#this is me acknowledging my concern
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the tim drake experience
#i wanted to explore his way of thinking so bad it’s so strange to me#i think he does things the hard way for the sake of doing them#and he probably carries a lot of physical and emotional turmoil which he doesnt acknowledge until it’s quiet#full time career in concerning the people around him !! 😀😀#my art#batman#batfam#batfamily#batman comics#batfam fanart#batfamily fanart#dc comics#dc#dc fanart#tim drake#tim drake fanart#red robin#red robin fanart#stephanie brown#stephanie brown fanart#spoiler fanart#kon el kent#superboy fanart#conner kent fanart#conner kent#dick grayson#dick grayson fanart#nightwing#nightwing fanart#damn so many tags
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i really hope that ign article is kinda blowing things outta proportion, at least in terms of romance. to be clear, it is understandable to me that the inquisitor’s relationship with solas is going to matter in the grand scheme of things. solas is the thing tying rook and the inquisitor together, and whether you despise solas, love him, or are painfully indifferent toward him, he is an antagonist bioware has set up for this game. his decisions and actions are going to, and have already had, far-reaching effects on thedas. of course he is going to have a spotlight of his own. i’m not concerned with that.
in terms of solavellan though, like. again, i hope things are being blown out of proportion. bioware is clearly very proud of solavellan and loves their solavellan fans very much, and i’m glad solavellan people can expect a decent endgame after 10 years of waiting. but i will genuinely be so upset if every other inquisitor, every other romance path, gets demonstrably Less in comparison. female lavellan is one inquisitor among eight. solas is only romanceable by one specific type of inquisitor. if the rest of us are left with some throwaway “oh yeah we still write sometimes” lines regarding our romances i will be very disappointed. obviously we can’t know everything until the game comes out, but the fact that, in an article about why only three choices from inquisition are going to matter in veilguard, everything seems to round out into “solavellan fans are going to be pleased,” i’m left with a bad taste in my mouth.
#dragon age#playing with fire putting this in the main tag but oh well#i’m not purposefully putting this in any character or ship tags though so if you see this in the wild it’s not my fault.#bg3 just genuinely had me at my limit for some romances getting more love and attention than others from the devs.#and will it even be acknowledged that iron bull can just straight up betray you and die even if you romanced him?#or is that just going to be retconned.#i did not romance bull i romanced dorian but i’m so concerned.#i hope there are sub menus. idk. the more i think about this the more bummed i’m getting.#like if you romanced cass and she became divine that’s a big deal right??#if you romanced blackwall and he died as a warden that has to mean something right???#or do we just not care. like what are we doing here.#i’m hoping. PRAYING. for sub menus. for the love of god.
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i've been contemplating the cats' respective moralities and have come to the conclusion that kitten understands what crime is and will occasionally commit it, whereas pud has no concept of sin or indeed of anything beyond "want thing" and "want thing now"
#see: the way they respond to being caught eating something they shouldn't#kitten will look up wide-eyed and then bolt - or he'll eat faster because he knows i'm about to take it away from him#pud will continue eating at her own pace completely unbothered by the fact that she's been caught#i can yell at her or clap my hands and she won't even acknowledge me#the only way to get her to stop eating is to physically remove her from the food#as far as she's concerned i am just a natural obstacle like a tornado or a rock that's inconveniently blocking her path to dinner
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It's beautiful how Bobby woke up, and then the show continued with scenes dedicated to families. First, Chimney and Maddie with Hen and Karen talking about Mara's current whereabouts and how she's doing. Followed up by Buck and Tommy, with Buck admitting that Bobby is more like a father figure to him than his actual father, and Tommy, who opens up about his estranged father and his complicated relationship to his former captain Gerrard. Then we have the Diaz family and Eddie's once biggest nightmare: losing Chris to his own parents. Except his parents aren't the villains because he messed up, and Chris made that decision for himself. Finally, back to the hospital with Bobby, Athena, May and Harry, who may have lost many valuable belongings but to whom everything most important is still in the room.
#911#911 abc#911 spoilers#bucktommy#bathena#henren#madney#911 musings#me hoping no one saw my former version with a small mistake#whoopie#anyway#i loved these follow up scenes so much#especially bathena and bucktommy#and how madney support henren later on by fostering mara until henren can finally adopt her#these scenes also heavily imply how comfortable buck feels around tommy already#how much he considers him an important part of his life#after such a stressful day with the diaz drama and worrying about his father figure he wanted to end this day on a high note#with his BOYFRIEND#and then there's the diaz drama#i wonder if eddie realizes how lucky he is as a single parent to have such a huge support system#his best friend#who made a huge difference with carla#his abuela#his parents#his girlfriends who've all been supportive concerning chris#sometimes it seems like he's taking everything for granted... especially buck#rather than acknowledging how goddamn lucky he is to have so many people who support him (including his parents)
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#feel like my relationship with my younger brother is changed completely forever not to be dramatic lol but i am sad#we used to b very close but he has kind of. found his faith again and gone full missionary christian which like. i knew meant the dynamic#was doomed lmao but actually acknowledging it makes me sad i feel like i'm grieving for the friendship we used to have even though#it is literally a me problem i think from his perspective he doesn't think anything has changed. but i feel weird about everything#also his new gf is nineteen and he is. almost 25 and i am the only one who feels weird about it like i know she's over 18 but! idk i can't#tell if i'm being overly cautious or if my gut instinct is right. my sister & her husband have a similar age gap but they met when they wer#both over 30 so like. it didn't feel weird. and i didn't feel comfortable actually seriously talking to him about it apart from the first#time he mentioned her over facetime (he went to another country to do mission stuff & met her there) so like an idiot i've just been#making jokes about the age gap becausee like. thats always been our thing lightly bullying each other lol but he blew up at me and said#i've had nothing positive to say about her since he's been back home and that he thinks i hate her and i'm out of line for constantly#implying he's creepy for dating someone younger. idk i felt like such a freak idiot horrible person about it. it completely blindsided me#bc yes the jokes were coming from a place of idk how i feel about this situation so i'm going to rely on the humour-based communication#we have always fallen back on as a safety thing but i guess i was wrong or the dynamic shifted or something anyway it's all fucked#& everyone is just telling me i feel weird out of some?? misplaced kind of jealousy thing?? because i'm 'losing' my brother to his gf lol#which does not feel right at all he has dated so many other girls and i have never had a problem it is literally the age gap like i haven't#even met this girl i'm sure she's very nice! i just worry about her being nineteen!! jesus. and yes maybe i do feel some resentment around#a brother younger than me who seems to be able to live his life with zero difficulty whilst i'm stuck being this unemployed loser who ruins#literally ever friendship & relationship ive ever had but i think thats ok right like i can't help feeling that. i don't fucking knowwww#am i just projecting all these sad feelings about our friendship dying onto his new relationship or like. am i right to be genuinely#concerned she's six years younger than him and still a fucking teenager!!!!!! i don't know
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What’s wrong with the way marcille treats falin?? Not trying to start anything, I’m genuinely curious
Mainly that she treats Falin like she can't look out for herself and is possessive- it's at its worst before the events of the series, but it never fully goes away. And it makes total sense for like All of Marcille as a character, and generally tracks with how people treat Falin in general! It also doesn't exclude them from having a healthy relationship, it's just something they'd have to be careful about. And, even though Marcille is Laios' friend, she still treats him AND Falin unfairly because of this!
I don't have a problem with that in the series, because I think it's making a point there, but the fact that it gets glossed over in favor of Marcille Useless Lesbian by the fans REALLY rubs me the wrong way- because it's not only flattening Marcille as a character and their dynamic, it's also participating in treating Falin similarly. And people treating Laios as a threat and Falin as soooo pure and innocent is a Huge thing in the series, and, as an autistic person myself, it *really* gets to me that people are just passively accepting that as *normal.*
Overall its on the subtext side, and my experiences likely make me more primed to spot stuff like that in general, so it's not like anybody is Stupid for not picking up on it. I just really really get annoyed by it being ignored by the fandom as a whole in favor of The Newest Ship
#thank you for asking! genuinely! and everyone is entitled to their own opinion etc etc you dont need to agree w me here#and itd be great if people had their own opinions! bc that'd mean Acknowledging It At All#usually id put my disclaimer abt being too concerned about fiction here but i do kinda feel like this one is important to some degree#because. again. I Live There. I Am Autism Man. i dont have a choice abt joining the war on autism on the side of the autism#dungeon meshi
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thinking about john's multitude of short-lived, often quickly-abandoned apartments for some reason, so a couple details:
although you might expect to find a very wizard-y interior to any place he's currently living at — you know, grimoires, skulls, dust, clutter, etc. — his flats actually tend to be fairly spartan in terms of decor; they've even been accused of looking modern, here and there. he just moves too frequently to really settle in & accrue Things, and has so often had to simply up & leave everything he currently owned behind (with very little chance of getting any of it back) that he no longer attaches much meaning to household objects.
besides the consistent presence of at least one bookshelf with at least 12 books on it, and a sad sprig of garden sage that miraculously hasn't died yet, the one exception to his lack of personal touch is his extensive collection of records + tapes, all of which he has repeatedly & methodically tracked down and bought / bid / traded / stolen / threatened for / blackmailed for / simply taken back whenever an enterprising landlord or new tenant left him the opportunity to do so. his record player itself has never needed to be taken back, since it has always mysteriously vanished from whatever flat he's leaving and mysteriously appeared wherever he's staying; it's convenient like that. his 10th anniversary walkman, however, frequently goes missing, only to turn up again later in a place he KNOWS he checked when he's least expecting it.
lack of home decor isn't to say he doesn't own much, mind: the bulk of his personal possessions — assorted occult paraphernalia, blackmail documentation, miscellaneous crap from his mucous membrane days, and anything he is able to take with him from past flats — are usually stored off-site, in a secure location that can't easily be tied back to him. this guy's been accused of being a satanic killer on multiple occasions, he knows better than to keep all the real shit out where anyone can just swan in and see it.
currently, this storage location (which i lovingly call occult shit central) is an abandoned inner london storefront + adjoining flat that was formerly his old friend ray monde's shop and home, called brick-a-brac antiques. it's decidedly cozier than the last place, (in that there are chairs, plural,) and has fewer bear traps laid out in anticipation of unlucky thieves; in fact, if a person were to visit without already knowing where constantine actually lives, it'd be easy to mistake it as his expectedly-wizardy flat. it's not an ideal location for an occult shit central, too close to the heart of the city and too close to people to avoid drumming up suspicion should constantine attempt any sort of ritual inside, but until chas finally quits ducking the paperwork and signs over his storage lot (which he may or may not be dragging his feet on out of pure resentment for having to do it at all) ray's place is the best option there is.
constantine's previous (and future) storage location was a lock-up in streatham that chas had been letting him use (see: all but surrendered to him entirely) since he got out of ravenscar, but after constantine's sister died, john decided he was done with magic and, in a spontaneous fit of rage, burnt the place down with everything but a few necessities still inside. he regretted this later, when he inevitably returned to the occult scene after just over a year away, and spent a lot of time calling in favors / hypnotizing arson inspectors to try and put together an inventory of everything he'd lost.
in the nearly 20 years since the fire, he's managed to replace or find substitutes for about 2/3 of what he had (occult-wise), and gather enough fresh dirt / do enough favors / orchestrate enough compromising situations to accumulate a little over 1/4 of the political / interpersonal power he once maintained. ( the lack of success in the latter being, in part, because people now in power aren't as familiar with his name & reputation as they once were; in part because people just don't believe in magic as much as they used to, or were otherwise bought by hell / heaven / other parties a LONG time ago; and in part because he's come to absolutely fucking despise most politicians / people in power more than he is willing to work with them, or more than he is able to plausibly believe they won't try to drop him at the first opportunity. )
you would be hard-pressed to find a landlady/landlord that speaks kindly of this man. if he wasn't kicked out for suspicious smells / disturbing noises / sudden infestations / suspected satanic activity, then it's likely that he abruptly up and disappeared in the middle of the night, with no warning and no rent. (on a few occasions, this vanishing act also coincided conspicuously with a gruesome death on the premises, sometimes of the landlady/landlord themselves, although no one's ever been able to prove anything.) frankly it's . . . magic, that people still rent to him.
due to these aforementioned bad ends, he's incredibly lucky if he gets enough time or leeway to take any sort of furniture with him from one place to the next. however, there is one incredibly comfy, wing-backed, sapphire-blue armchair that's miraculously managed to survive every move in the last ten or so years without being reported stolen — even though it has survived every move because it has, in fact, been stolen in the dead of night nearly every single time, by john and at least one of his buddies.
#( ooc. ) OUT OF CIGS.#the extent to which i think about constantine's personal storage unit should frankly be concerning to medical professionals. but i digress#it's the rust cohle instinct to make yourself a secret lair i fear. i too would like a private little cubbyhole that no one knows about#where i go to plot my little plots and draw my little pepe silvia webs and occasionally live and sleep out of#anyway this man trades apartments like fleas trade barn cats. bc people and creatures just keep fuckin SHOWING UP and RUINING THINGS#he just wants a HOME GODDAMMIT!! STOP SLOPPING DEMON MUCOUS ALL OVER THE CARPET AND ENTICING HIM TO SOLVE PROBLEMS!!!!#i do think i will return custody of the streatham lockup to john when he turns 72. but i like the challenge of a tiny lil change#it's my way of acknowledging that he is getting older and the world is changing around him. and chas is still pissed about the fire#and i think john would Hate to see ray's store just lying empty after all these years. that was a sanctuary for both of them for a long tim#( headcanons. ) I'M JUST LIKE THE BASTARDS I'VE HATED ALL ME LIFE.
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#regarding the liam and maya situation: i have a lot to say that i cannot express in tags and some of yall are still in a huge denial phase#but as i said the day we first knew about maya's book - im believing her. i believe she is a victim. im believing the victim.#i do trust women who make allegations without explicitly showing proof on social media because thats what i stand for. i rather believe a#liar than believing and abuser. with her; with you; and with every women (and everyone) out there even if i don't like her.#if you have a problem with this value i have: i recommend to unfollow me. because i believe her and that won't change.#and the tiktok she posted acknowledging 1d's fanbase behaviour is not only well-worded; but her non verbal language does match what she is#saying. i hope liam can get out of his addiction and i hope he can recognise his actions to be able to change for good; yes. but that doesn#change what he already did. i have plenty of reasons to believe maya - and seeing so many fellow fans saying shit in her comments like#“you're a liar until you post proof” “if you're saying the truth then sue him” “this is pr for the book” etc etc. insane and concerning.#yall talk like cishet men defending their friends btw. the exact same “arguments”...... is sad to see other women saying this. it breaks my#heart. and as someone who is studying PR genuinely fuck yall ???? yall don't even know what tf we do yall just blame us for every shit in#the industry when in reality its not our fault all the amount of crap yall say it is our fault. if i ask yall to even define what we do#im sure 99.99% won't even know the difference between PR/Marketing/Publicity. get my name and my fellow PR people out of your shit ??? wtf?#its diabolical to blame this on PR. seriously whatin the actual fuck. it doesn't even make sense????? fuck offffffff#i hope maya henry may find peace; i hope she can recover and overcome as well as possible. im disgusted by the behaviour almost everyone is#having. im not praying for a downfall or hoping bad things on liam but i definitely won't defend any of this. and tbh yall shouldn't either#on the other side: i hope she better not talk in any kind of way about louis/harry situation#but because that would mess stuff up in multiple ways. they don't need to be dragged in this. at all.#we don't need “official” denials nor confirmations of people that are not them in any type of way.#anyway... how's the weather i guess#maya henry
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trying to hide your plagiarism isn’t a good look bestie
okie !! taking this moment, for the first and last time, to say, overall: if you're coming into my inbox to be hateful, it will be deleted outright 😌 i am a grown, adult human being and this is my little space and !! i won't allow anyone to poison it 😌 thank you !!!
to you specifically, anon-dear !! you have come to visit me and left me hateful messages just about every day for going-on three weeks now !! so i will finally acknowledge you publicly and give you the attention you so desire !! 😌
you have yet to supply me with any evidence whatsoever that i've plagiarized, as i asked you to do in my first response, and that proves to me that there is none ! you claim that i locked my blog to delete evidence, but — again, i ask you — what evidence ? if you would be so kind as to give me even a smidgen of an idea, i would be glad to pull it up for you ! bc i didn't, in fact, delete anything while i was private.
again, i offer you the opportunity to message me privately, if this is a real concern of yours ! which i don't believe you will do, but ! i will be waiting ! if you're still insisting that i've stolen the "love island bakugou" concept, then i urge you to understand what plagiarism really is.
you've also called me a "white, racist piece of shit" that "steals from woc", which is hilarious, considering i'm hispanic.
and finally !! this will not continue 😌 please understand that every message you send to my inbox with no other intention than to be hateful and ugly, will only be seen by you and i and it will die there because that's what i've decided 😌 you will not exist here in my lil safe space, because, again, that's what i've decided 😌
genuinely, i wish you the best, and i hope that you will grow from this ! if you would ever like to come into my inbox to talk to me about the things you love or whatever head-canons you have for your favorite 2d men or any other thing that belongs in this place — i would love to have you 🩷✨️
#genuinely i am so sorry for all of you that have to see this#but i want to once and for all say to — anyone: if you're coming here only to be ugly i will not acknowledge you#i willingly gave this person the reaction they wanted ! but it will not happen again#and i'd be glad for anyone to test that theory bc i may be kind and small but i will not be walked over#not in my own home#i want nothing but kindness and sincerity here#and AGAIN: if anyone ever has any concerns about the authenticity of something i've written on — please reach out to me#i an adult human being that is open to discussion and clearing the air and owning up to any mistakes !!!! please believe that !!!!#but i have not intentionally or purposefully plagiarized anyone#and while i dont believe in this anons sincerity — i take these accusations very seriously#✿ ask willow
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...I can't believe I have to say this, but I'm allowed to ban people from my server that trigger other members that are survivors of SA and CSA by blatantly consuming and promoting that sort of content. And I'm allowed to personally block people for whatever reason I wish. Especially if they are putting minor sim characters in sexual poses, posting sexual content on their simblr untagged that allows minors to follow for their cc, and liking posts that call me slurs and tell me to kill myself. If you're someone that's hurt over that and think it's talking bad about you as a person for people to openly not be comfortable with that, you need to grow up. Actually follow the tenants of the "dead dove" concept you're an apparent enthusiast of by tagging your fetish content and keeping it away from minors, and temper some of the terrible aspects of your personality. You'll have less trouble in the future.
#ceci speaks#nonsims#text#tw csa mention#tw sa mention#no im not naming you because youre not worth my time attention or advertisement#and no im not acknowledging this further#im in mourning and have far more to pay attention to than your discord drama#bad faith arguments do not deserve my time#i cant believe i even have to say this shit#i was going to post the screenshots and all that shit and name you but frankly also#a) i dont think you can handle that since you seem like such a fragile person and im concerned for your mental health#and b) i dont want to further trigger myself by going through all that shit again#so hopefully this is explanation enough for why i 'dont like you'#its not even dislike i just want you far far away from me and my spaces online#i wish you the best and hope you can get some help
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Bad time of it, all things considered (Patreon)
#Doodles#SCII#Damned#ZEX#Blood#Just a bit but y'know - Enough#It honestly made me So sad that it took until his canonmates saw it happen that someone /finally/ acknowledged his spontaneous cuts D:#Like I get it it's dark and it's hard to see but his skin just opened up and he made a noise about it! The possible danger!!#And then by that point he's just so used to everyone ignoring it that their concern for him is barely even a factor weh ZEX ;;#Plus it's just a cool effect haha - sudden blood from nothing! Very rich mental movement#At least Max had someone concerned for him about it <3 Not that he could do anything about it but even just the validation of seeing it!#He has enough cuts on him :( Poor tenderized flesh#He gets all crabby from being sore from healing constantly haha :'D Of course he would!#One thing I found very interesting was the scar sidedness :0 Most of the examples in the gallery have his scar and missing eye opposite#But that's not necessarily the case! I actually scoured mid-read and there /are/ a couple instances of matching side!#They're very tiny so I overlooked them upon first viewing hehe ♪ But they're there! It's very interesting to me!#I like the aesthetics of the opposite - probably because I'm more used to it lol - but I can see the appeal and reasoning for the other way#I do honestly enjoy how much is open to interpretation and allowance uwu♪ And what's consistent! Like how it's always his right eye :D#That tracks hehe ♫#Haha his meeting with his delightfully inept counselor - I'm pretty sure I was actually more angry about his supposed injury than he was#He chilled out pretty quickly while I was just - A Scratched Cornea??? The disrespect!!#So happy with his eyebrow expression on that one as well ah <3#It really does make me curious for how the staff is kept there - they don't /seem/ malicious during the day! But they're also unaware#It's interesting where the lines of reality are between everyone :D Very interesting ♪#Capping off with another song my playlist is looking quite healthy now hehe#Flagpole Sitta is one of those songs that only comes up for me every half dozen years or so but when it Does - phewph#It is /such/ a ZEX song to me now hehe <3 The flirtiness and exasperation - the defeatism even! So many killer lines#I think my favourite is ''I'm not sick but I'm not well'' ask me to read into that I will I'm gonna I'll do it even if you don't ask me lol#So fun to draw those lapses in control the poor dear ♥#The digital reconstruction there was a lot of fun as well actually :D I think I nailed it :3 Pulled around from all over the page! Pleased ♪
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"...Walsingham, the monastic author of the St. Albans Chronicle, was by far [Alice Perrers'] harshest contemporary critic, who in his venom has (somewhat ironically) left us with the longest and most detailed account of her background and personality, her influence as Edward’s mistress, and her subsequent trial. He describes Alice as a shameless lowborn meretrix (a word variously translated as mistress, whore, or harlot), who “brought almost universal dishonour upon the king’s reputation […] and defiled virtually the whole kingdom of England with her disgraceful insolence.” Although Walsingham was not always accurate and, specifically in this case, clearly heavily biased against Alice, he nevertheless provides a truly contemporary account, and his importance as a source should not be underestimated. Likewise, the anonymous monk of St. Mary’s York recorded that in the Good Parliament the Commons (represented by their speaker, Sir Peter de la Mare) stated that it “would be of great gain to the kingdom to remove the said dame [Alice] from the presence of the king both as a matter of conscious and of the ill prosecution of the war.” During the same assembly, the bishop of Rochester, Thomas Brinton, preached from St. Paul’s Cross that “it is not fitting nor safe for all the keys of the kingdom to hang from the belt of one wife.” Although the word wife (uxoris) is used, it is widely accepted that this is a reference to Alice.”
-Laura Tompkins, '"Edward III's Gold-Digging Mistress": Alice Perrers, Gender, and Financial Power at the English Royal Court, 1360-1377", "Women and Economic Power in Premodern Courts" (edited by Cathleen Sarti). Italics by me.
#alice perrers#historicwomendaily#my post#edward iii#@ anon who asked me how much faith should we put in Walsingham's account of Alice#Walsingham is undoubtedly vicious and prejudiced (and thus not always accurate - perhaps deliberately so) where Alice is concerned#But he is also a direct contemporary eyewitness and is thus invaluable as a source. His importance can never be emphasized enough.#More importantly however - the image of Alice as a transgressive woman with improper influence who 'hijacked' the kingdom#is not merely painted by Walsingham or limited to his account#It's how these other sources - the monk at St. Mary's and the Bishop of Rochester - depicted her as well#('it is not fitting nor safe for all the keys of the kingdom to hang from the belt of one wife' is pretty telling in more ways than one)#as did contemporary literature of the time like Chaucer's 'Wife of Bath' and William Langland's Lady Meed in 'Piers Plowman'#the whole point of the Good Parliament & the Parliament after Edward III's death was to simultaneously restrict her influence & punish her#So...I'd say Walsingham's image of Alice (unfortunately) tracks with how she was widely perceived at the time#Of course that doesn't mean that this image shouldn't be reassessed and recontextualized#Misogyny and classism very demonstrably played a huge role in how Alice was regarded by contemporaries#Ormrod has also pointed out that no matter the extent of Alice's influence she would ultimately always be limited by the practical#reality of being a woman and a commoner#'Her sex and status simply did not allow her the regular and acknowledged access to power enjoyed by politically ambitious male favourites'#It is not impossible that she was 'a symbol rather than a cause' of the crisis in Edward III's late reign#And of course it's true that WERE people who defended her publicly and privately even after Edward's death as Walsingham himself admits#She can't have been as universally detested as most people think#(we should also consider Walsingham's deriding comment about her 'seductiveness' ie: she was probably very witty and charismatic)#But ofc none of this change the fact that Walsingham's image of Alice's 'impropriety' transgressiveness was a widespread one#Nor does it change the fact that this image was fundamentally rooted in the very real and impressive power she had#Alice WAS proactive and acquisitive and wildly influential (Edward III listened to her over several of his own children ffs)#She DID have more power and visibility than any other royal mistress in medieval England#She DOES seem to have acted in ways that would have been perceived as 'inverting queenship'#*That's okay*. Alice's actions & image should absolutely be recontextualized and given more sympathy than they are#but I have absolutely no intention of diminishing or downplaying them either. That's why I love her so much.
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gf officially went through being gaslit at the doctors with me 🎉🙈 held me while i cried afterwards so that was a nice little touch
#she thinks my surgeon is a bitch and has an ego#i cant say i disagree after today#she was more concerned about the state of my incision than anything#babe it’s been six months#it’s too late#i told you it was an issue two weeks after surgery when you could’ve helped me#and you told me it was normal#and now you’re concerned because it looks ridiculous#i’m so drained from dealing with doctors like this#it’s every single one these days#i really can’t do it anymore i’m just gonna let my body eat itself alive and i’ll see how long i last lmfao#only concerned because she sees the e scar as a direct reflection of her work#well maybe if you acknowledged me when i said i have a heritable connective tissue disorder that’s complicated surgical procedures#you should’ve at least written it down#delete later i’m just beyond defeated
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everything you see ab being the oldest daughter is true btw why am i the family therapist AND punching bag smh
long ass depressing rant in the tags srry i got a wee bit emotional
#my dad has something going on where there's a ringing in his ear my mom has tendonitis and neck pain now#and i feel for both of them i'm goin to cvs to get the meds giving my mom massages every night talking to my dad to distract him#they're both going to the correct doctors#but just throwing it out there i have had tendonitis and chronic upper back pain for 5-6 years and no one gave a shit most i've gotten is#jokes that i'm faking it#i'm in physical therapy for my back NOW but that's bc i finally crawled out of the depression long enough to do it myself#which is fine whatever i'm 22 i should be the one making my own appointments and it'd be weird if i wasn't#but when i was 16 or 17???#being hospitalized for STRESS HEADACHES at 14 too???#who gets hospitalized for that shit and how were my parents not concerned that i at the age of 14 was#so stressed out that my head was pounding all the time#and bc i'm the third parent who has to be the only emotional safe space#i don't say anything if my sisters are rude to me bc at least they feel safe enough around me to be rude to me#i have to listen to everyone and their momma's problems#i'm in law school!!! i do not need this i'm anxious all the time!!!#and if i'm not anxious i'm depressed!!!#my therapist point blank tells me shit like 'you're incredibly lonely' or 'you have way too much on your shoulders' and it makes me CRY#the most basic fucking observations that i KNOW but hearing someone else acknowledge it and not berate me fucking sends me into TEARS#i get messages from online friends here like 'hey i saw your post you don't deserve that' i physically cannot keep my eyes dry!!#every time i have any interaction ever i am at least a little uncomfortable bc i am always trying so hard to make sure i come off as kind#and not awkward or mean#i feel like everyone around me was given some kind of how to manual on life that i wasn't#and i KNOW this is not unique tons and tons of people feel like this#i know this is the depression and the anxiety and the possible autism i'm well aware#but then every couple of days my mom gets the brilliant idea to tell me i'm rude or lazy or whatever and i lose my shit#i just wanna sleep and write fanfics in the nicest way possible i hate everyone#i will try my best to not be mean to anyone bc no one deserves it but i am angry and i am constantly feeling the hurt of my inner child#my MOTHER threw a hardcover book at my HEAD when i was ten bc i had been reading and hid the book under the pillow#what the actual fuck????#my dad's response to any and everything is to deal with it
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i love my new therapist so much cause she’s the first person i’ve ever met who takes me seriously when i talk about suicide even though i don’t have a concrete plan and haven’t actually made any attempts yet
#with everyone else it’s like. hey i feel violently suicidal i started s*lf h*rming again and i feel so miserable im in physical pain#‘oh cool. well have you attempted suicide in the past?’#no. ‘well do you even have a plan for what you’d do?’#also no.#’okay well i don’t really care. have some more prescription medication that you continually threaten to od on’#’btw have you tried just not being depressed? maybe give that a shot. okay that will be one billion dollars see you next month’#but emily (that’s my new therapists name) actually listens to me#and acknowledges how scary and concerning being in my mindset is#and she walks me through what my options are for when it gets really bad#and i like that when i go quiet cause i don’t know what to say she doesn’t get frustrated with me for wasting time and she doesn’t#put words in my mouth and decide what i’m feeling for me#she asks what im thinking and gives me the space to process what i am thinking and if i can’t talk about it she tries to walk me through#the thought process and doesn’t push me. if i don’t wanna talk i don’t have to#basically. i like her a lot so far. and i still feel bad a lot#but having someone finally actually listen and take me seriously makes me feel a little better#she doesn’t just repeat ‘oh it’ll get better you’ll be fine’#she’s willing to stay in the present with me and figure out how i’m going to get through the next week instead of making me figure out my#whole life right now#sigh#snow.txt
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#the thing is: people would rather believe things are going to play out exactly how they are in the books that they'll point to anything#to back themselves up#interviews of cast members saying something that does not at all equate to 'armand is mind controlling louis'#or 'the domestic abuse did not happen'#rather than stop and engage with the show on its own#all the symbolism amazing writing and complex characters and new but fantastic changes does not mean anything#because they are more concerned about getting to a hypothetical point of the show where they'll be validated#like they can't acknowledge racism and abusive relationships and inter-generational trauma because they think doing so#makes them a bad person for....liking lestat? being white? liking anne rice as a kid? idk#and THAT'S how we get 'fandom is so toxic pcs were never this bad' 'being white gets you oppressed in some countries so pls be nicies to me#and 'these people are actually pretending to be black to cause trouble see these black people who agree with me? means i'm not racist'#'btw don't worry about the fact i follow racists and allow them on my platform i'm very popular after all that's not the real issue here'#fandom racism#iwtv discourse#to blacklist in case anyone is sick of hearing this
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