#this is just what i’ve observed in family and friends WHEN the other planets/aspects allow for it to happen

[sun-pluto]

personal observation: if any of your asteroids/fixed stars falls in an empty house in your chart, it kind of lights up that house with its energy. it makes sense from an earthly perspective: if the planets are not at a specific point in the night sky, you’d be able to see all the stars in the dark.

but hey, take it if it’s accurate for you 💞 and comment/reblog asteroids you think get highlighted in your chart :)

[blacksunscorpio]

Hi, hope you’re well! I was wondering about the hidden enemies aspect of the twelfth house. Does hidden mean the types of people (people with influence of the sign in your 12h) you are unaware are antagonizing you or is it that those characteristics in someone throw you off but you can’t really put your finger on why? Can these people believe that they are helping you but really they’re holding you back in some way? Can the hidden aspect go both ways? Why does 12h synestry have this effect? I have cancer on the 12h cusp and I’ve never really been able to develop any meaningful relationships with any (cancers) that I’ve met though I’ve been trying to emulate characteristics of this sign (12h as repressed tendencies). Note: I unfortunately have no water placements to help me out what so ever lol. Thanks for your help, your blog is absolute gold ✨✨✨

12th House and Hidden Enemies

Since the 12th house is ruled by Neptune, this is the place in our chart where things can be difficult to ascertain. Things are murky and veiled here. Not only can you be unaware of where people are causing trouble for you but there can also be a weird “vibe” that something is not right with something or someone but one may not be readily able to make it out. In the natal chart, synastry, or composite this can display itself as mentioned above. Things can get triggered here in ways you are not altogether comfortable with. And of course, because like the 8th house, things can be deeply buried or repressed. For more insight lets look further:

Aries/Mars in the 12th

Hidden or unconscious foes can often attack a native’s go sense of self. This is because Aries/Mars rules the 1st house of self. “I AM”. Often a native with this placement may wind up feeling victimized without being able to put their finger on the source if said feeling. An astrologer/native will want to observe one’s Mars placement and the contacts it is making to other planets in the natal horoscope or in synastry/composite [Mid-point or Davison]. Ex: Mars in the 1st can indicate conflict to the self. Mars in the 7th can indicate complexity with enemies being close relationships. One can have issues with authority figures or those in leadership. Hidden enemies can be competitors or they may feel anyone who triggers these planets is a rival they need to “beat”. People who trigger “lust” or “Sexual urges” in a native may be perceived as a nemesis. In addition, rivals/enemies might display aggression, antagonism, self-serving habits, and impulsivity. Watch out for those who display toxicity in the form of domination or those who overall try to silence or step on your drive. These people can be ruthless, cruel, “bullies” or simply those who charge in a shoot first/ask questions later. 

Taurus/Venus in the 12th 

Enemies are involved with 2nd house realm of “possessions”. Things we get territorial over. This includes finances and things we appreciate. Enemies may accuse the native of stealing/taking something precious from them. Things they value. Be on guard for those who encourage over-indulgence, general excess, and materialism. Someone who once wore the mask of a friend may turn foe due to being envious of the things a native owns. The things a native has or their wealth. Venusian placements can indicate the type of relationship a native has with their enemy. Ex: Venus in the 4th may indicate secretly toxic family members. Venus in the 11th= friends or those in their general social network. Venus in the 5th, casual lovers, etc. Fixed tendencies or feelings can exist in the underlying relationship between secret enemies. Be on the lookout for undoing in the physical/material realm. This includes thievery, hoarding, over-spending, or living beyond practical means.  Undoing can come from going after comfort and security in toxic or co-dependent ways. Lovers or those who provide wealth and security may become enemies by withholding it from a native or trying to gain control over it behind the native’s back.

Gemini/Mercury in the 12th 

Secret enemies can come in many forms. Generally, this will be in the realm of communication, ideals, or intellect. The interactions may be formidable and stem from communicative interactions or opposing views. A  secret enemy will often challenge the native’s wits or will simply strive to appear more intelligent than them. Superficiality, fakeness, disingenuousness, and two-faced behavior are common threads. Undoing can display itself as blockages to learning, gaining insights, and general discouragement of focus that can make the native grow. An enemy will, in layman’s terms, try to make you look stupid. Insult your mind. Make you lose focus. Mercury aspects and placements can reveal more. Ex: Mercury in the 11th can indicate surface level bonds with peers and communication that is not honest. Friends may lie. Mercury in the 9th possibly indicating enemies who may try to manipulate beliefs or manipulation in regard to teaching and religion. Secret enemies will reveal themselves in their communication methods with the natives. Through dialogue. Enemies here can use sarcasm, cowardly subs, insults veiled through “back-handed compliments”, passive aggression, insult you subliminally so you don’t realize you were attacked or insulted until after-the-fact. Slander, libel, or general shit talking. Think of Regina George:  “OMG I love your skirt!” only to turn around and say “That is the fugliest effing skirt I’ve ever seen”.  with the 3rd house involved, siblings and extended family could be culprits or part of the problem.  A toxic person may try to attack your intellectual confidence. Unethical approaches involved with words and general attacks of the mind. These people may intentionally cause confusion or gaslighting. Watch out for people you perceive to be liars. Therein lies the foe.

Cancer/Moon in the 12th

Veiled Nemesis’ are often difficult to feel. Things will be subtle. Their tactics or vibes will often display themselves in the form of manipulation, passive aggression, or a general “toying with the feelings”. Since the moon/Cancer often represents the “mother”, toxicity from a parent or child may be an issue or the culprit. A native will often feel their sense of security or safety being “attacked”. Enemies will attach their healing methods and/or emotional confidence. The placement of the Moon can indicate where emotional damage typically goes on. Ex: Moon in the 10th can indicate attacks to the public person or prestige or even the career. Coddling, not being able to let go, clinginess and overprotection are general themes. Perhaps a parent or guardian, lover, or close friend is incessantly over-protective that it causes a stunt to general emotional and mental growth. Again, it may be hard to see since it is the moon that can be a mysterious place as is the 12th house. The channel that one discovers said enemy will typically be through intuition and even dreams. Remember, through said over-protection and general fear of letting go can lead to the native’s undoing. We often see the toxic side of femininity with this placement. Mom, Grandma, sister, great grandmother, etc can be involved in the problem here. Child-abuse, using the child as a pawn during custody battles, emotional manipulation in order to get what the enemy wants can be what causes the nemesis theme. A hidden enemy may cloak themselves as “just wanting the best for you” or “I do it because I love you and care.” The enemy may not be able to let go.

Leo/Sun in the 12th

Foes will strive to exert their and dominance over a native. This will display itself as the spirit of competitiveness, bullying, domination, bossiness, arrogance, etc. Think leonine traits at their worst. Leo in the 12th will do this behind the scenes with power plays. How they can lord things over a native. The father could be a culprit in this or the father could be part of the issue. Daddy issue [regardless of sex]. Internalized misogyny. The Sun’s placement can reveal more. Sun in the 3rd will try to influence the mind or dominate the intellect. Sun in the 6th indicates a coworker or boss or one may feel/be overshadowed at work. The battle will always be involved with the core ego or one’s sense of self. A hidden enemy will try to greatly influence this person in this realm. A hidden nemesis will try to act like the dominant parental figure or act as if they are giving good sage-like guidance or person. They will try to act like the authority figure. This person will drain the native’s energy stores. The definition of an energy vampire. Why? because even as humans, we get our energy from the Sun. We are heliocentric. One can often feel drained energetically after dealing with such an individual. This will reveal to you “who” the enemy is. In addition, we can see more themes of toxic masculinity here just like Mars in the 12th. Moreover, the enemy may not be another person but the own native’s hubris. They need to take care not to allow their ego to run roughshod over them. Pride comes before the fall.

Virgo/Mercury in the 12th 

Secret enemies with this placement will often reveal themselves by criticism. More specifically, criticism about things a native is very insecure about. The critiquing will be neither healthy nor remotely helpful. It will scar instead fo heal. Hidden foes will wear the mask of the “caretaker” or “healer”.  Their behavior will simply be a means to an end. The native will often find themselves internalizing the criticism which is exactly what their enemy wants. The words the foe spouts will be sort of like Simon Cowell’s analytical stance. Harsh but not in a way that builds. One may often find the enemy saying things like “that’s just my opinion.” they will veil it under the mask of “honesty” when in reality it is just shit-talking for shit-talking’s sake. These people don’t really care, they just like to take people down a peg. Be on the lookout for those who display “Munchhausen by proxy syndrome” towards you. The caregiver who secretly injures by tries to gaslight and cover it up under the guise of “love”.

Libra/Venus in the 12th 

Like Taurus in the 12th, similar issues will display themselves through relationships. The ones closest to us. Your hidden foes may hide under the mask of “friend”. They are nearer than you are probably comfortable with. Look for those who are near and dear. Now, will all your teammates, family ties or friends be enemies? No. But you’ll want to be careful who you let into your circle with said placement. Best friends turn to enemies. The ones who hate on you when something good happens. The friends who link with you through trauma bonds but when you successfully break that tie, they are angry at every “win” you have. These people will be the ones who don’t clap when you win. The people who say they are “there for you” but stab you in the back.  They’ll secretly compete with you. Those who thrive and gloat when you are down and out. Enemies in this house will threaten your harmony and balance somehow. They will not respond well to diplomacy or will mask their ill-intent through the mask of “sweetness” and “Friendliness”. You’ll feel a shallow vibe from them. They’ll say one thing but their energy screams something else. Friends who are fair weather. Those who take advantage of a native’s attachment, or infatuation. A lover who ghosts or tries to make you co-dependent on them. An enemy or toxic person may actually lust or secretly desire you but manipulate you into thinking you are the one obsessed with them. There will be subtle mind games. They will enjoy toying with you. Delayed gratification or just manipulation. Think 5 of swords and 3 of cups paired.

Scorpio/Pluto in the 12th 

Paranoia resides here. Hidden foes will be quite underhanded and manipulative. Secrecy is seriously involved. People with this placement live by the mantra “expect anything from anyone, the devil was once an angel”. Betrayal, possessiveness, control and power themes, vengeance, and guilt are involved with enemies. Anyone who triggers these themes recurringly may be individuals to keep your distance from. People who trigger self-destructive tendencies are enemies to look out for. Moreover, a native can feel like they are their own worst enemy. Remember, a Scorpion is prone to stinging themselves. Enemies here are prone to trying to turn the native against themselves. This toxic behavior will be intentional. Toxicity will display itself through trauma bonds, possessiveness, gaslighting, manipulation, envy, or just general attempts at control and domination. Remember, the general theme here is “power and transformation.” Enemies are often those who boast a considerable amount of power [over the native or those who are powerful in general]. The danger in this placement? A native may feel a strong magnetic pull or obsessive fascination towards the enemy. This can appear in the natal, synastry, or composite chart. Watch out for the lover who seems to have a hold on you but you don’t know how or can’t seem to break it. They know what they're doing *sucks teeth*. Secret enemies desire to manipulate you or play the ventriloquist. Their goal is to see you be your own downfall. They’ll wade in the shadows, pouring gasoline on the fire of the flames of your self-destruction. Watch out for those who smirk while you’re going through a hard time. Or those who encourage you to do things you inwardly know aren’t good for you. Be on the look out for power-hungry individuals. Those who NEED to be worshipped. The types to lead “cult-like” followings and draw you in. This can often be displayed through seduction.

Sagittarius/Jupiter in the 12th

Hidden enemies/foes will be very fanatical and zealous. Enemies here lie in the realm of philosophies, teaching, higher learning, or religious beliefs. These enemies will be toxic gamblers. People who enable you or encourage self-indulgence, promiscuity, and general recklessness. They won’t ever warn you or ask you to heed caution. Ever. They’ll mislead you, tell you half-truths, or cherry-pick facts and figures to suit their own needs. They’ll make you think you’re getting the full picture but you won’t be. They’ll teach harmful beliefs, things that destroy faith in what is tangible or real. Make shit up to suit their own propaganda. It’s very similar to Neptune since both Jupiter and Neptune rule the spiritual. What they teach you may make you feel bogged down. They’ll use beliefs and doctrine to control. Their passion and zeal may make you feel as if what they are spouting is the end-all-be-all but it tends to be the opposite. Gloating and one-upmanship are themes as well. These hidden enemies will reveal themselves by questioning your beliefs or forcing you to believe theirs or causing dramatic scenes when you don’t conform or question theirs.  The nemesis might be a professor, guru, preacher, priest/priestess, or political leader. They’ll be exaggerators, quite preachy, and cloak their arrogance under another mask. Often it will be “confidence” but ultimately it’s bravado or self-absorption. They’ll be charismatic, yes, but they’ll attack your aspirations, idealism, talents, and dreams or simply try to tell you they’re not there or tell you you don’t really know yourself- they do. They’ll tell you they “know you better than you know yourself”.  Again the theme is “beliefs”. They will dissuade you from forming any thought process that doesn’t align with their own. They won’t encourage you to learn for yourself, cross reference, cite your own sources, or guide you to thinking for yourself. It will always have to be in the confines of what THEY believe for it to be seen as “appropriate”.

Capricorn/Saturn in the 12th

Hidden enemies or foes will often be a threat to growth. They’ll be restrictive. Threaten a native’s ambitions, reputation, prestige, groundedness/security. They may present themselves or even be authority figures. Power games are seen here. Guilt, repression, feelings of guilt, and/or general suppression of self-expression and drive. These individuals will be calculated. Very chess-like. Wealth or the legacy of a native and their possessions will be threatened or at risk when one has this placement. The enemy will display an austere persona. Could even be the father, grandfather, great grandfather, etc. Masculinity is involved here. Disappointment and criticism are extreme themes they’ll subject you to. This is how you’ll figure out who they are. They’ll be cold, want control, or be controlling. EXTREMELY negative. They’ll also be greedy or attempt to hold a native back from success, prosperity, or independence. Maturity will be inhibited. Opportunities thwarted. But they’ll mask it all under “wanting the best for you.”  The enemy could even be an individual's lack of exploration or their own self-repression. They could cause themselves to be too hard on themselves which could lead them into self-imposed depression. They must learn to be free. LIVE.

Aquarius/Uranus in the 12th

Hidden foes and/or enemies can be erratic. They’ll operate in a very unpredictable manner.  Their behavior will be exciting so it may be hard to recognize it at first. They may appear out of the blue. The nemesis might attack a native’s individuality and freedom. They may cause chaos and disruptions in your life. The enemy may not respect your individuality or differences and/or freedom. They’ll disapprove of the unique way of life your lead. [Look at Saturn as well as Uranus]. Your freedom will always be a threat to theirs and vice versa. Look out for those who seem “out there” and who try to coax you into avant-garde ways of doing things. It may not always be in your best interest. You could wind up with sudden breaks, accidents, unpredictable events because of them. They may cause disruptions to your security or cause so much confusion they can cause severe damage to your psyche [Uranus can also rule intelligence and mental dealings]. They’ll be recognizable as the “rebels”. They may not always be the types to intentionally wish you harm but may lead you to it. They’ll be, eccentrics, or anarchists and can lead you astray. Their agenda is to be agents of chaos. Think of the Joker from the Dark Knight. “Do I really look like a guy with a plan?” It will be hard to see. You may even be enthralled. Again this is the 12th house. Lots of instability here. The enemy could even be the individual's need for rebellion which can cause them to get themselves into trouble because they don’t see the threat or danger involved or they simply don’t care.

Pisces/Neptune in the 12th

Hidden foes may have may connections to karma. The feelings will be extremely felt through intuition and psychic insights. You’ll feel them but not really know where they’re coming from. Often there will be a “Nessus/Dejanira” theme going on. The victim and abuser. Often, the native will be the abused.  Strong Manipulation. The enemy will make you drink the “Kool-aid”. Their abuse often stems from their own hurt and trauma. They’ll claim they want to heal you or help you. Their “aid” will be cloaked under sympathy and love. Often it is an illusion. In reality, they’re wanting something. Being used can often be a theme. Themes of addiction or drug abuse can live here, too. Think of Bobby and Whitney or even Syd and Nancy. Enabling addictions are very prevalent. Now the enemy may not even be a person but addictions themselves can be the undoing or downfall. One with this placement must be careful in indulging in mind-altering substances. Alcoholism can be an issue as well. If it is an actual individual, the foe can play the martyr or cause you to sacrifice something precious to you. They can play off your insecurities or weakness and keep you emotionally dependent. They can toxic to your spirituality or try to influence your spirituality as well.

[youwontlikethisblog]

Betty, My Betty! Part 2

Okay as I'm writing this I'm rewatching this scene over and over to make sure that I'm picking up the vibes correctly.

After all the entire point of my commentary is to digest what the writer, Fernando Gainta, the director and actors wanted us to know.

We're still in the same time frame of Armando finding out Betty has a boyfriend, though to the audience we are fully aware that Nicolas is just Betty's friend and the person she used to disguise her crush on Armando, in other words, Betty's true love is Armando and he doesn't know that but believes that Nicolas is which feeds the cycle of paranoia this man has.

The day between Marcela and Armando started off estranged due to their argument the night before. Though at first they seemed to tolerate each other when Marcela went to yell at Betty for the checks not being in cash, like she said she had told her, Armando went to Betty's aid and yelled at Marcela(in the hall before she made it to Betty's office) and then he got the worse news of his life and has been on a rollar coaster of emotions.

In this first scene I'll be talking about: Marcela enters Armando's office, pissed off. Her eyes are shooting bullets at Armando and his voice is.. how do I say nonchalant but annoyed? It's mostly an oxymoron.She's asked about the money. He does have a sharp tone as he tells her "My love, I just signed the papers for her to do that." His eyes aren't behind as he too is shooting bullets at his fiance.

I have a love hate relationship with Marcela. One moment I really like her and the next I could strangle her, not enough to actually do it but enough to imagine it.

Marcela has her arms folded in front of her looking apprehensive while shifting on her feet and shaking. Not only does her tone of voice allow us to pick up on her mood, so does her body language. She truly dispieses Betty.

I want to add here that the previous night when Marcela insulted Betty as she was leaving you could tell Betty was upset and not only because of the insults towards her and Marcela insulting her work ethics and role in the company but she stared dead at Armando as if also upset at him. I placed myself in her shoes and my inner monologue was "If only this dude could keep it in his pants and stop being such a whore so I wouldn't get told that I don't do what my father paid for me to study and instead I'm his pimp that would me great! I hate this and you." because we do see Betty being level headed and understanding where Marcela is coming from though Marcela also never makes Armando take accountability for his infidelity which is annoying on both their parts.

Back to this scene.

Armando glares at her and says "Can you give me a second, my love?" he mocks at the end. In the next frame we see Marcela rolling her eyes, arms folded in front of her and our dear and sweet(this is sarcastic) Mario Calderon sticking to the shadows observing and inspecting everything silently. This is important to take into account as this is what allows him to be such a good manipulator because you're not even aware that he's doing it.

Armando without taking his eyes off of Marcela then yells for Betty, twice and Betty runs towards him and in her very sweet and calm voice says "Yes Sir?". I've seen this scene one too many times because I often rewind to study certain scenes, even before I started to write these post and it wasn't until now that I paid attention to Marcela's reaction.

Once again Armando has eyes on Marcela the entire time. Not even when Betty enters the room does he turn to look at her. His tone continues to be strong, allowing us to know that the frustration or anger he's feeling is not directed towards Betty here but Marcela.

However Marcela(Let me just say the actress is so pretty) is now playing her neck, and rocking on her feet. As Armando says "Tell me, did you get the money for the lady?" Marcela's body language is very interesting. As she goes to rub her chin and sports a smirk on her face.

I'm trying to understand why she would react that way as just a second ago she was fuming and then annoyed because Armando was yelling.

These are my two conclusions:

1) Since her back is towards them she could be assuming that he is directing that tone of voice and anger towards Betty, which would make her happy that Betty is paying the price for their argument.

2) That it brings her joy to anger Armando. In a previous post I talked about how Marcela always seems to be looking for an excuse to lash out at Armando and it could be that she enjoys to get him riled up as she says in some episodes back (the make up seggs is always good) or she just likes making him miserable.

Betty goes to hand her the money and asks her if she'd be kind to sign the papers. Betty, even when Marcela had insulted her, her profession, and her role in the company, speaks to her with respect and kindness. Marcela doesn't even look at her. Instead she just grabs the money and starts counting. Mario is in the background taking it all in.

When Marcela laughs at this and tells her "Ha! Are you suspicious? (insinuating that Betty was calling her a thief) or what?"Mario's eyes grow big as he panics(remember that he is worried that if people yell at Betty she'll turn against them(he too isn't that bright as he later leaves a letter that does just that))

Now Armando's reaction is different as his expression softens and he shifts from being annoyed or angered to now trying to buffer the situation. He goes to say "My love you know perfectly well that's just formality. Stop bothering so much" his eyes are wide, his tone of voice shifts from annoyed to apprehensive and Marcela yells and tells him "Don't scream at me!" and he hisses her "You are unbearable."

Betty is really just standing between the both of them uncomfortable as I would too.

Marcela reminds Armando of what they talked about the previous night and how he hasn't done neither one thing or the other. We get a brief frame of Armando, lips tight in a line in anger to then softening them a bit to stare at Betty. This allows us to know that it is an unpleasant idea, in a sad way, for him to fire Betty or even think about it and not because she's the owner of Eco Moda.

Marcela proceeds to tell him not to expect a different Marcela or for her to be kind and we get music that sounds like the jaws song as she exits the office.

Now Mario has been there the entire time. He hasn't said a single thing or done anything to aid the situation. All he has done is read the room, hear and observe everything and everyone.

This is reminiscent of what we come to see of Armando and Marcela's relationship. This is the day where it is solidified that their relationship is doomed and over with. At least the side of their relationship that kept them off each others throats for long. Where Armando would at least make the effort to talk to her and be open, even when she always turned it around to make it about herself and he always had to swallow down his feelings and comfort her when it was him who needed it. Their relationship had some sort of fighting ground. That's what kept them fighting but if we're being honest here their relationship was mostly based on two people who just enjoyed screwing each other. It wasn't based on love, respect, honesty, or loyalty but based on the commitment to their parents and family and seggs.

When I was in middle school I had this teacher talk to us girls about lust and love and how at our age, which was emotional immaturity, we could assume that because we felt attraction it was love but that they were two different things.

Lust is based on physical wants and needs whilst love is based on emotional and spiritual wants and needs. Love is the desire to give while lust is the desire to receive.

Armando and Marcela have never been in love with each other instead they've been in lust with each other except one mistakes this lust for love and mistakes love for possession.

Knowing to tell these things apart in our romantic life helps us establish a healthy relationship and sadly Marcela hasn't learned to tell these two things apart and this scene shows us that very well. Their relationship is doomed and there is no going back because she asked for the head of the person who is changing the life of Armando Mendoza and not just professionally and economically but in a mental and emotional way and though he isn't aware of that yet his subconscious is and it's made up its mind.

As Mario proceeds to ask him what she's talking about he[Armando] tells him that Marcela asked for Betty's head. We then see Betty standing by her closed office door listening in.

Mario asks shocked "What?" because of course, how could he allow Marcela to ask for the head of the secret owner of Eco Moda?

Again our dear and stupid Armando is in another planet, or solar system, point is he isn't in the same wavelength that Mario is in. He goes to explain that Marcela thinks Betty is his accomplice and fixes him up with his dates which then leads to Mario frantically telling him that she's crazy and he can't contemplate that option.

Armando again is biting his thumb nail, he's nervous but agrees and his mood changes drastically. He looks determined as he tells Mario "I know, I know. Look, no one is going to touch Betty!"(in spanish he says "Nadie me va a tocar a Betty" making it possessive that no one will take Betty from him) and we get a cut to Betty hearing him say that.

Here's the important thing to note throughout this scene. Armando's body language and his reaction is shown directed towards Marcela, not Betty. While Mario directs the topic to Betty being the new owner of Eco Moda, therefore shouldn't be yelled at or fired, Armando is sticking to the emotional aspect of it all. How could he fire the girl who is unconditional and loyal to him? How can he fire the girl he likes? and most importantly that no one is taking his Betty away from him. Be that Marcela asking for her head(he's willing to pay the price and whatever Marcela throws at him but he isn't firing her) or Nicolas Mora being her boyfriend.

What makes this concrete? When he tells Mario that Marcela is just taking advantage of the situation with Claudia and that she's always wanted Betty out it shows us hIS thought process. He isn't concerned over Betty being the new owner. If he were he'd mentioned it, just like Mario has. He would say "Marcela isn't aware she's the new owner but we are and I can't fire her." but those words never escape his mouth, even in secrecy with Mario. However, Mario does say those words even when Betty is in the room over or at least insinuates it.

Fast-forward a bit we get a scene of Claudia picking up a bottle of an alcoholic beverage and we get a clean cut to Armando pouring himself a drink. The parallel would be Claudia is drinking because she is heartbroken due to Armando kicking her out of his office so angrily the previous night and then we have Armando pouring himself a drink in the same time frame, he is stressed and he has started to drink more in the past few days but the back to back scenes with the same music tell us that he's also drinking due to a broken heart.

Armando can't catch a break right now.

Again this isn't speculation as when Mario point that out and tells him that it's too early to be drinking Armando gives him a list of excuses saying "Don't you think I've got a pretty sinister day today? Marcela and I are at each other's throats and today is the new[collection] launch. Plus! In that hotel there's a crazy model waiting for me and I don't know what she's going to do when I get there" The problems go escalating little by little as he list them and then he says "and on top of that, on top of everything-" when we say that phrase it means that we've already established we've got problems but what makes all those problems worse, what makes your situation worse is the next problem you're about to list which is the worst. His tone goes from being frustrated like he was naming the other problems to bringing his voice down and in a solemn tone saying "My Betty, has a boyfriend." he then proceeds to say that they are in his[Nicolas aka Betty's eternal love] hands.

Now one again could argue that his concern is Eco Moda because now he is untrustful of Betty and Nicolas with Eco Moda and I will argue back that the writing tells us otherwise.

[Read my two previous post regarding this because it makes it clear that the writer wanted us to know that Armando did trust Betty and Nicolas previous to the knowledge that Nicolas is Betty's eternal love.(I like to say that because I imagine that's what Armando hears in his head when he thinks of Nicolas)]

Had that been his concern he would have said this: 'Don't you think I've got a pretty sinister day? Tonight is the launch for the new collection, there's a crazy model waiting for me at the hotel and I don't know what she's going to do to me when I get there and plus we're in Betty and Nicola's hands now because I've lost the company and on top of that Marcela and I are at each other's throats!' but he continues to hang onto the fact that Betty, his Betty, has a boyfriend which is his biggest concern next to Nicolas existing.

His anguish is that: Betty has a boyfriend.

His concern is that: The boyfriend works in Terra Moda.

His pain in the butt is: Marcela is at his throat asking for Betty's head.

Mario then tells him that he won't deny that he is worried about Betty's situation but that they need to handle the situation delicately and that Armando cannot judge her for it. Cut to a frame of Armando staring at his glass of whisky to squinting his eyes at Mario; who then tells Armando not to criticize Betty's personal life. Again Mario is trying to keep Armando from pushing Betty against them in turn taking away the company.

"You can't question her for not telling you about the boyfriend. You can't take away your trust!" he hisses at the end.

Armando's eyes are the main reaction we get here as the rest of his face is covered by the whisky glass he had in hand. His eyes narrow. He is concentrating on what Mario is telling him and is paying attention to him.

This is setting ground for the later manipulation as Armando begins to do this a lot.

The music changes to a more intriguing one. Mario stands up and leans towards Armando on the desk and whispers "you know what we have to do? What we have to do is to really figure out who he is, what he does and what kind of person he is before we start to panic."

Now who is Nicolas?

We know he is Betty's oldest friend and longest friendship and that he cares about Betty. He went to defend her against Roman and his friends even when he got hit for it. We know that he is protective of her and besides having a crush on a woman we know and he knows bullies and mistreats Betty, he is a good friend to Betty.

He prioritizes her feelings and he does anything to make her happy. Even going along with Betty's lies and schemes.

He tries to advise her to put everyone in their place when they abuse her for her looks when she becomes the owner of Eco Moda, once again showing us that he wants Betty's best interest and doesn't like that people treat her poorly. He is naive and somewhat dumb when it comes to real life problems like dating and social interactions.

Personally I find Nicolas endearing and I think Nicolas has always been very kind to Betty and always done his best to put a smile on her face.

He does let himself get distracted with the idea of riches and he brags about what he doesn't have but even then Nicolas is still morally and ethically correct. He has those tendencies and desires but he never goes through with them because his love for Betty and his loyalty to her keep him from it.

Nicolas is a good person flaws and all.

We know this, Betty knows and Armando knows this.

How are we sure he knows this?

Betty herself said to him "He is my other me" I don't have to breakdown what that means because we know she means that he is basically the same person within that she is therefore, Armando knows who Nicolas is and his distrust isn't based on Nicolás taking the company away. When he said that they were now in his hands he could have meant "Betty is in his hands".

It's important once again to understand this because it isn't until later that day that he finds out about what Mariana told Betty, again we know that Nicolas is the alias Betty uses for Armando, but he doesn't know this.

Right now his true anguish is that Betty has a boyfriend and that boyfriend is Nicolas Mora, an object of disdain to him now and we understand his mistrust isn't based on Eco Moda and what they could do to it but that Nicolas is Betty's boyfriend and he can take her away from him.

It isn't until after Bertha tells him everything Mariana said about Betty and her eternal love(I am referring to the real one being Armando) that he begins to distrust Nicolas as an individual(without Betty) who can "manipulate" Betty with love to turn against them and this then shows the true disgusting nature that two egocentric and selfish people will show.

Armando did use Betty to secure Eco Moda and it is wrong. Mario thought that the only way a girl like Betty could ever get anyone interested in her or get someone to love her was only on interest of money. However and I need to remind you of this, Armando had another reason to go with the plan and it wasn't just that he is a disgusting human being at this point of the novela, but he subconsciously already liked Betty. He already had feelings for her that he didn't understand and he tried to justify for other things.

My personal theory regarding this topic is that Armando in a sense thought he was saving the company and Betty. He thought that by going along with this plan to make Betty fall in love with him he was saving her from Nicolas, who didn't truly love or care about Betty in his opinion and was only going to use her for the money but unlike him [Nicolas] Armando did care for her even if he didn't understand how and the depths of his feelings towards Betty. So he killed two birds with one stone.

He would secure that Nicolas wouldn't convince Betty to take away Eco Moda by promising her love and that Nicolas didn't take Betty away from him therefore saving Betty from pain.

I still haven't gotten to those episodes, I have seen them so I'm going off by memory but again, these three minute or five minute scenes give so much information. Fernando Gaitan did a tremendous job with foreshadowing and parallels(also the actors all have so many ticks that identify their moods that it's so fun to watch!) that it's really fun to pick apart these scenes because they have later consequences in the following episodes.

This post is already long enough lol so I will make another post about this same episode.

[rosesastrology]

Dejanira (157) - The victim

Dejanira shows where we feel victimised in life. Aspects tend to be more important here than signs and houses, though those do give a general image. Conjunctions tend to manifest in enhancing the planet Dejanira is in conjunct to. Dejanira conjunct Mars, for example, tends to signify that the native is a victim of their Mars- this could manifest in various ways. A water Mars conjunct dejanira could signify that the native represses their anger and is a victim to their own emotions, it could even indicate self harm. Mars conjunct dejanira in general usually talks about being a victim to anger or sexual relationships.

* Keep in mind that the aspects tend to change certain interpretations depending on the aspect, planets involved, degree, orb, etc.

Dejanira in the signs:

Dejanira in Aries: One of the harder positions to have Dejanira in would be Dejanira in Aries, in my opinion. Out of experience and observations, Dejanira tends to repress the native’s sense of self and leads to a life of self discovery with eventual acceptance (in the best case). These people can have short tempers but in general, natives often suppress their anger and passions. They repress this part of themselves. They tend to have bold dreams, and may feel enslaved their own saviours and passions in a way. Often the native struggles with self-acceptance and self-care. They are usually a victim to the self, quite literally. A theme in their life seems to be growth. The growth they go through is messy, it is a struggle and it doesn’t feel as though it helps (even if it does). They get stripped from the thing that brings them happiness time and time again until they actualise their independence and sense of self-acceptance.

Dejanira in Taurus: These natives tend to struggle with love and they’re prone to abusive relationships. The abuse can manifest in multiple ways, even materially (partner breaking their stuff, a partner who always gambles, etc). These natives may be very attractive, and prone to these types of abuse. They tend to be used when they really only want security, preferably on all fronts. If this dejanira does not manifest in the love area (due to aspects and houses, etc) it usually manifests in poverty or richness, of which the native needs to learn. Whether through love or through materials, the native feels as though they are victims of stability and safety- they often feel unstable, unsafe and unprotected.

Dejanira in Gemini: This could very easily manifest in being verbally abused, bullied, misled, topic of taboo or gossip. On the other hand, the native may be very unique to the point of being a loner and no one talking to them. This may cause them to feel alone. These natives feel as though they are a magnet for others to criticise and judge. They often feel misunderstood and as though others are laughing at their misfortune or mistakes. They usually don’t fit into a traditional school and are usually the subject of bullying when they’re young.

Dejanira in Cancer: While this could signify child abuse, I noticed that it often signifies parents who seem to be taking care of the native but are never actually there for them. The native may have had a nice childhood, but never developed a true relationship with their family. They don’t feel as though they truly have one. The native is usually very independent and tends to shut off their emotions partly, especially to their own children or friends. This is the type of person who does not cry in front of others willingly- usually.

Dejanira in Leo: These people tend to have given up on their chance of being in the spotlight. They’re endlessly selfless, both in their career and love life. They give and give and still blame themselves when things go wrong. They’re often pessimistic people. They’re scared of others leaving them, insecure, and generally need validation to feel whole.

Dejanira in Virgo: These people are overly critical of others and themselves. True perfectionists. They will not led their mistakes slide. They overthink their every move. They don’t allow themselves a breather. Sometimes this manifests in health issues, but usually it manifests in an overly critical and perfectionistic individual. They tend to be too practical, which can be the downfall of their own emotions.

Dejanira in Libra: native seeks beauty in everything but themselves. They tend not to care about themselves. They seek a sense of stability and feel as though they’re victims of the law/certain rules that were set for them. Their thoughts and their ways often get obstructed.

Dejanira in Scorpio: this usually manifests in extreme situations. I’ve often seen it manifest different types of abuse and crime within the life of the native. Sexual abuse seems to pull through consistently here, either that or exploit of the native by another person. They tend to get themselves involved in darker matters.

Dejanira in Sagittarius: the native does not fit into an average education system. Their parents mabe business people, or otherwise often absent from their lives. The native usually travels a lot, whether physically or mentally through escapism. They tend to try to run away from their problems but they always catch up. They’re impatient, they want what’s best but they want it now. They worry a lot.

Dejanira in Capricorn: this position often shows up in the charts of successful celebrities. It usually means the native feels enslaved or tied to their work. It can also mean they feel like a victim of society or the social system. On the other hand, this position often shows up in workless people too.

Dejanira in Aquarius: the native feels like a victim in groups. They may be a victim of bullying. They tend to be very different from other children when they’re young. They’re overly unique, or so they think. They tend to ‘just want to be normal’. They’re often misunderstood and have opposing or even radical opinions.

Dejanira in Pisces: similar to Scorpio, the native is prone to abuse and addictions. Bad coping mechanisms are very common with this placement. Often they feel as though their spiritual, creative or emotional gifts were repressed when they were younger.

[bmenvs3000]

Me, Myself and Nature Interpretation:

For my last blog prompt of the semester, I am excited to describe and talk about my personal ethic as I develop as a nature interpreter. However, it is only fair to first start this post off by defining what ethics means to me; ethics are principles that follow a specified assortment of morals, more specifically I think that ethics is knowing the difference between what is nobly right and what is nobly wrong and then basing your actions accordingly. Some of the qualities that a nature interpreter can possess include hope, passion and beauty. These qualities are very important to me as an individual as they encompass my personal code of ethics and beliefs that I carry with me and will continue to carry with me into the future. Over the past couple of weeks, thanks to this course, I have learned and obtained various skills and tools and while on this journey of interpretation, learning and growth, I began to realize that I have already possessed some of these skills prior without noticing. In this final blog post, I will discuss (in detail) my personal ethics, values and beliefs. I will also aim to describe how I believe that we as nature interpreters have an immense power to make positive futuristic changes. Lastly, I will share different approaches that I’ve used in different situations that have helped shape my abilities as a nature interpreter.

Looking back at my first ever blog post, I reflected on how my first experience with the spark of nature or in other words my first “sense of place” as Beck et al. describes; it was when I was younger. I reflected on different memorable camping trips that I had experienced with my family and cousins during the summer. Thinking back on this first blog post, I realize that to me a spark is really my first memorable experience with nature. It can happen at any age or stage in a person’s life; mine happened when I was young. My initial spark of spending time outdoors with close family led me to further observe and experience my natural surroundings, which in turn allowed me to further appreciate nature and all that it can do for me. Referring back to the course textbook, effective interpretation allows for the trigger of brain paths and stimuli and for the information to be processed and stored for later use. I think this is important to address because it is initially the first step that anyone has to take in order to become a nature interpreter and was a step that I now realize I had taken unknowingly when I was younger through my camping experience.

Heres a photo of me fishing while camping near Lake Simcoe, ON when I was younger. Fishing was something that I really enjoyed doing as it made me feel very relaxed and at peace.

The main value and belief that I bring to my interpretations is that everything in nature matters, this means respecting everything that nature has to offer while appreciating the land. Anyone can say that everything in nature matters, but do they really mean it? Well that’s a matter of perspective and opinion. I really do care about nature and its future as this was something that was passed along to me through my dad who is the biggest nature advocate that I know. So, put simply, yes, everything in nature matters and has a purpose. That being said, there are many other beliefs that I have that I feel should be addressed in relation to nature interpretation. Another important belief that I possess is knowledge, and more specifically sharing the things you learn with others. This is important as knowledge spreads awareness and with awareness comes change. I say this because we are currently in an environmental crisis and there are many problems at hand that the average person may or may not be aware of. I took Climate Change Biology (ENVS*3010) last semester and learned, in depth, of the many issues we are currently facing when it comes to climate change and our environment. Being able to share this information with some of my friends (who didn’t take the course) and some family members made me feel good in the sense that I was doing something to initiate a change (no matter how small). Throughout that course, I was able to comprehend the impacts that climate change has on human health, safety, the economy, our natural resources and our ecosystems. I could talk about this issue for hours on end, but for the sake of the word count all I can say is: Climate change is a global problem that requires a global solution and it needs to be talked about more. 

This is a photo I took off of @recycleseas instagram page. This page advocates for change and attempts to spread everyday awareness about the issues our planet is currently facing. I think about this picture often and wanted to share it with you guys. 

The main responsibility that I believe I have is the responsibility of using my knowledge to advocate for changes when it comes to different environmental issues. I feel as though this goes hand in hand with my previous talk about beliefs. Being privileged enough to go to university and learn first-hand about issues we face as a society I feel as though it is my responsibility to relay these issues to other people and make conversation. This doesn’t just go for issue-based knowledge, it applies to interpretational knowledge as well. This course has helped me understand the journey of a nature interpreter by peeling back the layers of the environment, appreciating them and understanding them. Once you have the knowledge of a nature interpreter you have such a rich understanding of the world that you want to protect it. Because of my passion towards nature, I find it is my duty and responsibility to share this passion with other people, so they too start their journey in becoming a nature interpreter.

As for approaches, I think some of the approaches that are most suitable for me include factual and practical approaches. I find that facts really stick with me and I can remember them really well, which would be useful to add to my interpretations. Additionally, practical approaches like learning how to identify thing works for me as well. I find that my go-to combo is based on factual and practical approaches; I like to identify things, research them (background information, history, etc.), and discuss them with others. I think this is a great way to develop identification skills, because it allows different perspectives to shine through during the discussion aspect of the approach.

To conclude, I’d like to end my final blog post by emphasizing how much I really enjoyed this course and how eye opening it has been to me as an individual interpreter. I loved being able to interact with my classmates and learn about their different perspectives as well. Overall this has been a great experience and it has me considering future career options in nature interpretation.

Thank you for reading!

Best,

Balsam

Reference:

Beck, L., Cable, T., & Knudson, D. (2018). Interpreting Cultural and Natural Heritage For a Better World. Urbana, IL: Sagamore – Venture Publishing LLC

[astrologysvt]

Another random question from a different anon, if we want to get into astrology where and how should we start? I'm really interested in these kind of things but I don't know where or how to start. Help me please TT

hi!! oh man i should probably make a whole general astrology master post about this stuff, i feel like i’ve talked about it but idk when or where or if i ever actually did 😭 but i’ll gladly talk about astrology all day every day so here we gooOOOOOO 

lol this got long so i’m putting it under read more 

tbh i think there are a few routes you can take if you’re just getting started. 

you can start with your own chart

you can start by observing people (family, friends, svt)

you can start more generally with the 12 signs and then work your way down to the details. 

personally, i started with my own chart and put the pieces together that way. what i did is i learned my own personal planets, and did a loooooot of reading and then put a bunch of dots together in terms of my own thinking and my own history. then i moved onto learning how to read my chart, and so that included houses, aspects, degrees, etc. etc. and i would then research every single significant aspect/placement i could find. i’d literally look up “moon trine mars” or “venus in the 8th house” and read every single thing i could find on that subject and saw what everyone was saying to kind of figure out the “core” of the interpretation so i could figure out how it specifically related to me. from there i was able to notice similar placements in others, and it familiarized me with the language in ways that resonated and held weight for me personally which then helped me understand the nuance and dynamics of astrology better.

from there, i did branch out in observing others and while i obviously observed my friends and family and strangers -- observing svt has been a HUGE help in learning how to read people and energies. i don’t think, if you’re just getting started, that you should be watching hours and hours of svt content with each member’s chart out knit picking all the tiny details. but take a look at their personal planets, do a bit of research on those, get a feel for the common things people have to say about those energies, and THEN watch hours and hours of svt content lolol. it starts a bit of a dialogue in your brain on how certain placements pop out, it allows you to see how dynamic people can be, and allows you to understand where certain actions may be coming from. from there, you can do a similar thing that you’d do with your own chart and start picking out details once you feel you’ve gotten a hang of that.

or you can start more generally and literally study astrology. thats cuz once you get a hang of astrology, you really start to see that it is a super logical system. start with the 12 signs and do research on those. from there the language, energies, and kind of mythology surrounding the signs are then applied over and over but in different ways and with different nuances/applications. for example, the 12 houses unsurprisingly follow the same format and interpretation of the signs. the 1st house is aries house, the 7th house is libras house, and the 10th house is capricorn’s house. FROM THEEEREEE, the planets then have sign rulership. for example, the moon is ruled by cancer. so the influence and values of cancer, are then applied to THE MOOOOOON. it’s all a super interwoven crazy system. you can even dial it even further back and focus on modalities and elements. aries, cancer, libra, and capricorn are all cardinal signs. the 1st, 4th, 7th, and 10th houses are all cardinal houses. scorpio, cancer, and pisces are water signs. 4th, 8th, and 12th houses are water houses. cancer is ruled by the moon, scorpio by pluto, pisces by neptune -- these are all going to have water-like influences on the houses they are in, and planets they are in contact with. so you can kind of see how they all kinda play into each other. it also works like time, so aries/1st house is infancy and then pisces/12th house represents the end of the life cycle and even the afterlife. WE CAN EVEN APPLY IT TO THE BOOODY, aries rules the head and pisces rules the feet. and so if you look at it like that, the narrative in and of itself is super logical as well. SOOOO if you’re the type who wants to study, who wants to know all the language, or wants to understand the system/big picture before you try and apply it then this is where you could start. it’s a more broad and abstract approach, and i think it runs the risk of getting mentally exhausting, but if thats how ur brain works then power to you!!! 

[hermeticimp]

Firefly - Chasing After The Fleet-Footed Messenger

Hey guys! So the next asteroid that I wanted to talk about was is named after our dear Greek trickster Hermes. As my patron, this was the first asteroid I started looking at, at least with this particular project. I’ve spoken about my relationship with him a lot on this blog before, but this time we’ll get to say what my birth chart has to say about our connection. I’m excited! Let’s jump in! 

Hermes - god of travelers, communication, commerce, shepherds, thieves, psychopomps, adventurers, boundaries, messengers, and about a thousand other things. However, most important is this case is that he’s the god astrology. As such, this is great devotional act that I will be taking full advantage of. 

Hermes (69230) is located in Capricorn in the 11th house. It is conjunct Aquarius Uranus and Capricorn Neptune, which are also in the 11th, and trine my Virgo Mercury in the 7th. I’ll break down the individual components before synthesizing them together. 

Aquarius is the sign of individuality, rebellion, and revolution

The 11th house deals with themes of purpose, friendships, groups, societal structures, finding one’s tribe, and resonance

Uranus is the planet of individuation, freedom, epiphanies, and sudden change

Capricorn is the sign of hard work, power, integrity, and self-control

Neptune is the planet of intuition, the unconscious, spirituality, illusions, and transcendence

Virgo is the sign of self-analysis, service, growth, and perfectionism

Mercury is the planet of information, thought, communication, the mind, and observation

The 7th house is about intimate relationships, equality, interdependence, healthy relationships, rapport, support

Conjunctions indicate that the energy of two or more planets blend together and are hard to tell apart

Trines point to two or more planets having a easy-going relationship that can indicate talents and gifts

My initial analysis is that Hermes is a guiding light of sorts for me. He’s inspires me to go after my dreams and aspirations, regardless of how out there they may be. As long as they resonate with and express my inner most desires, he encourages me to pursue them. He sees the potential that I struggle to see myself. He reminds me to have faith in the work that I’ve already done. With that, there’s no expectation that I have to follow any rules of interaction with him that don’t vibe with me. It’s important that I do what feels right for me and not anyone else. Otherwise, I put myself at risk for being led astray, which is a topic that preoccupies my mind already. When I find myself doubting things, he leads me to epiphanies, people, and opportunities that reaffirm my belief in the powers that be. 

Beyond that, I can feel his energy rather easily. Though it is most noticeable when working with others and being authentic to myself, it’s something I’m nearly always rather conscious of. There’s a close bond between the two of us. Communication, information, and intuitive knowledge flow naturally in our relationship. Even when my conscious mind may deny things, my intuitive side doesn’t and he helps bridge the gap between the two. However, he won’t tell me everything. There are times where he challenges me to figure things out on my own as they will make more sense and easier to accept. Some things just won’t sink in without personal experience. Even then, the option to bounce ideas off of him is there. Clues and hints are communicated, but it’s still for me to analyze and piece together. 

One final note is that I find it interesting that this asteroid is trine Mercury. In mythology, Mercury is the Roman counterpart of Hermes. They are both deities of travel, communication, messengers, merchants, wit, thieves, psychopomps, and tricksters. Out of most of the Greco-Roman deities, these two are the most conflated. I admittedly haven’t worked with the Roman pantheon. I just thought it was an intriguing placement. It could indicate that working with both deities could work well. Only time will tell.  All of that being said, how does this compare to my personal relationship with Hermes? Honestly... it fits to a T. Hermes has helped me through a lot. Even when I doubted the existence of deities, I always felt a pull towards him. I have a firm trust in him, much like I would a close friend (11th and 7th houses). When I’ve talked to him, he’s advised me to be more authentic and true to who I am rather than sticking to what others may expect of me (Aquarius Uranus and Capricorn Neptune conjunction). I’ve struggled with how to interact with him on many an occasion because I let what other polytheists said dictate what I did. Never once did that feel right until I saw a post from @underworldariel about approaching relationships with the gods the way it feels right for you (fitting that Ariel herself has some Aquarius placements). That opened up the path that has led me to where I am now - a person who works with and is devoted to the God of Messengers. @lands-end-ada once told me that where Uranus lies is where you’re most prone to get bad advice. Neptune has themes of spirituality. With the close ties between Hermes and these planets in the 11th (resonance, friendships, societal expectations), I think that suits this situation perfectly. 

I do feel closest to him when I’m being of service to others (Virgo) and honoring myself (Aquarius), which allows me to align my professional interests with my personal ones (Capricorn). However, I do see his influence in my more personal relationships. With my friends and family, I’m often the communicator. People come to me with their problems, I mediate (which is admittedly my 7th house Libra Sun too), I pass along messages and information, I give advice, I get people together, and I’m the one who keeps up with what everyone is doing and how they’re feeling. Even though I’m an introvert, it’s a role I’ve fallen into rather naturally. It just feels right to maintain those connections. All of this points to the trine between Hermes and my 7th house Virgo Mercury. Sure, it also indicates the fact that Hermes and I understand each other with perfect ease and comfort, but I’ve been recognizing this aspect playing out more and more recently. With the quarantine and global pandemic, I’ve been keeping up with my loved ones and updating them on each other more often: I’ve arranged a weekly video chat with my friends, talk to family members regularly, entertain my siblings, and relay any info I get on social media about those I don’t talk to as much. I have always related to Hermes’ messenger aspect, but this whole situation just made it stand out all the more. 

Outside than that, there’s been constant reminders to rest before I delve into spiritual topics (Neptune) and work (Capricorn). Part of this has manifested as literal rest, but it’s also about clearly communicating my needs so I don’t end up overwhelmed by others (7th house Mercury). I been having all sorts of “Aha!” moments (Uranus) when it comes to talking about how I feel and how I process things (the latter also pertaining to Mercury). It has shown itself through a desire to roleplay, act, and do creative things (Neptune) as a means to express myself. I’ve even been experimenting with my dance style (hip-hop & latin to interpretive influences). This is how I’ve been learning to cope with my mental and physical health (Virgo & Mercury) through this outbreak. Hermes is lingering around and pushing me towards what I need even if I have trouble sensing him around (11H Neptune). The asteroid is about to start transiting (moving through) my 1st house (personality, outlook, sense of self, self-confidence) in Pisces (spirituality, mysticism, dream, consciousness). It’s very likely that Hermes will start playing an even bigger part in my practice and I’ll be following him further down the rabbit hole (according to Ada’s post here). I’m excited for the adventure! Always am with him.  Thank you so much for reading! Please let me know if you have any questions! ^_^

[kylosupremeimagines]

Knights of Ren OCs

So after watching the Rise of Skywalker, I am immensely disappointed with how the Knights of Ren turned out. And I’m pretty sure many others are as well. Of course, all the hype for them was great and we were left wondering about them for years only to be let down with a lack of importance for them in the movie. 

I’ve had these OCs for quite a few years now and after what we got with the movie, I thought that it would be great to share them! It’s a diverse group of Force Users, all of them coming from the temple, which means that there is some lore changed since I created them before the movie/comic came out. Either way, I still think that they’re great! 

(*SPOILER FOR TROS IN THIS PARAGRAPH!* Also, in reference to Cazalin: I created her long before this movie even came out, and I originally wrote her as the granddaughter of Palpatine through Sly Moore. It’s an important part of her character. Despite how the Rise of Skywalker turned out - both with Rey being a Palpatine as well as what Palpatine did with knowing he had a grandchild - I’m not changing that about her. So it looks like Rey now has a Knight of Ren Cousin!) 

Cazalin (Main OC with RPs)

(Willa Holland)

Name: Cazalin Zera Crandora-Palpatine (Granddaughter) 

Alias: Caz Ren 

Rank: Knight of Ren, Commander

Gender: Female

Birth Planet: Corellia 

Species: Human/Umbaran Hybrid

Affiliation: First Order, Knights Of Ren 

Age: 29 (Born 6 ABY)

Skin: Pale | Has light blue/Purple markings around eyes and on lips

Hairstyle: Wavy | Thick | To Lower Back | Braided

Hair Color: Warm Brown 

Eye Color: Pale Green (Umbaran Gene)

Scars: Lightning scar due to Snoke going down entire back/parts of her right side, cybernetic left arm from starting just above the elbow (has synthskin), various smaller ones.

Positive Traits: Her drive is something that pushes her constantly. She puts pride in her work and wants to make sure that the First Order works to its highest ability. Deep down, however, she knows that much of what they’re doing is wrong and part of her hopes to one day put an end to Snoke so that he can’t treat the people of the galaxy with as much abuse and control as he does some of the knights (especially Kylo). Sure, she was full of anger at first for Luke, but that doesn’t mean she’s a complete monster.

Negative traits: With the passion she holds, Cazalin tends to be extremely stubborn. She likes to stick to one plan if she can help it and rarely dives away from her original plans. It mainly comes from her constant anxiety of failure thanks to the high expectations Snoke has on all of the Knights. She also doesn’t let a lot of people in. But even with the few that she holds close - like the other Knights of Ren - she sometimes feels to be a burden to them thus opts not to turn to them in times of emotional need. Therefore, she has a lot of emotions building up which can be dangerous in the wrong situation.

Likes: meat, studying holocrons, the idea of making changes to the Order, soft blankets, training, sleeping in silence. 

Dislikes: Manipulation, the ocean, bug creatures, snow/the cold, her family (from childhood)

Motivations/drives: Her main motivation is the idea of growing stronger to later kill Snoke so that the Knights can take command with Kylo as the Supreme Leader. 

Character Flaws: She suffers from trauma that can cloud her judgment with emotions, and she tends to push herself too far to the point of utter exhaustion during both training and missions as a way to “punish” herself. 

Combat  Strengths: Agility, use of force lightning 

Combat Weaknesses: Physical strength, patience, can get provoked due to emotions

Main Weapon: Saber Staff | One Hilt | Two Blades | Two Red Crystals

Background/History: Cazalin grew up on Corellia with her mother Shalla (half human, half Umbaran, Child of Palpatine and Sly Moore), father Devron-Rell, and twin brother Drexen-Thel. Devron was close with her when she was a child, and he had encouraged her to embrace her powers while her mother didn’t want her using them, knowing the history with her own father, even if she wasn’t close with him at all. She lost her father due to a shipment accident at the shipyard, and with Shalla’s refusal to let her use her powers untrained, Cazalin ran off and eventually found herself at the temple. She and Ben became close friends, relating to him in the fact that a dark entity reached out to her through the Force. Later, she joined him and some other students to join the First Order. 

Dralin 

(Henry Cavill)

Name: Dralin Novar

Alias: Dralin Ren

Rank: Knight of Ren 

Gender: Male

Birth Planet: Ord Mantell

Species: Human

Affiliation: Black Sun (Previously), First Order, Knights of Ren

Age: 40 (Born 5 BBY)

Skin: Fair

Hairstyle: Sleek

Hair Color: Dark Brown 

Eye Color: Blue 

Scars: His left ring and middle fingers are cybernetic from losing them, Scar on the right hand from getting stabbed as a teenager. 

Positive traits: Despite his embrace of negative emotions through the dark side, many of the other Knights are rather unsure how Dralin is able to stay so calm. He’s patient and prefers to wait things out until he feels as if it’s the right time to strike. The man also holds respect for his fellow First Order Members so long as they are competently doing what they are supposed to. He allows room for error as long as there was a clear effort put in that showed no signs of total ignorance. He is also a man who seeks out knowledge, interested in certain aspects of sith alchemy or other like aspects of the Force. 

Negative traits: Opposite to his usual calm demeanor, he is terrifying the instances when he’s pissed off. He will often snap necks to prevent things from getting too gruesome - partially because of his OCD and dislike of getting excess blood on his tunic. He likes things to be swift so he’ll do what he can to avoid violent confrontation so long as circumstances allow for it. IT proves bad in certain situations when the other knights believe violence is needed. Because of that, he doesn’t work too well alone with Orus, thus they don’t go on certain missions alone together. 

Likes: Force Knowledge, peaceful resolve when possible, fancy wine, people who waste his time, opera music (loves going to The Galaxies Opera House on Coruscant.) 

Dislikes: Complete incompetence, ignorance, disorganization, people who don’t speak up when they have something important to contribute to a conversation

Motivations/drives: He genuinely wants to keep order in the galaxy, and believes that the First Order is the way to go.

Character Flaws: Sometimes he doesn’t see that diplomacy will fail and always insists on staying on his original route on trying to negotiate rather than doing the hard things that are necessary unless there’s no turning back from it. 

Combat  Strengths: Patience, talking his opponents down

Combat Weaknesses: Dislike of excess blood on his tunic, balancing his saber and force abilities when he uses them connected. 

Main Weapon: Curved Hilted Sabers | Attachable Hilts | Two Red Crystals

Background/History: Being born before the fall of the Galactic Empire, he had a few memories growing up about them. It’s Because his parents were workers at the Ord Mantell Deep Dock that he lived on the planet under the control of the Empire. His parents often were caught up with work so he had to take care of himself, therefore learning not to expect much as well as to respect people who fight for themselves. He had his basic needs met with having enough food and other similar things. He eventually ended up meeting Volgoth and getting involved with the Black Sun to better support himself. But it ended badly he escaped with the Devaroian to survive on their own for a while until joining Luke to learn the ways of the Force. 

Isa 

( https://www.tvovermind.com/darth-atroxa-cosplay-star-wars-old-republic/

Name: Isa Covell

Alias: Isa Ren

Rank: Knight of Ren

Gender: Female 

Birth Planet: Ryloth

Species: Twi’lek

Affiliation: First Order, Knights of Ren

Age: 33 (Born 2 ABY)

Skin: Ren

Hairstyle: None 

Hair Color: N/A

Eye Color: Gold

Scars: Cybernetic Implants above right eye that serves as a way to better hack into technology 

positive traits: Even if she can be ruthless sometimes in her actions, that doesn’t mean that she’s always so merciless. In fact, she will normally keep to herself and not say much unless needed. Therefore, she will be observant with her surroundings. Isa is very committed to her knowledge of technology and occasionally works with First Order to develop new ideas. In her free time, a lot of the time she will focus on technology as well as practicing hacking into systems. There’s a training room for the knights dedicated to this practice Because she was insistent that the others learn tricks For when she isn’t on missions. 

negative traits: She is a bit of a mystery, as she seems to lack some basic emotions. It’s not that she doesn’t feel at all but she’s become numb to certain feelings. Therefore, she can be a mixed card and hard to read, unpredictable if you would like to call it. It frightens many in the first order Because they’re all terrified that with one wrong move, they will have their heads. There is no telling if she will tear you in two or if she will merely bush things off and forget about them. Also, she tends to “pop” out of nowhere and scared people with how quite she was. 

Likes: Sweets (Guilty Pleasure), technology, massages. 

Dislikes: Medication, when people stare at her, people who try to talk too much, talking too much herself, red meats, mentions of her past. 

Motivations/drives: She doesn’t really seem to have one, but rather just does things to do things. 

Character Flaws: The fact that she’s pretty lacking in the emotions department. 

Combat  Strengths: Not showing her emotions to the enemy (Therefore, being unpredictable), Use of technology (she’s great with decoding and hacking, plus has a lot of knowledge about technology overall and knows how to use it against her opponents.)

Combat Weaknesses: Stealth (Prefers to run right into a fight rather than wait to get things over with), 

Main Weapon: Saber With Retractable Handle | Red Crystal

Background/History: Isa comes from a family of Twi’lek refugees that gave birth to her a couple of years before the Emperor died. She doesn’t remember anything from those days but ess met with the after-effects of the empire when her family tried to rebuild everything they and their people had lost. With all that her parents were doing, she tended to be forgotten about and neglected. Therefore, forming social bonds was never a strong suit for her with the lack of a proper social and emotional upbringing. It played a part in her difficulties of understanding the proper functions of emotions or how to handle them. Let’s just say she’s not too great at making friends because of such an upbringing. 

Jerex

( https://forums.tomshardware.com/threads/swtor-making-a-char-the-resembles-darth-maul.2540321/ 

Name: Jerex Donos

Alias: Jerex Ren

Rank: Knight of Ren

Gender: Male

Birth Planet: Unknown

Species: Zabrak

Affiliation: First Order, Knights of Ren

Age: 32 (Born 3 ABY)

Skin: Red (Black Markings)

Hairstyle: None

Hair Color: N/A

Eye Color: Yellow with Red Ring around the iris 

Scars: Scar along mouth (think Heath Ledger Joker(

positive traits: Despite being a more aggressive Knight who isn’t afraid to express his emotions, he tends to be calmer around the other Knights. He trusts them all with his life and holds high respect for reach other them; they’ve all got their strong suits and always prove to be valuable assets to the team. Deep down, Jerex genuinely cares for the others even if it is not obvious. He understands his emotions well and how to use each one to benefit him in battle. They never overpower him as he is always in control of his actions, therefore being effective in pushing back the complete influence of dark side where many others would fail. 

negative traits: Unlike someone such as Dralin, Jerex has little patience with people unless they are of a close rank to him, primarily being his fellow Knights of Ren or the Supreme Leader. He will usually go into a fight ready to get aggressive and dirty, but will not let himself go crazy like Orus might. He has some restraint, but only when it is extremely necessary for the occasion. Because he has a hard time finding reasons to respect others, he tends to just ignore anyone that he doesn’t believe is worth his time. 

Likes: Combat training, Warm weather, watching Volgoth and Orus bicker, lack of strict rules for himself on missions, meditating in the dark. 

Dislikes: Volgoth pushing him to drink, using bacta to heal his wounds, droids (some people suspect something happened in his past), 

Motivations/drives: To grow in strength, based on physical abilities and connection to the Force.

Character Flaws: His disrespect for some lower-ranked members of the First Order. 

Combat  Strengths: Stealth, utilizing his emotions in battle.

Combat Weaknesses: Speed, inability to properly use saber and offensive force abilities at once. 

Main Weapon: Spinning Double-Bladed Saber | Two Red Crystals

Background/History: One my see Orus of having the most mysterious background of all the Knights, but Jerex is a total Mystery to the point that even Kylo has no idea where he comes from. One day, he just showed up to the Temple with Master Luke and nothing was ever said about where he came from. The others don’t bother to question him about it as he had never shown even a drop of interest in telling them anything about himself. All that they can piece together is that he had a tough childhood that made him serious as an adult. 

Orus

(Megan Fox)

Name: Orus Valara 

Alias: Orus Ren

Rank: Knight of Ren

Gender: Female

Birth Planet: Unknown, though suspected to be Nar Shaddaa

Species: Human

Affiliation: First Order, Knights of Ren

Age: 28 (Born 7 ABU)

Skin: Pale

Hairstyle: Down | To Breasts

Hair Color: Black 

Eye Color: Icy Blue

Scars: Faint scar above eyebrow, burn marks starting on left hand trailing up to her elbow. 

positive traits: She’s very dedicated to her work as a Knight of Ren, and when she finds the group she feels the most satisfied with (The Knights of Ren in current times), she will devote herself to them. Unless one of her own were to betray her, she would never do harm to them - unless one of them gets on her nerves. Though, she is not afraid to speak her mind so you will know when you cause her issue. With the small chances, if someone happens to get her attention, you may be able to break her walls and be one of the only people that she thoroughly enjoys being around. Only a few people in her life have seen her affectionate side. 

negative traits: Ever since she was a child, she took some form of pleasure in other people’s misfortunes because she believed that she was damned by the galaxy, this thinking that no one deserved something good unless they pushed to earn it. In her days as a Knight of Ren, she used it to fuel her acts of torture and interrogations. She is known as the best in the entire Order to get information out of prisoners or just to make them suffer for their misdeeds. Orus is the one who deals with anyone that betrays the First Order. 

Likes: Her Light Whip, peace and quiet, sensing fear in others, successfully finishing a mission, flying out to space to “float in the void” in a ship alone. 

Dislikes: People who push her buttons (Which is very easy to do), getting wet, Nar Shadda, excessively optimistic people. 

Motivations/drives: She takes some pleasure in making people suffer, almost as if she believes that they deserve it from the galaxy being hard on her with her 

Character Flaws: She lacks empathy much of the time for people she doesn’t care about and therefore can someones be excessive with how she treats people. 

Combat  Strengths: Control of the whip, lack of empathy

Combat Weaknesses: Tendency to get to extreme with fighting, her bloodlust.

Main Weapon: Light Whip | Red Crystal Broken Into Smaller Pieces To Allow For Whip Effect

Background/History: She keeps much of her background hidden from others as a padawan, never telling anyone where she comes from or the past that she derives from. However, when they joined the First Order as Knights of Ren, she slowly started to open up a bit more about her past. It started with Volgoth’s insistence of her drinking to “loosen up a bit,” to allow herself to relax, which led to her admitting about her past. When she realized that there was no going back, she revealed that she was abandoned as a child and left with the Hutts and gangs of Nar Shaddaa. She surprising survived, and picked up on her violent behaviors from watching the cartel do nasty things. And of course, she had some seriously horrific things done to herself. Those things she refuses to talk about with anyone. 

Volgoth 

Name: Volgoth Garr

Alias: Volgoth Ren

Rank: Knight of Ren

Gender: Male

Birth Planet: Devaron (Grew up on Ord Mantell)

Species: Devaronian

Affiliation: Black Sun (Previously), First Order, Knight of Ren 

Age: 38 (Born 3 BBY)

Skin: Red

Hairstyle: None (Horns) 

Hair Color: N/A

Eye Color: Brown

Scars: Slightly chipped left horn | Scar under right eye | Busted knee with cybernetic implants to fix the injury

positive traits: Volgoth is very open with his surprisingly light-hearted side, at least with the other knights or when he’s out for fun. He brings the much-needed humor to the group through trying to lift their spirits with sarcasm. With most of the others, he is always expressive and platonically affectionate, wrapping his arm around someone’s shoulder for fun as they talk. He’s also daring, some say that he’s stupid but he likes to see himself as a brave soul willing to do anything no matter the cost. 

negative traits: Growing up with a gang, he tends to get overconfident at times. It affects his training when he doesn’t expect whoever he’s sparring with to go so hard on him. Or during a mission, there are a few rare cases where he might come close to compromising it unless even if the others are there to fix things. Overall, he isn’t a bad guy but his need to enjoy things in life occasionally lead to him not taking his duties as seriously as he should. He also was utterly oblivious to the fact that Zira is in love with him before the others said something. 

Likes: Zira (In a relationship with her), Alcohol,  Nar Shaddaa, Snazzy music

Dislikes: When Orus won’t lighten up, being told to tone it down with his actions, being in space/on ships for too long, going more than a day without even a small sip of alcohol. 

Motivations/drives: Being able to enjoy life even if it means doing a few not so ethical things. 

Character Flaws: His arrotance

Combat  Strengths: Ability to run off of pure instinct, daring nature (won’t back down from anything and will attempt crazy things he may think will lead to victory.)

Combat Weaknesses: Balance (Can get clumsy at times), occasional arrogance

Main Weapon: Saber With Elongated Hilt | Red Crystal

Background/History:  Most of his life has consisted of being around the Black Sun thanks to his father having associations with the group. With them, he would run jobs for them even at a young age but also learned how to enjoy himself. They pushed personal pleasure to be one of his drives in life. Volgoth eventually met Dralin and taught him to do things for himself every so often to gain personal pleasure. The two left when Volgoth did something to piss off the Black Sun. They stole a star ship together and were on the run ever since, avoiding any Black Sun. They finally had nothing to worry about when they joined the temple in their teenage years. 

Zira

( Togruta from Star Wars by Maja Felicitas Photo by eosAndy )

Name: Zira Vale 

Alias: Zira Ren

Rank: Knight of Ren

Gender: Female

Birth Planet: Shili

Species: Togruta

Affiliation: First Order, Knights of Ren

Age: 31 (4 ABY)

Skin: Yellow

Hairstyle: None

Hair Color: (Lekku/Montrals) Bluish Grey

Eye Color: Purple

Scars: None

positive traits: Out of all the Knights of Ren, Zira is the most compassionate. She first followed the others when she saw the errors in Luke’s ways as well as hoping to make sure that the others did not fully submit to the dark side as she cared for all of them. She’s an experience and Force healing techniques, therefore serves as the group’s primary healer. She’s almost like the “mom friend” of the group, making sure that they’re all doing alright and occasionally checking in on them. She’ll even go as far as to do it via holo if she’s not close to them. 

negative traits: As she’s a Knight of Ren, she sometimes feels out of place being as compassionate as she is. There are moments that she hesitates doing certain things expected of her but will still comply as she remains loyal to Kylo and the other Knights. Orus questions why she even stays with the Knights of Ren giving her compassionate nature, to which Zira will defend herself. In order to not need to get aggressive, she will use the force to manipulate people into doing what she wants. In this, she surprisingly doesn’t despite when she needs to do it, Because she justifies it by saying that there are just people in the galaxy that need to comply and she’s not afraid to influence them in necessary. 

Likes: Meditation, learning new Force healing techniques, floral-scented bath soaps, the beach, gold jewelry. 

Dislikes: How often the others get injured, being excessive in combat, how Orus treats some prisoners, being told to let everything of her past die

Motivations/drives: She wants to keep balance in the order and show some officers kindness when they can’t find it anywhere else. 

Character Flaws: Of course she is a little too sensitive and compassionate in her line of work but still stays for the tiebreak. 

Combat  Strengths: Healing herself or allies, Control of emotions

Combat Weaknesses: Empathetic Nature

Main Weapon: Two Saber Tonfa | Two Red Crystals

Background/History: She doesn’t remember much about her childhood before Luke found her while she was young. Feeling that she was Force-sensitive, Considering that Ben was Force-sensitive and his sense of duty to pass on the legacy of the Jedi, it was part of the reason why he decided to form the Temple in the first place. Leia would help with her much of the time until he put together the temple, where he eventually brought Zira and Ben; as well as a few other Force-sensitives that he had gathered. 

[ky-the-squiddy]

im curious! what's Cash's level of morally grey-ness? is he a anti-hero or a villain? does that depend on the AU maybe? does he even fit any of these labels??

It MASSIVELY varies…

Short asnwer is:

It very much depends on the AU, but his canon self (the pocket-watch-headed version I draw the most) would probably be True Neutral, verging on Neutral Evil, if we’re talking D&D mechanics and you subscribe to the ‘evil just means putting your own wants/needs above other people’s’ line of thought.

Long answer….

Cash is *extremely* morally grey, no matter the AU. It’s pretty rare for him to ever actually want to hurt other people, but he *is* extremely manipulative at times and certainly not above lying to people to get what he wants.

That said, he is very adamant about the fact that All People Are People, and will always behave respectfully towards others. The only people who lose that respect are those that *don’t* view other people as people (racists, homophobes, bigots of many kinds), in which case he’ll grit his teeth through the conversation and then mentally note to take them down a peg when the opportunity arises.

He is also extremely adamant about always getting consent. Which… can sometimes seem like a bit of a conflicting trait when compared to his manipulative tendencies? But because he usually comes on quite strong, he makes sure that things never proceed past the flirting stage if there’s even a hint of discomfort. He doesn’t see the point in being with another person unless they’re both enjoying themselves.

(Of course, both those positive traits are really… the bare minimum of Being A Decent Person, but it’s surprising how few people in the world actually manage to fulfil both requirements.)

Within his own canon, Cash takes the role of one of the protagonists. Does this mean he’s necessarily a good person? Definitely not. Does he still do stuff that is ultimately for the betterment of the universe? Yes. But less because he cares about the good of the universe, and more in the ‘because I’m one of the idiots that live in it’ sort of way.

In terms of hero/anti-hero/villain/etc. he really doesn’t fit any of those roles. He is a gentleman, and he is an observer, and he is someone who needs to be pushed into action with a fucking sledgehammer. The closest sort of label you’d be able to stick on him would be ‘guide’.

Of course, this is all just talking about his canon self.

And it isn’t talking about the fact that, no matter the universe, he did straight up murder his father, as well as indirectly cause the death of his older brother.

All of these things– the manipulation, the respect, the murder, the consent rule– are true regardless of which incarnation of him we’re talking about. But with the different universes and the different experiences he’s lived, different aspects of each carry more or less weight to them

Two of the most downright terrible versions of him are the Villain AU, and the Garbage Fire AU (I’d say we tried to come up with a better name for it, but we didn’t, and honest it suits the absolute tire fire of pain that AU is).

In the Villain AU, Cash isn’t human. He’s a version of the pocket-watch-head that has found a glamour of sorts that allows him to blend in with whatever population he places himself in. This is an AU where manipulation and murder take the front seats. He gather knowledge, then wealth, then power, and eventually situates himself as ruler of the world, able to get there thanks to being functionally immortal and through having knowledge and technology from other worlds. Disaster always happens eventually, whether natural or revolutionary, and when it comes, Cash just… steps out of that dimension/world, and finds another, and repeats the process. He treats the domination of planets like a game, and it’s not unusual for him to manipulate a mortal into caring for him/relying on him and then bringing them along for the ride. That’s not to say he doesn’t care for them in return, but he certainly never forgets their mortality.

In the Garbage Fire AU, Cash starts as human. As is usual for most of his human incarnations, he was born into a rich family, neglected by his father in favour of his younger brother, and wound up completely, horrendously alone by the time he was 19. Cool backstory, still an asshole. This is an AU where manipulation is front and center, and consent gets a bit dicey. He meets and seduces Vincent (@oswald-privileges’ OC), and Vincent introduces him to the wonders and horrors of the go-between, a quasi-magical realm of fantasy worlds all smushed together. Drama happens, a *lot* of drama, and Cash finds a way to steal and capture Vincent’s name, which basically hands him all control over what Vincent can say, think, do, feel, and be. This is a Cash that has sold bits of himself off in order to survive in an unknown and hostile world, and has discovered that he likes it better this way. He likes having someone he can pretend to love, and he can convince to love him back. This is a Cash more willing to kill Vincent than he is willing to give him up to anyone or anything else.

...But then you have the better universes.

Like the Poly AU, where he winds up with two boyfriends that he grows to love so very, very much. He loves them enough to let them convince him to adopt a kid, when he’s spent his whole life knowing he’ll never have children, and he’d never want to anyway for fear of turning out like his father. But he doesn’t, and he learns how to enjoy the small, soft moments of his life, and that it’s okay to be scared.

Or in a version of his canon where he finds another wandering immortal, who becomes his best friend, who becomes his reason to stop isolating himself so much. Where he gets so scared of the possibility of her creating and abandoning and repeating the mistakes of his father that he’s willing to destroy himself to convince her otherwise because he doesn’t want more hurt and lonely and lost people in the universe.

Or in the She-Ra AU (no, he’s not She-Ra, he’s a side character that wound up accidentally hogging the spotlight) where’s he’s still barely more than a kid, and he still lives in constant fear of his (still alive) father, and he’s doing his best to take care of the people he cares for and maybe, hopefully, find a way to find his own freedom so he can figure out who he really is.

He’s not a good person, he’s never a good person, but it’s rare for him to be entirely bad, either. He’s too selfish to be good, and too willing to devote himself to another to be entirely evil.

He’s just... a person. Trying to find his purpose in life, and often picking the wrong things.

........also I’ve made my QPP cry over him like... 3 times? so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[bright-witch]

for that oc meme, i don't have anything written up for my inq, so maybe how either of them feels about mana or beren if you remember what i wrote? :O

Thank you so much for sending this !! 💗💗💗🌈💐 There are so many things I’ve wanted to send to you and say to you (my buddy, you are amazing!! I hope you are feeling well!), and I have so many things I’ve been thinking about drawing for you, sdgjsldjgksdjg. I am so sorry this response is massive! I just really love your ocs, especially Mana and Beren, I thought a lot about this c:

Alæru would be fascinated by Mana, and likely deeply enjoy exploring their kingdom *-* Alæru is aware of many gods/immortals, she would probably immediately respect Mana on a similar level to her homeworld’s dieties. This would make Alæru act formal and a bit over-polite while interacting with Mana, at least for a while. Heheh. If Mana were nice to her, she would probably be a bit star-struck and obvious about it. Alæru would also ask as many questions as possible, perhaps… too many. She would be all too happy listening to Mana’s stories for days ( and Alæru is definitely a food snob, so the fine dining would be a major motivation… she loves free food, but is picky about it. She’s awful ;-; ). Alæru is an excellent listener because she is usually truly interested in other people’s thoughts. Sometimes she will laugh or ask short questions, but that is mainly to let the other person know she is genuinely engaged. If Alæru notices it bothers someone, she’ll stop interrupting quickly. 

Alæru would be happy to give any information or story of her own “worthy” of being told… but she would totally be shy/anxious about what to share?? Her mother is a star-creating goddess & life deity; her world is usually what Alæru enjoys discussing. Alæru only lived in the Garden Realm for a short time, but it was everything she admires in a place. Very colorful, everything glows, and has a fantastic aesthetic, but 99% natural - only a few open-air structures, with plenty of sunlight let in, water and plants throughout, exist on the entire small planet. Unfortunately, the vast majority of Alæru’s memories/stories are intense in a bad way. She doesn’t want to traumatize anyone else with them, though they are extremely interesting and hold valuable bits of information about what can happen to gods/the universe when corruption occurs. Alæru’s father is an immortal demon-like entity who ate the soul of a corrupt god (so he became a corrupt god too. dumbass) - that side of the family is something she is deeply ashamed of. Alæru is secretly perpetually worried she will become corrupt too, and doesn’t really understand why she isn’t already. Alæru would be a bit nervous around Mana/their power, and wonder what they could glean about her past, just by being near them. Alæru is not afraid to share her stories, but she is afraid of the reaction? Alæru definitely prefers to hear about other’s stories, adventures, and culture, and keep the focus on them.

Alæru certainly wouldn’t blame Mana for wanting to go “out on business” to enjoy more adventures, heheh. She would likely do the same thing if she ever had that level of consistent responsibility. She would totally love how honest Mana is about their feelings towards people (Alæru is the same way, blunt but certainly never rude unless the person is a huge prick!! and deserves it!! ) Alæru would deeply admire Mana for caring about the wellfare of their people and wish more leaders could be like them. It would also inspire Alæru to want to be more like Mana in that particular aspect, if not others. Alæru would probably end up shadowing them whenever allowed, or visit Mana’s kingdom whenever possible. (Alæru gets very attached to parental or teacher-like figures when they are kind and compassionate. She has not encountered many good people with power like Mana.) A beautiful utopia with happy people and delicious food would be a welcome relief from many of Alæru’s journeys, which involve strenuous space travel to corrupt planets. YIKES. She would have a difficult time leaving! (Mana, you’re gonna have to kick her out, sorry.)

Llyr, who would only be in Mana’s kingdom if Alæru was there as well (Llyr only travels because of Alæru. He’s terrified she’s going to get herself killed), would be respectful but wary of Mana. Llyr is a true demigod but doesn’t trust any of the gods (his mother is a water demon of sorts, but not a true demon like Alæru’s lineage. his father-figure is the water deity, who is genderfluid/a shapeshifter). Likely, he would lump Mana in the same category as his own homeworld’s deities, and want to find Mana’s flaws in order to feel safer. Llyr is a little bit of a dumbass sometimes, even though he’s educated and his heart is generally in the right place. 

I’m not sure if Llyr would be able to let his guard down in Mana’s kingdom, but with how lovely it sounds, he actually might?? The high-quality food is definitely the best way to win him over, especially if you don’t make him eat a vegetarian/vegan meal.  Llyr would probably be very intimidated by Mana and be a little jealous of how amazing and near-perfect they are, tbh. Heheh. He would also be jealous because Alæru would be in awe of Mana, and give them an immense amount of starry-eyed attention. However, if Mana was kind to Alæru, that would totally earn points with Llyr and confuse him, because he would like Mana more inherently for respecting Alæru?? Yeahhhh~ Llyr loves attention and would be more than happy to share his personal adventures with Mana. He knows a lot of water magic and spells completely unique to the lineage of the water deity, and is aware of secrets the moon tells within the tides during various phases / cycles.

For Beren!! Alæru would be unbearably curious about Beren’s real name, ohmygod. She might make up different names for Beren every time she met her, just to see if Beren would blurt out her real name out of frustration (DEMONS, UHG. Alæru is a little shit sometimes.) Alæru would totally enjoy how and why Beren chose that particular name though, and like Beren more for it?? If that makes sense?? Heheh. Alæru enjoys good stories, even if they are lies, and if Beren attempted to manipulate Alæru, it probably wouldn’t bother her that much. Alæru has respect for clever survival tactics and people who think on their feet. Alæru would enjoy studying Beren’s way of going about things, and probably end up playing conversational games with her. It would be hilarious to watch Beren and Alæru sit in the same room together for an extended period of time?? Alæru is extremely honest and rarely lies, but she would likely wear a more world-appropriate form so she didn’t stand out (I mean – glowing, colorful, horns, teeth, wings poppin’ out sometimes, a tail, changing forms whenever she’s in a new environment… yeah… she can look really alien to people!!) Alæru would wonder how long it took Beren to catch her in one of her real forms (I’m guessing, probably not long.) 

Alæru might frustrate Beren because things rarely surprise her. Alæru lived with demons and corrupt gods, it’s difficult to scare her or catch her off guard (unless you have a spider!) I think she would be a good friend for Beren, even though it would be frustrating at first/perhaps not possible because Beren is so guarded? Alæru loves thinking critically and attempts to tame her chaotic nature at all times, and tries to direct her energy towards productive things (whether it be purifying corrupt matter, or growing plants~ She often fights life and death battles for her friends, and will fight for people she barely knows. She will die for animals and plants, and even though she is critical of humanoids, she will die for most of them too, heheh. Definitely a huge martyr complex). She might eventually become like a big sister to Beren, and try to help her find purpose once she is done mentoring Wolf, if Beren ever eventually let someone else in emotionally other than Bakal. Alæru would definitely admire Beren’s fighting skills and ability to fillet a bitch.

Llyr wouldn’t even know what the hell to do with Beren. He would be calm around her, but very snarky if he ever managed to catch her in a lie or attempted manipulative tactic. Llyr would notice some similar qualities between Beren and his twin Nyx, who he eventually learns cannot be trusted. Llyr would most likely quietly observe Beren and spend most of that time trying to figure her out. He would also be very extra protective of Alæru around Beren out of instinct. Because Llyr is a shapeshifter, he could easily blend into whatever world Beren exists within, without limit. He would be perpetually worried about Beren figuring out his, or even worse Alæru’s, true forms. He doesn’t trust how people from other planets will react to aliens/monsters :(

Send me an OC and I will tell you how my OC feels about them.

[betterfor4-blog]

My Pursuit of Happiness Manifesto

--- In a nutshell (to take the time to read or not): This post gives context to my life, why I have started this blog, the clear goals I have set for my family and how I am going to manage it. ----

Dear Universe and the Human Race,

The Context of My Life

Thank you for my life.  Through nothing else but chance and luck I find myself truly blessed (in a completely non-religious way).  Even if I didn’t intend, plan or pursue it, I find myself in my late 30s with a beautiful old-fashioned, very-not-cool nuclear family.  We could be the poster family for hetero-normative, white, 2 young kids and a dog in an average brick house.  Please don’t for a second though think that I believe or promote this as the only way as being.  This is the context for my life, however, I am open-minded and supportive of all the different kinds of ways that family and love exists in this world. 

I acknowledge that I live on this planet in a way many cannot or will never get the opportunity to.  I acknowledge that the way I live is because of the toil of many who will never have my privilege.

Completely off life-plan I married my first love who I met when I was a teenager.  He is intelligent, gorgeous, compassionate, funny, loyal and simply a good person (if not sometimes a little too ‘linear/pragmatic/black and white in his thinking).  We both had opportunities to become well educated and ambition to form our own independent careers.  We both trained and work in the Sciences; I am an educator.  We lived exciting lives with lots of travel and friends and then 3 years ago we welcomed our first lovely daughter into this world (Miss C1).  Late last year our family was completed by our second lovely daughter (Miss C2).

The Reason For This Blog And What I Want In This Life

I am genuinely happy, 8/10, like Scandinavian happy (those guys have it all worked out).  I know who I am and I am very clear in my mind about my goals, values and ambitions for myself and my family.   I have prefaced and contextualized my life in this post however, as my problems are slight, though they still exist an I am in pursuit of  happiness (9 and 10 numbers).

I want to live meaningfully in this life and raise my girls consciously and with clear intent.  I want our family activities, daily life and conversations to be ‘rich’ in the holistic manner of the word rather than the dollars and cents version.  I want for a lot and have some clear goals/thoughts:

1. MINIMALISM - I want to live better with less...

-  I want to spend less on the stuff we don’t need.  

- I don’t want to waste things (especially food and other such resources). 

-  I want every item in our home to bring joy, be useful and used frequently. 

- I wish to invest in family experiences more than things.

- I don’t want to get caught up in the fast fashion cycle, buying my girls $2 t-shirts that last 3 washes and are thrown away at the cost of both environment and people.  

- I want high quality goods that are fixed or re-purposed rather than just thrown away.

- I want to our modest block of land to be productive for 

- I don’t want to spend my life cleaning or battling with storing stuff making our home and lives less enjoyable.

- I want a clean and organised house that I don’t have to feel burdened by maintaining but I am not ashamed by unexpected guests.

2. Experiential Based Family Life - I want our daily lives to be rich in conversation and experiences.

- Less Screen time or maybe more meaningful screen time for everybody.

- More games and playing.

- More travel and family experiences more frequently.

- More nature in our daily lives.  More getting outside.

- Ensure my girls get the best education possible by exposing them to opportunities and educational experiences.  Peppa Pig is not nearly educational enough (read severe sarcasm).

3. HEALTH - A Healthier Family

For us health comes in 3 pillars: sleep, food and exercise.  To be honest all are crumbling a little at the moment...

- I am overweight and have been my entire adult life and I want to rectify that for the most important reason in the world; it gives me the best chance to be with my family for the longest amount of time.  I’ll blog about this later.

- I want my family to eat well and diversely.  I want my girls to have a good relationship with food where no food is forbidden.  I need to create strategies and structures to allow and develop this.

- We need to be working towards 8 hours of sleep a night, the girls need more.  

- We need strategies in our lives than ensures that Mum and Dad are getting at least 10,000 steps a day and some cardio (I would love to know how far Miss C1 goes in a Day).

4. IMPROVE MY IDENTITY CAPITAL - be the best Mum I can be.

I think for the first time in my life I am ready to live by the wisdom of ‘taking care of yourself before others’ (the old apply your oxygen mask in a plane emergency before helping others).  I am tapped out, my cup is dry... whatever you want to call it.  

Basically, I am a stay at home Mum with 2 girls under 3 and I am TIRED.  Not just sleep deprived but emotionally exhausted.  I feel like junk and everywhere I look I see work to be done.  Worst thing yet, I just returned from a holiday super relaxed.  Which was good, because it reinforced to me that I am more than run down, I am depleted.

I want more ‘arrows  in my quiver’.  In short, as my husband would put it I need more diverse identity capital.  I need to my life to be filled with hobbies and activities and people to recover some of my energy and zest for life.  Yet at the same time I feel the Social Media Direct Messenger culture of 21st Century melts my mind a little. 

Previously, my job consumed me and that is the way I liked it.  I have chosen however to sacrifice my career in order to give my girls the best chance (see goal 2-5).  Staying at home was not an emotionally easy choice, but an easy logical one.  I am an educator.  This is what I do.  The idea of returning to work (when I didn’t have to) and allowing someone else to raise and educate my girls at this early stage seemed like insanity.  I am also lucky that the system I work for holds my job for me for about 6 years.   But back to the point, it left a career sized hole in my life that of late has been harder to fill. 

My mind is a fog of fruit pouches, nappies and nursery rhymes.  Yet, I know that this time of my life will pass faster than I will in retrospect have liked it to.  Before it does though I need to write in full sentences on a regular basis.  I need to stretch my mind.  I need to model to my girls how you can work towards a work-life balance.

Vainly, I am also in desperate need of a Mum makeover.  I need some Mum style before my girls start school.  B.C. (before children) I had work clothes and a few casual pieces.  2 pregnancies and no work later I am adrift in my new life, at least style wise, and it has left me feeling fairly invisible.

5. WEALTH - I want us all to be grateful for what we have and show that.

This one really doesn’t need dot points.  My family are privileged and that is not a crime, but to become entitled or not appreciate our good fortune, well that is.  I want us to not waste and give back where we can as often as we can. 

As for our actual finances.  I figure if we live more mindfully with less we will spend less.  The money we save will be able to fund our experiences and travel.  It is the old “take care of the cents and the dollars will take care of themselves” approach.   I will be exploring this later though.

Summary

So on rereading this, two things I note.

- I sound far more ‘hippy-dippy’ than I feel I am, but the list is accurate.  I wonder if this resonates with other 21st Century slightly left-leaning Mum’s out there?  Where is my tribe?

- I am WAY daunted by this list.  To set an appropriate mental image I am sitting at my dining room table eating a carrot as the baby bashes her drink bottle on her highchair pulverizing crackers into dust (now on the floor) and the toddler is talking to me asking constant ‘why’ questions.  The latest question was “why do doctors say you can’t jump on the bed?” referring to the song ‘5 little Monkies’.  Both of these things are an improvement from 30 minutes ago where they were both competing to press any buttons they could on my laptop.

How Will I Achieve This?

Don’t know in short.  But I know this... I cancelled my gym membership recently because getting there with the two girls was near impossible and ridiculously expensive once I paid for the creche for the both of them.  I felt like I had lost something too.  Like the cards were proverbially stacked against me and my fitness goals as a stay at home Mum (CHAINED TO THE HOUSE I TELL YOU).  On the way home though I questioned why I honestly needed the gym, more specifically an instructor telling me to ‘sashay’.  I decided on two reasons.  The first, the group environment means I won’t quit as I would never give in when being observed by others.  The second, because the instructor had the knowledge.   

It occurred to me on that trip home that I could replace those classes with YouTube and a blog.  A blog to keep me honest and check in (even if no one reads it) and YouTube for the knowledge.  The internet is a global community of ‘DIY knowledge’ and all I had to do was harness it.

So that is the strategy for this blog.  I am going to use the power of the internet to learn, share and record my improvements.  

How Will I Measure Progress And What Is The Timeline?

I am going to have to research that on the internet (LOL).  I think I am going to need different tools for different aspects of my life.

I am going to start by posting Mon, Wed, Fri and tackling a different aspect each time:

Monday - Health

Wednesday - Minimalism

Friday - Experiences

I am writing this to no one in particular and everyone in order to keep myself honest and on track in the way I am going to change our lives. 

The purpose of this blog and particularly long post... I’ve got to be better for the four of us.  I have to live my best life to honor this extraordinary life I have been gifted.

[this-sapphic-paradise]

The New Recruit - Chapter 4

(x)

I was inspired by the promo photos of episode 3x17, so have an AU where Lena is recruited by the DEO and has to train under Alex. Slow-burn AgentCorp.

A big thank you to my girl @lena-lipbite-luthor for being my beta.

( AO3 link/ please consider buying me a coffee ^^ )

The dry sound of punches being delivered to a punching bag caught Alex's attention as she walked past the DEO's gym on her way out of the building after a long day at work. 

Leaning against the door frame and crossing her arms, Alex stood there for a moment observing Lena's form as the recruit kept on punishing the bag. "Wanna tell me what the bag did to deserve the Luthor wrath?" She asked teasingly. 

Lena had been so lost in her own thoughts she hadn't heard anyone approaching. However, the voice was familiar, and its teasing tone immediately brought a smile to Lena's face. "It was staring at me funny," she replied without looking back at Alex. 

The agent walked further into the room and began circling Lena, watching her more closely as she delivered blow after blow. "Why are you here so late?" Alex asked curiously. 

Lena glanced at her from the corner of her eyes but continued to train. "Are you asking me as my friend or as my C.O.?" 

"Would your answer change?" 

The question gave Lena pause. "Yes," she said after a beat.  

Alex stepped behind the punching bag and held it firmly to help Lena. She thought about the answer she was given, and after a moment, Alex said, "Answer it as my recruit first." 

Clenching her jaw, Lena delivered a powerful punch to the bag. "I want to train more... I want to be better." 

Alex narrowed her eyes knowing there was more to it than Lena was letting on, but for the time being, she decided not to mention anything about it. "When it comes to stance and form, you're the best recruit we have. Not to mention how physically stronger you are now," Alex said instead. 

For a moment, Lena's chest swelled with pride at the praise, but then it hit her, "Wait... only when it comes to stance and form? What about actual fighting?" She asked feeling slightly vexed. 

"Uh..." Alex mentally chastised herself; I should have known she would pick up on that... "Look," she said letting go of the bag to stand beside it. "You nail tactical training and every other aspect of being a DEO agent. You're by far the smartest person in this organization. So it's no surprise you're able to navigate those fields without a problem, but--" Alex sighed, and gave Lena a sympathetic smile, "But I think some part of you still has trouble letting go when it comes to hand-to-hand combat." 

"Is that a bad thing?" Lena asked with a frown, her ego getting slightly bruised. 

Tilting her head to the side, Alex sighed softly, "Lena..." She took a deep breath, and crossed her arms, "Why don't you tell me why you're really here? This time I'm asking as a friend." 

Lena was struggling to put her thoughts together, Alex could see it by the way she immediately resumed punching the bag. Sighing, Alex walked to the opposite side of the room where their training equipment was stored, and grabbed two strike pads. 

Watching as Alex walked back toward her putting the pads on, Lena asked, "What are you doing?" 

"Well," Alex started, clapping the pads together loudly, making the noise echo in the concrete room. "It's clear that you're having trouble voicing whatever it is you're feeling – I get that." Alex motioned for Lena to meet her in the center of the room, and she got into a fighting stance. "I understand only managing to express those feelings physically, so--" she smirked, "let's see what you've got." 

Lena raised one of her perfect eyebrows, "Didn't you just say I don't let myself go during hand-to-hand training?" 

Without warning, Alex stretched her arm out and booped Lena's forehead with the tip of one of the pads, "That's why I'm not wearing boxing gloves, Luthor. Come on, let's practice some drills; it’ll allow your mind to process what you’re feeling while keeping your body occupied." 

Lena looked offended at having her forehead poked like that, but in reality, she was thoroughly amused; no one was ever playful like that with her which made Lena even more appreciative of Alex Danvers. “Fine,” she said, playfully glaring at Alex; she had never tried working on her feelings through physical exercise before, but Lena thought it was worth the shot, so getting into her fighting stance, she waited for Alex’s instructions. 

"Light on your feet," Alex said, completely ignoring the death glare she was receiving. "Jab, hook, step out, jab, hook, step out. Got it?" With the first sequence of moves given to her, Lena did as she was told and they started their dance. 

The normalcy of training with Alex helped Lena get into the rhythm of it; Alex dictated a new sequence, Lena followed – switch and repeat. Before Lena knew what was going on her entire being was focused on following the instructions given to her, freeing her mind to subconsciously work on sorting out her feelings. 

After what felt like a long time to both women, Alex announced a new sequence and asked, "Are you angry?" 

With her body focused on carrying out the instructions, Lena replied without a second thought, "Yes." 

Alex was pleasantly surprised her plan had actually worked, but she wasn’t going to let that show; instead, she kept pushing Lena with harder combos before asking, "Who are you angry with?" 

"Kara," Lena replied almost immediately, landing a powerful hook. "Myself." Another punch.  "My family." 

"Why are you mad at Kara?" Alex pressed on without wasting any time.

"Because she lied to me for so long...” Lena said, letting her arms fall to her sides. “A-And I know I shouldn't be upset, I don't want to be, I don't have the right to be, but--" 

"It still hurts. I know." Alex finished Lena’s sentence to the younger woman’s surprise.

Taking a deep breath, Alex exhaled slowly and let her hands drop before speaking up again, "I had to lie to Kara for years... I know what's like to cause that kind of sadness... You have every right to be upset. You can't control your feelings, Lena, and it's okay if you need time to process everything." 

Lena took off her gloves and unceremoniously sat on the floor. "There's a little voice in the back of my head insisting that if I weren't a Luthor, she would have told me sooner..." 

"Maybe," Alex conceded, sitting next to her. Noticing how Lena’s eyes were welling up with tears, Alex gave her a warm, sympathetic smile and continued, "But I know for a fact that it's because you're a Luthor that Kara loves and admires you so much." 

Lena seemed shocked by the statement. "You really don't see it, do you?" Alex asked softly, and when Lena shook her head, Alex explained, "You and Kara are very similar; both of you come from families that were basically considered royalty, both are powerful enough to rule this planet, and yet both choose to be a force for good. She admires you, Lena; you give her strength to keep carrying on because she sees you doing it every day." 

At that point, Lena couldn't contain her tears any longer. "B-But my family... they are evil... what if she thinks there's evil in me too?" Lena was aware she sounded almost childish, but that fear was so deeply ingrained in her mind, she couldn’t have voiced it in any other way.

"There's evil in all of us,” Alex replied vehemently. “I've done things I'll never atone for..." she sighed heavily, making Lena wonder what exactly Alex had done to weigh so heavily on her conscience. "But talk to Kara, ask her about her family,” Alex continued, “In time you'll see that this fear of turning into a bad version of yourselves is just one more thing you two have in common." 

Lena did her best to dry her tears and said trying to make light of the situation, "You know that's not a good thing to have in common with anyone, right?" 

Alex saw right through Lena's attempt. She understood better than most people how uncomfortable it could be to delve into one's own feelings, and she had no intention to push Lena any further than she was willing to go. So Alex playfully rolled her eyes at Lena and bumped her shoulder against hers, saying, "You and Kara are going to be okay, but don't beat yourself up for not 'getting over it' as fast as you think you should. Just--" Alex took a deep breath, and sighed the words, "let yourself heal at your own pace." 

Lena was coming to realize that a lot went unsaid between Alex and her; it seemed the two had a mutual understanding of one another that allowed them to navigate through potentially awkward and tough moments like this with a certain ease. Lena knew Alex understood she didn’t want to talk about her feelings anymore, but Lena also understood that Alex wanted her to know she was there for her, and that really moved Lena – not that she would say that out loud any time soon, mind you. So with her tears dried, Lena smirked at Alex and said playfully, "Who knew you had a soft side, Agent Danvers." 

Understanding the moment was over, Alex fired back, "If you tell anyone, I'll have to kick your ass in front of the squad."

"That's pretty big talk, but you won't be able to defeat me..." Raising her eyebrow, Lena said with the cheesiest smile, "Not when I have these guns!!!!" And she flexed her arms, showing off her now well-defined muscles. "Hm!?! Look at them!!! The deadliest Luthor guns ever created!!!" 

Alex didn't know what she had been expecting Lena to say, but it certainly wasn't that! "Oh my god, shut uuuuuup!!!!!" Alex exclaimed without being able to contain her laughter. "You giant nerd!!!" 

"You're just jealous, Danvers." Lena scoffed playfully. "Now that I have brains and brawn, I'm unstoppable!" 

Alex got on her knees and pressed Lena's cheeks together with her strike pads, "Shuuuuuuush!!!" 

"It's okay, Alex," Lena managed to say through her squished cheeks, "I promise to use my powers for good! Won't even try to seduce you or anything." 

"Now look who's talking big!!" Alex snorted, letting go of Lena so she could stand up. 

Getting up as well, Lena continued teasing Alex, "There’s no need to lie, Alex, I know it's hard to resist the Luthor charm..." 

"You're making it pretty easy right now," Alex said, rolling her eyes, making Lena laugh. 

Once her laughter died down, Lena bit her lip and ducked her head for a moment before saying earnestly, "Thank you for taking the time and talking to me, Alex. It-It means a lot..." 

Alex smiled softly at Lena and nodded, "Anytime."

[lorentzenlorentzen7-blog]

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[mystic-messenger-scenarios]

Could I request the RFA+V&Saeran reacting to having a very quiet/reserved/shy significant other?

Didn’t proof read so there will be some mistakes sorry but i’ll fix it tomorrow // alsoooo i’m playing collar x malice and ohhh i’ve only finished one route but ohhh it’s pretty good and the art is really pretty and the voice acting is great and yee it’s good so far heh (ofc i went with the dorky hotheaded hopeless romantic idiot bc heh that’s probably my type tbh ahhh enomoto was so cute hehe :3 )

Yoosung :

he likes it because he can be pretty awkward around girls but he always has a lot of things to say so he doesn’t mind that his s/o is quiet, he even finds his s/o’s shyness endearing when they blush but he’ll still try to help them and make sure they don’t end up too reserved, to a point where they’d be shutting themselves out from the world - then he’d do everything he can to make them go  outside and see people

he’d always go with them though, especially if they didn’t like being alone in crowds or outside, he’d always hold their hand and take this as an opportunity to get in touch with the real world; Yoosung used to shut himself from reality and take refuge in the virtual world of video games so he knows how easy it can be to become too reserved to communicate with the people around you

if his s/o liked video games, they’d play together online so they can make some friends on there, just like he did; because it can be easier to let go of your shyness when you’re talking to people online rather than face to face

Zen :

regardless of his s/o’s personality, he’d think they are the cutest thing ever but if they were embarrassed at his compliments then he’d find them even more adorable

he’s not shy or quiet or reserved at all, if anything he’s the opposite of that, but he’s always careful to not make them uncomfortable with how different his personality and behavior are; and as much as he wants to show his s/o off because they’re the most amazing human being on this planet to him, he’d refrain from doing it if it madethem uncomfortable

he’d be worried of how his career would affect them though, he’d constantly worry that his lifestyle might put too much pressure on them and he’d always make sure to 

talk to them about anything that might bother them; he’s good with words and he knows how to coax his s/o out of their shell so even if they’re reserved, he’ll still

try his best to know what’s on their mind

gets super protective of them too, especially since they tend to not say anything when something or someone hurts them, they’re too shy to stand up to themselves and Zen

will make sure to always stand up for them and protect them from any harmful words or rumors

Jaehee :

she’s not very outgoing but it’s not necessarily out of shyness, she actually likes talking to people once she opens up her own coffee shop, she wants to make people happy; she knows what it’s like to be alone without anyone to talk to and she doesn’t want other people to feel like that. That being said, she would feel the same way towards her s/o if they were quiet and shy, she’d understand it might be hard for them to make friends or have people noticing them and would do her best to help them.

she’d always respect their silence though, she wouldn’t pry and when she goes too far while trying to coax her s/o out of her shell, she immediately apologizes and leaves them with some time by themselves.

Jaehee enjoys the quiet moments they spend together though, before she used to dread them a bit because they made her feel the weight of her loneliness but now, just sitting next to each other, both doing their own things in silence; it’s comfortable to her because she knows it’s a sign of trust if her s/o allows her to be by their side when they are relaxing by themselves, away from other people - Jaehee knows she’s not like other people to her s/o and that alone makes her happy.

Jumin :

he’s used to dealing with people who are reserved since he’s been V’s friend for so long that he’s able to read someone’s feelings and thoughts, even when they’re well hidden so he doesn’t mind that his s/o’s like that, he feels uncomfortable around people who are loud and who talk too much; he thinks there’s great wisdom in someone who doesn’t waste their time talking about things that don’t matter

the fact that his s/o is shy and quiet but still allows him to be so close to them is something he’s very proud of and he never takes that for granted, he knows it’s not easy for them sometimes but to know they still want him by their side means a lot to him and he never forgets to thank them for giving him a place in their life

he’s very protective though, he’s always surrounded by journalists, paparazzis, important business contacts and he knows his s/o will have to deal with those people if they are together; that always worries him and he goes to great lengths to make things easier for them and he tries to keep them safe from these crowds of people

he thinks their shyness is really cute though and sometimes he can’t help himself but to tease them and enjoy their flustered reactions

707 :

they’d be the opposite of him so of course he’d always have to tease them, he thinks it’s too entertaining and funny to see their reactions; their personality tends to make his sadistic side appear very often but if the teasing made them uncomfortable, he’d tone it down but it’d still be there

if they’re his s/o then it means they weren’t put off by his weird and eccentric behavior, and it’s also very likely that it’s actually what drew them to him; they’d probably find themselves comfortable with his personality because it completed what their own personality lacked, an opposites attract kind of thing

as someone who’s used to keeping a lot of things to himself, he’d respect that his s/o is reserved and keeps their thoughts to themselves but he’d still be able to realize when the things they keep hidden are taking a toll on them, he’s observant and he knows, from being in their shoes, what to do and what to say to persuade them to let it all out

V :

he’s fairly quiet and reserved too so he wouldn’t have any problems with it, but he tends to worry too much so he’d often ask and make sure his s/o was okay and that their silence wasn’t concealing unhappiness; other than that he’s fine with letting them have their own personal space, he knows it’s important to have some time with yourself and your own thoughts

that being said, he’s someone who thinks a lot and reflects on life very often and if his s/o was the same, he’d be happy to exchange thoughts and he’d be intrigued to hear how they view the world, those conversations would be very dear to him and they’d feel special, as it would take someone he trusts completely to be able to let them see what’s  on his mind

he wouldn’t mind that they’re shy either, he’d make sure they see him and the RFA as a family and people they can rely on, he would be worried that his s/o’s shyness was making their life too hard sometimes and if they agreed to it, he’d encourage them to find a hobby in any form of art, as he thought it would be a good way to express themselves without necessarily having to talk to people

Saeran :

he understands them and he sees his younger self in them too, which makes him very protective of his s/o; he knows how cruel the world can be to people who appear as weak because of their looks or personality and he would do his best to protect them from anyone and anything that could hurt them

he’d be as gentle as possible with them though, he’d be worried about hurting them in any way and it would take some time and some effort from both parties for him to not be as afraid of being with them

he’d be happy that someone understands him on that aspect though, that it takes a while to warm up to someone and trust them and that being quiet doesn’t mean you’re boring or uninteresting; he’d feel like he can be himself without fearing being misunderstood or feeling like he has to compete with someone else and having to be someone he’s not

[theseadagiodays]

April 20, 2020

No more muzzling my words

OK, so I’m just going to say it.  There are times when this really stinks.  And it actually feels good to give myself permission to admit that.  

One of my favorite novelists, Anne Patchett, author of Bel Canto, also wrote a memoir called Truth & Beauty about her lifelong best friendship with someone who struggled with cancer since childhood.  What I remember most is her friend’s very unusual way of enduring horrific hardships that included having her jaw surgically removed, (no less in the middle of self-conscious adolescence).  To feel better about her own situation, she would regularly re-read The Diary of Anne Frank in a sort of schadenfreude effort to remember that there were people who’d had it far worse than herself.    However, these contrived gestures only took her so far.

I guess the truth is, there is only so much glass-half-full thinking any of us can exercise.  Realizing this, I was relieved to hear Brene Brown’s recent podcast about Comparitive Suffering,

https://brenebrown.com/podcast/brene-on-comparative-suffering-the-50-50-myth-and-settling-the-ball/  

Here, she recognizes that while the daily news barrages us with crises much greater than our own (lost jobs, health, and even loved ones), many of us feel guilty for bemoaning our own losses at this time, because we think we should be grateful for what we have.  Certainly, this universal suffering has allowed us to gain some clearer perspective on our lives and our blessings.  And the fact that the entire world is experiencing some similar aspects of this reality has enabled us to build real global empathy.  However, it is also true that each micro-loss deserves its own relative mouring period.  So, I am going to give myself a little license to acknowledge what I am grieving at this time.  But I wanted to find a creative way to do this.  So, I am going to write a love letter to the time before COVID, identifying the things I truly miss. This idea came out of an exercise we led with my non-profit’s Women Rock group.  They are co-writing songs to express the myriad of feelings they are having during this period. In one song, they plan to write about the solace that nature brings them right now.  But they also want a vehicle to communicate their challenges.  In other words, they want somewhere to “deposit the negative,” because this can actually be very healing: to name what’s wrong, genuinely feel the impact of it in your life, and then let it go.  The etymological root of the word de-posit means to put (poner), away (-de).   Ironically, this is similar to the origin of the word positive, which is to formally lay down (or to state absolutely).   So, perhaps by absoluting stating what we feel bad about, we leave room to feel good about what’s left.

But in case this is just a little too sad for some people to read, try imagining the theme song to Jimmy Fallon’s regular Thank You Notes segment, for a bit of comic relief while you read.  Here he is in his At-Home Edition, writing some with his daughters:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f6x2UgPVYJs

Vancouver Mural Festival on Main St 

Dear pre-COVID days,

I remember how good it felt to walk down Main St and hug everyone from my neighbor, to my colleague, to the barista.  You were so open in the way you invited human touch on a daily basis.

I was so grateful that you allowed me the opportunity to interact with people from all different walks of life.  You let me work in so many different environments, from elementary schools, to prisons, to seniors centres, where I was privileged to hear people’s stories as they found their own creative voices.  

I loved being free to spend time with my family even though they live far away. You made it possible to see my parents in Arizona, and my brother in NY, and my uncle in Colorado, and my in-laws in Ontario, every year, despite the distance.

I enjoyed all of the opportunities you gave me to experience live art.  You animated my world and made it technicolor, with concerts, dance clubs, galleries, theatre performances, and different arts festivals every week.

I loved how healthy I felt running around the tennis courts at Queen Elizabeth Park.  You made it so easy to exercise my lungs, my legs, my arms, my focus, my flexibility and my stamina all at the same time.  

I felt so much passion for the adventures that you brought me to.  You generously satisfied my infinite curiosities with music projects in Zambia, and holidays in Hawaii, and cultural immersions in Guatemala.  

I miss all of the the ways you let me love and live and work and play freely.  And I long for the day you return,

Laura

April 21, 2020

Neighborhood Art

There are so many signs that we are all missing connection and stimulation during quarantine. But the human spirit is extremely buoyant.  So, we’ve found remarkable ways to share artistic moments through the walls of COVID.  

In Rome, locals are projecting classic films against their apartment building facades: https://www.wantedinrome.com/news/lockdown-rome-lights-up-with-cinema-by-night.html

In Berlin, neighbors are displaying art installations from their balconies:

https://www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/berlin-artists-turn-their-balconies-mini-galleries-180974677/

An art installation by Raul Walch, created for the “Life, art, pandemic and proximity” project

In Ohio, kids play cello duets for an elderly neighbor:

And right here in Vancouver, people lead streetside Zumba classes as seniors home residents dance along:

https://www.cbc.ca/player/play/1716406851557

April 22, 2020

Earth Day in Isolation

I am hardly the first to note that while this virus has taken so much from mankind, it has also given Mother Earth the long-awaited rest she so deserves.  There have been plenty of photos of Himalayan mountain tops viewed from Indian cities for the first time in decades, or Orcas returning to Vancouver’s shores to prove this.    

In another gift to our planet, appropriately on Earth Day here in BC, where it has oddly not rained for 30 days, it appears that Gaia is being showered with much needed rain for her day of celebration.  And even a sun-worshipper like me has been doing rain dances lately, to ensure that our city will not be shrouded in smoke from a fire-ravaged province, as we have been for the past two summers.

On a different note, a more distorted personification of nature has been touted by many a cynical observer in recent weeks, citing Covid as retribution against humans from a vengeful Mother Earth. I do not subscribe to such punitive thinking.  But I do believe there are environmental lessons to be learned from this crisis if we listen closely enough.

Writer Kristin Flyntz makes this point more beautifully than I ever could, in her Greatful Web post: https://www.gratefulweb.com/articles/imagined-letter-covid-19-humans  Here, instead of a love letter to pre-Covid days, she has imagined the letter that Covid might write to humans.  The tone is intentional and generous but also insistent.   It is spoken as if from a friend not an enemy.  And it proposes that we ask the hard questions:  “As the health of a tree, a river, the sky tells you about the quality of your own health, what might the quality of your health tell you about the health of the rivers, the trees, the sky, and all of us who share this planet with you?”

Another letter, falsely attributed to Bill Gates, whose proven himself to be a true leader of responsiveness in this critical time, also had similar things to say.  The anonymous writer claims that this time: “is reminding us that this Earth is sick. It is reminding us that we need to look at the rate of deforestation just as urgently as we look at the speed at which toilet rolls are disappearing off of shelves. We are sick because our home is sick.”

And as usual, artists are responding too.  The NY-based NGO, Earth Celebrations has postponed their Virtual Earth Day Pageant for May 9th in the interest of garnering more public participation, with a callout for anyone who wants to craft a costume, mask, puppet, etc.  All are welcome.  And more details can be found here: https://earthcelebrations.com/?fbclid=IwAR30nj7NtS52E-RLjpvz739L-3fcp-DtnJ1YeVE8Roln4vJXPC7bzBLxew0

April 23

Virtual Festivals

If you’re looking for an alternative to Netflix and chillin’, there are endless arts festivals that have moved content online, for your streaming pleasure.   So, I thought I’d recommend a few interesting ones here.  

If it’s efficiency you’re after, when browsing thru infinite entertainment options, the Social Distancing Festival does all the work for you, by scouring the globe to curate the best livestreamed events they can find.  Links include everything from modern dance to virtual gallery tours to musical theatre:

https://www.socialdistancingfestival.com

Myseum of Toronto’s Art in the Time of Covid - work by Evgeni Tcherkassk

For some lighter fare, this Edmonton Series hosts nightly cabaret, music, and comedy acts performed by local artists from their homes.

https://www.citadeltheatre.com/2019-2020/stuckinthehouse?utm_source=Citadel+Theatre&utm_campaign=67600c620f-Stuck-in-the-House&utm_medium=email&utm_term=0_482a5c3fca-67600c620f-80741247

And if you’re looking for a bit more sophistication, Toronto’s Festival of Literary Diversity has managed to move online, and it starts next Thursday. Their line-up features many of Canada’s finest emerging and established voices.  My personal favorite, Mona Awad will be reading from her new novel, Bunny, which was the funniest read I’ve had in ages.  In this high art version of Mean Girls, she nails the pretentious banter of grad school writing cliques with a dash of magical realism.   https://thefoldcanada.org

April 23

Creative Gratitude

Florida police thank-you

Our shared appreciation for front line workers has become a true muse for collective community creativity.

Clockwise: Navajo muralist Ivan Lee; local Vancouver sidewalk; Long Island artist, Kara Hoblin

But this one takes the cake for audacity!

https://gfycat.com/magnificentabsolutegosling-health-workers-coronavirus-thank-you-meme

[zhannabelle-eng]

Zhannabelle invites you to a retreat!

This trip can change your life

Which of us does not dream of being successful, loved, and healthy? We want to overcome any difficulties easily, live a happy rich life, not to fear of the future. But most of us just don't have enough time to stop and think how to make these dreams come true, find the meaning of life and the true predestination. So what do we do? The best option is to go to the retreat with Zhannabelle.

What is a retreat? 

Zhannabelle understands that every person just needs to stop life whirl for a moment and get a charge of positive energy. Only by opening the energy channel can one achieve the desired results, realize all one's ideas and get healing from serious diseases. This is why Zhannabelle organizes retreats to help solve any of your problems.  

Retreats are a special space of power. You need to observe several conditions so that retreat is effective.

Place of retreat 

The place where the retreat will take place is very important. It must necessarily take place in the nature. After all, many practices simply do not work in the atmosphere of the city. Because they are based on close interaction with the forces of nature. They draw their energy reserve exactly from it. 

If there is a reservoir nearby, you will certainly learn how to communicate with the element of water and conduct rituals with it. In addition, Zhannabelle will certainly teach you how to interact with the energy of fire. They always make a big fire during the outdoor activities, next to which they perform special rituals.

And, of course, retreats are held at special points of our planet - Places of Power, where the energy of the Universe is concentrated.

Zhannabelle herself is an experienced researcher of such places. She has visited sacred places in Tibet, India, Siberia, Nepal, Mongolia and the USA. In general, there is no more experienced guide to the Places of Power.

Time of the visit 

Another mandatory condition for a retreat is its timing. Zhannabelle specifically calculates a special astrological time to choose the best moment for the universe to influence the destiny of man. She takes everything into account - the position of stars and planets, the energy flows of the Earth, magnetic waves and many other aspects.

Zhannabelle holds retreats in such special periods, with the support of space energy. 

This is a very powerful force that will allow each retreat participant to make a breakthrough in any field of activity, establish relationships with loved ones, cure of disease.

Spiritual Mentor 

Last but not least, condition for a retreat. It usually takes place in a beautiful atmosphere of kindness and unity. Personality of your mentor - an unusual person with sacral knowledge – is of particular importance. Thanks to the special methods that Zhannabelle has been practicing for over twenty years, she has made thousands of people around the world happy. She harmoniously intertwines active dynamic practices that excite the inner energy of man, with soothing short lectures that open people the amazing secrets of the universe.

Judy, Phoenix: 

"It's only by losing our happiness that we realize we were happy. I had a beautiful family. A caring husband, children. My husband held a good position in a large corporation and we never had any material problems. 

Trouble came suddenly, my husband got seriously ill. The doctors' diagnoses differed. They even assumed cancer... 

I was terrified. In addition, the insurance didn't cover the whole treatment, our savings were decreasing. 

We started having problems with our kids. The teenage years were already complicated enough. And in our situation, when my husband was fading away in front of their eyes, it was very difficult for them. That's when my friend, who knew the situation in our family, invited me to Zhannabelle’s retreat. There, for the first time during the hard year, I believed that we can cope with everything and everything will be fine. 

The retreat helped me feel my power. I felt that every ritual changes the fate of our family. I bought amulets for my family and became a regular participant in all Zhannabelle's events. Unbelievable, but this trip resulted in a real miracle!

My husband was finally accurately diagnosed and it was not oncology! 

The doctors picked up the treatment and promised a full recovery within two months. But my husband returned home after two weeks. He was still weak after his illness and was already rushing to work. Our children, of course, also felt relieved. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief.  

And then there was a new surprise - we received a call from our husband's work. They told us his company will pay our debts for treatment and a decent amount for further rehabilitation. 

But the biggest change was in my destiny. I volunteered for an organization that supports people who are in a difficult life situation. I have found my predestination in helping people. And that makes me happy. Someone needs to help with a charity appeal, someone just needs to hear a kind word. I've brought a lot of people to Zhannabelle's retreats. 

And my wards have changed greatly! These are successful, happy people. I'm happy I had something to do with it too!   

My story is the best example of how retreats help change lives. I am grateful to Zhannabelle for making my family happy again. 

Thousands of Zhannabelle's students around the world, regardless of age or creed, have already found a connection with the roots of their Lineage. They built harmonious relationships within the family after retreats. Peace and love became the foundation of their life purpose. And the hopelessly sick were healed. The material side of life has also changed surprisingly - at work, a long-awaited and unconditional success has come. And most importantly, Zhannabelle's students were able to realize their highest predestination. 

That's what Zhannabelle's sense of life is all about. She conducts every retreat to make you happy. Attend her events, bring your friends and acquaintances and get the Power and support of the Universe!