#this is the only vent post I'm going to allow myself about this
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nikothebookdragon · 5 months ago
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vent
feel free to keep scrolling!! just need to get it out of my system
can you imagine how much more stuff you could get done in a day if you weren't constantly worrying about how to pay rent and where your next meal is going to come from. like I'm not saying rich people don't have their problems, of course they do, but just the thought of how much more mental space you'd have if you weren't constantly stressing about being able to afford necessities
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camellia-thea · 4 months ago
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initially this post had some commentary about interests right now. and then it turned into a ramble about personal healing in the tags. so the interest post is going separately.
#i have been possessed by my fourteen year old self.#except now i am *way* less ashamed of my interests#<- oh wow when you're in a place where all your interests that are unique to you are shamed constantly you stop enjoying them#there were so many things i hoarded as ''just mine'' because i was scared that they'd be stolen from me in one way or another#because either it'd be co-opted and i'd have to confirm to their view of said interest. or i'd be shamed and belittled for enjoying it#there are so many little things now (even wider than like. media interests. like literal aspects of myself) that feel wrong to share becaus#the only way to keep it safe was to keep it close to my chest#there are a few names i'd love to go by but as soon as i think about actually telling someone it i feel like i might#(and sometimes do) have a panic attack about it#which is stupid!!! the people around me now love me!!!! and i love them!!!!!#all that to say. being able to post about armand and dm is kind of like. a rebellion i guess#tvc and specifically armand were so important to me because back then i kind of saw myself in him? v. jaded and disconnected with the world#and seeking someone to bring them forward and into a new space to try and reinvent themself#and wanting someone to love them hard enough that it encompassed everything#i wanted to be what daniel was to armand and what armand was to daniel#<- very healthy way to think about the world and relationships btw <3 i was so normal and fine and this was not a sign something was wrong#god this turned into a bit of a vent thing huh.#i'm not like. feeling big feelings i should clarify. i feel like i'm examining them from a distance and taking notes like a scientist lol#it's a thing of like. knowing how unhealthy everything was and acknowledging that i'm healing. slowly; sure. but i am healing#i got to play a game one of them had tainted last week. it was hard and fun and i had big feelings when i was playing#because it was a little triggering. but i did it. i managed. i felt better for it.#i told my partner about one of my favourite bands back in 2021 and now they listen to them too and that's a little bit of joy#because it was one of the things that was deemed ''bad'' and that i can share that with someone now and feel safe to love it is good#and being able to be as obsessive and hyperfixated as i am right now without it being unsafe is really really lovely#and it is making me lean into it! i can engage with this without guilt! i want to fuck that old man!#it's silly and difficult and big and great and awful and complicated. but it's allowed to be. i'm allowed to be.
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fruitsyrups · 2 years ago
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i haven't posted anything substantial in ages and i feel a little annoying about it. whatever. it's my blog who cares i do what i want (i am staring in the mirror and saying this to myself)
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sim-berry · 2 months ago
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I'm Tired.
I totally get why many simblrs don't want to name and shame and want to avoid drama, but I'm not one of those simblrs. If I see some bs I'm going to call it out. I only have a few followers (who are lovely and sweet) anyway, so it's not like I'll get a crusade against me. So that's exactly what I'm gonna do, because I'm pissed right now.
I know I don't have a big blog so it's unlikely many will see this, but if you do, please reblog it. Spread the word about creators who have stolen content so that people can stop downloading their cc and supporting them.
One of my favorite creators, Toys of Dukeness, has just deleted all their poses from Patreon and stated that they are leaving the Sims community. Their poses have been STOLEN by other "creators" who have locked them behind paywalls. Keep in mind Toys gives their poses out FOR FREE and they've been STOLEN and put behind paywalls! They're making money off of shit that isn't even theirs! How disgusting is that?? And now they don't even feel welcome in the community that they've given so much to.
And it's funny because I just saw a post from the amazing @simmireen (who makes many of my favorite poses) calling out THE SAME CREATOR for stealing their poses!! Simmireen's poses are stunning and she is kind enough to give them out for free, and she's had her hard work ripped off by an early access paywaller. The same one who drove Toys out of this community: simsulani.
This is a screenshot taken from Toys of Dukeness's post (read the whole thing here) that specifically calls out two of the thieves:
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If this keeps happening, more of our wonderful cc creators are going to leave simblr. And I don't blame them one bit. Why put hours, sometimes days, of work into creating content when it's just going to be stolen and profited off of by someone else?
And when those creators do eventually leave, do you know what we'll be left with? Scummy perma-paywallers and early access creators who use minority groups to make money. (As a member of the LGBT I can't tell you how fucking sick I am of seeing "Pride Month Collection- Available to the public on June 30th🥰")
We can't let that happen. We need to support and show love to the creators who allow us to have beautiful cc and amazing poses in our games. I can tell you right now my stories would be nothing without simmireen's and Toys' poses. And they aren't the only creators who have had their cc stolen. We're on here about AI stealing art all the time (which is a totally valid argument, don't get me wrong), meanwhile actual humans, fellow simmers, are stealing content right under our noses, right this moment.
I am TIRED of this. Our content creators are being driven off this site and out of the community entirely because their work is being stolen. Storytellers, including myself, have also had their storylines stolen. I once saw someone take my entire NSB Gen 2 storyline, with even the quotes being copied and pasted! If you don't have creativity, then don't make content, that's okay. What's not okay is STEALING from people who have worked hard on their craft, ESPECIALLY if you're making money off of the stuff you stole.
Again, please reblog if you can. And feel free to share some REPUTABLE creators so simmers know who to download from rather than the thieves. They're the ones who need to be driven out, not the hardworking creators. And anyone who is afraid to vent about this on main can come into my anon and rant all they want. We as a community need to stop this.
-Coco xoxo
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windvexer · 3 months ago
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Hello,
In your "practice sorcery in a not soul-sucking way" post, you mention a beginner artist doodling a landscape then saying their art "doesn't work".
I was wondering if you have a spell for warding a space against unwanted attention/negative energies, which was the magical equivalent of "paint or scribble until the whole page is black"?
No particular skill necessary, just something blunt and brute-force which may take a lot of energy (SCRIBBLING AS GARD AS YOU CAN AAAA) but which would be cathartic? It's my first spell since.... Playing around initiating a wand with my friend when we were kids. Wow.
The thought of trying to learn correspondences or something is.... Exhausting-sounding. I just need a space that's mine. Maybe with a "keep this space calm and quiet" element thrown in.... And something with knot-tying that leaves me with a charm I can hang, maybe?
If this is too much/too specific, feel free to disregard (though I'd appreciate knowing you got the ask). Thank you so much for your time, and I hope things are going well for you. Also, your chicken-frying spirit-trappjng pot is gorgeous.
Good morning, or it will be in 20 minutes when midnight rolls over.
We are in reference to this post about practicing sorcery, and also this post about my pot of many uses.
Yes I imagine there is probably a short answer but you've given me the chance to talk about theory, so :)
Knot-tying magic is nice and easy, and I really think it doesn't require special skills beyond tying knots. I have this old post about making a simple hanging charm with macrame.
One thing that helps me with the idea of knot magic is that you're always going to be binding something.
You can go with the idea that you are binding up statements of intent which then become like the rungs on a ladder, allowing other energies and intents to climb up into reality.
But I imagine more commonly, you bind things up to trap them (and perhaps releasing them for use later).
This provides a decent idea for part B of your spell, "keep this space calm and quiet." A nice knot tied up by the door to capture disruptions and bind them up and make them inert might suffice.
As for your part A, warding against unwanted attentions and negative energies - you've got options.
And a good place to start is that you want a space that's yours.
I am a huge believer in the efficacy of spiritual authority. Crudely put, there is actual magical power in saying, "this is my space. I own it. Only things I invite inside are allowed."
I don't mean that it's personally powerful, or therapeutic, although it may be those things. I mean that I believe it literally changes something in the record books of the Otherworlds.
Of course it immediately gets more complicated, especially in cases of territory disputes, but by and large a powerful first step for making a space feel safe, comfortable, and barred from unwanted attention and negative energies,
is to magically announce that the space is yours, you are its keeper, and from that point on you call the shots.
Perhaps best of all, doing so requires no correspondences. Just go around and start telling the world how it's going to be. Start with the doorway, and pay due respects to windows and vents. Not because they're vectors of negative energy contamination, but because thresholds are their own species of Creature and know a little bit more than some of the baser household construction.
Put on some music or whatever to get yourself in the state of mind to take it all seriously, and then go to the main entrance and say, "hello; let me introduce myself formally." (And then introduce yourself). "I'd like to let you know I'm going to be responsible for this space from now on. I'm the keeper of this room, and it's on me to decide what comes and goes - not other people in the household."
And then go about to all the various things in the room (for some reason I guess I decided this is for your bedroom) and let them all know that this is your space and you're taking the reins. "Rug by the door, I love the pattern you've got going on. Just to let you know-"
Draw a finger over the wall. That's your wall; the space within it is your space. Touch the window frame and the door frame; they frame only what you allow to pass through, and nothing else. Touch your old things and dig deep through layers of the past: speak the new truth to stacks of things that have been peacefully slumbering for years.
Just go around and have a nice time with it, and in general claim your space. That will set you up pretty well for whatever kind of work you'd like to do next.
The reason I recommend all these big paragraphs of things is because I think it fits the bill of what you're looking for, re. not requiring extra skills.
But then once you've got the room on board and you're set up as the new captain, you might well like to ask the door to keep out intruders. And you should; let the door know your vision of the room moving forward is that nobody but you tries to come into it.
And while you're at it, you might as well give your door a garotte to strangle anyone who tries to come in.
Or.... strangle the energy of intrusiveness in general, you know.
With the knot spell that we were talking about earlier!
If you prepare something nice and simple, like a macrame crystal net, or even a simple overhand knot in some cord, position this by the entryway so that the charm works in tandem with the door (who, remember, is now on your side but could possibly do with reinforcements).
(By the way, a decent way to 'cast' a knot spell is to take some cord and prepare a loose knot and wait for the irritating thing to happen; at the moment it happens, quickly yank the knot closed, and tell the cord, "see? That's exactly the thing I'm talking about, I've just given you an example to work from. You go ahead and bind up the rest now, just like that." Give the cord another knot that's not completely tightened, to let it do the rest itself.)
Besides getting the doors and windows on your side, and tying up intruders, I think you may especially enjoy a nice dish of salt. That link is to @aesethewitch who made a lovely writeup on the idea of ambient spells, and I think this may be just your thing.
I think technically it could be a nice dish of anything, but I think salt probably fits the bill. It's very cheap if you need to buy any, but more importantly, it's got an excellent "filtration" effect that helps to keep a space free of bad vibes.
As far as the political landscape of the room, such a dish of salt could hypothetically be placed anywhere, unlike the sneaky cord of binding, which probably ought to be right next to the door so it can pounce at first sight of an interloper.
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myfandomrealitea · 6 months ago
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I had to check myself recently because I'm so used to being in discord servers with vent channels, that when I ended up joining one *without* a vent channel, I realized Holy shit, where can I go to complain about the day-to-day things that piss me off? And I thought of your post & took a step back, like You know what? I can complain on my own time, on my own blog, or in private to a close friend who offers to listen. I can just let this server be fun.
Anyway, I think people are still furious over your post because (and forgive me if someone's said this before) the availability and reach of the internet has conditioned ppl to believe that it's acceptable/required/encouraged to vent in any space, at any time, to anyone, and that the audience should willingly receive it. It's like a form of brainwashing.
Honestly, the single major response I've gotten is people screaming that I'm an evil racist white bitch oppressing people of color because I'm asking them not to talk about genocide or police brutality in fandom spaces.
There is a huge, huge difference between stopping someone who is actually, actively being racist within a public space and asking people not to force others to constantly engage with and expose themselves to the horrors of the world, especially in spaces where they have retreated specifically to recover from those things.
Its basically like going to a wellness and recovery retreat and forcing everyone there to watch the news and read articles and watch videos about world horrors.
Almost everyone in a Discord server has profiles on other social medias. Everyone on the internet sees, willingly or not, what is happening in the world right now. We all know these things happen. We are not blind. We are not ignoring it.
When I go onto Discord and go into my silly little fandom servers, its after I've spent an hour on Tumblr on my main blog reblogging aid posts. Circulating information. Doing my best to connect people to people who can help them. Its after I've spent my lunch break at work listening to my colleagues talking about the latest knifing or child kidnapping. Its after checking Snapchat only to see headlines like MAN BRUTALLY STABS DOG IN PUBLIC PARK.
When I go into those servers, its because I need to get away from all of that. I need to have that time away where I can recover and recharge or I simply won't go online because I know there is absolutely nowhere online where I can simply enjoy something without other people grabbing me by the head and forcing me to look elsewhere at things that are horrific and upsetting.
And the thing about those spaces is they themselves need protection and moderation in order to remain safe. And you know what that means?
It means preventing racism and homophobia. It means if someone is being unpleasant, they get shut down. If someone is being bigoted, they get removed. Because they are making that space unsafe.
Literally nobody except these idiots screaming about racism are suggesting that we just outright allow racism to keep happening.
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dunmeshistash · 5 months ago
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Hey im @holmsister tumblr is tumbling as usual.
About the Maizuru complaint and bad faith interpretation: I feel the same way about POC in this fandom. I didn't really engage in fandoms that have many canon POC because most of my reading in the last years has been historical and classical European lit and nonfiction so like. The racism is baked into the source so to speak. AND im super white so im not going to try and speak out of turn. But moving into a fandom for a recent work of art in which there are important characters of colour has been... enlightening (derogatory). Also not naming names, but the way white characters are extended grace for things the POC are criticised extensively is... enlightening (derogatory). Maizuru, being at the intersection of being a woman and POC, is obviously going to get the brunt of it. Especially because yeah, she's not exactly a pleasant character - yeah, the way she treats the other retainers is not nice. But she is basically a sex slave. Like we can mince our words as much as we like, add in everything about how she is clearly being well-treated and not resentful, etc etc, but she's there to entertain Nakamoto and she can't say no if he comes to her room. All of her privileges are dependent on her pleasing him. That doesn't mean that she can't be abusive in her own right - but like. How old was she when she was taken in by Nakamoto? She's been around since Toshiro was little, remember? Hell, her obsession with being a good retainer with Toshiro might be a way to safely "escape" Nakamoto - after all, if she's following Toshiro around, she's not in her parlour waiting for his father's next visit, and if Toshiro, who has no interest in her, became the next head of the household, she would be allowed to live out her last years in peace. Like this is speculation of course, but it's based on what we know of the character in much the same way any other speculation is - I'm choosing to give her the benefit of the doubt the same way I do for example Laios choosing to join the army.
Sorry for the vent, it's just. The complexity of the characters is a good thing! Stop trying to find a bad guy, you're missing the point! (And showing your ass in the process). everyone has complex motivations!
Truly, people hate nuance and it seems like internalized misogyny and racism amplifies that.
I feel like at least for the racism one there's more awareness and people speak more about it? But I usually see misogyny arguments being dismissed a lot more so I got specially angy at it.
I guess I wanted to find a reason outside misogyny to justify how people treated these character's cause I've seen lots of people being mad about that before about other characters and even thinking myself "It's surely not that bad/widespread, this character is the one that sucks" but when you have a more general view of reactions it becomes painfully obvious.
Thankfully I didn't see the racism against Toshiro (maybe cause I barely post about him) but I can only imagine.
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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months ago
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AITA for telling my Grandma I'm not going to have a specific conversation with her and just walking away?
So context, I (28) am currently between jobs because one of my ex-coworkers was the asshole who got me fired, and I haven't found anything new.
My mother (50) and I both live in my Grandma (80)'s house which is divided into an upstairs and a downstairs. Grandma lives in the downstairs. So do my mom and sister. I live alone in a two bedroom upstairs which belonged to my late aunt.
Right after my aunt died, I wanted to clean the apartment, organize, donate, toss, keep her stuff. To make sure everything gets where it'd ought best go, but my mother told me I had no right to go through my aunt's things alone and sort keepsake from takaway; if I was to do anything it was to be with her.
Well, three years of me trying to get my mom up here to sort through it with me because I want to respect her wishes, and my stuff accruing in a layer over top of my aunts stuff because I can't get rid of it, and the apartment is a lifetime and three years mess. My mom never made the time to do what she told me I wasn't allowed to do without her, me respecting these wishes which she probably doesn't even remember. I've been living up here too afraid of trespassing against my aunts memory to clean the cobwebs full of her red hair. Because my mother said, I had no right to do it.
And that cleaning anxiety is on top of executive dysfunction, depression, having too much shit, being a sprawler type adhd, and working a 40 h/week 'part-time' retail position. I didn't have it in me to clean by myself, and the mess kept getting worse and no one would substancially help me no matter how much I asked. Not my mom and not my sister (who gets a pass because she's got post-exertional malases from Long Covid).
Now fast foreward to two weeks ago. My mother final finds the motivation to clean the upstairs apartment because she's got a boyfriend now, and they wanna have sex upstairs where my grandma can't hear it. They didn't ask me if it was okay or anything: just decided that my space is now OUR space because it's convinent to her. I don't really care, and I'm annoyed, but finally someone to clean the fucking apartment with. She said, two weeks ago that he'd be coming around in about four months time. We spent the day getting a lot of cleaning done. Not anywhere near all of it, but a lot. And I've finally gotten what I see as permission to start sortitioning my aunts things. I'm pacing myself cleaning on that four month timetable.
And then today she bursts into the apartment to announce that BF will be here in a week, and she starts hauling major ass with my late aunt's heavy as shit sewing supplies. For my part, I vent the new timeline to my friends and then get to work cleaning my bedroom so I can move the stuff I have sprawled over the living room into my bedroom. Because my bedroom being messy is what's getting in my way the most.
When she's done hauling boxes, she goes to start cleaning the bathroom, and because she's in too much of a hurry on this new self-imposed and sprung upon me timeline, she hurts herself cleaning the toilet. Spasms her wrist, locks up her back. I help her downstairs but she's obviously done for the day, probably done for the week even. I get back to light cleaning with breaks, pacing myself to the new timeline I have to deal with. And I get a call from my grandma.
G: "Hey anon can you come down here." A: "I'll be down in a minute." I pull on pants and a shirt and head down.
And here we get to the key events all that context was building toward.
G: "What happened with your mom." A: "She hurt herself cleaning." G: "I know that, I mean why was she cleaning your apartment. You're an adult who's lived here for three years, and she's the only one working, and now she can't move. Why's the apartment you live in such a state that she needs to clean it for you."
Now, I know my grandma. A mule would be jealous of her stubborn demeanor. She's on an oxygen machine 24 hours a day and she still smokes two packs a week. You can't change her mind once she's made it up.
So I'm doing calculations in my head while she's laying into me, and I conclude she's made her mind up: She thinks I'm 100% in the wrong and nothing that came out my mouth would convince her that my mom is just as much an adult as I am who is responsible for her own decisions that got her to overworking when cleaning and hurting herself in the process, and also several inter-related key factors in why so much cleaning needs to be done on an 'oh fuck, immediately' timescale.
Doing the math makes me a bit angry, and I don't like the type of person I get to acting like when I'm angry, especially because anything I say will just make her more upset, so I say, "Grandma, I'm not going to have this conversation with you."
And I walk away. I leave while she yells at me to come back and let myself be yelled at. I'm angry, so I mindfully do not to slam her door on my way out and go back up stairs
After some scrumbling and a bit more light cleaning with breaks to pace myself, best I can, to this newly imposed and unreasonable timetable, my room is 90% clean and ready for me to put my stuff in it. And now that I'm not as angry anymore, I started to feel guilty that I didn't even try to explain anything to her. I just decided she'd made up her mind and made up mine to walk away without even trying. So, I typed this up to ask:
AITA for refusing to engage her in that conversation and just walking away?
What are these acronyms?
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spoopy-arcade · 11 months ago
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The hate on Roxy because she's a "bitch" and a "narcissist" and... wanting to get Gregory? (When literally everyone besides Freddy is also trying to kill him???) Is so fucking stupid and just shows how much you people hate female characters. I'm about to go in-
First of all, the bad talk at Gregory in SB was because she was hacked by Vanny, (even her behaviour when you see her through the vents in her room) obviously there was no way she'd actually talk like that to a KID, but alot of you seriously believe that. And yeah, ok, she says a few mean things, so what? SO WHAT? If this was Monty's, or maybe Bonnie's personality instead, would you be spewing hate at them, or continue to simp for them and call their behaviour hot? I know for a FACT that a lot of you would. Not all female characters have to be too sweet or quirky and silly for you to like.
Back to Roxy's bad talk, you may think "Well, none of the others bad talk him!!" Yeah, it's because everything Roxy says to him is actually targeted to herself. The game clearly showed us how she actually feels: crying alone in her room, constantly telling herself that she's not a loser, and questioning if everyone loves her. Her praising herself are reminders to feel like she's still loved more than anything.
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And the one thing that boosted her confidence alot was her looks. Her looks clearly meant so much to her, and we see this in Help Wanted 2 as well, so obviously she would be furious and lose it if someone took that away from her, including her ability to see.
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And before I say anything else, I just wanna say that no I'm not angry at Gregory at all, he is just a child who was doing everything he can to survive, and if I were in his place, I would've done the same as well to protect myself. But at the same time, I understand Roxy's anger too. If I were someone who had very low self esteem that I reassure and prepare myself everyday to hang on, when one day, suddenly someone hits me with a whole go kart that shatters my entire body, and on top of that, they steal my eyes too? Yes, I wouldn't just be devasted, but I'd be very angry as well. Roxy was taken everything away from her, and was left to rot alone, I don't blame her for being angry at all.
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Now more onto Ruin, which shows us her true side all along.
In the dlc, I don't think (Or it's clear at this point) that any of them are hacked anymore, since we assume that Vanny left with Gregory and Freddy in the good ending, and Glitchtrap is gone. But with Chica and Monty, I feel like they've just lost themselves and are completely broken. Even when seeing Cassie, they still tried to kill her. But with Roxy, she was the only one who recognised her when she heard her voice, and even apologized for grabbing her.
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Later on, when Cassie stumbles onto Roxy again, this is where we see her TRUE self. Where she's sweet, soft, and not as mean as everyone made her out to be. (The way she gently speaks to her and holds her hand will never not make me cry) We know that from Roxy's lines, she was one of few who actually showed up to her birthday, since her friends didn't and was the reason why Cassie was crying in one of the cut outs we see. But Roxy was there for her, and she still remembered her special day, her favourite cake, and she was her number one - twice.
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This part CLEARLY shows you that Roxy isn't a selfish jerk who only cares about herself, she cares about the kids, and she cares a lot about Cassie. There's a reason why she's Cassie's favourite, right? And don't forget that she literally went up against the mimic to protect her!!!
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And I do wanna say that, no, this post isn't telling you that you're not allowed to dislike Roxy or criticise her at all, the issue is hating her character and personality when she would've been praised for it and called "hot" if she were Monty, Moon, Bonnie, or if she was Glamrock Foxy instead. (Which is... literally misogyny) Like, even before Ruin, there were people who hated Roxy for being a jerk, but then turn around and praise Monty when we see him being way more aggressive, while theorizing that he was the one KILLED Bonnie over jealousy. Not even because he was hacked, just... jealousy, and that's not him being 10 times worse than Roxy???
Don't forget the details in Monty's Gator Golf minigame, where in some levels, Freddy was always seen separated from the gang, and in the last level, you see Monty performing along side Roxy and Chica, while Freddy was thrown in the trash...
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To me, this is clearly because he's jealous at Freddy, and wants to be the star instead. And along side him possibly killing Bonnie...
I'm sorry, but while I do like Monty, he is literally WAY more of a jerk. Alot of you people believe he killed Bonnie, is extremely jealous, way more aggressive, and yet Roxy is the worst of all for saying "I bet you don't even have friends" to a child when she was HACKED? But yeah, also praise the literal child murderer and abuser for being "interesting" and a cool character, but no, Roxy is the worst because she's a bitch. It's just so ridiculous, and I'm not surprised in the slightest, female characters will always get this treatment.
Alright, it's finally out of my system, anyway stan Roxy.
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e-claire · 2 years ago
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Misophonia sucks so fucking hard and no one anywhere ever wants to talk about it. Literally the only people I've ever had listen to me about my Misophonia are other people with Misophonia. So fuck it, Misophonia Awareness Post or something, I want to vent.
Allow me to describe what it is first for all the lucky people who aren't fucked over. Misophonia is likely an Audio-Processing Disorder (Potentially some form of Synesthesia) in which certain sounds trigger a fight or flight reaction. Trigger sounds can vary and sometimes after long term exposure it can create a reaction to the visuals associated with those sounds. It is possibly genetic, there is no known cause, there is no known treatment, there is only suffering and ways of generally kind of reducing that suffering. When I hear people chewing I am filled with a rage that can only be described as "Bordering on a primal desire to Kill." and there's nothing I can do about that. A family member or friend takes a bite of something crunchy and I have to sit there and exist with thoughts of pounding their fucking skull into paste with my bare god damn hands and then afterwards I have to go back to "being normal". I have to just pretend that didn't happen, I can't do anything with those emotions, I can't put them anywhere, I can't talk about them with anyone or gain any understanding or sympathy from others for having them.
When I see someone chewing food anymore it's borderline impossible for me to remain in the room with them for any more than a few seconds because the mere sight of them chewing makes me physically ill and inspires in me a sense of deep disgust and panic that I could never ever hope to describe.
I tell people about what it's like and I get one of four reactions :
"Oh I think I have that too" With a weird amount of curious excitement at the concept of having a fun new quirky thing to mention in conversations. This means that they don't have it, and they'll then proceed to list off a couple different things that literally no human being likes to hear and how much that thing "annoys them". This makes me want to kill myself.
"Wow, Yikes." Through a grimace. This means I was too open about how it makes me feel and they now think i'm a either a freak, liability, time bomb, or over-dramatic, and will do everything they can to avoid the subject in the future so that I can't make them uncomfortable. This makes me want to kill them AND myself.
Immediately eats something really loudly to set me off as a "joke". This means that they're an obnoxious piece of shit that I have to try my absolute hardest not to beat to death with my bare hands. This makes me want to kill them, if that wasn't already obvious.
"Oh. So that's what this is called." This means they have it, and we can both engage in a brief period of mutual trauma sharing that helps us know we're not alone, and that our curse is unfortunately shared with others. This makes us both somewhat melancholy, and kinda ruins the vibes until something fun happens.
And then we get into the "How do you make the pain stop", and good news! You can't. There is no way to make it stop. But you can make it hurt less with ✨Spending Unbearable Amounts of Cash✨
You can buy a billion different types of earplugs that will all do great at muting the world but always leave you incredibly unaware of the world around you and leave you fucked in-terms of listening to media.
You can buy normal headphones that will kind of work but never mute the world around you anywhere near enough and vaguely frustrate you constantly, but hey at least you're a bit more accessible! Try combining these with a combination of rain and static noise playing at all times in the background for an extra layer of silence :)
You can buy ANC headphones that cost infinitely too much money and are almost always built to break so that they can farm cash from you in repairs, but the ANC is so useful despite not working perfectly that you can't really exist without it so you're gonna spend 200+ dollars every couple years because you don't have a choice, and spend every single day 24/7 wearing hot heavy over-ear headphones! Use the Rain and Static Noise combo with this as well for the best ANC effect.
And inevitably, all of these options will give you hearing problems, potentially make you aware of new trigger sounds, and always leave you a step behind everyone else when a conversation happens. Pro-Tip : For when the sounds are really intrusive and you're on the verge of a breakdown, Combine ANC with Ear Plugs and the R&SN background audio to basically kill noise in it's entirety for a little while :)
AND NOW WE GET TO THE PART WHERE I SAY WHAT THE FUCK CAN YOU NORMIES DO TO MAKE OUR SUFFERING LESS FUCKING CONSTANT.
Listen to us. Don't ostracize us for experiencing emotions we can't control and don't mean or want to act on. If you can, try your best to do the trigger noises quietly, and try your best not to do the trigger visuals in-front of us. We know it's not something you can control entirely, but if you can make the effort to make our lives suck less, we'll really fucking appreciate it.
And if you try to get back at us during a fight by eating something really crunchy to abuse our disorder for your benefit, I swear to god I will hunt you down personally and subject you to the most violent and painful torture I can manage before killing you and hiding your body somewhere no one will ever find it so that your loved ones never have the closure of knowing if you died or if you're still somewhere out there. Thanks for reading even though I know you didn't because the length of this post is frankly unhinged and i'll probably only get like 2 likes at best.
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ivys-head-is-spinning · 7 months ago
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Get to know me!
Hello, my name is Ivy! I decided to do a get to know me thing so here we go.
Pronouns: She/They/He
Queer. Mostly into girls, somewhere ace and I don’t care all that much about pronouns.
I'm a minor. Be normal please.
Type one diabetic.
Autism and ADHD with a side of anxiety and depression (maybe ocd too idk). Self diagnosed and HEAVILY researched. Believe me I did months of research before I allowed myself to use the words and I spoke to my therapist so don’t come for me. I am just simply not able to get official diagnosis right now but I’m going to as soon as I move out (hopefully)
Jewish ✡️ and Canadian 🇨🇦
Don’t interact with me if you are sexist, homophobic, transphobic, antisemitic, ableist, racist, a pedophile or any other shit like that. I will block you.
My newsies strike name is Fidget!
♋️🦀 and INFJ
I vent a lot on here btw. Gotta do it somewhere.
My special interests:
NEWSIES (mainly that's what I post about)
Disney
Broadway and musicals- the one's I've seen live are Hamilton, Wicked, & Juliet, Lion King, Frozen, Hadestown, Little shop, Six, Aladdin, New York New York, Anastasia, RENT, The Devil Wear Prada musical, Mamma Mia, Without You (which is Anthony Rapp’s solo show), New York New York, Water for Elephants and The Outsiders. (and a few others but I was too young to remember.) The musicals I've seen online are Newsies (duh), Dear Evan Hansen, Heathers, The Prom, West Side Story, If/Then, Lempicka, Falsettos, Great Gatsby, Bandstand, Waitress, Legally Blonde, Bonnie and Clyde, 21 Chump Street, Ordinary Days, The Last 5 Years, In the Heights, the Mean Girls movie musical (the actual musical is next on my list) and Tick... Tick... Boom!
I also love The Violet Hour, In the Light, In Pieces, and Warriors (these are all musical concept albums you should go listen to)
Julie and the Phantoms
Music! But only the very specific artists that I like. Some that I love include Age of Madness (Jeremy Jordan's band), Laura Osnes, Ben Platt, Sara Bareilles, Idina Menzel, All Time Low, Olivia Rodrigo, Chappell Roan, Eden Espinosa, Christy Altomare, RØRY, Disney, Shoshana Bean, Negative 25, musicals, really anything sung by Jeremy Jordan (or other broadway stars I like but that's a whole other list)
Currently hyper fixated on Newsies, warriors concept album and Supergirl!!!
Other things I like include:
Plants
Stars
Axolotls
Octopuses
Fun facts
My marble collection
Tangled the Series
Supergirl tv show (the one with Jeremy Jordan)
Hazbin Hotel
Helluva Boss
My tumblr moots
Arts and crafts
Fan fiction
Stuffed animals
Music
Singing
Dancing
Acting
Find me on ao3 @ javidiscannon99! Please go read my Newsies fic.
Matching profile pics with @ya-what--ya-erster
Ask me about my ✨special interests✨
Please send me questions, and feel free to DM me I’m always up to chat as I love making new friends on here (fair warning I’m a little awkward and struggle with social cues lol)
Cheers!
Ivy
(here’s the link to my ask game!)
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turtletaubwrites · 2 months ago
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I got the fucking job, y'all!!! 😭✨🙏🏼
(Details of the fuckery I've been dealing with for the past year below now that I'm finally getting out!!! cw: vent post, rant, toxic workplace, financial struggles, mention of impact on health, lynna being excited and sappy at the end, lol)
I loved my company. I had coached the CEO for six months before giving him my business proposal because I fell in love with the work they did in supporting adults with developmental disabilities to become more independent. The culture and values of this program was above and beyond what I'd seen at the time (and sadly still).
I was initially hired to be a director for the non profit side, but since I got hired a month before Covid, that role no longer existed. So I did what so many "older siblings/chronic people pleasers" would do. I took on EVERY other role/responsibility needed.
I helped them open and manage a new office and county. I created a HIPAA compliant filing system that would allow managers in all counties to access documents and prevent data loss when a manager was out or left the company (which had happened multiple times. The original director left after embezzling, and they literally didn't know how to get into their own billing system without her 🥴). I wrote a staff and client training curriculum with twelve months of content, and 13 modules each month of various topics, such as finances, safety, nutrition, community integration, etc (which I did mainly on my own time 🤦‍♀️ and do not have the rights to use, unfortunately). And so much more.
There were so many issues over the years, so much drama, and fraud, and not enough staff/clients, so I had to take on a full caseload of clients on top of my other duties.
I adore working with clients, but with my own disabilities, I can't physically handle a full caseload. For five years, they kept telling me that "once we hire more staff, you'll get the position/pay we promised."
Well, starting last year and into this year they had months and months of repeated late paychecks that put me in debt after the medical leave I had to take because of the stress from this job causing a manic episode. For MONTHS, at least one paycheck a month would be 1-3 weeks late with only a days notice. I didn't know how to manage my staff when none of us were getting paid.
I had to borrow money for gas so that I could take my clients to their medical appointments.
My physical and mental health have deteriorated drastically due to this job, over the last year especially, and I've been feeling hopeless.
I was about to try for unemployment until they told me that they were going bankrupt, and starting a new company. I decided to see if all the loyalty they requested of me would be reciprocated now that their debts were gone, so I gave them a proposal for the type of position they hired me for and had promised me for so long.
They didn't fucking reply for 2 weeks, then said the best they could do was a $1 raise, and that "ONCE THEY HIRE MORE STAFF THEY'LL GIVE ME THAT POSITION."
And did they give me that $1 raise? Nope. They fucking TOOK a $2 incentive pay that I'd already been receiving for months off of my pay. For the first month with the new company, their paystub didn't have my pay listed on it, so I didn't realize until the end of the month that I'd made $300 less than I should have.
They gave me a $2 "raise" when I requested compensation for the late and overcharge fees they had caused from all the late paychecks. The $2 that I had already had before they fucking took it away, and hadn't realized they'd taken away until a few days after they told me about the "raise."
This company meant everything to me. I believed the hype. I believed the lies for loyalty. I put so much of myself into it, and I have been falling to pieces for years.
But the first interview I got was for EXACTLY the job I wanted, and they liked me so much that they're offering me a dollar over the listed pay range for the position!! It'll still be tight for awhile since it's the same pay I had without the $2 incentive, but I won't be driving clients all over the county everyday. Plus the structure! The consistent schedule! It's got all the things I loved about the other job, but now it has actual support, it's accessible for my needs, and I get to focus on my strengths and skills that I want to use. I can't get over the extra dollar part though. It hasn't sunk in yet, but I knew I killed the interview. It was last Thursday, and they said I'd hear from them by the end of this week. But they called me at the beginning of the week to offer me more money than they would normally give for this job! All of their questions were amazing. We were vibin' about compassion and patience, fidget toys, how to motivate staff without reprimanding them, and what progress/success looks like for people with severe mental illnesses/developmental disabilities. It felt like every single question brought out one of my strengths or passions, and they asked if we could go over the normal time for the interview. Then they thanked me at the end when I requested a 2-3 week out start date so that I could make sure my clients were set up before I leave. They all literally paused, and thanked me for asking that. The actual compassion I felt from these people for their clients was intense, and I'm so excited to work in that environment. This job is exactly what I was looking for, only BETTER. I get to use what I learned from that shit show. I still get to help people. And I get to take care of myself while doing it.
3 WEEKS!!!!
I've got so much shit to do to prepare for the job, and I'm going to try to get my current clients as set up as I can before I go. I'm trying to figure out a professional way to tell them to find a different program. I've been dealing with a lot of guilt over leaving my clients because they don't have anyone else, but this last year as beaten me into the ground. I have to leave.
So fuck that company, and the shitty couple that made me all those promises. I'm going to work my fucking ass off for the next three weeks, but it's not for them. It's for the clients who deserve better.
Oh, so many feelings, y'all!
I'm so excited to have a regular schedule, and not ever have to cover shifts, or work late or weekends all the time. I'm so excited to not be drained from driving and walking all over the place six days a week.
I'm excited because I've been wanting to have the time and the spoons to take some classes on writing and editing, because this is what I really want to do!
I can't wait to have a job that I don't have to carry home with me, so I can just tippy tappy on my keyboard to my heart's content. 🥰
I love writing so much, and there is absolutely no way I would have survived this last year if I hadn't started writing and interacting with all of you wonderful souls during my medical leave.
Thank you all so very much 🙏🏼
~ Lynna 💜✨
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theintrovertbean · 11 months ago
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Remember when I posted this? This is what I meant when I said I was writing something about high heels.
Summary: Nadia has beautiful legs and y/n wholeheartedly agrees.
This isn't smut, but there's some naughtiness implied. So, just to be safe, minors DNI.
Linguistics classes are boring, so I spend them writing about Nadia instead 🤗 That's just what I do, write adult content when I should be paying attention to my seminars. I will keep doing it.
I wrote like half of this at uni instead of listening to whatever the fuck that class was, and my friend sitting next to me was like o.o when they looked at my phone. But the bitch is back (no, not really, I'm just blessing you with a crumb of content before I retreat to my hiding again.) Anyway, I thought I'd give myself a break and write for the sake of writing about something that doesn't give me anxiety, and what's better than Nadia's legs to ease my stress? Damn, that rhymes. Don't mind my little vent, idk why I'm even writing this but it's almost 3 am and I no longer care.
Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it. Have a good one, simps!
Heeled Seduction (Nadia x Reader)
She's a strong, smart woman. She can take care of herself and she doesn't need help. But when I watch her undress and then put on her extravagant gown for the upcoming event, I can't help but notice her high heels waiting for her to put them on. I remind myself that no, she does not need help with something so trivial, but the more I entertain the thought, the more tempting it becomes.
She sits down on a plush chair and pushes a stray piece of hair behind her ear. My heart melts at the sight of her, but if I want to do this, then this is my chance.
"Nadia," I call out her name. It comes naturally to me at this point as she's had me cry out her name in pleasure countless times.
She looks at me with curiosity in her intense gaze. "Yes, love?"
I don't answer. I simply walk toward her and then lower myself onto one knee in front of her. My Countess raises an eyebrow, the corners of her lips curling up into one of those cheeky smiles that I love so much. She watches me with interest, awaiting my next move.
I gently lift her foot and guide it into the shoe, my fingers brushing against her delicate skin and I can feel her shiver beneath my touch. Having such an effect on the embodiment of perfection, on a goddess like her, fills me with pride.
"Oh my," She begins with a smile. "How attentive of you, my darling. Allow me to assist you."
Then she grabs a fistful of her dress, slowly, teasingly lifting it higher to give me better access. She reveals her strong thigh, only to my eyes, and I have to gulp. Inch by inch, she tortures me with her beauty. I'm quite certain she knows that she doesn't have to lift it so high. My sweet, loving Nadia—always teasing me at every chance she gets.
Encouraged by her seduction, I put my hand on her other leg, fingers caressing and massaging her strong calf gently. "Have I ever told you," I lean forward, pressing a kiss onto her skin right under her knee. "how beautiful your legs are?"
"Hm, I don't think you have," My Countess answers, the tone of her voice warm and low and the smile on her face playful but loving. "Why don't you elaborate?"
"Well, your skin is so soft here," I say and lift her leg, putting it over my shoulder. "I love how it feels against my mouth. So delicate and smooth." When I brush my lips against her thigh and my breath caresses her, I can see her clutching the armrest just a little tighter. "But your legs are also very strong." I rest my hand on the side of her thigh, drawing circles into it with my thumb. "Perfect for..." I drag my lips across her skin, going higher and higher until I can feel the heat radiating from her core. "Smothering."
My love chuckles and I look up to see her cheeks colored with a blush. "Aah, yes, they'd look so beautiful around your head."
"They certainly would," I smirk against her inner thigh and I'm certain she wants nothing more than for me to continue. "But!" I exclaim and put her leg down, shifting my body away from hers. "We have a party to attend. The rest can wait."
I swear I can hear her mutter a small damn you, y/n under her breath while I quickly put on her other high heel. When I finish, I immediately feel her fingers grasping my chin, guiding me to look up at her. "When it is done, I hope you intend to use that teasing, wicked mouth of yours for something more pleasurable," She whispers to me, and I can already feel my cheeks burning under her gaze. Here, at the feet of my mistress, my countess, my love, I feel a sense of belonging.
"If that's what milady wishes."
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wrenscoffin · 18 days ago
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I lied, one more tag venting reblog.
I don't know what to do, I need to vent but I uninstalled all social media besides this hellsite app, so I'm going to vent in the tags, just ignore me if you see this.
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doumadono · 1 year ago
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Emergency request:
Hey I hope it's okay if I request some comfort with Hawks. I've had struggled for a long time now never really telling anyone even though I have had times where I got anxiety/panic attacks almost daily. Mostly because of some family issues and having to had been safe place and supporter for both my younger siblings and a mother. (there has happened a lot but I won't go to any specific details) It was both freeing and terrifying to have moved on my own since I felt like I had in a way less responsibility havig to just look after myself and do what I want. But I also felt anxious of not really knowing what's going at home and feeling like I wasn't really needed anymore. Not really getting many calls to ask how I was doing or if I do it quickly becomes a 'rant' of what's going on in their life, even though it's much better now than few years back.
I'm finally getting help and send a text to my school psychologist because I have been pretty exhausted about everything building up and not really attending to school either. But I'm proud for finally going to talk there and hopefully getting some more help. I'm just anxious of how no one really knows how much I have been struggling and thinks I'm doing well and I don't know how I'm going to face them telling them if I can't continue school at this moment.. Meaning I would have to break the illusion of how I really am.. I'm just used to keeping it inside but I'm trying to break out of that.. but it's scary xd
I'm sorry for the long explanation I don't mean to vent I'm bad at summarizing stuff. There's absolutely no pressure to write this and I wish you have an amazing day! I wanto say I really love your blog and all your amazing writings!❤️
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A/N: I apologize for posting this after the 48-hour emergency request window; I've been quite busy recently. I want you to know that reaching out for help is a brave and significant step. You don't have to carry this burden alone, and it's okay to break the illusion. Your well-being matters, and I'm proud of you for taking care of yourself. It may be scary, but you're on the path to healing, and there's strength in vulnerability! Keep moving forward, and things will get better ♥
EMERGENCY REQS MASTERLIST
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Hawks had always been known for his swiftness, both in the skies and in his hero duties. But today, as he received your message and read through the turmoil you'd been enduring, he realized that some things couldn't be rushed. He knew that your struggles had been hidden beneath a brave facade for far too long. As he flew toward your place, he used a few of his feathers to discreetly check in on you. They slipped through the slightly ajar window, silently sensing your distress and heavy sighs.
You sat alone, enveloped in the suffocating embrace of your inner demons; your apartment dimly lit, and your heart heavy with the weight of your struggles. The room was filled with a haunting silence, only broken by the occasional distant sirens of the city.
When he finally landed on your balcony, and knocked gently, you were startled, not expecting him to actualy show up. Opening the balcony door, his wings cast a shadow over you. His usually confident demeanor was replaced with an air of solemnity.
"What are you doing here?" you asked, both surprised and touched by his presence.
He gave you a soft, sympathetic smile and stepped inside. "I read your message, and I couldn't just ignore it. You really thought I won't check upon you, songbird? Can I come in?"
Nodding, you led him to your living room, where you both settled on the couch. The weight of your troubles hung heavy in the air, and Hawks knew he needed to tread carefully. "I know this might be difficult," Hawks began gently, "but you don't have to carry this alone anymore. You can talk to me, whatever it might be about."
Tears welled up in your eyes as you finally allowed yourself to speak, the words spilling out like a dam breaking. You shared your anxiety, panic attacks, and the overwhelming sense of responsibility for your family's well-being.
Hawks listened intently, his red wings folding around you protectively as you poured out your heart. "You don't have to hide your pain. It's okay to be vulnerable."
"But what if they see me differently now since I moved out?" you whispered, fear lacing your voice. "What if they think I don't care about them anymore? What if they'll consider me weak if I tell them about my school?"
Hawks leaned closer, his feather-light touch soothing. "Strength isn't about never feeling weak. It's about facing your vulnerabilities and seeking support when you need it, even if you're a pro hero. And believe me, there's nothing weak about that. About the situation with your family - I'm sure they'll finally accept your decision about moving out. Give them time and with small gestures show them that you still care."
As you continued to talk, Hawks offered reassuring words, his presence a comforting anchor in the storm of your emotions. He spoke of his own struggles, sharing stories of the pressure and loneliness that came with being a hero. Hawks gently brushed his feathers against your cheek, a gesture filled with tenderness. "You're not alone in this, okay? I'll be here for you whenever you need me, and I'll support you through the tough times."
Tears streamed down your face as you gazed at him, grateful for his understanding. "Thank you, Keigo. I don't know what I would've done without you today."
He smiled softly, his golden eyes reflecting genuine care. "Anytime, kid. Remember, you've got wings of your own, and you can soar through anything."
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king-midas-fortnite · 5 months ago
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Hello. I assume there is little need for introduction, but I am Midas. I've recently returned from a brief..."sabbatical", shall we call it, in the Underworld.
My daughter, Jules thought it would be a good idea to keep a blog. Not sure why. Something about venting feelings, connecting with other people not in my crew, etc. Not exactly things I find very high priority, but I suppose it can't kill me. I'd know better than anyone what can, after all. And perhaps it'll make keeping tabs on people of interest easier...
Feel free to reach out, if you wish. Message me, tag me, whatever the case may be. I'll do my best to be active here. Whatever it takes to make my daughter happy. However, I am a busy man. Apologies if I miss anything.
((Keep reading for rules and notes!))
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Rules and guidelines for interacting!
1. This blog is run by an adult. I am 26, my main is @snippydippy. Please keep this in mind when interacting with me. I ask that minors please consider a different Midas.
I will use (()) to indicate when I'm speaking out of character in any posts!
2. I don't mind NSFW content myself, but may not answer questions or reblog content pertaining to sexually explicit topics to keep things relatively appropriate.
3. This blog may contain ship content, it may not. I have ships I like, they may not be the ones you do. While my version of Midas is cis, he's not straight (bi king). If this bothers you, I don't know what to tell you.
4. My DMs and asks will always be open! Please don't be shy, Midas won't bite. I'm down to RP in the reblogs with anyone! However, DM roleplays for other adults only, please.
5. This blog will always be skewed towards a more serious vibe. I take my characterization of Midas very seriously (more so than I probably should for a FN character lol). You won't find much in the way of him being a silly guy. Even if I find it funny, if I don't think a situation would be in character for my version of him, it won't happen.
That's it as far as my rules go aside from the obvious "don't be a dick" sentiments that I feel I shouldn't have to say. Thank you for reading them! Next are just a couple notes on my headcanons for Midas.
-Midas has some control over his Golden Touch. I think of the curse in a way that is similar to chronic pains. Some days, it is manageable, and he can touch whatever he'd like without issue. Some days, it is bad. He has to avoid people, can't eat, and struggles getting through mundane tasks without frustration.
I believe his curse may also be in part tied to his emotions. Any intense anger, sadness, or other strong feelings will make it harder to control the Touch, and it does cause him some amount of pain when it's out of control. (Doing mental gymnastics to explain why Fortnite itself isn't consistent with his power.)
-Jules means everything to Midas. He will do absolutely anything in his power to keep his daughter safe and to keep his relationship with her in good standing. He's wronged her in the past, and is doing all he can to make up for those actions and lost time.
-His time in the underworld changed him a bit. He's less cold to the people close to him. He allows more feeling than pure calculation into his thought processes, but a stranger may not be able to tell. Midas is a relatively closed off man. He does not wear his emotions on his sleeve, and doesn't often make friends without some kind of benefit to be had from the relationship. Be it power or connections. However, the friendships he does have mean a great deal to him. He is quick to provide aid in any way he can to those he cares about.
Another thing about his imprisonment in Hell: Time in the underworld was experienced differently. While we may have waited four years for Midas to return, for him it was much, much longer. Now that he is back, he is determined to never be put in chains ever again.
-My version of him obviously has not left the island after returning from the underworld, instead opting to stay as his curiosity for how things have changed has gotten the better of him. He wants to keep up with the power struggles, and find a way to insert himself back into them.
This blog is semi-independent! Some lore is shared with @perseus-ihatemydad-fortnite in that he helped Midas escape from the Underworld. As well as most often being seen interacting with @kado-fortnite and @valeria-fortnite
Tags I'll use!
#Midas Answers -For asks answered in character
#Midas Posts -For interactions in character
#Gold Reserves -In-character reblogs of art, aesthetic posts, etc.
#Gold Encounter -For interactions between other characters that are meant to be read as happening in-person/privately
#Journal Entries - For uh. For Journal Entries lol. These are, in a meta sense, private to him. They are for interactions that happen on the Discord server rather than Tumblr for reader convenience.
- 👑 for anon messages
#Shut your trap snippy -For posts like these that include me talking OOC (I know, long tag. It's just what I've been using on my main blog for years to tag my own garbage lol)
Screenshot in this post and my header are from @corvidazed 💛
Thank you for getting all the way down here! I hope our interactions are fun!
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