#this is why i drink

[loxosceleslolo]

Fromsoft: *posts the Bewitching Branch description, fanart of Miquella and quotes from the trailer*

Reddit: EVIL MIQUELLA CONFIRMED

three more weeks of this y'all

[songofsutarima]

Sober

You know…I like drinking,

But I’m not sure I like drunk.

Because then I’m stuck thinking

About the depths to which I’ve sunk.

All the insults I let loose from my lips.

Saying whatever to make sure a balance tips.

Mistruths spoken and stories just made up.

Maybe if I put the glass down I could trade up.

Maybe i could shine more clearly, like light through perfect glass

And maybe I’d stop stumbling and sounds over my lips could cleanly pass.

Because I hate what I’ve said in an inebriated state.

So I think I’ll chill for a minute; actually think straight.

I hate what I’ve decided to bet when I’m drowning

And it’s probably high time I stop fooling around and clowning.

Because 1-20 isn’t a funny number when I’m behind the wheel,

And the bottle we just bought already has a broken seal.

So instead of starting ignition by turning some keys,

Perhaps, instead of vodka, I’ll drink in the mountains, trees, and breeze.

I’m an anxious person, that can’t be denied,

And I thought that liquor could help me hide.

But anxiety becomes paranoia, which either spirals to angry or sad,

And I don’t like the paranoid person I am when I’m drunk and I’m mad.

Trust and loyalty mean nothing to a poison-drenched mind,

And though no evidence exists, I’ll make it up, then that I’ll find.

And I would like to have that all be avoided.

So I think my future alcohol purchases can be voided.

Laying down with clean blood and a clear brain

Feels better, even if I have the small sadness ache and pain.

I close my eyes and smile because I was able to keep

Sober for a day, and can be sent to restful sleep.

But….who is standing in the corner of my room…?

Seven feet tall and over me this shadow of darkness does loom.

Just staring, unmoving, as I happen to be,

Since this paralysis demon is here for me.

I kinda forgot that he shows up when I have sober dreams

And he has friends to make sure we are on uneven teams.

Now that I see, I remember, why I was drinking.

Because I can’t move right now? Except for my blinking.

I can’t control my breathing, I can’t move my arms.

I can’t scream, and I can’t protect myself from harm.

Internally screeching, begging this devil to leave me alone,

Feeling icy tendrils dig into my flesh and start breaking my bones.

Then I blink and he’s gone and I can finally move.

I remember now what pushed me to what others disapprove.

I swear I tried to put up a good fight, but my attempt is over.

If I have to see him every night, I can’t go back to being sober.

[sweaterkittensahoy]

So, apparently the Bernat Blanket terra cotta and the Bernat Baby Blanket terra cotta are TWO DIFFERENT SHADES, and I'm gonna go to Yarnspirations headquarters and smash things.

It's the same yarn size. It's the same amount of yarn. They feel the same. Why the fuck do you have TWO FUCKING SHADES WTIH THE SAME NAME YOU FUCKING LIARS. WHY IS ONE CALLED BABY BLANKET WHEN THERE IS NO FUCKING DIFFERENCE YOU GODDAMN ASSHOLES

Anyway, now I gotta figure out what the fuck to with a skein of Bernat Baby Blanket I can't use on my project because Yarnsprirations went, "Oh, sure, we'll make them exactly the same down to the color name. That won't be confusing."

[narcan-necromancer]

Just accidentally sent a picture with the nude side of my dakimakura to my grandpa.

[malka-lisitsa]

I AM BULLIED RELENTLESSLY. ELENA THINKS SHE HAS IT BAD?

[hobohobgoblim]

Taking a sick day because I'm exhausted and burnt out and spent 8 hours on the edge of a full blown panic attack yesterday and now I'm in my nice quiet house, alone for once, and I can't relax because I have too many things that I *have* to do.

[lilislegacy]

imagine being someone at new rome university and not knowing percy is the same guy as “percy jackson, son of poseidon, two-time hero of olympus, former praetor” because the thought doesn’t even cross your mind. like… he’s percy. he’s a total frat boy. on a normal night, he walks into a party, refers to everyone as bro or dude, socializes with every living (and not-living) person in the room, makes at least 50 sarcastic comments, plays 12 rounds of beer pong, drinks way too much, and then skates around campus on his skateboard yelling “I LOVE NEW YORK” (which makes no sense, because they’re in california) until someone calls his girlfriend to come get him.

and then one day there’s an attack, and frat boy percy is all of a sudden a fighting machine. he’s yelling battle cries alongside the praetors frank zhang and hazel levesque as they lead everyone into battle. (why is he with the praetors? and why…. why in the world do the praetors seem to be following his lead?) his sword slashes through armies of monsters faster than you’ve ever seen. he’s controlling the entire river surrounding the camp, creating huge waves as tall as skyscrapers that crash down all around him, wiping out monsters and causing mass destruction to his enemies’ ranks. the sky is suddenly dark above you, ice-cold water droplets are slashing through the air, and the wind is blowing so aggressively that it’s making it hard to stand up steadily. because he’s somehow created a hurricane.

and he looks terrifying. you can feel the power radiating off of him. he’s like a god. or maybe a monster. it’s hard to tell. you’re a little scared of him, to be honest. but also in total awe, because it’s extraordinary. he’s extraordinary.

frat boy percy is not who you thought he was.

[adobe-outdesign]

Neopets discourse is always funny to me because whenever drama starts up 90% of the time it's over something that's just objectively really silly

For example, right now there's neo-billionaires threatening to quit the site over a rare item being released, which wouldn't be funny except the item in question is a tiny pea wearing a Santa hat

[loxosceleslolo]

how young is OOP that they think people in the 80's talked like characters from a 1920's novel

Sigh.

[inkskinned]

probably time for this story i guess but when i was a kid there was a summer that my brother was really into making smoothies and milkshakes. part of this was that we didn't have AC and couldn't afford to run fans all day so it was kind of important to get good at making Cool Down Concoctions.

we also had a patch of mint, and he had two impressionable little sisters who had the attitude of "fuck it, might as well."

at one point, for fun, this 16 year old boy with a dream in his eye and scientific fervor in heart just wanted to see how far one could push the idea of "vanilla mint smoothie". how much vanilla extract and how much mint can go into a blender before it truly is inedible.

the answer is 3 cups of vanilla extract, 1/2 cup milk alternative, and about 50 sprigs (not leaves, whole spring) of mint. add ice and the courage of a child. idk, it was summer and we were bored.

the word i would use to describe the feeling of drinking it would maybe be "violent" or perhaps, like. "triangular." my nose felt pristine. inhaling following the first sip was like trying to sculpt a new face. i was ensconced in a mesh of horror. it was something beyond taste. for years after, i assumed those commercials that said "this is how it feels to chew five gum" were referencing the exact experience of this singular viscous smoothie.

what's worse is that we knew our mother would hate that we wasted so much vanilla extract. so we had to make it worth it. we had to actually finish the drink. it wasn't "wasting" it if we actually drank it, right? we huddled around outside in the blistering sun, gagging and passing around a single green potion, shivering with disgust. each sip was transcendent, but in a sort of non-euclidean way. i think this is where i lost my binary gender. it eroded certain parts of me in an acidic gut ecology collapse.

here's the thing about love and trust: the next day my brother made a different shake, and i drank it without complaint. it's been like 15 years. he's now a genuinely skilled cook. sometimes one of the three of us will fuck up in the kitchen or find something horrible or make a terrible smoothie mistake and then we pass it to each other, single potion bottle, and we say try it it's delicious. it always smells disgusting. and then, cerimonious, we drink it together. because that's what family does.

[theshitpostcalligrapher]

fun fact if you put rum(captain morgan), orange crush, and baijiu (dazhigu kaoliang liquor) together in a cup you end up with something that tastes like pure vanilla soda

[squarecloud73]

*I worship you Tumblr please don’t remove it

Kabru is a freak and Laios should suffer

Ship or not, it’s so hilarious that Kabru is no less crazy than Laios. His passion is digging down everyone’s darkest secrets and family drama, his relaxing activities are flirting and gossiping with every homosapien with eligible language.

The reason why Laios was chill around him is because they were never close enough! Kabru is charming and cool if you only meet him twice a week at a bar, but look at how cautious and unnerved his close friends get when he starts blasting information nonstop.

“Can you see how scandalous that sleeve is?” “I heard she granted her the first name base!” “Laios look at the embroidery on that shirt, his business is definitely running as smoothly as I predicted!”

I want to see this Kabru around Laios, I want to see him decipher so many tiny body languages and unspoken rules of humans so happily that Laios can’t decide if he wants to chop his ears off or smack Kabru with a brick, I want to see Laios being forced into balls after balls and feeling the urge to drown himself in a barrel of wine just to end the conversations.

“But Laios gets anxious around people.” So does Kabru with monsters!??

Kabru’s freakiness deserves to be recognized, too! Let him be the insufferable bastard he’s born to be! Let him and Laios traumatize each other!

[pinkiepig]

They only wanted to see Narinder and they’re being dramatic about it. But they can’t die in the presence of 💅✨friendship✨💅💅

[bbbbbbbbatman]

Here’s how I want robin in the next battinson movie:

The very first scene is Bruce and tiny Dick Grayson sitting across from each other at the dining table, staring each other down in silence, both clearly grumpy about it. Alfred is in the background watching them with concern. The silence lasts about 20 seconds before Dick speaks.

“Let me fight crime.” (said with all the petulance of a pouty 10 year old)

Bruce replies immediately. “No.” (this is clearly an ongoing argument)

Immediately cut to the next scene where Dick, wearing the iconic Robin suit, is having the time of his life swinging across the city while Bruce frantically tries to keep up with him while yelling at him to be careful like an anxious mother

[darcyolsson]

i could never be american because whenever I get a big drink I'm like oh great now I have to drink this big drink. i have to take care of this big drink they gave me. everything is terrible in the world

[sephirthoughts]

WHO PUT MY TEENAGED SON IN RUBBER LEGGINGS

Uh....

Where is he? Is he where I think he is 💀💀💀

A certain someone's lab...