#<< I will fill that goddamn tag

[jjsstars]

feel safe — posted on my ao3 | 1.7k word count

|| tags : pre slash theo/scott, theo has a bad past, melissa mccall & theo raeken, theo is part of the pack, angst

Theo’s hands shake by his sides as he stands outside the McCall household, having already knocked once on the door, only once. If nobody comes then he’ll climb back into his car and drive to the woods and park somewhere random to sleep, he doesn’t want to push anyone to let him stay with them. He still doesn’t feel right about calling himself part of the pack, they’ve all assured him, even Stiles, that he is now. That he has earned his spot and has changed for the better.

The door creaks when it opens to Melissa standing at the threshold, she’s in pajama pants and a loose long sleeve, Theo suddenly gets scared he woke her. It’s only seven o’clock but maybe she had a long shift at the hospital and turned in early, he’d feel awful if her sleep got interrupted by him.

“Theo? Scott isn’t in right now, is everything alright?” She’s really asking if anything supernatural happened, it hasn’t. The town has been quiet and fairly normal since everything that happened ended.

“Everything’s okay, I was just..” His heart rate spike, he feels dumb for asking this, for wanting more from Scott and his family when he’s already taken so much.

“Do you think I could sleep on your couch tonight? Or- or the floor, I’m not picky, and- and it’s okay if you say no. I can sleep in my car, I’ll be fine, I don’t want to pressure you or anything-.” He stops when Melissa’s face falls to something Theo’s only ever seen her direct at Scott or Stiles, it’s motherly.

A concerned crinkle in her brow as her lips press together into a thin tight line and her eyes turn softer, bigger, worried. Theo doesn’t know what to do with this look being directed at him, his own mother, his real one, never showed this much emotion on her face. It was always stone cold stares and disgusted tsks at Theo and Taras actions, the women never had patience for children, neither did his father. Theo squirms under the gaze of Melissa before she’s pulling him inside by his shoulder.

“I was just watching a movie if you want to join me, or you can wait for Scott in his room.” He nods along silently as he toes his boots off at the door, his parents weren’t good at the whole maternal thing, but they taught him house manners.

“What are you watching?” There’s a blanket thrown atop Melissa’s lap and a cup of tea with steam still spilling off the top on the coffee table. Theo’s careful not to bump into the table as he sits himself beside Melissa, not too close, but enough that his nose can pick up on the fresh lavender lotion she has on. She must’ve just sat down when he showed up.

“The princess and the frog.” She says and leans to retrieve the remote and a book from the table, her book has a card sticking out of the top, she’s halfway through it. The cover is a navy blue with gold letters, it’s cursive and Theo can’t quite catch it from this angle, but the book looks old and worn so it must be good. He assumes it’s something romantic, he remembers Scott mentioning his mom reading a lot of “cheesy” romance novels.

“I’ve never seen it.” It’s animated which isn’t what he was expecting but it’s a pleasant surprise. Animated usually means it won’t be something scary, that’s what Lydia told him at the last pack movie night, they watched some superhero movie that Malia and Stiles wanted to see, Theo doesn’t remember most of it since he fell asleep halfway through. He just knows he prefers the non-scary movies, he’s seen enough horror and gore in his life, he’d rather watch something with a happy ending.

“Really? It’s a childhood classic.” He isn’t sure how to tell Melissa that he hasn’t seen most ‘childhood classics’ and that it doesn’t stop at just movies. He hasn’t read the books the others talk about, hasn’t seen the shows and movies, never had the toys and accessories they mention. His house was never made to fit children, that’s how he sees it at least. His mother and father always had guests coming over and didn’t have time to clean up toys that Tara and Theo left lying about, and they didn’t have time to change the channel from a kids show to something adult. Theo and Tara were left to their own devices and told to stay away from the guests, to not embarrass their parents. Theo remembers spending a lot of time drawing and listening to Tara make up story’s from thin air.

“I haven’t seen a lot of movies.” Theo’s missed out on a lot of pop culture, more than he’d like to admit, but he’s trying to catch up and cue into things that the other teens talk about. Lydia said they’d watch Ariel, a movie she was obsessed with as a child and Theo hasn’t seen, so that way he could understand the songs she sings under her breath when she works with her hands. The pack have been kind about Theo’s lack of knowledge in certain things, the same way they’re kind about things Malia misses, he appreciates it more than they’ll probably ever know.

“Scott mentioned something like that. I think you’ll like this one, everyone does.” He nods along and looks at the Tv, Melissa has her book open and he doesn’t want to seem rude by staring at her as she reads.

“What’s it about?” The characters and art style are upbeat in a way, a simple color palette, it’s easy to tell this is a kids movie.

“A princess and a frog.” A small laugh comes from both of them. Theo likes how easy it is to talk to Melissa, to smile with her, it reminds him of when he talks to Scott. He never realized how much Scott’s like his mother but now that he’s sitting beside her it seems obvious.

They both have a warmth to them. It bleeds into their house, Theo always feels comforted and mellow in the McCall home, there’s never any worry about having to perform or keep up a reputation when he’s here. It even smells like home, a soft and sweet smell, none of the sour and harsh smell from his parents house. It doesn’t reek of strong chemical cleaners or three sprays too much of an expensive perfume, instead he’s hit with the scent of Scott and Melissa. It’s natural, gentle, no lingering tension or blood rapidly cleaned off the walls. He sinks into the feeling their house provides, the safety and security that he can put his guard down.

-

He isn’t sure how much times passes but he’s shaken awake by somebody’s hand on his shoulder. His head is leaned against Melissas shoulder, her sleep shirt is velvety on his cheek, he can hear every even breath she takes and hear how she murmurs something to whoever is standing in front of them. Theo doesn’t want to move, he likes being close to someone like this, it’s tranquil, something he doesn’t get to feel often. He wants to savor it.

“C’mon Theo I’ll take you upstairs, you can sleep in my bed.” Scott, his brain recognizes. His arms outstretch to Scott without a second thought, he thinks he’d die if anyone else saw this, but Scott only laughs, he sounds just like Melissa.

Arms wrap around Theo quickly, one hooking under his knees and the other around his back, Scott hefts him up with ease. It’s no surprise with his werewolf strength, Theo thinks Scott would try to carry him even without it. That’s just the kind of person he is, the kind of person Theo wishes he could be. He admires how Scott always tries to help his pack, even back when Theo was under the influence of the dread doctors, he still saw through the haze of their control and had respect for Scott. For how he acted, talked, he always had so much regard for people's emotions and wanted to find the correct way to solve a situation, not just a way, but the one that took into consideration everyone’s feelings and how they’d be impacted by it.

“Scott?” He asks once they reach Scott’s bed, he can feel how Scott stops at the bed frame hitting his shins.

“Yeah Theo?” All the attentiveness in the world shows in McCalls words, two simple words and Theo feels his chest go tight. How can someone care for him like this? After everything, he doesn’t deserve to be cared about, yet Scott does.

“Thank you.” Theo could spend a decade telling Scott thank you for everything he’s ever done and it wouldn’t feel enough. There’s nothing that could fully portray how much Scott means to Theo, how much value Scott’s come to hold.

“I’ll carry you to bed any day Theo.” It’s spoken like a secret, a whisper tone, so delicate Theo can’t help but cling his arms harder around Scott. His face tucks into Scotts neck, breathing him in, reminding himself that this isn’t some big dream and that it’s real.

“You make me feel safe, your house and your mom and just, you. I’m not afraid when I’m here.” He uses the same whisper that Scott did in hopes that Scott will take in every word. Theo can’t believe he’s being so vulnerable, so fragile, he thinks Scott understands.

“I’ll always be here to protect you.” Scott moves to lay them both down on the bed with Theo still held in his arms, like breaking the position would just be too painful. Theo appreciates it, and how Scott starts to scratch his hand up and down Theo’s back, it’s absentminded and Theo can tell Scott doesn’t realize he’s doing it. He just is, always giving that extra level of care.

“I know.” It’s the truth. He does. He always has, even when things were messy and Theo was the one in the wrong, Scott still would’ve protected him if he needed it, it’s not a question for Scott. He’ll always protect people who need it, Theo loves him for it.

[ashlynniis-bracketeers]

Woe, sequel to this be upon ye.

Seeing discussion about my post and possible Sinner/E.G.O combinations in regards to the Magical Girl E.G.Os, I ended up slapping this chart together, mainly of personal theorization.

I used the Sinner symbols for the Sinners, and Card Suits for the Abnos/E.G.O. For the Abnos, from left-to-right: Diamond for King of Greed/Magical Girl of Happiness (Gold Rush), Heart for Queen of Hatred/Magical Girl of Happiness (In the Name of Love and Hate), Spade for Knight of Despair/Magical Girl of Justice (the Sword Sharpened With Tears), Club for Servant of Wrath/Magical Girl of Courage (Unknown E.G.O name). I will be shortening their names to KoG (King of Greed), QoH (Queen of Hatred), KoD (Knight of Despair), and SoW (Servant of Wrath).

It was a massive pain in the ass lmao. There are twelve Sinners and four Magical Girls, so it would logically be a trio of Sinners for each E.G.O, but trying to cut them out so cleanly was... not possible with my skills and knowledge, to say the least lmao. Servant of Wrath fits for so many of the Sinners, it's unreal. Also, wtf do I do with Ryo, Hongler, and Outism rofl.

More detailed thoughts (and a blank version if any of you want to take a stab at it) under a cut. [Includes spoilers for Murder on the WARP Express (and things before it). You have been warned.]

Yi Sang - I'm not going to lie, I mainly just gave him Knight of Despair because... well, just look at him lmao. I put a tentative check for King of Greed because he simply desired to bring happiness for others, but was consumed... though by despair instead of greed/gluttony like the KoG.

Faust - Inside the Limbus fandom, people tend to forget that Gloom is normally replaced by Greed as one of the Seven Deadly Sins in real life, but Greed has been swallowed up and assimilated into Gluttony within the City. We don't know much about "Our" Faust, disconnected from the Gesellschaft, but something that we see between both of them is this: Curiosity. An all-consuming curiosity, a hunger for knowledge. I put a tentative check for Servant of Wrath because of the possibility of her turning against the Gesellschaft at some point in the future, making it her "Hermit of the Azure Forest" figure. This is entirely theorization, hence the tentativeness.

Don Quixote - Both the QoH and KoD seem to fit her quite well. She's made of two drastically-different sides, after all, and could both work depending on what her future is in her Canto and beyond. Someone desperate for purpose and usefulness, their manic personality possibly falling into hysteria and twisting themselves into a monster... or a monster twisting themselves into a human, in this case. And the Knight of Despair was originally the Magical Girl of Justice, after all. I put a tentative check for KoG because of the possibility of her being consumed by her desires, trying to seek happiness through serving others in something that could be seen as selfish means.

Ryoshu - I honestly wasn't sure what to do for her. Ended up just slapping on the King of Greed because her... art tastes, combined with her love of making this "art", can be seen as a selfish pursuit of happiness. A tentative KoD check because... Well, she might have already gone through her original "despair arc" before joining the company, if you understand what I mean (something related to her original literary inspiration).

Meursault - See the post this is a sequel to for more info, but I may as well copy-paste a copy-paste from it: "QoH seems to define herself by “usefulness” or “purpose”. When there’s evil in the world, she has a purpose! She’s happy to serve, in the name of Love, when there’s a villain on the loose! But without evil, without a villain, she’s “useless”, and risks being… thrown away. QoH seeks Love (and technically Happiness, though that’s technically more King of Greed), while Meur has been attempting to seek happiness. QoH is eager to serve, until she is considered “useless” and goes ballistic, while Meur tends to obey without complaint and both has difficulty expressing his emotions and was probably taught to repress them heavily, and probably feels some bottled-up resentment over the idea of being discarded…" And on that note: QoH's "hysterical" state and monstrous transformation could also bring to mind his book counterpart emotionally blowing up at the end of the book. He has tentative checks in KoG and SoW. Starting with SoW: His "Hermit" figure could be many people/figures as he grows more independent and self-driven. For KoG: He's been trying to "seek happiness" for a long time. Who's to say that, as he grows more independent and self-driven, that his ways of seeking happiness don't become more selfish and/or possibly self-destructive? Just because a character is progressing doesn't mean it has to be entirely "positive", especially in The City.

Hong Lu - Oh, I have no clue what to do with him lmao. It's why he has no "certain" checkmarks. I have tentative checks in QoH and SoW. Starting with QoH: He simply wishes to selflessly make people happy, from just being nice to lying to try and soften the blow of a tragedy upon another. For SoW: He seems to have some form of both admiration for and resentment towards his family, members of which could act as his "Hermit" figure(s). The question mark for KoG is because of what his reasons could be for joining the Limbus Company in the first place, despite the high risk of death and people often treating him like garbage. Some kind of self-destructive attempt at freedom?

Heathcliff - KoD may seem like an odd pick... but he was originally seeking "justice" against Cathy for her (as he perceived it) rejection of him, and even know he seeks justice for Cathy and vows to bring her back. His Distortion is also caused by him falling into despair over the idea of never growing into more than a "violent beast". There are tentative checks for QoH and SoW. Starting with QoH: He is also heavily motivated by love, and his Distorted form is called "The Heartbroken". For SoW: His "Hermit" figure could be Nelly. The question mark in KoG is because, beyond everything, he just wanted to be happy for once.

Ishmael - She's definitely with SoW. Ahab is easily her "Hermit" figure. She has a tentative check in KoG because the entire reason she got involved with Ahab and the Pequod in the first place was because she desired more than just a soul-numbing Nest office job, and this desire for freedom and excitement ended up almost consuming her entirely. There's question marks for QoH and KoD. Starting with QoH: A lot of the danger outside of the Lake itself in Canto 5 all started because she mentioned Queequeg, who it was... well, you've seen how popular Ishmael/Queequeg is entirely because of stuff in-game, so you should get the picture. She also grew increasingly manic, violent, some would say hysterical throughout the Canto. For KoD: She genuinely believed that she was valued on the Pequod... at least, for a time. Then, well...

Rodion - She's definitely KoG, no contest. Her own selfishness and desire to be "special" is what led to much of her group being slaughtered, which she then tried to numb with attempts at mindless hedonism and gluttony. I put a question mark for QoH because I've heard many people interoperate the QoH as being representative of hypocrisy, which she has in spades... or hearts, in this case.

Sinclair - Yep, definitely SoW. Kromer is his "Hermit" figure, he's generally considered the youngest of the Sinners (like how the SoW is the youngest of the Magical Girls), and he tends to lash out with surprising, rage-filled murderous violence.

Outis - I had no clue what to do with you, either lmao. I put a check in KoG because she seems to desire happiness through seizing power. She's the resident notorious ass-kisser, and she is implied to have been a higher-ranking military rank, which is something she seems to desire the high of again. The KoG also seems to have been the leading Magical Girl, if some of QoH's breaching lines are any indication. I put a tentative check for KoD because of possible reasons why she's no longer a high-ranking military figure. Her information is heavily redacted and unknown, so that could mean one of two things: She was either forcefully expelled from her position and now has bad blood with her original work, or she left of her own volition for a reason. And she seems to genuinely care for her subordinates...

Gregor - He feels like he fits SoW to me, with Hermann acting as his "Hermit" figure. A child abused and manipulated, used as a tool of propaganda, turned into a monster, by his own mother... I put a tentative check for KoD based around the "originally bright-eyed and happy to help, but turned jaded and sorrowful by his military service" angle, which is more pronounced in his "G Corp. Manager Corporal Gregor" Identity. I put a question mark for QoH because of his possible desires to love and the "an upsurge of emotion or a sudden change of environment may cause parts or the whole of his body to transform into insectile (notably akin to a carapace, resembling that of the _) tissues" information from his introduction information possibly being a good analogue to QoH's Hysteria and Serpent states.

Here's the blank, go nuts.

[dustykneed]

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine

you make me happy when skies are gray

(prompt fill for @mcspirkevents' mcspirk bingo prompt "gone with the wind".)

static frames below:

ouch! neck deep in aos bones feels rn... lmk if i should make a fix-it or somethin

[kindahoping4forever]

Ash IG Story

[xannerz]

i’ll be completely honest i’ve seen how some people receive gift art (whether as a surprise or thru a community event), and the clipped “aw cute, thanks!”-tier responses are always a little jarring to me lmao. maybe at least compliment something you like about it. i am aware that there are at least some people out there who will try to ingratiate others with gift art, and it’s pretty off-putting/obvious, but not always. Give some grace/show appreciation when you can, it goes a long way.

[rainbowangel110]

Head in hands

[xylofondue]

Kai sadly trudging over to the “my love interest is gone/doesn’t remember me” corner with Nya and Zane since I started making Lee’s (my oc) DR lore

Basically he’s a bounty hunter who has very very vague memories from before the Merge

The foggiest of memories because why not

Concussions go brrrr

I think he’d be friends with Jay and the Administration because he would find and bring in a lot of people.

[infiniteglitterfall]

Nothing you say will change the undeniable fact that Israel has killed more than 1% of the civilian population of Gaza through indiscriminate bombing since the start of this war

this is why Hamas only reports total people killed, and doesn't separate out civilians and combatants. because it knows that you'll assume they were all civilians, despite zero reason to assume that. nobody else does it that way. every single country on earth reports civilians and combatants separately, because killing civilians is a war crime.

Part of the reason that this is really good propaganda is that if someone responds by clarifying that it was only ____ civilians, they will sound like they're minimizing, which will lead to immediately dismissing their point.

Hamas is honestly masterful at propaganda.

Which sucks.

Anyway, if you want Undeniable Facts or at least Numbers: there are 2.3M people in Gaza, of which 30,000-40,000 are Hamas military. An unknown number are Hamas leaders, cybersecurity, military academy staff, etc. None of that really makes a dent in a number like 2,300,000, though. As of the beginning of December, more than 5,000 of the 15k+ it had then killed were Hamas members, for a civilian:combatant casualty ratio of almost 2:1.

Meaning that it had killed almost 10,000 civilians. Which also sucks.

For the curious, here are the ratios of civilian:combatant deaths you get with the numbers here for various wars:

Mexican Revolution  1:1

WWI close to 1:1

WWII between 3:2 and 2:1

Korean War about 2:1

Vietnam War 2:1 at highest estimate, 1:1 at lowest

Russia-Afghanistan War between 5.6:1 and 20:1

Israel-Lebanon War 6:1

Both Chechen Wars 7.6:1

NATO in Yugoslavia most likely 4:1

Afghanistan War 0.4:1 (or if you treat the civilians as the basis for comparison, it's 1:2.5)

Iraq War 1:2 thru 2015, then 4.5:1

U.S. Drone attacks in Pakistan 1:5

Second Intifada between 1:1 and 2:1, with 59% of Palestinian and 69% of Israeli deaths being civilians

2008 Gaza War 3:2 

2014 Gaza War between 1:1 and 3:1

Ukraine: 1:6 as of end of 2022 - surprisingly, this is the lowest ratio of any of the wars I've looked at

Israel-Hamas war as of beginning of December: 2:1. (15600 total, more than 5000 combatants.) 

As of Dec 19, Israel has killed 19,667 people in Gaza. Let's see if we can get an actual number for how many of those are civilians.

I can't find an up-to-date number for combatants. It was 5,000+ on the 6th, and 7,000+ by the 10th,

It's been primarily fighting in Hamas strongholds that aren't SUPPOSED to have any civilians in them. Given that it killed three hostages, that's obviously not guaranteed. But that's why the number went up so fast.

As of the 19th, Israel has killed 4,000 people in about two weeks. At least half of those are combatants. But it's also wildly unlikely that it's only killed civilians since the 10th. Guessing that half of those deaths were combatants seems reasonable; it should be more, based on all the info we have.

That means that Israel may have killed 11,667 civilians, of maybe 2.27M civilians in Gaza. And killed 8,000 Hamas members, of maybe 30,000. (700 have also surrendered, last I checked.)

To be fair, separating out the combatant deaths doesn't do a lot to change what percent of civilians have been killed, because 2.3M is such a big number.

It's 0.6% with them, 0.5% without them. (Not 1%, fortunately.)

But it's always worth noting that Hamas is a lying group of liars that lied about having raped civilians en masse, lied about having killed civilians en masse, lied about wanting to specifically fight Israel and not Jews in the rest of the world, and is even happier to mislead people than it is to lie outright.

By contrast, it's about 30% of Hamas, between Israel killing its members being killed, and them surrendering.

I don't particularly like the number of terrorists killed either, tbh. Despite how enthusiastically some people misinterpreted what I said, I don't like it when anybody gets killed.

[nightmareslug]

one of the perspective practices or whatever

[teamhawkeye]

"you're not allowed to ship this/you're sick if your ship that!", "you can't disregard canon like that/no AUs or silliness allowed!", "this is the only proper way to engage with a specific piece of media-"

why are some people even involved in fandom at all if they're just gonna be boring, antagonistic, and an absolute killjoy - go be a soul sucking tar pit on your own and leave people alone who are harmlessly enjoying their fictional content in whatever way they want

[hauntingblue]

Does every uni do this thing and you have to message teachers to ask them to be your thesis' director or is it just my uni that thrives on humiliation

[landfilloftrash]

You ever just get struck with a realization and then realize it don't fuckin' matter /jovial

[rexcaliburechoes]

diamant, the horrors chamber, and why he’s just so fun to mess with // the diamant-sertation series

i’d talked a little about this before on twitter about diamant angst and if i’m doing alright (i’m fine just biochemistry major go brrrr) and i just remembered this:

and i wanted to think about this for a little bit. i’m going to try and not retread old ground, but that’s kind of impossible if i want to break him in a realistic way.

but i was mostly thinking about how easy it is to destabilise him. i might be woobifying him too much, but i swear, i’ve been through this rigamarole before with a variety of characters. i’ve hurt characters over and over and over again, testing their limits, watching them bend and potentially break, and diamant has keeled over the fastest. it’s kind of funny in a bit of a twisted way.

but i mean it: why does he bend to easily compared to others?

i think it’s because he Refuses to experience The Horrors, and so when something encroaches on that tenuously stretched self control, he simply cannot deal with anything new, so he shuts down. you’d think he’d have a fight response to new stressors (he is of brodia; if you can’t fight, then what kind of brodian are you?) but i think he’s gone past that point. he’s dealing with enough already as it is, just One More Thing just will set him off. he’s tired, overwhelmed, and bottles everything up because He Should Be Able To Deal With It.

there’s definitely an allegory of being undiagnosed neurodivergent in here somewhere but we don’t have time to unpack all that.

but since diamant is so easily burnt out (which, haha, funny fire trauma go brr), he’s just an easy target to picking at all of his weaknesses and flaws. diamonds have very predictable cutting planes, and if manage to hit one just right, the entire crystal will shatter.

[mutsukiss]

I wish fanfic writers would tag stuff w a global tag bc unless it's ppl I know or am friends with I really do not want to see your huge ass fucking wall of text with the ugliest jimin edit header ever done in a character's main tag. Specially bc there's like 1 million of you. Sincerely please learn to tag and use the read more or die. from the bottom of my heart 🙏

[caffeinatedopossum]

Me: well I don't have any counting compulsions

Also me: (anytime I have to count anything) *recounts it at least 3 times because I think I counted it right... probably. but now I'm not sure and I have to check*

[daggersandarrows]

hey just a general reminder that if you find yourself hiding parts of yourself, or afraid to talk about something you enjoy, or just generally less than you usually are because a "friend" doesn't like it...please ask yourself why, and what you're getting out of it, and if it's a normal thing (friend is triggered by xyz - having a rough time and not in a good place to listen - etc) or if they're just dragging you down (it's ok for THEM to talk about this thing that you don't particularly love but the minute you say something they spiral into a 20 minute rant - they never listen to anything you say to begin with - they're a pain to hang out with - you're struggling to remember why you even hang out).