#this one is kind of a Dump everything blog tho

[interweb-poster]

soukoku stamps!!

i used this template although i made it a bit bigger to see the art better. use freely :)

[popponn]

in general, sometimes i really wonder what sort of impression i make on this place

[th3-c0rps3-r0gu3]

hidden sadness.

pairings: Natasha X fem reader.

Warnings: depression, lots of sadness. Swearing. Thoughts of self harm. Yelling.

Happy ending tho.

A/n: this is a vent post. And Natasha is only a year older than y/n in this. Please do not mind me dumping my bottled up sadness here.

Y/n had joined the Avengers when she was 23. She had been hoping for a new start. And she had always been really good with daggers. Like exceptionally good. So she had gained the avengers trust quite easily.

The avengers would describe y/n as walking sunshine. She was always able to cheer someone up or just bring the happiness level up in general. It was a known fact that y/n was friends with every avenger. Every avenger other than Natasha Romanoff. For some inexplicable reason Natasha hated y/n. However despite Natashas dislike for her y/n was always kind towards her.

Natasha would describe y/n as a clingy childish girl who never experienced the hardships if the world and probably had everything handed to her on a silver platter. And the only reason that y/n was on the avengers was because her dad brought her a place and claimed she was good with daggers.

Nobody had actually seen y/n handle a dagger. But every mission y/n went on came out successful so they assumed she was as good as she claimed. Everyone but Natasha who suspected y/n just had someone else do the job for her.

Y/n however was far from either of the avengers expectations. She was a happy ball of sunshine on the outside but inside was a while nother story. In all reality y/n was sad. Desperately sad. Y/n found it hard to even get up of a morning. She forgot meals and basic health things. Luckily she could easily brush it off as simple forgetfulness as it fit her personality.

Despite y/n desperately wanting to tell someone, anyone, about her sadness she couldn't. Not the avengers. They had enough issues to deal with as well as their own sadness. Y/n's mother didn't understand. She tried to but she couldn't grasp her daughter's depression. And y/n's father had left for another woman a year ago. Not that that changed anything as he basically ignored y/n her whole life. So y/n bottled her sadness. Well she had one place she put it. A blog she had. There she could dump all her emotions under an alias where noone would recognise her and tell the other Avengers.

On social media y/n went under "inej". Her favourite book character whom she shared her dagger and knife skill with. Y/n's blog was her safe haven. The one place where she could be y/n y/l/n and not just "the silver blade" which was her hero name. Nobody but y/n's followers knew about y/n's depression. If it's even depression. Y/n don't know. All she knew was she was sad.

"hey y/n you think you could show us your daggers?"

Kate asked from beside yelena. The other Avengers turned to look at y/n.

"sorry Kate not today. Maybe another day."

Y/n responded shooting Kate an apologetic look. Y/n didn't like to show her daggers to others. They were special. Her grandma handcrafted them specially for y/n before she passed away. She had left y/n with twenty daggers in a wooden box with a glass lid. It was important to y/n as it was the last thing her grandma ever gave her.

"of course you cant. Because they don't exist. Admit it y/l/n you use your father's power to get your missions done."

Natashas voice broke y/n out of thought. It was cold and cruel but y/n was used to it.

"sorry to disappoint Natasha but I don't use my father's status to get missions done. I do have daggers but I can't show them to you. It's personal and I've said that."

Y/n gave Natasha smile. Natasha had always been y/n's favourite avenger. It saddened her more that Natasha hated y/n. Natasha simply scoffed at y/ns words and smile.

"what's personal about daggers. Their just fancy knives."

Natasha's insult hurt. Not that y/n would ever show it.

"leave it alone nat."

Steve said frowning. Natasha glared at him before leaving the room.

"sorry for her behaviour y/n."

Steve said then turning to y/n.

"it's fine Steve. I'm used to it. I know she'll eventually get over it."

Y/n responded calmly. She then hesitated.

"I'm gonna go to my room though. I feel awkward now. I'll see you all later ok."

Y/n then finished. The avengers nodded and y/n retreated to her room.

Y/n had a simple room in which no one but her was aloud in. It had bookcases lining two walls and a bunk bed with a study area underneath in the corner. There was a picture frame that held two photos. One of y/n with her mother and the other of y/n with her grandma the day she gifted y/n the daggers. Under said photos was the box contained the daggers. The daggers were intricately decorated with dragons or crows. Dragons because y/n adored them and crows as a reference to y/n's favourite book duology, six of crows.

Y/n climbed up to her bed and lay down grabbing her phone to dump her emotions on social media. Opening her blog she created a post. It just went on about how her friend group had one person who hated her despite her attempts at being friendly. And her slight struggles to deal with her depression and not being able to discuss it. After posting she turned off her phone and lay down sighing. Y/n didn't feel much better. She glanced back at the daggers. What if... No. She couldn't. She wouldn't. She didn't have the heart to do it. Let alone deal with her mother's sadness or the avengers sadness if she was caught. Besides her suit was sleeveless. Y/n buried the thought to the back if her mind.

A few hours had passed now. Wanda called everyone down for a team meal. Y/n wasn't hungry. She made the simple excuse of she wasn't hungry and went back to her room. Not after getting another snarky remark from Natasha though. This time a dig at her size. Y/n wasn't big but she wasn't skinny like the others either. It wasn't a bad thing and y/n knew that but it still hurt.

Once back in her room y/n turned in her music and as 'devil town' by cavetown came on she pulled out her sketchbook and drew. That was y/n's only other coping mechanism that kept her away from sh. Other than reading, drawing was one of the only things y/n legitimately enjoyed anymore. As the lines started to take a shape y/n realised she was drawing a realistic heart that was cracked open and bleeding. Disturbing but accurate to y/n's emotions currently. Mean while downstairs the other Avengers were arguing with Natasha.

"you can't say that natasha. It could really hurt her feelings y'know."

Wanda scolded. Natasha rolled her eyes.

"she's a cinnamon bun Wanda she's fine."

Natasha said. Wanda frowned at Natasha and was about to make another comment when Yelena interupted.

"can we not do this over dinner. You two can have your quarrel after food."

Wanda and Natasha sighed before sitting back down. Everyone ate in silence as the obvious tension between Wanda and Natasha was uncomfortable.

The next few weeks went by almost the same. Y/n continued her happy persona and Natasha continued to make hurtful jabs while the other Avengers disapproved. Y/n continued to act like it didn't matter. Then Natasha and y/n were assigned the same mission. It was simple. Break into HYDRA put the information on the hard drive and then blow up the place. Easy right. Wrong. Natasha was furious.

"why can't I do it on my own!?"

Natasha fumed at fury. Y/n stood there silent.

"I don't need some happy go lucky daddies girl bugging me as she fakes being an avenger!"

That actually hurt y/n and she flinched though nobody noticed.

"well there's obviously some drama between you both and you need to figure it out. Besides the other Avengers need a break."

Fury remained professional despite the red head yelling at him. Before Natasha could even think of a response fury left. Natasha whipped around to face y/n.

"you better not fuck this up or I will fuck you up got that daddies girl."

Natashas voiced dropped with venom at this statement and y/n simply nodded. The black widow proceeded to storm out of the room leaving y/n to mull over this situation.

The day of departure was the hardest y/n ever experienced. She felt so heavy. It was unbearable to leave the sanctuary of her bed let alone her bedroom. Despite all odds she managed to get up and grab her daggers and change in time to meet Natasha. Y/n had also grabbed a couple books and her sketchpad. This was not a single day mission and y/n knew she was gonna need some coping mechanisms or else things would go south.

Y/n met Natasha at the launch pad to board the quinjet. Natasha scowled at y/n and went on about her nearly being late. Y/n was early. They boarded and started the long flight to the HYDRA base.

The majority of the flight Natasha scowled at y/n and made harsh comments. Y/n simply read to drown it out. As soon as they landed and headed to the hotel they were staying at Natasha made almost silent judgements about the way y/n held and carried herself. Y/n simply sighed and tried to ignore it. They checked into the hotel and entered their room. Lucky for them it had two beds. Y/n set up to the one next to a window and natasha on the one closest to the door.

The first night y/n and Natasha needed to discuss plans if the break in. That was mostly Natasha telling y/n what to do and ignoring any statements y/n made before bringing them up later as if her own ideas. Y/n went along with it.

The next day they were to stake out the base. It went as well as one could anticipate from Natasha and y/n. Natasha constantly criticized y/n and said she was too obvious and how this was just proof of her faking her missions successes. It ended worse. Y/n had ended up in a trap and Natasha had to get her out before HYDRA agents found them. It was worse when back at the hotel.

"how could you be so stupid! Had I known you were this shitty I would've demanded a new partner till I got one! You jeopardized the whole mission you know that right!? Your not an avenger. Your a pathetic excuse who only got to join the team cos her daddy brought her a spot."

Natasha yelled. Y/n blocked out the rant. She had heard enough if Natashas rants to know the lines this one would take. Bla bla ball you could've got us caught. Bla bla bla your a failure. Bla bla bla daddy's girl. That was all Natasha's rants. Soon however Natasha ran out of air and stormed into the bathroom to take a shower. Y/n decided to make a post for her blog.

'inej':

-hey guys. I think screwed up again. It's all I ever seen to do now a days. I truly feel like a failure. I could've gotten my friend in trouble on accident. I've also been left alone with the friend who hates me. I keep fucking up and I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm trying. But sometime it feels like it's not enough. Stay safe.-

Y/n posted it and then turned off her phone before pulling out a book to read the rest of the night. Y/n knew sleep was not gonna be an option tonight. Sleepless nights were more common now.

Today was the infiltration day. Today was the important day. And y/n could only think about how she was gonna fuck up. Natasha got ready and y/n joined her outside. They were soon both outside the base again.

"ok I'm doing all the work as your incapable of doing anything right. Just follow my orders and maybe you won't fuck this up."

Natasha demanded. Y/n nodded. Natasha then lead y/n in.

At first everything was going smoothly. Till Natasha was downloading the information and it tripped a security alarm. HYDRA agents filled the room and Natasha and y/n were fighting for their lives while gathering the information. Y/n didn't have time to grab her daggers and she wasn't too good at hand to hand combat without them. That and the sleepless night and y/n was fighting terribly. Natasha obviously noticed and took it as y/n being incapable of doing the mission and a liar like she thought. Then Natasha saw the files were downloaded. She quickly went to retrieve the USB and turned to yell at y/n to ditch before g/n barged into Natasha and a bullet was shot. Y/n yelled at Natasha to grab the USB and run and that she had the bombs to blow it up. Natasha did run. She felt no obligation to help y/n. Soon after Natasha was out y/n got the time to whip out her daggers and soon the agents were dead. Y/n planted the bombs and exited the building and blew it up. Y/n met with Natasha at the hotel room.

"what the fuck were you thinking!? You nearly got me killed. Your pathetic attacks were useless! We could if failed because of you. Let alone you jumping at me!? And where are you stupid daggers huh!? I never even saw a blade in your hands!"

Natasha screamed. Y/n was tired and bleeding. Littlest did Natasha realise was y/n had take a bullet for natasha. Had she not jumped at Natasha she would if died. But all Natasha was doing was yelling at y/n for saving her life. No. She had enough.

"I jumped at you to take a goddamn bullet!"

Y/n finally gestured to the bleeding wound in her chest. Natasha shit up but before she could speak y/n began to yell this time.

"and the reason I didn't pull out my daggers was because I didn't have an opening to! I saved your stupid life and what I get is being screamed at!? I've tried so hard to get to where I am now. And you daddies girl comments sting y'know. And if you knew jackshit you'd know that my father left my mother for another woman a year ago. Even before that he hardly acknowledged my existence! I have tried so hard to be good at this but I can't! I'm just sad all the time. I struggle to get out of bed. Yet I try to keep you and the other Avengers happy because I don't want to bring down high spirits! Maybe this was a mistake and that being an avenger was a shit decision but I enjoy it! Or I did."

Y/n finished her rant and then looked at a shell shocked Natasha. The y/n pulled out her bloody daggers.

"and those non existent daggers are here."

Natasha now stared at the daggers. Then she eyed the bullet wound.

"i.. I'm sorry. I didn't know."

She said almost shakily.

"no. You didn't know. You don't bother to know. To know Ive been miserable near you. I've thought about self harming before but you have nearly made me actually do it! And y'know what. Maybe I should. Just to relieve the pain you cause me!"

Y/n shouted. Natasha looked scared at the mention of self harm.

"don't do that. Don't even think of that. Please I'm sorry. I didnt... I'm sorry. I am truly sorry."

Natasha said. Concern was written all over natashas face as tears streamed down y/n's. Natasha stepped forward.

"Please dont, cut yourself..."

Natasha begged. Y/n looked away.

"it's just so hard.. you making comments. Being judged about the fact I won't show my daggers because I'm not ready to face the fact that if I show them I'll need to say who gave them to me and then that leads to grandma's death.. I cant. I can't admit she's gone because if she is then I'm lost.."

Y/n practically sobbs. Natashas eyes widen at your explanation of why you refused to show your daggers. Natasha then wrapped y/n in a hug.

"I'm sorry. I was just jealous. I thought you had a privileged childhood and got everything you needed and was upset because that privilege was taken from me. I'm so sorry. I never meant to take effect in you like I did."

Natasha whispered. Y/n simply leaned into Natasha's arms.

The rest of that night was filled with, Crying, hugs, admitting troubles and making up. The two women then became friends and returned to the compound as such. They proceeded to confuse the fuck out of the other Avengers as they had departed basically enemies and now y/n and Natasha were arm in arm. Natasha explained everything and y/n was taken to therapy. Things soon got better. And eventually Natasha and y/n grew into more than friends.

A/n: the ending is shit but I didn't know how else to do it. (I redid it like 20 times). Lmk if it's shit or not. Not that I care this is just me emotion dumping lol.

[polydamnory]

⚠️EA / Somehow Whole Spoilers⚠️

Okay, I’m just gonna start this off with saying I have always been a hater of the “but it was all a dream” trope. I know there’s more to this than that, but suffice to say I wasn’t the biggest fan of this ending. That isn’t to say it was bad writing, or I fully hated it, nothing like that. Erik’s writing has always impressed me, and this is no exception. But this just wasn’t the story twist for me personally, and a not insignificant part of me wishes it had gone down a different route. (If I see even one fucking anon on those confession blogs being genuinely shitty about this I swear to GOD-) 

With that out of the way, I’m now going to gush about the things that I really did enjoy about this finale (because it is the finale in case some of you weren’t sure, he labeled it as such in the EA post) as well as some things I think I are going to be relevant to the overall lore of the Redatedverse going forward. 

First off, I cannot BELIEVE that Erik spoiled the fact that Anton was a werewolf with a fucking Fooliverse video and none of us had a clue. Absolute icon, I genuinely love that so much, this is like the Azmidi thing but even funnier. I do kind of wish he was a different kind of shifter, we already have so many wolves and it’d be fun to see more of a variety. Didn’t expect him to actually be working for DUMP either. I wonder if he really is good with tech tho, considering he functioned as a sort of hacker in the Imperium universe. Hope we get to see more of him going forward. (Also is his partner still an earth elemental? Does he even have a partner in the real world?) 

Also, unless stated otherwise, the fact that “the Asset” might’ve just headcanoned James to be a bottom is so funny to me (this of course depends on what reality his BA took place in - his emphasis on him just being a facilitator makes me lean towards dreamscape considering how he spoke before everything *ahem* went down in that audio, but then again I’d assume working in any way for DUMP would be stressful so could be either or). 

Marcus, or Marc what have you, may not suck in the way we knew him to but he still sucks in a different way, so glad to know that’s still a reality lol. 

Wasn’t expecting to meet another victim of Quinn - even with the twist being revealed that this was just a dream and “the Asset” just being a latent human, he was still very much a surprise. 

I guess this means there’s a lot more information about how the department works made public than I thought there was, although the way they were partially depicted in the dream really just drives home that seemingly a lot of the public doesn’t have a high opinion of them (see implied fantasy racism towards demons). 

With how much “the Asset” knew about the Meridian (because some of that does seem to line up with what we know about it from other storylines), I guess it’s fair to say that this did take place later in the timeline considering that this appears to be more public knowledge (I think James said something about it being spoken about on the news), just maybe not as in the future as we thought considering this seems to take place relatively soon after Quinn getting caught. 

Anyways, this was still pretty enjoyable, even if it is based off of something I’m really not a fan of, and I totally see now why (aside from him also getting sick) Erik had to postpone this one for a bit. Never gonna complain about getting so much content at once. Hope we continue with more of the narrative driven stuff in the next couple weeks - now more than ever I need to know what the fuck is going on with Avior. Also give me more Anton content please and thank you.

[thefourchimes]

Can you tell me more about the Four Chimes AU?

What paths did you originally have planned for Robin? I wanna see how close my own ideas are lol :D :D :D

And tell us more about the Chimes themselves please? Like what are they like? What kind of abilities do they have? I may need some ideas for a fight scene... hehe

so. four chimes au my beloved. the reason why my url name is the way it is, even when im an encanto centered blog AHSFUIAHSF but yeah, here we go then! also, finn mentioned you can send him asks too, he would love to answer you about this as well yeye

anywho, lore dump time! made with a tag team between me and finn

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Can you tell me more about the Four Chimes AU?

the four chimes verse is essentially an amalgamation of my want—need—for badass max, max angst, elumax angst, just general party and co angst, apocalypse four shenanigans, several unexplored character interactions and dynamics, the four horsemen of the apocalypse concept, and everything else that comes with this plus things i wasnt able to mention its very self indulgent ngl

but yes, it's about the apocalypse four (max, patrick, fred, and chrissy) and how they get turned into the upside down four horsemen of the apocalypse aka the four chimes of catastrophe by vecna, and they become his way of furthering chaos and destruction in hawkins, while also using them to get rid of his thorns aka the party and co

nobody's having a fun time lol

i've already got a lot of it planned out, i just need to write it lmao asufhaishdf

its funny because this all started when finn sent an ask to his friend about how the four victims of vecna are paralleled to the four horsemen of the apocalypse

on top of me already thinking about this, i saw the ask and pretty much ran with it

also, here's a bonus just for you! the following are the arc names of the og four chimes au (and technically still the general arc names regardless of the sub aus, tho ofc with some differences here and there):

pre-shattering

during catastrophe - the four chimes

during catastrophe - contact to familiarity

during catastrophe - jailbreak

during catastrophe - void dark

during catastrophe - escape the dark

during catastrophe - resonance

during catastrophe - the end

post-apocalypse

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What paths did you originally have planned for Robin? I wanna see how close my own ideas are lol :D :D :D

so robin is very feral yes AHSIFUHASf

im pretty sure i explained it a bit before but robin got hit by an arrow that was meant for nancy in the ciquest au, and because of nancy, she's able to find the will to fight back against the infection instead of succumbing to it, making it her own

One and the chimes sees how she's evolving and don't like it, so lence's suggestion of getting nancy takes priority, and so it happens

nance becomes quest and now the battle is on

robin is obviously devastated and the gang is slightly in shambles because of how much nancy brings to the table, and now she's gone—no, worse, she's being used for the other side

so robin steps up to the plate in multiple ways, trying her best to fill the void nancy was forced to leave behind

the burden on her is so heavy considering she got a power she technically never expected to have nor wanted, but now it's on her to make the most use of it

she usually questions why it was her who was in this situation and literally not anybody else who she thinks could definitely do better

lots of questions and wondering for her

now, unlike with renegade, she doesn't lose herself technically, but she gets close, like a lot

though should i mention that there was a little kidnapping that happened? the person who was kidnapped in question being someone who is very important to robin and may have caused a some strain and conflict for her and the chimes?

yeah, the chimes kidnapped steve to lure robin to them so that they can take her down

it was conquest's idea :)

robin was very much not happy about that btw

lots of things happen and as said, robin was very much close to losing it so many times but she doesn't for a couple of reasons

renegade is a completely new take and direction of ciquest and just four chimes in general, and im so interested in seeing where it goes, so very interested <333

i feel like im not able to tell robin's full story here, both because we want to keep some things hidden and also because my brain is kinda not working rn AHSFUHASF mb on that one

but yeah, that's generally it, tho if you got more questions, feel free to send an ask to either me or finn, and if we remember something in particular, we'll make sure to mention it

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And tell us more about the Chimes themselves please? Like what are they like? What kind of abilities do they have? I may need some ideas for a fight scene… hehe

here's the longest part because...lore dump yes

the chimes our beloveds <33

so the chimes. in our 68600 messages (as of the moment) of a four chimes dump, we've built up the characters and personalities of the chimes, and somewhere in this thread is the scattered information on them

now, i unfortunately dont have the time and patience to go through the thread to find all of the little information, but we'll do our best to give a good rundown of their characters

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here you go with the characters and personalities first:

famine

wields throwing knives

very loyal to One (meaning he gaslit her so much for that loyalty to come to be, a consequence of being his first chime)

wants to be the leader because she thinks (and is gaslit to think) that she deserves it (One really likes to cause discord between his chimes)

having no prior connection to the main gang—or thorns as they call the gang—besides eddie who is dead and a spectre here, so she's the one who has the least moments of "remembering their past life" before

is very brutal and ruthless and likely the one the gang got the most injuries from in a general sense

death

wields a large scythe

my secret blorb

most likely to actually defy One, and fun fact, he has an au called the runaway au where he, a chime in the middle of the battle between the upside down and right side up, got to run and escape from One before certain things happened, which then causes a chain reaction in this au ofc

he's a coward, and this plays a lot into his actions and interactions

technically had a connection with nancy in the gang, but with conquest here, it gets harder for him to connect, but robin actually steps up to the plate here

war

wields a sword

is the most balanced out of everyone when looking at his loyalty and his defiance to One, in the middle of the pack in that sense

his past life of abuse shows up a lot when it comes to One, so he tends to throw others under the bus to not get caught in the crossfire (not that he wants to do this, but he also doesnt want to gain One's ire)

just generally very chill, the most chill out of every one here

is the medic of the team because of how he's the personification of war

has a connection with lucas in the gang, so that's something that gets him to "remember" some stuff in a way

pestilence

wields bow and arrows

finn and mine's blorb

leader in og, former leader in ciquest/conquest

if you can only see the rambles we have on her…it will take days to get through

will take the bullet for the other chimes when it comes to One's ire

vec has a tighter hold on her because she's max

literally connected with everyone, will have a lot of moments where she feels familiarity (and will subsequently get punished for it later)

second most gaslit by One in a way, which is big oof

conquest

wields a sawed-off shotgun

the leader in ciquest/conquest aus

very protective of all the chimes and especially lence

vec also has tighter hold on her because she's nancy

last one to fall, was suggested by lence to be taken

more aware of things than the other chimes, but still completely controlled by One

same case as lence, but even more so considering she's been there since the start of it all (does her best to take most of lence's punishments as her own when One goes after them)

gets very hyperfocused with robin (vaguely aware the thorn makes her weak in some sense but quest doesn't care), but is frustrated she cant hurt her too much because lence will get hurt too (and maybe another reason deep down, but she doesnt acknowledge it)

all of them

they're all dog coded

One can summon them/call them whenever and its shown through the shivering cold in their necks, like what happens with will

One wants them to be just the way he wants them, meaning the way they died and got transformed into chimes must be how they are no matter what (this includes clothes, hair, weapons, and everything in general)

the only new addition he accepts them to have are new scars :')

the chimes have such a complicated relationship, but at the end of the day, post-vec, they love each other

note for them individually: there's a lot more that i want to add but my brain is blanking a little and i am probably forgetting some things, but here are some of the important things to note (remember this is incomplete to everything we wanna add ASFHUIASFh)

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some relationship notes (by pairs, groups are another story)

min clashes with death when it comes to lence, but otherwise are fine with each other, neutral in general but are connected as the first two chimes of One

min and war are not quite friends, more distant than friends but closer than allies… (very interesting when you note how they were in their Before)

has a very one-sided antagonistic rivalry with lence, especially when it comes to the leadership position (this changes a bit when quest is in play as she's the leader, but there's still the rivalry with lence despite not being leader in ciquest/conquest), will be very callous in a way with her, but they actually work well together, especially as the similar twin concepts of famine and pestilence

quest is able to take min's bitterness mostly in a stride and keeps her in check from being too antagonistic when it comes to leadership roles and just generally (helps because quest understands them in a way, though she doesnt understand why she does)

death and war are more or less chill with each other, most cordial relationship out of every single chime relationship and the least tension filled, just vibing so real (though war knows death is a coward and death knows that war knows it)

death and lence are surprisingly close, only second to quest for lence (and death too technically, which is inspired by their Before), this relationship is due to the fact that in canon, max got to see and technically interact with chrissy, patrick, and nancy, but never with fred, so we saw it and ran with it and now they're close here

death and quest are more or less okay with each other, and their Before helped them understand each other better, unlike the other chimes' Before affecting their relationships in another way

war and lence are complicated, since war throws lence under the bus the most (especially in og) to avoid One's ire, and lence understands why, because of her own Before (and it doesnt help that she takes bullets for the other chimes), but they're both fine more or less

war and quest are similar to min and lence with the similar concepts, war and conquest, fire and lava, war follows quest to the T (just like he does with lence in og but more so here with quest), and they work well together because of their similar concepts

lence and quest are the closest out of everyone, helped by their Before and their instincts with each other, confides with each other a lot and are just helping each other no matter what, tho ofc this comes with the consequence of One seeing this "weakness" of theirs and using this bond between them to punish them when he sees fit

although here's a note about this too: finn said "honestly tho their relationships r So complicated its hard to capture in a few sentences", and i agree, what you just read is just some general thoughts on their relationships, but god is there so much more to them all, and if we want to really show you the relationships in full, we would have to ramble it all out ASHUFIUASHF but yeah

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here you go with their abilities:

famine

knife throwing, very fast and precise

the fastest of the chimes

can cripple the energy and power of a person

takes down the food supply and wilts crops

can take the energy and vitality of a being and/or object

death

scythe proficiency

is the slowest of the chimes

everything related to death

teleportation through the shadows

summon bone beings

forming shadow tendrils kinda

exudes the ambiance of the end of life, striking a deep sense of fear

war

fireeeee

flame sword, very proficient with swords

second fastest of the chimes

use the molotovs and flamethrowers against the gang because fire for real

hot skin, literally

can cause a sense of crisis and rage in those near

lence

causes sickness (through arrows) and disorientation of people (through aura exuded)

poison arrows

has a balisong (one she had as max—this is an hc we have) and uses it as an extra weapon

second slowest of the chimes

infect people to insanity or to do her bidding

also wilts flowers and plants in general

aura vision (she's blind because of her interrupted transformation due to el but she can see the sort of "auras" of beings, especially the upside down ones)

quest

gun proficient (obviously)

very precise shots

her gun can either fire in a scattered way like a shotgun or only one bullet at a time, it depends on quest herself

lava (we were thinking mix of fire and earth for conquest, hence lava)

also hot skin, literally

in the middle of the fast and slow spectrum

can summon different types of guns, smaller guns takes less energy for her actually, but One doesn't like that so she doesn't do it much, if at all

all

sort of intangibility (only works when they're full on chime mindset, if their anchor selves start waking up and breaching the surface, they become vulnerable and the intangibility doesnt work)

connected to One's power

summoning their weapons

connected to their hounds (their horses)

faster healing

technically immortality (as long as One is around)

and bonus!

robin

connected to lence, draws power from her

trying to infect her even more causes robin to grow stronger and lence to grow weaker (this is important to note heheheh)

means she's a bit more feral though (she gets close to losing herself but doesnt fully)

becomes more durable and stronger and the best at dealing with the chimes in the long run

also faster healing

another note: i am very sure i forgot some things so yeah, assume this list is incomplete AHSFIUHASF but thats what we can remember off the top of our heads

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

anywho, yeah! that's pretty much a lore dump and a half, except i also know its not complete and there's still so much more we want to say but are unable to mention it for several reasons

but maybe those are asks for another day (wink wink, go check out @lumaxramblings' askbox too yesyes)

thank you for the ask! and i hope this helped with the renegade au yesyes <33

see ya around

[fuwaprince]

My love told me to stay gone...

Then messaged me saying hi (makes me think, "huh?..."). Last night I dropped off his laundry after finding a friend willing to let me use their laundry machine to do it. I did it all nice and folded... but when I dropped it off he didn't open the door- come to find out he was sleeping with someone else... after telling me he was too loyal not to at that. I don't want to think about what they may have been doing. I feel like a fool... It feels like he only liked me for my company, for sexual pleasure... and what I managed to provide us. I'm doing my best to keep on keeping on, focus instead on handling responsibilities and improve my own life so that my future is better. I want better for myself. For him, too, in spite of it all.

I'm also praying and hoping for a good lover to come into my life. One who knows right from wrong, who doesnt hurt me in terrible ways, who protects me and takes care of us. Who has a stable job with parents/a family who might accept me or even love me... who is with me through sickness and health. Who knows how to make me smile and enjoys my silly laugh. My mom tells me she prays I get a good husband one day. I suppose that makes her and I what they call hopeless romantics.

I used to think of "us" and use it as a drive. Now it just hurts. I can't really talk to anybody about this heartbreak either (bc it feels annoying to dump all this onto anybody- especially people who are kind and good to me), so I'm blogging about it. He's still unwell, still starving and still in so much need. I can't help but care.

I hope whoever he's with now is taking good care of him, not putting him down and careful with his heart. He said he hates me and all these things... I dont even know where it all came from... A good friend questioned if he was going crazy or on drugs and I really don't know. I've been drug free (makes me so happy!!! It literally brings tears in my eyes to be able to say that honestly). My past love tells me he is but then when he gets hospitalized they tell me he has stuff in his system and I don't understand why or why he lies to me. Anyways, it makes me cry... I cried while leaving his house last night. I have so much compassion, but it does hurt. Deeply... Have you ever been betrayed and hurt by a love?

Rn I know that I need to prioritize myself for once. I can't let this heartbreak and mean, nonapplicable words destroy my progress. I am confident in my self. I know I am worthy of more than what I experienced. Of respect, truth, kindness, love, support, acceptance, opportunity and understanding. I can't deny that I still have love for him. It's just not right how I'm being treated tho... after everything I did for him (which was quite a lot...). Every day I take the steps to move forward with my life and take my future back.

Whoever is reading this, hi and I love you. Thank you for listening. I hope today is a good day for both of us. Thanks for pausing your scrolling to read how I'm doing 🫂 x x. Keep on, keep strong, keep loving no matter what

[softxsuki]

Hello, I’m.. new to this. But reading your works have comforted me … I know you have a lot on your plate, and I hope all is going well for you!! If you,,have the chance,, I’ve kind of.. not been doing well. At all. Haha,, I’ve been extremely suicidal.. for at least the past year. Everything has since fell apart. I’m not sure if this counts, but..it feels urgent, to me..?

My grandmother died, I lost my job due to my health declining so rapidly I physically could not manage. I’ve since applied to so many jobs.. absolutely no luck and.. I even lost my home. Im living with someone else’s parents, and I’m a child scared to leave their room all over again. I can’t eat unless food is in front of me, none of my friends are… good, at comforting, to say the least… I have well over 1K due for medical bills, and no one will even take me for an interview, so I can’t even pay off little by little. Lol..I pretty much moved out at 17 and have been surviving by myself for 6 years now.

Im so tired of surviving.

If.. if you don’t mind.. honestly I don’t even know what kind of scenario this would count as…. Baji has been my biggest comfort character as of late, and I.. well, would you mind,, possibly writing a scenario.. of reader who’s spiraled so far into these thoughts, and in the midst of a panic attack, attempts to.. stop surviving, if you catch my drift..

I know this is very personal, and I’m sorry to dump on you.. if you’re unable, all is well! Thank u for taking time to read my pity story haha.. <3

Baji Helps Suicidal Reader

****Please proceed with caution if mentions of suicide will be more harmful to you than beneficial.*****

Pairing: Baji x Gn!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of hopelessness, suicide attempt, crying, not being able to find a job, losing your home

Genre: Hurt Comfort

Post-Type: Oneshot

Word Count: 1.7k

Summary: In which Baji shows up as soon as you attempt to take your own life.

[A/N: Hi darling, I'm so glad you found my blog and for feeling comfortable enough to bring your urgent request to me! I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through. I can't begin to imagine how you must be feeling. Though I've felt similarly about the the whole job thing. Places these days won't even give people a chance to show what they could do. I graduated from College and couldn't find work immediately. I'm still struggling to find a job in my field even now. I have a job at a bookstore atm, but it took a long time for me to get it. I think when they timing is right though, things will work out for us. We really just need to wait for things to happen and keep working for them! But you're also going through a lot of other situations as well, so my words probably aren't that helpful, so I'll leave that to Baji. I'm here if you ever need anyone to talk to though. I've been through moments of hopelessness and feeling like leaving this world was my only option, but I'm proof that things will change. There will always be times when we fall, but we can always get back up again! Anyway, I'll shut up now and let you read. I hope it provides you with even just a tiny bit of comfort <3 i love you, hopefully we can talk again soon, you sound very sweet!

Side note: I wasn’t sure if you wanted something platonic or if you wanted to be Baji’s s/o so I left that kinda ambiguous. You could read it either way!

Baji impatiently taps his foot, sitting on his bike outside your place. Where were you?

You had texted him earlier asking him to pick you up since the people you were living with weren’t home and you just needed to get out for a while. He came rushing over as soon as he had a chance and texted you upon arriving, but you weren’t answering his texts–you weren’t even reading them. 

He knew all about your situation in life and had tried his best to be by your side and show you the support that you deserved to have. He wasn’t perfect though, at times it was hard for Baji to truly put himself in your shoes and understand what you were going through.

Now though, he was worried. Why had you texted so desperately that you needed to get out of the house? Why weren’t you answering his texts now?

He turns his engine off and hops off the bike, walking briskly to your front door.

“Y/N! I’m here,” He bangs on the door, hoping you were just distracted and forgot to check your phone to see his texts.

But he’s met with silence. 

“Y/N!” He tries again, panic settling in the pit of his stomach and he bangs harder on the door–something wasn’t right.

He brings his ear to the door hoping to hear any sign of life and that’s when he hears it, the running of water and sobs from the other side. Gathering whatever adrenaline had been building up in him, he rams into the door, which luckily flies open from the impact. The sound of your sobs grows louder the closer he gets to you. You were in the bathroom.

The door is only a crack open, but he races toward the noise, slamming the door fully open and takes in your state; puffy eyes as tears run from them not that he could distinguish your tears from the hot water that was pouring on you from the shower-head. You were sitting in the tub, soaking wet with a bottle of pills in your hands.

Your breathing was erratic as you struggled to open the bottle, but Baji is quick to act. He’s in the shower with you in a second, the burning water scalding his body even through his jacket, but he doesn’t care since it’s now not hitting you anymore. He snatches the pills from your hands, throwing them out the bathroom door and into the hallway where you can’t see them. In your state of panic, you start to flail around, seeing that bottle as your only escape from the mental pain you were experiencing. He finally turns the water off and hoists you up, your attempts to push him away and hit him futile. His adrenaline is still high as he lifts you from the tub with ease and onto the bathroom floor where he plops down next to you, out of breath.

You can’t seem to calm your breathing down as you clutch your chest, searching all around you with wild eyes, looking for a way out. Anything to end your suffering–anything. But then you feel strong arms wrap around you in a hug. You beat down on his back, trying your best to shake him off you. Let go of me, you think to yourself. Maybe you meant it in a different way, Let me go. Let me be free from this pain. But deep down, you wanted him to continue to hold you in place.

“Y/N please-” His voice cracks, making you go still in his arms. What were you doing?

“Please, I’m here. You’re not alone, I’m right here and I’m not going anywhere,” he cries, “So don’t leave me.”

The man who had nerves of steel was breaking right in front of you.

He held you tight, as if he was scared you’d just vanish between his fingers. 

What feels like hours passes by with you both still soaking wet on the floor, clinging to each other, but you slowly manage to calm your breathing and sobs thanks to Baji’s help. 

He had been silent the whole time, focusing on just making sure you wouldn’t try anything else while he was around.

“I’m sorry…” you finally say, resting your head on his shoulder, “I’m sorry you had to see me like this.”

He finally loosens his grip on you, but continues to hold you close, caressing your still damp hair, “Why?”

That was a great question. One you couldn’t answer in only a few minutes. Baji knew the basics of what you’d been through, but he didn’t know the turmoil of what you were going through internally–only externally.

“I’m just…tired. Tired of surviving, tired of suffering. I’m barely scraping by. Is this what life’s supposed to be like? I look around at all the happy faces. Everyone seems to be living the ideal life and I’m just here, so why should I bother to exist if I don’t matter.”

He takes in your words, thinking them over, probably repeating them over and over in his head.

“You matter,” he decides to say, “You matter so much. Even if you only matter to one person, isn’t that enough to keep trying? One person can eventually grow into two, and three, and so on.”

“Baji…you don’t know what it’s like. I’ve already tried for so long. It’s been six long years. I’ve tried to see the good in my situation for six years, and yet I only keep getting pushed farther and farther past my limit. I can’t find a job, and because I can’t find a job, I can’t pay off my debt. I’m living in a house that isn’t mine with people who aren’t my family. I’m alone,” you cry out.

By now you had freed yourself from Baji’s arms, but he reaches over and grabs your hand, squeezing it reassuringly, scared that you’d run away from him.

“But if you leave now how do you know that tomorrow won’t be the day that things change?” He asks you, “Look, I know I can’t ever fully understand what goes on through your mind or what you’ve been through up till this point, but you can’t know what your life will be like a few months from now–hell, not even a few days from now. Everything can change in a second, you just need to be around to experience it.”

He brings your hands to his lips, peppering tiny kisses to your knuckles.

“I love you, a lot Y/N. Too much to just let you leave like this. Let’s try focusing on today. Each day has its own troubles, so why should we think about the future and worry ourselves even more for problems we haven’t reached yet? We’ll cross those valleys when we get to them. Right now, I just want you to focus on yourself, getting back on your feet and in a better state of mind,” he tries to console you.

His words definitely reached you. Truth be told, you knew things could maybe change, but it was hard to move forward with such uncertainty. Why couldn’t you know what would happen with your life five years from now? 

“But what if things don’t change. I don’t want to live like this forever. I don’t want to suffer anymore,” you confess, hot tears running down your face.

Baji turns to face you, gently wiping your tears away.

“But what if they do? Don’t you want to stick around to find that out for yourself?” He asks.

You stop and think it over for a moment; a life where things finally turned around–you finally getting called in for an interview and getting a job, receiving an income and finally getting to pay your debts off. Having your own place where you felt comfortable and maybe starting a family of your own…yeah, that did sound nice. As impossible as that future sounded, it was something you craved.

“I guess I do,” you sigh, “Though I wish it could happen now.”

“I know. I wish it could happen now for you as well. I hate to see you suffer so much, but you’re not alone in this. I have your back. So let’s keep fighting okay? Together, let’s see it through till the end when things finally turn around for you.”

“Baji, you know I can’t just feel better overnight. I think I’ll be okay for today, but who’s to tell when I’ll spiral like this again.”

“Then I’ll be here to get you through it again.”

A wave of gratitude flew through you. You don’t know why Baji arrived on time when you were fully ready to leave this world a few minutes ago, but now you were thankful that he had stopped you. You didn’t want to hurt him or leave him alone, but you found a little ball of hope appearing in your heart. Though tiny, it was still present and you hoped it would continue to grow and become reality one day.

“I’ll try.”

“Good. Then shall we go? You said you wanted out of here for the day, right?” He goes right back to treating you like he usually would–something you were grateful for. You didn’t want him to walk on eggshells around you after witnessing you at your lowest moment.

“But we’re still wet,” you point-out, looking at his clothes that were still clinging to his body.

“The wind will dry us,” he heaves himself off the floor and holds a hand out to you, “Let’s go.”

You give him your hand as he helps you off the floor. What did you have to lose? At this point you didn’t care, you just needed to get your mind off everything.

Baji leads you out of the house, grabbing the bottle of pills on his way out and throwing them in his jacket pocket, making a mental note to discard them later. You walk past the open door with a lock that was now busted off the wall. You’d have to explain that to the people you lived with, but you’d face that problem when you got to it–just like Baji said. 

You hop on behind him on his motorbike as he passes you his helmet, making sure it’s securely on your head before he drives off. 

For just a moment, the wind seems to blow all the worries from your mind. With your arms wrapped tightly around Baji’s torso, you close your eyes and think of those better days he had spoken about.

Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to see if they could really happen…

REQUESTS ARE OPEN :D

Posted: 2/15/2023

[pinkyjulien]

🟨 HighVoltage: Just "Married" 🦝💍🔧

Aaaaaah 👉👈 this is a repost from my old blog again hgfhgf but this one is dear to meeeeee

Shouldn't begin to talk about all the lore here cause- IT CAN GET LONG HGFH Buuuut But I kinda want to gfhhgf

I'll try to do a TL:DR ▶ (ok so after writing, it''s pretty long LMAO lore dump 🤡)

Valentin's canon follow the game's canon but is heavily edited, he's still a V and still deals with Dex, Johnny yadda yadda

Instead of Takemura takin' him from the junkyard tho, it's Mitch and Scorpion who finds him during what should've been a standard scavenging routine

Takin his half-dead ass back to camp, where Dakota was around for some days, she recognized Valentin (he used to work a bit at her garage after she helped him hide from the Wraiths) and tells the ripper to keep the extracted bullet; it's a miracle that kid is still alive, he shouldn't be (and for sure, it's only thanks to the chip, right)

Skipping over a BIG CHUNK of lore here, Val' bonds a bit with Scorp and Mitch, meet with Panam, they prepare the kang-tao shit, the kang-tao shit happens, Valentin saves Mitch's ass and all

then during Scorpion's funeral, Mitch thanks Valentin by giving him a necklace made with the extracted bullet (instead of the figurine, he keeps it) and Valentin won't take it off ever since he got it

They keep on getting closer and closer, starting to crush on each others, they also keep saving each others from potential death (Valentin tries to save Saul by himself, feeling guilty of the wraith attack, rumors started to spread that he was ex-wraith and he felt responsible, it turns to shit and Panam, Mitch and vets goes to save him)

Speed forward to The Star ending, everyone is kind of aware that those two are in love now- but not doing anything about it, ignoring those feelings, Valentin dealing with his low self esteem and past trauma of being used and lied to, Mitch having his own demon with the recent lost of Driss, self conscious about a lot of things (his appearance, his age...)

But after a talk with Panam, Val realize they might very well just- fuckin' die tomorrow, so he decide to check in with Cassidy and see if he can help slicing the bullet in half (after checking with Dakota if it's be "ok", not wanting to potentially fuck any... "spell" or force that the bullet holds with everything that happened to him; she understand instantly for *whom* the other half is for and assure him that it's the good thing to do)

He was supposed to give it to Mitch that evening, but one thing leading to another, everybody got drunk and partied, Valentin got his tattoos on his shoulder, and kind of forgot.

MikoSHIT day happens, and as Mitch was about to leave for the Panzer in that tunnel, Valentin grabs him and finally "kiss" him (more like- smash their mouths together, it was a quick, bad kiss, full of regrets and unsaid feelings) and they both share So Much in those short minutes, Mitch having a reason to survive even tho he was well ready to give up his life for his family, for him

Post mikoshi, both Val and Mitch ends up in pretty bad states, going on and off coma, loosing track of time- but everytime one of them wakes up, they ask for the other

At one point, Valentin wake up for a day, going to see Mitch in another tent and placing the half-bullet necklace around his neck, kissing him shyly in his sleep, hoping wishing for him to come back

Later it's Mitch turn to wake up, noticing the bullet around his neck, and taking one of his dogtags off to place it on Valentin's necklace, who's now back into a deep, needed sleep

They're eventually both OK to move and so the 'Caldos prepare to leave for Arizona, similar to the game's canon

But instead of piloting with Panam, Mitch is the one to share the panzer with Valentin, and while on the lake they both talk a lot, happy to both be alive and with each others, and finally share a prope kiss, that slowly grow into something more, until a thunderstorm pop and having to go get back into the panzer, not letting go of the others, sharing their first time linked together (it was also Valentin first first time, pretty intense and full of emotion) as the raindrops falls against the metal and thunder echoing outside

AND LIKE. SPEED FORWARD AGAIN, They're in Arizona now, but Valentin's condition is slowly degrading, everyone can see it, and they eventually find a really good Nomad "hospital" with folks ready to try and help him, even tho it'll be a heavy surgery and nobody knows how it'll go and if it'll even work

But not wanting to make the same mistake as before, with the fear of loosing him, Mitch ask Panam (now leader of the clan) if she could "make them official" (I do believe the 'caldos have some ritual for couples, not necessary a proper weddings like statics- but then again it depends on the peeps, everybody can do whatever they want! What's sure tho is that there's a big party uwu)

She accept of course, and Mitch tells Val, they're both excited but afraid, knowing what it all means, that Valentin could die, and this is a way to tie them together forever

and basically their """wedding rings"""" are their necklaces, that they had around their necks for a long time now, and were always so important to them; but now it's official and celebrated by everyone

AAAAAAAH. THIS WAS LONG, god DAMN 🤓🤏

If ya read all that? Well first off I apologize, writing is one of my big insecurity and I lack the skill TOTALLY. I been writing here and there in private for myself, I'll eventually get better but yeah for now you have this weird puddle of words 🤠

ALSO really want to one day properly share Valentin's lore, it's been cooking for literal years now and I want to share it with you all gfhh

[artist-issues]

Honestly the main beef I have with this whole snowwhite business is that i think at least forty to sixty percent of the magic that comes from the animated movie is like, the animals? that animation itself is probably the more accurate reason, I suppose. I don't know enough words to describe this accurately but i don't see how live action could capture the sheer delight of two birds wringing out a shirt, or a turtle being used as washboard, or raccoons trying to sweep dust under the rug before Snow White scolds them.

I think the animation style is just, a delight to the eyes. and cgi cant mimic that whatsoever yet unless your under a talented director that knows precisely what they are doing. and I don't think that kind of director would even work with Disney in the first place.

Unrelated but a while ago i was listening to some of the songs of the original cause i suspected that those were the most slept on songs of the famous Disney Song discography in pop culture, and something that leapt out to me in the I'm Wishing song, is that it doesn't really matter whether or not the Wishing Well is actually magic, because Snow White making a wish into a well that makes a loud echo is precisely what gets the Prince's attention, and thus, by making a genuine wish from the heart, actually made it come true, which is payed off in the end because her Prince remembers and searches for her, which also means that by making a genuine wish in faith right in the beginning of her story ensured her being found/woken up in the end of the film, which...is like really neat when you think about it. I have trouble thinking of any Disney Princess that makes an action right at the beginning of her story that ensures at least a part of their ending.

i wouldn't have realized it without finding your post laying out how cool the Original Snow White film was, so thank you.

as for the whole Snow White Live Action situation I did think a good portion of the situation was rather stupid, as when i heard that a live action was in the works I didnt even have the energy to roll my eyes becuase I honestly thought that the Mouse was scrapping the bottom of the barrel on that one. I do think that Ms. Ziegler was downright stupid about her comments and should have been far more tactful, and I also do think that a lot of the response to her comments were out of proportion. Its a shame because while i'm sure some of the response was based in pointless racism; I think a lot more of the internet response was just dumping their frustrations on Ziegler rather than the real culprit of the whole damn mess, which is the Mouse. (Also personally I have heard this chick sing and I don't think her voice matches whatsoever. tho the same can be said for plenty of the live action singing at this point.)

i really like your blog and find your writing interesting. Thank you for putting your blog out here. I don't agree with everything you write of course, but i appreciate having the chance to read them. I wrote this mostly for kicks cause i've been thinking of reaching out for awhile and i figured i might as well do it now.

hope you have a good day

I appreciate all this so much! (naturally I wonder which things you disagree with but I guess that’s neither here nor there) YES, totally, the part with the wishing well, that’s the idea! The Queen is all about disguises and tricks, and the Dwarves hide from strangers, but Snow White does neither of those things; she’s all heart all the time, and acts on faith, especially in her attitude.

I agree with you about Zegler, and I agree with you about the animation style. It’s all so good, and as the first animated feature film, it’s hard to imagine the story not animated. Everything is very soft, water-colored, and round. I don’t think any live-action attempt can come close to that while still looking…well, real!

Anyway. Thank you for your comments!

[glitchkoi]

Jdksktk i recently got a new phone and i havent bothered to put tumblr on it uet but tbh its kind of fun switching between phones for certain things. But im probably gonna be a lot less active from now on on all my aes blogs now lol

[armatization-a]

❤️ SPILL THAT TEA

you know, this isn't going to be a funny story. usually i'd talk about the time someone's character asked mine if he could 'feel their bladders beating', or the times i got pressured into instant replying. or the RP groups i was in

but this? this is a much sadder story, and explains who i am today. and why i joined Tumblr

i was actually kinda... pressured into it? by a friend of mine. we didn't share a fandom at the time, but we wrote together. i feel okay talking about this bc no one is gonna guess who this is lmao. but yeah. so we were close before this. like, super close

then they joined my fandom, and everything changed

it felt like if i didn't reply now right now, i was a terrible person. i was always walking on eggshells bc Lord knows we can't upset them. they'd make me write whatever they want but never returned the favour. they once tried to make me write Askr stuff but i outright fucking refused bc i didn't wanna get into FEH. but fuck me, right? because they got into my fandoms for me - despite me never asking them to

i'd post a reply, and get a message a second later. never anything good. always some kind of complaint. it came to a point where the Discord noise actually became upsetting to me because i thought, what did i do now?

i was told i had to make a sideblog bc they didn't wanna write That Stuff on main even though i didn't fucking care. i made one when i remade but still

i wasn't allowed to make friends on this stupid site without being made to feel bad about it. i'd mention my best friend and i'd get a funny response. i'd reply to someone else first on Tumblr and that's that. they once got angry with me for like 2 days because i forgot two things out of the literal 30 things we had together. even tho i even posted "i've finished my drafts please tell me if i forgot something"

i was always the bad guy. always

eventually we remade together, then they told me we can't be mutuals because ??????? i don't even KNOW why. this came out of the blue that we basically couldn't be friends in public anymore. then when i reacted like "okay" they unfriended me and just dumped me as a friend. like. okay

i posted about a certain... event in my life. an event they'd know would be upsetting for me. a couple days later, i made a vague post about feeling free - free from a lot of people from my old blog, but also from them. next thing i know i get a LOT of messages on main about how i'm a terrible person and making a vague jab about the event that happened

so they were stalking my blog. they knew. they fucking KNEW

anyway i accidentally found out they now list my OTP as a NOTP which is hilariously petty considering they didn't hate it before

and this colours why i struggle to get close to people and why i keep everyone at arm's length nowadays. this isn't especially RP related but it sure left me with a lot of Issues lol

[cinnamonest]

I think I know why i loves this blog (and you, of course!) So much. My parents was separated when I was just a baby and I lived with my mom ever since, and that mean I lack love with my father. We still connected, because he DOES love me, they divorced because back then apparently my father was a playboy and my mom, being young and all, didn't like it and they keep arguing about it (lol).

Also I've been craving to have older brother ever since I was a kid, so when I first got exposed with Germancest from hetalia I was like,.. very fond of it.

And so began my journey exploring incest porn (this all happen when I was just 3rd grade istg😭) and I found comfort from Prussia being used as a cum dump by his brother Germany. I love seeing the character just receiving everything open handedly and let the seme do all the shit for him.

And whenever there was a handsome anime character i like, I always imagine being their little sister. I'm just that desperate, and I know I can't have an older sibling because I'm literally the first child.

It was then during the end of my high school year I started liking dilf. Everytime I saw a daddy material character i wanted to be his daughter. Wouldn't it be so good to have such kind and wealthy daddy?.

But when I met my father later on, i kinda feel embarrassed and bad, because how the fuck I can like someone (FICTIONAL) who are the same age as my own father?. I always feeling guilty about it but I cannot stop either, i already swim so deep into it.

But then I found your blog!, And when you explaining all these kinks are just for coping and not for real life, it made me realize.

Right, i like it because it is FICTIONAL. I like to IMAGINE being non conned by a character i like in my MIND, but NOT REAL LIFE. I like incest and dilf because I lack love and care from older man, so I cope with it by liking a character from anime or games. And it DOES help me a lot. There's time where I failed my class and need to redoing it again next year, and if it were not for these kinks and fictional men I would have killed myself back then.

Maybe that's also why i enjoy making something like, dad!(character) x child!reader, because it gives me a sense of comfort I never had. Also also, I actually not that good with kids in real life, but fictionally, i wanted to have many kids as possible with my men lol.

Thank you Lena for opening my eyes👁️👄👁️I love you!

In addition for my earlier' ask, i found out I like passive and submissive type of darling when I read 'x reader'. Idk but I find it to be so cute??, Because In all honestly as someone who are craving for love so bad, if there's someone who loves me I will give my all to love him back.

Maybe this is why I like yandere guy, because he will only love me and no one else (wait this sound like I'm a yandere too, lmaoo)

That's why when I read x reader fics and the darling being very piece of shit especially if the yandere was actually a soft Yan like Zhongli, I always like, 'nooo he loves you and soft with you, i know what he's doing is bad but he didn't hurt you that bad right :(( '

Basically i don't really like aggressive type of darling, that's one thing i always avoid when reading fics, but other than that I always down for everything, ehe <3.

(exception for Yans like Xiao, that boy kinda deserve to be treated like a shit accordingly due to his behavior)

------

NOT THE XIAO SLANDER lol you’re right tho

HETALIA WAS MY EXPOSURE TO INCEST SHIPPING TOO OMG. I used to ship America with everyone so I liked AmeCan in addition to USUK and AmeBel lol.

But yes I think a lot of people go through a “shame phase” when it comes to this sort of thing, I definitely did, spent years feeling like there was something wrong with me.

Also don’t feel bad about having to redo classes or anything like that -- there’s a huge pressure to do things perfectly but no one can do things perfectly, it’s perfectly normal to repeat classes, I think there’s a lot of people who don’t want to admit it so we don’t realize how common it is.

I’m also bigger on more submissive/scared darling inserts... I’m a very nonaggressive person tbh. A lot of yandere fanfiction has the darling like insulting them, hurting them and fighting super hard and I can’t relate very well 😅 I prefer a darling that like, doesn’t just lie down and accept it, but more like tries to be sneaky and work around the yan/try to escape by acting or underhanded, covert methods, bc I know that’s what I would do lol. I’d be way too scared to be super defiant, a stubborn brat sure but not extremely defiant.

But I’m so glad you were able to come to that acceptance!! It’s a great feeling to finally reach the point where you accept that there’s nothing wrong with you and just say fuck it to social stigmas against certain types of content.

[angelicimagines]

Hello there! Love this blog! Do any of the mods have general headcanons on what the V3 cast was like pregame? Thanks!

I’m gonna let the other mods add to this if they want to, because I only have a few head-canons of the characters pregame.

Such lovely headcanons you have there mod Chihiro, I'd be a shame if someone wee to…add on to them.

–Mod Shuichi

Yes it would be

Wouldn't it

-Mod Kaz🔧

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

Shuichi Saihara

Shy and reserved

He just likes watching anime alone honestly

He’s scared people will judge him, but he can rant about anime endlessly if you get him talking

Has a resting bitch face pretty much all of the time so it's very hard to read him

Will be more expressive when he's talking about his interests or you are sharing yours

Rantaro Amami

Slightly rude on the outside, but he has good intentions

Inside him there are two wolves, one that wants emotional connection and one that fears it, it's a constant battle

Has an arsenal of sarcastic comments at his disposal at all times

Vibes in a 7 eleven at the ungodly hours of the night and trauma dumps on the cashier, you have to apologize to the poor cashier

He gets very huggy sometimes but will deny everything to hell or say it's not a big deal and to not read into it

Very Forgetful. I mean he will not remeber your name for the life of him

Kokichi Ouma

Chill

He doesn’t really mind what other people think about him

He's a big daydreamer so he doesn't really see where he's going, he bumps into people and things a lot because of this.

Gets dragged around on some very questionable adventures with the rest of his friends and you and he just has the time of his life

He gets whiny when you don't hug him enough, he likes his cuddles man

Kaede Akamatsu

She means well and cares about her classmates but won't hesitate to kill a bitch

She's just done with everyone's antics, but if someone even looks at one of her friends the wrong way she won't hesitate bitch

Will die before she admits it but she likes flower crowns, make her one and she will be indebted to you forever

She's the class rep/president and thrives in that position, Kokichi is jealous

Shuts down when you compliment her genuinely, she doesn't expect it

Ryoma Hoshi

He is done, with everything tbh

Loves his classmates don't get him wrong, but they're just dumb as bricks

Basically everyone's tutor, he says he doesn't get paid enough for it

Sometimes indulges himself in some minor crime with you and it results in y'all running around town and almost crashing the car

Designated guardian of the class and hates his position, complains to Kirumi

Angie Yonaga

Really sweet and kind!

She loves to help other people accomplish things, but she can be a bit possessive.

Can be seen as a bit pushy, but will back down if you say you're uncomfortable

She wants to rant about her interest in religion but she fears being annoying since she's shut down a lot, if you indulge her she will love you forever and be your own personal cheerleader

She likes to bake cookies and will give you some if you're nice to her (they may or may not have her blood in them but who knows)

Kaito Momota

Dude's a dick, a fun dick but a dick nonetheless

Play fights a lot which usually ends up with him pinning you to the ground and saying some suggestive comment

Encourages the buffoonery that the class gets up to and is the self assigned leader of their misadventures

Show him genuine kindness and you will have a bodyguard, will even tone down the shitty attitude if you ask him nicely

He likes going out at night and just walk through town enjoying the stars and the night sky

Gonta Gokuhara

Scary dude, class transportation

Resting bitch face 2.0, but unlike Shuichi he will be more expressive

Likes nature and will take you outside for hangouts, he finds it peaceful and relaxing

Will infodump about his interest to the people he's close to and will in turn protect them from bullies and such

Do not bully Gonta's friends, that boy puts his muscle to good use and has possible rage issues

Miu Iruma

Less vulgar than in-game Miu but still lives in the gutter

She's smart in very specific and concerning subjects but won't remember what she read in her history textbook

Will tell you how to get away with murder in 5 steps or less but doesn't know when Japan got its independence

Second in command on the class's missadventures, has to be kept in check to make sure nothing blows up

Laughs like a 7th grader when you say something remotely suggestive, "that's what she said" following 90% of the time

Kirumi Tojou

Quiet, worried mom friend, partner in crime with Ryoma

Psychologically analyses her classmates for fun and calls them out on their bs, lovingly tho

Has a heart attack whenever a class trip is announced, contemplates buying leashes for them

Likes to make you tea as you two complain about your classmates to each other, sometimes others join

Tutor 2.0, teams up with Ryoma and Shinguuji and they are basically responsible for the class passing the year

If you insult her she'll Just insult you back until your begging for her to stop, most likely Captain of a debate club

Doesn't say a lot but when she does, She Talks

Tenko Chabashira

She's all over the place, all the time

She might look scary but she has the Mii theme song playing on loop all the time

Gets attached to the first person who shows her affection like a puppy

She likes plants and taking care of plants, I feel like they calm her down. She also likes green so she might be biased

Is on the hunt for the class cryptid because she's skeptic on the supernatural/paranormal

Himiko Yumeno

Resident cryptid

One time, Miu saw her sneaking into the dorm kitchen at 1 am and convinced the class that she saw a ghost/cryptid

Gets random surges of energy and starts like 5 projects that she almost never finishes

Really likes cotton candy, will make you buy her some whenever y'all go out (she shares it dw)

Is not opposed to cuddling but prefers headpats, she melts with em

Kiibo

Most forget he's even there because he's so quiet

Kind of rude and has little patience, so he buts heads with the more rowdy classmates

Basically a glorified babysitter, hates his job

Likes singing and has a decent voice actually, will sing to you to express his emotions

Very smart but refuses to tutor anyone because "google exists"

Korekiyo Shinguuji

He's a loner mostly because he's so off putting sometimes

Discusses philosophical and moral questions without prompting that lead to class debates, he thrives

Writes poetry when he's bored, it's surprisingly deep and well written

If he likes you, he will compare you to the 7 Wonders of the World, calling you the 8th one

Has very clean handwriting or writes in hieroglyphics, no in between

Maki Harukawa

She's quiet because she's kind of scared of her classmates

Has a lot of siblings and is the neighborhood babysitter, she gets along well with children

Gets adopted by Kaito and you and goes along with his antics, actually enjoys it

A regular in the class tutor service, taking care of her siblings takes up a lot of her time and effort

Is a cat magnet for some reason and that makes Ryoma give her discounts

Tsumugi Shirogane

Degenerate weeb (affectionate)

Also a regular at the tutoring service, she daydreams a lot and by the time she stops the lesson is over

Unspoken bond between her and Shuichi, takes a weeb to know a weeb

Likes doing people's hair and makeup, she'll make you look fabulous

Makes various origamis for her friends and you

––––––––––––––––––––––––––––

-Mod Chihiro

[ed-recovery-affirmations]

Thank you for replying to my ask and having this blog! I didn't want to tell any detail about my ed I thought that would be very triggering for some people cause it's about losing and gaining weight and dieting so trigger warning!!

But I guess I have always had since high school disturbed body image because diet culture starts affecting you very early on.

In college when I have had depressive episodes one way to cope was restricting my eating and then when I lost the weight I gained when depressed I started to feel better and it was like this yo-yo ish many years.

But oh god last year I had so many things that caused me stress I was living in a survival mode the whole 2021 and maybe still am, and idk why I gained weight guickly maybe it was many things combined. Then when things were bad my bf left me and my friends didn't help me and I was left kinda alone and the only way to cope again was thinking of losing weight. So this is such a classic but my ed was the symptom of my hard life situation and way to cope with the anxiety and stress.

But restricting my eating didnt 'work 'like it used to in the past, I havent been able to lose the gained weight and so my energy and time is still focused on losing that weight even now when im my life situation has improved a bit.

I have talk about my issues with doctors and I feel they haven't been taking my symptoms seriously or have focused just on my depression and anxiety (which are caused by ed so this is a fun cycle). Yesterday I talked to a nutritionist for the first time since applying help and she just said what I already know that even tho ed is a mental health problem the only way to cure is by eating. And that I should stop thinking about losing weight cause that only worsens everything (yeah no shit). And that she can't help me cope with the anxiety it's the other healthcare system that should (have) do(ne) that.

The thing is I have triedddd so much this whole time to take care of my eating but if I had succeeded I wouldn't be having any problems with it still u know?

It's kinda ironic how much I know about ed without being able to do anything. First I need to fix my nutritional status I think that's where everyone starts. And after that maybe intuition eating. I need to learn dbt skill to cope with anxiety and depression. And stop stressing about everything everywhere qll the time. Buying new clothes that fit so looking at my too small clothes wouldn't be so triggering. I need to learn self compassion and find a therapist but they are in high demand so that's really hard. I need to find things that I like about myself and repeat those. But everytime when I fail at trying to fix my daily routine and fix my eating routine I think of it as a setback and its a cycle very hard to get off (I need to wake up early to eat breakfast and lunch early so I wouldn't be so hungry at evening and night cause then I can't sleep properly and then I sleep in and then I eat late and then im hungry at evening and night cause I don't wanna eat too much in the evening and then I sleep in cause my blood sugar is so low from not eating enough in the evening does this make any sense at all) and I think I have ibs from so much stress and I think that's actually the reason I have gained weight like I'm bloated all the time. And i dont have any support cause my depression/ ed made me also isolate from my friends and/or they kinda left me also so yeah. Ummmmm this became a lot longer than i thought. if you read this all thank you and also sorry for dumping all my problems here

Sorry that it took me so long to respond to this - my own life situation is kind of taking a toll on me rn, and I've been slow to respond to people. That will continue to be the case, most likely.

But I'm sorry you've found the system so unhelpful! I really think a competent nutritionist should at least be a little understanding of mental health problems, especially when a lot of people coming to them with additional health needs will probably be coping with a lot and might need a little empathy. I mean, yeah, that's not her main job, but healthcare requires a multipronged approach, especially since her "just eat" directive won't be helpful without someone assisting with the mental health aspect simultaneously. I mean, if she frequently works with ED clients she should know that - "just eat" is such an ineffective directive. I hope you find a therapist or a team of therapists that are capable of helping you.

My advice, though? Break it down for yourself. All of these things are a cycle that feed into one another, so making progress in ANY of these areas you struggle in is still progress. And if you let yourself focus on one thing at once, it might not seem so overwhelming. Also remember that everyone struggles with hard days/moments, so if you slip, it doesn't mean you've lost all your progress. It seems an all-or-nothing approach can be really self-defeating. I get it, though - that's definitely something I still find myself struggling with!

I really hope you find more social support! I don't know if you have any online support groups. I also hope it's okay that I published this ask - I tend to do it unless otherwise specified so that people on here don't feel alone in their struggles. I bet there have been lots of ED sufferers who struggled during the pandemic, who have been feeling a lot of overwhelm and who struggle with finding adequate support and on trying to accept their bodies as-is and who are triggered by things like buying new clothes. I'm wondering if anyone else would like to share their experiences.

[piningeddiediaz]

I personally think Pynch anniversary is November 2nd because 1st is ronans bday and idk they kissed and all and probably talked through the night and i think it makes sense that the anniversary would be November 2 but thats just me. They’re basically together now for 1 yr and idk 1-2 months. Since they got together 1 yr before adam left and now it’s November/December again.

I have a question btw. Why do you think so many people seem to dislike Adam and/or Declan? I mostly am following pynch / Adam blogs but i see a lot of negativity too and idgi.

I personally like gansey and blue for example even tho they’re not perfect but actually no character is, not even adam even tho i love him dearly. But so much of the stoey happens bc of adam and idk…

Also I hate kavinsky apologists or people who say ronan had a crush on him wtf 😳 like. No. Kavinsky was disgusting and yeah maybe lost too but an asshole nonetheless. Ronan was already riding his crush on adam wave and he def wasnt interested in kavinsky except for the racing and dreaming convos ?! Sorry brain dump

yeah, I suppose that makes sense. depends on when you define their anniversary ig? is it an anniversary when you first kiss? when you admit feelings? when you officially declare you are together? I sure as fuck wouldn't know!

and oh boy, I have thought about why people hate Adam a lot and I think Adam perfectly described why in trb - "rags to riches isn't a story anyone wants to hear until after its done." I can't speak for everyone, but it wasn't until end of trb/start of dream thieves that I started to like Adam. I liked gansey immediately, but barely skimmed over adam's chapters until we got to his "what do you want, Adam? to feel awake when my eyes are open" because suddenly I could understand with vivid clarity why I was so eager to not pay attention to Adam - it's because he is real. gansey, at least at the start, was not. he was from the get go established to be the typical male lead. handsome, popular, rich. he's privileged but tries to be humble (even when he fails at it), he tries to be a good friend (even tho sometimes he fails at it). gansey was presented to be the kind of protagonist we are all familiar with. we've seen him in nearly every piece of literature. but Adam? Adam is real. Adam is like the average person. he doesnt get to hope for a future, he has to make one. he understands this fact, perhaps more and way earlier than any other person might, and he wont let anything stand in the way. in trb it made him appear to be cruel, because when people read books about friendship they want it to be all or nothing. you would give up your life for your friend. you would give up everything for them. and so the audience, who are already naturally inclined to immediately go towards gansey, are frustrated at Adam because he's your friend! he just wants to help you! it's not until adam's arc ends that people really understand where Adam comes from, why adam does this. you cant give something to someone who has always had nothing and expect them to not think it doesnt come with strings attached. in the real world, it always does. and I think that is why adam's character arc hits all the more. I thought he was an interesting character from the start, but it wasn't until dream thieves, it wasn't until Adam had really really started his character development, that I finally understood. to me, personally, thinking too hard on adam's character was uncomfortable because then I would have to face the reality of life. liking gansey was safer, because he is the prince. the hero. the one you know is going to make it out in the end. the one you're supposed to like. but then Adam, who was supposed to be the side character in gansey's story, makes his own. he becomes the protagonist, takes charge of the story and the narrative - he doesnt just get the title of protagonist, he specifically makes it for himself. and honestly, I dont think adam's absolutely amazing spectacular character development hits as well if you didnt dislike him at the start because, Maggie makes sure you inevitably have an 'oh' moment where you realise that its been about adam parrish all along. its one of the main reasons why I will undoubtedly say Maggie Stiefvater is my favourite author - she is so good at manipulating her readers!

the same goes for declan, I think. we're not supposed to like him, because aside from that one pov he has, we only see him from the perspective of people who don't like him. I personally liked Declan right from the start, but I am in the minority because I know what its like to have to parent your shithead brother because your parents wont. but we were intended to not like declan until we finally saw his story from his pov in the dreamer trilogy. again, expert storytelling by mstief.

(tho if you still dont like declan and adam idk what to tell y'all. maybe reread the book with critical thinking skills?)

and yeah, I have to agree with you there. I have a lot of problems with a lot of things gansey and blue - especially gansey - do (more or less all of dream thieves??? I dont think I will ever forgive gansey for the car convo) but I cant say that makes me hate them exactly, because they are very complex characters.

and yeah dont even get me started on kavinsky. tbh I have his tag blocked and dont ever interact with any k posts. he was gross and disgusting and im glad he died.

[yichens]

get to know me

am going to mix these two different tag games into one post so thank you a lot for tagging me @jazthespazz and @i-am-just-a-kiddo ♥

it’s somehow funny to do these same games again after a while so let’s see what I come up with:

Part I

name: real name petra but i prefer vish/vishie over here ^^ 

pronouns: she/her

star sign: aries ♈

height: 178cm (which am coming more and more proud of while i realize how damn tall every cdrama actor is lol)

time: 10:37pm as am answering this one

birthday: 10th april!

nationality: finnish 

fave bands/groups: ah well this is always a hard question but let’s go with these: BTS, DAY6, OneRepublic, Hurts, Oneus, Hoppipolla, TXT, Red, Mamamoo

fave solo artists: (forgive me if i’ve assumed any of these wrong) Novo Amor, Talos, Crywolf, Liu Yuning, SYML, EDEN, PVRIS, Joker Xue, NF, Halsey, Sleeping At Last, Nuz, HyunA, Sam Smith, Taemin

song stuck in your head: it’s OneRepublic’s Rescue Me bc of the song tag game i did earlier today :’D that one always gets stuck in my head whenever i as much as see the title lol 

last movie you watched: i think it’s The Yin-Yang Master (2021)? I haven’t watched any movies after that bc am so busy with all of my dramas haha

last show you binged: i think binged would be The Journey Across the Night! I watched that as a whole in 4 days

when you created your blog: in 2013 

the last thing you googled: ummm i think it was “what is a ball of wool called” bc of fic purposes haha as a non native speaker i always get a bit lost with words like this 

other blogs: none, i just dump everything here like the idiot i am 

why i chose my url: dates back to my intense summer of binge reading J.R. Ward’s Black Dagger Brotherhood series. Vishous was my favorite of the brothers haha. i first used this username in some random game on my nintendo ds lol 

how many people are you following: 358 which somehow feels like a lot but also like way too few?? i should probably search for some new blogs with other topics than cql, bts and/or dmbj bc i do love a lot of things at once 

how many followers do you have: over 800 

average hours of sleep: i’d say around 7h

lucky numbers: i remember answering 5 previously? i don’t really have a lucky number but 5 pops into my head

instruments: nope, no. not touching those tyvm. i admire everyone who can play any instrument tho

what i’m currently wearing: black jeans, socks with foxes on them (plus my woolly socks), a gray cardigan (my fave thing ever!) and an orange/brown top

dream job: writer would be ideal but that is very faaaaar into the dream zone 

dream trip: around different parts of asia to taste all the amazing food ;; maybe a road trip of sorts through europe? or inter railing? another trip to london bc i miss that ;; a trip to the very northern part of lapland to see all the auroras etc! i’ve never been that far north :’D 

fave food: if i need to quickly name something then sushi. otherwise am pretty fine with anything spicy 

top three fictional universes you’d like to live in: i remember thinking about this a lot the last time i answered this but hmm. currently i’d say dmbj still bc that world is fascinating AND i would love to talk to the characters. mass effect would be the second one currently bc i miss those games and the space stuff is super cool! and the third one would be assassin’s creed rogue bc that is my fave ac game and i like the northern sea and the places in it AND i could probably be one of abstergo’s employees instead and just test/play those simulation games haha 

Part II

Last Song: am currently listening to my playlist with just everything so i have Andrew Belle’s The Enemy playing right now (also I only just now realized that Andrew Belle also sings Pieces which is one of my fave songs? my bff linked that to me after it played in some tv series she was watching)

Last Movie Last Stream: i didn’t want to mention the same movie again or skip this question and i’ve wanted to talk about this anyway so! i watched Liu Chang’s bday live last night :’D it was so much fun even if i couldn’t understand anything. it was just nice to watch him being himself and have fun and chill with his fans. also the songs were amazing ;; i cried with Liu Sang’s character song as well as the ending. and all the while i couldn’t turn my gaze away from his eyes! he has such pretty eyes and they were absolutely Sparkling throughout the whole stream, it was so nice :’)

Currently Reading: Devotions by Mary Oliver (i adore her poems! they’re a very nice change after Siken haha) and then some uni stuff for a course about culture and mental health plus my thesis

Currently Watching: Douluo Continent, Word of Honor, The Long Ballad 

all of these are amazing and make me feel different things! i started Douluo Continent just a while ago and am now on ep 16 i think? it’s been very pretty and very chill and i watch it during the weekend while i wait for new episodes to the other two :’D it’s nice to see Xiao Zhan again and i’ve enjoyed the rpg game type of feeling in it? the group of seven is doing amazing and it’s interesting to watch them craft their team work! Word of Honor again has reached the ending and i just hold my breath with it. am not too far gone with it so i am not getting as heavy feelings about it as i probably could but i enjoy it  alot still and i do cry at times ^^ and then The Long Ballad has just blown me away! i didn’t expect to love it this much and be this invested in it but everything about it has been such a positive surprise and it keeps making me super emotional! i love the characters and the story and the romances even! it’s a great accomplishment for me. also yes i cry on the daily bc of hao du and bc of ashile sun’s hair haha

(i am also rewatching Ultimate Note kind of and been thinking about getting into rewatching Reboot bc it has been on my list ever since i finished it)

What is antipoetry to you: okay hmm i had to google this too and have to agree with Kiddo here. i don’t have strong feelings about poetry tbh, i wasn’t into poetry that much before maybe a bit over year ago? Siken has really blown me away haha. but i have always loved song lyrics which i never thought as poetry but then Kiddo said to me that they consider them poetry and yeah ok. i agree? so idk poetry can be whatever i suppose. i’ve never seen any rules in it anyway. i know there are many rules for different types of poetry but then again. i feel like poetry has always been just words put together to feel things and i guess that is the core purpose of every written type of art in the end right? 

Currently craving: a drama as good and as personal as The Journey Across the Night. that show really just stole my heart and i want that feeling back. i think about that show every day. i miss Li Jia and his two partners. i miss the vibes. i miss sitting on my floor watching it and just sobbing my heart out haha. also! craving a properly subbed, whole version of Anti-Fraud League. only the first 12 eps are badly subbed out there. wetv has... blocked? deleted? the whole show??? i need it to my life, i wanna see Xiao Yuliang being cute as Mi Ruo and i wanna know where the story goes smh 

thank you so much for these both! i had fun ^^ also am sorry this is so long but haha if you’re asking me to talk about myself and my interests then this is what you get :) 

tagging (to do which ever part you want or both!): @cross-d-a @jockvillagersonly @humanlighthouse @kholran @xcziel @minmoyu and @leonzhng ♥