#this is like 3x as long as part 1

[diluc33rpm]

astarion is so fucking funny as a character because conceptually he hits all the marks of a wet cat blorbo but in practice he's unbelievably hard to stand. i'll be on the bg3 companion guide and have to start CRYING from trying to find the shit under his section that gains approval. loses -15 points for gently suggesting we not massacre an orphanage in cold blood with the d&d equivalent of a nuclear warhead

[girlwithrituals]

GLOW UP GUIDE FOR 2025⠀

READ: On average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And considering that 2025 is precisely these many days away, why not start with our glow up plan already?

Physical Glow Up-

BODY

— 5-10K steps a day.

— 7-8 hours of sleep.

— workout everyday for 1 hr atleast- yoga/stretching/pilates/cardio. a workout may take one hour, but your mood will be boosted for the next 12 hours.

— posture training.

— sunlight exposure after waking up for at least 10 minutes.

NUTRITION

— 2-3 liters of water every day.

— limit your caffeine intake.

— avoid sugars as much as you can.

— high protein diet, pre and probiotics.

— more fruits and veggies (+ green smoothies if you like).

— no junk/processed food/trans fat.

— no eating after 8 pm.

SKINCARE

— be clear on your skin type (oily, dry, combination, sensitive).

— once you're clear, use these accordingly- cleanser, toner, targeted serum, eye cream, moisturizer, sunscreen (≥50 spf).

— keep your bedding clean as well.

— no picking of skin on your lips, cuticle etc.

— gua sha to help improve blood circulation and lessen toxins.

— cold therapy may take three to five minutes of being uncomfortable, but your energy levels will be boosted for the rest of the day.

— remove makeup before you go to bed.

BODY CARE

— shower every day.

— exfoliate 2x a week.

— use body lotion (shea butter/aloe vera gel/coconut oil).

HAIR CARE

— wash hair 2-3x a week

— oil your scalp 2x a week, at least 3 hours before shampoo.

— hair mask 1x per week.

— never brush wet hair.

— use silk pillow case.

HYGIENE

— brush your teeth 2x a day, clean tongue and the roof of the mouth daily.

— floss daily.

— cut your nails 1x a week, never remove the cuticles.

— glycolic acid under arm for odor and discoloration.

— never use soap on your coochie.

Mental Glow Up-

MINDSET

— set clear goals- define and breakdown your aspirations.

— start your mornings with positive affirmations.

— surround yourself with uplifting content and people.

— be shamelessly selfish to your career and mental health, remove anyone or anything that doesn't align with your priorities and wellbeing.

— boost your brain health by these 4 neuroscience tools:

difficult first: start your day with the most difficult task (cortisol and dopamine are high in the body meaning that your body/mind is primed to work).

rest your eyes: introduce a micro-pause after learning by resting/closing your eyes - will help retain information better.

tomorrow's worries: write tomorrow's to-do list before bed as it is proven to be effective in helping you fall asleep.

find time to play: engage in low-stake play. can be anything you find fun but where the outcome doesn't matter (induces neuroplasticity + reduces stress).

MIND

— meditation might take as low as ten minutes, but your focus will be improved for the rest of the day.

— no social media after waking up and at least an hour before bed.

— keep aside 1 hr of time to read daily! reading a new book may take five hours, but you will keep the knowledge forever.

— journaling, gratitude.

— digital detox once a week or for 12 hours.

— limit unnecessary screentime, unfollow or cut off people you don't want to see.

JOURNALING

— choose a regular time each day to journal, making it a part of your routine.

— find a quiet, comfortable place free from distractions. light a candle if you want.

— allow your thoughts to flow without censoring or editing.

— write about your feelings and emotions to understand them better. write about things you are thankful for to boost your mood. write about your short-term and long-term goals. identify what triggers certain emotions or reactions

— set a timer for 5-10 minutes and write continuously during that time.

— reflect on both positive experiences and challenges.

— make lists, journal your thoughts on these questions.

— journal at night to clear your mind before bedtime, because emotions and thoughts lose their power once we acknowledge them.

— a gratitude practice may take five minutes, but your mindset will be shifted for the rest of the day.

AFFIRMATIONS

— customise affirmations to your needs.

Personal Life-

WEEKLY TASKS

— initiate small changes: begin with small, manageable tasks such as making your bed or cleaning your room every sunday.

— celebrate your success: reward yourself when you achieve your goals or have a consistently productive week. consider treats like buying flowers for yourself or watching your favorite show.

DAILY WORK

— set achievable goals: establish realistic goals for the day, week, or month ahead.

— track your progress.

— organise your work space, declutter your shelves etc.

— embrace the power of lists: keep a list of tasks to be done and their deadlines. this way, you start each day with a clear plan. to make it visually appealing and motivating, consider using productivity apps like evernote, habit tracker, or notion.

PRODUCTIVITY TIPS

— wake up early.

— plan ahead everything, do scheduling. you can use:

google calendar / notion / tasks .

— if the task takes less than 2 minutes to finish, do it immediately.

— countdown rule, if you are procrastinating, count 1-2-3-4-5 and jump.

— start slow, don't rush and try to do everything at one time.

— follow a proper routine, use app locks based on screentime.

— pomodoro technique, 25 min work, and 5 min break.

— schedule longer break times as well e.g 30 min nap.

[kaleldobrev]

Shiny New Toy (1)

Pairing: Demon!Dean Winchester x Fem!Virgin!Reader

Summary: You're Demon Dean's shiny new toy

Word Count: 1.8k

Warnings: Age Gap, Cursing (3x), Smut (Oral Sex, Fingering), Virgin Reader, Demon Dean (yes, he gets a warning), Bondage (kinda?), Forced Orgasm (kinda?)

Authors Note: I feel like I should apologize for this cause I wrote this when I was horny past midnight when I should have been sleeping but I'm not going to apologize | What I should be apologizing for is the fact that I wrote this knowing that it's gonna be multiple parts | This is the more tamer of the parts | 18+ only please | MDNI | If you liked this, don’t forget to like & reblog. I really appreciate it! Feedback is always welcome ♡

Your eyes fluttered open slowly, trying to adjust to the unnatural red glow of the room you were currently in. Your hands were above your head, chained up and in thick cuffs. Your legs were spread apart equal to your shoulders; they too were chained up in similar cuffs. Looking down at your body, you almost didn’t realize what you were wearing at first, as you were too distracted by the cuffs on your wrist and ankles. You were wearing a thin layer of clothing; wearing something that you hadn’t bought yourself, nor would ever buy. You were wearing a matching set of lace see-through lingerie. And from the feeling of the cold metal against your ass, the panties that you were wearing was in fact a thong - something you hated more than anything.

Your stomach felt like it was in knots, and your throat was unbelievably dry, like you hadn’t had water in days. You didn’t know how long you had been in this room; the last thing you had remembered was being in the Bunker, you and Sam being chased with a hammer by Dean. In this moment, all you could think about was Sam, hoping and wishing that he was okay.

The sound of a metal door opened behind you, and from the sound of it, it sounded heavy. You shut your eyes for a brief moment, trying to gather your thoughts and trying to lower your racing heart; but it was all a failed attempt. In addition to the door you heard heavy boots walking across the floor behind you, followed by a small chuckle. The heavy boots and that chuckle were two things that you instantly recognized. “Dean.” You mumbled, letting out a breathy sigh.

A hand touched your arm, and your body jumped and tensed at the same time from the contact. Dean finally coming into view, giving you the flirtiest of smiles; one that you had been so accustomed to getting from him. “Hey Sunshine.” Your heart picked up the pace at hearing your nickname that he had reserved only for you. “Your heart is going a million miles. I could hear it down the hall.”

He ran his hand down your arm, across your breasts, all the way down to your stomach, just stopping right above the hem of your panties. “Where are we?” You asked.

“We’re in Hell Sweetheart.” He said so matter of factly. You were fucked. One of his fingers started playing with the hem of your panties; a part of you was starting to get turned on, but another part of you tried remaining strong; but that part was failing as your body was reacting in a much different way. You were almost embarrassed, ashamed that you were getting turned on; and Dean had barely touched you.

He removed his finger from the hem and walked over to a small cart that consisted of an assortment of tools. He picked up one tool, that seemed like a knife of some sort. Your body tensed up again, afraid of what he was going to do with it. Dean chuckled, noticing that your body had tensed. “You afraid of this?” He asked, holding the knife up, a small grin on his lips. You nodded. “Aw baby.” His voice seemed very amused.

Walking over to you, he gently started tracing the point of the knife on your skin. He didn’t apply enough pressure to leave any marks, but just enough to feel the sharpness from the blade. He started at your legs and started tracing upward, stopping at the hem again. For some reason, he was obsessed. “So beautiful.” He mumbled. He looked at you, still grinning. “I picked this little number out for you. Needed to know if you would look just as good as I pictured you would.” He paused for a moment before taking the blade of the knife and cutting off the thong; quickly throwing it off to the side. “More beautiful than I pictured.” You knew he was no longer talking about the lingerie, but your bare pussy in front of him. Although you weren’t naked, you might as well have been.

“Dean.” Was all you could get out. You had wanted to say more, but your body wasn’t cooperating.

“If I touch you, are you going to be wet for me?” He asked. You weren’t sure if he had actually wanted you to respond or not. But before you could, one of his fingers was already touching your clit. You sucked in a breath at the sudden contact. He looked at your pussy for a moment as he slowly slide his finger up and down moving some of the wetness around. He looked at you, seeming satisfied that you were already wet for him. “Sweetheart, I’ve barely touched you and you’re soaked.” His face changed then, his grin almost turning into an evil like smirk. “Wait. That’s right. You’re a virgin.” He chuckled. “Virgins get wet so easily. I almost forgot what that’s like.”

You had told Dean in confidence a few months ago that you were a virgin. Upon telling him, he had practically offered to take it. But you had told him that you didn’t want to lose your virginity with a one night stand, that you had wanted to lose it to someone that you loved and someone that loved you just the same. You remembered briefly now, that he almost seemed hurt by your words.

“Now tell me.” He began, putting the knife back into the cart. “When you say virgin, how virgin are we talking here?” He asked. “Ever been fingered? Eaten out?” You shook your head. “Never? Not even once?”

“No.” Your no sounded so weak. It wasn’t like you didn’t want those things, you just never really had the opportunity. Hunting had taken up a lot of your time, and you weren’t one for one night stands. So getting fingered, eaten out, or having sex was something that didn’t happen for you. Although you were a little ashamed, you also weren’t completely upset by it either, given the fact that you had only just turned 21 a few weeks prior - it was perfectly normal for a woman your age to still be a virgin in all senses of the word.

“You know, when you first told me that you were a virgin, I gotta say Sweetness, I was very surprised.” He said, stepping in between your legs. “But, it gave me thoughts about you that…” he licked his lips before he started kissing your inner thighs. “Made me realize how badly I’ve wanted you forever.” More kisses; and more wetness started to form. A small moan had escaped your lips. “Cause baby, when I first met you, I wanted you, and wanted you bad. But, had to stop myself. You know why?” He licked a long strip of your clit. “Even though you were 18, a part of me thought that it was so…wrong to ruin you that young."

You shouldn’t have been turned on by his words but you were. You remembered the day you had met Dean. You had just turned 18 a few weeks before and you just graduated from high school. You had noticed the way Dean had looked at you, giving you his classic flirty smile. But you noticed how quickly his demeanor changed once you said how old you were. His demeanor going from overly flirty, to dad or friend. You had figured in that moment that he had no intentions of ever wanting to pursue a relationship with you given your age. You were a little crushed to say the least.

“You have no idea how hard it’s been trying to control myself around you.” He took one of his fingers and started to slowly push inside your cunt. “So many times I pictured what it would be like to just bend you over the counter and fuck that little ass of yours raw.” His finger was going slow, and you were thankful for that; but amazed at the same time. “So many times I’ve pictured having my head between these legs of yours and eating you out until your legs turned into jello.” He added a second finger now, and you tensed up, clenching around his fingers.

“You’re so wet for me.” He mumbled. “And you’re taking my fingers real good too.” He said a bit louder. Two of his fingers were now fully inside of you, knuckle deep. “I may be a demon, but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna be nice and not let you cum. Especially given the circumstances.” The way he said it, it sounded almost as if you should be thanking him. His movements started going slow, as he started pumping his fingers inside of you. It was a weird sensation, but a sensation that your body had craved for such a long time; especially from Dean. You had wanted so much to lose your virginity to him; but not to this version. He was a demon, a cruel, heartless knight of hell. Not your sweet, loving, nerdy best friend whom you were in love with.

“Dean please…” You weren’t sure what you had wanted to say in that moment. You didn’t necessarily want him to continue or to stop; your body and mind were confused. You had felt like you shouldn’t have been wet for him, to be turned on, he was a demon after all. But all you saw and felt was Dean, no demon in sight despite what you had actually knew.

“Yes Sweetheart?” He asked, his fingers were starting to pick up the pace, every so often his fingers would hook and curl inside of you, trying their best to get the perfect angle. You felt yourself starting to get wetter and wetter, and you knew how much Dean was enjoying this. He had pictured you so many times. “Need you to use your words doll.”

The pressure inside of you was building, your pussy clenching around his fingers. “My little virgin gonna cum?” He practically whispered. You couldn’t help but nod. “You know how I know? You’re clenching so tight around my fingers.” He smirked. His free hand tilted your chin, forcing you to make eye contact with him. Your hips instinctively started swiveling trying to help yourself cum. He looked at your hips for a moment before making eye contact with you again. “Look at those little hips go.” He grinned again. “Want to look at your face the first time you cum. Need to see your O face.”

His fingers were aggressive now, his movements were erratic. Although you were close to an orgasm, it almost felt like he was trying to force one out of you; something that you didn’t think was possible. A moment later you started coming; your face contorted, and your eyes briefly shut. Your hips bucked up, and Dean continued to finger you through your orgasm. “Fuck.” You breathed out, your chest rising and falling. He removed his fingers from your cunt, and you already missed them inside of you. He brought his fingers to his lips and licked them clean.

“More delicious than I pictured.” He said. “Can’t wait for you to cum around my cock.” He smirked. This was going to be a long night for sure.

Tag List: @roseblue373 @beansproutmafia @queenie32 @deanwanddamons If you would like to be added to the tag list, let me know!

[dnpbeats]

Dan and Phil 2024 Upload Stats: Half a Year in Review

hi everyone! as we are officially halfway through 2024, i thought it would be fun to make a little post about some intersting stats from d&p's uploads this year! especially as things will likely start slowing down (or rather stay slowed down) during the latter part of this year due to the tour! as a reminder, spreadsheet can be found here :)

general stats

there have been 42 uploads so far this year. 13 of those are AP and the other 29 are DAPG, meaning they've uploaded over twice as much on the gaming channel

the average time between uploads across all channels is 3.9 days. looking at the channels individually, the average upload time between AP videos is 11.9 days and for DAPG it's 5.4 days

across both channels, dan and phil have helped edit 81% of the videos. they have only edited one out of the 42 videos on their own, which was on DAPG

100% of AP videos have had spons (capita£ester strikes again) and 79.3% of gaming videos have had spons (looking at both channels together, 85.7% have had spons)

their average upload time is 8:26pm

dan has been in (in some capacity) 46.2% of the AP videos this year

24.1% of the gaming videos have been non-gaming content

phil has been the one to tweet about the gaming videos 86.2% of the time

date/time stats

wednesday is their most popular day to upload, with 11 uploads (the majority of which have been DAPG uploads). sunday and friday are tied for second with 10 uploads each

saturday is the only day that they haven't uploaded on this year (this includes irregular uploads too, like ads and livestreams!)

average upload time for each day of the week:

sponsor stats

nordvpn is their most common sponsor, having sponsored 7 of their videos this year (4 on DAPG, 3 on AP). their second most-common sponsor is dragon city, having sponsored 6 videos (all DAPG)

6 videos have had no sponsors (again, all DAPG)

data for all spons:

editor stats

our queen superseizer had edited/helped edit 12 videos (11 DAPG vids, 1 AP)

seizer has edited 3 vids on her own (3x as many as d&p 🤩)

runtime stats

stats exclude poppy playtime chp. 3 bc it's so long lol

thursday uploads have the longest average runtime at 24:18. friday uploads have the shortest average runtime of 16:56

afk journey is the sponsor with the longest average runtime (29:56). the second-longest average runtime is videos with no sponsors (28:42). the sponsor with the shortest average runtime is headspace (14:54)

seizer on average edits longer videos! the average length of a video she has edited/helped edit is 25:11. for d&p the average length is 20:01

series stats

the sims series has had the most uploads this year, with 7. DvP has had 3 uploads and golf with friends has had 1 upload

on average there are 22 days between sims uploads and 65 days between DvP uploads

seizer is the only one trusted with editing sims vids 🙏🏻

so yeah! there are even more stats in the spreadsheet but i just wanted to include the more intersting stuff here. there's also a calendar if you want to visually see the distribution of days that videos have been uploaded (including irregular uploads!). also there's still the interactive bit where you can calculte the length between two uploads :3

lmk if you have any questions or want to see any other comparisons/charts i don't have!!

[cogentranting]

Ranking Animated Horse Designs Take 3

This time I really am back by popular demand because the other two posts have been getting a steady trickle of notes for over a year now.

(If you're looking for stuff like Disney and Dreamworks there are two other posts. Here we've got mostly random cartoons and also the Pokemon horses)

Starlite (Rainbow Brite) 6/10 Little weird that he seems to be drawn in a style that's like 3x more realistic than any other character in this show but hey sometimes you just ascend to a higher plane of existence. (2014 Reboot Starlite gets a 3/10. I do not trust him.)

Skydancer (Rainbow Brite) 7/10 I bumped Starlite down a point because he wants what Skydancer has. Skydancer doesn't need rainbows to fly. Skydancer has a lightning bolt. Skydancer has the Drama. (The one wiki page said he's a Shire or a Clydesdale and um I don't think so. Maybe a Friesian.)

On-yx (Rainbow Brite) This is a rocket powered balloon animal. 2/10

Sunriser (Rainbow Brite) 5/10 Eh. I like her hair though.

Swift Wind (She-Ra and the Princesses of Power/ She-Ra Princess of Power)

Right (older version) 8/10 I don't understand the wing physics going on here. Also not sure if the horn is part of the mask or just attached to the mask. Diggin the bib though. Also love that he's a ginger.

Left (new version) 4/10 If the older version wasn't there this would score higher because just as a character design I don't think it's bad but if these are supposed to be the same character he seems so cutesy and I do not vibe with it. I don't know either show. So maybe that works. But it feels wrong.

Amalthea (The Last Unicorn) 9/10 They gave the unicorn the split deer hooves, and the lions tail and that is automatic points from me. Bummed they didn't go all out and give us the goat's beard. Rude. Any distance shot, I love. Close-ups of the face creep me out with the giant doll eyes and tiny nose.

(Pokemon and more below)

Honey Pie Pony (Strawberry Shortcake) 8/10 Adorable. Fantastically chunky design. The others from this... show? book? brand? are like 6s or 5s depending. But Honey Pie has the It factor. (The It Factor here apparently being that recurring pattern of only the main character's horse being able to talk?? This is the third. Swift Wind, Starlite and Honey Pie have dark secrets about how they come by this knowledge).

My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic "ponies" Just as characters they're cute in a "trying so hard to be cute that they almost miss the mark entirely" way. But this is about how they are as HORSE designs. And these are magical gremlins not horses. 1/10 (WHAT is happening on the far right of this set. I do not approve. Zebra is fine though).

My Little Pony: A New Generation Like if the MLP: FM ponies and the Trolls characters somehow had children. Somehow the main character of Bee Movie was also involved. The one on the left makes TikTok thirst traps. -2/10

My Little Pony Tales 3/10 I can almost tell they're meant to be horses. Plus that one has a tattoo of a comb. So. Full extra point for the comb tattoo.

Bratz Horses I can't tell if there's an official video game or cartoon design for these but in ANY given version I found the conclusion is the same: if you look into the gigantic distended eye you will be put under the horse's curse. 1/10

Boxer (Animal Farm) 4/10 All horses are equal but some are more equal than others, but Boxer is not one of them because his mouth is not okay.

Marvin (Marvin the Tap Dancing Horse) 5/10 I mean. Dude's got spats. Come on.

Ponyta (Pokemon) 3/5 The armpit and middle thigh flames were a choice.

Rapidash (Pokemon) 8/10 Look at his face. The angst. He has seen things.

Mudsdale (Pokemon) 8/10 The classic mohawk, dreadlocks and legwarmers trifecta. Love it. Would love to hug him.

Galarian Ponyta 3/10 It's giving sheep, and it's giving dog. Very little horse.

Galarian Rapidash (Pokemon) 4/10 He's angry because his hair is too long and he can't walk and also he has not eaten enough somebody feed this horse.

Origin Palkia (Pokemon) 6/10 A built-in hoola-hoop AND thigh high Boots?! what fashion.

Keldeo (Pokemon) 1/10 Clown goat.

Spectrier (Pokemon) 10/10 Beautiful goth girl horse floating around like a Victorian ghost who's too modest to show her ankles.

Mudbray (Pokemon) 5/10 He has passed through the depths of existential dread and returned world-weary but unshakeable and with a snazzy bowl cut.

Glastrier (Pokemon)

20/10 ICE HORSE ICE HORSE ICE HORSE. I love him so much. He's punk rock

The Fat Horse (Looney Tunes) 10/10 Queen.

[thegnomelord]

was thinking about drawing Ifrit from "Hell has a basement floor" and had some headcanons on his appearance.

on one hand i was thinking to make him tall and burly, built big to store all the mana and power he has, make him built like a volcano.

on the other.... what if and hear me out.... Ifrit.... skinny. tall and gangly, long limbs, underfed, outlines of bones poking out from underneath the skin, sunken eyes for that extra unsettling factor. besides magic does have a cost. maybe it's just your body that needs to be exchanged.

now i thought of the second hc because tall and skinny isn't exactly associated with the kind of brute force Ifrit has but he's still strong even if his lifestyle is gonna put him in an early grave. now imagine when he's finally part of tf 141 they notice that he's not very well in the food and weight department for his height and the amount of energy he spends so... they start feeding him (especially Price and Soap because protect and care hoard/pack)......

i've also been getting into the trope where characters gain weight as a sign of health and living a better life. so yeah tell me what you think

and maybe share your hcs on Ifrits appearance because i don't want to butcher your creation on accident

Okay 1: you have no idea how happy it makes me when I hear ppl want to draw fan art of my stuff :DD, internally I'm like that dog video where the dogs happily tapping his paws lol bc he can't contain his excitement lol. And also yeah, I'm a huge sucker for the trope and your little idea with Price amd Soap tickles my brain.

And 2: man you did some mind reading bc your hcs are actually very close to what I've made up for the lore of the whole au. While I want to overall leave Ifrit's body type ambiguous to give readers some space to imagine themselves in Ifrit's place, Ifrit is 100% underweight with more of a volleyball/basketball player type build, as mages focus on stamina and endurance rather than raw strength bc that can be augmented with magic. Also has stretch marks because their weight fluctuates a lot lol

Okay lore spoilers so if y'all want to find out through the story skip this-

Okay so— magic is increadibly taxing on the body, not just by eating away flesh and creating mage marks as a Mage's power grows, but just by simply existing inside the body magic stresses the body. Because fundamentally magic is toxic to humans, and even mages who have the needed adaptations to utilise magic are no better than our ancestors when they were first learning to stand on two legs.

The best metaphor I have for magic is chemo drugs. They're used to kill a cancer but they also damage healthy cells. Magic, similarly, damages the body by existing inside it, but also is used by mages to heal the damage as soon as it happens. This uses a lot of calories and also why mages have really irregular weights, losing 10kg in a week isn't an uncommon thing.

Someone possessing even half of Ifrit's capabilities would need to eat 3x that of a regular human of the same height and weight. Mages are literally Shaggy from Scooby Doo lol. And that's only to get the bare minimum their body needs, caloric need becomes much bigger if they're active like Ifrit is. So you'll find that many mages, but especially military ones, are underweight and need to regularly get Iv fluids and nutrients to help their body recover from using magic. They also need to eat a lot of highly caloric food, which isn't easy when one of the most common side effects of magic use is puking your guts up.

Most military mages don't reach 30. The average life expectancy is around 25, with active duty (i.e. constant missions and daily magic use) mages lasting on average 3-4 years before their body basically breaks down, but they can last longer depending on how conservatively they use magic.

Now, knowing all that, Ifrit has been actively using strong magic on par with military mages since they were 14-15 years old and while they're not the healthiest, they're healthy as a horse when compared to most mages. The reason behind their continued survival — their mage marks.

[lpsotd]

important announcement part 2: electric boogaloo

greetings tumblr! i haven't made an original post in (i believe) over a month, and i actually didn't plan on making an announcement about my absence at all, for no real reason honestly, i just didn't want to. however, i think i'm correct to assume there's at least a handful of people who have been my curious about my absence, or perhaps wondering why they've noticed a lack of daily littlest pet shops on their dashboard.

this post is going to be long, personal, and serious. i'm going to be talking about myself, my life at the moment, and what i'm going to be doing moving forward.

you can read everything under the cut. i'm providing trigger warnings for suicide and familial death. the first half of this post is where the warnings apply, the other half is about what i'll be doing with this blog and also relates to my internet presence in general.

the latter half of the month of september was extremely taxing on my mental health, the main reason for my mental decline is not something i'm going to touch on here, as it's too personal and there's no reason for me to air out my private business on tumblr.com of all places. all you need to know is that during late september, i was at my worst. i had been trying to push through and continue my life as normal despite the constant turmoil i was in, and i never had the motivation to do anything with myself besides taking a shower, and even then i was rather neglectful of my hygiene. i had plenty of support from those close to me. my mom in particular did her absolute best to make sure i was comfortable and felt loved and cared for, and i did feel that way. however, at this point in my life i was a ticking time bomb and i don't think any one person would've been able to cut any cords to put a stop to the timer.

on september 26th at around 1:45pm, i made an attempt on my life. i'm not sure what it was about that day in particular, but it was then that i decided i didn't want to deal with anything anymore. fortunately for me, i was stupid enough to post what was essentially a suicide note to my main tumblr blog, which friends of mine took notice of. this, of course, worried people and one of my friends called the police to my house. long story short, i spent a day in the hospital and was sent to a psychiatric hospital the following afternoon.

i was in the psychiatric hospital for little less than a week, and if i were to detail my experience here it would make this post at least 3x longer than i intend it to be. (and i do plan on dedicating a large post to it someday) in short, it was an eye-opening experience and i left with a better view on myself as a person. i was discharged on october 3rd and i'm currently in therapy and looking for other methods to help myself.

the doctor at the psychiatric hospital diagnosed me with adjustment disorder with depressed mood, although i'm made to believe i have borderline personality disorder as i get unhealthily attached to people and my entire mood depends on how they interact with me. due to this belief, i'm hesitant to get too close to people because i don't want to risk becoming emotionally attached/dependent on one (1) sole person and my entire mental wellbeing collapsing due to something like us parting ways. so at this moment i'm not sure if i'll ever be able to pursue a romantic relationship.

for the week i've been home, i've been trying to readjust to normal life again after becoming used to the static routine present in the psychiatric hospital. i've found myself becoming easily irritated and overwhelmed by even the slightest bit of noise in my home because the hospital was always so quiet and calm. i'm unsure if this irritability will go away as i become re-accustomed to the semi-chaotic nature of my home.

on top of all of this, my grandfather passed away yesterday and, as of writing this, i'm in a state of emotional numbness and i've somewhat disassociated from the situation. as it stands currently, life doesn't feel too real and i'm uncertain of how i'm going to deal with this when my emotions finally come to the surface.

that's it for the depressing portion of this post. everything from here will be pertaining to the state of this blog, what i'm going to be doing with it, and also my presence on other social medias among other things.

for the past three or so months i haven't felt very compelled to post to this blog. when i went on hiatus a while ago, i thought time away from this blog would reignite my passion for it and i'd be able to come back and do things like i used to. and while that was the case for a while, i quickly lost interest again and sometime in mid-late july i let my queued posts do everything and i barely posted or reblogged anything aside from gofundmes.

while littlest pet shop is still one of my special interests, i'm no longer as fixated on it as i was when i first started this blog. i once debated turning this blog into a catchall for my toy interest and no longer posting daily lps, however that idea no longer appeals to me and i think i'm going to be calling it quits for this blog.

i'm not happy about this decision, but i no longer get joy from logging on and posting to this blog anymore.

i find it foolish to delete this blog and never use it again, though. i still have over eight thousand followers and i believe i should use that to share and bring awareness to donation posts. so this blog will not be going anywhere.

if you want to follow me elsewhere, my main blog is @joplinspiderz and my art blog is @mushyspiderz. i'm trying to put more focus on my presence in art spaces, as i want to get attention for my art and earn money doing things like commissions, as i'm looking for other sources of income so that i can pay for things i need and can stop feeling like a freeloader in my mother's house (that is half of a joke. but i do really want to help my mom with her bills and such as well as my personal things.)

i also have an instagram, threads, and twitter where i will be posting my art as well. the audience i want for my art is people in my age range (18 and older) as i tend to draw things and characters that are suggestive/sexual in nature. all three socials are currently bare (that will change, of course.) the handle for my instagram/threads is joplinspiderz and my twitter is mushyspiderz.

the person i have been portraying on this blog has been a somewhat sanitized version of who i actually am, as i wanted to create a safe and comfortable space for those who age regress because i noticed a good chunk of the people interacting with my posts were age regressers. i'm 18 years old and i enjoy consuming media that is sexual in nature as well as horror movies. i like to include sexual themes in my artwork and my writing as well. you will not find anything outright pornographic on my socials, however sometime in the future when/if i'm able to, i would like to create a patreon where i post nsfw locked behind a paywall (profiting off of horny fools sounds like so much fun /silly)

i sincerely thank everyone who followed this silly little blog of mine and interacted with me. the littlest pet shop community is one of the best fandoms i've been apart of, everyone i've met and spoken to has been so kind. running this blog was also the reason i encountered two people who i consider to be some of my closest and best friends. if i didn't create this blog i'm not sure if i would've met them.

i've always felt joy when opening my inbox here and seeing messages from people who say things like littlest pet shop was a part of their childhood, and that my blog brought them back to their childhood and made them happy. i'm so very glad i was able to give people a sense of joy and nostalgia. running this blog has been a big part of me getting over being seen as "weird" or "cringe" by societal standards. i embrace being seen as "cringe" and i have my rare lps on full display in my bedroom.

again, i thank everyone who followed me here, and if you wish to support me you can follow any of my social medias where i will be posting my artwork. i will be logging on here every so often to boost palestinian gofundmes and donation posts, and i encourage everyone who comes across those to share as well.

that's all for now, farewell. 🩷

[macgyvermedical]

What type of diet and/or exercise regimen would you recommend for a trans dude working to build a more muscular and masculine figure?

Different things work for different people, but personally I used Nerd Fitness, which was different 10 years ago when I started it, and personally I like the original NF better than the current one.

So here's a brief overview:

Bodyweight circuits for exercise. Do these about 3x per week. Look up videos on youtube for anything you don't know how to do:

Warm up by doing some active stretching that works every body part you plan to use during your workout. This can include arm circles, monster kicks, front bends, cat/cows, butt kicks, anything that stretches you with movement. Try to avoid a warm up that has you doing static stretching (stretching without moving the body part in question).

Then once you feel nice and warmed up,

5 Push ups (if you can't do a push up, do knee push ups or chair push ups, or wall push ups, and work your way up to standard push ups)

10 Squats (hold onto a chair for balance if you need to)

5 Sit ups (use an exercise ball if you need to)

5 Lunges each side (hold onto a chair if you need to)

10-Second plank (if you can't do a standard plank for 10 seconds, do a knee plank)

15 Jumping jacks

Take as long as you need to do these exercises, and pause for a break/go on to the next exercise if your form starts to slip. Try to keep breaks to less than a minute. It is better to do 5 wall push ups well than 1 standard push up badly.

If you haven't exercised in a while, try doing this 1x through for three times the first week, 2x through for three times the second week, and 3x through for three times the third week, and then start increasing the number of each exercise you are able to do for subsequent weeks. For example, try 7 push ups/12 squats/7 sit ups/etc... per circuit. Adjust to your needs and always strive to do a little more each week.

Once you're done with the workout part, cool down with static stretches of any muscle you used during the workout.

For diet, I did a modified paleo diet. The following is a good shopping list for 1 week (back in 2017 this was a $5/day shopping list, but it definitely costs more now).

Protein:

Eggs- 2 dozen

Meat- 2lbs of either chicken breast, stew meat, or sausage

Tuna: 2 cans, packed in water

Vegetables:

Sale veggie- 2 pkg

Cauliflower- 1 large

Broccoli- 1 bag

Stewed tomatoes- 2 cans

3lb Onions- (every other week)

3lb Sweet potatoes

10lb Russet potatoes- (once per month)

Fruits:

Sale fruit- 2 or 3 pkg

Canister Prunes or Raisins

Frozen fruit of choice

Nuts:

Whole raw almonds- 1pkg

Other:

Dark Chocolate- 1 large bar

Tea- 100 tea bags (once in a blue moon)

Instant Coffee- 120 cups worth (once in a blue moon)

Olive or sunflower seed oil- (once per month or so)

Salt- one large canister iodized or box kosher, (literally once per lifetime)

Condiments (I excepted these from paleo rules for my own sanity) mayo, ketchup, pickles, mustard, etc…- (once in a blue moon)

Dried spices- (once in a blue moon)

Vinegar of choice- (once per month or longer, depending on how much you like vinegar)

Bouillon cubes- (once in a blue moon)

Meal Prep Tips:

Boil most of the eggs, leave a couple for if you like fried eggs occasionally or want to make banana-egg pancakes. You can easily take boiled eggs in a lunchbox or eat them with prunes or raisins for a quick breakfast.

The prunes/raisins and almonds were and still are my go-to easy breakfast.

Grate the cauliflower- steam it with salt, oil and spices as a side later or mix it with the crumbled sausage for a 1-bowl meal

Cook the sweet potatoes and regular potatoes ahead of time. There are lots of ways to do this and they are all delicious. They are also easy to pack in a lunch box.

Hard veggies like carrots, cauliflower, sweet potatoes, and broccoli are AMAZING when tossed in olive oil, salt, and spices and roasted or broiled.

Cook and pull the chicken (easiest in a pressure cooker but you can also boil the crap out of it too). Makes it super versatile. You can make like 10 different things with it and they will all feel different. No more plain chicken boob for you!

Stew with the stew meat, any veggies (including onions and potatoes) and spices will give you many easy future meals and can be made with just about anything you’ve got (throw the stewed tomatoes in this too).

Tuna salad (with oil and vinegar and spices if you’re really feeling paleo or mayo, onions and pickles if you’re me) and leftover roasted veggies make a great lunch.

[novashelby]

Little Evie things that probably won't make it to the fanfic~(or will, but just elaborated)

Part I

TW: There are mentions of abuse(all) and a tough childhood.

Evie doesn't know who her biological father is, but there was a man when she was little that would go to her mother and give her money. He'd look at Evie, but would never say anything. Just hand over money and leave. She believes this man is her biological father, but her biological mother refuses to tell her.

Evie has a minor allergy to different types of fruit; strawberries, nectarines, peaches. She will break out on her cheeks in a red, itchy rash.

Because of her mother, she doesn't warm up to mother like figures very easily.

The first time Tommy left her with Polly, she hid in the closet. Polly sat on the floor on the other side and told her about Cinderella.

Tommy is the only person she 100% trusts. Even when she is married or with another man, she will always love her father 10x more(not in a weird way). She is genuinely scared for when he dies and she no longer has him.

Though they bicker like siblings, Evie tells Finn everything. When Evie's first boyfriend broke up with her, he was the one to comfort her and hold her. Though he betrayed the family, Evie still loves Finn very much. She secretly checks up on him from time to time.

She loves Uncle Arthur and Uncle very much, but for two different reasons. Uncle Arthur covers for her when Tommy doesn't want to let her out. Uncle John picks her up from parties shes not suppose to be at.

John and Esme are her godparents. Despite being Catholic her whole life and Tommy being an Atheist, she had to go through the whole Baptism and communion process again. Tommy wanted to forget about it, but Polly wouldn't let him. Evie is actually very religious in the sense she prays a lot.

Though, Polly is next in line if anything were to happen to Tommy. If not Polly, Ada.

When she was with her biological mother, she would ask God every day to give her a set of wings like an angel so she could fly wherever she wanted. When she was five, she made some from paper, but her mother used them for the fire.

If Cindy(her biomom) was born today, she would be diagnosed with bipolar 1 and BPD and narcissistic personality disorder.

Her maternal grandparents actually have money. They were a well off family in Boston, but Cindy kept running from home for no reason. She is of Irish descent. It is speculated that Evie is half Irish-half Italian.

Unknown to Evie, there was a man who did come forth to Tommy about Evie. But Tommy said the adoption was closed and that Evie didn't need anymore confusion in her life. They did cross paths once when Evie went to the Garrison after school to give Tommy a school paper. She asked who that man was, but Tommy said it a work friend.

Her maternal grandparents attempted to reach out, but Tommy denied them as well. They came to England, and only Polly was home at the time. Unknown to Tommy, Polly gave them a photo of Evie. It was a copy of her school portrait from when she was 11. At the time, Evie was 16.

Some time before Grace was shot, Evie went to the shops for sweets. She was a pence short. There was a man behind her in line and he gave her the pence. It was Luca Changretta

Despite being bubbly and happy, Evie struggles a lot of the inside and has chronic panic attacks. Only two people can calm her down; Tommy and Finn.

Evie is the 'biggest' girl in her class, weight wise. She struggles a lot inward with her confidence. When she was 14, the brother class(boys in the same grade at the boys school) at St. Michael's ranked all 8 girls by prettiness. Evie was number 8. That hurt Tommy more than anything and unknown to anyone, he cried in his office at his daughter's pain.

If born today, Evie would be diagnosed with ADHD and dyscalculia.

Peter Novak, Evie's first long-term boyfriend, asked Tommy 3x before he agreed to let him take Evie out. Tommy liked Peter the first time he walked into his office. Just wanted to see how serious the boy was.

Actually, the whole Shelby family really loved Peter. Even after they broke up, he'd be invited to family functions.

When Grace died, she cuddled Charlie to sleep every night for months. When Ruby died, she held Lizzie to sleep.

She would braid Ruby's hair every day.

Every single morning before school, she would hug and kiss Tommy on the cheek and say, "I love you, Daddy". The day she didn't and just said, "Bye, dad, I have to go to school..." He paused, feeling his heart sink. He quickly got up and ran to the door, calling her back in the house. "Oi, what the fuck was that?!" After that, she never called him dad. It was always daddy.

She hit Finn three times with a car. Once, when she was 10 and fooling around behind the wheel. The car rolled forward and bumped him. Once, Uncle Arthur was trying to teach her how to drive and he was telling her back up, but she rushed forward and hit him. Arthur simply got up and said, "Eh, you're fine, Finn...get up!" The time she backed up into him.

She's also whacked everyone's car at least once. Every time Evie drives to a family function, they give her a designated spot away from everyone's car. They either make sure to leave before her or wait 30 minutes after she leaves to avoid being on the same road.

The only reason she got her license is because the instructor fell asleep. No one was happy that day.

When Tommy was afraid of his tumor diagnosis, he wanted to marry Evie off. There was Gypsy boy named Elias, but Isaiah stepped forward instead.

When Evie learned that Martha's(her best friend) first boy was hitting her, she told her Uncle John and together, they drove to the boy's house and smashed the family car.

Evie is a sore loser when it comes to games.

John's wedding was Evie's first family function.

Esme taught Evie how to take care of her curly hair and do her make up.

She has lived in 3 countries; US(Boston), England(London, Liverpool, Birmingham), and France(Paris).

It was a French whore that taught Evie how to dance when she was six.

Tommy first saw Evie when she was in his stable trying to pet his horses. He fell in love with her right there. When she saw where she lived, he took her home-no questions asked. Her adoption was easy. He paid Cindy ten pounds and gave her a ferry ticket to Amsterdam. She signed the papers and Evie was his.

Tommy teaches her one word in Romani every day.

Tommy's favorite photo of her is her first school portrait when she was 8 years old. She has a wide smile. That morning the photo was taken, she lost her second front tooth.

Evie doesn't know her actual birthday, but it's estimated early-mid October.

Evie's gotcha day is September 3rd, 1918.

Evie always looked young for her age. She never reached above 5ft. and her face stayed babyish until middle-aged. However, she was always developed which made her very self-conscious. When she was 14, there was an older man who made a comment to Tommy(not aware that he was her father) in regards to Evie's body. Tommy silently looked at him before punching him.

Mother Superior(Catholic school headmistress) called Tommy once when Evie was 13 to talk about her school blouses. They fit fine and covered her, but she just had more breasts than the other girls. She told Tommy it would be wise and more comfortable if Evie wore a sweater vest over her blouse. "It would be more comfortable for the male teachers." Tommy responded, "if you are worried about an adult male being distracted by my 13 year old daughter's breasts, I advise you to hire new teachers."

She was sexually assaulted by a group of older boys when she was fifteen. She never told Tommy, but she told Finn and Isaiah. Isaiah the next day went into their class while the teacher was teaching and beat the shit out of one.

[juliasgoodusername]

Ley Lines Map for All the Gansey-core Girlies

Have you ever wished there was an interactive map that not only graphs the ley lines described in TRC, but also has layers full of possible spiritual points, arranged in loose categories and sloppily curated by sheer force of mental illness?? Okay baby here you go:

FAQ under the cut 😘

Was this necessary?

Genuinely it was not. My investigations uncovered that Maggie Stiefvater does not really care about geography, nor does she remain consistent about the ley lines, so I can't even really say that it's book-accurate.

Example 1 - There are multiple understandings of ley lines. Some are circles, patterns, connect the dots, etc. but TRC goes with the definition of "perfectly straight" lines "that crisscross the globe" (The Raven Boys Chapter 2, Chapter 15). One of the big three lines connects Boston to St. Louis (The Raven Boys Chapter 22). And the main line also passes through Boston (see example #2)! But half of all the Pynch drama in Call Down the Hawk specifically blames Boston/Harvard for not being on the ley line. Hello?? It's on TWO of them!

Example 2 - Maggie makes it clear that the connection between D.C. and New York, which also connects to the UK and Pilot Mountain, is the main line that Glendower's squad traveled on (The Raven Boys Chapter 7, Chapter 22). The weird part is how after defining this line, all of Adam's ley line adventures place it directly along the Shenandoah National Park/Blue Ridge Mountains (Blue Lily, Lily Blue Chapter 2 + many other quotes I don't feel like looking up). There's no way to connect the DC-Pilot Mt line to Shenandoah, but I can totally see how Maggie Stiefvater would think it connects when looking at a flat map.

So yeah. It doesn't really matter, but thanks to my research we can CONFIRM that it doesn't really matter. You're welcome.

So why did you make this?

For fun...it wasn't exactly worth it. But by sharing it with y'all, hopefully no one else will make the same mistake.

What about line #3?

The third line never has specific connection points in the books so I basically made it up :) but I narrowed it down to 2 candidates, with my chosen line based on Ronan's mention of the "Pando thing" in Greywaren's epilogue.

How did you decide on/find points?

Honestly it was a lot of vibes. You can read in the description of the map how I started from certain resources, like all the stuff in the books, and other people's Google maps. My big discovery was realizing that UNESCO World Heritage Sites covered a lot of territory between history and nature, but before that I was literally googling things like "strange places Kentucky" and pouring through articles. If a place seemed weird and magical, I added it.

Yes this took forever. Easily 3x as long as the 300 Fox Way floorplan, if not longer.

Is this map complete?

I had other ideas for things I should add to it but I got tired, so nah.

You've put down everything from urban legends to alien sightings, but why don't I see many hauntings on the map?

Blatant author bias; I firmly don't believe in famously haunted houses! The vast majority of "haunted" places operate as tourist attractions, so if I took them at their word I'd have to also log Disney World for being the most magical place on earth, wouldn't I? Also Re: I got tired.

Can I copy this map / add to it / use it for reference?

Please please please please

I found a typo

I bet you did! I'm not even proof reading this post bestie.

[ottiliere]

Im in love with how vinyl and celofane-covered items look in the cameday house. expecially on pages 9 and 16, it really adds to the mood of the story. Everything outside has an almost dissasociative quality in how nonconforming it is- stunning!

Other than that, the added touch of detail on lynn's face, whilst cam has more blunt shadows, is very interesting. Where lynn needs some definite lines to show his nose, eyebrows, etc-,, cam with his smuppet nose and lemon eyes doesnt really need much more detailing. The nuance of the shading and facial expressions is such a nessisary detail in works like this, and I'd say its masterfully done <3

thank you very much 🙂 we have had many discussions on how to bring in assets and we decided we wanted a more "fuzzy" quality to them in contrast with how we've observed people usually incorporate assets into their projects (sharper/aliased, like homestuck) specifically because it gives more of a nebulous feel to the scene & clashes a bit with the sharper blocks of color that make up the characters/drawn environment. the shading/detail of their bodies+faces is something we have similarly routinely discussed and I'm a bit touched it was noticed so quickly... it's part of what we were going for! unfortunately however, for this reason lynn typically takes 2-3x as long to draw than cam... i can bust final pics of cam for the book out in under 15 minutes while a Lynn can take 45min-2 hrs depending on the size. time efficiency=📉

side note: funnily enough cam's nose was not based on smuppets. it was originally much more squat and triangular but after drawing him over and over it just continued to elongate. we've finished the drafts/art of each page of phase 2 as of this weekend and even now when I look back at the cams in phase 1 his nose looks too shortly awkward... here are some of my initial cam sketches before we started working on tgc proper (about a year old now...?) vs. some cams from p2 for contrast:

[iffeelscouldkill]

Lost in a Familiar Place pt. 7 (of 7!)

(Aka the ‘Nicholas never applied to Kings Row’ AU)

In which Harvard finds Aiden, Nicholas gets a visitor, and things are set in motion.

Previous chapters: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6

A/N: I know I've traditionally serialised this fic on Tumblr first and then posted it later to AO3, but this chapter will be different. This is because this chapter is a bit (a bit) spicier than normal and I don't trust Tumblr at all, given that I'm pretty sure the reason part 4 wasn't visible in the Fence tag is that I used a word that rhymes with "corny" (and starts with an H) in the tags.

So, I'm posting the first part on Tumblr, and then the rest can be read on AO3. It's also longer than normal chapters (almost 3x as long!), so I think the reading experience will be a bit better on AO3 anyway. It's already up on AO3, so you can also go straight there if you prefer!

Harvard tore across the darkened Kings Row campus – and then stopped abruptly. He suddenly had a feeling that Aiden wouldn’t be waiting for him back at their dorm room. It wasn’t really Aiden’s style to sit around twiddling his thumbs; it also wasn’t like Aiden to make things easy for him.

So, Harvard would need to find him.

Harvard thought about the places in the school that they liked to go together. After more than three years at Kings Row, there were quite a few, although (he thought with a guilty pang) he wasn’t sure when they’d last frequented one of their old hideouts.

He considered, and dismissed, the fencing clubhouse – they’d had a lot of fun times there, but only as part of a bigger group. There were some good trees on the grounds that he and Aiden had challenged each other to climb, but that didn’t really seem practical. But wait– climbing–

It sparked a sudden memory, of being fifteen and gangly and laughing as he followed Aiden up a narrow, rusting fire escape bolted to the corner of the Music and Drama building. The building itself had a sloping roof that didn’t look climbable, but if you were intrepid enough to try, you could scramble up the fire escape and then wriggle onto a nearby ledge, and from there you suddenly found yourself in reach of a flat rooftop area that was almost completely concealed from the ground.

Harvard knew it was where Aiden would be.

He had more co-ordination now than he had done at fifteen, but also more bulk, and the fire escape creaked ominously as he hauled himself up. Harvard held as much tension as he could in his core and moved as smoothly and quietly as possible. If not for the fact that he wanted to keep this spot a secret, he’d assign it to new team members as a fitness challenge. Up to the top, and he saw the ledge now – wow, it was further away than he remembered. How had they done this?

He stretched, grasped the ledge, flailed and kicked a bit against the wall and then he was up, with only slightly scraped palms to show for it. He edged along it, crouching slightly to keep his centre of gravity low, and also to hide the movement from the ground. Helpfully, no-one was stirring on the campus at this hour. Harvard carefully straightened up as he came into sight of the flat rooftop – and the figure sitting at the far edge, shoulders slightly hunched, facing away from him.

Harvard would have liked to climb gracefully up onto the rooftop, maybe attracting Aiden’s attention with a slight sound, or maybe he’d wait until he was standing there and then say, “Aiden–” urgently, and then Aiden would turn and see him–

Instead, he scuffed his knee as he scrambled up onto the rooftop and flopped inelegantly onto the surface with a little “oof” noise. When he managed to get up, Aiden was staring at him like he hadn’t expected Harvard to actually be there.

“That was a lot easier when we were fifteen,” Harvard said dryly, dusting his hands off. Aiden gave a tiny grin, climbing to his feet.

“Speak for yourself,” he said, and then the smile faded. “So…”

“I figured it out,” Harvard blurted out, quickly, before he could overthink it. “About what you meant when you said – I mean, I figured out-”

Crap, he was already overthinking it. Harvard started again. “When you told me you joined the team because of me – that you started to love fencing because I love it – I was really surprised, because I didn’t think that you felt that way too. Us fencing together means a lot to me, Aiden. It always has done.”

“Just fencing?” Aiden asked, his tone brittle. Harvard shook his head quickly.

“Let me finish. Look, I was – mad at you, because it felt like you’d stopped caring about something that was really important to both of us, or at least, you didn’t care enough to really show up for it. You’d pulled away, and I didn’t get why. Then I realised that it’s something you do when you actually do care about something, but you want to protect yourself.”

He took a step towards Aiden on the rooftop. Aiden looked a bit panicked, like he was considering fleeing from Harvard and this conversation, and Harvard knew he had to get to the good part quickly, before Aiden pulled away again.

“Do you remember when we fenced against each other during the team try-outs?” he said. “And I said… uh… We were joking around, and I said, ‘I miss this you?’”

Aiden nodded, a blush creeping down his neck. Not many people knew that Aiden blushed that way when he was caught off-guard (Harvard wasn’t completely sure that Aiden knew it). He felt like his own face was aflame, although mercifully it was too dark for it to be visible.

“I thought I’d misheard you,” Aiden admitted.

“You didn’t mishear,” Harvard told him. “I guess I was – starting to realise something, subconsciously, that I’ve felt for a long time. It shouldn’t have taken me this long to put the pieces together.” He gave a lopsided, self-deprecating smile.

“I… I was thinking about how you are when we fence together – it’s like I get to see a side of you that no-one else gets to see. I’ve always seen that side of you, but I thought it was just because we were best friends, and now I’m realising maybe it’s… something else. Or maybe it is because of that, but I want it to be something more.” Harvard was babbling a little bit, but fortunately, it didn’t matter, because Aiden was looking at him like he was saying amazing.

“Aiden, I really like you,” he said, and then laughed a little at himself. Why had he taken such a long time to say something so simple? “Uh. Yeah.”

Aiden gave a shaky laugh, and took a half-step towards Harvard. “Just to be clear,” he said, slowly. “You mean that in a more-than-friends way. Right?”

“Yes. Definitely,” Harvard said. Even though it had only been ten minutes since his revelation, it felt like he’d known this whole time. The feelings had crept up on him so gradually that he hadn’t realised what they were until Aiden had all but laid things out for him.

But Aiden had been self-aware enough to know what he was feeling. And that, Harvard was sure, was what had freaked him out. “I really, really do.”

Aiden’s breath whooshed out of him all at once. “Oh, thank god,” he said. With two steps, he’d closed the remaining distance between them.

“Do you-” Harvard began, but that was as far as he got before Aiden kissed him.

(Okay, Harvard had been pretty sure, but it was nice to have confirmation).

Harvard breathed in through his nose, inhaling soap and the cocktail of hair products Aiden used daily (it probably said a lot that the scent had become something like ‘home’ for him), and tilted his head to press more firmly into the kiss.

He’d never kissed a guy before, but the basic principles were all the same: reaching out to tuck golden strands behind Aiden’s ear, cupping the side of his face with one hand, exploring the shape of his mouth. Aiden made these little humming noises of pleasure that Harvard didn’t think his best friend was consciously aware of.

Harvard had been expecting Aiden to have – moves, maybe, born of his much more extensive experience, but he seemed content to let Harvard take the lead. Not that he was tentative about it – no, Aiden kissed like he knew he was a fantastic kisser, and well, he was. But Harvard felt as though Aiden was holding something back, enough that he broke the kiss to say, “Are you okay doing this out here? We can move inside if you want–”

Aiden smirked at him. “I’m not shy about this sort of thing, in case you didn’t know. Besides, we’re really well-hidden up here.”

“Okay,” Harvard said, reassured. “You just seem like you’re… waiting for something.”

Aiden looked away, flushing down his neck again. “No, I just thought– well, I wanted to see what you liked, first. And I figured you’d want to take it slow.”

A smile spread across Harvard’s face, first because the consideration was sweet. But secondly, because he felt like Aiden had, for once, mischaracterised him a little. Oh, Harvard would never rush anyone into anything, and he tried to be a receptive and respectful partner. But his past romantic partners had all liked it when he showed enthusiasm, and Harvard had always been happy to oblige.

“I think we’ve been taking it slow for a while now,” he replied. “So, as long as you’re on board with moving ahead…” Harvard fitted his hand again to the side of Aiden’s face, running a thumb along that sharp cheekbone, but he waited until Aiden had given a nod before leaning in to kiss him again.

Harvard had one move, but it was a pretty good one, so he used it now, moving a hand down to the small of Aiden’s back and applying pressure. Aiden raised his eyebrows at Harvard but allowed himself to be dipped backwards and then lowered down onto the rooftop (which was smooth tarmac and not uncomfortable, though there were a few leaves on it at this time of year). Harvard braced himself on his hands and leaned over Aiden. “How’s this?”

For a few incredible seconds, Aiden seemed lost for words, running his tongue over his bottom lip and staring up at Harvard. Then he came back to himself. “No complaints at all,” he said, one side of his mouth quirking up. “Let me just–”

Aiden was wearing a light jacket, and he reached up to his throat and unzipped it, letting the material puddle around him. With one hand, he balled it up and then tucked it behind his head. “That’s comfier,” he said, smirking up at Harvard. He was wearing a thin white shirt underneath, which in typical fashion was unbuttoned so that a deep V of pale skin was visible. It was Harvard’s turn to stare. Aiden’s blond hair was messy, wisps escaping from his ponytail and curling around his ears. Shadows played about his face, sharpening his smirk and giving his green eyes an almost otherworldly intensity. He looked like a siren who lured men to their doom on a rocky island. Harvard was a goner; always had been a goner.

Aiden arched his head back ever so slightly under Harvard’s gaze. “Like what you see?”

Harvard shook himself. “You know I do,” he said, his voice sounding uncharacteristically rough, and Aiden’s eyes widened and then darkened. “But–” practicality was winning out, still– “won’t you be cold?”

Aiden visibly rolled his eyes. “That’s the last thing I’ll be. Now get down here-” He fisted his hands in Harvard’s shirt to pull him down, and when that didn’t happen fast enough, used his legs to hook around Harvard’s waist.

“Okay, okay, hnghhh– Jesus. Okay-”

Continue reading on AO3

[empressofmankind]

BEGGARS SHAN'T BE CHOOSERS - Part I

[Crocodile x F!OC]

SFW

(A/N) Better known as the 'Impel Down' fic, I kept mentioning the past two weeks. This is Part One. Of five? Of ten? I've given up. The total draft was > 12k. So, I split it in 3x 4k. And then, I noticed today the 'first part' had grown to >7k. So, I've split it again. I have a clear end in mind, but how long it'll take me to get there...

Originally, this fic was meant to focus around Buggy, but then a 2.53m unit of absolute bullshit got in the way. Shivs and her world class plans, good gods. Post-Alabaste, the mens are stuck in Impel Down. Shivs is dead set on springing the clown from prison. However, she'll first need to figure out where they're keeping him. On account of his devil fruit powers, she suspects level 6. And she has an excellent alibi to demand visitation to level 6. For once, the legal quagmire of technically still being married to Crocodile is going to work for her. Right? RIGHT??

In this first part, we'll join Shivs and Benji (and Mani!) as they get ready to, and make their way for, Impel Down. That's it, that's all that happens, and it took me near 4k. I am so long-winded. It's a terminal condition, I know.

Tag(s): Considering this is the entré, there isn't actually much to tag for? There's fluff and humour. There's a 10-year-old running around saying the absolute funniest shit as things go straight over her head. We got Mani the scaly golden retriever Bananawani along? Oh, and one (1) good marine.

🐊 🐊 🐊 

Beggars Shan't Be Choosers - Part I

“They're stupid clothes,” Benji said, her brow wrinkling with petulant annoyance. She was wearing a crispy white dress shirt, a green-on-ochre striped vest and grey slacks. She'd refused a dress of any sort. Her flame orange hair was neatly brushed and her small face wasn't covered in grease paint for once.

“I think you look handsome,” Shivs said as she pinned her own red hair up with a two-pronged kanzashi fashioned with golden lotuses whose inlaid blue diamonds had not seen the light of day in years.

“I look stupid.”

“Look. I am not comfortable in my clothes either,” Shivs said and indicated the mid-thigh sheath dress of black lace on dark grey broadcloth she wore. She'd decided on sheer stockings to go with it, but no gloves. 

“You look pretty in them.”

Shivs turned back to the mirror to finish pinning her hair and adjusting her bangs to fall neatly from under the strings of her eyepatch. “That is the idea, yes.”

Benji put her hands in her pockets, kicking her foot, making squeaky noises against the deck boards. “What am I supposed to look like? I don't want to be pretty.”

“You are supposed to look like the most capable and well-behaved child to ever grace the Blue.” Shivs pinched her cheek, gilt bangles jangling. “And you do when you don't stand with your hands wearing out your pockets like that.”

Benji took her hands out of her pockets. They idled a moment, undecided, but then she clasped them behind her back. “Your neck looks naked.” 

Shivs laughed at that because the bateau neckline of the dress could certainly use something. “Yours too.”

She plucked one of Buggy's patterned neck scarves from a drawer and tied it around her daughter's neck, tucking the ends into the vest. “There.”

“You should wear a pretty necklace,” Benji said, though her eyes were on the scarf. She seemed to like that, at least.

Shivs didn't have all that many necklaces conventionally considered ‘nice’. Going through the few she had in her thoughts, she picked up her modest jewellery box. Then paused as her gaze lingered on the bottom drawer of her vanity. Maybe she should… She pulled the drawer open and reached among clothes she rarely wore, patting around until she found the old music box.

Its silver had blackened with age and negligence, but even so, its delicate engravings of waves and tall ships were fine. If she polished it now, the oxidation remaining in the fine creases would help pick out its details better than ever before. She didn’t, of course. And she didn’t open the lid either. She couldn’t remember if it was wound up, and didn’t want to hear its melody if it was.

Instead, she held it with both hands and turned its engraved body as if removing a lid from a jar. With a click, the top section came off. Within the tiny compartment revealed lay a small, gold hoop with a bent hinge. She’d long since let the earlobe puncture it used to occupy close. Taking a thin string from her jewellery box, she suspended it from that instead.

“Like so?” Shivs asked, drawing Benji’s attention as she fastened it around her neck.

“Don’t you have anything sparklier, like your hair thing?”

Shivs brushed the kanzashi. Though the era of having such things aplenty was long behind her, she was loath to detract from the last one that remained to her with lesser gems. Besides, he’d notice.

“Sadly, no.”

“Oh?” Benji gave her the thumbs up. “Gold is pretty too, I guess!”

Part of the reason she’d picked it was that it was 24-carat gold. Just like the kanzashi.

“Can I do your makeup?”

“Only if you do not turn me into a clown,” Shivs said as she sat down at her vanity so the girl could reach her face. Benji grinned and set to work.

When Benji declared she was done, Shivs turned to the mirror and had to admit the little girl was now officially better at this than her. She’d gone for a dark burgundy smokey eye with a flawlessly thin line of gold right at the root of her eyelashes and a touch of white on the waterline. It made the hazel of her good eye pop like nobody’s business. She was pretty sure the dark red lipstick was Buggy’s favourite to use himself.

“I like it,” Shivs said and Benji beamed. “Now, I just need shoes.”

“I'll fetch some!” 

Benji was up and running out of the cabin before Shivs could protest. It was only a few minutes before the girl returned, clutching shoes in her arms. And not just any shoes, either. She held up gold-tinted, faux leather gladiator sandals with six-inch stiletto heels that would be a trick and a half to walk on. Where had she even found those?

“These will look awesome with your hair thing and necklace!”

She didn’t disagree as she put them on, but hoped the floors of Impel Down would be neatly packed concrete and nothing else. She hadn’t walked on heels like these in half a decade. Throwing a long bridge coat the rosy beige of dunes about her shoulders, she turned to the floor-length mirror.

Benji looked her up and down with the pinched expression of a critical, pint-sized costume designer grading their latest creation. “You look very pretty.”

Benji wasn’t wrong. She did look nice. Her mood sank, settling like an anchor in the pit of her stomach. She looked like his wife.

“Why is it OK to lie today?”

“It's not a lie.” Shivs shook the morose feeling and picked up her small black bag, its gilded chain rattling as she double checked its content. “More like, hm.”

“Make believe?”

“Yes. Yes, I suppose it is,” Shivs said as she snapped the bag closed and hung it from her shoulder. “It will be easier to convince them to let us visit if we look the way they’d expect.”

“Why would they let us visit uncle Crocodile? Aren’t those visits for, like, if you’re his mom or sister or baby or something?” Benji’s small face was filled with healthy scepticism, hands in her pockets once again. “We should pretend he’s my dad.”

Shivs flinched and struggled to keep her smile from faltering. “Well, only if we have to.”

“They’d have to be pretty bad people to stop a kid from visiting their father.” Benji took her hand. “I hope uncle Crocodile knows where dad is.”

“I am sure he knows.” Shivs gave Benji’s hand a squeeze. She’d no idea how she’d find out where Buggy was if Crocodile didn’t know. She couldn’t exactly demand that information on legal grounds like she had done with him. “Is Mani ready, too?”

“Yes! I scrubbed her squeaky clean and even picked her teeth and scales. She’s eaten and done a big poop.” Shivs tried to let the girl’s bubbly chatter lift her spirits. “I borrowed one of Richie’s sparkly collars and she looks flashy in it!”

“Sparkly? That sounds amazing.”

“It is! She likes sparkly things.”

“Let’s fetch her then and go before we are too late.”

Benji glanced up at her as they left the cabin. “How can we be late for an appointment we didn’t make?”

“We can be late for the only ship going there today.”

🐊 🐊 🐊 

Benji had wanted to stand upon the prow as the government ship approached the Gate of Justice out of Enbies Lobby, because the skipper had said the Tarai current that would see them to Impel Down was chock full of sea kings. Shivs sat on a deck chair with a glass of wine, watching the girl run back and forth with binoculars she’d weedled from a matelot. On account of the seastone laminated hull, she doubted they would see any. However, there was no need to dunk on her chipper mood.

They were not the only visitors, more had trickled aboard to form a modest but motley company on the deck. She’d caught snippets of conversations as they walked by: a mother visiting her son; a brother, his sister. And she had a good guess what some of them were whispering about as they stole glances her way. She’d neglected to list any details regarding who they’d be visiting, but, in hindsight, she supposed the pony-sized bananawani lounging beside her gave it away. 

She’d tied Mani’s rhinestone-infested lilac leash to her chair leg, to discourage the reptile from wandering or - worse - deciding to take a swim. Not that she had any illusion as to its ability to pull the chair straight from under her if it wanted to go. But Mani was a creature of habit and minimal effort. A minor inconvenience such as this would be enough to keep her snoozing on the deck.

“Spotted any big ones?” Shivs said when Benji came towards her for a sip of lychee ramune.

“Not yet.” Benji plopped down beside Mani, putting her skinny arm around her scaly neck as she slurped lemonade. “Did you know bananawani hunt sea kings?”

“Really?” 

Shivs remembered the way the casino halls would darken as they swam by, their shadows passing beyond the glass as they glided towards the feeding platform. The unwitting sea king never stood a chance.

“They are their only known predator and totally hunt them,” Benji babbled happily while enjoying her drink. Mani’s eyes were still closed, but she’d shifted to lean into the little girl’s petting. “Do you think sea king tastes good?”

The water would run red but only for a short while, only until the currents whisked it away. Theoretically, the creature could make it out for the Rainbase oasis connected to the Sandora river.

“I bet Mani would prefer sea king chow,” Shivs said.

“I don't think they sell that at the pet stores.” Benji pouted as she hugged Mani. “She won’t be able to have a sea king snack until she’s big enough to hunt them herself.”

Hopefully, that would take a while yet. Bananawani could grow to colossal sizes, dwarfing mid-class tall ships. Shivs had no idea what they were supposed to do with a fully grown one. Or how to afford feeding the beast if there was no prey for her to hunt on her own. Rain Dinners’ bananawani never hunted alone.

Benji emptied her bottle with a big, noisy slurp, waking Mani. “Maybe we should have brought something?”

“A deck would have been nice,” Shivs said as she watched them. “We could have played slapjack.”

“No, I mean, for uncle Crocodile?” 

Shivs flinched.

“You always say that it is nice to bring something when you visit someone. Especially if you want something from them in turn?” Benji scrunched up her face, rubbing Mani’s thick scaly neck. “I have, like, half a bag of marshmallows, but I didn’t think to bring them.”

“I have something for him, don’t worry about it.”

🐊 🐊 🐊 

Impel Down was a fortress as ugly as it was unimaginative. It spilled onto the rapidly approaching horizon as a grey stain overtaking the limitless freedom of the open sea. And as they drew near on the Tarai current, its squat towers and crenellated battlements came into ever sharper focus until they dominated their entire surroundings. Curiously, there were no cannon embrasures, machicolations or any such defences one might expect from a proper bastion. 

A fleet of warships rested at anchor along the approach to the underwater prison. The modest passenger ship they were on was dwarfed by the marine dreadnoughts they passed as the current pulled them inexorably towards the prison’s colossal gatehouse.

Benji had returned to the prow for the approach, and Shivs joined her there.

“It’s so huge!” Benji stared wide-eyed at the thick walls as they sailed under the barbican and into the secured harbour proper beyond. Mani sat beside her, holding her own leash.

“The vast majority of the complex is actually underwater.” Shivs counted the cannons peeking down at them through the embrasures, out of habit more than anything. She wondered if they had a standing firing crew to man them.

“Are we going underwater?” Benji hopped from one leg unto the other. “The Calm Belts are supposed to be full of Sea Kings! Maybe there will be a window, and I can see one? Maybe there will be wild Bananawani too!”

“It is a prison, so I don’t think there will be windows,” Shivs said in an attempt to calm the girl’s excitement and avoid utter disappointment if that turned out to be true. “It does reach quite a ways below the water surface. A few kilometres, perhaps? Yes, I think so.”

“Wow.” Turning to Mani, Benji added: “Let's find a window, I bet there will be wild Bananawani! You can say ‘hi’!”

Shivs took her by the shoulder when she saw the other visitors disembark. “Come, let’s not be late.”

Benji glanced up at her as they walked to the gangplank. “For the visit we didn-?”

“Don’t say that,” Shivs interrupted her with a quelling look.

“Right.” Benji smiled again and took Mani’s leash. “Come on Mani. Can’t be late!”

They were funnelled through the gatehouse and into a courtyard patrolled by marine sentries. Here, too, cannons peered through embrasures on all sides. Evidently, the prison was more concerned about threats to its security rising from within than without.

“Visitors for level 1 and 2 inmates, that way,” a young marine officer said as he gestured to a colleague. “Level 3 and up, with me.” The few people that joined them as they went to the marine officer gave the juvenile Bananawani plodding beside them a wide breadth. 

The officer led them up steps and into an wholly uninviting lobby. With its worn plaster walls and dirty grey linoleum floor it did its very best to make you want to leave as soon as possible. No seats, no plants, no windows, no nothing. 

“Registration check.” The marine officer motioned them towards the looming concrete counter on the other side of the unpleasant space. “In an orderly manner, gentlefolk.”

Benji put her arm around Mani, leaning into the large reptile and putting her nose against its scales as she eyed their casually hostile surroundings.

“What’s his name?” The marine officer’s tone was amiable, conversational.

“Hers!” Benji said, holding on tighter to the Bananawani.

He tried to catch her gaze with a smile. “Big girls, both of you.”

“Her name is Mani.”

“Ah, ‘she who averts harm’,” he said, and Shivs appreciated his attempts to make Benji feel comfortable. “A wise choice for such a hardy animal.”

“She’s very sweet and tough,” Benji agreed as she snuggled Mani. “I love her.”

“I am sure she loves you very much too.”

“What is your name?” Benji asked. “Mine is Benji!”

“Nice to meet you, Benji,” the young marine said. “Mine is Toby.”

By then it was their turn, and Shivs approached the desk. It was higher than such things normally were, for she was not a particularly short woman and yet she need not bend down to meet the registrar’s gaze.

���State your name and purpose?” the woman said, hands poised to take down the information.

“Figarland Seonaid. Conjugal visit,” Then added when she saw her transcribe it as ‘Sheona’: “That is without the H, and spelled with N-A-I-D.”

The registrar gave a sign of neither interest nor recognition. “Visiting?”

“Crocodile Niall.”

The woman paused when she heard that name. And Shivs ignored the whispers she could not quite catch from those behind her in line.

“Niall. N-I-A-L-L. Not ‘Nile’.”

The registrar flipped through a thick binder, finger running down a table packed with dense handwriting. “No visitation registered.”

“Preposterous,” Shivs said, overacting an affronted tone. “A signed request for visitation has been approved weeks ago.” 

“There is no record of it, ma'am.”

Benji let go of Mani to fling her arms around Shivs’ waist instead, and gave the registrar and marine officer her most watery of wobbly baby looks. “Mommy, I want to see daddy!”

Shivs rubbed her shoulder, giving the registrar the pleading look of parents the world across trying to desperately manage a child on the brink of wailing. Benji's little sob into the fabric of her dress was very convincing. Mani paced around them, uncertain but riled by the sudden change of mood.

“Can't you put in an expedited request?” Shivs suggested, trying her damndest to sound sincere. “She'd been looking forward to it, and we get so few chances.”

“No registration, no visitation,” the woman said as Benji took in a breath to start a wail.

Toby shook his head. “Let me see what I can do,” he said as he produced a small, earpiece Den Den Mushi and put the sea snail against his ear. A few transmissions later, he turned to the registrar and held up his hand. “Two visitor badges, please.”

With due reluctance the registrar handed them over to him and he turned to Benji. “There you go, kiddo,” he said as he gave her one, and then Shivs as well. “Courtesy of the vice-admiral making the curator see reason.”

“You're the best!” Benji beamed. “Look, mom, I am number 17! What is yours?”

Shivs looked at the scuffed 13 on the badge. It reminded her of a poker table she used to deal at, and the memory settled in the pit of her stomach like a fetch of cannon balls. “Not as high as yours, sweetie.”

“Come, I will see you two down to the right level,” Toby said, and led them to the elevator room beyond the lobby. There were four, two on the left and two on the right. He took them to the far right one, the doors opening as they approached.

“Awesome!” Benji said as she rushed inside, Mani hot on her heels. For the elevator was made entirely of armoured glass and provided a grand view of the ocean sprawling all the way across the horizon. The afternoon sun kissed the waves, setting sparkles to the white-capped water. And Shivs felt it beckon in her bones. 

Benji gave him a hopeful look. “Are we going underwater?”

“We are,” Toby said as he put a key in the control panel and turned it.

When the doors slid closed, Shivs suppressed the sudden and overwhelming urge to get out, to leave and never look back. To stay at the surface, where they belonged. I have to, she told herself as she clenched her hands into fists around the chain of her handbag. Bugs is down there, and he hates the dark beneath the waves.

The elevator jolted to life and Shivs closed her eyes, ignoring the sound of the lapping waves against the glass as they submerged, focussing on Benji’s excited noises instead. When she opened them again, they were enveloped in blue. Sunlight still penetrated, sending curtains of light through the water. Less so with every foot they descended, as the blue grew deeper, darker.

“A Sea King!” Benji screamed, spooking Mani as she glued herself against the glass. In the far distance, blurred in the shifting hues of the blue, swam a long, serpentine creature, its body undulating as it made its way from somewhere to elsewhere. 

“It could be the Prince of the Deep,” Toby said as he came to stand beside her. “It has about the right shape. Colour too, perhaps.”

Benji glanced at him, her eyes large and eager. “Prince?”

“Yes, because he is a prince among his kind. The largest Sea King in this part of the Calm Belt,” Toby said. “Ten times larger than Coral Grove, our largest dreadnought.”

“Wow.” Benji pressed her face against the glass. “Mani could snack on that for years.”

“Wouldn’t it be tough for her to hunt such a large creature?” Toby said, not without humour.

Benji rolled her eyes. “Not right now, she’s a baby. But she’ll be big and strong one day! Bananawani hunt Sea Kings, did you know?” she said and babbled the poor marine’s ears off about the large reptiles for some minutes.

As the armoured glass elevator descended to deeper water, their surroundings became steadily darker. Shivs put her gaze on the glass floor and the pitch black abyss below. It was easier to face the darkness approaching than the light receding, the sparkle of the sun on the water surface dwindling as you sank. The sea has never been friendly to man.

Beside her, Benji had put her arm around Mani as she looked up. No more sea kings down here.

“The 6th level is also called ‘The Basement’,” Toby said, making the girl glance away from the ever more distant sunlight. “Do you know why?”

Ghosts in the attic and monsters in the basement, Shivs thought as she recalled the sailors’ idiom about grief with its haunting memories and stowed feelings.

Benji eyed him, holding on to Mani still. “Because it's dark and far down?”

Because nobody goes there if they can help it. Shivs stared at the watery dark beneath their feet. The sea floor might never come and she'd not be surprised.

“Nope!” Toby said, his smile bright in the dimming light. “Because it is where all the cool people stay.”

Benji’s mood lit up. “My unc- Dad, is super cool! He's actually made out of sand, like, for real.”

“Are you made out of sand?”

Shivs gaze snapped onto him like a hawk. He was looking at Benji, fondness soft on his youthful face. He couldn't be much older than 20 or 22.

“I don't think so?” Benji let go of Mani to brush at her clothes, then glanced at him. “Do you want to pet her?”

Toby smiled. “Absolutely.”

🐊 🐊 🐊 

Horny hell seat reservations - @tiredemomama @smut-goblin @ruledbyproblematique @momodwriter @littlemountainwolf @fanaticsnail @feral-artistry - except there's no horny. Croc isn't even in it either. I feel like a cheat.

[monkey-d-ezekiel]

I totally understand why manga readers hate the One Piece anime. like, the anime borderline ruins a lot of the important aspects of the show. I see so many one piece anime watchers who are frustrated with so much stuff in the anime, and like. please try the manga. for your own good. it'll take some effort getting used to, but once you get in the groove you won't be frustrated in that way at all. i promise. Oda has created what is more or less a masterpiece, and here's some ways in which Toei botched it and watered down the experience.

1. Art + Animation

the OP manga has some of the most consistently good art compared to a lot of other series. The shading conveys emotions well, the atmosphere is well built, and Oda makes pretty good usage of the 2D page in conveying 3D movement. The biggest difference is that while the women are still not the most accurately proportioned, there's a lot more emphasis on their facial expressions and overall aura and demeanor.

the anime spoils all this by giving us sloppy character design and lazy animation. since the episodes are still weekly and not seasonal, they have to pump out fast and cheap animation, which makes them overuse still frames, motion blur and overall just not give the source material the effort it deserves. the women in the show have zero detail paid to their facial features, and they all seem to have had their breasts artificially endowed to 3x the size of their head by the ever generous toei animators.

Honestly, the One Piece anime is on par with shows like Dragonball Super when it comes to bad art and animation. Especially post-timeskip.

2. Pacing

pacing is always a big issue that anime watchers point out, and at this point bringing up this issue is like beating a dead horse. it's still extremely important though, because the manga is most definitely not this badly paced. 1 chapter worth of content is animated into 1 full length episode. the length of all the impactful scenes is elongated with reaction shots, exclamations of "woah! a very obvious thing is happening in front of us! unbelievable!", as well as stare-offs, wide shots and unnecessary flashbacks that all seem to last for an eternity.

there are 2-5 minute recaps in every episode as well, just in case you lost track of everything that has happened so far in the story you're following with interest. the manga has none of these issues, and the best part is that you can decide your own pace. if something is boring, just read past it quickly. if it's dense or interesting, slow down, take your time and savor it. the emotional impact of scenes is not lost simply because of how often they're repeated/elongated, as often happens in the anime.

In conclusion, the pacing and art quality of the source material is far superior to that of the anime adaptation, and while I do find it very epic when my favorite manga scenes are animated in the show, I don't think it's reasonable for anyone to put themselves through the grueling ordeal of watching the dragged out episodes of this anime simply for those moments/fights.

If you like the anime, that's great, im happy you're following the story of one piece in the way you find most suitable, and i don't wanna demean you at all because these are all just subjective opinions. but if you're an anime watcher who finds themselves to be frustrated with some of the issues in the anime, i think you could give the manga a try. it'll take some getting used to, but you won't have any of the frustrations that will persist as long as this anime is airing.

[canonmisogynyvictimstournament]

PRELIMINARY ROUND - STAR TREK

PROPAGANDA

T'Pol

1.) dressed as a sex object. far more qualified & experienced than the (male) captain yet treated as less capable. had her agency removed when her past rape was revealed against her wishes & the episode treated it as a good thing. her taking command of the ship got humanity wiped out in an alternate timeline & she "redeemed herself" by becoming a housewife. there was a scene where the captain fell face first into her boobs. whatever they paid her actress, it should have been at least 3x more

2.) i think you can most clearly see the misogyny t'pol deals with in her costuming and makeup. she is given clear special treatment to make her look "more attractive": she wears catsuits throughout the show (despite neither institution she works for having any other similar uniforms, even for other women), sexy little silk pajamas, a cropped jumpsuit one time (even tho…it's a one piece?? and makes no sense to be cropped????), and SFX makeup that doesnt make her look as "alien" as other members of the literal alien species she's a part of. enterprise's main crime is sexualization, and while everyone (quite literally EVERY member of the cast) is hit with it at least once, t'pol pretty much never gets a break. there's a difference between sexy and overly sexualized, and ent is FAR into the over sexualized side of that spectrum. love you t'pol wish your canon was better xoxo

3.) The classic “Rick Berman Star Trek needs a woman who is strong and competent and part of the crew but gets skintight jumpsuits with low necklines instead of standard issue Starfleet uniforms to show cleavage and keep the male audience on board”.

Kes

1.) Poor Kes had it so bad. She's an Ocampan, which is a kind of alien with psychic powers and a 9-year long life-span. I was pretty interested in what they were going to do with her character when I started watching because in theory with the show having seven seasons, we could have seen her go through pretty much her whole life span over the course of the show. Unfortunately, most of her character is tied up in her terrible boyfriend Neelix, who is at a lower estimate in his mid 30s, and at an upper estimate his mid 50. He met her and started dating her while she was taken prisoner after being kidnapped. Neelix is mostly meant to be comic relief, he acts like an annoying, forcefully cheerful clown for the majority of his time on-screen (when he's not having war flashbacks) except for when he's interacting with Kes. With Kes he is possessive, controlling and manipulative. He's constantly accusing her of trying to cheat on him or leave him, throwing himself pity parties whenever she talks to another man and belittling her. And worst of all he's often framed as being in the right. She hardly gets any screen-time that isn't somehow actually about her boyfriend, the Doctor she's the assistant of or another male crew member who has a crush on her (also too old for her). When she does it's pretty much always focused on her psychic powers and not her as a person.

Some of the highlights of her time on the show include the time that Neelix's lungs were stolen, and after he spends the whole episode feeling sorry for himself and accusing her of being happy about it because he thinks she wants to leave him she donates him one of her lungs. Then there's the time some space anomaly makes her prematurely fertile so she has to decide if she ever wants kids right at that moment, and for some reason, almost the whole episode is focused on whether Neelix wants kids. She eventually breaks up with Neelix. Which is great! But she was possessed at the time. So she didn't even get to do that herself.

She was written off the show at the start of season 4 when another character was added and they needed to boot someone. She "ascends to a higher plane of existence". And then everyone on the crew proceeds to completely forget her about her straight afterwards. I'm not sure anyone was actually sad about her essentially dying. She comes back in a later episode called "Fury" which is about her trying to take revenge on the crew for her poor treatment. You'd think this would be good. But for some reason, she's mostly angry at the captain for allowing her to get on the ship in the first place, despite one of her few character traits being that she's adventurous and always wanting to learn things that no one else has. So the episode mostly focuses on trying to pick apart one of the only parts of her character that was well-defined and consistent. Her past self does tell her that she's forgotten what she truly wanted or something to talk her out of her revenge plan. I'm not really sure what they were going for. She tells the captain she was only an innocent child, so she shouldn't have been allowed to make the decision to get on the ship. She is never shown to be angry at Neelix. The man who started dating her when she was according to her future self a child. And a prisoner.

2.) She's kind of the sexy born yesterday character who's already taken. She's an alien whose race only lives nine years, so when i say that she got married at two that's a bit less alarming. She lived underground her "whole" life (about a year and a half) before she left her town, to find the surface, got kidnapped and then rescued by Neelix, a middle-aged scavenger/smuggler/chef who looks like a Cats character from a regular aging alien race. Neelix promises to show her new places and they apparently fall in love and get married and then Neelix takes her to the Voyager, and she leaves her home forever. At the age of 2. She lived in a cave her whole life, then found this gross little man, married him for some reason, and then was convinced to leave everything she had ever known, her entire family and life, to get on a star ship whose express mission was getting to the other side of the universe as fast as they were able.

Once on the ship she was able to find some independence and her own interests, and eventually left neelix, but god their entire relationship was really just loser old man and naive teenager and it was soooooooo uncomfortable

3.) I rewatched the Kes parts of Voyager. The "General Observations" section can be taken as a TL;DR (sorry for the essay). Here are a few not-so-fun facts about Kes:

General Observations:

Kes was kidnapped 4 times over the course of the show.

Kes often talks like a child especially early on in the show. She acts like a classic Disney Princess; sweet, but not quite understanding what's going on around her.

A lot of Kes's character revolves around the fact that she is very young, and a lot of the more uncomfortable aspects of her treatment revolve around this too. It's not like it's an impossible concept to pull off, in the same show the EMH is actually younger than Kes, and has several romantic relationships that don't feel super creepy in the same way most of Kes's do. This is because the writers don't make him act like a child and they actually give him agency in his relationships.

Kes's people, the Ocampa, live underground on a desert planet. Kes travelled to the surface when she was less than 1 year old, where she was captured by the people living there and tortured for information using "every method of persuasion" that they know. This is where she met and started dating Neelix. He explicitly says he thinks she is dating him because she owes him for getting her out of that situation, and yet it seems like the writers think this is a cute and heartwarming relationship.

Nearly all of her screen time is devoted to emotionally counseling the men around her, helping their character development, comforting and caring for them. She is hardly ever shown to have negative emotions ("Fury" aside), and then it's generally only when a man she cares about is in trouble. This includes when she is kidnapped. Even then she has to be calm, understanding and empathetic.

Kes's established character traits: curious, smart, psychic, caring, kind, young, innocent, naive. Pretty much all of these get tossed out the window in "Fury". She kills people she's known most of her life and tries to sell everyone out to organ harvesters because she gets "confused". She decides not to do this in the end because her younger self tells her she's acting out of character. This episode is one of the worst instances of character assassination I have ever seen.

In about 10 of her 70 total episodes on the show Kes makes a significant contribution to the plot that is not focused on a man. Most of those were more her acting as a psychic plot device rather than anything about her as an actual character. There was only one episode "Before and After", which I would count as truly being devoted to Kes as a character.

Practically every man Kes comes across is attracted to her. Often her attractiveness is mentioned in the same breath as the fact that she is literally a 1-3 year old.

Kes's love interests: Neelix, the EMH, Tom Paris, Tuvix, Ameron (while possessed), Nori (while possessed), Zahir. Aside from Zahir, she has pretty much no agency in any of these relationships.

Neelix calls Kes "sweetie", and talks to her like she's a child. When he's not shouting at her, anyway. Kes unconditionally loves and adores him for some reason.

Observations while watching:

When Neelix's lungs are stolen Kes refuses to leave his side and one of the first things she does is offer to donate one of her own, refuses to let the EMH perform any medical procedures until she's sure it's safe. Meanwhile, Neelix goes on a jealous rant at her because she called another man by his first name.

When Kes donates a lung Neelix refuses at first because the operation would be too dangerous, but Kes says "you've done so much for me, let me give you something once", implying that Kes owes him a lung for him helping free her from the people torturing her.

The episode "Elogium" was apparently meant to be a metaphor for teen pregnancy. With Kes as the teen and Neelix (whose actor says that he sees him as being in his 50s) as the father.

Ocampan puberty apparently happens between the ages of 4 and 5. Kes starts the series at less than 1 year old, and leaves at 3. She is apparently at an age where it would be dangerous to conceive a child in "Elogium". She is not sure she is finished growing. She has been dating Neelix for about a year (possibly more) at this point.

When the EMH hallucinates Kes as his wife, she makes him promise not to tell Neelix, because he tends to get "a little jealous"

In "Elogium", Neelix interrogates Kes over the fact that Tom Paris says "see you later" to her because he "Sees the way he looks at (her). (He) used to look at women that way (he) knows what it means." Neelix is later implied to be in the right here, Kes is being naive thinking Tom Paris could be her friend, apparently.

In "Twisted" Kes turns two years old. Tom Paris gives her a locket for her birthday. Neelix gets pissed off because he thinks he's trying to charm her. Neelix is, again framed as being in the right here.

Kes has a very good memory and is able to remember where everyone's rooms are. When she demonstrates this, Neelix implies she knows this because she's slept with every man on the ship. At the end of this episode, Kes decides to put his photo in her locket to always keep him close.

When Kes is upset that Neelix attacked Tom Paris over her, the EMH tells her she should consider herself lucky to have two men fighting over her.

Tom Paris admits to Neelix that he finds Kes attractive, but says that he won't try anything with her because he respects Neelix. He asks if Neelix would allow him to be her friend. Because who cares what Kes wants right? I guess if Neelix had said no he would have just stopped talking to her?

Tom says Kes is very devoted to Neelix, and Neelix admits he thinks she's only with him because he saved her life and she's grateful he freed her from captivity and she owes him. He is dating her despite this. This is never addressed.

Tanis, another Ocampan, calls her innocent and naive, so she seems quite young even by the standards of her own species.

Tuvix, having inherited Neelix's manipulative tendencies tries to manipulate Kes into begging the captain for his life.

Kes gets kidnapped by caveman aliens. When someone comes to rescue her, the cavemen try to trade another woman to them so they can keep Kes.

Kes goes into a coma and acts as the damsel in distress again in "Sacred Ground"

"This is typical of you Neelix… it bothers you that I'm making friends of my own, you always have to involve yourself somehow." "You can spend time with anyone you want" "As long as I spend most of it with you… I never realised a relationship could be any different. I've never been with anyone but you." Kes when she breaks up with Neelix. Except this isn't Kes because she's actually possessed at the time. She doesn't even get agency in her own breakup.

Kes is dressed in skintight leather trousers and high heels and tries to seduce everyone while possessed by a male warlord. He describes Kes as a "little girl".

In "Darkling" Kes starts wearing form fitting jumpsuits somewhat similar to the ones Seven of Nine wears (though not quite as tight). This is possibly because she's supposed to look more mature, and she starts having "young adult" storylines instead of teenager storylines.

"Everyone seems to be treating me like a child, I'm three years old now"

The EMH kidnaps Kes in "Darkling" when he turns temporarily evil. His treatment of her in this episode includes shoving her into a wall and putting his hand around her neck, repeatedly grabbing and shoving her, holding her at gunpoint and throwing her off a cliff.

The evil EMH kidnaps Kes because she wants to leave the ship to travel with her new boyfriend. This is framed as the good inside of him because he is trying to "protect" her. Kes decides to stay on the ship because of this. She never expresses any negative emotions about this incident.

In "Before and After" Kes goes through her entire life in reverse. In the future she sees, she has married Tom Paris and had a daughter with him, and her daughter has a child with Harry Kim, who was the best man at Kes and Tom's wedding. This is by far the best Kes episode, but she never really gets to react to anything that happens in it. Soon after this she ascends to a higher plane of existence in "The Gift".

In "Before and After" Kes sees threats in advance and warns the crew about them, preventing the Captain's death in the future. This isn't really acknowledged.

Half of "The Gift" is focused on Seven of Nine and the Borg. Not even Kes's send-off episode is really focused on her.

In "The Gift", Neelix and Kes have one final scene together. Neelix gets quite self-pitying again and says she broke up with him because he was holding her back. Kes says that wasn't it but doesn't say why it happened. This is the only time they directly talk about their breakup outside of when Kes was possessed.

When Kes decides to ascend, the captain begs her to reconsider. Kes insists she has not lost her judgement or come under an alien influence. Captain Janeway tells her she's family and tearfully embraces her. Tuvok puts out a candle in mourning (everyone forgets about her after this episode ends though).

In "Fury" Kes is back in physical form somehow, despite ascending into some higher plane of existence in the last episode she appeared. She is also much older in appearance.

In "Fury" Kes gets onto the ship, starts exploding everything she can with her psychic powers, kills everyone she comes across and goes back in time to the start of the show to kidnap herself.

Kes and Neelix have a scene in "Fury". It makes Neelix much nicer than he ever was in the early parts of the show (especially to Kes). He actually notices something is wrong and asks her how she is and prepares her favourite meal for her because she had a bad day. I'm not sure he ever even asked her how she was before. I guess at this point they must have wanted to pretend the relationship was a lot less creepy and unhealthy than it actually was. Especially since Kes is the villain of the episode.

Older Kes's plan in "Fury" is to travel back in time, sell out the people she spent the majority of her life with to organ harvesters so she can send her and her younger self back to her home world because the crew "abandoned her a long time ago". I think this manages to dismantle practically every established character trait she has.

Older Kes's explanation of her actions in "Fury": "You (Captain Janeway) took her (young Kes) from Ocampa. Her home. She's a prisoner on this ship. I was a child, you corrupted me. Your ideas. Exploration, discovery. I believed you. In three years I'm going to leave Voyager in search of higher things because you encouraged me to do it. You encouraged me to develop my mental abilities. What I found, I couldn't control it, it scared me… I trusted you!" Neelix was the one who took her from Ocampa. As noted before, Captain Janeway begged her not to ascend.

Old Kes is killed by the captain. They know something terrible happened to Kes when she ascended, but apparently all that they did was get Kes to record a video of herself saying that she shouldn't take revenge because it's not who she is. This worked for some reason, she says she killed everyone because she was confused.

Kes decides to go back to Ocampa. Due to the Ocampan lifespan, everyone she knew before she left is probably dead. To add insult to injury, Neelix is the last person she sees before she leaves for good.

[just-wrting]

The Babysitter (Part 4)

Title: The Babysitter (Part 4)

Summary: You do your best to get a little closer to Aaron, while still keeping enough distance that you don't catch feelings. The only problem? It doesn't seem like it's working.

Word Count: 2687

Master List Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

A/N: I promised that Part 4 would be what I posted next and here it is!!!! It only took me longer than expected. I also think that despite the migraines and my terrible work schedule I'll be doing my best to post 3x a week. Also yes I know, I didn't post this at 3 AM my time for once.

You stretch and lean back on the couch. Aaron had texted you that plane had landed and that he’d be on his way soon. It's already much later than you want it to be. Jack has been asleep for a while, leaning against you while the TV plays whatever movie is on.

You know you shouldn’t go to sleep now, not when Aaron is so close to being back home, but you can’t fight it anymore. You shuffle Jack into your arms, it's much harder to move a sleeping child than an awake one, and go to the bedroom.

You're too tired to take Jack to his bed, so you take him to Aaron’s room. You push the covers to Aaron’s bed back and climb in. You shuffle the blanket around you and Jack, tucking it under his chin. Within seconds, you feel your eyes flutter shut. You wish you could stay up until toron gets here. That thought doesn't stop you from falling asleep.

——

You wake up well rested to an empty bed. A slightly burnt smell wafts through the house. You race to the kitchen in a panic, worried that Jack has decided to mess with stuff. Instead Jack is standing next to the toaster, with Aaron.

"You should’ve woken me up,” you say as you lean against the doorway. "You nearly gave me a heart attack.”

“I didn't want to wake you. Jack said you had a long week so I thought it was best to let you sleep."

Aaron sets a plate on the table and Jack rushes over to you. He eagerly grabs your arm, and guides you towards the table.

"I helped make you breakfast!"

The way he smiles makes your heart melt, and you sink into a chair.

"Yeah I can see that But is it really okay to eat without you? Maybe I’ll wait a bit.”

Aaron sets two pieces of toast on your plate. The edges are darker than you prefer but you know better than to make a face about it in front of Jack.

"It’s fine. Better to eat it while it's still hot," Aaron says with a gentle smile. "Besides, Jack ate first.”

“That doesn't stop me from feeling a bit bad. How much sleep did you get Aaron?”

His silence is the answer. He got less sleep than you wish he would as is, not to mention how strenuous his job is. You make note to talk to about that habit as soon as you can.

—-

As you pack up your things you hear a knock at the door. You hear Aaron get the door and a voice talking about Jack. Walking to the front door leads to you seeing a mom and son duo.

“He's been talking about this all day," the mom giggles, "I'm so grateful that you’re willing to let Jack come over for a little bit."

You slide up to Aaron and take a look. The kid is Jack’s age, so you guess he's a friend from school. The guess is correct as Jack shoves his shoes on and runs between you and Aaron to go outside.

"I had some stuff to do so it made sense for him to go with a friend.”

"Alright. Just text me when you want me to bring him back. He's always welcome."

With that, the three of them left. You take your time watching Jack get into the car and leave, choosing to stay silent for a minute.

"When did you set that up," you ask, turning to Aaron. "Cause I didn't.”

"This morning. I figured it would give us time to talk about things.”

You nod, "There's still coffee left so we best get to it. I just want a few things to clear up."

A sigh leaves his lips. “I can imagine there's a lot to clear up.

You make both coffees. "I'm not upset with you, if that makes you feel better.

"I suppose it does. I don't know what I'd do if you decided to leave."

"'Probably hire someone else."

"'I don't-" he sighs, “Jack doesn't want someone else."

Your eyes soften as you look at Aaron. He looks exhausted. You want to push him into bed and force him to sleep. You feel yourself thinking about how much you'd like to help him .

“Good thing I love you guys.”

Aaron chuckles. “That’s good. He’d be heartbroken if you left.”

“I can tell. He looks so sad when I have to leave for the night.”

“He does, doesn’t he? What was it you wanted to know?”

You hold the coffee mug in both hands, staring at the surface. There’s only a few topics you want to ask about, you just aren’t sure where to start. There’s stuff about his job, not to mention a topic that you’re positive will be awkward, Jack’s mom.

“Let’s start with an obvious one. Why didn’t you want to tell me about your job? I’m sure that not wanting me to run far away was part of it.”

There’s a pained look on his face. He probably has lots of stories of things happening to people he knows that aren’t agents. You want to give him some sort of comfort, but you aren’t sure what you’d even say.

“You’re right. I also just don’t want you to get hurt. I’ve seen what people will do to people around me and everyone on my team and I was hoping that if you didn’t find out you’d be safer,” he explains, the expression on his face unwavering.

“I’m sorry. I hate to ask it then, but does that choice have anything to do with Jack’s mother? You don’t have to give me details, I just am unsure if I’ll meet her.”

This time, Aaron takes a while to answer. You worry that you’ve asked too much. Clearly something bad happened, and it still weighs heavy on his mind. You choose to focus on your coffee as you try to figure out how to backtrack.

“Forget I asked about it, Aaron. I’m sure I understand enough without you explaining it.”

He shakes his head. “It’s okay. You’re right. My job got in the way and she passed.”

You reach across the table and give his hand a quick squeeze. “You don’t have to say anything else. I’m not entitled to information like that. How about you tell me about this team of yours?”

“I think you’d like them. They do tend to profile everyone however, which can be an issue.”

You give Aaron a smile. “Does that mean you’ve been profiling me since the beginning? And why you didn’t need a background check?”

“Our tech analyst is amazing. She’d find any sort of dirt on you I’d need. Not that I need any.”

“That is a bit terrifying. I’ll make sure to behave I guess. Is she super nosey?”

A small smile breaks across his face. “For sure. Penelope Garcia knows everything I could ever need about you.”

“So do you know everything from my star sign to where I live? Or is that just her?”

“I don’t know any of that. I just made sure you don’t have a criminal background.”

“That’s good. If there’s anything you want to know just ask me. Besides that I don’t have any other questions.”

You down the rest of your coffee and move to the sink.

“Then I’ll get to work. I have some paperwork to get done.”

You turn and look at him. A hand rests on your hip and you frown.

“You’ll do the paperwork after you rest, right? I know for a fact you didn’t get a lot of sleep.”

Aaron looks a bit startled at your question. “I’ll be okay.”

“What time did you get home? When did you go to bed? You slept on the couch, right? When did Jack wake you up?”

“I got home around midnight and went to sleep shortly after. I promise I’m fine.”

You cross your arms and frown. “That doesn’t mean much, Aaron.”

“I’m used to it at this point. Long nights are a part of my job.”

“Aaron, I work with kids. I know how to make you take a nap," you say, Your voice is calm, but you hope he knows you’re serious. "You worry about Jack all the time. Someone has to worry about you.”

“I'll be fine, You don't need to worry about me.”

"Too late. I’m already worried."

Despite the frown, Aaron isn't taking you seriously. His eyes are crinkled and you're sure there's a small hidden behind the coffee mug.

"Since you insist, I'll try to rest. I can’t promise anything."

“I'm sure you'll find the bedroom is nap ready. I swapped out the curtains so it was easier to sleep and brought a fan over.”

Aaron sets his coffee mug next to the sink. You were right about the smile. The corners of his lips are still upturned. You know he’s probably doing this to make you feel better.

—

Thankfully, you’re able to do everything you need around the house. The dishes, sweeping, dusting and various other chores are a breeze without anything or anyone in your way. Things you have been putting off due to a lack of time are officially done. The only place you haven’t cleaned is the master bedroom.

After a few hours, you hear Aaron begin his paperwork. You do your best to not check in on him again, but you can’t help yourself from peering through the crack of the door. His face is set in a frown, and his eyebrows are furrowed. The way he meticulously goes through each page is impressive.

You aren’t sure if he’s eaten, and you can feel the lack of food start to catch up to you. After setting your resolve, you push the door open and lean against the doorframe. Aaron looks up at you almost immediately.

“I know there’s not much in the fridge since I’ve got to go to the store, but did you want lunch? I may not be able to make something that’ll impress you, but I could probably impress a kid,” you joke with a light smile.

While Aaron doesn’t say anything, he gives you more of his attention. You take that as a good sign, and keep rambling.

“Does a PB&J with an apple and milk sound okay? There’s even some leftover brownies that I’ll throw in. That’s something a kid may like, but maybe not something you’d like.”

“Sure. That does sound like something that a kid would like and be impressed by.”

“Of course it is. I cut the apple up which is a superior way of eating it, and they get sugar. Not to mention, sometimes I let them have some chips."

Aaron's smile is less tense, and you feel satisfied. Nothing makes you feel better than knowing you can make someone important to you happier.

“I'll get started on that. Will Jack be joining us for dinner?"

"I thought that it would be a good idea for him to spend as much time as he wants with his friend. It gives me time to get you a contact list for his friends’ parents and that way you can have some free time.”

“If you insist. I already have free time. It's usually a few hours after he's in bed that you’re home. Plus he has stuff he likes to keep "secret" like things for you.”

The frown is back. "What about your dating life? I'm sure that whoever you're seeing wants to see you more."

“Yeah I'm sure that's what my ex would want. I'll make lunch real fast."

You make your escape to the kitchen as quick as you can. Talking about your ex unisn't something you're keen on doing. It was a messy ending.

You push all relationship thoughts out of your head. This is not the time or place to be thinking like that. It's lunch time, which means focusing on making food. Not that making a PB and J is hard.

The whole thing only takes you about ten minutes; you really should just buy an apple slicer. It would save you so much effort. In fact, Aaron's house was missing some of that stuff that would make housework easier.

You do your best to arrange the food on the plate, hoping it all fits. Balancing more than two plates is a struggle, so you choose to grab the drinks separately. Milk is hard to get out carpets if you don’t have the right materials. The smell will attract a pet and that's a hassle. At least it doesn't stain.

"Where do you want me to set this?"

Aaron shuffles the papers into neat piles, creating a space in the middle of the desk. You avert your eyes, not wanting to read the files. Even if they weren’t confidential, it isn't something that you’d want to read. After setting down the plates, you go to get the drinks.

The first few minutes of eating are done in silence. You’d like to get to know Aaron better, you just don’t want to come off as weird. It would suck if he misunderstood your intentions. Not that you wouldn’t date him.

"Something’s on your mind. Did you want to talk about it?”

"No. I think I’ll be okay in regards to what I was thinking about. On a different topic, what do you and Jack do together?”

Aaron looks a little ashamed at the question. You can sense he has a lot of guilt about how things have turned out. The look in his eyes makes you want to comfort him, but you don’t know what to say.

“If you ever want to talk about something, you can talk to me,” you offer. "I won't understand everything, but it's still good to get it out.”

“Maybe at a time when I don’t have so much paperwork,” he says with a sad smile. "I almost feel like-“

"Work has taken over your life? Tell me about it. I love kids, but there are times I wish I choose different job. Like the time all three kids had the flu, so I was cleaning up so much vomit.”

The rest of the meal is spent telling each other embarrassing work stories. Aaron shares things from all his team members, while you tell him the ridiculous things some kids have done. As the stories go on, you find yourself entranced by his laugh. The way his eyes crinkle and the corner of his lips turn up have your heart almost skipping a beat. For some reason, you start to feel self-conscience. Thankfully, the doorbell rings.

"I’ll get it. You probably need to get back to work," you say as you collect the dishes.

You stack the dishes, and carefully close the door behind you. You don't even bother going to the kitchen, opting to just set the dishes on a table nearby. Thankfully, the doorbell rings only the one time. You see the mom from earlier standing there, and swing open the door. Jack rushes in to hug you. You ruffle his hair as the mom starts to speak.

“I’m so glad that Aaron’s finally dating again. Poor man has been alone for too long,” she laments. “How long has it been?”

“I'm not sure. I didn't even know Aaron was dating," you reply with a shrug.

“Wait, you aren’t dating Aaron?” Her face is

turning red. "With how Jack talks about you, I thought maybe. He doesn’t talk about anyone but his dad like that.”

"It's Fine. Can’t blame you for what kids say," you offer with a smile. "No harm done.”

She doesn't say more, instead rushing back to her car. You don’t stop her, figuring that would make it worse.

You'll mention it to Aaron, hoping that he’ll be able to handle it.

For now, you'll be content to make Jack happy by pretending to be whoever he wants. After all, Aaron will have fixed it by tomorrow and there won’t be any more problems.

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