving that thing ....#i only got issue 2 though because they were out of issue 1#and i didnt have a single chance to check for issue 1 when it came out. because of the previously mentioned scheduling curse#nervous that i actually spent money on it because idk if im even gonna like it#ive heard mixed reviews on it and the book that its a continuation of . but fuck it we ball#also if this store carries sonic idk how i never saw it before because i Have been a couple times in the past#maybe they just now started getting it recently?? or just happened to be out the last few times?? idk
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Just booked a new freelance writing contract from a client I thought had ghosted me, God-is-real.gif.
#we were talking last month back and forth over email and then arranged to talk over teams which they cancelled at the last minute#and i didn't hear anything until i sent a follow-up email on Mon and she got back to me within literally three minutes asking to zoom today#which surprised me y'know! given the aforementioned ghosting!#but we vibed well and i've written stuff for similar orgs before and she offered me the contract in the meeting which was delightful#the rate's pretty good for an nfp too#it's a relief honestly i lost two contracts recently#a regular one is replacing their freelance writers with ai and the other was a new one that decided my rate was too high#which is HILARIOUS when i tell you the client was disney merchandising and in hindsight i actually think i lowballed them#i love the theatre i work at but the pay is not great#freelance writing is definitely getting harder / less stable than it already was though :-/#anyway focusing on the good this is a pretty big contract and has potential to have ongoing work so that's delightful
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"fnaf is the scariest game ever" "no its silent hill" "well i think its resident evil" everyone shut up!!!!!! youre all wrong. its actually zack & wiki quest for barbaros' treasure (on the nintendo wii) but only the level "keeper of the ice". that level scared me so bad as a kid and you can tell because its the only individual level i remember the name of off the top of my head. like there is nothing scarier than a) being chased and b) being on a time limit. and you know what this level has? BOTH OF THOSE. this level is still scary to me im like AHHHHH!!!! and then i die
#i had to google horror games after i thought really hard for silent hill and fnaf#because like. resident evil is just not a horror game in my mind... its just cool zombie game...#to be fair though. the only one i actually played a portion of was re6 which is probably the least scary one in the whole series#anyway do the kids still find silent hill and fnaf scary. i dont know.#well the former id say yes given how prevalent ps1 horror has been in recent years#fnaf i have no idea. im a massive wuss so its scary when i play it for myself#but watching someone else play them especially when i know them well isnt scary#and ive watched fnaf videos for YEARS#so i dont know. (old man voice) these damn kids... back in my day we watched markiplier scream at freddy fazbear and we LIKED it!#anyway its objectively a horror game and thata literally fine thats all i needed for this post#MY POINT HERE. my point here#IS THAT HIT ZACK AND WIKI LEVEL KEEPER OF THE ICE. IS SOOOOO SCARY#its not that scary but i see tjat level and im like 3 years old making my mom play this level for me again#and for the record yes me and my sister really did make our mom help us with z&w#she remembers helping us with frost breath the most because we like did notttttt get that one at all#and she could never remember how to do the mirrors based on what combination of stands is there (because tjeres like a few variations)#so she always had to look up a guide 😭😭#my poor mother on fucking gamefaqs or something in like 2010... legends only#anyway if you have no idea what level im talking about (any of my oomfs reading this that isnt end) (hi end) PLEASE look up this level#and i need you to think of like a 5(?) year old making her mom play this game.#this aforementioned child is still a massive wuss as an adult btw. some things never change#anyway watch that level and think about how someone like me. whos already a scaredy cat!#imagine how someone like me felt at age 5 possibly younger playing this level#I WISH I COULD LIKE CONVEY EMOTIONS OVER TUMBLR. why cant i attach a .emotion file to this post#anyway ramble over <- hes said that like a million times today#scariest level in a game ever...!!!!! FUCK that keeper of the ice bitch im GLAD he died#muffin mumbles
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HI TUMBLRR it’s me
#I ate ramen just now it was soooo god I think ramen is just it just is better after 10pm#im right#ughhh ok that actually reminded me earlier my classmate was making an Asian people eat dogs joke like he put on this awful accent and he wa#all like ‘dog tastes so good with rice’ and then he did other stuff too#but what really made me upset is that someone who I thought was my friend found it really humorous! wow okay!#I know it’s not really a big deal but im still kind of sad like I’ve lost all my respect for you now#anddd they were my only friend in the class so now I’m stuck there for the rest of the semester I guess . I mean I’ll still be nice to them#but I just don’t think I can bring myself to like them anymore sorryyy . not really . but kind of#idk if I’m overreacting . in elementary school though people would make jokes actually about me eating dog and it always made me really sad#but I never held it against them cause we were children#but now I feel like you’re old enough to know what you’re laughing at..#wow ok this really derived away from me being on tumblr and having just ate the worlds best ramen#well . not really I mean it was good but I’m allergic to normal noodles and I need to eat rice noodles and they’re not bad I just don’t lik#them as much Lol#I feel like my actual posts say nothing but if anyone ever reads the tags they probably know everything about me..#I use tumblr to complain half the time loll and I used to post my drawings more but I haven’t made any good drawings recently😭😭😭BUT WAIT!#i have a comic I’ll post in October we’ll see how far I am in it by then…#im like . halfway done with chapter oneeeee so maybe like I’ll post all of chapter one on hallowern.. how does that sound… cause actually#for those of you who don’t know my story has ghosts in it#im like trying to keep it a little silly right now but the tone might shifftttt idk!!!!! we’ll seeeeeeee cause actually I have NOT worked#out the entire plot.. just like. most of it.#but I keep having ideas like midway through ughhh it’s an endless cycle!!!!!#like Francis . she used to be a random character who shows up once but then I was like . wait no! anjali should have ghost friends! and tha#that’s how Francis came to be#and actually today I kind of finalized her design^_^ albeit in my math notebook lol
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Anyway how is everyone doing
#had to get up at 6 in the morning and therefore had 4 hours of sleep today (a weekly occurence pretty much)#so i just took a nap which took all evening and i'm still tired yayyyyy. because naps only work how they should about 10% of the time#and also i did nothing else today because sleep and now i'm truly wondering what to do with myself anymore#meanwhile i have to get up and go to school again tomorrow 😑 and the day after that 😑 and the day after that 😑#or i could drop out again and have nothing else to do anyway and continue rotting in my room#(whether it's my dorm room or my actual room doesn't matter). what's the pointtttttt#might be reaching some kind of limit or maybe i'm truly just dramatising and should just chill about it all#save me 4 hours of music listening now probably. idk man#got my minimal amount of social interaction today in the form of riding the elevator with 3 of the ppl from my course#when i could have (and normally would have) just taken the stairs instead#i feel like i made a big important step today that will help me later on through this year (no not really)#at least one thing i've noticed recently is that i might have the reverse of what is i guess is usually called seasonal depression#in the sense that now that it's chilly and cloudy and it gets dark earlier i feel like i'm finally LIVING in a way#the good effect of that will probably pass after a week or two though#but also just a bit over a month left now until my birthday and then my long awaited trip!!#anyone else get unreasonably excited for their birthday each year even though there's never anything special about it in the end#and that only makes the day more depressing lol#ok whatever i'm done whining now i think. music time then#celebrating (a bit late) one year of gratsax and lil beethoven today. some of the albums of all time for me personally#goosepost
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i feel bad sometimes because all my dolls just sit on shelves all day so i've decided to take a few with me to work the next couple days! i decided to start off with abbey ^^
#she was just chilling on the counter all day! (no pun intended)#i worried my boss would like tell me that i shouldn't put her out but she actually didn't mind ^^#i will get to more of the reblog games tonight!! i just need a little time to wind down because today was A Day#today was really hectic but abbey was great moral support ehe#i want to bring scarah tomorrow but i'm a little worried because she's like. a rarer more valuable doll you know#but i don't think anyone would notice or care..#she's a recent acquisition and she's soooo cool#it's i heart fashion scarah by the way i didn't get the sdcc one sjhjssj#i wish i did have her though...i thought it was so cute that she came with hoodude#but as of now that set is prohibitively expensive#but i heart fashion scarah is so cute i love her like 60s-inspired look with her little lab coat and go-go boots#what do you have to say doll?
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Day 15
“Tatsumi-senpai, have you ever kissed anyone?” Kaname asked, sitting across from the other boy in the catacombs. Everyone else had left for the night leaving the two of them alone.
“Why are you asking?” Tatsumi replied, confused as he moved one of his chess pieces on the board. Kaname didn’t know anything about how the game worked and was mostly just guessing at where the pieces moved.
“A-ah it’s nothing, I was just wondering…I haven’t kissed anyone.” Kaname could feel his face heating up. God this was embarrassing, why was he doing this?
“I haven’t kissed anyone either.” Their game of chess forgotten for the moment. Kaname’s face burned even hotter.
“Would you--would you like to try kissing?” He barely squeaked out. How was the great Kaname Tojou such a loser when it came to his crush? He should be confident and yet here he was.
“Can you repeat that, Kaname-san?” He loved the way his name sounded in Tatsumi’s voice. It made him want to die in the moment though.
“Can I--Can we try…kissing?” His voice was still soft but evidently loud enough for Tatsumi to hear if the slight blush on his face was evidence of anything. Tatsumi gently moved their chess board to the side and slid closer to Kaname. Kaname felt his heart rate pick up at the proximity as Tatsumi leaned in closer.
How was he supposed to kiss? He tried to remember the movies and how they did it, closing his eyes and letting Tatsumi guide him, his lips slightly parted. The moment Tatsumi’s lips touched his he thought he would fly, and evidently his mouth moved before he could think, as Tatsumi let out a yelp and brought a hand to his lips.
Kaname bit him. Oh how embarrassing! It wasn’t enough to draw blood but still!
“I’m so sorry Tatsumi-senpai! I didn’t mean to do that! Oh god--”
Tatsumi laughed. Kaname stopped in his tracks as Tatsumi continued laughing. He wasn’t laughing at Kaname, though, or at least not at Kaname as a person, but rather at his reaction to the whole thing.
“It’s okay, Kaname-san. We can try again if you’d like.”
“Y-yes I’d like that very much.”
They leaned in again and Kaname clenched his jaw to keep himself from biting Tatsumi again, but he got a little overeager again and felt their heads bump into each other and not where their lips were (which was where he was aiming for). Kaname curses under his breath but Tatsumi giggles again (a heavenly sound to Kaname’s ears) and cups his face before gently guiding him to Tatsumi’s lips.
Kaname was too in shock to do anything for a moment. He was kissing someone. And not just someone. He was kissing Tatsumi Kazehaya, heartthrob of Reimei Academy. He closed his eyes and relaxed, reaching to grab Tatsumi’s blazer and pull him closer. He felt their teeth clack together but it wasn’t as bad as their first attempt and for Kaname, that was enough.
They pulled away, panting heavily, and Kaname noticed that Tatsumi’s pupils had dilated. He wanted to pull Tatsumi in for another kiss but held himself back, at least for a moment.
“That wasn’t so bad,” Tatsumi spoke, breathless and full of affection.
“No, it wasn’t.” Kaname pulled Tatsumi back in for another kiss, narrowly avoiding bumping their heads together again. He could do this forever, just him and Tatsumi in the catacombs, kissing to their hearts content.
#shay writes#tatsukana#january writing challenge#WE'RE BACK ON TRACK BABEY#i already wrote tomorrow's fic too i will have to edit it#but i'm on a roll today i might work on one of my longer fics#if i dont work on something longer i will die i swear. sobbing#options options.... kaokana fic. big bang fic editing.... the newest longform wip edition which is the madaleo fic#umu what else.........#idk actually there probably is another longer wip somewhere#ignoring the madashu part 2 fic i promised IM SORRY I HAVE NOOOO MOTIVATION FOR THAT ONE RECENTLY#i should do a different madashu fic though. for funsies. i should start a new one#OH THE MADATATSU ONE I WAS WORKING ON RIGHT RIGHT RIGHT#yes yes okay but that one i think i am also putting on the back burner for a bit#but yeah i'm going insane i need to write something longer#i am going insaneeeeeeee just writing short stuff so expect less posting from me in february#for a while anyway we'll see if i can maybe get some chapters of other stuff up#but yeah. anyway cutesies tatsukanas today#cutesies rinniki tomorrow that i've already had people read on discord#and we'll follow it with cute madaleos on thursday i prommy i prommy
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In case it's hard to read/understand: "If I had a nickel for every time I had a story with a blonde girl named after a plant, who has a German father and a French mother but absolutely hates said mom, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice."
weird, extremely-specific tropes in my stories: pt 1
#oc liveblogging#ughhhhhhh i really CANNOT afford to be procrastinating rn but i know this happens when im extremelyyyyyy fucking stressed.#creative/art related classes always get me for this reason bc ill use 'wait but i need to find inspiration!' as an excuse to procrastinate.#fuckkkkkkkkkk. UGH IM NOT EVEN WRITING SOMETHING FROM SCRATCH ITS JUST A FINAL REVISION BUT IM CONVINCED IT SUCKS#the worst part is hkjhkjGHKJ I HAVE TO PRESENT SOME OF THIS SHIT AT AN. INTERNATIONAL FUCKING CONFERENCE GUYS. GUYSYSSSS#anyways this post is sadly not related to that. nothing im presenting is related to my ocs [un]fortunately lmao#ive just been thinking rotating various oc stories around in my head again ourgghhhh.#and i realized this LMAO. i mean maybe technically not 2 separate stories anymore because im recycling a lot from one for the other?#one of these was already established lowkey and the other was something i made for an assignment for a class like 2 years ago#i actually don't know if petunie will be blonde in her final incarnation?? ive always imagined her as silvery blonde ig but idk#if ill keep that. she doesnt have proper colors like colin but at least colin has his design set more straight somewhat.#and all the recent petunie development is lowkey really fucking funny to think abt. i girlbossed with her character development so#hard that she really replaced lucian as a protagonist HAHAJSDHKGJ. ok well not 100% kamille's story is a shoot-off#of lucian's technically? i guess? it started becoming that and now its solidified as that lowkey bc same town same place time period people#but man if im not careful i might accidentally make kamille/petunie's arc THE default one and lucian's main one the offshoot instead#a lot remains to be seen. but also yeah the other one who's story is mostly getting recycled (myrtille) actually ALSO HAD HER MOM#COME FROM THIS SAME FUCKING PLACE BASICALLY. a few decades later but still bruh given developments for lucian's story too its just like#at this point im noticing a pattern man wtf is wrong w/ women who come from this town specifically lol. 😔🥴#this town in general is just fucking cursed though i think ahkjshkg. i mean that jokingly and literally lolololl i gotta. work on it. but y#I HATE IT HERE WHY ARE WEIRD LITTLE FUCKING TOWNS WHERE BAD SHIT HAPPENS ALWAYS A CONSISTENT TROPE IN MY STORIES /silly#I DONT EVEN COME FROM A WEIRD LITTLE TOWN MY HOMETOWN IS LIKE. AVERAGE NORMALISH NOT SUPER LARGE??? IDFK?????#haaaaaaa fuck i need to finish this by the end of TODAY I S2G!!! SO I CAN MOVE ON TO ALL THE OTHER SHIT I OWE FUCKKKK
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sigh
#getting Taylor fatigue perhaps#thinking about.. a lot of stuff on ttpd#today Florida was playing in the store and the “weed or little babies” line slapped me in the face and then I couldn’t stop thinking about#how cringey it was for the rest of the afternoon#and then I kind of mentally went down a spiral of other Choices I don’t love#and like!! idk I did like a lot of songs on ttpd#some of the Silly was fun#fell into the anti ttpd tag and people do love to dunk on so high school and imgonnagetyouback but I don’t really have anything against thos#like! let her have fun! Aristotle/grand theft auto!#but there’s also a lot of other choices (specifically lyrically) that I just…. hm.#the reason I stopped listening to the title track too#there’s *some* good lines in there. a couple good lines. but there’s too much cringe the whole I can’t listen to that song#and I don’t really know what I’m trying to say. I’m not trying to say anything specific.#I’m not mad about everything and especially compared to the actual antis I definitely enjoy the album more than many of them do#but also. not like the Crowd of Swifties does#and yeah just in general. things about her behavior recently are Very Disappointing#*gestures vaguely*#so idkkk#ik i have talked about this before on the other side of the argument like. if you hate Taylor why are you still here you hater???#and I don’t hate Taylor but I don’t really like her very much either. idk and I continue to like A Lot of her music#and idk idk#I’ve been thinking this on and off since ttpd release#and some days I like her less than other days#but maybe I’m thinking it’s just time for me to take a step back.#I don’t want to become a hater so if I have anything to rant about I’ll try to keep in it some tags like this or just in my group chat#but yeah. if I am less interested in or inclined to talk about Taylor and my swiftie mutuals wonder. that’s why#I’m still 100% down to talk about the music though!!! but maybe I’m going to become one of those people who are asked if they like TS and#they’ll be like “mmm I like her older stuff”#maybe that’s where I’m headed
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