#high school is killing me. literally.

[dragonmistressivy]

Anyone want to burn down my school for me? /hj. School is hell and is fucking killing me. It will be my death. All the strees every single teacher puts on me. All the strees my parents put on me to fo well and mad at me for never having any extracurriculars. All of the thoughts destroying me from the inside out. The world falling apart and I don’t have the skills personal money to escape this hellhole. I sm scared snd streesed out 24/7. No wonder my physical gealth is starting to fail. I don’t have the wnergy to take care of myself snd i hate it. I don’t have anything in the real world. It is all pointless to me. Also i hate all the jokes my parents have made about judt plugging me and my brother into the matrix because we are addicted to the internet(as tho it isn’t their fault) and because we have no lives(as tho that also isn’t their fault and our bio mom’s given we have both definitely gotten secersl of our mental issues from her). Parents once made a “joke” about taking us out back and just killing us because we don’t want to live in the real world. Totslly what you say to your heavily depressed kids who at least one of them is suicidal(me) and would absolutely adore that. My parents suck. Also I don’t feel safe at school. Yet another three people i know for certain i can’t trudt and are evil given they were talking about have gender affriming care should be illegal(surprised they used the correct term given what they were saying) i was just sitting there like wtf. I am scared. Also two of those three girls sit at the same table as me in marketing do yet another reason to hate and fear that class. I fucking hate that class. It causes me to completely freeze and break down because of the assignments revealing some of my weaknesses which no one can be allowed to know especially given how many people are openly evil and i am a easy target. I widh i could drop the class but i missed the absolute deadline(the fucking literal 3rd day of school. I didn’t wven know the syllabuses for any of my classes but one by then) to drop classes because i was sick. I am dying because of school. I also have no energy to actually do anything outside of school besides bed rot and hide in my room and sleep most of the day because of everything. Thanks parents for fucking emotionally neglecting me for do long that you didn’t notice that i had so many fucking issues that could have been prevented or treated like 5 or 6 or 7 or maybe 8 years ago. Suvh as putting me on anxiety meds since like first grade. I should have been on them since then because it was do bad then and has only gotten worse since. Or maybe antidepressants since like 7th or 8th grade because it was there then but didn’t get extremely bad until 9th grade and 10th grade where it completely nose dived into the ground and has been boring through the ground even farther down since. I am broken because of them ignoring me and my problems pr even making them worse. Like that one time in i think was it 2nd grade where carter(my brother) had been harassing snd bullying me since we woke up and the whole day until i finally snapped at him in the evening and completely blew up and threw several chess pieces at him and missed and hit the window and cabinet glass behind him and shattered them. I got my ass beat for that with a belt multiple times. And wasn’t allowed to go to the fair that night and got several of my plushies taken from me. Carter’s only punishment was not going to the fair for litwrslly bullying me all day. I learned to completely hide everything from my parents. Also the fact carter wouldn’t get in trouble for even like for example getting one of his close friends to kick a soccer ball straight at my head and breaking my nose.(just one of the many many many things Carter did. I just remember it so clearly unlike most of elementary) Carter didl got receive any punishment. And you know whst my parents epuld tell me every time when he would bully me? They would tell me to just ignore him because he will stop if i do that.

I don’t know if they never deslth with bullies or not but that is notvhow you get a bully to stop. That only makes them worse because they will instead of doing badic stuff to get you to completely explode the will do more and more extreme stuff until you do. Also no wonder i have anger issues and barely don’t explode at anyone for the slightest thing. I was suffering from several mental issues snd was constantly without stop made fun of and harassed and the people who i was supposed to protect me did nothing and actually made it worse. Some things carter would do all the time are make fun of my speech impediment, the way i walk, the way i move my arms, the way my face looks, everything about the way i look, call me things like fag or tranny and all the slurs under the sun he knew even if they made no since like calling me the n word(i am the palest you can probably get do it made no sense), sexually harassing me, and raping me a few times as kids, and so much fucking more. I need him to have a fate worse than death Maybe lock in sydrome without the ability to close his eyes andhave everyone think he is in a coma, or maybe to get tons of brain damage that omly affects his physical ability to fo stuff do he finally fucking know what it is like to be fucking disabled. I fucking hate his guys and want him to feel pain for everything he has done to not just me but all his gfs and his current bf. He is a monster. I hope he gets his karma soon.

I hate how i can’t trust anyone especially authority figures for already mentioned reasons and many other ones such as for example my 2nd grade teacher would pretend i didn’t exist when i was literally talking to her or her not stopping bullies when i was being bullied right in front of her, or my third and fourth grade typing class teachers for getting so fucking mad at me for not using both hands to type(as tho i could because i can’t use my right hand or things like that) and literally coming over and forcibly correcting me, the fact that the best of my teachers in elementary(being my 5th grade teacher) was still very weird and purposely made me stick out from all my other students by literally changing her whole curriculum that year just because of me or like when we read “wonder” as a class she would basically say hiw i am simplar to august(the protagonist of that book) who is in fact disabled but in such s fucking different way that it just make me feel worse and internalize self hate about how i am not disabled enough to be treated as equals to everyone but too disabled to be like everyone else. So many people basically treated me like a baby that year i hated it. Another example from that year was when we read “fresk the mighty”(good book) why did she have to constantly point out how i was disabled. Also one more thing she did was on my birthday she literally have a massive party about august from “wonder” I don’t even share a birthday with him do it was so fucking creepy and i was do called out. There is so much more from judt my fifth grade class but at least wasn’t bullied that year tho was mostly ignored and isolated from my peers but at least no bullying like 2nd, third, and fourth grade there was do much that happened in those three years. Also i hate how much of 6th grade i missed because i had surgery on my right foot to find a lot of issues caused by it. Unfortunately the surgical site didn’t heal and almost got infected and that caused recovery from taking a like 2 maybe 3 months at most to around 6 or 7 months and only went back from like the last 3 months with taking a lot of time off because of recovery. That isolated me a lot more from everyone. Then i had seventh grade where nothing really happened besides isolated more. Then there was 8th grade where the pandemic started that march so was completely shut off from the world without being able to talk to literally anyone and was so alone and my grades started to slip and depression started to nose dive. But 9th grade was worse for do many reasons including me getting covid(still can’t taste or smell that well but the taste is slowly coming back now) and everyobe having changed including the few friends i had either them literally becoming fucking evil like one called me for having cp(not cerebral paldy) whwn i explained i had cerebral palsy and he knew i didn’t have the other thing but wanted to get me in trouble all because i was different and not like him. He was like the nicest person in 8th grade so who knows what happened but he became insanely ablest and sexist. Also i then hung out with a group of misfits(with two of them being trans and one being bi but somehow didn’t realize i was trans yet) but lose contact with all three of them over the summer. Then in 10th grade i made a friend. He was the nicest person to me ever and i also got a phone that year so i got his number and actually talked yo him outside school. He was so nice to me. But for some reason as soon as school ended he completely abandoned me and definitely blocked my number. No idea why. There was no reason why he completely abandoned me. Probably one of his other friends told him to. I mean he was friends with one of carter’s exes(she luckily broke up with carter after like 2 or 3 weeks once she realized how evil carter is). Also realized i was trans that year and he was the first person i came out to(wasn’t the reason he abandoned me given that was months and months before he did)

Then last year was completely alone and had nothing but at least could listen to music almost day and ignore the world as best i could. I have finally broken completely and have no way to ignore it like can’t even listen to music at school even during individual working time. I am so done

I am just so exhausted and done with life but unfortunately can’t kill myself to end it

[sapphire-of-midgard]

some more gow text posts before midterm season takes me

[stuckinapril]

me stoically navigating my way through drama bc bigger things are ahead and it’s not my fault people are dumb

[darth-does-stuff]

man. the entirety of the summoning is a banger but when i tell you i literally had to pause the video and stare into the distance with my jaw hanging for a good few moments at ‘what’s in your pocket, stephanie? stephanie has got a gun’ etc. like holy SHIT. i think part of the reasoning it was so effective for me at least was because i kinda thought it was like. oh steph’s just gonna have to say ‘i give up pete’, she wouldn’t have to physically kill him haha, and then the lords in black mention the fucking GUN and i’m like wait FUCK. and even if you realized that steph would be the one to have to kill pete, you’d be like ‘oh. well she can’t really kill him that easily, so it’s not really feasible’ and then you remember she can end it with just one fucking shot to the head

[nerves-nebula]

my design skills may be mid and i may never have enough energy to keep up with my peers and i might never come up with a design that makes my classmates go "oooh that's so cool!" but my inability to Just Fail Out Of A Class means i WILL be getting this degree and i WILL sit through a million miserable critiques and i WILL participate enthusiastically in order to do it. YES I KNOW ITS THE SAME THING AGAIN. YES IM AWARE MY DESIGNS ARE STALE. IM BUILDING A BRAND FOR MYSELF OK?? I HAVE 8 PAGES OF A COMIC DUE ON THURSDAY GIVE ME A BREAK.

[bunnieswithknives]

hello! Quick question, my friend is writing a YHS FIC and they really want to get the characters accurate. Do you have any major personality details about YHS!Bunny and what their goals are? Of why they want to investigate and stuff like that?

Also, if you don’t mind: In the Mx. Sinister animatic, there was a scene with bunny and a bunch of written papers and we’re having trouble deciphering some of them. What does this one say?

Thanks in advance!!

Bunny is meant to be a character with schizophrenia, though I'm sure my portrayal isn't very accurate(partially just because I suck at staying in character lol) but this is nonetheless a central part of them!

Bunny's delusions and paranoia lead them to very frequently feel unsafe and isolated. Even when they aren't experiencing hallucinations, their negative symptoms mean they struggle to keep friends.

The disappearances caused a very sharp spike in their symptoms. Nova, previously being one of their few friends a suddenly withdrawing' and having 180 personality shift and was massive hit to their very slim social life and an even bigger hit to their paranoia. I'd say that was the moment when they went from a more passive paranoia to full blown red-string conspiracy, and obsessively taking pictures of everyone and everything (The polaroid camera is a result of one of their delusions, they are terrified of anything hosted digitally being tampered with and so the polaroid are loophole that they can use to assure themself of reality)

Bunny's main goal in life is to feel safe. Unfortunately for bunny, that's kind of unattainable in a town like that.

Especially in the current arc of having been kidnapped and tortured... yeah lets just say they aren't doing so well. Quite a few things they were paranoid about have been validated, they are in constant agony from their missing face chunk and they have developed multiple substance addictions from being force fed pills. Their safety is now totally and utterly out of their hands and I think its kind of broken them a little bit, they are so miserable and hopeless that its kind of wrapped back around. To put it simply they definitely have some Stockholm syndrome going on.

Fizzy takes care of them, Fizzy helps feed them, Fizzy makes sure they don't bleed to death after Chaos hurts them.

Chaos likes(?) their company, Chaos gives them happy pills, Chaos doesn't kill them.

In a very twisted way Fizzy and Chaos are all that they have, and the only people who still care about them.

As for the photo:

it doesn't say anything in particular, its meant to be incoherent nonsense but if I remember correctly its "No" "Yakuza?" "Could be" "Spies?" "Maybe"

[dicedot]

I haven’t interacted with the MLB fandom in years. I never watched past the third season. This being said, it was technically the fandom that got me into fandoms, so I have an attachment to it. And you know what? I need fics where Marinette is having fun being challenged. Like, all of Lila’s canon bs is just so easy to unravel with a few phone calls. I need a fic of these two girls playing 5d chess with extra ethos while every single other character is at least mostly lost. Because yk what? I grew up with this baby and I need her to grow up with me. I would like blood and mind games please. If Marinette is interested romantically in anyone it better not be Adrien because he needs to sort his shit out. Anyway this got away from me and it’s a silly thing, but my point remains. I need Marinette to fuck shit up IMMEDIATELY. And you know she’s gonna be good at it. I’m not asking for a Mary Sue type Marinette (even though she already fits that character type but that’s a different conversation), I’m asking for a Marinette that lives up to what she could be. Yeah.

[frogspawned]

pet peeve is when a story tells us something is aberrant, but it seems to matter more about who does the behavior than the behavior itself. rorschach in snyder's watchmen isn't going too far; we watch nite owl and silk spectre ii snap necks and arms with gleeful, loving abandon, in slow motion no less, while they lecture the audience about rorschach's violence. heroes frequently torture the plot contrivance out of a villain and then moralize to the camera when the villains do the same. indominus rex's killing spree doesn't shock or appall me; all the jurassic world dinosaurs act like mindless killing machines, and the camera lingers, rapturous, on their cruelty. it's not an outlier. there's nothing interesting about it beyond as a set piece.

in a better script, the indominus rex would have had pathos; a chimera made for entertainment, for profit, stitched together with no regard for itself and placed in a lonely box. a freak among freaks. of course it would be mad. but the film wasn't interested in it as an animal, or a character, only as a moving piece of scenery for people to scream at or breathe tensely while it can clearly smell and reach them but doesn't, because it isn't a character and doesn't have motivations.

it's just sort of boring, i suppose. it tries like all other empty drab things do to cover it with bombast and roaring and soaring brassy scores but it's just sort of dull. a sprawl of nothing.

conversely peele's nope is a transcendent monster movie, imo, because it thinks about the the whys and hows, how jean jacket perceives the world, how the world perceives her, and lets that shape the narrative as much as jupe or emerald or gordy. they consulted biologists and behaviorists, digging into the meat of it. the creature as a camera as an animal as a device. nope has layers. it takes its own insane premise seriously, and has something to say, and is a goddamn good movie. i forgot where i was going with this.

[kavehater]

“In general I find the idea of being with a man disgusting but I don’t find it disgusting with him”

- spoken by a lesbian

[dragonmistressivy]

I have decided that i am going to drop out of high school as soon as i know how to. I have been completely burned out and i am literally getting worse because of school. Also I don’t feel safe being in public(already didn’t but this election has made it very obvious that I can’t trust anyone and so many people are out to get me). My mental illnesses are getting worse as the days go by snd school is making it impossible for me to recover and actively causing them to get worse. I went from being near the top of all classes before high school but ever since i have been slowly slipping until just year where i completely fell to the absolute bottom and am now failing everything with low f’s. I hate how much stress my parents put on me. They literally blame me for my bad grades and are like just do the assignments. I wish i could force myself to but i can’t for so many reasons. I am actively getting worse day by day and i can feel it. I am slipping away faster and faster as the days go on and if i don’t slow it now there will be no future me so either i destroy my future and possibly have a better life or i end myself snd suffer every single second until i do. I am not getting into college and haven’t even tried to apply because i don’t have the energy to and have crippling anxiety that i will fail and just waste even more of my parents money. My parents won’t pay for like hrt or any of the gender affirming surgeries even tho they would make me suffer less snd it isn’t like we can’t afford them. My dad makes enough to afford them multiple times over in one year even with the more expensive ones. I am pissed. Also like my mom comparing me wanting those stuff to that one person who got tons of surgeries to look Korean. And neither my parents call me by my name. They both call me my deadname even tho it very clearly makes me suffer. They will have a dead daughter if they continue their stuff. The insane thing is they are completely supportive of other trans people just not me. I am fucked. I don’t have a future and have even less of one as the days go by. I am going to try and drop out as soon as i can and try not to tell my parents until i have to because they will l be mad at me and angry that i am “destroying your future”. My future is already destroyed

[straightlightyagami]

interesting question to ask your normie liberal/conservative acquaintances: would you rather have socialism or fascism? or for slightly less charged words you can rephrase as: would you rather vote for the far left or the far right? Very very telling!

[bukvarsbitch]

An unofficial, very personal to my tastes, and unnecessary ranking of all of the songs in Nerdy Prudes Must Die

(typed on my laptop so you know shit's real)

I think it goes without saying this is all my opinion. All of the songs are genuinely good, even the ones I don’t love/like! That being said, here’s my ranking just because I’ve been thinking about this a little bit and I want to put it outside my brain.

15: Dirty Dudes Must Die Look, I get it. It’s a twist, it’s a time for Angela to slay. That’s all good and fine. I just don’t love the placement and it didn’t feel like an ending to me. That being said, “darkness will save my soul” goes HARD.

14: The Best of You People keep putting this high up, which I respect, but I can’t resonate with. Someone said it felt very DCOM to them, and I think that might be why I don’t love it; it just feels really tonally different, and not in the way that Just for Once is that’s a clear differentiation for a whole slew of reasons. It’s a totally fine song, I just don’t love it as a fake-out closer. It just doesn’t work for my brain.

13: Cool as I Think I Am (Reprise) I love a sad reprise as much as anyone else; for some reason, this one just really doesn’t vibe with me. No thoughts about why, I just always skip the last three songs on the soundtrack because I don’t love them.

12: Go Go Nighthawks Okay, so we’ve finally gotten past the songs that I just don’t like lol. I actually really like this song! I think it’s cute tonally and it gets off the really artificial and saccharine world that’s about to come crumbling down. Also, the “squawk squawk” always gets stuck in my head for some reason. It’s only this low because it’s not one that I’d put on repeat.

11: The Summoning Someone’s going to dox me for this, but I really don’t love The Summoning as a whole number. It goes hard, don’t get me wrong; I actually ADORE everything before the Lords of Black come in. Mariah, Angela, and Joey’s vocals blend SO beautifully, and the ensemble whispers are HAUNTING. I love, love, love it. The rest of the song is still awesome and I get why people like it, but I don’t love it until the ensemble comes back in towards the end. I also don’t love the start-and-stop of it; if they were going to do that, I feel like keeping everything singing would’ve worked better? I just feel a bit like the energy falters a little. That being said, I still really really like this song.

10: Just for Once I’m a sucker for this genre of musical; my favorite musicals are almost all from this era, and I really like this song on the soundtrack. I don’t actually love it in the show, but I really appreciate it as a number on the soundtrack. It made me understand Ruth a lot more (I liked her before, but I really GOT her after), but I didn’t love how it fit into the show at first, I think because Lauren’s vocals are a little different on the soundtrack compared to the proshot. A banger!

9: Cool as I Think I Am It’s a solid act one number! I’m actually fairly neutral about it, but I still love the way it sounds so it’s higher just because I’m more likely to put it on repeat. I also just love this occurrence of “I’m not a loser” and its later recurrence.

8: Bury the Bully Everyone seems to not like this and bully the bully??? I really like these songs; I think they’re super catchy and they’re a great comedic song for Angela to really get Grace into our hearts (more than she already was). This one’s only lower because I prefer the way the lyrics flow in bully the bully.

7: Bully the Bully I could listen to this song for literal years. I love it so much. Justice for bully the bully lol.

6: If I Loved You I’ve listened to this song SO MUCH. Firstly, Joey and Mariah’s voices go together SO FUCKING WELL. Secondly, “sure, I’m a sapiosexual, you’re intellectual, but I cut my lover losses when I can” is not only one of my favorite lines in the show but it also SO BEAUTIFUL. I think this song is just a great addition to the second act, and I really love it.

5: Dirty Girl Okay, so I will admit: when I first watched the show, I skipped this song. And then, after I finished the show, I went back and listened. I was so wrong, y’all. This is not only a god tier song, it’s also a great way to establish Grace’s absolute fucking insanity alongside Max’s (also) fucking insanity. Grace’s “I’m a good girl”s are such a good addition to the song and her character. I really, really love this song, and I think it’s a great place to start for my top five lol.

4: Hatchet Town SOMEONE’S GOT THEIR HAND ON THE HATCHET HANDLE SWINGING ON THE YOUTH IT’S A HATCHET SCANDAL CAREFUL OR YOUR FOLKS WILL END UP A CANNIBAL’S PLATE IT AIN’T GREAT YOU’RE BETTER ON THE RUN THAN YOU ARE HIDING SUDDENLY THIS QUIET TOWN’S EXCITING

God tier lyricism genuinely and it sounds sO GOOD. I love a “and here’s what the town thinks” song, and this is a great one that goes SO HARD. The chorus sets the tone so well. As I told my friend, it’s like if the Riverdale adults got a musical number, and I LOVE that.

3: High School is Killing Me This, to me, is an example of a genuinely perfect modern musical opening number. It sets the mood of the show so well, and it comes back to haunt you as the show slowly kills off its characters in a way that’s so satisfying. Of course, Mariah and Joey are hitting it out of the park; for me, though, the real star of this song is the ensemble. In any show, my favorite character is the ensemble, and this song is a great example of why. Lauren and Jon do a great job introducing us to the world (and their voices together are beautiful, GOD), and the ensemble makes it feel lived in and sets you up for the whirlwind you’re about to go on. Also, the harmonies. MWAH. (Also, “a cesspool faux democracy, it’s one hell of a normal abnormality” has been stuck in my head since I heard it; one of my favorite lyrics in the show).

2: Nerdy Prudes Must Die Love when the bully comes to kill you but it’s camp! Firstly, Will’s voice is GORGEOUS. Genuinely, I want him to play every single high school bad guy in a musical; he does such a good job. I just adore this song’s placement, tone, lyrics, sound, everything. I really love the way that “I could give two shits that you buried and left me, defiled my body, you pushed me off the edge” sounds, plus obviously the entire will you pray for me bit, ESPECIALLY WHEN THE ENSEMBLE COMES IN. Also, Jon’s absolutely fucking stuNNING “I’M NOT A LOSER.” God, it’s just so good. 100000/10.

1: Literal Monster I feel like this might be unpopular? But, I LOVE this song. It’s another one of those “and here’s what the town thinks” songs (in a way), the harmonies are beautiful, the GUITAR RIFFS, Will’s voice, the way it sets up Max’s entire being and everyone’s relationship to him. I already liked the song before Will comes in, but his voice adds such a wonderful tonal shift to the song with the HUH HUHs and then he just really goes for it, and I love him for it. His “a predator of my size, cross your heart hope to die, you can watch as I rise, I will claim what is mine” is genuinely one of my favorite sounds of the year. MWAH, chefs kiss.

[enobariasdistrict2]

katniss disliking eno and clove and being annoyed with glimmer is such a teenage girl thing to do by the way and i love that for her

[midrew]

woaaahh minecraft food yum !!

[funkopersonal]

Please don't talk to me, i'm anguished.

I'm actually going to kill myself over the APUSH exam on friday...

(for legal reasons this is a joke)

[lokigodofaces]

well, managed to go all day wearing a brazilian soccer shirt without anyone asking me if i'm from brazil/asking if i'm from a specific brazilian city that doesn't have the team of the shirt i wore. that's a first.