#this is my new addiction
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going through my old journals as part of therapy homework and i'm reading a section written in the emotional wreckage of a full-on breakdown when i get hit with this line:
There is never a satisfying answer to ‘Why didn’t they love me?’
like wow babe. good fucking point
#like you were on the ground biting the carpet and dry sobbing while you wrote that and still. good fucking point#not a shitpost#cptsd#and it's true. there's never a satisfying answer#the truth is i know why i wasn't loved#i analyzed my parent's traumas and abuse to death. i understand why i alienated and was alienated from my siblings#i know why my mom was too overwhelmed to be capable of nurturing#i know why my dad vanished into addiction and avoidance#the details of our cycles of trauma and cptsd and family history i have a phd in all of it#i understood perfectly. i spent years studying and now i knew the answer#and guess what? IT WAS NOT SATISFYING!!!#because they still didn't love me! and i still couldn't change that!#it was still a completely unsatisfying state of affairs!#so like. when the people who are supposed to love you...don't.#when the people who are supposed to take care of you...fail to#you can look for answers and reasons and explanations#but that's not actually going to FIX your situation.#and it's probably not within your ability TO fix the situation. (and definitely not your job)#because you don't need answers--you need a new situation#*inserts Just Walk Out. You Can Leave!!! (Running Skeleton) Meme*#and yes. walking out isn't always possible.#but for you i hope it will be one day soon. and i hope you build the courage to take that leap.#stepping away from the people who failed to love you...it feels like being untethered but also like being lighter than air#new and scary. immensely relieving. the future opens up. empty but empty like a canvas. blindingly bright until your eyes adjust#like climbing out of a pit you called home and for the first time realizing how bright the light of day can truly be#when you aren't just getting glimpses from the bottom of a hole
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i feel like i never draw tim smiling but bb robin tim smiles a lot! (in between angst and tragedy)
brought to you by my continued attempts at figuring out tim’s early robin hair
#dc#sart#tim drake#he’s got smug cat energy and i love him#most of these are referencing moments from tim’s earlier appearances which i /tried/ to track down but they’re like scattered across#like 4 different series and bleh#’tec 365-367 does have Batman and robin fight a villain thru the power of Tim’s mad gaming skills while Jim Gordon gets addicted to video#games in the background#ringing in the new year w my boy 😤#I started this a while ago but got stuck in anatomy hell#are u really an artist if u’ve never stripped downt to ur underwear so u can stand in front of a big mirror#and stare furiously at ur own joints
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Was watching JESawyer's youtube channel, I was like 'Wow, he looks like Arcade here, like REALLY. Hair style and glasses shape et al.'. So I spent stupid amount of time drawing this while listening to his view on game design....
#fallout new vegas#arcade gannon#courier six#fnv#can you rule mojave as a psycho addict? of course. my every playthrough basically.
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I own 8 whole spices (all of which I stole but that's not relevant) I am living a real adult life here folks! I have 3 saucepans of varying sizes!
#its the best feeling to fing a new kitchen appliance for free#i just found a waffle iron on the street today#this is my new addiction
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#I need to stop starting new stories and sit on my damn butt and just sprint to the god damn finish line#🦊#Why are WIPS so addicting?#It's a curse and a blessing#writing#writing memes#writing problems#on writing#writeblr#writers on tumblr#meme#writer#writerscommunity#writer stuff#fanfic writer#ao3 writer#memes and shitposts#writer memes#writing struggles#writing woes#tumblr writers#tumblr writing community#fanfiction memes#fanfic writing#fanfic meme#we are all clowns
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Look how far I went, for fear of losing you.
#they’re my roman empire#and hell bent isn’t just an episode it’s the breaking point the emotional explosion#It’s where everything gets flipped upside down when it comes to love sacrifice and pushing moral boundaries#It’s the Doctor at his most vulnerable and powerful like at the same time#he’s not just some space traveler anymore he’s a person torn apart by his own contradictions battling his nature his past traumas#his fight with himself with Gallifrey with a world that doesn’t get his pain – it’s a cry of despair straight from his soul#and that cry? It’s all because of her#the Doctor’s ready to go to any extreme step over all the moral lines he used to stand for#It’s about keeping her alive#It’s scary and mesmerizing at the same time#his love isn’t romantic in the normal way it’s more like a raging storm capable of anything to keep the person he loves safe from harm#It’s not a calm harbor it’s a hurricane tearing everything in its path#every move he makes every time he tries to touch her to hold her to protect Clara it’s soaked in this crazy all-consuming love#he’s almost obsessed with it like he’s ready to rewrite reality break every law possible just so she stays alive#and it’s not just about being attached it’s an addiction fueled by the pain of loss and the fear of feeling that pain again#he’s lost and found himself in that pain#doctor who#12th doctor#twelfth doctor#twelve#hell bent#new who#dwgifs#dr who#the doctor#nuwho#clara oswald#whouffaldi#dw#peter capaldi
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𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐋𝐔𝐖𝐈𝐒 𝐀𝐒 𝐀𝐗𝐄𝐋 𝐊𝐎𝐕𝐀𝐂𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐂 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐎𝐔𝐒𝐄𝐑 𝐀𝐒 𝐒𝐀𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐇𝐀 𝐋𝐀𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐒𝐎
sam and axel first eye contact. cobra kai 6.07.
#samantha larusso#cobra kai#ckedit#mary mouser#cobrakaiedit#axel kovacevic#patrick luwis#ck gifs#ck spoilers#ck season 6 episode 7#sorry this is my new addiction#◟ ⋆ out › cali gifs.
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blub blub
#my art#homestuck#homestuck fanart#eridan ampora#eridan homestuck#i need to stop drawing them and actually Continue Reading but im addicted to new character designs#orca tail because. apex predator haha
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This Week in BL - Lots of lovely kisses & an unwarranted upset in the standings
Organized, in each category, with ones I'm enjoying most at the top.
Oct 2024 Week 2
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Ongoing Series - Thai
Fourever You (Thai Thurs YT) ep 2 of 16 - Yes yes J&J should be first but I am weak in the face of, well, frankly this man's face:
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Pond = greatest piner in a dog’s age. The yearning in that boy’s eyes is obscene, it’s like the most explicit sex that only he can see and we’re just voyeurs.
Thus I continue to adore this stupid show and everything it stands for. No notes. May the fluff continue eternal.
Jack & Joker (Thai Mon IQIYI) ep 5 of 12 - Everyone is so skilled in this show, but War is truly glorious. Considering the pacing, I think we are probably in for some long periods of darkness, suffering, and pain soon. I’m not mad about that prospect, it’s earned and foreshadowed, I just thought I’d lay it out there.
Kidnap (Fri YT) ep 6 of 12 - More boys from GMMTV with good communication. Who knew? Min has SUCH a white knight complex. NO SINGING. Good demanding kiss, though. Well, Ohm can handle anything.
Meanwhile, this really is a bodyguard romance under another name. And I kinda wanna rewatch Never Let Me Go as a result.
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Love Sick 2024 (Thai Sun iQIYI) ep 4 of 15 - Earn remains best boy and my favorite character. Phun is v jelly, as he should be. AND I like Ohm & N'Mik better in this version. I still prefer the original leads, but I’m enjoying this enough.
I had no idea how much I missed Gunsmile! It’s so nice to see him on my screen again.
Monster Next Door (Thai Thurs Gaga ) ep 12 fin - I hate Diew’s mom. Hate her. So much. She may be my least favorite mom ever in BL. That’s saying a lot. No I don’t think she was redeemed.
Conclusion
Adapted from the novel Godzilla Next Door by Jiwinil about an introvert who lives mostly in his room, until a loud annoying extrovert moves in next door. This was one of my top picks for 2024 and I’m delighted to say it satisfied expectations. A charmingly serene story of opposites attract, that featured good communication, patience, and genuine affection used to build a solid relationship.(I’m particularly delighted that our musician is a drummer and I don’t have to listen to him sing.) Yes it’s a tad slow but it’s very earnest and leans into the kind of sweetness that Thai BL does best. Doesn’t hurt that this starred an actor (Big) that many of us have been hoping would get a lead for years. I was pleased and comforted. This is not a kind of BL that suits everybody, but it suited me admirably. 8/10
Battle of the Writers (Sun YT) ep 10 of 12 - Ozone and the Ice Prince (name still unknown) did their little dance. What an earnest and romantic confession from our Icy man. I literally said “no no no just kiss, no foreheads.” And it was a great crying kiss, my favorite. Honestly, that amount of emotion hadn’t been earned by this pair, but I don’t mind. I could watch a whole show just about them. Also woah! Major nekid on YT?
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Thailand......
Risking demonetization for arse…...
I guess we’ve all been there.
Where was I?
I’m happy with this episode since it was mostly my side couple. But the distribution of main couple and side couple and the focus of each episode is wildly erratic with this show. It’s very odd. (And let's be clear we ordered errotic not erratic.)
Every You Every Me (Thai Mon Gaga) ep 1 of 10 - Jade and Chin have lived over a thousand lifetimes. In each one they somehow manage to fall in love with each other. (This pair, TopMick was piloted in a My Universe ep, that was one of the only ones I liked.) Soulmate premise is a mix of Color Rush and La Pluie. Frankly, this isn’t as good as either, but it’s enjoyable in a slow cheerful way. Especially if you like this particular set of tropes. It’s quietly lovely and I like the leads. Sunshine is very very sunshine and our tsundere is a grumpy mysterious nerd. Trigger for domestic abuse. It looks like each episode is gonna be a completely different meet cute with the same pairing. It’s more linked vignettes than any overarching story. So if you don’t like this pair, you won’t like this series.
Addicted Heroin (Thai Tues WeTV) ep 9 of 10 - More sports day. (Everybody’s doing sports days right now.) Random sides kissing. Where did the glasses person come from? Was he introduced and I forgot about it? Oh that’s the evil cousin! Okay… anygay. Sides randomly flip-flop who they like and I don’t know what the fuck is going on. This show. I swear. Ooo caught kissing. And… killed? What a mind fuck of a soap opera. Honestly, I’m fine if he’s dead, I don’t care at this point I just feel jerked around.
For some reason no eng sub for me for the first half. So I watched with Spanish subs (which is about as good as my Thai, only for different words). What a wild experience.
Bad Guy My Boss (Thai Sun Gaga) ep 4 of 10 - Oh dear. I just can’t imagine ever rooting for this couple. Which means… Why am I watching this?
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Ongoing Series - Not Thai
My Damn Business (Korea Sat YT) eps 1-2 of 7 - Oh I love it. Casual flirty westernized-style boss. Reserved reluctant cutie (yes we’ve seen the actor before). Is it disgusting workplace harassment? Oh most certainly. Do I enjoy it anyway? Yep, I’m warped. No defense, but at least it’s something from Korea.
Teenager Judge (Vietnam Sat YT) ep 3 of ? - I like the lead being bullied and pushed to his limit thus turning into a psychopath. It’s gonna be a fun ride if it really goes Devil Judge just teens and actually gay. I wonder if it has the strength of its convictions?
Our Golden Times (Hong Kong YT) 5 fin? - I guess that is the reunion? What an odd little piece. I’m not entirely sure what I feel about it except that this feels more BL than anything Hong Kong has given us so far (which isn't much). The subs are truly terrible. Since I speak absolutely zero Cantonese I can’t really fix them in my brain. I thought this was the final ep but then a teaser for ep 6 dropped so I we have at least one more.
First Note Of Love (Taiwan Mon Gaga) ep 10 of 12 - It was a nice, if entirely unearned reunion. And the leads do kiss beautifully. Trust Taiwan. I am so glad that Orca is back! There was even a little language play flip-flopping just for me. Very cute. Also GREAT kissing. How long have we been waiting for Thailand and Taiwan to kiss?
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Eccentric Romance (Korea Weds Viki) eps 1-2 of 12 - Silkwood’s 2nd Thai/Korean colab. This has been in production since 2022 which is a LONG time in the BL world (worrying). But I like the concept: friends of 10 years who’ve been hiding feelings for each other enter the same university. Plus MURDER. Stars Yoon Jun Won (The Man BLK) and Thai actor Save Saisawat (Ai Long Nhai). I begin to think every The Man BLK member will eventually lead out a BL at this point.
It’s enjoyable in a weird way. Grumpy (hottie with a crush) + sunshine (captain oblivious). I gotta say, since this is the second relationship dual lingo style in our BL rn that it’s ALWAYS weird if the other half doesn't occasionally code switch languages, especially for specific words. In other words, the Korean dude is supposed to at least understand Thai, occasionally he’s should use a Thai world to get a point across. And the Thai dude is there to STUDY KOREAN, he should be slipping in and out of Korean regularly. Bah.
It's airing but...
Love is Like a Poison AKA Doku Koi: Doku mo Sugireba Koi to Naru (Japan Tues Netflix?) 5 of 10 eps - I never managed to get hold of ep 5. Frankly, it’s going to Netflix (I don’t subscribe) so I might not finish this out of sheer laziness.
The Hidden Moon (Sat WeTV) ep 1 of 10 - This is a supernatural romance (my ghost boyfriend trope) by Violet Rain (I Feel You Linger). A man is hired to write an article about an old mansion in Chiang Mai being converted into a café. He sees the ghosts of people who died at the mansion, falls in love with one of them. Was substantially recast. I loved IFYLITA except the ending so I think I'll let this one run it's course you can tell me if it's work tracking down... if they managed to land it. I have my doubts.
Gangster and His Boyfriend (Korea ????) 8 eps? - was supposed to air 10/10 Kim Dong Bin (famous trainee & idol reality competitor, yeah that happens) stars as a fallen idol who unexpectedly becomes entangled in a gangster family. Discovers that his friend’s father is responsible for the murder of his entire family years ago. I don't know much about this one, neither does anyone else and I'm not sure where I got that release date so……
Next Week Looks Like This:
Upcoming BLs for 2024 are listed here. This list is not kept updated, so please leave a comment if you know something new or RP with additions.
Still Coming Oct 2024:
10/17 Let Free the Curse of Taekwondo (Korea Thurs Gaga) 8 eps - High school student Do Hoe lives with his violent and brutal father who runs a Taekwondo gym in a rural area. One day, cheerful Ju Young arrives, he dreams of going to college for Taekwondo. Joy begins to fill Do Hoe's dark life. An unexpected incident forces them apart, they reunite ten years later.
10/21 Love in the Big City (Korea ????) 8 eps - Okay, this is both a movie (already out) and a series. Neither one is likely BL and I can't imagine it will end happily. I'm giving both a pass but here's your synopsis.
Cynical fun loving student Young pinballs from home, to class, to on night stands. He and Jaehee, his female besie and roommate, frequent nearby bars where they push away their worries about life, love, and money with soju and hookups.
10/23 See Your Love (Taiwan Weds Gaga & Viki) 10 eps? - Zi Xiong, a third-generation heir, attempting to flee from taking over their family business, meets and falls in love with Shao Peng, who works as a hearing-impaired nurse. From the same production house as Kiseki Dear To Me in partnership with Shinehouse Theatre, funded by Taiwan’s BIGART + Japan's Rakuten (Viki). Show includes Lin Chia Yo (Be Loved in House: I Do). Director Chiang Ping Chen’s childhood experiences with his deaf uncle have inspired the drama.
THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS
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Addicted Heroin
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Incidentally he didn’t ask to “be with Ter” he asked if he could flirt/court him. jeeb doesn’t really have a direct translation, but it isn’t “be with.”
Fourever You
The tag BLigade: @doorajar @solitaryandwandering @my-rose-tinted-glasses @babymbbatinygirl @babymbbatinygirl @isisanna-blog @mmastertheone @pickletrip @aliceisathome @urikawa-miyuki @tokillamonger @sunflower-positiiivity @rocketturtle4 @blglplus @anythinggoesintheshire @everlightly @renafire @mestizashinrin @bl-bam-beyond @small-dark-and-delicious @saezurumurmurs
Sigh, Tumblr in its infinite wisdom doesn't like too many at-ings.
#this week in BL#BL updates#Jack & Joker#Jack and Joker#Addicted Heroin#fourever you#Battle of the Writers#Monster Next Door review#Eccentric Romance#First Note of Love#Teenage Judge#Kidnap the series#Love Sick 2024#Bad Guy My Boss#Every You Every Me#My Damn Business#Our Golden Times#upcoming BL#BL news#BL reviews#BL gossip#Thai BL#Vietnamese BL#Japanese BL#live action yaoi#Koren BL#BL starting soon#BL coming soon#new BL#hong kong BL
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absolutely obsessed with gemini Donnie's piercings! They suit him so much! and i bet theyre fun to draw too!
you also mentioned tattoos! what kind do you think he would get? like what kind of designs and where?
Ah thank you! ; w ; I just think they're fun <;3 he deserves piercings... And yeee he has quite a few tattoos as well that he builds up over the years--
both his arms host meticulously planned, carefully considered, personal and meaningful full-sleeve pieces that were done professionally by sorrelshine's older sister, leafwhistle (she's the one who pierced donnie's eyebrow in that comic!)
his legs are where everything else goes. there are dozens of different pieces patchworked all over-- some done by leafwhistle, some by other artists, some by sorrelshine (who is not a professional, let it be known, but knows how to use a tattoo gun!), some even done by himself. he let leo do one once. mikey has done several. there's everything from stick-and-poke stars to little grayscale robots to brightly colored flowers down here, and he'll shove new things wherever they'll fit whenever he feels the urge.
[ gemini au ]
#“new tattoo” is the answer for a lot of things during donnie's young adulthood#celebrating something? get a tattoo about it#unpacking some Heavy Trauma? get a tattoo about it#feeling anxious and restless and like you need to do something with your hands? get a tattoo about it#depressed and struggling and need a pick-me-up of some kind? get a tattoo about it#bored???? get a tattoo about it--#donnie and sorrel sitting casually on donnies bed together: donnie fucking around on his phone and sorrel tattooing his calf#its just good for his “grew up in the battle nexus adrenaline addict” ass#and his “grew up with no ownership or control of my body or identity” ass#once he runs out of room on his legs he'll have to figure smth else out but most of them are pretty small#has considered his tail but hasnt yet#has also considered his shell but ultimately decided he doesnt wanna over up the scars#gemini au#asks#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rise of the tmnt#rottmnt au#rottmnt donnie#rottmnt donatello#rottmnt separated au#rise donnie#rise donatello#rottmnt fanart#fidgetwing#tmnt#tmnt 2018#there are a few fun easter eggs in here. some more obvious some less#they all mean something in canon
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You make me feel like an addict.
Day 2: Addict. Another sketch for @voidzphere and @funtime29nm’s Killermare week, but this time I might’ve strayed away a bit from the premise.
#I really felt like drawing Nightmare in love for once#but I feel like he either becomes too dependent on Killer as his right hand man or misinterprets his feelings of wanting to see his crush#as an addiction of sorts#utmv#killermare#killer x nightmare#killermare week#nightmare sans#dreamtale#killer sans#something new#my art
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The previously dormant Undertale demon within me is suddenly and inexplicably restless… anyway my top two favs be upon ye! The Pap and the Ton….
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Click for Quality!
#actually drew this a lil while ago but I’ve been drawing more undertale in general in between art fight prep and my new Minecraft addiction#listen I haven’t been able to get a job so I hafta kill time somehow#I should open commissions for the first time soon…. then drawing all day could give me money…… hmm…..#aria draws#digital art#digital drawing#fanart#undertale fanart#undertale#papyrus#mettaton#mettaton ex#ut papyrus#ut mettaton#ut MTT#should I tag this as papyton#I’m tagging this as papyton fuck it we ball#papyton#theyre both just like me fr fr .#gotta stop drawing Character Just Standing There. gotta stop but won’t. can’t actually
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GUYS LOOK WHAT JUST CAME IN THE MAILSDHOWBDKDEBEHKNE
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#I CANT BELIEVE IT..... SHAKING LIKE A LEAF I AM#this is a new addiction now. im sorry to my print suppliers that will be experiencing my insanity.#house md#gregory house#dr house#malpractice md#hatecrimes md#greg house
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victor new vegas on my phone :3
#art#digital art#fanart#fallout#fallout new vegas#fallout victor#my buddy#the most huggable robot in the mojave#im literally addicted to fallout new vegas its so bad help me
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Snow Days in Massachusetts 🌨️
The Merritt family has always been passionate about horses. Cristine and Kelsey would always go to the stable in the late afternoon to ride horses on the beautiful grounds of their home. Cristine took advantage of the trip to her old home to take some souvenir photos of her pregnancy.
#chsims#I love horses even more after getting addicted to Read Dead RP so I decided to use them in my new save !#the sims 4#sims 4#sims 4 screenshots#merritt#the sims maxis match#sims 4 legacy#sims#showusyoursims#the sims aesthetic#the sims simblr#sims 4 simblr#ts4 simblr#ts4
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