#this isnt about heatwaves

[bekkahco]

Orphan your fics. Just orphan them. Don't delete them. Please.

[soiwatchthestars]

this heatwave is unbearable. it was 30° today and it's september this is halloween eve. it's the run up to christmas. why does the air feel like soup

[themanwhomadeamonster]

running the cold tap on the faucet and the water just became hotter

[heartsfromia]

critical inquiry — l. jihoon

pairing: non-idol! jihoon x reader

word count: 6,018

genre: fluff, workplace romance, reader isnt tech-savvy, jihoon kinda gives loser (endearing) energy

warnings: valorant (jk), profanities, proofreader? i hardly know her

author's notes: get me an IT guy like jihoon y'all, also idk i struggle when writing in mainly the guy's pov bro i cannot think like a man, can they be pathetic, yearning beings? idk bro

Lee Jihoon loved one thing about his job—working from home. With enough people in his team to cover tasks both from the office and at home, they're given the option to work either and Jihoon always picks home, time after time.

Until today, when Jihoon had received a message that his Work-From-Office buddy would be taking time off work for the next week because his grandfather fell ill, and he was asked to go back home for the time being.

“Only a week, Jihoon, and I swear you can go back to your PC set and slippers,” Wonwoo had reassured him, but it still wasn’t enough, “I’ll even help you rank up to Ascendant 3.”

So, that was how Jihoon found himself waking up at seven and taking public transportation to the office because his car was at his parent’s, and honestly, he wasn’t close with anyone to the point where he’d ask for a lift.

During the entire trip on his first day back to the office, he cursed the corporate slave routine. To think that before social distancing, that we would wake up at the crack of dawn to beat traffic or the commuter rush, go to a job that we’re not even sure we enjoy (spoiler: we don’t), and then have to go through that same rush and traffic when going home, only to sleep and reset the routine for the next day. As an IT support member, being in the office was the most useless and time-consuming thing. The Wi-Fi at his office is crap, the computers are old and laggy because the company doesn’t want to invest in better quality technology, and the team leaders are always breathing down your neck—but, hey, at least they compensate those that choose to come to the office.

One thing that Jihoon was grateful from the pandemic was the normalization of working from home. Having the option to attend the 10AM meeting, waking up at exactly 9:50 AM—clocking in—then joining the Zoom meeting without having to shower, change out of your pajamas, or even get out of the bed was something that was too good to be true. Alas, it happened, and he had been thriving and taking advantage of his Work From Anywhere policy in his company. Granted, he is only able to continuously work from home as long as there were two team members working from office, and luckily enough, that condition was met for the past six months

“This is new,” Hansol quipped when he spotted Jihoon signing at the entrance of the office. “Ah, Wonwoo is taking time off, right?”

“Yeah,” Jihoon muttered, most of his face hidden under a mask and cap, with his eyes peeking through the lenses of his glasses. “Do you think there’s coffee in the kitchen?”

“Obviously,” Hansol chuckles, finding the question obsurd. Can you blame Jihoon? The ceiling in the entrance of the building is almost falling apart from mold forming because of rain, and their computer to clock in was an old ASUS model from 2014 that can only function on a LAN cable—which is why its only purpose in this marketing agency was for signing in.

Sometimes Jihoon even wonders how the company can last for the past decade with its cheap ways.

He made his way to the second floor where the pantry, and overall kitchen was placed, making himself a cup of coffee before climbing the next step of stairs to the IT room—the main base for programmers and the support team. Another thing he hated about working from the office was the fact that the AC in his office just never seems to function. It’s the middle of summer, the city is going through a massive heatwave, and here, in his company placed in the smack middle of the city, they have a policy to not let the AC go anywhere under 23°C.

At least, when he is in the comforts of his own home, he can have the AC go as low as it can get, all while still in his pajamas, and could even multitask with Valorant opened in another tab.

“Oh, Jihoon, you’re switching with Wonwoo, right?” Jeonghan asked, turning in his chair and pushing his glasses up above his head.

“Yeah, I am, where does he usually sit?” Jeonghan taps the desk on his left, and watched as Jihoon got settled, a glint in his eyes that the younger one spotted. “What?”

“Did Wonwoo tell you anything?”

“Other than keeping my Google chat opened, nothing really,” he responded.

“You’ll be handling his division, too, right?” Jihoon nodded. “The Marketing team.” Rather than a question, Jeonghan confirmed the division, and once again, Jihoon nodded. A crease formed between his eyebrows, unsure of what his senior was referring to, and the latter noticed, chuckling at his puzzled expression. “You’ll see.”

It’s too early to understand what he means. Usually, he’d still be asleep right now if he were at home, especially since there aren’t any meetings he needs to attend today, he could’ve slept until three minutes before he required to clock in. He wasn’t use to having to be on work-mode even with ten minutes before his shift officially starts.

God, I miss working from home.

The first few hours into the shift was tedious. Since the company is a small PR agency, as a member of the in-house IT team, he’s required to wear multiple hats and take on various tasks. Unfortunately, since he is replacing Wonwoo for the time being, he’ll be taking on the task of Website management and ensuring that the Marketing team didn’t have any issues, as well as any technical issues the team might face, which is inevitable as their equipment is, as mentioned, crap quality. Every day Jihoon wonders why he claims to resign from the place but never does.

“Let’s grab lunch across the street,” Jeonghan invited Jihoon once the clock had struck twelve, signaling lunch time for all employees. Jihoon was about to agree and turn his computer to sleep mode when a ding! notified a message had come in. He rose a hand, indicating for his senior to wait a moment as he checked the message. He hadn’t received any complaints during the first half of the day from the team he was in charge of so this was a bit unusually for him.

It was a message from you.

Y/N: Afternoon, Jihoon. This is Y/N, and I’m new from Saerom’s team. Y/N: I was told by Wonwoo that he’s currently on PTA, and to message you instead. I have an issue with my Google Analytics account, I’m currently logged out and usually Wonwoo helps me with that because I haven’t been given my password (it’s been two weeks I’ve started 😅). Y/N: Can you help me with this?

“Who’s that?” Jeonghan ducked down, looking over Jihoon’s shoulder as he read the message, then a chuckle left his lips. “Ah… it’s Y/N, she’s a new, and struggles with a lot of the tech things—you’ll be meeting with her a lot.”

“She’s bad with tech and chose to be a social media specialist?”

“Ironic, huh?” Jeonghan laughs. “But she means well, even though she sucks with tech, she has good ideas and already has a viral TikTok video for one of our clients.”

“And she says she hasn’t been given her passwords? Aren’t we supposed to give it to them when they start?”

“Yeah, but usually they don’t ever log out, only she has that case,” he explains, the corner of his mouth lifting before he pats his junior’s shoulder reassuringly. “Just head on over there and help her, it doesn’t take more than ten minutes.”

Jihoon heaved a sigh, reluctant to help because of how tedious and unnecessary and easily avoidable this problem would’ve been if she’d had her hands on her account passwords.

Jihoon: Lee Saerom’s team? Y/N: Yes Jihoon: Alright, wait a minute Jihoon: On my way

“Are you dining in or taking away?” Jihoon asked Jeonghan, while he wrote down the password for your account on a sticky note.

“Dining in.”

“I’ll meet you there then.” With that, Jihoon tossed his cap off and trudged down to the second floor where Saerom’s team should be located. Since it was lunch time, most of the office space was empty, with only the office boy who was busy sweeping the floors from the aftermath of earlier today. He found the main room for the Marketing team fairly quickly, and didn’t have to look far for you as you were the only one in the room, seated in front of your computer, shoulders stiff and hands placed on your lap as if you were starting your first day.

Immediately upon hearing the creaking of the door, your eyes met above the desks and monitors, and for a brief second, Jihoon paused—almost shell-shocked as to finding someone like you working in a rundown company such as this.

“Y/N?” Jihoon called out, just making sure despite the obvious newbie aura that wafted around you.

“Yes… Are you Jihoon? The one covering for Wonwoo?” He nodded, and you were almost sure he’d say something to follow up to prevent an air of awkward silence from appearing between the two of you. He did not. Instead, he barely uttered anything as he approached your desk. You didn’t hesitate to push away with your chair to let him take the reigns and input your account. How you were able to stay logged out of the account and not have said anything earlier was unbeknown to him. You had been finishing up last week’s reports, but had only moved on to Google Analytics just twenty minutes ago. You’d usually have your account still logged in, always clicking the Remember me, however, to your surprise, you were logged out.

“This is your password.” Jihoon handed you the sticky note. “If you need any more help, you can just message me—Wonwoo is on leave for the next week.”

“A-alright.” Maybe it was the way he carried himself that intimidated you. Or the fact that he never made any attempt at small talk, thus, a tense and awkward air floated in the space between you two. Maybe it was his tone, lacking the usually bounce you’d usually hear from Wonwoo as he explained the mechanics of Hootsuite.

It is definitely his aura, it’s ice cold, you couldn’t help but think and maybe when he wasn’t looking, you’d shiver. “Thank you,” you uttered, and with a stiff smile, he nodded and left the room without anything further, leaving you to finish the last half of your report alone.

If you need any more help, you can just message me.

And that’s how it started, a back and forth of at least twice a day since that first exchange between you and Jihoon. At first, you had to introduce yourself again, despite the fact you were using Google Chats and your name was clearly displayed. After a brief introduction, you explained the problem at hand, then after a minute or two came Jihoon’s go-to reply.

Alright, wait a minute.

On my way.

The first couple of times, you almost thought it was an automated response he had somehow coded every time someone messaged him. Maybe he had set it so that after a couple of messages from the sender, it would trigger the short response from his end, however, you learnt that it was just purely him when your own messages grew shorter and shorter.

So, short to the point that this was your most recent exchange:

Y/N: Jihoon :( Jihoon: On my way

Thus, it became almost a routine for the two of you. Jihoon didn’t have any complaints, despite Jeonghan’s claims that the junior would usually complain from having to go back and forth, ascending and descending the same set of stairs more times than he should be. “Aren’t you tired?” Jeonghan had asked on Thursday after Jihoon had returned from helping you with the extension cord for the presentation you had scheduled the afternoon.

Jihoon merely shrugged. “I barely get to exercise with coming in.” Of course, as Jeonghan has been working with Jihoon since he started, he could tell the guy was bluffing, hiding whatever his true intention was behind his nonchalant facade, but he never said anything. Sooner or later the truth will come to light.

Jeonghan wasn’t the only that could tell that was a different air hanging around the avid-WFH-over-WFO tech employee, and whatever gossip that surrounded him managed to reach the ears of the guy he was covering for as the two got into a game of Valorant Thursday evening. As the two waited for a match to be found, Wonwoo informed him that his grandfather was feeling better and could be released from the hospital by Saturday morning.

“Oh, that’s good to hear, glad he’s doing alright,” Jihoon offered, although a bit half-hearted as he was eating his dinner by his desk at the same time.

“Yeah, and by Monday you can return to your world of working from anywhere,” Wonwoo said, a deep chuckle echoing on his end. “And by anywhere, I mean, literally just your room.”

“Nah, it’s fine, I can come in to the office next week,” Jihoon replied without thinking twice, then realized what he said and added, “you can make sure your granddad’s fine.” He internally sighed, believing he made a good save. However, a dead silence hung in the Discord call, even after the loud ‘Match found’ reverberated, breaking the silence for a second.

“What did you say?”

“What?” Jihoon tried to play dumb, then added, “I’m playing Gekko,” to change the subject.

“Did you just say you’re willing to leave the comforts of your own home to work from office?” Wonwoo asked again, clearly twisting Jihoon’s words causing him to roll his eyes. His colleague then added, in a faux tone of panic, “The end of the world is nearing, isn’t it?”

“Shut up and pick your damn agent.”

“Are you even Jihoon right now?”

Jihoon defended himself, “I can want to work from office from time-to-time, you know?” Wonwoo was exaggerating, wanting to work from office is tiring, but nothing is more boring than working alone with only a dumb FPS game there to entertain you every time you’re free. Admittedly, he found working while being surrounded with other people was enjoyable—he wasn’t a social butterfly, didn’t make an effort to start a conversation by the coffee machine either, but it was… nice being around others every now and then. Humans are meant to be social creatures, after all.

“You have been working from home ever since probation had ended, which was literally two years ago, Jihoon,” Wonwoo reiterated, “you have been working from home since.”

“That’s not true.” He frowned, the comment caught him off guard and he almost started the round with buying any abilities. “I worked three days last October.”

“Which was, what? Nine month ago?” He couldn’t rebuttal that. It’s common knowledge among his peers that he despises working from office—Jihoon knows that, too. It’s just that this week has changed his mind. People can change their mind. “I have to bribe you with Valorant just so you come to company dinners, and now you want to willingly cover me for another week? For free?”

An irritated groan shook his chest as his character died on screen. “Damn it—” He pushed to talk, “90 on Reyna.” He fell back into his chair with a sigh, annoyed that Wonwoo was ruining his focus on the game—it was supposed to be his rank up to Ascendant 3. “Okay, and what’s your point?”

Jihoon swears he could hear the guy smirk. “I know.”

“You’re being annoying, you’re distracting me.”

Wonwoo paid no mind to his complaints, hitting clean headshots on the enemy but the spike detonated causing them to lose the round. Despite that, Wonwoo kept his cool as he continued to taunt his colleague. “Vernon told me about your round trips to and from the Marketing team.” He was definitely grinning now. "The problem is, I know Saerom’s team don’t usually need any help from IT support—at least, not to the point to where you need to go there twice a day.”

Jihoon cursed under his breath as he, once again, misses his utility and gets killed barely ten seconds into the round. This time he doesn’t even bother to communicate with his team, in fear of his voice shaking in anticipation of Wonwoo’s suspicions. “Except for one person,” his peer begins, letting the silence drag between the two as he focused on the game, getting three kills in a row, winning the round for them. Then Wonwoo asks, Jihoon picturing a shit-eating grin on his damned face. “Y/N’s cute, isn’t she?”

“I’m forfeiting.” Jihoon presses slash then F, to which it was denied, their teammates sending in question marks in response. Wonwoo’s burst out laughing at Jihoon’s ‘missclicked sorry’ reply. “Focus on the game—if I derank, it’s on you.”

Wonwoo’s laughter only grew louder, letting himself have the last word. “Jihoon enjoying working from office wasn’t on my 2024 bingo.”

Neither was it on Jihoon’s because he never enjoys working from office. Whatever friendly and social air that was present the previous week wasn’t present now as he finds himself at the wrath of the Operation’s team manager.

“I was on a call with Miyoung and she told me she couldn’t access their website, Jihoon,” Eunkwang scolded, his greying brows forming deep crevices disguised as wrinkles between his eyebrows and across the length of his forehead. “You’re supposed to be on top of this—she couldn’t access it the whole weekend, Jihoon, what happened? We’ve never faced this problem before.” Yes they have, Jihoon recalled, it happens when you run an agency that barely gathers clients and doesn’t really care enough to provide quality platform options, either, but of course Eunkwang says the same argument. Talk about selective amnesia.

“I don’t care how long it takes for you to fix it—” Might take half an hour, could’ve dealt with it within the time you’re yelling at me but I’ll shut up, Jihoon bitterly thought but kept his lips pressed in a tight line. “I want it done until Miyoung calls to confirm.”

Once he was sure the old man was done projecting his anger, Jihoon bowed his head, uttering, “Understood.” He turned his body to climb up the stairs to the third floor, grumbling to himself how this wouldn’t have happened if he worked at home because he wouldn’t be tired from commuting and socializing during the weekends and could monitor the websites every now and then. Unfortunately, that wasn’t the case because he was tired, and he is still tired, he hates working in the office, he doesn’t even know why he agree to go for another week, he could’ve been at home and in a Valorant Swiftplay by now—

“Jihoon?” He turned to find you, standing by the door of your team’s room, a timid look on your face. Something had happened, he could see it written all over your soft features as you eyed him wordlessly. Without saying anything, he followed you towards your desk, where you idly by your computer with pursed lips and furrowed brows.

The dreaded blue screen. It had only reached 15% and didn’t seem to budge even after three minutes of watching it.

“For God’s sake,” Jihoon cursed under his breath, however, it was loud enough for you to hear it and the unusual sharpness in his tone caused you to jump slightly, your heart beginning to race in your chest as his face contorted into frustration. “How did you manage to get stuck like this?”

“I-I don’t know.” God, you hated it when you started stuttering. It always made you look stupid and helpless. You inhaled a quick breath, hoping it would help calm the nerves that seemed to climb the more you avoided his intense gaze. “I was coming back from my break and turned it on, and it did this… I didn’t do anything, I swear…” If your lack of technological capabilities looked pitiful to Jihoon, your inability of forming a coherent and sensible answer was the cherry on top. “I’m really sorry.”

Upon seeing her stricken face, Jihoon inhaled a deep breath, letting his tensed shoulders fall. “No, Y/N, I should be sorry. I’m taking my anger out on you, you just needed help.” He glances back at your monitor, heaving another sigh. “Just leave it, it should be able to restart on its own, but if it doesn’t, just tell me.”

“Alright…” Would it be even more pathetic to say you were fighting away tears? You had to turn your head a bit, angling away from Jihoon so your hair fell to cover your face enough for him to not notice your obvious internal battle with letting your emotions take over. “I’m really sorry I keep bothering you with not being tech-savvy.”

An ache thumped in his chest hearing your apology, sounding defeated. “It’s fine, Y/N,” he tried to reassure you, but he knew damn well the damaged was done and whatever unspoken agreement to two of you had, had gone. Jihoon knew he was terrible with people, but he really messed up with ruining it with you—the one person that made coming into work, commuting back and forth, and facing nagging higher-ups, the least bit bearable.

It didn’t seem to register in him how bad the damage was until he got through the day without any messages from you. Even Jeonghan was surprised as the day was coming to a close. “Y/N didn’t come in?”

“She did,” Jihoon mumbled.

“And she didn’t need any help?” He only shrugged, trying to hide his own bewilderment. Did his words strike you that much? He decided to message you, just in case you were reluctant to ask him for help.

Jihoon: Y/N Jihoon: Everything alright?

He waited on the edge of his seat, his heart skipping a beat when you began typing back.

Y/N: Yes, everything’s fine ^__^

Everything was, in fact, not fine.

Not only did your computer take almost an hour to restart after the dreaded blue screen, whatever the computer had gone through during said hour had your accounts logged out, and you, being clumsy, misplaced the sticky note that Jihoon gave you, forcing you to borrow someone else’s computer to pull up the Instagram analytics. Fortunately, most of your inputted data was still available from before your break, it was still a hassle to transfer the data from your colleague’s computer to your own, and because, once again, you are tech-savvy, you didn’t know any shortcut. You had to turn to Google, open up YouTube tutorials on Excel shortcuts, consuming almost an hour of your day trying to learn everything from scratch.

But you promised yourself you wouldn’t bother him with any measly problems if Google already had a solution.

Even it meant running into the risk of never seeing him again.

Two days had passed. It was Wednesday and Jihoon was ready to pack up and head back to his old life of working from the comforts of his bedroom. Two days without his favourite snacks. Two days without his functioning PC that he paid hundreds, probably thousands of dollars to build. Two days without his fast Wi-Fi that was optimal for a quick ranked game.

And two days without the usual ping of his Google Chat, the room with you now collecting dust as the last message exchanged was his check-in on Monday.

Now Wednesday’s work day comes to an end without your plea for technological aid. You’re genuinely the only thing in this bleak, rundown, cheap company that makes the work worthwhile, Jihoon couldn’t help but think to himself on the train back home.

Was it pathetic of him to think of you as a reason to wake up in the morning, fight the morning rush and sit through eight hours of blank staring at a computer screen if it means he can get a glimpse of you every now and then when he goes down to get another fix of shitty coffee? The two of you only officially met last week after all, and yet, he has grown drawn to you, attached even, finding the brief sight of you as you sat by your desk, an ever-so-present clueless look to your face as you try to remember how to VLOOKUP the third time. He finds endearing, so endearing that his heart aches and his days grow grey when he hasn’t seen you yet.

Has he always been one to fall so quick for someone?

Would it be even more pathetic for him to fear that feeling? Mind you, he has never left the house unless bribed to, social interactions were scarce aside from the call outs to teammates in his ranked games, and even then, he never bothered to make small talk with the people he’d temporarily need to rank up. Was he a bit too deprived of social interactions that meeting you overwhelmed him to the point of creating a false sense of falling in l—

“Wonwoo, when are you coming back?” This time the two weren’t in a game of Valorant. Thank God, Wonwoo had thought when Jihoon asked to get on a Discord call. The latter had dinner prepared and was watching Big Bang Theory while on the call, but his head wasn’t focused on neither the ramen nor the TV show. “Can we switch back soon?”

“What happened to your willingness to go to the office?” Again, that damned smirk was noticeable in the way he spoke, but Jihoon needed to keep his cool.

“Changed my mind.”

“How come?”

“Sick and tired of being in the direct line of shot for Eunkwang’s spit when he yells at me,” he half-lied. He had to wash his face after that meeting, to the point he used the strawberry-scented hand soap to make sure he couldn’t feel the droplets on his skin.

“Oh yeah, Jeonghan told me.” A pause. “Sorry that happened to you, but it’s just Eunkwang, his ammunition is making you work overtime every now and then.”

“I just don’t want to deal with him every now and then, much rather read him yell in the group chats than in real life.”

There was a longer pause now, Jihoon’s eyes glanced at his second monitor just to make sure his friend didn’t disconnect. Then, Wonwoo spoke up, tone matter-of-factly and the shit-eating grin heard clearly. “Vernon tells me you haven’t been to the Marketing room in a bit.”

“Vernon you piece of shit snitch,” Jihoon cursed under his breath, but obviously his microphone caught it, Wonwoo throwing his head back in laughter.

“I’m guessing the Tech-Illiterate hasn’t been asking for your help?”

“Y/N,” Jihoon corrected, not liking the term used—even if it did fit you.

“Hey, there are a lot of tech-illiterate people in our company,” Wonwoo pointed out, then added, “so I guess you admit it then, you’re thinking of her.”

His eyes roll far back, he gets a mild ache in his temples. “Fine yeah,” he admits with a defeated sigh, “she doesn’t need any more help from me so why should I even bother to go to the office?”

“For work, Jihoon,” he says casually. “I mean, you get compensation to come to work. Extra money.”

“I’m already rich enough,” he responds, clearly dodging.

“Then why work?”

“I’m bored.”

“You piss me off.” Wonwoo’s comment successfully makes Jihoon chuckle. “I hope Y/N becomes so tech-savvy that she doesn’t need your help anymore, and you will never see her again.”

“Asshole,” he hisses and disconnects from the call immediately, Wonwoo’s words pushed to the back of his head as he finished his ramen and closed the TV show, opening Valorant for a quick game to relieve the stress built up for the day.

Unfortunately, once he laid on his bed, eyes stuck on the ceiling, his peers’ words returned tenfold, echoing a sickening mantra in his head. What if you do end up learning how to do your job with little to no help, technology-wise? It’s hard for the guy to admit (and a tad bit dramatic), but he truly did feel like his entire being has lighten since meeting you.

Maybe he is deprived of social interaction, and you were the fix he needed, but didn’t want it to be temporary. He wanted to know everything about you, the reason why you struggle with technology and remembering passwords and working different Google suites. He wanted to know why you chose this line of work, why this shitty company, and why hadn’t he met you before.

He wanted to know more about you, and he doesn’t want to ruin the chances of being able to do so.

Although it might be pathetic of him to feel so strongly over someone he only met the previous week, he knew this would be a missed opportunity to not get to know you better, that it would become his biggest regret and he didn’t want his leaving the comforts of his WFA routine be for nothing.

So, he had a plan. A bit of a cheesy, cliché of a plan, but a plan and he lost sleep wondering if it’ll work or not.

As he entered the office, his mind kept replaying what he needed to do. It was simple, he just needed to wait for you to reach out to him, ask for help with an issue and it should be smooth-sailing from there, all depends on your answer, of course, but that was something he could worry about later.

Phase one starts with you and your uncooperative computer.

Jihoon waited, eyes glancing between tabs where his Google Chat was opened, looking at the bottom right corner of his computer at the time, watching the time tick by and still no ping from you. But that was okay, it was only two hours into this gloomy Thursday, there was still a whole seven hours before he could truly panic.

So he waited more.

And more.

And more.

He waited until he couldn’t wait, and time was running out. Eyes shifted towards the clock: 16.39.

Less than thirty minutes until the work day, and tomorrow is Friday, and he needed to get this done today because if he didn’t then, it’ll mess up his plan for tomorrow (which depends on your answer, too, if you say ‘yes’ then there’s another plan for that, but if you say ‘no’ then Wonwoo was already back in the city so he could cover for Jihoon while the latter wallows).

“Fuck it,” Jihoon mutters as he pushes himself up out of his chair, causing everyone else in the room jumps and turns to his desk, only to see him already out the door and rushing down the stairs.

“Go get her, man,” Jeonghan utters, loud enough for everyone to chime along with him.

With long strides and quick steps down to your floor, everyone Jihoon seemed to past knew he was a man on a mission—a man on a mission for you. He tries to ignore the mild chills that rose up his spine at that thought. He might be pathetic sometimes, but he likes to believe he can be quite the cheesy romantic, despite what his friends might say.

As expected, since it had been a slow day, a lot of staff had clocked out early, their jobs for the day done and all ready to end the work week. However, you were still by your desk, focused on the task at hand, only two of your coworkers in the room with you, but even they were mindlessly playing with their Excel sheets, waiting for the clock to strike five.

When he stood close enough to you, he saw that you weren’t focused on a task, instead on a game of Minesweepers. He watched you win a game, pursing his lips and nodding, visibly impressed. Sensing a present, you turned around and jumped slightly. “Jihoon… Hi.”

“Hey, Y/N,” he greets back with a stiff smile. “Is everything alright?”

A brief look of confusion passed your face, glancing between him and your computer, before nodding, “Yeah, everything’s fine.” And it was. You got through your day just fine, nothing needed to be troubleshooted, or restarted. You didn’t panic, other than when you forget to send a file to Saerom, but everything—technology-wise—was fine.

“Really? I got a notification on my computer that there was something wrong with yours,” Jihoon lied through his teeth. He didn’t, but he needed you away from your computer so he has ample time to put his plan in motion. His statement caused your brows to furrow together, genuinely confused because you didn’t receive any notification from your own computer, shouldn’t that be the case? Unless you did, and you didn’t noticed because you were too focused on your Minesweeper game.

“Oh…”

“Yeah…” Jihoon rubbed a nonexistent itch at the back of his neck. “Are you done with your work? It might take a bit for me to check it.”

“Oh yeah, I’m done for the day,” you said, then to the clock above the door. “I didn’t realize it was almost five.”

If you could hear anything right now, it would be the pounding beat of his heart against his chest as he tries to formulate an excuse to get you off the computer. “It won’t take more than ten minutes, though, Y/N.”

“Alright, I’m just going to fill my water bottle and clean up while you deal with it.” With a stern nod, Jihoon watched as you stood and walked out the room. Once outside, he took his spot and started his plan.

Recalling the steps he saw on Google, opening Notepad as he pulled out the sticky note where he wrote the code beforehand, typing it in and inserting the necessary message. Once he had saved it, he tested it once, and almost yelled out in triumph when it worked, displaying a fake error message.

“What’s the problem, Jihoon?” You approached him, bottle filled to the top with water. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, you just…” He stood from his chair, gesturing for you to sit. He leaned down, keeping one hand on the back of your chair as the other guided you. “You just need to click that, it’s to install a… an update… Yeah, an update.”

“This one? The ‘Critical Inquiry’ one?” Jihoon hummed in response and watched with sweaty hands and a racing heart as you clicked it, an error message popping up on your screen.

Is this how IT guys flirt? The blood in your face travelled the distance to your cheeks, a bright pink beneath the glow of your skin as you tried suppressing your smile, Jihoon’s way of asking you out so unconventional, so out of the blue, so unique, that you couldn’t help but mentally applaud him, this was a new way you’d been asked out.

“What’s your option?” Jihoon asked, his voice so clearly on edge as he anticipated your answer, for a second even worried you’d decline then he’d be forced to return to his hermit habits and hide his embarrassment.

All that tension, no matter how hard he tried to hide it behind a nonchalant façade, was visible to you and gosh, he is so cute.

You sent him a smile, turning back to your computer wordlessly, letting your choice speak. Your cursor hovered towards the options, for a second too long it hovered over ‘No’, Jihoon’s breath hitching in his throat before his heart skipped a beat as the cursor moved and you clicked your mouse right on ‘Yes’.

The two of you stared at each other, a warmth in your eyes, and brightness in his, sharing a knowing smile before he uttered with the confidence he mustered between the panic.

“I’ll pick up at eight then, Y/N.”

[gibbearish]

im adding my tags here so i can respond to prev's

mine:

#id always assumed it was yknow just a mix of things #and like nuance disclaimers thats still true yada yada thats not the point rn #but im thinking now that its more about. the weight #you have to be perfect. you have to be the ideal. you have to carry yourself perfectly and embody every principle youre trying to teach #you are responsible for other peoples ability to be happy‚ not just in how your action effect them here and now but #in what ripple effects any and everything you say could have #you are the authority figure‚ other people will listen to what you say‚ you can change the course of their entire lives #of course that would weigh on a person. how couldnt it #and how could you ever turn it off #how could you ever let yourself just be a person‚ messy and imperfect‚ when you know so intimately the ramifications of things like that? #and yet how couldnt you when you know that no one can be 'on' like that all the time? #do therapists actually go to therapy? or do they go to a support group in everything but name? surely the person #theyre talking too feels the same pressure‚ if not moreso #a part of me wonders how much it can really help‚ then‚ preaching to the choir. but a bigger part of me knows better #knows that the only difference between the choir and the rest of the congregation is the willingness to sing in front of others #either way‚ your audience already knows and agrees. its just a question of which direction youre facing

and prevs:

#I think this pressure exists in many careers #The truth is that we are each a node in a network #And have tremendous power to influence other nodes #So in for example #Tech support #People come to you when they need help and trust your word as the expert #They change their plans #Reorganize their day #Alter processes #Based on your recommendation #And sloppy work can have ripple effects through out a whole company #Destroy a website #Lose data #All kinds of things that are so important and so fragile #And other people trusting you to be kind and do what's right and have their best interests at heart #How important to be loving as a banker #As a chef #As a teacher

i wanted to respond to these because while i feel like this is kinda getting what i was going for, it's missing the big main point. because like, yes, we should be kind bc we never know who it could effect. but like. an IT expert is an expert in IT, and thats all you expect from them. and yes, things can ripple effect, all actions have consequences, but itll still probably stay within that sphere. a banker is an expert in banking, a chef is an expert in cooking, a teacher is an expert in teaching but each of those are for a specific subject. whereas a therapists job is to teach people, like. the "right" way to exist. How To Be Happy. if a banker is an expert in banking, a therapist is supposed to be an expert in... existing correctly. if your IT technician gives you bad information, you might break the thing youre trying to fix. but if the thing youre trying to fix is your Entire Life, that is. an entirely different set of expectations.

a broken appliance can be replaced. a dead patient cannot. and even without those stakes, you can still fundamentally alter the way a person views the world around them because They Will Trust That You Know The Best Way To View The World Because You Are A Therapist And That Is Your Job. your banker can have an influence on your worldview, of course, but you dont go to them for the purpose of changing your life, you don't go into it EXPECTING them to fix you. and if they give you bad life advice, oh well, theyre a banker, its not their job to be right about those things.

your job as a banker is to bank. your job as a therapist is to teach people how to live their lives altogether. those specific expectations are what i was talking about here, not just the general potential to influence the lives of those around you. those specific expectations, and the knowledge that if you tried to discuss it with anyone outside of your group, the reaction would be... well, would be this. would be "oh yeah, we all go through that actually." and knowing that its not intended to be dismissive, knowing its intended as an attempt at connection over shared hardships, and THAT knowledge making it hurt all the more because those layers of knowing are exactly what makes it hurt in the first place. what makes it so heavy.

you expect a banker to be good at banking. if they do other things inefficiently or react poorly to something, you understand, because thats not their job. but a therapists job is life itself. thats what i meant by "how could you ever turn it off," is that if the people around you know that your job is teaching people how to handle life's problems well, then you. can never handle anything less than perfect ever again, because how could you expect yourself to be an authority figure when you cant even live up to your own standards? how can you not live in fear of "arent you supposed to know better? this is like, your whole job isnt it?" at the slightest misstep? how can you allow yourself to let go and lower your standards, be off the clock, when the whole point of your job is teaching people to be more aware of the world around them and their influence on it? how can you let yourself exist and make mistakes when every single day you so closely work with and witness the aftermath of things like that? how could you not be constantly on edge trying to micromanage the ripples you do send out?

im not saying other positions cant have wide influence. what i am saying, though, is that when a position has such intense influence built into its core purpose, that is going to have a very specific effect on a person that a less personal/powerful influence would not.

an IT guy can fix your computer. a computer has instructions and build specifications and standardization and backups and a specific way it is meant to run. people don't. and that looks, to me, like a different weight entirely. losing data, losing a day of processing, losing a whole company, these are all heavy things, but they are tangible things, replacable things, THINGS. the weight of a person's psyche, though, their whole entire self, right there in the palm of your hand? the way they view the world around them, the way they view themselves? what could be heavier than that?

its occuring to me what specifically it is that therapists go to therapy for

[dwntwn-strnlo]

Matt is so bf. Imagine him sneaking in to ur room at night to make out. I have super strict parents so this is like the best thing anyone could do for me. If you’ve seen never have I ever u would know the scene where Paxton climbs through devis window with heatwaves playing in the background. Feel free to ignore this ask if you are 2 busy to write. Love you pookie 🙌😘

heat waves. [m.st.]

── ⟡˙ ̟ matthew sturniolo x !reader

↳ synopsis. — request!

↳ a/n. — strict parents thing is so real

↳ requested? — yes

↳ cw. — neck kisses, depictions of hickeys

it was a simple rule. 'no boys in the house after dark.'

and usually, you'd listen to that rule. whatever, you can see him the next day. but, if hes just gonna show up without warning, who would you be to shut that down?

so sitting up, you find matts head peaking over the window sill, attempting to climb the ivy wall. hooking his worn out shoes in the diamond shaped loops, trickling with various flowers and vines. your already open window welcomes the late night breeze as it gently waves your gray curtains in and out of your bedroom.

he peaks around, looking for anyone that isnt you. so when he finds no one else, he pushes himself up more. placing his hands on the sill, using his arms to put his upper body in your view.

"matt?" you whisper, having no idea if your parents are awake, and no intention to find out.

his gentle eyes lock with yours, and he sends you a glistening smile. his presence quickly lighting up the room, even if hes still technically outside.

"what are you doing here?" you laugh lightly, getting up out of the soft embodiment of your warm bed. the cool air gently hitting your skin as you walk to the window.

"i missed you." he whispers.

you lean down closer to him, "you saw me at lunch today." you giggle.

"thats like, i dont know- seven hours. which is way too long, darling." he fake pouts, staring longingly into your eyes.

amusedly rolling your eyes, you lean down to press a quick kiss to his lips, before latching onto his arms and helping matt into your room. hes quick to grip his hands onto the sharp bones of your hips once hes safe and on solid ground. pulling you into a long awaited kiss.

you giggle gently into the kiss, slightly pulling away from the boy. but still close enough that his warm breath dances delicately against your skin. "seriously, you act like its been months."

"watch it," he arrogantly teases, leaning back in for another dangerously and annoyingly slow kiss.

you wrap your hands behind his neck, pulling him closer, as if it was physically possible. the muffled hum that surpasses his lips into yours sends an immediate chill down your spine. letting out your own sigh, he too pulls you in closer.

matts hands mindlessly tug at the hem of your shirt as a welcome heat rises in your chest.

dropping your head back, matt leaves your lips to trail lazy open-mouth kisses down your throat.

once he pulls back, the chilly air hits your skin. sighing, you lift your head back up to look at matt. he giggles, smiling at you. "you have a little something, right about here." he says, gesturing to the tiny marks on your throat.

you roll your eyes with a small laugh, "alright kid."

TAGLIST

@slvt444smvt @thetriplets3 @theboyz-delulu @stxrniqlo @ifilwtmfc @iha8you @oneirophobic

[transingsomeformers]

something thats been eating at my mind to write/draw but if my boy hotrod/rodimus guest appeared in rescue bots this is whats been swimming around in my brain a while rambles down below

he wouldnt be like the main main focus hed be a guest star ofc

a new bot shows up on the island in vehicle form at first, but thats not really subtle cause hes a racecar and everybody is like "whats a racecar doing by this lake?" one that nobody super recognizes at first glance except fr salvage and blurr.

and blurr starts getting ecstatic when the bot transforms and its hot rod! (studio applause) and while blurr is going a lil nuts with excitement salvage fills them in that hes an old racer from velocitron and blurr is all like

"dude, hes not just 'an old racer' hes one of the greatest racers velocitron has ever seen!!!" and he starts infodumping abt him and in the back of his mind heatwave is like "greaaat another bot who doesnt think before he acts we gotta deal with" so they all go and approach him to find out what hes doing there

and blurr is really excited cause he thinks hot rod is so freaking cool and they can race and he can show hot rod his moves but hes not there on any kind of autobot business or even for racing much to everyones surprise.

hes only there to go fishing.

hes on vacation and been really excited for his fishing trip that hes been planning especially on a bot friendly island and by god hes looking to catch himself a real prize to brag about to the boys back home.

chief burns perks up at this, and its about time for the burn's annual fishing trip so they kinda end up combining the two trips. hot rods down for any good spots, and the others (mainly heatwave) wanna keep an eye on him

so the next day they all get ready and they go on the burn's trip first and are out to sea.

Salvage wants to try out something hes been working on around their spot and he stays on shore

Blurr is disappointed that hotrod isnt there to race but hes not passing up an opportunity to hang out with hot rod so he offers to go out with them on the water even tho he couldnt care less about fish. and maybe he can talk him into a small match later. Salvage kinda warns him not to get his hopes up, and that maybe he should take time to talk about other things with him. (blurr kind of blows him off tho which ruuuuuude!!! be nice!!!)

They get out on the water and everyone else is rlly casual and hit it off with hotrod p well. the burns family exchange stories with him, he talks about the states hes visited with some friends of his on earth. and ofc the conversation circles back around to the different fish hes caught chase questions if he has the proper liscenses for that. to which hotrod pulls up copies of some fr the different states he been in (all of them have the last name witwicky on them ;) ) all in all everyone is having a good time

everyone but blurr. he was hoping that maybe he could get some tips on racing, or anything to do with racing at all while theyre out there but hot rod's just really passionate about this trout he caught out in oregon and its driving him nuts. he ends up moping about it and just goes back to shore with blades cause he forgot his little hat and its just not the same without it.

They get back to the shore and salvage asks how its going and blades is like "Oh its great! turns out he speaks a bit of pirate too!" and stuff and blurr is sarchastically like "yeah its greaaaat" and they both kinda give him a look.

salvage is like "i take it hes not quite what you thought hed be like huh" and blurr is just "HE ONLY CARES ABOUT FISH. im never gonna be friends with him at this rate, hotrod is nothing like i thought he would be. im just gonna go back to hq"

and blades nd salvage just kind of look at each other and blades blades laughs a lil bit and blurrs a little peeved hes laughing but then they all get to talking a bit cause this reminds blades of when he was first getting to know bumblebee after their first meeting and he tells blurr a bit about it cause it was a bit awkward fr a while

blades had some ideas fr how exactly it was gonna be with bee and bee while he was enjoying hanging out just kinda asked him

"Do you want to be friends with me, or just the idea of me?"

and it made him stop and reevaluate things a little. ultimatley fr the better cause that kinda helped blades to take bee off the pedestal he had him on and just start really connecting with him just as he was.

and blades asks blurr if he was actually looking to be friends with hotrod or just the idea of how theyd be in his head and blurr kinda sits on that fr a bit without really saying anything

and salvage talks abt the time he and blurr first met a long lonnnng time ago and that the first impressions they had of each other weren't the best admittently and that salvage thought he really didnt have much in common with blurr but one day after they got to talking and racing came up in the convo and salvage saw a lot of the passion he had about it and it reminded him about a lot of his own passion for creating/inventing, he tells him that maybe you just need to give it some time and ask him about his other interests as well. really engage with him on it.

blades finally remembers he was there to grab his hat so he does and hes about to head back to the boat and blurrs like "wait, let me come back with you" and he gives it another chance

and it ends up working out. he asks him some more about his previous travels and they all start fishing again and the competitiveness rlly comes out in hotrod cause hes determined to catch the most and the biggest fish out of everyone on the trip now and blurrs trying to beat him and shenannigeans and hijinks ensue but they end up really connecting after that.

soon they get back to shore and everyone goes back to hq and theyre having fun and chatting late into the night hot rod decides he wants to take a quick ride around the island and he gets the ok and he asks blurr if he wants to join him!!!

blurrs really excited cause this is what he orignally wanted and was waiting for...but...

he turns him down, theyre hanging out again tommorrow anyway gotta make sure hes ready and all that and htos rods like "cant argue with that see ya tommorrow" and heads out

blurr goes down to where salvage is and just kinda watches as hes working on his projects and blurrs like "so uh... that thing you were workin on today... I didnt get the chance to see it in action..." and salvage glances over at him fr a second and then he smiles and they get to really chatting and talking abt it

and the first moral of this story is don't put people on a pedestal, take time to get to know them for who they are

but the second and most important moral is that there should be rodimus fishing memes

thats all i got rn

and reading this back this feels more like a bad my little pony plotline but yknow what that is ok.

friendship IS magic and the fish ARE biting

[chrswlls]

what ur fav nfb ship says about u

this isnt gonna be that deep and effortful like my other posts im bored and wanna start things ijbol

Jeremy x Jenny : you're like a majority of the fanbase. i mean they were never meant to be romantic apparently but it makes enough sense both romantically and platonically so no one jumps you for it! you also make REALLY good fan content inside and outside the ship

Jeremy x Megan : you like the potential girlboss x pathetic wet man dynamic that's honestly all i can say about you

Megan x Jenny : you can go on for hours and hours about their interactions past the heatwave and honestly who can blame you man they've got great intimate moments as friends already

Jeremy x Patrick : you want to see two pathetic men bicker and try to kill eachother and fail miserably

Julia x Peter : sorry your parents fell out of love trying to make the perfect future for you but they both had different views of that future that must've been tough

Alex x Sam : you have good taste this is the best ship TRUST 💯 the lack of fluffy content is killing you though like damn we get it they get angsty and toxic make them KISS GOT DAM IT

Alex x Boseman : You want Robert Boseman so bad IJBOOOOOOOLLLLLLLL or you just think its fun to explore a boss/employee relationship that's a lot more closer than it should be

Alex x Anyone Else : You're kind of a selfshipper there's nothing wrong with that btw

Alan x Katie : You love rivals to lovers or you found out Alan and Katie's actors are engaged and went with that. im ngl idk how to look at this ship as anything but questionnable but ik u can big brain it man

Alan x Jeremy : let me guess one-sided? not that i'd jump you for it lol you mustve killed jeremy on your first disrupt run to ship this ngl JSAKDAKDHAS

Geoff x Anyone : LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Graham x Any Woman : Hey So Are You Stupid On Purpose

Graham x Peter : you like when dominant men get dominated

Peter x Ivan : you love bits of your life and youre probably bisexual or whatever you call any man that likes men

Robyn x Francis : you're probably sapphic in a way you like when women fight and kiss right after

Wayne x Eamon : you like when someone in the ship says they can fix the other but has ultimately decided not to

Eamon x Eric : you wish someone looked out for you as much as eric does for eamon lol sad (................... real............)

Anything else : just ask i wont put it in the fandom tag tho lol

[ttkinnie]

Everything you said about hanma 🥲 finally turning human when his first friend dies it's Greek tragedy level of cursed. His way of crying is representative of that I think, still smiling with tears streaming down his face, like he doesn't know how to do it.

Oh my good yes I hc his flirty personality as a side effect of his education too, especially since he looks so much older than he is it wouldn't be weird for him to be a host~ the play pretend boyfriend type that are popular with women. So the words come easily to him, but the feelings are buried so deep in him he doesn't even realize there's something more to that relationship he has with that one little guy.

No but fr, what was Mikey even thinking. I go with different routes depending on the mood, like with how Hanma was just some guy in the end it could be anything but there's: 1) Hanma asked to be let in ~ maybe to get revenge on Takemichi, or because there's no future for him and that's the only thing he knows, or because he wants to kill himself through Mikey's violence and that brings us to 2) Mikey asked him ~ because indeed he respected Kisaki and took pity on Hanma, or he was suspicious about Hanma and wanted to keep an eye on him to protect Takemichi, or he wanted to take revenge on Kisaki for the murders, Emma's among them, through Hanma (this one is interesting for hanma whump and that's my jam)

Okay but the vision of the two time travellers fighting over small Kisaki is hilarious. Divorced parents arguing over guarding their child vibe, except one parent wants to make him a crime lord and the other wants to stop the kid from murdering people. Or darker Takemichi is torn between killing baby Hitler and being nice to him and Hanma protecting the kid and shaping him into a super villain for more moral nuance, the qui pro quos would be so funny my god.

Hanma as a jaded criminal my beloved, falling into insanity with hallucinations of Kisaki telling him what to do? I feel like he would go for Takemichi first since that's the guy who watched Kisaki died, almost killed him himself (I want to read a fic where takemichi pulls the trigger before the track arrives... the moral dilemma) but him being the subject of Sanzu's suspicion sounds hilarious tbh, Hanma acting innocent with angel of death Kisaki on his shoulder screaming kill them all 😭

@gratuiciel ur tags hurt me (and I love that) I'm fascinated with depressed era hanma, the fact that he relaxed thinking that Kisaki got away! Only to find his corpse on the road. Keeps thinking about what he could've done, if he had hold on to the bike better, if he had spent less time fighting with draken, and yeah always looking back at these six (6!) months of his life where everything was so colorful and he took it for granted. Maybe the first time in his life where he actually (somewhat) cared about another human being, only to have it ripped out from him.

I always wondered how he came to be in bonten, especially as he wasn't that useful anyway. We joke about Hanma being just some guy at the end of the manga but there was something to be done with him that just didn't happen and it makes me sad. So many fanart of him going back into the past and meeting little Kisaki... I want to develop that idea cuz I feel like he would try to shape into the boy he remembers but at the same time he would be scared to death of something happening to Kisaki. Plus, with the kid not being lonely to death I doubt he would develop that same passion for Hinata. But even if Hanmas not a time traveller, just the idea of him taking revenge on Takemichi and Mikey in Bonten is just, chef's kiss. Wanna write something about that (girl who has 1384949 wips)

[mychlapci]

Sooooooooo, for bots birth is pleasurable, isnt it? I bet bot Kade, being the first to give birth and terrified (which I cant blame him), got quite the revelation...the moment Kade crawls into his lap to get speared by his spike and get bred out of his own will the leader of the rescue bots knows he won the war and got himself a perfect mate (and a small army of cute babies he adores with all his spark; he also adores their carrier, not that he will admit it out loud...only when said spicy carrier is sleeping in his arms at night).

What about the rest? I could see either Boulder or Graham as carriers, while I simply cant imagine Chase and Blades as anything else except carriers for their mates (idk why, but I had a dream of Chase having two valves (and two forges): he got rid of his spike since he never used it and it was a tiny dicklet...so he has two fat valves and two juicy clits, the better to get pregs with). You cant tell me dear Chief doesnt have a breeding kink and that he doesnt want more kids, cause neither of us will believe it (he tries to tell himself he has enough kids, but the lizard part of his brain is like "knock him up! knock that twink up!")

.....now that I think of it, the fantasy could also apply to Blades, as in, he had a tiny spike that he got rid of in favor of another valve...and Dani is so gonna knock him up.

OooOoh i love orgasmic birth, truly one of my favourites... birth being pleasurable is how they ensure carriers keep wanting to get knocked up. Heatwave knew it was gonna work on Kade. He purposefully didn't tell him he had nothing to worry about because he wanted it to be a surprise. After their first sparkling Kade is more than willing to have another one. Very eager.

i feel like Boulder should get to carry for Graham... and then they switch places for the second sparkling <3

to Chase we will get, but Blades... ooOoh he would like to be a mommy. he'd be a nervous overprotective expecting mommy constantly having to be calmed down by Dani, who thinks the stress is doing more harm than good.

[transformersrescuebots]

Oh hold up uhm oh god its april 3rd ok ok its still the second for like americans and shit thats close enough to April fools right? Uhm blades is actually heterosexual and he was just very close friends with bumblebee 😢 sorry. Even tho yknow they werent even close friends cause bumblebee would just bugger off for years at a time but actually ur like. homophobic if you think blades is gay for some reason? hes just a fem straight robot alien thing even though hes not fem??? his voice actor just has a high pitched voice but the character isnt fem except for that one time he was really into dresses but are you really considering that when you make this weird heterosexuality argument. uhm that i am making! hes straight according to me and im always right forever and ever and ever want to know why? because im actually a millenial and were the smartest and so my weird assumptions youre homophobic actually for being queer and seeing yourself in a queercoded character are right. HAHA i gotchu april fools...yall. wasnt that funny. What do you think about the situation, Heatwave?

[thegreatimpersonator]

I think some people just come to yoir blog these days to complain about EVERYTHING that has to do something about taylor. A heatwave in Brazil? Taylor's fault. A fan dying because of the terrible stadium conditions? Taylor's fault. Taylor not cancelling the show? Her fault. Taylor actually cancelling the show? Also her fault. Taylor releasing her movie to rent? She's a devil for doing that!

Like I've criticised her so many times before but sometimes it's unnecessary and enough like it's fine you don't need to go on a complete hate train and that's why I love you because you're not just like "Yeah right!" but actually disagree with those people if they're being wrong

dude yeah... it really sucks tbh with you. i feel like i havent been that active recently but im always on, still getting messages, but the messages im getting are genuinely insane. the ones yall see are the best one out of the bunch... like 90% of them nowadays are just really disrespectful and weird. i get plenty just openly calling taylor a whore or just trying to twist things in a way to make her look like a bad guy in a situation where she clearly isnt.

and ill be the first to say ive welcomed an environment for constructive criticism or some complaining, because despite what some swifties say- its actually totally fine to not like 100% of everything taylor does. you're allowed to vocalize your distaste for something to an extent if you can follow it up with a respectable reason. but lately its just been people being so condescending and rude. i've also asked people multiple times to not send me every update on travis or links to videos about them and i still get them daily. it just feel like my inbox is fully out of my control now and full of trolls. and the only reason i dont turn it off is because once in a while theres great ones that i get to respond to in a really invigorating and interesting way (like this one!) and it would be a shame if i missed it because others dont know how to behave or be decent.

[legofemme]

Its so odd to me when people will go on a rant/tangent and then randomly throw in that they hate something that youve made your entire personality. I cant say im not guilty of it but sometimes its just so bizarre. Me going off about how much i hate genshin when talking about addiction isnt too far of a leap but why are we talking abt how much u hate wasps in the middle of discussing the weather 🤨 did they cause the heatwave orrrr...?

[because-she-goes]

…had an idea about the matty thing recently and this kinda came to me as i was sleeping so here it is. it isnt nora x matty or really anything, but hopefully you guys like it…. enjoy! also inspired by this song :)

I met you at the beginning of a spring heatwave. your name was on repeat in my head for days. what once was brunette, icy and cold became blonde, warm and summery. tank tops, jean shorts and ice tea revealed after months of sweaters and hot chocolate. shadows illuminated by you. days flying by spent driving and thinking of you, imagining your laugh, your smile, your hair swirling in the wind of a passenger seat. it all was you, every flower, every bird’s chirp, every cool breeze. a summer love in the middle of april. bliss in suburbia. even now writing this, i look back and can only say that it was the greatest April I have ever experienced in my twenty four years. even now writing this, i thank whatever angel sent you to me. you ripped me out of a february depression and showed me a march and april and may like none other. I still have a hard time believing it is real and that you like me. I still can’t believe I got so lucky to know you, angel.

this is about you. you know who you are. i love you (friend).

[othellodonryan]

for the music ask thingey.... 5, 11, 22 !!

5. ramble about a song

ough well fall out boys new album came out recently and i love like ALL of the songs but i really love so much for stardust!! the fuckin strings and the CHORUS oh man. not great at talking about why i like songs but daaaaaaaamn its so good (gets me thinking of ocs too which is a plus lol)

11. a popular song you think is Good, Actually

heatwaves by glass animals! dreamland was my most listened to album last year and while heatwaves definitely wasnt the best song on there its still so good

22. a song you can’t stand by an artist you like

ooooh this is difficult. u know what ill make it easy i really like old panic so ill choose them. god i hate hey look ma i made it idk why the lyrics are just kinda? off. and the actual music isnt that catchy either lol. pretty much all of the last 2 albums im not a fan but that song especially

[hekkoto]

Hello my darklings!

Here I come with lil post with update cause I feel like you deserve to know how things are going and why lately Im barely online

My main issue is my poor mental health, I again struggle with constant, daily suicidal thoughts. Im kinda used to this as I struggle with this since I was teen, when I was kid they werent daily at least. They stopped like 2 or 3 years ago but now they are back. Its really hard to live like this but I try to keep going, no matter how much it hurts. In case you dont know – I suffer from borderline which means Im constantly jumping between very strong emotions and my actions are often reckless. Usually you can see me being super euphoric but also very depressed. Lately those depressive moments started to be very long and harder than usually. Adding awful heatwave we had since few weeks it caused me to be on edge of giving up. Here I want to thank a lot everyone who was leaving nice comments or talking with me and trying to cheer me up, I know it might be tiring that I keep saying Im worthless and such but thats how I feel. Im not used to people being so nice to me, really thank you, you are saving my life. I would love to be able to ask for help but sadly Im not, I feel like Im burden to everyone. Its something I need to work on, it will take some time but sadly for now Im still struggling with this. But Im always super grateful for everything you do <3

In last days I sleep a lot, like up to 18 hours per day, right now Im not sure if thats cause of my chronic fatigue or depressive state. Im also wasting a lot of time watching lets plays from The Binding of Isaac: Repentance cause its my comfort game and it really helps me. So yeah, I barely do anything.

I struggle a lot with substance abuse, starting from overdosing antidepressants constantly just to survive, I also drink and such. Im aware its bad, Im aware that I cross the line but Im doing it to go through those days. I will try my best to limit this when I will feel better, when I wont need this to stay alive.

Here I want to apologize my Patrons, Im so so so sorry that in last months I dont post most of promised stuff and a lot of things are late ;-; and I want to thank you a lot for still being here, I cant express how happy I am. I promise that when I will feel better everything will be on time, I will also give you some bonus for your patience <3

Please, give me some more time to sort things out. I know that the best thing for me now would be therapy but sadly Im not able to afford this. I will ask my psychiatrist to prescribe me therapy so if in some magical way I will have money I will be able to start it. I start to consider asking my parents for this but honestly? They spend 1000PLN every month just on my meds, they also pay for my doctors, from time to time my mom goes with me to do lil shopping of hygienic stuff and home supplies and pays for everything. They also pay for my flat and all the bills. So yeah... they already spend a lot on me and I feel so bad about this and asking for more feels awful. But if this is something I need to stay alive I guess I have to...

My physical health isnt the best too, I suffer from quite bad pains of joints and muscles. I have bigger dose of meds for this but its still not perfect. Also on days when heatwave hits Im kinda trapped in my house, I cant go outside when its super hot cause its dangerous for me

Thanks to your support and my husband's help things arent super bad yet, thankfully I was able to not go back to self harm and my suicidal thoughts are just thoughts an Im not doing anything to actually kill myself. Without you... welp, I would be dead

I plan to use the best my time when Im feeling fine, I wanna draw and record a lot. So yeah, for now I cant promise any time when stuff will be there but I will do it. I will be working on one project which is very important for me, you will see it soon [I hope haha]. Right now I will focus on commissions and stuff for Patrons so if you wait for something from me – it will be there soon <3

Thank you a lot for your patience and love, you are awesome <3 I dont know how long it will take for me to get better but I will keep fighting and hopefully at some point I wont suffer so much. My past was awful and it damaged me a lot, fixing it will be very long and hard but I must stay strong. I will keep fighting and perhaps I will be able to make my dreams come true

Love ya, Hekkoto