#this is literally everything i have planned currently but this list changes a lot!!

[whichcouldmeannothing]

big big marvey fic rec list

marvey is currently my most bookmarked ship, so trust me when i say i've been around the bend for marvey content. i have dug through a lot of it the past few months, so trust that these fics have been highly rated!

fics are loosely grouped, with the summary and my thoughts under the cut :3 no spoilers ofc bc i love you

MY PERSONAL FAVOURITES

A Specter-Ross Affair by @frivoloussuits (15k+, au)

“You ordered an ‘extra-hot, extra-wet cappuccino, single-origin, properly layered, to-go and ready five minutes ago to make up for your service speed or lack thereof.’” In which Mike is a barista, Rachel is a lawyer, and Harvey is paid excessive amounts of money to plan their joyous Christmas wedding.

"Love is just a particularly socially accepted form of fraud. It's a series of increasingly complex and fragile deceptions between two or more people, and, more alarmingly, between each participant and their own deluded subconscious."

i literally cannot recommend this fic enough. this might be my favourite read of the entire year, dead serious. this sounds fluffy but trust me, the pining and the angst go well like salt on a chocolate chip cookie: extremely decadent. everything about this fic goes insane and this should be your gateway drug into marvey, im so serious about this. READ IT. (weddingplanner!harvey)

of all the gin joints by @frivoloussuits (10k+, au)

Hanging around a neighborhood bar one night, Harvey befriends a guy named Mike after realizing they can both quote The Princess Bride on demand. In the law offices of Rand, Kaldor, Zane and Pearson, senior partner Harvey Specter takes on an unusual case, representing his managing partner's daughter as she divorces a Michael James Ross. Harvey sees no connection until it's far too late.

"They’re playing a virtuosic duet with inhuman ease, as if the intoxication has broken their boundaries and blurred them into a single entity."

this. obsessed with fics that really use the law in their plots, and this is a prime example. a lot of chemistry in this one that is described in a way that makes you jealous of the bond they share and there are still lines in this fic that i think about almost everyday but honestly, such a top-tier read. PLEASE PLEASE IF YOU LIKE SUFFERING ANF REALLY REALLY GOOD CHEMISTRY PLEASE

5U175 by Closer (26k, canon-adjacent)

Harvey sometimes moonlights as a Star Trek BNF. Mike might have an attitude problem on the internet. TiberiusGhost is strangely compelling, for a recluse who never goes to meetups, and Harvey's finding this kid Photohead vaguely familiar…

i know that the terminology in this one is hella old-school but trust me. as someone who doesnt read a lot of fandom fics, this fic has changed it all for me (also bc the author replied to my comment hehehe) stick with this fic because the way fandom weaves with the character development is absolutely delicious, i remember saying this in my og comment but this fic was written with love for fandom and you should definitely read it too!!! you'd absolutely love it! (also ben stans rise up ^^)

fics to sink your teeth into (20k+)

needs must by @melthemagpie (98k+, au)

When Grammy needs an upgrade in care, Mike knows that the usual one-off gig as a paid submissive won't be enough. He takes a job he's been refusing for a while - a long-term, full-time contract. He expects his client to be a sadistic asshole. He expects not to like it. He's wrong on both counts.

this is a fandom classic, every fic rec has this on the list (cw for dom/sub and prostitution, so if you're uncomfy please dont read) but i swear there are so many romantic moments in this one that make me swoon and the smut is very good, i usually tap out in long fics really quickly but this hooked me the whole way through twice. thats my ringing endorsement, READ THIS

Lobster and Other Catastrophes by @andthetardis (21k, canon-compliant)

After months of silence, Mike starts texting Harvey again out of the blue. Funny thing to do on his honeymoon, really.

BRO PLEASE. this was so good. angsty and pining-y enough even though it's mostly a text fic. text fics to me are more like comedic, but this one had substance and heart (and funny and enjoyable btw). pulls you in and really makes you want to stick it out and get to the beautiful ending <333 (harvey being soft is probably a category on its own :3)

The Game by @frivoloussuits (27k, hunger games au)

Harvey Specter and Donna Paulsen are efficient and elegant killers. They have trained since childhood, mentored personally by Jessica Pearson and marked for years as District 1's Tributes for the Hunger Games. Mike Ross is an orphan from District 12, a drug dealer, and an underage gambler. After years of scrutinizing the Hunger Games on TV to make savvy bets, he finds himself on the wrong side of the camera, now playing the odds just to survive. Harvey and Mike cannot, should not trust each other. Still, they strike a backroom deal.

"Because he’s clever and quick-thinking and he’s learned her main lesson well– don’t love anyone you wouldn’t be willing to see dead. Ideally, don’t love anyone at all."

I READ THIS WHEN I WAS REVISITING HUNGER GAMES AND OHHHHH THIS HAS THE ANGST. absolutely riveting. ths is the third fic im reccing from them bc i love frivoloussuits. i would die for them HHFSHFHKSDGDHFG i love the angst and the life-threatening situations that the hunger games provide and harvey as a career is correct. its just correct. everything here grips my soul

Disaster Stories by agatestones (22k, canon-compliant)

"Hold on," Mike asked, "you made Donna come into work in the middle of a blizzard?" "I don't make Donna do anything. Haven't you learned by now?" Harvey gave Mike a mean little smile, but under that was relief for anyone to see. "You, I can make come into the office in a blizzard."

reads like a novella to me, and it's really good!!! very episodic and you really feel like these are things that have happened in universe. its very slice of lifey and i reread it a lot as a comfort read, its like a big hug to me

Pizza and a Movie by Closer (30k+, au)

In an alternate universe, Harvey's still a lawyer but Mike's not a pot runner -- he's a deliveryman for Rollo's Pizza and Ribs, which happens to be Harvey's favorite pizza place. Once Harvey finds out his pizza guy is a genius, Mike's life takes a few turns he would not have expected...

i swear this is the most rom-commy fic marvey has to offer. i like aus that slap me in the face more with the alternate universe, but this is such a rom-com plot. fandom classic as well and it really reads like a hugh grant 90s movie and if thats not enough to pull you in idk what will tbh

Imprimatur by Closer (22k, au)

Mike was raised to believe Imprint was a life-changing event for those few lucky enough to experience it. Harvey was raised to believe it was a form of mental illness. When it actually happened, neither of them noticed.

this goes absolutely crazy. one of those fics where you read it and you almost want to throw your phone at the wall because the characters could make it so easy if they werent so stupid (but in a good way of course) but the way it was written, you feel the depth of the soulmate bond and why its so important (which a lot of soulmate aus forget to do loll) but goes down like an expensive and delicious dinner :)

afternoon reads (10k+)

Sony SRF-39FP by @frivoloussuits (11k+, canon-adjacent)

Anita Gibbs won’t settle for Mike, not when there are name partners within her reach. She offers only one deal– two years, no other charges against anyone else in the firm, as long as Harvey Specter turns himself in. And even as Donna and Jessica and Louis and Mike beg him not to, he jumps on the grenade. “Time to get busy living or get busy dying,” he remarks, and Mike gives a small chuckle. Then Harvey smirks, straightens his suit jacket, and strides into FCI Danbury.

“I can’t believe they’re trying to lock you in a box and forget about you,” Mike sighs as he leaves.

“Well, as long as you don’t forget me, I figure I’ll survive.”

“Maybe you haven’t noticed, but forgetting’s never been my strong suit.

cw for depersonalization and desc of solitary confinement, very very heavy but the way mike is there throughout everything makes my heart twinge. i really dont know how to describe this fic at all but its really good. it makes me cry a lot. also made me start listening to jazz which- uh

Here at the end of all things by @tattooedsiren (10k, au)

When he arrives at the Pearson Hardman building the lights are dimmed and the floor is deserted. His feet carry him to Harvey's office even though he expects it to be empty. Because Harvey probably fled the city via helicopter or teleporter or sheer force of will. But when he approaches the office he can see that Harvey is there. He has moved the couch so that it now faces the floor to ceiling windows and Mike silently sits beside Harvey, joins him in looking down at the chaos engulfing the city below. [Apocalypse AU]

I LOVE APOCALYPSE FICS UP UP UP badass!harvey makes me bark, but im a really big fan of people who find happiness in the worst circumstances and this fic does it so so so well. reminds me a lot of tlou episode like 2? the one with the strawberries. please this is what i revisit when i miss marvey and i dont have a lot of time because the world and the characters are jsut so delicious!!!

quick reads (1k+)

This Love is Silent by kim47 (8k, canon-compliant)

She should have known. She had known, that something was off, at least. She knew he was hiding something. She just never imagined it could be this. Despite Harvey's warnings, Mike tells Rachel the truth about everything. She's shocked, naturally, and more than a little angry, but she agrees to keep his secret, and even to date him. So when they break up, Harvey goes into damage-control mode.

RACHEL!! HELLO RACHEL!! im always up for smart and discerning rachel (this shows up in of all the gin joints too btw!!!) this runs realistic to me because it shows that rachelxmike arent some hopelessly wrong for each other couple, they have good and bad times. this feels more real to me than other fics bc its not like the world conspires for marvey to be apart, its just life. i know this makes it sound so sad, and it is, but trust me: this is really really really good i love this so much

an archive of harvey specter's expressions by @frivoloussuits (2k, canon-compliant)

Five old expressions that Mike rediscovers in new contexts once he and Harvey are (finally) together, and one that he sees for the first time. Alternatively titled “An Ode to Gabriel Macht’s Face.”

this was written for me. this is literally me. writing fic because gabriel macht is too pretty, like this fic is literally for me. a lot of peering at him to get this fic as masterfully written as it is, and i thank you author everyday for it. to me, this reads like it's been written with love and care and true adoration (Truly, like Mike)

Coffee-Cart Client Privilege by @frivoloussuits (7k, au)

Mike runs a coffee cart. The coffee cart.

"Why not? They're too big and dense to be a snack." So are you, Mike thinks, and yet.

IM SORRY I KEEP RECCING FRIVOLOUS SUITS THEYRE MY FAVOURITE WRITER IN THIS FANDOM HFBKABFDKHFBHKDSA this has the hand-wavy logic the show has itself but mike's internal monologue in this one is one of the best ive ever read and the way mike's integrated in the offices is just so well-done ahhhh

Objection by yeah its frivoloussuits again i feel bad tagging them like 7 times (2k, canon-adjacent)

When Mike announces he’s leaving, Harvey plans to hide the jagged pieces of his broken heart deep inside, where no one will ever find them. His heart would like to object.

BIGG fan of physical hurt/comfort!!!! also big fan of people absolutely freaking out in the hospital in fics, it makes me bounce of the wall!! very short but the angst and love really hits you quick and leaves you on the floor gasping for air. very good (also cant prove this but im very sure this is a scrubs reference.t hanks)

Excerpts From The Gospel of Harvey Specter, edited by Michael "Forever Awesome" Ross, 2011, 1st Ed, by @rcmclachlan (7k, canon compliant)

Mike can totally read people. Well, most people. Some people. Or maybe just Harvey, who's pretty much an open book.

this one's really funny! it doesent follow direct prose and instead plays a lot with the setting its in (where mike's a documenter of harvey) and its just so funny and adorable. has a lot of heart too, it isn't just crack or anything but you really feel everything mike does as he writes all this, read this!!1

One More Sleepless Night by @sal_si_puedes (9k, au)

Soul Bonds are one-sided – there’s usually mutual affection, but only one party feels the crippling need to be together as often as possible. If separated at length from their love, that party becomes crushed by longing, panic, and sheer hopelessness, and so it is illegal to forcibly keep Soulmates apart. Some days, Harvey Specter hates the Bond that skews his judgement and weakens his resolve, and he fears what would happen if anyone in his world ever discovers he is so compromised. He certainly never planned to disclose the Bond for the first time in the middle of Anita Gibbs’ office, in a last-ditch attempt to invalidate the deal sending Mike to prison.

HSDGFHSDKGHRLKGHK THIS FIC. i love fics that use more than just prose to tell their stories (see above fic) and this does my favourite thing that soulmate aus do, which is where they integrate in-universe explanations for the phenomenon. the amount of work and dedication put into this fic makes it absolutely sing and was absolutely lovely!!

also pspspsps

golden like the daffodils by @mini-mart (2k, canon-compliant)

Poetry holds meaning, for anyone who reads it. It obscures and dances around the literal and metaphorical, because it’s imbued with so much of something that it overflows out of any definition. It can make someone mad, or lovesick, or aroused, and the reactions would be absolutely warranted. Mike is poetry, to Harvey. - Harvey Specter could be a good politician, as he believes in pragmatism over poetry. He won't let his progress fall apart, won't let someone knock it down. And then someone unceremoniously cracks open a suitcase at his feet. Or: Harvey, pretty boys and poetry.

yeah yeah i wrote this yeah yeah self promo smth smth

there's a lot more that isn't here but i'll probably write a new one when i go for a deep dive through the ship tags again :3

^^ ao3 etiqutte applies! if you like the fic, kudos and comment and bookmark!! show your love! happy reading marveys! my gift to u :3

[xitsensunmoon]

Biting the Hand That Feeds au FAQ (Vampires + donor au)

Any general content warnings for bhtf au?

Yes. A normal amount of fnaf warnings, a normal amount of vampire warnings. For someone who doesn't know I elaborate... For vampire stuff, the most obvious ones are blood, hypnosis, bites, and animalistic behaviour. Less obvious - slightly suggestive themes. For fnaf - fnaf's usual violence, dark themes, a drop of gore and murders. The lore is uh. Very dark. I will try to decrease the amount of all of the cruelty but man. People who know, know how hard it will be. But I will tag everything properly so don't worry.

Is there a fic for your au?

No. And currently, I'm not even planning on writing one.

How do I find the story?

For now, we have two comics that are directly connected and one that doesn't have a specific place in the story but is about canonical lore.

[ 1 ] - [ 2 ] - [ x ]

In future, we will have more and I probably absolutely will forget to update this post so I recommend checking the tags. Here's the tag list

Tip: don't click the tag. Tumblr hides half of the results. Type it in the blog's search instead :)

Are the comics the only canonical thing about au?

No! I answer asks and draw a lot of doodles with bhtf au all the time and 90% of them are canon. You can, yet again, find everything in the tag list linked in the previous question.

Can I draw/write fan stuff for your au?

Yes, please!! I'm always happy to see fanart and fan writings and literally everything that you do! Just tag me when you post and use a fanart or fanwriting tag for au specifically so I don't miss it!

Can you include my characters in your story?

No, unfortunately, I cannot. The story is already written and I don't have any "space" for background characters either. Maybe it will change but currently, things are like this.

I asked a question with an interaction with my characters and I never got an answer, why?

I don't accept such requests. I'm not ready to spend my time drawing other people's characters for free(if I personally don't want to, of course)

Is there any limit to how many questions I can ask?

No, not at all! You can ask all you want just please make sure your question wasn't answered before. There is a big possibility I will just simply delete it if it was answered beforehand many times. Check the ask tag for it.

What about limitations? Any boundaries?

Please no questions about tickling🧍‍♀️ I got so many of those it already makes me uncomfortable. And for some reason, a lot of people send asks that include violence towards my characters and while I don't really feel uncomfortable with this I just idk what to answer and why are you even doing this lmao

What questions I should avoid?

Well, not really avoid but I will mention it anyway.

The things I have planned to draw right now:

- Sun and Moon and y/n's first meeting

- The creation of Sun&Moon

- Why S&M are sensitive to light and darkness

- How they hunt

So no need to ask me about these. I will show it, I promise.

What about sexual themes?

I understand that I post a lot of suggestive stuff and it may appear I allow such a thing but no.

You can create content with it tho, I don't mind for the most part. Just be ready that I may not reblog it, as my Tumblr is a SFW place. It's always 50/50.

Romantic themes?

I do draw some kisses and cuddles when I feel like it and you of course can send ideas for cute interactions but in the story we're very far away from it lol.

My question gets ignored even though I followed everything that you mentioned here. Why?

Answered in main FAQ.

Can I share the ideas for your au with you?

YES!!! Yes, yes and yes! I'm very open to that, like yes! The only thing that I definitely want to mention - you should expect that I actually can take your ideas and use them. Some people are protective of their ideas so if you're like this you probably should not share them with me :)

The information that you're using for your au is wrong.

Happens sometimes yeah. I know nothing about any medical stuff for y/n so I usually improvise. After all it's an au about robotic vampires man, this information is absolutely wrong. But! You're free to drop feedback/constructive criticism in my inbox!

Will be updated later

[dipperdesperado]

Get Organized!

I recently made a post about how to get started in doing radical stuff. Said otherwise, that post was meant to answer the question, “Where do I go, when I know the world is fucked?” This post covers similar ground, but is more interested in the theoretical side of things. Not to say it won’t be practical. It’s just saying that if you’re not the kind of person that can read a little bit and feel confident to act, or you like having a little bit more scaffolding, that you also deserve a resource. I’m hoping to contribute to that today. As the title says, we’re going to be focusing on organizing. This is one of those things that is said a lot, but is actually defined much less often. Tangentially, you should be aware and ready for this for literally everything relating to politics. Any word that you hear used, you should always ask for a definition. Many a movement would have gone differently if folks spent more time trying to find semantic alignment. Anyway.

When I say organizing, I mean catalyzing the energy of folks, acting from a specific theory of change. A theory of change is a thought process or method to create some kind of social impact in a particular context. When the world sucks in some particular way, and you want it to stop sucking, the answer is to organize, in the way defined above. By organizing, we lean on the idea of collective power to create changes that are currently only afforded to those with authoritarian power. It’s a game of evening the odds.

I will also note that this assumes that you are going to be framing your work around broad-based movements, that have (mostly) aboveground (as in “legal”) tactics. This is not necessarily a statement of what is correct; small groups that are in concert with larger movements are also able to be successful, even when doing more confrontational tactics.

So, to organize, I’d say it would be useful to be involved in movements already. You can look at my radicalism 100 post to see how that could look. Either way you have to know what your where your niche(s) lie. In other words, what sits in the middle of the intersection between what you like to do, what you are good (or can become good/have a willingness to become good) at, and what is needed in your context. I tend to center the local level, because that is the area where influence is more tangible, and fits into how I see a resilient world coming to fruition. So, you have to ask yourself, “What can I do, that I would enjoy doing, in my community?” Then, you should find some other people who are in that same vibe. Depending on your approach, this may take no time at all, or a lot of time. I listed some ideas for finding folks in radicalism 100, but to reiterate: look for social medias and IRL presences of people who are into the same topics, and connect with them. See where you can plug in, and see where the contours of organizing in your local contexts are. Ideally you can see places where gaps can be filled.

Once you find an issue that you think has potential, and you have a couple of people to do some organizing with, you have what I think of as a catalyst group. This group is meant to start (or assist) in a certain kind of reaction, but not lead it. Trying to control movements is both futile and antithetical to liberation. So, to ground us, we have two very important ingredients: a topic/issue/area of focus to organize around, and a group of folks to work with. Once this is in place, you can co-create a strategy with your organizing team. I’d recommend employing an encircling strategy as your long-term or meta strategy, where multiple sub-strategies and campaigns happen within this frame. Essentially, this allows you to employ campaigns across a matrix of tactics. Within the encircling frame, you can create a campaign (what I consider a “short-term” strategy). Campaigns are a series of actions over time. Strategies are a series of campaigns over time.

A useful way to think of strategic planning is by separating the process into stages, grouped by movement size.

Small: Organize small actions/protests, figuring out ways to build movement visibility and interest

Medium: Focus on scaling up the participation, through mobilizing efforts. Promote your actions, get people involved, and encourage meaningful action.

Large: Create a movement. The kind of thing people hear about.

To organize on the smallest level, the easiest thing might be to just do plan actions that are well within your team’s capacity, organize those actions, and execute. If you can swing it, I’d really recommend to not lean too much into symbolic actions. There are risks with every action, no matter what legal frameworks your locality has. If you’re going to do something, you have to be very intentional with:

what you hope to accomplish through the action

a high likelihood of success for the action

doomsday planning in case something goes wrong

If you’re able to do this, then you will be leagues ahead of a lot of other folks. This is not to make it a race or a competition, but it is moreso to say you can symbolically represent and catalyze action without becoming a martyr.

As you’re doing actions, you should be refining your idea of who’s impacted by the issues more and more. As that picture gets clearer, you should spend more and more time understanding and listening to those folks. Ideally, you get to a point of co-creation, where you are enabling people to fight for themselves and build their autonomy. That is the kind of thing that prevents movements from dying. Organizers should be trying to put themselves out of business, in a sense. Catalysts should be able to come from anywhere.

To scale up, I’d recommend a focus on meeting folks. Take the ideas of deep canvassing, where you empathetically have conversations with whoever is impacted by the issue you’re responding to, through the lens of giving power to those people. Rather than asking them to feed into some established system of power, encourage them to take action into their own hands, as a collective.

I’d also recommend that as capacity grows, build a “positive” or “constructive” power. This can look like a lot of things. Whether it is a block club, neighborhood pod, community council, or community assembly, dedicate energy into creating spaces where people can start building their democratic and consensus muscles. These can simultaneously act as the training ground and alternative governance structure that allows folks to start making decisions for themselves in a very specific way.

This will ideally allow the movement to really start to be intersectional. It should be intersection minded from the outset, but that can be difficult to meaningfully actualize in the early stages of the movement. since single-issue movements are inherently brittle (if your movement revolves around getting something on a ballot, winning or losing just ends the movement)—there are throughlines that connect all movements, and those lines should be made visible and traveled. Environmentalists should fight for housing rights, LandBack, Reparations, and a host of other things. The more developed our networks, the stronger our movements will be.

[steddieunderdogfics]

This week’s writer spotlight feature is:  @gayjinkies! gayjinkies has 7 fics posted on AO3 in the Stranger Things fandom and all of them are in the Steddie tag!

Our anonymous nominator recommends the following works by @Gayjinkies:

I’m a lover, boy

lover, you can’t be wrong

heartbeat (increasing heartbeat)

any solitary pleasure

Are You Sending Out Your Love Signs?

"Their writing is absolutely masterpiece. I LOVE their characterisation of Steddie!" -- Anonymous

Below the cut, @gayjinkies answered some questions about their writing process and some of their recommended work!

Why do you write Steddie?

I started reading Steddie during a really weird and stressful time in my life. I’d be reading literally the entire night through for months on end. Reading about these dumbass boys was one of the only ways to escape for a while. When my day-to-day chilled out a bit, I figured I may as well give writing a go, since I’d read, I swear to god, hundreds of fics by that point. I immediately fell in love with thinking up the most idiotic, goofy situations to plop Steve and Eddie into. I’m also a sucker for enemies-to-lovers dialogue and the possibilities are endless with these two. There’s so much potential chemistry and tension and canonically unexplored backstories which makes it so much fun to write!

What’s your favorite trope to READ?

I don’t think I have an all-time favourite! One of my favourites is friends-to-enemies-to-lovers because ohhh the layers…the betrayal…the yearning… I also love reading hidden identity fics, I eat them up so damn quick. And then the usual suspects: forced proximity, miscommunication, requited-unrequited, fake dating, only one bed. Honestly I could list so many that I love with my entire heart.

What’s your favorite trope to WRITE?

I’m not sure if Crack counts as a trope?? If so, then that for sure. The more absurd the better, in my book. I love taking the most ridiculous situation I can think of and trying to write it believably enough that readers could think, “huh, yeah, I can see this happening. This makes sense for these two.” Apart from that, I love writing miscommunication. It’s so much FUN, and as I’m typing it I’ll be shaking my head, clicking my tongue, muttering, “if only you guys just talked…” and then not allowing them to properly talk for another 10k words.

What’s your favorite Steddie fic?

This is such an impossible question, there’s no way I could pick just one out of so many absolute bangers 🤚 blipblot’s A Lick and a Promise is phenomenal and I’ll shout it from the rooftops (I’ll shout about literally all of their fics from the rooftops, they’re just so spectacular) I’m reading Big Talk by occasional_loverboy which is SO FUCKING GOOD. let’s exchange the experience by jamiethegardener is an absolute favourite. Vulture by GriefAbyss is currently and very actively consuming my thoughts. throw me one by Adure is one of the first Steddie fics I fell in love with right at the start and it’s one of my all-time favourites.

Is there a trope you’re excited to explore in a future work but haven’t yet?

Ohhhhh so many. I would love to write a secret identity fic and a fake dating fic, and I’ve got ideas bouncing around my head for both of those. They’ll get written eventually!! I also haven’t really written slow burn yet because I love instant gratification with ensuing angst and drama, but I would love to try my hand at it!

What is your writing process like?

Controversial, maybe! I can’t write any scene without having written the scene before, everything is written sequentially. I don’t plan or draft at all, so scenes just develop as I’m writing, which makes it impossible to jump ahead in the plot and write because the story changes every time I sit down to write more. It also means that if I get stuck on one particular scene, the entire fic grinds to a screeching halt until I figure a single line of dialogue out 🫠 So it’s slow going a lot of the time! I also don’t really edit apart from checking my spelling and grammar, so not much is left on the cutting room floor! Also, I only write while blasting pink noise through my headphones. I sometimes have music playing in the same room but the pink noise stays on the entire time. 

Do you have any writing quirks?

I’m not sure!!! Probably using way too many em dashes, which I say hesitantly for fear of people reading my shit and noticing my overuse 😬 I also recycle specific phrases all the time, which are usually ones that I use in my day-to-day as well. They just seem to snake their way into each and every fic.

Do you prefer posting when you’ve finished writing or on a schedule?

I’ve discovered that I really do need to have finished writing before starting to post, otherwise there’s a chance it won’t be updated for months as my focus jumps to other projects.

Which fic are you most proud of?

I’m really proud of set my wings on fire. It was my quickest turnaround time from idea conception to finished product, and it’s also the only fic I’ve written that’s just one scene. I also experimented more with structure and writing style with that one. It’s the most love I’ve ever put into a fic and the most fun I’ve had writing so it’s very special to me.

How did you get the idea for any solitary pleasure?

Ahhh, my stink kink fic. Not to put my friend on blast, but they were chatting with me about a guy they’d hooked up with who had a cologne collection totalling over $10,000. When I asked my friend if the guy smelled good, they replied that they didn’t really know, they prefer natural musk and sweat over fancy colognes. I heard that, immediately thought, “sounds like a certain someone…” and knew I had to thrust a scent kink upon Eddie.

When writing heartbeat (increasing heartbeat), what was something you didn’t expect?

I didn’t expect how difficult it would be to orchestrate a phone sex scene! I think dirty talk is one of my weaker areas in writing, so not being able to fall back on action descriptions when it came to Steve and Eddie’s interactions was hard. I’m a big fan of non-verbal communication and not having that as an option was definitely challenging.

What inspired I’m a lover, boy?

I don’t think there was any particular inspiration! The plot for I’m a lover, boy literally popped into my head fully formed one day, and I spent a bit of time just kicking it around before writing it all down.

What was your favorite part to write from lover, you can’t be wrong?

I love writing Steve & Robin scenes, and lover, you can’t be wrong is riddled with them. I’d never written anything from Steve’s POV before and exploring their friendship has been so lovely. Their conversations flow and I love that for both them and me.

How do/did you feel writing Are You Sending Out Your Love Signs??

Are You Sending Out Your Love Signs was the first Steddie fic I wrote, after having not written creatively for years. It was written after a solid few months of sleep-deprivation and stress and I don’t really remember much about how I felt while writing it! I think for a while I was very sure I was never going to post it, so I didn’t care about whether it was actually quality writing or not, which was freeing!! It was a good stepping stone to getting back into writing because it was a zero-pressure experience.

What was the most difficult part of writing Are You Sending Out Your Love Signs??

Probably literally just starting it!! I hadn’t written creatively since high school, and I hadn’t really been good at it then, so I was 100% convinced I wouldn’t be able to do it. Most of my experience is in writing research studies, so it was hard to push past that and embrace flowery, fun fiction writing.

Do you have a favorite scene and/or line from any of your fics?

In my most recent fic, call my bluff when I roll the dice, there’s a scene where Eddie accidentally humiliates Steve regarding the size of his dick, and I had SO much fun writing it. The entire fic was built around that scene that I’d had in my head for ages. I love writing emotionally-driven dialogue and also Very Silly dialogue, so that was such a fun one to write.

Do you have any upcoming projects or fics you’d like to share/promote?

I have a bunch of WIPs and even more ideas that haven’t been put on paper yet! I’ve got a long-form fic half written that I’m very excited about which I refuse to start posting until I’ve finished it, but it’s in the works! I’ve also got a third of a gloryhole fic written which I’m also keen to finish and post. Apart from them, I’ve got a bunch of crack ideas that I’m very sure will be posted in the near future!

Outside of these questions, Is there anything YOU would like to add?

I wanted to thank steddieunderdogfics for everything that you do 💖 big love to you guys!!!

Thank you to our author, @gayjinkies, and our nominator! See more of gayjinkies' works featured on our page throughout the day!

Writer’s Spotlight is every Wednesday! Want to nominate an author? You can nominate them here!

[randomreadingtimewithtsuki]

Fairy Tail request: Lucy's S/O surprising her by asking her to marry them at the end of their date.

Hello!

Thank you for requesting! This is my first FT request and i hope this is of your liking!

Please let me know what you think!

Tsuki's note: I did not watch nor read 100 years quest, but, lets assume this happens during the quest, for context sake.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

It's been a long time since you saw Lucy and whenever you see her is usually for a short time, given that she is currently on a quest. A really long one.

But that does not mean your dates are any less exciting !! you always do your best to arrange everything she enjoys: a new book, a delicious cake with tea and, of course, time to chat. Just the two of you.

The party should be returning to Fairy Tail to restock. So you planned out a simple, yet sweet date. You knew she would be very tired and the last thing you wanted to do was overwhelm her.

So you began preparing! You found some nice scented candles, that weren't too strong, a novel she has been wanting to read and some ingridients for a delicious home made meal.

While you were at it, you decided to tidy her place too. During this activity, you started to wonder if now was the time. You had been thinking about it for such a long time! You even knew what ring to buy her! But ... was she on the same page? it seemed like it....

On the day that they arrived it was a massive party, as usual. A lot to catch up, many papers to give to Master and lot to unpack, literally.

You decided that it would be best to have the date the next day. They all seems so tired and you wanted her attention on you, so it was fair she enjoyed the guild's company for now.

When you asked her to spend the next day with you she was thrilled!! She accepted promptly. Lucy always felt very blessed for having you around. Her house was tidy, you left a little note for her and the novel. Absolutely sweet.

When the next day rolled around, you pretty much changed plans. Since you have the whole day to yourselves, why not walk around the town in the morning?

For lunch, you allowed her to choose what she wanted to have, but you made her guess what was up for dinner. Lucy was very happy to have a homemade meal! and by you!!!

Alas, in the afternoon, Lucy seemed fairly tired. So you guided her back to her house. She was feeling so upset about cutting you date short.

You reassured her that she should just rest, insisting she took a nice candle lit bath while you went to fetch everything for dinner. Well... you didn't just fetch the food, no. You had decided to grab something in a jewelry store.

By the time you were back, she was still in the bathroom. To avoid invading her privacy, you called to her, announcing your arrival. She hummed in response.

Well, at least she didn't fall asleep in the bathtub right? You began to prepare the food. You started to sweat quite a bit - the heat of the oven and the anxiety were making it look like you just showered.

After a couple of minutes or so, Lucy finally came out of the bathroom and she was gorgeous. Beautiful black and white dress, hair tied up, just beautiful:

Lucy: Ta-da~! How do I look for our date?

You laughed to yourself:

Y/N: Gorgeous as ever!

She hummed again walking your way and inspecting what you were cooking. She wanted to help you finish but you did not allow it:

Y/N: C'mon princess, we can't have that dress stained, can we?

She puffed her cheeks.

Y/n: Besides, you just came home and i am almost done anyway.

You knew she wasn't going to just accept it that easily. To your surprise, she sat down on her bed and made a declaration:

Lucy: Then, listen to my new idea for my novel!

You giggled. Of course. As soon, as you were done cooking and dinner was served, the topic of the conversation changed. Lucy started listing everything she saw on her trip that reminded her of you.

She even gave you little gifts! Things she thought you would love - and she was not wrong!

You watched her with heart eyes as she chatted about the places. You couldn't help it anymore.

Y/N: Lucy?

Lucy: Uh? Oh sorry! I am talking too much? I-

Y/N: No, no. Quite the opposite.

Lucy looked confused at you. You felt your face heat up and you did not allow yourself to think much. Just acted, pulling a small black velvet from your pocket:

Y/N: Would you... would you share everything and more with me forever?

Lucy eyes shone so brightly and her face has a dark rue of red. It was a little silent as she covered her mouth. This silence that lasted a couple of seconds felt like months. But soon enough she shined more brightly than the sun itself:

Lucy: Yes! Yes... I... I will, if you are willing to have me...

You smiled so brightly at her as you stretched your hand to her. She gently placed her hand in yours and slid the ring on her finger. Lucy immediately lifted her hand to stare at the simple, yet beautiful ring.

It was a golden ring with a small crystal on it. Nothing too extravagant, yet it was elagant:

Lucy: How... This ring is so beautiful! Oh Y/N...

Y/N: Only the best for my princess!

Lucy: We should go find one for you!

She exclaimed as she grabbed your hand. She was so bright. So beautiful. You couldn't help but smile as brightly as her.

For the rest of the meal, you happily chatted about your future plans. To get a shared placed, to buy your ing the next day, to plan a date, the place, all of it!

You both ended falling asleep in each others arms while discussing all of this. The next day, you went ring shopping. You let Lucy pick for you, it was fair right? You picked hers.

She got you a ring similar to hers, golden with a simple gem. Just beautiful.

Well, for the rest of the day it was a mix of happiness and annoyance - the whole guild was happy and it was a massive cheer, but also had a lot of teasing. Such as when you will have a family, move in together, since when you were thinking of marrying and so on.

Alas, it was the happiest few days of you life and you sure prayed for more to come.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Thank you for reading!

[kaycynyrs]

Let's talk about Christopher Diaz in fanfic

I want to preface this by saying I'm pretty new to the fandom. I joined a few months or so before season 7 started dropping. So I'm probably not the best source for information when it comes to the show, but I definitely wanted to throw my hat into the ring. I'm aware that Chris is aging during the course of the show, and that he was much younger when he was first introduced, but it seems to me that a lot of fanfic writers and/or people in this fandom kinda struggle to realistically write and/or portray accurate representation of a preteen/early teenager as Chris is now.

I have absolutely no idea if maybe it's some kinda weird way of seemingly (kinda horribly) trying to portray disability, or maybe people in the 911 fandom just do not spend time around pre-teens, but as someone who does spend a lot of time with a pre-teen (specifically my 12 y/o brother) I definitely figured I could give some insight into this topic.

Now I do want to clarify before I begin, that in no way shape or form am I talking about the disabled portion of Chris' experience. I don't have the knowledge or firsthand experience or anything like that to even begin to try and be a voice on that topic, and if anyone else could give insight into that portion of Chris' experience, I welcome it gladly. Especially because it's an integral part of him and introduces some experiences that other pre-teens won't have to deal with which can change how Chris reacts/deals with situations.

What I can accurately talk about though is the things I've noticed in my brother as he goes through this phase of his life. I can also compare his experiences to what I remember from when I was his age, and I'm noticing he's going through certain things that I went through too. I know everyone is different, but hopefully this insight can help some people begin to understand Chris as he is now.

Now, on top of all the slow but noticeable bodily changes, these little sass masters are emotionally volatile. As in, the littlest things seem to be the end of the world. Especially if he's (my brother) is overtired. He tends to have tunnel vision, and he wants things to go his way. If it doesn't immediately go as planned, he tends to get very very frustrated. When that happens, he tends to blow up then go into his room until he's calmed down. After he's calm, then productive conversation can happen.

Kids Chris' age also tend to enjoy video games (like Roblox, or console games) more than they do coloring or legos or any physical toy. Not saying my brother has stopped playing with them all together, but it's definitely slowed down. If he were to play with legos, it'd more likely be a complicated lego set. Or complicated arts and crafts. His most recent projects being origami swords and origami paper dragons. Like, please don't forget that Chris is a good artist and is capable of drawing accurate human hearts.

I've also noticed that kids will go through a collecting phase. They'll collect anything and everything and it'll be the weirdest shit you could never predict. My brother when he was a bit younger literally stole every single sock in the house for his "sock collection" and stuffed an entire drawer full of them. Now he's moved on to collecting golf balls.

And, whether we like it or not, these kids are on the internet. My brother at least is very very influenced by online trends. Half the things he's interested in he saw on social media first. But that means that these kids have a rich meme culture. They have their own in jokes and concepts, same as we did growing up. And sure, some of the jokes are the same. I mean heck, my brother won't shut up with the "your mom" jokes, but they also have things like skibbidy toilet, chippi chippi choppa choppa, and other memes. (I have a list of current tween memes in my notes, but that can be a separate post if people truly want it)

Like it's such a missed funny opportunity! To have Chris reference current memes or current sayings like "gyot, what the sigma, and womp womp," and just having every single adult within the immediate vicinity be confused as fuck, and of course the kids won't explain, because why would they. It's funny to them that the adults are confused. Which also pairs with the amount of sass contained in their tiny orifices. Their come backs are insane and not to be trifled with. My brother has burned me so many times and so well that for all intents and purposes I should be a pile of ash on floor, honestly and truly.

Now, when it comes to romance, I have no idea when that changes. I think Chris is around 14 in the most recent season? And he's gone through a little heartbreaker phase, but currently, my brother at 12 is absolutely disgusted by romance. I myself am demisexual so I'm not a good reference for that, and can't really comment on when people start feeling attraction for others. But considering it's being portrayed in the show, I think it could be something to lean into as well.

All of this to say, Chris won't be this picture perfect baby all of the time. He'll get angry, frustrated, sad. Give people the silent treatment. He'll be weird and strange and say stupid shit. He'll also probably occasionally get confused over certain sayings he's never heard before. (E.g similes commonly used in writing) He'll try to get out of chores, and homework, and he'll whine and complain. His body is changing, he's probably experiencing growing pains, and he's probably starting to discover more adult things. But he'll also have his moments of insightfulness and humor. He's a little adult! And he should be allowed to be portrayed that way! Let Chris be a multidimensional character! It's what he deserves! And just to make it clear, this goes for every pre-teen on 911. I've just noticed the infantilisation of Chris a lot more than say Denny.

Please let me know your thoughts on this matter! I'd love to hear them! Have a wonderful day!

[aloekat]

giving pokemon teams to d20 characters!

The Bad Kids / Fantasy High!

pt 1/?

part 1 || part 2

hello chat and welcome to aloe shoves their hyperfixation onto everything they enjoy! making pokemon teams for fictional characters has always been a fun past time for me that i enjoy greatly so i wanted to apply that to dimension 20! i plan on doing every season once i’ve watched it, starting with all the intrepid hero seasons before moving on to side quest seasons

(also i finally decided to post these after @jadelion made posts sharing their team picks, so go check those posts out as there are some great choices! i also wouldnt be inspired to finally post these without him doing so first! i made my list completely independent of hers so if there's the same pokemon its purely coincidental lol)

first i want to talk about some guidelines i’ve given myself for this, which will apply to future posts as well:

only 4 pokemon per team - this keeps things more easy and makes them feel closer to mid-game trainers rather than fully stacked end-game ones. or feel like gym leaders maybe? it also helps with rule 2…

try to have no repeat pokemon - this just keeps things unique between seasons but sometimes a pokemon is a perfect fit for more than one person but for the most part everyone gets unqiue pokemon and there are almost no doubles

low to no legendaries on teams unless for a good reason - same goes for shinies but im more lenient on the shiny rule lol

i made a lot of these these like 3 months ago as of posting this - some choices may be outdated or the character has changed enough that a choice may not fit as well but i didnt want to change it lol (this is solely for the fantasy high kids tbh)

thats all for the rules! finally it’s time to get into the teams!

! SPOILERS AHEAD FOR THE CURRENT SEASON! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !

Kristen

Lycanroc - representing Tracker, again i made these before junior year so trackerbees was still a thing but i imagine it can count for cassandra also since it’s a night themed pokemon. don't know which form of lycanroc she would have though Solrock - she was given solrock during her time with Helio, and while i know sunflora exists i think solrock makes a little more sense, since she was a chosen of Helio she would be at an elevated status and therefor have a better pokemon if that makes sense? it also pairs with... Lunatone - representing her change to Cassandra, a goddess of night. there's like cool symbolism with her pokemon now wow isn't that so cool and awesome!! Unown ("?") - a question mark unown to represent Yes? (and the other Yes forms) along with her cool question mark staff! can also ALSO symbolize doubt with cassandra

Fig

Toxitricity (Low Key) - low key form gives the vibes of a bass and Fig plays the bass! toxitricity would help fig practice her instrument and come up with music. also literally called “the punk pokemon”

Obstagoon - similar reasoning, obstagoon has The Vibes that fit along with also being a sort of rock n roll pokemon

Moltres - representing Ayda, i imagine Ayda gifted it to her once they became girlfriends :)

Mimikyu - a pokemon known for its imitation of another pokemon, very much fits into Fig’s actor feat and her high deception and her not wanting to be her real self sometimes

Fabian

Dhelmise - big connection to his father and being a pirate, his father probably gifted it to him as his first pokemon

Marowak (Alolan) - fun idea i had for this is he originally just had a cubone with him during freshman year, but once he went to Fallinel and learned about the power of dance it evolved into an alolan marowak! it's a fire dance pokemon of course he would have it lol

Sirfetch'd - representing his mother and also his general fencing/fighter style that he works with

Tentacruel - just a cool ass water pokemon i feel he would have, also vaguely pirate-y with big kraken vibes

Riz

Pikachu - detective pikachu go brrrrr i imagine he would have gotten a pichu when very young, and it's evolved over time! it would wear a tiny detective hat as well because um i said so

Inteleon - super spy/gun pokemon also go brrrr, very much a reference to his father and just the general super spy-ness of Riz and Pok in junior year especially

Togekiss - ok this one feels very out of place and i forgot why it was here originally BUT i think it's to represent like a guardian angel sort of? again another reference to Pok because i love Pok and think he's very cool

Voltorb - he's the ball. this is a pokeball pokemon. are we starting to connect the dots

Adaine

Politoad - representing Boggy of course, nothing much else to say

Espeon - a very psychic pokemon representing her oracle powers, it would be fun to think that she had an eevee that simply evolved into an espeon once Adaine realized that she in fact was the elven oracle!

Delphox - another powerful psychic pokemon, again this is just vibes and it's a cool pokemon and adaine is a very cool character lol

Audino - these pokemon are known for being able to hear super well and know how their trainers are feeling from listening to their heartbeat. a gift given by Jawbone to help with Adaine's anxiety but still a good member of her team regardless

Gorgug

Archen - "i'm Cloaca, i suck!"

Gogoat - a grassy pokemon which can sorta represent the tree he lives in but also intended to represent Zelda in some ways (again i wrote these before junior year came out). it would help him carry around a lot of scraps for tinkering

Rotom - found in the village near the Nightmare King's forest, this rotom had gotten lost in the forest and, with no tech from solace nearby, couldn't find a way home. gorgug rescued it and lets it inhabit the Hangvan a lot

Rillaboom - another grassy pokemon but this one is also a drummer! can we take a wild guess as to why i picked this one. for it's drumming ability. because. because gorgug is a drummer.

=====

whew ok that's the first season done! i'll probably do unsleeping city next, which will be linked to this post once it's done!

have a better option that would fit a PC better? please tell me i would love to hear everyone's takes on this!

ok that's it that's the post everyone go home now (once again go look at @jadelion for their pokemon team picks!)

[thecarrionwitch]

So for you dark and baneful witches... As one of you, I have a question:

As someone on this field of the craft I'm sure I know my answer and the answers I'll receive but I guess I just need to hear what others think before I fully stick my hand into the situation.

So a 'sibiling' of mine has started living with us again after 6 months of leaving because he had a big freak out and broke a lot of things in my room. The room that I hadn't been able to stay in because of how bad my current disability was at the time.

Up until his blow up he had tried playing in my face, acting like he cared and like he was nice, even going to my hospital room a few times when I was in it.

I made this post before but I broke a handful of my gods and goddesses statues, drew on a hanging thing of mine, threw away some of my tossing bones and called me useless and a liar for the sexual abuse I went through by another 'sibiling'... Called me a liar when before everything he acted like he understood.

I know, realistically the gods and goddesses support this choice if I go with it which I'm sure I will because I hate the energy in the house these days. And it's a familiar energy, the type where you feel like you have to walk on eggshells or you'll get hurt.

To add to his case he's:

Fatphobic (calling me names and stuff knowing good and well my disability was the thing literally at fault for me not being able to work out or anything like that. Also being fatphobic to the brother that I do care about that lives here that is on the spectrum and chubby as well but works as hard as he can. He was fatphobic to him while also taking money from him which made it hard for the good sibling to have any money left over for himself.)

Verbally and mentally abusive (when he's in a really bad mood and we got into an altercation before he left six months ago where the police was called because of all the shouting and he didn't hit me but I definitely feel like he wanted to.)

Manipulative (in many fashions from playing nice to making sure he doesn't split poles with his 22 y/o gf. He's 33... Do I need to explain more?? Considering I'm 21 I find the relationship really weird and considering his baby momma is fat I find it also weird asf that he's fatphobic, especially when he was shaped like a bowling ball in his highschool years and I mean bigger than me or my good brother.

Possibly abusive to animals. (There was a time where my fear was so bad over him that he was scaring my dog with my motorized wheelchair. I was scared to say anything but I didn't like it..) I feel like he's never really liked the dog but that was the punching point.

Rape apologist - in total I have four siblings. The eldest is the one I have an issue with, him and the one younger than him who spent years physically, mentally and sexually abusing me. It took so many years for me to say ANYTHING and when he had his blow up on me he called me a liar even though I've talked about it and I'm covered in sh scars from the mental drainage.

And honestly this is just a small list of what he's done to me RECENTLY. within a year, less than a year.

I made a notes thing for doing some baneful magick to get him out of here and away from this house for good. I know I am but am I justified in doing magick against him? Would you??

I put that last answer there for giggles but yeah. Vote guys. Please and Thank you.

[solarbird]

What America – mostly White America and Latino men – voted for last night in handing power to the American fundamentalist movement’s authoritarian leaders, scoping out from the most personal to the most global:

a rapist

making me and mine illegal again as people (via overturning Lawrence v. Texas (2003) via a now-assured long-term MAGA Supreme Court supermajority; see also Trump’s Agenda 47)

making talking about me and mine illegal (via the fundamentalists’ revived plan of banning LGBT people by making us illegal to be seen or discussed in public; this is also how Russia made LGBT people illegal under Putin; see also Project 2025 under “pornography”)

making my marriage illegal again (via overturning Obergfell v. Hodges (2015) via a now-assured long-term MAGA Supreme Court supermajority)

making most forms of hormonal birth control unobtainable (via reviving the Comstock Act), and illegal (by banning travel for abortion); this will mostly be Vance’s hobbyhorse

a mass ethnic purge in the form of Trump’s promised mass expulsion of “illegals,” which includes a whole fleet of kinds of very legal immigrants and refugees (via Trump and the Alien Enemies Act, last used to put people of Japanese descent into concentration camps, repeated constantly throughout his campaign)

an economic dickpunch caused by Trump’s planned policies if implemented as promised (according to Elon Musk, who supports this implosion and sees it as a good thing, saying Americans will have to “embrace the pain”)

throwing yet another ally – Ukraine – to its enemies, the fascist Russian Empire (via a fleet of Trump’s promises), and possibly the exit of the US from NATO (via many Trump statements)

authoritarian misogyny and racism, arguably revised into a new kind of casteism not that it really matters (via basically everything he’s ever done or said)

persecution of the press and political opponents (via repeated statements and promises; here’s a list of some of his top-level targets)

“illiberal” democracy, in the form of a “republic” where there are still elections, but the ruling party always wins

over time, the same kind of economic irrelevance as Britain (via swinging back to fossil fuels en masse, thus clinging to an obsolete economic driver in the same way that Britain clung to coal)

over time, the return of several kinds of plague (via making vaccination difficult to impossible, via RFK, Jr.’s stated pre-election intent to go after vaccines and Trump’s promises to let him “go wild.”) [I must note that today, he’s claiming he won’t ban vaccines, just end vaccination requirements (though not using that exact word, that was the meaning). Even if true, though, you’re still talking plagues. He’s also going after fluoride, saying he’ll be “advising” water agencies and companies of their “liability.”]

over time, 5.4°F/3°C of global warming or so (via Trump’s promises to “frack frack frack drill drill drill” on Day 1 and his many promises against zero-carbon/renewable energy.) We had ’til 2030 to cut carbon emissions by half; Trump’s second term ends in January 2029, assuming he lives that long. It’s literally an existential threat to civilisation, and how bad it’s going to get in the next 10 years will depend upon whether the Atlantic Current shuts down. Because it fucking well might.

If you voted for Trump, then you voted for all this, and I don’t know you, and clearly, I never really have, and you’ve never known me either, or, apparently, wanted to. If you think of me in the future, no, you didn’t. We’re strangers to each other. Let us never meet.

Everybody else… I’ve seen this year coming my entire adult life. Longer, really. I even had the years right. I gave half my life to trying to change this outcome, and I scored a lot of wins – some rather surprising – along the way, and yet, here we are, at the end of the Third American Republic…

…and I have no idea at all what to do now.

[greg-montgomery]

Hi my love <33

So as you know (bc I don’t shut up lmfao) I am currently going through a wild time that’s making me super emotional breaking down at everything! So I come to make a humble request 🫶💓

Can I get thoughts/blurb/hcs/etc, really anything lmfao, for how Greg and Aaron would be supportive of big life changes? The way they’d be comforting while still being logical and grounding😭😭

No worries if not of COURSE! Love you always

MY SWEET!!!! 🫶🏻 it’s all going to be okay, i’m right here for you and so are our favorite men 🤭

let’s start with aaron <333

aaron is the wise Old Man™️ because he’s older and he can give you advice from life experiences! so one of the things he does a lot is talk to you about the big changes of his life. remember when he gave up being a prosecutor because he wanted to join the bau to prevent the crimes form happening? that was a big decision for him to make but he knew that was what he wanted. and now he knows he wouldn’t change that decision for the world bc the bau is his life <3 so he comforts you with the fact that big changes are for good and that was what happened to him 🥰 he just knows more and he has this thing where when he says something you believe him. if aaron hotchner tells you you’ll be alright and you have nothing to worry about, you believe him!

if you get overwhelmed he just gets you in his lap or his arms and asks you questions to find the root of what is bothering you. it kinda helps to break down your problems into smaller ones. and as you do, together you figure out possible solutions. which takes a huuuge weight off your shoulders!

he also lets you get as emotional as you want without any judgement!! he knows how scary it can feel growing up! but he will make sure you have a shoulder to cry on! someone to hold you all night long <3 and of course he reminds you that no matter what life changes you’re going through he’s the one thing that will never ever change cause he’ll love you forever 🥹

now for greg <333

greg is the organized type. you know he loves his lists 🤭 and ofc he’ll make so many lists with you. what’s stressing you out? he definitely has a list for that. problems with solutions! he won’t let one of your worries unanswered. you’ll be like “i’m worried about…said problem” and he’ll be like “no worries, let’s look at the list and see what possible solutions we have for that 🥰”

greg is also a ray of sunshine!! which means he will somehow make you feel excited about your new beginning!! bc look at all these new opportunities!! new places for dates!! new people to meet and become friends with!! he’s just sooo excited for your new life together so you can’t help but get excited too!!!!

when it comes to missing your favorite people, he’ll create routines with you so you don’t feel their absence as intensely. maybe he’ll plan for specific days and times to call your friends or facetime your parents! plan your next trip back home! maybe he’ll help you make a journal that you’ll fill with your new life experiences and moments so you can share it with your favorite people so they won’t miss out on anything!! anything to make you feel less homesick 🥹

they both love you sooooo so much and they’re proud of you!! they couldn’t be happier to see you grow and change and make new beginnings! and they’re literally right there by your side so you know you’ll be alright!!

and a little thing from me <3 there’s this quote about change from an old tv show i used to watch that always helps me 🤍 “i don’t know if things will get better if they change, but in order for things to get better they have to change”

[kysoncat]

ES Journeys Main Cast: Crystal the Vaporeon

Hello again everyone. I'm back again to talk about another one of the main cast of ES Journeys which for this post will be about Crystal.

Remember that the main thing you should know about my version of the cast is that they are supposed to be as closely accurate to how they were in the comic in terms of personality and backstory as possible while also changing things to improve them by adding, removing, or expanding things about them.

Now without further ado, here's Journeys Crystal.

(Note: Not everything is fully fleshed out. These are just the main ideas I have and am currently trying to flesh out)

Crystal Ah so now we're on Crystal the Vaporeon. She's known for many things like breaking the 4th wall, her dynamic with Silvia and Lazuli, shipped with Trace or Silvia (They're both fine, I'm fine with either), being the middle child in her family who has absolutely nothing to do with the Beserker Virus or the timeline junk, and just having literally nothing or doing anything to make her important.

Now I wanna go back to the last thing I listed for her as that bothered me and this doesn't just apply to her since others also barely did anything. As one of the 9 main characters in the comic you'd think she'd be relevant in someway seeing as she's 1) One of the main characters and 2) The sister to Speed and Flare who both have such significant roles because they're tied to the complex BS lores but guess what? She got nothing and is nothing more than comedic relief and a background character. I plan on changing that for ES Journeys.

Personality Crystal in ES Journeys has basically the same personality as her comic self. She's jolly, optimistic, and likes to be playful and pull pranks that are usually harmless but would get her and the team into trouble.

Crystal is considered to be the heart of the Eeveelution Squad team as she's the one who keeps everyone together with her positive attitude. Whenever the team is feeling down she's the one who cheers everyone up by either making them laugh or giving them encouragement. When the Eeveelution Squad began adding new members to the team she's always the one to help them feel welcomed and settled into the team.

While Crystal is usually happy being on the team, there are times where she gets questions her placement on it as she feels she's either holding the team back or isn't as special as the others, specifically Speed and Flare.

Crystal is sensitive when it comes to the topic of evolution due to her causing her younger brother, Flare to evolve into a Flareon by accident.

When it comes to doing battling and Contest, Crystal at first didn't take them seriously but after some time she started to get serious for different reasons for both sports (Which'll be explained later in the post). Crystal likes both sports a lot but likes Contest just a bit more.

Crystal likes to dance and draw.

Moves, Ability, and Battle Style Obviously Crystal in this AU is stronger than her comic self since this one actually fights while the other never did. As a Vaporeon she's a really good swimmer so she has an advantage if the arena is a body of water.

Crystal has a pretty generic battle style and she does some light taunting while in battle. While Speed focuses on strategy when it comes to battling, Crystal is all about unpredictability. The way she fights is she thinks outside of the box on how she can use her abilities in a way where her opponents or even her teammates don't understand what she's trying to do. Crystal sometimes implements dancing into her battles as a way to constantly keep moving around and dodge attacks or pull off the Countershield technique (Look it up, it's from the anime). Out of all the members of the Eeveelution Squad team, Crystal likes to Dynamax the most.

Crystal has a wide array of Water-Type moves as well as other Type moves. Her movelist and when they're learned: -Water Gun (TB) -Acid Armor (TB) -Tackle (TB) -Tail Whip (TB) -Body Slam (TB) -Bubble Beam (OI) -Hydro Pump (OI) -Whirlpool (GS) -Aqua Tail (RS) -Aqua Jet (DP) -Aurora Beam (DP) -Attract (XY) -Rain Dance (MJ) -Hydro Vortex (SM; Z-Move) -Acid Downpour (SM; Z-Move) -Max Strike (SWSH; Dynamax) -Max Geyser (SWSH; Dynamax) -Max Hailstorm (SWSH; Dynamax) -Max Ooze (SWSH; Dynamax)

Unlike her brothers, Speed and Flare who have their special Coastal abilities, Crystal sadly doesn't have one and has one of the two Vaporeon species abilities, Water Absorb. When Crystal has her body absorb the water around her she replenishes her energy so that she can keep fighting and using moves. Crystal can't use water that she's used for her moves to replenish her energy.

Crystal's Backstory Crystal hatched on February 15, 2000 and she hatched an hour after Speed did. She was brought into Sunny Town and lived in an orphanage with him and her unborn sibling. While she lived in the orphanage she played with the other kids and got along with everyone well while also getting herself into trouble with the mother occasionally. When Crystal reached the age of 3, the age of being able to attend school she wanted to go but Speed was against it so she got homeschooled which made her upset but she got over it.

Years go by as she grew up in the orphanage. During those years, Crystal has rarely left the orphanage due to Speed not wanting her or Flare going out because of Shade being around. Whenever Speed came back to the orphanage injured and was questioned about them he would assure everyone that it was nothing to worry about but Crystal would pester him about it as she thought he was hiding something but never got the truth out of him. One day, Flare had a sugar rush after eating too much chocolate and overwhelmed Speed and Crystal with his hyperness and ever since then, Crystal gets scared whenever she sees Flare eat chocolate. At some point she meets Trace when he came over to the orphanage and he instantly had a crush on her. She rarely saw him after that due to him meeting with Speed outside of the orphanage and when he is at the orphanage he drags him away from her.

In 2010, Speed tells her and Flare that their parents were dead after Trace told him which saddened them. A few months later she along with Speed and Flare watched a battle from the Indigo Plateau Conference on TV and when the mother explained what a competitive battling team is and does, Crystal thought it sounded cool and wanted to do it to which later when the three were in their room Speed said they'll do it when they're all old enough to be a team which gets her excited while Flare was hesitant but she manages to pressure him to come along.

In 2011, one day Speed and Crystal were in their room with the now Jolteon getting ready to leave and head over to Professor Robert's lab. Before he left he told Crystal not to open a small box that contains Evolution Stones that he's been collecting for Professor Robert. As soon as he left the orphanage she opened the box to see all the Evolution Stones and touched the Water Stone that was in it since she always wanted to become a Vaporeon after learning about her evolved forms while homeschooled. After evolving she thought of pranking Flare by scaring him that she's gonna make him evolve into a Flareon so she grabbed the Fire Stone in the box and left the room to find him. When Crystal found Flare outside the orphanage, she threatened to evolve him to which he started running away in fear and Crystal gave chase. After chasing him around the orphanage for a bit she found him hiding in a closet with cleaning items and he begged for her not to evolve to which she tells him it was just a prank. She tried to help him out of the closet but trips over an item and falls on him with the Fire Stone landing on him and making him evolve into a Flareon. Crystal realizing what she has done asked if he was alright but saw that his eyes were glowing red and he looked mad as she gets blasted out of the closet from a powerful Ember. Once Flare stepped out of the closet, Crystal began to run while he chased her. During the chase, Flare parts of the orphanage on fire and soon Crystal was cornered but Speed arrived and tried to calm to him down but he didn't listen and used Ember on the both of them, blasting them through the wall and have them lying outside of the building. Before Flare could use another attack on her and Speed he faints from using up his energy.

After Flare woke up and was released from being tied up, Speed grounded Crystal for a week and Flare didn't talk to her at all and wouldn't do so for a week as well. During the week, Crystal snuck out to follow Speed to Professor Robert's lab because she wanted to asked the professor if there was a way to devolve a Pokemon to which the professor tells her it's not possible right now but maybe sometime in the future. A week later and Flare still hasn't said a word to her which causes her to cry as she tearfully apologizes to Flare for what she's done and is thankfully forgiven by him.

On May 30, she along with Speed and Flare went out for a walk through the forest around Sunny Town and during it they found a rundown house. Crystal is the one who went in to check it out and was also the one to find an egg in it The egg would hatch and an Eevee who they would name, Sunshine later would come from it to which the three took her back to the orphanage and the mother let her stay with them in their room. They wondered why her egg was all alone in the abandoned house and when Speed learns from Trace that two Eeveelutions were killed around the area of the house that the egg was in and tells her and Flare about it, they decided not to say anything about it to her for now but know they'll have to eventually.

In 2014 sometimes after Flare turned 13, Speed filled out the paperwork to create their competitive battling team. When Speed needed to fill out their team's name, after throwing around some name ideas, Crystal came up with the team name "Eeveelution Squad" which both Speed and Flare liked. She also provided a drawing of their team logo. After submitting the paperwork the three siblings would talk about how exciting and nervous it was gonna be for them to go out traveling and as they talked about this Sunshine overheard them. Sunshine asked them about what they were talking about and Speed tells her they'll be going away for a long time soon which in response she asks if she can come with them and while he was against it at first he hesitantly lets her tag along after being convinced by Crystal. A few days later a letter came for the three siblings and when they opened it a form was in it that approved the creation of their team and that they're officially one now. They decided to wait till April to begin their journey.

On April 1, 2014, Speed, Crystal, and Flare begin their journey as a competitive battling team.

Crystal's Journey In The Beginning, Crystal loses most of her battles due to not taking it seriously. Even though Crystal met Trace before they began their journey, she never has once said his actual name. When she learned Trace is the son of Professor Robert she kept calling him the "son of a professor" or something similar and as she continued doing that, Trace got more and more annoyed as he doesn't like being called those things and being connected to his dad. Eventually he blows up on her and apologizing shortly after as he then explains why he doesn't like being talked about regarding his dad (I'll explain in a post about Trace, maybe). She apologizes and she eventually begins to call him by his name.

In Adventures in the Orange islands, Crystal looks back on her performance during the Indigo League and realizes she barely did anything to help as it was Speed who mostly battled and even Flare got a win. She questions her place on the team and asks her brothers if she's holding them back to which they assure her she's not. Crystal learns to take battling seriously so that she helps carry the team instead of just being dead weight.

In Gold and Silver, Crystal was the one who brings up the subject of adding someone new to the team. When Speed tells Pearl about the thing involving their mom, Crystal gets suspicious because she could tell that he was hiding something from her and tries to get him to spit out to her and Flare.

In Ruby and Sapphire, Crystal was the one who was most interested in doing Contest however when she did her first ever one she failed badly. Despite the failure she was determined to get better at it. She would get her own set of Contest rivals while being the leader of the Eeveelution Squad Contest team. Unlike Speed who tries to be a leader and have the team do things his way, Crystal is more open as a leader as she trusts the others with their abilities and comes up with ways they can use their abilities in the best way possible for Contest. Also Speed would learn from her about being a leader.

In Diamond and Pearl, when Leaf and Lazuli join the team she develops a bond with them. With Leaf, she and her would get along well as she influenced Leaf a little with her playful personality much to Lazuli's dismay. With Lazuli, Speed told Crystal to go help her feel comfortable while on the team to which the two would form a bond and become best friends with Crystal learning Aurora Beam as a sign of their friendship. As for Black, she helps him not take everything so seriously and try to make him relax and have fun. She would drag him to do things with the rest of the team and help him smile a bit.

In Black & White, Crystal was the reason why Flare developed a crush on Leaf as she teased him about liking her which planted the idea into his head. With the team's burst in popularity, Crystal let that get to her head for a bit but eventually gets overwhelmed by it and humbles herself.

In Battle Frontier, Crystal has the team return to doing Contest and with the return of Contest rivals from both Hoenn and Sinnoh she is more determined than ever to win this year's Contest Grand Festival.

In XY, Crystal along with the rest of the team offer their hand to Silvia to help her with doing the Pokemon Showcase sport since they have some experience due to the sport despite being different from Contest has some similarities to it. When Speed learns about his Turbo ability and tries to master it as well as Flare trying to master his Blaze ability, Crystal feels insecure as she feels she's not as special or strong like her brothers again but this time it was because she didn't have a Coastal ability. When she expresses this feeling to the team, Speed and Flare assure her she's strong in her own way and she doesn't need a special ability like them as they remind her of her accomplishments that she's made without having a Coastal ability.

In Sun & Moon, Crystal learns to appreciate life as well as the Pokemon around her which is her team who she starts to see as family. She also gets to meet her dad and uncle thanks to Tapu Fini and gets closure with them. Before the Alola journey, Crystal along with Speed and Flare realized that Mollie is their mom after spending time with her during vacation and after seeing their DNA samples matched, they tell her that they're her children and the family is reunited.

In Sword & Shield, Crystal is the one who is the most experienced with Dynamax out of all the members of the Eeveelution Squad. Whenever the Eeveelution Squad battles she is eager to Dynamax and everyone lets her do it unless the team is losing or at a disadvantage and needs someone else on the team to do it which while upset about not being able to Dynamax she understands. Crystal has a rivalry with Klara.

In Master Journeys, when Speed tells the team that they're gonna split up for a few months to train on their own, Crystal is one of the members who was against this but eventually gets convinced that it's for the best of the team if they wish to get through the Ultra Class in the World Championship Series.

And that's Journeys Crystal. What do you think of her? Leave your thoughts for me to read. Next post will be on Journeys Flare's and his post will happen soon. Until then, bye!

[dearfuturehusbandblog]

ZMAN CHEIRUSEINU aka "I'M the terrible communicator!?!?!?!!"

Dear Future Husband,

I hope nobody ever quizzes me on this blog because there are so many things that I've started and stopped writing that never got posted that I literally never remember what I've actually put here...

Not that that's really fully relevant to what I was thinking about writing now, but I currently have two unfinished posts in my drafts folder (amidst 25 others that will probably never get posted) that are just a recap of this year so far.

Because I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare.

Explaining what's going on right now is kind of problematic because I haven't provided the lengthy backstory yet (which is one of the drafts I have yet to finish...)

Suffice to say, MotherLivelyHeart is being a nightmare to me again.

I think I've shared before that MLH and I share a vehicle? If not... yeah, we share a car. I'll have to look through my posts to see if I've explained that situation before, because that's one more thing to check off the "my life absolutely f*ing sucks" list.

Usually this isn't the worst thing in the world because we operate on different schedules and there isn't much crossover when it comes to who needs the car when, and when there is I usually drop her off somewhere, do what I need to do, and pick her up after.

For the record, I HATE when she offers the opposite because I have a history of being abandoned in places waiting for her to pick me up and it gives me such severe anxiety.

So last week on Sunday I asked MLH what her plans were for the next day. I asked this because I overheard a phone call she received on Friday from the dentist's office about an appointment she had on Monday at noon that she hadn't told me anything about and I knew if I was going to ever find out she was going to take the car, I would have to be the one to ask her. So I asked. And wouldn't you believe it, she had a dentist appointment on Monday at noon! Shocker.

Now, I'd been out of work since the beginning of January (again, details will hopefully be in another post) so I had a lot to take care of at work last Monday and I told her that.

We agreed she would have the car for her appointment and I would take the car to work when she got home.

Come Monday afternoon, suddenly everything has changed.

You see, her boss called in sick and she had the day off because she has a specific job that requires her to work alongside her boss and if he doesn't work, she doesn't work.

So she had the day off. Joy.

Of course, did she tell this to me directly? No.

Did she message me this information? No.

I'm just supposed to approach her and ask, "hey, did your boss call in sick and give you the day off?" I guess.

So she went to her appointment and ran some errands and called me while she was still out. Apparently some specific water bottles she can only get in like two places were available at one store about 20 minutes away from our house and she placed a pickup order so she could get them before they were sold out. The order had to be picked up between like 2:30-3:30pm and she called me at around 1:30.

Great.

She picked a pickup time that was directly during the time I was supposed to be at work.

Which she knew.

Because I told her this literally the day before.

So I told her fine. She should do the pickup order and when she got back I would take the car to work.

"Well, I also wanted to go swimming."

*Deep breath* Ok, what time is swimming?

"From 2-9pm."

At this point I didn't know how long I'd be at work because one of the things I had to take care of could be like 4-6 hours and I didn't know if there would be enough time when I was done to get home and let her get to the pool with enough time to swim before they closed.

"Ok, well why don't you go swimming, do the pickup order, and then I'll take the car to work?"

"Well, I want to come home and eat something first."

Ok. So now, what was supposed to be my time to take the car is going to be "stolen" by her coming home (15 minutes), eating something (15 minutes), going to swim (40 minutes), getting the pickup order (30 minutes), and coming back home (20 minutes).

This is TWO HOURS off of my time.

WHICH I HAD TOLD HER I NEEDED LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE.

So she came home, ate something, and changed into her bathing suit. She left around 2pm for the pool.

I assumed at this point I'd hear from her around 3:30pm that she was around the corner.

But 3:30 came and went.

4:00pm came and went.

4:30pm came and went.

5:00pm came and BigSis messaged that she would be done at work in an hour and could either of us give her a ride home?

MOTHERF@*$%^#$ER

So it's been three hours without an update from MLH, but then she responds "I should be on my way back from the pickup order then."

EXCUSE ME!?!?!?!

She left for the pool at 2pm. THREE HOURS have gone by and she hasn't even gotten the pickup order that was supposed to be picked up between 2:30-3:30pm!?!?!?!!?!?

But she tells me that I'M a terrible communicator.

I was supposed to get the car by 1:30pm latest. It was now after 5pm and I STILL hadn't gotten to work yet.

As much as I hate when she offers to drop me off at work so she can take care of things that will take a few hours, SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME THAT. She made it seem like I would have the car all afternoon to take care of what I needed to at work. And when her plans shifted, she made it seem like I'd have the car by 3:30pm latest.

And let me remind you THAT I TOLD HER THE DAY BEFORE WHAT MY SCHEDULE WAS SO THAT THIS S*** WOULDN'T HAPPEN.

But I'M the terrible communicator.

At that point I was so frickin annoyed already. MLH messaged me "should I get her or just come home" and I was so peeved I said "just get her because if you come home and I take the car I'm not picking her up."

She didn't respond to that message.

Great.

No thumbs up. No "ok." Just nothing.

Then at 6:12pm I get a message from her "car's downstairs in front."

So no message from BigSis that MLH had picked her up and they were heading home. No "we're around the corner." No nothing except over an hour later "take it."

BUT I'M THE TERRIBLE COMMUNICATOR!?

At that point it was too late for me to do some of the things I needed to take care of for work because, again, I was supposed to have been there FIVE HOURS EARLIER. And a friend messaged and asked if I could go with her to Costco, so I said to hell with it and I went to Costco with her.

While I was at Costco I messaged both MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis about what I was getting so we were all on the same page. Included in that message was eggs because, well, I was getting eggs.

I got home at like 10pm and MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis were already asleep. I made a couple of mini salami kugels with some spinach that oddly floated to the top, waited for them to cool, tried 1/4 of one before sticking them in the fridge.

Next morning I open the fridge and there's a new carton of 1.5 dozen eggs. Because apparently MLH went to the supermarket early in the morning and got eggs because "we were out."

DESPITE ME LITERALLY MESSAGING THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT I WAS BUYING EGGS AT COSTCO.

Oh, but it gets better. Because the salami kugel I had tasted the night before was missing.

BigSis was working from home so I asked her about it and she said she had no clue.

So I asked MotherLivelyHeart about it, thinking maybe it slipped out of the fridge, smashed, and she threw it out.

But no.

Guess who ate it.

Yep, the woman who has been suffering from gout and avoiding meat for the better part of a year.

The woman who saw it in the fridge and said to herself "oh, that's one of the broccoli kugels LivelyHeart made for herself for Shabbos that she said wasn't good. I guess I'll eat that for breakfast without asking her if she really doesn't want it because although she's on a weird diet right now, there's no way she's made a meal plan for herself that includes this food item she made for herself."

Because, did she message me to ask if she could have it?

Nope.

Did she knock on my door to ask if she could have it?

Nope.

Halfway through eating it she realized it was salami.

And she still finished the whole thing.

And still at NO POINT did she message me AT ALL to even tell me that she ate it.

I had to find out by inquiring OF HER.

BUT. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR!?!?!?!

I shouldn't be mad.

It's just food, after all, right?

Except that it's not.

It's a frickin pattern of carelessness and disregard for me as a person.

And I'm so frickin sick of it.

I'm so damn tired.

It wouldn't have killed her to ask.

It wouldn't have killed her to apologize.

And what I haven't really explained here (because again, that's in a draft post) is that I've been on an elimination diet since January 1st which has cut most things from my available food selections.

But is she on an elimination diet?

Nope.

So we have a HOUSEFUL, a PANTRYFUL, and a FRIDGEFUL of food she can eat.

And she chooses the ONE thing I made FOR ME.

Which she KNEW I made for ME.

Instead of the MYRIAD OF THINGS that she can eat that I can't.

Which means that she's not only taken a meal from me, but now I'm at a food deficit from the fridge while she lives in abundance.

BUT. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR.

So let's leap forward to today.

Today was Shabbos mevorchim. Pesach is in two weeks.

And MotherLivelyHeart decided we are going to change over the kitchen two weeks ahead this year.

So she scheduled her cleaning lady to come tomorrow (Sunday) to help clean the kitchen so it can be turned over.

Did she take into account that this would be motzei Shabbos and that we'd have to make Shabbos and that would involve dirty dishes and use of the stove/oven and pots and pans?

Yeah, no.

Did she take into account that the way she wants to clean the oven requires the oven to be self-cleaned before and after which takes a good several hours and creates so much smoke that we'd have to keep the windows open and also it's like 40F right now and she also wanted to go to sleep early because the cleaning lady is coming at like 8am?

Yeah, no.

BigSis went over the oven cleaning thing with her and she exclaimed "are you kidding me?! Then why am I having the cleaning lady come tomorrow?!"

BECAUSE YOU SCHEDULED HER WITHOUT CONSULTING US.

BECAUSE THERE WAS NO COMMUNICATION.

DO YOU SEE A FRICKIN THEME HERE!?!?!!?

Oh, but there's more. Because there's always more.

Thursday was another nightmare day for various reasons. One of which was that I ran errands with MotherLivelyHeart.

She scheduled an appointment for smackdab in the middle of the time I told her I'd be working.

YES. AGAIN.

And she wanted to drop me off at work and pick me up when I was done.

Well absofrickinlutelynot, thankyouverymuch.

I was supposed to work until 6pm.

I had told customers I would be available until 6pm.

Her appointment was scheduled for 6pm.

So of course "I need the car at 5:30pm."

She wanted to drive me to work earlier so that she could take the car at 5:30pm to her appointment that wouldn't be done until 7pm and then come get me an hour and a half after I was done working.

But I was supposed to trust that she wouldn't run errands or dilly dally around and that she'd actually get me at 7:30pm, which we know is never the case.

So I told her no, I'd be taking the car to work. But I would notify the customers I'd only be there until 5:30pm, at which point I'd get her and drive her to her appointment. Then while she was in her appointment I could do the Shabbos shopping, since it seemed pointless to have to wait for her to come home again before I could go out and shop.

For various reasons, we had three stores we needed to go to, one of which was about 20 minutes in the opposite direction of where her appointment was. I figured I could go there first, then on my way back to get her I could run by the other two stores, get her and then we'd go straight home.

But no.

Because it was raining and people apparently don't know how to drive in the rain. So despite me taking the highway, which should have cut like 10 minutes out of the ride each way, it took me about 30 minutes to get to that first store, which I was in for maybe 10 minutes, and as I was checking out MLH messaged "my appointment is almost over, where are you at?"

So all I had time for was turning around and going straight to get her.

Which, fine, whatever.

One of the stores we went to literally just for chicken.

And it was chicken for her because she wanted a specific type of breaded chicken for Shabbos.

So I figured I'd run into the store and grab it while she stayed in the car.

But no.

Because while I was unbuckling, she was unbuckling. Because she decided to come in.

So she went to look at side salads and I went to the chicken section where I waited but she never showed up.

Then I get a message from her.

"Where are you?"

Excuse me???? WHERE ARE YOU, WOMAN???

I told her I was at the chicken section waiting for her and she said "I already checked out. I'm going back to the car."

WE LITERALLY WENT TO THIS STORE TO BUY HER CHICKEN.

SHE CAME IN WITH ME.

PRESUMABLY TO BUY HER CHICKEN.

But she's checked out already!? WITH WHAT!?

Oh. Apparently something to eat. Because she's hangry.

Which she, OF COURSE, DID NOT TELL ME.

Fine. Whatever.

So I bought her frickin chicken.

And then on the way home she got mad at me about three driving-related things that were out of my control (like the car started making a weird noise that might be the muffler, and there was a huge pothole I couldn't avoid, and I was coming to a stop at an intersection when some lady rounded the corner quickly and we barely missed colliding...) which resulted in her yelling at me that she hates the way I'm driving.

So, yeah, that was a fun ride home.

*EYEROLL*

Anyway, on the way to her appointment she said "we never worked out a Shabbos menu."

I told her the same thing I've told her almost every week over the last three months: I'm eating differently from you guys, so you just tell me what you want and I'll grab it from the store, because I already have set aside what I'm going to eat.

And she tells me "my boss has off tomorrow, so I can cook."

Which is perfectly fine in my eyes because I'm still recovering from an injury (again, that's one of the drafted posts...) and I also had a horrendous cold for the previous two weeks so I'm still trying to get back to baseline. Any pressure off me is appreciated.

We basically worked out that for shabbos we'd do a big soup for Friday night (which I would make), then she wanted chicken (obvs) and I had bought green beans at Costco I told her she could have, and then Shabbos lunch would be fish and salady stuff.

Well, Friday rolls around.

The day already sucked because I tried adding some vegetables back into my diet during the week that are apparently problematic for my digestion. Fun.

But then MotherLivelyHeart decides to stick to her arbitrary Pesach cleaning schedule which says to clean the milchig dishes she's had piling up all week. So of course she decides to do this at like noon and doesn't finish the job and there are still milchig dishes in the sink at 3pm when I need to go in and make the soup.

Add onto that, one of my "chores" is the pareve dishes, some of which have been piling up too and also need to be done, which she feels the need to remind me of, despite her milchig dishes still filling the sink.

So I go in around 3pm and just start cooking, using the small bit of counter space that's available to me.

She decides that's the perfect time to finish the milchig dishes.

FINE. WHATEVER.

She gets them out of the way and reminds me YET AGAIN about the pareve dishes.

FINEWHATEVER.

So around 4pm I'm back in the kitchen, doing the pareve dishes, of which I only got about half done because it was causing pain and I still had to cook.

So I pivoted and did the soup.

But nothing else had been cooked yet.

So I made the green beans.

And I had to separate the soups so I could add things to theirs that I can't eat.

At this point I'm still annoyed from her the day before, my insides are so unhappy with the newly tested foods, I'm in pain from the injury, and I'm trying to cook for Shabbos.

Around 6pm I asked BigSis if she could help with the chicken. She was like "I STILL HAVE TO SHOWER!!!" As though she didn't have all day for that and somehow me needing help is my fault. She said "if you had asked me like three hours ago I could have done it."

Except that three hours ago, the milchig dishes were still filling up the sink, so.... what exactly do you expect from me!?

Sometime a little earlier when MotherLivelyHeart had been in the kitchen it was clear I wasn't doing so well and she asked what was wrong and I described the pain and she was like "I'm sorry" and then disappeared.

So then she gets a "20 minutes to candle lighting" alarm on her phone, and she's been trying to light early in zchus of the hostages and chayalim, so she calls out "20 minutes to licht benchen." Which I responded to but she didn't hear, obviously, because she yelled again "LivelyHeart, did you hear me!?"

To which I responded an annoyed "YES!!" and she was like "you don't have to talk to me that way! I clearly didn't hear you. And BigSis and I can make Shabbos on our own, you know."

Which, MYGODWOMAN. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO.

My responsibility based on our conversation was the soup.

ZE HU.

SHE was supposed to do the chicken and the green beans and whatever else they wanted.

So now she's annoyed at me because I'm annoyed at her for not doing the thing she was supposed to do, but I'M the one in the wrong.

FINE. Whatever.

In the end I didn't do the chicken.

I literally didn't have the strength for it, let alone the energy.

Not that it was really missed at the meal, but she was a bit annoyed and gave me that same "BigSis and I can cook for Shabbos on our own, you know." To which I responded "You said you were going to cook." I literally don't even remember what her response was.

Well, fast forward through Shabbos to tonight because I asked her if she wanted the chicken for melava malka or if we should stick it in the freezer for a week since it's KFP.

She wanted it for melava malka.

Which, fine, whatever.

I told her if she could bread it, I would cook it.

She got gloves, she got bowls, she got the chicken, and she got eggs.

She did not get the other ingredients she needed for the breading. Or a plate to put it on. Or a fork.

She sat down at the table and then asked me to get the other ingredients.

Which, fine. Whatever.

I got an interesting piece of mail that I'll discuss in another post when I know more what's going on with it, but it basically called my attention to research something. So I was on my computer off to the side while she was breading the chicken.

The next thing I know, she's frying the chicken.

I went into the kitchen and asked her why she was frying it when I told her I would do it for her since cooking usually exhausts her, and she got all frustrated and exasperated at me and said something like "I DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT TO WAIT FOR YOU."

And I was like, "what are you talking about!? I was waiting for you to finish breading it! you didn't tell me you were done!"

Which just pissed her off more.

BECAUSE. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR.

But this is the time of year we celebrate freedom, right?

This is the time of year we thank Hashem for rescuing us from a horrible situation.

Well, where's mine?

We're supposed to celebrate every year as though WE ALL left Mitzrayim.

As though we were ALL saved.

But I am not saved.

I have never been saved.

The stupidity I've just described above is just a piece of the insane patterning of my entire life.

I have no escape from this nonsense.

And I'm just so done with all of it.

I want it all to be over.

I want it all to go away.

Where's my freedom?

Where's my salvation?

I really have to finish those other two drafts, because this isn't even the clearest picture of what I've been dealing with since 2024 started. It's barely April and I just want this secular year to be over.

There are a couple of people who have suggested guys to me over the last several months and, although they're not really what I'm looking for, right now I just don't have the emotional energy for a new relationship. I'm just so burned out from this one that I deal with every frickin day of my stupid life, which of course I can't even tell these people.

So... dear future husband, I hope you can hang in there, because I don't know when I'll be ready for you.

But maybe by then I'll be a good communicator.

-LivelyHeart

And now for the story after the story:

So, after that disaster of a drive back from the store on Thursday night, we got home around 8:30pm and although she got something small to eat from that second supermarket I knew that MotherLivelyHeart hadn't eaten anything since lunch so when I made dinner for myself I made a second bowl for her. I brought it to her and she said "oh... you didn't have to do that." Not a lot of enthusiasm there.

She didn't eat it for about a half an hour, by which time it was probably cold, and the next thing I knew, she was in bed going to sleep without another word about how it was.

Now, I don't demand praise or feedback for anything I cook, but she usually makes a comment about whatever I make, so I found it odd that she was silent on the matter.

On Friday I went to ask her about something else and while I was talking to her I asked how her dinner was the night before and she said something along the lines of, "it was... interesting. ground chicken just doesn't cook well, it's not your fault. you prepared it well, it's just not that good. ground turkey is better."

No "thank you," no "it was sweet of you to think of me," no "I appreciate the effort especially considering that you're working through the pain right now."

Just meh.

I love when I'm appreciated.

[flipping-the-coin]

[Inquisitorial Report: Subject - Megatron of Kaon]

[Authorization Level: Alpha (Elite Guard Selective)]

[Listed Authorizations: Head Elite Guardsmech Smokescreen]

[Assigned Inquisitor: Hush]

[16 Vorns after Cybertron’s Restoration - One Vorn, Nine Stellar-Cycles into assignment]

═════════════════

Hey Smokescreen. I’ve found out a great deal over the past stellar-cycle… and I think we have a real problem on our servos. Just, work with me here as I try to explain it all. I’ll work down the chain of stuff I think is important.

I was doing as you asked and looking into Alpha Trion, and I’ve found some things out. Although before I begin, I will say I’ve found exactly nothing about that doctor. He’s up and vanished again so I’d drop it if I were you. From what I heard, this something or other Wire guy killed one of the mechs trying to track him. A guardsmech too, might I add. If you sent that poor spark out… Well, I found their body dumped into a ditch a few miles away from my current location. I’d stay out of that Doctor’s way. He seems to not want to be found. And please, if you even give a frag about us, stop sending Inquisitors younger than me out on these sorts of missions. According to the Decepticon codex, no mech younger than twenty vorns should be anywhere near the front lines for a plethora of medical reasons, and that poor Inquisitor in the ditch was hardly five. Don’t let the younger ones get involved with this. I know it is their duty, but they deserve better.

Additionally, it has come to my attention that the Primal Steward is straight up nuts. First Aid came back to us on the brink of tears last deca-cycle. Doctor Ratchet is apparently on the edge of nose diving straight into some sort of breakdown and it does not comfort me in the slightest. He said it looked like a nervous reaction, something Ratchet couldn’t control. I am dead serious when I say he needs a Doctor, Smokescreen. Poor First Aid is losing his mind over all this. Can’t you do anything to help? I may not be Ratchet’s biggest fan after all he’s done to Orion, but even I can tell that mech isn’t doing all of this with a sound mind.

Regarding Carnage… nevermind. I don’t think you need to know about him. Simply put, I’ve experienced some frame changes. Having Carnage around has made my life make more sense. I also had a talk with Megatron after I ended up being unable to keep my sensory panels down after he dropped a plate. I was freaking out over it because, you know… my processor is literally exposed in the back when that happens and I get so much visual data I don’t know what to do. He didn’t get mad or anything, he just sat me down at the table and passed me a new visor and told me to put it on. A full facial visor, battle worthy too from my assessment of it. I did as he asked and the moment I had it on, it connected to my sub-sensory systems. I can actually control what I am seeing now.

With the visor the world is a lot easier to handle, and even Orion seemed happy for me. I was able to control how and when I flare my sensory panels. I could even control my extra optics for once. I know it doesn’t mean a lot to you, but I’ve never been able to operate normally and that visor meant the world to me. It has made a lot of things better, but more importantly to me at any rate, the dust doesn’t bother me nearly as much. And on top of that, helping Megatron search out typos in his poetry is far easier. Our poem production time has gone down exponentially, thank Primus. I can only handle so much of that when Orion is gone.

On another note, Orion bought the land the engraver’s hab was on. He’s hired a crew to go and build something or other in that area. He didn’t share the plans and Megatron keeps giving me this knowing look rather than actually explaining anything. The garden is growing well and I actually feel proficient in my work now. Everything is going according to mine and Orion’s outlined plans and things are… theoretically quiet.

 It has been storming a lot as of late, and I ended up getting sick for a while. It was the worst when the date night I mentioned last report actually occurred. I really did my best to help Megatron prepare for it, I even took some meds I nabbed from the pharmacy nearby. But it was rough, Smokescreen. I got to help Megatron cook a strange dish I cannot pronounce the name of, and it tasted delightful of course. Here’s the recipe if you like. I zipped it for your convenience. 

[Kaoni_dishes_that_I_like.zip]

As I was saying, I was super out of it that night. I did what I could, but my vision was blurry even with the visor. I couldn’t see straight and it felt like all my sensory sub-routines were out of sorts. Carnage tried to convince me to not help since my vision was so bad, but in the end he served as my guide throughout the night. He was my optics throughout the cycle, at least until my tactile sensors began acting up as well. I felt like every little thing was so much more… there? Even the ground beneath my pedes suddenly felt so hard that it hurt my legs. I must have been down on my firewall updates because by the time I retreated into my hole in the wall to let Megatron and Orion have their date night, I could hardly move far enough in to close the vent cover. I must have passed out at some point because the next thing I remembered was being pulled out by Megatron of all mecha.

I had no clue what time it was, where I was, or what was going on. I just recall being gently laid down somewhere soft and having my visor lifted enough for energon to be poured down my throat. It got bad enough that I remember being too overwhelmed to even vent properly. But at some point, I must have gotten well enough to sit up because my next real memory is of sitting in the garden all curled up late at night, my sensory panels fully flared. 

Why am I mentioning this at all? Because I got mouthy when I was sick, and while I was out there in the garden, me and Orion talked. He had… a lot to say after I said my piece. And I think you really need to start checking out our ranks, Smokescreen. Something is off. But anyway, our conversation went something like this:

“It is very lonely living this way. Always serving, never experiencing.”

“Are the working conditions here not to your liking? If so, I am terribly sorry, Melody.”

“No. I love working here. I love living here most of the time… but I have mecha who expect me to serve them since they took me in. Without them, I would probably have starved to death vorns ago.”

“You are an orphan?”

“No. My caretaker got rid of me after my optics became a problem. The Guar-, excuse me. My organization took me in after they found me wandering the streets. It was a chance at a better life… all in exchange for my service.”

“Are you running from them? Is that why you have no residence?”

“I… I don’t know. I don’t know if I can run from them… but I care about this place. I care about you and Megatron. You are the only bots who have treated me well. Like a real person.”

“I will not pry, but do know I understand your struggles to a degree. My Sire took me in from the wilds when I was just a sparkling. But he was a very strict mech.”

“You were brought up in the archives, right?”

“By the one and only Alpha Trion, the Master Archivist. He had plans for me that I never fully deciphered, so he raised me in relative isolation. I was forbidden to engage in anything that did not meet his standards. Including but not limited to most forms of leisure or potentially dangerous activity.”

“At least he cared about you.”

“I like to believe he did… but my life was cultivated to his vision. Even my friends were brought in by him. Ratchet, my oldest friend, was my physician long before he became my associate and began taking me to see the world my Sire forbade me to engage with. And Jazz only entered my life after Ratchet went through… an accident.”

“That’s terrible. I’m sorry.”

“It has been over for a long time now. I have my Conjunx, and he showed me everything I’ve ever missed. I do not regret my life in the slightest.”

“If it isn’t too much, could you tell me about Alpha Trion? How was he with you? Like… his habits and whatnot?”

“Why do you ask?”

“One of my bosses was looking into him, probably trying to locate a secret stash or something. I don’t know. It’s not really my business. But he wanted to know about Alpha Trion’s tendencies for his investigation last time I talked to him… I won’t tell him anything sensitive, but it would be nice to know.”

“… My Sire was always a strict mech. He had a tendency to use the fears and beliefs of those around him to his advantage. He tried hard to get me to become religious to the point of fanaticism by leaning into my interest in history, but it was not very effective. His most common method of getting me to obey was to use conditioning, associating certain activities with reward and others with punishment.”

“Sounds like my training.”

“What?”

“Sorry, continue.”

“Very well… He also had a surprising amount of influence, often digging his digits into religious organizations to get what he wanted. I do not know the extent of it, but by the time I was preparing to leave Iacon for good, I know he had much of the Primacy aiding him in collecting data. It seemed innocent enough for a Master Archivist, but looking back, those priests, and the Elite Guard for that matter, were oddly devoted.”

“The Elite Guard?”

“Yes. The Elite Guard and the Primacy listened to my Sire whenever he gave them an order. Strange, is it not? I never understood it… but I do know that he was very invested in cultural survival and put a great deal of time and effort into preserving archaic beliefs. I think he may have even been an associate of Sentinel Prime.”

“O-oh… How strange.”

As the conversation went on… I started to piece some things together. Alpha Trion had his digits in the Elite Guard and the Primacy, right? Well I started looking into our organization in my down time and I found a few worrying signs, Smokescreen. I know you are technically at the head of our order, but looking at the charts, it certainly doesn’t seem like you are actually in charge of much. No offence, but all you do is give speeches and assign personal escorts when needed. Do you actually know who is doing the sermons or the teaching? What about our recruits? I was looking into the Elite Guard training program and they are far harsher on the little ones than they were on me. Are we becoming radical?

The Decepticons did the same thing millennia ago and look where that led them! Seriously, who is in charge of the Elite Guard? Who is running the church? I can’t find any names, just references to the High Priest. Who is this person? Because I’m looking at the details of the Guard and, by Primus… fifteen casualties a stellar-cycle amongst recruits. We are overly fanatic, taught not to doubt our Prime. Taught to obey without question. That’s textbook cult behavior, Smokescreen! The Decepticon codex outlines what a corrupt organization looks like and we are it! Money is going places I can’t track. We have agents that are being deployed to suspicious locations. The Primacy is issuing heresy warrants. Heresy! That shouldn’t even be a law! If for no other reason than our Prime would never permit it!

I know I believed in the cause once… and I still believe in our faith, at least to an extent. Optimus Prime, even according to Megatron, was a mech with firm and moral ideals. But the Elite Guard? We are corrupt. This must be addressed as soon as possible. There is no other option. And if you don’t start doing something about it? I will .

I have Megatron’s audial. Or did you forget about that? He trusts me now. He has shown me more kindness than all of the Guard combined and through him I have begun to see things differently.  If I tell him our secrets and our training, I can guarantee you that he will tell Orion. And if Orion knows? There will be the wrath of Unicron banging on the doors of the Citadel. Please know that I don’t blame you for this. I’ve looked at your records. You were just a normal Guardsmech before the war, and from what I gather, you’ve just transferred over what you learned to us. But that doesn’t change the fact that all of this is wrong. 

I apologize for being so antagonistic, but something is wrong in our ranks. I don’t know if it is Alpha Trion’s influence or the mech himself, considering he was never confirmed dead. But I am going to stay here. I don’t care if you pull me back. I’m not going. I’m staying right here with my data until something is done about this. 

I’ll be sending additional reports if I find anything else of note. But the time to act is now. Please, listen to me. If you care at all about what we are meant to stand for, help us become better. You are our Head Elite Guardsmech. You have the power to change things. I implore you, do what you can before it is too late to act and you end up removed from power or wrapped up in it. That is not a threat by the way, that is just the natural outcome of things according to Megatron’s writings.

═════════════════

[Report Received: Visibility Status - Seen. Report… Redirected.]

[Notes: … None.]

[ohwynne]

When Wynne asked if she had anything to give to Regan, Jade considered passing. After all, they parted ways forever, right? No hard feelings. Regan was adamant there would be no other way to reach her, refusing to disclose the address where banshees got their correspondence. This was breaking the rules, so to speak. And Jade loved breaking dumb rules, but she always respected Regan’s decision over everything.

But there was still conflict in Jade’s heart, so she consulted with her cats over the following days. Concluding, thanks to Lullaby’s wise input, that she couldn’t pass up on the opportunity to reach out. Except, she had nothing to give Regan, nothing she hadn’t already taken with her. More consulting was needed for Jade to have her lightbulb moment. See, there wasn’t a thing Regan needed from her currently, not with Wynne and Elias going after her. But in the future, maybe, possibly, if something came up and minds suddenly changed (as unlikely as that was to ever happen), she wanted Regan to know where she stood. 

Jade figured a change of mind wouldn’t be enough for Regan’s stubborn ass to leave Ireland and what she believed to be her duty behind. No, Jade knew she’d try to make it work, somehow. No matter how miserable she felt. So Jade wanted to give Regan a hand, all the way from Wicked’s Rest, on the chance that Regan felt like her own desires didn’t matter enough to tip the scales. Regan had always been a little weak for Jade’s big-brained logic, hadn’t she? So she ended up handing Wynne a small envelope before they left for Ireland. The outside read: “Break in case of emergency”, and then below, “DO NOT break. OPEN” for Regan and Wynne’s more literal brains.

If Regan were to ever open the envelope, she’d find… a letter. It starts with a dramatic opening, “Regan. Hey…if you are reading this it means [del: I‘m]… things are not looking good”.

“Things might be super mega bad, right now, actually. And I know you wanna stick to your guns, I know you think there’s a way to turn this around and make it work. A last-second 3-pointer that’s gonna fix it all and make your granny cheer (I watched Space Jam, I think that’s how basketball works). I almost wanna believe in you, cause that’s all I do. But please… hear me out. Ireland isn’t the end of it. You can do what you must do here. I should’ve said it. You should’ve stayed. I wanted you to. But that’s not why I’m writing to you. I want you to stop thinking about everyone else but yourself. You are a person too. [del:You’re my] But if you can’t think about you, think about me, okay? You enjoy doing that a lot too.” 

The message is followed by a list titled: “69 reasons why we should be together (number 69 will make your jaw drop)”. Jade started the list months before Ireland was even on the horizon, back when Regan was still pretending there was nothing going on between them. She never planned on finishing it, cause she got the girl, but desperate times called for desperate measures. 

The list… is a bit of a mess. Parts heartfelt, part inside jokes, the numbers are not in order, cause, why would they, it’s Jade? Number 12 talks about both of them being nosy, which totally means they would have all the tea about the town, followed by Number 36, a simple “We can share clothes”. Number 20 is “You need someone to watch whales decompose with, I happen to have my Google alerts on”. Number 69 is just a winky face, but number 66 says, “bog sex might happen”. Number 17 mentions how opposites attract, while Number 18 points out that they’re more similar than either wants to admit. Number 52 is “We’d never run out of things to talk about”. Number 47 is “Porcupines deserve to be held too, in fact, they might need it more than others”. Number 10 reads, “Chemistry that should be studied in a lab, actually”, and Number 2, “I’d give up on hearing music for the rest of my life if that meant hearing your voice whisper my name again”.

At the bottom of the list, there’s Number 1, and it says: “I love you, and you love me. That’s not changing in this lifetime. So not doing something about it? Super irresponsible”

The letter ends with,

“Prove me right”. 

Wynne has taken the envelope to Ireland and has not opened or broken it, even if there were some emergencies. The letter is left in Regan’s clinic, as mentioned in Dead End.

[cchickki]

Surprise! Part II - Electric Boogaloo

part two of the surprise pregnancy request for my friend @chrissymodi-frost! ❤️ I hope you enjoy!!

part one can be found here: (x)

chapter summary: You and Miguel have an eventful day planned after you broke the (possible) news of your pregnancy to him.

pairing: miguel o'hara x fem reader (no use of y/n)

word count: 1.7k

rating: E / general audiences, no specific warnings, just the surprise pregnancy trope, domestic fluff, etc.

also available to read on ao3!

It didn’t take long for the news to set Miguel in motion. He planned out the entire day for you, running it by you as he coaxed you into getting changed out of your pajamas, then into the car:

First: go to the store and buy the pregnancy tests

Second: go get something to eat/drink (if you’re able to stomach it)

Third: take test

Four: schedule doctor’s appointment (if the result is positive)

It all seemed simple enough. Miguel listed the steps, counting on his fingers as the two of you got into the car. You hummed in response, half-listening only because everything was moving at whirlwind speed and it was a lot to process. The irony of Miguel just getting home from running errands to have to rush out again was mildly amusing to you. Miguel put the pedal to the medal (literally) as he raced you to the store; you swore you were being pressed back into your seat, leaving an indent as you gripped the grab handle on the car roof, your eyes wide.

“I would like to make it in one piece.” You stated, your voice is a bit more shrill than you intended it to be.

He scoffed, flashing you a bemused smile out of the corner of his mouth. “Time is of the essence, would you have rather drove?”

“No…” You mumbled.

You tended to enjoy being a passenger princess, but you didn’t enjoy his current hasty, reckless driving. When he parked at the supermarket, you undid your seatbelt as fast as you could, flinging the car door open to jump out. 

“Land!” You exclaimed in feigned dramatics, purposely trying to tease Miguel.

He rolled his eyes as he came around the car, motioning for you to follow him. “Very funny, Cielo. We’ve got to hurry.”

“Why exactly do we need to hurry? It’s not like the potential embryo has a meeting to get to or anything.” You jested, but he was too focused on crossing the parking lot to answer.

Miguel was a man on a mission when you both set foot into the store. He grabbed a cart and bounded for the feminine products aisle, practically leaving you in the dust as he zig-zagged around the other (slow moving) shoppers. You had to jog to try and keep up with him, his larger frame made brisk-walking appear like a speedy trot. As you made it to the aisle, a wall of different types of pregnancy tests were displayed. You took one, reading the back of the box carefully for directions and to determine the effectiveness, but as you did that Miguel had started scooping multiple tests into the cart with his arms. You gaped over at him. You weren’t the only one, shoppers nearby had paused what they were doing to observe the spectacle he was creating.

"Miguel, honey... I don't need that many tests..." You whispered through a forced smile and gritted teeth.

"You can never be too careful." He replied simply.

"I can't even produce enough pee to use all of these tests!" You gestured to our cart.

“Which is why we are stopping for drinks when we’re finished here.” He added.

“What? You expect me to chug like forty drinks?!” You exclaimed, picking three tests out of the cart, holding them up to him. 

You could feel the weight of the other shoppers eyes on the both of you, making your stomach flutter with anxiety. Miguel appeared unfazed by the attention, his only focus on you as he narrowed his eyes at the pregnancy tests you were holding up. He glanced back down at the cart he had filled, the end of his lip curling in thought.

He sighed, “fine, I’ll put these back if you want to go up to the check out, I’ll meet you there.”

“Okay,” you turned on your heel, wanting to break away from the crowd that was observing you both and whispering to themselves. A thought made you freeze in your tracks, causing you to spin back around and jog through the aisle. He was hanging each test back up, but was causing a traffic jam of other carts as shoppers had to go around his larger frame. What an awkward disaster.

He glanced up at you, curiously, his eyebrows rising expectantly as he waited for you to speak.

“Wallet.” You stated, holding out your hand.

He reached in his pocket and handed it to you without hesitation, then went back to putting away and organizing all the other pregnancy tests.

You couldn’t wait to get out of the store, but now the anticipation of taking those tests and finding out was eating away at you. Even as Miguel drove around, suggesting and pointing out places the both of you could get something to eat at, it was hard for you to even consider stomaching any food at the moment. He noticed how quiet you had become, and how your focus was staring out the window of the car.

“Everything okay, Cielo?” He asked.

“Huh? Oh yeah, I’m fine. I’m just not really sure I have much of an appetite right now.”

He hummed in response, nodding his head at your words. 

“I think I’m just too nervous to eat or drink, I’m just thinking about the test and how to prepare, and how I would feel about the results…like am I really ready to be a mother? But thinking about it coming out negative makes me sad, you know?” You explained.

Miguel didn’t reply, he kept his attention on the road, his expression relaxed and unchanging. For some reason that irritated you, your grumpiness from before resurfacing at his calmness. You crossed your arms in irritation, sinking down further into the seat.

“Don’t mind me, just having an existential crisis over here…” You grumbled with a huff.

“What? I’m listening, Cielo. Just thinking about what you said. You know, however the tests come out I’m going to support you no matter what.” Miguel stated delicately, giving you a soft smile. “How about we go home and I can just order something to eat, or I’ll cook something. How’s that sound?”

You returned his soft smile, sitting up a bit straighter in your seat, your short-lived irritation melting away by his reassurance. Your mind was still reeling with worriment and excitement for whatever the future could bring, but you felt more at ease knowing you didn’t have to face anything alone. 

Right when you both got home, you hopped out of the car, swinging the bag of pregnancy tests around as you raced to the door. Now it was Miguel’s turn to struggle to keep up with you, as he jogged behind you to try to reach the door before you so he could unlock it. You dashed to the bathroom, nearly tripping on your own two feet in the process, but stumbling around didn’t slow you down. You shut the bathroom door behind you, ripping open the first pregnancy test box with such ferocity that you nearly tore up the directions. You hadn’t realized how much your hands were shaking until you dropped the box on the floor, unable to hold it still.

Miguel knocked on the door, questioning if you needed anything. You told him you were fine as you prepared yourself to take the first test. You reread the directions like six times as you sat on the toilet, wanting to be sure you did everything correctly. 

The five minutes it took for the test results to appear on the little screen felt like an eternity. You tapped your foot rapidly, your leg moving restlessly as you gazed down at the test you were holding. You placed it on the bathroom counter, your hands too jittery to hold it steady as you waited. The five minute timer you set went off on your phone, making you jump even though you were expecting it. You grabbed the test hastily, your heart pounding in your chest as you peered down at the results.

It was positive.

You lowered the test, glancing over at the other two boxes of unopened tests laying on the bathroom floor. You decided to take the other tests first to make sure, holding back the urge to tell Miguel. You took the other tests, rereading the directions (some of the symbols and waiting times were different). Another eternity passed and your phone timer went off again; you weren’t as nervous to check the results this time, but the anticipation did cause your stomach to have butterflies. 

Another positive.

Repeat the same process, for the third and final time. Your jittering morphing into something more of excitement as you waited for the phone timer again. You still had normal doubts about parenthood and going through a pregnancy, but that didn’t dampen the exhilaration you started to feel in your chest with each mounting second. You knew the last test would make it a reality, knowing the possibility of three pregnancy tests all being false-positives was very slim. As the timer sounded, you snatched the test from the counter.

Positive.

You let out a squeal of glee (and maybe a bit of fear), unable to contain yourself any longer. You heard Miguel shout your name from somewhere in your home, the sound of his footsteps approaching speedily. You stood up, washing your hands and cleaning yourself up as you lined the three positive tests up together by the sink. Miguel knocked on the door again, this time you told him to come in.

He opened the door, seeing your facial expression made him break out into a smile as he studied the tests on the bathroom counter. He gleefully pulled you into an embrace, lifting you up off your feet to spin you around. You laughed, thrilled to see Miguel so excited with the news that he was going to be a parent.

“We’re going to be parents!” You proclaimed, your hands raised in celebration as he put you back down on the ground. 

“Now we have to schedule the doctor appointments, get a registry ready. Oh, and the spare room needs to be prepared-” 

You listened to Miguel list off the preparations that needed to be done, watching him as he counted on his fingers, then pulled out his phone to make the calls and create the lists. You smiled at his attentiveness, knowing that no matter what you both were going to be okay.

Everything was blissful. 

[liberateddev]

A blog I wrote 4 years ago after reading Octavia Butler’s Parable series…

I will be rereading this summer since that’s when the story began.

My first two books of 2020 were written from the ever brilliant Octavia Butler. The Parable of the Sower, followed by The Parable of the Talents.

What a time to be reading Octavia Butler.

I have heard and seen Octavia’s name in so many Movement and organizing spaces. I was somewhat ashamed to say that I as a self-proclaimed sci-fi nerd and book lover hadn’t read any of her works, but was sure that I would love her based on so many Black womxn who said so. So I would add her to my list of favorites.

Forecast come true.

Reading Sower I couldn’t help but see myself in the protagonist, Lauren Olamina. Her hypersensitivity to feel what others feel, her leadership, her ability to vision. Her organizing for self and collective determination through Earthseed. Her father being a minister of faith, like mine. Even the setting of Sower felt like an eerie warning considering current events (this is touched on in Talents with President Jarret). Houselessness and gentrification, lack of access to healthcare, poverty, addiction, state violence... even the isms are present in Olamina’s world. Set in 2024-- four years from now-- it’s almost like the Parables are omens of what’s to come if we don’t get right. This is why I say Octavia was brilliant... she even predicted the “Make America Great Again” culture almost to a T.

They say all organizing is science fiction.

I can see this with shows like Star Trek and Doctor Who, and movies like the Star Wars franchise. Sci-Fi cultivates radical imagination and inspires self-determination. When you think about it from this perspective, we are all living in someone else’s dream. Or nightmare. All of the work we do on the ground shapes Change and creates bright new futures that once weren’t realized. When you think about it from a macro perspective, our ancestors did this work. They were determined to live their fullest lives, to further their bloodline, and to love despite systemic terror and oppression. Freedom fighters did and still do this work. None of us live in a vacuum, and decolonization is hard hard work. But we are literally breaking generational curses for the sake of ushering in Change and new DNA for us and our future children and so on. We are creating a new way of living just like Olamina did in the Parables.

Change starts within. Olamina was mindful of what she needed to do in order to create the Change she sought. She started with herself by reading, studying, and practicing survival tactics. She wrote down her thoughts, sat with her noticings. She kept her cards close to her chest until it was time to spread her new truths and by that point she had nearly embodied the Change she spoke so often about. By that I mean she practiced what she preached, so much so it was second nature to her. It was no surprise that (spoiler alert) she grew to be this great thought leader and pioneer when neared the end of her life. She spread Earthseed and planted thousands of new ideas and ways of living at a time when it was gravely needed (post-Pox). Even when people called her crazy along the way, she doubled down into what she knew to be true-- her noticings. She persisted nevertheless, even when she was outnumbered. Even when she was alone.

While I got a lot from Octavia’s Parable series, these lessons made the most lasting impression some week and change after I finished the series:

Embrace Change

Embody the Change you seek

Speak with integrity

Document your noticings/truths

Live in right relationship with land

Be strategic

Ground in your convictions

Use your empathy as a strength

Trust your initial instincts

You fail the plan you plan to fail!

Your family and friends won’t always get you... love them fiercely anyways

You have the tools you need to shape the future

Community is everything and really all you got when shit hits the fan

Vision past the stars