#this kinda drives me wild

[aroacenezhaanddainsleif]

honestly too tired to be coherent about this but i'm still thinking about Argenti and Velite

whether you read them as ship or not, there's something in Argenti being so stubbornly earnest and alive that he somehow inspires someone as cynical and "side character" as Velite to take the risk to quit his IPC job and become a pilot like he wanted. the fact that Velite's dream, supposed to manifest about something he wanted, was him piloting The One and Only to find Argenti. something in Velite just cursing Argenti out for being so stubborn about being willing to die for any noble cause, but willing to go with him because this big, beautiful, suicidal dumbass is the life and beauty he praises so much.

Argenti might be searching for the Beauty, but in the eyes of people like Velite, with his earnestness and drama and the one who finds everything beautiful, why doesn't Argenti understand that he IS the Beauty (the beauty of life)? more than Idrila could ever be at this moment?

Argenti being the beauty of life and inspiring someone like Velite to believe in it again and, hopefully, keep this idiot from sacrificing his beauty far too early.

[celestie0]

need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au need to write a hospital au

[turtlemurmurs]

love that elias feeds on fear and cake y'know, like any asexual

[corvidares]

okay, so i just finished re-reading Any Way the Wind Blows and this feels so blatant as to be smacking me in the face: simon is disabled.

now, the reason why that makes itself even clearer in this book than in wayward son (where he, of course, also has the wings + tail) is because simon is once again in the world of mages - despite doing his best to leave it behind. compared to wayward son, where hes basically and literally in the wild west. where theres magical beings everywhere, where simon practically fits in because he is one.

but ill get back to that.

ive seen a lot of really interesting points about what simon's wings represent and mean, and i'm not disagreeing with those. but in a very literal sense, they are a disability.

think about it like this: the world of mages (and Normals) is not built for humanoids who have giant webbed wings and a tail. simon constantly struggles with controlling these limbs, and their size makes it ten times harder. spaces are too small, furniture and objects are broken when he spreads them, and many a shirt or jacket are ruined.

he struggles to find a good way to deal with this - spell them away? wear them out by cutting holes in things? fold them extremely painfully into his shirt? even though this last one is treated like a solution for a little while, its far from ideal. who is simon doing this for? himself, or everyone around him? yes, of course Normals cant see them. and yeah, hes expressed discomfort about baz and penny spelling them hidden. but thats not the point. even with this botch job of a way to "wear" his wings, which succeeds at hiding them from Normals, simon still states a couple times that he knows people stare at him and his seeming hunchback. i mean, thats blatant.

(he eventually, with shepard's help, realizes a good way to work around this - zippers or buckles on shirtbacks - which very much feels like an aha! disability aid moment)

im not saying disability is based in how people look at you, or it only being a societal thing. (as in, when he wasnt in the world of mages, he wasnt suddenly 'not disabled at all') disability is a huge spectrum. but those things absolutely can be a part of the disabled experience.

but all of that doesnt even get to my main point: simon has no magic anymore. and in the world of mages, thats a huge deal. magic is like living and breathing, especially for baz and penny. its not something they question or have to worry about not being able to call upon. hell, even before simon lost his magic he was disabled, just to a different extent.

before awtwb, we dont hear much about mages whose magic is weak. but they come to the forefront now - which just solidifies that solid magical ability = able bodiedness.

smith is promising a miracle cure. a cure. think of it like bullshit orgs such as aut!sm spe@ks, wanting to "cure" autism - he wants to cure people. (and hes just as full of shit) why? because weak magic is seen as a disease, a problem, even subhuman.

take daphne, baz's stepmom. her quality of life is fine, great. her weaker magic doesnt seem to put her at a disadvantage. she manages her disability well. but in comparison to the norm, to what is expected of the average mage, shes got nothing. less than nothing. she feels shame over what she cant do.

smith's case becomes even more blatant when we see, at the end of awtwb, that he wants to essentially cull weak magicians. that they're holding back society. that theyre better off as powerless as Normals - who are blatantly seen as subhuman - than as weak mages. much like how ableist rhetoric puts forward that disability is a fate worse than death.

which brings us back to simon. he insists hes a Normal, now or always has been. baz insists hes the most powerful magician to exist. both of them are wrong.

and right. and right and wrong.

simon is some third thing - not a mage, not a Normal. akin to how disability is its own minority aside from race or ethnicity he has a foot in each world, and he always has. but now he cant achieve blending into either.

this is why the increasing presence and humanization of other magical beings beside mages is so important (thank you shephard!) how mages tend to seem magical beings is very ableist. theyre subhuman, theyre not to be trusted, theyre freaks, theyre dirty, etc. except oops, how can you keep thinking that penny, when this very nice one works at a cafe and helped you translate shephard's engagement terms?

even baz and the events of wayward son play into this - yeah, some vampires are horrible people. but plenty, like baz, are just people. with a range of experiences and morals and ways of living life. (take nicodemus) (i could make a point about how simon's stalwart acceptance of baz's vampirism helps baz comes to terms with it and how this is also super disability coded, but thats another essay)

in the beginning of awtwb, he decides to go to the extreme opposite of his chosen one powered life - to live as a Normal, and the second step (after cutting himself off from baz and penny) is getting his wings removed.

except he cant do it. and even having his wings touched is horribly uncomfortable. now, this partly has to do with how much theyre sensual parts of his body - same as his tail. but its also, separately, very intimate. theyre treated very clinically, like a fascinating specimen to pore over. im not trying to give niamh shit here, just saying what i saw.

but theyre part of him. people with disabilities often deal with being stared at and poked and prodded by the medical field (if theyre not ignored or waved off. maybe both.). even every day folks feel the right to touch disabled folks, or their mobility aids.

for a lot of people, mobility aids are a part of them - its like a stranger touching your face and thinking theyre doing you a favor. when instead theyre being weird as fuck.

simon's status as previous chosen one even plays into this sort of thing - people see him more as a figurehead, for what he can and cant do (including his wings!) than a person. hes a tragedy, hes a hero. hes inspirational, hes to be pitied. sound familiar?

the end of awtwb doesnt spell out whether simon ends up deciding to keep his wings (frustratingly). but they spell out that he would absolutely would, in my opinion.

simon increasingly treats them as a natural extension of his body. think of the scene where he flies about the watford goats. how he expresses his feelings with his wings and tail. and of course, how he learns to let baz loves each and every part of him: including his dragon limbs.

baz loves him, and loves them, not in a fetishistic way, but because its simon, and he loves everything simon is. not just what he represents or can or cant do.

[anastacialy]

y'know, i keep making a habit of swinging my bat at hornets nests, but i have to say i'm getting so, so tired of people complaining about shows not making perfect sense when they aren't even close to done. we're four episodes into this season of doctor who. we're four episodes into this season of bridgerton. and yet in both fandoms i keep seeing people whine that such and such didn't make sense or it wasn't explained all the way and by god you guys i think maybe explanations might come later in the season. this is something most viewers will recognize as being called a 'plot.'

[xxhatchetxx]

Thinks about how irkens are actually the pak and the body is basically just a vehicle

[rosicheeks]

I'm so FERAL over you fuck I wish I could tell you all of my thoughts 😵‍💫

I’m listening 👀

[creatediana]

"Just One of Those Things" - lyrics to a jazz standard by American songwriter Cole Porter (1891–1964), famously performed by artists such as Frank Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Blossom Dearie, et cetera.

[mars-ipan]

it’s weird being in recovery after like 2 months of sickness and looking forward to being able to do all the little things you used to take for granted again

[greenvertumna]

Actually Martin is driving me slowly batshit this season. First it’s “I think it’s great you use your powers for murdering monsters, Jon!” then it’s “but is it good we’re using your powers for murder?” Then it’s “I’m not enjoying the morals of this post-apocalyptic world Jon can’t you use your powers for good?” Then it’s “Kill this guy Jon!” Like putting aside all the supernatural and apocalyptic stuff, I’m getting the sense that Martin would be very annoying to roadtrip with.

[marxistgnome]

Ive been watching alot of enterprise recently and one of the things that strikes me, especially in the latter seasons is how focused it is on captain archers heroism. It seems like every other episode is concluded by him risking his life in a feat of daring do to save the day. It kinda has the effect of making him seem a bit more like an all american action hero rather than a starfleet captain who is a part of a cohesive crew. This is a little jarring, especially when compared with other star trek captains (who have their action hero life risking moments but they are 1 much more scarce and 2 have alot more justification beforehand) but I do think it works quite well character-wise. Archers relentless self sacrifice and die hard (the movie) approach to alot of situations really draws attention to the fact he is the first person to be the captain of the starships we know and love from other shows - and especially the fact that the role and code of behaviour of later captains has not by any means been established. It shows how he acts more on emotion than protocol because there are no protocols yet for how a captain should behave and it shows how he reacts to encountering dangerous and chaotic circumstances there are no precedence for - by putting his life on the line rather than risk anyone else, even to the point of irrationality. And this makes sense! In the tos/tng era we have things like the kobayashi maru and command simulations where you have to send a crew member into a life threatening situation, but enterprise didnt even expect to see heavy combat, they barely left space dock with weapons, there is no way archer was prepared to this extent and his actions show this. So yes, the heroism is very focus is very interesting character wise however narrative wise its fucking annoying. Making Archer the go to guy who has to jump on every grenade and has to take every bullet gets old pretty quick. For one thing it really takes the drama out of it because we know Archer will get out unscathed cos he did in every other virtual suicide attempt so far. And for another thing the self sacrifice stops feeling earned because its just a go to - and you can definitely maintain a balance between showcasing how archer is reckless with his own life and keep the emotional weight by not having it be such a frequent thing. But my main gripe is that this focus on archer saving the day absorbs so many other cool opportunities. like in immunity syndrome kirk had to choose to send spock or mccoy on a suicide mission - and also had to concede that he couldn't do it himself cos he also has similar self sacrificing herosim streak - and that could be something so cool to see on enterprise but the archer focus gets in teh way. ( i am now realising i am only midway thru season 4 so if this does happen at some point keep it to urself). And it gets in the way of so many chances to explore other characters. Travis Mayweather is criminally underutilised i want to see how he behaves in a life or death situation!!!! I already know how archer would cos ive seen it a bunch of times!!! And there are so many instances where it would have been more interesting if another character was in the grenade jumping position - like what if phlox had to test the cure for the klingon virus on hoshi instead that would have been so interesting to see cos of how close they are. I maintain that if like a 3rd or even a 5th of big captain archer hero moments had been devoted to exploring other characters or other options enterprise would be so much better. Truly society if

[bunnyb34r]

Facing my fear of movie theaters by going to the first showing of the day sgdggdgd

I think I'll be the only person there which would be awesome tbh

AND I dont have to break my streak of having seen every hunger games movie in theaters :D I'm excited man

[cozybearz]

i do suspect that my autism/anxiety is gonna make it significantly harder for me to drive. ive only gotten to practice a little bit but i am literally stressed and physically tense the entire time even on empty roads to the point that im sore after, and i overcorrect and i worry about either under reacting or overreacting to stimulus if i were actually around other drivers. everyone always goes on about how it gets easier with practice but i really feel like it might not be a good idea as much as i want the independence it would provide

[sheyshen]

before i went to the hospital today i decided to just afk out on vincent with a dance emote going (cause i always think that's cute when people do it) and right before i left someone whispered me asking if i'm married to gaius (vincent's last name is baelsar in game) and when i said yes they went "nice! i ship it! :D" and man did that make my day.

[pepprs]

i thiiiink my headache is finally gone. at least i desperately fucking hope so

[inkykeiji]

i need um, an audio file solely comprised of the noises alhaitham makes while climbing for, uh, reasons