#whole life right now
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i love my new therapist so much cause she’s the first person i’ve ever met who takes me seriously when i talk about suicide even though i don’t have a concrete plan and haven’t actually made any attempts yet
#with everyone else it’s like. hey i feel violently suicidal i started s*lf h*rming again and i feel so miserable im in physical pain#‘oh cool. well have you attempted suicide in the past?’#no. ‘well do you even have a plan for what you’d do?’#also no.#’okay well i don’t really care. have some more prescription medication that you continually threaten to od on’#’btw have you tried just not being depressed? maybe give that a shot. okay that will be one billion dollars see you next month’#but emily (that’s my new therapists name) actually listens to me#and acknowledges how scary and concerning being in my mindset is#and she walks me through what my options are for when it gets really bad#and i like that when i go quiet cause i don’t know what to say she doesn’t get frustrated with me for wasting time and she doesn’t#put words in my mouth and decide what i’m feeling for me#she asks what im thinking and gives me the space to process what i am thinking and if i can’t talk about it she tries to walk me through#the thought process and doesn’t push me. if i don’t wanna talk i don’t have to#basically. i like her a lot so far. and i still feel bad a lot#but having someone finally actually listen and take me seriously makes me feel a little better#she doesn’t just repeat ‘oh it’ll get better you’ll be fine’#she’s willing to stay in the present with me and figure out how i’m going to get through the next week instead of making me figure out my#whole life right now#sigh#snow.txt
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klance in 2024??? 🤯🤯🤯💯💯💯
#klance#keith kogane#lance mcclain#im going insane#actually so obsessed with voltron right now#my whole life has been around this show#the ending is so bad bro#i think its the potential it had that draws me towards it#also pidge!! i love pidge!!
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PARK JIMIN + dominating the stage with his aura (cr. namuspromised, jung-koook) | [template]
happy birthday, annie! @kimtaegis 💜
#jimin#park jimin#pjm#jiminedit#bts#btsedit#btsgif#gif#annietrack#userkelli#usersky#userdimple#raplineuser#rjshope#tuserandi#useremmeline#usermaggie#kpopedit#dailybts#pjmdaily#bangtan sonyeondan#hi annie my love my angel my light! happiest of the birthdays sweetpie 💕#wishing you the best today and ALWAYS! i've never seen someone with such great light as you and mimi in my whole life#i hope this inner light you have lasts for a long long time! your light radiates through the world and illuminates wherever you go#you're precious you're rare you're a gem (that's why the diamond shape hehe) and i love you so so so so much 💜#there was supposed to be more moments but my computer couldn't handle the files so that's why is missing a SMFpt2 and like crazy perf 😔#and a LOT of idol performances too 😭 (ty kayla for this information i'm gonna use it later *invisible text to annie*)#and ofc he dominates every place just like you but tried to keep it only on stage for this one#i digress i hope you like it <3 happy birthday my angel!#posting this right now to celebrate in every time zone 🫶🫶🫶
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"Back when you cared about me."
"I still care, Etho."
//
DISKAKWKDNWKW SECRET LIFE HAS BEEN FULL OF BOAT BOYS WHAT THE HELL WHAT THE HELLLLLL /pos
#I HATE THEM ACTUALLY NOW COULD THEY DO THIS FJDJSMAMS#sigh.......#SIGH.............#trafficblr#ethoslab#smallishbeans#secret life smp#i needed to draw these mfs why are they like this#anyways joel was so right fandom goes INSANE at the boat boys sighting#CAN THIS EVEN BE CONSIDERED CRUMBS. THIS WHOLE INTERACTION DESTROYED ME. AS LITTLE AS IT WAS.#also please ignore the fact that i've gottan joel's life series merch wrong 💀#i refused to make this piece angsty....I REFUSE TO FEED INTO THE VOICES#(i say as i've already listened to them by making this)#boat boys#can't forget that tag#my art
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My comic is so pretty...
The hiatus is letting me take a little extra time on these episodes, and I'm definitely putting it to good use!!!
#almost done with my 8th episode... which will give me. two weeks. of buffer...#id really like at LEAST a month... but to be more comfortable id like two#which means 2-6 more episodes before I come back!#I've got about 7 weeks so its possible. but i do still have to finish book 4#so much to do ..........#I decided for my next comic im doing 3 updates a month.#having 10 days instead of 7 to make an episode is such a huge huge huge difference...#difference in quality and in my health!#anyways the comic is really pretty im really happy with the work im doing rn#the environments especially. im getting to spend a nice amount of time on them and theyre turning out so nicely#its nice to be able to write with a lot of different environments and not have to redo panels when I get to them cause of time#cause every time theres a wild angle? you need a new background...#so sometimes. often actually. there just isnt the time to make the backgrounds for those and i have to make them more flat...#which is fine. it doesnt really affect anything narratively. but. idk. it's kinda sad right?#anyways yeah! 10 days will be much better.#36 episodes a year is about what ive been uploading with my hiatuses on the weekly schedule anyways!#so might as well cut out that super stressful middleman and just commit to that#52 a year is just such a huge difference and i have to accept its not possible to me#i will hurt myself trying to do that. and i want to make comics my whole life!#so i cant push myself that hard now and sacrifice my future. we're gonna go slower after this...#anyways yeah cant wait to come back but also time. if I could get an extra week like a secret one just for me#where theres no chores no nothin just me and my work#thatd be great! so go ahead and do what you gotta do to give me a little pocket dimension#me: ugh i want to return right now...#the more logical me: NO we need the time to finish everything!!!!!! NOT right now!!!!#time and time again#ttawebcomic#comic panels#hiatus stuff#adam and steve
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nnnnnnnnnnnnno maa'am
#my want to draw traditionally literally split me open for the past week and leaves me literally depressed i'm so serious i can't even look -#- @ my art programs without wanting to throw up omfg should;ve never picked up those pencils#but it's ok i just needed a nap#something so relatable about them i think nelvas has something in it for everyone meanwhile eltl is secluded art museum.#it's very possible to walk around in neloth's and talvas' brains but eltl is off limits. they will NOT! get no drawings like this outta me#wtf r they thinking ........#< eltl not nelvas#something nobody on dis earth can understand ..........#talvas wants to live he likes living but neloth's presence is so strong that it overrides and deletes his will to live.#bruuuuuuuuh#i bet the feeling of neloff is in everything he does if they ever part ways he won't be able to fold clothes or anythign without wanting -#- 2 cry . for what reason . idk bc neloth once yelled at him for folding clothes like shit .what am i on rn#(talvas thoughts mode) I want this old man to hug meeee😢😢😢#NELOFF DO IT and smash him too before i do it first .#me and neloth are the same person tho so it doesn;t matter but w/e#i'm getting emotional over them right now this cannot be real#i love her .... (Skyr1m)#i opened the game for .5 minutes today to take pics of a character uight what a beautiful game.#Te/s having such extensive lore ruins the whole entire game and the franchise but whatever . skyr1m is an art piece that's just how i feel#also this might be a very hard pill to swallow for some people but t*lvas is literally a kin Vessel for young women that keep getting -#- hit on by men twice or thrice their age when they're just trying to live their life .#this feels so profound to me i need dis shit inmy discord bio right NOEW.#Talvas................................#(eyes watering) (holding palm out)#suicide //#just in case but this tag would've gone crazy with my drawings of ulfr*c from late 2022 where i drew him with slit wrists. very artsay#is it not. i didn't like neither of those drawings tho i need to revisit cus i can feel ulfr*c on a diffaraaant level#when will i run out of tags. the way you can tell i just LUH talvas look at me drawing his hair in that second pic 😑BRU#look at me also trying to replicate pencils digitally in the first.. hmmm i don't hate it#at least it soothes me and i don't have pencil withdrawal
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Say it’s likely there will be a Brokeback Mountain reference in s5 and nobody bats an eye.
Say it’s likely that the final byler fight will be inspired by this scene and society goes wild.
#byler#we could’ve had a good life together!#a fuckin' real good life!#had us a place of our own#but you didn’t want it ennis!!#so what we got now is brokeback mountain!!#that part#it just takes me straight to the repetition of them wanting to play games together for the rest of their lives#how they’ve been sort of hiding behind this idea that really is about them wanting to be with each other#the way it’s focused on in their s3 fight#and then Will bringing it up AGAIN in s4 light heartedly and Mike sort of just being somber about it#and what follows right after it…#idk brokeback mountain might support that Mike knew Will was lying about the painting (unserious) (but no actually)#Dimitri @ Yuri lying about what is wrong with the plane#(even tho we know he’s hiding the truth in his pocket)#: you know it to be true. and yet you continue to play tricks!!#😀😀😀#and society goes wild#so I think the scenes will be identical?#no that’s not the point#one word gesture or even costume design could pay homage to it for a second during their final fight#with a mention of playing games together for the rest of their lives#and what that actually has meant this whole time…#and it’s a wrap
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if i just told you i love you would this world change
#witch hat tag#orufrey#these kinda suck lol i feel like i cant draw right now *irritated sigh* BUT I FEEL EMOTIONS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#if you are gay go watch good omens season 2 right now. NO YOU DONT KNOW THO!!!!!!!!!#i know being this affected by good omens is probably cringe. I dont care any more. the last 1 minute of good omens season 2 was#some of the most affecting acting i've ever seen in my life. sometimes someone acts with the force as if their entire career led to that#like during the credits part the very end im not even talking about before that. holy god#aziraphale i know everything about you. i know what you are feeling right now. i can see everything on your face. we're going to make it#ER.... NOT THAT THIS HAS ANYTHING TO DO WITH THIS POST. IT'S NOT SPOILERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!#I JUST FEEL THOROUGHLY CHANGED !!!!!!!!!!! SHIT GETS REAL FROM NOW ON.. LIKE IN GENERAL! IN MY LIFE!#tormented gay love tormented gay love TORMENTED GAY LOVE TORMENTED GAY LOVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#btw the first 3 images were drawn earlier with an entirely different feeling and an entirely different mood.#Why do you keep pulling away from me?#It is because i love you that i do this#the lyrics from one of my japanese orufrey songs (A SONG THAT THE CREATOR LISTENS TO!!!!) led to feelings#“あなたが知らない私を残さず見ててほしいの” but i'm not translating it cause it just sounds weird. if with his eyes oru's asking “WHY don't you want#to let me in? to see all of you?“ those lyrics are like ”I actually want you to see every last bit of the parts of me you don't know“#oru you have no idea how much i want to lay bare my whole soul for you#maybe it's an alternate version of chapter 40. to me#i need to draw something really fucking good or i'm not going to forgive myself. i will not rest in this life#until i have made the orufrey that fully satisfies me nor until i have seen what the manga is leading to#NO STORY MEANS ANYTHING WITHOUT TORMENTED GAY LOVE AT THE HEART OF IT. THATS THE HEART OF THIS WORLD!!!!!#........... so Hi im normal :) haha *goes and finally makes breakfast*
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everybody say happy birthday to him right fucking now
#quackity#alex quackity#quackity hq#HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUACKITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!#FELIZ CUMPLEAÑOS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#the love of my life is turning the big 2 3 today and everyone needs to say happy birthday to him right now or ill blow this whole place up
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Wild how we know that Elizabeth Woodville was officially appointed to royal councils in her own right during her husband’s reign and fortified the Tower of London in preparation of a siege while 8-months pregnant and had forces gathering at Westminster “in the queen’s name” in 1483 – only for NONE of these things to be even included, let alone explored, in the vast majority of scholarship and historical novels involving her.
#lol I don't remember writing this - I found it when I was searching for something else in my drafts. But it's 100% true so I had to post it.#elizabeth woodville#my post#Imo this is mainly because Elizabeth's negative historiography has always involved both vilification and diminishment in equal measure.#and because her brand of vilification (femme fatale; intriguer) suggests more indirect/“feminine” than legitimate/forceful types of power#It's still bizarre though-you'd think these would be some of the most famous & defining aspects of Elizabeth's life. But apparently not#I guess she only matters when it comes to marrying Edward and Promoting Her Family and scheming against Richard#There is very lacking interest in her beyond those things even in her traditionally negative depictions#And most of her “reassessments” tend to do diminish her so badly she's rendered utterly irrelevant and almost pathetic by the end of it#Even when some of these things *are* mentioned they're never truly emphasized as they should be.#See: her formal appointment in royal councils. It was highly unconventional + entirely unprecedented for queens in the 14th & 15th century#You'd think this would be incredibly important and highlighted when analyzing late medieval queenship in England but apparently not#Historians are more willing to straight-up INVENT positions & roles for so many other late medieval queens/king's mothers that didn't exist#(not getting into this right now it's too long...)#But somehow acknowledging and discussing Elizabeth's ACTUAL formally appointed role is too much for them I guess#She's either subsumed into the general vilification of her family (never mind that they were known as 'the queen's kin' to actual#contemporaries; they were defined by HER not the other way around) or she's rendered utterly insignificant by historians. Often both.#But at the end of the day her individual role and identity often overlooked or downplayed in both scenarios#and ofc I've said this before but - there has literally never been a proper reassessment of Elizabeth's role in 1483-85 TILL DATE#despite the fact that it's such a sensational and well-known time period in medieval England#This isn't even a Wars of the Roses thing. Both Margaret of Anjou and Margaret Beaufort have had multiple different reassessments#of their roles and positions during their respective crises/upheavals by now;#There is simply a distinct lack of interest in reassessing Elizabeth in a similar way and I think this needs to be acknowledged.#Speaking of which - there's also a persistent habit of analyzing her through the context of Margaret of Anjou or Elizabeth of York#(either as a parallel or a foil) rather than as a historical figure in HER OWN RIGHT#that's also too long to get into I just wanted to point it out because I hate it and I think it's utterly senseless#I've so much to say about how all of this affects her portrayal in historical fiction as well but that's going into a whole other tangent#ofc there are other things but these in particular *really* frustrate me#just felt like ranting a bit in the tags because these are all things that I want to individually discuss someday with proper posts...
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Avoiding lineart at all costs
Also hey yeah I changed the blog aesthetic, next post's gonna be an "About Me" because I want one lmao ☝️ [edit: me when I lie]
#ALSO WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT'S BEEN FIVE MONTHS#happy five months yall!#that actually hurts me#mb yall#I'd say “I'm gonna try and post more” but I can't promise that#life's been kicking my ass#so have a sketch of the guy!#I hate lineart.#I think I would rather ingest a cactus whole#than try my hand at lineart again#at least for right now#I'll probably line this later#idk I'll get back to you maybe#or maybe not ! 😛#buster moon#sing 2016#sing 2021#sing movie#fanart#furry#digital art#anthro#sketches#I miss drawing him
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i didn’t do it, i didn’t do it for love; what did i do it for?
[sequel piece to kill the sparrow]
#sleep token#sleep token art#sleep token vessel#sleep token ii#sleep token fanart#bygone art#blood#blood tw#death#death tw#ask to tag#<- idk what warnings are appropriate for this exactly#but yeah. please please please read the fic it has more context#for those who did:#at the end of the day in this timeline the cycle doesn't end. not with them#vessel ends up on the other end of the blade. he knew he would. he has known from the beginning#and it still hurts#not getting his throat slit; he has come to terms with that. it's who's holding the dagger to his neck#the one before was a stranger to him; still not easy to kill but easier when you feel nothing for them#ii is a friend. a bandmate. the closest person in vessel's whole life and he has to die by his hands#it isn't easy to let go. for either of them. but holy duty stands above any feelings they may have.#there's no vessel now; just a lifeless body that housed sleep once and never will again#there is no ii either. a new vessel now stands reborn#he is without a name but his new purpose is grander than he'll ever be#his demise laid out right in front of him#slumped at his feet#okay enough writing in the tags alex i hope you shit yourself (very affectionate)#sparrowverse#bygone lore
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random throwback to fabio's response to casey saying he should've been black flagged for the whole open leathers situation
#'he is at home and he likes to fish' is truly superb#//#brr brr#heretic tag#current tag#i was reminded of this in a very roundabout way... seeing a social media graphic celebrating fabio making q2#which is like. yes that's nice. but that's also inherently extremely depressing lbr#and i was kinda thinking how... look obviously people don't ignore it and yes the novelty has worn off after last year#but it feels like what's happened to fabio should STILL be getting more attention than it is. like it is a major injustice#that also no past stars of the sport are regularly having hot takes about! they mostly just ignore him!#i do sometimes link casey and fabio in my head. roughly the same age gap to the all-time-great hazing them during their rookie seasons#the only riders within their manufacturers able to wring performance out of their bikes over the course of several seasons#who suffered a competitive decline as their manufacturers went the wrong way#now obviously casey's 2010 is nowhere close to as abysmal as fabio's 2024 but. y'know. and at least casey got to leave for pastures greener#anyway given all that. it is funny that like their one significant interaction is fabio dismissing casey as a fisher#which ironically is of course a deeply casey line. casey had a whole thing about how retired riders should maybe know to stfu#“i have seen the real face of some with whom i had a good relationship” EXTREMELY casey line#and thus the cycle of life continues#(though casey was obviously right here lol)#ofc the main difference between the pair of them is that fabio at heart is a lover and casey is. not that
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god i know i said i was tired of making eveerything sad but just imagine timber those first few months of reconnecting and they're both drunk on tim's boat, laying on the deck staring up at the stars and bear turns over to look at tim, his eyes are sad and wet, and he reaches out to touch tim's face as if to make sure tim is really there and not an illusion and tim whispers, "bear?" and bernard smiles a little brokenly and goes, "so how long do i have you for this time?"
#tim fully sober now: what do you mean? i'm right here bear#bear still drunk: i got you for almost a whole year last time. how long before you leave this time?#bear: 2 years? 6 months?#tim sadly: you can have me forever bear#bear laughing: i don't even get you that long in my dreams#bear smiles reaching out to poke tim's face: don't worry tim! anytime you want to come back‚ i'll be right here.#god tim who's constantly leaving and bear who knows but cant help letting him comeback into his life again and again#you cannot tell me that bear went to that first date in urban legends expecting tim to stay#he went to that date expecting to get his heart broken again but he loves this boy so he goes anyway#tim who always leaves and bear who waits patiently everytime#sorry im like sobbing in the library#bear is so 'right where you left me' coded#bear who loves tim so much he'll let tim break his heart again and again#head in hands head in hands#dc#tim drake#bernard dowd#timbern#timber
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hey friends I’m looking for some reading recommendations!
I’ve just been rereading old favorites, which is a joy, but I’m hankering for something new to surprise me and capture me. I’m open to anything but have particular soft spots for:
- narrators or POV characters with distinctive, atypical voices, perspectives, or assumptions who make an ordinary or extraordinary world more interesting by being seen through their lens (ex. Martha Wells’ Murderbot, owlet’s This, You Protect)
- clever, precise plotting and storytelling such that final conclusions or reveals click together like delightful, unexpected but perfectly predictable clockwork— the sort that you can see obviously in the first chapter but only after you’ve read the last page; stories where the authors trust the reader to pay attention and figure stuff out (ex. Megan Whalen Turner’s The Queen’s Thief series, The Westing Game, Pamela Dean’s The Secret Country)
- worldbuilding with depth and texture — it feels explorable, immersive, like you could study it, like you could get lost, like other stories are going on just off the page (The Secret Countey gets a second honorary mention here, great book, I highly recommend)
- characters you can root for, especially ones that are slowly, quietly, unregretfully tearing themselves apart for something they care about (Kip Mdang from Hands of the Emperor, Newt from Designations Congruent with Things, Nico D’Angelo from the Percy Jackson books, Arthur in rageprufrock’s Presque Vu)
I like stories with momentum, stories that swallow you. I like beautiful things. I like stories that surprise me and make me think. Help a gal out? What stories have captured you?
#novels/origfic or fanfic#it’s all good#heck rec me a tv show if you want#my whole life is feeding babies and napping right now#did you know twin newborns is A Lot??#they’re perfect and I would trade them for nothing
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While rereading mdzs I am once again shocked by how talked about the "you were the only mistake he ever made" line from Lan Xichen to Wei Wuxian is and how heated it gets some people because honestly... I don't think he actually even believes that.
Stay with me. Look at the actual line. (I Included 2 translations for comparison's sake)
Firstly, yes he is mad at Wei Wuxian in this scene. But his biggest moment of anger was actually before this. By this point he's realized that Wei Wuxian forgot what happened after nightless city (and therefore ISN'T stringing along his baby brother on purpose) so he has in fact calmed down a bit.
Secondly, notice that he starts by talking about how his uncle felt. This is not Lan Xichen making a value statement about what he thinks. When he says Lan Wangji was proper and righteous he is talking about him being a model lan, he's talking about their family and clan's perspective of Wangji. Indeed, in their eyes, Wei Wuxian is the only time Lan Wangji was ever not the textbook perfect Lan.
Thirdly, what is Lan Xichen trying to say here? What is he mad at Wei Wuxian for? It's that he doesn't know Lan Wangji is in love with him. His anger is eased by realizing Wei Wuxian doesn't remember the very blatant confessions lwj made in the cave after nightless city, or Lan Wangji fighting his own clan elders for Wei Wuxian, and so had no way of knowing the whipmarks on Lan Wangji's back were related to him. But he is still mad, he still thinks Wei Wuxian should have been able to figure it out. So what does he highlight?
The fact that the only thing Lan Wangji, perfect model-Lan righteous Lan Wangji, ever defies his clan for is Wei Wuxian.
And Wei Wuxian has seen him do this! Even if he doesn't remember this one instance. Because Lan Wangji has been doing that the whole story through. Wei Wuxian has watched Lan Wangji blatantly stand against the entire cultivation world for him, and here Lan Xichen is highlighting just how unusual that is, how much Wei Wuxian must mean to Lan Wangji that he's willing to do that. The important part of the sentence here is not "mistake" it's "only."
Lan Xichen here isn't trying to say that he disapproves of Wei Wuxian, or telling him to stay away from his brother. Remember, the thing that made him mad in the first place was Wei Wuxian saying that he and Lan Wangji slept in seperate rooms. He thought they were together! He's mad because they're not!
At no point does Lan Xichen say he individually considers Lan Wangji's feelings for Wei Wuxian a mistake. If he ever did, it's clear he accepted them regardless long ago. Mistake or not, what he wants is for his little brother to be happy.
#mdzs#mdzs meta#lan xichen#For the record even IF he really did think of wwx as a mistake I think he's owed a moment of pettiness!#he's wrong but when i see people cite it as a major reason they dislike him i'm like... everyone in this novel is a war criminal#but frankly that's not so relevant because looking at the text... he doesn't think that!#he's consistently pro wangxian the whole story through. this speech is literally the catalyst to wwx confessing his feelings to lwj!!#frankly for a shovel talk – which it basically is– this whole thing is MILD. there weren't even any death threats!#also!! it drive me up the all when people mistake the intentional xiyao wangxian parralels in this scene as a personal dig on lxc#Yes! Xiyao and wangxian are foils! everyone seeing wwx as a stain on hanguang-jun's reputation but the venerated triad as an honorable bond#only for wangxian to end up happy and lan xichen with both his sworn brothers dead... that's the themes baby!!! can't trust reputations!!#but then people get mad like 'wow how DARE he say that when HE liked jgy!' that's the point!! miss mxtx did that on purpose!#Also lan xichen is VERY aware at this point just how much jgy lied to him! It's not like he's still in his a-yao is innocent era#He is LITERALLY a hostage! He is processing all of this as we speak!#he's less 'YOU are a mistake and i wish wangji didn't love you! unlike me who has never trusted anyone i shouldn't'#and more 'my entire life is falling apart right now and my little brother is the only one in my family who might still get a happy ending-#WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS IN LOVE WITH YOU???'
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