#this isn't directed at anyone its not anyones fault or anything and i know its not an internet strangers responsibility to give me money

[leeblissy]

......... trying so hard not to e-beg right now but its getting tiring

[missmarveledsblog]

Bet on it ( Bradley Bradshaw x reader ) part 8

summary : jake tries to make things better , while bradley is missing his dream more than the reality . she not so happy their leaving like she thought it would be and someone gets a reality check when he tries to belittle the two aviators in her presence , the kids love the visit and so do she making the goodbye harder

warning : little angst but more fluffy in this one , boss bitch energy , also picture isn't based on readers weight or anything it was just for the sort of chapter cover

previous part

A.N : Not me calling her creepy boss jack daniels ... anywho enjoy

It wasn’t suppose to be this way , he could see both of em hurting  both wanting to put it all aside and yet couldn’t . In reality it was his fault his to start the whole thing , it wasn’t done in  a place of malice or hurt  it was to get two idiots who clearly wanted the other to finally see it . using the guise of being enemies to cover it up . he wasn’t looking for love he would alway stated that from the start but he knew it when he seen it .  so here he was middle of the night knowing he was going to have to make it right . never in his life did he think he would be standing outside a woman’s door ready to plead Bradley Bradshaws case .  she opened door , hair slightly wild , rubbing the sleep out of her eyes ready to open her mouth . he could see the confusion laced in her sleep ridden feature but it couldn’t nor will it wait , his friends were hurting and it was his fault . 

“ we need to talk and yes i know what time it is and no it can’t wait til the morning “ he stood firm only for her to move to the side granting him access  slight relief washed over him as he walked back into the space.  

“ Can i get you a drink “ she finally spoke. 

“ whiskey if it going maybe needed “ he chuckled only for her to shoot him a look . “ water please” he smiled weakly as she nodded . he took it in properly the living space and it was something , it was nice of course , but it was bare. Nothing in the area scream Y/n , it had no personality or sense it was even being lived in except it was clean and dust free . It could be she was working alot or still figuring it all out both plausible . But he knew her to well any place even if the stay was short had its very own stamp of Y/n hell the guest room back home in texas was an example of it or even camping she made it cozy in it own way .  

“ water.. You wanna tell me what was so important to wake me up for ?” she handed the glass taking a seat looking and waiting for the blonde to start talking. 

“ it’s all my fault , my idea all of it , the bet  it was on me so you wanna be mad at anyone be mad at me “ cutting to the chance and swallowing the water down maybe whiskey would of been the better option. 

“ you all played a part in it , you may of set it up , rooster agreed , the guys all sat back and let it happen without even thinking off telling me , only one who wasn’t part of it was nat “ she sighed . 

“ it was because your both too stubborn and it stopped less than a week when he tried being your friend i could see it was no longer a bet to him  and  i goaded him ,  if i knew it was going to lead to two of my closest friends being this miserable it wouldn’t have happen it was stupid and reckless but it was done in good intentions “ he swallowed feeling that lump in his throat as he look at her expression the pain and hurt returning . 

“ he agreed , it was a competition for him , both your need to be overly competitive with each other as always gets someone else hurt , even if it was good intentions jake … look we keep going in circles please stop because as hurt as i am i miss you being my friend “ she felt her head feeling head that slight thumping of the the stress of it all coming back .

“ it was never a bet , i was never in it  to take his bronco or for you to get hurt it was to give a push in the right direction and if i knew it would lead to all this i wouldn’t have done it , but darling it was never one for him everything he felt was real and he still feels it , we’re leaving because he loves you too much to see you hurting  , maybe if you give him a chance you’ll both stop being miserable … oh come home cause we both know this ain’t it “ he stood leaving her sitting there . 

“ thanks i didn’t wanna sleep again tonight anyways “ she groaned dragging her hands down her face , she hated how right he was  about it never be home . 

He didn’t want to wake up , waking up meant facing the nightmarious reality he was living . Where in his dreams , he never fucked up  and still had the best girl in his life  , both still basking in the warm colorful glow  either in the  hard deck or feeling the sand beneath them wrapped up in each other without care in the world. Now awake in reality he was looking up at the ceiling in a place that wasn’t home , hearing the rain belting off the window everything looked so grey here. The city was beautiful but it wasn’t home  , but home wasn’t even home now with her gone.  But he meant every word of what he said he was done fighting for her , that saying “ if you love her let her go “. Even though it was killing him the thought of hurting her more was even worse , knowing  nothing he could do to make it up .  He couldn’t take it back so he knew letting her heal  without him constantly being around would help , again it was going to kill him but maybe he needed it , needed it to learn and grow as a better person one that could maybe be her friend one day in the future .  Packing his bag  and heading out into the living room he was surprised to see jake  already up  giving the blonde came home so late maybe it was two am but he was unsure  just knew it was late. 

“ so we’re really leaving “ he asked looking to bradley’s bags 

“ yep really leaving i mean we can do this and head to the airport after “ he nodded making his way grabbing himself  a coffee . 

“ you’re giving up ?”  

“ no its not giving up it doing what i should of done and stayed away let her heal instead of ripping the scabs off  but i was afraid to accept that like it or not we fucked up and coming here was a bad idea “ he spoke so honestly. 

“ maybe you’re right or maybe your wrong  but you both still love each other man that doesn’t just stop overnight “ the blonde stood  starting to get pissed . 

“ neither does the pain i put her through or the forgiveness so drop it “ he snapped 

 and yet the waver in his voice so filled with heartbreak even jake couldn’t argue more maybe  he was right least they could do one last favor for her maybe down the line they could have a friendship again , didn’t mean he like all of this but he was willing to try it . 

Of course it was a dull grey day , carrying the posterboards and equipment all wrapped up to spare them for the beating of the rain as much as she could. Yet like it was a memo sent out to the people of new york to seemly more be rude and crashing into her  or bumping into everything she help so tightly in her hands . make things worse she could feel someone on her heels wasn’t til she felt a hand on her shoulder readying herself to give the asshole hell to even try her . 

“Easy darling it just us “ she turned to almost relieved to see hangman and rooster standing and in same moment she wanted to bristle at the blonde. Then she took in the sight of their own bags ones she knew meant she wasn’t going to see them much longer a sadness washing over her at such a thought . 

“ so you’re leaving ?” she nodded to the bags swallowing the lump in her throat. 

“ after we help you out we are” jake confirmed 

“ it’s best for us all “ rooster added as she turned away the raindrop using the disguise for her to hide the disappointment building in her. 

“ yeah i guess it is “ she nodded willing herself to look at them . “ isn’t it ?” she thought as the three set off . 

The whole way to the hospital it was silent only sound that was made was of the city and it’s people around them and the rain hitting the ground .  she never been so happy to see the hospital as she was in that moment something to kill the awkward silence . 

“ y/n “ the voice called as she thought her prayers being answered only to see her boss and the prayer thing maybe wasn’t a word she would put on it . 

“ dr. daniels  “ she smiled politely more force in  than she ever did with jake or bradley . something about the sudden shift in the man demeanor or how he was treating her made her skin crawl . it wasn’t like he was genuinely praising her work like a hidden meaning in his words that scream sleazeball , or fact  he hid his wedding ring in his top pocket like it wasn’t noticeable . 

“ please call me jack my dear… oh your little naval buddies “ the condescending tone had her looking at him in a way jake new to well . 

“ oh your whiskey bottle boss” rooster muttered earning a snort coming from her lips . 

“ at work its going to be doctor same goes for marcus and i wouldn’t call them little now sir “ she cover her laugh with a cough as the man didn’t take his eyes off of jake and bradley that she didn’t like . 

“ so navy boys what it like ?” he asked seemly amused by something the three of them clearly didn’t know but were going to understand. 

“ Good sir we like to protect and serve our country “ jake stood taller and straighter making himself appear bigger. 

“ not bad please easy to get into huh got all that brawn ?” he snicker. 

“ actually jake and bradley are very smart  sir it not all brawn and no brain theres more to the navy “ she began to defend as jake still watching her , she may not see him as it but she was still his best friend  and he knew what the signs where when she was pissed and ready to go off. 

“ but not like us dear the mental and intellect and even physical push of our bodies where as they more point shoot, a monkey could do it  “ he snicker thinking she was going to find him hilarious  he could see the brunette ready to speak but she stood pissed before him making the man gulp . 

“Woah mr i pretend i’m not married so i can hit on girl young enough to be my child .. oh yeah genius mind i can see it in your front pocket … point and shoot are you really that dumb , their is so much more to all of it that even you would buckle  . the calculations  , aerodynamic of it all as well as the back biting physical push it hold . they are strong yet but they are smartest people i know  as well as many others that serve . shit you know nothing sitting at home or cheating on your wife while your clearly having some midlife crisis… they make life and death situation that  isn’t just one person at that time it their whole squad from the Weapon system operator to the wingman and make sure you can sleep at night “ she growled at the man ready to walk off only to hear her name being called once more and the  man before her grinning ear to ear. 

“ chief hey good thing your hear…” 

“Hello jeff one second “ he waved him off . 

“ its jack “ he mumbled. 

“ hi sir how are you” she looked up at the man nervous but it wasn’t what they thought . 

“ sir is that how were doing it kiddo “ he laughed nudging her shoulder . 

“ chief blackwood of this fine hospital … this is lietenants bradley rooster  bradshaw and jake hangman seresin “ she introduced the men as the chief excited shaked their hands only for the scof and snicker making her glare at her own boss . 

“ sory the silly nicknames wouldn’t get it here in a intelligent environment filled with scholars and academic like the chief and i .. even you “ . 

“ oh you mean like blackhawk blackwood  whose been a medic for the navy for what is it over what a decade or more” she asked hearing rooster repeating the callsign to himself. 

“ blackwood … charlie blackwood’s brother ?” rooster finally ask glancing to her and the chief as she winced . 

“ has my niece here been bragging about me “ the man chuckled as  her boss loss his humorous  streak and all color to his face. 

“ actually no one knew that your my uncle i didn’t want people think i was a nepo baby which i’m not he didn’t even know i was here til after two weeks “ she clarified . 

“ n-n-nie-niece “ he coughed .

“ would you look  at that a monkey is ruinning the hospital i hope your managing well dearest uncle as it not as easy as pointing and shooting “ she smirked she was savoring the moment she could freak out about people finding out of her uncle later. 

“ i was joking it was all in jest really honestly i hope you didn’t think i was serious i admire all men and women in service “ he rambled . 

“  i wanna see this whole thing since i cleared my morning to , is your dad is town “ chief asked as he lead the three into the hospital ignoring the mans voice calling after. 

“ no just these two  , really the whole morning thinking about reenlisting “ she teased as he laughed and shook  his head  while hangman and rooster stood a little taller after her deafening their honor . 

She left their bags in the breakroom knowing no one would touch the as she carried her laptop and mini projector one she found on amazon couple of year before hand probably one her favorite teach pieces , Seeing marcus helping her uncle and chief of the hospital as well as  rooster and hangman helping set everything up . kids started  passing the room at first trying to get a glance at what was going on first, then fully standing in the entry way only for her to shoo them away  which in turn they would come back and after it became a game til it was time to let them come in . she could see milly already talking to the two aviators knowing her she was definitely interrogating them but she asked something to which rooster nodded making her beam with happiness . room was filling up fast  even the board member start coming in looking around seeing the excited kids and nodding their heads in approval . the head of the department and now wearing his wedding ring doctor daniels still looked nervous as hell barely even looking her way as she began . 

“ ok so today is a special treat since all you guys have been the best patient ever , my two friends all the way from san diego here are going to tell you about flying and being aviators in the navy , don’t worry parents their not here to recruit “ she winked as everyone chuckled and cheer. “ first i will  show you some clips of the boys here in action and slightly showing off “ she whispered to the kids as they all laughed along .  a nod and marcus hit the lights as danger zone played watching the tricks and flying exercises her friends done when she asked for it in her old hospital . the scenes of san diego and people she love made her heart clench . all eyes wide and excited she could see the dad getting into the whole thing too . then when it was over the boys stood front and center talking away from some of their adventure they could talk about to even parts of their jets , answering excited question from kids , parent and even some of the board members . her boss long gone not being able to handle the heat when the boys talked how much you needed to learn  . when it was nearly over rooster shot a thumbs up to milly who ran off excitedly only to come back with the keyboard she spent most days playing with her headphones in as not to disturb the others . 

“ sorry i promised i would play a few songs for my new friend milly here so if you wanna escape nows your chance” rooster joked as the crowd laughed.  Playing away singing songs  kids dancing around singing along even jake was singing along  and four songs later she heard the familiar tune hit her ears . 

“ you shake my nerves and you rattle my brain” he belted out looking over with a fond smile . 

“ too much love drives a man insane” she belted back standing at his side as jake already had his phone pointed the moment bradley started playing it. 

“ you broke my will” she sang  

“But oh what a thrill “ he winked 

“ GOODNESS GRACIOUS GREAT BALLS OF FIRE “  the adults in the room screamed out as the kids laughed away . 

“ i laughed at love cause i thought it was funny “ she sang out losing herself in the moment , 

“ you came along and you moved me honey”  

“ i’ve changed my mind , this love is fine “ they sang together looking at each other like they were the only ones in the room . 

“ GOODNESS GRACIOUS GREAT BALLS OF FIRE” everyone yelled . 

 Two singing away looking like a picture perfect moment as jake smiled looking down at his phone , 

“ hey send me that” marcus smiled as he was talking picture the whole evening for the social media part in hopes to get more to come see the kids . 

“ will do “ he  mouthed as he looked back to his friends . 

The moment she was dreading came after the praise of everyone and the guys it was over as kid went back to their rooms  a lot  happier and tuckered out . she was given her lunch time so she could see them off . she wanted to ask them to stay but part of her couldn’t at same time . But she hugged them this time she was tearing up for a different reason . 

“ i’ll be home for the holidays  maybe we can all hang out again”she said laughing wiping her eyes . 

“ course the hard deck needs to see that duet , shit why haven’t we heard it before “ jake tease hugging her again . 

“ of course we can  be like a tribute act “ rooster smiled a little sadly. 

“ you both look after each other ok “ she hugged them again only tighter and longer this time . 

“ we will … told you this wasn’t home but hey give em hell darling then come home “ jake kissed her head as he headed to the cab. 

“ behave both of you  ,  no joining tribute acts without me “she sniffled as rooster laughed pressing a kiss to her head as a whisper of “ goodbye “ 

She watched as the cab drove off feeling an arm around her shoulder as marcus looked at her sadly tears falling down her face. 

“ it’s happy tears this time promise “ she laughed as they watched the cab disappear . “ we will see them when we both go home” she added as his face lit up . 

“ only 1 year and ten months to go “ he snorted as she was looking to where the cab was . 

“ be no time at all “she whispered and hoped . 

next part

taglist : @peachmartini @shanimallina87 @kawaiiskeletondragonbanana @paisleebubbles @emosrkool

[au-not-alternate]

HELPFUL SIGNS FOR NONVERBAL EPISODES [ASL]

Hey! I know that this isn't at all like what I normally post, but due to something that happened to me recently, I thought it might be a good thing to do.

This is a guide intended to help people who experience nonverbal episodes. I'm not an expert on the subject, nor am I someone who is fluent in American Sign Language, so please take this with a massive grain of salt. I just thought it may be helpful for anyone who wants to be able to communicate with their nonverbal friends, family, partners, etc. Also, while using ASL can be helpful in these circumstances, I really, really recommend taking actual classes in order to communicate better. There are certain grammar rules that you need to know in order to actually be using ASL as opposed to... just using the signs. I guess, in short, look things up for clarification, or, even better, ask someone who's Deaf/actually fluent.

DISCLAIMER: I am not Deaf. Because of that, I'm not a completely accurate source of information. If anything in this guide is wrong or appropriation, PLEASE TELL ME! I don't intend to offend anybody, nor do I want to appropriate Deaf culture.

Firstly: What is being nonverbal? Being nonverbal or nonspeaking is simply what it sounds like: not speaking. It can be triggered by stress, anxiety, sensory overload, or a multitude of other reasons. Depending on the person, it can feel like one is physically unable to speak. Some people may be able to force themselves to speak, but speaking may cause more stress or overstimulation. It can last from under an hour to days at a time.

How can using ASL help? Using American Sign Language as a form of communication during a nonverbal episode can allow for a nonverbal person to be able to communicate without further overstimulating or stressing themself by talking. It can help to make sure that their needs are met and that they can express their feelings more easily.

Alright, so now that I've explained things, let's get on to the signs. I've organized them into categories for convenience; 'basic', 'feelings', 'wants/don't wants', and 'miscellaneous'.

Basic:

me/you, my/your, yes, no, not, stop, want, don't want, please, thank you (me, you, my, and your are directional. The sign is moved towards whoever one is talking about. Not is used to negate other signs, ie. angry + not = not angry, signed in that order.)

Feelings:

sad, angry, overwhelmed, tired, stressed

Wants/Don't Wants:

touch, hug, help, leave, quiet (help is also directional and should be moved towards whoever one is talking about.)

Miscellaneous:

nonverbal, loud, bright, fault, feeling (nonverbal is two signs - 'speak', and 'not'. It's signed as 'not speak'. I couldn't find a resource to show it.)

Resources to learn these signs (and others):

https://www.aslbloom.com/search-for-a-sign

https://www.handspeak.com/

https://www.signingsavvy.com/

SOURCES CITED:

https://medium.com/invisible-illness/what-its-like-to-go-nonverbal-dd4754d008e0

https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/comments/nz8l49/nonverbal_episodes_question/

https://www.nm.org/healthbeat/healthy-tips/nonverbal-autism-what-it-means

[catoslvt]

Tate Langdon x Reader

extremely short.

Unsupportive dad, so there's some angst.

Tw, smoking, family arguments.

As tate and I sit on my bed, we share the cigarette between ourselves as some random show on my TV plays, it's well past midnight and tate was due home hours ago but we always end up getting caught up in laughing fits.

That's what I love about being with tate. He brings out a side of me that nobody has in years, not even Violet.

"We need to shut up." I say through laughs as I press my fingers to his lips, only making us laugh more, but when I hear my dad coming upstairs I quickly put the cigarette out on my jumper and whisper to tate to hide under my bed, which he does, and I begin to spray my perfume to hide the reek of cigarette smoke only meer seconds before my dad barges in.

"Where is he?" My dad booms as he practically takes the door off of its hinges.

"Who?" I ask with a small laugh, motioning to my extremely empty room.

"I heard you both laughing y/n! I'm not stupid. Where is tate!?" He yells, and I just blink at him a few times.

"Dad, I don't know what you're talking about, Tate isn't here, I was laughing at the TV show. There's a laughing track on it. You must've just heard that." I argue and he shakes his head.

"I do not want you seeing tate ever! If I find out you're talking at school no matter what the situation is, I will move you y/n, he's dangerous. He will hurt you." My dad states, and I just stare at him with pure hurt.

"You can't do that. You can't just be mean about tate just because we're in a happy relationship whilst you and mom are inching closer and closer to a divorce each day!" I yell, and he walks closer to my bed pointing a stern finger in my direction.

"Do not talk to me like that! I am your father, and you'll do as I say. I hate that boy, y/n! And if I catch you with him or even have a suspicion that you two are together in any way, shape, or form, I'll storm over to his moms' house and tell her to keep her freak son away from my perfect daughter!" He screams before he walks out, slamming my door behind him, and I feel his footsteps boom down the stairs before I hear his office door slam shut. He doesn't approve of our relationship, but yet he has to sleep in his office?

"Tate, you can come out now." I whisper, and as tate climbs onto my bed, his face is now red from tears and he's sniffing slightly.

"Your dad hates me that much?" He asks as I grab his face and stare at him.

"Tate, no, it's not your fault. He thinks all of his patients are bad." I tell him as I gently stroke his face and he stares at me and shakes his head.

"He thinks I'm going to hurt you y/n, I'd never do anything to hurt you or anyone you love, you do know that, don't you?" He asks, his tears spilling more and more, and I wipe each and every one away with my fingers.

"My dad's just a prick tate. You already know this, and I know you'll never hurt me." I tell him, pressing a small kiss to the tip of your nose.

"I love you so much, y/n, you changed me." Tate promises, and I kiss him on the lips over and over until we're both laughing and smiling again, tates tears now nowhere to be seen.

"I love you too tate." I say.

[nikethestatue]

I know I've been negative lately, and pretty SJM critical, and I want to apologise for that. I know people dont want to come and hear others moaning all the time.

I do want to reiterate one thing. And that's important.

My moaning and complaining is NOT related to any ships. Aka, no, I do not think that SJM is going with Gwynriel or Elucien or anything like that. So in case anyone is worried and thinking, oh, shit, Nike isn't sure about Elriel and endgame--not at all. HOFAS, in fact, for all its faults, gave me more confidence in Elriel.

However, what I am mostly unhappy about is just the quality and the direction of SJM's writing. My worry isn't about Elriel, my worry is whether she'll be able to write a decent book about Elain and Azriel.

What gives me hope is that she knows that she completely fucked up Nesta's story and now she is doing all these backward somersaults in order to add to her story and make it complete. So hopefully, she is on the right track with Elain and won't make the same mistakes again. What doesn't give me hope is the mess that HOFAS was.

And that's where I struggle--I don't understand what SJM's writing situation is right now, and that frustrates me.

But yeah...No worries about Elriel, actually.

[trancylovecraft]

Is it ok to get a yandere Bloberta too now that we got Clay and Joe? I rarely seen any moral Orel x reader stuff.

• Bloberta isn't as bad as Clay she certainly gives him a run for his money in some aspects.

• If we're looking at a traditional yandere (Killings, The mirai nikki pose, “If I can't have you, no one can”) kind of deal then Bloberta would come pretty close to that.

• She’s Obsessive, Clingy, Jealous and Violent.

• Obsessive in the way that she just needs to know everything about you. Your shampoo brand, Your favourite meal, Your daily schedule. Anything and everything.

• Clingy in the way that she feels like she can't breathe when she’s not by your side. This also ties into stalking, She will follow you about to your workplace, to get groceries or just simply on a walk. This ties both into her obsessive behaviour and clinginess.

• And Jealous, That ties into violent. She will not tolerate any competition whatsoever. She will get aggressive and instantly try to take whoever it is out of the picture. This will make her most likely to be caught by you or someone else due to the sheer thoughtless rage she would be in.

• She loves you so much that you're the only thing on her mind 24/7. She scribbles your name over and over on paper. Buys your perfume so she can smell like you. Steal little things from you, Things you won't miss but would look the world to her.

• Bloberta believes you can do no wrong. If you do happen to mess up then she’ll blame it on an external force.

• You try to break up with her? Someone is forcing you to. You knock over a plate on accident? Her fault, She shouldn't of put it there.

• This all stems back to her childhood. Her family thought she was a disappointment, She had no friends and was lonely all the time.

• So when you come into her life and give her the tiniest bit of attention and praise that doesn't involve her husband or her family? She’s obsessed.

• It’s the opposite of the clay scenario where she's trying to be the perfect housewife for you. All so you wont leave her.

• If you do actually leave her then it will be an absolute shit show. People will be hurt, Things will get damaged and she will go insane trying to get you back.

• Whatever subtly she use to have while stalking you is thrown out the window.  She will show up at your work with a bouquet of your favourite flowers all while looking disheveled and desperate. She will beg you to take her back, Cry at your feet and sob.

• Her violent tendencies also skyrocket. Anyone around you is not safe. It is on sight, No matter who it is she will attack whether it be your new partner, Your boss, A friendly co worker or a random stranger who asked you for directions.

• She’ll probably go to jail to be honest. In there she’ll think about you everyday. She misses you and would fall into a depressive state until it gets too much for her and she just.. Offs herself.

• However if you do get into a relationship with her its pretty amazing.

• While the jealousy is still there its very much turned down. She knows she has you.

• She’ll buy you gifts both big and small extremely often. If you see something in a window you like she’ll purchase it later for you.

• She’ll want to spend a lot of time with you and actively make plans and holidays for the two of you can go on

• She’d never want to leave your side and would always be touching you in some sort of way

• Physical touch is also a big thing. Hold her hand, Hug her, Cuddle on the couch and be the one to initiate affection and she’ll melt.

• Words of affection is a big one too. Call her pretty in the mornings, Compliment her new dress and she might just overheat.

• She also compliments you back so much. On your job, Appearance , Personality. She loves it all 

• She would want to start a family with you. If you're a girl or don't have the means to get biological kids then she’ll happily adopt and treat them as her own.

• While her tendencies are still there while in a relationship they are very heavily watered down. They only really appear is when your not in a relationship or you're going through a rough patch

• Overall can be just as bad as clay, but has the chance to be the sweetest girlfriend alive

[jasminedragonart]

My goal for this year is to read more books. There were a lot of books I avoided when I was younger just because I thought they weren't for me. I'm starting to realise that a lot of books are and it just wasn't time for me to read them yet. Others I've found are as badly written as I thought they would be and it makes me question why I want to read books by author's I haven't read from before.

Anyway, so far the books I've read that I've enjoyed are:

The Wheel of Time: Books 1 and 2. I have book 3 and plan to read it, however I fond out that this is an unfinished series since the author died. While it is technically finished, it was finished by Brandon Sanderson and while I have his books on my reading list, I don't think reading without Robert Jordan's penmanship will really bring justice to the world I've invested in. THAT BEING SAID, the first two books are SO good. I picked this book up by chance when I was away last year and put it back because the blurb was the vaguest thing I've ever seen. Except, then it haunted me once I heard there was a TV show. I haven't watched it, nor do I plan to since they seemed to have taken it in a different direction. But if you're looking for a good fantasy series to read, even if it's just the first few books, this one hasn't let me down yet.

The Raven Boys: I haven't finished this one yet but the book is good so far. I have the other 3 on the way that's how invested in this series I am right now. I've read other works by this author before, the Shiver one, and while I don't remember hating it I don't remember liking that one much. This book is good though. I'm enjoying it.

The Neverending Story: This one I enjoyed reading but I found that it's definitely a children's book. I picked it up in the hopes to read this to my niece when she's a little older. I thought it wouldn't be until she was around 10 before I could read this with her, but I'm happy that it's simple enough that I'll be able to read it to her maybe when she's around 3-7 Not too scary, not too detailed and while the movie is phenomenal, I really enjoyed this book as well.

The Folk of the Air series: I read them all. There were things in this I enjoyed. I liked the world building of the faerie realm. I also enjoyed some of the politics. But the book had its faults too. It's very teenager-ish. Which isn't inherently bad. The Raven Boys is proving to be better at it though. Jude and Cardan were... at times hard to read. It was quite predictable at times and it's not the best enemies to lovers book out there but I managed to finish it and I did enjoy it. It's something I would recommend to people, but not something I would rave about like I would the Wheel of Time.

I'm looking for other books to read after this. So far my list is:

The rest of the Raven Cycle (3 books) The Way of Kings series (These are so long and there's like 4 books) The Wheel of Time (Book 3 and maybe 4) God of War Inkheart

If there's anything else you would recommend let me know. If anyone has read any Robin Hobb books let me know if they're any good, I'm looking for a good fantasy series.

Also also if anyone knows if someone has written a Davy Jones and Calypso book let me know. I wish Disney had decided to do a prequel on them or at least release a book but I have yet to find one.

[sophieinwonderland]

Wishing for anti-endos to loose all their friends and spaces and to be ostracized does not help pro-endos. It makes anti-endos even more set in their beliefs. It makes people who are on the fence go "yikes, I guess the anti-endos are right". I'm firmly pro-endo and your recent post makes me want to take some distance. This isn't how we gain allies.

I know, these people suck. I know, it hurts to constantly be excluded and hated for the way our brains work or the reason why they work that way. I know, many anti-endos are too far gone and aren't people that you or I can reason with unless they decide to unpack their shitty beliefs.

But posts threatening them is not the way to go. They already see us as the enemy. We don't need to add fuel to the fire. Let's make sure people who are on the fence or who don't know much about non-traumagenic systems see us acting in ways that make them want to listen to our side instead of the fakeclaimers. Let's make sure anti-endos who are starting to rethink their beliefs feel like it's safe for them to do so and to start listening to pro-endos.

I'm sure this post is gonna get lots of interaction. But if it makes people less likely to read your studies, to listen to your arguments, to hear out the systems messaging you about their experiences? That's all for nothing.

I... actually think adding fuel to a fire can be useful sometimes. As long as you can keep it a controlled burn.

I'm counting on most anti-endos on Tumblr who would be scrolling through the syscourse tag already having me blocked. They won't see my post.

I'm counting on neutrals probably not following my blog or the syscourse tag either one. And most of those that do follow syscourse have already made their minds up about me.

I made that post for a very specific audience. One that doesn't actually need anyone to fuel its fire because they've built an entire community on seeking out systems to mock and attack. They already cherry pick the worst posts they can find to keep their friend group indoctrinated. So adding one more to the pile shouldn't matter to that specific group.

I don't think anything I say is actually going to make them hate the endogenic community more than they already do because they're surrounded constantly by people who will always reinforce that very generalized hate.

But I do think I can direct that hate they already have. Focus it as much as possible on one specific person. Me.

And the more they see me as a threat, (whether or not I am,) the more hateful they respond to me, the more their community will crack.

Users will be more likely to break their rules, making moderation in their subreddit more difficult for the unpaid mod team who will hopefully start rethinking how much of their life they want to dedicate to a hatesub moderating an angry userbase with nothing to show for it.

And while a slim hope, I'm waiting for them to be pushed far enough for Reddit to ban the whole subreddit.

So yeah. I don’t mind tossing as much fuel on the fire as possible if there's a chance their ableist hatesub burns.

Besides... I'm not actually saying anything untrue.

Plurality IS going to become more accepted. They ARE losing the scientific argument. And anti-endos and cringizens WILL lose friends and community support as plural acceptance spreads unless they're willing to change. A safe space for endogenic systems can never be one that houses anti-endos.

This is not a threat. This is a promise. It's a natural result of progress. And I'll do my part to accelerate this. But it's going to happen with or without my involvement.

I'm just making sure that when it does and they go looking for someone to blame because things have gone bad in their lives and their bigotry caught up with them, they'll direct their anger toward me instead of anyone else.

(Although maybe they can direct it inwards too since, you know, it was their fault for being bigots. But I think that would be too much to ask for.)

[archivalofsins]

I feel like there are some who need a reminder that Milgram isn't responsible for how they respond to it.

For example, if someone is direct messaging, spam reporting, block evading, creating entire superstitions, parroting nationalistic talking points, parroting racist talking points, and over all treating fictitious characters like they matter more than real people then they should have been reflecting on themselves long before Milgram started and I hope they do some day. Honestly, I really don't want people to forget how many within this community have chosen to behave over a show. Maybe it's petty, and it's definitely due to how I've personally been directly impacted by this behavior.

Yet, I think people believe they get an "I can treat others however I want" card because that's, "How milgram is it was made to be divisive if people can't handle that don't talk about it or block lol", "I don't have to respect anyone it's not that serious", "Others just need to think about my feelings and how the way they talk about these topics make me feel. It's others' fault for making the little amount of "real fans" of the series look even worse by talking about bad things the characters may have done."

I don't know how to explain to people that's not how anything works anymore, and I actively hope the people who have behaved this way and negatively impacted others feel ashamed of their actions. Honestly, the shit I know that some of the people here have for sure done is absolutely disgusting. Either way, it's good to have a myriad of examples about how not to act in fandom. Even though the easiest way to avoid being a total piece of shit is to remember that this space is shared with other people who have feelings too and being considerate of that fact.

Because no media is responsible for how a person chooses to act in real life even if they are reacting to it. Believing that is as good as saying it's the books fault it was banned.

I react the way I do to Milgram because I like it and want to talk about it. I talk about the things I do because I care about Milgram, and I care about the things I've talked about it through it. The series isn't holding a gun to my head, forcing me to. To me, this is not a fight against anyone else's opinions. I'm not talking about things in order to defend myself when I'm discussing Milgram.

It is completely different when I talk about the real-life actions of others within this fandom that have negatively impacted me. Those people aren't Milgram, regardless of how much they act like they're in the series themselves.

Let's be serious for a moment. Individuals who act in these ways and fandoms that behave this way are not the media itself. This is why a lot of people have learned to separate a piece of media from its fandom. This isn't the medias fault. It's just a portion of the audience who are a bit too immature to handle the material in a way that is not harmful to others or themselves. It's up to the individual to reexamine how they engage with media and whether it's healthy or not.

"Well, if you really think about it, this is how this is all Milgram's fault."

No one can do that for them, but we can all recognize that treating others poorly is a rancid way to respond to fiction, and there's a sort of entitlement to believing it's not. Right out the gate, Jackalope said he and by proxy Milgram aren't responsible for anything that happens and people are still going,

Like legitimately I had to mediate a falling out in the kagepro fandom in like 2014 due to a couple breaking up and one of the people in said relationship deciding to harrass the other online. The person doing the harrassment legit told me,

It's no surprise that the people who treat others like this under the guise of anonymity or behind the scenes while going around presenting themselves publicly as safe spaces for pocs, lgbtqia, neurodivergent and other basic stuff- Acting all nice, sending people birthday wishes, and going it's all in good fun while simultaneously sending very purposeful and targeted harassment to people for talking about a piece of fiction have issues taking accountability for themselves. Everything they do and how they do it is to avoid having to take accountability ever. At least, that's what seeing others behave that way has led me to believe.

Not even here but in other fandoms as well. I recognized early on that a lot of people don't even view other individuals online as real. They can easily say things like, "I'm not your friend, family, I don't know you, and you don't know me. So, I don't have to care about your feelings."

"Well, you know how it is. It was just an online relationship it wasn't meant to be anything serious even if I said we were dating. It was just something to kill time, really. Isn't it weird that they took it so seriously lol creepy."

I at nineteen knew this was a fucked up way to treat someone else's feelings. I knew it was even worse to then consistently portray this other person as stalking them online to their hundred of followers even though that wasn't true. I also knew my friend didn't want to be involved with this any longer. That it was just getting them more harrassment and each time they would get comfortable online again like clockwork here came bozo the clown with another tumblr post about how they're so uncomfy with their crazy stalker having internet access at all actually or just continuing to use their blog instead of moving to a new one. Or making/assisting with the creations of animatics. I'm very aware of how people like this who announce themselves as safe spaces that care about everyone and never want to hurt anybody really are behind closed doors. One has to either be naive or a special sort of manipulative to feel the need to announce that they are, in fact, a special sort of decent or good human being that all marginalized groups are safe around.

The only thing seeing people behave like this has taught me is that legitimately, there's always going to be bad actors like that. It's annoying, but to an extent, I'm also very happy that I've managed to create an atmosphere where people like that will escort themselves far away from me. Because being in it is worse than being outside of it by miles.

People like this tend to forget that actions speak louder than words. Some truly believe that just putting that in a bio is help enough, and regardless of how they treat real people at the end of the day, they're still doing their part. All because they said they are. I'm aware of this sort of thinking because my first fandom experiences online was a fucking kagepro rp one. I got to see people argue over how rping ocs was lesser than rping canon characters and dogpile on one user because they mistakenly dated the most toxic person on earth at the time.

The people causing these issues at the time, just like now, were all early college age. The person they were dogpiling on for this shit and the people they were having mediate high schoolers. The only other adult there was me, which is why I was asked to mediate later because me and this person were the same age. So, this is not my first fandom bullshit show.

[schmedterlingfreud]

May I ask what is your stance on feminism?

Sure! It makes me vomit, plain and simple.

I think modern feminism bases its narrative on shitting on the backs of what men have built for women and with women through the history of mankind.

Modern feminists are nothing more than ungrateful whiney brats, accommodated by a decaying society that right now needs strong men more than ever. They are hypocrites who scream at Patriarchy in a Western society, from their privileged homes and positions, without ever spending a single word to denounce those Countries and cultures that kill women just for the guilt of showing their hair.

I'm tired of living in a society that accommodates women like them, a society that puts them in positions they don't deserve just because they are women and not because of their true merits. And we all see the consequences, right? Plane crashes, forests on fire, collapsed bridges. Modern feminism isn't about equality,  it's about sinking men in favor of women who don't deserve to take their place.

I'm sick and tired of double standards. I'm tired of seeing men and the Patriarchy blamed for every flaw in modern society, and I'm tired of seeing children educated under this narrative. Girls are taught that they are capable of anything, that they are unique and special (spolier alert: we are not), while boys are only taught not to be Toxic.

Every day I see the world moving forward in this direction, and I am terrified by the thought of living in a world ruled by these so called progressive women. It literally makes me puke how the mainstream media, Hollywood, and corporations brainwash the younger generations into believing that a world governed by women would be more just, equal and ideal. Anyone who has worked with women even for just a day knows that this is not the case.

Women may fight many enemies, true, but I've always thought that women themselves are women's first and most feared enemies.

I'm speaking too much from my personal experiences? Maybe? But honestly I don't care anymore. In fact, I have always suffered the greatest cruelty and injustices from women hands. I have never seen those much vaunted qualities in practice: solidarity, collaboration, justice, sensitivity.

"Boo-ohh, but it's not their fault, it's the Patriarchal Society that pushes women to behave like this"

No! Fuck this shit! Women can be mean, cruel, stupid, useless, and our behavior is our responsibility, period.

... e ora vediamo quanto ci impiega l'amabile e tollerantissimo tumblr a bannarmi per aver osato parlare male delle femministe :D

[beevean]

Agree to disagree with you on forces vs Frontiers, I feel Frontiers was an improvement however I hope your opinion in it is sincere cause sometimes I see a lot of " WOW forces is way better then Frontiers actually "" and it mostly seems to just people hating it more because Flynn is involved, rather then a honest opinion about both games. Also not gonna convince me Infinite's theme is better then Vandalize, that one slams :P

Funny that you mention it, because I was actually accused of this. And, to be fair, I did groan when they revealed that Flynn would have written the game's story, so I understand why the assumption is that I'm unfairly biased 😂

But the thing is that we don't fully know what was his role in the writing: from what I got, he wrote the script for an already established plot. And if that's true, I can blame him for things like the constant references or Sonic's buffy speak, but I can't blame him for much more substantial issues like the general emptiness of the story or Eggman's role. I'm also taking the game's rushed, crunched development into account, which obviously isn't anyone's fault but SEGA. And ofc the flat voice direction kills the writing even more, and that is not the writers' fault. It's a mix of things, and Flynn is not the scapegoat here.

The little minority that is defending Forces mostly comes from a place of backlash against years of the Sonic community treating it like the worst thing that has happened in the franchise, replacing '06 with it as the acceptable punching bag (esp now that '06 is approaching its 20th anniversary and thus getting the "actually it was underrated" treatment), even going so far as insult the few fans of it implying that they're stupid or children (ah, Sonic Stadium is a wonderful place). It is tangentially related to Flynn because IDW came out a little after Forces did, and it was taken as proof that he's a near perfect writer that can do no wrong and oh wow it's so much better than the stupid pontaff games, sega hire this man asap. After six years, almost seven, it's safe to say that Forces, while far from being perfect and surely with a ton of flaws in its plot and execution of it, is not the absolute disaster that it was painted to be... and I personally think that Frontiers, a game that really comes off as wanting to be praised for being "a step in the right direction", and a game whose story was immensely praised and that praise put squarely on Flynn, really isn't in the things that matter.

(story wise, I mean. The gameplay is another matter, and I can't judge it. I have mixed opinions on the "open zone" style.)

And hey, Vandalize is cool! I never said anything of the contrary :P I'm only perplexed as to why it was associated with Sonic in the first place, since it's a song about a crumbling toxic relationship (lmao at the fans who thought it would be about Sonamy). But most songs from Frontiers are complete slappers, and I found myself singing Vandalize and Undefeatable for months :P I like both OSTs, they're different and they both have their highs and downs.

[rebel-walnut]

Let's Do The Time Warp Again

Steddie Season 3 time travel fic, Part 5

Ao3, Pt. 1, Pt.2, Pt.3, Pt.4, Pt.6

Every time Steve looks up from his and Dustin's shared booth he sees Eddie break another health code violation. While he accepted Steve's generous gift of his very own prized sailor hat, Eddie's left his hair down and unruly beneath it, right in reach of the ice cream tubs. There's been no complaints yet, but it's only a matter of time before he drags all the curls on the left side of his head through the untouched tub of rum raisin. 

Eddie catches Steve staring and throws a wave of his ring clad fingers at him -which is another health code violation it should be noted, the manual was very clear about no hand jewelry getting in the way of serving U.S.S. Butterscotch's- and keeps eye contact over his shoulder as he heads to the freezer in the back for another tub of vanilla. As he turns Steve spots a familiar flash of black hanging out of the pocket of Eddie's borrowed sailor shorts, because of course he still has his bandana in his pocket even in this stupid costume. 

So if we're keeping track of rule breaks and health code violations, that's long hair, rings (and his dangling guitar pick necklace), his stupid bandana, and just general uncleanliness. Oh, and he's covering his name tag with a pin off his vest that says WASP. Let it be known that Steve Harrington is not handing over his scooper willingly, ladies and gentlemen. It's purely out of necessity.

The worst part though in Steve's opinion is that the strange hodgepodge of nautical-meets-metalhead is sort of working. By all laws of the Harrington Charm, it shouldn't work together. Hell, even the nautical elements on its own did nothing to help Steve's game. Probably hurt it, if anything. Yet here Eddie is, replacing the vanilla with the weirdest outfit mashup in history, sucking the ice cream off his thumb (unhygienic by the way) from replacing the bin in such a way that has three girls in a booth across the shop giggling and blushing. Maybe time travel isn't the weirdest thing that's happened today, maybe it's Eddie Munson emanating charm left and right through the power of metal, tattoos, and cheap polyester sailor costumes with Steve's name on them.

Eddie looks back up to Steve as he pops his thumb out of his mouth, his head falling to the side and his eyebrows quirking up when he sees Steve staring. Steve feels a familiar heat rise to his ears and his cheeks for reasons that he's not quite sure of.

"...even listening? Steve? STEVE!"

Every head in the shop snaps to Dustin and his expecting stare directed at Steve. After a moment, chatter starts up again and Steve turns back to Dustin. "Dude, what. Quit yelling."

"Not my fault you're too busy staring at Robin instead of answering my very important questions that could frankly save the universe, Jesus Steven, try to keep up instead of ogling your coworker."

"What?! I'm not staring at Robin, gross."

"Ok, I get it, just because she wasn't popular in high school means you can't-" Steve clamps a hand over Dustin's mouth and suppresses a gag at the thought of him and Robin. Sure, he liked her before, but now? Robin?

"I'll cut you some slack since technically you don't remember this conversation, but we've had it before, and Robin and I will never be a thing. May as well get that out of the way now- hey!" Steve pulls his hand back from Dustin's mouth as Dustin sticks his tongue out and contaminates Steve's palm. "Didn't anyone teach you manners? I know Claudia did," Dustin's smug little look is back the second Steve's hand is away.

"Didn't anyone teach you to pay attention when your friends are trying to help you save the world? As I was saying," He drops one of his grubby fingers onto the whiteboard where Steve's written as much information about the Mindflayer as he can remember. "You said there's only one gate this year, the one from the Russians. That's how the Mindflayer was activated. But," He slides his finger over to Steve's information about the gates in '86. "Next year there's three from the kids that died, plus whatever gates opened up in the earthquake that you and Eddie fell through. Meaning, we only have one gate to send you through this time unless we can open another one."

"You think we could do that? Open another one?"

Dustin grimaces as he rolls over the options in his head. "Maybe El could since she opened the first one and she closed the gate last year, but we don't necessarily need a different gate. We just need the gate to not be guarded by, well, evil Russians."

Steve reads over the writing on the board, going through the details that he remembers from the Russians as well as the Mindflayer and the Upside Down stuff, but since he was trapped in a Russian bunker for most of it there's clearly less writing on that side of the board. "God, we really need El," Steve says as he scrubs a hand down his face. "She comes in tomorrow with Max I think, so we can all talk to her then. We still have a few days before shit really hits the fan, today and tomorrow I don't think anything really happens that I can remember."

Steve's watch is flashing 1:07 PM. Eddie's been handling the lunch rush for about an hour and a half, and as much as Steve is enjoying witnessing Eddie's complete lack of health and safety competence, there's not much more Steve can add to the board. They've covered everything with the Russians from the gate to their torture devices, and Steve has down everything he remembers about the Mindflayer and it's victims. There's a small section in the bottom right with the locations of the gates in '86 and what Steve knows about Vecna (which is not much if he's being honest), but at least one concussion every year starts to take a toll on your memory. 

Steve looks over to see Eddie struggling with a strawberry cone as Robin rings up a little girl and her grandmother, half his scoop falling over the side of the cone as he tries to push it back in with the edge of the scooper. His meddling ends up cracking the cone as the scooper breaks through the wafer instead of gently nudging the ice cream, and Steve has to suppress a snort at the disaster that is Eddie Munson trying to work at Scoops Ahoy. 

Steve slides out of the booth and leaves Dustin to contemplate the board, rounding the corner of the front counter and sliding a hand over Eddie's shoulder before leaning in close. "You're off duty, sailor," Steve says just quiet enough for Eddie to hear, taking the scooper from his hand.

"Thank fuck," Eddie says in return not as quietly as he should have, given the small child standing right in front of the counter. Eddie's fingers brush the small of Steve's back as slides behind him and Steve tries not to light up at the contact. In a practiced motion, he replaces the disaster strawberry cone that Eddie was trying to make (and adding a little extra on top to make up for Eddie saying fuck) and hands it off to Robin, his eyes still on Eddie tentatively taking a seat with Dustin at the booth. 

Robin gives him another quizzical stare as she finishes up with the girl and her grandmother, only a couple other people still milling around the shop after the rush. 

The last hour of Steve's shift goes by uneventfully. Dustin spends the remainder of his time at the shop alternating between grilling Steve for details that he doesn't have and demanding more root beer floats. Eddie sits across from him and distracts him with rambles about his latest D&D campaign which seems to be about sixty percent effective at getting Dustin off Steve's back during work hours. 

Steve finishes wiping down the booths lining the wall before going to join Eddie and Dustin at the table, drying his hands and flipping the rag over his shoulder. There's a little doodle of what Steve thinks is supposed to be a demo-bat in the corner of the board, with an arrow pointing to it that says 'flesh eating.' Steve drops his finger down beside it. "Those little shits did a number on me and Eddie," Eddie, still in his sailor hat, looks up to meet Steve's eyes.

"Not in this timeline Harrington, my skin's smooth as a baby," Eddie lifts the edge of his shirt to expose a sliver of skin that should be puckered with fresh wounds and weeping bites, but is instead only one shade of pale with a small smattering of freckles. He pats his shirt as he lays it back down and Steve almost misses the small tremor in Eddie's fingers. "Which, speaking of, we should find a way to keep that from happening this time."

"Well, so far there's been no real consequences of us being here. I don't wanna push that theory too far, and I don't know if going back will put us back in our original timeline or this one, but I think we're safe enough to talk to El and see if there's anything we can do," Dustin's got his thinking face back on at Steve's words, but surprisingly says nothing even when Steve nudges his shoulder. "My shift's over anyways, so we can just lay low for the rest of the day until we can talk with El tomorrow."

Eddie's still staring at his hands as he slides out of the seat, watching as the door closes behind the last customer in the shop. "So like, we just go home? That's it? Hope the world doesn't explode?" Eddie glances around the four of them in the midst of his gesturing, Robin joining them at the front of the store.

"Pretty much," Steve says as he bumps Eddie's shoulder in what he hopes is a comforting gesture. "We can't do anything right now, and we don't wanna mess with things more than we already have. The Russians can wait a day for us to get our shit together before we get Owens and Hopper involved," Steve's chest twinges at the reminder that he'll be facing Hopper again after not seeing him for a year. 

"Oh, wait-" Steve starts as he grabs the marker off the whiteboard, grabbing Eddie's arm and flipping it to the blank canvas of his inner forearm instead of the bats adorning the rest. He uncaps the marker with his teeth and starts scrawling as small as he can, Eddie's stare boring into the side of Steve's head as he writes. With a small flourish he caps the pen with one hand and throws it back to the table, keeping Eddie's wrist in a vice grip.

"There. My address and my phone number," Steve tightens his grip and stares back at Eddie. "If anything happens, even if you think it's nothing, you tell me. Call me, find me, whatever. Just tell me," he squeezes Eddie's wrist once more for emphasis before dropping it, but Eddie keeps it held in the air. He ghosts his fingers over Steve's writing before glancing back to Steve, his stare burning. Eddie gives a slow solemn nod and Steve is sent back to just before everything went to shit, when Eddie nodded just like that and said 'make him pay' and fuck Steve tried, but it's never enough, is it. Except this time Eddie's in front of him with his skin intact, and maybe Steve shouldn't believe the nod this time around, but he finds himself swaying into Eddie's space anyways.

During the drive home Steve keeps expecting a gate to open up in the middle of the road that swallows the beemer whole and dumps him back into hell, but despite all of his antsy stares and white knuckling Hawkins remains mundane.

Fatigue sweeps over him easily as soon as the front door is open, Steve only stopping momentarily to grab a beer from the fridge and popping the tab with his teeth as he settles onto the couch. His eyelids blink heavy, the beer quickly forgotten in his hand while the force of sleep continues to pull him under like a hand holding his head underwater. 

Steve's lying in a black room, a thin sheet of water covering the floor. Or maybe he's floating on the surface, he can't tell. The black stretches on in every direction as far as he can see, and what Steve thought were walls continue to be nothing but void as he sits up and reaches for a perimeter. He pushes himself to his feet and tries to grab for a wall again, but still nothing.

A sharp whistling noise starts out small in the back of his head as Steve walks farther from where he was laying, quickly suffocating any other sense of sound and burrowing in behind his eyes. He clutches at his temples as a noiseless scream rips itself from his throat, the whistling carving itself a permanent place in his skull.

There's a pressure at Steve's feet that's working its way around his ankles, leaving behind a trail of cold that seeps into his bones. He manages his eyes open a crack to see the floor shift from water into a swirling mass of vines that writhe and breathe together as one. They swell in the center and slide over each other as they make their way to Steve, streaking Steve's skin with a familiar blackish-blue slime as he struggles to free his legs. 

One of the vines shoots out from the mass covering his feet and latches itself around his wrist, pulling him onto his knees. The vines work their way around his hips and up to his chest with a strange suction that keeps Steve from moving. They pull his arms behind his back and wrap themselves around his wrists and his fingers while one starts the slide up the side of his neck. He tries to scream again but he can't hear past the whistling to tell if it worked. 

The whistling fades into a deep hum, still loud enough to hide any other noise but less piercing to the point that Steve can think again. A scratching sensation weaves itself up his spine and circles around the crown of his head before settling at his ears. The scratch warbles and combines with the deep hum, hissing and choking in his ears as it forms words out of air.

"You don't belong here," it screeches in three different octaves. "But I can use you anyways," Steve yanks against the vines holding his wrists to no avail, glancing between the vines for any sort of gap he can use. He catches a figure off to his right that seems to be another mound of vines writhing over each other, but it's too dark to make out any details. 

"You will make a great addition to my army," Steve is drowning in the hissing and mumbling of the voice, choking on it like smoke and struggling to breathe. The vine that was resting on his neck springs to life and pulls away from his skin with a sharp release, then plunges itself back towards Steve as the tip of the vine splits open into five different segments and latches over Steve's mouth. It's a frigid shock to the system as the slime and suction pulls Steve's conscious into the vine with no air to-

-breathe. Steve's lungs wrack with shuddering breaths as he shoots upright, the beer can falling to the hardwood floor with a crack. His hands fly to grip over his mouth and his neck in search of the vines that were there just a moment ago. His tremor ridden fingers find nothing, despite the rotten and gritty taste that's lingering on his tongue. 

He stumbles up from the couch and into the kitchen, hitting the door on the way in his frantic stupor. Steve wastes no time scooping tap water into his mouth to rinse out the foul taste that -while probably a phantom taste- plagues his senses nonetheless. He's gulping down his fifth mouthful of water when the phone rings.

Steve rounds the kitchen counter and pulls the phone off the stand, not entirely sure if his voice will come when he calls.

"Steve?" Eddie's voice is timid and shaky on the other side, matching Steve's own tremor. It takes Steve two tries to form words around his tongue.

"Eddie? What's wrong?"

"I-" Steve hears Eddie swallow over the line, can hear the ragged panic in his voice, too. "I had a dream."

_____

TAG LIST (reply to be added): @estrellami-1 @melodymeddler @songbird-garden @gregre369 @croatoan-like-its-hot @messrs-weasley @bestwifehaver @mediguro @goodolefashionedloverboi @huniiibee @rhyswritesreadsandcries @i-have-three-feelings @mightbeasleep @grtwdsmwhr @hirikka @starlight-archer @clumsiluni @celestialrebel1

[rillils]

no bc its gonna take so long before he gets to see those beautiful beautiful eyes again and im not fine

THE MOMENT OF REALIZATION ON HIS FACE THAT HE COULD POSSIBLY NEVER SEE THOSE EYES AGAIN

THE MOMENT OF REALIZATION THAT HE MADE A MISTAKE AND ITS HIS FAULT

KILLLL MEEEEEE

god that's possibly the most heartbreaking moment of that entire scene

you know, I think, when he tells Crowley "Nothing lasts forever", and Crowley eventually replies with this really really soft "No, I don't suppose it does", for a second there Aziraphale thinks he's actually agreeing with him - that he's finally got through to Crowley, that Crowley understands what he meant ("I'm more than willing to leave this entire world behind, including my beloved bookshop, if it means that I get to be with you forever") and now Crowley's gonna slip his glasses back on and they're going to leave together

but then, instead of taking his arm and saying "alrighty, let's go angel", Crowley says "Good luck" and walks away on his own, leaving Aziraphale behind

that's the moment it truly dawns on him that this conversation went in an entirely opposite direction than he thought it was going up until now, and it fucking hurtssssssss

because this is it. this is the last time they'll ever see each other, isn't it, if he's going back to Heaven and Crowley's staying on Earth. this is their last conversation, the last time he'll ever hear Crowley call him Angel, the last time he'll ever get to see Crowley's eyes, open and exposed. like fuck it all, they're losing each other!!! he's losing the only being who's stayed by his side for the last 6 fucking millennia! the one he loves more than anyone or anything else!! I mean he DID tell the Metatron, literally in so many words, I don't want to go back to Heaven, the only thing that swayed him in the first place was the promise that Crowley would be there with him! that their partnership, as the Metatron calls it, could have been officially accepted, maybe even endorsed, and they would have been free to be together in the light of day, without ever fearing the consequences of being discovered!!!

of course that was never gonna happen bc Heaven sucks and the Metatron even more so, but what does Aziraphale know 😭😭 he was so epically blinded by the prospect of living happily ever after with Crowley, he didn't see anything else 😭😭😭

IT'S A FUCKING TRAGEDY, IS WHAT IT IS 😭😭😭😭😭

[visardistofelphame]

10, 20, and 30 for the ask game

10: What do you think of Gerald Gardner?

Without him, my tradition would not exist as it does now. It might not have reached out from the UK over all the way to my corner in the PNW. What would the world of Witches look like without the explosion that he helped cause? I think a lot about that. I've been working on my degree elevation and really contemplating the beliefs and practices, some that are his direct creation. And I have to be honest, as a queer woman, I have a lot of mixed opinions on things. He has had a lot of good influence, a lot of crutial influence. However, it doesn't omit the harm he has done. I've read a lot about him, heard things from a lot of different people (both within and outside traditions that stem from "Gardnerian"), and watched/listened to his interviews. Part of me wants to completely ignore it and certainly witchcraft evolves with the peoples that practice it. That said, I know that would be irresponsible of me to do. I believe, for a faith to remain healthy and relevant, its vital to acknowledge all truths within it. To face questions that don't have a universal answer. Anyone that is turned off from Wicca or "Gardnerian" influenced paths is within their right to. In fact, I can completely understand why.

But here is my opinion, I see him as a human being. He isn't exempt from criticism and consequence just because of his contribution to the modern renaissance of occult and pagan practices. He was a product of his time, but also a prisoner to his own faults and ego. Yet, I understand that there is no way of knowing if he would change his opinions on homosexuality and queerness in general. His death was during a time when the world was a very different place. Despite all this, there is also the chance that a lot of this could be false. Gerald was a figure of controversy and often was a trickster, as described by those close to him. He also had a lot of critics. To elevate or degrade him won't do any good.

He is a good example why you shouldn't idolize people like they're superhuman. And thankfully, no one really does that with Gardner (at least in my circles).

20: Do you research ex-pagans viewpoints with an open mind?

Its not something I've done in a long time, not since I first decided to explore different spiritualities back in my late-teens to early twenties. Part of the reason I took a bit to answer this was to actually research a little.

Its never too late to change yourself, to seek out something different. Its healthy to allow yourself the freedom to explore and educate yourself through experience and study. I am saddened when I read about people leaving due to tramatic experiences within the pagan-sphere. The truth is that there are a lot of inidivuals and groups that act in bad-faith, abusing the trust of seekers. No one belief system is above bigotry and cult fanaticism. Its wonderful to read when people leave because of their own personal choice fueled from their desire to truly explore and understand their faith and spiritual selves. One of my core beliefs is that the spiritual is a journey, so we should question ourselves, our practices and the goodness they bring into our lives. Healthy introspection is they key to a happy and healthy life.

30: What do you think is a scam in witchcraft?

Not really a scam per say, but…I really hate it when some of the more "obscure" occult/pagan publishers don't really do anything to prevent 3rd party sellers from buying their stock in bulk, to resell for insane prices. Its not a good look ¯_(ツ)_/¯

[essayofthoughts]

OK, so I know it was a long time ago, but you once called Tony Stark Stans virulent.

I agree.

So full disclosure I am far more of Bucky fan and don't care about Wanda all that much, however the way they try to blame Wanda for everything Tony does in AoU and after is something I can identify with.

Its actually very similar to how they victim-blame Bucky for everything that happens in Civil War when legit he was minding his own business not hurting anyone at all for 2 years before all hell broke loose due to Zemo. Also, the way they try and what Tony did to him in the final fight as a "normal human reaction" is just deeply disturbing. No. Beating him up, punching him, heck maybe even trying to shoot him once would have been a normal human reaction.

What Tony did was a brutal and vicious sustained attack lasting several minutes with multiple weapons and involved attacking Bucky when he was down and attacking from behind. (The kick to the face was especially nasty, since he was a) already down and b) was no actual threat. This is also an *unarmed man* who has to resort to hand-to-hand fighting whereas TOny is the equivalent of a flying tank and armed to the teeth.

I am sorry, but calling that a "normal human reaction" makes me think some of them might legitimately have psychotic tendencies.

To be absolutely fair to the Tony stans I do think that responding to the revelation of who killed your parents with anger and grief and a desire to lash out is a "normal human reaction". The difference lies in scale and capability - as you say, Tony's basically a flying tank, which means his capacity for retaliation is far beyond what most people have! And, further, Bucky is unarmed! Bucky is fleeing! Bucky has managed to live peacefully without hurting a soul since getting free of HYDRA until other people elect to fuck it up for him. Tony is very much directing his anger towards someone who is another victim of HYDRA's bullshit and taking that anger out on them and while that is understandable - who wouldn't be angry and upset in his situation? - the fact he is using all of his weaponry (after saying he won't sell weapons anymore, after seeing the horror they can commit, but it's okay, isn't it, if it's him wielding them?) and using them on a target who is themselves a victim and who is very clearly not wanting to fight back, who is unarmed, who is fleeing? That crosses every line.

But yeah - I'm a fan of Bucky too and the way he gets treated as a prop in a lot of Tonystan metas and works annoyed the hell out of me before I gave up MCU as a bad bet. The way the stans write WinterIron is just... jesus christ what is wrong with their perspective on the world? I also really hate how they try to claim that what Wanda did to Tony was just like what HYDRA did to Bucky which... no! Wanda in essence triggered Tony, but he had already been working on Ultron before! Bucky was brainwashed, mind-wiped and utterly controlled by HYDRA, and any time he objected "but... I knew him." they hit him and mindwiped him again! Bucky was given no freedom, Tony was hurt yes, but he was free to act on his fears, that was the point. Firstly that Tony be and bring about his own downfall, and Secondly that Tony is fully capable of doing that himself with very little cause. If Tony went through therapy and learned to recognise when he was feeling provoked or triggered, to take a deep breath and think things through, would he have used the sceptre behind the team's back to make Ultron? Signs point to Significantly less likely.

It's this very particular thing you see in a lot of fandom spaces where one character is picked as the Blorbo Who Can Do No Wrong, and so their agency gets denied at every turn. Every bad thing that happened? That's someone else's fault. Someone else made them do it, the Blorbo would never do anything like that on their own.

And... it's incredibly boring! It's also incredibly childish and a really infantile approach to fiction. Part of why I like both Wanda and Bucky is that both of them are fully capable of doing bad, even terrible things, be that under their own power or when influenced by others - and both have the capacity to feel terrible for it! Bucky keeps to himself and hides and does his best to avoid hurting people again! Wanda has a whole panic attack and needs a pep talk to believe she can fight to right the wrongs she committed, and we don't see her play around in minds much after AOU! Both of these people learn things - about themselves and about others - that cause them to change and grow, meanwhile Tony is stuck in his character roundabout, repeating the same cycle, never growing, and his fans look at this infantile writing and go "... PEAK".

Anyway thanks for this ask! That meta is years old at this point but I'm glad it's still making the rounds and hitting a chord with people!

[doomzday-zone]

only a TEENY BIT disheartening. i will say. and this isn't directed at anyone in particular just so we all know lol, but literally this always happens to me 😭 HHJABBSJSBD

like its nawt that big of a deal but i do put . a certain amount of effort into fnaf stuff that i dont in other fandoms n likeeeee !!! like ! its mostly my fault for not being too interested in the larger fandom for anything but alas. me when i have to live in the grave i dug: guess we diggin deeper boys *rubs hands gayly* 😏

ON A LIGHTER NOTE THO. i know no one on planet earth can stop me from getting maximum freek 😈😈😈😈😈 oh yeah babey..... the power coursing thru me !!!!!!!!!!!