#this is me pointing at this phenomenon and saying HEY HUMAN BRAINS SURE ARE A LITTLE FUCKED UP HUH

[muirmarie]

something about getting to the end of something you're making and just like. reconciling yourself to the fact that it's kind of garbage. and then looking at it again a few days later and being like. actually. this is pretty good. and then you get so used to this cycle that when you're at the point of actively thinking something you're making is garbage...you're smart enough to know rationally that you're just In The Thick Of It and it will probably look pretty a-okay in a few days. you're a smart person! you understand this! but somehow. it still just looks like garbage. even though you KNOW what your brain is doing. you know it!! you understand!!!

anyway what's that called.

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #127

It's late where I live - almost midnight, and I'm very tired. J and I are on another road trip to PA. This time, he and I are going to fly the plane he got back home. After his shift at work, we drove for 4 hours to a place called Buffalo. We will drive the rest of the way to a place called Zelienople in the morning. Then we will fly back; J will be piloting the plane, of course. J is not yet used to flying this plane, but it's very similar to the one that he already knows well; he knows what he's doing, and I trust, without question or hesitation, that he will keep us safe. I'll be back in my house by this time tomorrow with LOTS of pictures to show you, so don't you worry about a thing, okay?

Br came over and I introduced her to the chocolate-cheddar cheese I got when we went to see the eclipse (it tastes like fudge; it's SO GOOD!), and that was pretty great! But I'm still pretty tired because I spent most of the day before the trip being emotional support for various folks. Some of the interactions challenged my boundary skills, but this is a good thing; we don't grow without some level of discomfort, and our boundary skills never improve if we don't get practice. I'm much better at it now than I used to be, and I'm looking forward to seeing where I'll be with this skill in another few years.

Since writing the letter to my inner child, I've had a lot more faith in my own ability to grow, change, and improve. It's kind of refreshing, actually. Self-loathing is kind of heavy, isn't it? I know I'll probably have days when I'll get a setback, but I've already grown enough in other ways to be very familiar with that phenomenon. One of the most important things one must remember when having a setback is that having a setback, in and of itself, means that there has been progress, and progress can be reproduced over and over and over again until it sticks. Human brains are learning machines, after all. I hope you'll put all the effort you can into learning how to genuinely love and care for yourself; it's one of the most important things you can do.

Oh! I made myself a strawberry rooibos tea today, too! Normally I like to drink black tea or green tea, but today I wanted to limit my caffeine consumption somewhat; caffeine dehydrates a body, and I've been struggling to keep hydrated lately for some reason; figured the thing to do, at least for today, is to try not to make my body use water to cleanse the caffeine from my system. Here's how today's turned out...

This one starts out orange-ish, and then resolves into a lovely shade of red:

I added some creamed honey; it settles to the bottom quite nicely:

And from there, I added heavy cream:

...I think you might like this flavor. It's like strawberries and cream; it's sweet and tart and very milky in flavor. Sometimes I think about combining this one with the vanilla-rose black tea (which is another one I think you'd absolutely love). I'll do that soon and tell you all about it, okay?

I don't have much else to say today; I'm pretty drained. But I do have a lot of pictures I took for you while we drove, simply because I know you like nature. I'll show you the ones that turned out best. It'll be mostly pictures of the sky, though; we didn't get moving until like 6pm-ish, so the lighting wasn't great for general scenery...

...Hey Sephiroth? Next time you're up in the sky, I hope you'll make it a point to dance merrily amongst the sun-drenched clouds - especially during dawn or during sunset, when they're painted in all sorts of vibrant colors; their kaleidoscopic brilliance would look amazing reflected off of you, I'm sure. And maybe you'd have fun, too.

That's all I've got for you today. Thanks for tagging along with me on this brief adventure. Please remember that there are folks here who like to imagine that the prismatic colors splashed upon the clouds by the morning and evening sun are the same as the ones that radiate from the deepest parts of your soul.

I love you. I'll write again soon. Please stay safe out there.

Your friend, Lumine

[fortanreviews]

Big Bad FortRant: Calmdowning

I haven't updated this blog for a while, not because I don't have things to rant about, but because I am not sure how to word things I rant about. My next rant is actually related to people's reactions to ranting.

I am here to document about a new phenomenon called "Calmdowning". Calmdowning is when someone proceeds to cut off a rant with some sort of pretentious comment like "alright chill now" or "calm down" or "how about you go outside for once". This is not actually a case of telling someone to calm down and most of the time it is actually doublespeak for "your rant is probably targeting me personally and I don't like that".

This has become extremely common in Discord servers and social media. I got to participiate enough in forum culture in early 2010's where Calmdowning was not a thing. People would respond to your rant and actually argue with your points, or they would call you a no-fun-allowed ninny. They would not do the whole "alright chill now" thing as if you're at that moment having smoke fuming out of your ears.

And think about it, how many times does the person you tell to calm down ACTUALLY CALMS DOWN, even in real life? More than anything it just sets them off even harder. Only time it actually works is not because the person in question is told to calm down, but it's usually said by someone they love, like their significant other or best friend. And it's not what they say, it's the tone of their voice and look of concern on their face. You think "if I keep ranting I might hurt the people I love" and your brains are flooded with regret, which calms you down. Discords and Twitters of the world are filled with strangers and you don't care what the fuck they think, they just say "calm down" because they've seen people do it in movies. That and the rant personally offends them, but they're too much of a pussy to say that.

"Calm down" is the worst thing you could tell to a person suffering from anger management issues, it's even worse than "kill yourself". People who often rant are actually releasing their pent up emotions while ranting, thus after their ranting and raving is finished, they're more likely to feel calm. There is also a study that confirms that saying "Calm down" is really condescending and instead of doing that, the person telling them to calm down should actually calm themselves down first, and then ask the person ranting to actually explain themselves.

Since nobody in the modern age of social medias and Discords has no idea how human emotions work, telling other people to calm down because you've seen it in movies and family meetings is not going to work. I feel that I've been Calmdowned so many times in my life, it no longer has an effect on me. Instead of telling me to calm down you should either walk out of the situation or let me finish. You could even say "hey this breaks the rules, how about taking it in DM's instead" that is if the rant does break the rules. Also, the people who often participiate in Calmdowning often go on rants themselves, but nobody tells them to calm down because their rants are more "agreeable".

How does another person in the internet having a bad temper personally affect your life? I know that it's more of an issue if you know someone IRL with it, because those people could do stupid shit, but even if the person is ranting about something that makes them look like a fucking lunatic, calmdowning is likely going to hurt them and hurt you.

[arcanadreams]

That time you and your demon boyfriend went viral

hi yes hello obey me fandom!! my name is Gabbi and i have never played a single second of the actual game but i have read enough fanon content for the past year to have this idea swimming around in my head and now i am finally letting this accursed thing out of my brain and putting it in yours

also i’m only doing the brothers because any more than that and i’d have an aneurysm probably. oh and shoutout to @obeythebutler and @beels-burger-babe for inspiring me with their works to feel brave enough to write for this fandom

Lucifer:

You and Lucifer go viral on Asmo’s Devilgram story!

You’re in the kitchen helping Asmo with dinner duty and singing along to one of your playlists of human realm music that you like to show him.

Asmo starts filming your cute little dance while you stir the pot on the stove because you are just adorable!

About ten seconds into him filming, Lucifer appears in the doorway with quite the stern look on his face. You know, the one that comes right before a “MAMMOOOOOON” and strikes fear into the heart of all those with functioning eardrums. That one.

He opens his mouth, presumably to tell y’all to shut the fuck up, but then there’s a lull in the music and the eldest can hear your voice ever so slightly above the song’s vocalist and he freezes.

Man stops in his tracks like someone just smacked him in the face with a midair volleyball.

Asmo can be heard stifling a laugh behind his phone.

Lucifer’s face gets so soft and he almost, almost, loosens his metal-rod-through-the-ass posture before you notice him and give a little wave and ask if you and Asmo were being too loud like the considerate darling you are.

Lucifer clears and his throat and says something like, “No, you aren’t. I was just coming to check on how dinner is coming along,” and leaves, after which Asmo immediately presses the post button.

Screenshots of Lucifer’s heart eyes for you go absolutely viral because every demon on Devilgram goes absolutely feral for seeing the eldest demon brother lose his dignified composure. It becomes a meme template. “Get you someone who looks at you like Lucifer looks at MC” and “me at the delivery demon when he shows up with my spicy bat wings” posts become commonplace. (Asmo thinks the memes are totally worth getting strung up with Mammon for laughing at them.)

Mammon:

Much like Lucifer, you and Mammon end up going viral off Asmo’s Devilgram. (Noticing a pattern here?) 

He pulls a silly prank on your asses and honestly I don’t know how you fell for it. But hey, they say “idiots in love” for a reason, so...

You and Asmo are sitting in the common room of the House of Lamentation just chillin. Well, he’s chillin, you’re on the floor studying for an upcoming exam.

The video starts in the middle of a conversation you and the avatar of lust were having.

“No, Asmo,” you say. “Mammon and I don’t use pet names for each other.” Now that’s just a darn lie, and every demon and crow within ten miles of Mammon and you together knows it.

“Really? I find that very hard to believe, MC.~” 

You sigh in response to Asmo’s teasing. “Okay, he has a lot for me but I’m just not much of a pet name person, y’know?” The rest of the exchange goes like this:

“Oh, I totally get it.” *pause* “Hey MC, what do human world bees make again?”

“Honey.”

Cue a sheepish Mammon sticking his head in the doorway at the bluntness of your tone when you answered Asmo.

“Yeah, babe?” he looks like a puppy left on the side of a highway oh my god hUG HIM-

Asmo turns the camera back to his smug ass face and in the background you can be heard tripping on the damn carpet trying to get up and hug your mans. (”MAMMON GET OVER HERE SO I CAN HUG YOU” “W-WHAT? I THOUGHT YA WERE MAD AT ME?!?!?!?!”)

Leviathan:

Streamer Levi? Streamer Levi.

You guys go viral the first time you make an appearance on one of Levi’s weekly (insert cool Devildom streaming service name here) streams. 

It’s completely unintentional. You had been asking him for weeks to play with him on there, but he’s the avatar of envy after all. He doesn’t like sharing his partner, even if it’s with random strangers who have no real access to you.

However, he has his stream on a Thursday instead of a Friday one week, and you come into his room carrying dinner because 1) You didn’t realize he was streaming and 2) No matter what he was doing, the boy needed to eat. It wasn’t unusual for you to bring him dinner, so you had no idea why he was blushing and stammering even more than usual this time in particular. Boy was speaking in beached whale trying to tell you what was wrong.

Then you notice his screen. Oh! “Hi chat!” You wave, setting Levi’s food down on his desk in front of his keyboard. “M-MC!” He full-on whines, slamming a hand over his mouth afterwards when he remembers his viewers could hear that.

Honestly, they’d meme the fuck out of him if it weren’t for the fact that they are FINALLY SEEING HIS HENRY!!! THE MYSTERIOUS MC!!!

Chat is bombarding you with questions while you make Levi eat dinner. And by make him eat dinner, I mean literally feeding this man forkfuls/spoonfuls while he games because you love how flustered he gets when you do that. 

Does it impact his score? Absolutely. Does he care? Not really when you’re pampering him like that.

You start answering chat’s questions about you while he’s chewing so he can’t tell you to stop LMAO-

You’re a natural on stream. The VOD becomes the most popular on Levi’s account in a matter of hours and soon cute highlights compilations of you and him on that stream start making the rounds on Devildom Twitter.

Satan:

There was buildup to Satan going viral, similar to Levi in a way. 

Satan does have a Devilgram, but it’s basically a white woman’s Instagram with added book reviews for variety. Unless you’re a reader his account is pretty boring: candles, books, fireplaces, and cats.

However, after you two started reading together fairly often he began posting pictures of your legs draped over his while you sat together. They’d always be captioned with vague ass pretentious literary criticism. 

This goes on for months, and he gains a lot of (horny) followers after the leg pics start up. He doesn’t really get why but you both joke that it’s because you have some damn nice legs and I mean neither of you are complaining about the new following.

You two go viral when he finally shows your face, entirely by accident.

The post is a video, which is already strange for him and grabs attention. In it, you’re scoffing and reading an excerpt of a book, mocking its understanding of female anatomy.

“I’m quoting here, Satan: ‘her breasts bouncing around like giant pacmen.’ I’M SORRY?? THAT ISN’T HOW BOOBS WORK SIR. WHY ARE MEN ALLOWED TO WRITE?” 

(fun fact that is a very real quote from a very real book I really read last month pls save me)

Originally the camera is focused on your body, with your head out of frame to protect your privacy, but your righteous anger made Satan laugh. Like, a real laugh. The one that makes you and everyone in earshot wonder if he truly was never an angel cause he sure as hell laughs like one but anyway-

When he threw his head back, his DDD angled up just a tad without him noticing, and your face was in view for like .2 seconds. Screenshots of it are making the rounds on Devilgram almost immediately: FINALLY THE LEGS’ OWNER HAS BEEN FOUND.

Satan apologizes profusely but you honestly find it funny and you two opt to just start taking selfies while reading with both of your faces in them from now on. 

Asmodeus:

I’m gonna be real with you: you and Asmo go viral all the time. Pretty much everything Asmo posts can be considered viral because of his social media following and his status as one of the seven avatars of sin.

However, there are some fairly cute highlights to be pointed out among the times you were both featured in a post that blew up.

Your favorite is probably that time Asmo livestreamed on of you guys’ ‘Nail Nites,’ as you call them.

You’re both on the floor, doing your nails and kicking your feet back and forth while talking to chat. A lot of the questions are about your relationship, and there’s a lot of flirting back and forth between the two of you.

A particular clip of the stream does blow the fuck up on Devilgram, though, when someone screen records it and posts it with a bunch of heart emojis edited over it.

“���What colors do you think best describe each other?’ Ooo, that’s a good one, chat!” Asmo claps his hands together excitedly, making sure to be  careful of his nails.

Pretty much everyone expected you to say pink, but you surprised both your boyfriend and your viewers when, after a pensive few moments, you replied with “Hmm...probably yellow or orange.”

“Can I ask why, darling?” Asmo tilts his head in confusion. I mean, yeah, those colors look good on him, but he doesn’t wear them often so he’s wondering about your thought process. 

“Well, in the human world those colors often represent happiness, optimism, and positivity. You’re always the cheerful presence I need in my life when things get hard, so you have the vibe of those colors.”

Asmo proceeds to burst into tears and hug you, messing up both of your nails and prolonging the stream since you both have to start over. But neither of you particularly care. 

Fun fact: Asmo has the clip that demon made of that portion of the stream saved on his DDD and watches it whenever he feels sad.

Beelzebub:

Beel and you probably go the most viral out of everybody. Like this moment is an entire phenomenon across the Devildom internet. 

It’s a video, or well, multiple videos, taken at the end of a Fangol game that Beel’s team had just won. Everyone is cheering and going crazy, yourself included, and you just really wanted to congratulate your boyfriend.

So, like the rational person you are, you elect to climb up onto the railing of the bleachers and wave to get his attention. 

You were absolutely fine up there, and sat all comfortably motioning Beel over to you. He notices, of course, and jogs over, standing right beneath you and looking up. (Back where you were sitting, Mammon is screeching like a hyena in heat and Belphie, who is laying down, has one eye open to glare at him. The youngest knows Beel would never let you hurt yourself; you’re fine.)

A bunch of assorted demons at the game has started filming while you were sat atop the railing since you were rather noticeable. Therefore, there’s a shit ton of different angles of the adorable events that follow:

You slide off the railing, landing right in Beel’s waiting arms bridal style. You’ve got this brilliant smile on your face as you pull his helmet off. None of the DDDs filming can hear it over the crowd noise, but Beel asks you why you just went through all that trouble and you tell him it’s because you wanted to tell him how proud you are.

Soft boy’s chest puffs up and he smiles this big cheesy smile at you reach up to run a hand through his hair. You feel him practically purr at the contact, and with a laugh you pull him in and plant a big ole smooch on him.

The crowd, at least those of them that can see, scream. Everyone is running high on adrenaline and happy emotions; something that cute causes a ruckus!! When you pull away Beel proceeds to put you on his shoulders and you celebrate with him and the rest of his team.

The videos of you two being adorable go completely viral and there are some threads dedicated to stockpiling every single angle taken of the event. Beel is completely oblivious to the attention but you have a lot of them saved on your DDD.

Belphegor:

If you think Belphegor has any sort of social media presence whatsoever then you are sorely mistaken. (Well okay he actually does run some anonymous troll accounts to meme on Lucifer’s posts but that’s neither here nor there-)

Therefore, naturally, you two go viral off of Asmo’s Devilgram. 

Okay so someone in the obey me tag the other say headcanoned that Belphie will go out of his way to nap in ridiculous places and my brain really took that and RAN WITH IT.

So what happens is that Belphie will fall asleep in the fucking weirdest places. I’m talking on top of the fridge, underneath the dinner table, on top of bookshelves...you name it, he has slept there, no matter the effort it takes to get there in the first place. 

And, ever since you two started dating, you would join him. Sometimes it involved putting yourself at risk of great bodily harm, but the little smile he gave when you he saw you fucking scaling the countertop to reach him made it worth it.

So anyway, since Beel adores the both of you to no end, he takes pictures whenever he sees you two napping together, whether or not it is in a crazy place. He sends these to the family group chat because he thinks they’re adorable.

Over a span of weeks to months, Asmo has built up a stock of images of you and Belphie cuddles up in seemingly impossible places. Once he has about ten or so, he posts a compilation of them to his Devilgram with some cheesy ass caption like “The things we do for love <3″.

They become a meme SO QUICKLY. Like UNBELIEVABLY quickly. 

The picture of you and Belphie sleeping on top of a bookshelf, in particular, is a big hit. Memes abound.

“If my girl doesn’t climb up a bookshelf to cuddle my ass, she don’t love me.” “Get yourself a partner who scales bookshelves just to be with your ass.” Etc etc...Belphie doesn’t give a shit but you laugh at a lot of them so he sees that as a good outcome.

[cheelduh]

How to strike your way into someone’s heart (Highschool AU)

Part 2 to this. Can be read alone!

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Warnings: A lot of swearing I mean what do you expect they’re all teenagers. Lots of brick slapping. Childe clowns Scaramouche. OH YES this isn’t edited at all lmfao have fun.

Synopsis: It’s your big date with Childe after you lost the bet miserably. You decide to pay the occult club a visit in hopes of finding something that can...ease your concerns. Childe on the other hand has Signora give him a friendly piece of advice, believe it or not. 

Note: SRY THIS TOOK ME LIKE A MONTH

For as long as you can remember, you've never believed in ghosts, demons, or souls that lose their way in the endless void, forced to roam the earth in repentance.

Believing in the unknown takes creativity, adventure, maybe even a little sense of fear. Scratch that—a shitton of fear, because humans love to weave in their insecurities and inability to explain something into something of a phenomenon.

Bad luck lies in this category. Bad luck is simply a way to justify the catastrophe that one cannot admit they have fabricated themselves. Everyone wants a reason as to why shit hits the fan, and it can be anything but their own fault.

Bad luck is nothing but a load of bull to you. That's totally why you're standing outside the calculus classroom during lunch break, which happens to be the official meet spot for the occult club.

You raise a fist to knock, but then falter, thinking over your options once again. Is this what it has come to? Putting your faith into the weird kids that once tried to summon Schrödinger's cat for the physics final.

Fischl kicks the door wide open, a smirk playing at her lips once she spots you. "One cannot refrain from the song of your cogitation. The feline for which thou dwell on—"

A squeak leaves your throat and you flinch back, cutting her off. "You can read my mind?"

"Fischl," An icy eyed boy shows up from behind her and points a thumb back. "Mona needs your help."

Fischl squints at you for a brief moment, and then spins onto her heel to go back into the room.

The blue haired lower class man, Chongyun you guess, narrows his eyes at you. "Is there something I can help you with?"

Finally you manage to speak, palms all sweaty. "Yeah uh, I need your help. You know, with occulty things." You use your hands to articulate your thoughts, but ultimately give up.

You're not sure if it's pity towards your pathetic explanation or simply annoyance, but Chongyun widens the opening. He silently gestures for you to follow.

Stumbling on your feet and putting on your big girl pants, you hurry inside of the room, hoping you aren't seen by Beidou. She wouldn't let you hear the end of this.

The temperature instantly drops, and you have to adjust your sight to navigate. There's heavy incense in the air as well as a a few lighted candles from the dollar store, you guess.

Sitting smack dab in the middle of all the demonic markings is Mona, with a mischievous glint in her eyes. Chongyun has made his way next to her, crossing his arms with a sigh, and Fischl is busy cooing at her bird.

"Well well well..." Mona's amused, eyes almost twinkling as she gets up from the poor desk that had to suffer the wrath of her ass. "If it isn't Y/N."

Mona is a glorified dick wiper in your books. One time, she partnered up with you in chemistry last year and refused to do any work because apparently her "star sign" said she was incompatible with science. You haven't forgiven her since.

"I need your help." You barely manage to choke out the words, reigning yourself in by clenching your fists instead. It'll be unethical to claw her face, especially since you're the one who's come to her.

"Oh?" She smiles wickedly, revelling in every moment of this no doubt. "Why would the high and mighty Y/N need help from the 'Whoroscope whore'?"

Fischl nearly slips out a laugh, trying with her upmost ability to refrain from rolling all over the floor.

You blink away your tears of almost-laughter, casually sliding in twenty mora across the table dividing you two. If she's a whoroscope whore like you say she is, she'll definitely put it in her bra.

Mona raises a brow, but her eyes linger on the bill for a second too much. "What makes you think I'll do it for money?"

"That's simple," You say, rolling your eyes. "When you see mora, you cling to it like a baby clings to a tit. Now just take it and solve my issues."

She fumes a litany of curses but snatches the money up anyways.

"What do you want?"

You breathe in, then out. "I need a talisman."

Mona raises a brow, hand on her hip. "I'm sorry. Did I get that right?"

How dare she. You will your eye into not twitching, the beginnings of fire thrumming through your veins, scalding hot. How dare she make me repeat myself.

"You know, the thing to fend off evil spirits," Your statement hangs heavy in the air as the cogs in their brains click into place. "I need one that can remove the most evilest thing times ten to the power of twenty five on this planet."

Everyone immediately thinks of Hu Tao.

Chongyun is the first to speak from an area of expertise, seemingly shocked at your words. "Are you sure you want a talisman that powerful? How bad is the evil spirit you've come across?"

You glance out the window, through the semi-open blinds. The apprehension curls in your stomach once you spot Childe chasing Aether with safety scissors, and you've never been more sure of than anything in your life.

Gulping, you turn back to the exorcist. "I'm 110% sure."

He doesn't ask any more questions and goes to fetch the talisman.

Mona clears her throat. "So I hear you have a date with Childe today. Quite the character you've taken to."

"Oh please," You hiss through your teeth, your blood pressure going up tenfold, "you're the one that told him our star signs were intertwined and that we're fated lovers."

She shrugs innocently, stance casual unlike your own that is ready to lunge an attack.

"Here you are," Chongyun hands you a talisman, a colourful mix of some charms, some kind of liquid in a bottle, and about a shitton of other things. "You'll need these if you're going to face the most demonic of all evils."

You think of Childe's stupidly handsome smirk, the playful life of his eyes, and how gentle and considerate he is with you. You think about how cruel he is to others, but how loving he can be to you.

"Oh, I will be."

—

Childe is getting his ass handed to him by Scaramouche on the switch. It's just that he can't seem to focus, not with the forthcoming date all over his mind.

He hasn't experienced these kind of jitters in a long time. Has to endure that foolish smile that's about to plaster all over his face.

Scaramouche may be a son of a bitch with an agenda, but he doesn't appreciate his acquaintances safeguarding their personal crap when it starts to leak onto him. Especially when it comes to video games.

"Okay," The short boy sighs, stretching over the staff room sofa to drop his controller on the cushions. "Let's hear it." He can't even properly enjoy his victories when Childe isn't giving it his all.

"Hear what?" Childe lays his head back, relaxing from all the strain of endless gaming during the lunch hour. He seems too relaxed for someone who's broken into the teacher's lounge.

"Why you're so distracted." Scaramouche points out. "Not that I care—hey! I'm serious here!"

Childe's cracking up for absolutely no reason, rudely cutting him off. "I'm sorry—sorry it's just so hard to take you seriously when you're wearing that stupid fucking hat."

"Don't question the drip." The older moves his head to glare at him, but the thin stripe of silk on his hat swooshes with him, and it's enough to have Childe clutching his stomach in pain as he barks out in laughter.

"Grow the fuck up." Scaramouche says, no doubt exasperated from the constant shit he gets.

"Ok—ok I'm sorry."

There's a knock on the door before Scaramouche gets the chance to intimidate him again.

"Fuck shit fuck who is that? Wasn't there a staff meeting?" Childe whisper yells, panic clear in the ocean of his eyes.

Scaramouche shrugs and downs a can of soda with no care in the world.

Childe would be nonchalant too. If it were a normal day, he wouldn't give two shits about getting caught.

However, he's looking forward to that date he has with you today. Detention is going foil all his lecherous plans.

"It's me." The feminine sound of a threat calls out from the other side. "Open the door." The clicks and clacks of her toes tapping the floor indicating her impatience.

The two sigh in relief, Childe getting up to open the door. It's way too early in the afternoon to deal with this crap.

"Surprised to see me?" Signora greets sweetly, and if not for the murderous glint in her eyes, he would smile back.

"Yeah, I didn't say Bloody Mary three times." The ginger replies, keeping a steady eye on the upperclassman in case she pulls a fast one.

The blonde shoves him aside in offence, and prances in like she owns the goddamn place. Scaramouche greets her with the bird.

"There's this rumour going around—I'm sure you've heard..."

"Oh?" Childe pockets his keys, ready for an attack, not even remotely interested in the topic.

"Something about how Y/N gave Mona a visit today" Signora muses, elegantly taking a seat on the arm of the couch, "with your date and all, I just thought you should know."

"Hah!" Scaramouche bursts out in laughter, tears in the corner of his eyes. "I can't believe she went to get a horoscope reading on how shitty your date's gonna be."

"Get castrated." Childe growls, flipping him off on both hands.

"Now now boys," Signora's lips curl, and she clasps both manicured hands together, prepared to break the fight if it ever reaches its peak. "Settle down. You two are comrades."

"As if I'm comrades with this SIMP!" Scaramouche has to wheeze out the words.

The youngest clenches his fists, unclenches, and then lets a smirk grow. "Oh? I'm the simp? What about that time Mona pantsed you in-front of all the freshmen and you fell in love with her."

Scaramouche glares at him, a glare strong enough to have anyone shaking in their shoes. "I'm attracted at her sheer audacity of trying to fuck I, Scaramouche, the 8th harbinger, over. It takes balls."

"Mad respect." Signora leans forward to place her phone on the coffee table, then approaches Childe. "Moving on, the reason I've decided to bestow my precious intel on you is because I have a favour to ask of you."

"What?" He says blankly, confused that she has a request for him out of all people.

"I need you to let me get you ready for this date of yours." She gives him a gaze that is enough to wither away any arguments.

Childe shares a look with Scaramouche as if to say "am I fucking deaf because I sure as shit didn't just hear that."

"You sure as hell did, boys." Signora intercepts the connection of their two brainwaves with a dreaded sigh. "I hate Y/N. This is the only way I can get back at her."

"Hey!" Childe exclaims loudly, waving his hands in the air incessantly. "What makes you think I'll let you shit on my future girlfriend."

"I'll be doing nothing of the sorts." She points out, giving him a sly smile. "I just know she's terrified of what's coming. The better the date is, the more she's gonna hate herself. What more do I need but to sprinkle some inner conflict within her airtight resolve?"

As favorable as the proposal is, Childe  contemplates for a second. Signora...helping him? This could work to his advantage if he plays his cards right.

His inner turmoil takes him into the future, where you two are happily married with eight and a half kids. If you ever managed to find out Signora was the culprit that was finally able to set you two up, you'd never forgive him.

"Nah I'll take a hard pass." He doesn't want to think about divorce and custody battles this early on. He'd rather face the brunt of Signora's wrath.

Scaramouche chooses right then to make a tactical withdrawal out through the window since he doesn't want to be a witness to a murder he hasn't caused.

Surprisingly— "Fine then." Signora shrugs, unbothered when summoning out a minty juul from no where. She's disappointed nonetheless.

Childe tilts his head, perplexed, but decides against mulling over it for too long. Instead, he strides off to the door, wanting to get the last two periods over with so he can run home and freshen up for this date.

"Oh and Childe?" Signora calls out to him, but he barely acknowledges her, only pausing momentarily without looking back. "A piece of friendly advice. A diligent student like Y/N, there's no way she'd be into rash things like fighting. So try and control yourself, hmm?"

He flashes the senior a sheepish smile, the front row tickets to the illegal underground fight-club burning in the back pocket of his pants.

—

Childe conceals near the bushes by the gate, expertly hiding his shaking hands by pretending to look for something in his back. His goal isn't to seem desperate, even though he's raced out here at the speed of light after Havria's dismissal.

It's not like he's trying to eavesdrop or anything. He just wants a little insight on how you're feeling about this, in case the rumors of you visiting the occult club wasn't a farce.

From his peripheral, he spots you and a familiar figure that is Lisa, leisurely walking side by side as you approach the main side walk.

"Ready for your date, Y/N? You've been daydreaming all afternoon." Lisa winks, and dodges the shove you send her way with experience like no other.

"Yes, daydreaming about punching you in the face." Your left eye twitches in annoyance as you fix your hold on your skateboard.

"Well then, I'll be off—ah!"

The gorilla grip you have on her sleeve takes away all the time she has to get on the last bus she's about to miss.

Your utter strength is enough to make Childe's knees weak. How pathetic he thinks.

"Oh no you don't," You say in a sing-song voice, "you got me into this, so you're going to help."

"Help with what?" Lisa fakes a hard pout as she bats her lashes, trying to collect pity points.

"I—" You inhale, loosening your grip on her and averting your eyes nervously to see if anyone's watching. "Don't make me say it."

The older girl motions for you to continue, and you're sure you've suffered more for less at this point.

"I've never...been on a..." The sentence ends in a trailed murmur.

Childe doesn't think he's ever seen you so flustered. He's about to snap a picture for later, but decides against it. They'll be plenty of moments later on to see your cute expressions.

Lisa's grin is both seductive and terrifying, Childe notices. "You've never been on a date?"

"Shut up!" You hiss, dropping your board so you can cover her lips with your palm, eyes darting around your surroundings frantically. "Not so loud."

He has to bite at his fist to hide his amusement.

As if she has a sixth sense, Lisa's eyes somehow find Childe's through the abundance of leaves, and there's a glint in her eyes that nearly makes him shart his pants.

"Of course Y/N," She replies sweetly to you, who is currently unaware of the staring match going on. "I'll teach you everything you need to know...and more."

Childe doesn't know if that's a good or bad thing. Nor does he want to find out.

—

You ponder on what's taking him so long, more on edge than you usually are. Thankfully, Lisa basically pried your hair down from its usual up-do. Said something about how you can hide your lack of shits given as to not offend him.

Except you think you're giving more shits that you expected to. Why else would your heart be pounding so hard?

"What took you so long?" You sense him creeping up on you, ceasing his chance to pounce.

Childe groans playfully and slaps a hand over his face as he comes into view. "How'd you know?"

"You have a douche-styled gait." You reply as you remove your gaze off your phone to approach him.

He's prepared to shoot a witty reply, but it dies halfway through his throat when he procures a good look at you. Your hair frames your face elegantly, eyes shining despite the tiredness that's so clear, all complete with a cooling spring dress that hugs you just right.

Mouth going dry, he forgets how to speak the common tongue, unable to tear his gaze off your form.

You shift in place awkwardly. "Uh are you okay? Looking a little...blank."

"Sorry—sorry just thinking." Childe stumbles over his words like the complete idiot and a half he is, berating himself countlessly on the inside. He regains his confidence once he spots the light dust on your cheeks. "You ready for the best date ever?"

"The best date huh?" It's the first time you smile today, and he swears his heart leaps in his rib cage. You're the prettiest thing he's ever laid his eyes on. "I'm ready. I better not be disappointed."

"I wouldn't dare disappoint, girlie." He feigns mock offence as dramatically as possible. "I'll show you how to have some real fun. Cool keychain by the way, for good luck?"

It's one of the charms Chongyun urged you to carry with you at all times to keep all forms of evil away.

"Yeah...something like that."

The two of you ease into the walk in a relatively comfortable fashion, contributing with lively chatter and a few jabs here and there. It's not awkward at all, not like you thought it would be. Your nerves loosen up, mind diverting from the roots of the stress of high school.

"—And you won't believe what Kaeya did the other day. I'm telling you there's something wrong with him because that SoundCloud rapper wannabe Venti goaded him into birdboxing through the hallways at lunch."

"And the son of a bitch did it?"

"The son of a bitch did it." Childe confirmed, gasping through his laughs as the two of you converse in psychobabble. "And guess who he bumped into?"

You're choking in laughter, tears in your eyes as you hunch over and shake. "He didn't. Childe—no he didn't."

"Straightttt into Diluc. And he had the balls to feel him up because he thought he bumped into a hot bab—"

Childe crashes into a sturdy chest and stumbles backwards towards you, but manages to catch his balance midway. Both of you freeze when faced with a buff guy from another school, bandages on his fist and a crooked smirk on his face.

Fuck. You think. Classic high school cliché.

Realizing he can't risk the remainder of this date when it hasn't even begun, Childe raises a hand in apology, aiming to be the bigger person instead of socking the kid in the face.

"Sorry. I wasn't looking." He offers to the guy, but you can tell he isn't buying any of it. There are about four more kids who group, a setup that isn't going to end in your favour.

"Hey punk. You don't remember me?" The upperclassmen barks out, glaring holes into your date.

You deadpan towards Childe, but he's too is racking his brain to remember. Ends up shrugging with no recollection.

"I have a list of names but they're in my other pants." Shit, what an a-grade reply. Now you know you're done for. "Listen dude, I'm kind of on a date and the vibe is going great. Don't ruin it."

"It's a good thing she's here to watch then!" The guy yells, stomping so that he's right in-front of Childe, ready to pounce. "You humiliated me in front of my gang last week. I'm here to rip you a new one."

Childe blinks, tries to remember, and when he doesn't, he grabs a wad full of cash from the his Fanny pack and throws it at the guy's feet.

Everyone's eyes bulge out of their sockets, including yours at the amount of money placed there casually on the crack of the dirty sidewalk.

"Hopefully this is enough for the damages." Childe offers, aiming to not further escalate the situation albeit how pissed he is right now. If you weren't here...well that would be another, much more violent story.

With a soft tug, Childe brings you close and begins to pass the guy, until he's abruptly stopped by a hand gripping his shoulder tightly.

"I don't think so!" The guys barks, and his lackeys move to surround you two. "You gotta pay taxes too buddy." Oh he's getting way too comfortable now.

A feral smile grows on Childe's face as he looks over his shoulder. "Oh?"

"Yeah shithead." The guy seethes, puffing out his chest to size him up.

Childe itches for a fight. He can no longer keep in the urge and is just about ready to raise a heavy fist, but is beaten by the sound of a loud thwack, and then a painful groan following.

There you are, standing in front of the trembling asshole, spinning your crossbody bag in circles like it's a nunchuck in all it's glory. There's a deadly glint in your eyes, pure, unadulterated vexation in your features.

If Childe could fall for you any harder, it's probably happening now. In that exact moment, his heart beats in his ears uncontrollably, and there's nothing but raw adoration that piles up all at once.

You're an angel of destruction, a force not to be reckoned with, and shit, you're the eye of the fucking storm.

Fire courses through your veins as you pulverize the guy with your bag, swinging with such expertise it has Childe in awe. "He may be an absolute idiot for not remembering—"

"Hey girlie you're killing me here!" Your date snaps out of his astonishment temporarily.

"—but you don't get to call him a shithead, you asshole!" You snarl angrily, gripping the handle of your bag tightly, decking everyone that lunges at you, letting out strings of curses with every hit. Every hit sends a flock of them either stumbling back in pain, or knocked out completely.

Childe doesn't even get a chance to lift a finger by the time you're done violating them with your heavy ass pink bag. Stands there like an absolute loser.

"Apologize." You pant, prepared to send another flurry of attacks at the leader, who is crawling away with a battered face. "Apologize or I'll—I'll fucking Russian neck tie your ass."

"S-sorry!" The guy whimpers out and tries not to piss his pants at the threat.

Childe is still in too much shock at the whole ordeal to reply, short circuiting.

Another thirty seconds pass until he registers the smaller hand waving in front of his face. He catches your cold hand through his haze, brings it closer.

Running a free hand through his locks, he doesn't hide his astonishment. "You're fucking gorgeous, girlie." He whistles lowly, eyeing you with a new kind of regard.

"I-I uh." Your face is all shades of red by now, the adrenaline from kicking ass wearing down. "Let's go."

"How is that bag so heavy?" One of the fallen gasps out in pain, clutching his ribs as he trembles on the floor. "Like a buh-brick."

A part of your zipper in open, and Childe briefly peeks out of morbid curiosity. His jaw slackens. "Is that a...no, it can't be."

"It's a brick." You murmur guiltily, gnawing at your bottom lip. "Just in case." Fingers tentatively play with the straps.

Childe is head over heels by now, all smitten as a foreign warmth bubbles up in his throat, and he's just about sure he'll puke his heart out.

His next words are picked out carefully. "There's an underground fight club going on—"

You lock and aim for his right kidney.

Worth a try, Childe thinks.

"SIKE. Joking—joking. Just a joke." He insists, gloved hands raised by his ears in defence.

Clicking your tongue, you scowl and rush past him.

It hasn't even been an hour and it's been the most exciting date Childe's ever experienced. When he sees your lips twitch, he knows it's the same for you as well.

"Are we going or not?" You mumble, avoiding eye contact, a tinge of red still decorating your cheeks.

Childe crumbles into his hands at your deadly duality. One that comes for his enemies and one that comes straight for his heart.

[songofclarity]

Tell me more about Wen Yuan as Wen Ruohan's son. Does he remember his father? One day draw him? Go: Hey I remembered what my dad looks like.

Lan Wangji: *sweats*

Or something else. How would Sizhui feel about Ruohan being his father? Would Wen Ning reveal it? If he is forced to? Etc?

After becoming sick in the Burial Mounds, Wen Yuan forgets all about the Wens and Wei WuXian, but considering he remembers them all later, the memories are still there somewhere. All is not lost!

Which means we deserve Wen-turned-Lan Yuan having Rapunzel-like moments during his temporary amnesia where he draws suns on everything. Very bright yet innocent suns drudged up from forgotten places. And maybe one day he draws a man! A man wearing white robes just like the Lans--Oh..

Oh, it is not a Lan. Lan Yuan has drawn some suns on the white robe... A golden guan? Wait, is that a sun on the guan, too...?

Lan Yuan, happily: "Yes! I saw it in my dream!"

Lan WangJi: *sweats*

Now we time jump thirteen years after he was adopted as a Lan to when he regains his memories at ~eighteen years old. Suddenly he remembers Wei WuXian! He remembers the Burial Mounds and the Wen Remnants! He remembers he was a Wen!

He remembers... everything down to when he was three years old. He might remember Qiongqi Path because it was traumatic and on the borderline, but...

He has forgotten Wen RuoHan. He has forgotten his mother. He has forgotten Nightless City. Because there is a quirk in the human brain that results in a phenomenon called Childhood Amnesia: we all forget our memories from when when we were three and under by the time we are an adult.

Which means only Wen Ning alone would know the whole truth of Wen Yuan's birth parents. Not even Wei WuXian knew the truth, much less Lan WangJi. Wen Ning is just a treasure trove of reveals in MDZS! (Bless him!)

Important canon to remember (from ch. 111, in case I forget): after Lan SiZhui reveals he remembers he is a Wen to Wangxian, he already had plans to go immediately with Wen Ning to bury the ashes of the Wens in Qishan. Wen Ning also tells Wei WuXian he plans to build a cenotaph for Wen Qing. Wei WuXian offers to go with them, but Wen Ning turns him down and tells him to go with Lan WangJi instead.

Now a consideration: Wen Qing was important to both Wen Ning and Wei WuXian, so why would Wen Ning basically turn Wei WuXian away? Perhaps it is because there are even more memories and stories Wen Ning wants to tell Lan SiZhui in privacy: namely, the truth of his father and his origins in Nightless City!

Once Lan SiZhui remembers he is a Wen, I don't think there would be harm in telling him Wen RuoHan was his father. He is happy with his Lan family and Lan WangJi has been a great brother/father figure, of course, but I think it would be important to him culturally and personally to know everything and reconnect with those roots.

Plus Wen Ning and Lan SiZhui bonding time!

Lan SiZhui finding out Wen Chao and Wen Xu were his brothers, and considering what they did to Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi respectively, might actually be the worst part as those crimes hit so close to home. His brothers treated Wei WuXian and Lan WangJi cruelly, but Wangxian both treated Lan SiZhui kindly.

Lan SiZhui grew up kind because being cruel is not what makes a Wen. There are good people and bad people, good Wen and bad Wen.

And the stories say Wen RuoHan was bad...

But the one telling him about his family and their past is Wen Ning! Wen Ning at one point believed he was the last Wen, and yet he never criticized or blamed Wen RuoHan for anything that had happened. Not once does he ever describe or treat Wen RuoHan like a person to be feared. Wen Ning even undermined Wen Chao without a second thought! Wen Qing, a hero to all the Wen Remnants, was a favorite of Wen RuoHan's, too, and she never said anything bad about Wen RuoHan, either. Regardless of whatever picture the world has painted of him, Wen RuoHan was good to his family and Wen Ning would know!

Wen Ning could describe to Lan SiZhui what it was like to live in Nightless City and what the people and culture were like at home. Events, festivities, competitions! New faces and old!

But Wen Ning was shy and he often got lost in the background. He wouldn't speak up so sometimes he was left behind and ignored. So his stories are full of gaps and missing pieces. Many of his stories are supplemented by what Wen Qing told him. Maybe he has forgotten or misremembered many things.

All too soon Lan SiZhui might long to have actually lived in Nightless City and have known Wen RuoHan himself, as children so often long to know their birth parents. Would he have been comfortable growing up in Nightless City? Would he have liked Wen RuoHan? Would Wen RuoHan have liked him? Wen Ning reveals how Wen RuoHan wasn't just a great cultivator, but enjoyed encouraging the talents of others, such as Wen Qing and (regrettably) Meng Yao. What talent in Lan SiZhui would Wen RuoHan have recognized? Lan SiZhui learned the guqin because Lan WangJi knew the guqin, but what cultivation technique would he use if he grew up as Wen Yuan in Nightless City?

Lan SiZhui and Wen Ning arrive in Qishan and stand on an empty, deserted road. A road where Wen cultivators used to walk about and gossip, because gossip was not forbidden here. A road where Wen cultivators used to talk in loud voices and laugh, because there were no rules about silence here.

Everything is silent now. Everything is quiet. Surely a part of Lan SiZhui's thoughts would weigh heavily on the family and home he never got to know, and the father who had, by all means, made him feel safe and loved once upon a time that he cried out to him for help when lost on the busy streets of Yiling.

After all, "SiZhui" means "to long for" and it would be nice if he was allowed to embrace his own new identity by longing for what he himself has lost.

[modlisznik]

Dankovsky thoughts let's goooo

(judging by the shards of Discourse reaching me despite all the blocks it's literally the worst time to publish this, but well)

Now, I'm supporting this interpretation mostly on Patho 2 and Marble Nest and I'm aware that the moment the Bachelor's route sees the light of day (WHEN???) it all can turn out wildly inaccurate and frankly just my wishful thinking... but hell, it's certainly no less skewed and personal than all the other takes flying around. Besides, it's all just an interpretation of this one humble actor, Mark Immortel gave me the permit, sue me.

What I often see discussed in fan spaces is "what if Daniil wants to defeat death because (personal_reason)". What if it's supposed to prove his usefulness to the powers that be? What if he grew up as an overachieving kid with strict parents, and now he feels he's a fraud and a failure unless he literally does the impossible thing? What if he suffers from thanatophobia, so it's a fight against the source of his very real fear? What if there's a personal tragedy, someone dead who he desperately wants to bring back? Now I'm not here to bash anyone's interpretation, we're all valid here and I love seeing all these ideas, that's what the fandom is for. But what I, Mo, wish to see in this character is a little different.

First, the dying - it's about control. Danko is all about control, whether it's how quickly he jumps into action and assumes a directive role, how frustrated he is about people disregarding orders... and that lovely Latin quote in Diurnal ending; while Artemy mostly goes with the flow and trust his intuition, Daniil wants to seize control of the situation and play his most optimal scenario. With the way he talks about his work in Thanatica, I don't get the feeling that their goal was full and total immortality, complete eradication of the phenomenon of dying (think about all the folk tales about closing Death in a bottle and the mayhem that ensues), but rather understanding and, ultimately, controlling the process of dying. To give people means and tools to decide whether they *want* to die at this point or not. And... it's a good thing? And not at all selfish, mind you, he's not like a lich in D&D, he doesn't seek to stop his own death. Or even the death of someone he loves. From what we know, his goals are genuinely altruistic. To stop people from dying unless they want to is a good thing, that's a benefit to humanity as a whole. And it's a benefit not lesser than the gift of flying, of defying gravity; just like with flying, it's not about eradicating the gravity (because it has certain benefits lol) but about controlling the fall. The whole idea might sound stupid, fantastical, utopian, but hey - we made some progress in this field already since the times Patho - presumably - takes place, we now understand death as a lack of brain functions rather than lack of heartbeat; who knows what's next. We should study it, we should ask questions. But it wouldn't be interesting if Daniil was just a humble lab-dwelling scientist. Since he has all this dramatic aura of a mad scientist around him, since he speaks about his study in the terms of "fighting death", he invites questions about his motives. At one hand, I get it - people who are happy and feel fulfilled don't pick impossible fights so yeah, it's fair to speculate what kind of damage made him this way. But on the other hand... there's this idea that every time we get a character whose aim is to disrupt the status quo we're almost conditioned to assume that they are somehow damaged, hurt, broken, that under all their ideas lies some trauma that we can point our fingers at and say "aha, so that's what it was all about, see, you aren't happy in this world because you are broken. The world is fine as it is, let's get you some therapy". I just don't vibe with it, and I disagree with the idea that every attempt at the betterment of mankind must come from the place of trauma, must be fuelled by trauma; I don't want to think that the only kind of motivation is the negative one. There are beautiful stories to be told about that, but I don't want for them to be the only story.

I want Daniil who actually, genuinely loves humanity. I want him to really be exceptionally intelligent, well educated and decide that since he has these extraordinary means, it is his duty to put them to the best possible use because you can demand the most from those who have the most and what goal could be nobler for a doctor than to give people an upper hand against death? I want him to have that aura of the XIX scholars who still unironically believed in progress (and were more than a little into occultism). I want him to dream about growing apple tree gardens in the desert (to hell with sustainable agricultural practices lol) while recognizing that people still need bread, even if they need dreams more. And I want him to be a vain, petty dandy with short temper and a capability to be a tiny wee murderous, because people are allowed to be messy and contradictory

So he loves humanity, but has troubles loving, or even relating to particular people. He's self-absorbed, and his focus is at the same time too wide and too narrow, because while he fights the fight of the largest possible scope - against death, against god and nature for the betterment of all mankind - he fails to take into account all the mundane struggle of the people around him. I don't believe that he despises people, as the Death says in Marble Nest, but rather underestimates them. As many of the truly passionate, he can't believe that the people around him could NOT recognize the importance of his work, realize that he's doing it all for them and at least not get in his way. He assumes that people are, at their core, rational and will behave reasonably - or rather, the way he expects them to, the way he himself would behave, because he has trouble putting himself in someone else's shoes. And he ends up disappointed, over and over, when his ideas about what would people do clash against people being, well, people with their own agendas. When the Plague strikes, he does what's rational - orders a quarantine, forbids people from leaving their homes and so on -expecting people to recognize the level of danger the same way he does and comply for their own good; lo and behold, his safety measures are being broken left and right. When the corpses pile up, he expects people to understand the sanitary hazard the same way he does and recognize that the very real threat of *another* outbreak is more important than the words of a distressed girl living at the graveyard. He wants them to disregard their personal plans and customs because that's what he would do. At the same time yes, he is arrogant, he assumes he knows best, he immediately puts himself at the very top of the responsibility ladder - but I get the feeling that it's not because he thinks so poorly of anyone else, rather so highly of himself, expects so much from himself. And as a result of seeing himself as the most crucial person around - to fight the plague; I don't think he considers himself important because of who he is but what he does - he ends up with this patronizing attitude that he considers others his helpers, the extension of his will, or not at all. where I'm getting with this? I'm not sure; I really don't have list of themes I want to see in his route, I trust in the devs to handle it with the same care that hook me in the Artemy's route. I'm curious about what kind of story they want to tell. But in the meantime - we all know it's going to be bittersweet at best and something something about flying too close to the sun and how every miracle is paid with blood. Still, we need people dreaming about these miracles and for once, I wish that this dream was born out of love

[prettywordsyouleft]

Labelling Love | Part 1 (Collab)

Summary: Meeting you changed the way Eunwoo viewed romance and love entirely.

Pairing: Cha Eunwoo x female reader

Genre: university au / romance / fluff

Warnings: none

A/N: Welcome to the second series in the monthly Love In Fours Ways collab with @jackiejacks923​ @noona-clock​ & @this-song-thats-only-for-you​ . In the final week of each month during this collab, we’ll be each sharing a mini-series using 4 of the pictures/concepts illustrated in the book that inspired our series that I’ve credited below. 

Credit to: Puuung - Love Is In The Small Things // #76 , #60 , #4 , #33

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 // Collab Masterlist

Part 1 - Not Being Able To Concentrate Because She's There

Cha Eunwoo didn’t believe in love at first sight. Or upon a second or even a third look. He was certain that it was nothing but a phenomenon of the hopeless romantic. A guise that someone who wanted to fall in love badly held over the top of feelings that could be more easily described as attractive or interesting. Eunwoo had met many people in his lifetime that he could easily commit to saying he was attracted to or interested in upon first sight. Such was the nature of being human, so he thought.

However, love was something that came with time. A feeling that grew with experiences shared together, not something you felt straight away. He was a firm believer of this.

So what exactly could he call the feeling that was making his heart beat erratically in his chest as he watched you right now?

Blinking forcibly in attempts to regain control over his physical reaction, Eunwoo licked at his lips, realising his breath was heightened. Now clamping his lips together, he did everything he could to tear his eyes away from your direction and back to the guide in front of him.

“This is the campus library. I hope you took down notes on how to get here because you’ll be spending a lot of your time cramming here. There are eleven floors and this place houses pretty much every book about absolutely everything you could ask a question about. This area here is known as the main study lobby. Most students find the second-floor study area pretty noisy though so if you’re…”

Eunwoo lost his focus again on the tour and slipped back to you at one of the tables quietly reading a book. Sliding your hand onto your neck to better support your head as you continued perusing the pages before you, Eunwoo gulped as his skin began to tingle.

“Its attraction,” he breathed out slowly, trying to claim the feeling overwhelming him as that. It didn’t feel like enough to say it was mere attraction though and Eunwoo frowned. “I’m interested too.”

“And I’m intrigued,” another voice announced, nudging Eunwoo playfully. Glancing at the fellow freshman at his side, Eunwoo cringed at his high school buddy Harvey overhearing his outspoken thoughts. “Who are you attracted to? The tour guide? She’s like forty, dude.”

“No, but if you are, by all means ask her out when we’re done.”

“So then who? The rest of us are guys. But hey, if you’re unsure and want to experiment-”

“Could you stop yourself from talking instead?” Eunwoo replied dryly, dragging his feet reluctantly as the group started to move along. He glanced over his shoulder back in your direction, blinking when he found the table you had been reading at now empty. Spinning around, he thought he saw the end of your ponytail descending the stairs at the front of the building but he couldn’t be too sure.

Harvey jostled him around. “Whoever she is, maybe you imagined her. She could be the girl of your college dreams.”

“Sometimes I wonder if I would be better off imagining up a new friend than having you around, Harvey,” Eunwoo commented before letting out a sigh.

Perhaps you were just a fleeting moment of temptation, after all.

Eunwoo was simultaneously relieved and horrified to find that you existed the following day at his first lecture. Harvey’s teasing had simmered down somewhat when the tour moved out of the library and Eunwoo began to believe maybe his friend was right and he conjured you up.

Seeing you in the flesh again solved the puzzle of whether you existed or not.

However, as the hairs stood up on his arms and his eyes fixated on the side of your head as you moved across the front of the lecture hall to the staircase, Eunwoo was troubled by seeing you in person again.

His physical reaction only felt greater this time as well.

Not this row, he begged internally as you came closer to where he was set up, closing his eyes when you diverted towards him. Of course, the universe was testing him right now. Still, he didn’t understand why you of all the people in this world had to cause his insides to implode with nervous excitement like this.

“Hello,” you greeted softly and pointed at the seat you had stopped before. “Can I sit next to you?”

“Oh uh um well uh-”

You grinned. “It’s just the centre of the room and the row, so...”

“That’s exactly why I chose this spot,” he admitted and you bit your lip to control your delight before sitting down.

“I’ve always been the only one who chooses by the environment on where to sit that I’ve known of.”

“Well it makes the most sense to,” he managed to comment and you nodded along eagerly. “You have to be comfortable in order to learn.”

“Precisely! I’m so glad to finally meet someone who thinks the same. I’m Y/N and you are?”

“Eunwoo,” he replied, taking the hand you held outstretched towards him.

He had to clamp his mouth shut before the squeak building up in his throat was expelled, his cheeks feeling hot with his efforts. You mirrored the flushed expression before letting go.

“It’s nice to meet you, Eunwoo. I hope this semester will be productive for the pair of us.”

The first lecture was anything but productive. Eunwoo couldn’t concentrate for the first time in a learning environment in years. And when he hadn’t been as focused in the past, it was due to being unwell and needing to be resting at home, not because a gorgeous girl had sat down beside him. He was well versed in ignoring others around him when learning.

It threw him completely to be unable to focus at all with you next to him.

Eunwoo chalked it up to first day nerves. Or anything else he could kid himself of. But after a second lecture with no true coherency of what was being spoken about in the class and then on the third being called upon and blanking over an answer he knew in great detail from previous study, Eunwoo knew it was due to you.

The problem was he liked you too much to try and avoid you. It wasn’t just the physical reaction now either. Every time you arrived early for class and you chatted over topics before the professor arrived. He was enamoured by the way you thought. Conversation was all too easy between you.

Which was why you didn’t hesitate to gesture to his empty page. “Another day of not taking down notes?”

“Hah, yeah.”

“Don’t tell me you’re one of those geniuses who don’t need to write down information to remember and ace all your tests,” you breathed, leaning towards him.

Eunwoo wished right now he was one of those types. He was immensely grateful that all lectures were recorded so he could cram in note-taking later when he was back home. Staring down at his blank page, he let out a nervous laugh. “Nope, that’s not me.”

“Then? Is the content too hard? I could help you during lunch today to get your head around it?” you offered, blinking softly.

He should have been honest with you then, however, the offer to have a meal with you seemed more desirable than anything else and he found himself nodding along. “Could you?”

“It’ll be my pleasure! I can’t have you falling behind so soon into the semester.” Eunwoo groaned out loud as you giggled. Glancing at you with a brief pout, he then grinned. “I’ll buy lunch then for your help.”

“Ooh, deal!”

It was evident even to you after twenty minutes of attempting to explain the situation that Eunwoo was distracted. You didn’t know why, however. At first, he was determined to make his way through the entirety of lunch fully invested in what you had to say. And for that matter, he had been invested enough to hear each word you spoke, they just didn’t make enough sense. Was it because of the perfume you had on today? It had been fragrant in class earlier on, but now squeezed into a tiny table at the back of one of the bustling campus cafes, it washed over him completely. Was it the way you brushed your hair away from your neck and placed it all to one side of your head, exposing your delicate skin? Honestly, Eunwoo couldn’t tell why he was being like this, and admittedly he was growing quite concerned for his sanity.

You were driving him down a path he had never wandered before.

Harvey’s remark about university being known as an experimental time in a young person’s life came to the forefront of his brain. Was his physical attraction to you that out of control that he couldn’t focus in your company? Or was it just you as a whole?

He whimpered with the lack of an answer.

Glancing away from your book, you placed down your pen and sighed. “This isn’t helping, is it?”

“No.”

“And it’s not the professor that’s the problem, is it?” you continued and Eunwoo shook his head sadly. “I bet the content isn’t that hard for you-”

“It’s you.”

“Excuse me?” you asked slowly, brows knitting together. “I’m the problem?”

Eunwoo opened his mouth, only for embarrassment to flare up within his stomach. How could he tell you that it was because of boyish feelings that he couldn’t concentrate in your company? He’d barely known you for a week now. It would haunt him for the rest of his semester if he confessed this early into things.

However, his lack of response had done enough damage, your hands hastily grabbing for your belongings scattered over the table in between lunch. “I’m sorry I’m such a problem. You should have told me earlier, Eunwoo.”

“No, it’s nothing like that!”

“I’ll sit somewhere else on Monday so you can concentrate on the lecture. Good luck with your semester.”

“Y/N!” he called out hopelessly, reaching out for your lower arm. You halted all movement and stared at his gentle grip over your arm.

He knew he had no other option.

“I can’t concentrate because ever since I met you, I can’t stop thinking about you.”

_________________

Part 2

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[lostonehero]

Wally smiled as he handed Victor a vanilla soft serve covered in rainbow sprinkles in a cup rather then a cone. He noticed Victor had a thing about keeping his hands clean, and he didn't want to make him uncomfortable. Lately he has noticed more of Vic's little quirks from how in certain light his hair glows, and how his eyes sparkle when he talks about his newest theory on anything he is working on, and how he always gets him his favorite coffee before they meet.

Wally had a slight crush on him, maybe, no he couldn't of. He sighs eating his ice cream in silence next to Victor trying to set himself straight.

"Did you know that ice cream is only popular in places where people have a tolerance to lactose. There is many clusters of this phenomenon in history as humas developed a tolerance to the dairy products in colder climates..." Victor continues on his own little speech about dairy, and the world wide conspiracy that lactose intolerance is some form of population control.

Wally just smiled watching Victor go on and on. He knew he had a stupid smile on his face but he didn't really care, granted he wasn't really paying attetion, and smacked his ice cream into his face.

Victor stopped his speech and started to giggle. This was the first time ever Wally heard his laugh in any capacity. He was stunned listening, and red filled his cheeks as embarrassment took over.

"I planned that, totally planned that." Wally goes to clean himself, but Victor takes out a napkin of his own and wipes off Wally's face.

"Better?" Victor looked into Wally's green eyes and gave a small smile.

Wally's mouth went dry as he tried to get his brain to start working. He was fast he shouldn't freeze trying to think of something to say. His mind raced as he got lost in Victor's blue eyes. "I uh er ummmm neat?"

Victor raised a brow. "Neat?"

Embarrassment flooded Wally's mind as he got up. "Maybe I should go."

Victor got up as well. "Are you sure I have more things to discuss." Wally could of swore he sounded almost hopeful that he would stay.

"I uh raincheck?" Wally sputtered out feeling ashamed, and conficted.

Victor nodded and frowns. "Oh alright I'm going home then."

Wally curses at himself watching Victor leave. He should of said yes and let him stay. He knew that he didn't just want Vic's help with the ash smell anymore, he didn't want a friendship, he really wanted to ask the man out.

He plopped down back on the bench with his head in his hands. How could he of let this happened? They only had been working together for six months now , and he was head over heels for the other man. He didn't even know of he felt the same way.

.........

Victor sat in a dingey bar tuning his guitar with a sigh. He spotted Micheal drinking along with Gabriel who was pretending she didn't know the drunk. She gave a thumbs up to him.

It was the same everytime he performed, the two were always there cheering him on. He did enjoy it, but now it felt different there was something missing. He just couldn't figure out what was missing and it started to infuriate him. Maybe he should ask Helena for advice, she's good at social things that he is not.

///

Gabriel approached Victor after the show. He wasn't really paying attention to her approaching, he was more focused on cleaning his guitar.

"Hey kid sorry I haven't been around." Gabriel smiles watching Victor turn to face her.

Victor nods acknowledging her presence. He did enjoy her company but she was always disconnected when talking to him. She was never really close to him. It was more like support from a distance, she cared but she never got close enough to really see him. She was suppose to be a trickster, and a trouble maker, well that is what Micheal says, and he only took his word with a grain of salt. Micheal told him something changed with her after the war, after loosing family or something along thoes lines.

Victor kept musing in his head and was taken out of it only by a tap on his shoulder. "Don't get lost in your head kid." Gabriel smiles it seemed fake as always since sadness always was present in her eyes.

"What brings you here?" Victor sighs, she never comes without strings attached. Well more so she never comes to talk with him unless she needed something or just for conversation about him. She always kept him at arms length.

Gabriel leans back. "Micheal told me you made a friend. I wanted to ask if that is true."

Victor furrowed his brows. Did she really just come to ask him that? He had a frown on his face because this didn't feel right Gabriel never cared to ask him about his personal life before, so why now. "He is a coworker, I guess a friend from work."

This answer seemed to please the angel who just nodded. "Micheal told me that, so he wasn't lying. He never does lie about you."

His frown deepens, he hated how Gabriel talked to him, and how she referred to Micheal like he was a tragedy. She always made him uncomfortable. "Right...."

He begins to pack up his things to leave. His hair standing on end as Gabriel's eyes bore holes into his back. His pockets grew heave with the sudden appearance of cash in his pockets. He didn't need the money Gabriel always gave him. He also could not refuse it if it wasn't his pockets it was his account, and it frustrated him to no end. He wasn't a child, and he didn't need her help. He turned back to face her and she was gone.

She never did stay, and it hurt. Victor never understood why it hurt him so much that she wouldn't stay.

......

Wally sat in the uncomfortable metal chair waiting to see his father through the glass. He hated how this prison started to feel like a second home, even if it was just because his dad was stuck here on false charges which he can't fix without time going screwy. He sighed messing with his hands as his thoughts began to drift to other matters.

"Wally?" His dads voice rang in his ears causing him to look up.

"Hi dad I know this isn't our normal day but I wanted to talk." Wally glanced at the clock, only an hour left of this visit and counting.

"You seem off kiddo, whats wrong?" His dad asked worry filled his voice.

Wally knew even behind bars his father knew him best, well his aunt also knew him really well, and his uncle if he was still around. He shook his head. "Its not really a problem, its just I met this guy."

His father raises his brow. "Is this the same guy who talked to you for over two hours about plastic bottles?"

"Maybe...." Wally looked away already feeling his face go red.

His father smiles knowingly. "Wally I already knew you were lovestruck. Have you asked him out yet?"

Wally's face went several shades darker. "I can't we work together. Its not proper, and what if it doesn't work out then it would be awful at work."

"Well how do you know it won't work?" His dad asked a good question Wally wasn't really ready to face.

He sighs to himself, maybe he could ask Victor out. The meals they shared, movies watched together, and he was even invited to his concerts. For any other couple that would be classified as dating wouldn't it? He wasn't so sure of himself, he didn't want to ruin what they had.

"I don't know dad, I don't think I'm ready." Wally sighs and frowns.

"Nobody is ready to take a jump into love. I was terrified when I asked your mother out." His dad smiles always knowing what to say to cheer up the speedster.

Wally smiles and they both fall into a nice chatter until the time was up.

......

//3 weeks later

Victor didn't know how he got into this situation, what he did know was that his mask was off and he was trapped in a steel box with Huntress, Green arrow, and Black Canary. He does remember however that he wanted to tell them that they were friends, and he wanted to remove his mask and tell them about him.

The chains were some sort of metal that held them to the wall, and he wasn't claustrophobic, but Helena was. However not freaking out they all were looking at him. "Do I have something on my face?"

"Yeah your face." Oliver said point blank. "And you're a red head?"

"Well my mask didn't just hide my face." Victor sighs looking around and decides fuck it. "I do consider you guys more then coworkers so uh......" he proceeds to explain how he is a product of rape and was forced to watch the videos of said assault, and birth. He then explain how he wasn't entirely human, and he was abused as a child in the church. Then he explains as a day job he is a singer, and does a lot of stuff around hub city.

The three just stare blankly at Victor until Helena speaks up. "What made you say any of that?"

"Isn't that what friends do in terrible situations." Victor says nonchalantly.

Dinah frowns "Well in movies maybe, but er" she stopped herself when Helena glared at her.

"Well what Dinah said may be true, but we are happy you trust us enough to tell us things er personal things." Helena smiles

Victor nods and smiles softly. "Well we should get out of this now." He pulls his own chains out like they were made of paper. "Shall we get out now?"

Oliver sighs. "You could of done that this entire time? Seriously and you call me a poor choice in sports."

Victor raises his brow. "I don't like using my powers."

The three give a heavy sigh

........

The chaos that unfolded after they escaped and landed in the ocean of all places in a dingy. Things were kind of looking up when they saw shore. However they ended up being rescued by Batman, and everyone made excuses for Victor, they think the Bat bought it.

Frankly Victor was exhausted by the time he finally got back to his apartment, not physically mind you, but emotionally he felt like he was stabbed. Did he do something wrong being open? Was he ready to open up, and have friends? He didn't realize that he was so alone until he was honest.

He needed to mull this over.

[dumbwaystodeviate]

When Nines had been activated he had expected to be sent off into another country or something, someplace where all his skills could be used to their fullest. But as he was lead into the DPD he found no such thing awaiting him. Sure, he could do the job well, better than even, but he didn’t use a lot of his processing power for it. Even being assigned to Detective Reed hadn’t used much of it, almost disappointed if he could be.

From what Nines had heard, he had expected Gavin to be much more of a handful when they met, and yet it seemed he was more restrained. He wasn’t sure if it was from his supposed ass kicking, the laws or Nines own general aura of ‘Don’t Try Me’ that seemed to follow him that kept the man from doing the same as he had with Connor. Still, the human did try to play nice for the first few weeks at least and even for curious about all the things the RK could do.

It started after a suspect chase, Nines having run down a man faster than Gavin had ever seen. It wasn’t that great a feat if one were to ask the RK but it seems his partner thought otherwise.

“Shit, tin-man, not bad. You cleared that wall like you’ve been doing it for years.” Seeing as the RK had already gotten things under control Gavin made himself at home on the hood of another car.

Nines loaded the man in a police, closing the door with a firm slam to let the driver know he was all set in before watching the car drive off. “I was programmed with many skills that far exceed human capabilities. But thank you.” Machine or not he will still be polite.

Gavin seemed to think a moment before a grin spread over his face, jerking his head to the ally behind him. “Hey, try running up the wall. Show me what you can really do.” From his coat, Nines saw him pull a laser pointer out and point it at a higher part of the wall. “See if you can get there.”

It was a curious command, though they had work to do he couldn’t really say no. To sate the detective's curiosities he made his way down the ally, keeping his eye on the mark he backed up before booking it across the short ally and ran up the wall. His shoes didn’t have a lot of grip but he managed to get a good ten feet up and touch the brick with the pointer on it. Once landed and back on his feet, he could hear Gavin laughing.

“Holy shit you got all the way up there! Wonder how far you would get if you were dressed for it...” Thankfully whatever Gavin had been wondering had been dropped there, saving Nines the hassle of arguing about wardrobe.

The little events didn’t stop there, Gavin growing more curious and even amused with the RK as time went on. The following week had met Nines with a slow day, filing work had been so fast he even took up doing his partners just to be doing something. Once that was out of the way he started to find anything and everything to handle as to not sit idle. He was meant to often be active in work, his programming built to handle extreme stress, so the lack of was almost it’s own kind of stress.

Nines could tell Gavin was noticing it too, as he man hefted himself out of the chair and and nudged the RK’s seat. “Come on, bucket brain, tired of just sitting here waiting on shit to happen and your fidgeting is starting to piss me off.”

While Nines had no idea where Gavin was taking him he was more than ok to be out and doing something, using progressing power for something other than staring at a wall. He was quick to follow and kept in step with the shorter man, joining him in the auto car as his pre-constructions were trying to suss out where they were heading based on paths taken. As they made it a block away from the building, Gavin fiddling with his phone the whole way, he finally spoke again.

“Hey,  what weather phenomenon causes more deaths in the U.S. annually than any other except lightning?” It was such an odd thing to hear, why would Gavin ask him such a thing?

Without missing a beat, path tracking in the background, he did a quick search. “Tornadoes, around sixty.” What Gavin playing a game? 

“How many people been on the moon?” He barely glanced up at Nines, and the Rk was starting to think he was looking up the questions himself. There is no reason to ask such things.

“Twelve. Detective why do you-”

The man waved off his question. “Don’t... don’t worry about it. Just go with it.”

Nines did as he was told, answering inane questions as well as track their location and keep track of the police radio. Question after question, the android’s processors and hud became less of a mess, extra power being spent on the task given to him. As the nagging from his programming eased they pulled back up at the station, and Nines realised that Gavin had just been keeping him occupied.

“Thank you, detective.”  He didn’t need to say what for, they both knew. Slowly, he closed his eyes, trying to imitate Connor’s smile but was unable, he wasn’t built for it. At least when he opened his eyes Gavin wasn’t off put, only staring a moment before smirking, shaking his head and going back inside.

This event in itself ended up the cause of a little training program. Well less training and more like a test program to see what all Nines could do, even outside of his normal skills. So it was with this he found himself outside with Gavin and a few others that followed to spectate, the former with a controller in his hands. A quick scan showed the RK that it was to a drone. After a few moments the man was grinning and had the thing in the air, buzzing around about nine feet from the ground.

“You can catch people, but can you catch a drone?” Was all he said and Nines understood what they would be doing that day.

He didn’t need to be told his objective, staring down the drone before taking off after it. It didn’t take much for him to catch it the first time, Gavin having been fully unprepared for his speed, but he got much better at piloting it and keeping it away from the determined android. Nines always caught it in the end though, much to Gavin’s amusement. He wondered just what was so funny about this, but as long as he was fulfilling mission goals and not idling, he was ok not asking.

So the weeks went on, Nines’ downtime after finishing reports spent practicing with the drones like a hunter and even being joined by Connor from time to time. His routine kept him busy and his programming placated in it’s need for vigorous use that normally would only come from the military.

Two months into this and another day where Nines finished his work, he retrieved a coffee for the man. “Detective, when you are finished we can head outside.”

Taking a sip of his coffee, Gavin smiled. “Man, you’re cute when you get eager like that.”

This took the RK by surprise, his hug blinking in small errors. “I am made to be a killing machine, a solider in ever right. I’m not cute.”

The man scoffed. “So are cats and they are cute as fuck, so can it and just accept a complement.”

Again, his vision was tinted with a glaring, angry red. “Are you comparing me to a small, furry animal?”

Setting his drink down, Gavin started to count on his fingers. “Well lets see, you slow blink when happy, you climb things and for the last month you have been chasing and catching flying things by leaping for them. I would say that sounds like a cat.”

Each detail was like a sledge hammer to the wall of commands and prompts that always held onto him, he didn’t even know what to think about that. The cheeky look on Gavin’s face finally made it fall just so he could stare at the man, flabbergasted that he was right. He had been undoubtedly been acting like a cat and been pleased by this.

He could see Gavin knew what just happened, the chortle giving him away. “Good thing I like cats, hu? Knew there was something about you I liked.” After a moment, he made a little ‘ps-ing’ noise like one might use to call a cat, getting a deadpan look from the android.

“Oh shut up.” Despite his words, he was fighting a grin.

[theunderdogwrites]

2020: The Year I Lost My Ass

Well, we reached the end of that toilet roll only to start another one, because that is what we do for as long as we are allowed to continue revolutions around the sun – we keep going.

2020 was a terrible year for so many. My brain is incapable of processing the number of losses suffered on a global scale. Be it jobs, security, rights, sanity, relationships or life. My brain is not just incapable of these calculations, it has plain refused to entertain those thoughts on behalf of my heart. My heart, that sensitive little blood pumping work horse who not once allows itself to stop. Thank goodness.

I don’t believe the majority of people are willing and able to bring themselves to fully comprehend what was lost in 2020.

Here is a list of a few more losses suffered last year:

- People lost their shit. And over the most ridiculous things like toilet paper, having to wear a mask to secure toilet paper and being held to the consequences resulting from not wearing a mask when asked to while attempting to purchase toilet paper. Pause for a moment and let that last sentence hang around in your mind. 2020 made that happen. I didn’t make it up! Recently I saw a news piece showing a man (40’s) lying down on the floor in a Costco to protest being asked to wear a mask. He spoke loudly, he beat his hands at his sides and wildly kicked his legs when an employee asked him to get up. Now, I am not judging for I too have participated in such behaviour MANY times. Granted I was three, but hey… some of us mature faster than others.

 - People lost their damn minds. 2020 should be dubbed “The Year of The Karen”. For those of you not in the know about the Karen phenomenon, here is a description courtesy of Urban Dictionary:

 “Karen is a pejorative term used in the United States and other English-speaking countries for a woman perceived as entitled or demanding beyond the scope of what is appropriate or necessary. A common stereotype is that of a white woman who uses her privilege to demand her own way at the expense of others.’

 Basically, a Karen is a I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER type person (There is a male equivalent, but it seems no one can agree on the name… Chad, Terry, Kyle, Kevin, Steve). You can often find a Karen on her cellphone calling the police to report a black man who lives in her neighborhood, simply living his life in her neighbourhood. I didn’t make that up either.

 More recently a Karen was videoed in a UPS store claiming that she didn’t have to wear a mask because that space was government property and not a private business. Would it be safe to say that most Karen types suffer from a lack of oxygen to their brain? Possibly. But that would involve science and Karen types DO NOT enjoy hard facts.

 As always when I download my thoughts into reality, I must go within and search myself. Am I a Karen? My immediate answer is: no fucking way. I can honestly say I’ve never once asked to see a manager or called the police to report someone eating their lunch on a park bench. I do not enjoy confrontation. Unless there is a bully involved. Then I will drag that person to hell with me. I much prefer discussion over going straight to the ‘I triple dog dare you!’ approach to the world. (If you got that reference, you are my new favourite) Because that is who a Karen really is… someone who jumps right to the most extreme action in order to satisfy their need to be superior. Truly, we should feel sorry for these people because instead of engaging they’re raging. And how awful must their insides feel… always full of anger, fear and self doubt. I say instead of judging these Karen types or putting them on blast on social media, we should hug the shit out of them. Just grab them and squeeze as hard as you fucking can until they stop talking. Peaceful solutions my friends, peaceful solutions.

 - Pets lost their faith in us. Children a close second. If you are a proud owner of a pet or a child, you know exactly what I’m talking about.

I’ve always operated under the notion that my cat loves it when I’m home and hates it when I leave. 2020 has taught me it might be the other way around. Because our animals are, well, animals we just believe our presence is the greatest gift in their lives. Remember when you were old enough to be left alone by your parents and once you had the taste of that kind of freedom, you just wanted more of it and couldn’t wait for them to go out? I feel it’s like that with our pets now. We might not think animals have a routine or preferences or enjoy some alone time, but we’d be wrong.

I think at first our pets were thrilled. If we are home more it means more time for prolonged petting, walks and the opportunity to ritualistically train us to respond to their caterwauls for more food and treats than normal. But then as the weeks of lockdown and working from home increased, so did our pets desire to kill us in our sleep.

 I’m pretty sure my cat has asked me several times using her feline glare: “why the fuck won’t you just leave?”. It would be naïve of us to assume we don’t disrupt their day with our constant noise making and snacking and scotch drinking that leads to a good buzz that leads to showing too much affection to our pets. To the point where they run and hide when they see us coming. Please tell me I didn’t describe just my own experience.

 There is such a thing as everything in moderation, we know this, so I think it can be applied here. People, get away from your pets. Give them the space you often desire from human beings. Because if you don’t, that random turd in your shoe could be pointing to a much larger, more alarming problem you’re about to encounter.

 I had the absolute blessing of being able to assist in caring for and raising of my three nephews (12,9,6) for the last 11 years. So, when I say: ‘children are always watching us’, I feel I know what I’m talking about. I’ve been mimicked so often by these young boys that I’ve had to pause due to mortification. Children will hold you accountable without even knowing it. I’ve had some behaviours of mine corrected by a 5-year-old and let me tell you, it stings like hell.

 As adults, when our world was thrown into turmoil because of Covid-19, we looked to our medical health professionals and our politicians for guidance. Basically, we searched for those who would lead us. The children – looked to us. And while many adults handled this responsibility the best they possibly could, many more failed miserably and displayed attitudes I can only describe as juvenile, damaging and pathetic. I suppose it doesn’t help if the people the adults are looking to for help are themselves - juvenile, damaging and pathetic.

 When I say we still have not grasped just how much has been lost over the past year, I’m hinting at integrity, compassion and creditability. Three vital qualities you’d hope people want to instill into their children. But if they themselves are unable to display such valuable traits, what does this say for the children who are looking up to them as an example on how to act when life gets challenging?

 For myself in 2020, I gained by losing.

When they locked our gyms down for four months last spring, I came close to being one of those people who lost their shit. While people were moaning about wearing a mask for 20 minutes in the grocery store, I was contemplating if murdering those people could be considered a cardio exercise and would that hold up in a court of law.

To reflect on that time period now (especially since our gyms are closed AGAIN at the moment) the loss of the gyms brought me the knowledge of how important the routine of going to and being in the gym is to my mental health. I won’t launch into how I feel about shopping malls being open and gyms being closed despite their proven benefit to one’s overall health because then I really will lose my shit.

People always say getting to the gym is the hardest part and once they’re there it’s easy to workout. And for many that is the truth, but for me it’s all a part of the workout. Getting to the gym is the psychological effort. Putting in the work at the gym is the physical. You can’t have one without the other. I became so pathetic that I’d often walk to the closed gym from my house, stare at the closed doors and then walk home. 1.5 hour round trip. True story.

Remember a few years back everyone became obsessed with that Netflix show ‘Tidying Up with Marie Kondo’? It is the show where that lovely woman from Japan showed us all how to declutter our homes by getting rid of anything that didn’t bring us joy. Those acid wash jeans from 1989… sit with them… hold them close to your chest… if they don’t make you happy, remove them from your space. Well, the same idea can be applied to people and ideas and even feelings. And 2020 was a great year for simplifying our lives. I’ve heard so many people talk about how they can’t wait to get back to ‘normal’… not me. I’ve already started my ‘new normal’.

The loss of drama has gained me peace and a better understanding of the importance of remaining true to who I am instead of trying to please others in hopes it wins me points. Because it doesn’t. Because its inauthentic and only brings you more loss and more drama. And anxiety. And sleepless nights. And an overall sense of hatred for everyone. 2020 gave me the option to no longer care about the things that don’t make me happy and to embrace the process of letting all that stupid bullshit fade away.

It was a year of gained focus.

It was a year of gained appreciation.

It was a year of gained gratitude.

It was a year of gained love for myself.

 I’m going to leave you now, but not before I share one of my favorite songs by the Tragically Hip:

In A World Possessed by The Human Mind

Just give me the news

It can all be lies

Exciting over fair or the right thing at the right time

Everything is clear

Just how you described

The way it appears, "A world possessed by the human mind"

 Then I think I smiled

Then I think you said, "it's fine"

And quietly I dressed, in a world completely possessed by the human mind

 We're in awe of no one

We've none of their fear

Fighting's goin' nowhere and we stay right here

Where everything is quiet

A little super dangerous

"In the shadow of the law and with colours of justice"

 Then I hope I smiled

Then I'm sure you said, "It's fine"

They got no interest in a world completely possessed by the human mind

 Everything is quiet

A little super dangerous

Quiet enough to hear God rustlin' around in the bushes

Oh, but it was you

Girl, I was so afraid

You said, "You shoulda seen the look on your face"

 Then I hope I laughed

Then I hope I said, "it's fine"

And quietly undressed in a world completely possessed by the human mind

 Oh it was you

Girl, I was so afraid

You said, "You shoulda seen the look on your face"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mgXphurrsE0

[rhiminee]

Therapy Sessions: Track by track feels

So ok I’ve had time to listen to David’s new album *mumble hundred* times since it came out earlier this week and I think I finally am ready to share my thoughts and feelings as I listen to each song. Sorry this took a few days. I’ve had some personal things going on and I wanted to be in a clearer state of mind before I wrote all this down. :) Here we go!!!

Track 1 - Paralyzed

This song. This song is like a whole different side of David. I honestly don’t usually have favorites of any album but this song is such a favorite of mine. I almost don’t think it’s fair because this is the only song off the album that I’ve seen him perform in concert and that’s a huge factor for me. He SLAYS this live. It’s been out since last August and it’s so next level. It’s almost like it comes from another universe??? Not that there’s a single thing wrong with the rest of the album it’s just that this song is WOW. Its like its own entity. It’s a banger and an anthem and I could listen to it 24/7. David wails on it and you feel every second with a sense of urgency. Honestly one of my favorite things he’s ever done. Wait. Change that. It’s my favorite song he’s ever done. Period. 

Track 2 - You Worry

This title is such a false lead! lol. I thought ok this is gonna be about trying to control your worries and how to be positive, etc. But spoiler alert: David Archuleta is a sneaky cupcake. DON’T YOU WORRY BOUT ME. icu what you did there David. This song is just such a mood. It starts off kinda slow but then it kicks up after the first verse and you know David is messing with you. It’s almost got a reggae type chill vibe to it with the ya-da-da-da-da and the melody. Or maybe that’s just me. “I’ve got my reasons why I am the way I am, so don’t you worry me”. “Living life in a bubble still comes with it’s troubles, I’ve still got a lot to learn about me but that’s ok.” This reminds me of a more mature version of Other Things In Sight from his last album. Like he was a bit bothered in OTIS but now he’s just like whatev. lol. I love it!! One of my faves from this album.

Track 3 - Ok, All Right

This is the 2nd of 3 songs on this album that we had already heard when the album was released. This song is fun and a good mantra for 2020 to try to keep ourselves sane. We need it. I like the sassiness of this and the unexpected changes in melody! David did an acoustic version of it during his launch party that I’m fully 100% in deep love with. Check it out if you get a chance.

Track 4 - Patient

Oh hi, song that I love! I don’t know why I love this so much but I would put it in my top songs on the album. Maybe it’s the stutter singing (is that what you call it??? Le-le-le-le-le-let me know) it makes my heart feel joyful. “I tell myself remember, remember to breathe, I’m trying to be patient, so won’t you please be patient, be patient with me” “Jump the gun, tend to run off at the mouth, I see that it’s in your eyes” “Find the beauty in the letting go, hurry up and learn to take it slow”. It’s almost got a bit of an R&B feel to it. Is that just me?? Maybe it’s just me. I have a pure love for this song. It just makes me so happy listening to it.

Track 5 - Need

This one of only two slower tempo songs on the album (Just Breathe is the other). David uses his lower register, especially in the first verse. Honestly when this song started I was like...is this a duet? Who is singing? Lmao. It was David. In addition to it being a lower register there’s almost a bit of a slurry quality to his pronunciation when he sings here. Or maybe it’s an overlay for the song? Idk. His voice just sounds different to me here. I’m gonna be honest and say this is my least favorite track on the album. Maybe I need to listen more. It’s not a bad song, just not my vibe and the vocals throw me off a bit. Listen and let me know what y’all think!

Track 6 - Brave

This song is such a change of pace from the previous one! It’s got an intriguing percussive cadence in the beginning, fast singing with short phrases and then bursts out into long soaring notes in the chorus, braaaaaaaaaaave!! It’s also has the honor of containing the lyric “bit me in the butt” and I laughed so hard I had had to start the song over. I really like this one!

Track 7 - Good in the Bad

THIS SONG. I wasn’t sure what to think the first time I listened. My brain was like, do I like this? Then the second time I was like, ok yeah. Then the third time and the next 500 times I was like, hi you are my true love. Seriously my level of obsession with this song now. If Paralyzed wasn’t on this album this would be my favorite song. I don’t think Paralyzed should count because yeah it’s a phenomenon and should not be compared to anything else. So. This is my favorite song on the album. I love love love love it. I can’t stop listening. “When it all goes wrong and you’re having a moment, you got to go all out, go bring back the sun out. And if it all goes wrong and you’re living in darkness, well that’s the only way the stars can shine” YES SIR “Fear is like a magnet that keeps pulling you down, so take another look because yeah it won’t take you long, give a break to your mind”. I don’t know why this song speaks so much to me but it does. Maybe because I tend to get stuck worrying about worst case and bad things that could happen and have happened. I know you can’t just ignore that stuff but idk this song just hit me different. Also the cadence and beat really drives the message. I just love everything about it.

Track 8 - Switch

Omg yep. #2 fav song after Good in the Bad. This is such an earworm! Honestly very radio friendly song. “why do i do that why do i do that” that hook. I always hit the switch and the tables start to flip, then the walls come up again, the beginning starts to end. why do i do that. Y’all. I feel that on every level. You need this song in your life. Along with Paralyzed it’s one of only two songs on this album that’s just plainly stating here’s my problem without offering a solution or “hey it’s ok we’re all like that”. I appreciate that David offers these songs too. I know and completely understand that for him music is about offering a message and hope and help to others. That’s one thing I love so much about him. But I also like that sometimes he just says here’s my issues. The humanity jumped out, that sometimes we’re just critical of ourselves without positive thoughts. Sometimes you just wanna be sad or mad at yourself. There’s time later to re-focus. It’s ok to just claim that personal honesty for a bit. If that even makes sense. But yeah. Love love this song. It’s a true jam.

Track 9 - Just Breathe

This song is like a bath in warm silk after you’ve been cold and lonely. It’s an experience. It’s like meditation in song form. Refreshing and hypnotizing. ‘I am not weak I am strong, there is still more I can offer. Someday you’ll see the better version of me. When it all stops spinning, when it all slows down. I was swimming deeper but I didn’t drown. Just breathe. So I open up to the flow and learn to love you as we go, until I don’t think I just know.’ It’s like a midsummer night’s dream in song form. <3

Track 10 - Future Self

So true and surprisingly funny! This is such a quirky song. Any song that references reddit and smash bros gets an A+ in my book lol. I was surprised because a lot of times the last track is kind of a throw way imho but this one had me smiling and bopping! It’s a love letter to finding yourself and being kind to yourself. 

Final thoughts:

You guys are gonna laugh because I feel like I say this anytime a new album comes out but I honestly think this is my favorite album that David has ever done. It’s cohesive and fun to listen to and says a lot without being too heavy. It’s so awesome to see the progression in David’s music but even more so to know it’s a reflection of the progression in his life. He’s not afraid to say he’s got issues but he has been working hard on facing those and making strides. It shows in his music. I feel a sense of joy I haven’t heard before. This album is so good. The production quality, the vocals are on point, the beats are stellar. Please check it out if you haven’t already!

http://lnkfi.re/TherapySessions

[crystalldragon]

activating plan B: physical contact

"Genji wants to regain his joyful and affectionate side. Zenyatta helps him. Through physical touch.”

oneshot (2,158 words)

ao3 link | or read it down below ↓

The first thing Genji had learned about Zenyatta was that he was a welcoming presence to everyone in the monastery, at all times. It had puzzled him to the point where he'd thought of Zenyatta as some otherworldly creature, something beyond human understanding that was sent to earth to bless them. But as time went on, this figment made way for the small, but intense reason behind this phenomenon: Zenyatta loved and was loved with an unbelievable intensity. The fact that Genji watched an omnic give the most care and love ever seen in his life made it even weirder and more unusual.

He felt weak in comparison. Empty. Devoid of love, of trust, of empathy. The complete opposite of everything Zenyatta embodied.

At the monastery, he was confronted with this every day. Or more accurately, every day he spent with Zenyatta. The monk would greet his fellow monks with such warmth in his voice, while most times Genji could not utter more than a small noise or a quiet mumble that resembled a “Hey". The way they managed conversations were worlds apart. Zenyatta was an outspoken person, curious and sincere. Genji would struggle to find interest in anything, much less what the others had to say, and then he would remember how easy Zenyatta made keeping a conversation seem and feel like a complete loser. It hadn't been always like this for him. How could he sink from the cheeky young boy he was, to the bottom, where he was right now?

―

"How do you do it?" Genji asks Zenyatta after the two monks they've talked to left the room they were currently in. They had helped prepare a vegetable soup for Genji and the other humans in the village.

"Do what?" the monk asks with curiosity in his voice.

"Be like... that. I mean, how affectionate you are towards other people. I wish I could be like that too." Genji takes a spoonful of the soup and feels the warmth of it enter his body. He isn't as sensitive to the cold as a normal human being. Nonetheless he still appreciates the warmth of a freshly made meal or a thick blanket. Or the warmth of Zenyatta's nature. If only I could be that warm, he thinks.

"You will learn to be like that, in time," Zenyatta replies.

Genji stops in his eating to look at him in earnest. "But I don't want it to take so long."

"Patience, Genji. Healing take its time." Zenyatta has said those words so often. Genji understands the importance of them by now and yet he can't grasp why it takes so much time for him to get better at pretty much everything that doesn't involve killing.

"You would not tell a growing plant or a grub in a cocoon to hurry up with their development. Every new stage of life is preceded by a stage of slow and agonizing growth. And for you, Genji, that stage is exceptionally long, since you have been through so much."

Genji knows, he knows, Zenyatta will believe in his recovery, no matter how long it takes. But even with this tremendous amount of support, it's hard to see his own progress when everything's so hard. "I just want... to feel. Anything. To get out of this emptiness. If I just could feel deeply joyous for longer than a day... Then I could show others the same warmth you do. That's all that I ask for."

"If that is what you ask for, then we will focus on just that. Starting tomorrow."

"Eh? How?" Genji stares at him in confusion.

Zenyatta, instead, nods towards his meal. "Eat up before it gets cold. You will see, everything will be alright." He places his hand near Genji's, not touching him but undoubtedly in his vision, assuring him he's not alone.

―

After Genji finished his meal, they parted ways, him going to sleep and Zenyatta going to the edge of the village to meditate. In the end, he gives up on meditating and thinks about Genji instead. How can he help him more efficiently? He obviously hasn't tried good enough. Iris, he thinks, his impatience may has rubbed off on me. Or why am I getting so frustrated about his slow progress?

He can't remember ever being so involved in a student. Sure, he cared about his other students and fellow monks and their wellbeing deeply. But with Genji, something else in him woke up. A deep desire to see him get better, to leave this hole in which he is currently behind and embrace the beautiful man he is beneath that mask. He's already been close to losing him several times now, and he will not under any circumstances let anything like that happen to Genji again. Recovery has its ups and downs. He has learned that through students who were in similar situations. But none of them were quite like Genji. Maybe... Zenyatta thinks, I should be more honest to him and myself. Maybe I have not shown him enough how much he is loved and cherished. That will be it. He finishes his train of thought and goes to his room in the sanctum.

Zenyatta always encourages Genji, talks him through his fears and helps him find clearness. He also accompanies him to his meals; they often meditate together and help the villagers together. But through all that, the monk has been physically distant to Genji. With him learning to accept his new body and all that, he fears it would do more harm than good. Besides, he is his student and he knows he shouldn't coddle him like a baby when he's a fully grown man. He hasn't felt the need to do so before, so there wasn't any problem. Until he and Genji got to know each other better. Over time, it happened more often that Zenyatta wished nothing more than to hug Genji to hopefully make his problems disappear even if just for a moment. It wasn't anything the omnic had felt before - he used to do fine with just his teachings. The people before didn't have a new body to get used to, so Genji was new territory, sort of. And whoever it is, maybe his "brain", his "heart" or some part of his soul, it is telling him to be more affectionate to Genji. So, he'll try just that.

―

"Good morning, Genji," the omnic says as they meet the morning after that on their way to the village. The sun has already risen, and a blueish clear sky stretches out above them. "Do you mind if I hug you?" He asks.

"I, uh... no," Genji answers. He's startled at first, but once he sees Zenyatta's hesitation he nods again and moves closer to put his arms around him. It feels... nice. Which is unexpected.

He has avoided touch for so long, since the thought of anyone touching his... body, or rather Overwatch's gruesome idea of a body, made him want to throw up the remainder of his organic insides. He isn't what he used to be, nothing of him is what it used to be. He didn't trust his body to do anything besides killing. Affection, let alone love wasn't possible in this body. Or so he thought.

Zenyatta had changed something in him. The warmth and openness he radiated - he wanted to be like that too. If not for himself, then for his master. Not many things made him happy at first but doing or saying something that made Zenyatta proud or happy always made him happy, too.

―

They said nothing more after that and walked side by side to the village, their arms and hands brushing against each other every now and then. No one said anything about their displays of affection, but the villagers surely took notice. Amongst their people, the... bond Zenyatta and Genji shared didn't go unnoticed. Some found it cute, some even went so far as to make bets on how long it would take for them to enter a relationship.

"It would take veeery long," said Asha, one of the younger villagers. She was a specialist in gossip, though she would never spread anything that would seriously harm someone. But Genji and Zenyatta's love for each other was just that obvious. To everyone. Except to themselves. "They are both oblivious. And scared. Genji's been through a lot. He needs time."

In the end, nothing changed around them except for a few more sly smiles from the community.

"I'm happy you are finally getting better," one of the elder villagers once said to Genji, while he and Zenyatta were holding hands and passing him by. Genji had said nothing, only nodding in acknowledgement, but under his mask, he was blushing.

―

As time went one, their physical affections were pretty much ingrained into their daily routine. A hug every morning, holding hands while walking to the village or to the monastery, a hand on ones back when they were not feeling well, a pad on the shoulder when they had accomplished something, their knees touching during meditation and so on.

A hand on Genji's scarred but warm cheek, after he had shown Zenyatta his face for the first time.

His forehead pressed against the omnics glowing dots, feeling each other’s warmth.

Zenyatta holding Genji after one of his nightmares and letting his orbs chime around them in a soft glow until he falls asleep again.

And one day, something they both didn't expect.

It was after their weekly sparring session. Once they'd arrived at Genji's room, he took off his mask, steam puffing out of his valves at its release. They were both worn out but happy. Sparring was not only about staying fit but also a form of entertainment for them. It was about getting to know their bodies, its limits and capabilities. Oftentimes, their sparring sessions ended with one of them pulling the other one down and them falling down into the snow, fully exhausted but still laughing.

"You okay?" Genji asks Zenyatta with a slight smile on his face. Usually, he would be the one to be asked if he's okay. But now it's not just his fight anymore. It's about them supporting each other. Genji already knows that Zenyatta sometimes gets into fights with his fellow monks. It's never anything big, but they had some disagreements which saddened the monk. He had trusted Genji with this because they were equals now. Zenyatta wasn't just the perfect, calm monk that helped Genji. Genji wasn't just the depressed, angry cyborg that needed help. The more Genji became emotionally stable, the more they became like close friends and less like student and master. And so, more often they would just talk about their thoughts and feeling about various topics while watching the clouds pass them by.

Zenyatta nods and for a few moments they just sit there, side by side, looking at each other.

Maybe it's the adrenaline, maybe it's the sensations of their bodies falling onto each other at the end of their sparring session, but when Zenyatta looks at Genji and says, voice full of adoration, "You are so beautiful, Genji." He couldn't help but lean onto the omnic and kiss him softly on what would be his cheek.

Upon realizing what he just did, Genji blushes and turns his head away from him to look outside. He opens his mouth to apologize but Zenyatta wouldn't let him finish, instead touching his cheeks with his metallic fingers, the cyborgs warmth sipping through his cold fingers. And now, Zenyatta, the one who otherwise has something to say about everything, now feels like he's at a loss of words.

"Genji, I..." he starts, not sure what he even wants to say. He takes a deep artificial breath in. "Please... do not ever have any doubts of my feelings for you. I promise you, I adore you more than anything else in my life."

A small sound of happiness escapes Genji and he feels his eyes burning with tears. Wanting to hide this vulnerability, he buries his face in Zenyatta's neck and hugs him tightly. He feels the warmth beneath the metal plates and hears the quiet hum of machinery.

Zenyatta pats his back, quietly repeating phrases like "It's okay" and "I'm here for you". Genji maneuvers himself so his head rests in the monks’ lap and smiles up at him through his still wet eyes. Zenyatta brushes his messy hair out of his face and hums happily, continuing to stroke his head. Genji feels his eyes get heavy from exhaustion and his breath slowing down.

"Thank you... for everything," he whispers before he closes his eyes and soon enough, falling asleep. Behind them, the sun has already set, dipping the room in a faint pinkish hue. Zenyatta steals one last glance at the cyborg before going into hibernating mode himself, feeling happier than ever before.

[deathfrisbeeinthetardis]

Dark is the Night, but You're Safe with Me

People seemed to like the first one I wrote Light on the Hill, so here’s a sequel, @q-unsolved I wrote a second one to the dream-inspired one :)

Summary:  

They shoot a three-parter episode to get the fans familiar with Shane. The flashlight turns on a second time against Shane’s smile, and the dots connect in Ryan’s head. or What if they stayed the whole night.

Read below or find it on Ao3! 

“I don’t think they have the power to turn it back on again frankly. I really think they don’t”

He doesn’t think he’s breathing at the moment, that’s how tense he is. His nails are digging into the rubber gip of the camera extension and the door handle is a sharp pressure in his side as he leans back as far as he could, away from the stupid kitchen counter and the stupid flashlight.

“Ryan?” Shane’s grinning, tone almost chiding as he knelt down to get a closer look. How the fuck was he not freaked out by this?

The flashlight turns on.

Ryan screams, of course he does, it’s a sensical response. Shane’s laugh rings out at the same time, face illuminated on one side by the glow of the maglight, eyes curving into crescent moons.

Something in the back of Ryan’s mind clicks. He knows those eyes. They belonged to the warmth on a cold streetside when he thought he was losing his mind, years ago. But this is Shane, has always been. And a demon just turned the flashlight on a second time.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Ryan half yells as he crosses the short distance and sticks his face up against the innocent-looking flashlight, looking it over under the glare of his own. There has to be a tampered switch, remote control or something , anything that wouldn’t suggest a demon is here. Even though the whole point of their three-part trip was to find some evidence of the supernatural, he’s not sure he wants it now.

“Keep in mind that we have to spend the night here.” Shane says with a smirk, and yes, that is definitely his friend. No one knows how to get under his skin that well.

As if it wasn’t already enough, a metallic scraping noise behind him has Ryan whipping his head around, just in time to see the light cut a bright arc across the dark counter.

And yes, maybe what Shane says about the thing being cylindrical is a good point, but it doesn’t necessarily mean Ryan’s mind hasn’t already conjured about a thousand ways they could die if the demon can move a flashlight.

“It shouldn’t be rolling back and forth like that.” Eric says, and it really doesn’t help.

Ryan’s starting to regret bringing along the paranormal investigator. He had thought it would help since they didn’t know much about ghost hunting yet, but having even him get unsettled is just adding to Ryan’s panic.

“You should have never talked to it dude, what is wrong with you?!” The words come out harsher than he means, and Shane tilts his head a little. The act almost looks predatory.

When Shane lays down on the black splotch on the basement floor, Ryan is beginning to see a trend in how these sorts of supernatural investigations are going to go.

“Rock and roll buckaroo!” The dude is enjoying this way too much for his own good.

Ryan utters some mild protests that increase in intensity when Shane starts offering him up to the demon as well. The spot where the pentagram was supposed to be didn’t really bother him, it just looked like someone poured some questionable stuff on the concrete, or possibly even lit a few small bonfires. But he didn’t like how he felt in this house, and being in the basement is just adding an extra chunk of distance between him and the front door.

 "The light’s on Ryan! Look at the light!“ Shane exclaims happily, finger pointing. On his part, Ryan’s brain is struggling to process the phenomenon without damaging his sanity.

Ryan bolts out of his seat cause there was no way he was staying near a spot of demon activity. The simultaneous movement of all three of their flashlight-holding hands plunges the room into a mess of light and stretched out silhouettes. Combined with the stress of the whole situation, Ryan was starting to lose confidence in his eyes.

Because for a split second as Shane fixes his gaze on the chair, it was like a piece of darkness extended from the edges of the room to engulf his face in shadow, his eyes looked almost entirely black.    

“Demon, we got ‘em.” Shane’s looking at him with that mischievous curve to his mouth, and Ryan leans against a wall to slow his heartbeat. These investigations are going to give him a heart attack some day, what was he thinking when he signed up for this?

It makes you feel alive , his brain supplies, with a voice that sounds way too much like Shane.

Ryan sets up an extra camera on his side of the living room, cause if he was going to get demon-murdered for the internet, there’d better be footage of it that the crew can use to tell everyone.

He lies in his sleeping bag next to Shane, and gets struck with intermittent irritation when he hears his friend’s breathing smooth into light snores between sentences. Everything’s so quiet, and the lack of sensory input is getting to him. Living in LA means there is always someone making noise somewhere, music, traffic, the occasional scream or two.

Here in the suburbs in an empty house, there’s nothing.

They had turned the lights off, and the moon’s not having its brightest time through the windows, so most of the room blend together. Ryan’s neck muscles are on the verge of revolt with how he keeps craning his head to look around. Shapes keep popping up in his vision, and the rational part of him– that had done research on human eyes before the trip– knows that’s a signal from his eyes that he needs to chill out for a second, but he just can’t bring himself to.

One of the many cons of having an active brain, he can barely shut it off when he needs to. Maybe that’s a good thing, he thinks, at least he’ll see them coming.

“You won’t.”

“Wha-?” He sputters a little, the sudden interruption to the silence jolting him half out of his sleeping bag, a hand clutching at the little plastic bottle of Holy water. Its just Shane, looking up at him from where he lay, head pillowed on his hands. He couldn’t have just said that, that would be like, like mind reading. Had he missed a question from Shane?

He tries again, more coherent this time, “what do you mean?”

“You won’t see them coming, not here at least.”

Cold sweat is starting to break out across Ryan’s face, and the bottle in his hand crinkles. “Okay, what? I swear Shane if you’re fucking with me right now I’ll, I’ll kick your ass tomorrow.”

“Very scary, Bergara.” Shane shoots back, and Ryan groans, gently easing back down to the ground. His whole body is going to be sore tomorrow.

“Shut up Shane.”

He’s pretty sure he’s said that more times on this shoot than he has the past two years of knowing the man. It would seem that ghost hunting exacerbates Shane’s sarcasm and goof level. The fans are probably going to love it, which means they’ve gotta up the level even more. He stifles another groan and rubs his face with a hand.

“Nothing is going to happen to you.”

“How can you be sure?” Ryan’s never heard his voice that small, he’d be embarrassed if he wasn’t so scared.

“You know how.” Shane looks at him for a long time with the same smiling eyes and the smallest tilt to his mouth. It’s too much, the quiet and the fear and the listing familiarity of it all. Ryan shivers a little, and it has nothing to do with the chill.

“It’s you.” he breathes, and the memory of warmth and light dig its way into the forefront of Ryan’s mind.

“It is,” Shane’s still smiling softly. Ryan searches his eyes, bracing for a change, but they stay their normal brown. “It’s certainly a risky situation here, but you don’t have to worry, you’re safe with me.”

There is a part of Ryan’s brain that starts to freak out about the confirmation of the danger here, but the majority’s still reeling at this realization, and the strange not-changes they made to the situation. A glance at the red dot on the camera confirmed it’s existence. Good. He’s going to need footage of this to convince himself it wasn’t just a dream.

“Hey, come ‘ere.” Shane holds out an arm so Ryan can scoot closer, tentatively laying his head on his shoulder. “I’m proud of you Ryan, you knew all this existed and yet you’re still willing to explore, the bravery of the heart doesn’t falter.”

“And what about you? I mean, you can see it right?” He feels calm settle over him like a blanket, Shane’s hand on his shoulder a gentle pressure grounding him to reality.

“Oh yes, and let me tell you, it is one ugly fucker,” Shane chuckles under his breath, and Ryan could feel it rumble through his side, “I meant every word I said down there, we’re a package deal. If Sallie wants a piece of you, it’s gotta get through me first, and the demon’s got nothing on me, my friend.”

“You’re insufferable,” Ryan grumbles into Shane’s shoulder, but he finally manages to close his eyes against the dark room. The fear is still there, but it’s dulled, pushed back by whatever powers Shane wielded. He’ll deal with all of this tomorrow. He’ll talk to Shane, figure out what this meant, and come up with a plan.

The darkness doesn’t seem as threatening now.

They sleep there for the full night, a successful end to their three-part episode.

Coffee and some serious editing magic later, their watch count rockets through the roof, a rapidly increasing fanbase clamoring for more of the nuanced pairing of the skeptic and the believer.

Ryan finds himself smiling at Shane at the next desk, it’ll be a tough fight not to tell the world, now that he has a piece of evidence right at his side, but he can live with that.

Better the devil you know after all.

[punkinroses]

Yugioh Season 4 Quotes Prompt Meme

I am stressed, tired, sick of my job and needing a brain break. Yugioh Abridged is my go to for that at the moment. So. Have a sentence meme thing. Feel free to reblog, change pronouns, etc. Go have fun kids. Be wild. Be gay. Do crime. Love you

“The whole saving the world thing really eats into your study time.” “But my teacher gave me, like, a bunch of gold stars! And an A+ in trying.” “I already know everything I need to know about mathematics from playing card games.” “I was also thinking about doing some of the drugs later.” “(name)’s hand is on fire!” “That sounds like a commotion! .......Yes. Definitely a commotion.” “Well, I’m sure the city can defend itself.” “Those neutral motherfuckers. I never cared for them.” “How the hell did you people get in my house!?” “I’m not sure I like the rich douchebag channel.” “We figured you had more of an emotional connection to these.” “Damnit, (name), we agreed I would do the monologuing.” “My spirit guide has once again served its purpose.” “It’ll be called the bitch ass retirement plan. Named after you, ya bitch ass!” “That’s some OP bullshit right there.” “Broseph...Brosephine...Bro DiMaggio.” “I’ve got shoulder pads!” “Now what are you gonna do, Bromeo and Juliet?” “It’s not often I get to hear the worst insult ever coined by a human being.” “Yeah, they once sucked out Channing Tatum’s soul as a joke.” “I have nothing else in my life, please!” “So you’re someone I haven’t seen in a really, really long time? .........Are you my parents??!!” “Stop abusing the concept of friendship!!” “You must have spent YEARS researching this! Even though you can find this exact information on the back of any Yu-Gi-Oh! DVD!” “King of doors, bitch!” “That’s two points for Middle Earth, zero points for (name).” “I was not prepared to watch this today.” “Okay, so, you’re a lost cause.” “If even one of you makes a Sharknado reference, I will end you so hard.” “Try this on for size, you Sauron-looking motherfucker!” “I thought we had an agreement! You agreed to not be a little bitch, but now you’re being a little bitch!” “Maybe they’ll take someone’s soul that we don’t care about this time.” “Goddamnit, you never help me, ever!!” “Alright, douchebags! I’m sick and tired of us not being on top!” “These meetings get fucking weird.” “How much more specific can I get? SOMEWHERE in CALIFORNIA.” “I wonder if there are card games on the moon.” “I knew it. This is just some cheap trick to get me to come see you, so you can hit on me with a bunch of cheap innuendos, isn’t it?” “And, to think, people call you a diluted egomaniac.” “That’s not possible! I’M the adorable one!” “For some reason, cruising for chicks has caused me to become severely injured.” “I would be so turned on if that wasn’t such a huge waste of trading cards.” “I’d like to spread some vegemite on those things.” “You left me on a blimp with a known psychopath, while I was in a coma, so you could go off and play video games.” “So, in other words, since we’ve never seen your balls drop, we can assume it hasn’t happened?” “My douche-senses are telling me that (name) is mocking me somewhere.” “Should I remind you to tell them to go fuck themselves when we get there?” “He will eat you with his crocodile face.” “Okay, did you have to include the part of the story where they insulted me?” “Hey, a sword! I can stab people with this!” “Seriously? That was your one Koala joke?” “Try believing in the heart of the cards.” “Quiet, you sorcerer.” “If you’re seeing this, (name), it either means I’m dead, leaving behind a very fabulous looking corpse, or my soul has been captured.” “Maybe it had something very kinky on it and 4Kids had to censor it.” “I’ll leave that up to the fanfic authors.” “I’ll write a highly unfavorable research paper about you! With inconclusive findings!” “I feel like I should be concerned, but I just can’t stop thinking about how Copernicus is such a stupid name for a horse.” “You know that thing takes people’s souls and I found it on a dead guy, right?” “That was acting, children! Bravo for me!” “According to my research, I’m in a crapload of pain.” “Learned that trick from playing Super Mario World.” “I’ll just be over here wibbling to myself. Please, pay me no mind.” “Okay, everyone. I’m going to go scream into a pillow for the next five minutes.” “Are you telling me that we can't build an elevator into space?! Because that sounds like something a guy who doesn't want to keep his job would say!” “And let me tell you one last thing. All those times I got angry and declared that I would have my vengeance on you: I WAS FAKING!” “I'm glad we spent all our money on this bag of potato chips and generic brand soda.” “By the way, I memorized several dozen dinosaur puns, just so I could use them in this.” “The only reunion that’s about to happen is my size ten up your buttocks!” “Dorō! Monsutā Kādo!” “You're right, (name). I lost control. At the end of the day, this is just a game.” “We’re going to disturb the spirits of the dead! Yay!” “What the fuck even is this season!?” “Won’t somebody fetch me some ice cream!?” “I’m old and I hold a stick. That automatically makes me the wisest person in the valley.” “It’s a good thing I played all that Assassin’s Creed!” “It’s a good thing I played all that Banjo Kazooie!” “Oh, thank God, because I really wasn’t listening to any of that. Any of it.” “Now, I have to go back down there and challenge that vulture to a card game.” “Okay, (name), I’m going to level with you; I may have lied about the pizza.” “It makes me look really bonkers cool while I kick the shit out of you.” “Actually, he says his name is Cornelius Jr. and he wants to play basketball, just like how his father wanted him to.” “You can talk to snakes!?” “Hey, are you sure it’s safe for us to fly straight into that strange weather phenomenon?” “I guess we’d better confront whatever villain of the week that is.” “Well, these buttons look important.” “We mostly get by using our street smarts and ingenuity.” “No, I'm mad because I never wanted to know what one of Hideo Kojima's wet dreams looked like, and now I do, so thanks for that.” “I swear on my life we didn't keep a single flying war machine of death.” “Well, it would be way more intimidating if its face wasn't so damn adorable.” “Yeah, they’re dead. Dibs on their crappy broken stuff!” “Did you guys notice that this episode had the exact same ending as Bee Movie?” “I'm also glad we're not going to Florida as it means that we are not going to Florida.” “OK, but wait! I'm almost to the part where we met two ghosts in the California desert who just happened to be related to the guy we're fighting. Oh God, you're right; it's all just bullshit, isn't it?” “Breaking stuff will fix it!” “I'm bi a lot of things, but lingual is not one of them.” “Welcome back, asshole.” “Hey (name), wanna reenact a scene from Back to the Future Part II?” “I'd rather throw myself off the roof.” “Damn you, Microsoft Flight Simulator!” “Yes, but you had to steal my catchphrase to do it! Is nothing sacred to you?” “That is the single most offensive thing anyone has ever said to me.” “OK, children, from now on, everybody uses the Buddy System. When I say "Go," I want you all to choose a buddy and form an everlasting and inseparable bond between them 'till death do you part. OK, go!” “(Name), remember, whatever happens, you mustn't become an evil little sh*thead.” “Suckers! Consider yourselves ditched.“ “Well if any other anime in existence has taught me anything, most of the drama tends to happen on...the roof.“ “Just my luck. Dork Fest continues.“ “No! It's got a scythe. The deadliest farming implement known to man.“ “This heavy-hearted metaphor was brought to you by Da, a subsidiary of Doy, Inc.” “OK, this is also total BS. When I came back from the dead, I didn't get a chorus of heavenly music and a light show.“ “It's a good thing I'm so buff or that fall would've killed me.“ “(Name), promise me you're not going to embarrass me in front of the U.S. Military.” “ Guys, I think we took a wrong turn, because I'm pretty sure this is the Chamber of Secrets.” “Those aren't Funko Pops! They're much more disturbing!” “Yeah, makes your measly five thousand years look like a five thousand years of being a bitch, bitch.“ “Okay, but why are we in space?” “I have no idea who that is. You are talkin' fucking crazy right now, man. Are you okay? Do you need water? How long were you in the desert for?“ “For the record, I was dressing up in suits of armor before it was cool.“ “(Name), this is like, the third time you've tried to murder one of my friends, stop it!” “Nah. As a teenager with unlimited access to the Internet, I get to do that every day.” “As I was saying, (name) is a damn handsome and valuable person. Thank goodness for them.” “They died as they lived... pissing me off.” “Okay, who let the posh shithead in here?” “I'm so happy you escaped the cold embrace of death so that I could experience your deathly cold embrace again!“ “Wow. My eBay sensors are tingling.“ “You know, we really have no idea where this portal will take us, but I have total confidence in this decision.“ “None of this matters to you! You're already dead! Blah, blah, blah, omae wa mou shindeiru.” “Glad we came all the way up here so that we could not know what was going on.“ “Does this mean I can take back all the nice things I said?“ “I'm not doing any of those things. I'm just enjoying being with you.”

[rirururu]

I want to tackle a more serious multi-chapter TanZen / ZenTan fanfic some time soon. I miss being able to actually develop them through a continuum of events and tying all the plot points together at the end. It’s not that I’m out of steam but I think people are losing interest in this project too ((´д｀)) I might have to either cancel or put the prompt challenge on hold. Let's see what happens. What do you guys think?

Click here for ao3 version or go to “Keep Reading.”

It’s only been eight hours and fourty-nine minutes since Tanjirou Kamado and Zenitsu Agatsuma officially became a couple.

And Zenitsu is already sure that he can’t take much more of this.

Waking up with the chirping birds like he always did, Zenitsu crawled out of his futon in the direction away from his snoring boar friend and made to fold it against the wall. Noticing the spot on the other side of him empty, the only conclusion was that Tanjirou must’ve started his day even sooner.

Looking for his (boy)friend- oh my god, that’s what he was now, wasn’t it- Zenitsu padded out of the room with yawn. He found his target leaning over a bowl in intense concentration. The thrumming drums of nervousness radiated from him in waves. The only thing that snapped him out of it was the sound of the sliding door gently slamming shut.

The effect was immediate. Tanjirou turned, face brightening like the sun. A warm blush colours his tan cheeks pink. Nerves almost completely disappeared. “Zenitsu, g-good morning!”

The blond covered his eyes with a sleeve. His heart was already racing at the sight. “Ugh, too bright… You’re too bright at this time of day, Tanjirou!”

The sun breather only laughed. And for the life of him, Zenitsu couldn’t understand why he looked so delighted to get such a snippy response. He didn’t have time to dwell on it though, not when the other suddenly stood up from his seat. Zenitsu didn’t have the mental power to react. Rounding towards him, Tanjirou wastes no time landing a kiss with the sound of spring on the blond’s cheek. “I made breakfast for you.”

Zenitsu flushes red. His skin buzzes like a bee covered in pollen where gentle lips touched. “Y-You…!” The lack of shame from the other seriously annoyed him! Zenitsu declares but he’s dragged to the table, swaying left and right as a decidedly warm happiness bursts near his chest. He may have giggled, swooned a bit and he’s sure if he were a painting, there’d be hearts emitting from his ears. But he doesn’t care.

Especially not when he finally sees what the fuss was about. Sitting innocently on top of the simple rice dish is an egg, sunny-side up and in the shape of a heart.

A heart…!

“Tanjirou, what’s going on?! My organs feel like they’re going to explode out of my mouth. Is this a disease? Is it fatal? Th-THAT’S IT! I’m dying! You’ve killed me…!”

“Don’t die, Zenitsu!” Despite the dire situation, Tanjirou is smiling. That bastard…! But ah, he can hear now that the ocean of nerves in his spine was subsiding as a calm peace replaced it. Maybe, perhaps, there was that very small chance that Tanjirou actually really cared what Zenitsu thought of his work?

The sentiment burns his eyes wet. He wheezes.

“IT’S TOO LATE.” Zenitsu clutches his stomach dramatically. “I thought I’d leave this world after having my brain giblets guzzled out and my limbs sliced to bits. I thought it’d be less depressing than this. BUT MY true end is THIS-! You’ve killed me with second-hand embarrassment, you fool!”

“That’s a weird way of saying love.”

“ARGH…!” Zenitsu covers his red face with his palms. It’s too much. Tanjirou was so impossible! His heartbeat runs a marathon in his ears, blood rushing, yet the kind sound of a flute and a crystal stream still embracing him is as clear as ever. Suddenly, he feels the light brush of fingers in his hair, and that stream reflects a rainbow.

Tanjirou hummed. His eyes never leave his boyfriend, taking in the tinge of teary golden orbs peeking from between shaking fingers. Yellow locks are still tussled wayward from sleep. It fluffs adorably between his own rough fingers. The cherry blossoms colouring his face contrast nicely, bringing out the image before him nearly as much as the scent of home. His mouth runs away from him, powered purely by his desire to have Zenitsu all to himself. “You’re so cute. I love you.”

Silence.

Finally realizing the weight of the statement, Tanjirou withdrew himself with a horrified squeak and red cheeks.

“Really? That’s what makes you realize how EMBARASSING you’re being?!” He whines. “TAN-JI-ROU…!”

That’s when Zenitsu officially decided that he couldn’t take anymore of this. Tanjirou was too much for him.

But maybe that was just fine.

(he loves him too)

-U-U-U-U-U-

It’s only been two weeks, five days, seventeen hours, and eleven minutes since Tanjirou Kamado and Zenitsu Agatsuma officially became a couple.

And Tanjirou is already sure that he can’t take much more of this.

He just returned to headquarters, haori tattered and blade vibrating with intense aftereffect. Some part of his brain still thinks he’s in battle. Bloodied, surrounded by the corpses of innocent children all under the age of twelve, his mission did not end well. No matter how long he works as a demon slayer, no matter what he sees, he can never stomach the sick feeling of being the only one to come out of it alive.

He was too late.

“Tanjirou.”

He stops merely two meters from the entrance. On the stone steps stood Zenitsu, out of breath as if he ran there at the sound of him. If the next sentence out of this beautiful person that Tanjirou loved so much was any indication, he had. “You’re sad.”

Tanjirou can tell immediately from the frustrated scent of the other that Zenitsu was likely reprimanding himself for the insensitive statement. Of course he’s sad, he imagined the blond internally screaming. He couldn’t begin to imagine the amount of despair in his being but if it was anything like the scent of rotting flesh and crushed dreams, Tanjirou knew he must’ve sounded bad.

So he tries to smile anyway to reassure. “Yeah. It’s okay though-”

“It’s not okay. Don’t say that.” Zenitsu frowns. He holds out a worried hand, the own bandage wrapped around his yellow head seeming like a paper cut in comparison to the wound in his boyfriend’s spirit. The other doesn’t hesitate to take it. It’s fascinating to Tanjirou just how affected Zenitsu was by the tone in his voice. “There’s no way you’re okay.”

Despite the context, Tanjirou finds himself blurting out. “What do I sound like?”

Zenitsu takes pause at this. Their fingers intertwined, the blond squeezes them with a wistful smile. “Like red poppies.”

“That’s-” Tanjirou gasps out. It’s such a strange phenomenon. It’s almost as if the admission itself was enough to break the dam. The anguished memories, that he tried so hard to shove down, return. “That’s beautiful, Zenitsu.”

“Oi, don’t do that.”

“Do what?”

“Stop holding back. Cry, scream, whatever… it’s okay to be sad.”

“I can’t. I- I’m sorry.” Tanjirou didn’t know how. Ever since the first time it happened, ever since he first walked in to a house full of dead bodies, he’s found it so difficult to truly be angry or depressed about it. There was no time. He had to save Nezuko. He had to help all the suffering humans and demons. The world didn’t have time for Tanjirou to be sad.

“Hey,” Zenitsu snaps his fingers in front of him with his free hand. When hazy amber eyes follow the motion in surprise, he sighs. “Follow me.”

Tanjirou isn’t sure what to expect when he hears that. His wounds were already treated and healing. His sword wasn’t broken. His report was already sent ahead of time on the Kasuga crow. There wasn’t much else left to do but answer to any lingering questions from the higher-ups and maybe rest. About the last thing he could anticipate is Zenitsu ripping out a wooden instrument from beneath a cloth. Its head was long, its body delicate yet the blond held it with a confidence that Tanjirou knew he had when handling a blade.

It’s mesmerizing. Since when did Zenitsu know how to play an instrument? So when the boy motions him to sit on the grass, his own seat on the platform overlooking the garden occupied, Tanjirou obeys without protest. He waits, attention dispersed somewhere between how peaceful his boyfriend looked and the practiced gracefulness of pale fingers on the string.

Sure enough, the first note that rings almost has Tanjirou weeping.

It’s sad. It’s such a sad song. Children rapt with confusion over why their parents were unmoving, hands reaching out in silent plea for help before the life fades from lively eyes, the crushing sense of helplessness when he digs them out from beneath furniture. Rushing them into the outside, they’re gone before he even has a chance to lay them on the grass. The demon was dead but at what cost?

It was then that Tanjirou realized that Zenitsu succeeded. He was sad. The music guided him here and now it was hard to breathe. There was a crushing weight of something horribly foul on his heart. It was awful. Why did anyone want to stay like this all the time?

Before Tanjirou can bury himself in the utter gloom that the melody brought him, the tune lightens. It was quiet, chilling before, but now it strengthens in volume and nearly consumes the entire yard. The notes stumble in rhythm as if tripping but getting back up over and over. And maybe, just maybe, the pungent mass in his chest lessens.

When it’s over, Zenitsu finally opens his eyes. He looks down at Tanjirou but the other teen is frozen almost still. Amber eyes stared at him in awe. It was like Zenitsu held all the stars within his fingertips and Tanjirou just couldn’t help wanting more. He notices the blond flushing, not sure how to read his look. “Y-You asked me what you sounded like right now. That was it.”

“Can-” Zenitsu flinches when he hears just how choked Tanjirou’s voice sounds. “Can I have a hug?”

Even with all of the embarrassment in the world to stop him, Zenitsu wouldn’t deny him. Tanjirou knew that. The nod only confirms it. He’s on him in mere moments, practically pouncing on the yellow-clad body as he buried his face in the older boy’s shoulder. Then with all barriers down, Tanjirou cries.

The only thing that anchors him is the sweet scent of citrus and the hand holding his own.

That’s when Tanjirou officially decided that he couldn’t take anymore of this. Zenitsu was too much.

And he loves him so, so much for that.