#this is somewhat less applicable to movies

[rabbiteclair]

i have a brain problem that prevents me from understanding people who need so much specifically newly-released TV shows that they're upset by the prospect of going a few months without new ones being produced

like they could stop making video games and books today and I wouldn't notice until sometime in 2026. honestly if they'd stop making new video games for a while that'd be kinda convenient. everyone take a break and let me catch up. I still haven't even played Persona 5.

[stayevildarling]

can i request a fic? i would like one where reader is falling in love with billie and found out she’s in a poly relationship with mina and delia and they slowly falling for reader too

(i love your sarah’s fics, youre so talented)

Billie Dean Howard x Cordelia Goode x Wilhemina Venable x Reader- Say yes to heaven

A/N: thank you very much for requesting this, hope you enjoy🤍

tags/tw: poly relationship, female reader, mention of heartbreak, mention of unrequited love, mention of smoking, hurt/angst/comfort/fluff, very slight nsfw mention at the end

word count: 5.5k

taglist:

@lunaticwhittaker , @billiebeanhoward , @lanawinters-ily , @kenzbro , @minaslittleone , @httpfiftyshadesofgay @whitelotus00 , @ninaahs , @paulsonsratched , @vintagepaulson , @isle-of-earle , @grilledcheeseandguavajelly , @lucyintheskywithxanax , @fanfics4world , @mymiraclewitch , @hazard-to-myself , @awritersometimes , @wastdstime , @p1pecleanerwitheyes , @queen2234 , @ihartnat , @lifebyinez , @ahsatanizgay , @blu3dimples , @stepintomyworld

If anyone would have told you about the turn your life was about to take when you finally decided to quit your toxic job a few months ago, you would have never believed them. It had been undeniably hard, finally accepting the change and moving on from what you assumed to maybe be a job where you can finally settle down. But it had taken everything from you and so you decided to move on, move cities altogether in order to get a fresh start. And when you had seen a job advert online, an assistant job with a decent pay, you decided to go for it, considering you really had nothing to lose at this point.

And so you had moved to New Orleans, welcome for the fresh start and change of seasons, having done all the interviews and the application process online and with a bit of time passing and luck ending up getting the job. Now, you had only after the application process found out you would be working for Ms Billie Dean Howard, medium to the stars with her own tv show. You had heard of her but never having enough time to actually watch her show or learn anything about her really. And so after moving into a hotel close to your new workplace, the housing situation way more complicated than you could have estimated, you began binge watching her show. With every episode, the woman became more likeable, her antics, her sarcasm but yet her abilities and bravery.

One month in and you had performed well, doing your research beforehand, knowing to follow Ms Howard throughout the day, taking care of any incoming phone calls or emails when she is filming, providing her with morning coffee, her lunch smoothie and usual order, varying from two places she liked. Sometimes she needed you to run some personal chores like her dry cleaning or queueing for a new designer bag she wanted as filming stopped her from doing so herself. And you didn‘t mind, knowing this was ultimately what you had applied for and always wanting to work in the movie industry and this somewhat being close to what you initially wanted and dreamed of.

The blonde medium had been nothing but kind to you, always looking you in the eye when talking to you, always knowing her manners when requesting something from you, always adding a please and thank you and meaning it. She was much less than a karen than most of the people in the online forums had wrote and you grew to like her over the first month. She got stressed a lot when filming wasn‘t running like it was supposed to, sometimes going through multiple packets of cigarettes a day and she would make sure to tell her crew off when they messed up but somehow she remained nothing but kind to you, never letting her mood affect her behaviour towards you in any way.

From the first minute you had laid eyes upon the blonde in person you had felt an unfamiliar feeling in your chest, a strange sense of longing for something you had never truly felt before but you brushed it off, focusing on your work instead. But with each passing week, something within you changed, the desire to make her happy, to perform well. Billie was undeniably a flirt, always a pick up line or a joke handy, her wide smile or smirk afterwards complimenting her words perfectly and making something within your stomach twist. But you knew it wasn‘t for you, knew it was simply her antics. But something changed within you when she would often linger her hands on you during a meeting, when her hand would brush against yours as you would pass her a cigarette between filming or how some pet name of endearment would so easily flow from her lips.

You knew you were falling for the blonde, of course not being oblivious to love even if you had maybe been a stranger to it over the past few years. You had the occasional flirt, one night stand but never truly experienced true love, not the book or movie kind. But Billie made you feel, she made your stomach flutter with butterflies, made your hands warm, your voice shaking and your eyes only find hers in a room full of filming crew and even the presence of ghosts nearby. You never felt scared stepping into an abandoned building as Billie made you feel safe, her mere presence enough to ground you and forget about what it was you are truly doing here. And for a little while, you had the feeling that maybe Billie liked you too as her smile eventually grew wider seeing you, the conversations between you two became more personal as she suddenly wanted to know every detail about you, wanting to get to know you outside from the professional standards. She would look at you the way you would look at her and she would undeniably flirt with you, her eyes never leaving yours when sedutively lighting a cigarette or her head on your shoulder as you drove her home after a rough night of filming.

That‘s until you found out she was in a relationship a few days ago. Her office suddenly coated with flowers for a new pickup of her show and you knew this was nothing special with the amount of fans and connections she had but this seemed more personal and when you saw the note sticking out, reading the contents, you figured what you had assumed by now. Billie had never directly mentioned anyone, sometimes giving hints and when you drove her home it was never to her studio apartment given by the company of her show. You had done some research and found out about the academy Billie seems to live in or share a home with someone and stumbled upon the headmistress, connecting the dots as the same name appeared on the note of the flowers. And you sighed, internally shaking your head at how stupid you had been, how you could have possibly fallen in love with your boss, let alone a celebrity who clearly could never be interested in you, having a life of her own while you still lived in the same hotel room from before.

Something changed within you and every day you tried forgetting about this, to push the daydreams and fantasies away, knowing the woman was taken. But you couldn‘t stop thinking about her blonde curls, the signature lipstick, the skirts. Her beautiful smile and how it would light up a room, how her hands would always steady you, how she was so kind despite all the odds and comments online. She was your sun, the thing to keep you going on a long day and making you smile even after returning to the silence and emptiness of your hotel room but now you were alone, forcing yourself to forget these feelings and it felt more lonely than ever before.

And Billie, being Billie she could tell something must have upset you, your usual bubbly personality replaced with something much quieter and drawn back than usual. She could tell you are miles away, still performing your job perfectly but not the friend and reason for her smiling lately that you had been before. She tried to figure it out a few times throughout her busy schedule, never really able to get five minutes to confront you about it. The blonde decided to call you into her office one evening, watching you stand there so sad and almost heartbroken that she couldn‘t quite cope with it. She had asked you over and over, almost begging you to tell her what had upset you so much but you wouldn‘t share, simply stare right past her and into the distance and she left it at that, there not being a whole lot she can do and letting you go for the night.

Now, only moments later when Billie decided to grab her purse and head back for the night, she glanced at the flowers and note which you had been staring at all along, at first assuming it was the windows. And thats when Billie finally connected the dots, your interest before, your obvious acknowledgment of her flirting and your shyness around her when it suddenly stopped around the time the flowers from Cordelia and Wilhemina arrived at her office. She sighs, as she makes her way home, thinking about a way she could fix this, undeniably caring about you and wanting nothing other than to see you happy, never wanting to see you so distant and sad like you had been the last few days.

When she returns home, both of her girlfriends, immediately notice over dinner that Billie was miles away, Cordelia gently taking her hand and encouraging her to open what had been bothering her for days now. And Billie was much more open compared to you, sharing her worries and what had happend, her two girlfriends listening intently. The medium hadn‘t stopped talking about you since you began working for her, telling them all about you, how she was fascinated by you and the two of them could tell she had grown a liking towards you as Billie never usually gushed about anyone like that, having been nothing but loyal in this relationship so far and changing her earlier antics in life especially when it comes to love and relationships.

The three of them had met through Billie‘s work, her and the headmistress of Miss Robichaux‘s Academy having made a few brief encounters before as well as Cordelia and Wilhemina from their past. A mutual dinner reunited them and introduced Billie to Wilhemina and after some months, one thing led to another and ever since then they had been official, sharing a home and their lives together, despite their respective and demanding careers. „Why don‘t we invite her over for dinner? I would love to get to know her“ Cordelia encourages, having made enough eye contact with Wilhemina to have the redheads consent as she equally had grown curious about the girl that Billie kept talking about.

„You‘re sure?“ Billie asks, both excitedly but also a little nervous which rarely happened with the medium. „What if she finds this weird?“ the blonde asks, abandoning their gazes. „Why darling? because she has a big crush on you and the feeling is mutual“ Wilhemina smirks, having been with the two of them long enough to see life a little more easier and casual than years before when she first met them and still carried the burdens that her life had put on her. „You know I would never-„ Billie begins but Cordelia shakes her head, squeezing her hand a little tighter. „We know love, but you both seem to care about each other and I really want to meet her if she feels comfortable“ the supreme encourages and Billie simply nods, smiling to herself a little before moving on with her evening.

The next day carries on it it‘s usual rhythm, picking up your bosses coffee order, before working on some emails and phone calls, arranging some meetings for Billie‘s promo tour before picking up her lunch order and following her around for the rest of the day while she is filming. Only in the evening, the two of you manage to actually talk as everyone had left for the night as Billie goes over her emails one more time while smoking a cigarette. „Is there anything else I can assist you with?“ you ask with your notebook neatly wrapped in your hand as you slip inside her office. „Yes darling, what are you doing on friday night?“ she asks curiously, as she stops the typing on her computer. The nickname sends you right into a spiral but you choose to ignore it, before furrowing your eyebrows. „Nothing, did I miss anything on the filming schedule?“ you ask wondering why she may need you to work late.

„Would you be free for dinner?“ she asks curiously, causing your cheeks to glow red as you sigh. „Billie-„ you begin but she cuts you off as she stands from her chair, abandoning her cigarette in a nearby ashtray. „Look I know that you saw these“ she points towards the flowers, getting straight to the point. „But it‘s a little more complicated than that.“ she explains but you shake your head, not in the mood for what she is about to suggest. „Look Ms. Howard, I‘m sorry but I can‘t do what you are asking me to. I can‘t go on a date with you while you are in a relationship“ you blurt out, missing the little smirk creeping up on her features. „Darling, I‘m not asking you on a date“ she clarifies, causing your cheeks to burn hot in embarrassment. Your mouth forms into an „o“ shape before she puts you out of your misery.

„It is true, I‘m in a relationship with two women but I like you and I have told them about you and they would like to get to know you, no date, just get to know my best assistant so far“ she clarifies and you try and look away, trying to cover both your embarrassment and the arousal at her mentioning two women instead of one, having been unsure of her exact sexuality so far and only assuming from your research. „Is that something you would like?“ she asks and despite your inner self screaming at you to decline, you find yourself nodding your head, causing her wide smile to spread across her features before her heels tap excitedly on the floor. „Great, 8pm and you know the adress of the academy?“ she questions and you nod before you both head home for the night.

Friday came much quicker as you had never really calculated how it was already wednesday when she asked and suddenly you find yourself in front of the large black iron gates, shortly after the front door, your palms sweaty, heart racing through your chest and your fist hovering above the door, too shy to knock, considering whether to simply run away and start a new life somewhere. But before you could even think about it further, the front door opens and the woman you had seen when doing your research stands before you, blonde hair just like Billie but longer, fuller and richer. Her aura is breathtaking, she is wearing some long flowy black pants, some boots and a blouse with some flowers. The scent of both cooking and vanilla and honey instantly greet you and you stand there shocked for a moment as if an angel had just greeted you to heaven.

„Hi there“ she greets you with a bright smile that could turn even your darkest of days brighter. „You must be Y/N, please come in“ she offers and you snap out of it, smiling politely before thanking her. „I‘m Cordelia and this is Miss Robichaux‘s Academy“ she explains as she leads you past the living room and into the kitchen with a large dining space. Inside the kitchen you are greeted with a largely decorated table, some flowers and enough wine on the table to last for several days. The scent of whoever‘s cooking this is makes your mouth water and you only then notice another presence in the room, still not Billie but you catch a glimpse of her smoking outside which was typical for your boss. „This is Wilhemina Venable“ Cordelia introduces you before she walks away to take care of the cooking for a moment longer.

„Hi, it‘s so nice to meet you, I‘m Y/N“ you introduce yourself, again forcing yourself to snap out of this and remain polite. The woman with red hair stands, holding onto a cane as she takes your hand, her eyes searching yours for a moment. Again you are taken back by her hair, the lilac coating her features and how she seemed different than the two, more mysterious, more private but yet inviting and strangely safe. You hold onto her hand way too long before you snap out of it, Billie‘s presence finally causing you to let go of the woman‘s hand. „Hi“ she beams, ushering you to sit before she pours everyone some wine and hands you a glass. „You aren‘t allergic to anything are you, darling?“ Cordelia asks and you shake your head before she begins serving you and you nervously take a rather large sip of wine, trying to calm your nerves a little bit.

Dinner begins casual and you are so glad about that, being able to get used to their intimidating presences despite their friendliness. But being around three gorgeous woman, one you undeniably had a crush on made you more nervous than you could ever admit. They begin to talk casually about their day, including you before they begin asking you some questions, enough to learn more about you but not enough to make you uncomfortable or make this seem like an interview. Cordelia asks about your upbringing, Billie wanting to know more about your profession and career before working for her and Wilhemina more curious about the things you enjoy, occasionally teasing how you managed to stay Billie‘s assistant for the last few months as she undeniably was demanding, which made Billie scoff but the rest of you three chuckle.

„So tell me, where do you live if you are new to New Orleans?“ Cordelia asks curiously and Billie nods then, only now having realized she had no idea where you lived or how far you had to commute to work every day. You suddenly pause, your bubbly and open conversation from before now a little more shy which doesn‘t go unnoticed by them. „I live nearby the office“ you explain, taking another sip of wine, not really wanting to get into that. „Which area?“ Wilhemina asks curiously, having noticed your uncomfortable posture but wanting to draw the answer from you nevertheless. „I live in a hotel“ you admit, knowing there was no point in denying this, especially after learning one of these woman is a witch and could probably for all you know read your thoughts and worse.

„What?“ Billie blurts out in shock, almost choking on her wine. „Why is that sweetie?“ Cordelia asks curiously, already so used to your presence that she never even realized the pet name. „When I moved here and even before I spent every hour of every day trying to find something but someone always beat me to it and so I had to choose between this mouldy basement or a hotel nearby and so I opted for that“ you admit, feeling a little embarrassed considering how the three of them had their lives together so well and yet here you are living in a hotel. „Why didn‘t you say anything?“ Billie asks almost a little furiously, before shaking her head disapprovingly. Cordelia glances at Wilhemina, the two of them always seeming to share the same thoughts. „We have plenty of rooms if you need“ she offers but you shake your head. „Oh I couldn‘t but thank you“ you explain.

„Well I have plenty of contacts so remind me on monday and we will find something“ Billie encourages before the redhead changes the subject which you are glad about, this having taken you off guard a little and undeniably making you feel a little shy and embarrassed. After some more desert and wine and hours of talking in the comfort of each other- which you never thought possible when walking into this place hours before- you are finally ready to head home. Billie parts ways with a hug, telling you how glad she is you could make it. Wilhemina gives you a friendly hand shake and Cordelia just opts to hug you before reassuring a million times that you could still drive and didn‘t need a taxi or help getting home. They made you promsie to text Billie when you are home safe and you agreed.

By the time you collapse into bed, sending your boss a quick text that you had made it home safely, your whole world feels upside down. Not only have you just had dinner with your boss who you had been falling for but also her not one but TWO girlfriends who are more gorgeous than the other. You couldn‘t shake the still lingering attraction towards Billie, how interesting Wilhemina was and how Cordelia was undeniably the sun. All evening, you had forced yourself to push the lingering thoughts away but as you lay in your bed staring at the ceiling, you can‘t help but think a little further about those three, wondering about their dynamics and thinking about how lucky they are to have found each other, knowing you would have to push your feelings for Billie away now, seeing her in a healthy and happy relationship with those two amazing women.

And so in the next few weeks you decide to move on with your life, focusing more on yourself outside of work, rather than cry at silly romantic movies after working and thinking of her. Of course you still felt for her but you wanted her to be happy but somehow you had made that bet without them. They invited you over for dinner more, feeling bad you had to eat on your own in that hotel, Cordelia showing you more around the academy and slowly revealing her witchcraft to you, which had you stunned. Wilhemina enjoyed the more quieter side of it all and after she had discovered your love for books, she often invited you to her private library within the coven, showing you original pieces that you had wanted to read for ages, allowing you to borrow whatever you may need, knowing you will always bring them back to her. And Billie would take you out outside of work more, brunches, breakfast, walks with her two girlfriends on the weekend.

After a few months of this, you finally felt like belonging somewhere, they had taken you in, always offering to let you sleep over at the coven and you accepted sometimes, especially after long movie nights with them or when having dinner and drinking way too much after and giggling until the late hours of the night with them. Eventually they knew everything about you, your passions, the things that made you smile, make you frown and make you cry. And you knew everything about them, Billie's courage and her obsession with shopping, which you had known before but after seeing her walk in wardrobe you realised the extent. You knew every detail about Cordelia, her upbringing, her witchcraft and how powerful she truly was, having shown you her magic more than once now, the two of you liking spending time in the greenhouse together. And Wilhemina had been bruised and beaten by life, her condition often causing her so much pain and you admired her courage, never having seen her sad before, never complaining and remaining strong despite life's challenges.

And until lately, you had been so caught up in the daze of it all, working for Billie and spending most of your free time with them that you never really realised how they would look at you. How Wilhemina would glance at you when you watched a movie together and how every single word coming out of your mouth was true perfection. How Cordelia's hands would so often linger on you, the feeling so safe and comforting that you never questioned it to begin with. And at last there was Billie who was ready to give you the entire world, her eyes sparkling in that same way when she had met Cordelia and Wilhemina. Maybe it was due to the type of their relationship, never thinking about them adding another person, let alone knowing whether that could work, but you had been so oblivious to it all and never noticed how just like you, they had been slowly falling for you.

It was late one night when you all had drank too much wine, Billie standing outside, the moonlight illuminating her features as she giggled and struggled to light her cigarette and you gladly assisted her, giggling alongside her. She suddenly got serious, looking at you with an expression that you didn't notice due to your state. ,,How come you don't have a special someone in your life?'' she asked out of the blue and you simply shrugged, unsure how to answer her question. ,,Have you ever considered looking beyond societies relationship standards?'' she asked but the two of you had been interrupted by Cordelia before you could answer and it never struck you all that much until a few weeks later.

The three of them noticed their mutual liking to you, instantly realising how well you fit with them, how your presence only completed them each in their own way and they couldn't hide the attraction towards you any longer. And so they had a long conversation about this, never having thought about adding another person and worrying what that may do to the nature of their relationship but they had talked it out, each of them just as willing and truly just as in love with you. And so they had asked you for dinner again, this time not at the academy but a place that they chose. And when you looked up the place and seeing how fancy it was, you know you needed to look presentable and so you had spent all day, dressing up for them, doing an extensive everything shower and adjusting yourself in order to remotely match their class and beauty.

,,Hop in babydoll'' Billie smiled as she pulled up in her car, Wilhemina and Cordelia meeting you there. ,,Wow'' she smiled as you sat beside her and she could get a proper look at you. ,,You look beautiful'' she praised, causing your cheeks to blush. And tonight was the first night where you couldn't be oblivious any longer to your own feelings. Seeing the three of them sitting beside and opposite you at dinner, the classy atmosphere only adding to their beauty. You couldn't deny how beautiful Wilhemina looked in her lilac dress, how Cordelia's smile lit up the whole restaurant and how undeniably attractive Billie looked tonight and how all sorts of thoughts linger on your mind. You had been clouded by finally feeling life and it's beauty in the last few months that only tonight you seem to realise your feelings for each one of them and the realisation startles you mid dinner, causing their voices to suddenly be muffled, your heart beating out of your chest and fighting the urge to cry, realising you could never have what they have.

Cordelia is the first one to notice, seeing your features drop, from the comfortable chatter and your smile, suddenly seeming so lost in your thoughts and her eyebrows furrow in that all too familiar way. ,,Darling, are you alright?'' she asks and despite them having used all sorts of pet names on you, tonight again you only seem to realise properly as it stings when you hear it leave her mouth. ,,I'm fine'' you muster up your best smile, focusing on your meal and engaging in their conversations in order to get through the night. And despite Cordelia's rule to never invade anyone's thoughts, your thoughts seem to linger on her mind as she hears your doubts, feels the sadness radiating off her and she glances at Wilhemina and Billie before giving them a signal. They had planned to bring this up with you tonight, planning to do it much later which causes the redhead and blonde some confusion but the supreme insists.

,,Y/N.. we meant to talk to you about something'' Cordelia begins before your attention focuses towards her, placing your knife and fork down as you had just finished your meal. ,,Of course'' you give her your attention, suddenly feeling the nerves at the seriousness of her tone. ,,We are so glad that Billie decided to introduce you to us darling, we really enjoy your company and we hope you feel the same'' she smiles and you return the smile before agreeing ,,Of course I do''. There is some silence before their eyes meet each other, unsure who was going to do the next part but Wilhemina takes over. ,,Now, we all know how you feel about Ms. Howard over here'' she smirks, causing your cheeks to burn red a little as it had become a bit of a joke between the four of you. ,,But if we aren't wrong, we think you may feel the same about us, little one?'' she asks, so gentle, so carefully as if you are the most fragile thing on the planet.

For a second your words get caught in your throat, feeling yours nerves but Billie's hands, who sits beside you, find yours underneath the table, holding it in place and making you feel safe. ,,Would it be bad if I do?'' you ask carefully, almost whispering, hoping you aren't reading this wrong and knowing you owe them honesty. ,,Quite the opposite babydoll'' Billie reassures, almost beaming at you a little before she carries on. ,,We like your company and to be honest, the three of us are a little crazy about you'' she admits and Cordelia and Wilhemina simply chuckle at Billie's word choice, despite the truth in it. ,,And we have talked this through for a while now, if you feel the same, we..'' she carries on but suddenly stops, unsure how to actually finish this sentence in order not to overwhelm you.

,,All Billie darling is trying to say is we like you a lot sweetie and if you feel the same way, we'd be so happy to explore this with you, see where it goes and welcome you into our home and hearts'' Cordelia finishes, her eyes slightly shining with tears, already knowing how you feel inside and hoping sincerly they aren't overwhelming you with this. And suddenly you sit there, your beautiful boss medium to the stars holding your hand with her two gorgeous partners as they offer you the world. Everything you had secretly wanted, every feeling you had been pushing down and pretended just simply didn't exist. They had been welcoming you into their lives months ago without question. spending their time and effort on you, and right now they are offering you the world and it causes you to freeze for a moment, unable to believe this isn't one of your dreams at night or even daydreams.

Your eyes meet both Cordelia and Wilhemina's, making sure they aren't kidding or messing with you but the honesty in their eyes and the glimmer of hope only confirms their statements from before. ,,All you have to say is yes to trying little one'' Wilhemina encourages, knowing this must be scary. ,,We will take it at your pace'' Cordelia encourages. And suddenly you smirk, unable to hide how you are truly feeling for a moment longer. ,,Yes'' you confirm and they all sigh in relief a little, Billie squeezing your hand a little tighter. ,,How about some champagne or dessert to celebrate?'' the medium offers and you suddenly find yourself glancing at her with an expression neither of them can quite make out. You lean in, your shy side suddenly gone, not able to hold this back any longer and wanting to feel what you had wanted for months now. Neither Cordelia or Wilhemina can quite make out what you are whispering in the mediums ear but from her both shocked and surprised reaction, they can only guess.

,,Right, seems like we are getting the bill and celebrating at home'' she reassures, coughing a little from your boldness and Wilhemina can't help but smirk, having assumed there was this side to you, having seen your lingering gaze on Billie's ass whenever she swayed her hips, seeing the way you look at Cordelia and herself and knowing exactly what you wanted, hence your choice of dress tonight. ,,Alright, let's take you home then little one'' the redhead confirms. And so within months your world had turned upside down, the job advert saving your life quite literally and giving you anything you could have ever wanted and dreamed of and so much more. And tonight you didn‘t hold back anymore, didn‘t hide your true feelings and let go, saying yes to them, saying yes to what you knew was going to be heaven.

[ogradyfilm]

Recently Viewed: The Zone of Interest

The Zone of Interest is a horror film.

That isn’t a “genre” classification, by the way; the movie lacks the “traditional” tropes and conventions commonly associated with the most narrow, stringent application of that (often reductive) label, which tends to conjure images of ghosts, ghouls, and machete-wielding maniacs. Still, the intent of the story is to terrify the audience—it simply accomplishes this goal through subtler means than, say, Friday the 13th or The Evil Dead. There is, for example, little explicit bloodshed; the atrocities occur almost entirely offscreen. Yet “implication” doesn’t dull the impact of the violence; on the contrary, it somehow feels more confrontational (albeit less exploitative) than outright showing mass graves and gallons of gore.

The narrative revolves around a series of chilling juxtapositions. Seemingly ordinary family meals and joyful birthday celebrations, for instance, are lent a sinister tone by virtue of the fact that the patriarch wears the uniform of a high-ranking SS officer. The mother, meanwhile, tends her garden, taking great pride in the colorful, fragrant flowers and bountiful vegetables; she then casually mentions that she hopes her plants and crops will eventually obscure the drab, dreary concrete wall at the rear of the property—a barrier that borders Auschwitz. Indeed, the protagonists literally live in the shadow of the notorious death camp. They dress themselves in clothing and jewelry confiscated from the Jewish prisoners; the eldest son has even made a hobby of collecting discarded gold teeth and dental plates. At night, the father stands on the back porch, enjoying a cigar as he watches the black smoke billowing above the crematorium chimneys—the perverse epitome of a professional admiring a “job well done.” The household servants—local girls hired from the nearby village—dutifully clear the silverware, scrub the floors, and polish the master’s boots, constantly tormented by the knowledge that their very survival depends upon the “benevolence” of their employers.

Director Jonathan Glazer observes the action with an unnervingly cold detachment. The predominantly static camera and rigidly symmetrical framing are reminiscent of the works of Roy Andersson and Chantal Akerman. This deliberately mundane, undramatic visual style emphasizes the inherent humanity of the subjects: they’re Nazis, yes, but they’re also people—a somewhat clichéd theme that nevertheless remains relevant and resonant. Anybody, after all, is capable of choosing evil; we must therefore be vigilant, lest we become history’s next monster.

Thus, The Zone of Interest is objective in its presentation, but not nonjudgmental. And that is a vital distinction.

[thehubby]

If you still have the opportunity, go see Godzilla Minus One in the theaters. Right now, most theaters are playing it are showing the Minus Color version of the movie, which is an added bonus. Reasons you should see this:

• It's a good movie. This isn't just a good Godzilla movie, it's a good movie overall. You could swap Godzilla out with an invading army, a natural disaster, or some other sort of applicable crisis and it would still be good watching. There's a real plot here with real people who have real problems outside of just a big monster. They are often flawed, especially our protagonist (who demonstrates PTSD in an uncomfortably believable way), but they're trying and they are generally likable. I wanted almost every human in King of the Monsters to die; they were that stupid and arrogant and unrelatable that it made humanity seem like it deserved extinction. Here, you want the characters to overcome their own problems -- and not all of them do. It's not a perfect plot, and I think the movie fumbles the ball at literally the very end, but it's a good story, and for a giant monster movie? This is a great story.

• Godzilla is terrifying. This may be the scariest Godzilla we've ever seen. Even if he's not as bizarre as Shin Godzilla or possibly not as strong as the Godzilla of the Monsterverse, his presence and strength compared to the world he exists in is overwhelming. Remember the opening of Evangelion with the third angel, Sachiel, an unstoppable, incomprehensible force attacking Tokyo-3, a city built to fight its kind with Evangelions in reserve and a confident military? Remember how that went? (It went very badly.) Now imagine that a creature like it instead attacks a Japan still reeling from its defeat during World War II, with a neutered military and a public with no shelters to flee to, no safety protocols. This Godzilla is massive, strong, resilient, and its breath weapon literally causes miniature atomic explosions to occur. In many Godzilla movies of the past 30-40 years, people are scared of Godzilla, sure, but here they are panicked, with good reason.

• The filmmakers understand less is more. Remember when Jedi were cool because they were rare and mysterious, and lightsabers only came out when stuff was really about to go down? Or how in the first movie Jaws only showed up occasionally and that's when it hit the fan? That's how it is here. Unlike in recent times, Godzilla is only a small portion of the film, an occasional force of nature that shows up, wrecks house and is then driven off or leaves. You don't get a chance to become tired of him or inured to his presence as a result. This sets up a palpable tension as you have no idea when Godzilla will next appear, and I admit I was somewhat false-started a few times from a thudding sound in the theater next to me that I thought could have been it approaching.

• It's practical and understandable. Modern Godzilla movies often use pseudo-futuristic technology like genetic cross-manipulation of alien species, cybernetic mind-transplanation, vocal analysis replication, oxygen destroyer bombs and other such nonsense to fight the giant monsters. The people of post-WWII Japan use real equipment and techniques to battle -- conventional weapons like guns and bombs, known gases like freon and carbon dioxide, underwater speakers. They use human ingenuity to form tactics that match the known science of the time and seem like rational leaps to make. They don't know if it's going to work! They are just desperate. The ships and planes featured are authentic and real. The suspension of disbelief is very easy to achieve here, which only accentuates how scary it would be to fight Godzilla when you don't have, like, military grade nuclear powered lasers or something.

• The Minus Color version looks astounding. Don't get me wrong, the color version looks great too (although like most modern kaiju movies, the color especially during energy and breath attacks is oversaturated), but they really put in an extra effort to give it the feel of the early black and white Godzilla movies. The resolution is toned down ever so slightly instead of the crispness of 4k; the light and dark contrast is balanced properly. You get more clarity into what you're watching and the subdued tones really match the despair and fear that people are going through. It really feels like, if we filmed the very first Godzilla movie in 1954 with modern cinematic techniques and CGI but black and white film, this is what we would have ended up with.

Ultimately, this is easily my favorite Godzilla reboot, and probably my favorite Godzilla movie. The original Godzilla of 1954 has a special place in my heart, and just as people should still appreciate Pac-Man even though Ms. Pac-Man made it obsolete, we should still appreciate that first movie. I just think this is, frankly, better in just about every way (although they deviate from the original creature design in a couple ways I'm not thrilled on). If you must have monster-on-monster action, then either Destroy All Monsters from 1968 or King of the Monsters from 2019 are what you're looking for, but you'll have to sit through ridiculous plots (and sometimes infuriating people) in both cases to get your fix. I'll hope for a sequel from these folks.

[gameshowtrainwreck]

A step by step guide to making something with a niche application in Godot 4, as laid out like a cooking blog giving you a recipe (with art elements I've made for it)

A person has to have influences. Not just in who inspires them to create art, but who inspires them in their planning their avenues of attack, their planning, their sheer fuckin' gumption.  the utter balls they have to even show up after that nonsense they pulled last week. Nobody has ever said that about me, but life has a way of beating every last ounce of shame out of a person to the point where they feel there is the chance that could happen.

In my case, there are the people i think those who know me would say i would pick: people in game shows, people for whom 'bastard' has been an exclamation of both high praise and low curse. People like Jay Wolpert, for being perhaps the most experimental producer in an especially commercial genre (Whew, Shopping Spree, for attempting to make Trivial Pursit somehow exciting to watch instead of just to play); Bob Stewart, for being the man in the right place at the right time (one of those times was hearing Monty Hall tell him that old man goodson was looking for people); Reg Grundy, the aussie tv producer who would go on research trips to new york, spending the entire week in a hotel room with a copy of tv guide, a pen, and a composition book with a masking tape label bearing the caution of "original game show ideas do not steal" —and i am totally not hating on Grundy for that; IANAL but I've observed enough of it to make the opinion that you can protect how a game looks, reads, and sounds, but games are processes, and the intellectual property system here in the US does not protect the processes of baking a cake/formulating a fragrance/giving away merchandise to members of the general public according to arbitrarily set metrics presented as competitions of skill.

There have been at least two or three court cases where somebody *tried* to sue one show for being "too much like" another game show, but those what weren't settled out of court (most recently Tokyo Broadcasting System vs Endemol over Wipeout being too much like Takeshi's Castle), were dismissed outright (e.g. Chuck Barris vs Haim Saban, over the defendant's I'm Telling being too much like The Newlywed Game. The judge said nobody had a claim on inane bullshit and told all parties involved to stop wasting the court's time). Hell, it's the reason why Words With Friends was left unscathed (and eventually bought out) by Hasbro while Scrabulous had to shut down– Scrabulous danced a little to close of the “reasonable person” argument, in that there were actual ways people *could* confuse Scrabulous for Scrabble in that they used a similar board layout, similar scoring, etc.

But my influences extend beyond game shows, like film director/producer william castle, probably the most successful boilermaker hollywood could ever offer out of postwar america; there was a talk he gave to a college class. even though you might be able to tell in the speech that he felt somewhat disrespected by a class who knew him just from the movies he directed, he gave advice that stuck with me, even if the exact quote has peeled off in a couple of places in my mind from age: 'a producer is someone who is willing to step into any role in a project to see it through to completion.’ and I would say that's not just useful for having an understanding of how it all works, but it is incredibly important for a producer to learn patience, especially for anybody a producer works with. By learning how to edit, learning how to direct, and so on, you have an appreciation for the skills you're only just dipping your toes in; these are people who committed to that particular role and they are no less worthy of the patience, respect, and money that you would want for yourself for this.

Which has been why I've been learning Godot 4. That, and I am both too fucking broke to pay anybody else. Also there's the ifetime of neurodivergent trauma has made hyperindependence A Thing for me. That self-reliance, the rural Appalachian definition of it at least, is a Key Sign of Adulthood, and that an inability to do everything on your own is a choice of slothfulness. I can't ask people for help when I am still trying to figure out what it is I need help with. And if I hate being asked to help with no ready instructions on what to do, why would I want to put anybody else through the same thing?

So I try to learn it all and do it all. It's why a man in his 40s is just starting out in a career that most everybody else in his peer group are developing midlife crises over. It's why a man who has worked what was available hasn't been able to work what he wants to do, and why he still weeps at the end of the day over the years where it turned out he wasn't lazy or flawed or worthless, but had to work even harder just to get the same level of normal everybody else had no trouble managing.

I've also got in the habit of writing the stuff I've learned down, so if anybody else is looking to do the same thing, maybe they will have more time and energy to get to places I've not been able to find because I've had to do this, first.

So, if anyone is inclined/interested in making their own quiz projects, or just having a goofy little graphical element to represent a value within a game they are building, here's the workflow I've found so far for making trilons (the old fashioned flippy boxes like you see on $25,000 Pyramid) in Godot4:

(1) Make a new 3d scene. Add a new MeshInstance3D node to it, Look in the Inspector for the mesh just created > look for Mesh in the first entry > click the dropdown box next to it > select New Prism Mesh. Set initial mesh dimensions 1:0.866:1-- whatever changes made after this will keep things conforming to these initial proportions.

(2) find center mass: adjust it along your pivot axis by half of the height ( 0.866*0.5, or 0.433; look for inspector > transform > position > y-axis), then take that result and subtract the height, divided by 3 (0.433 - (0.866/3), or 0.144 in the same field)

(3) make your initial positioning; depending on where and how you wanna put it, the info i need to display on this is a maximum of three lines of text with some graphical highlights added. A landscape orientation will be what I need here. to that end, i set the rotation on the y-axis field to 90, so that only one face is visible to the camera when seen from the front. The pivot for its initial/"home" position itself will be done later.

(4) size it to spec; because we set the initial dimensions in step one, we can use the scale fields to size it to the specifications and still keep things equilateral. In the layout I've designed, I will need three of these, the faces of which being 295x95 pixels. Each face will need to be able to fit these proportions, so the x axis needs to stay at 1, the y-axis needs to be requested height divided by 100 (95/100 or 0.95 inspector > transform > scale > y-axis), the z-axis needs to be the width done the same way (295/100 or 2.95, next field over)

(5) create the controller; create a new Node3D, set the MeshInstance3D as a child to it. this will be what will have the animations attached to it later on. I renamed mine to 'controller,' because I lack an imagination at three-thirty in the morning.

(6) Set its starting position; change focus from the MeshInstance3D to its adoptive parent, bringing its fields up in the inspector. The default state needs to have one face as the only one being visible. The easiest thing I have found to do, especially considering the animations I need to set for this, is setting inspector > transform > rotation > x-axis to -90 degrees, as the animation player gets a little screwy if it tries to go beyond 360, plus or minus. it's a thing, i don't sweat it.

(7) Create the animations. Add an AnimationPlayer node to bring up the Animations panel, then choose the controller node. This will move the entire mesh by the center pivot we set earlier. 

You should notice a key icon in each heading of the transform section of the Inspector, that's for setting keyframes. Go to the Animation pane > click the "animation" button next to the greyed out dropdown box. In the menu that pops up, choose "new animation." 

(7b) For this, since I've got 3 faces on this (and it's possible to use more, it's possible to just have one plane, double-sided. I just figured a trilon was as good a starting place as any), there needs to be 3 seperate stops: from the 1st face to the 2nd; 2nd to the 3rd; etc. that's 120 degrees between each stop. For the first animation, I click the key under 'transform' (and it may ask you to confirm that you're starting a new animation track, it's okay). There should be a checkbox with the word 'rotation' and a dot next to the border of the timeline. 

(7c) Next, advance the animation shuttle (it's that blue stick that glides along the animation timeline whenever you hit the play button) to the other, accessable end of the timeline (it defaults to one second but you can change it), and then add 120 degrees to the x-axis rotation (should be showing 30 degrees). Click the key again to set the ending keyframe. Godot will now rotate the mesh from the position you gave it to start on to the position you gave it to end on. 

Repeat that until you've made animations moving along all three stops. A reset animation will be really handy here, as the default state will be showing a 'blank' graphic I made for this, so any time I need to introduce a new category with it, it will snap back to the ready state.

(7d, optional) I went ahead and made duplicate animations to speed up the rotation to make it seem a little more dramatic as mood dictates-- I went through and selected each animation from the dropdown box, clicked the animation button, and chose 'duplicate.'

it will ask you to give this duplicate a name, and I just attached the word 'snap' to it. I changed the overall length to .3 seconds, and adjusted the position of the ending keyframe on the timeline by clicking on the appropriate dot on the timeline, and changing the value for 'time' in the inspector to the end of the animation (.3).

Will I need to snap-flip whenever an ordinary category is played? Probably not, but I will need that snap-flip to happen if a modifier comes attached to the category (e.g. offering free picks at the board or doubling the value of the pot on a successful contract). I'd sooner have something and not need it as need it and not have it.

(8) Save the scene. 

As of right now, I admit this is only half-useful; I have the mechanics but no way of putting graphics on each individual face of this trilon. Trying to set a texture via the MeshInstance3D > Material > NewStandardMaterial3D > Albedo will just use that one graphic and stretch it across the entire mesh.

From what I understand, I will need to build a custom shader that will divide the face into three, and swap the individual graphics out as the state of play and game logic require. 

When I figure out how to do that, I'll put up what I did to get there.

For now, have a couple pieces of my poor craftsmanship:

[sukimas]

also in general people are bad at saying their actual stances on moral issues and sticking to them instead of coming up with justifications that sound worse to a disinterested third party but when you dig into them are somewhat hypocritical.

for example, let's take the bad wizard game. it's generally not a good thing to play the bad wizard game if you are friends with people who are transgender or jewish and who are part of the current cultural zeitgeist; you will likely make these people feel like you do not care about their own personal safety, as you are participating in media created by a person who has shown some animosity to each of these groups. if you are on tumblr dot com, you probably have friends who are part of the current cultural zeitgeist and one of these groups, so it's a good idea not to play it.

this is a fair and convincing argument. however, there are other dimensions to the discourse around the bad wizard game, that are not so well thought out, and may not do a very good job at convincing someone who fits the above descriptors not to play the game.

argument one that isn't very good is using the author of the original work's funding to hate groups. while it is a very bad thing to support someone who donates to hate groups, this is not a particularly uncommon thing, especially among AAA games and media in general; for example, back before the author's bigoted views became known, if one used this argument it would have been unethical to watch the original wizard movies (as the walt disney corporation donates to hate groups). however, there is not a similar amount of focus placed on avoiding other individuals and groups who donate to hate groups (as it is exceedingly difficult to do so in total. though i certainly like to think that i avoid doing such things (though more as a matter of luck than anything else), as i was never a huge fan of the bad wizard books, who knows: nintendo may have donated to japan's LDP without me being aware of it.) therefore, people may find this argument less strong than it would be in a vacuum.

argument two that isn't very good generally stems from a counterargument to the above argument. "i intend to pirate the game, therefore my money will not be going to hate groups" is an argument that works perfectly well as a counter to argument one. the usual counter to this is not, in fact, that you will likely make the people in your life feel unsafe; the most common counter that i've seen is that because the media contains tells of the original author's ideology, that players may be influenced to said ideology by playing it. this is only part of a cluster of arguments that i'll call the "irredeemable media" arguments, but suffice it to say that they generally aren't very consistent with each other (let alone argument one.)

the actual reasoning behind why you shouldn't play the bad wizard game does have a flaw, though: it logically follows from it that if you pirate the bad wizard game and play it completely secretly, it will not harm anyone. this is likely to make people who care about transgender and jewish people extremely uncomfortable; it feels bad that there is a circumstance where it will be completely harmless to enjoy a product that a genuinely awful person had a hand in creating. therefore, people reach for more universal arguments (like arguments one and two), yet undermine the point that they're actually trying to make.

this is a general flaw in most internet ethics arguments: because the true argument against doing something isn't universal (just, well, mostly applicable to almost anyone you encounter on the internet) people are capable of arguing against it. but this is a trick.

"i have trans and jewish friends who are a-ok with me playing the bad wizard game" does not actually counter the argument of "well, the majority of trans and jewish people on the internet will not be a-ok with people who play the bad wizard game, and therefore you will suffer the consequence of people who are not a-ok with it (for extremely understandable reasons) not wanting to be around you anymore, and they may consider you an unsafe person to be around in general."

just because someone can give you a singular counterexample to a good argument does not mean that that is not a good and true argument to use. it's always better to argue from the perspective of truth rather than the perspective that will convince the most people, because if people realize you are not being truthful they will not be convinced by the latter method, and may not listen to future arguments you make on ethics.

tl:dr; make good arguments for your points for once in your miserable life

[afuaama]

So, I watched Nope and They Cloned Tyrone for the first time, in the same month. Both are Black-American surrealism, sci-fi film, surreal Twilight Zone-esque films, all that I love. They both make messages to/about Black-American cultural facets. As a Black-American I somewhat approve when it's done sharply. They Cloned Tyrone - This movie talked too much. Too heavy-handed. Way too 'on the nose' with the symbolism and message. Felt like I was being force-feed a ham-fisted sandwich. I felt like I was being preached at or patronized to with the hair relaxer, fried chicken, the church and club scene. I also didn't prefer the comedy. We get it *eye roll.* I also hate when I can put a story together or when a (Black) message film directly tells me how to interpret its message, leaving no room for mystery or other application. Got frustrated and bored by the pimp-on-the-car scene. Although I agree with the points made I prefer less direct pointing-things-out when making them. Could be the film was for a different audience and with a different style that's not me (Black isn't a monolith, so.) Overall, felt like a lesser Get Out or an M. Night Shyamalan film. Meh. Disappointed :/ Nope - A quieter film. Left me guessing and I enjoy figuring out, being psychologically conflicted, and mind games for entertainment. Better writing. "One monkey don't stop the show." = hahahaha. A classic~ Tighter story than Us (didn't enjoy that one. Clumsy storytelling.) The father-son dynamic was nice, as was the ending. Oddly, felt like a long TV show? More cerebral than TCT, but maybe too much so. My family liked Nope and kept asking "wtf is this supposed to be about?" I gave my interpretation about feral animals, entities forced to perform for (White) audiences, and forgotten Black influence in Hollywood? What did they think? They disliked Annihilation, another surreal sci-fi film, with a "theme," yet I found myself oddly drawn to it, like an ugly-handsome person. I liked how we could see different things and maybe liked this more than Get Out simply because it was tighter/simpler. Made me look at my own art and dolls/soft sculptures and ask myself "How would people see this?" Maybe Nope was more like a commercial art film than TCT. Pleasantly surprised :)

[tanddiscord]

While I do not disagree with the premise that saying girls "mature faster" is both harmful and deeply inaccurate, but I find the rest of this unsatisfactory, for a number of reasons. First of, it is equally harmful to both boys and girls, and their development. Secondly, the way in which it is harmful, is, I imagine, quite different. I feel that the core problem lies not in 'romanticizations', but rather, in simply giving inaccurate expectations and a skewed view of the world.

Because there is a grain of truth behind this wrong statement 'girls mature faster than boys', namely that, on average, they mature faster In Certain Aspects, and this is key. Emotional development is not a single line going up, throughout one's puberty, but rather, a grand collection of various minute parts of maturity, all wildly fluctuating, while the sum of these slowly rises towards maturity.

Not only will children develop out of sync with their peers, but also with themselves for instance, 'Alice', might be very mature for her age, and be a responsible little lady, perfectly able to look after her younger siblings, while 'Beatrice' is unfit even to look after herself... While at the same time, 'Alice' has no understanding, application or interest in romance, while 'Beatrice' is already deep into teenage infatuation, only for the two of them to, years later, catch up with each other in both these regards, and both be equally mature in both aspects. It might, during those years they are out of sync, be easy to say 'Alice' or 'Beatrice' is the more mature one, while the simple truth is they are both mature and immature because the path to adulthood is quite the complex one...

But at the same time, a single child might one month display emotional maturity that is deeply impressive, being well reasoned and open about their feelings... Only to then become immature for a while. It is the nature of things.

The simple truth is that these mismatches in synchronisation, do have some patterns that roughly translate onto the genders. There are ways in which boys, on the whole, mature earlier than girls, and ways in which girls, on the whole, mature earlier than boys. And THIS is why its harmful to say one matures before the other, because it equates what cannot be equated. To compare and measure one form of maturity against each other is as futile as comparing apples to oranges, and far more harmful. For it places undue weight on certain aspects of maturity, and undue expectations upon children to meet these milestones of maturity. each child is unique and will mature in a unique way, and it falls to us adults to not make that maturing more challenging than it already is, without expectations and phrasings. Thirdly, the rest of the points are pure hogwash. While, indeed, there are certain aspects of our society that does condition girls and women to be self-sacrificing, in quite unfortunate ways, this is simply not one of them. It DOES carry a slight expectation to rise above the 'immaturity' of boys, but is this, in of itself, so horrible? To rise above immaturity is a lesson we should be teaching boys and girls. There is great power in simply walking away from a confrontation or otherwise uncomfortable situation. But I digress. This notion that simply being told they're expected to be more mature as children is a major contributor to adult women victimizing themselves appears to me somewhat laughable, and the idea that this directly relates to the prevalence of the idea that it falls on women to fix broken men appears to have been conjured out of thin air. Look instead to our fiction for this, movies, tv shows, books, particularly those marketed towards young men and women, are awash with these tropes. More fair, by far, to blame the action movie and the young adult romance novel, than to blame undue expectations of maturity in a pubescant child. To summarise: While certainly less than ideal, the inaccurate simplifications people make of how maturity manifests in developing minds, and of the patterns that one might spot when looking at it through a gendered lens, bear no responsibility for the ills that hereupon have been placed upon it.

Teach them better

[mary-janewagner]

I got fired yesterday

“You are more trouble than you are a help” was what she said when she randomly called me a few hours before I was supposed to show up at the bar. I had not even worked there a whole month, but now have to again be writing job applications. Though my coworkers were weirdly passive aggressive to me from the beginning on - which I thought to be because they are just like how typical German urban people in their twenties are like here (entitled, privileged and lacking a sense of humour) I certainly did not expect to be laid off from that job really. In fact, I thought I was doing pretty well actually, was enjoying that work and looking forward to spend my summer nights in that bar.

Jas and me are sitting in this cafe that is attached to the movie theatre right now. We just had a pancake and a lentil soup after spending the day at different cafes being more or less productive...

Now, it is the next day. We watched The End We Start From. It was only us, a couple that was sitting close to us a few days ago at the library and some random guy in the tiny theatre hall. I had never heard of the movie before and the main reason we decided watching it was that it was being shown in English. I found it to be a good movie, thought provoking. The protagonists were (somewhat) white, priviledged urban people. That did not save them from being completely helpless against the floods though. The movie portrayed how natural disasters truly make us equal. With climate chance they will occur more frequently and in places we are not yet used to them occuring in. People literally sitting in the same boat.

My mood got very serious and pessimist throughout watching the movie. Do I want to set children into this world in which it seems a safe future even in our priviledged western societies cannot be taken for granted? How can I ensure a safe future for myself and my possible future family? Now that it's the first time I am with a partner with whom I could actually imagine a future together those questions suddenly feel so real.

Nowadays I read a lot about migration. I am taking this course on Migration and Belonging in Political Theory with that professor whom I absolutely adore. She is a great role model for me and my main motivation showing up and participating - something I have had a hard time doing throughout the past two years that I am studying already - is just to make her like me really. Ideally I would like to work for her, but that job is already taken by one of my fellow students. He though is not too appreciative of that student assistant job - he himself complained about it to me. However, with migration I have found a topic that I am hugely interested in. It is a phenomenon that with climate chance will become more and more present that it is already now.

Last week I applied to a student job of a another professor at the political science institute though - and she also works on migration! I got to know about the position being vacant through a researcher of political science who knows me through a series of absurd and akward situations rather than through university itself. Most importantly though he had me on mind when it came to this, which I greatly appreciate. Though I am not as advanced in my studies as I should be, having procrastinated a lot indeed, in the past two years my social and political engagement in two organisations in which I had leading positions and another friendship I made to a researcher in law (who at some point even was my partner) allowed me to gather precious experience as an event organisor and student assistant already. Especially the latter friendship enabled me to have very unique insights into research and academic life having observed the process of publishing a book with Oxford University Press, having helped organising an international academic conference inviting 13 prestigious researchers to my university and most interestingly: having lived in a New English town for three months already, taking part at seminars and lectures of very known professors.

Being back in Germany since April my claim was concentrating on my studies completely, being focused and extremly disciplined. For about two months I managed that pretty well: I had two jobs, was showing up to my courses, ate healthily, practiced a new sport (rowing) and helped the old British Gentleman that I am living with. Throughout the past weeks though I have been lenient. It was when Jas arrived from the US that I became distracted. So far I have not managed to get back on track yet. I do not necessarily regret the time we spent in different cities in which I showed him around, we went to art galleries, book stores or concerts or us going to all different cafés and bars of this very town. But I have troubles focusing again. It is time to get serious and become disciplined again though. I simply cannot afford procrastinating in my studies anymore. I have to make progress. This town eventually is becoming to small, I know too many people here, I want to become somebody myself, want my degree. If I manage to stay consistent I will be able to finish my Bachelor's aged 23, which I guess is still fair enough. Especially if one considers the experiences I made living in the US, travelling in general, being involved in projects and organisations and working several jobs.

I started this blog to remind me to keep going every day. Since February I publish my ramblings on tumblr already. I felt the need to make a new blog in which I be more concrete about my life as a student, write less about certain private parts of my life. I just want it to be able to be publicaly read. It will hard for me to distinguish in my writings and finding out which contents fit which blogs, but it will also make me feel more secure, being less explicit publicly, but more detailed about scientific/professional topics or cultural observations I make.

That being said I feel much lighter now and will hopefully make myself spend the rest of the day studying.

[praebitorem-glaciei]

and all of them for alee. of course.

of course.

Ask Game!

Are there any names they like to be called in bed/names they call their partner? Any names they wouldn’t use/can’t stand?

LOVESSSS petnames. It depends on who he's having sex with or what position hes in but- usually Vesper gets authoritative names while he gets submissive ones. That being said his daddy kink and "good boy~" thing goes BOTH ways, so he loooves that.

He cannot stand being called cute. It causes a trauma response.

Are they a “the socks stay on during sex” kind of person?

He usually wears sexy thigh highs for the purpose of keeping his socks on lol-

Quickies vs Planned sex—thoughts?

Prefers planned sex, but doesn't mind quickies.

Are they more of a dom, sub, or switch? If applicable, are they a top, bottom, or vers?

Switch + bottom leaning vers. He's a huge huge sadomasochist.

Do they have any really out-of-left-field kinks/fantasies? Maybe even something that they wouldn’t necessarily want to act on but have still thought about?

Uhm his death kink probably. And he /has/ acted on it. The endorphin rush as he dies + the temporary relief from the voices in his head makes it a very alluring kink.

Being immortal makes this kink somewhat like, less bad? He always comes back. BUT..... uh, it goes hand in hand with necrophilia cause he doesn't mind(in fact encourages) his body continuing to be used if his partner still wants more.

Also; Cannibalism.

Any place they absolutely would not have sex?

Nah lol, not anymore. He had sex on the cathedral altar, he's sinned enough not to care.

Are they into (consensual) pain during sex? Either giving or receiving

Mhm, giving and receiving. Iirc Vesper has a thing about knives? So xe isn't cutting him, but I know like. Lumio definitely is. Besides that, hair pulling, SCRATCHING, spanking, hard squeezing, BITING, ect. He likes to give and take.

How often do they have sex dreams?

Not often, he mostly just has nightmares.

What’s their favorite way to get in the mood? How do they set the mood?

TOUCH HIS THIGHSSS, they're sooo sensitive...

Are they down for casual one-night stands?

absolutely not.

Are they attracted to anyone (specific person or just negative qualities) they really shouldn’t be?

Mieran lol- spouse's best friend...

Would they be more or less likely to send a risky/risque text to their partner in the middle of a crowded/public area?

More likely<3 He lovesss doing it to Vesu~

Morning vs evening sex—do they have a preference?

Evening, both night owls yk-

If they send nudes, are they tasteful or just quick pics?

Tasteful<3

Describe their favorite sexual encounter.

When he and Vesper first had sex as an actual couple and not just as friends with benefits.

Describe their least favorite/most embarassing sexual encounter.

being raped but if we're talking his consensual sexual encounters, then that time Mieran accidentally triggered him by being too rough without clearing it first. It really really fucked him up.

What’s their go-to safe word?

"Champagne"

Their favorite actions during sex—chin-grabbing, hair-pulling, wrists being pinned, etc.

Scratching, biting, and hair pulling<3

When they “dress-up” for sex, what’s their go-to outfit? Lingerie, suit, gown, etc.?

Lingerie and his collar + leash. Each of his lovers has a specific colour coded to them and he likes to use that to his advantage<3

What do they like seeing their partner in when they “dress-up?”

Vesper in a suit........mmm..

What scent of candle do they light after sex?

Something light, vanilla maybe.

Favorite thing/part about sex—intimacy, role-playing, etc.

Being creampied. (sighs) but anyways its the intimacy lol- hold his hand and he'll never leave you

Least favorite thing/part about sex—cleanup, setup, etc.

Clean up. He's always gettin' creampied which is great in the moment but you gotta clean his cunt, the offending dick, the sheets-

A song they would fuck/get fucked to

Horror movies.

Share a sample line of dirty-talk

"Oh come on, darling~ You wanna be good for me, don't you~?"

[govindhtech]

Apple’s best iMessage Apps for Android phone and ios

Apple created iMessage apps for its smartphones.  It lets consumers send free text messages, photos, movies, and other documents to other Apple users over the internet and other papers. It is popular among Apple iPhone and iPad users because to its functionality and the attractiveness of keeping talks inside Apple.

What is an imessage app?

IMessage apps are little programmes that enhance the features of Apple devices’ Messages app. They let you do things like make polls, play games, exchange GIFs, and even transfer money right from a chat.

Key features of iMessage include:

You may send free text messages, images, and videos to other Apple users with an internet connection. This is a great way to cut message costs.

End-to-end encryption: iMessage apps protects your digital messages from unwanted access. This means only the sender and recipient can view the messages.

Group texting allows several people to chat. This is great for communicating with friends and family.

Some iMessage apps: You may add several iMessage apps to Messages. These apps are downloadable. These apps let you send GIFs, play games, and exchange money.

You can check when your messages were delivered and received using delivery and read receipts. Knowing whether someone saw your message may be helpful.

However, iMessage has restrictions:

For compatibility reasons, iMessage can only be used between Apple devices. Windows and Android can’t receive iMessages.

Being green with Android users is possible: If you send an SMS or MMS to someone without an iPhone or iPad, your carrier may charge you. These messages will be green in iMessages instead of blue.

Apple adds new features to its popular iPhone texting software, iMessage, practically year. It seems that most iPhone users are uninformed of the iMessage apps purpose. Users may create stickers by stacking emoticons and email them to friends and family. If you’re unfamiliar with iOS 17, use the hidden feature on your iPhone.

There is a very cool hidden feature in iMessage for iOS devices that allows you to create a sticker out of emojis.

imessage sticker app

A function that was only recently found is somewhat comparable to the emoji kitchen on Android, although it is far less complicated. There are, nevertheless, significant distinctions between the two. To provide an example, the emoji kitchen application for Android can generate a brand-new emoji, but the iMessage app on the iPhone may just produce a sticker by stacking one emoji on top of another. On the other hand, it is astounding that the functionality has stayed concealed inside the iMessage programme for iOS.

Since it doesn’t work on SMS messages, you’ll need Apple’s iMessage programme to test it. You must first send an emoji to a family member or close friend. From now on, just open up the keyboard, choose an extra emoji, and drag it over the one you gave the recipient. It is possible to construct a sticker by repeating the technique with a number of different emojis.

The most advantageous aspect of the tool is that it is really easy to use, and all that is required of users is to just drag and drop their preferred emoji on top of each other. The sticker may also be made bigger by using the other finger, which is another option available to you. Simply keep your other finger on the emoji and move it outward while holding it. The emoji will turn along with you if you spin your finger in the appropriate direction.

Top imessage apps

These popular iMessage applications are among many amazing ones:

GIPHY

GIPHY makes iMessages fun and personal. You can search and share GIFs from the internet with GIPHY.

Zen Koi 2

Play this calm iMessage game with friends.Zen Koi 2 allows you swim across a beautiful aquatic landscape as a koi. For unwinding after a hard day, the game is peaceful and engrossing.

iMessage Polls

Get instant input from friends using iMessage Polls. You may build 10-option polls using Polls for iMessage. After creating your poll, send it to friends over iMessage.

Sticker.Place

Awesome for finding and sharing iMessage stickers. Sticker.Place features humorous, adorable, and seasonal stickers.

Venmo

Venmo is wonderful for sending and receiving money with pals. Venmo makes it easy to share bills, pay for supper, or transfer money.

Having a good time and entertaining

Games

A variety of games, like as card and board games and casual games, are accessible as iMessage applications. Several well-liked choices consist of:

You may challenge your pals to a round of scrabble in the timeless word game Words With pals Forever.

Cobi Hoops is an entertaining and competitive hoops game that you may play with your pals.

A timeless party game that’s great for playing via iMessage with pals is truth or dare.

These are some of the best iMessage applications. Many applications are available, so you’re likely to discover one you like. Browse the App Store for more iMessage applications.

Read more on Govindhtech.com

[bersergner-blog]

Sources & Significance 1_1.12 - Reader

Kushner, D. (2003) ‘Masters of Doom’

In this book the author charts the inception and creation of id software and their games Commander Keen, DOOM, DOOM II, Quake & Quake 2. It also covers the history of John Carmack and John Romero before carving out their name in gaming history as well as the follow up of the breakdown of their professional relationship. I found this book extremely illustrative in helping me understand the pioneering mindset and attitude of early game design as well as historical approaches to story and gameplay in video games (the famous and since disavowed quote of: “Story in a game is like a story in a porn movie. It's expected to be there, but it's not that important” - John Carmack as a starting example).

Williams, W. ‘Significant Zero’

Penned by the writer behind Spec-Ops: The Line this book is a written manifesto of his experience on the way to and through the AAA Game development scene. It is filled with funny anecdotes and harrowing personal tales of the pressures of the industry. He goes into detail regarding writing and designing characters and the soul-crushing limitations producers will put on your ability to express yourself as well as the high highs of shipping a game and pouring your heart and soul into your work. A fantastic read although I would have liked a little less background a little more focus on game design.

Storr, W. ‘The Science of Storytelling’

This incredible book is full of insight into stories. From why we tell them, to how and why we react to them the way we do. It has some fascinating sections regarding improving your writing, from structure, tense and characters across perspective, flow and most importantly how to make the most of every word. It made me realise that I was vastly over-complicating my writing and bogging it down in unnecessary detail. It is also edited exceptionally well, making for a very smooth read that provides a lot of scientific data while making it very digestible. A great choice for anyone wishing to understand the process of writing better.

Figgis, M. ‘The Thirty-Six Dramatic Situations’

Based on the classic 32 dramatic situations this one adds and changes a few to cut down on redundancy and modernise some situations. I’m personally a big fan of concepts being refined into concise and complete categories so this book was right at home in my creative arsenal. It works especially well as a supplementary work to spice up stories when momentum has halted or some events don’t seem to align just right. I would highly recommend the practice of picking 5 situations at random and forcing yourself to craft a story from these prompts. An excellent way to stretch the creative muscles and refine your writing.

Cowan, A. ‘The Art of Writing Fiction’

Another book about the writing process this one works well with The science of storytelling as both have their own unique approach. While Storr’s book focuses on a more scientific approach, Cowan’s is more holistic, with anecdotes and advice from multiple writers. It is also formatted in a rather interesting way, breaking up the information into smaller boxes almost like a text-book. The writing style is sharp and while holistic manages to not deviate from the point and get lost in unnecessary practices or information. It also features practical exercises that, if you so choose to engage with, will help you put theory into practice.

Schell, J. ‘The Art of Game Design’

A incredibly vast and somewhat meandering take on the discipline of game design and all that surrounds it. It applies a set of ‘lenses’ to game design, each being representative of a school of thought within game design, it then taxes you with applying these to your game in order to refine and evaluate it’s strengths and shortcomings. While you will likely not find every lense applicable to your own work, there are many breakthroughs to be had through the application of this book. I must admit I did initially struggle to get into this book, there is such a wealth of knowledge and some of it more holistic than I was used to from an instructional book, but I found that once you have a project in mind you will find many useful new approaches to your craft in this book.

Skolnick E. ‘Video Game Storytelling’

This book is a breakdown of narrative approach to video game storytelling. It’s structure was particularly inviting to me as it seems to be written with a classic writer’s approach, easing you into the ins and outs of game narrative through familiar structures such as character arcs, plot structure, dialogue, etc. Building on this he breaks down the differences between novel and interactive writing in a very approachable manner. He also manages to draw really effective comparisons between disciplines and really highlights the hidden narrative in every game, regardless of genre. I would recommend this if you’re looking to bolster your understanding of narrative interactive or otherwise.

Yorke, J. ‘Into the Woods’

This was the first book I ever read regarding narrative construction and story writing. It is almost spellbinding. You can tell John is a natural storyteller as even when he is teaching you about writing he manages to do so in an engrossing and artful way. But while there is a somewhat almost whimsical nature to the instruction, the book very much lives on the author’s teachings it has a strong structure that carries you along even as some points may be re-tread multiple times (this repetition is snuck into the book to help you really set the foundations of his teachings).

Riedl, M. & Bulitko, V. ‘Interactive Narrative: An intelligent systems approach’

This article covers Interactive narrative through the application of an experience Manager, an omnipresent AI that can be considered an author surrogate. It proposes multiple ways the system may work with interactive narrative structures and NPCs in order to create an interactive world that brings the player into the narrative. It proposes Authorial Intent as being a driving force that needs to be represented by the systems the experience manager applies. It makes for a very stimulating read if you are interested in interactive narratives and the ways complex systems can be broken down creatively through the use of AI.

Weiland, K. M. ‘Creating Character Arcs’

What story would be complete without characters. This is something I neglected early on in my writing attempts. Focusing on well tread archetypes in order for the reader to fill in the blanks. However this often lead to flat, lifeless characters. In this book I found a manifold set of approaches to breathing life, agency and pathos into your characters. The book mostly concerns itself with the characters’ arcs as they relate to the progression of the story and the lense through which the two interact. While I do believe that it’s approach at times can be a little too dogmatic and sparse, I have found it very useful to consult this book when I feel my characters are languishing or failing to connect with the plot.

[sociomi]

Ways to choose the right TTO for your application

Adaptable bundling film is a quickly developing class utilized in a great many items. A computerized technology explicitly intended for coding adaptable film - Thermal Transfer Overprinting (TTO) - enjoys various upper hands over other options, however makers should pick what best meets their application needs.

What is TTO? This technology is the most appropriate to checking adaptable movies that are level, before packs or pockets are filled. The primary components of a TTO printer are the printhead, the inked lace and the roller (for constant applications) or the level platen (for irregular applications). At the point when made a motion to print a predefined code, the printhead plunges, pushing the strip and the bundling film against the roller. The warming components connected with the code heat up, liquefy the ink on the strip, and the softened ink is then transferred onto the bundling film.

The warming components are implanted in a clay unit and separately warmed to frame characters like letters and numbers. The artistic unit safeguards the warming components as they transfer the intensity to the inked lace and print the message. Artistic units shift in their capacity to endure continued warming and cooling cycles, and to oppose scraped area. The two elements influence printhead life and coding speed.

Why TTO? Contrasted with mechanical methodologies, for example, hot stepping or rotating coders, TTO gives more prominent uptime and less waste, while permitting the consideration of constant information. Contrasted with other advanced innovations, for example, consistent and thermal inkjet printing, TTO is ordinarily more effectively coordinated into the bundling machine and gives better print quality.

With a high goal of around 300 dpi - moving toward the nature of preprinted bundling - TTO is flexible, permitting standardized identification, logo and 2D coding. Pack paces of up to 120-160 packs each moment (ppm) or 1200 millimeters/second (mm/s) are accomplished by and large, however further developed units can reach up to 455 ppm or 1800 mm/s.

Moreover, TTO is dependable, with a somewhat little introductory capital expense, as well as low support and running expenses. There is for all intents and purposes no hardware warm-up time - it is prepared in somewhere around 60 seconds of being turned on. There is additionally no gamble of film hole, in contrast to mechanical strategies, where broken stamps can puncture the bundling. Check out Thermal Transfer Overprinters (TTOs).

Most TTRs (Thermal Transfer Strips) have a blended sythesis of wax and gum. Notwithstanding, in additional difficult settings including outrageous temperatures, oils or solvents, a high tar TTR is fitting to guarantee fresh solid codes, the drawback being a lower coding rate of around 300 mm/s.

[bluedalahorse]

Ok this post is terribly interesting to me, because it reflects something I’ve been thinking about for a while regarding YR and genre conventions and the show’s moral framework. I drew a hasty, oversimplified chart this morning. (Possibly a less hasty version can exist later, when I’m not commuting and work is not overtaking my life.)

Young Royals obviously has a complex moral framework that asks a lot of questions without giving easy answers. It also has a high level of realism (although that realism is elevated somewhat by the fact that the main character is a literal prince, but most people, well, aren’t.) Because of this realism, a lot of the emotional stakes of the show are tied up in things that the audience might have a familiarity with in their own lives. Much like Wilhelm or Sara, many people have kept a secret from the people they love or the world at large, and many people have fallen in love with or wanted to be close to someone they “shouldn’t.” The immediacy of these emotional stakes, combined with a well-crafted level of emotional intimacy (not in the sense of kissing scenes but in the sense of narrative closeness) with the show’s main characters, invites the audience into a moral conversation.

Side note—this is not to say that things like sci-fi and high fantasy don’t have emotional stakes the audience feels close to. Only that you’re not getting emotional stakes from the 50th CGI alien sky beam that Disney has commanded the animation of, but rather the character arcs and relationships in the movie or show. I also think this plays a role in why some fans find it easier to forgive say, Stefan or Damon Salvatore, or Loki, than say August or Kristina. As often as the speculative genres engage in metaphor, using speculative elements to enhance or comment on the realistic, that metaphor adds an extra distance or dimension to the emotional stakes. Sometimes these supernatural metaphors can be used really effectively by a show (Interview With a Vampire comes to mind) but I think we’ve all watched or read something less amazing where it feels like the speculative elements are there to tick a box or contradict the underlying themes of a story. And when speculative elements inform a character’s flaws (magical mass murder, or what have you) even in a well-crafted work it can be a sort of easier leap for audiences to move away from that.

Anyway. Back to Young Royals! Most of us will not have a vampire boyfriend, so it’s a little harder to see the issues in a vampire boyfriend show as fully applicable to our lives in the same way, but many of us will have a school bully or a shitty cousin or a less than perfect relationship with a parent, so our feelings end up being pretty close to the surface. Things hit closer to home, in some ways.

The show invites us into this moral conversation, but it also doesn’t give us easy answers to our questions. Which is great in that it generates rich discussion on my dash each day. At the same time, as a Fandom Old, one thing I’ve noticed is that over the past few decades, we put more pressure on fans to come to moral judgments about characters and plot points in their fandoms, and to do that quickly. This is in part due to a broader push for moral purity that’s happening, and in part due to the speeding up of social media and algorithmic blah blah blah. Also with the rise of gifs and video clips, a “good” character’s best or most sympathetic moments can get magnified by countless reblogs, whereas their flaws aren’t often the thing being gif’d. This happens to Erik a lot, for instance. (“Bad” characters are still at risk for being woobified, but I think there’s more of an awareness of that woobification and how it works. And sometimes characters who are not wholly evil—my precious daughter Sara Eriksson, as one example—get villainized.)

And, because there’s such a tendency in fandoms right now to see one’s fictional interests as a reflection of IRL morality (something I firmly disagree with) I think people feel a lot more pressure to swiftly and vocally and immediately denounce characters like Sara/August/Kristina/Marcus. Because if I find that character interesting, what does that say about me and my own morals? This makes people worry a lot about how they come across, hence the pressure.

(I mean I like sargust so obviously I’m an evil rich heterosexual who is out to undermine the gays. Obviously. Ending on a facetious note here so I can wrap up and start working for the day.)

I love our fandom and our discussions on questions of morality and ethics, in the show as well as in fics.

Sometimes it makes me laugh, though. Because I know people in other fandoms (HP for example) and over there, people forgive characters who are literal mass murderers while some people in the YR fandom think that Simon cannot forgive Sara or August cannot be redeemed.

💜

[gch1995]

The Sith genozide shows that the Jedi are just as willing as the Sith to cross very morally questionable lines for their cause KOTOR lore has recently been deemed canon by Lucasfilm (January 2020), so the Jedi’s genocide of the Sith species is therefore canon now

I mean, even if an SW fan knows nothing about the KOTOR video game, which, admittedly, I’ve never played either, everything we see throughout all six movies of the OT and PT saga and TCW pretty much confirms that the old Republic and Jedi Order are willing to cross every reprehensible boundary that they consider to be moral horizon events/deeds in their enemies. The only difference is that they have better PR in the galaxy backed up by the Republic government superpower and put in more effort to be more subtle about their abuse of power than the Sith because they care about being seen as “above it all.”

While Anakin is darker and less empathetic as Darth Vader in his methods, even by comparison to the average Jedi of his time because he’s learned to care less about being seen as a “nice” warrior “for the greater good” of the galaxy on the high of the dark side fueling his anger and his depression, you’ll also notice he’s actually more like the Jedi of his time in terms of how he compartmentalizes his guilt and justifies his crimes with that whole “greater good” and “necessary evil” excuse, rather than the typical chaotic evil Sith who is just evil for shits and giggles like Darth Maul. He falls into the lawful evil category instead.

The Jedi of the old Republic are only somewhat above him in terms of morality after he becomes Darth Vader because they still care about being seen as superficially “nice” to the general public of their recruits and Republic government, in spite of actually being just as ruthless as their enemies when they realize it’s easier to force people into submission to get their way from them “for the greater good” than taking the risk to do the right thing.

Anakin is still a Jedi of the old Order in mindset in the sense that he is convinced by both Sidious (a Sith who knows how the Jedi and Republic members think because he spent a lot of time with them) and himself that committing these crimes out of anger towards those who hurt him or his loved ones, a desire for freedom, fear of the unknown, fear of losing loved ones, and paranoia are serving worthy ends for protection of the Empire, Palpatine, his loved ones, himself, and the galaxy as Darth Vader, but he’s more brutal and less concerned about being subtle by playing nice in his application of that abuse of power over those he victimizes to do it on the high of the dark side, which is more Sith like.

However, in spite of being more subtle about it, I’d argue that most of the Jedi of the old Republic really weren’t that much better than most of their enemies in the Sith race. At least not after they defeated the Sith the first time around.,We spend the entirety of the prequels following the Jedi as they are basically plotting another genocide against the Sith race on their home planets. Yes, you can make a valid point that killing the Sith in self-defense when they attack first is necessary, but plotting to destroy their entire civilizations before and/or without offering them any sort of benefit of the doubt, any sort of opportunity to surrender peacefully, any sort of opportunity for rehabilitation, and any sort of warning ahead of time that they could get out of this if they stopped terrorizing the galaxy is not fair.

That is really fucked up, and we get no indication throughout the movies that the “peacekeeping” Jedi ever even considered any less violent and lethal alternatives to dealing with the Sith when their army attacked than immediate execution of them all

You’d think that at least Yoda would try to talk to the Republic Senate to find a more peaceful way to deal with the Sith. You’d think he’d consider trying to negotiate with them. He’s been alive the longest to have an idea of what the Jedi was like before the Sith. But no…He still thinks that mass murdering them is the answer.

It’s the same moral issue that U.S. government created when they decided to drop two atomic bombs on Hiroshima and Nagasaki Japan in WWII completely out of the blue in the 1940s, killing and/or injuring millions in the process, so they could force their army to surrender without offering them any sort of warning ahead of time or better options than this mass destruction of lives to the citizens of Hiroshima and Nagasaki.

It’s the same moral issue that Palpatine and Dooku created when they plotted a genocide of the Jedi Order/Republic without any sort of warning.

Yeah, I know the Sith culture is deeply fucked up and violent on the whole, but they are still sentient beings. The children on their planets are still going to be innocents. They deserved to know they could have had an option to atone for their crimes, be rehabilitated, reform, or surrender peacefully. The innocent civilians kids didn’t deserve to have their lives taken from them as collateral damage of the Jedi’s elimination of the Sith.

For “peacekeepers,” the Jedi of the prequels before Luke don’t really seem to be too interested in taking the necessary risks and steps to create it by being brave enough to offer any sort of compassion, patience, or understanding for those who oppose them before going straight to murder as the answer. Anakin, Obi-Wan, and many of the other Jedi of the prequels develop a very similar mindset after being recruited, not just because their government is under the control of the Sith Lord in disguise, but because of how deeply dysfunctional the Jedi system was being run/implemented. They weren’t taught how to be normally functioning independent adults with a healthy sense of security, self-confidence, self-worth in their own personal agency and personal beliefs, how to have healthy relationships, or how to think critically. They were actively cut off, discouraged, and forbidden from having any sort of personal independence, personal hobbies, interests, relationships, occupations, or lives of their own outside of the Jedi Order because Yoda was too afraid of losing control over them and potentially facing the dark side by allowing them normal freedoms, relationships, and agency.

Anakin, Obi-Wan, Yoda, and many of the other Jedi of the prequels were taught to use an exceedingly hostile and paranoid black-and-white us vs them mentality in the Republic/Jedi Order and the Empire/Sith in regards to enemies, outsiders, and potential threats to the “greater good” of the causes they served, the safety of themselves or those they were loyal to within that cause, and their critical thinking skills, open-mindedness, and self-awareness diminished as a result.

When you can’t fathom the possibility of even trying to take the risk to use peaceful non-violent alternatives to dealing with enemies by allowing them the chance to a fair trial, hearing them out, giving them a chance to surrender, giving them a chance to atone, then that’s a serious problem that often ends up perpetuating a cycle of fear-driven systematic abuse, crime, distrust, resentment, and oppression more than necessary, rather than breaking it. You can’t really break a cycle of systematic abuse, crime, distrust, and oppression by enabling and perpetuating it whenever it’s safer than taking a risk to stand up for what’s right, especially when you go around calling yourself a “peacekeeper.”

That was Anakin’s, Obi-Wan’s, Yoda’s, Qui Gonn’s, and the majority of the rest of prequel era Jedi Order’s biggest personal moral failing. They became so afraid of facing conflict and opposition under these corrupt cult-like institutions and governments under these shitty circumstances that they ended up becoming willing enablers and perpetrators of the very same crimes they sought to destroy to fit in under pressure to try to remain safe at all costs because it was easier than taking a risk to be vulnerable that was required to ultimately be able to do better.

No, it’s not just their faults they ended up growing up to be that way. The Jedi Order and Sidious were abusive, manipulative, and isolating systems that seriously compromised their agency to be able to feel reasonably safe doing better through finding better escape and healthy support. The government they worked for was corrupt. Anakin seemed to develop C-PTSD, BPD, ADHD, and substance abuse symptoms that never got properly treated. The Sith army definitely did strike against the Jedi first a millenia ago, and most of them were very corrupt. However, Anakin, Obi-Wan, Yoda, and the other Jedi of the old Republic did still have enough sense to be able to understand what was objectively right versus wrong. They had consciences, and not every crime they committed were things they were coerced into doing by the Republic, Sidious, and the Jedi Council. They developed personally selfish and vindictive streaks, too. They eventually did stop trying after some time, so I can’t just pretend they’re wholly innocent either.

The biggest take away from Star Wars OT and PT sagas is how easy it can be for the fear under systematic abuse, crime, enemies, warfare, and oppression to destroy both yourself and others around you when you don’t deal with it healthily by taking the risk to be emotionally vulnerable and open, and instead continue the cycle of abusing power to try to deny, take control of, and/or eliminate those people and/or things that cause you fear instead.

If you guys want to comment, you can.

@tragicfantasy-girl

@yoghurtconsumer

@wingletblackbird

@mynameisanakin

@fanfic-lover-girl

@fanfictasia

[timextoxhajima]

Nevertheless: Wishful Thinking [3]

[completed] [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]

synopsis: why would the college flirt want anything to do with the innocent heartbreaker? a [somewhat] nevertheless au featuring tbz's eric son young jae

genre [per chapter]: suggestive material, smut *this series is a smut series so* please don't read if you're uncomfy. if you're underaged and you still wanna read, i'm not stopping you. i don't care because that's your responsibility to know what's fiction and what's not.

word count: i genuinely don't fucking know i think it's at least 4k WHY THE FUCK IS IT GETTING LONG ERJSJSJSJDNAKD

taglist: @from-xero @taeyongandfree @ten-gift @louvyves @sweetutopia @yyyereum @jung-breadshop @sunwoowuvbot @mashedpotittiess

protip: links of BGM are linked~

{this is a work of fiction}

eric swipes his thumb across his bottom lip and drags his index finger over the tip of his nose, tongue still sucking on his teeth as if it hadn't already been a day.

he was sitting on the other side of the tutorial room and you just so happened sat in a spot where he was the first person in your view when you looked up.

stupid hexagonal tables.

the moisture in your mouth suddenly evaporates, leaving your tongue dry like sandpaper against the roof of your mouth.

the lustful blanket over his eyes threaten to rip your mentality apart, and even without him touching you, the heat in your abdomen starts to clench and throb.

the thought crosses your mind, just so you can convince yourself: if eric can associate himself with sex within your primal instincts then the brain that got you here can associate him with a big, fucking, red flag.

you suck in a deep breath and hold it for awhile, eyes plastered to the ipad under your palms. crossing your legs tightly, your jeans hug your hips and waist all too perfectly.

yujeong had smacked one of her baseball friends earlier that day for staring at your legs.

after the likes of wooseok's party and the incident yesterday, you made it an effort not to show up in dresses or skirts anymore. call it ptsd, call it trauma, call it not wanting to get into trouble.

whatever it was, you didn't want eric anywhere near you.

well, despite how good he mad-

"can you stop eye-fucking him from across the room?" yujeong harshly whispers at you, glaring at you from the corner of her eyes.

"what?" throwing your tied-up hair to your other shoulder, you tilt your face to her.

"what do you mean 'what'?" yujeong hisses, nodding to the boy across the room. "y'all are fucking in your heads!"

"yes, broadcast it to the entire class, would you, please?" the sarcasm drips off your tongue with a frown.

"I'm just saying if you want him so bad then just go get a room. fucks' sake, go find a practice room or something."

"i think I'll go with 'or something'."

and in that second, your iPad lights up with a notification from the school email account.

yujeong parts her lips with a retort, but you quickly shush her by pressing a finger to your lips when the professor seemed to glance over at the two of you.

she inhales a deep breath, spotting the notification pop up on her laptop screen too.

to: all students

from: the college union

title: dance union winter getaway

dear students,

every year, more than 200 students apply for the dance union but only 20 are accepted. thus, it is of high regard that the members of the dance union utilise the annual winter getaway to bond.

this year's event will be held at lake white. all students in the dance union with leadership positions are expected to be present and those with valid reasons of absence are required to fill up the form attached to this email.

if you're interested in joining the dance union, please apply in the first week of the new academic year. applications open first week of the semester.

regards,

the student union

staring wide-eyed at the email with your apple pencil trembling in your fingers, you gulp.

fuck.

yujeong's lowly snicker sounds from next to you, and you look to her, only to watch a bright smile stretch across her face.

"what?" she snorts, tears in her eyes. "don't look at me. look at your captain."

your neck snaps to the boy across the room, who's got his phone lifted with the screen displaying the email page. he waves it around a little, raising a brow with a menacing shimmer flashing across his eyes.

your blood begins to boil without reason.

why were you suddenly stuck to him? it's like the planets and stars aligned just so he glue himself to you; so he could ruin your title and rip you apart, inch by inch.

your fists clench around the apple pencil, and you're only snapped out of your inner rage when the professor calls on you.

yujeong leans into the lockers with her books against her chest, mindlessly scrolling through her phone as you go on incessantly about the student union's decision to make it mandatory.

you swing the locker door so hard that it bounces off its limit and nearly comes back down onto your hands, but you stop it before it does.

"how does the fucking winter getaway improve our bonds?" you hurl a textbook into the locker. "it's not like we're gonna sit in a circle and sing hallelujah, right?"

"you went for that getaway last year-"

"yeah, and we did nothing besides getting shitfaced! fuck this stupid winter getaway."

"sis, say that any louder and your 'innocent heartbreaker' image is gonna change into something more like 'brutal heartbreaker'."

"don't fucking call me that," you hurl another book into your locker. "and why does everybody talk like that nowadays? 'say that any louder'? where was that from? a movie? a tiktok?"

"why are you so on edge?" yujeong pushes herself off the metal doors and frowns. "you've been on edge ever since wooseok's party."

"i am always on edge."

"what?" yujeong pulls her lips up into a slight wince as her eyes half into squints. "bullshit. what happened to your little 'innocent heartbr-"

"don't," you lift a finger, shutting your eyes and stopping her. "say another word."

yujeong raises both her brows, smirk plastered to her face as she readjusts her bag. "don't worry."

you look up at her, placing the last item in your locker.

"i don't have to."

"what?"

"so," then that godforsaken voice rings from behind you, and all your physical senses start to shut down one by one.

yujeong sees right past it, smirk turning into something less devious as she puffs her cheeks.

"about the winter getaway."

"i'll leave the two of you at it."

"what? no-"

"bye!"

"yujeong-"

she turns and strides off, short hair lathered around her neck. she waves with a bright grin, leaving you to back face the vicious heartbreaker.

you remain rooted to the ground, locker door wide open and bag slung around your right shoulder. eric waits until yujeong disappears down the hall, leaving a few other students within the vicinity to turn and stare at the two infamous dance captains.

eric walks to your side, reaching out and resting his palm on the outer edge of your locker.

"we're in open space," he smiles, gradually pushing the locker door inwards and closing it for you. then he rests his palm against the metal door, sandwiching you again. "there's not much i can do to you."

a few students turn to stare.

"unless you want me to."

"stop it."

"stop what?" he smirks and buckles his arms, forcing you to lay your back flat against the metal surface. "I'm not doing anything."

"then what are you doing now?" you frown and look up at him, knuckles whitening around your bag straps.

"having a conversation."

someone fishes a phone out, and the flashlight flickers.

eric whirls around, keeping his arm anchored to the locker.

"stand down, kid."

"sorry," he fumbles with the phone, and now you'll never know if he actually took a picture.

"anyway-"

"look, i don't know what kind of game you're playing but this isn't healthy for us if we are supposed to work together. especially with the winter getaway coming up."

eric licks his lips and lowers his head, smiling at the sudden cast of professionalism.

"it flatters me that you don't care too much about having fucked outside of wooseok's garage-"

"eric-"

"nor getting fucked out in the practice room-"

"eric-"

"or even the fact that you tied up your hair today-"

"i tie up my hair whenever i fucking want to."

"ooh," eric winces at the snap, his pearly whites glimmering under the lighting. "the 'innocent heartbreaker' is angry!"

"will you shut the fuck up?"

"aw," he coos, leaning into you and breathing down your philtrum. "make me."

your fists finally clench, jaws locked and temples tightened.

"I'll rip off your dick if you touch me again. now, back off."

you press your palms flat into his chest and shove him away, breaking him into light chuckles as he stumbles back.

you pull your bag back onto your shoulder, turning sharply and stomping off.

"hey! we still need to meet up to discuss the plans for lake white!"

the scent of half-painted canvases with acrylic paint washes through your nose when you enter your room.

it's definitely bigger than what a normal room should look like, but it's not your fault that both your parents work under Lee Enterprises, the country's telemarketing company.

the studio corner of your room is in a mess, and you're just halfway done painting the edges of your mirror.

which for specific reasons, you can't really look at it anymore.

the peculiar object you chose to decorate the glass surface hang idly on the corner of the frame, reflecting the afternoon sun spilling into the room.

eric son: so when do we discuss the plans for lake white?

eric son: i don't like to procrastinate

"'discuss the plans for lake white'," mumbling under your breath, you dump your bag into the corner of your room, huffing and resting your hands on your hips. "he's the damn captain, isn't he? he can do it on his own."

notification: acrylic paint to be delivered today

your phone automatically links up with the bluetooth speaker in the room, and you mindlessly tap on the shuffle button before pulling off your shoes.

eric son: okay so I'm thinking groups of four

you pull off your jacket and let the ends of your ponytail brush across your back where the camisole doesn't cover, cool air rushing across the hairs on your skin.

eric son: we can play truth or dare

the bass rumbles through the flooring as you pull off your jeans, throwing on one of those open-holed shorts that no one was ever going to see you in - not even yujeong.

the doorbell rings, yanking you out of your mental rage session over eric son.

acrylic paint.

picking up a cardigan and tying it around your waist, you jog down the stairs and pull open the door without hesitation.

She's just that type of girl

"what. in the world. are you doing here?"

eric tilts his head to the side, his eyes running the length of your body - all the way down to your feet and back up.

"you weren't replying my texts so i thought-" then he raises both hands from his sides, taking a step back and gesturing to your front porch like he owned it. "what better way to have your presence than to go to you?"

"how do you know where i live?" a frown befalls your brows, and your grip tightens on the door handle.

"it's in the school records for student leaders," he offers you a smug shrug, taking a step back to where he was previously standing.

your lips part in an attempt to challenge his explanation, but then he waves it off with a cheeky snicker. "I'm joking. yujeong told me."

"now, why the fuck would she give you my address?"

"hey, captain to captain! plus she knows i won't hurt you."

a scoff runs off your tongue. "you want me to believe that you won't hurt me?"

eric's tongue darts across his lips as he leans on the door frame. "not in your house. oh, i wouldn't dare, princess."

with a huff, you blink away the eye contact first, taking a step back and tugging on the door. "don't fucking call me that."

but his hand flies out and thuds against the wood, keeping the door open. he slowly steps forward, letting himself in.

"then what should i call you?"

"names exist," you step back and grip onto the empty arms of your cardigan around your waist. he closes the door, pulling the chain to lock it.

"then do you prefer y/n or 'innocent heartbreaker'?"

you squint at him, cocking your face at an angle as you back up again.

the answer settles in your head, but you can't say it out loud.

because he's already debunked it.

She's just that type of girl

"fun playlist," eric nods up the stairs, arm stretching out to you and snaking around your waist.

"don't fucking touch me-"

then his other hand circles you as well, his arms around you as he holds you to him, lowering his face into yours. an arching back tries to keep his face off yours, but any more and your spine would've snapped into two.

his nose presses into your cheek as he slots his lips between yours, and the world goes into a muffled silence for a few seconds.

or maybe that was just your playlist moving on.

your nails dig the inside of your clenched palm, fists against his chest as he pulls you up to deepen the kiss, lips moving with yours in some intricate dance of dominance.

on beat with the distant bass coming from your room.

he lets out the first groan, his hands gradually sliding down your back and groping the flesh of your rear that's poking out from under your shorts.

the harsh grip squeezes a whimper out from you, your entire body cringing forward into him and closing the gap between you. with one palm still holding onto your ass, the other comes back up in between your shoulder blades, keeping your chest plastered to his.

eric turns you around, holding you against the wall that leads up to the stairs. your back is flat against the surface, hair stuck to the felt of the wall with your thigh being pulled up over his pelvis.

We should just calm down and fuck some time

then he pulls away and huffs, lips hung wide open and his eyes completely lost in yours. in a low growl, subtly shakes his head as if to disapprove your disobedience against the song lyrics.

"oh, we fucking should."

eric doesn't bother waiting for a response before dipping his nose into your jaw, lips latching onto the tender skin of your neck.

"you coming here-" a jolt of bliss rushes through you when he finds a tender spot, his arms tightening around your waist to keep you close and against the wall. "-was not an invitation-"

the cologne on his clothes starts to intoxicate you like alcohol does to any normal person, the scent of his hair and his clothes wafting and shuffling all around you.

"but you don't hate me being here, do you, princess?" he mumbles into your skin, nipping at the spot behind your lobe. your eyes flutter shut, fists clenching against his shoulder blades.

"come on," he whispers. "we've done it outside and in a practice room, surely you must feel more comfortable in your own bed?"

your eyes widen upon the suggestion, the thought of that cursed object hanging over the corner of your mirror in the room suddenly pulling your soul back into your body.

"no, we can't."

eric pulls away from you, lips reddened from the nipping. they are apart, and his breathing slows as he studies your face.

the panic in your eyes is far too grave for him to miss.

"why not?"

gulp.

"you don't happen to-"

"it's not a vibrator."

eric raises his brows, caging you between his arms as he corners you further, chest on yours and his lips right above your lashes.

"perhaps a-"

"it's not a dildo either."

he pouts in slight disappointment when he can hear the stark honesty in your voice.

his chest rises and lowers under his shirt, listening to your breathing that hitches in your throat every now and then; observing your discipline to keep your eyes away from him.

"you're not gonna tell me what it is?"

glaring at him through the corner of your eye, you shake your head with a resounding 'no'.

he pauses.

then he leans into your ear.

"you being scared is just making me a little more curious, princess."

"curiosity kills the cat."

eric pulls away and slides his arms off the wall. "cats have 9 lives."

the number of sirens that go off in your head spikes, and before you can process his words, he grabs your arm and pulls you onto his shoulder.

"oh my god!" his arm wraps around your lower back, knees against his chest and the world from your eyes upside down as he hoists you up the stairs. "put me down, jesus christ!"

"the more you yell, the more you're gonna regret it, princess," he warns while chuckling to himself. "what could it be, if it's not a dildo or a vibrator?"

then the warmth of his palm reaches up to your shorts, and his fingers dig under the cloth of your underwear.

"fuck, eric-"

all too easily, he pushes a finger into you, your entire body cringing from the sudden intrusion. your eyes blur out just as he makes it to the second floor, and he doesn't need to ask which door he should be heading to.

not when your door has a framed portrait of yourself from last year's concert.

the door creaks open when he pushes the two of you into your room, greeting the sunlight drawn across the floor and his finger still buried inside you.

you heave a sigh when he pulls his finger out and shoves it into his mouth, leaning over your bed to rest you into the cushion.

automatically, his eyes are on high alert, scanning your room. but by the time you've regained your senses and the blood's returned to the rest of your body from your head, he finds it.

resting on the back of your forearms, your breath turns shakey and your eyes twitching from the sight of it dangling off his fingers.

eric turns to look at the mirror, turning the item in his fingers to match the painting of it on the edges.

"so," he returns to you, raising a cocky brow and smirking. "you get high off painting handcuffs on your mirror?"

you tightly shut your eyes as the frown cements into your forehead.

"fuck."

eric scoffs, tongue dragging across his upper lip as he walks towards you and lifts a knee to your bed, the other following.

"this really makes me question how you even got your reputation," eric jingles it from his fingers, his free hand reaching down to draw circles on your right ankle.

"it's just acrylic paint. i paint something new every month-"

"and so your choice for november was... handcuffs?" he wraps his hot fingers around your ankle and yanks you downwards, your crotch nearly meeting his knees.

"it's not my fault you decided to play this game the month i decided to get something remotely inappropriate."

"'remotely inappropriate'," eric repeats, smiling as he lowers himself. the handcuff still within his right hand, his left draws trails up your right leg, playing with the rim of your shorts where they were already riled up enough to expose a bit of your underwear. "so, tell me princess. why did you choose this-"

he holds it up and jingles it over your nose. "to paint?"

"surely it's not because it's pretty."

"or maybe you think it'll look pretty around your wrists?"

eric reaches for your hands and you struggle upon instinct, he pins your dominant hand down first and clips the first cuff around your wrist.

"eric-"

he finds your free hand and connects both your wrists, clipping the other cuff despite your struggling.

eric sucks a deep breath, then parts his lips to exhale. pushing himself off you, he pulls your shorts off first, eyes trailing across every inch of your body with your wrists cuffed together.

the thoughts wash through you involuntarily.

the wooden planks. the dress. the torn underwear.

the mirror. the fogging. the skirt.

the tears collect in the corners of your eyes even before he can completely get it off your ankles.

then he pulls your legs apart for him to lock them in place with his own thighs, crouching over your body like a lion devouring his prey.

he pushes your arms up and above your head, making it difficult for you to bring them back down with your wrists bound together.

his breath is hot on your chest where he first dips his nose into, tongue swiping across the skin of your heaving ribs. hands coming up your waist and pushing them up your torso, it exposes your ribcage and bra.

inch by inch, he breaths down the length of your torso, from your chest and over to your stomach with your camisole rolled up messily over your bra.

upon reaching the rim of your underwear (and heaving stomach as you pant and huff in a bid to calm your nerves), he stops and looks up at you.

"thank god you rejected wooseok."

then both his hands come down to your chest to rip apart your camisole, pulling it out from under you before he unbuckles your bra.

you swallow the first whimper already on the tip of your tongue, but your stomach plunges and your back arches violently when he takes the tip of your breast between his lips.

left hand coming round to grip your other, his right travels down to play with your sensitivity, forcing your body into subtle jolts with the overwhelming sensation.

he tugs on your tip, grazing it between his teeth before releasing it and latching his lips onto the tender flesh in a bid to make his mark.

your brows finally furrow into a frown of bliss, jaw hung agape though struggling to contain the lewd noises prancing about in the back of your throat.

he rolls the other tip between his index finger and thumb, sucking and kissing the reddening flesh of your chest.

and down below, he's pushed your underwear aside, thumb abusing your sensitivity and buckling your hips upwards.

he provides you one sharp bite on your tip, earning a strained hiss from between your teeth. it feeds his pride, for he removes himself off you completely and stares down at you, admiring the painting he's made on your chest.

hickeys.

grip marks.

and the wet patch on your underwear between your legs.

he turns and shifts off the bed, leaving you to catch your breath and cross your legs over one another.

the clacking about in your studio corner drives the tears into your eyes, listening to the lid of the box where you keep your paint come off.

you shut your eyes, resigning to fate.

for your body is in burning need and the discipline to go against his word has betrayed you.

you hear his belt come undone, the weight of his clothes hitting the carpeted ground before the mattress around your legs sink again.

"oh... princess~" he sings, coaxing you out of your mental begging that this was just a nightmare.

a corner drags across your stomach, and your eyes fly open to see his fingers wrapped around a bottle of acrylic paint, completely oblivious to him pulling your underwear off your legs.

black.

the only color that was still relatively abundant.

then the sight of his nudity drives you up a wall inside your head; better yet, driving your resignation up against your own skull.

the lines of his pelvic bone leading down to his manhood all for your eyes to feast on, and even if you wanted to look away, you couldn't.

fuck.

"listen to me very carefully, princess..." he shakes the bottle, then proceeds to unscrew the cap. "I'm sure you don't want any of these on your bed, right?"

chills run through your body when he tilts the bottle over, squeezing the paint onto his palms.

"so," he blinks back to you, eyes wide and cautious. "my advice?"

and with that, he carefully caps the bottle, effortlessly tossing it over his shoulder and back into the box.

he presses his palms together, spreading the paint across his skin.

"don't move too much."

with a wide grin, he smudges the paint into your thighs and up your stomach, sliding the paint all the way to your breasts where he offers a harsh grip.

he doesn't give you a chance to respond to that before he slides himself into you, your neediness allowing him entrance far too easily.

by now, your body was somewhat conditioned to recognise his size, but the idea of him buried deep inside you and his groaning coating the room makes you a little more feral; a little more insane.

the whimper that runs off your tongue is mercilessly lapped up by him when he leans over to kiss you, tongue shoved into your mouth in a bid to shut you up.

he rolls his hips back and forth, unwilling to stop and definitely unwilling to give you any kind of mercy when it comes to making you lose your grip on reality.

he pulls away and resumes an upright position, abs flexed and his palms still gripping onto your chest like his life depended on it.

but eric seems to be a little on edge himself, for this was his first time seeing all of you under him, instead of your humility covered by a dress or a skirt and worrying about being caught in school.

no.

now, he can feast his eyes on you like the predator he is.

not only does he decide to leave his own marks, but marks that you gave him access to.

his handprints are black on your skin and the entire bed is jerking along with every thrust he's offering you.

you finally let out a strained cry, tears collecting in your eyes with the bliss rushing through you over and over again like a broken record. eric's breath turns shaky, and his grip on you begins to loosen when his thighs start to convulse.

by some miracle, the last thrust hits your climax and he pulls out almost immediately after to coat the paint on your stomach with himself.

cream on black.

eric huffs arrogantly, taking deep breaths to retain his breathing as he releases you, stepping back to take in the sight of you in your own bed, ruined by him.

"you definitely look pretty in cuffs."