#this is not fellow neurodivergent people either

[walks-the-ages]

need to make an HD 2023 version of the Retail Robin meme at some point. so I can make memes of the daily occurances of dealing with the public.

Customer: *puts card into pinpad and does not do anything but stand there for a full minute*

me, wondering if the pinpad froze again: "Does it have any questions on the pinpad?"

Customer: "No."

Me: "oh, it must be frozen again--"

Customer: "It's just been asking me if I want cash back."

Me, internally, 'yeah, that counts as a '''question on the pinpad'''''

Customer: "But I don't want cash back."

Me: "if you look at the touch screen, there will be an orange button right there that says 'no'. You can press that to go to the next screen."

Customer: *hits button*

Customer: *continues standing there not doing anything further for a full 30 seconds*

Me: "Annnd does it say anything else, or does it just say 'processing'....?"

Customer: "Now it's just asking me for a pin."

Me: "In that case you can enter your pin to run it as debit, or you can skip the pin and run it as credit by hitting the green enter button."

Customer: "I don't want to use my pin though. I want to do credit."

Me, repeating, "Okay, to do credit, all you have to do is hit the green button."

Customer: "this is too complicated."

Register: *error noise-- transaction has been canceled due to timing out-- which is around 3-5 minutes of inactivity*

Me: "Okay, the register timed out due to inactivity, if you could remove your card and re-insert it for me--"

Customer: *rips card out and shoves it back in* "This is too complicated!!"

Me: *stands up, leans around register, confirms "no cash back and credit, right?" *and presses the exactly 2 buttons that it takes to complete the transaction and has the card processed in 2 seconds* "Okay, go ahead and remove your card."

Customer: "Don't I get a receipt??"

Me, pointing at the printer which is audibly and visibly chugging away: "As soon as it's done printing, yes, it takes a second,"

Customer: *ignores me and reaches over to the register printer and physically rips the receipt in half and almost jams the printer trying to yank it out before it's done*

Me: *has to open up the printer and carefully extract the other half of the receipt and reset the roller*

Customer: "Why is this taking so long??"

[pollenallergie]

so frequently you hear about neurodivergent people who hate ceiling/overhead lighting… but like my boyfriend and i are both neurodivergent and we hate lighting that’s not overhead (aka we hate low-lighting/dimly lit environments) bc it makes us feel a bit dizzy/disoriented. certainly we can’t be the only neurodivergent people who actually heavily fuck with overhead lighting, right?? like it can’t just be the two of us. <3

[heartyearning]

context for today’s rant is that i got the feedback on my jury’s written feedback in the ‘general’ section (meaning it comes from more than one person) that i’m disrespectful towards my teachers and fellow students (i got it phrased in 2 different ways for flavour) & when i asked around today who said this so i could see how i could change my behaviour (btw none of my fellow students think this which i know bc i asked and everyone was shocked that i got this feedback) all of them were ‘i dont think this but it was discussed that’ which is funny bc it means the school’s computer system has a ghost or no one wants to fucking apologise to me for a very personal and hurtful comment that they can’t back up, but anyway, i was asking for clarification & my most diplomatic teacher (who i dont for a second believe to have written this feedback bc she’d have said so to my face no doubt) was like “well some teachers are worried about you and [best friend]’s clique & think it might turn into an Intellectuals Vs Others thing” (i don’t need to tell you this is so fucking out there i nearly fell from my seat like i have never said this in my life and when this very teacher saying this made a comment about one of my less-well read fellow students i was one of the ones who ‘‘rallied’‘ or whatever in her favour) and anyway then she continued “some ppl feel like u make condescending comments & you just need to remember not everyone has had your trajectory in life” WHICH IS FUNNY because she says this bc my bestie’s got a whole philosophy degree but i’m a highschool dropout with a lower than average iq in certain subjects. which obviously isnt even close to being the point and i do know that but i’m clearly feeling very upset and mad about this whole situation.

[chelledoggo]

Happy 1-Year Anniversary to The Amazing Digital Circus!

i sadly don't have any art pieces ready (i want to do something! it'll just be late.), but i wanted to commemorate this day anyway, so let me talk about what this silly, twisted, heartfelt little show means to me 💖

i admit, i jumped on this crazy train slightly late. it was a couple weeks after the pilot premiered. but i kept seeing this nervous little jester girl on my social media timelines and thought "hmmmm… i should check this out."

best decision ever.

now, i have a cornucopia of neurodivergences and mental illnesses: autism, possible ADHD, anxiety, depression, C-PTSD, etc… i've always felt "trapped" in this loud, scary, confusing "circus" of a world. so naturally, this traumatized jester woman resonated with me.

she finds herself thrown into this loud, bright, scary digital world. she can't comprehend what's happening, and it seems at first that no one really understands her.

and it dawns on her: this is her life.

the autistic experience right there.

she eventually meets Gummigoo, an NPC who suddenly finds himself in an existential panic. Pomni sees that Gummi's just as scared as she is. she sits down to comfort a fellow "outcast."

and this is when the show began to speak to me on an even deeper level.

but just as quickly as Pomni feels she finally has some hope, those hopes are instantly dashed as Gummigoo is unceremoniously blasted into confetti. Pomni once again finds herself feeling hopeless and alone.

that's when her fellow circus cast members step in.

she stands witness to a beautiful funeral service for Kaufmo, a friend she never got to meet. all these fellow scared humans, giving beautiful eulogies for their fallen comrade.

and then it hits her, these people are a family. they care for one another. she's not alone.

this sense of love and community is displayed once again in the latest episode. Pomni is at her lowest low. she's literally in Hell. but even then, she has a friend. a friend who's also suffering.

…i'll let this scene speak for itself. it's just that powerful.

honestly? it's not even just Pomni that resonates with me, either. i see a little of myself in a lot of these characters.

Ragatha tries to hold onto optimism and childlike wonder, but she's going through it too. i'm a traumatized womanchild in my 30s, too. big-ass mood.

Gangle literally has to "mask" and put on a happy face, not stepping on any toes. but that mask is fragile. she can only put on a front for so long before the sad, scared, trembling girl underneath is exposed. another autistic mood for me lol.

Zooble? ohhh, their therapy subplot hit me HARD as both an autistic person and an enby. they've tried to communicate how unhappy they are. they've tried to let Caine know what they need. but he doesn't even seem to hear them. eventually it's not worth it to try anymore.

i can't stress enough how much this show has resonated with me. Pomni and her friends have become my friends as well. they're faint sparks of hope in a hopeless world, even as they're suffering themselves. they remind me to find the light in my own "circus."

wellp. i've rambled enough.

i just… really wanna thank Gooseworx, the voice cast, and all of the TADC crew who've worked hard to bring The Amazing Digital Circus to life. what you're doing really means the world to a scared little jester like me. 💖

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/756016587973279744/httpswwwtumblrcomolderthannetfic755410324078

Honestly, while I'd be nicer about it, I agree flags are kind of cringe, or at least how seriously people take them is. It's really stupid seeing people treat flags like they're a really big deal. Other than the two rainbow flags, no one even recognizes most of them. Plus you only see them in people's icons online most of time so like... look away? Scroll? Curate your experience? It's not hard.

Also like above anon, I also definitely knew some people in college whose every outfit for a semester or two included pins and pride patches. It was definitely to get other people to know they were queer so they could talk about being queer. But they were always really new to knowing they were queer and they sort of... moved on sounds wrong because they're still queer, but they stopped doing that and stopped being all, "Have you heard about this sapphic movie?" "There's a bi character in this!" every conversation and went back to having more interests.

Meanwhile, I don't get why we're plastering them on everything in the first place. Like, should I be feeling affirmed or uplifted by pride shoelaces or pride socks or something? Is the pride pin supposed to make me feel happier, like how crystal mommies think rose quartz makes you happy? Are these colors here to do some color theory psychology thing? Because whatever I was supposed to get out of them, I've never gotten. I'm 32, 33 pretty soon, and I've never gotten this. I remember pins being a thing people were into in college, but even then I didn't get it. (And before anyone goes, "they're supposed to make you feel safer with your fellow queers and in the queer community", having been raped by a guy from the queer student club when I was in college because he 'knew' aroace black men didn't really exist and I must just be gay and in denial and he could fix me and, that, uh. That's not where my brain goes. Shit people can have any pin on their jacket, it's not a magic talisman that removes evil.)

I mask a lot as a neurodivergent person and I've always had to mask when I don't like something other people are hyped about because they get along with you better if you do. But whenever I see people on my dash oohing and aahing over pins or shoelaces or bracelets or hats I just reblog out of wanting to support the queer creators of whatever it is. I don't feel anything when I look at flag merch. It doesn't evoke anything in me. I know better than to say it doesn't because then you're suffering from internalized queerphobia or whatever but it's just... nothing, to me.

--

I haven't had any pins in decades and thought the rainbow ring necklaces were tacky back in the day, but honestly.

I own a sweatshirt from some botanical garden I supported once. And a college shirt. No sports team gear since I hate sports, but that wouldn't be weird either.

College students are frequently annoying about their new identities or political affiliations, but you are also being ridiculous. Humans like markers of identity of many types, including logos on clothing. This is just more of that.

[nyandaah]

I don't know how to articulate my thoughts on it consicely (as usual, hence why I rarely ever write posts here anymore), but ever since this week's dunmesh ep I can't stop thinking about That scene between toshiro and laios and how it's been talked about as a piece of representation of the neurodivergent struggle.

I've seen those panels countless times before the anime got to it, and I can't understate how Real of a thing it is that we're seeing through laios- that pain and frustration that comes from having the rug pulled under you in being told that been getting it Wrong the whole time and nobody's bothered to point out the donkey tail pinned on your ass.

but I think that's only the first half of the statement, and the way people talk (and don't talk) about toshiro does the moment a disservice.

seeing how people talk about it before getting to the scene itself, it ended up catching me off-guard how much of a Person toshiro is. he's always talked about as the strawman or the figure representing neurotypical society- the one that others us.

I see where it's all coming from, he's not a likeable character to most of the fandom for reasons I won't hold anyone against, but again- he's an important part of the picture that dunmesh paints of the nd struggle.

I find it absurd to portray toshiro as a representation of the 'average'. being both of royalty and of a culture that has instilled upon him his own values and expectations when it comes to socialization. it's why the inclusion of his retainers (especially maizuru) was a brilliant story decision; alongside laios', we get to see HIS social ineptitudes and how central they are to HIS character.

like. a major point of grievance many of the audience has with toshiro is his rose-tinted 'romance' with obviously-uninterested falin. I get it, especially if you've experienced that type of engagement with an unwanted pursuer. but dear lord if that doesn't perfectly parallel him with laios as a fellow Socially Inept Man.

it hit me as much as laios hit me when he said he envied our boy's sincerity. because that's a true and often less talked about part of the neurodivergent struggle(tm)- the difficulty to express your feelings. just like the other end of the spectrum, it hurts yourself as much as it hurts others.

as someone whose brain problems often manifest as social anxiety and feeling like i'm either unable to or unworthy of expressing how I feel, I envy laios too.

tl;dr- there are two characters present in that scene in episode 17.

[polyamorouspunk]

I know I said this before a few weeks ago but I love the Ice Nine Kills fandom. Ice Nine Kills isn’t like My Chemical Romance where 90% of the fan base is some flavor of queer. There are a lot of straight, cishet people in their 30s, 40s, 50s that post on the app… and I can make a post talking about how I don’t really have any interest in transitioning but sometimes I wish I was a guy and want to transition but going by he/him in person is scary for me and I worry about what to introduce myself as in person because using “Punk” as my name is scary to me IRL in an offline setting… and I’ll get the most basic looking cishet dads in my comments being like “You do you, we support you either way”. Like honestly the amount of support from the INK fandom from cishet people towards their fellow weird queer neurodivergent younger fans is so heartwarming.

[transmutationisms]

are there any books that you like/find useful that talk about the rise of the concept of neurodivergency? (or i guess the concept of nuerodivergency itself) ive been trying to find texts on it w a critical/antipsych angle but it's either autism parents or autobiographies by people who've never interacted w disabled theorists/activists 💔

i have not read this yet but i think robert chapman's 'empire of normality: neurodiversity and capitalism' is the sort of thing you're looking for. it came out recently, sounded interesting, haven't got to it yet lol.

i would, though, recommend this review essay by sam fellowes from 2017 that criticises the really annoying positivism and ahistorical analysis in both steve silberman's 'neurotribes' and donovan/zucker's 'in a different key'.

[alwaystuesday]

Ok so I have read a LOT of fanfic over the last few months. Extraordinary quantities. Embarrassing quantities. First thing I should say is THANK YOU to all those people out there letting us read your amazing work for absolutely free. Just unbelievable work everyone.

Also though, I’m reflecting on how therapeutic it has been. As someone with a combination of Aziraphale and Crowley traits and tendencies (more angel than demon on balance), you don’t actually get to read a lot about, or experience the perspective of, characters who aren’t your typical hero. Neurotic, anxious, neurodivergent, scared or depressed or traumatised, or simply trapped and unhappy, characters tend to be either secondary or played up in a rather comic sort of way. Or there one dimensionally to add some dark shading.

It’s been really refreshing to see character journeys for Azi and Crowley where they’re both some or all of these things, but portrayed with love and understanding. Where they’re valued for who they are by writer and fellow characters both - and, largely, manage to find happiness without changing who they are, but finding new ways to think or process (and fuck, admittedly).

This has definitely been helping me also spot and understand a few unhelpful tendencies of my own and find new ways to think about myself and the world.

And that’s really something. Not a lot of conventional literature has helped reshape neural pathways like that, for me at least.

Anyway… That’s all I had to say - thank you again. Thanks Neil obvs too for creating such fascinating characters for us to explore. Please do carry on, and I’ll keep on reading, so long as my brain keeps me in this gomens wormhole. Love you all.

[msviolacea]

So a thing that always bothers me when I see people on Tumblr mention CBT - Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, for all you fellow perverts out there - is that if you were told that CBT is about “thinking will make your problem go away” then you either had a shitty therapist (which is entirely likely) or you weren’t listening closely enough (which is also likely for all of us with different flavors of neurodivergence). 

I say this as someone who did CBT to only middling success - it wasn’t a cure-all, but it DID give me some tools that help in very specific aspects of my life. No, stopping and naming my sudden burst of rage or sadness or hopelessness as PMDD or a depressive episode does not make that burst go away. But after doing it for a while, it makes it easier to DEAL with that burst. Reminding myself of that makes it easier to not take it out on someone else, to successfully tell myself “this isn’t someone else’s problem, it will pass soon, it always does, being an asshole about it only makes it worse.” I still feel absolutely shitty, but thanks to that self-training I feel less shitty on the back end than I otherwise would.

When my brain tells me I’m worthless, CBT taught me to immediately follow up by asking “would anyone I care about say that about me?” Does it mean the worthlessness completely disappears? No, but it can function like a rope tying me to reality so I can ride the shitty terrible thoughts out to the other side without doing anything stupid. Sometimes the rope is sturdy. Sometimes it’s embroidery floss. But any tether is better than none at all. 

Does it always work? No. But it works often enough that learning some CBT methods was worth it for me. Knowing what the problem is doesn’t negate the problem. It just reminds me that controlling how I behave when it occurs will make life better for me in the long run. I still need the drugs. I still have other coping mechanisms. That’s just one of them. 

That’s why Behavioral is in the title. CBT isn’t for everyone, and it’s not going to work on every issue. But it can be useful tool in your “deal with my mental illness and/or neurodivergence” toolbox. It’s not a scam. It’s not just pseudo-science bullshit. It’s just training yourself to remember that even if you can’t control the pain, you can control how you react to it, and that control can be a gift to yourself. 

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for cooking non-kosher food on purpose so that my Jewish roommate can't eat any of it?

For reference we're all in our 20s, and all some level of neurodivergent.

So I live with a few other people, and for the most part it's been chill so far. The only real problem I've had is with one of my roommates, we'll call them C. C was very sheltered as a kid, and we helped him move in with us mostly so that we could help him get out of a bad situation. The trouble is that because of the aforementioned sheltering he has a very bad habit of stepping on people's toes. He's loud when other people are sleeping, he spent the better part of our first year living together trying to avoid paying for rent or utilities, and he tends to dominate a conversation whenever he joins by doing the typical "wait for you to finish so I can say what I care about" shtick.

Well, we've had a recurring problem with C being grabby about other people's food. When we first moved in together he was constantly taking other people's groceries and using them for himself without asking, and not just small stuff, but like using my noodles, my sauce, and my meat to make spaghetti or something of the like. We all buy groceries separately except for a few core things that we all use like milk, eggs, flour, etc, so he was basically taking this stuff for free.

None of us are wealthy, we're all working retail and food service jobs, so it's not like it was a small blow to be losing food like that.

Well we discussed that and he's stopped, thankfully, but now he tries to like...beg for scraps? If you cook ANYTHING or are even in the kitchen, he'll come around and ask if it's "just for you, or for everyone". Understandably, this gets very annoying. My thing is that if you want to eat food I've made, you should contribute. Either by helping pay for ingredients or doing the dishes, or something like that. Basically, if you want to eat, help out. C never wants to help out or contribute to ingredients. Plus, if you tell him no, he'll whine about it? Like if you say that he can't have some of whatever you're cooking he'll be like "That food smells so good, even though you won't let me have any."

On the other hand, I know that C doesn't have a lot of money, and I would never want anyone to go hungry. But he won't use the communal stuff to cook himself anything, he'll just complain about not having a lot of money. I've tried to yelp him get more hours at the job we share, but he's unwilling to work certain shifts so there's a limit on how much I can do.

Anyways, to get to the point, sometimes I make dishes specifically with pork or other non-kosher ingredients so that he won't be able to constantly ask for some. I would never intentionally let him eat anything non kosher, and label all the foods I make for everyone so that he can check the ingredients and see if it's something he can have. I just don't want to be a jerk I guess, because I know that the economy is god-awful and believe strongly in helping your fellow man.

So, AITA?

What are these acronyms?

[shiftingwitholive]

i need to stop making new drs.... but fuck it, history teacher DR

(i want to see if i would emjoy being a teacher because it's one of the careers i've considered, and many people have told me that i'm actually pretty good at explaining history to them)

living in a smallish town and teaching about my favorite things and making things a bit less boring for the students, turning up to a lesson and saying "i know you were supposed to have a test but i got a new subject i'm really interested in over the weekend so we can either do the assessment or i can teach you all about clara bow", and ofc i'm scripting in my bf because he is there for every DR, havent decided whether he works at school or if he does something else yet, letting students come to my room at lunch to talk about history and being a safe space for the fellow neurodivergent students who can't deal with the rest of school at times,going on trips to museums and getting let in on all of the teacher gossip.

(as usual this is a very aestheticised version of the reality of being a teacher! in real life it would not be this easy and fun all the time and there would be boring things like marking and meetings and the like, i'm just scripting that i get to do the things i enjoy and have a fun time!)

[respectthepetty]

as a major fan of your Thai BL list, I shall now ask about your Korean BLs! 🤩

I think I can actually trust you 😌😌

Anon Two, thanks for tag-teaming this with the previous Anon, so y'all could squeeze another list out of me. To recap, I've already given y'all:

Top GMMTV Actors

Top GMMTV Pairs

Top Five Taiwanese BLs

Top Ten Thai BLs

So what's one more? @lachikapercebe also asked for this list, but requested only my top five; however, since I already started the list without a specific target number from Anon Two, and Korea gives some of the best confessions in the genre mixed with color coding, I can't reduce the list now. It's too late for me to trim it. I am attached to each pick. They are my children, and I can't desert them, so . . .

Top Ten Korean BLs

Rising Star - Love Tractor

I don't trust Korean BLs. A majority are too short, so either the beginning is confusing or the ending is flat, but unless Love Tractor completely fumbles the second half (which it could because . . . Korea), this will be a yearly top and even possibly an overall top for its country and all BLs. It's that good to me. It's hitting all the normal K-drama notes while being oh-so-very-gay. And as a rural queer, it pleases my soul to see country life presented in such a kind and beautiful way.

#10 - Roommates of Poongduck 304

Mr. Petty Peter Jae Yoon independently earned a spot on this list. Ho Joon was a jerk and a true nemesis when the show began, but Jae Yoon started effing up Ho Joon's home life the more Ho Joon kept messing up his work life, so it was a beautiful tit-for-tat the first few episodes; then, Ho Joon lost focus and wanted a consensual workplace relationship. His father appreciating his new attitude and rejection of his ladies' man ways was a delight to witness since we all knew it was due to him falling in love with a man. And oh boy did he fall in love. That entire conversation of Jae Yoon saying it's impossible for two men to fall in love, only for Ho Joon to respond that it was impossible for him NOT to fall in love with Jae Yoon is a top tier confession for me.

#9 - Blueming

I have issues with Blueming solely due to its ending because I was just as pissed as Siwon was at Daun. Maybe even more so. All was going well; then, the end of episode nine pulled a Thai episode eleven, and DAUN TOLD HIS MOM TO PICK THE FILM! I understand men in love do dumb shit, but that was a bold choice, and a very, very, VERY wrong one. As the youths say, "that was not the move." However, the cinematography was delicious like their silhouettes with that bewitching blue backdrop and their first kiss was realistic. Pretty kisses are cool and all, but the awkwardness of desperately wanting someone yet not knowing how to physically perform is true to many people's experiences and should be spotlighted more.

#8 - Choco Milk Shake

I only trust two entities with poly: Thai director Jojo, and Korea's Strongberry, so the fact that Strongberry did not give me poly when it was so clearly laid out is the reason this show isn't in the top three. It had a supernatural plot, great characters who were all well cast, and a happy ending, so WHY NOT POLY? I don't care if the rest of the world is ready or not. I'M READY! We are getting a second season, so if I if get a kiss AND a vocal acknowledgement of Milk and Choco's love for each other when their love for Jung Woo was well established in season one, this will cement its place in my heart and on this list forever.

#7 - Light on Me

Sixteen episodes with most running about thirty minutes?! A love triangle where I could root for both love interests?! A straight boy who earned his spot at the queer table?! Light on Me had it all and then some! Looking at my various lists, it's clear I am not fond of high school dramas, yet I was seated twice a week to see how our neurodivergent baby boy, Tae Kyung, fared that week in his adventure through social norms and annoyances, like trying to help a fellow peer by giving him back the dildo he dropped in the hallway, but getting yelled at instead. I was not Team Shin Woo until that cellphone confession, and then all I could see was Shin Woo. I'm telling y'all, Korea understands how to confess its unwavering love. Gets me every time!

#6 - The New Employee

As the BL fandom continues to evolve and expand, we will get more BLs geared toward adults and workplace dramas, but hopefully, they take the approach that The New Employee (and Thailand's Step by Step) did and make the work environment part of the drama. Working adults, sadly, spend a majority of their time at work, so finding love at one's job seems reasonable, but if anyone has experienced coworkers breaking up, that shit can get rough, real quick. So having to navigate a relationship with someone you work with, especially someone of a higher authority position, ON TOP OF being queer can be stressful, and is something I want more BLs to explore. There are levels to being out, and for most queers, being out at the job is not a possibility, but finding love anywhere is always a possibility, particularly for our late 20-something virgins.

#5 - Semantic Error

The fact that this came out in 2022 is beyond my understanding only because it seems like I have appreciated it for at least five years. This has become a comfort watch when it first started as a "nothing else is on" watch. I have never cared so much about honorifics in my life as I did watching the slow transition of Sang Woo’s emotional walls crumbling under Jae Young’s affection through language. As much as I hated the idea of forced collaboration (aka group projects), seeing the way Jae Young squirmed his way into Sang Woo’s every waking thought and had him seeing red to the point that Sang Woo was saving screenshots of Jae Young’s Instagram posts was a delight and one of the major reasons I keep returning to it. But the layered confession about Sang Woo finding Jae Young, a man, attractive which lead to Jae Young's countdown kiss is, once again, the reason Korean BLs win in the confession department.

#4 - The Eighth Sense

I'm still really bothered by some of the discourse that came out of this show about how it was better than everything else ever because the comments were reductive about the BL genre, yet some of the comments resonated with elements I loved about the series, mainly its look at mental health and trauma. It was a beautiful show, but the message it carried throughout about depression being isolating and taking the light out of people's lives hit me in a way that if this was the Thai list, I would have left it off because it felt like a personal attack. Wanting someone to save you from yourself, but terrified to drag them down with you was not the plot I wanted, but was the story a lot of us needed to see. We also needed to witness someone actively going to therapy. Let's continue this trend!

#3 - Our Dating Sim

"Have you been well . . . without me?" - Put this on my tombstone because I died and came back to life from this utterance alone. Episode four was already killing me, but once Eddy snapped and allowed all his emotions to spill out in front of Ian, the show came for all my past lives and future ones too. Deceased. I wrote this about the show while it was airing, but no other show has done the leave-him-because-I-love-him plot as well as Our Dating Sim. This show nailed it then made a billboard to boast about it because it was perfection. Ian's reasons for leaving were valid, but the show really shined by allowing Eddy to voice his anger at being ghosted for seven years by his best friend and someone he loved. It even touched on the trust issues that stem from someone saying he loves you only to abandon you. Just know I have NOT been well since this ended.

#2 - To My Star 1 & 2

The first season was almost perfect. The cat/dog energy, the "If it's hard for you, I'll come to you" confession, and the budding kink of Ji Woo kissing a tiny bloody wound on Seo Joon all served in a quick nine episodes gave me everything I needed, so I thought this would be my #1 the second season two was announced, but understand the sequel hurt me. The foundation was great: everyone came back, it had more episodes, the episodes were longer, and the conflict always existed in the first series, so a last-minute twist wasn’t invented. Yet, every single episode hurt. Much like I Told Sunset About You, it was realistic to the point that I expected it to end with pain. If season two was its own show and not a sequel to one of my favorites, it would have ranked higher because it was beautiful, but knowing the magic the first series possessed, and having to be a bystander to all the angst for EVERY EPISODE WITH NO RELIEF was tough. But, somehow, here I am secretly hoping we get blessed with a third series. That’s the power of the Star.

#1 - Long Time No See

Small flex - I've been involved with an international queer film festival for over a decade. I've seen easily over 1,000 pieces of queer media including feature films, short films, and documentaries through the screening process, which only adds to my always growing personal watched list. Long Time No See was one of those films. It didn't make it into the festival because I think it was already available on a streaming platform (maybe?), but it was a top for me then, and it's still a top for me now. Is it a BL? Not really. Is it a show? No, it's more like a two-part movie. So why am I allowing it to reign at the top of this list? BECAUSE IT IS AMAZING! In 2017, we were still getting the bury your gays trope shoved down our throats, so a film about two assassins getting a happy ending was a miracle. I read comments from some who did not like the portrayal of "toxic love" but were probably fine with Mr. and Mrs. Smith beating each other with cooking utensils for all the world's children to see, so God forbid, the queers do anything like want to kill AND fuck each other. Niña, Pinta, and Santa María, LET THE GAYS DO CRIMES TOO! Oh, and it's Strongberry, so because of this film - In Strongberry I trust.

[sillyslayer6]

genshin fandom are HEAVILY sleeping on audhd ajax childe tartaglia

(headcanons in the read more!)

i meaaaan;

stimming - he likes making stuff out of water and fidgeting with them, especially if he's bored; spinning water weapons (like he does in one of his idle animations), making little water creatures (he probably makes them fight), mimicking things around him/in his mind out of water - he messes with his cape as a stim (like in that other idle animation) - him just repeating something just because he likes saying it, like 'coco goat' or some word zhongli taught him impulsivity - THE most impulsive guy ever - impulsive to the point where he'll just throw himself into danger because he has free will - will see some big horrifying monster, think 'i wonder if i could take that' (in a fight), then will attack unless someone stops him - constantly gets himself into trouble because he reacts before he thinks - i headcanon that him using foul legacy against the traveler was him genuinely losing his shit and wasn't planned

(and he probably just laid on the roof of the golden house like 'owww ouagh owww' until the battle with osial was done... also zhongli was watching liyue defend itself on a nearby mountain, like how a worried mother might watch her kids cook for the first time, and just happened to see the orange cat on the roof) hyperactivity - has a brain that never stops - ultra instincts adhd, like rick riordan says - if he ever stops moving, he'll die - complains if he has to stay still - probably fidgets non-stop - the tsaritsa is an ally and has plenty of random crap to fiddle with on harbinger coats socializing - canonically the odd one out among his peers (granted, his peers are all scheming goth people) - i swear he (canonically) constantly misses social cues and takes things literally... - he misses social cues more than he misses crits - blunt and straightforward, and prefers that way of communicating - headcanon that zhongli lying to him actually hurt his feelings and his reaction was genuine... (and that reaction is a little too relatable, as someone who's neurodivergent... 😔🤨) - this is probably an english-only thing, but his little 'haha' in stressful circumstances is him masking/coping with the situation and doing a brain reset, or just his default 'how the fuck am i meant to react to that' response (citation: I DO THAT!!) - somehow masks and unmasks at the same time, like how he's wearing his literal mask on his head - will just come out with the most profound and deep truths, this jumpscares people (especially ones who think he's a total dumbass) - childe unmasking is just him with no expression, doing things in almost complete silence, even before the abyss he brought the vibe to the function that neurotypicals hate - ^ he'll never unmask around his fellow harbingers because he doesn't like them but also he likes annoying them hyperfixations/special interests - easy 'he's obsessed with battle' connection, c'mannn - and easy 'he's got an interest in weaponry', duhhhh - but imagine him just being able to identify any fish, too. - hyperfixated on liyue history, cuisine and culture during his stay there, probably kept getting zhongli to talk about whatever he was hyperfixating on that week (btw zhongli's autistic too, it's because he's hot, sorry i don't make the rules) - picks up 1 million hobbies and hyperfixates on them either for a week or until he's mastered them (the one week ones get shelved until he masters them) nerfed by celestia, AKA idk what to title this section - i just can't see childe being able to sit there and finish paperwork like a regular guy - northland bank managers fear him (he hands in paperwork one minute before the deadline) - pulcinella probably handles his important harbinger documents because childe lost too many of them - exchanged his quick moving and dodging in battle for a weekly sacrifice (he trips over something or breaks things through clumsiness; him and lynette are comrades in arms for breaking machines) - his sleep schedule is that he doesn't have one - he turns into some hunter-gatherer eater, unless someone with a normal routine is around, then he follows them and has regular meals at regular times (as opposed to him cooking borscht at 11AM

[a-really-big-cat]

I feel as though I see this sentiment more, with a lot of ambiguity about whether people are taking it seriously or not, and I should urge fellow autists against it:

We are not really fae folk.

We are not really changelings.

We are not aliens either.

Like, I get it, it's a fun metaphor and thought exercise, and a fascinating look into past neurodivergent culture. I too find the idea intriguing (to an extent). But I legit get concerned that many people are taking it too far and actually trying to seriously identify as "non-human". Maybe this is (ironically enough) me being autistic and taking online jokes as being unironic statements, but it is legit concerning.

This is a dangerous narrative to lean into for autistic culture. Do you know how many eugenicists and ableists there are in the present day who would love to take advantage of a narrative that we don't count as human? Do you know how many charismatic ideologues might realize that the whole esoteric "faery child/supernatural being" aesthetic is ripe ground for starting their own abusive cults, recruiting disadvantaged and neglected autistic people who want to have a supportive community and think they're "too smart" to fall for manipulation tactics like that because they're "independent free spirits"? Do you know how many neglectful parents would love to blame supernatural entities for their child's behaviour so that they don't have to get their child a proper diagnosis and the actual help they need, or that would deflect by saying "my child doesn't need help, he/she's just a special ✨faery child✨"? We already went through the indigo children and vaccine junk, we really don't need yet another supernaturalization/pseudosciencing of autism to set us back further.

We are rational human beings like everyone else, just with unique experiences of life's various stimuli, unique ways of communicating, and unique neural anatomy, all of which means that we sometimes need some support and understanding. And that's how we ought to be treated.

[bokutos-last-brain-cell]

Hii I absolutely love your bakk ajr series so much!! I love reading fics where bokuto has adhd and you write it with so much care and love. Your fic series is so beautiful and the hurt/comfort is so good!!

I'm sunshinebokuto btw, this is a sideblog so I didn't want it to get confusing since tumblr doesn't let you send send asks from sideblogs hence the anon ajdhdkd I just wanted to say that I saw your tags on my bokuto post and went "wait bakk ajr series?? I remember that!!" ajdhdj it was a nice surprise and it'd be so exciting if you decide to write that in the series!! No pressure or anything at all I just thought I'd let you know that I really love your series <3

OMG wait, you’re one of my readers? That is so cool, what a weird little bit of serendipity that I stumbled across your post!! (Though it does make sense as a fellow Bokuto lover)

Thank you so much for the kind words about my writing in that series, it’s one that specifically holds a very dear place in my heart as a neurodivergent person!

I have been meaning to continue working on the series, I already have multiple WIPs going even, but the reason I haven’t gotten to upload another part to it is because I’ve been running into a couple roadblocks that I can’t seem to figure out, largely due to continuity.

(You don’t necessarily have to read this next paragraph, it’s partially me voicing my thoughts out loud as I ruminate on things, though if anyone has some input on it, I’d love to hear what y’all think) The main one is that I realized about a year and a half ago that alongside being ADHD, I’m also autistic, and it occurred to me that I’ve unknowingly also been writing Bokuto as autistic as a result, but I haven’t included anything about him being autistic in the narrative and introspection of the stories. With the timeline of the main events of the series, he’s already established in his career, but what made me realize that I’m autistic is how much I was struggling with the massive change in routine of living away from home for my last two years of university. Maybe I’m overthinking this and just getting in my own head about it and it really isn’t that complicated but part of me is wondering if it’s too late to incorporate him being autistic??? I want to have his realization be due to the same circumstances but even though I’ve included things into the other stories that allude to him also being autistic, I don’t know if it’d mess with the continuity. Granted, most of the neurodivergent-specific things I’ve touched on in the series have been ADHD-related but Idk if there’s an organic way to just slot in him being autistic too

Either way, I do hope to get to writing more for the series and there’s already a couple I can think of where I could include that little detail you mentioned in your post, so that’s absolutely going to be in the series if I have anything to say about it (And I do, because I’m the author :D)! Thank you once again for the sweet comments, I love hearing from the people who read and enjoy my stories!!