#this is literally not wven allowed
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Maybe it's hormones and mood but man... Sometimes I feel like a lot of people push a "This character is ultimately the strongest over any of yours" on me and I'm just like //scratches my head// sometimes. Not inspired at anyone or anything just a thought
#It doesnt mean you cant have a strong ass character! Like irdc but it feels like none of my characters can also be as strong or as whatever#Even if i explain stuff like yeah- this guy is x y z and such but then its: actually no. *Your* character cant beat mine and im like... ok#realistically there are a lot of my characters who arent OP nuts and i dont mind if ocs are op either just kinda like :/..#Why cant *i* also have a strong or powerful character?#Why cant i have the same thing lmao#i specifically dont try to overshadow someones character and very minimally try to have it effevt others but idk#nothing in particular!!! at anyone specifically just like.. ponder sauce...#.txt#i dont think having a character who is op ruins it but its also like... so when i have one. Im not really allowed to do that.. k#Like. Natani is a great example of a guy i have literally just decided cannot be very strong or have interesting powers lmao#same with milo. Same with Jun. Same with taya... same with lammek#dont wven get me started on navika and natsuo
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
for once in my god damn life im invited out by my friends to do something that i dont have to initiate or invite myself to, and bc ive had a headache all day and havent been feeling good i lost track of time and was late and they fucking wont let me in or let me buy a ticket. apparently they have a “no distractions” cut off policy. place is one of those fucking places that serves food during the movie like be SO serious right now
#HOW IS ME WALKING TO MY SEAT DIFFERENT THAN YOUR SERVERS?#are people not allowed to go pee either?#i checked their reviews to see if anyone else had this issue and they turned away ppl who already prepaid for tickets too#like bro?????#literally going to see a niche indie movie by some trans woman with 15k twitter followers#girl nobodys probably even in that theatre except my friends#im mad and trying not to beat myself up either but i am so upset rn lmao#of course i fuck every god damn thing up in my lige#*life#and im like almost an hours drive from home too so if i wven want tl hang out whrn the movie lets out i cant go anywhere#idk!!!! AAAA
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i hate how obsessive i can get its disgusting
#every thought every waking (& sleeping) hour circles back#literally making up conversations not wven on purpose it just happens#i go on walks and imagine youre there too and i plan my words for things i wanna tell you once im allowed to#so deeply pathetic
0 notes
Text
Anyone want to burn down my school for me? /hj. School is hell and is fucking killing me. It will be my death. All the strees every single teacher puts on me. All the strees my parents put on me to fo well and mad at me for never having any extracurriculars. All of the thoughts destroying me from the inside out. The world falling apart and I don’t have the skills personal money to escape this hellhole. I sm scared snd streesed out 24/7. No wonder my physical gealth is starting to fail. I don’t have the wnergy to take care of myself snd i hate it. I don’t have anything in the real world. It is all pointless to me. Also i hate all the jokes my parents have made about judt plugging me and my brother into the matrix because we are addicted to the internet(as tho it isn’t their fault) and because we have no lives(as tho that also isn’t their fault and our bio mom’s given we have both definitely gotten secersl of our mental issues from her). Parents once made a “joke” about taking us out back and just killing us because we don’t want to live in the real world. Totslly what you say to your heavily depressed kids who at least one of them is suicidal(me) and would absolutely adore that. My parents suck. Also I don’t feel safe at school. Yet another three people i know for certain i can’t trudt and are evil given they were talking about have gender affriming care should be illegal(surprised they used the correct term given what they were saying) i was just sitting there like wtf. I am scared. Also two of those three girls sit at the same table as me in marketing do yet another reason to hate and fear that class. I fucking hate that class. It causes me to completely freeze and break down because of the assignments revealing some of my weaknesses which no one can be allowed to know especially given how many people are openly evil and i am a easy target. I widh i could drop the class but i missed the absolute deadline(the fucking literal 3rd day of school. I didn’t wven know the syllabuses for any of my classes but one by then) to drop classes because i was sick. I am dying because of school. I also have no energy to actually do anything outside of school besides bed rot and hide in my room and sleep most of the day because of everything. Thanks parents for fucking emotionally neglecting me for do long that you didn’t notice that i had so many fucking issues that could have been prevented or treated like 5 or 6 or 7 or maybe 8 years ago. Suvh as putting me on anxiety meds since like first grade. I should have been on them since then because it was do bad then and has only gotten worse since. Or maybe antidepressants since like 7th or 8th grade because it was there then but didn’t get extremely bad until 9th grade and 10th grade where it completely nose dived into the ground and has been boring through the ground even farther down since. I am broken because of them ignoring me and my problems pr even making them worse. Like that one time in i think was it 2nd grade where carter(my brother) had been harassing snd bullying me since we woke up and the whole day until i finally snapped at him in the evening and completely blew up and threw several chess pieces at him and missed and hit the window and cabinet glass behind him and shattered them. I got my ass beat for that with a belt multiple times. And wasn’t allowed to go to the fair that night and got several of my plushies taken from me. Carter’s only punishment was not going to the fair for litwrslly bullying me all day. I learned to completely hide everything from my parents. Also the fact carter wouldn’t get in trouble for even like for example getting one of his close friends to kick a soccer ball straight at my head and breaking my nose.(just one of the many many many things Carter did. I just remember it so clearly unlike most of elementary) Carter didl got receive any punishment. And you know whst my parents epuld tell me every time when he would bully me? They would tell me to just ignore him because he will stop if i do that.
I don’t know if they never deslth with bullies or not but that is notvhow you get a bully to stop. That only makes them worse because they will instead of doing badic stuff to get you to completely explode the will do more and more extreme stuff until you do. Also no wonder i have anger issues and barely don’t explode at anyone for the slightest thing. I was suffering from several mental issues snd was constantly without stop made fun of and harassed and the people who i was supposed to protect me did nothing and actually made it worse. Some things carter would do all the time are make fun of my speech impediment, the way i walk, the way i move my arms, the way my face looks, everything about the way i look, call me things like fag or tranny and all the slurs under the sun he knew even if they made no since like calling me the n word(i am the palest you can probably get do it made no sense), sexually harassing me, and raping me a few times as kids, and so much fucking more. I need him to have a fate worse than death Maybe lock in sydrome without the ability to close his eyes andhave everyone think he is in a coma, or maybe to get tons of brain damage that omly affects his physical ability to fo stuff do he finally fucking know what it is like to be fucking disabled. I fucking hate his guys and want him to feel pain for everything he has done to not just me but all his gfs and his current bf. He is a monster. I hope he gets his karma soon.
I hate how i can’t trust anyone especially authority figures for already mentioned reasons and many other ones such as for example my 2nd grade teacher would pretend i didn’t exist when i was literally talking to her or her not stopping bullies when i was being bullied right in front of her, or my third and fourth grade typing class teachers for getting so fucking mad at me for not using both hands to type(as tho i could because i can’t use my right hand or things like that) and literally coming over and forcibly correcting me, the fact that the best of my teachers in elementary(being my 5th grade teacher) was still very weird and purposely made me stick out from all my other students by literally changing her whole curriculum that year just because of me or like when we read “wonder” as a class she would basically say hiw i am simplar to august(the protagonist of that book) who is in fact disabled but in such s fucking different way that it just make me feel worse and internalize self hate about how i am not disabled enough to be treated as equals to everyone but too disabled to be like everyone else. So many people basically treated me like a baby that year i hated it. Another example from that year was when we read “fresk the mighty”(good book) why did she have to constantly point out how i was disabled. Also one more thing she did was on my birthday she literally have a massive party about august from “wonder” I don’t even share a birthday with him do it was so fucking creepy and i was do called out. There is so much more from judt my fifth grade class but at least wasn’t bullied that year tho was mostly ignored and isolated from my peers but at least no bullying like 2nd, third, and fourth grade there was do much that happened in those three years. Also i hate how much of 6th grade i missed because i had surgery on my right foot to find a lot of issues caused by it. Unfortunately the surgical site didn’t heal and almost got infected and that caused recovery from taking a like 2 maybe 3 months at most to around 6 or 7 months and only went back from like the last 3 months with taking a lot of time off because of recovery. That isolated me a lot more from everyone. Then i had seventh grade where nothing really happened besides isolated more. Then there was 8th grade where the pandemic started that march so was completely shut off from the world without being able to talk to literally anyone and was so alone and my grades started to slip and depression started to nose dive. But 9th grade was worse for do many reasons including me getting covid(still can’t taste or smell that well but the taste is slowly coming back now) and everyobe having changed including the few friends i had either them literally becoming fucking evil like one called me for having cp(not cerebral paldy) whwn i explained i had cerebral palsy and he knew i didn’t have the other thing but wanted to get me in trouble all because i was different and not like him. He was like the nicest person in 8th grade so who knows what happened but he became insanely ablest and sexist. Also i then hung out with a group of misfits(with two of them being trans and one being bi but somehow didn’t realize i was trans yet) but lose contact with all three of them over the summer. Then in 10th grade i made a friend. He was the nicest person to me ever and i also got a phone that year so i got his number and actually talked yo him outside school. He was so nice to me. But for some reason as soon as school ended he completely abandoned me and definitely blocked my number. No idea why. There was no reason why he completely abandoned me. Probably one of his other friends told him to. I mean he was friends with one of carter’s exes(she luckily broke up with carter after like 2 or 3 weeks once she realized how evil carter is). Also realized i was trans that year and he was the first person i came out to(wasn’t the reason he abandoned me given that was months and months before he did)
Then last year was completely alone and had nothing but at least could listen to music almost day and ignore the world as best i could. I have finally broken completely and have no way to ignore it like can’t even listen to music at school even during individual working time. I am so done
I am just so exhausted and done with life but unfortunately can’t kill myself to end it
#mental illness#mental health#tw selfhate#tw sui ideation#transgender#transfem#high school is killing me. literally.#parents are emotionally neglectful#my brother is evil#tw vent#tw rant#life is miserable#no idea what else to tag this#also sorry for it being so long#and sorry for the formatting being chaos was writing as i was thinking
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
before i reblog, i want to give you ALL the flowers in the world. i just finished reading the monster of a fic called the great war and YOU HAVE DONE IT AGAIN. there are no words that can amount to how much i adore this fic. i love lengthy word counts done right (god knows how much long fics i got excited over before them being disappointing or boring as a reader) and i, most importantly, love enemies to lovers, arranged marriage, historical aus done right !!
lets get this out of the way first GRRR WOOF WOOF WOOF BARK SNARK GRERR RAHH HOWL BARK BARK WOOF WOOF WOOF GENERAL SEUNGCHEOL VICTOR OF VENICE I NEED ABYSMALLY.
okay. now that i can safely get that out of my system, LOVE LOVE LOVEEE everything about this fic. theres something so sweet abt men being written unrealistically (aka respectful and honorable whattt??? out of this world tbh) im joking ,, but i did absolutely love how you made cheol so strongly standing for his wife. the slow burn that really did the tag justice (it BURNT), the ENEMIES TO LOVERS DONE RIGHT!?! LIKE YESSS !!! they actually did want to kill each other and the yelling and arguing leading up to the first kissing scene CHEFS KISS like that's literally the epitome of writing, like is it really an e2l if there isn't a intensely written argument before the first sign of intimacy!?!?
throughout reading this story, all i could think abt was how could i ever put into the words the justice you served. allowing reader to be a strong character yet so eloquently bringing to light the struggles she would still face from just being a woman, to seungcheol using his power to stand FOR her. an honorary mention of the "Careful." he would reply to the Councillor after the panicking scene from the Florence mention INCREDIBLE!! it gave everything and more!! the character development from both sides, venus and mars foreshadowing, the subtleties that only slow burn could provide. i genuinely wish i could give a way better review than this but unfortunately im still speechless due to how beautiful this story was so just pls take this dreary review and understand that im so so in love and i adore you so much for the amount of work you put out into this, from the visuals and the descriptions, the perfect build up, the amazing writing of e2l and reflections– just EVERYTHING. you created a masterpiece <3
brb literally pulling my hair out till I got scraps left .
IMNSORRY ):£3!3!3 IM GONAN SVREAM SHIT CRY ?:£3!3!3 THIS IS THE SWEETEST THING EVER ):&:!3! 😭😭😭😭😭 First of all UR SO RIGHT … I never find huge fics anywhere and if I do they’re just …: YAWN ‼️‼️ I’m so glad u love those tropes they’re my BIGGEST guilty pleasures 😭 tho I can’t even lie I don’t feel guilty at ALL for historical! Aus
FUCKCJFKDDJD STOP I SVREAMED can u tell that cheol as a military general haunts me at night … I fear I am able to write another 40k for him ..: but ur so right tho my biggest biggest swoon moments come from men dying and sacrificing themselves for their lovers and I just !!! Seungcheol would absolutely die for his wife and this information jumps me in my sleep paralysis FR .. I’m so so happy u agree w me about the hatred I NEED HATRED FOR E2L OR ITS NOT E2L !! and PLS another guilty pleasure is screaming in each others faces before eating each other up … i will not be held accountable …
STOP I COULD CRY ??? thank u for appreciating the little bits of the fic 😭😭💖 that scene was incredibly hard to write and I’m glad people like it so much !! PLEASE DONT WVEN APOLOGISE ??? This is more than I could ever ask for you are truly so kind 😞💖💖 thank you for taking the time to read and send this unbelievably sweet message may or may not be thinking about this for the next 700 business days 😍😍💖
#asks#hobistigma asks#the great war tings#u don’t even need to reblog after sending THIS .#thank u for this truly 😞💖💖#nothing makes me happier than seeing people enjoy my fics#even more so when they felt something while reading my (horny) writings#also thank u again cheol u are the reason i got brainrot this Intense .#user hobistigma permission to kiss u thru the phone …#i Hope ur pillow is warm ur grades are sky high ur skin is clear#💖💖💖💖
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
Just popping in to say that I really like your writing style. I really really like how it not only makes you feel things, but also LETS you feel things — if that makes sense. (it doesn't, but anyway.). I like how the narration is just a tiny bit unhinged and WILL make you laugh. I like how despite that, it doesn't sugarcoat or downplay the very real flaws and fears that follow every character.
Like, yeah, the world is tiring and people are tiring and you kind of just want to lie prone facedown on the ground Forever, but also. The narration (or, well, the MC) WILL snark literally Everything in sight to hell and back. You will have a heart to heart with someone deadset on getting that "MC's #1 Pain in the Ass" t-shirt and they WILL, quite literally, fly away when the conversation gets a little too honest; you are allowed to take your ire out on a pile of twigs. Presumably. You stare into a chicken's Not a Single Thought Is At Home eyes and someone WILL vehemently come to its defense if you slander it. Pillows will fwoomp pathetically to the floor. Everyone's sort of got their own wet cat thing going on. But also everyone is lovely. (And some people just suck, but they can wait their turn this isn't about them). You're allowed to feel angry. You're allowed to feel sad. You're allowed to feel a strange mix of everything and nothing. You're allowed to feel spite. You're allowed to be kind. You're allowed to be complicated and frustrating and flat out vexed with yourself. You are a person; you are a person. Those who surround you are also people — strange or vexing or supernatural they may be. The world is alive. You are alive.
Anyways. Yeah. :D I gotta clarify that this isn't about choices or variables and all that IF stuff. This is about your writing. It's just how it makes me feel. It's how your worlds and characters and everything make me feel. They are very dear to me. Thank you so much for sharing them. I love reading everything you show us, and I'm so glad you're writing.
Sorry for terrorizing your inbox with this Very Long Thing (I'll probably do it again). Once again, thank you, and good luck with everything!! 🤺🤺🤺✨✨✨✨
[P.S. Also, I typed a Very Long Thing in my tags for a certain post of yours but tumblr cut the whole thing in half when I posted it ��� I was like, "THE AUDACITY" and took off to your inbox so I could tell you what I meant to say in the tags (most of it is in the first paragraph of this ask) but now I'm kind of glad that tumblr offed my tags like that. It's allowed me to convey Everything to you in a.... somewhat more coherent manner, at least 🐓✨]
THJFN D. FHJFJGKGKVJVNFNVNGMV. dude WHTA THE HELL you are too too kind thank you so much?!?!!???!!??!!!!?! , , ,,, thank you for takingthe time to write this...... and even coming to my inbox when your tags cut off DJFJSKF SERIOUSLY i appreciate this so. immensely i'm ):
i won't lie i am struggling a lot with trying to convey this in a way that's satisfying with the IF format but the characters are what i consider to be among if not The Most Important thing in my writing and that includes the mc, so injecting little quips/opinions/human things into narration is my jam. if they don't feel real then what's the point!!!!!! it's hard with player choice and variables and it's definitely been a steep learning curve for me (which is part of why it's taking so long to write lol oops) but. i just. people are complex. and i want to make room for all sorts of people if i can. & i'm so glad that my writing makes u feel things. wven kust in general because THAT'S ALL WE WANT AS AUTHORS. LIKE. THANK YOU
ok i have no idea what i'm saying at this point this is so stream of consciousness no clue if it makes sense but THANK UOU AGAIN. WAGGJHH. I SEIFOFK. i am going to think about this ask every fuckign day for the rest of my life. this ask is my NEVER BACK DOWN NEVER WHAT?
#NEVER GIVE UP!!!!#answered asks#snowthornes#not if related#<3#i caught a cold for frolicking out in the rain (whimsical) so my brain is very mush right now#habe no words for my appreciation for real you are being too nice to me AJDJFKSKF
17 notes
·
View notes
Note
for the ask game, 👽,💝, 🫂, and 😭 for witchcraft scott! He is The Blorbo <3
WOO you got it boss! o7
(💝) a hc about their love language:
i think ive done this one before? gift giving- definitely gift giving and words of affirmation. milo knew that man like the back of his hand and that letter was nothing but gifts and lovey dovey words.
(👽) a hc about a weird quirk of theirs
idk if this counts as a Quirk exactly but i think he’s just frigid cold all the time. hes cold as a corpse, yknow? alternatively; I think he maybe talks to zombies like they’re people. he knows theyre not cognizant rly and cant respond but to him its like talking to pets or plants- just a bit more grim. its more weird to see then to experience
(🫂) a friendship hc
OUGH. ELOISE AND SCOTT MAN. i hate slinging the words sibling coded around but christ almighty. these two are sibling coded because scott will like curse her and she’ll be like ok fine but also fuckyou and hit him for it
and they’ll laugh but the second she’s like ok olease stop like legitimately he does it right away. theyre assholes to each other but in that ‘only im allowed to be like this to you’ way.
does that make sense? this isnt even a hc im just rambling they both thjnk theyre protecting the other from something is what i mean
(😭) a hc about the worst thing that happened to them.
you knew what you were doing here huh. okay. well i think milo and scott had a dream house, but since its always ‘what we wouldve had’ instead of ‘what we had’ i think the two of them were living Rough somewhere, working hard for a better future. and in trying to get them both enough money to make it, milo ends up in some deep shit and gets killed.
because he dies to some Not Legal shit, he doesn’t get an official grave. they dont wven tell him what they did with the body or the ashes. just that he’s gone. and its so terribly, awfully, unfair that they never got any happiness after so long trying that scott literally starts doing the same shit milo was (breaking into places, stealing, lying, etc) to force the world to give them a happy ending instead
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
if anyone else is curious, here are all the opinions from the tags so far 👀
@acediscowlng: #ngl my first reaction to this poll is that if this happened bruce would also be dead before jason got to him #we know he doesnt handle losing his children well #losing one turns him…. into a neurotic control freak who will be taking over the world #but four? (he still thinks jason is dead) and three in rapid succession? #uh. i cant imagine him handling it well. #but if he does manage to survive that #depends on how they died i guess #we know that he would be more willing to kill in the immediate aftermath of his kids death #but if given the time to stew? #uh…. i think he wouldnt kill the joker because he would hate the idea of being a hero altogether #he became batman because he wanted to be a person who could have saved his family #but he was the most batman batman could ever be and his family died anyway maybe even because he's batman #like how would he even carry on after that?
@modernoracleofdelphi: #what i want to happen; what would make sense to happen; and what would actually happen are all different answers #i think in any world where joker dies bruce cant be the one that does it. 2 is the most plausible joker dies scenario #i think the truth is somewhere between 4 6 & 7 but he tells himself 5 too when hes trying to seperate himself from his emotions #whats most likely to happen with the comic writers at the time the utrd was published is probably option 8 actually #where things are fundamentally Worse somehow. The way bruce treats jason would be darker and heavier #the worst outcome i could see being genuinely comic canon accurate is bruce slitting his throat and then putting him in arkham WITH joker #itd be framed as The Morally Rifht Decision because jason is 1) 'getting helped' & 2) where bruce cant impose his love onto him #(because its fine to love him as long as you dont have to look him in the eyes. its fine if you dont say it.) #i could also see him genuinely pitching it as protection for jason From jason. yeah he forcefully institutionalized you but jay… #cant you see he did it because he loves you? he just wants you to get better son. #Again: all of this would be posed as morally correct despite the obvious damage it would do #very clearly a Dont Come Home but also youre not allowed to leave him in any meanigful way
@fancyfade: #i think some of the no options are p much the same but anyway no #he is too stubborn to change his moral code wven if he thought it was his only option to have part of a family and not be miserable
@an-android-child: #number 6 literally number 6 #he has lost everything and it is his fault #everything he touches rots #he's been cursed since he was eight #there's no more love to give #just death
@havendance: #i think it changes nothing #but also everyone is dead and it's all his fault and his first mistake has come back to haunt him #i think if the choice Jason presented him with was different Bruce would let Jason kill him #if that's what Jason wanted
in my dream i ran a poll/hypothetical situation where dick, tim, and cass were also killed along with steph during or right after war games. which meant that in under the hood, bruce was alone for a completely different, completely involuntary reason.
anyways unrelated poll
Yes. And why shouldn’t he kill the Joker himself? His other children are all dead. Why risk losing the miracle that brought Jason back to him? He’s always wanted to kill the Joker, anyways. (And Jason will come home at last.)
Yes. He won’t kill, even now. But maybe he can lower the gun and watch Jason blow out the Joker’s brains. (Will it be enough for him to come home?)
Yes. He won’t kill and he won’t let Jason kill the Joker. But maybe he can turn a blind eye to the Red Hood as he rampages through Gotham’s criminal underworld. (Will it be enough for him to come home?)
No. The only thing he has left to live for is his code. He won’t betray his own morals. (Don’t come home.)
No. The only thing he has left to live for is Gotham. He won’t let a murderous vigilante run rampant in her streets. (Don’t come home.)
No. He was right, his own love is a death sentence. He will drive Jason to hatred, for his own safety. (Don’t come home.)
No. This changes nothing. (Don’t come home.)
#congrats everyone all the things you guys touched on made me even sadder than i already was 😔#also yesterday night i learned about the “superman summit” where the writers of the 4 superman titles would come together and#discuss (aka: argue) about where the story and etc would go. i think we should all recreate that it would be fun!!#by the way!! if you want your tags to not be spotlighted for any reason or whatever just dm or send me an ask about it o7#i'll update this in a reblog if more people add opinion tags but i'm not gonna have access to my laptop again until next monday sooooo. the#update reblog will come after the poll has already ended whoops. fhgjsdghkdjfdj#i mean i could screenshot but i feel bad if i dont describe such a long post and i likely won't have the time to do so this week#dcposting#dc#batman#jason todd#bruce wayne
122 notes
·
View notes
Text
SEOKJIN, I WILL SUE YOU.
#this is literally not wven allowed#i have seen this video so many times and still i-#jin’s handsomeness is smearing my life#SEOKJIN!!!#he truly is worldwide handsome#kim seokjin#seokjinie#bangtan boys#bangtan sonyeondan#uwuu#hotjin#bts#bts army#bts at fanmeets#worldwide handsome#jin hyung#oppa#seokjin oppa#kim namjoon#min yoongi#jung hoseok#park jimin#kim taehyung#jeon jungkook
37 notes
·
View notes
Text
:)
#vent tw#i am so fucked up i cant even handle it. i don't even know who i am. im so fucking stupid and every day its being proven time and time again#im the stupidest kid in all of my fucking classes and everyone must think im so dumb. i used to be at the top and ive fallen so hard. last#year i had the top average in my grade and this year i can't even get a fucking 90 in english#im so fucking stupid. i have the lowest mark ive had in math for all of highschool. my english mark is in the eighties and i can only#manage a 94 in french. now the one scholarship i actually had a chance at went to my best friend who's marks are over 2.6% below mine and i#can't be happy. its not wven about the money i just feel so fucking worthless#everyone is going to look at him and think he's better than ke and i can't handle that. i just want to be seen as smart again#its literally all i have and i feel like it fallong away from me so fast. im nothing without it. i have to be the best and im not. i dont#know what to do when im not. i can't change anything this is all so final and important im falling apart.#i can't stop crying i just feel so stupid and worthless i cant do it anymore. i don't want friends if theyre better than me#and thats so so bad but its true. i canthandle it. i just need to be the best. im such a terrible fucking person that i couldn't even show#my best friend that i was happy for him because i wasnt. hearing that fucking crushed me and if i talked about it i would've cried and thats#so fucking mean. i value being better than everyone more than i value mt actual knowledge and i fucking know this#it hasnt actually been about learning or being smart for years#i have nothing else going for me and looking smart by a bunch of stupid numbers and achievements is the only thing that allows me to live#with myself. without being better than everyone im nothing. im so fucking disgusting but its all i have and its crumbling and im spinning#and all i wanted was for him to go to the same university as me but i wish he wouldn't have so i could have won and i would never have to#see him again. i have to live with this for four years#each year his stupid fucking scholarship will renew and ill have nothing#he's going to be better than me and achieve more. he actually has passion and determination. im just a gifted kid riding on her abilities to#feel superior - and now rhat i actually have to put in work and im not the best i literally don't know what to do. i can't live with myself
5 notes
·
View notes
Note
imagine watching a scary movie after daddy Henry said you weren’t allowed to then begging him to sleep with you that night
//oh baby...
You’re heart thumped loudly in your chest, your breathing raggedy when you tried to catch your breath. You paused the movie half way through only moments ago after all the jump scares finally got to you.
Henry was in his office working late, he had some extra lines to learn and some rewriting. He had told you to cuddle up in bed and wait for him, he usually didn’t allow you to bring the ipad with you but he had seen how tired you looked. He had just assumed you would read one of your many books or watch a cartoon or two before you passed out.
There was no light in the bedroom, not even a light in the hallway. You where too scared to move wven an inch to get to your bedside lamp. The night sky did little to ease your mind as it casted spooky shadows around the room.
You knew not to watch that movie but temptation got the best of you. And really, the cover of the movie didn’t even look that scary. But you know realized you should have listened to your daddy.
The bedroom became too scary and your paranoia got the best of you when you started hearing Kal and Henry move downstairs. You knew it was them but the tension created from the movie made you think completely different. You whined lowly as you slid out of bed carefully, taking quiet steps away from the bed.
When you heard something crash downstairs you squealed loudly. You covered your mouth with a smack.
“Y/N?” Henry asked, confused and concerned about your sudden noise. He paused and waited for a response, when one didn’t come he called for you again. “Baby?”
You rushed down the stairs, feet stomping loudly on them. You slipped only on a couple stairs, but quickly caught yourself on the railing before you ran to Henry.
“Woah! Where’s all this coming from?” Henry asked as you let him catch you when you landed roughly in the arch way of the stairs.
“I watched that one movie you told me not to watch and now I’m freaking out!” You rushed, forcing his arms around you as you spoke into his shirt. “I don’t want to go back upstairs alone!”
Henry sighed loudly through his nose, his eyes softly closing in annoyance. He looked down at your shivering body when he let his head fall on his chest.
“Didn’t I tell you—“
“Yes yes I know! But I just really wanted to know what happened and now I know why you told me not to watch it.” You interrupted him as you squeezed his waist, you didn’t want to be reminded of how you disobeyed him.
Henry grunted, unwrapping himself from you and grabbed your face in between his palms, squishing your face in order for you not to jerk away. He knew you regretted your decision now about the movie, but he still needed to remind you of manners and obedience.
“First off, don’t interrupt. Second, next time listen to me like a good girl and this won’t happen. Hmm?” Henry sternly spoke, a raised brow in a silent challenge for you to disobey him again.
“Sorry daddy.” You whispered, letting your head rest in his hands. “Can we get a nightlight, please?”
-// i went a lil extra on this but this is literally something i would do lmaooo 🥴
#nonny ask#daddy!henry ask#daddy!henry headcanons#daddy!henry x little!reader#daddy!henry cavill x reader#daddy!henry cavill
206 notes
·
View notes
Text
BIRCHHHH
a new girl moved in next door. phd. long story but i actually met her and helped he rout once but forgot. anyqyas was making a lot of noise past two week but i let it go. but has been bringing guys over. every night. been letting it go. but im literally hijabi. anywyas today finally went and said u gotta stop it’s not wven allowed and a bunch of us are uncomfortable. and she was like oh okay🤨 in the kost rude attitude ever and BITCH same DAY and she has a man over again. like it’s deliberate. we’re in the room right nect door. have some reapect ugly ass crysty ass hoe hope they reject her thesis and call her stupid to her face how are u gonna be ao disrespectful
2 notes
·
View notes
Photo
Advice, Alive, and Being Alone: NSFW This is the start of a beautiful thing. Say something nice, or share a cat fact. Today happy_cat7 2:32 AM Bro, your comment on that girl's post about being single is unacceptable. First of all, being alone is on you. Your attitude got you there. Second, how does having autism make girls not as good as "being normal". That's the "best" you can get? Not even that man. Because we're smart enough to know to stay away from guys like you. People with autism don't use either. You know why? Because we're socially awkward, which is perfectly fine, and we're smart. Only people who were raised improperly will use people, and that has nothing to do with autism. You need to snap back to reality. people 2:39 AM NSFW Heya. You might be right and i really might have a shirty opinion, but just because you have moral highground and all the right reasons to call me out for my faulty reasoning does not mean i can simoly 'get my shit together' with waving a magical wand or such. The socially isolating and introvertly shy lifestyle on top of being just average has not done me much good when it comes to having a girl or relationships at all. Sure i might have a because of that and not have best reasoning but then what? not being able or allowed to even express my feelings even if they are ones? To just shut the fuck up and just 'BE' something that i an not in 0.5 seconds? shirty outlook on life faukty Goddamn typos... happy_cat7 2:43 AM Maybe you should actually try to understand them? I mean seriously, communication is key bro 2:43 AM NSFW Understand who? happy_cat7 2:45 AM People. People with autism or just people in general $2:46 AM NSFW I might be on a spectrum myself and it probably sounded way wrong as what i intended it to sound like so ifet why you got so ypset Ffffd And even when you are my faults, i dont mind. but giving superficial, shallow and just bad advice is not so cool though right to call me out on happy_cat7 2:49 AM Yeah, well I get pretty defensive sometimes when it comes to people with autism, because we seriously don't deserve to be treated so poorly ya know? And there's literally nothing wrong with us, our brains just function a little differently. So when people talk badly to or about autistic people I get mad 2:51 AM NSFW An average guy who might as well be autistic and is inteoverted as fuck...without a single relationships ever in his life....the best u can do is 'try to understand leople in general? gee thant helps, and i do realize how aggressive and cold i sound, it is voice of desperation and desair talking... Despair happy_cat7 2:55 AM Well what I'm trying to say is communication is key. I know it's not easy to understand people sometimes, and being introverted makes communication hard. I already know that. That's been my whole life. But I've always tried to push past it. It also helps if the person you're talking to isn't a jerk and actually tries to understand that you have trouble communicating (I've had that happen to me, a "friend" called it an excuse. We're not friends anymore) 3:09 AM NSFW Well, thanks for calling me out on my bullshit, i was wrong to write whatever was on my mind without thinking any of it over, my bad. But i'm fucked as i was and i know i am empathetic, kind and mean well in my daily life, but that constant inability to create relationships/friendships in my daily life has pushed me into a state of despair the anger and rage is clawing out from deep within as i lash out at people who have done me no wrong. Isolation and inteoversion is not a simple lifestyle change on a something that i am not and if i tried i'd be fake as fuck and could not live with myself, so i remain timid and awkward, confidence and self-esteem is not found in a pack of pringles neetly stacked and ready to be indigested for success. It feels like peasent farmer person without education and manners of a noble to flip of a switch. I can be just start acting like one. It is hard to just live life on daily basis with knowing that it will not really get all that better. Isolation and lack of empathic friends is killing will to live quite fast. And i am one of a insane number of guys like me, there are soothe the pain of it yet i take none of it, no drugs, alchohol or cigaretes or anything like |that, i eat healthy and work out, i help my family out and keep it cool with them. But alart from that i ama broken person who feels pain of being alive being alive alone without a friendly soul to just be there for me from time to time. plenty of bad habbits to turn to to You are female and by reading this you know and think that there is no way in hell that you'd be around a lerson like me wven just for support. Who likes weak men...but should they all just up and off themselves? To change there needs to be massive pull |towards something, will to live and achieve something, but what about those whose will has been stomped, abused and rejected in childhoods, for those who grow up broken and without guidance? Does taking random happy pill advice help such people? Zombie pills or forever-sleep injections for the unworthy i dunno, all i can say is that it feels soul crushing. Well fuck, you likely don't care for any of it and i am just bothering you, if you read this far then i'm sorry for consuming your resources ar ruining you mood, go be happy and free like a cute little girl you are. happy_cat7 3:20 AM Hey man don't talk down to me like that, I'm trying to sleep. Yeah I'm human I sleep. I guess I was wrong about your change of attitude, the second you don't get attention you talk to me like I'm 4'3 and still drink from a sippy cup. Piss off Message Daggerforce ur/ He said crap about autistic people. I thought he changed his attitude.. Nope. Threw a pity party, when he didn't get the attention he wanted he talked down to me
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
its just not gair that um never allowed to have any friends the second i javw a friend she has to fins something wrong woth them like ots literally all the time and i know the provlem is not even enzos gender its just that she hates me havingc a friend!!!! Becase all my liige there qas a problem with every single friend oh no u cant hang out with maddie i dont like her dad shes not nice no u cant hang out with anath she has family problems now no u cant hang out with ebzo because theyrea boyWHEN TEHYRE NOT WVEN A BOY AND EVEN IF THEY WERE THEYRE GAY!
0 notes
Text
I displayed literally every sign of being transgender, even stating over and over I was or wanted to be a boy, since I started speaking, around 3 or 4. Parents not only refused to acknowledge this, but beat me for expressing this. I wanted to dress masculine, jeans and plain coloured warm t shirts. Oh no, they wanted me in skirts and white, pink, yellow, orange, obviously “girl cut” shirts. Wanted short hair, because I was terrible at keeping long hair clean and brushed, and Cuz, you know, boy? Nope. Not wven allowed a trim. Hair down past my butt. Oh yeah and let’s add a head covering, to really slap home that “girl” vibe. Naturally deep voice? Disgusting, you sound terrible, lighten it. Don’t like the way I walk, the way I talk, the things I’m into, literally told me I was cut off from my hyperfixation (Star Wars) because I was “obsessed” with it and it “was stupid” and I should focus on more “feminine stuff”.
First thing I did when I got out was cut my hair, and even then I was genuinely terrified of cutting it shorting than my shoulders. Took me another...2 years to cut it shorter? And another 2 years to come out as trans. Thankfully, my siblings understood and accept me, took the younger ones a little bit, but they got it. They knew who I was and how I had been my whole life. Bless my siblings for being 100% more accepting than our parents.
When I was a young kid, my mother’s abuse centered around the fact that I was a tomboy.
When I was a teenager, my mother’s abuse centered around the fact that I wasn’t lady-like enough. (Ew, yuck, that term is so manipulative.)
When I was a young adult and came out as gay, my mother’s abuse centered around the fact that I was gay.
A few years later when I realized I was butch, my mother’s abuse revolved around the fact that I was trying to be like a man.
I was always being abused by my mother’s homophobia and transphobia. It had been happening many many years before I had any idea what being gay or trans even was.
This is pride month and in honor of our unique and lovely selves, let’s break the silence on our abusers’ homophobia and transphobia. Let’s all give ourselves the gift of screaming the truth from the digital treetops!
Have your abusive parents abused you in homophobic, transphobic ways? Feel free to tell us about it!
(As far as I’m concerned, transphobia includes any behaviors from others that attempt to force you into the gender binary box)
406 notes
·
View notes