#i had fun writing this so thats all that matters even if it doesnt make any sense to anyone but me

[quuerbee]

Heugh ok big time spoilers warning for 1175 (and prior ofc) I'm gonna be rambling so don't expect anything analytic 🫵

GOD OK SO. Its been commented on multiple times throughout the novel that the diciples of Mount Hua (sect leader, elders, 5 swords, etc) want to carry some of the burden that Chung Myung carries. Hyun Jong asks him to trust him and not go after the Myriad Man Manor (I think that's what it was called before they formed the big bad alliance....) in the direct aftermath of the attack on the sect (chapters like. 350-420 ish if I'm remembering correctly?). The 5 Swords try to protect him during that final fight at the north sea when he's been buried in rubble, and then they try to support him again in the first yangzte river battle (the one where the 3 year pacification pact came from) and so on and so forth. This is a VERY COMMON THING.

Everytime they manage to get stronger to protect the sect (lifting some burden off of Chung Myung), the enemies get stronger and the situations get worse. They (being primarily the 5 swords + Tang Soso and Hye Yeon) begin to realize that despite getting stronger, Chung Myung is always at the forefront of the battle in the most danger. They haven't had a single major battle where Chung Myung was not present to help if needed. This also brought up the idea that they are indirectly putting Chung Myung in even more danger because he has to focus not only on the battle, but on saving them if needed (this has ALSO been brought up multiple times but i don't want to give examples so).

Now I know that this isn't Mount Hua's fault, they're being thrust into terrible situations with not great timing, but all of this has STRENGTHENED Chung Myung belief that no one but him can protect Mount Hua to the standard needed. (It's very interesting to note that he has ended up on the OPPOSITE side of the spectrum from his previous life, which Chung Myung actually comments on in chapter 1175!!!). Its been mentioned a lot (by that fuck ass monk Bop Jeong and others) that the success of the Heavenly Commrade Alliance lies damn near solely on Chung Myung back. Even Tang Gunak, Meang So, and Seol So Beak themselves admit that they were initially drawn towards CHUNG MYUNG and not towards Mount Hua. Namgung Dowi is a similar ish case, having been drawn to the Heavenly Commrade Alliance by Mount Hua and the Tang clans's actions at Plum Blossom Island (which Chung Myung lead). Long story short, if Chung Myung did not exist in Mount Hua, there would not be an alliance in the first place (which the novel straight up says).

Another concept that's been brought up lately is what exactly is Mount Hua willing to give up in the name of chivalry. Up until now, every single action taken by Mount Hua has had a positive impact on them while also upholding the chivalrous reputation of the sect. THIS IS WHERE CHUNG MYUNGS CURRENT STRIFE IS COMING FROM!!!! At the current moment he doesn't know what direct he wants to push Mount Hua in. Does he tell Shaolin to fuck off (picking the Heavenly Commarade Alliance over joining the 10 Great Sects) and deal with the inevitable consequences of that (reputation hit and more death among not only commoners but amongst Mount Hua diciples) or does he agree to Bop Jeong's plan and risk everything from the past repeating for the sake of chivalry? He is blinded by his indecision, even mentioning in chapter 1174 that if he were faced with the situation Chung Mun faced with Chung Jin (Chung Jin disappearing towards the end of the war), he wouldn't know what to do and he would "let it all slip from his grasp".

Along with this indecisiveness, he's also agonizing over his importance to the alliance. He is now in a position similar to what Chung Mun held in the past, and he's having a difficult time coping with that. Chung Myung rationally understands his importance, going as far as to say that if he were anyone else, he would never let himself go onto the front lines. The issue lies in his survivors guilt. He wouldn't be able to make the decisions needed for victory if he himself wasn't there to be able to prevent any death he could.

Along comes Baek Cheon, who has been one of the main vocalizers for all the things mentioned above. He notices the things Chung Myung tries to hide. There are many, many times where Baek Cheon is one of the ones that knocks some sense into Chung Myung, but the one I really want to focus on is their interaction in chapter 1175. Baek Cheon, despite all the jokes, is the head diciple of the second generation. Chung Myung is his Sajae, his junior brother. He CARES about him. He doesn't like seeing him not act like an insane asshole. He KNOWS Chung Myung, enough to know his habits as well as his fears and motivators.

He uses his knowledge to comfort him in a blunt way by saying that he will outlive Chung Myung. And oh, isn't that heartbreaking? To acknowledge that Chung Myung would rather spend every day in hell than "allow" a diciple of Mount Hua to die before him (again). Baek Cheon says this as an offhand comment, a subtle reassurance without making it a big thing because he KNOWS that's one of the main things driving Chung Myung. Throughout this entire exchange, Chung Myung unintentional image of being a "perfect human" starts to strip away. He reveals to Baek Cheon that he doesn't exactly know why he holds all of this burden, but that he feels he is the only one who can. (Circling back to the guilt he feels due to his inaction 100 years ago).

Towards the end of the chapter, Chung Myung starts joking that he'll be back to normal soon, that he just has a lot on his mind. This signals once again that he is pushing against Baek Cheons silent offer of support. As they sit in silence, Baek Cheon brings up the question that has been eating at the entirety of Mount Hua for a while. He asks if they were stronger, if HE were stronger, would it have lightened his worries? The final sentence of the chapter indicates that Chung Myung doesn't answer this question.

Chung Myung cares so much about Mount Hua that he continually shoulders on more and more responsibilities because to him, that is the only way to atone for his past inaction. I just wish he could see how much Mount Hua cares about him in turn.

[mars-syndrome]

sooo if ur somehow stumbling across this randomly nothing about this post will make sense unless youve read this fic https://archiveofourown.org/works/57909193

but hey, that promised bingge pov post! (full disclosure i am writing this before ive written the sqh scene so some info may be repeated!)

binghe was aware of sy’s nature from the very beginning. he knew it was demonic, but meng mo was the one who let him know about the concept of demon dolls and how theyre created. when he chose sy for qing jing, he was fully convinced it was actually a demon doll with sqq’s exact soul/copy and wanted to get ahead of whatever revenge he and/or yqy may be planning.

meng mo also told him that since sqq’s been dead yqy had probably used his own soul to help ‘create’ sy so both of them were hesitant to use their dream manipulation incase it let yqy know something was up since they could be spiritually linked and lbh’s half demon status was unknown plus he’d be the first person yqy would want to blame. while he wouldnt use dream manipulation since it was spiritual based, he would use the blood parasites as insurance since it was fully physical.

upon meeting sy, he began to have doubts about whether it was sqq’s soul. hence the fungi mission. he used that mission to judge just how human or demonic sy’s body is and also gauge his reaction to not being affected by the spores if his body was demonic to tell how “in the know” he was. when sy was genuinely confused and just accepted whatever explanation lbh gave him, he concluded sy knew absolutely nothing at all and shifted his focus to actually making sy care for him.

his confrontation with yqy after the fungi mission was basically yqy and lbh trying to psych each other out about how much the other knew. it ended with lbh implying he knew what was up, that he could reveal yqy for colluding with demonic cultivators and/or demons, and that he wouldnt let sy get found out unless yqy does some shit bc hey, thats his disciple. so up until now (chapter whatever this is linked on) they’ve operated under a strained truce that yqy stays away from sy and lbh wont reveal them.

for lbh getting close with sy was just a fun little side project. after all, a little sqq who adored him more than anything in the world? sqq would be seething and rolling in his grave. it doesnt hurt that sy was so earnest and cute either and him being on the peak made nyy happy so he was fine with getting some revenge like that.

in the fic’s og pidw, this grows into lbh desperately craving affection and validation from the kid who looks so much like his shizun who withheld it. he’ll grow codependent with sy, but the relationship stays very much master/disciple. on some level he’s aware that though sy does genuinely care for and admire him, hes playing out a role to receive lbh’s protection.

but in the fic our sy, earnest and naive, found the jade pendent.

this is bingge, two decades removed from the abuse he suffered. he’s had two decades to get stronger, to realize the world bends to his whims. to realize no matter where he goes he’ll have women falling over themselves to get into his bed but none of them will ever truly love him and what they give him is shallow. to realize he’ll have men envying him and wishing him harm just for being better. this bingge doesn’t have mobei-jun or any wives to share even the illusion of closeness or companionship with. he has nyy yet she’s been relishing in her role as da-shijie and hes happy for her truly, but he’s been alone in the bamboo house for 20 years.

when bingge meets sy!sqq in svsss who shows him just two days worth of normal domestic kindness, he immediately wants to leave with him. so how would our bingge feel with our sy, who he’s had unrestricted access to for 2 years, who holds genuine affection for him with no ulterior motive, who admires him openly and unashamedly, when he returns the very symbol of his happiness and the last bit of true love hes ever felt?

“precious fake jade indeed” he said

this fake sqq, this flawed copy of the man who tormented him, gave him back this fake pendant that he held most dear, that he lost hope of ever getting back again.

was that not symbolic? did that not make shen yuan his as well? did that not make shen yuan another symbol of love for him? did shen yuan not hand himself over to binghe when he handed over the pendant?

he begins objectifying sy almost. this was his person. obviously if sy was defective for yqy’s purposes, then wouldnt it make sense for sy to have been made just for lbh? after all, who else could cherish and protect sy like he could? yqy let him out of his sight long enough for him to becomes lbh’s so he wasnt fit. sy cant look after himself. only luo binghe could.

the mission he took just after sy’s 16th birthday was to track down the demon clan responsible for sy’s creation and learn more about it to see if he could sever and/or work around yqy’s connection. as soon as he learned everything, he returned and used dream manipulation (after he figured out it was safe) to walk through sy’s memories like svsss bingge did to sqq. he realizes sy’s memories are gone, he and meng mo conclude it was probably an error in the connection to body and soul bc of the nature of demon puppets. but hey, a wins a win. sy has no affection for yqy and the fact sy is loyal to only lbh remains unchanged.

speaking of, he should probably make sy his head disciple officially so yqy cant make any accusations about lbh’s inappropriate closeness to his disciple, no matter how true they are.

[punkitt-is-here]

How can I cultivate the same, "just keeping making stuff all the time" kind of energy you have? It's very impressive and something I wish I could do!

well, theres a couple reasons i think! one is that i just found ways to be satisfied with small amounts of work. its in part because of my ADHD, but my parents were always trying new things (motorcycles, leatherwork, acrylic paint, collage art, photography, video editing) so that definitely rubbed off on me; i had a great example of people just wanting to try stuff. i keep making stuff all the time because i love trying out new things; you don't have to be an expert to try something new! you just have to have a desire for it! wanna make a zine? google it! wanna write a comic? give it a shot! wanna get into woodworking? buy a carving knife and find a stick or something! i think theres plenty of ways to find entry points into interesting stuff and you gotta let yourself be okay with making shit that sucks just because its fun. which leads me to my second point!!

im okay with being dogshit at stuff! i try new things, i kind of suck at them, and i think it's either 1. cool that i made it this far or 2. kinda funny that this is what its like at the moment. i know that sucking is never permanent, everything can be improved with time, and rarely does anyone ever magically get good at something first try. i think of myself as a talented artist, but its over the course of 2+ decades of drawing; im always improving, and no matter what im going to find things i want to get better at, so why fault myself now for not being perfect? a couple of months ago i really wanted to try woodcarving, so i made spoon with my dad. did it turn out great? not really! you cant even use it as a spoon! but im glad i tried it, it was fun, i had a great time with my dad, and now i know a little bit more going in next time. the idea that you have to be perfect or make tangible progress every single time you try something new is a recipe for burnout. i promise you, it doesnt matter if something doesn't come out like God's Gift to Humanity! Did you have fun? did you learn something? are you satisfied in some small part? good!

(pictured: tha spoon)

last, im just really easy to please myself! I'll make a doodle or implement an idle animation in my game or color a piece and go "wow! thats so cool i did that :)" and it really is just a matter of realizing that its fucking COOL to create stuff, no matter how small! whatever you made didn't exist before you, especially in your own unique way, and now it does! doesn't that rule?! i'm obsessed with it! even if its just a stick figure, its a stick figure you made, and it wasn't there before. thats fucking awesome!!! art is so cool!!!! i think that being happy with small goals and victories is a great way of trying out new things and showing off cool stuff u made, no matter what skill level. :) this turned into a whole big thing, but i hope this helps! tl;dr is try things if they seem fun, be okay with not being good at them, and find stuff about it that makes you happy or satisfied!

[ganondoodle]

so guess what they released more interviews and i think given what a writing shitshow totk was and what they have been saying in all these interviews is actually painting a really bad picture; i dont have the time, nor the energy to go over every detail

but they were commenting on people wanting the more linear format back and aonuma himself basically said that he thinks people who feel like that do so only bc of nostalgia and "Why do you want to go back to a type of game where you're more limited or more restricted in the types of things or ways you can play?"

what .. the fuck, more freedom DOESNT automatically mean better??? like ... restriction can be a GOOD thing just as tooo much freedom can be BAD?? like in totk??? are you fukcing shitting me- what the hell are games even for then, has he had an awakening to the fact that he actually just loves sandbox games without realizing it???? im not playing fucking zelda for a sandbox, especially not when its advertised as a somethign else

its pretty clear that they want to keep this format going with everything they say there, ... maybe it really is over huh

also i hate how they kept talking around answering anything about story/lore; they go asked how ganondorf even connects to ganon since theres nothign about it in game, and all they got out was welllll we dont wanna say anything bc its up to the player; about every question you got the answer of "make somethign up yourself" which is just ... its really clear they dont actually care but dont want to say everything is meaningless actually, so they try to be vague about it and with doing that really just confirm they didnt think about it and they dont care- so no lore actually matters, nothing thats been said or established has any meaning bc they will get rid of it the second it crosses paths with their new -more freedom equals better- philosophy, they say its bc they want you to be "free" to think up anything but apparently dont realize that when there are no rules, no consistent lore or anything that it ROBS it, it stops having meaning, its fun to connect dots only when there are rules you need to work with and dots to connect in the first place, when you have an established world with its restrictions it drives you to think more creatively about things- but when there are no rules?? its fucking boring!! thats what it is!!

when you discard all rules i wont care to get invested into anything bc i know it will not be considered again, be done away with without any reason and wont have influence on coming or previous games ... bc there are no rules, anything is possible and everything can be changed any second, so nothing matters

(they also talked about the many viral videos of those very few dedicated people that make godzilla mechs in totk and how happy they are about that- i get that to some extent, but the way they kept talkign about it really just felt like it confirmed my suspicion that that whole mechanic was mainly implemented to let people do that since that gets shared around en masse making it seem like that is why people enjoy it while neither the game nor the narrative are build around it in any way ..)

it just makes all the time i spend thinking, feeling and theorizing about zelda like a true waste of time, bc nothing matters and there are no rules-

i am someone who greatly enjoys working with and around established lore/rules, its fun to me to recontextulize things by being smart or creative with it all without breaking anything or as little as possible of the established things!

if i wanted to do just do anything i want I COULD HAVE ALREADY DONE THAT bc theres nothing actually stopping anyone to just make up what they want! i DONT need canon to lose all rules for that??!!

maybe ill have to make myself believe the franchise ended with botw on a good note ... ono

[zeninprincess]

pastries and documents; n. kento

wc: 2.8k | nanami kento x reader | office au

warnings: drinking 🍸, the use of 'name', no beta we die like kento

office romance au where nanami is your boss who is secretly in love with you, and you're pining him so bad. reader gets sick and nanami took care of her

a/n: this was supposed to be aizen but i feel like nanami would fit this better than aizen 🤭 also if there's still "aizen" or "grimmjow" in it my bad bro im writing this at 3 in the morning I haven't edited shit.

“good morning mr. nanami”

“morning ms. lastname”

nanami was a man who couldn't care less about feelings, love, or carnal desires. a man like him is someone whose calculated, precise, and self-sufficient. so, when a liability like you exist in his life, nanami could not stand the fact you light up his world, he needs to have you. you two were nothing alike, nanami being the calmer individu while you're a ray of sunshine, a bomb of glitter.

you see, despite you two being a co-worker, for nearly a year or so, you two had never interacted much, and when you do it's limited to “good morning mr. nanami” or when you bump into him in the middle of the day you'd say “good afternoon” “good evening” and when departing from office you’d say “see you tomorrow”

just because nanami is someone who prefers being a lone wolf doesnt mean hes a cruel boss to you, he was neither cold nor tough. matter of fact, contrary to popular beliefs, he was warm and approachable, he's easy to talk to. almost each time you say greetings or farewell he'd flash you a closed smile, or a on a rare occassion he would reply back depending on how he feels that day.

so when you find yourself for almost a year only interacting formally, what was the straw that finally made you decide to make a move first? there was no easy answer to this however, what really prompted you to pine him was the fact that you were drunk at a your co-worker’s celebration party.

that evening a fellow co-worker, had gotten the promotion to become the branch manager. satoru decided to throw a drinking party at a bar in which your boss, nanami was invited as well. after a few too many drinks you're left in a state half conscious. and even though the night is still young, and you know that, you were never a big drinker. even before this you have never really drank much. knowing this, satoru made fun of you for being a goody two shoes and you were having none of that so you tried your best to prove it to satoru's face.

‘tried’ being the keyword because after 3 glass of beer you're tipsy already, stuttering and blubbering anything that comes to your mind. little did you know, nanami watched you from across the table. observing silently, like a wolf stalking it's prey. back to you whose now on your fourth glass of beer you chug it all down gaining cheers from people hyping you up. you wipe the foam of beer that sat just right at the corner of your lip, and just when you thought it was over they ordered one more glass of beer. feeling peer pressured, you laughed and chug down the fifth, and then the sixth all in under half an hour.

then, there you are tipsy and disorganised. perhaps feeling bad, nanami interfered before satoru could coax you into drinking your seventh glass. “alright thats enough” he said as he adjusts his glass, walking over to your seat. and just when hes about to reach you, everything turned black. your body went into shock from alcohol poisoning.

waking up in the er, you found yourself dishevelled, missing one of your stocking and your black sweater. lucky youre covered in duvet, because people could see whats under your mini pencil skirt that you wear everyday to the office. you look around and found nanami sitting beside you, reading something you cannot quite make out. you try to sit up only to fall back into the not-so-comfortable hospital bed.

nanami turns his head to you, “easy, you could break that pretty little skull of yours” he chuckles as he helps you adjust your position. “w-what happened?” you ask, your voice raspy from dehydration. but before nanami could reply, a nurse and a certain white haired individual walks in.

“thank god… you could have a permanent brain damage. its because mr. nanami youre still alive!!” satoru said as he hugs you, his face shows guilt and especially concern about your wellbeing. “you see, you could have died, but thank god mr. nanami took you to the hospital as soon as you pass out. doctors had to pump your stomach to get the alcohol out of your system” satoru mansplained while you writhe in pain as you feel your head spinning around.

the nurse who was adjusting your iv, gave you a glass of water to reduce your migraine. nanami, whose sitting again now scolds satoru for pressuring you to drink more than what you can drink. you shot a weak smile as you thanked the nurse before she departed from the room.

thank god it was friday, you had saturday and sunday to rest. as nanami drove you home the next day, you couldn't stop thanking him for his action that saved your life and the fact that he paid for all your hospital bills.

“are you sure it's okay mr. nanami? i could send you back the-”

he cuts you off

“dont worry name, its my obligation to watch over other co-workers. besides, whats more important is youre alive and well” nanami replied followed with a smile. his eyes watched the road intently.

“i mean i know you would do the same to me name. im just returning the favor early”

you don't know why but that moved something inside of you. the way he articulate those words makes you feel a certain way. maybe its the fact hes so charming, or maybe how eloquent he is, dancing with words as if its his usual routine, it might also be the fact that he just have that natural charm, i mean the guy is enchanting, elegant, and articulate. but you would blame it to the fact that it's the first time you heard him talks about something other than stupid company stuff he usually discussed during meetings.

“right name?” he asks

“in a heartbeat mr. nanami” you replied. he clicks his tongue, the way his name rolls on your tongue sounds like songs of praises in his ears.

“call me nanami, or kento when it's just the two of us” you look at him, surprised by his request. you were surprised since you aren't even close to him hell, it's the first time you guys ever talk to these extent, somehow it felt like you knew each other for eternity.

that’s when you decided to return the favor by making him an apple pie on sunday morning. baking has always been your forte since you were young. with a family of chefs and bakers, you were taught how to bake sweets and pastries as soon as you could walk. and it grows on you because every time you have the opportunity to bake, you will do it and this one of the instances where you actually got a chance to do so.

monday comes, you walk into the office with files on your left hand, bag on your shoulder, and a freshly baked apple pie on your right hand. you knocked on his door with one of your elbow, then you opened the door. there he is, basking in all his glory with documents and files mounting all over his desk. he looks up to you. smiling, his eyes flicks into your right hand.

“i hope im not interrupting you, mr. nanami. i baked you a pie as a thank you gift” and with that you place the pie on his desk.

“oh you don't need to do this, but I guess thank you” he smiles. “uhhh its such a shame it's bigger than my stomach. if you dont mind, should we eat this together later?” he offered.

your words stumbled, your breath quickened, and your face turned red. “um, absolutely! but won't I upset your girlfriend?” you asked hoping he would say something like…

“i dont have a girlfriend”

oh… relief washes over you kmowing that nanami isnt taken, not yet atleast. well it's set then, you two are going to have lunch together.

this process repeats again and again. some day you found yourself wasting your break time to come to him, you even picked up his habits of staying up late in the office. and it was not unnoticed by your colleagues, especially satoru. he wonders if you got alcohol poisoning was a blessing in disguise. his boss who's now turning 35 finally found himself a girlfriend, or so he hoped.

despite the contrasting differences between you and nanami, you found yourself drawn to him like a moth to a flame, engaging into him more and more. each day you found yourself developing a crush on your boss. you even began to boldly flirt with him.

nanami on the other hand he's not really playing hard to get nor did he reciprocate, he was just there deflecting your sweet talks and your attempts to seduce him. although, deep inside nanami loves to see you try and pine him. he loves your attention and the pastry you bake him as an attempt to get him to fall in love with you.

he was a silent lover, he loves you from afar watching to his heart content, he loves when you do small things only he noticed. for example, when you're anxious you'd bite the nail of your thumbs, or how your fingers curls around your locks when thinking. he found all of that cute, it just fits you so perfectly. he also plays favourite with you, and it really stirred up your dynamic with your co-workers.

he would do things like extending your deadline, dismissing you whenever you're late, even giving you extra day off whenever he saw you depraved of your sleep. he would praise you here and there but he never really show how much he likes you, unless you really look into it.

your mother taught you that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, and it's true because after weeks of baking him pastries, cake, sweets, spending lunchtime with him, he felt empty the day you didn't come to work and brought him his pastries as usual. your mom taught you well and nanami is the proof.

you never skipped a day working, even when he insists on giving you extra time off, you would deny the offer “i want to see you you know” you gave him the same excuse each time. until today, where you were nowhere to be found, not in the office kitchen, not in the cafeteria, and ofcourse your cubicle is empty.

nanami was alarmed by your absence from work, as you had never skipped a day before. he was also troubled by the fact that you didn't pick up his calls. He inquired about your location to satoru, who was smoking a cigarette outside the building while they both sipped their coffee. satoru then provided nanami with your information.

you were sick, you had high fever from getting wet when walking to the train station last night and now it made sense. nanami quickly called his secretary and told her to clear his schedule for the day. after that, he hurriedly drive himself to your house. he wanted to see you, he needed to see you. with a basket of fruit and a few medicine on his left hands and his briefcase on his right hand.

standing infront of your apartment door, a 6’1 man ringing the bell with each second he grew impatient, and he decided after the third time ringing your bell that he would invite himself in, but before he could do that he was met with a clicking sound of the white door.

looking up, your eyes met nanami’s. you were taken aback at the sudden appearance of nanami. sharp features adorned his already perfect visage. his suit is always neat with no signs of crinkles or stains. it's a stark contrast to your appearance now, with your hair tangled, covering yourself in your warm blanket, face pale as a ghost.

“can i come in?” he asks.

you took a step behind, letting him in.

“sorry if it's messy” you muttered under your breath, your voice has a hint of raspiness from lack of hydration, it was the same raspiness nanami once heard in the hospital. you invited him to your living room, setting down the medicine and fruits.

“tis for me?” you eyed the fruits and the meds. he nodded his head.

coughing non stop, he leads you down to your beige sofa. he put a palm on your forehead. you were burning up and nanami couldn't help but pray for god to just transfer all the pain you feel right now to him. he couldn't bear seeing you like this. then, he heard your stomach grumble loudly, and nanami couldn't ignore that.

“you haven't eaten yet? see, this is why young people these days get sick easily, they skip breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and- bla bla bla bla… you couldnt really process his scolding as you're too sick to argue back. seeing you rolled up in your duvet, trying not to fall asleep on the couch melts his heart.

-and the way you younglings live, my god you guys would rather stay up late to procrastinate more” his scolding came to an abrupt end when he felt your hand holding his. you didn't spoke any words but nanami understood.

“sorry, i'm just concerned for you” he paused “it's just, i don't want anything to happen to you” he elaborate further.

now nanami found himself pacing to your kitchen, taking off his blazer, loosening his tie, rolling up his sleeves. see, the thing about nanami is that he'd do anything for his loved ones, he may not be the best at cooking but he'll try and definitely succeed at that. he's planning to make you an egg porridge.

you desperately crawl to the kitchen trying to stop nanami from burdening himself but to no use, he carries you back to the living room and pins you on the couch.

“be a good girl for me, yeah? the porridge is already done so wait here” and you just nod. he smiles and paces himself to the kitchen once more before coming back with a tray of porridge and tea. “here, i know i'm not the best at cooking but atleast eat up for me” he said as he set the tray down to the table.

you eagerly sat up, ready to taste his food. he sat beside you and fed you with a spoon. “hey! im not a child. i can feed myself!' you protested, but nanami didn't give in. now you were being fed by your own boss whom you'd never have thought would do things to this extent for the sake of his ‘co-worker’

after a while the bowl is empty and you've taken your meds, the one that nanami bought you. he praised you for being good.

“so you do care about me nanami” you smiled as you teased him. expecting no response as usual, you were surprised when he replied back to your teasing. you followed him to the kitchen, he's doing your dishes while you sat on the kitchen island.

“of course i do. i'm worried sick for you!!” he exclaimed. “day and night I think of you, your wellbeing, your whereabouts. i sleep and the first thing i think about after opening my lids are you. when i see pastries i couldn't help but missing you, i breath for you, i want you no, i need you name” he confessed.

“ever since you started working here i-” he paused. “i was waiting for the chance to talk to you” he sighed. glancing at you.

your face reddened, the confession took you aback. he looked at you with loving eyes, it was as if nanami were drunk in love. “im not a man of many words but I always try” he continues his rambling while soaping up spoons “nanami… all these times i thought you're just being nice to me. i didn't know that you like me back”

“like?” he scoffed, not in a cocky way “no, no, you're wrong. i not only like you but I fell in love with you name” he continues to express his deep feelings for you.

“so…”

“be mine name, please. i can't stand the thought of you- mmph!!” he was cut with a deep kiss.

he didn't hesitate to kiss you back, deeper, more aggressive, it was full of desire yet gentle. you pull back and he's already missing your lips. “yes! yes i do!!”

“let me take you on a date, please” he begs. you chuckled and nodded to his request. “come here and kiss me already” he smiled as your lips dominate each other.

𓆝 𓆟 �� 𓆝 𓆟 𓆝 𓆟 𓆞 𓆝

bonus:

satoru cursed under his breath as he look at the clock, it was 11pm he found himself juggling between his works and your unfinished documents that nanami had forced him to finish during the days you were sick.

“god damn it. he better gave me a raise after this!!”

©️ zeninprincess 2024. reposting, plagiarizing, translating or claiming my works are strictly forbidden.

[suenitos]

I need someone to explain the !cdnf lore to me 😔

oh my godddddd how do i even go about this... so much of this is like you had to be there but i'll try my best ok. here are some things that helped me tremendously while writing:

cdnf manifesto (pretty much all cdnf moments compiled into one document with streams attached)

some cdnf moments

cdnf is an interesting case because it kinda emerged a little bit before the time the separation between Lore (plot) and Real Life officially happened (in my opinion this is when dream put out the please use c! to refer to our characters tweet) where a lot of the fandom attitude towards rpf was still being kinda weirded out by it, so a lot of people were drawing dnf "as a dare"/"because i lost a bet" and infamously "only shipping the minecraft skins" slash characters. previous to this/around the time of fundy's wedding video there was no real culture surrounding shipping most characters in a serious immersive way according to the story really up until the election and around the november 16 event. everything earlier than the explicitly described roleplay is kinda shaky at best in being considered canon, except for the kingdom line where cdream tells cgeorge that he will be the next king once they take back the land from lmanburg. theres also someee moments where theyre protective of each other during this war as cgeorge had always been on the side of the americans, kinda like irl which is a common theme in why a lot of people find this relationship fascinating. like. the rituals. we were still in dreams "straight" arc mind you.

a lot of the canon relationship relies mostly on the protective knight and king dynamic around late 2020 in which cdream crowns cgeorge king after he deems him more neutral to every conflict going on in canon over ceret, because of the running joke that irl george slept through every major event and he was building a mushroom house during the november 16 event. the big thing to remember about george is he wasnt super into the rp as much as dream was and we didnt see a ton of designated lore streams from him as a result, leading him to incorporate his sleepy/inactive nature as part of his character to sort of "excuse" him from a lot of the plot and from interacting with other characters. this was later though, but during the time of king/knight cdream was shown to be very protective of cgeorge and doing things like buying him flowers in secret (this was before fundy wedding was retconned but i still consider this one canon), stealing back his fish beckerson from cquackity i believe, and going to war against lmanburg and building obsidian walls surrounding the place AND exiling ctommy BECAUSE ctommy and co burned down cgeorge's house he built before becoming king. at the time people did read that as cdream using cgeorge as an excuse to do build walls and enact exile but i like to read it romantically i think thats more fun.

but as the person who created the server along with dream he was bound to have one of the most important relationships to him no matter what. after a while though, cdream dethroned cgeorge to re-crown ceret as cgeorge was starting to align himself with cquackity, csapnap, and ckarl in making a new independent nation that wasnt lmanburg, dsmp, or the badlands named el rapids (making him no longer the most neutral of the server) and this is the moment cdnf (and cdteam really) kinda split up for good in a way. do remember the reason this even happened is ALLEGEDLY because george irl wasnt super into the lore and dream gave him an out through lore, yet he underestimated the DRAMAAAA george would give as his character which led to a way more compelling story/narrative surrounding dethronement as cdream's complete betrayal of both cgeorge and csapnap to focus on other matters like ctommy or whatever. sadly, no more cdnf proper after this that doesnt come in the form of crumbs/mentions from other characters (such as two times csapnap confronting cdream and mentioning george to which cdream has very Normal responses) or dreams that dubiously affect real life (in canon) but cdream does what he does and cgeorge moves to kinoko kingdom with csapnap and ckarl. but honestly i think the most tragic part of dethronement was probably the fact it was on quackity's stream tbh 😒

the first time dreamxd showed up on the server was during george's tiktok banned me stream due to the fact cdream was in prison canonically but dream still wanted to play with george on the server on the rare occasion he got on, and this was the only stream that featured dream voicing dreamxd without filters, because it was a semi rushed decision. this stream could technically be considered the first cgeorge dream presented to us, but the concept that george's lore streams were dreams came one stream later featuring cniki and cbad as well. anyway this stream is kinda technically not canon because dnf and quackity were rping george getting banned from tiktok so its very much Not lore in that sense but it again featured a lot of dream being protective of george, "betraying" him and groveling and george acting sad and crying irl on command. rituals. ONE MORE THING TO ADD ABOUT THE PRISON THAT IS VERY IMPORTANT: cdream is captured and put into prison before this stream as previously said, but almost EVERY SINGLE character is there to watch EXCEPT cgeorge. meaning, he may have been in deep sleep at this point. HOWEVER, he never visits the prison ONCE in canon. more on this later.

anyway the next stream features some interesting implications about cdream and dreamxd's connection like are they two separate entities? are they split from a singular entity? can cdream take over dreamxd's body temporarily or is it dreamxd mimicing his voice and body (dream was using the same skin for both). also, dreamxd had access to creative mode which led many to characterize him as a god of the server and dream incorporated that into his character as a result, but also that he's a massive fucking simp for cgeorge in giving him items he asks for which again. rituals. this is the stream where cgeorge and dreamxd become friends forever as well.

but before explaining the last lore stream george ever did and also some stuff that happened after on cdream's side, there are also things to address regarding symbols and things that just made cdnf's relationship a lot closer than the others. for example, the wooden pickaxes they left in the nether near the beginning of the server's birth that philza eventually found and eret put in a museum. another is their literal child nugget (this one is a stretch tbh but it makes me smile) a chicken that george had in dream's room during the construction of the community house before a sewer ran through it :/ this one is purely me in that i also consider tnt to be a symbol of both cdnf in that cdream uses it a lot and cgeorge uses it to blow up the world in his last stream, and they both use it to blow up cquackity's las nevadas sign both in the dream and in canon. but the most important one of all is The Shield.

this damn. motherfucking shield. with a blue field masoned banner. was somehow the longest running symbol surrounding cdnf. i have gone to bed sick over this shield. a brief timeline about it: the first time we saw it was when cdream had it equipped during the obsidian lmanburg wall incident and cgeorge famously saying "im not going to be hurt if dream's next to me". cdream doesnt show up again with it to my knowledge but CGEORGE has it during the lil nas x stream (cdream in prison) during which he gets killed and lil nas x briefly equips it before karl gets it back to george near the end/after the stream. we never saw cdream give him this shield, it's kinda maybe implied that he gave it based on the fact its the same design?? who knows. later, the shield gets stolen by sapnap during another dream (this was during george's first year anniversary stream) featuring dream! where he dreams that cdream left prison and joined cgeorge csapnap cbad and ckarl on a tour of the server and kinoko. karl steals it back from csapnap during sapnap's stream with drista in secret, and manages to get it BACK to george MANY MONTHS LATER after an mcc and time travel shenanigans without sapnap knowing. george is GENUINELY happy about this damn shield and puts it in his enderchest, nearly freaking out when cpunz kills him and he thinks he lost it. super normal behavior. anyway. interlude over back to the last stream.

cgeorge's i blew up the dream smp deserved an oscar. seriously. masterclass in acting and streaming. the key point to remember from earlier here is cgeorge had NEVER visited the prison, but a specific moment from quackity's forming las nevadas stream revealed him standing outside the prison, looking inside, before cquackity got his attention, so he was clearly thinking about visiting, yet never had the courage or will to see him again. anyway this stream's inciting incident is cgeorge noticing no one is on the server and encounters cdream LEAVING the prison. they have a confrontation in which cdream asks cgeorge to join him or else he destroys kinoko. he kills cgeorge. after beating ctechno And cdream, cgeorge goes on a destruction spree and also kills cquackity ckarl and ccallahan before finally killing god aka dreamxd, his last link to cdream/humanity. that sequence where he fights him is oddly flirty. anyway he then goes on to go to the End and almost kills the dragon to rule over a world of nothing except.. it was all a dream. cgeorge ends the stream furious. this is the last we ever see of cgeorge.

meanwhile cdream gets taunted of cgeorge on various occasions: with csapnap, with cbad, and at the end with ctommy. one of the signs he has listing his plans has the name george on it, discovered by ctommy and ctubbo before they go defeat him. during the finale, ctommy goes into limbo and sees/hears cdnf during dream's FIRST dsmp stream before he abandoned showing his pov and convinces cdream destroying the world isnt the way before everyone blows up from the nuke L. thats the end of canon before "season 2" which. lets not get into that but them also dying to the dragon when the official end to the dsmp stream happened was really cute :( and its very poetic to note that irl dnf started this insaneeee phenomenon an ocean away and ended it all together in the same house in LA :(

last notes: dream fucking ADORED this ship so much that when he held a fanfic contest (dnf barely being accepted by the mods but allowing lore fics) he chose a cgeorge-centric cdnf fic as the winner. he liked so much fanart of it, and he particularly liked dreamxd and cgeorge fanart. he also accidentally revealed two google searches during one of his geoguessr streams which were "georgenotfound dream smp wiki" and "georgenotfound dream SMP king short story wattpad". okay man. protip ao3 is better for inspiration but whatever. but lets also not discount george here as he was also a freak and liked the famouss king/knight fanart of their characters near kissing and replied "hot" before people really took the concept of cdnf or any shipping super seriously. now, you can debate whether he meant that seriously or as a joke, but based on his streams if you were to find anything to ship, you seriously could not do that with anyone other than dream in either his cdream or dreamxd form unless you were looking to break up ckarlnapity in some way but those ships were less popular, probably because of irl dnf's real life chemistry. cdream is another story but thats not the focus here, though i wont deny there isnt grounding for a lot of other popular cdream ships, which is fine.

over time, dnf became incredibly close as friends and as a duo, and in terms of fandom developments, over the course of 2021 leading into 2022, shipping dnf as real people and not the pseudo heatwaves/accelerate/minecraft skins image of them became much more popularized. as dnf grew closer they did less streams in lore and their real life dynamic became a lot more interesting the closer the face reveal became. but in a way, in my opinion, the lore streams were a way for dnf in particular to sort of deal with their situation due to covid and dream's inability to go outside and do shit, in a sense the prison arc kinda symbolizes dream's irl situation though thats likely not the case. but a lot of their dynamic shone through in their characters via dream being very protective of george and george caring about him in his own way/being kinda obsessed with him in general.

overall, i think the best part of this ship is just how founded on delusion, crumbs, and denial from the fans it was yet how surprisingly supported it was by dnf themselves over time as the server became super mega BONKERS insanely popular??? like it is genuinely one of the only actual canon slash r ships in the story, moreso implied than anything else but holding much more water than something like ckarlnapity in the end which is CRAZY. the imagery and inspiration that came out of the ship was incredible and yet its still a very tragic story in canon that doesnt actually truly get resolved (i like to imagine season 2 fixed this). however in the end, although cdnf didnt get a happy ending, irl dnf did, in meeting/living with each other and officially shedding off this wild part of their life and career as characters in a story coping with their real life circumstances, to living life to the fullest physically together and happy. :)

[one-annon]

PROTECTIVE ADAM DRABBLE

haha hi guys... so huge shout out to @quinngefail for trusting me enough to write out a bit for this idea they had! really not my best writing but its okay, i still had fun writing it <3 heavy tw! slight fatshaming and disability shame!! dont be like these guys

adam was never the protective type. he knew lawrence could hold himself up and he knew he could protect himself. he had no reason to be mean to others. of course, there were times where he would tell someone to fuck off. he hated it when people would stare at lawrence. not only was staring rude (funny from a voyeur huh?), but lawrence was his. the older man belonged to adam and he had a ring on his finger to prove it.

the two of them knew their limits with each other but others didn't. which, in adams opinion, it should be common fucking sense. who the fuck would comment on a guy's weight? thats like…asking if a woman is pregnant. well. he actually doesnt know if that translates right but…you get the point, don't you?

like that one time when they were at a restaurant. they were sitting across from each other, lawrence had ordered a nice glass of wine and adam had a dr pepper. really, they needed the rest. hard week for them both. they had been patiently waiting for their food and once it finally was in front of them, these fucking kids were seated across from their table.

both of them paid no mind. it didnt matter. truly, looking back at it, they shouldve left them alone. but in adams defense, they were looking at larry wrong. his larry.

"you really think hes gonna eat all that?" "course he is. look at him!"

adam had heard the whispers, he noticed the stares. he inhaled slowly, trying to keep his cool. he wouldnt ruin their date. not over this. taking a quick peek up at his stunning date, he took note of how unbothered lawrence seemed. maybe it bothered him more than it did the blond. or maybe not. he didnt even know of larry had heard those fuckers talking. he knew the man's hearing was getting just a little worse. he didnt mind. it worked. adam was loud anyway.

he let his hand move over toward lawrence's, locking their fingers together and watching him take a few bites of his meal. it wasnt a ton of food. he didn't get the issue. steak, a salad he had already finished, and a bowl of soup. of course, he also ordered fries that were mostly just something adam could steal off his plate, and they had shared mozzarella sticks and chips for an appetizer. but that wasnt too much. that was a good amount of food. they had no reason to make fun of him but adam had every reason to knock their fucking teeth in.

larry's gaze caught adams, a soft smile pairing with those beautiful blue eyes. he didn't seem bothered. not one bit.

"could you uh..go get me a drink, lar?" he asked, nodding over to the bar near the back of the restaurant. he wanted to have a small word with the very kind people next to him.

"oh, of course." lawrence lifted his hand, pressing a loving kiss to his knuckles. he always treated adam like a princess. would that make lawrence the princess' bride? haha. adam's never seen the princess bride and neither has the author. sorry.

the blonde took his cane in his hand, huffing out a tired breath as he stood up. "easy on your leg.." adam warned, watching him carefully and staying on high guard to make sure he didnt need to step up and assist his lover. he was fine. he could handle himself, adam. calm down. he heard the people across from them snicker. their eyes followed lawrence as he left for the bar and adam couldnt have been more pissed.

adam turned in his seat, eyes wide with the insane urge to set the building ablaze and a smile so sarcastically pissed off that he felt he could be the next big actor. he spread his legs just a little, letting his elbows rest on his knees. he clasped his hands together, staring directly at the table. "hey there!" he greeted, the gears in his head running on just enough cigarette smoke to keep the 'protect lawrence' and his 'destroy everything and everyone in your way' gears in overdrive and the 'think rationally' and 'work this out' gears held at a complete stop.

the table focused their attention onto adam, one of the members cocking an eyebrow and mimicking his positioning. of course, adam wasnt expecting them to take him seriously. how could they? he wasnt anything special. he was just an average looking loser with a boyfriend who owns a fucking bmw.

"hey there back!"

adam hated that fucking smile. little fucking demons is what they were. he lifted his head to check on lawrence. he was still at the bar, chatting with the bartender and waiting ever so patiently for adams drink. he wasnt even sure what he was getting and truly he didnt care. he had bigger problems to handle at the moment. "is there a fuckin' problem here?" he tilted his head.

the person mocking him shrugged. "im not sure what youre talking about."

the shorter had to resist the urge to stand and slam his hands on the table. of course they didnt know. why would they know what they just fucking did? that makes so much sense that adam almost forgot why he was about to break their fucking teeth in! almost.

"yknow, youre not exactly quiet when it comes to shit talking people. though, i suppose you would really like it for someone to do the same to you, yeah?" he motions to the outfit of another member. "like how your shirt has a cute little logo for nirvana on it but i bet you cant name three songs by the damn band, huh?"

before they could defend themselves, adam continued. "or how you," he pointed to another member, "have that beautiful necklace on! oh my it looks so expensive! but yknow i saw the same thing at claires! and, really i would say your outfit makes up for it but green just is not your color. i would maybe go for a dumpster fire red next time! which i dunno, i think a nice bitch blue would go great for all of you!"

one of the members stood up, which caused adams confidence to falter just slightly. he straightened himself up, his brain suddenly racking through old memory files to find the fight tips that scott had given him. just in case.

"who the fuck do you think you are, dude?" they shouted. other tables turned to look at the pair. adam wasnt sure what to do, so he did what he did best. he imagined it was scott. truly, he did this for every fight. it was a lot easier yelling at that fucknut than some stranger.

adam vaguely pointed to the bar, "oh, so its okay for you to insult my fiance but i cant insult you? i mean, cmon, i just told you that you all had trash outfits! you fucks were making fun of his body! not so fuckin' fun when its you is it?"

he wouldve keep going. he shouldve kept going. if it wasnt for lawrence wobbling his way back with a beer bottle in hand, adam probably wouldve gotten physical. larry carefully slid his way back into the booth, setting the drink down. the doctor took note of how riled up adam and the other table seemed to be. now that the member of the group had sat and adam had his drink, they could continue their date.

"i heard you shouting." lawrence whispered in that all too calm voice of his. "you dont have to defend me, adam. people are going to make fun of me, i know it. but i can handle it. im an adult too."

adam scoffed as he took a sip of his beer, "i fuckin hate people, larry."

"i know you do, sweetheart."

the date ended soon after, a quick kiss and a hefty bill that adam was shocked lawrence was able to pay for in full cash concluding their time spent at the restaurant. adam gave the table a very nice fuck you flip off as they left, taking larry's - his larry's - hand in his own and leading them out to that fancy ass bmw.

______

how 2 write ending?

[yellowbluemoonshine]

Did you saw my hero ending

Bnha Ending;

I was gonna answer this ask, after the story end but i dont think it matters. My answer would probably still be same. I think the story always had issues with writing but it 'especially' went down after the war arc. But i thought it couldnt be worse than what we already get with last arc. And then author ruined both Izuku and Shigaraki's character by killing Shiggy. Its almost like author didnt even bother with them. They didnt even get cool interaction moments Shouto had with Touya and Ochaco had with Toga. It wasnt surprise because he ruined Izuku's character to make Bakugou look better. Author even admitted he forgot Deku's father. Its like he didnt even bother his own main character, even though it supposed to be most important character. Because it is HIS story.

Its even worse since we know Deku was all about saving people and saving Tenko, saving Shigaraki is the main mission of his character arc. Thats how he can be the greatest hero. Deku was never about power...at least at the beginning of his character. Story is all about how messed up society is but author didnt want to make heroes look bad. He killed most dangerous villains (Afo, Shiggy, Toga etc). Dabi only stayed 'alive' so that Todoroki family, heroes can have good ending. I think author didnt want to risk his story, he didnt want to loose interests of his fans and thats the reason Bnha is ruined. I think he really shouldve get rest, instead of forcin himself to write something he doesnt seem to interested in too much anymore. It would be better, if he never continued this story. I would prefer that, instead of what we got in the end. Its a shame really.

Although Bnha end up becoming disappointing for me, i am glad that i experienced the story because it is the main reason i opened my account in Tumblr and Twitter. First time i read character analysis and started to write in here. Even though, characters are ruined, i still love them. And it was fun to analyze them. I also met a lot of people in here. Of course, i had many bad experiences too, it was awfull but i also met a lot of friends. I am so happy to meet them and that I am here. So i am not regret that i read this story at all.

I think canon ending will be this ending for me, because I think it fits story better and what author originally (similarly) planned to do. I put one of my favorite scenes as gif too. So yeah, thanks for the ask and thank you for everyone for reading my Bnha posts. I am still gonna be around here. Not for Bnha but for other series, games or whatever i am interested in ^^.

[ainri]

hello! I'm the one who asked for one of illumi (yandere) could you make it headcanons?

illumi zoldyck as a yandere (hcs and drabble.)

•hunter x hunter

•yandere illumi headcanons + small drabble

•mostly fem oriented

•assasin/servant reader

•fic warinings: !dark content!, mentions of death multiple times including reader + reader’s family, insinuated character death at end, forced labor, undergarmnet theft, swear words, mild gaslighting, obsessive thoughts.

•🔞

•masterlist

•a/n: this is my first request so ty!!! tbh i rlly like writing yanderes like its just so fun? anyways someone should really do a crime count because i had to put some extra stuff in the fic warning so that people wouldn’t go crazy on me or call me insensitive 🥰sorry for the wait i completely forgot abt tumblr…..🙊if it doesnt make sense its because i rushed it bc i felt bad for how long i kept my anon waiting (sorry anon pookiebear) and its 1:27am 😞😞

continuation of this post!

<🌟🌟🌟>

-how did you end up this position again?

-oh yeah thats right! your parents were also assasins who just happened to have ‘issues’ with the zoldycks.

-they had personal issues with silva due to a deal gone wrong between the two assassin families.

-how did silva handle getting played by your parents? by sending out an order to kill them.

-but silva is a higher class man with much bigger issues. who’s better to do the job than his son illumi?

-of course the original order was to kill you, your father, and your mother.

-when illumi saw you walking back onto your family’s estate something in him just snapped.

-he just couldn’t help it; he had to have you, no matter the cost.

-that was the moment he realized he couldnt just let you die or kill you.

-you were…special?

-that was the first mission he had ever failed… he just couldnt bring himself to kill you.

-after silva finished beating the shit out of him; illumi had an idea.

-illumi spoke of this idea to silva; to make you a personal servant in return for you and your parents’ lives.

-of course silva agreed, once silva privately told you of this ‘agreement’ you had to agree.

-best to not test the zolycks’ willpower and to not test the waters.

-working as illumi’s personal servant was fine, that was before your panties started disappearing randomly from your laundry bin.

-“master illumi, i hate to bother you with this but have you seen my panties?”

-“no. what are you saying servant?”

-he quickly retorted back, almost, no, way too quickly.

-of course, this all started to add up when the male zoldyck house staff started to ignore you + avoid you like the plague.

-apologizing profusely to you over the smallest mistakes or accidents.

-this was all bizzare…. you needed answers, as quickly as possible.

•••

it was a calm day of cleaning when suddenly you walked in on it—illumi torturing your male coworker who helped you clean the atrium yesterday. “master illumi, what are you doing?” the servant asked horrified and confused,

“none of your business servant-“ he stopped himself to reword his sentence, “you know what? no! i was teaching him a lesson for speaking to you. besides you only belong to me!-right? right? say you belong to me! i killed all of those men—no, boys for you and you can’t even say, ‘thank you master illumi.’!?” he was yelling, now losing his temper.

“master illumi i didnt ask for you to kill for me! whats wrong with you? you-you-you psychopath! youre being completely delusional and irrational!—“

CLANG

all you saw was black as you felt your vision go blurry with illumi hitting you in the head with skme heavy blunted off object.

“i don’t appreciate that (name), i don’t appreciate it at all. you ungrateful woman. all i ever wanted to do was love you. clearly you cant even allow me to do that much. what a shame.”

END

••••••••

©2023 ainri; do not repost my work without credit or repost my work in a different language♡

[suffarustuffaru]

Scrolling through your blog is such a fun experience, you bring an absolutely great vibe to this fandom and I love it SO MUCH. Could even say you restored my hope in it, since there has been some aspects that made me force myself to leave it, and I hope me bringing one of them up here won't upset anyone.

Now I completely understand if you wish to not answer my ask, but I figured it's worth a shot. So, one of said aspects was a controversy regarding one of the rezero characters that made me feel like you can't mention them without being called names (mostly on tiktok, but other social media also, tho not as much).

Yeah I'm talking about Felix. I'm not transphobic by any means, and I'm fine with people headcannoning whatever they want, but seeing thousands of people calling others transphobic for calling Felix a 'he' made me so unsafe I forced myself to look for other interest. Which is funny since most of the people saying this weren't even part of the fandom. I was wondering if anyone else here had similar situations and just.. how do you deal with it? It seems silly, I know, but feeling like I can't speak about a rather important character from a media I love made me so upset.

No matter how much I tried explaining it, they either dismiss it or say Tappei made him a trans girl without knowing.

Now, if you do decide to answer this and say that Felix indeed may have been 'trans coded' a little bit (Did I used that term correcly? Idk) I'll understand (hell, I would probably agree, you character analysis are great), I'm just upset at the absolute lack of respect for any other way of referring to Felix other then she/her.

(Also in case people don't know, their proof of Felix being a trans girl is the scene from EX1, with the whole calling himself a girl in front of a mirror thing)

Sorry for this is being long and probably messy I just had to get this off my chest.. also I hope I didn't came of as offensive in any way, if I did I'm really sorry.

hi there anon! first of all - aw thank you for your compliments about me and my blog. im super passionate about rezero (though thats probably super clear to anyone whos seen any content i make for a while aljsdlkf) and well. ive been lurking about in this fandom since summer 2020 so i definitely understand having to leave/distance yourself from this fandom because outside of tumblr, the rezero fandom is kind of . well. to put it simply, theres a lot of metaphorical landmines unfortunately!! T^T and admittedly i wouldve left this fandom a lot sooner if i didnt stick to my own corner and curate spaces with other people who were super chill (like lots of people lurking about here on tumblr + rz tumblr in general!!). so i totally understand how you feel anon (and youre not silly for being upset, i promise!), though admittedly im not super super familiar with some rezero spaces (such as rz twitter) bc i 1. dont speak japanese and 2. i try very hard to avoid the negativity whenever possible!! T^T

and also i apologize for taking a while to answer your ask!! you're one of my older asks that kinda got lost in my drafts hah but i also just wanted to like. take extra care with your ask bc its a super important topic. like not just to me (though its definitely important to me) but its important in general. and i really like felix so. <3

a quick disclaimer is that i myself am not transfem. i am however afab and most likely genderqueer!! (im winging it as i go hah.) felix is also not a character id say im as well-versed in yet, but i do like felix a lot and ex1 changed my entire brain chemistry. and ill also be defaulting to he/him pronouns in this post because thats what he uses in canon.

felix is - at the end of the day - a fictional character, and tappei is a cis man who doesnt Entirely write characters like felix through a queer lens. arguably tappei is Self-Aware when he writes characters who are into other characters of the same sex (though the Representation is arguably a little bit questionable at times depending on how you look at it), but when it comes to characters like felix or subaru who have some Gender Stuff going on, it's more nebulous there. i dont know if tappei 100% realizes he's made characters that could be read as Trans/Genderqueer (emphasis on "read as", because i support different interpretations of these characters), but tappei Definitely Is Very Aware that gender and gender presentation and gender roles are super important when it comes to characters like felix, subaru, and crusch.

i think tappeis own perceptions of gender and gender roles do bleed a bit into the text as much as tappei is pretty purposeful with themes surrounding gender in rezero, but rezero itself still has all sorts of identity issues to explore with a lot of its characters and gender is a big part of that!!

so first and foremost im gonna be examining felix the best i can Purely Off Of The Canon Text, though i do like viewing rezero from a queer lens myself (and it is arguably very queer). im gonna talk first about felix and then ill move onto talking about my personal feelings on rezero fandom stuff :o !!

so felix's relationship with his gender is complicated and he Absolutely does not fit into traditional gender roles or gender presentation right now. these are undeniable. and if people headcanon felix as transfem thats totally understandable and valid!! but to say a headcanon is 100% canon and that other interpretations of a character as complex as felix are invalid isnt exactly it. for sure. i mean i myself interpret him as nonbinary haah. but felix's relationship with gender is so so so So complicated that i dont think you could just say hes transfem and then Not Elaborate More.

but regardless of how Exactly you label felix, i think you could possibly say that hes trans coded. tappei, even if he probably doesnt entirely know hes made pretty genderqueer characters, is Aware and Purposeful of how gender affects felix and his perception of himself and his identity and other peoples perception of him and this is brought up Over and Over Again in canon—felix’s gender identity, at the moment, aligns more with femininity in his presentation in every way, though he still perceives himself as masculine. felix’s case is complicated, and while im not entirely sure on this i think you could argue that hes trans coded—“coding” suggests a level of intent when making these characters, and i think that intent is present in some way with tappei. because tappei Knows just how important gender is with felix’s character and you can tell with how often and how Integral it is to felix’s entire character.

(more under the cut) (i do have a habit of being rambley/wordy sometimes if. if you couldnt tell already. but i hope this response is up to your standards!!)

these three analysis posts on felix's relationship with gender have all discussed this topic in-depth before i have, and i 1. really like the rezero content i see from all three of these people and 2. they All have slightly different takes based on the canon we have but also some similar points. because felix is complicated!! of course our takes are probably gonna be a bit different - he's a multifaceted character with such a complex relationship with his gender that it's hard to tell what every single one of his personal feelings on it is (especially when at the moment he hasnt appeared in the main story since arc 5 and he still has a Lot of character development to do). and of course fiction is fiction, we can all take away any sort of meaning from a story like this.

but you know. this is my post so im gonna try to analyze felix right now and say my two cents on what i think of his relationship with gender.

so im gonna try not to retread too much on what liquidstar, sufferu, and gourmet of gluttony have already said about felix (and i think theyre all very smart people with interesting analysis posts and theyve all explained their thoughts pretty well) and instead add on with my own thoughts - theres this felix excerpt from arc 4 wn that i think about sometimes. im gonna put it down here!!

and also important to note—like other people have mentioned, crusch and felix made a “deal” of sorts in the past where crusch takes on felix’s masculinity and felix takes on crusch’s femininity. and also like other people have said—and i myself have said in the past—i do have some mixed feelings on this wkdndn and as i said before also i do wish tappeis feelings on gender bled a little less when theyre Not Integral To The Story. bc i dont think tappei 100% knows hes made trans coded characters, but. anyway yeah so thats the whole deal with crusch felix. and in its own right i think it has So Many Interesting Implications!!

i think when it comes down to it, gender presentation IS a bit of a performance, isn't it? like i love to wear dressses and skirts and i love to keep my hair short and wear suits, but you know - these sorts of things tend to be gendered. our gender is often perceived through how we present ourselves, but in recent years gender roles being attached to clothing has gotten a bit less Rigid. but these rigid roles associated with presentation are even more dialed up to Eleven in a medieval world like the rezero fantasy world. and i dont use the word "performance" in a negative way -

what i mean is that when it comes to felix's character, does felix think he's a boy because that's what he's been told? does he think he's a boy because he TRULY sees himself that way, or does he THINK he has to see himself as one? does felix try to present and perform femininity, ie as or like a traditionally feminine girl, purely ONLY for crusch's sake, or is it because felix ALSO WANTS to? what does felix think of gender outside of crusch? who is felix outside of crusch? who is felix outside of tying his entire personality to other people? does felix’s femininity show the “radiance of ferris’ soul” bc of the deal he made with crusch or bc this truly is felix’s soul? these are like the big questions behind his entire character and character arc that would determine in the end how felix identifies in both his gender and In General.

so what is felix's identity at the moment? bc right now, felix is stuck between his feminine self, tied to crusch, a symbol of crusch, tied to his own reliance on crusch and worship of her—and his masculine self, someone broken off from crusch. felix is tied to crusch right now to worrying extents with his obsessive devotion to the point of changing himself to mold into her image, and beyond that, hes still tied to guilt surrounding fourier’s death. gourmet of gluttony puts all of this way way more intelligently than i ever could, but at the end of the day, i think the best narrative decision here would be for felix to accept himself in ALL of his entirety.

healing in rezero is noted to be a kind power, specifically by fourier and fourier saying this right to felix when hes the most talented healer in lugunica, and healing itself is often stereotypically feminine activity. knighthood is stereotypically masculine, and on top of all this, we see in ex1 that biehn argyle twists the power of healing into something grotesque—trying to bring back the dead and revive what cant be revived, which is once again another reoccurring theme in rezero.

how far can “from zero” go? what HAS to stay dead and what can be revived? who is allowed to live? HOW do you live freely? felix is someone born from a horribly abusive and neglectful family who twisted healing magic’s kindness into cruelty, felix is someone who was taken into a family that showed him kindness and now hes desperate to pay them back with everything he has and everything he is, felix is a healer who lashes out when hes cornered and a healer who treasures life and a knight who cant physically fight like the others, felix is someone stuck with the horrible knowledge that he cant save everyone—that some things just Couldnt end better no matter how much he wished for it to.

felix is stuck between all kinds of worlds, and in terms of gender, hes quite literally still stuck between boyhood and manhood in the biological sense—hes purposefully made it so that he hasnt hit puberty yet so he can better pass as feminine. he hasnt Physically Grown past puberty—which is the mark of becoming an adult. and he hates himself in a number of ways, but he also hates himself for failing to be traditionally masculine. his abusive family stole ten years of his life and the torture left him physically weaker, so he cant be strong physically, which is something associated with traditional masculinity. felix is the best healer, a traditionally feminine job and skill, but he cant save everyone. felix becomes more feminine as part of his deal with crusch, but while crusch accepts her femininity and masculinity readily, and while crusch’s memory is erased by gluttony—felix is left behind, alone, still holding onto femininity while not entirely being able to hold onto it while he also cant entirely hold onto the traditional masculinity he expects out of himself. and with arc 3 on, felix feels hes failed both fourier and crusch. the two most important male and female figures in his life.

felix is basically stuck in this liminal space where hes not Enough for himself in literally every direction, and the only way out is to accept every part of himself and move forward by trying to define who he is without other people—his birth family and his found family dont define him. they can shape him, sure, but he has to stop shaping himself to meet them and figure out how to let himself just. Be. and take up a space thats firmly his. from a queer lens, this kind of thing is pretty queer—because to stop being in between worlds, you have to accept everything instead of splitting yourself into halves over and over again. killing or maiming yourself or parts of yourself is no way to live, and felix is Life itself.

and i think regardless of the Exact Labels you could give felix, i think his arc—which is perfectly in line with all of rezeros themes—is inherently about self acceptance and the bridging of the gap and combination of femininity and masculinity. felix is both and identifies, in one way or another, with both, similar to how he loves someone who identifies with both (crusch) and just as hes loved her and fourier. imo it wouldnt be right for felix to choose one or the other in terms of feminine vs masculine—he needs to be the one learning and navigating his honest feelings on both sides bc i think he Yearns to be both. hes a boy who dresses like a girl and its up to him to know if he wants to be a man and/or a woman due to his own internal desire or if parts of that is Only due to external pressures.

--

and alright now that ive said all my thoughts on felix atm im gonna address the other questions you had in your ask!! note that this is just my opinions and thoughts regarding my own experience in the english fandom, you dont have to agree or anything 👍

but i AM very sorry about your negative experiences in this fandom. T^T people calling other transphobic for using he/him for felix (and also people being transphobic about characters like felix or subaru/natsumi in general) is something ive seen as well. the rezero fandom is sadly very often toxic and Bigoted in a lot of ways (with the exception of rezero tumblr and certain segments of rezero ao3, from what ive seen), which is Ironic for a story thats so clearly about love and self-acceptance, which is also ironic because arguably tappei and otsuka and the rezero marketing team (i Love the female characters in rezero but theres just so much sexualized or vaguely sexist merch/moments that dont add to the story, you know? kind of just. misses the point of their characters sometimes.) sort of contribute to it a little bit as much as tappei does do some really great things with his writing.

rezero is the first fandom ive been active in but its definitely not the first ive ever been in, and ive been in some insane fandoms before. like i said earlier though, i think i just cope by curating my experience to what i like, yknow? liking posts i enjoy, looking at stuff i enjoy, etc :O !! fandom is a hobby so i try not to look at negative stuff when i can help it wkdnd. which im sure youre aware about already but i always have to keep reminding myself of this bc places like rezero reddit or twitter get pretty rough!! but its really helped me just following artists and creators i like, enjoying their content, chatting with cool people i vibe with, rezero tumblr being the chillest rezero space in the whole fandom, and its also helped me a lot making rezero content of my own—like this whole blog!! its really shocked me how much people seem to value my thoughts enough to ask me things frequently but i appreciate it pfft. and i hope you guys like reading my posts!!

but yeah like. curate, curate, curate. it helps a LOT and it gets me excited to experience rezero not only by myself you know? not that i didnt have fun by myself but its its own level of fun finally finding spaces to have fun with others!! and i LOVE finding beautiful fanart!! chef’s kiss. and trying to be the change i want to see is satisfying on its own :,) i want to post random shit about rezero, so i post it. i want to make fanart for fun and share it. i want to brute force people into loving otto more so i ottopost (dont worry, i still hate him bc true otto fans also hate him at the same time <3 /lh). i want more queer rezero content so i try to make some more!! brings more personal power i think and its very fun!! and it helps with lessening the quiet despair of fandom toxicity ;-;; (which is something ive done many times and will continue to do sometimes so i feel your pain 🫂) and i promise theres cool people in the fandom 👍 i may reply late to asks or dms but im ALWAYS down to talk about rezero things its so fun 👍👍

and its really really hard sometimes to deal with fandom toxicity especially if its forcefully knocking at your door—definitely dont force yourself to stay or look at things if you cant, bc thats totally understandable!! and i myself have been harassed a little in the past. but definitely having some sort of coping—the block button, backing out of things you dont agree with or like, lots and lots of curating, etc—helps me a lot. and i think mental health wise i feel much better trying to look on the bright side of things!! its MY hobby goddammit!! ill fight people subaru-style if they try to poison it!! and however long anyone reading this decides to spend with rezero and rezero tumblr—you are welcome here 👍

but yes my very Long rambling aside - i hope this post somewhat helped you!! felix is a very important character that i like very much and need to learn more about and i have Many Feelings on the english side of this fandom, but im very grateful to all the cool people ive met over the years here for sure!! :o

also ill probably post the finished version soon but if youve read this far here is a sneak peak of felix art i did recently (just as a reward for once again reading all of my Endless Yapping)👍👍

[momo-shut-the-fuck-up]

Long post discussing/critiquing the unicorn/nightmare hell event story. Spoilers ahead of course

I dont mean to be a hater here. I love shining nikki and the story its tryin to tell, and i dont know if this is a new development or not- i can t remember anythin about the last lore relevant event but i do remember i had a LOT of fun with desire/leonid- however.

I feel like unicorn/nightmare was poorly written. The structure for a great event story is there, there s no issues in that regard, but it s just- how can i describe it.. the writing feels amateurish? I didnt quite get the emotion in everyone's nightmares. I didnt get the feel that this nightmare was as bad as the narration tried to make it seem it is. I didnt even know the entire world was plunged in a nightmare and i feel like thats kinda critical info (and if they did tell and i forgot, disregard this whole sentence)

We kinda jumped through unconnected nightmares and thats ok, i guess, but it felt like nikki and player kinda just. Decided to fix everyone and immediately had the correct answer because of course they do, its nikki and player. I think dodora s nightmare was the best out of the bunch, but even with her, i didnt feel that emotion that i shouldve felt.

I was thinking while reading that in comarison to life makeover, sn's story isnt presented that well visually. They sure got better! Aloysius' vines, all the different lights that appear due to whatever crystal the current story is about, yknow, all those vfx they added. Thats super good and they should do more. But that s the thing, they need more. At the moment i feel like the story suffers a bit because not only is it not voiced, it feels quite static and inexpressive.

Ima use dodora s nightmare again as an example, but she was havin a whole breakdown over here, and her sprite looked just like the usual dodora... not even a pose change. And with how short it (and every other one) was, it really felt like the importance of the whole shebang was diminished.

I do appreciate that they seem to be makin an effort though. As far as i know sn makes way more money than life makeover, and their story presentation was fuckin great. I aint even askin for the same gameplay element that lm has (for context, you can investigate rooms for clues. They re 3d, linear, and can be skipped, but they re nice for immersion) or for live2d models, but i Am kinda asking for more sprites and more animations of the sprites. Make em bounce a bit! Or shake! And i wish we saw the old god.... maybe an abstract representation of them in the bg... just. Something... we were fighting a blank arena while the narration was trying to convince me some epic shit was happening.

Oh and also write the story better. I feel like i didnt explain that great but i think its the biggest downfall atm even though i didnt focus on it much on this post.... narration is very flowery and detailed, dialogue does the job, yet there s something missing from it all imo. U can have the blandest visuals ever but if ur writing is good it doesnt matter... thats why vooks exist yknow. At the same time, you re a visual novel sn, so u should be usin the visual part better... anyway this is long enough. Post

[ranposgirlboss]

~bsd comfort hcs~

this came about while i was cleaning dishes and scanning my check in from work LMAOAKSIUJSAHb (this is pretty much just a more elaborate ver of my other one)

can also be seen as romantic or platonic!!

charas: sigma, ranpo, poe, chuuya, and nikolai

genre: FLUFF!!!!!!! some mild hurt comfort <3

I ALSO STARTED THIS AFTER WORK SO IT MIGHT KINDA SUCK SINCE IM SO TIRED OMFG 😭 IM SORRY IF IT DOES ILL GIVE U A KISS IN RETURN

(it slowly goes more and more downhill)

LESSGOOO ₍₍ ◝(　^∀ ^ )◟ ⁾⁾

---------------------------------------

SIGMA

-SIGMAA (my crush on this man grows bigger by the day), so as i mentioned last time he would know when there's something wrong pretty quickly!!

-sigma would probably play a game of cards with you to distract you for a bit tbh (he will hesitantly agree to play uno AJHNMAKBHJS HIM PKAYING UNO WOULD BE SO FUNNY but anyways.)

-may or may not try to lose on purpose in an attempt to make you happier

-seems like a speed typa guy (that card game is so fun its the best one)

-after a bit and once youve calmed down, he'll ask what happened to you

-if you to choose to explain, he would probably gossip about it with you, or tell you its ok and you're doing great <33

-if you choose not to, he totally understands! he'll just keep on playing the card game with you, or yall could go do something else!!

-VERY GOOD COMFORT!!

RANPO

-lets all be honest with ourselves

-he isnt the BEST at comfort

-however, that doesnt necessarily mean that hes BAD at it

-he will take a bit to notice, as he is pretty absorbed in cases, eating snacks, and being a dense genius that cant tell peoples emotions that well!!

-but, you can always ask him to distract you for a bit if your emotions are very big

-hes very good at distracting you

-probably will say "stop staying cooped up inside!! >:(" and just grab you and take you to some bakery to eat sweets with him, to play video games with you!!

-since he gets that youre not in the best mood, hell try his best not to steal your food. keyword: best.

-playing games with ranpo is so fun don't even

-he probably wouldnt be the best at responding well if you ranted to him, would probably say that he's sorry but that's kinda the best he can do

-if you dont wanna talk about it, perfect!! ranpo is internally scared you might lash out at him due to his lack of actual response ಥ‿ಥ

-pretty good at comfort, mostly just turns to yall hanging out tho!!

POE

-im never gonna stop writing for him be prepared to see him in every hcs <33

-at first he wouldnt know what to do

-i mean, hes barely even had any FRIENDS to comfort.....sooooooooooooooo

-his version of comfort is like buying a mansion if you feel sad

-i mean thats somehow the ONLY conclusion

-"you dont feel sad anymore right y/n ( ꈍᴗꈍ)"

-I MEAN YOU CANT FEEL SAD WHEN YOURE SUPER SHOCKED SO IT KIND OF WORKS JUST....NOT THE WAY YOU EXPECTED

NIKOLAI

-THE SILLY.

-HE IS THE PRIME JOKESTER. HE WILL MAKE YOU LAUGH, NO MATTER WHAT IT TAKES.

-he just doesnt wanna see you sad, BUT HE DOESNT KNOW HOW TO ACTUALLY COMFORT PEOPLE

-so, he will make you laugh. to distract you from the problem.

-he very well knows that this wont help in the long run, but i mean, what is he gonna do?? learn how to ACTUALLY comfort you?? why would he do that when he can be silly instead????? (same)

-if you didnt laugh at his jokes, well, then he'll shock you out of sadness.

-will literally fucking teleport your whole body some place random. (use his silly ability, idfk what its called 😭)

-like im not fucking joking

-so laugh for your own sake

-OR YOURE GOING TO THE VOID!!!

CHUUYA

-i eat my manga chuuya'os everyday (get it??? because cheerios and chuuya, so if you combine the names you get chuuyios/chuuya'os. laugh.)

-hot take, I THINK HE WOULD BE REALLY GOOD AT COMFORT

-LIKE NO CAP

-he would probably just bluntly ask you what was wrong, and if you don't want to explain, that's alright.

-im not gonna shut up about him taking you on motorcycle rides.

-i never WILL >:(

[moonshynecybin]

unfortunately I do not have the skills to write this but I’ve been thinking so much about vale and marc fucking after assen 2015. vale being on cloud nine because he just won and marc has been showing him through his words and body language that he’s capable of feeling anger towards vale too, and it makes vale feel less of a piece of shit for having experienced this exact same feeling towards marc from the start of the season. and marc is so mad but he can’t just reject vale one of the few time he’s actually in a good mood, he can’t reject vale at all really. while vale just wants to kiss marc so bad to taste the bitterness in his mouth. also i know vale loves when marc is acting like a brat towards him, playing hard to get, which makes vale even more insane when marc still ends up losing his head under vale’s hands 🙃

assen 2015 is weird because looking back yeah of course vale was more irritated about marc's reaction than he said, and the relationship was probably starting to show its cracks a bit more. BUT assen was in JUNE and they didnt actually get divorced until OCTOBER. so theres like four full months of them still being visibly on good terms (they did post race grabby hands at sachsenring! and indy! and motegi!) until the ACTUAL trigger for divorce kicks in and vale starts feeling the pressure of jorge gaining and the uccio Telemetry Powerpoint of Evil influences his whims. and as much as ive written essays about assen as linchpin to divorce, it should be noted that both of them were very sweet and happy in that post-race pressconference, and even when theyre disagreeing theyre joking around! like rosquez dont generally like to do their confrontations head-on off-track (with a few notable exceptions). even in argentina. send uccio etc. SOOO all this to say they were absolutely fucking nasty at assen. undoubtably. i was there i SAW it

and it IS a little tense from vale but alsooooo they are not talking about why it is tense (vale is TRYINGGG to be cool and chill and marc is still cheerfully stubborn in believing he should win but also being like. its on track why would that matter to vale ?? he is like me he can separate it :) [<- clueless]) so i think. in order to incorporate the lovelyyyy idea you had about marc being a little brat and to incorporate their insanely messed up communication style during this period we can have marc JOKING (not entirely) about how he should have won in a bratty little skit that doesnt quiteeee land and vale playing along, while still nurturing a beautiful knot of resentment in his narrow little elf-man chest...

like marc IS being a leedle annoying a little goofy and vale usually finds it more charming BUT he also WON todayyyyyy and he loves assen so hes gonna have some fun. hot twink that he is in love with is throwing himself at him cmon. and maybe marc is postrace sweaty, shows up at wherever vale is... and hes like midsentence jabbering about the chicane or whatever, playing petulant but not really that mad, laughing more than anything, and vale's sitting down and cannot fucking believe this guy but also. this is before the paranoia sets in!!! and thats just marc!!! and hes being goofy and so beautiful and IRRITATING and vale just pulls him into his lap. cuts him off with an absolutely NASTY kiss. much ado about nothing voice come, i will stop thy mouth... and it starts off with vale getting a little rougher than normal. a little handsier. biting a little harder. line of hickies up marc's neck like this imageeee and a hand big and possessive on his lower back. consuming. and marc is so lost in the babygirl sauce hes just like completely onboard for the vibe shift when vale starts tugging at his clothes and thatsssss why he rates assen as his favorite moment of the season later <3 because vale fought with him on track and then made him come TWICE <3

[likeadog]

i think i hauve a crush on you can you talk about ibara more

okay um teehee ill try to say something i havent just said a million times before o7

um but!!! one thing i think is interesting about her is ofc her hairstyle and the fact the crown of thorns very clearly had to have been styled herself (given we see her without it as well and just like, the nature of her hair) and in the sheet for her hero costume it says that "if she gets cold she can just wrap herself in her thorns". which is like, curious to me in that we know her thorns have some cutting and scraping power-- she expresses being worried about people getting scratched in the light novels, we see kirishima and kaminari covered in scrapes after getting wrapped up, etc. so this to me implies one of two things: either her skin is naturally just like, too tough to feel it, or shes gotten used to it

given like, what the crown of thorns represents and ibaras whole hardcore humble nature, personally i think that instead of being predisposed to thorn immunity, shes just gotten used to the prickles over the years. thats why i like drawing her with a lot of teeny tiny blemishes and scars on her face/neck/shoulders when i draw her!

(some of these are old as fuck fojeroijtgojogj sorry)

i would really. really like to see the vine sweater though like whatever "wrapping herself in thorns" means. please horikoshi i want to see it

i also think ibaras personality is full of some really fun and interesting contradictions and sillyisms like i know ive hammered on about how a lot of the times she just kinda does her own thing, but i think its cool to note that shes not like, obscenely arrogant or reckless or whatever. we see her express uncertainty a few times; she gets stage fright before class b's play, as well as in the ova when she tells jirou that she hasnt ever played baseball before. I think with ibara, it's not that she believes shes good at everything and always correct: i think ibara knows what shes good at, and so on THOSE things she doesnt really give a lot of wiggle room, but with other things, shes a lot more willing to let other people take the lead because shes like idkkkkk idkkkkkk girl

theres also times when she does lie! i know youre gasping. scandalized. but i think its also a really interesting little bit of insight

in the light novels, theres a chapter about the girls luring mineta into revealing himself while hes trying to peep in the training camp baths so they can kick his ass, and in that chapter, kendou, yui, and ibara act as the "decoys". they fake a conversation while they fill the room with smoke with a machine yaomomo made, and then all the girls hang out after and have a slumber party. ibaras well aware of what theyre doing and why, and she doesnt express any regret or uncertainty on the matter, even though shishida using her as a decoy in combat was something she was shocked and upset by. not to mention, she also mentions having stolen minetas headband in a "deceitful way" during the sports fest, and only mentions it possibly being a bad thing when their team wakes up after being brainwashed by shinsou and is like "was that karma for doing that"

like, there's very clearly this precedent of her explicitly and exclusively thinking of deception as 100% okay against mineta, which is hilarious, because we even see her apologize to gigantomachia.

This guy is trying to kill them. He is a "walking natural disaster". and shes still apologizing to him for outnumbering him. Which is hilarious. But she never once apologizes to Mineta. Given what that kind of thing means to Ibara, I think this makes her the character to express the most outright malice and hatred towards Mineta in the entire series. And she's right for that. (I don't know why so many people seem to ship them together also like what....anyways)

the biggest thing with ibara i think is that a lot of people will write her or write her off a certain way because of her initial gimmick and so they just kinda automatically assign a personality and traits based on the very western american concept of a devout christian. which is fair, i guess, like i get it, but ibara isn't in america (shes in a country where christianity is very heavily a minority) and i think most importantly, she's still a 16 year old girl. a very weird, very super powered 16 year old girl, but the appeal of the bnha students as characters is that even with all their funny habits and quirks, they're still VERY 16, and ibara is no different. the girl may talk about flayings and the body of the lord, but she still wears little pink sneakers to gym and gets nervous performing in a school play and has to worry about her math class.

and another one of her funny contradictions ive also spoken about but the way in which she speaks i think is another interesting facet. we know ibara is a very above-board, straightforward, honorable kid who hates lying or any type of deception. she has a moral panic over basic tactical maneuvers. but the way she talks is so esoteric that a lot of her peers dont seem to really understand her, and she seems almost completely oblivious to that fact? again, take an example from the light novels: iida asks what he just ate in the hot pot penalty game, and ibara says "the body of our lord..." to which he responds "A BODY?!" and its only when Yaomomo clears up that she's talking about bread does it get clarified at all. I can only think of one or two instances when Ibara clarifies what the fuck she's talking about at any time, and that's with a very direct set of questions. Another example is Shishida and his nickname:

It's very clear that he doesn't want to be called that, but they continue nonetheless.

And I don't think any of this is at odds with Ibara's very straightforward, guileless nature. I think it's just a "translation error"-- Ibara thinks what she's saying is exactly the same as what everyone else is saying, and doesn't get that most people don't have the context or background to decode how she speaks. They're "synonyms"-- but only to her, and nobody else. It's interesting! And I think it could provide a lot of interesting play with other characters who haven't had to adapt to it yet, or even with characters who by necessity would-- like Kaminari and Sero, who do work studies with her.

anyway eeeeek i have to get ready to go to work love you bye <3

[ganondoodle]

another thing i feel has deepend my hatred for totk is... how quickly people jump to defending it, as soon as there is any criticism at all, no matter how little or legit, anyone that expresses disappointment, even in the most tamest way possible, the comments are filled with excuses for it like nintendo can do no wrong

(saw someone express disappointment about a concept art in the totk book that they would have liked more than what we got, and the comments were filled with people making excuses for it-)

often the process of cool concepts getting less cool over the development cycle, especially in this modern gaming industry, isnt bc it just wasnt 'possible' or not the best choice, but bc it gets filtered through many layers of corporate "mass appeal" ideals for greater profit, "mass appeal" i think is always going to give you something more generic, losing its edge, its spark, you cant make soemthing that literally appeals to everyone, thats not how it works, but they certainly try anyway bc it promises greater profit in theory

of course, that doesnt mean that has to be the reason for whatever they decide to go for in the end, but they can do wrong, very questionable, and very much bad things, they have done that and ARE doing that, and you should be able to express disappointment about that without getting swarmed by a weird nintendo defense squad, in fact, it SHOULD be criticised, sometimes that can even be fun, sometimes mroe frustrating, but it should be done regardless, does it sound fun to jsut fully accept everything they throw in front of you without question??? does that sound like you will only get better things???

i just realyl hate that weird cult following (exaggeration) the game has amassed where you either worship it or must unreasonably hate it, that you cant express any sort personal feelign towards it that isnt praise without being hit by the squad tm

its not just annoying, its weird, what are you defending them for?? why??? i had this problem a while too, but its died down sicne then, probably bc people realized im not the 'average' fandom guy but a very specific kind of fandom guy- whenever i view outside my little bubble though i see it still happen ... even for the most miniscule of criticism

(dont get me started on how i have MASSIVE gameplay and design frustrations about totk and dont really understand how so many people can say the gameplay is stellar and jsut the writing sucks .... bc its not ..)

[missn00tson]

Am I the only person that hated s4 of tua?

Look, i am a big fan of the series, and I was so happy when the new season came out.

And s3 was a bit long for me, in the sense that some scenes were boring, so I wasnt too unhappy with a shorter season.

But what was this

Spoilers for The umbrella Academy season 4!

First of all, the whole Five and Lila relationship.

They are platonic friends, like siblings. Who thought it would be a fun idea to make them romantic all of a sudden?

"Oh, but they got stuck in time for 7 years its only natural"

You have to be shitting me.

I've been celibate for over 7 years, you think I'd date my brothers WIFE if we spend time tgt for those years? No. Fuck no.

It doesnt even seem to click with Five's personality, because he's so insanely loyal and caring towards his family. He would not do that, if we were to follow his personality from s1 to 3.

This brings me to Ben.

I have never been the biggest sparrow Ben fan, I'll admit that. I've always been an umbrella Ben fan and sometimes I wished sparrow Ben was more like him.

So you can imagine, I was happy when he started to appear more caring for Jeniffer.

Until they totally switched up his character.

Yes, he was influenced by the bond (which reminds me of the whole nesting situation of the last episode, which I must admit was very entertaining) which made him more loving yadaydaydaya. But everyone shows their love in a different way, sparrow Ben' type of loving is in no way shape or form sweettalking and grossly cutesy forms of affaction.

You might think so (the writers apparently did) but I surely disagree.

So his personality was, as you might guess, also out of the window.

His talking brings me to my next point. The dialogue.

I'm not sure if its just me, but it was so.goddamn.messy.

It was no dialogue, it was just a bomb of one liners aiming for nothing.

It had no feeling, no personality. Its as if the writers saw the one liners we liked, pasted them into an ai engine, and let it spit out 100 new ones to fill the movie.

I would like to give specific examples, but it happened all.the.time. If you dont believe me, watch the last episode. The only in character person was Victor (even though he's not my bestie, I loved that they stayed true to his character) with wanting to save his siblings, standing up to their father, wanting to keep his peace but always choosing to help his siblings no matter how much they hurt him in the past.

He was the only one who felt like the same person as the other season. Even Reggie was a goddamn mess (and thats something to say about that uptight bastard)

Now this part is purely personal. But the plot? The scenes? The entire construction was such a mess.

First of all. 7 years in that station? 7years? Youre telling me that super smart old man Five didnt think to look at those lines first before stepping in that train? You think "I must know everything and enything about everything and anything" Five didnt look up, took a good glance at those letters and knew. "Mhmm. Thats that weird writing my father used. How bout I try to TRANSLATE it BEFORE i step on this mystery train?"

If you think him stepping on a random train, not even looking at the map he picked up is in charcater? Sincerely, quit shitting my dick cuz no way you think that.

And then him giving up on finding his siblings? He was in an apocalypse for what? 50 years? And he always kept the stupid eye, thinking it might save his siblings. And now, here he is, giving up on them cuz he' a lil lost in daddy's train station?

Babes, you cant be serious.

Im aware that this post is very opinionated, and perhaps negative, but thats just how itll be. But if you feel offended by anything here, I do apologise. I love the series aswell, but his season, felt more like a 12 year old' followup story of season 3 (and that is not to say that 12 yo' cant write, cuz some of them r amazing, but you get the idea) and I cant believe they actually funded this.

And that is not to start about the decisions they made. Ben making them drink the marigold? Five not just going back to that moment if he could time travel (which he coulve bcz him and Lila went back to the "present" which is 7 years earlier than when they were stuck). Then stop them from drinking the Sake/Marigold. Merging the marigold with Jennifer and everything is fixed? Bcz they didnt have their powers anymore?

Either way

I might follow up on this, I might not.

But I do hope that some share my opinion, even if many dont.

Bye loves!