#this is what happens when I leave every other social media platform that I usually use for vents/spirals/shit posting | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

copperbadge · 1 year ago

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Well, Still Salty.

I was cranky yesterday and I thought a good night's sleep would provide some adjustment in perspective, but unfortunately "spending yesterday not on tumblr" also offered perspective and got there first.

Up front: feel free to comment or reblog on this post (replies may be heavily delayed) but if you feel the urge to Like, I'm going to ask you to take one more step and go to https://www.tumblr.com/support, select "feedback" as the category, and enter a line or two about the new dash. It can be as simple as "Your new dash design is difficult to use and is driving people off the site". I'm not asking everyone to do it, but if you're going to Like this post, that would be a helpful action in addition. You can delete any response they send; no reason to expose yourself to the unique combination of incompetence and condescension with which they handle feedback generally.

Also up front: yeah, if I find somewhere else to go and go there, I will certainly let you guys know beforehand, I'm not going to just evaporate. I'll be broadcasting about Tumblr's replacement on Tumblr very heavily. But I can't deny that it is now an active goal of mine to find a viable replacement for this site. (More on this in a moment.) You will always be able to find me on AO3 as copperbadge, or via [email protected]. (More on this in a moment also.)

This kind of thing is why I refuse to fuck with staff now or ever; I don't trust them and I never will. Watching @wip respond to almost every complaint or suggestion with "but that would be really hard" is telling. Whoever is pushing blocks around at Tumblr wants a lucrative site that's easy to code, but lucrative is hostile to community and code is difficult by nature, and when the architecture of the meeting hall is hostile and cheap, people don't stick around.

I've been watching the site as every change made it incrementally worse, from a buggy post window that doesn't allow ease of editing to the new dash (which is the reason I'm writing this in a text window off Tumblr). I genuinely do not think I can use desktop Tumblr like this unless I can install something that will put it back the way it was, and roughly 40% of the content you guys get HAS to come through desktop. It's impossible to do on a phone or so time-consuming it's not worth it. I cannot code Radio Free Monday on a phone; it's a struggle to code it on a single-monitor laptop (I usually write it on my work computer, where I have two monitors). Even writing image IDs on the phone is difficult and something I rarely do. Tumblr is becoming an actively difficult place for me to make content, introducing friction left and right.

But where does one go? I've tried other platforms and they're either worse to use or they don't have the constituency. The problem with a lot of discourse around internet addiction is that it often points out how glued people are to their phones without asking what it is they're doing on those phones. I'm not addicted to social media; I don't doomscroll, I don't care what celebrities have to say, I don't find 140 characters useful or interesting, I don’t find most “funny” videos very interesting. I create a lot of original content for public consumption, significantly more than many social media users, and if that becomes difficult, then the site suffers more than I do. But it's undeniable that social media, and this social media in specific, is where my people are, and yeah, I like seeing you all every day. It makes it difficult to leave even when Tumblr is the best of a bad set of options.

It seems like a lot of the internet, lately, is the best of a bad set of options.

All that said, Tumblr forced a sudden, unwanted, and unchangeable reskin on me a day after I listened to a two-hour podcast about addiction while working on building a newsletter system for my author site. I spent the evening before this happened in contemplation of my relationship to social media and to my readership and how I might alter it to my benefit regardless of whether that's also to Tumblr's detriment. Their poor timing, I suppose. A lot of the theories advanced on the podcast were, to put it kindly, bunk, but one of the suggestions for people questioning their relationship to an activity was a dopamine fast -- removing something in your life that gives you quick but unsustained dopamine hits, so that you can take some time to level out and examine your behaviors. On the one hand, that's not at all how dopamine works; from the jump it's a bad theory. But on the other, pulling back from something you think may be causing you difficulty is generally speaking a good tactic.

Removing myself from Tumblr yesterday was an active process: because I have ADHD and often will forget something exists if I don't systematize my engagement with it, Tumblr is normally pinned to my browser, with the app on my phone's top screen. Removing the app and closing the window meant that while I occasionally reached for Tumblr, it was less frequently than I expected, and the lack of access reminded me why I wasn't there. I missed you guys, but I didn't miss getting distracted from work by my dash, or the pressure to respond to the volume of communication I receive through the site daily. I don't think my use of tumblr as my sole social media has been unhealthy, per se, but certainly yesterday felt both quieter and calmer after I walked away.

But that's a temporary relief, because you are my community, and not only do I not want to leave my community, it's a resource for me. One of the reasons I do things like Radio Free Monday and the weekly Hug on Saturdays is that I try to make sure that resource is reciprocal. Leadership involves service. Leaving would be easy in the short term, but in the long term, leaving my community without having another place to meet it, or another community to go to, would be harmful to both of us. I'm already someone who isolates, and while I have a strong brickspace circle of friends, they fulfill sometimes different needs.

Though I do appreciate the wild vote of confidence from the comments to my last post telling me people would come with me where I went. That means a lot to me. I will attempt to make it either unnecessary or as painless as possible. Just know, I see your faith and friendship and I appreciate it.

Sometimes at my old job I'd be in very tumultuous meetings where a lot was discussed and not much agreed on, and the most useful thing to me was always to say, "What are our next steps? What would you like me to do because of this meeting?" So what are next steps, all this being the case?

First, I'm going to be off Tumblr, mostly, for another couple of days, because clearly I need the break and a few days won't matter too much. Again, I will be back either to continue on the site or to let you guys know, at length and volume, where I'm headed. The former is much more likely.

Second, I'm going to be actively looking for both a widget I can install to reset the dash (recommendations welcome, I currently don't even use xkit) and a wholly new platform that's a realistically viable alternative. Even if the dash gets reset, the shitty post editor is here for good. Attempts to source alternative platforms in the past have taught me that it needs to have a mobile-friendly site or an app, a similar structure to tumblr, and a reasonable chance of actually attracting users. That's a heavy venn diagram unlikely to be fulfilled anytime soon, but I'm now invested in finding it, instead of just passively waiting for it to happen to me (as Tumblr did when it pulled me off LJ).

Third, I do have an email newsletter in the works! I'm just wrestling currently with setting up how people sign up for it. This wasn't meant to be "my main broadcast platform"; it's meant to be a once-monthly email to share book news, targeted at people who aren't on socials or who just really love content from me, I guess. :D The plan was for me to assure Tumblr users that it was not extra content, just select content repackaged into a digest. But it will be one way to ensure that if I'm moving around outside of Tumblr, you'll know about it. I hope to have a link to a signup page soon. (I'm....dealing with some code issues.)

Fourth, I'm going to be combing through the last ten years I've spent here and pulling anything I think is of value into an archive. For now everything will remain here as well, and I'll let you guys know if I think that's going to change, but it's clear that this space is moving only one direction, towards a place I can't exist, and when/if it crumbles I want to have already evacuated what's important.

So there you go. I'll possibly be posting sporadically (the Saturday Hugs are queued six months in advance so that'll happen) but if nothing else and if not sooner, I'll be back full-time next week starting with Radio Free Monday. I appreciate your patience and your kindness in the meantime!

#tumblr #social media

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vanmarkus · 7 months ago

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You can ignore this if you want to but since you're also a bucktommy and buddie shipper I felt that I could share this with you.

Do you know the meme of Thanos and Gamora from Avengers Infinity war? The one that says:

-did you do it?

-Yes

-what did it cost?

-Everything.

That's how it will feel if buddie goes canon in the future. Yes, buddie has happened but for it to come canon other things happened like:

Creator, writers, and producers being bullied

Actors that played love interests being bullied

Oliver and Ryan being bullied and criticized

Other cast members being bullied

Leaving hate comments on every single media platform

Sending death threats

Bullying other fans (including multishippers)

And I'm pretty sure I'm forgetting some stuff

Having watched the show since s2 and shipping buddie since then, i have to say that if they become canon, I will be happy but it will definitely be bittersweet giving everything that has happened. I will for sure stay away from here because I know that the amount of posts making fun of others will be unstoppable.

Sorry for coming to your inbox with this, as I said, you can ignore it. I guess I just needed to vent or share this with someone. Sorry!

ngl I considered ignoring this but I thought I just say this one thing:

all those things have happened and more. and if buddie goes canon those things will stay with it, yes. but if it doesn't go canon? those things will stay with us still.

shitty behaviour is unfortunately a part of any fandom and the bigger it gets, the more it happens. this fandom has a specific issue when it comes to women in general, but especially love interests, which now include a man(/men potentially).

these people are loud, hateful, annoying and they can sour anyone's fandom experience, including the people working on the show.

there will always be push back from the other fans though and after the usual flare ups (big storylines, certain interviews, etc) most people become tired of entertaining these brainless dickheads and they get blocked and muted by so many people that they lose what little power they had in the first place and possibly end up leaving the fandom because they're no longer getting the response they are looking for.

and for the people who love spreading their misery:

harassing other fans, creators, crew, actors, etc. will never be okay. idgaf if you think someone else's opinions are stupid, or the ship you like isn't canon and others dare to like the canon ship or vica versa, you do not go and send death threats to them, nor do you leave hateful comments and an assortment of threats under social media posts of those people or other fans or official accounts.

and I'm sorry to say, but I'm a 100% serious: if you can't handle a multimillion dollar TV show not doing exactly what you — a single person amongst the millions watching — want, without a meltdown and online bullying and harrassment... unless you're literally a child, that is a major, major developmental and socialisation issue and it requires professional help.

#this stain will stay with us no matter what happens #as it has been staying since probably s2 #clearly oliver bringing it up specifically didn't hit home in these people's brain either so...#buddie #911 #911 abc #ask #anon

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wejustvibing · 1 year ago

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thank you for the response. no hate or anything but i think talking about these things is what gets us somewhere! i defo do think think this is something that we will all never agree on and that’s fine but hope that we can continue to have conversations around it

just to pick up on the idea that - “celebs don't know half the shit going on in the world. they don't have the education, world view or the time for it and that's the sad reality. it's always a losing cause waiting for celebs to come through” - i think this is a very privileged and ignorant stance to have. there is no one stopping you from seeking out the knowledge, open a book, watch a video, do a google search. if we as people, in the context of palestine as this is what we are talking about, are having to wade through this biased media narrative and fight for what we believe to be right then celebs have the same access if not more, to educate themselves. that should not absolve them of responsibility.

@copsehamilton on twt/x said the following which i think best words what i believe a lot of people are trying to say about lewis’ stance - “I promise you guys, you can be a Lewis fan & have conversations as his fans about how he uses his platform. We all come from different backgrounds & our lived experiences are different. For those of us who have lived and breathed the Palestinian liberation, language matters”

this is especially what i was trying to say when talking about the stance that celebs are taking. wording matters because unfortunately celebs do have more reach than us and right now palestinians are fighting not just the settler colony but the rest of the western world - their appreciation when someone posts shadowing light on their situation means more than anything to them, they are begging for people to share their stories because that’s how social change happens. while i say this please do not think that this absolves western nations, humanitarian organisations from their responsibilities, but imagine if a celeb was to post that no humanitarian aid is getting in to gaza through the rafah crossing - it would reach a target audience that perhaps could not be reached by regular people who are sharing & posting, or by politicians etc.

i don’t know, i don’t want to clog your inbox so will just leave it there, but i am glad these conversations are being had

honestly i'm frustrated reading some bullshit takes these celebs have been sharing the past few days. outright support for the colonizer and their lies. onesided foul cries, i've seen them. it's disgusting and needs to be called out. they're loud and wrong out of whatever influence, ignorance or privilege they have.

i mean privilege is literally synonymous with most celebs isn't it? so that tracks. and that's what i'm saying. they're privileged as fuck. for someone so out of touch to start educating themselves they first need to even clock there's something wrong somewhere. that they're probably on the wrong side of history. you feel me? and we're expecting these people to pick up a book and influence others then it's over before it can even start.

lewis is privileged in many senses too but one thing he's not allowed is ever taking a step wrong. we see that every day. and i'm not victimizing him, it's just a fact. he's decided to champion social and political causes and he's actively trying to educate himself and do better in these spaces. and he does from time to time but it's always nitpicked to hell with always losing focus from the actual cause. same happened with this one. first it was his silence that was harmful and now it's his neutrality that is harmful. so like business as usual with the moving goalposts.

and let's not forget, if you're his follower you know where he stands. so what has changed?

yes, language matters. but it's also important to know where the discourse has gone. the nuance is lost. he simply said let's have peace and let's not kill children. what's wrong with that? what's wrong with being on the side of innocent lives? how did that turn into oh look he's promoting genocide? he shared links for funds of the orgs working in the region, he legit amplified them to his 35m followers like everyone wants him to, he's still getting hated on. how's he getting called worse person than that racist piket spawn?

imo at the end of the day this is misplaced anger. we're all feeling helpless for Palestine. we can see how the world's moving. we want more voices in their corner. which is valid and so is the disappointment. but there's global superpowers supporting is*ael and vetoing ceasefire so let's ask this one guy who mind you wants ceasefire, to change the world's direction? how is that even an option? seems to me he's just an easy target for frustrations and pain everyone is feeling atp (both are valid btw) but how's that fair to him?

and yeah, you're probably right. we might never agree on this. but same. no hate at all. these are terrible times and i do want to learn more too.

#anonymous

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bereft-of-frogs · 2 years ago

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Ok I have deleted the tiktok. This has been an interesting year long anthropological study of the tiktok. My findings (written so as to make it scientific):

- my forecast was mostly correct but happening at a much faster pace than I predicted. I expect we’ll have fully cycled through again by the end of January

- it is seriously addictive. I already feel myself instinctively going to click on it, nope it’s gone. I don’t want to know how much time I’ve wasted on it this year.

- i could also literally feel it shortening my attention span. I do not need to break my brain any further, I really need it to slow down

- speaking of breaking my brain, the sheer amount of untagged, out of nowhere, casual suicidal ideation I really do not think was healthy for me 😬

- also the sounds would get ‘stuck in my head’ like songs, which can’t be anything good. Like with vine sure if something sparked the memory yeah, I’d think of the vine. Like if you saw a ‘road work ahead’ you’d be like ‘yeah I sure hope it does’. But even from the start I found myself getting stuck in loops. I couldn’t watch it in bed because the sounds would get stuck in my head and keep me up. That…seems bad.

- there is some content I will miss but also I think I’m ok getting that content through YouTube compilations or two weeks later on Instagram reels

- piling on, aka why I quit in November: look even if the OP is objectively wrong or annoying does not mean we need every single person to chime in to dunk on them. You have just given OP a much bigger platform than they had originally. And even if I were sympathetic to the cause originally, now than I’ve seen it a hundred times, I’m annoyed.

- so many stolen posts. So many. Verbatim tumblr posts. At least when other social media sites steal posts they usually leave in the credit, or at least the format shows it’s from another site, tiktok users just read posts like a script and act like they came up with it all by themselves, what is with that

Anyway, goodbye tiktok, now I have to spend 2023 fixing my brain, thanks for the memories

#tales from tiktok #no more!#im serious this time this was a fun year but I can’t take the takes anymore #and I think some of the content was starting to fuck me up (aka all the casual suicidal ideation 🙃)

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pumpkinstep · 1 year ago

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absolutely this! It’s not just the devalue of the quality of content on the internet and the culture that surrounds it that has been manipulated by market freaks trying to milk profit out of what was otherwise a niche and tight knit landscape for micro communities. I think everyone has noticed by now how difficult it is to find Any information on the internet these days, how pushed out real well learned groups are and how forums of all kinds have been washed off the search results due to corporate adware pushing. Things really are worse than they used to be now than they ever have been. If you think your search results are worse and you only find products being pushed or Sponsored articles instead of off shoot websites made by some guy and their buddies, its because that really is what’s happening. I’ve done a lot of searching around to try to find out the cause and, the most part and possibly unsurprisingly, the main sources of info and most vocal posts about this topic was found on reddit. Social media is no longer small pockets to hang out with your friends and talk about dumb shit, (that is, i am willingly leaving out the hardcore drama and crimes that came along with the untamed net back in the day,), it’s now this monolith city full of strangers trying to make money the same way the bigwigs were when the canvas was new and fresh. Of course there can be a lot said about how social media has fundementally altered how we treat each other and how mind-blowingly maddening it is to have every good and evil in the world beamed into your brain faster than you can process it but more or less i’ll ignore that too since it is a byproduct/symptom of the larger monopolization, or the cashing in/to profit off, of loneliness bred from corporate greed and the desire to isolate the public. source, observation of mmo gaming culture over the years, chat rooms taking form of video games, and the noticeable increase of programs/online spaces or products or things geared towards getting lonely people to pay for a service that will take advantage of them more than really help. I’m also aware of the age old practice of grifting and scams, lies and misinfo that have increased in practice as access to reach more people in shorter amounts of time. human’s havent really changed fundamentally in my opinion. weh i got sidetracked but it’s kind of a complicated intertwined mess when it comes to the debasement of online culture and the push and pull of wanting to be the most special and popular/wanting to be seen and have a community, and the agenda of money makers. Which i guess loops us back to search results. From what i’ve seen, almost every major search engine is giving false result, or hits, numbers for searches and many of the pages will loop endlessly back on itself to give the impression of “new” results. <- this i’ve seen a lot personally. I use bing, and i’ve seen many posters talking about running into this problem when trying to search things up. It looks like this is intentional, only feeding you information you’re guaranteed to click on and spend time on, do it’s job and say, i found exactly what you wanted, without giving you unbiased results. a lot of it has to do with search algos changing to combat misinfo and another big chunk is gaining a comfortable and solid ad rev stream through paid for links. This half is entirely tied to your search history and the kind of things you look up on every platform. Read something on a certain website? linger a bit too long on a paragraph about a certain topic? Talk to your buddies about something with your phone in your pocket or your smart home device nearby? You’ll be finding that ads will change to match the topic. It doesn’t matter if it was just a passing interest, you’ll now be sold ideas adjacent to your collective searches and results. Personally, it makes it very difficult to find new information, to break out of what you usually search and find things like new music, art, plays, oddball research and opinion pieces on things you typically dont think about but wanted to know what other people thought cause it sounded interesting. I suspect the over monotization of the internet as it is now will lead to a middle ground between the dark web and the normal surface level stuff, this sort of untouched exclusive bubble where things float in a gray area. From the looks of things, you can find this sort of thing in websites like reddit and 4chan, at least it looks that way. I’m not from either website so take what i say with a grain of salt, it’s just based on surface level observation.

i think you could argue tumblr already fits a bit into the gray area, not neatly but sort of semi. anyway, i have a lot of thoughts and feelings on the shittification of the internet. This tedtalk is sponsored by me, some guy who grew up with early 2000′s internet culture

#ask me about planned obsolescence and right to repair

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norisbeinghuman · 10 months ago

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Happiness isn't found on social media

We live in the age of social media. So much of our interactions, information sharing, news acquiring and entertainment happens there. Yet many of us have a somewhat (or very) mixed relationship with them. And rightly so. When you think about it, it is the strangest thing. We go there to see things we (mostly) didn’t choose ourselves, served to us in small bite-sized bits: – an interesting fact! – a sad story :( – an update from a “friend” you haven’t talked to in 12 years – a funny video! – a scary thing you should look out for!!! – Before you get the time to digest one, you move onto the next. Over and over again. Scroll, scroll, scroll. There are so many good things social media have given us, and I love them for that. But today, I am once again choosing to take a break from them, because of all the bad things they do to my brain.

All the world’s woes

Admittedly, I am not very good at knowing myself. It often takes me 24+ hours to figure out how I feel about things. Today, I had a bad day. I have been feeling exhausted, fragile, weepy, upset by the smallest things. Every little disruption to my day would leave me feeling off-balance for way longer than it warranted. Why? Well, that’s the most annoying thing. I had no idea. No idea whatsoever. I knew something was wrong, but didn’t know what. (In such cases I usually assume it’s me that is wrong, which, understandably, doesn’t help much.) It took the better part of the day, but eventually, I figured it out (with ample help from people who love me). As usual, it’s not just one thing, but today, the biggest one was over-saturation of difficult things I have been watching and reading.

Never in the history of humanity did people have the ability to know so much, to such detail, about events happening on the other side of the world. And, sadly, it’s so much more common to hear about the terrible events happening on the other side of the world, rather than the happy ones. I understand that. These things are important. Raising awareness is important. But let’s be honest, what can I do about these events that are so much bigger than me? What can I do about wars and genocides, about discrimination, about corporate greed, about large-scale pollution, about species loss, about babies dying, about suffering, about scientific fraud, about famines, about about about?

Don’t get me wrong, there are always things that can be done, and there are a lot of people doing them, but no one person could take on all of it. So the thing I end up doing about these terrible things most of the time is, simply, feel sad and helpless. And that doesn’t help anyone at all.

When do I get the time to process this?

In a true Nori-fashion, I haven’t been quite aware how much these things were affecting me. When I would get a few minutes of time when nothing was happening, or I felt like I needed a distraction, I would reach for the little box and scroll and scroll and scroll. And at some point I would realise that in the background, I had a thought. Or maybe a feeling. I would be thinking: oh, that was interesting, should learn more about that; but I didn’t remember what that was. Or I would feel a bit sad or upset, sort of in the back of my mind; but I didn’t remember what about. And more often than not, I would think and feel several things at the same times. Sometimes I would even scroll back, trying to identify what it was that stayed with me. There was rarely only one thing.

There is so much good content on social media, with so many people putting in a lot of effort to deliver an important, concise message, or to provide entertainment for a moment. They know they don’t have more than a few seconds of our attention, because we are about to scroll on and never see their post again, so they pack it as full as it gets. Every bite now carries the calories of a three-course dinner. That is the actual design of these platforms. A new topic every second or two.

I don’t know how about you, but I am often left with a mix of impressions, ideas, thoughts and feelings, fighting for my attention, fuzzy in my mind, yet following me around relentlessly.

What is more, most of us go to these platforms in the small bits of time when what we are seeking is a mental break. A little breathing room for the mind. If I am honest with myself, I definitely do not come back from them with a clear head.

Why am I scrolling?

Why am I there though?

I think the answer, as usual, is complex. I genuinely like and appreciate a lot of the content I run into, both from people I chose to follow and from people that the algorithm decided to show me. And that is the main reason I am there. But of course, there is a lot of content that I get served that I do not care for much, or even actively dislike. Stumbling upon a good post feels like winning (a small) lottery. And “good”, in this case, doesn’t just mean something that fits my interests. It means something that resonates with me right now, that I feel in the mood for right now.

It’s definitely a little dopamine hit.

But there, right behind the edge, could lie another gem. Something that might be even more interesting/entertaining/surprising/funny/eye-opening. Maybe, maybe not. The pull of it is magnetic, and sometimes I scroll before I had the time to finish reading the previous “gem”.

How naive of me, though, to not consider that all of these, the hits and the misses both, affect me? That maybe I shouldn’t be exposing my brain to that much unrelated, varied information whenever I get an idle minute? And for what? Finding something interesting or funny or cool or useful and not even giving myself the time to process it properly? For spending my time and energy on things I will hardly remember five minutes later?

Who/what decides what we see?

In the old days of social media, you knew what you would get. Mostly. You followed people because you wanted to see what they were posting, and expected to be shown exactly that. Nowadays, that is usually not the case. Most platforms offer a mix of things you did ask for, along with a bunch of posts you didn’t ask for. Usually ads. Or sponsored content, as they call it nowadays.

Everyone nowadays knows that the end users of social media aren’t their customers. The true customers are the advertisers, we – you and me – the end users – are the product that the platforms are serving them.

But it actually went even further. While advertisers might be the paying customers, that doesn’t mean they are being treated well. Quite the opposite, they are being asked to pay more and more just to have their content delivered to people who have already signed up to see that content. The goal is not to make a good product for the end users, not even for the advertisers, it’s to maximise the profit for the shareholders.

How are they getting away with it? They got us all trapped. Our friends are there, the people we want to hear from are there, our pictures and memories are there, and in the case of the advertisers, their customers are there. And the platforms ride the thin line of serving us as many ads as possible without actually driving us away; and extracting as much money from the advertisers and publishers as possible without them giving up on the platform. Cory Doctorow calls this process “enshittification” (what a wonderful name, isn’t it?) and talks about it, and more, both on his blog pluralistic.net and in his book The Internet Con. Very much recommended.

Nobody likes ads, but that is the main way that social media platforms make money. In order to keep us there, and show us those ads, they need to offer something engaging. The trouble is, engaging doesn’t necessarily mean positive, or true for that matter.

As humans, we are wired to notice things that are wrong, dangerous, or scary. It makes sense from a survival point of view – to pay extra attention to whatever could harm us. But in many cases nowadays the danger is very far away, highly unlikely, exaggerated, or even imaginary. We still get upset and angry about it just the same. And it gets our attention, our reactions, comments and likes and replies. It makes us look, which is what the platforms want, but it doesn’t make us happy.

Social media have been facilitating polarisation in societies all over the world. I am not going to go as far as to say that they did it themselves, because I don’t think they ever thought about that. I think it’s a side effect of algorithms that are trying to maximise time spent on the platform. Nothing draws people more in than feeling like a part of a group and having a them to blame all the problems on.

Social media are echo chambers, where we get to hear what we want to hear, often the things that make our blood boil and enrage us. Because we are on the right side, and they are obviously not. The truth is, there is no they. There are just people.

Being intentional

Now that I (finally) realised that these small, innocent-looking bits of the world are using up a lot of my mental space and affecting how I feel, I decide to be much more intentional about them.

I think it’s time that, when I get a moment of time I feel the need to fill out, I might as well fill it out with something I actively decided to engage with. Something that is made to keep my attention for more than a quick glance. Or maybe, just maybe, spend some time with my own thoughts. An actual moment to clear my mind.

I am not quitting social media. There is too much there that I value for me to quit. But I do not need to engage with them multiple times a day. Not even every day, really. Probably not even every week. Social media are great for finding interesting things, but real learning and understanding requires a bit more time, and a bit more attention. And entertainment deserves that kind of space too! I will try to prioritise longer form writings and videos. There are plenty amazing books, audiobooks, long videos, comprehensive blog posts and podcasts that cover all the topics under the sun.

And I have recently even rediscovered RSS feeds! They still exist! My website has one too, BTW. Just saying. Or you can sign up for the newsletter.

I think it’s time we started to protect our attention and our mental energy, whether it is getting drained by social media or anything else.

Originally published on https://noriparelius.com/post/happiness-not-on-social-media/

#being human #social media #enshittification #content #happiness

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therandomavenger · 11 months ago

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5 Lessons I Learned the Hard Way

The end of the year always makes me reflective, as you can probably tell from my last few posts. Today the subject came up on a podcast: what truths did you learn the hard way? Which made me think about that issue for myself. I’ve learned most things the hard way. I think that’s just part of life for nearly everyone, and these five things are probably not revelatory to most people, but they were to me. Some of them are recent, some of them are lessons I keep being taught over and over.

So here they are, Five Lessons I Learned the Hard Way.

1. Most Relationships are Situational

This was a tough one, fam, and I keep learning it over and over. While there are people who are in our lives for the long haul, most of our relationships are products of the situations in which we find ourselves. Most people learn this in their 20’s, when they lose track of the people they once felt so close to in high school. I’ve had several people I worked with, who became what I thought were my best friends. And it’s not that they weren’t. The relationships were real, and close, but in almost every case, once I left that job, those people and I slowly drifted out of each other’s lives. We were no longer in daily contact, and also as our circumstances changed, we changed as people. No one did anything wrong here. This is regretful, yes, but it’s natural, and there’s nothing wrong with you or with your friends if this keeps happening to you. I’ve had several ‘ride or die besties’ that I am no longer in any kind of contact with. And it sucks. It hurts. But it’s just reality. Most of our relationships, no matter how deep they may feel at the time, are maintained as a matter of our circumstances. It’s possible that they might become forever friendships, but that takes some very hard work, and usually doesn’t happen, despite all parties’ best intentions.

I was very close to the people I grew up with, especially my aunts and uncles and cousins. I am in close contact with very few of those people now. We exchange texts a couple of times a year if that. I still love them, but we are not close. Most of that is because I moved across the country. Some of it is because I came out of the closet and that was a bridge too far for several of them (their loss). The path behind me is littered with people I thought I’d be close to forever. But it didn’t turn out to be true. And you know what? That’s okay.

There are people who I’ve stayed close to. My best friend from high school, Jennie, and I have lost contact for a while at times, but we maintain close contact today because it was important to both of us. We share the details of our lives, and our struggles, and we’re there for each other, even though we live 2000 miles apart. She was the first person I came out to, in 2019.

Social media has complicated this, a little, and fooled people into thinking they’re still close when they really aren’t. Once you leave a situation, you probably still follow all of those friends on social media. That’s not a bad thing. It’s a way to stay in contact. Social media relationships are real relationships, but they are not the same thing as day-to-day friendships. People you only interact with on social media are not in the trenches with you, sharing in your daily struggles. A lot of people give up on maintaining friendships, thinking they’re ok because they interact with hundreds of people on social media. And it’s not the same thing. Especially the way things work these days, with platforms mainly showing you ads instead of the people you are following. You might go weeks without seeing posts from a friend and not even realize it.

This makes real friendships precious, and worth maintaining. I recently left a job where I’d met my current bff, whom I used to work three shifts a week with. But we are maintaining our connection by hanging out weekly, and still playing D&D together. I’m not losing track of him, nor he of me. He’s going to be the best man in my wedding. Both of us are making an effort, and I am very grateful for that.

So, most relationships are situational. There’s a cycle to friendships, and even family relationships. That is not a bad thing. If you remain open, as you enter new situations you will make new friends, not to replace the old ones, but to help fill the void.

2. If You Stand on a Hill, People Will Throw Rocks at You.

This is a lesson that I learned this week, when I had my first experience of a social media post going somewhat viral (a very loose definition of viral, anyway). I posted a take I knew some people would find somewhat controversial, but I didn’t couch it in absolute terms, and I stand by what I said. A lot of people agreed with me. But more people than I expected showed up to tell me what a horrible person I was, an obvious corporate shill, and many questioned both my intelligence (fair) and my parentage (rude).

Now, my neurodivergence comes with a side order of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria, which makes even the slightest bit of criticism feel like I’m taking a dagger to the heart. I had a lot of big feelings, seeing all of this. I had the impulse to delete the post and block all of the negative commenters. What I soon realized, though, was that most of the angry rude people were responding to their own issues, not anything I’d actually said. They’d taken my fairly innocuous statement, and filled in a lot of space around it, putting words in my mouth. Their reaction was more about them than it was about me. Reading comprehension is not great with the online crowd sometimes. So, as painful as it felt at first to see these comments, it was very good for me to go through this. It was kind of like exposure therapy for RSD.

But I’m not just talking about social media. Any time you put yourself out there, whether it’s releasing creative work or taking a leadership position or even just walking down the street feeling confident, people will show up to tear you down. It’s just human nature. If you publish a book, someone is going to 1-star it. You cannot do your work well enough to avoid this. If you sing the national anthem at a football game, some people are going to critique how you sounded. It’s the nature of the beast. The first search result on google for popular books is probably a post stating ‘Why does [Name of Book] suck so bad!’ It’s a badge of honor, because you’re in the arena, taking swings, not sitting on the sideline yelling insults at the people actually fighting.

You can deal with this in various ways. You can engage with the haters, and try to change their minds, but the risk is high that you will come off looking like an asshole who can’t take criticism. That way lies madness, so tread carefully. The best strategy is probably just to let people have their reactions and not to respond to them. (Unless people are spreading vicious harmful untruths about the work or threatening you, and even in that case you probably shouldn’t engage personally).

So, getting criticism is just proof that you are working. Take your licks gracefully and scream into a pillow later. Rick Rubin says, of creative work, ‘If Everyone Likes it, you’re not pushing far enough.’

3. You are not your work, but your work won’t happen without you.

I’m not talking about your day job here, unless you also consider it your life’s work, and if that’s true, I’m happy for you. But even work that we are personally invested in cannot be our entire identity. You cannot define your worth as a person based on how successful you are at it. You are a valid person if you don’t do anything besides eat your breakfast and read a book on any given day. I myself struggle with this. I defined myself almost exclusively by my productivity for a couple of years, which led to a pretty major breakdown in November of 2022. These days, I feel good about my productivity, but I don’t put pressure on myself about it. I schedule my time in ways that provide my personal needs as well as my professional needs. Two hours of writing, yes, but also a couple of hours to read and/or catch up on TV shows with my fiancé. A daily hike. This is a harder task for some people than others.

That said, your work is still important, so it’s okay to feel good about doing it, and make it a priority. You do have to schedule some time for it, eventually. Just realize that nothing is worth burning yourself out for. This is where my weekly schedule has saved me. I know when my work hours are and how much I can expect to accomplish during that time. So, I don’t get frustrated doing other things when it’s time for them. Also, I purposefully do not over-schedule myself, so I can get sleep and rest and just hanging out time.

I guess what I’m saying is set these goals for yourself in a way that works for you, and don’t compare yourself to what other people are doing. That can be instructive sometimes, and give you ideas, but they don’t have your life. If you can only write 500 words a couple of times a week, that’s fine. There are professional writers who work at that pace. Don’t try to keep up with someone who has a different set of circumstances. I can be highly productive because I don’t have kids at home or a day job, and I have a partner who is an equal participant in taking care of our dogs and home. If you don’t have that, you’re not a failure for not meeting some arbitrary goal.

You are not your work, but your work is important. Both things can be true. It is a matter of balance, as many things are.

4. Your Needs are Valid, but it is not anyone else’s job to meet them

This is a tough one. And phrased this way, it also kind of sounds mean? But I don’t mean it that way. What it means is that you have some basic needs as a person. We all do. Some of them are shared between us, and some of us are individual to ourselves. Needs are value-neutral. If you need more time and attention from other people, there’s nothing wrong with you. If you are a person who needs a lot of alone time, that’s fine. You’re not a bad person for needing your solitude. It is everyone’s job to unpack what their personal needs are and find healthy ways to make sure they are met.

That said, it is no one else’s job to meet your needs. Not your partner’s, not your parents’ (beyond the responsibility of providing basic physical and emotional necessities for dependent children). The people in your life can help you, but you’re responsible for getting your needs met. If you need affection from your partner, you can ask for that and meet that need in healthy ways. Brianna Weist says that other people can’t meet our needs anyway. We meet them ourselves. Finding someone to love us just gives us permission to love ourselves, and that is how that need is met. I’m not sure that is true, exactly, but it’s something to think about.

One of my most annoying habits is a constant need for validation. It’s like I’m still that 8-year-old who had an idea everyone was ignoring. This means I’m constantly asking for approval from my partner and other people, sharing ideas, and work, and projects, and wanting to be validated. Also, shitposting on social media (is there a Shitposter’s Anonymous? I think I may need to go to a meeting). Sometimes this works, but sometimes it doesn’t. But what I’ve realized, through a lot of reflection and a lot of therapy, is that this is a need I am capable of meeting myself. It’s healthier, even. I can reason things through and tell myself I’m doing a good job, or that I wrote an effective piece, or said something clever. I do not need validation from others. I’m not a parked car.

That’s not to say I shouldn’t seek out feedback, but that is a different thing.

So, yeah, other people can help you, but you are responsible for meeting your own needs. This sounds harsh, but it is true.

5. There is no destination. It’s journeys all the way down.

This one. Wow. I’ve had the thought, in different stages of my life, that ‘When I finally [insert thing here] everything will finally be okay. For a while it was ‘when I can write full time,’ then, ‘when I finally publish a book.’ It’s also been at various times, ‘When I can get out of this marriage,’ and ‘when I can finally come out of the closet,’ then ‘when I finally am in a relationship.’ Right now, it’s ‘when we get this house purchased,’ and ‘when I am done with school,’ and ‘when we get married.’ It’s never ending. There’s always something we’re waiting for, something that will make everything right. But it doesn’t work. At every stage, there’s a new set of challenges. That doesn’t mean things don’t get better, and that some stages aren’t more comfortable than others, but there’s no real place of ‘I made it!’

Every goal achieved launches you on a new journey, with its own set of obstacles. Finding a relationship means you have to do the work of maintaining it. Getting your dream job means finding ways to be successful in that role. Publishing a book means having to market it so people will find it (and writing the next one). There is no end point beyond which everything feels like it’s going to be perfect.

You can find safety and comfort and success. But those things are not an end result, they are a byproduct of your journey. You must always do the work on maintaining them. If you’re thinking, ‘when I finally get there,” I have some news for you. There’s no There. When you meet your current goals, you might feel okay for a day or so, then a new set of challenges will present themselves and you’ll be, once more, at the beginning of a long upward path. This is okay. This is how it’s supposed to work. This is how we keep changing and growing until we reach the end of our lives, and who knows what kind of a journey death is. Maybe this will just keep going for eternity. I kind of hope it does.

And that’s five things I learned the hard way. Some of this might seem obvious to you, but I wanted to share in case you yourself are still struggling with some of them. I find a lot of hope in these realizations. Everything is a process, and there are always good things around the corner.

#blog post #life lessons #mental health

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marsixm · 1 year ago

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so not to no true scotsman here but as someone who watches/listens to a Lot of true crime content but also is appalled by the 'true crime brain' phenomenon like im really wondering how radically different the true crime content can be out there, or is it the viewers mentality, or is it a combination of things. a lot of the true crime stuff i listen to is victim focused, but not conspiratorial. like mostly just recounting the basic facts of cases, usually older or solved ones. basically like the home made youtube successors to forensic files (which ive also seen basically every episode of) i know Certain Podcasts and tiktoks about current events apparently are fucked up? i did stop watching a particular youtube channel when it started leaning into "oooo spooky personality disorders" commentary out of nowhere in every case. im just like. is a lot of this driven by the way shit gets whipped up on social media + the current conservative conspiracy panic over "trafficking" or like i wonder how much true crime shit out there really is just saying all this shit and encouraging this behavior.

theres no point to this post im just reflecting on something thats causing such a huge social issue right now but is so weirdly not reflective of my experience of the thing.

i also wonder if its because i already sowed my conspiracy brain oats with fictional shit like tjlc so now i dont have the bandwidth for that anymore????

honestly a lot of this is just fucking me up right now too after seeing a bunch of people read the tea leaves of an obviously mentally unwell persons twitter acct and me reading this "evidence" in total confusion while these people whip each other up into a frenzy because 'how dare you not take these accustions seriously' when i think in reality mental health advocacy has focused so hard on anxiety and burnout and depression that people DONT know how to handle things like psychosis or delusions or anything at all when presented with it and theyll call anyone questioning if that is whats happening a monster and like. theres people in the comments of this, thinking its 100% real, ON THE SIDE of the person who might be delusional, saying "this is just like an episode of YOU!" "this is like a movie!" so i wonder how much of it is about /true/ crime at all???

like people have already gotten hurt, some are questioning if people reaffirming this persons delusions helped drive them to suicide, there are people who have been accused of murder based on literally nothing in the past couple years- personally i hate acting like something is 'tiktoks fault' bc it usually comes down to a social model much of the internet and large platforms fall into, it just so happens tiktok is very very very good at fueling that- but yeah tiktok definitely isnt helping this kind of telephone game of culture we have going on with conspiracies

anyway yeah this post is just rambling but like. seriously what the fuck is going on with the rest of true crime content out there

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lolliesinthewind · 3 years ago

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Behind Closed Doors

ambiguous character x black!reader

Content Warnings: Intimidation, Non-con, Forced Orgasm(s), Dumbification, Oral Sex (m. and fem. receiving), Slapping, Unprotected Sex, and Underage Sex. Mentions of bullying

i fucked around with this one

minors read this shit

(A/N: Please don't romanticize this. This is only for funsies and none of this is real.)

(A/N: 🐺🐺 = smut part.)

First Person POV:

Fear.

Fear is something I've always felt. It’s something that I am at this point ever since he came to my school.

It was the start of 7th grade when he came to my school, at first he didn't notice me and hung around the 'popular' kids. A lot of the girls in my class had a crush and at one point I did too but my crush on him quickly disappeared when I saw him slap one of my classmates in the hallway at lunch. He saw me in that hallway and he has been tormenting me since then.

At first, it was nothing I couldn't deal with like purposely bumping into me, stealing my pencils, and shutting my Chromebook. But then it escalated in 8th grade, he started to trip me on the concrete in front of the school, talk about me to his friends, and pull on my hair. In 9th grade it got worse, he'd talk to my friends and got them to leave me alone, he'd spread rumors about me, and he somehow found my social media and began cyber bullying me.

It’s now 11th grade and he has bullied me for the past five years. My depression and anxiety have become a permanent part of me. I've since deactivated my socials, I've also begun binge eating to deal with my depression, and started to wear oversized clothing to cover myself so no one can comment about my weight but they still do.

When I woke up this morning it was a normal day for me, I got up, took a shower, did my skincare routine, did my hair, and got dressed for school. Looking at my form in the mirror I was pleased despite his words I still thought of myself as beautiful. The long flowy black skirt looked great on me with the black long-sleeved shirt I wore under my oversized white and gray band tee. Slipping on my black platforms, I grabbed my backpack and went out the door.

As soon as I walked into the school I heard whispers, they never really bothered me but I just wished they talked about something else other than me. Slipping on my earphones I blasted music to block them out. Avoiding HIM was something that I was good at; taking the stairs on the far ends of the school, being the first out of class and the last one in, walking faster than half of the track team, and delving myself into the background.

For the most part, it worked, I found comfort in the fact that he wasn't around me and degrading me on every little thing that shouldn't matter to him. But today I couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible was going to happen. The back of my head tingles throughout the day and somehow I could never shake the feeling.

At lunch I went to the bathroom on the far end of the school, usually, nobody went there. It was my safe space. Sitting in the handicap stall I was eating the lunch I prepared when I heard someone come into the restroom. They went in and out of a stall then I heard someone else come in, and soon I heard what I think was crying then mumbles as a stall door opened. I stayed quiet and still, till I heard what was two people having sex. Slowly getting up and grabbing my stuff I walked as quietly as I can out of that restroom.

Finally, inside the hallway, I took a deep breath, "Them niggas are nasty, in a restroom, especially at a school one” I thought in disgust as I shook my head. Walking up the hallway I was sad that my hiding spot was compromised because some two McNasties wanted to have sex. Checking the time it was already time for 5th hour. " You know what, Ima just mind my business and go about my day," I said to myself and that’s what I did.

I went about my day, doing my usual routine of avoiding him. It worked and I haven't seen him at all today except when I'm in class. The school was finally over and I was almost out the front doors when I remembered I had a club after school, turning around I sped walked to the club room. Opening the door I walked in, the lights were off and nobody was there. Checking my school email just in case, the teacher said there was no club today. Groaning I turned around again and fought the air in frustration, shuffling towards the door I opened but was pushed back inside.

Stumbling back into a table I looked at who pushed me, it was him. My eyes widen as I saw him shut the door and lock it, I snapped my head away from him and looked at the floor, I was frozen in fear as many thoughts went through my head like what does he want with me, I didn't do anything to provoke him I think, or what did I do? Hearing his footsteps coming towards me I saw his bright white Air Force 1s in my peripheral vision. I felt his breath on my left ear, immediately squeezing my eyes shut to try and block him out.

"You think you can avoid me, huh?" He whispered into my ear, still frozen in fear I couldn't move.

"Answer. Me." He harshly whispered again. Shaking my head no, the sound of my hair beads clacking together filled my ears.

"Why have you been avoiding me?" He said normally but this time it was filled with more venom than the last other times and slightly deeper. Stumbling over my words I couldn't make a coherent sentence.

"Since you can't talk properly, I'll talk for you, I think you're avoiding me because you have a crush on me." I could hear the smile on him when he said that. My eyes widened even more as I turned to look at him.

“No I don't, who said that?" I stuttered out nervously laughing at the end. Finally noticing how close we were, I took a step back bumping into a chair, I looked down at my leg looking right back up as I heard his laugh. Slowly moving around the table putting some distance between us.

"Me, I think you do, you let me do whatever I want to you and you never say a thing about. Like a doll." He said leaning over the table.

"Well I don't, so please leave me alone," I told him, putting a little base in my voice, my eyes flickering between him and the door. Noticing my eye movements he jumped over the table as I ran across the room around the other tables. As I got close to the door I felt his hands grab the side of my head and slam me into the hard wall. Feeling dazed as my ears rang, he pulled my hair making me look up at him.

🐺🐺"If you stayed right where you were this would've been better for you, I would've been nicer but now I don't want to." He said, shaking my head and then letting it go. Still looking up at him I just sat there in utter terror as I watched him unbuckle his belt and open his pants. The tears that filled my eyes were now falling down my face. Even though I didn't want to touch him ever, I knew that if I didn't comply he would get violent and I wouldn't be able to win that fight.

Squeezing my eyes close, I heard the rustling of clothes and soon felt his hand pull on my braids hard. "Open your fucking eyes." He said while tugging on my braids again. As a quiet sob racked through my body, I couldn't bring myself to do what he said.

"Open.Them." He commanded pulling my braids again but this time he got a small squeak from me. Trembling I opened my eyes, my sight blurred by my tears but still, I saw him holding his dick in my face, and by just looking at I sobbed harder. Looking up at his face I could see him smile then bite his lip as he nudged my lips with his tip like he was saying 'open up’.

Taking a deep breath shakily I opened my mouth slowly as I did he thrust hard into my mouth. My eyes widen I gripped his thighs to push him back but he instead placed his hands on the sides of my head and proceeds to fuck himself into my mouth. With every thrust I could feel him touching the back of my throat I was disgusted by him.

Moans filled the air as he fucked my mouth for what it felt like forever, "Fucking hell," he grumbled as I felt his dick throb. Pulling his dick back slightly he thrust himself deeply making me gag as I slapped his thighs so I could breathe. Looking up I saw him hunched over with his eyes closed tight and that’s when he finally came. Ropes of his cum filled my mouth, even more, he opened his eyes and we made contact. He chuckled at that.

Softly slapping my face he pulled out of me shuffling back, "That felt good, I might have to do that with you some more, how about that huh?" He said, smiling down at me.

"Are you done, can I leave?" My voice rasped taking in deep breaths as my tears dried up.

Shaking his head no with furrowed eyebrows, "You thought we were done with this, I have a great opportunity to do what I've always wanted to do, plus I haven't even gotten started." Chuckling as he said that.

'I want to kill him, I want him to die but if I don't comply I can get seriously hurt. Even though I probably weigh more than him, he's stronger than me by a long shot and curse him for being in football. Just go along and this will be over soon.' I thought while clenching my fist, I felt his eyes on me as I stared straight into the wall.

"Stand up," he commanded again. My eyes snapped to him then to the ground, I leaned onto the wall pulling myself up from the floor, grabbing my arm he dragged me over to the table I bumped into earlier, pushing me to lie back on the table. Standing in between my legs he began to rub my sides, staring at the ceiling, my body trembling as he pulled my shirt up over my push-up bra. Leaning down he started to kiss his way up my pudgy stomach to my breast, grasping my tit in his hand he took it out of the bra and began sucking on it, harshly.

Gasping at his touch I gripped the sides of the table to solidify myself, using his hands he put them under my skirt grabbing the back of my thighs pushing them onto the table and scrunching my skirt up around my waist.

"Raise your hips," I did as he said as I squeezed my eyes shut to prepare myself for what to come next. He ripped my panties, making me swallow a small sob, I tried to hold in my tears.

Wet. That is what I felt. Snapping my eyes back open I sat up and looked down to see him sitting down in a chair with his hands holding my thighs open.

"What are you doing?" I stuttered out.

Raising an eyebrow he said "I'm prepping you, you thought I was gonna go in all ruthless and shit? I'm mean but not that mean baby. Now lie down and enjoy."

"Wait, wait, hold on-" my words turned into moans as he sucked on my clit, I hunched over grabbing his hair with one hand and leaning on the other one. My moans grew louder as he licked the inside of my cunt. Moving one of his hands over my soft stomach to my breast he grasped my tit, rolling my nipple in between his finger pulling on it when he felt like it.

Still tongue fucking I felt his thumb rub 8's on my clit making my back arch and moan even louder. Feeling pleasure like this course through my body was very very good but I remembered it was him doing this too, so I tried to stifle my sounds. My breath grew heavy as I felt an orgasm coming.

Trying to hold in my orgasm I began to let out small no's. I guess by hearing my words he started to go faster with his movements adding even more pressure to the coil that was turning inside of me. My efforts to hold in my orgasm were all for nothing. Feeling a wave of pleasure wash over me, I came harshly letting out a semi-quiet squeal as I did.

Coming down from my orgasm I thought that was all and he was going to take me but I was wrong, so so wrong. He didn't stop even after I started to hit his head. I tried to pull him away from in between but he never budged. Continuing even after my 2nd orgasm, I was overstimulated and sensitive as tears filled my eyes once again because of that.

After the 3rd one he finally pulled away from in between my legs, standing up he looked at my heaving form and smiled.

"You taste so good baby, I wonder what you feel like on the inside, hmm?" He said while the hand that was rubbing my clit was now circling my hole slowly and his other hand moved from my tit to the table so he could lean on it. Leaning down even more he began kissing and sucking on my neck leaving hickeys in his wake.

Sinking his finger into me, it hurt less than I thought it would. As my cunt adjusted to his finger it was long and rough. Moving in and out slowly going fast, he lifted his head from my neck and peered into my eyes, his face emotionless. It was unsettling, to say the least. My moans grow loud with curse words slipping out every once in a while.

Adding another in me, he started to spread his fingers while keeping the same pace, making me hiss from the burn. Suddenly he stopped and began to do slow strokes, curling his finger while doing so, hitting a spot that made my hips buck and also made my eyes roll back as I let out a very loud moan. My overstimulated body couldn't handle and I came holding his wrist to try and stop but he instead rubbed my clit then slapped as I squirted.

Sobering up I saw him sitting back in the chair stroking himself with one hand watching my puffy cunt. " Ima fuck you now." He said gruffly, now on his feet, he pulled me to the end of the table and sat me up. My eyes widened once again at his words, my body quivering. I took a breath and leaned my head on his shoulder, clutching onto his grey jacket. Even though I was sobbing on the inside, it had to happen so I leave as fast as I could.

"You'll be fine, I got you. It will feel good baby." He whispered, grabbing my ankle and putting it on his shoulder, the position made my hip burn. Widening his stance he pulled me closer to him. One handheld the back of my neck and the other held his dick that was in between my pussy lips rubbing it up and down.

I could feel his hot breath on my neck as he slipped inside of me. I thought there was going to be more pain but I guess him playing with my pussy helped him. The more he went in the fuller I felt and when he was fully in I could feel my pussy struggling to take him, I felt so full. Breathing harder my eyes blurred and I couldn't clench around him.

" Fuck you're so tight baby, it seems like you can't take dick either." He groaned out, chuckling after. Grabbing my other ankle he put it on his other shoulder, now with my ankles on each shoulder. He picked me up by my ass pulling me against him. Scared of being dropped I wrapped my arms around his neck on instinct and I squeaked because I could feel his tip pressing flush against my cervix making my eyes cross.

"There we go, right -fuck- you feel so good, I'ma start movin' right now." He cooed, his voice strained. Not wanting to say a word to him I just dug my head into his shoulder wanting this to be done. Lifting me, our breaths hitched together, dropping me back down, a sigh left my mouth and a moan left him. He did the same thing as me and put his head on my shoulder.

Repeating his movements, his moans grew louder and my sighs turned into moans. His tip hitting my cervix with every drop, I couldn't comprehend what was going on, his words sounding muffled as I focused on the pleasure and nothing else. One particular drop made my back arch and a high-pitched whine came out of me.

Stopping he whispered in my ear, "So that’s where your soft spot is." Restarting, he moved faster this time and began thrusting harder as well, making my head trickle into a lust-filled haze.

The sound of squelching and skin slapping filled the air mixing in with our moans. It would've been a beautiful sound if it wasn't with him. His grip would surely leave bruises I thought as I leaned my head back with tears streaming down my face. Heat covered my entire body.

“I’ma cum -shit-.” I stammered out. Pulling out right before I can, he stumbled to a table against the wall. He set my feet down on the ground and turned me around, bending me over he put his hand on my back to keep me in place. Sliding his dick back into me making me whimper out, he took his hand off my back and grabbed my arms with both hands. Starting with a deep thrust he began to pound himself into me. I was gasping for air because of his thrust and I couldn't take anymore and came for the nth time with a low groan. The sound of skin slapping together became louder.

Stars spotted my vision as I came down from my high. The edge of the table digging into my stomach was the only I felt beside him, there were no more tears for me to cry as my mind became a mess of jumbled words just like my mouth. The only words that came out of were too much as I kept coming and he didn't not once. He hadn't said a word, only making noises. It felt I was with an animal instead of a man. Neither was better than the other.

As my knees buckled he wrapped an arm around my waist and shoulder leaving mine to fall to my sides. His thrust started to get sloppier than they had been. Slowing down he took a step back, pulling me down with him as he fell to his knees. Hunching himself over me, he repeated his pace from before.

" 'I'm gonna come baby." He said breathily, nuzzling his head into my neck as he clumsily moved down my body to rub my clit. Feeling another one coming I began to sob as I knew I couldn't take anymore. Stuttered no's leaving my drool-covered lips, slowing down he took one more thrust and pulled out coming on my ass. A low groan left him as he did and I came with what I had left. Sleepiness covered my entire being, I tried to stay awake but I wasn't strong enough and I passed out.

Opening my eyes I couldn't see much as my eyes adjusted to the dark, becoming more aware of my surroundings I realized I was in my room and I was in different clothing too. Sitting up I reached for my lamp and turned it out, looking around my room nothing was out of place. It was dark outside and I was in the nightgown I wore last night with my bonnet on my head. Reaching for my phone on the nightstand and the time said 3:13.

"It was a nightmare. Thank god." I said out loud. Grabbing a half drank water I chugged the rest of it before falling back to sleep. Not noticing the grey jacket that was on the end of my bed or the figure that sat in my chair in the corner.

I wished I did.

#tw noncon #tw dumbification #dacryphilia cw #cunalingus #bullying #black!reader #bad end #chubby reader

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unforth · 3 years ago

Text

What I think a lot of antis misunderstand about the message of someone like me - as someone outspokenly pro-ship and pro-kink is...

Everyone is within their right to want to protect themselves from content that makes them uncomfortable! If you're a minor, and you don't want adults to interact with you? That's a reasonable boundary to set! Boundaries, in general, are usually healthy, appropriate, and even necessary (not always, of course, but most of the time!). Heck, I am pro-basically-everything, but I still set boundaries, and there's lots of content I support the existence of without ever having any desire to interact with myself. Like. Ever. EVER. You do you but I'll be over here, having nothing to do with it, thanks. I'm anti-censorship, and pro-fiction-is-fiction, period.

So, when people like me roll our eyes and go, "God, why are all these people making ridiculous DNIs? Don't they know how pointless this is?" we're not saying "Don't set boundaries."

You absolutely should set boundaries, for your mental health, comfort, and protection.

We're saying - okay, well, maybe I shouldn't speak for everyone - but, I'm saying, "why are people who only feel comfortable within such narrow boundaries on a website like Tumblr?"

This is the fucking anti-boundaries website! It has reblogging functions you CAN'T TURN OFF. The instant your post leaves your blog? You lose all control over it! Even if you delete the original, you can NEVER get rid of those reblogs! So if you don't want certain types of people interacting with you? Short of hard-wiring that information into the very nature of the post (like, as an enormous watermark that covers your entire piece of artwork) you will never, on Tumblr, be able to set your boundaries, enforce those boundaries, and have them respected.

It's impossible, and it's not because everyone on Tumblr is selfish, or mean, or disrespecting you personally. It has absolutely nothing to do with you! The vast majority of Tumblr users see something they like - and like it for any of a million or more different reasons - and then reblog it without every considering the existence of the original poster beyond MAYBE noticing their username at the top of the post.

They won't check your DNI.

They won't know your squicks.

They won't remember your triggers.

Tumblr is not, nor will it ever be, a safe space.

You cannot, and will never be able to, control the behavior of the Tumblr userbase in the interest of protecting your own personal limits.

It is impossible to set and maintain personal boundaries on Tumblr.

People who say, "god, why do people have these DNIs" aren't saying, "you should be comfortable with everything and if you're not how DARE you," we're saying, "there is a fundamental mis-match between your desire to set boundaries, on the one hand, and the social media platform you've chosen, on the other."

There ARE platforms where it's possible to set boundaries. Discord, Pillowfort, Wordpress, even Facebook, have more functionality for any given individual regulating who interacts with created content and how they can interact.

THIS IS NOT THAT PLATFORM.

If you want to be able to strictly police your boundaries, you are in the wrong fucking place. Anything you post on here, could, at any time, wildly escape containment, get taken entirely out of context, end up on the blog of a domme, or a furry, or a parent, or your grandmother, or, or, or.

If you want to have strict control of your content, your blog, and who you interact with?

You should not be on Tumblr.

You are just setting yourself up to get hurt...and then you blame everyone else when it happens, even though the issue is the mis-match caused by your decision to be on a website that is a total free-for all. YOU CHOSE TO BE HERE, and then you get mad...at the people already here...for not conforming to your expectations. That's a YOU problem, not an everyone else problem. It's like you barged into a Pride parade and went, "Wait why are all these queer people here? And why is there a Parade? I'd rather just hang out with my own friends in a much smaller event CALL OF THE PARADE I DON'T LIKE IT." You sound like a child, and an idiot. Congrats, there are clowns at the circus, what a shock! If you didn't want the queers, if you didn't want the clowns, if you didn't want strangers interacting with you, if you wanted to set and maintain boundaries, then you failed the instant you came on Tumblr. Tumblr is not a website designed for this. End of story.

Have safe spaces. Set boundaries. I encourage you. Heck, I beg you. Having places you feel safe and surrounding yourself with people who respect your boundaries is stupidly important, no matter how young or old you are, how vanilla or kink, how anti- or pro-ship. But it cannot be done it here, and the expectation that it CAN is what so often leads people who are actually behaving like bullies to believe themselves to be victims.

So, like, if this describes you? If you want strict boundaries, and to have certain types of people not interact with you?

The best thing you can do is leave Tumblr, and find your communities elsewhere.

I promise, everyone will be happier if you do.

(and before you say, "but all the things I want are also on Tumblr!" it is...so stupidly easy to make a message board, or create a Discord server. I'm not saying don't have fandom spaces that suit you! I'm not saying you don't belong in fandom! On the contrary, PLEASE do things that bring you joy - but do it in a way you're comfortable with! You're entitled! You deserve it! And you will never be able to here! EVER. This is NOT that space, and you and those who feel as you do should create your own. For your OWN safety, first and foremost, because you deserve a space where your boundaries are respected. And you can't here. This website is explicitly designed to prevent bloggers from being able to protect their boundaries! Expecting your boundaries to be expected here is like going to a field of wildflowers and saying, "ONLY queen anne's lace here all other flowers DNI" and being shocked and personally offended when there'sother flowers all over the fucking place. You can't control what flowers are in the field. Tumblr is a field of weeds and they will grow like crazy, everywhere, no matter what you try to do to stop them. Because that's Tumblr's nature. So STOP TRYING. Go somewhere that you CAN prevent that, and tada, you'll be safe!)

#unforth rambles #i saw something that made me salty #and ended up spending 20 minutes writing this instead of doing any of the billion things i should be doing #antis are herbicide in the tumblr wildflower field #if you don't want weeds get out of the meadow #go some place where you actually CAN control the growth #pot a plant #put it by your window #cultivate it and protect it #you'll be happier #and you'll be safer #and so will all the weeds you cut down for absolutely no fucking reason #i'm so tired #ya'll can reblog this is you want #if it leads antis to me then i'll deal #if i'm lucky they'll just block me #if i'm super lucky maybe they'll even fucking listen #and stop expecting rain to be snow #or the wild flowers to stop growing #you came to the circus and shock there are clowns here

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heliosoll · 2 years ago

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Hi, I've seen that you have answered questions about shifting so I was wondering if you could answer mine. As I really don't know where to get answers to shifting related questions.

I have had shifting concent recommended to me on every social media platform and it sounds really tempting, but I am a little scared to try. Because I've had problems with mental health, maladaptive daydreaming, dissociating and getting engaged in all kinds of forms of escapism. I'm very introverted and almost anti social. I struggle in social situations and prefer to "live in my head" to the point were it's really unhealthy (sorry that I am getting into so much detail ':] ).

The point is, that I am scared of the fact that if I do start shifting, I'll get obsessed and will start to think even more about how this world and life isn't enough.

I have heard stories about how shifting could help with all of that instead of making it worse, but I want to hear your opinion on the matter.

Would it be safe for me to shift?

Hi! This is such an interesting topic for me and while I hate to say it, I think this is going to be different for everyone, but I do have some general advice that could help you.

I also had a lot of issues with my mental health, maladaptive daydreaming, and escapism. I didn't deal with dissociation as much but it did happen a few times during a very rough time in my past. For me, shifting absolutely became another bad coping mechanism. I relied on it. I was obsessed with it and how it could completely change my life but was also extremely frustrated with never seeing results. But. I'm not in that kind of mindset anymore, I haven't been for years, and there's a very big reason why.

Now I don't want this to scare you. Usually when people come to me for advice I give a strong "mindset is important but not necessary" kind of vibe. I don't want people to think that they need to work super hard on their shifting mindset/self concept to be able to shift because that's not true. However, when people deal with these kinds of issues, I 100% recommend prioritizing your self concept and shifting self concept more than anything. I know it can be really scary and I want you to take your time with it. Don't go rushing head first into shifting! Take your time learning the basics and what interests you and leave it at that. And then, prioritize your self concept and mindset about shifting. You absolutely can still shift during this time, but if you find yourself getting worried or scared again, allow yourself to take a step back and just chill for a moment.

Here are some things you can do to prioritize your shifting self concept:

Chill. I know that sounds stupid but trust me. Just relax! Shifting isn't a race. You don't need to try every single day and night. You don't need to be thinking about it 24/7. Just relax and go at your own pace. And if you find yourself rushing or getting consumed with it, take a step back and chill.

Take some time, it can be five minutes or three hours - doesn't matter, to work through all of your beliefs about shifting. I would suggest writing them down somewhere to keep track. Just write down everything you currently know about shifting. And then go through that list and figure out which things, if any, are limiting beliefs. And then flip them into something that isn't limiting. It's okay if you don't believe them at first, just tell yourself the new not limiting beliefs.

How do you identify limiting beliefs? Anything that says you "need" to do something to shift, that something is harder than others, that you can't do something, etc would be a limiting belief. For example, if someone were to write "i need a script" for their beliefs, that would be a limiting belief. Why? Because by using the word "need", it implies that you wouldn't be able to shift without a script. And that is a limiting belief because it actively limits how you shift.

Let yourself daydream without feeling guilty. Trust me, I know that sounds counter-intuitive. I'm not saying let your daydreaming interfere with your life. What I am saying though, is that a lot of people give themselves so much shit for how their brain works. You didn't choose this. You didn't choose to deal with these issues. So don't blame yourself or give yourself grief over it. I know it might be hard at first, but if you ever have those kinds of thoughts, do whatever works to send them away. Whether that's ignoring them, flipping them into something positive, or pretending someone else said it, it doesn't really matter. Just do your best to let yourself live naturally without guilt.

Put yourself on the pedestal. Now trust me, I know how fucking hard this can be. But you're gonna be okay. You don't need to believe it at first. You don't need to believe that you're God or that you're super powerful or that shifting is so easy it's beneath you. You don't. However, you need to be able to set up boundaries around shifting so that you don't end up putting shifting on a pedestal instead. It's normal. It's mundane. It's literally as normal and easy as breathing. And that's not an exaggeration.

Let yourself be excited about shifting! I know I said take it easy and don't get overwhelmed, but it's okay to be super excited and happy about the idea of shifting. I'd say most, if not all, shifters go through that. Don't guilt yourself into thinking shifting is too good for you or too good to be true or that you need to grow up or any bullshit that you or someone else could come up with. Shifting is fun! Let it be fun!

Take a step back and reassess if you get frustrated. I know in the moment it's super easy to just be upset and want to give up. Let yourself be upset but take a step back when you do. It's going to be okay. Assess the situation. Say you "tried" to wake up in your DR and you woke up in your CR instead. It's okay. First, failure doesn't exist (get into the mindset that every "failure" was actually just you getting closer). Second, persisting works wonders. I've said before that you can't make mistakes in shifting but if there ever was a mistake, it's shifters looking at "failed" attempts and letting them dictate their future. "Failures" do not change how likely you are to shift in the future. So always take a step back and reassess the situation if you ever find yourself demotivated/upset with your shifting journey.

Don't compare your shifting journey to others! It took me an entire year to shift for the first time. I'm not saying it's gonna take you that long but a big reason why it took me so long was because I would get impatient and feel bad about myself when I saw others shifting first. Again, it's not a race. Always have that mindset that you'll shift no matter what, but don't beat yourself up if you don't. It's not the end of the world. It's not an indication of yourself. It's nothing. Getting into this mindset early on will decrease a lot of potential nervousness around shifting.

This is super long I'm sorry about that but your ask is really important to me and a lot of shifters. There are so many people who get really scared about shifting for these exact reasons (I was one of them!) and I really hope that literally any of this helps you. You got this babe!!

#letters 🎀#shifting #self concept #long post

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shinesurge · 2 years ago

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I don't want to be all "hello random stranger, I think your art is cool please give me advice", but I saw your webtoons post and I'd like to ask where/how you'd recommend putting webcomics on the web? For me and also for my friend who does have a comic on webtoon.

Hi! you're good, I don't mind talking about this at all haha

Before Webtoon got to be a thing the usual procedure for making a comic was to start out posting pages on your social media for a while so you could test the waters before making the jump to a dedicated site. That way you could build up a little bit of a reader base on an existing platform who would be interested enough to make the extra click, maybe start generating some revenue to pay for the real site, but also you got the chance to see if you even want to make comics without dumping too much time and effort into a site. I posted Kidd Commander pages on deviantart (now deleted) and its tumblr blog for about six months before I decided to change over, but to be honest if it's just a hobby or it suits you you can keep doing that forever if you want.

Personally, I think if your comic is important to you (and ESPECIALLY if you're getting income from it) I would strongly suggest making a home for it that you own. Make your own website and funnel people to it from social media. I know that's a tall order for a lot of reasons, but if you really can't do it, Drunk Duck is fairly reliable option that even lets you customize your vanity links and such. It's also not a terrible idea to MIRROR your comic on other sites as long as you have at least one independent place, although the quality of your reader base varies wildly between locations. There's your answer from Me Personally, but I wanna talk about why I'm so adamant about this so people reading this can make more informed decisions maybe.

Hosting and making your own website is always the safest thing you can do for a project. I don't know how well-known this is outside of the webcomics community but an issue we have come up every few years is that The Current Aggregate Site, like tapas or webtoon or even patreon, gets big enough that they decide to throw queer/marginalized voices under the bus for the sake of advertising. The biggest one I recall was Tapastic leaving a lot of queer creators in the lurch because their (then new) rules about smut pinged queer content too, as these rules tend to. If you'd built up your comic's following and community on this website it could all just disappear, you lost your archive and your comic's following and had to start over. Patreon has been tightening its policy on 'indecent media' for years too. Even tumblr, arguably the best social site for hosting a comic rn, is unstable because the site is so glitchy and unstable. I had a friend have to painstakingly rearrange their archive because a tumblr update jumbled all the pages overnight, and that's small compared to getting your blog randomly deleted. Webtoon already DEEPLY disrespects comics as a medium and has no love for small creators, given they make most of their ad money from Scandalous Content I don't know what their Moment will look like but I assure you it'll happen like it does everywhere. There's that saying about how if a service is free then you're the product; if you establish your webcomic in a place you don't own they can take that product away at any time. Along those lines, you're also tied to their ship if it ever goes down.

Webcomics has always been a medium for voices that are unwelcome in the mainstream, and that means we need to be careful about who we throw our lot in with because all these companies WILL sell us out when they get the chance. We cannot rely on them to take care of us. It's incredibly difficult to build a following, and building it in a place that could disappear as rules change over time pivots neatly into a hostage situation. Getting people to visit an independent site is definitely more difficult! But I've always been able to rest much easier whenever these periodic upheavals happen because my community has a place to reconvene and my archive is safe no matter what I post. The quality OF that community is also much higher since everybody is actively choosing to be there, I'm not just borrowing people who happen to be on an unrelated site anyway, and honestly not having to tailor my comic's story around a company's guidelines fucking rules lmao

Webcomics is a bizarre landscape these days and I'm certainly no authority on what every individual should do. Maybe your friend is just posting for fun and webtoon works for them! There's nothing wrong with using tumblr indefinitely if you're comfortable with that! Everyone's different. But if you're serious and want to have the most control over your work, try to own it all the way down. I hope some of this was helpful! Best of luck with your comics!

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tipsydipsydo · 4 years ago

Text

Pairing: tall! & sub! Reader x dom! OT7 BTS

Gender of the Reader: male

Word Count: 2.3k

Rating: 18+

Genre: Smut/PwP

Warnings: Dirty Language + Dirty Talk; Dom-/Sub-Dynamics; accidental overhearing of a phone call, Mentions of Exhibitionism & Voyeurism; Mentions of Sex Toys & Masturbation; slightly mentioned Double Penetration; mentions of Anal play; Praising; Petnames; some Degradation; Daddy-Kink; Teasing; slight Edging; the boys are teasing the poor reader to Death

A/N: Well- that was a quick writing. Instead of studying I decided to write this funny request and to use my procrastination in a better way than scrolling stressed through TikTok. I hope y’all like it!!

Status: unedited bc I am lazy and should study.

Request: i want to request a drabble/one shot: sub taller male reader and his seven boyfriends in which he confidently talks naughty things with his friend on phone but when he realized his bf are watching, he became crazily shy because he is just a big cute boy, then his bf decided they want to test those ‘words’ he has said, poor boy =))

Requested by: anonymous

[Links]:

▪My Writings

▪Blog Navigation

This following story is my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!

I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!

That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.

Thank you.

After too many and super busy weeks full of work, you’ve finally managed to find a free afternoon in your schedule where your best friend and you have enough time for a nice, long telephone call on the couch. You are already over one and a half hour on the phone, exchanging the newest stuff that happened in your life with each other and joking around. Slowly your conversation turns their focus to your more private life and your bestie asks you about your polyamorous relationship with your boyfriends. At first just normal things like, how’s it going in general, how you all manage the relationship with all the different time schedules, how often it comes to fights and how you deal with that etc. Just normal stuff and the ‘typical’ questions you’re already used to, when people realize that you’re not in a monogamous relationship.

Your best friend and you grew up together. You met each other in elementary school, went through the curses of puberty as an inseparable team and even survived middle and high school thanks to the other one. Already in your teens, where both of you made your first experiences and got into your first relationships, your best friend had a guess that you’re not as straight as you want him to believe. No, they even assumed that you’re maybe not made for the typical monogamous relationship which the society preach every fucking day.

Well, turns out that your best friend really knew you better than you did yourself back then but honestly, nowadays you’re thankful for their suggestions and that they gave you the save space you needed to dare to make new experiences in those directions.

Nevertheless, they were still more than surprised when you introduced him to not only two or three boyfriends, no that you brought seven (!) other men to their birthday party two years ago. At first they were a little worried if you didn’t overload yourself with such a complex relationship dynamic and that it’ll turn out as a serious burden and not an enrichment for your life. Turns out, now it was their turn to make a false assumption about what’s the best for you and theu were more than happy to admit that everything turned out just fine. It truly makes their heart swell to hear the happiness in your voice through the phone everything you mention something about the boys.

Quickly your phone call turn into an even more private talk and dedicate itself to the really interesting stuff. You’re sharing every detail in your life with another, so why should it stop when it comes to sex talk? You have absolutely no problem and any shame to talk freely with your best friend about your kinks and dirty thoughts. Sometimes you even think that you’re better informed about each other’s preferences better than your actual partner(s) are.

“I think, I already told you that idea more than once... that I have a thing for exhibitionism and the thought of getting catched doing something ‘forbitten’ or ‘dirty’, right? Uhm... TMI but I don’t give a shit, whenever I am alone at home because they’re busy and we can’t meet for some days... I mastubate with some of the toys they’ve bought for me and imagine that they catch me. You know, when we have sessions with Dom and Sub Dynamics, they’re only temporarily and usually we go back to normal in the moment when the scene is over... that means, when I am alone and horny, I can do whatever I want to. I can jack off or fuck myself as much I desire and they wouldn’t say anything about it. It’s not like, I don’t appreciate my personal freedom when it comes to masturbation or that I want something completely different, no! We both already talked about that too, I don’t like the idea of Total Power Exchange, I prefer to be an independent person as soon as I walk out of the bedroom- okay, not only bedroom, we have sex in other places than the bedroom too- ANYWAY, what I wanted to say with that: ...”, you mutter and take a deep breath into your lungs.

After holding such a long monologue your mouth dried up terribly and now you need quickly something to drink. You get up from the couch and walk over to the kitchen island to pour some soda into a glass. A satisfied hum leaves your throat after you took some gulps of your favourite sparkling sugar bomb.

The whole time, where you moved around in the eat-in kitchen of the apartment, you are not that alone anymore as you thought you’d be, especially right in this moment. Namjoon, Hoseok and a boyish smirking Jimin joined you around ten minutes ago, leaning casually against the wall next to the door of the room and listen very interested to the conversation you have with your friend right now. They didn’t mean to overhear your private talk, they just wanted to know what kind of take-out food you’d prefer for tonight.

Unfortunately your conversation turned out to be very, very interesting for them, so they decided to give you some more time to talk with your best friend about the sexual fantasies you have which they don’t know about... well, until now.

Hoseok texted the other boys in the group chat to join them in the living room as well, they need to hear those very important information too!

Poor you, completely oblivious and naïve to what’s happening in this moment, not getting any kind of hint that not only your best friend would get those significant informations...

“...-what I actually wanted to say with that: I prefer to be independent in relation to all other non-sexual life-responsibilities. Well, that doesn’t mean we couldn’t increase the Erotic Power Exchange, right? To be very honest, I can’t get the fantasy of them taking my sextoys away and to forbid me to touch myself without their permission out of my head. I love to be their good boy and to get praises, I really do... but there is this thrill to be break the instructed rules, getting caught while doing it and getting punished for it. I want... I want to get called bad, filthy and dirty names, I want to be a disobedient, greedy and insatiable slut for them. I want to get spanked, edged and overstimulated, I want to get fucked into the mattress so bad, up to the point where I can’t get a single clear thought together and my brain turned to mush... I want to get used, ruined and wrecked by their cocks, getting my holes stuffed full with their cum and then plugged up, so nothing can run out anymore- God fuck, I should stop talking like that or I’ll get a serious problem! Well... sorry for so much detailed TMI, you know that this shit always happens when you tell me to stop overthinking and encourage me to spill everything that comes to my mind. Now you got every filthy detail you’ve asked for, you’re welcome.”, you joke sarcastically and facepalm yourself. You can’t believe how incredibly blunt and shameless you just threw your latest sex fantasy in every fucking detail at your poor best friend.

Usually you’re more than shy to talk about such things, in your understanding the magic for your shameless mouth towards your best friend has to reside in the deep thrust you have in him and simply the knowledge that your relationship is platonic. It’s not like that you couldn’t trust your boyfriends wholeheartedly, god no! You know, that they would never kinkshame you for anything,

it’s just... after sharing those thoughts it would result something out of it. You don’t want that they think you’re a weirdo or that they only do specific things because they know it would turn you on.

The other one just snorts in amusement when you voice this slight helpless apology, they can imagine the significant blush which has settled down on your cheeks.

“Hey buddy, don’t apologize for that. There is nothing to apologizing for, I am way too curious for my own good as well and I need to make sure that you’re happy in your relationship, especially when it comes to the point if they are able to fulfill your sexual desires. I need to know that, believe me. Okay, there’s one thing... I knew you were submissive, my dude. But I didn’t expect that you’d be such a masochistic hoe and that you’d have such a thing for degradation, Jesus! Nevermind, more important: did you talked with them about that fantasy? Would they be down for this idea and would they like to be more in charge? Please do not tell me that you’re too shy to talk with them about it, not again! I tell you this every goddamn time, communication is key!”, your best friend says to you in a serious tone.

Here you go again, getting scolded by your friend all over again. He is right, you know that... y’all already talked about ‘how to deal with certain kinks some of them or you have but the others aren’t into and how to not make them feel bad or insecure about it’ several times, you tend to overthink everything you have ever said to them all over again. You are always so flustered when seven pairs of eyes are looking at you, waiting for an answer. You are tall, even taller than Namjoon, but under their curious stares you feel always so small, fiddling with your fingers around like a little schoolboy. You love that about them, putting you into such a submissive place just with their aura and charisma and giving you the feeling as if they overtower you physically too.

“I can absolutely agree with Y/BF/N, communication is key. Why didn’t you told us those nasty fantasies you have in your cute head up here, right away? Too shy again? Do we really need to call your best friend the next time to get some hints to your secret kinks, Babyboy?”, Taehyung rasps into your earshell and wraps his arms around you. He chuckles slightly as you squeak high-pitched in surprise.

An equal surprised yelp of your best friend comes out of the speaker of your phone which takes Yoongi out of your hand and excuse you with the apology that ‘they need to have an important talk with you now and that you have to hang up unfortunately’.

The display of your phone turns dark and Yoongi puts it on the surface of the kitchen island before he flashes you a dirty smile. That you’re mortified that they caught you spilling all those filthy fantasies to your best friend is the understatement of the century. Never and you mean never did you hoped so bad that the floor opens up and swallows you whole, saving you from this embarrassing misery. But Yoongi give you much time to drown in shame, coming up to you and connect your lips to a rough kiss.

“God, I love it when our so sweet and shy Baby has such nasty and indecent fantasies in his head... why don’t you tell us these ideas in every single filthy detail once again? I think we could turn the information into some very good use, big boy~”, whispers the smaller one with blown-out eyes against your lips.

“...or would you prefer that we call you a needy cumslut, hm? The things I’ve heard give me the assumption that you want to get fucked stupid and pumped full with cum as if you are our personal playtoy?”, growls Jungkook and grabs himself a handful of your right asscheek, kneading it with a firm grip in his big palm.

“Come on, big boy, admit that you want exactly the things Jungkook just said... I can feel how fucking hard you just got from his words... already so hard and swollen against my palm even though we barely touched you. You’re truly such a pathetic, needy slut... I bet you’d already cum in your pants if we just tease you enough... Am I right?”, chuckles Namjoon in his deep, arousal soaked timbre against your neck, nibbling at the sensitive spot of your Adam’s apple.

“...what about we change our location to the bedroom and talk about the things you’ve said to Y/BF/N? Maybe we could try some of your newest kinks out? Would you like the thought of us watching you from the couch while you prepare your needy asshole for us? Showing us how you stuff you clenching rim with a girthy dildo? Wearing a cockring so you couldn’t cum without our permission? Prepping yourself all messy, whining for our finger, tongues and dicks in your ass like the greedy slut you are? Yeah, you’d love that thought.”, Seokjin teases you mercilessly, rolling your sensitive balls in his palm, just how you like it. “Y-Yes, Daddies... I’d love to be a greedy cumslut for you... please turn me into one!”, you wisper.

@cys-mental-escapades; @bangtanloverboys; @btsxmalereaders

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