#this is why people end up dead i'm being fucking failed by these people

[kaoskuantico]

I'll answer by parts:

she was reclaiming that space

That's a weird statement and you're just repeating what the writers said just because they said so. First of all, they didn't address Vi's trauma at all, and maybe it's just me but doing it with sex is a weird way of doing it.

jinx literally told her to

That felt OOC, even at her lowest point. As Vi said, Jinx saved Caitlyn's life despite her not willing to do the same. So Caitlyn thanked her by keeping Jinx in that ISOLATED cell? She said other people took her in before she got the chance to react. Okay, BUT I have two points about this.

Why didn't Caitlyn free her after the shock?

WHO took Jinx? In the battlefield it were only Cait and Ambessa's army, and the latter stayed with Ambessa to bury the dead. So...Who?

“it wasnt the time or place” ok so then what is the time or place?

Maybe...Not in Jinx's cell? Not right after Jinx told Vi she was going to "break the cycle"? Vi already knows or should know her sister is suicidal, in the first Act she saw it firsthand. And all this without having a proper conversation between Vi and Caitlyn, not even an apology for what happened in Act I, not for making her lose her father, permanently now. Cait was manipulated but she still played a crucial role in all of that.

Amanda said it herself, it was meaningful for Vi to free herself or her trauma related to being locked up both physically and mentally

The writers can say whatever they want, but as I said in another post (click), they can't do X in the show and say Z in interviews, that's just bad writing on their part. If they wanted to make Vi reclaim her trauma in that way, they should've dedicated time to it, not making up things AFTER the show ended. They lost the opportunity to show it.

yall just wanna take ANYTHING away from lesbians i swear

The only ships I like are wlw so this doesn't even apply to me. And for other personal reasons.

they barely got any screentime this season after the writers built up their relationship and arc SO MUCH in season 1 can we just have this one thing….

Whose fault is it? You said it yourself. They didn't develop their relationship properly. They fight, they suddenly are okay, they have another small fight and then suddenly have sex in her suicidal sister's cell.

even just IN the show stop blaming the characters for being horny in a weird place like their lives are MESSY and so is their relationship, they both went through hell especially vi, let them have this.

I still think it's weird. All I'm asking is have the same scene but in a bedroom??? After the war at least????? Just change the time and place and we're all good.

but it was so powerful how quickly Vi understood that Cait was on her side and supported her choices

Look, when Caitlyn pulled away the first time I thought "good, she's realizing Vi isn't in the right state of mind, they'll talk things through" and then Vi just says she doesn't fucking care.

Such a wasted opportunity to make them TALK and repair their relationship. Vi called her out once and all Cait said is "I know". Okay girl, we know you know, but that doesn't erase anything you and Ambessa did.

All of this can be summarized as "Amanda said it!", but if Amanda (and the other writers) failed to show it to the audience, that's their problem. They can't fix it with interviews.

can yall stop saying caitlyn came in the cell to f ck with vi like VI INITIATED IT😭 she was reclaiming that space she was finally letting herself be happy, like jinx literally told her to

“it wasnt the time or place” ok so then what is the time or place? their city is at war lmfao they just indulged in this for a very short time (the scene was only 2:28 btw.) and they deserved to, the place isnt as weird as yall make it to be, Amanda said it herself, it was meaningful for Vi to free herself or her trauma related to being locked up both physically and mentally

yall just wanna take ANYTHING away from lesbians i swear😭 they barely got any screentime this season after the writers built up their relationship and arc SO MUCH in season 1 can we just have this one thing…. even just IN the show stop blaming the characters for being horny in a weird place like their lives are MESSY and so is their relationship, they both went through hell especially vi, let them have this.

that being said i still do believe the scene would’ve carried a little more weight even with a few more lines of them talking about it all, or even caitlyn just saying “you didn’t lose me” before rizzing her up lol but it was so powerful how quickly Vi understood that Cait was on her side and supported her choices

[boy-above]

genuinely it is amazing that i am able to even get out of bed because these past two months have been some of the worst i've had in like a decade. genuinely in a perpetual state of "why is this happening to me" and "how are things going to get better after this" and "how will i ever have a future" like shit just keeps happening one thing after another i can't rid of it

[stil-lindigo]

The problem is the main things what they’re asking for is impossible for 99% of people, if we take off for a week from our job we lose that job. If we walk out for a week from university (since emailing and asking for notes to catch up undermines the whole point) we miss critical info fail the module and fuck up our degree. sure the side stuff is more acessable but when the main strike idea can’t be put into action your going to have all the momentum and impact of a dead slug, that’s why people are having difficulties.

hi anon. I understand that, and I empathise with the people who want to be doing more but can't, because capitalist society is built to punish us whenever we attempt to fight for a better life. But, again, you're approaching this in an unnecessarily defeatist way. The strike period hasn't even started for the northern hemisphere, and you're comparing the impact of the more 'accessible' strike actions to a dead slug.

I think if you approach resistant action with the idea that only massive gestures are worth anything, you're not going to get anywhere. You can make a difference by volunteering more this week, donating more to Palestinian escape funds and aid organisations, you can buy e-sims and connect human beings during the worst period of their life. It might not mean much to you, but donating the money that gets a Palestinian family food for the day, that helps them be able to text their families overseas - small actions can and do mean the world. One day I went fuck it, and kicked up a huge fuss on twitter because Gofundme refused to transfer a Palestinian man his funds. And, because of that small action on my part, he's going to get his money, even if it's weeks late.

And, just. One more time for good measure. This strike is being called by Bisan, a Palestinian journalist in Gaza who could quite literally be killed at any second. I know you mean well, but genuinely - what alternative does she have at this moment? It's nearing the end of the fourth month of genocide in Gaza. Palestinians have spent almost one third of a year being ruthlessly murdered with practically zero effective international pushback. If they're holding onto hope that action like this can make a difference, I'm not going to be pedantic and miserly about it.

[sapphire-weapon]

I've been thinking about this whole thing wrt Leon's morality and his conflict wrt his relationship to the government, and like

there's a big part of the story that's getting lost in all of this.

From 1999-2005, Leon was basically the government's little bitch. He was being held under duress via threats to Sherry's life and had absolutely no power, autonomy, or esteem within the government.

But after RE4, that completely changes. Yes, he still can't leave because of Sherry, but he starts to gain clout, and a sort of mythology surrounding him begins to form within the ranks of the government and the military. This is then amplified following Degeneration, especially after Ron Davis is found dead in his office (even though this wasn't Leon's doing; it was Tricell's -- but it was still Leon's actions that led to that moment).

We see the effects of that at the start of Infinite Darkness.

So then, fast forward to the end of ID -- the reason why Leon buries the story of what happened during ID wasn't because he was under orders to. I don't know where that perception comes from.

Leon buries the story at the end of ID as a thank you to President Graham. President Graham comes right to the edge of declaring war against a nation that didn't deserve it, but then he pivots at the very last second possible entirely based on Leon's word.

So, at this point, Leon has every reason to believe that he can effect change from within while also protecting people who have been good to him (in this case, the Grahams). And, as far as we know, there were no further incidents under President Graham's administration.

Then Adam Benford takes office, and now Leon has reached almost legendary status within the US government. He's able to -- seemingly right away -- get Benford to agree to open lines of communication with the BSAA (completely reversing course on the US's foreign policy up to that point), and the two of them work together to form the DSO. Remember -- the DSO was, at least in part, Leon's fucking idea.

Going into RE6, Leon has an enormous amount of political capital and uses it to the best of his ability. At this point in the series, if Leon wanted to start a civil war in the US, he'd have enough agencies and big enough chunks of the military behind him in order to do it. This is why Helena sought him out in the first place.

But then Derek Simmons turns out to be The Deep State (lmao), Leon is forced to kill Benford, and then we don't really know the state of the US government since then. It seems to not be going great, but we don't know why, and we won't know why until RE9 comes out.

If I had to guess, I'm willing to bet that Leon lost a lot of his esteem thanks to the events of RE6. Despite his legendary reputation, he still allowed Raccoon City 2.0 to happen under his watch in the form of Tall Oaks; Simmons was right under his nose the whole time, and Leon never sniffed him out -- so, not only did a fucking US President end up dead as a result, but the US was also then forced to put boots on the ground in China. It was a shitshow.

So, Vendetta and Death Island were almost kind of like... Leon attempting (and mostly failing) to claw his way back to where he was in his career pre-RE6.

Like, Leon has been an effective force for good in the US government. Him being a government agent doesn't make him morally gray because, within the confines of the story, he uses that position to enact positive change. And that's probably the biggest reason why he doesn't just leave.

But the conflict within his character comes in because he never wanted to be in this position in the first place and he resents it as a result, and the high-ranking officials around him -- with the exception of Graham and Benford -- don't engage with him in good faith. But he really just wants to cling to the belief that if he keeps doing a good job, they eventually will -- because he also knows that he'll have to take far more drastic measures within the government if he accepts that they won't.

And he knows that he can take those more drastic measures. It's within his power to do so. Because, at one point, he could have conceivably started a civil war.

But, being a Good Guy, he doesn't want that. So the conflict in his character persists.

[yuri-is-online]

Sorry for making you explain all the yutus but can you do Jades? Bros gotta be so overprotective 😬

Jokes on you I am always down to talk about Jade Leech (my beloved)

notes: they/them used for Yuu, for context on the fyuuture kid au can be found here and here. I think I typed up way more for this than anyone else up to this point, I'd apologize but it has been a second since I brain rotted about Jade, so excuse me for feeding myself (づ_ど)

Put yourself in Jade's shoes for a second.  He is a merfolk from the coral sea, only able to appear human through the use of a potion but still retaining his inhuman features.  He tries hard to appear human, he goes to a boot camp where so many things have to be explained that he is able to mimic but doesn't fully understand.  There's no reason for you to like him, he knows that better than anyone; he doesn't fully understand why he's attracted to you himself but he is.  And he longed after you for so long, he was drowning in his desire that had such a little chance of being reciprocated but by some miracle it was.  You stay in Twisted Wonderland, you let him take you under the sea and agree to be kept there.  You're going to give him a family, he's beyond excited and filled with feelings of love he didn't think he'd ever get to have.

And then it's gone.  There's no evidence as to why, no one to tell him where you went.  Azul starts off confident, excited at the prospect of revenge and encouraging Jade.  They'll find them, between him, Jade, and Floyd they'll find Yuu and someone will have a very bad day.  But there's nothing, they're being lied to and stonewalled at every turn and when finally (it's been 10 months 3 weeks and two days, he could count down to the hours and seconds but who would listen?) Riddle of all people contacts them with a lead, he's dead almost immediately.  Turned into a phantom, all of those friends of yours he was so jealous of too… no one is telling him but he knows.  You're not coming back, he's never going to meet your child, he failed at a moray's one job of protecting his cleaner shrimp.  When he's alone he talks to you both sometimes, nights when you can see the stars are becoming increasingly rare as the sky flares up with ink but he likes to think you found your way up to the sky.  

When he loses Floyd and Azul he sort of loses his will to live.  The only thing that keeps him going is the promise of one day being able to lay them both to rest eventually, but until then he bar tends at NRC and listens to all the little things people talk about when the world is ending. If he was in a better place he'd probably find it funny how lose people's lips are getting, Azul’s business would be doing so well if he were here now…

That's what he's doing one day in September when one of the mage students runs up to him out of breath, Sehrish he thinks her name is?  

“The headmage needs you in the hospital wing!”  She sounds scared, out of breath like she's run the whole way and Jade is just curious enough to go.  Something spurs him on to run himself, through the mirror and into the wing and-  

He doesn't even hesitate, his body acts before his brain does launching him towards you and grasping desperately at your hands.  They're cold, you're going cold and he doesn't have the warmth in his body to give you.  Something has mercy on him and let's your eyes open just the bit as you reach just as desperate to be close to him as he is to you and he feels your strength pass into him.  

“Don't apologize.”  He manages to whisper.  

“But I'm sorry.”  You cry.  “I love you so much and I couldn't forget even though they wanted me to.”  

“Who did this.  Who took you just name them and I promise you my pearl-”  he gets to kiss you one more time before your gone.  Jade doesn't move, he thinks Crewel is yelling for his attention but he can't move, he wants to stay here forever he has to protect you, why wasn't he able to protect you?!

“Oh holy fuck that tastes bad.”  There's a dazed voice Jade has never heard before, heavy with sorrow, and though he doesn't quite have it yet, Jade feels purpose begin to return to his heart.

Jade! Yutu is a menace.  I like the idea of him being some form of punk or goth, with piercings and a few tattoos that Yuu doesn't know anything about.  He grew up with a small group of close knit alt friends who would come over to Yuu's house and shoot the shit.  Yuu was really popular with Yutu's friends actually, he had mixed feelings about that. (No, his parent isn't accepting step-father applications, Joshua, keep running your mouth and see what happens)

Has a mixed ranged of emotions about his parent's amnesia. When he was younger not knowing who his dad was made him really sad, he'd listen to other kids talk about doing things with their fathers and he'd dream about doing them with his dad, but the picture was always blurry and felt just... wrong somehow. As he gets older and starts forming his world view he starts to think his dad might have left Yuu for any number of reasons. Did it happen before or after their amnesia, that's what he wants to know.

He has a pretty big problem with authority, residual trauma from the trip across worlds he thinks now… but back in your world he just didn't see the point of respecting someone just because they have more money and power than him.  Almost everyone does, that doesn't make them special!  But he's so sneaky about it, if it weren't for his clothes or his friends Yuu would hardly know what he gets up to in his spare time. It put a bit of strain on their relationship, Yutu sees his lies as something he does to protect his parent, while Yuu sees themselves as well.  A parent.  Who is the one who should be protecting their child not the other way around.  

When he tries to pull similar stunts with Original Timeline! Jade he gets a rude awakening. He tries sneaking out to meet up with some friends only to find his dad sitting with them, polite smile on his face clearly reveling in how awkward he is making this.  Oya, did Yutu think he was being slick?  He's hurt, no really this is the first time Jade has had to fake cry in years, he'd almost forgot how.  Didn't Yutu ever wonder where he got this from?  Because he had to know it wasn't Yuu.

Jade! Yutu also played in a band in middle school and also played bass, it just wasn't a jazz trio or an upright bass.  He would have liked continued to play in bands, but he shares his dad's issues with stage fright which makes it sort of difficult. He has tried his hand at writing his own music from time to time, but he's waaaaay too shy to ever play it for anyone other than the woods.

He really likes horror stories and cryptids, so he wasn't super afraid of the monsters when he first arrived in Twisted Wonderland.  One round with Phantom Riddle changed that nonchalant attitude quick, and while he still is very attached to the stuff he read about back in your world he hates blot monsters and Twisted Wonderland fiends in general.

Speaking of those monsters, Jade hates Yutu fighting them.  Father and son are an absolute nightmare for Crewel to deal with, one is threatening to drown him if Yutu is allowed to fight, the other is screaming curse words and saying it doesn't matter what Crewel does, he's going anyway.  He needs a drink (but not from Jade's bar he's going to get poisoned) 

I don't think Yutu actually told Jade he was planning on going back in time because he was angry and just assumed that he would try and stop him.  He's really proud of himself for the first few weeks he spends in the past thinking he got one over on his old man finally (he didn't, but he did hurt him quite a bit), but the more he interacts with the younger version of his parents the more he starts to regret that decision.

Past Jade is so… fun.  He thinks his dad is fun?!  His weird obsession with mushrooms was never something they talked about beyond a few compliments his dad gave to a mushroom patch he had on his jacket; watching his old man prattle on now he never would have guessed any of this.  Yutu never doubted that Jade loved you, but he didn't really think about what that looked like, or what you might have meant to Jade.  They just didn't talk about it, now that he's forced to think about it Jade was probably trying to focus on having him back and how lucky he was to even have that.  And instead of being honest about how angry he was to have lost you he lied and said he was fine.  With how good his dad was at knowing when he was lying Jade had to know that's how he felt, but respected his boundaries and didn't push. All those comments about being there when he's ready to talk, all the times Jade said he loved him, and those long nights he watched from afar as Jade sat with tea next to your grave, just talking to you as if you were still there are put into context. Yutu isn't able to sleep for a few nights after that.

Jade finds Yutu interesting.  He's a potential source of information about Yuu, a lot of his quirks remind him of himself and he finds the new kids blatant disrespect for authority to be hilarious! And hilariously good blackmail material, now now don't be afraid he really is just here to help...

"Nice try old man you won't pull shit out of me." Yutu sounds smug, but Jade knows when his spell has worked and when it hasn't; how delightful he doesn't seem to remember someone ever being so cocky about it before.

"That's a shame." He makes sure to make his face fall to keep the new kid off his guard as he continues his questioning. "It's just I am curious where did you come from? I thought Yuu's world doesn't have magic."

"I mean it doesn't, probably never would have been able to come back in time if I was still stuck there." Yutu blinks, clarity starting to come into view as Jade pushes through the surprise to ask a final question.

"Oya? And just why did you come back in time, were you worried about Yuu?"

"Of course I'm worried about my parent what sort of stupid question is-" Yutu returns to himself and treats Jade to a look of shock so rare and downright delightful he can't help but smile himself. "Hey just what did you do?"

Old man? What a disrespectful thing to call his father, no wonder his future self never told his son about his unique magic. Jade doesn't have time to doubt his affections for Yuu, once Yutu realizes he's fucked and can't get out of admitting that was the truth he tells Jade who he is and a bit about what the future is like. Jade can tell he's keeping a few details back, but he knows himself well enough to know that everything Yutu is describing would have changed him to a degree that he might not have been in the best mental space to help his son through the loss of Yuu.

Speaking of Yuu, Jade asks Yutu to keep his existence to himself for a bit. He wants to win over your affections without the help of the future looming in your thoughts, he only gets to have this part of his life with you once and he intends to savor it. But the confidence boost he gets from knowing you do end up as his mate does have him acting a bit goofy for a bit. Floyd and Azul are legitimately scared.

They are brought up to speed as Jade insists on introducing Yutu to them "properly" and he is every inch the proud father showing off their new baby to the relatives even though Yutu is practically his height and has a bunch of piercings. Floyd takes a liking to him immediately while Azul is a bit more awkward, not that he doesn't like Yutu he's just a lot different from anyone Azul has ever met before so he's unsure how to sell himself. Luckily he doesn't have to because Yutu appreciates his genuine self just like Floyd, Jade, and Yuu do.

Jade gladly invites Yutu to join the Mountain Lover's Club and is very excited when he says yes. Yutu finds a lot of enjoyment in helping his dad work mushrooms into Azul and Floyd's food by pretending to agree with their complaints. Floyd is so mad he calls Yuu and tells them to come get their kid.

The over protectiveness doesn't end exactly, but Yutu is more willing to understand and Jade is more able to explain himself. They're both extremely protective of Yuu and in sound agreement that nothing like Yutu's future can ever be allowed to come to pass. Jade wanted a family, so to learn that he got that and someone took it away from him? Future him was overwhelmed with grief but current him is overwhelmed with rage. Remember book four? He described what he would do to someone who betrayed him, and it wasn't pretty. His plans for whoever did this to his precious mate and child is going to get so much worse.

[nico-esoterica]

More about celeb sps!

"But what about the millions of other people manifesting them?" ����⭐

There's the perspective that they've successfully manifested them in their personal realities, but I'm an elitist. In every other reality, I believe I am the only person my man would ever want to be with, consider, or fathom as a partner. I am the best of the best. I am the only person to ever exist in his world he'd want to be with intimately. I don't care who he's been with. I'm the best lover, best romantic partner, most attractive person to exist in their world. I am always infinitely better. I am what dreams are made of. Billions of the most attractive and good men in the world would kill irl to be with me or even be in the same room with me. Women and other identities too!~

This is how you need to think. If you think anyone's manifesting them? No, they're not lol. Because they'd never do it successfully or have the confidence and conviction to maintain it. They're also not you. And they're weak bitches! I said what I said. I've never thought small in my entire life and I have unwavering confidence, self discipline, and belief in myself. I am self-obsessed and radiate power, magnetism, and sex appeal. I'm also the most beautiful person I've ever personally come across, alive or dead. In a room full of the most conventionally beautiful people, my sp would only have eyes for me. Even in an industry full of surgical beauties! Idgaf! Even if I wasn't gorgeous, my sp would still think I was! Now, let's discuss stalkers and other criminals and what makes you different:

You're always winning in your reality, even if that winning is you losing, lol. You're winning in the assumption that you can't have what you want or who you want. That's winning but just not in your favor.

Even if millions of people are casting love spells or manifesting your person, they will always fail because you've rendered them ineffective in your reality. Also, AGAIN, you are YOU! Someone can only 'take' your sp if you THINK it's possible that they can be taken! That's why you need to STAND THE FUCK UP! Would you wanna be with you? I would wanna be with me! My sp is LUCKY that I even give a fuck the way I do lmao! I also personally believe whoever you're manifesting is manifesting YOU back! That's how manifesting people works objectively if you look at stories of couples who've described how it feels on both ends.

I don't consider stalking to be something celebs want but may be what they expect due to their job and not thinking they're in control of their realities, etc. I also put obsessive fans in that category because their emotional investment makes them money lol. But as a celeb who wants to be genuinely loved as a human being, I do believe they're manifesting the right person for them and that spectrum of possibility will involve someone that's potentially a fan or was one due to the magnitude of their fame. But this person would truly love and appreciate them. That's the difference. When Hailey Bieber and Victoria Beckham were manifesting their men as fans, they wound up in healthy and happy relationships with them. Thriving, tbh.

But the typical 'fan' is usually someone with piss poor self esteem, puts their fave on a pedestal, and may think they have to force themselves on their fave to 'get them to like them' when that's just abuse and assault. That's due to poor self concept and probably due to having an unhealthy relationship with them bc of social alienation from Capitalism, untreated/misdiagnosed neurodivergence because of lack of money and access to quality healthcare, and a combination of factors where their fave is the only 'good' experience in their lives. You're always telling yourself a story. With your sp, celeb or not, it's the same thing.

These people don't believe that they can successfully 'be' with their fave without breaking the law or bypassing personal boundaries and that lack of self belief is because of bad self concept and personal self esteem. They don't think they would ever choose them without them needing to force it to happen. When you're manifesting like Hailey, Victoria, etc, you're putting yourself on the pedestal instead. You're believing that there's no way in hell that celeb sp WON'T want you for just existing. I don't know those women personally but it takes audacity and that audaciousness is a result of a strong self concept about themselves and what they're capable of. But it doesn't have to be all that.

You don't even have to like yourself to manifest a celeb sp, but most people don't tell themselves that they can just exist and the sp will find them and fall in love with them.

That's the difference between a stalker, saesang, and toxic person vs another person manifesting them. You'd think there's overlap but there's a distinct difference in mindset. You don't need to be in creepy group chats full of criminals exchanging stolen personal info or do any weird shit but people do most likely because that's the only way they think they'll get access to their sp. They're still insecure, lol.

That's why people commit crimes anyway and is the way our system is set up. They're still manifesting that fraudulent access but they rarely, if ever, land the full blown relationship where their sp wants them back. Their sp not wanting them back despite all the weird shit (bc people irl DO have relationships w/ toxic people) is proof that they DON'T think or believe this person wants them. Otherwise they'd think it was cute or something because they'd see them as the one and only exception. That rarely happens with celebs, even though I'm sure it does, but that not being the norm means those people manifesting celeb sps simply don't think they can do it deep down.

That's why you're one out of millions or a billion, honestly. Even if someone seems very confident, unless they have consistent commitment to their inner story like con artist Anna Delvey, for example, then they won't be successful.

Because that's all it takes with anything, sp or not. It's the story you're telling yourself. It doesn't have to feel real. You just need to not change it.

Like I said, the other girls are weak bitches. It just is what it is.

[sameschmidtdiffname]

A Comfort or Two

Mike Schmidt x Gender Neutral! Reader

Summery: Vices never killed anybody.

Tags: No use of Y/N, no use of gendered pronouns for Reader, pre-established relationship, hurt/no comfort, Reader has ✨️issues✨️, this isn't a vent fic what are you talking about???, use of cigarettes, brief mentions of sleep medication, arguement, and this is barely proofread. (Read: Isn't.)

Notes: I have had writers block for three months. I shit this out in ten minutes. What the fuck?

Anyways, phone blapple teet.

                       ▪︎◇{¤♧■♧¤}◇▪︎

"Since when do you smoke?"

The voice rings clear in the dead of night, the only sound surrounding us being the crickets chirping and mosquitos buzzing past my ears.

"I don't," I answer, taking another drag off the cigarette between my cold fingers.

Mike doesn't speak as he steps onto the patio, softly shutting the glass door behind him with a sort of 'thump' sound that it always makes when the door seals shut.

For a moment we don't say anything. Then I exhale, and the noise that makes must be his silent blessing to speak.

"American Spirits," he notes, too awkward to say what he really thinks.

"Turquoise," I say. I take another drag, then speak as I hold my breath. "You know how many people that work at gas stations don't know what the fuck turquoise looks like when you ask for a pack of this shit?"

He sucks his teeth. I wonder for a moment if he knows what the color looks like.

"Most people are pretty good on red, blue, yellow," he says.

Yeah, he doesn't know.

"Pretty warm out here for a sweater," he notes.

"I don't like bugs," I say, exhaling. "They pick at my skin, eat me alive. Sue me."

His foot scuffs the concrete, a nervous habit.

"Can I bum one?"

This makes me turn my head to look at him, almost glaring as I try to gage how serious his request is, looking him up and down in his undergarments before speaking.

"Seriously?" I ask.

"If we're having a cheat day, yeah. Count me in," he says, walking to sit beside me, crossing his legs and resting back on his palms, then readjusting as he decides he doesn't like the feeling of the gravel on his skin, brushing the pepples off on his shorts.

I shrug and scoff, but pick up my pack and open the flap, shuffling out a little bit of tobacco and then finding a paper, getting to work on rolling a cigarette for the man who watches me curiously.

"Why not buy pre-roll?" He asks.

"You gonna give me the extra money to buy pre-rolled?" I ask, my tone too dull to be sharp, but too pointed to be sarcastic. He relents, looking away.

"Bad day?" He asks after another moment of silence, daring to glance back at me.

"Not a good one," I answer around my own cigarette, then hold it between my left pinkie and ring finger so I can stick my tongue out to wet the paper so it'll stick together.

"You wanna talk about it?" He asks.

I don't acknowledge his question, instead picking off a spare bit of tobacco that sticks out from the end of the new cigarette, then put the leftover back in my pouch. I offer it to him, asking if he needs a lighter. He nods, and he takes it with such a gentle hand it's like I'm watching a 15 year old try to act cool for his sisters college friends or something.

I lean back, removing the cheap, purple BIC from my shorts pocket and hand it to him. It shouldn't irritate me how he looks at the items like he's completely clueless, failing to hide it as his brows furrow in thought.

"It's not gonna kill you," I say to him.

"I mean... they will," he says quietly.

There's another silent moment. He toys with the lighter, flicking it to life.

"Why purple?" He finally asks. I look at him, our eyes meeting. He doesn't look less tired than me, but he looks concerned more than anything, which irritates but sates me all at once.

I contemplate answering honestly. Take another drag, hold, exhale.

"When I graduated high school, I started fucking this guy. Awful man, great-" I pause. "Mediocre dick."

I don't say that for Mike's benefit, let me make that clear.

"But I thought it was great at the time. And I thought I liked him. And his favorite color was purple," I say.

Mike looks down at the lighter again, letting the flame die.

"We smoked together," I clarify. "I thought he would like it."

"So, you've had this since high school?" He asks, sounding slightly impressed.

"No," I say. "I just became the friend with the purple lighter, so I stuck with the theme. They're cheap, so it's easy."

He nods, then finally lifts the cigarette to his chapped lips, licking them and carefully holding it as he lights it. I watch, anticipating his coughing fit, which he tries to suppress after his first inhale, though there's already tears in his eyes. I look away, trying to let him pop his cherry in peace.

"Did he?" He asks in a very strained voice, sounding pathetic as he holds in his breath.

I furrow my brows, looking back at him. His face is red, his chest is trembling.

"You're gonna die," I point out, reaching to pet his back, rubbing right next to his spine, under his lung. "Hold your arms up, that'll help."

He obeys, exhaling and coughing so disgustingly it makes me grimace. But I just rub, trying to help him as he sounds like he's trying not to vomit. I should take the cigarette away from him, but I kind of don't want to. This is the D.A.R.E. exercise that works, in my opinion.

"Like it," he coughs out, gasping for clean air. "Did-"

"Okay, okay, I got it now," I reassure him, patting a bit harder on his back. He gives me a thumbs up, finally starting to recover, and sniffling back tears that threaten to trail down his face. This man is 25, by the way.

I sit back onto my palms, relaxing now that he isn't going to die. I let him recover for another moment, then watch as he decides to go in for another hit.

"He didn't," I answer. Mike does better on this inhale, not trying to act cool and letting himself cough, which helps extremely. "He didn't even notice it, and when I pointed it out he just told me it's his favorite color because girls thought it was cool."

Mike's brows furrow in disgust, and at first I think it's from the cigarette.

"Dick," he coughs, smoke pouring out of his mouth and nose, which must burn based off of how he picks at his nostrils, trying to wipe away the burning sensation.

I nod. "Yep," I say, popping the 'p.' Then there's silence again, me smoking, Mike trying.

Eventually, I reach the end of my stick and snub it out. Mike contemplates holding out, then decides against it. Probably for the best. He looks a little green around the gills.

"So, what makes you go out and buy loose tobacco and smoke like you're used to it?" Mike asks me, handing me back the lighter and remainder of his cigarette, which is warm in my palm.

"I don't even know," I sigh, looking down at the semi pregnant joint. Not my best roll. "I've just been exhausted lately."

"Work?" He asks. I shake my head. "Friends?"

"I don't know," I sigh irritablely.

"Is there-"

"Don't ask me what you can do, because everyone else had already asked and if I have to sit through another grilling on this shit, I'm gonna fucking bite someone's head off," I snap, raising my head to look at the fence in front of us, closing us in and providing privacy from the neighbors that drink too much and party too loud during football season.

Mike sucks his teeth again, looking down at his lap. "Think you just did," he points out quietly. But it's not to make me feel bad. The delivery is almost comedic, really. More for my entertainment than guilt.

"I'm sorry," I say softly, shame creeping into my stomach and making me bury my head in my hands. I try to think of something else to say, an explanation to give. But all I can say is a repeat, "I'm sorry."

Even though I can't see him, I know Mike's face softens. His arms encircle me gently, pulling me closer to him, smoke so wrongly mixed with the taste of mouthwash on his breath.

"Hey," he soothes. "It's okay."

"I'm just tired," I say in a strained voice.

"I know," he says.

"And my head hurts."

"I'm sorry."

"And I can't sleep at night."

Mike's quiet at that, trying to figure out what to say, what to offer. My insomnia isn't new, and he's offered his own sleep pills, but I decline everytime. I'm just glad by the time my leg starts bouncing enough to rock the bed, the medication has such a deep hold on him he doesn't appear to notice. I wonder if he feels guilty that he sleeps so much easier than I, a relief that escapes me.

"Have you been eating?" He asks.

I scoff. Rude.

"I'm serious," he says.

"Yes, I'm eating," I answer, not raising my head from my hands, my palms digging against my eyes.

"How much?" He asks.

"Michael-"

"I just want to make sure-"

"Don't baby me-"

"I'm not babying you-"

"Than what the fuck is this?" I ask, looking up at him.

"This is me being worried over you," he says as though it were obvious, furrowing his brows.

"Well, I don't fucking need it," I tell him, now trying to rise, but his hands hold me down, pissing me off.

"Hang on, let's talk about this-"

"What the fuck is there to talk about?" I snap, standing so abruptly it throws us both off balance.

Mike stares up at me incredulously, his mouth slightly agape. "What the fuck is wrong with you?" He asks me, his concern turning into a glare.

I don't answer, storming back into the house wordlessly as he calls my name, opening the door with strength I don't mean to use because it sends the glass sliding door ramming into the other side of the wall, but thankfully it doesn't break.

"Hey!" I can hear Mike's snap echoing sharply in the room, loud and making me flinch as I storm away. "You don't fucking slam that door!"

I don't respond, too irritated and guilt ridden to acknowledge him, my mind scrambled on locations of where I can run for comfort. My feet carry me automatically to the living room, my hand snatching my keys off the coffee table.

Mike calls after me again, demanding of me that I come back, that I talk about this. But I don't want to. These emotions inside of me, I don't even know why they exist, what they are, what part of my soul to bare to force them to go away.

I unlock the front door, and there's part of me that acknowledges I don't have a phone on me. I'll be on my own, alone. A state in which I used to never find comfort, but is now the only state in which I know how to exist in.

Mike grabs at me, a bit too rough to be appropriate. He's desperate, maybe angry, maybe scared of what will happen if I walk out that door. He's stronger than me, which makes me react in fear rather than logic.

I jerk my arm out of his grasp, but I have to use such force it sends my fist flying into my own face, my eye getting a good hit in the process, making Mike freeze temporarily.

It just makes me run out the door, into the night, scurrying into my car and turning the key quickly, leaving both of us to wonder where the hell I'm going and when I'll be back.

For both of our sake, I wish I had an answer. And I'm sorry that running feels better than staying.

I'd be a better person if I could be. If it could bring me comfort.

                              ¤▪︎{♧}▪︎¤

Rawdogged this like I did your mom last night.

Taglist:

@cassiecasluciluce @gh0u1ishly @joshhutchersons-slut @schmidtsbimbo @sugarevans @wompwompwomp57 @jhutchissupercool @laurrrelise @sleepyhutcherson . Thank you for your support pookies!!! <3

                 •¤Masterlist¤•

[fantastic-nonsense]

im soso curious, i need to know... why is tim a child of apollo? bless u for not going with fanon<3

[referencing how I decided who the Batfam's godly parents were in my PJO AU WIP]

People like to sort him into Athena because DC has spent the last few years emphasizing how smart he is and how he's better at the more “cerebral” and detective aspects of the job. But Tim’s most prominent pre-reboot traits are not actually his detective or tech skills: they’re his reckless, impulsive bravery, his ability to analyze and think very quickly on his feet in dangerous situations, and his "power of friendship" idealism.

He's a people person; it's one of his greatest strengths. Tim is like...physically incapable of going somewhere and not making at least one friend while he's there. Hell, when he ran off to travel the world on his "fuck you, I'll find Bruce on my own" trip he still managed to pick up his own little crew of assassin friends along the way. Making connections and talking to people and relying on others for help is how he successfully navigates being a hero, as he himself notes on multiple occasions:

"Did you think I was going to run all around the city, desperately trying to save everyone all by myself? I'm not Batman. I have friends." -Red Robin #12

Tim loves his family and friends, and losing so many people he's close to within such a small timespan sends him off the deep end in multiple ways (trying to clone Kon, fighting Dick to get the Lazarus water, isolating himself from everyone, fighting with Dick and running off to find proof that Bruce was alive on his own, etc).

At his core, Tim is an idealist who becomes a hero for no other reason than a) a broken man needs help and a broken family needs mending and b) if Dick won't go back to being Robin he might as well do it, because someone has to be Robin. He sees what will happen if Bruce stays on the path he's on and says "no. I'm not going to let that happen." He's a hero because someone has to help, and he's able and available to do so. He doesn't work on cold hard logic and facts. He works off of gut instinct and then uses his big brain to go find facts and logical conclusions that support those instincts.

Tim was never going to be an Athena child.

So I started thinking. At first, I wanted him to be a Hermes child; it seemed right to frame his parentage around being the child of the messenger of the gods given how he became Robin. But that's not really him, either. Apollo, within the scope of both classical mythology and the PJO-verse's depiction of him and his children, fits him better.

While modern culture tends to zero in a lot on Apollo's status as the god of music, poetry, and the arts (for good reason), Apollo in classical Greek mythology was first and foremost known as the god who (for lack of a better term) helps his people. He's the god of the sun, of light, of medicine and healing, of prophecy, of truth.

Tim comes into Bruce's life at a time when Bruce is at his absolute lowest point. Jason is dead. He's estranged from Dick. He's failing in his mission to save Gotham. He's highkey passively suicidal. And Tim takes it upon himself to fix that. And he does it by being a solid, bright, stable presence in Bruce's life and an extremely blunt, truthful messenger of the future he sees: Batman needs a Robin, and if Bruce doesn't have one he's going to die.

And I didn't abandon his intelligence in the calculations: Apollo is also the god of rational thinking, order, and knowledge, contrasting and working in harmony with Dionysus (the god of irrationality, chaos, and passion). He was also known to be the god whose job it was to interpret the will of Zeus to humankind, which I thought was appropriate for a boy who spends quite a lot of his time being the living communication translator between Bruce and everyone around him.

So. Apollo child.

............also I thought it was funny to make the god of youth the father of the boy DC refuses to allow to age.

[constantfragmentation]

Silco Headcanon

Okay, whether you want to believe Silco was crushing on Felicia or he was just fond of her....

It really explains a lot in regards to Jinx and Vi.

I think Silco would have been both devastated at Felicia's death and proud that she died for a cause they believed in. Vander taking her kids, I believe, could have been a major sore spot with Silco.

Depending on when we want to believe the river betrayal happened (prior to the bridge battle or after), Silco doesn't appear to be on the bridge and why? Was he already so terribly injured he couldn't fight? That Silco stoked up the people's anger to where Vander couldn't back out of the battle and Felicia ended up dying?

I want to wonder if Vander prior to the battle, was having second thoughts. Felicia now had two kids and Vander was starting to see things differently. There were too many kids or people that would become collateral damage if they failed against Piltover. I'm thinking Vander began to believe they were going to lose big.

So perhaps, killing Silco was to way to end it before it became worse but by that time there was no stopping the rebellion and he still had to lead them in battle.

Yet, of course, the letter Vander wrote Silco signifies that the betrayal happened post-bridge battle. I wish the animators had not made them so young in Silco's flashback in S1E3 and then Vander clearly with a full beard in S1E1. I have to think that they didn't plan to expound on Silco/Vander post-S1. I believe they added the backstory because fans fell in love with these two characters.

So making her death the reason behind Vander killing Silco?. I kind of wish it was pre-battle that Vander had a change of heart but it was too late to back out, so he took it out on Silco thinking it would be a wrench in the cog and stop it. Silco jokingly claiming "#1" makes me feel like he thought he was the mastermind and Vander was just the muscle. So Vander used that muscle to stop him.

I think it works better if Vander tried to kill him before the battle, but it seems like Riot is making her the catalyst which I think is too easy a cop out. UNLESS, one of those kids is Vander's or Silco's.

Why is Felicia so important to kill your brother over? There are plenty of families, kids being put at risk but she is the big catalyst? Yeah, she's the mum of Vi/Jinx but why is she so important to Vander and Silco? Such importance needs to be explained.

When Silco says in S1E3 that Vander still kept his respect maybe that was because he still went through with the battle. Silco then adds, "until you played lapdog" and it all changed when he saw how Vander controlled the Lanes and worked with Enforcers and gave up all effort to combat Piltover.

So you have Felicia dead. Silco probably was barred by Vander in paying respects, etc. Vander talks to Benzo about Silco as that dark secret no one wants to know about.

Vi being the leader of the kids. She would be more on Silco's radar than Jinx. She is very much like Vander and that probably irks Silco to the bone if he considers Felicia a true patriot like himself. So, by extension he low-key hates Vi.

When he sees Jinx at Vander's dead body. He is vaguely aware she is Vi's sister and probably considering kidnapping or using her to get to Vi. It IS fucked up because these are KIDS. But Silco has a warped sense of life.

Most likely when he was a kid (as he chides Finn at the Chembaron meeting) he had nothing and most likely was a child labourer. So maybe he doesn't see Zaun kids as innocents and they are fair game. Hell, he has child labour making shimmer (Renni's son).

So, JInx tells him Vi isn't her sister anymore and he sees Vander's dead body. Vander isn't his brother anymore. But now he can take Felicia's younger child and mold her to what he though Felicia was? Like him? However, in S1 we don't see any conversation or hint of JInx knowing much about her mother or that Silco knew her.

As Jinx ages, she looks more and more like Felicia and I think that is a positive memory Silco chooses to keep. It makes him happy that he is protecting her daughter, helping her. He encourages her experimentation/scientific skills. Silco molds her into a version of himself, a patriot that maybe he chooses to believe Felicia was more like him than Vander turning her kids to his views.

SIlco lets Jinx gets away with EVERYTHING. He gives her important jobs that confound his subordinates like Sevika and piss off the Chembarons. No one touches Jinx. Silco won't allow it.

Smeech knows she's fair game now because Silco can't protect her anymore.

I think this is why Silco has a fragmented view of Jinx. He's sees a daughter he wants to nuture and protect but he also sees her as an equal and has absolute faith in her skills to build a weapon against Piltover. He struggles between the two. Treating her like his child an d treating her like a member of his team. Basically Felicia 2.0.

In her lab when he is so angry at what Jinx did in Piltover, only to see she stole the stone and he isn't giving her enough credit. And when she hugs him, he's reminded, she loves him like a father.

On the bridge after her fight with Ekko, Silco is mortified that he caused her death/injury. He sees the stone and realizes he put her in this position. She almost died because of him.

I wonder if that triggered a memory of Felicia dying on the bridge. He wasn't able to understand Vander and I think finding Jinx on the bridge was the beginning. He couldn't bear to lose Jinx. She can't die. It will kill him. He can't be the reason she dies.

So when he meets Jayce, he's protecting Jinx the whole time and when the ultimatum is handing her over to get everything he's always wanted, a free, independent Zaun. He can't do it. He cares too much . He still wants freedom but he'll find another way to do it.

At the tea party, he tells Jinx she means more to him than getting what he's always wanted. She knows how important that was to him, and you see it in her face. He calls her his daughter. She has the love and acceptance she's been looking for. It wasn't just Silco being protector/mentor. He sees her as HIS family.

I think that's why "you're perfect" hits so fucking hard. You know he loves her. In his own messed up way, all the mistakes he's made with Jinx, he loves her and was willing to give up his dream to keep her safe.

If Vi knows more about Silco than she lets on.... Sevika turning the knife by saying "she's like his daughter" is a real kick in the face. Because Sevika would probably know, wouldn't she??? Food for thought.

Fuck, I could talk about this all night but I have to go to bed if I want to get up for work tomorrow.

[justmenoworries]

Lore Olympus Episode 280 (Finale) Spoilers

Final episode les gooooo!

As expected, the "fight" was underwhelming af. Gaia just yoinks Apollo out of Ouranos (lol) and that's it. And despite being dead - sorry "in HibERnaTioN" for like milennia Gaia somehow knows exactly what's up. Persie has to stay three months in the mortal realm because we gotta get the change of seasons in here somehow and after RS fucked up all the other ways it could have happened this extremely weak "you gotta" is all that's left.

The rest of the episode is time-skips because RS has learned absolutely nothing.

Persie gets crowned even though she was already queen, TGOEM disbands because RS hates women supporting women if it's not for the purpose of pushing them towards a man.

Oh yeah and Apollo is sentenced to community service.

You heard me.

Community service.

After admitting to sexually assaulting Persephone on live TV. After literally trying to murder the king of Olympus. After teaming up with Kronos 2.0 and almost causing the end of the world.

Community service.

I fucking hate it here I'm so glad this bullshit is over.

Hera gets to be sole ruler of Olympus after divorcing Zeus (how does that work???) and getting together with Echo (I wish I could feel anything for their relationship but RS was too busy slobbering over hxp to develop it).

Eros and Psyche were let out of Leto's basement off-screen and have a kid now because every couple in this comic has to be a standard nuclear family in some way.

We also skip over Dionysus growin up because otherwise RS would have to write Persie and Hades actually being parents to him. Melinoe happens because Persie's magical womb powers make Hades' infertility more of a minor obstacle (have I mentioned I hate it here) and then we also get Macaria because why tf not.

Whelp, that's all she wrote!

I won't lie even though I've grown to despise this comic and everything it stands for it's helped me find some really cool people and a fun community.

Even some people who've taken the premise and did so much more with it.

Sincerely, thanks to everyone whose essays and posts and comics created such a wonderful time when the actual comic failed to do so.

It's been fun. Take care!

[pumpkin-padparadscha]

What if I just read "The Art of Losing" by @wafflelate a million billion times because it's my favorite.

Anyway the rest of this post is just going to be me going !!!!! so, spoilers ahead

Things I think intensely about:

-how suna is going to react to Gaara deciding to become the kazekage

-how any detractors of his new position are going to be IMMEDIATELY shut down because the "first" thing he does is "contract with a seals mistress to get the dead wastes converted into arable land" (who is going to prove it WASNT a seal? Sunas sealing sucks lol. And technically it did originate from a seal. Gelels seal.)

-how devastated Gai is going to be upon learning literally everything Kakashi went through

-how pissed as fuck people are going to be upon discovering that root seals can apparently block soulmate bonds? I feel like sealing people without their informed consent is about to become very very illegal outside of emergency circumstances.

-how the fuck is cat feeling. Does he believe Kakashi is dead? Does he hope Kakashi is alive?

-nara shikakunand yoshino are about to fucking eviscerate the elder council. Either they were aware of this bullshit or they were criminally negligent. Oh, what's that inoichi and shibi? Some of your family got kidnapped too? Maybe we should bring torture back to t&i. Just this once.

-kakashi is going to be so fucking proud of shikimaru. In his super repressed way. Maybe in a he deserves that legacy more than I ever did if he's feeling self deprecating.

-do you think temari has to sit through a million drafts and revised versions of kankuros shikabane play the more information comes out. Soul mates who were cut off completely from their connection, one believing the other dead, and the other never even educated about soul bonds. Them still recognizing each other enough that Kakashi was kind to her and she freed him instead of killing him. Please kankuro why can't you make the fight scenes longer.

-shikaku seeing shikakos complete shadow transformation and being like "yeah that's insanely dangerous to so much as think about attempting, I don't want to consider how bad things had to be for her to create that. Forbidden jutsu on account of who the fuck knows how she didn't end up falling into the black"

-does Gai feel like he failed Kakashi. Does he swear never to do so again. Imagine him thanking shikako for saving his friend. Imagine Kakashi being shocked Gai still considers him a friend

-hi inoichi this is my soulmate Kakashi, he did not take thinking I was assassinated well at all, do you have any self help books because he hates talking about feelings

-obviously she knows about seals because danzo wanted his own nara level intelligent seal master. Obviously she hid as much of her skill as she could from him because she isn't stupid.

-anyway here's a book a better storage scroll some medical seals and the seal to get rid of roots evil tattoo of shittyness.

-actually now I'm thinking about what if she DOES join suna because Kakashi has trouble feeling safe in konoha or just because being around a shikamaru who never knew her and idolizes Kakashi is kind of awkward.

-if they share dreams do you think she explains her original world to Kakashi after he dreams of cities he's never seen.

-wondering who was the first person to remember the lookalike yoshino nara missing nin that got mentioned in that one report.

-if I think about how nervous Kakashi is going to be the first time he trolls shikako and how he'll feel when she grins or laughs or goes along with it I experience An Emotion™

-"I don't know if you'll like them, but here's other you's favorite books. They make a good social barrier, and you've been looking a little overwhelmed."

-yoshino is going to cry so so so much. Her baby needed her all this time and she never knew it.

-kakashi learning that he was absolutely invited to shikakos funeral and danzo is just a dick who lies

[bwaybwaycwaycway]

Quick rant about Authority in Disco Elysium

I'm writing this because I had someone rightly call me out at work for second-guessing myself for not trusting in an answer I gave. Specifically, I was asked to identify a type of fire extinguisher from a distance, and even though I was correct, I wanted to check my answer by going up and reading the label. It reminded me about internal confidence in yourself and the things you say.

Authority is an underrated skill in Disco Elysium.

I get why people dislike it. Whenever Authority gets a failure, it has extremely violent, sociopathic responses to the situation at hand, like telling you to hurt people or, in a very famous scene, put a loaded pistol in your mouth. This kind of behavior upsets Kim, who serves as the moral compass for most players, so you stop taking risky Authority checks and don't bother wearing clothing that boosts the skill. You eventually think of Authority as a skill used by people who want to go the Fascist Cop route.

And then you get to the Tribunal. At the end, only one skill will save Kim. Authority. It isn't even you giving him a real order, it's mostly asserting that there is danger and that Kim must respond to it, and ignore your broken half-dead body. It seems like a weird choice that Esprit de Corps isn't doing this, as it's the cop-related skill, or Suggestion, as it is the skill best used to convince others.

No, only Authority will snap Kim out of his panic and make sure he survives the fight without serious injury. And that's because Authority is a skill that, when it succeeds a check, is about personal confidence in your ability as a police officer, and a human being living their life in Revachol.

Authority sure does get you into bad situations, and if you choose to go down the path of the Honour Cop, suggests thumb-fucking yourself to display said honour. But when it succeeds, Authority is barely there, just reminding you that you've got this. You know what to do, you've known all along. You're confident in your actions and accept responsibility for them when Authority is taking lead.

People don't trust cops with low Authority. Sorry Cops, as Kim says, are actively harmful to the reputation of the RCM. Apologizing and second-guessing yourself makes people lose faith in the government you represent and in your ability to solve the case or help them live their lives. A lot of negative modifiers are due to you appearing weak or lacking confidence when you first meet people, as they don't think of you as a trustworthy cop who can fix things.

Finally, the confrontation with Kim over asking him to share a secret about his past, involving the Eyebrow Off, shows that Authority is something that isn't abusive when used right. Kim uses his Authority to convince you to drop the question when you fail, but if you succeed, he share a little fact about his childhood that's of no consequence except it's slightly embarrassing to him. You learn on a failure though that Kim's Authority is immense, and it shows through his confidence in himself and his job as a cop.

Authority is about showing other people, sometimes even falsely presenting, confidence in yourself and what you're doing. When it fails, it pushes you to assert this confidence again, especially in the face of someone trying to assert their Authority over you. It wants you to be a good cop, but has such a narrow way of thinking that it can get you or other people killed multiple times.

[dumbistsmartass]

Every Hatchetfield song explained badly in ten words or less

spoilers and also this is only the main trilogy not nightmare time.

The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals - Yeah, he didn't like musicals

La Dee Dah Dah Day - "the dogs are my meal"

What Do You Want, Paul? - "please god have an I want song"

Cup of Roasted Coffee - If I had to sing working retail I'd kill someone

Cup of Poisoned Coffee - oh hey, they killed someone

Show Me Your Hands - this is what cops think 24/7

You Tied up My Heart - gaslight, gatekeep, girl bossing your way to mariticide

Join Us (And Die) - Guts Magee and Brainiac explain why you should KYS

Not Your Seed - "it's your fault your daughter is dead bitch"

Show Stoppin Number - He had a point but like no

America Is Great Again - you know what it's a joke about

Let Him Come - they know he's the main character

Let It Out - Is it an identify crisis or possession

Inevitable - a beautifully haunting ending

Tickle-Me Wiggly Jingle - what the actual fuck is this?

What Tim Wants - what can I say, it's sad

Califor.M.I.A. - they really want you to bond with these characters

What Do You Say? - everyone is too invested in these twos relationship

Our Doors Are Open - "shopping will fill the hole in your heart"

Feast Or Famine - this is real footage when the new iPhone comes out

Monsters and Men - He's fucking back!

Deck The Halls - we got a full working boys, we could get this

Take Me Back - I'll be real I skipped this one on rewatch

Adore Me - haunting when you don't say the shit part

Do You Want To Play? - a reversal of who you're told to trust

Made In America - we let him in via consumerism, amazing capitalism critique

Black Friday - me singing a musical as I'm being choked out

Monsters and Men (Reprise) - This guy is so cool

If I Fail You - "are we the baddies?"

Wiggle - Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle Wiggle

What If Tomorrow Comes? - So she is seeing the other Hatchetfields right?

High School Is Killing Me - they really spoil the people who die first song huh?

Literal Monster - shove yourself in your locker

Cool As I Think I Am - you think you're cooler then you think you are

Dirty Girl - makes me genuinely uncomfortable, skip it

Bully The Bully - interesting plan, let's see how It plays out

Bury The Bully - oh... that got dark fast

Go Go Nighthawks! - everyone is happier now that this bitch is gone

Nerdy Prudes Must Die - to be fair, you did kill him

Hatchet Town - mass panic is so hip

Just For Once - we all though the light was gonna fall on her

If I Loved You - they are in so much denial

The Summoning - Wiggly want you to kill your crush

Cool As I Think I Am (Reprise) - really tragic, trying to convince the other to sacrifice them

The Best Of You - I'm so glad it didn't end with everyone dead again

Dirty Dudes Must Die - When you give a Christian a little dark magic

[cowgurrrl]

Eat Your Young

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader (platonic!Ellie Williams x reader)

Author’s note: I’m sorry (gif by @pedrohub)

Summary: “Thoe I walk through the valley in the shadow of death I fear no evil for I am the meanest motherfucker in the valley.” [4.1k!!!]

Warnings: episode 8 spoilers!! David (this is a warning in itself), Ellie in peril, canonical violence, bargaining, reader being a badass because I said so, a slight allusion to sa, PTSD symptoms, physical trauma, angst with a happy (slightly ambiguous) ending

Your body aches when you come to. Your face pulses with bruises, and you can feel broken ribs pushing against your lungs. Memories spark under your throbbing skull— waking up to the sound of the garage opening, Ellie yelling for help, the men, the horse going down. She should've woken you up earlier. She never should've tried to face them by herself. Your eyes blink open, and a hideous red carpet stares back at you. Rope ties your hands and ankles to the chair you're sitting on, and you look around for Ellie. 

An empty room has never been as scary as it is right now. Your heartbeat quickens against sore ribs, and your breathing rattles loudly. Did they take you both? If so, where is she, and why isn't she with you? Did they find Joel? You think about how weak he was when you left, how he could barely hold his own knife, and how delirious he was. Your teeth grind together as you try to shrink back tears at the thought of him dying alone in that stupid basement. Your thoughts are interrupted by a door opening, and you look up enough to see the familiar man walking through the door. 

David pauses by the swinging door once he sees you're awake. His eyes rake over your injuries with an alarming lack of care, and you shift in the chair. Your shoulders scream in pain, and you wince, but Ellie stays at the forefront of your mind. 

"Where is she?" You ask. David grabs a chair from one of the tables and sets it in front of you. He's close enough that you can smell sweat and grime on him. You straighten up, making yourself as big as possible, as he sits across from you and stares at you intently. 

"I was starting to worry about you," he says, and you let out a shaky breath. "How are you feeling?"

"Where the fuck is she?"

"She's alive. That's all you need to know right now."

"Let me see her."

"I'm afraid you're not in the position to be demanding things," he says as he rubs his hands together. You glance at the door he came through and make a mental note. She has to be through there. She would be able to hear you if you called for her. Does she know how close you are? "Are you her mother?" 

"Fuck you."

"You're feisty just like she is. If you're not her mother, you must be the closest thing to it," he says. You try not to let his words settle over your bones. No mother would fail her child the way you've failed her, the way you're actively failing her. "She wouldn't tell me anything about the man, but she asked if you were okay. She cares a lot about you two."

"Is he here?" You hate how small you sound when you ask about him. David smirks, and your skin crawls.

"Not yet, no. We're looking for him now," he says. "My people are dead set on vengeance. It's a good thing I went out with them this morning. Otherwise, you'd both be dead."

"Lucky us." 

"I know you didn't kill Alec, and I'm sorry you've traveled with such an angry man for so long. Once we find him, we'll bring him to justice, and you'll be free," he says like he's offering you a one-way ticket to Heaven. "We have room within our group. You and your daughter could live here safely. Start a new life." 

"So, you want someone to pay for the loss of life? Is that it? You kidnapped me and a fucking kid to settle a score?" 

"In a sense." He sighs. You bite the inside of your cheek as you think about Ellie. She has to be fucking terrified right now— alone, hungry, and maybe hurt. She's strong, though. She could find Joel and move him to a safer location. You've seen her hold her own before, and you trust her as much as you trust Joel. She doesn't need you, but she needs Joel.

"If you let her go, I'll settle your score. Whatever you need to end this shit. I'll call him off, and they'll leave and never come back." You decide. David sits back in his chair as he considers your offer, your sacrifice. 

"You really think a man like him would just leave you here?"

"He'd do anything I asked him to," you say. "Just let her go. This isn't her fight, and I think you know that." 

"Why do you care so much about him? He's a murderer."

"So am I. I've done really shitty things to stay alive, things I can never tell her about. I'm not a good person."

"But he is?"

"He's trying to be," you say, catching sight of the Bible sitting on a nearby table. You let yourself soften just enough. "Isn't that what you're all about? Salvation and redemption and sacrificing yourself for the greater good? That girl is his chance at redemption, maybe his last one. They need each other way more than they need me."

"You love him." It's not a question. It's a statement like pointing at the clouds gathering on the horizon and announcing there will be a storm— obvious and beyond a shadow of a doubt. 

"Let them go. Please." You breathe. David sits silently, tapping his fingers together, before standing and wordlessly walking through the door he came in from. A tear falls from your eye, but you quickly wipe it on your shirt sleeve. You listen for voices as the building creaks against the force of the blizzard outside before twisting your wrists against the rope. The burn makes you grit your teeth, but the slow loosening is enough for you to continue. 

You don't have a plan for getting out of here alive, only a plan for distracting David long enough for Ellie to escape and find Joel. They can take care of each other. They'll finish what we started. They'll be okay. You repeat it like a gospel, like a blind truth that you have to follow because you can't afford to think differently. You hope she understands that this is the last thing you want. That if you could've kept her safe forever, you would've. That abandoning her and Joel was never in the cards. You hope she knows that you love her. 

Ellie shouts from the other room, but you can't make out her words. The silence that follows makes you sick to your stomach. You would take her nonstop talking over this eerie stillness. Your fingers search for a weak spot in the ropes as blood drips down your hands. 

"Hey!" A gruff voice rings out from the other side of the room, and you freeze. One of David's men walks over to stand in front of you, a heavy semi-automatic weapon in his hands. When you look down the barrel, a gold bullet stares back at you, but you can't look away.

"Did you find him?" You ask. Something uncertain flickers behind his eyes, and that's enough of an answer. There's a chance, however minuscule, that he's alive and out there and trying to find both of you. A dull and dangerous ball of hope forms between your broken ribs. "We can end this here. If you just let us go, we can put this all behind us."

"And if I don't? You'll what? Kill us just like you killed Alec?" 

"Oh, no. You'd be lucky to die as fast as he did," you say. "After what you did to her, you really think I'd just let you die that easily? I'll rip all your fucking teeth out of your skull and feed them to you before I even think about putting a bullet in your head." Terror flashes across his face, but Ellie's screams keep it growing. The man in front of you turns toward the sound, giving you a window to slip your hands from the loose ropes and grab at his gun. You push it up and away from him, a stray bullet singing through the air and hitting the ceiling. He shoves you back, and the chair breaks as you hit the ground so hard that you see stars.

David rushes in from the other room, blood splattering his clothes— her blood. He looks pissed as he assesses the situation, holding his hand tightly. "I offer you a home here, and this is what you do," Your molars buzz as molten rage rolls off you. David lunges at you, grabbing your face with one hand and holding up the other so you can see his broken finger. You try to squirm away from him, but his grip is tight enough for your jaw to creak with the threat of it shattering. "Look what she fucking did to me! You think you're going to get any sympathy now?" His breath is hot on your face as he shouts, but Ellie's blood is the only thing you care about. You spit in his eyes and wrestle out of his grasp, reaching for a piece of splintered wood. A warning shot fires by your ear before you can lift it, and splitting, ringing pain slices through your brain.

Your heart beats in your face as you try to army crawl further away, shaking your head hard like it will release the muffled pain. A swift kick to your ribs knocks you down, and you roll onto your back, pressing on the broken rib as you try to breathe. David and David's Bitch (you honestly don't care to learn his name, and that title is more fitting anyway) stare down at you with their guns in your direction. David tsks as he steps forward to stand over you, too close for your comfort. You move to put space between you, but he kicks you again. You gasp and bite your tongue hard enough to taste blood.

"I can't wait for your guy to show up so he can see just how pathetic you actually are." He threatens and you laugh, spitting blood.

"Trust me, he's the least of your fucking problems right now." You say, planting your hands behind you to push yourself off the floor. The butt of a pistol cracks across your skull before you can get far.

"No!" Ellie's voice jolts you awake. Your vision is blurry, and the throbbing pain in your body makes you nauseous, but none of that matters as much as she does. Her screams are the stuff of nightmares, helpless and scared out of her fucking mind. You push off the floor, forcing yourself to walk toward the sound until your foot stops moving. You look down to find a rope tied around your right foot, connecting you to one of the pillars in the middle of the room. 

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." You say as you bend down to try pulling it off of you. There's no time. She needs you now. Tears form in your eyes as the rope burns the skin around your ankle, drawing blood. You look around for a knife, glass, anything to help you cut it but find nothing. She's stopped screaming, but that doesn't do anything to stop you from trying to get to her. The blood dripping into your socks makes the rope slippery and stains your hands when you finally get it off. You stand so fast that you get a headrush but don't stop until Ellie's body collides with yours. She's covered in blood and almost screams until she realizes who you are.

"I... I thought. I heard..." She says, clutching your shirt in between her hands. You shake your head as you grab her and run to the doors. They barely budge as you try to push them open, and Ellie grabs your hand, running into the kitchen. She's shaking, and her hair is a mess as she looks around for something to fight with. 

"Ellie, we need to go. We can't stay here." You say as she grabs a smoldering log.

"Cover me." She says, barely looking at you before rushing back out to hide near the door. You grab a knife and duck under a nearby table as David walks in with a bloody cleaver. You grip the knife closer, hoping to slash his Achilles tendon as he walks by when Ellie pops up and throws the log at David's head. The curtain behind him catches fire as you try to track her movements. She stays low and quiet, just like Joel taught her, and you have half a mind to be proud of her for listening.

"There's no way out," David calls as the fire travels up the curtain to the ceiling. He's pacing calmly away from you as the building starts to go up in flames around us. "All the doors are locked, and I have the keys. Nobody is coming to save you, Ellie." You move to the kitchen once his back is turned to you, hoping to find a bottle or bigger knife to distract him. Ellie meets your eyes across the room, and you nod at her, a silent reassurance that you will not let anything happen to her. You find a half-full bottle of wine and quickly dump it down the drain as David rambles about something. You stay low as you look out the kitchen window and throw the bottle to the other side of the room, the last bits of alcohol making the flames grow bigger. You duck when David turns toward the sound and walk back to the swinging door, waiting for the right moment to come out. 

A piece of ceiling falls in front of the door, and flames lick under it, just as you hear Ellie stab David. You turn to jump through the kitchen window when one of David's guys enters the room and locks eyes with you. You've got to be fucking kidding me. You swing the knife at him, slicing his arm as he brings his gun up to shoot. The long shotgun pushes at your chest and sends you backward as blood pours from his arm. You hit the edge of the counter hard but stay up and swinging. The man grunts right in your face, and the fire is tearing the building apart, but all you hear is Ellie. She's screaming louder than you've ever heard, and she's calling for you, for help. You swing the knife once more and hit something squishy that gives. The man sobs in pain, and you dig the knife further into his eye until he stops twitching. 

Once he hits the ground, you jump through the kitchen window and dive onto the floor below, fire burning your arms as you do. You grip the knife closer to you and stand until you see the full sight of Ellie and David. She's on top of him and hitting him over and over and over again with his cleaver. Blood splatters across her face and clothes as David becomes less of a body and more of a stain. You don't try to stop her. You just drop your knife and slowly walk into her line of sight with your hands up. By the time she stops raising her arms to hack the body, she's crying and breathing hard enough for you to hear her over the flames. 

"Ellie," you call, and she jumps like she forgot you were there. The look in her eyes now is so different from the one she gave you earlier when you tried to tell her nothing terrible would happen. It's familiar and heart breaking. She's shaking when you reach for her and pull her off of David. "We need to go, okay? We gotta get out of here." You wrap your arms around her and shield her eyes as you walk past the bodies she left in her wake. 

The snow is a welcome relief from the smothering smoke and fire when you leave the building. Ellie stays tucked under your arm, letting you take her weight as you move toward the blue water, away from David and whatever god failed you. Her shoulders fall slack until a pair of arms wrap around us, and she screams again. Your grip on her tightens as she cries and kicks at whoever is trying to grab you. She nearly falls to her knees as the arms spin her around, taking her away from you.

"Hey, look," Joel's voice is soft as he holds her face. You let him take her and take a step back, trying to process that he's alive. "It's me. It's me. It's okay."

"He tried to..." Ellie mumbles, and you have to turn away from them, vomit burning in your throat. You swallow hard as tears fall down your face and do your best to hold your sobs. "He tried to" is a sentence you've heard too many times but never from someone as young as Ellie. He tried to, and you were right there. He tried to, and you couldn't do anything. He tried to, and she was screaming for you. If David weren't already dead and burning, you'd go back and rip his fucking spine out. He tried to.

Joel saying your name makes you turn to see Ellie wrapped in his jacket, a faraway look in her eyes. You take her backpack from him and go to his other side to snake your arm around his back. He's shaking either from fear or pain. You don't know that it matters. Together, you work to get somewhere safe, helping to carry the weight of the past three months silently.

You found an empty house a few miles away from the resort and let Joel clean Ellie up in the bathroom. She clung to him the whole way here, trembling bloody hands wrapped around his middle. The cut on her nose is gnarly, and she has slices on her fingers from gripping the knife she used to kill David. Other than that, she's more mentally scarred than anything. As soon as she was clean and fed with twenty-year-old Spaghetti-O's, she fell asleep on Joel's chest, her bandaged hand resting over his heart as they lay on the floor together. The words you said to David while begging for their lives surround you. They need each other way more than they need me.

You feel like shit now that the adrenaline has died down. There are burns on your forearms, cuts on your hands, bruises swelling your face, and you're pretty sure the hearing in your left ear is permanently fucked. Your head pounds and your ribs twinge in pain when you breathe too deeply, but it's nothing compared to the screams echoing in your mind. They'll probably embed in your brain and repeat themselves for the rest of your life. You've never heard her scream like that— deep in her chest and desperate, like she was praying for someone to hear her and help, to kill the men who put their hands on her and then some. 

He tried to.

Joel calls your name softly, but you can't turn to face him. Your eyes stay on the front door, the cool metal of your gun warming under your palm. "You should sleep," Joel murmurs as he puts a comforting hand on your back. He's careful not to jostle Ellie as he rubs circles into your skin. You shake your head as your fingers twitch against the gun.

"I was asleep when she," your voice catches in your throat, and you wipe at your eyes. "I didn't even hear her leave. I can't…."

"She's safe, and she's alive. That's the most important thing."

"I was so fucking scared, Joel. I could hear her screaming, and I couldn't do anything to help her," you sniffle as he tugs at your shirt, making you turn to look at him. His eyes are watery and sad, but he doesn't stop you. "The fucking apocalypse happened, and the scariest thing in the world is still a man who thinks he can take whatever he wants."

"I know, baby."

"I can still hear his voice. I-” He pulls you closer and gently takes the gun out of your hands. Slowly, he makes you lie beside him until you relax and use his bicep as a pillow. You're close enough to count the cuts on Ellie's sleeping face, and you almost wiggle away. Joel feels it and quickly kisses your forehead, his grip on you tightening enough to make you stay.

"Let me lay with my girls," he whispers before you can protest. "Please." You sigh and curl into him, wrapping your arm around his stomach, so your fingers can graze Ellie's arm. He traces patterns into your back as you count Ellie's breaths. Every rise and fall of her chest soothes your anxiety just a little more. Her nose scrunches in her sleep, and she mumbles something as her grip on Joel gets tighter. He shushes her and kisses her forehead, whispering, "we're right here, baby girl," into her temple. Then, probably without even realizing it, she moves her hand until it covers yours, her little fingers squeezing you like she's trying to decide if you're real. You take her hand in yours and squeeze back. 

It’s moments like these that make you wonder how you could've gone so long without her. It's moments like these that make you wonder how you could ever go back to the life you had before. It's moments like these that give you a glimpse, a torturous peek, into what could've been. If you had met Joel earlier and had been faster and less guarded, maybe your paths may have crossed sooner. Maybe all those people you loved who died would still be alive somewhere. Maybe nothing would've changed at all. 

"I'm so scared of losing her," You tell him, your eyes still stuck to Ellie's face. Joel takes a deep breath and nods. "When did she stop being cargo?"

"She was never just cargo."

"What are we gonna do?" 

"We're gonna get her to the Fireflies. They'll do whatever they need, and then, I don't know. We could take her back to Jackson and get her settled. Let her have an actual childhood." He says. A regular, ordinary life with them sounds idyllic, something reserved for people way better than you are. 

"What if something bad happens with the Fireflies?" 

"Then, we do whatever it takes to keep her alive. Either way, we're gonna finish this."

"Whatever it takes." You echo. 

"You should sleep," he says. Your body agrees with him even if you're hesitant. "I'll take the first watch. I've probably had enough sleep to last me, at least, a couple of hours." You stare at him to make sure he's okay to stay up before nodding. You squeeze Ellie's hand again and smoosh your cheek against Joel's shoulder, perfectly wrapped up in both of them. Joel goes back to rubbing your back to lull you to sleep, and all you can hear is their breathing and the birds singing to each other outside. Fireflies, ruthless FEDRA officers, Infected, and religious cults are far enough for you to trust that everything is okay. 

"Joel," you say quietly. He hums, and you push yourself up on your elbow to look down at him. "I love you. I don't think I ever told you that, but I want you to know." 

"You never had to. I always knew," he says, his eyes sparkling in the moonlight. "I love you, too." You want to say more. You want to say, "I'm sorry it took me so long to admit it. I'm sorry if it's too late. I'm sorry for falling in love with you in this world that makes love a weakness," but you don't. You lean down and kiss him like you've done hundreds of times and try not to think about what will happen tomorrow.

The only thing you care about is the two people you're curled up within an old, mildewy basement in the middle of fucking Colorado because they are your world now. And nothing will take your world away ever again.

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[cocktailjjrs]

So......

Since I've been suffering with these angsty thoughts... i though i would invite you all suffer with me...

It's about Chuuya...

I was doing some research for my fic (mainly going through bsd novels, blogs, tags and all) and came across this one Insta post in passing (sorry, i don't remember the name).

It was about BSD's cycles.

First, cycle of abuse, going from Mori-Dazai-Aku-Kyouka

and Second of rescue, going from Natsume-Oda-Dazai-Atsushi-Kyouka.

And then they highlighted a third category, the one's who are not saved - including Chuuya, Aku and Q.

At that point i didn't think much about it, just another post while scrolling Insta.

But now it's keeps bothering me, a constant reminder, whenever i read something BSD.

And It's so heart wrenching.

It also hit me, Q and Aku can still be saved.

Q, while we don't exactly know where they are right now, there is a chance of them getting their own arc, backstory and then being saved.

Aku, while still in Mafia, his partnership with Atsushi is his saving grace already. He is making an effort to not kill, just for their deal/bet. By the end of it all, he will be in a better place than he is now.

But Chuuya. (Spoiler's for light novel's if you haven't read them)

I remember very clearly, when in Stormbringer (don't ask me why i remember this byheart), when Murase dies Chuuya says, "Hey Detective, Weren’t you gonna arrest me?! Weren’t you gonna bring me into the world of light"

Don't get me wrong, I still believe Chuuya belongs to Port Mafia, the darkness suits him better than light.

But that does not mean he never wanted to get out of that darkness. This one instance in SB was proof enough. Makes me wonder, if things had gone even slightly differently, would he be in a better place than he is now? Is there still a chance?

What's even more tragic is that after the whole SB thing, no one seemed stick around enough to help him fight his own demons.

And he definitely has MASSIVE DEMONS.

His whole life seems to be one catastrophe after another! Don't believe me?

His first group, whom he called friends, betrayed him. Classic stabbed by poisonous knife in the back.

Hardly a year later, his second friends group, Flags, was killed by an emotionally unstable man-child seeking validation, insisting on calling him brother.

He went through a horrid ordeal, having to learn he was a lab experiment, seeing your clone vaporise to nothing but bones in your own arms, having to fight those same bones. And as if this was not enough, then fighting the monstrosity of a singularity and in process loosing the only chance to determine your humanity. (Actually whole of SB is dreadful, i don't think it'll ever get worse than that - i really hope it doesn't)

Then, given by the timeline, another year later, his third group of friends was killed by Shibusawa.

And again a year later - his partner, who brought him in all this madness, just fucking leaves without a word. This is the least tragic thing that has happened to the boy, i swear.

And I'm sure it didn't end there.

There must have been so many things going on behind the scenes in those missing years, hell even after the series began, Chuuya has been out of scene because something or the other was going on.

Now you have Fyodor fucking shit up for no apparent reason. With this shitshow, many mafia men, some of whom Chuuya might have developed a relation, are definitely dead. Not to mention the mental gymnastics going to trying to at least be on the same fucking chapter as the two geniuses.

AND ALL OF THIS IS JUST IN THE CURRENT TIMELINE. Don't get me started on BEAST VERSE!!! (That's a can of worms I'm really not ready to open at this point)

The thing with Mentally strong individuals is, they have abnormally high emotional intelligence, they are unnaturally resilient, they can compartmentalize their grief, they empathise with great deal of people, think rationally at any given point and think of ways to make things better.

What many people fail to understand is that no one is born Mentally strong, it's the circumstances that make them as such.

It can happen even through small things.

No one being there for you to express your deepest fears. No one just listening to you, even if they have a solution to your problem. Or having seen other's nightmares come to reality and feeling your own are much smaller, or having made to fell that way.

It creates the mentality of never sharing your fears, your insecurities, your discomfort - because at the back of the mind you keep telling yourself - oh, this person has gone through so much more than i have, my fear is nothing compared to it. I can handle it on my own, they have their own problems to handle. Everyone is busy, i don't think they have time to listen to the same problem I've been facing for years now. I've manages so far, i think I can manager just fine.

You start to undervalue your own feelings and start to fell like you'll burden them. Start to feel like you NEED to handle it on your own.

Now, i don't want to go into a spiral of mental health, but when you look at Chuuya, you can't help but marvel at that kids Mental resolution.

His first action after being stabbed in back was to make a deal with a demon to make sure he doesn't harm them, because they are just kids.

His first reaction to being provoked into revenge was to say Fuck off to his manipulator, not falling for the temptation and doing what he felt right.

He even forgave the killer of his friends (And also the one who tried to kill him) for gods sake! Understanding what he was going through.

He even walked away after knowing his parents are alive (oh the irony) not wanting to put a target on them. (I'm actually on fence with this, the chances of it being a manipulation tactic from Mori is just as high as it being the truth)

He had tremendous mental fortitude.

But you still see the cracks in his emotional state,

He was desperate to know if he was human or not, inclining towards the later.

He didn't know, that your friends can do some nice things without expecting anything in return. They can go above and beyond your regular stuff just because they are your friends, there doesn't need to be of anything at stake in friendship.

Hell, there was a point he believed having a Heart was too sophisticated for him, that he can't be that human!

I can go hours and hours about this.

What i can say for sure is, he has demons in all sizes, shapes and forms, something that he has stuffed in his closet only to deal with them himself, not letting them see the light of the day.

i just don't see anyone actually being there for him long enough for him to trust them fully with his demons.

No, not even Dazai. Dazai himself was a walking cry for help, like hell Chuuya is adding to that pile. He may have found a constant in Dazai in three years, seeing as all other's met their end in one. I believe in those three years, somewhere Soukoku began to feel like his safe place, somewhere he didn't had to think about his demons only by the virtue of dealing with one made of flesh and bones. But then even Dazai left.

I don't think even Kouyou was there for most part. And considering her obsession with a flowers of dark with Kyouka, i think it pulled Chuuya more in her own tragedy. Afterall, she also was never saved.

Mori is there, but Mori is a Demon in his own rights. What we've seen is their interactions have been those of a boss and his close confidents, nothing personal or emotional. Which also makes sense when you think of Mori's theory of running an organization. Chuuya, all things considered, the most powerful member of PM and he is treated as such.

The other significant members of PM, the guerrilla squad, black lizards or Kajji - all of them may know him better than most, but he is still their executive. If a 15 and younger kid took the title of being a protector of his rag-tag group seriously, being a responsible and dependable executive comes with higher stakes. He will carry out his role as one, even if it's the last thing he does.

.

.

.

That was me rambling.

My point is, i wanna give Chuuya a big hug, tell him it's okay to fell tried sometimes. To let himself be vulnerable. That his fears are not invalid. That he is not invalid. That he isn't the problem, never was.

That he will still be valued and wanted, even if he one day looses his ability or he is no longer the strongest.

Can someone please save his boy?

[atanx]

So I've been playing a lot of DBH and I have stuff on my mind. For this post: why is the Revolution written Like That??

This has probably been rehashed a lot when DBH actually came out but I'm playing it now and want to add my mustard to this all.

What bothers me about the Revolution route is that it's portrayed pretty negatively. Characters like Rose say that they don't like what Markus (or North I guess) is doing and overall there's not a lot of acknowledgement of the fact that there kind of isn't another choice.

Like yeah, in game there is, but if you look at things from a realistic perspective the humans are putting androids into concentration camps and systematically genociding them. The peaceful demonstration is the naivest shit ever and they can count themselves lucky it succeeds in game. Like yeah, let me just march to our deaths and let countless androids in the concentration camps die while I get myself killed instead of trying to save as many lives as possible by launching an attack.

Like I am convinced that the only reason the demonstration (or revolution for that matter) wins is because Connor pulls up with a fucking army and the authorities go like oh shit. I guess it goes differently on machine!Connor runs, I haven't done one yet, but I can't really see how. Like at the end of the demonstration less than thirty androids remain standing. If Connor didn't bring the thousands of androids from the Cyberlife tower they would have been crushed.

Like, I did a playthrough of: steal truck without being detected. Stratford tower with no human casualties and "calm" message. Pacifist strong message during store raid, sparing the cops. Freedom march with running away. Like from Markus' POV he tried everything. He's been peaceful and the humans are still set on genocide. Doing the same thing over and over expexting a different result is the definition of insanity or whatever. Here, public opinion changes but public opinion is already pretty much useless in real life.

And the Revolution ending... maybe it's just because I failed to save Simon and also Kara was at border control and not in the camps, but it felt unfulfilling. Like it had the same result as the demonstration but also Josh is guaranteed dead because he's really bad at fighting but still comes with to launch a fucking attack.

Maybe it's also that the Revolution has a pretty different gameplay section. It's not just all QTEs you also have to look around and shit, and I don't think it's bad?? It was just so different that I felt overwhelmed and like I didn't really know what was going on. When I'll play it again I'll prob like it better. Like you have to look at a fucking grenade or some shit to save Simon what the hell.

North's revolution was more fulfilling, since it was just epic cutscenes, (and Josh died in Jericho for some reason Connor can't save him even though Markus can and Connor can save all the same people BEFORE-) but unfortunately not enough people were alive so North ended up dead and then Connor was alone and yeah suicide time because Amanda sucks.

Uh. Spoiler warning I guess.

Yeah idk I feel like you should be able to get a best ending with the Revolution. Because the demonstration is the most naive ass bullshit and if that can succeed so can fighting.

Also I know Connor is busy corralling thousands of newly awakened androids into walking in a perfect grid formation for dramatic effect and intimidation factor but I still feel like he deserves a piece of the action!!