#this isn't heartstopper lol

[hallowvamp]

If you wanted to see ethical characters and perfect, healthy, wholesome, non-toxic relationships, then clicking on a gothic romance involving murderous blood sucking monsters with centuries of trauma was your first mistake.

[frownatic]

Yeah, I'm fine. Why are you asking?

*starts my third binge of Heartstopper this week*

[weedle-testaburger]

yk since the show raised it, i know this is a thing people really do but the whole 'we're going out but it's too early to say i love you' thing baffles me. i say i love people i've never even met irl and have no interest in romantically, why would it be 'too early' to say that to someone you're in a relationship with

[whitestopper]

I feel like Tao's behaviour might make more sense if his dad had left than if his dad had died. He has low self-esteem and his mindset is often rooted in "If I'm not good enough, this person will not stick around," which is a more natural consequence of having an absent parent than a dead one. S2/S3 Tao is specifically paranoid about people leaving him because they find something better, especially with Elle, to whom the story ties Tao's grief for his father, and his S1 paranoia about bad stuff happening to his friends (ie. Charlie hanging out with homophobes - which I guess isn't really paranoia because it's what Charlie is doing) is gone and was kind of treated like a cover-up for his fear of loneliness anyway.

[mysteriousboo]

Boop of the day!

Do you have a favorite manga?

Personally it's Bungo Stray Dogs. It's kind of a fanfiction based on real author and their work like Fyodor Dostoevsky got the ability Crime and Punishment. They have power based on one of their work. We mainly follow the Armed Detective Agency in Yokohoma. My fav character here is Fyodor ! (I also love Dazai)

Boop back!!

I have seen some of the bungou stray dogs the anime!! It's good!! My favorite manga is prolly hunter x hunter, which sounds like a basic ass answer but hunter x hunter is just *chef's kiss*!!!

Another manga that i enjoyed reading is Kanojo ni Naritai Kimi to Boku!! It was recommended to me by a friend and it's so good!! It's like heartstopper, but WAY better because the creator isn't xenophobic!! plus, the creator also didn't grow up in queer friendly spaces, unlike Alice oseman(*eye roll*), so it's a lot better to read!! because the majority of the population also grows up in a more of a non-queer friendly environment!! It's hits harder to me on an emotional level, unlike heartstopper!!

[lolotr]

heartstopper prompts?

for the first time in ages, I feel like possibly writing something, so send along a prompt if you have something you want to see but don't want to write it yourself! comics, show, AU, whichever characters

my resume/shameless self promo: https://archiveofourown.org/works/44469580

[emilem-forevermore]

hey! intro post :D

are you having a panic or anxiety attack? here :)

here is a link to the trevor project (a helpline for queer youth) if you are struggling. remember you deserve love and recovery :)

you should go look at #em says it’ll get better <3 /nf

and if you know me irl, don’t follow me here- go to @peanut-jelly @squirrelfrienddd or @femininemilem

okay, a bit about me:

personal

my name is ollie, or oli, oliver, or em.

my pronouns: he/xe/it/fae/they. no she/her or fem terms.

my age: i am a minor. don’t be gross.

my birthday: april 8th! i’m an aries :3

nicknames i've collected: emilem, gay little frat boy, catboy tea, cheeto boy, leaf boy, em and em

my height: 5'0! i am tiny :)

i'm happily dating @nyxerer120 (how! i’m the luckiest boy in the world holy shit)

poetry blog! @emilems-poetry

vent blog: @emilem-is-sad

just another ones: @femininemilem @squirrelfrienddd

for my friends but also you ig: @peanut-jelly

therian blog: @emilems-a-cat

i also run one of the color shark blogs!

i also have a pinterest, spotify account, and scratch account. this isn't something i'll be sharing with the world but if we're moots or smth and you want it lemme know :D here is one scratch acc tho

fun facts about me:

i earned a black belt in taekwondo (i no longer do it tho).

i cannot play any instruments but would like to learn guitar one day

i’m a norwegian forest cat therian but i’m fine with being called human/person too @emilems-a-cat

fandoms and interests

music: harry styles ⋆ 1D ⋆ hozier ⋆ noah kahan ⋆ chappell roan ⋆ sabrina carpenter ⋆ taylor swift ⋆ the amazing devil ⋆ a lot more

fandoms: gravity falls ⋆ warrior cats ⋆ heartstopper ⋆ brooklyn nine nine ⋆ only murders in the building ⋆ a good girls guide to murder ⋆ wild life smp + more

interests: poetry (check out @emilems-poetry) ⋆ drawing ⋆ digital art ⋆ writing ⋆ reading ⋆ french ⋆ veterinary sciences ⋆ the human body ⋆ psychology ⋆ hebrew, spanish ⋆ chinese ⋆ italian ⋆ music ⋆nature

check this out:

my favorite post on this website, a slight tw for self harm mentions, but aside from that it's extremely moving and well written and might help if you're feeling down :)

PLEASE:

send messages/asks!!! i'm not scary!!! pls interact :D

send me art and poetry!!! it’s so awesome to look at :3

talk to me about heartstopper, poetry, wild life, and noah kahan :)

if i say/do something that upsets you, let me know! i try to do my best to be inclusive and kind but sometimes i mess up so help me out :)

i love my moots more than the world!!! here's a list of some of them:

@hotteststar my first moot and fellow bisexual :)

@rins-batcave my reason /p

@raeprise mon cœur /p

@sparky4577 my brother (not irl but i wish)

@loozerboykisser man with all the everything

@crowofthestars just really fuckn cool. go follow them!

@thecrazyalchemist my bestie with the coolest name(s) ever

@mrblazeflappybird my cool uncle!!!

@wishiwereheather13 my really cool moot im too nervous to talk to (your banner is so cool btw. just sayin.)

@boldofyoutoassumeicanspell my wise gal i should talk to more

@holiday-spice my favorite seasoning (get it. cause his name is spice. lol.)

@halflingwithaknife i get excited whenever you're in my notifications you're so cool :0

@aflairforthemelodramaticc my father :)

@blaxolt one of the funniest folks i know :3

@catinasink uh. uh youre so cool. wtf im scared of you youre really awesome :0

@theronanlynchshow LITERALLY AWESOME I LOVE SEEIN YA ON MY DASHH AHHH

@the-toaster-rat genuinely one of the nicest ppl ever he’s amazing go follow him >:3

if you'd like to be added to (or removed from) this list lemme know! i have so many mutuals and i love them all beyond words <3

oh also i tag my weekly polls with #ollie’s polls so those are there if you wanna see

[sternenschaukler]

List/ Collage with A-Spec Characters: canon confirmed, and popular headcanons

List:

Colours:

Canon confirmed: blue

popular headcanon/ speculation: orange

Alastor, Hazbin Hotel: ace, aro

Senku Ishigami, Dr. Stone: ace, aro

Vi Moradi, Star Wars: ace, aro

Victor Vale, Vicious: ace, biromantic

Spongebob: ace

Kirby: ace, aro, non-binary

the Knight, Hollow Knight: agender, ace, aro

Todd Chavez, BoJack Horseman: ace

Georgia Warr, Loveless: ace, aro, aego?

Jughead Jones, Archie: ace

Doomguy/ Dooomslayer: ace

Seiji Maki, Bloom into you: ace, aro, aegoromantic?

Monkey D. Luffy, One Piece: ace, aro

Connor Hawke, DC Comics: ace, alloromantic

Perry the platypus: ace, aro

Kusuo Saiki, Disastrous life of Saiki K.: ace, aro

Yelena Belova, Marvel: ace, aro

Izaya Orihara, Durara: ace, aro

Daryl Dixon, the Walking Dead: ace

Keyleth, Critical Role: demisexual

Neil Josten, Foxhole Court: demisexual, demiromantic

Isaac Henderson, Heartstopper: ace, aro

Vernestra Rwoh, Star Wars: ace, aro

Light Yagami, Death Note: ace, aro

Caduceus Clay, Critical Role: ace, aro

Murderbot, Murderbot Diaries: ace, aro, genderless

Jonathan "Jon" Simms, Magnus Archives: ace, biromantic

Shouto Todoroki, Boku no Hero Academia: ace, aro

Lilith Clawthorne, Owl House: ace, aro

Bill Cypher, Gravity Falls: ace, aro, agender

Ezperanza "Spooner" Cruz, Legends of Tomorrow: ace

Nadia Van Dyne/ the Wasp, Marvel: ace, aro, quoiromantic

Peridot, Stephen Universe: ace, aro

Gwenpool, Marvel: ace, aro

Frieren: a-spec, ace, aro

Joffrey Baratheon, Game of Thrones: ace, aro

Sherlock Holmes, Arthur Conan Doyle: ace, aro

Lord Varys, Game of Thrones: ace, aro

Reyna Avila Ramirez-Arellano, Percy Jackson: ace, aro

Son Goku, Dragonball: ace

10th Doctor, Doctor Who (David Tennant): ace, panromantic

11th Doctor, Doctor Who (Matt Smith): ace

Sakuko Kodama, Koisenu Futari: ace, aro

Satoru Takahashi, Koisenu Futari: ace, aro

Felicity Montague, Lady's guide to petticoats and piracy: ace, aro

Jasnah Kholin, Stormlight Archive: ace, heteroromantic

Loth, Priory of the Orange Tree: grey-ace

Tané, Priory of the Orange Tree: ace, aro

Adèle, Baker Thief: demisexual, bi

Claire/ Claude, Baker Thief: aro (aroallo!), genderfluid

Sandry, Circle of Magic: ace

Ling Chan, the Diviners: ace, lesbian

Nancy Whitman, Every Heart a Doorway: ace, alloromantic

Kel, Protector of the Small: ace, aro

Natalie, Natural History of Dragons: ace, aro

Raphael Santiago, Shadowhunters: Cassandra Clare: ace, aro (In the show only ace)

Please note that I took most of my information from online, and I didn't personally read/ watch everything, so there may be some mistakes. Also, some of the not-canon characters are very likely aspec, but just not confirmed. And especially if they say/ do really obviously aro/ ace stuff, I wasn't sure if it's enough to put them in the "confirmed" category. (e.g. Saiki literally said he isn't attracted to anyone regardless of gender, and never wants to be in a relationship. But there are still people who doubt his aroace-ness. (And at this point I don't see how it could be anything but aphobia, to deny the mere possibility of him being aroace so vehemently lol.) ) Also: Sadly, I couldn't find good aro-allo characters except Claire/ Claude from "baker thief". There is tons of good a-spec representation in that book (also more side characters that I didn't mention here), but I couldn't really find any fan-art. So then I just slapped the entire book cover on the collage.

[trumpkinhotboy]

"All that matters to me is that you're happy"

Pairing: Nick Nelson x Younger sibling!reader

Type: Request (thank youuu !!)

Genre: Angst and fluff

Warnings: A few curse words, homophobic comments, having a homophobic family member/sibling, being “bullied” by a family member

Rating: 13+ (because of curse words)

Word count: approx. 4k

Requests: Open! For Heartstopper, Twilight wolfpack, Narnia and Harry Potter

A/n: I must say, I loved writing this fic, but it always make me feel a bit weird to write about someone who’s homophobic… I know it’s sadly part of our society, but ugh. Just writing those horribles words made me feel weird and the saddest thing is that they’re all things I’ve actually heard before ????? But anyway, i think the fluff really does outweigh the angst (lol) and im sending you all a big fat queer hug <33

*gif is not mine!!

** Can you imagine him hugging you like this? Making you feel safe and shit?? Ughh. Nick would be the best brother on earth that for SUUUURE (i even wrote a thing about it hehe, if you want to check it out it’s here :3)

Summary: After being around Charlie and his group of friends' the reader starts to question themselves a bit more, wondering what they’re own sexuality and gender might truly be. However, all that discovery isn't made easy by their oldest brother David, who’s never been one to shy away from speaking what’s on his mind (even though it's the most hainous and stupid thing you might hear:)). After a pretty heated fight between the two of them, the reader takes refuge in their room where they will at least get comfort and support from their other brother, Nick.

It had already been a week since your oldest brother, David, came home from university, and it was proving to be one of the longest weeks of your life. David's presence at home always meant you had to deal with a bunch of mixed and confusing feelings. You used to be quite close with him. Once, David Nelson was a sweet and funny boy, but since he entered his teenage years, he proved to be a complete asshat. You still had your good moments together, from time to time, but they were becoming pretty scarce. Especially since he started making all those homophobic and horrible comments about LGBTQIA+ folks. When something stupid came out of his mouth, which happened quite a lot, you usually tried to ignore him, not wanting to engage in a fight every single time. Especially when you knew he loved to do it on purpose, but it was incredibly harder to do since you had met Charlie and his friends and learned that your brother Nick was bisexual. That wasn't taking into account the fact that you had started to question your own sexuality. Fights kept sparking up with your brother, and you couldn't just stand down anymore and let him spew his homophobic nonsense.

Contrary to your habit, you came back from school alone that day. After you waited a good 15 minutes for Nick to make an appearance at the crowded gates of Truham, you sent him two text messages, which were left unanswered. You decided to head home anyway, knowing something must have come up for him.

Sitting in the old bus bringing you closer to home, you let your mind drift. You found your thoughts heading toward a subject that had become quite familiar to you in the past few weeks. You thought about how you admired Charlie and his friends. They were so accepting and loving towards each other. You always wished you could have a friend group like that. You had lots of friends at Higgs, some very nice ones at that, but it wasn't the same. You weren't your 100% authentic self with them. You would never be able to tell them how uncomfortable you felt with all the heteronormativity demonstrated at school and how you always felt a bit weird about being in a ‘girl's’ school. In fact, you didn't mind it at all, but you hated all the stereotypical crap that came with it. Deep down inside, you never really considered yourself a girl or a boy. You were just a human, existing and floating around, trying to make the best of life. You felt trapped by the gender box and wanted to exist outside of it. You wanted to do anything you wished, wear anything you wanted without having to think whether it was a "girly" or "boyish" thing to do. Until a certain age, you didn't really care about all of that, but the older you got, it felt like stereotypes were being pushed onto you even more. And lately, you just couldn't come up with a way to deal with it, although the need was getting more pressing with each passing day.

As you walked home, completely lost in thought and not really noticing what was in front of you, you bumped into a tall, and lanky boy.

"Y/n! There you are!" You heard Charlie's familiar voice say from afar, slowly bringing you back to the mortal realm. "Nick's been looking for you everywhere!"

"Oh, right," you mumbled. "I did wait at Truham and even texted him, but after a while, I just decided to go anyway."

The curly-haired boy stayed silent for a second, noticing you seemed out of it. Silent and pensive, instead of being your usual cheerful self. He shifted his head to the side, trying to catch your gaze. "Are you okay?"

You looked up at him, confusion filling your eyes. "I don't know," you admitted. "It's been an interesting past few weeks." You kicked small pebbles off the sidewalk as he took ahold of your arm, bringing you to a small bench on the side of the road.

"Do you want to talk about it? You know I'm here if you ever need to talk about anything." he kindly offered. You let out a heavy breath. How could you talk about something that didn't even make sense to you? 

"I-, I've been questioning myself a lot lately…" He didn't react to that declaration, giving you the space you needed to express yourself fully, but encouraged you to carry on with a subtle nod. "I-, you know, with you and Nick, and your friends and just, everything in fact. I- ugh, I just feel so trapped." Elbows on your knees, you pressed your closed eyes with the palms of your hands. A feeble attempt to relieve some of the pressure you felt buzzing in your overstimulated brain.

"Trapped?"

"Like I'm suffocating. People keep saying stuff that makes me uncomfortable, and I'm not sure why it makes me feel this way."

You turned to face him, his expression a mix of surprise and compassion. With his own coming out and Nick's situation, Charlie was getting quite versed in the 'question yourself' department. "What kind of stuff?"

"Well…" you hesitated for a second. Saying those things out loud felt like jumping off a cliff, and you weren't sure what was waiting for you down there, but Charlie felt like such a safe person. His kind and caring expression made you want to say the words bouncing around in your head for the first time. Deep down, you knew he was one of the few people you could tell this without being scared.

"I hate all these labels and stereotypes everyone seems to be pushing on me. I don't think I've ever really noticed it before, but now I see every weird reaction and surprised glance when I say or do something that might be just a tiny bit out of the 'normal' box. I'm just a human. I don't feel attached to any gender, either with myself or when I'm interested in someone. Their gender doesn't matter to me, it's their personality, interests, and how they treat me. That's what matters and makes sense to me." You were slightly out of breath after you blurted this whole thing out. Once you started talking, it felt impossible to stop. Coming to your senses about everything you had just told Charlie, you nervously looked his way. "Or at least, I think."

True to himself, he had listened patiently, never interrupting you. You took a deep breath, feeling like a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders. It was such a refreshing feeling. Your brother's boyfriend looked at you in silence before smiling.

"I'm really happy, and honored you felt comfortable enough to tell me about all of this Y/n. Does Nick know about the way you feel?"

You shook your head no, feeling a hint of guilt creeping in. "I didn't know what to tell him… I'm not even sure how I feel can be put into clear words."

"Sometimes it is pretty hard to find ways to put an exact word on a state of mind, but if you'd like, I can tell you about some stuff that might be linked to how you feel. You're not the only one who feels like that, and even if it's not exactly the good word for you, maybe it can give you an idea. A hint of things to look up, to do some research on and see what that feels like for you."

You nodded excitedly. Your innocent enthusiasm exerting a laugh from Charlie.

"But. We'll do that as I walk you home, okay? Nick had a rugby thing tonight and panicked a bit when he realized he hadn't told you about it. He asked me to text him when I saw you and would probably feel more comfortable knowing I walked you home. So, is that a deal?”

The discussion you shared on your walk home was one of the most informative you've ever had. Charlie was full of knowledge, and he was incredibly good at explaining everything. When he left you on your doorstep, words like "non-binary" and "pansexual" still danced around in your brain. You thanked him thoroughly before promising to keep him updated. You entered your cozy home, feeling some relief for the first time in a while. Nellie's excited welcome only made it better. She was dancing around your feet, letting out high-pitched barks.

"Y/n? That you, darling?" you heard your mother's voice call from the kitchen.

"Yes, mum!"

You joined her in the delicious smelling room after you granted Nellie your entire attention. She was still following you around, almost making you trip as she slipped between your legs. As you came in, you were incredibly happy to see the plate of lasagna your mother put in the stove.

"You're a bit late. Everything alright?"

"Oh yes. Charlie walked me home since Nick had a rugby thing. We got distracted a little bit, that's why."

Your mother only nodded with a smile. She absolutely loved Charlie and knew that if you were with him, she didn't need to worry about a thing. She entirely trusted him to take care of her Nelson babies.

"Dinner'll be ready in twenty."

You nodded before you walked to the living room, your bag slung over your shoulder.

"Hey." saluted David. He was sprawled on the couch, focused on some video game on the screen. Nellie, still on your heels, let out a low growl when she noticed his presence. Like you, she wasn't much of a fan of David's. You rolled your eyes as you realized he had, once again, borrowed Nick's Nintendo Switch without asking. You finally grunted in response, not wanting to end your good mood by engaging with him. "Heard you say that Charlie walked you home."

His comment immediately made you tense up. When David was mentioning Charlie, it rarely ended well. You still remember vividly the night he had met him, all the things he had said, and how much of a dick he had been. You had felt so bad for poor Charlie and spent the night in Nick's room, allowing him to vent about the situation. "Yeah." you cautiously answered.

"So?"

"So what?" you turned on your heels, facing him with a challenging look, daring him to say some dumb shit again.

"Well, he's not trying to turn you gay, is he?" he snickered.

Your mouth opened in an astonished 'oh'. He didn't dare to say that, did he? If his comment hadn't made you so angry, you would have laughed at his stupidity. "What the hell, David. Do you even hear yourself?"

He let out an idiotic laugh, sounding like all the morons you had the pleasure to cross paths with at school. "No, but I mean, he's already convinced Nick, maybe you're next on the list. Maybe he wants you to join his little gay club."

Tightening your grip on the strap of your bag, your blood boiled in your veins. If you were a comic character, high-pressure smoke would come out of your ears right this instant. You couldn't understand how such a hateful and horrible human being could be related to you and the rest of your family.

"Shut the hell up. What does it bring you to be such a dick?"

He put his game on pause, noticing the change in your tone. "Oh my god, not you too. Can't anybody take a joke anymore?"

"David, I swear, you better shut up. I'm done letting you say such hateful things without saying anything."

"Listen, I just don't want to be stuck in a house with so many gay people. Don't want to catch it, you know. I don't even get it. It can't even physically work between same-sex people. Is it some weird kinky stuff? Am I really cursed to be the only sane one in this family?" He started his game again as if he hadn't just said one of the worst things you had ever heard. At this point, he wasn't even trying to hide his homophobia. You always tried to keep the peace between you two, knowing it made your mother very sad when you got in fights, but this was your limit, and he kept crossing it as if it didn't matter.

"I don't even know why you keep bothering coming home when all you do is be a stupid piece of shit towards Nick and me. You were an asshole to him when he came out, and now you want to do the same to me? You're not even nice to mum! I, we, don't need this in our life."

"You too? So you are gay?!"

"THAT'S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS!" You took a breath, trying to refrain from punching him straight in the face. "You know what, I'm not interested in having a relationship with someone like you. You try to act as if you are this cool and nice older brother who's just joking, but you AREN'T. You're just mean and a fricking homophobe. Don't you ever talk to me again, got it?" You kept your tone cold, but made sure that every word coming of your mouth was coated in venom.The 'game over' sound escaped the TV, your brother staring at you, clearly dumbfounded by your last words. You left the room before you could start crying in front of him and bumped into your mother, her eyes wide open. No doubt she had heard the last part of that conversation. It broke your heart to see the expression on her face, but if she couldn't recognize when her own son was being a bully, that wasn't on you. She would never accept that behavior from anyone else, she was giving him too many chances, and you couldn't abide it when it came to something as serious as this.

"Y/n, darling…"

"I don't know why you still allow him to come here. It's been years since David has been decent to us. I'm so tired of it Mum, I'm done with it. I can't take this anymore, and someone needs to tell him this is NOT okay. I'm not talking to him anymore, and I really mean it. This isn't a petty little fight between siblings. This is serious."

"I-"

Your attention was captured by the front door opening on a very sweaty Nick.

"Hi, I'm home!" you heard his familiar voice say. The smile on his face vanished when he noticed the expression on you and your mother's faces. "What happened?" he asked seriously. Worry invaded his hazelnut eyes at the sight of your disheveled figure, your chest quickly going up and down, your breath shallow with anger. Your mother's state wasn't comforting either. She looked absolutely brokenhearted.

"David. That's what happened," you said with a sarcastic smile before you went around your mother, climbing the stairs as quickly as you could to escape into your room. It didn't take very long for you to hear the screaming coming from downstairs. A mix of your mother and both your brothers' voices. You shoved your head into your pillow and slipped under the covers, trying to make yourself as small as possible before you let the tears run freely down your face.

You opened your eyes after some time, feeling as confused as ever. You felt like you were on another planet, hunger rumbling in your stomach. You looked at the time on your phone with half-opened eyes. 8:00pm. You must have fallen asleep after all the crying. 

You listened carefully, trying to hear what was happening downstairs when you saw your door open about an inch. Nick's face was peeking in the crack, trying his best not to make a sound. "Hey, kiddo. Can I come in?" he softly asked. You mumbled a yes, slowly sitting up in your bed, trying to regain some grasp on reality. His hands were full with a tray containing a plate of delicious-smelling lasagna, a steaming cup of tea, and a piece of brownie your mother had baked the night prior. He put it down on your night table, his eyes looking for yours.

"So."

"So."

"Mom told me what happened with David." he started. "I'm so sorry Y/n. Usually, I try to protect you from him. I'm sorry I wasn't home to prevent that whole situation from happening."

Once again, your eyes filled with tears. You didn't think it was even physically possible after all the crying you had already done, but here you were. You looked down at your fidgety hands, determined not to let him see the emotion arising in you.

"Yeah. Well, he's David. We know he's horrible."

"Yeah, but that doesn't mean he has a right to act like this. Mum said she'll take care of it. He really crossed the line this time." 

His hands were stuffed in the pocket of his gray sweatpants. A few wild strands of reddish hair fell in his eyes. He still looked so worried, guilty even. He had hoped you never would have to go through that and couldn't help but feel responsible that it happened anyway. You didn't dare to add anything, afraid that speaking would break you. Everything you were feeling was already so confusing, and the fight with your brother only made it worse. Nick kept staring, unsure what to do. He wanted to be there for you but didn't want to push your limits. He decided to sit on your bed, close, but not enough to be in your personal space. A very gentle approach was probably the way to go. You kept staring at your knees, knowing if you looked at him, it was done for, you would crack again. Nick and you were incredibly close. He was your brother, and in a way, he was an extension of yourself. You would do anything for him and knew the feeling was reciprocated. Having that kind of relationship had its advantages, but when you were trying to keep yourself from falling apart… it was kind of a pain. How could you look into his eyes and lie about everything you felt?

Gently, he took ahold of your hands. "Can I do anything to help?"

You stared at your hands covered with his freckled ones. These hands helped you through so much. They steadied you when you learned to ride a bike at seven. They always held yours when you were scared, and they always rubbed your back soothingly when you needed comfort.

You finally lifted your gaze, tears rolling down your face. You nodded as your lower lip started to shake uncontrollably. "Can I- can I have a hug?"

He took a deep breath before wrapping you in his arms.

"Come here." he engulfed you in his embrace making you feel protected and as safe as ever. He jumped under the covers so you both sat, your backs resting on your headboard. His arms still around you, and your head on his chest, you assembled the courage to let the words stuck in your throat be expressed.

You told him about all the things you had been questioning lately. All the stereotypes and labels that made you feel trapped. You told him about your walk with Charlie and how good it had felt to hear that it was all okay, that you were okay. Your gaze turned dark when you told him word for word about your conversation with David. You felt his grip tighten on you for a split second. You were no stranger to the anger David triggered in your brother.

"And then you came home, and now we're here." You ended your monologue and looked up to him. His brows furrowed, he seemed in deep, deep thoughts. Looking straight ahead, everything you told him was still settling in his mind. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, until my discussion with Charlie, I didn't even know what I was feeling."

The mention of his boyfriend seemed to bring him back to the present. He looked at you, forcing a smile on his lips that did not quite reach his eyes. "That's okay. You don't ever have to tell me something if you don't feel ready. I'm glad Charlie was there to catch you when you needed to."

You smiled, feeling once again that comforting warmth spreading in your chest. You were incredibly grateful to have such an amazing brother as Nicholas. You squeezed him a bit tighter. He reciprocated your gesture while resting his cheek on top of your head.

"Although I must admit I am a tiny bit jealous that you told him before me…"

"Jealous, uh?" you giggled after getting up, staring at him and the sparkle of mischief in his eyes.

"I'm just saying I want you to remember who has always slipped you some candies when mum said it was enough. Before you replace me with Charlie, that is."

You burst out laughing, remembering the many times you almost got sick because of all the candies Nick had slipped you.

"No worries, brother. I'm not thinking of replacing you just yet. You're too useful to me."

"Ah! That's comforting." His gaze in the direction of the ceiling, the smile on his face stilled. "I'm really sorry again about David. He's such a dick. I already felt so bad for what happened with Charlie. I'm so mad he dared to do the same to you." Your oldest brother's inner brain working was something that needed to be examined by scientists. You would never pretend to know how it even worked. "I thought that it was me he specifically had a problem with. I hoped that your youngest sibling's status would protect you. That was foolish of me. I should have said something before."

Rubbing his eyes with his hands, he seemed incredibly tired and vulnerable. You hated that someone from your own family could have that effect on him. In fact, you hated that someone in your family caused you all so much hurt.

"David's always been like that. Ever since he turned fourteen, he's been a bully. I think the important thing is that we never let it slide anymore. I think we all gave him too many chances, and it resulted in the lovely human being he is now." You reached for his hand once more, hoping to take away some of the guilt in his eyes. "This is not your fault Nick. You know how much I appreciate how you're always there for me, but I need to fight my own battles, and this is what I've done today. As shitty as it feels to know what David thinks of queer people, I feel incredibly proud to have stood up to him. To have said enough."

Your words seemed to lighten up his mood. The smile on his face wasn’t full yet, but it was getting much closer to a heartfelt one. "I am proud of you too. You're such a badass kid."

Curling your arms to show your guns, you wiggled your brows, hoping it would make him laugh and bring back on his features that dear smile of his. To your advantage, you did know your brother pretty well because he couldn't contain his laugh at the display of your dumb antics.

For the rest of the night, you stayed hidden in your room. You ate your whole plate and decided to put on a movie. You decided that the best remedy to such a shitty evening was to have one of your infamous movie nights. Nick even went out to fetch Nellie and some more sweets to satisfy the both of you.

"Y/n," he whispered halfway through the movie. A huge bowl of popcorn on both your laps, yours salty and his sweet, Nellie sprawled at the end of the bed, you hummed, reluctantly taking your focus away from the screen.

"What? I swear if you're about to ask me for some of my popcorn again, I'll punch you."

"It's not that." he chuckled. "I, I just want to say that if you need help with anything in your… your quest of understanding your sexuality."

"My quest?!" you interrupted with a laugh.

"Shut up." he threw some popcorn to your face, which you immediately ate, before he continued. "No, but I mean if you need help in your research or want me to be mindful of the pronouns I use for you. I want you to let me know."

You paused the movie, your expression a neutral surprise. "Nick, I-"

"No pressure or anything! I know you're still exploring and learning about new stuff. I just want you to know that I'm 100% here for you, no matter what, okay? You can ask me anything, and I'll do my best to help and support you. All that matters to me is that you are happy."

You stayed silent, the idea of exploring your pronouns still hanging in the air in front of you. You scrunched your nose and buried your face in his shoulder.

"I don't know what I would do without you. Thank you, Nick," you whispered with muffled words that barely came through the fabric of his sweatshirt.

"Better than Charlie?" he whispered back, diffusing the seriousness of the moment. You sat straight again, looking at him, a sparkle glowing in both your eyes. He was dumb. He loved to make jokes and tease you, but he was your big brother and your best friend in the whole world.

You offered him some of your salted popcorn before you focused again on the movie. Even though this had been a shitty week and evening, you took some time to just appreciate this precious moment, and took comfort in knowing that no matter what, you would always have Nick by your side.

[mathematical-cheese]

Bro...aroaces are literally the most represented everywhere. And you're still complaining. Go ask aroallos and aceallos about being recognised lol

The post wasn't even about representation, it's about the fact that even in aspec spaces there is a tendency to leave out the aro part of aroace and just viewing those people as asexual where being aro is an afterthought. Do you not see how that is also harmful for both aroallos and alloaces?

In the case of aroallos it's the fact that they're forgotten about because they aren't asexual and therefore their identity isn't even at the forefront of most people's minds when discussing aspec stuff. Their aroness is erased because it is not accompanied by asexuality.

In the case of alloaces there is the underlying assumption that romantic attraction isn't felt because there is still the assumption that aroace and asexual are the same thing. The fact they do feel romantic attraction is erased by the fact they're asexual.

The underlying issue here is that there isn't a great understanding of how different attractions interact with each other and the different labels we have to describe different experiences, even within the aspec community.

I made the post because an irl aspec group that I'm in were talking about the aroace character in the new series of Heartstopper and almost all of them referred to him as asexual. I have not watched Heartstopper (romance stuff doesn't interest me) but I was informed that there's actually a stronger focus on romantic attraction, i.e. the aro part in his aroace identity. As well as a consistent feeling that my aroness was erased when I identified as aroace and is ultimately one of the reasons I dropped the ace part of the label.

[rayofmfsunshine1201]

welcome

hi i am ray, i am genderfluid, panromantic, omnisexual. i am baby witch but i am one. i am a minor but i do make sexual joke a lot i dont mind if you make sexual jokes back if your under 18. ~this is a safe zone~.

other blogs

@that-ray-of-sun-trash (my trash blog with all my other chaos)

my gimmicks

@anon-confession-co

@hyper-chaos-lyric-translations

@the-offical-vine

@the-rat-detector-couple-the-1st

my note goal link :

my spotify :

tw: lots of cursing, mental health stuff, i am a hypersexual so i can be spicy

TAGS (idk how often i will use these lol)

#CHAOTIC DEMONIC SPEED SPEAKING - me just talking for no apparent reason

#your friendly neighborhood witch - witchcraft/wicca posts

#HERE COMES THE DUMP - just a dump of memes or thirsting on characters

#picsart core - a picsart photo i made

#dog with a reblog - any posts i reblog *reference to dog with a blog*

#got the love in my pocket - my game pocket love that has me in my boyfriend in it and i get really fucking cheesy about it

MY CLOSEST MOOTS

@g0od-luck-macabr3-sh0ck-to0 (my boyfriend)

@xneolivia (my bestie also my first moot)

@aroacegr1mr3ap3r my mha nerd

@etherealjellyfishgirl (mother part 2)

@frankiefridayyy (my fashionable, femboy, son)

@twisterino10 (my step sister)

@escapedcephalopod (that moot that always reblogs my shit but we rarely interact)

@pangothepangolin (musical bestie)

@a-fucking-tornado (my tinny helper)

@bunnybryson (heartstopper bestie)

@radiowave-slushie (the cool kid on the block and wizard)

@taco-bee (that one hyper ass friend)

@tabb1y (bestie part 2)

@musicalfan78 (fandom chaos)

@khloethecatsworld (that random local cat)

@justa-opossum (mother part 1)

@randomslinky (that one moot i dont remember how i met)

DNI if- need donations, homophobic, transphobic, easily triggered, nsfw account, wiccaphobic, or want to hate on people because of their opinions

do not send me asks for donations Here's why: I have NO money to give you I'm not a popular enough blog that I will give you any reach I am a minor, and most of my followers are too It makes me feel extremely guilty Seeing pictures of injuries or hospitals etc are triggering for me (which are in most intro posts for this sort of thing) They are always worded in a way that makes me feel like I am a murderer if I don't donate It makes me feel uncomfortable I said I don't want them, and my boundaries should be respected I can't tell what is a bot and what isn't I get a lot of spam from this. It is disappointing to see 10 new asks in my inbox just to be the same ask for

[querkynchaotic]

heartstopper season 3 going from "best day of my life" from tom odell in episode 1 to "black friday" in episode 4 really did something to me

i absolutely love that song (black friday) and just. when it started playing, i cried.

there isn't an episode i haven't cried to be honest lol

and just the use of music in general this season is amazing

[pfaerie]

I read heartstopper for a bit and I keep pretty mid expectations for webcomics because its a story for free, im not going to complain too much, whatever

But the 0 stakes thing fucking killed me man. Its also the like, wholesome paradox of not wanting to have a problematic world, but also wanting the mains to be comforted for their issues that came from a problematic world.

So you have a story where we encounter actual homophobia like twice, but fear of homophobia is a vehicle for comfort therapy speak. It becomes frustrating because it starts to feel like their fears are unfounded because the only homophobia in the plot is soundly dealt with by "it's a singular character who sucks so comically and no one likes that guy anyway"

And same with the eating disorder kinda? We have this whole plot about his disorder and it's resolved with "I've been in inpatient for a month and things are looking up!"

Also no one is allowed to be interesting because they all have to be nice and good and emotionally right always.

I don't know much about osemans personal stuff since I really don't look into authors, and I'm sure there's stuff in her comics but the characters are all so forgettable I can't even recall what was wrong about them. However she did have an author portrait in her physical copies that annoyed me lol.

Its all just so toothless man. Idk it feels like an ideological extension of, in trying to defend gay people against hypersexual stereotype, make things incredibly suppressed and overly chaste. Which if that's what you need whatever I guess, but it really became the popular gay media trend for a while and it nearly killed me.

EXACTLY 100% THIS. They're toothless and forgettable.

Their reluctance to do anything isn't supported by the world around them - they could probably kill a guy and get off scot-free, but they wouldn't because they're friends with everyone and nobody has an emotion more intense than a mild flutter. Except for the dickheads, who, like you said, are comically evil.

They're serious about everything, but it's easy to be serious when they only need to be, like, 5th-grader-with-one-chore-a-week serious!!! And vice versa! It's easy to be carefree when there are literally NO STAKES. IN ANYTHING. Like, I don't want to see tons of gay suffering by any means, but also. It builds character 🙄 They're fake. It's whatever.

Like. It's fine that it exists. Creators can do what they want. 90% of what I draw is syrupy-sweet romance and cute things. I get the appeal for the people who just want or need something soft. But god. I wish I never had to see another ad for that show. I don't want it on MY blog, in MY corner of the internet. I hate that it's a media darling. It's obnoxious.

[whitestopper]

Elaboration time

Tao, Charlie and Isaac would say that they're each other's best friends which is technically true, but really Tao and Charlie are each other's best friends but it'd be too awkward if anyone - or the show - acknowledged it.

Tao and Isaac don't actually gel that well but they're used to being in a quartet/trio together, so they just kind of default to each other.

Tao hasn't really given anyone else in the squad a chance - he thinks Nick is nice but the core of their friendship is Charlie so it doesn't really count. Somehow Isaac hasn't realised that Tara is probably his second best/favourite friend, but maybe one day.

Tara might say Elle is her best friend and Nick would probably deny having a favourite (especially in front of Imogen, who is actually only his second favourite), but really they are each other's best friend given their mutual vulnerability.

Tara and Elle get along well with similar attitudes and Tara is Elle's best friend, but they usually take the supporting-supported dynamic.

Darcy also considers Elle their best friend and Elle considers them her second best friend, but it's kind of similar to Tao with Nick and Isaac where Tara is kind of the glue. Darcy coming out as non-binary did add another layer though.

Darcy's fondness for Charlie is based on their gayness because they're so used to shame that they kind of rely on him to be an icon, but when it comes down to it they're more likely to stick with their Higgs peers, with their best friend probably being Sahar because the only other option is Imogen.

Imogen's best friend (even if we include Sahar) is Nick, valuing his opinion even when trying to shed her dependence on men/boys.

Imogen's second best friend is probably Elle or Tara but they're honestly not that close, because Elle would rather just give her opinion/know the gossip and Tara's just too accommodating for her own good.

Sahar is an undeveloped interesting case because she vibes with Tara and Darcy in S2 (though this is probably more improv on the actors' part than direction/writing), but in S3 the only non-Imogen character she really interacts with is Charlie and that's more for the band than a desire for interaction. No one even looks after her at Halloween, so I guess now she's only hanging out with the group for her crush and getting her support externally. Fair enough, I guess.

Paris Squad and their top two/three favourite members (PLATONIC STUFF ONLY)

Charlie - Tao, Isaac

Darcy - Elle, Sahar/Charlie

Elle - Tara, Darcy

Imogen - Nick, Elle/Tara

Isaac - Charlie, Tao/Tara

Nick - Tara, Imogen

Sahar - Darcy/Charlie, Tara/Darcy/Charlie

Tao - Charlie, Isaac

Tara - Nick, Elle

[dracosleftarsecheek]

hey yall gender update no one asked for and isn't that important lol but

i'm no longer going by just genderqueer, i also identify as nonbinary and bigender

my gender experience is that i feel like both a boy and a girl :)

my pronouns are still he/they/she but slightly leaning like more preference to he/they

tagging mooties so they know :)

@touslin @bleep-bloop-boo @justafrogghost @i-eat-so-much-grass

@homocidalpotat @a-dam-heartstopper-fan @im-on-crack-send-help @bored-dromaeosaur @beanthebugboi

@monarchofthequeerpotatoes

@calypso10191 @here-am-i-sitting-in-a-tin-can @cheekyboybeth @names-confuse-me @yourlocalbadgerscales

@fairyycoffin @onceinalifetimexperiencebuttwice @lusxnei6 @anything-for-my-moony-1971

[lolotr]

fanfic author 20 questions!

I am late to the party, but i was tagged by @shadowquill17, thanks my love <3 <3

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

51

2. What’s your total AO3 wordcount?

162,166 total words! Not too shabby

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I've written for a bunch of fandoms, but these days it's mostly Dead Boy Detectives. in theory i have other fandoms, but none that i'm so feral for at the moment

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

all of them are DBD which is kind of astonishing to me, this fandom never ceases to amaze 1. after the insects have laid their claim 2. like breathing 3. terms of endearment 4. a certain step towards falling in love 5. you can throw a party full of everyone you know

5. Do you respond to comments?

yes, every single one, no matter how old the fic is! i might be a little slow or miss one every so often, but i really try hard to respond to every one i get. comments mean the absolute world to me, so i want to thank everyone who takes time out of their day to tell me they enjoyed my work <3 <3 i also LOVE when fanfic writers respond to me, so i assume other people do, too

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i am an angst with a happy ending sort of bitch, but probably one of the fics i wrote during the Nothing Much To Do Radio Silence (TM) when we were all losing our minds with no updates. haven't read those in forever, so maybe Something to Do, Someone to Blame? or maybe it isn't cinema that i wrote for Nothing Like the Sun? or maybe Tropes for Keleidotrope?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

gosh, so many. again, i write mostly happy ending stuff, so it's hard to pick just one. maybe my fourth favorite public building to visit, if i had to pick one that hasn't been mentioned already. though after the insects have laid their claim has a VERY happy and corny ending that i will forever be proud of haha

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, thank goodness

9. Do you write smut?

yeah! i'm new to it, but it's a lot of fun

10. Do you write crossovers?

not usually, but i'll stick characters from one universe into a similar universe because something resonates (like Heartstopper Squared or The Quest of the Maddening Mace), but i don't usually write characters meeting or anything like that.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i know of! *fingers crossed*

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no, but if anyone wants to do so, just make sure to tag me in it and go right ahead!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yeah! i have stuff in progress (that we haven't worked on in a while sorry @courfaeriedust) but i've also definitely written collabs that i've published, i think?

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Charles and Edwin from Dead Boy Detectives have such a special place in my heart, and I really hope this hyperfixation doesn't go anywhere, but in terms of pure longevity? Merlin and Arthur from BBC Merlin. I've been reading that shit for a decade. Special shoutout to Alex and Henry from Red, White, and Royal Blue, and Drew and Harrison from Keleidotrope, because I'm still insane about you all too, don't worry.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

THAT IS QUITTER TALK AND I WILL NOT STAND FOR IT. but to give a kind of cutesie answer, i'm not sure i'll ever be done with the libraryverse. there's so much story there, and i keep having ideas for it, so maybe i'll be able to keep playing in it forever. that would be kind of nice.

16. What are your writing strengths?

why are you making me say nice things about myself. why. overall, i think i'm good at dialogue. i actually wrote a whole manuscript in instant messages because i love writing dialogue so much. i'm pretty good at getting into characters' voices, whether they're my own or someone else's, and i find a lot of joy in writing everything from banter to flirting to meaningful conversations (but some of those are easier than others lol)

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

action, descriptions, things that aren't dialogue. i also tend to keep my writing kind of short, so i don't always allow for moments to breathe the way they should.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

woooooof the only other language i speak is hebrew (and not amazingly well) so probably not. if i ever got good enough at another language, maybe? but english is my first and by far my strongest language, so I don't think i'd ever be able to express myself well

19. First fandom you wrote for?

as far as i remember, Lord of the Rings. (no you will never find it.)

20. Favorite fics you’ve written?

HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE, THEY'RE ALL MY CHILDREN. how about this, you tell ME what your fave stories of mine are, because im tired of linking things. and because i thrive on praise lol

i am too lazy to tag people specifically, so anyone who writes fic is welcome to answer!