#this is the thought i have formulated after reading probably a little bit too much band rpf

[fueledbysano]

what fragrances I think tokyo revengers characters wear

so if yall wanna smell your mans go sniff this at your local store. also most of these are unisex! u can do ur research and get them for yourself or a similar one!

♱ ft: Mikey, Shinichiro, Izana, Rindou, Sanzu, Ran, Inui, Koko, Taiju.

♱ a/n: just my opinion as a fragrance connoisseur. bc my flight is delayed and I wanted to pass time. also I was in the middle of writing if then chapter 12 when this came in mind so watch out for that too. also, if u want other characters just suggest them. I need something to work on while on the flight anyways.

Mikey - Straight to Heaven by Kilian

you will audibly moan when you get a whiff of this. very mysterious, dark, and elegant. it's sweet, boozy, and very commanding. hell, I think this was made FOR HIM. literally straight out of heaven. and i think it really adds to his attractiveness and vibe. it stays on his skin when you're cuddling after sex. which eventually, lingers on yours too which will stay for hours, reminding you of the intense night you had together.

Shinichiro - TABAC 28 by Le Labo

might have a bit of a bias because I wear Le Labo too but THIS. when I first smelled this, he's the first man that came in mind. it's super musky, has tobacco notes, and overall smells very fresh and comforting. really gives off the good bad boy vibe. he wears an extra spray when you cuddle so it lingers on you too and let the others know that you're his, without speaking a word.

Izana - NAXOS by XerJoff

this scent is so intoxicating, I'm telling you. almost seductive, if you'd ask me. it's bright, sparkly, and warm. it's a little lavender citrusy, dominated by honey, vanilla, and some sweet tobacco. and it's unisex too! much like Izana, it's inviting, unique, and unforgettable. When he leaves, he sprays it to your clothes as a reminder that he's not so far away.

Sanzu - Bergamote 22 by Le Labo

another Le Labo man. LISTEN— he's arguably the most difficult one to assign a particular scent to. I thought of Suavage, Eros, and a lot more very manly scents. While I very much think that he wears those, I think this is his signature scent. Very androgynous, fresh, and expensive. It is fruity and musky in scent. smells like your boyfriend who drives an expensive car and lets you be the passenger princess.

Rindou - Jean Paul Gaultier Ultra Male

it's very bright and sweet— minty, pear-y, a little musky, and vanilla in scent. youthful and fresh. I heard that it is amazing for clubbing, perfect for Rindou who owns the club. he sprays it on you on club dates to note to everyone that you are untouchable and taken by him.

Ran - YSL Y La Parfum

we all know that Ran loves Mont Blanc and YSL. But I think he wears scents from the latter one. Now this man knows his fragrances. He has a big collection and probably wears them in layers too. But when I think of a YSL scent that screams Ran Haitani, it's the LP. It's seductive, sweet, and dark. It's fruity, sage-y, and powdery, in a way that it smells manly. and I read somewhere that this scent attracts the women; but that isn't his goal when he already has you, smugly watching the girls who turn their heads to follow that sexy scent only to discover that his arm is already linked with yours.

Koko - Fucking Fabulous by Tom Ford

Koko is in fact, fucking fabulous. this fragrance is so expensive-smelling (and literally so expensive), which is his brand. and yes, it's a unisex scent. It's lavender, leather, and vanilla in fragrance— a beautifully formulated combination of sweetness and musk which is a masterpiece. I just know that Koko is a fragrance man too and this is his signature. He does not gatekeep and gets you a bottle so you can turn heads together.

Koko - Santal 33 by Le Labo

okay, fine. maybe there is a bias but Le Labo is just the goat when it comes to unisex fragrances which I think would be Inui's preference. I personally wear this scent. It smells like an expensive hotel. it is musky, powdery, and woody in scent. It's comforting, calming, but strong. Inui also dresses well so this really compliments his overall style. when you ride his motorcycle, you always get a whiff of it and Inui could tell from how much you cling onto him and rest your chin on his shoulder. and he thinks it's adorable.

Taiju - Gentle Fluidity Silver by Maison Francis Kurkdjian

SO SEXY. fresh, crisp, and sophisticated. while it may seem like it's a manly scent, it's unisex. people on the internet like to describe it's scent as young, sexy ceo vibes and I couldn't agree more. I think Taiju would go for this instead of smelling like every other mothefucker in the streets. He sprays it in your car too so you are reminded of his presence, and whoever dares to get in it.

[syrupgirl]

this is a request lol but i havent seen really anything on the ATWOW characters and a chubby!human reader. like would they like her belly? would they like how “squishy” she is? what are your thoughts on this:)❤️

a/n: wasn’t sure if I should interpret this as a full fic request or just my thoughts so i mixed the two and turned in more of a hc direction! I also tried to keep this written in a way that could be perceived as either romantic or platonic (Tuk is most definitely platonic tho) :p

The beautiful bodies we are in -assorted ATWOW characters

As a general rule of thumb, I think all of the characters would be a lil curious, as all Na’vi we have seen have been quite slender. But I truthfully can’t see anyone of them being anything but generally indifferent towards readers body type :)

JAKE

Jake wouldn’t bat an eyelid.

๑༄ ‧₊˚Like I said, I can’t see anyone being feeling any type of negative way about a reader’s body and that applies to Jake, too. If, for whatever reason, you were insecure about your body because of your weight or size, he would comfort you the best he could.

NEYTIRI

Has you in high regard because she believes you’re absolutely stunning

๑༄ ‧₊˚Don’t ask me where this came from, but I just think Neytiri would find you absolutely gorgeous. Not in the ‘awwww so adorable like a puppy’ way but ‘Oh my goodness you are ethereal’

NETEYAM

Fascinated but then just treats you like he would anyone else :)

๑༄ ‧₊˚ Depending on whether you grew up with the Sully’s (like Spider) or you met them later in life, they would have different ‘first impressions’ when it comes to your body type! Growing up with them from a young child, he would probably just know that human bodies behave differently to Na’vi bodies and that’s normal. If you were introduced when he was a bit older, he might ask a few questions, like, is there a reason for it? but after you explained that it is just how your body is for no particular reason, he would just say okay! and happily move on with his day

KIRI

Small, silent, fascination to respect and love

๑༄ ‧₊˚My homegirl Kiri, hard to get a read on her tbh. Again, NOTHING negative. EVER. She might ask if it is an evolutionary thing for humans? To which you would answer no, not really, just how my body grows and she would understand that and stop the questioning. Would hate to make you uncomfortable in any way or make you feel alienated or estranged so probably doesn’t comment on your body much after that or at all.

LO’AK

Possibly less…restrictive with his questions but not less respectful in the end

๑༄ ‧₊˚He probably runs the risk of asking an innocent question in a direct way that is really fkn rude like ‘why do you look like that?’ when what he really means is ‘hey, why is your body different than mine? that’s interesting’ If he could see you took offence, he would immediately apologise and try to formulate his question better. Much like his mother, I think he adores you and your body to no end. I also feel like he would say ‘there’s more of you to love’ and would like to be touching you all the time. Likes to lay on your tumtum and talk to you

TUKTIREY

she’s just a babyyyy my babbyyyy

๑༄ ‧₊˚ Whether or not you were around since she was small(er) or not, I don’t think she would have any types of feelings since she’s so liddle. Maybe a frequent series of hugs now and then and a you’re so warm and soft muttered into your stomach while she’s smushed there but that’s just normal for her.

TONOWARI

This man…I love this man and he loves you

๑༄ ‧₊˚Like Neytiri, you would be his deity. Maybe it’s me projecting how I want to be worshipped by this blue alien but good golly miss molly. He loves every little bit of you and just wants to hug and squeeze you all the time. I have to stop before I gush over him too much (also yes, it would be hard to take this in a platonic sense even tho i said i would try to keep it neutral 💀)

RONAL

I don’t have a good grasp on m’lady Ronal

๑༄ ‧₊˚She is just a skeptical lady, you could probably catch her looking at you out of the corner of your eye and she doesn’t even bother looking away once you’ve caught her. Her interest about your body isn’t based on anything negative ofc just complete fascination.

a/n: while writing this, I tried to not alienate the reader because of their size as I know that just isn’t on. I truly hope I didn’t cross any lines <3 If you would like this same concept with a specific character, feel free to send in a request :p

[tinysnailtales]

Thoughts from reading Yona of the Dawn Ch. 7

Ch.7 in summary: growth for both Hak and Yona as the Wind Tribe is pressured/targeted by the Fire Tribe to push Mundok to accept Soo-Won as king, with Hak stepping up and accepting responsibility as chief and Yona expanding her care for others.

We love competent Hak being good at his job. His adeptness probably enables him to poke fun at others so much (and previously shrug off his duties?), and while I love how reliable he is, he could probably use some more flaws for character exploration.

"I heard my brother was getting paid to protect the princess" "Why else would I do it?" – here perhaps we have his main "flaw": he's a liar who lies and denies and makes light of things to hide deeper parts of himself. Becoming more open and forthright might be part of his journey. But also– I want to see a powerless Hak, what does he do when he can't protect people?

Sorry, can't help it. Hak and Yona (and HakYona) are too nice to look at. I enjoy them being in sync too much.

MUNDOK! Such a beautiful moment. And more of Yona not being as alone as she might have thought.

"The people of the Wind Tribe are like you. They're full of warmth. I feel peaceful here" – more emphasis on the love and care Yona has received from the Wind Tribe (and how it mirrors young Yona recovering from being sick).

She's being exposed to a different way of life and is glowing from it.

"They killed Han-Dae!" "I'm not dead...not quite" –Tell me why this running gag amuses me so much.

"This is a warning from the Fire Tribe...They want Lord Soo-Won to become king...It appears they're trying to put pressure on me since I refused to approve Soo-Won's accession"

"Soo-Won murdered my father...and now he's going to rule our nation?!"

"Acknowledging Lord Soo-Won as king would mean acknowledging the accusation that Hak committed regicide." "They...they think Hak_?!"

This is all a shock back to reality for Yona, an interruption of that "peaceful" feeling she was describing. The visuals help make it clear how it brings her back to the state she was before, at least a bit, indicating that she can't completely escape it. It (and Soo-Won) will follow and hang over her.

She is also getting to see how every day people of the Wind Tribe (and Hak!) are being negatively affected by all the politicking/what has happened.

And here we get an even clearer example of what Hak disliked about nobility and royalty– Tae-Jun treating people as pawns for his personal agenda. This, coupled with the Fire Tribe's actions towards the Wind Tribe, shows the land and people being used as an arena for the whims and goals of those with power. Like a (strategy) game.

The Fire Tribe overall acts for larger goals, but Tae-Jun is also individually motivated to get personal revenge on Hak. For something that happened years ago, no less!

"What's going to happen to these people?" –Yona's care for others, for the people of the kingdom, has been planted. Her priorities are shifting and she's finding something new to care about and live for.

"Young Chief! Why aren't you saying anything?! This isn't like you, Elder Chief!" – both Hak and Mundok have their hands tied considering what is at stake. I think Hak formulates his ultimate plan to leave here.

"The Fire Tribe is being backed by the Sky Tribe– the royal family! If the Wind Tribe resists, they won't get off lightly! No...! I don't want to see anyone else die!" – Yona's care for these people and desire not to see them suffer really solidified here. She also feels she is partially to blame and not only does not want them to suffer, she specifically doesn't want them to die after witnessing the death of her father.

And with that, Hak makes his decision.

"I'll figure out a way to handle this. Trust me. Be patient. Those are the orders of Son Hak...Chief of the Wind Tribe" – Hak is fully stepping up and accepting his role and doing a great job at it! And with that little smile of his, he also seems to be thriving.

"Do you hear that?! The young chief's giving us orders." "Lord Hak never wanted the hassle of being a general! That's amazing, Lord Hak! This is great!" – Exactly, exactly. Hak is accepting the role and responsibility he rejected. GROWTH

But meanwhile, Yona can't join the almost celebratory determination of the Wind Tribe. Though relieved, she feels powerless.

"Hak...um...is there anything I can do...?" – despite feeling useless, Yona wants to help. Her hesitation/awkwardness in asking to help shows this feeling of uselessness but also her determination and desire to be of use. Hak seems slightly taken aback by her initiative and offer but also expresses a soft happiness before settling into typical Hak behavior.

We get teasing/changing the subject/making light of the situation Hak and boooo.

I suppose Hak goes for something he know will distract Yona. He doesn't want her to worry and he knows where her line of thinking will lead...to his plan to leave and take the fall.

"You don't have to do anything. Just live a quiet life...here in Fuuga" – this moment is not just addressing her question but functions as a goodbye! His "you don't have to do anything" functions as a "just be you" and he expresses his greatest desire: for her to be safe and happy.

The joking around to seriousness from Hak also encapsulates their relationship pretty well.

"If you'd been alone...you would've charged into the palace with a single spear. Right?" "Kid...you're one to talk" – Hak takes after Mundok. They have such a sweet relationship.

"Do me a favor, will you? Give Soo-Won your support. Y'see...I'm leaving the Wind Tribe in the morning. I won't carry the name 'Son' anymore. I want you to focus on protecting the tribe. The Fire Tribe won't do anything else if you agree to their demands." – Hak continues to accept responsibility and chooses to sacrifice himself, taking the fall and leaving it all behind to protect his tribe.

I hope he learns he is more than something to be sacrificed for others. It's very big of him to do this for his tribe, but it is also very in character in a way that doesn't push for growth when it comes to valuing himself.

"Are you going to leave her highness behind?"

"She's finally started to smile a little. I'm glad I brought her with me. One more request. Hide her from the palace. Let her live out her life...here in Fuuga...as a member of the Wind Tribe." – Hak has seen how Yona has taken to the Wind Tribe and wants to keep protecting her along with his people. Again–he wants her to continue to be happy and safe, his greatest wish. And he's willing to remove himself from her life, even though he wants to be with her, in order to make it come true.

There is some pain to his expression, all of this affects him more than he tries to show.

"I won't do as my grandson asks...But...I would have to obey an order from the tribe's chief" – AWW Mundok must be very proud of Hak, acknowledging how far he has come, specifically in regards to being chief. Such a tender moment, feels like an expression of respect, regard, and love.

"This is my final order...as Son Hak, chief of the Wind Tribe" – I am eMoTIonal. It was lovely seeing you as chief, Hak. Hopefully this isn't really the end of that path for you.

I just have to shout-out MVP Han-Dae!!! Taking care of Yona and calming everyone and patting Yona's head and all the work he did this chapter for his tribe! Truly a star.

[theteltales]

The Letters That Move Us - Chapter 14: Kindred Spirits.

Isabella

Isabella sat on a stool outside the bathtub, the sleeves of her nightgown rolled up well past her elbows to avoid getting them wet. She held a cup with one hand and used her other to hold Violet's blonde hair as she poured water over it repeatedly. Her own hair was still damp from the bath she’d taken a few minutes ago after failing to convince her friend to go first. A wholly unsurprising outcome. Isabella had tried to wash fast enough to preserve as much of the water’s heat as she could but ultimately, the water had lost much of its warmth. Not that Violet would ever complain.

She spent her time waiting for Violet to call her back in by sitting at the table with a book open in front of her. However, she couldn’t really focus well enough to read. She probably skimmed the same paragraph at least a dozen times without actually comprehending the words. Every time her thoughts drifted by the end, landing on Violet and her earlier gloom. It played over and over again in her mind beside a single question. What did that mean for the pair? Mercifully, Violet eventually beckoned her to join. Probably once she was done washing her body. At least the opportunity to help would distract Isabella from too much pondering. 

Once she finished wetting the hair, Isabella silently worked the soap in like she had done that first time. “Isabella…” Hearing her first name come from Violet’s lips caught her somewhat off guard, even though she'd asked for it. It was exciting but would certainly take some getting used to.

“Yes?” Isabella answered without stopping her work.

“I wanted to apologize for earlier. I should not have lost my composure like that.”

And now an apology? "Please don't worry about it. That's what friends do, right? Tell each other what they're feeling." Though Violet had been upset, Isabella couldn't help but feel a tiny amount of joy that the doll’s concerns affected her that much. So much that Violet "lost her composure." If anyone could really describe what happened as such. Isabella knew it was a little cruel to feel that way, but it spoke to how much Violet's opinion came to mean to her over these past few weeks. For good or for bad.

"I suppose they do," Violet sat with her legs extended out in front and didn't move much. Her arms remained raised out of the water, lying along the top edge of the tub while she was attended to. Isabella had managed to hold herself to one peek at the slender form in front of her but didn't see much from where she was sitting. Only the partially obscured legs and the long, pale back were readily in view. Still, even that was enough to increase her heart rate by a noticeable amount. 

"I have a question for you,” Isabella announced. As much to steer her thoughts in a different direction as to sate her actual curiosity.  

"You may ask." 

With permission given, she stopped what she was doing for a moment to formulate her thoughts. As if this question needed more of her attention than another might. "Do you have friends waiting for you at home? Or maybe, someone special?" Isabella wasn't exactly spoiled for companions herself. Besides Taylor, she didn't have anyone she was close with in her life. A part of her did hope Violet might become someone special to her but in what way, she wasn't quite sure yet.

"Yes, I have a few friends back in Leiden. Those I work with mostly but there are a few others. And..." Violet paused, seemingly hung up on the answer. In the meantime, Isabella waited for her to gather her thoughts and started working on her hair once more to try and fill the gap. "There is someone special to me," Violet continued, voice lowered and head hung a bit further. "But I can't ever see them again." Why exactly that was the case was unclear and left unsaid. Even though Isabella had a burning desire for her to elaborate, she let it be for the moment. It had already been an emotionally charged day and there was no reason to dig at old wounds.

Instead, she began to rinse the blonde tresses, choosing to focus on the first part of the answer. "I'm sure they miss you, are you excited to see them when you return?" After the follow-up question, Isabella couldn't help but wonder if Taylor missed her right now. If the girl thought she would ever see her big sister again. Isabella tried her best to explain the situation, but there was only so much you could get through to a child that young. Especially once the tears and the heartache set in. All she could do was hope Taylor didn't hate her now. But, even if that came to pass, knowing the little girl was being taken care of was worth that price, no matter the pain.

"I will be happy to see them when I return, yes. However, I won't let that distract me from my work here." Violet's answer pulled Isabella back from the familiar spiral of self-loathing that came too often when she thought of Taylor. So much so that she even let slip the tiniest giggle at the answer. A perfectly Violet answer.

"I bet they will be happy to see you too." Another few cups of water and the blonde hair contained no more traces of soap. Satisfied with her work, Isabella put everything away and then clapped her hands before standing tall and casting her eyes toward the chair that held fresh towels.

"Are you finished?" Before receiving an answer, she turned and began to walk to retrieve one for Violet. A "Yes," followed in her wake and Isabella returned a moment later with a soft cloth stretched between her arms. Just like Violet did every time Isabella finished washing. She even averted her gaze by turning her head to the side, though she didn't close them. "Here you go, nice and clean." Of course, they were. What else would they be? A second later, she could see the vague outline of Violet's body rising out of the water. Even in her peripheral vision, it was easy to tell where the prosthetics ended and where the rest of her body began.

"Thank you, Isabella. You didn't have to." This time, instead of shock at hearing her name, a small smile broke out on her face. Isabella's hands dropped away once Violet took proper hold of the towel and began to wrap it around her body. Which signaled that she was free to head back into the room to give the handmaiden a little privacy.

“It’s no problem, I'm happy to help.” Subsequently, she turned with a small nod and made her way out of the bathroom to collect her book and hop into bed. However, even tucked comfortably under the blankets, she couldn’t manage to quiet her mind enough to do much of anything. It seemed she would make no progress on her story tonight. After a few minutes, she sighed, placed the book on the nightstand, and settled further down with her stuffed bear pressed to her chest. She waited silently, eyes open, for Violet to emerge dressed in her slip and ready for bed. Once she did, and made her way over, Isabella lifted the blankets and waited for her to slip beneath.

“Isabella, are you feeling alright? Do you need some water?" Seeing her already lying in bed without her book must've looked odd to Violet. At least enough to prompt a question. She didn't answer right away and chose to lay still while the handmaiden adjusted the comforter to better wrap them in its warmth. She was always so considerate. Always looking out for the slightest bit of trouble.

"No, I'm fine..." Isabella breathed in and closed her eyes, hugging the bear tighter against her chest. "I'm just wondering why you are so kind to me. Especially when I can be so troublesome. With my behavior and the illness. I'm such a pain, aren't I?" It had been comforting earlier to hear that Violet worried about their friendship. However, there was a nagging feeling in her mind that questioned whether or not she was deserving of such a thing. She was trying to do better every day, but what if that wasn't enough? 

"You think I'm kind?" Violet asked and then paused while she too settled further into bed. "I guess I'm just doing what I was taught." That response didn't exactly fill Isabella with the same reassurance that came from their earlier interaction. It made the arrangement seem somewhat...forced.

"So, it's because it's your job?" Was this only a fulfillment of her obligation? Was Violet concerned only ensuring her task was complete? Was a friendship only a means to an end? To make sure Isabella behaved and did what she was required?

"No," Violet quickly interjected before pausing to think. "It is not required for this role. Being kind is something I’ve learned about and chose to extend to you. Being your friend is something I want to do." 

Mercifully the cascading thoughts were brought to a halt with Violet's explanation. Eliciting a barely perceptible sigh of relief. However, if this wasn't required, Isabella couldn’t help but wonder. "Why?" She shifted then, casting her eyes down towards the sheets where Violet sat. "Why do that for me?"

"Because I know what it feels like to be alone in a world I don’t fully understand or am comfortable in." Following her answer, Violet finally lay down in the bed. With her blonde hair free of any braids, it fanned out around her head and down the sides of the pillow. The movement caused Isabella to look up and then she reached out for a few strands to gently play with while she thought. That was definitely an understatement. Still, were their situations so similar? A wounded soldier and a peasant girl thrust into a life of luxury? Isabella's wounds were only in her mind, in her heart really, but Violets were very physical. Well, besides the student’s sickness. Or was there more than met the eye? A deeper sadness hidden out of view? Violet mentioned not being able to see her special person anymore...did they die in the war? 

A feeling of jealousy swept over Isabella as her thoughts drifted to the person Violet cared about. A feeling she was immediately ashamed of considering the circumstances, but one she couldn't help nonetheless. If they were still around, would Violet even be doing this work? Would she have ever met the doll? The natural conclusion of that line of thinking was not a place Isabella's mind wanted to go. So, she forced the thought aside and kept idly twirling the soft, damp hair. Something that Violet didn't seem to mind at all. 

"Thank you, for doing that. I'm very happy you decided to take the job. To come here and help me. I'm not sure I could've done it without you." If someone had told Isabella that she would've said such a thing at the start of this, she might've called them crazy. Doubly so if they also told her she'd want Violet to stay longer than the three months of her assignment.

“I think you could have.” Violet’s head turned on the pillow, allowing the light green eyes to hold her own. Even in the dim light of the candle, it was easy to make out her features. Yet again, Isabella found herself admiring how beautiful Violet was. She just hoped the low light would conceal the tint blooming on her cheeks. At least the thump of her heart would remain hidden away while she held her gaze. "You're stronger than you think, Isabella. And you aren't a pain either. I'm happy I took this assignment and that I got to meet you."

Those words, as much as the small smile on Violet’s lips, had the warmth on her cheeks spreading through her body. Violet didn't seem the type to lie, so the sentiment must have been genuine. Maybe Isabella could do this after all. With Violet at her side, of course. Thoughts of them together were at the forefront of Isabella’s mind until sleep took hold. 

[patchesproblem]

HELLO HI me again sorry it’s me the worm in your reblog do you have any einsla aus,,,,

HI YES. I'M SO SORRY IT'S TAKEN SO LONG FOR ME TO REPLY.. My brains been fried and I've been having a hard time formulating my thoughts / being able to think straight in general. * Typing this in after the fact, I'm sorry if any of this comes off as confusing or unreadable. It very quickly turned into me rambling.

Insanity under the cut.

I have. A Lot. I'll list them and then I'll make a little section at the bottom about them!!

University AU

Herrscher Tesla AU (I have a lot about this and I think I still have your original ask about it in my ask box.. I'm so sorry I'll probably respond to it after this sobs.)

Half Life 1 / 2 AU (I actually have A LOT about this. I'll probably link my previous posts about this. Though I haven't updated on it in a bit so I'll still be adding additional information.)

AU where everythings the same except they have an immortal cat named S'more (she's a menace to society.)

AU where Karls alive. (Yes this I'm considering this separately. Leave me alone I miss him every day.)

AU where they're actually just living normal lives together.

RPG AU (Technically Elios, but I'm helping them work on it and writing a fanfic about it. Need to update it but regardless.)

Also I guess this kinda counts as an AU? It's canon compliant but I have an entire thing about post-lab 42 and them struggling to cope after the fact. It's more depressing than wholesome, though the herrscher one is depressing too.

Harvest Moon AU.

I think I have a few more I'm not remembering right now.. If I remember them I'll reblog this.

Also going to put the Herrscher AU at the bottom because it's extremely depressing and I know some people won't want to see it.

Also a lot of this will be a very brief / dumb down version of the AU's. This is mainly just because I don't know how many people want to read huge blocks of text.

University AU:

So essentially in this AU Karl, Planck, Joyce, Joffrey, Joachim, Elias, Tesla, Einstein, Schrodinger, Reanna, Elysia, and Eden are still alive. It takes place in modern times and is in a world where Honkai doesn't exist.

Tesla and Einstein met at university. They were in the same class together and eventually they were forced to partner up for a project, and they became friends / girlfriends through that. Tesla didn't really like her at first, but Einstein kept annoying her (affectionately) and soon she grew to like her.

Einstein was adopted by Karl and Planck (I need to make it clear this is not a ship thing. It's one of those 'they take care of her together' things) and was taught by the two of them. She often switched between living with the two, though she still saw both of them often. Joyce was also adopted by Karl along with his younger brother Joffrey. Joffrey doesn't really remember life before Karl, though Joyce still remembers some of it. He just doesn't like talking about it.

Explaining this because it's kinda important to the AU. Einsla, Schrodinger, and Welt all live together as roommates. Insanity ensues. They also have a little 'study group' they've named anti-entropy and have little pins on their backpacks.

Jobs just because I want to talk about it and I don't know how to segway into it:

Karl works as a psychologist at the university.

Planck teaches as a professor at the university.

Elias is the librarian.

Welt works at a cafe while he studies.

Elias is friends with Tesla and Einstein and he often asks them to watch Joachim for him whenever he needs someone to. Their relationship with him is pretty much the same as canon for the most part. They tend to take him places and sometimes take him to eat. Tesla also ropes him into pulling pranks on others (Welts often the victim of these.) He knows Joffrey and they're friends.

Joffrey is also watched by them sometimes, though it's mainly by Welt. There have been times where he had to let them watch him though just because he couldn't. Joffrey isn't really one to pull pranks and tends to stay quiet and sticks by Welts side whenever possible.

Schrodinger tends to stick to herself, though she does occasionally cause mischief. Her and Reanna are dating, so Reanna often comes over too. All of them are friends.

Karl and Tesla's relationship is a disaster (in a good way.) She was terrified of meeting him because of Planck, and she didn't want to leave a bad impression. Karl likes her though, and after awhile viewed her as family too. He's Einslas #1 defender and fan while Plancks their #1 hater.

Not sure where to add this, but the reason Elysia and Eden are here too is just because I really wanted to make Elysia and Tesla friends. Also because her and Welt are the first herrschers of their respective eras. I think Elysia and Tesla would get along really well.

I actually have a lot of scenarios about this AU if you're interested! Mainly just silly little short stories, but still.

Half Life 1 / 2 AU:

OKAY I HAVE POSTS ABOUT THIS (I'll see if I can find them later) BUT I LOVE TALKING ABOUT IT SO!!

Okay so: in this Tesla and Einstein are scientists working at Black Mesa, though the day the Ressonace Cascade occurred.

Some background information about their life before that:

Tesla had beef with Gordon Freeman. She did not like him. At All.

Tesla and Einstein worked with each other on projects, though they had no part in the resonance cascade.

They hated how things were being run at Black Mesa. They had actually just finished packing their equipment / personal items into boxes and were about to leave when the resonance cascade happened.

When the incident occurred Tesla had grabbed / threw herself over Einstein instinctively trying to protect her. They both ended up being okay, though they had cuts, scrapes, and bruises. They weren't in the same area as Gordon Freeman at the time, so they were farther away from the cascade.

They made their way to an area and met a security guard who was trying to gather the remaining survivors. A majority of them were hurt or dying, only a few of them were relatively unscathed. They helped the security guard out with taking care of the others, and they attempted to call for help before they realized the phone lines were down.

They volunteered to look for help so that the guard could stay with the survivors, and he gave them a map and took them to his station to give them guns and ammo (at this point they already knew that it wasn't safe.) However they tended to try to stay out of sight and not fight if able. Though Tesla did start getting creative and made makeshift grenades at some point.

It was easy going at first. It was around an hour or two into their journey that Einstein decided to pick up a headcrab and force Tesla to let it tag along just to mess with her. It was defanged so it wasn't dangerous. She Hated It. She was yelling about it and called Einstein insane (as any person would.) They did become friends though eventually.

They traversed the alien infested areas, though it wasn't always easy. There comes a point where either Tesla or Einstein (I haven't decided yet) nearly falls into radiation and the other grabs them along with the headcrab.

Along the way they slowly learn more about what happened at Black Mesa, and learn that the military is their enemy. They also learn that Gordon Freeman is somehow still alive and has made the military extremely angry and has killed a majority of them.

Their main goal was to get to the lambda lab, which they managed to get to with some struggle. Eventually Gordon Freeman arrives and they assist the other scientists with sending him to Xen.

In Half Life 2 they're working with Dr. Kleiner and Eli Vance. They too have a hidden lab where they conduct their own research. They still have the headcrab, and it's like a cat to them. Barney does not like it either, though. Barney doesn't really see them much since he mainly works with Kleiner, and he's still working for the Combine. Gordon would eventually meet with them.

I also had an idea where Welt was a high ranking alien / combine soldier but lost his memories, and because he looked like a normal person Einsla took him in. Schrodinger or Reanna would figure it out, and bust into their lab ready to kill him to protect Tesla and Einstein and make sure that the plan won't fail.

Eventually their lab was raided by the Combine, though it wasn't because of Welt. In fact he shoved them through the gate and told them to run. (He's fine don't worry.)

I have other ideas for the AU, but for the sake of space I'll leave it at that.

S'more AU:

S'more is a menace cat who's immortal. They're stuck with her. I'm thinking there was an accident involving Honkai at some point and they found her and took her in, later on realizing that she was immortal like them. S'more actually appears in quite a few of my AU's, I just don't talk about them much anymore. There are a few where she's a normal cat (mainly in the ones where Tesla and Einstein are just 'normal' people.)

Post Lab 42:

I'll elaborate more on this in a different post, but it deals with them grieving while dealing with their trauma.

Some important notes are:

At first Tesla locked herself away and couldn't bring herself to even be in the same room as Einstein or Planck. It wasn't because she hated them or blamed them, it was the opposite. She blamed herself for what happened (survivors guilt) and wished it was her that died instead of Welt. She felt like she failed to protect Einstein, and thought that she hated her even though there wasn't Anything suggesting that she did. (I actually have an old fanfic of Einstein waking up before Tesla and running to find her that I still hc.) Einstein was already hurting because of everything, and then having Tesla refuse to see her made things even worse. It wasn't until Planck forcibly dragged Tesla out kicking and screaming that Tesla came out. Anyways afterwards Tesla and Einstein were almost constantly glued to each other and if the other wasn't there they'd be scared and out of it. I don't know if any of this makes sense, but essentially trauma responses. If you want any clarification / explanation feel free to send another ask and I'll explain!

I had something else to put here but I genuinely forgot what I was going to say.

Harvest Moon AU:

I don't really have much written down about this. A majority of what I have was typed on my private Twitter and I don't really have time to go digging for it. If anyone's interested I can go looking for it.

Herrscher Tesla AU:

CW for death + Joachim potentially killing Tesla.

I'll go more in depth when I finally answer your original ask, but here's some of it.

During the second eruption Einstein was killed during the battle with Sirin, causing Tesla to lose it. Her anger, sadness, confusion, and grief consumed her causing her to become the third herrscher of the CE. I was thinking potentially the HoT? But I'm not so sure about it. I also thought about maybe having her take the HoR core, but I don't really think it'd work since the 301 (I'm counting Welt in there) souls have to approve of whoever they're going to.

She'd fight with the mechs, as well as her and Einsteins robots. I'm thinking she'd probably be wearing some kind of black mourning gown mixed with her black dress from the VN. I also think references to Einstein would be prominent, as well as subtler references to Elias, Reanna, Joyce, Schrodinger, and Planck.

Anyways she went on a rampage, swearing to destroy Schicksal and anyone working for them, and eventually her and Joachim fought. Her mind was so messed up by her grief and the honkai taking over her that she didn't really process who exactly it was she was fighting. He was still hurt at this point, not to mention still dealing with Sirin, and he was essentially paralyzed with fear.

I had a horrible idea that during their fight towards the end Joachim called out 'big sister Tesla' similar to what he called her in the VN, managing to make her flinch long enough to stop her from continuing her rampage.

I haven't decided if she died yet or not, but I'm not going to lie I think she probably would. The anger, grief, and the years worth of trauma are things Honkai feeds on, and Tesla just lost the most important person in her life. She gets badly injured during the fight, and at the end Joachims probably the only one by her side as she dies in the snow.

TLDR Joachim loses both his moms. Rip.

[eclown4hire]

hi please rant about your enstars sports au 👉👈

Hi anon, you've unleashed my Autism Powers. Behold: My Rant.

Popping this under a read me because it’s a little long!

Some general setting notes:

- All characters are a little aged up in this AU! Each unit is apart of their own university team/general sports team (unrelated to uni). Every character is roughly around 2 years older than canon! :)

- Anzu is the manager of the UNDEAD team!

UNDEAD STUFF:

- Rei is the setter and the captain! He's incredibly strategic, but he cannot actually play on court for long due to his condition. However, when he gets swapped out -- he still observes from the sidelines and helps his team formulate strategies. If you've watched HQ!!, I would say his situation is similar to that of Kenma? Brilliant mind but gets tired easily: as well tending to get targeted much heavier by enemy teams due to this! But UNDEAD has developed a defensive strategy when it comes to situations like that! The rest of UNDEAD are very in tune with Rei's needs and know how to help him as much as they can. They're good buddies!!!

- Kaoru is the libero! He originally joined for credit and nothing more. He wasn't taking it very seriously in the beginning; but he slowly learned that he really enjoyed the sport (as well as his buddies.) He tends to make comments asking to go easy on him: (i.e 'Don't hit the ball too hard at me, okay?) but he puts his all into his games. I think he realised how much he really loved it and was valuable to the team when Koga ranted at him in that Special Anime Sports Show Way (you know the way) one time and kicked his ass in gear. I love Koga and Kaoru friendship so I'm shoving it in -- sorry not sorry.

- Adonis is a middle blocker! I thought this would be cute because he's always mentioning being the 'protector of the weak' and stuff like that -- So I put him as a MB! He's an incredibly competent middle blocker, who originally focussed mainly on blocks that were more to assist his team! Stuff like soft blocking. However he's been developing a killer stuff block lately (That's when you angle your hands in such a way that the intent is to kill the ball and slam it back into the hitters court rather than rebounce it) under the guiding hands of Rei! He's still more of a defensive blocker than aggressive, but he's slowly building up this skills :] Him and Koga are very close friends here, as well!

- Koga is a wing spiker and the ace of the team. He easily has the most stamina out of the whole team. He hits hard and he hits fast. He tends to get worked up however; and easily falls for taunts. He's the one who probably practises the most! Always dragging one of the other three into practice; he's always striving to improve. He and Rei have known each other for a long time and are the only ones out of the group to have known each other prior to the club. I see them more as silly brothers in this AU, because that's the dynamic that's most fun for me personally between them. He's very good friends with Ritsu as well! Their matches versus Knights is always one to watch because of that. He tends to feel insecure because he feels as though he is getting left behind his other teammates -- and that's why he practises so much.

If you're after more detail -- I'd be happy to provide! But I figured I would focus on UNDEAD for now considering I haven't um. Drawn the others yet. but they do Exist in My Mind.

I can say the positions of some units I know for sure tho!

Crazy B: Rinne (Setter + Captain), Niki (Libero), HiMERU (MB), Kohaku (Wing Spiker)

(Note about crazy:B : They always make sure to have plenty of bananas for Niki to eat when he needs them!!)

Alkaloid: Hiiro (Wing Spiker + Captain), Tatsumi (Middle Blocker, very good at defense), Aira (Setter) (?? unsure about this though.) and Mayoi (Libero)

Ra*bits: Nazuna (Libero), Tomoya (Wing spiker + Pinch Server perhaps), Hajime (Setter) and Mitsuru (Middle blocker) (Imaging him similar to Hinata Shoyou!)

Others are still in the Oven -- But if you had any specific Units you wished to know about, feel free to ask!!!

[sillyandquiteawkward]

Haiii I wrote a big essay on the Bayley family a while ago but I'm still insane about them so I'm assigning them pigeons I think they'd be based purely on vibes

Artemus – Strasser pigeon

The very reason I wanted to start this was because I was reading up on the smartest pigeons in the world, and lo and behold, it fits VERY WELL with our good (?) Doctor Bayley. Strasser pigeons are one of the most intelligent birds out there, being able to easily observe patterns and formulate extensive escape plans even under stress, with one of the websites I was reading about them in saying "From the moment they hatch, these [birds] are likely thinking about how to escape from their nest", which is just the Artemus mood ever. I like to think this bird is a side project for Dr. Bayley to relax from the Other, Bigger projects, but then he ends up attached much like every other project he does <3

Octavia – King pigeon

For Octavia I wanted to go with a primarily 'utilitarian' bird, given her workaholic tendencies and need to show off how good at working she is, and Kings perfectly fit that description because they are the show offs of the pigeon world. They can be used for racing, messaging AND for therapy, which I think would be right up Octavia's alley in terms of . Everything. She could use a fluffy feathery friend in my head and these guys are great for anything you need them to be, and also very clever if you're willing to spend some time teaching them stuff. Octavia is the kinda gal who would probably go to beauty competitions with her bird in my head (because 1 her bird is the prettiest one and 2 she would like to win thank you very much) <3

Ignatius – Lahore pigeon

I chose Lahore for Ignatius because I remember seeing you talk about once how he's the most 'successful' one out of the Bayleys despite not being as practical so to speak, and that immediately made me think about this breed of pigeons. Not only is their contrast really nice and fitting for a sleek personality like Ignatius, but they are also one of the most popular pigeon species in the world, praised for their beauty, sociability, and high adaptability rates compared to other such birds– much like Iggy is 2 me <3

Sorry for no pics im. Shy but you can look em up and tell me if I got it teehoo

omg hiiiiiii ilu. speaking of the bayleys and pigeons. they are pigeons in my wing au. ouhg this art feels so old (four years ago)

my thoughts about this is i wanted art to be a common pigeon, bc hes got that little bit of iridescence that is akin to him thinking hes hot shit. i cant remember what breed oct was, but she was just a light brown pigeon type, maybe shes not as flashy but gets stuff done. and i wanted iggy to be very very plain, but pretty in his own right as a white dove (peace love etc)

but i really like the species you picked out too!! i really like the idea that the bayleys keep pigeons, i think that pairs well with their trading company background.

i think art could get really into breeding pigeons and he would tend to the smarter breeds i think, although hes not terribly fond of cleaning up after animals. the delight of genetics could just outweigh the animal care. hed have fun drawing them too. old man sits on his clinic rooftop next to his birds when the insomnia hits but his brain wont let him Work on his science. also would pair well with the thought hed breed animal test subjects :(

i think oct would like the utility of the king pigeons, but she wouldnt bother to raise the birds herself at all. thats not in her wheelhouse to care about, but shed still call all the company birds HER birds, even if she didnt raise and care for them. she knows all their names (as a good leader should) and probably has a strong affection for just one in particular. definitely a fan of the prettiest/most useful bird of the bunch.

ooo and i really like the lahore for iggy, they kind of also just Look like him with its long feet feathers and different shape. [ignatius voice] i just think their neat (hiding how much he relates to them)! iggy would be the one to be arms deep in the flock at all times (oh to escape paperwork and management by hiding in the barn with the animals (not to mention sending off the carrier pigeons and watching them leave with a bit of yearning)

[clatoera]

Hi! I just saw your reply from the anon asking about your thg story! I'm not usually one to send asks or even post on tumblr (never was tbh), but this just hit so close I felt the need to say, me too! That's why I followed you initially, I just gasped at your bio and thought "there's more people like me on here!" and pressed follow!

I too was that insufferable 14 year old. I could not get away with wearing any form of braided hairstyle without being teased that I was trying to be Katniss (I probably was half the time haha). My friends, family, school teachers, everyone knew I was obsessed with the Hunger Games.

It fizzled out gradually for me too. I think it was just the natural progression with the films coming to an end etc etc. It never left though, obviously.

I re read the books before reading the prequel. I'm so with you on these books being a whole different experience now that we're closer to Finnick's age than Katniss and Peeta's. 16 seemed so so old to me, so imagine what i thought of characters like Finnick and Johanna. I can't even comprehend having gone through something like they did at my age now, let alone at 16.

I think back then, the main draw for me was definitely Katniss and Peeta's relationship. It still is one of my favourite things about the books, but after rereading them and the prequel, I agree that there is so much we missed, just by simply being too young to fully comprehend it. I find that I now have a larger interest in the political scope of everything and just the world in general (like...how tf did they rebuild the whole country after mockingay? need to discuss!!)

anyway, sorry for the long "ask". i'm so excited to see another tumblr returner on here! i've been coming back every so often to get content for other things i love, and have only recently taken the plunge and become a little more active.

I suppose there is a sense of shame a lot of us were made to feel about liking the things we like and coming on the internet to form passionate communities around it. I feel the same, it very much is a service to my teen self to come on here and find joy in rediscovering the things I love as well as using this site to explore my new interests. A reclamation, I suppose. I'm a bit more confident now. Back then, I would never, ever have sent asks or made my own posts. I think my 14 year old self is very happy for me, for this little

hope you're having a good day/night, whatever time, where ever you are in the world! :)

Hi hello! I read this as soon as it came in this morning, and wanted to respond, but wanted to be sure to give it the enthusiastic and lengthy response it deserved, that my brain could not formulate at 4 am when I read it.

I am so glad others feel the same. I remember in the early days, I was on Tumblr ( my main blog has existed since 2012 lol), but not active in fandom spaces. I was a fanfic writer. And on Facebook I was REALLY active in fandom and was literally participating in like..Hunger Games RP in Facebook comments. Wild. I was so into it.

Whats really settled with me, as a 25 year old woman, is like..the way mentors had to feel. My baby brother is 17 years old. He is a baby to me. He is just a child to me. I cannot imagine being Johanna or Finnick or Annie, mentoring at my age (or younger, actually), to kids my brothers age. Teenagers feel like Kids and I feel such an immense sisterly, guiding, mentor-ly role to them. Even college kids, I've been a mentor for pre-medicine students in my sorority for years, and those 18 year olds vs me, at 25? massive difference. I cannot imagine watching someone my little brother's age fight to the death. I cannot imagine someone my baby cousin's age, who is 12, fighting someone my brother's age. I cannot imagine watching someone my brother's age lead a war, lead a rebellion, and go through the things Katniss does. I can only imagine the horrors the past Victors learned to feel, and the emotions attached to their tributes every year.

more things that I am horrified by?

Katniss and Peeta. 16 years old. About to be MARRIED in the Capitol.

Gale, 18, working in the mines.

Again, Katniss and Peeta, with the (albeit fake) baby. 17 with a child? I remember being 16 years old, my best friend in the world had a baby. I was there. I remember watching her become a mother far too young, and I have watched ever since the way she has struggled and what it did to her mental health. Two 16/17 year old kids, having a baby, is a horror that should be addressed beyond what I at 16 thought it was. I was so team yes let there be a baby! as a child. But now? Now I see the horror of that. I Have delivered the babies of girls that age. I have held their hands as they are alone in the world. I'm going into a field specifically to help girls and women, in this position especially.

I think to that letter Plutarch wrote Katniss, where he literally says he would put her all through it again for the same outcome.

The youth of these tributes is haunting. If there were capitol doctors around they would be pediatricians. Let that sink in. The things these Victors would need is a pediatrician (also a psychiatrist and a surgeon probably).

Please message me (anyone can actually to talk about this) to talk about these things. The hidden horrors that are missed at 15, that stare you in the face as you reexamine as an adult. I'd love to talk about it in depth. I'd love to talk about how it has shaped me.

But seriously HMU because I want to talk about that most mockingjay rebuilding :)

[courtofmatchups]

I’m genuinely curious to see who I would get(you can be honest dw 💀) so can I please get a matchup? (Not Jasper tho 😟)

Also I’m really sorry if this is horrible at explaining-

I would say I’m a nice person and when I first meet people or don’t know others I’m pretty quiet but after the first few times I’m pretty chill

I tend to think more logically more often then not unless I’m with my friends and having fun then I sometimes forget

I’m willing to learn things though it takes me a few(hundred /j) times to memories things but all in all I memorize things somewhat quickly after some practice

I’m a great listener and I enjoy writing and sometimes even reading and on a rare occasion drawing(even though it sucks-), I also very much enjoy making up scenarios for random writing prompts/stories and I even imagine myself in them haha

I like sweets but I don’t eat them much

I like jokes and pranks(particularly doing them) and I even find it funny to scare people(it happens unintentionally like 90% of the time 💀) sometimes(I do it rarely tho)

I’m actually pretty quiet some(like 50%) of the time and people have actually forgotten I’m there so ig that’s another thing LMAO

I really like kids and am not that bad at taking care of some. Kids also like me a lot of the time(I chase them around and they find it funny)

I’ve been described as chaotic fun by friends and I’m also a hugger after I get to know people enough haha(I also have a tendency to jokingly steal things from my friends like their glasses and hats and put them on then run when they try and get them back LMAO)

I don’t have a single coherent thought in my head

Absolutely none /hj ( ˊ̱˂˃ˋ̱ )

I’m sorry if this is bad please take your time-

(´°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥ω°̥̥̥̥̥̥̥̥｀)

It seems you have captured the heart of

The Devious Libertine

Fenn Luxure!

Fenn, Fenn, Fenn. It seems he met his match when he first became friends with you. He likes that you seem like a nice person, and as he grew closer to you he came to appreciate the chaos you bring. Heck, he'll even join you in it. Expect to play pranks on each other and on your friends

Fenn likes the fact that you are such a good listener and will enjoy talking to you. Also, he likes the fact that you like to write, too. Your process of formulating these stories is fascinating to him, and perhaps he might even ask for your input when he decides to write a new novel.

Now, if being good with kids isn't simpable as hell to Fenn, He doesn't know what is. He'd probably see you reading to some kids at a local library or something to that equivalent, and the way the kids are totally entranced by you is something he'd never tire of seeing

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

Writer's block. It's every writer's worst enemy. Now here Fenn is, slumped at his desk at his mental limit. Sitting around idly won't get the creative juices flowing, so he decides to see you.

Fenn: Treeaasuure~

You: Hey, Fenn. What's up?

Fenn: I am incredibly bored right now, and I would like your company

You: ...Writer's block?

Fenn nods

You: Let's go into town together. Maybe going out will help you clear your mind

Fenn: A capital idea! Actually, there's a new import of wine from Luxure, let's get some

Your day in town was a fun one to be sure. Some children you had read to had come up to you. They caught up with you and Fenn to chat a little bit. The way their eyes lit up as they spoke to the two of you made Fenn smile a little bit. It was simply small talk, but he felt something spark in his mind

Soon your conversation ended and the children's parents came to pick them up, and then the two of you headed on your way to get a bottle of wine to share.

You made some more stops to shop for some things before going back to the academy. Fenn had an idea for a storyline with a character based on you, so he asked you to help him "act out the plot" if you will.

Thanks to your help, he was able to actually write out the story. After a few months of drafting, his new novel came to print, and it seems like it was becoming quite the hit. This was a victory he dedicates to you

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

[dashielldeveron]

Oh it’s, so logical and empathetic and nonsensical to immediately check, run away, and then throw yourself into fixing the solution, so you simultaneously run away and solve the issue. This. I love where this is going. And he’s so. He’s so. I’m wrecked by the tenderness of the moment my heart is in my throat

I wish this was more cohesive but my thoughts are so scattered by how incredibly insane you are for writing this well. Oh my god.

-✨

(going to combine some of your asks into this one to help me keep track of the order that they were sent in)

(2) You don’t understand the switch between explaining that the soulmate bond was theirs in this life for a reason and that he cared to explore it to ‘I’ve been really into soft cheeses’ and going into himself is killing me. I’m dead. I’m. I’m not here.

(3) I will say, that I’m Pakistani, and since I’ve made chai since I was. I wanna say 8 or 9? We’ve always put brown sugar into the chai, sort of a requirement really. And you can add more or less depending on your preference. I usually add more. Though we do add milk to chai? That’s also sort of a requirement. But I do add sugar to regular tea if I’m not feeling the bitterness at the moment This wasn’t necessary but I wanted to share

(4) That lotus flower thing is terrifying me by the way, what a bit of, foreshadowing? Is the grief for the other lives? Have we already passed it? Or am I being hopeful.

(5) The tiny detail of Monoma knitting after the mention of learning it way earlier because of the socks issue? I think I love you

(6) I’m like genuinely dizzy. Here are some notes I took as I read It’s unfair that he feels the soulmate bond so immensely just for an argument, I like being mad when I’m mad. Maybe I’m just petty. Also, the cat. Can’t like him more. Absolutely not. Dear god His analysis of the frappe thing is also destructive to my heart he can’t keep doing this. It’s devastatingly inevitable he finds this lurker account. (I’m glad he didn’t couldn’t handle it) He’s so unfairly perfect, the sun analysis was gorgeous, because people really don’t like categorical good, it’s boring. I’ve always really appreciated the standard MC, with the regular morality of good, because there has to be so much strength to be able to be good, yknow? Because also that moment when she accepted the sun analogy is. I’m gonna sob. I am also extremely hung up on how all of them are in love with her. I can’t handle that. I feel like crying Ok the way they all knew is killing me but also I appreciate their reassurance and yeah familial and platonic love is enough I’m going to. Cause it won’t destroy their happiness but it is. Certainly. See, and. I can’t quite. It would be fine if in another life they were soulmates but it’s quite another thing entirely that they in this life adore her and potentially could have been fits. But I’m so over it. Truly. Devastating. I’m dizzy. The moment when he hung up the dress and then. I’m so unwell. You’re too incredible.

(7) I’m literally not gonna recover. Ever? Oh my god I wanna drown myself with your imagination and swim in a lake of just your works. I can’t do this

>:)

izuku is so. he's so. unfortunately he's the extreme of many things, and that makes him so tempting to throttle >:)

his brain is always going a million miles an hour in a hundred different directions!!!! he's thinking too much!!! it probably makes perfect logical sense for him to jump from "this soulmate bond is between us in this timeline for a reason" to "soft cheeses good," because he's got so much going on in his brain!!! weirdo <3

ooh!!! legit i haven't ever considered putting brown sugar in tea, so i know what i'm trying tomorrow morning!!! i had the classic superwholock british-culture phase at a formulative time for me, so i admit my tea knowledge/preparation is mostly british stuff, even though i'm an american. so it's really cool to hear about chai prep from you!!! i love learning about tiny, daily routine stuff!!! the little joys are also divine <3

ah, the flower symbolism. yeah. foreshadowing. i was thinking just for this particular route, but if you like it better if it applies to every route, then of course it can be!!! and terrible news for shinsou in this route :( i love the man; he's so sexy to me when he's in Agony

monoma knitting 👉👈 i love stupid little details like this, because it makes everyone feel realer. i can picture monoma being like "i want my socks done right, so i'll just do it myself" and then when he's angry at someone in the party, he gives them shittily made stuff. a petty boy. a perfect boy

lololol i don't even wanna THINK about izuku finding reader's lurker account. 1) he'd prob deduce it's her bc she's posting edits with personal picture in them and 2) the soft cheeses. and i bet he wouldn't be upset or weirded out but be like "oh, you like my nipples that much?? why don't you come show me how much instead of telling people online" asjk;ldfa;ldfj but real talk he'd prob also examine how reader and other people are talking about him and use it to improve how physically attractive he can seem to you. menace. menace!

yeah some people think good is boring??? evil is boring!!! evil is ultimately the same!!! good is ingenuitive and constantly problem-solving!!! good is clever and always changing!!! and izuku is always adapting to whatever fucken thing he's on next. love it.

they 😈 all 😈 love her 😈 how horrible 😎 it's great that you can't handle it!!! no one in fic could!!!! i wouldn't be able to!!! i hope you can swim in this fic for a while and that it brings you joy/dizziness in the days to come!!! you're very sweet, and i adore your enthusiasm; you've really made my week. you're so kind, especially to come back after my embarrassingly long gaps between posting chapters!!! i love this!!! i love you!!!! thank you soooooo much for being so wonderful, and i hope your day is peaceful!!!! xx.

[strangeanomelly]

I've been ruminating about starting over.

Over the past little while, I've noticed myself slip into the comfort of the big black cloud, and while it has been not helpful, nor comfortable, I have been stewing in the shadows of it. I let it completely take over my life and I know it's probably the worst thing I could have done, I blanketed it with the excuse of winter blues, and isolation "to recharge".

I went out yesterday to run errands and I didn't like the feeling of being away from my comfort zone, from my home. I hated it. I felt lost, numb and shook with anxiety. I took the 3 steps down at the mall and nearly collapsed as my legs felt like they were giving out. I know that I haven't been exercising for the past couple months and I can feel myself having less muscle than I've ever had and it's enough to make me realize that I really do need to go out more or at least move more but that's besides the current point I'm attempting to make. I know that if I had fallen, it probably would have been added to the list of traumas I've experienced (or let myself experience) and it would have been 5 steps back on my road to recovery. I'm already several steps behind, adding more would set me back much further than I anticipated.

There were some highlights though: I managed to snag a book that I've been staring at for months, and for less than $20 (about $15), which is also a bargain for a newly popular book. I went to the food court, got myself some a regular "the works" poutine from New York Fries, and sat down to read alone. My body felt frozen to the chair I was sitting in, but I managed to be in the public for a decent amount of time.

(For those wondering, the book is "Lessons in Chemistry" by Bonnie Garmus.)

So far, a recommended read. I haven't went further than the first couple of chapters, so I can't really formulate a decent opinion, but I will say that it has brought back my thirst for getting into a good book, and that's a definitely positive thing to add to an otherwise anxiety-filled, mentally exhausting day. A silver lining, if you will.

I am not currently cold, yet I have chills running up and down my body while I write this. If anyone has a reasonable explanation for it, I'd love to hear it. I guess for now I'll have to deal with it and push forward because these words need to be released.

So why have I decided to start a new blog-ish journal thing?

Well..

A few weeks ago, I spoke to a friend of mine after a particularly nasty spout of splitting, that writing in a journal would probably be more productive than spilling my guts out to another person. Especially if those thoughts are fleeting and sometimes irrational. I couldn't fathom the possibility of actually writing in a journal at the time, and when I did, I thought that it might be easier to pretend that my entries were towards another person, like a "dear, so and so". I figured that it might be easier to communicate my thoughts this way. The only difference would be that it would be aimed at them, but not necessarily for them. This way, I'd be able to communicate as effectively as I can, without the chance of changing the nature of the relationship I have with said person, or making it too personal towards them. I wanted to avoid just constantly spilling my problems to this person or cause me to lose yet another friendship I've come to enjoy having in my life. I want to be able to live my life honestly and open-minded, but I also don't want to exhaust people with my mental illness.

So, I finally pushed myself to start a blog. Or a journal. Or... something. I don't know what this is going to be yet, but I do know that I'll push myself to be honest at least, and strive for consistency.

I'm hoping that it will aid in my recovery. Or at the very least, improve my moods enough to be able to feel a slight bit of normalcy.

Or, aid in the processing of my emotions and thoughts and be a burden to the anonymous side of the internet, other than the people in my life that I would like to keep. Even the most loyal of people get tired of the BS.

So this it it. A hope that I can resonate with the random people of the internet, while also dumping out the random thoughts in my brain to hopefully make room for more positive thoughts, uplifting thoughts, or at least more productive thoughts that as a result, make me a better friend, or better person as a whole.

Wish me luck!

[pazodetrasalba]

One from the Heart

Dear Caroline:

I finished your book recommendation yesterday. As it usually happens, it has grown on me, although I am still of two minds about it. Even though making a review is a judgmental act at its essence, Rosenberg will have to forgive me as I give my thoughts and evaluations about its contents.

On the plus side, I feel like this is a book with a strong kernel of truth in it, and one that I am going to try to apply in my relationships. Not much can go wrong from trying to be empathetic and generous to others - my own natural inclinations point in this way anyway, although it would never have occurred to me to go along this path of detecting emotion - formulating need and request, and of trying to read others so intently.

I can also guess (there's the thinking again!) about why you would it so likeable in spite of the woo wishy-washiness it conveys at times. At the core, the book is pretty utilitarian: avoid judgements, avoid anger at the breaking of moral rules, avoid categorizing.

Phrasing the good more in NVC language: when I read this book, I feel happy and moved because I have a need of giving and being given to from the heart, empathically.

But I also have some misgivings about it. Besides the lack of non-subjective evidence presented (this is, after all, a self help book, nor a scientific paper), I think my biggest gripe is similar to yours. My intuition is that NVC probably works very well at the individual and/or small group level (modulo developing lots of empathy and patience towards others, and making conversations like x10 longer) but it probably doesn't scale up well. Once you are in a complex community beyond some numbers threshold with different time constraints and opportunity costs for efficiency, there is just going to be a significant chunk of people who you can't reasonably expect to persuade and bring over to this within a realistic framework and time-constraint. One can't do without rules. Going even deeper, I feel like I do not share the axiomatic principles about human nature that Rosenberg is building his foundations on. My unscientific take would be something like this: yes, we have some predisposition to empathy and connection (we are a social animal after all), but that frequently conflicts with a deeper-rooted instinct for self-preservation and advancement, with the whole of human history being a dialectic of these two. Some people can be really disinterested in extinguishing the fires of the ego, but most won't until human nature experiences a substantial change.

While pondering on this I was reminded a little bit of Confucianism, which has some nice bits I enjoy. One of its core tenets is a belief in de, a sort of charismatic auctoritas that arises from being really morally virtuous and others consequently following you and behaving better in your company as a result. Confucianism's political utopia is for the most virtuous to rule, and ideally, for him or her to be able to skew all forms of coercion and potestas. In practice, though, even the most Confucians have had to rely heavily on some degree or other on the stick.

There are other things you mention in passing that I also think about, like the way its seems to exonerate wrongdoers (that's the deontologist speaking in me, but you yourself touched upon this. Some actions are so violent and traumatizing that you can't really expect me to avoid establishing a necessary link between action suffered and feeling. Rosenberg is too stoic for my taste). As for conflicts in needs, the implicit corollary for me is something like 'very subtly shaming the other until one of you is willing to empathize a bit more and accept putting one of the conflicting needs (his or hers) in the waiting line'. Or a trial by exhaustion. I am sure you could illustrate some of the book's limitations through economic and game theory ideas.

Still, I don't want to end on a sour note. I genuinely liked the book and am pondering about its message. I think it's at least partially right in its advice to avoid prejudgments and on trying to force people to do the right thing, and that we can really open up to others when we feel listened to. And a take I will try to implement is changing my language a bit in these letters I write to you. I fear sometimes I might have sounded judgmental and essentialist, even when I was trying to be complimentary to you. I'll end by trying to phrase myself better:

When I read your posts, I feel elated, because I feel a need to connect with interesting, valuable and unusual thoughts and ideas and the people (and their needs) behind them, and to grow and challenge my preconceptions. So I am really grateful to you, Caroline, for making it possible.

[lured-into-wonderland]

So far and to large extent, her interactions with Roberto were the mixture of misunderstanding and mistrust. But as Nunnally was standing there, almost ready to leave, his words were bringing the much needed consolation. The much needed understanding of her situations. Even if it would be completely understandable if he showed none. After all it was Ravein, who Roberto should care about and -- although that was not a welcomed thought -- Nunnally started to be partially aware that she was (or might have been) a threat to Ravein’s (and Roberto’s alike) well-being. Or perhaps even more importantly their safety.

“I understand…” – she said softly – “I have no plans to enforce myself onto Ravein. I am going to give him all the time and all the space he needs.” – she hesitated a bit unsure if her next words would not get misunderstood. Especially that they were neither well-formulated nor well-thought. Rather a feeling, a small work of intuition, a fear? – “I need to remember that I don't know entirely who I am and I don't understand exactly what that can imply…but...but I understand I might be a problem. Not even with what I do, but what I am. Or what I am not. Or what my family is.” – a smile, but not a happy one; rather a smile that she often used to cover how non-confident, how insecure, she was – “I am sorry. I am not sure myself what I am trying to say.”

“And of course Ravein can text me or contact me in any other way he likes. I…I don’t mind. I would appreciate it either way.” – a small laugh – “I actually think we got on pretty well when neither of us was talking too much. But I guess I cannot keep quiet for too long…” – or at least when I should keep my mouth shut. Nunnally promised herself to do better next time. Both with Ravein (if there was next time with him, which she doubted at that very moment) or more general in her life. She should be more careful. Less open. More secretive. Less trusting. And she should be hiding her thoughts and feelings. Was that what her new life was all about? Hiding and pretending?

That very thought made the tears gathered in the corners of her eyes. But she did not want Roberto to see them. She bowed her head: --

“Thank you for everything.” – and left walking home. She knew she could get admonished for her little escapade and she suddenly felt bad about leaving home at night. Without leaving a proper notice. Probably she got the guards in trouble. Or perhaps no-one noticed and she’d be able to return silently into her bed and her bedroom? She did not know but she was to find out soon…

-- [Time Skip] --

Nunnally was sitting on the bench in the park, feeding the swans still contemplating her meetings with Ravein.  As expected he didn't come. Nor contacted her. But perhaps she shouldn't have expected that within a week? That was probably too short time. She had had no issues sneaking in as well. No-one seemed to notice she was missing or perhaps – as she was more willing to assume at that moment – her father had decided to let it slip and give her a chance to do better. No matter what that was she decided to take a chance she was given (she got her lesson after all, didn’t she?) and simply do better.

It was a nice and a bright day. She was wearing a summer flowery dress and a sweater tied around her hips. When the food she brought for the birds finished, she decided to have walk to the nearby café to grab a drink. She was lazily moving around the pond, and then along another park lane that was close to the street just outside the park, when she noticed him. Ravein. He seemed like reading his book and not noticing her. Or at least pretending he did not. She was sure he did. Nunnally had to fight her urge to simply run to him with a cheerful hello. But this time she knew better. Or was it really better? She stood there a bit undecided to what to do, but she was also confident that she should not be drawing any attention to them. So, she simply pretended she got interested in some plant with beautifully blooming flowers. That would let him time to make him decision to approach her or to ignore her. It was now Ravein’s decision. Unfortunately, in a way. As all she could do was waiting.

She took out her phone and made a photo. Putting the phone back to her purse, she had an idea. An idea that might not the smartest, but Nunnally needed to, wanted to show Ravein that she still cared and was waiting for him to…come back? She took the small bunny (that she was now carrying with her rather often) and waved with it towards Ravein's direction. It would be difficult for the outside viewers – she believed – to recognize if she was waving to him or to any other strollers. And then she simply sat on the nearly bench waiting patiently for Raven to make his decisions.

(“Please come.”) – she was thinking but decided to simply accept it if he decided not to…

It certainly was a lot to take in all at once, to which, Roberto could sympathize. It took him quite some time to let the outcome of his cousin to sink in. He vaguely understood that something was going on with his cousin when he had to live in hiding, and he’d assumed that perhaps his family had been on the run, hence the lacking in contact for years on end. Choosing to stay positive, he waited and waited, but no word ever came. It was hard to pinpoint exactly when it became impossible to ever hear from his cousin again, but he could only hope that wherever he was, he was watching over his son along with his wife in heaven.

Though, given what Ravein had gone through, maybe it was better that they weren’t watching over him. Roberto didn’t have any children of his own, but he could only imagine what it would feel like to watch your child suffer because of you needlessly.

Knowing that Nunnally had asked Ravein one of those touchy subject questions, he could understand why Ravein seemed more sensitive tonight, as he was already on edge. “You didn’t know, and it’s understandable that you would be curious about it.” He tries to console her. It was human nature to be curious about things, especially in those around you. He couldn’t deny the fact that if he were in her shoes, he may have asked the same thing. He had the advantage of already having been told what had happened by the young woman that came to find him earlier in the year. It was frightening to know that your cousin and his wife had passed on and that their son was being made to work as an assassin by the Mafia. The emotional and physical scars were evident from the first night he’d seen Ravein.

“Relationships are such that even if it may be difficult if you’ve gotten off on the wrong foot to begin with, but if you continue to try, some good may come of it. Of course, that’s assuming you maintain respectful boundaries.” If the other party didn’t wish to form a connection, persisting would be a further offense. If Ravein chose to not see Nunnally again, it was quite simple for him to avoid her altogether. It was truly up to his mood and his willingness to give another chance that would determine if she’d ever see him again.

Taking the number, he glosses it over. “Ravein is a literal fellow. He’ll take whatever you say to heart, black and white. Can he instead contact via written communication, like texting or email? He’s not much of a talker.” That is, in general. The funny thing being that if you brought up the fact you’d like him to speak verbally, he’d keep that in mind. A truly difficult guy to deal with at times, but he couldn’t fault the young man for how he’d turned out. What socialization did he have when he was younger? What kind of traumas was he fostering? It was hard to blame him for being different.

Despite all that had happened, the fact remained that Roberto and Ravein may not have had the chance to meet if not for Nunnally’s assistance, albeit more of a happenchance than intentional. “Things may not have panned out well tonight, but thank you for helping him that night.” He sees her out the store, and doesn’t go back in until she’s no longer within sight. He cleans up the rest of the store before he goes to check up on Ravein.

-

[Time Skip]

-

After about a week had passed Ravein was outside in his disguise in the park. He didn’t seem to be doing much aside from reading a book, but he’d in fact been keeping an eye on the bustling crowd of people. This part of the park allowed you to see past the park and into the streets. This way, he could see how many people were walking the streets or were taking cars around the town. He was gauging how much mafia activity was going on during the day, and to which famiglia these people belonged. The majority of the people he saw were those that belonged to the old mafia famiglia he was forced to join.

As expected, they were still quite avid about finding him. They’d been going around looking high and low, even going as far as contacting some relatives about his whereabouts. Unfortunately (for them), he didn’t have any real contact with his mother’s side of the family. They had in essence sold her off when the family went bankrupt, and he had suspicions that they’d hand him over as well if the mafia came looking for him. His best bet was staying with the family on his father’s side.

They were low key and there weren’t many of them. He’d never met his grandparents as they had already passed away when his father was young. He lost all contact with his siblings from strained relations. The only one his father kept in somewhat contact with was a distant cousin. Even then they didn’t have direct contact with each other, so the famgilia hadn’t been able to source Roberto yet.

Perhaps it was only a matter of time before they find him and locate Ravein. They were looking to leave the country to start anew elsewhere. Ravein had been waiting for documentation to arrive so he could escape with a different identity. In the daylight hours, he staked out what paths the mafia liked to take in order to formulate the optimal pathing to escape undetected.

[collecting-stories]

Inventory - Daryl Dixon

Request: you can write anything tbh! just something small and sweet, if you don’t mind :) (daryl anon)

A/N: This is honestly just random established relationship fluff or something.

The Walking Dead Masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰ ✰ ✰

You weren’t entirely sure that you liked Alexandria. It felt like someone had captured the old world in a time capsule and you were viewing all the things that you had forgotten about. Shower pressure and hot water and actual running water weren’t things that you took for granted and you’d practically cried in the bathroom when the toilet flushed but all the other parts felt uncomfortable. Like clothing that didn’t fit you anymore. You weren’t Daryl, waiting with his hand on a gun for the moment everything went to shit, but you certainly weren’t about to done a cardigan and act like a soccer mom getting ready for a bake sale either. You would let Carol handle the assimilating and gossip. Or at least the former, the latter, you couldn’t escape.  

“I wouldn’t’ve pegged him as your type.” Olivia mentioned, hellbent on making inventory a gossip session.  

“What?” You looked away from the open garage door to where Olivia was stacking cans of corn and writing down their number in her composition book.  

“Daryl. I noticed you watch him a lot...is that like, you guys got a thing going on or you just looking?” She asked.  

You paused in your rearranging of cans to look back out the garage door again. Daryl was across the street talking to Aaron and Michonne and you tried to formulate an answer that made sense for Olivia and for you. She hadn’t technically asked if you were ‘together’ (that ominous word that felt so weighty when you said it to yourself) but she was definitely asking for a definition. Were you more than friends, absolutely. That wasn’t even something you needed to think about. You certainly weren’t sharing beds with your friends the way you did with Daryl. But he’d never given any definition to your togetherness and somehow, even defining it felt like such an archaic thing. Another piece of the old world pulled from the time capsule.  

“I mean...” you shrugged, “both I guess?” There was a thing, for lack of a more concrete term, but you also liked looking at him a whole lot. You’d been enjoying looking at him for a while now and sometimes on the road you’d thought, if something happened, who would you look for in a crowd. It wasn’t just that you liked the view, it was that feeling of something that anchored you into the moment, made your head a little less dizzy, made all this more bearable.  

“I guess he’s not bad looking.” Olivia laughed a little, her cheeks reddening at the thought and you wanted to agree. He most certainly was not bad looking. And you had told him so plenty of times, in the privacy of your own room. “He doesn’t seem very...” she paused, looking over at you as if she had caught herself speaking out of turn.  

Small talk and social etiquettes felt like something you’d left behind too, far too used to being direct with people. It almost felt odd for her to be so unforthcoming.  

“Friendly?” You asked. She didn’t need to say it for you to know what she was thinking. It seemed to be a consensus throughout Alexandria. The community had differing opinions about all of you but the one thing they all agreed on was Daryl’s lack of acceptable behavior. He wasn’t particularly friendly with any of them (aside from Aaron maybe) and he acted more like a caged animal than someone who was grateful for shelter and protection.  

“Uh, yeah.” Olivia nodded, pink cheeks staining darker, “I mean, I’m sure he talks to you, of course...it’s just, I’ve never found him to be particularly...warm.”  

Warm, you felt like the word echoed in your mind once she said it. You’d never really spent too much time thinking about the way you would describe Daryl, he was just, himself, and that was it. You didn’t linger on what he was, what you expected him to be. Even if you didn’t ever think of yourselves as ‘together’ you knew exactly what you were.  

You thought about offering up a defense for him, explaining that he was warm. He was being wrapped in a blanket on a cold night or feeling the sun on your shoulders in the early morning. It wasn’t something you considered often, that you felt like you needed to name, but you knew it right away. The words came on the tip of your tongue, like you’d been waiting to think them. But you didn’t get the chance.  

Daryl came up the driveway while you were staring at him and the softest of smiles graced your features as you watched him, giving a small wave. Maybe you wouldn’t have thought about it if you hadn’t been talking to Olivia but, as Daryl held your gaze the whole up the drive, you were reminded of when you might’ve categorised his behaviour as more shy than reserved. Now it felt like he held back because he chose to, deciding what parts of himself other people got to see. When you’d first known him it was more a defense mechanism than an ordinary occurrence, and he’d never been comfortable meeting your eye.  

“Did you come to help with inventory?” You teased, already hearing the grumbled response in your mind before he said it.  

“Just passing by,” he replied, glancing over to the far corner where Olivia was still sitting, notebook open in her lap. “Morning.”

You wondered if she was scrutinising the interaction. Trying to see for herself what you saw in Daryl, as if that was possible.  

“I’ll go check to make sure we’ve got all the dry foods from upstairs.” Olivia announced, standing from her spot and bumping her chair back against the sorting table. It rattled but nothing fell over and she went so quickly out of the room she looked like she was power-walking.  

“What’s a matter with her?” Daryl asked, taking your water bottle from the ground by your chair and unscrewing the cap so he could drink some.  

“She was asking about you, weren’t your ears burning?” You joked.  

He glanced down at you, unamused, before finally taking the bait, “why’s she asking?”  

“Said I stare at you all the time.”  

“So quit staring.” He capped the water bottle and set it back in its place before fiddling with different cans on the shelves, pulling them off and reading the labels.  

“Easier said then done,” you replied, grabbing your notebook off the shelf in front of you, “besides, I don’t wanna forget what you look like.”  

“Why? You going somewhere?”  

You scrunched your nose at his words and shook your head, “no, but you are right…saw you talking to Aaron.”

“Think ya watch me just ta spy on what I’m doing.”  

“I’m right though, you two are headed out?” You asked.  

“Don’t make it something it ain’t…I’ll be back in a few days time.”  

Daryl was good at coming back when he left, you knew it from experience. He’d come back when he’d left with Merle, he’d come back when he’d left to find Beth, when he went off on his own to hunt he always came back. As sure as you were that he would leave, you were just as sure he would find his way back again. It wasn’t something you had to think about or reassure yourself of but sometimes it was easier to give in to that worst case scenario that sat in the back of your mind.  

“I know,” you said it like you were promising him, “but that’s a few days without seeing you…who am I supposed to look for?”  

Daryl set down the can of beets he was looking at and walked the short distance back to you. His hand wrapped around the end of your ponytail and he gave a gentle tug, guiding your head all the way back so you were looking straight up at him. You thought it was probably a good thing Olivia wasn’t here, she’d seemed scandalised enough at his presence in the room, you could imagine all the things she’s knock over if she saw him now, one hand holding your ponytail and the other on your neck as he leaned down and kissed you.  

It was a softer kiss than the hold implied and you considered the juxtaposition of Daryl’s softness and roughness your favorite thing about him. It’d taken a while, to see the soft bits, but now you saw them all the time. How he kissed you so comfortably, like he’d always been doing it. His tongue brushing your bottom lip almost teasingly but he pulled away before you could do more, standing back up straight and dropping his hands. He gripped the back of your folding chair and you leaned against his hand, feeling them press into the skin between your shoulder blades, bare from your tank top. You kept your head tilted back, a little more comfortably though.  

“When do you leave?” You asked, half expecting him to tell you he was headed to the gate now. Your brain still felt a little dizzy from the kiss but that was a normal occurrence.  

“Tomorrow morning.” He replied, letting go of the chair to run his knuckles along your spine. “Shouldn’t be longer than a day or two.”  

There was a quieter bumping noise and a soft curse as Olivia peeked back into the doorway, a few boxes of pasta haphazardly held in her arms. “Sorry, didn’t mean to interrupt.”  

“It’s alright,” you replied but truthfully you were just being nice. Because Daryl had already retracted his hand you felt goosebumps on your skin in his absence, as if your body was trying to chase the sensation of him.  

“Ya need help?” He asked, motioning to the boxes as she dropped them onto the sorting table.  

“Would you mind? I’ve got another laundry basket full of them to bring down here and I dropped like five on the staircase.” She explained, following after him to point them out.  

Daryl disappeared through the door, Olivia right behind him, and you went back to organising the latter half of the alphabetically arranged cans. Olivia tended to be more loose-lipped than her other Alexandria counterparts and you couldn’t help imagining her asking him questions, trying to dig out some part of a person under the cold exterior he’d given off while he was here. Searching for the warmth she thought was lacking. They weren’t gone long, Olivia’s chipper voice carrying down the stairs.  

Daryl came through first, laundry basket piled high and the slightest hint of a glare as his eyes met yours, as if you’d somehow put him up to the task of helping.  

“You can set them on the sorting table,” Olivia instructed, “I’ll go through them once I’m finished the canned goods.”  

Setting them down, Daryl just nodded in agreement. You stopped from saying you’d see him tonight, in case that information was somehow on a need to know basis. But he was obviously being less purposefully withdrawn than you’d thought because he took another sip from your water bottle before telling you the exact thing you’d been too reserved to say.  

“I’ll see ya tonight,” he promised, putting your water bottle back and giving your ponytail a playful tug before leaving back down the driveway.  

You watched after him until he turned the corner and was out of eyesight.  

“I can see why you like him so much…” Olivia finally said, getting your attention as you looked back at her.  

“What?” You asked, wondering if he’d said something to her that changed her mind.  

Her cheeks tinged pink again and she looked down at her notebook, “I wasn’t trying to spy or anything…just, you know, wanted to bring those boxes in.”  

You nodded, prompting her to continue.

“I saw him kissing you…” she let out an airy sigh, “I’d be staring at somebody all day if they kissed me like that.”  

[my-mt-heart]

TWD 11x10 “New Haunts” Review

Well, that’s funny. This episode tried to throw Donnie and Carzekiel in my face and yet somehow I still feel…secure about Caryl’s future? Does that sound backwards? Am I delusional or could it be I’ve put my faith in the right showrunner’s hands? Hmm. But in all seriousness, babes, Angela comes through once again, knowing exactly where to draw the line to preserve our understanding of Daryl’s and Carol’s characters. With that said though, I do have one bone to pick…

And here it is. I have always commended Angela for allowing the emotions to drive the story, but when it comes to this fast transition into the Commonwealth and 30-day time jump, I worry she’s fallen a little short. We know characters are being given a lot of choices this season, the choice to either stay in Alexandria or join a new, high-functioning society is a major one I’d say. To me, it just seems like all of the characters, especially the ones who took the latter option, are being thrown into this situation for the sake of honoring a predetermined plotpoint without giving enough thought into motives. What could Lance Hornsby have possibly said to convince two suspicious characters like Daryl and Carol to leave their home behind, the home Daryl not too long ago suggested was worth fighting for even if it needs to be cleaned up and the one Carol was doing everything she could to keep standing, including slaughtering a horse? Don’t get me wrong, I can formulate a few ideas. After the whirlwind Daryl experienced with the Reapers for example, he’s probably so exhausted from day-to-day survival and of course, he wants to do what’s best for Judith and RJ. As for Carol, with everything she’s suffered and endured, it’s not a stretch of the imagination to believe safety and security would be enticing to her. Maybe she wanted to remain close to Daryl. After all, the work we saw her put in throughout 11A had been for his sake in a lot of ways, hadn’t it? Plus, like, she loves him and what not. That’s the thing. I can infer all day and night, but I shouldn’t have to. For a leap this big, I think we were at least entitled to a conversation between Daryl and Carol beforehand to gauge where their heads are at, including with each other coming off a season and a half of tension. 

A reviewer said Daryl and Carol seem to be on “much better” terms in this episode, and I could not disagree more. They’re friendly with each other. Carol gives Daryl a cookie. Daryl gives Carol a smug, but cute look when he finds out she used to read a lot of tabloids (side note: of course she did). Otherwise, they’re still a little bit stiff. Daryl giving the cookie to RJ reminds me of Diverged when Carol offers her canteen and he gives the water to Dog instead. It’s not meant as a rejection, but perhaps Carol sees it that way. She’s trying to take care of him, and he’s implying he doesn’t need her. Then on Daryl’s side, he’s hearing her say “maybe we don’t need to do anything to make it work” in reference to the Commonwealth, but he could easily attribute that kind of nonchalant attitude to their relationship. This is the problem with letting too many feelings go unspoken. They’re just sitting there, festering, and I predict it’s only a matter of time before it all boils over again. 

I’m sure some are still disappointed Carol is living separately from Daryl and the kids (I blame fanfiction), but the way I see it, she is trying to establish boundaries. She is intentionally keeping herself at arm’s length because she can’t entertain the idea of a nuclear family again. After Henry, she doesn’t trust herself to be a maternal figure to Judith and RJ, and more than that, she wants to give Daryl space to find the happiness she’s certain she can’t give him. This, my friends, is where Connie factors in. 

First, let me put it out there that there is nothing explicitly romantic between Daryl and Connie throughout the entire conversation. In fact, it seems more focused on bolstering Connie’s image, emphasizing what an accomplished journalist she is for having gotten Pamela Milton’s uncle kicked out of congress way back when. Carol even gives Daryl an impressed look as if she’s trying to communicate, “hey, did you hear that? Isn’t she great? She’s great, right?” Yes, Daryl does watch Connie go and there is definitely intent to make us think he might be attracted to her, but again, it’s worth noting there’s nothing in his expression that indicates he really is. There’s no score or anything to heighten what one would expect to be an emotional milestone for Daryl’s character because the goal is to make that dynamic as innocent or unemotional as possible. I have no doubt people who ship Daryl and Connie would laugh at that and say we’re in denial. Here’s the other thing. If the show wants to reveal Daryl has feelings for Connie, why not give them a private moment? Why not at the ball where Connie, dressed very cutely, can actually give him something to stare at? The reason, I believe, is because Carol has to be able to witness everything. She is the reason this concept of Daryl and Connie is being perpetuated. Curious that Daryl’s look comes after Carol tries to point out how impressive Connie is, as if he’s trying really hard to see what Carol sees. At the same time, unbeknown to her, Carol is the thing standing in the way of it actually happening.

She might sound amused when she says, “you should ask her to dance,” and honestly, it doesn’t surprise me. As long as she assumes Daryl is better off with Connie, she's not going to let her own deeper feelings surface or even entertain the fact that there are deeper feelings. As I said in my last review, she cares far more about making sure Daryl is happy than letting herself be happy, and I think that's because she's still harboring a lot of negative feelings about herself and her worth. At one point, she even jokes to Ezekiel that she is “a lady of high caliber” to which he replies “the highest.” The look on her face afterward is heartbreaking because it’s obvious she doesn’t really believe it, so why would a good judge of character like Daryl ever believe it? Objectively, Carol is an integral part of Daryl's happiness, but internally, she believes she's a walking virus who’s only good at spreading pain, so she is using Connie as a buffer. She needs an excuse to distance herself because if she does the opposite and gets too close, she might lose Daryl. Chase him away, get him killed. Whatever form that takes, it's Carol's biggest fear. The mind is a powerful thing, and hers is definitely playing tricks on her. 

When Bonds first aired, Angela Kang commented that Carol prodding Daryl on his love life stemmed from the belief she wouldn’t make it out of the whisperer war. And I know what you’re all thinking. Well, fuck. The whisperer war is over, Carol lived through it, she made amends, and she still hates herself enough to push another woman onto Daryl? What gives? I think I’ve said before that when Daryl’s and Connie’s relationship inevitably came up again, there would have to be some sort of nuance to reflect Carol’s emotional growth since S10. Well, as I’m slowly coming to terms with, this show loves (LOVES) to bury the lead, and for that reason alone, it’s highly possible nothing is going to be clear until either Carol or Daryl confesses or they kiss or both. I’m not saying I like it. I’m just saying we should brace ourselves for it. I still maintain that Daryl will be the one to confess first, officially shutting down the notion of a romantic relationship between him and Connie and ultimately shocking not only Carol, but the fans (the ones who don’t pay attention anyway). See what I mean about a bait and switch? 

All that being said, I think Carol’s apparent supportiveness can still be explained narratively. When you look closely at what she’s actually accomplished this past season – getting the horses, feeding her people, finding Connie – you might notice that it was all done in the spirit of “fixing what she broke” for the sake of the people she cares about. She did not “fix” herself. If anything, the events that transpired since the conversation in 10x06 have probably reinforced in Carol’s mind that this isn’t possible. She can’t go back and change what she’s done. Everything is a part of her, latched onto her soul. Yes, she’s accepted she can live, but in a lot of ways, she is only living on the sidelines where she watches and waits until someone needs her. Well, if Daryl’s handling himself just fine, how can she be useful? This brings us to…Ezekiel. 

I’m going to throw out two facts that I dare anybody to challenge. Fact number one, Carol cares about Ezekiel. They were married for six years and had a child together. Come at me. Fact number two, Carol knows Ezekiel has cancer. So if I’m doing the math right, it stands to reason Carol would want to do anything she can to help her friend (her words, not mine), and in Carol’s mind, she’s not doing everything she can if she doesn’t sneak out of the city in an unexplainable way, steal fancy wine, and use it try to manipulate Lance Hornsby, someone with authority, into bumping Zeke up on the list so he can get the surgery he needs to, you know, live. It doesn’t have to mean she’s still in love with him or that a reconciliation is on the horizon, though I don’t think Angela minds one bit if anyone thinks that. What would lead anyone to think that based on this episode alone, I’m not sure. All throughout, Zeke is very focused on “finding reasons to smile” despite knowing he’s dying and as part of the acceptance phase, he’s starting to get his affairs in order. In a very cute scene, where Jerry and his family are dressed up as tigers in honor of Shiva, Zeke lets Jerry’s son have Shiva’s collar, which Jerry apparently recovered from Hilltop after it burnt down (Aww!!!) Then when Ezekiel visits Carol at her apartment, he gives her Henry’s box, implying that he’s ready to move on from the life the three of them had together. Carol leans back against his arm, but no, there is no snuggling. I very much see two people who have a history ready to try to build something positive and healthy with each other while they still can. 

It’s very interesting that Daryl’s and Carol’s relationships with other characters are being paralleled in the same episode. I know some find it frustrating that Connie and Ezekiel are being used at all to propel Caryl forward. That frustration is totally valid. I too wish we could just focus on Daryl’s and Carol’s interactions with each other in the little time we have left. But as I’ve said many times, while it’s one thing to show Daryl and Carol belong together; it is far more powerful to convey that by first showing why they can’t belong with anyone else. Again, “choices” is the big theme of the season. Connie and Ezekiel both represent choices that Daryl and Carol have, potentially very good choices. They may even get to a point where it seems impossible not to choose them, but ultimately, I think the goal is to try to subvert our expectations (well, not our expectations). When the time comes, Daryl and Carol will choose each other. First though, they have to realize they do represent a choice in each other’s eyes. Not just a choice, but their first choice. 

Even though I’m a firm advocate in continuity and they have to tie up this thread between Daryl and Connie they started in S10, it does bother me a little bit that her character has to use Daryl (and Carol) as a crutch. I’m hoping her role as an investigative reporter will allow her to stand on her own more. I suspect she’ll be vital in exposing the city’s corruption, starting with interviewing former trooper Tyler Davis. Ideally, my girl, Kelly, can also play an active role and not simply become Connie’s shadow again. Wishful thinking maybe. 

While the slingshot sisters, Yumiko, and a begrudging Tomi (who works at the hospital now?) seem to all be thriving at the Commonwealth, it’s hinted that some characters are not. Magna is back to being a waitress for example, and she seems fully conscious of the class divide. Meanwhile, Daryl and Rosita are barely scraping by as military trainees. I don’t think it’s random  at all that this is the path Daryl is being placed on when you consider the fact that Merle had been in the army at some point too, presumably because he was deemed a redneck lowlife with no other options. The only difference is, Daryl also has Judith, RJ, and Dog to look after. Living in a ratty apartment where crying babies and loud music are on blast couldn’t have ever been easy for Daryl, but when a little girl is asking for an allowance so she can buy records (from Princess’s store!), that must add a lot of pressure. It seems Daryl had been under the impression that “it’s not forever” and there was no reason to try to become “a team player” as Mercer puts it to him during training, but with both Judith and RJ expressing their desire to stay as long as their mom can find them, he realizes he has to step up. Even if it means kissing up to an egotistical prick like Sebastian (seriously, can this guy be more of a trope?) I imagine it’s only going to get harder for Daryl to maintain the illusion which, if he hasn’t started to already, should get him thinking about what he really wants in life. Here’s a hint: vroom, vroom. 

Carol’s scene with Ezekiel also heavily suggested that she, too, feels like a fish out of water if only because she’s constantly surrounded by families and happiness she assumes she can’t have. There’s also an interesting parallel to be made when we see Carol standing outside the masquerade ball while Daryl is inside doing his best to blend in. It’s like a reverse of S5 when Carol was the one attending the party and Daryl was hovering on the outskirts. While Aaron became a mentor for Daryl, it seems like Lance is going to be taking Carol under his wing in the episodes to come. In another parallel that may not be intentional, Carol tells Lance her mother always taught her to be observant, which reminds me of Daryl back in season two when he said he was observant.  

I liked some of the other dynamics we got to see, both new and old. Mercer and Princess are cute, and it’s nice to see Daryl and Rosita working closely together, trying to have each other’s backs. I’m going to come out and say it though. I don’t particularly care for this episode. It just feels offbeat. That entire sequence of Daryl catching Davis even felt like a procedural crime drama. Agent Dixon is on the move! The peculiar tone is probably intentional to a degree, but I do hope future episodes will ground us back in the world that feels like home for us and our characters, and for the love of god, let’s get to some meaningful Daryl and Carol scenes already? I have a feeling the ship baiting is going to get worse before it gets better, so let’s just stay strong in the meantime, guys. Remember there is nothing to gain from a Donnie and/or Carzekiel relationship for their own sake. Only six more weeks until we can turn our attention to 11C. We got this. 

11x09 “No Other Way” Review

[jerzwriter]

Tobias & Casey... My future plans...

Some of y'all know - the ADHD has been off the charts, and I've been stressing out because I have too much open and don't know what to do next.

Quick background: Generally, I believe fanfic doesn't have to be linear. But when it's a couple that isn't found in canon, there is no baseline; I have to create it. My intention was always to write Tobias & Casey's story chronologically. Well, that didn't happen.

It started during the holidays last year. I wanted to write holiday fics, and frankly, I wasn't even sure the fandom would still exist during the holidays in 2022, so I wrote. I brought the Carrick girls in and fell in love with them, so I wanted a little more. Then there were asks and prompts, and - before you knew it - their story was all over the place, and this isn't even taking AUs into account.

I recently started the series about their baby & wedding stories, Kind of for the same reason. I got a lot of asks about these topics, and, well, with the fandom thinning, I figured let me write it while there are still 10 people who care. lol

But as a discussion with a friend revealed, no one even knows how they finally got together. As I looked back, I think I need to make people understand why there was a connection to each other, even though the rocky beginning of their relationship ended up with Casey dumping him. So here is what I have planned:

I'm going post a timeline for them. Not the scribbled in my notebook for my own use timeline, but something pretty and organized one that will be posted here. I'm also going to update my Meet My MC, create a Meet Tobias (since, face it, he's really an OC), and I'll make little ones for other OCs in their world.

Since Casey & Tobias already told her parents the big news, then he stopped to "tell" his late father on the way to his mom's house, I will finish that and have them tell Vivian. But, after that, I'm probably going to pause that series and go back to the Their Start series.

Their Start is currently in the Book 2 timeline right before the attack. Casey broke up with Tobias, and he's wigging out because he cares that she dumped him. This has never happened to him before. He's desperate to get her back, but she's not biting. But she just gave him the slightest bit of hope (and immediately regretted it). He's walking around happy, believing there is a chance, but then she never calls, so he's deflated. That's when he learns about the chemical attack at Edenbrook. So I'm going to go back to the attack (that rhymes) and bridge at least the bones of their story up to where they got engaged, and then I'll take it from there.

There may be one-offs (for asks/events), but I will try to limit them until I finish this bridge.

As far as series go, I'll be wrapping up Friends * (I'm hoping to do it in one more part, but it may be two), and I CAN NOT WAIT to delve into "Where It Goes From Here" when that's over.

Why am I sharing this? T/C is not my more popular pairing, and I'm sure some of my beautiful anons are already penning a "you're so narcissistic" message... but this helps me formulate my thoughts. Also, while T/C have a small following, they are loyal and enthusiastic. I've always says, my readers matter, even if they are a smaller group. Lastly, this is what I always say it needs to be about... WRITE WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY. WRITE WHAT YOU WANT TO READ. Don't worry too much about the rest. So, if you made it this far, thank you. I really appreciate it and can't wait to get more to you. I'm only tagging some of my bigger T/C fans here. Thanks for your love & support! 💕💕

@a-crepusculo @animesuck3r @annfg8 @annoyingmillenialnewbie @coffeeheartaddict2 @crazy-loca-blog @inlocusmads @jamespotterthefirst @jennieausten @liaromancewriter @lilypills @lucy-268 @mysticalgalaxysstuff @onikalover @peonierose @peonyblossom @potionsprefect @quixoticdreamer16 @secretaryunpaid @trappedinfanfiction @icecoffee90 @jerzwriter-reblogs-asks