#this is too much for me to handle rn
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guys. guys. GUYS-
#HOW IS RHIS OK 🥹🥹#i got the notif he posted and i clicked right away#I DIDNT EXPECT TO SEE T H I S#THATS SO CUTE PLS#I WAS LOWK WANTING ANOTHER JAYLA PIC RECENTLY#OMG DKSND#THAT-#I-#WHAT RHE-#THEYRE SO CUTE#IM ACTUALLY AT A LOSS FOR WORSS#I WANNA SCFEAMMA#THATS SO CUTE IM GONNA CFY#EVERY TIME I LOOK AF IT#OMG#AHHAHJSJSJ#k i need to sLEEP#and empty my mind#this is too much for me to handle rn#em speaks#♡
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The Japanese VA of Alucard (Jouji Nakata) and Integra (Yoshiko Sakakibara) just met on the set of JJK and they greeted with the line of Alucard and Integra greeting at the ending of Hellsing:
"Welcome back"
"I'm home"
SOURCE:
(1st pic): explaination tweet
(2nd pic): Jouji Nakata's tweet
#hellsing#alutegra#alucard hellsing#integra hellsing#alucard x integra#alucard#hellsing ultimate#i am very normal rn trying not to scream#hellsing was such a cultural reset#its cute that the VAs got attached to their role#alutegra canon bc the VAs said so#just lie down to breath this is a bit too much for me to handle#this is the cutest thing EVER
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i cant lie, im also beating myself up about not being able to get excited for the new game, or anything anymore it seems, while it can be fun to criticise things, some things you just dont like so badly that the frustration knowing it could be so much better but isnt and you not able to change it outweighs any fun- i dont like being a 'hater', i hate totk, but not bc i hate zelda but bc i LOVE it and want it to be better (though im starting to doubt my ability to do anything good with it too..)
and with the new game trailer (like, i still hope its better than im fearing rn) i feel similarly as when the next totk trailers dropped after the first one (which DID excite me), all of them gave me a sense of dread bc it seemed to go into a direction i wouldnt like, i tried to tone that voice down to enjoy the game, but then .. i was right
i dont want to be an annoying complainer about everything new, but maybe i am and i dont like that thought, i dont want to spoil anyones fun, i want to partake in it :(
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#either way#i know im in a bit of a swamp of bad feelings rn so i dont trust myself and what i say fully#but i have been thinking about trying to only work on destiny in terms of fanart#and look at my original stuff and perhaps gamedev a bit more seriously#dont get me wrong im not 'leaving' the fandom#but the things i like are so few and tiny parts of old games that are pretty much irrelevant to the modern fandom#like trying to keep driving on tires even when they lost all their rubber#after botw and the first botw2 trailer i was so deep into the theories of it all- and now i dont even want to look at the thumbnails#(even if those were largely boring or kinda weird- i felt like i was taking part in a fun group about stuff i like? in a way?)#what scares me about doing more original stuff though is ...#even my fanart was niche and largely not “popular” so doing oc stuff might be even worse and idk if my frail self worth can handle that dro#and to the last point of the post itself................. maybe a fear of losing community too#like how in school you where at first a part of the class#and as you got older your classmates started to notice how different and weird you were#and then you were alone
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not an ask, but I saw ur post and relate a lot to it.
anticipatory grief sucks. people will tell you not to think about it, not to let it steal from today, but some days are just so hard. sometimes it feels unavoidable, like it’s some goliath mountain in the distance or even the sky and you can’t not look at it. it’s like you have to keep trying to distract yourself not to think about it, and it’s exhausting, and you’re so fucking scared of the inevitable.
like how does anyone even function? the idea of the world continuing to spin when there’s this terrible, horrible thing that will happen some day is unfathomable but it does, and it’s horrible. Some day will mark the before and the after. nobody can ever be ready for it.
I hope the love you have keeps you strong. wishing you the best.
this is literally it. i know thinking about it Now wont make the actual day it happens any easier. but it's impossible to not think about it, especially since there's no tangible way to preserve memories or feelings or the like forever. i cry easily and get emotional over most anything and everything, which is another layer of difficulty wrt it because I spiral. I want to squeeze out of my body. im not meant for any of it
#skunk mail#Anonymous#ill be in a car with my dad fighting tears thinking about how ill miss it one day and there's no way for my brain to capture the moment and#make a simulation of it. and even then that wouldnt help. ykwim#sometimes i sit in my parents room while my parents and brother are there and i cant stop thinking about when ill see them for the last tim#and how i wish i could full really truly wring every last drop of ''appreciation'' from the moment.#i think about that time isnt linear thing. how everything that has happened or will happen exists on its own#and i think about the cheye experiencing the After tragedy. and i cant handle it. not now or then. i envy the past cheye#even the one of 5 seconds ago. because that was 5 seconds ive lost. 5 seconds closer to events that will#separate my life into Before and After. over and over again#(like you said anon. i think abt that all the time too)#i think this is also why im struggling with the thought of moving out#we all have so little time. dont even get me started on the fear and grief i feel for my own life#not only fearing dying but fearing the lead up where ive lost and cried over much. just me. alone.#ill never see them again. it will never be today again. we'll never be in my parents room like today again. i cant take it.#even if i spend every last second with everybody i still wont be able to take it. i cant believe it#human beings that were all somebody's baby once. tomorrow it will be like they were never here at all. all their memories#go with them. it hurts so bad. i cant take it#i cant even breathe rn ruminating abt it *peace sign emoji*
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i’ve been trying to read other batman comics to get more of an idea of the dc world + other character personalities but i can’t stop thinking about Duke and his parents. genuinely cannot go a single moment reading a dc comic without thinking something like “i wish i was reading about the Thomas family’s dinner plans and favorite restaurants right now!” and losing all focus, not absorbing/remembering anything on the pages -_-
#does anyone else have this problem? i hope i’m not fixating on them that would be too much for me to handle rn honestly#duke thomas#elaine thomas#doug thomas#his cousin too#sunny post
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😭😭
#hyunjin#video#MAKING ME SCREAM TAKE THE BABY AWAY FROM HIM ITS TOO MUCH FOR ME TO HANDLE 😭😭😭#who’s going to hold me like this now that i am in shambles#and why are my maternal instincts kicking in rn this is so ?!?!
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Super sexy me is so sexy I accidentally set off the fire alarm while baking pie shells for my pumpkin pie. And now I don't know if I should've even baked them in the first place. But well. Too late now 👍
#speculation nation#i am not a fucking baker so something always goes wrong when i make these pies 😭😭😭#but i am craving my grandma's pumpkin pies... i gotta bake them myself if i want them rn...#see the thing is ive previously bought pre-baked like. graham crusts#but i was like 'that crust sucks lets get a different thing'#so i got tbis dough shit that i put into pans. the box said to bake it. and so i was like ok cool#then as they were in the oven i looked at the pumpkin pie recipe for starting the filling#and then saw that it says 'unbaked shells' and so 😥😥😥😥#but too late now and it worked fine with the graham. and well. the filling is what i care about the most.#the crusts are just an excuse for having pie filling.#anyways i did set off the alarm. i think it's bc the oven was on so hot#the box says 450 which is hotter than i ever usually do. the pies themselves ask for 350#so well i turned the oven off and i have the microwave fan running#which oh yeah the fucking handle to my microwave fucking broke. it fucking broke.#i think i'll duct tape it or smth lol. microwave itself works fine still. and i dont want people in my apartment.#it's just the bottom part but it sure did just. splinter off. that shit is Broke broke.#and i scared the shit outta my cats And me with that damned alarm. and now i am just waiting.#calming down some. chilling the crusts. soon i will resume making the pie filling.#it's not like it even takes much time i am just. Nervous now.#i wanna let the oven cool off more b4 i have it going for like 45 mins lol#the crusts are kinda ugly. one of them is inflated on the bottom. these pies r going to be disasters.#so long as they still taste good......thats what i care about the most...#maybe my crusts will end up nuclear... if that happens tho ill just eat the filling out of the crust... its fine... ill be fine...#😭😭😭😭😭😭 why is everything so hard
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personal growth is crazy because it seems like nothing has changed until you're crying because you don't want to die. you learn something about yourself that ten years ago would have actually killed you, and now you're thinking about what you can do to heal and make peace with it. nothing may have changed to you, but to the person you were however long ago, you are the "it gets better"
#guy who's very proud of how well he's handling things rn lol#anyways personal time:#but idk man i kinda remembered smthn from my past n#like. if it wasn't for how much effort i've put into my mental health n coping skills#n my support network now#idk id be in a much worse place.#so i'm gonna forgive myself for not really sleeping last night#n having a hard time with my bpd feelings n emotions#because fuck man! i'm doin really good actually!#growth doesn't have to be oh man i'm never ever sad anymore#it's just. idk i don't cry because i Wanna die anymore#sometimes i have an intrusive thought of suicide#and it makes me cry because i DONT wanna die. and i know those thoughts are not good or needed#but i'm not gonna beat myself up for having them. i'm just gonna be patient n gentle w myself#n give myself time#n everything will be okay(:#bc it is okay! it's in the past and i'm safe now. and i wanna make other people feel safe too#growth starts w baby steps. n that's why it's so hard to recognize in yourself a lot of the time#it goes slooooooowly. for me at least lol.#mine#despite everything i am happy because i know my life now is one i love (: and one im actively trying to better for myself
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youtube
bsd season 5 pv - coming july 2023
#TOO MUCH AT ONCE I CAN'T HANDLE THIS RN#bsd#bsd s5#<< HELLO THERE BSD S5 TAG MY NEW BELOVED#i can't process a single thought don't mind me#*resumes screaming*
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*laughs nervously* I hope and want but at the same time I don't hope and I don't want because that would be bad and I don't want that
#i am not doing okay#my anxiety is already too much bc their bureaucracy isnt working#+ ive got exams going on which is always a piece of work on itself#and now this#which#technically its a good thing he contacted me but#i dont know how to handle it rn okay#please give me a break i was about to go to sleep what do i do now :(#fandomchaos posts#ethan complaints
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#meme#len’en#tsubakura enraku#took a break from working on a big project to make this and I dunno whether it’s actually funny??#I put way too much effort into getting the spacing right though lol#the @ starts with ‘mugen_’ like JynX’s Twitter handle and then genchou is the normal reading of the kanji for tsubakura’s name#altogether means like ‘fantasy mysterious bird (swallow)’ so I thought using that drawing for the pfp would be appropriate#plus don’t wanna spoil what I’m still working on lol (jk I don’t care that much)#also I like having ‘gen’ twice in a row it sounds cute#oh ya the 17 is just cause the original is 7 and it was easiest to just add a one but that lines up with the very vague timeline in my head#that being the protags are like mid 20s rn#like me!! I’m turning 24 next week#anyway I don’t post them to tumblr much (I have a Kirby one I should at some point though) but I make meme edits allll the time#and I put wayyy too much thought and effort into them#would you expect any different of me though
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Morning guys!! I'm still working/taking care of my cat and making sure he's ok (he's doing WAY better and seems to be recovering quickly 💖💖) so hopefully I'll get queue and interaction back to normal soon!
#jane journals#not self ship#im at work rn and i get off at 2 which is good#im glad i wont be leaving him alone too long 😭😭#and i have tomorrow off so it should be ok!!#ugh im so mad no one took my shift yesterday but hes doing much better!#im so relieved this shit had me a WRECK#idk HOW im gonna handle my future kids getting sick ajfjf
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it's fun when a hell plague is going around your household and you happen to be the final victim, cause like. You don't have to worry about infecting anyone else, everyone understands exactly how miserable you feel and can sympathize, and on top of that if you were taking care of them while you were still healthy, now you get that paid back in interest, because they're grateful for the care you gave and feel bad about infecting you.
The only downside is you're the last one to get sick, so you get to watch those motherfuckers recovering while you're still in the downwards spiral, they've already had all the soup in the house, and you're probably almost out of kleenex. So that's a real downside.
Anyways, I'm dying, so that's fun.
#blogging to you live from my bed for once bcause i'm too fatigued to handle sitting at my desk#i was literally slumped over on the desk watching youtube videos and i was like 'yeah i dont need back pain on top of This'#so i just transferred to the bed to properly lay down#im literally horizontal rn lmao. typing is weird in this position. must be done tho#but its cool mom made a store run earlier today and among the offerings was a large pity chocolate bar which is appreciated#i want to stop coughing tho my throat is killing me. but statistically speaking. its gonna be like a week before that happens#god help me and my asthmatic lungs ;_;#kinda want to watch cells at work code black for comfort rn#like yes my health currently sucks. but it doesnt suck THAT much#meanwhile the originator of the plague (my older sibling) is now totally healthy and off on a fun camping trip THAT BASTARD
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upd8.... spoilers
i will say im liking how the new crew is treating this plotpoint. also i. love women. thought i should mention that
the freaking. the lipstick color.
going from roses color to kanayas aarghh [holding head] <- victors reaction to the most basic and straightforward symbolism
but also gosh. jade bringing up how gods are treated... you see people cracking jokes about it but, obvious horrible behavior aside. shes right! none of them are really capable of making a real connection! theyre caged, trapped even, within this circle of people theyve known since they were 13. and thats kinda messed up!! a little bit!!! it sucks!!!!
btw say what you will but i missed ruby. her whimsy...
the artists have been absolutly kicking it out of the park btw! like aghhh! must stress again that i love women
#homestuck^2#upd8 spoilers#theres an inate need for me to sympathize with jade due to just how bad its all been for her. writing wise. to even lead to this point#but kanaya has every right to be that furious. she might even be giving them too much leyway#im quite happy with how stuff is being written rn (not the plot. the plot is really sad)#i was afraid id have to drop the moment the cheating plotpoint came back but the way its being handled is#very readable. yknow?#those “were doing this cause we hate you” vibes are not here
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i've been too exhausted to cook/clean from all the chaos of daily doc appts and lots of work all the time so i've been only eating bread again. my body and heart are not happey. but at least i'm still alive
#lay text#i will catch up on nutrients soon!!!#this is just a very hard week. and next week will prob be hard too. all the wheeling is so exhausting and long bus rides eugh#and sleeping with itchy uncomfy bandages#and dealing w ppl trying to grab my chair w/o consent all the fuckign time (i need to put spikes on my handles i stg)#and having to navigate unhinged men downtown#and having no sense of direction so getting lost 24/7#my body & brain aren't used to being out daily deep in the city like this..... like damn idk how ppl do it all the time#i have to rest 2-3 days after going downtown#but alas that's not allowed for me rn :'(#cuz of my ramen booboo#anyways. it's 11pm i have so much work to do. i wish naruto was there to encourage me. he would know exactly what to say#something stupid and loud and brash#god. can't wait to indulge in spec interests again
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Ooh this teen talk has -Intense Freddie- huh
#aka I’m gonna pause it for a bit#his energy it too much lmao#decent point#too strong#an energy I don’t need rn#it’s funny when I’m hype for an ep and then I’m :333 for most of it and then one thing happens and I go#Yknow what#I’ll save his#this#this is for later me#dndads#dungeons and daddies#teen talk#I can’t handle conflict#can everyone be calm and quiet
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