#this is probably obvious but i don't know if folks have thought about it

[shinesurge]

it's 5:30 AM so I'm really tired and rambly but I had a shower thought about how commanding is a rejection of christian dogma especially w/rt how christianity tries to hijack the self-actualization process and put it all under becoming more godly/christian -- "The price of autonomy is personal responsibility. If no god commands you, then every failure is your own fault [...but] you also know you have the power to make yourself." this is all probably obvious but im dense and this is very cool aa.

It is!! You did it you broke Kidd Commander down to its basic essentials!!

This is funny actually, I DID originally operate under the assumption this narrative would read as overtly and objectively blasphemous to everybody because of all the things you just said; literally every single thing about the comic's philosophy and Phineas' specifically rails against every basic tenet of Christianity, On Purpose. Over and over the comic goes CHOOSE YOURSELF AND THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU and that is about the worst possible thing a Christian can think. I was still sort of deprogramming for the first hundred or so pages, and every time I did anything with KC I felt like I was committing a crime haha.

But uh. Most people do not get that at all, which I realized over time because people act totally confused when I said it was an anti-christian narrative; a lot of folks think it only started getting in the weeds with religion in the latest arc. It's another one of those invisible ink things, the only people who notice it are other people with religious trauma (or people still steeped in it) whose brains have been rewired like mine to find blasphemy in any form of autonomy or basic self-actualization. Even people WITH church experience whose worst thing was having to sit still for an hour on Sundays don't pick up on this stuff, it's a very specific perspective that I hadn't realized was as rare as it is haha. So, while /I/ think it's very clear, it's actually a detail tons of people overlook! It's always nice when somebody picks up on it, thanks for sending this in <3

[strangegutz]

Something I just want to throw out there: it takes me DAYS of work to show you one art doll. It takes me HOURS of work to show you one illustration. I often don't do anything but these two things all day. After 6-10 hours at my desk, I sit and draw for a few hours for the rest of the night. This is why I end up posting more illustrations than art dolls. I even work on drawings between cure times or while cooking my meals.

[so-i-did-this-thing]

So I’ve been on T for like 2-3 years, my face is full of facial hair yet i still sound incredibly feminine, the vocal pitch barely went down and I don’t know if it’s from me not being on it long enough but I’m beginning to get a little worried that I’m never going to sound like a guy ever :’) what should I do?

Heya, Anon. Sorry it took a bit to get back to you.

I'm sure you are aware that cis men have vocal ranges all over the place, and many would be misgendered on the phone. But I don't really find this very comforting, because dysphoria doesn't play nice. (So, I'd prefer if folks leaving notes don't bring up this obvious fact.)

Voice is definitely one of those uncertain factors with transition. Your speaking voice is probably close to settled, but your singing voice will still likely continue to change a few more years.

When your voice doesn't change enough on T to your liking, your main options are vocal training or surgery.

Vocal training can do a lot for a more masculine sound if you currently speak more with a "head" voice, have vocal fry, or have speech patterns generally thought of as "feminine" (like upspeak). It takes practice to change your vocal patterns, but is also obviously the least destructive to your vocal chords.

Surgery is another option, but I don't have any recommendations here, as I have just barely started research, myself. (I am very dysphoric about my voice.) There are procedures to relax vocal chords, which make them vibrate at a lower frequency. Downsides are that you lose speaking volume and your singing voice might be shot. I also haven't seen much research on how the surgery ages over time, other than the fact that, if you ever require intubation (like for general surgery), you need to let the surgical team know, as I guess there is some risk for damage. It also seems like the procedure is unpredictable in how much your voice changes, and it can even completely wreck your voice.

In my experience, resonance (which T tends to gift) and speech patterns are more important than actual pitch. So, I'd suggest finding a vocal coach to see what you have control over.

Good luck!

[truelovepolinator]

The Chaos of the "Friends to Lovers" Quote & the Alleged Antonia Xmas Photos

I honestly have so many thoughts about Nicola and Luke that I usually don't even know where to start. As a result, I often end up saying nothing. Other folks are already talking about things so eloquently, and even when I don't entirely agree, I agree enough that I like it, move on, and wonder whether it's worth chiming in with my takes.

But today I do feel like tackling yesterday's craziness - the newly discovered article (and those hot photos) and the weirdness that erupted with the alleged family photo(s?) with Antonia.

This was a lot of chaos and excitement for one day and I found myself drowning a bit in the swell of it all.

Part of me was as thrilled as everyone to read those words that Luke said about friends to lovers, and also what Nic said about Luke making everything better. This story seemed to just confirm and crystallize everything I ever thought, that all of us true believers have thought. He said it. He said it right out loud.

But then there was the part of me that couldn't help but question it. Was it taken slightly out of a context that might have softened the meaning had it been included? Had the translation from English (Luke's original words) to Spanish back to English slightly tweaked the thought or expression of the thought in a way that implied slightly more than he originally intended?

Also, why would he/they just admit everything fully out in the open for this one random interview with a Chilean reporter, then retreat and go back to pretending to be just friends everywhere else (even if they never said "just" friends).

Then again, a point both for and against the accuracy of the implication of this quote is the fact that he came very close to saying this several other times. About how appropriate it felt that Polin was friends to lovers that they were friends... and he'd just sort of trail off or not quite continue the thought. So that seemed to make it both more probable that he might have inadvertently finished the thought one time, and also less probable that he would have said it so explicitly this one time when he never did any other time. Could the original translation have taken liberties in finishing the thought?

Bottom line, who knows? And I found myself wondering WHY I was wondering when, at the end of the day, I still totally believe they're together. So why question this quote so hard?

Perhaps there's just something inherently dangerous about allowing myself to believe they (even inadvertently) confirmed it. I already believe. I really do. So why does the thought of him having actually said it out loud feel so chaotic? Why was everyone whipped into a frenzy by this line when we could already see it? And why is this story just now making its way into our collective consciousness?

There's so much about this ship that doesn't make a lot of sense. I've had a few fictional ships I've loved, but I have never felt this much attachment to a celebrity couple before. Not even close. I'm sure I never will again. They are so special, and their connection is so unusual and obvious that it's hypnotic and magical. It feels like a privilege to witness such a magical and precious thing.

But perhaps it is precisely because their connection feels so magical and precious that it feels more elusive. For Luke to explicitly confirm what we all saw feels like very nearly stepping onto the solid ground of a previously misty, distant shore. But then, they took it back with every subsequent (and prior) interview, leaving us wobbly and unmoored.

And then the rumor of the Christmas photos with Antonia hit. I never saw these photos and only heard everything after the fact, so it's hard for me to draw conclusions. It sounds like the photos were inappropriately taken from a memorial page and not new, so not only were they disrespectful, but potentially also not remotely relevant to Luke's current relationship and life.

And even if she was with his family last year, there seem to be at least half a dozen explanations for that (just a friend or casual date with nowhere to go? Friend of his sister's? there at Christmas time, but for a different occasion and not actually "Christmas with the Newtons").

I also found myself confused by people insisting she was in the Maldives for work while others insisted she and her father were in a trailer somewhere? So which is it? Trailer Christmas with dad? Or dance gig in the Maldives? And perhaps most importantly, why does anyone know any of this because why is anyone following her, let alone her father, this closely?

I confess all of this chaos did drive me to check her stories and I saw the (apparently) Maldives videos. But I don't know what any of this proves.

I wrote extensively about my belief that Nic and Luke are together (see my blog: Nicola and Luke Are Absolutely Together and Have Been All Along and Here's How I Know), and that the relationship with Antonia has been a fake PR strategy to distract us all along. But I'd be lying if I said these little flare-ups don't make me wobble slightly in that boat as I continue trying to set foot on dry land. I don't feel like I know enough about how L & A met, how/if she's friends with his sister, what the deal is with that friend group, etc. And all those questions leave a tiny space for uncertainty.

Still, what's with the timing of that photo? The same day this story spreads like wildfire where Luke says OUT LOUD the very thing we've been wanting to hear and they've been trying to distract from? Seems to me a good PR agent who was paid to keep eyes off the real relationship might identify that as a moment to drop some confusing content and muddy the waters again. Don't want folks getting too close to the truth, after all.

The truth is, none of us can know the truth definitively because we don't know them. But again and again, when I look at the actual facts and the extensive evidence and crumbs, the only crumbs that fit together into a whole that makes sense are the Nic and Luke crumbs.

For the record, I have not a doubt in my mind that Nicola is *not* dating Jake. That one is crystal clear because after allowing some uncertainty to linger (part of the distraction strategy), they have all collectively shown us the truth.

Remember, Nicola has NEVER shared her love life publicly. All these photos with Jake are actually proof of a negative, that he is NOT her bf. Thinking that her photos with him are proof of their romantic relationship represents a fundamental lack of understanding of who Nicola is, let alone Jake and their shared friend group.

I do believe that she and Luke will go public eventually for two reasons. The least of these is for the fans. The fans want it so bad that one day they will relent and show us. But the more important reason is that when you find the one, and you love them with all your heart, you don't want to hide it forever. Live privately, yes, but not hide. When they feel settled and confident enough, and perhaps when the glare of the spotlight has died down enough, they will finally share. That's what I believe.

Could I be wrong? Of course. Could this hypothetical relationship with Antonia be real? I suppose. But if it is, it's the weirdest damn thing I ever saw. I will never get over the strangeness of the InStyle LA photos, and in particular, that one at the cafe with the white truck. There's something just inherently fake and fishy about the way their hypothetical relationship manifests. And since their pap photos, implied togetherness photos, and weird "likes" patterns all follow a classic PR fake relationship playbook, I have a hard time believing it.

Also, I feel much better about him with Nic than with Antonia, for a variety of reasons I won't go into because I don't want to spread hate.

If I am wrong, I will be heartbroken. I admit it. I believe in NicLuke. Lukola is my endgame. And I don't just think “someday.” I absolutely believe it's happening now. I made my case extensively in my prior blog. People seem to want to read the signs a million different ways, but all the signs I've seen point directly to Nicola and Luke being together now. So that's where I'm sticking.

Let the ship wobble. I'm not going anywhere.

[the-entity-down-the-street]

Okay so. The New Beetlejuice Movie.

I have thoughts about Lydia and Beetz, and how Beetlejuice's feelings developed for her.

Yes. I ship them. I don't think I've come out and said it yet, but yeah I'm one of those. Block me if it bothers you. Winona and Micheal ship it, too. For the record.

Analysis under the cut

Okay folks. So, I don't believe for a second that Beetlejuice loved her in the first movie. He doesn't know her, barely interacts with her, doesn't care about her outside of having a means to an end. You can see this in how he treats the wedding, too. He rushes it and does everything in his power to stop everyone from saying his name. I don't even think they had a cake?

Now, this isn't to say he isn't intrigued by Lydia.

"I think I could get along with Edgar Allen Poe's daughter, she gets me."

Let's be real, though. He's a scumbag and a sex pest in the first movie.

This is in stark contrast to the sequel. He calls Lydia the love of his life, keeps a photo of her on his desk, fulfills all his promises to her, helps her get revenge on Rory *after* making him tell the truth about his motivations, and the DANCE SEQUENCE?? If his goal was just to escape the Netherworld, he'd have rushed the wedding vows and gotten it over with as quick as possible. And considering he has *more* motivation to get out than the first movie-- Delores coming to kill him, for real, permenantly-- that makes the second wedding even more romantic. He is down BAD bad.

So, how did we get here?

That's what I've been puzzling over for past couple days. I think it has something to do with the psychic connection Beetlejuice mentions to Bob.

@herefortheships has an excellent post that helped fill in the "why" of the psychic connection. Lydia can see all kinds of ghosts. What makes Beetlejuice different?

It's because they almost completed the wedding in the first movie. Sure, Lydia never said "I do", but they were almost there, and with this marriage ceremony being so powerful as to bring the dead back to life, even an interrupted wedding forms a link between them. Beetlejuice being such a powerhouse himself, and Lydia being naturally psychic, probably strengthens it. The closest comparsion I'd make is never closing out with a Ouija board. A very powerful, horny Ouija board.

So, this gives Beetlejuice a chance to get to know Lydia over the years. He watches her grow up, with a set of ghost parents no less. He sees her powers strengthen, and how she goes on to start a show utilizing her gift. I wonder if the show inspired Beetlejuice to start his own business?

She becomes a wife, a mother, a fully rounded adult who never loses her adoration of the macabre. I think he sees what he originally saw in Delores, and it ignites something, for lack of a better term, long-dead within him. Lydia is a much better person than Delores, too, and Beetlejuice knows that. After all, she originally agreed to marry him to save her (already dead) friends.

No wonder he's fucking smack dizzy in love. He softens, becomes a marginally more respectable person. Keeping a picture of teenage Lydia on his desk is objectively creepy, but that's also when he saw her in person last, so it makes sense.

Something else I noticed, and this kind of a tangent, but it's interesting.

He only started appearing to her again recently. Like, she'd felt him around the corners, but it's only around the start of the film that he tries to actively get her attention. I have a theory as to why. In part, he wanted to make himself better for her before making a grand entrance (reputable businessman and all), but there's something else that's more obvious.

Rory. He knows Rory's bad news, and I wouldn't be surprised if he used his connection with Lydia to spy on him. Beetlejuice probably knew he was planning to marry Lydia for her money soon. Now, he couldn't talk to her properly due to her blatantly trying to push him out, but he could still be loudly present.

Notice how when Rory summons him, Beetlejuice presents as a relationship counselor. He even says "I think there's an enabler here, but we'll talk about that later," which I think is because he wants Rory to know he sees through the emotionally manipulative bullshit.

I think he also knows Lydia was not going to believe him if he said Rory was a creep. I mean, why would she? Beetlejuice bides his time with gross out gags and other typical Beetlejuice antics. It's only after he's proven himself honest enough to stay true to his word by saving Astrid and sending her boyfriend to hell that he gives Rory the truth syrum.

He's really, really grown to genuinely love Lydia, way more than he ever loved Delores I'd say, and it's because he's fallen in love with the woman he got to watch her become.

[intheholler]

what do you think of all of the people being scared of appalachia? i don't know if this is recent or not, but currently i've been seeing a ton of shit online like "never go to the appalachian mountains, it's so dangerous", and i just don't understand it. my family's lived in appalachia for forever, and none of us have experienced anything paranormal or endangering to us. you're one of my favorite blogs on here and i'd just like to hear your thoughts on it

first off, it means a lot that i'm one of your favorite blogs and im really happy i can contribute something to your experience here :') thanks so much for being here <333

but ok so.

my thoughts on it are many. it's been bothering me a long time and i've been meaning to get it off my chest. this will be long and probably ranty, so it won't hurt my feelings if anyone skims lol

lemme preface this little diatribe by saying the obvious: folklore is an integral part of any culture. the mythos of a place/people is tied directly to their histories and unique experiences and struggles and they are enriching. this is true of appalachia too.

oral folk traditions especially are incredibly historically appalachian.

i mentioned in a post i made yesterday about murder ballads, how the purpose of these was to warn kids away from doing dumb shit and getting lost in the hollers--falling down cliffs n mineshafts and shit at night. gettin got by wildlife.

it spooked us safe. they served a purpose, and once you got old enough to realize they're as real as the tooth fairy, they just become enjoyable and nostalgic. because they're you're culture.

probably every mountain kid has stories about haints n boogers that were told to them by their grandparents, and they grow up to tell them to their own kids, and so on. some of it stuck with me because i grew up with the folklore.

by that i mean, i'm a whole 31 year old woman and i still avoid looking out a dark window at night cause it gives me the shivers. i still get spooked when i hear a big cat yowling in the woods. but the difference is i know there's not really haints out there crying--it's just a product of my childhood. ghost stories are fun.

the problem comes in when someone outside the culture gets their hands on appalachian oral folk traditions. then, it becomes a familiar problem: outsiders cherry picking appalachia and harming us with the mess they make rifling through it all.

it's all about the surface level and the visuals. they all love a good aesthetic blog, run by some local from out west or some shit who's never stepped foot here.

but as soon as the spooky photo filters come off and the real life marginalized person is left standing there just out of frame, we go back to being disgusting examples of what not to be. decrepit churches n buildings are aesthetic and quirky until they stop being on a pinterest board, and then they just become damning images of an impoverished region who deserves to be laughed at.

now, not to holler 'splain you--this is more for anyone not from here who might read this: it's been a systemic issue for decades; there were literal government campaigns to demonize us to the rest of the nation so they could garner support to cut into our mountains and exploit our labor and resources.

well, they were fuckin successful, and we have been falsely made out to be this homogenous nightmare of a place--"welfare exploiting" maga country who deserves everything we get, and nothing we don't.

by going so far as to take appalachian folklore that we tell each other and picking out the "aesthetic" stuff--the haints and general paranormal--they are pruning what they like from our culture--the safe things, like ghost stories--for their own aesthetic use.

but not only that, they are using it to demonize us… yet again.

'appalachia is scary. it's full of things that will kill you. don't look out the window at night cause a booger will get you.' only they don't call them boogers cause they ain't even from here. ask them what a haint is and they'll ask if u mispelled 'haunt.'

it gets even worse when you consider that so much of it has roots in native american culture, and how that continues to be exploited and misrepresented.

i'm not even innocent of that. a while back i had to check myself because i made a comment on here about ~spooky appalachia~ ignorant to the fact that what i was commenting on was actually a deeply important cultural and spiritual element to local indigenous tribes. my comments were harmful by my failure to educate myself and know better, thereby saying things carelessly.

my point being--i'm from the area. i should have known better.

when outsiders start saying the kind of shit they say about what they think they hear in the woods without even knowing where such an idea comes from, they're disrespecting a displaced, abused and exploited people, harming real cultures just for clicks without even knowing. that's on top of the damage they're doing to greater appalachia.

it's fuckin gross.

i think my favorite one i ever seen was this middle aged white lady going through her pristine mcmansion somewhere in suburbia, pulling the million curtains and locking the million doors, going "nighttime routine in appalachia!! 🤪🤪"

i could be wrong about this particular person--i didn't check their other tiktoks because im sick of them accounts and tired of giving them the benefit of the doubt--but it immediately came off as a transplant because:

1) mcmansion, 2) i dont know nobody here that locks their shit down like that (not locking up could even be argued as a part of my local culture, a reflection of our deep sense of community and trust in our neighbors).

and then the comments was all like "i don't know how you guys live there" and it actually broke my heart and pissed me off because even if--especially if--you're one of us, why the fuck are you harming us for likes? why are you turning people against us in a brand new way?

and to the transplants that do this--why?

you're not even from here, you moved here to this place you hate and made it worse just so your front porch would have a nice view, and are now benefiting socially from perpetuating bullshit about us?

you buy up all the land, land we often had no choice but to sell in the first place to survive instead of passing it on to our families, land we originally took from the indigenous peoples your content comes from.

you overdevelop it and turn it unrecognizable to make it more like the comfortable cities you come from. you gut a mountain town of its local businesses and cultures, you price people out of their homes...

...and then once you settle in all cozy like, you go tell everyone else how scary it is? how you can't trust the hills? like it's a cool paranormal bravery badge to wear? fuck off entirely.

so idk, in short my personal thoughts are: i personally enjoy a little myth as a treat, because the folklore is a part of the gothic, a part of our culture and a part of my childhood. i don't (intentionally) wield it as a weapon or use it as a pedestal to get the weird brand of attention that people like them are after.

and those who do this can get got by them haints for all i care.

[violetmuses]

Angel - T. Richmond ❤️‍🩹

Title: Angel - T. Richmond ❤️‍🩹

Fandom: “Rebel Ridge” Film Universe

Character: Terry Richmond

Pairing: Terry Richmond + Female Reader

Main Storyline: Facing one nightmare could lead to unexpected joy.

@episodes-ff @diaries-of-me @blackgurlnhermoods @liquorlaughslove @babybratzmaraj @cloveroctobers @becauseimswagman1 @slippinninque 🏷

=====

2024

“Excuse me?” Grounded in the rural town of Shelby Springs, veteran Terry Richmond noticed your own steps moving down this federal corridor.

“Yes?” You've turned around mid-stride when someone catches your attention.

Goodness gracious.

Towering this muscular build as he chose one fitted shirt, veteran Terry Richmond offered unexpected height as his striking gaze reached your direction.

“I left the police station this morning and I don't have representation yet. Do you know anyone available?” His deep yet gentle voice nearly shook up your presence.

“Depending on your case, finding assistance could be difficult. Most of us scramble here with many circumstances.” Clearing your throat, an explanation offered the truth.

“Are you swamped?” Richmond handed out the question for obvious reasons.

“I might as well be.” You sighed while holding this briefcase. “This town is so small that you'll cough and everyone will know about it.”

“I just need help if something goes wrong.” Terry knew better.

“Follow me. Let's speak in private.” You offered this path while heading elsewhere.

______

“I'm sorry if there's too much going on, but how can I move forward?” Richmond sat across from you while placed in this cramped office.

“No chance in hell.” Struggling with advice, you shook your head after learning Terry Richmond's case. "Just show up on Monday like the Chief said or you've lost an opportunity.”

“He's not very nice.” Richmond settled his frustration regarding Sandy Burne, the arrogant Chief of Police.

“Burne is only tolerable if folks put up with his nonsense.” You say. “Defiance gets your ass kicked out.”

“I'll be gone if everything stays in order.” Terry just wanted to leave this place with his cousin Mike alive.

“Be careful out here.” Your voice cautioned. “The police department has more resources than everyone else.”

“Does Burne know who you are?” Terry still looked out.

“Enough to keep me working.” You almost scoffed behind the desk. “Tight skirts always make money. There's so many perverts that I even collected wedding rings for this side of town.”

Damn. Richmond thought.

“Apologies for wasting time.” Terry stood from the chair and gathered his backpack, ready to go.

“Here's my contact info as a safeguard.” You exchanged phone numbers.

“Thank you, Ma'am.” Terry nodded, leaving this establishment.

******

“Terry! I heard the news. Where are you?” You picked up this phone in broad daylight.

Reports explained drama that bled from the corrupt police station.

“At the hospital. Medics started helping Summer McBride.” Richmond acknowledged one of the other legal assistants.

“What's the next plan? You can't stay here forever.” Your voice warned again.

“I've figured out a settlement.” Terry explained further. “We locked enough proof to shut everything down.”

“What should I do?” You didn't even know what to think. “Summer's probably knocked off from ailments.”

“Please pick me up from the lobby.” Richmond continued speaking. “I lost my bike and just gave back one of their police cruisers.”

“Okay. Stay there.” You snatched car keys without thinking twice and rushed out of work.

******

“Terry!” You honked while staying in that driver's seat and Terry jogged outdoors, circled around to meet the passenger side.

“Thank you.” Despite expressing gratitude, Richmond couldn't smile when you punched the gas to avoid more problems.

______

“Where should we go, Terry?“ Given no other choice, you kept driving. “With Burne still mad, you're better off leaving this place.”

“Come with me.” Richmond pulled his deep voice again.

“What?” Squinting, you nearly pulled the car over right now.

“If I couldn't help Mike and Summer get out of here, maybe there's a chance with us.” Terry offered.

“I….” You've made one turn and led Richmond near the airport.

“No matter what happens, we'll keep looking out for each other. Deal?” His words revealed this vow.

“Deal.” You hurried to park the car before gas would run out and reached Terry's hand while entering that larger terminal.

*****

Scoring this new home, you joined Richmond and practically lived together now.

“No luck?” Terry snuck from behind as you work with your laptop by the kitchen table.

“Stop it!” Laughing, you almost swatted him away as this rare yet adorable smile brightened his face.

“I'm asking.” Richmond pointed to the main screen.

“Working soon.” You grinned while confirming another placement.

“Aight, c'mon…” Hardly responding, Terry lifted your weight and carried you over his shoulder, leading this moment upstairs.

“Wait, put me down!” Your laugh would echo straight through his mind forever.

[genderqueerdykes]

finding out i'm intersex has been the most relieving, freeing thing i've experienced, second only to starting testosterone. like... finally knowing why my body was so different from my perisex transmasc peers', why i could never relate to them, why i always gravitated towards intersex discussions of their development--because hold on a minute, that sounds familiar!

i felt just like. really ashamed for a long time. ashamed for relating to intersex folks (because i was worried about "co-opting their experiences" no matter how silent i stayed about my experiences, no matter how much i denied the Strangeness around my own bodily development, no matter how much i tried to reassure myself that it's okay to relate to people who aren't necessarily like me, etc--the moral OCD probably made this a thousand times worse), ashamed for never relating to perisex [transmasc] folks, and just. Ashamed.

things finally clicked into place for me recently ("hold on, wtf do you mean growing multiple, actual beard hairs at 16 (pre-T!) when all of your cis, perisex male relatives only started growing their facial hair in their early 20s at the very earliest is 'normal perisex development'? that feels completely backwards. like wildly backwards. dude, you're nearly a year and a half on T and you've gotten absolutely 0 fat redistribution, all that's happened is you've gained weight and muscle; your body generally has the exact same ratios part-to-part as it did before, just Bigger/More. buddy, you were a fucking baritone pre-T, which is wildly deep for someone who is presumably perisex and was afab. pal, every single effect of testosterone happened WAY sooner and more 'severely' than expected (except for the fat redistribution, which didn't happen at all because your fat distribution was already extraordinarily masculine), you're extremely sensitive to testosterone HRT in a way most perisex people probably would not be. friend, you have notably high testosterone levels and the only reason nobody mentioned it is probably because you were tested to go on testosterone, not because of other concerns (that you never mentioned), thus leading to them thinking it was a non-issue, or at least would be a non-issue in a few months since you were going on T anyways--and also, when has anybody ever mentioned that you've had notably high or low levels of anything? it took you months after the corresponding blood test to learn you had an iron deficiency requiring 130mg in iron supplements every day until you no longer got your period! why would they ever mention the high testosterone levels to you???"--etc etc, i could probably go on for hours) and it's been. possibly The Best Thing for my self confidence and mental health. it feels obvious in hindsight, but hindsight is also 20/20. and also i was riddled with moral OCD and fears of doing/saying/feeling/thinking Something Wrong. following you and hearing your experiences and thoughts has probably helped the most since it like. made the possibility of me being intersex Less Scary to consider.

anyways. Yeah. just needed to ramble about this somewhere/to someone since i'm not really in any intersex spaces (at least, none that i feel comfortable talking much in) and it's a lot to bottle up, even if it's by and large positive hdsgjs hope you don't mind lol

you know, the thing people need to realize is often times there is a lot of time that passes before someone realizes they're intersex. like for a lot of intersex people, not all, but a lot, it takes a really long time to figure that out. and they may question being intersex by reading others' experiences. that's not a bad thing i don't see how it's bad for someone to educate themselves and go. wow that really feels like me. i see myself in this

people get so hostile and mad towards people who are questioning and its like. we ALL go through a questioning phase when it comes to adopting queer identities. you don't just pop into existence knowing the words for all of your experiences. you have to learn somewhere. we have to be kinder to people who don't know what their experience is just yet

i'm glad realizing that has been good for you! i felt the same way when i realized it i was like ??? why can't i relate to a lot of these experiences. being intersex can be a super unique experience that makes you feel like a total outlier. i'm glad you now have a word and a community for who you are and what you're going through! thanks for stopping by, i really appreciate hearing from you! let us know if you need any help down the road

[trainsinanime]

Your favorite fanfic writer doesn't know (but would like to)

Let's talk about comments on fanfics. This is not meant as a guide or call to action, just a bit of observations. Personally, I always saw it as impolite to ask for reviews or kudos or comments or likes or reblogs or whatever. That's not a rational point of view, it just reflects how I am. And people actually telling others that they have to leave any of this feedback? I've blocked folks over that. In my mind that's not okay. I'm not announcing a change of that, this is not a policy, just some deep-seated mental issues, but I want to write down some more things that have been going through my mind, from the perspective of someone who occasionally writes fanfics. My previous suggestion in this regard was mostly to write some fanfic yourself and see what happens and what you'd like to happen, because it's genuinely fun and I think you probably have more to say than you realise.

But there's also another point here, and that is that your favourite fanfic writer has no idea that they are. If you're anything like me, then it will seem like the great writers in your fandom are obvious. Also, the last time you bought Blåhajs, it ended with you having to flee a smoke-filled subway tunnel. The great stories and great writers in your universe are facts of nature. You read a story and you think, "this is the greatest thing I've ever seen." A story rewires your brain chemistry forever. You keep coming back and reading that one fic whenever the mood hits you. It feels obvious that this story is great. How could it not be?

It feels trite to say that the author of that fic doesn't know that unless you tell them, but it's hard to really understand the feeling unless you've been there yourself. You write a story, but is it any good? Maybe you get a lot of kudos, or maybe very little, but what does either of that mean? Kudos can mean literally anything from "loved this" to "didn't close the tab in disgust". Maybe you just got unlucky. Maybe you just got lucky. What do these numbers mean? What is a good number of kudos? 1? 10? 100? 1000? Should I calculate ratios? How do I know whether people like this?

In light of this, a comment where someone just said, "I loved this", has an almost incalculable worth. A comment where someone says they read this over and over again, or quotes lines they loved, or something? You can't imagine how valuable that is. A while ago someone told me "a couple of us are talking about this on Discord, we love it and we keep repeating our favorite lines". I thanked them, but I was too polite to say, "really? What are they saying? Which are your favorite lines? How many people are there who love it? What are their names? Which lines are the favorite ones, please, tell me!". Part of me still regrets that, because I so desperately want to know! I don't think it was a public Discord and I never heard from the others on it, but just the idea that they're out there and they like my story was so powerful. (By the way, it's not on any account that's linked from here, please don't try to find that comment.)

Now, I firmly believe that you, as a reader, don't have to care about any of that. I know there are people who disagree with me on this point, very strongly in fact, but I don't think it's necessarily your job to care. It's great if you do, and I think a lot of you do in fact care, that's why I'm writing this. But if you haven't thought about that or don't feel comfortable leaving comments or whatever, that's fine, that's normal, and you are in fact part of the majority. Any well-adjusted fic author has found ways to deal with this. They have learned to love writing for its own sake, or they love re-reading their own fics, or they have a couple of trusted friends who like their work, or ideally all three. Personally I was scared of Discord for the longest time, but it really helps with that. One person who you sort of know going "hey that's neat" can outweigh just about anything else. (Still, there will be days when you post something and you won't get a response and that just plain sucks, no two ways about it.)

But if you do care, if you think it's important that a fanfic writer knows what they mean to you, not because of any concern about the wider unpaid fan creator economy but just because of the way their work affected you, then this is important. Your favorite fanfic writer probably doesn't know and/or believe that they're anyone's favorite, and even if they do, a reminder or learning that someone knew found them will make them incredibly happy. And obviously, all of that applies at least just as much to all the beginners with potential that are out there. So if you're wondering whether it's worth it leaving a comment that says how much you enjoyed something: It probably is. And if you shared this with others and they loved it, or if this is your favourite fic, or if you enjoy how original it is, or how well it does your favourite tropes, or anything like that, the writer is going to be so happy to hear that.

A final aside: This obviously applies even more when it's about fandoms, pairings, subject matter and in particular ratings that are considered a bit embarrassing. Writers who write stuff that, say, happens to be E-rated for whatever reason, doesn't matter, will probably get fewer kudos and comments just because people are embarrassed to have their names show up in the Kudos and Comment sections. If that's you, just a note that it is perfectly okay to comment anonymously, or to create a second separate account for leaving kudos on, commenting on and maybe even posting the somewhat more risqué stuff. Now I'm not saying I have one of these second accounts, at least I'm not saying that in public, but it is an option worth considering.

[aitadjcrazytimes]

It's been a good run

But it's time to bring this to a close!

The saga is over, C, T and I are all together. T and I are in the swing of it, C approves as much as it is possible for him to approve of anything, everyone knows about the blog and is chill.

C is back at his rightful place of walking his sister down the aisle.

I'm getting everything I want, and we're all free to make each other miserable until the day we die.

I'm not going to be updating this blog anymore! Nobody else involved with the situation will be submitting any more AITA posts either, because they are either not on tumblr or agreed it would be annoying.

I will say that there is some stuff on here that I've alluded to that isn't necessarily 100% in the spirit of things, so I've included some stuff below the cut for the folks who have caught onto that. I would not suggest reading it if you like how all of this played out and want to keep it that way. I know that's incredibly vague, but I'm not sure how to phrase it without making it weird?

Thank you all for listening and talking to me over the past few days! That's where I'm leaving it!

...

...

...

...Is everyone who wants to keep believing in the disaster polycule gone? Yes? OK!

So, this was fake. I made up the whole thing. TK and C and T and everyone else are fictional characters. Did I lie? Yes. Thanks for coming to my TED Talk.

Q: All of it? Even the og AITA post? The followup AITA post? The screenshots?

A: All of it.

Q: Wh... Why did you do this...?

A: Well, first this all started as a Red vs Blue fanfic for the ship Chexer (Church/Tex/Tucker)-

It started as a fanfic for Chexer. However, I was already working on a different fanfic for RVB that was totalling about 15k words at this point (+ at least 90k to go), and I knew I would never have the time or energy to write this one. I thought: yknow. this would be really funny as an aita post.

Q: It was a fanfic of a Halo fanfic series.

A: Yep!

So, I submitted Tucker's perspective. I did not expect for it to get more than maybe 100 notes at most. I totally thought someone would call it out right away.

The funny part is, if I'd dedicated all this energy to a fic instead of this blog, I'd probably have about 15-20 thousand words of fic already, but whatever, can't ruin my personal day!

Also, I wanted to see how many people would figure it out/how long it would take for it to become too obvious that this was a fandom thing. I was dropping names and RvB lore since the beginning. A few people did figure it out, and I DMed them in private to let them know.

Q: But why make the blog then?

A: Because I love to lie and be a nuisance to the general populace! <3

It was always my intent to wait until Carolina's perspective got posted (i am honestly still shocked i got away with "Carey/Georgia/West Virginia/Alabama/Miss Louisiana 1988"), let it simmer for about a day, then come clean. Which is what I'm doing now!

The reason I'm coming clean now instead of dragging it out is because I don't want anyone to feel stupid or like they got duped. You're not stupid! You were a part of this story! This was, as one anon said, a creative writing project. It was a collaboration! Thank you so much for helping me!

That said, I'm sorry to anyone that finds this disappointing! I had a blast doing this, but I will not be doing it again. I have gotten my fill. I have had my taste of being an influencer, and now I can go on with my life without ever feeling like I need to start a youtube channel.

Q: How did you keep up with a consistent timeline?

A: I didn't, especially at first. But in my time as a liar who lies about things, I have found that usually people are willing to believe you when you say "yeah, i lied about that".

Q: Wait, what about the thing with your kid?

A: Yeah, I fucked up on this one. In the other fic I was/am writing, Tucker was around 33. So, when I was saying what Junior's age was, I subtracted it from 33 and got 18. It wasn't until I was showing my partner the blog and they said "Wait, he had his kid at 13??????" that I realized I had fucked up. Oops!

Q: Was it really ALL fake?

A: For the most part. I will say that I did actually drop chocolate cake all over my tits that one time and had to shower by myself like a fucking loser. That one was true. I did also get my nails done for the first time ever, which did actually affect my typing. And I am in a band (but so is Tucker, canonically)! There are a few other things as well, but I don't want to list all of them.

Q: DID you ever read homestuck?

A: Nope. And I never will.

Even the title, though I will say that the title I came up with was "Leonard "Alpha Bitch" Church's Decidedly Not Lo-Fi Beats to Get Nasty and Get Clean To: The Movie"

Q: So there was never a combination sex/bathtime playlist?

A: Maybe! But perhaps more accurately: the combination sex/bathtime playlist was inside of you all along. You can make it. There are only three songs on there that are canon to the lore of this blog. Those are No Children by The Mountain Goats, Take It Out On Me by Thousand Foot Krutch, and one unknown song from the album Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV by Coheed and Cambria (Yep, the call was coming from inside the house, I gave Church my music taste). I had intended this to be Wake Up, but it's out of my hands now. The rest is yours to fill in.

Q: What's your main blog, so I can follow you?

A: Hi, this is aitadjcrazytimes. You're not getting that.

Q: Your AO3 handle?

A: Nope, not that either.

You will never find me. And that's the way I want it. You will see me in every blog. Every new follower. Every stranger you meet on the street. You will look into your discord kitten's eyes, and you will absently wonder if he was the one behind aitadjcrazytimes. And you will never know for certain.

Q: But-

A: Let me live on in your memory. The only person who knows both who I am and the fact that I did this is my partner, who is not into RvB or commonly on tumblr. I am not a RvB blog. I am not a writing blog. I am a nobody on the fringes of tumblr society who's been here long enough to know how to remain in the shadows.

And, even if you do manage to find me, against all odds:

No one will ever believe you.

I am closing my askbox. I am also closing my messages. If you have anything to say to Tucker or Me (tumblr user aitadjcrazytimes), you are welcome to do so in the replies or reblogs, but you will not be receiving an answer. I'll keep this blog up for anyone that wants to go through after the fact and do a deep dive or what have you.

Thanks to everyone who made this into the wild ride it was! Live long and get fucked or whatever! Xoxo <3

[espurisprite0]

FRIENDSHIP AQCUIRED(?)

"Uh... who are you looking at?"

"Da awesomely, radical folks of Tumblr, of course!"

"What's Tumblr? Where people?" Sasha looked at the skeleton incredulously.

They always thought they were trained to perfection. To be ready for any scenario.

Yet looking at this multicolored skeleton with more conspicuous character details than them. They clearly have yet to see everything. Sasha thought they even look a bit nervous at first, but when asked they're as cool as a cucumber. So they say.

"Anyhoo! Clearly, ya new to da AU Multiverse. So broski, lay it on me. First impressions?" Fresh was all up in their face when he asked. Completely ignoring Blaste, who audibly growled getting louder for every centimeter Fresh crosses.

"Its... Big?"

"Dats wut she said!" Fresh cackled as the joke left his teeth. Sasha copied that laughter with a milder weaker chuckle, infected by the atmosphere but clearly confused.

"I feel like the universe changed."

"Don't it always?" Fresh shrugged like it was obvious thing. And it probably should be. Sasha has not a sliver on why.

Staring at their confused expression Fresh gasped with a snap of their finger.

"Idea! How's 'bout a super duper, ultra radical, funtastic--by yours truly--multiversal tour!? As the classically exceptionally cultured skeleton I am. I'm totes knowledgeable of the you-know-who's and you-know-what's around these parts!"

"The who and the what?"

"Exactly!" Before Sasha could get anymore out, their arm was seized by Fresh as he hoped on their hover board with an awe'd grin.

"Keep all ya limbs on da hoverboard cuz we goin' on a road trip! Through da Multiverse!!"

"Who are you even talking to?--"

FRESH-POOF!!!

Anyone have a clue on the specific slang Fresh uses. I'm too 'old' to understand Gen Alpha Slang. I'm too internet inept to understand the previous generation slang. I don't know if the slang I'm useing is even the right one. Every time I tried searching about Fresh it always leads back to Dippy Fresh, who only has a few lines and still confuses me.

I legit had to watch Underverse by jakei95 as reference to understand more. I don't know if I even did it right anymore.

WhichTale Sans is owned by Me

Fresh Sans is owned by CrayonQueen

[imtrashraccoon]

This one was slightly tricky to write and I spent several days just writing dialogue whenever I was able to lol. Oh well, it's still something I'm proud of.

By the way, I think I'm going to call this "Have Some Empathy, Dear" and I have already started posting it on AO3. Some of you have already found it lol! There's additional lore bits that I'll probably post over there if you're curious.

CW: Not sure if this is needed, but there is some mentions of toxic family dynamics in this chapter. Classic family favorites one child over the other and makes negative comments about them as well.

@owl-bones

First Day & Next Day.

Bad Sansuary: Horror - Romance

Word Count: 2,087

You'd seen Axe a few times ever since the day you met him in the forest. Somehow, he'd figured out where you lived but had completely dodged the question when you asked how. You kind of just let it go after that as it was nice hanging out with someone after a long day of work.

Yeah, a smart person would've avoided the obvious red flags... Not that you weren't smart, maybe just selectively blind.

He seemed to be a genuinely nice guy, despite the mildly unsettling habits he had, like the fact that he tended to stare at you for long periods of time. It was like he had scary dog energy but without all of the bite, at least towards you anyways.

Today was a you day. No errands that needed to be run, no one requiring you to be at work, and no chores to do around the house. It was just you and the latest episode of your favorite historical romance show. The last episode had ended on a cliffhanger and you were dying to see if Madam Fratchurine accepted Duke Von Gossimer's proposal or not.

You were only halfway through the episode, without a clear answer to the 'Will they, won't they?' question, when a sharp knocking sounded on your front door. Pausing the episode with a frown, you emerged from your blanket cocoon to see who was outside.

Taking a peek through the peephole, your mild annoyance quickly evaporated when you recognized the person on the other side. Barely sparing a thought on how presentable you were, you unlocked and swung open the door to greet them.

"Axe! Um, hi! I, uh, didn't expect to see you today..."

He quirked a bonebrow when you nearly stumbled over your words and his smile morphed into one of mild amusement. You could feel how warm your cheeks had grown all of the sudden and glanced down at your socks.

Clearing your throat, you tried to start over. "Sorry, why don't you come in? Although I should warn you that I've been relaxing all day so the apartment might be a bit messy." You moved to the side so he could step over the threshold rather than remain standing awkwardly outside your door.

Axe chuckled and his eyelight briefly flicked past you into the hallway. " 's no problem, i didn't let you know beforehand. sorry about that..." he responded. He nearly had to duck his skull in order to come inside but thankfully the doorframe was still a few inches taller than he was.

You gathered up the fuzzy blanket you'd been snuggling in and quickly folded it up to make the room slightly less messy. While you were at it, you straightened the sofa cushions and deposited your blanket on the coffee table for now.

"heh, i didn't think you'd be the type to watch sappy stuff like this," Axe commented.

"Huh?" You glanced over and realized he'd noticed the still paused episode. "Ah, well... It's a bit of a...guilty pleasure of mine."

He glanced at you out of the corner of his left eye socket with a look that seemed to suggest amusement. You flushed and quickly looked away from him.

"I suppose you could say I'm a bit of a hopeless romantic..." you muttered. "The idea of finding your one and only? It was just a thing I fixated on when I was younger I guess."

"nothin' wrong with that," Axe said quietly. "a lot of folks look forward to meetin' someone special like that. soulmates or somethin'... i don't really care, but i suppose it would be nice. i'm sure it would all work out though."

You nodded slowly, "I guess so... Honestly, I kind of envy how carefree you are about it."

"well, i'm not in a hurry to settle down right now," he responded with a shrug.

He was right in a way. There was no hurry to find someone and you could always focus on your career in the meantime. Although growing up, there was always the pressure to find someone quickly so you could be taken care of and give your parents a couple of grandchildren. It was "The least you could do," your mother had said.

Of course, you'd then struggled with a string of bad relationships ever since getting out of high school. Not only had you gotten attached really fast whenever a guy ever showed you any modicum of attention, but you also weren't great at standing up for yourself. Your relationships never lasted longer than a few months and while you'd since learned what mistakes not to make, you were starting to wonder if you should swear off dating altogether.

"so, uh, other than shows like this," Axe motioned to the tv, bringing you out of your thoughts again. "what else do ya like to do?"

"Well, I read occasionally and have a small collection of fantasy type books. I used to be part of my school's chess club but I haven't actually had anyone to play against in a while."

You glanced around the living room before your gaze focused on two of your plants on the window sill. "Oh, I try to keep a few plants alive but I don't think I have much of a green thumb. I also like to press flowers or colourful leaves in the fall. They make some pretty collages but I have to make time to actually put them all together."

He nodded approvingly and studied the plants for a moment. "What kind are they?" he asked.

You pursed your lips in thought while you tried to remember. "The one on the left is a yellow Cala Lilly and I think the other is called a Christmas Cactus although it hasn't bloomed since last year. I'm not sure why as it has sun and I haven't forgotten to water it." You shrugged and added, "It's otherwise thriving so I guess I'm doing something right."

"can't say i'm familiar with either of those types so i can't give ya any advice," Axe hummed softly. "i'm more familiar with the kinds of plants ya can cook with, like vegetables or herbs."

"Do you like to cook then?" you asked.

"i do," he answered with a slight nod. "it's somethin' i just really enjoy doin' i guess..." His singular eyelight was still focused on the plants by your window as he trailed off.

When he didn't elaborate further, you couldn't help but feel a bit awkward. His tone of voice seemed to hint at a deeper meaning to what he'd said and you didn't know if you should ask or not.

So, rather than potentially making things more awkward, you decided not to ask and instead to talk about something else. "You know, I like cooking as well. Although, I really only cook for myself so I have limited experience."

Well that certainly seemed to make him perk up. Axe turned to actually look at you and his eyelight flicked over you in a way that you thought was him sizing you up.

"limited experience or not, it's still an important skill to know. did ya teach yourself or...?"

You shook your head, "No, at least not completely... I learned the basics from my mother but everything else I had to learn through good ol' trial and error." You rubbed the back of your neck and quietly added, "Granted, it was mostly by error..."

Axe let out a short chuckle at that. There was clear amusement written across his skull once again, yet it didn't feel like he was making fun of you.

"that's good, sometimes the best way to learn is to actually try your hand at somethin'. or at least it's the best way i know to figure things out." He lightly scratched the right side of his skull, although you noticed how his phalanges nearly hooked into the empty socket as he did so.

"Maybe we could cook something together sometime then...?" you asked.

To your surprise, he nodded vigorously and his permanent grin quirked wider at the idea. "sure, that could be fun. 's not every day i have the chance to cook with others."

"Awesome!" you exclaimed and gave a bit of a victory fist pump. Axe chuckled again although it was more natural sounding this time, like he hadn't expected you to react with this much enthusiasm.

This conversation made you remember something all of the sudden that you had to share. "You know what's funny? One of the things my mother used to always tell me was, and I quote, 'You gotta find a man who can at least cook because you certainly can't!'" With an awkward chuckle, you added, "In hindsight though, I realize she wasn't actually joking..."

That had been a bad thing to say apparently. His expression flickered between discomfort and concern before settling on a slight frown. You could feel a familiar pit form in your stomach as you realized that you'd basically stuck your foot in your mouth.

Axe let out a heavy sigh through his nasal bone and couldn't seem to meet your gaze all of the sudden. He shifted his weight from one foot to the other before finally muttering a response.

"your mother probably didn't have a guy who could pass for a slasher villian in mind..."

You felt bad for saying something so forward in the first place as it had clearly made him uncomfortable. So you resorted to damage control in an effort to ease tensions once again.

"Well, uh... I guess you're right... She also told me that drinking coffee stunts your growth, which I know isn't true now, but it still frustrated me when I was younger."

Well that got him to chuckle at least. He patted your shoulder in a way that was probably supposed to be reassuring, although it did feel slightly patronising seeing as how tall he was.

"are ya sure that isn't true?" he asked in a tone that sounded like it was supposed to be sassy, although his deep voice did just the opposite.

You crossed your arms and huffed in annoyance. "It isn't! I don't even drink that much coffee compared to other people..."

"what other things did she tell you? any other gems?"

You frowned and shook your head. "Nothing very helpful... She used to be obsessed with my weight growing up and never kept any snacks in the house. If I ever mentioned I was hungry, she'd just tell me to go eat a handful of almonds or something."

You sighed and dropped onto the couch. Steepling your chin with your hands, you tried to take deep breaths to avoid getting all worked up over what had happened in the past. You felt bad that you'd nearly just dumped a bunch of your own trauma on Axe when he was basically a complete stranger.

The cushions shifted as he sat down next to you. You glanced over at him and rather than annoyance like you'd expected, he looked slightly concerned. You very rarely talked to anyone about your childhood as they never understood and brushed off your mother's rules as well-meaning. He didn't seem to be like any of the others though and you started to wonder if he actually understood you.

"I'm...not on good terms with my family...in general," you muttered.

He seemed surprised if the way his left eye socket widened was any indication. "how come?" he asked quietly. "family's pretty important, at least to me anyways..."

You shook your head slowly. "I really don't want to get into all of it right now... But, the short of it is my mother was basically what some people call an almond mom and my older sister was seen as the golden child. I was basically dirt in comparison to her and my entire family favorited her."

"i don't really understand..." Your heart sank but Axe continued speaking before you could try to explain. "but i can tell this is a sore spot for ya, so i won't push ya to explain anythin' else, okay?"

You gave him a stiff smile out of sheer relief. "I appreciate it..." you responded with a sigh.

In an attempt to talk about something lighter, you tried to change to subject. "Do you have any family?" you asked.

His skull visibly brightened, somehow, at your question and he grinned warmly. "yep, i got a younger brother and he's the coolest dude i know..."

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

I've seen a lot of folks talk about how in-universe things would be different in a modern AU, but I'm curious if you have any thoughts about how Animorphs and its world building would be if it were being written now in a (post?-) war on terror world rather than a post-Vietnam War world.

So this'd be speculation, but. But a lot has changed since 1996. We'd probably get YA Animorphs if published today (sigh), and we'd definitely get 6 or 12 oversized tomes rather than 54 slim paperbacks. On the plus side, we'd get canon queer rep, especially Tobias and Marco, and we'd get updated animal facts.

And then there's the War on Terror. Controversial opinion: I think it wouldn't change that much about Animorphs, because it's obvious in hindsight that Applegate saw the foreverwar coming.

Like, look at Marco's speech in MM2 about how the U.S. is "always on the lookout for new enemies... Enemies 'R Us, EnemyMart, J.C. Enemy. Don't worry, we'll find one." Or his point in #46 about how "global warfare is a thing of the past. That’s what people think, anyway" and the inherent danger in war becoming this glorious abstraction to too many Americans. Look at Visser's point about how humans "tear down a living man but revere a dead one" and use tragic deaths to forward the political agenda, whatever that might be. Look at Jake's job in #54, developed because "terrorism had grown... religious extremists... antigovernment paranoids... latter-day racists."

And then look at the andalites. "Police force of the galaxy" (#8), "Meddlers of the galaxy" (HBC), who often do more harm than good to the planets they try to save. They try to use their tech and military advantages responsibly... but not so responsibly that they're willing to give up even an iota of power to save lives. We first meet the andalites as the absolute good guys, and then over the course of the series that foundation crumbles (#8), and crumbles (#18), and crumbles (#19), and crumbles (#38), until Jake and Eva are "making deals with taxxons and yeerks to gain a victory fast enough to keep the andalites from deciding... to blast the entire planet out of existence and take out the bulk of the yeerk race along with the human race" (#53). Sound like any countries you know?

Anyway, Animorphs shows the Afghanistan War wasn't caused by the Sept. 11 murders any more than World War I was caused by Franz Ferdinand's murder. Applegate was writing in a U.S. itching for any moral-looking excuse to go to war, and clearly she knew it.

[graysparrowao3]

2024 Writing Reflections

Thank you @little-paperboat, what a nice tag to receive, really interesting to reflect on these questions. I'm not sure who may not have a tag, here are some no pressure ones if you would like to join and an open invitation (no seriously, I really like this one I want to tag everyone lol)💛 @wakacreations @thylyre @faetouchedfool @barbwillbrb @lolliputian

What's been your biggest learning point this past year?

To embrace the joy of writing. This meant trying new things or putting them out there or just writing what spoke to me. Writing "easy" and not worrying about my prose - if I just wanted to write fun dialogue with the same damn dialogue tags, then go for it babe, let those blorbos yap. If I wanted to put in the most cliche, in-your-face metaphor, smack that literary device on the arse and send it out! If I had a short idea that I thought was fun, I could share it as a fic, or a post, or even just a message amongst people who like similar things. The more I embraced the joy of it just for its own sake the less anxious I felt about it.

How has your writing developed this past year?

Writing sexually explicit content. I'm very cautious about the explicit content I consume for my own psychological comfort, and it was quite liberatory to be in control of the writing and know what was going to happen, and definitely allowed my writing to grow in depth, gain a new skill, and explore more heavy and intimate themes.

Bad writing habits?

I get impatient and want to be done with something even when I know the editing isn't quite finished and then spend the next hour frantically making edits after it's uploaded.

Favorite thing you wrote?

I feel like this changes every time I reflect on it, probably because I like them for different reasons.

For now, I'm going to say Part 10, the main "concluding" part of the NB series. I was absolutely exhausted after I wrote it.

I'll also say chapter 10 in The Elturian Prodigy, because in it Rolan begins to figure out the events of Descent into Avernus, and I was proud to be able to come up with how he might do it that didn't seem super obvious but that an intelligent character could reason through.

Biggest win?

Finding support and kindness that uplifted me to such an extent that it has changed the trajectory of my life. I'm part of the many folks who have found their joy and creativity again thanks to fandom writing and the overwhelming and unexpected kindness of people in the online community spaces. I even had some people in real life remember I was trying to write again and ask how it was going and I had to not be a big emotional mess about it. Thank you online writing friends <3

Your favorite words of the year, aka the words you check each chapter for, making sure you didn't repeat them 788 times?

Everyone is always breathing in various ways. Lots of deep breaths, huffing, snorting, air catching in throats. Or chuckling in various dry, wry, ways. Or brows doing various things; raising, creasing, cocking.

This is a ridiculous sentence, but I had to take a moment in the middle of the NB series and check I wasn't overdoing twat, bastard, and feck and turning it into a caricature. (There's a part where Rugan says "Every other word out of your mouth is 'feck this' or 'bastard that'" which was absolutely me calling myself out lol).

Goals for the new year?

I think I responded to this elsewhere, but in this moment I am thinking...

Just don't stop reading and writing, keep practicing and growing.

Always remember the kind words of internet friends that have made you have faith in yourself.

Keeping working on the ongoing WIPs.

I think, if I'm being honest, I would really love to finally get something original self-published or close to it by the end of 2025. As the saying goes, the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago, but the second best time is now.

What are you excited for in the new year?

Well I'm in the middle of a couple of interviews, so getting hired would be good because life has thrown a lot around recently that won't be letting up any time soon. Fingers crossed.

I got some books for Christmas and my anniversary before that I'm looking forward to reading. Just finished the First Law trilogy.

Getting through some more of my fic WIPs and moving towards completion of those projects.

Some more cheeky tags because this is a great tag game if you are interested @vera-king-hrfl @beesht @ashprince-of-bel-air @alpydk @dutifullylazybread

[zeondraws]

An update post with bits of information I wanted to compile. There was a lot of stuff I found out and had to correct myself on. So I hope this will be interesting for everyone.

I will go over quite a few bullet points.

First things first, the Day and Night schedules can be found in various locations throughout the game. At first I did not know there were 4 lists in total. 2 for day and 2 for night. The ones I saw ingame were night time if I am not mistaken, maybe next time I will check if the day shifts can be seen anywhere.

But I want to thank @sgiansporran and @peace-comes-dropping-slow for helping me with the names on the schedule.

I have shared this image before, however I am crazy so I basically put everything into an excel list???

The image is best viewed in a seperate tab, but I tried to write all names down from the schedules + any name that was not mentioned in there at all (or ones I can't sort into it). Which are these:

I tried to write down the names, which schedule they were mentioned in + the location from the file. Then I tried to add the room number to each name that I could sort it to. I was able to figure out more names for the accomodation rooms, but I will talk about that in a bit!

Then I wrote down how they died/my assumption and then added the name meaning/origin of the name at the back. Just to help me sort known names into the list.

Other folk helped me with this list as well, since we have quite a few names where we "assume" where we found the first names for them.

These are some confirmed/assumed guessed of who is listed where on the list. The big problem is there are tons of spelling mistakes in the shift lists (It's why people thought Muir's first name was Derek at first, no one could figure out Innes' first name was Terry, because the only Terry listed had a "W." at the end. Now how would one figure that out? Nope ). So we can only take these as a grain of salt where it isn't confirmed.

There are two more Innes' listed and another Muir on the schedule! Hence why these lists are very confusing...

For example Roper was a bit difficult for me. The only reason I thought Nachton would fit to him, was because it was the only name that had "R." at the end (For the record; "Control Room" refers to Marine Control). Every other name listed for the control room didn't have "R." after the first name. Then someone reassured me, after we checked the meanings of each name listed.

Nachton means "pure", so we figured that could fit him best, considering he'd help you later in the game. But I think the others are better at explaining this than me. I always feel a bit unsure if I phrase something correctly.

There is one person named "Baby" and I'm, who is that even-

Then Archie for example was somewhat easy, tho there were two Archies (Archie A. and Z.), however the other Archie was listed for deck. Meanwhile Archie Z. was listed for Administration, which would fit because a writing with his name can be found there.

Another one is Finlay, I didn't properly discuss this one with the others, my rough assumption would be Elisen F..

Addair T. is obvious, "Knox" Gibson is an assumption, tho I am not sure. Devs could just show up one day and say "His name is Allen-"

Geregor Y. is confusing, only name that almost sounds like Gregor, google thinks it's a misspelling. So that's another guess.

We don't talk about Trots, his name melts me, Ian Campbell wasn't listed on the shifts, my brain is exploding.

... did you guys notice there is a "Gumball" on the list? That, that's clearly a reference to the show, isn't it? oiijeoioedöijewijdw

Then we have two folks called "Andy" and "Jamie", which might be confusiong for many. However this brings me to my next point; the remaining dead crewmates from various locations.

You probably wondered who those random dead people are you can find in Accomodation later. After finally having a better Mappings file for fmodel I checked the names for each of them. And suprise suprise! I discovered where SOME mentioned crewmates are.

Ever wondered where Kelly is? She's (Edit: I don't know what gender Kelly is) in the Crew Lounge before you meet mutated Trots for the second time.

My main problem with fmodel is, it doesn't display a bunch of textures properly. I fixed some issues but it's still showing me the middle finger with the shape textures. But this is Kelly everyone.

Ever wondered WHO the person was, that died on the toilet?

It's Jamie

And who is Andy?

One anon asked me about Gibbo recently

Gibbo's body CAN be found in the game! However... multiple times. If I remember I found one in Admin too, next to the water tanks, then another area I forgot again.

This happens for almost everyone who mutated. Tho the main mutated ones all appear somewhere else too EXCEPT Roper and Muir. Their bodies do not appear a second or third time anywhere else in the game.

I did find Rennick once in another location, but it's a tiny fragment, so he probably counts as not appearing anywhere else too.

Ever wondered what the first names of the Schaw/Shaw brothers were? Idk if they are brothers, I read that somewhere, so please only take that with a grain of salt. I saw no indication of them being brothers anywhere.

Shuggie

Keith

Bannon

Ken

Before you go down to Utility for the first time, there is a wall with heads, on the right to them, there is a hidden body (with the camera mod you can look outside and see his legs dangling in the air), which is Ken. I think the shape came out of him, when you try to walk down the stairs to lifeboats, but it blocked the path and opened the laundry room.

Alex

Dagleish

I found it interesting to find Dagleish, but then was horrified because

He. Was. EVERYWHERE.

Jesus fucking christ mate

Also random side note, apparently Addair and Alex are attached to Roper. Even Roper can't escape Addair..

Either way, these discoveries helped me to fill out the Accommodation Map once more-

Unfortunately I don't think I can figure out who is in room 115. The corpse has O'Conner's skin (judging the file name of the body, in that room), but we know that's not O'Conner.

Jamie I assume has room 118, but that's my assumption, the room has nothing in it, in the level.

-

Now I want to talk about another random note, which is extremely infuriating, because I simply don't get it. It's about Douglas, I noticed his full name is "Douglas Dunbar"

However, there is another Dunbar, so I am VERY confused. It's the Trots name all over again! *throws hands*

Just look at Darts Tournament and you can see Dunbar and Douglas as seperate handwritings. If you are confused where Douglas is written, it is on the right next to Davey.

Here you can also see Muir wrote his name "Ewan" down, meanwhile Innes just wrote "Innes".

Oh and while we are at the topic of Innes! Remember when we found some Innes Puppet files? At first we thought ouu oooooooo, we also found sound files of unknown howls. Maybe that's Innes, considering "Puppet_Innes" appears a bunch of times in the files.

But after I properly set up the Audio exports in fmodel, I checked these unknown howls and they weren't labelled with a name. They were some random unknown howls, none point towards Innes.

Considering another unused soundfile, it probably means Innes never really turned. But I won't spoiler that audio file rn.

Either way, one of his puppet files, points towards a Minor Puppet file, in another folder. I opened that model in blender and

I realised this must be the tendril, that is specifically used to grab Innes. My big assumption is, he has puppet files so the devs know which tendril to use for the scene. That's all I can think of.

.....

Mfw Muir has ONE specific tendril just for Innes-

I think I need to leave it as this now, I realised very quickly that writing such posts takes way more energy. Mainly because of the amount of research I did, not properly keeping track of my findings and then slightly forgetting some things again.

Def important to remember when I work on videos, I need to document this better.

I really hope you guys enjoy this infodump. There is still a lot to connect together and each time the rabbit hole does not end-

Random fun fact, in another deleted soundfile Brodie says "Roper's Control Room". I found that interesting

[sugar-omi]

Hello ! I was mentally torturing myself and I thought that I could share my heart wrenching thoughts. (No I'm not utterly traumatized, in a good way I promise, by the cheating on Cove with Baxter fic.)

Buuut... in step 3, if we like Cove and didn't confess he does. It's an adorable moment however, Cliff's reaction about our new baby couple left me wondering. He says that MC and Cove's relationship will either end up with the breakup of a lifetime or a marriage. Even if, it is meant to be a lighearted comment, it says a lot. So don't you think that MC's could feel pressured (by their family) to date Cove, even if they like him ? MC could be in love while also being so confuse about their feelings for him and being unable to say if they're just trying to fulfill their families wishes.

That was a lot, so feel free to answer or not. Sorry for my English and have a good day ! :p

no bc i think about this a lot, but in the way of how would i act if this was actually my life? n i also think about loving cove so much, it feels like an obsession, loving him so much that it chokes you up.. i just get this so much n im really glad you brought this up bc i wasn't sure how to bring it up myself!!!

tags : Angst / Hurt/Comfort, ramble. a very big ramble.

synopsis : MC is very overwhelmed by their feelings for cove, and the expectations of others.

your whole life has been this small town, this sleepy street out of an even sleepier town. the most excitement and life you get is from your neighbor, someone who has always been there since life began to matter.

and even if you have a bunch of friends from school, there's a big difference between them and someone you see every morning and before bed.

you have to find opportunities to see them, to see derek, to see lee, but seeing cove tomorrow is always guaranteed.

so it's obvious you'll catch feelings for him, and if those feelings turn to love, it's such a strong feeling for someone so young. it's a feeling that'll drown you, choke you up, it keeps you up at night and you feel like you could cry because everything about cove is so perfect, he's so lovely and kind and he turns what could be a nightmare into a dream.

but it's such a fragile feeling, and it takes something so small to break it.

even if it's obvious, so obvious that cove loves you back, especially when he asks you on a date. but just like he's worried about, what if this feeling between you is just because of how small this town is, and the even smaller distance between you and him.

and that your families are only so close because your parents have been conspiring on you two since before you even knew of each others existence.

and that you have only had this many opportunities to fall in love because his dad bribed you to be his son's friend, your parents urging you to be kind to the new neighbor, your sisters insistent teasing about your 'baby boyfriend', lee asking about the obvious tension between you when you're 13 and can't even breathe the same air without blushing.

even derek asking if you like anyone, and you can't forget baxter asking how long you and cove have been living together...

there's no way that the nosy neighbors and passerby's haven't made comments about you and cove. i won't even bring up your school mates, who are probably relentless about how close you are.

someone definitely tells you that cove likes you. and tells cove that you like him.

as if you didn't know, as if it wasn't so obvious there was something.

so many people dangling this tension in front of your face, teasing you, prodding you. so many people, especially the older folk, anticipating the obvious. or what they think is an obvious ending to the story of two neighbors.

it's scary. because what if this feeling is just anxiety? what if this feeling is just built off all the nights you fantasized about him? built off all the times your sister visualized your wedding to cove over dinner.

what if the heat in your cheeks is just because your classmates are yelling across the hall about you liking cove, or cove liking you.

what if it's just because the teacher is telling you two to "get a room" or "you can makeout later, get to class!"

and god the way cove looks at you. the way he acts around you, the things he does for you.. it just makes your heart flutter more. so much more

but it also scares you. what if you disappoint him? ruin what you have? it terrifies you. and your feelings terrify you even more.

you're so in love with him you feel like you could fly. you would give him the world, sun, moon, and stars. you'd hand it all over to him on a silver platter, and still give him more.

it's all scary.

such intense feelings, and so many expectations. all that combined with your overthinking, your fears that eat you up in the night.

you can't be at fault for not confessing, or rejecting cove. but why does it hurt so much?

it haunts you for a long time, the guilt, the look on cove's face, trying to avoid why there's awkward tension between you... but i hope you get over it. even if you don't, i hope you realize why you did it

it was easier to dissect your emotions from everything else once you've had a chance to grow and experience life outside sunset bird.

and your and cove's worries about your relationship and feelings only being true and sturdy because of all the adults around you urging you together, is easily found false (to an extent, everyone still brags about setting up certain events to get you two close) when you two are still a thick as thieves

so if you or cove confess in between step 3-4, or you or him confess in step 4, i hope you feel comfortable accepting it now that you don't feel as much pressure having a happy ending with cove

and even if you do, you're the only one cove will want, so take your time, and maybe this time, you can get through your fears with a little communication this time?...