#this man has been brainwashed and gaslit and has been

[chocolateteepot]

lbr, Thor 1 Loki would also have wiped the floor with him 😭

He was raised by ODIN. His introduction as an antagonist is about him being a MANIPULATOR, like what are we even talking about here. This is one of my major gripes with the show, they kind of gave Mobius more of a Loki role than Loki, in terms of his calm cool manipulation tactics. And if it was like, oh no the Manipulator got out-Manipulated! Then that would be one thing. But uh, it's not that.

In season 2, Mobius literally says:

"Listen, we have different styles. You're a man of action, which is fine. I take a more slow, deliberate, cerebral approach, because I see everything! I notice everything!"

This SHOVED me out of any immersion like a push off a cliff. My jaw DROPPED like a cartoon character. Like!?!?!?!? This was an official confirmation that they never watched any of the original movies and know nothing about the character. Genuinely, wtaf. If you know NOTHING about Loki, you know THIS. It's the entire basis of both his character and his dynamic with Thor, it's what provides the contrast with Thor, and the clash! Thor was the reckless man of action and that Mobius line was a perfect description of LOKI, actually. This line made me feel insane.

(Except, I have read that Waldron finally watched some of the original films after season 1, so. Wondering if they were just actively mocking us)

I feel like they really hammered in on this dynamic of Mobius the intellectual, and Loki the brawn in season 2 by having Loki basically being his leashed guard dog??? Waiting on Mobius' okay before he blasts people with his magic and such, which I can understand why people found compelling. But the people who do also think Mobius is Loki's saviour who has always treated him so well, so it's not like they're into it because it's fucked up. You would need to remove the context of the first season for it to be the cute protective boyfriend dynamic they're seeing there though :/

But then, there is widespread denial that Mobius tortured Loki at all, when we literally all watched it happen on screen, so. Kind of makes me wonder if they had shown us actual scenes of Thanos/the Black Order torturing Loki, would that have been discounted too? I have a horrible feeling it would have...

I mean, we watched Bucky get tortured and mind wiped, and plenty of people buy into the idea that he should be held accountable for the crimes he committed against his will as a brainwashed POW, stored in a fridge between jobs, whose free will could be erased by a series of codewords. There is zero ambiguity that he is a victim, and yet.

Mobius didn't just gaslight Loki, he successfully gaslit the audience too, because the narrative was on his side.

Showing us one thing

but telling us another.

Avengers!Loki would destroy Mobius ngl. I know Series!Loki is technically the same, but we know it's not.

It's always shame, because I feel like he would be kind of quiet, analyzing his options and when Mobius would try to humiliate him, Loki would be the one to degrade him verbally. In a very "you lie and kill for the service of liars and killers" type of way.

It would be so fun to watch.

Loki was tortured for a year and before that he was a prince educated in diplomacy and had to deal with political affairs. He is not being humiliated by a middle age fascist in a ugly beige suit.

Put some respect on his name.

[givehimthemedicine]

tbh I think it would've been very easy and effective for El to simply gaslight Henry after the massacre

like he finishes his entire monologue and stares at her expectantly and she just starts over like "Henry, there you are! what happened? I heard screaming?" repeat as needed but possibly even once would be enough to unravel him mentally

[au-wannabe-the-very-best]

The Alexi/Accidental Gaslit AU has me in a chokehold! Like, what is Emmet's reaction when he finds out? Does Alxei start having a mental breakdown? Does he think they lied to him, or does he realize that it was an honest mistake? Does he want to go home now, or is he too used to Unova?

He's been living in Unova for the past five years, and he genuinely loves it. Universal free healthcare, insane technological developments, some berries literally just heal you if you have a severe burn that's crazy. Despite the world being inhabited by dangerous creatures, it's somehow safer than where Alexi was before. He doesn't want to leave.

Anyways, immediately after Alexi opens the door to Ingo, he breaks down bad. Ingo has a brief moment where he thinks some stranger stole his life, but then it quickly becomes apparent that Alexi genuinely thought he was Ingo up until that moment. Alexi is horrified. He ends up rushing to the bathroom and violently emptying his stomach into the toilet.

Ingo... Doesn't know this guy. But he's concerned about him. Alexi is sobbing and keeps saying sorry, he didn't mean to, he's sorry— and Ingo can't find himself terribly upset about this dude who took his place. It takes a while, but Alexi eventually gets out the full story to the other.

And Ingo himself feels a little sick at the realization that. This man was gaslit into believing he was a different person. On accident. What the genuine fuck?

Alexi wants to be angry with Emmet and the others who tricked him, made him question his reality, but he can't because in the five years that he's known them, he has grown to genuinely love them. He loves having Emmet as a brother. He loves having Elesa as a friend. He loves Ingo and Emmet's Pokémon, they're all sweethearts.

When Emmet comes home, he takes the realization even worse. Because not only did he force this man into becoming someone he isn't, his actual brother, Ingo, has been missing for five years and he had no fucking clue. He nearly faints when he fully processes just how fucked up the situation is.

Alexi is sitting on the couch wrapped up in a blanket, tear tracks on his face. Ingo is rubbing Alexi's back and trying to murmur reassurances. And Emmet is just. Frozen.

Alexi told him that he wasn't Ingo. He told everybody, multiple times, for an entire month. And no one believed him. Alexi spent months being practically brainwashed into believing he was someone else. Emmet signed off on that. Emmet allowed that to happen. Emmet was happy about it. Thinking it was for Alexi's own good.

Ingo. Doesn't get the happy reunion he was looking forward to when he got home. He gets a new extremely traumatized brother instead.

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

It pains me to see how low gold stars' self-esteem can be, because we've been gaslit by the so-called lesbian community to think of ourselves as privileged no matter how much shit we went through for being lesbians.

I was thinking of this because I stumbled upon a twitch channel hosted by a fakebian and her gold star girlfriend. They were talking about their couple, their sexuality, their past, etc. The gold star was apologetic and kept saying that she was so much luckier than her girlfriend because she didn't "go through comphet".

However, here are the facts as they were telling them. The gold star:

Got repeatedly belittled by her mother for being a lesbian as a teen ("you're only a lesbian because you're too ugly to please men")

As a result, allowed many bicurious girls and women to "experiment" with her (= use her sexually)

Had a toxic long-term relationship where she was raped

Was the live-in sidechick of a bi woman in a het marriage for years, even though she admits that it destroyed her mental health, until the bi woman left the husband for her (that's the fakebian)

The fakebian:

Had many boyfriends and was in a happy marriage with a guy for years, has a child with him, still friends with the guy.

Bragged about having an open-minded family who never cared if she liked women, admitted that she never felt any social pressure to be with men but just went with the flow

That's it.

The fakebian never told her girlfriend that no, actually, she was the one who had it easy and being a gold star seems very difficult. It's very clear that she's still the one calling the shots in the relationship and the gold star got brainwashed into thinking that having boundaries or desires is messed up. The gs would say things like "It took her a few times to start reciprocating but it's ok! I never asked anything of her, it's fine, I swear! It would have been fucked up to expect her to reciprocate since she had never been with a woman! I prefer giving anyway!" (meanwhile the fakebian was repeating to the nervous bicurious women in the chat that they'll always be better in bed than any man ever) and "I never minded being a bi woman's first time with a woman, no one cares!" and her gf answered "only assholes care about that" 😬

I'd like to help other gold stars be unapologetically themselves, to know who they are, what they want and speak up about it, to be in touch with their emotions and their instincts, but that lack of confidence and boundaries can be so ingrained I don't even know where to start...

[salvation-brought]

Introduction.

--

Salutations, mortals & those of you who are something else. I am Illumina, leader of the SFOTH, & your savior.

--

Hello!! @kai-sillyman back at it again (im going insane), so let's get this sorted over.

Basic info!

Illumina is a transfem demigirl, they go by they/she pronouns. They don't like being referred to or called by any masculine terms either (even stuff like bro), so keep that in mind when you're trying to not piss them off lol.

Ghostwalker is also on this blog!! He goes by he/they pronouns, he's transmasc.

If you've seen any of my other phighting roleplay blogs or seen any of my phighting related content, you know how horrible Illumina is. Just look at poor Darkheart.

Illumina is not the only one that will make an appearance on this blog! Ghostwalker will sometimes show up, & sometimes Illumina will 'invite' their alter ego- aka switch over to 'iida'atan. They will each have their own tags.

!Trigger warning!

This blog contains religious themes & mentions of cults. Illumina has a whole alter ego 'mask', which is the god the COTTE worships ('iida'atan).

They literally brainwash people. Not just in like the way they do in their cult, like they will physically brainwash people & turn them into mindless zombies, for example- Follower Sword. They will try this on some people but it's not an instant thing. It's a disgusting process.

They're HORRIBLE. They use & gaslight basically everyone, & they have so much power & say its scary. If you're a SFOTH member rp blog, expect to be gaslit & bossed around by them.

There will be mentions of violence & death- also a fair amount of blood & gore. Illumina is so petty they're willing to get violent & kill people if it means they get what they want.

Ghostwalker is....let's just say he's not okay in the slightest. (pspspspps Clover cmere we can talk about the scientist society finally) He's a mutilated husk of a man that's been turned into a wind up doll & now Illumina is using him. Hes unokay

Rules!

No NSFW & weird shit....basic DNIs too. Just stay safe & have fun!!

M!A anons are allowed- but sometimes Illumina will just decide not to & simply block the magic attack/spell.

Characters

if a character's name is crossed out, it means they're not available for asks

Illumina // available for asks!

Ghostwalker // available for asks!

'iida'atan // available for asks!

// CURRENT EVENT- none \\

[yo-aloe-vera]

Aaron Bushnell's family has come out against their son's actions, saying that Aaron was "mentally disturbed" and that they had tried to intervene with Air Force leadership "to get him help." They claim he was "brainwashed by Hamas."

They then clarified that they support Israel proudly.

These people who dare use mental illness as a weapon against their own son are members of a cult, the Community of Jesus. Calling themselves an "ecumenical, monastic community," they are known to control members--especially children--by working them to the point of exhaustion and terrorizing them mentally. They fed Aaron on a steady diet of paranoia and distrust of anyone who differed from their whackadoodle cult.

Yet AARON was the one who was "brainwashed" and "mentally unstable."

First of all--if he was mentally ill, it in no way takes away from the profundity and selflessness of his action. "Mentally ill" needs to stop being thrown about as an epithet by which we can dismiss and demean others.

Second of all--It's highly unlikely he had any diagnosable disorder or had shown signs of one up to now. The military in general, and the Air Force in particular, get very, very nervous about mental illness. Not nervous enough to treat veterans with PTSD, mind, but nervous enough to discharge those suspected of being mentally ill with a quickness.

Lastly--what the fuck constitutes mental health in an era when children are murdered before our eyes daily and it's sold as a war for democracy? We're being gaslit at every turn. Had Aaron thrown himself in front of a bullet for a brother in arms, he'd have been hailed a hero. Doing the equivalent for the children of Palestine? He must be mentally ill.

No one is healthy in our environment. Those of us who are functional, I'd wager, are dissociated to a degree that isn't exactly normal. We speak of mental illness as different sets of "maladaptive" behaviors, but what does it mean if you're well-adapted to a constant state of warfare, economic instability, and social collapse?

Fuck Aaron Bushnell's parents. This Sunday, a week after their son's death by fire, they'll walk into their tawdry "Church of the Transfiguration" and genuflect before the image of a man dying of self-sacrifice. A man who said "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

They will prattle on and on about martyrdom, because communities like that love them some martyrs--when they're safely enshrined in the tabernacle of history.

But they'll never, ever once, in their pathetic, twisted little lives, find the strength of a martyr within them. Their son did. And they came out and said it was because he was crazy.

[evansbby]

I just finished watching LOST and here are my thoughts… (spoilers obv)

The finale actually wasn’t difficult to understand at all? Idk why this show is known for having a confusing finale bc I understood it completely? And when I looked up a Reddit explanation, I was like yeah I got all that. It was good. I liked it. Basically Jack dies how they show it, and some die before him (Sayid, Sun, Jin, Locke and more) and some die after him (the ones who escaped the island in the end die later in life when they’re supposed to) and then they all meet in the afterlife. It was cute. I got it. It’s fine. Poor Hurley had to be the caretaker of the island though. Like… I hate that he got no choice and he just HAS to do it lmao. But oh well.

Of course, a LOT of plots were just kinda dropped?? Like Libby’s whole backstory, the lore about the Others including why they kidnapped children, their brainwashing experiments like what they were doing to Karl, Ben’s obsession with Juliet, Ben’s obsession with that girl from his childhood, the time travel stuff — I know they still did time travel but they did seem to drop a lot of stuff that they were hyping up a lot at first. I understand there was a writer’s strike in 2007 but like still… I can understand why a lot of people were dissatisfied with the finale as a lot of questions that the show raised were left unanswered.

I was like super confused and sad that they sidelined the main eye candy of the show aka Desmond Hume so much after his amazing time travel episode bc I thought he would be so much more important as a character after it was consolidated that he could time travel??? But once I finished the show and googled it… turns out the actor has SA allegations against him which is prob why they sidelined his character and he was missing for so long. Which is like… wtf. Why are men like this. WHY CAN’T THEY JUST LIKE… NOT SA PEOPLE??? Desmond is like my fav character in the show too 🥲🥲🥲

Also with the whole Jacob/man in black origins storyline… I cannot be the only one who actually understood where the man in black was coming from??? I mean the poor guy got kidnapped as a child and his mother murdered by some crazy woman who then raised him and kept him prisoner on this crazy island and gaslit him into believing nothing else existed beyond that?? IF I WAS HIM I WOULD WANT TO LEAVE TOO??? Jacob himself was so meh, his twin brother was much more compelling and relatable and we’re supposed to hate him and not root for him??? WHY? Also why was his name never revealed???

Also Jacob was so LAME like we’ve been building up to this dude for seasons and then he just… dies??? Like… okay??? I also don’t understand how the twin (man in black) wasn’t even a bad guy and then he gets pushed into the light by Jacob and suddenly becomes black smoke monster and now we’re meant to hate him and all this man wants is to leave the island??? Why would I hate him??? Jacob literally holding him hostage fr. When it was showing the flashback of their childhood, I kept waiting for a twist which showed that the boy wearing white was evil and the boy in black was good but nope… it was exactly how they showed it.

I really liked Richard Alpert’s backstory episode, bc he was someone I was wondering about for ages like for seasons and seasons I’d be like “omg this dude does NOT age” but I really liked his backstory and found it so satisfying! I really kinda wanted to see what happened with him later on in life like this dude FINALLY escaped the island after a gazillion years… how is he gonna adapt to modern times now??? We literally never saw him or the pilot Frank again after they flew off the island??? Why were they not in the afterlife scene at the end? (Or were they and I just missed it?) also side note but Richard’s eyelashes are INSANE. Like was this man wearing kohl or were his lashes (top and bottom) soooo damn thick that it was distracting??

I HATEDDDD the fact that they killed off John Locke! Like he was one of my fav characters. He was so intense and compelling and the actor was incredible! I hated that they killed him off, like he lived such a sad life and then it’s like he died for nothing. And when I say killed him off I mean in season 5 when Ben killed the real John Locke. It was shocking af.

Speaking of Ben Linus, he was such a pleasure to watch bc that actor is just INCREDIBLE. Best actor on the show in my opinion. Him, John Locke and Desmond Hume were the best actors on the show in my opinion. Ben was just so fun to watch, his whole “no feelings” thing and the way he delivered his lines was just so great. I also loved ben’s backstory and all the stuff with his dad and the dharma initiative. I did want to know more on the whole “no feelings” thing though, bc when the others said they’d “fix” Ben when he was shot by Sayid, they said he wouldn’t be the same again and would lack feelings. Then the same thing happens to Sayid and he loses his feelings too (but then he kinda regains them bc he sacrifices himself with the bomb??? ) idk but an expansion on that would’ve been great.

Okay now onto the couples. I didn’t care much for the love triangle with Jack/Kate/Sawyer although I did prefer Kate with Sawyer at first only because they had really great chemistry. Although I think sawyer loved Kate but Kate didn’t love sawyer. She kinda used him a lot at the beginning and sawyer knew it. I really loved Sawyer with Juliet though!!! I thought they were so sweet. I didn’t care about Jack/Kate but good for them they sort of ended up together before Jack died lol. I also loved Jin/Sun, they were sooooo cute together!!

I LOVED Desmond and Penny!!! They were so so cute and their chemistry was off the charts! I love Penny’s accent, I’m from England too but I barely hear that accent anywhere anymore. Like it’s so posh! But yeah I actually tore up a bit when Desmond and Penny reunited at the end of season 4! And they had little baby Charlie and it was so cute and just… AHHHH loved them!!!

I didn’t care about Charlie and Claire or Hugo and Libby. I think I would’ve liked Hugo and Libby but it was left so incomplete and such a wasted potential. I also didn’t care about Daniel/Redhead girl whose name I don’t remember. No wait it was Charlotte I just remembered lol.

A couple I was really confused about and really disliked was Sayid and Shannon??? Like they were so random??? Bc let’s look at this logically… why would an Iraqi republican guard torturer who has been through so much be interested in a vapid and shallow twenty year old girl?? Like WHAT could they possibly talk about??? Their romance was so random I mean they bonded over the fact she could read french… it was so unrealistic like I cannot even begin to explain how dumb this was. And I don’t hate Shannon at all! It’s just that most 20 year old spoilt rich girls are usually some form of shallow… HOW DID THEY RELATE TO EACH OTHER??? Sayid loved Nadia, his whole purpose was Nadia so why WHY WHY in the afterlife did he reconnect with Shannon??? Like,.. what?!? This was so random to me and I just don’t get it. Also I’m really not trying to hate on Shannon. I feel like she could’ve been so compelling bc her backstory about her dad dying and her stepmom keeping all his money, it was all interesting but then they killed her off before her character could mature and have her arc??? Confusing af bc why bother…

Now about some popular characters I didn’t like. So I didn’t like Charlie and honestly didn’t care when he died. He would always get so weirdly jealous when anyone else spoke to Claire and he was just way too much sometimes like bro chill… you are not Aaron’s father. Also side note but the pronunciation of Aaron’s name by the English/australian/non American characters was weird bc why were they pronouncing his name like “Erin” in the American way??? Just a small detail I found weird and annoying lol.

I also didn’t love Kate… she was just so bland at times like I believe her writing was really bad?? Was it just me?? It’s like the writers didn’t know how to write her well?? The male characters all got such distinct personalities but Kate was so blah? And for a main character being that blah is just… idk… it’s like any time the writers tried to write a female character in a leader position, they’d just make her come across annoying or boring… THEY DID NOT KNOW HOW TO WRITE WOMEN!!! Also she flip flopped sooo much like girl why are you using Sawyer so unashamedly??? Like this woman had NO shame lmfaooo I also hated how she raised Aaron like idk it pissed me off like that’s not your baby!!! But I understood why she had to do it.

Onto what my fav seasons were. I LOVED the vibe of season one. I’m guessing it was quite groundbreaking for its time bc there was nothing else on TV like it. I also loved how fast paced season 4 was. 5-6 were great too! I didn’t love 2-3 that much, especially 3 but it did pick up towards the end. 4 was flawless though and “the constant” is one of the best episodes ever!!!

I wanna keep going and talk about all the characters but I’ll have to save it for a different post.. one more important thing I’ll talk about is MICHAEL. The show did him so dirty bc the moment he shot anna Lucia and libby, he was no longer part of the group. Like… I knew they’d NEVER let him back in, I knew he was unforgivable at that point which sucks bc I really liked his character??! And it’s so confusing what happened to him… they all met in the afterlife at the end but he’s stuck in purgatory??? SO THEN WHAT??? Also it was so unclear how he died? I mean yes the boat exploded but I never thought Michael actually died bc remember he just couldn’t die??? He tried to unalive himself before and couldn’t?? Like it just wouldn’t happen? SO THEN WHY AND HOW DID HE DIE??? It just seems unfair that he was an OG and he didn’t get to end the show with them. Same with Walt… he wasn’t there either. Nor was Vincent!

Anyways, overall great show. Clearly since I’ve got so much to say about it. Do tell me what you guys think!!! I wanna discuss it but I have no one to discuss it with!!!

[briefobservationdreamer]

Kingdom Hearts Characters: Isa/Saix

What I think of the character: Honestly, Isa is my favourite character in Kingdom Hearts. His story is one of the most tragic in the entire series, and yet he never stopped fighting to protect what mattered to him, consistently sacrificed his own happiness and wellbeing for the sake of others and to fix the hurt he ended up causing, even though he was manipulated, gaslit and brainwashed to be a sociopath and was in so much pain at the time. And he put all that pain aside to use what freedom he had to do the right thing anyway. I deeply respect and empathise with him for that. I also love his role in both organisations, essentially being the second in command and administrator planning all the missions and day-to-day running while secretly plotting a coup and I am so glad he succeeded in the end. His weapon and powers are pretty cool too, I’ve always liked powers like these and thought they’re pretty interesting, especially exploring powers with drawbacks.

Headcannons: There are a few I have/like, mostly:

His berserk state, how it works and perhaps other moon-based powers he may or may not have. Its pretty interesting that his title is The Lunar Diviner in English (Seer powers headcannon?), yet his title in Japanese apparently translates roughly to Demon Dancing In The Moon, just referring to his Berserk powers.

How he got his scar is something I’ve been curious about but I think Nomura intends to answer that question at some point, possibly soon. I think the idea of it being a Recussant's Sigil is the one that makes the most sense. It's also interesting how it opens up and grows bigger when he goes berserk.

How he orchestrated his coup, both in the original organisation and how he accomplished it in the new organisation. An idea I had was that he not only arranged Vexen and Demyx's roles with creating the replicas, but established a method of communication with the heroes so they could more effectively work together and increase chances of the plan succeeding, and also leaked information about the Organisation's movements since he is not only one of the higher-ups but the one directly influencing people's roles.

His fondness for animals in general, especially dogs.

How he has adjusted post-recompletion, he is going to have one rough rehabilitation process ahead of him as he transitions back to humanity.

Relationships:

Xemnas and Saix: This really highlights how toxic, manipulative and abusive Xemnas was to all the organisation members, especially Saix who was the most affected. Really not a fan of it as a ship, considering Xemnas basically groomed him since he was a child and Isa absolutely hates him and was never truly loyal. Not only that but Xemnas is also the result of an old man possessing another (younger) person’s body and then losing his heart. Maybe in some kind of AU if that’s your thing, but not for me.

Lea and Isa / Axel and Saix: I’m of two minds. On the one hand, as bros/best friends I really like their dynamic and how their personalities, strengths and weaknesses play off each other. Their story is also one of the more interesting and tragic ones for me and I’m glad they were able to reconcile (though I have some problems with the writing about how it was done, particularly regarding Lea, but that’s a different discussion). As a romance though… I’m sorry but I just don’t like it and much prefer them as best friends. I’m honestly not a fan of romance in general, and seeing just how popular this ship is has been more than a little alienating. So yeah, overall a lot of conflicting feelings with this one.

Isa and Roxas and Xion: I definitely don’t ship them because of the big age gap and the fact that Roxas and Xion are kids, but I do like the idea of Isa becoming more of a big brother/father/guardian/mentor figure similar to Lea once their history has been resolved and things have settled down. That’s not to say Roxas and Xion should just forget all the messed up things they went through, but Isa was not the source of that conflict (Xemnas was) and he isn’t the cold cruel person they knew from the original organisation and I don’t think it should take them months to realise that. I also headcannon that Saix looked after Xion and took her under his wing in the new organisation and they come to an understanding. In my slight KH3 rewrite I also have Roxas be revived slightly earlier. While the problems may not be fully resolved, it gives them time to at least process Isa’s side of the story before the battle in the Keyblade Graveyard.

Isa and Subject X: It’s still much to early to say what their relationship was like, but I like the idea. It gives a face to all the people Ansem and his apprentices experimented on, gives Isa a sympathetic motive and further complexity and tragedy to his and Lea’s story, and I hope they find her in the future.

I also think he could be friends with the wayfinder trio and Ienzo once he becomes comfortable enough to come out of his shell. It's important for him to have other friendships besides Lea.

[the-stray-liger]

OKAY, SO... EPISODE TWO.

Jesus FUCK, Episode Two. It outright confirms the fact that the Gundam Aerial is Ericht Samaya, and reminds us that Aerial, or rather, Eri, was on board with Prospera's grand revenge plan... though now it seems that she's cast aside any pretense of keeping Suletta from being involved given the circumstances, by engaging in the same trigger phrase-induced brainwashing as Prospera to keep Suletta placid and from freaking out any further. It brings forth the question... when Miorine and Suletta finally reunite, will they even be able to recognize each other?

Then you have more questions; given the emphasis placed on the fact the Aerial has 11 GUND-Bits, the imagery of ghosts resembling Eri associated with them, and Suletta's nature as a pawn in Prospera's scheme... Shit, she really is a Puru Clone as a protagonist in a Gundam series. A TWELFTH Puru Clone, even.

I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE WHERE THESE SIGNS ARE LEADING, AND YET I MUST FOLLOW THEM TO THE END.

H E L P

this episode was like the time I was walking on the sidewalk and a guy getting out of a truck opened the door right into my face and almost knocked me out. I loved it. putting it under a readmore for spoilers and bc it may get long

I NEVER expected them to reveal that Eri was the Aerial so soon. Like I knew it somehow but I never expected a confirmation so soon. I thought they'd had to torture it out of Prospera, that she'd have to be losing her mind to admit it, but she outright told Belmeria what she did with 0 signs of remorse or regret. She sacrificed her first daughter to create Aerial and a pilot for it (Suletta is very likely a clone of Eri, since she looks identical to Ericht). Move forward, gain 2.

And of course, we continue to see how much she's manipulated Suletta to the point where she can't process the horror she's had to face. She just parrots her mom's motto because she can't conceive that Aerial could be the source of the violence she's seen, the death of that man she killed to protect Miorine and now Sophie who got straight up FRIED by the data storm. I still don't think that there's any technological thing going on there, I just genuinely think Suletta has been emotionally manipulated and gaslit to believe that her mother was always right and everything is ok. But you can see the cracks showing, she cries as she says this because she can etll it's wrong!!! AAAAAAA I can't wait for Miorine and her to meet up. I hope we don't have to wait until the end of the season for that, I need to see them together again. I feel like they are each other's strength. Suletta needs Miorine as much as Miorine needs Suletta, but Suletta hasn't realized it yet.

I see what you're doing with the Puru clones, it sounds believable that Prospera would make more than one clone before she landed on Suletta, making sure that all of them were assimilated by the Aerial. And after all when the bits deploy, Suletta refers to them as "minna" which is like "everyone". I wish I could say I hope she didn't get dealt a hand as tragic as the Purus got, but this is gundam kaldhfsefjafef I guess we'll have to see. I feel like Gwitch is kind of sshaping out into a "redemption" from a lot of Gundam writing crimes, particularly the fridging and the way in general how it treated female characters inthe UC.

oh my god I don't know my brain is buzzing like a beehive. I thought I was ready because I have watched A Lot of Gundam but I'd never had to live through a Gundam dished out an episode a week with tons of speculating and theorizing in between!! It's so exciting and this anime is deadass tearing me apart

[bi-demon-ium]

things about mr nicholas benedict's life that drive me insane:

the fact he blamed himself for what happened with him and his brother for over two decades, and is still blaming himself, even once he's told two close friends about it

and just generally what we know about his childhood, even in the orphanage, and his complicated relationship with his brother

evidence also implies the glenns were likely not the best adopted parents either

the fact that no one believed him for years leading up to the events of canon and that he was dismissed as crazy/paranoid/a conspiracy theorist, to the point where the other characters note it's had a visible effect on him and he seems more stressed and less happy/healthy every day

also just as a side note the fact that before, what must have been ten years or so before, when milligan first came to his door, it was because he heard rumors about mr benedict: "a brilliant, compassionate man who seems to know about all manner of things... a man who will listen." like on one hand part of that is probably related to the "him being crazy/paranoid/talking about impossible things" but also. the fact that his reputation was still that of a kind genius is just.... ough.

actually everything about how he and milligan is met is ough. i've ranted about this before.

just generally he's been so alone and the other adults are pretty much the only people we know he has a good and lasting relationship with, and they all call him "mr benedict", "benedict", or "sir".

also just thinking in general like. god like. the conversation outside the cabin in 1x03 drives me insane like. how he's just like. so immediately willing to put himself in danger rather than any of them, how he sadly is like. i ask so much of you, of all of you (yes, milligan says gently, but you give more, and nicholas doesn't believe it) and how when he tries to get across i wouldn't ask if i didn't think it was important, please, please forgive me, i don't want you in danger, i promise i'm only asking because i think we need it, but milligan just says i won't let you down like he isn't quite getting the message, the way he says thank you but it's quiet and milligan's already gone when he looks up.......OUGHHH HHH HHH HHHH HHH

and his interactions with the other characters in general like. he's so willing to listen and he's just. he wants to help. ough

the man has the self-esteem of a squashed peanut.

constance, his psychic daughter, describing him as "not strong" and "a glass house built on desperate optimism"

honestly also just all of his interactions with his brother. holy shit.

and how immediately post s1, when he's just gone through the world's worst month, everyone immediately scatters. not that it's their fault or they were wrong to do so but as far as i can tell it's not unlikely that literally right after that it was Just Him And Constance for a while. which is. wild. man got off the emotional rollercoaster still spinning and was immediately made a single father of an angry traumatized child psychic in an empty huge house. amazing

also hey the fact that post season 1 pre season 2 no one believed him again. he was dismissed as jealous, a downer, paranoid, even by his friends, however well-intentioned they were

this man has been gaslit so fucking much.

someone please hug him.

this isn't even getting INTO the brainwashing at the cult compound holy FUCK.

[bi-demon-ium]

okay listen. i understand that nancy deserves some rest, but i have two things to say. a) i would argue that while nancy definitely has Been Through It and Had A Time, she isn't Sleepy. she does not have sleepy energy. i realize this isnt the only qualifier in this tournament, but nonetheless i feel it's significant.

b) i believe someone has already talked a bit about books mr benedict (that'd be the one on the top) so i'm here to tell you about show mr benedict. for a really long time.

first of all, the man is medically sleepy. he has narcolepsy. i'm JUST SAYING. it's kind of his whole vibe.

secondly of all, man looks like he is on the verge of an emotional breakdown literally the msot of the time he's onscreen, with the exception of when he's literally whammied into feeling false joy (we'll GET TO THAT) and even then he's still stressed out and scared.

man had a shitty childhood living in an orphanage with his brother, who he loves, but is very controlling, and then something happens when they're twelve where they get separated (he gets adopted and his brother doesn't) and he blames himself and carries that guilt and self-loathing for decades.

then he spends at least a decade trying to stop a worldwide issue that no one else can or will acknowledge, to the point where he's basically repeatedly gaslit and told that he's crazy and nothing is wrong and he's being paranoid. eventually he manages to gain a few people who believe him (still rotating in my brain that they're all found family and yet exclusively call him by his last name/"mr" benedict, and don't do this with each other) and then realizes the literal only way to stop the dangerous Worldwide Brainwashing is employing the help of actual children, which leaves him distraught and frightened on their behalf and guilty even though he truly believes--and correctly--that they will be in more danger if they don't act than if they do.

and THEN he finds out that the person behind everything--the person who's been brainwashing the world, who's ruined his reputation and swallowed up the last ten or more years of his life, who's repeatedly sent men to attack, taze, and kidnap him, including breaking into his home and trying to kidnap him from there, the person who wiped his friend's memories and stole his life (and later we found out separated him from his daughter, who grew up in an orphanage because of this until she ran away to JOIN THE CIRCUS), the person he's been fighting for so long--is in fact the twin brother he lost so long ago, who knowingly did all of this and never tried to reach out to him. he's devastated and blames himself for how his brother turned out, and by extension in some ways blames himself for everything his brother did. at one point it looks like one of his friends may have died and he blames himself for that too because the man has guilt the size of texas and self worth the size of an electron. the kids also end up in more danger, which he's also guilty and stressed about.

they (mostly the kids to be honest) manage to stop his brother's plans but not before he faces him for the first time in like three decades or so. his brother promptly emotionally manipulates him and uses his disability against him in order to escape, leaving him on the ground with zero regret.

then in season two his brother comes back with YET ANOTHER evil plan, except this time his friends have largely scattered and one of them is like "it's okay if you're jealous but there's nothing wrong, there's nothing to stop" so once again he's telling everyone something is horribly wrong and being dismissed as crazy/paranoid/"just jealous" except now he's not alone except he is because they either aren't there or don't believe him either, even though his brother's new "i can make anyone happy" tv interviews are insanely suspicious. not to mention he's TAKEN CREDIT for stopping the worldwide crisis HE CAUSED, and very much did NOT stop, the thing that again, took up like ten years of nicholas & friends' lives, but sure! that CULT HIS BROTHER IS STARTING OVER THERE ISN'T SUSPICIOUS AT ALL. oh yeah. he's starting a cult. btw.

so his brother kidnaps him and the friend and they're Trapped In The Cult, where everyone keeps comparing him to his brother, and then eventually he gets whammied with the new evil plan, which is basically a thing that makes you feel "involuntary elation" (terrifying combination of words!) but it's like, artificial joy. so he's basically like! haha no more depression! except not really because he's still scared and worried but also isn't at the same time bc His Brain Is Being Messed With and he keeps trying to fight it and going back and forth and basically desperately wanting to give in bc he's so tired, he's so hurt and exhausted and to just be happy would be so nice, to be with his brother again who he loves and misses and desperately wants to redeem, he wants to believe it could be that easy but he can't.

at one point he even learns something--that this false happiness state all the cult members, including him, are in, has unexpected and unintended side effects where they START GOING INTO COMAS THEY WONT WAKE UP FROM, and he knows it'll happen to him, and he notes that he knew he should be terrified and worried but he wasn't, and THAT scared him, but he's just glad anything can scare him at all anymore. which again. terrifying emotional manipulation.

he's also isolated at this point bc he and his friend disagree on how to deal with his brother--nicholas is determined to save him, to talk to him, because he loves him and still blames himself for his perceived abandonment of his brother, while his friend can't or won't understand why he would want to repair their relationship in the first place. also side note this is more the writing than her but she also constantly makes a bunch of comments about his weight that make him visibly uncomfortable and it's?????? please fucking stop. i'm making her sound bad and i swear she isnt most of the time but like jesus christ. why did they include this.

anyway the only person he's really having much positive contact with is his brother, who's actively manipulating him because he also loves nicholas but thinks he has to force him to stay close because of the whole childhood thing and his own obsession with control that stems from their shared disability among other things, so he's going about it in a super fucked up way bc hes a super fucked up guy. so nicholas is struggling with all of this like--their shared past and issues, his own guilt, his brother manipulating him, the Whammying/false joy he's trying to fight but finding it really hard to, the worry over the kids who are definitely making it their business to come and Save Them From The Cult even though they're like 13, etc., and he's also isolated and he's just. the only person he has to talk to consistently is his brother, who is actively manipulating him and hurting him and intentionally driving a wedge between him and his friend to isolate him further and convince him to stay willingly.

eventually the kids do fully break into the cult compound to rescue them (including his adopted daughter who refuses to acknowledge he's her adopted father, because she's a tiny psychic with big issues, who is also now whammied like he has been and in danger of going into a coma) and manage to break him out of the whammy and kidnap his brother out of the cult when they escape and then his brother has a redemption arc speedrun somehow and the daughter does go into a coma and terrifies him but they manage to get her out safely, just barely.

and then the season ends with him finding out they apparently have an evil sister which is insane (i can't believe they eurus holmesd us. i'm still not over this. i'm so angry we're not getting a season three bc i desperately needed to see that particular trainwreck.) between that and the lowkey emotionally abused nephew that as far as i can tell no one told him about, it looks like he has more family issues incoming

anyway this man needs a nap so goddamn badly. not only is he traumatized to hell and back he literally looks like a drowned kitten for more than half of his screentime. even when he's smiling it's either sad or in two seconds it crumbles into a sad expression. for most of season one he's on the verge of tears and for the parts of season two he isn't whammied, particularly the first few episodes, he looks like he's about to have a panic attack for WAY too much of his screen time. please give him some rest, a hug, please give him a nap, man has been through so much and is visibly exhausted, we literally see him not sleeping when he should be or staying up all night multiple times, he's both so sleepy and so exhausted & tired, PLEASE LET HIM HAVE A NAP, PLEASE

[rose2jam]

Why It Was Practically Inevitable That Severus Snape Would Join A Cult, an essay by Rose Jam

So, let’s talk about Cults. Disclaimer: This is just information I’ve gathered over the years from my personal fascination with religious cults.  I’m in no way an expert or a psychologist or whatever.  This is just my personal understanding from the research I’ve done.

A cult is started when a wildly charismatic Leader feels like they have a purpose, a higher calling, or a mission to be fulfilled (or they could also just be an egomaniac). Maybe they really do feel like what makes them special comes directly from a higher power, be that God, or the Heir of Slytherin, but either way, this person has a pathological need to be worshiped, and they need followers in order to do that.  

So, how does one obtain Followers easily? By finding the misunderstood misfits of society, and promising them something.  The people who feel like no one else understands them, or their ideologies.  But this Leader?  This Leader GETS IT, MAN! The Leader understands them perfectly, vindicates them, and makes them promises along the way.  Like, if they stick with the Leader, then not only will they finally be understood, but they themselves will also be revered.  That they will rise above all of the others who have put them down for so long, and will come out on top as a superior being.  

Any of this sounding familiar?

Charles Manson preyed on young people in the middle of the hippie movement, mostly women, who were feeling lost, lonely, and in need of guidance, or in terms of the men he recruited, seeking power over others.  Not all of these people were poor or helpless; some of them came from middle class, or even rich homes and families.  Yes, some of them came from broken homes, but all of them felt “broken” themselves, in some way. So Manson used their desires to have a family to draw them in.  He then used LSD and other drugs to keep them under his control, and he created a manipulative environment where the members of his “family” felt they could never leave him, and if they didn’t follow his commands, something horrible would happen to them.  I’m not going to go into full detail on the Manson Family Murders, but if you’re personally interested, check out the Podcast “Cults” on Spotify.

So back to basics, this Leader draws in Followers with flowery promises of community, power, family, or whatever.  But once the Leader has that following, the terror will begin.  Cult Leaders are usually master manipulators, and have completely brainwashed their followers into believing the “us vs them” mentality, that the outside world is evil, that the outside world will only harm them, that the outside world would never understand what they’re doing on the inside.  And that the Leader is the only one who knows the truth, so they better stick with him.  Or maybe the Leader has gaslit his followers so completely, that they become dependent on him for everything, to the point where they don’t know how they would possibly function without the Leader.  Or, the Leader has created an environment that’s so hostile, that Followers are too afraid of what might happen to them if they tried to leave, or didn’t do what the Leader commanded.  Typically, it’s a combination of all of the above.  Destructive cults will either hurt others outside of their circle (The Manson Family, Sect of Nacozari), harm themselves (Heaven’s Gate, The Ant Hill Kids), or both (The People’s Temple, Aum Sinrikyo).  

Now that I’ve laid this foundation, I’m going to tell you why it was practically inevitable that Severus Snape would join a cult.

Snape’s childhood ultimately laid the foundation for the mental state he would be in when he decided to join the Death Eaters.  He grew up in an abusive household, where his father, the muggle, had his magical wife so thoroughly whipped, that she couldn’t (or chose not to) use magic to defend herself, or her son (1).  Eileen had obviously told Severus about magic, about Hogwarts, about what a wonderful place it was, and what a wonderful gift magic could be.  Severus also watched as Tobias beat the magic out of her.  (I know it’s debated whether Tobias actually physically abused his family, but he certainly verbally/mentally/emotionally abused them, so the term “beat” could be used figuratively as well).  I don’t think it’s unreasonable to believe that Severus developed an extreme hatred of muggles with “burn the witch” mentalities from a very young age because of this.

Enter Lily, perhaps the only other magical person in his life besides his mother up to this point. He sees her using magic out in the open, perhaps recklessly, for fun, and he sees an opportunity to make a friend (and, admittedly, to be smarter than someone about something for a while). He was so eager to tell her all about magic, because getting to learn magic, and go to Hogwarts, has possibly been the only thing keeping him going in his young life.  And now he’s made a friend, a real friend who doesn’t think he’s weird because he’s magical.  Unlike Petunia, yet another muggle who makes fun of him for being weird (2). And Lily actually seems to like him back.  For a kid who probably hasn’t received a lot of affection in his life, this is monumental.  This friendship is everything.  Why wouldn’t he love her?

So the time finally comes to go to Hogwarts.  Severus gets to escape his abusive household, and finally has an opportunity to embrace magic for the first time in his life.  But almost immediately, he’s met with a hic-up.  Specifically, James Potter and Sirius Black.  So Severus is no longer facing abuse exclusively from muggles who think he’s weird, but now he’s also getting it from other magical people who think he’s weird (3).  And this started on the fucking TRAIN before he even GOT to Hogwarts. You can’t tell me that wouldn’t sour a kids dream right off the fucking bat.  And then, when he finally gets there, he’s separated from his only friend, by being sorted into different houses (4).  What a way for a life-long dream to be thoroughly dashed in less than 24 hours.

Let’s look at Snape’s Hogwarts experience.  He’s a good student, and he pours himself into learning as much magic as possible, and at being the best he can possibly be, probably motivated by a desire to be better than what his Father thinks possible.  During this time, he is regularly bullied and abused by the Marauders. Sometime before his 5th year, the Incident at the Shrieking Shack took place.  It definitely sucks to have been so thoroughly fucking duped, and put into a life-threatening situation involving a goddamn werewolf (5).  But perhaps even worse than that, the salt in the wound, was that no one fucking did anything about it (6).  He saw Sirius and James and Remus get out of that situation without facing any sort of proper punishment (as in, they all still stayed at the school as opposed to being expelled like they DEFINITELY SHOULD HAVE BEEN (At least Sirius should have been)). Dumbledore was looking out for the Marauders, but no one was looking out for Severus.  On top of that, Severus isn’t allowed to TELL anyone about it, not even Lily.  So, he goes through what was possibly one of the most traumatic experiences of his life, and he can’t even tell anyone that it happened.

So, what sort of support system does Severus have during all this?  He has Lily, sure (who literally told him he should be GRATEFUL to James, one of his abusers).  But, what he really has, is Slytherin House (7). I’ll say it plainly: Severus was sorted into a house that was already full of existing cult members.  McGonagall says in Sorcerer’s Stone that “Your house will be like your family” (she at least says it in the movies, I’m too lazy to get up and reference my books rn lol).  So, Severus’ family, his support system, for 10 months out of every year, is a house that is already full to the brim with pureblood elitists with prejudiced ideals, who would absolutely vindicate Severus in his dislike for muggles.  As a kid first getting sorted into the house, it’s obviously not unreasonable to become friends with the people you’re literally living with.  His dorm mates became his family.  So, when his dorm mates started to become Death Eaters… This is headcanon, I fully admit, but like, fuck, Severus didn’t have a lot of friends, and was probably already drifting apart from Lily.  Do you really think he was going to tell the people he had to live with every single day, not to mention the only people that had been supporting him for years, to go fuck themselves for using Dark Magic?  Especially when he was probably feeling like he was on the verge of thinking that their rhetoric made some sense?

On to Snape’s Worst Memory (8).  At this point, he’s spent 5 years in Slytherin House, with fellow students who casually throw around the M word.  He gets attacked by James and Sirius, he’s practically defenseless, and then the girl who he’d considered his closest friend for so long… has to force herself not to smile when he’s thrown upside down and exposed to everyone on the grounds.  Sure, she was trying to defend him at first, but she also fucking nearly smiled at his humiliation, his pain, his abuse.  So he hurls the one word that he knows is going to cut the deepest, that will hopefully hurt her as badly as she has hurt him. And it works.

Severus had been beaten down his entire life.  By Muggles and Magic Folk alike.  And finally, he’s betrayed by Lily, his last lifeline to the light.  He betrayed her as well, of course.  But he did try to show remorse.  And she doesn’t forgive him (9), which was her prerogative, of course.  

So.  Who does he have left?

I’ve placed little (numbers) throughout my writing here.  Each of those numbers denote the specific events that led Severus to becoming an angry young man, who hates muggles, hates (some) magic folk, and resulted in him feeling weak, helpless, and desperate.  For what?  For power, for a family, for a community.  For a world where he is no longer the weird one.  For a world where he’s respected, strong.  For the world he thought he was going to be a part of, when he arrived at Hogwarts in his first year.

And it just so happens that this is the exact world that Voldemort is (allegedly) trying to create.

Severus Snape was angry, and vulnerable, and as such, he was practically the poster child for the type of person who would be susceptible to falling for a cult.  Maybe he was recruited by his friends in Slytherin House.  Maybe he was recruited directly.  Either way, charismatic Tom Riddle came along, understood how he felt, where he was coming from, told him he deserved better, and offered him all of the things he never had in his life.  And being at rock bottom, being the lowest of the low, to Severus it must have seemed like a miracle of an opportunity, or perhaps, like the only chance he had left.

Now, let me be extremely clear; everything I’ve written is not trying to EXCUSE Severus Snape for his actions.  There is always a point where personal responsibility must come into play.  Except for children born into cults or victims of kidnapping, nearly every person who has ever joined a cult has made the personal decision to join it. I’m just trying to express how unbelievably easy it is, for a Cult Leader to find people with damaged lives and low self-worth, to suck them in with promises of a fulfilling life and grandeur, and for those people to be easily swept up and brainwashed into believing that what they are doing is right.  (Or that what they are doing is required, because the alternative is more horrifying.)  

The type of people who joined the Death Eaters are the same type of people who joined Heaven’s Gate, or The People’s Temple, or yes, The Manson Family.  Now, I’m just going to say, from my own personal point of view, I do not vilify anyone who’s ever joined a destructive cult.  On the contrary, I feel sorry for them.  Because most people who join a cult, don’t necessarily do it signing up for the… end result of what happened to them.  Some of them totally do, like Heaven’s Gate. Most of them knew that the end result was going to be the “evacuation of their earthly vessel”.  But the people who joined the Manson Family, for instance, did not initially join it KNOWING how it was going to end.  They were part of the family long before Manson even came up with Helter Skelter, and by the time the Tate-LaBianca Murders took place, they were already too far gone to go against it.

I highly recommend anyone who’s interested in a humanizing view of former cult members, to read the essay “Leslie Van Houten: A Friendship” by John Waters. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/leslie-van-houten-a-frien_b_246953

Or, at the very least, listen to this 7 minute NPR interview with John Waters about the essay https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=111585116

It’s the story of how notorious film maker John Waters, became friends with former Manson Girl, Leslie Van Houten, and about how she broke away from the cult after her conviction, how she’s spent the last 51 years of her life recovering from the psychotic influence of a maniac who’d promised her the world, and how even though she was convicted to life WITH a possibility of parole, it’s never been granted to her, despite the fact that she has done literally everything possible to try and atone for her crimes.

Maybe I’m just a bleeding heart.  I’m pretty much the only person I know who feels sorry for Leslie Van Houten and other cult members who were brainwashed, abused, and manipulated into doing a lot of the horrible things they’ve done.  But there are people in the world, who have committed FAR more heinous crimes than the Manson Family murders, and who are far less repentant than Leslie, but because those crimes weren’t as notorious, they get to walk free.

Addendum: When I first posted this, I had a few people point out to me that they had always associated Voldemort and the Death Eaters with Hitler and Nazi Germany.  This is a perfectly fair point, but one that I personally don’t jive with, and the reason is simply the numbers.   There were literally millions of people in the Nazi party during WW2.   Death Eaters don’t even reach triple digits, as far as I’m aware.  As I hinted at in this essay, I consider Voldemort and the Death Eaters to be MUCH closer to Charles Manson and the Manson Family.  The Manson Family 100% had Nazi ideology, of course. "Helter Skelter” was Charles Manson’s prediction that there was going to be a massive race war; one that the Whites were going to lose, and that he and his Pure White family would emerge from it in order to rule over the remaining Blacks.  Kinda... sounds like a Death Eater thing, huh?

Sorry.  Back to Snape.  There is a lot we don’t know about Severus’ actual time as a Death Eater. I think it can be reasonably assumed he’s never actually killed anyone before Dumbledore (In Prince’s Tale, Severus questions if his soul would be safe from killing Dumbledore, and Dumbledore implies that his soul would not be damaged by helping an old man avoid pain and humiliation.  This leads me to believe that Severus never committed any soul-damaging murders before this).  Beyond being a sneaky spy and delivering the prophecy to Voldemort, his time as a Death Eater is all up for conjecture.  

Severus does make one important deviation from the typical cult member mold, however.  In the end, he manages to break away from the cult.  The scales fall from his eyes.  In a figurative sense, the LSD has worn off.  What made him sober up, was the threat to his last lifeline to the light. The one good fucking thing he’d ever had in his miserable life.  He was brought back by genuine love.  Ya know, the ENTIRE MESSAGE OF THE HP SERIES. And not only did he leave the cult, but he then spent the rest of his life actively attempting to destroy it, and atone for the mistakes he’s made, in an effort to bring back the world he’d been excited for, as an 11-year-old kid, so full of hope.

[benedictsvestcollection]

Okay so the director of WV, Matt Shankman did an interview yesterday and said something that inherently pissed me off so I’m gonna rant. 

In an article with TV Line (and probably other sites too but this is where I saw it) he claimed: "Wanda has suffered more loss than anybody in the MCU." (and in another interview he also claimed that WV is the only MCU project to explore mental illness) 

Let me tell you why that pisses me the HELL off. 

They’re trying to make us feel sorry for Wanda as if:

She’s the only one who’s suffered loss or trauma in the MCU (newsflash: she’s DEFINITELY not. Not even close.)

She didn’t willingly join a Nazi organization. She literally volunteered for Hydra.

She didn’t take a whole town hostage in her grief and when they asked her to free them all she said NO. 

You know who else in the MCU has suffered grief and trauma? Just as much (if not more than whitewashed W*nda?)

Tony Stark: Iron Man 3 is literally an entire film about him dealing with PTSD and anxiety from going through a wormhole in the Avengers. (Don’t use the ‘he sold the missile that killed W*nda’s family argument when it was established in IM1 that all that shit was Obadiah Stane and Tony didn’t know about that then)

Thor: Lost both his parents, his brother, his best friend Heimdall, and half his people were slaughtered. And worse? His trauma and depression were just mocked and played for laughs in Endgame.

Bucky: Was brainwashed and tortured by Hydra (coincidentally the same organization that W*nda volunteered for) for what.... 70 years? 

Gamora: Half her planet was freaking destroyed by Thanos who then essentially kidnapped her and tortured her to become a killing machine for him.

Nebula: Was also made and tortured to be a killing machine for Thanos. (both her and Gamora were/are now redeemed as of Endgame)

Carol: Was kidnapped by the Kree, brainwashed/gaslit for god knows how many years to kill and slaughter other planets for the Kree. 

Now.... Onto the ‘only MCU project to explore mental illness’ part: 

Another hilarious statement to make when:

Iron Man 3, again pretty obviously shows Tony dealing with PTSD and anxiety. And even talking his shit out with Bruce in the end. 

It’s already been stated by Sebastian Stan that in FAWS Bucky will be going to therapy and will be ‘a mess’ (understandably so) throughout S1.

It’s been stated that Moon Knight will address Marc Spector’s mental illness/Dissociative Identity Disorder. (I know this isn’t out yet but I wanted to point that out)

So to sit there and act like W*nda’s some special snowflake when she is in fact, NOT. Pisses me the hell off. 

Especially since after all of the previously mentioned characters were redeemed.... 

And none of them took an entire fucking town hostage and then outright refused to free them when asked. 

I’m not here to feel fucking sorry for her after that shit, so don’t add any W*nda apologist crap on this post. I will block you so hard and fast if you do. 

[lynkhart]

MAJOR spoilers for the C2 finale of Critical Role so read at your own risk of you haven’t caught up!

I have so many feelings regarding Caleb and Essek’s intertwining character arcs I needed to explore, so strap in folks, you’re in for a bit of a ride! (But seriously though, this is like 4000 words long, I basically wrote an essay 😂)

At the start of the campaign, Caleb Widogast was dripping in guilt and self loathing and refused to believe he could ever absolve himself of his sins. Essek Thelyss was a cold, aloof individual who betrayed his people for selfish goals, and their differing yet mirrored narratives have been an absolute delight to watch unfold.

In the beginning Caleb truly hated himself. He shot down any attempt at a compliment, described himself as a ‘disgusting person’, outright rejected the idea that he was worthy of love, and never let the blame shift from him for what he’d done. When Beauregard and Veth/Nott pointed out that he was coerced and manipulated into killing his parents, he reacts in an incredibly visceral way, and I’ve seen several comments likening it to a victim of child abuse who was groomed into believing they were as responsible as their abuser, and I think that’s exactly how it was meant to be read. He doesn’t see himself as a victim, only a murderer, and punishes himself for it every day. We see this in the way he presents himself, dirty and unkempt because in his mind he doesn’t deserve to feel good about himself in any way. Other than Nott/Veth and Beau to a certain degree, he purposefully isolates himself from the rest of the group and it’s a long time until he feels relaxed enough in their company to drop his defences a little.

(Speaking from a purely meta point of view, Liam did an absolutely phenomenal job of showing this through body language and I’d love to see someone do a compilation video of it. He starts off very hunched and guarded, leaning his body away from the closest person to him and avoiding eye contact and physical touch; but by the end stands tall and sure of himself.)

Early on there were a few moments where he had the option to do some pretty dark shit, and I’m sure there’s a possible timeline where he gave into his desire for revenge and really lost his way, but I’m glad he stuck it out and worked through his trauma in the way he did. His PTSD and disassociation when casting with fire was tragic, but over time he was able to work through it thanks to the constant love and support of his friends who kept him from going off at the deep end.

Molly’s death was the catalyst for change in a lot of the party, and Caleb is no exception. On the verge of leaving the group prior to his death, the grief they shared, combined with their frantic attempt to rescue the other half of their party put things in perspective and gradually he learned how to be a person again, to care.

Altering time to save his family had been Caleb’s only goal in life, and so when Essek and by extension, dunamancy was introduced, you could see his eyes light up at the possibilities.

A huge turning point for him is aligned so closely with Essek’s redemption arc which feels quite apt I think. When Essek confesses to his crimes, Caleb delivers a beautifully iconic piece of dialogue where he acknowledges their similarities and how much he himself has changed as a person since meeting the Mighty Nein. (Source - CR wiki)

‘You listen to me. I know what you are talking about. I know. And the difference between you and I is thinner than a razor. I know what it means to have other people complicate your desires and wishes. And I was like you. Was. I know what a fool I have been for years. You didn't account for us. Good. That is life. Shit hits you sideways in life and no one is prepared. No one is ready. These people changed me. These people can change you. You were not born with venom in your veins. You learned it. You learned it. You have a rare opportunity here, Thelyss. One chance to save yourself, and we are offering it.’

This is not the same Caleb we met back in the Nestled Nook inn way back in the first episode. While not yet fulfilled or entirely convinced of his own worth, he knows he’s on the right path. That alone is progress enough, but that he uses his own experiences to help another escape those same chains of guilt says such a lot for his development. When he tells Essek that his ‘venom’ was learned, he’s also talking about himself and his own history of being manipulated and gaslit, with the implication being that it can be un-learned just as efficiently.

Caleb Widogast is selfish no more, or at the very least, doesn’t let his goals undermine anyone else’s anymore. Contrary to what he himself might still think, he is in no way a bad person. He loves fiercely and cannot abide seeing those he cares about in pain.

Early game Essek is what Caleb could have been if he’d rejected his friends and focused solely on his own selfish goal to undo his mistakes. Both are impassive at first and see the Mighty Nein as means to an end...until they get to know them and then their fate is sealed. The Power of Friendship wins once again!

At the beginning Caleb said he wanted to ‘bend reality to my will’ (sic) and in the end he does just that, though not in the way he originally intended. Destroying the T-Dock, and by extension the one thing he’d been building towards from the start, the chance to go back and change time, for me personally was the absolute peak of his journey. I rewatched the scene where Caleb revealed the truth about his parents death today, and it was really jarring to see just how far he’d come since then. It made me oddly proud actually.

I always felt like his plan to save his parents was the one thing holding him back from truly accepting their deaths, which is why the final scene of him in the cemetery with the letters for them hit so hard. He never truly gave up hope that they’d be reunited, but ultimately he realised he was merely postponing the inevitable and never allowing himself to live his own life. While time travel shenanigans would have been incredibly interesting to explore in game, choosing to let the past lie and not go back for them finally allows him to grieve and move on, and perhaps most importantly of all, to forgive himself at last.

I know some people were annoyed by Caleb’s decision in the finale to spend the rest of his life teaching rather than continuing to adventure, but I see it as the natural conclusion to his whole arc and his own personal victory.

He looked Trent Ikithon in the eyes, a man who he’d spent years wanting to kill and run from in equal measure, stripped him of his power and his voice (and ultimately his ability to harm anyone else) and finally spared his life so he had to live with the indignity of his defeat for the rest of his miserable existence. You couldn’t have asked for a more damning rejection of everything he’d been brainwashed into believing as a child. His dismissal of Trent’s position in the Assembly played into that as well. He never really wanted power for the sake of it; he had no desire for politics, he just wanted his family back, and while he didn’t get the one he started with, he made a new one for himself in the end.

As Caduceus once very wisely said:

‘Pain doesn’t make people; it's love that makes people. The pain is inconsequential; it's love that saves them.’

Caleb gets to break the cycle of abuse and teach a new generation of mages the way he should have been, with kindness and respect, and I’m pretty sure he’d have introduced a handsome drow as a guest lecturer from time to time. 😉

Speaking of...

Essek described himself as selfish and as a coward, forever putting his own wants and desires first, yet over the course of his journey with the Nein we see his priorities change drastically.

Having friends gives him people to care about, something he’s never had before, and it changes his outlook on life completely. For me, the first time we really see this is when he joins them for dinner in the Xorhaus and stops levitating. It’s a subtle thing, but meaningful. He explains that it had become an expectation of him, a quirk he’s known for, and so to feel comfortable enough around the Nein to drop that pretence is quite bold I think.

Much later, when he chooses to destroy the mini beacon they discover in Aeor in order to give everyone a long rest before the final confrontation with Lucian, he’s essentially giving up everything he betrayed his people for, just to keep his friends safe. The existence and context of that single artefact could have had an earthshattering impact on the Dynasty’s entire culture, forcing them to reevaluate their entire belief system and attitude to the Luxon, something he’d wanted from the start, something he helped start a war for, but he offered it up as a sacrifice without a second thought.

I’d say that’s a pretty big morality shift, and I’m super interested to see if Matt reveals if his alignment changed in the post campaign Q&A. I have a feeling he set him up as a potential BBEG but the party was like ‘no, you can’t have him, he’s ours now’ and that was the end of that. 😂

I think it says so much about the other characters too, that they befriended this person they barely knew, and when he was revealed to have done such terrible things, their first reaction was to give him comfort and an opportunity to atone. Jester held his hand while he confessed, and afterwards, while they didn’t immediately forgive him, they saw the good in him and wanted him to be better, which ultimately feels like what the entire campaign was about, leaving places (and people) better than they found them. It’s obvious that he’s never really had many friends before and has therefore never had the opportunity to be emotionally open with anyone, so seeing him gradually warm up to the Nein and allow himself to soften around them was really lovely to watch.

(Obviously, from a realistic moral perspective, he still fucked up big time. He’s still a godsdamned war criminal and really should have been put on trial for what he did, but I think from a narrative and personal point of view, his redemption arc was far more satisfying, so I’m glad it happened the way it did. (And not to derail but the rest of the gang have done some pretty horrific stuff as well, though perhaps not quite on the same scale)

He has a few moments towards the end that I absolutely love because they show that beneath the guilt and anguish, there’s an incredibly sweet and sensitive soul in there, just wanting acceptance. His dry jokes which often don’t quite hit, (the ‘I will punish the bakery’ line is such an under-appreciated one 😂) his simple joy at learning to garden in the Blooming Grove, and realising that he’d never been asked what his favourite food was before was actually kind of heartbreaking, because it highlighted how lonely his life must have been until that time. There was a moment pretty early on I think when he cast disguise on the party and Jester asked if he could cast it again to change the look of her outfit a bit and while he seemed to find it amusing, he refused, not wanting to waste a spell on such a frivolous request. Cut to their time in Aeor where he burns a fly spell just so he and Caleb can flirtatiously swoop around each other for a couple of minutes, all the while trying to beat Lucian to the city.

His breakdown when Molly’s resurrection failed really cemented to me how much he’d grown as a character. He never met Molly, his only knowledge of him was secondhand, through the eyes of his friends, but seeing it fail just broke him because he knew how much it hurt them to go through it all over again.

His comment to Caleb about not admitting defeat and wishing he could do more did get me wondering at the time if he was going to try and do something crazy, perhaps sacrificing himself via the Temporal Dock to make amends or somehow forcing another reroll, but I’m glad he didn’t. The conversation following that with Fjord was one of my favourites- he shows him acceptance and belief in his potential for the future, something he’s lacked for a long time, and when Caleb bluntly affirms afterwards that he is indeed an official member of the Mighty Nein, it’s the start of the rest of his life, and something he’s exceptionally grateful for.

It all leads to that final moment in Aeor with Caleb, when, presented with the opportunity to alter time and undo everything, he chooses to accept his decisions and carry the weight of his sins for the rest of his long life. That’s...huge.

He’s essentially choosing to live the rest of his existence as a fugitive, forever on the run, with no guaranteed peace or safety. He chooses to spend his life making up for his deeds, rather than looking for an easy way out.

I think that may have had a big impact on why Caleb ultimately made the same decision, as if Essek had been up for altering his timeline I think he’d have struggled to resist it himself. The conversation they had earlier in Aeor about their priorities and resisting temptation really comes to mind as well.

Now, to the relationship.

It was subtle, and not as ‘in your face’ obvious as the other characters, but I’ve been watching and hoping for a long time and I must say, it feels good to be vindicated.

(And if you have any doubt, both Matt and Liam confirmed on Twitter that their post finale relationship was 100% romantic)

I’d been hoping that Shadowgast would be a canon endgame relationship for a while, so the finale, and the aforementioned T-Dock scene in particular had me quite literally shaking with emotion as I watched live. Here you have two men, both damaged and guilt-stricken in their own ways, who find in each other a kindred spirit and a path to redemption.

They’re both very guarded and closed off people, but Essek in particular has a definite shift in the last arc of the campaign especially when it came to his interactions with Caleb. At the start he was quite aloof and stoic, though charming, and they had an instant connection through their shared love of the arcane, (anyone who couldn’t see them making heart eyes at each other when Essek was describing the different types of magic he could teach Caleb was clearly blind) but by the end he was incredibly open to showing his vulnerabilities and that takes a lot, especially for someone whose primary focus was to stay in control of every aspect of his life. The ‘Caleb, I’m scared’ moment during the Trent fight in particular made my heart ache.

No, we didn’t get a dramatic declaration of love or a cinematic mid-battle kiss, but I’d argue that their relationship was just as, if not more intimate than any of the other main characters were. They understood each other in a way the others didn’t, their shared guilt, feelings of inadequacy and their obsession with magic forged a deep connection from the get-go. Neither of them are big fans of PDA I think, though Caleb is tactile as hell (forehead touches and kisses, oh man, I’m so weak for those 😩👌) and some of their most iconic moments have them putting themselves in harm’s way to protect the other. Essek shaking off his forced guilt trip immediately after the now infamous forehead touch in ep140 was beautifully poetic, as was using his fortune’s favour to pull Caleb out of the rubble moments before. Caleb trying to include him in his Sphere of Invulnerability in the finale and Essek staying close to him the whole fight despite being obviously terrified of Trent was the icing on the cake. It’s clear that they care for each other a great deal; whether by the finale they’d consider it love is up for debate, but we know that’s eventually where it ended up and honestly, I love that. I deeply appreciated the fact Matt and Liam both emphasised that they took their time with their relationship, letting each other heal in their own way before they took the next step. All too often in media, and real life too sadly, a romantic relationship is seen as some kind of quick fix, and that a lover will somehow complete you or make all your problems vanish. They knew this wasn’t the case here, and that made it all the better.

While I would have *loved* to have seen them together as a couple right to the very end, the change in their relationship felt right, if bittersweet. I doubt they ever stopped loving each other, and if anything, choosing to shift to a deep and lifelong friendship over a romance that would cause them both so much pain is one of the kindest things you could do for someone you love. After all, friendship isn’t a downgrade, just another way of experiencing that same love, and it wasn’t as though they broke up and never saw each other again, it was pretty strongly implied that they remained a major feature in each other’s lives, they just changed their label slightly. Caleb would hate to have forced Essek to watch him wither away, and although his eventual passing would hurt Essek regardless, incompatible lifespans being what they are, having a period of time to adjust to it, to give them a buffer between the inevitable heartbreak was actually really sweet.

Their romance was no accident, they knew going in that it had a time limit, that it wasn’t going to be forever for one of them, and the fact they did it anyway says so much. They began their adventure wholeheartedly believing that they were both, in their own way incapable of love, only to later find it with each other. Whether their relationship lasted for a couple of years or multiple decades is irrelevant, what matters is that while it did they had a happy and fulfilled life together.

I know some folk wanted Caleb to use the transmogrification spell on himself so he could live on with Essek as another elf, or make him human instead, but that would have been way out of character for both I think. If they could have backwards engineered one of the rejuvenation stations in Aeor and used it to extend Caleb’s life by a hundred years or so, so he’d have a similar lifespan to Veth, now, I could have seen him possibly doing that, so he could spend more time with his best friend too, but nothing further I think. He longed to be reunited with his parents too much to postpone death unnaturally like that.

That both Caleb and Essek ultimately chose to live with their mistakes and make peace with themselves was incredibly cathartic, and I couldn’t imagine it playing out any better.

The fact Matt has explicitly stated Essek is Demi too means so much to me personally because the latter is a label I’ve been identifying with a lot recently, and it’s so rare for aspec relationships to get any representation! It has honestly given me a lot to think about over the last few days, and I really appreciate it.

To conclude, here’s a bit of shameless self promotion. I wrote this after watching the finale and honestly feel like it sums up my feelings on the nature of their relationship pretty well.

‘A casual hand on a shoulder, a waist, a wrist; a gentle kiss placed on a forehead is common between them now, an intimacy born of trust and mutual affection. Over time it grows, like a fire born of seasoned timber; gradual and steady, no spluttering kindling that flares and sparks, but a slow burn, one which lasts.

Their love is embroidered into every aspect of their lives together. Acts of service, of comfort, of understanding.

Sometimes a kiss leads to more than a kiss, sometimes it doesn’t. Either way they are content.‘

So yeah, I love these two wizard boys so very much and I couldn’t be happier with the conclusion of their stories. ❤️

[marshmallowprotection]

I replayed Seven’s route and saw through the secret ending episodes (haven’t done that since 2019) and man is it me or is Rika kinda apathetic towards Saeran in the secret endings. In Ray’s route and especially his AE, she’s so fixated and obsessed with him and Saeyoung in hopes of this “happy family” and to feel needed. She was obsessive and possessive saying how much she loves Saeran like a mom loves her son. But in the Secret Ending when Saeran had a mental breakdown over him not getting the revenge Rika promised him. She got irritated and basically asked her believers to brainwash Saeran again and treated him like he was disposable, like Saeyoung can just take his place in “paradise”.

Like what happened, do you think the time between Another Story and Original Story was enough for her to lose her humanity along the way and play prophet full time. Like how Saeran’s demeanor in both those timelines are different bc he had to withstand Mint Eye’s treatment long enough to fixate on revenge completely and get a tattoo that solidified his devotion to what he didn’t know was a false cause.

Do you think Rika’s apathetic attitude is why Ray was “disposed” of in OS (I would say as an alter he was just dormant, covering his eyes and ears in a sense yknow?). Ray didn’t really play any part in OS so I thought Rika was done “playing mom” (since in the AE she said she missed Ray bc Ray was someone who needed her.) and wanted 100% focus on her plan

Sorry for rambling too much, this started off as a simple question but then my brain went “wait 🤔 what if 🤨”

-Moomi✨

So, a lot of this comes down to how you feel about connecting the two stories. A lot of people do not connect Another Story and Deep/Casual. So there are people that will say that it's just two different realities where possible circumstance can happen. I personally connect the two and I write with that in mind. Let me just say that there is a two-year time period between the two points that you can play in. That is a long time for things to happen and play out.

It's only been 6 months since he was taken in Another Story when Ray is there. Not a lot of time has passed and he is fresh in paranoia and in the manipulation that has been expended upon him. He is loyal to a T and very emotionally distraught. He is very lost and clinging to the last shred of hope that he has. There's a part of him that is cut throat and willing to destroy if that's what he has to do, but there's another part of him that's crying out when that happens.

Because he doesn't want to do those things but he has no choice.

She is the only person that's left in his life that hasn't abandoned him and he truly believes everything that she's told him. He's constantly trying to get her praise and attention because he doesn't want to be left behind. Suit Saeran said to himself that all of their vulnerable points of holding onto hope are inside of Ray. There is a reason why without the MC that Ray wouldn't be able to survive for very long. It's because Ray would never be getting positive influence. He would be a hurt more and more the longer that he was forced to lash out.

It would eventually destroy him. It would be too painful for him to exist because he would have nothing and it would be pointless. He would run himself ragged to give his savior what she wanted and he wouldn't be able to keep up with what she wanted. It would overload him. That is why Suit Saeran what eventually emerge at some point during that time period that would be after Ray combusted.

Suit Saeran isn't exactly stable either. He is built on anger and animosity, but he has just as many emotions as Ray has even though he tries to deny them. It's just instead of balling up everything inside of him, he's taking it out on everyone else because that's what he's been told his strength. He would work himself just as hard as Ray had, but there would be a part in the side of him that was just as twisted.

I personally do not see Suit Saeran and Unknown as the same person so that's important to note here. I imagine that at some point during that period after he gained control, something really bad would happen and it would cause a fracture inside of him. Unknown would be born if that split and eventually take control of the body. He is a lot more twisted. He's let go of the part of him that has hope, and the only thing that he's holding onto is devastation and destruction.

Everything is everyone else's fault and they need to pay for it. His sole purpose is completing their Revenge. He has a one-track mind and there's no doubt about that. He doesn't know what he's even going to do once he gets his revenge. He hasn't even planned that far. You can see that in a lot of the Bad Endings on Seven's Route. He is very emotionally vulnerable and on a hairpin trigger that could be easily broken. In a way he's like Ray. He and Ray have a lot more in common than he and Suit Saeran do with that.

Unknown has fully committed himself to this system. Whereas, with Ray and Suit Saeran, the both of them are able to express to the MC in the game, but they have doubts and that they know that she's not right but they have no other choice. Yes, they are committed to it in a sense but that doesn't mean that they are completely and wholeheartedly consumed by the Cult. There is still a part of them that is seeking that individuality and fighting against the pain and what sounds wrong.

Unknown has given himself to this. He sees no other point and he sees no other purpose. He's been tortured and pushed around his entire life, and it's been blamed on V and Saeyoung. This is the only thing that he's able to focus on and it's the only thing that he knows. It's the only thing grounding him. Rika is right behind him and whispering these lies and manipulation into his ear every single day. She treats him the way that she treats all of them, like a dog chasing food on the end of a string. She says pretty words and has great ideas, but if you follow her, you're never going to get the treat at the end.

And with Unknown, you know that he's been gaslit and manipulated to a degree much more lengthy than what Ray and Saeran went through; he's been stuck in this place by himself with nobody to hold on to. That just didn't stop because he started listening to what she wanted. That continued on. So did her constant denial of giving him praise. He's constantly trying to do things for her and that will make her praise him, and she always avoids doing it. He's always Chasing the Sun but he's never going to be able to touch it.

With Rika, you know that she's trying to cope by saying that she's a better mother. She's so lost in everything that she's been through and all of this anger that she's holding onto, that she's masking everything that she's doing and living her lie to the fullest. It's her way or the highway. She wants to get her revenge and she wants to prove that she was always right. She wants to be able to look at the crumbled remains of RFA as they seemingly all join her side one by one, and leave V in the dust.

She wants him to be a million things all at once. Her expectations for him are beyond what anyone could ever be. She says if you do this or that, she'll praise you and you'll be the best. But in reality, you're never going to be good enough in her eyes. That is the reality that he has to face. It's one that he tries to deny because she's made him truly believe that she's the only person that he has left. Yet, she treats him so horribly and only gives him enough so that he doesn't have enough doubts to make a fight.

She is apathetic. It's been so long and he's been failing her consistently in the secret ending. He wasn't able to get the MC. He wasn't able to get the party guests or the plans. He wasn't able to make good on any of the promises that he said that he was going to do. She's angry at him and she does what she's always done, blame him for being too emotional and punish him with more cleansing ceremony is so he can become the person that she wants them to be.

But like I said, the problem with that is that he's never going to be what she wants him to be.

She gets impatient. She stops putting on a pretty and friendly face for him. It's because he's not getting her the results that she wants fast enough. It's because he's not living up to what she wants him to be. It's because she's not happy and no matter how much she tries to use him to get what she wants to be happy, she's never going to be happy.

She's in a completely different place at this point in her life than she was in Another Story. She's had a hell of a lot more time to ruminate and get angry about how she's not getting results. At some point, she gets bored and tired of not getting what she wants. She's got a throne and she's got all of this power, but it's not making her happy. V is never giving her the response that she wants whenever they interact, and this just keeps feeding back into it. Her unchecked trauma and inability to accept responsibility for her crimes all play into this. The shame and the guilt...

I really do think that she lost whatever shred of humanity that she had. If you want to say that she had any of it. She's really had more time to get herself into place with the Savior position. She starts to think that she did the right thing by what she did to Mother Choi. She starts to think that she was right about doing what she did to the boys. What she did to V.

All of the people around her are constantly likening her to a saint and telling her that everything that she's doing is perfect and correct. She becomes more and more desensitized to the violence that she is committing. She is personally involved with many of the cleansing ceremonies. She is constantly there with all of this violence and trickery.

These are things that affect your psyche.

At some point, everyone around her is just useful for her goals. She doesn't really care what happens to Saeran because she has no more patience for him. He's constantly questioning her and fighting her. He doesn't listen like Ray listened. He makes a point of pushing back and at some point she just decides that it would be easier to get rid of him if she has to do it. In a lot of the Bad Endings, he does not know what the trigger to the bomb does. She literally just tells him that it's going to do something that will hurt his brother so much.

And he believes everything that she says. In those endings, she gives him the trip to the bomb because she wants to clear up the loose end. If she gets rid of him, she can easily manipulate his brother to do what she wants and turn him against V. She can use that opening to get whatever she wants. Seven would never know. She would just change her tactics and manipulate the other brother. Because at this point in her life, all she cares about is getting back at V. She blames him for everything and wants to destroy him for it. Nothing else matters at that point. She has a one-track mind at that point.

And what's more disheartening is the fact that she thinks that she wants that, but there's something inside of her that doesn't want that. She's just as conflicted as the rest of them are. I think it should be very telling to anyone about what's going on in her head space just by telling you to look at how willing she is to throw him away in the secret ending. She was ready to just throw him into the basement to have him used and abused again. Even if his brother tries to defend him and offer himself up, she's still pretty much ready to throw Saeran away.

She screams at him because he doesn't listen. That's why she says that she should have took his brother instead. She's tired of him fighting her and not obeying her every order and being her little puppet. She stops caring about him as a son when she realizes that a son isn't going to be her cute little puppet.

[dangermousie]

I love how they mirror each other, here they say the same thing in unison - they definitely fit well together (and that goes even in things like keeping the other person in the dark for their own good/taking decisions out of that person’s hands - this is such a pattern between them that honestly it doesn’t bother me because it’s clearly a basic character trait and it would be weird for it to disappear. She pushed him away on the mountain, he pushed her away repeatedly as Lord Bo, she drugged him to go and rescue his brother etc etc. That’s just how they are dysfunctionally built.)

This happens much later but I feel like bringing it up now so:

They have clearly cut the FUCK out of the plot. I mean, this comes out of nowhere - now she has super strength thing (and probably hulked out since she asked Snake Lady about whether she hurt her) like Wolfie used to but also black blood which means imminent death and WHAT HOW WHY I feel like I skipped five episodes. Honestly, the things I want to do to the censors should be banned by the Geneva Convention.

I mean, three versions - (1) she decided to take the hulk out medicine because she wanted to go rescue Fourth Brother so Wolfie won’t go and die. She didn’t care about the side effects danger because she doesn’t want to live without Wolfie anyway but they are even quicker and more severe than she thought. That doesn’t make sense since she has a whole army at her disposal, she doesn’t need to go by herself. (2) She took it as part of effort to find antidote for Wolfie’s issues and either it failed or she didn’t lie when she told Wolfie during their wedding there is an antidote (and there is some plot reason why he could have it but she can’t.) (3) Remember that weird as hell treatment the King told Snake Lady to give to her supposedly for her legs back way when and it was gonna be a means to control her and there was something creepy in the water but they never showed what and it seemed to have been dropped. I think the King could have ordered Snake Lady to give her that stuff, but it was only a little and maybe the plan went haywire later with all that happened, so it didn’t really catch up with her until now. 

I mean, I really NEED to know that stuff. It drives me crazy that it clearly had a very functional plot (no, it was never going to be Joy of Life or The Story of Minglan, but it clearly had a thought out dark fairy tale type of plot - certainly as solid as e.g., Prince of Lan Ling, Love and Redemption or similar) but because of the cuts, some of it now lurches as a no-leg monster. The drama still works so much for me because of its emotional, shippy and character beats, but objectively the narrative becomes a huge mess at times.

The other thing (I was talking about it to @andoqin​ and I am lazy and am stealing a lot of it from what I said in chat), is in the original Wolfie killed her father (just take a look at those scenes - the build, the weapons, the clothes, it’s Wolfie) and censors made them cut it. Which - then the story then becomes “I hated him but now I know he didn’t kill my dad, I do not” and that is a fun cliche but cliche. But it’s a factual mess and emotionally the other narrative is more interesting.

Factually:

1. She never talks during her big taking him back scene about “now I know you are utterly innocent of killing my dad” which you would think be the biggest relevant point. No, all she talks is his expiating and redeeming and paying back.

2. If he never killed her family and didn’t even know they would be killed (which wtf - the King clearly thinks he is capable of killing the woman he loves if the king asks, but will cavil at killing a random old man?) plus we never see his supposed atrocities, what does he need to atone for? Sure, he executed some people on orders of king but all we see are adult rebel types. And he was an epic jerk to her. But being a bad boyfriend and carrying commands of the king (and none of these commands are particularly depraved thanks to the censors) is run of the mill feudal lord behavior. I mean, the way the censors left things, he’s better than Feng Xi in Twisted Fate of Love who killed the heroine upon meeting her (and he didn’t know she was immortal and come back), whipped her (to free her from prison; at least none of Wolfie’s insanity included a whipping), and does a hell of shady stuff for noble vengeance reasons. But (rightly), there is no issue with Feng Xi because he has ok reasons for his actions, falls hard for DY, is willing to die for her etc. Feng Xi is certainly not being shipped to the mines and repenting like he’s been murdering babies. No should he be, I hasten to add, but in the modified narrative, neither should Wolfie! I mean his horror and repentance and hitting rock bottom and all that suffering become out of proportion to any of his wrongs (he is solidly middle of the pack as far as period cdrama heroes and bad stuff.) Like - unless they are all Quakers, he doesn’t have that much to repent for to that extent. “My father the king is a douche and I treated you badly” might be break up territory but it’s not REPENT SINNER one. (Same goes to everyone calling him a monster and him believing it and how hard it hits him just as it hits him hard when she insists he’s a human. Since he doesn’t turn into a literal physical monster any more nor has he even been shown to do horrific things other than some really veiled allusions, it makes me think all those other people calling him that are a bunch of hysterics.)

3. In this narrative, the Trio were the only ones who killed Daddy. Fine. But she has no interest in seeking revenge on the remaining two. None. 

And that brings me to the point that emotionally, the original narrative to me is so much stronger because there he (and Trio) killed her family but she can look past it because she realizes they were all tools of a monster who were brought up and gaslit and brainwashed and had basically no choice about any of it, and they genuinely cared for her. With respect to Wolfie, he was basically tortured into inhumanity but he still loved her so much and all of his actions where he was horrid to her were driven not by cruel enjoyment of her suffering or lack of feeling but by his love and need to protect her. And he literally tried to die to expiate. And I love that this is what matters to her - what was the deal breaker for her never was her family’s death because she understands even early on that none of them had a choice or even ability to fully consent and comprehend what they were doing. Her deal breaker was not that he (and the Trio) was damaged and was forced to do awful stuff, but that he enjoyed it, that he didn’t care, that his love was not genuine, that he didn’t have a loving loyal heart under all the damage. And honestly, that narrative is so much more powerful to me.