#this is what living with autism feels like btw
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I hate that I feel like I'm neglecting adult GB, considering 1. He's my favourite cyborg and 2. ALSO my husband, just to draw his inferior tiny version. Sorry Brain, but you've been very mean to me recently, so I'm drawing child GB since he's my comfort character (Or kin? Idk?) AND I unironically like drawing him, he's cute regardless.
Not to mention he's kinda fun to explore. Like, he was only in the 60s anime era of Cyborg 009 and I like to imagine what if they kept him as a child OR he always started out as one. So many possibilities and ideas!
And reminder; just because I call GB my husband, does NOT include kiddo GB! Only adult! Plus, I self-project myself onto little GB anyways, so shan't. (Don't ask how that works, because idunevenknow)
Another thing too, I love ALL forms of 74! All incarnations of it! However, I will confess 60s 74 is more cuter, hence why I draw it more! I still love regular adult 74 too!
All GBs and 74s are cute to me! There is just versions I happen to like drawing a lot, but that I does not mean I dislike any other versions (Unless it's RE or COJ GB).
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tell me why i can hear another tenants fucking music from my flat. HE DOESNT EVEN LIVE IN MY BUILDING. HE LIVES IN A COMPLETELY SEPARATE BUILDING ON THE SECOND FLOOR AND I CAN HEAR HIS MUSIC FROM MY FLAT. MY FLAT WHICH IS IN A DIFFERENT SEPARATE BUILDING.
#and staff just say ‘oh we can’t do anything bc its not 11pm yet.’#ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS.#i am autistic person who has just spent a full 12hrs in extremely overstimulating public spaces#i am exhausted and i have had to wake up at ass o’clock in the fucking morning#every day for the past like week and a half and will be expected to do so for the forseeable future#i am extremely sensitive to noise and have no ability to zone things out#like everything is always at the same volume for me#all the fucking time no matter what#and they say like oh well in the community there wouldnt be anything to be done so we cant do anything here#BUT WE ARENT IN THE COMMUNITY. ARE WE. WE ARE AT A SUPPORTED LIVING ACCOMMODATION WHERE I HAVE BEEN PLACED#BY MY LOCAL AUTHORITY WHO ARE PAYING TWENTY THREE GRAND A YEAR#AND I AM PAYING FIVE HUNDRED A MONTH#IN ORDER TO RECIEVE SUPPORT FOR MY DISABILITIES. A BIG ONE BEING MY FUCKING AUTISM.#YOU KNOW. THE ONE WHICH IS BEING DIRECTLY IMPACTED BY THE BEHAVIOUR OF ANOTHER TENANT.#WHEN I AM BEING PUSHED TO MY LIMIT ALREADY. LIKE IDK FEELS KINDA CRAZY THAT THIS ISNT SOMETHING THAT CAN BE SORTED.#i fucking hate men there is just literally no fucking respect or consideration like its genuinely disgusting and so fucking infuriating#and like he says that staff (women. btw) are being too naggy about it. but never fucking stops to consider that maybe.#maybe people wouldnt have to ‘nag’ you about it IF YOU JUST. DIDNT DO THE THING THAT IS ACTIVELY CAUSING OTHER PEOPLE STRESS.#IDK FUCKING WILD IDEA JUST THOUGHT OF IT.#literally die i want everyone involved to die like I CANNOT DO THISSSSSSSSSSSS
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LIKE!!!!!! BEING TRANSGENDER BEING QUEER IN ANY WAY ISN'T HARMFUL BEHAVIOR!!!!!!! IT'S LITERALLY NOT EVEN A BEHAVIOR!!!!! IT'S JUST A THING THAT YOU ARE!!!!!! And SOMETIMES. You act accordingly! You may change your name and pronouns! You may seek HRT! You may look into surgery! You may only do a few of those things or any combination of those things (or maybe even none?!), whichever works for you and your sense of self-actualization. BUT. Doing ANY of those things. Is NOT HARMFUL BEHAVIOR!!!!!!!!!!! And in the sexuality department! If you have "same sex attraction" as they like to call it. Also not even a behavior. It's just a thing you Feel. But of course you gotta moralize Feelings, too. Forget about it!!!!! And if you Act on it. That's still not harmful. Who are you harming? Giving a little kissie to your same gendered homie???? Or getting handsy????? But on God. Do not get me started. My MAIN POINT. Is that there is literally no harm. There is nothing to correct here. There is nothing to fix here. Except for the hatred in your heart!!!!!! Your fear of the unknown!!!!!!!! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GIVE ME ONGOING EVERLASTING TRAUMA OVER THIS THIS IS FUCKING STUPID‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️
#SAME LOGIC CAM BE APLLIED TO AUTISM. AUTISM ITSELF IS NOT A BEHAVIOR.#but bestie i know i do not have the fucking words or capacity to get into it. i'm so sorry#i feel like. there's such a difference. for me personally. and i think it's entirely rooted in the time periods#i experienced each trauma/how long it's lived in me. like yeah homophobia/transphobia sucks ass#and can really fuck w me esp on a bad day. but most times i can move through it and articulate it#bc i was like. 15. i probably knew around 13. but i do feel like the brunt of it started at 15#the autism. i. internalized that i was a bad kid as soon as i was in kindergarten.#i internalized that i was a freak in 3rd grade.#i've had to work through SO much internaized ableism. as a previously high masking autistic individual.#my entire life i've felt like i've had to correct myself. and when the queerness became apparent#everyone made it their fucking job to correct me too.#THE APP. CRASHED. MID RANT. the power... of my rage.....#but like i was GONNA add. another key difference actually is i literally never understood Why#queerness in any form was 'bad' or sinful. like. straight up just never fucking got it.#like... why is it uniquely sinister.... for me (presumably something of a girl as it was understood at the time) to also like girls...#idk i just never fucking understood why it was such a fuckinh problem. why i 'should' have felt bad for it.#literally... who gives a shit....... and also??? women are people? just like guys? and what if i like her. what then.#idk arbitrary rules and autism don't really mix.#i have no greater point btw. it was probably Something about how
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something about these audric and grim pieces make me feel so ?? at ease ?? I CAN’T FUCKING EXPLAIN IT BUT AUUFJDHFJGJFJ,,, I LITERALLY MADENTHE FIRST ONE MY WALLPAPER AS SOON AS I SAW IT AND IT’S SO . 😢😢😢 do NAWWTTT PERCEIVE ME!!!!!!!
#i realize that i’m literally posting this as if audric from the first image isn’t literally my pfp#ALSO GAHHH I NEED TO KNOW WHAT DAISY WAS COOKING IN THE SECOND ONE HELLOOO ???#having old lml art from before the reboot was announced is both a blessing and a curse /j#oh yeah btw . just wanted to say .#PLEAAASEEE DO NAWWWTTT SHIP AUDRIC AND GRIM HERE#I WILL LITERALLY THROW UP IN YOUR FACE DON’T PLAY WITH ME#anyways i need to like . study audric and grim under a microscope#because they’re genuinely so fascinating#i could go on and on about them but then we’d be here all day#also don’t mind me suddenly living ?? i can’t work tumblr to save my life but didn’t feel like opening twitter to post this#yes i am unfortunately a chronic twitter user#i am ashamed and i apologize#anyways i am only just now realizing i should’ve tagged the characters too..#so#audric charon#gremory erebus#grim erebus#grim lml#lonelymanslazarus#lonely-man’s lazarus#lonely man’s lazarus#lml#autism me this batman#sorry sorry#i’m very hyperfixated on batman rn#and this has literally nothing to do with the post#i will be taking my leave now…#i feel like that ant with the bag and stick rn#goodbye gamers … 💔💔
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Ya know. I spent most of my life with horrible painful soul-crushing social anxiety.
And after about 25 years of continuous hard work, suddenly, people started pointing out - to my utter bafflement - that I had, in fact, achieved my lifelong dream of being charismatic. I'm 29 now; I feel comfortable in most social situations, and it is a very rare person whom I cannot make laugh.
I am, undoubtedly, finally, charismatic.
But do you know what I found?
I found that now that I have an understanding of which social rules serve which functions -- Now that I have an understanding of just how much damage my awkwardness was doing to people, well,
I found that, actually, my awkwardness never really hurt anyone at all. People were just judgmental dicks to me about it.
Now that I have the skill-level to (most of the time) creatively vocalize what is in my head as soon as I think it and without fear, I can confirm once and for all what I had always suspected:
I was worth talking to when I was quiet.
I was worth talking to when I was awkward, and when the words in my head took time and patience to hear, and when most of my jokes didn't land. I was worth talking to the whole time.
So I just... I hope that if you've ever wondered whether you are worth communicating with, the answer is yes. Absolutely yes. Each of us has a soul worth sharing - and if you and I were talking, I would happily wait for you to speak (or communicate in other ways) without condescending, and I would never shame you for that harmless awkwardness that so many people feel the need to violently stomp out.
You are worth talking to. You just are. And you deserve people who will speak to you with kindness, with patience, and with the basic immutable respect owed to all people.
(I talk about this with some frequency, both on tumblr and in real life. At some point, maybe I'll gather all my thoughts on the matter into one post. At some point, I wrote about my personal experience trying to build my social skill. But I felt the need to say at least a little bit tonight after seeing this other lovely post, and I'm glad I did. It will happen again.)
#original#social anxiety#autism#that one post#actually autistic#self-diagnosis is valid - in case that last tag implies otherwise to anyone. i think it just denotes i am an autistic and not just an ally.#social skills#socially awkward#socially anxious#autistic positivity#autism positivity#like actually genuinely who does it hurt if i tell a joke that doesn't land? esp if the joke is not about another person#this is not a live comedy show this is life ya gotta learn to say 'ah well they can't all be golden!'#which btw is a line i use when my own jokes don't land and it usually plays pretty well actually. i've got a higher hit rate but#genuinely they just can't all be good! anyway i go into that in the post linked at the end there i think#people can tell when you're not sure of yourself socially and a lot of folks instinctively use that against you. and i am here to say that#it's fucked up that they are doing that and they need to step off actually. imagine getting to decide on which social cues are#acceptable and then using that power to be unkind. fuckin gross. i regret so deeply each time in my life i have made that choice.#being a kid who is abused like that so often it was eager to power trip when i met kids more awkward than myself. but it was wrong#and i regret it. and i am proud to say i haven't done that in a long time and instead when i find myself with that power i try to say#actually what do YOU want? to the people shyer than me.#i'm pretty rad now is what i'm saying lol#like all the ways that having a good social stat has improved my life just made me realize what bullshit it is that this was necessary#doing what I did is not desirable or possible for everyone. they deserve just as much out of life as i do.#side note: i think I've actually surpassed a lot of neurotypicals who had never even had to think about social rules 🤣.#like I feel no competition with other people who have struggled socially but now that I'm more charming than people who were dicks to me#I do feel like fuck you!! I win!!!! I can finally see enough of the full picture to say that your arbitrary rules were FUCKING ARBITRARY#I'm also aware of the fact that not everyone finds me charismatic but i am. in all the ways that matter to me. and I'm still growing!#note to future jack: you did save these posts in your notes app on the day this was written.#tbh i am often still awkward i am just not sorry anymore if i'm not hurting ppl. 'confident and awkward' really throws 'em for a loop! XD
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It's not easy to be a guy with a weird gender and complicated relationships with its sexuality and romantic attraction and fat and autistic and traumatized to the bone but someone has to do it
#luly talks#i tried to rb a post but i hit post limit and i lost it LMAO but i find it interesting how my things overlap#bc as some of you might know i grew up as a fat little girl and you know the world fucking hates us#and on top of that autistic although i had the most neurodivergent ppl along w me#i still wasn't like my other friends tho i always was slightly more lonely slightly more disconnected#they were in on things i didn't seem to be in the social spectrum and i never understood that#and one of those things was indeed romance and dating and in my teen years sex too#like by default i was seen as undesirable. just by virtue of being fat and also kinda androgynous#and the autism just. kept me far away from any social circle or interaction that'd bring me closer to an encounter of any kind#and i always yearned lord knows i still dream of Ana but the thing is i...#i just. love romance in paper#i love the idea of romance. i love the yearning i love the feeling#i know the feeling bc i know euphoria! i know the euphoria that comes from love.#but to me that's a very short lived feeling specially when engaging directly with it#i think its part of a matter of being taught what romantic attraction is and how they paint it#it's similar to how you are taught X and Y is hot even before you understand why#like i remember my mother always joking w me about male mannequins' cocks and like sure i played along#bc i thought it was funny and if the adult i seeked approval from did it then i absolutely should too#but she also scolded me once (and btw i was like 15) bc idk i was acting. like a perv?#and it's so bizarre in retrospective bc it might have been before the age of 15 bc i really didn't care about such matters then#I've always been amaizing at masking i love understanding people and why they do what they do and replicating them#so me being positive to sex and romance is to be expected#but at the same time its weird bc i cannot bring myself to hating it but i also just. dont fucking feel it#but at least w sex comes the horror of having a body too like there's a lot man#but my point is that its funny how despite being seen as undesirable for society i was unaffected bc i was oblivious to it
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alrighr, yandere it is(maybe, I mean truck dad hyperfixates on you like you're his autism interest)
And also him being completely horny on the inside is so funny like
"Ah hello Y/N, it's always a pleasure to have you here(i was feeling so depressed and having a boner 5 minutes ago in my dorm)"
that's him, that's my obsessed optimus.
like yeah, he smiles at you and seems a bit chirpier than usual in your presence, but he still keeps his feelings for you bottled up inside. he’s like boiling water in a pot with a lid on. the pressure makes the lid rattle, so you know the water’s boiling, but you don’t know how much. when it comes to Optimus’ feelings — it’s intense as hell. giving him attention calms him down a little since he can focus on you, on the conversation, or the contact between your skin and his metal, but if you’re not around, bro’s like a ticking time bomb. and, it really doesn’t help that he’s horny. sometimes.
let’s say he hasn’t seen you for a long time (a week). the longing eats away at his processor; he thinks about you 24/7, and suddenly his thoughts start getting bolder, more shameless, focusing more on your body than your soul. he tries to remind himself, to scold himself, that it’s immoral and he absolutely shouldn’t be stirring himself up like this, because it’s hurtful for both of you. that he’s being crude. and then he looks down and already knows that he’s failed again, that he couldn’t stop himself. and it’s exactly like you wrote — then you show up at the base, and Optimus acts ‘normal,’ sweet towards you, asking if you’re okay, how life’s going, anything just to keep you talking to him, like he wasn't jerking off 5 minutes ago thinking about your cleavage 💀
optimus: the world is a cruel and unjust place. i feel excitement at the sight of a being 50 times smaller than me. i am going insane without them, i need to be near them 25 hours a day or i’ll lose my mind, but i can’t confess my feelings to them because they’ll think i’m disgusting and creepy. i will never be happy...
*reader walks into the base*
optimus: omg reader hi
i can totally see him listening to country music and imagining the two of you as a couple living out in the countryside with a bunch of sparklings.
just pray to god he never finds out what thirst songs are, because he WILL let his erotic fantasies run wild (you top btw)
tbh the only thing that could save him is you confessing your feelings for him and accepting the fact that he’s a freak when it comes to you, because optimus would just keep spiraling in a loop of self-hatred, depression, and arousal until he just burns out.
#transformers#transformers x reader#optimus prime x reader#optimus x reader#tfp#be silly#obsessed!optimus
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AITA for banning a child from my house?
It's not my child, btw- it's my cousin, an 8 y/o autistic boy. I am 15 and it's technically not my house.
For context, my cousin has EXTREMELY severe autism, to the point where he quite literally cannot form any connections with people and does not sit down at all. He is always running around, yelling in garbled speech, and doesn't understand words, sentences, or commands. He only responds to his name when his mother calls it. He isn't intelligent mentally, either. I do love him a lot in spite of how he has never paid attention to me or treats both me and everyone else around him as though they don't exist.
I have (had?) a cat. I have raised this cat for 3 years and I got this little furball when he was only 2 weeks old. I gave him milk and cared for him so, so much. He was a Persian-British mix and was, frankly, pretty dumb and sleepy all the time. Like a little doll.
My cousin also, apparently, decided that my cat, Velvet, was doll-like, because he grabbed Velvet and refused to let the cat go. I was in the bathroom at the time and only heard the cat's mewing. Nobody else was home. My cousin thought it would be nice to throw Velvet out of the window. Our 4th-story window. Velvet was a spoilt little thing and had never really lived outside of a house, and consequently, died. My cousin? Didn't care. Just went away from the open window and went back to running around the house.
I came out only a few seconds later and was very confused as to just WHERE was the previously mewing cat, and obviously I couldn't just ask my cousin, since he can't talk and wouldn't be able to think of it either. My mom found the fucking CORPSE when she came back home. I was horrified and, while I don't think this was the proper thing to do to a little boy who has absolutely ZERO awareness of his surroundings, I proceeded to absolutely scream my head off at my cousin while grabbing his arm, which resulted in an absolute meltdown from him and my aunt (who had also just arrived) having to physically pry me off him as I was crying. I don't think I can be really blamed for being upset over my cousin KILLING my BELOVED PET just because he was born wrong. I also sort of yelled at my aunt to never come here or bring her son here ever again. My mother has severely chastised me for that and had ME grounded. What the fuck. Mental illnesses aren't all sunshine and rainbows, y'all. Ugh. I feel like I AM the asshole, but honestly. Consider the circumstances. I hate it here and I miss my fucking cat.
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pillow tpot headcanons (long ramble expanding on the ocd part under the cut)
ok so first warning: i am not a psychiatrist. this isnt a super educated essay on ocd, just me projecting my lived experience onto an object show character. this is just an observation. if i get something wrong feel free to correct me, ill add it here. (its also worth noting i am self diagnosed. not "quick google search" self dx though, ive gone over it with a therapist and everything)
and that leads into the second warning: this ramble will get a tad bit personal sorryyyy
and finally the third warning: i put she/it on the ref but im just using she/her for simplicity (+ i forgot LOL(
anyway so yeah i think that pillow has ocd and is basically the embodiment of "letting intrusive thoughts win" except like. actually. this headcanon didnt stem from the killing or the strange impulses though, i think she has it because of her fixation on good and bad luck in tpot 10.
for me it manifests in a few different ways. my main one is counting—i have good luck numbers and bad luck numbers. i need to take a specific number of snacks every time i have a bowl of them. i have to shake medicine bottles a certain amount of times before taking them. i am always counting the "syllables" of whatever im doing, and it always has to land on a multiple/factor of my lucky number. and if i break any of this, i (generally, if i cant convince myself its fine or if i dont notice) have to count to my lucky number otherwise something bad will happen. hell, i added more flags to this ref because the number of them was my unlucky number.
i have a few other things that affect it that are completely unrelated to counting, though. like a particularly bad one is that i straight up cant wear certain articles or clothing anymore because theyre bad luck. or my ungodly long night routine (which is probably more of an autism thing tbh. but certain parts of it are absolutely influenced by the ocd, like having to say goodnight to my dog).
that ^^ is what i saw in pillow. she was distraught that her team lost in 9, because not only did she think she was doing the challenge right, but killing people (bringing death) was good luck for her.
i think her killing people was a compulsion, and her whole thing in 10 was her scrambling to find a new one after that stopped working.
and before anyone tries to be all like "oh thats fucked up why would they portray ocd like that," one: i dont think this was on purpose this was just an observation, two: i mean..... fuck dude if i lived in a world where revival was incredibly accessible and one of my compulsions were to kill people, id do the same thing. death is fairly normal in bfdi, to the point everyone literally has a kill count on the fandom wiki (hers is 13 as of tpot 11 btw, a commonly unlucky number ironically enough. if she gets eliminated in 12 with an unlucky kill count thatd be so funny). once they get past the pain, its. really just an inconvenience to them.
when it comes to ocd, you. HAVE to do these things. its not a choice until you can get some outside help with it, and oftentimes its an inconvenience to those around you. i dont think its right for her to be going around killing her team, but when i get past the fact that is literally what made her my favorite, i get where shes coming from. shes trying to help in a way she "knows" will work.
or maybe shes just silly idk
#art#artists on tumblr#bfdi#bfb#tpot#battle for dream island#battle for bfdi#the power of two#pillow tpot#tpot pillow#bfdi pillow#pillow bfdi#bfb pillow#pillow bfb#bfdi tpot#object shows#object show community#soooo scared to post this
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What’s your take on Pelle wanting a romantic relationship irl? Do you think it’s something he would’ve wanted? Or was he afraid that he was too odd for someone to accept him? (I don’t know if that sounds harsh). Since you think that he was sensitive.
Btw I love your analysis girl 🫶
I'm not so sure about relationships, but I firmly believe that he wanted to connect to someone, somehow.
In terms of friendships, I think Øystein was the closest friend he had (at least during his time in Norway), but even so, Pelle didn't open up much for various reasons that include the environment in which he was at that time and most probably trust issues. Talking at some point with Old Mayhem, she described an 'invisible wall' between Pelle and his friends/ the world and I couldn't agree more. It feels like Pelle would've wanted this meaningful connection with someone, anyone, but unfortunately, he didn't manage to form it. I genuinely think this had a massive contribution to why he took his own life.
I don't know if he would've wanted a relationship because a relationship comes with a lot of stress and pressure for being in a commitment, attending someone else's needs, etc, but he definitely felt alone and forgotten in this world. After all, he wrote in his last lyrics 'No one will ever miss you'. He longed to be seen, to be given attention and importance. There are a lot of signs of emotional neglect in how he developed, but I will try to keep it short. I consider him as being in the autism spectrum and a relationship would most likely feel overwhelming, especially since he would lack experience, confidence, etc. But if I have to imagine him in a relationship, I can only imagine him being with someone patient and calm.
People with strong trauma responses, PTSD and those who suffer from personality disorders need a partner who is a bit more mentally equipped to manage stressful situations than your average Joe. To see improvement in Pelle's mental health, he would need a very patient and mature partner.
Love can heal a broken heart. I am one of those people who believe that no matter how broken you are, if you find someone to love you for who you are, someone who is willing to accept you with all of your inner demons, with the the good and the ugly, you can start to heal. Currently, I'm following this process myself. The human brain can be programmed and re-programmed. We are very adaptable to our environments and if we make our senses realize we're not in danger anymore, we can finally allow ourselves inner peace. This is why I believe that Pelle could've been saved.
Hypothetically speaking, Pelle would have a hard time adjusting to a relationship. He was quite rigid, stubborn and unwilling to change for others. To make a relationship work, you need to make some compromises. Another aspect that I want to point out is that Pelle had outbursts or 'episodes' of impulsive behavior when he was living. That would be a serious problem. Øystein (and Metalion, if I remember correctly) had to literally hold Pelle down when he suddenly wanted to 'go to Transylvania'. The question is: Would someone be able (and willing) to deal with this again and again? He would definitely need psychiatric treatment, but would he accept that? There are so many factors that would make dating Pelle a real challenge. I also believe that he was suffering some sort of perceptual delusion. I won't call it Cotard's syndrome since it is not recognized in the DSM and since we have very little information about it, but my honest opinion is that he might have had something more that just depression and I'm kind of pointing towards Major Depression with Psychotic Features. If you believe something else, that's fine. Everyone does their own research and reaches their own conclusions.
I do think he was sensitive and there would've been room in him to grow positive feelings towards someone, to form a meaningful connection and learn to trust again. In the end, it doesn't matter if he would've had a romantic partner or a best friend, he would've liked to form a bond with another soul, someone who understands him, respects him and is there to stay.
I imagine him as being very honest, capable of showing tenderness, being mindful, quiet, contemplative and trustworthy in a meaningful relationship.
Sorry for my late response, I had an awful weekend.
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do you have any tips for writing a low empathy character who isn't evil? Or how to make an interesting apathetic character who's a thoughtless sort of evil? These are two different chatacters btw-
I tried looking up examples and stuff but uh. It's been a bit fruitless.
Honestly it's not too hard! Having low empathy just means we're bad at automatically "connecting" to the feelings of other people. You can come to understand it's not even a character flaw once you uncouple the idea that Empathy = Kindness. And apathy, well, that one's a bit more complicated imo.
Low Empathy
In English, it's just unfortunately super common to conflate Empathy and Compassion. To have compassion is to be aware of the suffering of another person, and ergo, want to help stop it. To be empathetic is to identify with and understand the feelings of another person. These are different things.
For an example in action; imagine a medic with a patient whose shoulder is dislocated, and xey'll need to pop that arm back in place in order for the patient to feel better.
A medic feeling EMPATHY for that patient is having an emotional response to what xey're seeing. Xey might have a tingly "ghost pain" thinking about the injury, and xey might feel guilty xey're going to put them in more agony, but also joy because this patient is going to feel much better in just a moment.
A medic feeling COMPASSION for that patient is thinking about how the shoulder must be causing a lot of pain, and knows xey have the skill to fix it. Xey know from xeir own experience that pain sucks and so it is a bad thing that needs to go away. It will hurt a little more for a moment, but then there will be immediate relief.
This is imo, why a lot of low empathy people are "bad at" comforting people without going to Autism College where they give you the scripts of Shit Neurotypicals Say. We're not trying to be selfish when we end up making "comfort sessions" about ourselves-- that's what we think empathy is, because we don't have a lot of it to really know what you want.
Like, doesn't it make sense to you? "I don't know what you're feeling. Here's a similar situation I've been though. I must know what you're feeling-- does that make you feel better? That you aren't alone? I think that's what empathy is, am I right?"
A LOT of low empathy people go into medical fields, the funeral industry, and disaster relief. We often really do want to help people so seek these fields out, or when we get there, just end up not getting burnt out like our high-empathy peers!
Apathy
As for the apathetic character, honestly, I'd suggest thinking about your story's themes. Villains are very special to me and I always try to handle them with care. What are you trying to say is bad to not care about in your work? How does their apathy play into the story you're trying to tell?
A Captain Planet villain is completely selfish, and exists only to benefit itself by exploiting nature in some way. Then the Planeteers show up and punch it in the face. Boiled down to its barest, most simple essentials; "We have conflicting goals and so I will stop you."
Personally I find total apathy to be something not especially compelling in villains, for that reason. Like, if you really don't care about anything, why bother with the trouble of going against the protag? Motivation is meant to be MOTIVATING.
(also ngl I'm on the Shadow As A Hero sort of bandwagon where I find it much funnier for the simple apathetic cool edgy guy to be the funniest person on your tennis team)
Dungeon Meshi has TWO characters who struggle with apathy, and are both antagonists at some points in the story, but never villains. Shuro and Mithrun. The theme of Dungeon Meshi is the beauty and complexity of life, the value of living, and how our connections to others changes the people we are. Food is a metaphor for bonding, self-care, and understanding.
For Shuro, he begins the story as someone who's both been encouraged to bottle up his emotions for the sake of other people, as well as to not actually consider the emotions of those lower-born than him. He's from a very different place than the other members of his party, and this causes friction as class, culture, and sophisticated, refined, weapons-grade autism clashes.
When the woman he loves is eaten by a dragon, he doesn't stop to tell her brother and """childhood friend""" what he's planning, as if they both wouldn't run in and get hurt. He owns demi-humans. He doesn't consider his own needs or the needs of his rescue team of loyal vassals. As a result, he's too weak to continue, losing a fistfight with one of the main characters, Laios.
After this, he connects with him for the very first time, and reaches out to him by giving him an important magic item. There's even a MASSIVE moment where he outright tells Laios that his ability to be so open (read: not have to mask his autism) is something he envies, breaking through that veil of apathy he wears.
The story Dungeon Meshi is telling here is that it is important to value the needs of yourself and of others. Shuro's apathy towards his own needs in a bid to prove his love weakened him. In acting like he was above his old teammates, he never spoke to them like people to smooth out his issues. He's never even noticed how much his vassals love and care for him.
(and the incredible irony is not lost on me, that Shuro's name is because Laios mispronounced it and was never corrected... while Shuro never noticed that Izutsumi had the unwanted name "Asebi" forced onto her when she was "taken in" and made his slave.)
See how that comes back to the theme? Shuro doesn't exist to just "be some asshole" or act like a villain. He has a full character arc that contributes to the narrative.
For Mithrun? I won't even spoil it. Go read Dungeon Meshi. Watch elf depression. We love a king with strabismus.
Anyway,
If you ever need good personal resources on any stigmatized mental condition, I've found it's usually productive to go into the #Actually (Thing) tag here on Tumblr. You can find people posting about basically anything. I found a lot of really good resources on NPD that way.
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I’ve thought about it some more and I want to rephrase: the specific thing about the way Dungeon Meshi handles gender and autism that makes me bonkers is the blunt way the author states the differences between Laios and Falin’s treatment by the world. If Falin had been the one to try and carve out a space for the both of them, she would have been dismissed at best. But Laios was the one to try that, and for the crime of being a big autistic man, he was beaten for it. Many- most, even- aspects of this world and the real world favor men, when a gender or presentation is favored. Misogyny is extremely present in so many of our lives. But it is naive to pretend that there are no downsides to being seen as a man, especially one of color, or one that’s not neurotypical, or any number of things. Falin faces unique struggles as an autistic woman, usually internal, and usually to do with the social pressures placed on her to be seen as nothing but agreeable. But Laios faces unique struggles as an autistic man, like getting the shit kicked out of him or punched in the face or having people plot to kill him.
I’m super not trying to say that either has it better. Facing conflict because you are incapable of not presenting as exactly the kind of person you are isn’t inherently worse or better than being unable to present at all, trapped within yourself. But the way it’s presented in Dungeon Meshi is fascinating to me.
Ok so first of all I want you to know I GET IT. I HAVE SEEN HOW BAD IT CAN SUCK FOR AUTISTIC MEN IN A LOUD AND OPEN AND PHYSICAL WAY and how NO ONE FUCKING DOES ANYTHING ABOUT IT because Guys Are Supposed To Be Tough and You Should Just Stop Acting Weird And Having Feelings and all that bullshit!!!!!!! I watched that happen to someone very close to me over the course of My Whole Childhood. It's fucking dismal and it makes me really happy to see a character like Laios where those struggles are front and center.
BUT! I also want to point out that your wording here, altho it is not your intention to belittle Falin's suffering, makes it seem like her/typical autistic women's suffering is wholly immaterial. Which is NOT true. It's not that Falin's emotional suffering is equal to Laios' physical suffering, it's that their autism/neurodivergence makes them both vulnerable to physical AND emotional abuse, but in different ways because of gendered social dynamics.
•••
(Quick aside: non-autistic men and women both experience physical as well as emotional abuse because of their percieved gender as well, btw. Yes, men get priveleges, but patriarchy harms them, too. You know what, this video discussing the strengths and weaknesses of The Barbie Movie actually explains it really really well. Anyways, back to the main point.)
Due to the different gendered social expectations placed on men and women, yes, men are more likely to escalate social conflict to physically fighting each other. But the same way that doesn't mean that there's NO emotionally abusive aspect to men's social punishment for being too different, the fact that women are expected to use emotionally abusive tactics to address social conflict does NOT mean that there is no physically abusive aspect to the ways that autistic women are mistreated.
The same way Laios' inability to hide his autistic traits puts him at risk for both getting the shit beaten out of him AND being lied to for purely social reasons, Falin's coping strategy of being agreeable puts her at risk for being shunned emotionally AND enduring physical harassment.
If Falin had tried to actively & forcefully carve out a place for herself and Laios in the world, dismissal is NOT the worst that could have happened to her. What Falin's childhood experience being subjected to folk rituals by her mother and rejection from the town REALLY shows us is that, if Falin was TOO unnacceptable to the people around her it would have become someone else's responsibility to "fix" or "cure" her. Her parents', or a doctor's, or a betrothed.
I'll try to find it later, but in one of the bonus comics where we learn more about the Touden sibs' relationships to their parents, one of the things we learn is that their mother tried to "treat" Falin's magical abilities using a variety of ineffective folk cures. Their mother felt pressured to do this by the townspeople's very negative response to Falin's magical abilities, which along with their father seeking advice from a Gnome, proves that the threat against Falin was not completely in Laios' head.
Falin says she saw this as quality time with her mother, but...I mean, girls with unhealthy relationships to their bodies often see childhood dieting and clothes shopping with their mothers as quality time, even if that "quality time" instilled in them a deep-seated belief that they should mistreat their bodies and view themselves as objects to be consumed. Just because Falin thinks of it as quality time now does NOT mean that there was no damage done.
In a world where her social and fiscal autonomy are already highly limited, Falin's physical autonomy is threatened by her neurodivergence, just in a more roundabout way than Laios' is.
#syd writes an essay#but Im no gender expert im just. some fucking guywoman.#asks#dunmeshi discussion#dunmeshi
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STRANGER THINGS SEXUALITY HEADCANONS BECAUSE ITS MY GOOD RIGHT 🗣️🗣️🗣️ + YAPPING!
I am so tired rn. I'm having a German exam on Friday and my ass is sitting here writing down shit for yall because WDYM I ACTUALLY HAVE PPL READING MY SHIT? TYSM FOR THAT BTW 🫶🫶🫶 THIS WILL ALSO BE A SHIT TON OF YAPPING BTW!
~~☆
Mike: Okay, so I guess atp we all know that this guy is just a closeted Homosexual. He tries so hard to hide the fact he's gay, he's failing miserably. And he is VERY confused by his feelings thorwards Will.
Will: Openly gay. I don't have to say anything else. We all know he is yearning for Mike. We all know he always had been.
Lucas: Bi. As a preteen he was kind of simping for a random basketball player. Later in life he realized that might've been a little more than just that.
Dustin: Straight Ally to bi-curious. He is pretty sure he is into girls but he prolly wouldn't say no to trying. ALSO CAN WE PLS APPRECIATE HIS AND SUZIES RELATIONSHIP? Bros live SO FAR away and try EVERYTHING to communicate with each other.
Eleven: I am actually SO TORN. I am 100% she is Asexual. Kissing, cuddling, holding hands, being cheesy is a 100% yes for her. But anything more is gross. Also I am a Lesbian El truther. Cuz Lesbian and Gay pairings are ALWAYS fun (Syd and Stan IANOWT). But also just because I personally think that she was just so incredibly attached to Mike, she didn't even rlly knew what love even means. Mike was the first boy her age she got to know. Ofc she had to be with him. Now the hard part. I am unsure wether Aromantic or Demiromantic El. I do belive in independent partnered El. BUT ELMAX. God they got me going FERAL. Either way she's on the spectrum!
Max: 100% Bi too. I love Lumax and Elmax, both is PERFECT. Max never thought about her sexuality much. She fell for Lucas, realized girls where cute too and just vibed with it. She and Robin probably had a talk about that when Robin outs herself. And they are very casual about it!
Suzie: Straight Ally! The sweetest and kindest soul. She will listen to everyone's pains and relationship struggles, sit there akwardly and then yap to cheer them up. She is probably bad with comforting. (Actually I just realized as I'm writing this that Autism makes sense for her! And now I'm HAPPY about that.)
Nancy: Bi panic in person. Her relationship with Steve was merely to fuck around (haha literally.) and be rebellious. Her relationship with Jonathan wad more and really serious. But you are on my blog and therefore you KNOW what I'm gonna scream for. RONANCE. After sorting things out with Jonathan, they both decided to part. She was akward around Steve but only because she started falling for his bestie. And god she loves Robin sm. She was so afraid of getting attached but SUPRISE SUPRISE. She did.
Jonathan: Straight Ally(???) I actually never thought much about him even tho from season 1-3 he was one of my ultimate favs. He just decided to be single for some time after Nancy and him broke up and he's happy about it. He goes back to California (after thinking about it for a long time because he wanted to be there for Will. But after Byler sorted it out he could leave peacefully.) Anyways, he and Argyle just keep vibin, he gets a photography job and maybe eventually after a break another girl.
Argyle: Pan. Oh GOD I LOVE HIM. I just know he and Jonathan did things when they were high. (Jonathan actually told Nancy and apologized like 500 times but she didn't mind a lot). He hooks up with random at times. Not in a bad way. He is a mindful person and makes sure everything is safe and protected. He has a few girlfriends from time to time. Some boyfriends here and there. Just happy to be there! He just wants someone who doesn't care about him being a stoner.
Steve: Bi panic in person #2. This man was convinced he was straight until he met Robin. She talked to much about herself that Steve probably realized at some point that guys are actually kind of hot. And some of his 'idols' where maybe small crushes. I am not OBSESSED with Steddie. But I don't hate them. I don't really care about them. But Steve will be happy, doesn't matter if a girl or guy!
Robin: Canon Lesbian. God I love the way she found out in rebel Robin. And over the time, when she grows closer with all of the party she eventually gets less closed up and pretty loose with the topic of her being a Lesbian. The second person she outed herself to was Nancy (under tears and sobs because she's so in love with her.) And then strangely enough Mike because she noticed the akward pining for Will and decided to talk some sense into him. Her first real crush and gay awakening was Tammy, which is canon. She liked Vicky in a way. It was a complicated in between after she met Nancy. But since she was with Jonathan, she tried to get rid off her thoughts with focusing on Vicky, But as the upside down got worse and she spend much more time with Nancy she was convinced she wanted her more. And luckily these feelings where mutual. Also rip Robin, you would love Chapell Roan and Billie Eillish.
Eddie: I think we all are convinced that he is gay. He cared about Chrissy but didn't know her close enough. He always liked boys and was okay with it. He immediately knew what Robin is and was honestly just vibing. He had a girlfriend (which made him realize he likes boys) and a secret boyfriend before. And once the party is so comfortable and Robin outed herself to all of them he followed to make her feel less akward which leads into everyone outing themselves. Because fruity people attract fruity people.
Vicky: I honestly don't know enough about her atp. I think she's Bi. Or maybe a little confused about all this esp when she met Robin? I like Rovicky. Not more than Ronance, but it's cute and I honestly only want Robin to be happy ):
Joyce: Straight Ally but like the biggest in history. She kissed Karen before (cuz I say so.) She always knew that Will was gay because of the way he interacted with Mike. She is so gentle and careful about it. Educating herself, asking questions if confortable. She just wants to protect. That's why she is also do incredibly nice to Robin, because she knew her parents won't give her unconditional love so someone has to.
Hopper: Straight Ally but very confused about everything. He doesn't get the whole lgbtq thing. But as soon as Will officially outed himself, Hopper made such an effort into educating himself to not say anything wrong. And when El outed herself he spit out a very smart sounding scientific definition and El giggled.
Murray: Gayest character in this show. Bro is like gayer than Will atp. He wanted Alexei. He loved him and sobbed for months straight. Thats it. A miserable sad gay man.
Special Guest: KAREN!!: I am very deep in this fandom since August 2023. ADHD does fun things and made me read too many things. And from all these times on Ao3, Tumblr, Pinterest or the part in Rebel Robin where Robin realized that everyone is just trying to fit into society and be perfect in a way, I've been growing VERY fond of the closeted Lesbian Karen headcanons. She liked girls so much, she know she did. And she decided to not embrace it or even try to. She just adapted into that sad tradwife life and decided to make everyone satisfied. She was very happy when Nancy brought home Robin and Mike brought Will. She is so proud of her children expressing themselves unlike her. Also how tf did she pick Ted? The laziest, stupidest and most gross mf ever???
So uhhh- Robin is projecting... If you have anything you want to see from me. If you want moodboards, drabbles, OS, headcanons or whatever, PLEASE REQUEST THEM. I'm so desperate. I do all Finn Wolfhard and Maya Hawke fandoms cuz that's my thing >:)
#stranger things#ronance#robin buckley#nancy wheeler#lesbian#will Byers#mike wheeler#eleven hopper#eleven jane hopper#max mayfield#lucas sinclair#dustin henderson#suzie stranger things#jonathan byers#steve harrington#argyle#joyce byers#jim hopper#el hopper#Murray#Karen wheeler#Byler#Jopper#Lumax#Elmax#Jancy#Murray x Alexei#Robin x Nancy#gay#I love gay ppl
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Earth “ponies” go first! MASSIVE autism dump comin’ atcha live
TW: ableism , grief , parental death (just in case the tags failed)
This is more so for me but I still wanted to share 🫶
Sandstone (Pinkie):
- b i g puppy energy
- Built for work but prefers to play
- Has crystal pony genes but depression makes them subdued. Can only go full crystal mode in a moment of pure and raw jubilation.
- after constantly being told who she’s supposed to be, they rejected the idea of labels entirely
- no labels for gender or sexuality means loving Pinkie does not impact your sexuality score!
- (intersex is not about gender but biological sex. That being said many intersex people use intergender as their gender as it relates to their experience as an intersex person.)
- deals with internalized ableism due to conservative fillyhood environment. Feels bad when they need to ask for help/support. Got herself an unofficial certificate in psychology so he can be his own therapist (it doesn’t work out)
- Parents would totally support the pony version of Autism Speaks just saying. Pinkie’s dad thinks neurodivergency is curable with hard work and the right attitude whilst her mom mourns the loss of her son after the diagnosis.
- ADHD makes xeir rejection sensitivity off the charts
- Internal battery runs on the company of others so can’t ever live alone.
- Had problems with food insecurity
- Relies on sugar as a steady supply of dopamine
- Can have moments of poor motor control. Clumsy
- Eyesight is bad but doesn’t wear glasses. Afraid that ponies will start thinking he is smart and they will expect even more from him. (In human world she wears contacts)
- Feels embarrassed being high support needs and just wants to be treated like everybody else. Hates when xer parents call her “special”
- Also hates being infantilized but is not confident in their decision making
- Xe is a sensory seeker unlike the rest of their family who are all sensory avoiders. Sisters compromise and try to meet his needs. Pinkie in turn tries to be mindful of their touch aversion but finds it hard sometimes. “Everypony’s just so scoop-able!”
- Trained Gummy to “stay”. Is very proud of his emotional support gator
Applejack:
- Is incredibly strong for her size
- feels like she has to constantly prove herself worthy of taking over the farm. Has gotten into arguments with Big Mac about overexerting herself
- Is a hinny (donkey mom and stallion dad) (ofc hinnies are supposed to have tails more like horse but I love the lion tail on AJ so 💁♀️) (I said mule in ALT text because most people don’t know what a hinny is)
- Because of this, she is more calm under pressure and thinks more logically
- has major depression from grief and ptsd (duh)
- Isn’t used to being in a stress free environment so she creates the stress
- Likes running the apple stand but certain families trigger her
- Obsessed with anything from the past generation. A time when her parents were young and happy
- Can be a bit insensitive to other’s problems and wants them to “put on their big girl pants” like she had to.
- Feels like she has to fill in the roles her parents used to do. Especially so Applebloom and Granny don’t have to stress over as many things.
- Was in the process of cutting her mane when she remembered that AB liked to braid it so she stopped half way.
- Is the mom of the friend group. Makes sure everyone’s needs are met before tending to her own. (Which is bad btw)
- Has problems with insomnia but getting better.
- Struggles with OCD and will repeat unnecessary tasks if she believes it will help protect her family
- Has an emotional support dog named Winona who also reminds AJ to take breaks 🐕🦺
- Sees no point in getting her chronic pain checked out. Will hopefully change her mind in the future. Wears leg braces to ease the soreness.
- Got diagnosed later on. Grief masked her autistic traits.
- Also has a hard time asking for help but has gotten better after she found out that Applebloom has been internalizing that mindset. She must lead by example
- Stick around long enough and she’ll happily invite you over with a hot cup of cider 🍺
- (Other people tend to fall in love while getting to know someone. Demiromantics however need to get to know the person first and then develop romantic feelings later)
- Thought she wasn’t capable of developing crushes until she got to know Coloratura.
#tw ableism#tw parent death#tw grief#mlp applejack#applejack#mlp pinkie pie#pinkie pie#mlp fim#mlp g4#mlp headcanons#demiromantic#intersex#I’m not sure if I should add these or not but I did give small explanations for each one#mlp friendship is magic#mlp fan art#mlp fanart#mlp redesign#mlp#so many tags#actually autistic#autistic adult
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Get to know me!
Hello, my name is Ivy! I decided to do a get to know me thing so here we go.
Pronouns: She/They/He
Queer. Mostly into girls, somewhere ace and I don’t care all that much about pronouns.
I'm a minor. Be normal please.
Type one diabetic.
Autism and ADHD with a side of anxiety and depression (maybe ocd too idk). Self diagnosed and HEAVILY researched. Believe me I did months of research before I allowed myself to use the words and I spoke to my therapist so don’t come for me. I am just simply not able to get official diagnosis right now but I’m going to as soon as I move out (hopefully)
Jewish ✡️ and Canadian 🇨🇦
Don’t interact with me if you are sexist, homophobic, transphobic, antisemitic, ableist, racist, a pedophile or any other shit like that. I will block you.
My newsies strike name is Fidget!
♋️🦀 and INFJ
I vent a lot on here btw. Gotta do it somewhere.
My special interests:
NEWSIES (mainly that's what I post about)
Disney
Broadway and musicals- the one's I've seen live are Hamilton, Wicked, & Juliet, Lion King, Frozen, Hadestown, Little shop, Six, Aladdin, New York New York, Anastasia, RENT, The Devil Wear Prada musical, Mamma Mia, Without You (which is Anthony Rapp’s solo show), New York New York, Water for Elephants and The Outsiders. (and a few others but I was too young to remember.) The musicals I've seen online are Newsies (duh), Dear Evan Hansen, Heathers, The Prom, West Side Story, If/Then, Lempicka, Falsettos, Great Gatsby, Bandstand, Waitress, Legally Blonde, Bonnie and Clyde, 21 Chump Street, Ordinary Days, The Last 5 Years, In the Heights, the Mean Girls movie musical (the actual musical is next on my list) and Tick... Tick... Boom!
I also love The Violet Hour, In the Light, In Pieces, and Warriors (these are all musical concept albums you should go listen to)
Julie and the Phantoms
Music! But only the very specific artists that I like. Some that I love include Age of Madness (Jeremy Jordan's band), Laura Osnes, Ben Platt, Sara Bareilles, Idina Menzel, All Time Low, Olivia Rodrigo, Chappell Roan, Eden Espinosa, Christy Altomare, RØRY, Disney, Shoshana Bean, Negative 25, musicals, really anything sung by Jeremy Jordan (or other broadway stars I like but that's a whole other list)
Currently hyper fixated on Newsies, warriors concept album and Supergirl!!!
Other things I like include:
Plants
Stars
Axolotls
Octopuses
Fun facts
My marble collection
Tangled the Series
Supergirl tv show (the one with Jeremy Jordan)
Hazbin Hotel
Helluva Boss
My tumblr moots
Arts and crafts
Fan fiction
Stuffed animals
Music
Singing
Dancing
Acting
Find me on ao3 @ javidiscannon99! Please go read my Newsies fic.
Matching profile pics with @ya-what--ya-erster
Ask me about my ✨special interests✨
Please send me questions, and feel free to DM me I’m always up to chat as I love making new friends on here (fair warning I’m a little awkward and struggle with social cues lol)
Cheers!
Ivy
(here’s the link to my ask game!)
#newsies#broadway#musicals#disney#hellaverse#ask me anything#get to know me#bandstand musical#theatre kid#ivys ask game!
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hi rem, remember me? I'm the anon who asked about what type of stuff to do in the early 2000s! I'm back to share a success story!
long ask ahead
short 'backstory' for those who might be in a similar situation as I was: I used to be in a very difficult situation. I've been bullied for quite literally no reason ever since kindergarten and had no friends because of that. I stayed inside, rotting in my room while all other people my age lived their teen years to the fullest. later on, I was diagnosed with autism and came out as trans which made the bullying even worse. another problem was that I had only one year of school left and already signed a job contract with a company that I didn't even wanna work at. I just felt so lost and like I'm not made to live like this
how I did it: I randomly discovered this post and it pretty much changed my whole perspective on the void. I already knew that the void was just a meditative state but I never quite… realized it? like I'd say that yet still treat the void as this magical place that manifests instantly. I also 'forced' myself to not stop until I actually entered the void, no matter how long it would take (tho I didn't actively affirm that it'd take long). I just laid down, set the intention to tap into the void and occasionally affirm 'i am', that's all.
stuff I manifested:
changing the year to 2005 (fyi, I manifested taking my phone with me just to write this
revising my age from 16 to 14
revising my birth year from 2006 to 1991 (since that'd make me 14 in 2005
a 'time loop' // I'm gonna elaborate on that one since it's a bit confusing. I saw this on another anon ask a while ago and found it so cool! basically, I manifested that the year is 2005 permanently. like every new years eve, the date will just change to 2005 again. ages also don't change even tho people celebrate their birthdays. nobody dies/ages and nobody is born. this also feels natural and not like some weird sci-fi movie plot lmao (kinda like in pokemon where this mf ash has been 10 for 25 years
immortality for everyone (goes hand in hand with the time loop)
living in the city
living with my brother
new friends (manifested an exact friend group from my fav manga)
just my entire ideal life
my exact ideal appearance
my ideal name
revised being amab
being better at dealing with my autism (i didn't manifest it away, that just felt wrong to me)
and so much more but I can't remember…
fun fact for anyone who's still reading: my fav character from my fav manga started out being my df, then became my db, then my ideal voice, then I stole their name and their birth date, then their family members, friends, etc. and at last their literal life, like I literally self inserted myself into the manga as them. btw, it's also set in 2005, can you guess which manga it is?
thanks for reading!
STOP THAT IS SO EXCITING!!!! you're making me wanna go back to 2005 so bad!!! did u manifest your fav music still existing in 2005 bc i'd miss it so much
im so proud of u 🥺 i wish u nothing but happiness!!! <3 enjoy your new life, you deserve it!!!
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