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olympeline · 6 months ago

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Been thinking about why I found Arthur in the Dark so impressive and it made me realise something kinda significant. Something significant that I’m going to put under a read more because it revolves around a heavy subject. So I wouldn’t advise looking beyond the cut if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing.

Less important, but everything below is a big spoiler and, guys seriously. If you like USUK and can handle darker fiction - no pun intended - give AitD a try. Don’t spoil yourself here. Go try it first and then come back if you’re interested. Try it if you’re neutral on USUK. Or, heck, even if USUK is a ship you dislike but isn’t an outright NOTP. I’d still recommend checking out this comic. Arthur in the Dark is still worth a read in my opinion. It’s that good. But enough gushing. Read on for the meat of this post.

Ready? Here we go: Arthur in the Dark has one of the best depictions of rape I’ve ever seen in a piece of media. “Best” as in most skillfully crafted for narrative purposes. Honestly and truly. Not even kidding. Which is kind of amazing considering it’s a depiction that came from a fan comic based on a jokey, anime gag series. Why do I feel this way? A couple of reasons:

Firstly, the rape in AitD is frighteningly, tragically realistic. Something the majority of fictional rapes are not. We tend to think of rape as taking place in a dark alley in the inner city. Stereotyping up a scene of a bottom feeder, criminal man dragging a (young, attractive) woman away to violate her. They’re usually total strangers and it’s always violent. These kind of rapes do happen, but statistics tell us they’re the minority. The majority of rapes happen like the one in AitD did: between two people who know each other well. Friends, romantic couples, even family members, make up the bulk of rapists and their victims.

Most narratives prefer the less common type of rape. Usually because the creator doesn’t want to tell a story about rape. Not really. What they want is a gut-punch to add easy drama and darkness to their creation. The sliding scale of “irredeemable bad guy” roughly goes: murderer → cold blooded torturer → rapist → child rapist. Making a villain a rapist is one of the worst things he - because 99% of the time it’s a he - can be. Conversely having a character be raped gains them instant sympathy because people are moral and empathetic creatures at heart. Most creators know this and throw in a rape for the shorthand: “Look how evil our villain is!” Which often makes the rape and its aftermath feel artificial. In no small part because the rapist characters, by virtue of being written to be the worst of the worst, don’t come off as very human. They can’t be when their main purpose is to be loathed by the audience. I could go on because there’s tons more to unpack about rape in fiction, but you get the point.

The rape in AitD isn’t like that. America and England know and love each other. Their relationship is complicated (oh boy, is it ever!) but that part of it is never in doubt. They’re each other’s most treasured person and have been for centuries. They’re not a duo made up of a flat, hate bait, villain on a collision course with their victim. Who’s doomed to suffer and be pitied until the creator decides the audience has had enough of their trauma and shuts it away so the story can move on. America and England are two people living together, going through a period of immense change and stress, trying to manage as best they can, and sometimes getting it very wrong. From a narrative point of view, this makes what happens between them so much better and so much more upsetting at the same time.

Which brings me nicely to reason number two of why this particular rape works: the build up. Like everything else in AitD, America raping England is carefully planned out and set up. The chocolate bar scene, man. Brilliant, I have to say. Alarming, uncomfortable, and brilliant. The scene in the garden is not just sprung on the reader for a jarring “Oh no! Oh shit-!” moment. If your typical under written rape is a cheap jump scare, the rape in AitD is a carefully crafted slowburn dread. Early on we start to become aware we’re building to something bad. From the foreshadowing, the art, the atmosphere, etc. We just know a storm is coming. It’s done without America acting OOC too, which is very important. It’s how he can come back from what he did. Something that would be impossible if the author didn’t handle this setup well. America’s actions aren’t right, but they are understandable. That’s the crucial distinction. The psychology of the whole thing is so very well done. America was in love with England and had been for a long time. The guilt he felt tormented him because of what their relationship was in the past. Caught between his human side and his immortal one. The guilt helped keep America in check because he didn’t want England seeing the lustful way he’d begun to look at him. Then they started living together and England was suddenly vulnerable. Vulnerable in more ways than America was aware. Which is another vital detail of how the creator keeps America sympathetic, but more on that in a moment. England willingly went blind so he wouldn’t have to see when America - the man grown from the child he raised - looked at him with lust. The guilt America felt peaked, only to clash with the realisation that he could freely indulge in his fantasies. Indulge and push (again, chocolate bar scene) now the usual moral restraint - England seeing his desire - was removed.

Meanwhile, England himself felt that same guilt but his was also laced with panic and despair. He didn’t want to lose or strain his relationship with the most important person of his centuries long life. Pulled between human standards of morality and the very inhuman existence of nation-people. Incidentally the clash between their existence as humans, while also being something more than human, is brilliantly done in AitD. It’s something that’s hard to get right - especially involving such taboo topics - but Hotama nails it. USUK usually handwaves the implications around England raising America, but here it’s made part of the narrative. Part of the tragedy, part of the resolution. Good stuff. Anyway, England begged Arthur to take his sight away so he wouldn’t have to see the way America looked at him. Then banished Arthur back into the dark in an attempt to run away from his problems. But without Arthur - without his strength - England couldn’t stand up to America when he needed to. Not that America was aware of any of this because he never knew about Arthur. Which brings me to point three: nuance of blame.

“Blame” is a very loaded word in this context, so I’ll do my best to talk about this carefully. Rape in the media is almost always black and white. Absolutely evil, irredeemable rapist. Absolutely blameless, sympathetic victim. But real life isn’t always that simple. Obviously the rapist is always the perpetrator and the one most in the wrong. I need to make that very clear. But the scene in AitD illustrates that sometimes a victim could have done more to help themselves. Not always, but sometimes. This is a delicate subject so I hope you understand I’m not trying to victim blame. Just saying that rape, like all crimes, doesn’t always deal in absolutes. Unlike media, real life is often complicated and tragic. Good people can give in to temptation. Be weak, do bad things, or allow those bad things to happen. England told America to stop, but failed to follow it up when needed. When America pushed for more and used England’s own words to argue he’d already been given consent, that was when England needed to push back. Interpretation comes in here but, personally, I think if England had told America to stop when prompted, America would have. But England didn’t and he gave in instead. Something America took as a tacit “yes.” Again, not right, but understandable in how it could happen. Their power imbalance had grown extreme, stress and feelings were running high, they were struggling to connect as they used to, England’s prior cowardice and separation from Arthur prevented him from being strong when he needed to be, America was ignorant of his problem, and it all came together in a horrible, tragic mistake. All throughout, the rape continued to be brilliantly, awfully realistic. America not noticing - either genuinely or from denial - that England was not enjoying what was happening. England quickly becoming too distracted by the pain to do anything other than focus on enduring it. Then the aftermath where America didn’t realise what he’d just done due to coming down from a post-sex, post-stress euphoria. Awful, miserable, horrifying, tragic, perfectly crafted scene.

Which brings me to my final reason why this comic impressed me in its depiction of rape: where the story goes from there. Where it goes and how the narrative builds from the rape instead of trying to move on because the “shocking” part is over and now we’re in diminishing returns. Going back to my first point, too many stories see rape as something that happens in an isolated part of the narrative. It happened, it was shocking and brutal, now it’s done and we can move on because we didn’t plan to interweve the rape with the rest of the story. So we won’t give it the weight it needs. At best the victim might get a few scenes expressing their trauma later on - maybe a callback or two - but that’s it. It’s shallow. Plenty of fictional rapes could be replaced with a savage beating and nothing would change. In the worst cases you could remove the rape, not replace it with anything, then run the story with minimal problems. Not so in AitD. There, the rape isn’t just another semi-important plot point. It’s a crucial one which couldn’t be replaced with anything else. The whole first part of the story, the engine of the narrative, is built around America and England failing to deal with their changing relationship. A relationship between a pair of humans who also happen to be strange, immortal beings that ordinary humans can’t understand. Changing from platonic/familial to romantic over hundreds of years. With romance comes lust. Lust can be perfectly healthy just like any other bodily appetite. In this case it became twisted by circumstance, and the only “suitable” narrative payoff was rape. Nothing else would have had the necessary impact.

Then there’s how the rape compares to the final sex scene in some classic narrative juxtaposition. The final sex scene which happens to be the only one in the comic that’s fully consensual on both sides. The one that goes beyond sex and becomes real, honest to goodness lovemaking. It’s a perfect contrast. The rape scene had all the trappings of a classic romance. Right down to it being their first time and taking place in a rose garden. But it’s tragic, horrifying, and deeply unsexy. Then, near the end of their story, America and Arthur get lost on their road trip and have sex in their car. Their crappy, cramped car, where they’re surrounded by ordinary luggage, both of them sweaty and a little cranky with each other after a long day. It’s awkward, ordinary, imperfect and gorgeous. If we didn’t have the rape before to show us the nadir of this relationship, the healing and the dawn that came after wouldn’t be half so meaningful. A very strange thing to say without context, but it was a perfectly done rape that gave the audience the payoff of perfectly done lovemaking. It’s no small feat to get a reader to cheer for a romantic resolution after all of the above. Kind of in awe of Hotama’s skills, I tell you what.

Up to this point and I don’t know what else there is to say other than, geez. This comic, man. Blew me away. I’m so happy I rediscovered my interest in Hetalia if for no other reason than I got to read Arthur in the Dark. I’m a bit of a bookworm in my spare time and I’ve read quite a lot of classic literature over the years. Classic literature with rape scenes not crafted half so well as AitD did. Really think about that. An amateur fan comic based on a jokey gag series about national personifications being silly with each other. Did better at something than the books we hold up as the best of the best. Can’t really say anything else than that is genuinely bloody amazing

#hetalia #usuk #hws america #hws england #aph america #aph england #my posts #arthur in the dark

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fangirlingatstuff · 2 years ago

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Hi ive seen your work, thank you for keeping the epic fandom alive 🙏🙏. I’m not sure if you do nod but if you do could you write headcannons about him, like the mandrake ones. Thank you!!

Awww thank you for liking my work!! 😊😊 I found the lack of content for Epic saddening and had to do something about that lol

I can definitely write some hcs for Nod, I’ve had a few asks about him that I havent gotten to writing yet because he’s not someone I write much for but this is a good way to start!

Nod General and Romantic Headcanons

General

I feel like the movie didn’t emphasize this enough but Nod isn’t just a good flyer, he is one of, if not the, best.

I imagine he’s been on the back of a bird ever since he was little. Flying with his dad or with “Uncle” Ronin when they weren’t off fighting boggans, or even riding with other leafmen when his dad wasn’t around.

Nod probably grew up around leafmen his entire life, being in the barracks or following his dad around while he was on a shift. The other leafmen and women took to him like he was family and he was always seen with another soldier if he wasn’t with his mom or dad.

Probably was friends with other soldier’s kids and they got into all kinds of mischief, mostly bugging the older soldiers.

The day his dad and Ronin left for a seemingly routine recon mission, his dad left with a kiss to his mom and a ruffle to his hair. There was a tension in the air, unspoken acknowledgment between the adults that this time was different than before, but Nod didn’t bring up that he could see that.

When Ronin came back alone, with nothing but his father’s helmet and many bruises and cuts, Nod didn’t shed a tear.

He took the helmet as Ronin explained that his dad wasn’t coming back this time and stared at it in understanding, his face falling.

Nod didn’t even need Ronin to tell him that his father was gone when he came up to the door.

Nod was little when it happened so Ronin had taken charge of him early, but that didn’t make him any less rambunctious.

For a while, Nod was quiet, that was until he grew old enough to be unsupervised and all bets were off. It got especially bad right before Ronin started training him as a leafman. His behavior was actually the reason why Ronin enlisted him, because he was getting into trouble.

Loves animals. Wants all the pets, give him five minutes and he would’ve had Ozzie on his back kicking his leg.

Finn is sort of like his older brother and when they are both off duty, Finn takes time in annoying Nod, usually by messing with his hair or playfully shoving him.

Romantic

Goofy freaking tease. If he’s even half an inch (or whatever the heck tiny people use to measure height) taller than you, he’s calling you short forever now.

Is constantly holding things out of your reach or blocking your way, if you have to do something or need something, by principle he feels like he has to prevent you doing or getting whatever you need.

Cheesy dorky pick up lines. He has an entire index of them, sometimes he will go alphabetical. Finn has a list of his most used ones.

He will be taking you on flights all day every day. Hope you aren’t afraid of heights.

In all honesty though, he would be so excited to share his love of flying with you. He’s good with birds and would love for you to like flying as much as he does. If you don’t, thats ok, but he will give you puppy-dog eyes when you tell him you don’t want to fly today.

Tries to impress you all the time with his swordsmanship and status as a leafman, apparently he heard that people “like a guy in uniform” so he’s laying that on thick.

Even though it is when he isn’t trying at all that he impresses you the most, you won’t ever tell him that. He’s too cute when he’s talking about how to train a bird or fit a saddle and you could listen to him for hours.

That isn’t to say you aren’t impressed by him as a leafman. His agility is crazy and seeing him train or fight is a feat in itself. Just make sure you stay safe and he’ll let you watch him work all day.

Ronin teases the two of you. So does Finn. Nuff said. Finn likes to embarrass Nod in front of you.

“Oh have I told you about the time when Nod got scared by a caterpillar?” “FINN!”

Ronin encourages this, he’s the one that started it after all.

#nod #ronin #finn #epic 2013 #epic 2013 headcanons #epic 2013 x reader

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ecivons · 2 years ago

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Kiruko’s Gender Identity

Short rambles and hcs about Kiruko and their gender

Spoilers up until where the anime ends (Ibaraki Facility)

Everything below is my personal interpretation and not necessarily what the author is intending *thumbs up*

I find it interesting that no matter what lense you try to view it through, Kiruko is trans.

And before I go on, I’m gonna warn u in advance that I’ll be using he/she/they interchangeably for Kiruko/Haruki because it seems like Kiruko themself doesn’t seem to care about what gender they are referred to as or outwardly seen as

For one Kiruko’s gender experience aligns w the experience of a trans man. Kiruko is a male (Haruki) stuck in a female’s (Kiriko’s) body. This interpretation is the most obvious bc Kiruko says it themself multiple times. The only reason why people might deny they’re trans is because Haruki actually gets to experience living a cis life as a boy.

And ig this is what makes it easy for ppl to accept the fact that Kiruko’s (Haruki’s) gender identity isn’t aligned with their body’s sex.

((Funniest thing about this is that I’ve seen homo/transphobic anime bros praising the brotherly bond between Kiruko and Maru whenever they have moments together that could be seen as romantic.))

My personal interpretation is that Haruki is actually a trans girl. It might be confusing to get, especially bc Kiruko tells Maru over and over again that she is a man on the inside. But to me, this seems more like something she says just because she acknowledges her original cis life and she doesn’t want to be the object of or doesn’t see herself as deserving of Maru’s affection

I interpret Kiruko as transfem because Haruki’s love and obsession with his sister could be seen as a form of gender envy, and I kinda see the feeling Haruki gets after inheriting Kiriko’s body as like,, gender euphoria even if he doesn’t realize it. ..umm ignoring the obvious implied romantic feelings Haruki has towards his sister lmfao.

It’s not an uncommon experience for trans people to want to become a person they love/admire/respect (who happens to be the opposite gender) and eventually realize that they are trans because of it.

Haruki tells Maru that he’s gotten more confused than ever about his identity. But the ending of this arc reads to me as Kiruko realizing and coming to terms with the fact that they want to let go of their past as Haruki— their old body and life, and enjoy living as they are now.. as Kiruko whether it be a girl, both or nothing at all.

#von insane ramble moment #this is just my thoughtless word vomit that I wanted to free #if anything I said seems out of touch u can lmk lol #uh yeah #ANYWAY #heavenly delusion #tengoku daimakyou #kiruko #haruki takehaya

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2manythoughtz · 1 year ago

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Damon Vs Stefan, But They’re Both Toxic

One of the most popular debates on the internet ever since the first season aired is: which Salvatore brother is the best love interest? But is it really up for discussion?

(before reading, this is only my opinion based on my knowledge of the series, I'm not trying to hate on the characters or the series)

Most movies and series have their fanbases discussing many topics which can lead to real divisions among fans. The hottest topic you can ever discuss with another fan is probably what’s the best ship (romantic couple) or love interest.

The biggest example is probably the Twilight Saga which has people still arguing whether the best love interest is Edward or Jacob.

Speaking of supernatural romance, The Vampire Diaries is still to this day one of the most popular TV series, with eight seasons and two spin-offs, it quickly became revolutionary.

Seeing how people still talk about it, I wanted to compare the Salvatore brothers and explain why they’re both terrible choices. To do so, I will focus on both of them singularly so that, even if you haven’t seen the series or you don’t remember it that well, you can understand my point of view.

Stefan

I’ve seen so many people arguing that Stefan is the best love interest because he’s “the good one” and his love for the protagonist, Elena Gilbert, is so pure.

While I can see why one would think that he’s not as “evil” as his brother, I wouldn’t say that he is good. In fact, I think he’s just as bad as Damon on so many levels.

But let’s take it from the start. We meet Stefan immediately in the first episode, he’s portrayed as this mysterious, good-looking and emotionally unavailable guy who was extremely acclaimed in every 00s movie. He’s enrolling in the same High School as Elena, and we can see right there that he’s not like any other boy in that school.

In fact, he’s a vampire and he’s decided to study there just to meet Elena. Why, you would ask. Well, because Elena looks exactly like Stefan’s old lover Katherine. Funnily enough, a few seasons later we find out that Stefan never truly loved Katherine, they had their share of fun and he cared for her, but once he realized what she had done to him, he immediately resented her.

Elena and Stefan fall in love and they help each other whenever something goes wrong, which happens very frequently. Because of that, they get separated and their love slowly fades away as they break up after a year together.

Elena gets with Damon, but we’ll talk about that later, and Stefan has some up and downs before falling in love with Caroline. Their relationship is peculiar in a way, at first they both push each other away, then get together, then push each other away again and then get back together again.

Spoiler alert: Stefan dies in the end as he decides that he wants to sacrifice himself to help Elena and Damon live a happy life together as they wanted.

So, as you can see, he seems like a very gentle and honorable guy, but there’s more to be said about him.

Stefan is a ripper, he can’t control himself around blood and ends up losing his humanity as he slaughters and eats every human along his path. He’s known for killing entire villages, spreading chaos and fear. Sure, one might excuse him because later on it’s revealed that he got that gene from his mother.

But let’s put it this way. For Stefan blood is like alcohol for an alcoholic, they may not know what they’re doing when they’re drunk but that still doesn’t excuse their actions, the same goes for our vampire.

Stefan is a hot mess as a vampire, he’s a ticking bomb and only has two regimes: he either feeds on animals, which results in him being way too weak, or he drinks blood and goes crazy.

Not to mention, the young Salvatore isn’t exactly an angel. He’s done many wrongdoings throughout the series but they’ve all been forgiven just because he’s Stefan and everyone likes him, only in the last season he finally realises everything that he has done once he becomes human, a big foreshadowing of his death in the end.

He’s still manipulated and killed people because they were getting in his way, but maybe that doesn’t really count as toxic seeing as most characters in TVD do so without any problem.

So let’s talk about his attitude throughout the 8 seasons. Stefan has had a few love interests after Elena broke up with him, that wasn’t necessarily his fault since he had been compelled by Niklaus to turn off his humanity, but even after regaining his humanity, he seems off and distant.

After Elena, Stefan is confused and doesn’t really know what to do. But just as he was about to get over her, his brother gets sucked into another dimension (so much happens in TVD, so I hope you can keep up with me) and he decides to just leave everything behind and get a new life and a new girlfriend.

That doesn’t go too well since the girl dies soon after, he was never really into her and never opened up about anything with her.

So later on he realizes that he’s in love with Caroline, what a surprise, but the two of them cannot be together yet. Once they actually become a thing (it takes a while), Stefan’s first love appears and Caroline is very jealous.

Does that stop Stefan from running away with his first love and having a relationship with her as soon as he’s in danger? Nope, he does leave Caroline without saying anything and spends years with his first lover.

Not to mention, as soon as he gets back in town he gets dumped by the girl and he goes back to Caroline. She accepts but tells him that he can’t run away from her anymore.

He kind of runs away again? He proposes to her but he’s also wanted by the Devil to work for him, so he turns off his humanity and leaves Caroline… again.

See a pattern here?

In the end, as I said, he sacrifices himself for Damon and Elena… right after marrying Caroline.

Now, I’m not saying he’s the worst person in the whole series, but I must admit that his relationships were all very weird and superficial. He never really got in-depth about his feelings with anyone a part maybe from Elena. He always sacrificed himself for Elena, which was cool when they were together, but after breaking up my question is… why? He gave up on his brother when he thought he was dead, but never gave up on his ex-girlfriend?

Let’s see it from Caroline’s point of view. Her boyfriend took his sweet time to realize that he liked her, he left with his first lover, proposed and then immediately un-proposed since he worked for the devil, he had a full debate about whether he should’ve married Caroline and after marrying her he basically kills himself for his ex…

As I said, I don’t think he’s exactly good. I personally think that he’s very toxic in his ways, we just learn to ignore it throughout the series because he’s always painted as the best brother. But to be fair, even if he had stayed with Elena things wouldn’t have gone any better between his blood problems and tendencies to sacrifice himself for anything.

Damon

Let’s talk about the older brother.

It’s fair to say that most people love Damon even if he’s the bad boy, or maybe they like him because of that.

I honestly think that he’s had a big character development in the first 3/4 seasons, but after that, it got really boring and repetitive. At least, unlike Stefan, he learned to value himself and those around him.

Damon is presented to us as this jerk and heartless older brother whose only goal in life is to torment Stefan for everything he’s done to him. That promise gets forgotten very quickly in the series, but that’s a different topic.

I personally cannot stand Damon in the first 2 seasons. He’s so exaggerated in every way, he’s made out to be this big bully who kills without remorse and sleeps with everyone.

He literally kills for no reason if not for fun, but everyone gets over it very easily, if not for a few times when they kind of point out to him that he’s not the best person ever, but what really ticked me off was the way he treated Vicky and Caroline.

Vicky’s death is something spoken about every season with her making an appearance every single time. So many things would’ve changed if she hadn’t died! And Caroline… well, I just felt sorry for all the abuse she had to endure and that everyone ignored once she became a vampire.

Can we also talk about the fact that Damon is like 25 (ignoring the fact that he's been alive/dead for 170-something years) and sleeping with Caroline who’s 17 while having a crush on Elena while she’s also 17? Yikes.

He’s very determined to find Katherine, his only true love who is later revealed to be a traitor and a liar. Everything Damon has done to get her back means nothing and the worst part is that Katherine has always been in love with Stefan and Stefan only.

Once his love dream gets destroyed, he focuses on Elena full-time. He seems to be dependable on his love interest, meaning that he lives his life based on that only.

And his personality doesn’t really change when he turns off his emotions so there’s not much to compare him to, if anything it just makes it worse because it means that he’s always so bloodthirsty and perverse in a sense.

He doesn’t really have any relationships other than Elena and Katherine, he does hook up with many people throughout the series but it’s nothing more than sex most of the time, except for a few women he befriended.

The only good development he had was about caring for his friends other than his girlfriend. But that doesn’t cancel the fact that he was willing to kill and actually killed Elena and Stefan’s friends for nothing. But yeah, there isn’t much to say about Damon since his main problem is killing people here and there and his obsession with his love interest.

But even that doesn’t stop him from sleeping with other people while being deeply in love with Elena or Katherine, although this is a bigger problem in movies and series, cheating is so normalized that people don’t even think about it anymore. While one could discuss that he didn’t really cheat since Katherine was allegedly blocked under a church and Elena was asleep and couldn’t wake up. But is it really a good excuse? I mean, if his love for her was so deep that he wanted to become human and spend the rest of his life with her, shouldn’t he only want to sleep with her?

As per toxicity, in his relationships, he’s pretty stubborn and easily irascible. He’s Stefan’s opposite, so while he’s understanding and open to confrontation, Damon tends to think that his opinion is always correct and there is no other way until proven wrong, and even there he won’t admit that his idea wasn’t the best. I think it’s safe to say that he has some anger issues, every time he has an argument with someone or feels threatened he goes rogue and unleashes his anger on people.

He’s not the nicest but as I said, that doesn’t mean much. He might not be as nice as Stefan but that doesn’t make him worse, to be honest.

So in conclusion I don’t think that there’s a better choice, both brothers helped and ruined Elena's life in many ways. Both of them had this superhero complex and wanted to sacrifice themselves all the time, they could’ve just come up with another idea or something half of the time but they didn’t. And every time Elena got in trouble it was mostly because of them, because someone wanted to get revenge on what they did in the past or simply to hurt them and she was the perfect way to do so. I’m also pretty confused by the fact that they fell in love with Elena just because she looked like Katherine at first, Damon’s infatuation is plausible since he was head over heels for that woman, but Stefan? He never really loved her, so why approach Elena in the first place?

Like most stories with supernatural characters, vampires are not the healthiest partners. Stefan or Damon? That’s not an easy decision, but not because they’re both amazing people, although they did care for Elena till the end. They’re both toxic and difficult to deal with but maybe that’s exactly what made them so memorable and acclaimed by fans. No matter how cold and scary they could seem, they had a sweet side of them with the people they really cared about.

Which brother do you prefer? Let me know!

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jjsstars · 2 years ago

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feel safe — posted on my ao3 | 1.7k word count

|| tags : pre slash theo/scott, theo has a bad past, melissa mccall & theo raeken, theo is part of the pack, angst

Theo’s hands shake by his sides as he stands outside the McCall household, having already knocked once on the door, only once. If nobody comes then he’ll climb back into his car and drive to the woods and park somewhere random to sleep, he doesn’t want to push anyone to let him stay with them. He still doesn’t feel right about calling himself part of the pack, they’ve all assured him, even Stiles, that he is now. That he has earned his spot and has changed for the better.

The door creaks when it opens to Melissa standing at the threshold, she’s in pajama pants and a loose long sleeve, Theo suddenly gets scared he woke her. It’s only seven o’clock but maybe she had a long shift at the hospital and turned in early, he’d feel awful if her sleep got interrupted by him.

“Theo? Scott isn’t in right now, is everything alright?” She’s really asking if anything supernatural happened, it hasn’t. The town has been quiet and fairly normal since everything that happened ended.

“Everything’s okay, I was just..” His heart rate spike, he feels dumb for asking this, for wanting more from Scott and his family when he’s already taken so much.

“Do you think I could sleep on your couch tonight? Or- or the floor, I’m not picky, and- and it’s okay if you say no. I can sleep in my car, I’ll be fine, I don’t want to pressure you or anything-.” He stops when Melissa’s face falls to something Theo’s only ever seen her direct at Scott or Stiles, it’s motherly.

A concerned crinkle in her brow as her lips press together into a thin tight line and her eyes turn softer, bigger, worried. Theo doesn’t know what to do with this look being directed at him, his own mother, his real one, never showed this much emotion on her face. It was always stone cold stares and disgusted tsks at Theo and Taras actions, the women never had patience for children, neither did his father. Theo squirms under the gaze of Melissa before she’s pulling him inside by his shoulder.

“I was just watching a movie if you want to join me, or you can wait for Scott in his room.” He nods along silently as he toes his boots off at the door, his parents weren’t good at the whole maternal thing, but they taught him house manners.

“What are you watching?” There’s a blanket thrown atop Melissa’s lap and a cup of tea with steam still spilling off the top on the coffee table. Theo’s careful not to bump into the table as he sits himself beside Melissa, not too close, but enough that his nose can pick up on the fresh lavender lotion she has on. She must’ve just sat down when he showed up.

“The princess and the frog.” She says and leans to retrieve the remote and a book from the table, her book has a card sticking out of the top, she’s halfway through it. The cover is a navy blue with gold letters, it’s cursive and Theo can’t quite catch it from this angle, but the book looks old and worn so it must be good. He assumes it’s something romantic, he remembers Scott mentioning his mom reading a lot of “cheesy” romance novels.

“I’ve never seen it.” It’s animated which isn’t what he was expecting but it’s a pleasant surprise. Animated usually means it won’t be something scary, that’s what Lydia told him at the last pack movie night, they watched some superhero movie that Malia and Stiles wanted to see, Theo doesn’t remember most of it since he fell asleep halfway through. He just knows he prefers the non-scary movies, he’s seen enough horror and gore in his life, he’d rather watch something with a happy ending.

“Really? It’s a childhood classic.” He isn’t sure how to tell Melissa that he hasn’t seen most ‘childhood classics’ and that it doesn’t stop at just movies. He hasn’t read the books the others talk about, hasn’t seen the shows and movies, never had the toys and accessories they mention. His house was never made to fit children, that’s how he sees it at least. His mother and father always had guests coming over and didn’t have time to clean up toys that Tara and Theo left lying about, and they didn’t have time to change the channel from a kids show to something adult. Theo and Tara were left to their own devices and told to stay away from the guests, to not embarrass their parents. Theo remembers spending a lot of time drawing and listening to Tara make up story’s from thin air.

“I haven’t seen a lot of movies.” Theo’s missed out on a lot of pop culture, more than he’d like to admit, but he’s trying to catch up and cue into things that the other teens talk about. Lydia said they’d watch Ariel, a movie she was obsessed with as a child and Theo hasn’t seen, so that way he could understand the songs she sings under her breath when she works with her hands. The pack have been kind about Theo’s lack of knowledge in certain things, the same way they’re kind about things Malia misses, he appreciates it more than they’ll probably ever know.

“Scott mentioned something like that. I think you’ll like this one, everyone does.” He nods along and looks at the Tv, Melissa has her book open and he doesn’t want to seem rude by staring at her as she reads.

“What’s it about?” The characters and art style are upbeat in a way, a simple color palette, it’s easy to tell this is a kids movie.

“A princess and a frog.” A small laugh comes from both of them. Theo likes how easy it is to talk to Melissa, to smile with her, it reminds him of when he talks to Scott. He never realized how much Scott’s like his mother but now that he’s sitting beside her it seems obvious.

They both have a warmth to them. It bleeds into their house, Theo always feels comforted and mellow in the McCall home, there’s never any worry about having to perform or keep up a reputation when he’s here. It even smells like home, a soft and sweet smell, none of the sour and harsh smell from his parents house. It doesn’t reek of strong chemical cleaners or three sprays too much of an expensive perfume, instead he’s hit with the scent of Scott and Melissa. It’s natural, gentle, no lingering tension or blood rapidly cleaned off the walls. He sinks into the feeling their house provides, the safety and security that he can put his guard down.

He isn’t sure how much times passes but he’s shaken awake by somebody’s hand on his shoulder. His head is leaned against Melissas shoulder, her sleep shirt is velvety on his cheek, he can hear every even breath she takes and hear how she murmurs something to whoever is standing in front of them. Theo doesn’t want to move, he likes being close to someone like this, it’s tranquil, something he doesn’t get to feel often. He wants to savor it.

“C’mon Theo I’ll take you upstairs, you can sleep in my bed.” Scott, his brain recognizes. His arms outstretch to Scott without a second thought, he thinks he’d die if anyone else saw this, but Scott only laughs, he sounds just like Melissa.

Arms wrap around Theo quickly, one hooking under his knees and the other around his back, Scott hefts him up with ease. It’s no surprise with his werewolf strength, Theo thinks Scott would try to carry him even without it. That’s just the kind of person he is, the kind of person Theo wishes he could be. He admires how Scott always tries to help his pack, even back when Theo was under the influence of the dread doctors, he still saw through the haze of their control and had respect for Scott. For how he acted, talked, he always had so much regard for people's emotions and wanted to find the correct way to solve a situation, not just a way, but the one that took into consideration everyone’s feelings and how they’d be impacted by it.

“Scott?” He asks once they reach Scott’s bed, he can feel how Scott stops at the bed frame hitting his shins.

“Yeah Theo?” All the attentiveness in the world shows in McCalls words, two simple words and Theo feels his chest go tight. How can someone care for him like this? After everything, he doesn’t deserve to be cared about, yet Scott does.

“Thank you.” Theo could spend a decade telling Scott thank you for everything he’s ever done and it wouldn’t feel enough. There’s nothing that could fully portray how much Scott means to Theo, how much value Scott’s come to hold.

“I’ll carry you to bed any day Theo.” It’s spoken like a secret, a whisper tone, so delicate Theo can’t help but cling his arms harder around Scott. His face tucks into Scotts neck, breathing him in, reminding himself that this isn’t some big dream and that it’s real.

“You make me feel safe, your house and your mom and just, you. I’m not afraid when I’m here.” He uses the same whisper that Scott did in hopes that Scott will take in every word. Theo can’t believe he’s being so vulnerable, so fragile, he thinks Scott understands.

“I’ll always be here to protect you.” Scott moves to lay them both down on the bed with Theo still held in his arms, like breaking the position would just be too painful. Theo appreciates it, and how Scott starts to scratch his hand up and down Theo’s back, it’s absentminded and Theo can tell Scott doesn’t realize he’s doing it. He just is, always giving that extra level of care.

“I know.” It’s the truth. He does. He always has, even when things were messy and Theo was the one in the wrong, Scott still would’ve protected him if he needed it, it’s not a question for Scott. He’ll always protect people who need it, Theo loves him for it.

#teen wolf #theo raeken #scott mccall #melissa mccall #pre slash #sceo #theo x scott #theo raeken x scott mccall #melissa mccall & theo raeken #<< I will fill that goddamn tag #jj writes #jj moodboards

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twistedtummies2 · 1 year ago

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Year of the Bat - Number 22

Welcome to Year of the Bat! In honor of Kevin Conroy, Arleen Sorkin, and Richard Moll, I’m counting down my Top 31 Favorite Episodes of “Batman: The Animated Series” throughout this January. TODAY’S EPISODE QUOTE: “All I wanted from you, dearie, was a little friendship! That would have cost you nothing!” Number 22 is…Birds of a Feather.

Much like Catwoman, the Penguin was a villain who was slightly shortchanged in the Animated Series, some would argue. Which is ironic because, in my opinion, the Animated Series gave us probably the best and most definitive take on the character there’s ever been. Why? Well, as I’ve said in the past, it’s because I feel the Penguin in this show sort of had a little something for everyone: in the first three seasons, he was depicted with a design inspired by the Danny DeVito version from “Batman: Returns,” due to a studio mandate by Warner Bros. His personality and methodology, however, was what you might call “Classic Penguin,” with him acting as an eccentric (but not deranged) gentleman thief. In the fourth season, things changed: now the Penguin had a more “Classic” design, making him appear more human and less grotesque, but his role as a gangster operating out of the Iceberg Lounge was more in line with the “Modern Penguin” most people are more familiar with today. So, no matter how you preferred your Pengy – more classic, more modern, more human, more monstrous – you kind of had your whole cake and could eat it, too. Despite this, most of Penguin’s appearances essentially just used him as the villain of the week, so to speak. He was never really the focal character, just a supporting rogue, or the chosen antagonist. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it did make him feel a little less interesting when compared to a lot of other villains in the series. One grand and glorious exception to this rule, however, has stood out over time: a somewhat more obscure episode entitled “Birds of a Feather.”

The plot is a classic “Villain Reform Episode,” as the Penguin vows to go straight…and actually means it! He genuinely wants to turn over a new leaf and start a new life. Unfortunately, he finds this to be more difficult than he expected…and his endeavors are only made more problematic by the introduction of a young lady named Veronica Vreeland. Veronica is a good friend of Bruce Wayne’s, and became a recurring character in the series; she’s a rich and somewhat spoiled socialite, whose privileged existence does lead to conflict…but her heart is usually in the right place, all the same. (Think of her as SORT OF like Charlotte from “Princess and the Frog,” from you Disney fans…just…way less hyperactive.) In this episode, Veronica – under some peer pressure from other wealthy friends of hers – begins to form a bond with Penguin, under the pretense of eventually inviting him to a big party she’s hosting.

Veronica is not doing this out of the goodness of her heart. The intention is that Oswald will be “part of the entertainment,” able to embarrass everybody that Veronica doesn’t like, and amuse everyone else. He’s essentially being treated as a clown, and he doesn’t even know it. All the while, Penguin starts to form romantic feelings for the young woman…and Veronica’s conscience starts to get the better of her, as she starts to form an affectionate attachment towards Penguin, as well. Of course, this being Gotham City, this can only lead to anything EXCEPT a happy ending. What’s great about the episode is the duality of its twin leads, and the way they get along. Penguin puts on the airs of an overblown aristocrat, but he’s not treated as a member of the social elite at all. He lives in squalor and is seen as a laughingstock at best, and a menace to society at worst. You truly feel bad for Penguin, because of the way he’s being treated, and because he is so totally sincere in both his desire to change and his hopes to befriend Veronica, or even gain her love. As for Veronica, while what she’s doing is horrible, not only does she see the error of her ways, but you’re given the impression that she’s really doing this to try and be “hip with the cool kids,” more than any innate malicious desire on her own part. Both are flawed people, but both are also not totally wicked in this story; the problem is simply that their desires clash, and by the time either could pull out and save face, it’s far too late. While Penguin was a great villain and had many fine antagonistic roles, it’s this episode that really cemented what a good character he truly was, and it remains something of a cult classic story for the series. It’s not as renowned as tales like “Heart of Ice” or “Mad Love,” but it’s definitely got a lot of fans, and I am certainly among them. Again, this is another episode where I feel bad for placing it so low, but hopefully the ones to come will not disappoint.

Tomorrow we move on to Number 21! Hint: “I’m a civic-minded citizen, with a lot of time on his hands!”

#list #countdown #best #favorites #new year's special #year of the bat #top 31 btas episodes #btas #batman: the animated series #dcau #dc #batman #animation #tv #number 22 #birds of a feather #penguin #oswald cobblepot #veronica vreeland

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anotherwonderfullife2 · 2 years ago

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Revisiting AnWL’s Original Bachelors

Before I state my own opinion on the bachelors, I’d like to address this:

So with everything else in AWL, the game’s original three bachelors (Rock, Gustafa, and Matthew) have received a facelift and slightly updated dialogue/cutscenes. I’ve seen a lot of back and forth online on whether people liked the big changes made to Matthew and Gustafa’s appearance (Rock’s appearance changed very little from 2004 to now) and I, for one, welcome our new(old?) bishie overlords. To really put this topic in perspective, I think we gotta keep in mind that when Another Wonderful Life came out, it was more-or-less 98% the same as A Wonderful Life, just with a re-skinned female PC and male marriage candidates. I have the strong suspicion that Gustafa, Rock, and Matthew (Marlin in the OG) were never originally designed or written with the intention that they would become the hottest bachelors in a female-led game. A lot of this can be seen just by comparing them to their female counterparts - all of the bachelorettes (aside from Nami) have a traditionally cute appearance and warm personality. The bachelors don’t follow this pattern as rigidly. Matthew is stand-offish, if not outright rude; Gustafa isn’t handsome; and Rock is.... well, flakey?

This isn’t to say the bachelors didn’t have their own charm at all. Rock shows his inner heart of gold on occasion, and is always honest. Matthew is a hardworking man just trying to contribute to his sister’s farm, and dealing with his own baggage. Gustafa is light-hearted and easy to please.

I think their facelifts in the most recent game just signals Marvelous’s commitment to appeal to more players within their target age range. Gustafa and Matthew look younger and bishie. Rock’s dialogue has him slightly more sympathetic. I don’t think these changes could be considered bad at all - just a sign of different times, with Marvelous understanding their players better.

Anyways, on to my opinions on the latest version of each of the three original bachelors: (I’ll give Gordy, the new bachelor, his own post later!)

Matthew is the first I wanted to talk about, because on the outside, he’s definitely changed the most. Gone is the bad-boy 90s delinquent hairstyle and demeanor that seemed more fit for a shonen manga than a farming sim - now he’s an office-worker bishie, but still struggling to make his own way in a new village, just like in 2004. Unfortunately, his updated looks don’t save him from his crappy attitude. One of his first rival cutscenes is him yelling at you for simply trying to carry on a conversation with Cecilia. You only get, like, two sentences in before he jumps down your throat. Ugh. That on it’s own way enough to discourage me from continuing to pursue him as a love interest. It’s just obnoxious and possessive. Would you believe this guy is 32 and still acting this way? In traditional fashion, other NPCs don’t call him out on his behavior, even Vesta, who knows how ‘he can be about Cecilia’ - and you’re just supposed to put up with it. I’m not sure if further cutscenes eventually remedy any of this, but his behavior is off-putting enough that I didn’t care about finding out.

Gustafa remains as chill and groovy as ever. He’s looking a little more John Lennon than elf/leprechaun these days, but the overall aesthetic is the same. They took his original shrugging animation away and replace it with the same generic arm-wave as everyone else, but not everything can be a victory. He has some expanded dialogue that freshens his character up a bit, and the love song he sings during the romantic cutscenes makes more sense in this translation than the first game. Gustafa was always my favorite in the first, and he continues to be so in this remake - always gentle and kind, and a good spouse and father. If only he could play more than one melody on his guitar. I just hope he bathes more often this time around.

Ah, Rock, the would-be playboy of Forgotten Valley. Still getting up at noon exactly. Still getting chased by the dog. His dialogue has been reworked to make him a little more humorous this time around, instead of mildly-annoying like before. The translators did a good job with him, and I was always interested in what he had to say, even if it was useless. Unlike Matthew and Gustafa, his design was almost entirely unchanged - his pants are slimmer and that’s it. His voice has also mysteriously deepened... though I wouldn’t put it past him to use a voice changer to try to entice the ladies. Just like Gustafa, his unique animation of gesturing with both hands was also removed for the generic arm-wave. He’s genuinely fun to talk to, just to hear what he has to say. His slacker attitude is off-putting as far as romance goes, though, even if none of the marriage candidates actually work on the farm. It’s about the attitude, people!

#sos a wonderful life #sos awl #another wonderful life #a wonderful life #story of seasons #rock #gustafa #matthew

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parkminijiminie · 1 year ago

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Thanks for being one of the only sane people I’ve seen discuss the leaked video. First of all it’s obviously him. No convoluted theory will convince me it’s not. Everything matches too well, and edited fake videos?? AI?? These people have clearly no idea what they’re taking about. I work in 3d animation, and it irks me when people say that videos can easily be doctored or created. No tf they cannot be 🤣 that is professional level work that requires hundreds of hours to create something so realistic! Anyway whenever videos like this come out, it’s always real. I don’t know of a single instance when a leaked video was actually fake. So anyway - video is real - but this is my take. As a long time Jikooker, I was of course pretty stunned/shocked/heartbroken but after a good night’s sleep this is what I think: that isn’t Jungkook’s girlfriend. Watch the video. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something look more unromantic. We already know that JK is a very tactile person. He hugs his friends and is comfortable with physical affection, maybe because he grew up around 6 guys who never made him feel like men cannot be platonically affectionate. In the video he isn’t digging his face into her hair, kissing her cheek, nothing like that. He’s literally grabbing her and being cutely annoying. It looks like she’s getting her stuff to leave and he doesn’t want her to go - but in a platonic way. And she looks annoyed at him too - she pushes his hands off in the video. People who say that there is a romantic connection between him and the woman means you think Jungkook is the kind of guy to force his partner into having sex with him, and do you really think he’s like that? (Again, we don’t know him, but seriously…) Anyway my conclusion is he’s grabbing her like that because they’re not anything more than friends - possibly a relative, a cousin, or something, because if they were a couple and Jungkook was acting that way, that means he’s a MAJOR asshole. And I refuse to believe that that’s the case.

Either way, I’m just curious to see Jimin’s reaction, and also to see what will happen on his birthday. I have a feeling we’ll get clarity on this situation pretty soon.

Hi 👋

I definitely agree that this video is most likely not edited or AI, and it's a real one of two people in an apartment. Despite all that I've read so far in terms of the windows of the building, the layot of the flat, and whatnot, I still think this could be JK. Of course, it is possible that it's someone else with a dog in a similar unit (maybe even the same building) , but wouldn't it be too much coincidences?

As for the natura of the video, yeah, the behavior in it isn't inherently romantic at all. The guy is hugging the girl, following her around. Maybe, as you said, he is trying to stop her flow leaving. It is also possible that she is trying to do something, and he is just clinging to her/annoying her. I don't think whoever or whatever they're doing it is fair to interpret that the guy is trying to force her physically (in general or to have sex), as you suggest. To me, it looks like they're sort of playfighting. Maybe he's tickling her or trying to touch her stomach. Technically, it could be the man trying to feel her up a bit, but it sort of doesn't look like that to me.

Whatever it is, it doesn't look like it is with harmful intention on the side of the guy, and it is obviously done between people who are physically comfortable around each other. They could be just friends or fbs. Guys tend to annoy their girlfriends like this sometimes, so that's possible. We know JK is a very tactile person, especially when he is drunk, which the guy here could be, but I don't know if he will be this touchy with a relative. It's possible, but I could not tell.

Overall, the video could be interpreted in many different ways. It's really up to the person watching it, but nothing is impossible at this point.

I do believe more clarity is on the way. Either there will be new videos leaked or a statement of some sort, even indirect. There's also JM's bday, so let's wait, observe, and see. Personally, I believe that if by any chance JK and JM are together, they will do something to dispel the doubts, even if subtle.

#jungkook #jimin #jikook #kookmin

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csbnova · 9 months ago

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My Personal Blue Lock Writing Habits and Drabbles

someone asked if i write with a specific mindset for each character but erm…idk what happened to the ask bc my phone hates my guts and wants me to die so im just gonna explain it here. (also an excuse for me to yap abt my pookie bears)

so obviously there are different character types and different personalities duh duh duh but to me i always have to immerse myself in the way they think. I read the bllk manga (haven’t caught up yet get off my case) but i do like to do character analysis based off of what we get in the anime/manga, the official art, and the little facts we get from the author/on bllk wiki.

i guess it wouldn’t be too far fetched to say i do indeed do my research on the guys that i write for and it doesn’t help that i actually enjoy it💀 but to me seeing chars getting mischaracterized CONSTANTLY is one of the most infuriating things EVER especially if it’s a character that i’ve been a die hard fan of. (partially why i decided to start posting my writing) like bachira’s mischaracterization is wild to experience. no, he’s not always yelling or goofing off but it is often. no, he’s not a freak(like at ALL) who constantly talks about his monster in every conversation he has. yes, he IS a sweet little guy who would probably ask to hold your hand in a romantic way even tho he wouldn’t be scared to hold it earlier in your friendship.

idk i just think it’s weird when people write the most insanely off putting personality for characters that they probably have only seen hc’s of or misinfo for.

when i wrote barou’s texts, i had to think rlly hard abt it bc i know he seems like an arrogant guy (which he is ngl) but i think that’s only when it comes to soccer. in both the anime and the manga barou could be seen multiple times having calm conversations about growth and how his abilities affect the way he plays. he’s also got two younger sisters which i personally believe could make anyone become more mature (said with experience). ive done the same with multiple characters, even with smaller details. like, in my rin fic that im writing, there’s a small detail about his favorite drink. i couldn’t just say a random beverage bc i got so upset that i couldn’t come up with a drink for him that i looked up what his favorite would be😭

yk another small thing i did was make the itobros texting styles similar to each other. sae’s includes both capitals and correct punctuation while rin’s doesn’t capitalize anything and just uses accurate punctuation (at least i hope it’s accurate). i did that to portray how similar the brothers are despite their respective differences. i also happened to know that rin would rather die than admit that and that knowledge has to be shared somehow.

idk i just hate seeing my favs being mistyped especially since it’s been happening even more recently (cough gojo fans cough) but im also a stupid nerd(yes ik those contrast each other) who’s very passionate about this so i don’t really care what anyone has to say i genuinely enjoy producing content abt characters that isn’t inaccurate or rage inducing and my one and only hope is that i get it right 🙏

anyways that’s it basically. shout out to anyone who actually read this bc i probably wouldn’t have 🔥

should i start a series? i have the urge to but idk💀

no! i am NOT posting this instead of finishing my writings… 🤥

#blue lock #bllk #bluelock #yapping #yap sesh #writing habits #csbnova

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freddyfazbear1 · 2 years ago

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Greetings, I’m Freddy Fazbear. In this post, I will be introducing myself and how I will treat this blog. I’m quite a simple bear, though I do expect to be treated with respect. Not only am I the name of such a popular corporation, I’m also one of the only sensible people on earth despite being a mechanical machine.

Who are you?

If you don’t know who I am, then you must be out of your mind. Are you really that underground you don’t recognize such an iconic design? I’m Freddy Fazbear and I don’t take kindly to idiocy.

What do you stand for?

Isn’t it obvious? I’m a man, or bear, of pride and strength. I stand for many different things, but I like to believe what shines out the most is my heart. I am passionate and I love passionately, not in a necessarily romantic sense. My heart defines me just as other parts of me do.

My interests, desires, dislikes, hobbies, traits, and values will always be what makes me me. Why should I have to stand for one thing? Do you think all I do is live everyday singing to children I’ll never seen again? That’s quite dull.

What’s your dream?

That one day, I can finally escape this prison that was unwillingly set for me. I think everyone deserves freedom, even if you may have been bad in the past. While there are some exceptions, being locked up and caged to a wall never released an animal of their ferocity. So, why do it to a human? Or even a robot? Or ghost, if you will.

If all humanity ever did was take and take and take, expecting that to improve the wrongs, then humanity in it’s entirety was never going to be better than that one person they’re depriving. If someone took something of value to you, whether it was your freedom or an object of some kind, would you return to them with kindness in your heart? Would you relieve yourself from your box of spite in this time apart from what made you you?

What inspires you?

A rather silly question. Nothing. When all you’ve known in life is stand, stare, perform, you never get a chance to live a life worth living. I can’t find an ounce of control in my own establishment because I am permanently stuck in this husk of a body.

That is part of the reason I’ve made this blog. To help me see more, learn more in the short time I have left.

Anything else?

I don’t appreciate being rushed. But, I stand by any and all of my beliefs and thoughts. I am not going to succumb to anyone because they may be wary of one thing or two that makes me who I am. If you can’t learn to respect, no one will ever respect you. Who says you’d even deserve it, though?

Quick Blog Rules

If you’re going to comment or reblog anything with extra comments, be sensible and logical. Idiocy is a curse that weighs many down from their potential, I don’t want to deal with mental 10 year olds.

Respect me and I will respect you. I suggest you fear me, I am not your typical person and will do anything in my power to enhance that weakness in your mind you may refer to as “strength” despite knowing you’d never even reach the first step of the ladder. If you can’t order a meal in a restaurant on your own, don’t even try arguing with me.

Don’t be anti-animatronic. Do I really need to explain?

Don’t fucking interact with my blog if you’re Phantom fucking Freddy. Goddamn son of a bitch, I’m gonna fucking find a way to suck your damn ass into a vacuum like those bitches from GhostBusters.

You don’t like my interests. Not sure how often I’ll use this blog or what it’ll be for, but if I have something to share, be. Fucking. Civil.

If you’re gonna ask me anything or PM me, don’t be a douche. I may not take idiocy well but disrespect and hatred? A much different deal, but really? Is it any different at all? Why would you waste time trying to bring someone down when you could be productive instead? Are you that pathetic or is it truly just your low intelligence making all the decisions?

Don’t try to state you’re me. It’s pretty obvious you aren’t.

Celebrate any and everything that has to do with me. You may call it narcissism, I call it self-respect. If you aren’t the one constantly cheering for yourself, who will? Learn to take pride in everything you do. Did you just finish making a cheese sandwich? Celebrate your low skills. Did you just watch a kid get beaten down by their bully and do nothing to help? Celebrate your independence.

Don’t expect anything from me. I may be open to almost everything you lot have to throw at me, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be anything predictable. If you want something from me, be patient and maybe before you die, you’ll have the chance to bask in that victory. If not, learn that not everything will go your way.

Don’t talk to me about my personal issues or “bad behaviors.” How I am and what I do is my business, it will never concern you or anyone that isn’t me. When you read the newspapers that dramatically explain how I’ve killed a night guard, will you take that knowledge as truth without confirmation? How can you believe something you weren’t there to witness? How can you truly live life if all you do is assume and believe? I may have killed a few night guards in my lifetime, but that is nothing but a hobby I partake in. So ask yourself, does having an interest make me a bad person?

Extra

I have many thoughts and will share them. If you can’t deal with that, perhaps this isn’t the blog for you. Perhaps even… the world isn’t the place for you. I couldn’t imagine going my life and avoiding others’ opinions because of one little thing. Disliking things is over.

Don’t fuck with me.

If I ever begin to act like a lunatic or simply just stupid, get onto me. Either it’s not me (Foxy fucking taking my computer) or I have finally reached a breaking point I cannot escape without proper support.

Don’t come into my blog if you’re a weirdo. I don’t use the term weirdo lightly or any of the words that fall into how I’m using it. Though I’d prefer any form of discourse off my blog, this is not what that is. These are real world issues and I would like for any of you fucking insane maniacs off my one source of comfort. That being said, pedophiles, zoophiles, racists, lgbtphobes, anti-religion, irl shippers, anti-self diagnosis, and more that fall into this category, STAY THE FUCK OFF MY PAGE.

That’s all for now. Don’t be afraid to interact, do be afraid of how I respond.

#introduction #intro #who i am #who am i #meet me page #freddy fazbear #five night’s at freddy’s #fnaf #freddy fnaf #freddy fazbear fnaf #yes i am the real freddy #dont act surprised #thanks to foxy for getting me on this site #read everything if you wish to be apart of my life #this introduction isnt for show or aesthetic

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darktr1ad · 2 years ago

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NSFW Alphabet* || Austin Sommers

I’ve never seen an Austin Sommers nsfw alphabet and he’s severely underrated, so here we go lol. Also this is directed towards a male partner since Austin is gay.

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex)

After sex Austin would probably be filled with ideas for writing a lot of the time, and would rush to write down whatever is on his mind. He strikes me as the type of guy to joke a lot after sex as well, so he’d probably say something like “that was the best sex I’ve had in years!” And ruin the romantic mood, but it’s okay because you love him.

B = Body part (their favorite body part of their partner’s)

He loves your neck. Maybe it’s because he’s a vampire, but you always catch him staring at your neck, even in a non-sexual way. Whenever you guys have sex, you’re left with hickeys on your neck afterwards. Sometimes you even let him bite your neck with his sharp teeth if you’re both feeling freaky that night.

C = Cum (where they like to cum)

Though Austin hates admitting it, he likes to cum in his pants. He’s a kinky guy and finds it humiliating, so when you take charge you keep this in mind. But if he’s the one topping that night, he likes to cum in your mouth. Sometimes when he’s working you suck him off in a teasing way, because if Austin works for days on end you’re both going to be sexually frustrated. He always makes you swallow it.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs)

He writes about your sexual experiences sometimes in detail when it’s something he really wants to remember. He’s always been super open with you about his kinks, and vice versa, but Austin likes to look back on your experiences together when he has a night alone and jerk off to them.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?)

Austin has a lot of experience, more than he wants to admit. After he got on the pill he found himself to be way hornier than normal. Living in a town where most of the population is gay, it wasn’t ever too hard for him to find a fuckbuddy for the night. He knows exactly what he’s into, and also what he isn’t into.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying)

Austin loves doggy style. As cliche as it is, and out of all the other positions he’s tried, it’s always been the one that turns him on the most.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.)

It can go both ways. Sometimes on a night where the two of you have been drinking a lot, both of you will be laughing and cracking jokes during sex, but on other nights you’ll fuck each other like rabid animals.

H = Hair (do they like hair pulling?)

Austin isn’t opposed to hair pulling, but he’s never been a huge fan of his hair being touched. If you ever suck him off though and you go teasingly slow, he won’t hesitate to grab a handful of your hair and make you go faster.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect)

Surprisingly, Austin is a very intimate guy. He always likes to set the mood before hand, maybe lighting a few candles, or some inscence. A lot of times you guys will just do it in the dark, though. Drinking alcohol also makes him horny, so he’ll usually pour you both a glass of wine beforehand.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon)

Like I said earlier, he keeps stories of the things you both do together, so if he ever jerks off, it’s always to those. He’s never been a fan of watching porn. You’re usually home though, so if he’s ever horny he just fucks you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks)

Austin is probably the kinkiest guy you’ll ever meet. Some of his biggest kinks though are whipping, blood, overstimulation, and threesomes. He’s always open to trying things.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do)

Anywhere in your house. There probably isn’t one spot that you guys haven’t fucked in there. It makes it hard to have guests over because nowhere is safe, honestly. But his favorites would have to be on the couch, or on the floor.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going)

Wine and teasing. If you give this man a glass of wine and palm him through his pants when he’s trying to work, it will probably turn into a long fucking session. There isn’t a moment where he isn’t horny, but wine just accelerates the feeling for him.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs)

Austin is literally open to almost anything. The only thing he refuses to try again though is guns. They’ve always made him anxious, and he doesn’t understand gunplay or how it turns anyone on.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.)

He loves when you suck him off. Austin hasn’t ever been the biggest fan of doing it to you, but he never asks you for it, you always just do it to him spontaneously which drives him nuts.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.)

He goes rough. Rough sex is such a turn on for him. For a lot of people rough sex isn’t something that would get them going, but with Austin he knows all the right places to touch you and fuck you in.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.)

Nope. He hates quickies. If you get Austin going, you two will be fucking for hours on end. He likes to see how many times you two can cum in one session.

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.)

Austin has pretty much tried everything already, but if you come to him with an idea, or something he for some reason hasn’t ever heard of, he’d one hundred percent be game.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?)

At the very least, Austin will cum twice in a session. He can go up to about five or six. You’ve never seen anyone cum as much as he does, you don’t even know how it’s possible.

T = Toys (do they use toys?)

Sometimes. He owns a lot of toys, but he likes to use random objects around the house. Like if he’s tying you up, instead of using rope, he’ll use the belt from his robe.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease)

He doesn’t tease you ever, really. Austin likes to get right to the point. However, if the roles are switched, you tease him almost all the time. He hates it, but since he isn’t the one in charge there’s not much he can do about it.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.)

He really isn’t loud during sex, but sometimes he’ll force out a few moans just for show. If you’re ever fucking him, though, he whines a lot which you love.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character)

He always has his sharp teeth out during sex. You find it super attractive, and so does he. If anyone else saw it, they may be super confused as to what is happening.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes)

Austin is definitely seven or eight inches long. He has big dick energy.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?)

His sex drive is pretty high.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards)

If you’re both sucking and fucking during the middle of the night, he may fall asleep afterwards but it’s rare. Normally you always fall asleep right after, but Austin is up most of the time. If he drank a lot beforehand though, he will fall asleep as soon as you guys are done.

#austin sommers #ahs double feature #american horror story #austin sommers smut #alphabet #evan peters #evan peters smut #headcanon

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morallygay · 3 years ago

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🟩⬜️⬛️ Animes for aro/ace people - Part 1 ⬛️⬜️🟪

part 2 here

Including:

-shows in which (a) character(s) has/have shown lack of interest or disinterest in romance and/or sex🔻

-shows that as a whole have little to no romance and/or sex in them or are not romance focused🔹

I encourage anyone to reply/reblog with ideas/suggestions of animes that could qualify (especially aroallo people since you are the least represented and, basically being the opposite myself, I will not necessarily notice it). This is an ever expanding list (in theory. when i remember to come back to it) :)

This is a completely personal list based on what animes made me consciously think “aspec vibes”; it’s not guaranteed that you vibe with my taste, but surely a few people will, and this is for them. Since I’ve seen a lot of animes while aroace, I’m one of the few people who could make this post, so here, finally I made it.

To me canon and the intentions of the author are very important and obviously change completely the context of the ‘representation’. The worst feeling is expecting representation and being disappointed and invalidated, so I will make clear what kind and level of representation it is and if intended (to my understanding/intuition) or not. Let’s start by saying that, in case you were born yesterday, we don’t exist according to media and anime is no exception so expect most of those to not canonically be aromantic or asexual, and that even if the author intended in some cases to make them in practice aro/ace, it is most likely in a way that is oblivious to the actual existence of these orientations (the words are never used for sure), ex. it’s supposed to be a quirk / personality trait and not an actual sexuality. Also I have a taste for seinen so there will be an overrepresentation of that. With that said, let’s go.

"Saiki Kusuo No Psi Nan" / "The Disastrous Life Of Saiki K" (like 50 episodes but you will not see the time pass)🔻

Definitely the n.1 aroace anime. It’s a comedy. The protagonist is an absolute aroace icon. He explicitly expressed multiple times that he doesn't get and is disinterested in romance/sex and those facts are pillars of the show and the comedy. He loves sweets. You can also see him as demi. However the (aro/ace) label is obviously never used since the author is probably unaware of this sexuality's existence. It's the kind of representation that is not intended as representation. He is ‘nonhuman’ aroace rep; the fact that he is a psychic and basically a god is intended as the reason for his lack of interest/attraction.

warning: in season 3 he loses his powers and it is implied that because of that he is now a Normal boy and therefore allo. and he shows attraction for the first and only time in the commercial breaks animations lmao. traumatizing 😔. that didn’t happen in the manga anyway so just bear with it and ignore it.

Otherwise there is a lot of romance in this show and instances of sexual attraction, and it has a lot of other problems. It probably doesn’t pass the bechdel test for like the first and a half season. But it really is funny— hilarious even. It’s also very problematic. Still definitely recommend and it is very empowering to watch as an aroace, but keeping all that in mind.

“Barakamon” (12 episodes)🔻

The protagonist is canonically asexual in the manga apparently. I haven’t read it but in the anime at least he did in fact show disinterest and confusion over sexual attraction. No info romantic orientation-wise. It isn’t perfect (there was a whole thing about a character that is a homophobic fujoshi and other instances of unfunny humor like that) but it’s an cute slice of life I suppose.

“Dr Stone” (35 episodes + 3rd season coming soon)🔻

The protagonist never showed romantic or sexual attraction and explicitly showed disinterest to both at times. He literally got married for practical reasons and divorced hours later. Aroace king. Here too his lack of interest may be intended as a joke to show that he is Logical and too busy with Science to have time for bullshit like “love”, but it’s not like he can’t be both so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. The show itself is about science and is overflowing with love for the world in general! I have some (unrelated to aspecness) problems with it but overall it’s really good + there’s other types of queer rep in the manga apparently but I haven’t read it yet.

“Ore Monogatari” / “My Love Story” (24 episodes)🔻

A very sweet and good romance anime. In this one the side character (on the right) is heavily implied to be on both the aromantic and asexual spectrums, and there was a whole mini-arc about him and that near the end of the anime. Very wholesome.

“Gekkan Shoujo Nozaki-kun” / “Monthly Girls’ Nozaki-kun” (12 episodes + 1 OVA)🔻

A hilarious romantic comedy that I highly recommend in general. The protagonist’s crush is super aroace in the anime and it’s very funny and validating/empowering. It’s supposed to be read as him being oblivious for the sake of comedy, and he still is her love interest so in the manga — which goes much further — he slowly starts to develop feelings too. I see him as demiromantic. There are 2 other characters that have shown confusion / lack of interest about sexual attraction (one only appears in the manga) that I see as alloace. Also everyone (yes the aroace guy included) is bi. Not canonically of course but yeah. Watch it (unless you’re the type that doesn’t do ships, then you can pass on this one).

“Shingeki No Kyojin” / “Attack On Titan” (87 episodes + the last season coming soon)🔹

Romance exists in the show in the way that: it exists in real life so it would be unrealistic to not have it. The show itself is not focused on romance at all, and there is no unnecessary forced romance either. The female characters are not sexualized at all and there are virtually no comment/scene that show sexual attraction, to the point where I wonder if isayama (the author) is not asexual as well. This is a show where it’s hard to find any characters who you can prove are allo; this is how irrelevant both romance and sexual attraction are.

“Beelzebub” (60 episodes)🔻

This one is a mostly episodic comedy. The protagonist has big aroace vibes. He is supposed to be read as oblivious (which he also definitely is, but I see him as both) and too dumb to be horny or something. There is a lot of fanservice (respectful one though (well, as respectful as fanservice can be??)) and his best friend’s entire personality is being a pervert and that’s really annoying. Plus one of the main recurring characters is a ‘predatory gay’ walking joke. Despite my very low tolerance for stuff like that I still personally somehow love this anime and find it very funny in the end. I haven’t read the manga.

“Yagate Kimi Ni Naru” / “Bloom Into You” (13 episodes)🔻

A wlw romance in which the protagonist is aspec, and this is obviously relevant and touched upon. Definitely arospec and most likely acespec too (can’t remember exactly). There is also an aromantic side character that enjoys consuming romance but has zero interest in personally participating in it.

“Banana Fish” (24 episodes)🔹(🔻)

The 2 main characters are mlm love interests, and their relationship isn’t sexual at all. The show itself does deal with the theme of sexual abuse, and it’s a recurring relevant topic so trigger warning for that (but not in a romanticized/fetishized way at all). Their relationship being romantic is technically not canon either but it’s subtext (the kind that if it was straight no one would question it). They’re called “best friends 😊” to the end lol so. yeah. It can be frustrating from a gay rep standpoint but at the same time also right up your alley if you want queerplatonic greyromantic (asexual) stuff.

This one is a bit of a tangent but mlm rep in anime that isn’t sexual is so rare so I wanted to include it since I’m an mlm aspec and this is just like me fr. Also it’s a must watch in general.

“Paripi Koumei” / “Ya Boy Kongming” (12 episodes)🔹

This anime is wild (complimentary). The main theme is music, but this description can’t do it justice. Anyway the show is completely devoid of romance (at least as of now with 1 season. I haven’t read the manga) but full of sweet friendships and heartwarming interactions. The kind of thing to show to someone who says that romance is a necessary part of humanity and that life is less meaningful without it.

“Acca 13” (12 episodes)🔹

A seriously underrated show. This one is on this list because it was very satisfying to watch as an aroace person. There is no focus on romance. There are characters who are attracted to other characters but it’s not relevant or used for frustrating unnecessary drama or anything, it’s actually in a very refreshingly chill, matter-of-fact way, and it never goes farther than that. It’s so unique in this way I can’t really explain it well, but it’s pretty cool.

#and if you wanna know where you can watch/read one you can dm me anytime #aro ace anime #animanga #aroace #aromance #asexuality #anime recs #anime recommendation #saiki k #barakamon #dr stone #ore monogatari #gsnk #attack on titan #beeelzebub #bloom into you #banana fish #ya boy kongming #acca 13

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metalandmagi · 4 years ago

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Winter 2021 Anime Worth Watching!

Since 2020 basically sacrificed itself to give us the most stacked anime season of all time, I’m currently buried under the weight of almost 20 shows airing per week. So for anyone who’s looking for some anime to watch this winter, here’s some first impressions! I’m speed running my list this time by only talking about the new shows...because otherwise this would be my great American novel.

If anyone’s interested, I have master lists for both 2020 anime and 2019 anime, because there’s no shortage of fun things to find.

New Shows!

And before anyone asks, So I’m A Spider, So What? isn’t on here, because CG spiders freak me out.

Cells At Work Code Black: This...less comedic spin off of Cells At Work (made by a different studio) takes the wholesome concept of Osmosis Jones meets cute anime girls and turns it on its head. In this much more depressing version, we follow a rookie red blood cell who works in the body of an overly stressed, alcoholic smoker who puts every strain on the body imaginable. I love Red Blood Cell AA2153 and his co-workers, but man am I glad we get the regular Cells At Work airing this season too, because I need something fun and uplifting after seeing my sweet son go through hell every episode.

*Heaven’s Design Team: Have you ever wondered how God came up with some of the weird ass animals that live on this planet? Like, what’s the deal with giraffes? And why can’t we have dragons and flying horses? Well this is a comedy about the engineers and designers in heaven creating the new animals that are going to inhabit the Earth. That’s it, that’s the show. It’s kind of in the same vein as Cells At Work, having comedy blend with a surprising amount of educational information. If you want something light and funny, this is the show for you (though I don’t think it needs to have full length episodes). I’m just hoping there’s an episode about how the hell the platypus was created. Also it’s the only new one available on Crunchyroll.

Horimiya: A romantic comedy about a girl named Hori who fits the image of a perfect queen bee and a quiet bespectacled boy named Miyamura who never makes an impression at school. When the two meet by chance outside of the classroom, we see that Hori is practically raising a younger brother by herself, and Miyamura is actually a sweet guy who happens to be covered in tattoos and piercings. This show is an exercise in breaking down the images people have of others in their minds, and it’s a concept that really hits home in a fun and meaningful way. Honestly, this has become one of my immediate favorites. The characters have great chemistry, and I can’t wait to see more of them!

Monster Incidents (Kemono Jihen): When big shot Tokyo detective Inugami is called to a rural town to investigate a series of strange animal deaths, he finds a mysterious boy with the nickname Dorotabo who has been shunned by the other children in town. As the detective gets closer to Dorotabo, he discovers that there may be more...inhuman secrets to the boy than he realizes...and Dorotabo discovers that Inugami has some secrets of his own. This is a hard show to sell without spoiling the first episode, but it had twists and turns that kept me engaged from start to finish. I’m really interested to see where the plot goes, because I thought this was going to be something totally different just from the PV and series summary. If it plays its cards right, this could be a great paranormal detective show!

Wonder Egg Priority: A psychological drama about a girl named Ai who starts having dreams about a mysterious egg that promises to give her what she wants most in the world...a true friend. Before long, she begins to see how the dream world and reality are tied together, and trippy antics ensue. It’s hard to say more without spoiling anything, but I had to go back and add this one in because I made the mistake of thinking it was an OVA when it’s actually a full series. And what a series it’s starting out to be. This anime has all the psychological discomfort of a Satoshi Kon product with the beauty and style of something from Kyoani (even though it’s made by Clover Works). It’s really one of those anime you just have to see to understand.

Sk8-∞ (Skate the infinity): An original skateboarding anime from Bones, featuring a typical sports anime protagonist who takes a new transfer student who has never skateboarded in his life under his wing. Together they compete in dangerous races and take the skating community by storm. The character designs rival Appare Ranman’s in outlandish creativity, and I can smell the main characters’ ship dynamic a mile away (considering they’re exactly the same as the protagonists from Robihachi). If you’re looking for some wild and crazy fun with top notch skateboarding animation, don’t skip this!

2.43: Seiin Koukou Danshi Volley-bu (Seiin High School Boys Volleyball Club): Yes, it’s another volleyball anime. And no, it’s not just a clone of Haikyu. This story follows Yuni Kuroba, a physically built but emotionally weak teenager who finds out his childhood friend Hajime is moving back to their hometown for high school. Yuni discovers Hajime has become an exceptional volleyball player and they join their school’s volleyball club hoping to turn the unknown team into a rising star. If anything, this anime is much more like Stars Align or Free, where the sport is a backdrop for letting the characters explore their personal problems. Or at least it seems that way after the first episode. I went into this show ready to throw it in the trash because how could anything compete against my beloved Haikyu, but I found myself really enjoying the dynamics of the main duo and I’m curious to see what the rest of the team is like.

And speaking of sports anime rip-offs…..I can’t believe I’m including this but…

Skate Leading Stars: The show where the animators clearly wanted to design another throw away idol anime but saw how popular Yuri On Ice was so they decided to make whatever the hell this show is instead. It revolves around a fictional team sport called skate leading, and we follow the world’s most insufferable main character, a former figure skater named Kensei who wants to return to the ice and join his school’s skate leading team after he finds out his childhood rival is going to compete in the sport. Look, this show is just trashy enough to get a certain type of audience hooked, and it mainly has to do with the best boy of the winter season, Hayato Sasugai, the aspiring team “coach” who pulled most of us into watching this show with his punk appearance, snide comments and smug personality. He’s basically the lovechild of Izaya Orihara and Shizuo Heiwajima in a high school sports anime setting. The show treats itself with the perfect amount of sincerity to get away with being absolutely ridiculous most of the time without making you feel like you’re watching it from a dumpster...like Try Knights. You will know after one episode whether this show is for you. All I can say is, Hayato is worth the watch, and I haven’t seen any 3D animation used for the skating scenes (yet) so that’s a win for me.

Honorable mention:

Jobless Reincarnation ( Mushoku Tensei): Yet another isekai where the main character is hit by a car (big surprise) and gets reincarnated into a fantasy world...but he happens to remember his previous life and narrates himself growing up as a jaded adult. I’m only including this because it looked amazing animation wise, and I love the opening where getting hit by a car and dying is actually traumatic. And I love the protagonist’s parents (who are retired adventurers who just want to bang all the time). But honestly...the main character is the fucking worst, and I don’t know if I want to keep watching it because of how creepy and weird he is. Like...he’s the hit on your fantasy mom as a baby kind of creepy and weird. But for anyone who wants a cool looking isekai that had an amazing PV, it’s worth checking out.

Continuing Series!

Because the real gold of the season is in all the established anime getting their next seasons, I’m just going to list some of the things that are also amazing and definitely worth checking out if you haven’t already (because I’ve already talked about most of them at some point and don’t know what else to say).

Attack On Titan season 4

The Promised Neverland season 2

Beastars season 2

Log Horizon season 3

That Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime season 2

Re: Zero season 2 (second cour)

Dr. Stone season 2

Cells at Work season 2

Osomatsu-san season 3 (second cour)

Higurashi New (second cour)

Jujutsu Kaisen (second cour)

Not to mention all the shows I don’t watch that everyone else loves...like World Trigger (which I have seen quite a bit of, but long shounen shows are too much for me now) Quintessential Quintuplets, and Non Non Biyori.

So there’s just some of all the anime airing this season. Hopefully, someone can find something they like. Here’s to a great year...well, of anime at least...

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soramei · 4 years ago

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From Resentment (hhj)

Pairing: Hyunjin x Reader (she/her)

Summary: After a fated meeting involving a cute and fluffy puppy, you found yourself drawn to Hwang Hyunjin: the school prince. Everybody in high school loved him. It was hard not to. Not only was he rich, smart, and athletic, but he was also incredibly kind-hearted.

However, one day seemingly out of the blue, everything that you thought Hyunjin was came crashing down.

Now a freshman in university, you were excited to live out your dreams. That was, until Hyunjin came hurtling back into your life like an uncontrolled meteor. His presence threw a curveball on all your plans, and would eventually change your perspective on everything that you thought you knew.

Genre: studentl!hyunjin au, angst, enemies to lovers

Warnings: cursing, tw puking

Word Count: 8.8k

Masterlist

A/N: Not an Intentional update but a hyunjin oneshot!! disclaimer: no aspect of hyunjins personality here was drawn from real life — irl hyunjin is a ray of sunshine <3

You looked at your math homework, proud that you got all the answers correct. Since it was a slow afternoon at your job today, you had extra time to focus on your homework. The boss at the convenience store you worked at allowed you to have your homework out, as long as it was hidden behind the cash register.

As you stared at the rest of your homework, you started to feel the weight of tenth grade pile up on you. Because it was your first year of high school, you were still trying to adjust to everything; your grades, your teachers, and all the new students walking around the halls.

You stuffed the rest of your homework in your backpack. It was the end of your shift, and you wanted to go home as soon as possible to start with the rest of your studying. Crap. No matter how hard you tried to zip up your backpack, it wouldn’t close. After trying one more time, the zipper tore from your backpack.

You cursed under your breath. You couldn’t afford to buy a new backpack right now.

You had just been able to afford your new school uniform by taking up extra shifts at the convenience store, and you still needed money for your grandmother’s prescriptions. You sighed, annoyed to have another monetary stressor weighing on your shoulders.

Walking outside with your now torn backpack, your eyes widened at the group of boys in front of you. You immediately recognized them from behind.

The school princes. These three seniors were all known for three things: being extremely smart, handsome, and talented.

On the left was Seungmin, and from what you’ve heard, he was the smart and quiet one. He was always helping the teachers, being the class president and all. Any time a girl or a boy needed academic help, Seungmin was there and happy to assist.

The person on the right was Jisung. With his charming and charismatic personality, he had dated tens upon tens of girls in his grade. Just in the last year. It helped that he was really good looking — and also stinkin’ rich. His father was a notorious restaurateur, and with him being the first son, he was basically given unlimited spending rights.

The only person richer than Jisung was the boy in the center of them both: Hwang Hyunjin. This boy was the school prince. The prince of princes. He somehow managed to participate in music clubs, engage in study groups, and captain the soccer team all the while keeping up excellent grades. Every girl that Jisung had dated was said to have been rejected by Hyunjin first. That was his only flaw: he was notoriously cold to any and all romantic confessions.

You followed behind the three princes, staring at your torn up sneakers. You knew you didn’t exist in their world, but even being near three handsome and rich teenage boys made you nervous.

Suddenly, you heard a whimper coming from behind a bush to the left of you. It sounded like a hurt animal.

Worried and curious, you walked over to the bush to see what it was.

It was a puppy. Small and fluffy, it looked up at you with it’s beady black eyes and cried out. His paw was bleeding.

You panicked. Having never seen a hurt puppy before, you had no idea what to do. You called out for help.

“Help!” you cried, hoping that somebody had heard your call for help. You desperately wanted to help this hurt puppy, but you hesitated to touch it, afraid that you would hurt the animal even more.

The puppy howled in pain, making your panic rise. You were about to call out for help again, when you heard somebody running up behind you.

“What is it?” The voice asked.

“I-I don’t know. I just saw this dog here, and-and his paw is bleeding,” you anxiously stuttered.

“Here, let me take a look.”

You heard the voice behind you, so you shuffled over to make room.

It was Hwang Hyunjin. The person that responded to your cry for help was the most popular and well-liked person in the school. You were shocked, a bit intimidated actually, so you silently moved to the side for him. His black hair shone in the sunlight as he bent down to examine the dog.

“Come here, boy,” he chirped. The puppy listened, and started limping to him. “Something hurt you, didn’t it.”

He stood up, picking the puppy up along with him.

“C’mon,” he gestured with his head, “my vet isn’t too far from here actually. We can make it by walking.”

You silently nodded and followed him.

He was right. The walk to the veterinarian clinic, though very awkward, wasn’t too far. The clinic was empty at this time of day, with the receptionist being the only person in the room.

“Hyunjin! Always a pleasure,” the receptionist beamed. It seemed like Hyunjin’s likeability wasn’t only confined to your school. “My, what do we have here?”

“There’s something wrong with his paw,” Hyunjin tried to show the receptionist where the blood was coming from, “is the doctor free right now?”

“As a matter of fact, he is,” the receptionist said whilst checking the schedule. “I’ll take this little boy to the back where he can get prepped for the veterinarian.”

Hyunjin handed the puppy carefully to the receptionist. The receptionist took out a crate for the dog, put him in, and then disappeared through the back door. The two of you were now left alone in the waiting room.

“Uhm,” you coughed, “thank you. I know you probably want to get back to your friends, so you can leave now.”

“No, I’ll stay,” he looked at you and smiled, “those idiots are just playing LOL at the PC room anyways. Plus, I want to see how this little boy turns out.”

You smiled back at him, nodding your head. A few moments of awkward silence passed.

“I’m Hyunjin by the way,” he said.

“I know. I’m Y/n.”

“You’re in your first year, right?” he said, looking at the colour of your uniform.

“Yeah, it’s so hard to get used to though. I’m trying my best with my homework, but I think this school stuff just doesn’t click with me,” you rambled.

“Oh?”

“I want to go into dance. I’ve never been able to afford professional lessons, but I’ve always wanted to go to university for dance. My grandparents said they would let me if my school grades were high.” You didn’t know why you were giving your life story to Hyunjin. He just had this natural charisma that made you want to spill everything to him. It was the way he looked at you with those cat-like eyes.

“I know what you mean. It took me forever to convince my parents for me to major in dance. I got in by early admittance, but I’m sure they still have their reservations about my major.”

“You’re majoring in dance?” you asked, eyes wide.

He smiled. “I’ve loved dancing ever since I could remember. It’s my passion, and truthfully, the only thing I’ve got going for me.”

You were shocked. At school, Hyunjin was known for so many things other than dancing. Hell, you didn’t even know he enjoyed dancing and you thought you’d heard everything about him already.

The two of you chatted for a while longer before the vet came out with the now happy looking dog.

“It seemed like this little guy got into a fight with something, and he got a pretty large gash on his paw. Luckily, it wasn’t bleeding too much so I just gave him some anaesthetic and stitched it right up.”

You sighed in relief. “Thank god he isn’t too hurt.”

“Yes, it’s good that it wasn’t too bad,” the veterinarian agreed. “I’m assuming this is your dog? As soon as you finish with the bill, I can release this little guy and the both of you are ready to go.”

Oh yeah. The bill.

Although you knew you couldn’t afford to pay the vet bill, you didn’t know where this little dog would go if you couldn’t take him home. You did the mental calculations, and if you worked some extra shifts, you could probably be able to pick up the bill today. Buying a new backpack could be saved for another day.

“Sure, where can I pay?” you asked.

“Just over by the receptionist.” The veterinarian pointed.

You walked over to the receptionist, and she handed the bill over to you.

You almost fainted.

Just the anaesthetic and the stitches alone cost over two hundred dollars. This was extremely over your budget, and probably even more than the amount in your savings. You felt uneasy.

“Uhm, actually, I don’t think I can-”

“Do you take cash?”

Hyunjin had interrupted you, walked up to the receptionist, and pulled out his wallet. He peaked over your shoulder and took out a huge wad of cash to hand to the receptionist.

“Hyunjin, you don’t have to,” you begged. You felt bad that this guy you didn’t even know had just offered to cover you for over two hundred dollars.

“Think of it as a good luck gift from a fellow dancer.” He smiled.

That was when it clicked. You didn’t know what clicked, but it just did. It was his smile. It was the way the corners of his eyes crinkled up and how the corners of his lips pinched at the end. You now understood why all the girls at school were in love with him. He was quite literally perfect.

You thanked him profusely, even after the two of you had left the clinic. With the dog in your hand, you walked side by side with Hyunjin.

“So,” he started, “have you thought of a name for this guy yet?”

Oh yeah — he was your dog now. “Hmm, I don’t know yet.”

“What about Coco?”

“Coco?”

“Yeah, let’s see if he likes it.” Hyunjin leaned in and cooed at the little puppy. “Hi, little Coco!”

The puppy’s eyes lit up, and with his tongue stretched out, he started panting.

“I guess he likes it,” Hyunjin smiled. God, his smile could melt all of Antarctica.

“Coco it is.” You poked at Coco’s nose.

Hyunjin was about to say something back to you when his phone buzzed. He took a peak, rolled his eyes, then smiled. “My friends are god awful at games. I swear, they can’t even win one round without me. You’re okay with going home alone?”

He was going to walk you home? Could he be any more perfect?

You nodded your head. “Thank you, Hyunjin. I’ll pay you back for the bill one day.”

“No need,” he winked. “Like I said, it’s a good luck gift. Oh, and you can ask me if you need help with any school work. Anything to help a fellow dancer.”

He waved goodbye, then went running off in the other direction. You held Coco close to you, heart pounding. Although you didn’t want to be like all the other girls who fell for him, you felt like you were already falling for Hyunjin.

The next day, you had planned to go shopping for dog supplies after school. After a really long and arduous debate with yourself, you decided to sacrifice all of your savings in order to buy everything that Coco needed. You knew Hyunjin owned a dog himself, so throughout the whole day, you worked up the nerve to ask Hyunjin to come with you.

At the end of last period, you gathered all your stuff from your desk and headed to the soccer field where you knew Hyunjin and his friends would be. Whilst you crossed the field, you noticed Jisung staring at you. You found his stare intimidating, but you tried to brush it off. He then whispered something in Hyunjin’s ear.

“Hi, Hyunjin,” you said anxiously, biting your lip. “Umm, do you want to come with me to shop for Coco?”

He stared at you for a couple seconds, then, a look of disgust appeared on his face. “Why? So you can use my wallet again?”

You stared back at him, wide eyed. Who was this person? It wasn’t the Hyunjin that so graciously helped you out yesterday.

“W-what? No!” you exclaimed. “I-I just wanted your opinion…”

“Sure,” Hyunjin smirked coldly, “opinion my ass.”

“Hyunjin,” tears were pooling in your eyes, “I don’t understand.”

“If you need money so much, here.” He reached in his pocket and turned up a wad of cash, throwing it at your feet. “Just don’t come to me next time. And buy yourself a new pair of shoes while you’re at it.”

You looked down at the money, trying to hold back your tears. Why was Hyunjin being like this? You didn’t understand. His two jockeys beside him didn’t even bother to stop him. As you tried to stop yourself from crying, you felt your sadness turn into rage.

“I don’t need your stupid money,” you said, kicking the cash back to him. “Maybe you can use your daddy’s money to buy yourself a new personality.”

Hyunjin’s two friends tried to hold back their snickers at your words. Hyunjin heard, turned around, and gave them both death stares.

You didn’t bother to listen to whatever he was going to say next and simply stomped away, rage burning inside you. Everything about him was a lie. His charming and charismatic personality, his generosity, his kindness. They were all lies. He really was nothing but a rich, spoiled boy living with his father’s money.

There was rage behind every step you took. Wiping away your tears, you headed to your locker. You didn’t need him anyways; it was better to realize his true personality earlier rather than later. Hands shaking from anger, you dialed the combination to your locker.

“Hey, sorry about what happened earlier.” A voice came from behind you. “He can be a real jerk sometimes.”

It was Jisung. You rolled your eyes. You didn’t want to see him either.

“Why didn’t you do anything about it then?” Your voice came out shaky. It was obvious that you had cried.

“Once he starts, there’s no stopping him. It’s usually better to let him finish uninterrupted, or else he will get more mad.”

“Oh,” you said. Your hatred for Hyunjin grew even more.

“I could come with you, though. I don’t know much about dogs, but I can help you carry your bags.”

“I don’t know…”

“C’mon, no way you can carry everything by yourself.”

You hesitated. “Okay, I guess.”

And so, you left for the pet store with Jisung, still confused about everything that had happened. It was strange with him. He was nice and cracked a joke every now and then, but it was just different from being with Hyunjin. At least he was nice, you thought.

Your trip went well. You managed to buy everything you needed for Coco. In a turn of events, Jisung had actually come in handy as he offered to carry the huge bag of dog food you bought. He even offered to buy you a coffee.

“Thanks for all your help, Jisung.” You stood outside the door of your apartment, smiling at him.

“No problem, gives me an excuse to work out my guns.” He pretended to flex his arms.

You choked back a laugh.

“You should get going now. It’s late,” you said.

“Alright,” he started to leave. “Hey, if you see me in the halls, feel free to say hi.”

You nodded and waved to him as he turned and walked away, remembering his words. Every time you saw Jisung in the school hallways, you gave him a small wave in which he happily returned. However, whenever you saw him walking with Hyunjin, you made sure to purposely avoid them. You didn’t want any negativity in your life.

You kept up the waves, and soon, waves turned to small conversations which soon turned to flirting. By the end of the semester, you and Jisung somehow ended up as a couple. Jisung was polite and sweet, unlike a certain person. With every free moment you had, you hung out with Jisung — all the while avoiding Hyunjin.

The two of you stayed a couple for the rest of Jisung’s senior year. Somehow, the two of you had even kept up your relationship throughout your whole high school experience. It was hard at times as he went to university, but with a lot of effort, you had made your relationship work out. You barely had time to talk with him, but you enjoyed the little time that you did have. Jisung had never even once mentioned Hyunjin when you were together, and with time, you had totally forgotten about that jerk. You weren’t even sure if they were still friends.

You worked hard in school and reaped all the benefits. Your rank had consistently been in the top twenties amongst all the other students, and you even had time to practice your dancing. You remembered the day that you received your acceptance letter from university. Hands shaking, you had barely managed to open the letter all the way before you screamed. You had gotten into university with your dream major: dance.

Because of your excellent grades, you were able to pay a lot of your tuition with scholarship money alone. You hesitantly decided to quit your job at the convenience store to focus on university. Although quitting meant that your bank account would take a big hit, you decided that it would be best in the long run. There was a lot in your savings, and you even had a little extra to buy a new outfit for your first day of school.

Jisung had been busy on the first day of university. He had previously promised to show you around campus, but with him being a no-show, you wandered around by yourself to try to find your classes. You had trouble with the campus map at first, but after walking around for a bit, you were able to find all your classes with ease.

Your first few classes were a snore. Because they were all theory, you had to down two cups of coffee in order to stay awake. Somehow, you managed to take coherent notes despite being bored out of your mind. You just wanted to dance.

The good thing was, after sitting through many classes, your time to dance finally came. Your last class of the day was an introduction to dance course, and you couldn’t wait to go. You wanted to know your teacher, your peers, and most importantly, express yourself.

The dance class was in a studio in the university’s fitness center. It was huge, way bigger than the tiny gym in your high school. Upon entering the studio, you were immediately met with the sight of students, exactly like you, already stretching. You chose a spot in the room and started stretching as well, making good use of your time before the instructor comes in.

After some time, most of the students — including you — had finished stretching and were sitting in silence waiting for the instructor. The door swung open, breaking the silence. The instructor had come in.

“Hello new students,” he said, “welcome to Dance 100. Today, I will go through the curriculum with you as well as introduce your final project.”

The instructor whipped out a projection of the curriculum and started explaining the purpose of the course, what you would be graded on, and how you would be graded. He then read through his class expectations before moving to your final project.

“This final project will act in place of a final exam,” he explained. “You will be required to create a dance that includes everything we’ve learned in class and write an essay explaining all the elements in your dance. It will be worth half your grade.”

The class gasped in surprise. Not only did this project sound extremely difficult for a first year course, but the fact that it was worth half your grade made it borderline unfair.

“I know it might seem difficult, but worry not, you won’t be doing this alone. Every year, the first year dance students get mentored by the third year dance students for the final project. Each student has already been assigned a random mentor which will be introduced this class.”

The whole class murmured, talking amongst themselves and expressing their opinions on this project. It was definitely an interesting project. You hoped that you would be paired with a good mentor that would actually care about how well you did.

There was a knock on the door.

“Ah, this must be them.” Your instructor opened the door and a wave of third years came flooding in. Each one of them had a name tag pinned on their shirts. “Class, these are the third year students.”

You all politely greeted them.

“Now,” the instructor continued, “I will put the class list on the projector, and each of your names will correspond to a third year mentor.”

The instructor put out the list for display. You scanned down the list of names, eventually finding yours. Following the dots to your corresponding mentor, you almost choked on air when you saw yours.

It was Hwang Hyunjin.

You were at a loss for words. Just when you thought he was out of your life forever, the man that was so incredibly mean to you — the man you hated with your whole soul — was now your mentor. Just the thought of being in the same room as him filled you with disgust.

You scanned the sea of third year students, and your eyes immediately found him. He was staring back at you with the same shocked expression that you had on.

He looked different. Not only had he grown taller, but he had lost all his baby fat as well. His hair was different too. It was bleached blond and it almost hit his shoulders. What was the same, however, was his intense stare and his plump lips.

You walked over to him.

“You look different.” His eyes scanned up and down.

“So do you.” You clenched your jaw and sighed. “I guess we have to work together.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said flatly.

“Listen,” you copied his tone, “I’m not excited about this either, but I want to get a good grade for this class. If you don’t wanna help me, just say so and I’ll just work alone on this.”

“Don’t be stupid,” he rolled his eyes, “this is part of my grade too. I can’t let you fuck this up for the both of us.”

You rolled your eyes back at him and pressed your lips in a thin line. Ignoring what he said, you asked, “where do we start?”

“Let’s find a time to meet every week.” He pulled out the newest iPad model from his bag. Of course he would have the newest iPad. “I’m busy every day except Saturday, so let’s meet then.”

Way to consider your opinion. He was lucky that you weren’t busy on the weekends.

As Hyunjin worked on sorting his schedule, you took your time to look at how he had changed. With his hair blonde, he looked like a completely different person. You didn’t understand why he kept his hair long though. It kept falling in his eyes.

“Stop staring at me. It’s freaking me out.” He narrowed his eyes at you.

“I wasn’t.” You crossed your arms, defending yourself.

“Whatever.” He tucked his hair behind his ear and put his iPad back in his bag. “Don’t be late on Saturday.”

And with that, he left. You looked around the class. Most of the other students were still with their mentors, presumably getting to know each other and discussing the project. You almost wanted to ask your instructor to switch with somebody else, but that would mean passing on the nightmare known as Hwang Hyunjin onto a perfectly innocent person. You had your moments, but you weren’t evil.

The interaction with Hyunjin had left you in a sour mood for the rest of the day. You tried to study, but you were too distracted by the thought of having to work with that monstrosity for a whole semester. It was worth so much of your grade, too. You had just hoped that Hyunjin was as good at dance as he previously told you. You remembered him saying how dance was his passion in life. That was when you still liked him. Who knows, maybe he only said that so he could play you like every other girl he played with.

For the rest of the week, whenever you thought of the dance project, you were filled with dread. You tried to ignore it, and sometimes it worked, but most of the time it kept reappearing in your mind like a virus. The way Hyunjin had infected your mind bothered you to no end.

Time passed fast though, and before you knew it, Saturday had already come. Searching through your closet, you picked out a simple outfit for practice today. You slid on your tattered old sneakers and headed off to the studio that Hyunjin had told you to go to.

Entering the dance studio, you noticed that you were right on time. However, Hyunjin was not. Great… He made such a big deal over you being on time that he himself forgot to be punctual. You sat on the wood floors and started to do some stretches to warm up.

Eventually, after you finished your stretching, he entered the studio. With a girl. Holding a textbook, Hyunjin handed it to the girl and put on his signature deceitful smile. His ugly, perfect smile. The girl batted her eyes and waved her fingers goodbye before strolling out the door. You rolled your eyes at this, feeling bad for the girl. Hyunjin was playing her right in front of her own eyes and she didn’t even realize it.

“Were you really late because of a girl?” you sneered.

“Why do you care?” he retorted, flinging his bag to the corner of the room.

“I don’t.”

“Sure you don’t.”

Not wanting to waste time with that childish banter, you decided to end the conversation then and there. “Okay, well anyways, I’ll show you what I learned in class this week.”

Hooking up your phone to the speaker, you chose the song that you’ve been practicing with for the whole week. As the song progressed, you found it hard to not get lost in the music. Just dancing was the easy part; incorporating everything learned in class was another story. Although it was fairly difficult, you thought you executed everything very well as the song came to an end. Finishing up, you panted from exhaustion and looked at Hyunjin for his comments.

He stood, with his arms crossed across his torso, leaning against the speaker. There was a blank expression on his face.

“Not bad.” He started to walk up to you.

“But?”

“But you’re too stiff. You’re too focused on perfectly executing the technical moves that you forget to just move your body. Do what you did half-way through the song again.”

You turned the music on, trying to do the dance with Hyunjin’s criticisms in mind. Looking in the mirror, you did your best to show as much emotion as possible, all the while moving more fluidly. The room was filled with heavy bass and the squeaks from your sneakers.

Suddenly, the music was abruptly cut off.

Hyunjin had stopped the music and was making his way over, face still unreadable.

“You’re still trying too hard and it shows.” Hyunjin shook his head.

Clenching your jaw, you did your best to hold back your anger. Were you just not supposed to try? This annoyed you. Just because he didn’t need to try to be good at anything didn’t mean you couldn’t.

“Well,” you tried to say calmly, “how can I do this then?”

“You have to relax.” He put one hand on your hip and started to guide you. “Don’t focus on each individual aspect, but try to imagine everything as a whole. Then, things will come naturally.”

You followed his hand, allowing Hyunjin to guide you to his own rhythm. After a while, every movement felt so fluid and you didn’t even notice that your face started to match your movements. Glancing at your reflection, you gasped, noticing how different your dancing looked. You whipped your head to face Hyunjin, the two of your inches apart and breathing heavily.

“See,” he mumbled, looking down at you. “Once you stop thinking, everything just comes naturally.”

You looked back at the person inches away from you. It almost felt as if he was being kind. But you knew the type of person he was. You weren’t going to let this happen again. Snapping out of what weird trance you were in, you pushed him away in an act of self perseverance.

He didn’t say anything.

“I’ll try again,” you said.

Hyunjin strolled over to the speaker and turned on the music. This time, you didn’t think about anything you learned in class or Hyunjin’s criticisms. You just trusted in your body. Everything else was blank.

Taking a step forward while still in your trance, your shoe lost its grip on the floor, causing you to fall right on your knee. You cried in pain, holding on to your knee.

“Fuck,” Hyunjin hissed. He ran over and bent down to your level. “Can you move it?”

“I think so.” You tried to straighten your knee. It hurt, but you were still able to do it. There would most likely be a nasty bruise there the next morning.

“You’re still wearing those scraps that you call shoes? They’re literally coming apart at the seams. This is going to happen again if you don’t get new ones.”

You blushed in embarrassment from his remarks. “I’m not going to spend money on things that I don’t need.”

“Well, you need shoes. Just go buy a new pair later.”

Was he being serious? Or was he just spoiled?

“Hyunjin, not everybody can just go spend money whenever they want,” you loudly sighed. “Unlike you, I need to consider my budget for most things.”

“Well, why can’t you ask your boyfriend to buy it?” he sneered. “Seems like you’re good at doing that.”

How did he know you were still dating Jisung? What did he mean by ‘good at doing that’?

“What?” You crossed your eyebrows. “Do you think I’m with him just for his money? Do I really look like that kind of person to you?”

“You used me for my money,” he mumbled under his breath.

“What?” You couldn’t hear him right.

“Nevermind, rehearsal's over.” He stomped off, leaving you alone in the practice room holding on to your injured knee.

You busied yourself with everything and anything you could do over the weekend in order to forget what happened during rehearsal. However, no matter how hard you tried to forget, Hyunjin’s comments on your shoes stuck in your mind like glue.

During your shift at your job, you couldn’t help but keep staring at your worn sneakers. You never paid attention to your shoes before until now. They did the job, so why would you need to buy a new pair? Still, you unconsciously paid attention to every step you took.

On Monday’s dance class, you decided to go early. It was always nice to warm up in a room with other try-hards. They felt less judgemental than the others.

The studio barely had anybody in it this early before class. Everybody was either stretching or had already started going over what was taught last week. Shuffling your way over to your locker, you couldn’t help but compare everybody else’s shoes to your own. You’ve never cared about trivial matters such as shoes, but you couldn’t help but feel a little self conscious as your worn-in sneakers squeaked its way over to the lockers.

Opening your locker, your eyes widened, shocked at what you saw. Inside was a box containing a brand new pair of sneakers. It was an expensive brand as well, a brand that you never thought you would be touching in your life. You turned your head around, scanning the room. Everybody seemed to have been busy with their own thing.

Did somebody put these in your locker by mistake?

Taking the shoes out, you noticed a small slip of paper fly out. You picked up the note.

Keep these. I was a jerk.

You knew who had sent this. It was Hyunjin. You didn’t know what game he was trying to play at, but you weren’t going to fall for it like you did that day in high school. Gingerly putting the shoes back in your locker, you decided to return these back to Hyunjin at your next practice.

“No, I gave them to you as a gift.” Hyunjin turned his nose up at you, refusing to take back the shoes.

“Why would you give these to me if you think that I only use people for their money?”

“Because,” he rolled his eyes, “if you’re unable to dance then my grade is screwed as well.”

He made a good point, but you were stubborn. “Still…”

“You know what? Keep it, give it away, sell it, I don’t care. Let’s just start practice.”

After that dance practice, you threw your old shoes in the trash.

It was midterm season a month into school. You thought you had gone to hell and back with high school, but this was even worse. Each day consisted of waking up, studying, and going back to sleep. You lived on coffee and toast. It wasn’t much, but it gave you the energy to sit at the library for hours to study.

You didn’t see anybody during the midterm season, Instead, you chose to hermit yourself up at the library for days on end. This meant that, at least for a couple of weeks, your dance practice with Hyunjin was put on hiatus. Not that he minded, of course. He happily deleted the practices from his schedule.

You also didn’t see much of your boyfriend, Jisung. Ever since school started, he seemed to always be missing in action. He would almost never have time to be with you, and with the few moments that he was, it seemed like he was always so apathetic towards you. You brushed this off as stress though, as you finally knew what it was like to experience university exams.

It was a clear and sunny day on the morning you finished your last midterm. Leaving the exam room, you looked up to the sky, basking in the sun. Today was going to be a good day. Not only were you now stress free, but you were also invited to an end-of-midterm party for your dance class tonight. You had never gone to a university party before, so when a classmate asked if you wanted to go, you eagerly accepted.

Wrapping up your dance class, you stood at your locker, gathering the rest of your stuff.

“Hey.” An arm wrapped around you.

“Hey, Jisung.” You smiled, turning around to face him.

“You’re done all your midterms?”

“Yup.” You nodded happily.

He took a look at your shoes.

“New shoes?”

You hesitated in answering his question, not knowing where Jisung was with Hyunjin in terms of friendship. It was better to be truthful now rather than apologizing later.

“Hyunjin gave it to me.” You looked down, fiddling with your fingers. Why were you afraid of Jisung’s response?

“Wait, what? Hwang Hyunjin? Like from high school? Y/n, I thought you hated him.”

“I did! And I do,” you tried to explain, “but he had a reason to give me this.”

“Bullshit, Y/n. You’re really gonna believe any reason he pulls out of his ass? I thought you actually matured from high school.”

“Well, you would understand if you were around more often!” you yelled. You knew it was wrong to address other problems and blow this out of proportion, but you couldn’t think straight. Your mind was clouded with anger.

“What does this have to do with anything?” Jisung barked back. “What we’re talking about is how you, no matter how shitty of a person Hyunjin is, keep going back to him! Y/n, all that man does is take. He takes from you and he sure as hell takes everything from me. I won’t let that happen this time.”

When had he taken anything from you? All he had done was give.

“Jisung, let’s end this.”

“You’re right. Let’s cool down and talk later tonight.”

“No,” you shook your head, “I mean, let's end us.”

Jisung looked at you in disgust. “It’s Hyunjin, isn’t it?”

“No,” you vehemently denied, “Jisung, you never have time for me, and the little time we do have together you act like a different person. And now you’re being all possessive just because Hyunjin gave me a gift? I’m sorry, I just don’t see us recovering from this.”

“Fine, whatever.” Jisung turned around. “We’re done. But Y/n, don’t come running back to me when Hyunjin screws you over like he does with everybody.”

After Jisung left, you stomped your foot on the ground, tears pooling in your eyes. It was for the best — breaking up with him. For the past month, you hadn’t been happy with where your relationship was going, but this wasn’t the way you wanted to end an almost three year relationship.

Wiping away your tears, you tried to compose yourself before heading over to the pub. Jisung wasn’t worth the tears.

The walk to the pub wasn’t far as every establishment catered to students was a short walking distance from campus. For your entire walk over, you kept your head down so as to not receive looks from others. The headache from your cries and a blush of anger still lingered with you. Hopefully you’ll look somewhat normal by the time you reach the bar.

Checking your reflection once more in your phone camera, you fixed your hair a bit before going inside.

The bar was filled.

With students from both your dance class and the third year class, there was not an empty corner in sight. The music was loud, but the sounds of chatter coming from the students were louder. The place was dark, with the only source of light coming from very dim, bright blue LEDs.

It was surprising to see everybody in a different setting. You were used to the sight of your classmates being only in sweats and workout clothes, but now that they actually had time to get ready, everybody seemed like a completely different person.

You saw a few of your classmates wave at you, beckoning you over to where they were sitting. As soon as your butt landed on the chair, they spared no time to push a shot glass filled with clear liquor in front of you. You gladly took the drink, wanting to just let go and forget about everything that happened today. Holding back a cough, you scrunched your face as you felt the alcohol burn in your throat. It had been so long since the last time you drank.

After five you stopped counting. Partly because you knew you were going to drink more, but mostly because your head couldn’t even count to five anymore. Scrunching your eyes, you tried to focus on the blurry figure of your classmate complaining about her professor. Bored out of your mind as her mindless babble went on forever, your eyes started roaming around the bar. As your eyes wandered, you noticed somebody behind your classmate staring at you.

Hwang Hyunjin.

Even in your inebriated state of mind, you knew that it was Hyunjin. What other university student had the balls to bleach their whole head blonde? Your eyes met, and he ran a hand through his golden locks. Why do the most beautiful people harbour the most wretched personalities?

You tried to ignore his staring by focusing your attention back on your classmate, but eventually, you couldn’t help but glance back at him. He was still looking at you.

You saw a girl come up to him. She was the same girl that showed up with him on your first ever practice session. Because of the dimly lit bar and your drunken vision impairment, you had to really squint to make out what was going on. The girl, all smiley and giggly, put her hand on his shoulder, making Hyunjin break his eye contact with you. He smiled at the girl, mouthing words that were drowned out by the music. For some reason, this made you furious. Why was he so nice to everybody else but you? What had you ever done to him to make him hate you so much?

You kept your eyes on the girl, knowing full well that you shouldn’t have. You hated that — even on your night off, even when you had just broken up with your boyfriend — Hyunjin was still in your mind like an unkillable parasite. You hated the way he tucked his hair behind his ears. You hated how the corners of his eyes crinkled up when he smiled at her. You hated him.

You watched as she leaned in and whispered something in his ear, causing him to laugh. That was the last straw. In a drunken haze, you took your phone and bolted out the door, ignoring the concerns of all your classmates. Maybe it had been a mistake breaking up with Jisung. Maybe he really did know what was best for you.

Stumbling out onto the street, you tried to dial Jisung’s phone number. It proved to be too difficult of a task, however, as your drunken fingers could only tap on random numbers on the screen. You cried out of frustration.

“Y/n.”

The voice coming from behind you startled you, causing you to lose your grip on the phone. It dropped on the cement with a loud crack. Tears welled up in your eyes as you bent down to pick up your phone. There was a huge crack right down the middle of the screen.

“You cracked my phone,” you said, trying to keep your composure.

“So? It’s not like it’s worth much anyways. Just ask your boyfriend to buy you one.” Hyunjin’s evil eyes squinted down at you.

“Why are you still on about this? Hyunjin, I’ve never used anybody for money and I never will!” You couldn’t control the tears flowing down your face. “Plus, I couldn’t even if I wanted to. I broke up with Jisung today.”

You didn’t know why you were spilling your guts to the last man in the world you would trust. Surely, it was the alcohol.

“Y/n.” His tone had completely changed. He almost looked — concerned?

“Whatever, Hyunjin,” you slurred. “Just leave me alone. You can go back to that girl and have your fun with her.”

“Why do you care?”

“I don’t care.”

“Y/n, why do you care?” His tone got louder.

“I don’t!” you yelled at him. Your tears made everything even more blurry.

“Y/n! Tell me, why do you care?!” He spat back at you with just as much fury.

“Fuck you, Hyunjin. News flash, not everything in the world revolves around you and your rich and prestigious life. Maybe you wouldn’t be so toxic if you would just understand that.” You screamed at him through your sobs. “Also, I don’t know where you got this stupid story of my being a cash whore from, but I will say this one last time: I have worked for everything in my life and I have never and will never use anybody for their money.”

Hyunjin looked back at you, shocked. You stared back at him in disgust. Not wanting to waste anymore time on him, you stumbled down the street to look for a taxi. However, as you wobbled down the pavement, everything became even blurrier than before. You felt nauseous. You couldn’t control it anymore.

You threw up. All over the sidewalk. You couldn’t stop. Every time you thought that it was over, more and more came out. Your throat burned, and it wasn’t just the alcohol.

As you hurled out all the remains of today’s lunch, your hair was held back.

“Get away from me, Hyunjin,” you groaned. You didn’t want him to see you this weak.

“Who else is gonna take care of your drunk ass, idiot,” he mumbled.

That was the last thing you heard before everything went black.

It was a blinding white light that woke you up. You groaned, trying to block the light with your forearm. Cracking your neck, you tried to holster yourself up.

You were on a leather couch. Squinting, you surveyed the room you were in. It was clean, spacious. The floor was a white marble — there wasn’t a single speck of dust to be seen. Across from you was an incredibly wide TV with many game consoles scattered around it. You looked behind you. There was a large kitchen island illuminated by warm pendant lights. Sitting at the island, on his laptop, was Hyunjin.

“Wh-what happened to me?”

“You’re the worst fucking drinker I’ve ever seen, that’s what happened.”

You rolled your eyes.

Hyunjin ignored you, standing up and leaving for another room. Less than a minute later, he reappeared with a toothbrush and a roll of toothpaste.

“Go clean up. You look disgusting.”

You snatched the toothbrush from his hands. He pointed over to the bathroom and you trudged your way over. His bathroom was huge, almost bigger than your bedroom at home. You felt as if you were in a hotel.

“Your bathroom is huge.” After washing up, you felt not only cleaner, but more awake. “You’re really living the life with your family’s money, huh.”

Hyunjin sighed, slamming his laptop shut causing you to flinch. “Why, after everything, do you think I’m this rich, pretentious fuck?”

You rolled your eyes. Not this again. “Well, why do you still think I’m this money hungry monster?”

“You really wanna know why, Y/n? It’s because Jisung told me so. He was the one who told me that all those years ago.”

You were shocked. Jisung was the one who told him that? Your ex-boyfriend that you had loved and dated for almost three years? You didn’t want to believe it, you really didn’t, but there was this tiny whisper in the back of your mind telling you that it was true. He had a reason to — Jisung was always going on about how Hyunjin always took from him.

“But Y/n, I-” He stopped mid-sentence.

“You what, Hyunjin?”

He pressed his lips to yours, caressing the back of your head. You were shocked, but almost autonomously, your lips parted feeling the heat of his breath against yours. He pressed his body to yours, running his hand down your waist. His lips, the same lips responsible for his perfect smile, felt so soft against your own. You heard the thuds of his heartbeat as he held you closer.

You broke apart, gasping for breath. The realization of what you had done just hit you.

In a panic, you used your whole strength to push his body away from you. “I-I have to go.”

“Y/n, wait!” Hyunjin called.

You paid him no attention. Instead, you ran across the marble floors, hoisted the front door open, and sprinted out. Hoping that Hyunjin wasn’t following you, found your way outside and took a taxi home.

You sat in silence, trying to process what had just happened. You had just kissed Hyunjin. You had just kissed Hyunjin. Hands shaking, you grasped at the ends of your hair, trying to calm yourself down. Did that just happen?

You were more mad at yourself than at him. How could you have just kissed Hyunjin? You hated him. He was nothing but rude to you, never smiling and always accusing you of things that were clearly lies. He made you feel self conscious, nervous, and everything in between. You hated him.

But he was so sweet on that fateful day in high school. He gave you a new pair of shoes when you had slipped during practice, and he held your hair for you when you were drunk. His hair glistened in the sunlight, his smile made your heart race, and his lips ignited sparks of every colour in the rainbow in your chest.

You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated how fast you became infatuated with him on that day in high school, and no matter how much you tried to deny it, you hated that your feelings haven’t changed ever since. You hated Hwang Hyunjin. You hated that you loved him.

Curling up in your bed, there was no stopping the tears flowing down your face. You cried and cried upon this realization, and you remained this way for the rest of the day. The effect Hyunjin had on you was bigger than you ever expected, and you hated it.

At school, you tried to avoid as many people as possible. The kiss you had shared with Hyunjin was plaguing your mind, distracting you and igniting the fire that was your inner turmoil. Even the thought of Hyunjin put a strain in your heart. It was the way his breath fanned over your nose, gently tickling it like a bird’s feather and the soft silk of his blonde locks brushing up against your cheeks.

You shook your head, trying to erase any and every thought of that man. Walking to your locker, you were stopped in your tracks, the dam in your eyes starting to crack. You couldn’t do this today. You turned around to go somewhere else — anywhere else.

“Y/n, wait.”

You sniffed, wiped stray tears from your eyes, and picked up your pace.

“Y/n.” He grabbed your shoulder, turning you around to face him.

“Hyunjin, please, I can’t do this today.”

“Are you… Are you crying?” He touched your face, wiping your tears with his thumb. “Y/n, why are you crying?”

You shook your head. You were scared of what would happen if you opened your stupid mouth.

“Y/n, please.” Hyunjin begged. His voice was shaking. “Tell me why.”

You shook your head again.

“Y/n, please.” His voice cracked.

“Hyunjin,” you paused, taking a shaky breath, “it’s because I love you. I’ve loved you ever since the first moment you smiled at my pathetic ass. Even when you hurt me more than anyone has hurt me before… I never had a choice, Hyunjin. It’s always been you.”

You tore yourself away from Hyunjin, embarrassed to your core. That was the most humiliating thing you’ve ever done, but at least you had closure now.

“Y/n…”

“No, Hyunjin. You’ve torn me down and humiliated me enough already. What more could you possibly want?” You demanded, aware that everybody around you was staring.

“Y/n,” Hyunjin rasped, “It’s only ever been you. I’ve spent the last three years miserable knowing that you were with someone else. I’ve-I’ve never even been with another girl in the past three years. I know you have no reason to believe me because I was such an ass. I am such an ass. Y/n, I’m sorry. I’m sorry for projecting my insecurities on you, I’m sorry for accusing you of things I know you’ve never done, and I’m sorry for anything else I might have fucking done. Y/n, I love you. Please, I don’t fucking deserve it, but is there any way you could forgive me?”

You stared at Hyunjin’s bloodshot eyes, tears freely flowing down your cheeks, and before you could even think, you found yourself pressed against his lips. Your eyes closed, savouring the feeling of his soft lips touching your own. His wet cheek pressed against your own, and with a nudge of the nose, Hyunjin deepend the kiss with a raw passion in which you’ve never felt before.

You cradled his head, relishing in his silken blonde hair as you brushed your fingers through his locks. He sighed in response, his breath tickling against your cheek. You were fully aware that everyone on campus had seen both your messy confessions of love, but you didn’t care. All you could do was replay the moment that Hyunjin had said those words — those three tiny words — over and over in your head as you ran your fingers through his hair and kissed his soft, honey lips.

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