#this is kind of hilarious to me tho bc just yesterday I was looking at pics from the like

[greyattack]

Sure matjefreddy joint bday is cute but their birthdays aren’t literally back to back 🤓

[orcelito]

Hello would love to see your knife collection if you’re down to share them 🥺

Yesssssssssssss I love my knife collection 🙏🙏🙏🙏 can't exactly easily take a pic of them all together rn bc that'd take too much time, but I can share some posts I've made of my collection

Here's the last time I took a group pic of them all ^ it's outdated tho and it's missing a few pieces.

Here's the cool shits I got in Tennessee last summer ^ love the damascus. The switch blade is so fun to play with. Haven't fucked around much with the butterfly knife yet tho.

Here's one of my favorite knives ^ beautiful butterfly design pocket knife. Feels so good in the hand. I keep it in my bag.

Here's some throwing stars I bought in Estes Park in Colorado, the place The Shining was filmed. (I did not visit that hotel lol but I did catch a glimpse of it!). I'd flown over and I only had a carry on bag so I had someone mail them to me hfkshfkd also this was literally like a month or two after indiana legalized throwing stars. Hilarious story all around.

Here's the cute little leaf knife my sister gave me that I accidentally smuggled onto Two planes during the aforementioned Colorado trip. I forgot it was in my bag </3 but bc it looks like a leaf when closed, they didn't realize it was a knife. And I only realized I did this Afterwards, when I was unpacking my bag. Whoops! This is nowhere near the only time I've accidentally smuggled knives through security checkpoints (did it again just yesterday, in fact!) but theyre definitely a lot more strict about this stuff at airports. So it's a special kind of Whoops. Oh well it ended up fine

Andddddd here's a nonbinary knife that is currently still missing. Idk it's somewhere. I'll find it eventually.

I think there's also another damascus pocket knife I dont know the location of. I also bought another knife in the Tennessee trip that has my last name on it (bc of sentimentality) so I haven't shared pics of it. It's nice tho. I also have At Least 2 knives I got from my dad's house... maybe more??? Idk a lot of things were grabbed and it's been a few months. I need to go thru my shit I got from him lol. Oh I also got an axe thing from him. And a sawblade. Fun stuff!!!

I ALSO...

Bought this historical sword from a thrift shop. It's from uhhh oh yeah The Knights of Pythias. Symbol of the peace lily + FCB for Friendship, Charity, and Benevolence. Overall an organization with a purpose to promote peace. Did a lil research when I first got the sword, though I don't know Too much. Someday I wanna go digging to see if I can find record of the previous owner of this sword, Charles W Stephens (you can see it on the blade in the last pic). That day is not today tho lol.

Anyways yeah that's my knives collection as far as I can remember it rn 🤔🤔🤔 might have forgotten some. As u can probably tell, I have A Lot of knives. Not uncommon for me to lose track of a few every now and then hfkshfkd

EDIT: I FORGOT.. like 4 knives. I also have 2 necklace knives. One is a lil pocket knife and the other is a mini dagger in a sheath. Then there's uhh another dagger. And MAYBE a 4th knife. I don't remember. I really should formally add those to the collection at some point. They've just been in the dubious "I'll put those away eventually" territory so I haven't even taken pictures of them hfkshdjd but trust me they exist I prommy. I use the dagger necklace in my kitchen sometimes for opening packages. Idk it's just hanging out there. And it's beautifully sharp and wonderfully easy to access. If it weren't so heavy on the chain I'd consider wearing it more often.

[hisbutler-problematic]

On the topic of Sebastian being completely enthralled about everything Ciel is, I personally love it so much more knowing manga context, because O!Ciel was the 'spare'. He was not supposed to carry the family nane and, frankly, people didn't think he'd be capable of it due to his poor health anyway (Remember Frances and Vincent's conversation in the flashback chapters? It's obvious O!Ciel was quite saddened by what he heard).

By all means, in a twisted way, Sebastian might just be the first person to regard O!Ciel as someone deeply capable, a shiny singularity that doesn't live in anyone's shadow. The adults around him were - tho not unrightfully - seeing his fragility first and foremost while his brother, despite seeing him as worthy, didn't wish for him to leave and forge his own path. R!Ciel's reaction came from childishness sure, but that isn't to say that it didn't feed into the idea that O!Ciel was 'his backup'.

Going off from this, Sebastian is also the one thing in his life and is irrevocably his. Again, twisted, but all O!Ciel built has been under another's name. The manor, the company, the engagement etc. None of them truly his, but his brother's. And the other servants? They are loyal, however ultimately their own people. Sebastian? In an entirely different spot. He'll be there until the end after all.

This is an aspect of their relationship that tugs at my heartstrings so much. It's so toxic and depressing yet strangely soft and tender somewhat at least to me.

Sorry, I just really wanted to pour my thoughts and I appreciate your posts. So here I am!

anon, i’m in love with you

i literally think about this all the time like. that conversation frances and vincent had? imo vincent just flippantly saying "i guess ill just have to give the estate back to the queen lmao" could be taken 2 ways which is: at face value OR (what i think is more likely) vincent just saying what he knows will piss frances off to get her to stop talking. tbh vincent seems like a good dad imo and like he doesnt super underestimate o!ciel (he seemed absolutely fine with the idea of o!ciel going off to london by himself and opening a toy store in the future), but he DOES know that o!ciel is frail and sickly, and it makes me wonder how seriously he considered the idea that o!ciel might inherent the title of the queen's watchdog.

honestly, i feel in some respects, r!ciel treats o!ciel more carefully than their parents. he very much has an attitude of "my baby brother NEEDS me, he cannot survive without me!!" (gasps and shock, to learn it is actually the other way around /s)

all this to say, whether you lean more towards my interpretation or yours, or a fun mix, or whatever, it is undeniable that all of o!ciel's relationships were 'tainted' (for lack of a better term) by his illness and the way it made others view him and treat him.

AND THEN COMES SEBASTIAN

sebastian, who takes one look at o!ciel, and goes "lmao what a fucked up lil dude. time for little a snacky". sebastian, who then sits down to forge a contract with said little dude only to realize Oh Okay So This Child Is Clever. And o!ciel being sickly does kind of come up when they're making the contract, but sebastian focuses more on the actual logistics of that and o!ciel says 'nvm we'll deal w it when it comes up' (which is hilarious imo. he really said a sudden chill can put me on my deathbed but thats a problem for future me).

and then it turns out o!ciel is hella sheltered. but also a huge bitch.

and at this point, all i can assume is sebastian is so bewildered by this experience that the fact that o!ciel is frail and sickly and fragile is like. just another thing about this kid. o!ciel has never made sebastian's life easy and it would be stupid to think he would start now, sebastian thinks as his young master suffers from yet another cold just bc it rained yesterday. "i never knew you had asthma" says sebastian, who has read every medical journal to date on chest colds. "you never asked," says the bane of sebastian's existence.

and the thing is you can say "sebastian is only worried about o!ciel bc if o!ciel dies, he loses his meal" which is true and accurate and tbh if i was sebastian and i had put up w that much, i wouldn't want to lose my meal to a mere cough.

BUT ALSO

then you see the way sebastian is so fascinated and intrigued and bewitched by o!ciel. i think to sebastian the fact that o!ciel is frail and sickly is just another contradiction in the sea of contradictions that makes o!ciel so fascinating. and i think sebastian is the only one who really sees all those contradictions, he's the only one who sees everything that makes up o!ciel. and he loves what he finds.

(not to mention the fact that sebastian is the only person o!ciel allows to see his every aspect. or, well, some he tries to hide, but only because he thinks sebastian will try to use something against him. either way, sebastian is still the only person who he lets see the most of him. because sebastian is the only person who knows who he really is, who he doesnt have to put up a front for. he doesn't have to pretend to be his brother, he doesn't have to worry about being the spare.)

[llycaons]

couple of mirrors - ep3. this ex-military bitch is insane (affectionate)

why is a-wan at the book signing? didn't she get fired and then shot in the head? we know it's not a flashback bc yw knows hong mei's name

WHY DID YW SHOOT A-WAN...

also, why is hong mei dead? is it really a random tragedy? that kind of makes it feel a little meaningless you know. plotwise

why the fuck did he need photographs of an actual dead girl to do his trick. like this is eerie but I don't think a few seconds lost would have saved her life

this plot is weak as fuck I'm afraid

okay a voiceover about how he's a bad person and buys children. but from WHO?

AW YEAH BEAT HIM UP

WEAPONS REVEAL YESSSS

god I'm so confused. why is xyy acting like she doesn't know and things are back to normal? why is a-wan acting like the affair is still a secret?

OHHHHH. NO. this is a flashback to the first episode. the hong mei stuff was ALSO in the flashback

I HATE when shows do this! I can't settle into a scene if I don't know when it's happening! and then being disoriented or confused or thinking a scene is happening at a different time than it is just screws up my experience of the episode even retroactively

I wouldn't be so confused if ALL this happened in one episode. but the hong mei scenes happened last episode! and going from character a in one timeline to character b in ANOTHER timeline is really hard to track! if you're going to flashback, either make it its own episode or stay with the SAME character if you're not going to explicitly state a flashback is happening, or indicate it through the setting

HERE IT IS...at all came together quite nicely honestly

ah, the classic abduct and torture. girl of course he's not going to confess...how do you know this woman is guilty just based on the word of a man trying to save his own skin?

wait the first time we saw her in the show, she came directly out of a room she was torturing a guy in? that's hilarious

NOT SETTING THE FOOD ON FIRE...YAN WEI 😭

I wish yw and xyy like. would look at each other. I'm barely getting anything here. with such a short series, they should really start in on the lingering staring at each other more. yw may be stoic and not very expressive, but I feel like it's nothing to her whether xyy is there or not, and I have no idea what xyy thinks of her. it is very sweet to try to make food, though

'you have to use yesterday's rice for fried rice' oh girl...even I knew that. how has been feeding herself this entire time? I hadn't realized she was trying to fry FRESH rice 😭

yw made xyy sleep on the dining room table...girl

she is actually quite rude. like. I get she's not very expressive but xyy is having a really hard time and yw is just. very brusque. and didn't even offer her a bed or a couch to sleep on...well I suppose the man in the corner room she's torturing makes hosting tough

damn they're really villainizing a-wan here. she has enough money saved up to move but she refuses to, she won't listen to reason when xyy's husband points out that they're the ones in the wrong, she killed hong mei, she's resorting to blackmail...damn. she is so gorgeous tho I could forgive a lot

YAN WEI BUGGED THE HOUSE????

I called her insane above but actually she's just being thorough and not murdering people with no evidence

these fight scenes really are excellent

detective jiang is rly handsome...luckily he's only a fake cop and not a real one :)

I don't see suspenders that often on tv and they really do fill me with lust. unfortunate

ARSON!!!!!!

[jgvfhl]

The Dragon Prince s4e1 snuck onto YouTube???? Yesterday???? And THEY THOUGHT I WOULDN'T NOTICE????

...

WELL THEY WERE RIGHT. WHAT THE FUCK. *vibrates with joy* spoilers below the cut altho it's nothing the sneak peeks didn't already hint at....

Soren my dearest, I would die for you. I would actually die for you.

Soren: *speaks*

Corvus: good gods of xadia grant me fucking patience....

Soren: *STARTS FLOSSING*

Corvus: *facepalms so hard he may have a concussion*

----

Damn. Claudia has um..... wow that new trauma looks great on you hon... um... yikes. Nothing like some sparkly new horrors and agonies to start a conversation with your emotionally distant, manipulative, newly resurrected father....

----

JANAI AND AMAYAAAAAA JANAYAAAAAAAA 😭🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 FUCKING GAY AS SHIT HOLY FUCK YEEEAAAH

----

TEMPORARY aliveness. My favorite kind!!! Especially for Viren :)

----

Soren and Corvus are really stalling Callum by getting him to infodump on the mirror so he wouldn't crash his own surprise party 😂

AND IT WORKED!!!! Bless them.

----

Literally hoping Viren just has a conniption and dies bc of Terry dating Claudia tho. That will be hilarious. I just want him to die racist about.

[motherflecker]

hello this is the grocery shopping anon from yesterday! i have finally come here to bombard u with random thoughts as promised ❤️ so here they are:

- what cracks me up is when i see tweets like “book and his daddy 😍” it’s not even fans being cringey 😐 they actually are like that. the way that’s the official term used by forcebook themselves is endlessly hilarious.

- when book said his exposed chest was intentional 😐😐 the theo in him jumped out.

- “for me, theo will always be the pursuer and akk will always be the pursued” OMG EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is one of the biggest reasons akktheo hits different for me because that’s a dynamic i haven’t seen a lot of in bl. not to say that i haven’t seen “ukes” who fell first/are the one pining - i’ve seen many but theo’s brand of pining and pursuing akk just feels a bit different? idk how to explain it but i’m obsessed with our feral little harlot he’s the best

grocery shopping anon my beloved, adulthood solidarity

this is so funny though, i love everything here so let me reply to you in order

i legit had the same thought the other day during the live bc it was like "here's book and his daddy!" or "our fox daddy!" or stuff like that and i was like. this is hell. but also, they did this on purpose. the fans can't NOT call him daddy now? why did forcebook do this to us. i think the worst part is it's not just daddy but book is like "my daddy". would i be able to tolerate it more if force was just daddy (like, y'know, "that guy is very daddy") and not, y'know, book's daddy? idk. maybe. maybe not. either way, this is our cross to bear as forcebook stans

BRO THE EXPOSED CHEST HAUNTS ME. it was fully on display during the durian event. this video had me feeling like a victorian era gentleman catching the briefest glimpse of my lady's ankles. it put me in a state of which i have not yet recovered.

I'M GLAD THAT RESONATED i feel bad it was in a post about a garbage horny au bc i truly have so many feelings about that that dynamic of theirs. i think part of what makes it special is how theo goes about it as well? there's a few ships i think of where the uke pursues (intouch from uwma comes to mind as well as choi min hyun from kissable lips and meng shao fei from history 3: trapped) but something about the way theo does it, i find really titillating. i think it's because with theo, it's a ... kind of seduction? he doesn't just go "akk, i like you, i am going to come after you." no, he time and time again provides opportunities for akk to confess his feelings. he puts them in situations where they can grow closer. he courts him, even tho akk has no idea he's being courted for a bit there. i've never seen the uke court the seme in this kind of way and i really liked watching it happen. and when i say courting too -- i think of the dreamy romance of the night they spent together in episode 7. the drive with the top down. talking about confessing under the stars. "if you say i'm drunk one more--" "you're drunk". the photos. that one lingering hopeful look theo gives akk. that whole scene was a courtship and it was theo courting akk.

this post started with shamefulness and ended with meta ONCE AGAIN. I AM CURSED.

[batarangsoundsdumb]

hae interrogationes multae respondeant quia demens .

if you read this entire ask post you deserve a gold star and financial recompensation

Um, Obviously because when you’re adopted by a white guy you automatically become white duhhh

this is about this post lmao and yeah youre absolutely right, you have to hand your poc card in when you get adopted by a white guy.

Do you think Cass would listen to Yanni, the YouTube channel epic symphonic rock, or some other stuff? There's some cool mashups but idk if that's up your alley, I kinda feel like I'm pushing it with my weird taste of music by recommending an orchestra cover of metal, but i just love that sort of thing and mashups :P @harvestyourcherries 

i haven’t heard of that? but in my personal (correct) opinion steph listens to classical music, and then both modern and older, and then also stuff like black sabbath, iron maiden, but also hardrock and hardcore. i like the idea of cass just liking the most extreme screaming songs full of noise and then also listen to pachelbel’s 370th sonata yanno? THANK YOU for the rec tho

speaking of ur cass playlist hc...reminds of the time (yesterday) i found 2 playlists randomly on spotify from the same user. one was abt 3 hours of instrumental/classical "dark" & "nostalgic" music. the other almost 11 hours of nothing but hardcore bass/synth/electronic music. just an incredible tightrope act to put on in public. the synth one was also called like "psalms for synth sluts" which is Also incredible

tbh i LOVE synth SO MUCH like for no reason at all but then also cannot handle a poppy electronic beat lmao. but this seems like the kinda thing i’d do but just in one (1) playlist bc i just sort songs by vibe instead of genre? that’s how i end up with britney spears and billy ray cyrus in the same playlist. 

Oh, I want Kate Kane playlist next! It would be amazing if you could do one when you have time and will 🙏

how rude would it be of me to just say no? like sorry kate but idk you and also you seem way too keen on the us military for an institution that homophobically targeted you? (and also commits war crimes) but let’s unpack the fact that the institution that caused the death of your mom and sister and also got you blacklisted for being gay is still one you align with???

'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' 'yes i am' 'no you're not' --- when i tell you i fucking screamed LOL!!!!!!! i can imagine the cameraman not knowing if he should cut to commercial or keep it on these two weirdos fighting on stage (bruce definitely ruffled dick's hair/noogied him right?? 

about this post but yeah lmao. this cameraman just turns to like the audience to get a reaction and it’s just multiple moments of CLEAR shock.

you are the only funny person on this hellsite

how egotistical is it for me to say that i get this ask multiple times a month? bc it literally happens so often it’s hilarious to me.

Wish there was more john/Bruce content 😔😔😔 was so hungry I actually looked at canon media 😔😔😔 (Justice League Dark babeeeyyyyyy)

check out batman: damned for some mediocre content but at least it’s john/bruce (also very interesting story and stuff, just got very >:( over this weird part where harley quinn tried to r*pe bruce or something? it’s not for everyone)

dick grayson but he's nicki minaj

his anaconda don’t want none,,, unless...... 

Dick Grayson was never a cop, he played Marshall on Paw Patrol

you are SO right. also paw patrol is a fucking good show idc. that shit could’ve been the new steven universe on this hellsite.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CS1lI0bLI7-/?utm_medium=copy_link

...

why do people keep reposting my CONTENT. if you are not funny yourself don’t just grab shit off of tumblr and post it on insta,,, get a life. sidenote: should i start an insta and get all these ppl to take my content down that would be funny as hell.

Might I suggest for a Gotham City Meme: something about the true crime fandom thirsting for the rogues gallery

ok can i just say something slightly controversial?? no? i don’t find true crime ppl who are into criminals funny, that shits disturbing irl im not gonna bring that into my very chill universe.

i may have never seen a 'jason cleaning guns in sink' fic but i do know he WOULD

THANK YOU

bestie im sorry to say this to you but while you can, and people do wash their guns in the sink, that is a lot of lead in a very vital part of the kitchen.

people tend to do it in the bathtub.

WHY???? like damn why do you even have guns

i dont think i read many gun sink fics exactly but i have read lots of fics where jason cleanes his guns in the living room. usualy dissembles them and cleans them with a rag i think

lmao fair enough, like i think that’s a large part of what i remember as well.

if you say you've seen/read gun sink fics I believe you. I think those of us who didn't see them are lucky or maybe didn't search for fics by tags or something idk

i mean ive never sought them out but i HAVE seen them,, like definitely i know almost for certain.

saw your tags and I'm interested in Steph/Kara now. They would be the most chaotic couple <3

literally thoooo, i have a wip where they get together in a zombie apocalypse and like UGGGHhhh i am so in love with them.

I am the Breece anon. Thanks for the recommendation; am reading now. I’ve always been a hardcore Superman fan because I love my pure himbo farm boy. My logic is, if one Bruce is a Broose, then multiple Broose are a herd of Breece. And this is a hill upon which I will perish.

fair enough,,,, like moose, meese, goose, geese, bruce, breece. i get your logic and i stand by it as well. (glad you enjoyed the comic recs!!!!)

It's a beautiful day in Gotham, and you are a group of horrible Breece

OH my god dude lmao

there only being 42 fics on ao3 for tim and bernard is honestly so sad i need more

it’s like twice that now!!! we did it lads. (tho very sad that my fic isnt number one but like number 4 :((((  )

i'm too late you already did the poll lol but may i suggest bethy (bernard + timothy)

shit dude that wouldve been so fucking funnyyyyy. think ppl have just stuck to timber tho, tim/bernard kinda died down recently and i think it’s too bad, they’re a great couple and i love them.

Wait, hear me out

Bernothy @redlightofdawn

great recommendation (lmao this ask is from like a month ago) but very sorry to announce that NARDTH is the superior shipname

Wait, we know that bernard likes milfs (Tim's step-mom) but what about dilfs? gilfs?

Wait no, I regret sending that ask

these were two seperate asks and they’re HILARIOUS. in my personal opinion tho,,, milfs, gilfs, dilfs are just about vibes and bernard is just attracted to sexy ppl who may sometimes be milfs, dilfs, or EVEN gilfs.

crime in bludhaven would drop to half if nightwing had a boob window. in this essay i will-

WHERE’S THE ESSAY ANON, WHERE’S THE FUCKING ESSAY

Wait if Barbra and Tim r at opposite ends at all times what happened to Barbra once everyone’s Tim’s ever love before started dying lol

she won a lottery ticket and spent 2 weeks on a resort in the bahamas before returning home and finding out that the joker was arrested for tax evasion and then spent a month staying at her big tiddie goth girlfriend’s house before conner came back to life and she broke her pinkie playing table hockey.

Why is the opposite end thing so funny and compelling to me. Tim comes back from his depression quest for Bruce and Babs is now a literal god

lmao when tim loses his spleen barbara reaches nirvana.

Are you still taking music recs because I have three songs that remind me of Jason that I think you'd like

send to me or lose a toe

🌸 ⭐ put this star into the inbox of your favorite blogs. it’s time to spread positivity! ⭐🌸😋

thanks, i wont tho on account of i wont.

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMduBy3Sr/

⬆️

This is the whole of Blüdhaven and everyone anywhere.

Nightwings ass alone saves more people in a calendar year and does more for so society than most heroes do their whole career.Also u are one of the funniest tumblr pages out there. The vibes are unmatched and the memes and tags ✨send me✨.Thank u and goodnight @julia-flow 

fanksss also lmao.

That's going to be a little bit difficult to explain, but

There's some music that you listen to and you think, "oh my gosh, I can perfectly imagine Dick Grayson singing this song, with the same voice as the singer because that voice matches with Dick Grayson"?

oh yeah totally lmao. i have a lot of songs that i think are just entirely dick grayson yanno? kind of all of my playlists have that vibe, but i really find bleachers to fit with dick? idk.

"Lois lane/Superman" fics this, "Lois lane/Clark Kent" fics that, (/lh) let's get into the real good stuff. Some people ship Lois, Clark, and Superman as a throuple. Most popular fic tag for sure

yes totally, i think they’d be absolutely killer on ao3 and clark gets so fucking embarassed about it.

I miss your post, hope you’re doing okay!!

haha this was like 2 months ago, but i was doing fine then too! just didn’t have a lot of inspiration in terms of content.

Doot doot!

noot noot

I’m confused. What did DC do now? Like with nightwing? And another sibling? Please spoil everything for me

lmao they gave him a secret sister plotline where they had his dad cheat on his mom with tony zucco’s wife, bc dick’s life wasn’t traumatic enough yet.

sorry but it's so funny that batman is called "the dark knight" when the gotham city baseball team is called the gotham knights. it'd be like if a vigilante was running around new york called like "the scary yankee"

lmaooo no. but like yankee comes from dutch names or something so wouldnt it be HILARIOUS if gotham knights came from like german names and bruce would be running around called the dark KLAUS UND NIEK @graysonnightwing 

(not a batcest shipper) it’s so funny to me that the responses are “i’m a batcest shipper because i can differentiate fiction from reality and and it doesn’t bother me personally, but i understand why you oils think it’s weird” to “i wish all batcest shippers a very fucking die”

yeah lmaoo. i personally basically flipped my entire stance around to ‘i dont care please leave me and everybody else alone’ bc i think there’s really no point in starting a moral dillema over some fucking fandom bullshit. Please just,,, go home,,, log off, find a nice forest to have a little walk in and remember that somewhere in history, somebody probably died in the place you’re standing. and you will also die someday, and somebody will have to look at your internet usage and see you fighting multiple people anonymously while being named ‘nightwingsbuttchin200186′ like... calm down, we’re all gonna die this is not the thing to worry about.

so since like "wards" don't really exist in modern society almost all the batkids are foster kids, right? i used to work in the system and imagine: monthly visits from social workers and guardian ad litems, bruce having to get permission to take the boys anywhere out of state, calling their social worker at like 8 a.m. like "yeah dick broke his arm again... a gymnastics accident this time...." their poor social worker. bruce send her a huge bouquet and box of chocolates every month to stay on her good side

i imagine the social worker just getting into the case like ‘yeah let’s get this kid a good guardian’ and then ending up having to work with 22 y/o bruce wayne and his 50 y/o dad. and so this social worker is like ‘okay we can work with this, this is the best home i can find’ and then like it ends up landing on its feet and then the kid gets adopted and then they get a call a year later like ‘uhm so hi, this kid tried to steal my tyres can i adopt him?’ and like 3 years later. ‘okay so basically, my neighbours’ kid imprinted on me and now they’re dead, can i keep him?’ two years later it’s like ‘okay so this assassin child-’

ever since I saw that one post of yours, the meme that's something like "I know that abba's backup dancer got me" with a picture of discowing, I've been haunted. Every once in a while I'll be minding my own business then the image of abba's backup dancer dick grayson aka nightwing aka discowing will flash in my mind and I'll be frozen in place. Today at work I was in the middle of folding clothes and suddenly once again discowing entered my mind and I suddenly lost the ability to see anything except He. Thank you.

wow. the IMPACT.

Braver than any US marine man props to you🤝

this shit is about the time i wrote an article on batcest, like man,,, the fact that i didn’t get cancelled is MIRACULOUS. also like,,, uh if anybody on here did gossip on me,, send screenshots i’d love to see it.

Hello, just wanted to say your article was great. Thank you for taking the time to provide an unbaised answer. It should provide people with nuances they couldn't possibly conjure on their own.

May I ask where your username originates from?

yes you may (also thanks!!!) i thought it up when i was trying to find an original username bc i didnt want to be called like ‘timdrakes something something’ or ‘jason todd something smoething’ or ‘dick grayson something something’ yanno? so i thought batarangs, they sound so dumb and that’s my username story... now it’s my whole entire brand lmao.

yno that bit in kick ass where red mist asks kick ass if he wants a hit of his blunt, was that the inspo for stoner tim

no? it’s bc i think stoners are hilarious and drugs are great. (dont do drugs tho) 

How would u feel if someone actually wore one of those bruce or ollie pride shirts u edited

fenomenal next question.

Dick as lil huddy and Jason as James gave me radiation poisoning and now I’m screaming crying throwing up so thx for that

(Rico suave as Tim is perfect tho literally no changes needed)

i was so funny for that shit wasn’t i??? lmao i loved those weird ass fancasts

You're doing the Lord's work by providing us with all these Gotham/Metropolis citizens memes, thank you for being so relentlessly funny @nellethiel-aranel

you’re welcome!! i really enjoy making memes, but getting validation for my content and my memes is REALLY nice.

Bruce is such a slut in your memes and honestly i love that for him @rhodey-rhudert-rhodes-main 

he’s that much of a slut irl too dw.

Bruce and Alfred have an emergency pride flag for the batkids. Oliver Queen printed an emergency "I love my gay son" t-shirt and as soon as Roy told him he was dating Jason, Oliver started wearing that shirt everyday and Roy always cringes when he sees it. Oliver also has an emergency "I love my lesbian daughter" shirt just in case for Cissie.

lmao YES i had a post like this bc like all of their kids/family members are so gayy

stop bringing back batfam fancasts it is not real it is not real it is not- 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀😀

oh yes it is my darling.

did discowing burn down the notredam because he hates the bees? @allulily

no he did it bc fuck the french.

im gonna beg for 1 thing and 1 thing only. please please please put physical by olivia newton john on dick's playlist

okay then beg. bc i wont. physical reminds me too much of glee and that hurts me mentally.

your playlist is sorely missing some Madonna. Specifically Into the Groove, Like a Prayer, and Vogue

i’m scared of madonna that’s why she’s not on there. she haunts me in my dreams.

suggestion: son of batman by aaron dews for dick’s playlist🤩

sorry, i listened to it and the vibe didn’t agree with me.

Hear me out, metropolis citizens sending rare pair fics of Clark Kent x Superman fics to Lois to edit

yes, absolutely hilarious. even more funny if they send like physical copies, no address attached and lois sends it back marked with red ink, SOMEHOW

Imagine all the smut Clark must of read editing the fics

clark reads smut confirmeeed

NOT LOIS READING SUPERBAT PORN AND EDITING IT A 2AM 

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

hc that alfred is a meta that boosts healing factor of the people around him. if the bats are injured as much as they seem to be they would be doing bat stuff MAYBE half the year. no one including alfred knows about this. whenever the kids move out they inexplicably dont recover from injuries as fast and feel better whenever they visit the manor they just chalk it up to homesickness. bruce just thinks he heals really fast. alfred thinks everyone doesnt take care of themselves properly @finchcollector

that’s actually such a great idea, but i think that alfred would find out and learn how to concentrate it better so he can help more people, bc he’s great and i love him.

One of your dickfast posts reminded me of that tweet that goes: 'so you've had sex how many times? Yeah technically that's not a bromance' lol that's dickwally or dickroy

literally tho. like that’s all of dick’s friendships. once it gets past a certain time dick is like ‘wow i wonder what it would be like to make out with wally, wally come make out with me’ and wally’s like ‘we’ve done this like 40 times, dick, you know what it’s like’ and dick is like ‘sorry are you complaining?’ and they just make out.

superfam and batfam associations??

-batman and superman

-dick/barabara and supergirl?

-conner and tim

-jon and damian

pls enlighten me I am confused

nope,,, uhm batman and superman, but dick and superman as well, and then conner and tim, jon and damian and steph + babs with supergirl

I came across a fic in which Wonder Woman calls Batman "Stella" (like Stellaluna, the children's book) and I can imagine the batkids hop on the trend and maybe copies of the book appear at random places (aka, everywhere Bruce frequents)

sorry can’t reciprocate that was the name of my high school chemistry teacher and it gives me nightmares to think about.

good human what are your pronouns?

wouldn’t you like to know?

I need me some gothamites preferring harley over joker memes

everyone prefers harley over joker youre just very fucked up if you dont

don't understand why people try to add like veteran policy to the batfamily

dick pulling out his veteran batfam member card so he can eat first: step aside, peasants

Do you know the song Simmer by Haley Williams? It (the first verse anyways) reminds me of Jason? It's about rage.

damn yeah i LOVE HAYLEY!!!! youre right thoo

Okay so I like listen to your stoner Tim Drake playlist 24/7 but would he listen to skegss? Also I keep adding songs mentally it’s killing me 😩✋🏼 Anyways,, I literally love and worship your playlist 😃🤞🏼 And uh yeah have a good day ✨

stoner tim drake playlist is lyfeeee. also dont know who skeggs is? i’m stupid? have a good day!!

All the Robins (and Batgirl) decide to trade costumes for one night just to fuck with Batman and all the villains in Gotham. @subspacecadet 

batman knows it’s them youknow but like,,, what does he call them? he’s like ‘red hood?’ and 3 people answer and he’s not about to compromise some identities so he’s just Pissed.

I aspire to treat cops the way my dad treats them. This man is a 45 year old Asian immigrant to the US and the treats them like his pets. He talks about them like unruly children. Sometimes he pays off local cops to shut up and stop acting racist. And usually it works. I don’t know why but I can see Oliver Queen doing this

vibes... and also yes? oliver queen handing a local cop a donut to shut the fuck up lmao. but yanno i commit enough crimes to not really want to ever see a cop ever, so they kinda scare the everloving fuck out of me.

seeing as tim hasn't aged in years, that means he was 17 at peak emo tumblr era. im back on my emo tim bullshit and im not letting it go

emo tim had a wattpad account send tweet

People seem to think that batman is so dark and serious when the rainbow batsuit is right there. He wore it with no shame.

dude the 60s were a DIFFERENT TIME

dick grew up in a circus, jason grew up on the streets, and tim was probably raised by the internet

all of them cuss every other word and you cannot tell me otherwise

bitch i KNOW but dc has to change to an 18+ rating if they want to sell comix with swear words in them so we gotta deal with imagining the swear words in ourselves

thoughts on teen titans and young justice

haven’t seen teen titans on account of havent seen it and young justice was LITERALLY my favourite thing ever, tho i do gotta admit it’s not at all similar to the young justice comics unfortunately. i really wouldve liked to see timmy bart kon cassie and cissie animated on tv!!

ew ew ew how to delete batcest shippers I genuinely digust them

log off tumblr?

Okay as poc who was called racist for calling an Italian pastabrain: in the batfam are Italians bit Damian just yells various insults about the others being Italian. Just him yelling “What are you doing you moronic spaghettihead!” At steph etc

huh? i meant real italians. homeboy is telling steph he hopes she chokes on her fucking garlic.

I think it's dumb as hell to pull the batman is the best fighter in the batfam argument because like it's just irresponsible of Bruce to let his kids fight when they couldn't possibly be on his league or something

fair enough, but also like who cares they could all kill you just sit down and take a beating.

lady shiva, thalia al ghul and Selina Kyle are all milfs @notanothertimburtonenthusiastugh 

unfortunately, i have to admit,,, you’re right

why tf didn't someone give joker a death sentence already? like he's a mass murderer...give him the electric chair treatment wtf

idk i think plenty of people would have tried to murder him already (boring answer is: he is a popular character so they can’t kill him off bc he brings in lots of money)

There’s no such thing as “ copaganda”.

all american media is propaganda. happy to clear this up for you

is it bad that I find lady shiva owa owa

no. find her as owa owa as you want.

aight I'm guessing the order of your favs in batfam:

1. tim

2. Steph

3. dick

4. Duke

5. the rest

you’re wrong but it’s cute that you tried, i generally don’t have favourites, but i have a special place in my heart for steph, tim, dick and cass. bc they were like my introduction to batfam. but damian, jason, duke, bruce, babs and alfred are NOT FORGOTTEN OR UNLOVED

oh my god i was literally just readily willing to believe that italians werent white ty for clarifying it was a joke im so dumb sdkvjskdfs

i mean some italians aren’t white? italian is a nationality as well as an ethnicity, so like ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

since I saw so many people doing headcanons about the nationalities of batboys, I see Dick as an Italian.

dont know if youre serious or not, but sure.

super random but

jason 🤝 damian

old english

lmao fair enough.

tim absolutely has 1 gay uncle and his parents shit talk said uncle all the time so after bruce adopts him he specifically reaches out to this uncle to be like "heyyyy just so you know you majorly influenced my life yes i know i havent seen you since i was 5 and at the family reunion yes i know you dont remember my name idc thank you im gay too" and then they never talk again.

yuppp lmao that’s definitely something that could happen. i can also consider tim having no family members, like none. until he does like a dna test and he realises he has like an aunt living barely 2 miles away from him who’s like some illegitimate child of his grandpa.

I dare you one of them sends clark superman/clark fic and clark corrects the shit out of it and then goes like ps his dick is not that big, just telling as someone who has seen it. internet either explodes or goes who tf did he not fuck at this point.

i think everybody would call clark a buzzkill and try to cancel him over that.

so you're telling me Tim Drake wouldn't buy Starbucks?

no. dunkin donuts all the way

One of my favorite things is imagining people finding out jason came back from the dead and being like "oh no does he have magic powers now?!?!?" and he just pulls out a gun and tries to shoot joker

now he doesn’t even have the gun :) lmao

my favorite batfamily fanfictions are the ones where they use their shitty codenames, unironically, in any context

bruce gets codename ‘ugh’ everytime. he hates it.

crazy that tim being a 17 y/o ceo and a stoner who does brand deals are all actual canon things written in detective comics comics and not made up for shits and giggles by you, tumblr user batarangsoundsdumb @rowdeyclown

SO CRAZY HUH?

batman au where everything is the same but his utility belt is bright pink

absolutely, but i raise you, his boots light up like sketchers when he kicks people.

unbeknownst to the superhero fandom writers in the dcuniverse, clark and BRUCE are one of the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag on ao3. clark writes the best lois x superman angst, full of unhappy endings and scenes that are a so detailed you'd think you were in the middle of a superhero beatdown. bruce made an ao3 account to fuel "the do the butts match" thing, and makes batman/bruce fics from time to time. he wrote a superbat fic as a joke but ended up making it REAL porny. @concrastinator

dude they’re WAY too busy for that. Oliver Queen and Hal Jordan on the other hand are the most prolific fanfic writers in the superhero rpf tag writing what is Mostly porn.

When the dining table topic gets to politics, Steph says "eat the rich" as the solution

bruce just silently takes away her fork and knife while she’s talking.

[niks-minion]

Dariaaa! Nanamin is dead. I just posted that I liked him. Like, yesterday. And Nobara is maybe dead (she can't pls). And Yuji is in crisis mode, the poor boy. I hate Mahito. But he is funny. But I hate him. And Megumi is fucked up ( he is always being thrown around, the whump is strong with this one).

I finished it. Now I don't know what to do :(

Sorry it took me a while cause (referring to one of the most relatable characters here) - work is shit.

Anyhow, I’ve finished it too so let me ramble here a bit.

Spoilers alert.

Nanamin

Is dead. I would say it’s a good example of classic mentor/student relationship shonen move (like Jiraya and Naruto for example) where the person dies putting the legacy on his student shoulders and it leads the boy to a great character development. But it’s not awfully heart wrenching. You feel a quiet sadness and look forward to witness the growth of MC after it.

I’m sure we’ll see a lot of flashbacks with Nanamin down the road that send us into the crying pit.

(I won’t be surprised if somehow he is still alive tho)

Nobara

Modeling career: wasted.

Or?...😀

That girl is ok for sure.

I saw ppl creating a great art with her and Satoru with eye bands looking bad ass and it’s so cool!

Now she is the one whose power was recognized even by Mahito and nobody will dare to look down at here bc she is a girl. She is a competent sorcerer and I’m sure she will be promoted to rank 1 after this fight.

I’ve written it before, but one of my favorite things in jjk is that women characters don’t seem left behind or being there just for the sake of boys to shine. They have their meaningful histories, their bad ass moments, the whole chapters devoted to them. They fight alongside and they are not just a burden to be saved during the process.

Yuji

You know, in other manga titles I don’t usually like MC that much. It’s always someone else close to him. (Jjk is not an exemption per se but) I’m rooting for him, really. He is so funny to watch! I like how he may seem dumb on a daily basis but he cares deeply about ppl close to him, about his friends. And it doesn’t feel like he takes their spot in this story.

And his and Nobara country side vibe is hilarious! When I saw this animated I laughed out loud.

I like how special his bond with Fushiguro is. Not in the “I ship it” kind of way (yet) but. My favorite moment when nobara and him showed up to help him save his sis.

However I’m sure that This with lead to shit in the future.

Now it seems like we are near the big moment for him. Something is gonna after this. Nanamin showed him how important a strategy is, how to prioritize during the battle, so I hope Yuji takes all that and kick Mahito ass ( probably revealing some power level up) also that “ now I get that I’m not alone here” probably won’t go to waist. I thought so before ch 127. And look- his best bro is here to help him save the day ! 😀

Megumi

His back definitely won’t say ‘thank you’ for all this throws.

I won’t write shit ton of why he is the best boy here (I’ll do a separate post about it) just look at him, it’s enough to fall in love.

so let me just say that as a deuteragonist he’s gonna be ok too. He has Sukuna ( at least for now) to back him up! He just can’t die:)

Oh man, I should finish it already :)

Let’s stay tuned together for this mess!

[bangtansfavwriter]

💘bangtan as boyfriends: namjoon💘

(this cutie tho💕💗💞💓)

- the touchy kind of bf, your relationship can be described with one word: sensual

- bonds with you mentally and physically (👀)

- at the same time, very awkward with you when the guys are around

- but whenever it's just the two of you... oh my ..... you're in your own personal and highly intimate bubble

-a man of ... dualities... will talk about Aristotle with you and then ask you about your favourite pokemon

-will teach you about the richness of the finest wines while he's sipping on his capri-sun

-very passionate about your relationship and highly protective of you

-helps you deal with life in general, mostly with some daily tasks, will be ur mental support when actually can't be with you

-sends you pics of everything he finds interesting when he's away, there's a "joon on tour🌏💕" folder on your phone with pictures of unique statues, selcas, amazing food and loots of photos of landscapes and the sky. and of course.... 🦀☺️

- you cry at over trivia: love at least once/month, as it is the one song that always lifts your spirits, you once had an awful day where absolutely nothing was right and you crawled into bed in hopes to just fall asleep already (at 6pm smh) just to forget how shitty life can be sometimes. you listened to music, hoping that this would help you fall asleep, but no avail, you were just laying there, trying to keep yourself from crying. you didn't even notice that namjoon slowly snuck into the bedroom, until you felt the weight shift in bed and him pulling you into his chest. he knew. you knew by the way he held you and caressed your hair. "y/n?" he whispered and lifted your face to look at him. your teary eyes couldn't avoid his, but you couldn't complain. He smiled at you warmly, hugged you again and then softly sang the chorus of trivia: love, reminding you of his love for you (and laughed/cooed when you finally started sobbing)

-he took the supporting thing to a questionable level when he tried to cook for you and almost burned the house down and you reminded him of that incident everytime you saw a fire extinguisher, it became a running gag between you two

fire extinguisher:

you: oh, reminds me of the time you almost turned the kitchen to -

joon: i did it in good will and this is what i get

- manliest man in every other occasion, babiest baby when he's drunk, one loud mf tho (you once took scissors away from him when he was shit-faced drunk and he got emotional bc "you love me that much huh y/n, you protect meeee~, love you so so so much, y/n~", and you have to remind yourself why you signed up for this)

- very soft for you, will try to initiate cuddling but gets shy very often, you're his reminder that being soft and gentle is indeed something good

-will get inspiration to write when you guys are together, whether you are cuddling, going out somewhere or even fighting

-you cussed the shit out of him once when you trusted him to hand in an important paper for you, as you had fly to another country for urgent business and .... he forgot. he literally has no reason, he simply forgot and this was the only time you actually cussed at him and it was, well... believe it or not he wrote his cypher pt.V verse based on that

-and a heart-wrenching ballad after that because you were so mad that you said you needed a break, said break lasted 2 days after maknae line was at your doorstep and asked you to take namjoon back bc "he literally didn't sleep ever since your fight and barely leaves his studio" (jimin) and you knew that over working himself like this was a very obvious sign that he's not in his right mind, so you gave him a call and you two met up and reconciled ("your hook in cypher seemed awfully familiar tho" - "....i wrote a ballad for you" - "cypher always wins, joon" --- 2 years later it turned out said ballad became spring day pt 2, it wouldn't leave the charts --- "y/n, even the charts won't let me forget the one time i screwed up" - "and neither will i" - "petty lil shit")

- your thighs have become rock-solid bc this man would take u biking every damn weekend, "why are you wheezing like that?" - "idk, joon, maybe because my lungs are failing" - "don't be so dramatic, y/n" (proceeds to laugh about your misery)

-but he'd make it worthwhile with a nice picnic during the day

-makes it even better with a candle-lit dinner at a cozy restaurant near his place, that had fantastic pasta aglio e olio ("joon, this is the best food i had in a while, but you may have to carry me home" - "same, I'm so full but it was so worth it" - "hell yea, but...I'm serious about the carrying part" - "??" - " I can't move my legs" - "oh my god" - "this is what happens when im forced to do sports")

- you spent many cozy nights with him where you just pampered yourselves and talked about all sorts of things

-he could listen to you for hours, no one fascinates him as much as you do and he's convinced that you're the most hilarious person he's ever met, although you can't quite understand why he thinks that, he never really explained it either

-you have discussions about all sorts of things, he loves it when you challenge his views, bc that keeps the fire alive ya know

-tbh he's quite possessive , ngl there.. he once saw you joking around with jungkook who smiled and stared at you with heart eyes (!his opinion!)

- namjoon was very disgruntled but didn't say anything bc jungoo is babie and so are you, but it was a whole other thing when jin drunkenly flirted with you one day but it wasn't anything harmful tbh, yet namjoon was FUMING

-jimin was so kind to drag his hyung away from you, since you were too polite and too awkward to tell bangtans oldest off, but you knew how chaotic jin could be, especially when drunk, so you didn't bother much tbh..... but namjoon did. the following day, when you went over to theirs, a very distressed jimin opened the door. you shot him a quizzical look to which he simply said: "yesterday's aftermath". jin stormed towards the door when he saw you, which startled you, but jin grabbed both your hands and profusely apologised for his behaviour the day before. you noticed namjoon glaring in the back, while you listened to jin, who was unaware of namjoon in the back. "so are we good? we have to be good or namjoon's gonna kill me". you started laughing and reassured him and all of you were ok again, jimin took a deep sigh in relief.

- very loyal to you, almost fought a staff member who bad-mouthed you when your relationship became known to bighit

- that was the time you knew namjoon would always have your back, and you knew that this man was worth every kind of hassle that could await you and your relationship (like a unintentional arson by a clumsy man who just wanted to cook)

[ketchup-monthly]

Sanders Sides D&D 1

imagine virgil just cursing janus while out of combat, and theres one time where they end up going into a combat scenario while hes still cursed

but the thing with the curse is that if the creature dies while cursed, the warlock gains temporary hit points

so if cursed janus were to die, virgil would gain temp hp

Patton: omg, we need to save Janus Virgil, who cursed him yesterday: how about we let him die, then resurrect him later, yeah?

(roman and remus) lol they would totally just run into each other and instantly just hate

everyone else (except maybe patton) would figure out that theyre brothers but they would just deny it until their father (who maybe they were looking for) spelled it out for them

concept: they're an aasimar and tiefling both on a quest to find their long lost brother, but their both expecting their sibling to be the same race as them. they don't get along for both personality reasons and because, you know, aasimar and tiefling, but they're both in the party anyway

I just realized that as a changeling Janus can just change his height at will

Like to make a point to the twins when theyre acting up, he can change to be like 7 foot (still a medium creature tho)

But like. Subtly adjusting his height so much that no one notices until hes suddenly as tall as patton

"Im a growing boy" (true but also false)

tricking people by slowly growing/shrinking on them but trying to convince them it's the other way around

"dude, weren't you shorter a few minutes ago?" "i have absolutely no idea what you're talking about. are you feeling alright?"

"Youre getting taller" "No youre just getting shorter"

he gets like a full six inches on whoever he's pranking before they start really panicking

Except Virgil, who panics immediately

virgil also really notices bc in normal form, janus is only an inch shorter than him

despite being smart, Logan usually doesnt notice at all until Janus has gotten at least 4 inches taller, and then he knows whats going on

Virgil, realizing his sight line for Janus is slightly off: narrows eyes

roman takes a while to notice and he panics as well. remus thinks its hilarious. patton notices once Janus is taller than him (after 4 or 5 inches)

oh! because of the type of tiefling he is, Remus knows the vicious mockery cantrip

the thing is though, he would end up using it on the rest of his party too (everyone takes psychic damage on a failed wis save)

he would purposefully use it on his party members

as if he were a bard. he would try to inspire them but would instead harm them

remus is a barbarian who thinks himself a bard

he is a harbinger of chaos, we stan

he'd make your dad jokes at roman lmaoooo

not knowing hes talking shit about his own dad

he'd keep making them after they find out their siblings, probably tho

Roman: we have the same dad! Remus: >:)

im thinking about making romans name actually romulus but he goes by roman

bc romulus and remus

and bc roman seems to tame for a noble

okay so their dad is named Mars or some derivative of Mars, and their moms are Rhea and Silvia. Remus was in part raised by a beasthide shifter (the wolf kind) named Lupe (bc i need feral child remus)

probably romans mom was an aasimar and remus's mom was a tiefling (and while their dad was human, they ended up being an aasimar and a tiefling, respectively, bc dominant genes)

also the boys have inverted hair and eye colors

remus has dark hair with a white streak and red eyes, roman has white hair with smaller dark streaks all around and green eyes

as a drow, Virgil has light purple skin, white and purple hair, and eyes that have black instead of white and purple irises

Remus: hey, man, i need a heal Roman: no. go bother Patton Remus: Pat's out of heals Roman: Remus: dude, pls Roman: you are covered in muck and i don't even like you. no. no way Remus: Roman: Remus: please, brother Roman: ..........fine

roman heals him for 1hp

Roman: take a nap

what would be funny is if remus called roman his brother long before they knew they had the same dad but he did it to annoy him bc he knew roman hated it when he did it

Remus: hello, brother Roman: we're not brothers Remus: we're brothers-in-arms, aren't we? Roman: that's not the same! Remus: eh, close enough

Roman at Remus is the line from trail to oregon thats like "why am i even trying to help you, i hate you"

roman also just straight up refuses to heal janus, even when pat is out of spell slots

yeeee i have Patton as a druid but its just because i want his wild shape to be a giant frog (also druids are healers and have access to both cure wounds and healing word)

well in the first one, roman and remus are looking for their dad/the brother their mothers said they have

janus wanted to fuck shit up (not really, he was bored and annoying virgil is fun. and remus needed a babysitter)

(logan maybe knew roman previously and was sent as his babysitter)

romans got no brain cells. hes a noble on a quest. of course someone smart would be sent to keep him from dying

logan might work with Jan

(Bro, big dramatic reveal x chapters in, Jan knew Remus and romans father)

janus (handshake emoji) logan tired of keeping the twins from dying

i was thinking he was chosen by romans mom originally as like a "logan you are the only smart one please keep him from doing something stupid"

as a courtier, Janus would have known Roman and by extension Logan

so if hes really the one orchestrating the reason the main party got together, then (eyes)

virgil was a street rat, thats his background, so he likely knew at least of roman, janus, and logan. pat and remus are both wanderers of sorts, so that may be Pats connection to the main 4

okay but i had remus as an outlander, so like. maybe he was but then his mom took him away?

i had him as like a wild man child whose mom was like "hey you have a brother" and remus was like "sweet imma find him"

they were completely separate. romans mom was the daughter of a noble, so he was raised as a noble. remus's mom was either the daughter of a tribal chief or the chief herself, so he was raised like that. they had no idea that they had a brother. the moms likely knew, or they were told somehow by the dad, but they were completely separate

Mom: remus you have a half brother Remus: okay Mom: thats it? you're not shocked? Remus: mom do you think he'd like my bug collection?

(the answer is no, Roman does not like the bug collection)

Patton also does not like the bug collection

virgil and logan love it, and janus is used to it

so changeling janus, right? if he orchestrated it all, then he could have been in different forms in the court and in the tribal village

so like he knew basically everyone (but Pat, who Remus met and then kept)

Remus, to patton: I like your funny words, magic man

Remus, upon meeting Pat: so you like frogs Patton: ....yes? Remus: cool i like them too. they taste slimy. Patton: ??????? Remus: Patton: are you okay? Remus: nope! Patton: ....okay... Remus: wanna see my bug collection?

Remus, setting himself on fire: ahhahaaha nothing can hurt me Janus, quick to douse him in water: resistance is not the same as immunity!!!

[mimi-cee-hq]

Notice me, Y/n-senpai - Yamaguchi x Reader

So this is the first time I’ve done a match-up. I offered to do one because I thought it’d be fun. I don’t know how I thought of this so quickly though. I guess when inspiration comes… I have a bit of a writer’s block with Accidental Confession at the moment. I hope you like how I characterized an anime version of you in my style of writing. I went a bit more with your empathy trait and exaggerated some other things too.

Request from @haikoo​:

well physically i would say im tall (5'9) and im just the average body. my hair is blonde and i have light brown eyes also i wear glasses bc im literally blind. i’m usually very rational and logical, and im very observant which makes me look very serious and maybe even rude bc of my facial expressions but im actually very energetic, nice and easy to talk to. im always making people laugh despite all my sarcasm and humor and i enjoy making new friends. i used to play volleyball (where i put my observation skills to use) but i dont anymore bc of an injury. i love being organized even tho sometimes i don’t follow my own rules, and im definitely a perfectionist which makes me usually overwork myself. lastly, im very enpathetic.

Summary:

Y/n helps a certain player get more noticed by his coach, not knowing how embarrassed she’ll be when he uses her tactic back at her. A funny and cute “notice me, senpai” match up one-shot where y/n is the senpai.

Preview:

“It’s fine,” Y/n said with a laugh, “You don’t have to do it. I mean, I think it would be hilarious, but if it makes you uncomfortable-”

“I’ll do it,” he replied.

“What?” Y/n said. It caught her off-guard since she was not expecting that.

“I’ll do it,” he said again, with the same determined face that she had noticed during his matches. “I’ve always admired people with the confidence to do something like that, so I’ll force myself to do it.”

Notice me, Y/n-senpai! - Yamaguchi x Reader

AO3 link if you want to read there instead

Words: 3,004

Tanaka and Nishinoya were energetically chatting in their classroom - things like Kiyoko-senpai as well as their volleyball team. Y/n wasn’t surprised that school work wasn’t one of those topics though.

“I don’t know how your team will cope now,” Y/n commented to the two of them. “Two of your best receivers graduated.” Y/n had known about their team because she was at the game against Shiratorizawa, cheering in the stands. Her friend had suggested to her that she should go. She had thought Y/n’s energetic personality would be perfect for the job. Y/n definitely went, especially since she loved volleyball.

“Wait a moment,” said Tanaka with a glint in his eye. “Do you know what’s the difference between a serve receive and a dig?”

“Of course,” Y/n answered. “You have to bump the ball for both, but one is from a serve and the other is from a spike.”

Nishinoya’s eyes lit up, as if catching onto why Tanaka was asking. “Do you know what a free or chance ball is?”

“Yeah,” Y/n said like it was obvious. “It’s when the opponents aren’t able to attack so they just lob the ball back over the net.” The two gave each other a look while Y/n was just confused. “I don’t get it. You two already know that I-”

Tanaka and Nishinoya suddenly picked up Y/n, all 5’ 9" of her, and carried her to a second year class. “What are you doing?!” she yelled out at them. She couldn’t believe that the 5’ 3" short libero was one of the guys carrying her.

Y/n suddenly found herself in front of Yachi. She stared at her for a moment, noting that she was really short. She looked at her more closely and figured that she was almost a foot taller than her. She wondered if she had always had a kouhai this cute in her school.

“S-sorry!” apologized Yachi to her. “I- I’m really bad at being a manager.”

Y/n got confused as to why she would apologize to her for something like that. Apparently, Y/n missed Tanaka’s explanation on how Yachi needed help with recording statistics for the team.

“Could you stop making that face?” asked Tsukishima. “You’re scaring Yachi.”

When Y/n realized that she was staring at Yachi a little too intently, she said, “Oh sorry!” She started to say, “I’m actually really friendly! I just-.” She stopped, initially wanting to explain that she only looked rude or scary when she was thinking about something, but she wished that she didn’t have to explain it every time. “Never mind.”

Later, Tanaka and Nishinoya introduced Y/n to the team as they waited for their opponents to arrive for a practice match.

“Is she Tsukishima’s sister?” asked Hinata.

“Yes,” Tsukishima sarcastically replied. “All girls with blond hair, brown eyes and glasses are my sisters.”

“Really?” said Hinata with sparkles in his eyes as he looked at Y/n.

“No,” Tsukishima answered as Yamaguchi snickered at him.

As the teams warmed up before the game, Y/n sat at the bench beside Yachi. She analyzed the players’ different forms and strengths as they practised their serves.

“What’s with her face?” Kageyama commented.

“She looks like she’s planning a murder,” added Tsukishima.

“Maybe because I am,” Y/n said sarcastically.

Tanaka stepped in to defend her and said, “You shouldn’t be talking about a girl’s face like that!” Tsukishima commented that Tanaka probably got offended because he looked like that pretty often. But then he looked away when Tanaka glared at him as if he was going to kill him. Y/n laughed at how Tanaka looked and decided that she didn’t have a favourable impression of either Tsukishima or Kageyama.

When the game started, Y/n took a glance at the players on the sidelines, cheering for their team. She recognized a few of them, especially their pinch server. She remembered when she was on the sidelines too and sympathized with them.

“Yachi,” Y/n asked, “do you have footage of your other matches?” Yachi later gave them to her, not realizing what Y/n was about to get into.

Y/n decided to binge watch all of their matches that night and as a result, she was sleepy the next day. It wasn’t like she hadn’t watched some of their matches before. She had made sure to watch their tournament games whenever they were on TV. She just wanted to get a second look of their games with the ability to pause in between plays. Y/n started by recording the stats for each game by counting every spike, block and dig per person, but it was too much work and it felt useless, so she just started to write her own notes based on her observations. So at their practice, a sleepy Y/n told each player on the team what they could improve on.

“How did you analyze so much?” Tanaka and Nishinoya asked with their jaws dropped.

“Oh, I actually have more,” Y/n grinned as she showed the rest of her notes. Inside an organized notebook, she had a page worth of content for each player. She had written their name, profile, strengths and weaknesses, and even detailed steps on things they could do to improve.

Tsukishima looked at her like he wanted to say a sarcastic comment, but he couldn’t because her notes were too accurate.

“I think you just don’t like that she pointed out your weaknesses,” Yamaguchi laughed at him. He looked at Y/n with a smile. “I’m surprised I’m in there too, especially since I’m not a starting player.”

“Of course I didn’t overlook you!” she said. “You’re the ones who want to improve the most!”

She could see that Yamaguchi really appreciated it. She had also written down their goals that she had gotten from Yachi, so she knew that Yamaguchi wanted to be a starting player and to have a bigger presence on the court.

“By the way, you look really tired,” noted Yamaguchi. As if he noticed something about her, he asked, “When did you start making these notes?”

“Last night.”

“What?!” he freaked out at the fact that she stayed up late just to help their team.

“Oh, this kind of happens often because I’m kind of a perfectionist and I can get carried away with things,” she told him. “But don’t worry! I’m used to this!”

Yamaguchi just sweatdropped at her, “Of course you’ll make people worried about you. You’re making me worried right now.”

Over the next month or two, Y/n continued to watch some of their practices and assisted Yachi and the coach whenever she could. So when they didn’t make it to the nationals the next time around, it pained her to see them lose their game, knowing how hard they had worked. She noticed that Yamaguchi was also trying to figure out a way for them to get over their loss and to encourage them to keep trying harder. Y/n wanted to help as well, but instead, she thought of a silly idea, which may or may not help.

She approached Yamaguchi one day, telling him that she had an idea that would cheer up the team and would also get him noticed by the coach. If he did it, you could say that he’d have a bigger presence on the court without even trying. So when she told him her idea, he freaked out, which she expected.

“It’s fine,” Y/n said with a laugh, “You don’t have to do it. I mean, I think it would be hilarious, but if it makes you uncomfortable-”

“I’ll do it,” he replied.

“What?” Y/n said. It caught her off-guard since she was not expecting that.

“I’ll do it,” he said again, with the same determined face that she had noticed during his matches. “I’ve always admired people with the confidence to do something like that, so I’ll force myself to do it.”

For some reason, his determination had caught her eye again. But the next day, you could say that Yamaguchi started to chicken out.

“Where did all that determination from yesterday go?!” asked Y/n as she tugged on Yamaguchi’s arm to pull him into the second gymnasium. “Do you know what I had to do to get this costume for you? I have to do my brother’s chores for a week now!”

“I didn’t think I’d look like this!” Yamaguchi yelled back.

They both froze when they saw Tsukishima walking along the path between the school and the gym. He also froze when he saw Yamaguchi. Y/n could see the drops of sweat on Tsukishima’s head forming. He then proceeded to the gym as if he didn’t see anything.

“Tsukkiii! Help me!” cried out Yamaguchi.

“What kind of guy ditches his best friend like that?!” Y/n yelled after him.

But of course he would be embarrassed by Yamaguchi at that moment. He was wearing a chicken costume. But that wasn’t all. He wore a t-shirt over it that said, “I’m going to be a starting player. So if you become a chicken, I’ll take your position!”

“BAHAHAHAHA!” Tanaka and Nishinoya both laughed at him after Y/n finally got him inside. Yamaguchi placed a hand on the wall, forgetting why he did this in the first place.

“Well, this would definitely get me noticed,” said Yamaguchi. “But this won’t improve my skills.”

“You should do both,” Y/n grinned at him. “Get the coach’s attention while you improve on your skills.”

“I guess we can’t let ourselves get too discouraged about the preliminaries now when we have to worry about Yamaguchi taking our position from us,” said Tanaka with a grin.

“Well, he could take a middle blocker or a wing spiker position,” said Kageyama. “But it’s not like he could be a setter.”

“Who knows,” said Y/n. “With how hard he works, it’s not impossible.” Yamaguchi gave her a look as if she were crazy.

Yamaguchi sighed, “I still can’t believe I wore this.”

Y/n just smirked at him. “You know, I thought it was actually really cool that you were determined to do this in the first place.” Yamaguchi blushed at her comment. “But it seems like you have a daily limit of confidence,” she laughed.

*****

Yamaguchi got to know Y/n better over the months at school and practice. Since she liked making new friends, she somehow kept pulling him into her antics. She told him that she was surprised that he could keep up with her energetic personality. He figured that someone had to take care of her.

“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask,” said Yamaguchi. “Do you have any suggestions on how I can spike harder?”

Y/n went on to explain things like proper spiking form and that he would need to twist his whole body to get strength from all of his muscles. “I’d show you, but I injured my shoulder.”

“What?!” exclaimed Yamaguchi as he panicked. He felt so bad that he didn’t even notice it these past few months. “Ugh… I feel like a horrible friend.”

“It’s fine. It’s not like I brought it up before,” said Y/n. She continued to explain that she kept practising her spiking swing at home, which overworked the tendons in her shoulder. So during an actual game, she had spiked the ball and then she had felt a sharp pain, which ran from her shoulder and down her back. But since they had been so close to winning, she had pushed through the pain.

After learning this, Yamaguchi did some research on muscle pain. He bought all of these medical supplies for Y/n. But then later, Y/n told him that he didn’t need to because she was already working with a physiotherapist. Yamaguchi couldn’t believe that he did all that research for nothing, but she still appreciated the effort.

One day, Yamaguchi walked down the school hallway with Tsukishima. When he peaked into Y/n’s classroom, he noticed that Y/n was chatting with Tanaka and Nishinoya. He sighed, commenting that he wished he was a year older. “She’s only a year older,” replied Tsukishima. “I don’t get why the whole senpai/ kouhai thing matters so much to people.”

Yamaguchi flinched in shock that Tsukishima knew that he was talking about. But then again, he knew that Tsukishima was pretty perceptive, so he shouldn’t have been surprised. “I just don’t know how I can get her to notice me.”

“What do you mean?” snickered Tsukishima. “She introduced a perfect method to you.”

*****

Y/n walked into the gym, expecting a regular practice, but when she saw Yamaguchi, her whole face turned red and she yelled out, “What the heck is that?!” He was wearing a custom-made t-shirt with Y/n’s face on it, saying, “Y/n-senpai is really cool!” Yamaguchi struggled to give an answer right there, especially with his teammates laughing their butts off. So Y/n dragged him out of the gym and asked him what was going on.

“I- I just wanted you to notice me, Y/n-senpai,” said Yamaguchi timidly.

“What do you mean? You’re my friend!” she replied.

“I mean as a potential boyfriend. B- But I don’t expect you to like me back right now,” he said as he started to get flustered. “I figured that I’d get you to notice me while I worked on getting you to like me.”

Y/n blushed at his direct confession. She thought it sounded familiar, but then she realized that was the same advice she had given him to get the coach’s attention. She giggled at Yamaguchi for using her tactic, but she was suddenly conscious of how close his face was to hers. He was only about a couple of inches taller than her so she got a good view of his freckles.

“Y- You don’t have to do use that t-shirt to get my attention!” Y/n told him. “Do you think I’m blind or something?” When he didn’t answer right away, she added, “Okay, I’m basically blind without my glasses, but you don’t have to wear a t-shirt with my face on it.” She then turned her head away from him and muttered, “Besides, I had already noticed you.”

When Y/n had been in the stands at the Shiratorizawa game, she had noticed Yamaguchi freaking out before their big match. They had needed to win three matches against the powerhouse school. She had known that they still had a chance since they did somehow make it to the finals.

She had been surprised when Yamaguchi was subbed in. When she had realized that he had been there as a pinch server, she had found it interesting because she had never had a pinch server on her team before. When he had been subbed back out, she had thought it must have sucked to only be able to play for one rotation per set. He must have wanted to be able to play even longer.

Y/n had thought it was really cool anyway because she saw he was still a very valuable player as a pinch server. He had to ability to turn the game around with how good his serves were. She had later wondered what happened to the nervous boy she saw earlier. During his serve, he had looked a lot cooler and more confident.

When she had found out that she could have an opportunity to actually help the team, of course she had gotten too carried away. She had wondered why she was working so hard, but had just brushed it off, thinking that it was her perfectionist side coming out again. When she had seen how much Yamaguchi appreciated her work, she had wanted to help him even more. She didn’t know when her empathy turned into actually having a crush on him.

“I like you too,” she said with a blush.

“What? Really?” Yamaguchi was shocked.

“Why do you think I worked so hard on analyzing the team’s matches? I was especially attentive when I was writing stuff for you.” Y/n said with a blush. “I even did my brother’s chores for a week for you to get that chicken costume.” Yamaguchi chuckled at that memory with her. “So you don’t have to wear that embarrassing t-shirt anymore,” she added.

“Oh, okay,” he replied with a smile.

When he suddenly started to take off his shirt, Y/n panicked and said, “I didn’t mean that you should take it off now, you idiot!” Y/n smacked the back of Yamaguchi’s head. “Do you think you’re Tanaka or something?”

At the next tournament, Yamaguchi stood on the court, shaking like a leaf as he and the rest of the starting players showed their jersey numbers to the referee. From the second floor, Y/n noticed how nervous he was and energetically called out to him. “Yamaguchi!” When he looked up, she placed the tips of her hands on her head to form a large heart. Yamaguchi chuckled at her as she continued to hold the heart above her head and added a silly dance. Tsukishima still thought she was annoying while Hinata told him that he should be happy that Y/n helped Yamaguchi relax.

Bonus - (because of the liars headcanons I read)

“So… if you want to be my boyfriend, Tsukishima can’t be your best friend anymore,” said Y/n. When it looked like Yamaguchi was actually considering it, she cut off his train of thought. “Wait! I was just joking!”

Yamaguchi said, “I know and just wanted to scare you.”

“Where did you learn to fake like that,” she said as she narrowed her eyes at him.

“Our other setter taught me,” he said as he grinned. “He graduated in March.”

“I guess he must be like Tsukishima then because I thought Tsukishima taught you,” she said. Yamaguchi just laughed at how wrong she was.

Author’s Notes

I hope you liked it. I can’t seem to get away from my headcanons from Accidental Confession. lol. Y/n is kind of similar to my side character OC, but not at the same time.

Masterlist

[ellagracehargreeves]

“The Spark” Music Playlist.

Here’s the Playlist on Youtube! The songs are also individually linked below!

I don’t have spotify or any of the other music things because I don’t listen to much music and I am BROKE! 

(PLEASE GOD DON’T MAKE FUN OF MY VIDEOS IF YOU LOOK, I WAS A SMOL DUMBASS CHILD I SWEAR I’M LESS CRINGY NOW OK, I PROMISE.)

Love y’all. And I love these songs, Here’s why:

Lean on me - Bill Withers : Ella’s lullaby. Vanya started singing it to her around the age of 1 when she heard it on the radio at the 7/11 while she was trying to calm a fussy Ella. She began singing along with the song as a last ditch attempt, and it surprisingly worked like a charm. Ever since then, Cara and Vanya, mostly Vanya, sing it to Ella sometimes at bedtime, substituting the words with “Mother” and “daughter” when needed. It always calms Ella down.

Hazy Shade of Winter - Gerard Way (feat. Ray Toro) : …. Duh. Plus this gets me hype for Ella being powerful and happily violent and just being a part of the Hargreeves clusterfuck. ….This just slaps.

Cold Blooded - Khalid (slowed) : So this doesn’t fit entirely, but basically to me this feels like what Vanya feels when she’s empty, sad, and just blank, but then she sees her daughter being happy. It doesn’t erase the deep sadness within her, but it strengthens the resolve that she has. She will give everything she has for her daughter, just to make sure she’s warm and happy. Also this song makes me think of Ella forcibly cuddling Vanya on the couch when she is having a bad day.

(Slowed Down) Elastic Heart - Sia : Just…. V a n y a.

Dancing with your Ghost- Sasha Sloan : This song makes me think of Vanya and Ella and Cara, being happy and dancing together and making memories, but at the same time Vanya struggles with her guilt involving her siblings. She can see them sometimes within her girl, she can see them as she makes the memories. She feels like she doesn’t deserve to be happy, because she never has. She struggles with that feeling when she feels so happy her heart could burst. This song also makes me think of the relationship between Cara and Vanya, it just makes me think of Vanya trying not to cry over something but then Cara pulls her head down to her lap and runs her fingers gently through her hair and Vanya can finally let it out and it’s peaceful and happy.

(Slowed down) I found - Amber Run : Vanya…… If the commission wins.

(Her mouth is open in a silent scream as she cradles the small body towards her, this can’t be happening, no no no nonononono not her baby-

Why aren’t they helping her- Please, she’s hurt, can’t you see-?- She can’t tell the difference between her tears and those of the heavens, between the tears on her face and the blood on her hands-)

(She is no longer herself, she is a steadily growing drum-beat of pure pain and grief and power and she is not thinking but the very earth shall pay for the blood that has spilled, HER FLESH AND BLOOD-)

Somebody That I Used To Know (slowed down) - Gotye (ft. Kimbra) : The Hargreeves siblings and Vanya, after her betrayal is revealed. They feel like they should’ve been told about Ella, even if they weren’t close to Vanya at all, which is valid. But Vanya remembers them as being cold and shitty to her and tbh she’s only telling them for Ella’s sake. Plus this song is just melodramatic and I feel like it would fit the Hargreeves in any situation. Like, I can see Klaus or Diego stubbing their toe and then having this song playing in their head. They’re all extra as hell and this song works for any betrayal.

( slowed down ) lovely - Billie Eilish (ft. Khalid) : This is honestly one of my favorite songs, especially slowed down. I just listen to it while writing because it’s beautiful. But it also kinda reminds me of Vanya and her glass wall, constantly struggling with the feeling of being trapped and being stuck within her childhood abuse. She fights against it for Ella, her beautiful Ella, who gives her hope no matter how trapped she feels. This song is just a sad bop tho. Good shit.

Night Bus (Slowed) - Gabrielle Aplin : A happier sounding bop, but still slow and chill. I know it’s about lovers, but we ain't gonna take it that way okay. 

“I’m on my way home to you for the last time” obviously doesn’t fit, because Vanya wouldn’t leave her daughter alone, ever, but this song kinda makes me think of Vanya gradually letting Ella go and letting her be her own person. Like, she’s still her mom, and this song also makes me think of the love between them. It makes me imagine Vanya watching Ella play in the park, or maybe watching her interact with the other girls at Gym, and thinking to herself “She’s got this. She’ll be okay. I don’t have to stay so close, she’ll still come back to me in the end even if I let her go.” 

Also, this song is calming but happy, instead of most of these which are calming and sad. I needed a happier song, one that made me think of hugs and playing outside and having snowball fights and happy squeals and playing tag with wide involuntary smiles and flushed cheeks. In short: ‘Tis a bop. A happy bop. Happy times.

revenge (slowed & reverb) - xxxTentacion : Makes me think of Vanya, disillusioned, believing that her siblings have known about her powers this entire time. Makes me think about her thirst for revenge, to make them feel the soul-deep infraction against her. Makes me think of Vanya being torn between keeping her daughter safe, keeping her terrified daughter comforted, and her revenge. Torn between holding the one she loves most and punishing those who were supposed to love her. It makes me think of agonizing indecision.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I don’t know if this scenario will happen in the fic! I’m not sure how things will go down, and how Vanya will find out and react to her powers. I’m making this shit up as I go! But this song made me think, “What if?”

Dollar For Your Sadness - Unlike Pluto : (They hurt her daughter, her world, her Ella, She will DESTROY them, ALL OF THEM-)

JOLT - Unlike Pluto : The lyrics perfectly describe Vanya’s eternally growing resentment, her struggle of trying to forget her childhood, her trauma, her siblings, while raising her daughter. Trying to leave the past behind so she can move on with her Ella and Cara, her real family. They’re all she has now. Aren’t they?

(Also, Jolt. Electricity. Sparks. Heh heh heh. I’m so clever.)

Villain of My Own Story - Unlike Pluto : I’m unsure of this one, not sure if it fits. Vanya getting fed up with her siblings’ muttered remarks and snide comments? (*unconvincing cough* Diego and possibly Luther) Her just going “yknow what fuck all y’all you can suck a cattapilla dick” and being angery and pissed off? Tbh I just put this song in here because I discovered Unlike Pluto yesterday and went feral. 

Maybe Vanya during the explanation, or her when she snapped at Diego? (The first time) or maybe it’s just her feeling so put down and invalidated and such a failure that she just goes “fuck this.” Vanya when Ella got bullied? It makes me think of the moments where she’s ticked off and her powers show up but just barely bc she eventually calms herself.

It makes me envision a young girl, possibly Vanya, idk, in tattered, dirty clothes, running down an alleyway in slow motion, and all I can see is the back of her hair flowing in the wind as she runs, the bottoms of her feet as she takes another step. I can see her checking behind her to see if she’s being followed, her hair whipping on her face so she can hardly see. It makes me think of frustrated anger, just an overall feeling of “FUCK THIS SHIT.”

Whatever. I listen to it when I write. It’s in the playlist.

Stay and Decay - Unlike Pluto : (Cartoon masks and gunshots. Flashing lights, ears covered tight, eyes squeezed shut, tears staining her cheeks, fear-)

(Mommy? Mommy! Mommy, no, nonono-) 

(There’s dark blood staining her small, small hands- they hurt Mommy, they hurt her, she’ll hurt them- Mommy’s blood dripping- spilling, flowing- onto the wood floor and why won’t it stop-)

(-MommyMommyMommy- Please Mommy, I’m scared-!)

(She’s running after them, her feet hitting the ground, her mother’s blood splattering behind her, Mommy yelling garbled, broken protests- ringing ears, pounding heart, eyes sparking green, r a g e- )

(-she’ll get them, she’ll hurt them, she has to, THEY HURT HER MOTHER-)

Rocky Mountain High - John Denver : :) this is Cara’s favorite song, and my mother likes it as well :) Cara hums it a lot, and sometimes she sings it to Ella. Vanya’s not approving of it, because the song is about WEED, but she doesn’t do anything to stop it. Cara finds the hidden meaning hilarious when she sings it to the child.

everything i wanted (slowed + reverb) - Billie Eilish : Vanya has everything she needs, but she’s still drowning inside herself. Vanya has everything, yet she still feels so so dead. But Cara holds her, smelling like forest leaves, and Ella smiles at her, looking like beautiful starlight, and they make it better. They will always make it better, and she loves them.

The Phoenix - Lindsey Sterling : Ella. Ella, dancing in the air. Ella, hugging her mother tightly. Ella, sweet, gentle Ella- bright as the sun itself, Ella, powerful Ella. Ella, her happy light infecting everyone she meets, Ella, her excitement emerging in response to every new thing she encounters. Beautiful, beautiful, chaotic Ella- adjusting reality with a twitch of her finger. Ella, summoning a tornado full of destructive everyday things with a single tantrum. Ethereal Ella, dancing and laughing and smiling and hugging and throwing and yanking and crushing and destroying Ella. Just… Ella. Loving, Obliterating Ella.

That’s all I have for now! I gotta admit, writing all that out kind of drained me. I might reblog this with additions as I add them, if you guys want! Thanks for checking out this glance inside my process.

[sagexbrush]

keep your head up (i’ll lay my heart down)

or read it on a03

From: Unknown Number 

[9:30 AM]

hey so do u maybe want to talk about tonite?  

To: Unknown Number

[9:31 AM]

I think you have the wrong number.

From: Unknown Number

[9:32 AM]

wait so you’re saying this isn’t kayla?

To Unknown Number

[9:33 AM]

No, this isn’t Kayla. Looks like someone gave you the wrong number.

“Is Amy texting someone?” Gina asks loudly, peering over Amy’s shoulder.  She always has a habit of popping up in the most unexpected places. 

Amy jumps about a foot in the air and promptly shuts her phone in the nearest possible drawer. 

“On her personal phone?” Gina adds, helpfully. The personal phone was something that Gina and the others never ceased teasing her about. At first, they’d thought Amy was hiding something from them until she told them the reasoning behind it. 

She had gotten the advice from her first ever Sergeant. 

“You ever want to survive this place?” The older woman had said, “then keep two phones. That way you know if it’s a personal emergency or a work emergency.”

Amy considers that woman (wherever she may be) to be her first ever mentor, so of course she had two phones. That way she could also keep her work line clear for a real emergency. Except that her coworkers seemed to think it was hilarious to send gifs of kittens in the group chat instead of actual crime info (thanks so much Jake).

“It was just someone who had the wrong number,” Amy says quickly, before she can really think about it. 

“Oh Amy,” Gina says, shaking her head slowly. “You say that like it was supposed to make it sound better.” 

Amy makes a face at her. 

That’s when Jake approaches them. He doesn’t have the perp he was chasing down with him, so Amy assumes that his bust didn’t go quite as perfectly as he’d bragged. He’s holding his (solitary) phone and frowning down at it. “What are we talking about?” 

“Amy’s pathetic life,” Gina supplies helpfully. 

“It is not pathetic - “ Amy protests but Jake merely nods like this is a factual statement. “I can’t stand any of you people,” she says, spinning her desk chair around. 

“Gina I think you gave me the wrong number, are you sure this is what - “ 

“Jake, I am not your personal assistant.” 

She doesn’t check her personal phone until later that night. Really, maybe Gina is right. Amy is pathetic. She has a phone for work and a personal phone, and half the time she forgets that the personal phone exists. The wrong number text had been a surprise, for god’s sake. It was perhaps time to resort out her priorities. 

There’s only two messages: one is a text reminder from her doctor’s office and the other one if from the unknown number from earlier.

From: Unknown Number

[9:34 AM]

no no, i wasn’t trying to hit on kayla. kayla is my dad’s gf and she was supposed to tell me when he’s next flying thru.

Amy shouldn’t text back. Pathetic, Gina’s voice says in her mind. 

Ha, Amy thinks back. I’ll show you. I can have a conversation with someone outside of work that’s not family or Kylie. 

To: Unknown Number

[8:02 PM]

Sorry for assuming things. Sorry about Kayla. Sounds rough.

From: Unknown Number

[8:10 PM]

ah no you’re good. for the record tho, the ladies love me. 

To: Unknown Number

[8:11 PM]

Have you ever heard of humility?

From: Unknown Number

  [8:17 PM] 

only nerds know big words like humility

To: Unknown Number

[8:20 PM] 

That’s not even a big word.

From: Unknown Number

[8:22 PM]

send me a big word 

To: Unknown Number

[8:24 PM]

Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.

From: Unknown Number

[8:30 PM]

i see what u did there.

One failed case and a day later: Amy feels like throwing something at a wall. Or maybe something out a window. Or herself out that window. Or Jake. Yes, that’ll do. She’ll throw Jake out a window. 

“Do you want something Peralta?” She snaps, when she notices Jake is staring at her instead of filling out his arrest report. His successful arrest report, because of course he was successful today. (She’s conveniently forgotten about his failure yesterday.) 

“Only to ask if I should evacuate the premises because you look like you’re about to melt something with your laser eyes.” He’s clearly trying to be funny, his mouth quirked up in that infuriating smirk. Even his posture speaks of relaxation, leaned back with his shoulders slumped. Lucky him.

“Oh shut up,” Amy snaps. It’s harsher than she usually is with Jake and he recoils slightly in surprise. She allows herself to feel exactly two seconds of guilt and then refocuses on the task at hand. She can do this. She’s a Santiago, after all. 

Her concentration lasts for about three more seconds until her phone buzzes. 

From: Unknown Number

  [1:42 PM]

i realize this is a weird question to ask bc we’re not really friends but r u a girl? 

From: Unknown Number

  [1:42 PM]

not in a creepy way. i need advice on a girl situation and all my other girl friends know too much.

Amy looks up. Rosa and Charles are out on a stakeout, Holt is securely in his office, Terry is filling out his paperwork and Jake is texting someone on his phone. Surely no one would mind if she did some texting of her own. Jake wasn’t the only one could bend the rules. 

It’s with a sort of defiance that she continues their conversation. 

From: Unknown Number

[1:43 PM]

if it makes it seem less creepy, ur name is mary poppins in my phone.

To: Unknown Number

[1:44 PM]

You saved my number?

From: Unknown Number

[1:44 PM]

i promise i’m not a creeper you just seemed like a nice person to talk to

Amy hesitates, before adding his number as a contact into her phone. She looks for a moment at his real number…it almost looks familiar? She brushes that notion aside, it’s not like she knows that many people’s numbers. She’s barely memorized her mother’s. 

Besides, she was a cop. If this person tried to pull anything with her…well he’d find out the consequences the hard way. Amy Santiago wasn’t someone who could be messed with. 

To: Creeper?

[1:46 PM]

Okay. Shoot me your question.

From: Creeper?

[1:46 PM]

this girl i like is really upset today and i’m just making it worse. what should i do?

Ah, just Amy’s luck. The only boy who’s been even remotely talking to her out of work likes someone else. She changes his contact name almost immediately to something more fitting the circumstances

. If this was a romantic comedy, Amy would be the quirky one that both of the love interests loved as a friend.

(The character that usually ended up alone.) 

(AKA, story of her life.)

To: Lover Boy

[1:48 PM]

Ask her what’s wrong once she’s cooled off a bit. If it’s something you can help with, help her with it. If not, just give her some space. 

She shuts her phone in her desk drawer after that. She takes a few deep breaths while massaging her temples. The case file in front of her looks like absolute gibberish and that’s not even considering the fact that the perp got away. That she practically let him get away with her sloppy detective work. She goes to get another cup of coffee, even though it’s probably a bad idea at this point. It’s something warm to hold, at least. She couldn’t imagine the level of teasing that would ensue if she started drinking hot chocolate on the job. 

“Hey Santiago?” Jake looks a little less relaxed than before, but that infuriating smirk is never truly gone. She’s only seen him angry once, and that was when a police officer was trying to help his friend escape persecution. (She had been surprised to see that he did, in fact, have a range of emotions.) 

“My lasers have been deactivated,” she mumbles. “In case you were wondering, you don’t need to evacuate.”

“I was actually just going to ask if you need any help? Not that you’re not a perfectly capable detective, but a fresh pair of eyes might be of assistance?”

She’s too frustrated to note his adult vocabulary, instead disturbed by how much this appeals to her. It’s not a bad idea. It feels almost insulting to accept Jake’s help but… well for once he didn’t look like he was rubbing it in her face. He almost looked like he genuinely wanted to help. His entire posture is open, eyes almost sparkling a little bit. 

(Maybe she needs five more cups of coffee. With shots.) 

  “Sure,” she says, handing him the case file. “I had a lead on him this morning, but he got away. Now I have no idea where he could be hiding out.”

“It says here his favorite restaurant is the burger place by that seedy gas station?” Jake frowns. “How did you get that information?”

“Ex-girlfriend,” Amy says. “I asked the staff and they hadn’t seen him for several months. He’s been on to us at every turn.”

“Doesn’t mean that it still can’t be a good place to start,” Jake says, standing up. “Besides, you can buy me dinner after I solve your case.” It’s accompanied by a blinding smile, which Amy can’t help but return. 

“Oh in your dreams Peralta,” Amy rolls her eyes. “Just because I’m letting you ‘help me out’ doesn’t mean you get to take all the credit for the literal months of work I’ve put down.” 

Two hours they find the perp in a gas station near the burger place almost entirely by accident. He doesn’t get away again because Jake is blocking the other exit, slamming him down into the ground and grinning up at her.

“Looks like you owe me dinner,” he says, as he fastens the handcuffs about the perp’s wrists. 

Sometimes she forgets that police work is intended to have two people at all times. (That, and sometimes she forgets just how good of a cop Jake is.) 

She forgets to check her phone until she’s almost about to go to bed, head aching with exhaustion from the day. 

From: Lover Boy

[2:05 PM]

it worked. thx.

To: Lover Boy

[10:13 PM]

You’re welcome. Did you ask her out?

From: Lover Boy

[10:15 PM]

its kind of complicated bc i like her a lot but she hates me? idk. 

To: Lover Boy

[10:16 PM]

I doubt she hates you. You can’t always predict what people are thinking. Maybe she’s just pretending to hate you. 

From: Lover Boy

[10:17 PM]

maybe. 

To: Lover Boy

[10:18 PM]

I’m not going to get arrested for talking to you, am I? 

From: Lover Boy

[10:19 PM]

not unless ur committing a crime. 

From: Lover Boy

[10:20 PM]

im realizing now u meant other things. i’m thirty three. 

To: Lover Boy

[10:21 PM] 

I’m twenty-nine.

To: Lover Boy

[10:25 PM]

I was thinking, if you wanted of course… I could help you with this relationship with this girl? You don’t need to tell me any personal information or anything, I could just give you advice. If you wanted it.

From: Lover Boy

[10:27 PM]

your contact name has officially been changed to fairy godmother.

To: Lover Boy

[10:28 PM] 

Ha ha. You can tell my more about this dream girl tomorrow, then. I have to be at work early. 

From: Lover Boy

[10:29 PM] 

gnite fairy godmother

“Oh wow,” Gina says. “The personal phone is out on the desk today. Does that mean you’re waiting for a gentlemen caller?” She’s leaning against Amy’s desk and Amy is really trying to focus on this paperwork. She just needs Jake’s signature now. 

“Maybe,” Amy says, trying for elusiveness. 

“Oh honey,” Gina says. “Nice try.”

“Whatever,” Amy says. “It doesn’t matter. Don’t you have work to do?”

“Oh but this is so much more interesting,” Gina says. “Why don’t you let me try and set you up with someone again?”

“Last time you tried to set me up it was a nightmare,” Amy says. “My dating life is just fine, thank you very much.” 

Really, her dating life consists of binge watching Netflix TV shows and sad dates that her mother sets up for her. Gina can’t know that. Neither can Jake, who’s leaning across his desk to listen in on this conversation. 

“Are you waiting for a text from a boy?” he asks.

“Oh my god,” Amy says, cheeks burning. She slams the phone in her drawer. “Happy?” 

Gina saunters off. Jake scoops up his car keys and turns for the door. 

“Before you go,” Amy says, determinedly not looking at him, “I need you to sign this.”

He signs it way more quickly than she would have done, but he doesn’t leave right away. He lingers, his presence almost more of a sound than a sight. 

“Hey,” he says suddenly. Amy looks up. “I didn’t mean to - I wasn’t trying to make you uncomfortable.”

“Well great job,” Amy says in that sweet voice she reserves for true annoyance. This time the guilt lingers for slightly longer and then, “Sorry. I just don’t like how my dating life is a constant source of amusement for everyone.”

“I wouldn’t say constant,” Jake says, winking. “Just occasionally. Charles? You ready?”

She’s still glowering at her computer when she hears her phone buzz inside her desk drawer. She waits until Gina is securely in the break room to text anything back. 

From: Lover Boy 

[11:15 AM]

how do u tell if a girl is really annoyed or she’s fake annoyed

To: Lover Boy

[11:25 AM] 

Context clues, I guess. Were you teasing her about something she’s self conscious about?

“Loveeeeer boy?” Gina croons, appearing from seemingly nowhere. Amy jumps about a foot in the air.

“Have you heard of such a thing as privacy?” Amy hisses. 

“There’s no such thing as privacy when you’re holding your phone like that,” Gina says. “You’re practically asking for someone to look over your shoulder. Who’s Lover Boy, huh?” 

In hindsight, maybe Amy should have picked a different name for this mysterious man she’s been texting. Then again, it came with it’s side benefits. 

This next moment is one of the most satisfying moments of Amy’s entire career. 

“None of your business,” she tells Gina, and shuts the phone back into the drawer.

She waits until she’s off of work to look at her personal phone (mostly to rub it in Gina’s face when she can’t get anymore gossip than she needs) and spends as long as possible reviewing her brother’s latest message about his daughter’s preschool project before she goes back to their conversation. To show herself that she’s not attached to the situation, nope. Not at all. 

From: Lover Boy

[11:30 AM]

well she’s kind of self conscious about herself w/ other ppl sometimes. our colleagues tease her a lot and i kind of jumped on board w/ it sometimes.

You and me both, Amy thought. Turns out she had more in common with Lover Boy’s girl than she thought. 

From: Lover Boy

[2:30 PM]

according to my friend she’s apparently seeing someone else now

To: Lover Boy

[6:32 PM] 

Who?

From: Lover Boy

[6:33 PM] 

idk. she won’t tell us. we’ve teased her about past bfs.

To: Lover Boy

[6:34 PM]

Does she ever tease you back? Seem to enjoy your interactions?

From: Lover Boy

[9:45 PM]

srry i was drowning my sorrows. or am? the night is still young.

To: Lover Boy

[9:50 PM] 

Wow, giving up that soon?

From: Lover Boy

[9:51 PM]

no no no. ive liked thsi girl since like what feels like forever

From: Lover Boy

[9:51 PM]

i mean she’s like perfect. u know? smart and funny and pretty

To: Lover Boy

[9:52 PM] 

Then why are you getting drunk right now?

From: Lover Boy

[9:52 PM]

bc shes dating someone else again

To: Lover Boy

[9:53 PM]

Again?

From: Lover Boy

[9:54 PM]

ppl r always trying to set her up w/ some boy. idk y, but now ive missed my shot

Amy’s curled up on her couch with Harry Potter playing in the background and feels less lonely for whatever reason. It’s nice to feel like there’s someone else out there that could be completely failing in the romance department. 

For whatever reason, she really wants Lover Boy to succeed. Every rational thought is telling her that growing weirdly attached to some boy through text message is a stupid thing to do, but at the same time she couldn’t imagine giving up the easiness that’s sprung between them. It’s simpler than any friendship she’s had before. 

To: Lover Boy

[9:57 PM]

You don’t know that yet. There’s always a chance, and you can’t give up just yet. Tomorrow you should tell me more about her, when you’re sober. 

She goes to bed at a reasonable time, but it still takes two alarm clocks to wake her up. She has five drunk texts from Jake on her work phone which she ignores, and instead focuses on the personal phone.

From: Lover Boy

[1:30 AM]

okay did i tell you that she smells like dreams

From: Lover Boy

[1:30 AM]

dreAMS mySTERY INTERNET WOMAN

From: Lover Boy

[1:45 AM]

she also is like rlly funny. did i say that? nobody else thinks shes funny but i could listen to her talk all day long

From: Lover Boy

[2:30 AM] 

do u know how to delete messages from someone elses phone?

To: Lover Boy

[6:45 AM]

What did you send her?

She barely scans through the texts from Jake (something about smelling meadows? What was it with boys and their noses?) before she texts him back. 

To: Jake Peralta

[6:50 AM]

You sure you can handle coming into work? Need me to take over your cases?

She’s feeling overwhelmingly cheerful today. One, true love is possible (look at Lover Boy and the girl that was like her) and she was going to get to watch Jake Peralta with an extreme hangover all day.

She makes a strong cup of coffee and settles in to watch the morning news.

From: Jake Peralta

[7:35 AM] 

dont b ridiculous santiago in ur dreams

She rolls her eyes and begins to plot all the ways she’s going to make his hangover life miserable today. It involves loud noises, revolting smells, and a particularly irritating case that she thinks she can get Holt to make him work with her on.

Although, she has to admit that she’s impressed he’s awake this early. Maybe he hadn’t slept at all? 

Her personal phone buzzes. Finally, something she’s interested in. 

From: Lover Boy

[7:36 AM]

false alarm, she didnt read into it

To: Lover Boy

[7:38 AM]

I wouldn’t worry about. My colleague drunk texts me all the time. Including last night.

From: Lover Boy

[7:39 AM]

hav to sympathize w/ him i feel like death. were his drunk texts as good as mine?

To: Lover Boy

[7:39 AM]

No. He’s just an idiot, really. Probably will roll into work half an hour late because he was sleeping with some random person from the bar. He always does this. I just wish he’d stop sometimes and give me a break really. 

From: Lover Boy

[7:40 AM]

why do you care so much

Amy freezes. She’s too distracted to even notice that he didn’t use those childish abbreviations for once, her heart stopping in her chest. He’s absolutely right of course: why does she care? She does, in some weird part of herself that she hasn’t examined before. 

She really, really cares that Jake was probably out having a one night stand the night before.

From: Lover Boy

[7:43 AM]

srry if that was too forward. hangover

From: Lover Boy

[7:47 AM]

w/ this girl i like, i kept trying to deny it over and over again. it took me years to figure it out bc emotions are confusing and i still dont know what she means to me. so if ur going thru a crisis im here.

(Texting back feels like an acknowledgment, so she ignores it.) 

She is almost late to work, breezing in about the same time as Jake. He, predictably, looks like death. Which she doesn’t care about. She doesn’t care that the shadows under his eyes look as if they could swallow him whole, doesn’t care that his hands appear to be shaking slightly and for once he looks nervous. 

“Amy,” he says, before they can leave the parking garage. Why did they have to arrive at the same time, today of all days?

Not that it mattered.

Lover boy doesn’t know me.

“Yeah?”

“I was hoping you could give me some advice,” Jake says, scratching the back of his head. “You know. Because you’re wise and all that.” 

“What kind of advice?” 

“How to talk to someone advice. I think I said something wrong this morning, but I like talking to this person, and I don’t want to screw everything up -”

Amy bristles. She was sure he had probably said something wrong to whatever person’s bed he had rolled out of this morning. Well, she wasn’t about to be apart of it. Not that she cared. Amy Santiago didn’t care. 

“Look Peralta,” she snaps, “I’m not about to start mixing our personal and work lives because you screwed up with someone you met when you were drunk off your mind. And also? Stop drunk texting me. It’s not cute. I’m sure you did say something wrong, so maybe you should just apologize instead of talking to other people about it.” 

She stomps off, not even registering what she’s done until they’re in the morning briefing and Jake still isn’t there. 

“Has anyone seen Peralta?” Holt asks. Amy’s about to say that she has seen him when he stumbles in. He looks almost no different from this morning, but weirdly…damp?

“What happened to you?” Rosa demands.

“Splashed some water on my face,” he mumbles. “You know. Reopen the senses.”

“And you needed to soak your hair because…?”

“I was really tired, okay?”

“Enough,” Holt barks. “We will get back to the matter at hand…”

Amy approaches Jake approximately three hours later, when she feels like she can’t stand it anymore. She had been unfair, she knew she had. She was just…upset. For whatever reason. A reason totally unrelated to whether or not she cared. (Of course.) 

“Jake,” she says. He looks surprised and she reminds herself that she should probably use his real name more often. “Look, about earlier…”

“I get it,” he says. “Sorry. About overstepping personal and work. I just didn’t realize I was working with two Rosas.” 

“I’m sorry,” Amy says again. “I just had a rough morning. I took it out on you.”

Jake smiles at her. “You’re forgiven,” he says. “Now, can you go and be loud somewhere else? My head feels like it’s filled with nails.”

(She makes sure to drop a stapler onto the floor less than five minutes later. Just because he’s made her feel guilty didn’t mean she couldn’t have a little fun too.) 

From: Lover Boy

[8:15 AM]

idk what i messed up but shes rlly mad at me. drunk texts apparently a bigger deal than i thought. and i rlly didnt mean to offend u earlier, im sorry. 

From: Lover Boy

[12:10 PM]

jk. we’re golden fairy godmother. false alarm. but i rlly hope you can forgive me for what i said earlier, it was crossing a line. 

“Who’re you texting?” Jake asks. 

Amy looks up at him. It’s rare that they take their lunch breaks together, but their schedules synched up and now she has a closer proximity to Jake than she thinks she wants to. From this close, she can see each line around his eyes that radiates when he smiles. She likes his smile, but that’s more about his mouth than him. 

Lover Boy was ridiculous, she thought. Ridiculous. She didn’t like Jake Peralta. 

“A mysterious fellow,” Amy says.

Jake raises an eyebrow. “More mysterious than the dude with the mesh underpants?”

“How did you hear about that?” Amy demands. “I told Gina that in confidence.” 

“Hey - I’m just proud of you Santiago. It turns out you’re more exciting that I thought you were.”

“Title of my sex tape!” Amy says. “HA! You can’t take back that now!” 

Jake bursts into laughter and Amy thinks about how she likes how it shapes his eyes and mouth. About how she likes how it shakes through his entire frame and makes her stomach feel all warm and fuzzy. About how maybe she hopes that she could do something that would make him laugh like that again. Anything to make him laugh like that again.

Oh shit. 

To: Lover Boy

[7:15 PM]

Okay, so earlier you may have had a point. 

From: Lover Boy

[7:18 PM]

welcome to my personal hell

From: Lover Boy

[7:20 PM]

but maybe we can help each other? w/ this romantic hell i mean

To: Lover Boy

[7:22 PM]

That sounds like a good plan. Although I’m still not sure if this is anything. It might just be because you planted that idea in my head. I need to sleep on it. 

Knowing that she likes Jake is like knowing there’s a ticking bomb in the room. One, he thinks she’s dating Lover Boy (as does everyone else in the precinct) and two, he’s an idiot. How could she like him? This was not an Amy Santiago thing to do. Liking Jake Peralta wasn’t an Amy Santiago specialty.

Of course, Holt it sending them on an overnight stakeout together. Of course. It’s as if the universe decides the most proper way to make fun of her is to shove her into Jake’s face at every ample opportunity. 

To: Lover Boy

[9:30 AM]

We’re going to be spending an extended amount of time together for our job. Help.

From: Lover Boy

[9:31 AM]

tell me about it sis. i swear, my boss is out to kill me. like we often work together but this is a more personal thing…

To: Lover Boy

[9:32 AM]

Same here. Honestly. How do you think I should act around him?

From: Lover Boy

[9:33 AM]

be urself but w/ a dash of flirting

Hours later they’re sitting in the car and Amy can feel the ringing silence between them like it’s a real, tangible thing. How did you cross this bridge? The bomb is ticking louder. Amy is really, really terrible at keeping a secret. 

“So,” Jake says. “How are you and Lover Boy?”

Yes. First order of business. To clear up whatever Jake thought was happening between her and the mysterious ‘Lover Boy’.

“Will you please not tell Gina this?” Amy asks.

“Uh-oh.”

“I’m serious. I want to see you nod. Okay. I was never really dating Lover Boy. It’s just a name I gave this dude as an inside joke. Seriously. There’s nothing between us.” 

It was the easiest explanation anyways. It doesn’t even really feel like a lie. Sure, Lover Boy doesn’t know what his contact name is, but Amy doesn’t think he’d mind anyways. 

“Oh,” Jake says. “I won’t tell Gina.”

“She would have a field day with it,” Amy says. Her personal phone buzzes.

“Oh wow,” Jake says, slipping his phone into pocket. “Taking the personal phone on a work date? I mean stake out? I mean occasion?”

“Why are you being weird?” Amy asks, rolling her eyes. “And yes. This is the number my mother contacts me at.”

Jake laughs, and Amy likes the sound too much to care that it’s directed at her own expense. 

From: Lover Boy

[8:45 PM]

SHE SAID THAT SHE’S NOT DATING ANYONE

To: Lover Boy

[8:46 PM]

Be yourself with a dash of flirting. ;)

From: Lover Boy

[8:47 PM] 

was that a winky face?

Amy smiles and puts her phone away. Okay. Time to get her flirt…on? She tucks her hair behind her ears and turns to Jake. She could do this. Flirting she meant. Flirting was something that she, as a grown badass woman, could do. 

Liking Jake wasn’t something she could put in a list. She couldn’t make a list of all the things she’d say to him because he was simply Jake. He refused to be contained in a list like all of the other boys she’d had a thing for. (Maybe that was a hint of something more.)

He smiles back at her. “Why do you look so happy?”

“I don’t know,” she says, a bit too loudly. “Don’t you love stake outs? And hanging out with people? Friends?”

“Amy,” he says.

“Sorry I’m being weird,” she rambles.

“Amy - “

“I just don’t know how to say - “

“Amy,” Jake hisses, “It’s our guy.” 

To: Lover Boy

[11:27 PM]

That was a fiasco.

From: Lover Boy

[11:28 PM]

omg tell me abt it. maybe were doomed to be alone.

To: Lover Boy

[11:29 PM]

I don’t know. Maybe I overthought this and I don’t like him after all. You kind of planted that idea in my head.

From: Lover Boy

[11:30 PM]

well, what do u like abt him?

To: Lover Boy

[11:31 PM]

He makes me laugh. He’s actually a really good guy.  I really, really like the way he laughs. I don’t know to explain it. With everyone else it’s like they fit in this nice little box, but he exceeds all my expectations. I don’t know, I just came to this realization yesterday. 

From: Lover Boy

[11:32 PM]

i think you just answered ur own question, o wise one.

To: Lover Boy

[11:33 PM]

What went wrong on your end?

From: Lover Boy

[11:36 PM]

our job got in the way of us hanging out. plus i think she was trying to tell me something and i had to be a good person and do my job damn it

To: Lover Boy

[11:40 PM]

Sometimes that’s the best thing. You could always reach out to her. 

From: Lover Boy

[11:41 PM]

maybe. i think she’s asleep.

Amy’s about to turn in herself, but her work phone buzzes.

From: Jake Peralta

[11:42 PM]

i liked hanging out with you santiago.

Amy falls asleep smiling. 

(She forgets to tell Lover Boy about the text.)

“Santiago!” Jake’s third jelly bean gets her attention, mostly because this one hits her straight in the forehead. She’s trying to avoid him while she tries (and fails) to come up with a way to say, hey by the way I really like your face and your body and your hands okay? If she was Jake, she’d probably just say something like romantic stylez and make sure that the Z was plain and clear. 

“Seriously, Jake?” 

Before he can answer that question, Gina comes between them with the worst timing ever. 

“Amy - I have someone to set you up with!” 

Amy glances up. “What? I thought I told you I didn’t want to do anymore of your pity dates.”

She had confessed to Gina that she hadn’t been dating anyone named Lover Boy, and she had been unbearable ever since. Just because Amy wasn’t dating anyone, didn’t mean that she didn’t want to. 

“You don’t need to tell me you need it,” Gina says. “I know.” 

“If I do this, will you get off my back?” Amy asks. “Like for real Gina. I’m tired of you being on my case.” 

“That was a great detective pun, I’m very proud of you,” Jake says. He’s watching their entire exchange with the typical Jake Peralta attention span. Which means that he’s currently trying to build a small tower of jelly beans and barely listening to anything else. 

“Do you think I should go on this date?” Amy asks him. She isn’t sure why she’s asking him. What does she want from that? Him to say no? (Yes, her traitorous brain answers. Maybe Amy Santiago has a deeply romantic side after all.) 

“Do what you want,” Jake shrugs. Amy feels something like bitterness curling into her stomach. That’s stupid she thinks. You shouldn’t feel anything at all, she thinks. It’s not like Jake knows or anything. It’s not like he has any right regardless to tell her who she should and shouldn’t date. 

What a stupid question for her to ask. 

“Fine,” she tells Gina. “I accept your date.”

She’s going to put her all into this date, even though it’s the last thing she wants to do. That means heels and that dress Kylie swears makes her figure look like a hundred bucks. It means making her hair look like a goddamn cascading waterfall. 

To: Lover Boy

[7:20 PM]

I may have made a mistake.

From: Lover Boy

[7:23 PM]

oh my god me too. shes going on a date and i acted like i was okay with it! who am i

To: Lover Boy

[7:24 PM]

Well I actually am going on a date and he actually didn’t care that I was going on a date at all. So I can tell you right now that’s not the right approach. It sucks. 

From: Lover Boy

[7:25 PM]

do u think its worth the risk of just telling her how i feel. i dont even know if she likes romantic revelations

To: Lover Boy

[7:26 PM]

Probably. You seem like you love her a lot, and she’d be crazy not to love you back. Go get her. (And it’s hard to imagine anyone who doesn’t like romantic revelations.) Besides, if you truly fail there’s always alcohol. 

If only Lover Boy was in love with her, she thought wistfully for a moment. She couldn’t help but wonder what it felt to be loved like that. Whoever this girl was, she was lucky. She hoped that she realized that too. 

She’s going to be twenty minutes early but decides it’s ultimately worth it. It’s better than staring at her phone and waiting to see if everyone else had a happy romantic ending without her. What was next, her ‘single as a Pringle’ brother declaring that he was going to actually settle down? 

Maybe she and whoever Gina had set her up with could go on a double date with Lover Boy and his girl. She locks her apartment door tightly behind her before stalking out with purpose. Jake Peralta aside, she was going to have nice time. 

From: Lover Boy

[8:12 PM]

i missed her. shes already on this stupid date and idk where it is

From: Lover Boy

[8:13 PM]

like sorry to rant but also not sorry bc she’s absolutely my dream girl and now ive missed her forever and goddamn it. bc im sure whoever her date is will see that too.

Turns out, a nice time isn’t entirely possible. Amy’s in the bathroom, trying to escape her incredibly awkward date. Apparently Gina thought that just because Amy was a nerd that she’d be into…well… the sort of nerd that generally needed to move out of their mother’s basement. The kind of nerd that needs to learn how to take a shower. 

She’s frustrated. She feels like screaming because she wishes that she had been going on a date with Jake and doesn’t understand why. Or maybe she understands too much why. 

He’s her partner. She’s known him for years. She doesn’t need to worry if he’s hiding some weird secret from her because she knows almost everything about him. She knows more about his life than some of her brothers. She knows his favorite movie, how many books he’s read, what he likes to do to relax and the face he makes when he’s not. 

How could you know someone that well and still like them?

To: Lover Boy

[8:14 PM]

How do you know she’s your dream girl?

From: Lover Boy

[8:20 PM]

she’s smart and not afraid to back down from a challenge. shes such a dork and literally even the way she scrunches her nose is cute i swear. usually i tune out whenever someone starts to talk about books but literally i could listen to her talk all day and i dont understand y. she keeps me on my toes. i know like everything about her. 

To: Lover Boy

[8:21 PM]

It sounds like that should be pretty obvious.

From: Lover Boy

[8:23 PM]

my friend rosa says its a miracle nobody else knows yet. apparently i am v obvious.

Amy’s plotting on how to escape from the restaurant but freezes. Rosa? Her brain begins to make a frantic connection that she can’t quite comprehend. 

Don’t be ridiculous, she tells herself. Lots of people have friends named Rosa. It’s not like it’s a weird name. 

To: Lover Boy

[8:25 PM] 

You never said what you did. Maybe it’s the stress of the job that’s throwing her off?

From: Lover Boy

[8:26 PM]

im a detective

Oh god, she thought to herself. Oh. My. God. It was Jake. Lover Boy was Jake Peralta. It had to be. How many detectives were there that had friends with the name Rosa? That, and all the times she’d texted Lover Boy and seen Jake pull out his phone - 

She pulls out her work phone and clicks on Jake’s contact, pulling up his phone number and comparing the two. They’re exactly the same. 

“Oh shit,” she whispers to herself. “Oh my god. I am the worst detective.” And seriously, fuck the two phone rule. That is probably the stupidest thing she’s ever done. 

Embarrassingly, she began to cry. Well, this was the end of her stupid crush on Jake Peralta. He was obviously desperately in love with someone from the precinct: maybe one of the cops from downstairs? It wasn’t like she paid attention to Jake all the time. 

Of course it was never going to be her. Why would it be? 

From: Lover Boy

[8:27 PM]

do u think i should try again w/ her?

Amy hastily wipes away a tear. If there’s one thing she’s proud of, it’s her stellar moral compass. First, she changes his contact name. Then she rewrites the knowledge of this in her brain and promises herself that she can leave this restaurant with dignity.

If liking Jake Peralta wasn’t apart of the Amy Santiago Brand, getting her heart so brutally destroyed by him certainly seemed to be. 

To: Jake Peralta

[8:30 PM]

You should go for it. You deserve to be happy. 

She means this of course. She’d always scoffed at this in movies: just tell him how you feel! In the end, it’s not that simple. It’s not worth complicating a good friendship because she might love (like her brain frantically corrects) him. 

She ditches her date and doesn’t even feel guilty about it. Sue her. She’s heartbroken, she thinks. She deserves to treat herself. Instead she grabs a cup of her favorite hot chocolate from the cafe on the corner and plans on tucking into her bed with her favorite Harry Potter book.

She’s even gotten to the point where she’s kicked off her heels and is holding them by their straps. She’s pretty sure her mascara is smeared all across her cheeks and her hair is tangled but who cared? She was being self pitying. Even the barista had given her a discount when she’d seen her approaching.

“Rough night?” She’d asked and Amy had nodded. A rougher night than anyone had intended, really. 

She thinks at first the person sitting outside her door is Kylie. It takes her a few seconds to realize that it’s not her because A, she hadn’t texted Kylie and B, it was obviously a guy. 

Which is why she’s instantly mortified when her brain makes the connection and finds Jake Peralta sitting outside of her apartment. He’s dressed in his usual work ensemble and looks really put together compared to her. 

“Jake?” she squeaks. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m - are you okay?” He asks as he takes her in. He stands immediately and reaches a hand toward her to what? Comfort her? It simultaneously soothes the raging nerves and enrages then. Amy nods, feeling her chin wobble slightly like it does when she’s about to cry. “I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Jake asks. “Did something go wrong on your date?”

Everything, she wants to say. Then she thinks: what is the point of pretending anymore? “Did she say yes?”

“Did who say yes?”

“I’m your fairy godmother apparently,” she says bitterly, pulling out her phone and waving it in his face.

“What?” 

“You know, when you were trying to text Kayla? You were texting my personal phone,” Amy says. “I didn’t know it was you, because we didn’t tell each other our names but yeah. It was me.” 

“That was - that was you?” 

“Apparently,” Amy says. “Did the girl you like say yes? Let me guess, it was Sandra from downstairs -” 

“Sandra?” 

“It doesn’t matter,” Amy says. “I’m chill, bro. You know. Chill.” She takes a sip of her hot chocolate and promptly burns her tongue. Smooth she tells herself. Wow. How are you even single? 

“Well how about you and your mystery man?” Jake demands. “Was it Chad?”

“Chad? My mystery man,” Amy scoffs.

“Well then, who was it?” he crosses his arms over his chest.

Damn it all to hell. She was done with not burning bridges for the sake of maintaining awkward friendships.

  “It was you, you idiot.” 

Jake’s eyes go wide. “…Me?”

“Yes,” Amy says. “I know. Whatever. We can just go back to forgetting about it now and I’m officially only going to have one phone now - “

“But Ames - I was talking about you.” 

She blinks. Her brain is moving sluggishly. She can’t quite comprehend what he’s just said to her. When she finally gets around it to it she opens her and mouth and closes it several times.

“Me?” she finally stammers. 

“Yes, you,” Jake says. “Oh my god. We are the worst detectives ever. It’s official.” He’s smiling for whatever reason, as if this is a massive joke. Was it April fools day today? She couldn’t remember. 

“But you can’t like me!” Amy protests loudly. 

“Oh I do,” Jake says. “I like like you Amy Santiago.”

“But all those nice things you said about her - “

“Were about you,” Jake says. “I swear. I swear on my reputation as a detective.”

“About me?” She asks, feeling another tired tear escape from the corner of her eye. 

“And all of your texts - those were about me? Including the ones where you said I was an idiot?”

“I think we’re both idiots,” she says, rubbing her forehead. “Oh my god. We may as well hand the best detective title over to Rosa or Charles.” 

“Might as well march over to Holt and turn in our resignations now,” he says, and despite herself she’s laughing. She’s laughing, laughing, laughing. So hard that her stomach feels like it’s about to burst and then he’s laughing too and both of them are careening toward each other like magnets. It ends with Jake’s mouth being awfully close to Amy’s and Amy’s chest being awfully close to his.

“I’m crazy about you Amy Santiago,” he says. “For real. And all of those things I meant, I meant.” 

It’s not eloquent, but Amy wouldn’t want it any other way. 

She remembers to drag him back into her apartment before she kisses him, real and properly. 

(Later, she says it back. “I’m crazy about you Jake Peralta. For real.”) 

To: Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago

From: Gina Linetti 

[11:30 PM]

if you guys aren’t together by now I’m going to riot. Also Jake, I have Kayla’s real phone number when you want it. If you want it. (She seems like kind of a bitch.) 

To: Gina Linetti and Amy Santiago

From: Jake Peralta

[11:31 PM]

DO NOT TELL ME YOU PLANNED THIS

To: Jake Peralta and Amy Santiago 

From: Gina Linetti

[11:32 PM]

i told Amy i had the perfect guy for her. 

[llycaons]

ep29 (2/2): settling in but also being so sad about your bestie you drink yourself into a stupor

I watched this episode yesterday and then had to leave for work so let's see what I remember

I don't remember who it was but wq mentioned either jyl or lwj and wwx immediately started chugging that wine like there was no tomorrow. I think it was jyl. he really misses her :(

this is such a nostalgic memory for him...he was so happy back then and he remembers their first meeting so fondly :(

I think that earlier moment was abt jyl because this one is about lwj. again, the two people whose presence he misses most desperately

oh my god this kills me...he feels so awful and guilty about failing her but it's not his fault!! he's just trying to do the right thing!!!

I GASPED I forgot this scene was in this episode. just stunning. no dialogue, just different shots of lwj in punishment for so many hours that it feels like an entire day

and the snow....so gorgeous

AH! AND HERE'S THE LINE THAT WWX HIMSELF SAYS EARLIER THIS EPISODE

yeah he's kneeling here for so long that he leaves a dry patch when he stands up

this is such a gorgeous shot rly

god this is so funny. two imposters accusing each other of being the imposter

THEY'RE BOTH FAKE!!!!

ugh he's so lazy. like I know that wwx being in chronic pain all the time due to losing his core is a rly popular headcanon but I think after the initial shock period and his physical recovery from being in the BM, his body has adjusted. he does acts fine when he's not, but we also see him in a lot of private moments and there's nothing to indicate his ease of movement or baseline comfort level is different. he's weaker sure, doesn't heal as well, probably gets colder faster, but I don't think he's in agony from a massive void in his abdomen either. he's just chilling bc wn likes to be useful and he'll take him up on it

anyway look he's wearing purple. hmm

oh yeah he gets offerings too

HE PUTS UP PICS OF THE YLLZ AROUND HIS CAVE. LMAO. that kind of playful self-deprecation is so perfect for him

and it's really cool to see him making his inventions! every day we inch closer to the legend of the yiling laozu, whose name is used to frighten the children a decade after his death

personal highlights:

wwx being mean to the wens...😭

lwj being sincerely and vocally concerned for wwx play-fainting was very sweet. I think a younger wwx would have found it overbearing, but a younger lwj wouldn't be so concerned anyway since he hasn't witnessed wwx going through so much shit. tho maybe a younger wwx would have appreciated the feeling of being genuinely cared for since he has so little of it in his life

wwx saying a line that's echoed in wuji!

parting shot at BM. this is the last time they see each other before the all the bad happens 🥺

SINGLE PLANK BRIDGE LINE!!!!

'we lit the lanterns because it's dangerous to walk around alone in the dark' truly this entire concept means so much to me

a-yuan going 'MEAT!' is so cute

the entire punishment sequence was breathtaking

and the imposters were hilarious! so serious!

[ayankun]

Pseudo-liveblogged reactions to Amazon's Cinderella

I'm not super savvy on modern music, so it took me into the second song to realize that this is a pop opera rather than an original musical.

There are pros and cons to pasting pre-existing songs into your narrative and we will unfortunately not be able to get into the pros today.

My newly acquired "5 min rule" would like to have the protagonist's internal conflict presented to the audience within the first five minutes of runtime. Couple that with Howard Ashman's "I Want" song and you'd kind of expect your protagonist to sing a lil something about what their story is up front. The only character so far to express anything of the sort is Idina Menzel's character.

If this wasn't a well-known fairy tale, I'd have to assume, after the first five minutes, that the evil stepmother is the main protagonist.

They didn't source a song that gives Cinderella a clear objective! They gave her one that describes her ... outlook on life. But we don't know the context for that outlook (I mean, we do, but this movie chose not to tell us, we already happened to know)

We meet her in her basement workshop, which she leaves immediately and starts doing kitchen things, so it's like, we Do Not Know her relationship to the workshop vice her relationship to the kitchen; no effort was made to show one as a joy and one as a burden. Maybe she loves both. Maybe she hates both, and that's why she's singing about having a good attitude (still no answer why love saving the day is relevant in the slightest)

Okay this new character showed up and she asked about his cane and I literally had not seen the cane on screen. It's a visual medium, you gotta show us the important stuff oh my god.

Ok, 8 min in, best I can tell, the conflict is that Cinderella needs to find financial stability because stepmom wants her gone and also her only viable options are getting married off. So stepmom's goal is to marry her off -- I'm wildly confused bc of the conflict I KNOW this story is about; why wouldn't she be invited to the ball if stepmom could get rid of her that way?? I have to guess that she wants the princey income going to one of her own daughters, in which case, her conflict is NOT that she wants to marry Cinderella off!!!!!

Geez, okay, I Do Not Know if these are original songs or not. Cinderella just sang about being famous, and the visuals implied that she wants to do sewing good.

OKAY????? The prince is just an obnoxious frat boy. Guessing that Cinderella either "I can fix him"s or else just absolutely just becomes a fashion designer and doesn't end up with the prince because Feminism.

Okay so Cinderella is super expected to go to the thing, no issues. The ISSUE IS OMG LOLOLOL THAT THE STEPMOM DOESN'T WANT CINDERELLA PARTICIPATING IN THE BLASPHEMY OF FEMALE BUSINESS OWNERSHIP?!?!?!?! (She needs to go to the thing, but she can't wear her self-designed dress for the hype ok sure)

Ok the Queen is my jam

He said "you can't control me" but I heard "you can't troll me"

Oh-hohoho so there's a suddenly Prince's Sister who is competent and will ultimately win the throne bc her brother's useless. So now I'm guessing that the prince is a super red herring who's just wasting screentime.

He's now singing Queen, which is slightly hilarious

(He wants to marry for love, I think. He doesn't want a political marriage. He still doesn't seem suitable for Cinderella, bit she did sing about love earlier so. Maybe they go into business together.)

It's trying to be campy but I'm not feeling it. The camp isn't baked-in.

Also this wasn't the ball. It's still to come. Prince is now leaning into the ball idea as a means of getting to meet specifically Cinderella. Bro she got other priorities.

Ok now prince is pulling a princess jasmine to walk amongst the commoners -- sorry hold on, they hecked up the eyelines SO BAD in this scene. Camera needs to stay on the same side of the two characters OMG textbook basics

So one of the stepsisters has now also expressed an interest in marrying for love. Oh PLEASE can she end up with the prince??? The narrator called her "cray," though, and the prince just had a poorly-blocked conversation about how he isn't into someone with too many bats in the belfry.

OOF the blocking is so bad. First time director?

Sidenote: there IS original music, and it's pretty good. They shoulda gone all out and avoided the misstep of weirdly forced musical numbers.

Ok, act 2 is about getting ready for the ball. How are they gonna pad this? Midpoint is she has her dreams dashed and has to do fairy godmother plan B? Or is that low point and the ball is in Act 3?

Montage of all kind of characters singing about where they are going into Act 2 but it's incomprehensible bc they're just using some pop song that doesn't say anything!!!!!!!!!

Oh. Hm. Mr. McCane is the conflict. That's tidy enough. Cinderella can't go to ball bc she's suddenly been match-maked. (And her fancy dress was ruined for good measure). So this is the midpoint lololol and getting ready for the ball was just the one montage rather than an entire act.

Lol so the fairy godmother is just a caterpillar/butterfly that she saved and there's ZERO reason why he's also magic.

We're on our third musical number in like 10 minutes, they're really pumping em in

I just shouted NO about the bad blocking. 180-degree rule!!!! It's non-negotiable!!!!!!!!!!

Have to say it, there is probably DEFINITELY an audience for this tho

So the second half of act 2 is the ball. Low point will be the midnight time limit on the magic?

Oh shoot I forgot about leaving the glass shoe behind and that whole search shenanigans. That's probably act 3 eh

Ohhhhh geez okay okay now she's met a queen and has to go meet her tomorrow so she can live her fashion designing dreams. But now she has to choose between prince and dreams? She takes prince with her on queen journey, leaving prince sister behind to rule? That'd be fine

Oh I forgot about Mr. McCane conflict. I don't know what she wants so I don't know what existing conflicts matter. She can't get locked in a closet and not be able to try on glass shoe, because she only has until 4PM tomorrow to go on queen journey; Mr. McCane thinks he's going to marry her; the magic ends at midnight but the prince already knows what she looks like and who she really is; the stepmom might find out that she's gone to the ball after all, but she's the prince's favorite so what can stepmom really do??????????

It's very messy

These over the shoulder shots are so awkward, the subject is always smack-dab in the middle of the frame, slightly obscured by the other party and the other half of the frame just totally empty I hate it a lot

Gonna guess this is 1.19:1 aspect ratio, which is ultra wide. Whyyy waste all that lateral real estate???

You can tell this was made for theaters rather than home viewing, though; after watching Zombies 2 a couple more times, I've noticed how the made-for-tv up-close framing isn't really the right way to use that ratio; the faces are way close and we don't get a lot of body shots. Not a problem here, though.

Ok it's midnight and she's fleeing, but other than the fairy godmother saying "RUN," there isn't really a good narrative reason for why she had to flee. Yeah she's unglamored and herself again, but SO WHAT.

Pierce Brosnan and Minnie Driver are killing it tho

Ok so her choice IS still between prince marriage and queen journey. McCane proposal red herring?????

There are NO STAKES to the stepmom doing anything villainous at this point? She wouldn't and she won't? And now she gets a tragic backstory? Idk idk idk bro

GOD the blocking is SO OFFENSIVE TO MY SENSIBILITIES

ohh hmm! Stepmom wants her to do the prince marriage, out of an honest desire for Cinderella to live the best life available to her (and to support the stepfamily)

So Cinderella has chosen queen journey and stepmom is like okay I'm selling you to Mr. McCane. But is Cinderella locked in the basement? She can't just ... go on queen journey?

WHAT ABOUT SHOEVENTURE PLOT?????

LOL STEPMOM ANGRY PIANO SOLO KILL IT IDINA

Please stop framing every face in the center of the shot. Please. I'm f*cking begging you

Ok shoeventure is about to start; it's a narrative piece belonging to the KING'S REDEMPTION ARC AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH CINDERELLA'S STORY LOLOL

I MEAN THO. THE SHOE IS SOOOO UNIMPORTANT???? HE LITERALLY KNOWS HER FACE, IT DOES NOT FREAKING MATTER WHO SPECIFICALLY CURRENTLY POSSESSES THE OTHER SHOE

LOL ALSO I FORGOT-- LITERALLY FORGOT-- THAT HER NAME IS ELLA NOT CINDERELLA

So they're not going to tackle the whole thing where the queen journey queen doesn't care that Ella's has a different fave today from yesterday?

Ok and the queen is leaving on her journey an hour after she was to meet with Ella, so Ella's going to go with her but first she's going to the castle and be present at a whole royal event, and probably a musical number and then make it back to the docks in time? Sure ok.

Ye here's the number. Has 0% relevance to either the current events or any thing that's happened in this movie

Oh I have no comment on the dances, I haven't been compelled enough to really pay attention to any

Nice that she gets a lil moment of connection w/ stepmom. Don't know if it was earned, but it was sweet

Love will save the day reprise :| I mean ... I guess if he weren't out looking for her, she would have missed her appointment probably ... otherwise.........

Ok, it was fine/ not for me, peace out lololololol

EDIT: I quoted the aspect ratio as 1.19:1 but since I'm not good with numbers that's totally wrong. (I think that's the almost-square ratio that The Lighthouse used.) I just checked and both Cinderella and ZOMBIES 2 are 2.39:1, so at least I was correct in identifying that they were the same.

Also, looked up Kay Cannon and was unfortunately also correct in assuming she was a new director. Thinking on it now, it feels like maybe it wasn't storyboarding and/or shooting each scene was a process of "Let's just get coverage so we have options in post." There's just a real lack of not just intent behind shot composition and reason for cutting and the specific shot cut to, but mostly coherence; scenes are stitched together like Frankenstein's monster, I felt a visceral uncanny valley discomfort while watching.

I feel bad, no one felt they could point this out to her, either in pre-production or on set?? Unless she was surrounded by equally green staff, or yes-men who didn't really care about the end product that was going to have their names attached to it.

[trampisms]

22-25!

JESS TALKS OOC: INTERVIEW THE MUN!

22. mcdonalds or burger king?

bihhhh MCDONALDS is my shit but burger king is also good i just love all fast food tbh

23. anything spooky happen this week?

yes actually! so basically picture the scene it gets to like 3am on thursday night and i have to actually sleep for once bc on friday/yesterday i was travelling back to my apartment at uni for the last time to see my friends before moving home again for summer. so im like ok, a bitch needs to sleep or she’ll be tired on the journey. so i turn my fuckin light off and get into bed and i’m doing one last browse of youtube on my laptop and i hear a faint kind of flickering/tapping noise. i looked up & the light of the screen was JUST ENOUGH to show me that there was a HUGE ASS MOTH in my room flying around near the ceiling. i am TERRIFIED of moths. needless to say my bitchass slept on the fuckin couch bc NOPE

24. share a funny story

i thought long & hard about this and settled on one story in particular that’s just TOO good but also gross so tw for mysophobia, saliva, etc and just stuff that is super gross in general. also tw alcohol/drunkenness. i dont get grossed out easily LUCKILY. so im from the UK and the drinking age here is 18 so bish !! we can hit up the club when we’re literal teenagers which is lit. ok so i think i was like 19?? and i went to like an indie music club night bc they were playing arctic monkeys ‘favourite worst nightmare’ in full which!! is my FAVOURITE album,,,,, maybe of all time. im on cloud nine. having a great time. i think nothing can go wrong on this great night. right? wrong. me and my friend go outside for fresh air and we’re DRUNK. like not dangerously black-out drunk but like good, happy, everything is hilarious drunk. we sit down on a little picnic bench that they had outside and i pick up a red cup thinking its my drink and sip it. bitch, THAT WASNT my drink. it wasnt even liquid at all. i immediately spit whatever it was back into the cup and look in it. it was ash and cigarette butts from people using some random empty cup as an ashtray.

25. are you religious?

i guess i’d identify as agnostic atheist. i don’t THINK that god exists but i wouldn’t deny the possibility of it. i’m super open when it comes to religion tho and tolerant of anyone’s beliefs no matter what they are!