#this is just so fucking hard
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Mannn I normally dont be like- poutin and whatever but yall don't even know/// The place we moved into is cheaper- but ever since we lost our foodstamps shit has beeeen- rough.
it was just a domino effect of bs- first the car (yea we just- DONT have a car anymore lmao), every fuckin $ I get goes right back into making sure we can ORDER GROCERIES for a few days.... and because we're ORDERING and live like 30 mins from the nearest grocery store, its p expensive to do that *when I can- and like- I can't hardly afford to buy like-- hygiene products and shit.
How many more times am I going to google "Jobs good for autistic people?" or "Work from home jobs"- and I can never find anything that isn't a scam or a rabbit hole of ads and I'm too fucking... unmedicated and my back is still too fucked up to even make like-- the money I need to be making... I am so autistic- I literally do not know what im supposed to do with this life....
#like will I be ok?#yea eventually#i havent fuckin offed myself yet#this is just so fucking hard#being poor like this is fucking hard#and its hard for everyone out here right now-#i just really wish all that time I had spent helping other people pay their rent maybe I had been setting aside something for myself too#I wish my family had helped me more#i dont know how to make a foundation myself when i was never given the tools to do so...#Ill figure it out#sorry for complaining
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she's singing in another room and my dog is asleep at my feet. my grandma asked me why i haven't found a man yet and i laughed. oh, you know. i like my house clean.
my girlfriend is also my man is also "my partner" if i'm in a professional setting. yesterday we went to a ren faire and a man mimed at me - you're together? and at my delighted nod, his baffled, you're gay? made me laugh. a woman with rainbow hair said i love the two of you together. you're both so beautiful it's absurd.
my dad introduced my partner as my "..... friend. or whatever" the other day. he knows we're dating. in the same way, i was never able to get my sister's husband to stop saying that's gay like it's 2008. he still uses the word fa***t, and my sister's defense of him has always been well, he's just kidding.
my lover and i dance to old music in a tiny kitchen. we judge new music together and take food critique very seriously. we watch love is blind before we fall asleep and agree that if they had a queer season, it would be bloody but also make for excellent tv. of fucking course queer people would know someone for only 2 weeks and agree to get married. what are you saying.
at a bar with friends, a man puts his hand on my wrist. got a boyfriend? and yes, i do have a boyfriend, she's amazing. i am texting her while i wander around a gas station named after geese. i am visiting a swing state for a wedding. in the candy aisle i overhear: she's actually like a lesbian it's disgusting. two teenage girls with packaged sandwiches in their hands, giggling. no literally, like. i'm not, like. okay with her being there while we're all, like, naked and changing.
my girlfriend and i tailgate, drink gin and cider out of cups. from the frat group beside us, a man corrects himself with one of his friends: bro, i mean, nonbinary entity, and it makes everyone around him laugh, myself included. he razzes his friend the same way i would have killed for at 19 years old - like nothing happened, he continues: you apply sunscreen like an alien. he does a little sassy (and fairly accurate) dance interpretation of the motion. his friend is laughing so hard they're crying.
i am lucky, i live in a safe neighborhood in a safe state. my masc passenger princess comes up from DC. i drive her for an hour to where all the leaves are a violent arrangement of color. we walk along the trails, letting autumn into our blood. in this part of the state, there's a lot of pickup trucks and trump signs. when we chastely kiss before getting into the car, i accidentally make eye contact with a woman holding her child's wrist. she looks disgusted. she looks fucking pissed.
two hours later my girl and i are eating dinner on a patio, soaking in the last warmth of new england sun before the chill of winter sets in. we are giggling and trying to talk through plastic vampire teeth. at another table, i see a young woman sit up straighter. i watch her watch us. she blushes and takes her partner's hand from across the table. shy, like the taste of evening has just become something deeper.
it's worth it for this moment, i think. my lover is still humming the same song she's been singing for four days straight and i don't want to kill her for it. her guitar is beside my bed. her toothbrush is in my bathroom. in a few moments i will make us lunch. we are lucky enough to have found each other. it is lucky enough to be in love.
#writeblr#wlw#i often think about like.....#being happy in a gay relationship is sometimes so odd#bc u can forget how stupid ppl are.#bc ur so USED to being gay. and u forget other people GENUINELY ARE homophobic#so it's like. girl pardon?????#but also there are moments where it's like. ohhh the kids are alright#like watching someone razz someone else.... so fucking wholesome#“lemme get this bitche's pronouns before i make gentle fun of them” .... i would have KILLED for that.#THAT is how u know ur accepted#not just tolerated#..... when ppl are like. sure ur nonbinary congrats but WHAT is this fucking sunscreen application#ps idk if "razz'' is a real word but someone asked what it means -#i've always heard it as being a term for 'gentle & friendly teasing'' which like#i personally notice more from my guy friends but is like - when a person isn't#LIKE ACTUALLY teasing u (it's nothing personal/mean) they're just laughing w/you about something#my friends often put on a little voice and call me an anemic little bitch#like 'ooooo the anemic little bitch is cold??? does she need a mouse blanket#bc she's SOOOO SMALL AND ANEMIC???''#and it doesn't hurt my feelings (it makes me laugh very hard) bc 1. i actually called MYSELF that first#and 2. i'm not sensitive about it!!!#a proper razz is when you are ALSO in on the joke - i ALSO think it's funny#for some people i personally find that when they razz u it's when they love u -#they've noticed something genuine about u and love u enough that u know they're not being mean#this is cultural and personality based of course but i'm hispanic#if someone isn't making fun of me it means they hate me . obviously.
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and he may ask himself "well, how did i get here?"
#i just think he fucks with the talking heads so hard#rip fiddleford i know you loved once and a lifetime#gravity falls#fiddleford mcgucket#fiddleford hadron mcgucket#old man mcgucket#the talking heads#talking heads#myart#gay
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Some nerd: "Fictionalizations of Greek mythology are so inaccurate like what's the point of Hades if it's gonna be so unfaithful to these figures"
Supergiant games:
Some nerd: Holy fuck
#hades#hades 2#supergiant tag#i'm sorry i'm not calling anyone out in particular this art just goes so fucking hard
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Sketching while streaming s5...
Jonathan Sims I will learn to draw you (this is my doing. I could draw him however I want and I choose to stick with an image of him in my brain that is difficult for me to draw. Masochism.)
Not s5 Mahtins below I enjoyed drawing cuz hes neat:
(Edit: I yassified Martin in the do not separate cuz I wanted his hair fluffier)
#yes I realize Jon and Martin are in different fucking art styles let me live#do not accuse me of being AI this difficulty drawing hands is all natural I worked hard drawing for years just to fucking suck at it#update I listened to 170 I heard it was devastating but my ass was LAUGHING#poor martin but omg me and my buddy had everywhere at the end of time in the background and shit was so funny#he forgor 😭💀#it was emotionally devastating at the end tho Jon suggesting he stay there um btich NO?!#Jon the literal Lonely is not worse tham being around you get a fucking grip#helen continues to be the best character her showing up for the juicy gossip is so fucking real#anyagays#tma#tma podcast#the magnus pod#tma fanart#jonathan sims#the magnus archives#my art#martin blackwood#jonmartin#jmart#tma jmart#tma season 5#tma spoilers#i have to make a diagram for my jon and martin designs for s5 SO bad#if only i could draw jon.... >:(#i need u guys to know that my martin loves plaid and jon is wearing a plaid shirt thats too big in s5... inchresting....
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The way your pussy tightens around my fingers makes me fucking feral. I never want to take them out.
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i said that gale and cyra have disaster romcom energy and now it's all i can think about
#bg3#baldur's gate 3#galemance#gale dekarios#tav#i think it falls under miscommunication trope bc she's SO hard to read that he would think she's fucking with him#but no she genuinely wants to know every reason he disliked that book#in this au she actually has a phd instead of just being. a weird lady#she's still a weird lady but she's licensed now#also idk if it's registered bc i haven't done a lot of comics with her but i see her a lot like elizabeth zott from lessons in chemistry
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Few DnD scenes will ever be funnier for me to imagine than Riz Gukgak fully fucking submerging himself in lava and Kipperlilly revealing herself just out of pure and utter shock
#i laughed way too fucking hard at this#brennan’s face when murph told him he was going in#so good#and just ‘what the fuck???!!!’#iconic#fantasy high#fantasy high junior year#fhjy spoilers#riz gukgak#kipperlilly copperkettle#dimension 20 fantasy high#dimension 20
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i need well meaning cis people to stop attemping to steelman trans healthcare conversations because it basically always ends with them just lying about easily checkable things "no minors are getting irreversible treatments" wrong not true "no minors are having surgery" also false, like instead just say the truth: currently some minors (few, but some) are able to access hrt that will have some irreversible changes on their body, some (even fewer) minors are able to access surgery.
the counter to transphobes screaming "these kids are being irreversibly changed" isn't "no children are accessing this care" it's "puberty is also an irreversible change" and "i think under 18s and even under 16s should be able to make medical decisions actually"
"no minors are accessing this care" means that transphobes can easily point to the examples of minors who are accessing that care, which just make us look like liars. sometimes teenagers and children need to make medical choices on their own. i think a 14 y/o should be able to get an abortion. i think trans kids and teens should be able to have the approriate care, which for some will just be like, picking a new name or haircut, and for some, sure, could be surgery.
#*m#so many journalists / youtubers / podcasters try to defend trans people but just like. say this shit that is basically a lie#i get why i get it's an easier convo to have but actually having the hard conversation is really fucking important.#not for the transphobes those people are fucked but like. for the well meaning libs who listen to x news piece or x podcast u know
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Catelyn heard someone snigger behind her. She loves him, poor thing, she thought sadly. She'd play his squire just to touch him, and never care how great a fool they think her... (and some other things)
#brienne of tarth#renly baratheon#catelyn stark#catelyn tully#stannis baratheon#davos seaworth#theon greyjoy#asha greyjoy#asoiaf#acok#a clash of kings#this fucking quote hit me like a truck right in my balls I genuinely start tearing up whenever i look at it its wild#im not even sure why it hit me so hard??? its just kinda me fr#anyway renly looks like loki sorry it wasnt intended#and ofc i had to include the greyjoy siblings too#🧩
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searching for a star that's still unknown to anyone!
#for finncakes.arts dtiys on instagram... i missed you wxs#project sekai#pjsk#prsk#proseka#emu otori#tsukasa tenma#nene kusanagi#rui kamishiro#wonderlands x showtime#wxs#polysho#my ipad did not survive this one its at 3% after like 5 procreate crashes#and sending me visions of it being put down like a dog. Not happening#kirapipi album release im FREE#wxs getting 1 another wanopo comm and 2 a traditional japanese style song. ive been saying they need it. emu deep voice can save the world#I drew emus recent card the untrained but i dont KNOW HOW TO RENDER SNYMORE IDK HOW TO DO IT. SO SHES TRAPPED#in my wip art timeloop for eternity.#tsukasa is pissing me off so bad in this no matter how many times i drew and redrew his head imhe just completely breaks the illusion of#depth i think i actually did alright on rui and emu. i love how theynlook. Went hard rendering tsukasas outfit i guess which.#pisses me off MORE. its NOT THE FOCAL POINT. TSUKASA INHOPE YOUR NEXT LIM HAIRCUT IS EVEN MORE STUPID. YOURE RUINING MY LIFE.#whats supposed to be his hand is so fucked up with the perspective too helppp me just pretend its nenes.#the tonal difference from my ladt post is so funny. fuck you siffrin you stupud cat
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friend wanted to see my tumblr, and when i told him i can’t show it to him bc it’s basically my personal diary he went “oh so I can’t see it but a bunch of strangers on tumblr can??” he literally does not get me. no one will get me like the people in my phone get me
#It’s just so different#even though it’s public it still feels secret and safe. i feel comfy sharing a lot more on here than I do in my actual day to day life lol#in my head I’m also just speaking to myself 90% of the time which helps#if a friend off tumblr saw my thoughts I’d feel so weird ab it#esp bc they might get the vagueposting about certain situations and tell mutual friends#no thank u. this is for me. I’m not about to start censoring my thoughts bc someone I know knows my tumblr#u guys literally saw me have LIVE BREAKDOWNS#meanwhile I’ll have the worst fucking day in history and tell no one about it. I’m already cripplingly private but way more so in real life#this is basically a low stress journaling outlet for me. it’s so important for me to maintain the separation#like this is actually my diary & has been so handy for letting out emotions / articulating thoughts / staying on track !!#& I’ve met so many kind people on here who actually get me. which is so hard to find irl bc I’m surrounded by pre-med gunners/overachievers#who are by standard not very good w emotion & can be competitive/judgmental. or at least it’s hard for me to be vulnerable in front of them#and I’m part of that crowd so I reserve my emotions only to a handful of very close friends#it’s nice to hop on here and express negative emotions!! or positive emotions!! just whatever I want and it’s low stress and people get me#I don’t have to worry about judgment or competitiveness etc etc#like everyone on here is so kind & nice & understanding. & just a breath of fresh air from the types I run w. it’s just nice to have this#so idk that’s why I think I’ll always be strict about keeping the worlds separate. it just works#p
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the thing about art is that it was always supposed to be about us, about the human-ness of us, the impossible and beautiful reality that we (for centuries) have stood still, transfixed by music. that we can close our eyes and cry about the same book passage; the events of which aren't real and never happened. theatre in shakespeare's time was as real as it is now; we all laugh at the same cue (pursued by bear), separated hundreds of years apart.
three years ago my housemates were jamming outdoors, just messing around with their instruments, mostly just making noise. our neighbors - shy, cautious, a little sheepish - sat down and started playing. i don't really know how it happened; i was somehow in charge of dancing, barefoot and laughing - but i looked up, and our yard was full of people. kids stacked on the shoulders of parents. old couples holding hands. someone had brought sidewalk chalk; our front walk became a riot of color. someone ran in with a flute and played the most astounding solo i've ever heard in my life, upright and wiggling, skipping as she did so. she only paused because the violin player was kicking his heels up and she was laughing too hard to continue.
two weeks ago my friend and i met in the basement of her apartment complex so she could work out a piece of choreography. we have a language barrier - i'm not as good at ASL as i'd like to be (i'm still learning!) so we communicate mostly through the notes app and this strange secret language of dancers - we have the same movement vocabulary. the two of us cracking jokes at each other, giggling. there were kids in the basement too, who had been playing soccer until we took up the far corner of the room. one by one they made their slow way over like feral cats - they laid down, belly-flat against the floor, just watching. my friend and i were not in tutus - we were in slouchy shirts and leggings and socks. nothing fancy. but when i asked the kids would you like to dance too? they were immediately on their feet and spinning. i love when people dance with abandon, the wild and leggy fervor of childhood. i think it is gorgeous.
their adults showed up eventually, and a few of them said hey, let's not bother the nice ladies. but they weren't bothering us, they were just having fun - so. a few of the adults started dancing awkwardly along, and then most of the adults. someone brought down a better sound system. someone opened a watermelon and started handing out slices. it was 8 PM on a tuesday and nothing about that day was particularly special; we might as well party.
one time i hosted a free "paint along party" and about 20 adults worked quietly while i taught them how to paint nessie. one time i taught community dance classes and so many people showed up we had to move the whole thing outside. we used chairs and coatracks to balance. one time i showed up to a random band playing in a random location, and the whole thing got packed so quickly we had to open every door and window in the place.
i don't think i can tell you how much people want to be making art and engaging with art. they want to, desperately. so many people would be stunning artists, but they are lied to and told from a very young age that art only matters if it is planned, purposeful, beautiful. that if you have an idea, you need to be able to express it perfectly. this is not true. you don't get only 1 chance to communicate. you can spend a lifetime trying to display exactly 1 thing you can never quite language. you can just express the "!!??!!!"-ing-ness of being alive; that is something none of us really have a full grasp on creating. and even when we can't make what we want - god, it feels fucking good to try. and even just enjoying other artists - art inherently rewards the act of participating.
i wasn't raised wealthy. whenever i make a post about art, someone inevitably says something along the lines of well some of us aren't that lucky. i am not lucky; i am dedicated. i have a chronic condition, my hands are constantly in pain. i am not neurotypical, nor was i raised safe. i worked 5-7 jobs while some of these memories happened. i chose art because it mattered to me more than anything on this fucking planet - i would work 80 hours a week just so i could afford to write in 3 of them.
and i am still telling you - if you are called to make art, you are called to the part of you that is human. you do not have to be good at it. you do not have to have enormous amounts of privilege. you can just... give yourself permission. you can just say i'm going to make something now and then - go out and make it. raquel it won't be good though that is okay, i don't make good things every time either. besides. who decides what good even is?
you weren't called to make something because you wanted it to be good, you were called to make something because it is a basic instinct. you were taught to judge its worth and over-value perfection. you are doing something impossible. a god's ability: from nothing springs creation.
a few months ago i found a piece of sidewalk chalk and started drawing. within an hour i had somehow collected a small classroom of young children. their adults often brought their own chalk. i looked up and about fifteen families had joined me from around the block. we drew scrangly unicorns and messed up flowers and one girl asked me to draw charizard. i am not good at drawing. i basically drew an orb with wings. you would have thought i drew her the mona lisa. she dragged her mother over and pointed and said look! look what she drew for me and, in the moment, i admit i flinched (sorry, i don't -). but the mother just grinned at me. he's beautiful. and then she sat down and started drawing.
someone took a picture of it. it was in the local newspaper. the summary underneath said joyful and spontaneous artwork from local artists springs up in public gallery. in the picture, a little girl covered in chalk dust has her head thrown back, delighted. laughing.
#writeblr#warm up#this is longer than i wanted i really considered removing that part about myself and what i went thru#but i think it really fucking bothers me that EVERY time i talk about being an artist#ppl assume i just like. had the skill and ability to drop everything and pay for grad school.#like sir i grew up poor. my house wasn't a safe space. i gave up a FREE RIDE TO LAW SCHOOL. for THIS. bc i chose it.#was it fucking hard? was i choosing the hard thing?? yes.#but we need to stop seeing artists as lazy layabouts that can ''afford'' to just ''sit around and create''#when MANY - if not MOST - of us are NOT like that. we have to work our fucking ASSES off. hard work. long and hard work#part of valuing artists is recognizing the amount we sacrifice to make our art. bc it doesn't just#like HAPPEN to us. also btw it rarely has anything to do with true talent.#speaking as someone with a chronic condition i hate when ppl are like u have it easy. like actively as i'm writing this my hands r#ACTIVELY hurting me. i haven't been posting bc my left hand was curled in a claw for the last week#this isn't fucking luck. after a certain point it's not even TALENT. it's dedication & sacrifice.#''u get to flounce around and do nothing with ur life'' is a narrative that is a direct result of capitalism#imagine if we said that about literally any other profession.#''oh so u give up 10 yrs of ur life to be a doctor? u sacrifice having a social life and u get SUPER in debt?#u need to work countless hours and it will often be thankless? well i wish i was that lucky''#we should be applying that logic to landlords ONLY#''oh ur mom and dad gave u the money to buy a house? and all u did was paint it white and rent it? huh.''
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more funny things that happened on my first watch of nimona
ID by @peachygos
[ID: A comic juxtaposing screenshots from Nimona 2023 and drawn panels of two people on a couch, one wearing a cap and the other glasses. First is Ballister kneeling in front of the Queen, as she says "Congratulations, Sir Boldheart." Cap says, "OK!! Calling it right now! Queen's gonna die & they're gonna think he did it." Glasses says, "You think?" Cap continues, "Yup! Said in the summary that he's accused of a tragedy. They're gonna find her stabbed w/ his sword by the morning. Maybe during a party or smth." Glasses says, "Hm... Maybe-"
The second image shows just the two on the couch, washed in green light from the screen as the Queen dies. They look at the screen in gaping shock, then at each other.
The next screenshot is of Ballister clutching at his shoulder with a grunt of pain. Both people lean forward in focus. Glasses says, "Wait- did he cut off his whole arm-?" Cap says, "No! Nah, he just knocked the sword out of his hand, I think. Maybe his shoulder got hurt & he's holding his arm back?" Glasses says, "Dude I don't think-"
The final screenshot is a continuation of the previous shot, the camera zooming out to show Ballister clutching his shoulder, and his severed arm laying in the foreground. Both characters silently watch the screen in shock. Glasses gasps and covers their mouth with their hand. /end ID]
#nimona#nimona movie#nimona spoilers#my art#THE FIRST TEN MINUTES OF THE MOVIE GODDAMN#i need to reiterate we went into this completely blind#this was such a fun movie we were laughing so fucking hard in some parts#these are just the moments that stood out to me lmao#edit: thank u so much for the ids! i really appreciate it!!! :)
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Hehe funny vine humor
#gravity falls and vines like it's 2015 again?? nature is healing#i started drawing this when I was slacking off and i swear it took longer to edit than to draw dkjsgfhgjkf#now that i've divorced adobe everything is so damn hard#i kept imagining pacificas mom with this vine and eventually I was like fuck it#lets draw that#it was originally gonna be just a comic thingie with the text drawn in but I was like why not add the audio? so here we are#gravity falls#pacifica northwest#priscilla northwest#gravity falls fanart#gravity falls meme#when you think about how fucked pacificas parents are this kind of isnt funny anymore sdkjghkfdghj
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the text originally read "EGADS! DO MY EYES DECEIVE ME?"
#i got tired of looking at rendering so i just said fuck it and decided to upload the lines and flats#i love when these two are depicted a bit more skeleton-y#sans looks a little fucked LMAO#wizard-laundry art#undertale#sans#papyrus#art is still incredibly hard for me rn thank you all for your patience#i've been drawing but nothing worth sharing mainly exercises#been trying to find a copy of High-focus Drawing: A Revolutionary Approach to Drawing the Figure by James McMullan#i read the first couple of chapters on the internet archive and i definite want the physical book
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