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annyankers · 2 days ago

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I literally have fics I need to finish after years and ideas and half started things in the wings but now that I'm thinking about this concept I am bewitched.

I think a really fun idea for a "similar but different" rewrite/telling of the show is just "Buffy but her issues and anxieties present much differently"

Like here's Buffy's damage as I see/understand it, both the root and canon symptoms/examples when I have them:

Low self-esteem/relies immensely on external validation (makes decisions based on the scoobies opinions, like... all of season one, homecoming etc.) Obfuscates/undermines her own intelligence (she's obviously very smart and it's shown when she's in a supportive environment she does really well in academics so I truly think she doesn't always get how smart she is/doesn't try so she can't be let down/berated) Catastrophic abandonment issues (Merrick, Pike, her dad, Angel, Riley etc) Handles everything with avoidance/denial/repression/etc (see: her everything) Looming existential crisis and horror of her own short doomed life as a slayer (see: also her everything but especially her emotional ties and such as well as life planning or the noticeable lack of) Feeling out of control bc of said fate (her whole control freak thing is a response to this) Lack of communication skills (tied to low self-esteem, abandonment fears, being judged etc, also they're just hard) deep seated trust issues (the abandonments, being committed by her parents, all the various backstabs etc)

All of which are very good and compelling but like.... what if those things presented or where dealt with differently? here are my thoughts/notes on that:

Low self-esteem/relies immensely on external validation : constantly preforming a false identity, lying, like lowkey kinda two faced, actively keeping at a certain distance from others to mitigate how much their opinion matters to her, leaning on being the slayer for self-worth (taking it more seriously at first, caring more about the academic end, being a bit too much of a watcher's pet sometimes, saving people just for the "thank you" etc.) Obfuscates/undermines her own intelligence : actively tries to learn a lot of stuff and do her best in school/slayer studies to try and prove she's not stupid. like forcing herself to the point of meltdown to study because she doesn't want to look dumb, which only makes it harder for her to actually learn anything. Catastrophic abandonment issues : tug-o-war rollercoaster relationships, she desperately wants people in her life but she's also terrified of people leaving her so she tries to keep them at bay or cut them off completely when her anxiety peaks. Handles everything with avoidance/denial/repression/etc : comes off as totally unflappable and like a total cool girl when in reality she's having dry heaving panic attacks in the school bathroom because she simply cannot express or process a single emotion. Any she does emote are usually calculated and performed. Looming existential crisis and horror of her own short doomed life as a slayer : see above panic attacks but also fuels her constant whiplashing and inconsistencies, she wants to live her likely very short life to the fullest and experience as much as she can but there's so many things and the clock is ticking, so she bounces from trying to do everything to being paralyzed with choice anxiety which tends to lead to disaster. Feeling out of control bc of said fate : the panic attacks, also her trying to know sooooo much slayer stuff, as if becoming a phd in slayerness will unlock the power to control it. Also her eventually snapping at the council and trying to domineer them way earlier, also likely going WAY farther into bad girl behavior with faith (like drinking and a tattoo, the classics) Lack of communication skills : better communication skills on like, a technical level, but it's all anxiety fueled, she's just trying to make her case so accurately and so well she can't be punished for having a possibly unpopular opinion, also WAY more lying, like not just covering for slayerage or w/e but just full blown lying about herself and what she's doing and what she wants. Deep seated trust issues : would rather eat a gun than admit to a feeling, micromanages people, endless trust tests that just make people disgusted with her, relationship dysfunctions like not dating people she likes only people she doesn't feel threatened by, finds emotional release by having a biweekly meltdown instead of talking to anyone about anything

I will also put it here just for the sake of clarity since this whole post is a fucking mess structurally but when I mean Buffy takes being the slayer more seriously I don't mean she goes the full Kendra, just that her starting point is more like where she is around season 5 or 7 tho with way less self confidence. Like she's walking in with iffy self-esteem and being told she's Special and the world is bigger and more magical than she thought and she's important to it. So she tries to do a good job and be curious about her lineage at first, to Be A Hero as a means of making herself feel better about who she is. After Merrick dies and everything in LA is Bad and her parents commit her and divorce because of her tho... she absolutely back slides to the refusal of the call we see in S1. Prophecy Girl is still important for her accepting her destiny but the energy is more like getting back to where she was from a more healthy and genuine place. So there's more of that like.... action hero who retired after a Mission Gone Bad trying to forgive themselves and get back into the good fight vibe.

Here's some ways I can see these changes in how her issues present could change the narrative:

Giles and Buffy becoming extremely close starting in mid-late S1 because he found her having one of her many meltdowns at the very back of library and she wordvomitted her many existential crises at him and he's just you know, a decent human being. This feeds into her trying to be the Bestest Little Slayer and his protectiveness come prophecy girl and infinitely increases his conflict come helpless. Like when you know your slayer is paralyzed by the looming knowledge of their death, how they may never do all these things they really wanted to do or never be able to accurately express to their loved ones their feelings before they die a horrific death it because they feel so inherently transient as a person it makes it VERY HARD to then betray that fragile trust and possibly get them killed.

Actually looks into Angel(us) herself WAY WAY WAY EARLIER, like immediately on knowing he's a vamp, both to because she wants to be the Bestest Little Slayer and because she's looking for excuses/reasons to shut down a possible friendship.

Platonic and not romantic bangel. I'll admit I'm not a bangel shipper of the bat which is a factor, but this is actually me kinda looking out for the bangel and angel girlies (gender neutral) in my own way. One of my biggest beefs with the fandom and writers of both shows is how they tend to fixate on the sex changing angel when it's explicitly stated a few times it's the emotional connection that made him lose his soul. If Buffy is too much of a disaster to even date someone when serious emotions are involved, let alone have sex with someone bc Trust Issues, then we can focus on their connection. If Angel loses his soul after say, sharing a meaningful moment with Buffy where they feel like they've found the only other person who could understand them and they're friends then just hammers in that it's the contentment that understanding brings which is the trigger. We're validating the connection here at the core of bangel just from a different angle which imo is always fun with any ship.

Related to her friendship with Angel, Buffy has a much more nuanced view on demons in part because she's just more curious about the world she was dropped into and what the slayer even is. This allowance for nuances and grace for demons is also a manifestation of her own anxieties about herself. She's clearly not a normal human, even if she doesn't learn about the origins of the slayer until Season 7 if you're someone who sits and thinks about it all, it's not hard to see the similarities between her and demons before then. And she does think (too much) so she does see it and it does make her anxious. So you know.... leave a little gap for good demons... and things... because what if.... you know...

Willow and Xander (and to be fair everyone, even Buffy) get called out on their bullshit way way way more. Since Buffy ping-pongs between desperately wanting connection while trying to maintain emotional space and full blown trying to burn bridges so they can't hurt her in some nebulous negative future she says a LOT of shit without filter and the explicit intent to hurt with plenty of actual canonical evidence to use for ammo. To keep the Scoobies actually together through all that there's a lot of maturing and owning up that has to happen much faster than it does in canon. Like it'd be a miracle for Xander to still be her friend just after asking her out because of her issues with trust/attachment/emotion etc without some very serious work done and Willow would get wrung the fuck out for Something Blue because of how out of control it made her feel/what it exposed about her issues.

More prominent Oz-Buffy friendship which later becomes immensely important and a tension with her and Willow come Something Blue. It starts just as like, Oz is so relaxed and seemingly aloof it makes her feel safer than everyone else, like she doesn't need to talk or act as much so there's less threat. Given his overall zen this later becomes a really important friendship and crutch for her and she's nearly as upset as Willow when he leaves. The fact she's the other person who was deeply hurt by this and Willow was all Like That and diminishing her pain in Something Blue is a blow out for them.

Knows who Spike is by reputation tho not by face or anything, this is again part the Bestest Little Slayer complex. Which can lead to interesting dynamics down the road. I personally like to think of it starting as a morbid kind of celebrity/professional fixation thing since he killed two slayers and she's lowkey anxious about her expiration date. Like yes she fought Lothos, who depending on how you wanna handle the pre-series lore, killed some amount of slayers, his method was to swoop in when they were very fresh, hypnotize them and then kill them. Dangerous yes but it's similar to Angelus' whole MO and implies an unwillingness to get into real combat with a slayer. Spike however, has actually beaten slayers at their own game which is a whole different kettle of fish. I think it also likely means she cares about his opinion more than in canon, again as being the Bestest Little Slayer, like if Spike of all people says "wow Buffy you sure are the swellest slayer I've ever met" it would mean more because he's met and fought other slayers.

The stuff with Faith is Even Messier because Buffy is a messier person and for all her attempts to push people away when she meets someone who she thinks will truly Get her she fixates. Hard. Basically we're moving some of the messy relationship energy of bangel onto fuffy to 1. give that emotional growth/damage somewhere to go while highlighting the hold Faith has on her 2. confirm Buffy as a bisexual disaster queen.

Buffy being closer with Cordy and Anya because they're so aggressively straight forward. It soothes her relationship based anxieties to have only aggressive and no passive lol. Related to that she's much closer with Tara too, for reasons more in line with the Oz Thing. Buffy might lowkey like Willow's partners more than Willow sometimes oops sdkjfghdlsfk.

Buffy in Helpless not just telling the Council to eat shit but like actively threatening unhinged targeted anti-council violence if they don't meet her demands (basically a lil fucking respect and employee status since she's already fully in her "what do i do for food money when I graduate" spiral). This is a Buffy who snaps between wanting approval and wanting to viciously protect what little life, and the quality of it, she has left.

Sees the Initiative immediately as a threat because she's a catastrophizer, has trust issues, and paradoxically trusts Spike's judgment about work related calls.

100% doesn't date Riley lol absolutely sticks to her guns on that, at least as like, a serious boyfriend. If she does anything like date him it's for information on the Initiative. This is a Buffy who is slower to get into truly meaningful relationships with people she has actual feelings for, so she absolutely wouldn't date him genuinely. Like genuinely I think her longest official relationship was Scott Hope for context. She's also shitty enough that she would date him as a manipulation and not feel to bad about it -- again Bestest Little Slayer™ complex is a hell of a drug.

Instead of being all dopey and happily engaged in Something Blue Buffy is an anxious wretch dry heaving in Giles' bathroom convinced their marriage is doomed before it started because Spike will realize she's not worth the trouble or her silently cuddled into Spike while he tries to soothe her. This full blown display of how genuinely messed up her mental/emotional state is in front of all their friends and a dude who could actively use this info against her almost completely destroys her friendship with Willow (and everyone because she's too Ashamed to be seen after that) and she even lives at home for a bit. That life choice turns out to be good because she gets Good Mom Advice and after some meaningful talks her friendship with Willow is way stronger, her other friendships are more open and Giles helps her navigate some things.

Bonus comedy coming from Buffy's progress in being more open with her friends and such coming in the context of her just straight up having a panic attack in the middle of Scooby meetings and shit. Like after a bit of getting used to it it's just them all patiently waiting or continuing to talk while Buffy paces, hyperventilates, dry heaves, hunches over, goes thru all 5 stages of grief, laughs maniacally, etc for 10 minutes before bouncing back like "Okay :D I feel better now!!! :D!!!!!". like it's genuinely fully to think of Xander eating a donut and timing how long this one is gonna take and being like "hey congrats, you only cursed god for 5 minutes this time! Progress!"

This also is a good way to allow for more openings to let Xander Not Suck and do more heart themed good stuff. Like he may not be a superhero but he comprehends constantly fucking mclosing it because he too, is constantly fucking mclosing it. So we get more chances to see him being a good friend which I'm always for.

Literally all of Spuffy is just weirder and wilder in a completely different direction. Buffy getting the "you're the most specialist little slayer ever" validation from Spike is something she did want but not in this context, it is sadly however, still doing happy things in her brain to her horror. Also in cold pragmatic way, it's very much a relief to know he's not interested in killing her anymore, but then again him loving her is infinitely more scary because to her love is scarier than death. So this is like.... a mental-emotional/psychosexual saw trap built just for her by Pinhead lol. Ironically we're playing way more into Spike's strengths as a old timey romantic and a predator with it being more of a chase than whatever the fuck you'd call canon. Also because he's tenacious it forces exploration of the issues around her refusals to be emotionally intimate and honest. Because he's so sensitive and she does respect his work as a bloodthirsty killer that she's like "look, it's NOT about you this is A ME ISSUE" and he... is Spike.... so lksdjfghkjlsfd he's a SAP he's gonna try to teach her how to looooooveeee it'll be fineeeeeeeee [cue a series of disasters]

Buffy probably shipping everyone out of Sunnydale the second she realizes Glory is a god tbhhhhh. Even Joyce like sorry mom you're gonna live in a hospital in Switzerland or something for a few months rip. Like I feel like that's the realistic move for this Buffy but it's likely possible to come up with a reason why she can't do that for the plot lol.

Buffy dropping everyone who was involved in bringing her back to life like a hot potato and being way more visibly unhinged about what happened to her. Her emotionally stability was rockier to start, she's less of a constant people pleaser, and she's just kinda more prone to being actively cruel so it just kinda tracks. Fences do eventually get mended over time, likely spearheaded by someone like Tara who mainly just wanted to properly apologize, not get back in her good graces (which is why it even happens).

Spuffy this season is probably it's own weird mix of healthier and toxic in a different way sdkljfghdfjk like more co-dependent with her hiding behind Spike and making him do all the emotional labor she can't stomach doing and him encouraging it because he needs the validation it gives him. Also she backslides on any progress she made towards improved emotional intimacy. the pro of becoming emotionally dependent on Spike tho is that he's the consummate caretaker and a sap, so she gets a lot of the quiet and softness and patience she needs. Like it could've been worse dfkljghds

THERE'S LIKELY MORE THINGS but I'm starting to run out of what was already kinda in my brain or occurred to me while writing this and this is ALREADY SO FUCKING LONG.

I JUST HAVE THOUGHTS AND THINK IT WOULD BE INTERESTING IF SHE HAD ROUGHLY THE SAME BAGGAGE BUT IT PRESENTED DIFFERENTLY

#train.txt #btvs #meta #fic ideas #THIS GOT WAY BIGGER THAN I EVER ANTICIPATED AND REALLY I SHOULDN'T BE SURPRISED ANYMORE BY THAT #it's the one constant of all i do. i CANNOT shut my fucking trap.#i hadn't planned on cutting it but then i realized i had to be kind to people's dashes lol #i just think it would be neat if Buffy's mental illness presented differently in a 'similar but different' genre rewrite fic #like when people just Do The Show but emphasize different character traits events etc and tweak some development plot points #it's really interesting to think about the scoobies slowly realizing with more and more gravity as they age and Comprehend Things Better #that buffy is a walking timebomb ready to collapse into a black hole of self destruction and the most heroic thing they can do #is stick by her and be her friend and prop her up even when she's being a vicious bitch. like the understanding it takes to get WHY #to understand she's a mess and will probably always kinda be and say 'okay but we're still friends so we're gonna figure it out'#like at first in highlights how xander and willow befriend her because Cool Superhero and they're smalltown teens #but then it's like 'oh... this is destroying you... this is not a fun adventure... and you might take us down with you out of pure spite...#and that's where some of that growing up comes from. that choice to look at someone at their lowest and know this is gonna be #a LONG MISERABLE HAUL and choosing it anyway. the anne carson achilles quote but it's platonic #and spike falling for someone who is deathly afraid of love and emotional vulnerability is so fun and compelling #it's a philosophical conflict as well as a personal. and yes canon buffy has similar issues but like she still put herself out there #she still TRIED. the variation just DOESN'T EVEN ATTEMPT. she assumes EVERYTHING will ALWAYS end like angelus or riley #before she's even had an ACTUAL REAL DATE KDSLJGSSGSFD she's planning for her toxic divorce at 15 w/ not even a crush bc hope is dead man #god okay i gOTTA SHUT UP #rotten work buffy

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kyouka-supremacy · 2 years ago

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hii a few days ago (i think) you mentioned in the tags of one of the asks that you have some thoughts regarding the themes of bsd characters being pretty 👀👀 could you elaborate on that?

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING. I have very strong opinions on where skk and sskk place on the thematical prettiness scale so here you go. The fun part is that I am a radical beauty relativist which makes any judgement on appearance ultimately meaningless– because there's not such thing as universal beauty to me, only time and space susceptible beauty standards. Additionally, I don't think there's any significant distinction in their depictions, because Harukawa's art style is very beautiful and elegant and such applies to virtually every character with no notable difference. But like that's the whole point isn't it!! Because it's not about Chuuya being handsome or Dazai being prettier than Akutagawa per sé, as much as what those things represent in terms of symbolism in a story. Here's my personal headcanons (with the very much needed disclaimer that I feel attracted to men once every three months at best, so it really is all about the narrative and plot value their physical appearances hold more than like. actual valuations of their beauty):

Dazai is distinctively, remarkably beautiful. I mean, that part is pretty much canon, isn't it? He really is that kind of charming, charismatic presence that would make people turn back to look at him when crossing the street. But his beauty has some sort of distance and elusiveness to it– his features are classical and very conventionally beautiful in a way that makes him vaguely impersonal. Most importantly, his beauty is vastly intimidating. He is beautiful in a way that feels distant, out of reach, that makes people subconsciously uncomfortable. That only adds to his charisma (and having an easy game to manipulate people), as people will be immediately bewitched when someone as ethereal looking as Dazai shows the slightest sign of interest in them. He definitely looks older than he is.

Chuuya is a completely different deal! He's just as beautiful as Dazai, yet in a substantially different way. He's handsome due to a certain feeling of naturalness and unconstraint he has to him. He has that real and specific beauty of someone who's comfortable in their own skin, which is something genuinely pleasant to witness. His appearance is handsome and cool, but in such an effortless way that vastly adds to his appeal; he exudes confidence and freshness, he's passionate and lively and just someone to bask in the presence of. He can come off as intimidating, too, but to a slightly lesser extent than Dazai and in a way he's way more in control of, able to make people feel at ease if he wants to. Ultimately, to make a silly example, I fear Chuuya would have quite a bit of suitors (that he's only half aware of), while Dazai regretfully comes off too scary for most people.

(And I feel like someone's going to think “it shows that Op hasn't read Stormbringer 🙄🙄” and like. That much is true and irrefutable ahah. But I also like to think Chuuya's story was a gradual journey into accepting himself and feel comfortable in his body. I am a strong happy ending Chuuya supporter ///// )

Atsushi is beautiful in a very peculiar and unique way. He's the kind who, at first sight, one wouldn't find remarkably attractive at all, all his beauty being covered up by raggedness and a neglected appearance, and he wouldn't be spared a second look. And yet when that second look is spared, one would suddenly realize he's got bewitching, glistening eyes, a certain masculine pronunciation to his face that results very attractive, a toned figure, a stunning smile. And his beauty is the furthest that can be from Dazai's classical lineaments: it's unusual, and wild, but still strikingly gorgeus. The truest diamond in the rough. Atsushi's completely oblivious to it, btw– how could it be any differently with him! Moreover, it would be quite fitting if Atsushi's beauty was, too, one of the many contributing factors that trigger Akutagawa's feeling of minority.

Akutagawa isn't beautiful. This is the only take actively sustained by canon elements (besides from maybe Dazai being beautiful, but to a way lesser extent), and the canon judgement of his apparence is definitely not a flattering one: “a faint smile curled Akutagawa’s lips, slightly exposing the inside of his mouth, which was as red as blood” “Akutagawa’s smirk was colder than a snake’s, his breath more repulsive than a demon’s”. His skin is grey, and his eyes are bloodshot, and he coughs blood, and he definitely stinks– he's messy and rabid and unkept. Before everything else stands the fact that he has this sickly impression to him which makes him vaguely repulsive to whoever stumbles across him. But that's exactly everything Akutagawa is, isn't it!! His whole thing is being fundamentally unable to be loved– both because of things he controls and things he can't control, his unpleasant physical appearance falling in the second category. That's what I mean when I say characters' physical appearance is a fun tool to convey their core themes! The tragedy of Akutagawa's character being someone who constantly strives for being loved and yet is doomed by destiny to result repulsive to everyone nicely translates in him having unpleasant looks that make him ugly and unlovable.

And as little extra, pretending for a moment that I don't have Beast bias:

Beast Akutagawa being quite handsome. Not at Dazai or Chuuya's level, but people would casually consider him a beautiful man. Compared to his canon counterpart, he's got the same fire in his eyes, yet it's paired with a slightly healthier, less repulsive built, greater confidence in his stance, and a more - although far from being tidy - clean appearance, all contributing to make him fairly attractive. Besides, bonus prettiness points for the coolest outfit in the entirety of bsd only second to the Dark Era Dazai one in my very humble opinion...

Beast Atsushi is gorgeus in a way that makes him look almost noble, yet feels unsettlingly plastic-like: artificial, stiff, imposed. I've talked before about how his being kept and tidy is actually just another expression of the grip that Dazai has on his persona and psyche, who wraps, controls and manipulates every aspect of his being including his very appearance. He's got the same stunning strong lineaments, yet they're schooled to look far more distant and intimidating. I wonder if the kind eyes would stay the same... They probably don't shine as brightly as the canon Atsushi's ones.

#Wait it's all Dazai foils? 🔫 Always have been #osamu dazai #chūya nakahara #atsushi nakajima #ryūnosuke akutagawa #SO upsetting I can't in honesty tag this sskk when such considerations only spawn from months of sskk character analysis #bsd #bungou stray dogs #bsd analysis #mine #people asks me stuff #Thank youuuu for asking I had so much fun putting this down!!!#I usually only think about this in reference to the main four–#but seriously it's so much fun to play with the concept with all the characters.#Oda is the epitome of common man- he must look plain and easy to forget. Yosano looking like someone who had to grow up too soon.#Jouno appearing so neat and polished‚ he looks like someone who meticulously erased every trace of his past from himself.#You know‚ the fun stuff!!

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